#or i should have enough self control | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

championsandheroes · 1 year ago

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Being told that my character hasn't been cleaning themselves properly in at least ten days was honestly the worst and most shocking part of the game. Gale and Lae'zel can go on about how they like your musk all they want, it doesn't matter. Ten days of wandering around and fighting? We camp next to a river? And yet???

If you are interested in your own vampire spawn to bring with you on adventures so that you can skip out on personal hygiene, contact the Szarr estate at Patreon or society6.

#champions and heroes #baldur's gate 3 #Astarion #Tav #Gale of Waterdeep #I honestly admire Astarion's self-control #poor man's starving and you're constantly rolling around in food like it's no big deal #it's bad enough that you're a walking meal #you don't have to marinate yourself in it too #you're practically mocking him #the fact that it takes days before he breaks is honestly nothing but miraculous #and no you don't get to complain #you should have thought about the possibility that the extremely pale elf with red eyes fangs and bite marks might be a vampire

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fuckyeah-bears · 1 year ago

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you know 99% of the time i get nice, totally reasonable, polite, and frequently kind asks on bearotonin. but every now and then i get some asks that just make me wanna reply snarkily so badly lmao

#the weird shit people send me #like unsolicited 'helpful suggestions' about how to run my blog better #or 'concerns' about the way i run it or some of the photos i post #and it takes a significant amount of self control not to be snarky #because i am not allowed to break brand continuity #but like #people really gotta learn that it's not cute or helpful to come into a stranger's inbox and critique/suggest they run their blog differentl #and i get that most of these (admittedly not that many but still frequent enough) asks are probably not meant to be obnoxious #like i'm sure the person who sent them doesn't have bad intentions #and probably just doesn't realize what they're doing is irritating and a basic etiquette no no #but it's still annoying #sometimes people just gotta learn to keep their opinions to themselves #not every opinion should be shared #just being clear 99.9% of the many asks i get are totally fine and nice #but because i get a fuckload of asks the 0.1% of annoying asks i get is substantial enough to get annoying and tiresome #don't mind me im just vague post venting here as a stress relief so i don't reply snarkily on bearotonin #okay im done ranting now #please ignore me lmao #Posts about bearotonin

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jamietwat · 3 months ago

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This is how easily distracted my writing focus has been in the last twelve hours

#But hey at least not posting means I can jump around all I want and leave finishing off chapters and splitting things up for later me #Although every day I get a little closer to saying fuck it and trying to fill in blanks enough and polish things up to have a first chapter #and post the start of this one just to overwhelm myself a little more with things I should be updating #But like if I’m working on it on top of other things anyway it’s harder to argue with the impulses #As it is I’m torn between talking about what it’s about #And keeping it to myself still until I’m ready to post it #But also I know if I start talking about it my self control will go out the window #Mine

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badolmen · 1 year ago

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I can fix him*

*bad writing, underutilized gameplay mechanics, characters with unfulfilled potential, funded by bootlickers

#ra speaks #personal #sorry I made dr phone calls and have like. ten minutes til I gotta get ready for first class of the semester. let me have this.#I think I should get every COD game ever for free. it’s MY tax dollars at work after all (actually anything produced w us military funding #should be free I think I can trap even my bootlicker tax hating dad into getting onboard w this one)#anyways. ghosts was…decent. but jfc if you give me a silent protag I expect SOME self awareness in the writing.#why are characters calling to him on comms when they know he won’t respond? why doesn’t he have an AAC device or something more futuristic?#I’m just saying if you explicitly limit a character you need to respect those limits in te writing. it’s not that hard.#like non of the characters even acknowledge that Logan never talks. esp weird when he first meets the ghosts #also. obv not a big fan of ‘all of South America has United into evil space terrorists’ but it was 2013 so ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯#wish we got to see some SDC civis y’know? get a bear on the average attitudes abt the whole. invading the US thing.#(jfc do not get me started on The Wall like this is a 2016 trump voter’s power fantasy)#also Riley was such an interesting mechanic why couldn’t they have at least substituted him w drones or something on the other missions??#you get him for like. two missions. and then he gets shot and you have to protect him (gosh I actually loved that section)#just. it was clear Logan was The Dog Guy with an aptitude for tech. honestly Hesh felt more like the MC than Logan.#and while Logan doesn’t have a ton of personality we can glean as a result of non speaking + ZERO communication at all ever #seriously he doesn’t even like. wave or give thumbs up to people wtf dude do ppl just assume he’s psychic or something???#I do LOVE the few scenes we get with him acting outside of player control/where he actually has agency (Elias’ death. the final cutscene)#and like it’s not much but it’s enough that I WANT to see what happens next #but alas. a decade old game without a true sequel (I think??? haven’t actually looked into it.)#my brother is making fun of me for being a COD gamer now like boy. I have no defense pls be nice to me T-T

