#or if you had access and got lost in transition etc

[punisheddonjuan]

So I finally got around to updating the version of Ubuntu running on my server from 23.03 to 24.01, but being the tremendous moron I am, I forgot to save all of my Plex configuration files to migrate to this fresh installation. Now I have to wait for Plex to rescan everything and then I have to recreate all of my custom collections, download custom poster art for those collections, and manually retag the metadata for a whole bunch of things that the Plex media agent tagged wrongly (including 356 Looney Tunes shorts from the Looney Tunes Golden Collection DVD which is...ugh that's going to take a while). I also had to send new confirmation e-mails to a whole bunch of people because I removed the old server from my account before authorizing them to access the new one, which also whoopsie crumbles.

On the plus side, I did finally get around to doing this, it had been on my list for months, and there's also enough space after repartitioning the boot drive (I had kept the Windows 11 partition intact in case I needed it, but turns out I didn't) that I've got room to enable preview thumbnails.

[youremyheaven]

Omg rahu-ketu post😳

I was actually discussing my struggles around having prominent swati in my chart and staying grounded in my own reality on a forum fairly recently.

I have a very rich inner world which I essentially live in most of the time, and sometimes I feel like I miss out of my own life because I’m so detached. Limerence is also a big struggle for me, I find it much easier to centre myself in the energy of someone else than to be responsible for my own reality, which I guess comes from the things you talked about like rahu being a shadow planet and the mythology of rahu and obsession.

I also spend a large amount of time on social media and playing games 😶‍🌫️ I’ve tried to make uses of the positives by channeling my imagination into something tangible like art, but I have a hard time actually putting in the work to develop skills since I’m so distracted all the time. I think I’ve spent too much time in my head and now I’ve forgotten how to be in my body lol (my ADHD isn’t helping either💀)

Swati I think is especially a difficult nak because the libra/venus influence is only enabling rahu’s indulgence, unlike saturn or to a lesser extent mercury.

Aside from my personal whinings- the thing you said about occult/astro kind of intrigued me. All of my close family (incl. grandparents, uncles, etc) have atleast one rahu or ketu nak in their big 3, usually being ardra, mula or swati.

My mother’s side has lots of psychics and we have a dream interpretation system that gets passed down the family, whilst my father’s side has many tarot readers. My dad himself is an occultist who is interested in Thelema, astral projection, etc. There’s some interest in astrology on both sides but not particularly in depth and my parents usually end asking me about the transits. Oh yeah and I guess I had that one psychic dream last November that came true the morning after.

In general, my family has a history of very eccentric characters who occasionally got exiled or imprisoned or some crazy shit 😭 I feel like that’s just average Eastern European family lore though. Do you think such isolation is nodal? I think it is but there might be other planetary influence.

That’s enough yapping for today though. Interested to see your post on the positives❤️

Your observation about Swati is spot on

I do think Nodal influence+ well placed/strong Rahu & Ketu are necessary for learning and immersing yourself in the occult. Someone who cannot channel it well will remain ignorant of it no matter how much they read or study it. In some ways the Nodes can be understood as layers of the subconscious and the unconscious. The nodes represent karma (Ketu does) and our unconscious mind is our accumulated karma, if we remain ignorant of it, we will let it guide all our actions and lead us to self destruction. Therefore to have strong/well placed Nodes means you're aware of the different layers of your mind as a result of which you can understand the different layers of reality. Nodal influence creates a fog/veil that cannot be lifted until we gain true gnosis. This is why Nodal people get lost in addictive substances/pass times/people/ interests because their own reality feels foggy/veiled to them so they can only access it from other things. Obviously this is another form of Maya or illusion and that's why even these natives struggle with it. You hate the thing even as you indulge in it because on some level you realise that you're losing yourself to it.

Immersing yourself in the occult requires a certain discipline and consistency that can be hard for Nodal natives (malefic influenced, badly placed etc) to master unless it's well aspected but those who do master it are able to perceive reality and understand the esoteric realm in a truly sublime way. It's rare and magnetic.

I do think Nodal influence can contribute to being exiled/imprisoned/being isolated. There is a reason why 5/6 Nodal nakshatras all belong to the Shudra caste which is the lowest. These natives live lives that are "unusual" or different from the norm. They are "detached" because their life experiences already set them apart from others. They don't belong to the mainstream because they've been put in circumstances where they've been deprived of what is "normal".

Like I said in my post, what is "unusual" can vary a lot and can mean sooo many different things. Majority of the "child star gone wild" type celebrities have heavy Nodal influence. Why? because it's "unusual" for a child to be working or attaining fame and wealth or for their family to use them for the same. When you're deprived of anything ordinary or real, you depend on substances/unhealthy relationships/habits etc to feel centred. This is why after a point these stars "go rogue or wild". They amass a lot of wealth/fame but ultimately they're unable to benefit from it or enjoy it. This is also unusual as these are things typically understood as blessings. Being in a position where you can't connect to or relate to others is a very Nodal experience. That's why a lot of people with these placements are so introverted and withdrawn. If you're a famous child actor, you can't quite go to school and connect to the experiences of other people your age so you feel "isolated". Being imprisoned/exiled is another such experience. It permanently alters you and you don't know how to connect to others who haven't been through it.

I do think isolation is a big theme in the lives of Nodal people. It can be literal or emotional. But it's also obviously influenced by the rest of the chart. Heavy 12h placements also make a native experience the same themes to some extent.

[seafoamreadings]

"astrology is just like mbti types"

NOT IF YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT

this mbti line is one i've heard several times, or at least similar thoughts. some people use that to make a mockery of astrology and others do it to justify their love of both. i especially see science-y skeptics doing this and, before i got into astrology around ten years ago, if i had had mbti on my radar i probably would have felt similarly.

personally i have no issues with mbti types but i don't get very much out of it either. astrology i do get a lot out of. so that's one issue i take with this statement now, as someone obviously very deep into the art.

but one thing i think is more important, is that astrology has many additional practical uses beyond categorizing personality types (although it does do that very well too). in addition to a huge variety of natal charts, synastry charts, composites, and so on, with many more variables accessible than mbti has, we can also do what i consider 'practical' astrology.

knowing astrology and applying the attitude of "as above, so below" - that all the movements of the planets reflect the events in human lives, for one thing - we can get real assistance in real time with decision making, answering questions, and even finding lost items. i would love to see mbti do that - to my knowledge it cannot.

astrology can also be applied to planetary magic, if that's your cup of tea or something you are interested in trying. as the positions of the stars and planets move around, you can reflect them in your life with intention for maximum auspiciousness.

while you can to some extent rearrange your life and surroundings to suit your mbti type, this will require some avoidance and some echo chambers.

with astrology though, you can see what is coming and you can prepare yourself for it according to your personal needs, and these are flexible and variable. you can also see how other people are likely to be affected so you know how to interact with them and know if you really need to avoid them or surround yourself only with like-minded folks. there are also so many traditional remedies for the various transits (or ways to enhance them) based on the planetary correspondences. each planet has a metal, a variety of plants, some colors, etc associated with it which can be used to optimize every transit or natal experience as desired.

[scriptlgbt]

Hey, I have a character in my story, ftm trans, and I read that a lot of trans men never stop taking T, once they start. But I also read that a lot of the changes (if not all) coming from T will not change back if the ovaries are not present/active anymore. So now I‘m wondering: is it true that most trans men take T for their whole lives, and would it be realistic if my MC still took T around 20 years after his transition and everything? Or would it be more realistic if he had stopped?

To answer the main questions first:

It is definitely realistic and normal for someone to continue to take T their entire lives. The effects of T are ongoing, many being reversible and changing, like the effects of any hormone that runs through our endocrine (hormone) systems.

If someone stopped taking T but still had ovaries, it is typical that this would be similar to the effects of a trans woman taking estrogen, only, a bit of a longer path to get there. A lot of the things that estrogen will not change for trans women who have already gone through a testosterone-dominant puberty, will also be similar to what permanent changes occur for those who initially had an estrogen-dominant puberty, then took testosterone, then stopped taking testosterone. There are some things that are variable (like fertility, which is very understudied for trans people in general) but the gist is pretty similar. Things like skin texture, fat redistribution, libido, etc, are often very impermanent. Voices can deepen, but they don't necessarily go back without other interventions. A lot of body parts may grow but not shrink to the same degree.

If someone stopped taking T but did not have any estrogen-producing part of their endocrine system, it is typical that they will still need hormones. Going without either T or estrogen can be really exhausting. (Fun fact though: your body odour is pretty much stinkless, or so I've heard.)

I wish there were any concrete guide I could recommend that lists permanent and impermanent changes to give you a better idea of this, but all the ones I've come across are a bit off. (Like saying that taking hormones makes you infertile. It can make you less fertile, but that doesn't mean it's reliable birth control, and should not be used as such.) Your best bet is to look up as many as you can and compare and contrast the common ones, and google any that vary or are left out of some but not others.

More of a general point:

I think a major thing that a lot of people gloss over is that "transition" is not some before and after thing. There is no set, universal, beginning and end to it. There are many, many moving parts to it, that change dramatically between individuals. Someone could have socially transitioned 13 years ago but have an 88 year old grandmother who supports them but doesn't fully get it because grandma never got internet, and they're okay with that because she's 88 and terminally ill and they know the love is there. (This hypothetical is about me.)

Someone could want to go on hormones for just enough to get a few of the permanent changes they wanted and then go off of it because they enjoy the weight distribution of estrogen.

In far too great numbers, there are also people who go off of hormones because they no longer have access for some reason. Poverty, moving and not being able to find a new doctor, testosterone being a listed controlled substance, supply issues, pharmacists who "lost" the prescription (multiple times), dosage issues, Trans Broken Arm Syndrome, dealing with health issues in the reproductive system that cis doctors have no experience with, inability to access clean and appropriately sized syringes, needles, and a sharps bin, not being able to do injections after insurance stopped covering the gel or the patches, etc. (I have personally experienced most of these.)

