#or if my reactions to life events are correct. sometimes when i think that i know exactly what i feel i stop myself and recognise

[qqqqqqqqqqq0]

[picturejasper20]

Analysis of Danny and Vlad's relationship in A Glitch in Time

I have noticed that for some reason i never wrote a proper analysis of Vlad and Danny's interactions in A Glitch in Time in spite of talking about their dynamic a lot in my blog. I think in part because the graphic novel doesn't have much of that, at least not until the third act when they are fighting against Dan Phantom. However, i still want to try to talk about the interactions Danny and Vlad had through the story and how it changes by the end of it.

This is probably going to be a somewhat long post, so let's start.

The first interaction that Danny and Vlad have in A Glitch in Time is when Vlad arrives through the ghost portal in the Fentons's lab. This... doesn't end well as it leads to Danny to transform into Phantom and attack Vlad the moment he asks for his help and tells him he can explain (and also being in a weak beaten state). Not unexpected since Danny believes that Vlad went missing or probably died after the events of Phantom Planet-and with the time glitches happening to him he probably very quickly jumped to the conclusion that Vlad was behind them and was here to fight him. It isn't rare for Danny to sometimes attack Vlad for him just showing up too. So this reaction isn't that unexpected either.

However, after he gets some repressed anger out of his system and they trap Vlad, Danny gives him the opportunity to explain himself, as he wants to know why he happened to suddenly show up in his house.

One thing that's interesting about Vlad's line here is that he shows certain self awareness of how much Danny hates him because of his past selfish actions -something he mainly seemed to lack before Phantom Planet. He knows that he is ¨the last person Danny wants to see right now¨. In past it was pretty unlikely for Vlad to reconsider his actions, as he usually thought he was justified in doing them.

Danny also leaves clear his deep hatred for Vlad and for how he has messed with his life and others in the time they have been enemies. He is willing to listen to Vlad but he doesn't hide how angry he is at Vlad.

Vlad later adds that he didn't know who else to ask for help because it is heavily implied he didn't have any ally left after Phantom Planet events and Danny was the only person that he could think of that would help him. I interpret him as him assuming that Danny would help him since Dan told him that he is half Phantom and Danny would listen to him because of that.

After telling his story about how Dan got accidentally free when he was fighting against Clockwork, Danny, in shock that Clockwork is gone and Dan is free again, doesn't initially believe him and thinks it is a trap. Tucker proves that Vlad is saying is true by checking the ghost portal scanners.

Danny yells at Vlad for putting the reality itself in danger again thanks to his actions. Surprisingly Vlad acknowledges he was responsible for that happening, similar to how earlier he admitted that he knew Danny hates him, but still refuses to admit it was his fault, trying to say that it ¨wasn't only him¨, which in part isn't incorrect since Dan is the one causing the time glitches. Danny is left frustrated with Vlad's lack of taking responsibility for his actions and him having to be involved in fixing the mess he causes (again).

After Vlad tells the team Phantom about how he has been looking for the source of ghost power energy for decades and suggests they could search for it, Danny and Vlad have a moment that resembles their typical dynamic in the series.

Danny quickly picks up that Vlad in part is trying to trick him and the others into looking for the source of ghost power so he could probably keep it for himself after they defeat Dan. Vlad tries passing it off as this is for Danny to fix his ghost powers, correcting himself to not fully reveal his true intentions. Danny quickly points out that when Vlad had the Infi-map, he could have easily found the power source-but the map very likely it didn't want to take him there or it just doesn't exist. Vlad praises Danny for realizing this, indicating that while he wasn't taken to the source, Danny could be taken there if the map wishes him to.

Feeling like they don't have much of a choice, the team decides to team up with Vlad to look for the source of ghost power. For precaution, Danny puts the Specter Deflecter on Vlad so he can't use his ghost powers while they are working with him, just in case he plans on doing anything suspicious. This is a detail that is worth of mentioning since it comes back later on.

In what would be a twisted funny moment, when the characters are inside Vlad's lab, the novel reminds us that there was a time Vlad tried cloning Danny and not only that, he kept doing that even after the events of ¨Kindred Spirits¨.

Vlad tells Danny to ¨ignore the clones¨ and Danny tells him that ¨they are going to have a serious talk about boundaries¨ after they are done with dealing the whole situation. What it is interesting about most of their interactions in the story is that Vlad never taunts Danny with making him become his pupil or son. He doesn't make comments about Jack nor trying to get Maddie for himself.

This could be seen in two ways: A) He doesn't say any of this since they are working together in stopping Dan or B) At this point he had realized how wrong his obsession with the Fenton family, specially Danny, was. This could explain why he didn't seem to have an interest in Danny becoming his son in the novel.

When they are fighting against the Fright Knight, Vlad tries using his ghost powers, only to get zapped by the Specter Deflecter. Because of this Danny orders Tucker to take it off since ¨they need all hand on deck¨ to fight, specially considering that Danny can't use his powers properly. I bring this up since it was Danny the one who put the Specter Deflecter on Vlad in first place and it is himself here who is ordering Tucker to deactivate it. I assume he does it because he knows that Fright Knight is quite powerful and they need Vlad's ghost powers to beat him.

Moments later the sarcophagus where Pariah is trapped begans to wobble and falls to the ground. In a rare moment Danny and Vlad manage to work together to catch the sarcophagus before it can hit the floor with full force and then drop it over Fright Knight when they find the secret room they were looking for.

Getting angry that the secret room they found doesn't give them any power ups, Danny blames Vlad for making them waste their time, accusing him of lying about the the power source's existence. This evolves into a short fight between the two and Tucker trying to stop them before there is another time glitch.

This is the closest Danny and Vlad get to fighting each other in the novel, with the rest of the time clashing or Danny taking jabs at Vlad. However, it is never enough for the two of them to attack each other. Even Vlad looks very surprised at Danny's outburst at first. The fight itself isn't anything serious but there is a chance it could gotten worse if they hadn't been interrupted by the time glitch.

When they are dealing with the Hero Twins, Vlad suggests to Danny to take advantage of the ghosts being distracted and attack them. Danny points out that the Hero Twins just want to play a game, to which Vlad calls Danny ¨naive child¨ for thinking that they want that since they are ¨ghosts¨. Danny answers that with bringing up that Vlad is also half ghost and he is obsessed with the Packers.

I have talked about this before that Danny has a more friendly relationship towards ghosts that Vlad does. At least enough to understand that not of them are evil and they can be friendly, like Wolf or Dora. In contrast Vlad shows to have a more limited view of them. Considering it is naive of Danny to think the Hero Twins want to play. He sees them more as ¨mindless¨, since his first choice was suggesting attacking them instead of paying attention to their intentions.

I'm going to discuss this later on, but Vlad has a huge issue when it comes to understanding emotions and empathy. This is something Danny is better at in comparison.

Another thing about the novel is that there are hints that Vlad is somewhat jealous of Danny having friends and people who care about him. He is sometimes seen irritated or confused when seeing the Team Phantom celebrating together. It isn't out of place to believe that he is probably reminded of the time he was part of a friend trio with Jack and Maddie and how part of him misses that based on his dialogue later in the story.

The point their relationship begans to change is around the time they learn about the ghosts being powered by emotions. After they read the message that is in runes from the secret garden, Vlad has a quite of a mental breakdown, believing he spent years searching for the ¨ulimate power¨ only to find nothing. He dismisses the runes legend as simple ¨story time¨, not seeing the value in them.

I have discussed this before in my Vlad AGIT character analysis that Vlad isn't just good at anything that comes with understanding or processing emotions. He is mostly logical driven and is overall very disconnected of his own emotional side. That is one main aspect that separates him from Danny, who thinks better about the consequences of his actions and his relationships with others.

Once Danny is able to find a new emotional drive and get his ghost powers back, Vlad appears to have a change of mind in the way he sees Danny. It could be said that he has a new found respect for him, since he was able to quickly understand what the message of runes was about while he wrote it off as a ridiculous fairy tale.

Vlad has always seen himself as a superior to Danny and someone the teen should learn from, specially when it comes to ghost powers. In the series he is usually condescending towards Danny, believing himself to be better than him in almost every way and dismissing him as a reckless teenager. Earlier in the novel he called Danny ¨naive child¨ for thinking that the Hero Twins wanted to play, only to be proven wrong minutes after his statement.

By observing that Danny manages to get the ¨ultimate power¨ before him makes Vlad reconsider all these things and probably start to see Danny more of an equal and/or having more respect for him overall. This moment also inspires to rethink of his goals and priorities that he has been trying to avoid until this point of the story.

During the battle against Dan, Vlad shows to care about Danny's safety multiple times, often interfering or attacking to defend Danny from Dan's attacks. He tries checking on him, even helping him to stand and asking him if he is alright.

It is likely that this caring side he has for Danny comes from him seeing Danny as the son he wished he could have had, a side that probably he always had in him and now he is showing it because he is trying to change for the better.

During his speech about recognizing the mistakes he has made and wishing to make amends, he recognizes that his obsession with control terribly hurt and pushed Danny away, along with other people. At the start of the story he acknowledged that he was aware that Danny hated him but here he admits why that happened and he has only himself to blame for that.

Once he helps Danny by blasting Dan off, the two decide to attack him together at the same time on on count of three. A small detail is that Vlad is seen smiling briefly when working together with Danny. When the two hit Dan, their mix of powers ends up somewhat breaking dimensions and going through different parts of the Ghost Zone, until they are able to separate Clockwork from Dan and the four ghosts fall to the ground exhausted.

When Dan is starting to destabilize because of being part of a timeline that doesn't exist anymore and says that he doesn't want to going inside the thermos afraid of being alone again, Vlad answers with ¨you don't have to be¨. He transforms into Plasmius and gently pushes Danny behind him. Danny asks him what he is about to do, to which Vlad answers ¨The right thing, for once¨, still showing that he wants to start making things right with the people he hurt.

While talking to Dan, Vlad not only apologizes to Dan for how he was hurt by Vlad from his timeline, he also apologizes to Danny for his past villainous actions and how they affected him. He also asks Danny if he can give him a second chance to make amends for what he has done, something that surprises Danny a lot.

An important distinction to notice is that Vlad isn't asking Danny to forgive him. He is asking to be given a second chance. He understands that he pushed Danny away a long time ago and he doesn't expect that to be fixed any time soon.

After Dan uses Vlad's body as temporal host, Danny shows to be worried about seeing Vlad hurt/exhausted. A different contrast to how reacted at seeing him the same way at the start of the story. It is a moment that demonstrates that even though Danny still doesn't like Vlad, he still worries about him.

Danny also takes the time to ask Clockwork to wait for a second before he takes Vlad and Dan elsewhere. He leaves clear that even though he still hates Vlad and can't still forgive him for what he has done, he is thankful for helping them during the battle against Dan and offering himself to help Dan as well. Vlad simply returns a soft smile to Danny before he gets taken by Clockwork and Danny is left staring at the spot the portal disappeared.

This sentiment is followed again when Sam, Tucker and Jazz come in to check on Danny. He highlights that ¨they couldn't have done it without Vlad¨. He appears to be both confused and suprised for what Vlad did, since he wasn't expecting him to help them like that. He realizes that Vlad is more ¨complicated¨ than he thought, seeing now that he is more than just the villain he used to fight against and he had more going on in him than he assumed all this time.

In the end, Vlad and Danny start as enemies who are working together for an urgent common goal. Although it rarely escalates to a real fight, the two still clash with each other for good part of the story. Vlad doesn't show to be interested in making Danny his pupil, indicating that he was in his way to changing or regretting his past actions.

While working together, the two gain a better understading of each other, specially from Vlad in how he sees Danny. He begins to have a new found respect for the teen, not just seeing him as a ¨naive child¨ for his hero worldview. After the battle against Dan, the two end up in way better terms, as somewhat allies, with Vlad apologizing for his antagonism and manipulation and Danny, while rather unsure how to feel about Vlad, he gives him a second chance to start things over.

[unbound-shade]

Several months ago I saw some truly reductive and ignorant comments about rejection sensitive dysphoria on here and they've stayed bothering me.

RSD is NOT a medical condition; it is a set of symptoms that can be present in ADHD and AuDHD folks, but does not constitute its own diagnosis. After a lifetime of having to interpret neurotypical communication and actions that don't inherently make sense to us to determine if we are safe and correct in what we're doing, some of us have developed a set of trauma responses about being rejected, or worrying that we are/will be.

I saw someone call RSD a tiktok trend which they reduced to, "People with ADHD experience rejection sometimes," and I wanted to reach through their screen and throttle them. An RSD episode is not a typical reaction to rejection; unless a sudden and almost total loss of sense of self and self esteem is "normal". I don't think the feeling of dread and impending doom and failure is "normal". The instant loss of so many of my coping skills and the feeling like the world is going to end or fall apart of I don't "fix" the situation (get un-rejected) definitely isn't "normal".

I'm pretty sure I started forming this symptom set when I was a toddler; one of my "canon events" involves an incident with some church women when I was in Sunday school at about age 3 or 4 and I can see the same panic and desperation in my response then that I see when I'm having a bad RSD episode now. That feeling of powerlessness and panic driving you to do anything and everything just to end the situation is still so tangible to me, 32 years later.

And there's no one out there with coping techniques for me to learn. No real advice or treatment. I just have to go on doing my best until the next episode knocks my feet out from under me. Then I do my best to keep from hurting the people I care about while the absolutely unhinged parts of me try to figure out how to "fix" the situation.

This symptom set and the difficulty in regulating it has become the greatest force of destruction in my own life that doesn't come from outside threats. The list of friendships I, during an episode, or just the reaction itself has ended grows longer every year. All of my lowest depressive points and all of my most manic phases have come from this.

Even now, part of my mind is trying to renegotiate the end of my last relationship to an audience of no one and it's only just starting to feel less intense and imperative that I do so.

This is not the normal response to real and perceived rejection. And it's way too real to be dismissed as some social media pop psych topic of the month or whatever when it's basically Godzilla to my brain's downtown Tokyo. Fuck the neurotypicals and self hating NDs who say otherwise.

[stalky-arsen]

quick wednesday opinion because i want to make enemies X)

but seriously, i see a lot of people saying the love subplot was not that good. yeah it's not great must say but i don't think it's that terrible.

i personally like tyler x wednesday bc even after the events, i could still imagine a thing between them. xavier was also the incarnation of "childhood friend to lovers" (even tho wednesday didn't really considered him as a friend back then). And yeah i can see why people ship wednesday x enid. But i'm really difficult about ships.

BUT THE THING IS- The romantic plot is kind of take like a parody of murder mystery. because literally, you can't have the totally normie barista, the childhood artsy friend, the girly pop girl and OFC the love rival in the same room with the protagonist without being a joke. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE PROTAGONIST IN QUESTION IS WEDNESDAY ADDAMS XD

I grew up with the films from '90s and that was my life, especially the second film.

Remember Joel ?

YEAH. actually, i'm pretty dissapointed i didn't get to see him :( (maybe royan but he's not a normie, but i do get some references of joel in royan.)

YEAH ACTUALLY, in that film, Joel was Wednesday's love interest. And they were cute alright. But remember the end of the film ?

Wednesday scare him to death with a... prank ? let's call it a prank. and then roll credits. Idk what happened to him but since i didn't see the third movie, then i guess he died lol.

Just to say that, as long as i remembered, being a love interest for Wednesday means you're doomed X)

What i really want to complain tho is most of Wednesday reactions. Not the "let's torture him" or etc. , just when she was out of characters sometimes, like shaking. And i know there's an evolution to her character, it's actually pretty good, but we're talking about the girl who was threatened multiple times to death. I know somewhere in my memory, she was sitting on an electric chair and was just vibing with it. (correct me if i'm wrong)

BUT YEAH, DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT LOVE STORY IN WEDNESDAY, IT WAS ALWAYS A THING FOR ME XD

[ghostsunderstoodmysoul]

How talking to your plants might improve your happiness (Farah “The Fern” Dowling x Reader)

Fandom: Fate: The Winx Saga

Summary: You swore you would support your wife in sickness and in health. Unfortunately, she had other plans for your relationship and she made you a surprise. At the same time, she forgot that she had married a person who could not keep even a cactus alive. The marriage vow is now under threat.

A/N: Hello! To start with, I would like to say hello to anyone who wants to read this. While until recently I was quite often active as a reader and fanfics lover, now I decided to create something myself. The idea itself does not belong to me, the plot of this story is based on an absolutely brilliant post created by: @simplytheevebest. I am so grateful that she allowed me to write my own version of this story based on it.

I would also like to thank @multifandomfix who has been a writing inspiration for me for a long time and offered to help as a beta reader to increase your reading comfort.

Enjoy! :)

People face many difficulties and challenges in their lives. They raise doubts about the correctness of the decisions they made, which led them to a given moment.

Until now, I used to think that my life was going well, aside from functioning in a relatively dangerous reality, and I had nothing to regret myself, except when I had to admit to my wife that I accidentally flushed my wedding ring down the toilet. 

But yeah, so far I haven't had much to complain about, which has further aggravated my anxiety and stress in the present moment. Usually, in moments of doubt, I reached for some professional guide containing answers to the questions that haunt me. Sometimes I was looking for solutions on the Internet and thus I discovered how many people there are who know as little about life as I do. It happened to be uplifting, and I remembered it at times when all other methods had failed, and I had to refer the matter to my wife.

