#or if it's still possible to work on a phobia without knowing why one has it

[absensia]

Some quick notes on Char's fear of lakes (limnophobia) which is, more often than not, compounded by her fear of drowning:

Her fear is specific to lakes. While rivers and the ocean do make her uneasy and she will avoid them if at all possible, these other bodies of water do not provoke the same intense fear response in her.

To this day, Char still does not know why she is afraid of lakes and from where her fear of drowning developed to such a great measure. This aspect of her unknowing plays crucially into the narrative that Charlotte is, in some ways, the ghost of Caroline Eld formed and made corporeal by the hand of the primordial Khaos. It is a reading that shines a light on the mechanism of repression following massive trauma and the impact of trauma as well as grief on memory.

To compensate for her unknowing/lack of memory, Char has, over the years, come up with several different explanations, some of which she only ever offered to people as one-time answers if only to move past their questions about her phobias. It no longer bothers as much that she doesn't know the origin of fears and will not become overtly distressed if someone presses her on the matter; however, this does not mean she is happy to discuss this topic at length. It is one of the few topics where Char will eventually put her foot down, and state outright that this is not something she wants to talk about, perhaps chalking it up to annoyance, an invasion of her privacy, and that she may be wanting to keep some deeper and more profound childhood trauma under wraps. Of course, we know there is no such secret.

Will not board a boat unless she absolutely has to. Would outright refuse to do so if she had more power to say "no," but given the nature of her work, she often is not in a position to refuse. In these cases, she will try and insist that the boat remain docked. If that isn't an option, then she will be doing everything she can to one, remain conscious and two, make sure that they will dock as soon as possible.

She still cannot swim properly. Worsened by the panic that consumes when she is in water, Char becomes quickly disorientated when in water and loses sense of where her limbs are in relation to each other. The fear often blinds her and she becomes lost to visions of the abyssal waters of the void, and the nightmares she often has tied to/orchestrated by it. She may attempt to tread water long enough to keep her head above the water until someone can get her out, but she doesn't know how to tread properly and has never had enough practice to get better at it. Unless she is already near the edge of the water or the shallows, Char will need someone to help her out.

While Char may seem to be making strides with these phobias in terms of working to stay calm when faced with a triggering situation, the nature of her fear parallels that of the order of entropy. That is, while Char has come to manage her fear for a short time when faced with a triggering situation and when she knows that there will be an eventual end to it, her forced calmness will unravel the longer she remains exposed to the stimulus. This is because she holds an inherent belief that the longer a risk is extended the higher chance it will become a reality.

[thedazzlesun]

Balalaika x Fem!Reader

(1.5k+ Word Count) (Suggestive material, some swearing)

Note: Reader has gun trauma/phobia

You hear the clinking of familiar metal. You freeze up, quickly trying to get yourself to brush it off. You were surrounded by drinks and idle chatter; it had to be an unfortunate mixture of sounds that you heard. She looks at you in confusion, eyes contemplating whether or not to worry. She shifts and you hear it again, softer. She has a--

You immediately swallow rising puke in your throat. It had to be a mistake. There was no possible way you could hear a soundless gun in the middle of a nightclub. Even if her scars screamed battle, even if she’s still with the military, there’s no way she’d have a gun.

She opens her mouth to offer to get some water, since you’re turning pale and starting to shake but you break yourself out of whatever trance you were in before she can speak. 

“Can I get you anything? You haven’t gotten a drink since you came in.” 

She had introduced herself as a military captain on special orders, and she was looking for someone who liked coming to this particular bar. 

She shook her head.

“Ah, no, thank you. I’d much rather you stay here. My target fancies pretty girls like you, and I don’t want to jeopardize you in case he’s already here.”

She drums her fingers on the table. The acrylic nails sound softly comforting. 

“Right, yeah, I’m helpless and defenseless…”

“No, that’s not what I imp-“

“Don’t sugarcoat it. I’ve heard plenty of it working here.” 

She looked pleasantly surprised at your bitterness. 

“I see.”

“…are you sure I can’t get you anything, miss….”

“Call me Balalaika.”

“I hope that's a codename.” 

She smiled, and it looked genuine amidst the atmosphere.

“Why’s a pretty girl like you working at a place like this?”

“Well, uhm, money. They pay me better here because I’m young and pretty.”

“Does it compensate for how you’re treated?” 

“It… it’s better than my other job.”

She doesn’t pry. Her fingers keep tapping away on the table. Your eyes keep wandering to them, getting in a small trance as you watch. 

Without a new conversation you look around awkwardly, wanting to get away. Not really, you liked where you were. This strange woman gave you a strange sense of comfort. However, your boss wouldn’t be too happy to find that you’ve been with a new customer since you started your shift…

Speaking of the devil, you see him coming out of the back room. He comes over to you after meeting your eyes.

He slings an arm behind you, his grip going to your shoulder.

“What are you doing all the way back here? The party’s in the front.”

“Ah- Well-”

“Is this your boss?”

The two meet eyes, and she smiles dryly. 

His grip tightens and he eyes you sharply. A small sign of ‘look at the trouble you’ve made, I'll punish you later.’

“Why, yes. I’m the owner of this place. Would you like a drink? I’ll send my girl here to fetch you one right away-”

“She’s staying.”

Her fingers stop drumming on the table.

He blinks, taken aback. No one ever spoke back to him.

“Sorry?”

“I said she’s staying here with me. Have you been here so long the moans and music made you fucking deaf?”

Whoever this woman was, you loved her. 

Your boss began to speak, probably of his authority or something. But then she stood up.

And took a gun out to point at him.

You jolt.

As if on cue, you hear more guns at the ready around you. In barely lit parts of the room, a few soldiers stand with guns pointed at the man with an arm around you.

Right. Military captain…

“Let’s not act like you don’t know who I am.”

Realizing, your boss clicks his tongue and lets you go to storm off.

The guns are back to being holstered.

But the sound is still in your head.

How fast the things were pulled out, almost as fast as pulling the trigger.

Military captain.

She has a gun.

“You have a gun.”

Balalaika sits back down and looks over you.

“Are you scared?” She sounds almost amused, but not in some derogatory way. In an interested way.

You don’t answer and instead pull over a chair to take a seat in front of her. 

Most people laughed when you jolted at the sound of a gun.

Her eyes narrow at you, intrigued by something. 

You force yourself not to stare as she starts drumming her fingers again.

I want them inside me.

You jolt, surprised at your own thoughts.

Balalaika raises an eyebrow at your sudden movement.

“Something wrong?”

“Ah- no, it’s…”

You swallow, forcing yourself to relax. And you must’ve had blush on your face because she stares a bit longer and smirks. Her fingers tap a few times more, almost on purpose. 

And then she’s back to scanning the crowd like she wasn’t able to just enter your head for a moment. Or maybe you’re just that bad at hiding your thoughts.

Her hands soon began to idle again. 

You unconsciously bite your lip as you watch, letting the lewd thoughts slip through. She couldn’t read your thoughts. 

She can.

A sly smile comes across her lips and her eyes narrow. She wasn’t scanning the crowd at all. She was waiting for you to let your defenses slip. 

Your teeth unhook your lip, a slight gasp coming through your lips as well as blush lining your face. 

“Are you sure you’re alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

The soft laugh in her voice. Her fingers tapping in sync with your pulse. Those unreadable eyes consuming you…

“Y-Yeah. I’m fine. I- I’m going to go to the bathroom.” 

“I’ll go with you.”

When she gets up the chair scratches the floor, and you hear the entire world go quiet. You can see the breath held in her throat. The small flame in her eyes. 

You wanted to get away, to take a moment to breathe.

Was she trying to stay by your side to protect you? Or to have you to herself? 

You brush some hair behind your ear. 

“I… Thanks. If you’re worried about me, I’ll wait. I appreciate you--”

The soft tap of her heels on the floor shuts you up. 

She’s closing in on you, heels impossible louder than everything else.

Pink nails reach out to caress your cheek. Her thumb brushes over the corner of your lip. 

Balalaika smiles.

“Oh no, I’m not worried. Not anymore.”

Her other fingers tap in unison on your skin, and you know she can feel the shiver you get from the movement.

You turn away, suddenly blushing more at remembering she has soldiers here. Probably watching her for a signal. Watching you. 

You swallow, the saliva catching in your throat when she leans closer. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Kiss her.

Make her feel how hot you are.

Breathe.

Tell her you want her fingers inside you.

Breathe-

The majority of things you wanted to say were beyond dirty, and you were afraid to death that saying one of them would make her see you as a whore. Nothing but a desperate slut, lonely and needy for attention. Wanting someone to put you in your place.

She leans in closer when you don’t answer, bangs fluttering your face and eyes piercing into your very soul. 

Her hand is on your waist.

You gasp.

You see stars, your life flashing in slow motion as she’s so quick to capture your open mouth and steal your breath-

The contact never happens.

Balalaika pulls away instead, face serious and eyes scanning behind you. Her hand on your waist tightens, ready to pull you towards her if anything happens. 

You breathe hard, caught in a daze.

“M-Miss?”