Any kind of gender transition is not uniform. It is a mix and match to figure out what feels right for the person doing it. Sometimes external factors like discrimination and poverty can limit what is possible for us, and that sucks. But what we choose as far as names, pronouns, surgeries, hormones, all of that, is ours.

Everyone is different.

-mod nat

[ondeemand]

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire Review

This movie is several months old and isn't really talked about anymore, but I had this review in my notes and wanted to share :)

(It’s also just my general thoughts, not separated by positives and negatives because I didn’t follow guidelines when I wrote this)

I’m a sucker for big CGI monster fights, I think they’re rad as hell, and this one didn’t disappoint. I’m also a big fan of apes, and Kong really felt like the main character of this movie. I’m glad he got to be center stage, because even though I love him, he super lost to Godzilla in the last movie. My boy would have been dead if they kept fighting ;-;

Some of the fights were so funny, like Kong beat up some other apes with a baby ape, wielding him like a flail, I was dying. Also, during a skirmish with Kong and Godzilla, he basically throws pocket sand at him and then Godzilla crashes straight into a pyramid. Three stooges behavior, I loved it.

Skar King was also really cool. In contrast to Kong’s muscular build, blocky silhouette, and strength based attacks, Skar was tall and lanky, leaned at odd angles, and used agility a lot more. Very cool as a foil both visually and physically.

The human characters were pretty good, though I definitely wish I had rewatched the last two movies for a recap because I only remembered like two people.

○ Note from Future Dee: I have since rewatched the other movies in this franchise, and I only remembered two or three people because those were the only repeat human characters lmao. Trapper was a fully new character, so it’s no wonder I was struggling to remember him.

Trapper was fantastic, he was like a gay Ace Ventura who loved 80s music. I’m so glad he didn’t die. He and Bernie are gay to me (the hug, holding his arm, the “I’m gonna kiss you on the mouth,” etc).

I felt kind of weird about the “tribal people are actually magic” thing. When we were introduced to the Iwi in Kong: Skull Island they were just, like, people living on an island. I get that living in the middle of Hollow Earth means they have access to more magical materials, but now suddenly they’re all psychic and can communicate telepathically when in the old movie they were just normal people who didn’t speak.

Plot wise, it did have a lot more buildup than payoff. Godzilla was the B-plot for most of it, and was on his own mission to power up for unknown reasons for like 80% of the film. He and Kong did get to team up for the final fight, but it still felt like it didn’t last very long, and I wish we got to see more of them working together or have the fight more drawn out. Again, I love that Kong was the focus, but a little more Godzilla wouldn’t have hurt. The fights were still incredibly badass, especially the final showdown despite how quick it felt.

Sadly, despite the name being Godzilla x Kong, there was no CGI gay sex scene between the two :(

However, Godzilla and Mothra are married, and now Kong has a new wife and son, so I wouldn’t want to break up these happy couples. Then again, Godzilla and Kong have two hands each. Just saying.

Congrats to Godzilla on her transition, we love that for her.

TLDR

Overall, this movie is a fun, action filled, CGI monster fest. You don’t come here for the plot or the human characters (Bernie and Trapper are the exceptions), and I’m glad the story has shifted away from human drama more and more as time goes on. It’s pure, unadulterated fun, but the overall pacing and structure left a few things to be desired.

7.76/10 practically, but 1000/10 for my childlike excitement over monsters punching each other.

[oh-archivist]

Punk transgender here lmao  Hey, I’m Nikk and it’s nice to meet you! I’m 22 and Non-Binary =) I’m currently going through my gender therapy sessions, on my 6th one! I start T in May and I’m super excited OFC ! I started sessions in Feb 2015 and figured out my gender last year and took the better part of the year researching and such about transitioning with everything ! And knew I wanted to transition and said in 2015 I was going to do it and here I am almost 8 months later from my first thought, I’m on my way to being myself and unbelievably happy in my own body! I haven’t even started T yet and I’m already so much happier being out to my family, friends and most of my co-workers =‘) I’m bless to be able to reach out to so many people via Tumblr and help out as many people as I can! I just feel like I’m actually starting to live my life now that I found myself and am working on my way to being who I’m supposed to be..

I'm 30 now, jfc. Still non binary and I go by Fox now (they/he). The old name was too hetero-normative for me; It helped not only me, but those around me transition into seeing me as more masculine but I needed something more, me, and in 2020, I decided to try something more neutral and it's been Fox ever since.

I, of course, started T. I was on for about 6+ years before stopping in 2020 due to really bad anxiety over my shots; as well as losing a lot of my hair to genetic and T that started in 2018.

I've been off T for 2+ years, I miss it. My body/facial hair doesn't grow as fast or as thick, my period came back, my hips are back and fat redistribution went back to where it was. When working out, I don't gain muscle nearly as easily. I feel dysphoric but not nearly as much as I did before T. I still pass and I enjoy my femininity when I give it narrative. I tried going on T gel but my body doesn't respond to it :') I'd like to go to a doctor and see about trying another brand or stronger dose.

All in all, I'm glad I went on T. I wish I would have had more knowledge about how to slow down the hair loss process. (Those who are curious, Rogaine and Finasteride are you best friends, but not when it's past the point of no return) Or have just stopped T completely in 2017, but I'd still be in the same place I am now, dysphoric, but at least I'd have my natural hair! I have experience with both hair pieces and wigs now that I use them daily to make up for my own hair being very thin compared to what I was used to for 24+ years of my life. It was very hard and difficult transition from thick strong hair to what I have now but I knew the risks and no point in regret. I know I would have regret not going on T. Still learning to love myself since my hair loss. I've lost one of, if not my biggest form of expression. It hurt, still does. But I've slowly come around to wigs and well, beggars can't be choosers.

TL:DR -

I'm 30 now, I go by Fox, on T for 6 years, and off T for 2, stopped bc of anxiety and hair loss, I wear wigs a lot more to make up for hair loss. Changes off T: Period is back, hips and fat redistribution back to pre-T ways. muscle gain not nearly as easy, body/facial hair grows a lot slower/less thick, etc. I lost access to this blog when I was living in Australia in 2018, but recently got it back a little over a year and half ago now, so it's pretty cool to be able to update anyone who knew me, what's been up with my transition.

If you have any questions, hmu!

[greeneyed-jade]

I haven’t posted on here in awhile.

My feelings toward social media have changed significantly in the past two years. I’m 28 now, so that means when I was 26 I completely lost any desire to be active on any social platform.

I can’t explain how I just abruptly stopped posting on everything — Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and I never gave TikTok a chance. I don’t know how to even use TikTok and I don’t really have any desire to.

Sometimes I try to figure out why I lost interest in social media. I’ve mulled over the possibilities, like maybe it’s because I’m getting older now and I’ve been active on social media since I was 12 years old.

Or perhaps in my quest to figure out how to love myself, protect my peace, and practice mindfulness — all of which I was oblivious to until two years ago — that I realized the more privacy I had in my life, the more peaceful I began to feel.

Or perhaps I discovered that making my life so accessible for anyone to see added absolutely no value to my life.

Maybe it’s a combination of all those things — and maybe I’ll be active on social media again one day, but for now, I really only desire a safe place where I can write.

Words have always been a finicky thing for me, as I’m not the most eloquent speaker. It’s difficult for me to process and convert the thoughts inside of my brain into words that come out of my mouth. Let’s just say that I’m not the most articulate speaker.

But that’s why I love to write, and why I’ve always been an avid writer. (Currently I have 643 entries in my “Notes” app on my iPhone — and 120 notes in the recently deleted folder, if that tells you anything.)

Normally I would keep a journal, but in the last year I developed psoriasis on the palm of my dominant hand. As you can imagine, having cracked open skin hinders me from writing with a pen and paper — amongst a ton of other everyday tasks (like opening a water bottle) when it flares up.

So here I am… back on Tumblr. Even after Tumblr went dark and everybody transitioned to new platforms, I always return to it due to the familiarity of it.

I am truly an introvert — being a Taurus, I am completely content in my solitude. Being self sufficient is something I can’t not do. It’s essential for me to give myself two layers of stability in my life — because one isn’t enough. As well as a sense of control over myself, my emotions, my environment, my finances, etc. This causes me to “mind my business” as I like to call it, but really I have zero friends. None at all.

My lifelong bestfriend moved to Florida and we lost touch. I miss her — but I’m happy that she got away from Indiana. I love her enough to realize that she can finally be happy now. Primarily due to putting the most distance between her and her abusive family who made her childhood hell on earth and left her traumatized. Her parents were so horrible that when we were both 15, my mom let her come live with us. We lived in public housing (the projects), but we were blessed to have a four bedroom apartment so she could have her own room. I’m so proud of the woman she has became, and although we don’t speak, I will always love her and would kill for her with no hesitation. I truly do miss her presence though.

But aside from that, I have no friends. I have an eight year old Pitbull who I consider to be my child, and as for my relationship? My significant other… well he’s in prison. And I love him all the same.

So a lot of what you’ll find here is a bunch of everything. I majored in Criminal Justice in college as an undergrad, so you’ll discover I’m passionate about the justice system and the penal system in America. More specifically, I’m intrigued with all of the ways America does “rehabilitation” completely wrong, and the injustices and lifelong consequences it has on a human being, even long after they’ve been released.

I also write quite a bit of poetry.

[i-dont-want-your-hysteria]

Little (friendly) rant to those who haven't been to a DL show...

Just wanna put this out there and say I hope my concert stories and whatnot are bringing you joy- but if they're not; if you find yourself getting sad or jealous or heartsick at them, I want you to know that I get it! I know some of my followers who've never seen Leppard are super happy for me right now, yet also dejected that they haven't been able to have their own live experiences with them yet, and I just wanna let you know that it WILL happen someday!!

