#or journaling on here more
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whenever someone interacts with this blog, it reminds us we have a blog, so thank you.
#i’ve been so blurry lately#i dissociated myself into a marriage that i’m trying to get out of#my life is super messy right now#but i’m trying to come up with ways to share myself better#because i would hate for another system to end up like me#i love you all#blurry#time hasn’t been real#but i’m not scared of my disorder anymore#so that’s a good place to start#i want to start maybe sharing my writing#or journaling on here more#idk#i just want to feel alive for once#thank you for being on this journey with me#i’m sorry i’m not active as much#i’m fighting for my life
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I have some questions about karaoke night, Alex Hirsch. Very Important Questions. Which I will happily scream at a poor hapless baby triangle who can have no answers for me, and possibly also does not have object permanence yet.
Follow-up that is I guess suggestive, but let's be real here, Bill's a fucking triangle:
Dude slipped right into his birthday suit, lmao
this is so stupid :D
Anyway, I don't care what anyone says, this brilliant individual knows what's up - Bill is absolutely way more of a monsterfucker than Ford could or ever will be, full stop.
#fanart#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#gravity falls#book of bill#i watched gravity falls because i was curious about all the Toxic Old Man Yaoi on my dash and wanted context#turns out most of the context was in the book of bill tho lmao#look they either banged or married or both while drunk and i will accept no other possibilities#you don't use the phrase 'and one thing led to another' in a PRIVATE JOURNAL if what happened wasn't salacious in some way#i mean - ford didn't exactly grow up in The Most Inclusive Time Period???#dude was probably like 'gotta use this wording for plausible deniability - NO ONE can know i boinked the talking triangle'#in other news - i must bully the baby billy#don't know how much more GF stuff i'll toss up here but i have a few other little scribbles in the works. probably won't color them tho lol#also don't ask me why bill's bowtie stays where it is despite his “pants” being under it. just. just fucking don't ok???#EDIT: oh and since i see this a lot in this fandom for some reason: DO NOT REPOST THIS PLZ K THX :D
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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wing stuff!
experimenting with a more cartoon style, idk what i'm doing loll
tagging: @goodomensafterdark <3
#ymight say i'm *winging* it!!#then again you might not#my art#good omens#fanart#crowley#aziraphale#wings#digital art#digital painting#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#wasn't completely without references here esp for the wings#but i got further away than usual#and didn't use screenshots of michael sheen or david tennant's faces to do the characters' faces#i'm all right with how everything turned out except crowley's face#i have a hard time simplifying and leaving things out for drawing small or more cartoony#i end up trying to clumsily cram more detail in than the size or style wants and it looks weird#oh well it is practice it is valuable!!#i did most of this yesterday which was my bday lol present to myself#my days of short captions and a journal in the tags have come to a middle
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Bridgerton - S3E02 “How Bright the Moon” // S3E03 “Forces of Nature”
#bridgertonedit#polinedit#tvedit#perioddramaedit#romanceedit#dailypolin#dailybridgerton#bridgertonblr#cinemapix#dailyflicks#filmtvtoday#bridgerton#polin#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#bridgerton spoilers#edit#my gifs#my toxic trait is being unable to make up my mind on how i prefer to color gifs#though it's a struggle regardless#anyway let me wax poetic about the journal scene/hand cut scene for a bit (not depicted here but related)#the scene that (imo) started changing colin's perception of pen#having colin's writing focus more on his inner struggles particularly with intimacy/connection#and then following that up with having him share an intimate moment with someone he already deeply cares about#who cares for him in return and uplifts him#ugh I love it#i can forgive that the scene wasn't as long as it was in the books (because I do really love the deep talk they have in the book version)
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸
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Thinking about Iris being blindsided by her love for Phoenix.
Iris feeling nothing for him at first, only dating him to prevent yet another needless death and even more blood on her sister's hands.
Iris seeing his earnestness and dedication to becoming a lawyer for his friend and being profoundly moved by it.
Iris asking Phoenix to return the bottle necklace less and less often because him doing so would mean her losing the greatest joy she had ever felt outside of her love for her sister.
Iris overthinking her own happiness when she's with Phoenix because this wasn't supposed to happen.
Iris stifling her love for Phoenix because she feels guilty for it.
Iris knowing her love is doomed to fail.
Iris feeling sick to her stomach when Dahlia expresses to her exactly how much of a nuisance she thinks Phoenix is and how things would be so much easier for her if she just got rid of him.
