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reading-writing-revolution · 3 years

Text

Heather Cox Richardson

October 4, 2021 (Monday)

“hello literally everyone,” the official account of Twitter tweeted this afternoon, after Facebook and its affiliated platforms Instagram and WhatsApp went dark at about 11:40 this morning. The Facebook outage lasted for more than six hours and appears to have been caused by an internal error. But the void caused by the absence of the internet giant illustrated its power at a time when the use of that power has come under scrutiny.

In mid-September, the Wall Street Journal began to publish a series of investigative stories based on documents provided by a whistle-blower.

The “Facebook Files” explore how the company has “whitelisted” high-profile users, exempting them from the rules that put limits on ordinary users. Another article reveals that researchers showed Facebook executives evidence that Instagram damages teenage girls by pushing an ideal body image and that they flagged the increasing use of the site by drug smugglers, human traffickers, and other criminals; their discoveries went unaddressed.

Concerned about declining engagement with their material, Facebook allegedly privileged polarizing material that engaged people by preying on their emotions. It appeared to have encouraged the extremism that led to the January 6 insurrection, lowering restrictions against disinformation quickly after the 2020 election.

Last night, on CBS’s 60 Minutes, former Facebook employee Frances Haugen revealed herself to be the source of the documents. She is concerned, she says, that Facebook consistently looks to maximize profits even if it means ignoring disinformation. Her lawyers have filed at least eight complaints with the Securities and Exchange Commission, which oversees companies and financial markets. Facebook’s vice president of global affairs, Nick Clegg, said it was “ludicrous” to blame Facebook for the events of January 6. Chief executive officer Mark Zuckerberg and chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg have not commented.

Lawmakers have repeatedly asked Facebook to produce documents for their scrutiny and to testify about the social media platform’s public safeguards. Tomorrow, Haugen will testify before the Senate Subcommittee on Consumer Protection, Product Safety, and Data Security about the effects of social media on teenagers. Her lawyer, Andrew Bakaj, told Cat Zakrzewski and Cristiano Lima of the Washington Post that Haugen’s information is important because “Big Tech is at an inflection point…. It touches every aspect of our lives—whether it’s individuals personally or democratic institutions globally. With such far-reaching consequences, transparency is critical to oversight, and lawful whistleblowing is a critical component of oversight and holding companies accountable.”

Amidst the outrage over the Facebook revelations, technology reporter Kevin Roose at the New York Times suggested that the company’s aggressive attempts to court engagement reveal weakness, rather than strength, as younger users have fled to TikTok and other sites and Facebook has become the domain of older Americans. He notes that Facebook’s researchers foresee a drop of 45% in daily use in the next two years, suggesting that the company is desperate either to retain users or to create new ones.

While the technology Facebook represents is new, the concerns it raises echo public discussion of late nineteenth century industrialization, which was also the product of new technologies. At stake then was whether the concentration of economic power in a few hands would destroy our democracy by giving some rich men far more power than the other men in the country. How could the nation both preserve the right of individuals to build industries and preserve the concept of the common good in the face of technology that permitted unprecedented accumulations of wealth?

While money is certainly at stake in the issue of Facebook’s power today, the more pressing issue for our country is whether social media giants will destroy our democracy through their ability to spread disinformation that sows division and turns us against one another.

When we began to grapple with the excesses of industrialism, lots of people thought the whole system needed to be taken apart—by violence if necessary—while others hoped to save the benefits the technology brought without letting it destroy the country. Americans eventually solved the problems that industrialization raised for democracy by reining in the Wild West mentality of the early industrialists, protecting the basic rights of workers, and regulating business practices.

The leaked Facebook documents suggest there are places where the disinformation at Facebook could be reined in as the overreaches of industrialization were. When Zuckerberg tried to promote coronavirus vaccines on the site, anti-vaxxers undermined his efforts. But one document showed that “out of nearly 150,000 posters in Facebook Groups disabled for Covid misinformation, 5% were producing half of all posts, and around 1,400 users were responsible for inviting half the groups’ new members.” Researchers concluded: “We found, like many problems at FB, this is a head-heavy problem with a relatively few number of actors creating a large percentage of the content and growth.”

“I don’t hate Facebook,” Haugen wrote in a final message to her colleagues at the company. “I love Facebook. I want to save it.”

While most Americans were busy watching Facebook crash—the falling stock took between $5 billion and $7 billion of Zuckerberg’s net worth—drama in Washington, D.C., was an even bigger deal.

Los Angeles Times reporter Sarah D. Wire noted that the rioters who broke into the Capitol on January 6 ran more than 100 feet past 15 reinforced windows, “making a beeline” to four windows that had been left unreinforced in a renovation of the building between 2017 and 2019. They found the four windows, located in a recessed part of the building, Wire wrote, “by sheer luck, real-time trial and error, or advance knowledge by rioters.”

The Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol will likely look into this oddity.

The committee has begun to take testimony from cooperative witnesses. Observers expect fireworks on Thursday when former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, longtime Trump aide Dan Scavino, Trump adviser Steve Bannon, and Trump appointee Kash Patel must hand over documents. Trump has vowed to fight the release of any information to the committee. Chair Bennie Thompson (D-MS) says the committee will make criminal referrals for anyone ignoring a subpoena.

Finally, today, the debt ceiling fight got even hotter. While Congress passed a continuing resolution to fund the government through December 3, the issue of the debt ceiling, which stops the government from borrowing money Congress has already spent, remains unresolved. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen says the government will be unable to pay its obligations after October 18, and warns that a default, which has never before happened, would be catastrophic.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) insists the Democrats must raise the debt ceiling themselves, although the Republicans raised it three times under former president Trump and added $7.8 trillion to the debt, which now stands at $28 trillion. But when Democrats tried to pass a measure to raise the ceiling, Republicans filibustered it. As Greg Sargent points out in the Washington Post, McConnell is trying to force the Democrats to raise the debt ceiling through reconciliation, which cannot be filibustered. Since they get only one chance to pass such a bill this year, this would force them to dump their infrastructure bill.

McConnell is holding the nation hostage to keep the Democrats from passing a very popular bill, and today, Biden called him on it. McConnell complained that congressional Democrats were “sleepwalking toward significant and avoidable danger,” prompting Biden to demand that Republicans “stop playing Russian roulette with the U.S. economy.... Not only are Republicans refusing to do their job, but threatening to use their power to prevent us from doing our job—saving the economy from a catastrophic event—I think, quite frankly, is hypocritical, dangerous and disgraceful. Their obstruction and irresponsibility knows absolutely no bounds.”

When asked if he could guarantee we would not default on our debts, Biden said, “No, I can’t…. That’s up to Mitch McConnell.” If McConnell doesn’t blink and the Republicans continue to filibuster Democrats’ attempts to save the economy, there will be enormous pressure on the Democrats to break the filibuster.

Meanwhile, every day this drags on, Congress does not pass the Freedom to Vote Act.

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andmaybegayer · 4 years

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What is bus mode Ethernet?

Where did you even find that post buddy. That was so long ago *aide whispers in my ear* what do you mean only one month! December was four years ago!

So this is specifically talking about how wired networks are laid out. Nowadays, when you lay out a network for, say, a datacenter or an office, you lay it out in a star topology, using switches. That looks like this:

A switch is a smart appliance, which means it has an awareness of the network and can make decisions. If computer A decides it wants to talk to computer C, it sends a message down its link tagged with the address of C. The switch sees this packet and goes “ah-ha, I know where C is!” and sends the message down the right line. Notably here, B and D never even know this transaction took place. This is sometimes called point-to-point networking, because messages are only sent to the places they are needed.

Switches are popular nowadays, but there’s a problem: They’re computers. Because a switch is making decisions, potentially very fast decisions, it requires a fast processor. In the 90′s and earlier, such a device could cost an extraordinary amount of money: USD 100 per port was considered an absolute steal in 1997, and the further you go back, the worse it gets. A small office with a dozen computers probably doesn’t want to fork over USD 5000 just to network share sub-megabyte files and get emails.

The solution to this is Bus Networking.

It’s called Bus Networking because all traffic shares the same connections and thus share bandwidth. Y’know, like public transport.

This is a simple Ethernet Bus network. In this situation, if computer A wants to talk to computer C, it still emits a packet tagged with the address for C, but now there’s a difference: B and D can also see this packet coming through, and if they want they could ignore the addressing and read what it contains.

(note: those things on the end of the line represent signal terminators. On a long wire like this a message could bounce back from unterminated ends, interfering with traffic)

That’s not the biggest issue with bus networks though: the real issue is collisions!

If A tries to talk to C, but at the same time B tries to talk to D, two signals cannot travel on a wire at once. They mix up, and no one gets their message across. A collision has occured.

Fortunately for us, some Hawaiian researchers solved this problem in the 70′s when they were setting up radio communications between the Hawaiian Islands, a system called ALOHAnet. Radio has this problem as well: if everyone is broadcasting on one frequency, two people broadcasting can get muddled and now no-one gets to hear what was said. How can you efficiently send messages without collisions when you have no way to coordinate between members? Remember, trying to send a message to say “okay, you go first, then I’ll go” has as much chance of colliding as anything else!

We solve this with the ALOHA protocol, which is loosely as follows:

Pretend you are a computer. If you are already a computer, skip this step.

Send your message.

Listen for any messages from anyone else.

If you hear a message from someone else, then you know there’s been a collision. You can trust that they also heard your message.

Roll a small random number, let’s say between 1 and 6. Wait that much time. Everyone else on the network who wants to transmit does the same.

If you hear a message come through before you can send yours, wait for them to finish before you send.

Try and send when your timer expires and you have an opening

Listen for any messages from anyone else.

If you hear a message from someone else, there’s been another collision. Increase the size of your random number (try doubling the upper bound), roll again, and go back to step 4.

If you successfully transmit, you’re done!

This largely solves the problem. You have a way for all these devices sharing nothing more than a wire to communicate with each other. Make one of those devices a router with access to the network and you’re surfing the information superhighway!

On a not-too-busy network with a handful of users, this works surprisingly well, but it has a problem: as you get more and more active users on one network, the amount of time it takes for everyone to randomly roll the right numbers to transmit gets higher and higher, until the whole network bogs down. There are slight improvements to ALOHA that improve throughput, but you start to run up against mathematical limits pretty fast. With the addition of dedicated transmission slots rather than haphazardly counting down without a care in the world, ALOHA can reach about 35% utilization of a link.

An additional note: at this time, Ethernet didn’t run over CAT-5 like it does now. CAT-5 terminated in RJ-45 is what we usually use nowadays because we want to support 100-1000 megabit per second speeds,

Back in the Bad Old Days, ethernet generally ran over coaxial cable, sometimes called ThinNet, i.e. this shit, which you may recognize if you’ve ever used lab equipment.

Hence, you really could just tap off new lines from this pretty easily, you just had to join two wires and you were off to the races. This was actually preceded by a bigger serial interface, affectionately referred to as ThickNet. Both could run at about 10Mbps maximum, which, once you throw in that 35% utilization? You can see why we needed to move past this. 3.5Mbps was slow for a local network even in the 80′s.

Nowdays, you can buy a brand new switch for a pretty reasonable price, or a used switch for a downright bargain, running at speeds that would have blown the socks off a Cray engineer a couple decades ago. Bus-mode ethernet basically only exists in weird industrial and sensor applications where switches are impractical or unnecessary, plus we have Wi-Fi now. Wi-Fi doesn’t have to deal with the same problems as ALOHA, because it allocates little chunks of frequency and time to every device on the network, keeping most transmissions separate one way or another with careful negotiation.

Bus mode ethernet still works, even with modern networking! If you decided to splice a bunch of modern PC’s together with junction boxes and allocated addresses to them all, they would step in line and roll back to this antique networking technique because it’s all part of the standard.

I’m gonna call it here but I do have another post in me about the way bus networks were actually set up and the weird as hell switches you might have found in a burgeoning 80′s tech company. Let me know if that sounds like anything.

#Anonymous #computer stuff #networking #ethernet

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dreaminginthedeepsouth · 3 years

Link

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

October 4, 2021

Heather Cox Richardson

In mid-September, the Wall Street Journal began to publish a series of investigative stories based on documents provided by a whistle-blower.

“I don’t hate Facebook,” Haugen wrote in a final message to her colleagues at the company. “I love Facebook. I want to save it.”

While most Americans were busy watching Facebook crash—the falling stock took between $5 billion and $7 billion of Zuckerberg’s net worth—drama in Washington, D.C., was an even bigger deal.

The Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol will likely look into this oddity.

Meanwhile, every day this drags on, Congress does not pass the Freedom to Vote Act.

—

Notes:

https://www.commerce.senate.gov/2021/10/protecting%20kids%20online:%20testimony%20from%20a%20facebook%20whistleblower

https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/10/03/facebook-whistleblower-frances-haugen-revealed/

https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-facebook-files-11631713039

https://apnews.com/article/facebook-whatsapp-instagram-outage-8b9d3862ed957029e545182a595fdce1

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/03/technology/whistle-blower-facebook-frances-haugen.html

https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-whistleblower-frances-haugen-says-she-wants-to-fix-the-company-not-harm-it-11633304122

https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/10/04/facebook-instagram-down-outage/

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/04/technology/facebook-files.html

https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-mark-zuckerberg-vaccinated-11631880296

https://www.latimes.com/politics/story/2021-10-04/jan-6-rioters-exploited-little-known-capitol-weak-spots-a-handful-of-unreinforced-windows

https://www.politico.com/news/2021/10/01/bennie-thompson-jan-6-panel-subpoena-514940

https://www.politico.com/news/2021/10/04/jan-6-panel-trump-collision-514979

https://www.washingtonpost.com/us-policy/2021/10/04/biden-schumer-debt-ceiling/

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

#quotes #political #facebook #social media #debt ceiling #political hardball #Heather Cox Richardson #Letters From An American

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eve6262 · 4 years

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Long Gone - A Bug Fables Fic

Being a parasitic amalgamation of a moth’s memories and a cordyceps causes many problems. A loss of the sense of self, medical marvels and problems that no one knows how to solve, an eternal hunger that never turns into starvation but never gets satiated.

It’s not all bad, though.

“Aaahh, nice and cool…”

The three of them are sitting in a patch of shade. The desert sun beats down with the intensity of Crisbee’s oven. Vi is surgically attached to Leif’s side, occasionally sighing. Kabbu looks on from beside them.

“Kabbu?”

“Hm?”

“You look like you want to say something.”

“Oh, it’s nothing…”

Leif tilts his head for a moment. He goes through the logical conclusions- they’re quite close to the Wasp Kingdom, perhaps he’s thinking about his fallen comrades. A small bout of mourning.

Then he feels the cordyceps instinctually curl up against the places where Vi’s warmth touches his crystal cold skin, and he very quickly realizes the problem.

“There is space on our other side, you know.”

“Oh- I wouldn’t want to bother-”

“Not a problem.”

“Ah. Still, are you sure-”

“Kabbu.”

“If you insist.”

Kabbu moves from his spot in the shade to cuddle up to Leif’s left, still quite shy of doing anything but sitting shoulder to shoulder. Vi, by contrast, immediately draped herself over his torso when they found this spot.

The cordyceps again moves a few tendrils to Kabbu’s side, unintentionally cooling that part of his body further. For a long while, there is content silence. Leif starts quietly petting Chompy, who makes little happy noises on his lap, Vi has very nearly fallen asleep, and Kabbu grows a little softer at the mere sight of his compatriots.

“My apologies for being so long.”

Leif simply starts patting Vi’s head until she bats him away and stands up, where Kabbu practically jolts to attention.

“Maki! It’s not a problem. You said something about important business?”

“Mmmph, did you have to tell us all the way out here? I’m still sleepy…”

“These are confidential matters. I’d rather no one in the Ant Kingdom hears of it.”

“Confidential?”

“The Wasp Kingdom would rather not the general public know about it, much less the other Kingdoms. We, of course, respect their wishes.”

“Keeping secrets again, huh? That’s kinda what led to the whole dictator thing…”

“Hence why Queen Vanessa has trusted us with this information.”

“My, this sounds like quite the responsibility.”

“Truthfully, I am unsure if we can do anything. I suspect we’ll need help from the Bee Kingdom, perhaps even the roaches.”

She’s about to continue, but suddenly there’s a very tired and out of breath Neo at her side.

“Maki...do you have...to go that...fast?”

“I didn’t want to keep them waiting.”

“Yeah, but...I think...I’m gonna pass out…”

“Ah, Neo! Please, don’t- here, do you need anything?”

“A bit of rest will help.”

“You should grab Leif. He’s really cold.”

“Oh, I’ll be fine...though that does sound quite nice…”

“We should get moving. Queen Vanessa has entrusted myself and Her Majesty with the information, but I am unsure I can explain it properly.”

“Very well.”

Neo huffs, still tired.

“More walking..?”

Leif tilts his head, thinking of a solution once more. As Kabbu attempts to give his “dear friend” a pep talk, an idea pops into his head. He doesn’t like walking either- so he doesn’t, always.

“Here. We will carry you.”

“Huh? Leif, no offense, but you have like zero muscles.”

“Not with our arms.”

He conjures a platform of ice, the kind he usually floats about on. It hovers close to the ground, waiting for its occupant. Vi makes a noise behind him while Neo climbs on, clearly happy to not need to walk.

“Wait, you could do that the whole time? That could’ve saved us when we first were infiltrating the Wasp Kingdom.”

“We couldn’t. We were still learning how to control our powers properly.”

“Ah. Fair enough.”

With a bit of grumbling from Vi (“You could carry me!” “No.”), they set off to the Wasp Kingdom. Neo doesn’t say much- evidently he wants to chat Kabbu’s ear off, but his lungs won’t let him- and Maki has always been stoic.

At the front entrance, Neo gets off the ice block, fine to keep walking again. The guards at the front are somewhat weary, but let the group through when Maki shows them a letter from their Queen herself.

Finally, they find her in her throne room, talking to a wasp they’ve never seen before. He’s got a messenger bag with papers practically falling out of it and a pair of spectacles.

“You’ve arrived. I must thank you again for everything you’ve done for this country.”

