#or however my grandmother treated it after I gave it to her when she bought a 3ds for me and her lite was breaking

[vimbry]

found my childhood ds with the bite marks in it from when I failed the nintendogs disc competition championship

[dailylesliec]

[TRANSLATION] Leslie's Everything: Tell-All Interview

Upbringing

— First, please allow me to ask you about your upbringing. My family was a textbook example of a middle-class family in Hong Kong. My father was a famous tailor who made clothes for Marlon Brando, Alfred Hitchcock, and WD Hamilton among others, so he earned quite a lot of money for some time. Since my father had come from the Mainland quite recently, he was still distrustful towards Hong Kong in general, so he brought all the money he had earned back to Mainland China and saved it there. Unfortunately, in the Cultural Revolution, all his property was taken away.

— What was your father like? I don’t really recall much about my father because I never lived with my parents. They were busy with work and rented a place somewhere near Central, where they worked. All of us kids lived at our grandmother’s home.

— So would it be accurate to say that you were loved most by your grandmother growing up? Because my grandmother was already quite old, the person who took care of me was a nanny called “Luk Jeh” (lit: Sister Six)* . She was probably the person who understood me most when I was young. * T/N: “Jeh”, lit. sister, is a common term of endearment / politeness for an older woman you are friendly with in Chinese.

— What was “Luk Jeh” like? She’s the greatest woman I have ever had the fortune of knowing. She gave all her love without ever asking for anything in return. She treated everyone like that, but she was especially kind and loving towards me. Regrettably, I’ve never met any woman like her for the rest of my life.

— And her elderly years? After she got old, she lived alone in the house I bought her. She passed away in 1990 in her eighties.

— What’s your most vivid memory from your childhood? When I was six, my grandmother passed away. My grandmother already couldn’t move her feet a few years before her death, so she just sat on a chair the whole day. She would only return to her bed to sleep. When I arrived home that day, I found that she had passed away sitting on the chair. I still remember that scene like it was yesterday.

— What about your brothers and sisters? I was the youngest out of ten brothers and sisters. But two of my brothers (the third and ninth oldest) and one of my sisters (the fourth oldest) passed away when they were little, so there were really only seven of us. I have the same birthday as my deceased brother (the ninth oldest), so they all said that I was his reincarnation. However, even though I had a lot of siblings, the age gap between us was so big that we didn’t really play together. My father wasn’t the kind of man who liked having kids around and my mother was very busy, so I  wasn’t very happy as a kid. If you asked me to recall some happy memories from my childhood, I wouldn’t have anything in mind.

— What were you like as a child? I was a bit odd. I wasn’t that childish - I didn’t speak a lot and I was never noticed by the people around me. My family wasn’t especially large, but when we had guests they never noticed my existence. I’m not sure whether I was just born this way. I was very alone and never had anyone to confide in, so maybe that unknowingly shaped my personality.

— Didn’t you play with the kids next door? My parents were very strict. My parents banned me from playing the fun things that the neighbours’ kids liked to play, such as flying kites and milk caps. Back then, you could tell whether a family was sophisticated based on the games their children played. Perhaps my parents didn’t want people to think of us as unsophisticated and lower-class.

About his parents

— It seems like you don’t have many fond memories of your parents. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Our bond was just too weak. There was only one time where my father stayed at home for five days during Chinese New Year. On three of those days though, he was drunk and asleep. That’s my only memory of us living together, so I don’t really understand the familial bonds and love of a regular family. In fact, when I grew up, I was more like a friend to my parents rather than their child.

— When did your father pass away? 1989, the year I left the music industry. When my father passed away, I was touring for “Final Encounter”, so I couldn’t even see him for the last time. It really wasn’t meant to be for us.

— What memories do you have of your mother? In comparison to my father, my memories of my mother are more vivid. In 1988 my mother came to live with me and we lived together for half a year. But… how do I say it? I was used to living alone and my mother and I never had that close mother-son bond, so we couldn’t feel that kind of familial love for each other right away even though we moved in together. I kept trying to close the distance between us and connect with her emotionally, but in the end I could only give her money and material things, so my mother didn’t really seem happy.

*Interviewer’s Note: Leslie’s mother passed away on 18 Oct, 1998*

At that time my mother’s relationship with my father was worsening and she was quite emotionally unstable. Even though she loved my father dearly, he often ignored her. Anyone who was not my father couldn’t make her happy no matter what they did. Even though I tried really hard to cheer her up, I still couldn’t heal the wounds in her heart.

— But you still had a special kind of bond with your mother in contrast to your father, didn’t you? Yes. For example, I always thought it was my father who wanted me to study abroad in the UK. I only found out from my uncle after my mother’s death that she fought for me to go there. My uncle told me that my mother begged my father many times to let me go to the UK… So even though my education wasn’t perfect, the person who let me set up such a good foundation was still my mother.

— Did you think about your mother after she passed away? To be honest, I thought I would just move on after my mother died. But when she actually passed away, I started thinking about a lot of things. I didn’t recall my memories and experiences with my mother - rather, I realised the importance of my mother’s existence in of itself. My birth, the things that bring me joy, sadness… really all kinds of things… I got all of these from my mother when I thought more about it. That’s why I’m really grateful to her.

— Do you ever regret not doing more for your mother before she passed away? *brief silence* …Personally, I feel that I did my best to do everything I was able to do, so I don’t really regret anything. If you asked my mother, she would most certainly be satisfied with what I did too.

Maybe I'm a bit traditional. I’m a strong believer in things like destiny and fate. For my mother and I, we didn’t realise the importance of our existence to each other until a few years before her death. But when we both understood that, it was already too late. She wasn’t able to be my “Ultimate Partner”, but I guess it was just meant to be that way. We couldn’t change it. There was no way to.

First loves and life as a student

— Who was your first love? What was she like? It happened when I was thirteen. To be honest, I’m not even sure if that counts as my first love. She was a very fast runner and was always training. Good looking, slim and looked a bit haughty. I liked those girls when I was younger. Not long after we met though, I left for the UK and nothing really happened between us after that. Three years later I came back to Hong Kong and met her again. The two of us went to Macau together to have some fun and it was there that I had sex for the first time.

— You were sixteen when you lost your virginity? Wasn’t that quite young for your time? Hm, I guess so. But at that time we felt that we loved each other so we just naturally took that step.

— “At that time”? Does that mean you later found out you didn’t actually love each other? Put it this way. We slowly found out that we didn’t look at problems the same way or have the same worldview. Eventually, she got married to one of my classmates and they even had kids. We bumped into each other last year, but we just chatted for a bit before going our separate ways.

— Do you still think about her a lot? No, no. I think she lives overseas now. Either way, even if I saw her right here right now, I don’t really have any special feelings for her anymore.

— You must have been very popular with the girls when you were still in school. You mean me? *very blunt* Not at all. I didn’t even think about if girls would like me. Even though my friends and classmates really wanted to win the affection of girls, I didn’t really feel that way. I was just really invested in sports like netball and volleyball.

— Are you an introvert then? Maybe. At the very least, I’m definitely not an extrovert. *laughs*

Dream Job

— As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? I actually had two dreams. First, I wanted to be a doctor. But I inherited shaky hands, so that was out of the question. I also wanted to be a pilot, but I was scared, so that was out of the question too. *laughs* Even now when I’m on a plane and there’s turbulence, I get scared.

— And now? What’s your current dream job? I want to be an interior designer or some kind of art critic. I’m really interested in that kind of stuff. Also, I really really want to be a very talented pianist. The piano really is an amazing invention. If you’re stressed, you can just play the piano and all your worries go away.

I especially want to play the piano because I compose my own songs now. But I guess if I was actually able to play the piano, maybe I wouldn’t be able to compose songs freely! 

— It’s not too late to start learning how to play the piano! No, no. I couldn’t before, I can’t now, and I can’t in the future… my left and right hand aren’t the same. When I was 22, I had two tumours on the back of my left wrist and the bone of my left hand. I even had surgery done for it. Because of this, my left hand slowly became smaller and couldn’t exert much force. I did a lot of stuff to keep it balanced with my right hand and it looks mostly normal now, but my left hand is still quite weak.

Studying in the UK

— You went to study in the UK when you were only 13. Did you want that for yourself? Or was it just your parents’ wishes? Of course I wanted it for myself. I had good grades in primary school, but they slid straight down when I got to secondary school because I was terrible at maths. In secondary school, there was algebra and all kinds of weird stuff. The material suddenly became much more difficult. I was always a humanities type of guy. I excelled in subjects like literature and music, but I was horrible at science subjects and maths. I wasn’t good at theoretical and sciencey stuff. I heard that the maths was much easier overseas: Oh, so there’s a way out! That’s what I thought at the time. *laughs*

— And was the maths in the UK really easy? Yeah. Even I managed to get by. My best subject was English Literature. I was the best at it in my grade and even got a prize for it.

— And which writer did you specialise in studying? DH Lawrence and Shakespeare. I loved reading poems even when I was in Hong Kong and I even won prizes for reciting them in a few competitions. I’m the type of person who’s really good at distinguishing between what I’m good at and what I’m bad at.

— You mentioned earlier that you want to be an interior designer. But wouldn’t that be difficult if you’re not good at maths? Yeah. Honestly, I’m really interested in architecture and design, but if you actually let me design a home, it might all fall apart really quickly. So if I were to actually become an interior designer, I can only work on the decorations and arrangements. *laughs* Stuff like this piece of furniture should go here, that kind of furniture should go with this decoration… That’s about the extent of my capabilities. I’d get in trouble if I did anything else. *laughs again*

— I noticed that you didn’t study literature in university. Yeah. I majored in textile management. That was my father’s wish. As a father, it’s only natural for you to want your children to learn something related to your own career. Unfortunately, half of my father's body became paralysed because of his drinking habits before I could graduate. I was therefore suddenly told to come back to Hong Kong, so that ended in failure.

Becoming a singer and idol

— When you came back to Hong Kong you joined RTV (now ATV)’s singing contest. What was that like? ​I often sang at the place my friends worked at when I was in the UK. When I came back to Hong Kong, I found that English songs were quite popular so I wanted to see if I could break into the industry. To be honest, I was half goofing around. I never thought about becoming a singer.

— But you got second place and signed a contract with RTV… I did, but I didn't become popular instantly. From 1977 when I debuted until I released “Monica” in 1983, I was pretty much a nobody. During that time I sang English songs and wore jeans and sweatshirts, but the trend back then was for people to wear suits and sing seriously. I was young and had a baby face. Maybe I just didn’t fit the requirements for an idol of that time.

— Do you have any unforgettable memories from that time? Oh, I have a lot. I can think of one incident that was the most painful - no, miserable for me. One time, I was a performer at a concert where a lot of famous singers were performing. When it was my turn to go on stage, I threw my hat into the crowd. No one caught it - in fact, they tossed it back! That was so cruel. *laughs* There was a time when I had to go through stuff like that. Now I’m almost nostalgic for it, but I was pretty incensed about it back then.

— On the other hand, you started playing major roles quite early on in your acting career. Were you always interested in becoming an actor? I’ve always been interested in acting. I was lucky that as soon as I started out, I was already playing the main characters. If my memory serves me well, my first movie was released in 1979. It was a comedy with some… slightly sexual parts. But because I didn’t really have a choice in the roles I played, I took on all sorts of roles. I was young and wanted to earn some money, so I just acted in everything. Even though I can’t be proud of some of my parts, I don’t regret anything. That’s how people mature along with time.

— Are there any of your movies that you wouldn’t want to watch again? No, actually. But when I see some of my older films, I feel bad just thinking about my situation at the time. Back then, I never had over HKD$1000 in my bank account. I kept thinking, “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a thousand dollars…”

— Didn’t you feel disheartened during those seven years of being a nobody? To be honest, I never found that period long. The reason I say this is because the entertainment industry at the time didn’t really have anyone who became a star the moment they debuted. It was practically common sense that it’d take ten or so years to become a star.

— So did you believe that one day you’d become a star too? Hmm, how do I say this? Even though I wasn’t totally sure that it would happen, I was always waiting for an opportunity to arrive. The stars at the time like Sam Hui, Roman Tam and George Lam influenced me heavily too. In Hong Kong though, it’s impossible to become famous or popular just by copying others. You can’t become a star without your own speciality or being unique.

— Were you influenced a lot by Japanese idols? A lot. I feel like I’m more influenced by Japanese singers than local ones. Hideki Saijo, Kenji Sawada, Mayumi Itsuwa… and especially Momoe Yamaguchi, all influenced me heavily. My version of her song, “The Wind Blows On” was certified gold. “Monica” did even better and was certified platinum. To me though, “The Wind Blows On” was more impactful. That’s why I put the gold record in my coffee shop as a decoration.

— From that moment onwards, you became an extremely popular idol. What was the life of an idol like? I was much busier back then than I am now. As someone who was both acting and singing, my work was mostly for my singing career. Also, the need to win awards was much stronger… like a “hungry artist”. Whatever opportunity arose, be it an advertisement or a performance overseas, I would take it. At the time I was just constantly in an emotionally taut state. An idol’s life isn’t as happy as people think it is. To satisfy the audience, you have to constantly be charming and handsome. For the audience, for your fans… I kept thinking like that and slowly lost my sense of self. It was like I wasn’t myself anymore.

About Mr Tong

— Do you think your personality is suitable for being a celebrity? I think so. I’m not really a fan of a fixed work schedule and job, but in this industry, the people around me all help me and I decide the rules for my own game. Of course, as an idol, sometimes your privacy gets violated which isn’t a pleasant feeling. But I’ve never liked jobs with rigorous schedules. As an artist, as long as you put out good work, you can create the rules. That was really attractive to me.

— Are you bothered by gossip? I’ve gotten much better at dealing with it. I think it’s because my fans don’t believe in all those unverified news articles springing up everywhere - rather, they believe in me and my integrity. People who believe in gossip won’t believe me no matter what I say.  So there’s really not much use in being bothered by gossip. In the end, people will believe what they want to believe.

— Even though you say that, it must make you uncomfortable. They have no right to say those things… Well, of course I’ll feel uncomfortable. When talking about my mother’s funeral a while ago, the press chose to put the spotlight on Mr Tong (Daffy) rather than my mother’s death. I thought that was really unfair and it showed no respect for the dead. Even though I’m an artist and it’s only normal for people to write about me, I can’t tolerate people writing all kinds of rubbish about my siblings and my friends. They shouldn’t be the target of the media’s abuse. I really want to protect them, and I feel that I have the ability to do so as well.

— To you, what’s Mr Tong’s position in your life? He’s my best friend. I can tell him everything. He’s like a little brother to me. We’ve known each other since we were young, my mother was his godmother [Interviewer’s Note: In China, apart from biological parents, people have the habit of getting godparents 乾爸媽 for their children’s future. People treat their godparents like their own relatives.] Especially after his family moved to the US… he was just like a member of our family.

I think I’ll be indebted to him for the rest of my life. Before I became famous, I urgently needed a good amount of money because of a certain incident. I think that was the toughest time of my life. He didn’t say anything and just found a way to get the amount of money. That was worth months of his income. I only heard through the grapevine later that he ate only the cheapest takeout for lunch every day afterwards because of how costly it was for him. He was the only friend who treated me so well in my hour of need. So I’ll always treat him like my lifelong friend. He’s not just one of my friends. To me, he’s a very special, very important friend.

— The media has been speculating a lot about your relationship with Mr Tong. What do you think about that? I really hate it. I’m okay with it, but he’s just a normal guy. Yet the reporters chase him all around Hong Kong and take all kinds of pictures. It even disrupts him from doing his job… I really feel ashamed about it.

It’s the same for my brothers and sisters. Don’t write all kinds of rubbish just because one of my siblings is getting divorced. I’m alright with the press writing whatever about me, but I really don’t want you all to write about my family and friends. That’s just not fair!

On dating and marriage

— Let’s talk more about you. People say that a big part of your charm is your mysteriousness… That’s because I don’t talk about my personal business in public and I rarely make news for the press. How meaningless would it be if I just exposed everything about myself? Of course, I’m not saying I shut myself in at home every day and hide from everyone. The reason why I opened up a coffee shop was so that I could create a place where I could meet my fans. As long as you bump into me, I’ll sign an autograph for you and we can even take pictures together. My door is always open.

However, I don’t want to publicise my home, my life, and my friends and family. I just want to keep my privacy. There’s always someone asking, “Don’t you want to get married?”! That’s my own personal business. I don’t think there’s a need for me to answer that question. ​ — But as your fans, it’s only natural for them to care. They’ll think, “Why can’t, or rather won’t, a guy as charming as Leslie get married?” Do you really want to know that badly? *laughs* To put it simply, I’ve never had any dreams about getting married. I don’t dare to believe in marriage. There’s a lot of divorcees in my family. My parents didn’t have a good relationship and I grew up seeing multiple of my siblings going through divorces. So I’m not really confident in the idea of marriage. I don’t have a good impression of it. So maybe I’ll never get married (asks the interviewer) Are you married? Do you have a good relationship with your husband? Have you considered getting a divorce? (asks very quickly)

However, although I may never get married, I still care a lot about my family. Ever since I was young I didn’t really have a relationship with my home and relatives, so now I really care about “home”. I only put things I like in my home - I want to create a space where it’s okay to relax.

Above: Leslie Cheung and Teresa Mo for All's Well, Ends Well (1992)

— Have you really never thought about getting married? I have! That was when I was still very young. I think at the time I was only 22. She was a little older than me and we considered the idea of marriage very seriously. But out of the blue, she suddenly started acting very oddly and it was like her wires were crossed. I didn’t really know why, and at the time I was still young; in short, it was a really difficult ending.

— So you never seriously considered getting married after that? I didn’t. It’s almost definitely because my standards are too high. I’m really strict towards myself and everyone else. A normal person might be satisfied with 70% perfection, but I’d only be satisfied at around 95%. So something that’s normally satisfactory becomes unsatisfactory in my eyes. Tong always tells me, “You’re a perfectionist. Even if it’s really great, you’re still not satisfied, so I really pity you.” But when I look at him, even if it’s something very small, he's really touched and happy, so sometimes I really envy that. But I still can’t lower my standards.

— Even towards women? Hmm, you could say that if I like someone, I’ll have a lot of expectations towards them, which ends up in disappointment. I’m scared of that kind of disappointment. Besides, I’m 42 now - I’m at the age cap for liking someone! Even if a 20-year-old girl was in love with me and I liked her too, considering my age and my own personal stance, I know we can’t end up together based on feelings alone. Problems regarding the future, our environment… there are just too many problems to consider. As you get older, apart from becoming more demanding, you also lose more of your passion and vigour, so it’s kind of difficult.

— Even though you say that,  there are definitely plenty of women who like you. I don’t know… at this age, you can’t just fall in love! For example, if a girl told me “I love you,” I’d have to think: “Huh. Why is that?” *laughs* Really! I get scared just considering things about the future. Because for two people to coexist together, apart from love, you have to understand each other in all aspects, such as your personality, way of thinking, lifestyle… Take me and my mother as an example. Even though we’re mother and son, living together suddenly after being apart for so many years and trying to understand each other was really difficult. Of course, it’d be best if we could love each other from the bottom of our hearts and fully understand each other…

— It seems like your emotional state is really important in making a decision like this. Of course. As long as your hearts and souls are connected, even making love isn’t important. Of course, I don’t want to deny its importance either! *laughs*

— May I ask who you love most right now? Talking about who I love most… probably myself. If you’re talking about people other than myself, I guess you could say that as long as I truly like them, it doesn’t matter whether they’re male or female.

— So you’re bisexual? I’m trying to say that if someone loves me and I love them back, their gender doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter how I say it, I won’t be able to find that kind of happiness anyways. If you’re okay with both men and women, your chances are doubled. What’s not to like? *laughs*

As a superstar

— In “Farewell My Concubine” and “Happy Together”, as well as your provocative dancing in red heels during your 97 concert… These are a series of explorations past your own gender. Are you trying to send a certain message? No, they don’t have any special correlation. I’m not trying to send any particular message either. In “Farewell My Concubine”, Director Chen Kaige told me I had been mostly playing handsome young men. I had a pretty stable image, so he wanted me to be able to play a cute woman too as an actor. As for “Happy Together”, it was because homosexuality was a hot topic back then, so I thought maybe it’d be interesting to play a gay man. 

​For my concert, it was because I needed a little excitement. That wasn’t my idea though - it was the designer in charge of costumes and arts. David Bowie’s feminine performance on stage had a huge impact, so he said it would be very meaningful to do it in Asia too.

Actually, our original intention was to do Beijing Opera. But the clothing and makeup would be quite a hassle, so we wanted to find something that could replace it. We thought of putting on red lipstick based on the theme of the song “Red”, but the Hung Hom Coliseum is huge. You wouldn’t be able to see the lipstick all the way up in the spectator’s stand, so I just wore red heels instead.

— Watching your concerts or films makes people feel you’re very self-absorbed*. Are you that way in real life as well? I do play a lot of narcissists in my films. For myself, how do I… *thinks for a rather long time* In my movies or concerts, I hope to show the audience the best me. But outside of work, I don’t even look at the mirror, and I don’t really care about my own appearance. At the very least, I’m not the type of person who likes hanging their own photos in their home or in the shop. * T/N: The word used in the original is 自我陶醉 (literally drunk by yourself). It does not necessarily have a negative connotation and is used to refer to when someone is very absorbed in what they are doing, and is enjoying it a lot. The term can also be translated as narcissistic depending on the context.

— But objectively you are quite handsome. What do you think when you see your reflection in the mirror? “Wow, he’s so handsome!” *laughs so hard he bends over* No, no, I’m just joking. You can’t really judge your own appearance objectively.

​Think about it, it’s just a face you’re used to seeing since birth.

For a long time, people who don’t know me well have said I’m “pampered”, “cool”, “efficient”... to be honest, that’s not even true. I just like saying whatever pops into my head, so people think I’m a stuck up guy. Chinese people generally beat around the bush and avoid directness to be polite. For a guy like me who just says everything directly, it’s easy to get into trouble. But I guess that has nothing to do with being self absorbed.

— People describe your charm in a lot of ways, like “cute”, “handsome”, and “sexy”... which word makes you the happiest? Coming from my fans, it doesn’t matter if the word is cute, handsome or sexy - I’ll be happy either way. But if it’s someone who knows me well, then I won’t be happy with any of those words. There’s nothing worth being happy about when you’re only praised for your looks.

— So what descriptor makes you the happiest? “Good fellow”, probably? Among all the words of praise, this one moves me most.

— Is Leslie Cheung the superstar actually you? Or is it a persona you've played as and released to be a marketable product? Oh, this is a difficult question. I don't really feel that I'm consciously playing a role, so I guess it should be me. There's no gap between me and "actor Leslie". *asks the interviewer* Don't you think that's my worth in a film? Also, I feel like the potential and talent needed to be a star are qualities that I possess.

Actually, people are just like kaleidoscopes. It's impossible to only show people one side of yourself. But whether it's fans or the media, they tend to only look at one side of us and make judgements based on what they look at, which creates all kinds of misconceptions. The fans tend to only like looking at the almost mythical parts of their favourite celebrities. The media also tends to make mountains out of molehills when they don't have the full picture. But the truth is, those are only variations in the pattern of the kaleidoscope.

— You could say that the job of a superstar is to sell variations in the kaleidoscope’s pattern, so it should be quite high-stress. What do you do when you feel that your stress has reached its limit? Yeah, so it’s actually really important to relax yourself. For me, I choose to go on holiday. I go somewhere no one knows me. Lately I’ve fallen in love with hot springs.

