#or it could be nothing and I'm just overthinking things but I've seen a lot flimsier theories so 🤷🏾‍♀️

[fromtheseventhhell]

She was the night wolf. But only when she dreamed. (The Blind Girl, ADWD) "The hour of the wolf. The blackest part of night, when all the world's asleep." (The Kingbreaker, ADWD)

Thinking thoughts...It's the longest, darkest hour of the night, Arya is the Night Wolf + Dark Heart, it's the time when "the world's asleep" and Arya wargs into Nymeria and the leader of a giant pack of wolves while sleeping, and it's likely she'll reunite with Nymeria right before the long night...

[jaysgirlx]

Hey sweetie, I’m feeling like I need a Jason fic where reader doesn’t like to be touched but he makes her feel safe enough that she gets used to him. Would that be something you’d write? I hope you’re having a wonderful day/night 😘😘

jason wasn't exactly a touchy man himself, he'd set a lot of boundaries as he grew older but he felt different when that came to you. he had the urge to want to hold you constantly but he quickly learned you weren't fond of that. there were too many mental scars that had yet to heal.

the two of you had been sitting side by side on his couch and he slyly tried to put his arm around you. you flinched and moved away quickly, and then came the word vomit.

"i'm sorry! it's really not cause of you- It's hard for me to- i just cant- it's okay if you don't want to hang out again after this, i just- i'm sorry!"

you were panting and trying to explain yourself because this wasn't his fault, this was a boundary you probably should've said earlier but you didn't. you were scared of losing jason too quickly because of your own issues but you were an idiot for thinking he'd leave like that. he was much better than that and he showed you exactly how.

when jason first realized that you weren't yet comfortable with him touching you he tried his best to make your dates and hangouts still romantic. instead of cuddling, he'd put pillows in between the two of you and you'd lay on them almost as if you were on him.

or when you two went out for walks he learned to wear long-sleeved shirts so you could hold onto his sleeve rather than his hand. it did take time to get used to but jason didn't see it as a burden he saw it as another way for him to show his love for you.

he found you the cutest when he'd be kissing you and you didn't know where to put your hands so you'd panic and grab onto his clothes. he knew you wanted to touch him but he wanted you to feel safe enough to make that first move and you eventually did.

"i swear it's not you or anything i just not comfortable being touched yet…i've had things happen to me and i just need time to feel a bit safer"

jason understood how you felt and respected it. he'd wait years if he had to, as long as you were with him, he didn't need much more. though your comfortability came much sooner than he thought.

it started off small like when you began to slyly slip your fingers into his and hold his hand. he won't deny that he actually blushed a little especially when you kissed him on the cheek goodnight. he knew he was probably touch-starved but he didn't realize how much he was missing without your touch.

you even started cuddling him during your movie nights and laying your body on his. and it was then that jason knew you felt comfortable with him. you finally felt safe.

things moved on a bit fast after that, your very gentle make-out sessions with jason became rough and needy. you'd dig your nails into his back while deepening each kiss more. your hands are roaming his back, trying to figure out what feels good, or what feels right but jason doesn't care. that fact that you're touching him is all that matters. that fact that you're comfortable is all that matters.

did jason dream of touching you constantly? absolutely! but would he have waited centuries to do so? only for you.

jason was in love with who you were and being able to touch you had nothing to do with that. this man fell in love with your personality and the love you were willing to give him and that was all he wanted.

"m'sorry for making you wait so long jaybird" you whispered while jason lips were busy kissing and biting your neck. he left a train of hickeys, hoping you wouldn't be too mad once you'd seen them, since you were quite focused on your current conversation "i know i'm a lot of work"

"good thing i'm a hard worker sweetheart," he said, while placing a hand on his hip and gently caressing your waist with his thumb. jason had started doing this,whenever he could tell you were overthinking or maybe overwhelmed. he was good with words but he knew how to soothe you "as long as you comfortable baby, then that's all i need"

you were all jason todd needed, he’d never admit it but he could love you from afar and still be happy because you'd be his and to jason that was all that was he really wanted.

for you to happy and safe with him.

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Can a request more about Felix dominant side? I thinks he hides a lot of potential to be a Dom, he would be perfect for for a late bloomer, he seems very warm,but also controlling if he wants to

🥺

𝘍𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘹 𝘓𝘦𝘦 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘋𝘰𝘮 𝘌𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺:

I feel like my warnings are getting so repetitive but I gotta include it in every post.

I'm using astrology so nothing I say is accurate or confirmed- it's completely theoretical.

Anyway- let's go!!

Out of the members of Stray Kids- I would honestly say Felix isn't one of the best members for a late bloomer relationship BECAUSE of his overthinking tendencies with all his Virgo placements.

He might tend to think TOO hard about being such a good boyfriend and giving you the best late bloomer experience that he'll probably forget to just live in the moment.

His Aries Moon also indicates impatience and he might want to try too many things too quickly and it might get overwhelming.

One of the best traits of having a Libra Venus is they value equality in the relationship and Felix might feel like he has TOO much power in the relationship with his experience and you're lack of experience.

But to end this on a positive level, I think no matter what...Felix is going to try his absolute best to be the best ever 'first ever' boyfriend for you.

Now for his dom energy- yes while I think Felix is one of the more 'submissive' members of Stray Kids- I don't think he's 90% submissive and he's more of a balanced switch than what people realise.

This will be shorter than Ateez readings b/c I don't have Felix's Rising Sign so I can't analyse his house placements but his Aries Moon/Leo Mars are great placements to indicate he has 'dom' energy.

I feel his dominant energy would come out when he's pushed hard enough-like if he's jealous of somebody flirting with you or his masculinity feels challenged in a way.

His voice will get deeper, his eyes will darken and become more stern and his grip against you might be more tight.

'I'm not worried about you getting attention sweetie, I'm worried about the way he looks at you'.

I've seen him on-stage and when he's performing- he has a very powerful and 'manly' energy which juxtaposes against the 'fairy' concept he's confined to with group dynamics.

