#or just scream at me bc this hurts
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I want to love somebody, but I don't know how
a meditation on Dean's (perceived) inability to love set to The Decemberists’ Sucker's Prayer
watch it on youtube!
#hi I'm really proud of this one!#I would love to hear your thoughts#or just scream at me bc this hurts#I hurt myself making it :-)#spnamv#destielamv#spnamvarchive#supernatural#spn#destiel#deancas#the decemberists#sucker's prayer#my stuff#my amvs#spn amv#destiel amv#dean winchester#castiel#spncreatorsdaily
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something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line
“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”
“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"
but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.
he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.
his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.
ghost doesn't let him.
"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."
soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.
he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."
the ice in soap's eyes fractures.
ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.
“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”
#in my head its bc graves abducts his sister and is using her as hostage to draw him out knowing ghost will always follow him#but the intensity and intimacy of saying ‘you cant trust your mind not to betray you so let me be in charge of your body until you can’#after what happened to tommy he could never deny johnny his right to save his sister#but its bc of what happened to tommy that he knows he cant let him do it alone with only his rage to guide him#hes more likely to get himself killed and ghost wont live through that#so he has to balance it#and the only way he knows how is to completely shut down soap’s mind until hes no more than instinct and muscle memory#if he cant think practically then dont let him think at all#reduce him to a place where he can only follow orders#and when its finally over and his sister is safe and graves is dead#only then will he drag johnny back up to the surface#he’ll do it even if it means dragging him kicking and screaming back to humanity#instead of letting him sink in the depths where nothing hurts. theres no fear down there. no pain. only order#and thats the risk ghost took sending johnny to that place but he only did it bc he would stop at nothing to bring him back#and help him through the after#the breakdown. the rush of panic and rage and relief and anguish johnnys been supressing on his order#it was his word that turned johnny into a ghost#and its his touch that brings him back to the man#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#cod#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghost x soap#ghoap#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#save post
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EDYN TIDESTRIDER, CHALLENGER OF THE UNDERSEA, RIVAL OF THE DEEP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR BROTHER WAS CHOSEN TO BE A WEAPON OF THE GODS? HOW WILL YOU UNDO WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM?
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#edyn tidestrider#cw blood#EDYYYNNNN TTIDESTRIDERRR OHH HOW I LOVE HERRRR#THIS IS A PAGE FULLA REEAALLY OLD DOODLES AND REALLY REALLY OLD DOODELS AND NEW DOODLES. ENJOY.#ONLY CLEANED IT UP A BUNCH TTODAY AND IM ACTUALLY SO SO HAPPY W IT WEEEEE#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? DOWN IN THE UNDERSEA. TO VISIT YOUR BROTHER WHENEVER THE ADULTS WOULD LET YOU#A KID WHO DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHY HER BROTHER WAS BEING TAKEN AWAY OR WHY HE KEEPS GETTING HURT#OR WHY THE ADULTS JUST KEEP LETTING IT HAPPEN. ITS FOR THE BEST? FATE OF THE WORLD AND ALL THAT? HEY WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE#HOW DO WE STOP IT. HOW DO I STOP IT. THERES PEOPLE OUT THERE WORKING ON SOMETHING. ARITIFICIAL LEVIATHAN YOU SAY?#WE COULD BUILD A THING TO RIVAL THE GODS. WELL. SIGN ME UP. IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU#WHAT A FASCINATING THING SHE ACTUALLY SAID. 'IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU' HELLO?? EDYN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#WHAT EXACTLY DID THEY DO TO HIM. OTHER THAN THE PROPHECY TRAINING. YOU CAN UNDO THAT? YOU CAN UNDO ALL THAT? HOW?? HELLO???#LIKE SURE I JUST SPOUTED MY THEORIES I THINK SHE WANTS TO KILL GOD BUT THATS JUSTA THEORY... A GA#WHAT IS EDYNS GOAL AND WHY CANT SHE TELL ANYONE OOUUUHHH EDYNNNN CMERE EDYNN CMERRE STOP WALKING AWAY CMERE. COME HERE.#fuuuuuck shes so mysteriousss what is she HIDING!!shes also so so so so angry i fucken know she is. shes so gentle and so sweet and timid#but she is ANGRY and shes SMART and clearly shes AMBITIOUS bc shes TALKING TO THE FUCKING BIG HEAD HONCHO O THE FUCKEN NNAAAVYYYYY#ALSO WHO IS NICHOLAS. IF THATS EVEN HIS REAL NAME. WHO DID YYYOU MEET EDYN. DO YOU HAVE A WISH TO BE GRANTED EDYN???