— You already have things that most people want. Positions, reputation, money, beauty, charm… If there’s something missing, what would you say it is? *thinks for a moment* Maybe education? Because I quit halfway in university. It would have been nice if I studied more during that time. If it’s possible I’d like to study all the way up to a doctorate. There’s too much that can only be learnt during your student days.

As an actor

— Do you like rewatching your own movies? Or do you not really watch them? Mm, I probably count as the type that doesn’t really watch them. Because when I watch my own films, I keep thinking things like “Oh, that’s not quite right”, or “If only I acted this way in this scene”... I mind a lot.

When I’m acting, I’m really immersed so I don’t have the time and energy to look at it objectively. After doing it all in one go and looking at it afterwards, my flaws are very obvious from a third person perspective. From a mental health perspective though, it’s not really good to dwell on regrets about something you can’t change.

— So far among all the roles you’ve acted in, are there any which you can say you interpreted flawlessly? *No hesitation* No. For all my films, if I rewatch them, I always think “I would do better if I did it now…”

— Your acting skills have clearly matured over your career, especially in romance scenes. Is this a result of gaining experience or because you consciously put in work on these scenes? Really? I got better at romance scenes? *laughs* If so, personal experience would certainly help, but it’s more that I slowly matured through constantly acting. Your acting skills are like a deposit book. If you keep putting in money, one day you’ll reap the rewards. When a melon is ripe, it falls off its stem… the time each person takes to get there is different, and of course some people never get there at all. It’s not just personal hard work, many other factors like whether you can meet a good director are all really important.

— Not just your romance scenes, there’s something unique in every way you move on the big screen. Even if it’s just your silhouette, people know for sure it’s you. Is the way you carry yourself something natural or is it a conscious effort? I never consciously thought about that. It just came about naturally. I don’t think there’s any particular “method” of acting, you’re not consciously doing this and that. I just do what I think is the most natural thing to do in that scene. In other words, I do what I think that character would do. I’m just recreating those movements.

Some actors have their best angles figured out and work out how they are best captured on camera. But I don’t really enjoy consciously acting like that. My expressions and movements are the best when I just act like myself. That’s the most natural.

However, when you keep reshooting a certain part, like the opening and ending of a certain shot, it’s easier for the editors if you do the same thing every time. But repeating the same movement over and over again really bores me, so I start trying out some different interpretations.

If the acting is very successful, the director is only human. They would also think that it’d be a waste to cut out that scene even if they have to change what they originally had in mind. What the audience sees is made up of all the best shots.

— Either way, there’ll still be a marked difference in the performance of a good actor and a bad actor. Well, of course. Talented actors or actors of a high calibre make you forget their acting. You feel like they’re just being themselves. That’s because they’re unique and not an imitation of someone else - that's why they’re convincing.

In comparison, those “average” or untalented actors are often unwilling to challenge themselves so while they don’t make huge mistakes, they also can’t make the audience feel the character fully. They make no attempt to be unique and instead subconsciously copy people around them.

— You’ve played many roles alongside several prominent leading ladies. As you continue to play these roles, your partners get younger and younger. It may not look like it but there’s actually an age gap between the two of you. Do you feel the age gap between you and your costars? Yeah, it’s like that now. *laughs* To be honest, lately with my costars it feels more like I’m teaching a student rather than acting with them. In fact when actually on set I become a teacher completely. *laughs* However, even though I feel the age gap between us, I have a baby face, so it also looks unnatural if I act alongside the actresses of my generation. I guess it can’t be helped.

On the movies he's starred in

— Which one of your starring roles was the hardest to play? *thinks for a moment* Ho Po-Wing in “Happy Together”. I was feeling unwell* during the shooting and I had to arrange all kinds of things for my upcoming concert which made me really nervous. Wong Kar-wai’s the type of director who doesn’t prepare a script and there were all kinds of problems. It was especially difficult to make Ho Po-Wing, whose personality is horrible, a charming character. I was really worried about that. * T/N: Leslie had amoebiasis during the filming in Argentina after eating contaminated food. ​ — You still pulled off the role successfully though. You were even nominated for the Hong Kong Film Award and Golden Horse Award for Best Actor. That was really unexpected. I didn’t really think I was the main character in “Happy Together” so I didn’t think I was qualified to be nominated.

— Do you think you were qualified for the award for your roles in “Days of Being Wild” and “Ashes of Time”? The panel decides who gets the awards. I can’t really judge whether I’m qualified to get a prize. If there’s any film of mine which I think should be qualified to win something, it would probably be “Farewell My Concubine”. It won the Palme d’Or at the Cannes Film Festival. I was also really delighted to hear that it was a critical success in Japan.

— Was it easier to play Cheng Dieyi in Farewell My Concubine compared to Ho Po-Wing in Happy Together? Yeah. I liked Dieyi’s personality more too and we had more in common, especially his dedication and meticulousness towards art and love. I felt that really deeply. It was difficult to grasp the Beijing dialect and learn Beijing Opera though. But overall in all aspects, it’s an unforgettable film for me.

— “He’s a Woman, She’s a Man” is a film portraying the workings of the entertainment industry. Fans think that Koo Ka-ming (Sam) is actually a depiction of you… Not at all. I can’t write songs and I can’t play the piano either. *laughs* I guess we behave similarly when we’re single… Looking inward, if there are any similarities, maybe it’s in our living habits and worldview. We're more stubborn about that. As for some other aspects, some of those are just my own personality peeking through. Like the scene where I’m very scared and stuck in the elevator. Actually, that was just my real reaction when imagining the incident occurring to myself. Did it look real?

— I see. So that scene was just you. I always felt like that fear seemed too real. *laughs* Now that I’m talking with you though, I do feel that you share far too many similarities with Sam Koo. Hm, really? Okay, maybe a bit. *laughs* But to be honest, rather than Sam Koo being like me, Sam Koo is like the director Peter Chan. ​

Directors and Actors

— Speaking of Director Peter Chan, I wanted to ask you about the directors you've encountered. You worked together with Chen Kaige in "Farewell, My Concubine" and "Temptress Moon", so I suppose he's one of the directors who really appreciates your talent. He does like working with me. The script for "Temptress Moon" was written after I was chosen to play the lead role. A so-called "tailor-made" script for me.

— There are rumours that you were originally going to star in “The Emperor and the Assassin”. I was invited to, but my schedule didn’t allow for it. The shooting would take around a year but I had a world tour going on, so I couldn’t give him that much time. There’s also another reason. The main character of the film was a tall, strong, broad-backed guy in Chinese people’s imaginations… I’m too far away from that kind of image.

— The roles you play in Wong Kar-Wai’s films and Tsui Hark’s films are totally different. Is this because the two directors have different impressions of you? Maybe it’s because they’ve observed different parts of me. Besides, the content of their films is quite different. Wong Kar-Wai’s films are in a unique, perhaps “dispirited” or nihilistic world. Even though the time or location of his films varies, the world he’s trying to create is always the same.

Comparatively, Tsui Hark’s movies always have some kind of hidden philosophical or political thought. Even if the movie is very dark, there’s always hope and light somewhere. Do my roles reflect the differences in their films?

— It was quite shocking to see that you didn’t need guidance from the director (Jacob Cheung) on the set of “The Kid''. Instead, you mulled over and interpreted the role yourself. Is this the norm for you? Pretty much. Directors rarely adjust my acting. That’s why some people can’t stand it when they work with me for the first time. Generally, directors think that acting is something the director arranges for you.

But to be honest, once they start filming, they begin to recognise my acting and usually take my opinions and advice into account. Of course, people don’t think the same way, and my opinions may not be the same as the director all the time. But I’m dedicated to every role I play, and I always hope that I can make a good film. That’s definitely something I share in common with the director.

— In terms of acting skills, you don’t really need a director… How could I? It’s impossible to imagine not having a director. Think about it - no matter how good actors are, they’re always in first-person perspective. An expert looking at you from a third-person perspective and correcting your technical errors, which is the director, is absolutely necessary. Of course I might disagree with the director, but that’s a really important part of making a good movie.

I’m a really lucky actor in that I’ve worked with a lot of great directors. John Woo, Chen Kaige, Wong Kar-Wai, Peter Chan, Jacob Cheung… all of them are excellent directors. The fact that they think I’m a good actor makes me happier than anything else.

To be honest, how good a film is rests almost entirely in the director’s hands. The director is the lynchpin. A movie is a treasure chest and the director is the key. Whether you can unlock it and get the treasure depends totally on the director. That’s why my goal for now is to become a director.

About the future

— Have you already begun work on your directorial debut? I’m working on it. If all goes well, I should be able to start filming in the spring (1999). I haven’t really decided on the contents though.

— As a director, who would you consider picking to be the female lead? Karen Mok or Shu Qi. Karen is a really good performer and an actress with a bright future. Shu Qi isn’t just beautiful, she’s sexy too, so I think she’d be a good fit for a romance movie. They both have great potential.

— Your fans worry that you won’t act anymore once you begin your directorial career. How will you divide your time among directing, acting and singing? I think I’ll reduce my activities as a singer. I want to do music when I’m relaxed and not churn out albums regularly like I do now. Maybe just once or twice a year. I want to really feel the joy of making music and sing for the people who truly like my songs.

As for directing, I want to focus on only being a director at least for the first one or two times. Later, when I’m getting the hang of it, I’ll decide whether I want to continue being an actor. If it’s all smooth sailing, I could be an actor and a leading man like Robert Redford.

— That’s certainly comforting. As an actor, are there any roles or films you’re interested in outside of Hong Kong films? Jack Nicholson’s role in “As Good As It Gets”. It’s really easy to hate that character, but his character is actually really kind-hearted. I think it’d be interesting if I could play that kind of role.

— There’s another role in “As Good As It Gets” - the gay artist with a very special personality. What about that kind of role? *laughs* No way. I don’t want to play that kind of role. *laughs*

— So on the flip side, what kind of roles wouldn’t you be willing to play or be able to handle? The kind of roles that Jackie Chan plays. *laughs*

— There’s a rumour that you won’t act in comedies anymore. Is that true? No! I love the flow of comedies and I might act in one some other time. If I get used to being a director, I might even film one myself.

— Lastly, please tell me something about your first musical, “A Chinese Ghost Story”, which is scheduled for next year.  I’ve never done a musical before so I’m really curious about it too. Challenging myself to try a new thing really excites me. If it’s a success, I feel unprecedented joy. The reason why we chose “A Chinese Ghost Story” to be made into a musical is because of its visual effects. Musicals are a product of blending your hearing and sight. I hope the music and visual effects can complement each other and elevate the musical.

— Will there be a performance in Japan as said before? If possible, we’d like to do it. But unlike movies, there are no subtitles, so the language barrier might be a problem.

— Even if there’s a language barrier, we will still be able to enjoy the performance. Please make the Japanese performance a reality. I’m really happy to hear that. Whatever happens, I hope it’s a successful musical. I’ll try my best, please remember to come watch it then! * T/N: The “A Chinese Ghost Story” musical never happened due to investors’ uncertainties regarding the economic state of Hong Kong at the time, among other reasons. You can read an archived article about it here.

Leslie's past dream home

In the interview, Leslie spoke many times about “home”. Since his childhood, he dreamt of having a carefree, stable home. Leslie, who is interested in interior design, finally helped to design his own home and created his “dream home”! Unfortunately, once he moved, the media surrounded his home. Even tour buses stopped by, which led to the house being sold not long after him moving in…

I wish to have a place where I can’t be disrupted, and I can relax myself… saying this, he reveals part of his dreams and thoughts.

Personal Information

Helping you to understand more about Cheung Kwok-Wing

Place of Birth: Hong Kong

Blood Type: O

Nickname: 哥哥 (Gor Gor, lit. big brother)

Where the nickname came from: His costar in “A Chinese Ghost Story”, Joey Wong called him that. After a while, everyone around him started calling him Gor Gor

Favourite flower: Orchids, because they bloom for a long time.

Favourite food: Seafood, especially lobsters

Least favourite food: Mexican food *scrunches up his brows – it tastes terrible!*

Favourite colour: White, black and grey

Favourite car: Porsche Range Rover

Current car: An ink-green Range Rover

Traits when driving: Drives safely (He says that, but he’s actually a speeder)

Interests: Painting appreciation and watching films. Also interested in antiques

Biggest fear: Flying, especially in turbulence. A bit scared of heights and is also claustrophobic

Things he hates: Gossip including people who spread gossip and people who like gossip

Favourite book: “Dream of the Red Chamber” and books about interior design/decoration

Favourite author: Ba Jin (巴金)

Favourite movie: Gone with the Wind

Favourite actors: Daniel Day-Lewis, Jack Nicholson, Robert De Niro

Favourite actresses: Audrey Hepburn, Vivien Leigh (says while laughing: they’re not trendy anymore!)

Favourite directors: Akira Kurosawa, Bernardo Bertolucci, Li Han-hsiang (a HK director active in the 50s-70s)

Favourite singers: Barbara Streisand, Elton John, Boyz II Men

Buying clothes: Buys them by himself. Usually buys underwear through mail order.  

Favourite brands: Jil Sander

Favourite animal: Dog

Pets: German Shepherd “Bingo” (Bingo is his third dog, he also had another shepherd dog in Canada)

Religion: None

Rules of living: Be patient, be genuine with your friends

When alone at home: Reads a book or watches TV

What he looks like asleep: Naked. It’s best to wear nothing when you’re sleeping!

How he sleeps: Usually on his back

Falling asleep: Quite easy. As long as he doesn’t have too much on his mind, he can fall asleep very quickly

Waking up: Decent. Might be an “early bird”.

Bad habits: Doesn’t really have any significant bad habits

Superstitious: A bit

When is he superstitious: Greeting people at home and paying respects to the Buddha in temples. That kind of thing.

Where he washes first when showering: His head

Favourite part of his face: Chin (the fortune teller said it was a chin which foretells making many good friends in his later years!)

Least favourite part of his face: Left eye. It usually has a double eyelid, but it becomes a triple eyelid when he’s tired

Favourite part of his body: Doesn’t have a favourite

Least favourite body part: Legs

Why it’s his least favourite body part: They are too short. It would have been nice if he was just a bit taller (By the way, he says his height is 175 cm)

Your personality: Ever-changing

An animal you’re most alike to: A wild monkey

Reason: Likes being carefree and spontaneous, doesn’t like feeling tied up

Happiest thing in his life: “Farewell My Concubine” winning the Palme d’Or

Saddest thing in his life: His parents passing away

If he was reincarnated, what would he want to be: A human

If he was reincarnated as an animal: A bird then

Would he rather be male or female: Male. Because in this world, men can be independent

If he was a woman: He wants to be a woman who is very rich or a very talented woman so he doesn’t have to be ordered around by men and can live an independent life

Interviewer/Writing: Shima Chitose Translation: Me (@dailylesliec on Twitter/Tumblr) Do not repost without credit. If you like this translation, consider following me or buying me a Ko-fi. Taken from the Leslie's Everything / Leslie 的所有 fanbook.

[karin-ko]

Tokyo Story by Yasujiro Ozu

"Tokyo Story" cleverly depicts the post-war nuclear familiarization and urbanization of Japan, parent-child relationships, human bonds, and loss. Additionally, it expresses in great detail both the fact that family is not just about blood relations and the difference between what we view as success and happiness versus what the world values. The foreshadowing of Tomi's death was also very clever, like when she gets dizzy during the Atami trip, the remarks at Noriko's house and Tokyo station, and the conversation about the children's mourning clothes. It was all very well thought out.

There are many contrasts in this film. The most obvious is the difference in the way their children and Noriko treat Shukichi and Tomi. Koichi and Shige are too busy with their own lives to take their parents sightseeing in Tokyo. For example, Koichi refuses his wife's offer of a substitute when he suddenly has to work and is unable to go out, and postpones the outing itself even though everyone is ready to go. Shige is stingy with the food on the night her parents arrive in Tokyo, complains about the expensive souvenirs her husband bought, and offers her parents to stay at a cheap hotel in Atami. In contrast, Noriko took time off from work to take them sightseeing in Tokyo, rubbed Tomi's shoulders, gave her pocket money, and offered Shukichi sake. In the scene where Noriko points out everyone's houses while they are sightseeing in Tokyo, Noriko's house is the only one in a different direction from the others, which I felt was a good metaphor for their differences. Also, when Tomi became critically ill and passed away, Noriko did not prepare mourning clothes while Koichi and Shige did, and while the two of them immediately return to Tokyo on the express train that night, Noriko remains in Onomichi for a while. In addition, the grandparents had accents and spoke slowly, in contrast to the city children who spoke very quickly. Furthermore, at the beginning of the story, there were shown many children and several trains passing by, giving the impression of a bustling city, whereas, on the morning of Tomi's death, these shots depicted the city with no people, no trains, and a quiet, somber atmosphere.

While watching the film, I felt that the children's cold treatment of their parents who came from Onomichi to Tokyo was terrible, but after watching the film, I realized that I had such an experience as well. When my grandmother came to Tokyo to visit us and our family from far away, I had school and my parents had work, so I spent more time alone than with them. When I think about it, I would say that this film is a very realistic view of people living their own respective busy lives. Although they are cold to their parents when they are visiting them in Tokyo, the way they rush to Onomichi upon hearing of their mother's critical condition shows that they do care about their parents. The scene of them laughing and reminiscing at the meal after the funeral shows the true bond of family. However, it was very realistic to see them immediately go back to putting their personal lives first. As Noriko says, we all have our own lives, and it is not easy to care for someone in the midst of those lives. Shukichi and Tomi who understand this, while saddened, do not complain or blame their children for the way they are handling the situation. Their behavior made me want to take better care of my parents.

Also, the film was mostly shot from a low fixed point-of-view, and especially in the scenes inside the house, the use of many objects such as shoji screens, walls, and windows to create vertical lines gave the film a sense of depth and unity. Additionally, most scenes depicting the outdoors were shot through window frames. One scene that left a particularly strong impression was the scene where the grandparents and Noriko were riding on a sightseeing bus. By framing the scene from the inside looking out, I felt as if I was also looking at the scenery from inside the bus. In the dialog scenes, the characters are often shot talking directly to the camera, and they are talking in the direction of the person they are talking to, which is very natural. In addition, match cut was used for the fan fanning action and the train, cut on action was used in the scene where Shukichi comes down the stairs from the rooftop, and L cut was used in the scene where the train passes by at the beginning of the story. It was very nice to feel the good old Japanese summer vibes from the kimono and buildings, as well as from the props such as mosquito coils and fans, and the seasonal music. The outdoor scenery and household goods that were inserted during scene changes added a nice touch.

[seungmoroll]

Heather | Lee Felix

Word count: 5.3k

Genre: fluff, realization of feelings, friends to lovers, baker Felix, slight angst(?)

A/N: the next part of the Heather series is finally up! you can read the other parts here.

    As you open the door, the sweet smell of pastries fills up your nose. Every time this place reminds you of the precious moments of when you were a child watching your grandmother bake some sweets that you would then have to hide from your mother. Inside, beautiful freshly made sweets are on display for others to enjoy, and as you walk around, making your way to pick out the treats that you needed, you can’t help but be in awe with the craftsmanship that was put into every single dessert. You have to remember to compliment the baker. Speaking of the baker, once you’ve made your way to the front displays by the cash register, his warm smile greets you.

    “Good morning Y/n, beautiful day isn’t it?” Just like his freshly baked goods and the bright sun, his voice brings you a sense of warmth.

    “Morning Felix. It’s a wonderful day today. I’m sure the kids are going to love being outside.” The kids that you mentioned were the kids that you took care of at the daycare you worked at. It wasn’t a big daycare or anything. At most there were 8 kids, but you enjoyed that there wasn’t a lot of kids because you really got to know them. Plus, you don’t think you and your coworker Jeongin could handle any more kids.

    “Oh I bet they will. Wait, that reminds me, let me grab something from the back.” He leaves, leaving you wondering what he could possibly be getting. When he returns, he comes out holding a box and places it on the display counter.

    “Here, this is for you to take.” It was common for Felix to make special treats for the kids. At first you tried to refuse his offers, but he came up with excuses such as saying that he owed Jeongin or that they were just extra. You didn’t believe those excuses though, but it was kind of hard to say no to Felix. Besides, it’s not like the kids were opposed to the treats.

    “Ah, thank you Felix. I’m sure the kids will love it. What’s in here?”

    “Actually, it’s for you. It’s a cheesecake that I made.”

    “Oh? I can’t take this for free, let me pay for this.” You know Felix put all his hard work into everything that he made, and you refused to not pay for it.

    Shaking his head, “No, no. I made it specifically for you, so I’m refusing to take your money, and don’t you dare slip in some extra cash to Nakyung at the cash register.” Dang it, he knew exactly you were planning on doing.

    “Fine, but I have to pay you back somehow.”

    “Another drawing from one of the kids is good enough for me.” Sometimes the kids liked to draw the treats that Felix gave them, and so on day you brought the drawing in to let Felix see and according to Nakyung, he puts them up on the wall in the kitchen.

    “I’ll make sure that they’ll get delivered to you safely the next time I visit.” Felix smiles at your response, but your conversation is interrupted when another customer comes up and asks for help. After realizing that you were going to be late if you stayed here any longer, you head towards the cash register, where Nakyung stood there waiting for you.

    “Hi Y/n, will this be all for you?” She kindly greeted you. You actually knew Nakyung from high school. The two of you weren’t necessarily friends back then, being that you were a part of two different circles, but she was a kind person to everyone.

    “Yes, this is it for me.” Today you grabbed two blueberry muffins and a brownie (Jeongin’s favorite thing at the bakery).  

    “I see that Felix has given you another dessert. Is it for the kids?”

    “No, uh, it’s actually for me, but of course I’m going to share some with the kids.”

    “Oh, I see. I think it’s sweet that he makes you something special.” You could tell from the tone of her voice that there was something that was slightly off, but you didn’t have time to question it because you had to make your way to the daycare. However, you had a feeling you knew what the reason for her tone to be like that. You might have to talk to her about it later though.

    Grabbing your newly bought goods, you make your way towards the exit, but not before you bid Nakyung and Felix a goodbye, “Bye guys, hope you have a good day!”

    When you finally arrive at the daycare, you are met with the sound of gentle music playing and the sight of Jeongin swaying along to the music as he tidies up the play area. Not wanting to interrupt his flow, you lean against the doorway, waiting for him notice your presence. When he finally turns around, he slightly jumps at the sight of you. You chuckle in amusement. Clutching his chest, he asks you, “How long have you been there?”

    Walking up to him, and presenting him his brownie, you say, “Oh not that long, I just wanted to enjoy my view. Here’s your brownie by the way.” Jeongin gladly takes the brownie in your hand and questions the box in your hand.

    “Oh, this? Felix made me a cheesecake.” You miss the way Jeongin cocks his eyebrow at you as you make your way to your office to put your things up. Following you, Jeongin jokingly asks, “Did he now?” You could tell by the tone of Jeongin’s voice that he was trying to instigate something,

    “Whatever ever you’re thinking of, just stop it right now.”

    Feigning innocence, he says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You knew he knew exactly what you were talking about. For some reason, Jeongin thinks that Felix has a crush on you, and you find the idea ridiculous because everyone who goes to the bakery knows the Felix likes Nakyung.

