#or in this case something really annoying

[mayxxday]

Well-Conditioned : Katsuki Bakugou

Katsuki was acting oddly. And that was underwhelming of a statement to put it because he was all over the place. Fidgeting, crackling, and irritation were through the roof. Katsuki was barely in his seat even. Bouncing his leg, he couldn't help but feel like he did something wrong. Why else, wouldn’t you kiss his cheek as you always did whenever he did something for you?

Katsuki sucked ass when it came to talking love. But it wasn’t that he didn’t show it through his actions. Softened gaze dripping honey each time he wiped his sweat palms on his pants before cupping your cheeks. There was no way he’s gonna get the sticky vile flammable on you—his precious. 

Katsuki showed his love when he snatched your backpack off your shoulder, throwing it over his while he dragged you out of the class. He earned himself a sickly sweet kiss on his cheek, showing that you acknowledged his actions and their meaning. It wasn’t an ‘I love you,’ but that’s what anyone but them would say.

Katsuki wasn’t big on grand gestures of love either but he made do with little trinkets and stickers he bought because ‘he thought of you’. And you like it that way. Or at least that’s what he inferred when you would jump into his arms, kissing all over his face.

He surely couldn’t write about his love, he tried that crap and ended up charring his desk black. But he packed you bentos whenever you were to travel back home from the UA dorms. He made sure to put in extra effort and make the fanciest dishes in case your parents were to see the food and judge him off it ( a good potential husband?). Before you would have seen the inside contents or noticed a lacking love note he should have written to you, he would have his arm tugged down, his precious on her toes, to press a big smooch to his cheek. 

Katsuki was more than gentlemanly for you, he was your boyfriend, so, of course, he tied your shoelaces for you (why do you still use the bunny ears method, is his excuse), draping his jacket over your legs whenever you wore skirts, all because he knew you liked to manspread worse than him. He carries pads and hair ties in his bag, but which boyfriend wouldn’t? He holds your heels with a grumpy frown, holding your waist to ensure you didn’t trip in his shoes because you thought you could handle being in heels all day. 

Katsuki did all this not for praise or compliment. No, he wasn’t obligated to do these either, but he did it because that’s what a good boyfriend would do for you. That however didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate or relish the kisses he received each time he showed his love through his actions. 

So what was different today? When he draped his jacket around your shoulder today, why didn’t he get his kiss? And he knows you noticed it, turning your head to him offer your sweet smile, before returning back to your conversation with Mina. 

THAT’S IT? Katsuki was confused, he had even leaned in to receive his daily dose of kiss, instead of awkwardly standing back straight noticing his instinct. Was he desperate? No. Was he needy? Maybe. Why can’t a man get his share of kisses?

Staring at you annoyed he waited for you to notice. 

BUT YOU NEVER DID.  

He even huffed thrice, each time only receiving a distracted rub on his thigh while you gossiped with Mina. Gosh, he wanted to explode her right now. When he finally got over his petty subtle hints he just grabbed your face to face him. 

"How long will it take ya' to kiss me, brat?” 

Katsuki was easy though. Maybe not for everyone, but his little doll had him wrapped around her finger. When you just smiled innocently at him, pecking his lips without a question. The beast was finally appeased. 

“Thank you for the jacket, ‘Suki”

Goddamn, this woman really had conditioned him to seek her kisses without a clue in her pretty head.

likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated >.<

please lemme know if you wanna be added to my taglist. my inbox is open for any requests too if you guys might have any.

[astrobydalia]

Vietnamese astrology observations

Some observations on the Vietnamese astrology signs to celebrate the lunar new year. Disclaimer: these are based on observations and experiences from my pov as a dragon lmao As always credits to @novy2sirius for the inspo and knowledge of these things.

astrobydalia

🎋I've rarely seen Tigers getting married or having a relationship that lasted more than 1-2 years💀​💀 But the few ones that I've seen with stable marriages had spouses who were incredibly independent, someone who they admire and acts like they don't need/want the tiger person all that much. When tigers have these kinds of parters, they seem to be the most devoted and engaged in their relationships

​​💮​Tigers are highly attracted to danger (e.g. Mr Beast), sometimes to very concerning extents

​​💮​Tigers 🤝 having the attention span of an ipad kid. They like to command attention to themselves but don't like it when others demand their attention

​​💮​Which speaking of, Tigers ooze main character energy I’ve noticed. They are the star of the show and they know it. It's hard to not notice them in a room and honestly they really do have that 'it' factor, have this ‘unique’ energy to them (I think Lady Gaga is very representative of this vibe)

​​💮​My honest opinion on Tigers tho is that they’re annoying af, tend to be very abrupt and the kind of people who don’t know when it’s time to stop and stfu. Tiger men in particular I’ve noticed tend to say and do very inappropriate things often.... However I've seen older/more mature tigers that are pretty chill and simply have BDE

🎋Cats/Rabbits have beautiful smiles and a very youthful look to them. I’ve noticed however that they tend to smirk a lot, often appear cunning and mischievous cause they looooove messing with people, a lot of teasing and provoking. Very witty.

​​💮​Also, cats/rabbits are pretty horny and slutty. Even when they don't talk about sex at all their energy is very sensual, they come off as "easy" iykwim

​​💮​I’ve also noticed cats/rabbits have like some glow to them idk they look like this ✨🎀🪄 to me

🎋Horses are talented and really good at their job and crafts but they are also kinda bland and uninteresting tbh. On a surface level, they are cool cause they are rather playful, social and very engaging, they also have an approachable and warm aura. However they feel a lil vapid and superficial to me after some time. They don't look deeper into things and don't consider long-term consequences. They're also pretty aloof and inexpressive a lot of times

​​💮​Horses are very agile tho both mentally and physically. They are quick to respond to immediate or short-term situations/problems and I've also seen they are prone to be on the go 24/7

​​💮​I’ve also noticed horses tend to look strong, fit, muscular or in shape even when they don’t go to the gym

🎋I don't initially gravitate towards snakes but I always end up vibing with them incredibly well. Very profound, intelligent and insightful people. They have a lot of knowledge and wisdom about life. If you are looking to have philosophical convos they will totally deliver, both street smart+book smart

​​💮​It's extremely hard to get close to them on a personal level tho. They have sus energy and seem to hide a shit ton of things about themselves.

​​💮​Snakes are also very good at easing themselves into leading positions, they sneakily take charge of situations.

​​💮​Snakes have a wild side when underdeveloped tho. A lot of snakes I know are into conspiracy theories and/or are all about this idea of going against the system or the stablished rules but like in a very unhinged way. Tend to also make apparently mindless decisions that make ppl go "wtf are you doing?". In many cases they can become controversial af (e.g. Kanye, JK Rowling)

​​💮​Something I’ve noticed a lot with Snakes is that they tend to randomly ghost people. They’re the kind of people who you never really know where you stand with them unless y’all are super duper close. Tend be secretly very judgmental and have a very all-or-nothing mindset in their relationships (obsessive AF). They play A LOT of mind games with ppl all the time

🎋Both Tigers and snakes have difficult love lives and are prone to getting in abusive relationships. What I’ve seen with snakes in particular is that they tend to be the toxic and manipulative ones most of the times (e.g. Chris Brown). With tigers I've seen it go both ways but what stands out with them is that they tend to get in relationships where there is a MAYOR power imbalance in some way such as huge age gap or things like that (e.g. Amber Heard or Marylin Monroe). Tigers are attracted to forbidden people and that's also why they are the most prone to cheat

🎋RoostersI've noticed have very neat features, sharp jawlines, high cheekbones, nice lips, etc. They always look really snatched af and their bodies seem to have perfect proportions regardless of their body type.

​​💮​And yeah I've seen they are indeed the most arrogant out of all the signs here

🎋Both Snakes and Roosters are rather funny and sarcastic, but roosters pull it off more naturally. They guenienly have an unbothered and unserious vibe to them so humor comes to them effortlessly even when they don't try at all. With snakes it feels like they are intentionally trying to be punny so it doesn't land the same a lot of times

​​💮​A lot of roosters have memorable moments that become iconic memes😭:

​​💮​A lot of Roosters ik actually do not think of themselves as being funny or charming at all. They usually describe themselves as serious and hardworking

🎋Dragons have a very large and in charge personality, they often appear chill and normal at first glance but I’ve noticed they tend to be known for being unapologetic and highly expressive (Rihanna, Ryan Raynolds, Emma Stone, Adele, Kenue Reeves)

​​💮​When developed dragons quite literally and genuinely don’t give a fuck what people think, say or do to them. “Im just doing me” energy

​​💮​Dragons tend to enhance their own self-importance as a defense mechanism when they’re insecure tho. They might or might not be the most confident but they’d rather die than let others see that

​​💮​Dragons very often lack self-accountability or self awareness and tend to not handle conflict well. They are prone to having one-sided beef with people who aren't even thinking about them, I’ve seen this so much!!!!💀💀😭 It's giving:

​​💮​On that same line, Dragons tend to be advocates against mean or bad ppl I've noticed but this often manifests as them getting in personal vendettas about things that have absolutely nothing to do with them. So a lot of times all they're doing is causing a chaos nobody asked for

🎋Goats I wanna protect tf out of them. It's so hard to stay mad at them fr, they have the most endearing energy and they're very popular from what I've observed.

​​💮​When underdeveloped goats have the worst emotional intelligence and tend to be very emotionally volatile. Tend to take things personally very easily and make other people pay for their own issues

​​💮​Goats are the definition of a simp when in love or in a relationship. They LOVE romance and tend to be really good at it as well

​​💮​Goats are very soft spoken too!! I always find myself LOVING their voice or the way they speak, it's really soothing and hypnotic

🎋I honestly don’t like monkeys all that much, I can vibe with them cause we’re friend signs or whatever but they tend to be pretty childish, emotionally immature and self-centered imo. They can be very deep and intelligent but also fail to be responsible and take things seriously a lot of times

​​💮​The good side of them is that they are very creative and they are the type of person that never gets old to have around, they have many hidden talents

​​💮​Something else I like about Monkeys is they are really good with kids and are very family oriented. They truly love children and will prioritize the younger people in their life whether it’s their own kids, their siblings, etc

​​💮​I've also noticed Monkeys can be big big liars. They lie a lot and for no reason at all.

🎋Pigs aren't really all that ambitious, what they mainly want out of life is to live with as much comfort, ease and financial stability as possible and that's it. The good thing about this is that this can make them rather genuine people, not the type to have a hidden agenda or anything like that

​​💮​Pigs tend to be lazy but they can be hardworking at the same time. They drag their feet to do anything but when they finally bring themselves to put in the work they actually deliver great results. They are VERY financially smart too, you can count on them to get high-value and high-quality stuff

​​💮​Honestly pigs actually have a lot of potential, they can be very disciplined but their main thing is that they expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter

​​💮​I’ve noticed pigs are very likable but also tend to be socially awkward at the same time. They're like that one introverted person everyone loves and wants in the group

🎋I don't vibe with oxes for some reason. They appear calm, unassuming and grounded but my god they are strategic, calculating and ruthless affff. Very self-righteous too, have a very unapproachable energy😭

​​💮​Oxes have a very harsh and cold “you gotta do what you gotta do” mindset and which can be really good but I think that's what I find the most unsettling about them. If you try to appeal to their more emotive side once they’ve set their mind on something they’ll look at you like this:

​​💮​Oxes are very disciplined and resilient tho. If people try to tear them down those people will fail miserably. Truly a force to be reconned with

​​💮​Oxes are super duper loyal too in EVERY aspect of their life, similar to dogs

​​💮​A lot of oxes that I've seen were surprisingly into occult as well or were into holistic forms of self-improvement. They can be very "zen" people

🎋Oxes and pigs are the most materialistic signs from what I've seen.

