#or if it came first and is the reason i think angels in spn are so fascinating 🤣🤣🤣

[via-l0ve]

Hello! I've been binging your fics/imagines lately and I just can't get enough! I don't know if this was ever done before, but--

Could you do a general, platonic (perhaps mildly romantic, like how I see Dean kinda gushing over Y/N idk, your choice!) imagine on how the men (Sam, Dean, Castiel, maybe Crowley [which would be funny]) would react to Y/N being some kind of powerful angel, like that sits at a pretty high rank and has the power to do all sorts of stuff? Healing, destroying, anger being so destructive it could kill a human (but albeit a peaceful being). This angel would probably serve as a guardian to the Winchesters, or a superior to Cass or a complete surprise and maybe unlikely companion for Crowley? I imagine it'd be a scenario where they're saved last second during a massive fight, probably get to know er type deal. This sounds kind of cheesy as I ask someone else to write this but I hope it doesn't sound too weird, I almost wanna go anonymous HAHA. I know this is VERY specific but I don't wanna confuse you! It's something I wanna write out into a fic myself but the way you write would make it super interesting! :)

So sorry if this was too much, I'm very descriptive!

Angel. (SPN pref!) 🩷

a/n: stop omg. this idea is so cool! also - thank you for the kind words!! i appreciate you so much!! i hope you enjoy this!

warnings: slightly romantic!!

Dean:

Dean met you on a hunt

he was being himself and basically bleeding out, but he was still fighting

you, being in charge of the dink, had to come down and help out

when you appear, a bolt of white light strikes the ground and your voice projects through the atmosphere

“you will not hurt this man.” you say, hair blowing in the wind and eyes glowing

dean was flabbergasted, also a little scared, but also a little bit in love

eventually you just kill the entire vampire nest because they’re stupid and you turn to dean.

“are you okay?”

he’s even more confused because this angel just came down and slaughtered the threats to him and now they’re talking so.. nice.

you heal his wounds and boom. now he’s your friend

he follows you around like a lost puppy and also brags that he’s friends with not one, but two angels, and one is even more powerful and higher up than fucking CASTIEL.

as he gets to know you he knows how sweet you are and it inteigues him even more because - as i said, you’re a powerful angel who can kill anyone but you’re so nice to him, Sam, Bobby and Cas.

the first time he sees you angry he literally gets all red and falls for you

—

Sam:

You first met sam when he was basically bleeding out in a motel room

Dean had gone to get food and sam had been hiding a pretty nasty gash from him

so now he was sitting alone trying to patch himself up (and being unsuccessful)

so, you made your appearance and tried to keep him calm

you appeared and he saw you and went 👁️👄👁️

“it’s okay. i’m an angel. i will not hurt you.” you say softly, stepping towards him

sam is still a little wary but he lets you heal him

you press your fingers to his forehead and he’s all good (albeit a little scared hahah)

he always has the smuggest little smirk on his face when you get angry on his behalf

he likes the feeling of having such a powerful being watching over him all the time but it also makes him nervous because of… his past💀

addicts recover

—

Castiel:

When you came down from heaven to help the Winchesters and Castiel, he was happy to see you

he knew, despite rebelling from heaven, you wouldn’t judge him

he spends a lot of time near you

like, standing right next to you

i like to think that you have better “people skills” than him for whatever reason (it’s just funny) and he just kind of sticks to you ykwim

he thinks you’re so cool

he dosent step in to help you in fights because he knows you can handle it and kill anyone you want

he’s blushing and kicking his feet when he sees you🤭🤭🤭

absolute power couple if you guys got together like omg

but yeah

he always defends you if anyone says shit

he’s just such a cutie pie

—

Crowley:

you popped in when crowley was holding dean and sam hostage

you came into the room, eyes rolling already.

“let them go.” you said, voice sounding bored as you’d done this multiple times already.

crowley looks at you

“oh god, you again.” he scoffs

BUT he dosent even bother to argue and lets them go

which shocks the boys because that’s not like crowley

but he’s smitten for you

it’s giving enemies to lovers

but anyways

you guys have many encounters and end up talking a lot

crowley talks about hell and you talk about heaven

and he finds himself not hating you

and suddenly he wants to be around you more and learn about you and watch you be a badass angel

[sardonic-the-writer]

rant about Gabriel to me I need to understand him

im going to format this like you've never seen the show, just in case you haven't, so if you have just bare with me

gabriel is a bit of an enigma. for the first two and a half episodes he shows up in, he's not even known as gabriel. he's on screen as 'the trickster' and is masquerading as one. (tricksters in spn canon are powerful demigod creatures of myth that can alter reality how they want, normally using their powers to play deadly pranks on malicious humans in ironic ways. i.e mauling someone who tests products on animals via a sewer alligator)

the reason he's doing this as a self proclaimed "witness protection" method is because he's in hiding, pretending to be a trickster to hide from his family; which is heaven since he's the archangel gabriel. surprise surprise. this is revealed in the episode 'changing channels', (season four) which is i believe the best ranked episode on the entire show by the audience and one of my favorites. 'mystery spot' (season three) is another one he stars in (as rhe trickster, not gabriel. we still dont know that), and i think it's the second highest ranked. and 'tall tales' (season two) is the first one he shows up in which is also very highly ranked.

gabriel has a habit of faking his death a lot to escape responsibility, which he does in the episode 'hammer of the gods' (season five [?] i think) after being "stabbed" by lucifer so he doesn't have to really stick around and watch his family (lucifer and michael) fight. but we don't know that it was a fake out for nearly eight seasons. (there is an instance where he shows up again in season nine but that was a fake out and not the real him). in 'hammer of the gods' we also find out that gabriel really had gone all in with his so called witness protection while pretending to be a trickster; so much so that most of the mythological world/pretty much anyone but cas sam and dean knows him as the actual god of tricksters, loki, and not by his true name. later on when he comes back in season thirteen we find out that's because the real loki offered to share the same face with gabriel back when he first came to earth wayyyyyyy long ago to help him out. and when we meet loki later when gabriels trying to kill him for selling him off to one of the princes of hell asmodeus (i'll get into that) it's basically just the actor richard speight jr playing two roles at once. if that makes any sense. one of my favorite episodes, although i think that's just because i hadn't really seen gabriel in months and was over excited. i'll have to see if the hype holds up on my rewatch

but okay, for some backstory on the whole being sold thing, after gabriel faked his death in 'hammer of the gods', he ran off to some island to get in contact with loki and his kids (think fenrir. spn uses real mythological names and bloodlines as side plots sometimes) to go dark again. loki pretends to entertain the idea and let's gabriel play poker with hookers for a few days (gabe has also stared in a porno before and enjoys eating candy even though angels never get hungry. he's fun that way) before betraying him and basically selling him off as a slave to a prince of hell, who locks him away for hundered (thousands maybe?) of years, constantly draining his archangel grace just enough to not leave gabe powerless, but also enough to torture him horribly. it's awful, and all explained in the episode 'unfinished buisness' (season thirteen) which is all about him enacting revenge on loki and the tricksters kids. but the takeaway is that the first time we see gabe after season five, he's a completely different person. almost like a scared animal. if the animal has had its mouth sewn shut by a demon, that is.

anyways, sam and dean and cas help revert him back to his usual self, and he runs away from his problems for a few episodes, before finally confronting them and dying for real this time at the hands of an alertnate world version of his brother michael a few episodes later. the later seasons writing was so fucked up in my opinion, and the way gabriel died was done so wrong, but i think that's because im biased. frowns

my explination of him does no justice. he's a smug, silly, tricky, multi layered, funny son of a bitch that has fuck ass smile where his eyes crinkled at the corner and i. oughhh. i love him. urgh. yeah

[daughterofcain-67]

𝕽𝖆𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 (𝔭𝔱.1)

(Dean Winchester x Female Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: The wretched mark that Cain had passed on to Dean was taking an affect on the elder Winchester. Sam had been worried about the changes in his brother's character. Abaddon had already been killed, Dean was insistent on keeping the First Blade to use on Metatron. But Sam was more concerned with how to get the mark off his brother sooner rather than later. But who would know where to even begin?

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Spoilers in the plots of seasons nine and ten. Mentions of blood, gore, SPN violence, mentions of genetic experimentation.

The look on Dean's face was all that Sam could remember when he held the First Blade for the first time. And ever since that moment he's noticed how much easier it was becoming for Dean to kill without any second thought.

Then there was the excuse Dean gave every time he wanted to bring that stupid blade along on almost every hunting trip they went on. Even when they truly didn't need it. It was like an addiction and there were times that Sam just wished he had given the blade to Crowley without Dean knowing.

But what really set Sam on the idea of taking the mark off his older brother, was the moment Dean finally killed Abaddon. The mark was powerful on Dean and after the lights went out of Abaddon's eyes, you would think it would be over, right? But Sam remembered how cold Dean had become before he straddled the body and stabbed repeatedly. The overkill was unnecessary and Sam couldn't forget the blood that covered his brother's face, while Dean didn't seem to want to stop.

Sam hated what his brother was becoming, and he hated that Dean was trying his best to justify when he kills. That he claims to be "nothing like Cain" in the sense of being a ruthless murderer. But in Sam's eyes, and in the eyes of their friends, Dean was changing and he was no longer the man he once was.

The only thing that Sam wanted outside of killing Metatron, was for his brother back.

Which then brings us to Dean.

He wished his kid brother would keep his nose out of where it didn't belong. Sam had no idea what he was going through, how could he? He had the power to beat Metatron now. And he could bet that he was able to beat practically anyone effortlessly if it came down to it. They could finally save the world for good.

He looked down at his arm and gazed at the mark, gifted to him by the father of murder himself. He knew he wasn't like Cain. When he killed, he had a reason. that reason was to kill all those evil sons of bitches that got in his way.

Although the constant burning from the mark, the constant urge to kill, he couldn't help but wonder that with his brother's nagging actually had some kind of truth. He didn't understand what the hell was happening to him, but he knew that right now it didn't matter what was happening. They had a task at hand.

So now, Dean had yet another meeting with Crowley since Sam was having a meeting with Cass to see if he was having any luck with the factions to beat the former Scribe of God. And that's exactly where he was.

Dean sat down in a booth of a bar, leaned up against the back of the chair, with a glass of whisky on the rocks. The King of Hell was sitting across from him with some fancy kind of drink with one of those tiny ass umbrellas.

Honestly, Dean didn't really know why he was still bothering to see Crowley. He wasn't even sure if he would even get the answers he needed from the demon but he knew he needed to at least try something. He didn't really find much of anything in the books in the Bunker's library.

So a visit with the King of Hell was the next best thing, even if the bastard was on his kill list after Metatron.

"I take it the angel hasn't had any luck finding that winged wretch, huh?" He asked, his accent thick and Dean rolled his eyes a little.

"Small talk? Really? Isn't that beneath you?" The hunter asked, a little impatient.

"Woah now, Squirrel. Just trying to have a bit of conversation. Didn't think that was so wrong especially after you bloody Winchesters kept me locked up for so long. You should be glad that I'm talkative and even willing to see you now." Crowley pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just cut to the chase, alright? I don't even like being around you as it is." Dean continued, the demon placed a hand over where his heart would have been and feigned offense.

"So why have we arranged to meet?" Crowley asked, "I've already got what I want. Abaddon's gone and I'm the ruler of Hell again and I'm busy trying to get my kingdom back on track."

“I’m not gonna ask you to track down Metatron. I just want to know what the hell this mark is doing to me. I get enough of Sam bitching at me about how this thing is supposedly changing me. And I-“

“Let me guess, you want it to be nothing that way you can tell Moose you’re perfectly fine so he can get off your back. Am I correct?” The Winchester rolled his eyes a little but he couldn't exactly say the demon was wrong.

"So what's the deal with the damned thing?" He asked while Crowley took the cherry off his fancy little drink and ate it.

"Squirrel, I'd hate to tell ya, but I don't know what's going on with the bloody thing. Not a lot of people know how it affected Cain himself other than it of course gave him some sort of power, a thirst to kill. No one truly knows how it will effect the mind of the wielder." Crowley answered.

Dean didn't really know how much of what he was saying is true or if there was any more to this mark that the demon was holding back. But he didn't have the leverage to make him tell more.

"Well, if that was all you wished to know, I'd say that was a waste of chatting on. I'm surprised Sam isn't with you. Or are you still having marital problems?"

Dean's jaw tensed a bit. Things were always up and down between them and it didn't get much better after he got Cain's mark. There were times he liked to think they would still be there for each other, and he knew Sam was trying to look out for him. But it was just getting on his nerves.

"Other than this stupid mark he's wary of? Things are fine. Just focused on the job. The sooner Cass's group tracks down that asshat, Metatron, then the sooner we can focus on the next thing that comes out way." He said and the demon hummed a little.

"A hunter's work is never done. I can't say I pity you. But since there's nothing else to be done at this moment, I think I'll take my leave. Ciao."

Before Dean could protest, Crowley was gone. Dean grumbled to himself before he rested his arms on the table. Then he glanced down at his arm, looking at the scar.

Cain said there was a great cost with bearing this mark. At the time Dean was laser focused on killing Abaddon. But should he have taken things more into consideration?