At this point, I was in a situation where I was trying to implement plan number three. With an emphasis on tried because all the signs in heaven and earth indicated that I would not succeed. What's more, I can bet on that wedding ring I pulled out of the sewer before, that the whole universe is now treating me like an idiot. It’s not every day you see a person persistently trying to get any answers from the fern sitting on the desk.

No, I'm not trying to solve a criminal case, and this plant isn't the prime suspect in a drug smuggling case at all. Although you never know with Farah, after five years together I don't think anything will surprise me anymore.

Oh yeah, Farah. My lovely wife, whose health and happiness are my top priorities in life. As a result of an unfortunate twist of events, she became my nuisance, because she took the form of things that I cannot take care of, no matter how hard I try.

At times I think that she did it on purpose to make fun of me. How else could I define the current situation in which the person turned into a fern is dependent on a human who would probably be able to kill artificial flowers?

I looked at the pot and tilted my head to judge the angle of the sunlight.

“Honey, could you please let me know if you are burning alive right now?" I asked with some uncertainty in my voice.

No reaction. I didn't even notice the slightest movement of the leaf that would mean… I'm not sure myself. Confirmation? Negation? Expressing your last will, moments before facing painful death at the hands of the worst florist in the history of the world?

There was a reason why we never gave each other flowers as a gift, as somehow my very person automatically took away all the plants' will to live.

However, the current situation was serious, so I armed myself with techniques to overcome my problems. They mostly relied on all the books I was able to collect, the knowledge of specialists on the Internet, and Terra's phone number on a speed dial should I inadvertently create a deadly threat. Which initially happened at least once a day, but with time I started to cope better with caring for the fern.

I wouldn't consider myself a specialist, or even an expert, but nothing has burst into flames - either from my magic or my incompetence.

I was already able to deal with this one particular type of plant, which gave me the opportunity to look for ways to restore Farah to her human form. What could have gone wrong?

5 minutes later

The students were just walking through the school corridors to move to their next classes or meet their friends during the break. There was no indication that anything would disturb the peace and quiet of the day.

Some of them, however, were close enough to the teachers' dormitory wing that they could hear a desperate scream.

“HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO CHANGE YOUR FORM? I CAN’T LOOK AFTER ANYTHING BUT FERNS!”

~.~.~.~

I studied the plant in front of me.

I've spent the last hour trying to find the species I'm dealing with. How did Farah choose the plant whose form she just took?

“My love, if you are able to control what flower you become,” I started, bringing an open book close to the pot, “then please, please turn into something easier to keep alive. According to this book, you are currently an azalea. The name may be cute, but do you realize that providing you with ideal conditions is almost impossible?"

The plant in front of me was still imperturbable, but I was sure Farah was laughing at me right now. Can plants make fun of you? My life has become a jumble of countless questions combined with a total lack of answers.

However, I realized that this is the moment when I have to face another dilemma.

Should Farah change her location? Would that mean moving somewhere that I can't keep an eye on? What's worse – should I give my wife a temporary vacation in a greenhouse or garden?

What does that say about me as a human?

Probably nothing good, and I myself will be reborn as a plant after death, and end up in the hands of my future heir. One who will inherit my stupidity and lack of talent for plants, which will make me follow the fate of many of those whom I have tried to take care of myself.

On the other hand, I should mainly be thinking about the present form of Farah. I looked at her and muttered under my breath.

“Hope you still enjoy traveling more than – wait for it – putting down roots in one place,” I said proudly, clearly finding my joke successful.

At that moment, one of the flowers of the azalea in front of me fell, and I swallowed nervously.

“This situation will end in divorce at best.” I sighed heavily and took Farah to another part of the school, hoping that she would at least consider it a trip on a par with flying to Iceland.

~.~.~.~

I felt like a proud but still incompetent parent. I was able to educate and learn a lot about the care and meaning of flowers. I had reached the stage where I felt equipt enough to face this challenge. Ben and Terra stopped seeing me in my pajamas in the middle of the night in a panic trying to get answers to new questions that kept multiplying.

No no, end of bad moments, I stopped posing a direct threat to my wife's health and life.

I had a set schedule of classes and activities that I did in her company so that she would not feel completely excluded. I was just returning from my classes to her office, where she had been staying for a week, after being turned into a peace lily. I decided that she has transformed into such an elegant plant to proudly welcome students and other guests.

So I was heading towards the office to clean up the paperwork in Farah’s company and eat a meal together, because it was the day of watering her.

Nothing could spoil my mood that day.

Except for one detail.

Upon entering my office, I quickly realized that Farah wasn't where I left her.

I took a deep breath and walked briskly towards the west wing. I knew our friend Saul should be there now. We recently agreed on alternating care to give Farah more variety in her free time. And she had too much of it and was starting to be picky about how she spent it.

I turned into a corridor on the left and almost collided with someone who was just passing by. I was relieved to recognize Saul, and without unnecessary prolongation, I asked the question that haunted me.

“Saul, did you take Farah with you to class today?”

The man looked at me a bit worried, then shook his head no. I suddenly felt faint.

We felt it would be best to ask students who sometimes helped with caring for her. We didn't have to look long, because before we got to their dormitories, we ran into Sky and Riven, holding a flowerpot with a peace lily in their hands.

I breathed a sigh of relief, then walked over to them and asked what the situation actually meant and why they abducted Farah without asking.

“We wanted to take her for a walk outside the school and show her what has changed over the last few months,” Sky replied, then added, “We're sorry for forgetting to mention it, but we couldn't find you.”

I nodded and took the pot with a lot of relief and little satisfaction that the boys had good intentions. But something didn’t feel right to me. I smelled the pot and noticed a fairly strong smell of tobacco or some similar substance.

The boys were already starting to make their way towards the other end of the corridor, so I called after them, “Guys, why do I get the impression that you smoked something in front of her?”

Sky quickly replied, “Riven wanted to see if, as a peace lily, she was actually purifying the air of toxic substances. If you were curious, the answer is yes!”

"Wait, WHAT?"

But they were already gone.

~.~.~.~

The sundew was standing proudly on Saul's desk, and it seemed as if she was staring at him.

I shrugged, letting him understand that in some ways he might have expected this to happen.

“I didn't say anything wrong,” he tried to defend himself, which probably only made the situation worse.

I sighed loudly, rolling my eyes in the process, “Saul, by this point you should know by now how important the no-spoiler rule is when it comes to Farah. The Winx girls showed her this series, and she was clearly drawn into the plot. You spoiled her fun for the next 15 episodes.”

The man felt bad, thinking that his chatter had spoiled the pleasure of watching some soap opera for his friend. It was evident on his face that he would like to apologize somehow and compensate for his mistake.

Meanwhile, I was walking towards the exit door with the intention of leaving the room.

“Wait a minute, where are you going?" Saul asked, clearly confused

“You brought her to this state, now it is your responsibility to provide her with food," I replied seriously, “You can also try to bribe her with music to change her form.”

I smiled broadly and as I left I added, “She has a taste for country recently, so... good luck, my dear!"

~.~.~.~

The Halloween party was an amazing experience. The students outdid themselves, preparing both decorations and original snacks. Loud, slightly spooky music was coming from the loudspeakers, which only intensified the atmosphere.

I reached for my glass of soda, which was a slightly weird green color. I decided that you only live once and at worst I might wake up in the morning in the form of an ogre.

I exchanged a word with a few people standing nearby and decided it was time to go back to my room.

On the way, I passed a few students who dressed for the occasion and used their skills to create beautiful makeup. I have barely recognized some of them. I decided that the next day I would ask Stella what makeup tools she used to look so convincing as a vampire.

I opened the door to my room and turned on the light. I headed towards the windowsill with a large pumpkin.

“I hope you were able to see anything out of the window. Forgive me for not taking you downstairs with me, but I was afraid someone would mistake you for a real pumpkin and start carving you,” I replied almost apologetically, because the very thought made me cringe.

I started to wash off my makeup, and when I was done, I looked at Farah with a big smile on my lips.

“I have good news for you. You have great timing with taking on new forms. Terra's cousin, Flora, returned to school. You probably remember her. She shared stories from her travels. She also told about a friend named Mirta. And I have more good news for you. There is a chance that you will regain your human form soon.”

I had the impression that the plant in front of me had taken more color. Just the thought of it as Farah's excitement made me smile to myself.

I put my hand on the pumpkin as if I wanted to stroke Farah's cheek, then added, “Luckily we're not part of some teen show. And you are definitely not played by a certain actress who currently has other professional commitments. So we'll see you again soon. But remember, no pressure. Take your time if you need it. I... We'll all wait as long as it takes for you.”

[waveridden]

i would love for you to give deets on why you disliked those books. i love salt

yessss i love complaining. putting this under a cut because it's long, however i'll say up top that if you found this post because you tumblr searched a book you like... maybe skip this one! because i didn't like these books!

the ballad of songbirds and snakes, if you haven't heard of it, is the hunger games prequel about president snow when he was young and hot. i dislike it on principle but when we did our hunger games book club i decided i was going to give it my best and most open-minded shot that i could handle giving it.

my main problem is actually that i extremely dislike the politics and the worldbuilding implications for the rest of the series. the timeline becomes incredibly fucked. the thematic implications don't make sense. it is so bloated, and so long, with so many names and characters and so relatively few interesting things happening.

also: the hunger games capitol is in denver. the original hunger games were in an old sports arena that was also used for concerts and events sometimes. it is described as having a massive goalpost that is tall and two-pronged. that's right. it's the denver broncos stadium. (the american football team.) once you know that the hunger games were in the denver broncos stadium, it kind of takes a lot of the suspense out.

-

the bromance book club is a highly-recommended romance novel. the basic premise is: a professional baseball player and his wife are on the brink of divorce after he discovers that she has never had an orgasm with him. in order to save his marriage (and learn to satisfy his wife) he joins a top secret book club of Alpha Men who secretly read romance novels to learn about what women like.

i actually thought the premise was cute but where it fell apart is that i HATED the main character. his wife was literally correct 100% of the time and should've left him. it was just unfunny and weird and bad.

-

identitti is a contemporary drama (translated from german) about a german-indian graduate student who discovers that her beloved german-indian advisor is, in fact, a white woman who has been lying about being indian. the book categorically refuses to cast judgment on her - the protagonist feels betrayed, but the advisor just keeps saying over and over that it's actually fine and identity is fluid, but never actually makes a good argument.

aside from the very strong personal reaction i have to this book (i.e. that the advisor was Wrong and that it was weird for this (german-indian) author to present this case) the biggest problem i have is that it used a real life mass shooting to prove a point. there was a hate crime in hanau, germany, that becomes a plot point in the book, but it revolves around people connecting that shooting to the fictional advisor, and i just think that's shitty, actually!

-

small game is the debut novel by blair braverman who is a survivalist and who raises sled dogs which rules. it is about a survivalist who goes onto a survivalist reality show, only for all the cameras to vanish halfway through, leaving the contestants to wonder: did something happen? have they been forgotten? is this all just a part of the show? or is something more sinister going on?

let me spoil the answer for you: the network lost funding, canceled the show, and something went wrong that meant that the contestants were never picked up. now you do not have to slog through ~150 pages of the contestants having that exact debate, weird gross survivalism, incredibly strange and upsetting animal and human deaths, and a really bizarre dubcon-y love story.

-

singer distance has a premise that i really loved: earth begins getting messages from mars that people realize are actually mathematical communications. after a certain point the math becomes too advanced; enter crystal, a genius mathematician who figures out the solution... and then disappears.

this book is not about crystal. it is about her college boyfriend, who feels inadequate to her and feels bad about it. after she goes missing he spends years pining after for her. eventually it is revealed that the two of them had a kid together and the kid finds him and they search for her together. i was really hoping for a fun and interesting scifi alternate history type thing and instead it was just a book about a sad boring man

-

cover is an indie comic miniseries about a comic book artist who is drafted into international espionage. the art was really nice but i haven't read bendis comics in years and i forgot how far up his own ass he gets, especially when it comes to how many words per page he writes. and this was especially navel-gazey, just talking constantly (constantly) (CONSTANTLY) about The Art Of Comics and how good it is. there also wasn't enough espionage.

-

how to give up plastic & how to save the world for free are two different and unrelated books that fall into a category i'm trying to read more of, i.e. the practical environmentally-friendly guide. these books had the same problem: the advice was fucking stupid! how to give up plastic said that if companies send you unnecessary plastic packaging, you should ship it back to them to make a statement (what!!!!!!) and every idea in how to save the world for free cost money.

i think my biggest problem with books like these is that most of the advice is for 1) homeowners, because so much of the advice tends to be like "compost in your yard" or "install solar panels," and 2) people who have never considered buying reusable bags or water bottles. i am trying to find something with advice that is practical and cheap (the climate diet is the closest i've gotten, some of it is ridiculous but some of it is genuinely applicable) but these books just gave stupid fucking advice

[neonseperatedau]

25k Celebration - Short Story

NEON Short Fluff Fic: “Eavesdropping”

Hey guys, to celebrate my fic NEON – A Separated Sibling AU reaching 25k hits, I wrote a short fluff story that puts you in the shoes of the rat-man himself and shows you how he has been feeling about the newest addition to the fam. You don’t need much pre-knowledge to enjoy this story. Basically, this plays after the events of ‘Shadows of Evil’ (or chapter 20 of my fic) and sees a Leo who grew up with Draxum losing his odachi, learning about the Hamato clan and slowly adapting to his new life in the lair. (Thank you to my twin @leonrose55 for suggesting this prompt! This wouldn’t exist without you!) A million thanks to everyone who has been supporting this fic, you guys are the best, and I hope you enjoy this respite! ;)