“He’s here.”

Disoriented, you turn around. You can’t see a thing. The strobing lights dance across your vision like galaxies, and the people are nothing but darker blobs.

You rub your temple, trying to take a step away from how close she was.

“I- I need some water.”

Her grip tightens and her other hand catches your arm.

“Stay.”

You want to but you really feel like you can collapse any second.

She apparently gives some signal, because a minute later a soldier’s handing you a glass.

Still dizzy, you watch him almost immediately disappear back into the shadows.

There’s a sound of hard leather boots coming close.

You choke on a sip of water, almost spitting it out.

“He—“

Your vision starting to clear with the drink, you look around frantically.

You know you heard it. You knew it had to be who she was looking for. 

Her eyes scan your face as you look back to her. There’s confusion and something of intrigue in her eyes. 

You close your eyes, trying to focus year ears among the sounds. Nothing was there.

“N-Nevermind. I thought I heard leather boots.”

She raises an eyebrow.

“You can hear that well in here?”

You bite you lip and stammer, brushing it off as 'the music dying down at the right time'. You had always had sharper hearing than most, and she would think you insane if you told her.

You excuse yourself as you see a familiar patron waving at you. They were only a few tables over, and she would still have a view of you.

"I'll only be a moment. Still have to do my job you know, or at least look like I'm doing it."

Balalaika smiles and presses a paper into your hands.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I've gotten what I came here for."

You wonder what she meant, since all she's been doing is chatting with you and scanning the crowd. Perhaps a soldier found something.

She leans in close to your ear.

"Call me if you find yourself in trouble. I appreciate your company tonight, and if you need anything from me I'll always answer for you."

You're immediately caught in confusion, but she's already walking away before you can ask anything. Soon the tap of her heels are lost to the atmosphere.

The patron waving at you calls your name. Suddenly out of your trance, you give a smile and walk towards them.

[shall-we-die]

╔‌‌‌‌•°🩸༄•°══════════•⊰•°༄༚

{Knock knock...

it's Period time~}

In the middle of the night, they wake up by the smell of blood and realize that your period has started.

╞•⊰❖⊱•═══•༻🚫༺•═══•⊰❖⊱•╡

↬[Fandom]•⊰ {Jujutsu Kaisen}࿐

↬[Characters]•⊰↴

{Gojo Satoru || Megumi Fushiguro}࿐

↬[Warnings]•⊰ {mention of blood (a little)}࿐

☰[Main list]•⊰────┈┈{0006}┈─╮

╭───────┈┈┈┈┈┈───────╯

╰┈➤Likes/Reblogs are appreciated࿐

╚•°🩸༄•°══════════•⊰•°༄༚‌‌‌

• Trust me, even the strongest Jujutsu Sorcerer would have panic over the sudden sight of blood.

• When he opens his eyes and looks around, seeing the blood, he can't think deeply enough to realize that it might be because of your period... (sleepy people's IQ are surely low)

• (He secretly has a phobia of seeing his loved ones bleed)

• He quickly sits on the bed and tries to wake you up.

• When you finally wake up, you realize the mess you've made and run to the bathroom.

• He'll sit behind the door, brings you anything you need if you call his name.

• (As you know how he sits... the legs are wide open. he's a jerk in public transportations)

• Of course, it's not like he's acting too dramatic, because his face is completely normal, he's still sleepy, but he puts his hand on his heart and takes a deep breath to relieve his stress.

• Maybe if you told him that you are on your period on a normal day, he would try to help you with a smiley face. But you don't know what happens in his dreams (nightmares)

• So... seeing the blood stains on the white sheets, it makes his face more serious and colder than ever.

• When he's sure you don't need help, he gets up and walks over to the bed to change the bloody sheets.

• He will help you without talking too much until you get back to bed.

• He very seriously and quietly gives you painkillers and brings you some extra pillows or food you like.

• You, who are surely writhing in pain, think that because he's still sleepy, he doesn't feel like talking.

• As you lay together on the bed, he hugs you tightly from behind and rubs his head against your neck while caressing your stomach.

• Surely this period of yours will be a bad memory for him.

• This boy knows that women experience something called period.

• But surely we all know that he has never seen this with his own eyes, and he certainly wasn't curious enough to want to know what was going on...

• I must say that if your first period starts like this after starting a relationship with him, it will be the most unforgettable memory of his life. (In a bad way for sure...)

• The smell of blood? Well, it's a good reason for a guy who's sleeping next to you (for the first time in his life) to quickly open his eyes and sit up.

• Because he couldn't sleep at all, he's not so sleepy and confused that he doesn't understand what's going on. So he slowly wakes you up.

• Are you stressed? Do you feel bad because you've made a mess on his sheets? There's no problem at all.

• He tries to express his affection and tells you that it doesn't matter as he gently wraps his arms around your waist.

• Do you need pads? Well, before you ask him to go and buy some pads for you, it's better to tell him to search the name of sanitary pads on the internet for once...

• Are your feet numb and in severe pain? Are your hands shaking and restless? Well, he starts massaging your legs, hands and back.

• He asks you whether it's better to go to the hospital. And you, who see his pure confused face, have to explain to him why a "monthly painful seven-day" it's not that important to makes you go to the hospital...

• He still doesn't want to know too much about it, but he has to. Because he can't tell you that your nags about it will only make him more stressed.

• He will certainly help you more in doing daily life works, he'll not allow you to walk a lot or carry heavy things.

• And (maybe) he has to hug you to sleep.

• The scariest possible scenario for him during your periods? Certainly when you suddenly burst  in to tears...

• He might have to call Nobara and ask her how to calm you down.

[pruneunfair]

"My feelings on" part 5. How to get my husband on my side and how it properly tackles abuse, eating disorders, and relationships.

Another super popular manhwa that I can understand why it's so beloved. The Borgias were actual people in history that inspired characters like the protagonist Ruby, and the title itself already feels different since the world of OI is all about being a perfect badass woman, funnily enough, HTGMHOMS does this better than most.

Rudbeckia/Ruby starts off with the behavior of the og fls that a lot of OI make fun of. She is surrounded by what appears to be loving family members and is already being prepped to be married of to Izek, she looks excited and ready to do whatever her family wants until her inner monolog reveals how she really feels about them especially her older brother Cezar. She hates almost all of them and her real reason for being excited for marriage is so she can get away from her abusive household and avoid death which shouldn't be hard since the transmigrator doesn't plan on poisoning her sister in law like og Ruby did. She's a master of hiding her feelings already which is attributed to her past life in a similarly abusive adoptive household.

Right off bat, Ruby is shown to be strong in the mental sense. Not only is she walking on eggshells she also suffers from an ED (likely bulimia), there a quite a few scenes where she's throwing up, refusing to eat a lot, or in later chapters, eating a lot more out of stress. Her family too is whole new level of psychological horror. They aren't cartoonist evil, for example Pope Borgia is usually kind to his daughter and treats her with respect until he feels like she's defying him, all of a sudden that kind caring nature is gone, then he becomes threatening, or her older brother Cezar who has been abusing her for years both physically and sexually, he keeps her in place through fear, intimidation, and attacking her on occasion which is only enhanced after he kills Rubys bird and feeds it to his turtle which gives Ruby a phobia of turtles. It's actually heartbreaking with how eerily realistic it is when these types of people are easily placed like normal family members in certain scenes, because that's often how abusive family members blend in, almost no one knows what they are really like and if you looked at a first glance without context, you'd think "Ah yes, that's just a brother next to his siblings." They're never truly gone, they just know how to hide their true colors so well.

This is why Ruby is so much stronger than a lot of people give her credit for, she's dealing with all of this at the same time and her only hope of respite is being as far as possible from her home country. It's easy to jump to the conclusion that Ruby is just a weak stereotypical protagonist everytime you see her pretend to fawn over Izeks presence but if you read further, you'd know that Ruby doesn't like it any better but she thinks she's doing what's right to avoid Izeks Wrath since she's the only one who knows what he is the one who kills the og Ruby in the novel.

Speaking of which, while Izek isn't my favorite ML ever, I still was shocked to find that I liked the typical cold nobleman persona on him. Unlike a lot of ML's Izek is allowed to be flawed and his negative traits and moments aren't brushed aside, they cause some issues like Ruby going out of her way to appear dainty and sweet so Izek won't kill her. He acknowledges how he has hurt her and grows from it and doesn't push her boundaries. It's possible for the cold Duke archetype to work but a lot of the time, the whole war hero past gets thrown to the side for baseless fan service or they're just unapologetically abusive. Izek however is in the in between. His cold and dangerous persona stays consistent but that doesn't make him one note and he gets to have geninue moments of care for those in his life rendering Izek to still be likeable.

Ive noticed that the narrative also makes sense instead of twisting itself for a stupid chance at a fan service plot. An example is Ellen and Freya.