Both Felix Lee and Han Jisung have a Leo Mars and men with a Leo Mars typically love heated-in the moment type of sex and are visual people.

And yeah- as a dom with a Libra Mercury...you best believe he'll talk you through it.

Would watch you put mascara on in the mirror and then he'll randomly think about how pretty you'd look with his cock in your mouth and mascara running down your cheeks.

'You look so pretty as you gag on my cock sweetheart, want to paint your face and see your mouth covered in me'.

Lipstick smeared, stockings ripped, bra straps falling, buttons torn are some of the things he'd find so sexy- having a Leo Mars means he can be quite primal in the bedroom.

But it would take him a lot of teasing or jealousy to get to that unhinged level of dominance- and it would take A LOT of time (and rounds) for him to break out of it.

It's why I love Felix with black hair SAUR MUCH!!! because I think it brings out his dominant energy and doesn't confine him to 'baby subby pixie Felix' persona.

I also just want to appreciate the Taste fancam and this performance b/c I think this fit and song was the key for Felix stans to think-

Oh shit- He could be a dom.

[angelosearch]

Okay fam, how do we think Raine died? And please let me know if it's been word-of-god'ed somewhere. I don't think I've ever seen it.

I have a thought. I wouldn't even call it a theory because I have virtually no evidence to support it. It's more like... what I would find interesting.

I'm overthinking a 25-year-old videogame again...

Lil bit of a trigger warning here... Mention of some severe impacts of mental illness.

Honestly, I hate the "died in childbirth" thing. It's just... vague. Uninteresting. I don't know, kind of lazy. Okay, maybe she did die as a side effect of having Squall, but how? There's more than one way to die in childbirth.

And I am not saying dying in childbirth is unrealistic--it definitely is realistic, unfortunately--but I kind of hate how introducing a pregnant character and then killing them is always joined with the (again VERY BROAD) concept of "dying in childbirth."

Maybe it's just because I'm a Star Wars fan and Padme's death ruined me for "died in childbirth" as a suitable end for a pregnant character. I also just get annoyed in general how frequently pregnancy and childbirth in sci-fi/fantasy media is seen as something alien or bad or the end of a character. There's so many episodes where pregnancy is used as a parasitic plot point. I could go on.

And how often a mother is just killed off with "died in childbirth" off screen... It's just lazy! It's like saying a guy died because he "went off to war." Is it realistic? Sure. But specifics, backstory, please!!

But like!! These women have already done the incredible act of carrying a child, sometimes through war zones and major stressors, or, in Raine's case, while completely alone and waiting for her husband to come back from saving her adoptive daughter. If she "had" to die (at least in the eyes of the writers) immediately after Squall is born, I want her to have a death more specific to her character and more interesting overall! Also, it would be nice if she had SOME time with our little baby Squall, no matter the circumstances... Now, the way I think about Raine's death isn't exactly a nice way to die (if there is a such thing), but I think it would be enough to lock her ghost in Winhill. And, again, I think it gives her plot a realism that I want it to have.

Here is where I launch into some pretty reaching headcanons so... buckle up.

So Squall, we can all agree, exhibits signs of depression. He's able to push through it, because lots of us depressed people adapt to do that, but he definitely does. From what I know about therapy and psychology, I'd also say he has C-PTSD but that's another story.

But I'd like to propose that Squall is not just depressed, but potentially even bipolar.

Now, the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for bipolar disorder requires at least one manic episode followed by a depressive episode or hypomania. I don't believe Squall has ever experienced mania... But the thing about bipolar disorder is that a lot of times, it presents as depression until it isn't anymore. And for some individuals, that moment doesn't come until their late 20s or older. Hell, treating depression is sometimes what reveals the underlying disorder: Sometimes SSRIs trigger mania in bipolar patients.

I could see him experiencing hypomania, though. Accidentally training for 12 hours straight, racing thoughts, extreme agitation.

What we do see in the game is risk-taking behaviors, racing thoughts, anxiety, disregulated mood, feelings of worthlessness, difficulty sleeping, isolation... These are symptoms of C-PTSD, but ALSO bipolar disorder.

(which, his history of trauma makes him more vulnerable to bipolar disorder as well)

I will admit, I hc Squall this way because I see myself in him, and I was a high-functioning depressed person who had my first manic episode in my late 20s. But what I figure is, while he was probably never written to be bipolar, there's nothing in the game that completely refutes it.

ANYWAY, bipolar disorder is hereditary. It's not only hereditary, but it plays a part.

So here we go, this is the end I have in mind for Raine, and it's not a happy end, but I think it's realistic and I think it's worth representing in media. Trigger warning.

I think Raine was bipolar. We don't see enough of her in the game to know, but if Squall is (in my head) she might be too. I think she had a complicated pregnancy and that Ellone being kidnapped and Laguna leaving (reasonably) put her under a lot of stress. Any symptoms she had under control with medication/therapy/etc. probably flared. Who knows if she had her same access to resources, seeing that Laguna was gone.

I think, maybe, she suffered from postpartum psychosis. She might have had a few good days, weeks with Squall until things got bad. It would have been terrifying for her, and the people of Winhill, the delusions, the hallucinations. I can't imagine there is a doctor in Winhill that can help with that. And maybe, one of those hallucinations led her to her end.

Such a terrible death likely would have traumatized the people of Winhill, who we know cared deeply about her. Maybe they sent Ellone away so she'd never know; maybe they sent Squall away because he was too much of a reminder.

Thus ends my very sad Raine's death head canon.

My next long project may involve tackling this kind of stuff. I love writing/researching mental health!!