For every parent comes the day when they must admit to themselves after they believed to know everything about their children that this simply wasn’t true anymore. Ever since my three sons started to act and think and say things, I couldn’t anticipate I had to accept that they were on their road to becoming their own independent…well…turtle mutants. I found it curious that for the newcomer to our lair, it was quite the opposite. From the beginning, I had no idea what to make of Leonardo, and each action he took only unsettled me more. I was never completely at ease when he was around, anticipating him to be a mere extension of one of Baron Draxum’s plots when all he in fact did was eat and nap and sometimes crack some worryingly violent jokes. Routine can change many things. As we started our training so he could learn how to wield two katanas, Hamato style, I had plenty of time to not only study his movements but also his subtle reactions. What face did he make when he had been close to winning? How would he react when he was exhausted and continued the workout anyway? I didn’t unlearn his patterns like with my sons, I learned them from its fundaments, and I got the sense I was far off from knowing even the basics. And all of this I noticed because, on this particular day, his focus had been off, and I was quite taken aback by myself because I could immediately tell. I swiped him off his feet, swords clanking to the ground. “Shit, not again,” Leo grumbled, getting up and grabbing for his weapons. The way he complained non-stop yet never actually stopped with his training reminded me so much of myself. (Admittedly, I hadn’t been the best of students.) “Your stance is off,” I pointed at his left foot, “and are you aware that you’re holding one sword with its backside up?” The turtle blinked and stared down at his hands. “Oh,” he mumbled and quickly corrected himself. I sighed. Some days simply be like this. “How about we do something different for today’s training?” I suggested and Leo’s eyes widened behind his black bandana. “No, it’s fine, we can keep going,” he insisted. Sheesh, I thought Purple could be ambitious about his projects at times. This one was on a whole other level. It was like failing wasn’t supposed to be part of his dictionary. “I’m not saying we will stop training. We are only changing up the pace…Have you seen my amazing Lou Jitsu adventures where I use dual sword fighting? Jell-O Jell-O Rush 1, 2, and 3?” I puffed up my chest. Leo blinked at me with an unchanged expression. “Uuuuh, no?” Stroking my whiskers I made my way to the tv room. “I know you have your reservation about how efficient it is to learn from the source materials, but I assure you these are worth your time! I also think Raph never finished his pack of wasabi peanuts yesterday and it’s lying around here somewhere.” I anticipated him to complain, at least try a counteroffer, or make a snarky comment about my acting career. All of those things had happened before… That’s probably why I needed a moment to process that Leo immediately picked up one of the big cushions, snatched the snack packs I mentioned, and settled down in front of the projector. Were the therapy sessions with Orange showing their effect? Or did Donatello do some brain-altering experiments on him? (I wouldn’t put it above him to mess with our ‘guest’ like that.) He noticed I kept standing at the entrance of the room and threw a glance back at me stating: “Hey, I learned my lesson about human movies and how they can teach you cool moves to fuck shit up a while back, I ain’t complaining.” I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by that and since that was usually the case with Leo, I shrugged and accepted this as a rare instance where the fates seemed to have pity on me. “Plus,” he threw two brightly green-coated peanuts into his mouth, “stolen snacks taste the best.” The almost childish-mischievous gleam in his eyes oddly enough made him look more like his age and so I couldn’t bring myself to chide him for such comments. There were too many other moments where he visibly locked up and the iron-clad harshness in his demeanor made me believe that he had seen and experienced things, a teenager shouldn’t have. I made my way to my precious chair that had just the right dent from years of sitting in the same spot and selected the first installment of the ‘Jell-O Jell-O’ saga.   For the first half an hour or so, Leo was looking at the screen and it couldn’t have been more obvious that he wasn’t focusing on what was going on in front of him. But once my previous incredible human Self picked up the swords and hacked through the multi-colored jelly, Leo got transfixed to the projector. He took in those combat movements like a cake sponge that was soaked in cocoa. (Memo to myself: stock up on sponge cake) By the time we had moved on to the second part, the turtle was hooked just like the other three would be invested in their favorite Lou Jitsu moving picture. (I loved their debates on what movie they preferred and why especially before I revealed my identity.) “The way Lou Jitsu used the swords like a twirling staff,” Leo mused out loud, “that’s brilliant! So effective against backstabbers! I hate backstabbing except if it’s done by myself.” Yeah, sometimes I just plain-out worry about this kid… “That’s a technique from Yagyu Shinkage-ryu. A style that focuses on disarming your opponent and getting the upper hand, rather than killing them,” I explained and surprised myself by remembering the official name. Seemed like some things my grandpa taught me stuck with me even after all these years. “Huh, never heard of it. Doesn’t sound very useful…in the movie, it looked really strong though,” Leo popped the last peanuts into his mouth before adding: “Can you show me some more of it in the next training session?” This was, without a doubt, the first time he had ever directly asked me a favor. I needed a heartbeat or two during which I said nothing, and he apparently also realized what he had done. He hectically crumpled up the empty pack and went on without any pause between the words: “I mean, it’s whatever. You don’t have to do that.” I couldn’t help but return with a smug smile, “I’m not sure if you’re ready for such advanced techniques, still! Let’s see what we can do.” “Fuck, I shouldn’t have asked,” Leo grumbled drawing his legs closer to his torso, “just start the next movie already.” “Sure,” I snickered. I must admit that as we had filmed this final part of the epic Jell-O saga we had run out of ideas for the plot and so I wasn’t even offended when I heard low reverberating snores and saw Leo leaning against the leg of my couch, mouth half-open and drooling in his sleep. “Do you intend to watch the rest of the movie from beyond the door, dear son?” I called out and my fine hearing made out familiar steps approaching me from behind. “Sorry,” Raph apologized in a hushed voice, “I was looking for the snacks that I left here yesterday and then I saw you both talking, and I didn’t want to intrude and then I…” I waved my hand at him to signal that it was all good. “We tried something else for training,” I explained, and with a glance to the ground to my right I added, “he seemed a bit out of it. Did anything happen recently?” The big turtle shrugged even if his eyes had a very slight nervous twitch. He had developed that habit after I had told them all about the Hamato, which made me wonder if that had really been such a good idea. “He is more focused,” Raph began, occasionally pausing between words, “in a good way, I think. Since he lost his odachi he’s forced to stay at the lair much more. Because…no portals.” Even if he wasn’t the most eloquent of the bunch, which was Purple no doubt, he was often on point. “Oh,” Red appeared to remember something else and told me: “We talked about going out for pizza for April’s birthday tomorrow. He wanted to come with us but commented on how he didn’t understand human birthday traditions and after we explained a few things to him, I guess, he wanted to say something else about that and then didn’t. Left to train with you before we could ask him. Maybe he wanted to comment on how yokai birthdays worked?” “Perhaps,” I mused, “even during my years in the hidden city, I never learned much about their cultures. I assume he knows a lot more than I do.” In the background, a giant Jell-O monster exploded on screen. The special effects budget had been tight for this production, so looking back at it was a bit jarring. “Did you hear that?” I questioned my oldest, “how he asked me to show him more of that fighting style? I’ve never seen him interested in anything except for what Mikey cooks for dinner.” Raph cocked his head a bit and returned, “yeah, well, he keeps catching us off-guard whenever he listens to anything we say. Wish it would be the other way around, though.” The credits rolled, and we both regarded the red-eared slider. His bandana slipped off on one side a bit and slightly covered his eye. It was quite a silly sight to behold. I wondered, not for the first nor for the last time, how things would have been if I would have left with four instead of three small turtles that fateful day. How differently he would have turned out if he would have grown up amongst those who had been mutated along with him? Would he have then no scars and know fewer cuss words? Maybe he wouldn’t always carry several hidden blades around with him because he feared he would be ambushed and killed. And maybe he would have more time to grow up. Imagining such a different reality, I mourned for the loss of something that had never existed. A special kind of melancholy was reserved for those who tend to dwell on the ‘what-ifs’. “What do we do with him? Should we leave him here?” Raph asked and tore me away from the thoughts that I had slowly sunk into like quicksand.   “I wanted to watch a show at 10, it’s the semi-final of the Great British Bake Off.” I wasn’t keen on missing that and I wasn’t sure Leo would appreciate waking up to see humans baking cakes in the most stressful ways possible. “I think if he keeps leaning against your chair like that, he will wake up with a stiff neck and then he will curse a lot more and there are words I don’t want Mikey to know about yet,” Red considered, showing so naturally concern for his younger siblings, it made my heart brimming with pride. “How about you try to carry him to his room?” I offered. “I guess Raph could do that,” he said slowly, walking around to bend down and scoop him up. Awkwardly he extended his arms and readjusted his position before he got one arm under Leo’s knees and kept his back upright with the other. That whole scene reminded me of when Raph attempted to approach the various cats that would sometimes sneak into the lair. For some reason, they didn’t like the snapping turtle. Leo kept snoring and I followed both out and to the troublemaker’s room. We dimmed the lights and once the big guy had settled the smaller turtle into his bed, I put his blanket over him with deliberate and ever-so-careful motions. “Wow, he’s really out of it,” Raph whispered to me as I moved a step backward. “Guess it shows that he’s making an effort, to train and go on your missions and be a part of our little group. Not that he would ever admit it,” I returned. “Nope, never,” Red grinned. We sneaked out of the room, and I wished my oldest son a good night. Returning to my tv room, I hummed a pop song from my youth to myself and thought about my worries that we couldn’t read Leo at all. Based on my conversation with Raph, it seemed like we could tell what was going on with our newcomer quite well already.

---

…Eight…Nine…Ten. I opened my eyes as their footsteps grew more distant. I dared to breathe deeply and unevenly and drew my blanket up. What the hell just happened??? I had dozed off during the last movie and when I woke up, I heard Raph and Splinter talking. And not only that. Their topic of the day had been el yo. It felt like awful timing to be like: ‘Hey I’m awake now. No, I have no idea you guys been chatting.’ I was sure they would have believed I had faked it from the beginning. But still, I wouldn’t have expected things to escalate, and for Raph to pick me up and carry me to bed. I almost blew it at this point. Feeling all the blood in my body rush to my head I flopped around to lie on my belly and press my face into my pillow. Gotta be honest with you guys. I had seen my opportunity to catch them red-handed. I’m mean things like talking shit about me, complaining about me, or admitting to eating my secret cookie stash. (SOMEONE seemed to know about it, whomever that fucker was.) Instead, they only said nice things. What a bunch of weirdos. Perhaps they were testing me? Seeing how long I could keep up the act? I turned my head to the right to get some air since my pillow was slowly suffocating me. From my toes up to my nose, everything was kinda tingly and the corners of my mouth moved up without me actively wanting to. This had been a great birthday, after all. Their talk about April’s celebration coming up made me unsure of what to expect of such a day. At my old place, this date merely meant I would get a yearly examination of my vitals and another entry in my experiment file. On the surface, it sounded like such a hassle to organize and execute and ‘something you should look forward to.’ That last point was Mikey’s words, not mine. After what happened today, I think I knew what he meant. Birthdays, even if nobody knew about them, could be days where you get to just sit down and watch action movies and get to steal snacks and didn’t even have to walk and sleep as much as you like. I could get used to this. Feeling my smile expanding and with Splinter’s and Raph’s words resounding in my head, I huddled deeper into my soft bed.

[scoutpologist]

here's a thought i've had brewing for a bit. it's incomplete, imperfect, and unedited, and meant to be taken as a fandom analysis using a particular framework, not absolute truth.

the qsmp and dsmp fandoms are shitty and discourse-heavy because of the way we're supposed to interact with the media. essentially, the watcher is involved in the most intimate parts of a character's life and thought process, down to the mundane.

there is no planning out what characters are going to say what. there is a random, human quality to every interaction that tinges the entire story with the sense that we are seeing into someone's very heart. it's as if we're being let into the writer's room. we are watching our characters become in real time.

all that to say this: many smps aren't completely livestreamed, but these ones are. this allows the viewer to uniquely enmesh themselves easily with the character and, to some extent, the streamer. with relatively smaller streamers who have slower chats, such as nihachu, you can get noticed in chat fairly often. you might even be able to influence their character or actions.

this type of personal contact with the creator as the work is being created, with that contact through a digital lens, creates both a sense of alienation and connection. you are connected to the streamer you watch, and feel the need to defend them and their character.

at the same time, this connection is hampered by distance, audience size, or language. we cannot literally read the minds of our favorite characters and streamers, and sometimes it's unclear whether something is based in roleplay or reality. that creates a confusing dissonance between the events of the stream and the viewer.

cc bias is an unavoidable result of this. the viewer identifies with the character and streamer they enjoy watching most. so, they justify character actions they otherwise wouldn't and lash out against streamers who make their fave's life inconvenient in any way.

this is also why strong emotional reactions are not only common but standard when engaging with this type of storytelling. the viewer can sometimes react as if the events of the stream are happening to them or someone they love, resulting in high-strung emotions. this has also resulted in the "dead" fandom of the dream smp having reached a much more calm state.

(there's also the element of numbers - both dsmp and qsmp are incredibly popular, with streams topping national charts. i have no doubt that smaller servers with similar plots and dynamics exist, but they don't get the attention of as many people. the larger the fandom, the more likely you'll come across someone acting inappropriately.)

i don't really know how to continue this. but i think it's an interesting thought? i was reading my textbook yesterday and it talked about the urge human beings have to connect with and through screens, to merge with the digital, so i thought it would be interesting to apply that theory to this.

this might be correct. might not be. might exist in that limbo where most things are in which it's not true but not quite false either. no matter what you think on that end, i hope you enjoyed my shower thoughts.

[superman--yoosung]

hi hello! (◍ ´꒳` ◍) i happened to stumble upon your Genshin matchup event so i was wondering if i could participate?

— pronoun preference(s): she/they

— gender preference: male

— ballpark age preference: adult, but not Diluc please

— personality + morals/beliefs: i'm generally easygoing and patient, and often mistaken for an extrovert because of how friendly i can be. i've been told i'm very easy and calming to be around, however, i love my alone time more than socialising. i also have a bad habit of nagging people when i'm worried about them but can rarely spare a thought for myself ^^; i believe in what goes around comes around, both in its negative and positive meaning, so i try to do what i think is right while not wasting energy on stupid/mean people (sometimes it's hard though sigh)

— likes + dislikes: i love languages, and folktales (especially those that have eerie or unsettling undertones to it, same goes for books). i'm majoring in english right now as well! i also love, writing, dogs, flowers and stargazing.

as for dislikes, i don't like cold weather, extremely loud places like large concerts, and being stuck in someone else's rythm (them deciding on everything, listening to only them talk etc.)

— what vision you think you would have and why: perhaps electro because i feel like i'm often in my own dream world that i'm trying to lightly assimilate into my life.

— embarrassing moment from your life: as a kid i used to think you can actually fly with your umbrella like Mary Poppins if you jumped from a high enough place (places i jumped from include: a big oak, a greenhouse roof and a piano)

— additional info: i can speak four languages (three fluently, one is still under work xD), think i'm good at singing although i'm actually not but sing aloud anyway, and really want to visit a big desert or a tundra and just look at a humongous sea of stars!

that's all, thank you so much! hopefully this wasn't too much info, i apologise if it was ^^; and naturally, no need to do this if you don't feel like it. take care and have a lovely day <3

Hello! Thank you for sending in your ask!! This was really fun to do since you have so many interesting small details!!

Your matchup is.................................................

Alhaitham !!

Your interests and expertise just align so well. It was inevitable that you eventually crossed paths, and the rest was history!

..... Sort of. Your personalities don't seem similar at first - others outside of your friend groups expect you to be far too extroverted for Alhaitham, who would much rather spend his time quietly on the things that interest him. But unbeknownst to them, that's exactly how you feel, too - why spend energy and time on folks and topics whose presence and example fail to bring positive influence into your sphere?

Perhaps that's what kept Alhaitham coming back to you - that kindred spirit, that appreciation for simpler joys in life, that depthless yearning to learn about what you love.

Either way, what began as a shared love of languages and academic pursuits eventually morphed into something more between the two of you.

Fun details:

Electro + Dendro on the field means you two create some powerful reactions in battle!

When the weather gets cold, he'll always have your favorite warm drink ready and waiting by the time you get home. He won't let you wear his cape to stay cozy, though, so if you want it you'll have to steal it!

You probably get along with Alhaitham's friends better than he does!

Your evenings are usually spent quietly pursuing your interests in each other's presence; Alhaitham on one end of the couch reading a book, and you on the other finishing a paper or reciting new vocab for a language you're learning (and by the way, he'll chime in with a correction or critique now and then, too, because - of course he would)

You may nag him from time to time, and he'll usually follow your advice without question, as long as it's reasonable - but he'll always use that rational mind of his to point out when you've done so to your own detriment!

If you've forgotten to take care of yourself, he'll remind you to do so - he'll ask if you've eaten your meals, if you're sleeping well, whether you need to blow off some steam, etc. He tends to do so without a filter, though, so he tends to be blunt about it.

You, and only you, are allowed to regularly use his spare pair of noise-cancelling headphones.

If you suggest a visit to the desert or tundra or even just to go stargazing, he'll be happy to plan the entire trip with you - it gives him a reason to use his vacation days, and more importantly, it'll put a smile on your face for a week.

Your wild imagination is something that amuses him. Though he'll always logically point out the flaws in your daydreams, it's partly just to see your reaction. If you met as children, he definitely tagged along in your jumping shenanigans, but only to say "I told you so" when they inevitably didn't go how you hoped.

He doesn't make it a secret that he values your opinions, both academically and personally. He values your input and always takes it into account.

And what does he loves about you most? A simple question with a simpler answer: Your mind, which is both capable of highly logical thought as well as the most unrealistic of dreams. A juxtaposition he finds enthralling. He does also like to admire your frame in the moonlight, too, underneath all of those stars you so love - how the shadows cast along your shoulders, how your hair reflects the night's light.

~~I hope this is to your liking. I was very close to picking Zhongli for you because I thought he would be able to tell you the best folktales, but in the end I went with Alhaitham because I thought you shared some important views/interests. Have a good day~!

[viadescioism]

So,

During a recent conversation about race with someone, we both saw a native Hawaiian fighting for their rights and calling attention to the injustices that were done to them and their families. Despite witnessing the same event, we had different reactions to it. While I felt proud and inspired by the individual's bravery, the other person felt that they were living in the past and were inspiring more hate.

I felt the need to correct their perspective and explain that the injustices suffered by native Hawaiians were not ancient history. In fact, they were only recently able to begin speaking Hawaiian again in the 1970s, after years of suppression by the government. I then asked them how they felt about the numerous injustices suffered by minorities in the United States and elsewhere, but they fell into a state of complacency, stating that the ancestors who committed these wrongs are dead and gone, and that everyone now is equal, so there is no need to address past injustices.

This conversation left me contemplating the complexities of how people think about race, injustice, and the passage of time. What does it truly mean to be equal? Will time simply cure the injustices that have been done? Are the lives of my ancestors not worth standing up for? Is my life not worth standing up for?

As a person who has knowledge and experience in certain racial topics, I often find myself in the position of educating friends, family, and even strangers who may not fully understand these issues. The burden of educating others about race should not fall solely on those who are marginalized or discriminated against. However, the reality is that many people who are not affected by racial issues may not be aware of their privilege or the impact of their words and actions. As a result, it often falls to those who are directly affected by these issues to speak up and educate others. It can be exhausting and emotionally draining to constantly have to educate others, especially when it feels like the same conversations are being had over and over again. Along with that 50% of the time you might just be not believed even by the most well-intentioned of people or they'll ask you for a source when you're the primary source.

While I feel that it's important to share my knowledge and perspective, I sometimes wonder if it's my job to do so but a lot of the time I know if I don't speak up, nobody will.

On an unrelated note, I hate it when people try to shut down conversations about race or gender by saying "I'm not political." I'm here to tell you that if you live in a society and benefit from it, then you are a political person, whether you consciously act on it or not. This doubly applies to democratic societies, and some of us don't have the luxury of playing ignorant.

[cdevroe]

Revisiting Simon Collison's Farewell to Twitter

A very dead bird, October 2010, Plymouth, Mass. iPhone 4

Last night I revisited Simon Collison's post from early December 2022 Farewell, Twitter. I had read it shortly after he published it and while I agreed with what he wrote, it didn't hit me as hard as it did last night.

Simon claims that "others have articulated the situation better", however, last night I realized how well he managed to capture my own thinking on "the Twitter situation".

I'll be quoting several portions of his post below, but I urge you to go over to his website and read the entire thing and then come back here to read my bits.

Simon calls what is happening at Twitter "unnecessary chaos and destruction". Exactly. Ironically, I think if I wrote down on paper what I would have done to correct the business side of Twitter I would have deployed many of the same strategies that Elon Musk did. I would have reduced staff, shrunk footprint, revisited every policy and contract, etc. I would have tried to make Twitter as lean as possible as quickly as I could.