Look, I've been aching to see a Def Leppard show since 2018. I tried everything in my fucking 17 year old power to go. I joined a contest and broke it down to a fucking science every hour of every day for 2 months so I had a 1 in 3 chance of winning. But I didn't win. I was prepared to empty literally all my savings and go to the city by myself by any possible mode of transportation possible. But I couldn't drive. No one I knew could drive me. There's no public transit. It just wasn't meant to be.

In my eyes, I 'missed' one opportunity and still haven't completely gotten over it yet. I didn't get another one until 2022. Over the years, I've cried my soul out for countless hours over something I never even had, thinking many a time that all hope of seeing my favorite people on the planet in person was completely lost. I found myself constantly saying "what's another year of waiting, right?" year after year after year. I had my tickets. I had my plans. It was my only dream. But it just kept getting further and further away instead of getting closer.

And then it did get closer. I got numb and afraid of it getting ripped away again. I didn't feel anything until the night before. Sometimes I have trouble recalling the memories of that first show only a month ago because it was just so. fucking. surreal.

But it happened.

I've spent my entire goddamned fucking life on the side of "god I wish that were me", being depressed and thinking I was boring because I never had access to cool events/experiences/travel opportunities, etc.- and now I'm starting to realize that I'm starting to be on the other side of life where people are looking at what I'M doing and saying "god I wish that were me"... it just makes me wanna grab people by the shoulders and say "that WILL be you!!!!"

Part of the reason why I run this blog is to spread as much information as possible- which includes information on everything I experience (meeting Rick, concerts, collecting, etc.) I want to make everything honest and detailed so that there IS some amount of quality information readily available to people like us (mostly teens who don't have access to these types of things), since I don't see anyone else doing something like this anywhere. MOST of all, I do this to try and make people feel like they were there with me!! I want you guys to feel like YOU were meeting Rick or at a concert or whatever!

So take it from me, I get it. You've been patient for too long, and it's gonna pay off someday. <3

[kaypeace21]

Rebel Robin podcast (ep 3 &4 analysis)

For those who haven’t read them yet. Here’s the analysis for podcast ep 1&2. Analysis of Rebel Robin book-here. And eastereggs from rebel robin novel- here.

So the main things I noticed in ep 3 was how Robin spying was shown as a huge NEGATIVE-and Mr Hauser got upset over her doing so. Robin listens to mr. Hauser’s phone call (like Karen with Mike in s3/ us gov spying on calls in s1) & on a different occasion Robin also eavesdrops on a private convo he is having with someone else in his classroom ( like El spying on Mike talking to Lucas in s3). And when he finds out about this he tells her how wrong it was to spy on other people like that. In the past, I also talked about how the theme of spying is shown for many other st characters ( in the show) and how it  isn’t romanticized like people think it is- here .

Anyways , Ep 3 ends with a call from a h*mophobic teen( Dash) telling Robin to “stay away” from Mr. Hauser cause he’s “dangerous”. Why he thinks he’s dangerous is solely for the fact he’s gay.I think this theme may come into play in s4 Hawkins (in relation to the satanic panic). In ep 4 Robin jokes to (gay) Mr. Hauser  : “ So what are you into... satanism?” (Sadly most queer people have been told over and over we’re going to hell for being gay/lgbt+. it’s sadly an almost universal experience.) For those unaware- the ‘satanic panic’ was a right wing christian movement in the 80′s that WRONGLY associated certain things with supposed satanism.  Just some of the many things they demonized : rock music , stephen king , wearing black,  horror/fantasy media, and of course queer people and d&d (hellfire club - the name is a a xmen ref but in the show it’s probably an inside joke about the satanic panic and people being scared of d&d). We see foreshadowing of the satanic panic hinted in s3 (in relation to d&d)- on tv the narrator asks if “satanism” (pans to d&d set) is to blame for the odd occurrances in Hawkins. And given how the s4 el-trailer had the clock say 3:00am for the “witching hour” also called “the devil’s hour” since it’s supposed to be a subversion of jesus dy*ing at 3:00 pm. And the possibility s4 may take place around Easter.  I think we’ll see that religious (Christian) extre*sm  causes many people in Hawkins to interpret the supernatural as ‘satanic’. And no , I’m obviously not talking poorly about all religious/christian people).

After this Mr. Hauser jokes how Hawkins is like “lord of the flies” and how he “worries” what would happen if teens were left to their own devices-like in the book. The themes in the book mostly focus on the dangers of ‘mob mentality’ and how human beings can become v*olent and turn on each other- if the safety of civilization disappears...

This I believe is foreshadowing - i mentioned in a post a while back (here). How movies on the s4 list had the theme of :  a supernatural event indirectly causing towns people to act irrationally and turn on eachother v*olently. Despite literal monsters attacking them from outside (they chose to turn on eachother instead). In the end some townspeople become the real monsters via mob mentality/v*oence/false witch hunts (the mist, the birds, etc). In ‘the birds’ (while people are hidding in a store)- they wrongly  blame certain characters for the supernatural chaos. Similarly, in ‘the mist’ (crowd of townspeople are trapped in a store) and some  start interpreting the monsters as being sent as punishment by god- some town’s people start quoting the bible and saying the only way to stop the punishment is to start “sacrificing the s*nners and nonbelievers”. BIG YIKES.ST references mapple street (where the wheelers and sinclairs live). It’s based on the twilight zone ep of the same name “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street” .The ‘monsters’ of that episode -were the townspeople turning on eachother because they incorrectly think their own neighbors are part of an invading supernatural army. The enemy was actually the paranoia/mob mentality-not the supernatural force they feared.  And yes i do think this concept is linked with 80s satanic panic and will cause some town division/obstacles for our heroes to deal with . **I also think the s4 bts of the Hawkins blood clinic-may be used to show h*mophobia (linked to satanic panic) in the town. Like in one s4 movie “paradise lost”the punk rock boys who were into black clothes, rock music , horror/stephen king books- were accused by the town’s people of being gay AND have demonic powers that are k*lling fellow town’s people.

Mr Hauser says he thinks steve Harrington is Ralph from lord of the flies. And Robin disagrees saying he’s Jack. Personally- since this was when Robin didn’t know/hated Steve. I think Mr hauser is right that Steve is Ralph (one of the oldest boys) who’s “commitment to civilization and morality is strong”. But Jack  (perhaps the popular s4 kid Jake?) and his savage crew take control of the group and start trying to attack Ralph and his friends (steve’s crew- over satanic panic?). How this begins is -

 Jack, torments Ralph and others. And some kids begin to develop savage personalities, after someone claims to have seen a Beast (demongorgan?) in the woods. This creates fear among the boys, which allows Jack to access more power.Ralph gets into an argument with Jack, who splits from the tribe. Many of the other boys follow Jack, who uses fear to manipulate the boys into leaving Ralph. And Jack’s crew begin attacking Ralph and his friends.

----------------

Ok, next topic of ep 4- the sentimental part of my brain got emotional when hearing how upset Robin was. And than Mr Hauser-telling her she’s wrong and she’s not “broken” or “rotten” and “nothing about her needs to be fixed’” (got me right in the feels) . As a queer person- I feel like every lgbt+ kid/teen needs to hear what Mr. Hauser said to Robin. 

However,  the analytical part of my brain -did notice some easterggs/ series parallels.

The convo starts with them talking about music Mr hauser likes (such as Bowie). And transitions to Mr Haauser asking about things she likes, whether she’s being bullied, and he later tells her “ DON’T let other people’s small mindedness make you fell bad about yourself. you don’t need to change yourself-no matter what anyone else says” . And Mr Hauser than says him calling her the “weirdest girl in Hawkins” was a compliment (not an insult-like she initially assumed). 

This is remarkably similar to certain scenes in s1/2. In s1, Jonathan mentions musicians he likes such as Bowie, asks Will about what he likes,  and tells Will “don't like things cause people tell you you’re supposed to-especially not him (their dad who called him h*mophobic names)” . In s2, Jonathan tries to cheer Will up after asking if he's being being bullied. And calls Will  “a freak” (and says it’s a good thing) and he should be content with being a “freak “ and compares Will to Bowie ( who was openly queer since the 70s) . 

In ep 4, Robin also mentions how sad she is that her parents won’t let her ride her bike anymore cause their paranoid about her safety  (like what happened to Will in s2).

Robin (before Mr. Hauser comforts her) says she feels like she has a “rot” inside her  . This is a s2 eastergg that could be linked to either Will or El. Will says his now-memories are “growing”, spreading”, and killing.” Later Kali says the emotional pain caused by her father  caused a “wound” to “spread”. Later allusion-Brenner tells El she has a “terrible wound “ (“a rot”) that Will “grow, spread, and kill.”

The reason Robin rants about feeling like she has a “rot” inside her is because she’s being bullied, and  lost all her Hawkins friends and says  “maybe I’m broken maybe there is just something about me that drives people away? I’m the only common denominator-there’s something wrong with me! There’s something inside of me that’s just rotten and there’s nothing i can do to fix it”. Which 1)-poor Robin. 2) I feel like could easily be How Will feels in s4(who will be the same age as Robin is here in the podcast)- his dad abandoned him, all his hawkins friends are gone , the st s4 movies have h*mophobic bullying in them (and he was bullied in the past). In a interview Noah said Will in s4 “doesn’t really get along with people-it’s just him and Mike.”  I think it fits more so with Will than El . But they may feel similar:  it’s implied in s4 audition tapes she’ll be bullied too,  she moved away from her friends,  and her father (Hopper) fake “passed away.” It could easily be how both Will and El feel in s4- that there is  something “broken”/ “rotten” about them . In fact, in the rebel Robin novel there is even a character named Sheena. Sheena reminds me a bit of a mix between Will and el . She is very quiet, queercoded, and is often bullied. And she finds mean notes and other things stuffed  in her locker- placed there by bullies. A bit like how Will found the zombie-boy note in his locker. A teacher doesn’t stop her bullying just blames her and says “ This wouldn’t happen if you made it just a smidgen easier for PEOPLE to understand you.”(sort of reminding me of that Noah quote about s4 Will not getting along with most people/Jonathan saying not to change himself cause “people” say to). But sheena can be another name for Jane (there was also a 80s show character named Sheena who was psychic) so ...maybe foreshadowing of el/jane being bullied in highschool? Along with Will?