    Shoving your free cheesecake into the mini fridge, “I still don’t get why you think Felix likes me.” When you turn back around, you see Jeongin pointing at the fridge, “Because he gives you things like cheesecake and other sweets for free because he specifically makes them only for you.” Rolling your eyes at his explanation, you push past him and go back towards the front of the daycare to wait for the arrival of the children.

    “He knows I share them with the kids, so he just says that he makes it for me to hide the real fact that it’s for the kids.” From where the two of you stand by the front entrance, you can see the first child making their way to the daycare with their father. Ending the conversation for now, Jeongin says, “Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.”

    Later on in the week, you knew you were forgetting something when you left your house this morning. Mentally reprimanding yourself for forgetting your umbrella, you do your best to quickly make your way home. Usually you never stay at the day care so late, but Daisy, a sweet little seven-year-old girl, wasn’t able to be picked up until 6 today because her mother had an important meeting, and of course you and Jeongin didn’t mind staying back. After Daisy was picked up by her mom, you and Jeongin had to put up new decorations for the daycare which took you guys about an hour and a half. Once you were both done decorating, you had deemed yourself too tired to cook yourself dinner that night, so you had gone out and got yourself some Korean chicken. Unfortunately for you, the wait time took forever and by the time you left the restaurant it was already pouring.

    In situations like this, this is why your parents told you to take your car to work, but you didn’t mind the 15-minute walk, except currently you did mind. You thought to yourself that you might’ve looked a bit crazy running in the pouring rain, soaked from head to toe, but at this point, you didn’t care about how you looked, you just wanted to get home. Just as you were about to pass the very familiar bakery, an also very familiar figure comes out the door causing for you to come to an abrupt halt.

    “Y/n? Is that you?” It was Felix. He must’ve been getting ready to close the bakery since it was already almost 9. Quickly dodging the rain by going under the awning, you greet Felix.

    “Oh, hey Felix.” You try your best to act casual, but it’s a bit for you to do since your quivering from the cold.

    “Gosh, you’re drenched. Here come on inside.” Before you could object, Felix is ushering you inside the bakery and you let out a relieved sigh as you feel some sort of warmth. As soon as Felix had walked back in, he immediately went towards the back of the bakery, leaving you to awkwardly stand in the middle of the bakery. A small puddle of water has begun to form on the floor because of you. When Felix returns to the front, he is carrying a towel and what you believe is extra clothing. Silently, he wraps the towel around you and hands you another one for you to use to wipe your face.

    As you pat your face dry, Felix offers the extra clothes to you, “Here go change into these.” Not wanting to be more of a nuisance to him, you kindly reject his offer, “Thank you, but I‘m fine.”

    “Y/n,” he sternly says, “your clothes are soaking wet, if you don’t change out of them soon, you’re going to catch a cold.”

    “No seriously Felix, it’s fine. You know my house is only 7 minutes from here. I can survive 7 more minutes in these clothes and in the rain.”

    “Are you crazy? You can’t go back in the rain.” He motions out the window, and you can see that the rain has started to come down harder. You pause and take a moment to think about your current situation: on one hand, you could run all the way back home and take a nice warm shower, but on the other hand, you’re enjoying the warmth of the bakery too much and you really don’t want to go back in the rain. However, the look that Felix is giving you right now makes you feel like the first option is not a viable one for you. Reluctantly, you take the clothes that Felix is offering to you and make your way towards the restroom to go change. Once you’ve finished getting change, you look at yourself in the mirror. Your hair was a complete sad mess, but you have to say that the clothes Felix gave you makes you look somewhat decent. Looking down at the design displayed on your chest, you realize that you were wearing the t-shirt that all the workers at the bakery wore.

    Exiting the restroom, you see Felix mopping the floor, “Sorry about that by the way.”

    Finishing up, he says to you, “It’s no problem really, now the floor is extra clean.” That was something you liked about Felix, he always made it seem like you or any other person was never a bother.

    Looking outside the window, you see that the rain hasn’t let up, “Wow, it’s really raining hard.”

    “Yeah, looks like you may be here a while.” Accepting your fate, you pull down a chair that was stacked on one of the tables and set it down, grabbing the bag that you had with you and opening it up. The aroma of Korean chicken fills your nostrils, and you make a gesture to the spot in front of you to Felix, who kindly accepts.

    “Nice dinner you got there.”

    Pointing towards the box, “Would you like some?”

    “I would love some.” He happily grabs a wing and starts munching on it.

    For the next few minutes, the two of you silently enjoy your food.

    “Y’know,” Felix starts, “I think this is the first time me and you have hung out by ourselves.” Taking a moment to think, you realize that he’s right. Usually Nakyung or Jeongin would be with you guys, but due to circumstances they’re not.

    “It’s not weird is it?”

    Quickly shaking his head, he says, “No, no, not at all. I actually quite like this. I feel like I can get to know you better now.” It’s not like you and Felix didn’t know anything about each other. You had come to the bakery so often, so of course you’d get to know one another. Using this as your chance to get to know each other better, you ask Felix, “Is there anything you want to ask me?”

    Taking a second to think, he asks you, “Why’d you start working at the daycare?” You go on to explain to him that you always wanted to work with children, but being an actual teacher was too much for you. So when you saw online that there was an open position at the daycare, you went to visit for an interview, and basically fell in love with all the children who were there. And now here you were, a year later, still loving your job. “Okay, my turn. How’d you get into baking?”

    “It was just a hobby; something to do in my free time, and at first, I was horrible at it. The first thing I ever baked were a batch of brownies, and they ended up being rock solid. Instead of stopping because I failed, I attempted to make them again until I made the best brownies. Everyone fell in love with them, just like Jeongin, and then I started branching out into other desserts and pastries. Now I’m here, living my best life where I get to bake whatever I want, and see people enjoy my creations.” You could tell that Felix really enjoyed being a baker with the way he joyful answered your question.

    The night continued on like this, with each of you throwing questions back and forth getting to know one another, the rain seeming like it would never lighten. Eventually the questions stop, but instead the pair of you told stories about your pasts.

    “You know, back in high school, Nakyung was so popular.” You had no idea what prompted you to bring this up to Felix, but you couldn’t stop yourself from continuing.

    “That’s not surprising.” Felix responds.

    “Yeah, she was so popular that every girl wanted to be her, and every guy wanted to be with her, including every single one of my crushes.” That last part slipped out on accident, but now that it’s been said, you couldn’t take it back.

    “Oh.”

    Quickly, to not ruin the mood, you say, “It’s not like I hated her for that or anything. I couldn’t possibly hate her for something like that. I’m not that petty, but I’m sure it was nice to have so many guys falling for you.”

    In attempt to make you feel better, Felix says, “I’m sure there were plenty of people that liked you too. They were probably just too shy to say or do anything.” Felix’s comment makes you laugh, “Please, no one liked me the way they did Nakyung.”

    “If it makes you feel any better, I can say that I do.” You don’t understand what Felix means by that, so you tilt your head in confusion.

    “What do you mean?”

    Watching Felix take a deep breath, he confesses, “I like you Y/n.” It takes you a moment to process what Felix has said to you. This didn’t seem very real to you at all. You’ve never had someone confess to you. You were just so used to everyone liking all the prettier girls like Nakyung. It almost seemed hysterical to you.

    “No you don’t.” You’re quick to turn down Felix’s confession.

    “I-what?”

    “You don’t like me Felix, you say firmly.

    The look on Felix’s face shows you that he’s not understanding what’s currently happening. “Why are you saying that?”

    “Because you have liked Nakyung for so long, and she likes you back. I just happened to pique your interest for the moment because you may have gotten tired from your regular routine, but when it comes down to it Lix, Nakyung is the one for you.” Every word that you said was how you truly felt about things.

    “Maybe that was true in the beginning when you first started to visit the bakery because I was interested in finding out what type of person you were, but then something shifted when you became a regular and we truly started to get to know each other.” Felix’s confession is too much for you. When you thought of Felix, you thought of Nakyung. In your mind they were a package; you couldn’t have one without the other. And you didn’t want to be the person that got in the middle of something perfect and ruin it.

    “I’m sorry Felix,” you gently say. You felt bad for rejecting him, but you didn’t reciprocate his feelings, nor did you truly think that he had actual feeling for you. Quickly getting up, you thank him for his kindness and rush out the bakery door, not caring that it was still pouring outside.

    “Wait! Y/n!” Felix calls after you, however, you don’t bother to turn around, ignoring his calls.

    It had been a couple of weeks since you rejected Felix, and you were currently on your way to the market to pick up some groceries, when you heard a voice calling out your name, “Y/n!” Looking around to see who it was, you see Nakyung approaching you. “Hey Nakyung.”

    “Hey you, I haven’t seen you at the bakery in a while.” You thought it was best to avoid the bakery ever since you rejected Felix’s confession.

    “Oh, yeah, I’ve just been busy recently that I couldn’t stop by.” Which was totally false, you just weren’t that close to Nakyung to tell her the true reason why.

    “Are you busy? We can go get a drink at the bakery.” The bakery was the last place you wanted to be right now.

    “Actually, why don’t we go to Starbucks? I needed to get a gift card anyways.” No you didn’t, but it seemed like a good excuse.

    “That works for me.”

    Once the two of you arrived at Starbucks and ordered your drinks, plus the gift card that you were just going to use on yourself, you had sat down at a table in the corner.

    “So how have you been recently?” You ask Nakyung to startup a conversation.

    “Oh me? I’ve been doing good, and you? How have you been doing?”

    “I’m doing good as well.”

    “Quit the crap Y/n, there’s something going on in that little head of yours.” You weren’t sure if Nakyung was just good at reading people or if she knew about you and Felix.

    “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She gives you a look, that means that she doesn’t believe what you’re saying, “Okay, fine. I’ve been…distracted by something.”

    “And does this something have to do with a light-haired baker?” Now you were definitely sure that she knew. Felix probably told her everything. Maybe he didn’t have to tell her anything and she just could tell that something was off with him.

    Hesitantly, you ask her, “Okay, what do you know?”

    “I don’t know a lot, but I do know that Felix likes you and that you rejected him. So why? Why’d you reject him?” So she did know about Felix’s supposed feelings for you. Instead of replying to her questions, you say, “I’m sorry.” Not expecting that to be your response, Nakyung is a little taken back, but relaxes within a second.

    “Please don’t do that. Don’t apologize for something that you couldn’t have prevented.” Nakyung was handling this situation better than you would have. You know you would have either been yelling or crying to both you and Felix.

    “You know, I kind of figured he…that what we had was disappearing when his smile started becoming wider whenever he saw you. Then I really confirmed it when he started giving you special baked goods because that’s what he used to do for me.” By the end of her sentence, her tone became very somber and you just wanted to reach across the table and hug her.

    In attempt to make her feel better, you say, “I’m sure that what Felix is feeling for me right now will pass. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and no one can look at a person like that and say that they don’t like you.” Nakyung takes a moment to collect her thoughts before saying to you,

    “You’re right. Which is why I can say that I too have seen the way he looks at you, and it’s a look I’ve never seen him give me.” Unable to find any words to say back to her, you watch as she looks down sadly at the drink in her hands. Reaching across the table, you gently lay a hand on top of hers as a gesture to let her know that it’s okay and that you’re right there for her.

    “Y’know,” she laughs to herself before continuing, “I think the tables have finally turned.” Your head tilts to the side as you try to figure out what she meant. Sensing your confusion, she goes on to say, “Back in high school, I knew about your crushes on Eric, Hwiyoung and Jaemin.” Surprised, you drop your hand from hers and lean back in your chair, looking at her with a stunned expression, wondering how she could’ve possibly known.

    “You were obvious Y/n. You basically followed them around like a lost puppy, and I only figured it out because they followed me around like a lost puppy.” You were unable to deny her claim. Looking back on it now, that’s exactly how it was in high school.

    “But now, like I said, the tables have turned, and the guy that I like likes you.” Taking in her words, you realize that she’s finally feeling the pain you felt in the past, except for it’s worse for her because their feelings went both ways unlike your one-sided crushes.

    “But you know I don’t like him, right?” You never saw Felix in that way. To you, he was just the sweet, bright guy who baked amazing pastries. He was the guy that knew how to brighten up the room. He was also the guy that you forward to seeing every morning you planned to visit the bakery.

    “Lost in thought there?” Nakyung’s voice brings you out of your thoughts about Felix. Once you’ve focused your attention back onto Nakyung, she’s giving you this expression that you can’t quite describe. “Oh, I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

    “I asked you if you were sure about that because you know, I wouldn’t blame you if you did like Felix. He’s an amazing guy; a total sweetheart. He listens to all your concerns and makes you cute little treats. He gives the best hugs. His smile makes you want to smile. Honestly, I could go on and on about him, and I think you could too.”  With the way Nakyung spoke of Felix, you could tell that her feelings for Felix were deep, which made you feel worse because you unintentionally ruined something that was great.

    Nakyung looks down at the time on her phone and starts to get ready to leave. “I have to go soon, my shift is about to start, but look Y/n,” she pauses to look you in the eyes, “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. You can’t help it when someone’s feelings change. It’s not your fault. And I know that you don’t like Felix, but maybe just give him a chance. The two of you both deserve to be happy, and I can tell that you already make him happy, and I can guarantee that he’ll make you happy too. Just think about it, yeah? Don’t think about me, think about yourself. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know where you can find me.” With that, she bids you a goodbye, leaving you alone to think about her words and Felix.

    The following day after your impromptu hangout with Nakyung and after a long night of thinking, you were at the daycare getting ready for story time. While you were busy trying to round up the kids for story time, you hear a knock off in the distance, and then all of a sudden, all of the kids started to run off in one direction. Turning around to see who could possibly have caused the kids to get this excited, you are met with the sight of Felix holding a pastry box. He manages to send you a wave, while some of the kids try to get him to carry them. Awkwardly standing in your position, you wave back at him and contemplate whether or not you should help him or not. Being the good person that you are, you choose to help him.

    “Kids, I know you guys are happy to see Felix and he’s happy to see you, but I don’t think he appreciates you guys bombarding him. I’m sure that if you guys give him a little bit of space that he’ll share his lovely treats with you guys.” At the sound of your last sentence, the kids relax and back away from him. Felix gives you a thankful smile, and then goes to squat down to speak to the kids.

    “You guys want to see what I brought you guys today?” Cheers of yes’s sound off, and you can’t help but let out a soft chuckle. Suddenly you sense a presence next to you, “Oh? Felix is here?”

    Slightly turning to Jeongin, “Yeah, I wonder why.” Jeongin does his best to avoid your gaze, “I don’t know, why don’t you go and ask him.” He gently shoves you towards the direction of Felix, which catches Felix’s attention.

    He smiles up at you as you slowly approach him. He’s still handing out the cake pops that he’s brought for the kids. After he’s given the last child their cake pop, he rises back up, giving you the same smile he gave the kids.

    “Hey.”

    “Hi.” The awkwardness is killing you.

    “Heyy.” The last hey comes from Jeongin, and the glare you send him makes him back off. Though you do appreciate his effort of trying to make this less awkward than it already was.

    “Hey Jeongin.” Jeongin then goes off to wrangle the kids together again, leaving you and Felix by yourselves in awkward silence.

    “Soo…what made you stop by?” This was the first time Felix had come down to the daycare, so you really weren’t sure why he was here, especially with everything that’s happened between the two of you.

    “Oh, today’s my day off and to keep myself busy I thought I’d try out this new cake pop recipe and thought that the kids would like to try them.” Of course Felix was still baking on his day off.

    “And I thought that you would like these.” Felix hands you a small container. Curious, you open it up to see your favorite macarons.

    “How’d you know these were my favorite?”

    “Y/n, you buy at least two of them every time they’re available.” You didn’t realize that Felix noticed that about you, but then again you didn’t realize a lot of things about Felix.

    “Oh, um thank you.”

    “You’re welcome, I just thought that since you haven’t been by Sunshine’s recently that you might be missing them, so I made some for you this morning.” The smile he gives you gives you a warm feeling on the inside, and you do your best to ignore it.

    “You made them this morning? Felix you really didn’t have to.”

    “No, it’s alright, I wanted to…and I wanted to see you.” That’s why he was truly here. It’s been about a week since you’ve rejected him, which has been enough time for you to think.

    “Ah, I see.” Before you could say anything else, Daisy walks up to the two of you and grabs at Felix’s hand.

    “Felix, will you sit with me during story time?”

    “Daisy, I’m sure Felix would love to, but he’s probably very busy today.”

    “Actually, I’m not, so yes Daisy, I’d love to sit with you during story time.” He gives you a cheeky grin before letting the little girl guide him to the reading circle.

    For the entirety of story time, you and Jeongin had to deal with little children with sugar rushes and you could say that you were slightly thankful for the fact that Felix was there to help the two of you. Even though he was the reason as to why they were like this. You had also done you best to ignore the longing stares Felix gave you as you read The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Once story time finish, it was time for the children to pack up and get ready to be picked up. Fortunately for you, this meant that Felix didn’t have a chance to talk to you, but unfortunately for you, once the last child left, Felix was still at the daycare.

    “I got to go check something in the office, be right back.” Jeongin excuses himself from the room, leaving you alone with Felix. You mentally curse Jeongin because you knew he left so Felix could talk to you.

    “Y/n-“ Before Felix could finish what he was saying, you cut him off. “Could you hand me that?” Pointing at the doll that needed to be put up. Handing you the doll, Felix catches your wrist when you turn around to put it up. “Y/n, can we just talk for a minute?”

    Slowly turning around, you say to him, “There’s nothing to talk about.” You knew you were being rude to Felix, but you thought you were doing what was right.

    “Okay fine, just listen okay? If you don’t have anything to say to me afterwards then I’ll get out of your hair.” Instead of responding, you continue to pick up the toys the kids left on the ground.

    You hear Felix take a deep breath before he goes on to say, “I know that it was sudden when I confessed to you, but I truly meant it Y/n. And I know that you think that I like Nakyung still, but I don’t, and I haven’t for a while now. Before you can say that I was playing with her feelings while liking you, I know, and I feel horrible, but she was a safe place for me and then you came in like a tornado and ruined that for me. I just want you to know that we talked about it, and she’s okay with us. If there’s even a chance for us. I just hope that you’ll give me a chance to show you my true feelings.”

    Stopping your actions, you take a moment to process Felix’s words. You felt bad for Nakyung, but you couldn’t help but feel a small yearning for Felix. After everything that’s happened, you’ve come to the conclusion that you may have feelings for Felix. He was everything you wanted in a partner, and here he was trying his best to be with you.

    “You won’t be giving away special desserts to other people, right?” At the sound of your sentence, a smile starts to grow on Felix’s face.

    Chuckling, he says, “No, I won’t. Except for the kids.”

    “And me!” Jeongin yells out from the back. The two of you can’t help but laugh at him. Instead of directly responding to Felix, you walk closer to him, and slightly bump him with your waist. “Good.”

A/N: im so sorry this took so long to come out; I had so many ideas for this and didn’t know which direction to go in, but I hope you guys liked it. feel free to let me know what you guys think!

[gottawriteanegoortwo]

Mermay - Dilliam - An Introduction

Happy Mermay!

William discovers that Mark’s girlfriend is hiding a secret known as ‘Damien’. He’d never guess the truth.

Word Count: 2,807 (I got a little carried away, and this wasn’t even what I intended to write!)

-

Even if William had known Mark and Celine for two years, he always felt like he was on the outside of the group.

(Aside from feeling like the third wheel as Mark and Celine had been in a steady relationship since Mark first introduced his childhood friend to his girlfriend)

Mark, Celine, and her family seemed to have a secret. Whenever they would chat, there would be mention of "Damien" in passing. But when William tried to ask for context, he was never given it. Mark and Celine would conveniently slide the topic elsewhere to avoid answering the question, while he was in no position to ask her parents. All William could gather was that Damien travelled but occasionally returned to the family home. Was he a businessman, forever on the roam? Was he a soldier like William? Was he family or a friend? After several years of being left in the dark, he had accepted that he'd never learn the truth.

In January, he had been sent overseas with the military as part of a peacekeeping mission. Even if there were opportunities for video calls, the three decided to write letters to give William something to do while on duty and to make the time go by a little faster. The young Colonel realised something interesting - by Celine's fourth letter, she had mentioned Damien. He guessed that the vagabond must have returned while the soldier was overseas. He noted in his next letter that he was surprised Celine willingly mentioned this mysterious figure (William? Bitter? Of course not!). As though adding to the mystery, the letter he received in reply was a curious one:

"I'm sorry I couldn't explain it before. Damien is my brother, but he's very shy. He doesn't like others knowing about him without being told first. I have told him about you and he's rather interested in what you're doing."

William was FLOORED. He'd known Celine for two FULL years and there had never been mention of a sibling?? He didn't remember a family photo with unfamiliar faces. Deciding it was a better argument to have when he was home, he instead crammed two letters into the one envelope - one for Celine, one for Damien. If the brother was secretive, it might be best to prove that William was a trustworthy friend. Friendly, short letters would be a good way to start.

--

For the next two months, the letters became a great distraction from his duties. Mark was asking William for advice on how to propose. Celine was updating William on the house she and Mark had bought, including sending photos of the ocean just at their doorstep. Damien, while proving that he was a secretive individual, wrote short letters about himself. The mysterious brother kept to himself, and it got William wondering about how shy Damien was. It was endearing, in a way. William accepted that he was wrong to take the news so harshly at first. Celine was merely doing right by her brother. 

It wasn't long after William sent his letters in response that his squad was ambushed. The attackers were defeated, but not without William having his leg broken in the process, among other things. He was sent to a local hospital before it was decided that getting him home would be more beneficial. Any letters that arrived at the base for William were instead returned to sender, as the soldier was being transferred too frequently while being treated to determine where he would be at a given moment.

-

It was June by the time William arrived home. Not even a medical boot and a crutch could dampen his spirits. Mark's hug of relief nearly knocked them both down, but Celine joining the hug successfully toppled them over William's rucksack as they erupted into laughs. The couple gave William the grand tour of their new home. It was as charming and elegant as Mark would like, while secluded from frequent public activity as Celine desired. Not only that, the house was near a cliff edge, which allowed a beautiful view of the ocean. William took in this view as he sat in the living room with a glass of water.

"Will?" Celine's voice stirred him from his daze. "I know you've done a lot of walking to get here and you're likely tired but… Would you like to meet Damien today?"

"Would I like to what?" William repeated blankly, a dumbfounded expression on his face.

"Your idea of sending him letters worked a treat. He asked me every day if there was a new letter for him. He's very curious about you."

"From what you told me, I thought he would have been gone by now." William's observation had Celine shaking her head.

"He waited to see you. I think learning about your injuries worried him." Celine's gaze lifted briefly to the water before she added, "He'll understand if he needs to wait until tomorrow -"

"No, no. I'll admit I've been curious to meet him as well. All this time you've had a brother and no one could tell me. What time will he arrive?"

"Actually, he's already here. Come on. I'll show you. There's one more part of the house you haven't seen."

-

William was fully expecting there to be a secret basement. Instead, he was led out to the back garden. It was small and neat, complete with a small wall to give some semblance of shelter. It looked like it belonged to a farmland cottage, especially given the gate at the bottom. Celine unlocked it and went first. William could see a path that led down to the ocean. The steps were man-made and weren't too steep. It would be a slow walk down but he could manage it in the medical boot.

"Damien is my twin brother," Celine began as she guided William down the steps, "and nearly everyone who knows my family doesn't know he exists. You and Mark are the only one of my friends who know and, well, you'll understand soon."