#CHEWING ON THE BARS O MY CELL I NNNNEEEEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT EDYN IM SO CURIOUS IMG ONNA KILL PEOPLE#i said once in another post 'the oath an eldest sister takes on is on par w that of a paladins-#-and sometimes upheld w the very same ferocity'. I REALLY LIKED THAT LINE.#pleeese... if u can hear me.. pls join me and draw edyn w unbridled plasmatic rage abt the way her brother was treated by the Elders#also pls draw her SCARY. I NEED HER TO BE SSCARY. PLEEASEE I NEED HER TO BE JUST AS VIOLENT AS GILLION BUT INA ICE COLD WAY#JUST AS VIOLENT JUST AS STRONG JUST AS MUCH OF AN AQUATIC MONSTER. im sure u see the vision.#ok i gotta go t bed now i got work in tha morning n i should nnot be stayin up this late. if u hav thoughts abt edyn pls scream abt em#okay byyyyeee goodniiigihhttttt
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this was the tensest insanity (affectionate) i've ever seen. that whole ending sequence.... OH MY ACTUAL FREAKY SLOW HORSING GOD. you could hear river's panicked breathing in the credits. YOU COULD HEAR RIVER'S PANICKED BREATHING IN THE CREDITS. what an episode. this show is incredible. extraordinary genius.
#slow horses spoilers#i actually need to collect my thoughts that was intense AF#WOW#i'm rendered completely speechless#absolute elite show#phenomenal acting phenomenal editing phenomenal music phenomenal EVERYTHING#i can't believe they made me root for the french assassin there for a moment too that boy is just a traumatised child#frank is EVIL#i'll share more thoughts later bc i literally can't think right now#most importantly: PROTECT RIVER AT ALL COST DON'T YOU DARE HURT MY LITTLE SPYBOY#you could hear river's breathing in the credits..... i... jeez#that was an insane amount of death they just killed everyone that was in the way in that scene#slow horses#idk why i'm writing all this in the tags i should put in a post but i'm BESIDE MYSELF atm#i thought they were going to off molly i was screaming my heart was on the floor DON'T TOUCH HER
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Shitty tomo sketchdump bc i love him so mr. deepseated attachment issues!!
Closeups under the cut :)
#oc tomo#hes so. hes SOOOO.#my brain problems baby i will give him a little kisskiss on his forehead#hes actually pretty normal mostly hes just weird abt his feelings re love and affection#also he has a scar on his ass/thigh from being bit real hard bc he was talking abt wanting to get eaten while getting off shift#and the trooper in the bed he was standing by was really high and was like sure tomo love u *chomp*#tomo to the other medic: god it wld be so romantic if someone are me 😩😩😩 this guy: [-3 impulse control]#he screamed very loud it hurt. but its a very funny story and he thinks it was sweet in his heart#ALSO ALSO this is trans clones in case u r confused#my art
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having a hashtag bad one 👍
#my brother was chasing me with a shoe while i was screaming at him to stop while our mom just fucking stood there while i burst into tears#and then they both just go on their merry ways back to what they were doing acting like im not dry heaving so hard i think im gonna puke#like how can she just stand there and see me so upset and not say a single thing its just so typical he can do anything he wants no matter#how much it upsets me and he just gets away with it and i feel lile a dick bc hes younger and im an adult but this has been happening for#years and shes never done anything im so traumatized by him but i just have to keep acting like nothings wrong#i just wish my feelings could be even acknowledged by our mom like she enables it bc she does fucking nothing#once when i was a teen my therapist reported my brother to cps for hitting me and all my mom has to say was that having that on his record#could hurt him in the future and she was mad at me bc it made her look neglectful like babes its bc you are!!!#i need to get out of this fucking house so bad idk if i can stand another year here#h
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sometimes i feel like i hate everyone
#if i ever say “i hate you” dont take it personally#everyone does stupid shit sometimes n thats fine but its happening sm and im sick of it n i need to speak up#chances are if u see this ur not part of the problem bc ur actually reading the shit i post#the fact that barely anyone realized that i relapsed into sh yesterday is crazy#im not doing this for attention its a fucking cry for help and most of yall are ignoring me#you ignore me when im fine and you ignore me when i need you#what am i supposed to do ffs#do i have to show you my bleeding thighs for you to ask how i am?#do you have to wait until i scream and cry and hurt myself for you to care abt me?#do i not matter unless im hurting? or do i not matter even when i am hurting?#do i have to fucking die for any of yall to realize theres something mentally wrong w me?#fuck you all youre just as bad as my parents#except for the four people who talked me out of spiralling last night#two of which were people i barely/dont know#so yeah maybe try harder n actually ask ur friends how they are#dont push them to the point where they need to be comforted by strangers
