#or it can be about other gay/trans ppl that’s fine too

[stonefemblues]

“pretty boy” is such a good and fun gender i’m a big fan

[tirfpikachu]

are we just crazy or are lgbt spaces getting legit deranged?????

every unusual experience of sexuality/gender is a valid part of the bootiful qweer biodiversity of the world by default, but you can't be gay/bi/trans and not want to be called the q slur or see cishets say the q slur. and you can't say that you're afab4afab or amab4amab, that's just a creepy bigoted fetish you freak. unless you're transmasc4transmasc or transfem4transfem ofc, you get a free pass. but also kinkshaming is evil and deeply harms the most marginalized. but also make sure you don't have a fetish about genitalia... if you do, it's a "preference" not an inborn trait and you really can therapize yourself into liking it, just try hard enough. if you fail to you're a bigot, so just keep trying!! make sure to feel guilty abt it at least, you dirty homo. but getting beat up can be a cool sexual thing and bestiality or noncon is fine. but actual genitalia "preferences" are bigoted. if you don't call the genderqueer person pansexual instead of bi they'll chew their own arm off and hit you with it and call the cops but don't say you're a female trans man or that you're a trans guy lesbian or link it to being a female homosexual in any way ever okay?! you can't be at peace with acknowledging your sex/agab as a trans person!!!! or feel a connection to lesbian spaces as a trans man or gay male spaces as a trans woman!!! that's BIGOTRY and that's just feeding terf cunts you dumb theyfab. you can't link your cis womanhood to being afab AT ALL either bc that's transmisogynistic and dangerous rhetoric but every other group of gender marginalized folks can define their own identities and have a billion microlabels. you can't say you're not into girldick because not all trans women have dicks dumbass, surgical vaginas are defo the exact same as bio vaginas anyway so if you only like afab pussy & afab bodies you're a gross pervert mocking bottom surgery. and someone's upbringing as a male/amab or female/afab person definitely isn't a huge part of why homosexual ppl are into the same-sex/agab so you shouldn't give a single shit if a transbian flirting with you hasn't grown up facing misogyny or going thru afab/female body struggles or any of that, that has NOTHING to do with lesbianism between female ppl and has no bearing whatsoever on attraction you absolute psychopath. sexes/agabs is just a mix of detached body parts and you can play mr potatohead with it all and if you glued it good enough homosexuals wouldn't be able to tell at all that he used to be a mrs potatohead!! so they'd still hit that, right? homosexuals will go for anything anyway right?? homosexual love obvs can't be any deeper than genitals and fetishes. amab4afab ppl can be homosexual too anyway if they pass as gay irl too so homosexual isn't even a real tangible thing anyways it doesn't involve sex/agab at all and those ppl don't get to be their own specific oppressed class and do their own activism and have agency over their own identity bc they're super privileged worldwide and the enby living as a gender conforming woman in society dating a neckbeard looking for a third is more oppressed than a visibly gnc crossdressing bio guy holding hands with his normie bf. they might be gay but they're not qweer... except to the rightwing ofc!! oh and if you're trans and recently started passing as straight you're more privileged than an afab4amab couple who has lived as hetero til they transitioned! so shut the fuck up and listen to the New Gays. don't call yourself homosexual anymore or you're a cis bootlicker and if you're transmasc you're oppressing every transfem, including ones who have never faced misogyny irl a day in their fucking life!!! just be valid the RIGHT WAY!!!!!! be more queer you dirty normie homo!!!!!!

HAHAH i love it here

[rodolfoparras]

OK imma be honest and little personal, before I knew a little bit more about the LGBT, I just didn't care I just knew they existed, now that im older and apart of it nothing changed ngl...just maybe a little rude with it. I'm like "Oh you're gay? Cool want a cookie?" Or "Oh, you think being gay is the devils or whoever you claim doing? Want a medal?". I don't mind having people like having something for them but a month? Sounds like robbery 2 me like, What about soldiers like I mean the good soldiers who actually fight for their people? I'm sorry, but if I could, I would make certain... things like these two have at least a week, but like I said, I don't mind it... I just find it... wrong in a way...like think about it...when something big happens in your life (if yall do it like me) we just celebrate it in like that first week, like what I mean is for the first few days it's all "WOOHOO THIS HAPPEND TOO YOU" then the rest of the week it's just "congrats". Like I remember a few years back, I'm not sure if it's still the same now. But soldiers die every day and stuff, and all they get is a day, and everyone like "poor soliders rest in peace" and then go on about their lives after a few bours or something . But the moment a Trans person got killed, suddenly everyone dropped everything and talked about it for weeks....trying not to sound harsh, but come on....

Sugar I think you have a lot of inner work to do

Pride month cannot be boiled down to a celebratory party of sexualities and genders

While yes a major part of pride month is to celebrate lgbtq people it’s also about remembering the journey as to how we got here, plenty of people literally laid their lives down so there could be a celebration in the first place sugar I don’t know if you know this but trans people would literally use bricks and drop it onto their genitals or their chest to get rid of those parts, a lot of trans people died of cancer and other terminal illnesses because it was considered shameful to treat an openly trans person no matter what severe condition they had it’s also to raise awareness of how lgbtq people of color made a lot of things possible for us, did you know that before colonization native people had woman man and then a third gender that didn’t fall in either category white, Christian cis people wiped that out because it was considered abnormal and now today we have a whole chunk of people who are seen as abnormal because that whole gender identity has been wiped out pride month is to also raise awareness to everyone who can’t live their lives like they want to. It’s like international women’s day just because women in Europe have it good doesn’t mean that it’s fine and dandy all around the world

The reason as to why people don’t care much for soldiers is that the only ones discussed are American ones- soldiers belonging to armys who have more or less started the war in different places. Never have I seen people discuss the 10.000 soldiers that died in the srebrenica genocide - soldiers- boys 18 year old boys 10.000 of them- that had to forcefully enlist in the army because their country was going through a genocide

And the reason as to why trans people get so much coverage once they get killed is the same reason as to why women get so much coverage when they get horrifically murdered by a man they’re oppressed, soldiers are not oppressed soldier more often than not are the oppressors.

With that being said I do hope you take time to actually do research on your history because the reason as to why you can be like “woo I’m gay ok let’s move on with my day” is because of thousands upon thousands upon thousands lgbtq ppl that made sacrifices for you those sacrifices didn’t happen that long ago

[angstics]

nonsense deadpool & wolverine rant

ive been talking about deadpool 3 for days over on twitter -- which is a lot for a movie i was meh about and will forget in 2 weeks (like i have all other deadpool films). BUT i like thinking about how gay ppl & themes are treated in popular film and this is probably going to be the biggest "gay themed" film this year ... which is sad considering this is the year of 2 luca guadagnino films and monkey man and tv glow et al. anyhow. this was a big hit in fandom -- which should not be a surprise considering the mcu and comics fandoms. the "this was sooooo gay" response has been irritating, and so has the counter-argument. the text may not be a gay text but it DOES use gay elements in its text. like Obviously so. to the point that it's hard to discern whether it's appropriation or meaningful, a homophobic joke or somewhat earnest... and why???