An unfortunate sideffects from the fandom was on and off hatred of Ellen for considering what Freya had to say, taking her side or not even choosing a side at all. The readers know that Freya tried to get Ruby killed by tricking her into going into a monster infested forest or when she tried to frame Ruby for poisoning her, but does Ellen know that? Realistically she's not going to immediately turn her back on Freya since they were childhood friends along eith Izek but that doesn't mean she screams at Ruby either. Ellen does care about Ruby but she knew Freya longer than she knew Ruby. From her perspective, it' makes sense that Freya would be innocent.

But perhaps the best part about Ellen that makes her my favorite character is how she notices the little details on others. She's the first to find out that Ruby has an eating disorder and it's not out of nowhere either, Ellen and Izeks late mother also suffered from a eating disorder that Ellen witnessed more than once so it gives an explanation on how she can tell what Ruby is going through.

Side characters are treated just as well as the main cast too. From the other guards to the friendly monsters to minor antagonist and even the children are all given attention to be their own beings, it doesn't have to be a lot since most of what I mentioned are minor characters but then you got characters like Ivan who has a life outside of just being by Izeks side.

Out of all the side characters I gotta say the monsters are my favorites. It makes me wish there was a side story where Ruby successfully runs away forever and lives as a little witch with monster companions.

Of course like all media, HTGMHOMS has its flaws but I think I'll chill on this one since the flaws aren't large enough to ruin it and I want to stay positive on something I like for once.

Conclusion: This is a story that does such an amazing job with its commentary. Instead of just saying "Cezar abused Ruby in the past! Feel bad for her now!" For example, we are given actual flashbacks to respect the show don't tell rule. Other characters besides Ruby suffer from their own traumas and they get their own arcs on their hardships and how they recover from it, it handles eating disorders and trauma responses in a respectful way that has an actual effect on the plot. Most of all, it does all of this with the type of protagonist that has been deemed as "weak" before in the manhwa community. Ruby isn't a boss girl who is always successful and smart. She makes reckless decisions, she cries, she isn't always able to one-up her enemies like Freya. She's a human woman stuck in a world that's not her own but she still rises to the task at hand even with all her blunders. Ironically making her more feminist then many of the female leads before her.

[asexual-society]

This might be a stupid question but what exactly is "internalised gay-/bi-/ace- etc. phobia"? Is it only called that if I'm ace and wish I wasn't for example? Or is it also internalised phobia if someone claims to be accepting of a sexuality but secretly isn't?

And how do I know if I have internalised phobia and how do I get over that? I'm aroace and I'm fine with the ace part but the aro part troubles me sometimes. I can't help but see it as a huge personal loss. I know about qprs but I want the romance, I want the feeling and I'm not capable of it. And that bothers me. And yes, it makes me feel broken.

So. We live in a society. Most of us live in a society that is misogynistic, that is racist, that is homophobic, that is ableist, etc. Everyone who lives in a society like this will spend their life internalising these messages, so even if they are a part of one of these groups, they may still hold bigoted views towards other people of their same group (or towards themselves). I'm going to explain to the best of my understanding but people are free to correct any mistakes I might have made.

A common example of internalised homophobia might be if a gay man is distrustful of other gay people who are especially over the top in expressing their queerness, or has a dislike for effeminate gay men, or a lesbian who thinks gender nonconforming or butch lesbians are ugly. Internalised -phobias and -isms can also be self-directed having been enforced for many years by others, such as a woman who shaves her whole body because she views having body hair as being "unhygenic" for women, or a woman who genuinely believes that she, and all women, are less intelligent and more emotional than men.

A person with internalised acephobia may have learnt from society that being a virgin or not having sex, or specifically being asexual, is weird or embarrassing or cringe, and feel the need to have sex just so as not to be one of "those people".

Crucially in order for some form of bigotry to be called "internalised", the person has to be a member of that group, so if an Asian person is racist towards a black person, that isn't internalised racism, it's just regular racism (or specifically anti-black racism). If an alloromantic asexual person says something like "I'm ace but don't worry, I can still feel love", that's not internalised arophobia, it's just regular arophobia (but it might also play into internalised aphobia if they feel that the only way they can deal with their asexuality is to throw themself as hard into their romantic endeavours as possible).

Lots of aromantic people struggle with the effects of amatonormativity, and feeling that their life will be incomplete without romance, or that they're missing out on a fundamental human experience (this is not true, you can live a happy and fulfilled life without romance or any form of relationship). You could be what's known as Cupioromantic, which is a label under the aro umbrella that describes aro people who enjoy being in romantic relationships and seek them out, but it's important to understand the distinction between wanting to be in a romantic relationship because you enjoy it, and wanting to be in a romantic relationship because you feel like you won't be happy any other way.

Unfortunately (if you see it that way), wanting not to be aro will not make you magically allo. Wanting to be another sexuality has never been able to turn someone into that other sexuality, that's why conversion therapy doesn't work. You have to find a way to live with it, and there's no surefire way to accept your orientation, but having other friends who share your orientation can be one of the best ways to feel less broken and less alone. Personally, I like to write about aro characters who are like me, mostly because they don't really exist anywhere else, and it helps me to remind myself that I'm not the only person like me in the world. But you could also listen to more music that isn't about love, or see if you can avoid specific things that you know make you feel unhappy in your aromanticism. I'm not saying it's easy, and I'm not saying that path to acceptance will be linear, but I do think trying to work towards that acceptance is worthwhile.

I hope this helps, and that you feel better about yourself soon.

~ mod key

edit: the reason i hesitated to call "wishing i weren't aro" "internalised arophobia" in that post, is largely because it depends where the desire not to be aro is coming from. if it's from a profound loneliness that many aro people experience due to their aromanticism, being misunderstood or even abandoned by their friends, having difficulty connecting with people who aren't aro, that's very different from a person wishing they were aro because society tells us we aren't whole without a partner, or that we're missing out on this experience, or even that we're broken or mentally ill for not being able to experience this sort of attraction.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

can we have more aspd izaya posts please please please please please please please please pl [ i am taken by the fog ]

*grabs u by the leg and pulls u out of the fog* yes of course u can my fine fellow :)

so!! i was talking to a friend about izaya having aspd and whether or not it was an intentional coding on narita's part or if it was a completely unintentional yet still valid way to view the character. honestly, evidence exists for both ways- the emphasis put on izaya's impulse control issues ans disconnect from the rest of humanity, as an example that comes to mind. but there could also be a case that narita didn't mean to invoke a deliberate coding of aspd while placing emphasis on these aspects of him

theres also the whole "two brain scans" thing. was this plot point narita trying to say that he didn't intend for izaya to have any mental illness whatsoever? but then again, brain scans are not exactly the most reliable source of diagnosing mental illness- if it was, we'd just use that. there are studies about aspd and brain differences regarding it, but i have no way of knowing if narita... read them. i don't know the man and i have no idea what studies are available in japanese, since i read mine solely in english.

there's also the study that throws a wrench in brain scan studies as a whole- specifically fMRI studies. it was one of those classic "subject put in brain scan and asked to identify what emotion a person in a photo is showing" except the subject was, ironically since this is a post on izaya..... a dead fish. so did narita see THIS? the study IS from 2009, but to comfirn if its even possible, i'd have to cross-reference the book the two brain scans thing shows up in with the date the study was published, and EVEN THEN the answer is still a big ole "i dunno!"

although, thru all this, i think i settled on an idea of what Might have happened. keyword MIGHT, it's not like i can go ask narita himself. well i mean i guess maybe if i tried really hard.... but i am not going to do that. it sounds scary and frankly i am a weenie, and i don't speak japanese

so, durarara.... is a story largely about the underbelly of society. ergo, there are a lot of tropes present in other works about these kinds of people, but they're subverted here. like, for instance, shizuo- he's the "dumb muscle" trope; an angry fighter who lives for the thrill of violence and that's why he's involved in the underground. except, shizuo hates violence, has tried to hold down regular jobs and is only in the underground out of desperation, and is very perceptive and philosophical. he's a subversion of the dumb muscle trope.

i think izaya was meant to be a subversion of the sociopath as a trope... and imo, you kind of can't really subvert that trope well without giving your character aspd.