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like mother, like daughter
#rwby#rwby9#yang xiao long#raven branwen#spoilers#rwby spoilers#rwby9 spoilers#AHDSHFSDFSDF#i have not much to absolutely scream about bc there's not much Penny content this ep except that one scene#it's crumbs but crumbs that hurts /lh#also just WHOOPING BIG ASS SWORD#you cant convince me it's not at least a Raven and Qrow callback for their respective moves in V5 and V6#AAAAAA#Yang showing her Branwen side lol
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can i please fucking have a best friend before i kill myself i cannot stand this loneliness anymore it isnt even funny like im actually in so much pain bc of loneliness i feel like i cant breathe and like im gonna die everything hurts so bad i cant take it i try to pretend im ok and during a little while it works but then it all comes crashing down again i literally cannot be alone anymore i will die
#but with how fundamentally flawed and broken and fucked up and unlovable i am#i already know i will always be alone#i have known that deep in my bones since i was a child and everyone started shunning me#but oh my fucking god this hurts so bad i also know i wont be able to keep enduring this year after year after year#i am so fucking unlovable and unlikable and i only bother and burden everyone i come in contact with#i literally SHOULD kill myself so the world can be free of me#but im selfish and i keep clinging on (but mostly out of fear)#i just wish i had a gun so i could blow my brains out correctly and know i'd die so fucking fast#i just cant do it any other way#anyway my entire fucking body hurts because i am so lonely i will die#and i am losing my mind bc yeah i will sit here now and be distracted while typing this#but then i will just go back to my lonely room and like#god i wanna scream why am i alive? as if anyone values my life haha what a fucking joke i am#whateverrrr i'll go cut myself#but i dont even have anyone to show that to bc everyone hates me!!!!! 😁👍#just fucking do me a favor and kill me i cant take this anymore 🙂
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B'Elanna & Tuvok are unwittingly caught up in some kind of alien gameshow in which they are subjected to various challenges with potentially deadly punishments. This is treated as lighthearted fun for their captors as they're a species who can regenerate themselves and find their inability to do the same very novel and amusing. Tuvok continually volunteers himself instead of B'Elanna and attempts to shoulder the bulk of their team's responsibility which annoys B'Elanna because he's not trusting her and also their team is doing worse as a result as Tuvok is growing weaker the longer the games wear on. Eventually she snaps at him which leads to them having an actual conversation and they start using teamwork & cooperation to stay alive until Voyager can rescue them. The aliens are unphased by their escape, sending Voyager a threatening message that they'd be happy to have any one of their crewmembers on their show at any time. [Patreon | Commissions]
#in my mind Tuvok is looking up to study walking patterns#The contestants are kept beneath the stage and there's a metal grate above them where guards patrol#B'Elanna#Tuvok#st voyager#st voyager fanart#fake st voyager episodes my beloved#st voy#B'Elanna Torres#I wonder from time to time (I think I've mentioned it) if Vulcans cry from purely physical pain - sometimes when you're hurt#your eyes immediately start to water. I think they probably have a mental 'stopper' against it up to a point#(Tuvok says as much) but past that they probably do cry from pain just like they scream from pain v_v involuntary#anyway I thought of/drew this whole thing bc the line 'Pain is just pain' came to my mind and it reminded me of Tuvok#bea art tag#comix page
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i award this trophy to Casero Delilah Bard
#i’m rereading Threads and oh my god#she is so fucking in love#the fact that lila bard CANONICALLY cannot sleep without her ginger idiot beside her makes me feel so many things#and her no telling her about the new antari in white london bc ‘he has enough to worry about’#and the way her fingers ‘ache to heal him’#and the way she’s always running her fingers through his hair#and the way his scream ‘tore through her’#and the way she can read him so well and always just wants him to be ok#and she shows him that he is never weak#and she’s always looking to a way to stop him hurting and fix what’s broken#and she is always always always thinking of him and doing anything to protect him#my heart is so happy and it hurts so much#the fragile threads of power#adsom#a darker shade of magic#shades of magic#kell maresh#lila bard#kellila#threads of power
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“Watch buddy daddies” they said “It’s gay spy x family” they said.