*It’s not a eastergg/parallel...just speculation. Unlike the rebel robin book... in the podcast (in multiple episodes) almost every time she opens up to Mr Hauser about her problems she says it’s ok for him to do the same and she’ll be supportive and listen. However, Mr Hauser (so far) always rejects her offer-much to her hurt/frustration. In ep 4, she asks if he has someone his “own age” he can talk to about his problems-which he says he does. Now... since in ep 4 Mr hauser is paralleled to Jonathan maybe Jonathan will have someone his own age to talk to about his problems (maybe his new friend Argyle?) We see similar to Mr Hauser giving advice/pep talks to (gay) Robin. Jonathan is always giving advice/peptalks to our (gay-coded) Will. But so far- Jonathan has no one he really emotionally leaned on in the same way (Will does with Jonathan). I also wonder if Will in s4 starts gets tired of how he always confides in Jonathan (but Jonathan never does the same with Will  in return)? Like Robin with Mr. Hauser?

[transandrobroism]

just from my own experiences i would say that... pre-transition:

- the general widespread negativity towards men in progressive/leftist/queer spaces - especially online - made it harder for me to realise i was trans. a lot of very terf-esque "kill all men" jokes, jokes about men being babies who need to be "housetrained" etc etc. it added up to a general impression that being a woman was "better" and that wanting to be a man was a step down somehow

- i didn't get good sex ed in school so the first i learned about trans people was in my 20s and the focus was mainly on trans women. it took several more years for me to realise that it was even possible to be a trans man. again, the general negative vibe towards any form of masculinity didn't help with this either.

post-transition:

- when i first came out i went through at least three online communities that were also very anti-men. it was hard to find community at all because all the supposedly mixed trans spaces ended up sidelining trans men somehow.

- one community i was in at around the time i came out to myself was for late blooming lesbians that advertised as an open space for nonbinary people, bi people etc. but in reality mods did very little to prevent a culture of "men are bad, attraction to men is bad, nonbinary is only okay if you're femme about it". i ended up leaving. a lesbian i made friends with there ghosted all contact with me when i told her i was a man and wanted to transition.

- i joined a few trans support/trans memes subreddits but they were also dominated by transfems for some reason. that's not bad in and of itself but they had a tendency to post "jokes" about how testosterone is poison and we should put estrogen in the water supply. it got tiring.

- another mixed trans server i joined was also largely trans women. there was a channel specifically for trans men and they had to restrict access after a bunch of transfems started posting long walls of text in there about their own experiences. it's a small thing but it contributed to the general vibe i got that online queer/trans spaces aren't really for transmascs.

- right here on tumblr i had to block several people for things like denying trans men experience any transphobia at all, calling trans men unsafe etc.

- i think people dismiss this kind of thing as a trivial concern but trans men have i think the highest rates of loneliness and suicidal ideation in the whole queer community. and a big part of that is queer spaces skewing femme and being "women and nonbinary" and generally ignoring or actively alienating trans men because masculinity makes people uncomfortable.

- i don't really have a friend group irl at this point because i lost my main friend group when i came out. they were variously transphobic/homophobic and i didn't feel safe coming out to them. some of them also didn't like socialising with men for various personal/cultural reasons and i didn't wanna make them uncomfortable.

- in general it feels very socially acceptable for women to hate on men and say they don't want male friends or don't want to hang out with men. it's like progressive spaces have flipped cultural misogyny on its head and the cool hip position is that men are terrible and it's okay to want to exclude them from spaces. sometimes this gets justified with the line of "well you wanted to be a man..." as if we're expected to take some gender euphoria from being treated with suspicion.

- i still don't reliably pass all the time and still get misgendered. i've experienced misogyny my whole life and still do sometimes in situations where i don't pass

- when i went to change my gender marker on my medical record i was told I'd lose access to things like gyno care because my record says 'M'. i have no idea what would happen if i needed an abortion

- the fear of sexual assault resulting in pregnancy is very real and probably won't go away until i get a hysto

some broader cultural stuff:

- testosterone is a controlled drug which makes getting it harder, and DIYing it harder

- online trans spaces for DIY hrt clamp down hard on anyone talking about DIY testosterone because it's a controlled drug. this is particularly impactful in the UK where we have waiting lists for trans care that are over 3 years long and often a lot longer.

- there is a lot of general fearmongering and negativity about ftm transition even in ftm spaces. it's a lot of "will T make me ugly/angry/hairy" and endless negativity about bottom surgery and how phallo "looks ugly" etc etc. there seems to be a lot of scary misinformation out there about the effects of T.

- the UK actually went through a stretch of several years where they did no ftm bottom surgeries at all. in the whole country no one was getting dick surgery.

- a lot of the current transphobic push has focused on transmascs and the whole "irreversible damage" thing. the transphobic Cass Review specifically mentioned the rising number of transmascs being referred to gender clinics as a cause for alarm, and that review was used to push through a ban on puberty blockers for trans teens.

- in general i feel like... transphobia towards transmascs involves treating us like confused self-hating women who've been brainwashed into mutilating our perfectly healthy bodies. it's a form of transphobia that infantilises us and treats us like we can't make our own decisions. somehow at the same time we're also inducing "rapid onset gender dysphoria" in vulnerable teen girls, apparently, which makes us sound like a weird cult.

- i also hear the "trans men pass easily" urban myth floating around queer spaces a lot which is bonkers to me. binders never worked for me. and you always hear about how unsafe they are to wear for long periods of time and how you can damage your ribs etc. i can't tell if that's true or just more scare stories about how dangerous it is to be transmasc, but either way it's like... if you're pre-top surgery "passing" involves wearing the Scary Compression Garment that will Break Your Ribs which is either a legit health concern or alarmism that serves to make ftm transition sound terrifying

i can't say for sure how much of this is specific to transmascs, but if i had to pick the main themes of anti-transmasculinity it would be: (a) queer spaces really don't like men and masculinity and trans men often get pushed to the margins or excluded entirely; (b) transmasc transition treated as something terrifying and dangerous to ourselves and those around us; and (c) condescending treatment from transphobes who think we're being inherently misogynistic just for transitioning at all.

❗️❗️ This is asked entirely in good faith. This post is intended to open dialogue and help with solidarity and understanding. ❗️❗️

I would like to hear specifically from trans men and trans mascs how the system of [whatever the fuck you call the intersection of transphobia, misogyny, and specifically your gender- whether transandrophobia, isomisogny, antitransmasculinity, transandromisia, transmisandry, or any that I have missed as there are a lot of words to describe similar concepts] uniquely targets and affects you. Things that you feel other demographics do not experience. Reblogs and replies are very encouraged! If you would prefer, you could dm or send an ask to be added anonymously by me.

This is in the spirit of wanting to understand. I am listening. I encourage all non-trans-mascs to not speak on this topic and let trans mascs and trans men do the talking here. Reblog the post to spread it, but please say nothing.

Any and all people who identify as trans men and/or trans mascs are encouraged to participate.

This is not bait to start a fight. I will block without hesitation anyone who is actively being a shithead on this post. I want to hear and uplift your voices by getting it directly from you.

Click this to access the trans fem and trans women version of this post.

Click this to access the nonbinary version of this post.

Click this to access the intersex version of this post.

[bookwyrminspiration]

How do you think Sophie's family/friends would react to female to male Sophie Foster? Like if it were while she was in the Lost Cities.

oo that's an interesting one! trans sophie, specifically in the lost cities (i'm assuming in the canon timeline with all the other worldbuilding still intact). I don't know if they have the concept in the Lost Cities--I mean I think it's entirely safe to assume that queer elves exist whether or not Shannon writes about them, you just can't erase us.

(note: I will be referring to Sophie with that name and =they/they pronouns for this post simply because name and pronouns are a whole other deal)

I think their immediate family and friends would be supportive, if a little confused, but understand that whatever they're talking about with gender means a lot to them. The elven world follows so many traditional stereotypes when it comes to gender--like hair length, dresses, etc.--and all apparently at will, as Della (i think it was her, might've been Edaline) said that Sophie didn't need to wear dresses if they wanted to wear pants instead, as it was actually the capes that signified nobility and not the dresses. This leads me to believe that there has been at least one other person who has rebelled against the dresses and prefers pants, hence that answer came so easily to Della; it wasn't her first time thinking about it. However, as it never went into practice for Sophie (another thing about her wardrobe that I'll mention in another post. to the person who sent me an ask about it: I saw it! I'll get to it!), it does make me think there would be a little bit of a rocky transition into wearing more traditionally masculine clothing.

it's worth noting that just because they may be ftm, they don't need to change their wardrobe and throw away all their dresses, I'm just including this because we've seen mentions of Sophie disliking the more poofy/obviously feminine clothing throughout the series, so they seem like they might be someone who would want to change their presentation a little.

to get a little more into specifics: I don't think any of their friends or family would be hostile towards them, maybe unintentionally a little dense, but well-meaning. Edaline would be very open and welcome to their transition, whatever that entailed (if anything), and mostly grateful Sophie was comfortable sharing that with her. I think Grady would be protective, the kind of person to question them just a little bit to make sure this was something they really wanted (not because he didn't believe them, just because he'd recognize the difficulties and wouldn't want them to go through it without due cause). I don't think Sandor would particularly care, mainly concerned with keeping them safe and only thinking about it so far as to make sure they feel safe emotionally with him. He'd recognize it as not his place to question or judge, and he doesn't need to know how their gender works in order to respect and protect them.

