#or how about the time the space racists didnt want to be saved by him because they were racist

[bringslife]

so tired of seeing ppl (non rp fandom) complaining about the doctor crying whenever he’s in an emotionally traumatizing situation.

[welcometogrouchland]

It's mostly the fault of poor editorial practices that B&R is so heavily misaligned continuity-wise w/ the main batman book. But walk with me for a minute:

You are Damian Wayne. You are 14 years old and have had one of the worst years of your life last year. Which is saying a lot.

Your brother, one of the people you were closest to, got shot in the head and forgot who you were. Your best friend went to space for a week and came back 3/4 years older than you, taking away your previously established dynamic and leaving you to have to bond all over again w/ a new one. You may or may not have gone wayyy too far with your new superhero team, who now all hate you, because you fucked up big time*

And worst of all, when you do try to do the right thing, you end up forced to watch Alfred, a father figure to you, the only one at your birthday that year, the person who has been so patient, loving and trusting with you, even when you probably didnt deserve it...die. you watch him die, and feel it's all your fault.

And your dad never corrects you on that last point. So you run away.

First to your mom who can tell something's up with you, she knows you don't give up that easy, you decide not to stay with her because you remembered how actually, neither of your parents are good at communicating with you despite their best efforts, so now you're 14 and flying solo.

And you do fly solo. For a while. Make new friends, new enemies. You think you're better off for it. You've got your best friend and your brother back. They're not around as much. It's fine.

And eventually your dad tells you that it's not your fault that Alfred died. Bit late but it's appreciated. Really. There's a bit of a hiccup where you get possessed by a demon and wage war against your father but after that, all in all, you two are...together again.

You start to think maybe you want to give him another chance, for the two of you to be father and son.

And in a change of pace, it works out! It's going good, mostly. He insists you go to highschool, you resist, feel like he wants you to be something that you're not (wants you to be normal), but eventually you acquiesce for your own reasons. He cheers you on at soccer and nosies around at your fundraising events with the other parents and gives you a stern talking to about your choice of girlfriend. Because he cares.

Except all the while this is going on, your dad is currently having his brain slowly taken over by an evil version of himself that he created and every time you look away he's slowly tearing your family apart (your brothers are just barely keeping it together. The ones who didn't get lobotmized that is Jesus Christ). You keep taking his side in these conflicts, for whatever reason. Maybe because he promised it would be different this time, and it isn't** and you're going to stick with him until he keeps his word for once.

But at the end of the day?

It's like your brother says. You're not the one who saves him. Broadly speaking, you've made things worse and needed others to come save you. And what else is Robin really for? You thought it was about redemption and teamwork but guess you're wrong. It's about saving your self destructive, apparently two-faced and erratic father. And you can't even do that right.

* TT (2016) by Adam Glass is a racist ooc mess, but unfortunately it's still canon so I'm referencing here, though like a lot of works authors clearly wish weren't canon but are, it's been subsequently glossed over. Win? Maybe? Or not?

** again Zdarky's characterization of Damian is so outdated as to be ooc, and considering the way he constantly and explicitly uses it to illustrate Tim's strengths as robin, I'd argue there's. Also implications there. But the batshit insanity of the main batbook compared to B&R rn is crucial for this post, so I'm attempting to justify it. This time..

[the-hellsing-organisation]

Ordinarily I do not indulge in callout posts, unless a person's mental health might be in serious danger - and it's not a petty lie somebody made up, providing no screenshots, or simple ones taken out of context.

I have received multiple messages now, proving to me that the Hellsing Discord server 'The Hellsing Fanserver' lead by 'Artillery' is unfortunately a place people need to be warned about.

While everyone could assure me they do offer good scans of the Hellsing manga, the members of the server indulged in:

- Purposefully misgendering people

- Making fun of triggers, trans people and people with severe mental illnesses

- Purposefully using triggers against other server members

- Manipulating other people to use the triggers against the person they concern and shifting the blame on them afterwards

- Bringing explicit sexual themes to a server with minors

Afterwards they would celebrate their 'success', making fun of the people they hurt.

The so called 'trolling' (though I wouldn't dare to call such a hurtful behaviour this) was encouraged on the server, so I would deem it an unsafe environment for everyone whose mental health might be affected by such things.

Please be careful if these things concern you and please do not encourage such behaviour.

It's not only hurtful, it is downright cruel.

The invitations, though the links are expired.

Here you see some of the accounts that were directly involved.

Please be careful.

Tumblr Accounts

Discord Accounts

I can only assume alts mean something like alternative accounts he and his friends created in order to do these things, engaging others on the server to do the same.

He then proceeds to share the success of the hurtful behaviour on before mentioned Discord server, commenting such:

^ The “he” they are referring to is a demi girl. And yes, on the other server the pronouns are clearly stated and everyone is asked to respect them.

He is downright admitting openly to have his friends manipulated other people to use the triggers against another person.

(For context: A server members triggers were ‘Borderlands” and ‘Kingdom Hearts’.

He stated this trigger a few hours before and unfortunately the mod, after a sleepless night, was unable to memorise it during that time so ‘Abd’ took advantage of it.

Another mod quickly drew attention to her mistake and of course she apologised to the person she triggered and was forgiven.)

Unfortunately many screenshots - involving the sexual advances and the 'making fun of transgenders' are missing due to the default ban option of the server, but several eye witnesses were able to confirm them.

There was a person pretending to be a transwoman to make fun of transpeople (The person was introducing themselves like: ‘Hello, I am a man, my pronouns are he/him, but I wish to be a woman’ It didn’t sound very genuine to the trans people on the server), people making up all sorts of triggers to make fun of people who have triggers, a person pretending to be a kin, and people, who were trying to spread paedophilic messages with spreading the news that ‘age is just a number’.

And in case people still believe it was an accident:

They deliberately threaten people and plan to hurt them, while making fun of their triggers.

I’m truly lost for words…

For everyone who didn’t know: It is not your place to judge triggers and for the love of God, please don’t make fun of them.

You don’t know the history behind them. It’s good if you have none yourself, it really is, but it shouldn’t make you blind to another person’s suffering.

And you certainly shouldn’t encourage other people to “hunt” people with triggers “down” and “go to war” against them.

Also the owner of server is openly hostility against lgbtq + people - especially trans people - , PoC and antisemitic jokes are the norm there.

They too use nationalist-socialist symbols as emojis in their servers, so people who are triggered by such symbols should be careful.

“Jew Alert”

Blaming one group for the action of singular people should us remind too much of darker parts in history.

I know people with the same experience, that doesnt mean they should actively seek out ot destroy the mental health of all trans people, because one of them hurt them.

Let the submitted texts speak for themselves.

And just in case if anybody believes those are fake:

As soon as Satan saw them, he pmed another person:

Those screenshots are real. They are not fake, like he claims they are and he admits that making fun of trigger and trans people was part of his “troll introductions”.

And just in case anybody is wondering if there are truly toxic trolls on this server? This is a submission I got:

When the original is:

Im sorry.

What they did should speak for itself, but don't try to add lies here. Lies that are obviously having their origin in the server itself.

If you still believe the attacks on this blog didn't come from the server:

This is what Artillery posted as soon as he found this post.

After this the attacks started [as you can see here], so don't tell me your server is not responsible and keep your NSFW implications out of a server with minors and away from this blog!

Also you being an immigrant has nothing to do with the fact, that your server is not safe for minors, lgtbq+ people - especially transpeople - people with trauma and poc.

Even if you claims are real - your and your friends prejudices against the other groups remain.

Satan apologised openly and promised to take better care of people mental health.

The emojis however will remain, though we have been told they have specific channels for offensive jokes.

“In our discussions with the tumblr group, we realized that the situation was far more complicated than we realized. There is a a third party, not associated with us or the tumblr group, who is deliberately spreading false information with the presumed agenda of causing drama and conflict between us. With this in mind, we've agreed the best course of action is to mutually end the escalation of conflict and apologize for what occured. Following that, I want to again make clear that nobody should be going after the tumblr group, their discord server, or anywhere other online spaces. We don't know where the tumblr trolls came from, but we do not support them. Their statements were racist, antisemitic, and violent. What we did in their server was wrong and a mistake. 

I want to personally apologize to a few specific people for what happened. Their server got raided, and during all of it we did not take their mental health into account, causing a lot of people to have panic attacks. Their triggers were invalidated, and people were manipulated. There were also a lot of innapropriate and offensive statements involved. While many things happened without my knowledge, it spiraled out of control because of the initial server raid, and I want to offer my sincerest apologies for that, and for everything else.”

Update:

He lied. He doesn’t regret anything.

Do you remember how he claimed he never ordered an attack on anybody?

Yes.... that was a lie.

He did plan to attack, though one member - the one they would later throw out of the admin team stopped him from attacking more people.

It should have given us red flags they would ban the only member from the team who was actively against the bullying.

And as we see here they did attack the second time as soon as the opportunity arouse when Artillery were sending people after us after saying we should suck his d*.

So he didnt learn a thing. Please survivors stay save.

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: [Enough time later that you might think you’ll not hear from him again, realistically like a day or two but given what you did it’d seem like longer/regret and dip ‘cos ya should but we know that ain’t it]

Joe: you spent Charlie’s modelling money yet

Ronnie: long gone baby like you

Ronnie: if you were after a cut shouldve taken it sooner

Joe: nah, it’s yours

Joe: his but sounds like he enjoyed himself, by her account

Joe: no need to ask what you spent it on

Ronnie: but you wanna hear my account yeah

Ronnie: thats what this is

Joe: do you think that’s what this is

Ronnie: youre not taking up space in my head mckenna

Joe: and not in your diary, as you pointed out up top

Joe: busy busy yeah

Ronnie: i werent asked to audition to be a doss student cunt 💔

Ronnie: & the one he brought back didnt fancy me enough to ask me to join in either

Ronnie: busy getting out their way

Joe: leave it a couple years you’ll be a mature student and they ask less questions

Joe: how rude

Joe: after you told him about your massive cock and everything? 💔

Ronnie: go ed and dig me up when youve graduated then

Ronnie: 3s a crowd when 2 of em are scousers & the others from fuck knows where didnt have you to translate or the horse for scale

Joe: after an invite? Sure thing, sis

Joe: not Kent then, gutted

Ronnie: less questions you said put your ? away gobshite

Ronnie: not england but i aint a skinhead who cares so hes as alive as dorothy ever leaves em

Joe: people love that though

Joe: black EDL members and asian conservatives, such a laugh for ‘em

Ronnie: too late to go back and put the boot in now he ll have been shown the door & it wasnt me getting a name or number

Joe: his loss all ‘round then, I get it

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: alright, so I need linking

Ronnie: you got cash or you selling yourself

Joe: I’ve got cash, just not the contact

Ronnie: hand it over ill pick up for you

Joe: you think i’m that green

Ronnie: what colour do you reckon you are

Joe: you’ve got no prejudice, apparently, so what’s it matter

Joe: [picture of some of the multi-coloured bruises you acquired]

Ronnie: he was a pussy & you want me to connect you to people who aint

Ronnie: youre an easy target

Joe: you wanna pocket my money yourself instead, I get it

Joe: you can have a % of the shit, alright

Joe: not asking you to do it for nothing

Ronnie: thats all theyd do when you show up with your baby face and habit

Ronnie: ill take your money & still have it pocketed cos i dont need student loans to score no shit are you asking me to do it for nothing

Joe: what you gonna give me to keep hold of ‘til you give me mine

Ronnie: add an arm to your collection what do i care

Joe: yeah, what do ya

Ronnie: you want a easy pick up get a schoolboy plug i dont know any

Ronnie: i care about money youre ready to waste

Joe: that’s part of the appeal

Joe: why get it in a safe, nearly legitimate way

Joe: half the fun, eh, alright, alright

Joe: do it then, I don’t know no fucker else I can ask yet, I’ve gambled on worse

Ronnie: i just wanna get it thats the fun

Ronnie: get into a fight with whoever the fuck you like whenever for a pissing contest

Joe: you wanna start one ‘fore I’ve given you the cash and you’ve given me mine?

Joe: that’s blatant bullshit

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: save your childish excitement for the phone call home like

Joe: nah, you’re full of shit that it’s not just as much about the company and authentic experience

Joe: there’s plenty dealers that are nowt but businessmen

Joe: nothing but a transaction and they’ll sell to a junkie and city banker as one in the same

Joe: don’t act like you don’t have a deathwish or what was the point of taking me there and showing me

Ronnie: where the fuck am i meeting buisinessmen or getting the cash to pay em

Ronnie: dont be fucking rem

Joe: everyone’s stupid enough to wanna get their dick sucked over cold hard cash every other deal, no matter how presentable or legit they play

Ronnie: ive got the links ive got

Joe: fine

Joe: where you wanna do this then

Ronnie: whats your problem

Ronnie: [but a location anyway]

Joe: what’s mine

Joe: thought we’d covered that in length or are you less convinced now

Ronnie: convinced youve got fuck all to cry about

Joe: obviously

Joe: definitely bother with you if that were true

Ronnie: you wanted a big sister im doing all the hand holding

Joe: I never did and I still don’t

Joe: but you carrying on with the pretence if it makes you feel better

Ronnie: i didnt come to you or ask for fuck all to make me better

Joe: yeah you’re blameless

Joe: all in my fucked up head and not yours

Joe: what’s it like being an 👼🏼

Ronnie: i already told you you aint in my head & you werent in my veins for long enough to get fucking soft about it

Joe: i’ll be there in [however long that’d take you]

Ronnie: boss

Joe: you sound like them, you know

Ronnie: i dunno who the fuck youre talking about

Joe: the rest of the fam, of course

Joe: glad to see that the level of chatting bollocks to make yourself feel better is genetic, s’not depressing at all

Ronnie: that still dont clear fuck all up for me except that youre a bigger cunt than i thought

Joe: you don’t think about me

Joe: and none of that shit happened, your memory loss and confusion extends to that, don’t worry

Ronnie: you like me but you still compare me to em every chance you get

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: yeah, fuck me

Joe: like you haven’t just

Joe: forget it, actually forget it

Ronnie: youre as full of shit as you reckon I am

Ronnie: forget that its been ages & youre speaking up now cause you want something

Joe: i haven’t been able to flick my brain onto anything else, never mind shut it down, I haven’t slept or eat or done anything to take me away from it, you

Joe: and it meant nothing to you

Joe: fuck you

Ronnie: gear not me

Ronnie: theres the authentic experience you were going on about

Joe: no

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: this is what I mean

Joe: you know as well as I do what it was

Joe: why are you fucking lying and saying I am

Ronnie: im a junkie all i do is lie & nothing else means anything to me

Ronnie: youre worse than green if you dont fucking know that

Joe: you’re lying that it meant nothing

Joe: not lying that it did

Joe: even if it made you fucking sick, that isn’t nothing and I don’t believe you

Ronnie: dont believe me i dont care who the fuck are you

Joe: your brother

Ronnie: youre nothing

Joe: yeah right

Ronnie: the dealer means more

Joe: already pointed out you’re that much of a cliche

Ronnie: what we can’t both be a cliche take it then

Joe: never heard that one

Ronnie: nows your chance to make a final comparison between me & whatever family member you hate or are turned on by the most

Joe: final chance, alright then, sound even more stupid

Ronnie: sound like more of a pussy that youre kicking off over this but not gonna fuck off

Joe: why would I?

