#or is this in relation to the last ask i got because that was about s14
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'FOGGY STREETS AND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS'
(part 3/3)
I'm gonna infodump about the backstory of this comic, don't feel obligated to read it because it's not cotl related it's just personal stuff, I just want to be able to write about it somewhere cause I can't really talk to anyone about it.
As always, thanks for reading this far, sorry my stuff has been such a bummer so consistently. This comic goes out to all my "christmas induced depression" homies, I left my house maybe like ~5 times all month and it was NOT pleasant hearing "IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!" on the radio when I'm so ready for it to be over. Gonna take it reaaaaal easy til the year ends, you guys take it easy too!! Got some asks I have to respond to when I'm more stable but probably no new comic pages til january
Alright uhhh so this part of the comic is pretty much taken directly from the last time I saw my great-grandma alive, a few days before christmas. She didn't remember me, but at the nursing home there was a piano, and I sat down and played some stuff because I didn't know what to say. I was really into lisa the painful rpg at the time, and I played that "I've got the joy" song that the villain sings without realizing it was an old christian campfire song. She didn't really say much or move that whole night, just kind of gave me a polite blank smile, but started singing the words when I played the notes to that song.
I kinda stopped in shock, my dad frantically asked me to keep playing, so I did. While the comic I made is way more sappy than the actual moment was, I wish I'd cherished the moment longer. I didn't know it was the last time I'd see her alive. Every family christmas was held at her house when she was around, so it's been weird the past few years. I actually lost another dementia-addled grandma to cancer on christmas eve in 2009, so the holiday was already kind of weird for me on top of everything else that makes me sad this time of year. That's what part 2 was about, I'll spare the details but I wrote leshy to act out how I felt back then. Why are we all sad? This is supposed to be a happy time, all the decorations are up and we're almost all here, so why is everyone smiling yet everything feels so wrong? I feel like since leshy's canonically the most ignorant one to things lurking below the surface, he'd be the one to try and make everyone feel better but not quite understand why everyone is so miserable. My first memory of having self injurious behavior came from then, hence why I had leshy pull his leaves off in the last comic. It was confusing and frustrating and I was just old enough to comprehend something was wrong, but not old enough to understand the depth of it, it DEFINITELY didn't help that nobody helped me back then so I made leshy's siblings actually come in clutch instead of grabbing him/yelling at him.
That night with the piano was something that's stuck with me the few years she's been gone, but I felt kind of strange when I asked my dad and my sister about it and neither of them remembered it. The room we were in was completely empty so nobody else witnessed it but us three. I myself have a history of head trauma and memory loss (plus, native americans are disproportionately more likely to develop dementia... lucky us) so if I ever forgot about that moment, there'd be nobody left to remember it. Sometimes when I do comics, it's my way of going "this happened at some point, and the only evidence it ever happened was me witnessing it, so if something happens to me I want the memory to stay alive in some form."
Anyway. The autistic urge to overshare, am I right? Idk what my religious ass great-grandma would think of me drawing demonic comics about my last memory of her, she'd probably think it's funny though cause she raised my dad whose interests have always been "death metal and devil worship". I'm not sure if anyone read this far, I just hope my dumb comics can convey the things I can't say with my voice and struggle to say through text. None of this was supposed to be "feel bad for me!! Woe is me!!", it was supposed to me more like...cathartic? Healing? I almost didn't post this comic because it felt kinda weird, but seeing people connect with it made it worth it imo. Thank you
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the suna where he asks if you'd have a baby with him
ask game: a christmas drabble from an established AU AU: wouldn't it be nice?
you've never been particularly good at giving people presents.
not for lack of trying, or lack of care—you want to be good at gift giving, but somehow you've just never quite mastered the skill. you're too indecisive to pick just one thing, so you always end up with a strange mismatched array of little gifts when the time comes, none of which have any particular connection to the other.
and that's to say nothing of your absolutely horrendous gift wrapping abilities.
before you started dating rintarou, christmas was always a real point of stress in your life. from picking out the gift, to tracking the item down, to trying (and ultimately failing) to wrap it in a way that didn't give the impression that a child had done it one-handedly. the stress that built up around the holiday often overshadowed any of the actual enjoyment you were meant to derive from it. and though none of your exes had ever explicitly called you out on being a god-awful gift giver, you knew that it was true.
thankfully, in that way that only rintarou seems to be able to do, that problem just... disappeared when the two of you started dating.
maybe disappeared is the wrong word, but that anxiety that you always used to feel cresting as the holidays drew near just never seemed to swell to the same point of misery as it used to. you never felt the same pressure to pick the perfect thing. to wrap it beautifully. to get it right.
because rintarou has this way of... reassuring you. of sensing when you're struggling and making things... easier. all without ever having to ask.
"i'm not big on gifts," he'd said to you, a full three weeks before your first christmas together. "wanna just go somewhere for the holiday, instead of buying presents? i've got some time off and have been thinking about going to kyoto."
and that settled it.
each christmas since then has passed similarly. either rintarou makes a plan, or very explicitly tells you what he'd like to get as a gift, and when the time comes, any of that stress that used to build up around the day just never even has the chance to take root.
but this year, there's a different sort of nervousness you feel about the holiday.
"my mom sent us a card," rintarou says, coming around the corner of your living room with a little red envelope in his hands. "she invited us to visit for the new year, too."
you shift in your seat under the kotatsu, looking up as he stands over you. "do you want to go?"
he sighs, slumping down onto the sofa behind you. "not really."
"we don't have to, then, if you really don't want to," you assure him, leaning back against the sofa so you're a little nearer to him. he inches forward on the couch cushions to close the gap even further. "but it might be nice to see your family."
rintarou isn't particularly close to his parents, who divorced when he was young. of his family members, the nearest to him is his little sister—and their relationship had largely been built once they both reached adulthood.
"last time we went to see my family my grandma tried to take you to a shaman to get you pregnant," rintarou replies dryly. "you sure you wanna go through that again?"
"i don't think the shaman was the one who was supposed to knock me up," you point out, and rintarou huffs out a laugh. you turn away from him a little. rintarou's grandmother was tired of waiting for great grand children and had tried to use shamanism to speed the process along—it had ended in an argument over a family dinner. "you two really are related, huh?"
"what was that?"
you peek at him over your shoulder.
"i think we should go to see them."
rintarou's brow quirks slightly at your words, and you lean forward so your elbows are resting on the edge of the couch cushion.
his eyes are always so green when you're this close to him, lined with those dark wispy lashes. so pretty. delicate and effortless in a way that would upset you if he wasn't already yours.
"you really wanna go?" he asks you quietly, and you can feel the warmth of his breath on your lips when he speaks. you nod a little, and your lips brush because of the proximity—not quite a kiss, but enough to make him lean forward in search of one.
you pull away before he gets what he's looking for.
"and you can tell grandma that we won't need the shaman this year."
because she's already gotten what she wanted.
he blinks at you, and then his eyes widen, and before you know it he's sitting bolt upright on the sofa with a look of utter disbelief on his pretty face.
just like always, rintarou made gift giving easy this year.
only this time, the present is something you'll both cherish equally, because it's something you've been wanting, too.
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i don't wanna derail @kityana's post about stolas's pill popping, so i'm making a separate one. but something kityana said finally made me think about something: "i'm still not sure if those pills are actually helping him or if they were just given to him to numb him to how shitty his life is"
I've wondered something related to this a lot myself. but Stolas takes his antidepressants with alcohol (and in the aftermath of alcohol, like at the end of The Circus), which is a depressant. taking antidepressants + alcohol at best just cancels out your antidepressants so they don't actually do anything. but both at once, at worst, makes your depression symptoms a lot worse. taking them together is the sort of stuff that college girls get yelled at for, but i guess no one told stolas. i wouldn't be surprised if he's been popping them like candy and upping his dosage because he was told they would help him…and then they don't because of the rampant alcoholism. which is to say that we don't know if the meds even worked for him at all (i'd argue strongly they didn't, considering his alcoholism only ever got worse and he kept taking more and more pills, like they never worked enough) or if they were a placebo while he was taking them
and this might be a bit too nuanced for such a show, but as someone who has suddenly gotten off antidepressants that didn't work at all, the withdrawal symptoms don't always affect mood that much (they did nothing for it to begin with) and they sure as hell don't last a full month after getting off. in fact, going cold turkey off of meds that do work for you shouldn't have withdrawal symptoms that last a full month (if you do, it's a Talk to Your Doctor moment). i just really wonder if Stolas noticed the lack of antidepressants after the first few days beyond the old habit of taking them, and if we really can contribute much of his mental breakdown to getting off antidepressants
but you know what he was taking religiously, that did affect him for sure, and that we haven't seen him touch in a month now? the alcohol. he was drinking during Mastermind, but he clearly hasn't touched it since the trial. Blitz doesn't seem to have alcohol around, and Stolas wouldn't ask for the extra expense -- he's being forced to quit. he passes up Loona's beelzejuice at the Sinsmas party, noticeably. the beelzejuice is brought in, and Stolas immediately goes outside for a smoke instead. he's not drinking anymore. and quitting alcohol cold turkey is an insane process, esp at his level of hard liquor. we're talking about disastrous health consequences and a whole host of withdrawal symptoms -- anxiety, depression, irritability, fatigue, loss of appetite, brain fog, hallucinations, and much worse stuff (in humans, seizures). it's impossible to underestimate the severe damage alcoholism does to your brain and body longterm. and a lot of those withdrawal symptoms stay weeks after stopping cold turkey
like, i don't want to detract from him going off of antidepressants; he needs and obviously wants working antidepressants, he's desperate for them. but i'm gonna be so for real, i've had my experiences going off ineffective antidepressants, and i've watched family members try to quit alcohol. an alcoholic quitting is a brutal, drawn out process that shakes me to my core. there are reasons a person still says "i am an alcoholic" even a decade after quitting. that shit's insidious in a way that antidepressants aren't, and it was affecting stolas noticeably more, surely enough to render his meds useless. if you want him back on antidepressants, then you need a sober Stolas first, and this is what he's FINALLY working on
so i think more emphasis needs to be placed on Stolas's recovery from alcoholism when discussing his mental breakdown, irritability, etc. the fact that he's doing this without rehab or other interventions is miraculous, nearly impossible. i don't want his impressive recovery (so far) from alcoholism to end up getting buried under the antidepressant talk ngl, especially when his getting off of alcohol now means that his antidepressants may actually work in the future and help him. this is something to be so so proud of!!