part of it will always be the comic characterization of deadpool as a hypersexual pansexual freak who sexually harasses men because that has been deemed highlarious. there's at least one joke recycled (about being tied up together and getting an erection), replacing spiderman in the comics with wolverine in the movie. i can easily see straight men playing these jokes with each other -- i probably have on youtube. this is what makes the "you cant deny this is gay" thing fandom people say sooooooooooooooooooo annoying -- HOMOSEXUAL encounters are not limited to people with THE GAY GENE. straight men sexually harass their friends ("friends") all the time. allllll the time. what makes someone (and a relationship) gay is intention and affection and desire and identity and cultural place -- and a billion other things. there are many movies about two men (and less about two women) who everyone sees as super gay... defiant ones (1958) comes to mind since i recently was reminded of it. heat 1995, thelma & louise 1991. dead poets society 1989 also comes to mind. but no one Serious is claiming this is the dominant (as in "common") reading or INTENDED meaning -- no one is saying these are gay characters in gay relationships. they arent like fried green tomatoes 1991 or midnight cowboy 1969 or rebel without a cause 1955, where it was verifiably gay in some way.

there's a phenomena where a character / relationship (probably) wasnt supposed to be gay, but it came off that way UNDENIABLY because they borrowed too much from gay experiences -- like scream 1992, or very commonly in terms of trans experiences: psycho 1960, silence of the lambs 1991, synecdoche new york 2008. and fraiser lol. Every movie is different and has a different way of doing things which result in different suggestions and conclusions and interpretations and impacts. Big surprise.

deadpool 3 obscures these boundaries in this new pseudo-progressive age. but it is still inaccurate to pretend it was "gay coding" -- as in they were hiding a gay story via Big Subtext and using a straight story to sell a gay movie (which i have seen suggested the use of DP's ex). i cant fucking believe we're still doing destiel conspiracies. im sure stucky had a similar reaction this deadpool ship has (and the spideypool ship), but i think it is understood that Steve Whatshisname wasnt and would never be gay (Bucky could be, he has time).

the misunderstanding comes in the blurring. it's like in the middle of a political compass. ok fine i made one

some moments obviously meant to evoke a gay spirit: bar scene, car scene, madonna scene, "introducing the boyfriend" scene, the Appreciation of the Male Body & Fighting as Fucking theme (note that DP's lesbians were just standing there in 2 scenes?)

Deadpool (and Wolverine) really are pan: an alternate Wolverine is in love w the Mythic Hercules in a comic series (and maybe Cyclops? Subtextually? Throupley?). deadpool is well known in comics, but he does off-hand talk about having non-vaginal sex (? or masturbating?) in this movie

what is romantic is defined by DP's LI: the movie cant hide behind everything being a joke when it has a guiding emotional core consisting of DP's lost (female) love, who he can express affection and attraction to in both serious and comedic contexts

No honest romantic or sexual tension: i have seen movies with subtextual / coded tension and this doesnt have it. it's no popped champagne bottle, or face caressed in blood. there is also no story. i havent mentioned this yet but this movie has a really lackluster story between dp & wolverine that doesnt allow for much interpretation even in a platonic or narrative sense

all these things are true at once, and ignoring one aspect for another doesnt make sense of the film (and characters and audience reaction) as a whole. at the end of the day............. it doesnt matter........ i only really care about being accurate and respecting film history & gay history & continuing to call for gay gay gay stories in popular film. dp3 made a lot of gay jokes that were genuinely unexpected, so it isnt LE FOU 2. but it isnt the end of the line. this was a good thread that described the split well

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

how do you as a bisexual come to terms with the fact that the trans community has literally made homophobia much worse. ppl are proudly being openly homophobic and when you dig deeper it’s actually the “queers” and transgenders who think kids can transition who they have a problem with (not all of course but a good chunk) I believe ppl who wouldn’t otherwise be homophobic are being homophobic bc of the trans community. I use to really struggle w internalized homophobia, and still do, it was only this past year where I came to terms w it and told my sister/close friends. I wish it could be just a normal thing to be gay and you’d be left alone, I believe we were on a trajectory for that. But now things have gotten worse, and thanks to the gender nonsense, openly bigoted ppl (especially religious) are being praised and promoted. All this bc of trans activism. I don’t even care anymore about what they do to themselves, but the damage they’ve done to actual gay ppl is insane and we’re already facing the backlash. I’m not sure if we’ll ever live in a world where being lgb isn’t a big deal.

Honestly? I think the benefit of pushing 40 is that I have a wider lens through which to view activism. And I feel the same way about LGB rights as I do about women’s rights.

Which is to say, every time a big gain is won, there is backlash. There are parts of society that get worse as the culture tries desperately to adjust around the new changes.

Men today are more porn sick and sexually aggressive than 20 years ago. In some ways. People are polling less positively about the LGTBQI+ but how much of that backlash is really directed at the LGB? Are polling groups even bothering to distinguish between LGB and “queer” people?

Let me tell you what life was like as a bisexual teen in 2003. Let’s go back 20 years and I can tell you the world has changed so much for the better. 20 years ago gay rights activists started really making headway towards civil rights guarantees. Suddenly middle Americans had to confront that gay people were among them and not just haunting bars and bathhouses. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such rigid gender norm adherence as I did back then. Men couldn’t wear pastels or purple or pink. Guys got called gay for having a messenger bag. There is an entire episode of “Friends” about it. Sussing out the Gays Among Us became obsessive. Emo culture was a direct response to how frantic straight people were to appear duly heterosexual. TV shows still depicted us as degenerate freaks if they depicted us at all. A few HBO shows that were soft core porn more than anything and Will and Grace was all anybody had. Shows like Xena and Buffy got away with lesbians because men said out loud that hot women kissing was fine. These were the early days of straight men having open lesbian fetishizes. We couldn’t get married. We could get fired for being gay.

For women there was no movement to normalize our natural bodies. I’d spend hours shaving myself smooth. Not wearing makeup was unheard of. Cellulite wasn’t even a word I knew let alone knew was normal. There weren’t a million online resources teaching women that vaginal discharge is normal and I grew up thinking (as did many others) that it was a private shame.

And as far as MeToo stuff? It’s easy to feel defeated in the moment but nobody was using the word ‘consent’ in my day. Men getting women drunk was a joke. Men pushing for sex was a joke. Men calling a woman that had one too many dates or boyfriends a slut was normal. Three of my male friends pinned me down on several occasions and took turns rubbing their dicks on me to completion.

The therapist I told said I “needed to work on my boundaries”. The word rape never even entered my mind. Rape was something a stranger with a knife did. It wasn’t something your best friends did to you and then laughed about. It isn’t something you submitted to because fawn and freeze are real fear responses. No one told me my friend forcing my hand down his pants was abuse because I continued to go over his house, didn’t I? No one told me about red flags or cycles of abuse.

And the older women you told rolled their eyes. What I endured was so mild compared to many other women. Men forcing themselves onto women was just normal.

I can’t tell you what it means to me to see so many young women calling it out. Refusing to stay in a bad situation. Refusing to date entirely sometimes. Women sharing red flags and advice to stay not just safe but thriving.