Sam met with Castiel in his quarters since Cass was needed there while his followers continued the pursuit of Metatron. So now the two were simply in the angel's office so they could converse in private.

"So how are you holding up with the stolen grace?" Sam asked as a bit of an ice breaker and he watched Cass smile slightly, knowing that he'd say there was no need to worry about him.

"I can assure you that I'm holding up just fine for the time being. There is no need to he concerned when there are other important matters at hand. I know you came because you're worried about Dean," The angel said in his usual monotonous tone.

Sam gave that slightly awkward but point taken grin of his before speaking again, "Yeah, well, uh.. It's just that mark he got from Cain."

"You see that it's effecting him too. And what are you suggesting that we do?" Castiel asked, "You know that he cannot be without the mark until Metatron is defeated and he is the only one that can use the First Blade. You are already doing all that you can by not bringing it on every hunt you're on."

Sam sighed a little. He supposed the angel could have been right but even so, it wasn't comforting. Somehow it just wasn't enough. He's already thought about locking Dean up in the dungeon without the blade for a while so he's not a danger to anyone else yet.

Of course, the key word was yet. So there's a chance that Sam would have to do something that extreme.

"That's not enough, Cass. I don't want that stupid thing to affect Dean more than it already has. We have to come up with a plan or find someone that can at least help the situation before it gets any worse." The younger Winchester said.

The angel looked down at the hunter while he was sitting in the chair in front of him. He could tell just how worried the brother was and he knew that it was something that would never change. Even if there was seemingly no way for there to be any kind of relief before the changes worsen, he knew that Sam would stop at nothing to find a way to protect his big brother.

"There... there is a rumor amongst demons and angels alike." Castiel finally spoke again, causing Sam to perk up.

"A rumor? A rumor about what?" Sam asked as he sat up in the chair, giving the angel his undivided attention.

"It's simply a hearsay, so I can't promise this as some sort of definite truth so you must keep that in mind.'' The man in the trench coat warned.

"Yeah, yeah, just get on with it already."

"Well, there is a matter of Cain's descendants. Of course the ones mentioned in the Bible are dead because they were mortal and there are few left that carry Cain's blood in their veins. And even if they did, they wouldn't care his mark." The angel began.

"Okay, well what does that have to do with anything? If his decedents are slim pickings and they're human, it's highly unlikely that they'd know anything about the mark."

"Sam, I would appreciate a lack of interruptions if you'd like to hear what I have to say."

"Right. Sorry."

"Anyway, as I was saying, there is a rumor amongst Angels and Demons that there is one specific relative of Cain. One that wouldn't be mentioned in the Bible because she was conceived long after the book of Revelation was written. It is said that she walks among us to this day. The direct Daughter of Cain and Mistress of Murder. She is the spawn of a Knight of Hell and the Father of Murder."

"Wait, I thought Cain killed all of the Knights of Hell except for Abaddon who got away. How can she be a spawn of the both of them?" Sam asked, totally at a loss by the idea.

"Demons have their ways. Speculation from the ancient demons such as Azazel back in the day said that somehow, the demons obtained some of Cain's DNA and somehow used Abaddon's DNA, created a spell and Abaddon became pregnant. Cain's daughter is the first born-demon. She was born with the mark. All through experimentation and magic." Castiel said.

"That's insane! I knew demons were sick but this is just dispicable." Sam said and shook his head, and the angel couldn't help but to agree.

"The purpose of this was of course Abaddon's idea so that she had the perfect weapon to use against Cain. Cain supposedly doesn't know of his own daughter's existence and because she was born a demon rather than dying and becoming a demon, she is still living and arguably just as powerful as Cain himself, if not more powerful. But it's said that because Cain was once human, and Abaddon, of course, conceived with a human vessel, the child had some humane traits."

Sam was shocked at all of the overwhelming information. A demon that was born rather than a human dying and becoming a demon or being possessed? All of this was a bit much to grasp.

"So if this girl is still alive, why haven't we seen her? You'd think she'd want some sort of revenge since Dean killed her mother, right?" Sam asked.

"Well, that's a little complicated. The Mistress of Murder was not trained with the concept of family. It was said she and Abaddon never got along and because they clashed, supposedly because of her father's traits, she favored the idea of free will and not taking orders like Lucifer's demons. That was the time Abaddon told the girl who her father was and because she favored the human's idea of free will, she fought her mother and left Hell before going into hiding. Much like her father before her."

"That doesn't make any sense. Demons are pure evil right? How can one favor humanity? Especially one that you would think is born a demon." Sam continued.

"To be frank? That's the part that confuses everyone. That's why angels and demons only say this is a rumor rather than truth. There can be contradictions but some battle the contradictions and claim the humanity comes from faulty magic." Castiel answered.

"Well, first we'd have to find out if she's even real, right? Then maybe she knows something about the mark and can help us. If she was born with it then surely there's a way to subside it." Sam said, suddenly getting hopeful.

"Sam, this is going to be a bit complicated if she does know something. The mark is dangerous on anyone. And because she was born with it, because she's been killing since childhood, you don't know how she's handled her murderous urges over these last few centuries. She may not have the self restraint Cain supposedly had." The angel warned and Sam got up.

"We still have to try. She may not know how to get the mark off, but I'll take even the smallest bit of help rather than nothing."

Meanwhile, in Cincinnati Ohio, there was a little tattoo shop. It was a quaint little place that had been in business for a little while now. About four years to be exact.

There, sitting in a small chair with a handheld tattoo machine in her grasp and working diligently on her artwork, was the owner of the shop. A girl that no one truly knew anything about, but the mystery was a part of what kept some people coming, outside of the artwork.

You had practically shown up out of nowhere, bought a little building, renovated it and turned it into the little shop it was today. You were talented with your work, but outside of the fact that you were the owner of this place and had plenty of experience with your line of work, no one knew anything about the mysterious tattoo artist with the badass mark on her arm. Granted you enjoyed lying low and staying away from demons and angels alike, you got bored. You knew exactly where Cain resided before the current King of Hell and some human went and bothered him. But you yourself had never decided to go and meet the man you inherited the blasted mark from.

You didn't spare your father's life because you had compassion. Frankly you didn't care enough about your so called father to spare his life out of love. You barely knew the man. It was more to spite your mother.

You wished you could say you hadn't killed in centuries and of course you knew it was out of your demonic nature. But you figured if your father could walk away from Hell even if he was a demon, why couldn't you?

Of course, the urges were there. The thirst for blood was there and it never left. The burn from your mark ignited your entire arm constantly. It was a perpetual pain you endured.

But because you can't say you were clean of killing, that only meant one other option. You still were a killer. No one had shown you what it was like to be human and not kill. You couldn't deny your demon blood. You refused to go back to Hell, you didn't care to aid angels because they'd kill you anyway.

Humans though, as ideal as it may seem, their deaths cause too much attention. That would ruin your chances of lying low. Plus humans tend to miss other humans and you didn’t want to be investigated over a missing person’s case.

But with the ever growing pain in your arm, you found that you liked the hunters' idea of killing monsters. Victims that no one would miss. They don't have souls so it's not like their death would benefit heaven or hell.

So the monsters were your designated victims, at least for now. Hey, the mark never said who you had to kill. And even if you did want to kill humans, you refused to give Hell the satisfaction of giving them souls. And over the years, you had fun with it once in a while, depending on how demented the monster was.

"Hey, Y/N?" Your client asked as he sat up when you were done with your work. You hummed a little as you got what you needed to make sure the tattoo would be protected during the healing process.

"I was wondering if you were taking any apprentice positions. I have this nephew who's getting out of high school and he's got talent. He want's to go to college and get some kind of art major but he needs a job since his financial aid and scholarships won't quite cover everything." The client said.

You lifted a brow. This was the first time something like this had come up. You didn't plan on working and teaching someone else. Let alone a human, but because of your senses you knew that this was no human.

"Let me think about it. I'll get back to you." Was all you decided to say and he got up out of the chair.

"Huh, so they say you do have a human conscience after all, Mistress of Murder."

You hummed a little and took your gloves off before standing up, not bothering to look the demon in the eye when it showed off his black eyes to you.

"Oh no, Kid. I was just entertained by your charade. I thought that I would play along just for your sake. You do well acting human, but don't you have a new king you should be serving?" You asked.

"Well the new King of Hell has tasked me in finding you and bringing you back to Hell wince Abaddon is dead. So if you'll just come with me then I'll go easy on you." The demon said and you scoffed and rolled your eyes.

"Oh how merciful of you, Mr. Demon. But unfortunately for you, I don't plan on going anywhere, and I certainly don't plan on anyone ever finding out where I am." You said.

"Very well. Have it your way." The demon said and he lunged at you with all the force he could muster but you took a hold of his wrist, unphased by his attack.

"You must be new to this demon thing. You're the weakest little pest I've ever seen." You said and you gripped even tighter and the demon was unable to move when you pinned him to the floor.

Then you placed a hand on his head, his black eyes widening with horror and when he tried to leave his human vessel, your eyes glowed red and you smirked, "Oh no, I don't think so, Love. You came in my territory, and you won't be going anywhere."

Then the demon started convulsing beneath your touch, the human body was growing hot as the demon started chocking. Then it started to vomit some sort of black liquid before it finally stopped moving completely. It lay there lifeless, eyes still black and wide open.

Then your eyes returned to their normal color.

"Well, it wasn't the most satisfying kill. But like I said, Kid. I don't intend on anyone finding me." You said and with the snap of your fingers, the corpse turned to red smoke and the mess vanished as if nothing had ever happened.

But one of the things he said stuck with you. You lifted your sleeve and looked down at your father's mark.

"So... she's finally dead. Too bad, I was hoping I'd get to her first."

Thank you!!!

Thank you guys so much for reading! Your support and feedback is greatly appreciated! Be sure to stay on the lookout for part two! I’m hoping to get it out soon along with a masterlist! You all are amazing! 🖤

Taglist:

@johannelis2302nely @justtrying2getby-blog @deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373 @alternativeprincess @doctorlexilouwhosblog

[cheynovak]

Forest Green Eyes - PART 4 

Castiel & Y/N Winchester  

Warnings:  SMUT – 16+ …  

Side note: English isn’t my first language.  

Words:  1794

This story takes place after the SPN finally. Jack asked Castiel to go back to earth to be the guardian angel of Y/N. Cas accepts this task but only to discover that Y/N is the biological child of Dean.  

 

Part 5 Now online

----------------------- 

 

And like a magnet your face turned towards him. Looking in each other eyes once more grinning. 

All you could think of was kissing those angelic lips again. But that was the beers you had earlier talking right...  Right? 

--

The drive home was quiet. The windows were down, and the hot summer breeze landed on her skin. Y/N and Cas had just offered to drop Tom and Anna of at their home since they were clearly not able to drive anymore. The entire ride Anna kept looking at these pictures. “You guys are ok with me posting them on insta?” When they were home save, it was just the two of you.  

Castiel started to think about the kiss. He wanted to talk but didn’t know where to begin.  

"Music?” Y/N asked leading Castiel out of his thoughts?  

 

* Eric Clapton – Wonderful tonight started playing*  

Both Y/N and Castiel sat there listening to the words. Y/N didn’t want to make anything more awkward by changing the channel. Would be too obvious she thought. She looked over at Cas, he clearly had no problem with the music.  

Little did she know that the angel did his best not to look at her, afraid to give his feelings away and make her uncomfortable.  

Once home Y/N removed her jacket and walked towards the kitchen. “You want something?” 

He didn’t answer but followed her, trying to find to courage to talk about what happened.  “Y/N... We need to talk.”  

“Yeah, what’s up?” Trying to sound normal, not looking at him. Afraid of what he would say.  

“About tonight, you know, the eh ... kiss.” He asked with his heart beating out of his chest.  

A moment passed as she tried to find an answer. I can’t tell him what I felt tonight, it is so wrong! He probably still sees me as some little kid.  

“Oh that. Well, that was a means to an end. I thought you wouldn’t mind. The guy clearly got the message without breaking bottles or bones.” She said slowly turning to Castiel. 

 

Castiel’s heart dropped, it felt like the world came down on him. Y/N noticed the way he started to walk backwards looking at the ground. “Cas?”  

He cleared his voice “Yes, well, that was what I thought.” He said with a smile like he had a toothache. “I, eh, I,  I'm going to my room. It was a long day. Goodnight, Y/N.” 

Y/N let out a sigh, oh god what did I do. If someone deserves an honest answer it is Castiel.  

And he looked so hurt by my answer. He even went to his room. The man didn’t need sleep, so it had been weeks maybe months that he stayed the night in there. He usually would read a book in the main rooms, watched a movie or prepared food for Y/N. He even reorganized the entire archives from the man of letters.  

Castiel is laying down on his bed. Listening to some music he borrowed from Y/N. Trying his best to reset his feelings. Back to normal Castiel, you are here for a purpose, a job. Even though he still had no idea why or what he was supposed to do.  

Looking after a kid was easy, a teen more challenging but he managed. Y/N is a woman now, who’ve read every book in this archive, who knows every story. A woman who is incredibly smart and kind, a little stubborn and grumpy, maybe even a little temperamental. Who acts first and thinks later.  