At the bottom of the steps was a seating area protected by some large rocks that created a safe area to swim in without worry of sudden tides whisking you out to sea. William hobbled over to one of the large rocks so he could sit down, gather his energy and curse the boot. Celine followed, climbing onto a neighbouring large rock.

"Damien? Are you here? I have my friend William, the Colonel!"

Ripples began to spread through the still water. William watched with wide-eyed curiosity when he caught movement below the surface. He had been watching the water while coming down the stairs, and there weren't any items or clothing strewn about. Before he could ask Celine, a head popped out of the water in front of him.

It was a man, or what looked like one. His smooth skin was as white as porcelain and shimmered in the sunlight. There were tiny bubble-like markings that William swore looked like scales. His hair was as dark as Celine's, but with a blue tint with the right light. It appeared to hold its shape by being stylised into smaller 'chunks' to form larger strands of hair. The ears were finned and had a pale blue along the edges. His face, despite not looking fully human, reminded William of both Celine and her father. The eyes were a different shape to the rest of the family - presumably more rounded and large to help with hunting - but the 'nose' and mouth were a perfect match. Even the eye colour was the same as Celine's.

"Damien, I take it?" William thought it absurd, but his hunch to ask immediately proved to be a good thing. The head ducked back under the water. Celine gave a knowing smirk and stepped back. In a flash, a large blur pounced for the rocks and climbed up with surprising agility, revealing what was actually a merman in full display. From head to tail, the skin kept that white tone, unlike what William would have seen in movies. There were fin-like protrusions emerging from his collar bones and his upper arms, which went from that pale blue on the edges to a dark purple at the base, almost like a sunset. This coloration was also on the frills that went down his stomach and on either side of his tail, before all three trailed off at differing points to allow the splendour of the large tail tip. William did remember Celine having posters of betta fish in her room when they met, was this why?

"The Colonel, yes? Oh, it's such a pleasure to meet you! Celine has told me so much about you! I'm so sorry I wasn't able to meet you sooner." Damien had snatched up William's left hand with both his webbed ones and shook eagerly, until he caught himself and quickly pulled back. "I'm so sorry. It's not often I get to meet new people." As quickly as he had sprung forward, Damien pulled back as his sister sat down beside him, ears flattened in embarrassment. The twins had such a likeness once the obvious differences were put aside.

"Don't apologise. I've been looking forward to meeting you too. I can't believe no one told me before I left. I'm offended!" William put a hand on his chest and dramatically sighed, only to erupt into cackles when Celine reached over and slapped his arm.

-

The three sat on the rocks for the afternoon. Celine and Damien took the time to explain to William about their genetics. Their father's grandfather was a merman who had decided to leave the life of the water behind and marry their great-grandmother. The merfolk genes became a passive trait. Their descendants had natural aquatic talents but all were completely human. Their mother, however, had magic in her bloodline, and this strengthened the recessive merfolk gene. When she was expecting twins, one was a regular human pregnancy, while the other was cocooned in water. In that regard, Damien was a miracle that he survived and had a healthy childhood...

"- but it meant no one outside a small circle knew I existed," Damien sighed. "Celine was able to go to school, make friends, while I was taught by our grandparents, as well as Celine who showed me what she learned in school. Because I'm not human-passing like movies show, I couldn't use a wheelchair and a blanket like I wanted." Not only that, there wasn't a large community of mythical creatures that they knew of. "But don't take this to be me lamenting my fate. I've had a wonderful life and have made connections with many merfolk communities around the world who welcomed me in while I am studying."

"Studying?" William looked confused, but Celine took the moment to wrap her arm around Damien's shoulder.

"You are looking at one of the top merfolk experts on culture and tradition, as well as a general fish expert. Speaking of," she patted Damien on the shoulder as she rose to her feet, "I should go back up and help Mark. We're having dinner down here." With that, she hopped off the rocks and began the ascent back up the house. Damien and William watched her go, before the soldier turned back around.

"So, an expert, eh? I happen to be rather unintelligent compared to your sister and Mark, so I'm afraid you'll have to tell me everything." He rested his elbow on his good leg, and propped his chin on his hand as he grinned at the merman. Damien's eyes darted aside and his ears flattened in embarrassment.

"Well, I wouldn't call myself an 'expert'," Damien admitted quietly, "but actually… I'd rather hear about you. I really enjoyed receiving your letters while you were away. Is that why you wear those clothes?" 

"Oh these?" Whoops. William had forgotten to change when he arrived. He barely had a moment to drop his bags to the guest room. "This is my military uniform. It's commonplace to wear it when you're on duty, even if you're simply being sent home. It's not the normal battle uniform, not anymore. That's just regular camouflage. This is an everyday uniform that shows off any badges you have earned and -" William stopped as he felt his hat being plucked off his head. He hadn't noticed Damien crawl over until it was too late. Instead of snatching it back, he ruffled his hair so that it lost the 'hat hair' look.

"How can you wear this? I've never seen anything like it!" Damien, after a brief examination, decided to try it on. The strange shape of the hat meant that it kept falling forward on him, no matter what he did to try and keep it in place. Instead of helping, William simply laughed at the merman's misfortune.

-

When William eventually agreed to help Damien wear the hat in a way that wouldn't fall off, he began to share stories of his early days in the army. Damien was enthralled, asking questions in a bid to learn more. It was no wonder that both were startled by the arrival of Mark and Celine with lanterns and all the necessities for a feast by the sea. Damien returned to the water while the humans set up, only to resurface when they were ready. His skin needed to be rehydrated for what he knew would be a long evening ahead.

Food, drink and merriment were had that night. Damien had hoisted himself onto the bench so he could fully join in. William honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a good night in the company of his dear friends. Perhaps not having to worry about a secret made it a lot easier to converse. For the first time in a long time, William didn't feel like an outsider amongst his own friends; but he didn't dwell on it much. Instead, he gave witty commentary during Mark's dramatic retelling of events the pair went through as youths.

At some point, Celine had fetched blankets from a sturdy, weathered box hidden amongst the box and wrapped one around herself and Damien. The twins nestled together as time passed, and Damien was content to enjoy being in the company of Celine and all her closest friends at last. 

The low flickering of the lanterns was the cue for the humans to return indoors. With William staying for a few days, Damien was content to let them go without feeling too sorry for himself. There would be plenty of time to chat. He sat on the rocks as he watched Mark help William back up the steps. Even from a distance, he could hear William barking something about how "this means nothing and I'm still stronger than you" and "I swear to God I'll push you down the stairs if you keep laughing at me Mark". 

"He's a good man, that Colonel." Damien jumped when Celine spoke. When did she move to sit beside him?! "When Mark introduced me, I was worried that his loud voice and brashness meant bad things, but he's been such a good, loyal friend over the last few years. I hope that he wasn't too 'much' for you today."

"N-no, no. I… he's exactly like you said he'd be." His eyes were on the two men as they disappeared out of view. "He's not angry that he didn't know about me, is he?"

"Nah." Celine leaned back, enjoying the light sea breeze. "He knew we were hiding something. I think he's happy to know he can be trusted. And he'll be stuck here for at least a day or two while Mark and I are working thanks to that broken foot. I'd bet he'll make it his mission to come down here alone just to show he can."

"I'd like that. He has a lot of stories to tell… Would it be weird if I ask him to keep talking?"

"Not as weird as it is that you've caught some sort of feelings for him. Did you get bitten by a love-bug, brother dearest?"

"Shut up, darling sister," Damien quickly nudged her, only to receive a counter-shove in response. "Just… don't tell him, alright? I know better than to interrupt a human marriage like that." He'd content himself with the company of the man who had captured his attention from the first letter. Celine slid off the rock and stretched. She glanced over her shoulder with a knowing smirk, gesturing to her left hand, which Damien knew was the hand with her engagement ring.

"His ring is on the other hand, Damien. It's a birthday present from his father. Goodnight, brother~" And off she went, gleefully ignoring her brother's confused questions.

"What do you mean he doesn't have a partner??"

[tsarisfanfiction]

Teen Tracys

Muse is on a roll today, it seems (and I even managed to get some uni work done!).  From a conversation with @janetm74 that started over a discussion about punk!teen Virgil with a green mohawk and Eco-Warrior!teen Gordon and snowballed into, well, something a bit like this.

Random, has not been particularly polished, and I threw in a time skip rather than deal with the serious conversation.  Might write that later.

For ages, we’ve got Scott at 21, John’s 19, Virgil’s 17, Gordon’s 13 and Alan’s 9.  Three teenagers in the house; uh oh.

Scott loved his brothers. Really, he did.  But sometimes, they were just too much.  Big brother just didn’t hold the same weight as parent, no matter that he’d helped to raise all of them, and every so often his little brothers remembered that.

“Gordon, no.”

The thirteen-year-old, decked out in nothing but recycled greens, glared up at him with all the self-proclaimed righteousness a teenager could summon.  It was a lot.

“Do you know how much pollution is still being pumped into the oceans?” he demanded, not at all cowed by the fact he barely reached Scott’s chest.  “They finally stopped all the fossil fuel in the 2020s, and plastic was entirely phased out by 2030, and then the world gave itself a nice pat on the back as though that fixed everything!”

Scott had heard this tirade before.  Many, many, times before.

“Yes, Gordon, I know. Preservation of the oceans is important and that’s why this family – and Tracy Industries – does its bit to make sure nothing goes in there that shouldn’t, and is why you take part in charity events to continue to spread awareness.  I know.”  He didn’t have a problem with any of that, either.  No, what he had a problem with were the rallies.

Charity work?  Fine.  More than fine.

The rallies?  Not for an unaccompanied thirteen-year-old boy, and Scott knew they often involved illegally sabotaging places that still produced pollution.  No matter how well-meaning Gordon was, it was Scott’s duty as big brother and guardian not to let him get tangled up in that.

“Clearly you don’t know if you think that’s enough!” Gordon retorted, and Scott sighed.

“Gordon, I know more needs to be done, but it needs to be done legally, and not result in you getting thrown in a lockup, okay?  You’ve got that charity dinner with Lady Penelope next weekend, remember?”

“I can do both!” Gordon protested.  “Scott, I have to go!  It’s important for the planet!”

“Well it’s important to me that you don’t end up-”

Bright green in his periphery killed the rest of the sentence as he turned his head to see his normally sensible, reliable brother looking anything but.

“Virgil, you are not going out looking like that.”

“I can go out looking however I want, Scott.”  Seventeen years old and the teenage attitude Gordon was showing seemed to have infected his next oldest brother at last.  Virgil had been such a quiet, low-effort teenager – even more so than John, whose rebellion had been entirely digital and Scott was quite frankly afraid of what he might have done – until now.

Now, the punk phase had hit, and apparently the colour of the day was green.  Vibrant, radioactive touch-me-and-die green.  In a mohawk.

Scott tried to be the supportive big brother, he really did, but there were lines and the all-leather ensemble complete with mohawk and numerous piercings were pushing it.  Worst of all was the noise-maker he called a trike that he’d gone and bought last week despite being explicitly told not to. That had crossed the line.  There had been much shouting.  Virgil refused to return it, and spent more time in the garage tinkering with it than with his family now.

Gordon considered it an affront, and Scott wasn’t entirely certain it wasn’t going to be a target for the so-called rally if Gordon managed to join it.

“Virgil, please.”

“I want green hair!”

They’d caught Alan’s attention.  Great.

“No, Alan.  You are not dyeing your hair green.”

Realising both green-themed brothers – if for two very different reasons – were both trying to slip out while Alan played distraction, Scott backed up to the front door and blocked it with his body.

“Virgil did!”

“And if his hair dye ends up in your hair, his entire new ensemble is heading straight for the recycler,” Scott growled.  Three little brothers, all at once.  It was enough to give him a headache.  Gordon shifted, a shift that meant trouble, and he remembered the current household feud. “Gordon, if Virgil’s hair dye ends up in Alan’s hair, no more charity events until you’re eighteen.”

“But Scott!”

He didn’t even care which of the three said it.  It could have been all of them.  Why couldn’t they go through teenage rebellion from the sanctity of their bedrooms, like John did?

“I wouldn’t say green’s your colour anyway, Allie.”  As though summoned by Scott’s thoughts, the fourth little brother materialised.  Finally, some sanity- “how about we try black, or a dark blue, to match space?  Maybe Virgil can help make it a galaxy?”

“John!”

Betrayal.  Betrayal of the highest order, but Scott refused to get dramatic about it because he had three drama queens in the house already and that would only encourage them.  Even if the smirk John sent his way made him want to throw something.  Or scream.

Or both.

With four brothers ganging up on him – two because they’d hit the rebellion phase, one because his brothers were, and one just because he could – Scott knew he wasn’t going to win this with his sanity intact.

“Alan, no, you are not dyeing your hair any colour.  Gordon, you are not going to that rally.  Virgil, you are not going out like that.  John, if you’re not going to be helpful, scat.”

“But Scott!”

That was all four of them. In chorus.  If half of them weren’t feuding he’d think the whole thing was choreographed.  Looking at John, he still wasn’t convinced the ginger genius hadn’t managed to orchestrate it.  He was still smirking.

Scott needed to pull out the big guns.

“If you four won’t listen to me, maybe you’ll listen to Grandma.”

The woman was in the garden, taking a well-deserved nap away from five grandsons.  Scott didn’t want to disturb her, but he knew when he was beaten. Two brothers, he could handle. Three, tough but doable.  Four, when one was deliberately stirring the pot? Even Scott had limits.

Any hopes he might have had that the mere threat would be enough died when three defiant – and one amused, damn you, John – faces stared at him.

He pulled out his phone, gave them one more moment to change their minds of their own accord, before making the call.

“Scott?”

“Sorry to interrupt you, Grandma, but can you come back inside?”

“On my way.  What have the trouble-makers done this time?”

Scott gave her a brief rundown, interspersed with varying levels of protest from each brother as it reached their turn.  By the time he was done, the woman was inside the house, regarding all five of them.

Three faces were starting to quail.  Alan in particular looked on the verge of tears, but no teenage rebellion was stopping Virgil being a Grandma’s boy and even Gordon had a healthy respect for her tongue.  John continued to look far too smug, and Scott’s internal alarm bells were ringing.

Still, Grandma was here now. Grandma would sort his brothers out and Scott could get a blissful half hour – maybe even an hour, if he was lucky – without some sort of sibling drama.

“Well, I’m not seeing any problems here.”

What.

Grandma walked straight up to Virgil and started plucking at his jacket, deftly dodging the metallic spikes as she adjusted it on his shoulders.  “When I was your age, it was all pink.  Pink leather, pink hotpants.”  She winked in Scott’s direction and the urge to scream bubbled up in his chest.  “I dyed my hair to match.”

At least his brothers seemed to be as dumbstruck as him about that, even if Scott was watching his last bastion of support crumble before his eyes.

“Your Grandpa had the most amazing Harley,” she continued.  “Ooh, what a beauty.  Such a smooth ride.  He really knew how to treat a girl, your Grandpa.”

Nope.  Absolutely nope.  Scott needed brain bleach, and an escape from the madhouse, preferably before he screamed.

With a hoarse yell that was only a yell, and not a scream at all, he yanked the front door open, all but ran through it, and slammed it so hard a shingle slid from the roof.

He stared at it for a moment before surging into a run, past the garage and that damn trike, over the front gate, and headed straight for… who cared, as long as it was away. Right then, the house could collapse or burn to the ground for all he really cared.

Scott tried to be tolerant, he tried to be fair to all of his brothers, but sometimes it was just too much to handle.

***

“Scott?”

He’d ended up sitting in a tree after running all through the woodland until his legs burned.  Apparently, that wasn’t enough to stop his grandmother finding him when she wanted to.

“Are you ready to come home, dear?” she called up.  He sighed and let his head thud against the trunk.

“Am I going to be ganged up on by my brothers over stupid things if I do?” he asked.  “Because I think I’ve had enough of that.”

“Your brothers and I had a nice long chat, and we’ve put some new house rules in place,” she told him. “Gordon has agreed no more rallies and Alan no longer wants his hair dyed.”

“And Virgil and John?” he asked warily.

“Virgil has agreed not to provoke Gordon any more, but you two need to talk about policing each other’s clothes, young man.”  Scott winced. “As for John, he knows he went too far, but just like with Virgil, you are going to have to talk to each other like the reasonable young men you are.”  There was no reproach in her tone, but Scott felt scolded all the same.

He didn’t want to go home, but if Grandma was promising no more carnage…  Scott could never bring himself to leave his brothers for too long.  Reluctantly, he eased himself out of the tree, swinging from the last branch to the ground below.

“I know you don’t like what Virgil’s done to his hair,” Grandma said, looping her arm through his. “But remember it’s his hair, not yours.”

“It’s not that,” Scott admitted.  “He can do what he wants with it; it’s that trike.  He can’t wear a helmet with his hair all spiked up like that!”

“Then you should tell him that’s why you disapprove.”  Grandma was, as always, full of logic.  “None of you boys can read minds, you know.  You have to talk to each other.”

“I know,” Scott sighed. “Sorry, Grandma, I messed up.”

“You’re just worried about them.”  She squeezed his arm fondly.  “They’ll appreciate it when they’re older.”

“Will they?”

“They’re not the first teenage boys I’ve raised,” she reminded him.  “There’s nothing you and your brothers have done that your father and uncle Lee didn’t do already.”

“…Even the punk mohawk?”

“I still have the photos.”

[petersasteria]

Younger (I) - Holland!Reader

Back at it again with a theme

Inspired by: Younger by Ruel

The prequel of this will be coming out soon x

Holland!Reader Masterlist || TH Masterlist || HH Masterlist

Rich kid AU

* * * *

"Deep in my heart I know that it's over Deleted your number, so I can't call you Call you my brother, the way that we used to When we were younger, younger"

Grief does a lot of things to a person. It also hits different for everyone depending on who died and depending on how close these people were to the one who met their untimely demise. In this case, the Holland family were the most affected with grief. The Holland children's grandfather died and they were terribly heartbroken. But the most heartbroken one of all was Nikki and Dominic Holland's only daughter, Y/N.

Y/N was close to her grandfather only because she was the only daughter and because of that, she was the favorite. Her brothers didn't mind, though. However, it did bother Sam and Harry only because they were triplets.

Y/N had been living in Paris for quite some time now, four years to be precise, and she hasn't been in contact with her siblings since she left London to follow the man she loved; truly loved. She hated the way she left her situation with her siblings, most especially Tom.

"Timmy, are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Y/N asked the love of her life. Timmy was a tall and lanky lad who had beautiful curls and beautiful green eyes.

Timmy gave her a soft smile and lightly nodded his head, "I'm sure. Y/N, your brothers hate me with a passion. You haven't spoken to them for four years. I think you should go there to grieve and make things right with your brothers. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your grandfather. I'm sure he would want that."

"Fine, I will." Y/N sighed. "I'll come back soon, okay?"

Timmy only nodded and went back to his painting. They lived in a small apartment in Paris. It was the only one they could afford. Y/N could've bought a larger apartment for both of them, but she came to Paris with only little money in her pocket.

Timmy was a painter and he sold his paintings to anyone who commissioned him. He has been saving up for Paris ever since he was little. Y/N supported him all the time, especially when Timmy hasn't been getting commissioned. Whenever that happened, Timmy took up painting jobs. If he were lucky, sometimes a rich client would hire him to paint a nursery or the master's bedroom and then he'd be paid a generous amount.

Y/N got a job at a bakery and it helped pay the bills. It wasn't the life Y/N pictured for herself, but this was better and more real and more down to earth. She preferred waking up next to the man she loved rather than waking up to a rich man who was betrothed to her all for business purposes.

A few days later, Y/N left Paris to go to London just in time for the funeral. Y/N may not be in touch with her siblings, but she was in touch with her mother. After all, a mother could not bare to not speak to their child. Nikki was the one who told Y/N about her grandfather's passing. It was a heartbreaking call for both of them; Y/N was heartbroken when she was told the bad news and Nikki was heartbroken when she told Y/N and when she heard her daughter's cries. Nikki wished nothing but to hold her and tell her that everything will be okay, but she couldn't.

All eyes were on Y/N when she arrived in the funeral. Her parents were the first to hug her tightly with Paddy following. He missed his older sister dearly. Y/N cried when she saw her youngest brother and their parents left them alone to have a moment.

"You've grown so much!" Y/N cried as she pulled away to get a good look at the youngest Holland. Paddy smiled, "Yeah, it's been four years. I'm twenty now."

Y/N wiped her tears away, "I can't believe I missed so much, but I'm here now."

"Does that mean you'll stay for good?" Paddy asked. He was hopeful. His sister was his anchor and she knew him better than anyone else.

Y/N frowned and shook her head, "I'm sorry."

"Of course, she won't stay. Don't be so surprised, Paddy. It's not like she actually stayed last time." A voice interrupted. The pair turned their head to see Tom who was bitterly looking at Y/N, up and down.

"Hello, Thomas." Y/N said politely. "I've missed you."

"Well, I haven't." Tom said bitterly. His words were venomous. "You left, remember? You had no intention on coming back and I've accepted that already and it's time for Paddy to accept that too."

"But Tom-" Paddy said. Tom quickly turned to him and shook his head, "Paddy, you shouldn't have this wishful thinking of Y/N coming back. She's only here for the funeral and then she'll leave again to go back to her poor lover."

Paddy shut his mouth and walked away. Tom's words hurt his feelings and he didn't want to say anything he'd regret, so he decided to be the bigger person and left.

"We could've had everything, Y/N. You're so selfish!" Tom spat and crossed his arms. Y/N didn't say anything as she stood there in front of her older brother.

"Sam, would you look at that. It's our triplet." Harry said when he approached Y/N with Sam. "Hello, Y/N. I hope Paris has been treating you good."

"Hello, Harry. Yes, it's been treating me good. I work at a bakery." Y/N said proudly.

"Bakery?" Sam chortled. "Linda worked at a bakery before she became our maid. Besides, you don't even know how to bake. Last time I checked, you nearly burnt the kitchen down."

"I learned, Sam. I learned." Y/N said. "I know working at a bakery isn't what I'm supposed to be doing, but it's honest work and it kind of pays well."

"Pays well? What, your boyfriend can't pay for you?" Harry joked.

"Harry, what do you expect? Timmy's poor. He could never give Y/N a wonderful life like our parents pictured her to have." Tom rolled his eyes.

"It's not the life I pictured either." Y/N told them. Tom opened his mouth to talk but he got cut off by Y/N, "But it's a humble and simple life and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. All of you would understand that if you're in love. Other things don't matter anymore because at the end of the day, it'll just be me and him in Paris as we start a life together. That's the dream, isn't it?"

Harry looked down and Sam dismissed it, "Maybe you're right, but maybe you're wrong. Maybe that's your dream. Don't generalize it. Let's go, Harry. It's clear that Tom and Y/N need to speak with each other." Just like that, Sam left.

Harry stayed put and walked towards Y/N as he put a hand on her shoulder with a small smile on his face, "It's good to see you, though. Even if it's just for a while." Harry quickly left after that.

Tom looked at Y/N and said, "We'll talk after the ceremony." He left and Y/N sighed. The ceremony quickly started after that. The Holland patriarch said a few words followed by Y/N as said on one of the death wishes of grandpa Holland.

Y/N cleared her throat, "I, uh, I didn't know that I was going to speak up here so, I'll just talk from the heart." She made eye contact with her mother and Nikki just smiled and nodded for her to continue.