Don’t get me wrong- the current gender movement is regressive and dangerous. I’m not saying it’ll all work itself out. Activism is constant work but things ARE getting better. They really are, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. 💜

[stregoniconiconii]

maybe it's because i've been working on my own transfem stevie fic for ages now and so i have my own very specific headcanons, but going through the tag is truly . it's not the greatest experience. for me. there are surface level reasons for this and also far more insidious reasons.

like there is the matter of me not really shipping steddie or harringrove. this is surface level. i just don't like either of their characters and i find the fans of the ships and those characters annoying. this is life in fandom. it means that most of the time, if i want to read a fic about stevie, i must also suffer reading about eddie or billy, neither of whom i care about. again, such is life. it's fine. ship what you want.

but. but. i do not like how transfem stevie gets written a lot of the time either. whether it's in posts or fics. there's a lot of ideas ppl spout that they have not actually examined. many of which feature transphobia/transmisogyny. and i have to see them. and it sucks.

bc. like. why do so many ppl write stevie's bf du jour as gay. like this is often specified. eddie is a gay man who has just found out that his boyfriend wants to be a woman. wow how does eddie feel about that? i dont care. thats what a lot of fics are about tho. yay. eddie isn't even gay, its just a popular headcanon. altho some ppl believe in it so much they've convinced themselves there are hints of it in canon. there isn't. there are some ppl out there who do feel at odds with transfem stevie and eddie dating bc they believe so strongly in gay eddie. which is fine. eddie can be bi. or straight. i think a bi realisation is fun and i think its even more fun when the bi realisation happens in reverse to what is expected. but there are a number of works out there that still insist on eddie calling himself gay. when he has a trans wife. and i do not like that. it feels invalidating to stevie's identity as a trans woman. it's also. it's not about stevie. it's about how her boyfriend feels about his partner transitioning. most of the time.

i also do not like so many ppl feeling the need to explain why stevie and robin aren't dating in this au. like. there's a few reasons why so many of those posts rub me the wrong way. there's some that are obvious. i distinctly remember a post that posited a PANSEXUAL robin and stevie attempting to have casual sex. first off. there's zero need to specify a pansexual robin. it can just be regular old lesbian robin bc lesbians are attracted to women and. forgive me stating the obvious here but. trans women are women.

that's just one post. but there are MANY that state that robin and stevie do not and will never date bc it is "disgusting". that is often the word used. disgusting. it's meant to be funny perhaps? some joke about stevie and robin being sisters and incest is gross. okay. well they aren't sisters. personal headcanon time but i dont think they see themselves as siblings, canonverse or otherwise. i think they're just friends. and i dont like seeing all these posts saying that kissing, having sex with, or dating a trans woman is "disgusting". it upsets me. more than once ive seen robin being upset with/at?? stevie for being attractive to her and still somehow unavailable to her. bc ? she knows that she does some gross/embarrassing thing? they know each other too well? so they can obviously never date. which is. honestly it's just confusing. do you think couples dont know the other farts? that they don't know each other? but again the image invoked is that being with a trans woman would be gross or embarrassing. that's not a fun thing to hear about.

sometimes the reason given is that they've known each other too long. they spent so much time only thinking of each other as friends that it's weird to think about the other in a romantic light. okay that can happen. but again this is usually accompanied with robin being like. kinda mad at stevie for being hot as a woman. so she's attracted to her? but not bc she knows her gross habits too well. but maybe if she had met her now, and not before she transitioned, then they may have gotten together. so the fact that robin knew her as a man is putting her off dating her? wow. that has some implications. i've seen many reasons as to why stevie and robin can't date, except really the most important one: that they don't want to. they're happier just being friends. it never occurred to them to start dating each other bc they're happy with the way they're relationship is. but that rarely comes up. the fact that it would be gross comes up far more often.

you don't have to write about stevie and robin dating. or having sex. or being anything other than friends if you just want them to be friends. seeing this same idea repeated over and over again, that it would be gross for them to be together, just makes it feel like you are overcompensating. like maybe you do believe they could date and be very happy, which actually would be fine. it's a niche au and has very little to do with canon so i don't think it means that you secretly want stobin to date in canon. but honestly? the way ppl speak against stobin dating in this sort of au implies that they are still primarily thinking of canon steve. in a transfem stevie au. which i think colours the way they talk about stevie's relationships, not just with robin but also with other characters. i think they are thinking of canon steve pretending to be a trans woman. which is. well, do i need to say it?

i also can't believe i need to say this but ppl who want to ship a lesbian and a man together will just do that. they already don't care. why would they jump through those hoops of genderbending a male character when they could just write what they want to write? no one is stopping them. you can post whatever you want on ao3, for better or worse, and if you actually delved into the tag you would see that the way transfem (or even cisfem) stobin is written is very different from canon stobin. there are completely different kinks going on. it's as asinine as believing that men will dress up as women to attack women in bathrooms, imo. like. they don't need to do all that, they can just attack women in bathrooms. and they often do. that thought might be too harsh but i do believe it's the same sort of sentiment.

i think that's sort of the crux of my issue with a lot of transfem stevie content. the idea of canon steve is too forefront in her creation. she is a woman but still male enough to date a gay man and also still male enough to not date a lesbian. and it's not about her. it's not about stevie. it's upsetting. i don't like it. i think transfem stevie deserves better.

[putrid-sex-machine]

ALL ANGELS ARE TRANSGENDER

no real dni as i think theyre fucking stupid. i'm pro para, pro fic, pro wtvr tf, just not pro contact. dont follow if you think my blog might upset you. close minded ppl & fake claimers fuck off. basic boundaries: i don’t fw srs sexualization of rape (not cnc), anything relating to animals or children (pet and age play don’t count) & detrans posting by cis ppl. pls don’t take anything i rbg or post on this account as any form of approval or support for genuinely harmful kinks. i talk about unsafe ideas that are fine to fantasize about but would be unsafe irl. know the difference & take good care of yourselves & sexual partners<3

THIS iS A SiDE BLOG. i CANNOT FOLLOW BACK OR LiKE POSTS.

[iNBOX & DMS R OPEN!!!] -> wont be answering weird dms w no context lol. at least try to use basic conversation skills.

☆ as far as you should be concerned, i don't have a name. call me null. he/it/hymn, subby, pre-everything (for now) ftm, 18, edgy loser. i'm an anti censorship, splatterpunk enthusiast. literally a star in a human flesh suit. werewolf loving, monster fucking, petplay and forcemasc obsessed freak. i practice the occult, tulpamancy, atheistic Satanism (TST) and whatever other shit i find interesting.

☆ my gender and sexuality are beyond my and your comprehension. idk wtf is going on & neither should you. trans man/masc whos somewhere near the definition of omnisexual. masculine & androgynous pref & don’t typically find mainstream presentation of cis women attractive. transmasc, non binary, but also a man who still likes women in a gay way. i'm ambiamory.

☆ mysterious undiagnosed issues ;-)c (possibly grandiosity, hypomania & adhd but idfc). i'm prone to borderline delusional thinking & often see myself as divine and angelic, i might come off as ungrounded and overly intense when experiencing this. this is not a thought pattern that can or will be changed by strangers online. any attempts at “reality checking” will be ignored.

☆ i have weird thoughts & am a fucking loser for petplay. i love gross media. freaks PLEASE interact. asks always open (^_^) if you're following me & i actively interact with your posts pretend we're mutuals

PROFiLE NAViGATiON

#.txt -> text post (obv)

#.img -> img post (again, duh)

#favs -> lets take an educated guess!

#my writing -> hm...