onto the friends! I think Biana and Dex would be the most supportive upfront and ask the fewest questions. Biana might even take this as a chance to help figure out how Sophie wants to look and figure that out with them. it's right up her alley, as she loves doing others up, and it's a bonding opportunity too, a chance to let Sophie reintroduce themself to her. And maybe she'd take the opportunity to take all those lovely gowns off Sophie's hands...you know, out of support, not at all because she wants them for herself (insert knowing wink here). And then Dex is already used to living outside the norms of society, so seeing Sophie decide to do what they wanted and to stop trying to fit in to a feminine role would just make his ecstatic. Because he knows what that's like and he'd enjoy seeing one of his close friends stick it to the system--and he'd also be very supportive of their journey. I imagine he'd help with whatever technical aspects of transitioning Sophie would want, helping them access resources and all that.

i think Keefe would be a little caught off guard, but once Sophie explains how they feel and he can feel their emotions on the subject, I think he'd be very enthusiastic about them doing what they wanted. he might berate himself for not putting the pieces together sooner, as he could literally feel their discomfort with themselves throughout the years and yet he just brushed it off. I kind of get the vibe he'd help Biana with assisting Sophie in finding their style, but focus more of the appearance aspect over the clothes. Teaching them how to actually wear the clothes together and style their hair and all that. he also feels like he'd start being a little rougher with them, playing around with them and teasing them the way he usually does with Fitz as he works to unlearn the way he perceived them before. Speaking of Fitz, he feels like the kind of friend who would be like "why would you do that?" but only because he doesn't fully understand what they're talking about. Not that he wouldn't be supportive, he'd just need a little more guidance and assistance understanding what they want. he's had a very traditional mindset for a lot of the series, but I think his love and respect for Sophie would be more than enough to challenge his understanding of gender so he could support them. if they had already dated at this point in time, he might want to talk to them privately about that just to understand if that's why things didn't work out or if he'd done something wrong, but that's another conversation.

then there are the other, more sidelined friends, all of whom I think would generally react the same. I think Linh would just go with it and not ask questions, but be pleased that Sophie feels more themselves, perhaps sharing a story of her own about coming into herself and her power and accepting herself as she was. i don't imagine Tam would have much of an outward reaction, being like "why are you telling me this, I don't care" but internally reworking how he thought about them. And I imagine he'd be a little protective, seeing Sophie go outside the norms of society even more. He was scorned by society for years, so that's a subject close to his heart, so while he might not think much of it or how it will affect their relationship, I think he'd be more protective of them, just like from the background. Then Marella would probably take it in stride and say something like "I always knew there was something off about you" but not in an insulting way, just being like ah. that's what it was. you were always a little different and I couldn't figure out why you acted the way you did, but this makes sense. It might answer a question about Sophie she didn't even know she had. Maruca probably wouldn't think much of it, instead focused on the Black Swan and fighting. I imagine something similar with Wylie, both of them going okay that's not my problem, happy for you but also there's some things we need to work on. They'd use their name and pronouns and support them emotionally, but I don't think they're close enough to them to have more of a reaction. it's just...not a priority to them.

this is getting long so I'll stop there for now, but there's also the thoughts of how the black swan, neverseen, council, and elven society as a whole would react to their gender things. I think Sophie would have an excellent support system built up, they're friends and family loving them more than any confusion that might get in their way.

this was a very interesting ask!! so thank you for the opportunity! got a lot longer than I expected it to, but I enjoyed it!

[justice4falum]

do NOT give money to tumblr user roboticwheelchair

Hi, so you’ve probably seen this post or some of its permutations on this website lately! (The old version of this post broke because I mistakenly deleted it. Let’s try this again, shall we?)

This is a “RAFFLE” for a Nintendo Switch Lite and the poster is asking people send them $10 to earn a spot in the raffle, of which there are 52. People have already sent money in.

This post was made by user roboticwheelchair and the name which currently displays on their paypal is “Mick Garcia” - it’s very possible you’ve heard their story already from several weeks ago. User roboticwheelchair claims that they were physically assaulted for being a transgender man, and that they sustained a concussion.

The BAD news is that roboticwheelchair is a blog which has been on tumblr for a very long time, and used to belong to someone named Falum Gibson. You may have heard this name from their #justice4falum campaign ages ago. They are a notorious scammer and has been doing this since 2016. LET’S REVIEW (LONG, LONG, LONG POST AHEAD.)

Part 1: #BieberMeetFalum and Meeting Ed Sheeran

In 2016, Falum ran a Justin Bieber fan account on Twitter called @bieberfreezer (account has since been suspended). They began a campaign called #BieberMeetFalum by posting a Twitter thread about their disability, cerebral palsy, and how they had intended to meet Justin Bieber personally because his music was important to them. However, the venue he was performing at was not wheelchair accessible and Falum uses an electric wheelchair. They were trying to get the attention of him or his team in order to ensure they met. (LINK)

This was a reasonable thing to post about! Accessibility is a necessity. We know this. And they weren’t asking for money. Twitter got this the attention it needed and they were able to meet Bieber despite the trouble. (LINK)

Later on, they gunned to meet Ed Sheeran and succeeded.

Part 2: #TaylorNoticeFalum

In 2018, Falum was on Tumblr as user taylorsgetawaycarxo. At this point they still say they have cerebral palsy, but has also said they have COPD (something they later will drop.) Claiming that they are terminally ill and has 2 years left to live, they talk about how Taylor Swift is their idol and they want to meet her before they die.

This came right after they had done the same thing with Demi Lovato fans, claiming they idolised Demi and needed to meet her, so on and so forth. They ran a GoFundMe for this. 

The GoFundMe is now defunct, but the URL was “falumlastwish” I believe. Here’s where the plot gets a little lost, because the sheer number of different GoFundMes, donation posts, and meet-a-celebrity campaigns that Falum was running in these couple of years is... pretty wild. There’s a post from another blog here on Tumblr about the Taylor Swift fandom’s run-in with them. (LINK) 

Here’s a GoFundMe they ran from a music fan account on Instagram, where they were asking for help escaping homelessness. They raised almost 5,000 dollars out of the 10,000 they were asking. (LINK)

At some point they also ran a GoFundMe for a PTSD service dog. I’m not sure how much they were asking for this one, but they apparently made $880 off of it. 

Part 3: Ellie Elizabeth

This part is a little muddled, because the tumblr blog connected to it has been deleted and it’s really difficult to find archives of the posts, but at some point in early 2019 Falum started using the blog ellie-elizabeth21 to ask for money as well. The story was that they were being sent to conversion therapy for being bisexual by their father, who had them deemed legally mentally incompetent. Further stories they posted about were potential evictions, needs for grocery money, etc.

Here’s a link to an imgur album of some of the posts this account made. Many of them achieved their goal of over $200 or more. (LINK)

“Ellie” also ran a GoFundMe to escape conversion therapy. Although the person running the campaign was listed as Ellie Elizabeth, the “beneficiary” listed on the campaign is Falum Gibson, proving that Ellie was another pseudonym - just a better hidden one. Here’s the link to that GoFundMe, where you can see it for yourself. (LINK)

This was Ellie Elizabeth’s PayPal account at the time, I believe? And anyway, you might note that they apparently made nearly $6,500 on this account.

Part 4: #Justice4Falum

Now in November of 2019, Falum moved away from the world of Fan Internet and decided to try out something new. They made the blog roboticwheelchair in September of 2019 and reblogged a photoset of cats to it, which for a while was the only thing on the blog besides the donation post they initially made. They’ve gone through a cycle of reblogging and deleting things there, basically clearing out the blog every couple of weeks to make a new post.

At this point they were also @falumgibson on Twitter. The account has since been locked. This is when they posted a GoFundMe describing medical abuse they were allegedly undergoing at the Ottawa Hospital. Weird side note, this GoFundMe is still running and can be donated to, though obviously I’m recommending you don’t do so. (LINK)

They made several donation posts on Tumblr about this campaign, frequently linking it or their PayPal account and asking people to donate. Sometimes it was to go directly to their legal fund for this lawsuit, other times they were asking for money for medications or other immediate costs.

Side note, they had claimed to be in the hospital since August of 2019 due to suicidal ideation and claimed they had been psych warded. From what I can tell, the Ottawa Hospital General Campus they claimed to be hospitalised at does not actually have a psychiatric ward. It has a mental health team, but they appear to do outpatient work. It’s not really clear what they were in the hospital for at this point.

#Justice4Falum was originally about fundraising for a place to live because apparently they were in danger of being forced to leave the hospital due to homelessness. Later on they turned it into a legal fund to sue the hospital for mistreatment.

Part 5: Further Fundraising, Coming Out As Trans

While Falum was in the hospital, they started identifying as nonbinary. I’m not in any position to speculate about whether or not Falum is transgender, because that’s honestly not the point. Either way, they have started using their trans identity in much the way they use their disabilities - as a way to garner sympathy and trust, and to scam people out of money.

On their Twitter at this point, they did seem to have kind of a bizarre interpretation of how transition worked and appeared to be under the impression that the first thing trans men do is get top surgery? (LINK)

Shortly after this, still during the November that #Justice4Falum ran during, they began asking for donations to a different PayPal account than their normal one, because their stepdad was dying of cancer. There was a GoFundMe for this as well, but it appeared to feature their parents and was possibly not created by Falum.

No date on this tweet unfortunately, but right after that, they made a post about how they had been outed to their transphobic father and needed to escape living with him.

At this point, Falum has added several diagnoses to those they claim to have. In addition to cerebral palsy, they now claim to have multiple sclerosis and several mental illnesses. No more COPD, though! I’m very impressed that they recovered from a terminal illness!