"the sociopath" as a trope refers to a character with, essentially, zero humanity. they love nobody, care about nothing but their own gain and destruction, are sadistic for sadism's sake... et cetera.

taking a character and going "they ACT like a sociopath, but they're NOT one!!" is a common subversion of the trope... but it's not really a subversion, is it? it's a bait-and-switch. if a character seems like X but is not X, they are not X. the trope of X does not apply.

imo, for a subversion to really be... y'know... subversive, the character must still possess the original traits of The Sociopath, but they're twisted around and expanded upon

The Sociopath can't love? izaya loves all of humanity... though it doesn't stop him from disregarding their rights and autonomy, ergo still hitting ASPD criteria and still being a sociopath

The Sociopath can't care about anything but their own personal gain? izaya clearly cares about and loves his sisters, but it doesn't negate everything else he's done, or the other times where he has put his own personal gain first

The Sociopath can't feel or express emotion? izaya is demonstrated to be a coward and to have genuine phobias- thanatophobia, the fear of death, IS an anxiety disorder, as are all phobias. shinra describes him as fragile-hearted, and this description is accurate. but, izaya puts on a facade for the rest of the world- ergo, he can't express emotion (at least, not in the way someone without aspd could- it's... hard and scary to Drop The Act; vulnerability is scary and removes the subject's control of a situation, so it stands to reason that it would be difficult for us to do)

The Sociopath is a sadist for sadism's sake? izaya actually has weight behind what he says and does- sure, some of it IS for entertainment, but why he chooses specifically this as entertainment (namely, suicide) has enough bits of info for us as readers to extrapolate. the text doesn't make it explicit, but durarara is a series where paying close attention to minute details is expected and rewarded, so this is par for the course, honestly. and a lot of the things he does, although they result in hurt for the rest of the cast, isn't izaya being a sadist Just Because- at the end of the day he's a scared, lonely man, trying very hard to avoid the thing he's most afraid of in life- the cessation of it.

that's not to say that anything he does is OKAY, obviously, but there's weight and nuance behind it. izaya is treated as a whole human being, just like everyone else. but a lot of core aspects of his character parallel the sociopath trope so cleanly that it's hard for me to believe that it was completely unintentional. was he meant to have specifically aspd, the disorder? i'm not sure. probably not? but "the sociopath, as a trope, but fleshed out and given humanity" is kind of... what aspd.... is. as a disorder. which is why i think you can't truly subvert the trope without giving your character it, inadvertently or not.

anyway yeah this was A Bit different, although i prefer to do watsonian anaylsis i absolutely can do doylist too. i might do more stuff like this if yall like this one idk

[gryficowa]

Something irritates me about the fact that I don't earn money and I don't have a bank account (Because without earning money, opening an account doesn't work… Yes, I found out the hard way, it's also depressing that many fundraisers barely reach the middle, let alone the very end)

I have a second degree of disability, so getting a job is almost impossible, I know, it also annoys me that PLN is often not as high as, for example, Euro or dollars, which makes it difficult to pay collections with this type of currencies, but yes, it may be possible to work around it somehow , unfortunately, I can't donate to the collections, that's why I'm sharing them, because that's all I can do (Besides boycotting and sharing information)

I also have a problem with describing so that more people can reach the collections (That's why I started doing SS and such, or writing short sentences), because unfortunately, ASD and social phobia took their toll (And trauma… You know, I was a strong victim of Internet criticism , to put it mildly, the same in real life)

So I'm sorry if my writing description for collections (Link) seems like I don't care, I care a lot, which makes my mind go blank, it's easier for me to reblog collections than to share them, but I can't always do it do it, because not every person has a collection on the blog and then I have to paste the link to the collection, but also write something and then this happens, my mind goes blank, I know, it seems like such a trivial problem and it is, but it can be annoying when you want to help, I can't describe this problem (Because I can't describe my feelings in many moments) , so not only can't I donate to fundraisers, but my mind does it, and if I succeed, I still have this in the back of my mind: Will it turn out that I don't care? Is that enough? Did I describe it correctly?

It's times like these that ASD and social anxiety disorder are at their worst

And no, I don't have a pension, they didn't give it to me because they thought I was too disabled, so yes, I have a second degree of disability and I can't work (Or only under certain conditions, or in short, nowhere, because there are no such conditions) , but I don't get a pension, and I'm not likely to make money on YT (Especially when it belongs to Google, and when you reach the threshold, Google will also start earning money)

I don't plan to draw on commission either, because I don't think I'm at the level to do it yet

So yes, no matter how much I want to, I can't donate to fundraisers

I still live with my mother because, mind you, I don't earn any money, so I don't even have my own apartment (And apartments in my city have sky-high prices)

I have money in my wallet because I collect it, or someone gives it to me, and even then it's not much and I can't send real money for collections that mainly use bank cards, and for that you need a bank account

So no matter how much I would like to, I can't help in this way, I can share (Although, as I mentioned, my mind is mocking me) and reblog fundraisers, and also reblog information, but I don't have the option to donate to them

If I could, I would send most or all of the amount, but I can't

I saw how the collections are slowly coming, it is most visible with many Palestinians, but also with Sudan and Congo (with the third one the most)

The fact that people have to wait so long for the collection to end is terrifying, many of them are from March or even earlier, and they are still far from reaching the end of the collection itself

I remember one of the collections with a father who had a small child and a pregnant wife, later I saw this child already burnt (And a photo from this collection, when it was still alive, it was a baby), the thought that these people might not survive the end of the collection, or their families themselves is heartbreaking

I remember father sending this collection many times with this baby in the photo, that's why I recognized that it was the same baby, the fact that many people might not have survived to the end of the collection (including children) is terrifying, and I can't do anything about it to do, because I don't make money and I can only share collections, which are barely moving forward anyway

There are so many collections that have barely moved forward for months, and scammers who want to take advantage of it all don't help

Share collections, even if you have no money and don't earn anything, they should reach people who can help, because many people don't even know they exist

[a-libra-writes]

HIII!! can i ask, how do you write Mordecai Heller?? THANK YOUU!!

hmm Ill try to answer this best I can and try not to ramble too long but we'll see how that goes... Im not gonna act like im an expert or whatever, this is just my thought process ig? ALSO Im ace and so is he, and I add my own experiences into my writing. Anyway the long version here:

so first thing's first!! READ THE COMIC ALSO THE SIDE COMICS ALSO ALL THE EXTRAS bc esp the extras, you get to see a lot of his personality pre-Marigold. It's two very distinct points in his life - I'd venture to say that pre-Lackadaisy and early Lackadaisy Mordecai are also very different (and that makes sense - he was a kid, and he was with the Lackadaisy crew for 7 years). He has a very distinct character progression that in my opinion is very interesting and well-written!

actually, p much all lackadaisy characters are well-written, but mordecai is a fun case because he just has so much going on: his social skills are abysmal, and he doesn't seem to find it a problem. he has committed brutal murders and executions and considers them 'just business'. he doggedly pursues discrepancies. he fixates on things being neat and symmetrical if possible. He can deal with things not being that way, for a time (note when he's covered in bloody and filthy from a job, he doesn't freak out - because that's Business (tm) and he can just wash up anyway. But a driver getting a snot mess all over the car he has to drive in all the time? Unforgivable.) he grew up in squalor and has a serious phobia of spiders and rats. He's emotionally repressed in more ways than one. He's queer and is deeply uncomfortable with people (especially women) touching him or showing interest. He still thinks about his sisters fondly. he also thinks they're better off without him. He actually found a friend (or more) in Viktor and he'd never, ever, ever say it, and his way of keeping his friend out of crime and 'protecting' him was by shooting his kneecaps. his sense of humor is crap, and he doesn't understand why his mannerisms would be considered amusing. he got into crime at a young age, doing gangster's finances for them. as a kid.

im missing some other tidbits, but you get it. the dude is real interesting to think about and write, to say the least.

I think a lot of writing mordecai, esp if you're writing a more romantic fic or even if it's just platonic - he's so closed off! part of why the Savoys are so interested in him is they've worked with him a year and he just doesn't loosen up or talk much about himself. he and viktor knew each other seven whole-ass years and you think they ever talked about their families? how they came to know atlas? what they thought about the job? granted, Viktor is just as closed-off himself, but you get what im saying. he has a serious problem with letting people in, and part of writing him is getting a crowbar and figuring out which spot to put it in and bend it juuuust enough to open something up.

ok that metaphor went somewhere weird, but you get me. and, if im being honest, a LOT of what i channel is my own asexual experience. I used to be very touch averse, especially to the opposite gender - to the point where i'd panic if I felt a man was "too close" (i.e. less than 2 feet) and "lingering" (aka minding his business). I didnt mind my friends hugging me, but I didnt really like the cuddle sessions my female friends wanted to do, and after a point, I disliked hugs from my male friends. if a guy was crushing on me? Hell no, he wasnt going near me, even if I thought he was cute too (when I was younger I DEF had a thing for my female friends too, but i registered that as 'gaaaaal paaaals' for the LONGEST time until I accepted I was bi) There was like - an undercurrent of fear and anxiety. It took me a long time to identify why. while other people seemed delighted when people they liked held their hands and hugged and kissed, it sent me into a panic.

eventually i figured out my thought process: physical affection will inevitably lead to sex, and bc i thought i was straight, there was the terrifying thought of ... oh god if i date a guy he'll expect me to have sex. oh no oh no oh no-

(and no, no one taught me much about consent or taking things slow or talking to your partner. i had to figure it out, which sucked.)

all this to say ... when I write Mordecai, especially in a romantic sense, I kind of channel that anxiety I felt in my teens and early 20s. and like, this is the 1920's!!!!* Not to mention his upbringing, and of course his line of work - where he definiately cant have feelings getting in the way of murdering someone. I think this adds up to someone whose repressing themselves - their sexual thoughts (or lack thereof), memories of family, romantic thoughts, platonic thoughts, and so on.