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phagodyke · 1 day ago

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wanted to go to the gym social tn but as I was getting my stuff together to go out, a friend said smth that rly pissed me off and now I'm too fucking angry to go out. fucks sake man

#fucking hate ppl commenting on my 'self control' for being sober bc I get it all the fucking time and its so patronising !!!!!!#even if its not intended that way. dont care didnt fucking ask. especially from someone im friends with #but whatever i should know better than to expect ppl to know me #maybe other ppl need discipline to stay sober but i dont bc the alternative is a non option and always has been. not that hard for me #and i have my own self control struggles w other shit man like im not pristine and perfect fuck off. you only dont know abt the #shit i actually fucking struggle with bc i dont know or trust u well enough for that.#and i HATE when ppl fucking imply im susceptible to peer pressure. im not. dont fucking overestimate your influence #ppl act like shit is a choice like actually i have a trauma rooted fear that comes from ppl in my family dying of substance abuse thanks 👍#which i dont expect strangers to know. but my friends should fucking know that!!! but i guess its not worth remembering #whatever it doesnt matter im prolly upset for other reasons im going to go out for a walk to calm down i cant be at home right now #even more fucking annoyed that im missing the gym over this. i shouldve been there an hour ago.#i mean i could still go maybe the cycle ride would stop me feeling mad and blowing everyone up once im there. i doubt it tho #UGH. fucking whatever. whatever whatever whatever. sorry for ventposting i was typing out a longass reply #but its not gonna fucking do anything except come across needlessly aggressive and ruin the conversation #even if i really really want to be needlessly aggressive. and ruin the conversation. but i guess i have the self control to not. lmfao #what if i just killed myself. anyway i think im gonna go get some shitty fast food on this walk and watch a horror movie when im back #.vent

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lilalilan · 4 months ago

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I physically could not leave

Like at least something that I know about myself now is that I will not back down in the face of intimidation but like

I physically could not leave

I was threatened repeatedly with physical violence

I had to repeatedly deescalate situations so that I would not face physical violence

And I physically could not leave

There was nothing I could do to remove myself from the situation

Nothing I could do to make myself safe

Except to get the other person to calm down

Fuck

#the fundamental issue with mental healthcare in this country is that being unable to leave means that you are unable to avoid the abuse #and must therefore face it head on instead of leaving at the first sign of trouble #and I am one of the lucky ones #one of the few who had enough self control to not directly face physical violence and being “chemically restrained”#aka being nonconsensually drugged into submission #im safe now but like #straight up had to deal with someone daring me to give them an excuse to be physically violent towards me and deescalate that situation #without any sort of emotional response or evidence that that situation had negatively impacted my mental health #also like I shouldn't have had to be the one with the self control in the situation the people that were literally being paid to be there #should have been better #and fuck the fact that it fell on me

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justanotherhawksfangirl · 2 months ago

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Im so curious

#me i did #what makes it all the better is #my oc's quirk is control over light #and what attack does afo use before stealing them?#light 😈#get fucked fucker #then i just gotta annoy him enough that hes like #i dont have time for this #hawks #hawks mha #keigo takami #proud self shipper #everyone should have fun

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anarcho-masochist · 1 year ago

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Okay, I thought this was universal but maybe my last three therapists were right that it is not:

Is it normal for boredom to be truly unbearable?

As in, worse than anything else, would rather get eviscerated while fully conscious, will do anything to escape it which might actually include suicide if no satisfactory options are available?