“It is our duty, Your Highness.”

“I apologize to call upon you once more, but there is an issue with something that is out of any of our expertise. Please, come with me.”

They go into a room past the throne room, down a spiral staircase, and end up in a basement that feels oddly familiar.

“This place reminds me of the Snakemouth lab.”

“We were about to say the same thing.”

“I don’t know anything about that, but if it was built by roaches you would be correct. Long ago, before they disappeared, the roaches’ closest ally was this very Kingdom. We shared with them song and dance and culture and our blades, and in exchange they shared with us their technology and information.”

“That makes sense...This place is closest to the desert.”

“This place is one of those labs, made by ancient wasps, who modeled it after roach laboratories. The problem is this machine right here.”

She walks over to a tube of sorts. It’s got a mechanical base and top, with wires running everywhere to and from it. Inside is a crystal...creature?

“This was one of their experiments. It was abandoned the same time this place was- namely, when Hoaxe took over. At the time, however, many of the records had been lost, so we were simply observing it and keeping it in stasis.”

“Now, however, since it was abandoned for so long, the stasis is broken. It’s currently asleep, but it won’t be soon.”

Leif regards it with curiosity and a sort of kinship. In some ways the cordyceps wishes to reach out and grab it and treat it like another little pet- like Chompy or the little bedbug. It’s a bit bigger than the baby Mother Chomper, but it’s just as cute, and still manageably small. It’s a little smaller than that child always running around in front of their house in the Ant Kingdom.

Belatedly, he realizes the others are talking.

“...ice powers! Leif has those, and he’s part crystal, kinda.”

“You are?”

“Yes. Though the actual situation is a bit more complicated than that, we are part crystal, in a sense.”

He’d nearly forgotten, what with the cordyceps situation, that the cordyceps itself was a roach-driven crystal experiment. Funny how these things happen.

“...I thought you were just a blue moth.”

“We used to be red, actually.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yes. We thought it unimportant to mention.”

They’re interrupted by a beeping from the tube. Alerts pop up on the console, but Leif pays attention to none of them. Instead, he watches as the crystal beast slowly starts to move, leg by leg. It looks like a spider, he realizes, but with none of the ugliness. Cute, apparently.

A cute thing is a cute thing. No need to look into it further.

As Queen Vanessa is typing away on the console, though, it shatters the glass with all the ease of moving a wing. It hisses, looking at Vi and Kabbu, backing up, ready to fight-