And oh, so beautiful, her full lips, high cheekbones, dark blond/light brown hair, and her big green eyes... And taller than the average women he met.  

But he was sure there were more people like that.  

There can only be one reason that Jack was so interested in this kid. She had to be family in his eyes.  

He heard a soft knock on the door. “Cas? Are you ok?” 

 The angel opened the door slightly, just enough so he could stand in the doorway.  

Y/N stood closer to the door than he expected. She was already in her sleeping shirt and underwear.  “Hi.” She said while her lip curled slightly, clearly not knowing how to react. “Hey” He answered while letting out a breath.  

- “Cas, I’m sorry.” 

“What?” 

- “I couldn’t sleep and kept thinking it isn’t fair to lie to you, to lie to myself.”  

Is she saying what I think she is? “What?” he repeated.  

Y/N looked at the floor. ”I think, I love you Castiel.”  

Castiel lifted a hand under her chin.” Look at me Y/N... Please.” So she did.  

 

The second Y/N’s eyes locked in those ocean blue eyes she felt her whole body move forward.  

Castiel placed his hands on her face accepting her, accepting her kiss, pulling her in. This kiss was long and passioned. Y/N’s hands caressing his shoulder and torso. Castiel walked back leading Y/N into the room. Y/N started to undo his tie and unbutton his shirt while her lips moved from his lips towards his neck without losing their touch.  

 

Castiel moved his hand from her face down, over her arms, stroking the side of her breast. Y/N felt a shiver down her spine that made her moan a little under her breath.  

As she pushes his shirt of his shoulders, he grabbed her wrists and pulls back so he can look at her.  “Y/N wait... Are you sure? I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to or regret when you’re sober.”  

“Castiel, I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. I want all of you.” She said while softly kissing his neck going over his chest moving down.  

“I want you.” Softly scratching his nipple with her teeth. 

“ The question is.” Kissing his hips. 

“Do you want me Cas?” Licking a stripe between his navel and pants. 

Castiel closed his eyes “Yes, you have no idea.” The second Y/N undid his belt, the angel felt a fire in his gut. He lifted Y/N up without a warning and pushing her against the wall. Y/N’s legs are around his waist. You knew he wanted you as much as you wanted him by the bump growing in his paints and the moans he let out while his lips were all over you.  

He dropped her for a second just to remove Y/N’s shirt and look at her bare breast. His eyes were darkened with lust.  

Y/N pushed Cas to the end of the bed, he gracefully sat down while she sat down on his lap facing him. Even though he seemed self-assured his eyes looked for permission every step of the way. 

He took her left breast in one hand while he takes her right nipple in his mouth, sucking and licking.  

This movement made her moan his name while she desperately grinds her hips on him for more friction.  He loved how she moaned his name, this made the fire in him burn brighter. Made him want to satisfy her more and more.  

Castiel turned around, taking Y/N with him so that she is now laying on her back in bed. Slowly crawling up to the pillow. But Castiel didn’t follow, he had other plans. He licked and kissed her ankles than her legs, thighs, hips. Y/N’s head falls back when he took her panties of slowly started to caress her clit. “Please Cas, I need you.”  

“What do you need?” He asked with a husky voice. Y/N sat up “You, inside me.” She said while stroking his now very hard and visible dick. “I don’t want to wait Cas. Please”  

Castiel took off his pants and underwear. As he hovered over Y/N he asked, “Are you sure, I though humans wanted, more foreplay.”  

“Next time” She sight. “Castiel I’m burning up. I need to feel all of you.”  

He moved his dick against her, coating it with her juice before slowly entering her. “So wet, so tight.” He moaned.  

Y/N felt her hole stretched inch by inch. The angel watched Y/N’s expression and waited a little before he started to slowly move his hips. “More...” She moaned. Castiel frowned not entirely understanding what she needed. “I’m not going to break Cas, don’t hold back. Fuck me harder.” 

 Y/N wrapped her legs around his waist, pushing him deeper, while Castiel placed his arms next to her head and started to hard yet passionately thrust. He could feel her squeeze when he hit a specific spot inside her. “Oh, YES Castiel, right there!”  

Y/N felt every inch of Castiel, he was so big that every trust hit that one spot inside that made her scream and moan like a mad woman. She quickly noticed that Castiel loved the way she reacts, so she didn’t hold back. While he started to move faster and harder, she started to feel the heat boiling inside her. It wouldn’t take long before she would snap. “Don’t stop, please Cas, don’t stop, I'm so close!” Just a couple more thrusts and Castiel could feel Y/N wrapping tighter around him, it made him groan. “I can feel it Y/N, come for me.” His trust started to get sloppy, the way he felt you squeezing made him fight not to come before you. “Let me make you feel good.” Groaned out of breath.  

Those last words pushed Y/N over the edge. Castiel managed to hold back just enough to look at you. “Where do you want me...” He was so close he couldn't finish that question. “I said I want ALL off you Cas.” Not 5 seconds later Castiel came inside her. After he came down from his high, he kissed her lips. “Wait here.” Before she could say anything, he was gone and returned with a washcloth. “Hm, great sex and aftercare.” Y/N joked.  

“Well, I asked you to let me take care of you.” He grinned. 

Castiel pulled the cover over them while Y/N snuggled by his side. “This is going to change things, isn’t it?” He asked. “Well, I hope so, more of this. More of... Us” She answered drawing circles on his chest.  

“Us, sounds good.” He said. Minutes later Y/N felt asleep while Castiel kept listening to the music that was still playing in the background.   

---

If you liked this, please check out my masterlist for other stories.

[ananke-xiii]

Another dream, always mine (and yes it's still spn s13 related because i have a bone to pick with dabb over that season specifically)

So here it goes. (Part 1)

Spn s13 but kelly doesn't die, cas doesn't die, crowley doesn't die. Lucifer dies for *reasons* but mary, dean and sam are stuck in the AU.

It's still spn so we just have to have mirrors and parallels, okay? Like, this show doesn't care about continuity but damn! They will stick to mirrors and parallels like it's a religion and so we do too.

The thing is that the AU is not the lame-ass AU Dabb or whoever came up with, it's at least an attempt at being an interesting place. So basically the AU is as boring and dumb as our earth, nothing has really changed, people are still trapped in the rat race that capitalism is (see, we have a little bit of critique here too, there is no escape from the capitalist-fascist-heteronormative narrative or isn't it?), the frigging white picket fences are still everywhere like a fucking nightmare BUT! This is an earth without monsters, angels, demons, nothing goes bump in the night but depression, paranoia and suicidal thoughts (now these are the real monsters) and YET this is THE chance for our heroes, this is the promised land, no past, only freedom, the american dream is theirs to grab (but don't worry this place hides a secret, this is still spn everything must be queer, you'll see). Sam, dean and mary are kinda lost cause, surprise surprise! It turns out that's not the things you want that you can't have but that you didn't know what you wanted so how could you have it in the first place? Mary is restless, this was supposed to be her dream, she died for it and now she doesn't want it and she goes through another deep existential crisis (and, really, we all just get mary because seriously? any character named mary who's also a mother has too much fucking weight on her shoulder, just let the woman be). Sam is kinda okay with it, he once again refuses to get in touch with his emotions and flees from them like the plague: they're gonna make it work, they will find a way (i want to convey ross from friends vibes when he's like *in a squeaky voice* i'm fine! Here, that's sam in the AU). The guy lives in his delusion, this is his chance at being normal (and oh boy is he wrong, you'll see). Dean feels just bad, he's supposed to feel happy with his mother and his brother/son (the weird implications of this situation will be explored) but he keeps thinking about that little house by the sea (or was it a lake?) that cas bought as fucking jimmy novak and how the angel spent months there with kelly playing daddy and how the fucking angel played him and dean just went along and repaired his stupid truck as if to thank him for breaking his heart but also, also, dean will never admit it to anyone ever but deep down he knows, he knows, that that was his place, his angel, his chance (we will also have an explorations into the complex theme of mpreg with the due "Junior" references we all deserve and insights into dean's maternal insticts).

Now back to earth.

Kelly gives birth to a baby jack, cas lives with them to protect them from the angels and demons that will sure come for a visit (but once again he will end up being a total agent of chaos, you'll see), the angel is a bit of a mess, though, and his obsession with saving dean winchester is finally making kelly feel quite concerned with her life choices, maybe trusting this guy was a little bit insane, was he always this deranged? (We'll soon see why she thinks that, she might have a point). Meanwhile crowley goes back to hell and we once again have a cheap game of thrones situation (because why not? i can't come up with infinite original ideas to fix this plot, okay? Also this is still spn, i can condone SOME cheap storylines on the side, and anyway mark sheppard makes anything work so we're good) where his varys-like smart brain cells will put him on the throne again (who's this asmodeus guy anyway, prince of hell or not, fuck him, he will not stick around here for a second season while dagon died like after 2 episodes she was in, not gonna happened in my narrative). But, you see, the demon has his own issues, and goes visiting kelly and the angel because why not? He likes kelly she seems interesting enough for a person who birthed satan's son, escaped from a fucking angel of the lord, was kidnapped by a goddamn prince of hell, managed to baby trap said angel of the lord, stole the frigging impala and escaped that menace that the winchesters are. She then proceeded to give birth knowing she might have died. She is something. Something a bit unhinged maybe but crowley digs her, okay? He still also has varys-like smart brain cells so he needs to visit to make sure that baby lucifer is, like, not plotting to take over hell or whatever newborn babies half-made from cosmic entities do these days. Also, also, watching castiel putting baby jack to sleep with those big strong angel gym-bro arms did something to him, his daddy fetish and his mommy issues raised their head and something else too, and he foolishly promises to keep jack safe from hellish attacks and indulges castiel in his winchester obsession. What? He misses the brothers too, those handsome, tall, cruel white boys (we are reminded that, visually, the whole cas/kelly/jack situation is quite similar to the weird crowley/dean/amara thing of s11, mirrors and parallels need to keep happening people, this is spn, we gott have 'em). Castiel is living his tragic destiny yet again, he's seen the AU, has been there, technically knows that dean, sam and mary are safe but he just has to see it for himself, right? Like he has to make sure, it's not like dean not being there is eating him from the inside, it's not like he starts feeling the pang of guilt over the huge betrayal he's forced onto dean,leaving him left behind again and again and playing him that way, no. He copes by sitting in his stupid truck that dean had repaired listening to that damn tape (every time he does that we have a close-up of kelly watching the pathetic scene from her window and sighing as if in "fuck, FUCK, my life"). And oh, yes he also starts researching about archangel resurrection because i may or may not bring back my girls, aka raphael and uriel but this is for part 2, you'll see.

[laf-outloud]

“Are angels the same for all the universes? Which basically tells me that even if they did have Castiel on TW, it wouldn't be Misha.”

AU Apocalypse world Castiel in SPN was played by, wait for it, Misha. Of course it would have been Misha in TW too. Much like RSJ and Ruthie came back for their parts, even though their characters were AU versions.

Misha and Jensen both agreed that Castiel deserved more than just a cameo in TW. They’ve said so privately in M&Gs and in public. This seems a clear reference to what would have been a season 2 storyline or a future revival.

Jensen at Jib11: https://x.com/casisloved/status/1629794327613390849?s=46

Jensen at NolaCon: https://x.com/casplayedguitar/status/1642636981896093700?s=46

Misha mentioning that the “timing just didn’t quite work out”: https://x.com/casisloved/status/1633792394796621830?s=46

And in a Deadline article: “We did have conversations about Castiel rejoining the Supernatural universe for the end of this first season of The Winchesters but for various reasons, it didn’t work out. But Jensen [Ackles] and I are certainly open to it. We’ve had several conversations about it and would love to explore how to best do that in subsequent seasons of The Winchesters.” (https://deadline.com/2023/03/gotham-knights-misha-collins-harvey-dent-the-cw-supernatural-winchesters-castiel-1235283924/)

— saying that Castiel wouldn’t be in a revival or wouldn’t be played by Misha at any point just seems as delusional as Hellers thinking Destiel will become canon.

I see reading comprehension hasn't improved. I never said Castiel or Misha wouldn't be in a revival, just that he wouldn't be in TW. We all said that before the show even aired and hellers didn't believe us, yet looked what happened. No Misha. (And Misha's timing response is just a cover. If Ashley could shoot Walker and HIMYF at the same time, Misha could have appeared for a couple of days on TW. He wasn't even a main character on GK. Not to mention, the way he clings to the SPN fandom, he would have done everything he could to appear on the show if they asked him.)

Now, you're welcome to believe he'd be in S2 of TW, but I know pandering when I hear it and for actors whose income now relies heavily on SPN conventions, pandering is now the name of the game.

And if Misha as Cas is in any SPN reboot, it will be because Jared wants him there, not Jensen.