#helluva boss spoilers#stolas#helluva boss#sinsmas#yeah idk i'm sad i never see anyone mention it#alcohol withdrawal symptoms can kill you#getting off of antidepressants that never worked? not so much#that bird sabotaged his recovery from the beginning#but it looks like he's sobering up now#which is STEP NUMBER 1 BEFORE ANTIDEPRESSANTS#the pills are pointless when he drinks ahhh#he's a sobering alcoholic!!! thats where his issues stem from realistically
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BG3 Headcanons Nobody Asked For.
Part 1: Sleep.
Staring up at my ceiling waiting to sleep made me ask, "How do the companions realistically sleep?" Thank you insomnia for the inspiration.
Gale:
He has to be comfy. He's particular about his pillows and will be very angry if someone "borrows" HIS pillow. (Karlach and Astarion thinks his reaction is funny and will steal it, likely giving it to Lae'zel who has no idea how it got in her tent and insists AGAIN it wasn't her)
It takes him a while to fall asleep, he's a canon overthinker and what better time than alone, pent up, in a tent.
Speaking of pent up, he is likely to wank off to help sleep. It's science. (Is thinking of tav)
Tosses slightly in REM or at the beginning, eventually stays pretty much in the same position all night.
On particularly stressful days/nights, he sleep talks. You could have full conversations with him, even if they are whacko and hilarious (Shadowheart loves to mess with this). He also says funny gimmicks in his sleep like his "By Algeron's nose!" quite loudly. It does wake camp and will start with others messing with him.
He has a tendency to early to sleep, early to rise, UNLESS he has found himself caught up in a recent hyperfixation where he will be up all night and crash at daybreak. His sleep will be much different and he crashes on his stomach, drooling a lot.
Most common position is one leg straight, the other slightly bent (almost making the 4 pose), hand on either side of his chest, unintentionally touching the orb.
Has a magical alarm set the to same time every morning. He gets up promptly and is a bit peeved by those who seem to "Dilly Dally" (because he says shit like that unironically) in the mornings.
Karlach:
Almost complete opposite of Gale. The girl's got ADHD as canon so IYKYK. If you don't *Let me describe it to you*:
She crashes. Girl can be asleep in under 20 minutes and can do it in almost any conditions. Had to learn to sleep wherever chasing devils in the hells. She rocks out and goes down hard.
Tosses and turns all night. Full on starfish queen. Always starts the morning with "Gods I was so cold last night". Likely because she kicked off all her covers at hour 2.
Sleeps hard. Doesn't wake up for anything. Zariel's entire entourage could show up at 2AM and she would have to be woken up.
She has 2 modes: #1) falls asleep before dinner because she just wanted a "nap", wakes at 4am for a snack and falls back to sleep. #2) She stays up talking until everyone is going to bed, even staying up to talk with whoever is on first watch and finally crashing when the second shift gets up.
It takes her forever to get out of bed. Everyone could be up and nearly ready to go and it takes the smell of food or someone nudging her to get her to start. Even if she does wake up, she takes forever to get ready or even off her bedroll. If the group wants to leave in a timely manner, someone has to get her up early (usually Gale because being late makes him angyyy. Also Lae'zel is very punctual but refuses to wake Karlach because "she needs to learn to do it on her own")
She is super groggy when she gets up. Will not talk to anyone.
Has to hug something: Tav, Clive, a pillow, extra bedroll, Scratch, etc.
Talks in her sleep as well, but hers are unintelligible. Some words like "Heya" or small phrases can be deciphered, but usually its just loud mumbles. (Cannot hold full on conversation like with Gale)
Vivid dreams. Likes to recount them on travels and tries to figure out if they mean something. They are usually very odd and funny. Though, she does have nightmares of the hells more often than she will admit. Has only admitted such to Astarion, who can relate.
Lae'zel:
Irish exits to bed. Tells no one. If everyone is drinking and she just decides she's tired, she goes to bed. Most don't even realize she's gone for a while.
She sleeps like the dead, but will wake up wide awake. She can be woken up by sound in the middle of the night, but she easily goes back to sleep.
Doesn't move an inch after sleeping. Sleeps on her back hands on her stomach like the dead. Sometimes a leg will shift an inch or so.
She has the perfect internal clock. Has to go to bed around the same time and wakes around the same time naturally. Soldier's hours. She was trained at her creche to sleep and wake at exact times - no exceptions.
The first time she ever slept in was after a night of drinking where she went to bed after her internal clock was ignored. She had a full on panic attack and got very angry that no one woke her, despite everyone being hung over and not waking up early too.
Dreams are vivid, but she doesn't talk about them like Karlach.
Stretches before bed in her tent, trains before breakfast every morning.
If it was her way, everyone would be on her schedule. Hates the differentiation between habits. Used to the organization and tries to repeatedly convince the group that it's the only way they should be doing it. They oblige her for two days, then stop. Karlach is the first to quit. Shadowheart secretly likes the idea of organized wake and sleep times, but will never admit it to Lae'zel.
Shadowheart:
Has to have tea before bed. Convinced herself she won't sleep well without it and now she doesn't. When the group has to make quick camp and she has no time to make it, she is annoyed, but won't say anything about it.
Light sleeper. She will sleep a full night, but wakes up several times. Likes to tell the one on watch it's because she wants to check on them, but in reality, she woke up having to pee. Like every night. And because they were likely too loud doing something to keep themselves awake and it woke her up.
She sleeps like a normal person would (is anyone normal? I guess I mean what statically people have a tendency to do...). She tosses a little in REM and then stills. Side sleeper. She also snores when she is really tired, and it can wake herself up. Once Astarion called her out for snoring and she vehemently denied it, but she knew it was likely true. She's really self conscious about it.
Though she loves Tav, she doesn't love sharing a tent. She grew up sharing everything with initiates and having her own space for once is nice. She will snuggle for a few minutes then tell Tav they're a little hot and scoot away. Not even a foot touch. Girl needs her space.
Despite needing space the exceptions to this are Scratch and the Owlbear. She has to have them in her tent. She will bribe then away from other companions because she won't sleep without them. (HC is in her playthrough she romances Halsin and will sleep next to him as a bear, when she can change into her lycanthropic wolf form, she might sleep that way next to him too.)
Wakes up as soon as she hears people about, usually right after Gale and Lae'zel. Hates that Lae'zel likes to be the group alarm clock by using her sharpening stone to wake everyone up. She did try to call Lae'zel out on it, but Lae'zel just shrugged and told her everyone should be up by sunrise anyway. She is secretly thankful even if it's the most annoying noise ever because she would just sleep in if Lae'zel didn't.
Wyll:
He likes to stay up late and wakes up only when breakfast is ready. Not as bad as Karlach.
He is usually the one to take first watch, so he can stay up and read his erotica, take a private bath (he's got a routine), dance alone, train, have a drink, etc. Have "me" time.
He sleeps flipping from back to side several times. If he's really tired, he ends up on his stomach. Heavy mouth breather. Knows he is because he will wake up with dry mouth or drool crust. Very insecure about it. Half of avoiding sex with someone is the sleeping over. He thinks he's a bad sleeper. He's not that bad. One time someone called him out on it, has been embarrassed ever since.
Dreams of falling asleep snuggling with Tav, but in practice, it kind of annoys him and they keep him awake. Used to his own routines.
Has to have water nearby. Will wake up with dry mouth and chug it.
Has dreams, but rarely remembers them.
Won't really talk to anyone until he's had tea, coffee, or food. Gale makes him super annoyed in the mornings because he wants to talk immediately.
Halsin:
Can stay up late and rise early. Will often be found talking to Karlach well into the night.
Has a tent, rarely uses it. Can fall asleep by the fire with people talking nearby or even someone up on watch. Will move his sleep spot to places just outside of camp to get more of a "falls asleep under the stars" feel. Can sleep without a bedroll if he wanted.