Joe: i’m not pretending that it weren’t a thing

Ronnie: nah youre pretending it was

Ronnie: whoever the fuck ever told you youre special is the liar here like

Joe: your mate don’t count, you ain’t done that before either so fuck off with your jaded routine

Ronnie: hes my brother when & where it counts

Joe: there’s no blood and no reason not to go there, that’s where it counts

Ronnie: if i wanted to fuck you too your ma wouldnt stop me she means even less than you

Joe: yeah

Joe: you and your life aren’t totally fucked because of how much you care

Ronnie: you dont know shit about me or my life

Joe: you wish

Ronnie: you dont

Joe: or do you, actually

Joe: you shove it in everyone’s face, what do you reckon everyone thinks

Ronnie: youve seen a few scars & now youve seen into my soul yeah

Ronnie: shut the fuck up for all you know i lived a couple of doors down from you for your whole bullshit childhood

Joe: you look like that and reckon it doesn’t scream mommy issues? Fuck off, you aren’t that dumb

Ronnie: fuck you

Ronnie: everything you do is pure about her

Joe: not everything but I can admit she contributed

Ronnie: shes the 1st bitch to fuck me over but not the only is the difference between us

Ronnie: that unwanted bullshit was a pattern

Joe: you don’t know me either

Ronnie: i know you had a set of parents who kept hold of you however fucking west you were

Ronnie: no cunt was calling you racist shit or trying to touch you up

Joe: you’ve got a monopoly on fucked then, got it

Ronnie: like fuck have i but mine dont start & stop at mommy dearest how you think

Joe: of course it doesn’t

Joe: neither does mine

Ronnie: stop acting like youre an expert on how and why my head is wrecked and i wont have to kick yours in

Joe: you started it

Joe: but that’s good with me

Ronnie: get over yourself mckenna

Ronnie: you like what i start

Joe: i prefer the other night

Ronnie: yeah i like when youre getting punched in the face too

Joe: you can do the honours in a bit

Joe: fuck healing, yeah

Ronnie: what did your girlfriend say

Joe: oh, I got mugged and her dad’s gonna get her some pepper spray and a rape alarm 👍

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: but she ll have dreamt you fell off the horse only got the single fantasy in her

Joe: that her dad’s so responsible and caring? would be her #2 if she had the range

Ronnie: if hes delivering that shit in person let me know so i can start something with him

Joe: oh god

Joe: that reminds me

Joe: She wants to invite Charlie over for like, a dinner party or something

Ronnie: if her daddy is there hes gonna need that rape alarm back off her to fend off mary

Joe: 😂

Joe: idk if she’s that oblivious and now wants Charlie to fuck her, or she thinks he’s my only mate 🙄

Ronnie: shes over you baby i scared her off

Joe: or she thought you was gonna ask for a line 😏

Joe: if that’s true I’ll owe you, again

Ronnie: ket hook up

Joe: you think she’ll let her love be in pain on your behalf?

Joe: not likely

Ronnie: not gonna ask politely

Joe: hot

Joe: I was gonna hit you up sooner

Joe: I tried to find you after

Ronnie: you didnt try hard

Joe: I only had one eye, by that point

Ronnie: im an attention whore with screaming mommy issues cant make it no easier to spot me in a crowd

Joe: in that crowd?

Joe: or will you be pissy if I call you dime a dozen

Ronnie: still got the accent as my own personal rape alarm

Joe: where’d you go then

Ronnie: youre a tourist theres no point telling you

Joe: if you left with that lad, no need to go over the details, got the picture

Ronnie: why the fuck would i leave with him

Joe: you mean you weren’t in his pants for his benefit

Joe: careful, getting bit close to honesty

Ronnie: i mean to go where i dont need a horse or an en suite

Ronnie: youre a hopeless romantic like

Joe: that’s a new complaint, I’ll tell my exes

Joe: deffo their fault after-all, buzzing

Ronnie: how many are there

Joe: get less slut-shaming off Soph, cheek

Joe: I dunno, I had to keep it moving because of all the secret mommy issues, you know

Joe: I’ll do a tally

Ronnie: its not already carved into your arm no wonder theyre pissy at you

Joe: if that worked for any of ‘em they could come back from the ex thing

Joe: 💔

Ronnie: try her initials whatever the fuck they are in between dinner party courses and win her back

Joe: you should come

Ronnie: id be made up if she pepper sprays me

Joe: it’d be the only way this won’t be the worst evening ever

Ronnie: loads of ways to take out your other eye ill pass you a spoon

Joe: give a go doing my A-Z carving with it too

Joe: 🤞 she invites her twink classmate and you can try for your threesome

Ronnie: she’ll get in there before us cause youll have distracted me with the state of your cackhanded 💘 carving

Joe: can’t say I’d be sorry

Ronnie: you catholics invented anal but i reckon its overrated

Joe: you’d probably feel different if that’s where your g-spot was but can’t say I disagree with that either, not that that’s anything too deep to have in common so we’re fine

Joe: and raised strictly un-catholic so the pope can’t have a go

Ronnie: nah no cunt would find it if it was there either

Joe: 💔 baby

Ronnie: you mean it

Joe: yeah

Joe: which bit, though

Ronnie: my invite to the shitshow

Joe: ‘course

Joe: if it’s shit, you’ll only have yourself to blame for not livening it up enough

Joe: and I will have to kill myself if I have to be there sincerely

Ronnie: he knows about you

Ronnie: might wanna kill yourself if he opens his mouth

Joe: oh

Joe: so I’m gonna have to act all nice and respectful, yeah

Ronnie: if you wanna make me sound full of shit

Joe: what did you say?

Ronnie: told him i shot you he werent best pleased about it but youre not his brother so fuck all he can do

Joe: sweet

Joe: still not gonna fuck him though

Ronnie: hed get your g spot for you 🍒

Joe: not if he’s worried about my innocence

Ronnie: hes worried about my head getting wrecked not yours only bitch who is

Joe: you’ll have to tell him what you told me

Joe: I ain’t in there

Ronnie: you fairies bring everything back to your obsession with your mothers course hes no fucking exception

Ronnie: & cos i stole my file when i was a kid he thinks i give a shit too you were part of the happy 🏡 picture he was getting in a flap about but i tore through that 🌈 optimism with the 💉

Ronnie: you can have lively

Joe: better he knows than goes on about it

Joe: it’s far from 🌈☀️ even if you were up for it

Ronnie: every soft lad but him knows its ⛈ if not outright 🌨

Joe: when I started looking, if you were like them, I weren’t even gonna bother to talk to you

Joe: just give her the info and let her do it herself

Joe: but I knew you weren’t

Ronnie: told you youd have liked me at 9

Joe: 😏 yeah yeah

Ronnie: shed have bailed before scrolling that far back even with the pure messy sketchy shit kept off for the sake of dorothys cv

Joe: idk,she bangs on about her own glory days as ‘precaution’ enough

Joe: probably dead proud

Ronnie: raincheck on dinner i gotta go slit my throat after hearing that like

Joe: yeah, it’s real fun

Joe: far as starters go though, you’re welcome

Ronnie: cos you owe me go ed & drag my corpse there dress it up like horse girl and send her that info so i dont make her proud yeah

Joe: gotcha

Joe: the fibres sending Soph down are an unfortunate side-affect or added bonus, depending how you feel

Ronnie: dressing like a dyke art teacher is shady to my mourners hed have loved having me on the team

Joe: sure she wants to be buried in her jodhpurs, like

Joe: not gay but kink-adjacent, he’ll be alright

Ronnie: inside the horse youll have to hollow it out for her

Joe: poor horse not ready to be made into glue but there we go

Ronnie: but when youre ready to follow me to the grave only need a plastic bag

Joe: follow you anywhere, or whatever sounds good in a song

Ronnie: not had a little brother like that before

Ronnie: never know the mime is behind you or not

Joe: he shy or you cut his tongue out altogether

Ronnie: saving that for you cos i know how you feel about 🍒 & theres fuck all else left

Ronnie: hed never get attention whore out or mommy issues w & m forget it

Joe: I can feel the slutshame

Joe: there hasn’t been hundreds, come on

Joe: you were being weird, I needed to get you talking, it worked

Ronnie: how many then

Joe: I guess 6 total, not counting anyone before like 15 because that isn’t real, maybe 7 but we might be pushing the term girlfriend there

Ronnie: 💘 how many songs

Joe: not destined for the bin? Fuck all

Joe: cliche points off the charts though

Ronnie: i know youve seen the busking vids hes still got posted up that im in i cant say shit

Joe: you’re good

Joe: even when you have to go Top40 for the tips

Joe: class thing about the cello, looks more pitiful ‘cos the case is massive, people try to fill it, like

Ronnie: soz im not killing myself fast enough for you

Ronnie: miss me with your schoolboy cliches 🖕

Joe: don’t worry, the songs were ‘insert name here’ jobs if they were anything

Joe: don’t wanna sound like I’m singing about a 75 year old bloke, do I

Ronnie: if itd been changed you wouldnt have found me shit at stalking as you are songwriting like

Joe: you’ve already got your own song anyway, don’t be greedy

Ronnie: ill keep you some 🐴 if youre not

Ronnie: 1st thing i tried if you do wanna follow after us

Joe: trip down memory lane we can both handle

Joe: ‘course

Ronnie: dont have any exes itll have to do

Joe: prefer the ket

Ronnie: write a song about it

Joe: [blatantly will in a pisstake way]

Ronnie: k gonna be dead easy to carve with the spoon can do it rattling

Joe: your faith in my abilities is appreciated

Ronnie: youre not fucking here youll have to

Joe: just got out the station hold on

Ronnie: fuck telling me to hold on you hurry up

Joe: if you shut up I can run

Ronnie: can you

Joe: fuck off i’m not that unfit 😂

Ronnie: nah dead fit far as homos and horse girls reckon

Joe: lucky me

Ronnie: youve had 7 bitches no cunts gonna feel sorry for you

Joe: all various shades of boring though

Ronnie: no shit

Joe: so you’re saying you ain’t gutted for me? 💔

Ronnie: your virginity sob story is like me in that crowd of cunts you couldnt find your way through

Joe: Christ, don’t remind me, first and last time I ever went near a virgin

Ronnie: theyre all older than you itd be pathetic well as boring

Joe: exactly

Joe: too much hassle having to worry about them, destroys any point of doing it

Ronnie: gotta put their kids in the cupboard as is

Joe: fortune in gaffa tape, like

Ronnie: still not 💔 mckenna going on about how flush you are since i met you

Joe: amazing how far you can stretch the loans when you steal Soph’s food and do fuck all that ain’t necessary

Joe: not like I actually dated any sugar mommies

Joe: should’ve, clearly but carefree 18-25s are easiest actually

Ronnie: gears necessary now youre gonna have to start stealing more than her pasta shapes

Joe: you’re my manager now, are you 😏

Joe: there’s shit I can do, music gigs, it’s fine

Ronnie: fine for your baby habit

Ronnie: it wont last

Joe: alright doom and gloom

Joe: not gonna learn how to cover my teeth yet

Ronnie: fuck off & fuck you

Joe: i’m here so come say it to my face

Ronnie: youre not better than me cos you can nod through a cello practice

Joe: where’d I say I was

Ronnie: when you said how fucking functional you are

Joe: I didn’t, I said I could get cash, that’s all

Ronnie: so can i its not the fucking point

Joe: and I didn’t say you couldn’t so what’s yours

Ronnie: youre not a fucking kid at the pool if youre gonna pussy out cos the waters too cold fucking do it

Joe: I’m in and you know that

Joe: so let me in

Ronnie: bullshit are you

Ronnie: youre proud of yourself for treading water

Joe: you’ve got the plug, I’ve got the cash, what is the problem with that

Joe: it’s an equalizer, if anything

Ronnie: we ll never be equal

Ronnie: you can cover your arm run off to class & pick up another boring girl whenever the fuck you like

Joe: what do you want me to do, seriously

Joe: say it

Ronnie: stop talking

Ronnie: fucks sake

Joe: [Show up hun]

Ronnie: [I love the idea that they have to wait around for ages for this dealer in awkward silence haha]

Joe: [the casual tension]

Ronnie: [god knows what she’s gonna use to ease the tension with a lil bit o self harm because god knows where they even are, I worry about you and all the infections you would get gal]

Joe: [the casual one-upmanship until you’re interrupted]

Ronnie: [we know she’s not paying him in cash and we know why she’s not please don’t get into another fight Joseph]

Joe: [got to let that one go as she was specifically like you’re not better than me, probably fuck off whilst that happens ‘cos not gonna stick about]

Ronnie: [take your heroin and calm down huns]

Joe: [hope you take enough to pass out ‘cos you’re not gonna be in any sort of mood now either of ya lol]

Ronnie: [we’ll do you both that favour]

[octaviablodreina]

Im doing a The 100 rewatch and see this is what bothers me about how they tried to vilify Octavia so much that they ruined characters because of it. So I just watched the episode in S3 where the Ice Nation blew up mount weather and then Bellamy is all broken up about it and turns to grounder hater racist Pike (the beginning of the decline of Bellamy’s character honestly) and Kane said put the blame where it is, with the Ice Nation and only them. But that also includes Echo. Shes the one who went there knowing Bellamy would listen to her, lied to them so they would leave and leave the mountain undefended and knew it was going to be blown up. And I get that she changed and evolved in the 6 years in space and he forgave her. But how can he forgive her for getting his then girlfriend blown up, truing to kill his sister twice (once more directly than the other, once where she literally killed her or so she thought she did, and the other in the conclave when she was trying to take everyone out). How can you forgive all of this and more and not even try and understand and try and forgive your own sister for the things she had to do to keep to human race alive. At the end of S2 Clarke says I bear it so they dont have to, and although at first hes mad at her, he eventually forgives Clarke too and they become close again, but you cant do the same for your sister, and then you continue to emotionally abuse her by saying to her that his sister is dead and you leave her to die alone on an unknown planet. Octavia was young and all her behavior is learnt, as you watch the seasons, you see all the actions the others do, and although at the time she hates those actions, she eventually is put in similar situations where she now knows that those actions are the only way to save the most people, she bears it so others dont have to...even to the point that others (kane, abby..) not only dont have to bear it, but they put all the blame on Octavia even though they were equally at fault..especially Abby. 

which is why I loved how Hope said that to Echo, like yeah youve been forgiven but dont expect Octavia to forget what you did to her..because it was TO HER, not others around her like Gina with Bellamy but literally Echo stabbed O and watched her fall off a cliff so I love that little moment. And I get that Octavia would want Bell to know she now understands what he did in the past for her, to raise her and how that could have affected him, but I dont see how thats relevant with how he has been treating for the past while. And even at that, he was quite overbearing with her...like in S1 when he was super controlling of her and didnt let her do anything. Hes always been critical and controlling. Whereas Octavia with Hope is loving and they have a much healthier family dynamic than the Blakes did. And yet she has to tell him she understand.... Why is it that its always Octavia that has to apologize for her actions and no one else, and she always needs to seek forgiveness when others are at fault as well, and others have done the exact same actions and yet they are forgiven without half the struggle O has to go through. She takes responsibility for what she has done and doesnt hide from it, unlike others who pretend it didnt happen or who say that it was for their people and try and act as though it was the only choice and it doesnt make them a bad guy...theres always a choice and O gets that and at least she embraces what she has done...and yet she gets persecuted for it, without people even stopping for a single minute to try and understand her situation and her point of view..instead they just try and kill her.