I like to think - again, this is fanfiction, I seriously doubt it'll come up in the comics - in a romantic relationship (or even an intense platonic one), he gets intense about it. Because Mordecai is an intense guy - you can't hatchet up someone "because i was told to", or kneecap a friend you wanted to "protect", or switch sides to your father figure's rival and pretend like you betrayed everyone just to investigate that father figure and not be, uh. some kind of Intense. I often think that, in a relationship, his jealousy and confusion/apprehension around affection and sexuality would be just as intense. And eventually, the feelings of loyalty and devotion ... once he finally lets himself have it. Because I also think, to some degree, he doesn't think he should have it - just like he thinks his sisters and mother should just leave him behind.

when im writing him in the romantic sense - as I began to accept and understand my sexuality, and talk through my feelings with my partner (also generally have better mental health, my touch averseness got a lot better.** Again, Im also kind of projecting my feelings and experiences onto Mordecai regarding this. I like to think that, once he really trusts someone and allows them to touch him, other barriers begin to tumble down. its like raw nerves being touched sometimes, but he steadily gets used to it and eventually takes solace in it (now getting him to ADMIT that srfjsdfs--)

anyway! As always, fanfic is fanfic. You are free to characterize this murdercat however you wish. These are just the jumbled thoughts that run around in my brain.

* Asexuality, like homosexuality and many shades of queerness, was considered an illness. IF anyone even acknowledged asexuality at all - its definition and terminology hadn't really caught on until the 1970's, though the Kinsey scale attempted to address it (and Jennie June attempted to write and define this in the 1920s, but I seriously doubt her writings were widespread).

**A stranger can brush past me or put a hand on me and I only have a few seconds of anxiety. My friends and family can hug me for a while, or I can cuddle up to them. I don't mind my husband cuddling or kissing me at all anymore; he's actually the one person I can tolerate sustained affection from. A huge part of this change came from accepting and understand my asexuality as part of me. I wasnt "messed up" and "broken".

[crumchycow]

a get to know you better meme

thanks for the tag @thestrangeillusion

do you make your bed?

Nope never, if something doesn't need to be tidied it will not be tidied, have left a bucket in the middle of my room for 9 months because of this.

what's your favourite number?

Don't have one

what is your job?

Currently just a student I kinda need to get a job but studying and working is a lot for me and acquiring a job is annoying and hard so uethggghhhh

If you could go back to school would you?

Um will I continue studying? Maybe....

can you parallel park?

No

a job you had that would surprise people?

None? Probably the most interesting way I have earned money is the only commission I've ever had, which was my mum commissioning me for her work (kindergarten) because they needed 30 little icon drawings that each kid has at like their bag hook and on their stuff to identify them, she didn't like the person who used to do it because they were weird about it for some reason and the designs were kinda cluttered and ugly so my mum was like my child can draw? Yes! and this way I can be really fussy and specific with it.

(dw she paid me quite well)

do you think aliens are real?

In the sense of any life existing outside of earth? yes 100% would be weird if there isn't. In the sense of complex or intelligent life? probably. In the sense of there are human equivalent creatures that have achieved space travel and are equally or more technologically advanced than us, unlikely but possible. Just thinking about how much time life has existed without humans and how long humans have existed before any ideas of space exploration and the very specific technologies and discoveries that were necessary for space exploration I wouldn't be surprised if we are the only ones. Also just like how incredibly difficult space travel beyond our solar system is I think it's unlikely we will truly know or make contact.

can you drive a manual car?

No :) do not care to learn. fuck cars and driving is boring i only learn to drive because its kinda necessary where i live :( get me good public transport government please

what's your guilty pleasure?

im guilty about alot things like drinking milk, eating too much sugar, spending too much money, doing literally anything i will find a way to feel guilty about it but thats just my general state of being since i was a child and i mostly ignore it or work around it.

I guess in the more traditional sense of things i like that are embarrassing and i wouldnt want people to know, it would be reading fucked up smut. Particularly my fondness for incest ships? Don't know why I suspect it is the codependency. but yeah umm...

Tattoos?

Not yet but I wanna get a spider (not decided which) on my back soon.

favourite colour?

Peach

favourite type of music?

Um I mostly listen to kpop because uh autism? idk, but I genuinely like a lot of music. Some of my favourite music is like objectively awful and difficult to listen to, I think I often like music that is complex and has lots of things.

Some of my favourite artists trying to include multiple genres I like:

Mamamoo

Stray Kids

Taemin

F.T. island

Jeff Satur

S3rl

Enaria

Chopin (I'm learning one of his preludes atm it's v pretty)

Vivaldi

BabyBeard

GHOST (vocaloid producer)

also gregorian chants slap (not christian, vocal harmonies just make me feral)

do you like puzzles?

Yes! I just recently was like y'know what I haven't done in years but suddenly really need to do:

But also just generally like I LOVE maths and figuring out things and patterns and stuff so fun.

any phobias?

Nope

favourite childhood sport?

Um not that into sport, I guess I wanted to play netball when I was like 8 (but that might've just been because that's the thing you do) but I missed the trial periods 2 years in a row but kinda glad I didn't I know multiple people with permanent injuries from playing netball as a kid/teen and my joints are not the most functional in the first place. Do still enjoy playing casually every now and then.

do you talk to yourself?

Yes my favourite hobby, I have the best conversations with myself, will stay up for hours just talking to myself. Also great for preparing for real conversations. I love it when a topic I fully thought about and talked to myself comes up in conversation and it's like fuck yeah gonna ace this one.

what movie(s) do you adore?

Hmmm not the biggest fan of movie as a story format but uh have seen how to train your dragon at least 20 times and I need to watch it again sometime soon, been craving that animal/human enemies to deep emotional connection best buds.

coffee or tea?

Love coffee, but over half of my daily water consumption is through tea (usually multiple kinds)

Would be less alive without tea also its just like so diverse, green tea!black tea! rooibos! masala chai! rosehip! liquorice! peppermint..... camomile! and so much more with sugar! with milk! with honey! or lemon! hot! cold! literally my favourite, shoutout to whoever invented plant in water. Also soup different kind of plant in water but still absolutely banging humans peaked at plant in water best things invented.

and caffeine doesn't affect me like at all? so i only drink these things for taste.

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

Idk the first but I know at some stage I wanted to be an author or a marine biologist (why is this so common who put it in our heads? Actually maybe David Attenborough....) probably the first was an animal or something

egh its rambly and may not make sense but whatever, also revealing any information about myself on the internet scares me even though literally nobody could do anything with this information like guys pls dont dox me through knowing my mum is a kindergarten teacher

tagging @gaylittlepieceofsh1t @mousydentist @mr-bazongos @wildelydawn @thestarscanalwayslookatus @fiddlepickdouglas @ae-azile and any one who wants to, no pressure tho <333

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 🦞 - October 2024 - Sagittarius

Singles:

Who is Coming In: Knight of Wands rev & Queen of Cups rev

Regarding: The Hermit

Long-Term Potential: 5 Pentacles rev

Oh most definitely the most recent ex, and they’re coming in messy & emotional, probably spontaneously or in the middle of a moment. Drunk even, with 7 Cups. Or that’s what they’re upset about, something impulsive or stupid that’s happened while drinking, it made them feel like you don’t care about them. Or just made it obvious? Could be switched as well, but they’re blaming you so I say you. Player tendencies or actions could be the issue.

There could be a noticeable age difference. Both people are reversed, both energies are chaotic here, one is very emotional and upset over confusion, other people involved, substances, or some kind of illusion. Long term, you are healing your abandonment issues and seeing things from a whole new perspective - totally alone 💯 This probably isn’t the first on & off but could be the last. Eventually, one will be. You will enjoy your independence from this after that.

Messages:

- Please give me another chance.

- Blaming you 💯

Oracles:

1 Fear

If you want to be free of fears and phobias, then you have to understand why they exist and make peace with them.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Virgo, Cancer, Pisces & Scorpio

Couples:

The relationship: The Hermit & 6 Wands

The problem: 3 Wands

What to do about it: 3 Swords

You’ve dealt with someone very dramatic, loves attention, probably starts the shit as far as you’re concerned - and they’ve used you. Or switch for crosswatchers.. The High Priestess shows you know this. If you’re the more feminine energy, then this person makes you feel like less than deserving, like they’re better than you because idk - they have a job? Or *their* job is better. More important. Makes more possibly. King of Pentacles rev is obsessed with money, status and material shit, or can be extremely irresponsible but still somehow acts “above” you or like this was logical, obviously (even wrong). Very stubborn & narrow-minded. Because this King is rev though, it can be like a CEO mentality working at the donut shop. But that and everything else are “above” you on the priority list, obviously (clearly wrong.)

If you’ve messed around, that’s what they wanted. If you’re more of a masculine energy then they feel this way about you. They either expect drama or intend to bring it to your door. In their feelings is EGO, they’re prancing about acting like life is GREAT without you. Sagittarius who? You two are separated, silent, and they’re either expecting drama from you or they just know they’re pissing you off - whether you actually speak up or not. Loooves attention, to the point of immaturity, seeking “bad” attention. Like a child. Could also be switched. What to do about it - nothing. 3 Swords 😢 is sadness, heartbreak, other people in the mix, stupid actions that you can’t undo, there’s other shit in the way of this working, heartbreak. The Star rev shows this isn’t what you wanted, this person has hurt your sense of self worth…healing that is probably going to take some time. It’s not really advice as much as all you can do really. Sending you big hugs 🤗

Messages:

- Darker skin tone

- This was only temporary for me.