Naturally warm (werebear HC all the way), he doesn't often need a blanket, let alone clothes. Will skip clothes when he's outside of camp or in his tent. Wishes the companions were more "open minded" about the benefits of sleeping nude.
When not asleep in camp where he can be seen, will definitely, almost every time, wank off to sleep. It's natural! If he's got Tav, he will respect their no, but will always ask for a romp before bed.
He reveries peacefully, even if he's having "nightmares". No one would know if they looked at him that he was reliving the day his archdruid mentor died. He won't burden anyone with it either.
Big cuddler. Likes cuddling before reverie if Tav is willing. Or even if on of the companions are. Doesn't have to lead to anything, a cuddle is a cuddle.
Wakes with the sun everyday. Stretches and takes a walk within minutes of waking. Sun in the first 10 minutes kind of guy. (He would love Andrew Huberman)
Will want to talk as soon as he wakes up too, to Wyll's chagrin.
Minthara:
Has shit reverie. Super light sleeper most nights, where she can't say she got much sleep. Then once or twice a month she will crash. Will sleep like Karlach and not wake for anything.
DO NOT WAKE HER UP SHE WILL HURT YOU (only verbally if you're lucky, there is a literal knife under her pillow).
Even if she has sleep issues, she insists on an image of "early to sleep, early to rise". She sees herself in a secret camaraderie with Lae'zel. She won't admit she wants Lae'zel to give her approval, but she smiles and nods at her every morning.
Eternal eye bags, but pretends they aren't there. She is gorgeous and she knows it.
Nightmares about her life in Menzoberranzan or memories of the love of her life alive are the regulars on the menu, though after a few months with the companions, she starts having reveries about Karlach in battle... a lot.
Knows she should take a shift of watch and would be the best candidate for it, but won't do it unless someone asks.
Doesn't move in her sleep and if she wakes up, she moves as fast as a spider when you try to catch it. So, once again: DO NOT WAKE HER UP.
Doesn't talk to anyone until everyone has eaten, even if she is wide awake. She hates talking to people in the morning, unless you're Tav... or Karlach (but as previously mentioned, Karlach doesn't wake until breakfast and doesn't talk until breakfast, so it's her dreams come true.)
Astarion:
Left him for last becasue talking about the causes of CPTSD on sleep can be heartbreaking and complicated. I'm thankful I don't often relive memories in my dreams, but I know many who do. And he sure does.
He has broken reverie, not just shit reverie like Minthara. Minthy still reveries. He dreams/reveries together. He can't tell what is a memory and what is a dream anymore. His memories have been so rewritten, he doesn't believe he actually remembers anything properly, let alone his life before Cazador. He considers anything that comes up from back then to be a fantasy his mind made up.
It takes him forever to fall asleep and he wakes up easily. He is getting only a few hours each night. Spends a lot of time staring up at the tent ceiling or secretly watching the first watch until his turn at second. Is very often on either first or second watch.
Knows a lot about how the rest of the companions sleep. You can just assume he took these notes that I'm now recording for you.
He has no real sleep routine because he thinks they don't work and is frustrated by them even though Gale insists he keep trying.
Even when he's tired, exhausted, body ready to pass out, his mind is awake. He will still just lay there. Chronic insomnia.
When he has Tav's blood for the first time, it is the first time he has a full night reverie in centuries. It's not even scary memories, but rather sad mundane ones (would be sad and traumatic to anyone else, but traumatic for him is much more intense obvs).
By canon will have severe nightmares when too hungry.
Usually has to hunt before bed if Tav (or another companion) doesn't give him blood (HC is that Halsin is one of the only other willing to share). Gets excess anxiety out, but also feeding helps him get at least to sleep, eventually. Nights he doesn't he pulls all nighters or ends up having very short, nightmare induced reveries.
If Tav sleeps next to him, he sleeps a tad bit better, but is extremely nervous his insomnia will keep them up. First few times lies there just listening to them sleep.
Will pretend to "wake up" after others have gotten up, but has been up for hours already. Is the actual first one up even if no one else knows. Often takes a walk in the early light (Has seen Halsin sleeping butt naked and has considered waking the bear with a special "treat"). But usually uses the time to feel the sun on his skin and wade in the river alone.
Thank you for enjoying my very detailed mindless imaginings.
#bg3 companions#minthara baenre#halsin#karlach#astarion#gale dekarios#laezel#wyll ravengard#shadowheart#insomniac thoughts#cptsd#I love these guys#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 headcanons
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I got tagged in an ask regarding what happened in the fandom during kinktober and I've been trying to figure out how to address the questions I've been getting for the last few weeks and I'm just gonna rip the bandaid off and give yall my thoughts
To be completely and utterly honest, I really don't care anymore about anything related to fandom meta especially racism in fandom and I probably won’t ever talk about it again on this blog.
I think I've said enough and given others a platform to share how they felt about feeling otherized within the community and that’s enough for me.
I love, and will always love discussing diversity and social issues in media/literature as it’s literally my career and academic focus, but to be frank, I don’t think this is the appropriate platform for me to continue to ‘educate’ or speak my thoughts about the subject considering the racial majority of the call of duty fandom.
That’s not me being shady or saying I have an issue with white people, it’s just an acknowledgement that for many people the subject of racial hierarchies and prejudice showing up in fanfiction is brand new and requires a lot of information to truly understand (and a willingness to be uncomfortable).
Providing resources and even calling things out takes a lot of emotional energy and patience that I’ve personally lost since the results of the election.
It also leaves not only me, but everyone who looks like me, open to harassment and abuse from people who are scared to confront the issues in their favorite hobbies and fics.
In short, I’m apathetic and I really don’t give a fuck what goes on here and I barely care about these characters anymore because of the experiences I’ve had or witnessed in the last six months. So going forward please don’t get offended if I ignore fandom issues or refuse to speak on a topic.
This isn’t drama to me it’s my life and I’m not Rosa parks or a representative of black or poc people so I’m opting out of any future conversations for the time being. Thank yall for understanding and I apologize if this feels callous, I just truly want to prioritize my own happiness :(
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Quick question one fan to another. Do you think Phillip knew he was related to Eda & Lilith? And would have knowing about his family made any difference or was he just too far gone?
genuinely? hard to tell
i mean dana claims "Some people do know"
and philip COULD of been one of them, and you could say that's a factor in why eda and lilith are targeted the way they were
but on another hand, you can also kinda sum that up as a result of remembering lilith from his past and therefore disliking her from that, and eda herself being the prime example of rebellion against his authority
there's nothing in the show that concretely proves he knew
especially since a lot of it relies on knowing about what happened with caleb and evelyn, which once again, is left with a lot of wiggle room
like we don't even know if philip actually knew evelyn's last name at all, or if he knew of her or about her long enough for that
when that stuff is all pretty vauge it's just yeahhhhh
if we are to assume Philip knew evelyn was pregnant he would have to be AWARE caleb has witch decedents probably, but he wasn't in power till 50 years ago, so i don't also see how he could keep an eye on caleb's entire family line either for 400 years
also also, maybe philip went after evelyn and said kid, maybe he just...gave up after caleb died and moved onto other things (It's still not even clear how evelyn got his door after all, if we are to assume it's evelyn's doing, because the door appears to be post caleb death)
(Look, i've been over this a few times, this timeline kinda doesn't really make sense, i'm kinda not convinced the crew planned out a proper timeline of events for the wittebanes because there are things that currently kinda don't make sense)
yeah idk, it's kinda left more up to your interpretation, like if you see belos as knowing nothing really proves you wrong
but yeah, nothing proves it right either, philip had plenty of other established reasons to single out lilith and eda outside of that concept.
i don't think it would of made any difference nonetheless, like maybe if philip saw his niece/nephew as more human then witch there could of been a dynamic of him thinking he could "Fix" them, but on another hand philip is shown to not trust anything and anyone who isn't a human like him.