#it's bad #and no it's not 'when you aren't distracted you're forced to experience existing pain'#I'm not generally suicidal. There are a lot of things I enjoy and want to do. I have plenty of problems but I tend not to care about them.#I do have things to do. Usually even if I don't want to do anything I can entertain myself since I can't switch my brain off anyways.#Literally infinite things to think about #The problem is when none of it feels interesting or exciting enough. Which doesn't make any sense at all.#If I'm unbearably bored and a friend makes the mistake of talking to me I get really toxic. It is a problem.#Usually I have great self control when it comes to destructive or toxic behaviors but not so when I want to end it all because nothing is #interesting enough.#It's like 'if I do something really extreme I'll stop because bored'#Bad things happen...#Or I try to overdose or slit my wrists #better yet is when I try to get myself killed because suicide isn't good enough.... great reasoning (disappointed)#I met three of my ex boyfriends that way #Note to self to stop fucking men i get in knife fights with PLEASE #it is ALWAYS a bad idea. Has never turned out well.#Invariably they always either have anger management/impulse control issues or they're just arrogant jerks who want to be tougher than you #sometimes both #Man really rambling in the tags here. Should probably delete that. Oh well. POST

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pepprs · 1 year ago

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my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared

#purrs #delete later #ask to tag #(putting slashes thru things so that they don’t show up in search btw)#i have no right to be scared bc im not there. but im so scared for the people of ga/za. and i am so scared that… idk. it’s completely my #fault bc i go looking for these kinds of things on purpose to hurt myself. but i doomscrolled last night about ww/3 and the possibility of #nu/clear war being fueled by is/rael’s ‘war’ on pale/stine and not only am i sick with fear about the people living directly in that region #but i am so fucking scared of the possibility of nu/clear war. or like. any war breaking out in the us. which i know is a ridiculous self #centered thought to have but my anxiety is out of fucking control rn and it has been getting worse throughout the week. i just don’t know #how to wrap my head around the violence of this week. and so few je/wish ppl i know irl are antizi/onist and ppl just expect me to be #supportive of is/rael jsut bc im je/wish and it makes me fucking FURIOUS not only because i resent these horrors being committed to innocent #people in the name of my own people but it is so extremely dangerous to conflate j/udaism with zi/onism. the consequences diasporic je/ws #are goi ng to face are of course nowhere near as central or all-consumingly violent as the people in gaz/a and i feel personally safe enough #as someone who (and i know this is kind of a terrible thing to say) passes very easily as a go/y (esp w a mask on) and has a g/oy last name #but i am so fucking terrified of the antise/mitism getting worse here and have been exposing myself to evidence of it even though it is #extremely destructive to my mental health. but also i deeply resent the rhetoric around ‘reach out to your j/ewish friends they’re suffering #rn’ because…. we are not a monolith nor are we the direct victims in this situation and it just feels so uncomfortable and centering to make #it an issue of silence etc etc when… there are innocent ppl in g/aza who are experiencing terror no human being should ever have to endure #and most of them are children and they are the people who will ‘pay’ most directly and immediately and severely for what happened a week ago #i just feel so fucking on edge from this entire situation and unable to do anything to help when the destruction is imminent and this #nightmare of a country is at the core of so much suffering in this world and it will take centuries to undo it all and in the meantime so #many innocent people are going to die and maybe the entire world will be destroyed by nu/clear war which we are basically begging for at #this point. it’s so hard to function in my personal life when i am keenly aware of what could be happening at any moment #i don’t know how to end this post. im just fucking scared and there’s nothing i can do

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ruanais · 10 months ago

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I rllyyyyyyy wanna buy shoes HELP-

#ᨳ—rua’s gossip #uhmmmmmmmm #yeah I have enough self control to wait a bit longer #:3 #hehe #if I buy shoes I might just buy clothes too :/#Should probably wait until I get my pay heck haha

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brotherslayer · 6 months ago

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there's the potential for a dark AU where hurt and comfort have become so intrinsically linked in his mind that if a succession war between Medraut and Lleu took place where Lleu would come out as the winner and had him imprisoned, he would antagonize Medraut until he lashed out at him. Lleu would force Medraut to hurt him, because he's gotten addicted to the way his brother gave him pain and the bittersweet reconcilation that followed afterwards when the feelings of guilt arise. If Medraut can only love Lleu when he is hurt and hurts [hates] Lleu when he is loved, then the obvious solution is that Lleu has to be hurt all the time thus can he be loved eternally.