🎋Snakes and dragons are the biggest gatekeepers. Not just with material things but with anything that is valuable to them and gives them sense of power (think of the legends of dragons always guarding a treasure and the sneaky and secretive nature of snakes)

🎋Rats are usually very playful and energetic I’ve seen but in a more graceful and charming way. Very good entertainers and cool people to have around to be honest, another sign that tends to be popular.

​​💮​Rats seem to be all-rounders, very adaptable, fast learners and open-minded which is the main reason why I've seen they find success in the matrix.

​​💮​The main negative I’ve seen with rats tho is that they can be rather opportunistic and hypocritical but they hide this very well. They’re really good at sweet talking others and staying in people’s good graces. Very manipulative and deceitful, they can easily hide any ulterior motives and appear genuine to others

​​💮​A lot of Rats I know are interested in health and wellness in some way, having good hygiene, eating good food, working out, meditating, etc. Cooking in particular is a big thing with them I've noticed

🎋Dogs feel very mid to me….. I recognize they are MUCH more creative, intelligent and clever than horses imo but their go with the flow energy can make them very unoriginal or predictable.

​​💮​Dogs are also the definition of “same old story”. Strong tendency to stay stuck in the past, going back to their old ways and never really reinventing themselves

​​💮​The good thing about this tho is that its true dogs are loyal and consistent af tho, the kind of loyalty and devotion most people would only wish to find in someone and they are also peaceful, compromising and charming

​​💮​Dogs are very pretty too, they clean up nicely but I've noticed they tend to be super insecure about their image

​​💮​Dogs appear kind and trustworthy regardless of what kind of person they are deep down. Either they're genuinely very lawful and righteous people or very fake and phony, the type to smile to your face while planning to murder you in their heads

That's all folks!

astrobydalia

[wisteria-lodge]

why is Dramione so popular and do you think it's problematic?

I. PROBLEMATIC SHIPS

(scroll down if you just want to read about Dramione)

First thing is, I don't think any ships are problematic.

There are lots of ships I don't *like.* There are ships that squick me, or mischaracterize one of the characters in a way that annoys me, or that I think are boring. But saying something is "problematic" implies that I have an issue with it's existence, and don't think that anyone should ship it ever. And that's just not ever going to be the case for me.

Like okay. I have a really strong dislike of any relationship where Character A is "saving" or "fixing" Character B. (In my head I call them Life Coach ships.) I think that's an unhealthy dynamic that breeds resentment and also doesn't work. You can support people, but in the end they gotta fix themselves. BUT. I'm ALSO aware that fixing/saving the bad boy is power fantasy, and power fantasies are fun, and cathartic, and important. Maybe it's nice to read about Lucius Malfoy or whoever responding to that sort of attention the way you wish your father or partner responded in real life. People are messy, and complicated.

To take an extreme example, I know that some people who've been raped stay away even from sex pollen and fake dating, and others actively seek out non-con, even romanticized non-con, as a way to process and deal. Basically, I think people tend to seek out media that is good for them (or at least comforting) and backspace out of media that actively hurts them. You probably have a second of disgust where you're like, ugh that's a thing? But you're not going to read a whole Snape/Hermione fic if the premise upsets you.

I bring up Snape/Hermione because teacher/student is a huge squick of mine. Doesn't matter if they're both adults, or if it's more of an apprentice thing. It's a scenario and a power dynamic that I do not like. BUT. I understand the appeal. The premise of a lot of Snamione fics is... okay, here's this powerful, intelligent, well-dressed guy who is extremely buttoned up and repressed, who doesn't give anyone the time of day. But there's something about YOU (not your prettier friends/classmates) that gets under his skin, and now he's obsessed, wrapped around your little finger. Oh and he's damaged, so he *needs* you. That's a power fantasy. And like, irl you're generally pretty powerless as a 17 year old girl, especially when interacting with men in positions of authority.

Also, like, historically? A lot of fantasies have operated under the heading of "I know it's wrong, but I still can't resist." The fact that something is wrong, is a societal taboo, well - that's a very easy, safe way to get an adrenaline rush, and up the intensity of the fantasy situation. Even the stuff people always bring up when they talk about problematic ships - underage, incest, slavery au but it's framed like it's hot, idk. They're forbidden societal taboos for really good reasons, but I don't think it's crazy to be interested in the big red button that says DO NOT PUSH.

Like how about this. In my experience, actors who play villains tend to be the sweetest, loveliest people you've ever met in your life. And I've always wondered if it's because they kind of have to unpack all the dark, sticky, destructive, perverse parts of themselves on a fairly regular basis (and then have a good outlet for those same feelings.) Everyone has parts of themselves that are not "nice" and not "proper." I think fiction is a fantastic place to air those out.

II. DRAMIONE

I am absolutely not surprised that Dramione is so popular. First, Hermione gets shipped with everyone - for a long time she was the character everyone projected on, and while that's less the case now... she's still the most important female character, and she's a *good* character. She's intense, and goes a little extreme with the problem solving. She's good at observing people but not great with people. She misses social cues. She's compensating like crazy. That's good (relatable!) stuff.

And Draco? He slots into the worldbuilding in an interesting way, he's got a *great* backstory, he's arch and a little bit of a shit, but he's also sensitive and squeamish about violence. I also think he taps into that "oh shit I was WRONG" feeling that is such an important part of adulthood. Hermione is also just going to be the walking embodiment of that feeling for Draco, so he's going to feel some kind of interesting way about her.

I think Draco is fun to ship with any of the Golden Trio, because they've all got that martyr streak and Draco is a survivor, so they clash in interesting ways and end up balancing each other out. Draco and Hermione especially are both very politically orientated people, so they're a good ship for exploring worldbuilding, wizard world reform, or pureblood politics. I also think Hermione has a feminine, girly side that she feels a little guilty about exploring - and spending five minutes around aesthetic, fashion-conscious Draco is going to give her permission to do that. They both have a streak of practical ruthlessness that I think they would respect in each other. Draco can be... a little lazy, so passionate driven people are good for him. But then I think he would be a nice control for Hermione's workaholic tendencies. Ultimately I think they're actually very compatible.

(also like. Hermione likes quidditch players. and if her crush on Lockhart is anything to go by... she also likes pretty blonde men who dress all snappy.)

[reno-writes]

Icy-Hot

[Image from Love & Deepspace]

Rating: +18

Word count: 2,984

Type: Smut

Characters: Zayne x Reader [Female Reader], Caleb 

Trigger warnings/content: Jealousy, a little bit possessive, childhood friends to lovers, genitalia.

❅*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅*̩̩͙‧͙    ‧͙*̩̩͙❆ ͙͛

The thrill of chasing her into the fields was something Zayne never really did as a child. Always observing from afar your joyous smile through the golden fields as your smile shines. That daisy flower print sundress that grandma made with that teal sun hat. Keeping the sun out of your young glimmering eyes.

“Zayne!” Your voice was so clear, so chipper. The sun always gives you this warm glow dancing on your skin. All he could do was sit, stare and admire. Until he saw another boy come out to call out your name. His smile made him angry. Maybe that was the first time he felt jealousy. Your cute sundress dancing as you chased the other boy named-

 “Zayne?” His fingers kept clicking away on his keyboard. Resting his scarred hands on his keyboard to glance at you through his frames.

“What is it? If I answer your question, will you let me get back to my work?” Though you have been friends since childhood; you still had that prying question that prodded his work time. Yet, everytime, he fell for your siren voice. Capturing his attention, pausing his work.

“Listen- I sprained my wrist and ankle,” you sat at his therapy chair, dangling the wrist from the grasp of the other hand. Legs crossed over at the knee, ankle clearly swollen. All he could do was sigh. You were like this all the time. No matter how many times you do this hunter job, you always get reckless. And no matter how many times you come to him with an injury, he was always expecting you to come in. Saying his name. Of course, no one else had the privilege of calling him by just his name. It was always Dr.Zayne for everyone else. He got up, a little annoyed but a little pleased that you relied on him this way. Grabbing a bottle of some icy-hot (a cream that cools on the skin, then feels hot to help ease the pain), he knelt down on a knee to apply it on that ankle.

“And I need you to listen when I tell you to be more careful,” carefully pulling the shoe off and the sock off in one pull. He could see your ankle definitely was sprained at least, if not broken. “What did you even do? Trip?” Bingo. Face turning into that cotton candy pink, he could read you like a picture book that he used to see you read as a kid. “Always clumsy. Always.”

“Hey! I couldn’t- ouch!” He intentionally applied a little pressure when he rubbed the cream into the skin. A little massage would help circulate the blood a bit. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the wad of bandages, all perfectly wrapped up. Snuggly, he bound it around the base of your foot, to the top of your ankle. “Watch it!” 

“You wouldn’t be injured if you had just listened to me like I always tell you,” as he cuts the end and clips it. Standing up onto his feet as he takes a hold of your injured wrist and starts the same process. His ice gray eyes only stared at your wrist when he subconsciously started to tighten his grip. Were your wrists this small? “Have you been eating?” Maybe it was his imagination that felt like he went through this before.

“Of course I have been since-”

“Well, hello, Zayne. Or shall I say, doctor?”

Zayne looked up and recognized the face that he knew all too well. The boy that chased you in the fields. The one that always danced with you. The one that always told you that you looked pretty. The one that took you away from his novels to play spot the i-spy books. Taking the words that Zayne said already but exclaiming it.

“Hello…Caleb. Colonel now I assume,” he could feel icicles forming in his blood. “I had heard you were back,” nearly snapped at him but he wanted to stay professional in case anyone came in and saw how he was acting. Caleb chuckled. Zayne clenched his fist. There was no way this man came back just now when things were just finally becoming great in his life. You, him and his job. 

“Well-” Caleb stated slyly, as he grabbed your uninjured wrist. Clearly trying to assert dominance despite being in Zayne’s office. “You know, she and I were just out, you know.”

“So you were the one that let her get injured. That makes more sense now.” Of course Zayne was not going to back down from Caleb. Not when he came into his office, with you injured on his couch. Caleb scoffed and clicked his tongue.

“Now that she is all bandaged up from the doctor. I am going to bring her home with me and make sure she is well taken care of. Thank you. Doctor.” Zayne raised his eyebrows. There was something off about Caleb. Granted, when Zayne and Caleb were young, there was a rivalry. Now, there was this weird aura.

“I am about to be done with my shift anyway. I can bring her home-” Zayne insisted, sensing some sort of eeriness from Caleb. As he stood in front of his desk to close his laptop, he felt a pull from Earth. Landing his ass onto his office chair.

This man had Evol. That means he-

Caleb shook his head and lifted you off the couch with ease. Casually smiling at you, then at Zayne. “Thank you for the offer. But you must have other patients. It’s unprofessional to only pay attention to someone you personally know.” As he used his dirty boots to kick open the door, there was a little tinge of flaring purple in Caleb’s eyes. “I appreciate you taking care of her. As she did fall pretty hard earlier.” He did this. Caleb definitely was the reason why you were hurt. After Caleb left, he felt all the gravity lift off of him. Nearly falling out of his chair, he had to take a moment to compose himself. He stood up, packed his laptop. Unhooking his trench coat and scarf to venture out in the cold. His smartphone buzzed to only see your name blinking on his screen.