[mittensmorgul]

okay, i think at least one of my thoughts on this episode is beginning to congeal into something... Gabriel

and I’m gonna call him Gabriel for the sake of expediency, because I do think that’s who it is. let me explain.

first off, they name checked Tall Tales in a bit of throwaway dialogue. but I heard it. (i’ll rewatch tomorrow when it’s on the cw app and get the exact quote, but it was just weird enough as dialogue that it felt deliberately inserted there)

then there’s what we DO know about Gabriel’s timeline, mostly from things he himself said in canon. in 5.08:

You don't know anything about my family. I love my father, my brothers. Love them. But watching them turn on each other? Tear at each other's throats? I couldn't bear it! Okay? So I left. And now it's happening all over again.

I always believed he was referencing the ORIGINAL fight between Michael and Lucifer here, when Luci ended up crammed in the cage. That’s what he ran from. At the beginning of Humanity on Earth. And he’d been playing Loki for... look let’s call it at least thousands of years. And Loki? in 13.20:

GABRIEL: Oh, well… We were. A few thousand epochs ago, I was out for a hike in the fjords. Came across Loki bound in a cave, snake dripping venom into his eye. Ugh. Apparently, he had some spat with his pops. Anyhoo, I freed him. Saved his life. Then my real brothers started going at it. I wanted out. Loki owed me one, so… he helped me ditch Gabriel and become him. DEAN: So then you took on his whole… trickster vibe. SAM: What did Loki do while you were impersonating him? GABRIEL: Oh. Well, he had his own family drama to worry about. It was in his best interest to go off the grid for a while. DEAN: But you saw him in Monte Carlo. GABRIEL: Well, I needed someplace to hide. He'd already helped me the once.

So both of them were out and about. even if they were both staying off grid as it were. And I always assumed that Loki only came back out after he heard of Gabriel’s “outing” and “death”-- and Odin’s actual death-- in 5.19.

But circling back around to the Tall Tales reference... it took me a while to see how it could be Gabriel. He had two modes: hoist the deserving upon their own petard, and teach people he actually finds interesting lessons they need to learn. And weirdly... this turned out to be the latter. And it feels even more like an Important Lesson that needed to be learned with Chuck literally sitting in the backup band. Even if that was just supposed to be some random musical group, you know? In a meta way, that’s still Chuck.

(and the role even fit’s Chuck’s known history, thanks Robbie... playing all sorts of music clubs, just having relationships, etc., but that’s all really beside the point to this)

Gabriel... was playing pretty much the same game he did on Sam and Dean way back in 2.15. Like... exactly the game he’s always played on them right up until they finally caught him in 5.08.

Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always.

And that feels like the EXACT reason he would’ve taken an interest in Sam and Dean’s parents, too.

But also in all the episodes of spn that dealt with Trickster lore, and actual Loki lore, there was never a mention of a mirror. Or of being able to kill any of them with a shiny blade covered in blood and whatever spell they did. It was always a special stake. And Gabriel actually did eventually kill Loki... with a special wooden sword. Not a shiny blade.

So, why the deviation in lore? I know we’ve been asking this throughout The Winchesters, but this feels really important here, as well as having a potential explanation immediately to hand: that Gabriel set up all of it. He just wanted to play up close and personal with the Winchesters, maybe pass off a little lesson if he could. But also, regardless, it’s another nod to an angel in the series, and those are really beginning to pile up without actually showing us a real angel. And I’m entirely bemused by that on its own.

[youchangedmedestiel]

My thoughts just after finishing Supernatural

One year ago on this exact same day I finished SPN. I watched 15x18, 15x19 and 15x20 in a row. I just ate dinner between 15x18 and 15x19 (weird dinner). After watching episode 15x20, I wasn't that pissed off about the end. It changed now, because I got the time to think about it.

See, I knew Cas wouldn’t appear in the last two episodes, but somehow I still hoped that the deal with the Empty wasn’t the reason, because he deserved to be happy. As I progressed through season 15 I felt it coming, even though I was hoping until the last second. And when I got to episode 15x18, I understood that it was this deal that was going to kill him but I didn't know how. That confession scene destroyed me but anyway I went to eat my dinner while being destroyed and then I came back to SPN to watch the last two episodes, knowing I wouldn’t see Cas anymore.

Then came episode 15x19, I've read often that people prefer to ignore 15x20 and I can totally understand (Dean deserved to live free and happy), but 15x19 is NOT a satisfying ending for me, because Cas is still in the Empty (well maybe not, but we don’t know that yet) and I just can’t, he can’t stay there, dead, I can’t accept that.

This is what allows me to appreciate 15x20 a little bit. But it’s not the only reason, because in this last episode I spotted several empty bottles of alcohol in Dean’s room and you all know why. He misses Cas, for sure, at least it’s my headcanon because I need it. Plus, he doesn’t stay long alive after Cas’s death, there is no real timeline. He couldn’t ask Jack to bring him back because Jack told them he wouldn’t intervene anymore and left. So maybe their hopes to get Cas out without Jack were at zero. But I’m sure Dean searched in the bunker’s library when he had the time to before he died. He searched for a way to get Cas out. And then he died (unfortunately, it still hurts). 

Which brings us to episode 15x20. The end of SPN is “good” in a sense that Dean wanted Sam to have a life, a normal apple pie life, so it’s a happy ending for that, because he achieved his goal but HE DESERVED to have that too, for himself, that or anything he wanted, not only for his little brother but FOR HIM AS WELL. 

AND ABOUT CAS? Well about Cas, especially the crumbles we got with “Cas helped” I totally understand why people feel pissed about it, I kind of feel like that too now. But when I first saw this scene, I was happy to hear about Cas because I already knew he wasn’t in the last two episodes so I wasn’t going to be as disappointed as people that waited to see the episode when it aired.

We learn that Cas remade Heaven (with Jack’s help) to do a Heaven Dean deserves, and I - for me it was like Cas fucking succeeded to give Dean what he deserved. He not only saved his life multiple times, but also told him he loved him, made him believe that he did and gave him freedom (for a short amount of time, I’m really pissed about that for sure and I’m sure Cas is too, like he wasn’t expecting him so soon) but he also changed Heaven for him, to make one he deserved.

HE CHANGED THEE ENTIRE HEAVEN FOR THE MAN HE LOVES. I’m going to cry writing this, because that’s like the greatest love story ever told. And yes I would have done things differently, but I can’t and with what they gave us I do what I want. And we have an angel of the Lord, that rebelled against Heaven and that was dead, being back and building a new Heaven for Dean to enjoy eternity with the people he loved. He knew Dean was made of love and he needed a space to express it, and Cas gave it to him (with Jack of course) but damn *typing with tears in the eyes* that still hits me soooo damn hard. Because when someone love you enough to tell you they do without excepting something in return, sacrifice themselves while doing it without having an answer about whether their feelings are requited, and remake Heaven for you to have the afterlife/eternity you deserve, nothing can beat that. THIS here, this is what grabs my heart and clenches it every damn time. The greatest love story ever told. No one, NO ONE can change my mind.

[ltleflrt]

I was just wondering whether Dean's foreskin will be back when he gets healed by Cas, or if it should following canon logic(?)

Very weird and random question that came to mind. So I immediately had to ask you for your opinion lol

HAHA OKAY! I'm not sure why you thought of me for this, but it's a fun thought exercise, so I appreciate that you did 😆

I guess it depends on whether Dean was circumcised in the first place. There's a possibility he wasn't, although that is pretty rare for men born when he was. I am only a year younger than him and I didn't even know what a foreskin was until I was 19, and the first man I met who had one was from the UK. So, it's likely that Dean was circumcised.

Now, we know from canon that Dean's scars were gone, so Cas did some healies while rebuilding Dean. But I've always liked the headcanon that if Dean were trans, that Cas would have given him the male body he wanted during the rebuild, so I like to think that Cas took a peek to see if any of those scars were special to cis!Dean too. And most cis men would freak THE FUCK out if their dick were different. Dean didn't make a peep in canon, so I'm gonna assume that's a scar Castiel kept in place.

There's also the fact that the angels of SPN seem to be more Old Testament, and I think that circumcision was the norm among Jewish people, so Cas might have seen the circumcision and went "ah that's normal" and kept it.

Then again, if Dean weren't circumcised and Cas was like "oh I better fix this for him" and Dean woke up in a grave with a circumcised dick, it would be objectively hilarious to see how he would have reacted to that....

But I'm gonna go with, he was probably circumcised and Cas restored that for him. If not for Dean's comfort, then for old religious reasons 😁

[carryonlikewedidbefore]

Hi!

While perusing the lovely young Jensen photos you've shared, I noticed that you mentioned that you recently (?) found Radio Company and that's why you were sharing Jensen Ackles content. I gotta ask, did you know who he was before? And how did you learn about Radio Company? I'm just curious about how different people find themselves pulled into his orbit.

(For me it was Supernatural, although I knew him from his work on Dark Angel before that.)

Hey there!

Oh yeah I knew who he was, you don’t have a tumblr blog in the years 2011-2014 and not know who jackles is. I’d seen some of supernatural years ago, but he was Just Some Actor, no big deal (although I have always referred to him as illegally good looking) I’d even heard him sing (Angeles) but again I wasn’t fussed on it. Actually the first time I ever saw him was on the Australian show Good News Week and I always remembered how awkward that entire segment was. (Poor dude)

When I came back to tumblr a few years ago and after I started following a few spn blogs in the wake of 5 November I started hearing about Radio Company and knew they were somehow associated with Jensen but I didn’t think much beyond that until an IRL friend of mine who is a big spn fan mentioned them and said they seemed like my kind of thing.

That happened to be a couple of days before the city grown willow film clip got released. I watched that, and sounds of someday came on YouTube right after. That was about a minute in when I decided it was decent enough to buy the album, but genuinely not expecting much from it as I own a lot of actor-based albums and almost universally they’ve been “meh”.

30 seconds into cannonball I was in love. And unfortunately I’m a sucker for a good looking guy with musical talent so it was all over for me and I started looking to see what he’d done other than spn.

Then one day I found a blog that had young photos of him and when reading about the research that was going into it I reached out to jarchaeology to ask if she would be interested in some things that I could access as a librarian (not sure if this was before or after I tracked down a copy of his song from the Beatles soap sessions cd and sent it to her) and a beautiful friendship began.

And as for the slides etc… well I’m a Virgo librarian with a reasonably large disposable income. I like to collect. And of course I’m going to share them with jarchy because she put me onto it.

[basnatural]

Okay, buckle up guys, this is gonna be a long one…

So, a bit of a story time to start with. I went to like the last and only Birmingham UK Creation Con when it was over. I managed to get autographs with Jared and Jensen, and I was having a great time and living my best SPN life.

It came time to line up for the autos and I went to Jared’s line first. When I got to the front, much to my delight he was playing Bon Jovi as his signing music. I have been a major fan of Bon Jovi since Crush came out back in 2000, and Jared is my favourite so I just said “I love your music, dude,” he smiled, thanked me, signed my shit and I left happy.

Until I got to the front of Jensen’s line. Now one thing you need to know about me is that I am a total dork. I can’t speak to famous people and it is one of the main reasons I never want to meet any of my favourites in real life. Jared was clearly an anomaly. So I got to Jensen, and he was playing something almost techno. It wasn’t good, but I’m not a techno girl so the only thing that came out of my mouth was:

“His music’s better than yours.”

My brain is screaming at me, threatening me with imploding just to get out of the situation my stupid mouth had put me in. And Jensen just looked at me.

“What’s he playing?” he asks me. I’m beet red at this point. I’m surprised anything came out of my mouth to be absolutely honest with you.

“Bon Jovi,” I almost whispered, the words fighting past my brain who had apparently decided that I wasn’t allowed to speak properly for the rest of the weekend.

“Still?” He asks, and all I do is nod. And then he looks at his assistant and goes: “Put some Zeppelin on or something will ya, cos that’s the second person who’s told me that,” and then he smiled and I escaped.

So with all that being said, It was Jon Bon Jovi’s 61st birthday last week. And as well as this story living in my head rent free at all times and playing back on a continual loop, I also started to think about how Bon Jovi was a bit of a ‘guilty pleasure’ band when it came to Supernatural. From Dean making fun of Sam for checking in under the name Sambora (the original lead guitarist from Bon Jovi), to them singing Wanted in season 3…they were never seen as seriously as bands like AC/DC, Kansas and the like.

However, I made up a playlist of my favourite Bon Jovi songs the other day so I could relive my teenage years, and as I was listening to it, it was jarring to realise how many of the songs had lyrics which really spoke to the characters of Dean, Sam and Cas. It’s weird, but as I was listening to the songs all I could see was where they might slip into the storyline. It might be the fan fic writer in me (who am I kidding, it definitely is), but it’s all I could think of and now I want to share it all here. So we’ve got the name of the song, who I think it relates to, the album and a clip of lyrics that I think prove my point…enjoy!

1 – Runaway (Bon Jovi, 1984)

“All your life all you asked when your daddy gonna talk to you, but we’re living in another world, tryin’ to get your message through. No one heard a single word you said. They should have seen it in your eyes, what was going around your head…”

Well this is clearly pre-season 1 Sam. I see it as him trying to get it through to John about how he wanted something different from his life.