Oracles:

44 Transformation

Allow the energy of fear to be transformed by love, creativity and compassion.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Leo, Taurus, Libra & Aries

[the-zapped-part-timer]

Penn Zerothon Day 7

Defending the Earth🛸

My Ramblings: Another Boone's phobia episode, this time public speaking! Question: have you ever tried the method of picturing everyone in their underwear? I haven't. Where did that come from? Why is the an acceptable and normal thing to do? I wanna know the origin.

Another Boone wearing something dress-like and just be like: Oh ok, girl mode, activated. Don't worry, your time will come.

Imagine if that was the whole mission, just signing papers and going to meetings or passing bills. Thank goodness for the double alien invasion.

Instant attack mode with the Trio, finding out ways to murder these aliens. Penn telling Boone to stay focused with such a quiet voice while giving an alien a wedgie is top notch.

Ah yes, the three laser modes: Cat toy, laser eye surgery and oh yeah, destory planet! Really enjoy Rippen's movements and blinking.

"I don't know. This isn't me." How he delivers that, just sounds like a guy. One of the few times Rippen has a different name, there was Farpling, now it's General Ugthar the Ugly. "No, that can't be my name."

Why is Bruce Vilanch here?

Chris Parnell, I recognize that voice anywhere! Can never escape him... I like Judge Blort Clooney, I bet it's that unsettling smile that gets me.

When did Larry move away from Rippen and into the crowds? How did you get over there? Lot's of fun cameos of other aliens all over this episode.

I like that Blort has this all-powerful gavel and is still terrified of Jorlanx. Also of course Blort is a father.

W-I-L-H-E-L-M!

It's pessimist in me that's more on Rippen's side, but come on, you can give better reasons than just potholes, holding music and people who talk too loudy on their phones at restaurants. But those are all very relatable things to be peeved about, Rippen's is just the grumpy adult in all of us.

TIME TO ROLL THE DICE OF CLOSING LEGAL ARGUMENTS THAT AUGMENT BUT DON'T TAKE THE PLACE OF STATEMENTS PREVIOUSLY ARGUED IN THESE PROCEEDINGS. Everyone's favorite part!

So... talking underwear that sounds like a doofy Penn, am I right? Anyways, good speech, Boone. You did a good job! You can clap along if you wish.

Rippen attempting murder is hilarious because he always fails to kill the person. Sure he got the gavel, but he couldn't even hold onto for 10 seconds.

Man, they must have really not liked General Ugthar the Ugly. I wonder what ice cream flavors his fleet is gonna get without him as he gets smacked to death in space.

I would watch Outer Space Court. And I would really liked to know if the alien language they use is something they completely came up with and if anyone one could possibly decode it. Not for the meaning, just because it'd be fun to use.

~The Characters~

Penn Zero: Got his ass smacked on live television for billions to see. What a sad day for the US President.

Boone Wiseman: Another fear conquered! I must say, this feels more earned than his aquaphobia, which is a shame considering that fear really affected his life. Also, while his speech was supposed to be this nice and heartfelt, I wouldn't be totally convinced. But it's not his fault. Just what we know of Earth... just blow it up!

Sashi Kobayashi: Tried to stop a baby Hubarian Quirm from smacking the President's ass and failed on live television for billions to see.

Rippen: You have better reasons to blow up the Earth! Talk about the school education system or you know... war!

Larry: He's friends with one of the contestants.

Dimension(s): Game show... but in space! Fun idea, but it only works if the host is just as good and Blort Clooney? He's great! He was so entertaining. Wouldn't have minded if they came back to this dimension just for him!

Forms: Meh, nothing standing out for me with the Trio. Rippen and Larry's designs go pretty hard for sure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number One Number Two🏹

My Ramblings: RIPPEN AND LARRY EPISODE! LET'S GO!

HEY! Haven't we seen this all before? Rippen delivering a banger line of: "You may not be a real hero, but you're going to perish like one." And about to blast Penn to smithereens until Larry accidentally messes it all up, the inciting incident for this episode!? HMM!? Except this time, we get to see them almost die in the vacuum of space!

AND! We get to see the inside of Fish Stick on a Stick for the first time! I need a "I hearts jetpacks" sweater. Stat!

WE ALSO SEE RIPPEN'S APARTMENT! YAY! Poor bastard lives by train tracks and has a billboard that says "vacation" on the top of his building, and life wasn't cruel enough to him.

So, we can all agree that Larry made that Past Failures scrapbook, right? He's the one that takes all those photos in other dimensions (nice setup) and somehow brings them back, and that's his handwriting! The little i's dotted with hearts! We also know that Rippen has terrible handwriting.

He's too entertaining for me, Rippen needs to be stopped. His expressions, his voice, his mannerisms, HIS EVERYTHING! His dorky high school photo! This man is the reason I growl so much. We need a growl compilation. Stat!

HIS STUPID CLOWN GIGGLE! STOP! Mr. Molina, how do you do that to your voice? How do you just laugh like that!?

Larry was way too enthusiastic about doing a trouser swap, but god is it funny!

Oh no... Larry's heart is freaking breaking in half! HIS FACE! MY HEART! It shows just how much he cares about Rippen, him not wanting to show the utter pain and heartbreak, but god, does he want to scream! He's been nothing but loyal and then out if the blue, replaced! I understand Rippen, I really do, but we will see why Larry is the GOAT!

So Boone is Shak-a-speare, right? Cool. "Pulleth mine finger" was funny.

What was that British accent from the "newsie" boy!? But who's worse, him or Penn's indistinguishable accent?

I like how this world seems normal, just old English and then, oh yeah, there is a dragon... not important but it's there. It's only used for when Rippen literally (accidentally) kills a man by accidentally shooting it. Just straight up dead!

Remove Penn from this whole thing and you get a dating show. Rippen does say he's looking for an evil soul mate... so. I know, doesn't mean romantic, but it is funny to think about. We know he's very romantical. They even do the rose thing but with an arrow!

Montage Time! Penn out doing everyone while Larry's tries his hardest. Yes, he does almost get Rippen gored by bull, but dammit, he's determined!

Interesting that Larry was wearing one of those royal guard outfits for the jousting, weird. Why the costume change? Penn didn't do it.

All the tryouts are like: "what the hell is Jamaica?" Anyways, right before Rippen announces the winner, on of the guys is rubbing his arm in a very cute and bashful way. Also these horses are ugly.

"Will you accept my arrow?" RIPPEN STOP THAT'S A MINOR! Why does he have to say it so sultry? I love it... but Penn, get out of here!

THE FAKE OUT! How he says "Wait. Larry." I WANT TO SCREAM! I WANT TO EAT MY HANDS! They knew what they were doing! I cannot be normal about this episode, I'm sorry...

This confirms that Rippen is not an actual British person or was born in England, of he was, he would've know Westminstershireville isn't real. We know where he's actually from.

It would be so hilarious if Rippen didn't know who Leonardo Da Vinci was. But I think he does, especially given his other job, he should know. But imagine, and even more clueless Rippen only knowing Leonard Da Vinci as the "local face painter."

Rippen saying hardcore...

Just say thank you to Larry, you jackass! I get his thinking process but please, my man needs a win!

We need another compilation of Rippen looking through monocular or binoculars, he does it so often. Love it when he comments on the Trio's appearances, mocking of complimenting them. This time around it's mocking. Speaking of sort of compliments, so far, Rippen has stopped acknowledging Sashi's competence and has insulted her status as a sidekick. Just interesting to note.

Good use of "In the Hall of the Mountain King." Another classic. This whole scene of Penn swapping back and forth, and the back and forthing with himself is amusing. He gets really into it. Him just forgetting the mask, gosh, perfect!

CROW BURN!

It's the willy to the Wilhelm Scream!

Love how Larry just pointed very hard, thank you for your help apprehending Penn. It would be funny if everyone saw Penn put the mask on and just think Rippen was an idiot. Another funny thing! Rippen calls Penn in disguise, Number Two, as if it's his birth name... no fake name!?

How nice of Number Two to help Leonardo Da Vinci.

Uh oh, Penn's been caught! But how could ol' thick-skulled Rip have possibly figured it out? Well, a true villain would never help Leonardo Da Vinci, of course! Damn that face painter! Rippen thought Penn was so cool.

"You may not be a real villain, but you're going to perish like one." Bring it back around!

I find this quote very interesting:

Rippen: Oh, you fool. Don't you know that you should never rely on anyone, especially your Number Two?

Is this the reason he doesn't like or fully trust Larry, besides his annoyances? Where did this come from, his upbringing? Training? Who knows! I just find it interesting that he does team-up with someone in a certain episode. Did he just abandoned that belief after this or is it because that person isn't his "number two" and it's just for that world? I WANNA KNOW! Just how he says "Number Two" in that line implies things that I might just be making up! Doesn't seem like any betrayals happened to him... possibly.