The guy is very much been brainwashed by how he grew up to believe everything he doesn't understand is trying to manipulate him and hurt him, and i don't think any family he may have in the clawthornes would make him see witches differently
honestly i wouldn't be shocked if in his mind, evelyn and caleb having a kid to him is like a demon stealing someone he held dear to use for offspring because of how deluded he is about this stuff
granted, that also depends heavily on how you think philip assumes about the situation, him believing caleb was under a spell and him believing Caleb did everything of his own will have DRASTICLY different implications about why he did what he did.
so yeah, if you're to ask me this is all more of the same "This is kinda supported by canon but is also kinda not" stuff that is kinda all over the wittebane backstory in general
if we ever get that wittebane backstory, they have a lot of clear up here because there's a lot left to interpretation and it's kinda why people have very drastically different opinions on how aspects of this character were handled.
guy should of been destroyed at the end no matter what of course, but
people seeing him as a more tragic unredeemable villian doomed from the beginning due to growing up in extremism as a child and no guidance to pull him out of it so he just got worse and worse, and people who see him as just an asshole who never cared about his brother and was perfectly capable of getting out of his brainwashing is very much a result of leaving a lot of this stuff kinda up to interpretation
#lotta people def say there is a “Right” way to interpret belos and i don't agree#there's a lot of layers going on here to why he's this messed up and some of those layers are blurry and not answered#he may of killed caleb but was it because he knew caleb left him for a witch? did he thinking killing caleb would save him from evelyn?#did he kill caleb more on accident because caleb got in the way of an attack on evelyn?#it's incredibly unclear if philip thinks caleb's actions where his own or he thinks he was corrupted by evelyn and under her control#he's awful nonetheless of course but everyone has different ideas of his motivations because all of this is kinda vauge#trust me when i say knowing which of these are true as well as other stuff like it makes a huge difference in how you view him as a villian#you could both say he made hunter because he wanted a replacement caleb and both say he only made them to punish caleb somehow#and the show supports both#the owl house#toh#emperor belos#philip wittebane#it's stuff like that man#caleb wittebane#evelyn clawthorne
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i’m having illario dellamorte thoughts. what if instead of knowingly betraying lucanis he did it like, unknowingly. idk how this would work but i’m intrigued by what it gives us. illario ‘i accidentally caused my cousin’s death & can never tell anyone’ dellamorte. genuinely grieving. blaming himself. does he take advantage of the year before lucanis comes back?? does caterina still ignore him the whole time?? how different is the canon plotline once rook shows up with lucanis post-rescue…..
anyways i would love your thoughts!!
95% of what i do with illario operates on the idea that he is frighteningly competent so you can see why the way the crows plotline plays out in the game might frustrate me. it’s also this reason why i don’t actually think too much about “illario got lucanis killed, but didn’t mean to do it”, because i like the idea that everything illario does in his life is planned to the second and that he’s too well trained to mess up this badly, if that makes sense. with that being said. 5% of my brain power does sometimes go towards “and what if he just sucked actually” and it was a theory i enjoyed before the game even released. so i have in fact been thinking about this anyway LOL . maybe he tries to honeypot zara, accidentally actually reveals lucanis’ next assassination job, and zara gets rid of him as a ‘gift’. illario is horrified and that gets even worse when lucanis’ body shows up, and he assumes this must be because he spurned zara by leaving her and not having the guts to seize power.
i think we could make his inferiority complex worse. illario’s worst fear confirmed: he is as worthless as his grandmother believes he is, botching something so badly that he accidentally sentences his cousin to death when what he wanted was lucanis just… out of the way for a bit (maybe while he kills caterina. LOL. i still think his resentment of caterina trumps his jealousy for lucanis though those two things are very intertwined its hard for him to differentiate them). so incapable that he got the only person who actually supports him killed, and now he’s dreading the idea of becoming first talon. he doesn’t want first talon without lucanis backing him, and now the only person left is caterina which is suffocating and makes him even unhappier. at least he hadn’t lived through her alone, and now through consequences of his own decisions, illario has no choice but to.
i think that would affect his plans for talon because of how horribly he’d fucked up, and tries to mask it because if he suddenly actually doesn’t want to be talon that would be a red flag for everyone. lucanis coming back would delight him (talon is within his sights again if lucanis comes back!) and freak him out. i think the plotline would actually be pretty similar because of this freak out, so he still shows up to zara’s fight to cover his tracks. lucanis can never know, caterina can never know, because what little faith they have in him will be lost. like he committed fratricide and didn’t even MEAN to😭 ...corpse whispering still happens, and zara is like “ohhh that coward. he can never finish what he started, can he?” + “elaborate.” + “i gave him what he most wanted in the world and instead of being grateful, he ran away.” so lucanis finds out about what happened but feels a mix of “illario, you idiot” + pity because turns out he didn’t even mean for it to happen, and keeps his secret for now, otherwise he’d probably have to kill him.
i also think not meaning to kill lucanis would sour his feelings towards the venatori, who are a reminder of how badly he failed, so the alliance wouldn’t happen. this does mean if the story goes on as it does in canon, he has to take desperate measures another way and kidnap caterina for some other reason but i can’t think of why….. maybe a thing where illario is like “ok. lucanis is distracted by the elven gods. this time i just have to kill nonna for real and then nothing is in my way” and recruits disgraced houses or houses that don’t like caterina to do so? not sure tbh but i don’t believe caterina made it so far without making enemies lol. this would happen post bloodbath + corpse whispering— lucanis leaves his cousin unchecked because while he knows illario didn’t mean for him to die, he has no idea how far he would go to have caterina dead. teia could find out about this and send word to foil the kidnapping and assassination attempt
so ‘murder of crows’ is still about saving caterina, the illario-lucanis fight still happens, but it’s a little more hesitant and lots of “why won’t you just let me kill her? i’m doing this for the both of us”. he’s had to live with being the un-favorite, but never would have thought lucanis would actually pick caterina if it came down to it. with all of his missteps here, i think the final decision (and i think it should be like this in canon anyway) would be to imprison illario or kill him. imprisoning him is just a lot of “i can’t kill illario as much as he couldn’t kill me”, vs killing him as is expected from him as talon, and what he knew he would have to do after finding out about illario's failures. unlike canon, where illario is actually meaning to kill him and can be seen as a 'good crow' despite the sloppiness, here he's like. just bad at everything. the allied traitor houses that went against caterina would also have to be imprisoned or killed. no happy ending at all here, and lucanis still becomes first talon. now that i’ve written it out this is actually probably the worst ending LOL
the above sticks a lot to what is canon to the game (plot points, choices, etc) and i didn’t go very far away from it so it's like canon 3 inches to the left. tho my thoughts on this are not fleshed out* because i think illario works better as an antagonist character that sets things in motion !! not necessarily the villain in a cain-abel story, but a character who opposes lucanis while still not wanting to hurt him. that kind of discipline where he finds a way to get what he wants (first talon) without compromising what he also cares for (family) is so much more fun for me than a man who apparently just loses it and decides to enact a bad plan to get rid of his cousin. if he waited 20+ years to become talon i think he’d be more careful when it came down to it. if i had my way illario would be playing insane 5d chess to rival solas (insert black sails “i once thought that to lead, to be liked was just as good as feared. and that may very well be true. but to be both liked and feared all at once, is an entirely different state of being.”)
#*my thoughts are ‘not fleshed out’ but i still wrote all this. LOL#i nearly answered this ask with the companion-illario au from my mind because i think vg needed a companion that lies to you LOL#but thats less 'illario didnt mean to do it' and more 'oh illario did it and just feels so guilty he goes on a one man crusade#against the venatori because he needs an outlet and both of them are known as magekillers'#he would have lied for most of the game about how lucanis got kidnapped/'killed' and resolves it by saving lucanis + confessing his guilt#this au had elements of 'it was an accident' but i kept flip flopping between if i wanted that or not lol#because . idk. i like when he purposefully does all this and then regrets it. my walking contradiction (slash i want him)#illario guilt inferiority and jealousy you all mean so much to me#but yeah. last point relates to the envyllario rewrite also from my mind#the idea of like. that caution vanishing because of the envy demon is quite fun for me#so spite makes lucanis a victim to his own anger and sense of justice#while envy refuses to let illario maintain his veneer of charm and forces him to act rashly despite his planning#ok. i have to stop talking. thank u anon for this because i am always looking for an excuse to chat shit#prompt me at any point to speak about illario and i honest to god will just be sat here thinking#actually it was pretty bad a few days ago when i was thinking about ways it could go for him in my aus and drawing a blank#and had the very clear thought 'i NEED to put my thinking cap on' which was . a bit humiliating#illario dellamorte#long post#answered#anonymous
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Boy oh boy i really hope my toucb starved charles ask went through
oh i assure you friend the ask went through this time 🔍..
#nsft#i guess LMAO#i dont think tumblr ate the ask last time because sex was mentioned i think it was just . Misfortune#tumblr eats whatever it wants whenever it wants vjELLK but anyway#snap chats#but thank you for your time and your thoughts! definitely not what i was expecting#i think the most i can add is that- while ik this is about dofp charles specifically- early-comic charles as far as i know#had been pretty vocal about lamenting his circumstances- just in general not specifically related to This#so definitely not out of the ballpark of whats been written here with charles specifically#dofp charles had a lot going on for him like there really was no point worse to leave him off#to end on a lighter note. charles' disability definitely didnt totally stop him from getting with others. definitely did not.#im p sure amelia and lilandra were the only gals he got with post-disability but i could be wrong but still .... go off king ..#we know of his self doubt and insecurities so yk what go at it grandpa ...
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Eichi gives away the mask so easily because it was never meant to be an "engagement ring" like you delulu wataeis imagined it to be lmao. It was wataru saying that he will continue playing tsumugi clown role in fine and won't leave it for hokuto's mother troupe after graduation. Do you dumb fucks even read the stories? Eichi didn't even understand tf that mask meant when wataru gave it to him and wataru referenced fucking tsumugi in his "proporsal". I dunno why the f you think it's ok to lie about "! EnDiNG wItH wAtAeI EnGaGeMEnT" when the chapter it happened wasn't even close to the end of ep:link. Cope
PS: how do you live with the fact that Eichi clearly admitted to never being in love in his life and Wataru said that even though Eichi likes him, he still can easily discard him for the sake of his objectives?