"Being the only daughter of my family, I was immediately the closest to my grandfather. Though, he would say that he loved us equally, everyone knew that he loved me most. I asked him about it one day and he told me, 'Your grandmother loves Tom, Sam, Harry, and Paddy. She loves you too, but she loves the boys more and we both know that's no secret. When one of the boys are in trouble with your parents, she'd be there for them. Y/N, I want to be the one who's there for you. Someone has to look out for the only girl and it would be an honor for me to be able to do that' ."

"And he did. He looked out for me when no one else would and our bond was pretty strong. He loved me when I thought no one else did. He was my shoulder to cry on and he was my hero. From taking out a spider from my room to helping me through my first heartbreak, he was there to save me. It's just sad because my number one hero is gone now and no one else will be there for me anymore. My brothers still have grandma and I'm left with no one." Y/N's breath hitched and she quickly covered it up.

"Grandpa was a loving man. He loved people and he saw the good in people even when they were mean. He taught me that life was too short to hate and I guess that's why he spent his whole life giving love and spreading love. I remember a lot of things that showed him being so loving."

"He loved my brother, Harry. He was his second favorite." Y/N chuckled lightly. "But when Harry used grandpa's credit card to buy something online, I thought he'd love Harry less." She and Harry made eye contact. Harry didn't know about that side of the story. Heck, he didn't even remember the story until Y/N mentioned it.

"But I was wrong. If anything, he loved Harry even more if that was possible. I asked him why and grandpa told me these wise words that I'll never forget. He said, 'Y/N, when you love someone, you love them with everything in your heart. Loving someone is sticking through the good times and loving them even more during the bad times because during the bad times, people need someone who love them unconditionally. When people feel bad about themselves, usually all they need is love'. I guess that's why he had it in his heart to just shrug off what Harry did because Harry felt bad about what he did."

"And as I stand here in front of all you, I want to tell you that from now on, I'll live the rest of my life like my grandfather; I want to give and spread love. I also want to say that I would like to have a man in my life like how grandpa was when he was still here and I'm confident to announce that I already found that man." Y/N smiled at the end.  She looked at her grandfather's closed coffin and sighed, "I'll miss you, grandpa."

A few moments later, he was buried. Far from everyone, there stood Tom and Y/N. Y/N stared at her brother as he puffed out smoke from his mouth before taking another hit from the cancer on a stick.

"Since when did you start smoking?" She asked quietly. Tom glanced at her and shrugged. He threw the cigarette butt on the ground and stepped on it to put it out. "Since when did you care?" He asked.

"I've always cared. You're my brother and we'll always be related whether you like it or not." Y/N said as Tom nodded, "Let's talk. Where did we stop?"

"You told me I was selfish before Sam and Harry interrupted us." She reminded.

"Ahh, yes." Tom said and turned to face her. "You're selfish."

"How was I selfish?" Y/N asked.

"You should've just married him and then we would've made the deal." Tom sighed disappointingly.

"But I didn't love him and I still don't and I never will because I love Timmy. If you can't accept that, then fine. Timmy and I don't need validation from anyone especially from you." Y/N argued.

"I'm still the eldest, Y/N and anything I say, goes." Tom said sternly.

"Yeah and you're my brother." Y/N said as tears streamed down her face. "You were supposed to have my back just like I have yours. You're the selfish one, not me! Did I ever really matter to you, Tom?"

"Are you crazy? Of course you mattered to me! You're my baby sister and you always will be." Tom shrieked.

"If I mattered to you like you said you did, why are you so mad at me? Why are you so mad at Timmy, huh? He's done nothing wrong! He's a good guy and yes, he's struggling financially but I don't care. I don't care one bit and if I don't care, why do you?" Y/N sniffed and wiped her tears.

"Because I want what's best for you! For all we know, it's all just an act and he's only with you for money or sex. Haven't you ever thought of that?!" Tom raised his voice.

"No-"

"Well, tough luck because I have!" Tom shouted. "Since you met him, all I've been thinking about is your safety and if he's not using you!"

"Is that how low you think of Timmy?!" Y/N challenged. "Scratch that, is that how low you think of people who don't have the same lifestyle as you?! Because if it is, change it, Thomas. It's not good because believe it or not, not everyone in this world is after your fucking money!"

"Hey, that's enough!" Harry shouted as Sam and Paddy jogged towards them. "Mum told me to come get both of you because lunch will be served at home. But now that I'm here, I can see that both of you aren't ready to get your shit together so that we can have one decent family meal!" Harry yelled angrily. He was sick and tired of Tom being so bitter and shady all the time when Y/N was away.

"See what you've done, Y/N?! Our family's messed up because of you!" Tom spat.

"Don't go blaming this on her, twat!" Sam declared. "You're the one who can't let go of things!"

"Sam, may I remind you that I've arranged for her to marry so that we could have that partnership?! It would've made us more successful and wealthier! But she chose to follow that poor excuse of a man to Paris and she fucking stayed there! He probably doesn't even love her! He's probably in it for the money!" Tom's words were full of poison and venom. All the anger he had was now flowing non-stop. He had to take deep breaths as everyone stayed silent. The tension was thick.

"What if they're in love with each other?" Paddy interrupted. Tom scoffed, "Pads, that's preposterous!"

Paddy looked at the eldest Holland boy and nodded, "Ahh, you haven't thought about it, I see. If they're genuinely in love with each other and if they're not hurting anyone, there's nothing wrong with that."

"What do you fucking mean?" Tom questioned.

"I'm saying, Y/N's a grown woman. Just let her be. If she's happy with Timmy, then let her be happy." Paddy explained.

"She said that about Peter and where did that get her?" Tom fumed. "Absolutely nowhere! She said that she loved him and that she was so sure that she and Peter were destined to be together. And what happened next?"

"He left her for someone else." Sam interjected.

Tom pointed at Sam and said, "Exactly! He left her for someone else."

"Yeah, Peter did that." Paddy nodded. "But this is Timmy we're talking about. Peter and Timmy are different guys."

"Are you saying that we should just allow Y/N to do something she hasn't thoroughly thought of? She went and fucking followed him to Paris with no plan at all!" Tom argued.

"Not everything should be planned and thought of." Harry interrupted. He looked at Y/N and smiled a bit, "What she did was spontaneous and grandpa would love that because she did it for love."

"So, she should just forget our family, is that what you're saying?" Tom berated as he stared at his younger siblings.

Sam stared at Tom and shrugged, "You said that, not us. All we're saying is that we should just let her be. She's not a kid anymore. She can think for herself and if she thinks that being with Timmy in Paris is right for her, then she should follow it especially if it makes her happy."

Y/N's heart swelled at Sam's words. She didn't expect him to say that.

"We'll leave you two alone now." Sam said before walking away with Harry. Paddy looked between Tom and Y/N and sighed, "Fix this." Paddy left too.

Tom and Y/N stood in silence for a while until Tom started to talk, "I'm sorry."

She looked at him in shock. Tom has never really apologized before because of his pride, so this was a new experience for him. Tom squeezed his eyes shut as he inhaled the fresh air through his nose and exhaled through his mouth.

He opened his eyes and looked at her, "I don't usually say sorry, but here I am apologizing. Like I said earlier, I'm the eldest and by default, it's my job to look after all four of you and it'll be my job for the rest of my life until my last breath. So, excuse me for being really overprotective. You're our only sister. Mum and dad would kill me if anything happened to you because out of all four of you, I should pay attention to you most. That's why I'm always in your business. I want to make you're not making a stupid and big mistake because if you do make a stupid and big mistake without my knowledge, mum and dad wouldn't get mad at you. They'd be mad at me for not doing my job."

"I'm sorry I said that Timmy was a poor excuse of a man. That was below the belt. I just don't like Timmy for you." Tom confessed. "I know that's not a valid reason, but I'll try my best to get to know him, so  that I can see why you like him so much. I just hope it's not too late and I know that I have so many to make up for, I just don't know where to begin."

Y/N stared at him before pulling him into a hug, "I meant what I said back there. I want to live the rest of my life like grandpa. So, I forgive you and for the record, you already began by saying sorry."

She pulled away and smiled at him, "Tom, I love you."

"You do?" Tom cried. "After all the harsh things I said?"

"You're my brother and my love for you will always be constant. I loved you before and I love you now. I also loved you during the those four years, I especially loved you then." She told him.

"I love you too, more than I love myself, actually." Tom smiled and wiped his tears.

"Good." Y/N chuckled. "So, lunch?"

Tom nodded, "Lunch. I'm starving."

The pair walked back to their family and they felt at ease knowing that everything will be alright now. Y/N forgave him a long time ago and now it was time for Tom to forgive himself just like how Y/N forgave him.

Grief does a lot of things to a person. Sometimes, grief can be a bridge to connect two people and replace the old bridge that was burned. Y/N may have lost her closest family member, but she gained back her relationship with Tom. After all, when one person leaves us, another one will arrive.

* * * *

I can't wait to write the prequel of this

𝐓𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @abrielleholland @poguesholland @superheroesaremytea @marshxx @buckys-little-hoe @harryismysunflower @itstaskeen @hollandsrecs @ilarbu @slytherin-chaser @quaksonhehe @lil-mellow-bunbun @turtoix @badreputationlove @swiftmind

𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @sufwubi @abrielleholland @osterfieldnholland @purplepizza-summerrain @euphorichxlland @marshxx @lizzyosterfield @itstaskeen @ilarbu

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell @justasmisunderstoodasloki @rubberducky-jrr @petersholland @osterfieldnholland @miraclesoflove @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @perspectiveparker @hollands-weasley @itstaskeen @call-me-baby-gir1 @the-panwitch @iamaunicorn4704 @chloecreatesfictions @holland-styles @halfblood-princess-505 @spidey-reids-2003 @herbatkazmiloscia @whatthefuckimbisexual (thanks for helping me sis uwu)

[identybeautynet]

Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals

Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals Courtesy Burberry “Read my lips, I need a big dick boy. Ain’t nobody slanging it right,” the musician Shygirl raps on the opening lines of her new song “BDE,” featuring Slowthai. It’s a bold claim, and one that speaks to the East London native’s life mantra: freedom is everything. “If someone said to you, you can do whatever you want in this room, you’d do something that you wouldn’t usually do,” Shygirl says over Zoom, where she’s speaking from her home in South London. “It’s about being able to run away with some aspects of yourself, less about being something different, but in each of these spaces, you’re allowed a bit more room to breathe.” The artist, who makes bass-heavy, club-ready tracks that straddle electro, pop, and hip-hop, is known for fashion and beauty looks that match her out-there, over-the-top music. Her deepest fantasies and whimsies make both the aesthetic and the music—and fashion brands like Burberry have taken note. (The brand’s creative director Riccardo Tisci cast Shygirl in his latest Burberry Beauty campaign after stumbling across one of her music videos on Instagram.) We caught up with Shygirl a few days before the release of “BDE” to discuss her proclivity toward skincare, her grandmother’s beauty tips, and why eating an opulent meal is the ultimate form of luxury. How did you come to make your latest single “BDE” with Slowthai? I wrote this single ages ago with Karma Kid. We were in the studio and I’d actually been up the night before at some warehouse party. I was definitely really hungover—I think I was probably still drunk when I got to the studio, so I was still kind of in that party mood. The words came really quickly as I was recording, which isn’t always the case. Sometimes I think of a hook and then we flesh it out later, or there’s a funny turn of phrase I’m playing with, and I start like that. But this one was based on a frustrating encounter I’d had with someone. And I was like, I’m just going to get this out in a song. I really wanted to work with a male vocalist and I’ve loved Slowthai’s energy for ages. I’m objectifying men so much in that song, I thought it would be nice to hand the mic over and and be like, Okay, I’ve said this—what do you have to say for yourself? Ty’s the person for that platform, because he doesn���t talk about sex that much on his tracks. So it was nice to have that Shygirl effect. We met up in the studio, hung out, and I was like, okay, the theme is sex—spin it, and be as crass and vulgar as possible because that’s the way I've set the stage. Shygirl wears Burberry Beauty in her video for “BDE.” I love the fantasy of the Tasty video. What was on your mood board for it, specifically when it came to the beauty looks? Growing up, my mom was really into ‘80s music. And I loved that ‘80s look: heavy blush on the face, and how expressive that is, especially when looking at the queer community being represented in music. There’s something about that that which speaks to freedom and playfulness, and there’s a massive synergy with where I’m coming from, which is take me serious in this space, but also not that serious. There’s also something exciting about not being within the confines of my facial features, and pushing those boundaries. That’s why I bleached my eyebrows and change the space that we’re able to use with all the makeup we do. I sent a lot of references over, but I’m really drawn to color palettes; I have phases of different colors that make me feel comfortable and happy. I’ve been lucky to work with some really great makeup artists who take my garbled references and moods that I tell them and make it look sexy. Because there’s something sexy about not staying within the lines. Onto the Beauty Notes questions. When you wake up in the morning, what’s the first thing you do, beauty wise? First thing I do is wash my face, ‘cause I’m probably still wearing mascara from the night before. I use the Garnier Micellar water as a cleanser, and I bought because it’s pink. Then, I put on the Aliver 24K Gold Collagen Eye Mask eye patches. I bought a pack of, like, 100. They make me feel like a modern-day American Psycho. Then I use the Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion, because there’s something watery about their products, they just feel light on your skin. And my skin’s really sensitive, so I don't usually wear much. I have a rose quartz roller that I use after I’ve moisturized, which I find so relaxing. I’ve also got to mention that, when I wash my face, I wash it with warm and then cold water. Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion $30 See On Sephora What does that do? Something about opening up your pores with the warm water and then tightening them with cold water. My grandma told me that when I was younger—my dad’s mum gave me this obsession with clear skin from a young age. We’ve kind of got it naturally and she takes really good care of it, as does my dad. Usually, people pick up beauty tips from their mum, but my mum was a bit more tomboy-ish. What’s a piece of skincare advice that you received from your grandmother that changed your perspective on beauty? My grandmother comes up with a lot of un-PC phrases. One of the un-PC things she used to say was, never trust a man with bad skin. I remember when I’d tell her about boys I fancied and she’d be like, oh no, his skin’s terrible. Also, she uses oils on her body, but not on her face. She’s big on oils. I have naturally curly hair, so I went through such a period of using loads of different greasy hair products, and she told me that all affects your skin. Whenever I FaceTime my nan and my dad, that’s the first thing they ask: are you eating right? I can see on your skin, you’re not getting enough of this or that. What’s the one product that you can’t live without? The Charlotte Tilbury Magic Night Cream. It’s literally the best money I’ve ever spent on a beauty product. It just does what it says, and I don’t feel like I need to use it that religiously, but I need to know that I have it, especially when I’m traveling a lot. And even in lockdown, I’ve had a lot of travel for work. The air dries out my skin, and sometimes I need it before I wake up, just to start the day fresh. Charlotte Tilbury Magic Night Cream $145 See On Sephora What’s your favorite product at this very moment? I only really wear mascara for eye makeup every day, and at the moment I’ve been wearing this really good mascara that Burberry makes. I like a spiky, wider mascara, ‘cause if that’s the only thing I’m wearing, I’m going to make sure it’s visible. I’m not too neat with it—I like a slightly messy mascara look because there are hints there, where you’re telling people who you are. I want to be expressive. Ultimate Lift Mascara $30 Burberry See On Burberry What’s the best makeup or skincare tip you’ve picked up on set? Exfoliating my lips. That’s something I didn’t do enough of; sometimes when I’m on set, we use wipes with a somewhat rougher texture before we put anything on my lips.   What’s your ideal spa day and where? I found this place recently called Beaverbrook in Surrey, just outside of London. In December, I just needed to get out of my house, I needed a spa break, I needed a massage, I needed to be in a hotel, I just needed something. It’s kind of a big deal spa, which I didn’t know, but I got a room after someone else’s cancellation. It was really nice—it’s in the countryside and it was raining the whole weekend, so I felt like I was in Wuthering Heights. I looked out onto the fields watching the rain, and just felt so British. Is going to the spa your favorite form of self-care? I take more care of my mind than my body—what’s sometimes good for the soul isn’t always good for your body. I’m self-indulgent, and the biggest thing that feeds me is doing something spontaneously. The idea that I can just pick up and do something that I want to do is what gratifies me the most. That could be taking the day, canceling a bunch of meetings to remind myself that I’m in control of my life. More times, it’s going out to a restaurant and eating something obscene. You know in Parks and Recreation when they’re like, “Treat yourself”? That’s my life. I really love a beautiful meal, and there’s something so opulent about being waited on in some form and having someone else make your food. We only include products that have been independently selected by W's editorial team. However, we may receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article. beauty tips: Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals, Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals, Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals,  Read the full article

[readingsoyoucanavoidlife]

In Denial

Sometimes I just want everyone to be happy and alive, so here is my headcanons for if Tom Riddle never existed. 

~James and Lily never have to fight in a war, so James becomes a professional quidditch player and he became the longest reining Captain before he quit, bought the club and became the manager for it, as well as the coach for the players. Lily becomes a healer at St. Mungo’s and was able to invent a cure for dragon pox. When James’ parents died as a result of the disease she worked tirelessly researching it and came up with and affective cure. She has a portrait hanging in the hospital and after a long day sometimes has conversations with it (it the only way she can have a decent conversation in her current state). James teases her about it a lot.  

~They get pregnant at a later age, because their relationship doesn’t move as fast since there is the lack of war pressure and not knowing what will happen to them. Same goes for the Weasleys and Andromeda so they all have their children later. (Canonly Molly and Arthur got married quicker because of war) And I’m just going to say that the Grangers had fertility problems, so had Hermione later. (this way the ages and relationships stay the same)

~After Harry they have three more children; Grace Iris Mia Potter, Sophie Lily Potter and Danial Charles Monty Potter. (In that order) (Iris and Charles are Lily’s parents names and Mia and Monty are shortened from Euphemia and Fleamont). Remus becomes Godfather to Grace, Peter (since he couldn’t betray them) becomes Godfather to Sophie, and Marlene becomes Godmother to Danial. Grace is two years younger than Harry (the year bellow Ginny), Sophie is one year bellow her and Danial is two years bellow that.

~They don’t see Dudley or their actual Aunt and Uncle often, they tend to meet up to have a tense cup of tea once a year. The Potter’s always send them birthday and Christmas gifts but the Dursley’s never do. They hardly heat from them until Dudley reaches out saying that he thinks his child is magical. James laughs a lot at this and more specifically the looks on Petunia’s and Vernon’s faces. They do agree to help him and his family understand. 

~When McGonagall becomes Headmistress, the sorting becomes more based on personality and not character and bloodline. Thus ending the prejudice towards the houses. This is the thing that she brings to Hogwarts like the other Heads have done before her. (Dumbledore's was giving people, like Remus, chances) However this is before Minnie’s time so they are all in Griffindor. She becomes Headmistress in Harrys 6th year when Dumbledore leaves to retire in a tropical country, there is no imminent threat so why should he stay at school? His only problem is that sometimes it’s too hot to wear socks.  

~Grace works for the ministry and falls in love with a guy who went to Durmstrang but now works in England, named Eric Luka. They end up having a daughter together, Scarlett Luka. Although when Scarlett is a year old, he walks out on them. Grace becomes a single mum for four years before her co-worker Aiden Murphey asks her out. They had always been friends as he had been a year above her at school, although he was in Ravenclaw. They get married and Scarlett changes her name to Luka-Murphy. They have three children together Liam, then a year later Finn and a year after that they have Owen.

~Sophie become a wizard robe designer and manages to bring some more modern and muggle aspects to the wizarding world. She starts her own clothing brand and falls for some one in Danial’s year. Zoe Phillips, they get married but don’t have any kids. They are perfectly content with spoiling their nieces and nephews.

~Danial is the perfect child of the family and people try to not like him because of it, but end up giving in because he is so nice. He is an architect for the wizarding world and marries a Hufflepuff in his year called Audrey, she is also an architect. Again they are the perfect couple that is so sickening but you can’t help liking them. They have two daughters, Emily and Olivia, who is four years younger. 

~Wolfstar is a thing (as it always has been), they are together up until Harry’s 7th year. They are facing difficult struggles and are always shouting at each other, even though they still love each other. They decide to take a break and they each are set up on dates. Sirius with some guy and Remus with Tonks. On this date Remus gets very drunk because he misses Sirius and they sleep together. 

~ A week later they promise to be better and stop their break. Although after three months, Tonks contacts Remus to tell him that she is pregnant, and it is his decision whether he wants to be part of it or not. Remus has his freak out about whether the baby will be like him and what Sirius will say. 

~Sirius understands what has happened and doesn’t blame Remus because they were on a break, but is upset that he was with someone else. After a talk with James, Sirius feels better and is by Remus’ side the whole way and becomes excited for a baby when Remus calls Tonks to say that he wants to be a part of it (secretly he had always been jealous about the way his nieces and nephews look at James and Lily). Tonks knows how in love the boys are.

~Wolfstar begins to miss out on baby stuff and Sirius complains that its not how its meant to be when the kid arrives, so Tonks come to live with them. Tonks love the arrangement because she doesn’t have to be alone and the boys dote on her and the baby once he arrives. James becomes a Godfather. They continue living together until Teddy a bit after Teddy turns one. Tonks moves to London to be closer to her work and they co-parent using floo network all the time. Sirius normally watches him during the day since he is a wizarding writer and Remus is a professor at Hogwarts (floo’s into work) and Tonks is an auror.

~Harry and Ron become Friends with Hermione when they save her from trouble with Filch for being out after bed (she was in the Library for too long). They help her with the invisibility cloak and she lies for them when McGonagall reveals them from under the cloak when she stepped on the end of it.  

~Neville has a happy childhood and is coated in his parents love, by the time he gets to school he is much more confident. He still takes a toad but his parents gave him an owl. Alice and Frank support all of his choices and are proud of every accomplishment he makes, even if his Grandmother says that it’s a waste of their time and effort. He and Harry are close friends from a very young age because of their parents, although they never really were best friends. When they went to Hogwarts and Harry went off with Ron they still looked out for each other and laughed together.

~Ron and Hermione (Ginny when they got older) came over to the Potter’s for some of the holidays, like they would go to the Weasleys for some before parting for a week before September 1st for “family time” and so their parents could see them off. Because of this Sirius and Remus become close with Ron and Hermione, so when Mrs. Weasley hosts a party (when Teddy is around three) they are invited too as part of the Potter family. Tonks comes along too as a family outing with Teddy. Teddy and Victorie hit it off and begged their parents to have play together more. Tonks sees Charlie at the party and starts talking to him as they were in the same year at school, though in different houses. He introduces her to his friend who works with him and is recently moving to London to lead the organization for dragon well-fair in England, protesting to let the Gringotts dragons free. In short Tonks and the person get together. (still unsure on what her partner identifies as but they are from a Greek pure-blood family with the surname Samaras).

~Charlie never marries or truly settles down but treats his dragons like children and is the best uncle ever.

~Bill comes to England not because of war but because he accidentally got promoted and had to move back. Him and Fleur still get married quickly, and have Victorie a year after that, Dominique come after two years and Louis three years after that. They pretty much lead the same lives other than the fact that their wedding isn’t crashed by Death Eaters and Fleur insists they have it in France (since they don’t have to stay in England for it)

~Hemione and Ron get together in 7th year in a similar sort of way. Ron is caught by Hermione tell off some kids for playing pranks on the house elves and teaches they about their history and situation. She can’t help herself, so she snogs him in the deserted corridor after the kids have gone. 