“Zayne speaking,” he knew it was you. It was this game he liked to play to see what your reaction was going to be. There was a sigh on the other end. “I am sorry, Zayne. Caleb was being a bit of a brat. I demanded he take me home. I am almost there.” Zayne could tell you were fiddling with your fingers while being in the car with your childhood best friend. Caleb probably could hear the whole conversation, but clearly you did not care. “I can make some honey chamomile tea to make it up for you?” Your voice was as fresh and pure as the snow. Unlike that prick Caleb that-

“Hm, I was thinking about picking up some macarons. Did you want some?” Zayne was already about to walk into the dessert store to order a pack of twelve, before he heard a chuckle from you. “What?”

“You are already in the sweets store right?” You knew him too well. “I heard the bell that chimes whenever you go to that store”. You were his girl. Caleb could not catch up to Zayne’s status with the time that was lost.

“I’ll see you at your place then.”

 It was just like old times. Just you and him. The blanket on your lap as you sipped some hot tea, gently coasting it with the injured wrist. The snow was falling outside your window. It was times like these that he cherished. 

“Do you have work tomorrow?” Always asking that. Nonetheless, he savored every word and action, recording it into his brain.

“Of course I do,” your face clearly showed disappointment and you shook your head. 

“You never have time anymore. We used to hang out all the time-.”

“We used to. I am a doctor now. People need me.” “Well, I need you too, Zayne. As a friend.”

His finger clutched onto his cup of hot tea a little too hard. Those words cut deep. “You can always make an appointment-”

“That’s why I have been talking to Caleb about-” There you went, pouring salt into the wound and rubbing it in. As the cup he held shattered in his fingers. “Zayne! Are you hurt?” He could see you get up and grab a towel, wrapping it around his fingers. “Oh thank goodness the tea didn’t get on you.” Your voice was soft. Careful. Alluring. “You could have gotten hurt, doctor.” Seductive.

“Doctor? You have never called me that before.” Pulling his hand away from you, he looked at the cuts on his fingers and assessed it. If he got hurt, would you pay attention to him more than Caleb? No no. He can’t stoop as low as that colonel. He could never use Caleb’s dirty tricks to keep you around himself. Caleb would of course. That would be absurd. “I am fine.” There was a look on your face. One of concern. “What is it now? Are you okay? Does your wrist hurt?”

“This is what I mean, Zayne.” He was puzzled. He was just doing his job to make sure you were physically, mentally and emotionally okay. It was always his job. As a friend sure, but as your physician too.

“And what do you mean by that then?”

“You are always working. Why can’t it be how it used to be? Just not thinking about work all the damn time!” It hurts to see you hurt. It hurts to see you on the verge of tears. It hurts to see you apologize on the behalf of Caleb, that old friend of yours…and begrudgingly his as well. Maybe he was working too much. Every time you came in, injured or not, work felt like home again. “Sorry, forget what I just said. I am just stressed about Caleb.” There it was. His time to strike.

“Oh? What do you mean? I thought he was your friend?” Zayne says with clear curiosity as he gets up to fix another glass of tea. You sigh and plop down on the couch. “Not as a therapist. Not as a doctor. As a friend, and as someone that knows Caleb and how he is-”

“That is the thing. Something is off about him.” Pouring the hot water into his new cup, he came back around and sat next to you. “You saw it too, right?” He nods in agreement. Not just because he wanted to slightly win you over, but also he definitely noticed that stare. “I am not crazy! Thank god! I didn’t think Caleb was so possessive over me.” 

“But I get a little possessive too. Understandable when you keep getting hurt.” You shook your head, trying to convince Zayne that there was more to it.

“I swear when you do it, it's out of love and care. And it never bothers me when you do it.” He felt his heart race. The warmth of his blood flowing into his arms. “When he does it…I don’t know. Am I crazy Zayne?” He must have been so out of it, when he blinked and saw himself reflecting back in your eyes. His arm goes up and around your shoulder, bringing you close. Grasping your bandaged hand. Gently caressing the white fabric with his finger tips. Smiling. 

“So you don’t mind when I get a little possessive with you? That is a bit surprising.” Checking another thing that you mentioned into his mental notebook about you. He felt your temperature rising against his arm. He would know this with how much he has examined your body. He knew every little thing your body did. What it did. How it reacts. He turns and guides your injured hand to his face. What made him nuzzle into your palm was beyond him. Maybe it was those jealous feelings he felt before that made him like this.

“I mean…” your voice fell into a whisper. “I definitely don’t hate it.” He kissed your palm. Slowly letting go as your palm stayed in place. That hand never left contact as it slid across your shoulder, your neck line, then your other shoulder. Grasping it gently. It was like the time you smiled in that sunlight, but something else was there now. It wasn’t jealousy or admiration. It was beauty. It was love. Something he only heard of in novels. Of course he knew it existed. He just never cared to explore it.

“Then let me ask you a question,” leaning against you. He could feel you shaking in his grasp. “Do you hate it when I am this close?”

“I don’t hate it ever.” “Ever?” He faces closer. “What if I say you are the reason I have a fever right now?” You swallow, as your eyes look over his shoulder. He knew you were lying. And you knew you were lying too. “Then cure me.” Hovering his lips over your quivering ones. As he gently captures your lips with his. His arm slides back to where it once was, as he leaned over you. Your injured wrist on his chest. His heart was beating so loudly in his ears. The taste of tea lingered on his tongue. Sticky honey exchanged before he pulled away, caressing your cheek. “I think I need more. It’s not enough.” Panting as he dived in for another kiss, pinning her arm down. “Let me do everything. We can’t have your wrist injured any further.” His fingers rub small circles into your arm. “Hold onto me darling.” Releasing your arm, just to sling those arms around him. Gently grasping his hair to just release that extra tension. Unbuttoning those pants slowly, fumbling despite doing it so many times to tend your wounds near your hipline. As he kneels in between your legs. His long fingers hooking on the belt loops and pulling it off, as the panties come off with it. This was one of the few times you looked shy. You never were this shy in front of him when you needed something. Only he got to see this side. Doctor Zayne, was the only one seeing you in this state. Discarding your pants elsewhere in the room, as he yanks off his belt and unzips his dress pants. His bulge greeted the air. Slowly peeling off his pants, as he was about to take off his boxers; he looked at you. You needed him. Not how you said earlier. But it might as well mean the same thing. Zayne went down to capture your lips, this time nipping at your lips. As his own hand slipped onto the elastic band of his boxers, to slip it down his thighs. To kick it off behind him. 

“Doctor- I mean Zayne-” He craved more. He wanted more. The sinful want that fell from your wet lips made his breath get caught in his chest.

“What can I do for you darling?” His mouth breaks to fully hear your pleas. 

“I need you. Please”. His calloused fingers grasped his leaking member. Slowly pumped it before guiding it to your wet entrance. His mind was elsewhere. How he prayed he will be the first and only one to see you in this state. You are his patient. He was the one that will always be there for you. Slowly pushing into you, your face contorts into discomfort. Your nails racking down his sweating back as he grits his teeth.

“Breathe for me,” stating as if he knew exactly what he was doing. He only studied anatomy. The practice was never studied. As your breathing steadied, he pushed in inch-after-inch until he was fully inside. “It’s okay darling. Let me handle this like I always have.” Zayne’s fingers gently gripped the bed. As one hand held part of your hip, he started to slowly find its rhythm. Melodic moans filling the apartment, harmonizing with his moans. Until her phone started to buzz. 

Caleb

Zayne wanted Caleb to hear everything that he was hearing. To see every droplet of sweat trailing down your body that came from him. However, some things were kept a secret. Just like a patient and doctor. His pace went harder, more relentless without realizing as you finally gasped out.

“I’m cumming Zayne”. He was frantic for your touch. Your nails dug in as your orgasm coursed through. Zayne was not far behind, before he pulled out, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. His hand is adjusting so it’s near your hair. Tugging it oh so slightly.

“Me too darling-” his seed spewing out onto your bare stomach. His panting slowly subsided. “You finally listened to me.” A smile tugging on the corners of his lips, as he kisses your forehead. Getting up to grab a paper towel to clean up his mess he decided at that moment to put it on you. Discarding the paper towel, before grabbing the blanket you wrapped yourself up earlier to hug the both of you on the couch. You were slowly falling asleep as he tucks himself between the back of the couch and you, one arm pulling you close. 

“What about work?”

“I can call in.” “But what about the patients?”

“But you said you needed me darling” As your exhausted eyes closed, he tucks a hair sticking to your nose, behind your ear. Before picking up your phone and noticing a few missed calls from that childhood friend of yours. Unlocking it. Then merely texting a simple message.

[I am with her now. Doctor’s orders. She is in the utmost care. Talk to me anytime you need a talk (11:32pm - Doctor Zayne)]

[boybandbaby]

lovers and friends (Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader)

word count: 903

warnings/tags: alcohol, angst, written with age gap in mind because of Carrie and Big as always if I missed anything please lmk

note: inspired by season 2 episode 8 of SATC - I couldn’t come up with a better title

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It’s silent on the phone and Hotch can hear your breathing. It’s more like huffing and he knows you’re annoyed with him. You should be. This is the third time he’s canceled on meeting your friends.

You’ve been dating for about 7 months and it’s serious enough that you’ve started introducing each other to important people in your lives. You’ve met Jack and Rossi so far and he’s met your closest friend.

You also know how demanding his job can get so you’ve never fought about him canceling dates or held his busy schedule against him. But lately, you’re becoming a bit annoyed with his absence especially considering this is the third time canceling on your friends. Maybe it’s not fair on him for you to be upset but you also don’t like looking or feeling stupid and you constantly feel like that.

You don’t like the looks of pity on your friend’s faces when you tell them that he couldn’t make it. You don’t like recalling your night to Hotch over the phone when he was supposed to be there with you.

“Honey, are you still there?” Hotch softly asks, holding the phone to his right ear and covering his left ear with his pointer finger to drown out the nearby noise.

“Mhm.” You hum.

“Please don’t be mad. I’m so sorry.” He pleads. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“It’s fine, Aaron. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” You sigh.

“How are you getting home?”

“Goodnight, Aaron.”

You know it’s wrong to be short with him but you’re already fighting tears and you don’t want to snap at him for something he can’t really control, so you hang up.

You’re debating on whether to stay home with the sorry excuse of feeling too sick to go out. The truth is you are sick, sick of not feeling like a priority.

You also feel sick with guilt for even feeling this way. You don’t want to seem selfish when Aaron’s out in the world saving others and putting his life on the line.

Shaking away the tears and stress, you decide to go out rather than wallow in your sadness. Your friends come over to get ready and you struggle to have the courage to let them know Aaron won’t be able to make it again. They give you those apologetic looks but reassure you it’s really no problem.

A short few hours later, as you’re locking up your door, you decide to send him a text.

You: I’m leaving my apartment now. Taking an Uber with the girls there and back. Love you.

Aaron: Thank you for letting me know. Have fun and be safe. I love you.

His text is immediate and makes you wonder if he’s been waiting for you to contact him since your little spat earlier.

Pocketing your phone and taking a big breath, you exhale the worries away for at least the night. The next three hours are spent dancing, drinking, and singing a long to the lyrics as the dj mixes one song into the next.