#my art -> tag i use in the rare occurrence i post my art here

#pics -> not my pictures/rbg imgs i fw

#resources -> information & other helpful links

#scotties crap -> my tulpas rbgs/posts/wtvr tf

#puppy posting -> horny shit <3

#god.pdf -> idk how to describe this one. just click it ig

✓ (heavy) praise, mild/light degradation, body worship & inspection, forcemasc, humiliation, teratophilia/monster fucking, petplay, primal, roleplay, cowboys, werewolves, manhandling, boots, masks, grinding, double penetration, 3some, biting, vanilla, pet names, corruption, voice, monster plants

? intox, (safe/light) bloodplay, overstim, urophilia???? (not too sure on this 1, its mainly the power imbalance and desperation it represents), dumbification, scarification, bdsm, cnc (with proper aftercare), scent/musk, bondage

✗ detrans, scat, feet, misgendering, feedism, raceplay, emetophilia, ageplay, lack of aftercare

KiNKTOBER 2024 SOFT SMUT PROMPTS HORROR MOViE NSFT ASKS

[deerboybreeder]

About the detrans stuff- I'm ftm and used to be really into detrans kink, but I also always felt like shit afterwards. It took a bit of work but it turns out I was only into it because I thought that was the only way I'd be attractive to cis men. I'm also really into pregnancy and lactation so that worked with it too. I just really needed validation from men

I think what I'm trying to say is it's not uncommon to think you're into a kink only for it to actually be a trauma response. That doesn't mean you have to drop the kink, you just have to mess around a bit with your boundaries within that kink to figure out what works and what doesn't

I ended up dropping the misgendering part of detrans. But I'm still into having to halt my transition/detransition because someone got me pregnant. That kinda thing

I really appreciate the insight anon! I think I might be in a similar situation, because so much of the content that doesn't actually suck for me later on has to do with pregnancy and it stopping my transition. It really does feel like I'm prioritizing the cis opinion of me in the mindset I get in when I'm posting detrans stuff, which is stupid because I'm mostly T4T (or at least prioritize relationships w other trans ppl) anyway.

I already know I get super caught up in needing validation and attention from people sexual or otherwise, it's definitely a Problem like even irl for me, so I think yeah, it's me trying to appeal to cis men more.

I still like the idea of being forced to stop medical transition because of pregnancy, and someone doing it with the intent to feminize me, but I think I am going to lay off the "you'll never be a real man" type stuff. I don't mind the feminine titles (ie "I'm gonna make you a mom"/"now you're my wife"/"breeder gf"), but maybe that's the GNC part of me playing with gender more than actually misgendering, or like how some gay men call each other girl? But I'm definitely gonna drop the body parts = gender part of it I think for a while... Degendering I think is fine it comes with the dehumanization which I'm super into, but I might lay off the misgendering and gender specific bioessentialism. Still a big fan of the "you have a womb so it's gotta be filled" thing, but that makes me feel less like a woman which I don't like, and more like a thing with a purpose and role that isn't inherently gendered, which is good for me I think.

I also think? I dunno, someone posted before that the appeal of detrans for a lot of people is the sexualization of how our bodies can change so much and honestly that's dead on, so focusing on being made to change my body is probably the sweet spot! That change is part of the pregnancy + lactation appeal too tbh. So less "I'm detransing you because you're actually a woman" and more "I'm detransing you because you're hotter to me looking like this regardless of your identity, if you're going to be a man I want you to look this way". Which, also ties into my st*rv*tion kink which I don't post about here so I don't get nuked lol....

TLDR; Thank you anon sm for your insight! Definitely going to tweak my boundaries a bit and see how that works out for me.

[polyamorouspunk]

Curious what your thoughts are on ppl being "obligate" polyam?

I ask because I've been debating if maybe I might be because I feel so in love with my gf rn, but... I still feel like I'm missing something. Like. She feels like a single flavor of food that I like. But, as much as I do I couldn't live off of just that one thing yk?

It scares me though, because she's explicitly monogamous, so I can't really go out and explore and try it out to see if it's for me without losing her. I don't really know what to do. Or how much longer I should stay still feeling like this. Or if I should just dismiss it as baseless anxiety and just let myself enjoy being with her.

I'm so scared to break her heart.

And like, how can I do this? How can I seriously be considering losing her just to try something I don't even know if I need or will even like.

It feels wrong, I love her this is stupid. But I just can't seem to dismiss it. I mean, I'm literally typing this in the middle of a New Years Eve party because I just can't get it out of my head.

I think what you’re calling “obligate” polyam is what I call “inherently” polyam, where, it’s like, I WILL fall in love or at least crush on other people and want to date them at the same time no matter what, it’s not a choice it’s just how I feel.

I started this blog as an outlet for my anger issues which I now realize probably stem from my bpd and just to talk about polyamory- correct the RAMPANT misinformation people were spreading, but also, to talk about the stuff no one else seemed to talk about. I’m really lucky that my polyam mutuals post about all the wonderful things about polyamory- the love, the amazing partners, the memes, etc. But that left me needing a space to talk about what I felt the most- shame.

I came out at 17 as polyam and it was awful. I was terrified I was going to lose my partner over it. I was filled with this awful feeling of being a horrible person for not “loving my partner enough” and so worried they were going to see it as them “not being good enough for me”. I mean I was seriously broken up about it.

But my partner took it in stride. We made it work. But I still felt this deep shame that ended up leading me to decide to be monogamous just for them after a while.

I even started dating my now-again-gf while dating my primary partner at the time, and although she literally dated me while I was dating someone else and quite literally knows I run this blog, I still haven’t re-brought-up the fact that I’m polyam, and that’s 100% hanging over my head, especially with how infatuated I am with someone else right now, though we’ve talked about that a little.

I’m really lucky I have people like @eevyerndracaneon and the people in my polyam discord server to talk openly about the shame and guilt that I still to this day feel about being polyam despite running one of the biggest polyamory blogs on this website.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned though, it’s that monogamous people can be a lot more open-minded than you’d expect. I’ve never actually dated anyone polyam. All of my partners have been monogamous. And all of my monogamous partners have been fine with me dating other people while also dating them.

And a few years ago, my brother came out as polyam! And it was even harder for him than coming out as gay! And once again I was lucky enough to ride on the tailwind of him coming out first as the older one and also come out as polyam. Even my best friend and I have talked about dating and having an open relationship in the past.

It’s funny, and wild, how many polyamorous people you’ll meet out in the open once you come out too. My first semester in college, I was sitting in front of two older trans guys when I heard them talking about polyamory, and shyly I turned around and asked if they were polyam and they said yes, and they were the first polyam people I had met (that I know of).

Just a few months ago I was at a concert and sat next to a group of 3 people that were all really touchy and flirty, and since they were all really obvious about it I just asked if they were all dating and they explained their polycule to me and I was just like… me! That’s me! Me too! And they were SO happy to meet me back!

A lot of the other polyam blogs on here will tell you the same thing: it’s unrealistic to expect one person to fill every single want and need you have, and can put a lot of pressure on that person to do things they maybe aren’t comfortable with.

It’s not as unusual and shameful as you might think. It’s really all about conquering that inner polyphobia, which can be really hard, and is a process. Hell, I’m 24 now, and run this majorly successful polyam blog, and I’m STILL in my discord server like “guys idk how to tell my gf I’m polyam… again… uh… imma just not rn”.

Only you can decide what the best course of action for you is. I know I’ve lived fine with choosing monogamy and feeling like I’m missing out on some of my wants/needs as a sacrifice for a wholesome relationship I wanted to keep. A compromise, if you will. I also know that not coming out to my partner as polyam was eating me up inside at the time. And that when they did end our relationship and I was able to be with someone else I did realize things I was missing from that relationship and how GOOD it was to finally have those things.

Be optimistic. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, really, it’s that there’s more of us out there than you think, even if we go by different names, but also that monogamous people really can be open-minded and willing to share a partner.

[xiomeebo]

I don usually make posts like this but it genuinely feels unsafe to be a gay transmasc in online fandom spaces sometimes (an honestly online queer spaces too)

Like, trans men make posts talkin about their experiences an you get ppl in the notes sayin the most vile shit. Trans men cannot talk about the shit they go thru because ppl will come in an say theyre bein bigots for havin the audacity to not like the way theyre treated

Gay men make posts about bein gay an bein attracted to men. the notes are FULL of ppl sayin shit like "you have my condolences" "sorry for your loss" or ppl sayin their attraction is "unfortunate" like do ppl not realise jokes like that made to completely random strangers online is just straight up homophobia.