On the face of it, that is what Musk did. Except he did it in the polar opposite way of how I would hope I would have done so. I would hope that I would have been able to right the ship without throwing the passengers (both employees and users) overboard directly into the mouth's of hungry sharks.

I deleted the Twitter app and removed all bookmarks and shortcuts. I no longer go there for trends or live reactions (a real test when, for example, I want to check the vibe around this bonkers World Cup, itself a problematic yet addictive drug). No, I’m out.

During my recent break at the end of the year I had deleted the Twitter app as well as all other social apps. I like to do that when I'm on vacation, traveling, etc. It really helps me to be present. Of course, I've since reinstalled the apps and I check them fairly regularly. I've only posted on Twitter a handful of times since October of last year, but I like to use Twitter to get NBA scores, see what is happening during a news event, etc. I'm going to try to find alternative ways to get this information or simply do without it. As of today, like Simon, I've deleted the Twitter app from my phone.

I may occasionally exploit Twitter’s reach with a promo tweet, like each time I release music or cast my net wide in the search for new work. But otherwise, I’ll be absent.

I so appreciate Simon's honesty here. I've seen many people write scathing remarks about Twitter about how we should all jump over to Mastodon or our blogs, only to see them still active on Twitter. I believe the dopamine hit from posting to Twitter's large audience is addictive and very difficult to put down. And for some people, like Simon, they consider their Twitter audience vital to their work.

Fortunately, I do not care about my audience size. I never have. My blog here has always been my primary way to promote what I'm working on. And it has served me extremely well. I have a relatively small audience but I'm very thankful that small audience has a rather large reach.

His last paragraph is a bullet aimed straight at the vital organs. No doubt cathartic. Similar to Craig Hockenberry's recent diatribe - sometimes you just need to let it out!

Other tidbits and notes related to this topic:

A short Twitter wish list - I wrote this post in April of 2022 describing what I would do on the product side of things at Twitter. I wish I had written a post about what I would have done on the business side of things.

I believe I stated somewhere publicly that I thought Elon Musk's idea to make an X app that has similar features to China's WeChat - chat, payments, video, etc. - was a good idea. I thought Twitter was so stagnant over the last few years that a bold vision like that would help breathe life back into the platform. I still think an app like that could exist, but I no longer think Twitter would be the right foundation for it. It is clear that millions of people enjoy simple microblogging just the way that it is.

Twitter isn't going anywhere - In 2019 I argued that no matter how terribly Twitter is run, it would survive. And somehow I still believe that. Although it is looking like Elon is going to have to sell everything he owns in order to keep it running for the next few years.

[raifenlf]

Why Loki’s Sylvie Is A Mary Sue

So I am firmly in the camp that Sylvie on the Loki series was/is a Mary Sue.  The last episode made me feel better and like maybe the show was doing a thing where they were faking you out that she was a Mary Sue only to show she was actually sort of a bad guy and I liked that.  But all the recent interviews make me think the show wants to go back to her being a Mary Sue.

But I feel like when I call her out for being a Mary Sue people tell me what are you talking about, she’s not a Mary Sue, bad things happen to her, etc.  But that doesn’t actually make her not a Mary Sue.  

Also, before we start, I know some people find Mary Sue sexist.  But I personally use the term for guys and girls. I don’t use the term to belittle women.  I use the term to criticize a poorly written character.

And I know Mary Sue is often used to describe fanfic characters.  But to me, this series is kind of like a fanfic because the writers took a character who had been in canon MCU material for ten years and then created characters around that character.  So, I kind of review it like I would a fanfic.  It’s very different than if the writers had created a brand new show with all of their own new characters.

Anyway, if you are not totally familiar with the Mary Sue term, then check this out:

I know the term Mary Sue probably means different things to different people.  But I have always used these guidelines when I write my own fanfic to make sure my characters never come off as a Mary Sue.

This article really gives you a full scale of what a Mary Sue is.  If you start reading it, you’ll immediately see why Sylvie is.  But I’m going to take out the parts that most fit Sylvie just to highlight why I believe she is a Mary Sue.  I apologize for this being so long.

Mary Sue Character Traits

Personality

Erm... what personality? The typical Mary Sue doesn't have one per se, because she isn't meant to be a character; rather, she's an entity by which the author makes cool stuff happen.

I feel like that is Sylvie in a nutshell.  She doesn’t have a personality.  I feel like even though she ate screentime, I still don’t really know her at all.  The writers love to say she’s badass.  That’s not a personality.  

Sometimes when I am writing stories for fun and creating new characters, I like to take surveys as my fictional characters.  Like the kind of surveys you’d see in a magazine, like personality types, what’s your dating style, etc.  I figure if I don’t know what my character would do in any of those situations, then I need to keep working on my character.  And if I was trying to fill out a survey pretending I was Sylvie I would have no idea what to answer because she doesn’t have a personality.  She’s just “cool”.

What little personality a Mary Sue has isn't as important as how other characters react to it. No matter how shy or socially awkward Mary Sue is supposed to be, other characters will be inexplicably drawn to her

This is so Sylvie.  Loki falls in love with her...why, exactly?  He falls in love with her in the big Nexus event moment...why?  Because she had a tough childhood?  Mobius spends like two seconds with her in a car and goes from hating her to saying she’s his favorite Loki.  For. No. Particular. Reason.

She's extremely persuasive; everyone finds her opinions to be better than their own

She enchants Hunter B-15 and then immediately Hunter B-15 makes it her whole entire life mission to back Sylvie up.  

And occasionally she'll be a complete asshole...This can manifest itself in several ways...The author wants to write a badass but doesn't know how. This leads to a character who mistreats everyone around her and is never called out on her abrasive, casually abusive behavior.

Sylvie talked down to Loki and treated him like garbage for all of episode three, but it was never portrayed as a bad thing and we never got any impression Sylvie later felt bad for the way she treated Loki

The author doesn't know how to hold back the character, meaning that she will succeed at practically everything. This means that when she encounters rules or authority figures who would otherwise prevent her from doing what she wants to do, she rolls right through them (and they praise her for her "boldness" in defying regulations). If a bad guy is violent and aggressive, she can beat him by being more violent and aggressive (with all that entails). It's impossible for her to go overboard because she's protected by Protagonist-Centered Morality.

Sylvie is shown as a kid to immediately be able to grab a Tempad and run away.  And she can kick ass way better than Loki, for no known reason.  She is always able to fight back against the TVA when they attack her.  And she can kill lots of innocent TVA agents but it’s okay because TVA bad, Sylvie good.

Skills

She will always be superior to the canon characters, regardless of what canon has established they can do or whether it makes any sense.

Whose skill was needed to defeat Alioth?  Sylvie’s.  Of course.  Sylvie needed to teach Loki her skills in order for him to succeed (!).  And again, she is literally called the superior Loki.

Relatedly, there's no effort to her skills. She never actually trains or learns anything to become more powerful; she just wins the Super Power Lottery, or is a freakish natural learner, or is just Inexplicably Awesome

We’re told Sylvie literally taught herself magic.  She literally taught herself to enchant people.  That. Makes. No. Sense.  Like, I have so many questions.  Like, why would it even occur to her to teach herself that?  And how????????????  This is really lazy writing.

Canon Character Relationships

Mary Sue is often designed to hook up with another character, often as a form of Wish Fulfillment. This isn't that bad in and of itself (okay, it is kinda weird), but Mary Sue accomplishes this without any sense of realism. She just grabs her lover's attention straight away, and their relationship will never face any obstacles or tension; it's true love from the start and nothing else. The biggest giveaway is if the love interest is explicitly the author's favorite character, and she essentially "cures" him of all the angst that ails him (at the expense of his characterization).

Yeah, so...this one should be pretty obvious to anyone who watched the show.  Loki literally falls in love with Sylvie immediately, and then he suddenly turns from “villain” to “hero” just because of loving her.  And this was definitely at the expense of his characterization.  And Loki just knows he falls in love with her.  There’s not even any moments of hmm what do I feel for this person?  It’s just true love, immediately.

She will be related to a canon character in some way. This (marginally) helps explain such phenomena as her being a Copy Cat Sue and other characters accepting her so easily.

Sylvie is a Loki variant.  They use this to help explain why Loki is drawn to her and why their falling in love immediately “makes sense”.

Most characters give her more heed than they normally would. The good guys never stop praising her

Seriously, it was so over the top and OOC for Loki to gush over her.  He literally tells her she’s amazing.  They don’t even make it subtle.

Characters' previously established personalities change in reaction to her. Proud, arrogant gimps suddenly acknowledge her superiority in everything. Reckless youths will listen to all her advice. Responsible leaders will defer to her instead. Villains will obsess with her to the detriment of all else. Extremely competent characters will become stumbling buffoons who require her help to do anything. Sweet, mild-mannered characters whom the author doesn't like turn evil and insult her. They all become unnaturally focused on her in some way.

Again, Loki’s whole personality changed in reaction to her.  He became a buffoon who needed her help to enchant the Alioth because of course he couldn’t do anything without her!  Hunter B-15 goes from doing whatever the TVA said to fighting the TVA just because of Sylvie.

Story Elements

Mary Sue is without exception a single-person Spotlight-Stealing Squad. The entire story hinges on her existence; if you removed her, there would be no story. 

Sylvie undoubtedly drove the whole story this season.  It all became about HER meeting the TVA heads because of HER trauma.  Loki’s life was only saved at the beginning because the TVA was trying to capture HER.  And SHE was the one who started the whole multiverse (!).

Mary Sue is The Chosen One, even if the setting already has one. There are many ways she can accomplish this: she can be a Sailor Earth type who "shares" the position with the canon hero; she may be vaguely "destined to help the destined one fulfill their destiny" (i.e. do all the work except the final blow so that the prophecy is still technically correct); or the canon hero may be revealed to be a Fake Ultimate Hero all along. Being the Chosen One doesn't necessarily involve her being a God-Mode Sue, especially as authors become aware of the phenomenon and try to avoid it, but it does make her critically important to the world and allows her to continue stealing the spotlight without the "god mode" label.

HWR wanted Sylvie to come with Loki in the end, like she was chosen all along right alongside Loki.  Like one of the most important characters in the entire MCU is now this character who we only met a few episodes ago.

Most Sues have an unusually Dark and Troubled Past. It's often used to create a Sympathetic Sue, but any type of Sue can have one

They tell us, over and over, how hard Sylvie’s life was because she was kidnapped by the TVA in order to create sympathy for her.

She almost never does anything wrong. In the rare instance that she does, it's usually; (a) a way for the author to disclaim her being a Mary Sue by introducing a single imperfection (that has no bearing on anything anyway), and (b) designed to show her smarts by making her feel instant remorse, and she'll be Easily Forgiven anyway:

So this one hopefully will not come true, as a lot can change between now and when the show is taped. But if the show goes on the way the behind the scenes team is talking, Sylvie immediately felt remorse for betraying Loki, and Loki has already forgiven her and is desperately looking for her.  Ugh.

Alternatively, she is more than capable of doing something wrong, be it in general moral terms or something that goes against whatever code she abides by, and she maybe even frequently does so, but don't expect the other characters or the narrative to ever acknowledge or comment on it in any real capacity. If the other characters do call her out, expect them to be treated like they're the problem for daring to criticize her at all.

Mobius calls her out for killing people, but Sylvie immediately says he’s a bad person and then Mobius agrees, because, of course.

She will often suffer from Special Snowflake Syndrome; i.e., she has a trait or backstory that sets her apart from her group or race.

She is the only female Loki, thus making her the special one among all the Lokis in episode five.

Presentation

In visual media, the camera just can't stop staring at her.

The camera would follow her in fight scenes rather than Loki.

Mary Sue Tropes

Okay, so there are specific Mary Sue tropes that Sylvie is.  One of those is Copy Cat Sue, which I think was referenced before.

Copy Cat Sue

A lot of fanfic writers...start to write something because of their passion for this character, but they find something about the character that doesn't mesh well. Maybe they're the wrong gender or are otherwise not close enough to the author's expectations...In any case, rather than put them through the Possession Sue process, they just get a Clone-O-Matic™ and out pops a Copy Cat Sue...the character might be intended as a replacement for the canon character, but without whatever icky traits the author hates. They'll then rob the spotlight, prove the canon character to be unworthy of his/her position, and either relegate the character to obsolescence or, perhaps, even remove them entirely.

Sylvie is basically a clone of Loki, she is a variant.  But she absolutely robbed the spotlight of Loki’s, and they literally call her the superior Loki.  I mean, they are literally not even being subtle about this.  And there was a feeling by myself (and a lot of other viewers) that Sylvie might ultimately replace Loki in the MCU. 

Black Hole Sue

Much like a black hole, this is a Mary Sue who "sucks in" the plot and characters to her. Characters will behave outside their personalities, logic will be defied, and rules will be broken for her sake.

Sylvie really does suck up all the plot and Loki definitely behaves outside of his personality just to fit the Sylvie show.

Jerk Sue

A Mary Sue who is mean or maybe even cruel, but are still treated as an ideal person.

Once again, Sylvie is basically a jerk all of episode three, but you’ve got Loki falling over himself to call her amazing in just the next episode.

Relationship Sue

A Mary Sue who exists to be the perfect mate for a specific character...this character has everything in the plot conspiring to enforce this One True Pairing...in Fanfiction, they are the perfect beloved of a canon character.

They literally have Mobius speculate that Loki falling in love with Sylvie is so extraordinary that it causes an entire Nexus event, that’s how huge this One True Pairing is (!).  And Sylvie is the love interest of Loki, the only character who had been around before the beginning of the series

TLDR: Sylvie has all the tropes of a classic Mary Sue character.  So calling Sylvie a Mary Sue isn’t being sexist or just randomly hating on the character.  If you use common Mary Sue characteristics to examine the character, she just has too many of these characteristics to ignore.

[persephoneyss]

Doomeds.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x f! Reader. Ft. Bts.

Genre: Yandere, dark themes, anguish, suspense.

Summary: ❝We are doomeds, wandering in eternal suffering.❞

Warnings: Yandere behavior, obsession, stalking / stalking on cameras, humiliation, unspecified forced marriage, n*n-c*n explicit sexual relations (on the reader), abuse of power, implicit murder, drug use, kidnapping, hitting, manipulation, dating previous trauma, alcoholism and depression (in Yoongi), accusations of infidelity, dub-con (in Yoongi's case), the reader is in school but is of legal age, death threats, really strange facts. Possibly this would qualify as dark fantasy since everything is so unrealistic.

Number of words: 10,000+

︙Author's note: *sighs* This is the longest fic I've ever written, and I honestly don't know how it turned out because I didn't read it twice like I always do before publishing it. But my beautiful baby helped me correct, I hope you enjoy it and please read the warnings well, I do not want lawsuits. Thanks for being here!

(Sorry for any mistakes, my first language is not English and I am not fluent either.)

Puedes leer este fic y más aquí en español.

If they ever had to ask the reality of events it would be ... Unbelievable. Thinking of how just a simple action changes everything in an already established and perfect environment.

A life.

Your minutes, hours and days were the same under your criteria and eyesight, you study in the mornings, you work in the afternoons and you attend to your homework at night. It was a good routine that used to be repetitive at times, it was fun to follow, even more so in your part-time job.

You could meet many people working in one of the best cafes in the city, your classmate insisted too many times that you work with her saying that could recommend you and you should not even pass a test, they would only accept you for her.

It was a good opportunity and you accepted it with a smile, although she was long gone from work, you were still grateful for the good salary and health insurance that they gave you every month.

"An American coffee with a spoon of sugar and a green tea cake with cream on top." Your mouth and hand move in sync, the client nods silently. You smile, pointing out other details before asking what name you would give the order.

With a sigh, he name came out like a gust of light wind. "Min... Min Yoongi."

You write his name on the screen, the little receipt paper comes out of the machine. You hand it to him by brushing his hand with yours, strangely cold and pale. A chill runs through you but you ignore it, continuing with your work.

"Good Morning _____!" One of the employees greets you kindly, you correspond still concentrated on serving the mysterious stranger's coffee. "Do you have a request for me?"

"Oh, uh... Yeah, this is for table four."

Yun smiles taking the tray with Yoongi's coffee and cake, arriving at his table. The man's expression can be dazzled even under his black mask that covers half of his face, his eyes look for you before colliding with you. YYou refuse to play along, continuing with your work, you had a lot to do and wasting time flirting wouldn't really help you make money.

However, it became pointless trying to ignore him when he kept coming back day after day. Week after week. Tormenting your head, Yoongi was not the first nor the last handsome man you would see coming often, your work establishment was literally in a strategic area and not cheap, you knew that many men and women with money frequented them to drink a coffee or eat some delicacy, even sometimes they only came in to sit for a few hours attending to their affairs over the phone.

It was fine, it was comfortable. You weren't expecting too much, sitting behind a counter, always having to fake a smile despite being tired.

Perhaps it was the constant visits that led you to start a conversation with him. You had about an hour of rest, you prefer to spend those few moments sitting in front of the window of the premises eating any cake that was a few days before expiring to avoid paying for consumption, you felt comfortable in that place that seemed so far from all the other clients.

Until his voice interrupted once, he seemed as calm as ever. His gaze lost from you elsewhere avoiding making contact with you, nervous apparently. His rough and austere tone was changed to a bolder and lower one, asking if he could sit next to you for a few minutes.