And then it spots Leif.

~~~

crossposted on ao3, will have a part 2 probably.

~Eve6262

#bug fables #fanfiction #fanfic #kabbu #leif #leif centric #vi #writing

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youngdreamer3214 · 4 years

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Parting Words

Disclaimer- I don't own the Teen titans or anything related.

Jason Todd is Red X.

The titans are in their mid- twenties. Raven and Jason are living together in Gotham after the titans were taken over by younger heroes; but they still go on missions assigned to them by the league.

Strong winds blew as dark clouds adorned the sky. Thunder raked through the skies and the clouds were desperate to shed the water they had been holding. A storm was brewing.

But it was nothing compared the storm of emotions which trapped Raven and Jason which was ready to swallow them whole.

"How can you not tell me Jason?" Raven said in anger, a few objects rattled in dark magic. Jason sighed in frustration "It wasn't important."

Raven sharply turned to face her boyfriend and hissed "How can you think it wasn't important? You took three bullets Jason near your heart...three bullets! You almost died."

"I'm not dead, so how is it any important now?" he said, anger and frustration creeping in his voice.

"You are my boyfriend Jason, it is important to me." She yelled, a few more objects rattling now. They had been fighting for about an hour now and they both were incredibly thin on their patience.

"I am fine now, so why are you making it a bigger deal than it is." He yelled back.

She took a step towards him and exclaimed "It is a big deal because you are important to me. Don't you get that?"

He also took a step towards her and yelled "No, what I don't understand why are you so mad?"

"I am mad at you because I love you." She spat turning away from him in frustration.

Raven and Jason had been dating for two years now and were living together. Jason had just returned from a long mission and Raven got to know that he didn't tell her that he nearly died had Batman not intervened. Which was also why Jason didn't want to talk about it, he was pissed off because Batman saved him; needless to say he still had some issues with his adoptive father.

After Batman found out that he was the anti- hero, Red-X; he tried to get Jason to join the family again, Jason was a little reluctant about that but he became a hero again.

Jason growled and grabbed her arm to make her look at him, his eyes were pulsing green from the pit as he snapped "Maybe that's the problem" Raven gasped and looked at him with shock and hurt.

"...I can take care of myself, I don't need anyone and even if I did I am sure as hell that I don't need a pathetic demon like you." He added after a couple of moments of shocked silence, his eyes still pulsing green.

They were silent for a couple of moments as his words hung between them like poisonous daggers. Raven looked at him with tears welling up in her eyes, his eyes lost the green tint as the realization of his words dawned upon him. He took a step towards his girlfriend who was on the verge of crying and reached out to touch her and protect her against his harsh words but she stepped back and chanted her mantra to teleport away from him.

He was reaching forward to grab her before she teleported away but he was too late, he looked at the spot which was previously occupied by his beloved girlfriend and he sunk his face in his hands and pulled his hair a little roughly.

This wasn't how today was supposed to go; he wanted to spend time with his beloved girlfriend after being away for so long. He had missed her so much.

He honestly wasn't thinking when he spoke, he just saw red at that moment and he didn't mean anything he said. He loved her, more than anything in his life and her love was one thing he treasured more than anything and that would never ever be a problem; and he couldn't live without her.

He knew that his words hurt her, despite her emotionless appearance Raven felt everything very deeply and she had told him that she never felt like anyone needed her or wanted her and hearing those words from him would have really broken her heart.

He grabbed his phone and his gear and rushed out of their apartment to find his girlfriend while he dialled her number and tried to track her phone.

Meanwhile Raven teleported herself away from their apartment, she wiped her tears but they continued to fall, she slowly walked to the nearest bar and sat ordering a drink for herself. His words had cut deep and had hurt her a lot more than she could fathom and the only thing she wanted to do now was drink.

Yeah, many of her boyfriend's habits had rubbed onto her.

She sighed and placed her head in her hands, silently crying while his words repeated themselves in her mind. She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard her phone ring.

She pulled it out of her pocket and saw the picture of her boyfriend and his name flash on the screen. She cut the call and switched off her phone so that he couldn't track her and shoved it back in her pocket.

As she drank she thought about her options, she could go to her big brother but he was off on some mission with Kori. So the alien was also out, maybe she could speak to Richard, no she stopped that train of thought.

After her last encounter with Damian and now with Jason, she couldn't speak to him. She couldn't deal with bats anymore. 'Maybe what they said was true, why will they need me?' she thought sadly and ordered another drink.

Damian Wayne, the blood son of Bruce Wayne was her close friend but even he tended to say things without thinking. And what he said last time to her had felt like he had stabbed her.

Yeah, she wasn't having good days.

After a few hours, she sat in the bar almost drunk when she felt a familiar presence approach her but she didn't bother to look. Nope, she didn't care who it was or what they wanted, they could all go to hell.

"Finally Raven, Jason is going crazy looking for you." Came the familiar voice of her good friend, Richard as he sat beside her on a bar stool.

Richard was actually worried because if Jason had called him for help finding Raven then they must have had a bad fight. Jason usually stayed distant and didn't call for help unless he was really desperate. And now his worries increased as he saw Raven drinking, many glasses surrounded her and she was holding one also. Raven was usually level headed and logical; and if she was drinking heavily then she must be really upset.

"Don't care...leave me alone." She slurred and continued drinking from the glass in her hand. He sighed and turned to look at her, her shoulders were slumped in defeat and she was holding onto the glass as if her life was depending on it. He couldn't see her face as it was shadowed by her now long wavy hair.

He was about to say something when he saw a few tears drop on the bar as she finished her drink. She placed her glass on the table and extended her card towards the bartender to pay for her drinks. "What happened Rae? Tell me" he said calmly but also firmly as he placed his hand on her shoulder in a friendly way.

"Nothing...just leave me be." Came her low reply. Raven internally snarled at her demon anatomy, she couldn't even get drunk fully; she was just tipsy right now. She got up, shaking off his hand and turned to leave the bar when he grabbed her hand to stop her from leaving. She just jerked her hand back.

"You are one of my best friends, please tell me." He pleaded again. She wrapped her hands around herself and mumbled "Damian and Jason are right."

And she walked out of the bar leaving a confused Richard behind, what were his brothers right about. He ran to catch up with Raven who was walking slowly; he jogged beside her and asked "Where are you going?"

The streets seemed a little empty for it deep in the night and a storm had just passed, leaving puddles of water in its wake.

She didn't have a destination in mind, she was just walking. "Jason doesn't need me." She mumbled again, her eyes droopy and her legs shaky. Richard turned towards her as he walked, not seeing where they walked.

Richard had directed all his attention towards the young woman in front of him who was a very strong demon, who was the queen of hell and could destroy the world on a whim but right now she was vulnerable and sad. He was trying to understand and maybe then solve what was troubling her but he couldn't understand anything from her cryptic answers.

Before he could say anything, a light flashed behind him, Raven turned and pushed him away. He was caught off guard by this and he fell and as he fell he heard a crashing sound and a sound of a vehicle stopping forcefully. His heart skipped a beat as he realized what happened.

He got up quickly and ran towards the truck; he hadn't realized that they were walking on the road. When he reached he saw the bleeding body of Raven near an electric pole with sparks falling from the pole because of the collision and a few wires laying near her, and a man panicking as he dialled a number. Richard ran towards his friend and saw her clothes seeping blood, she was bloodied and bruised with a deep gash on her forehead.

He drew her to his lap and said frantically "Raven...look at me." Her eyes were half hooded, there were silence as he quickly scooped her up and made his way over to the cave as that was the place nearest to them and one of the very few places equipped to help her. His heart was jumping loudly, his friend saved him but maybe at her cost. "Jason." She mumbled and passed out; her body limp in his arms as he rushed.

'Oh God, Jason! How would he handle this?' Richard knew that he had to call Jason but right now his priority was making sure that his friend would survive.

He jumped quickly but carefully and ran as to not hurt the empath, he didn't care if his clothes were bloodied, and he just had to make sure she was all right.

Richard didn't want to think about the worst, he pinged the emergency button which he always had on his belt to alert the cave. He was panting for air by the time he reached but he quickly entered the pass code and saw his mentor, his father standing there with his younger brother, Tim.

"What happened Richard?" Batman asked as he took the young woman from Richard's arms and rushed her to the medical wing. "Accident...she saved me." He said in between long intakes of air.

Batman carefully but swiftly took the young woman to the medical wing, blood was seeping from her wounds and her bruises were turning blue-black for some reason.

Batman was quite fond of the young empath, at the beginning he did not approve his second son dating an inter- dimensional demon's daughter but she had slowly won him over. He saw that she made Jason happy and made him feel loved and honestly he didn't want anything more than that. After everything Jason had been through he deserved happiness.

With extreme caution he did a scan of her and started her treatment.

Richard sighed and saw his hands and clothes which were covered in the dark beauty's blood. He sat with Tim; they didn't say anything for they were sad and worried for their friend. Richard rubbed his eyes and took out his phone and dialled his younger brothers' phone.

After a couple of rings Jason picked up his phone.

"Did you find her?" Came his desperate question. "Jason...something has happened."

Jason reached the cave and yelled "Where the hell is she?!" his heart was thumping so fast and loudly that he could hear it over the lightning raking the city outside the shelter of the cave as he approached Richard and Tim.

When he saw his older brother, time stopped for him and his heart started beating faster if possible, adrenaline pumped through his veins. Richard's clothes were stained in dark blood along with his hands; Jason tried to steady himself when he saw that Richard didn't look at him.

He growled and asked again in a dangerously low voice "Where is my girlfriend?" Richard looked at him with concern and guilt lacing his expression and sighed sadly "In the medical wing..." Jason pulled Richard's collar so that they were eye to eye as he roared "What the damn hell happened?"

Richard freed himself from his brother's grasp with a deep breath and told him everything. Him finding her in a bar, she almost drunk and unwilling to speak to him, and her saving him from being hit by a truck but getting hurt instead.

Richard turned and saw fury and concern on his younger brother's face, before Jason could say anything Batman walked towards them. Jason ran towards their mentor and asked frantically "How is she? Is she okay?"

Batman sighed and looked at his son who was fidgeting in his worry and was two seconds away from running towards his girlfriend. "Jason, she hasn't woken up yet and is very weak. We won't know fully about her condition until she has woken up."

"What happened to her?" He demanded. Batman sighed and said reluctantly "She has lost a lot of blood and has four broken bones and one fractured rib."

"But she can heal herself." Jason stated in anger. Batman took off his cowl and said "Her powers are exhausted after protecting her heart from the current."

Wordlessly Jason ran towards the medical wing and towards his weak girlfriend. He opened the glass door with a shaky breath and saw his strong and beautiful girlfriend now looking pale and fragile. Her head was bandaged as were some parts of her hands and she was hooked onto several machines, he slowly walked towards her and saw her midriff also bandaged.

He carefully held her hand, cautious enough to not cause her more pain than she already is in. He kneeled beside her on the floor and kissed her hand "Wake up, love...if only to be angry at me; but please wake up...I need you." His heart beat was mirroring the thunder that was echoing in the city.

He said the last part shakily and rested his head beside her, trying to blink away the tears forming in his eyes.

Bruce, Richard and Tim saw the scene before them and were astonished seeing Jason like this, so broken over someone. They all hoped that Raven would wake up soon, for she was the only one who could heal Jason also.

Jason woke up to a hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly. He lifted his head hoping it was all a bad dream but when he met with the bandaged body of his girlfriend his face fell. He looked over his shoulder and saw his father standing with a concerned expression.

"She'll be okay Jason; she loves you too much to leave you." Bruce comforted his son. Jason sighed sadly and rubbed his eyes saying "I screwed up Bruce...I said some things I didn't mean, I hurt her...I am the reason she is like this. If I hadn't said all that then she wouldn't have left...and then she wouldn't have been in this condition."

"Thinking like this won't do you any good Jason, all you can do right now is learn from your mistakes. And I am sure that she will be okay, she's very strong." Bruce said wisely.

"You haven't slept in two nights, go on. I'll sit with her." Bruce added. "I can't leave her." Jason said stubbornly.

Bruce sighed and said "At least go shower and eat something...until then I'll sit here."

Jason thought over his mentor's words and then reluctantly nodded and kissed his girlfriend's hand which he had been holding and got up "I'll be back soon, love."

Bruce watched his son walk out and then turned his attention towards the young empath in front of him and said softly to her "Jason needs you, he's happy with you and I haven't seen him this happy since a long time."

After a couple of minutes the dark knight saw a twitch of black magic on the empath's fingertips; he sighed a bit in relief knowing that she was in there somewhere.

After an hour, the glass doors swished open and Bruce met with the face of his eldest son, "Where's Jason?" the older hero asked.

"He passed out on his bed." Richard said with a slight chuckle and the dark knight just smiled a little and then turned his attention back to the dark beauty.

0O0

"Where's Raven?" Jason roared as he saw the empty bed in the bat cave, his fury was surfacing as Tim approached him and said softly "Bruce and Dick shifted her to the Manor while you were sleeping...they are with her at the moment."

"Thanks replacement." He nodded at his younger brother and approached his old home through one of the many secret entrances to his old home. He approached the medical room, situated in the depths of the manor and saw Raven still unconscious and Richard sitting on a chair beside her and reading some novel to her sleeping form.

Jason walked inside and grabbed a chair, and pulled it so that he could sit with by his girlfriend. Richard paused from his reading and said with a tiny smile "Bruce said that her wounds are healing rather quickly."

"Then why isn't she waking up?" Jason said with desperation and worry lacing his voice. Richard placed a hand on his brother's shoulder "She'll wake up, Jaybird...she is too stubborn. It will just take some time."

Jason didn't reply instead he just looked at his girlfriend.

After a couple of long, slow moments "I'm sorry...if only I had paid more attention to where I was walking then she wouldn't have to save me."

Jason turned and looked at the guilty expression of his elder brother, he couldn't pretend that he wasn't angry at him for not protecting Raven but then he remembered that his girlfriend was Raven, and if the choice came to save herself or others then she would chose others in a heartbeat.

Her selflessness was something he both admired and hated at the same time.

"Don't apologize Dick, I asked you to help me find her...in a way it's my fault." Jason muttered. Richard placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and picked up the book again and began reading from where he had left off.

Jason didn't say anything instead he lightly kissed her hand before holding it tightly between his. He also noticed the light flame of magic on her fingertips and smiled in relief internally, knowing that her magic was slowly coming back, which would help her heal.

A week went by; Raven was still unconscious; she had begun to show signs of rapid healing when one day her heart beats started to slow down. The whole bat family started panicking but Bruce had restarted her heart via electric shocks. Jason was two seconds away from losing control but when he heard the rhythmic beating of her heart, he calmed down.

And since that day he refused to leave her side but after his brothers, Alfred's and Bruce's constant coaxing he was made to eat, shower and sleep. And he was not to be given entry unless he did all that, Jason grumbled as he left his girlfriend's side after kissing her jewel lightly and muttering an 'I'll be back.'

Today Damian was watching Raven; he hadn't come to see her ever since he found out that she was in the medical wing. He couldn't face her as he remembered his last words to her. His heart was filled with guilt when he remembered how hurt she looked.

"I didn't mean anything I said." Damian muttered softly.

"What did you say exactly?" Richard asked from the door. Damian whipped his head towards the source of the voice and sighed knowing that he cannot lie to his elder brother.

"I said something I didn't mean...I said that she was a mistake and when Todd realizes that fact he will also leave her."

There was a moment's silence, Damian looked at the carpet in shame; unable to meet his brother's disapproving stare.

"You said WHAT to my girlfriend." Jason yelled from the entrance of the room, which had Richard and Damian's gaze snapping over to him. And he looked furious with his eyes pulsing green. Jason stalked towards the ex- assassin but before he could say anything Richard came in between them and placed a hand on Jason's chest, holding him back so that he wouldn't bruise the youngest Wayne.

"He didn't think before he spoke, Jaybird and he regrets it." Richard said.

"And that makes it forgivable!" yelled Jason. "No, it doesn't. Let me speak to him while you sit with Raven." Richard said calmly.

Jason glared and growled as he sat on the chair near his girlfriend as Richard pulled Damian out of the room.

They stood outside in silence; Richard's glare was piercing into Damian. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize to me...you need to apologize to Raven when she wakes up...and next time think before you speak, your words did hurt her a lot and made her think that what you said was right." Richard said and walked off.

Damian walked in the room when Jason had left for a minute or so; he walked over to the unconscious form of his best friend and said "I apologize for my cruel words Raven, I didn't mean any part of it...we are lucky to have you in our lives and I hope that you wake up soon." He saw her fingers twitch and her magic seep through her fingers.

That evening, Bruce was watching Raven and Jason, as he had slept with his resting beside her on the bed and his hands holding hers in a gentle but firm grasp. Bruce silently did a scan of her and saw that all her wounds were healing quickly.

Suddenly the young girl gasped lightly and blearily opened her eyes, she felt a heavy weight on her hand and when she turned she saw her boyfriend sleeping with his head near her and her hand in between his. He stirred a bit but didn't wake up.

"Finally you're awake." Bruce said with a soft smile towards the girl he was coming to think of as a daughter. "H-how?"

"Dick brought you here." He replied softly. When he saw that Raven was about to say something he added "Sleep, we can talk after you have fully rested."

Raven wanted to protest but her eyes were droopy from the medication, she slowly gave in and slept. The dark knight looked at the now sleeping young woman and smiled in relief, she was awake and all right. He then turned to his son and lightly shook him awake to give him the news.

Raven slowly opened her eyes and was met with the beautiful aquamarine eyes of her boyfriend and his smiling face. "There she is, sunshine." He said softly.

"You gave us quite a scare Rae." Richard said; Raven turned towards the source of the voice and saw the Tim, Richard, Damian standing near the opposite wall with Bruce standing on her right side with relief shining in his eyes and Alfred standing at the entrance with a small smile. Jason helped Raven sit up as he placed pillows behind her to support her.

Bruce saw the confusion on her face and said "Let's give them some privacy; we can speak to Raven later." They all nodded and shuffled out of the room, as the door closed behind them, Raven found herself crushed to Jason's chest.

"I'm sorry Rae...I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean any of it." He said frantically. Raven could feel his tremble as he pulled her tighter against him and kissed her hairline.

She slowly pulled away and saw the worry written on his face "Don't let me go again." She placed her hand on the right side of his face and he leaned into it "Never little bird, never again." He kissed the inside of her palm and pulled her closer so that he rested his forehead against hers. "I was so scared little bird...so scared."

She looked up at him with the dark, enchanting eyes of hers and said softly with a smile "I know...I could hear everything." He then leaned forward and kissed her passionately, pouring all his love and worry in that kiss. She responded with equal passion and wrapped her arms around his neck.

They parted and Jason kissed her nose saying "I love you...I love you so much." Then he saw the smile that made his heart beat a little faster and she replied kissing him lightly "I love you too."

Jason smiled at her words and then saw the tiredness in her eyes, he grinned and said "Come on, rest for a bit...your body hasn't fully healed." She smiled and laid back on the pillows, Jason was about to get up when she caught his hand and muttered "Stay..."

Jason kissed her hand and saw her making space for him on the bed; he smiled and got on beside her. He curled around her and placed his hand around her waist, carefully enough to not hurt her injuries. She placed her head on shoulder and her hands on his.

He kissed her temple and pulled her tighter against him and muttered "You're my little bird and I am never letting go ever again." And he could feel her smile against his skin before she slept and after a few moments of watching her sleep he also gave in.

And that's how the bat family found them later, Jason curled around Raven with her head on his shoulder; both having happy and peaceful expressions. They didn't have the heart to wake the couple up so they left silently, letting the couple find comfort and love in each other.

#raven #redrae #jayrae #teen titans #redx #jason todd

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arandompostarchive · 3 years

Text

SALEM - Ch. 12

SAVED WORK

Summary: In all the centuries of your existence, you had never been dragged out of hiding by another god, put in a superhero team and forced to save the universe. But it seems your luck has run out.

_____________

***

8 Days Left

Your letter was currently in a glass box with metal plating on Tony’s desk and he was running every code imaginable to break whatever lock you had on it. He heavily suspected it was some sort of magic. Something not yet explained by science. If magic were explainable by Earth’s scientific laws, well. Then it’d just be science.

But whatever this was. It wasn’t something he’d seen before. Something humans haven’t quite figured out yet. But hey, he’s solved a lot by just trying so, what the hell. Why not.