Now that they’re out of the closet, in early December they begin making donation posts on Tumblr again and have now made a Patreon. (LINK: POST) (LINK: PATREON) Soon after this, they apparently left their home and became homeless, and started posting about this on Twitter and linking their PayPal.

In late December they posted on Twitter about having attempted suicide by taking 75 extra strength Tylenol. Warning for a photograph of their IV in this link. (LINK)

Not very long after, Falum returned to their narrative of being terminally ill by posting about how their multiple sclerosis (something they have only claimed since 2019, I believe) causes them over 20 seizures a day and will eventually kill them. (LINK)

Then they locked their Twitter account and decided to try something new.

Part 6: Connor Kay, “anontransman”

Enter Connor Kay. At this point Falum makes a new Twitter account called @ConnorIsTrans which eventually morphs into @anontransman. They initially link this account to their old main account, saying that they’ve switched in order to be openly trans on their new account because their transphobic father is stalking them. (LINK)

They continue asking for donations on Twitter, now with a Ko-Fi account called Connor Rocks.

They also post a story about an ex-friend of theirs spitting on them for being trans, apparently, and say they’re calling the police on her, which really doesn’t seem like something that’d be safe for a disabled trans person to do but whatever. (LINK)

On their blog at roboticwheelchair, they post stories about how they are being assaulted and mocked for being transgender. I should note that on Twitter they’ve said they are not out IRL and have not taken steps to transition.

Not only does this particular story sound kind of like the “down with cis bus” post, it’s also somewhat suspect that they allege they were called a tr*nny as an AFAB trans person, given who is generally targeted by that word. But. Moving on.

When the COVID-19 pandemic came around, Connor created a Facebook group for disability support. This was run by the Facebook account Connor Kay, which has since been deleted. It was the same account that they used to have and they’d not changed anything except for the name; prior posts showed it was Falum Gibson’s account.

It turns out they deleted this Facebook account because someone on Facebook posted about their years-long history of scamming people online. Here’s a link to an imgur album of some of the Facebook callout and the images the OP posted. (LINK)

So Falum, or Connor, decides to start anew with an all new PayPal, Ko-Fi, Patreon and Twitter account. At this point they begin to break away from linking these accounts to the name Falum Gibson and their past donation posts, although they are still using the same Tumblr blog. They change their Twitter handle to @anontransman and remove links to Falum. (TWITTER SCREENCAP) (KO-FI SCREENCAP) (PATREON SCREENCAP)

Then they tweet about how they have been diagnosed with cancer. (LINK) Then they begin asking for $100k to go to the US for treatment. (LINK)

Soon after, this Tweet has been completely deleted and they have instead started asking for money for top surgery. (LINK) I believe this is in reverse chronological order, but here are a week’s worth of tweets from them - all deleted at random times in order to make room for the others - asking for money for various reasons. Yes, this was all literally within the same week. (LINK)

Note the very last image of that album contains a reference to an “Amazon Raffle” - they were basically telling people that donations would win them a spot in a raffle for an Amazon gift card or something? It seems they moved on from the @anontransman account before the raffle could come to fruition, or possibly that they just deleted all references to it. Not sure.

In April of 2020, roboticwheelchair posted a specific donation post about being attacked for being transgender and sustaining a concussion. They said they did not see a doctor after the assault because they didn’t think it was important, so their concussion went untreated and because of it they were unable to get groceries. The donation post linked to Connor Kay’s PayPal account. It was deleted and reposted several different times, with basically the same text.

Part 7: Mick Garcia

This is a more recent post with the exact same story, now about their multiple sclerosis medication. The only difference is now that the PayPal link sends you to the PayPal of Mick Garcia. Mick Garcia has a different PayPal username than Falum, Ellie, and Connor did.

On April 12th, the @anontransman account deactivated after Falum, or Ellie, or Connor, or Mick decided to leave Twitter. Then yesterday on April 19th, it reactivated and they tweeted once again.

However, around this same time, another Twitter account under the name Mick Garcia with an icon @anontransman used to use and a very similar tone/style cropped up.

The Mick Garcia account has not tweeted yet, as it appears that they may be staying with @anontransman for their current purposes, but it appears that for some reason or another they’ve decided to start going by Mick Garcia now.

I guess it’s probably relevant to note that while I suppose there are probably some white people out there with the last name Garcia, Falum is really seriously white and it’s suspect they would pick out Garcia as a pseudonym, whether they list “white” in their Twitter bio or not.

More from the current state of the roboticwheelchair blog includes many, many posts where they’re either reposting their own petitions or basically grabbing for as many followers as possible. You can probably guess why. (LINK)

As of April 20th, 2020, there are 2 donation posts still standing on their blog. Here are both of them. (LINK)

Finally, The Switch Raffle

Literally today, April 20th, roboticwheelchair posted something that is allegedly a raffle. They claim to be giving away a Nintendo Switch Lite to a lucky winner. There are 52 slots in the raffle; they are asking that people send them $10 over PayPal in order to enter. They’re also claiming this is to further fundraise for their medication.

They are claiming their doctor has put them on an MS medication that costs $450 every two weeks. (Note that if they’re trying to make money for that right now and also going to buy a Switch for the winner, than they’d only have about half of that at the end? The Switch Lite is about $260 in Canada and their total earnings from a full raffle would be $520.)

You should not give money to them for this raffle, or for any reason. The reason I’m compiling all of this is because after months of seeing them pull this scam over and over again, they’re now promising people an actual product that given their history, I would say they are highly unlikely to deliver.

Given their past, it is most likely they will delete this raffle once they have the money they want, and refuse to allude to it ever again. Or maybe they’ll just disappear! Or hell, maybe they’ll have some kind of nebulous problem ordering the Switch when someone wins, and that’ll be that.

But it’s clear based on this history, I hope, that Falum or Ellie or Connor or Mick has a long history of taking lots and lots of money from strangers online. Like, a lot of money. My estimate is that they’ve made over $15k on this, and that’s exclusively based off of the visible numbers on their GoFundMes and Ko-Fi accounts.

Please do not give this person your money. They are not trustworthy. There are other people who need it - like you, or maybe like, someone you personally know and not some complete stranger who keeps telling people they’re terminally ill so they can meet a cool musician.

Disclaimer

I’ve compiled all of this information to the best of my ability, but I am just one person and it took a lot of digging due to the deleted accounts involved.

Falum is actually disabled; I believe they do have cerebral palsy and may have other disabilities. I do not know if they really have MS, but it’s hard to trust them because they previously lied about having terminal COPD.

I have no idea if Falum is really transgender or not. They have apparently taken no concrete steps to transition, which I know means very little. That being said, if they are transgender, they are leveraging their identity in dangerous ways against other people for money and sympathy. Their stories about being assaulted by strangers for being transgender are highly suspect, given their lack of transition and the fact that the scenarios they describe are highly cliche.

Finally, I’m not trying to harass Falum or threaten them in any way. I don’t know them. If they’re interested in talking candidly about what they have been doing all these years and why, that’s fine. I would honestly love to understand, but at this point it seems like the only thing they can do is apologise for their dishonesty and stop doing this.

Reblog this post if you want! The point is to get the word out there, because this person has been a pervasive presence on this website for some time and has not yet been called out.

[ofcloudsandstars]

Samhain celebration advice?

Ahhh!! So much to do!!!!

So I have made a Samhain Solitary Celebration Post but it needs some updating and the fact that we are in a year where you can’t do shit lol it needs some revision so let me just make a newish post here:

Wow this took me a while to type up and it’s a lot of info so I am going to first post this with a Read More talking about a brief background of the Holiday and how I celebrate the Sabbat for context and insight for my suggestions. Then I will reblog with the suggestions haha

To get into the origins, meanings and very glossed over history of Samhain, it's a celebration from Ireland celebrating the end of the year, the descent into darkness (they observe this time as the beginning of winter or transition into winter) and celebrating ancestors and passed away loved ones as they felt the spirit world was more tangible in the darker times.

The thinning veil thing actually comes from the victorian era. Old irish people did not believe in the spirit world as another dimension separated by a veil, like they thought you can access the spirit realm in nature like in hills or forests. It’s also why they were like don’t step into anything nature makes into a ring like mushrooms or trees or else you’d fall into the faerie realm which was more like a spirit realm. There's a lot here to unpack so I am going to leave it at that. Also though Ireland has it's wisefolk and definitely has fairies, the spoopy witches up to shenanigans on the night comes from other traditions like settler American folklore that bought Halloween over.

Obviously Samhain morphed and evolved and even got a little warped from it's original source. Bringing in Neopaganism here and the wheel of the year after having invaders bringing Christianity and then apathetic atheism kind of wipe out the traditions of people from the land in England and have all of their roots and spiritual connection to the land lost, some people modern day put together a cycle of celebrations based on the agrarian cycles and a collection of Celtic festivities (mostly Irish) surrounding  growth/fertility/harvest/death that many witches, wiccans and neopagans celebrate. I felt like when I was living in the US of A this distinction wasn't really important cause we were already neck-deep in American capitalism bastardized halloween lol but now I live over here with a handful of Irish people, neopagan/witchy samhain isn't the same as Irish Samhain since the reconstructed Samhain feels a bit like a conglomeration of the western Day of the Dead celebrations that people are trying to reconnect with after generations of people were stripped away from the roots of their culture. (Of course other Celtic people have their day of the dead autumn-turning-to-winter celebrations but I am just clarifying that Samhain is still a thing in Ireland where as the wheel of the year took all of these various celebrations together and smashed them in one). This is when I say I call these festivities their Celtic names as point of reference for other witches that want to celebrate the Earth's cycles and their connection but really it's more like a westernly universalish day of the dead celebrating the height of autumn (the season of dying) the return to darkness and the shadowy realm, reconnecting with our shadow selves (most people get depressed this time of year but it's good to do some internal work to make peace or find harmony then dread it), celebrating the season with delicious in-theme food and making peace with death as it's apart of nature and celebrating passed away loved ones.