"Sure, sit down... he's not busy." It was your answer without having any problem in sharing your place so secret, so comfortable. It was still just as safe even with him present.

And in much the same way, everything became a silent routine. You heeded his order, you took your rest next to him and then you both left at one point. The talks became more common, he being the first to ask about such insignificant things as the rise in the market in the country and how prices should start to rise in coffee as well.

You laughed, you really did it by getting his attention and sharing your reaction.

They both started laughing at how strange it all started, and it was always the perfect anecdote to tell their friends about how they met.

Everything was perfect, like a painting by a great artist, what you would see would be beautiful and cheerful colors, adorning both of you possibly holding hands with a smile and a loving expression from the man who was now your partner. Her pale skin and angelic face represented on beautiful thin paper, presented to the world as a painting that reflected a symbol of love between two souls met in a casual cafe and who wanted each other so much. Too much.

Yoongi was the clear representation of an ethereal person, casual and elegant, polite and kind, protective but not possessive. Simply to the target.

Your routine didn't change much after starting your relationship, you kept walking to your school in the mornings, you attended the cafeteria in the afternoons and you rested at night. Perhaps the only significant thing that you would get out of your boring schedule was your boyfriend's proposal about moving with him to the house of his best friend, almost a brother as he described it, and avoiding paying for your little apartment. You had made one and a thousand excuses, making Yoongi shut them all up.

"Jin is my brother, he would never take advantage of us. I already mentioned the proposal, about you... I have been living there for a few weeks, I assure you that you will be like family."

Family?

Your face relaxed for a few seconds, you had abandoned that feeling and sensation long ago since you moved from your home in your native country. Your mother used to call you every night but little by little that habit was lost, she also had her own problems and being aware of you as if you were a child was ridiculous.

"It's fine." It was your final decision, nervously you moved your hands in the air explaining what you would not accept.

Do not invade your privacy.

You had spent days thinking about how to introduce yourself to them, because apparently there would be more than just Jin, Yoongi and you in that house. Your things were scattered in boxes, you stood in the middle of the almost empty room still nervous about meeting new people and friends of your boyfriend.

That they were now family. Literally family.

The moving truck was parked in front of a large house, it had two stories and an incredibly large garden. More like a forest than an ordinary garden, you got out of the car trying to clean your clothes as much as possible and look presentable. Although it was difficult when your whole body was covered in dust after lifting the boxes.

"I'm not ready, Yoon." You say, containing your anxiety that vibrates to the surface of the skin within you.

Her hand gently brushed your cheek, giving you a bit of reassurance. "You look beautiful, they will accept you anyway." Her lips came up to yours, giving you a quick and soft kiss. "I just remember that I love you, and I know all my brothers will too because you are perfect."

You thanked the little compliment in a whisper, the door of the house opened just after the two of them left, you automatically showed a friendly smile approaching the first person to leave. He was a tall and rather handsome man, he seemed very well dressed to be indoors on a Sunday, more like he was going out to an important business meeting. He looked flawless and elegant.

"The suit was not necessary, Nam!" Shouted your boyfriend behind you mocking, the man laughed showing all the charm of him to your eyes.

"I'm Namjoon, Yoongi's friend. Nice to meet you... _____, right?"

"Yes, it's me. Sorry to see me so disastrous, it was a tiring day with the move."

Namjoon seemed like a very nice and incredibly understanding guy, his presence made you want to meet your boyfriend's other friends. You opened the door entering the house after Yoongi asked you to find your room to start carrying the other things, Namjoon stayed behind to help him, leaving you alone on your unknown route. You walk all over the place and you are surprised that you only walked through the living room, your eyes straying to a noise in the kitchen.

Curious.

You ignore it, continuing your way up, you read every name on the doors. Jin, Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook. All written brilliantly on each different door, you walk a few steps to one that says your name and you thank it with a sigh.

You weren't surprised by how big it was, everything inside that place seemed to be exorbitant and out of the ordinary.

"Oh, it must be you." You are surprised to hear a voice behind you, you turn around in fear before remaining calm. You recognized her face from a photo Yoongi had on her phone.

"Jimin?" You ask with fear of being wrong.

"It's me, it's nice to finally meet you. Jin-hyung said you're moving in a few days, I didn't think it would be so soon." His voice seemed to be calm but there was a hidden question. Why? Why were you there?

You take a few uncomfortable steps back. "It really was, but ... I thought it would be better to do it today that I don't have classes, plus Yoongi doesn't work this day and it seemed like the right thing to do. I'm sorry if bother you."

"No you don't. it's okay, Welcome." With that one simple word he left.

You thought you would have a longer talk with him but you weren't expecting too much, they didn't even know each other and you plan to chat with him like they were old acquaintances. Well, naive.

It seemed strange to you that no one else showed up in the whole house, even when you were uploading the last boxes of the move no one seemed to be a little curious to meet you. Aside from the already friendly Namjoon and the reserved Jimin.

"Yoon" You get his attention, he smiles at you taking the sheets out of your suitcase and making your makeshift bed ready for the night. "Do your friends work today?"

"I guess so, they really don't spend a lot of time together or at home." Explain without noticing your downcast face. You nod, putting the issue aside and concentrating your eyes on arranging your clothes. "Hey... Okay, you can meet them all at dinner today."

Your chest clenches in anguish, "Dinner?!"

"Yes, darling. It's the only time they meet all day, when Jin-hyung cooks for us especially on days like these where we have pleasant surprises."

You purse your lips annoyed, Yoongi smiles kissing your forehead so carefully and lovingly that it melts your senses. The mere presence of him made you want to continue with him forever, you relax for a few seconds hugging his body in silence. They both stay like this, with nothing to say but telling each other everything at the same time.

The thought of ever letting go scares you.

You wait several hours, still sitting in the same place where Yoongi left you. You should be presentable for dinner, you take a quick shower before running to change into a nice comfortable dress, you try not to overdo it but also not show disinterest. From the stairs you hear everyone's mixed voices, chatting animatedly.

"Honey, come here." Yoongi watches you, being the only one to notice that you were peeking in the shadows still unsure of interrupting.

You say hello by walking a few steps until you reach your boyfriend's side, you present yourself the best you can. Everyone falls silent, Namjoon smiles at you just like he did before. Jin interrupts the moment where no one seemed to have anything to say about you, or if he wants to want to introduce himself.

"Today we have a special guest, the dear girlfriend of our brother. I introduce myself, I am Jin the official cook of this family." His body bends down with an exaggeratedly long bow, proud of his words. Jimin rolls his eyes, while his other siblings just choose to tease. "On Yoongi's orders we made her favorite dish, so I don't want any complaints of any kind about the food. I'm looking at you Jungkook."

You are surprised how well everything is going, you feel praised when your favorite food is in front of you. She looked just as elegant, as if you were eating in a five-star restaurant and at a luxurious table with silk tablecloths.

Jungkook still stayed away from the talks, preferring to eat quietly and fiddle with his phone. Hoseok was more animated, asking about you and exaggerating anecdotes that happened with his childhood friends. He moved you that he will still remember all that after years. Namjoon vaguely drew your attention with book recommendations when you commented on your love of reading, Jin quietly continued eating in complete tranquility, Jimin thanked the food and just left.

Taehyung... He seemed interesting to you, he was looking at you all the time with narrowed eyes and when Jimin got up and walked away, he followed closely with a small and almost hidden smile.

You had a strange feeling inside what they called home.

"I-I... I need to use the bathroom." You say goodbye by wiping your lips with a napkin before quickly walking behind them both. Something attracted you to want to know more, as if they were leaving clues knowing that curiosity killed the cat and that you wanted to be the one.

Your steps were quiet, even more so when you tried not to be noticed . You went upstairs listening to their voices whispering and then... An obscene moan was clearly heard, Jimin seemed to laugh in the air.

Your hands shook thinking of opening the door and seeing what was happening. And without knowing it, you had fallen into the same network of attraction as them.

You curse yourself biting your tongue and cheek until they bleed, sure that you were going to make a big and heavy mistake. Minutes later you are going down the stairs back to the table but no one is waiting for you anymore, the table was just as spotless and clean. You are pleasantly surprised to learn that they don't treat you like a guest and that they don't wait too long for you. Maybe they had things to do, however you feel a chill when silence comes.

Where were?

You look around the yard, but no one is outside. Neither in the kitchen and less in the room where you had already walked twice. You catch the sound of drums in your ears rumbling loudly, you close your eyes in a daze for a few seconds until in an instant it goes away, and then everything comes back to itself. You hear their voices upstairs, chatting animatedly for the second time.

"Where were you sweetie? Are you okay?"

You nod still confused. How did they... When was that... You were really fine? You refuse to fall into paranoia and lie down next to Yoongi, as they continue their conversation with each other. Your head keeps spinning with the fresh memories you have, but they seem to disappear second by second and it scares you, you open your eyes without wanting to fall asleep yet but it is as difficult as breathing.

You fall into the dark abyss of sleep, feeling the same chill.

Your gaze is lost in the gray sky, you are cold and your body is swaying. Your eyes move restlessly observing that you are under the snow and a person holds you in his arms through the forest, walking at a slow and safe pace.

It's fine. Are you okay.

Wake up. Yoongi greets you from the door of your now room, you try to regulate your breathing thinking that he would notice your overwhelmed state and he would worry, but no. He is as calm as ever, relaxed even.

"Good morning beautiful, it's time for breakfast. Jin-hyung made your favorite." And with that last sentence she is shifting away, closing the door behind he.

You go down the stairs ready to go, your backpack resting on your shoulder. The table is just as full as at dinner, Jimin seemed very tired trying not to fall asleep, you watch him for a few seconds before looking at Taehyung who ignores you taking his cup of ... Coffee. You approach making him recoil alarmed and disgusted, you check the cup realizing that it is the same recipe that you use in the cafeteria.

Like them?

You look up noticing that, you were uncomfortable, Taehyung takes a few steps away from your body almost leaning against his, still sitting in his chair. You apologize to him making me sigh irritated, still ashamed you apologize again without eating or serving anything, just leaving through the front door.

Your journey is reflective. You forget, dream and recognize, that was the pattern you were following, everything seemed so strange and deep down gloomy, you feel the already casual chill running through your entire body almost like a warning.

Your seat in class was empty waiting, ready for you. Ari greets you, being your table companion and friend.

"Hey, intense night?" She jokes, you look shaking his head. She laughs pointing your neck. "You have... something there."

She frowns even more confused, her face leaves her smile aside and she starts looking at her things until she takes out a small mirror and she hands it to you. You look with horror at a large red bruise painting on your skin, it seemed painful but you had not even noticed or felt it. You touch it still scared and nothing, it doesn't hurt or it seems real.

You take a deep breath before lying with silly chatter, "I had an accident, but I'm fine. I had forgotten I was there, it was nothing serious."

Ari seems worried but in the end she forgets it by returning to the same kind and joking attitude of her, but her gaze drops from second by second to your neck making you cover yourself uncomfortable. Who? It can't be Yoongi, he was always very calm in that regard. You think terrified, your hand goes up to touch it and this time you manage to feel a sharp pain.

You have to cover it with the collar of your shirt so that no customer will notice it and avoid staining the reputation of the cafeteria, you smile nervously taking orders as fast as you can and avoiding looks. Yun greets you like every day, arriving at his work time. You spend hours begging for the clock to advance faster, the night sky appears and the doors close, you clear the last counter before you can finally show your neck again and breathe.

"That's a big problem." Yun whispers looking at the horrible mark, you nod with a sigh giving the same stupid excuse you told Ari. "You should use a little makeup to cover it up, I think it will help you a lot."

You think about it for a few seconds before deciding what you would do. You bow to him with a bow after he offered to close in your place and finish the remaining work for you.

You come home with a smile, you greet Namjoon who is reclining on the couch in the living room watching something on TV. You wait a few seconds but you do not receive a small or accidental look, you approach a few steps to repeat it again but you only get him to get up and go upstairs closing the door of his room apparently with a door slam. What the hell? You think covering your face with your hands looking for some comfort.

Everything was happening inside you, it was like a whirlpool sweeping away your sanity. Were you going crazy? Or you were just thinking a lot about nothing.

You try to draw a picture of your situation, but the only thing that repeats is the constant painting of Yoongi and you together.

"Yoongi!" You say to yourself with a smile, you drop your backpack running towards his room, wanting to see him after such a day.

Your hopes fade like air, everything within the space him screams 'he', but he is not there. You check the safe time that he should be home at that moment. You hear Jin's voice screaming from below about dinner ready, you sigh losing your appetite at those moments.

You lie on your bed checking your cell phone in case there was a message from Yoongi warning about he delay but nothing. You feel empty for some strange reason, but there was nothing different about it now.

If I had been more attentive and conscientious, you would have noticed that two more people other than Yoongi and you were missing from the table. Jin smiles sitting in his same place leaving your plate not caring without you being there with them, his smile never fades even when all his brothers are sitting silently eating and looking at your empty place so intensely that it was terrifying, he squeezes the cutlery in his hand without wanting to break the tradition in his family.

Dinners are sacred and no one should be missing. There will be no discussions or complaints, that's what the rest of the time is for.

That was what her mother said, sitting at the table in her old home containing her anger at seeing her husband so calm after having been unfaithful once more. Not on the table, not on the table.

Not on the table, honey.

Jimin opened the last bottle with a little satisfaction, poured another glass before handing it to his friend who was only glaring at the ground.

"She's not like that... I know her." Repeating the same stupid prayer for hours, Taehyung rolled his eyes trying to calm his annoyance, looking at his other friend insisting that he help him.

"Yoongi-hyung you saw it yourself, she had that... That mark. you didn't do it, maybe Tae is right and she-..."

"Not!" I scream interrupting what to him were lies. "_____ she's my girlfriend, she's not like that. I know her ... she loves me! She loves me! Do you understand?" Says exalted, holding the shirt of his friend who closed his mouth immediately, Jimin noticed that same reflection of anger in him and knew it was better to leave it for now.

Taehyung pushed the drunk Yoongi away from his side, making him release him and repeat the same phrase as in his state, he tried to believe himself.

The door to your room was opened and the smell of alcohol invaded you, making you look disgusted. You closed your eyes without wanting to see him, his body fell to the side of your bed approaching your body so slowly that the anxiety inside you doubled.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered.

His hands rested around you, giving you that warmth so familiar and comfortable in your gray days. A sob was heard while you lost yourself in your own thought, you watch it melt into your arms crying and without wanting to tell you why.

"It hurts." It's the only thing it says. But... Why?

You wake up. Just like a week ago, days had passed and it seemed like your skin kept accumulating horrible marks all over the place. You even went to consult a doctor but he only insisted that something... Or someone did them with such fury that it was incredible that a piece of skin will not be torn off by the force of his suction.

You touched the last mark that came, it was dangerously close to your crotch, you try to hide the others with makeup but they were still visible at a short distance.

You went down the stairs to see them all again, you greet with regret taking the first thing you find. Your mug had your name written on it, it was a rather curious gift from Jin after your melancholic night with Yoongi days ago, he apologized explaining that he felt bad after hearing all the sobs and apologies. For a moment you thought it was something exaggerated but he kept insisting that he felt bad about himself, not with Yoongi who was almost his brother or with you, with him.

You accepted it without wanting to show your dislike for his selfishness and narcissism, thanking him so softly that he hardly heard you.

The special drink that morning was coffee... Americano. You felt insecure to drink it, and you just put it aside.

Same recipe.

Yoongi looked at you for a few seconds before smiling fondly, and you just looked away, leaving him with a confused face as you walk out the door so quickly that he can hardly feel you.

He sighed before being drawn to Jimin's grin-adorned face, he shrugged, hinting at his silent opinion. She is not faithful to you Yoongi, why do you keep waiting for something good? Only looks at her body, her attitude and who she surrounds herself with, it is a classic of womens. You will know that she is a fox hidden under her sheepsuit, just observing her more and you never leave her.

The marks on your body, your cold attitude made him more and more suspicious and fall for Taehyung's profound words. She bit his lip, refusing to spy on your life away from him... Out of his sight.

But he really wasn't doing anything wrong, just observing. In his now dirty head, everything was valid if he could know the truth.

You did the same thing you always told him on his nights where they stayed up talking about his heavy days. You went to school, to work, and then home. Nothing changed your version.

I try to focus on your friends, there was only one girl you spent more time with in your classes and after them. He researched everything about his life, but he had nothing to worry about after learning that he had a boyfriend. He passed your work, standing outside for hours waiting to see you do something dirty or guilty, but you never seemed to move.

You just served the orders and then kindly said goodbye to the customers. He felt guilty for doing something so low to you, until he saw you.

To you.

Your smile grew when one of the workers who was your partner approached your place in the box to whisper something in your ear, you left your place following him towards the warehouse.

Anger consumed him quickly, refusing to continue standing there observing the obvious, possibly he was being irrational and he knew it but the constant insinuations of Jimin. The conversations with Taehyung, his words, his suspicions, the pleased looks from they when he fell back at his feet asking them to tell him what to do with you.

With his damn relationship.

Where were you and him. Not them. You and he.

He opened the door to your room and started going through your things like a degenerate, something must have made him sure that you were cheating on him. Something, a letter, a note, a gift from him, or a simple cheap jewel.

This was your Yoongi? You were clearly looking at another subject.