Unfortunately, trying didn’t seem to be working this time, and the box had sparks flying out of it before he even finished the last line of code.

“Shit.” He slumped back in his seat and Bruce sighed from across the lab.

“Tony, maybe you should just give up on that. We might still have to fight Ker, you know.” Tony nodded. He was right, of course. Wherever you were, he still had to prepare like there was a battle coming.

“Give me one more try.” He said, brushing his fingers under his nose.

He picked up a screwdriver and tightened some of the metal plates on the outside of the glass. It was more of a thrown together device. But he didn’t know how long he had to build something. If you thought it would take more than two weeks, you probably would’ve given yourself more time.

After what turned out to be three more tries, he heard stumbling outside his lab’s door. Bruce looked up from where he was working on the other side of Tony’s lab.

From the other side of the room, he heard “Uh, Mr. Stark? Can someone open the door?” Then some sort of metal hit the ground before the door slid open on its own. Peter smiled, “Oh. Thanks, Friday.”

She responded with a “No problem, Peter.” Before Peter took a few steps in, placing the box he was carrying on a nearby table. He went back to pick up a small piece of metal on the floor and Tony went to examine the box.

“What are you doing here, kid? It’s gotta be 2 am, at least.”

“Actually it’s 4 am,” Peter said.

“Well, that’s worse.” He picked up a few spare wires from the box and set them down on the table below.

“Mr. Stark, I was thinking.”

“Always a good thing to do, I suppose,” Tony said, offhand.

“About Y/n.” Peter continued. He took a pause, waiting for Tony’s reaction. The only thing he got was a sigh. Part of Tony wanted to (hypocritically) lecture him about getting some sleep, tell him that Y/n was going to be fine and he and Bruce could handle it. But the other part of Tony knew Peter was an inventor. A young one, but a smart one.

So, after about a minute, he responded, “Okay. Shoot.”

Peter smiled, whispering out a small “Yes!” And Tony smirked a bit.

“Okay, I made a sort of tracker. Kind of. It tracks energy signatures, and I figured we could use some sort of trace of Y/n’s abilities, and track it.”

Tony glanced back at the letter. You had clearly used whatever abilities you had on it. (He was never really keen on calling it “magic”, even though that’s exactly what it was.)

Bruce butted into their conversation, “That might work, but if she’s too far I don’t think we could find her with that. I mean, that’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.”

Tony nodded.

“Maybe we just need to use a magnet,” Peter suggested, with a small, very tired smile.

“And you think you made a magnet?” Tony asked, watching Peter’s nod. He recognized the boy’s attitude. It was one he copied himself whenever he stayed up far too late.

Was this what everyone else saw when he was exhausted? He would’ve made some promise to get more sleep (if he thought he’d ever keep it).

“It tracks energy signals and amplifies them. It’ll find her, as soon as she uses her abilities it’ll amplify the signal and track her, simple.”

“Across the universe?” Bruce walked close to the pair, trying his best to chose his words carefully. “She’s a powerful person, I’m not doubting that. But I don’t think you can track just her across the universe.”

Peter’s smile dropped a bit. As much as Tony wanted to agree with Peter, Bruce had a point.

Peter took a second stumbling over his words as he glanced at the boxed letter on Tony’s desk. “Maybe her and Loki? I’m sure we have something of Loki’s around.” Tony and Bruce glanced at each other. Bruce sort of shrugged, unsure of the answer.

Tony wanted to say no. The answer was probably no. If he couldn’t track Loki last year, why would he be able to now? And tracking you would barely give him any info. He needed to be able to trace an energy signal strong enough that it would show up on radar. Preferably one he already had information on.

Despite all of that, he found himself saying “worth a shot” before he could think it through. He picked up Peter’s makeshift machine. “We’ll have to make a few updates, obviously. But-uh. Not bad. Now go to bed, or I’m taking that suit.” He mumbled, to which Peter nodded, leaving behind the box and a sketch of his design.

It took Tony a few hours to improve Peter’s design. The small, box-sized device was much bigger and had what looked like a satellite dish attached to it. Tony had hooked some of the spare wires up to the glass and metal box containing your letter. Another set of wires was connected to a computer system, tracking your location. He had added one of Loki’s knives that Thor may or may not have stolen from Loki’s room. Something that Loki wouldn’t be happy about later.

He was typing out Peter’s program. He wouldn’t say anything, but Peter was a smart kid.

“You know, Y/n. I think you’d be proud of this one. Well, I’d probably have to explain how tracking works and how this computer functions, but uh. Still.” He said, more to himself than anything else.

He wasn’t sure of the time, but he thought it had to be maybe 8 am? It couldn’t have taken him that long, and he’d probably have to get breakfast with the team soon. He wasn’t excited for Steve’s remarks about how he should get sleep, or stop worrying so much, so he’d decided to get coffee and get out. Once he tried turning the tracker on.

With a few more minutes, Peter’s tracker was up and running. It had taken a sort of scan of the energy you and Loki’s items were giving off and started tracking it… where ever you were.

“Shit. This isn’t working.” Tony whispered under his breath. Not that there was anyone but Friday who could hear him at this point. Bruce finally went to sleep, and he was left in the room alone.

“Friday.” He took a seat and rubbed his hands over his face.

“Yes, Boss. Everything alright?”

Tony shook his head and pick up a screwdriver to fiddle with. “This isn’t a strong enough signal, is there any way to get a better reading?”

“Sorry Boss, there isn’t enough information to do more than tell you which way you should be looking.”

“At least that’s something.”

“It’s a start.”

“Yeah. A start isn’t really what I need right now.”

Tony set down the screwdriver and looked back at his computer.

“Hi, Mr. Stark.” He heard from the doorway. Peter walked in, not looking much different than a few hours ago.

“Kid. Thought I said to get some sleep. It’s been four hours.”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure it’s at least 11,” Peter said, looking confused a bit.

“He’s right Boss. It’s 11:32.” He heard from inside the room.

“Who’s side are you on?” He fired back at the AI who didn’t respond this time.

“How’s the tracker working?” Peter looked fairly anxious and he joined Tony at his desk. He settled at Tony’s left side, examining the computer tony had attached to his machine.

“Well, it’s not bad, kid, but we kind of need a stronger signal. These items aren’t exactly great examples of their abilities, and this is a pretty big universe. I have a general direction, that’s it.”

“What about Ker?” Peter asked as if it were obvious.

“What?”

“It tracks energy signatures.” Tony nodded along, waiting for Peter to continue. “ I mean if you need a stronger one Ker spent like two weeks shaking all of Alaska.”

Tony pulled up Ker’s small file they had created anyway. It contained everything about her, including all records of her first few weeks on Earth. That contained every reading he had of her, so he selected her last one. One strong enough to call the Avengers to look into it. He added it to signals to look for and the computer started recalculating.

“Awesome!” Peter got closer to it, observing how it worked with his machine. “It works.” Tony set his hand on Peter’s shoulder. He didn’t say anything, but then again, he didn’t need to.

Soon, the computer came up with a location. It certainly wasn’t exact. Couldn’t tell which planet it was from either, but it gave him a much more concentrated idea. Sure, it was probably two or three solar systems worth, but he could do a better job tracking you down with that information.

That is until the computer’s screen went red.

“Sorry, Boss,” Friday said, “Ker’s signal just went dark.”

“What? No, how did that happen? We didn’t touch anything. Nothing’s wrong.”

“It’s a problem from their side, the signal attached to Ker isn’t operating anymore.”

“Is she hurt or something?” Peter asked.

“Well, I haven’t exactly called her recently,” Tony said, trying to fix the issue.

“Boss, I don’t think you can repair this without Ker’s signal,” Friday said, speaking a bit slower than usual.

“Shit,” Peter whispered. Tony sent him a small glare but didn’t say anything else.

“What now, Mr. Stark?” Tony stared at the computer, dragging his hands over his face again.

“Just hope Capsicle’s doing better than we are.”

***

The rest of the team was trying to brainstorm. Mostly about where you were, but “What is Loki up to?” was a good question as well. Steve had gathered them in their common area instead of the meeting area. He figured the team could use a slight change of pace.

Natasha was looking over pictures of Ker’s graffiti.

“For the most part, she only says ‘Doom is rising’ but look, there’s another phrase in a few of these.” She pointed to a small string of words in the corner of one of the pictures.

Rhodey looked over from his sitting position.”’We follow Doom?’” He read aloud.

Natasha nodded. “But ‘doom’ is capitalized.” She paused for a second, looking over the room to make sure everyone understood what she was suggesting. “What if she’s being literal? She’s literally talking about doom.”

Rhodey seemed a bit confused. “Like the god of doom?”

She nodded.

Thor stood up from his seat, “Moros. He’s the god of doom. Ker and Y/n’s brother.” The team exchanged glances with each other.

“Okay, so how do we use that to our advantage?” Clint asked frustratedly. There was no way to prove that idea yet, and without any other information that was basically useless. “Y/n’s the only one who knows these people unless you can tell us more than that.” He gestured to Thor, hoping the god had more to say.

Unfortunately, Thor only shook his head slightly, “Nothing you can’t find out for yourselves. There isn’t much written about him, and she’s never gone into detail about any of her siblings.”

So, the team might know who you’re fighting, have a general idea of where you are and have a reasonable guess of what you’re doing. That’s nothing. Nothing Steve can use, at least. Having a ‘general idea’ doesn’t help mathematical equations. He looked over to Bruce, hoping he had any ideas.

“Tony’s been working on something. It’s a kind of tracker, it’ll be able to give us a good idea of where she is.”

As Bruce was finishing speaking, Tony walked into the room and took a seat next to Natasha.

Steve nodded toward Tony as a greeting before speaking. “Bruce was saying you made a tracker?”

“Yeah, I made a tracker.” Tony raised a cup of coffee to his lips, his sip was small and somewhat slow. Steve would’ve been a lot happier if he couldn’t sense Tony’s sarcastic tone. “I got a location using Loki, Y/n, and Ker. Then Ker’s signal went dark and I lost it.”

Steve couldn’t say he was excited, but he’d have to figure something else out.

“It’s okay. We’ll find something else.”

“Will we?” Tony said, “We have no idea where she is. She left us with a letter we can’t read and basically no information. What am I supposed to do with that? All this tech and I can’t even build something to find her.”

Tony’s voice was just as sarcastic as usual, but just about everyone could hear he was serious. In a strange, Tony Stark way.

The echo of Thunder was heard outside of the windows, a sort of low rumble that managed to break the silence that had slipped into the room.

“Hey, Point Break, you minding losing the dramatics?” Tony snapped.

Thor stared at him, a mixture of confusing and a slight hit of offense was it?

“That was not me, Stark.”

The rumble continued, lasting longer than thunder usually would.

“You sure?” Tony asked again, this time with actual curiosity.

Friday’s voice interrupted Thor’s response.

“Um, Boss. It seems there’s Quinjet prototype 2-D heading for just outside the compound. The one Y/n and Loki took.”

Tony immediately stood up and look out the window and up to the best of his ability. He didn’t see much more than a smoking shadow headed downward.

“C’mon.” He signaled to the team, who all went to suit up, prepared to deal with the worst if need be.

They arrived outside quickly. The ship had crashed into the ground as they were all walking out. As Tony approached, helmet down, the door to the ship opened and he heard shuffling.

Loki stepped out, clutching his side. He managed to walk towards the team. There was blood on his tunic. A dried, dark color. Tony hoped it was his.

Thor went up to his brother, wrapping his arm around him to support him. Loki kept his hand pressed tight to his side, making a fighting effort to stand as straight as he could.

Tony waited for you to walk out. But you never did. You never walked out with a triumphant smile or even a frustrated huff. You didn’t ask if he had ‘anything better to do’ than wait around for you. So he didn’t get to answer ‘no, I spent the whole day worrying’. He didn’t hear your small sarcastic laugh. A sign that whatever happened on your mission, you were okay. In fact, he didn’t hear you at all.

“Where is she?” He asked Loki loudly. Loki didn’t need to ask who he meant. He knew automatically.

“Dead.” The god coldly responded.

***

#loki x reader #loki #salem #saved work #fanfic

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atamascolily · 4 years

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more CotJ meta, because apparently I cannot be stopped

I don't understand how essence transfer works in Children of the Jedi. It seems... wildly inconsistent depending on what is narratively convenient at the time.

I don’t know why Callista is able to make the jump from her original body to the Eye of Palpatine’s gunnery computers and then from the computers to Cray’s body without (much) issue, while poor Nichos couldn’t. Maybe it's because Callista had received secret Jedi training from her master that Nichos didn’t have access to? Or because it would interfere with Hambly’s plot to give Callista Cray’s body?

(I think we all know the answer to this, but I’m gonna go through all the arguments anyway.)

Luke does float the idea of Cray creating a droid-body for Callista to inhabit, which Cray and Callista both reject, but for wildly different reasons.

“You said Djinn Altis showed you—taught you—to transfer your self, your consciousness, your … your reality—to another object. You’ve done it with this ship, Callista. You’re really here, I know you are …”

“I am,” she said softly. “There’s enough circuitry, enough size, enough power in the central core. But a thing of metal, a thing programmed and digitalized, isn’t human, and can’t be human, Luke. Not the way I’m human now.”

So Callista’s argument is basically that a giant ship is big enough to contain her spirit, but a droid wouldn't be? How did Exar Kun manage this, then? I mean, granted, he was evil, and had low standards for ethics, but still... I don’t get it.

I get her main point here: she believes she's more "human" as a ghost than she would be as a droid, or with her spirit somehow “translated” as a series of zeros and ones, as Cray was somehow able to do with Nichos. And I can see why she wouldn’t want that kind of existence for herself. But I still don’t get how consciousness works in this novel, and why Callista can’t transfer herself--her real self--into a different object, the way she did before, instead of being “translated” by Cray into a digital copy.

This also begs the question of how much Callista's HUMAN spirit is influenced by thirty years in the computer core, which the novel doesn't address, but fics like Deaka's "Blue Screen" on FFN are fortunately there to fill the gap.

Here’s Cray’s take on Luke’s request to “fix” Callista:

“To turn her into what Nichos is? To cannibalize parts from the computers, wire together enough memory to digitalize her, so you can have the metal illusion around to remind you what isn’t yours—and can’t be yours? I can do that … if that’s what you want.”

...“Not the way you and I are human.” Cray came over to them, her blond hair catching fire glints in the greasy light. “Not the way Nichos was human. I should never have done it, Luke,” she went on. “Never have … tried to go up against what had to be. My motto was always ‘If it doesn’t work, get a bigger hammer.’ Or a smaller chip. Nichos …”

She shook her head. “He doesn’t remember dying, Luke. He doesn’t remember a switchover of any kind. And as much as I love … Nichos … as much as he loves me … I keep coming back to that. It isn’t Nichos. He isn’t human. He tries to be, and he wants to be, but flesh and bone have a logic of their own, Luke, and machinery just doesn’t think the same way.”

Her mouth twisted, her dark eyes chill and bitter as the vacuum of space. “If you want me to, I’ll make you something that’ll hold a digitalized version of her memories, her consciousness … But it won’t be the consciousness that’s alive on this vessel. And you’ll know it, and I’ll know it. And that digitalized version will know it, too.”

So Cray rejects it because she doesn’t want Luke to make the same mistake she did: of seeing a replica as the original. And she makes a point of calling herself out on her attachment to Nichos, so much so that she warped and twisted her life to try and hold onto to him when she couldn’t. And she’s telling Luke not to do the same thing with his own life--which he will of course ignore.

I'm used to thinking of identical digital files as interchangeable, but that's not the case here when you're downloading human consciousness. There's also this idea that the droid/digital versions isn't "real," which is also worth chewing on, but a whole 'nother philosophical debate in and of itself.

But Cray's other point is also worth considering: the body we inhabit has qualities of its own that are impossible to deny; they shape our experiences of the world. This is why I'm absolutely floored that nobody ever follows up on Callista's experiences in Cray's body--how she's able to just smoothly take over, and the only issue ("software bug"?) is that she can't access the Force. This is... probably not how it works. I wrote a fic about this, but it only scratched the surface of the story possibilities for dysphoria and "body-as-a-character".

(I solve this problem of essence transfer in other fics by arguing that it only works smoothly--i.e., with minimal dysphoria and a complete transfer of Force powers--if your spirit jumps to a physical clone of your original body. This explains why clone!Palpatine can access the Force, while Callista can't, because Cray's body 'recognizes' Callista's spirit as foreign to itself and is continually fighting her, so much so that all her Force abilities are tied up in holding her in that body--which is also Force-sensitive.)

Also, re: robot bodies and human consciousness, I’m reminded of a passage in Yeats’ “Sailing to Byzantium” here:

Once out of nature I shall never take My bodily form from any natural thing, But such a form as Grecian goldsmiths make Of hammered gold and gold enamelling To keep a drowsy Emperor awake...

"Sailing to Byzantium" is all about what it means to be old in a failing body, right from the opening line--"That is no country for old men". And while it's poetry and there are a lot of ways to interpret, one valid take is that it's about shedding your bodily form to become a robot/artificial construct so you can live forever, and I have a lot of Feels about that in relationship to Star Wars. (Paging Anakin Skywalker!) But I digress.

Going back to CotJ. an additional problem is that any physical components will be carrying the malvirus of the Will:

“Thank you, Cray. And don’t think I’m not tempted. I love you, Luke, and I want … I want not to have to leave you, even if it means … being what I am now, forever. Or being what Nichos is now, forever. But we don’t have the choice. We don’t have time. And any components, any computers, you take from this ship, Cray, will have the Will in them as well.

I don’t know why she can’t jump to an object unconnected with the Will--like, say, her lightsaber. Isn’t Exar Kun using a big statue of himself as an anchor? I mean, it’s kinda of impractical compared to being inside a computer, but maybe it could be a temporary thing until Luke is able to build her a ship of her own??

(A lightsaber would be a really good choice as an anchor because of the kyber crystal inside, which Callista may or may not have a working relationship with if you hold them to be sentient or partially sentient beings...? There's fic potential there, that's all I'm saying.)

(As a further aside, in my Star Wars/Portal crossover “Testing Limits,” I postulate that the Will is a GLaDOs-like uploading of a human consciousness into digital form. I still believe that holds true for canon, even though there’s not much supporting evidence other than that the Will is set up as foil to Callista and it adds to the incredibly Gothic atmosphere. Either the Will is human consciousness, or it’s modeled after human consciousness for maximum Uncanny Valley effect because Luke is always describing it as having a presence and malevolent intentions, and Callista is always fighting it.)

So Barbara Hambly spends a lot of time establishing that Cray's body is the only viable (hah!) option for Callista, which will be important later on. But let's get back to Nichos for a minute, and his failure with essence transfer.

It's weird because at the beginning of CotJ, Cray talks about Nichos transferring his SPIRIT to the droid body using the Force and Ssi-ruuk entechment--which sounds eerily identical to what Callista did thirty years earlier--but they know something's wrong right away when Nichos can't use the Force. Cray's all "I can fix that, it's a technical difficulty!" but Luke knows better. Everyone knows, except for Cray.

I think THAT is the moment where Luke and Cray should have had a Talk, when it was absolutely clear to everyone that whatever Cray was doing hadn't worked--that she'd succeeded in making a digital copy, and the original Nichos was actually dead.

Instead, Cray buries all her considerable energy into "fixing" Nichos mechanically. She believes with enough research, she can shape the droid Nichos into a human being... which doesn't solve the fundamental problem and misses the point entirely.

He heard her voice, its usual brisk sharpness honed to the brittleness he’d heard in it more and more in the past six months...

“It’s really just a matter of finding a way to quadruple the sensitivity of the chips to achieve a pattern, instead of a linear, generator. ... Hayvlin Vesell of the Technomic Research Foundation spoke in an article of going back to the old xylen-based chips, because of the finer divisibility of information possible. When I return to the Institute—”

“That’s what I’m trying to impress on you, Dr. Mingla—Cray.” Tomla El’s voice was a murmuring concert of woodwinds. “This may not be possible no matter how finely you partition the information. The answer may be that there is no answer. Nichos may simply not be capable of human affect.”

“Oh, I think you’re wrong about that.” She’d gained back the smooth control in her voice. She might have been speaking to a professional colleague about programmatic languages. “Certainly a great deal more work needs to be done before we can dismiss the possibility. I’m told also that in experiments with accelerated learning, at a certain number of multiples of human learning capacity, tremendous breakthroughs can occur. I’ve signed up for another accelerator course, this one in informational patterning dynamics …”

Her voice faded down the corridor. A great deal more work, thought Luke, hurting for her, pressing his hand to his brow. It was Cray’s answer to everything. With sufficient effort, sufficient maneuvering, any problem could be surmounted, no matter what the cost to herself.

And the cost to herself, he knew, had been devastating.

I actually really like Cray's arc in this novel--that she's forced to drop the perfectionism and workaholism she uses to block her considerable pain, and comes to accept the situation as it is, and finds peace in doing so. I just wish this realization didn't culminate in assisted suicide, that's all.

(That said, this scenario gets 100% creepier if you imagine flipping the genders here--if “Dr. Mingla” was a male scientist resurrecting his female lover in a droid body. I wonder if Luke would have intervened sooner in that case, instead of just assuming Cray had everything under control because she was an expert?)

While we're on the subject of "by any means necessary" and "avoiding one's problems": in contrast to Cray, Callista's original decision to transfer her spirit to gunnery computer to watch over it is framed as laudable. But even there, there are hints all is not well:

“It wasn’t … so bad, after a time. Djinn had taught us, had theoretically walked us through, the techniques of projecting the mind into something else, something that would be receptive, to hold the intelligence as well as the consciousness, but he seemed to regard it as cowardly. As being afraid or unwilling to go on to the next step, to cross over to the other side. Once I was in the computer …”