NAHHH BECAUSE WHAT IS THIS ANIMECIAKCNDNFBFBDJFJFJF
I JUST FINISHED BUDDY DADDIES AND NGNFNFNDNSJFIFJSJ THIS ANIME IS SOOOO GOOOOD IT NEEDS TO BE MORE POPULAR
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#this anime made me cry SO MUCH#😭😭 I LOVE ALL OF THEM SOOO MUCH AUGUGGJGG BC BCJJFJF#THEY MAKE ME SICK!!!!!#SICK I SAY!!!!!!#I HATE GAY PEOPLE!!!#I HATE KIDS!!!!#I HATE FAMILY!!!!#HRAJHHHHHHHHHHGGG#😭😭😭 USUGJGGJJGHJ#FOUND FAMILY MAKES ME AIGKGJGJJG#😭😭 y’all i can’t do this slice of life family stuff I have family issues this hurts me#eaughgjgghgjhgjgjgjgjg#idk what to do with my life it’s just kcjxjfjfbcncnc#i know I shouldn’t compare it to SxF but I just know when SxF is nearing its end it’s going to break me the same way Buddy daddies did#It’s going to make me cry and scream and sob#bc idk I kinda see it going the same way as Buddy daddies did? when it’s near its end ?? idk#buddy daddies#ALL I WANT IS MORE CROSSOVERS BETWEEN THE TWO ANIMES!!!#💛!me talking💀
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curse u fandoms and shame and being scared to admit u ship something bc u dont want ppl to judge u or criticize and try to find a way to make it wrong then shun u for ever thinking of it
im gonna eat a fucking wall
#void whispers#(for anyone who might be worried no im not going to eat a wall but it is tempting)#proship safe#comship safe#comship#proship#comshippers please interact#proshippers please interact#anti anti#antishippers dni#despite it being 3am i feel the need to scream and hit something bc ive been continuously thinking about the ship then going-#''wut if i tell ppl'' then immediately panicking bc noooo no no no we r Not doing that#fuck this shit man#i keep going ''shame shouldnt stop u'' but judgement hurts a lot more than anything (to me at least)#hrrrgrhhrthhrghrghggrh#me when the fuckin rejection dysphoria flares up OTL#mild vent#just a lil
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Fucking finally.
Jesus Christ, took her long enough. 💀
I still, still think she needed to open her mouth after the 🇵🇷 debacle. As a Latino & Hispanic who grew up with the same crap all around me for 50 years, it's a big issue for me (and anyone who reads this and immediately goes into a rage about this post is going to ignore that, I know). It's not that she didn't do enough, it's that she did nothing on that issue when all of the other famous Puerto Ricans showed solidarity against the 🍊🤡 and for Kamala. I don't want to hear any more of her complaints about being Latina in Hollywood or blah blah blah whatever other issues she's got w Latina identity. "Wannabe Puerto Rican Dakota Fanning" should've shown some solidarity.