"Yoon..." You started, his eyes coldly piercing you. He looked different, he was looking at you but you didn't feel safe being so close. "What are you doing?"

"What do you think I do?" He asked how else he will not point to the obvious, for a moment you thought that even if it was, out of respect or dignity, he would try to deny it or find another explanation for his actions so offensive to you. "Where is?"

"Where is what?" You claim, starting to get angry, his eyes leave you again as he continues searching through your drawers, dropping everything to the floor with thudding noises. You get closer trying to push it away but you only get rejection. "Stop it, Yoongi."

"Not until you say so."

You freeze without knowing what he meant by the latter, you take his arm to stop him but you only receive a push that makes you back away this time scared by the force of his attack. "Enough!" You claim this time by making him look at you with his cold eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about and why you're doing this, but enough."

"Then say it..." You shout again that you don't know what he wants you to say, you even curse furiously making him come closer to support your shoulders with his hands bringing you closer to his face. "Say it damn it! Say you're cheating on me with that bastard son of a bitch!"

You feel the pain of his grip, you sob, begging him to release you but are ignored as he continues to ask you to say so. You refuse to lie, especially with something so degrading.

Jin hears the screams as he continues serving the dinner desserts, Jungkook strangely puts aside his phone for a few minutes to thank him with a small toast and a smile that was rarely seen on him.

"The dessert tonight is sweeter than usual."

Jimin raises his glass with a bright smile, Namjoon adjusts his tie tied perfectly around his neck as he sips from his glass, Hoseok laughs eating the delicious cake with enthusiasm.

Curious, a green tea cake with cream on top.

"It's a shame Yoongi-hyung misses out on dessert." Taehyung speaks pretending a pout on his lips, playing with his spoon with the cream on her plate. "It is especially exquisite today."

"Stop playing already, when will you do it? I'm looking forward to getting started." Jin snaps angrily, pushing the cake out of her sight as he drinks from her wine glass.

Jungkook laughs, turning his phone back on to continue playing as usual. "So impatient, hyung." He says he with a click of annoyance.

Jin rolls his eyes, following her gaze to Jimin who is innocently cowering in her chair. Ignoring how completely obsessed Jungkook is with his games, it really was not his business,for something his youngest friend had his parents, who were too busy with their work, they ran the largest electronics factory in the country, leaving his son in the background just giving him everything he asked for without objection. Always showing a smile when little Jungkook came before them demanding a new console or the best phone.

"It only remains to wait..." Whispering, he released a patient Hoseok. His smile as charming as ever. "For her to decide what to do and then... Plot! She fell into the wrong well."

"I hate when you describe and talk like that, but I can't expect much from a Jung... like you."

However, Hoseok never stops smiling even when anger is consuming his mind causing him to clench his fists under the table and bite his tongue inside his mouth, hidden by his gleaming and visible teeth. Namjoon smiles at her, knowing that she managed to provoke him but that she won't do anything to shut him up.

"Pathetic."

Motherfucker.

Jin breaks the tense silence, shushing everyone with a snap. That silence. Nobody hears anything from you or Yoongi, for a moment they feel the anguish that something bad has happened or that his friend has lost a bit ... The hand. But just seconds later you're rushing down, wearing the same clothes and your face covered in tears. You don't even look at them when you run to the door, leaving a trail of emptiness behind you.

"Hm, intense." This is Jungkook speaking, his eyes still lost on the phone screen of him playing a silly online championship. "She will be fine after hours."

"Jungkook is right, now we must move with Yoongi."

Namjoon gets up walking to your room, surprised that everything seems almost the same as it was before their fight.

He smiles when he manages to see his friend laying on the floor sobbing, and like that children's book called Pinocchio, he feels good being that cricket-shaped voice of reason. Only this time that sweet and serene voice, released one and a thousand blasphemies that would contaminate even the most devout by his beliefs.

He managed to convince Yoongi's easy to manipulate mind, blurting out words almost like a song. Playing with the naive self of hes that still lived and breathes inside him.

You had come home after days of spending with Ari and her boyfriend away from him. You really didn't want to set foot in that house again in years, a small irrational part of you believed that it was all his fault, your real problems started when you set foot in that damn place.

You open the door observing the room in the same way, empty. You try not to make yourself feel ready to go to sleep, without having been able to do it in days, but now you doubted that it would be different here.

You remain static in view of everyone, you had forgotten that at that time they were having dinner together. They only met once a day and it had to be right there.

"Good evening, sorry to interrupt." You ignoring Yoongi's gaze that, he's trying not to get too excited about your return, even though she causes he to euphoric whirl. "Carry on, I'll just go to my room."

"Please no, sit with us."

"I'm not well."

"I insist, sit with us. They were difficult days but I know they can fix it." Jin puts a plate in front of one of the empty chairs, you refuse to sit down but you do it out of compromise.

Everyone seems to be exclusively quiet, dinner was gray, like a black and white painting. Remember the first dinner, where everyone seemed to have so much to say and now that was left behind, Jungkook continues to play with his phone sometimes moving his plate by accident, without touching a single silverware with the intention of eating. Jin eats in peace, so slowly that he is strange. Namjoon reads a book in his hand, eating so cleanly that it's amazing.

Hoseok looks at you playfully from time to time, with a smile that almost makes you smile the same. Jimin and Taehyung seem to communicate silently, they both look at each other with slight grimaces and smiles.

"We can talk?" Yoongi whispers, you feel her breath next to you and instinctively you walk away scared. Still hurt by her actions and attitude, you give your vow of silence by standing up and without saying goodbye, you walk up the stairs.

"How rude." Jungkook interrupts, keeping an eye on his screen lighting up his beautiful face. "He didn't even taste the food."

Yoongi looks at Jin, her oldest friend and the one she trusted the most, seeking some advice. But just gets the same treatment as always, a look insisting that go with you and try to fix her mistake.

However, it was late. You had packed a makeshift suitcase by going down as quietly as you could, exiting through the back door like a thief or a fugitive.

You spent days thinking about your cowardly way of running away, but in the same way you felt better and even more so when you did not receive any message from him. Maybe it wasn't that important to him, it hurt but it also relieved you.

You knew it would be awkward to see him in the face again, but you should go back and get your things over with as soon as possible. You naively thought of forming a friendship, a very distant one, but in the end it would be the healthiest thing for both of you.

"______?" Asked the person who opened the door after you barely managed to ring the bell due to nerves, he was clearly confused.

"W-good morning ... Jin." You greet by taking a few steps back to get a better look at it, you had forgotten how tall it was. "Sorry to bother I just wanted to -..."

"Talk to Yoongi? I'm sorry but he's already better without you, he even met someone new." You were surprised by his austere, sour tone and trying to intimidate you. "And you better go, you are not welcome here."

"No ... No, I-I came for my things but I'm glad to know that it's better now, and that ..." The words stayed in your mouth, almost as if it hurt to admit it. "I was able to find someone, I hope we can be friends. Also with you, I'm sorry I left without explaining or saying goodbye properly."

You waited what seemed like ages for her response, and you expected more than a simple nod of the head, letting you pass without a hitch. You searched your room quickly, trying not to have any contact with any of them for now. You opened the door that had your name on it but you were scared by what you found inside, the whole room had been painted blood red, a very dark color that managed to give you such familiar chills.

"What is this? Where are my things?!" You turned around ready to go and claim but the door closed behind you with a stormy noise. You ran to try to open it but it did not move an inch, you searched the whole room for something useful to help you but it was completely empty, and alone.

You sobbed in fear, not understanding what was happening and why it seemed that the walls were getting narrower every second. You fell to the ground, trying to stay calm and without losing your goal, hours and even days passed for you, you waited to hear at least one noise but everything was so quiet that you had to avoid going crazy, you played with your hands trying to distract yourself and think positive things, you had read many books about stressful situations to know that thinking a lot about those things caused even more stress, you lie on the floor sure that a nap will calm everything down, if it was a nightmare you wanted to wake up and if not , you wanted to dream that it was.

A lock, you hear that particular noise and you wake up. You open your eyes as fast as you can lifting your body, the door was slightly open as if someone was exiting. You scream for help but it closes, you fall back into sadness and despair screaming even more for your freedom.

You didn't deserve this.

You look with regret at the delicious food they left for you, for a moment you think about going on a hunger strike but your stomach demands you not to be so stupid. The same would not change anything. Regardless of manners, you eat as fast as you can, dropping quite a bit of food on the ground in your rush.

It had an exquisite taste, and you could recognize it everywhere. It was one of your favorite dishes, you felt disgusted to compare it to your mother's food, but as magnificent as it was, it reminded you so much of her.

You wait for something to happen, but minutes go by in which you just look at nothing, letting your head fly. Thinking of a thousand things, playing with the spoon and singing in a low voice.

You feel hot from one moment to the next, your vision becomes cloudy and the door opens again. You just stay in the same place, you don't care about anything, not even how they hold you by helping you walk into another room.

"You were right, she is very calm now."

You look at him, their faces so familiar and you try to place them, but your head is flying away at that moment. You close your eyes laughing, and drifting into unconsciousness.

You wake up. You open your eyes and you are tied, you struggle with the ropes that hold your arms while the bed below you makes your body bounce. You touch the sheets realizing that they are extremely soft, you are in an unfamiliar room surrounded by scarlet red, with elegant and shimmering decorations. You try to stand up but your legs, like your hands, are tied.

And you're still quiet because of the rag in your mouth.

You fight the bindings furiously, screaming into the cloth as much as you can get sick of being locked up again.

You think of Yoongi, although at that moment it was irrelevant you wonder where she is and if she knew that she was being kidnapped in such a way, would she help you at least? Resignation covers you completely, fighting the bonds again with such force that you feel like they burn your skin every time you move.

You sob, just as he did one fall day.

Yoongi watches you from the monitor in another room, Jin is talking to Namjoon to the side while Jungkook is still sitting in a corner entertaining on her phone. Jimin, Taehyung, and Hoseok seem reluctant to look at each other despite facing each other.

Remember the day, the one in the past, when he met them. Jimin and Taehyung were already friends playing in one of the children's castles, with their hands pretending to be weapons as they ran around. Hoseok was sitting next to his mother, talking and apparently they had a lot to say. Namjoon did not detach from the side of his father who urged him to go up to the games, while Jin was busy collecting Flowers in a basket that his grandmother was holding.

They were all strangers and even more so he, felt out of place surrounded by so many games and away from home. His parents had freed up a whole day to spend together in a decent park, it was several hours of travel from Daegu to Seoul only for his son to play in a beautiful park surrounded by luxurious buildings.

He dropped down next to her mother, hugging her without wanting to let her go.

"Min Yoongi, we didn't take this trip just for you to sit there all day, son."

"I'm scared..." he whispered, biting her lip and hiding her face in the neck of his beloved mother.

"I see... but the games look so much fun. Run and try them, love."

He nodded still uneasy, walking over to one of the swings where he sat rocking so slowly that he seemed still. He felt hands pushing his body from behind, scared he looked at the boy behind him, he had a smile on his face and waved him with a hand.

"Sorry, I thought you needed to be pushed." He spoke and did not seem at all nervous.

"I'm fine, but thank you..." There was a momentary silence before he interrupted again. "I am Yoongi."

"Hoseok, although my mommy calls me Hobi."

He smiled, offering himself this time to push the swing, they spent minutes like this just helping each other take a walk pleasantly. He didn't even think about it when Hoseok offered to talk to Jimin and Taehyung about how they'll all play together in teams.

Now in the present, he smiled again remembering how he met Jin that same day, he had collided with him when he was running so as not to be caught by Jimin. His older friend was flushed with anger, screaming for her flowers and his dirty clothes. His grandmother teased him a bit making him deny even more, he followed Yoongi for several minutes until the chase because of her desire to hit him became a game.

They both fell to the ground tired, laughing before Hoseok introduced himself to Jin. Namjoon arrived shortly after, curious about the commotion and why he had gotten bored of sitting for so long, as he explained later. Besides that his father didn't have the best conversation starters.

He cried so much that very day when he had to go home again, promising to return soon.

"We have everything ready, are you ready?" Jin stood next to him, his eyes looked at him but he couldn't recognize his childhood friend. The same one that he offered to organize his birthday parties when his parents could not afford them, the same one that he never took advantage of his money to lower it. The one who hugged him as many times as he could when he came out of his therapies after his parents died.

Who was this man?

"Y-yes." He murmured still stunned. He got up, following in his footsteps with his head lowered.

They opened the door showing him, you were distracted biting the cloth in your mouth and trying to move your hands to free them.

Your body felt the same repetitive chill making you look at them feeling their presences so... uncomfortable.

"Enough." Jin ordered as you continued your insistent useless movement, trying to free yourself. "I'm not playing around, stop."

Me neither, idiot. You clench your teeth as much as you can at not being able to say it out loud, you stubbornly keep moving even faster than before. Your hair falls on your face from your busy tossing and you stare at him, challenging his patience and judgment.

You try not to tremble when he approaches you with intentions that deep down manage to scare you. But you continue, the bed moves as fast as you do until his hand falls against your cheek causing a gasp to come out of your gagged mouth.

"Hyung!" Yoongi claims holding her hand to prevent her from trying to hit you again, you feel the particular burning on your right cheek and the tears growing back in your eyes. "Please, no blows. That was not what we agreed on."

Jimin cleared his throat, a satisfied smile on his face, "We never specified anything, actually... Yoongi-hyung."

"Jimin is right, you never specified any kind of restriction for her and us." Namjoon clarified making you look at them confused, it was as if they were talking in terms of employment or contract.

But you had never signed anything.

"B-but they can't do that, they'll never accomplish anything if they force her." He tried to persuade him but Jungkook sighed, dropping his phone to the ground and then stepping on it like it was worthless. "She will just hate them."

"She will do it anyway, if we let her off her or try to convince her to stick with sweet words she won't think twice and she will run away ready to report us for kidnapping."

"In addition to the damages that she suffered here." Namjoon continued to condemn Jungkook, uplifting her surname and her family's status.

"You are in this with us or against us, there is still a free place in the basement for you with chains just as heavy."

Again, the same chill ran through you causing you to cringe in your place. These men were insane, they were capable of betraying each other, and worse, they could possibly also consider shooting themselves in the back when they weren't looking at each other. All for you, as if you were some kind of prize for winning and owning.

After moments that seemed eternal, Taehyung was releasing your mouth as you began to complain about what they were doing, how they dared and demanding freedom.

Really a classic, so much so that it was witty and hilarious that you said it literally.

They forced you to kneel on the ground with your hands on your legs still perfectly tied. More questions filled your mouth not knowing what they were planning, all you could do was look at them so scared it was adorable.

"Uh... Well... I guess one should go first." Jin says, taking a few steps away from your crouched figure.

Jimin stepped forward, standing in front of you causing you to look up from your spot below him.

"What are you doing?" You ask weakly, you try to drag yourself away when his hand struggles with his pants to remove it but Jin holds you in place. Getting on his knees to speak into your ear softly.

"You better take a breath instead of trying to run away, honey. I thought you were smarter... hm?" He laughs mocking your scared face, you refuse to open your eyes and mouth making him stop laughing in annoyance.

Jimin sighs taking your face in his hands so roughly that they will surely leave a purple mark on your skin. He was still dressed, I was hoping I could humiliate you more and then fuck your mouth until you suffocate while his hyung explains everything to you. How it all started, his obsession, his plan, they had planned everything so perfect that it was terrifying, everything monopolized on one board.

Soon as soon as possible you will just be a cute housewife and you will forget your life before that day. Not for nothing did they have a closet full of cheerful and homely outfits ready for you, they wanted to destroy you and then put you back together just to serve them.

You would be his wife, of everyone.

"Come on, little bitch..." Jimin started, reaching over to kiss you on the lips even though you refused to do so. You really no longer had a vote or a word of objection in his plans. "Open your eyes darling, you don't want a stray bullet to land in your mother's skull, do you?" He threatened making you obey even more scared than before.

"P-please don't hurt my mother!" You sob, clasping your tied hands in supplication.

"Oh, we won't.... yet." He whispered kissing your lips one last time before imposing himself on your kneeling body. Her cock came out of her pants, stroked a few times before guiding it to your lips. Your stomach contracted, and you pulled your face away as far as you could before Hoseok held you by the hair tightly pulling you close again. "Take it, baby. Everything will be fine if you just obey."

"I hate them, they disgust me" You whisper before Jin forced you to open your mouth making you take it, you fight for a few seconds but her hips are already moving making you choke and gasp. His moans are so loud they make you squirm but his hands hold your head close to him.

"I told you you'll take a breath, but you're a dumb whore." His breath is hitting your neck directly, your skin crawling trying to distract you from anything other than Jimin's cock in your throat causing you to gag and vomit. "I bet you're wondering why, what did you do, and nothing really. Or if Yoongi!"

You do not look at your boyfriend before, you only focus on Jin who smiles, caressing your body with his hands, almost exceeding your limits. However, what did it matter if he did it, there was nothing you could do for yourself.

"You were only here, I think we all loved you from the first moment we saw you. We spent many nights wondering what was special about you, many of us had dated women before but you... You were so different, you had something that attracted us and it made us go crazy. " His hands squeezed your breasts causing you to gasp on Jimin's cock who moaned with pleasure, continuing his steady and hard rhythm. "Taehyung got involved in the matter. "

Jimin smirked when your eyes went up to him, your eyes showing how angry and helpless you felt. And it was exquisite.