I.e., there's a reason why essence transfer is mostly practiced by the Sith--because it's a kind of clinging to life, or a version of life, rather than embracing what is and moving on...

Also, I don't see anything in this explanation that requires computing capacity, as Callista will claim later, so... *shrugs* I don't know what's happening there. CotJ has this weird relationship between the Force and tech, where Luke can physically manipulate objects with his mind, even though the Force is only generated by "life", but Irek remote-starting the Eye of Palpatine or controlling Artoo-Detoo is seen as "impossible" and novel. And yes, Irek does have special training and tech augments to help him, and I like the implication this is a specialized skill, but...like I said at the beginning, I don't get how this all works except for “narrative convenience” and “authorial fiat”.

Anyway, CotJ strongly implies that Cray was misguided to cling to Nichos and to pursue "life" for him at all costs, for both Nichos and herself. Yet somehow when Callista does it, it's okay, because Luke loves her... even though Callista herself is way more ambivalent about what she's done, and her acknowledgment that

“Everything has to be paid for... I should have known there would be a risk... I might have guessed there would be a price.”

And I think that's one reason I like Children of the Jedi so much: that there IS a cost, that there ARE consequences, and not even magic space wizardry can fix or solve every problem. I like that Callista pays a price for the ethically dubious act she does--somewhat, but not entirely mitigated by circumstances, and by Cray's eagerness to participate in this (unprecedented?) experiment.

Also, you want more nightmare fuel? I just realized last night we only have Callista's word for what went down on the ship in its last moments--that, and it seems 100% in keeping with Cray's state of mind leading up to this, to the point where Luke was afraid to leave her alone because he was worried she was going to hurt herself. It gets even creepier when you realize Callista's ghost immediately volunteers to sit with Cray after Luke realizes this, and I can't help but wonder what happened between the two women when Luke isn't around to witness it.

Callista's account at the end makes it sound like Cray realized at the last minute that she wanted to follow him--that it was an impulsive decision, somewhere in between stunning Luke and stuffing him into the shuttle and the destruction of the Eye of Palpatine--but I wonder. I really wonder. Cray and Callista clearly had time to plan a "what if Luke doesn't cooperate?" scenario and leave a recording for him to find in the shuttle, so I wonder how exactly the whole "you can have my body, I don't want it" conversation went down. There's a fic in there for sure.

But even taking Callista 100% at her word, I like the irony that she chooses to go along with Cray's scheme in part because she's so in love with/emotionally attached to Luke (just as Cray can't let go of Nichos and Luke can't let go of Callista)--only to eventually realize that there's something she values more than her relationship with him, namely her own life, and her own relationship to the Force, which has always been a part of her life and is now "missing". Cray chooses to die for love, Callista chooses to live for love... only to set it aside, because LIFE is more important to her than her love for one specific human being... just like she sacrificed her own life to destroy the Eye, and left her first lover in the process... PARALLELS, Y'ALL. I LOVE ME SOME NARRATIVE FOILS, YO.

Anyway, this got long and rambling, but I believe my initial thesis that essence transfer is wildly inconsistent and the results depend almost entirely on narrative convenience still stands.

#star wars #Children of the Jedi #eu fuckery #SW meta #star war legends

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danetobelieve · 4 years

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Gru Voice: Light Bulb! || Orion and Winston

Winston and Orion had actually been hanging out a little more then Winston had expected. Especially now that the sleepwalking thing was solved, Winston found themselves with way more time and energy to devote to the old Scribe headquarters and they were getting pretty good at knowing their way around in the dark. But today, as they walked down the corridors of the old musty building, Winston hoped that it was the last time that they would have to do this in the pitch black, or even with a torch. Today was the day they fixed the electricity. “So, I am like 85% sure the problem is the fuse box and I have all the things I need to fix it, then I think it is important that rather then immediately running power through the whole building, we give the fuse box a break -- who knows when it last handled any amount of voltage -- and we just hook the power up to the library and your sleeping room.” They touched the long spool of power cable which was hanging off of their left shoulder. That was where that came in. “Once we’re sure that the fusebox doesn’t need any major work then we can definitely look at hooking up the whole building. Sound good?”

Orion was in a small state of disbelief. Winston had been at the Scribe headquarters multiple times since the night they had unintentionally wandered into the abandoned building. During the days, they would spend time in the library hanging out. But ever since the sun never rose, the Scribe Headquarters was practically uninhabitable. And that was saying something, considering the state that it had already been in. But Winston had offered to come and fix the electricity too. At this point Orion could only assume that the two could be considered… friends. Though with the help Winston was offering, Orion certainly needed to figure out a way to repay them, but wasn’t sure what he had to offer to Winston. “Just let me know what you need from me.” Orion smiled, not that Winston could really see. Both of their flashlights were angled forward as they made their way down the hallways and towards the room where the fuse box was. “I really can’t thank you enough. I really appreciate you offering to help with this.”

Raising an eyebrow gently, Winston guided the beam of their flashlight so that it somewhat lit the way that they were going. They made their way down a set of rickety steps that led down into an old basement, or was it a cellar? They weren’t really sure what the technical term for the subterranean entry way that they found themselves in. “For the moment, I need you to try and give me as much light as possible so that I can see what I’m doing, but I will definitely need some help later on.” Raising an eyebrow gently, Winston laid down their tool box and flipped it open to reveal a very well ordered set of tools that they’d received from their parents when they were eighteen. “Hey dude, you took me in when I was sleepwalking and you gave me somewhere to sleep and to stay, so I don’t really think you need to say thank you. This is just my way of saying thank you for that night.”

“Yeah. Of course. You got it.” Orion agreed with Winston. He would do whatever they told him needed to be done. Whatever it took to get this place up and running again. It still felt like a fever dream that in an hour or two this place could be lit up again. Maybe for the first time since the 80’s. It was it’s own small piece of history, that Orion may actually have a part of. He could help rebuild the Scribes, at least the White Crest chapter. And maybe… just maybe.. Winston would want a bigger part than just fixing the light. But that was still getting ahead of himself. For now, Rio focused on shining the light where Winston needed. “Oh.. well seriously that was nothing. Like I said, I don’t even own the place or anything. This is basically public property now. Besides the like magic entrance part.” He laughed nervously, the light shaking around the room with his laugh. “Oh sorry.” He calmed the laughter and focused the light again. “So uh… How long do you think this will take? Not that I’m rushing or anything. Just curious.” Although Orion did have to admit that the darkness was making him nervous despite him walking these same halls hundreds of times. Just the knowledge that the sun wasn’t going to rise in the morning made a difference.”

“Cool, I think we can manage this together.” Winston was convinced that they were going to be able to do a good job and really clean this place up. They knew that there were so many good things that they could do with this place and they knew that Orion wanted them to do it. It was a project that they could work on together and Winston really hoped that it would lead to them learning a whole host of new things. They were excited to learn everything that they could. They needed to learn more about the supernatural so that they could survive it and maybe one day they could help someone else and other people survive it. “Well, either way, you turned this place into somewhere that is really worth coming to and I want to help now, maybe we can make it our own place and this is just the first start.” Winston had to admit that the magical entrance was a big reason why they were convinced that there was now supernatural things and information that could be learned from this old, musty and somewhat decrepit building. “Well, hopefully it shouldn’t take us too long but if we have to replace a bunch of wiring and fuses then it might take more then tonight, but I guess it is time that we find out what we can do with this place first, y’know.” They kept working, occasionally asking Orion for a hand. “How did you work out how to get past the magic thing?” Winston asked, hoping that they could come up with a more feasible excuse for themselves other then, I used magic.

Despite Orion’s own fears, he had to believe that Winston was right. They could manage this together. It was an easy enough start. Couldn’t rebuild the Scribes without lights. If Winston could get this first step initiated than that could lead to all of the other changes that Orion had envisioned. He had never expected any of them to come to fruition though. “I- Well thank you.” Orion wasn’t great at taking compliments, especially from people he liked. Winston truly thought that this place was worth coming to. Despite the lack of electricity and the fact that Orion didn’t have much to offer besides old mattresses and junk food. It was… surprising. Orion wasn’t used to companionship just for the sake of friendship. He was used to ulterior motives or forced interactions. “Right, yeah of course. Well… finger’s crossed that this thing works on the first try. But if not that’s fine.” Orion watched, fascinated by Winston as they worked. Orion had always enjoyed learning about other people’s passions but watching it in action was something else entirely. Orion got to see that passion in action and liked see them so focused on the task at hand. He got caught up in the moment and barely registered Winston’s question, waiting for a few moments too long before finally realizing what had been asked. “Oh- Sorry I wasn’t focused. Uh, I didn’t, if I’m being honest. My uncle used to be a scribe here once upon a time. He showed me how to get in when I was a kid.” Since then, a few people had gotten into the building, but not many by Orion’s choice. The only person he had invited into the barrier was Kaden but just to grab him some information on demon’s. “You’re actually the first person I’ve actually shown how to get into the building. Since my uncle showed me, I mean.”

Winston was not thinking quite as big as Orion was. At the moment they just wanted to have a place to study the resources that had been made available to them at that moment. Either way, if this was where Orion was spending the majority of their time (as Winston suspected it was) then they were going to do everything that they could to make this a bit more habitable and getting the power back on was a good start with that. “If we can actually get the power working, maybe we can look at getting some solar panels to keep this stuff going.” Raising an eyebrow, Winston pulled a head torch from their bag and attached it to their forehead as they gazed at the fuses and kept working. “It probably, almost certainly won’t work for the first time, maybe not even the second or the third, but I guess there is still plenty of time to find out which it will be…” they took a deep breath before pulling a few wires out of the fusebox, looping them over one another and rewiring a few more selections of the fusebox. Placing the screwdriver in their mouth, they did their best to talk around it. “Yourf funcle washn’tf …” they looked around, “Ufh … fupermaturally inflined? If you knowr wharft I mrean...”

“Solar panels…” Orion hadn’t thought about that before. It would be the most efficient way to keep that place running. The main issue would be the cost. If only he could hunt down an older Scribe. The thing about them, at least from what his uncle had told him, was that a lot of them came from old Scribe families and old money. The type of people that can afford to build their own private archives in their homes. The type of people that maybe, just maybe, would fund solar paneling and remodeling for a young scholar trying to rebuild the Scribes. Orion just needed to figure out how to find that. “That’s a great idea! I’ll do some research on that.” When Winston broke the news that it most likely wouldn’t work on the first try, Orion could only shrug. “No worries. We’ll get it eventually. Well.. you will get it actually. But I’m here in spirit.” It didn’t bother him, not much. If nothing worked Orion may be slightly disappointed, but at least Winston was willing to try. It took a minute for Orion to decipher their next question, but began laughing nervously once he did. “Oh my uncle? He uh- well no. Not really. He was a human.” Orion wasn’t sure how to answer. Winston had made that first step, asking about the supernatural that both had seemingly assumed the other knew. Still, even with the knowledge finally about to come out, Orion couldn’t tell Winston that his uncle was a hunter. Winston would put to and two together and realize that Orion himself was a hunter. A monster. At least Orion wasn’t exactly lying. His uncle was a human. “He just studied the supernatural. That’s what the Scribes did.”

“Obviously the real problem is having the money to purchase the solar panels, and with all the darkness being a thing they wouldn’t work, so we’d have to invest in generators or something, but in some places if you’re careful you can actually sell electricity back to the power companies.” Winston had done a lot of reading about carbon neutral homes when preparing to do this, trying to put in the greenest installation that they possibly could. “Your moral support is invaluable,” Winston replied as they slotted another fuse into place and began to finish wiring in the main cables, running them to the breaker and making sure that everything was in place, “besides we’re nearly ready, everything is set up on my end so all you’ve got to do is flick the breaker, don’t get too excited, it isn’t like all the lights are going to come back on, just that one over here.” Winston stepped forward and pointed out one of the lights before screwing a new bulb into it. “If that works we can try hooking everything else up and make sure that it is all safe before running power to the library and then go from there. But for now, will you do the honours?”

“Yeah. True. But.. well I’ll cross that bridge when I get there I guess.” Thinking too much on it now would just send Orion spiraling into a panic attack. For all the planning Orion wanted to do, it was all too grandeur for him to take on right now. So he needed to calm down and take it one step at a time. For a moment, Orion closed his eyes and silently practiced some breathing techniques. He didn’t want to worry Winston by making any noise. But Winston’s words of encouragement helped ground him back to reality. This was the moment of truth. Rio went over to the switch, his hands practically shaking. A nervous mixture of excitement and fear. “This feels so weird. Never thought I’d do this.” He pressed his finger to the button and as gently and feebly as he could manage, flipped it over. His eyes closed on reflex, and for a moment stayed in darkness, but he slowly opened one eye to find that aside from the lights that Rio and Winston had on, another light in the corner had flicked on. “Holy…” Orion trailed off, the disbelief apparent in his voice. Finally, he found the ability to speak again. “Holy crap. It worked. You’re a miracle worker!” Orion jumped up and down excitedly, a grin illuminating at his face as he turned to look at Winston, “You did it!”

“Exactly, besides this darkness stuff won’t last forever, you know that nothing like this ever does.” Winston was perhaps just a little more concerned by what could possibly replace the darkness. It seemed like with each new development something new went wrong and somehow it was almost always worse then the one before. But they were trying to be more positive and that attitude wouldn’t help anyone. As Winston watched Orion flip the switch, they were pleased that it had worked. Nodding for them to flip it off again, Winston set about on the next stage of the plan. Hooking up the relevant rooms to the fusebox, they knew that this would take them a while in total. To get the building up and running to a decent standard. But for now they only needed to cover two rooms if they could get that down then they were sure that the rest wouldn’t be too difficult. “Hell yeah dude, we did it.” They grinned gently and clapped Orion on the shoulder. “Now I really need your help, can you start running these wires into the library and the sleeping room and we can set everything up, we’ll properly wire everything in later but for this part it doesn’t matter all that much if it doesn’t work out. But for now let’s keep going.”

Orion stared at light in amazement. It was amazing that something so dull and monotonous could hold such wonder. He had been staring at those dusty, unlit bulbs for months now. And now they were finally lit up. How ironic, that it would come when the literal sun wasn’t rising. “We did. We really did. Er- well you really did it. I held a flashlight.” And poorly, if Rio was being honest. He had been so caught up on his own things that he hadn’t been paying much attention. The light had been shaky, had moved off its target once or twice. He didn’t have much experience with manual labor, clearly. If this could even be considered that. “Right of course. I can do that.” He grinned back, leaping up and ready to do whatever Winston needed from him. “Got it- Like uh- You want me to physically take the wires into the library and sleeping room? Or uh- like from here?” He asked nervously, embarrassed that he had no idea what Winston was talking about.

“You’re so hard on yourself,” Winston replied dismissively, “this was a team effort and if you can’t see that then you might need to adjust your perspective. Besides, holding the flashlight was the hardest job.” They giggled a little at their own joke. They were in this together. Sure Winston had done all the hard work now, but Orion had already made a lot of progress making this place habitable. They had prioritised things similarly to Winston and they just generally needed to try and be a bit more positive with themselves. Grinning at the fact that they had given what was the most vague instructions they possibly could, Winston raised an eyebrow and adjusted their glasses. “You make a good point, I should probably just come with you, I just need to finish this and I’ll be done in here anyway.” They fiddled with the fusebox before closing it up again. “Come on, lead the way back to the library and we can see if we can actually read the books without having to squint too much.”

“Sorry-sorry” Orion sighed. He knew what Winston was saying. It was hard to break the habit. He was only as hard on himself as his family had been. Or maybe he had been ever harder than his family had been. “Working on taking compliments.” Maybe Evelyn was right, he did need practice. But Winston was nice and patient, which made for a good combination considering how frustrating it must be to hear Orion constantly berate himself. At least he imagined it must be frustrating. “Teamwork makes the dreamwork!” Orion gave Winston a thumbs up as they closed up the fuse box and got ready to head towards the library. Orion was happy to lead, in fact it was probably one of the happiest times that he walked down the dark, creepy hallway of the Scribe building. He was hopeful, something that he didn’t feel incredibly often. “So I guess it’s probably pretty obvious, but the Scribes did more than just take care of a library.” Orion admitted as the two turned a corner, “They were supernatural records keepers. It was their job to keep history on all the weird happenings around the world. Well, before they stopped obviously.” Winston had taken that first step. Asking about Rio’s uncle. The supernatural facts were out there so might as well put Rio’s cards on the table. Well, not all of his cards, but the Scribes for sure. Around one more corner and Orion opened up the door to the library, “Okay, let’s get started!”

“You’re all good dude,” Winston replied with a shrug, they knew how difficult it could be to get your confidence back and they weren’t about to push Orion too hard just when they were starting to become friends, “taking compliments is hard as fuck, so don’t sweat it. You just gotta desensitise yourself, to this stuff so I’ll just keep complimenting you until you’re bored of it.” Winston knew what it was like to be anxious and working alongside others, they were a very nervous person who was afraid of pretty much everything and in this world that wasn’t the best combination. “Aha!” Winston hooted with laughter, “exactly. Dreamwork does make teamwork.” Following after Orion, Winston made sure that the wire didn’t get tangled as it was spooled out and carefully kept it to one side so that they wouldn’t trip over it later on. They listened intently to Orion’s explanation. They had been CERTAIN that there HAD to be an organisation that was dedicated to keeping some sort of order to this thing. “So they were kind of keeping an eye on everything?” Winston was curious, they seemed to have a good chunk of influence so what the hell had happened? “Where are they now? What happened?” Raising an eyebrow as they entered the library. Winston pulled the chord after them and started getting to work. “Cool, so all of the lights are going to run through here, we just gotta set everything up and then test the lights to see which ones explode when we turn them on.” They were only slightly joking unfortunately.

“Between you and this really nice rich woman on Harris Island, you’re both going to compliment me to death.” Orion laughed, glancing back at Winston and smiling to let them know that despite the awkwardness, Orion did appreciate them and the compliments they shared. Orion may not be used to compliments or getting credit for many things, but with the friends he was finally starting to make, he would have to get used to it. Winston had questions about the Scribes, understandably, and Orion was happy to help however he was able to. Not that he was the leading expert on Scribes in this town, but considering nobody else had ever shown up at this place to reclaim it… he kinda was the leading expert on Scribes. “Exactly. They were… observing. That was what they did. They watched the world around them and recorded the weird things that they saw. So that it wasn’t lost.” He enjoyed that others seemed to be interested in learning about the Scribes as well “I don’t know what happened to this one specifically. Or why nobody has been back. But from what my uncle told me most of the chapters all over the world shut down. I don’t think it was like.. An overnight fall, but I have some theories.” He trailed off as Winston began working on the wiring and Orion thought about his theories. “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not” Orion laughed nervously, “But uh it’s fine. If it does. I can get more lightbulbs.”

Raising an eyebrow, Winston smiled. “Do you mean Evelyn?” they asked curiously, they’d run into each other and Winston was pretty sure they’d accidentally used magic in front of her. “Ok so they were academics of supernatural history then,” that made sense and Winston could immediately see the arguments for and against impartiality, “I guess that something must’ve happened that was really bad, but you know, I always love hearing a good conspiracy theory, even if they’re somewhat far fetched. But I don’t know anything about this and the more information I can gather on it the better you know. Maybe it’ll help in trying to get this place back to its former glory. “Unfortunately I’m only joking a little bit, I don’t know how old these bulbs are and how good condition they are in, it’s possible that the filament could just go as soon as we run any amount of current through them,” they stepped into the library and pointed at a large box, “but don’t worry, I’ve come prepared with fresh lightbulbs so that we can replace any that go.” They set to work, beginning to plug everything in and setting everything up. “Can you make sure these wires don’t get caught on anything?” they said, pointing to the trail leading out the door.