Not that most Irish people may care, but to this sad day I realize that England is still doing the most harassing everyone from neighboring countries and denying them rights to celebrate or keep their culture in tact (like denying people the right to keep their languages alive and stuff like that) and already some Irish people living here expressed sadness that people don't take Halloween seriously cause they think it's some American thing when really it's a time they get together with their families and I am like yeah that's fucking wack how people here forgot that history and they pass it off as unimportant. I think sometimes context matters and knowing where and how to tread so maybe if you're in the USA it's not too much of a big deal but I try to be mindful here about it. Not saying that you can't call it Samhain, more saying that you should be mindful and know when to express the distinction in case someone asks in order to respect it's origins and respect Irish people still trying to keep the original traditions intact. (Sometimes I refer to it as the Autumn Crossquarter to make it sound more universal). Also not saying that the neopagan reconstructed Samhain is less important or less valid, more that sometimes distinctions are important in order to be respectful when the original holiday is still in practice by people discouraged to hang on to their roots. 

I do have some Celtic and English ancestry but not heritage. To me heritage means that my parents or even grandparents passed it down to me DIRECT, and my dad passed down his French culture and my mom passed down some Haitian culture and so I say I am french and Haitian. Yes there was some Irish guy in my family back in the day and apparently I am 30% English which messed with my head when I found out through those DNA tests lol (like some fraudulent shit was happening on my French side apparently?!?! How do you get 30% english??) but culturally nor heritage-wise I am not English or Celtic because it wasn't passed down. Like maybe if I had kids here they would have some English ancestry and be culturally english for being born here but just cause I live here doesn't make me this.

Anyway I am clarifying this because when I celebrate the wheel to me it's a spiritual, animist and agrarian cycle where I celebrate the beginning of seasons and the middle-to-transition of each season and their parallel to our life cycle and the moon phases as well. They all overlap and I made a post about it. If you look at the wheel from this perspective it makes the experiences more universal and easier to understand spiritually and why I find all 8 holidays as equally important. I don't worship any Celtic gods or make any art or crafts dedicated to goddess etc. The only "deity" being worshipped is the earth in an animist way and the spirits coming from there. The only thing that doesn't make this as universal as possible is that they relate to 4 seasonal temperate land so if you live in the tropics or the deserts you have to come up with your own wheel but I am planning to make a guide on that cause it's not as challenging as it seems.

Anyway this is quite the large nutshell but tossing in the incredibly glossed over history, the heart of it's meaning and relation to nature (and we are obviously apart of nature so how it relates to ourselves individually), and how I and many others observe and celebrate it from a multicultural view that is all-inclusive as our middle ground is the earth underneath our feet yet also being aware of it's true origins to make the distinction when it matters, can help you understand my recommendations below!

[solistair]

Happy New Year! ♥

It’s the time of year to make this post again, there might be some sad but there’s plenty of good as well, promise!

In short I want to wish you all the most wonderful transition into a new year, and that you will all have the strengthened mindset to make 2021 a better year despite the hardships that you may or may not go through. With all of my heart, Happy New Year, my loves, and the biggest of hugs and well wishes to you and your loved ones! ♥

This year has been kind of hell, other than the obvious entré of Miss Rona. My friend and I got fucked over by an old friend, lost our flat, I lost all my savings saving my credit, and then I moved in with my partner. I am beyond thankful for the support and love this man has given me, and though the lockdowns and have forced us to be in the same room 24/7 without work or school to go to, I think we’ve made a great job in keeping our sanity. ♥ In a stressful period of not knowing where to live he stepped up and helped me, and for this I will be forever grateful. As I worked through double workload of university assignments, work shifts, then job loss, then the most anti-climactic graduation in the world, he has been by my side. But as the year ends, so does my relationship after just over two years. Second time breaking up around holidays... I don’t recommend it, no fun! Jokes aside though...

I’m once again in a position of looking for a new home, although now as an unemployed person supported only by the government. Being stressed is an understatement, feeling heartbroken is too simple, though being lost feels right on point. I might be going back home to Sweden for a while, while things are slowly stablising, continuing my job search while there. I’ve met my sister and nephews only once in the past year and half, same with my mother. Dad I was lucky to see three times because he came to London for work. I miss my family. My heart really goes out to you who have been forced to distance yourself because of the circumstances.

Because of my current situation I started a patreon for my creations, offering Early Access to my CC. I was so worried about this because when I left the community over a year ago, patreon had a horrendous reputation here! I’m glad there’s a bit of a shift lately. A massive thank you goes out to my patreons, both current and old, for helping me receive a little something for what I love doing. It’s so exciting to see you want to support me and to gain access to my content earlier! It helps me greatly, in so many ways. Creating gives me so much joy and truly is an escape, creatively and mentally.

Through the hardships and annoyances, this year granted me an amazing gift - you all. I decided to come back to the TS4 community as a refreshed creator, reconnecting with a lost hobby, and I was truly welcomed back so warmly. Many, to whom I was previously close, have either become inactive or left the community altogether which made me feel a bit alone. In my want to find new friends I joined Planet Mari, a discord server led by one of the kindest persons I’ve met on here. Through this discord I’ve met likeminded people, oddballs, clowns, creators, storytellers, and artists - all whom I hold SO very dearly today! You all have made my life so much brighter with all the laughs, memes, music, edits, art, stories, helping, joking, etc... it’s nuts how much I love this server. And to all of the community who interact with me and/or my content, you really brighten up my days so much!

It’s a tough time, but I try to hold on tightly to the small joys while chasing a bigger one. Life’s a journey for sure and not always an exciting one! But hey, 2020 brought an enormous amount of change and trials and I for one am stepping into 2021 with a weak smile and small steps, something I am very proud of. You don’t need grand resolutions, a clear focus, high goals, or have everything figured out. Taking it one step at a time is an amazing thing alone after what year we’ve all had.

I wish you all the best, and here’s to another year I hope to fill with fun conversations, loving relations, warm memories, new creations, and exciting adventures - big and small! 

Happy new year, my loves! ♥

[cowboypossume]

so i reread keeper of the lost cities and here’s my fresh input:

a note before we begin: you know how people fake throw up at things on tik tok? this book is the reason i now unironically do that.

dex and fitz really have the enemies to lovers troupe going for them and i’m ok with it. i really am.

so do sophie and biana at the beginning but it fizzes out so a better description is enimies to friends to lovers

marhella and stina give me such power top energy i cannot express how much i think that contributes to people not liking them

speaking of stina i wish sophie didn’t just immediately hop onto the bandwagon of “oh she’s evil” without investing further, especially with how much she is written as a ‘good’ person (which i can and will defend to the day i die that good people don’t exist but that’s for a different day).

there’s way too much heteronormativity and Patriarchical Ideas mushed into the book. like three hole pages of a 488 page book of teenagers being like “oooooo girls like guys and guys like girls” only for della to join in. not to mention the amount of times keefe is the reason for those ideas because he’s teasing like “oh fitz has a girlfriend”

keefe and fitz didn’t have as many bonding moments™️ in this book as i remember, but they stil know each other really well, have comfortability around each other, and would make a 10/10 best friends to lovers troupe.

oh my god s o many crushes i swear. like two teenagers of the opposite gender really can’t not like each other apperantly

i miss read a line and really thought there was cannon sexism for me to do a whole ass rant about in the notes part of my analyzation but n o p e

but we do have classism, sexist stereotypes, and the fact that there’s been SO many characters who’ve spoken and ✨🌺far too many of them are white🌺✨

oh also: no ones disabled. which annoys me because their society is described as ‘euptopic’ almost implying that it’s something that makes people problematic, which,,,, no

ok a side note on the society, i understand that the story’s message (kinda) is that things that seem perfect are probably deeply flawed, but something tergan said stuck with me. on a page i can’t remember at the moment he says something like “[the black swan exists] in a society that doesn’t have rebels”, which it suck with me bc that’s boarderline dystopic if it’s not there already. it’s one thing for laws not to be broken, but when you think your society is so perfect despite it having obvious flaws and you think that no one rebels, then i really hate to break it to you, you have a massive rebellion about to occur; it’s just scented as foul under your resplendent nose.

please stop flirting. i get its part of teenagers being teens but i swear if i read “s/he realeased a breath” or “their heart fluttered” or literally ANYTHING like that god no.

yall. i missed dex. he actually has more role in this book than ‘you can gadget and we need one’ and oh boy i really missed him. he’s a BEAN and deserves better.

hole’s said everyone deserves better and i absolutely agree so we’re adding that note here.

if you do what i did and read this book out loud to one of your best friends who has no clue anything about this weird fandom and give fitz a really deep voice for no reason it’s comdy GOLD.

i really think i’m reading too much into this point but iggy seems,,,, symbolic to me?

like ok with humans, sophie didn’t ‘fit in’, right? like she grew up hearing things like “why can’t you be normal like your sister” (which i can do a whole other rant about how that will affect her for the rest of her life just a s k)

not to mention looking really different from her family and graduating high school at age twelve 

but you know who never judged her?

m a r t y

so anyway sophie meets this teal-eyed, movie star smiled wonder boy who takes away her entire knowledge of everything she’s known while taking away her family too

and it turns out even in a place of weirdos she still manages to be the exception to everything

and she doesn’t have the comfort to hear what people are really thinking about her anymore (which as i said before say the word and i’ll deadass write a whole speech about how everything she heard will completely fuck up every relationship she has) which unfortunately means that she grew used to confirming people didn’t like her but now she doesn’t have that

she has to adapt to this new space and feel like she’s always felt, like an outcast in a place that was accepting, but yet again, she the exception to everything

but about halfway through the book she starts to become more comfortable around grady and edaline and that’s when iggy comes in

she finds him while cleaning garbage, and grady compliments her. they have a bonding moment and it’s because of this t h i n g. and then sophie actually feels proud not only does she take up a room, but she did something

and her new parents are proud of her

so she finally feels like she BELONGS because she helped out at the place where she lives/they work

to me it seems iggy is kinda a manifesto of the world building and character development that happens in this book

i think the plot/character arc is fixated a little too much on how different sophie is. like, i get it, she’s exception to everything, but the plot really didn’t need her to be that quirky. yes, she’s different, but there’s a lot more to the plot and her character than how different she is.