I swear anyone who falls under the spectrum of queer masculinity literally cannot fuckin win no matter what. attraction to men is "unfortunate", butches an masc transmen/transmascs are "scary", fem or androgynous transmen/transmascs are viewed as fakers

Ppl took "i hate men" jokes too far the moment they started usin them on random strangers talkin about their identity an who they love,

white cishet asshole men do not give two shits if you hate them, but the marginalized men an other ppl who are masc, will hear those jokes an comments made towards them, an feel like shit for simply existin

(For the record, 'm not sayin to stop jokes like that forever, but like. use them on friends that you know are fine w havin that used on them.)

an w fandoms, ppl will look at trends of shippin leanin towards m/m an male characters in general instead of goin after misogyny that actually causes it, they will attack gay men or trans men for havin the audacity to like/wan characters like them in smthn. I genuinely cannot name more than one transmasc character in a piece of media that either hasn been fucked up by the writin or treated weirdly by the fandom. I cannot name one male character thas been queercoded who hasn had shitloads of rlly fuckin stupid an homophobic discourse around him. Fandom spaces feel like to me, that queer men aren wanted or welcome, because they don fit in ppls weird "fujoshi mlm ship fetishisin" image ppl have in their heads.

'm just honestly exhausted of seein so much vile shit relatin to my own identity online, an yea you can filter your experience !!! block ppl !!!! but when 's literally on every post, or when theres so many ppl acting like that, at some point blockin ppl just flat out doesn do shit

[elluka]

Happy Pride. These are my Limbus Company headcanons. ID in alt, long ass explanations + extra headcanons under the cut bc I didn't like the look of when i put two flags on each character.

The City is a hellscape but it IS established that being GNC is cool in ruina, and I'm going off of the assumption that being nonconforming is fine for the most part, but queer identities aren't really something people talk about, BUT also it does vary wildly depending on the part of the city, leading to culture shock with a few characters having come from more conservative areas (sinclair, don quixote) when seeing people from more relaxed areas just living their best lives (faust, outis). (warning for mentions of trans and homophobia)

Dante isn't sure if they identified like this already or if they were just kind of assigned nonbinary when they had amnesia and has not questioned this. If they were to think about it, they would still be nonbinary, but maybe in a different way? They have the Agonies to go through and amnesia to wretsle with though, so they don't spend much time thinking abt gender when they;re fine with it as it is.

Sinclair is an egg still, but will eventually realise he is bigender and gay (for guys). He is aware of and respects nonbinary people and ppl who use other pronouns like Dante but subconsiously thinks that you need to have like, qualifications to be allowed identify as trans and it's not something that just anyone is allowed to do. He still hasn't accepted that he likes boys OR that he's not into girls. Give him some time, poor kid has catholic guilt in a setting with no catholics, he thinks every little thing he does is sinful, nevermind the stuff that other people actually say is a sin. He thinks its fine and is supportive when others are queer but not when he is.

Ishmael is a lesbian. She got up to some yuri on that boat. Nowadays she's too focused on revenge to think about romance though.

Meursault is pan. He doesn't care about gender, just appearance (he has comically high standards here, usually) and whether you make him do stuff he doesn't wanna do or not (he has comically low standards here, usually).

Rodya is bi. She will flirt with guys and girls alike, but when she's chatting up a woman she takes extra care to make sure it can easily be taken as a joke. My source for this is when she's flirting with Faust in canto 4. Bi4Bi with Gregor, at least in the LCB universe; she gets with others in different realities.

Gregor is also bi, nad pretty casual about it. Like, he gets nervous when chatting with anyone hot, but he's no more nervous with guys than with girls. I also like him being a trans guy, but I still need to workshop my lore for that. Bi4Bi with Rodya in the LCB universe, damn near bitchless in every other one. He has NO game.

Yi sang is something called reflectshift, which was defined by the coiner as "a gender related to mirrors , reflections & shapeshifting". He uses any pronouns but he doesn't tell people this and so people only use he/him so now he yearns for just one weirdo to break the cycle and call him something else. He will not ever express this sentiment, nor will he ever bring up his gender unless prompted, though if he is directly asked he will go on a long poetic rant about it.

Faust was a woman but then she made that contract with that undefined being and their minds connected so now Faust is a demigirl and Faust is Faust.

Outis is a lesbian the way the way many ancient greeks were gay. Men just aren't as smart or hot or personable or cool or strong as women, you see, they don't have the soul,

Hong Lu is gay. He thinks straight people are like, not real. All the books he's read only have straight romance in them but he thinks it's like, just one of those things that people think they should add, or like a job, where no-one actually WANTS to be straight but they have to, for some undefined reason.

Ryoshu is a trans guy. He cut his own hair with a sword in a dramatic moment. It's not that he hides his identity, but he's fine with people assuming he's a cis woman bc it is funny. He will confidently walk into mens restrooms or walk around in just boxers or whatever and everyone is always just like "oh man, ryoshu's doing a fucking bit again", which is funny enough that he doesn't say anything. If someone were to react with genuine hatred or something, though, he would walk up to them, explain that he IS a guy, and kill them. It's an art.

Don Quixote is a lesbiknight, a gender "related to being a lesbian and being a knight". She used to be out, and used she/her, he/him, and the neopronouns he/her/heroself, but after one too many incidents from before joining LCB and after losing sancho (her one ally) she has decided to just be a normal weird girl since people are nicer that way.

Heathcliff is currently only about Catherine, but if she had been another gender, he would have fallen just as hard. While he hasn't processed his identity, he is still perfectly happy to knock the brains out of homo/transphobes, because he likes hitting stuck up bastards with his baseball bat and he does feel very strongly that people should be able to do whatever they want without any buggers butting in on wtuff thats not their buisness. Good for him.

Demian is bi, and his gender is "a normal human boy" or "a boy, which is one of the most common genders held by homo sapiens, who are the dominent species on earth, not counting us abnormalities, of course".

Oh yeah also Charon is a lesbian. So is Sonya. That one person who said Sonya is a he/him lesbian is so real.

OH AND ANGELA IS A TRANS GUY. I will die on this fucking hill.

Sinclair's entire section here is inspired by both the game and the book. Ishmael was pure vibes. Ryoshu was inspired by the insane backstory i came up with for her after reading hell screen. You could read hell screen and not in a million years understand the backstory i came up with. Hong Lu not knowing abt straight people was inspired by my own experiences being uninterested in romance. Thank you.