Iris debating if her love for Phoenix is worth dismantling the lie she's created.
Iris debating if her love for Phoenix is worth more than her own life.
Iris debating if her love for Phoenix is worth more than her sister's life.
Iris thinking her love will forever remain unsaid after Dahlia frames Phoenix for murder.
Iris seeing Phoenix again five years later in a cruel twist of fate and fearing her love will be discovered...and soundly rejected.
Iris seeing Phoenix again five years later in a cruel twist of fate and fearing her love will be discovered...but not rejected.
Iris fearing that she will be loved despite her love.
Iris fearing she will be seen for all she is, in all her unmasked, cowardly, selfish glory...and accepted.
Iris being unable to imagine a fate more cruel than being loved after all she's done.
Iris being doomed by her love.
#ace attorney#phoenix wright ace attorney#ace attorney trials and tribulations#pwaa#aa#aa3#aa3 spoilers#feenris#iris hawthorne#iris fey#iris of hazakura temple#phoenix wright#dahlia hawthorne#meta#my meta#idk what it is about feenris that turns me into a poet but here we are#adhd tangents do strange things to me. i was supposed to be journaling about my family vacation but somehow this happened instead#local woman going feral over sister iris ace attorney for the 261478th time. more at 11
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i am writing an accidental haiku to attract haiku bot
#haiku bot#🦾 finn txt#normal post. average. average words in these tags.#need to catch it. with a net maybe. like those ones that they always show ppl catching butterflies and junk with on shows. pspsppspspspspsp#ooooooooooh u wanna look at this post so bad oooooooooh#<- attempting to attract haiku bot to this post#wowoowoooowowowowowoowowowowowowoowowowoowowowoowowiwoowiwiwoowowowowoowowwwww (<- normal noises)#I wonder if there’s a limit to how many tags you can add#time to begin the haiku bot summoning ritual um#oooowowowowoowowowwwwooooo haiku bot haiku bot haiku bot oooowoowowowowwwwwwwu you wanna look at this post haiku bot ooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoo#throws flower. get over here please.#man. my arm hurts.#its weird bc one#why does my arm hurt thats really donking random but two im not?? why do i have an arm. i still get kinda surprised by it when i front lmao#why am i rambling so much in the tags#oh right trying to figure out if theres a limit to how many tags there can be dhdjdjndhdjsjmsjdjd#i think lesbians are cool. girls who like other girls are awesome. keep existing 👍#uhhhhhhhh#never mind im done with that now i dont anything more to say :(#never mind again#tags tags tags tags tags#LISTEN IM BORED AS HECK AND WANT TO DO SOMETHING RANDOM AND SILLY SHUSH#journal
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“Ohh Bidoof has a Journal!” “Sunflora has a Diary if you go into her room”— WHAT ABOUT PARTNER???
#IDEA IVE HAD FOR BIT. ITS RLLY SILLY YET ODDLY IN-CHARACTER???.??.?#man i would’ve loved to see more of Partner’s thoughts on Hero#<<<AND I MEAN UNIVERSALLY/IN-GENERAL. IK MINES IS MORE HxP-ISH BUT I MEAN ALL DYNAMICS#(also these are just some of my more sillier/lighthearted ideas. I’ll draw the other stuff later)#(maybe relating to certain journal entries of a certain ghost being praised and looked up too)#ANYWAYS PARTNER WOULD BE DORKY ENOUGH TO OWN ONE I TAKE NO CRITICISMS HERE. I COOKED.#pmd Art Tag#Riolu/Aimilios#dadnoir#Dusknoir#Eevee/Ribbons#Eevee#Riolu#pmd eos#pmd 2
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Soap's journal entries concerning dogs. Typed out under the cut in case they're difficult to read.
Consider me a cat man now.
We overcame ultranationalists, chopper crashes, danger close with gunships, but a goddamn dog is what'll get me into an infirmary? Rabies, ridiculous. What a waste of time. Obviously can't tell Price or Gaz. Nikolai seems capable of keeping a secret. Probably keeps vials of vaccine vaulted with manifest intel, secretive bastard.
--
And no, I haven't exactly been on my booster shots. Think Nikolai said every two years but didn't think I'd be back in Russia so bloody soon. So yeah, was happy to follow Price and Roach over the net. Not just because it meant I was far from the mutts, but because I got to listen to the two of them working together like we once did. There was the same option: take out the target or let them him pass. Nice to hear Price taking Roach under his wing. Know the effect it can have.