You’re actually enjoying the night, when a waitress brings you a drink. “Oh,” You hiccup. “I didn’t order this.”

“It’s from the gentleman at the bar.” She points. Your friends’ heads whip toward the bar before you have time to process the waitress’s comment. When you finally do, your face breaks out into a smile just as wide as the Cheshire Cat.

Before your friends can question, comment or stop you, you’re stumbling towards the bar and throwing your arms around the man’s neck.

“Aaron, what are you doing here?” You laugh, eyes sparkling with happiness and surprise. “You didn’t tell me you’d be back so soon.”

“I was already wrapping up the case when I got your text message. I figured I’d surprise you but didn’t know if I would make it in time.” He shrugs, one of his hand finds your hip. “I know you’re still upset with me so I didn’t know if you’d want me here.”

“I always want you here.” You mumble into his ear. Aaron sets down his glass and places both hands firmly on your hips, pulling you to look at him.

“I want to meet your friends and be a part of your life. I should’ve made it a priority because they mean a lot to you and you mean a lot to me.” Aaron is not one for PDA but you look so cute, all carefree and smiley that he doesn’t care.

“You mean a lot to me too. I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for coming.” You sigh all airy, kissing his cheekbone.

“You still want me to meet your friends?” He asks, weary. A part of him expected you to turn him away but when you’re dragging him back to your group, he sees how much this really meant to you.

He’s awkward as he stands in his suit, pressed against your back. You’re speaking a mile a minute as you introduce him to each of your friends. You watch him with dreamy eyes as he leans over you to shake each of their hands.

The environment is much too loud and much too crowded for his liking, his legs ache from standing and he’s truly beat from the case but the smile on your face is enough for him to put up with it all.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

[midnight-mourning]

The Thought That Counts

💘💘Midnight's DCA Valentine's Day 10💘💘

This one was super interesting for me as someone who's ace to sit and think about, shout out to the aroaces, this one is for you, little hurt/comfort just because that's what i was feeling

Prompt: Sun and Moon discussing with an Aroace yn why they dislike romance? Or maybe just watching some really bad romcoms on a horrible day

Word Count: 1753

Read here if you prefer ao3!

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The sound of happy love songs has started to grate on you recently, you're not going to lie. You get maybe like, a couple days worth, but all week long feels a bit, excessive. Not to mention the barrage of lovey dovey advertisements, decorations, and so on you've seen everywhere you've went.

Sure, it all wasn't intentionally done to annoy or make you uncomfortable, but sometimes it certainly felt like it. 

As you walk into the Daycare for work, you do your best to ignore it as per usual. Today would hopefully be the last day—since it was Valentine's, after all—and then you could go back to living in peace. 

Again, it wasn't necessarily a hate for the holiday, rather it was just a general discomfort. Not typically feeling, if ever at all, attraction for other people just made you feel like you were getting pressured into a game everyone else was playing. Except for you that is. 

It just wasn't your holiday, and that was fine, you just simply wished others would see it that way too. Instead of having to constantly be on edge if you said the wrong thing about not wanting the persistent reminder that you don't fit inside the box everyone else puts you in. 

It was a bummer, and it hurt quite a bit. Losing friendships and the likes in certain cases. Just because of the fact you didn't experience the world the way they did. 

But, you'd deal with it. Just like you've always done. 

If you could, that is. 

Unfortunately, your favorite coworker(s) had made it a bit difficult to keep your head down and avoid like you typically did. 

Valentine's was their favorite holiday—though, you think they said that with every holiday—and thus they had to go all out for it. 

Every inch of the Daycare was covered head to toe with decorations, streamers and paper hearts covering every surface. Instead of the Daycare theme, age appropriate love songs played through the speakers up above softly, adding to the overly love-filled atmosphere. 

For them, you were sure it was great, exactly the vision they had in mind. For you, it was just, too much. 

But the decorations and the music weren't the problem. Unfortunately, it was Sun and Moon themselves causing the 'issues' you were dealing with. 

All week long they'd been leaving little things for you to find throughout the play area. Little handmade cards with endearing notes. Paper roses folded neatly by your belongings. 

It tore you up inside, mainly because you knew what this all was leading up to, and you were almost dreading having to tell them. It wasn't that you didn't care for them. You really, truly did. A lot. So much. 

But not like that. Not at this point, that is. Sure, maybe it was possible, but at the current moment, the idea of such just made you feel, off. 

So when Sun came up to you near the middle of your shift, something hiding behind his back, you already had a guess as to what it was. 

Before he said anything, he seemed to pause, almost deflating upon getting closer to you. 

You speak first, trying to keep your tone light. "Everything alright, Sunny?"

"Of course, Sunbeam!" Still, he keeps his hands behind his back. "But, is everything alright with you?"

You nod with a smile. "Of course. I'm just a little tired is all."

"Oh... are you sure? You've seemed a bit, upset all week long. Would you... like to talk about it?"

Your brows raise, both in surprise and in fear that you'd been found out. "I, no, that's okay! It's not um, something I really want to talk about right now."

"Right. Of course." He steps back, then another, then turns around but manages to keep whatever he was holding hidden from you. "Well, enjoy your break, friend!" 

He walks off then, before you can stop him, and your heart sinks a bit. 

The rest of the day proves to be, incredibly stressful. The party for the kids goes great, but it leaves you with a terrible disaster to clean up. It sours your mood more than you expected, especially after finding the mess of glitter glue hiding underneath one of the tables, you spend nearly thirty minutes scrubbing on your hands and knees to get it cleaned up. And when you emerge you remember all the rest of the clean up you still have to do, stressing you out even further.

With a sigh and a stretch to crack your back, you trudge over to where the trash is and deposit the used paper towels into it. You turn around to get back to work, but are shocked to find Sun standing there, looking a bit cheered up compared to your last 'official' conversation earlier. 

"Hello Sunshine!" 

You smile, tired. "Hi, Sun. Need something?"

"It's not what I need, but rather, what you need, friend." He pokes your chest once, rays spinning. "I have a little surprise for you. If you'll accept." 

Your brow furrows. This seems a bit different than earlier, so you're curious. "Oh?"

"Yup! Now come on!" He takes both your hands and starts pulling you out of the Daycare, heading in the direction of the theater, you in tow. 

You don't protest physically, too tired and stressed—as you quickly realize—but do speak up about it. "Woah! What about cleanup?"

"Clean up can wait! You obviously don't feel well, and we need to fix that immediately!" Sun pushes open the theater doors with his back, leading you inside. "And Moon and I have just the thing for it."

After your eyes adjust to the lighting, you're surprised to see there's a film pulled up on the large screen, with a couple of beanbags and blankets piled near the middle of the room. There's a smell of popcorn in the air that makes your mouth water. 

Sun finally stops once you're over by the beanbags, pushing you to sit down in one, covering you with a blanket once you comply. He sets a bag of popcorn and a couple boxes of candies in your lap. When he's done he pats your head and sits down in a bean bag not too far from you. But you do note it's not his usual spot beside you, but you let it go as he claps his hands. 

His rays spin. "Ready to get started? This is just for you, but we went ahead and took the liberty of picking the first film."

"I, yeah, I guess so. Thank you guys, I uh, needed a break." You take a bite of popcorn and turn to look at the screen. "More than I expected—Is this 'Valentine's Day'?!" You almost choke from your laughter. 

"Of course! It seemed fitting, and the reviews we read were very passionate!"

You shake your head, settling in. "Passionate is the key word there, I think."

The film passes by quicker than you'd expect, chatting with Sun every so often to explain why the story makes you laugh so much, explaining what exactly a romcom is, and just in general decompressing from the day. 

They let you pick the next one—with Moon getting to be out to watch this time instead—and you choose another classic bad movie, 'Bride Wars' to keep the theme up. 

Again with Moon though, he keeps his distance from you, settling in a respectable few feet away. Which, you did appreciate in the beginning, after being overwhelmed with the amount of in your face love-dovey stuff the past several weeks. But now, you're feeling, lonely. 

About a quarter of the way into this movie, you decide to speak up, turning to your lunar companion. 

"Hey. What's going on with you guys today?" You ask, reaching a hand over to rest on his. 

Moon flinches, not making eye contact with you. "We're just, we thought, it doesn't matter. We don't want you to be uncomfortable with us, Star."

"Uncomfortable? With you?" You shake your head. "Never. I mean, yeah I was a little worried when—" You stop, realizing it's not helping as he shrinks in on himself. "I, let me explain, I guess."

Moon nods, and you sigh. 

"Romance, just, isn't my thing. Not usually, if ever. I just, I don't really get those feelings for other people. And when it gets constantly shoved down your throat, you start to realize how uncomfortable with it you actually are. Really uncomfortable. I just wanna be me and not feel like I have to be something I'm not, that I can't be." You shake your head again. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I can still feel attraction and the likes, and I, I care about you two a lot. Especially you two. But it's just, not like that? I want to be close with you, be around you all the time, I like your jokes, your teasing, talking to you, but the idea of romance, in general, just, gives me a bit of an ick sometimes, does that all make sense?" You lay back, running a hand through your hair. "I mean, I—I think I'm in love with you both, but not in the way that I have romantic feelings for you? Sorry this is a word vomit of an explanation I'm sorry—"

You feel arms wrap around you, pulling you up into a hug. 

Moon's voice is soft, just a murmur. "We're sorry."

"Moon, it's not on you—"

You can feel him shake his head against you. "Not that. We mean we're sorry you have to deal with that. It's not fair."

"Oh, yeah. I guess so."

He pulls back, hand resting on your cheek as he looks down at you. "We care about you too, a lot. It, doesn't have to be anything more than that. It's enough just to be able to say it. Does that make sense?"

"Y-yeah. It does. More than you know." You feel your face heat up, either from embarrassment or excitement at understanding. You bury your head against his chest. "And as for like, the gifts and stuff, that's still okay. They're still sweet, and they mean a lot. I promise."

Moon snickers. "Sounds like you just enjoy getting things."

"Not true! I really do like it! It's the thought that counts." You protest, now fully embarrassed. 

Moon hugs you a little tighter, humming. "I suppose it is."

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Thank you for the request @starspindle! It was interesting to tackle in that through writing I learned a bit about myself and my own indentity, plus i just enjoy writing hurt/comfort hehe ^^

My writing Masterpost

DCA Valentine's Masterpost

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[elene78-blog]

I believe in the possibility that, in this trilogy, Kevin tells Andrew something very specific before he leaves for California. Something like this:

"I need to add a clause to our deal, Andrew. An exception."

Andrew looks at Kevin without the slightest interest. With his suitcase packed for a flight to California in three hours, it's not hard to guess what Kevin wants.

"Do you really want to add a fine print or are you still drunk on self-pity?" Kevin stares at him. Andrew ends up shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know if you're confusing your memories with reality, but just because Moreau hasn't been able to defend himself in these years doesn't mean he can't break your face... or your other hand."

Kevin frowns, somewhere between annoyed and surprised.

"...How do you know I'm talking about Jean?"

"Can anyone else make you so guilty that you want me to beat you up to make you feel better?"

"I don't want Jean to beat me up. I just want you to stay out of my way if Jean decides to."

Kevin doesn't understand. Andrew had already subdued his anger when they met. It only took one look at Jean for Andrew to understand that he hasn't even explored her. If the Frenchman has half the rage Andrew has ever felt, Kevin will be dead before he blinks.

"I know Monsieur Miserable's old fury, Kevin. It's a ticking bomb and you won't want to be around when it goes off."