[theultimatekamehamehavoc]

Just a thought I wanna share but, the best thing about Byakuya's backstory for me is how much interpretation one can have. Like, there isn't much know about the Togami Inheritance system, how Byakuya won in specifics, if it was a battle of the body, mind, or some combination. Same goes with Byakuya's parents. There is like NOTHING for those guys. I know in the dubiously canon Danganronpa Togami books, his father is named as Kijo Togami, dunno if it is exclusively in those books where he's named. Not much info is on him though. Like, what does he look like? What is his main personality? How is his relationship with his son, Byakuya? Meanwhile, Byakuya's mother is a mystery too. No name, no physical description, nada. It makes sense for her in specifics though as she was probably just there to make the child before said child got shipped to a IRL battle royale. Though, it's not like that's set in stone. That's interpretable too like if she was a good mother whether it's in an interpretation where she only had her son for a small amount of time or if she was always there or hell, if she kicked the bucket and died in some shady ass well! Other things to factor in too such as the fact that Byakuya could be mixed or biracial or something due to Togami men having to have offspring with fancy women all over the globe. That's one interpretation I like a lot. Just makes sense to me. Like, sure, blond hair could be dyed, but it could also just be that European blood coursing through his veins. Or, whatever one sees. Depending on one's own interpretation, his life could be just relatively shitty with the uphill battle of becoming heir and the stress that comes with to potential abuse even, whether verbal or something else. Byakuya is already an individual with some problems after all with his mindset, general demeaner, and childhood or lack there of cus i REFUSE to consider what we know about his childhood to be a diggity dang childhood! Cus, no! That SOOOOO wasn't one. The limit with the interpretation is simply how much one wants to interpret about him like his secret in chapter 2 which never was revealed. Hell, even his list of likes and dislikes is a little vague or at least one of them that I constantly think back to like, what do you mean you like French, Byakuya?! Like, is it JUST the language? Culture? The food?!?!? Gasp Does he relate to the baguettes? Okay, I'm being a bit silly here but my point is that even his likes and dislikes can be fluid with interpretation. He likes coffee but it's open to what KIND whether it be black coffee or a Frappuccino at Starbucks with excessive amounts of whipped cream (I say this like I've actually seen a Starbucks coffee in person and have walking into an establishment). He dislikes microwaved food. Well, how far does that dislike go? Pure hatred even? Would he refuse to eat a reheated meal that he likes out of spite because it was reheated in a microwave even if he's literally about to starve to death or would he cave and eat the food? Or, does he hate the microwave ITSELF more than the food products designed for it? Then my brain loops back to the important biz! What does he find funny?! How would one hypothetically get him laughing?! Dang! Sometimes I wish there was an ACTUAL concrete answer to this though, who knows. If there was, I might not like the answer though that is delving into what-iffery. Dunno! I just overthink like this! I gotta dissect my muse! Besides, even if some of the interpreting can be annoying, even for me at times, it's not the worst thing ever. Not like he's the only character with this trait. It's just more apparent when you have some characters when you know all their family members or have actual CANON books about their backstory (Kyoko). And there are also other characters in which the vagueness is by design or just characters with vague spots like him cough cough Kokichi cough cough. Suppose it doesn't help that I am way too attached to this freaking loser T-T. Perhaps, there is some beauty to that.

[blkkizzat]

Kali...I've been overthinking again.. I know I know I do think a lot.. but I'm just thinking about my type and a lot of the jjk man are a different facet of my type. Nanami cause I think he'd treat me right. Remember my birthday and shit. Geto because I think he'd never embarrass my ass and would fuck me with all that pent up passion. Gojo cause his silly ass would make me giggle then bend me 6 ways to sunday. We having all the workouts during sex. And finally my love Sukuna...this man wouldn't disrespect me in public cause how does he look if he doesn't respect his woman. He'd never let anyone else think they could disrespect me but like in the bedroom he'd do nothing BUT disrespect me. Like respect? Idk her who's she? And I would let him because...have you seen that man. A threesome with Nanami and Sukuna would be my dream cone truuueee

Sorry pookies! I’m realizing a bunch of stuff was stuck in my posts. Tbh I hate using tumblr on my phone cause it’s always fuckin up lol.

Also yass most definitely! 😌↕️

They all serve their purpose

Nanami would definitely remember your bday, your favorite everything and have a hot meal on the table for you every night. I headcanon that this man is like a Michelin level chef.

Suguru, u rite, would never make a scene although I do think he would like to fluster you. Not as obvious and over the top as Gojo but subtle things only you two would pick up on but it would still leave you blushing.

Gojo for sure, got the jokes and yeah he’s dumb long dick is definitely rearranging guts. Haha but I only like a nerd ass version of him as him being too much a fuck boi is a no go for me cause then I have to humble him 😭.

You make a good point. I also think he wouldn’t disrespect you in public cause it be a bad reflection on him. Also he definitely treating you like a concubine when you get home 😩. Honestly he’s the one I’d imagine give you the best workout.

But nothing for my main men Toji and Choso, nonny??? What is this??? 😭😭😭

It’s okay cause they at home with me 😩💖.

[inchidentally]

can I just say that an Oscar quality I just read while I've been completely consumed by you be time, i'll be space by littleplumtree is that Oscar has excellent instincts when it comes to hope, opportunity and bravery.

whereas also in the fic, Lando has excellent instincts when it comes to fear, concern and danger.

and like. I'm just so emotional over how you fic authors manage to do this psychological analysis so casually bc that's precisely how they are irl when it comes to racing ??

bc Lando always says he is driven by the hope of achieving perfection and frets about what could go wrong or if he'll make a mistake. whereas Oscar takes the approach of knowing he'll always give the best he has and that he deals with the risk of overthinking by literally moving his mind onto other things.

and the thing is that neither of them would benefit in swapping part of their thinking with the other. Lando seeking perfection could so easily have spiraled out of the sport entirely long before F1 (and damn if this isn't similar to what Max F said made him leave) but by critically assessing and driving home errors or threats, he's improving his chances every time.

then there's Oscar who has shown such self-awareness about the role luck plays in racing and he has no ego-driven rage at other drivers* could have tanked his investment in the sport if he didn't thrive at the opportunity for daring and bravery and success. he doesn't succeed because he mentally tricks himself into belief, he succeeds because he wants nothing more than to try again and again.

like I've seen variations of that in landoscar fic and just damn, we owe a lot to people playing these guys' mentalities out into every fic situation imaginable

.

.

.