I love you anon thank you for giving me a nice reason to ramble again beautiful ask 10/10 I'm sorry this is probably not how you hoped this would go but this is such a funny block of text delightful really thank you for the enrichment please marry me
But okay yes now to get down to the actual ask just to disclaim I am solely relying on translations seeing as I do not speak japanese well enough to understant the original text so if anyone has anything to add to this or to correct me on please feel free to do so.
Now to get started I'm not sure if one could say Eichi gave away the mask "So easily" seeing as he claimed that it was "a hard choice to make"? Which, as one might know, implies unease with an idea and pondering and debating and a general amount of thinking behind a decision so? I know this isn't really the main focus of this ask but I'm just a tad miffed with the semantics of it is all. And in either case giving the mask back to Wataru while expecting it back still shows a certain degree of trust in their relationship it wouldn't have been such a big deal for him (as it apparently was) if the mask didn't have a lot of sentimental value to him (the both of them really if we look at the whole exchange).
Now to the claim that the mask was "only" Watarus promise to stay with fine and "continue playing Tsumugis clown role". This is not entirely incorrect. Regarding the acting troupe and staying with fine bit at least.
I'm assuming this bit in EP:Link Deadend/7 is what you are referencing, and I see where you're coming from. But the bluebird line
from literally three dialogue lines further down, which references this line of dialogue (notorious Eichi line everyone should be familiar with)
kind of somewhat really recontextualises that? Because you see this is a reference to a fairytale about a pair of siblings and they get sent out by a nice fairy to find the bluebird of happiness for her sad daughter to make her happy again so they both go on an adventure and travel far and search and search but they can not find the bluebird of happiness and then when they return home again, disappointed because they couldn't find the blue bird, they realise only one night has actually passed and the journey was probably just a dream. But then their eyes fall upon their pet dove in it's cage which appears blue all of a sudden and so they gift it to the fairies sad daughter which becomes happy again and sets the bird free. The real bluebird of happiness is a dove. At least in the version of the story I'm familiar with but I mean everyone sees the symbolism right? It's. very hard to miss.
And then dropping this?
I'm not sure how to say this properly but in the overall context this makes it pretty clear that Tsumugi has nothing to do with this anymore this is Fully between Wataru and Eichi. And I am the last person to dismiss Tsumugis significance in the course of Wataeis relationship as characters I will be among the first to protest when someone dismisses the importance of Tsumugis and Eichis relationship in favour of some image they have of Wataei but he has nothing to do with this one.
Yes Tsumugi gets namedropped but - again - I don't really see how that would lessen the sentiment Wataru is triying to convey here? Because. Yes. Why wouldn't he mention Tsumugi?
The entire conversation pretty much boils down to "Yes I was initially only in this because I thought I could replace Tsumugis role in your life and then I wanted to leave but we have spent so much time together that I realised that that is definitely not working out because I really do love you. I love you as a teammate; I love you as a friend; I love you as a person and I am very angry at myself for not managing to get that into your head. So please allow me to stay with you for as long as you'll have me." And then also Eichi not understanding because he has the emotional self awareness of a very emotionally unaware loaf of bread and also because he hates himself that is a very big thing about his character huge part of his character arc actually that he. you know? Hates himself? And feels guitly for his actions during the war? And doesn't think he deserves love and companionship? Which is why Wataru wanting to stay with him for him and not for some twisted form of revenge is such an alien concept to him? Because he is projecting his insecurities onto Wataru? As one is wont to do when they hate themself? "EiChi Didn'T eVen UnDErStanD WhAt tf ThAT Mask MEAnt" Yeah. That's. That's the point? So he can think about it and come to that conclusion himself which works as a keymoment in his characters journey from hating life and himself to enjoying being alive and wanting to live on because of the people he's surrounded with? He literally explains why he didn't immediately understand the mask during the EP:Link Epilogue/4
And to get back to the "I dunno why the f you think it's ok to lie about "! EnDiNG wItH wAtAeI EnGaGeMEnT" about which I have two things to say:
"Lying" implies further intent and an effort. Neither of which exist in this case.
He literally went down on one knee while making a big proclamation of offering himself to Eichi with a very personal item that works as a symbol for their commitment to each other on a starlit rooftop. The comparison writes itself.
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke
And then I expected there to be a proper reason given and instead you proceed to follow that up with "when the chapter it happened wasn't even close to the end of ep:link". I know the shame is on me for expecting something sensical from an ask which has been near constant in it's lack of correct statements but such is human nature I suppose. And you are not wrong. Deadend/7 isn't very close to the end of EP:Link. That is true.
But do you know what Is very close to the end of EP:Link? The Epilogue Chapters 3-5.
Do you know what the content of those chapters is? I do. Very well actually :)
(Eichi literally explains why he didn't get it)
So if this answers your "Do you dumb fucks even read the stories?" questions, Yes. And I think I'm a lot better at it than you. So I'd say I'm coping quite well over here :p
PS: Regarding your PS, I take the "I've never been in love before so I wouldn't know" comment with a lot of humour actually as an aroace person who's emotional self awareness also ends at "good" and "Not good" I think it's very funny all things considered especially because he mentioned the loving Wataru thing several times before that and I'm generally of the belief that actions speak louder than words and also am in a happy long term relationship with the concept of "Reading Subtext". So please excuse me for not breaking down in tears everytime someone reminds me of that one singuar line of text in one of my favourite all time enstars stories that came out three years ago which also brought us the single best card set in the entire game
as well as absolute banger dialogue such as
Among others <33
And there are soooooo many other examples of wataei dialogue that simply make me swoon but I have already had to take out so many of the one's I wish I could put here so this wouldn't get "Do you love the colour of the sky" long
And also, regarding your "Wataru said that even though Eichi likes him, he still can easily discard him for the sake of his objectives" I'll just say that no he absolutely could not. I mean he'd say that and if pull comes to shove and he has no other option then he might seriously consider it but may I mention that Wataru was gone for a few days at most but really not that long of a time during Sanctuary and Eichi stopped considering being a normal rational person that doesn't leave helpless 17 year olds in the midst of a construction site. Very different situation but I feel like it's worth mentioninh here. Another example is Eichis almost not being able to go through with the war because of Wataru. Wataru had to actively come and tell Eichi to go through with it. Wataru isn't the reason Eichi started the war, that is wrong, but he is the reason Eichi almost didn't finish it. and during the war era that was his Main objective. Again I'm part of the fraction "actions speak louder than words" Show don't tell and all that, but even the words are pushing it.
And that concludes my essay :)
#I so won this#there were so many pictures and quotes I wanted to include but the limit..... :'(#if any of you were wondering I am still as insane about them as I ever was#thank you anon really genuinely and fully this has been a blast#if anyone reads the whole thing....mwah let's run off into the ocean together#or something like that idk but it is appreciated#they are my everything they really are#I'm very enamoured with the ''Cope''#Cope with what? I have nothing to cope with? well nothing wataei related at least#or the ''How do you live with the fact'' yadda yadda#How am I supposed to live with it it's funny i think it's very funny#You really trust what enstars characters say and take it at face value without examining the subtext further? amateur mistake#it's so passionate too anon i admire you#imagine disliking something so intensely you sent a very wordy ask to someone because of a silly post they made#I wish I had that much vigor in me#I mean i'd be too polite to even if I did but still it has somehting admireable to it#thanks to you i got to reread some of my favourite wataei interactions so now I think the last three hours were three hours well spent :)#genuinely thank you for the enrichment#I hope youll have a nice day we might not see eye to eye on this and I'm also objectively better at reading these stories and understanding#the characters but I still hope you'll have a nice day#as good karma or something#I'm currently still on that dopamine high from writing this i think it's obvious#best mood I've been in in ages I love talking about wataei#okay good I'll conclude the tags I've already stretched this post out so far i might as well spare the poor tag reader#but then again if you have read the post this far what's a few more tags to you#I really like the fact that the real bluebird is a dove it's soooooooo#it's good it's really good in the overall context#wataei#eichi tenshouin#hibiki wataru
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not-yet-dead-person
silly comic of a conversation in-game i thought was too funny not to make something proper for instead of a doodle ww
(timelapse + wip images (thus silly process commentary in read more if you like artist commentary :3)
i think the sketch looks silly and goofy and funny so i find it important to share with you the mere presence of the faces i drew on it. i drew it on top of the boxes without staying inside its borders because i find my proportions can get wonky if i draw them cropped in a restricted space. and I feel trapped otherwise and i will draw BAD!!! give me spaceeeee to go wild!!!!
the head circles are there for emotional support
very low res speedpaint because truth is the canvas was much bigger than the space where my comic was placed. i didnt account when exporting my timelapse in 720px that that tiny space would look so pixelated ... but it's able to be percieved, so its okay.