Anyway sorry this rant is going nowhere so ill just stop here

[cheriboms]

What happened in the mando finale 😳

I MEAN.

HOW MUCH DO U WANT TO KNOW ANON??? ill put it under a cut jic bc i wont hold back lmbo

(i put a tl;dr at the bottom which is the BIGGEST spoiler that everyones freaking out about, but if u want to know everything else then feel free to read this lol)

soooo in case ur not caught up on the show so far, basically din (mando) has been wandering the galaxy trying to give grogu (baby yoda) back to his people/kind, the jedi. during this time he runs into characters from other star wars media that have helped him (ahsoka tano, bo-katan kryze, boba fett) and some other new characters that (for the sake of this summary) are less important.

ANYWAY while trying to find a jedi for baby, said baby ends up getting kidnapped by this guy named moff gideon, who works for the empire and pretty much wants baby’s powerful force blood for some ~nefarious~ deeds: presumably cloning (snoke? palpatine?? not sure if its unconfirmed or if i just missed it, oop). moff gideon also has the darksaber, which is essentially like a black lightsaber that is very important to mandalore/the mandalorians (it basically marks them as the Leader). anyway the last episode had mando and the gang rallying up to save baby from the bad guys.

IN TERMS OF THE FINALE SPECIFICALLY !!!!

mando and the gang meet up with bo-katan to ask for her help. she and her associate (koska) are like... lowkey racist to boba?? (bc hes a clone) but agree to help AS LONG AS bo-katan gets to fight moff gideon (and get the darksaber back, bc she technically has a Right to the throne).

the gang hijacks an imperial ship and gets it to look like they are Friendly to the bad guys so they will be allowed into their base. boba pretends to attack them for ~realism~ and then dips for the rest of the episode once theyre in (which is a bit sad tbh. we missed u legend). the Ladies (bo-katan & koska, plus cara and fennec, who are new to the franchise) then storm out to cause a distraction as they go to the bridge, where they plan to take out gideon. meanwhile mando does a sneaky sneaky to save his baby from the prison cells. while he does this, a ton of dark troopers (SUPER powerful robots. like my man almost died trying to fight ONE) get activated but mando manages to shoot them all out of the airlock.

the Ladies get to the bridge but gideon is not there :( insetad he is waiting for mando in the cell and waving the darksaber around grogu’s lil bb head, being menacing (as villains do). mando and gideon fight with a spear and the darksaber respectively; ofc mando wins and they take gideon captive.

they meet up in the bridge and bo-katan is mad bc she didnt get to fight gideon. mando tries to give her the darksaber but the Mandalorian Rule is that you cant have it unless u win it in combat. (so essentially mando is like the King now. we love that for him)

just then the dark troopers come back (bc duh theyre robots and can easily fly back in from space) and everyone is SCREWED bc theyre super powerful and theres so many of THEM but so few of US etc etc. then suddenly an X-WING comes flying in and this hooded figure with chanel boots and a green lightsaber starts strutting the halls with the Most Dramatic Flair, absolutely OBLITERATING the threat like its just another monday. grogu gets all excited so they open the door and OML LUKE SKYWALKER???? (they cgi’ed his face and it doesnt look Great but they did get mark hamill to actually play him so i personally allow a pass)

luke asks to take the baby (to train him) and mando is like “uhhh i dont think he wants to go with you” at first until it turns out baby DOES want to go but is hesitant/asking for permission bc he doesnt want his dad to be upset :((( mando gets really sad but he wants The Best for his baby so he allows luke to take him away.

BUT BEFORE HE DOES, he takes off his helmet (which im assuming u know but he would rather DIE than do before in previous episodes) so that baby can see his face for the first/last time :((((( luke takes grogu in his arms (also r2d2 is there briefly) and then the episode ENDS with mando and baby looking at each other tearfully as luke gets in the elevator with baby and leaves.

(also there is an end credits scene of boba and fennec (they are friends) taking over jabbas palace on tatooine. they rule there now i guess? it pulled an mcu and basically hinted at a new show)

TL;DR THE FOUND FAMILY WAS BROKEN. DAD MANDO HAS DONE SO MUCH TO SAVE HIS BABY AND PROVIDE A GOOD LIFE FOR HIM, BUT NOW IS SAD BC THEY HAVE TO SEPARATE. ppl are worried that there wont be anymore dad/baby content (which is arguably the best part of the show; yes i said what i said), AND EVERYONE IS SAD BC THEY ARE SAD AND WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO WITHOUT EACH OTHER NOW????????

[bipirate]

my thoughts on the rise of skywalker below the cut :-) i’m not really saying anything new because most of it’s already been said but i still like writing out my thoughts

in all honesty it wasn’t as bad as i was expecting, it probably did its best with what the last jedi gave it. but this movie was really just the second AND third installment of this trilogy because nothing happened in tlj. you could probably make a 20 minute supercut of that movie and you’d have everything you need to know for tros. as a result of this the movie felt a little rushed and there really was no time for rest, everything happened so quickly.

things I didn’t like:

- ‘rey is palpatine’s granddaughter’ sounds like a crack theory from 2015. they probably did it to be ‘different’ and to ‘shock the audience’ because her being luke’s daughter, a skywalker, would’ve been too predictable or something. anyway sheev said ‘dew it’ which i did appreciate. i just wanted him to say ‘unlimited power’ too but alas

- kyle’s whole thing. i’m not gonna go on about it because we all feel the same but i just don’t think space nazis deserve a redemption (not even gonna dignify that by calling it an ‘arc’) and it completely sucked that they killed off leia to make it happen. it doesn’t even make sense? they communicated earlier in tlj and she even nearly died and he didn’t have a change of heart then. and now she’s dead and suddenly he’s a good guy? fuck that shit. the rey and kylo kiss didn’t make sense either, i can’t fathom why rey would want to kiss him after all he did, even if he did save her life. i remember just thinking like ‘man if kylo’s character had been set up from the beginning to have a redemption arc, it would have been much better! but instead here’s a man who committed mass murder and genocide and abused and tortured rey and her friends, had multiple chances to stop being an asshole, and didn’t. at least he died and rey didnt even seem all that sad about it

- the whole backstory they tried to give poe... first of all, they decided to give the latino man a drug smuggling backstory? how fucking original. it’s so racist and disrespectful to his character. weren’t poe’s parents also resistance fighters???? it just doesn’t make sense. and i wouldn’t have had an issue with him knowing zorii (that was her name right?), in fact it was interesting to see someone from poe’s past and have him interact with them, but then they gave him that ‘can i kiss you’ line that was 1. completely out of nowhere and unnecessary and 2. obviously intended to tell the audience that ‘of course he’s straight you silly lgbts!!!’ and it felt so gross to me. 

- they completely forgot about rose didn’t they.......

- i don’t know why but rey felt off to me. i loved rey in tfa so much but i think tlj and tros didn’t really capture the same characterisation to me. i can’t even put my finger on it. i also didn’t really like how she kept leaving finn and poe to do some shit without telling them what was up. in tfa she was so happy and shocked that finn would come back for her, she finally found people who cared about her, and then in this movie she just takes off on her own all the time

- finn’s who character was fucking robbed. again, people have pointed this out better than me so i’m not going to try and repeat their points here. it’s just so fucking tragic that he was sidelined so much in tlj which gave him no opportunity to catch up in tros. what was he gonna tell rey btw? they make such a big deal about it and then don’t bring it up again.

- lgbt rep? what lgbt rep? those women kissing don’t fucking count. imagine how groundbreaking it would have been if finnpoe actually happened. general husbands. 

things i did like

- the idea of rey going back to her scavenger roots in the wrecks of the death star was so cool. the idea of a light saber fight on top of the death star wrecks is also really fucking good. rey shouldve just killed kylo there tbh 

- finally we get some trio shenanigans!! aside from rey fucking off on her own all the time and the fact that she and poe didn’t seem to get along (come on they would be best friends, always talking about pilot stuff together) we finally got to see them interact together. their hug at the end.... really good

- like i said i didn’t like kyle’s redemption but i did like his scene with han and how it mirrored the one in tfa, that was nice.

- seeing lando again was really nice but man, he deserved more. 

- leia making poe a general and poe going ‘fuck it i’m gonna make finn a general too bc i can’t live without him’ like gay rights 

- jannah (?) and the other rogue stormtroopers!! wish they had more screentime or development or like, anything tbh!!

- hux being the spy was so uninspired but it was fucking funny tbh

[patriotsnet]

Who Funds Republicans For The Rule Of Law

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/who-funds-republicans-for-the-rule-of-law/

Who Funds Republicans For The Rule Of Law

Do Republicans Value Democracy Or The Rule Of Law The Answer Is Clear But There’s Still Time To Fight Back

Critics accuse Trump of abusing the law as he grants clemency to former advisor Roger Stone

Newt Gingrich; John Roberts; Donald Trump

Even before the latest Supreme Court decisions approving hyper-partisan gerrymandering and effectively;allowing;the addition of a citizenship question to the census, experts have wondered aloud whether Republicans remain committed to democracy. Toward the end of a recent plenary;panel;on Supreme Court reform at the American Constitution Societys national convention, University of Chicago law professor Aziz Huq suggested, We dont really know how committed the Republican Party is to the project of democracy.

If the GOP still values the rule of law, then perhaps the danger to democracy will recede after President Trump leaves office. But if the GOP no longer cares about democracy, then our political system could be in peril. Democracy probably cannot survive, after all, if one of our two major political parties is indifferent to its fate.

Unfortunately, the answer to Huqs question is clear. The Republican Party is not at all committed to democracy, and GOP leaders and voters would happily tolerate alternative political arrangements. That is a worrisome claim, to be sure, but the evidence is indisputable. Republicans have abandoned any concerns they may have had for the integrity of our political system.

Thanks to gerrymandering, dark money and voter suppression, it will remain very difficult for Democrats to capture the levers of power. They will require wave elections to do so;

Exclusive: Former Wwe Execs Introduce A New Fund

George Barrios and Michelle Wilson the former co-presidents of World Wrestling Entertainment who abruptly left the company a year ago are announcing their next project today: Isos Capital Management, an investment firm focused on media, entertainment and sports.

The idea was hatched in the summer. Mr. Barrios and Ms. Wilson are veterans of the sports and entertainment business, including more than a decade at WWE. We feel really proud of everything that was accomplished during our tenure, so were excited about the next chapter with Isos, Ms. Wilson told DealBook. After WWE, they both considered several opportunities including C.E.O. roles but decided instead to continue working together.

An industry in flux. The new fund will target companies at all stages of development, in industries that are undergoing rapid technological shifts. There are spaces whether its video gaming, e-sports, sports betting that will drive fan engagement, and that digital transformation will really become the vehicle to make that happen, Ms. Wilson said.

As money has poured into the space and deal making has picked up, the funds founders believe their experience and contacts set them apart at WWE, for example, they led the companys aggressive international push. Capital is important, but its fungible, Mr. Barrios said. What Michelle and I bring is expertise, credibility and a global network.

Theyve Been Jabbing At Mike Lee & Praising Maryland Governor Larry Hogan On Social Media

The women of Utah have questions for Senator Lee, including: Do you mean you already fully understood his utter disregard for the rule of law, and just dont care?

Republicans for the Rule of Law

Republicans for the Rule of Law recently reposted a letter to the editor that appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune, slamming Utah Senator Mike Lee. The letter, written by the Utah chapter of Mormon Women for Ethical Government, asked Lee why he continues to stand by the president. The letter reads:

When you state that nothing in this report changes your view of this president, do you mean that you already fully understood that President Trump was doing whatever he could to obstruct justice and was saved only because his staff refused to follow his orders? Do you mean that you support the president despite this unethical and self-serving behavior?

Republicans for the Rule of Law has also been showering praise on Maryland governor Larry Hogan. Hogan is the son of the late Maryland representative Lawrence Hogan, who was the only Republican representative to vote for all three articles of impeachment against Nixon. More recently, Larry Hogan made headlines when he called the Mueller Report disturbing and said it didnt exonerate the president.

Don’t Miss: Who Are The Two Republicans Running Against Trump

Corporate America Rethinks Political Donations

Big businesses often donate to both political parties and say that their support is tied to narrow issues of specific interest to their industries. That became increasingly fraught last week, after a pro-Trump mob stormed the Capitol and some Republican lawmakers tried to overturn Joe Bidens win in the presidential election. A flurry of companies have since reviewed political giving via their corporate political action committees.