"Jean won't go that far. He's not... like the others Ravens, at all. And if he does, it will be a beating in return for what he has received for me."

Andrew is not convinced. Honestly, he likes this trip to California less and less. Every time someone goes there, something bad happens. Furthermore, Moreau is not a saint of his devotion. No one who had witnessed Neil and Kevin's misery was, no matter Moreau's circumstances. However, there is something that Andrew understands and respects.

The debts are paid. The promises are kept.

Neil had repaid a debt months ago. Kevin had to pay his own.

"If you are in danger of death, I will stop it. In any other case, I will not move. Enough?" Kevin nods and leaves.

[prlssprfctn]

hey! so the intro for this is weird but pls hear me out

yesterday night while walking home from a bar with friends, a group of men probably about my age (early-mid 20s) in a large truck started shouting queer slurs at us then threatened to kill me 😬

my nerves are still a little frazzled but my stupid brain is currently attempting to manage these anxieties about what happened by going “hmm I wonder how the batkids would have responded if they saw that happen”

so I was just wondering if you had any kinda headcanons or anything about how any of the batkids would handle a scenario like this :) I know this is kinda heavy haha so pls don’t feel like you gotta respond to this but I really like your writings and thought it was worth a shot to reach out and ask :) thank you!

(also, my friends and I did make a report and we’re currently talking with the civil rights division of our local gov’t about handling this case as a hate crime so we are in the midst of handling it)

oh my god, i am so sorry this happened to you. i am glad you put charges and dealing with the situation, though. be careful, and i hope you are recovering well.

Bruce, i feel like, would try to charm his way out of this at first since he doesn't need additional interent drama. maybe he will try to smile politely and go along lines like, "oh, is that supposed to be offensive?" but if the situation escalates, he will not be afraid just to fight them off. who would blame him, anyway?

i have a feeling that Dick doesn't like fighting on the streets as well, and he usually tries to escalate the fight, only ever using it as the last resort. i also think that if someone picks up on him at night, he just decides to creep out everyone by using his amazing gymnastics. like, imagine him just turning his head around like an owl, cracking bones like in horror and pretending to be a spider — men will run away in the instant. without a fight. that's effective.

Cassandra is not a one to deal with bullshit like this. she doesn't acknowledge these people at all, but if they start to actively catch her attention and cause a fight, she will first offer the scariest death stare to ever exist. people mostly scram afterwards, but if someone didn't, she will nonchalantly break the bones of their arm. as a threat.

you see, Jason probably is not getting annoyed by people like this. who would pick up on a fucking double-fridge, right? i think he mostly spawns behind his siblings' backs when someone picks up on them and terrifies tf out of others. but if someone did risk their lives, i think Jason would either just point a gun silently (if he is in a bad mood) or start roast these people so much, they would leave.

oh, Tim. Tim is gracious about it. someone starts haunting him on the streets, so he wordlessly records a video, and while that person still screams at him, he calls his lawyer. they will get charged and outed in the news for this faster than they will finish their attempts to terrify Tim.

Steph starts shouting back. she is so loud about it that people usually start gathering around them, and she starts making him join the conversation, too. "just look at this weirdo, huh! hey, hey, you, look at him and tell me — isn't he fucking insane?" and stuff. she is equally good at escalating the fight to the reaching point of just make people leave embarrassed, depending on the situation.

baby Damian definitely doesn't even understand the meaning of slurs — his family is adequate, and he is a sheltered kid in a way, so he has no idea what all that means. but he feels a threatening aura. he first reminds people who he is, giving a chance to escape... and when it is not working, someone is about to get stabbed.

Duke tries to joke it off first. like, in a "oh, from all slurs, i got called *this*? that's something new, buddy, kudos" kind of way. if it doesn't work and people continue annoying him, he simply fights these people. he doesn't care much.

[hansmic]

“𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖒𝖎𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖑𝖞𝖗𝖎𝖈 𝖙𝖔 𝖒𝖞 𝖒𝖊𝖑𝖔𝖉𝖞”

han jisung x gn! reader

genre: romance

warnings: none

word count: 3.6k

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧

Han slowly walked out of the studio, his leather guitar case in hand. He adjusted the backpack on his shoulders and stretched, his back making a satisfying pop sound. He took a peek at his watch and groaned. It was almost seven in the evening, and by this time, he was usually on his way home.

However, for once, he found that he didn’t mind staying a bit longer; he still had one more thing to do. A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he walked down the hallway, whistling a soft tune.

After entering the practice room, Han set his guitar case and backpack down against the wall. He pushed up his sleeves and surveyed the room, humming in approval upon seeing that he was the only one. It was perfect. This late into the evening, not a lot of people came to the practice room, which meant he didn’t need to worry about being interrupted. Sitting down on a chair, he flipped open the guitar case and took out his instrument, carefully tuning it.

Now that it was in tune, Han took a look at the music sheets laid out in front of him. He began to play a few chords, his fingers dancing over the strings effortlessly, but he stopped suddenly. There was something missing; he was stuck, and it was killing him inside. He’d made a lot of progress up until this point, but now, it seems like he hit a brick wall.

Frowning, he set the guitar down and ruffled his hair in frustration. There was a clear vision in his head of what he wanted to write, but he just couldn’t seem to put it into words. As if mocking him, a few stray words began to echo in his mind and he groaned. This was stupid, he’d never had so much trouble coming up with lyrics before. It was driving him crazy.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind. Focus, he told himself, focus. But the words still echoed inside his head, almost as if they had a mind of their own. They reminded him of the reason he was stuck, and just what he was missing all along.

Opening his eyes, he leaned down and rummaged through his backpack, pulling out a small notebook.

He flipped through the pages, looking for something in particular. As his fingers flicked through the notebook, snippets of unfinished lyrics could be seen scribbled on various pages. He finally stopped on the lyrics for his latest song, frowning as he read the page from top to bottom. This was so stupid. He should’ve never tried to write a love song.

Han ran a hand through his hair, crumpling and uncrumpling the edges of the notebook page as he reread the lyrics. He’d always been able to come up with lyrics about love and heartbreak for other idols, but it was so much more difficult to write for himself, and frankly, very annoying. He’d been working on the song for over three days now, and for some reason, the final words that would pull the lyrics together completely eluded him.

Han closed the notebook with a sigh, tossing it onto the table beside him. This was getting him nowhere; as much as he wanted to keep working, it was probably best to stop for the evening. He packed up his things before looking at the clock on the wall. It was 7:30pm already. How long had he been working?

He stood up, slinging his guitar case on his back and picking up his backpack. While he was disappointed, he knew he needed to rest; maybe by tomorrow, his thoughts would clear and he’d be able to finish writing the song. With that hope in mind, he turned off the light and walked out of the practice room, locking the door behind him.

As Han walked down the hallway, he felt his stomach grumble in protest. He hadn’t eaten since lunchtime, and he really didn’t feel like going out to buy food. There was a vending machine down the hall, maybe he’d grab something from there.

Strolling down the hall, he turned around the corner only to almost bump straight into someone.

“Oh crap—“ He threw out his arms to keep the other person from falling, quickly stabilizing them and making sure they didn’t get hurt. After making sure they were fine, he finally took a good look at the person in front of him.

Han’s eyes widened. Standing in front of him was a person that he’d definitely never seen before. You had a youthful glow about them, with an air of elegance. Your eyes were sharp and clear, and while your head was down as you adjusted their bag, he could see your long hair framing their face.

“You alright?” He asked, still holding onto your shoulders.

You looked up and Han’s breath hitched in his throat. Up close, they looked even more beautiful. You seemed a bit stunned as well; he could see your face turning slightly pink as they looked up at him from under their lashes. He watched as you nodded and carefully took a step back.

He let his hands drop awkwardly back to his side, shoving them into his pockets to stop himself from staring. “Sorry about that, I didn’t see you when I came around the corner,” he said, chuckling nervously.

The person in front of him shook their head. “No, it’s fine, I should have been paying attention,” you replied, looking up and meeting his eyes.

As the person spoke, Han felt something stir inside of him. Your voice was sweet and clear, and even though the hallway was quiet, he could still hear you clearly. In fact, he was shocked at how familiar you seemed, but he was sure that he’d never seen you before.

He realized that he was staring again and his mouth opened on instinct. “I’ve never seen you around here before, you new?”

You nodded, and this time, Han was able to get a better look at their facial features. From the high bridge of their nose to the curve of their lips, you were absolutely gorgeous. It took him all his willpower to not stare. “I just joined a few days ago,” you said, your voice cutting through the silence. “I’m still learning my way around.”

“Ah, so you’re a rookie?” He asked, rocking back and forth on his heels. He felt strangely drawn to you, like a moth to a flame; he almost felt giddy at the chance to continue speaking to you.

You nodded in affirmation. “I guess you could say that.” In the dim lighting, he could almost see the small upturned curl of your lips, creating a coy smile. “How long have you been here?”

Han smirked slightly. “Long enough.” He took a step forwards, leaning against the wall. “So if you’re a rookie, that means you’re looking to become an idol?”

You— in front of him seemed to hesitate, looking away and running a hand through your hair. Just that simple action made them look absolutely dazzling, and Han found himself staring once again. “Not exactly,” you replied, finally looking back and meeting his gaze. “I’m more interested in becoming a songwriter.”

Han raised his eyebrows slightly. “Oh?” You was full of surprises. From the way they carried themselves, he had been expecting you to say you wanted to be a singer; the revelation that they were a songwriter like him was a pleasant surprise. “How long have you been writing?”

“I’ve been writing lyrics and composing for a few years now,” they replied, your voice clear and steady, as if you have answered this question a million times before. “I’m still relatively new, though, so I’m trying to improve as much as I can.”

A frown flitted over Han’s face. you were humble, a lot humbler than most other people he knew. For you to say you were “new” after writing for a few years was a bit of a shock. He had a feeling that you were actually a lot more talented than you were letting on. “You say you’re new, but I’m sure you’ve got a lot more experience than most other new writers,” he said, giving you a light nudge.

A faint smile graced your lips, and Han watched, entranced. The low lighting of the hallway seemed to enhance your features, making you look especially beautiful. “Why do you say that?” You asked, tilting your head to the side.

Han chuckled softly. “You just give off a professional vibe,” he said, waving a hand around as if that would give a clearer explanation. “Most of the people I’ve met here are all flash and little talent, but you seem different. Can I ask what your name is?”

Your lips pursed slightly as you seemed to consider something, probably weighing how much you should say in front of a stranger. In the end, you must have decided something, because you smiled, that same soft smile. “My name is Y/N,” you replied, watching him carefully.

Han smiled in response; at least now he had a name besides stranger to associate with you. “Y/N.” He repeated, watching as you nodded. The way your name rolled off his tongue sounded almost musical; he thought that perhaps songwriting wasn’t the only thing you had a talent for.

A comfortable silence fell upon the two of you. The hallway was quiet except for your slight breathing, and Han found himself enjoying this silence immensely. You tilted your head up slightly, looking at him quizzically. “What about you?” You asked, gesturing to Han. “What is your name?”

Han almost laughed; he couldn’t believe it. In the span of a few minutes, he had almost completely forgotten to introduce himself. He ran a hand sheepishly through his hair, giving you an apologetic look. “Sorry, I totally forgot,” he sheepishly said, rubbing the back of his neck. “My name is Han Jisung.”