[idiotsonlyevent]

wow, naoto's writing is bad! and its not even bad because "they should have been trans" or whatever tf ppl are saying, its bad because its inconsistent both internally as well with persona's canon lore. like, the whole basis of the persona series is that your shadow is part your true self. even though it says things that you don't want to hear or admit to others, it's still YOU. naoto's shadow 'wants to be a man.' naoto's shadow wants gcs. naoto's shadow is trans.

and that's not to say that you can't write a story or an arc about questioning gender. or a gnc woman. or about what it's like to be a woman in a male-dominated field. or a child that's forced to grow up too quickly because they're surrounded by - and doing the job of - adults. but to do that, then naoto's social link should have actually explored those things? we hear a lot about how it must be tough to be a woman detective. how the adult police officers don't take naoto seriously. but it's never shown; those issues aren't explored in a meaningful way. we know that they happen in the real world, but we don't get to see naoto react to those things; like the yosuke reacts to the junes part-timers, or the way yukiko reacts to the reporters and kasai-san. so that angle falls flat because those problems aren't acknowledged in naoto's arc.

naoto is openly dysphoric. i'm not saying that makes them trans bc dysphoric cis people exist, but they are repeatedly shown being uncomfortable when other characters bring up their height, the pitch of their voice, and their chest. and you can say that them deciding that they're a woman means that they're not comfortable being seen as a man either - that's fine, nonbinary people exist - but the scale of the discomfort is so completely different that it feels ridiculous and almost in bad faith to say they felt as uncomfortable 'as a man' as they did 'as a woman.'

and honestly, im a little tired of seeing stories where women 'dress up' as men to avoid sexism. i know the people writing these have never actually talked to trans men, but that's not how the world works. we don't come out and suddenly become magically accepted by society. you can be out for years and still be routinely misgendered! and in some cases, if you pass, you're expected to uphold and reinforce sexism - fun! /s. but those stories never show that, do they? i get that they're supposed to be escapist fantasies, and not real life, but persona 4 is a game that has relatively grounded themes and characters. many of us are or know a yosuke, a chie, a yukiko, etc. naoto's writing feels out of place because the themes it's trying to explore are either completely ignored or bastardized so badly that they become nonsensical.

it's also incredibly demeaning and egregious that to romance naoto, you basically force-fem them, when the whole point of their 'platonic' social link is that their gender doesn't matter (until at the very end, where they decide they're 'a woman after all'). this is pretty clearly done to assert the heterosexuality of the protagonist, but it's still really gross. are gnc women w lower voices not allowed to date men now? fellas, is it gay to date a woman?

but actually the most uncomfortable part to me is the rhetoric surrounding naoto's transness. i know this game came out more than a decade ago, but it uses the same negative tropes about transmasculine people that are being peddled by t€rfs and transphoßes today. and it's primarily other women (chie and yukiko) enforcing naoto's gender expression to stamp out any ideas of transmasculinity. naoto can't Actually be trans - she's just a confused little girl! she'll grow out of it and realize how stupid she was to throw away her beauty to be an ugly man! she was a girl all along! its straight out of social contagion nonsense, when their arc could have perfectly meshed w the theme of acceptance if they um. maybe accepted that they can be trans, even without needing to 'change their sex'? they can be a man with a 'woman's body'? they can see themselves however they want? (reminded of that post of a 'western' trans person saying they thought the trans man from one piece was a caricature or something, and the replies were just. japanese trans people saying that the way he's presented is empowering for them bc it's impossible to get hrt/gcs in japan, so they prefer narratives that accept their bodies as they are.)

naoto could have been amazing gnc woman, non-binary, or trans man rep, if atlus stuck to it and explored what any of those things meant to naoto as a character. instead, they fumbled the writing so badly that it becomes impossible to tell what they were trying to say. unless you're trans, then one day, you too can become normal! 

[tirfpikachu]

i mean there’s genuinely no difference between a frat bro saying ‘i’m a lesbian too haha’ and a ‘transbian’… they are males intruding on a female exclusive sexuality that has always and will always face harassment from males just for daring to not feel attraction to them. a man did not grow up with the same experiences as a lesbian. a woman did not grow up with the same experiences as a gay man. they are heterosexuals with het privilege inserting themselves into gay spaces and it is insulting to actual homosexuals - who are a very small minority!- to intrude on our lives and communities. i have been pushed out of most mainstream lesbian spaces by ‘transbians’, they revolve around girldick and people who ‘love butches’ who are always just masculine males. i hold no energy for men who claim space for themselves without giving a damn about us - which is most ‘transbians’. because they are entitled males and were raised entitled males. you are doing fine work by being diplomatic but god including ‘transbians’ is downright insulting to lesbians who have been dealing with lesbophobia and misogyny because we aren’t attracted to and don’t relate to trans women *by nature*. they are heterosexual males and lesbians should not be expected to stand by them after they’ve colonized our spaces. it’s disappointing that you hold such an inherently homophobic view about heterosexual people

also are you not supporting bisexual lesbianism/split attraction model by saying people who are trans, have ‘gay experiences’, but are technically hetero/bi can use gay labels? there’s no criteria for lesbianism besides experiencing similar harassment to lesbians? i think you are well-spoken but should interrogate this train of thought more. who does it serve to include bisexual, or, less generously, heterosexual trans people in gay sexuality?

i thought for a really long time about this ask! it's such a complicated topic that ofc seems very obvious to ppl on each side. originally when i answered your previous asks (you or someone else on the topic) i honestly wasn't fully settled into my thoughts about it. i'm still fairly new to spaces that aren't mainstream tra spaces. i don't agree that male ppl who transition into being perceived as gay women with their partners etc have the same intent as fratbros joking abt being dykes. i think they just occupy a space that previously was almost impossible back when physical transition wasn't a thing. they're still struggling to find their own space. yes, they did (and still do) really bad shit to homosexuals and female ppl as a community. i know that firsthand. but i also have seen people transition that way and i think it's always annoyingly more complex than it is at first glance. but i REFUSE to give up exclusive female4female & male4male spaces. i refuse to not hold heterosexual ppl accountable for their consistent homophobia, especially transfems unfortunately due to their male socializing & body differences that causes a power imbalance. though i have seen transmascs who date bio men and say the wildest shit ever, or even trick bio gay men into having sex with them without telling them. like stuff is getting REALLY bad, truly unhinged, and i am worried. i just want to figure this stuff out, and i don't believe all trans ppl are doing this for evil reasons, or even callous reasons.

honestly, i do think the term lesbian has always been so fucking unique and uniquely marginalized. and many people born with dicks, transfems included, have been horrible to me & other biological lesbians. i think we have been denied basic respect for so long and pressured to the point of abuse for some of us. transitioning becoming more accessible makes this issue much worse and more pressing. personally, where i'm at right now is... i am okay with transfems who post-transition live passing as sapphic with their gfs etc (who at times are transfem too) using the term transbian. but i do think them using the word lesbian on its own just digs the knife deeper for the female4female community, the lesbian community, which before very recently - back when physical transition wasn't possible - was always 99.9% bio women and transmasc folks loving each other. it's a very specific term. it is heavily, extremely fetishized, and demonized, and belittled, and is an isolating af experience from a young age. they don't get it. of course they don't. yet their sexuality is extremely complex if they transition; they go from their relationships being shrugged off to facing lesbophobia. just like transmasc ppl who transition can date bio men and suddenly face homophobia. but that's those people immigrating into the experiences that homosexuals, exclusively same-sex/agab attracted people, were born into. they have had a life free of the paranoia of showing any attraction to their opposite sex. it must be confusing as fuck. it must be isolating. but it's not the same. it'll never be, and i think gay female ppl & gay male ppl have really tried to be accommodating... i do believe there can be wonderful spaces where everyone who lives perceived as gay/bi men, or as gay/bi women, can have their respective gay & sapphic spaces that are trans-inclusive. i also believe that we need our exclusive male4male and female4female spaces too. we need a space to let loose and bond over stuff.