(i will now comment on my process and it is not brief sorry)
usually i would try to clean up my sketches and figure out what goes on top before jumping into linework, but since there are multiple panels and drawings i chose to jump into inking right away for the sake of brevity. i just went in with a brush that uses pen pressure and drew what was needed. i added extra line thickness and contrast in areas around the face because it helps direct your eyes there more easily that way.
according to her equipment rei has a chain belt but i only remembered it existed once I was going to color, and i did not like that discovery... I chose to ignore it to maintain my peace. i already have the color palettes for these characters figured out, and i didnt really want to think about a new element at the moment www I tend to overthink those things a lot so i skipped it
the rest is rather straightforward! not that anything else wasn't, but in here i could turn my brain off and sing. linework and sketching require mumbling so i cannot turn my brain off. just block in the characters with a solid color so i can have a mask (something along those lines,) where the color can stay inside. then just color in !!!
Base colors just had slight cell shading on the skin, and for the hair i airbrush a bit of the skincolor in low opacity near the forehead... I'm not sure what it means, but i can look at the faces easier with it somehow. i like the gentle subtlety it adds even if you cant really tell. it makes things look nice.
background was just me blocking in the color of the wall and floor, shade the wall a bit, then slap a noise and free use wood texture on top. work smarter not harder ! yet it took a bit to make it look stylistically fitting with the characters, and even now i think bottom middle panel looks odd. whatever!!!
for the middle panel i thought itd be funny if the background was a solid silly and colorful one to contrast the next panel's sketchy black one. a contrast to how the word widow is seen. on that note my handwritting is not pointy. i gaslighted my hand into thinking that it was indeed pointy in that moment so i could write "not-yet dead person" in letters that didn't seem cute. my hand did not fall for it but it complied anyway
that's basically it! I'm not sure what else i could say that doesn't feel barebones because it really is that straightforward. if you're curious I used clip studio paint for this. only special brush used was for linework (a brush named Lemon Brush), the rest used were just the default. my computer gets the least credit. it was trying to convince me a 20mb file was going to nuke it all the time and hardly let me save multiple times so i do not appreciate it
#re:kinder#fanart#sayaka re:kinder#rei re:kinder#OH I ALREADY RAMBLED IN MY POST WHATEVER SHOULD I TALK ABOUT NOW IN MY TAGS UEEEEEEE😭😭😭#oh yeah do you want to know a fun fact about this drawing#i started it yesterday. i wasnt meant to I DID NOT HAVE PERMISSION...FROM MYSELF... i was meant to be on break#i self imposed a one week break from doing any rekinder related project after the transcript to avoid accidental burn out#NOT THAT I GOT TIRED OF IT AFTER THAT TRANSCRIPT NOT AT ALL#but jumping straight into more hours of creativr work after over 30 hours of it is asking for disaster. it is asking for burn out#yesterday was the last day . 12 hours were left but i was going to die if i didnt draw anything it would have been OVER#(aka my period started recently so i got very gloomy and depressed so i needed to run to my favorite stress relief...drawing rekinder☺️)#(on that note seriously what the fuck please explain the evolutionary advantage to getting horribly depressed every month)#(like hello?!?! rant real quick— i get enough flashbacks everyday i DONT need them to last longer and have me more msierable ?!?!?)#(periods are so dangerous to my mental health for no reason can i get a restriction order on them or some shit what the fuck)#(anyway thats enough of that break of character DONEEEE :3333)#SO YEAH I DIDNT EVEN LAST 7 WHOLE DAYS i even played a new game in between those 6 days youd think itd het my mind of rekinder. WRONNNNGGG#not even another devastating rpg horror gamr could divert my attention for long i hsd to draw rekinder😊#using the newfound power of mt transcript i was decided on drawing rei because i dont draw her enough for how high she is on my fvaorites#i was initially doodling random lines but then i stumbled upon this interactkon and it doesnt really fit into my usual expression sheets#so i thought hey lets do it asife#i thumbnailrd it and from there i was like hey lets do it in comic format isntead of separated messy doodles in tint canvas#and the rest is hisotry .... aka i spent the last two days doing this instead of doing MY HOMEWORK!!!!!#on my defense when i wasnt drawing i was horribly depressed i had no other choice#(seriously fuck off periods WHAT what do you mean i need to be distracted 24/7 to not be struck by crippling meltdowns LEAVE ME ALONE?!?!?)#(they should be banned we as a society should find like a . cure to them it dont do me good to have a whole week where i cant function)#these tags have been more of a weird rant im sorry IVE BEEN FEELING PEEEVEDDD LATELY SO YOU GET. STRANGE DROTTER LORE ????
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Is that character gay? *points at Mine*
Allegedly.
#snap chats#depends on what day you check the wiki. schrodinger's homosexual#i couldnt FATHOM showing mine to my mom i know she'd be so annoying 😭😭😭#actually i cant even imagine what'd happen. 'is he gay' 'yeah' 'oh-' LIKE WHAT. WHAT NOW MOTHER WHAT HAVE YOU SAY TO THAT#like i think my mom asks that so much as a cope for my existence when i dont even like men mom As Per Usual mother you got it wrong#she's so weird because her. 'best work friend(? boss?)' is gay so she doesnt care about gay people she just doesnt like. me LMAO#but my moms selective hating aside i do wish i could show her characters i like#not because i want to bond with her but because it always seems funny when everyone else does it with their parents#but id just be too embarrassed ... or i can just imagine her saying like. every other chara is scary lookin. or ugly. liek my grandma did 💀#my sisters keep telling me to show her daigo since they think he looks like our dad and im always tempted to#god wait that just reminds me how when i did a daigo cosplay last year my dad saw me and he was like 'you're like a mini me :)'#like .... cmon dawg youre not helping LCKAEJLKCJAE love him. hope to see him again soon <- literally just saw him#wait while im rambling my dad came over and our 'uncle' (no actual relation just dad's friend) gave us. 12 fucking bottles of wine#when no one in this house drinks enough to warrant TWELVE BOTTLES ?? so funny. at least my sis and her husband drink#and i have one (1) friend who drinks LOL so thats cute. do i have any other unnecessary lore bits to drop before i disappear for a week#our ac broke and its been hot as balls. yeah thats it thats the end of it see you guys next week
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Well I haven’t made one of these in a while, but it seems like we’re back to it
*sigh* okay, so basically, here’s what’s going on with my life right now
So I finished up my current semester of college this week. I was on academic probation this semester due to my poor grades the semester before, and to fix this, I needed to: get my GPA up above a 2.0 once more, take a mandatory workshop during the semester, and have at least one meeting with my academic advisor throughout the semester. Once I did all that, or at least finished all the meetings, I would have my hold of my account removed and I could register for my next semester’s classes
But here’s the thing. I did the first two, I’ve gotten pretty good grades this semester, As and Bs in my classes (even if grades aren’t finalized yet, I highly doubt that it’ll change from that from when I saw them before finals). But I never met with my academic advisor throughout the entire semester. So I still have that hold on my account. And the semester’s over, so I don’t know what that means for me going forward
I tried looking for what would happen if I miss those meetings, and right now I’m not sure, but what I do know is “failure to meet the requirements of academic probation can result in suspension or dismissal from the university”. And so now I’m terrified that because I missed those meetings, I won’t be able to return next semester
But specifically what makes it so bad is that I had fully intended to come back next semester, I was not preparing for not being able to go back this semester. And worst of all, I told my parents that I had everything sorted out for next semester when they picked me up a couple days ago, I just had a hold on my registration because I hadn’t met with my advisor yet. Which isn’t untrue, but what I failed to mention to them is that I was supposed to do these meetings during the semester, not after, and that I was required to do them. So if I were to tell them the truth, they’d know I’d have lied to them
I know for a fact that the worst thing I do in their eyes is when I have a problem, but then I hide it from them and lie to them about it, saying everything’s fine when it isn’t, and only revealing the truth at the last second, meaning they have to scramble to try and get everything fixed. This is literally the main problem I had with them the last semester and two, and why my last couple days of summer felt horrible because I hadn’t applied for my loan this last semester yet and I had found out that day when they asked that the place I had been getting loans from was no longer doing them
It was supposed to be different this semester, I was supposed to not fuck it up. And yet I’m doing the same thing I did before, I haven’t learned my lesson at all. And when they find out, they won’t let me go back, I’m sure of it. They didn’t really want me going back to college this semester either, because of all that had happened prior, so this new wrench in everything might just be what makes them fully say I’m not going back
And by the way, not a lot of this is hyperbole, at least not that last paragraph. A number of these things they did say to me. They’ve said verbatim that the problem is that I lie and hide things, and that I do it over and over again. I’m not just making stuff up, I know it’s what they’d say because they have before
I want to go back, I like it there. My best friend goes there, and quite frankly, I feel like I need her in my life more than anyone else. And I may not talk to a lot of people, at least not as much as I should, but I enjoy being around other people and at least getting the chance to talk to them. I like taking walks around campus, I like being able to go to the store and buy whatever I want whenever I want. I like being a person here and not stuck in my room, stuck with the same three people and basically only doing things when I’m told I have to. I just can’t take online school, I go mad now staying 4 months here in the summer