*minus Carlos who is special <3

[quack-quack-snacks]

Exactly! The acting is fine. Even for characters I hate, I didn't hate any of the actors. They did their job.. At least in my personal opinion. But I felt like I could've possibly felt differently about certain characters if a lot of the plot had more character development for some characters.

Yes. The fandom is already a smaller fandom. Why do I always have to enjoy fandoms with a smaller fanbase? That's a huge problem for me.

And it's even worse when there was fewer people, even active people, to have conversations with about that fandom. There's so many more inactive people than there is of active people in smaller fandoms. And it's a problem because I need other people to talk to about everything in the fandom. Obviously Sweet Home is one of the smaller fandoms.

Now I'm just repeating myself. So ignore that.

Maybe? I may do that. Because I wouldn't mind having conversations privately with people since I usually prefer that. And, if I ever send my messages through inbox like this, I prefer anonymous since I've never liked "revealing" myself publicly. People think I'm shy for that reason.. But I'm not shy, I just don't feel comfortable being exposed to others.

And I don't think people would appreciate the page being spammed a lot of the time, especially with messages. So that's another reason.

~

Yeah! Dark Hyunsu is his monster half. Apparently a monster persona (if you could call it that) makes you more confident, arrogant, even as prideful as the demon. While also having that childish pettiness too.

Let's not forget the demon and monster are both really prideful about their appearance. Expensive fashion, always looking at themselves in the mirror. One definitely reincarnated into the other.. That is the only explanation I have when it comes to those two characters now.

And then I kept thinking. Mosnter Hyunsu kept saying, basically, "You can't have one without the other." You have to accept him as he is, the human and monster sides. Which make me think dark and light sides.

Dark and light is yin and yang. The yin and yang symbols represents a balance in the universe, that you can't have one without the other. It's surprising that no one said that before. Because if you can accept the person's light and dark sides, you can accept them for who they are.

I went philosophical again.

I blame my abstract thinking process.

I've been overthinking too much about nothing.

~

Actually.. If you (or a character you created) was a hybrid, an infectee, neohuman, whatever you want to call it. What would your powers be?

That's a thought that I thought about before. In a fictional world, I like the idea of being a hybrid like Hyunsu; a natural human monster type rather then the neohumans like unemotional human monster hybrids.

I don't know if that made sense but that's the only way I can explain it to someone. So hopefully that makes some sense to you.

Yeah I never hate on the actors, they’re always just doing their jobs and if they play an evil character or whatever then they shouldn’t get hate for what that character did in the show (prime example is dori sakurada who plays niragi suguru in alice in borderland who is a terrible person in the show but the actor is a sweetheart in irl from what I’ve seen). I also just wish the characters could’ve been written differently for certain things.

I HATE THAT THIS FANBASE IS SO SMALL I ALWAYS GET INVOLVED WITH THE SMALL FANBASES TOO BRO ITS SO SAD 😭😭😭😭😭 I HATE IT SO MUCH OMG. none of my friends (even the ones who like read the comics and stuff - though I can understand because they know the show will be different so they don’t want to ruin their view of the webtoon) won’t watch the show and obsess over it with me. it also could just be my obsessive traits over these types of things though and how I just hyper fixate on these things and they don’t really have that but yeah. (sorry run on sentence there)

Don’t feel pressured to talk to me in my dms if you don’t want to! I completely understand if that’s not what you want to do and everything if it doesn’t make you feel comfortable. these are always the things that you want to take with a grain of salt because I still am just a random stranger on the internet. I promise I’m not a weirdo but then again… stranger on the internet. ALWAYS USE SAFE PRACTICES ON THE INTERNET!!!

that’s just something I always want to emphasize because I did not when I was a kid and I’m pretty sure I once showed myself in a sports bra as an 11 year old to possibly a grown man or something

story time on that is that I wanted to apply to be a gymnastics member of this youtube show I think or something and I was doing it over video call with this person but they didn’t show their face. Me, as an 11 year old, found nothing strange about this until my mom walked in on me doing it and scolded me and told me about internet safety and stuff. not that this is anything like that at all but still. internet safety do be crucial.

I would not mind being spammed though at all! I would love to talk about sweet home with you and everything and also possibly other fanbases that we are both a part of!!

I like the Dark Hyun-su concept along with the My Demon concept and everything! the reincarnation idea is always a fun topic for me and I love creating ideas for it. it would definitely make sense if were trying to tie the two fandoms together and everything. Dark hyun-su dies at some point or just get yoinked by god and used as a demon. the only thing Jeong Gu-won needs is the badly animated wing haha.

~

NO that totally makes sense!

For me - and I’ve actually thought about this a lot - as a monster that I think I would turn into I think it would have something to do with dragons. if I was a neohuman then maybe my appearance would just become one of a dragon (wings, scales, sharper nails maybe, etc).

I love dragons and I always have (hopefully I will get a tattoo of one soon but I don’t really have the money for that just yet, especially for the size that i want which is a pretty big tattoo).

If I had to choose what neohuman I would be it would also probably just be some sort of dragon type or whatever.

What type would you want to be anon?

Also if you’d like to stay as an anon you should give me an emoji or something so you can be my ___ anon. I’ve always wanted to be like those writers with those emoji anons and whatever 😭😭

(cuz I’m a jealous jealous jealous gurlllllll)

Anyways, have a great day!!!!!

[dearweirdme]

Not taekookers being insecure again because of some teasing between two friends. If you consider that dating, then I'm definitely dating a lot of my friends without me knowing lmao

Honestly, I like reading your asks cuz I agree with a lot of your takes on things, but it gets borderline annoying seeing taekookers and their insecure asses, either about taennie stuff or jikook.

Like, jungkook is just living his best life right now. His song gained success, and he felt the fandoms' love. That happiness shows in his vlives more often, he's grateful and wants to establish a small side of carelessness when it comes to his actions with fans so he's more confortable showing his //naked// body, bantering with his friend, flirting with army....just having fun overall. I honestly like to see it, but I know he's supportive behind the scenes of his boyfie. Like tae must be working days and nights as we speak, what jungkook can do is show support privately, which im sure he does, and that in no way means not having fun by himself.