i think it would be immensely healthy for trans people who transition into living as gay to form their own specific terms for that. i think right now they exist in a very awkward in-between place where they try to make gay/lesbian terms match. but they're constantly upset when homosexual culture doesn't magically stretch itself to include them at every turn, they view it as an attack and a rejection, bc they don't realize same-sex attracted ppl have unique experiences too. they accept t4t but not us. and at times they're butting into a culture they can't really comprehend, same as if a bio gay guy went into a club full of transmasc people who live as gay men. there would be a totally different vibe, a different culture, and i think it upsets trans ppl to think that they're different. even though it's 10000% OKAY to be different, you need to come to terms with it. it can be dysphoria-triggering, that makes total sense... but it's not healthy for them to try to utterly deny their sex/agab and shove themselves into a box they are incapable of fitting into and pretend that they were always in that box and they 1000% understand that box and anyone who says they were never in that box before or that they're new in it and need to be respectful is just a horrible bigot. anyone making homosexual-specific inside jokes etc are being exclusionary meanies. it's not fucking healthy for them OR for female4female & male4male people. we're all marginalized in different ways, and it's not earning them any favors from us. which actually only isolates them more!

transfems haven't returned the allyship that female ppl so often show them, and especially did earlier on when it wasn't so girldick-in-your-face in lesbian spaces and homosexual-shaming as it is now. i will personally, where i'm at right now writing this, accept the term transbian to mean someone who has immigrated into the experience of being perceived as a lesbian, faces misogyny & lesbophobia, and may live that way for 30-40+ years or their whole ass lives doing so. i still will consider them my sisters and want to bond over the similarities and differences in our experiences. but they need to fucking understand what they've done, as a group, to bio lesbians and just female4female ppl. and how bio men & transfems are born into privilege, and that doesn't just all shed away the second they grow tits or get surgeries. i will accept transbian for now. but i think them saying they're lesbian women outright has started to feel insensitive to the current cultural tensions within lgbt, and the misogyny & lesbophobia their community has brought us. all the threats and sexual abuse & guilt-tripping they throw at us, in very male ways. i do believe there's absolutely lovely trans women who i wouldn't even recognize as trans and find common ground with when we both talk about our girlfriends and how shitty society treats lesbian-passing couples. i think homosexual bio men tend to be better at asserting their boundaries bc female folks are taught to be meek and subservient growing up. but we've finally had enough. it took me meeting trans women who tell me "hey, it's really fucked up how my community treats lesbians. i'm sorry. you deserve better" for me to really start to process my anger. bc it could've been so simple!! but it wasn't. it still isn't. i want transfem allies to rise up and show the fuck up for homosexual female folks. for the og lesbians. i will welcome transbians, personally, but not in all context. and i don't expect them to welcome me in transbian-exclusive context either. i want actual allyship. i know this isn't me fully agreeing with you anon, we still disagree on certain aspects of this. but your ask did help me. and i want you to know i don't take shit from misogynistic transfems, i don't let opposite-sex attracted transfems to speak over homosexuals, i demand mutual respect. opposite-sex attracted trans people who live as gays irl post-transition occupy a very weird space. i want to open up dialogue about that with them and between homosexuals too. at the very least, more and more transfems are peaking and properly apologizing & showing up for us. little by little.

i don't know where i am about opposite-sex attracted transmascs using gay. for me, personally, i don't really mind bc it doesn't have the same impact as lesbians having male bodies pressured onto them. i would need to talk to more male4male people, including bio gay men and transfems who are only into other male people. i know some transmascs use the term achillean, and other things like that. some also use gay to mean being same-sex attracted, often they're transmasc4transmasc (and can reclaim lesbian if they so desired, or make new terms). i deeply care for both homosexual rights and people who are genuinely trans and transitioning into new experiences. i'm still trying to learn more and find a middle ground. i know i'm a nicefem by radblr standards or whatever, but whatever.

so yeah, anyways. thank you sm for this ask! it really did stir my brain. i know this isn't as satisfying as if i had outright agreed with you after all this, but i tend to have more nuanced takes since i've been deep in the trans community as a detrans woman and seen how complex life is for people who transition into a gay-passing life. i'm still learning and gathering my thoughts. asks like these really do help.

we need to stand our ground gyns. we need to fight for homosexual rights. we need ppl who immigrate into our experiences to show us basic respect and not demand us to do conversion therapy on ourselves or stop making community inside jokes, just erase all our history to make space for them. we can have overlapping experiences without forgetting to celebrate our differences too. we can have trans-inclusive gay spaces and homosexual-only spaces and trans-exclusive spaces. we can literally have it all and coexist! & they need to start holding their bigots & creeps accountable. we need them to figure this shit out. i get that being a hetero person living as gay, thriving in that way as they're more than welcome to, can be really confusing and isolating and frustrating. but they can't keep doing this to other marginalized communities. it's just not fucking fair.

[trans-axolotl]

is it okay for perisex people to question if they may be intersex and do research even if they think they’re perisex and don’t think they have signs of it? is it good to do similar to the way questioning your gender (for cis people) is good too? or is it inappropriate to look into

Hey anon,

I think it's important to recognize the distinctions between intersex identity and experiences and other LGBTQ experiences. we are part of the LGBTQIA community but like, I don't think that it's always the most helpful to try to directly compare what our journey can look like with other dyadic LGBTQ journies because they aren't entirely going to look the same.

Sometimes I'm not even sure if questioning intersex is the right word to describe the process of intersex discovery-I think when you are questioning if you're intersex or not, it can be a lot more helpful to draw insight to disability community experiences around self-diagnosis rather than trying to compare it to like, questioning being trans. Because with being intersex there is this whole other physical aspect and possibly medical intervention and tests and I don't think people need to pursue medical intervention, but that can be a different experience than questioning being gay or trans where you usually aren't going to be engaging as much with the medical world or your physical body in that way.

So yeah, it's okay for perisex people to do whatever research you want- I'm not stopping you. If you don't have any intersex signs it's up to you if you want to spend your time doing in depth medical research and i don't know how beneficial some of the in depth info will be to you. I think if you don't think you have any signs of intersex variations, I'm not sure if considering this an intersex discovery process is helpful, and it might be more helpful to frame it as more just doing research, finding information, increasing your knowledge on intersex topics. Obviously if you're doing research and do find information that you think might pertain to you then that of course makes sense you would want to explore that. I also just don't know if I personally think that cis ppl need to question their gender or that it's inherently a good thing--I don't think it's a bad thing, I just think I personally more think of it as a morally neutral experience that people will have all different feelings about.

also i don't want you to take this as an attack on u, bc it's okay not to like, know all the nuances of intersex community topics. but i do want to say that something we get pretty frustrated with a lot in intersex community is the way perisex people often only engage with intersex topics if it's convenient to them, or on their terms. and when you frame learning more about intersex people as something you would only do because there's a chance you might be intersex even though you think you're perisex, that brings up some complicated feelings in me. i'm very used to perisex people only engaging with intersex topics when it benefits them, so it is a little uncomfortable for me to see learning more about intersex people framed as something you could only do if you were questioning being intersex. i don't think you intended it to come off that way and im not mad, but i do think it's worth considering the fact that this information is still valuable and a helpful way to be an ally regardless of whether or not you turn out to be intersex, and that i think perisex people need to reflect more on how they center themselves in intersex conversations.

anyway, long story short, it's always fine to do research on intersex variations, but i think it's important to realize that intersex questioning doesn't always look the same as other LGBTQ questioning processes. and also important to be aware of the trend of perisex people centering themselves in intersex conversations and consider ways to uplift the inherent value of intersex community + knowledge even when it's not beneficial or convenient for perisex people.

this answer's kind of a mess cause im tired but other intersex people feel free to add on or disagree, we have lots of different opinions and this is just my perspective.