Some big banks are pausing all political donations:

Goldman Sachs is freezing donations through its PAC and will conduct a thorough assessment of how people acted during this period, a spokesman, Jake Siewert, told DealBook.

JPMorgan Chase is halting donations through its PAC for six months. There will be plenty of time for campaigning later, said Peter Scher, the banks head of corporate responsibility.

Citigroup is putting all campaign contributions on hold for a quarter. We want you to be assured that we will not support candidates who do not respect the rule of law, Candi Wolff, the banks head of government affairs, wrote in an internal memo.

Some companies are pausing donations to specific politicians:

Heres what we heard from some of the big corporate donors to the group:

Jay Timmons Makes A Statement

Amid the flurry of corporate condemnations of last weeks violence at the Capitol, one stood out. In its statement, the National Association of Manufacturers called out President Trump directly and urged Vice President Mike Pence to consider removing him to preserve democracy. The Timess Jim Tankersley, Peter Eavis and DealBooks Lauren Hirsch got the back story of the unexpectedly severe statement, perhaps the starkest sign of corporate Americas break with the Trump administration.

Once a reliable conservative ally, the trade group has hosted Mr. Trump at annual meetings, worked closely with his administration on deregulation and tax cuts, and gave Ivanka Trump an award last year. N.A.M.s president, Jay Timmons, has long ties to the Republican Party, and previously served as chief of staff to Senator George Allen of Virginia.

What changed? Quite likely, the reason that the group was able to speak out so forcefully last week was that Mr. Timmons did not poll the boards membership before issuing the statement . When The Times reached out to the companys board members, most referred to their own vaguelywordedstatements condemning the violence. Few would comment on N.A.M.s call for the removal of Mr. Trump.

Also Check: Are Republicans More Racist Than Democrats

Their Legal Adviser Is The Son Of The 1940 Republican Nominee For President

Republicans for the Rule of Law has a legal advisory board of seven legal advisers. One of those seven advisers is Wendell Wilkie II, who is an adjunct fellow at the American Enterprise Institute and an adjunct professor at NYU. Willkies father, Wendell Willkie, was the 1940 Republican nominee for president. Willkie initially ran on an anti-isolationist platform, although his positions evolved during the campaign. He was beaten handily by Franklin D Roosevelt.

The Group Is Part Of A Larger Conservative Ngo That Calls For Increasing Legal Immigration & Expanding Free Trade

Republicans for the Rule of Law is part of a larger organization called Defending Democracy Together. That group, a coalition of Republicans and Conservatives, says it is opposed to the nativist tendencies in the modern Republican party. The group is in favor of free trade and legal immigration. The organizations mission statement says, in part:

Today, the Republican Party finds itself entertaining some of the same unsettling nativist and authoritarian impulses that characterized Europe throughout the 20th century. These ideals are antithetical to what it means to be a Republican, and what it means to be American.

Defending Democracy Together is a 501c4 advocacy organization created by lifelong conservatives and Republicans many of whom have served in Republican administrations and write for conservative publications. We are dedicated to defending Americas democratic norms, values, and institutions and fighting for consistent conservative principles like rule of law, free trade, and expanding legal immigration.

Recommended Reading: Why Are Republicans Trying To Repeal Obamacare

The Rldf Opposed Epa Regulations

The RLDFs Opposed New EPA Regulations That Limited Emissions Of New Power Facilities. According to a web post from the Rule of Law Defense Fund, On May 9, sixteen Republican Attorneys General fought back against the EPAs proposed rule to restrict the emissions of new power facilities under Section 111 of the Clean Air Act and, thereby, reducing the diversity of potential power sources. Authored by Republican Attorneys General Patrick Morrisey and Jon Bruning , the letter asserts, States have a unique role in facilitating and ensuring affordable and reliable electric service while encouraging robust economic policy and responsible environmental protection. The current proposal upsets this careful balance by preventing the States from utilizing vital resources to supply the future energy needs of their citizens.

The RLDF Posted A Letter From Oklahoma Attorney General Scott Pruitt In Opposition To The EPA Investigating Frackings Impact On Water Sources. According to a web post from the Rule of Law Defense Fund, Oklahoma Attorney General Scott Pruitt, in a letter joined by 10 Republican Attorneys General, responded on May 15 to a memo from the EPAs Office of Inspector General announcing its intent to study the states ability to manage potential threats to water resources from hydraulic fracturing.

Gao Rules Biden Freeze On Border Wall Funds Legal

Wisconsin Republicans push plans for federal funds, but many may not follow federal rules

The Government Accountability Office on Tuesday ruled that President BidenJoe BidenSpotlight turns to GOP’s McCarthy in Jan. 6 probeBiden visits union hall to mark Labor DayBiden approves disaster funds for NJ, NY after Ida floodingMOREs move to freeze border wall funds did not violate budgetary law, angering Republicans.

It is clear that delays in the obligation and expenditure of Department of Homeland Security appropriations for border fencing or barriers are programmatic delays, not impoundments and do not violate the ICA, Shirley Jones, managing associate general counsel for appropriations law at GAO, said in a statement.

Budgetary law requires the executive branch to spend the funds that Congress appropriates, and sets limits on what administrations can do to impound, or avoid spending required sums.

In its decision, the GAO said that delays for environmental reviews and consultations with stakeholders, which are required by law, were appropriate, and did not constitute an illegal impoundment.

Delays in the obligation and expenditure of funds in these circumstances are programmatic delays, not impoundments, Jones said.

Donald TrumpSpotlight turns to GOP’s McCarthy in Jan. 6 probeFewer than 50 percent of West Virginians think 2020 election was legitimate: pollMORE diverted from military construction projects to the wall using emergency powers, a move that faced a slew of legal challenges.

Recommended Reading: How Many Republicans Are In The United States

Republican Voters Against Trump

The advertisements feature Republican voters stating reasons why they are not voting for Trump. According to Sarah Longwell, the executive director of Defending Democracy Together, the advertisements will target voters in Michigan, Pennsylvania, Florida, Wisconsin, North Carolina, and Arizona. Bill Kristol, the former editor of the Weekly Standard and Never Trump commentator, and Tim Miller, a previous adviser to Jeb Bushs 2016 presidential campaign, are involved in the Republican Voters Against Trump initiative.

What Is Your Opinion

Why might it be important for the rule of law to protect those who express ideas that the majority may find offensive

Should symbolic speech receive the same First Amendment protections as other forms of speech?

Are there times when the government should be able to limit speech? If so, under what circumstances and why?

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Republicans For The Rule Of Law Is Financed By A Democrat

Just hours after Jeff Sessions resigned as attorney general last Wednesday at the presidents behest, #TheResistance found its newest target for destruction: Sessions interim replacement, Matthew Whitaker….NeverTrump conservatives are aiding Schiff and the media in their campaign to paralyze if not remove Whitaker. Commercials attacking the acting attorney general were aired on several Sunday morning political shows. The ads were sponsored by Republicans for the Rule of Law, a group founded earlier this year by Bill Kristol, the editor-at-large of The Weekly Standard. The groups primary role so far appears to be pimping for the Mueller probe, a political witch-hunt that Kristol and his fellow NeverTrumpers pray will lead to the impeachment and removal of the president. The Left and their NeverTrump footsoldiers fear Whitaker will thwart the special counsels investigation instead of rubber stamping Muellers ever-expanding investigation as Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein has done over the past 18 months.

A Viral Ad Released By The Group Says Republican Silence On The Mueller Report Is Deafening

Republicans, your silence is deafening. Stand up for the rule of law.

Republicans for the Rule of Law

A new ad from the Republicans for the Rule of Law has been going viral on social media; you can see it above. Many people are retweeting it and adding instructions to listen with your sound turned all the way up, because this video is supposed to be all about silence. The spot, shot in black and white, features close-ups of Republican Ben senators Sasse, Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, John Kennedy, Tim Scott. Theyre all looking straight ahead and saying nothing. You can hear a bit of static and the faint sound of a ticking clock.

A caption at the end reads, Republicans: Your silence is deafening. Our president attempted to obstruct justice. Stand up for the rule of law.

Read Also: What Other Republicans Are Running For President

Rldf Listed As A Participant Of Rally That Led To January 6 2021 Storming Of Us Capitol

RLDF was one of many conservative groups listed as participants in the “March to Save America”, a rally on January 6, 2021, the day the Congress was scheduled to count Joe Biden‘s electoral college votes, confirming him as the president-elect.

RLDF also sent out a robocall describing the location and time of the protest. One call obtained by Documented said, “Im calling for the Rule of Law Defense Fund with an important message. The march to save America is tomorrow in Washington D.C. at the Ellipse in Presidents Park between E St. and Constitution Avenue on the south side of the White House, with doors opening at 7:00 a.m. At 1:00 p.m., we will march to the Capitol building and call on congress to stop the steal. We are hoping patriots like you will join us to continue to fight to protect the integrity of our elections. For more information, visit MarchtoSaveAmerica.com. This call is paid for and authorized by the Rule of Law Defense Fund, 202-796-5838.”

They Recently Posted An Embarrassing Video Of Lindsey Graham From The Clinton Era

Sen. Graham says President Clinton should be removed from office for obstructing justice in 1999: “He is the Chief Law Enforcement Officer of the land. He encouraged people to lie for him. He lied. I think he obstructed justice.”

Republicans for the Rule of Law

On April 22, Republicans for the Rule of Law posted a video of Lindsey Graham talking about presidential misconduct. You can see that video above. The video shows Graham saying:

This is about a person out of control. He took the law, turned it upside down. Every time there was a crossroads, he put his personal and legal interest ahead of the nation. He is the Chief Law Enforcement Officer of the land. He encouraged people to lie for him. He lied. I think he obstructed justice. I think theres a convincing and compelling case that he has in fact engaged in conduct that it would be better for him to leave office than to stay in office.

of course, this clip is taken from a 1999 interview Graham gave to C-Span, and the president hes talking about is Bill Clinton, not Donald Trump. But some people take the video as a sign of Republican double standards and are saying that the clip is embarrassing for Lindsey Graham, who pushed hard for Bill Clinton to leave office but has supported President Trump.

Don’t Miss: Where Are Republicans On The Political Spectrum

Texas Abortion Law A Radical Expansion Of Who Can Sue Whom And An About

Senate Bill 8, which allows anyone to sue anyone who performs or aids in an abortion, marks an unprecedented change to who has standing to bring a lawsuit. The tactic is also an emerging trend in Republican-dominated states that may compromise constitutional rights, some legal experts said.

, our daily newsletter that keeps readers up to speed on the most essential Texas news.

Republican lawmakers move to ban nearly all abortions in Texas was accomplished through a huge, unprecedented expansion of who can bring a lawsuit against someone else: Under the law, anyone can sue anyone who performs, aids or intends to aid in an abortion regardless of whether they have a personal stake in the abortion performed.

Its wide open, said David Coale, an appellate lawyer in Texas. That is a radical expansion of the concept of standing.

The expansion has far-reaching legal implications, legal experts say, by challenging the very notion of what a court is for and emboldening civilians to enforce law, a duty traditionally left to the government. Its also a reversal by Texas Republicans on tort law, in which they have typically sought to limit the ability to sue, not expand it.

Legal experts also told The Texas Tribune that the measure is part of an emerging trend in Republican-dominated governments that find it difficult to constitutionally prohibit cultural grievances. Instead, they empower civilians to sue for civil remedies.

[gaymafia]

I’m legitimately curious why people didn’t like the last Jedi? I saw it and thought it was okay? Is there something I missed or? Like it wasn’t great but it was passable?

ok so i wasnt gonna do this here bc nobody fucking asked but u asked so thank u but also strap in ur ready for a while ride

TLJ spoilers, obviously. also my issues are going to be numbered in no particular order bc my thoughts on this movie are so fucking scrambled but here we go

1. Kyle Ron. First of all fuck Ryeanne for making me see so many goddamn closeups of Adam Driver’s ugly ass face. I did not need to see all that he is so goddamn ugly especially that fucking shirtless scene where he looks like a block of pasty ass pale wood.

But for real, Kylo Ren. I don’t actually take issue with his existence, because Kyle really does excellently represent rich ass white boys who have everything handed to them but throw a hissy fit when they face the slightest adversity an throw tantrums all the time. It’s nice to see a villain that represents most people real-life nightmares instead of like, a Sexy Temptress or Old Evil Man or whatever. That being said, kyle is not given the villain’s treatment in this movie. if you cut out all the scenes where ryan is not actively sucking adam driver’s dick and jizzing all over himself over kyle’s angsty white boy angst, the movie has virtually no real plot (”oh no we are in space with no fuel, nobody is going to do anything except get mad at each other, miscommunicate, and deliberately make all the characters of color worthless while separating Finn and Poe bc fuck the gays”). So much of the movie is spent not just establishing how kyle became kyle (which is good! backstory for villains is good!), but trying to get us to like, sympathize with him? which is the shitty part. I dont care that Luke “”””tried to kill”’’’ (he didn’t) kyle. kyle had turned to the dark side before luke’s mistake. kyle had a million and one chances to change his mind from the start of TFA to the end of TLJ, and he never did. Kyle is an evil guy. We need one of those. He’s a great evil guy bc he’s got so many shitty qualities. But ryin doesnt want us to hate kyle, even tho hes the villain. why the fuck doesnt reean want us to hate kyle? bc rayan is also a shitty little man who thinks giving ur white boy a sob story makes him a sympathetic villain and sidelining ur characters of color will help.

also again the fucking shirtless scene what the shit man that was so gross

2. Will be broken down into A, B, C, etc. bc TLJ treats its characters of color like SHIT. 

2A. Finn. Finn gets put in a coma bc why would anyone want to write anything interesting for john boyega its not like hes the MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN and the MOST TALENTED ACTOR who is being sidelined bc ryun hates black people. Yeah Finn is totally into Rey and he wants to save her and is willing to desert the rebellion for her. that happened in the first movie but why give your characters real arcs when you can recycle old ones to jerk off to kyle ron. the rose thing happens, shes like “we can disable the tracking” and like TWO SECONDS after he was dead set on desertion he’s totally down to risk his life for the rebellion at rey’s expense? that sure is a quick 180 with no real reason why and no writing to explain it! then there was the whole “separate finn and poe” thing ryain pulled for the shits and giggles.