"I bet you didn't know about your beloved boyfriend's background,locked up in a rehab center for alcoholics for two years. Three years taking therapy for his depression after the tragic death of his parents, quite strong actually." His words had such a strong past but from his mouth they came out as if it were not so important. Something common for him. "I'm surprised he loved you so much and didn't tell you."

You cried unable to turn your face to look at him, deep down you wanted to put Yoongi aside and not hate him for this. But it seemed almost impossible when he was there, doing nothing, so calm that it was unreal that he had ever looked at you directly and declared his love to you over and over again. For months.

"He really was fine for a while until we decided to make him fall again, one drink after another... First trust him, then question their relationship and finally make them argue." A laugh left his lips, it was almost uncomfortable that he was the only one doing it. Everyone else was so quiet just watching. "But I can't give myself all the credit, let me introduce ourselves well, my dear."

Jimin walked away from you letting you breathe again, you had almost forgotten that he had been doing that act against you. Your tied hands help you hold off the ground by not being able to breathe properly, you feel so weak that you are about to pass out but you refuse to look weak in front of them.

"Kim Seokjin, son of the best chefs in the country and heir owner of thousands of five-star restaurants, inside and outside the country." His body crouched down, making an extremely long bow. Namjoon stood next to him, with the same smile from the day he met you. "Kim Namjoon, the only and adored son of the best lawyers and mayoral candidates, future presidents if occasion permits." There was a strange tone behind his voice, with a knowing wink. "I thought you can guess what Hoseok's parents do, but I'll tell you just in case. Great psychiatrists recognized for their countless achievements outside and within the country, having a tradition from generation to generation, capable of manipulating even the cleverest mind like yours."

Hosoek smiled at you, but this time his smile showed malice and pride. All that time you were surrounded by people who wielded a certain power and influence, oblivious to the fact that they could ever use it against you.

"Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung... Maybe you heard about their surnames on the news two years ago? Families specialized in medicine, their knowledge dazzles science and biology. Before allies and now both surnames are enemies competing for the market, but who would say that their children would meet secretly and use their same knowledge to retain a precise treasure." His hand stroked your hair causing you to recoil angrily, with a grimace of disgust and resignation. "Well... Finally Jungkook, son of the best technology creators in the country. Capable of creating anything, millionaires obviously, like everyone. Faithful lovers and devoted to he son, giving him everything he wants. " He stopped for a moment and then brought his hand to your ear taking out one of your earrings, you looked at him confused before he opened it showing a tiny device that lit up. "Even creating a more than wonderful device, a tracker of the smallest size."

You opened your mouth completely petrified, looking at each and every one of them. Most of them had a firm and conceited posture, but your eyes only looked at him.

"Were you in on this?" You ask by moving your body slightly, Yoongi only remains silent, avoiding looking at you at all costs, even if it is out of mercy you demand a simple word. "Speak! Tell me! Tell me!" You scream completely out of control, letting out all your frustration and anger with him, just him. It's all his fault. "Tell me now! To finally be able to completely hate them all... Please tell me, I just want to stop inventing and fooling my head trying to justify why you are standing there doing nothing for me" You sob almost exhausted, " Without helping me, when before you said you love me."

His eyes meet yours a few seconds before Jungkook chimed in, completely certain that you were trying to play your manipulation cards to get rid of them. Funny, they had done the same to catch you, their hyung could sometimes be so... credulous. That it was ironic that she was older than him.

"Good enough talk for today." He demanded, causing you to hide your head again in fear. You were so scared, even with the pain in your cheek and jaw from being forced by Jimin, you would never give up on them.

Your mouth felt dry, you couldn't remember the last time you drank water alone. As if they could read your thoughts, Taehyung appeared with a tray with a glass of water and a purple pill.

"Take that away from me." You scream when he tries to put the pill in your mouth, backing up as far as your bound legs will allow.

He sighs bored, as if he doesn't have the patience to deal with it, "If you want water you'll have to do this."

"What is it?" You ask almost breathless from the lack of water in your body, he smiles before bringing the pill to his face to look at it rolling it on his finger.

"Hm... Vitamins." Respond after hesitating. "Everything you need in one compact little pill. It was an invention by Jimin and me, we were hoping you would be the first to try it."

A few seconds ago you remember hearing about the reputations of both families, they were specialists who probably passed that knowledge on to their children. If they knew what they were doing with them, they would be shocked. Your reasoning tells you no, to throw it away and try to run away but your head and body can't take it anymore, they demand water and a rest.

"I-it's okay." You accept, removing the pill and the glass of water from the tray angrily. You put the pill in first, then the water so hard your mouth hurts from the force.

You return the glass silently, eyeing him suspiciously before sitting back down and walking a few inches away. You wait for everyone to do something, but they stay so still as dolls that it scares you, everything about them and their attitudes was creepy.

I wish you had noticed earlier.

And now you feel it, it was not pain, nor anxiety. I was just calm, the noises seem to decrease and your vision does not blur but you feel so relaxed that you do not seem to be affected by any drugs. You could feel it all, but you didn't care.

It was relaxing but you weren't far this time, you remember the previous scenes. When you ate the food they gave you, it was similar but as if it had been modified so that you can remain docile and obedient, but at the same time you know what they are doing.

Your body falls on the bed, you don't even try to get up. Your brain isn't thinking about that, it just gets distracted by the decorations around it, but it clearly perceives one of them nearby. Namjoon is behind your body lying face down, half is on the bed and your legs are still kneeling on the floor. You feel his kisses so desperate on your neck, his hands touching your breasts and stomach trying to lower himself further, anxious not to wait to fuck you as he always wanted and should have been.

You do not fight when his legs open yours with force and speed, you just stand still, thinking with your head glued to the soft sheets of the bed, deep down you can slightly feel your desire to push him and push him away furiously, you want to do it but not you do. You feel so confused that you sob into the sheets in released frustration.

"I thought I heard from you, that her wouldn't refuse anything with his stupid pill." Jin whispers, disgusted seeing you struggle with yourself in search of reason.

"I don't see her deny it." Jimin retorts, crossing his arms with a small victorious smile.

Yoongi stands aside, not wanting to accept this but likewise, like you, does nothing to avoid it while Namjoon sinks deep inside you causing you to writhe overwhelmed and let out a groan of pain, your mouth opens to complain and probably ask him to stop, but he instantly closes again only releasing more gasps and squeals.

They spend minutes with all eyes on you, taking the cock of her friend who abuses your sore pussy from overstimulation, this time you are crying and begging for mercy to stop. Even in your unconsciousness you continue to feel all the pain and also the pleasure that is now almost non-existent.

"S-stop!" You cry between gasps of exhaustion, your hands had been released by Jungkook seconds ago so that you can hold on properly. However, you only use them to try to ward off Namjoon who is holding you against the bed by slamming his body against yours with obscene noises. The bed squirms like you, colliding with the wall in sync.

"A little more baby... Just a little more... And I'll fill you with my cum, so fucking tight. You like that, hm?" Her breath very close to your cheek makes you react, you squeeze your eyes almost suffering from your next inevitable orgasm. You scream making everyone watch you fascinated by how your face contracts with pleasure and pain, you try to walk away when the moment of ecstasy recedes, but he continues to fuck you bareback hard, selfishly chasing the release of him against you.

You spent hours repeating the same routine, sometimes sometimes even more hours than you can remember or count.. Your body was completely covered with bruises and marks not only made by them manually, you had discovered in the worst way that Hoseok had a great fetish to make small cuts to any animal or person that had skin and that glistening blood came out of those wounds, red as hell and as sweet as ambrosia.

A delicacy, truly a true delicacy blessed by God.

Jin could not stop laughing at your overwhelmed face, sometimes he would sit next to you while your body was fucked uncontrollably, watching your face move on the sheets with the constant and hard movements of his friends.

"Do you enjoy it, you dirty bitch?" You knew he was making fun of it, not only because it denigrated your dignity, but also because you couldn't answer correctly and the only thing that moved was your head up and down from the thrusts. As if you were affirming his disgusting words. "You like it right?" And again. "I bet you will enjoy it every day from now on, do you want to marry us, little bitch? Be ours forever, that we fuck you every damn day like that, that we also fill you up that you would get pregnant, you would have our children , and you would gladly. Do you accept _______?"

You did not want to know where he managed to get your last name, nor your full name and less because he thought that after the effect of whatever they had given you, you would really accept being his damned wife.

But he just stands there, watching Jungkook abuse his new power against you and taunt him.

I just wanted to wait for everyone to leave, so I could hug you, heal you, and ask for forgiveness.

He couldn't save you if he was chained to the basement like they threatened to do. He was afraid of his own friends, who looked at him madly when hours before he thought of withdrawing from the plan, Hoseok as charismatic as he always claimed to be able to cut his neck so easily if I took you away from them.

Now, they were doomeds.

The painting lost its color once more.

[no-reply95]

I was scrolling through the Beatles topic on Twitter the other day and came across a tweet from Mark Lewisohn referring to a talk he’d given to the Fab4cast podcast on the Get Back sessions and Spring period of 1969. I assumed that it was a recent talk so I gave it a listen but the talk is actually from 2019.

I tend to find Lewisohn’s podcast interviews to be very interesting. He’s obviously got decades worth of Beatle knowledge stored up so you’re almost guaranteed to learn something new or hear an anecdote that you’ve never heard before but more than the factoids he’s accumulated over the years I find his interpretations of the band extremely telling.

The part of the conversation that really caught my attention was when the podcast hosts brought up the fact that John and Paul’s weddings were really close together and wondered if the two events were connected in any way, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that this probably got the biggest reaction out of Lewisohn, the main points of the exchange are outlined below (time stamp 47:12)

Host: “Well also in this period there are two events, the marriages of John and Paul, within 8 days of each other… I read that John wanted to marry on the 14th, two days after Paul’s wedding but couldn’t do it because of legal issues, how much was his [marriage] a response to Paul’s marriage do you think?”

Lewisohn: “I’ve read that people say that it was but never heard John say that it was so there’s no validity to those claims they’re just people assuming that John didn’t want to be outdone by Paul… that’s the kind of writing that annoys me because it becomes part of the fact and it’s some writer thinking that’s what it probably was… Unless someone out there can find a Lennon quote in which he actually says it in which case I stand corrected and I’ll be very happy to do so”

There’s a lot going on in these quotes so I’m gonna break down my thoughts on this further:

The illusion of John’s honesty

What Lewisohn displays here is something I believe is pretty common within the Beatles’ authorship. I believe in Revolution In The Head Ian McDonald referred to John as “truth” and Paul as “beauty” and I think a lot of writers do tend to assign those attributes consistently to John and Paul. Reading (or listening) to the Lennon Remembers interview now, it’s hard to believe at one stage people took what John was saying as fact and never even questioned whether there were emotions or agenda behind what he was saying, despite the contradictions (“Me and Paul stopped writing together in 1962” vs “Me and Paul worked really closely together on Sgt. Pepper”) and because John was so charismatic and would speak openly in interviews and to people he knew about both the good and bad in his life I think people, and in this case Lewisohn, assume that John told us everything of note that happened in his life, which I don’t think is a realistic expectation of anyone, let alone someone as famous as John. I think it’s problematic to take John’s or anyone else’s words, especially when they’re said in public, as the gospel truth because everyone has an agenda and John was no different. I also think it’s unrealistic to believe that John would ever announce that the reason he and Yoko got married when they did was in any way connected to Paul, that would have sullied the sanctity of “John and Yoko TM”, I mean, how can you be the greatest love story ever if the reason you decided to get married was because your musical partner who you may have unresolved romantic feelings for got married? I don’t think John would publicly embarrass Yoko like that or risk undermining the strength of the brand he was trying to create with his new relationship by admitting that Paul’s marriage spurred them on. That Lewisohn is apparently holding out for a lost interview of John stating that Paul was involved in the timing of his marriage to Yoko just sounds pretty far fetched to me.

The timing of John’s wedding in relation to his and Yoko’s divorces

As discussed in this podcast, Paul and Linda got married (pretty unexpectedly I believe) on 12 March 1969 and John and Yoko got married 8 days later (and apparently they wanted it to be sooner) on 20 March 1969. Aside from the extremely close proximity of John and Paul’s weddings it should be noted that John’s divorce from Cynthia was finalised in November 1968 and Yoko’s from Tony Cox was finalised in January 1969.

So why am I bringing up John and Yoko’s divorces? Because it meant that they were free to marry each other from January 1969, there was no longer a legal issue preventing them and if John’s bursting out in song about it, you would assume that they would have started planning their wedding ASAP… but curiously they didn’t. How do we know John and Yoko weren’t planning a wedding before Paul married Linda? Because once Paul was married John and Yoko started scrambling to get married ASAP, suddenly there was a rush and need to be married that hadn’t existed before, John suddenly wanted to marry Yoko on a ferry but they couldn’t be married there, then John wanted to marry Yoko in Paris but they needed to be resident in Paris for a period of time before they could get married there so eventually they settled on Gibraltar as they could get married there at short notice. Clearly there was a sudden need for John and Yoko to get married that didn’t materialise until around March 1969, am I and countless other people (including Paul himself) crazy for assuming that Paul’s wedding impacted John’s sudden desperate need to be married? If it wasn’t Paul’s wedding, what was it?

Authorial interpretation and assumptions

I’m really fascinated by the visceral reaction Lewisohn had to just the suggestion that the timing of John and Yoko’s wedding was connected to Paul and Linda’s. For Lewisohn to state it annoys him was pretty shocking to me because, given what is publicly known about this period and the lack of any other logical reason for John and Yoko’s wedding to be so close to Paul’s and Linda’s, I don’t think it’s bad writing to point out the proximity and suggest that the timing was more than a coincidence.

Based on his reaction, you would assume that Lewisohn would be set against any form of interpretation where the principal in question hadn’t confirmed that the interpretation was in fact correct but that would be an incorrect assumption to make. Some of you may be aware of the Hornsey Road shows Mark Lewisohn was giving in 2019 around the 50th anniversary of Abbey Road. During these shows Lewisohn played a clip from the, now infamous, 4-4-4-2 meeting tape and gave a presentation on the Abbey Road period in the Beatles’ history. One of the points Lewisohn raised during the show was that during the sessions, after the car accident in Scotland, a bed was brought into the studio for Yoko so she (and sometimes John) could rest while work on the album progressed. According to Lewisohn, one morning they turned up to the studio and someone had removed one of the legs from the bed, leaving it with 3 legs *dramatic pause* which was him heavily hinting that he thought Paul broke Yoko’s bed on purpose and then bragged about it on the Ram album by including a song called 3 legs, I’m not going to go into the validity (or lack thereof) of this claim but I find it very interesting that Lewisohn was annoyed about authors suggesting that the timing of John and Yoko’s wedding was connected to Paul and Linda’s but he seems happy to publicly speculate that Paul was sabotaging Yoko’s bed in the studio based on the title of a song that he would release on Ram two years later and nothing else.

Is there any evidence that connects John’s wedding to Paul’s?

I’ve already outlined the suspiciousness of John and Yoko choosing to get married right after Paul, when they had been free to marry for weeks prior but is there any other evidence that either proves that the weddings were connected or is Lewisohn right to deem that suggestion as lacking in validity?

Interestingly there actually is unverified eyewitness testimony that does connect John and Paul’s weddings (something not mentioned by Lewisohn in this podcast). I believe there’s an anecdote from Les Anthony (John’s chauffeur at the time) about him driving John and Yoko around when news of Paul’s wedding suddenly came across the radio, to which John apparently said to Yoko that “we have to get married now”… I couldn’t track down the exact source for that story (if anyone knows the source please let me know) so I’m not sure how credible that anecdote is but, assuming it is accurate, then that would suggest a correlation between John and Paul’s weddings that Lewisohn is adamant doesn’t exist.

Why does this matter?

I do think that this podcast interview could be indicative of a few future concerns I personally have around the way the Beatles discourse will progress in the future. Firstly, this was only a podcast interview so it’s unlikely that when Lewisohn releases the final book in his trilogy that he’ll discuss the weddings in this manner (I.e. although he’s adamant the timing of John’s wedding had nothing to with Paul he failed to offer any sort of explanation regarding why John and Yoko were rushing to get married when they’d had weeks to prepare a wedding).

It’s a slight worry that Lewisohn seems to believe that John announced every single thing that happened in his life of note, especially concerning Paul and Yoko. If John had told us everything of interest about him, surely his Dakota diaries would be the basis of a Netflix series by now and not locked away in a vault (assuming they haven’t already been destroyed). To me, like several authors before him, Lewisohn seems to be mistaking John’s emotional honesty with factual honesty. It didn’t escape my attention that several clips of the Lennon Remembers interview were inserted into this podcast and Lewisohn quotes extensively from it in Tune In as well. There’s nothing wrong with using Lennon Remembers as a source but if you do use it you should be analysing the veracity of what was said as we know that John was in a torched earth mentality at that time and even he himself has said what he said in that interview wasn’t meant as a timeless manifesto. It’s a shame that given his ability of analyse sources Lewisohn has never (to my knowledge) critically analysed Lennon Remembers, given that other sources have been analysed this makes LR a strange omission.