And what makes it even worse is that this whole situation was so avoidable. It really would have been no problem to just schedule appointments with my advisor, it would be so easy. The other things were probably the more difficult things to accomplish in all honesty. But I genuinely forgot about them until Thanksgiving, and I just couldn’t be bothered after that, because the entire semester whenever I did remember it, I thought, “I’ll have time to make that appointment eventually”, up until now when I don’t. It’s all my fault this is happening because I was so lazy I never bothered to do it. There’s no one to blame but myself for all this
I sent an e-mail to the account I think I’m supposed to send it to about my probation, explaining the issue of missing my meetings. They don’t respond on weekends, so I have to wait until Monday to get a response because I sent that email at 11 PM on Friday. So I’ve at least started to work it out
And a part of me recognizes that maybe I’m just overblowing things in my head; again, this was probably the least important thing I needed to do, especially since we were supposed to meet with our advisors to work on improving our grades, and I’ve done that all on my own this semester. So maybe it really won’t be that bad, and everything will work out
But I’m terrified it won’t, that I’ll have thrown everything down the drain for something so small, and that I’ll be found out and have to deal with last summer all over again. It was supposed to be different this break, I could finally rest from everything, and literally my own mistakes have brought it all down
I feel like it’s been eating me alive these past two days, especially at night when my brain thinks more about it. But I can’t tell anyone, since my brother won’t really understand, and I’ve already listed why I can’t tell my parents. And it just makes it worse, because I have to be alone in this lie. There’s no one to tell, to assure me things will be fine, there’s only me. Which is probably why I’m posting it here, at least you people aren’t part of my real life to make me feel worse
I don’t know if I can keep it up for another day or two. My dad hasn’t come and asked me about the situation today, but I feel like he will tomorrow, especially if we go out tomorrow, which I assume will happen since we didn’t today. And by the way, I’m a pretty bad liar and I crack under pressure, so “keeping it up” means literally avoiding my parents whenever possible. I have the trick of staying under my blanket when they come over to my door, because I’ve somehow confused them into believing I was asleep/taking a nap, but I won’t always be listening in and prepared to use it at a moment’s notice, they can creep up on me. Or again, if we go out, it will be something my dad asks about. My parents don’t really like to ask me about normal non school/stress related things unless they think I’m in the clear. Which at this point is less frequent and they already have something to question me on. And I know I’ll just bury myself further and get them more mad if things don’t work out, but I can’t take them being mad at me either and causing them more problems, especially since I’ve already been lying about the situation, just not as much as I would be if I lie tomorrow as well
Why did I have to do this, why do I have to be such a horrible person? Why couldn’t I have just done this before, there would be no problem otherwise
#and to add yet another thing I didn’t get anyone Christmas presents yet either#I mean I got my brother one thing that he asked me for but it was also like $5 and something you could buy any day#and I have an income now and was planning on buying them things#but I didn’t so yet more salt in the wound from me#especially since I can’t drive to go out and get things myself#I know it’s not really related to everything else I mentioned above#but it’s more of me being a horrible lazy person and just causing problems by my inaction#especially when I had time I was just too lazy to do it#why do I have to be so horrible?#real life stuff#school stuff#long post#I guess?#I don’t remember what I used to tag these anymore#it’s funny because a couple weeks ago I was thinking about how I hadn’t made one of these in a long time#and how I haven’t cried myself to sleep this semester unlike the last two semesters and breaks#I haven’t done the latter yet but here I am doing the former#*sigh*
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thinking just a bit too hard about how the added depth given to tifa and aerith's friendship only increases the weight threatening to crush tifa after the forgotten capital, she already had so much to carry on her weary shoulders, she's going to have to carry even more when mideel happens, and it doesn't even stop after meteorfall, ohg od oh i love her so much i
#(sobbing and crying and snotting everywhere) AERITH GAVE HER SOMEONE TO CONFIDE IN ON SUCH A TUMULTUOUS JOURNEY#SOMEONE SHE COULD BE AS CLOSE TO FULLY RELAXED AS POSSIBLE#SOMEONE TO GOSSIP WITH OR SHARE HER CONCERNS OR JUST. BE A NORMAL GIRL WITH#YUFFIE'S THERE BUT SHE'S JUST A KID AND TIFA WOULD NEVER WANT TO HARM THE AIR OF CAREFREE CHILDISHNESS SHE MANAGES TO MAINTAIN EVEN IF#ITS BECAUSE YUFFIE IS HIDING THINGS THAT ARE CRUSHING HER#but poor tifa . gentle tifa. is now left to regret. to blame herself.#she has barret who acts like a father figure to her sure - but despite how much she cares about him and values her frienship with him#he's not aerith. he's not someone she can just gossip about first loves with. not someone she can fully Relate to. if you get what i mean#she is left to trace back the thread of how poor aerith got caught in this mess#she was the one to ask aerith to save marlene. but how did they get there? aerith refused to let cloud be a bystander in wall market#how did that happen? she made a risky choice that put her in a position where their paths crossed. why? because cloud was briefly lost#during the bombing mission. why did the bombing mission happen? she couldn't stop it. ETC ETC#NONE OF IT WAS HER FAULT... BUT SHE NEVER WANTED TO DRAG INNOCENT PEOPLE INTO THIS AT ANY SINGLE POINT#AND NOW SOMEONE WHO QUICKLY BECAME A CLOSE FRIEND IS GONE oh lord my heart#all of this added onto the things like how alone she was in nibelheim... it was just her and her dad for some years after the boys all left#and then the Incident happens and she loses that last person she had... and to an extent another she didn't even know was right there(cloud#god i could talk about her and how she has suffered more than jesus for ages (happy easter. lmao)#FF7 Rebirth spoilers#just in case?? for anyone who's only playing the remakes i guess. since this was basically already there the remakes just elaborate on it#i think about 'we found you!' 'i guess you did!' SO OFTEN#these two girls mean the world to me and i will not let you reduce them to love interest rivals#when tifa ran over to aerith's body i think everyone in the world heard my heart shattering into dust#these thoughts are a bit disjointed and don't articulate well what i mean but god. god. i am thinking about her today
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For research purposes can we get Max in one of those 80s coach outfits? (Red short shorts and very tight white tee)
-🧶
This is what I’ve become. (/lh)
Nah but really I love 80s mens outfits. Glenn in Nightmare on Elm was my first foray into it and I hate that today’s culture will have to change a lot until we can truly bring it back into the mainstream.
#asks#🧶 anon#j is talking again#also i know this is from the character blogs because my mutual is the richie account#its fun :)#also related to my mention about horror i think max would be one of the cast to die in the middle of a horror movie#hes too cliche jock to die anywhere but there unless its intentionally a parody#or a different subgenre of horror#the first deaths are minorities the last deaths are loved characters#middle deaths are characters basically marked for death because theyre mean or otherwise to the main cast#and youve got your final girls (neutral) for the survivors#infodump over#not enough people talk to me about horror so im sorry for coopting your ask 🧶#i hope you dont mind
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☕
The live action Scooby-Doo movies?
I did not see this ask until RIGHT now (first time on desktop since crab day, second time since Nov 5 2020 [which was DOUBLY experience since I got my phone taken the same day]) so I'm going to assume this ask got eaten on mobile because tumblr, HOWEVER you poked a bear with this ask anon (as I'm sure you knew when asking) SO without further ado: my Scooby Doo live action opinions
So when you say 'live action Scooby-Doo movies' I'm assuming you're talking about the James Gunn films, starting with Scooby-Doo (2002) followed by Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, just due to like, generally popularity and also the fact that I have actually seen those films. However shoot another ask if you wanted me to include Curse of the Lake Monster in this (because I will if anyone cares and turn this into a live-action scooby dissertation, i'd just need to like. watch the movie first) But anyways where I'm going with this is that this post is about the Gunn movies aka the ones with SMG, Freddie Prinze Jr., Linda Cardellini, and ofc our #1 man, Matthew Lilliard.
Okay so my take on these movies is... complicated. I wouldn't say it's as complicated as my feelings towards SDMI, because I watched the live actions way less as a kid and generally care less about them, but still no matter how much shit I throw at these two movies there are parts that I generally like (even love) that stops me from totally condemning them wholesale. Like the fact that these movies are FUNNY! There's so many moments from this duology that are just beyond iconic "like, that's one of my favorite names!" the whole thing with Scooby in the dress at the airport, ET. CETERA (like I can go on!)
The Gunn movies are genuinely SO fun and I can 100% see and understand how they've stood so well in the public view as a representation of Scooby. HOWEVER, this is where you start to see my problems with them. For the general American, (because that is the audience I'm familiar with) ESPECIALLY millennials and younger, who happen to make up the majority of both people on this site AND people I talk about Scooby with in real life, these movies, and the elements they introduced as "quintessential scooby tropes" are the base of their understanding of the Scooby franchise, along with likely some miscellaneous WAY episodes and maybe SDMI.