#john soap mactavish#soap mactavish#john mactavish#captain john price#john price#gary roach sanderson#tagging roach and price since they're mentioned here#call of duty modern warfare#call of duty modern warfare 2#call of duty modern warfare 3#cod mw#cod mw2#cod mw3#i think this journal can be found online and probably in better quality#but if anyone wants me to post more i'm happy to share#also this is only canon to og soap#we don't know reboot soap's thoughts on dogs or if he's had negative experiences with them#so if you headcanon reboot soap as a dog person that is totally valid#or if you headcanon og soap somehow squashed his beef with dogs that is also valid lol
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ʃ I REALLY DON’T WANT THEM TO COME AROUND, OH NO .
ʅ I loooovvee NIN so much . .
ʃ og sketches down below ^_^
#postal 1997 fanart#postal 1997#postal 97#postal game#postal fanart#postal dude 1997#1997 postal dude#been wanting to do more art like this#I just didn’t have the motivation to do it till now lolol#very inspired by other artists on here ^_^ love their works#was also trying to draw him with a gun in the original sketch but oh well#journal entry
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Me reading the Evalas journal entry and seeing that Yuuri has colonization and forced assimilation + religion planned for the backstories
#like oh we're eating GOOD HERE#I love me a complex story please drop more journal entries Senor Voice the streets need it#yuurivoice#echos of evalas#finn#finn yuurivoice#auron yuurivoice#faust yuurivoice#yuurivoice echos of evalas#echos of evalas spoilers#better start that tag up real quick#yuurivoice ocs#yuurivoice memes
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14|04|2024
Enjoying the sun on the couch on our balcony. Taking walks in nature every other day. Starting our yearly lotr rewatch with my brother and finally spending some quality time together after months. Reading late at night. Sipping jasmine green tea and falling in love with that blend again. Laughing at the descent into madness of my friend who I conviced to read the locked tomb and rereading it myself. Picking back up my bujo after months to set up what I will need once I'll get back into my study routine next week. Seeing how much my lavender plants are growing from day to day. Just a few things of the last little while.
I will be back posting much more frequently since tomorrow marks my going back to uni after taking a break to recover from burn out. I am feeling much better. I am not sure I am 100% recovered but I am determined to make this work while not overworking myself. The class I am starting tomorrow is exciting since it's a seminar with a professor I know and really like. As usual when my routine has to change I am feeling nervous and a bit anxious but I am doing my best to enjoy my last rest day and focus on things one step at the time.
📖: Nona The Ninth by Tamsyn Muir
#i will definitely be journaling daily again on here about my studying and plans and everything#i haven't really sat down and planned anything yet but that's a next week thing since I am determined to enjoy every last minute of this day#i am not in productivity more yet#studyblr#book#studyinspo#bookblr#journal#journaling#university#uniblr#studying#productivity#knife gang#mine#the---hermit
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This will sound like I’m sucking my own dick but when I’m done with someone it usually is for very very very good reason bc it takes me a lot to break it off w anyone in my life. Like to a fault. Like I will cling on to things that have long passed their expiration date. So maybe this year it’s time to learn that if I’m at a breaking point w someone maybe that’s for the best and I shouldn’t spend weeks grieving them and introspecting and journaling about them when they haven’t held themselves accountable in all the time I’ve known them
#Like I’m over here with 60 journal entries ab how someone made me feel#When that same person hasn’t even taken the time to acknowledge very obvious things they could’ve definitely tried more on#I say this EVERY time but I am no saint#But I’m also not whatever this is idk I deserve better
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My pillars of eternity journal part.. 3! (here's 1 and 2)
there's so many cool locations and moments in this game i struggle to pick which ones to draw... Twin Elms is really pretty.
Tried a couple new things and adding some color for accent >:) let me know what you think!