2 – You Give Love a Bad Name (Slippery When Wet, 1986)

“An angel’s smile is what you sell, you promise me heaven then put me through hell. Chains of love, got a hold on me, when passion’s a prison you can’t break free…”

I see this as a young Dean. Womanising, young, just sleeping through the lower 48…loving and leaving them really. A bit of an edge and dangerous with it too…you know exactly the person he changes from as Supernatural continues on

3 – I’d Die For You (Slippery When Wet, 1986)

“If you could see inside my heart, then you would understand, I’d never mean to hurt you, baby, I’m not that kind of man. I might not say I’m sorry, yeah I might talk tough sometimes, and I might forget the little things or keep you hangin’ on the line…”

So I would definitely say this was pretty much Dean’s personal anthem for Sam. I don’t think much more explanation is needed but this is literally Dean’s mantra when it comes to his baby brother. It shows that he is flawed but everything he is doing he does it for Sam. It may be a love song originally but the words really do ring true with brotherly love too.

4 – Bad Medicine (New Jersey, 1988)

“I ain’t got a fever, I got a permanent disease, it’ll take more than a doctor to prescribe a remedy, I got lots of money but it isn’t what I need, gonna take more than a shot to get this poison out of me. And I got all the symptoms, count em, one, two, three…”

Well if this isn’t just how Ruby got Sam hooked on Demon Blood?

5 – Born to be my Baby (New Jersey, 1988)

“Light a candle, blow the world away, table for two on a TV tray. It ain’t fancy baby, but that’s okay, our time, our way. So hold me close better hang on tight, buckle up baby it’s a bumpy ride, we’re two kids hitching down the road of life, our world, our fight…”

So I see this as a young Dean not knowing any nursery rhymes and singing this to Sam to get him to sleep when they were alone and John was out hunting…

6 – Keep the Faith (Keep the Faith, 1992)

“Father, father, please believe me, I am laying down my guns. I am broken like an arrow, forgive me, forgive your Wayward Son…”

Well taking the obvious quote out of the way…this is for Dean. About Dean.

7 – Hey God (These Days, 1995)

“Hey God, tell me what the hell is going on. It seems like all the good shit’s gone, It keeps on getting harder hangin’ on, but hey, hey, hey, hey God. There’s nights you know I wanna scream, these days you’re even harder to believe, I know how busy you must be, but hey, hey, hey, hey God, do you even think about me?”

So I’m seeing this as Season 4 and 5 Dean and even Cas a bit later on, when he starts to question Chuck’s plan. When they all think that Chuck is good and have no idea what his plan actually is for them all…

8 – These Days (These Days, 1995)

“I was walking around, just a face in the crowd, tryin’ to keep myself out of the rain. Saw a vagabond king with a Styrofoam crown wonder if I might end up the same. There’s a man out on the corner, singing old songs about change, everybody’s got their cross to bear these days…”

I have Castiel in my head, just been made newly human and been thrown out of the Bunker and abandoned by Dean and trying to get through his new life.

9 – It’s My Life (Crush 2000)

“It’s my life, it’s now or never, but I ain’t gonna live forever, I just want to live while I’m alive. My heart it’s like an open highway, like Frankie said ‘I did it my way’, I just wanna live while I’m alive…”

Is this Sam and Dean when they realise they are Michael and Lucifer’s vessels?

10 – Undivided (Bounce, 2002)

“I found spirit, they couldn’t ruin it, I found courage in the smoke and dust, I found faith in the sounds of silence, deep down it’s ringing out in each of us,”

Pretty much the entire undercurrent of the second half of the series. The way in which Cas and the Winchesters fight back each time against fate and what has been written for them.

11 – Everyday (Bounce, 2002)

“I used to be the kind of guy, who never let you look inside, I’d smile when I was crying, I had nothing but a life to lose, thought I had a lot to prove, in my life there’s no denying…”

This is exactly how Dean was in the beginning before his character growth. He had to be the strong fighter and not show any weakness at all (‘no chick flick moments’)

12 – Bounce (Bounce, 2002)

“Bounce, bounce, nothing’s gonna keep me down, bounce, bounce, stand up shout it out, bounce bounce, I play hard I play to win, count me out, count me in, I’ll be coming back again…”

This is Sam, Dean and Cas. Dead and out so many times but they always find a way to come back. And that’s why we love them

13 – Always (Crossroads, 1994)

“And I, will love you, baby, Always, and I’ll be there forever and a day, always. I’ll be there til the stars don’t shine, til the heavens burst and the words don’t rhyme, and I know, when I die, you’ll be on my mind and I’ll love you always…”

Well unlucky number thirteen and my last choice is for everyone’s favourite angel, Castiel. I don’t think I need to explain this one??

Anyway, here’s the link for the playlist with all of these on them and a few more that I love so have a listen if you’ve gotten this far and let me know what you think:

[whateverthedragonswant]

So I was thinking about this scene:

I've always talked about it from Dean's perspective (and sometimes from the Destiel perspective) but never from Cas'. I think the GA (and antis who claim this is a fanservice scene and nothing more) underestimate just how powerful this scene was for Cas' own story. The ILY aside, I think it's important to note just how full circle the angel's storyline came and how impactful that decision to include the bloody handprint really was.

When Cas first enters the story of SPN that we see (physically I mean), this scene happens:

Cas: "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."

Dean: "And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?"

Cas: "Good things do happen, Dean."

Dean: "Not in my experience."

Cas: "What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved."

Dean: "Why'd you do it?"

Cas: "Because God commanded it."

When Cas first rescues Dean from Hell, he has been commanded to do it. He's following orders. They have "work" for Dean to do aka an ulterior motive. And as we see here, Dean as always, believes he doesn't deserve to be saved (which we find out why in this particular instance later) and that good things don't just happen which momentarily confuses Castiel.

Dean: "Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?"

Cas: "Yes. When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to Hell. And we fought our way to get to you. Before you--"

Dean: "Jump started the apocalypse."

Cas: "We were too late."

Dean: "Why didn't you just leave me there then?"

Cas: "It's not blame that falls on you, Dean. It's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it."

Dean: "Lucifer, the apocalypse, what does that mean? Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean?"

Cas: "I don't know."

Dean: "Bull!"

Cas: "I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you."

Dean: "Then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alistair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not--I'm not strong enough. I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me."

In this scene, it's after Alistair got out of the Devil's trap and attacked Dean, after telling Dean that he started the apocalypse by breaking the first seal. Cas reveals that the reason they went into Hell to rescue him was to prevent the first seal from being broken which would knock over apocalyptic dominoes. But they were too late. And Dean makes a good point: why didn't they just leave him there then? Considering what we know about how angels sometimes operate in this story, it would make sense if they chose to do something like that but Cas rescues Dean anyway. Which we know Cas was the one not only because he says it but also because when Dean is resurrected, we see this:

Which is further verified by what happens to Pamela when she touches it. She's able to communicate with Castiel directly (a la Amara with Casifer being able to connect to Dean but I won't digress) and we know her eyes burn when she attempts to spy on his true visage.

Now if we go back to the 15x18 scene above, we get:

Dean, Sam, Cas, and Jack are currently locked in a battle with Chuck and reclaiming their free will after they discover he's been the bad guy all along -> "Lucifer, the apocalypse" from 4x16

Dean and Cas are currently being chased down by Billie aka Death who is intent on killing Dean once and for all so he can go back to where she believes he belongs (and she had a plan in place to take care of Chuck and how Dean would play a part in it besides Jack and Sam) -> aka "Lilith's plan" & Alistair and Co getting Dean to break the first seal from 4x16

Cas is helping Dean to get away, rescuing him from what would have been a gruesome death -> Cas rescues Dean from Hell from 4x01 & 4x16

Dean feeling defeated when he and Cas are locked in the room (that has a Devil's trap in it btw) that Billie is trying to get into -> Dean telling Cas that they shouldn't rely on him to stop the Apocalypse & it's too big for him because he is suffering from guilt and self-doubt from 4x16

Dean: "Everybody's gonna die, Cas. Everybody. I can't stop it. She's gonna get through that door."

Cas: "I know."

Dean: "And she's gonna kill you. And then she's gonna kill me. I'm sorry."

If you take this dialogue and these two performances in this moment and compare it to the 4x16 hospital scene, you have a very similar event or theme happening here. The only differences are Cas' reaction (we see he is more greatly affected this time around which is due to their familiarity with one another and the development of their characters and relationship as well as the show evolving, season 4 was still considered to be the "horror show"), Dean while still hopeless is accepting of the inevitable & is not shutting Cas out. Instead he moves closer rather than looks away like he does in 4x16, letting out the one tear. Not that he wasn't vulnerable with Cas in 4x16, but the whole performance from Jensen while being different in its own ways is also quite similar to that scene.

While Cas saved Dean from Billie in the moment & warded the door to keep them alive that much longer (with his own blood but more on that in a moment), he comes up with a plan to stop Billie entirely that will save Dean but also cause his own death. Thus, he is going to rescue Dean while laying down his own life.

Cas: "When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him."

Dean: "You what?"

Cas: "The price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness, The Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever."

Dean: "Why are you telling me this now?"

Cas: "I always wondered when I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want, it's something I know I can't have. But I think I know...I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it."

Dean: "What are you talking about, man?"

Cas: "I know...I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken, your'e Daddy's blunt instrument. And you think that hate and anger, that's...that's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, but I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean."

Dean: "Why does this sound like a goodbye?"

Cas: "Because it is. I love you."

Dean: "Don't do this, Cas. Cas..."

Cas: "Goodbye, Dean."

Dean: "What?"

So not only does Cas address Dean's anger which has been a series-long issue that really was brought to the forefront the most it's ever been in season 15 (meaning the anger is fueling Dean's desperation which is now part of the main theme of the season), but he also saves him from his own personal Hell. While also setting Dean up to do what he does in the next episode when it comes to facing down Chuck and the decision he makes (along with Sam) not to kill him and give him what he wanted. What Alistair, Lilith, and Hell always thought he was. What their enemies (like Chuck) always thought about Dean. What he himself thought.

And the bloody handprint happens in the moment The Empty enters the room on one side and Billie breaks through the door on the other side (when the wards Cas put up in his own blood to protect Dean from Billie don't hold up anymore; yes, Cas used his own blood to protect Dean, the significance of that is just so...I don't even know how to put it into words):

Cas throws him against the wall, out of the way, so he can be physically safe from both supernatural forces. So he not only saves his soul so to speak, he also saves his life.

And what's important about this scene and the way it went down/was written is that while yes, it parallels how Cas rescued Dean from Hell, it also brings his story full circle in a very beautiful way (not just his relationship or profound bond with Dean). Cas chose to do this. He chose to speak those three little words to summon The Empty, ensuring his own death, but also confessing to Dean how he really feels with no expectations. All to save Dean.

So he did what he had entered the story to do in the beginning, but this time, Cas exercised his own free will to save the man he loved while also setting up said man to not only defeat Chuck but also to save the world. Something that Dean himself chooses to do while exercising his own free will (which is another reason why 15x20 makes no sense).

So that bloody handprint, whoever came up with it on the day or if it was in the script (I can't remember which), that was a moment of pure genius because physically it helps pull this whole scene and Cas' story together even more. Cas is commanded to save Dean from Hell, leaves a burned-in handprint on his shoulder. Cas chooses to save Dean from Death (and himself), leaves his own bloody handprint on his shoulder.

As much as I hated Cas dying for the longest time and I didn't understand why Misha was so happy with that ending for his character (despite the parallels), I now get it. Cas' story had come full circle. He exercised the free will that he had not only earned but was given when he changed thanks to knowing Dean, way before Jack entered the picture. That's development, folks. And it was exemplified in the most beautiful way possible. He got to choose when to summon The Empty and why. He got to choose to save Dean one more time but this time of his own volition (though I would argue he may have chosen to save Dean's soul pre-4x01 despite the latter having started the apocalypse). But this scene from beginning to end is HIS choice. The circumstances and time pressure may be present but he could have tried to find another way to get them out of there or he could have lived (because I don't see how Billie could have killed him, he's an angel and The Empty purposely wanted him to be happy and then collect him so even if Billie got all stabby stabby, The Empty would have probably sent him back because it wouldn't be satisfied), but no. He made the choice to utilize this deal that Dean knew nothing about in order to save Dean once again.

And sure enough, in 15x19 we see:

Chuck is defeated. Dean had his free will all along (as did Sam). Jack is now the new God, which also brings another portion of Cas' story full circle and he helped to bring about. While Dean obviously misses Cas, he is able to stand on his own and make this decision himself without Heaven or Hell whispering into his ear or trying to affect the outcome. This is Dean Winchester exercising his free will (that he never really lost like he feared which is also important for the whole John/Chuck convo that we'll save for another time).

So for those who say Castiel wasn't an important character in the series or in relation to Dean (or Sam or Jack) or that the 15x18 scene was fanservice or pandering, you are incredibly wrong. Castiel proved to be instrumental in not only Dean's story line (as well as the other two) but also to the ending of the mythology altogether as well as the end of the series. The end of 15x19 looks like the exact way it's supposed to (minus them planning to break Cas out of The Empty & calling up Eileen & Jack still hanging with his fam = Winchesters 2.0 getting a better and more sensical ending that they had earned, especially in relation to Winchesters 1.0). The way Cas exited the story mirrored the way he entered, with a few slight differences. And like I said above, that's called development and it was illustrated in the most beautiful way possible while also giving one of the original members of Team Free Will the earned right to exercise theirs.