Your eyes widened slightly at the name, as if you had somehow heard it before, but you quickly schooled your expression. “Han Jisung,” you repeated, testing the name out on your tongue just as he had done. A small smile appeared on your face as you nodded. “I like it.”

Something inside Han fluttered. Your comment was simple, the compliment innocent, but it filled him with some unknown feeling and he found himself unable to respond. He was sure he looked like an idiot, but he couldn’t help but feel satisfied that you had liked his name.

It seemed like neither of you knew how to continue from there. Han fidgeted awkwardly, rocking back and forth on his heels and adjusting the strap of his backpack. You looked away, but not before he caught sight of a small smile on your face as you looked down at your shoes.

Silence surrounded the two of you again, but this time, it felt tenser. Han wasn’t sure why he was feeling so on edge, you weren’t some kind of celebrity; you were just a rookie songwriter he’d randomly run into. But for some reason, being around you made his heart beat faster, and he had to keep reminding himself to breathe.

You glanced up at him, noticing his nervous fidgeting, and you spoke up. “You must have been practicing in the studio for a long time, you look exhausted,” you said, eyeing his backpack with slight curiosity.

He chuckled weakly, running a hand through his hair. “You caught me,” he admitted, leaning back against the wall. “I’ve been practicing for like…three hours by now.”

You winced. “Three hours?” You repeated, a concerned expression on your face. “Why would you push yourself like that?”

Han shrugged, pulling at the ends of the strap of his guitar case. “I have this song I’ve been trying to write for a few days, and I’m not done yet, so I just wanted to finish it as soon as possible,” he explained, looking off to the side.

As he spoke, his eyes accidentally flicked over to you, and once again, he was struck at how familiar you looked. It was like seeing a long lost friend, and he felt drawn to you for some inexplicable reason. He slowly took in everything about you, the slope of your nose, the way your hair fell over your shoulders. He almost felt like he’d found something he’d been looking for all along.

Everything around him seemed to suddenly be amplified. The quiet of the hall, your breathing, your soft voice, it was all so intense, and he had a sudden realization. All he had needed from the very beginning was right in front of him. His eyes widened as a small realization formed in his head.

Everything clicked into place, the final words of his unfinished song flooding his mind like a sudden wave, and he almost felt like an idiot. You were his missing inspiration, the very thing he had been searching for.

The very realization nearly made him stagger; for the last four days, he had been racking his brain trying to find the last lines of his song, and all it had taken was a chance meeting with you in the dark of night for him to finally find the inspiration he needed.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. For some reason, the revelation that you were the key piece to his latest song made Han feel strangely nervous. He stared at you, drinking in every detail of your face, and suddenly, an idea appeared in the back of his head.

He hesitated for a moment; he wasn’t sure how you would respond to the idea that was rapidly solidifying in his mind. The thought was slightly insane, and you might even turn him down, but it was worth a try. Steeling his nerves, he spoke up, his voice slightly shaky.

“Y/N,” he called, hoping you didn’t notice the quiver in his voice. You looked up at him, looking at him with slightly wide eyes and he suddenly felt very nervous about what he was about to say.

“You’re a songwriter, right?” He said, fiddling with his guitar strap again. “And you’re also new, which means you probably don’t have any projects yet.”

You nodded at his words, and he took that as an opportunity to continue. “How do you think about… maybe trying a collaboration?” he asked, a slight hopeful tone in his voice.

You froze as he spoke, your mouth slightly open. You seemed stunned at the words he’d just said, and Han felt his heart rate spike. He waited for you to respond, trying to keep his expression neutral and hiding the fact that he was holding his breath.

You took an eternity to respond, and every second of silence made him feel more nervous. He watched you closely, taking in your surprise, but he still didn’t respond. His palms were sweaty and he gripped the strap of his guitar even tighter, hoping that you weren’t going to reject him.

After a few more agonizing seconds, his worries were put to rest. You finally spoke up, your voice a hint of excitement and shock. “You… want me to collaborate with you?” you repeated, looking at him skeptically.

Han quickly nodded. He was so relieved that you hadn’t outright turned him down, and it gave him a new boost of confidence. “Yeah, you seem really talented, and you could give me some really good insight into songwriting,” he explained, giving you a hopeful look.

Han suddenly remembered that fact, and he hoped that didn’t seem too suspicious. It was technically the truth, but he hadn’t exactly thought this through. “Please?” he added, giving you an innocent look to try and sweeten the deal.

You watched his expression, looking at the pleading eyes on his face, and you felt the last of your reservations fade away. A small smile formed on your face, and you nodded. “Sure, why not?”

Han almost felt like he was in a movie. It was all so cliché—the perfect person suddenly entering his life when he needed them most. And on top of that, you had agreed to collab with him. He could have sworn that his heart rate was through the roof.

The realization that he was going to be working with you on a regular basis suddenly hit him, and he had to resist the urge to start a celebratory dance right there in the hallway. Instead, he took a deep breath, doing his best to look calm and collected.

Once he was sure that he wasn’t about to explode from excitement, he smiled at you. “Great!” he exclaimed, the excitement and relief clear in his voice. “We could start tomorrow?”

As he spoke, he realized that he didn’t know how he was actually going to get in touch with you. He fidgeted awkwardly, realizing how stupid he must look. His face must have given away his thoughts, because you chuckled softly, pulling your phone out of your pocket.

You had obviously gotten what he was struggling to say, and you held out your phone with a small smile. “Give me your number,” you said with a slight smirk. “That way you can contact me.”

Han’s heart just about stopped in his chest. You looked almost like a goddess at that moment, surrounded by the dim lighting and holding your hand out with a small, slightly amused smile. He swallowed, trying to get the sudden lump in his throat out, and took your phone with shaky fingers.

He entered his number quickly, trying to make sure he didn’t mess up any numbers in his flustered state. Once he was sure that he hadn’t screwed up, he gave you your phone back with a sheepish look on his face.

When you took it, your fingers brushed against his for a brief moment, and Han almost gasped. The small touch felt like fire burning his skin, and he had to clench his fists to keep himself from reacting to the electric sensation in his blood.

The touch was so brief, but Han felt electrified, like he had been struck by pure lightning. All of his sensations seemed to heighten; the air around them felt more charged, and you seemed to be more stunning than ever in the low light. He was suddenly acutely aware of the fact that the two of you were standing very close together.

The room felt like it was closing in on him, and the silence was so thick that he was surprised it hadn’t drowned him yet. He fidgeted, unable to hold still beneath your gaze. A small part of him was worried that the hammering of his heart could be heard, and he tried to control his breathing to stop it from sounding so irregular.

A few more seconds of silence passed, and Han swore that he was about to do something that he might regret. Everything was just so intense, and his heart rate wouldn’t slow down, and for the life of him, he couldn’t stand still.

Finally, he opened his mouth, trying his best to sound casual. “I should probably get going,” he said, his own voice sounding strained to his ears. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

You nodded, a mysterious expression on your face. For some reason, you seemed to be a lot more calm about this situation than he was, and you didn’t even look flustered. You just met his eyes steadily, giving him a small nod. “See you,” you said, and it took all of his willpower to not melt right there.

Once again, Han found himself unable to respond. It suddenly seemed impossible to form coherent sentences when you were looking at him, and the fact that you were as calm as ever didn’t help his floundering. He gave you a tight forced smile and a nod, trying to get himself to look normal in your presence.

He took a step away from you, feeling his body scream in protest at leaving your presence. He wanted to grab your arm and ask you to stay, wanted to feel your fingers brush against his again, but his mind forced himself to just walk away, waving a farewell as he did.

His body felt like it was on auto-pilot, forcing him take one step in front of the other and walk down the hallway. He didn’t turn back to look at you, knowing that if he did, he would never be able to leave.

As he walked back to the studio room, his mind was a whirlwind of thoughts. The image of you seemed to be burned into his memory, and he swore that he could still feel the ghost of your touch against his hand. The feeling was intoxicating, and he was already addicted.

Finally reaching the studio room, Han pushed the door open on shaky legs. The room was empty, and he was grateful that he could have some time to himself. He sank down onto one of the chairs, collapsing into the cushion and taking a few deep breaths. Everything that had just happened with you swirled around in his head, and even after the whole situation, he still felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest.

Once he was able to stop his racing heart, Han reached for his guitar, settling the strap over his shoulder with practiced ease. Memories of you seemed to flash through his mind as he began to play, memories of your smile, your voice, of the way a few strands of hair had fallen over your eyes as you looked at him.

His fingers automatically found the right chords, and the last two lines of the song he’d been working on seemed to come into his head effortlessly. A soft smile found his lips as he sang to himself, strumming the final cords on his guitar in a soft, low tone.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶︶⊹︶︶୨୧

I hope you liked it!!

masterlist is here

[femmejournal]

all i really want.

do i stress you out? my sweater is on backwards and inside out and you say,

"how appropriate."

Kn8 + idiots to lovers. In which you annoy your fav

Kafka Hibino finds you offputting. You're an aggressive flirt with seemingly no filter, for one thing, but for another you're unconventionally good looking to him--almost eerily so. There's something about you that bothers him, though he can't put his finger on it; the flirting would bother him if he was your only target, but you do it to everyone so he brushes it off. One day he tells you off for being a little too forward with Reno, who isn't uncomfortable, exactly, but looks...nervous. from that point on, you gravitate towards him, much to his initial dismay. But soon he finds you aren't so bad, just intense and passionate!

Mina Ashiro is appalled at your behavior. You're so....bold, and with her especially. Like, the audacity? Of mouthing off to your superiors?! Of flirting with her directly in from of everyone?! Secretly she's just flustered, but she acts like she's mad, and is really hard on you. But with time, she learns that you're reliable & strong. You even end up saving her a few times, to everyones surprise...although you always seem to be in her blind spots, making sure anything she misses gets taken care of and never reaches her. Soon enough, she's up late at night thinking of you, wondering if your flirtation was sincere...couldn't be, right?

Reno Ichikawa is taken aback by your presence. You're overpowering to him, like when you try a spicy food and you can't taste anything over the heat. He's honestly not sure if he likes it, but he thinks it's funny when you get called on your bs, so at least you're entertaining. He finds himself smiling despite himself when you're around because of this, and you tease him about it which he does not like. Or he's pretty sure he doesn't, at least. Still, he's going back and forth with you pretty quickly afterward, and finds that you're a good teammate. Soon enough it feels like you're the only two in the room, doesn't it?

Soshiro Hoshina finds you thoroughly entertaining, so of course he goes out of his way to be around you--and to bother you. He says you're annoying, but you're not so sure who's annoying who, really, because he bugs. And it's on purpose! By a certain point the two of you are competing to piss each other off. Everyone's sick of you both, they're betting on when you'll finally start making out instead of arguing. Please stop for the good of your colleagues!

Iharu Furuhashi is stunned by your boldness. He's kind of enamored with you because of it. He's not exactly thrilled with your attitude towards authority, but he admires your willingness to be who you are without shame, even if "who you are" us abrasive and rebellious. Kinda wants to tame you, probably. Can he? That's for you to know and him to find out.

Gen Narumi sees you as competition. You're just as hotheaded and loud as he is, and he feels like you're trying to overpower him. Whether he's correct or not doesn't really matter, he's going to beat you at your own game, or so he thinks. The flirting throws him off, though--he has 0 game and doesn't usually get any advances from anyone--and that pisses him off even more. In this case, you'll be taking him. Have fun!