#this can easily lead to Lleu self-harming or making himself purposefully sick and ordering Medraut to take care of him #the winter prince #medlleu #traditionally the winner of such conflicts in bl is usually the one doing the hurting and the dominating #right now I'm interested in a subversion of such tropes #Medraut being forced to inflict violence onto Lleu would torture him more than being on the receiving end of violence #I think Lleu should have more trauma from having his sadistic jealous brother designated as his caretaker #Lleu feels like he hasn't gotten enough kisses this week and he drains a bottle of poison as revenge #leaving Medraut to deal with the aftermath #Lleu hates not being in control of his own mind but after the death of his family this could change #he might want to go back to the time when he was being drugged and drifting into a dreamless sleep #the certainity that when he awoke in pain and tears Medraut would be there to make him feel better

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel #the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule #and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office #classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a #mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively #i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when #i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an #office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then #when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low #energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its #like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that #i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my #lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to #convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture #of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like #they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha #yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc #i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself #from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode #and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at #like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop #so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd #also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry #bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting #hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that #the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun #unrelated

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admin-courtneys-corner · 1 year ago

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Is there anyone you're interested in?

//OOC: I'm having so much fun sending these. Thank you for infecting me with Courtney brainrot.

as in….romantically..? not currently. i’ve never had much experience in that field…but i have enough analysis on the subject to know i don’t like men. makes me feel…icky.

i believe people find me….too off putting…to be interested in me…but i’ve had my moments…

there was a woman who worked within my ranks momentarily, i enjoyed her company….but that was cut painfully short.

…..i miss her sometimes.

#//your feeding my courtney brainrot i should be thanking you #//also yes this is self indulgent unworldlyshipping i don’t have enough self control not to #pkmn irl #pokeblogging #rotomblr #anon ask #ask game #unworldlyshipping #magma grunt zinnia related

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crispysnake · 2 years ago

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#Im hiding in the tags of my own post cause im a COWARD #anyhoo im RANTING #Im staying home today cause my period cramps are obliterating my insides (hence the gif)#and I was trying to figure out what to do cause now my schedule is rearranged #and my first thought was 'oh I have some time I should reblog one of those prompt ask memes and just do a few drabbles'#and straight up stopped walking cause ???? hello????#hmm what a strange thought for someone WHO HASNT WRITTEN ANYTHING ON HERE EVER???#I mean I did like once 4yrs ago but the I got so stressed out I deleted the app for an hour so #like why would THAT be my first casual idea😭#THE URGE TO CREATE (the urge to write vaxleth) is STRONG in this waffle house tonight boys #and for a moment I was like 😏 I could do it but the more I think about it the more daunting it feels?#I feel like Im not well versed enough in c1 moments cause its been a year since I 'finished' it and lowkey dont remember a lot #and despite 2 seasons I feel like there isnt enough room in tlovm to write something that I feel would be og enough #and because im a little pab and spent the last year sending every single au idea and every hc to other blogs (i am my own worst enemy)#i think any au i would write would just be straight up plagerism cause I have no self control in other ppls inboxs😭#ANYWAYS look whos getting worked up over literally nothing #off to google docs I go!#mira talks

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exalok · 1 year ago

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might post all the tiny self-imposed prompt stuff from a few years back that i for some reason never did. this is your automated warning

#i am TRYING to WRITE but it is HARD #but also i am trying not to try so hard that i have to lie down and do nothing for three months again #thank you for your patience if you are here for the stories!!#yesterday i plonked out half a page in three hours for an actual fic (it's a new wip i'm so sorry i have apparently lost all self-control)#and then an entire page in one but it was just corvo and daud kissing each other okay. treats for me. no stakes no plot just smooching #gonna have to make a new ao3 collection for non-raunchy non-prompts if this goes on #or should i start just posting these individually? i'm scared of tiny fic for some reason #like if i don't write enough people will be annoyed #anyway sorry for writing five times as much in the tags as in the body of the post i'm done now

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amerasdreams · 2 years ago

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I am never, ever letting myself be manipulated or controlled by anyone.

no matter how vulnerable I may seem i am never letting anyone tell me what to do that is against my will or interests or something forced on me or something I don't think of and consider 1st.

Never, ever blindly following.

Being myself.

Thinking for myself.

This is good.

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