also, i had to reread pages a lot bc i needed an exact paragraph number and,,,, it’s really paced like a fanfic

some questions i have about the society is:

it’s established that they use books, physical papers, etc., and the only thing i remember about trees is the speech alden gave her about how she doesn’t know the name of their most popular tree, and the fact that people become trees when they die. even then i don’t think the second one is in this book. never o n c e do i remember something about planting trees that aren’t dead elf’s, so do they feel the affects of deforestation and that jazz?? like if they use trees, will they run out of them? can they??? and do they use the coffins of elf’s for paper??

this is more of a rant than a question, but here it goes anyway. in foxfire, students have a testing system very similar to the one in america: a huge test at the end of the year determines the future of a student. that in of itself doesn’t sound too drastic, right? well,,,,, not necessarily. several studies have shown that tests in general, but especially these types, don’t work. despite how good or bad of a teacher i think my past and current teachers have been, every single one of them hates this system that we have in place. they know it’s an unfair assessment that does it’s damnist to make you fail, and they’re trying so hard to denounce it. however, that doesn’t happen at all in the lost cities. in fact, most of the teachers pride themselves on failing students. so if elf’s are in such an advanced society, why do tests still exist? especially in an environment where the consequences are far greater than just staying back a grade. 

so sophie’s figuring out that major problems exist in the world the elf’s created, right? i wonder if more society structured problems exist more than ‘oh bad people do things and the law justifies which is what’. like, as i’ve previously stated, there’s sexist stereotypes presented (like girls like dresses and guys don’t), but does sexism still exist? does racism exist? it’s established that poverty isn’t a thing because of the fund elf’s have at birth and their limited usage of money (which if you understand please explain bc i don’t really get how they buy stuff but still don’t use money) but if someone gets shipped off to exile, do they lose their money? is it possible for elf’s to starve to death because they can’t afford food? do they pay for food?? if they did starve who would they call? because someone on this website, who’s post i tried to find but i couldn’t so if y’all know what i’m talking about please link it, brought up a good point that elwin is a school physician, he shouldn’t be dealing with the near-death experiences sophie has, so who would they turn to? especially if they don’t have access to foxfire because they got exciled??

is therapy a thing in this world? sophie and dex could really benefit from it, yet mental health has only been brought up when someone went insane, which REALLY shows how little they think about it.

that perfectly transitions into my next point: sophie and dex’s trauma. i really don’t get the vibe that there was much thought going into their kidnapping, other than sophie needed something to trigger her inflecting ability and establish the black swan are on the good side, which really sucks because wow trauma doesn’t happen lightly. and the fact that it happened seems rushed to me, but i’ll come back to that. but anyway, their trauma doesn’t get developed that deeply in this book because it wasn’t given the space to. they were beaten, tortured, starved, gagged, and who even knows what else for t e n d a y s, only for them to find them again, repeat the process, but someone saves them and dumps them into an illegal city and they both nearly die from dehydration, coldness, and lack of concentration, and you’re telling me after three days of conscious of bed rest sophie wants to get her failing out of school over with? ma’am, it takes more time than that to adjust to THAT alone, not to mention the realization that “hey your entire life is fake because people genetically altered you to be their weapon in a war so much bigger than yourself” that was recently dumped on her. like,,,, you really expect me to think that three days is what made her feel prepared and CONFIDENT? no sir. i don’t buy it.

coming back to it being rushed: the book starts out slow and then really hits the ground running and doesn’t stop. so much more stuff happens in the second half of the book than the first and it never gets fully developed it feels like. in the first half sophie moves away but gets a new family and struggles a bit but adapts, fires maybe but hey don’t worry about it, dex hates fitz, fitz is ✨d r e a m y ✨ but our main girl doesn’t like him like that, right?, stina’s a bitch, and sophie is a quirky girl and telepath but can’t tell anyone. pretty basic stuff, not too plot intensive. the second half though: sophie almost fails her midterms but doesn’t, grady and elaine want to unadopt her (which that’s never really explained as to why they do that but ok) fires exist in san degio but they’re fine but they’re actually a rebel elf so..., sophie accidentally breaks a law but it was an accident so it’s fine, update on the fires: sophie burns herself trying to get the evidence that it’s a rebel elf and it works, she’s the moon lark and basically a weapon bc no one knows her well enough to evaluate her safety, sophie and dex get kidnapped but fitz can now transmit to her and she has two new abilities so it’s all good, trauma doesn’t exist except for nightmare you can fix with sedatives, sophie doesn’t fail out of school, and yayyy her family doesn’t want her remove their adoption. there’s probably a lot more that i missed, it’s just that’s a LOT of stuff crammed into a little bit further than the second half of the book that really could have been devolped or explore further instead of forcing into less than 244 pages, ya know?

fitz’s eyes are mentioned seven times, the first time being on page TWO of the novel

his smile is mentioned three times

alden says “no reason to worry” five times, he writes it once, and sophie points out he says it a lot so he chances it slightly to something like ‘don’t stress about it’ so i didn’t count those though i should have

speaking of alden, in this book he’s absolutely creepy, but something that stands out to me is how much he calls sophie girl. i didn’t count it, but he said “that’s a good girl” to sophie too many times for it to be normal especially when you consider how he doesn’t do it to anyone else.

i kinda forgot i was annotating for sophie’s anxious habit of pulling out her eyelashes so i got she did it twice, but i highly doubt that number

but i will keep adding to this when i actually do the words with my annotations.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

I unfortunately didn’t blog-stalk you before sending that first ask or I would have known to direct myself towards that trans Nate hc, which I’d love to hear more about

Also, the notes re: Serena and Georgina reminded me of an old au I have where after Georgina outs Eric while lily is still in shock/not really responding well, Serena basically is like ‘well actually mom, both your kids are queer as in fuck you’ and then, well, remembers Georgina’s at the table so I would love to hear about your thoughts on uh. Either of them? I guess

that ask specifically is tagged atrociously, even i need to dig to find it, and this is my blog kkhdslkfdh so even if you HAD blog-stalked me it wouldn’t have made too much of a difference tbh, don’t worry! also i realised that noah’s changed their url since i made that post, so: he’s now @aceemilythorne & this is the moodboard i linked. i said in the tags of my reblog that that moodboard “gave me gender euphoria to look at” and i totally stand by that.

i am so into that AU you mentioned ft serena coming out to lily out of spite?? like that is EXACTLY the kind of content i adore so i think you should definitely dust it off and do something with it....... i have more thoughts about seregina, eric, and just what bi serena & gay eric really mean re: vdw sibling solidarity, i’ll reblog this post later and say more! for now, this is already.... a lot, haha.

nate as a character feels VERY male to me, like extremely binary male? i love nonbinary nate headcanons (i love nonbinary anybody headcanons) but they’re not really my headcanons - not at this point in time, at least. i just feel like nate identifies as male very solidly - whether he’s cis or trans. so when i talk abt trans nate, it’s always him as a trans man. anyway! 

 under the cut because this is LONG. wow. well done @ me

hmm, so. i would never have thought of any sort of trans nate headcanon on my own, mostly because anne & howard are the WORST, and the thought of nate growing up trans with parents like that does not give me a good feeling. like we just know they wouldn’t have been trans allies. but i’ve been giving it some thought, and i feel like... anne & howard are all about appearances, ultimately. they care SO much what people think about them, which sort of works in nate’s favour.

the way i see this is that nate knows he’s a boy pretty young, and his childhood is relatively miserable because his parents keep trying to convince him that he’s a girl, and he’s not! he can’t be a girl. he’s quiet and sullen and sad, and if you ask him to recount his childhood he’ll tell you that from ages of like, 5-9 he remembers trying so hard to make his parents understand and accept that he’s a boy. 

would anne and howard understand? i feel: no. but i also feel that anne and howard wouldn’t want people to think they’re transphobic. so when nate’s like, 9 or 10 and still unwavering on the fact that ‘i’m a BOY, please call me NATE’ they finally listen, only because they’re worried about their own reputation as parents. nate gets puberty blockers, gets access to medical transition stuff, doesn’t have to worry about getting top surgery, etc. all that stuff works out because his family has money. so it’s complicated for nate, because he knows that these things aren’t accessible to most trans youth, and he’s extremely privileged to have access to them. 

at the same time, anne & howard ARE anne & howard. i feel anne would keep acting like she’s lost her beloved daughter and like she’s grieving her daughter and all that icky transphobic stuff. howard would keep insinuating that nate isn’t a real man, or that nate has a long way to go before becoming a man, and other similar microaggressions. so it’s obviously not particularly comfortable or enjoyable for nate. his parents sort of accept that he’s male, in their own extremely conditional and superficial way, and they talk about him like he’s a cis man all the time. they stop acknowledging that he’s trans, even in cases when it should come up like discussion of policies that impact trans people, etc. 

by the time he’s in high school, he passes as cis, and most people at constance/st judes don’t know that he’s trans (another thing he feels some guilt about, because nate’s just..... like that.) the only people who know are his childhood friends, blair & serena & chuck i guess. he’d come out to jenny, vanessa and dan later (in that order, i think.) 

that’s all i’ve got for now. i know “passing” as a concept is complicated & messy & a bit redundant & there’s a LOT to go into if we’re talking about it - but we’re not talking about it! i just bring it up because i think it would tie in with nate’s self image in significant ways.