Rin Shinonome is impressed with you. You're bold, intimidating, and stubborn, much like herself. Needless to say, she views you as a challenge. Immediate crush right here. She wonders who will give into the overwhelming sexual tension between you, and she's making sure it's not her. No, she wants you to crack first. It'll stroke her ego and be funny. Whether or not you follow her plan is up to you.

[twst-hottest-takes]

Am I the only one that find Grim calling the mc henchman/minion pretty annoying and frustrating? I don't hate him I think he is a good company during the story but the whole boss/minion thing isn't even funny for me.

There's even options sometimes for the mc to agree with him on that boss/minion thing and it feels kinda dump. Does Yuu/mc have that much of a low self esteem? Or are they just playing along it doesn't really matter because if they are playing along it already is getting old and annoying.

I wouldn't have mind that if it was a thing during the beginning of the story then it dropped later and he starts calling the mc something like friend or even partner (platonically) to show how their relationship has developed but no they have to keep that even during book 7 and I'm starting to get tired of it.

Anon is surely not the only one.

Putting my dislike of Grim aside, I think the Boss/Hench-human bit is supposed to be endearing. I think it's supposed to start out as pretentious and demeaning but morph into a term of endearment as Grim starts to really care about the MC and they get closer. Yuu/MC even goes along with it because it's like a nickname now or something. It may be like bending to the will of a kid who's playing around because, "Aw, it's cute."

That's what I THINK it's supposed to come across as. Of course there's the possibility that what Anon suggested is true and MC's self esteem is so low that they're thinking this is their lot in life at this point. In which case that's very VERY sad. But I don't think that's what's intended, unless the player intentionally decides to read it thay way because the MC is a blank slate that can be anything we want it be.

Now picking up my dislike of Grim again, I'm not a fan of it either. I don't like how long it's stuck around and I agree it feels like there should be more development on this front by now. Not a fan of the MC being treated like the less relevant of the two Ramshackle residents when there's a premise insicating that they should be a lot more important than the story treats them.

Thank you for your take.

[faworsley]

Would you like to read the longest Charles Des Voeux post on this website that goes into rambling and disorganized IRL and show meta? Below the cut because I think it’s some form of eTerror-ism to subject everyone to how big this’ll be (pasted from when I described in the discord! Because I’m happy w the thoughts)

1/? (I NEED to be able to put my little images and gifs under each segment so I’m adding more in reblogs)

Ok so HISTORICAL background for the guy first of all because I think some of it is relevant to his show portrayal:

His family moved to Ireland in his grandparents generation because they wanted to become Protestant and needed the freedom. So therefore much like Crozier Des Voeux was actually Irish but like Hickey claims, he really did spend more of his life in England—because he started in the military at the ripe age of, wait for it… ELEVEN—which was partially to suppress his accent and partially to avoid culture bias. His family last name was NOT Des Voeux originally; his grandfather changed it from the original de Bacquencourt.

Also devastating, weird, confusing fact: Charles Frederick Des Voeux (our CDV) had a brother named Charles Champagne Des Voeux (yes, another CDV) and in historical records, at least if I’m remembering correctly, THAT one is called Charlie, whereas it seems that our CDV went by the Victorian era shortening Chas, or in some cases Fred.

Child Soldier 101: He served in the Opium wars alongside Hodgson, Fitzjames, and Gore, and was 19 at the start of the Franklin expedition. Fitzjames chose him specifically because he was “a great favorite of Hodgson's” and also because, unlike show CDV, he was a very nice guy and seemed to be generally well-liked. He did also have some level of war experience and Navy knowledge.

Right before the Franklin expedition set off, he passed his lieutenant's exam with flying colors. This means he was technically a lieutenant before they set off, but there are a limited number of lieutenantcies available on an expedition like this, so for what I wouldn't really call political reasons he kept his position as a Mate. Later on, with records of him at the Cairn with his friend Gore, we know that he was almost definitely promoted to Lieutenant once things started going south, whether that's because they lost a lieutenant or just needed more help.

Now onto Charles Frederick Des Show

In the show, we first see Des Voeux handling the death of Billy Orren because he stops Collins from jumping into the water, and while that's absolutely the right choice, it's also the first of his scenes where he begins to paint himself as almost being unsympathetic to other members of the crew. He’s actually the first to the rail, and the first to toss a rope to Billy Orren, but what sticks out in the end is that he chose in the end that he couldn’t be saved. Fun fact--he (CDFV) and Collins had very close ranks on Erebus which means they would’ve been in close proximity quite a lot of the time, so it’s interesting to consider they might’ve been friends (though I doubt they got along).

In the show if there's ever a guy who's there without clear reason, says something out of place or tells a bad joke, it's almost always without fail the one and only Charles Des Voeux. He goes to the cairn with Gore to leave the Victory Point Note and looks like he's having a bad time the whole way. Gore seems charmed by Goodsir but Charles seems to think he's annoying. When they're at the camp they set up nearby in Season 1 Episode 2: Gore right before Gore dies, Charles keeps making little quips and telling jokes, and without fail, every time he looks over at Gore to see if Gore laughs. In the comic version that came out before the show, he and Gore are good friends and are portrayed sharing a sleeping bag all cozy like two bugs in a rug so I just think their friendship is really sweet.

Check out the manga Icebound, it’s free online (and for whatever reason I can’t link it)!

So up until this point, slops aside Charles is always very well-organized and put together, even if he looks like he wishes he was anywhere other than here on the expedition. Note: See my less-good post that focuses specifically on how his appearance and his attention to it changes throughout the show. He's 19 and has experience at war (the only enemy here is a bear he hasn't seen) and at sea (they are frozen in the ice).

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 2/11/2025

the bon mot slot goes to the Witcher comics, bc after i inhaled all of the 2014-present series i realized they scratch the same sad goth detective itch batman does

oops! all books!

adding another axis to the "depressive cycles" graph, where x is "how many minutes of mother mother have i listened to in the past two weeks" and y is "how many books have i read and bounced off in the past two weeks" and brother we're at the extreme upper right hand corner

what was supposed to be last week's gay and/or lesbian romance and/or erotica

Desire by Starlight, by Radclyffe, is a 261p softcover published in 2010 by Bold Strokes Books. two unrelated facts about this physical object: VERY glossy cover, and smells faintly of mildew despite having a perfect text block with no water damage. radclyffe has written over a hundred books and this is somewhere in the middle. this is sitting at a solid 4 on goodreads with some complaints that she tends to be a little formulaic. i am going to be very honest and say that when i read this two weeks ago, i did not take very good notes bc i didn't love this one. the structure and pacing were mostly fine and there were only a few strange phrases in the sex scenes, i simply did not find it particularly memorable. we have for sure read worse during this project.

i wish the local love interest did not go by Gard, short for Gardner. is it a stupid old money new york name? sure. is it hard to take the book seriously? yes.

i also found it amusing that radclyffe does not follow her own novel-writing rule outlined in this very meta novel: rarely if ever does a scene open close to the heart of a chapter.

the secret our dear gard is hiding kind of fizzles out in the literal last ten pages. i think she should have had a better or more interesting secret instead of one that could be comfortably resolved through a singular therapy session. i also feel that this teetered on will-they-won't-they-let-each-other-through-a-hardened-outer-shell a little bit too long, and the breakthrough was perhaps not as cathartic as i would have liked. this excerpt, nearly halfway through the book, they are still not together. while it's very funny to watch them seethe in poorly concealed jealousy, i am tapping my watch. do something.

i cannot immediately find the weird wording that threw me a little during the sex scenes. the sex scenes are kind of widely scattered.

i think the thing that annoys me most about this book is that there's no real benefit for either of them in this relationship. jenna has broken down from not eating or sleeping well on a national book tour, not because she's psychically suffering from not letting see her feelings she keeps in a tightly locked box. there's no real benefit for gard either, who is lonely but not cripplingly so. it starts off as a casual-only thing and then both of them (and me) are startled they catch real feelings.

there are some gestures made toward It's Nice To Have Another Woman Around In Case of Physical Injuries Due To Mishap but i would have loved to see more of how gard was won over by being taken care of. gard princess carries jenna into her vet clinic bc of a fucked up ankle and jenna is annoyed, flustered, and doubly annoyed she's flustered.

i think this one was so forgettable bc i genuinely had trouble remembering what the conflict (if any) was. both of them are stable adults with real jobs and other friends. inheriting a farm in vermont doesn't really add any new or exciting problems for either of them. neither of them are very spontaneous and neither can manic pixie dream girl the other out of her shell, and when they finally do emotionally let their walls down it doesn't feel very organic.

the like technical putting words one after another is there, this is her zillionth book and everyone has dialogue that sounds like things real people would say out loud with their mouths and everyone's physical actions map onto my real-world understanding of how bodies in 3D space work. this one did not grab me.

-

this week's gay and/or lesbian romance and/or erotica

title drops in this book: 3.

Heart on Fire is a 167p softcover published in 1996 by our old friend Naiad Press. a slightly water-damaged paperback i felt okay dragging down to the gulf when i was dragged down to the gulf last weekend for my health. this was Diana Simmonds' first solo book and first fiction book, and a lot of older lesbians seem to have a great deal of fondness for it. while i was trying to find any press or interviews, most of the hits were from other lesbian authors citing her as an inspiration. naiad really banked a lot on it being the hit novel of their publishing season and were sure it would eclipse their previous bestseller from nearly a decade ago, Katherine Forrest's Curious Wine. i don't own a paper copy but have placed a libby hold so we will make a detour from physical books in the near future.

overall, a rare book where the third act breakup does actually make a lot of sense: being the partner of a globetrotting traveling musician would put a strain on any relationship whether you choose to stay on the road or wait at home. however! it really did stick the landing! and for that i can forgive it a great deal! the sort of not quite reality of their respective third act depression sojourns and then the incredibly sensory descriptions of the finale concert…very good. very nineties movie about a musician ending if that makes any sense.

while i think the structure is fine, i think the actual craft of the narrative is more variable. we'll go into the style in the next paragraph, but part of the dedication goes "to CCC, without whom it would be full of people thinking to themselves." i wish CCC had dialed their feedback back a little bc i would have loved some more interiority, particularly from jody. i must commend our stuck-in-one-place half of the couple, grace, who makes SUCH fascinating decisions. the traveling musician jody looks like she could be the sister of her abusive ex-husband, grace's brief rebound from jody is her goddamn college advisor… bonkers. what ARE you doing???

stylistically, it feels like sitting on the patio of a lesbian bar for three hours and listening to a friend telling you a very long story about how two absent friends you don't know got together with a lot of elaborations and asides. i occasionally found this style tiresome. there are some charming turns of phrase, like "She wrote the address of the roadhouse on the package, sealed it with a kiss, said "What the hell," to neutralize the sentimental gesture, and dropped it into the mailbox." i also cackled out loud at "I don't know, I-- I really really want you, so much, and I am not very good at being cool about it." did nearly tear up at this paragraph:

some things have aged a little strangely since 1996. grace is briefly forcibly kissed by a very drunk bandmate before jody rescues her, but there are further instances of someone not immediately stopping a kiss or an embrace or what have you when someone else says no, that i think could not be written in a modern day romance novel. there are some very frank discussions of marital abuse right after a literally soul-healing sex scene.

this is a book that could never be rewritten as a straight romance with light serial numbers filed off. no one is in physical danger just because they're gay, but there's a lot of internal homophobia and readjustment on grace's part, and overall people are fairly accepting in theory but not always in practice. jody outs herself to the aussie press, and early on/right after her bus breaks down, grace and her mother discuss this news and her mother tells her off for being prejudiced, but connives to throw them together to distract grace from her recent divorce. her mother is then is very sad about the thought of her daughter who would have a very difficult life as a publicly out lesbian, and I can’t really blame her, but it’s such a switch from the vehement Fix Your Heart Or Die!!! discussion in the second chapter. there are some fraught familial reactions to grace's bisexuality-- her mom basically bullies her dad into remembering he loves his daughter-- but they all do come around.

this was fine and a good beach read, i'm not sure that i'll ever reread it. almost forgot about the sex. i think the current fashion for queer romance novels is not quite as purple, but the whole book is like this and i must respect an author's full commitment in this manner. here are some sex examples on non-consecutive pages.