If anything, Jikook only prove actually, day after day, that they are out of loop with each other's life. Hanging out sometimes sure, but not keeping up constantly with each other's day to day schedule, which is something you do with instinctively with your partner.

And the pic ? From what I've seen, it could just be a pic of how "bad" jimin looked at that moment, which is why he didn't want to go live with jk.

Just be happy he's happy guys, stop with the overthinking and live laugh love yourself lmao.

Hi @sissaf !

Yeah, I know. I was surprised by the amount of asks in my inbox this morning. And when I actually saw the live... I was really like: This? This is what's worrying you all? But, there's always going to be fans unsure about the whole. Most come here for reassurance, and some come here to.. make a point apparently. I don't mind explaining how I understand things, but I can see how to convinced Tkkrs... it gets tiresome. It's basically creating drama over nothing. The most weird to me is people actually announcing that they're now into Jkk... like okay... bye.. enjoy... see you back in a few when something Tkk happens probably.

I still have about twenty asks in my inbox now, and I'm expecting Jkkrs to join in at some point as well 😂. Yesterday it was Tannie... today it's Jkk apparently.

[commiemartyrshighschool]

When I was on the fence right before I took this job a seasoned older writer with a great voice said to me "you don't need a mentor, you need an editor."

The reason I was on the fence is because when I had just a couple technical questions before accepting the job offer the guy I had interviewed with and built a little rapport with responded by saying he had put in his two weeks notice, and that I should get in touch with the person taking over the role. His last day was also my first day.

That should've been ample warning.

Because not only did I not get a mentor (which as an early career journalist I'm now realizing I do in fact need!), I didn't get an editor either. After that meeting I've been in the same room as him five, maybe six times, almost always involving him either telling me a story about looking up his third grade teacher's skirt or telling me a young girl "deserved" a concussion for being at a Boy Scout camp.

And as much as I started dreading those conversations and found the handful of perfunctory zoom calls useless, I've been reduced to single line emails as a sole mode of communication. I know for a fact he will not read the second line of emails in most cases, because when he asks me for the information contained there-in and I copy and past the exact same line in reply it is the first time he has ever seen it.

If I insist on getting acknowledgement or approval of a story (he's furious when I pursue a topic without letting him know or if it changes focus away from his own bias, so I am reluctant to even lay groundwork for stories that might get canned) he'll get annoyed that I've sent so many emails.

Given how poorly we are communicating I looked into his twitter to find out a bit more about the guy, and apart from his obsession with prop comics who didn't even think their own work was that funny it's mainly his work moonlighting elsewhere that skirts conflict of interest and features shittily written op-eds espousing worse opinions, spreading anti-vax conspiracy theories, claiming that Patriot Front is a "Soros funded false flag," all leavened with a weird mixture of Anglophillia and thirsty replies to well muscled conservative men and male fetish models, on what was until recently a bluechecked account explicitly linking him to our publication

I could probably tolerate a handful of these things, particularly him telling dudes to take their shirts off, but it's crossed the line into repeated and dangerous disinformation spreading that I think reflects negatively on the publication.

He's done almost nothing to show me the ropes or teach me about the beat, in fact actively discourages me from developing a beat by rejecting any topic that's too "similar" to one recently covered at the start of the week and then assigning me coverage of something exactly the same by the end of it. When I do get introduced to anybody through him it's a persistent PR flack he's just tired of dealing with.

And you know what it's all made me paranoid. I totally AM reading too much into every email and overthinking them. But while my insane reads have turned out right on occasion the bigger issue is I'm worried I'm slowly losing my ability to interpret other people's messages.

I could kvetch about the rest of the company too, but I don't see the point. The department that makes money is the event planning portion of the business that massages local egos with awards ceremonies. I'm not sure why but people keep buying ads that go into a PDF only print newspaper as well too. A lot of that is just small biz/media bullshit, but it doesn't help that there's this nexus of dysfunction and fascism that's the majority of my dealings with my coworkers.

[thefloofabounds]

Welcome to the Rabbit Hole

I was having a lot of anxiety and doubt about how I was going to keep up with this blog. I'm great at first posts stating my hopes and dreams. Luckily the answer was right in front of me. I'm just going to write these as if I'm talking to my best friend. I love this person with the depth of my soul, mind, and heart. No one in my life has ever seen me as clearly.

They make me the best version of me I've ever been.

You should know friends that my conversations are rabbit holes. I start at one thought that makes sense and by the end we're someplace else and nothing makes sense anymore. I also go in depth on subjects that a lot of people say aren't that deep. Because I'm an overthinker and that applies to literally everything I encounter.

I am an amalgamation of trauma, mental illness, and neurodivergence in a person shaped trench coat. I love books and reading. I live for coffee and music. I fall asleep to an active fantasy world painstakingly constructed by me and largely starring Tom Ellis. That is of course when I'm not falling asleep to the countless intrusive thoughts and memories that like to yell at me about all the ways I could be better.

I'm currently being sucked into the awesomeness that is the Epic Troy Saga concept album. It was a recommended to me by my best friend and I fall in love with it more each time I listen. I'm a huge lover of mythology in general. but it all started with Greek mythology because of a book I found at the library. Books started a lot of my favorite things.

I'm starting to get the read it overs so I need to end this here and hit post before my brain makes me try and rewrite this...again. As before, if you've made it this far, you're awesome, I love you and I hope you have a great rest of your day!

[n0irb3ast]

As a shy introvert I really need to talk about how difficult it is to do things other people consider normal. No, I can't socialize, it is not that I don't want to have more friends, of course I do! But I simply can't seem to connect with people, they find me too weird.

I can't spend ten minutes without overthinking and it is so terrible now that I'm at school, because I'm not a loved one there, I'm not even ignored. I'm the shy girl who became friends with the popular, outgoing girls and now that she has seen their true colours and left is being criticized. I don't want you to love me, nor to be friends with me, I just want you to leave me alone.