2B. Rose. I was pretty chill with Rose, she had a dope backstory, her sister was badass, and I liked that they made that connection off the bat. I’m not mad about anything rayn did with her character but i genuinely believe thats only because i havent thought about it enough yet. give me a week and i’ll figure out how rain fucked it up. open to suggestions.

2C. Poe. Full offense but was I supposed to be mad at Poe for coming up with a plan when that bitch Holdo was like “I’m not gonna tell you my plan sit tight and be convinced we are all going to die :)” i legitimately did not understand how I was supposed to be mad at poe for doing what he thought was best for the rebellion after he asked holdo what the plan was and she was deliberately obstinate and refused to even be like “dont worry i have a plan” she was just like. so dumb. Also poe got thrown around a lot and i am A Little Suspicious of how much physical violence he experienced compared to many other characters.

2D. You guessed what was next! The slaps! Super awesome how the two men of color were slapped by white people!!!! So deep!!!!!!! For real tho uh the second time i saw this movie someone in the audience laughed when poe got slapped by space hitler hux and uh??? not funny. not funny or cute or clever to use the guy you built your entire nazi imagery on to slap the one black man on your cast. i dont care if it was supposed to make us “hate hux” or whatever more. i already hated hux reyn. you could have used that screentime in your 3 fucking hour long movie for something valuable, like giving finn a character arc, or literally anything else besides that goddamn slap. i was livid watching that.

and then with leia and poe? i get that part of the conflict was internal in the resistance and one of the major themes was how failure is the best teacher and all that but like? maybe stop physically assaulting all your characters of color? maybe uhhhh at least think about that first??

2E. like i mentioned before one of the obvious themes was how failure is the best teacher so naturally all the major characters had to fail at something, and then learn from their mistake to be better next time. with luke it was fucking up with kyle, with rey it was being naive enough to think kyle could turn, with poe it was the dreadnaught thing, finn was left out of this because raan dooesn give a shit abt finn bc hes a racist bastard, etc. but it was incredibly transparent how all of the white characters’ mistakes meant either personal losses or something small scale with one person, while the mistakes of the characters of color (poe/finn/rose) were all ones that cost the rebellion the vast majority of their forces. rey got out of her fight with kyle and snoke unscathed. luke got a lot of guilt and character development. What did finn poe and rose get? the deaths of like 99% of the resistance on their shoulders. A little too coincidental that even though rey LITERALLY GAVE HERSELF OVER TO SNOKE she was totally fine a-ok no real scars, finn and poe and rose doing their best to save the rebellion while admiral holdo refuses to tell them anything costs the resistance so fucking much. rey does the DUMBEST FUCKING THING with no real consequences and finn and poe and rose try their best and are punished severely for it.

2F. Really convenient how everything finn, poe, and rose did ended up being useless and just cost the rebellion lives, whereas at least rey’s mishap got snoke killed and taught her a lesson. reeeeaaaalllllyyyyyy convenient how finn, poe, and rose’s plan was a huge waste of time. it would have been much better for us to see an actual plot line with them that contributed to the story and their characterizations instead of “send them on a goose chase, make it pointless in the end, physically brutalize them along the way.

3. R*yl* bullSHIT: ryyn had a really fun time with a lot of very rape-y scenes in this movie. the whole force-connection thing with kyle and rey was soooooo uncalled for, it reeked of non-con fantasies, catered to the r*yl*s like nothing ever before, and was so goddamn gross. the obvious invasion of privacy and lack of consent was nasty, using it as a shitty device to make rey “come around” on kyle was NASTY and that whole thing was nasty. i know im not articulating this well but there was so much about that whole thing that bothered me. i just know reyhan was so fucking into it, inserting kyle into rey’s life, forcing her to completely drop all of her characterization in the first movie to suddenly thing kyle can be good, acting as if rey hasnt seen all the shit and known what hes done. the whole thing was gross and a really obvious example of why men shouldn’t be allowed to direct movies.

4. killing snoke was a dumbass fucking mistake. kyle is a tantrum-throwing temper-losing toddler. snoke was evil and mysterious and shit idk. we knew he was powerful as fuck, he looked like a testicle which is a great villain imo, he was the darth sidious and they killed him off while kyle is still in like. ep2!Anakin levels of angst. i get that kyle is already powerful or whatever but like. hes not cold and calculated the way snoke was. kyle is a good villain, but a weak main baddie bc hes dumb as fuck. he let the rebellion get away bc he was pissed at luke. that was dumb as fuck. kyle is ruined by his emotions, and snoke was a scarier main baddie bc he wasnt so fucking dumb lol

5. it was so fucking long. there were so many scenes that could have been cut or shortened. why did we need to see luke milking the tiddy of that weird alien cow thing. why did we need to see kyle ron shirtless. why did we need so many goddamn shots of the fucking porgs.

6. ya the porgs are cute or whatever but like. that whole “look at how sad the cute big-eyes porg is when chewie is eating his friend” thing was so dumb. i dunno why but i hated that the most. that was the worst thing the porgs did. they were cute but like chill disney u know they like ran algorithm after algorithm to make that porg the cutest it could be with science or some bullshit and like? thats dumb.

7. i get that the humor in star wars movies is shifting but i felt like there was too much of it and it was dumb. a lot of the riffs werent funny and there were too many of them for a star wars film. star wars usually doesnt take itself too seriously, but this one was a little too much for me.

8. there were too many plot twists for shock value. the story went on too long. it should have ended earlier but it didnt. i dont know why ryenn decided to have like 6 different climaxes but it was too much. should have let there be one climax buddy. thats it.

9. holdo. besides holdo being the white feminist icon why didnt she just fucking tell poe the plan. why. why was so deliberately obstinate when it was doing no good. like yeah of course poe sent out a crew to try to save the rebellion all u told him to shut up and let you handle it! obvously what she did in the end was badass or whatever but like uh hun next time dont be a piece of shit and then get mad when people react to you being a piece of shit. i would have been okay with all that happening if holdo wasnt treated like some hero who never made any mistakes. she did make a mistake, and that was refusing to tell poe what her plan was when she knew he was absolutely the type to do whatever he could to save the rebellion whether he had her permission or not. also apparently holdo is a lesbian or bi or not straight or something in like the comics or whatever and like 1. classic bury ur gays but also 2. no more word of god gay characters if a character is not gay in the movies i will not give you the gay cred for it sorry homophobes

10. i didnt buy the story w luke and kyle at lukes jedi training facility or whatever. surprisingly, i was ok with lukes story line and character development, and actually agreed with it for the most part, but i just like. i dunno i didnt feel like that was something luke would do. not because luke is infallible (even tho he is my gay dad who has never done anything wrong ever) but because the entire original trilogy is luke believing darth vader could be saved. and while im not opposed to luke changing his mind about whether or not everyone could be turned away from the dark side (luke was young and optimistic in the original trilogy, and as he grew older he would learn more about the jedi and their history like the whole speech he gave rey about how the jedi have to end bc theyre lowkey shitty). i actually kind of liked luke’s hot take on the jedi, because it was lowkey my hot take on the jedi (esp the prequels jedi who were shitty as Fuuuuuck but we are ignoring the prequels for now lbr) but also because i could believe it was a view luke would come to as he aged. but impulsively drawing his lightsaber to kill kyle before he had actually done anything bad, after suspecting that kyle had darkness in him for a while, even though he felt like he had failed? it just didnt feel like luke to me. i felt more like raeyn had chosen that particular backstory to try to make kyle a more sympathetic villain rather than give a believable and in-character back story for the characters. i understand that luke’s failure ultimately has to lead to the creation of kyle ron in this story line, but that didnt feel like the right failure to me. maybe this is just me being nitpicky but that felt off to me too and i dont know if i can quite pinpoint why.

11. rey was a dumbass fucking bitch in this movie. rey could not be a dumbass fucking bitch to survive as a scavenger who was orphaned at birth on jakku. rey would have had to be smart and not as fucking DUMB as she was in this movie. now im getting heated so i cant articulate this well but she just did so many dumb things that anybody who had to raise themselves would have never done. she would never have delivered herself over to kyle ron like what a dumb fucking idea. who wrote this goddamn movie. fuck u ryeen.

12. why did yoda come back as a force ghost. where is anakins force ghost. he would be so fucking pissed at kyle right now. he would be mad as hell. he would have ended this thing. he would have called kyle out like the shitdickbitch he is and put him in his place. i get that yoda is more like ancient and orginal star wars jedi knowledge shit or whatever and like more of an authority on the jedi but like anakin is off in like force ghost hawaii drinking force ghost martinis while his shitty fucking grandson is being a piece of shit?? nah man anakin would have shut that shit down they better bring him back for ep IX and i expect hayden christensen himself to show up to bitch at kyle about what a fucking dumbass he is.

tbh theres probably more like i know there’s a ton of little things i hated but as scathing as this review is there were things i liked. visually speaking it was a very beautiful movie when we werent getting atrocious close ups of adam drivers ugly ass face. i originally hated but have come to appreciate the darker tone, since it mirrors the mood of TESB in that the rebellion seems dead but obviously isnt bc this is star wars. i liked luke. i dunno. i had a lot of issues with the movie obviously. to be quite honest i cant actually think of anything else i liked atm which is telling.

anyway if anybody actually reads this long ass fucking post feel free to respond with what you hated abt TLJ

[missjackil]

My 13x11 Opinion

Breakdown Wow! REALLY  good episode, and we really needed it after that train wreck last week!  When we start an episode with sleepy Sam in night clothes, you alwys have my attention, but when he cant sleep, I know my heart is gonna hurt ... and it did. I love that Dean made him breakfast, I didnt love how sad he looked when he didnt answer him. Then my boy probably finally dozes off and his phone rings... isnt that always the way? Before I go on about depressed!sam Ill talk about the episode. That was such a creepy premiss. Selling body parts on the dark web, which I kinda think actually happens, and now I wonder if its for monsters? Naaahhh ;)  Donna did a gret job, it ws good to see her not being goofy. I was impressed with the interrogation, and the pastor was plenty creepy himself. Kudos on Sam for not digging his racist comments! However, I was getting a vibe that Doug didnt know Dean, but they did already meet. I cant recall if they established that they met already?  Okay so Doug gets vamped and Sam gets strapped to the bed. Im not gonna pretend I dont like when Sam is tied up, but its done a little too often. This time was a good choice though. I loved the auctioning off of his body parts!! WHERE IS MY CHECKBOOK???!!! But woah!! The panning away of the camera and the gun shot.... ugggggghhhh!!! But yay!! Dean saved Sam and thats always a good thing.  So Donna saves the neice and shoots the masked dude... is it me or did they never say who that was? It wasnt FBI guy, he was selling Sam, it wasnt the vamp kid, so who was it?  Now Doug gets cured, but now he wants nothng to do with Donna. That was pretty sad. But it brings us to Sam. I always hear people complain that Sam never (or very rarely) gets to have a friend, his own friend, not just a residual friend of Deans, but I always say that I think its part of Sam’s character to keep people at arms length, because he doesnt want them to get hurt. He said it himself to Adam in S4, it just hasnt really been repeated since then till now.  It hurts when Sam loses hope, but it was refreshing that he spoke and let us, and Dean into his head space. And Dean was a little gruff but not bad. He had some real empathy in his voice when he acknowledged Sam was there for him, and now he’s here for Sam. My headcanon is that when they got home, he just laid down with Sam and hugged him all night.... you cant convince me otherwise! It might be mentioned again next week but most likely Sam will be feeling better. It looks like a light episode. But its good to know Sam has his limits and sometimes he just cant ignore the pain.  Overall Im happy with this episode and this season so far. Only episode yet that I didnt like was WS and 11 episodes in and only 1 that sucked?? Might be my favorite season yet! On a scale of Bloodlines to Who We Are I give this one a very strong 8.5 and Ill bump it up to a 9 if someone can tell me who the masked dude was who did most of the killing!

[allofbeercom]

‘Call me a racist, but don’t say I’m a Buddhist’: America’s alt right

They present themselves as modern thinkers of extremism. But the US far right, discovers Sanjiv Bhattacharya, have the same white supremacist obsessions

Every few weeks, William Johnson, the chairman of the white nationalist American Freedom Party (AFP), holds a lunch for members, the goal being to make America a white ethnostate, a project that begins with electing Donald Trump. This week, its at a grand old French restaurant called Taix, in Echo Park, Los Angeles an odd choice on the face of it. Echo Park is a trendy hood. Its hipster and heavily Hispanic. In fact, given the predominance of Latino kitchen staff in this city, it may be wise to hold off on the Trump talk until the food arrives.

About three months ago, Johnson begins, I was talking to Richard Spencer about how we need to plan for a Trump victory. Spencer is another prominent white nationalist he heads the generic-sounding National Policy Institute. I said: I want Jared Taylor [of American Renaissance] as UN Ambassador, and Kevin MacDonald [an evolutionary psychologist] as secretary of health and Ann Coulter as homeland security! And Spencer said: Oh Johnson, thats a pipe dream! But today, hed no longer say that, because if Trump wins, all the establishment Republicans, theyre gone They hate him! So whos left? If we can lobby, we can put our people in there.

Around the table five young men, roughly half Johnsons age (hes 61), nod and lean in. They all wear suits and ties, address the waiter as sir and identify as the alt right, the much-discussed nouvelle vague of racism. Are you guys familiar with the Plum Book? Johnson asks. Its plum because of the colour, but also because of the plum positions there are 20,000 jobs in that book that are open to a new administration.

So we need to identify our top people! says Eric, one of the men at the table.

Just anyone with a college degree! Johnson says.

Right. Eric is practically bouncing in his seat with excitement. We need to get the word out. We are the new GOP!

A whiter future: pro- and anti-Trump supporters clash outside Trump Towers in New York. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

Its not every day that a brown journalist gets to sit in on a white-nationalist strategy meeting. But these are strange times. Racism is trending. Like Brexit, Trump has normalised views that were once beyond the pale, and groups like the AFP have grown bold. Their mans stubby orange fingers are within reach of actual power, so maybe its time to emerge from the shadows at last.