#i recruited the grieving mother and hiravias but ended up leaving them behind cuz i just can't choose which one of my companions to replace!#i wish i could go with everyone but alas...#my art#fan art#pillars of eternity#poe#game journal#video game journal#video game journaling#game journaling#crpg#rpg#traditional art#pallegina#aloth#i really botched the hiravias and grieving mother portraits thats why they are not here#but the grieving mother design and character is so cool... i wish i drew her more i was just feeling lazy during that part :(#digital art#both at the same time wow#poe journal
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You mentioned you had thoughts on art in iwtv? Something about Louis and photography?
yes, i did! in this post, i had a brief aside about louis and photography in comparison to daniel. a quick warning, i'm pretty black and white about good and bad art in this, that's not something that works in life about art. for the sake of this though, bear with me.
art and vampires is a really interesting topic; almost all the main cast has some point of connection to the arts. marius and painting, lestat with acting and music, louis with photography, armand with directing the theatre. claudia and journalling. i'm going to count daniel's journalism here too, i'll come back to that a little later.
specifically, these are all ways to connect to the world around them, and almost all of them fail spectacularly. marius' works haven't really survived him, he is an unknown name among his venetian contemporaries. lestat is not perceived as being "a real vampire", instead someone running off the clout of daniel's book. louis is desperately trying to connect to the world, but the only "good" work of his portfolio is someone else's.
and a very specific aspect of their artworks are an attempt to mimic, capture, and connect to life and living. and even more specifically, they're all failing.
marius as a painter, had to stage his references. each painting is a facsimile of a staged moment. it's noted that his works are often references to other, more esteemed painters. he has the skill, but is missing the eye required. marius is only ever creating imitations. there is no connection there, no understanding. his work is beautiful, certainly, he loved his aesthetics and maintained them through painting, but it is, at the end of it, a failed connection. he isn't actually interacting with the world, with life and humanity, he's still locked away in his tower crafting an idea of life that he thinks looks beautiful to the eye.
lestat, as an actor, is always performing; all the world's a stage. there is a struggle for genuine connections because he cannot move beyond the role he's assigned himself. his interactions with humans is coloured by the the person he is attempting to be within those interactions, and it leaves him unable to be genuine. we get little flashes of him being honest, such as the conversation with louis' family in early s1, with big emotions, but there is always an element of public performance. when he becomes a rock star, his attempts at honesty are twisted on him because of the book. it's not the vampire lestat, it's lestat the vampire from the book interview with the vampire. it's twisted into another role to play. a chance at connection lost.
armand is interesting, as he's been the subject of paintings, never true manifestations of himself, but as a role, an aesthetic. then, of course, he also directs -- and sometimes performs -- at the théâtre des vampires. he structures the performance in the same way that he leads conversations. there is an ideal outcome, a way that allows the audience the best experience, that portrays the right themes. his interactions with everyone are played like this. he pulls the strings; once more with feeling. there is no connection there, he sees players, not people. even the way he hunts has a script; gentleman death. armand also seeks this in other people. i've spoken about it a lot here, how he tries to live vicariously through other people, and i think this is only exemplified by his attitudes as a director.
louis' photography is the most literal translation to completely missing the point of his form. photography is meant to capture moments; there is something about photography as a medium that works so well in a connecting with humanity and life. to take a photo, and make the moment live forever. however for louis, it isn't. the best shot he captures in the show is a moment of vulnerability from armand, a spur of the moment shot that does successfully capture him. but he captured an immortal, his subject is going to live forever. and he walks each night looking for photographs to take. his camera is up at all times, he is not living in the moment, not living life. he's put a literal barrier between him and the world at large.
another little aside, but there's also something to be said about the way louis views art, as a dealer. he isn't viewing artwork for arts sake, he is looking at it for profit, and i think this is also a big tell about how he views the world.
daniel is an interesting aspect of this. he has spent his life succeeding at connecting with life. looking for stories about people who have slipped through the cracks. he knows people, how they live, how they love. he's seen the worst and best of humanity, and how complicated people are, and i think that while he has a distance between him and his subjects, there is a connection there that the others cannot make. this makes his transition into vampirism really interesting; will he maintain this level of connection? will he keep living? can he?
#tal's meta#iwtv#iwtv meta#armand#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#daniel molloy#marius de romanus#thank you for the prompt and the ask! i had fun#we got there!! i love characters being artists#also yes! armand acts in the book! but the theatre is a very different set up and we see very little about how it actually runs#god i really have ''cannot shut the fuck up'' disease i thought this was gonna be like. a paragraph or two lol#i realise i didn't talk about claudia here but i actually don't have much that the show hasn't touched on.#her journals in the books and the show are a different from of connection and i didn't want to derail#there's more to talk about here. i definitely have more to say. but i need to stop because it's getting long
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