[autisticandroids]

gonna put my director's commentary under a cut because it's crazy long

first of all. i would like to thank @restlesshush for jack stuff, @davidfosterwallaceandgromit for pointing out the concept and coining the phrase "angel conflict resolution skills", @an-android-in-a-tutu, @pregstiel, and @hauntedpearl for being relentless cheerleaders, and @hauntedpearl and @restlesshush also for getting on my ass to add subtitles.

so. this video. lots of things. the first thing i want to say is that this video really... exists in relation to, or in the context of, four other videos.

the first is my pretty little head video. this is actually the most direct link because like... a few weeks after i made that video i decided i just fucking hated it. like i was not satisfied with what i had managed to convey. it was too unfocused, it wasn't doing what i wanted it to. which is a tall order, because what i wanted it to do was... convey my entire cas thesis. also, frankly, i got better video editing software after i made it and am now kind of embarrassed at how out of rhythm it is due to the vicissitudes of my old software.

but anyway, as a result of this dissatisfaction, i actually came up with this (love club) video concept and started outlining it, in september of 2021. if you're counting that's literally more than a year and a half ago. it's been sitting in my brain and my google docs ever since. i essentially invested so much emotional energy in this one video that i was both too intimidated technically to make it and also worried it wouldn't come out right, which is why i didn't make it for a year and a half. but i'm pretty happy with how it came out! part of the problem was that i was simply trying to put too much into one video, which leads me to...

this video to your love is a drug, which is like. a kind of spiritual companion to the love club video. i made it essentially out of plans i had for the love club video that weren't working out? like, it's crucial to show the hypnotically pleasurable nature of cas' experience in order to make a discussion on cas' tendency towards falling into cults and authoritarian and abusive situations work. and while the second verse of the love club video does kind of do that? there's not enough focus on it. so i did a whole separate video on the topic. ideally they should be watched together i think. and i guess i should actually commentate that video a little before going further.

#spn#vid#i may come back and reblog with some meta but for now. director's commentary in the tags#this one is pretty straightforward. it's even MORE straight forward if you've seen my pretty little head amv#since this is basically 'pretty little head amv [cheerful version]'#anyway. this is MOSTLY about cas being in love with dean. but there's some stuff in there about like cas accepting dean as his god#and like why that happened. obviously cas is kind of an unreliable narrator here he's not exactly thinking straight#so there's a lot of stuff here that's about the narrative cas tells himself. which isn't necessarily or even likely to be true#so like for example the reason he accepted dean as his god was bc of like. godstiel trauma basically. and he really hasn't unpacked that#anyway the other slightly more complex theme in here is that cas looooves that dean is a serial killer <3#cas voice you hurt people? you hurt people for me? you hurt other people and then you treat me so tender? [tongue emoji]#of course cas is wrong in assuming that dean is only interested in hurting OTHER people. but cas' secret weapon is of course#that he doesn't care. he'll get off on that too. cas can get off on anything#anyway the last three hours of me editing this were basically just like.#god this show is so ugly *turns saturation sliders all the way up* he's in love bitch let's get you some COLORS#also there's a secret prank hidden in this video which is of course that the song (your love is a drug by puffy) has the same guitar riff#as that one direction song. the famous one. but your love is a drug came first so.#oh and special thanks to pallas leo elisabeth cy and the cas whump chat. all of whom consulted on this video#also did you guys enjoy the sam live slug reaction moment. i enjoyed it.

^those are the original tags. the your love is a drug video is fairly straightforward in that it's mostly, essentially, dean touching cas and cas enjoying it in various ways, or just dean behaving in ways that spin cas' head (mostly either affectionately or violently; sometimes both). but there's a few moments i want to draw attention to.

first of all there's a throughline about cas' season five/six crisis of faith; it goes from on the head of a pin "i still serve god" to his theologically mediated hangover in 99 problems to his self-destructiveness in point of no return. i used to see the world as dark is him calling god a son of a bitch in dark side of the moon intercut with the eventual distant result of that development, the carnage of meet the new boss. now everyday the sunshine's in my heart over honey cas, when cas' response to trauma was to drown himself in false happiness (and this is also the start of his habit of desperately flinging himself into following any order or higher power he can; more on i saw the route of flowers later). you lift me up as dean literally supporting his weight at the end of meet the new boss, standing in as a symbol of how post-godstiel cas eschews agency and allows dean (and others as well, but this video is about his relationship with dean) to make his decisions for him because he no longer trusts himself, or at least, he no longer trusts himself to set wider goals.

and then there's a few other moments that i feel like need pointing out. make my worries obsolete over cas' initial rebellion is absolutely about the fact that cas is willingly sacrificing himself there, he's willingly dying (and the fact that the reason he's willing isn't really rational, he was knock[ed] off his feet) which matters because that's also like. a theme in this love club amv.

then of course there's the way in your love is a drug cas recontextualizes cruelty through the pleasure he gains from it. dean is awful to cas in holy terror (and immediately before it), but also dean smiled at him in that bar and that's all that sticks. we've talked to death the shitty nature of dean's apology in the trap, but that's another one in here, all is forgiven in the end because dean hugged him. (there's also all of the violence but that's more complex; while that is cas being harmed and forgiving dean the harm, there is something appealing about the violence as itself) this is also the purpose of i know i'll never shake the stuff over dean showing up in heaven can't wait: this is the point where cas realizes it's just... impossible to hold anything against dean. dean will always come back and sweep him off his feet and put cas back on the whirlygig no matter what. and he really stops trying. in order to maintain his relationship with dean he just starts forgiving him everything. and this is a post season nine development. dean can hurt cas as much as he wants and cas chooses not to hold it against him or really integrate it at all because it would mean losing this his most important relationship. and because he will reap the dubious rewards. and because, well, dean will sweep him off his feet anyway so why try?

anyway. all of that is important because it's all stuff that's theoretically relevant to the love club amv but not the focus of it, which is why these two videos are kind of a pair. like, if you look at my intro to the love club amv it's a list of times dean hurt cas and then a list of times dean touched him; cas also experiences the pleasures of affection in the cult in the second verse and experiences being expected to sacrifice himself in the first chorus and being betrayed in the second. but that's not really what the video is about. while those are inevitable results of invitation into the winchester family cult, the tragedy of the love club video is about other stuff. so the your love is a drug video is kind of a necessary supplement. like, it is necessary to understand that cas' experience here is both ecstatic and hypnotic, you know?

anyway. the third video that this video is deeply interrelated with isn't mine. it's spn angels | runs in the family by snooglyshnork on youtube. obviously. like, this and the pretty little head video and the your love is a drug one are all... in a way they're my attempt to put my own spin on that video, you know? like obviously i'm saying different stuff or there would be no point in not just... rewatching the runs in the family amv. but there is a meaningful sense where all these videos, taken together, really are just my spin on that video more than anything else.

the fourth video is, well. this one. i feel like the connection is obvious. but like one of the most striking things @restlesshush has ever said to me is that that video inserts subtext into that scene that is not present in the original text. in the original scene cas is horrified but there is no implication of his guilt. he asks naomi for an apology for trying to lobotomize him, and like. yeah she shouldn't have done that but it's insane that the first thing cas thinks of is that and not his own complicity in the extinction of his species, you know? like honestly, i'm not inclined to blame cas. most of that was done either not-as-himself really, or in genuine self-defense because the first reaction of angels to any kind of disagreement is murder (because due to living absolutely authoritarian lives and having any experience of making actual choices (i.e. disobedience) wiped from their brains so they can't learn from it, they have no framework for dissent). but like. that's not how cas sees it. he should blame himself. he doesn't really have a solid framework of why things are his fault (...which is one of the reasons for a lot of his problems), he just does stuff and then it goes bad and he blames himself, even though it's frequently a result of factors outside his control. (hell, honestly i think cas would willingly submit to lobotomy, might even be absolutely ecstatic about it, if it wasn't for the fact that naomi made him kill other angels and tried to make him kill dean. like. cas WANTS to have his self and individuality obliterated and his choices taken away. that's his dream. he craves brainwashing. the problem is that he could not get with naomi's goals). and it's dumb and ooc that he didn't do it in funeralia. so this video kind of adds that back in.

anyway, now that that introduction is over with we can finally like... actually talk. about this video i just made.

so i've talked to death the subject of cas and angels and cults. and so have other people. but i wanna talk about specifics.

first i kinda wanna talk about naomi? or, you know. gush. gush about naomi. because i'm obsessed with her. because the thing about naomi is she is, to me, very genuinely tragic.

like, i used her in this video as a synecdoche for heaven's control. which is, you know, it's an obvious choice. but i do think it fits, and most crucially i think naomi and her relationship to heaven is a really solid parallel for dean and his relationship to the winchester family. which is relevant given that dean is the emblem for the winchester family cult i'm using.

like, supernatural is in many ways a show about headless bodies. and i think heaven and the angels are maybe the best example of this. because like... the thing is, they're just doing what they think god would want them to do. but he is gone. like, the archangels' relationship to god is to either do what they think he would want (michael; raphael, but there's another layer with him which is that he is also doing what michael would want/would do in michael's absence; lucifer is just doing the opposite of what god would want), or flop around like headless chickens (what lucifer does post-s11 without god's disapproval to guide him; gabriel's total disengagement and hedonistic passivity). and the power structure of heaven basically all just exists to facilitate that. like, all the other angels exist to follow michael and raphael's orders. but then of course in season eight there are no archangels left and heaven is tearing itself apart. and it was always going to, because of the kind of absolute authoritarianism that naomi helps prop up. and naomi's goal is really just... to hold things together. to keep things normal. she, too, is not really working towards her own goals and interests. she isn't the queen, she's the high priestess, just like michael and raphael. she isn't working towards her own goals, she's working towards the goals of a mysterious leader who isn't even present. like, she may be one of the highest authorities left in heaven post-s7, but that's not how she wants it. she doesn't want power, she wants the machine to keep running the way it's supposed to. she's a technician. and she's trying to keep angel society as it was functioning. in many ways, she is right! theoretically if naomi could keep things running indefinitely, she could save a lot of angel lives, and keep them happy and well-adjusted, too, if your definition of happy and well-adjusted includes having no doubts or individuality and being well-lobotomized. but the thing is, she can't keep things running indefinitely because that kind of absolute authoritarianism is inherently unstable. the level of control and violence it requires is not indefinitely maintainable. it's bound to collapse sooner or later, and then in the aftermath the angels will have none of those wonderful useful skills like conflict resolution or making choices that you get from being allowed a certain amount of conditional training-wheels freedom before just being released onto the world free to do what you will. and it will be a blood bath.

and i think that's a solid parallel to dean. because in many ways, dean is a headless body. he doesn't maintain authoritarian control of his family because he wants something from it, he does it because that's how things are supposed to be. he's not trying to get anything out of it except maintaining a kind of stability and order in which he is as much a subject as everyone else. he is not the king, he's the high priest of the cult of john winchester. just because john is dead and gone doesn't mean that dean can stop maintaining it. like naomi, he maintains the cult for its own sake. the purpose of the cult is self-reproduction, nothing else. dean has no goals except maintenance of the status quo. he too is a technician.

which is why i used naomi as the face of the angel cult in this video, and why i placed her dialogue against dean's dialogue/dialogue about dean ("i fixed you" vs. "you used to be human" and "i'll find some way to redeem myself to you"). because they serve similar roles.

this is also, by the by, why i had naomi mouth the word "love" in my mother's love is choking me (while in the show she's saying "hold still"). because she does love them. the angels. in her way.

next point. "i saw the route of flowers. it's all right there, the whole plan, there's nothing to add." honey cas is like. that whole situation is one of the reasons cas is so very vulnerable to being in a cult. he rejects agency, because as an agent he has ruined everything. he lives under the weight of absolute, crushing guilt. and so being nothing more than a cog in a machine is soothing to him. at his lowest, at the end of season seven and the beginning of season eleven, cas leans towards absolute passivity. when he collapses, this is how he falls: into total nonfunction. making choices becomes an impossible horror, both because it's just not something he's used to, and because he can never trust himself to make correct ones (because his choices always just seem to turn out poorly). so in season seven, he removes his ability to choose to dole out violence entirely, and in season eleven, he simply fully collapses in on himself and stops being able to do anything. and this leads to him desperately seeking out an authority figure, any authority figure, to make his choices for him. which is one of the reasons he's in cults. and of course, the cults are part of the reason why he doesn't trust himself in the first place; cas, i know you try to be a good guy, okay, i do, you try says dean. after everything you did, to us, to heaven. i fixed you, castiel. i fixed you! says naomi. but this is a vulnerability that exists in cas outside of intentional attempts to play on it. and it is in the end a result of his experiences as part of the heaven cult - the reason he relates to choice in this way is partly a result of the unspeakable guilt of godstiel arc, but that in itself is kind of the result of the inevitable collapse of heaven, which is a result of heaven's authoritarian nature. and the way cas processes it happens because he has spent his life as a drone without choice up until he had a glut of it. like he doesn't really have the skill at making choices and regulating his emotions that would allow him to look at the situation rationally, because he just doesn't have the experience. he has, functionally, four or five years of existing as an individual under his belt at that point (because any other experience has been lobotomized out of him). it's not much to go on.