I first met Johnson in May after he signed up as a Trump delegate before being swiftly struck off by the campaign when the press found out. Hes a surprising figure. An avid environmentalist, fluent in Japanese and, in person, not the bitter old racist Id expected but rather a jolly Mormon grandfather, bright eyed and chuckling, a Wind in the Willows character. Eric is even more unexpected. Tall and impassioned, he came to racism via hypnotherapy, of all things. He sells solar panels for a living and practises yoga. Together with his friends Matt and Nathan, who are also here at lunch, he runs an alt-right fraternity in Manhattan Beach a beer and barbecues thing. Theyre called the Beach Goys. Were starting a parody band, he beams. Weve found a drummer!

Between them they represent two poles of a racist spectrum, young and old. And judging from this lunch, its the millennials who are the more extreme. Johnson wants white nationalists to appear less mean and he finds the JQ, the Jewish Question, archaic. But Eric loves the meanness of the alt right. Were the troll army! he says. Were here to win. Were savage! And antisemitism is non-negotiable. In fact, hed like to clear up a misnomer about the alt right, propagated by the Breitbart columnist Milo Yiannopoulos, who is often described, mistakenly, as the movements leader. Milo casts the alt right as principally a trolling enterprise, dedicated to attacking liberal shibboleths for the lulz theres precious little actual bigotry. But Eric insists otherwise. Yes, they like to joke, they have memes, theyre just as funny as liberals have I heard of their satirical news podcasts, the Daily Shoah and Fash the Nation? But make no mistake, the racism is real. Eric especially enjoys The Daily Stormer, a leading alt-right news site, which is unashamedly pro-Hitler.

What unites Johnson and Eric is what they describe as the systematic browbeating of the white male namely all this talk of privilege, the Confederate flag, Black Lives Matter and mansplaining. But beyond that, its the looming extinction of the white race. This is the language they use. Also: Diversity equals white genocide. The alt right loves to evoke genocide while harbouring Holocaust deniers. Their point is that white people are melting away like the icecaps, and they have a primal drive to stop it. In 2044, non-Hispanic whites will drop below 50% of the US population. The generation of the white minority has already been born, Eric says. Look at South Africa and Rhodesia. Thats where were headed. Total disenfranchisement.

Mexican activists on the campaign trail. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

I want to reassure him that his Brown Rulers will be gentle and that slavery isnt so bad when you get used to it. But its not me they want to hear from, its white people. This is the white nationalists burden the very people theyre trying to save are the ones who most fiercely oppose them. The only group I cannot get along with is white people, says Johnson. Because white people hate white people who like white people.

A couple of days later, Johnson is at his cluttered desk in downtown LA, nattering merrily in Japanese to a woman in Tokyo. He gets lots of media requests these days, but especially from Japan. Theres an uncanny connection between Japan and white nationalism in America. Jared Taylor, white nationalisms foremost intellectual, is another fluent speaker. Its an ethnostate and its deeply nationalist, he says. And they have resisted the pressure to admit refugees. I say: God bless them!

For his part, Johnsons racism was shaped in Japan. He grew up in Eugene, Oregon, a state founded as a white utopia, in a modest Mormon home, back before the LDS church gave black people the priesthood in 1978. But it was his two-year mission to Tohoku, Japan, that turned him. As he went from door to door, locals would opine on the greatness of white America. They had an inferiority complex after the war, so we were treated like celebrities, he says. Oh, it was just the funnest time! A few years later, while working in Japan as an attorney, he wrote a book advocating the repatriation of all non-whites with appropriate reparations, because I thought America was going to collapse unless I did something. When he returned to LA, he sent a copy to every congressman. He was 32.

Clearly things didnt work out as planned. His forays into politics floundered and then his offices were bombed. So he retreated from activism for nearly 15 years, only returning in 2009 to form the AFP just in time for the rise of the alt right.

We head to his 67-acre ranch near Pasadena, a hilly lot backing on to a national forest. I asked to meet his family, but his wife refused, so we tour the farm instead his persimmon orchard, his horses and ducks. And there on his pick-up truck is a stencil of Jimi Hendrix. My daughter likes to paint, he says proudly. None of his five children are white nationalists, though they have promised to marry within the race.

Youre a white supremacist with a black artist painted on your truck, I tell him. And he flinches. Thats the meanest, most hurtful swearword there is. Just because I say different races have different strengths doesnt mean I think Im superior. He doesnt like racist either. Its a pejorative. I prefer race realist.

But its not my reality, Bill. Im sticking with racist.

Well, OK. But people who embrace racist are mad at everybody. I get along with people. You cannot function in Los Angeles without encountering other races, so I look for areas of similarity and agreement. Its important to treat everyone with the highest respect on a micro level.

I thought America was going to collapse unless I did something: William Johnson, chairman of the American Freedom Party, at home on his ranch near Pasadena. Photograph: Barry J Holmes for the Observer

On a macro level, however, darkness falls multiculturalism is doomed, the different races will never get along, and our only hope is Balkanisation: separate territories for separate tribes. And whatever accelerates that transition is welcome, even racial strife. I dont think friction is a good thing, he says, but it would help facilitate the split that is necessary.

We stop to feed his alpacas. Theres a brown one, a black one and a white one, standing peacefully together against the chicken wire fence.

See Bill, theyre getting along.

He laughs. I wish people were like alpacas.

Im with Eric at a Mexican restaurant in Manhattan Beach where he lives, an upscale, white neighbourhood in the South Bay. He clears space on the table and grins. OK, you ready? Your first tarot card reading with the Hitler Youth!

Its been an odd afternoon. We walked along the beach and I asked about his gmail address which includes the number 1488, a potent number for white supremacists. The 14 stands for the 14 words coined by the late David Lane of the group The Order: We must secure the existence of our people and a future for white children. And the 88 refers to HH (H being eighth in the alphabet) or Heil Hitler. Eric sighed. OK, but this stuffs hard to talk about, he said. It depends how red-pilled you are.

Alt-righters love talking about the red pill. Its a reference to The Matrix blue-pilled people bumble through a life of illusion, while the red-pilled have seen the truth and theres no turning back. Like all conspiracy theorists they see the hidden hand that guides all things, but for the alt right that hand is Jewish. The red pill is classic antisemitism, rebooted for a younger generation. As we walked, he laid it out the banking, the media, the globalism. We passed games of beach volleyball and family picnics, while he explained why the Holocaust was exaggerated and Hitler got a bad rap.

A nation without colour: William Johnson speaking at an AFP conference in 2013.

Have you noticed that kombucha isnt as fizzy as it used to be? he asks, along the way, because Eric isnt your average Nazi. He trained as a spiritualist. He has taught meditation. He brought his tarot cards in case I wanted a reading.

Dont tell me its the Jews, I tell him. He laughs. You said it, not me!

In the late 70s, the Klansman David Duke swapped his hood and robes for a suit and tie, and took white supremacy out of the cross-burning fields and into the boardroom. Mark Potok of the Southern Poverty Law Center describes the alt right in similar terms, as Racism 2.0, a rebranding for the digital generation. Its a trendy reboot alt right makes white supremacy sound like an art collective. And Eric, the kombucha Nazi, just takes it a step further into the aisles of Whole Foods. Hes a locally sourced, wild-caught bigot high in omega-3s and antisemitism. It makes him more sinister in some ways, and more harmless in others. As Nazis go.

Hmm, Nazi. Like Johnson, hes squeamish about terms. Warriors against political correctness can be awfully sensitive. Its such a slur, he says. But come on hes a Hitler apologist. OK, fine, he says. Just dont say Im a Buddhist, because Im actually more into Norse and Celtic mysticism now.

Itll come as no surprise that someone whod rather be called a Nazi than a Buddhist has a strange story to tell. Originally from a well-off white suburb of Chicago, he moved to Las Vegas to pursue music. Then one day, in the gym of his condo building, he met a guru figure well call Frank. A spiritualist and businessman, Frank introduced Eric to New Age mysticism and Japanese Buddhism. And it was under Franks guidance that Eric moved to LA to study hypnotherapy and began a career giving readings and tarot shows at a psychic bookshop. Frank, he says, was his mentor and best friend. But then Eric took a turn. He radicalised himself. He left the New Age life, finding it too feminine, and spiralled down a sinkhole of conspiracy theory. He and Frank have been estranged ever since. Frank is black.

By the book: author Ann Coulter. Photograph: Aaron Davidson/Getty Images

Today, Eric still meditates and practises yoga. His weeks are spent like David Brent, as a travelling salesman, driving around meeting his solar energy clients. His weekends, however, are all about the Beach Goys, which now has 15 members. Last week, they went on a hike to the Murphy Ranch in the Pacific Palisades, a decrepit old property that was originally built as a refuge for Hitler after the war. Next week is their first band rehearsal. Erics going to play guitar and sing. And this is the future he wants not a plum job with the Trump administration. I dont see myself as a bureaucrat, he says. I want to take the Beach Goys national. I want to inspire people.

It could happen. Trump has unleashed something in America. Johnson wont reveal the AFPs membership numbers Maybe we want to appear bigger than we are? but Eric insists the alt right is on the march. Were growing with every hashtag, every BLM protest, every city that becomes a Detroit, or a London, he says. Were everywhere! Were the guy next to you at yoga, the barista at Starbucks… Its like Fight Club for supremacists, a deeply unsettling thought (which is why Eric loves it).

But his delight in being a secret Nazi detracts from the seriousness of it all, the white genocide stuff. Hes having too much fun. And I wonder, as we finish our beers, if it will pass for Eric, this Nazi phase. He just doesnt seem that threatening. Then he starts up about a race war, that old white-supremacist chestnut. Because behind the trolling veneer, the alt right is more traditional than alt. What Eric believes is vintage racism, the same old wine in a new ironic cask. And Tony Benns words ring as true as ever: Every generation must fight the same battles again and again.

Our civilisation is at war and we need to secure our people, Eric says. We must seize power and take control. And the idea that we can do this peacefully is probably not realistic.

We get along well enough, Eric and I, but he has the same micro/macro discrepancy as Johnson. And at a macro level, there is only despair and division. I do not advocate violence, but I will give my life for my blood and for the honour of my ancestors.

He thrums the tarot cards in his hands, his voice getting more animated. We accept the game thats being played. We accept that the lion and the gazelle are competition. But they dont have to hate each other. Thats just how we view it.

He shrugs. Its scary. The world is scary. This is not a game for children.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/call-me-a-racist-but-dont-say-im-a-buddhist-americas-alt-right/

[tumblunni]

OH MAN Why Am I Dead At Sea is SO FUCKIN GOOD

god I’m full of FEEEELS and THEORIES and GAHHHH I cant talk about ANYTHING about this game without spoiling stuff!! So I’m gonna make a spoilery ramble post woo! I havent actually finished it yet so this is spoils for like... up to the very last bit before the start of the final chapter. And I’ll try and talk about stuff in order so like, if you dont mind seeing a few spoils then you can read halfway thru i guess?? I just really wanna be able to reccommend this game and gush about characters without having to talk spoils!! GAHHH!!

ANYWAY U CAN BUY IT HERE Its really cheap and really worth it! Its even on sale right now so its £1.50 instead of £3! DOUBLE CHEAP!! But absolutely remember to backup your savefiles frequently, there’s a pathfinding glitch that can make the game unwinnable. And its a damn shame cos that nearly made me stop playing before I got to any of the good bits! Its easy to avoid once you know about it, at least.

Man, I’m so sad the gameplay has that one big glitch cos its really cool aside from that?? Its super basic and probably not everyone’s cup of tea though, this is a game that you’d only enjoy if you’re the sort of people who like when a game has like.. a codex of extra info you can collect.  There’s not as much ‘control people to affect the world’ as you’d expect, its 99% controlling people to unlock different dialogue options. All word puzzles and stuff! And the easiest way to get out of being stuck is just to methodically possess everyone you havent possessed yet, and talk to everyone and click on everything using them. I can imagine that’d be frustrating for people who like.. weren’t already doing that anyway. I Wanted to do that instantly cos I wanna find all the optional insights into everyone’s character! And some funny moments and sweetheart moments and AAAA I care about these people too much already... Oh, and its even more reason to love Paulo cos he gives you tips if you chat to him, and can even outright tell you the solution if you get really stuck. So for players who dont like being all completionist on the dialogue, he’s a very useful helper! I just wish that the ‘outright give you the solution’ option was better labelled so you dont click it by accident. Its just ‘tell me more’, I didnt know itd ruin the current puzzle for me :P

And MAAAAAN this game gets really trancey and atmospheric and I cant even really explain why?? You spend the whole game within this one small area but stuff gets opened up over time and things are revealed about seemingly innocent areas when you gain the new abilities of different people you possess. And how the player character is just this ethereal floaty flame, and how you get used to all the rules of how it works, and how neat the lil animations are. And how you start memorizing the place and all the details about everyone and getting REALLY DETERMINED to protect them GAHHH And the soundtrack is REALLY GOOD

PAULO IS MY SMALL SON PLEASE TELL ME I CAN PROTECT HIM FOREVER tiny necromancer boy aaaaaa he’s so lonely aaaaa he’s on this ship cos he has to ride it all the time on his own to get back from boarding school, his parents cant be bothered to pick him up and he’s just SO YOUNGGGG aaaa he’s like a child prodigy, he’s going to this big scary boarding school several grades above him and his parents are so distant and everyone thinks he can just handle everything because he’s smart and on top of all that he has to keep the secret that he can see ghosts, and theyre like his ONLY FRIENDS even though he only gets to talk to them for a little while before they pass on. YET HE STILL KEEPS HELPING THEM! He says all ‘oh im only summoning you for selfish reasons, I want you to save everyone else on the ship’ but he still helps you resolve your own death even when he knows it means he’ll never see you again. He has to mourn his best friend every damn time he makes one! Aside from that all he has is his teddy bear, showing just how young he really is and how much he FUCKING NEEDS GOOD PARENTS no matter how damn smart the poor kid is and AAAAA... And when you start getting clues about who you maybe are, it gets even sadder cos he’s like... “I didnt know her well but... I liked her. She helped me with my geometry homework.” God he had just ONE MOMENT of incredibly ordinary minimal friendship with this lady and then as soon as he’d got his hopes up THIS SHIT HAD TO HAPPEN! No wonder he locked his door for the entire cruise and refused to be near anyone except his new ghost friend. And gahhh he must have had his suspicions from the start about who it was that died, as soon as she didn’t come back to help with his homework. From his perspective this was just like an inevitable conclusion and he was begging you to find any other answer...