~Ginny and Harry break up after his 7th year, she wanted more independence especially since this was her last year and the only year attending the school without her family there. Harry was also going to auror training and starting his own path in the world and wanted to experience being by himself in the world, with new responsibilities. They both date a few people whilst broken up and remain close friends, they were each other’s firsts (Harry’s 7th year) but were with other people too. After four years, Ginny made the Harpies first team and one the match for them. Like before, Harry and her ended up kissing in front of the entire stadium, they have been together ever since. 

~ Ron and Harry both became aurors but shortly after Remus retires (he was getting more tiered after the full moons with his age and Sirius’ book became a best selling novel in the muggle and wizarding world so he could support them comfortably), he became the DADA professor. After joining the aurors he never felt like it was a good choice for him and didn’t know what he wanted to do, so he just stuck it out. That was until Remus mentioned he was retiring early and that they were struggling to find a competent professor. 

~Ginny does take maternity leave with each of her children (Jake, Samuel and Lyra - because no one is dead) but still play for the harpies until she is forced to retire. After retiring she writes sports articles for both the Prophet and the Quibbler, becoming chief editor of both. Harry is able to take care of the kids whilst she is away, with the help of a nanny. They both couldn’t see a reason to put either of their careers on hold. 

~Ron revolutionized the strategies that were used and as a result far less people were harmed and more people joined the force. He still took a 7 year break to be a stay at home dad whilst Hermione was being a boss, but practically worked part time since everyone respected his opinion and always asked for his advice (he got paid half time wages because of this). When Rose and Hugo both went to a muggle primary school, Ron worked for them officially again, but because of all the work he had done he rose quickly through the ranks and when the old head of the aurors retired, he became head of the department.

~Fred didn’t die so him and Angelina became a permanent couple (they never wanted to or could be bothered with getting married). They always had an on and off thing since the Yule Ball, they were the only people that they ever were in love with, despite their previous inconsistency. They only had one kid together. Joseph Weasley. Fred wanted him to have a sibling like he had but Angelina only ever wanted one and he had many cousins, George had his second kid at the same time and the boys were practically twins. (Fred II is renamed to Luke Weasley, since Fred didn’t die)

~George married Katie Bell after running into her at Diagon Ally whilst locking up the shop (Fred was out with Angelina that night). They agreed to catch up and it resulted in them having an amazing time, which ended with Katie giving George her contact details. They got pregnant with Roxanne just after George had proposed, so the wedding was preponed until she was there. Unfortunately Katie got pregnant again with Luke just when they started planning the wedding. two years later they finally got married and their children walked down the isle (it was the cutest thing, Molly was weeping).  

~Percy and Oliver fall in love ( how do you expect two guys that are the definition of opposites attract share a room for 7 years and have nothing happen) Oliver stops Percy from being a complete prat as there is no ministry fall out with his family to get him to that point. Oliver makes him realize that his family are the greatest gift, especially with all their flaws. They have a small ceremony with only family and close friends and adopt a little witch naming her after Molly, three years later they adopt another witch and name her Lucy. 

~Snape and Lily still fall out with him calling her a mudblood, just because there wasn’t an group to kill those like her doesn’t mean he didn’t hang around with prejudice people and have those views. He still become potions professor when Slughorn retires. Though occasionally he will get howlers from the Potter’s and Longbottom's shouting at him for his behavior towards his students along with some howlers from Marlene and Dorcas, Emmeline, Mary, Sirius and Peter with use of his old nicknames they had for him. (because how dare he disrespect their friends kids)

~Peter still is friends with the marauders, but he moves away from them and distances himself every year to the point where they only write to each other to celebrate special occasions. He never finds a partner or has children but does become a pub manager and lives comfortably.   

~Draco and the Golden trio make their peace at the end of 7th year. They never become friends, they just forgive each other ( for the most part, him calling Hermione a mudblood is not forgiven). They act civilly towards one another, especially when Scorpius and Samuel announce that they are dating. They learn to tolerate but nothing more.  

[the-resurrection-3d]

so what was ever good about acotar anyway?

For some reason, I’ve been very tempted to reread ACOTAR lately, and so I’m going to just make a quick list of what I remember specifically endearing the book to me back when I first read it in 2016 so we can compare notes later. This will, however, also include some retroactive criticisms now that we’re four years on from ACOWAR ruining everything forever. 

Twigger warnings for discussions of abuse, csa and neglect, as well as me using my complimentary R Slur Pass.

For some context: 

>Be 18yr me in 2016. 

>Be in your first semester at college. 

>Be so fed up with YA romance that you avoid books just for hinting at them in the summary. 

>Be also brainstorming a series with your roommate called The Cuckmaster Saga. 

This is probably going to sound embarrassing, but I’m being completely sincere when I say that part of why this book excited me was simply the novelty of finding a YA romance book that I liked. 

I’d fallen out hard with YA in general by this point in my life, partially because of a string of fairy tale “retellings” that clearly gave zero fucks about the source material beyond using the iconography in its marketing. Folklore had been my special interest for a while, and my excitement for the series and all its little extra niche references coincided with finally getting to study folklore in a true academic setting.

Which leads me to point one:

I love the idea of combining BatB and the Tam Lin ballad. I know some people have complained about this, but honestly, I enjoyed finding a retelling that mimicked the mix-and-match structuring of a lot of folktales. ACOTAR isn’t even the messiest or least coherent mash-up by a huge margin. Unfortunately, this aspect of the series severely lessened as it went along — remember when we all thought ACOWAR was going to be a Snow White retelling and then there was just one scene with poisoned apples? Lmao.

[If anyone wants an author who does YA mash-ups that are actually YA, I’d recommend Rosamund Hodge, whose books are always interesting in their sheer weirdness even when the story itself slightly falters. I mean, I wrote a whole 20-page thesis on her Red Riding Hood/Maiden Without Hands retelling and still didn’t cover everything I had thoughts on. (Tragically, however, I must inform you all that she is a Catholic Reylo. Rest in pepperoni.)]

It is fucking hilarious in retrospect that SJM clearly knows a bunch of different folktales and folkloric creatures but thinks it’s believable for shadowsinger powers to have no theorized origin “even [in] the rich lore of the warrior-people” (ACOFAS 65). Bro fuck outta here. 

But this leads into point two — Feyre and her family. It’s very obvious that SJM based Nesta and Elain’s dynamic with Feyre off the common folktale trope of having the youngest sibling be the only competent person in the room (and Katniss Everdeen). I thought it was honestly a lot of fun to see this trope done with some interiority; you can practically hear Feyre seethe about what useless hoes her sisters are between every line. I genuinely giggled through these parts on my initial readthrough. 

I’ve seen some people complain that Nesta and Elain’s behaviors aren’t realistic in this situation, but au contraire! Nesta and Elain’s actions in book one are (...almost) perfectly realistic. Without revealing too much, my grandmother grew up in poverty with a few older sisters, and yet my great-grandmother would make her do all the work and constantly force her to give up her possessions (like her car) to the older sisters whenever they wanted them. Even to this day, when they’re all in their 70s and 80s, one of these sisters still relies on my grandma to do basic shit like balancing her checkbooks. I’ve also observed similar dynamics play out plenty of times between an adult child and an overindulgent parent, with people literally ruining their lives and bodies all for the sake of sitting at home all day buying furry porn off the internet. 

Nesta and Elain are basically the psychology of this type of person split in two — Elain the soft, delicate, perpetually victimized front they put on for the world, and Nesta the ice-cold, bitter, and aggressive bitch they truly are. 

Honestly, the only thing I would change about this set-up is either keep Ma Archeron alive or give Papa Archeron more personality than a plank of damp wood. What’s truly missing here is a parental figure enforcing this fucked up dynamic — I don’t remember it being clear that Feyre’s always had this role, just that she took it on after her mom’s death. Making it clear that Feyre’s always been forced to be this way — alongside giving the mom more characterization — would have gone a long way towards making this dynamic feel more realized and less like the narrative using trauma and pity as a shortcut towards reader engagement. 

Then again, that would require SJM to have a female villain in this series who isn’t a rapist, and quotes I’ve seen floating around from ACOSF make it pretty clear SJM doesn’t know same-gender sexual abuse even exists. 

Anyway. 

Point Three (or rather 2B): Feyre realizing she doesn’t have to hang around her family just because she feels obligated to love them was a fucking banger. I loved it so much; having a story, especially a YA story, that showed you aren’t obligated to love a family that treats you like shit was so special to me. Especially since I was also leaving my family for the first time, and going home to visit them every other weekend felt like being hit point-blank with a Psyduck blast. 

Thankfully, my relationship with my family has gotten a lot better, but I’m still really disappointed that Nesta and Elain were forced back into the story, rather than them reaching out to Feyre and making amends because they wanted to do better.  The closest we got to this was the revelation that Nesta almost made it to the Border by herself after Feyre was taken, which was definitely badass, but also unfortunately the only Nesta scene I’ve liked in this entire fucking series. If SJM was going to force Feyre to regress into being Nesta and Elain’s tardwrangler again, then she should have followed up on Amren’s line in ACOWAR that Feyre treats Nesta and Elain the way Tamlin treated her. 

“I asked them to help once—and look what happened. I won’t risk them again.”

Amren snorted. “You sound exactly like Tamlin.”

[. . .] and I said, “She’s right.”  (169-170). 

But I’m sure everyone who’s read ACOSF knows how well that’s going. 

Point Four: the femindhjdfhfdh I can’t even write that with a straight face. I mean let’s be real, I too enjoy seeing female characters I like become queens and all that other stuff, but it was clear to me even on my initial reading of ACOMAF that it was all shallow and designed to help delineate good guys from bad guys without much in the way of nuance. It certainly took me out of the experience a little, but at least it ties into the books’ themes of recovering from abuse and shacking up with a Certified Women Respecter. 

My actual point four: Truthfully I only bought this series for the meme of having the first shitty love interest getting cucked in the second book. ACOWAR gave me some complicated feelings on Tamlin, and I honestly think he should have just stopped appearing in the series after that — BUT, having him be dragged back in once per book just to call him a cuck and cockslap him around a little bit is fucking hilarious. Pointless! But hilarious.

I also think that this kind of arc is a great critique of the standard “happily ever after,” acknowledging that in real life, you’re much more likely to just pass from one abusive household to another because you don’t know what healthy love, communication, and boundaries are. (Arguably many folktales are the fantasies of women who are well aware of this reality but want to imagine a world that’s otherwise). I definitely have a lot of problems with SJM’s claims of “sex positivity,” but acknowledging that Feylin used sex as a means of avoiding communication was another great touch.

I wish that this whole King of Hybern shit was completely cut just to focus on these themes more; it’s very clear SJM only included it because fantasy series = BIG EPIC WORLD-ENDING STAKES!! I've read maybe ten pages of Throne of Glass, so I can't speak for how she handles epic fantasy there, but I know for me and a lot of other stans, the Hybern plot had licherally nothing to do with what we liked and connected to in these books. 

But I must soften here, because I totally empathize with feeling like big stakes are “necessary” for a fantasy story and that no one would want to read your books without them. YA fantasy is the reason why TV Tropes coined the term “romantic plot tumor,” after all. (Source: I’m making shit up.) 

What else… what else… uhhhhh. I think that might be it, at least for substantial things I don’t have to qualify too much. I of course have plenty of little things I used to like but have now been tainted because ACOWAR ruined everything forever and ACOFAS danced on the graves (such as how I liked Lucien but everyone in the books shits on him now to the point it’s stopped being funny). But this post is too long anyway.

[chronicalanxiety]

[here are their cutie marks and a sketch of their human forms that nobody asked for]

Now here’s a huge ass description for the kids™ if anyone is interested

Zap Apple

Rainbow and Applejack's first-born child and Lil' Cheese's best mate. Zap is a daydreamer and has a gentle soul, he's that one ripped nerd that likes writing and drawing things just for the sake of it. Exploring and discovering new things and places is what really makes his eyes glow (history and geography hoe), so he can be usually seen carrying his saddlebag around all the time (you never know when you're gonna need sketching and exploring supplies). Zap also loves puzzles and is a huge fanboy of Daring Do Books like Dash (and adventure books in general. AJ swears it's because Rainbow used to read so many Daring Doo adventures to her belly when she was pregnant). While he can be smart, he tends to over-thinks things, Zap has a wide imagination and is easily one of the most compassionate ponies around, though he used to be easily coaxed into fights or manipulated by his feelings. Like a good apple family member, the boy loves farm life and has a strong fraternal instinct, but his nature just doesn't allow him to settle there, though he still finds some peace whenever he's back in the environment he grew up in.

Random facts:

- Zap loved wearing his Ma's hat so much that she gave one for him as a gift in a Hearts Warming;

- He lost part of his his right ear to a bad fall when he and some friends went exploring one of his first off-limits area;

- Loves collecting comic books and stamps;

- AJ entered labor right during a Zap Apple harvest (Yep, that's exactly how he got his name);

- Inherited AJ's stare and lie detector;

- Upon noticing Zap's resemblance to his great grandmother, Rainbow nicknamed him Baby Smith.

Applejoy

Rainbow and Applejack's middle child. Applejoy doesn't take her name for granted, she's a total sunshine and bringing people happiness is what really makes her happy. She tends to be famous for getting a bunch of bruises all the time and being a little too reckless, so much so she lost two of her teeth out of pure clumsiness when she was little and had to wait until they began to grow to get them back (still has the best smile), and she also used to break her flying goggles at least once a week. The girl is also very outspoken and sincere, though it can end up being a problem sometimes. Applejoy is the family's Poly Athlete and has strong and fast wings (as well as legs, the girl is speed itself), she doesn't do very well in school but makes for it in sports and is very disciplined when it comes to it (Rainbow is her personal coach for every occasion). She hates losing, but tries her best to be a good sport and not to show she's upset most of the time. It was also awfully difficult for Applejack to handle her being all over the place when she learned how to use her wings (no need to say she was very grateful when her next child was born an earth pony).

Random facts: - Inherited Rainbow's habit of napping on trees (Applejack didn't like the idea, she was always concerned her children were gonna fall and hurt themselves for being too cloud-headed);

- Loves to indulge in her mother's sugary treats;- Rainbow started calling her junior (or AJJ) because her name abbreviation is the same as her ma's. No need to say the nickname was a success;

- Sleepwalker;

- The bandana she uses around her neck is a part of the fabric of an old sheet she used to nap with;

- Likes a bunch of crafts, specially wood-carving, but isn't really gifted at most of them (doesn't matter because she always tries her best every time).

Cider Splash

Rainbow and Applejack's youngest child and Tank's best buddy. Cider Splash a performer at heart, he's a innate dancer and plays multiple instruments very decently, he's the loudest of the bunch in every way and talks everyone's ears off (some conversations can also turn into musical numbers for no apparent reason). He's the most headstrong and stubborn out of the three, so he'll almost always get really deep into a project (or anything, really) when he sets his mind in it. He has blessed hoofs like AJ and is by far the one who ends up helping with the applebucking stuff the most, though he has a natural charm with the farm animals and prefers playing with them (his love for animal plushies wasn't taken for granted). He also indulges in cooking (mostly by Big Sugar's influence). Cider was always jealous of his sibling's ability to fly, so RD tries to compensate by taking him for a ride every once in a while and making sure he's the first one to get Wonderbolts tickets whenever they perform.

Random facts: - His love for music started when Applejack bought him a toy guitar to get him out of his tantrums when he was little. Later, his grandpa Bow Hothoof gave him a mini drum set as a birthday gift. AJ and RD weren't very happy when he started playing it all the time and making a bunch of noise, but they eventually saw potential in it and started investing in his inate talent;

- No need to say cider is his favorite drink ever;

- His bandana was a handmade gift from his Aunt Applebloom.

Florence

Fluttershy's big baby and Agate's older step-sister. Florence is a very resourceful and hard-working young mare, though she tends to spends way too much energy worrying about results and is almost constantly on the verge of outright panic (she's usually seen gritting her teeth or generally flipping out, no need to say she does not fare well under stress, specially when she is given a task to complete). Florence is known to be very sensible and intelligent, and even though she sometimes puts her own paranoia before common sense, she usually manages to find logical solutions to problems. She learned how to deal with stress by canalizing it into something productive, thanks to Rarimom (which ended up being another source of anxiety, ironically). She also has very strong beliefs, and when forced to question them, she becomes very upset. Despite that, Florence is extremely loyal and kind and will go out of her way to help other ponies.

Random facts: - Her scarf was given by Rarity, it made her feel safe when she was little, and she still uses it until this day (Her moms had to bribe with her in order to get her to let them clean and wash it after months of using it non-stop);

- Probably has OCD;

- She has also been known to retreat into her imagination when under extreme stress, often picturing peaceful, grassy fields or tranquil landscapes to calm herself down.

- Florence loves her coffee, tea and Fluttermum's pets more than her life (She loved growing up around pets, they still give her a sense of calm and relaxation. Her mom used to use them to calm her down when she was crying or couldn't sleep, she would almost always fall asleep after caressing some pet's ear for a while)

Agate

Rarity’s most precious gem and Florence’s little step-sister. Agate has been a very independent gal since she was little, she has been described as curious, monotone and sarcastic, and also appears to be more logical and mature than some of her peers, typically being the one to call them out on their ignorance, she’s inclined to remain passive and stoical to most things that happen around her. She has a fuckton control over her emotions and wears a neutral expression about 80% of the time, but is actually a pretty chill gal and has a very good (and weird) sense of humor. Agate has a great eye for photography (specially Avant-garde stuff) and turns out working as a professional photographer in the future.

Random facts: - Lowkey a huge mystery fan and computer nerd;

- Has a huge soft spot for Fluttermom's pets since she first came in contact with one, she can’t help but to smile the whole time she’s around them;

- Discord's favorite gal right next to Fluttershy.

Lil' Cheese

So let's get this out of the way, the script says Lil' Cheese is a colt, but many people see them as a filly, so they ended up being non-binary in my headcanon because I couldn't decide their gender (but go with whatever suits you better).

"Don't worry, Zap and Cheese got another infallible plan". Cheesecake, AKA "Lil' Cheese", is first and foremost known for the ability to talk their ass off anytime of the day for whatever reason (they used to spend most of their time besides their mom, so no need to mention that they practically picked up all her goofiness and energy by osmosis), they're also an excellent actor and are known as "The God of Puns". They’re generally a popular and gifted student, however, they're foul-mouthed and kind of competitive (but despite that, they are generally well liked and always looking after their friends). Lil' Cheese uses their innate talent for comedy and natural charm and charisma to help attract attention to their mum's bakery. Cheese had pretty deep random conversations with Pinkie since very little, so they turned out to be a pretty good conversationalist and improviser.

Big Sugar/Little Mac

I don't really have a very elaborate description for him (sorry peeps), but I imagine Sugar as a very sweet (pun intended) Big Baker Boy that loves cooking (and eating, most of all). He has that big bro energy and always gives the best hugs, but can also have with no mercy when messing around with his peers. He's very well liked around Ponyville and known for his extroverted and warm nature, though he may care way to much about other's opinions and tends to take a lot of them personally. Being a proud member of the Apple Family, he's the embodiment hard-work and loves working on the farm, but his heart always feel in the right place whenever he's preparing meals for other ponies.

----------

Okay, so quick backstory time about how Flarity happened in this canon.

Fluttershy was going through a very rough time with her previous marefriend, she always wanted to have a child of her own, and seeing her friends having some of their own made her even more eager to have one, so she found a sperm donor and conceived Florence with the consent of her partner at the time. Their relationship didn't get any less toxic even after Florence was born, so as a good friend, Discord felt the obligation to intervene (along with the rest of the elements of harmony) and convince Fluttershy to just end it and let go, as it wasn't doing any good for both her and the kid. When she finally got out of it, Discord and Rarity were the ones who helped Flutters to heal the most.

Meanwhile, Agate was the product of Rarity's previous marriage with Fancy Pants and was conceived as the last hope for their doomed marriage. Turns out having a child didn't save their relationship and they ended up divorcing, both going their separate ways with their own lives and businesses, however, it was a healthy separation and they remained in good terms with each other. Rarity took this separation as a way to get to know more about herself and to spend more time bonding with her daughter, having a break from her business life and letting Sassy Saddles and some other employees take the wheel for a little while, though she didn't stop playing her part on the creative side. During the time Fluttershy was going through her healing process, she and Rarity reconnected and some gay stuff happened. By the time the series ended they were probably on the dating phase and close to engagement. They eventually marry and join their families together.

Also Discord's still a very close friend of the couple and helps them and the kids whenever and in whatever way he's able to. He loves spending time with the kids, specially Agate, who finds his chaotic energy specially amusing.

[blu-joons]

Pregnancy With Taehyung ~ BTS Headcanon

Finding Out You’re Pregnant

Taehyung was over the moon when the two of you found out you were pregnant

The two of you had talked about children for so long, he couldn’t believe that it was actually going to finally happen for you both

He was filled with tears of joy as you did several tests, just to be on the safe side

Honestly, in that moment, he had never loved you so much

“I’m going to be a dad! I can’t believe this is finally happening!”

There was no time like the present in telling his family, who were equally as thrilled for you both, super excited for a grandchild

He didn’t let you out of his grasp for the next few days, cuddling you closely

Protective instincts soon kicked in when he realised, he had another life to care for

You chose not to publicly share your pregnancy straight away, just living in the blissful bubble of your family for the moment

The boys were so excited because they knew how much kids meant to Taehyung, and how amazing a father he would be

“All the practice you’ve had at meet and greets is well worth it.”

He was forever taking time off work to just spend time with you, admiring the changes your body undertook

His mind was going crazy as he planned the next nine months of life with you

Being Pregnant

The two of you ended up having to share your pregnancy at fifteen weeks after fans grew suspicious of your baggy clothing, and the fact you would always hide your tummy in photos

Taehyung loved to take pictures of your bump, and press kisses to it, noticing the little changes every single day

“Even though I touch your tummy I still can’t believe our child is in there.”

“Trust me, I know that there’s a child in there.”

Every Sunday he would grab a tape measure and measure your bump, giggling as he noticed it grow by a couple of inches

He would keep track of it on a little chart that his mother had bought you both as a keepsake

Army was chuffed for you both, they knew just as well as the boys how amazing Taehyung was around children

Tae showed up to all your appointments, even if work was super busy, you were still his number one priority

He always kept one of your scan photos in his back pocket, so he carried you both with him wherever he was

You had the worst morning sickness and tummy cramps which overwhelmed Tae a little

He knew it would pass but it killed him seeing you in so much pain and discomfort

However, he had done his research, and was forever making you hot tea and hot water bottles

The two of you decided to find out the gender, the midwife informing you that you were having a little girl

“Another Y/N in my life, aren’t I just the luckiest guy in the world.”

Her nursery was a sea of pink, anything you could find that was pink was included

Every night his arm would be wrapped around your bump to try and stop her from wriggling

He was very wary about the things you did around the house, not wanting you to hurt yourself or the baby

If you dropped anything Tae would be right there to pick it up

He would practice carrying the baby and burping them with Yeontan

“You do know our daughter is a human, not a dog?”

“Yeah, but Tan’s still like my child, and he can’t tell me to stop.”

He loved treating you to maternity clothing, so you still felt beautiful in your own skin

A few of your own insecurities arose whilst pregnant, your weight increasing everyday

But Tae was a hero, comforting you and telling you how beautiful you were

He was always filming the two of you so you could show your daughter in the future, things like decorating her nursery or going for scans

At least one of the boys was round everyday helping you with little jobs around the house

You both had to intervene when they wanted to get involve with your pregnancy classes though

“It’s going to look a bit suspicious if Y/N shows up to yoga with seven boys accompanying her.”