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did not finish, or finished with severe annoyance

i have become a libby power user in my old age bc texas is remarkably free with its library cards. i don't THINK i'm meant to have five of them but there seems to be no law against it and no one's told me to fuck off? this is good bc i have (at the moment) 44 holds and 56 "notify me if any of my libraries purchase this book" books tagged.

the flipside of being willing to give anything vaguely intriguing a try is that most books aren't very good or they aren't quite what i want. i will DNF anything, anytime, for no good reason. i know that statistically most novels are debut novels but i am so fucking tired of reading debut novels.

Hammajang Luck, by Makana Yamamoto, debut novel published last month. comps include ocean's 8, blade runner, and gideon the ninth. much as i love a heist novel, a heist is extremely ambitious for a debut and i didn't quite vibe with the style. i DNF'd at around the end of chapter seven, it has a very strange issue where we get from location to location pretty snappily but overexplain setting and clothing too much within individual scenes. i think it wants to be a screenplay a little too bad. a great deal of the dialogue is hawaiian pidgin (what the author grew up speaking). very much a me problem, i didn't have any experience with this language coming into this book and it was hard to turn off the kneejerk "this is racist and making fun of black people" response i had. again, very much a me problem.

Yamamoto uses Hawaiian pidgin—“an amalgamation of Hawaiian, English, Japanese, Chinese and Portuguese”—in much of the novel’s dialogue, particularly between Edie and their crew members. It is the “primary language” spoken on Kepler and speaks to the kinship between the characters. However, the decision to include pidgin occurred by happenstance. When writing the first line of dialogue between Edie and Cy, fellow crew member and friend, “it just came out in pidgin spontaneously”. Yamamoto “tried to rewrite it in standard English”, but it “sounded wrong”. Notably, the pidgin and Hawaiian words in the novel are not italicised or translated, nor does the novel include a glossary of terms. Yamamoto felt that these practices were “othering” and so asks the reader to do the work.

i think this is a reasonable thing to ask a reader, and i think i might have to take a crack at it some other time.

The Rainfall Market, by You Yeong-Gwang, a debut novel from last year freshly translated from Korean. a young woman wins a lottery ticket to enter the Rainfall Market on the first day of the rainy season, where she can completely change her life. DNF at two chapters. this seems to be generally marketed as general fiction (which is what my library had it under) but it feels very middle-grade, both as far as sentence structure and vocabulary and the general maturity-- the protagonist is about to graduate high school but her concerns and goals feel more like she's about twelve. not sure if it's an unfortunate series of translation and marketing decisions? rough!

Water Moon, by Samantha Sotto Yambao, the author's fifth book and published last month. the premise of this book is so charming: liminal-space pawnshop where you can exchange your regrets for tea, woman taking this family business over from her father, physicist who stumbles in, oh no! the physicist is playing the scully to her mulder but does not have a physicist Vibe. i think he’s too personable and not tiresome and mansplainy enough to be a particle physicist. he's too nice. she falls in love with him near-instantly. DNF partly because i have never met a particle physicist i could stand to be around for more than fifteen minutes, mostly a DNF bc at about a quarter of the way through this very slow to start book, when the girl turned to the boy after they fell through a pond into a perfect recreation of a edo-era tokyo street and said "this is the other world, you can call it isekai" i did not throw my elderly ailing phone across the room and i did not get up and stomp around bc phil was on my lap but i did vehemently return the library ebook thirteen days early.

Lucky Red, Claudia Cravens, a debut novel published summer 2023. this thoroughly fucking annoyed me. published by the literary group that also ran...basically a budget MFA? they called it a "novel generator in 12 months", they have since closed, and i cannot find how much AI was involved. i do not think this book was marketed well:

A thrilling, raucous, and gloriously queer debut about a scrappy orphan bent on making her own luck in the American West—and finding friendship, romance, and her true calling along the way, now in paperback.

this book is about an older teen in 1877 dodge city who turns to survival sex work. terrible thing after terrible thing happens to this girl whenever she makes a connection outside living just in her own head and for what? it felt like the author was setting up to deliver some moral lesson or theme other than "never question your boss" but never quite followed through. it felt like the author was punishing the protagonist for being a whore even though that’s the book the author chose to write and the author can't quite decide if it's empowering or not. again, it's very strange to read a book where the protagonist is punished for almost every decision she makes and very few parts of sex work are idealized, but then she turns to the camera and reassures the reader with a chipper "but it wasn't all bad!". i wish the protagonist got to mature or grow as a character a little more. i think this could have used more time in the oven and an ending that doesn't feel like a very ill-earned end of every american western ever. thank fucking god this is a real ensemble cast and not found family or i would be much more impatient with this book than i already am.

good at getting me to finish a book bc it's very effective at hustling you from chapter to chapter. great technical skill on that front. bad at any sort of emotional throughline.

things i DNF'd after less than two chapters

Thornfruit by Felicia Davin, published in 2018 and her seventh or eighth book. i am a little annoyed bc this was on hold for over two months but i really do appreciate the AO3-style list of tags and warnings in the front bc now i know there is stuff in this book that is not for me!

Passing Strange, by Ellen Klages, a 2017 novella and her...twentieth? work. a prolific woman. urban fantasy gay historical fiction of 1940s magical san francisco. while i do love a magical painting, i did not have it in me this week to read about a woman struggling with her legacy in the face of a terminal diagnosis.

Nevernight, Jay Kristoff, 2016 first book of a trilogy and his third trilogy overall. he keeps fucking getting me with fun vampire premises but he's very much in the same bucket as paolo bacigalupi in my brain. far more brutal and visceral things happen than you really are prepared for. do not love an opening chapter with disassociation to a past sexual assault in the middle of an assassination, as movie-crisp as the match shot transitions from present day to disassociation were.

plus a nice half dozen varied romances im not going to individually name, bc the last time i seriously used the "tag for later" feature in libby was the summer of 2019 and my tastes have changed. for example i rarely put myself through heterosexual vampire romance books these days.

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yeah these were all right

Red Harvest, by Dashiell Hammett, his first full novel in 1929 after literally dozens of shorts and novellas. this detective noir was like watching a car crash. brutal little book. im positive this is not the earliest example of turning both ends of a town against the middle for your own profit, but it was the one cited for yojimbo so its the one that gets brought up a lot. i think the cast is slightly too large for what hammett is trying to do. sometimes reading noir as something woman-shaped feels like an elaborate act of self-harm.

Unnatural Magic, by CM Waggoner, a debut novel from late 2019. thoroughly charmed by this one! one of the most well thought out country/species/religion/immigration systems and how any and all of those can impact any one specific wizard’s magic. it's like a beautiful clockwork orrery ticking along in the background. very prachett-esque approach to troll gender. the baddie is Not doing good things but the ultimate motivations are really understandable! I get why that happened even if it was a really bad reaction! a line i keep turning over in my head is "worry like a third person in the room." i have put their second book on hold on the strength of this one.

The Firebird’s Tale, Anya Ow, a debut novel from 2016. charming retelling of the fairytale element of a royal having to marry the one who makes him smile. the lead up to and the third act separation itself were kind of stupid, and felt like it wanted to be a duology but wrapped up very fast. has a lot of thoughts about choice and putting the end of things to bed quietly and with dignity on your own terms. also has a lot of thoughts about meanings of stories. the non-magical and non-immortal half of the couple is a possessive prince who falls so hard so fast and is mad about it. they fuck so many times while thinking "well surely this doesn’t mean anything, we're just married for the convenience". they're both so dryly exasperated.

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there's an additional hardboiled noir that was fun but i have nothing particular to say about, and a stack of physical comics from a new library that i mostly hated, but we are almost at the image limit and it is 1030 PM. i can't see why we wouldn't be back to the usual format next week but no promises bc there are no rules

[edmundtheartist]

Daaamnnn! Shame I didn't get to join in on this earlier. But seriously, it really has become annoying with this same repeated concept with Connor, people often act like it's something new and innovative but this shit has been done countless times with this ridiculous "he feels guilty and need a hug uwu!" No, Connor isn't struggling to come to terms with having emotions or having guilt about Jericho and I doubt the other deviants would hold any hard feelings towards Connor considering he appears on the stage with Markus and Markus' relationship with Jericho will drastically increase if he trusts Connor. And why would Connor feel guilty about what happened to Daniel? He murdered/tried to murder an innocent child, I doubt any other deviants would sympathize with him either. What people don't understand is that Connor will always have a subtly manipulative personality regardless of what you do, it is a core part of his character. I could see him have remorse over Carlos' Android as that case seemed to impact him the most and even devastated him because of how tragic the deviant's story was. I keep seeing these same ideas and it's nothing new, it's always "Connor is childlike", "Connor plays with Sumo", "Connor is socially awkward", "Connor lives with Hank", "Connor seeks advice from Hank", "Connor is insecure and naive blah blah blah blah!" it's like a broken record. They understand his character and often insist that he autism or they infantilize him, when in reality is way more mature than Hank most of the time (if not always) and seems to be the only one at the DPD that has common sense and he doesn't even actually work for them either. The dude is clever and poses a major threat as well as Markus.

Something something. Can we explore Deviant!Connor feeling immense guilt for Daniel's death (especially if he lied to Daniel) and Ortiz's android who he immediately ratted out to if you find him. How Connor can get the info from him in the Interrogation but the Deviant will later bash his head against the glass of his cell so fucking hard he shuts down? Connor who ran Kara and Alice into the road. Nearly killing them (or in fact killing them)

Deviant!Connor has to come to terms and reconcile the fact HE got Jericho exposed, and god knows how many Deviants died in the attack. Connor has to tackle all that guilt ON TOP OF, probably having to tackle just the concept of feeling emotions for the first time.

And if other Deviants resent Connor? If he's still "that Deviant hunter"???

LIKE OH MY GOD, I WANNA HUG HIM

[gogglecannon]

[hephaestuscrew]

Renée Minkowski loves Organised Fun, whereas Doug Eiffel thinks Organisation and Fun are inherently incompatible. Eiffel can get hours of enjoyment out of discussing 'What are your Top Five ____?' questions with Hera, but if you asked him the same questions and told him it was a team icebreaker activity, he'd jump out of a window. In contrast, the best way to get Minkowski to engage with pointless questions like those would be to include the discussion on a precisely timetabled schedule of activities. I don't think Eiffel would have voluntarily got involved with Funzo because he would have taken one look at the size of the instruction booklet and decided that maybe he did think they should follow Pryce and Carter Tip 792 after all. I think Minkowski sees a robust instruction booklet on a game as a sign that she's in for a good time. Minkowski believes any day of leisure is improved by an itinerary. Eiffel can't even contemplate following a schedule in his work hours, let alone his downtime.