MORE SPOILERY SPOILER I was so fucking terrified when his door finally opened, and all you see inside is empty space. I mean it was a punch to the gut indeed that someone else died that we only really just met, but I’m WAY more terrified that the main sidekick for the whole game is potentially gonna die! He’s just vanished though, so I’m hoping that whether you save him or not is what determines the bad endings? So it IS possible to save him right?? SPOILER ENDDDDDDD

I’m still really confused how to feel about Xu though. I mean she’s such a huge jerk but I still cant help but feel sympathy for her?? And I feel like.. if I am supposed to hate her then its kinda annoying that the game brings up all these sympathetic concepts just to sorta discard them, they only exist to be her failed excuses for her actions. I dunno, its just sorta messed up. But it also means that if I AM supposed to agree with her actions then its messed up too?? And either way its frustrating cos she’s the only chinese character in the cast and her plot is so... gah. She’s this jerkass to everybody and she steals from the customers and then her excuse is ‘but I’m so poor and I’m a minority, how dare you yell at me for stealing’ and then she NEVER GIVES THE STUFF BACK and you never have any option to tell anyone?? And its so messed up cos like.. Anton actually IS a privilaged guy and I can see why she’d be mad that he’s in this job because he ‘wants to travel’ whereas she has to take it because she’s literally homeless. I mean if they actually discussed that then it’d be a good plot. And its a shame you cant bring up the secrets you find about Anton even when you get full possession of him, you find out he also had a meltdown and flunked out of college cos he just couldnt handle it, they could have been able to bond over that and realise they were both having misconceptions about each other’s motives for things. Like, she saw him as some guy who just chose to drop out of the education she wishes she could go back to, because he’s soooo rich and he can do whatever he wants. And he’d never considered how good he’s got it, and how other people are denied the same opportunities, and how he can use his privilage to help make the world fairer for these other people! Its just.. like.. you dont even find out that Anton IS rich until AFTER the conversation about Xu stealing his stuff, so it comes out of nowhere and feels like the game is saying privilage is a stupid concept thats not real and its being used as an excuse for her to be horrid. Either that or its on Xu’s side and its saying shoplifting is fine as long as you steal from white people?? And like.. Anton didnt do ANYTHING to make it seem like he deserved it, as far as we see. He’s never even rude to her?? He doesnt seem to do anything racist or classist. Its just like she assumes he;s that way because he’s a rich white guy but the game shows him to be Super Innocent so is it saying that everyone who ever accuses anyone of racism is always lying or.. gahhh?? It just feels like its trying to make a statement but I have no clue what it is! And this is the only time racism is ever discussed so it kinda stands out?? Also.. like.. NOBODY ever discusses the name issue?? Its really confusing, cos even her steam trading card calls her ‘Xu/Sue’. Ingame EVERYONE calls her Sue except herself and the interface. But its never drawn attention to, or explained?? So like, am I actually meant to assume that everyone is mispronouncing her name? But there’s no option to not do it! Or to bring up the subject! Anyway I just CANNOT stop feeling sympathy for her every time I see the damn wrong name in all these text boxes. Even if she’s an abrasive asshole half the time she feels like she has some sense of morality deep down, and that she’s been pushed to this extent by a terrible life rather than just choosing to become this sort of person. She’s just kinda like the ‘token evil good guy’ on the team. Even though she’s committing petty crimes it pales in comparison to the bigger horror that’s going on here :P

MAN it felt so damn good to finally get the reveal on Donavan and play as him for the first time! I mean whoa what a good climactic moment! What an uplifting! And what a downlifting when it gets cut short by tragedy, lol I TOTALLY KNEW IT that he was a cop! I mean seriously he was such a clear red herring, he was being pushed so heavily as the killer and we never got to know anything actually about him. And when you read his mind the ‘I WILL FIND YOU. I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU.’ struck me as something that could easily have a double meaning if he was a detective looking for the real killer! It was just SO BADASS when you finally get to control him and you have the power to enter every room and find clues that were locked off for ages! And it feels like you’re finally making progress so it was such a great story decision that the killer gets him immediately afterwards. And how their last taunt to him is that he was NO WHERE NEAR solving the mystery! Its just a taste of power and then its all thrown away and it makes you SO FUCKING DETERMINED to finish what donovan started with your weak lil protagonist hands NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES GAHHHHH

And then finally regaining a humanoid ghost form and being able to unlock the last two people’s tragic backstories by visiting their dreams!! And gahhh it was so interesting and sad that you have to lie and pretend to be the ghost of someone else they care about, in order to get through to them and say what that person would have said if they had got the chance to be the protagonist instead of you. It was actually a genuine huge surprise to learn that Gwen wasnt remotely involved with the murder! Like, she spent the whole game being paranoid that someone is coming after her, and everyone was saying she’s JUST paranoid, and then it turns out she WAS just paranoid! But I love that the game is actually sympathetic to her paranoia and shows how it’s a legitimate mental illness. Its left more mysterious than a lot of the other backstories, but it seems that her father or uncle or someone abused her and her sister when she was a child, and her sister was killed while she escaped. And even though its over she’s been haunted by the belief he’ll find her any second now, causing her to destroy her own life through reckless decisions, jumping up and running away every time things start getting good in her life. She doesnt even know where she’s running to! And GOD I really liked how you resolve it, you dont just cure people’s mental illnesses by giving them a  motivational speech. But you help them feel like they’re able to endure it, that they’ll get better someday and that they should accept help from therapists. And NOT BLAME THEMSELVES for being sick! I just really liked the line “yes, this is a living nightmare, but if you’re awake you can change things”.

And when you do the similar dream sequence for Darryl there’s an even better climactic line! Its like, after a whole game of him blaming himself for his wife’s suicide, going over a bazillion different scenarios of how he could have prevented it, you just say... “I was sick, there was nothing you could do.” There isnt some magical REASON why she became depressed, her life with him was as happy as he could have given her. It wouldnt have just stopped if her life was perfect, she had to get treatment, its an illness. It wasnt anyone’s fault, it was just a bad stroke of chance that she never told anyone about it and never got a chance to be treated, or even to talk it through with her husband at all. Her diary is just full of her feeling guilty that she must be making it up because she loves her husband so much and it’d be like insulting him to admit she isnt happy within her own skin, when he does everything to be the best husband he can. Goddd.... its so sad that its BECAUSE THEY WERE HAPPY that she was in this position where she never sought help! Where she just shouldered it herself and hoped it would go away on its own! And god, you get to see that Darryl does indeed have antidepressants in his room, unlike her he did seek therapy and its just because of his guilt that he isnt fully accessing that help. And he’s taking these drugs instead of his proper medication, and he’s planning his own suicide at the end of the trip. And god, you get to talk him down from it and say what his wife wanted to say, and save him from meeting the same fate as her! You’re just sick, Darryl. She was sick too. Its not anyone’s fault that someone stays depressed, nothing can magically make depression go away, you have to see a doctor like with any other illness. You cant just talk it away by telling yourself that you ‘should’ be happy and youre somehow choosing to feel this way...

GODDDD I hope poor mr stubble grandpa is okay after the end of the game And I hope him and Quella stay in touch as friends! Her backstory made me cry too, goddddd She’s been diagnosed with cancer and has anywhere between three and seven months to live, because she was too poor to afford treatment until it was already too late. And she’s just so positive and okay with it?? Everyone else are the only ones crying for her.. She just wants to finish her final novel before she runs out of time, she’s crying more about not having enough inspiration for this. She just wants to be remembered, she knows she cant change her own death and this is the only thing she CAN change... I want Darryl to be her friend and help beta read her novel aaaa And dear god can everyone please be okay and stick together and GOD why can’t protagonist stay T_T I want you all to be safe when I’m gone, my friends. God I get to know them so closely yet never be able to really even talk to them, they’ll just remember me as someone they talked to only once before I died... And DEAR GOD let me rescue Paulo please!!!! everyone be safe please I don’t want to be able to hug Paulo and stay with him forever There is no way this can happen unless the worst possible thing happened I have to say goodbye okay i HAVE TO SAVE EVERYONE if all goes well I’ll never see any of you in person, okay? just let me be a shadow on this boat and pass away with no regrets knowing all of you will live a lot longer than me THIS GAME GETS ME SO EMOTIONALLLLL

[zxcerjnvxrh]

a list of my least favorite presidents, because i live to revise this list and it literally never gets old for some reason

5. James Buchanan

the love of my life, binky barnes, is named after this guy, which is a fucking tragedy

for context: 15th pres (1856-1861) pres immediately up to the american civil war

he can’t single-handedly be blamed for the war but he didnt do shit to stop it

he basically wouldnt take a stance on slavery and then was surprised when war broke out lmao

he was also probably gay, so like thats cool, but also: slavery.

4. Thomas Jefferson/John Adams

they share a spot bc i hate them both with equal intensity. they were also bffs (for a while until they hated each other??? it was weird)

3rd and 2nd pres

john adams’ level of anti-immigration is literally on par with trump

the alien and sedition acts of 1798 

thomas jefferson was a hypocritical piece of shit

im not just talking about the “all men are created equal” whilst owning literal slaves thing either

this bitch claimed to be a “strict constitutionalist” meaning he wanted to follow the constitution word for word and didnt like extra interpretations. nowhere in the constitution does it grant the president the power to buy MASSIVE grants of land without going thru congress. guess what the fuck tjeffs did

fuck manifest destiny in its entirety

also fuck thomas jeffersons stupid barbie dreamhouse in monticello

3. Andrew Johnson

this BITCH

hes the other side of the fuckhat president lincoln sandwich (by which i mean hes the 17th pres, following lincolns assassination) 

he basically fucked over reconstruction

for whatever reason, most textbooks fail to call him out for being the racist peice of shit he was

wow what a racist!!! even tho slavery was over by this point but he still managed to fuck over black people like it was his job!!! whoddathunkit

im also pretty sure he was crusty as fuck

i just googled him and yeah, hes ugly

2. Andrew Jackson

TRAIL OF TEARS

TRAIL OF TEARS

TRAIL OF TEARS

7th pres

racist as fuck and also literally crazy??

one time davy crockett (who like....hated him) saved his life from a would be assassin and jackson got pissed that crockett hadn’t let him beat the shit out of the guy himself

jackson routinely said “fucking fight me” to people who opposed him and won

i honestly thing beating people into a pulp with his cane was a legitmately passtime of his

like when he was brutally massacring native americans that is

2.5. Ronald Reagan

you know why

he gets the 2.5 spot bc if you had asked me 4 months ago i wouldve said hes my least favorite but then Nov 8th 2016 happened

40th pres

my family had no lineage in america in the 80s but my dad distinctly remembers watching reagan say “sanctions dont work”  about south african apartheid and the hatred he felt in his heart that day was genetically passed down to me

the fact that he let THOUSANDS of americas die from the aids crisis simply bc they were gay and him/his administration were basically like “they deserve death anyway”

ksjdhfkjhf fucKC THIS GUY

he also is the face of the evangelical right and as someone who grew up in both christian and conservative space: FUCK. THIS. GUY

ronald reagan is the reason why snakes manifest in my house

also the reason why so many gay americans lost their lives/their friends /have such a fucked up history ha ha i hope he dies twice, somehow

1. Donald Trump

listen to me: i have both serious and comedic complaints about every man on this list, but donald trump takes the cake because he’s taken a piece of every shithead from history and implemented their bullshit into his campaign/presidency in some form or fashion

donald trump would get along swimmingly with john adams. i dont trust anybody who could get along with john adams

trump is ruining my country right before my eyes and i feel fucking powerless

im sick that he will ever go down in history as an american president

i wish i could personally tell donald trump how much i hate him. i feel like he needs to know.

i like to drop hints that i hate donald trump

i hate donald trump

[stitchthebratprince-blog]

Hey momma, I hope you're doing well upstairs cause i'm not doing well down here at all. Its just been a bad day. I think doctor had a seizure last night. I got home late and your bed sheets were cover in his heavy seizure piss. I wasn't planning on being gone from home that long but i was. I ended up getting home like at mid-night and i gave himbhis pill to late. I ended up sleeping in the couch. I was going to finally try to sleep in my room but i couldn't so i slept on ths couch... that thing has never been any ones friend and the babies of course slept with me.

My mom called me today. I have been asking her for the details and information for your memorial service. I havent logged on to your facebook to tell the people there that you had passed away. There are still people i need to tell. Fuck.

So my mom called me. Well she called me yesterday but i was busy with alex and the er. Oh his foot got bigger and he was in more pain but he went to the er again and they gave him norco this time. He is doing a little better now.

Well she called me today. We talked. She finally gave me the address and the time. I asked her what time did she tell people it was going to end. I told her that 6pm was a good time. If the mass is at 11 that 6 pm was good time to end it. She wanted to negotiate. Then she said she would have rented a hall or sonething. I stopped it. I told her this isnt a fucking quince anos or some fucking birthday party. That she should have some respect for our home. It isnt hers she doesnt have rights here and then i just let lose on her. I told her what she did on Wednesday was no where remotely ok. Imagine, momma, if ok was an island in the pacific. What she did wouldn't even be in the same galactic super cluster. It probably wouldnt even be in the same universal chain quadriant. Whats a galactic cluster? Its, ok? We live in the milky way galaxy our neighbor galaxay is Andromeda so a galactic cluster is just a bunch of galaxies in a determined amount of space. Idk the scale but it looks like an mri of an active nervous system. The universal chain quadrant? The theory of the mutliverse. Multiple alternative earths? Its the way the universes branch out and how much they deviate from each other. Like the difference between an earth where the nazis win and an earth where all white people got taken out and there is universal health care and world peace and we started to explore the universe and colonized mars and shit oh and theybhave flying cars and shit? What?! World history is this in a nut shell. "White people arrived. White people fuck shit up. White people oppress native population. White people complain about the angry native population. Rinse and repeat." Now here is the trick question. Where am i talking about? India, the americas, Australia, china, the middle east, africa, the deep south of the untited states? Or better yet when am i talking about? Ok i get it you got it... its not racist if its ture momma... just sad.