[horrorfolk]

rambles about gender and how I don't understand it

I think I'm just too autistic to understand the concept of gender or rly.. figure out my own gender identity. like I don't think I even have one? I want to live my life as a man and present and be seen as one. but I don't FEEL any kind of gender. like transitioning was more of an aesthetic choice for how I want to look and be seen by others. but "gender" is such a vague concept to me and I never felt any kind of gender I just do things and people ascribe gender to them. like when I was a kid I did not think about gender at all until puberty started and I began having trans thoughts™ and day dreaming about swapping bodies with boys I knew or becoming a boy or pretending to be a boy on the internet. I guess I don't feel like I'm nonbinary bc most nonbinary people I've met at least still feel and understand gender. but I don't even get it in other people really. like I know gender and presentation are different but presentation is kinda all gender is to me. if there's nothing physical to ascribe to gender and it's just an abstract concept I literally cannot wrap my head around that. which is partially why I don't understand some GNC trans people. not that I ever question them or tell them they're fake but I just don't get it? I don't get how you can "feel" a gender but not want to present or be seen as that gender. if there's nothing physical for me to hold onto I don't really understand gender as a concept. I consider myself a trans man bc I take T and got surgery to look more like one so that I can live as a man in society. so if people aren't doing those things I just don't get why they're trans bc to me trans isn't a feeling.... gender is not a feeling... when people say they "feel" like a man or woman I literally cannot fathom what they mean. I don't and have never "felt" like a man. if I wanted to I could have just lived as a woman my whole life. like I would have been depressed/suicidal bc I have gender dysphoria but I still COULD have. it's confusing to me that all trans people have a different experience of being trans and like there's no real set of symptoms or whatever to ascribe to transness bc everyone is so different. I don't know what makes me trans. I suspect for me it's just a mental disorder that comes from my C-PTSD and history of sexual trauma. I tried living as a woman and I fucking hated it, but like idk. with enough therapy maybe I could have been "saved" from transitioning lmfao idk. I have accepted a while ago that I am not a typical trans person and don't have the experience most trans people have nor do I understand others experiences. that's why I feel so alienated from the trans community. I don't "feel" trans. and for a long time I rejected any specific labels and I am starting to get back to that but "trans" just makes sense for me in how it is literally defined. I've read a lot of radfem stuff and queer theory stuff trying to make sense of it from all angles. sometimes I can follow the logic. sometimes I'm just like, no this makes no sense for me. maybe for other trans people but not me. I'm in a weird place bc I'm dating a cis gay man and I don't feel.. worthy? to be doing that? like, idk. I feel like he'd be happier with another cis man. but maybe not. who knows. if all I am is a woman who wants to live as a man then that's fine with me, I don't really care what gender I am lol. I just know how I want to look and present to the public eye. this is why ppl think I'm truscum or whatever but I'm not, I don't push my feelings about my own gender onto others. I don't rly care what other people do and call themselves even if I don't "get it." by some definitions I am nonbinary but I have little interest in exploring that as an identity for myself as I've done it before and just feel more dysphoria at the fact I am not "really a man" but some mysterious third thing. I have theories about where my gender dysphoria comes from but none of it is proven and it's kind of a waste of time to dwell on it. anywayyyyyy

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hi! Not rlly used to talking about this type of stuff - but I figured I should maybe see if anyone had ever been in a similar situation or anything.

long story btw...

TW for mentions of homophobia ig

Okay so, for many years I was under the impression that my mother was actually completely and utterly fine with the queer community and I found out not that long ago that that was apparently not true.

For some background info to how I thought that ig - my mum often worked for very long hours and I adored all the time I could spend with her when she wasn't working. To me she was a role model and due to most likely being 'too young' I didn't get to hear a lot of her opinions about certain things (such as the queer community, but also other things) and built up an image of my mother in my mind who would always support me and constantly told myself how lucky I was bc there were so many ppl out there who didn't have the same fortune and probably never felt like they could connect with their mothers.

I however found out when I was in my first yr of highschool (yr 7 where i am) that she actually wasn't as open minded as I'd hoped.

I started hearing her talk about how she didn't believe a trans man could ever be a man/how a trans woman could never be a woman. Making comments on how ppl who were nonbinary didn't make sense/couldn't exist and how they/them pronouns were dumb and how anyone who didn't identify with either gay, straight or bi was weird. She also made comments about how she was willing to use a trans person's pronouns in front of them if they made sense (she/her or he/him only) and didn't bother when they weren't around bc she thought it didn't matter.

She also was always talking about how she didn't want people talking about this stuff all the time and how she was so annoyed by ppl constantly making children's media queer - to a point where last year she started feeling like there was a possibility that I was being exposed to too much queer media (I was trying to borrow books that had queer characters cause I grew up not all that knowing of the Lgbtqai community) and started banning me from buying/borrowing books that she thought were 'too gay' or 'too queer' and not even letting me touch the ones with trans characters - which was odd bc we'd watched movies with queer ppl in it before and she'd been fine with it! (mostly with them as background characters or not the MC e.g. Mitch and Cam + their friends in Modern Family). She then started going through my books I borrowed to make sure they weren't queer.

She seemed okay with other people being bi or gay irl but when she talked to me she often said things like 'you can be anything u want except gay or trans' and 'no bringing home a boy until ur 18 and no bringing home any girlfriends every - and nothing other either (derogative)' as well as often talking about how she wants to find me a church boy with similar ideals to my family's ones.

This has been rlly upsetting - I figured out I was aro early on, however with my mother's reactions I fear she would most likely invalidate me/try and get me a bf anyway. Also I realised that I wasn't cis (nonbinary or agender) and now I'm scared that if I ever transition too much (bc I want to get a binder and possibly one day have top surgery and I want to get masc haircuts and all that) or actually start going by a diff name in public + diff pronouns that she might just through me out or send me back to my home country to 'set me straight' bc where I'm from being queer is not common (even though we have managed to make gay marriage legal).

This is also bad not just bc of me but bc I have friends who r queer who have been huge helps and I always wanted them to feel safe around me and my family however now I'm scared to ever so much as introduce some of them to my parents in fear of them being misgendered/disrespected or her banning me from seeing them.

I always hear ppl talking about cutting off their families or learning to live without them when they're older but I'm the eldest and expected to look after my parents when they get older. Not to mention - I have a brother who is 13 yrs younger then me and though sometimes I feel as if I don't quite feel the emotional connection I should (won't be getting into that) I also don't want him to grow up without some sort of other older guidance as I feel like he is very different to me and also when I was younger my parents worked a lot with allowed me to have more perspective on the world other then theirs were-as my brother will most likely have their opinions shoved down his throat and I can't stand the thought of him growing up to be some weird 'alpha-male' type who pushes down his feelings, is homophobic/transphobic and decides that he doesn't like anyone different. This would mean that I most likely wouldn't be able to leave him until he was around 18 too and I have so much family that I genuinely don't think that I'd be able to leave them all behind + I don't want to have to be scared to enjoy my own culture (bc I am from a small island and my family has a lot of ties + is rlly big and I wouldn't be able to go far without someone mentioning my father, mother, cousins, or grandparents).

I genuinely habe no idea what to do or if there is a solution to my problems or if i'd have to one day simply come out and be prepared for my family to hate me or if i'd just have to keep a huge part of me secret until I died but I thought it'd be better to share then to bottle all this up

I seems like a pretty complicated situation, so knowing what exactly to do is tricky.

I definitely don't think you should come out to your family now. The chances of you being disowned, thrown out, or something else seems pretty high. If you decide you want to come out, I think waiting until you are living on your own or at least are independent from your family is the best and safest option.

Anyone with other advice feel free to share.