There were several pet names for your baby as time went on, the main one tended to be. ‘butterfly’

He liked to have you at work so that he could keep an eye on you, making you a little den in the corner of the room

The boys were fantastic too, checking up on you always, making sure you were comfortable, attending to your every need

They were all as invested in this pregnancy as you and Tae which made you laugh

Taehyung loved to cuddle you all the time, reassuring you that you were doing fine

Feeling your baby kick for the first time was a big deal for him

You grabbed his hand and placed it over your tummy, seeing his eyes widen

“That’s our little girl, wow…”

From that moment he was always feeling out for little kicks or wriggles

He loved to talk to your daughter, pressing your belly button as an intercom

You had a major craving for sour foods when you were pregnant, lemons were a particular favourite

Taehyung thought you were crazy as he watched you drink lemon juice or suck into one

He was very attentive to making sure you followed doctor’s notes to the word

As your birth grew nearer, Taehyung would often cry himself to sleep at night in sheer excitement

It was becoming more and more overwhelming that soon a little girl would be in your life

There were moments of doubts and fear, but you were both in this together

Your house was perfect for her to come home to and live in

“It’s crazy how just a few months ago we could have only dreamed of this moment.”

Your own anxiousness set in as you came a couple of days before your due date, the realisation of what you were about to experience hitting you

He wasn’t prepared to see you without your beautiful bump, he loved staring and cuddling it

The last few days before you gave birth were beautiful, the two of you at home, resting, planning your future together

Labour

You knew you were going into labour as you rolled over in bed feeling a tremendous wave of pain in the pit of your stomach

Taehyung jolted awake having heard you grumble, noticing your eyes widening as just an hour later your waters broke

Neither of you knew what to do, panicking that this was finally happening

Tae knew he needed to be brave for you and the baby, picking you up and taking you to the car with all the resources you had prepacked.

His eyes were barely on the road as he drove, his heart breaking as you moaned in pain

He knew that you were going to be in pain, he’d prepared himself, but the sight of it still hurt a lot

“Just focus on your breathing baby, remember what the doctors told you.”

He would breath with you, counting to three and out again until he got you to the hospital

Taehyung had packed himself a bag of snacks and drinks, so he didn’t have to leave the room once when you were in labour

He was so good at reading your emotions, knowing when you needed him and when you needed space

The two of you had chosen to have a water birth after watching several documentaries

Conversation was key, he was always talking to you trying to distract you from the pain

His hand never left your sides, massaging light circles just underneath your bump

He was forever tying your hair up for you as your bun kept slipping from your movements

There were a few moments when you knew he was crying as your contractions became more frequent

“I can’t wait for this all to be over and for you to be pain free jagi.”

Eventually the midwife arrived, informing you it was time to get into the pool

Tae was also able to sit with you, allowing you to sit back into his chest

You could feel his heart pounding as you were told to start pushing

Frequent kisses were placed to the top of your head, whilst his hands massaged your tired frame

He peered over your shoulders as your daughter’s head emerged

Tae was an emotional wreck already, as with one last push your little one appeared

“Our little butterfly is here.”

His arms wrapped around your waist whilst you caught your breath, looking through tear-stained eyes

“You are so incredible, and strong, I love you so much.”

She came to you first, contact with the mother was critical

Taehyung chose to record the first few moments of her life, smiling proudly as you cuddled her

You chose to honour his grandmother with her name

The first time he held her was an overwhelming experience, droplets of tears rolling down his cheeks onto her baby grow

He couldn’t wait to ring his parents, sending them all the adorable photos he had taken

The First Few Hours

The two of you were in complete awe for the first few adjusting to the new life you cared for

You took in every part of her body, piercing dark eyes like Taehyung, her smile just like yours

He couldn’t wait to tell the boys, video calling them as they rehearsed in the studio

There were a lot of screams and coos as they saw your daughter’s face for the first time

She was fast asleep, her head resting perfectly into your chest

Taehyung couldn’t stop cuddling you both, he just wanted the moment to never end

Every so often he would get very emotional, he was so proud of you, and so in love with her

Honestly, he was just a wreck

Unwillingly he shared his snacks with you when you were hungry

It wasn’t like you’d just pushed a seven-pound baby out of you.

He couldn’t wait to get her home and introduce her to her perfect nursery

“You’re going to love home so much, it’s all especially for you.”

The first time you breastfed was nerve wracking, you were terrified something would go wrong

Standing up for the first time was hard

Taehyung was on hand to carry you to wherever you needed to go, helping to dry you off as you got out of the pool

The First Few Days

Your daughter came home two days later, Tae showing her straight to her nursery

He ignored the fact that she wouldn’t understand, describing everything to her

His parents came around that night for lots of cuddles, to give the two of you the opportunity to get some sleep

“She is just the perfect mix of you both, she’s just the sweetest.”

Tae had drawn a piece of artwork to hang up above her cot, surprising you with it that night

Adjusting to life as a three was perfect, you both were learning so many new things

The sleepless nights soon became part of your routine, taking it in turns to check on her

Some nights Tae would just sleep in the rocking chair as he couldn’t face being away from her

After a week you decided to share your daughter to the world, sharing a picture of her tiny feet in Tae’s hands

He was always talking to her and making her squirm by pulling funny faces

You’d heard of the new-born baby bubble, but had never expected to feel as amazing as you did

Meeting The Boys

You took her to meet the boys just before you announced the birth to the Army, having adjusted to life with her

They had already played a game of rock, paper, scissors to decide who was going to get first cuddles

Jungkook was in awe, comparing dimples to see which was cutest

Jimin presented her with a bundle of presents that he had bought for her to keep for the nursery

Namjoon was terrified to hold her for the first time, demanding Tae hold her too, in case he dropped her or anything

“I just don’t want anything to happen to our precious girl under my watch”

Hobi was the tickle monster, constantly attacking her sides making her smile

Yoongi loved to wind Tae up, pretending to kidnap her like he did with Yeontan

Jin was the cool uncle, or so he thought, promising your little girl he would be the favourite

They surprised you that day by revealing a little nursery they’d set up in one of the spare rooms for nursery visits

All the boys promised you that they would look after your family of three

None of them wanted you to leave when you had to, turning up at your house later that night

The Future

As far as Taehyung was concerned, his life was complete the moment your daughter entered your life

Fatherhood was his favourite thing in the world, and nothing could ever change that

He loved seeing your baby grow and learn

And seeing you blossom into a yummy mummy was his favourite thing in the world

He couldn’t wait for your family to grow, and to see where life took him

That was one thing he did know, his life was perfect

Masterlist

[mikeyhatesit113]

forever and never: Chapter 11

It’s 2009, and Janie and I are driving home from a nice dinner. The radio is up, and Janie is singing along to the old-school hip-hop melody blaring from the speakers.

Janie closes her eyes, vibing to the music.

“It’s all because of you, I’m feeling sad and blue, You went away, now my life is filled with rainy days...”

Janie opens her eyes and points to me from the passenger seat, smirking.

“I love you so, how much you’ll never know, Cause you took your dope away from me.”

I had fallen deeply for her.

But suddenly, I felt like I was just falling.

I jolt awake in my bed. A crash landing back to reality.

Of course, I hadn’t been in that deep of a sleep anyway. In fact, the only thing in the world I wanted was to fall into a deep sleep.

It had to be late night, for the room was full of darkness.

A lonely pit of hell.

But I wasn’t completely alone, per se. No, my imagination was right there with me, leering at me through the endless black.

It wasted no time in reminding me that I was alone on top of a box spring mattress cushioned by only blankets, and she was in another bed. Somewhere else. With someone else.

Doing whatever else.

Not that my brand new queen-sized bed would have been much more comfortable.

The queen-sized bed that was still sitting in our townhouse unoccupied, I hoped.

The $1600 queen-sized bed I had bought for her just 2 weeks prior to our breakup because her back hurt.

The queen-sized bed I had told her not to sleep on. And in a futile effort to provide an obstacle, I threw my clothes and football jerseys on top of it before I left the house.

If her and Steppenwolf wanted to have sex on it, they’d have to remove my clothing or just do the deed on top of my Tony Romo jerseys. Of course, neither scenario would be romantic for them, I was willing to bet.

And 48 hours after my Labor Day Sunday departure, my buddy and I were hauling that queen-sized bed out of the house and onto a box truck.

The same exact box truck I had used just two years prior when I moved out during the Corey incident.

But it would be for good, this time. That’s what I kept telling myself. After all that had happened, and all that I knew, I couldn’t see any sort of reality where we’d embrace eachother again.

My buddy and I searched the house for anything that was solely mine.

Anything that was ours? I left behind.

Furniture, lamps, the kitchen table, pots, pans, cups...etc.

Her children didn’t deserve to return to the skeletal remains of a place they knew as home. In fact, it was rather depressing how normal the place still looked after I removed all of my things.

It was as if I hadn’t existed at all, which was the goal.

However, when it came to things that were considered ours, I made one single exception.

My car.

The beautiful Lancer that she loved was coming with me, as it was solely in my name and I couldn’t risk a repossession.

After we slid the back of the box truck shut, I went inside the house and soaked in the deathly silence of a place that had seemed to hold so much love at times.

Our pictures still on the wall. Our leftovers still in the refrigerator.

I tossed my house key on the kitchen table that had held countless dinners and meals. I walked out the door, ready to leave it all behind me.

After dropping all of my worldly possessions off in a tiny 5x10 storage unit and then returning the box truck, my buddy and I sped through town in the Lancer.

That night, I was serenaded by a different tune as my buddy belted out the lyrics to The Black Keys’ “Next Girl”.

“Oh my next girl Will be nothing like my ex-girl. I made mistakes back then, I’ll never do it again. Oh my next girl, She will be nothing like my ex-girl. It was a painful dance, Now I got a second chance.”

Of course, that moment in the car with my buddy was one of the few high points.

High points came in small numbers, while the valleys I staggered through were innumerable.

No one wants to speak of those. No one wants to live through them.

That’s why many people hop from one person to the next with no time lapse in between, to avoid in the pain.

But it’s the only way.

The only way out of the fire was through the inferno.

I could not eat. I couldn’t sleep. I could not shut my mind off. This went on for days.

I fall out just long enough to wake up in sweat, tortured by mental images and physical heartache.

I’d look at my phone, a part of me begging to see her number.

A missed call. A text message. Something to show me that she still cared.

Something to let me know that she was hurting too. A single hope, no matter how faint, that she was thinking of me too.

I’d get no such relief.

I was angry to be alone, but other times, that’s all I wanted. I wanted the consolation from others. I needed to hear people assure me that it was going to be ok. But just as important, I needed them to abruptly leave me the fuck alone when I wanted space.

I had been a step-dad for 4 strong years. I had watched the boys grow. I had bought Janie nice gifts. Holidays, birthdays, family gatherings...

But as a step-parent, you have to accept something; if your relationship fails, then it all goes away.

The kids you took care of? No longer yours.

The responsibilities you shared together? Not your problem anymore.

You were merely a spoke in the wheel, and the wheel will continue spinning without you.

My friends and family were incredibly patient with me. I needed to talk about my pain quite a bit, and they always dropped what they were doing to hear me out.

Listen to me repeat myself, and question how she could act as if nothing ever happened.

They knew what to say during times I was simply inconsolable.

I remember the day I began to see a slight glimmer of hope.

My uncle and I had just returned from a pizza shop, where I ordered a sub I could not bring myself to eat, and we were sitting at home. Dusk was approaching, and as usual, I felt the dread rising in my chest.

Another sleepless night on the horizon with nothing but haunting thoughts and memories.

My grandmother arrived home shortly after we did, and she saw me sitting on the front porch agonizing over Janie, stuck in the same old routine of beating myself up.

“Michael,” she said. “You think she’s this great person, and she isn’t. You put her up on this...pedestal...and she isn’t all that,” she said angrily. “She’s NOT all that. Fuck her!”

A silence followed her words, as my moment of sadness was interrupted by the utter shock of hearing Helen Pper use the F word. It happened less often than viewing Haley’s Comet.

She was serious, and she was tired of seeing me hurt over someone she never cared for in the first place.

“She seemed rather fake,” she said, recalling dinners she attended that Janie had invited her to. “She wanted everyone to believe she was perfect.”

There was something about that moment that propelled me forward, and over the next week, being by myself got a little easier, and moments with my friends became more entertaining.

I felt normality creeping back in, and I welcomed it with open arms.

Sleep had even got a tad bit better, especially when I came home one day to find a brand new twin bed mattress and box spring sitting in the hallway.

My grandmother simply had the handbook on giving a shit about me, and giving me hope when all else seemed lost.

That’s the kind of woman she was. You never had to ask. She always just did.

As fate would have it though, fools always find a way to rush in.

And one day, Janie called me.

“How’s it going?” she asked me.

“It’s ok,” I replied.

“I’ve been ok,” she said. “I went hiking.”

This caught me off guard, because if my memory served me correctly, Janie was never into hiking.

“I reached the top of this peak,” she said, beginning to sob on the other end of the phone. “I was sweaty and dirty, but I was just so damn proud of myself. It was beautiful, and I cried, because I just wanted to tell you all about it,” she said.

I listened to her words, trying to understand this new version of her. After 3 weeks apart, and she sounded like a new person.

“Who’d you go hiking with?” I asked.

“A few friends from work,” she replied.

“Is Steppenwolf around?” I asked.

“No, we’re just friends,” she said.

We didn’t speak of divorce, and we said nothing about finalizing the distance between us. Which gave me hope, and then I asked...

“Can I see the boys?”

“Uh.”

“I really miss them, and I’d love to see them.”

“I dunno, Ekim. It doesn’t feel like the right time,” she said apologetically.

We hung up, and I was alone again.

On a damp, dreary evening, hope had visited. And then it left as quickly as it had come.

Days later though, it returned. With a vengeance.

“Let’s grab dinner,” she said.

We chose a local steakhouse, and as we sat in the dim decorative lights, we talked about how life had treated us the past few weeks.

We laughed. We responded to eachother’s quirks and quips.

Suddenly, we were in sync again.

One thing led to another, and we decided to spend the night together.

Not at my grandmother’s house, though. And not at the house we had shared together up until 3 weeks ago.

For some reason, she didn’t want to go back there that night.

“We should get a hotel together,” she said with the excitement of a spontaneous backpacker.

“Yeah!” I agreed quickly, feeling myself fall for her all over again. It was as if I had willingly forgiven, and forgotten about, all the pain I had just lived through.

None of that mattered now. She cared about me. She missed me.

We had found eachother. One more thing we’d overcome.

We were in love again.

We ran back to our respective homes and packed overnight bags. I came downstairs, and my grandmother looked at me curiously.

“Where ya headed, kiddo?” she asked.

“Oh, my buddy is having a video game party tonight, so I’ll just sleep there and go to work in the morning,” I said. “Oh, ok,” she said with a smile. “Have a good time!”

I ran out the door, and my car sped to the hotel we had decided on. She met me in the parking lot, and we went into the room together.

That night, I suppressed all thoughts of why we couldn’t just go home to spend the night together.

The only thing I cared about was having her back in my arms, where we both belonged. No matter how cheap the room felt, or how strange it looked with the nearby restaurant lights creeping through the blinds.

We were together again.

The next morning, I showered, got ready, and left that hotel room for work as she also got ready for work. Our two separate camps probably wouldn’t be fond of hearing where we’d spent the night, and we had no intention of telling them.

We were married, what was it their business?

So what if they had spent the past few weeks gluing our pieces back together? That didn’t mean we owed them anything. If they were truly on our side, they’d support us no matter what.

Of course, that night at the hotel was simply a spark that relit our inferno.

Blazing. White hot. Consuming.

The next night, we met at a bar to watch a football game, like old times. Afterwards, after 3 long weeks, I finally returned home.

We walked back through the front door as different people, but after taking one step inside, my eyes seemed to be deceiving me.

There had been far more changes than I thought.

Nothing was the same.

And it wouldn’t be.

“And now I’m running to you, trying to find myself, But I don’t even know where to start. I guess that time has a way of keeping nothing the same, Cuz I don’t even know who you are. Oh, I hate this feeling. You don’t feel like home.” Papa Roach “Feel Like Home”

NOTE: Though this is my side of the story, including my own personal recollections and opinions, the reader should not consider this note anything other than a work of literature. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

[syms-things-5]

Clear The Area - Chapter Two

Previous chapter HERE

Warning: Not explicit (yet); some mild language. 

Summary: 29-year-old nurse Sarah Bernette has worked hard to get where she is. Moving to Boston from a nowhere dump of a town, she’s studied hard and is grateful her stress is finally paying off. Despite being fostered repeatedly throughout her childhood, she’s since found some comfort in the form of her adopted parents, Jocelyn and Noah, and a pseudo-adoptive family of sorts in form of the Evans clan who have treated her as one of her own ever since she moved in with best friend, Shanna. Valuing them above all else, she appreciates their support even more when her long lost birth mother decides to reappear in her life after so many years, and is surprised to find out just how supportive Chris is in particular. As she struggles to maintain a firm grip on both her professional and private lives, she finds an ill-advised solace in her growing mutual attraction with him but how long before everything unravels and threatens to pull the rug out from underneath her?

Note: I apologise for my spelling/grammar errors. 

CHAPTER TWO

Sarah made very little effort to more that day. On occasion, and as often as she could, she preferred the relative safety of a self-made cocoon, with the excessive amount of pillows and duvet lying across her as she lounged on her bed, her wavy brunette locks in a messy bun. The alternative was a run followed by trash television (also one of her favourite guilty pleasures on a day like today) but both of those would have required her to get up and she didn’t feel like that just now. Even her phone telling her it was after one o’clock in the afternoon was enough to shame her into moving. The bedroom windows were as wide open as possible as was necessary for this time of year, and she slipped both feet out from under the covers to let the warm breeze caress her skin and envelope her space, calming her completely.

She must have fallen asleep quite early last night. Shan and Chris had left around 7p to head to their mom’s house, leaving Sarah to indulge in a much-needed shower before making her world-famous grilled cheese with as much as she could physically pack under the grill. She fell into a carb-induced come soon after.

When she woke, Shan had been making various noises around the flat, slamming a couple of drawers here and there before retiring to sleep. Sarah was too tired to check in on her to make sure everything was OK. Shan would no doubt fill her in when she saw her the next morning and they would inevitably catch up on each other’s gossip for the first time that week. Sarah had been working longer hours lately but as always, the first 20 minutes of the every morning was reserved for “Shan Time”; just listening to her vent for a little while. She never minded so much. It meant she didn’t have to pay attention to her own thoughts.

Today, though, she had a full 24 hours of freedom and was intending to make no effort whatsoever to move from her self-imposed exile. She had no plans; a rare treat for herself to do absolutely nothing.

Her laptop was open with numerous tabs keeping her entertained. She checked Facebook, spent 15 minutes on a Buzzfeed article about puppies, then read CNN. Always in that order on a day off. At some point, she’d stumbled upon a gossip article about Chris and Jenny and, against her better judgement, scanned the details. According to a “source”, it was lust at first sight. The pair of them hung out a lot at his apartment where he would hold his famous game nights - that detail she could 100% believe - and soon after she stopped her husband’s weekly visits to set. Her husband seemed quite nice actually, very non-threatening in his appearance, almost dorky, the complete opposite of Chris she realised which seemed a bit dubious. Indeed, Jenny herself appeared to be the complete opposite of who Chris usually pursued. She seemed nice enough, though, and an up-and-coming name in the comedy world. He mentioned her once or twice on the random weekends he would fly back to Boston for some down time during production. She was funny and outspoken. She was quirky too, both physically and intellectually. Sarah thought they might get along if they were to ever have the chance to meet in person. Nevertheless, she had picked up on a lot of insider knowledge thanks to knowing Chris over the years and could spot clickbait a mile away.

“I’m not so sure, y’know,” Sarah jumped as Shan climbed onto her bed behind her with a plate of toast and a fresh coffee in hand. She felt embarrassed to have been caught reading gossip about her brother but Shan seemed nonplussed. “About her. I reckon something happened and he’s burying his head in the sand about it.”

“Did he talk about her last night?”

“No, not really. Mom pushed it a few times and he got annoyed and left. Scott went after him, I think.” Shan seemed relatively blase about the whole thing as she sat cross-legged, munching on her toast. Sarah stole a mouthful of her coffee and closed the laptop, flinching at how sweet she liked it. “This is exactly what he does. He messes around and then doesn’t stick around long enough to deal with the consequences. He’s probably fucked up her relationship for good.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“Oh, believe me. It’s textbook for him. He just does whatever he wants to do.” She finished her toast and took her mug back from Sarah. “What was your letter about?”

Sarah’s attention was quickly drawn towards her dresser table and to the brown envelope she’d forgotten about, currently sitting there unopened. She couldn’t bring herself to read its contents last night with how tired she felt and she was good at ignoring things when she wanted to. It was an exceptional talent of hers. 

“I haven’t looked yet.” She admitted. “I just have this...feeling nothing good’s gonna come of it.”

“Shan’s heart pinched for her friend. “Do you think it’s that lady again?”

“i don’t know. Maybe. I thought she would have given up by now but maybe she’s gone via the courts. I was reading about it online and apparently, they can request legal assistance when tracking down a child. Regardless of what the child wants. Can you believe that?”

She could. Shanna had found herself in a similar predicament some years earlier. Indeed, when they first met, their mutual experiences had been something of a conversation point and there followed many, many late nights talking until the small hours, drinking wine and putting the world to rights. It was the first time in her life Sarah had reached some sense of resolution and understanding about the whole thing.

It wasn’t common knowledge but Shan’s birth mother had contacted her a couple of years earlier via some handwritten letters and a few photographs. Turns out her parents had been childhood sweethearts who fell pregnant and ultimately decided they couldn’t raise the child together. There was also an allusion to some religious reason as well but Shan wasn’t altogether interested by that point. She recognised how unbelievably lucky she had been and didn’t want to rock the boar for something that may or may not make her life extra complicated. Sarah also sensed Lisa was struggling a bit with the contact as well although, outwardly, she was supportive of whatever decision Shanna decided to make. Chris and Scott on the other hand? Well, they were not pulling any punches. Chris in particular took the view it was some pathetic attempt to absolve themselves of guilt.

“Do you want me to open it?” Shan offered bringing Sarah back into the room. In all honesty, Shan would have done a lot more. She would have called up the Adoption Agency herself pretending to be Sarah and telling them in no uncertain terms where to stick it if she’d asked her to. It was one of Sarah’s favourite things about her; her unwavering loyalty to the people she loved the most. Act first, ask questions later. When she’d first met Carly, the oldest Evans’ child, she’d pulled her to one side and said “You’re stuck now”. She hadn’t looked back since.

Sarah pondered the letter before getting out of bed and collecting it from the table. She looked it over once more before opening the seam. It felt thicker than yesterday and there was definitely some kind of booklet enclosed. Just as she was about to pull the contents out, however, the front door slammed shut.

“Oh fuck. Sorry. I got annoyed with Chris always ringing the goddamn doorbell all the time so I just gave him the spare key, “ she remembered, quickly sliding off her bed and dashing out of the room. Sarah was going to follow her, another few minutes wasn’t going to make much difference. Then, just as she pulled the letter out a few extra centimetres, curiosity got the better of her. There, in black and white, was the name of biological mother: Charlotte.

Charlotte.