And don't get me started with boys, they all think that you're stupid, even when you know that you are way smarter than them, just because you are quiet. I've seen this same boys act like normal people when they're around sociable girls, but not with me? Somehow they think it is alright to touch me without my consent, cheat on me, and treat me like shit. But when I speak up and defend myself? There is exactly where they set their limits.

I was dating this guy who would randomly touch me (In inappropiate ways, I am not talking about hugging in here, I'm talking about literally sneaking his hand under my shirt and fucking grope me) EVERYWHERE, he had this excuse with the teachers that he was shy and I was helping him so he could sit near me anddo anything he wanted with me. The teachers knew that something was going on, they knew that that amount of touching wasn't even normal, but they did nothing.

He even told me that he was going to rape me, told me that he was going to put me on all fours two days after we started dating and even told me that I had to take good care of my dog (A Maltese bichon that weights less than two kilos) because she had to spread her legs for him and give him a lot of children.

He made me cry in my birthday after spending two hours groping me in the middle of a park infront of all my friends, and that wasn't eventhe thing that hurt me the most. I had told my seven friends that I didn't want him to come to my birthday because of what he did to me and how uncomfortable he made me feel, yet only two of them tried (and failed) to prevent the others from telling him where we were. The rest of them didn't care about me, they really did not even if I was feeling like shit because of everything he had done to me, they bought snacks to eat and "spy" us while we were toguether. I felt like a monkey in a zoo, extroverts don't really care about us, they see us as a means of entertainment.

And even after he had done to me and all the times I tried to talk to him about how everything that he was doing to me affected me, he was surprised that I wanted to break up with him, sent me HUNDREDS of crying emojis and told me that no one would love me and treat me like he did, that I would regret it and that I was just a childish whore who cut her wrist for attention.

Because, yes, I make the mistake of trusting people too easily, and I told him about how I would self harm because things affected me and how I was trying to get better, and even that he used against me.

I've often had to take the role as the dumb friend to be seen, or even liked in a friendgroup, because I've been alone for so much that I dread it, I know that if people see me as dumb it is also because I proyect that opinion on others so they "like" me, or at least like laughing at me. But some of them truly believe I can't realize the what they do right in front of me, they talk trash about me as if I wasn't even there and get confused when I get mad about it.

I don't have friends, I don't have a social life, yet everyone thinks I'm fine? I swear, every single adult I have ever meet talks wonders of me, of my personality, of how my shyness makes me think before acting and that makes me special.

But I've never wanted to be special, I've never wanted to be different than the other people, and definitely being an introvert, or shy at my level isn't a gift, it is a curse.

So if you have shy friends, please treat them right, they deserve it too!

[irastayshome]

I sometimes still imagine you holding me from behind. A warm hug that gets tighter and warmer till I can't resist and turn around and tell you how much I need you. How much you mean to me. I never said that enough to you in the last few years. The daydreaming still happens, though I don't dissociate anymore when it does. I feel it all now. The pain i've caused you, the pain you've caused me, the pain we went through together, and the pain you went through alone. I also feel all that love. The immense need that you fulfilled in me, and I hope that it was the same for you. You probably don't know this, but i've been trying to live.. a little bit more for myself, and not just pretending for the boys. I've started learning BJJ, together with Ibrahim. You remember one of our first few dates? On fort canning hill, when you admitted you had tried to learn BJJ online to have something interesting to teach me on our date, though it was mostly an opportunity for us to be in such close contact. I had never heard of that sport till that point, and thought wow you know martial arts is that why you're so hunky.. Oh sayang. BJJ is good fun, though i'm sure I would be a much better learner back then, 10 yrs ago. My 34 year old body can barely get a hang of where to put which limb and my usual overthinking and poor memory has gotten much worse since you last courted me. One thing hasn't changed though. I am well aware that I'm past my prime and you have nothing to worry about, nor will I even have any space in my life to with the kids and trying to support them. But with that said.. I miss being touched by you. By a living, breathing man who loves me, and desires me. I miss being held - feeling so safe and yet so vulnerable in that desire for you. Each time I go for a class and there aren't any ladies to pair up with, my heart goes into overdrive and I can barely contain myself. I'm all suited up and obviously have no skin contact, or barely, but those visual thoughts of us enter at the most inconvenient and embarrassing moments. Sometimes I feel like I need to isolate myself because I don't trust the emotions that hit and at times pour out of me. What I would do to have one more of those moments with you. I know we'll be together again someday, but seeing as how I'm the bigger sinner amongst us two, you'd have to wait quite awhile. I've got a lot of atoning to do. I hope you've been hearing our doas, especially Ibrahim's. Idris is getting there, slowly, but steadily. For now, i'm so.. so.. tired sayang. The hole in their young hearts is still raw and bleeding, more obviously so for Ibrahim. I keep trying to find a way to plug it, but there is no use.. it is the price we pay for loving you. and the three of us have gone through so much in a bubble that only us 3 can understand.

Also to catch you up on what you missed out on...

Nyayi passed away.. it was the final week of my iddah period for you. I got the news over a text after I sent the kids to school, and I broke down in waterway point. A security guard tried consoling me, but I could not breathe because I needed you there. You weren't there. I know you had a say in sending a stranger, a nice lady, my way. She made sure I was alright before I headed off to break the news to the kids. Nyayi looked peaceful, and I was happy for her for she got the death she wanted in her room, on the bed that you and I used to sleep on too. Ibrahim insisted on watching her burial, but I hadn't anticipated how much it would have affected him. That was the start of him experiencing some severe anxieties. We're working through that now, with every conversation, hug, therapy and lots of sun and exercise.

We took Idris on his first trip overseas.. it was Australia. The place Ibrahim had doa for us to go to once you got better from your last surgery, which you didn't. You should have seen the look on his face right before he boarded the plane. He never hides any emotions and it would have warmed your heart to see how excited he was.

I went back to work. I guess this is no surprise, and you'd probably have expected me to, but it was hard. I left after 6 months, right before I was confirmed. Im back to square one now, or worse, because I can't figure this part out with the kids still needing quite a bit of attention. Send me a sign if you can somehow, because oh i am lost and frankly don't know who to talk to about it other than a paid therapist, and I know how much you'd hate that.