Orion looked at Winston curiously, “Uh yeah- you know her?” He shouldn’t have been surprised. Didn’t everyone in this town know each other? “Right, right. Small town. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore.” Orion had to admit this his theories were a little boring compared to the conspiracy theories that some had probably come up with. Orion knew what would drive him away from an organization like this if he had been a member. “It’s hard to theorize, honestly. Mostly because they just sorta… disappeared from town. But the scribe had always been about neutrality. Their job was strictly to observe and record. Scribes were supposed to be impartial to both sides and never be biased. I think that was hard for a lot of people. Plus, I’m sure some people just didn’t follow it- which must have led to some disagreements.” Orion shrugged again. He didn’t like theorizing without some sort of basis. The last thing he wanted was someone taking his words for fact. “I think there were issues long before it fell. And then something happened to some of the chapters around the world. Once a couple fell it wouldn’t be hard to picture the rest fading out with them. Clearly this place was never destroyed, which is good.” Did Winston just mention getting this place back to its former glory? So.. were they considering wanting to help too? More than just fixing the lights? Orion hoped so. “That’d be great. Well, electricity is a good start. To rebuild. I can use all the help from you that you’re willing to give.” Orion felt like he was on HGTV. Orion looked at the box of lights that Winston had already come prepared with and whistled, “Wow. You are way prepared. Nice.” He turned to look at the wires that Winston pointed out and jogged over, following the trail of wires. “You got it. Count on me.”

“Not very well, we ran into each other on Harris Island and we were attacked by a flock of seagulls, it was weird.” Winston was sure that they weren’t the only one who had weird things like that happen to them, but despite that they weren’t exactly the type to really revel in it. “We both live on Harris Island, so I think it was inevitable really.” They listened carefully to Orion’s theories, they had to admit that it was difficult to know anything without having real information on it. Yet Orion’s theory made sense. “I get that, that makes a bunch of sense, plus if you’re being impartial then neither of the ‘sides’ will be happy about it, they both probably wanted something and there’s only so long that you can get away with not picking a side.” They had to admit that they were disappointed that all of this had happened. It would’ve been good to have an organisation that was dedicated to supernatural academia help them with their own magical development and learning, even if it was just providing them with resources. “So they just slowly fell apart …” that was really sad and Winston couldn’t help but wonder if maybe they had left a void that really needed to be filled. They really needed the Scribes so that they could learn more. They were desperate to learn as much as they possibly could. “You’re right though, we’ve still got this place and this place is great, look how much we can do to make this place better, we could really make something of this place dude.” Winston couldn’t help but be excited about the potential that they had here. “I was never a boyscout or anything, but I always felt like I should’ve been because I come prepared to everything.”

That was weird, but hardly the weirdest thing that Orion had heard this week. Admittedly, being attacked by something as normal as seagulls was surprisingly mundane. He remembered Winston mentioning that they lived on Harris Island. It wasn’t that big of an island, which meant that Orion and Winston probably only lived a few minutes from each other. Evelyn too, he supposed. It really was a small town. “Exactly. From how my uncle described them, they were always doomed to fail. Like I said, they were stubborn. Time’s change and I don’t know if they were willing to change with it.” But now they could. New management meant that they could make their own rules. A new and better Scribe legacy. Still seemed far fetched to Orion, if he was being honest with himself. “I have a lot of ideas. For this place I mean. Once we get power back to it.” He just hoped he could see them through to fruition. Orion followed the cord down, making sure that it remained untangled and didn’t catch on anything. It was the least he could do. Orion laughed, a deeper laugh than he had done in quite a while at Winston’s joke. “Well, I was a boy scout and I promise you’re way more prepared than we ever were. Though to be fair, I was a really bad boy scout. Like really bad. I only lasted for like a year before my parents pulled me from it.” He had hated the boy scouts anyways, so it was a blessing in disguise when they forced him to leave. “How’s it going over there?” He yelled from a few yards away, switching back and forth from staring at the wiring and looking over in Winston’s direction.

“I knew that there had to be some organisation that was trying to do something, this Supernatural world is so chaotic and messy, no one seems to know what the hell is going on and everyone is kind of just hoping that they don’t die.” Winston was honestly somewhat concerned by the lack of serious consideration for morality that people appeared to display when talking about the Supernatural. After all, the fact that Hunters so willingly hunted innocent beings was beyond concerning for Winston. “Dude that is awesome, we can look at sorting them all out. Once we’ve got power we can look at really replacing some of the stuff in that sleeping room and cleaning everything out. I think if we focus on the kitchen, the library and the sleeping room then that would be best, once those three are kind of … better then you’ve at least got somewhere to sleep, somewhere to work and somewhere to eat …” they swallowed for a moment and frowned, “can I ask you a kind of personal question?” They paused for a moment and shuffled their feet before throwing themselves back into their work once more. “I’m pretty sure we’re all ready to test the lights,” Winston said as they finished the last circuit, “whenever you’re ready, give it a go.” Waiting for Orion to flip the switch gave them time to consider what they wanted to say.

“It just makes me sad. That over 30 years has gone by where nobody was keeping track of anything. There could have been some weird, once in a lifetime events that happened that will just get… completely erased by history.” Orion answered, sadness apparent in his voice. As someone that studied and was passionate about history, he understood just how scary the idea of something being lost forever was. He couldn’t imagine all the incredible things from history that the world would never know about because the records didn’t survive or people decided not to document it. “I agree! I think the library of course is the number one priority. The sleeping room and kitchen aren’t as important but they would definitely be a bonus. Plus it’d be nice to have the space in case someone ever needed to crash here.” Just like Winston had that night. Orion wished the next time that happened he could offer a more hospitable place. He was afraid where Winston’s personal question was going. All this talk of a place to sleep and eat were implying things. “Sure, of course. Whatever you want to know.” Was he going to tell the truth? Or was Orion going to work around it again, like some sort of maze? One Winston confirmed that Orion could flip the switch, Rio happily skipped over to the outlook and put his hand on it. Moment of truth. Orio took a deep breath and flipped it on.

Nodding pensively, Winston sighed sadly. “You never know, that might not be entirely true, and there’s time for everything to come back around, even if we’ve missed a few things.” Swallowing gently, Winston wasn’t sure that they agreed. If Orion was spending as much time here as Winston suspected then it was important that it was at least habitable. “We can work it out as we go along,” Winston intended to fix this place up as much as they could. As the lights flickered on across the library, Winston was finally able to see the whole of the library and it truly looked spectacular. They had to admit that there was going to be a lot of time spent reading the books here, Winston could only imagine the information that they would be able to find on magic. Especially if they were lucky. “You said before that your family situation wasn’t the best, they’re religious or something and no offence dude but you’re always here, are you like staying here because of stuff with your family?”

Orion nodded, happy that Winston was remaining hopeful on the situation. “Thanks. I hope you’re right.” Orion shrugged, it was hard to think about what could have been with the Scribes. He knew it was a waste of time anyways. He couldn’t go back and change anything. “Maybe there’s still a Scribe in town somewhere that kept an eye on things. Kept their own records on their own time. It would have to be a hard habit to kick, right?” If they could try to find them, maybe they could try to fill that hole. But at that exact moment, everything else stopped mattering. Because the lights were on. The lights were freaking on! “Holy crap.” Orion said, staring across the place in a wonder. “I can’t believe it all worked.” Orion hadn’t heard any glass shattering at least. Though the place was big enough it could have gone unnoticed. “Maybe it has something to do with the magic surrounding this place? Kept it preserved or something.” Orion had to admit they weren’t very familiar with magic, but it certainly seemed within the realm of possibility. Nothing quite killed the mood like talking about family though. “My family… wants something from me.” He began explaining, before realizing that he wasn’t explaining it well. “They want me to be something that I can’t be. There’s too much pressure in that house.. Too many lies and..” He trailed off. Exactly how much was too much? Orion had already crossed a line, telling Winston anything. If Athena knew she would be furious. Perfect life. Perfect family. That was the schtick. “My family wouldn’t approve of me doing this. And they wouldn’t let me do this. Which is why I’m here and not there. And why they can’t know about it. As far as they know I’m studying late at the library or staying with a friend or.. Something” He wasn’t sure they actually cared about the excuses Rio came up with. “Sorry- This is amazing. All of this is amazing.” He gestured at the library and the lights surrounding it, “I don’t want to ruin it or bring the mood down.”

“If you refuse to believe that things can be any better then there’s no chance they will be,” Winston replied with a shrug, it was a motto his brother had taught him as he campaigned for change within the school. Nothing had happened of course, but the motto had stuck with Winston. “Maybe, maybe there’s someone doing all of those things, but it doesn’t matter until we find them, so for now I’m going to focus on this and make sure it is as perfect as it can be.” They smiled and shrugged. “I don’t think we’re that lucky,” they said as a few lights began flickering, “but for now this is a start, we can clean everything up as we go along, this is going to be a work in progress for a while, but this was a big and very much needed step.” Winston slipped ontop of a desk near by, it was very dusty but they weren’t exactly paying attention to that as they listened to what Orion had to say. “It sounds like you just need to move out,” Winston said before shaking their head at Orion, “don’t apologise, it isn’t your faut when I am literally the one who asked the question, would you be able to move out if there was an opportunity that you could feasibly take?” Ricky was always saying how he wanted more people around the house.

Orion nodded with Winston. Though the advice was right and Orion knew that it was a good motto to live by he found it hard to follow the teaching himself. Sometimes it all just felt hopeless. But he was trying to stay positive. And the new friendships helped. “Right. Focus on the present.” Orion agreed, shaking his head but still staring ahead at the lights. Sure, some of them were flickering. It wasn’t perfect. But it was a start. That’s all Rio could really ask for at this time. “Yeah of course. Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Orion smiled towards Winston, giving them a thumbs up and finally moving away from the light switch so that he could rejoin Winston over by the tables. He climbed onto a table of his own and looked at Winston, “Yeah, I probably do.” Rio answered absent-mindedly. Of course he knew that Winston was right. He just wasn’t sure how easy that would be. Not with his family. “Probably? I mean legally I’m an adult. My parent’s probably wouldn’t care if I left.” He might actually be right about that, “But I don’t really have a job right now. Not a real one anyways. Or a place to go. So I’ve got to figure that stuff out before I actually consider moving out.” He shrugged. That’s what the had the Scribe headquarters for anyways.

“Learning to change what you can and learning to accept what you can’t is tough,” Winston agreed with a shrug, “something that I defo still struggle with, y’know?” They swallowed and looked around them, they had really made some progress and when some of those lights inevitably went -- they were pretty sure they had just heard a pop as one exploded -- then they would replace them. This was going to be a hefty project, but Winston couldn’t go anywhere now. Not when they knew how important White Crest really was. Not when they had so much still to learn about their magic. Winston chewed on their cheek for a moment before taking a plunge. Inviting someone that they barely knew to move in with them wasn’t exactly their standard move but they really liked Orion and they wanted to give them the out that they were worried that they might need. “Why don’t you just move in with me and my roommate Ricky?” they asked nonchalantly, “we’ve got the room for you, we actually have two free rooms that you could take and we’re always looking for another gaming partner. You’ll still be close to your parents and we can carpool over here. Then you don’t have to worry about them working out that you’re working on this place and you never know, getting some distance might improve things?”

“Ditto” Orion laughed, “Obviously. It’s not my strong suit. So I’m uh- I’m working on it.” Orion heard the light. He could hear the building light up. The hissing of the light, as it became too much and finally the light shattering and glass falling onto the table and floor. It was up on the next level. Out here in the middle of nowhere, it made it easy for Orion’s hunter hearing to focus. Back in town there was always so much going on, so much noise. It drove him crazy until he finally taught himself out to filter it out. But filtering it out made it hard to focus it at all. Here? This was his safe place to let his senses have a little more freedom without repression. “It was up on the second floor.” He mentioned, absentmindedly, then corrected himself. “I mean- I think. It sounded like it came from the second floor. The light that exploded.” Orion stared at Winston for a long moment trying to process what they had just asked him. “I- what?” He asked them. He heard them of course, but couldn’t seem to fathom that they had actually just asked them to move in. “Are you? I mean- seriously?” He continued to stare at Winston, wide eyed and dazed. “I couldn’t do that. I don’t even have a job right now.”

“That’s all you can do,” Winston replied with a shrug. Though they had to admit that they found it a little odd that Orion had been able to work out where the bulb had gone so quickly. “I mean, we can only find out if we go and check,” Winston set off across the newly lit library, making their way up a tight spiral staircase that wound up and up, they climbed the metal steps one at a time until they were on the second floor, “I can’t see anything,” they admitted though that didn’t mean anything considering their eyesight was appalling, “let’s double check anyway.” And there it was, the predicted denial and refusal of their offer. “I mean, I am being serious, I would have to double check with Ricky but he wouldn’t mind and it’s not like the rent on our place is huge, Ricky pretty much owns the house and just charges for maintenance so even if you don’t have a job you’d only have to worry about covering food and stuff and we can help you out if you need it, you don’t have to say yes or no, just think about it, the offers open.”

Orion followed Winston across the library and towards the staircase to the area Orion had specified, accidentally. He knew that it was up here, evidenced by the darkness. Though technically that could just mean that bulb was burnt out rather than it was the one that had shattered. But Orion’s eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness, another hunter perk. “Well the light isn’t working over here so I’m guessing this was it.” He spotted the broken glass after a moment, but decided not to say anything about it. He wasn’t ready to have the hunter conversation. Not yet. Especially when he lived with Ricky, who Rio had his own theories about. He still couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that Winston had just invited Rio to move in with them. And despite how badly he wanted to say yes. And how badly he wanted to get away from his family, but just couldn’t see it ending well. Not with Athena. If Rio was right about Ricky, then living with him could put his life at risk, at least until he found a way to protect them. At least as far as Orion knew, Winston was human and therefore safe. “Yeah, yeah of course. And I really appreciate it. I think I’m okay? For now at least. I- uh- I’ll think about it though? Thanks again.”

As they searched for the broken bulb, Winston had to admit that they almost wished that they had a better excuse then needing glasses. As Orion led the way, Winston wondered whether there was something more to this then Orion was letting on. Thoughtfully, they played with a loose thread at the bottom of their t-shirt, before their converse crunched through a piece of broken glass with a loud crack. “I think that I just found it,” they said as they looked up into the darkness and sure enough spotted what remained of the exploded bulb, carefully they reached up and screwed it. “Listen, think about it, don’t take it if it doesn’t work for you, it’s a pressure free offer that is open ended, so, let us know if you change your mind.” Their father had talked to them about situations like this before and Winston was well aware that Orion’s situation may change. They had done their bit and that was all anyone could ask.

For some reason, nothing ever seemed pressure free to Orion. The simplest decisions in life came with way too much anxiety to ‘think’ about and stress over. Every decision he had ever made felt grueling and left him exhausted. Playing truth or dare in elementary school had nearly drove him mad. But he appreciated the offer nonetheless, and truly believed that Winston meant it as a pressure free often. “Of course. You got it. I’ll think on it.” He nodded and smiled. It was dark, but maybe there was enough light for Winston to catch the facial expression. Or maybe not. Once Orion’s eyes adjusted to darkness it was hard to tell what normal humans could and couldn’t see. “So what now? We replace the broken bulb? Head back to the circuit room? I- uh… well you’re in charge here obviously. You actually know what you’re doing.” Once Winston left, Orion’s first goal would be to vacuum the place. He couldn’t imagine how long that was going to take.

Looking around, Winston had to admit that they didn’t think that this would’ve been as easy as it had turned out to be. They weren’t sure why, but they had expected more trouble setting everything up. “Well, I think that we’ve probably done enough for today, we’ve obviously got a bunch more to get done but I don’t think there’s that much that has to be done today…. So we could get a pizza or something? To celebrate our big achievement you know?”

#p: orion #para #wickedswriting #light bulb!

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theloneliestanarchist · 5 years

Text

Sometimes you just open another tub of Ben and Jerry's and dwell in the existential dread - by Fall Out Boy

I feel like i’ve been living in a system

that pitches kids into a pit

and wishes pain upon the little ones

I feel like the only one left sane

in a world that’s gone deranged

for money fortune and fame

But what I feel is not the issue, its a symptom of a problem

that we really need to solve

and that’s what I am trying to explain across the room to all of you

there might be something we can do before the world turns blue

From all the water cause we’re melting down the poles

with the oil we keep bringing from below

and burning sending into the air like we just don't care

but we need to cause if we don’t stop soon then we’re going to end up

Livin down in those holes that we’ve created

hiding from the problem that we instigated and activated

stimulated

actions that we're taking.

Ships we’re making,

Trees we’re chopping

and the garbage we keep dropping in the sea,

This is bigger than you and me

I said you can get addicted to a lot of things

like power hungry politicians doing lines of corporate tax breaks

while they’re burning benjy’s lighting fucking cigarettes

rolled from the lies that make their party platform sound great

But really it’s quite easy getting people freaked and weepy over things that don’t exist

Keeping people guessing intense about their parties interests, while they’re struggling to make rent

Cause getting paid ain’t painless when you’re paid less then we made back in seventy six

I’m getting tired of kissing ass and sucking bosses’ dicks

I’m getting tired of the grindin’ and the hiding and surviving that taking over people’s lives

As the wealthy keep on thriving

While they throw their fancy parties all up on their private yachts

Another shelter keeps putting out cots for those who can’t afford their own homes

And we don’t have to live this way

All work and no play is making us quite dumb

Chop the workday in half to get more done

And avoid the working masses getting comfortably numb

We need to cut down these elites by putting people into power who stand for things that matter

Like closing wealth disparity tween the rich and the poor

And maybe get some clarity on what our military’s for

And maybe start with outlawing corporate lobbyists influencing our politics and stopping our democracy

Cause what’s right for the bottom line ain’t right for you and me

We can see the difference between two and three see

So when you start merging companies down to numbers dora can reach

It can seem easy

To start to be sleazy

Try hard? no one’s trying no more

Making money’s all that money’s good for

But you see its basic economics

To fix this its simple we just

Give more to the people on top

And let the rest feast from the trickle

Oh what it’s still dry down there?

Well the water we put it had to go somewhere

Oh look Jeff Bezos just filled up his pool on his private yacht

Because we’re lying to ourselves when we’re saying that it’s fair

And we’re saying it don’t matter but we really need to care

Now i think of all the time we’ve been screwed over by the man

I feel like my living quarter’s in the bottom of his can

He keeps pissing on us saying that its rain

And we keep falling for it over again

We really need to rise together as a people getting somethig done

Because the war is almost over but the battle’s just begun

Fight the power to make it stop

Dethrone the ones that sat on top

We can't overpower them but we just might

Make the it impossible to justify the cost of the fight

Sing the song that angry Frenchmen sing behind their barricades

Use our strength in numbers like we’re blasted by some gamma rays

Tear them down and feed the rotting corpses to the mangy strays

Don't give up

Don't give in

This shit ain't close to being over it is just beginning

So tie the string and lay the wire

Light the fuse and start the fire

The south is rising up again it's time for us to quench it

Were through with oppression moving on to some fresh shit

Done with differentiating everyone by skin tones

Acting reflexively like mallets to our shin bones

Chasing and displacing discrimination and racism

Hating all the places that we started at and came from

Cause history's important cause it's all so fucking dark

And if repeatings what we're good at the the future's looking stark

Cause we're standing on the shoulders of peasants and slaves

Struggling to live serving all the Lord's and maids

Duke bezos, lordship buffet, sir and lady gates,,

It's like we've set society back into the middle ages

Turn the page on immigration

Fuck the concept of a ‘nation’

We're all just fucking people and we all have fucking needs

And if we killed the 1% then those needs would be exceeded

We can shelter vaccinate clothe and fucking feed

Every goddamn person if we all just agreed

That poverty stricken people need

more attention than the motherfucking economy

#poetry #anarchism #poets on tumblr

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suckerforsaikik · 6 years

Note

Hypothetically, HYPOTHETICALLY, if someone were to write a Saiki Kusou no Psi nan crossover with assassination classroom. In your opinion, what would be the funniest, clever or most mysterious way to integrate him into class 3-E? (Assuming you've read/watched the series that is).