Finally, Lewisohn does tend to make some good insights and does have the ability to read between the lines (I.e. him noting Paul’s tendency to say “we” when in most cases he means himself) but with John I do think he has a bit of a blindspot. Why Lewisohn is happy to speculate without evidence in some cases (3 legs) but he draws the line at the suggestion that John and Paul’s weddings being connected is anyone’s guess. If Lewisohn can turn his attention to reading between the lines with John and the other Beatles too and connecting the dots then we should get a Beatles biography that finally addresses a lot of the issues we cover on this site. However, if we take the approach of only using John and Yoko’s PR to understand the events that transpired before and after the band broke up then the story hasn’t moved much further than 1970 and given all that we know now I think that would be a huge shame.

[the-cult-of-russo]

No Going Back

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader 

Request : good morning. i wanna request number 8.  “Maybe you should just leave now.” angst/fighting dialogue. to be correct it is for billy russo right?

A/N: yes it's my Billy boy :') he a lil soft in this though but also an asshole lmaooo not gonna lie, this one had me swept up in the emotion. It hit quite close to home and now I'm sad :') 

Warnings: cursing, angst, sadness and heartbreak. Billy fucked up big time lol

Your hands were shaking as you slammed the door to your apartment. Tears stained your cheeks and you kicked your heels off before storming to your bedroom, grabbing a duffel bag and starting to pack his things that he'd left around. Heartbroken didn't even cover it. 

You knew this would happen, it's why you fought against it for so long. But you were stupid and ended falling for his bullshit and now you were a mess. 

You and Billy had been together officially for 7 months. You'd met a year ago at a bar and hit it off, but when he tried to take you home you'd denied him. That apparently piqued his interest even more. He'd always be at the bar every Friday when you went and it was always easy to just be yourself around him. You didn't take him up on his offer and he would offer every time. He never made it a secret that he wanted you. 

But as the months drew on, you both got to know each other more and it became a sort of friendship. You had to admit you felt something when you looked forward to seeing him. He'd asked you once why you were so against it and you'd been pretty blunt with him. You knew of his reputation and you weren't into it. You didn't do one night stands or casual sex. You wanted a relationship, someone to settle down with. You wanted something real. You told him you didn't think he was capable of that and he'd break your heart. 

Five months into knowing each other and he'd switched from just wanting to fuck you to wanting to actually date you and you'd still put up a fight. But as your feelings for him grew, he wore you down. The moment you agreed to that date, which he'd been over the moon about, everything changed. 

It had been so easy to be with him. He treated you like a queen, was more affectionate than you'd have thought, and you enjoyed each other's company. He was busy with Anvil a lot so you didn't see him every day but he'd call if he couldn't see you or send you sweet texts. He swore to you up and down that he'd never hurt you, never do what you'd thought he would do when you turned him down all those times. 

You'd see the looks women gave him when you went out together or were at an event as his date and sometimes you'd feel insecure. But he only had eyes for you it seemed and it reassured you. It lulled you into a false sense of security that he'd actually changed. That he actually cared about you. 

But you were wrong. So very fucking wrong and now you were paying for it. You'd been having dinner with a friend you hadn't seen in a while when it happened. Your eyes finding Billy across the restaurant. He was sat with a pretty blonde, very up close and intimate as they whispered god knows what to each other. You'd felt your heart crack but tried to deny it. It was just flirting, nothing more. But then… he'd leaned in and kissed her. 

You'd shot out of your seat so fast the chair fell over and ran out of the place like someone had lit a fire up your ass. And you knew he'd seen you because you heard him shouting your name as you jumped into a cab and left. 

You hated yourself for being surprised at what he'd done. You'd told him this was exactly how it would go but he'd swore to you. And you allowed yourself to buy into his bullshit because you loved him. 

Most of his things packed, you padded over to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine, pouring a large glass. You swigged it in one and felt the warmth bloom in your chest. It did little to ease the hopeless sorrow that consumed you though. 

There was a rough knock at your door and you heard Billy call your name loudly. You tensed, heart breaking all over again as the tears seemed to be never ending. You didn't want to talk to him, to even look at him. But this was it. You couldn't stay with him, not now. You'd never be able to trust him again. You knew you had to tell him it was done so you could lick your wounds and heal from the pain. 

"Y/N, please… open the door," Billy begged from the other side. You walked over, unlocking it but not opening it as you stormed back off to your bedroom. You knew he'd let himself in. You heard his heavy footsteps entering as you shoved another of his shirts in the bag, one you liked to sleep with.

"Can we talk?" He asked hesitantly. 

"No," you bit out, eyes snapping to him. His face fell when he saw you crying and he took a tentative step into the room.

"Please, Y/N, let me explain," he frowned. You laughed but it held no joy. Only a deep rooted pain that was latched onto your soul. 

"Explain? Really? What, you gonna say you tripped and your mouth landed on hers?! I saw it with my own eyes, Billy! You don't need to explain anything!" You roared, pure pain lacing your words.

He clenched his jaw as he shook his head, eyes glassy as he stared at you. 

"I'm-I'm sorry," he started softly,  reaching out to grab your arm but you smacked it away harshly. He looked like a kicked puppy and you hated it. He didn't get to be upset about this. 

"How long have you been fucking her then?" You asked snidely as you grabbed the duffel bag, holding it in a death grip. 

"I haven't fucked her," he muttered quietly. You snorted deprecatingly and he bit down on his lower lip.

"Yet?" You asked knowingly. His guilty glance to the floor told you everything you needed to know. 

"How long, Billy? How long have you been cheating on me?" You asked, your voice wavered but your gaze had nothing but fire in it and he shifted where he stood. He couldn't look at you. 

"A month. It was always one night, I never went back to someone," he frowned. Pain clawed its way through your chest and you threw the bag at him hard. He caught it but stumbled a little and he looked at you forlornly. 

"Well, I guess that makes it better then, right?" You asked coldly and he flinched. 

You stormed past him back to the kitchen area and he followed quickly. 

"Please listen to me, Y/N. I need to make this right," he pleaded desperately. You whirled around to face him, face flushed and tear stained and you felt like you wanted to scream. 

"Why? Why did you just decide after 6 months together to do this to me? You promised me, Billy! I knew this would happen but you fought for this! For us! Why?! Just so you could break my heart?!" You bellowed, a mix of anger and utter despair in your tone. 

His lower lip quivered and he bit down on it, staring at the floor.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I swear, I didn't. I just…" his voice cracked as his teary eyes landed on you. 

"Maybe you should just leave now," you uttered. Your whole body was trembling and you felt sick. You couldn't stand to look at him. He stepped closer to you, dropping the bag on the floor but you took a step back. It would be far too easy to fall for his bullshit again and if he touched you, you didn't think you'd be able to get him to leave. 

It felt like pure pain ripped through your chest, the weight of the world crashing down around you. You slumped onto a dining chair as a raw sob clawed its way out. Billy was kneeling in front of you in seconds, his own cheeks now damp as he cupped your cheeks. You moved your head from his grip and shook your head. 

"I loved you, you know that?" You whispered brokenly though your tears. You'd never outright said it, mostly in fear of his reaction. But it had all gone to shit anyway. His lip trembled again, scrunching his nose up a little as he shook his head. He looked utterly devastated and it made you angry so you continued.

"I loved you with everything I had. I trusted you with my life. I ripped out my own beating heart and willingly gave it to you because you swore to me you wouldn't do this. You just took it and stomped all over it. How could you do this to me?" Your last words were strained as the tears flowed freely.

"Please let me fix this," he begged helplessly. He was crying openly now, not trying to hide it as he gazed at you from the floor. 

"You can't fix it. I'll never be able to trust you again. It's not just the sex, Billy! You've been lying to me for a month. All those business meetings or times you were away? And you just… you'd come back to me with a smile and tell me sweet words. Looked me in the fucking eye and not feel guilty," you choked out. He shook his head vigorously, hands clasping yours so tight you couldn't pull them away.

"You've got no idea how guilty I felt. It's been eatin' me up from the inside out," he lamented.

"Why would you…? What was it? You just got bored of me? Decided you didn't want me anymore? You should have just ended this because it would hurt less than this," you wept pitifully. He shook his head, clutching your hands tighter.

"Don't… Don't say that, I do want you. I know I don't deserve you, I know I'm an asshole. And… and maybe I shoulda left it alone when you told me this would happen, but I was selfish and I-I couldn't. You were never like the others. I knew that from the moment we met. But then… then things were gettin' serious and I just… I freaked out and went back to my default 'cause I didn't know how to…'' he cried, screwing his face up as he hung his head. 

You sobbed as you stood, his hands falling away and you moved to lean against the table as he stood. 

"It would be bad enough if I'd just got with you in the first place and you did this. But I wanted to avoid this. I tried so hard but you kept on at it. And it hurts so much more because you promised me you wouldn't do this and I believed you. I thought you'd changed, that you…" you ran a hand through your hair, tugging on it as the tears wouldn't stop.

He stepped to you, grasping your face in both hands and you couldn't bring yourself to fight it despite the pain it brought you. His endless eyes were all consuming, his cheeks wet from his own tears.

"Please… please, Y/N, don't do this. Let me make it right," he begged tearfully. 

"Without trust, we have nothing. Everytime you're on your phone I'd wonder if you were talking to another woman. When you're out I'd be paranoid about who you were with. I can't live like that, Billy. I can't live my life in… in an anxious, jealous haze. That's not a relationship," you whispered. 

He made a pained noise and it squeezed your heart so hard you thought it might implode. 

"I was never good enough for you. I knew that. But I wanted… I wanted to try and be-be a good man… for you. And I fucked up so bad and I just…" his words trailed off into a hopeless sob and you squeezed your eyes shut. You wished there was a way to fix this but there wasn't. You wouldn't be in one of those relationships without trust. Checking your partner's phone and always checking in. It would break you.

"You need to leave, Billy," your words were a mere breath and his hands on your face tightened for a moment before they fell to his sides. He looked completely broken and you were sure you looked the same. He opened his mouth before promptly closing it, his jaw ticking as he moved away and pushed the heels of his palms to his eyes. 

You wrapped your arms around yourself like it would protect you from the pain and glared at the floor. You could still feel his gaze burning into you. You glanced at him as he grabbed the bag and slung it over his shoulder. You had to fight the urge to grab onto him as he walked to your door. You felt like you were dying. 

He grabbed the handle but stopped, not looking at you as his body tensed.

"I want you to know… I love you too," his pained words felt like a punch to the gut and you covered your mouth with a hand but it did little to stop the noise that left your lips. He looked over his shoulder at you, still holding the door handle.

"I know that… right now you probably don't believe me, but I do. And I'm sorry. I-I never wanted you to get hurt. You deserve so much better," he muttered despondently. With that, he opened the door and slipped out of your apartment. Of your life. 

You fell to the floor as heaving sobs left your chest. It would have been easier if he came here being an asshole. Cold and emotionless like you knew he could be at times. But seeing him, his emotions so raw and on display, it cut you deeper than any knife could. And you believed him. You knew him well enough to believe that he fell in love with you and freaked out. You knew it would happen which is why you'd turned him down at the start. You believed he never wanted to hurt you. And you wished you could forgive him. You saw how much it hurt him too but you couldn't. You couldn't get over the betrayal and you didn't think you ever could. 

He'd sabotaged what you both had because of his inability to deal with what he felt and the bitter knowledge that if he'd just accepted it, how different your future would be with him, it left a sour taste in your mouth. Billy had opened up to you a lot in your time together about his past and you knew how much it had messed him up. You knew it left him struggling with emotions and relationships and you felt for him. For the lost boy who'd never felt love and didn't know how to cope with it. But nothing could erase the heartbreak. The hurt that he'd given you. Because even if you'd one day be able to forgive him, you'd never be able to forget.

[yaboylevi]

Shingeki no Kyojin's Ending Interview (May 2021)

Translation commissioned by @goldsword07​, DO NOT REPOST in full, always include credits and a link to this post if you use or share any parts of it.

Question: Congratulations on completing Shingeki no Kyojin’s serialization! How do you feel now that you have finished writing the final chapter?

Isayama: There’s still some work left to do when it comes to putting together the final manga volume*, so I don’t actually know how a “life without deadlines" feels like yet (laughs), but by publishing the final chapter, I feel like I can finally breathe again. However, there are still several things that need to be done.

(*Translator’s note: usually, putting together a volume includes: fixing drawing mistakes, sometimes even redrawing certain scenes if the author wasn’t satisfied with how they looked/their composition, fixing text (both wording or simply changing the Japanese characters used), drawing omake/extra pages, like the High School Caste fake previews, which usually take up 2 pages, and so on. So, of the 8 extra pages he mentions below, probably only 6 at max will be used to add new original story content.)

Q: What?! What else is there to be done?

Isayama: At first, the draft for the last page of the chapter was neatly divided into 5 panels, but I was feeling quite indecisive about it. At the time, that last page was a scene of 3 people running towards a tree on a hill. After having a meeting about that with Bakku-san and my other editors, I decided on a last-minute change, and I turned it into the one that is now published in Bessatsu Shonen Magazine. The limit for each printed chapter in Bessatsu Magazine was 51 pages, but since up to 8 extra pages can be added in manga volumes, I want to finish up everything that I couldn’t draw in the printed magazine and add it in the final manga volume.

Q: As for the serialization, which spanned 11 years and a half, have there been any changes about the way you think about mangas?

Isayama: Up until recently, I had drawn as if sexism wasn’t a thing, but when drawing the Marleyan military, which was comparatively more modern, if I had added, with no explanation whatsoever, female soldiers like I did for Paradis Island, it could’ve given the impression that Marley was quite a developed nation. It would’ve felt out of place. That’s why, as long as I was drawing a story set in an era of the past, I couldn’t draw female characters as part of the top brass of the military, because it would’ve meant acting as if there was no actual history of gender discrimination at the time.

It might be a story set in a fictitious world, but if you don’t connect it in some ways to the real world, it could end up becoming a story people cannot relate to.

Q: The unraveling of events that led to the final chapter has been quite shocking. Especially when it comes to Eren…

Isayama: I have been frenetically checking any and all reactions to that. There are as many honest opinions as there are people, and they’re all correct. With how I portrayed that part, it’s not so strange that it was interpreted as if Armin accepted the massacre. My portrayal was lacking. Armin didn’t approve of the despicable measures taken by Eren, but he ended up benefiting from the mass slaughter, regardless of his intentions. Armin, who couldn’t possibly understand Eren, faced their last farewell with a firm “Thank you for becoming a mass murderer for us”, essentially conveying how he himself was also an accomplice. He wanted to feel closer to Eren, even if just a little. I realized the final stage in particular had too difficult themes, and my portrayal was inadequate. I deeply regret that I wasn’t able to fully express them in the manga proper.

I’ve been drawing this manga for 11 years and a half, and when I completed the manuscript I truly believed that “everyone will be happy with this”. I was conceited. I apologize to those who have supported me until the end but have felt let down by the ending.

Q: During these 11 years and a half of serialization, have there been any memorable events?

Isayama: I’m happy that I could deepen the relationship with my assistants, as “manga friends”. When the serialization started, everyone was in their twenties, but now some of them are married and have even become parents, and we have become close family friends.

Q: Was the manga becoming an anime a memorable moment, too?

Isayama: The anime adaptation can certainly be considered another part of Shingeki no Kyojin. Lots of people got to know this story through watching the anime. Personally, it was refreshing for me too, as I could experience the story anew. In addition to that, the characters were taken out of my hands - in a good way - by the directors and voice actors, they began moving as independent “existences”. It was a first and interesting experience.

Q: Do you have a favorite scene?

Isayama: As far as drawings go, the scene I like the most is the one in chapter 104, “Victors”, when the Jaw Titan claws at the Attack Titan. Besides the fact that I feel like I can’t draw anything better than that, there also haven’t been that many action scenes with titans after chapter 104.

Q: Well then, what about your best chapter?

Isayama: One of them is chapter 71, “Bystander”. I feel like that chapter exceeded my abilities at the time. I like the way it doesn’t feel like “Shingeki no Kyojin”, as the spotlight was on the life of a single character who isn’t involved with the original story.

Q: Chapter 69, “Friends”, also depicts some characters’ personal life.

Isayama: I like that chapter, too! At the time of drawing its draft, I flattered myself with words such as “Uh? Aren’t I so mature?!”. Normally, I would draw the main story’s continuation, but in chapters 69 and 71’s case, it felt like I was drawing stories that were complete on their own.

Q: With the start of the Marley arc in chapter 91, “The other side of the ocean”, both titans and modern times’ weapons made an appearance in battle.

Isayama: That battle scene was the time I had the most fun while drawing mangas, I was in a state of total concentration and full energy.

Q: How has Shingeki no Kyojin been for you?

Isayama: It’s as if youth has come a bit late, a third of my life has been packed into this work. …Of course, there have been hard times, too, but it’s been a chapter of my life that normally you wouldn’t be able to experience and even now I struggle to think it was real. Although I’ve been spoiled by my readers, I had planned to draw all the while accepting even harsh opinions.

Q: Finally, a message to the readers, please!

Isayama: Through Shingeki no Kyojin, I could connect with an unfathomable number of people. I’ve been happy to share this time of my life with my readers, which is something that, if I had had a normal life, I would have never experienced.

Also, now that the serialization is over, I have been freed, so I want to stroll around a small city with a can of One Cup sake in one hand. That’s what I would call freedom.