ALSO! Was he just gonna zap back and ask Phil to zap one of these random English guys and be like: "Hey, yeah, Phil? Can you zap that guy? He's my new Number Two now!" I guess it could be that easy.

How the trees? HOW THE TREES!?

Real new Number Two's got the right way of thinking. Also, his voice? Just ye olden time, deeper Rippen. The heartbreak in Rippen's voice, he calls out for LARRY'S HELP! AAAAHHHHHH! Poor man being carried off like a cat to the jail wagon! POOR SAD WET CAT-MAN!

Interesting that ex-real new Number Two almost looks like he felt bad that he sold Rippen out for a coin. Or something like that.

Hey, where has Larry been since Penn's failed gold snatching? TWIST! He was dressed up as one of the royal guards that was taking Rippen away! Big brain moment for him, everybody, CLAP! Thanks goodness that he was the exact height as the rest of them.

THEY'RE HUGGING!!! ARRRRGGGHHH!!! I'M GONNA EXPLODE!!!

Right before he does Rippen looks around, making sure no one will see. Don't be so insecure big guy! It's ok! He doesn't care when Phil sees at least. Good.

"Yes, we're hugging. Get over it." Iconic.

~The Characters~

Penn Zero: Do you think he had fun for a while with Rippen? It's like he had weird bonding time with his part-time uncle.

Boone Wiseman: Shak-a-speare.

Sashi Kobayashi: I wanna see how she trained those animals. And of course, her making the sets, but mainly the animals. No, wait, I wanna know- HOW THE TREES!?

Rippen: Look, I get why, but the pain of watching Larry die inside was too much. How dare you, evil sir! Besides that, he was too entertaining for his own good, by far the funniest. We also get to see how he interacts with people without Larry, and he's silly goofy!? You should be silly goofy with him!

Larry: Biggest L and W for him this episode! It was a rollercoaster of emotions for him. He tried so hard to impress Rippen and win the contest, but he's just not cut out for it. Yet he's still there to help! I hope that Rippen will treasure this man with all his heart!

Dimension(s): Just old English town...

Forms: Evil Robin Hood Rippen... that's all that matters. I kid, the ither designs are alright.

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Could you please do joanne and o!ciel with a male reader, where the relationship is being kept a secret (due to same sex relationships being forbidden at that time)

Preferably each individually

aaaaaaa this made me sad :c

I tend to write in a universe that is, mh, a little lighter on the LGBT+phobia so that it isn't yet another thing for our poor babies to face, so, GAH MY HEART

This is, unfortunately, the way things must be right now. It’s not as if he wants to hide this big, important part of his life, but what’s the alternative? If this were public knowledge, not only would it have an impact on Ciel’s business, your reputation would also be tarnished. He doesn’t want either of those things to happen, because he cares about you deeply. You get flowers from him often, though, in the language that he can use to express his feelings without worry. (Red roses are a favorite, of course. Yellow acacia, white clover, and honey flower make appearances as well.) In addition, he’s without a doubt quite free to do as he likes with you in his own home — he’s given Sebastian the order to make sure this doesn’t get out, and his servants would never breathe a word. All that said… better safe than sorry. His eventual marriage to Lizzie is his cover for your relationship, and he suggests you seek out a similar arrangement. Until the rest of the world learns to mind their own business, he’s willing to set everything up just so in order to have a fraction of the life with you that other people have with their lovers. Even though it isn’t the full one that he wishes for, it’s what’s available. With that in mind, he’s a man who will take what he can get, and he will be working to pave the way for more tolerant mindsets where he’s able.

Ugh, this… this just isn’t fair! Why do people have to be so cruel, that they can’t just let others live their lives? It’s not as if you and he are hurting anyone or doing anything immoral! This poor man is just heartbroken that he can’t have what amounts to a normal life with you. It’s out of the question to go on outings while acting romantically, which wounds him in a way he can’t fully put words to. Despite the fact that he’s very much a shy, homebody type of person, he still wants to be able to go on afternoon strolls with you or sit under a tree reading. And the two of you can’t really do that without inviting negativity into your lives. He doesn’t want that; he can’t take it. So he just… stays home with you, trying to life as typical a life as is possible. His family, his parents and his older sister, are incredibly open-minded for their time, so he can at least do things like kiss you around them, as long as you two don’t go overboard. It’s intimate and sweet, but he’ll never be able to start a family with you like he desperately wants. All he can do is cuddle with you in front of the fire, reading every book the two of you can get your hands on… and pray that someday soon, attitudes will change. He… doesn’t know what he’ll do if he has to live his entire life with you so isolated and feeling as if he’s doing something wrong for simply being in love.

[halforc-mercenary]

What is my muse afraid of? Template by @astrronomemes

COMMON FEARS & PHOBIAS: The dark l Small spaces l Suffocation l Water l Thunderstorms l Dogs l Snakes l Spiders l Insects l Clowns l Blood l Dentists l Hospitals l Needles l Germs l Heights l Fire l Public speaking l Large crowds l Meeting new people l Being alone l Being touched l Failure l Imperfection l Societal rejection l Physical intimacy l Emotional intimacy l Being abandoned l Being forgotten

What other fears do they have? In a general sense, Mar is afraid of not being good enough. Not being strong enough to protect her loved ones, not being able to do what needs to be done, not beeing able to work etc. This is very much caused by the strict military philosophy she grew up under. She knows how her life should go and what rules to follow to reach that goal she is after (in her case a piece of land and the right to officially marry, join a village community where shes seen as equal with a voice in the Ting, beeing a part of a community and not beeing a outsider, maybe even adopt children and have with her piece of land enough money to give them a childhood without worries),so she is terrified by the possibility that one mistake could make her nolonger live up to the rules she has to follow and with that never be able to reach her goal. Mar puts herself to a very strict standart, because anything else means failure and failure means no chance at the future she so much hopes to have.Following the rules and fitting the standart is her chance to have that future and she is not risking that.

Why do they have these fears? Are these fears innate, trauma-based, or generational? Mars fears are definitive trauma based: Her expierence with the mad dog aside, Mar had grown up hearing the muttered sentences "should have been drowned in the vikken at birth" at every little mistake she made. What was a throw away line or a loose threat to make a child obdient by the older mercenarys around her turned into Mars curse, because she started to fear it as an actual punishment if she ever misstepped. She is an adult now and a muttered line over a young child misbehaving (or juast asking questions or just beeing a tired child) is something she had seen through as just that: a sentences. She is still not able to swimm and will do her very best to avoid deep waters, because with her not beeing able to swimm drowning has turned into a possibility that can become actually a truth for her.

Have they ever tried to work through or confront these fears? How did it go? Mar would rather get her spear and run it through herself wholly from her backsid and out of her mouth, before she would ever even think of confronting that fear of dogs. She can be around dogs without panicking, that is enough for her. Even if she would never feel comfortable around dogs or wolfs, let alone ever feel save. It is the same for any other of her fears, she can go through her day and function and that is enough. To confront a fear, one first has to think about it and Mar does not want to think about any of her fears, because it makes her feel useless that she has those fears and beeing useless means that she has no right to be there in the first place and if she has noright to be there in the first palce she ´should have been drowned in the vikken at birth'. If Mar would confront her fears and with that admit that she has them, she would give into her greatest fear of beeing useless and with that not the warrior she is meant to be, which is in the strict military philosophy she grew up and lives under , very much a death sentences.

Tagged By: The Void ! Tagging: @elkenbulwark @deepseawarlock @sparklymanacakes @wildname @thaneirstaer @lighthouseborn @bruinescence @bluescalearchivist @illithidtouched ...and you!

[aka-click]

A Conversation on Trans-phobia

My friend came to me with an honest question, and it led to great a conversation. She gave me permission to share it because it is a very important conversation.

Friend: Not work related question. Do you think I'm transphobic because I don't want to be called a cis-woman?

Me: Specifically no, but I wonder why you have an issue with a straightforward technical term. Could the issues be rooted in transphobic rhetoric, possibly. I don't know that.

Friend: I don't think so. I just figure that if other people can be called what they want why can't I.

Me: Cis is a prefix simply meaning same as… You identify as the gender you were assigned at birth, the cis. Same as.

Friend: I know what it means.

Me: That is literally all you mean. Technically, if you aren't cis, then you are trans. It's just a part of the conversation to keep things clear. When some people say "Women" they only mean cis-gendered women.

When some people say it, they mean anyone who identifies as a woman.

It clarifies the conversation.

I mean, you can say "I don't want to be called a homosapien", but that doesn't change the fact that you are one.

However, as I said, without closer examination, there is no way to know if the fact that you don't like it stems from transphobic roots are not. If it does, then you likely have some unconscious bias towards transphobia. However, knowing that and what you do with it make all the difference in the world.

Unfortunately, all these isms aren't as black and white a topic as the media and some people make out.