(i also quite enjoyed the double meaning of the line. get out your maps and papers find out your hiding places again. the route of flowers and all it stands for: the will of god, external deterministic control, non-agency, all of those are a kind of map. but they are also, for honey cas, primarily a hiding place. he hides in them from his guilt and anguish.)

i also want to talk about cas and the hive. obviously i always want to talk about cas and the hive it's my favorite topic. but it really is relevant. a crucial element of cas' vulnerability to being in a cult is his desire to be reabsorbed into the hive. like, this is why i included the dragonfly eye of group mind line from 5x04. endverse cas is in many ways replacing the communion of heaven. he wants an absolute communion, no self, no boundaries, he will eat the whole world to make it a part of him. and that's what he gets out of being involved in the kinds of intense relation that dean gives him: absolute communion. of course, it's also sexual; part of my argument in this video in fact is that the appeal of the winchester family cult over the heaven cult is that it's got individual, hedonistic, embodied pleasures. people are nice to him, they're affectionate with him, they touch him. at the same time there is also explicitly sexual pleasures: he kisses meg, has homoerotic experiences with dean, watches crowley seal a deal with a kiss. (this is why take the pill, make it too real is over cas' grace vampirism and also him examining his body in meet the new boss and lazarus rising: these are the horrors and consequences of embodiment, wrapped up with the horrors and consequences of guilt). but yeah. like, when endverse cas is talking about the dragonfly eye of group mind, he has lost the communion of heaven. he is also about to have an orgy. they are intertwined. they are the same.

i also want to talk about my specific choice to use anna and uriel a lot in the first verse. with anna, that's partly because she was kind of... the first authority figure cas tries to get to be his leader. there's a reason i used the scene where cas says "i don't know what to do. please tell me what to do." and anna says "like the old days? no, i'm sorry. it's time to think for yourself" over what about the kid? / it's time the kid got free. and of course there's the dean/anna kiss and its relation to cas' sexual awakening. but anna and uriel both also serve a different role, which is that they're examples of other rebellious angels. like, the most interesting thing about the angel stuff in season four is that we see three rank and file angels. and all three of them turn against heaven in different ways. it's like rebellion is inevitable. every angel is a potential cas. in fact, cas is the least rebellious of the three! season four is about cas teetering on the edge of disobedience, while anna and uriel have both already toppled over. and uriel is actually also a great example to put cas against because cas is more similar to uriel than anna. anna falls for her own freedom; cas changes his allegience like uriel. this is one of the reasons why i included uriel's our father! in the dialogue mashup. like, i just want to put some dialogue from on the head of a pin in here:

CASTIEL: The murders. Maybe they aren't demonic. Sam Winchester said the demons had nothing to do with it.

URIEL: If not the demons, what could it be?

CASTIEL: The will of heaven. We are failing, Uriel. We are losing the war. Perhaps the garrison is being punished.

URIEL: You think our father would—

CASTIEL: I think maybe our father isn't giving the orders anymore. Maybe there is something wrong.

and then later:

URIEL: Not murders, Castiel. No. My work is conversion. How long have we waited here? How long have we played this game by rules that make no sense?

CASTIEL: It is our father's world, Uriel.

URIEL: Our father? He stopped being that, if he ever was, the moment he created them. Humanity, his favorites. This whining, puking larva.

CASTIEL: Are you trying to convert me?

URIEL: I wanted you to join me. And I still do.

like this goes crazy right? in terms of themes? you agree. like, uriel asks cas to join him, in the same way cas asks anna to guide him. they're much more similar than they are different.

so i've just learned that tumblr has link limits. click here to read the rest.

SAM: Well, you know, sometimes families do better after a little time apart. DEAN: Yeah, who? The Mansons?

[youtube with subtitles] [youtube without subtitles]

a meditation on cas and cults. the starting point and the ending point. angels and winchesters. love and affection and family and the twisting of it. the invitation to destroy yourself, and the appeal of being absolutely subsumed.

(x)

[ananke-xiii]

My ranking of SPN seasons (based only on their PLOT) pt. 4 [final]

OKAAAAAY, LEEEEET'S GO!

Here, here and here I've covered from ranking #15 to #4 so let's see which seasons will be on the podium!

3. Season 8: This season really gave me life, it's absolutely one of the best. Plot-wise, I ADORED the introduction of the tablets and the Trials, whoever came up with this idea was pure genius. So Basically our heroes have to deal with the aftermath of the events in season 7: Dean has spent 1 year fighting monsters in Purgatory while Sam run away from his responsibilities and has found shelter in the arms of a woman. Cas seems nowhere to be found. The character who moves the plot forward is my beloved Crowley: while Dean was feeling pure in Purgatory with this vampire boyfriend (ihih), and Sam was guitl-trapped into adopting a dog (seriuosly? biggest red flag ever), our King of Hell was busy carrying the show on his shoulders. He kidnaps Kevin and orders him to translate the demon tablet. Since he's not stupid, he quickly understands that 1 leviathan table + 1 demon tablet = 1 angel tablet. Consequently, his quest for the latter begins. After 1 year of hedonism, our heroes realize that they had left poor Kevin behind while an astonished Castiel comes out of nowhere. The plot gets interesting. We find out that the demon tablet contains information on how to close the Gates of Hell. Comedy of error ensues since literally everybody thinks that the angle tablet would contain the same info as the demon tablet (really, guys? The ONLY smart person in the room about this was DEAN, as per usual). So what's written on the angel tablet? Surprise! We don't really know 'cause poor Kevin spent 6 effing months trying to translate half of the demon tablet so there's now way to know now! Cas makes the usual stupid choice and gets played by Metatron: he will undergo the Three Trials to close the Gates of Heaven. Meanwhile poor Sam undergoes the Trials to close the Gates of Hell. Eventually, Dean convinces him to stop the last trial otherwise he will die and poor Dean cannot live without his baby brother (same goes for little jealous Sam who, while literally dying, finds time to tell Dean that he feels left behind because Dean seems to love his Purgatory vampire and his trenchoated angel more than him (codependecy level: atomic)). Metatron fools everyone and cast a spell to make all angels fall. BOOM, season finale is EPIC. I really really enjoyed this season, it was so rich and full of turns of events but everything was coherent and engaging. What I didn't like is brainwashing Cas via Naomi. Plot-wise, it was unnecessary since Naomi literally reveals her original plan to Dean after episode 17 so, what was the point? Sure it gave us the memorable crypt scene and for it I am forever grateful. But in terms of plot, meh. It was weak. Also, it looks a lot like what happened with Godstiel in season 6 AND weird Cas in season 7 (poor Cas knows no peace of mind, literally).Once again Cas as a character is not fully in control and makes shitty decisions for reasons unknown? Mmmmh, me not likey.

2. Season 4: This season was explosive, I fucking loved it! First of all, as I've already said, I like when there's sort of a deadline in the plot and here we have a big one: Lilith is on her course to open the 66 seals that will free Lucifer from his cage. Problem is: nobody knows which ones she will choose since there are like 600 of them. Sam and Dean try to prevent the opening of the seals but things get complicated when the Angels enter the arena: they certainly look more like enemies rather than allies and for sure cause a lot of problems more than provide solutions. Previosly on Supernatural, Dean was rescued by Castiel from Hell (what an epic entrance, Cas!!!) after having spent 30 human years torturing and being tortured by demons, yay! Sam is now addicted to demon blood and nobody is pleased about it so our heroes have plenty on their plate. Plot-wise, this season was everything, it was a rollercoaster of turns of events, allies that become enemies, enemies become allies but wait no! they've been enemies all along! Castiel inadvertently changes the course of the story and creates real free will, Supernatural goes fully meta with the introduction of the Supernatural books by Chuck Shurley, angels are showed as scary, powerful creatures rather than comforting, merciful, ethereal beings ("Read the bible" LOL)... Man, what a fucking epic season! It felt serious but also carefree? It seems weird to say that but later on SPN gets increasingly tragic in tone so I'm very pleased with season 4 because it managed to balance everything out but with a lighter twist.

Season 11: while I was writing this, I was not sure which season would be number 1 but here I am, once again, in love with the plot of season 11. What can I say? "I'm a lover, not a fighter". So, the plot: the Winchester Bros Codependency Inc. has reached catastrophic levels: they are the ones to be thanked for the release of The Darkness into the world. The first interesting thing is that, for the first time ever, nobody really seems to know what to do. Thank God, there's the King of Hell (LOL) who promptly seizes the opportunity to take Amara and raise her hoping this would turn the events in his favours. However, he's unable to control her and soon Amara escapes wreacking havoc in the world. Not knowing what to do, Castiel decides to find Metatron, while Sam decides to go back into the Cage because he believes that Lucifer might be key to fighting Amara. Chaos ensues. Metatron doesn't really know shit, Lucifer same but he manages to escape via Castiel!vessel and we get Casifer (it was insane, I loved every minute of it!), the world is in shambles. A deus ex machina is needed: God/Chuck enters the chat. From here on, it all gets very philosophical and maybe that's why I frigging love this season. So, remember the Winchester Bros Codependency Inc.? Well, turns out Amara and God suffers from the same syndrome. They manage to (momentarily) find their balance while Dean (who had a bond with Amara because they both shared the Mark of Cain or whatever) decides to go to battle alone to convince Amara to stop or, if not possible, to die trying to save the world. And Sam Winchester is finally okay with this! Wow, progress, yes, right??? All ends so well that Amara gifts Dean with his friggin' mother who was dead 30+ years ago! Happy ending, much? LOL. I liked the simplicity of the plot, it's all very progressive, the pacing is slow but never boring, all characters still continue to make stupid choices but ultimately these don't bite them in the ass and they use them to grow... I don't know, I really enjoyed season 11. The only "negative" thing is that I wish the writers made Dean tell Cas something more meaningful than "you're our brother". Tons of metas have been written about it and yeah, I know, I know. Still, this season was all about "following the heart" so I'd have appreciated more honesty about this topic but hey, we all know how it ended so #nosurprise.

Okay, I'm done here! What do YOU think? Do you agree with my ranking? I'm curious, let me know!

[michaelmilligan]

So I wrote a follow-up to this ficlet which sees Michael revived in the secret good SPN that lives in my head, aka 'if I ignore 15x20 hard enough, it's as if it never happened'. Anyway, since there's been thoughts around here lately about how Michael would find Adam again... here's my take.

After getting out of Heaven, there was only one problem for Michael.

How was he going to find Adam?

He couldn't locate his soul, because his body was branded with a sigil to keep him hidden from prying eyes. It had already been branded into his rips when Michael had possessed him, which had worked well for not getting located through his vessel.

Now it was Michael's undoing, because even he was locked out of knowing Adam's location.

… Fuck.

Okay, logical thinking. Where would he be? Where would Adam have gone?

Windom.

Of course! Quickly, Michael flew to the small town Adam had grown up in. Only few people lived there, not even five thousand, so finding Adam would be-

Impossible.

He had been sweeping down towards the city centre, but the blood-curdling (if one had blood) screams of some of the citizens stopped him. Right. He was in his True Form. There was no way he could go among the humans unnoticed, or even without potentially killing someone.

… Adam would be mad if Michael killed people in his home town. (Except for Brandon Johnson, who had been 'a total asshole' during Adam's youth, but that was beside the point. Michael couldn't just go into town and search for Adam.)

Abruptly, he turned away, leaving behind a crowd of very confused, but at least mostly unharmed people. They'd only caught a glimpse of him, still from rather far away, so while the sudden bright light on such a dreary day had been startling (not to mention the shape of the light, and all the eyes), the humans would be fine.

As Michael gathered himself near to some storm clouds, though, a chilling revelation came to him: He needed a different vessel.

If he was to find Adam and speak to him, he first needed a human body so he could walk the Earth. A body other than Adam's.

The idea was appalling.

While Adam hadn't been his first vessel, all his previous possessions had been extremely short. And the idea of co-habiting with anyone other than Adam was frankly repulsive.

But it could be his only option.

Except no, it was not! Angels could enter humans' dreams, and since Adam wasn't fuelled by archangelic grace anymore, he would need to sleep. That meant dreams through which Michael could communicate with him.

… It also meant waiting until Adam was, hopefully, presumably, asleep.

It was nowhere near night time yet, at least not in Windom. Then again, Adam might not be there. While it had been his home town, he had also been missing, even presumed dead, for more than ten years. This was what had stopped them from going there together, before Michael's death – Adam had feared people might freak out or that they would ask too many questions.

Besides, he'd said, his mom wasn't there, and most of his friends had moved away to college. So what reason did he have to return, except the obvious nostalgia he harboured for the place?

So maybe he was somewhere else. Somewhere nice, like he'd always talked about. Somewhere not too warm, but where you also didn't freeze your balls off in the winter. (Adam's words. Michael didn't get cold.)