Which is where I get pissed off. In the pushing of the narrative of "breaking away" from the Scooby norm, Gunn basically invents (aka totally makes up) an idea of what classic era Scooby was like, cementing an idea of classic Scooby into the public mind that is totally disingenuous and just straight up false. For example, in attempting to portray Daphne as having taken strides to be seen more seriously in solving mysteries and defending herself, it pushes the narrative that in the classic era she WASN'T taken seriously, and only existed as a damsel-in-distress prop of a character, which is just not true??? Like yes, Daphne is clumsy, that's a part of her character, and her friends (because, fun fact, the gang ARE friends) joke about it sometimes because that's what friends DO. Framing that in some kind of sexist "that's all she does" lens is just total bull, especially as gang members fall into secret passageways/get lost etc. in WAY ALL THE DAMN TIME because that's how the plot functions! Like are we calling Velma ditzy for losing her glasses every other episode? Of course not, and Fred falls into passageways all the time, not to MENTION Shaggy and Scooby and all they get up to. Also one last thing on the topic of Daphne, like this idea of her mystery solving skills not being respected by the gang is just so supremely bullshit it amazes me sometimes, especially when she was the LEADER (or leader adjacent) through pretty much all of her appearances in the 1980s [Not that James Gunn could look at '80s era Scooby without spitting on it, but I digress]
AND THIS IS JUST DAPHNE! Like the perceptions pushed towards Fred (and Velma, but mostly Fred) through these movies are just as bad! Like okay, with Fred---In these movies Fred is just an asshole. I hate Gunn Movies!Fred. I mean yeah he can be funny but it's almost always so mean! Almost nothing makes me madder than a mean Fred by the way. If he's putting other gang members down (even halfway, like with his whole "dorky chicks like you turn me on too" line, which... ew) then to me something has gone very, very, VERY, wrong in your basic understanding of Frederick Herman Jones as a character. Like he's the cheerleader! He puts himself in between his friends and danger! He loves nets, and traps, and Elvis impressions, and wrestling, and the trapeze, and cars, and most of all he LOVES sharing the things he loves with his friends! (Sometimes to a bit of an extreme. No one wants to hear about your net facts, Fred) And the live action movies just don't understand that at all. And I know there's maybe something to say I suppose in that some of those aspects of his characterization hadn't been "established yet" by the time "Scooby-Doo" came out in 2002. But it's there if you look. For Fred Jones, being the leader means being the caretaker, (he's the Mom friend what can I say) and any version where he's cruel and arrogant and just DOESN'T CARE about his friends in the way he's shown to in the Gunn movies is just so far from Fred to me it's not even funny. And what makes it even worse for me is that this (or at least something similar) is the idea of Fred that has really spread to the popular culture. Just the "leader", the jock that makes the rules, the one that [insert X adaptation here] finally gave a personality and made interesting (something that has been said more times than I can count for pretty much every gang member, save Shaggy and Scooby).
And I haven't even touched on Velma, and how they gave her a bit of a early 2000s smart superiority girl complex against Daphne, plus the whole makeover thing and etc. etc. The Gunn Movies are pretty much what would happen if you took someone who hadn't seen Scooby since they were 7 years old (and honestly had a pretty negative outlook against it then) and tried to "fix" it, only his memory was so bad he just made up problems (and threw in a good helping of early 2000s style sexism with it) convincing pretty much the entirety of the popular culture that said problems exist and that Gunn was absolutely brilliant for fixing them (and then bringing up said "problems" whenever anyone wants to talk about Scooby) and this entire rant has been without even fucking MENTIONING what is probably the reason you, anonymous tumblr user sent this ask in the first place, to I, Swishy "Scrappy Doo Redemption Arc" Broke-on-books (dot tumblr dot com), which is his HIGHLY SUCESSFUL and utterly sadistic character assassination of my number one man, Scrappy Doo.
And I am going to try my damnedest here not to get totally into my highly passionate opinions over what James Gunn did to Scrappy in the first of his Scooby movies and how thoroughly it has pissed me the fuck off because I have been writing this post for over an hour now and if we start to really get into my feelings on this topic it will certainly be a couple of hours more but like. That Fucking Bitch. I give James Gunn personally a solid eighty-five percent of the blame for making my life as a Scrappy Doo fan UTTERLY unbearable with this stupid fucking movie alone, and just his Scrappy crimes would honestly be enough for me to say that I hate this movie, not even considering the numerous Scooby crimes I've been talking about here for the past million paragraphs, but the part about this movie that makes me the MOST mad the most pissed off is that it's actually a good fucking movie. James Gunn wrote two hilarious and entertaining movies that have become beloved in the popular culture for their successes in that arena, while at the same time pissing all over the core themes and messages of the franchise of which it was based, that of friendship.
TLDR; The Live Action Scooby Doo movies (written by James Gunn) are highly entertaining and fun pieces of media to watch, and are widely loved by the general public and looked at with fondness and nostalgia because of that. However, as a hardcore Scooby Doo fan (writing that phrase sounds so ridiculous but oh well) the existence of these movies and their impact on the popular culture can be extremely frustrating (despite any personal nostalgia said fan may have) due to their spreading of a misinformed picture of what "typical Scooby Doo" looks like. This picture is especially frustrating due to the fabrication or exaggeration of problems present in classic Scooby (such as sexism in regards to the girls), as well as giving more ammunition to other problems in Scooby fandom (such as oversexualization, and sexualization in general, which no one wants to see in regards to their children's cartoons, like HONESTLY.) Discussions of sexism and sexualization in Scooby (both of which ARE present and are issues, although not at their worst in WAY) can often lead to an overlooking of the issues that are very present and clear in WAY and have continued since then with far too little resistance (I'm 100% talking about the racism here) HOWEVER that topic deserves at least a dozen posts of its own that I am no way informed or qualified enough to even begin to think about writing. The Gunn Movies are frustrating to many longtime Scooby fans because of these reasons, but for me, and fellow Scrappy Doo fans there is also the added aspect of the demonization of Scrappy Doo in the live action movies and the affects that has had on the popular culture as well, making it uniquely inhospitable to like or enjoy the character of Scrappy. End post.
#that last sentence is such a weird tone jump btw but its because the topic flowed one way and i had to jump it back to a summary to actually#finish this monster of a post#SO anon i hope you're happy with this and this makes my opinion make some more sense. and you or anyone else is more than welcome to ask me#questions about anything i said here or my opinion on any and everything scooby related (and not) so if theres a specific aspect of this yo#would like expanded on i can definitely 100% do that for you or anyone who cares#also there are many complexities towards my feelings on these movies that i didnt get to hit on despite the monstrous size of this rant (il#check word count later but im not gonna fuck with it now because im terrified of deleting this post by accident) one of which is my lasting#fondness towards all of the actors in this movie. YES including freddie prinze jr. i may have major issues with his fred but hes also playe#characters i really really like. for example hes the va in this tv show i LOVE and havent watched in like 10 months despite the fact im on#the last season because freddie's character dies in like 7 episodes and i am NOT AT ALL emotionally prepared for that on any level because#that is my fictional father goddamnit!!!!!#also every buffy the vampire slayer gifset that crosses my dash gets me closer and closer to watching it because oh my god daphne!!!!! that#sarah michelle gellar thats daphne oh my god!!!! also i went and saw guardians of the galaxy 3 with my friend (despite not having seen a#marvel movie in 2+ years AND holding a grudge over james gunn's scooby doo crimes)[the things you do for {platonic} love amirite?]#and the title sequence SAID linda cardellini was in it and i got SO excited i was looking everywhere for her it was like wheres waldo in th#discount movie theatre FOR REAL and i just could NOT for the life of me find her (turns out she was VAing the ferret) so in a way linda mad#me cry with that role. whatever. istg i get so off topic i forget what i was even talking about but ANYWAYS <<<1 of my fave english words b#dubs (my favorite spanish word is el amanacer btw. it means sunrise. also burbujas because its bubbles and saying it sounds like bubbles#popping) BUT. AS I WAS SAYING. SEND ME ASKS IF YOU WANT SCOOBY DOO OPINIONS. DEAR GOD I GET SCATTERBRAINED SOMETIMES.#scooby doo#answered#anonymous#blah
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I just binge read all your content again and aside from being reminded I *need* to play Morrowind again, it made me think of my Neravarine who is harassed by his ancestor spirit and Nerevar. So the question is: who would Tev and Dren’s ancestor spirits be? And how harshly would they judge life choices?
Oh man, that's such a cool idea, that sounds rad! IIIII wish I had a better answer for you, haha, I've actually not put a lot of thought into Tev and Dren's families because they're pretty disconnected from them (the powerful Double Orphan Manouevre). Dren at least knows who his family is in broad terms (he knows he's an Omalas, of course), Tev doesn't even have that.
I can't say for sure what Tev's ancestor's would think--at worst she's fairly blasphemous, at best she's extremely hard working, and surely it's a point of pride to save the whole dang province?--but I think Dren's would have some pretty unkind thoughts about his criminal ventures! And even beyond that, some crotchety ancestors would probably want him to get a 'real job'.
Bonus:
Tev/Dren Masterpost
#ask#tevrani#drenim omalas#sorry!!#this is such a cool concept for your nerevarine!#I feel like tev's ancestors would probably think a lot more harshly about her mom#given the drop-your-baby-on-a-doorstep thing#dren feels really guilty about his entire deal so he historically is a little scared to reconnect with his family#such as it is#wait actually fun fact I gave dren the last name omalas because I believe there's an omalas at holamayan#and I had originally wanted him to have a sister there#but that backstory got scrapped pretty early#so I guess they're just distantly related lol
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