(this took way too long because i ended up binging the whole series for ‘research’)

Summary: Saiki tries to hide his psychic powers from the assassination classroom when he finds himself in their world.

Saiki needed to stop getting himself into these situations. He didn’t know which gods felt the need to torment him like they did, but an angry letter of complaint to their office wasn’t enough to make up for what happened.

It started as soon as he woke up. Approximately 0.0076 seconds after he got out of his bed, Saiki had noticed something wasn’t right.His limiter had fallen out during his sleep, and was now partially under the pillow. His bed and the better chunk of his room were submerged in sand, which went on for miles. Using his clairvoyance, Saiki still couldn’t see any people for a good 50 kilometres. He had found himself in the middle of the desert.

“Yare yare, I must’ve teleported.”

He then had tried teleporting to his house, but he couldn’t find it. He went through the whole neighbourhood, but his dad and mom didn’t seem to… exist? He even checked the whole country, But popping up all over Japan attracted the attention of a few parties.

And that eventually ended up with him here, With a government agent prattling on about whatever threat the world faced. After revealing his telekinesis on a surveillance camera (thankfully they never found out about his teleportation), the government of Japan had noticed him, and had immediately dragged him to a secret government bunker, talking about how they knew he had special powers. Not that he was listening. Instead, he was worrying over what had happened to everyone he know. The latest theory he had come up with was he had hopped a dimension. It only happened once before, and ended with him running from powerful espers from the 7th division of Claw. He soon realized it would take a day to get back to his normal dimension when he was trying to get back, so that was probably the minimum amount of time he’d have to spend here.

“What a cliche trope” Saiki sighed. “I’ll just have to play along, I guess”

“-the reward is 30 billion yen to kill that yellow monster. Will you do it?” The annoying side character agent, who introduced himself as Shiro, finished.

Saiki rolled his eyes. Even if he’d rather spend the day taking advantage of this universe’s coffee jelly, he knew he couldn’t escape the plot. If he tried running, he would just get dragged back into it for some stupid reason, or he’d be pulled into another, more ridiculous, story. It was the only thing that could beat him.

A nod confirmed his alliance.

“Excellent! I’ll get you prepared.” Saiki’s mind-reading abilities told him Shiro wasn’t the most mentally stable, but he figured he’d have a few episodes before Shiro went full crazy.

“Time to get you enrolled in the assassination classroom.”

—

(Somewhere in a sketchy government facility)

A bloodstained report smacked onto the desk of the prime minister.

“We have intel.” the spy who had delivered the file spoke, with his toque shading his eyes, and you could only see his dark pupils drilling down into your head.

“What’s it aboot?” The prime minister’s eyes had seen his fair share of wars, they were dark and unbreakable like a beaver’s den. He pulled the files toward him, examining the files with the intensity of as if they were tickets to a professional hockey game.

“The Japanese have been keeping secrets from us, sir. They have been hosting a dangerous octopus creature, who says they’ll destroy the Earth next March.”

“Those bastards.” The prime minister stood up from his desk, causing his chair to scrape the floor as it moved away from him.

“When I’m done with them, I’ll show them no mercy.” He furrowed his brows. “I’d bet a toonie they thought we couldn’t help because we’re a ‘peaceful’ country. I’ll show them… when we BLOW UP THAT MONSTER OURSELVES!!”

“How do you plan to accomplish that, sir?”

“Heat seeking missiles. We aim it right at the students so that damn octopus can’t escape, then we bomb the whole thing with anti-teacher pellets.”

“Sorry for doubting your plan, sir.”

“Sorry for making you doubt my plan.”

“Sorry.”

—

“I hear we’re getting another student transfer, Kayano!” Nagisa stopped to chat with his fellow student on the way to their mountain school.

“Do you think they’ll be normal this time?” Kayana said.

“Doubtful” Itona appeared. “The only transfer students we have are freaks. I had tentacles, Ritsu’s an assassination machine, and Karma has too many problems to be ‘normal’.” he listed the transfer students’ ‘quirks’ on his fingers.

“You might want to stop insulting me,” behind Itona, Karma stood. He smirked, then said “But I wouldn’t disagree.”

Everyone made their way to class, where KoroSensei was waiting.

“Hello class.” He tittered. “ The new transfer student comes today, and he has ALREADY challenged me to a fight, so we’re moving quite fast. Ooh, telekinesis? How intriguing!”

After staring at the note intently, KoroSensei held it up, showing japanese kanas spelling out the time and place for meeting, along with the students known powers.

“Now please be patient, everyone. The student should arrive right–”

The door to the classroom blew open. Shiro stepped into the scene, with Saiki a few seconds behind him, yet already regretting it.

“Hi.” Saiki said.

Stepping into the classroom, The minds of the students told Saiki about the previous fights of different rivals of Korosensei. All of them had failed, obviously. They tried to kill him, got beaten badly, then learned the value of friendship and working together. It seemed that was what was expected of him as a transfer. Saiki could at least help speed the process up.

‘Alright,’ he thought, ‘ I guess I have to do it.’

He held up his hands in surrender.

“Oh no. You are too strong, I can see it now. There is no way I can beat you. I’m so sorry, Shiro, I guess I’m giving up.” He walked off to the empty seat in the corner of the classroom, right next to a window. He smirked. A few more hours and he’d be out of this classroom .

“W-What?!” Shiro sputtered, stepping closer to Saiki with an intent to murder, “You’re supposed to fight. Get up and KILL HIM!!” he reached to grab Saiki’s shoulder’s before Korosensei’s tentacles pulled him away.

“You’re not allowed to hurt any of my students, Shiro.” Korosensei said, smiling. “Please excuse yourself from this classroom.”

Shiro left, albeit slowly. Saiki’s recently created plan was going well.

As Korosensei started the lesson, a student with flashy red hair (‘Karma Akabane’ Saiki noticed) leaned over to talk to him from the other desk.

“So, I heard you had telekinesis.” Karma face was two inches from Saiki. Saiki couldn’t really deny his powers here. He nodded.

“Interesting!” His face was now just an inch away. “Can I have an example?”

Yare yare. Saiki waved his hands, and a spoon flew into his hand from a nearby lunchbox. Letting go of it so it could float on its own, the metal spoon bent before Karma’s widening eyes. He let out a gasp, making everyone turn to see the spoon that was levitating thanks to a certain psychic’s powers. Now he had an audience.

“Wow! I guess it’s true. How much power do you have? Can you lift a car? A train? Could you fix the moon?”

“Why would I need to-” Shoot. That was close to revealing himself as an outsider. His telepathy showed him the broken crescent moon that all the class was thinking about. Could he fix it? He would have to take out his limiter and turn it back seven years, though it wouldn’t be hard theoretically. But if he said yes, that would mean they would ask him to fix it. It also wouldn’t make sense to how he could fix a whole moon and not defeat a yellow octopus man. Lying was the better option here. “I mean, no, Nothing bigger than spoons.”

“Um, okay.” The whole class was staring at him now. He could tell they were suspicious. He just had to switch the subject, and then they would forget.

“So what are those weird pink balls on your head?”

Shoot. He had forgotten to telepathically suggest they were hairpins. Being the center of attention was too dangerous.

“They’re my hairpins.” Everyone seemed to accept that, thank the gods.

“Wow! Can I pull them out and see them?” one classmate reached for his head.

“No.”

Yare yare. He might not survive today.

—

As Saiki was being tortured by the students of 3-E, Korosensei was sitting read The Great Gatsby. Even when he was thoroughly enjoying his book, his nose caught the faint smell of chemicals. Normally this wouldn’t be the biggest issue, but the chemicals were a fuel-oxidizer mixture, they were up in the air, and they were coming closer at a rate too fast to be a plane. Missiles, then. He could smell out the steam of infrared electricity, so they were heat-seeking missiles, specifically. Why would anyone send heat-seeking missiles to him? He didn’t produce that much heat, so the missile would more likely go to actual people like-

The children.

They were aiming for the schoolchildren, to keep him here. Korosensei couldn’t smell it now, but he bet there was also an anti-sensei missile searing through the sky towards him.

How could he solve this? He needed to stop the missiles, firstly. Should he tell the students? No, that would only worry them about problem with an obvious solution.

He flew off from his desk in the classroom. At Mach 20, disabling the missiles would be easier than stopping them physically with his lack of strength. Then he would have to bury them in the ocean, or maybe space. Speeding up to the closest missile, he noticed a Canadian flag design on its side.

“Canada, hmm? It’s always the quiet ones.”

He tried to open up the hatch to the missiles wires, but his tentacles burst as he touched the metal plating.

“Anti-sensei plating.” that made it harder. He could go back and grab his napkin to hold it, but he couldn’t navigate the wire system accurately with such a huge handicap. The only option was to evacuate the students and hopefully get out of the missiles range.

He flew back to the classroom, where a certain psychic was sitting.

Of course, Saiki knew about the missiles. With a quick check using clairvoyance, he counted 3 in total. Heading straight for them at about Mach 15. There was enough explosives to decimate the whole mountain. Korosensei may try and save all his students, but there were only 20 seconds left. He wouldn’t make it.

Korosensei quickly shoved his students out the door of the classroom. He talked quickly as he persuaded them out of the building, but he was too agitated to fully explain the situation. Now there were 15 seconds. The missiles could be seen before Saiki and rest of the students were all outdoors. Everyone immediately realized what KoroSensei had been trying to do, and started to sprint, but no one here was fast enough to escape except Korosensei, and he would not abandon his students. 10 seconds. They seemed to realize the couldn’t outrun their death, so they just stood, motionless, wondering what would happen next. Less than 5 seconds left.

—

Saiki knew he had to do it. They would question it, and ask him why he hadn’t used his powers. But even if he hated confrontation, and talking, and socializing, that wouldn’t matter if they were dead. His rule of not interfering would be broken, but he could make an exception. No matter what excuse he made to himself, he knew he wouldn’t run away.

Two seconds left.

Saiki calmly stepped forwards to the missiles, putting himself in front of all his classmates. His hands stretched out before him. Like they were frozen in time, all three missiles slowed to a stop, five feet away from the students they were to kill.

But that was only a temporary solution. Taking out his limiter, Saiki set the missiles to seven years in the past. Plates of metal materialized to take their place, and fell to the grass. The clattered onto the ground unceremoniously

No one spoke.

“Wow.” Karma was the first to break the silence, “One question. How?”

“I’m uh… not from around here.” Saiki fiddled with his hands too much to be normal. He’d rather get hit by a missile than be asked awkward questions in front of a crowd.

“You’re American??!”

“No, that’s-” Why was everyone so stupid? “A bit farther than that.”

“You’re an alien!!”

“No…(Yare yare) well, close enough.”

“So why?” Nagisa asked. He seemed to have completely recovered from the shock of certain death, and now stood in his usual pose. Not cocky or reserved, but unfazed.

“Why what?”

“Why would you lie?”

“Because then you’d ask me to kill KoroSensei,” This much talking and honesty was getting uncomfortable. He might end up teleporting away from his problems.

“You can?”

Korosensei had gotten over the attempted bombing of his students and his regular smile was now imprinted on his face. “Now now, class, I’m sure he wouldn’t be able to,” he coughed. “So you aren’t remaining to study with our class?”

“No, I have 20 hours left in this universe”

“So you’re staying with us until then.”

“I was going to go and grab some coffee jelly from-”

“Great! We can teach you some assassination moves!”

They started to forcefully drag Saiki up the mountain, back into the classroom.

“So Saiki,” Karma said, in a cheery tone, “Can you fix the moon?”

“Yes, I’m powerful enough to.”

“Will you fix it, please?”

“No.”

#Anonymous #saiki kusuo no psi nan #the disastrous life of saiki k.#assassination classroom #ansatsu kyoushitsu #saiki kusou #saiki k #saiki kusuo no ψ nan #saiki kusuo no sai nan #karma akabane #korosensei #nagisa shiota #saikers art

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kootenaygoon · 5 years

Photo

So,

My new therapist looked a little bit like Margaret Atwood.

She was an older woman with an exhausted smile, recovering from a recent surgery. A few light grey hairs were beginning to alight on her otherwise black curls. I’d finally gotten around to signing up for counselling through Black Press’ mental health program, and now I was sitting in her office, which happened to be within sight of the Star building. It seemed like Nelson was getting smaller and smaller each year, like I was running out of people I didn’t already know somehow.

“You know, I took some pictures of the ferry the other day. It got stuck on shore, beached like a whale, and it delayed everyone for about an hour. I’m pretty sure it’s happened more than once now,” she said.

“I should send you the pictures. I bet that would make an interesting story for the paper. What do you think?”

I gave her a weak smile, and waited for things to start. Instead she launched into some complaints about the parking issues caused by the Stores to Shores project, and apologized repeatedly for the inconvenience, even though I’d walked over during my lunch break. She couldn’t believe the decision-making going on at city hall, that they could greenlight something this disruptive, and she shook her head as the noisy paving work continued below her window. Finally she sat down and pulled out a small spiral notepad. I already felt like this wasn’t working, like she couldn’t be my Dr. Melfi, but I sat there obediently anyway, taking her through my litany of complaints one by one.

“I feel like I got really cocky while I was in university, when things were going so well, and I really believed I’d successfully solved the puzzle of my depression. I felt like I was never going to be depressed again and I just drowned myself in my social life, and writing and traveling and everything else,” I said.

“But now with Paisley and the dogs, settling into just like a normal, routine life, I guess I’m not really handling that transition really well. I mean, we’re both terrible with money and we don’t really have a social life here or a proper support network and we’re fighting a lot. I’m one of eight kids, you know? So being isolated like this isn’t normal for me.”

“One of eight? And where are you in the pecking order?”

“I’m the oldest.”

She smiled warmly. “Of course you are.”

After we covered my depression history, and my meds, we starting talking about geography. I was very much committed to making Nelson my home, the same way I was steadfastly committed to Paisley, but it was seeming more and more unsustainable everyday. We had published multiple stories about the affordable housing crisis at the Star while meanwhile we were barely making rent and wondering if we should downgrade to a smaller place. Maybe a one-bedroom. This was a town for wealthy retirees, black market cannabis growers and entrepreneurs willing to risk huge amounts of capital. If I wasn’t working as a reporter, I couldn’t see any other legitimate opportunities beyond lifeguarding or delivering pizza. This whole newspaper experience was a dream turned into reality, but I couldn’t make the numbers add up.

“So why don’t you go somewhere else?”

“Like where?”

“Somewhere new?”

I sighed. “That’s been my solution in the past. I never let myself get established, I’m always bouncing off to Whitehorse or Nova Scotia or wherever and I’m jettisoning friends like crazy and I think that’s part of the problem why I’m so lonely and fucked up. This is supposed to be our refuge, our home, the place where we can finally settle down and just live.”

“And you’re questioning that?”

“I don’t know. Maybe, yeah.”

That night I fell asleep in front of the TV drunk, partway through an episode of The Wire. I’d been re-watching from the start, fixating particularly on Omar’s storyline. He was a gay street robber who wielded a shotgun and was willing to give false testimony to implicate a drug trafficker. The scene where he faces off with the opposing lawyer in court was my favourite. I loved how Omar was unapologetically himself, existing outside the law, but still lived by a very specific moral code. President Obama called Omar his favourite character, despite his lawless ways. For me, it was a hetero man crush in full bloom, but it still didn’t touch what I felt for the show’s creator David Simon. In creating characters like Omar, and depicting Baltimore with such raw honesty, he’d deeply impacted my worldview. I wanted nothing more than to tell stories like him, to touch lives like him, to tell the truth in ways it’s not normally told.

When I blinked open my eyes, I was standing on the sidewalk across from the Nelson Courthouse. I squinted into the afternoon sunlight, lifting one hand to shade my face. A police siren squawked beside me, and I jumped, watching as Nate Holt climbed from his cruiser and reached for his sidearm. He was gesturing to his partner, pointing in the direction of the credit union. Inside I could see a dark figure darting past the windows. Andrew Stevenson. I reached down for my camera, but it wasn’t there.

“You don’t need your camera, Will. You just need to watch,” Cass said, appearing beside me. “When the time comes, you’ll remember what you need to remember.”

I turned to her. “But I need a picture for the Star.”

“Some stories aren’t for the newspaper. You have to think bigger than that.”

Behind her Andrew Stevenson came banging out of the bank’s side-door, directly below a blue-faced man with loonies for eyes. The barrel of his shotgun was sticking upright out of his backpack, wagging like a chastising finger as he jumped on to his bike and pedalled frantically down hill. I looked over at Nate, who was clambering back into his car, while Paul Burkart appeared at an absolute sprint, pounding across the pavement and hurtling after the bank robber at full tilt.

Shit, I thought. Paul can run.

Suddenly I was in Cass’ passenger seat as she rumbled out towards the highway in a jacked up truck. She was the one who had made all of this possible, the one who had lured me to the Kootenays. Everything I’d done, everything I’d experienced, she’d already been there and done that. I could tell she missed it, the rush of journalism, and she still haunted my email inbox to talk about potential stories and remind me of upcoming events. Like a reformed junkie still craving a whiff. As she drove, the landscape rushing by behind her began to take flame. Raging fires swept across my viewscape as the sky darkened. This was starting to feel like a real emergency.

“I already covered this story.”

Cass laughed. “You think just because you cover one forest fire, then that’s it? What difference does that make? What’s the point of that?”

“People need to feel safe.”

“But it’s the people themselves that are causing the fires with climate disruption, just like Naomi Klein said. We need to be thinking about our complicity, Will. It’s not enough to tell people something happened, you have to tell them why it happened.”

“Why does anything happen, though? I don’t believe in God anymore.”

“And I never believed in God. You know that.”

When we were in university, Cass was notorious for being uncooperative and combative both with her subjects and the other staff at the Martlet. She was absurdly blunt but hyper-perceptive, so she was good at offending people and telling the truth. She was one of my first journalism role models, and I wanted to be more like her. I wanted to be fearless in blurting out uncomfortable questions and then exploring them with my prose, purposely crossing lines and challenging taboos. Like a journalist version of Omar.

Cass batted her blinker and turned left off the highway, leading us down a winding hill towards the Columbia River. Ahead of her I could see RCMP cars blockading the bridge. The fires cast black silhouettes across the concrete as the cops waited for the next moment to happen. Cass parked on a switch-back overlooking the bridge, leaning over to share in my view. Then she sat back and lit a joint, the glow bathing her face for a moment. I remembered that short time, years ago, when we were a thing. It had been a poor idea and hadn’t ended well, but I didn’t regret it.

“I thought you didn’t smoke pot.”

She took a long drag, then exhaled luxuriously. The smoke lingered around the truck’s cabin, enveloping me. “This is your dream. You want some?”

I took the joint. I watched it smoulder for a moment. “Sometimes this is how I feel, you know? Like my life’s on fire and everyone’s all calm about it. Nobody knows, nobody can see.”

“That’s melodramatic.”

I shrugged. “I’m a melodramatic dude.”

The Kootenay Goon

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xocdarb-blog · 6 years

Text

6 month: Post 59

DEVELOPMENT BLOG

POST MORTEM

My 6-month, game project is just about coming to and an end and it is bitter sweet. Therefore I'm about to do a game post mortem. This post is going to be a lot longer than normal. This post mortem will follow the 5-5 method e.g. what were the 5 failures and 5 successes of my game development cycle. First of all, let me say that these 6 months have gone in the blink of an eye for me and yet somehow, for the most part, I usually felt in control. The game was created to run on P.C and is a 3D constructivist take on a gravity golf puzzler called ‘Swing’. This platform was chosen because it is an open and free platform to develop for, it has a wide user base and the fact that it is a P.C game means that I didn’t need to manage memory and or project size. Meaning this made the platform suitable for my first solo game. Before we start I do want to talk about a few things that I've learned.

LESSONS

DEVELOPING A GAME BY YOURSELF IS LONELY

Developing a game alone can make you feel isolated and lonely for many reasons. The biggest being that when you have a problem no one is going to solve the problem but you. When you work in a team however, you have the luxury of coming in after a day of banging your head against a problem and someone else has fixed it (This is a rare occurrence). Next, you can miss the comradery of working in a team. Sure, it's great to be able to make a decision at the drop of a hat and not have to justify your position to anyone, but most of the time debate can lead to a better idea then you started with. This is why in my opinion developing a game alone robs a student of learning. When working in a team you learn because you argue and grow your perspective. Working alone did make me learn something, the importance of time management because I had no team I had to stick to a task no matter what. Lastly, if you want to work alone, learn one thing quick "Don’t be afraid to Kill your darling's" this can mean a few things I'm sure but in this context what I mean is sometimes you need to get rid of some of your favourite ideas if they are not working, don’t be precious. Often this is can be because of ideas not being very good but because we see things through rose-tinted glasses we think they are amazing.

IF YOU CAN’T FIX A PROBLEM AFTER A WHILE, JUST CHANGE WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND THEN COME BACK TO IT

I learned over the course of my game development of "Swing" that if you have a problem. Research it, gather information and then take your best crack at the problem. After this has been done a few times when you are exhausted for options and or solutions, rather than ramming your head against a wall for hours, just do another task specifically a short one that can be done quickly. This does two things for the developer one it triggers a feeling of victory in the developer this can alleviate any feelings of stress or depression that the developer may be feeling. Secondly, it can jog the developer's mind. It may sound silly but sometimes when you figure out the answer to one problem your brain just works on figuring out the solution to another problem in the background without you really thinking about it.

DEVELOPING ALONE REALLY HELPS YOU TO FIGURE OUT WHAT SPECIALTY YOU REALLY WANT TO DO

This one is really simple if you decide to develop a game alone you are either going to