It didn’t sound like an older woman’s name to her. You know how some names have connotations of responsibility and authority and wisdom, and ‘Charlotte’ didn’t seem like one of them. It wasn’t a ‘Joanne’ or a ‘Susan’ or even a ‘Lisa’ now thought about it. Those names provoked feelings of comfort and reassurance. ‘Charlotte’ was the name of a twenty-something pretty blonde who had thousands of followers on Instagram and zero obligations. ‘Charlotte’ drove a swanky soft-top her father bought for her 21st birthday.

She was probably being petulant while staving off thoughts of Charlotte having been a teenage mother who couldn’t face the pressure of raising a child at such a young age. What if she herself had lived a troubled life and something bad had happened to her and she suddenly found herself bereft with a new born baby girl clinging to life in her arms? Or, like Shan’s mother, had some overbearing ogre of a grandmother shadowing her and telling her she would go to hell for having sex out of wedlock? Maybe she had been forced in some way to give her up outside of her control. Suddenly, Charlotte seemed like she could do with her sympathy.

Shan reappeared in Sarah’s doorway and paused before speaking noticing Sarah had the letter open in her hands. She gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Um Chris is here with some beers and stuff. I think Scott is coming over to watch a movie. I haven’t said anything about... you know...” She nodded towards the letter. Sarah smiled back at her but didn’t want to give away much more.

“Sure. I could do with a drink.”

*

A few hours had passed and they had been lying around the flat drinking beers and shouting at Iron Chef, Shan’s favourite lazy day programme. Scott had arrived not long after Chris but dipped in and out to have phone arguments with his boyfriend, Zach. Zach was his first boyfriend in some time that was considerably younger than him but seemed to fit in well with the family. It was perhaps fair to say that Chris was slightly less tolerant of him and possibly wary of any new figure in their lives given how much more visible he had become now that he was a living and breathing embodiment of a superhero. That said, Zach seemed nice and cute and funny, and Scott was clearly crazy about him and had been since Day One.

“Trouble in paradise.” quipped Chris as he walked into the kitchen. The front door was slightly ajar with Scott on the outside of the apartment, pacing up and down the hallway. Sarah had been washing up and wiping down the surfaces following dinner. Chris leaned back against the countertop next to her. “I don’t know why they insist on arguing so much. It’s just flogging a dead horse at this point.”

“He likes him a lot. When you like someone, you make it work not matter how hard things get.” she shoved him to move over a little so she could grab the sponge from behind where he was stood.

“No, you don’t. You ignore their calls and texts until they get the message. If not, you leave the country.” He smirked. Sarah shook her head in disbelief, chuckling, wondering if perhaps he was only half kidding.

“Do you think they’re getting anywhere?” he asked. She knew he was concerned deep down. He couldn’t help himself.

“I’m not sure to be honest. I’ve heard “you’re not listening to me” about seven times.”

Chris winced, folding his arms. They were both now staring at the front door when Scott suddenly returned. Without thinking, they tried their best to look as though they hadn’t just been eaves-dropping on his conversation. Chris reached for the spray, almost performing a full circle in panic. “So, I should just wipe this and then we’re done?”

Scott threw up his arms. “Oh pur-lease you guys. You don’t have to pretend that you couldn’t hear that. I know how loud I was talking.” 

“We weren’t listening!” Chris protested, feighing astonishment.

“You’re holding cleaning products, bro. You’re normally about as useful around the house as a wooden frying pan.”

The kitchen fell quiet as soon as Scott has walked back into the living room. Sarah wished she could have snapped a picture of the stunned look on Chris’ face right at that moment as he stood holding the Jif. He turned to look at her, offended.

“I clean.” he objected.

“are you trying to convince me or yourself?” she avoided eye contact, giggling to herself. She could feel the mock annoyance radiating off him as he stood to the side of her eyeline waiting for her to move. They could be here for some time. He resorted to spraying her hair.

“Hey! That was uncalled for!”

“I’m gonna tell mom you’re bullying me again.” He put the spray down and flashed her an eyebrow raise. She didn’t know why but she felt a blush cover her skin in that moment as he whispered almost intimidatingly close to her ear, “You missed a spot by the way.”

“What?! Where?” She jumped and he laughed out loud. Realising he had been kidding, she threw him a glare and the dishcloth. “If you’re not going to help you can get out of my kitchen.”

“Oh my god that was too easy! Seriously, Sarah, lighten up. It’s only gonna get messy again in a few hours.” He playfully attempted to grab the sponge from her hand but she held it aloft to one side out of his reach. He enjoyed messing with her. It was something he did when there wasn’t a lot else going on and she recognised this, fearing this was going to be the new norm for her now he was practically living here. She’d have to put the lock back on the bathroom door for sure. “Do you think you’ll be retiring to you bachelor pad anytime soon? Some of us have to get up early in the morning.”

His face lost its boyish glee in that moment and she felt like she had kicked a puppy. He picked the dishcloth back up and proceeded to dry a few plates, placing them in a neat pile to one side. He peeked at her from the corner of his eye.

“How about I repay you with beer and household chores?”

*

Next Chapter HERE

[prorevenge]

Building an Apartment for Stepson, runs off with everything but ends up owning everything of Stepson in the long run.

Hello Tumblr People. First time posting on this area of the site. I have been reading these posts for a while now and found out recently of a story that my mother told me about my great grandfather. I got more information about this from my grandmother who confirmed the story to me and added more details that my mom forgot about it as this happened when my mom was young. Sorry if this is long but I need to set up details to understand the story well. The summery is at the bottom.

So this is about my great grandfather (who I called Pop-Pop), who was on my mother’s mother’s side. He was a farmer growing up with his 12 brothers and sisters. He had a large family and was the middle child. He quit school when he was in 3rd grade to help out with the family’s farm. After he turned 16 he worked for a plumber who would sell the business to him later on. When he was in his late 20s he met and years later married his wife. His wife (my great grandmother, or MeMe as my mother called her) was from a very wealthy family and was 10 years older than he was. Unlike Pop-Pop, she was an only child and she was a widow from a very young age as she also had an adult son (my great uncle Bob, not his real name of course) at the time. MeMe’s parents didn’t live very long and had died early due to illness along with her first husband (I’m not sure what they died of, I think it was TB).

The fact that she didn’t have to worry about money helped her raise her son as a single mother as she didn’t have to work. When her son was 18 he met a girl at college and they got married within a few months. MeMe didn’t really care for her, we will call Jenny, and she clearly saw that she was just in it for the money as Bob was MeMe’s only child at the time. Jenny was from high class family with money. When my great grandparents got married, she gave birth to my grandmother. It was an unusual birth as MeMe was almost 40 at the time and was very unusual for her to turn out ok.

Pop-pop was a very kind man and even though MeMe had a lot of money, he felt that it was her money and he would still work for a living to provide. They lived very averagely; if you looked at their house you wouldn’t be able to tell that they were millionaires. At the time, they were living in a 2 bedroom house. My grandmother was only a baby at the start of the great depression. MeMe was not affected that much due to it but Jenny’s family was affected as they made most of their money on Wall Street and banks that started closing. Jenny’s father killed himself when he lost all his money and Jenny’s mother soon died after that. Jenny had 2 other siblings who were all older and were on the other side of the country with no way to contact them or get to them, Bob and Jenny were homeless. When Bob and Jenny called, Pop-Pop told them to come live with them, no problem what so ever. When Bob and Jenny came over, Pop-Pop gave them the whole upstairs (pretty much kicking his family out onto the 1st floor) and renovated and added on the house so they could come and go without waking his new baby up. He added an extra bedroom, a kitchen, bathroom, everything. Bob and Jenny were having a hard time finding work (due to the depression), but Pop-Pop told him not to worry, stay as long as you like until you can get back on your feet.

This went on for about a year until one day he noticed that it had been a while since he heard anything. While it was pretty typical to not see them every day, he hadn’t spoken or even heard anything for about 2 weeks. He opened the door that he built between the two living spaces and saw the area empty. The furniture, bathroom fixtures, the stove, everything; stuff that he bought and stuff that they brought with them. He had no clue what happened and called the police as he thought something was wrong. The police caught up with them 2,000 miles away living in Florida. It turns out Jenny’s uncle died and left her with a huge sum of money, pretty much being able to rebuild their life overnight before the great depression. As soon as they collected the money, both Bob and Jenny moved out of the house and took everything with them, including Pop-pop and MeMe’s items.

Pop-Pop was angry. He didn’t care about being paid back, he just wanted his items he had let them borrow and just a good-bye, just let them know that they were leaving or something. If they asked for the items he wouldn’t have had much of a problem but he got no word from them and stole the items. As the stuff was easy to replace, he didn’t want to press charges and drag out the mess. MeMe and him pretty much stop communications with Bob and Jenny due to this.

About 25 years later, MeMe has been tested positive for stage 4 cancer. At this time, my grandmother had given birth to my mother and was living in her own house with my grandfather. After she was tested positive, Pop-Pop and MeMe sold their house (the same house) to live with my grandmother to be taken care of. My grandfather redesigned the basement of his house to have the two living in it. My grandmother had known that she had a half brother named Bob and his wife Jenny but that was about it, MeMe gave my grandmother his last known number. She wanted to at least try and tell them that she had stage 4 cancer and not much time left. My grandmother placed a call in and found out what had happened between the 25 years. Bob and Jenny never had any kids, but they still had her Uncle’s money. One thing about Bob and Jenny was that they were smart with the money and invested in it where as MeMe never invested in her money nor did Pop-pop, they jus t let it sit. My grandmother was happy that she was finally going to meet her brother after all this time. However, they never showed up, even though they said they were going to. My mother said that the first time she saw them was at the funeral. MeMe passed away 2 months later and my grandmother called them to let them know where it was. So they got to the funeral and the first thing out of Bob’s mouth was “So what is in the will?” not even a hello. My grandmother had all greeted them (as she didn’t know the history and why they disappeared, plus my grandmother was too overly nice to family) and was putting them next to the family seating when they saw Pop-Pop.

Pop-pop then said to “Sorry, only family is allowed to sit up front.” Bob and Jenny started to contest when they saw the funeral guide. My grandmother was listed as an only child with nothing saying Bob or Jenny was related. It turned out that both MeMe and Pop-Pop were angry by how they were treated all those years ago so in MeMe’s will and funeral arrangements were made to disown her son. They were strangers to the two. Bob and Jenny blew their top, and while my grandmother tired to cool things down, they left. MeMe’s will left 85% to Pop-Pop and 15% of it to my grandmother, it even made references that Bob and Jenny would get nothing and were disowned. Both tired to fight it but it didn’t work. However, I’m still not done with the revenge; this part is more natural development than anything else.

My grandmother still kept in contact with her brother outside of Pop-Pop’s wishes (Pop-Pop still didn’t tell her what happened since he kept saying that he had no son) and that she knew he wouldn’t approve. My grandmother, my grandfather and my mother even visited them at their house during a vacation. My mother said that he always seemed two-face along with Jenny. They would act nice but it was more of an act, my mother brought this up but my grandmother always shot it down (my grandmother was naïve) and she heard from Bob on what happened between the two. Bob’s story was that after a year, Jenny’s Uncle died and left them money. It wasn’t a lot (a big lie) but enough to move out. When they went to tell Pop-Pop about it, he blew up on them leaving and demanded that he wanted the money to pay for rent (another lie, Pop-Pop never asked for money) for a room that he built them along with the labor and construction of the area. They had to leave under the cover of night to be protected from him and that he brainwashed MeMe into disowning him and only came back because she was dying (which also was a lie, they didn’t show up until the funeral and asked about the will when they first got there, my mother remembers clearly.) Since Pop-Pop owned 85%, he still had the majority of the money. Grandma wanted to give part of her money, but she had since spent a majority of it buying a house and doing major renovations to it. She would give him the money, but it would be after Pop-Pop passed away. Since Grandma wanted to give money to her brother, they wrote up a contract that after Pop-Pop passing the money that Grandma got, 50% of it would go to her brother.

So they waited, and waited…. That never came. What happened is too crazy enough not to tell. By this point when the contact was made my grandmother was in her early 40s, Bob & Jenny was in their mid to late 50s while Pop-Pop was in his 70s. Most of Pop-Pop’s siblings had passed away and his health was always questionable. He smoked cigars, drank and chewed tobacco on top of having bad knees so at the time; we thought he had only a while left to live. He lived to be 103 years old. Bob and Jenny passed away around 20 years after the contact was signed by them and my grandmother and since Bob and Jenny had no kids and Jenny’s other siblings passed away with no kids on their own, their money was given to my grandmother after no one else claimed it since Jenny and Bob had no will (I’m not sure the details of how she did it, but she did get it). My grandmother later on found out that what they were telling her about the house was a lie, as she was cleaning out Pop-Pop’s room, she found the old police records and pictures about the apartment along with Bob and Jenny’s records about how much money they got. All of the money was wasted away years later by Pop-Pop (he got into heavy depression after MeMe passed away. He drank and gambled most of the money away trying to ease the pain) so even if he died later on, Bob would not have gotten much, if any of it. My grandma didn’t know about Pop-Pop’s money until she took over his finances when he went into a nursing home at the age of 102. Yes, at 100 he was still pretty active with his finances.

TLDR; Great Grandfather builds an apartment for homeless stepson, they run off in the middle of the night after an Uncle dies giving the money to stepson’s wife and take everything in the apartment. Great Grandfather and Great Grandmother disown the stepson with nothing in the will. Uncle cons his sister to give him the remaining money, but Great Grandfather outlives Uncle and Uncle's money goes to his sister.

(source) story by (/u/Konacha)

[post-itpenny]

Final Business

Some Mafia AU that went on for way long than intended so I apologize for the length. Tagging @clownsgobeepbeep and @grotesquegabby since a few of yours make cameos. 

Maggie sat at the little desk outside her boss’ office nervously tapping her fingers. She heard a soft jingle as a tiny figure stepped out, she gave Amaranthus a smile and tiny wave. The little girl returned so in kind before giving Maggie a suspicious look.

Maggie snickered and pulled a small paper bag from her purse, inside of which was a large cinnamon roll which she ripped in half.

“Normally I prefer these for breakfast.” Maggie giggled as she gave half to Ama, “but today is special I think.”

Ama munched on her half of the pastry, pausing on occasion to let her cat Mune lick some of the frosting from her fingers. 

Maggie scarfed down her half of the pastry, her eyes flicking to the door of the office ever so often.

“Why is today special?”

Maggie turned to Ama at the question. “Well today I have to ask your dad for a really, really big favor that’s why. This cinnamon roll grants courage.”

Maggie spoke with such certainty that Ama took a moment to stare in awe at the remains of the treat in her hands before quickly eating the rest.

“Daddy is really nice, you don’t need to be sc-scared.”

Maggie gave a tight smile, the whole ruse of being a secretary felt silly and she was absolutely certain the kid had some awareness of what her dad did for a living. Until moments like this that is. 

Maggie gave the little girl a thumbs up before going to the office door and giving a knock.

“Enter.”

Maggie found her boss seated behind his desk filling out some kind of paperwork. She hated calling him boss if she was honest with herself but that was what Blueblood was. Besides, part of her was worried if she continued to call him “ass” in her head that one day it would accidentally slip out.

“Good morning Miss Bryne I believe today you were on desk duty.”

Maggie straightened her shoulders. “Yeah well about that, sir I need to ask-”

Blueblood looked up, Maggie never started off by calling him “sir.”

“What do you want Maggie?”

“I need the day off.”

“Now?”

“Its an emergency.”

Blueblood frowned, waiting for her to elaborate. Maggie however kept silent, refusing to look away first.

“So you’re not going to even tell me why?”

“No, not now at least it's a family emergency.”

“You do know I did a background check on you yes? Miss Bryne you don’t have any family.”

Maggie flinched at the observation but refused to back down. “If you did as thorough a check as you claimed then you would know that's not entirely true. Sir I need the day off. I will owe you double the favor. Hell, I’ll do the next couple jobs free if it makes you happy.”

Bloueblood sneered, “best not considering you could stand to dress more professionally.” He eyed her scuffed boots and worn clothes. Something very obvious now that she wore a new boa. 

Maggie rolled her eyes but held her tongue, she needed this too much to blow it in the name of getting the last word.

Blueblood arched an eyebrow, surprised at her lack of sarcasm. “Fine then, double the favor and I would appreciate some form of proper explanation after. Tomorrow I expect you here bright and early.”

Maggie sighed with relief and turned to go, “thank you so much-”

“Also, stop feeding my Angel so many sweets. She gets plenty already with all the tea parties she has.”

Maggie scoffed, “oh let the kid live a little. No childhood is complete without a little sugar rush.” 

Before he could argue she was out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had been saving for years, putting aside every penny she could spare and watching the housing market like a hawk. 

At long last, there was just enough.

Maggie’s better paycheck had helped immensely, something that made her question why was she being paid such a small wage to begin with. But Magpie sunk a large portion of her savings in as well and bought a small cottage that sat in the country nearly two hours from the city. 

Magpie had an armed guard nearly 24/7,  Maggie couldn’t be there to make sure her adopted mother was alright. When he was finally let in on the plan Vespers saw to it himself to help cover the signing fees and drive his aunt to the real estate office himself. Now here he was driving her to one final stop, one last piece of business.

The Godfather’s manor never felt so cold and unwelcoming to Magpie. This had been her childhood home, now it was a cave draped in finery. Her brother stood outside the door to the Godfather’s office, he looked so angry.

Magpie arched a questioning brow, what could she have possibly done to him personally to earn such a look?

Inside Blackwood sat waiting surrounded by guard, the blind old woman next to him as stoic as ever.

Magpie suppressed a shiver. Bridgette Bryne had always been next to her grandfather’s side, the two had always needed each other but Magpie knew how much they truly did not get along. Such an odd relationship.

“My dear Magpie,” Blackwood warmly greeted, “it's been quite sometime since you’ve visited us Angel.”

Magpie kissed his offered hand before stepping back. “Good day sir, I deeply appreciate you seeing me on such short notice.”

Blackwood sighed, “I understand how upset you must feel losing Maggie, Ms. Bryne herself was quite frustrated were you not Bridgette dear?” Blackwood asked the woman next to him.

Bridgette gave a mournful nod but nothing else, though she was blind her eyes somehow managed to land on Peregrine at the back of the room. 

“However my darling Angel,” Blackwood continued, “I must ask why such dramatics?”

Magpie felt a cold sweat break out on the back of her neck. “Sir?”

Blackwood gave a thin smile, “you came to tell me you were leaving yes? Don’t think you could hide buying a house of all things.”

“Magpie gripped the cuffs of her coat sleeves. “Sir I have long desired to leave the city altogether you know this. I have already arranged for Joseph and Vega to take over the care of the shop and I find that I am no longer useful to you anyways. What's more with Jack’s crew running about I’m only a liability to you my dear Blackwood sir. I felt this would be the better arrangement.”

“But you seem to be under the impression I would allow you to leave my dear Angel.”

Magpie frowned, she was afraid of this. It took so much begging to him for her to retire, even more to find an arrangement that allowed her to leave the manor. Blackwood was a manipulative and greedy one no doubt. A control freak till the end.

“Sir I serve no purpose to you. My last act of service was caring for Ms. Bryne’s granddaughter-”

“Which you did quite wonderfully. I’m afraid the girl’s own rash behavior caused this consequence.”

Bridgette hummed in annoyance, “she certainly didn’t get it from me.”

Blackwood cleared his throat to pull the attention back to him. “I never formally dismissed you from service to your family Magpie my dear. While I am upset to have lost one perfectly good asset I refuse to lose another.”

“You have a funny way of treating your valuable people if I may be so bold, sir.” Magpie deadpanned.

Blackwood grinned, it was not a good thing. “Ah there it is. So this is where the little bird got her sass. Oh but I do take care of what is valuable my Angel. I shall reacquire Maggie in time don’t you fret and when I do she shall come directly back to her grandmother for training again. Blueblood will either drive her out or toss her aside quickly no doubt. A harsh lesson in obedience but a solid one.”

Magpie blanched, horrified at how serious he was. But Blackwood was still smiling. “What’s more my darling Angel you can’t possibly leave now given your recent promotion.”

“What promotion?”

“Well I can’t possibly be around forever Magpie. It has been my intention for years that you would be the perfect fit. You have a generous nature and are very calculating. But you and I both know the coldness underneath that fa-sod. A perfect fit indeed.

Magpie stood in shock, processing this new information. No wonder her brother was so angry.

Magpie started laughing. 

It was a loud, hysterical laugh. Blackwood’s smile quickly slipping from his face.

“No you fool of an old man. I can’t stand you, why on Earth would I want to replace you?”

She continued to laugh as she turned to leave, only to be stopped when three of Blackwood’s men drew guns.

The laughter stopped but Magpie still did not turn to face him.

“Please by all means, go ahead and shoot.”

She took another step.

The man to her left pulled the trigger.

BAM!

The man collapsed, brains blown out. Magpie stock still with her gun still pointed in his direction.

Where she had even drawn the gun from did not matter, she didn't even look to the man when she shot him.

The other two gunmen backed away, Magpie looked over her shoulder with a giggle, she had a cold but mad look in her eye.

This is what Blackwood was so desperate to keep.

His Angel of Death. 

“Such a bastard,” she hissed. “You never let me off my leash unless it was to maw your enemies. You kept both my little bird and I on tight funds so we could never gain any financial independence. You expect me to admire and adore you and fear you all at once. How stupid. The only thing you can truly hold over me you allowed my brother to send packing into the hands of a devil but far, far out of your grip.”

Blackwood paled, looking to Peregrine who stood with his arms crossed and just the slightest smirk.

“My deepest apologies sir, you did tell me to deal with her as I saw fit. Maggie was a liability.”

Blackwood looked from one sibling to the other, perhaps… just perhaps… they were more coordinated than he thought.

Again Magpie laughed, “shoot me I don’t care. But you know I’m faster than any of your men Blackwood. If I die you come with me.”

The words hung in the air.

She was right and they all knew it.

Magpie walked out the door gun in her hand, her brother did not follow but did give just the tiniest smile on her way out.

Mission accomplished.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vespers had been waiting in the car, he did not see his aunt tuck a gun into the band of her skirt. All he saw was a tired older woman he had been tasted to drive to the bus station with her bags.

“I’m really sorry I can’t come with you like planned Aunt Pie,” Vespers sighed. “I have some unexpected errands to run tonight.”

Magpie smiled and gave her nephew a kiss on the head, “it’s quite alright Vessy dear. I won’t be alone. By the way, some parting advice for you. Please do yourself a favor and talk to that D’Vitt boy. The worst that can happen is he isn’t interested.” 

Vespers blushed in embarrassment as they arrived at the bus station. Almost not noticing Maggie come up to the car and help Magpie out.

“So I can’t stay the night but I’ll take the last bus back so I can help you get settled.”

Magpie smiled and hugged Maggie tightly, the two carrying Magpie’s bags as they boarded the bus together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the D’Vitt Casino no one was aware of the drama that had occurred at the Blackwood estate. They were just aware that one Blackwood was now walking towards the bar where Stellar D’Vitt had been speaking with the bartender.

He frowned at the white-haired figure that approached, “what the hell are you doing here?”

Vespers gave a cheeky grin. “Well I have been running errands all evening and finished my last one not too far from here. Figured I would stop by and grab a drink before calling it a night. Mind joining me?”

Stellar sneered, “whatever you’re after you won’t find it here.” With this he walked off leaving Vespers alone at the bar.

The bartender watched in mild amusement as Vespers sat down with a tired sigh, “it’s Harley yes? It's been a long day friend, what do you recommend?” 

Harley shook his head with a smirk as he reached for a glass.