Thanks for using that massive platform the day of to get out the youth vote with 40+ million Gen Z's now eligible to vote (that's just about as many IG followers she has LOL). It's something. 🫠🇵🇷🇲🇽🇪🇸💙✨
#jenna ortega#but when i said FINALLY i said it in beatrice harker miller's voice#voting#at least she tagged michelle obama#so we know who she's voting for#still#vote blue#vote to save democracy#vote for women's rights#vote for 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ rights#womens rights#vote kamala#vote harris walz#election 2024#2024 election#the day of is weak#voting takes contemplation on the issues#i'm sure some crybaby stan is gonna come along and scream at me again but idgaf#but this#this is the bare minimum#celebrity influence#celebrity#celebrities#wednesday#wednesday addams#wednesday netflix#netflix wednesday#also i just woke up not long ago bc i was up until 7AM...i still wanna go back to sleep so i don't throw up#my body has incredible trauma memory and i feel fkn sick bc my brain remember how excited we were and then how devastated we became in 2016#i am in bad physical pain rn and it's not just this it's also my trip to sf yesterday that hurt me
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having shrimp emotions abt the end of shb again
#the nemesis speaks#swift plays ff14#ffxiv spoilers#for the tags i'm sure i'll say something spoiler-y here#anyways AAAHGUGH.... wailing sobbing etc...#the way you fight HADES and not emet-selch at the end...#the way it's a climactic epic clash and a battle over the right to history#but it's ALSO the two of you kicking and screaming against an end that seems inevitable#his facade falling away piece by piece bc it's been so long and he's so tired and WHY DOES IT STILL HURT SO MUCH#AND WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET HIM WIN! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE-#and he's so ANGRY at you for daring to 1) exist and 2) not side with him#the fact that he was friends with azem AND venat and they're both dead or functionally dead now#and you are alive and you carry their legacy and you DARE to keep defying him. (THEY keep defying him.)#it's best for everyone. he wants them back. why won't they let him fix it.#he's ssooooooo.#and then ardbert i could write a whole second fucking tag essay about HIM. everything to me.#anyway. i cannot in good conscience tell anyone to play shb bc you have to slog through a lot of ''just okay'' mmo content to get there#and also it spensive kinda#but WAUGH i wish ppl saw my VISION
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ㅤbeen thinking today about how byan's anger can be really scary to witness... it's very... raw. anger is the emotion they feel the most intensely, and the one they filter the least. it's raw, it's heated, and it's very instinct-driven — they have very little control over it, and they're certainly not thinking before they do or say anything. impulses are followed, whether it's to lash out and cause harm to whatever has hurt them, or to throw or break whatever is within arm's reach just to release even a little bit of the energy that's overwhelming them. they don't know what else to do with it. literally no thoughts, all that their mind can focus on is the emotion; they just want to get it out and stop feeling this way (and/or ensure the person who's pissed them off gets what they deserve) and they'll do whatever it takes to ensure that. i think that lack of control really shows too, like it's palpable in the air and adds an extra layer of discomfort and uncertainty if you're in the same room as them. concern for one's own safety is valid in such a scenario too tbh, because they have hurt people in the past who they never would have caused harm to normally (both directly and indirectly; sometimes by their own hand, other times as an unintended consequence of them throwing/breaking something). it's not something they're proud of, but they also just... don't know what to do about it. ...they're honestly afraid of their own anger, at times. afraid of what they're capable of and what they might one day do.
#there's also a lot of yelling and cursing...... screaming too but that's only in THE MOST extreme cases#and they've been known to hurt themself if there's nothing else around to take the anger out on.#or like. unintentionally hurting themself by punching walls & getting into fights and shit#this is an absolute mess it's just me spewing my thoughts to get them out of my head#one day i'll write a proper & cleaner headcanon about it... explain it better...#but i'm having a hard time putting my thoughts into actual coherent & detailed words tonight so just like. take this for now lmao#byan is such an emotional creature & they don't know how to regulate what they feel#they just feel it and must do something about it...#am i making sense?? is what i'm trying to convey coming through??#i'm so annoyed bc i can't find half the words i'm searching for to properly explain this the way i want to lmao#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.
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