A) have one job that you enjoyed much more than you did the others.

B) you may discover that having the lack of a specific job can be really disheartening and remove some of your enjoyment from the development of the game. This can tell you a lot about what you enjoy but also why you enjoy it.

DOING A DEVELOPMENT BLOG IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT KEEPS YOU ON TRACK BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT HELPS YOU TO VENT VARIOUS FRUSTRATIONS YOU MAY HAVE ALONG THE WAY

The creation of a development blog and keeping it up to date is more important than you know. At the beginning of the development cycle, a dev blog can seem like a pain and even a waste of time. However, you are wrong, throughout this process I have learned the importance of keeping in line, on track and most importantly accountable. It is so important especially when you're working alone to have a diary that you have to write in every day what you did and why. This technique will be especially effective if you have a mindset of not wanting to disappoint yourself, your superiors or your audience and this will aid you in your quest to making a game. Having a dev blog teaches you how to vent your 'work-place' grievances in a safe environment. If you feel as though someone is bullying you then you have a place you can discuss it and this lets you think. It can also be very helpful to express your technical or design problems to the aether. This is similar in technique to talking to a rubber duck, where you explain your problem to a rubber duck and as you explain it, you figure out the solution. In future, I will try to always keep a dev blog and a physically written production planner simply because it helps me to formulate my thoughts, feelings, ideas and processes at either end of the day when I use my Dev blog or at the beginning of the day I use my production planner.

https://xocdarb.tumblr.com/

FAILURES

1) Planning an assignment six months before you start it is a waste of time.

2) Re-name and organize/ delete things early.

3) Don’t be afraid 'Kill your darlings'

4) Go slow and you will only have to do something once.

5) Don't be afraid to redo something that works.

This is the part of my post mortem that I have to be blunt with myself about my game. The game is 'Fine' and I mean that in both a positive and negative manner. In this paragraph, I will discuss the negative connotations of that statement. When I say this game is fine what I mean is I don't feel it is anything special. I think that it is a fun one-button game that is worth people's time but not their money. This game is in part an art piece it’s a living breathing gallery.

The mechanics of this game are fun but rather simplistic for the simple reason that when I found something that worked I had a tendency to either alter it a small amount or nothing at all. Before I started this project I had planned my assignment down to the wire and then about half a month into the assignment I changed the game and assignments entire focus this proved my prior planning to be a waste of time and resources.

Part way through this assignment I was told by someone that I should delete all of my unnecessary files. I deleted a few over the course of the project and at the end of the assignment, overall though I was so scared of breaking something that I didn't want to delete anything. This makes my game file bigger than it has to be and is more of an irritant than an issue.

The 'Not being afraid to Kill my darlings' issue. I was far too attached to integrating voice recognition into my game for far too long. I should have heard the critique that people were giving me internalized it and then gotten rid of the game's dependency on voice recognition immediately, instead, it took me weeks to come to this milestone. This process did teach me how to cut things that don't work without mercy, which is what I did for the rest of the game's development.

Another big issue for my game was that I rushed things that can't be rushed. For example, the art style that I ended up using for this game was 'Russian Constructivism' this is an art style that requires every angle and colour to be considered. With this in mind at the beginning of my process, I did not do that I just drew something that looked cool and modelled it. I didn't consider how the angles on the inside would affect the bouncing ball. Doing this I made level after level unplayable and worse yet not at all engaging or fun. I did this over and over again until I finally learned, I took my time and I planned the balls angles of bouncing and then after that, I planned the art intentionally around it. This process took longer, every level at the beginning of my project took almost half a week but as I learned I sped up and now it takes a day to make a level.

I would say that my last big failure on this assignment was being afraid to change something that works. This could have many reasons; confidence or skill it doesn’t matter. I am an aspiring junior rigger, I can code and I can model / texture. This being said my coding, modelling and texturing ability is limited. This had an interesting result on my game which is once I made something that worked, regardless of how much time I had to do the task. I didn’t want to re-do the task mainly out of fear that I would break it and not be able to replicate the result. I think this lead to a lot of mechanics, models, and scripts being ‘Fine’. This along with the ever-looming deadline of the end of our project approaching lead to a lot of my work being done up until a point and then having to move on because of time constraints.

Fear was the killer for me on this assignment. I think that my fear of taking risks, or redoing content and even standing behind some of my choices really hurt me on this assignment. With this in mind I know I grew as a person and as a creator over this process but that doesn’t mean I’m not disappointed in some respects. The disappointment doesn’t come from the game it comes from me.

At the beginning of this assignment, I was swinging for the fences, with a 3D narrative based voice recognition game and I examined it and there were massive scoping and technical issues. So I did the wise thing I made something smaller and more fun and while logically I can look at the problem and say I did the right thing. Sometimes I feel playing it safe does leave a bitter taste in my mouth, it’s like admitting to yourself that you don’t think you can achieve the alternative. In thinking about it now I should have also used Git-Kraken from when started. I started using it a month or so into the project and It saved me a lot of time and effort. Originally I was just uploading an individual file to the shared file every day but as the file became larger and larger this became unobtainable. Eventually, I did migrate over to Git-Kraken and get everything set up in the proper manner however once again it was my own fears an uncertainty of self that held me and my project back. I was worried if I didn’t know how the Git Kraken worked or if it broke how to fix the problem, so I choose not to engage with the service. Once I chose to use Git Kraken I learned new skills and could progress at a much more rapid rate.

Twitter: https://twitter.com/xocdarb

SUCCESSES

1) Planning my production schedule.

2) Keeping a considered art style the whole way through.

3) Making my level designs feel at home in the game's world.

4) Listening to/ sorting through appropriate critique.

5) Polishing my game.

Now it’s time to count the ways that I actually succeeded in this assignment. Before we begin I will note that I find it much easier to give negative critique to myself as to me it really feels like I’m gaining knowledge. Whereas when I give positive critique to myself it does feel as though it rings hollow to me. That being said, I think I planned my games development path and then executed on that development plan extremely well. I think that this is one of the single biggest factors as to why my project is in the position it is in during these last few weeks. I would say for future reference that planning out every week’s tasks (including unexpected event weeks) is imperative to an assignments success of any nature.

In the future, I would also use Trello from the beginning as it was instrumental to my success because it gave me a physical reminder to do certain tasks on certain days. In truth, I felt disappointed if a task I was working on could not be completed on time. Next, I felt that I kept a considered art style the whole way through the game, from the ‘Splash Screen’ to the game's menus and then through all of the levels. This was an amazing achievement for me. This required me to dive deep into both the constructionist and suprematism art movements visible in the early 1900’s. I had to learn the art style and then consider what every plain and angle would look and feel like to the player. One of the other big wins for me on this portion of the art was that I think I telegraphed the way that the level should be played/solved well. I used Trello to list my tasks per week in a checklist. Once the week’s tasks have been completed it is dragged into the done folder. This helped me to keep in mind what tasks I needed have done and by when. This method also helped me to keep in mind if I wanted to spend more time on a task what the immediate repercussions would be on the next task.

https://bradcox.itch.io/wobble

Over the course of this assignment, I received a lot of critiques, some of it from leading industry professionals. One of my biggest victories in this assignment I had, is that I finally learned how to control the influence these critiques had over my assignment. To clarify in the past, I have received critique from people and just assumed that their knowledge was superior to my own on the subject and enacted changes without really thinking about the repercussions on the assignment as a whole.

However, in this assignment this wasn’t the case, for example, there was a point that an industry member commented that in my game there should level splash marks on the walls the ball hits and rather wasting weeks trying to replicate the results of an off-handed comment I simply discounted the statement. I took time to internalize the critique and came to the conclusion that the real issue that the person wanted to see remedied was not the lack of paint on the screen but the lack of immediate feedback from the games stimuli. I also think that in this assignment I was more open to critique as a whole because I knew that my process was to listen to what the person was saying and then decide what the true meaning behind the words was. This meant that when I heard something I thought was wrong I was more flexible and accommodating to the critique givers reactions.

The last thing that I would consider a large success in this game assignment for me is how I polished my game. I feel like that this time because I had a clear plan and end goal I was really able to push the quality of my game because of the amount of polish I was able to give it. This gave me time to fix little things meaning I felt relaxed enough that when I did receive further critique on my game I didn’t freak out and or panic that I would not have enough time to fix my issues. Having said that I think one of my biggest successes/ personal growth moments of this project was realising that I label things ‘Good Enough’ and then leaving tasks at that level. This has been a big problem for me in everything from my game design to my Rigging and I do think that now that I have acknowledged this fact I am taking the right next steps to furthering my career and my skill set.

TRENDS

This graph is a measure of the overall engagement of my game over the last month. My return/ replay factor including playtesters sits at about 7 active users. My active users return rate is currently at about 0.67% - 0.14%. This means there is a 0.67% - 0.14% chance that someone on a daily basis is downloading or visiting my games itch.io page. This is a great indicator of how fun my game is. Unfortunately, the trends shown below appear to display spikes in the engagement that happen to coincide with my games significant playtest and or critique opportunities. This graph shows positive expectations for my game upon release.

The graph below represents the number of active players that I have at any one time. The blue line is the number of unique players that I received by the game in the last 30 days, the green line is the total amount of active users I have per day and finally, the purple line is the number of first-time users for my game. This constraint (Even if it is ever so slow) trend of increase in the blue line makes me feel confident that my required audience is being engaged correctly.

https://bradcox.itch.io/wobble

CONCLUSIONS

MOVING FORWARD

Moving forward is always a difficult part because a lot of the time you learn an important lesson and then you forget it for the first few weeks of your next assignment then before repeating to many of those same mistakes your brain starts working and you remember all of the solutions you learned previously. This often happens to me before any significant time is wasted. That being said, the lessons that I learned here in this assignment are varied. Some of these lessons are personal and have taught me that next time ‘fine’ isn’t good enough. Whether it is a rig, or polishing a game or a model, it is important to note that in future I need to walk away from any project knowing that I really refined my work until it is a cut above.

I think the other big thing I would do next time is to not be so scared of failure. As I’ve said there were times in this assignment where I was worried about breaking something so much that I didn’t want to redo or take time to streamline my processes.

At the time of writing this I believe that I am on the right path to fixing this issue as I solved one of my biggest issues, an error that says ‘Particle texture type read and write needs to be enabled’ by making sure I had a back-up of my project (Keeping me in a measured state of mind) and then going through a copy and deleting each group until I found the group causing the issue. Then I took the items from that group and deleted them one by one until I found the item that was causing the issue. After I found the item I kept drilling until I found the issue component. I think that this shows a mindset shift about the importance of doing whatever you have to, to solve the issue even if that means to rebuild something. I hope this change in mindset is the start of my growth beyond being a junior in my field.

RELEVANT LINKS

Blogs:

https://xocdarb.tumblr.com/

Socials:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/xocdarb

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/xocdarb/

Games:

https://bradcox.itch.io/wobble

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fandomss-girl-genius · 6 years

Text

Monday-8th girl genius event week: space age AU

@girlgeniusevents my first time writing a fic so sorry if it’s no good. Zeetha and Agatha go to the moon to search for Skiffander in Outer Space.

Word count: 1,909

Warnings: none

“Hand me that wire cutter Zeetha!” Agatha called. She had been working on something big, and it was almost finninshed.

Wiring some of the last pieces together, Agatha looked up. There it was, the machine that would take her to the moon and back.

“Ah.. my lady, are you sure this will work? You have yet to produce an heir, and I will not permit the Heterodyne line to be wiped out.”

“Tch, you worry to much. Besides, I’m implanting your consciousness into the rocket, so you’ll be there with me.” The Castle had been nervous for a long time, and the only way Agatha had been able to go was to bring it with her.

“The systems should be calibrating. Do you have control?”

“Yes my lady. How ever delightful to be in a weapon of mass destruction!”

Agatha groaned. The Castle was adamant that after the test, it be launched into space so she could fry enemy towns off the map. It also wanted to be in the rocket forever, but she would make sure that didn’t happen.

“We talked about this. The rocket can’t be salvaged, but I promise I’ll make you a new, more terrifying object of annihilation. OK?”

“Of course, my lady. But still...”

“I’ll give it a death ray.”

“You do build the greatest death rays,” commented Zeetha, “but at this rate, we’re going to miss the deadline!”

“Alright Zeetha, that should be it. Hopefully we’ll be able to see Skiffander from there.” Searching for Skiffander had been the reason for the trip, which was why Zeetha was coming too. On the moon they would have a better chance at seeing if it was on Mars, due to the fact there was no atmosphere.

“I know, but I have to get to the moon before the earth passes in front of it. This is my one chance to see my family. I can’t blow it.”

“Castle, contact Gil and Tarvek, tell them I’m going. I don’t want them to worry.”

“Yes my lady. Would you like me to contact Mr. Higgs as well?”

“No!!” Zeetha practically shouted. “Err... I mean, no, that’s fine, I don’t want him to worry.” Ever since Zeetha had been badly hurt on a mission, he hadn’t wanted her out of his sight. Zeetha had to pull some strings to make him go away for a bit.

“Alright Castle, everyone’s strapped in. We can leave now.”

“Yes my lady, I’m priming the ignition sequence now.”

“5.... 4.... 3.... 2.... 1....”

The rocket had been designed to reach speeds of 29,000 kilometers an hour in order to get through the atmosphere. Even then Agatha had put failsafes into the rocket, but she knew that if anything happened, she was dead.

“My lady, there appears to be a problem. I cannot fix it, and we are very quickly approaching the thermosphere. If we cannot fix it in time we will have to remain in orbit until the problem is solved.”

Zeetha was angry. “No! Not after all of this time! We have to fix it. Castle, what is the problem?”

“While we were entering the mesosphere, a meteor appeared to crack one of the windows. The ship is quickly losing pressure, and if we go into space now, you will die.”

“I think we have bigger problems,” Agatha shouted from the other side of the ship, “Something’s happened to the wiring. The manual controls are not responding.”

“This can’t be happening! I’ve waited so long for this moment. I can’t fail now. My family is counting on me.” Zeetha began to shout. She was dangerously close to crying, and when she cried, she tended to break stuff.

“Zeetha, don’t worry. We can fix this. We have an hour before we enter the exosphere, we can fix our problems here.” Agatha tried to calm her down, but Zeetha was still unstable.

“Castle, can you identify the broken window?”

“Yes it appears to be the one to the right of Zeetha. My lady, I can help you with the control unit, one of the wires seems to have fried. I will direct you to it.”

“Good. Zeetha and I will put on the suits. See if you can keep the air pressure in the cabin stable for the moment.”

“Yes my lady.”

Zeetha sighed. She was trying to be strong, but Agatha could see right through her.

“Are you OK?” Agatha asked. Zeetha was her best friend, looking out for each other were their jobs

“I don’t know. When I first met you, I was so happy to hear that someone actually knew about Skiffander. I’ve lost hope I’d ever find it so many times, I can’t do it again. This trip meant so much to me, and I thought maybe I might actually see it.” Zeetha sniffed, and zipped up the front of her bottom layer.

“Zeetha, I promise you, no matter what, you will see Skiffander again. No matter what it takes.”

Agatha began to step into her top layer, and pulled up the strong polymer. It was of her own design, crafted to be strong and durable. It was heat resistant, and it blocked radiation. She had made it all herself, and planned to explore the bottom of a local lake with it.

“Wow,” said Zeetha, changing the subject,” these suits are great! I can’t wait to spacewalk.”

“You like them? They took days to make. I had the construct a sewing clank just to finnish them.”

“My lady, I have found the issue with the unit. The resistor that controlled the flow from the batteries to the rest of the inferstructure was destroyed.”

“Worse and worse,” muttered Zeetha,”I remember that was in the back. We’ll have to reconstruct the whole panel.”

“It’s going to be OK. Castle, change in plan. Direct Zeetha on how to replace the window while I get to work on the unit.”

“Yes my lady.”

“Zeetha, you’re going to have to keep calm. We can do this, but it will be tight. You need to follow The Castle’s instructions to the letter. One wrong move and we’re both dead. If you can’t do it, let me know. If you ever need any help, I’ll be over here.”

“I think I have it. If it’s any chance to see my home, I’ll take it.”

“Good. Castle, where are the tools?”

Zeetha day in front of the window and took a breath. She then began to get out the tools, and strapped them to the walls so they wouldn’t float away.

“OK Castle, what first?”

“Take the power ratchet and use it to remove the bolts.”

Zeetha placed it over the bolts one at a time, and soon there were none left on the window.

“Next, get out the cutting torch and use it to remove the window from the metal. If you have any issues, please tell my lady, because the torch can operate at up to 3,480 ° Celsius.”

“Thanks Castle, but I think I got this.”

Zeetha slowly removed the glass pane, cutting around the entire outside of the window, and then popped it out.

“There. What next?”

“You must do this as quickly as possible. You have not gotten rid of the nitrogen in your system, so you could get the bends. Leave the space craft with the replacement panel. You will experience lack of gravity. You may have problems moving. Take the welding torch and first weld the outside of the window. Make sure there are no gaps, and be careful.”

Zeetha took the torch and the window, and floated outside. The safety tether kept her secure, but she hated the feeling of not being able to control her body.

Slowly, she began to weld. She knew her time was limited, but if it was done sloppy, they would all die. She was halfway done. “Halfway done,” Zeetha muttered,”halfway done. Soon I will see Skiffander again.” The glass was 4 centimeters thick, and strong. She was almost there. She could feel it.

“Hey Castle, I’m done. Open the hatch so I can get back in.”

“Of course.” The hatch slid open, and Zeetha moved back into the rocket, and began welding inside too.

“Hey Agatha, i finnished up the window. How’s the control panel going?”

“Not good. This could take an hour before I’m done.”

“We don’t have an hour.” Zeetha was getting impatient. “Let me help. What’s holding you up?”

“The resistor we need,” explained Agatha,” is not on board. I had thought we packed one, but we didn’t. I’m repurposing some others right now, but I’m worried I won’t have the controls up in time. Castle, how much longer until we exit the thermosphere?”

“I am predicting around 25 minutes my lady.”

“No! Agatha, can’t we slow down?”

“Not with the manual controls down.”

Zeetha was dangerously close to crying. “No,” she said, her voice getting softer and softer. “No, no, no, no, no! We can’t give up! We were so close.”

Agatha sat on the floor of the shuttle, repurposing the resistors. “Zeetha, please don’t cry. I would never give up. This is your dream, what kind of friend would I be? We will make it to the moon before the deadline.”

“Agatha, we’ve met so many challenges, and we can’t step forward without taking to steps back. We’ve been up here, working like mad trying to survive. I’ve lost hope. Agatha, I think we should call it off. I think-“

“Yes! I did it! The resistor should work now. Castle, how is the air pressure doing now?”

“The window was patched nicely my lady.”

“Zeetha you’ve done it! We’ve done it! Quickly, help me reassemble the panel! We’re going to the moon.”

Zeetha quickly wiped her face and joined Agatha at the front. “Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me. Maybe, I’ll find a clue too Skiffander up there.”

“My lady, we have 10 minutes before the ship exits the thermosphere. We must move quickly.”

“Zeetha, hand me the wrench!”

“Give me those screws to your left!”

“I need the pink wires!”

“Good now hand me the blue ones!”

Agatha assembled the manual controls in 7 minutes, and soon she had screwed on the front and was brushing herself off.

“OK Zeetha, we’re entering the exosphere now.”

“Got it Agatha.”

The two made sure their suits were in order, and began to drive the rocket. They drove towards the moon, and began to engage landing protocols.

“Zeetha, we need to lower the feet of the lander,” Agatha shouted.

“Got it,” Zeetha called back, and began.

As they got off the lander, they set up their equiptment and began to study the moon. Agatha had created a telescope big enough to create images of stuff billions of kilometers away. She began to inspect Mars, while taking samples of the moon.

“Who knows when we’ll be here again,” Agatha said, “We should colect all we can from it.”

“Look! There! I think I found it!” Zeetha was looking at a small, green dot on Mars, most likely the only vegetation on the planet.

“You’re right Zeetha! That must be it! We found it.”

Zeetha began to cry. “I’ve finally found it. I really did it. I found my home. Maybe one day, I’ll be there again.”

“Zeetha, I promise, I will do my best to get you back,”said Agatha,”you are my teacher, and my friend.”

#girl genius event week

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