Michael still had no idea where that could be, though. In all their travels around the globe, Adam had never once complained about it being too hot or too cold, so he had no frame of reference for that. Of course, that might be because he had regulated Adam's body temperature and had kept him from experiencing pain (say, from hot sand while walking bare-foot in Kairo).

But now it made things difficult that Michael had never given Adam reason to comment on the temperature. Where would he go? Their plans for settling down hadn't progressed that far before his father's dreadful interference and while Adam had thrown around some city and region names, they had been more spontaneous ideas than well thought through suggestions.

So what if Michael couldn't find him? Or if it took him a long time? Would he really need to take a different vessel? And even if he did, while he could search any town in the blink of an eye, there were so many human settlements, even just in the USA, and oh no, what if Adam had left the country or-

Michael?

Michael stilled, his grace aborting all restless movement it had displayed a moment earlier. Were he in a vessel, he might have stopped breathing for a moment, though his true form neither needed to nor could, actually, breathe.

A few agonizing seconds ticked by, enough time that Michael almost convinced himself that he was imagining Adam's voice, but then-

Michael, I know it's stupid. You're probably still dead. I mean, why would you just suddenly be alive again, right? Adam chuckled, but it was humourless. I doubt it was Sam and Dean. They- Well, I told you how they reacted when I asked them. Assholes. But you know, apparently they can't even get their own angel back. So guess it sucks for all of us.

Anyway, so I know you're probably still gone, but it just felt... A few hours ago, and even now, I don't know, it's like something changed, something... came back, some piece of a puzzle slid into place or whatever stupid metaphor people throw around for that feeling. I don't know how to explain it. You know I don't like to talk about my feelings. Your feelings, now, I could talk about them for hours, we have talked about them for hours, and that's good, because I think you're pretty much the definition of 'fucked up childhood', and yeah, I'm still calling it that, even if you were never actually a child. Sue me. You keep saying you basically raised Lucifer, so he had something like a childhood, and you should have-

Never mind. That's not what this is about. It's about me feeling like you're back, and maybe I'm just going crazy – which, not that unrealistic, all things considered, but there's just something... Michael couldn't see Adam, but he just knew that he was gesturing wildly, and vaguely at the same time. Something is different, okay? And when- A short pause, and Adam's voice turned bitter for a moment. If you come back, you can laugh at me about it, but it's just...

There was more silence, and while Michael was eager to hear every word Adam had in store for him, no matter if the bitterness ripped his metaphorical heart out, he also used the pause to trace the prayer to its source.

While a precise location wasn't always possible even with direct prayers, he could at least get a direction and then, when he moved there, a general area.

Michael, Adam said again, and the radius got smaller.

I miss you. There were tears in Adam's voice, and Michael hurried, because Adam didn't cry, not in front of others, not ever, and Michael certainly wouldn't be the reason for it now!

The words, the open connection of the ongoing prayer, narrowed it down to a city. Not a big one, either, Michael noticed with relief. Cities these days were often so full of souls, sometimes millions upon millions of them. This one only held a few ten thousands. For a long time in human history, this might have been considered quite a large settlement, but now it was dwarfed by the multiple metropolises all over the world. This was a small town. He might find Adam quickly yet.

There was still one problem though. Michael continued to lack a vessel with which to interact with humans, and as Windom had shown, he couldn't simply go into the city to seek out Adam. It would cause too much attention, and besides, Adam would be sad or even angry if he accidentally hurt somebody, even if it wasn't in his home town.

Brooding as he was, Michael took several minutes to realize that he had pulled some of the storm clouds with him on his way towards Adam's city. Coupled with his presence, this seemed to be causing some unfriendly weather. The wind had already picked up a notch, and lightning was building up in the clouds, ready to discharge onto the city at any given moment.

There was no rain as of yet, the clouds consisting more of restless energy than perspiration, but a quick check showed Michael that it might start hailing soon.

Oops.

Meanwhile, Adam had stopped praying. Maybe he hadn't realized Michael was getting closer. Or perhaps he had labelled himself insane at this point for talking to what he assumed to be an empty room rather than an archangel who had just been freshly revived. (Well, maybe he wasn't wrong about the empty room, but he certainly was wrong if he thought no one had been listening.)

At least Michael knew where he was, now, though he couldn't be sure if Adam would actually stay there. It could be that he was just passing through, that he would leave before nightfall and move on to another city...

Dreamwalking might be the best solution to contact him, after all.

That would take hours though. It was only the afternoon in this part of the world, and while Adam might theoretically have a different biological rhythm, it was still most probable that he slept during the nights.

It was hailing now, but Michael barely registered it. The hailstones weren't all that big, so they didn't pose an immediate threat to the people in the city. They wouldn't be a danger for Adam.

Michael spent some time in contemplation. He was not brooding, of course. While Adam had sometimes accused him of being a brooder, this was nonsense, because the archangel Michael didn't have a melancholy nature and certainly didn't brood. He was merely a tactician who took time considering his options.

There weren't all that many, though, except waiting.

Michael would have sighed, if his true form was capable of it.

Michael?

Adam. Adam was back, he was praying again, he was-

Ouch! Shit. Michael, that's you up there, right? Tell me that's- Fuck, okay, can you make it stop hailing, because this shit is-

Michael stilled, then hastened to re-arrange the composition of the storm cloud. The hail stopped, replaced by rain.

That's- okay, it's a little better, but- you know what, never mind, get down here now!

Michael hesitated. He still couldn't go into the city, not without doing irreparable damage. And he still couldn't pinpoint where Adam was, exactly...

What are you doing? Come on! I did not drive into a fucking storm on a fucking hunch only for you to play fucking coy-

Drive into...? Michael directed his attention directly below himself, to the strip of open land next to the city he was hovering above. There were some cars on the road, obviously eager to get either back to the city or out of it, but there was also, on a little dirt trek, a single car parked, and a single human standing next to it.

Michael surged downwards. It couldn't be. But what if it was? Michael had been so focused on finding Adam that he'd never thought about Adam finding him-

“Woah, easy there, big guy,” Adam said, a smile tucking on his lips even as his hair and the rest of his body dripped with water. “I can look at your true form without being hurt, but if you squash me I'm still toast.”

ADAM, Michael spoke in his true voice, the only one currently available to him. Trees creaked as the wind picked up and birds cried out in terror. ADAM. YOU'RE HERE.

“Of course I'm here.” Adam smiled as Michael carefully wrapped his true form around him, shielding him from the weather. “And now you're also here.”

OF COURSE. I GO WHERE YOU GO. YOU'RE MY GUIDE, REMEMBER?

Michael slung his grace closer around Adam, nudging his chest. He could feel Adam's soul reacting, reaching out to him, and his grace sparkled in delight.

“Hey, is that a sparkler in your grace or are you just happy to see me?” Adam joked.

Michael would have scoffed, just on principle, but he couldn't bring himself to. I'M JUST HAPPY TO SEE YOU, he admitted.

“Yeah, well.” Adam blushed a little, and bit his lip. “Imagine how I feel.”

Come back to me. I love you, he had said in his prayers. So Michael didn't have to imagine. He knew that they were feeling much the same.

I'M SO SORRY, he said out loud, not even sure what he meant himself. Sorry for dying? Sorry for not being able to protect Adam from his father? Sorry for betraying the Winchesters, even if it had been more of a double-cross?

Maybe it was all of it.

“Michael. I'm not angry at you.” Adam smiled and tried reaching out with his hand, but Michael's form was only semi-solid on Earth. “Hey, can you just come in? I think you're about to fry the brains of all the animals around here.”

That was probably true. There were some raccoons nearby who had hidden, but might soon sneak a peak out of curiosity. If they did, it might be their undoing. Not even to mention all the birds and the damage Michael had already done to them with his true voice.

YOU HAVE TO LET ME IN, Michael said, and he knew there was a vampire joke on Adam's mind as he grinned, but at least he didn't say it out loud.

Instead, he just spread his arms. “Then yes. Come on home.”

Michael did. As his grace filed back into Adam's body, filling every last crevice of it and pooling most of him next to Adam's soul in his chest, Michael really did feel like he was coming home. In a way that Heaven had stopped feeling right, had almost seemed strange to him, Adam's body was now the place where he belonged. Where he felt welcomed, and safe.

Warm.

Loved.

“There you are,” Adam murmured once he was fully settled in, and he put a hand on his chest where they were now once again sitting snug. “You're back.” He inhaled shakily. “You're really back.”

I am, Michael told him, grace reaching out to encircle Adam's soul. I'm back.

Neither of them could quite believe it yet.

“How?” Adam asked, his voice unsteady. His face was still wet anyway, but now the cold raindrops were joined by hot, salty tears. “How are you...”

Jack. God. I don't know what to call him yet. He revived me.

Michael showed him parts of his memories from Heaven, sizing them down to what a human mind could comprehend. Jack, not in his true form, but with only his human body. Castiel, also with his vessel. And...

“Who's that?” Adam asked, frowning as Michael cut off the memory.

Gabriel, he said quietly. He has also been revived, and will help to rule Heaven.

“Your brother. That's... good?”

Michael sent him a wave of fondness. It is. For him, and for Heaven.

“And for you?”

We'll see.

“I guess that means your seat is taken now, huh?” Adam asked uncertainly, and Michael was hit with just how much he was misunderstanding Michael's worries.

Yes, the role of ruler of Heaven is taken, and that is a very good thing for me, he said firmly. What needs to be seen is if Gabriel will ever forgive me. And if Jack will revive Raphael.

“Oh.” Adam's soul fluttered, realizing that Michael wasn't thinking about leaving him. That he wasn't just his second choice after Heaven.

I don't think I'll ever go back to Heaven. At least not in the capacity of a leader. Maybe as a visitor. But I'd much rather be with you.

“Yeah?” Adam asked, almost shyly.

Of course. I- Even after all this time, Michael wasn't good at saying it. To be fair, they'd never really voiced it out loud, though they could both feel it in each other anyway. Still... Adam had said it, and so should he. I heard your prayers. You know that I...

Adam was silent, only sending soft encouragement through their bond. There was no pressure for him to say it, but he wanted to, even if it seemed impossible.

I... care for you very much.

Those weren't the right words. They were close, but...

“I know,” Adam said gently. There was a vast fondness in it, but also an undertone of... disappointment?

Oh no.

Adam...

“I care for you too. And now I finally have you back.”

Adam, I-

“Come on, let's get out of this rain. I know I can't get sick anymore, but this is still really annoying. Plus, I want some hot cocoa. Uh, and waffles would be real good right now. You know, there's this diner on-”

Adam, Michael repeated gently, but firmly, and Adam fell silent. I chose you. You realize that I chose you over Heaven... over all of creation. Because... because you are the most important person to me. In the whole universe.

There was a smile on Adam's face as slowly walked back towards his car, twiddling with his keys. “Yeah,” he said, and Michael could feel his heart beating faster than normal. He didn't do anything to slow its pace. “I love you too.”

[winchesterwhorehouse]

so I’m new to the spn fandom (only just binged the whole thing on Netflix) and I have a question. Why is tumblr so anti-Jared Padelecki?? From the stuff I’ve seen/read outside of this site, he seems like a normal decent person (for a celebrity anyway lol) and just as “woke” as Jensen Ackles at least (if not more so?), so what’s the deal? And if they hate him so much WHY are they so obsessed with his wife too and watching her every move? IM LEGIT CONFUSED

First off all, welcome welcome! 🖤

Now. I'll try to make this as interesting as possible :)

So. The show was goin great, it was perfect it was beautiful. But. 2009 alright. They introduce Castiel the angel. Now not exactly then, but that's where things started going downhill

By 2011, the love for the angel increased, which granted, he was badass back then I liked him too. Destiel became a thing, which was still tolerable and maybe seemed cute to some of us who're antis today. Buuuut there came a transition sometime between s6 and s8. Shippers became.... well I don't have the word for what they became. They started behaving

There was a whole lot of hating the character Sam Winchester, criticising the Winchester codependency, wanting Dean to embrace his "bisexual" side and oh well gee I don't know, they wanted him to go all baby honey on Cas. White male on white male action (sucks. I know)

In due course of time, the ship which was supposed to be light hearted and fun, because poisonous. Fans started hating Sam more and more and EVENTUALLY the hate turned to Jared

It was all "get him out of the way, he's coming in between the gay love" because lol it ain't like Dean will look Cas in the eyes before stabbing him if it means saving Sammy

Destiel went onto become THEE most toxic shit you'll ever see. There were Cockles, Hellers, accounts dedicated to Jared hate. Calling him "the unwanted third wheel". It was a nightmare

So anon. All this hate for Jared was nothing but all for a very childish, immature reason-- a simple ship. It's become such a hated thing for me, I see the word "Destiel" or I see some heller trying to prove why their ship should be canon, my mind goes

Which, ik, very rude of me sorry. Will try to be more understanding.

Also, Jared is a very open and understanding guy. He tries to make his friends feel comfortable and that's why he sometimes swoops in and answers questions relating to destiel. He talks about how love can be all sorts of love. Not just sex or romance

Shippers don't understand that. They think Jared's trying to call off a queer relationship when in fact, he's just supporting facts!

Now I'll advice you to please keep away from the filthy Jared hate and come join us in a more postive world ! :D

*me you hug*