Ibrahim has done his sunnat, and yes he screamed afterwards and was terrified, but he soldiered on and i'm so proud of him on your behalf too.

Ibrahim is now in primary 1, and he's a class monitor! haha. Yes I had my reservations, but his teacher said he's doing so well, and not surprisingly she's astonished by the "rare level of maturity" she saw in him.

Your brother got married. Ibrahim went, but I must apologize that I just could not go. I tried, but the thought of looking your mother in the eye, and not knowing what I can or cannot say with your relatives after the drama on the day you passed is just too much. I wish I could say that Ibrahim had a good reunion with your mum too, but I guess im still glad he doesn't know what went on behind the scenes and that he still felt your brothers' love for him.

Honestly, the last few nights, or weeks, have been strangely hard. I find myself at this crossroad again to figure out what's my next step, and the only person that I can think of who can talk me through it is you. Was you.

and I finally did it. I cleaned out your closet, took out that bag of clothes from the hospital, inhaled thinking it would still smell like you. It didnt.. it smelled like moth balls. and I let it all come out of me.. the anger that you're not here anymore, the guilt that I could have done or said more to save you, the desperation of wanting nothing more than to you see you walking through that door and hold me as I cried into your superman jacket. I never wanted anything so badly as I did in that moment.

Well, that's it from me for now. Just please do me a favour..

"If you get there before I do, Don't give up on me. I'll meet you when my chores are through, I don't know how long i'll be.. But i'm not gonna let you down. Darling wait and see.. and between now and then till I see you again i'll be loving you... Love me."

Ya, u can laugh if u want. But I know you appreciate that, you closet romantic.

[werechampions]

so i've been mulling over this for a while but i Think i'm finally ready to put my thoughts into words? i hope? someone can tell me if i'm overthinking this (which is a common habit of mine) BUT I DIGRESS- van's scars. i 10000% understand why they don't on the show, for reasons of facial prosthetics are fucking annoying to work with, and it being television, but in my personal little mental playground i get to make the rules and i want to talk about van's scars not just appearance wise, but how this is an actual disability for her. so i also want to preface this by saying van has a lot of internalized ableism about this that i won't shy away from. it's a journey that needs to be unpacked imo and a part of her story that i want to make sure doesn't slip to the wayside.

OKAY SO in my head, van's scars are not as neat as they are on the show. based on the injury that we see at the end of 1x07 + this being akilah's first time doing Any kind of stitches in literally the Least Ideal of conditions (shoutout to akilah - van literally loves her so much), it doesn't make sense for van's face to be so… smooth, i guess? for lack of a better word? that wolf took a Chunk out of her face, like we were seeing her teeth. akilah is a perfect angel but even she cannot magically conjure more flesh from nothing.

as a result, the left side of her face is much more mangled than what we see on the show. again, production wise i get why so i'm not griping about that at all, i can just get very particular about #realism to an obnoxious degree so i needed this out of my brain before i combusted 😩😩🥴 the show does a good job of making them look as messy as they can, like they're jagged and uneven and very obviously not Professional. but for the sake of my canon version of van (and because i love angst), the left side of her face is a mess. the skin is not smooth in the slightest, the scar tissue is really thick and gnarled in some places. her eye kinda droops a little and she still sometimes has issues with vision in it. it's more than just Ugly Scars like it kinda feels like on the show (again i understand why and this is not a complaint). and the team did their best with what they could in the wilderness, but their best included absolutely no real expertise or supplies. i think sometimes she has a really hard fucking time pronouncing certain sounds and syllables because of the way the scar tissue pulls at her lips and she's compensating for a literal chunk missing from her cheek, and how that makes her self-esteem plummet even more, especially post rescue.

and as i've screamed about over and over across multiple platforms and to multiple people, i will never stop thinking about van's scars as a visceral permanent reminder that she can never escape from. i think about how the team has pretty much gotten used to her scars at this point and in the wilderness, van got used to her face being a non issue. she's never Not self-conscious about it but she also had genuinely internalized that she was going to die out there at some point and she has no reason to hide from these people who have seen and done more monstrous things.

and then out of fucking nowhere, they are rescued and van is shoved back into "the real world", with people who aren't used to seeing her face like this. it's like the worst fucking whiplash. people like to tell themselves that they have good masks because it makes them feel better but van will tell them they're fucking liars. she Sees every single split second of pity and disgust and grotesque interest; like a train wreck they can't look away from. every single day, every waking hour is this perpetual reminder that She Doesn't Fit anymore. but the tragic reality is that even pre-crash van never felt like she Fit anywhere either-- now she just has an outward manifestation of that meanwhile tai wants to pretend that the crash never happened but how can she do that when van is a disgusting permanent reminder of that trauma (to be fully clear: this is what van thinks of herself, not what tai thinks. clock that internalized ableism?) she believes the kindest thing she can do for tai (and to all of the survivors) is to let them go, so they can convince themselves a little bit easier that they have healed and moved on.

but van never has that option to move on. she weathers every staring child, every unsubtle point of someone's fingers, every jump of surprise from someone who doesn't expect to see her face. she keeps her hair down more often than not, and actually forces herself to learn at least a few tips so she can control the strands enough to provide the tiniest bit of cover. it doesn't really help as much as she tells herself it does, but it's something that she can at least control herself. she absorbs all of the awful assumptions that people make about her when they see her. some think she's "slow" because of the way she trips over words sometimes and they get that stupid baby voice and slow their speech down. or they think she must have done something to deserve such a "horrible fate". and van just swallows down that anger, pushing it down down down because what else can she do?

time keeps passing and van remains stuck, trying desperately to convince herself that she's Fine with her second chance. and on a very basic level, she is. it's not what she expected, but who gets everything they expect out of life? why the fuck should she be special?

and don't get me started on the rise of social media and the internet and there just being a permanent record of everything, and how that scares the CRAP out of her. everything is curated based on a very specific image and vibe and she resists as much as she can but ultimately sometimes van caves to this fake plastic world. she puts her face on apps because she's so desperately lonely sometimes and over the years Tries to tell herself that she has stopped caring about people's reactions but that's a lie. it's like a death by a thousand cuts and van is Tired.

i really don't know what my original point was, i just am spiraling a little about this. i want to dig into parts that we don't always get to see on tv for one very valid reason or another. and i have really strong feelings about this topic and disability and the ugly internalized ableist parts of ourselves that we are constantly unlearning because the world is so inherently ableist sometimes that people don't even realize it. i think about possible medical complications that could arise because of scars, or just cry at the fact that there's zero chance van has health insurance in 2021 in the US. i am just going to lay on the ground and think about van palmer for the rest of my days.