Unconscious bias isn't really talked about a lot. And while, overtly we do not display phobic or ism behaviors and may actually actively fight as allies, it doesn't stop us from being a part of the problem through microaggressions that come from the biases we are not always aware of

Me: So I guess the important thing here is to find out the why. Multiple times. Until you're sick of asking yourself why. Cause the first answer is never the root. lol

Friend: Maybe I do have an unconscious bias. I'm not making up excuses, but a lot of it has to do with how I was raised. But when someone calls me out on something (politely) I will take a look at myself. And that comes with different religions, ethnicities etc. as well. I have done a lot of soul searching, especially when I moved out west away from my family and around more open people.

But I still want to be called a woman not a cis-woman.

Me: Exactly. And, to be honest, the most common reason people don't like being called cis is because the opposite word is trans, and they view that as a slur. (not saying this is your reason, just that it is a common one).

And I am sure there are some trans woman who feel the same way, They just want to be called a woman.

Friend: No I don't look at trans as a slur, but I do look at cis as a slur. I know that it isn't. I think it is because the people that I see saying it are obnoxious, rude and insulting.

If a transwoman tells me they don't want to be called trans then I won't call them trans. I will probably call them by their name anyway.

Me: You probably hear it more as a slur because it is most often used in conversation when talking about TERFs - the "feminists" who think only cis women are real women. And that is where seeing cis as a slur starts. And while I know you don't feel that way, that is where the conversation starts. It's an insult to them and they also treat it that way because to them, there is no other definition of a woman.

Friend: I guess so.

Me: It's just food for thought. I know you, I know you're a good person and you are not transphobic, but these conversations are good to have.

Friend: I completely agree with that.

[zwoelffarben]

Hi,

I saw your reblog on the fat-phobia thread and saw you claim to be chronically underweight, which is something i don't hear people talk about because I'm one of those people who has ribs that can be played as a xylophone.

But i feel sad about it.

And seeing you say that being chronically underweight was the worst experience of your life somehow led me to thinking that life must be better if I'm fatter.

I don't even know why I'm writing all this to you i have pending assignments but i just somehow felt comfortable telling you this-

thanks X

I'm always happy when my thoughts on my experience help people, so if I may expound upon them further, I'm pretty sure I've got some flavor of metabolic abnormality where food goes through my body without being fully processed. There's a lot of direct and indirect evidence pointing to that explaination but I've never consulted with a doctor about it, so it's just an observation of how my body appears to work and not a diagnosis.

But in my early life, despite eating twice as much food as everyone else around me, I was just apparently not getting enough real caloric intake for my body to store anything as muscle or fat. As a result:

I was terrible at sports because my body didn't have the energy to build strength or endurence; not matter how much I practiced I did not improve.

I was regularly lethargic, feeling the need for 10~14 hours of sleep or rest a day, which of course I wasn't getting being in a society that expects you to sleep maybe 7-8 hours a day.

I was almost constantly hungry even after eating my meals; and if I ever managed to sate myself, I'd be hungry enough to want to eat again within maybe two hours. I was well-acquanted wit the sensation of slowly starving on a full stomach.

I had no fat anywhere on my body; sure you could see my rib bones and play them like a xylophone, but more importantly, my ass was skin over bone. I could accutely feel the geometry of every seat I sat in; if my ass slid along a metal bleacher my coccyx nestled into the groove like the evergiven in the seuz, and if my ass slid across the metal bleacher, my coccyx hopscotched into every groove while I kept count. It was to say the least, deeply uncomfortable.

I was much more miserable about life back then than I am now, and some of that is owed to the fact that I was a teenager being teenaged. We're pretty much all little balls of angst around that age, but I think my state of being skinner than Death contributed an non-insignificant amount toward making me a particularly pungent ball of angst, yeah?

I'm still a skinny guy, but now I've got some thigh fat, ass fat, belly fat, manboob, and facial fat, and various muscles, and I'm much happier about that being the case than I think I would be if you could still play my ribs like a xylophone.

Anyway, enough about me; let's talk about you.

If I may make a recommendation to you as a stranger on the internet with a degree in creative writing and maths, I'd suggest that if your current weight is making you unhappy or uncomfortable because of how being that weight affects your experience of the world, that you look into having a dicussion with a reputable nutritionist about finding a long-term dietary plan to put and keep on weight, and if you and the nutritionist struggle to find an effective plan to meet your goals, you then look into having a chat with a doctor or specialist about potential underlying causes for your body's demonstrated inability to put on weight.

It's possible that my suggestion isn't something you can do or would want to, since it sounds like a non-zero amount of effort and I don't know if your circumstances even present it as an accessable course of action: I'm just a stranger on the internet with a degree in creative writing and maths.

But, if you're unhappy about how something is affecting you, taking whatever steps you consider practical to addressing the root cause of the unhappiness is generally speaking good praxis. And if I had a do-over with infinite resources I definitely would want to chat with an expert or two about why I could eat two large pizzas and still feel a bit peckish while maintaining my sticc ass despite negative effort.

Food for thought

[erigold13261]

Sorry if I sound nit picky but… if queerness is so common in your NSR universe, why is homophobia and transphobia prevalent?

The same reason why it is in our universe. People are assholes.

The world is not a monolith, just because the one city we and handful of people we see are queer or allies doesn't mean that is true for everywhere. Vinyl City is a more supportive and queer city, so of course queer people would flock to a place they feel safe or know their rights won't be taken away.

We have seen plenty of families/people that are super supportive, like Alyona, Nova's parents, Mama, Neon J, Zuke and West's parents are implied to be supportive and so is Eve's mom. But we also see people who are not supportive, like Matvey, Tila's parents, random assholes and internet trolls. People can also change over time, like Neon's parents who became supportive or West and Joust who were pretty shitty people who then turned out okay(ish).

Queer people attract queer people. Same with neurodivergent people. It is safer in numbers and a lot of queer and neurodivergent people get outcasted and turn to each other for help and support. Like my friend group in high school/middle school started out with a bunch of "cishet" kids and now we are all some flavor of the rainbow in one way or another. Even before any of us came out, we had an internal/subconscious gayday that led us to each other.

The world is really big. There will be communities that are super supportive with tons of allies. Then there will be places that are very hostile and unsupportive, even dangerous to be. We are just seeing the world from the perspective of queer people who have weeded out and curated their friend groups/work environment to be as supportive and accepting as possible.

And when we do see the unsupportive side, it is mostly in the past or happening to people without a choice to choose who they associate with (such as the Sayu Crew's families). Tatiana and Neon didn't choose to live in hateful houses just as much as Catherine and Nova didn't choose to be brought up in loving and safe (home) environments.

It is easier to walk away from a shitty "friend" than it is to get away from family. And even then, if you are in school, it can be hard to get away from asshole friends and jerks. So bigotry would seem more common in the cases of young people or families that you are stuck with. Though, of course there are still times where you can't get away from a bigot because of the situation.

That is probably why bigotry seems "prevalent" in my NSR universe. We are mainly seeing the past and present through the lens of "friends" and family. Like Neon's family being unsupportive, but that can be countered with his friends and navy crew that were supportive of him. Or Tatiana with a dick of a father, yet her mother was supportive along with the Goolings, Kliff, and a bunch of other people. Even the Sayu Crew who have varying levels of intolerance from their families still have each other, NSR, and a whole bunch of friends to support them. So while it does seem like bigotry in NSR is prevalent, there is just as much support and acceptance that is shown.

There will always be shitty people out there. Even in the most queer city there is. Heck, for an example of this, look at Zed. He is a person who HATES loud noises living in probably the center of the music capital of the world (not implying Zed is an allusion to anti-lgbtq mindset). But just because Vinyl City has a ton of queer people doesn't mean there won't be bigots.

Plus, a lot of the "random" bigotry that happens to the megastars is from online people. It is so much easier to be a dick online than in person, so people take this opportunity to spout homophobia, transphobia, all other kinds of phobias and hate-speech. It is easy to see the extremes of people (on both sides) online since they can come from anywhere with super easy access.

So I can see why you might think that because the NSR crew we see being made almost entirely (if not actually entirely) queer people, then "there shouldn't be bigotry" but that is not the case unfortunately. Just like there are pretty queer friendly cities in our world, there are also cities you can't even APPEAR queer without getting targeted for a hate crime or even worse. This is the same with the NSR universe.

There are towns and cities, little villages and counties, even just neighborhoods, that all have different beliefs. People will go to places they feel safe (whether that is a queer person wanting acceptance or a bigot wanting "freedom from gays"). Though this kind of separation does happen in cities (like the districts we see being completely different from one another) there are still a lot of melting of communities and beliefs that happen. Which is why there will always be bigotry, as there is no way that everyone will always be accepting of everyone else.

You can even see this in the queer community. Where exclusionists will tell Bi people to choose a side, that Ace and Aro people are basically straight, or that Nonbinary is not a "real" gender. So just because there are a lot more queer people in NSR, doesn't mean it is free of problems and bigotry.

Sorry if this is WAY more than what you were asking. I just had a lot of fun writing this. And don't worry about thinking you are being "nit picky" because I LOVE explaining my reasoning for everything I do as I usually have a lot of ideas behind my decisions. Though that isn't always the case, I do still love trying to come up with justifications for my world building. Otherwise, I could have just said there's bigotry to give the plot something to do without any real justification.