[klara-rosa]

so many things have happened in the last month or so that I don't even know how to process it all and what to think and where do I even start to think, you know?

And my days are all such a blur, I'm studying for my exam now and frantically trying to comprehend it all that it feels like the day is just a couple minutes long when in reality I sit by my desk, just studying, all. day. long.

Like I've literally been studying for 7 hours or so today. This is so huuuge on my mind that when my therapist asked me this week how I'm doing and how I've been doing and what I'm bringing to the session with me, all I could say was, "nothing, I don't habe the time to overthink at the moment".....

I DO know that my life now is really different to, like, 2 or 3 years ago because this week I went into a restaurant all by myself and ordered all by myself and even ATE there all by myself and as I was sitting there I couldn't really believe it and didn't understand what was going on because I can so vividly remember that back in 2020 or 2021 my former therapist always wanted me to go practice being in public by going to a nearby cafe by myself and I only ever was able of doing so twice and both times were horrible and I almost had a panic attack. And then this week I was sitting there and I wasn't anxious and it didn't feel like I was dying. So I am truly very proud of myself for this and it shows that sometimes I'm so caught up with everything I don't like about myself and with everything that ISN'T working yet that I forget to see how far I've come.

This week I've also seen that I do actually have people in my life that care about me and like me and even though a lot of them are my coworkers who are like 20 or 30 years older than me, it still made me really happy and caused me to pause and think about it. Like, hey, maybe you didn't trick these people into thinking you're a nice person but maybe you just are and they really do like you!!! Wild stuff!!!

Now the next few weeks are going to be tough with all this studying but if I pass on April 17th, I feel it'll finally be time for me to "start" life. I don't want my life to center around work. I want to get home and have stuff to do, hobbies to pursue, people to meet.

[micahtranslate]

Chainsaw Man Starter Rope Cast Interview: Ai Fairouz

How did you feel when you got the role of Power?

It's kind of cliché, but really really happy… because I've always loved Chainsaw Man and I thought "I just want to audition!" I was thinking, even if it's difficult, I just want to take on the challenge. But as the selection process progressed, I started feeling more like, "I'm definitely going to play Power-chan!" My manager and I worked together to create the performance and figure out "Would Power-chan talk like this?", so I was happy when the role was decided.

How did you develop your performance during recording?

It was a little hard to compare and adjust our different mental images of Power. At first, I spoke with my natural voice, but Director Nakayama wanted more of a "younger sister" feeling, so I changed to a higher voice. However, if you go too high, it comes off like you're trying to flirt, so that adjustment was challenging. Also, I asked Director Nakayama how he chose the cast, and he said, "I chose people whose voices I felt matched the nature of the characters," and that made my hesitation disappear. I realized I just needed to act natural without overthinking, and I could adjust my performance accordingly.

What scene would you like people to pay attention to in episode 2, where Power first appears?

It was also in the teaser PV, but the scene where Power jumps off the building has amazing movement. It's that movement that can only be seen in anime, so definitely pay attention! For Power's lines, it was especially fun to act out the last line, "The kill is mine! Gahahahaha!" I laughed as hard as I could. I was recording with Toya-kun, who plays Denji, and Sakata-kun, who plays Aki, and they both laughed, so I was happy. I was asked to act naturally, but she's an inhuman character, so I tried a lot of things when performing, I hope people will pay attention to that. We also paid special attention to the recording environment, like changing the microphone position for each character and line, so I'm looking forward to seeing the finished anime!

What did you think of the original Chainsaw Man manga?

I remember reading because I saw it in a bookstore and liked the illustrations, and I was shocked by the phrase "Tomato Devil" (laughs). The protagonists' life was also shocking. After reading the entire series, I really realized that this is an avant-garde work, nothing like this has been made before. The art is a combination of retro and pop, with color schemes that only Fujimoto-sensei could create, and the story is set in present-day but with a twist I've never seen before, and I thought it was very unique.

What do you think is the appeal of Power?

She has the worst personality, but you can't hate her. Also, I think what's appealing about her is that she's honest about her feelings. Usually, she says absurd things like "Let me kill people when I want to!" However, when Nyako is swallowed by Bat Devil, she openly expresses her feelings to Denji, saying "I understand your feelings." That kind of honesty is really charming.

Is there any way you personally connect with Power?

It would be bad if we could understand each other (laughs), but I think she would be me if I could say everything I wanted to say. For example, if you see a group of people walking spread out on a narrow street, you'd want them to move a little, right? I would say "excuse me," and then pass, but Power would say "Get out of the way, human!" and push through.

Do you have a message for the fans?

The anime has been made with excellent quality, it won't disappoint fans of the original work or new fans of the anime, so when you watch, please pay attention to each and every detail.

Translation notes:

Ai says 「チェンソーマン」は元々大好きな作品, which would directly translate to something like "Chainsaw Man has always been a work I love," or "Chainsaw Man has always been my favorite work," but that sounds unnatural in English, so I translated it to keep the same meaning while sounding more natural by saying "I've always loved Chainsaw Man".

Ai says という気持ちが強くなっていったんです, meaning her feeling became stronger, but I translated it to sound a bit more natural in English.

When Ai mentions Power's line in episode 2, I used the official English translation of the line instead of re-translating it from the interview.

Translated（笑） to (laughs).