What was i saying? Oh yea i told my mom off. I told her also why she even thought Jorge was then go to person to go to like he even has an opinion? Or a say in anything. I just let fly out of me. I told her it ends at 6pm. If she kept pushing the matter then it will end at 2 pm. No more negotiating no more talking. It tried to guilt me that she spent $900 of her own money on the memorial that she has limited funds because of her job. Its not the money that bothers me momma. I would pay anything to have you back i will pay anything to have your wishes come true and i told her that. That she didnt have to pay it all herself. If she had told us what she was doing and how much so we would have done it together but instead she wanted to do what she wanted to do so it falls on her. I also told her that she and Jorge didn't help out with your cremation. My dad, alex, silvia, and the guys from the shop all Pitched in to cover that expense. Not even my so called "friends" helped me out. She went on about her limited funds. My whole world ended with you. I have no income. I dont even have your income. I told you but you never ever really believed me. You go and all of this. The dream the hopes everything goes up in smoke and it probably is.

You were right about them. You called it. It sucks that your death was the price for this and alot of other lessons. You didnt have to go for me to learn this. I always knew they were shitty people my mom and friends. It just didnt matter to me cause you were, well you still are, my best friend. You were the person i would share my dreams and fears with. You were the one i would share my crazy theories and ideas with. You were the one that would get into the shits and the trenches with me. No one else would go as far and as deep as you did with me let alone for me. We survived your greatest fear together. We ended up homeless but you, me, and the babies and even skitty pulled through it together. We bought our dream house together Last year. We still have more to do together. You cant leave me here all alone. Cause even though the babies are here. Its still alone. They need you just as much as i need you. They probably need you more then me.

It basically it was exhaustive exchange. I hung up on her and i out my phone on silent and thenni drifted of to sleep in a nap. I ended up waking up like 3-4 hours later. I had so much to do today. I was going to replace the utility sink and do some laundry and start emptyimg out the office so i can turn it into a kids room for alex's kids and then at some point i need to empty out your room for alex and doha my room will be my room but it will also be the babies room. I need go to ikea to go buy more doggie beds for them. I really hope i am doing the right thing. I wish you were still here cause right or wrong we would go through it together and thats all that matter in the end cause we always guarantee outcome we would come out of it together.

I've decided because alex hasn't ever really had stability in his life, its funny how you and me are 14 years apart and alex is right in the middle of us with 7 years difference on both sides. I will let our home become his home. Well not his home. The kid's home. If the keep your home comes through the house payment will become way more manageable and once the judgement money comes in i will get the life insurance and invest it so i can have that for income and surplus, and thank god to white people and their bullshit, i will have 0 taxes for it. And doctor has what maybe 3 good years left in him maybe he might make it till he is 15 years old but at least you'll be waiting on the other side for him and the rest. And the babies maybe have 10 years in them maybe more. So what i have hopefully 10 more years to go till my time is up and hopefully my ticket gets punched. So anywhere between here and there i'll stablize myself and leave his kids the house and some money for college or whatever they want to do and oswaldito something too and i'll be able to bow out gracefully. But if i am able to make time travel practical in the next 10 years then maybe i can go back and save you and make these next 10 years pointless and edit time so it has you in it and all of this is a moot point and we can get the life and ending you deserved.

Regardless of what you may think or feel. I still need you. I am going to fuck up. I am going to probably end up crashing and burning. I am having such a hard time keeping it together righr now. When you were here it was so easy now it just takes so much just to breathe. Momma please come back! I love you.

[topsolarpanels]

‘ Call me a racist, but don’t say I’m a Buddhist ‘: America’s alt right

They present themselves as modern intellectuals of extremism. But the US far right, detects Sanjiv Bhattacharya, have the same white supremacist obsessions

Every few weeks, William Johnson, the chairman of the white patriot American Freedom Party( AFP ), holds a lunch for members, the goal being to stimulate America a white ethnostate, a project that begins with electing Donald Trump. This week, its at a grand old French eatery called Taix, in Echo Park, Los Angeles an odd choice on the face of it. Echo Park is a trendy hood. Its hipster and heavily Hispanic. In fact, given the predominance of Latino kitchen staff in this city, it may be wise to hold off on the Trump talk until the food arrives.

About three months ago, Johnson begins, I was talking to Richard Spencer about how we need to plan for a Trump victory. Spencer is another prominent white patriot he heads the generic-sounding National Policy Institute. I said: I want Jared Taylor[ of American Renaissance] as UN Ambassador, and Kevin MacDonald[ an evolutionary psychologist] as secretary of health and Ann Coulter as homeland security! And Spencer said: Oh Johnson, thats a pipe dream! But today, hed no longer say that, because if Trump wins, all the establishment Republican, theyre run They detest him! So whos left? If we can foyer, we can set our people in there.

Around the table five young men, roughly half Johnsons age( hes 61 ), nod and tilt in. They all wear suits and ties, relating to the waiter as sir and identify as the alt right, the much-discussed nouvelle vague of racism. Are you guys familiar with the Plum Book ? Johnson asks. Its plum because of the colour, but also because of the plum positions there are 20,000 jobs in that volume that are open to a new administration.

So we need to identify our top people! says Eric, one of “the mens” at the table.

Just anyone with a college degree! Johnson says.

Right. Eric is practically ricochetting in his seat with exhilaration. We need to get the word out. We are the new GOP!

A whiter future: pro- and anti-Trump advocates clash outside Trump Towers in New York. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

Its not every day that a brown journalist gets to sit in on a white-nationalist strategy meeting. But these are strange days. Racism is trending. Like Brexit, Trump has normalised views that were once beyond the pale, and groups like the AFP have grown bold. Their mans stubby orange fingers are within reach of actual power, so perhaps its time to emerge from the darkness at last.

I first gratified Johnson in May after he signed up as a Trump delegate before being swiftly struck off by the campaign when the press found out. Hes a surprising figure. An avid environmentalist, fluent in Japanese and, in person , not the bitter old racist Id expected but instead a jolly Mormon grandfather, bright eyed and chuckle, a Wind in the Willows character. Eric is even more unexpected. Tall and impassioned, “hes come to” racism via hypnotherapy, of all things. He sells solar panels for a life and practises yoga. Together with his friends Matt and Nathan, who are also here at lunch, he operates an alt-right frat in Manhattan Beach a brew and barbecues thing. Theyre called the Beach Goys. Were starting a parody band, he beams. Weve discovered a drummer!

Between them they represent two poles of a racist spectrum, young and old. And judging from this lunch, its the millennials who are the more extreme. Johnson wants white patriots to appear less mean and he discovers the JQ, the Jewish Question, archaic. But Eric loves the meanness of the alt right. Were the troll army! he says. Were here to win. Were savage! And antisemitism is non-negotiable. In fact, hed like to clear up a misnomer about the alt right, propagated by the Breitbart columnist Milo Yiannopoulos, who is often described, mistakenly, as the movements leader. Milo casts the alt right as principally a trolling enterprise, dedicated to assaulting liberal shibboleths for the lulz theres precious little actual intolerance. But Eric insists otherwise. Yes, they like to gag, they have memes, theyre just as funny as liberals have I heard of their satirical news podcasts, the Daily Shoah and Fash the Nation ? But build no mistake, the racism is real. Eric especially enjoys The Daily Stormer , a resulting alt-right news site, which is unashamedly pro-Hitler.

What unites Johnson and Eric is what they describe as the systematic browbeating of the white male namely all this talk of privilege, the Confederate flag, Black Lives Matter and mansplaining. But beyond that, its the looming extinction of the white race. This is the language they use. Also: Diversity equals white genocide. The alt right loves to provoke genocide while harbouring Holocaust deniers. Their point is that white people are melting away like the icecaps, and they have a primal drive to stop it. In 2044 , non-Hispanic whites will drop below 50% of the US population. The generation of the white minority has already been born, Eric says. Look at South Africa and Rhodesia. Thats where were headed. Total disenfranchisement.

Mexican activists on the campaign trail. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

I want to reassure him that his Brown Rulers is likely to be gentle and that bondage isnt even worse when you get used to it. But its not me they want to hear from, its white people. This is the white patriots burden the very people theyre trying to save are the ones who most ferociously oppose them. The only group I cannot get along with is white people, says Johnson. Because white people detest white people who like white people.

A couple of days later, Johnson is at his cluttered desk in downtown LA, nattering blithely in Japanese to a woman in Tokyo. He gets lots of media requests these days, but especially from Japan. Theres an uncanny connection between Japan and white patriotism in America. Jared Taylor, white patriotisms foremost intellectual, is another fluent speaker. Its an ethnostate and its deep nationalist, he says. And they have resisted the pressure to admit refugees. I say: God bless them!

For his part, Johnsons racism was shaped in Japan. He grew up in Eugene, Oregon, a nation founded as a white utopia, in a modest Mormon home, back before the LDS church dedicated black people the priesthood in 1978. But it was his two-year mission to Tohoku, Japan, that turned him. As “hes been gone” from doorway to door, locals would opine on the greatness of white America. They had an inferiority complex after the war, so we were treated like celebrities, he says. Oh, it was just the funnest hour! A few years later, while working in Japan as an attorney, he wrote a book advocating the repatriation of all non-whites with appropriate reparations, because I thought America was going to breakdown unless I did something. When he returned to LA, he sent a transcript to every congressman. He was 32.

Clearly things didnt work up as schemed. His forays into politics floundered and then his offices were bombed. So he retreated from activism for nearly 15 years, merely returning in 2009 to form the AFP merely in time for the rise of the alt right.

We head to his 67 -acre ranch near Pasadena, a hilly lot backing on to a national forest. I asked to meet his family, but his wife refused, so we tour the farm instead his persimmon orchard, his ponies and ducks. And there on his pick-up truck is a stencil of Jimi Hendrix. My daughter likes to paint, he says proudly. None of his five children are white patriots, though they have promised to marry within the race.

Youre a white supremacist with a black artist painted on your truck, I tell him. And he flinches. Thats the meanest, most hurtful swearword there is. Just because I say different races have differing strengths doesnt entail I believe Im superior. He doesnt like racist either. Its a pejorative. I prefer race realist.

But its not my reality, Bill. Im sticking with racist.

Well, OK. But people who espouse racist are mad at everybody. I get along with people. You cannot function in Los Angeles without encountering other races, so I look for areas of similarity and arrangement. Its important to treat everyone with the highest respect on a micro level.

I believed America was going to breakdown unless I did something: William Johnson, chairman of the American Freedom Party, at home on his ranch near Pasadena. Photograph: Barry J Holmes for the Observer

On a macro level, however, darkness falls multiculturalism is doomed, the different races will never get along, and our only hope is Balkanisation: separate territories for separate tribes. And whatever accelerates that transition is greeting, even racial strife. I dont suppose friction is a good thing, he says, but it would help facilitate the divide that is necessary.

We stop to feed his alpacas. Theres a brown one, a black one and a white one, standing peacefully together against the chicken wire fence.

See Bill, theyre get along.

He laughs. I wish people were like alpacas.

Im with Eric at a Mexican restaurant in Manhattan Beach where he lives, an upscale, white neighbourhood in the South Bay. He clears space on the table and smiles. OK, you ready? Your first tarot card reading with the Hitler Youth!

Its been an odd afternoon. We walked along the beach and I asked about his gmail address which includes the number 1488, a potent number for white supremacists. The 14 stands for the 14 terms coined by the late David Lane of the group The Order: We must procure the existence of our people and a future for white children. And the 88 refers to HH( H being eighth in the alphabet) or Heil Hitler. Eric sighed. OK, but this stuffs hard to talk about, he said. It depends how red-pilled you are.

Alt-righters love talking about the red pill. Its a reference to The Matrix blue-pilled people bumble through a life of illusion, while the red-pilled have watched the truth and theres no going back. Like all conspiracy theorists they ensure the hidden hand that guides all things, but for the alt right that hand is Jewish. The red pill is classic antisemitism, rebooted for a younger generation. As we walked, he laid it out the banking, the media, the globalism. We passed games of beach volleyball and family barbecues, while he explained why the Holocaust was exaggerated and Hitler got a bad rap.

A nation without colour: William Johnson speaking at an AFP conference in 2013.

Have you noticed that kombucha isnt as fizzy as it used to be? he asks, along the way, because Eric isnt your average Nazi. He trained as a spiritualist. He has taught meditation. He brought his tarot cards in case I wanted a reading.

Dont tell me its the Jews, I tell him. He chuckles. You said it , not me!

In the late 70 s, the Klansman David Duke swapped his hood and robes for a suit and affiliation, and took white dominance out of the cross-burning fields and into the boardroom. Mark Potok of the Southern Poverty Law Center describes the alt right in similar terms, as Racism 2.0, a rebranding for the digital generation. Its a trendy reboot alt right builds white domination sound like an art collective. And Eric, the kombucha Nazi, just takes it a step further into the aisles of Whole Foods. Hes a locally sourced, wild-caught bigot high in omega-3s and antisemitism. It attains him more sinister in some manner, and more harmless in others. As Nazis go.

Hmm, Nazi. Like Johnson, hes squeamish about terms. Warriors against political correctness can be awfully sensitive. Its such a slur, he says. But come along hes a Hitler apologist. OK, penalty, he says. Just dont say Im a Buddhist, because Im actually more into Norse and Celtic mysticism now.

Itll come as no surprise that someone whod instead be called a Nazi than a Buddhist has a strange story to tell. Originally from a well-off white suburb of Chicago, he moved to Las Vegas to pursue music. Then one day, in the gym of his condo house, he met a guru figure well call Frank. A spiritualist and businessman, Frank introduced Eric to New Age mysticism and Japanese Buddhism. And it was under Franks guidance that Eric moved to LA to study hypnotherapy and began a career giving reads and tarot demonstrates at a psychic bookshop. Frank, he says, was his mentor and best friend. But then Eric took a turning. He radicalised himself. He left the New Age life, detecting it too feminine, and spiralled down a sinkhole of conspiracy hypothesi. He and Frank have been estranged ever since. Frank is black.

By the book: author Ann Coulter. Photograph: Aaron Davidson/ Getty Images

Today, Eric still meditates and practises yoga. His weeks are spent like David Brent, as a travelling salesman, driving around gratifying his solar energy clients. His weekends, however, are all about the Beach Goys, which now has 15 members. Last week, they went on a hike to the Murphy Ranch in the Pacific Palisades, a decrepit old property that was originally constructed as a refuge for Hitler after the war. Next week is their first band rehearsal. Erics going to play guitar and sing. And this is the future he wants not a plum job with the Trump administration. I dont find myself as a bureaucrat, he says. I want to take the Beach Goys national. I want to inspire people.

It could happen. Trump has unleashed something in America. Johnson wont uncover the AFPs membership numbers Perhaps we want to appear bigger than we are? but Eric insists the alt right is on the procession. Were growing with every hashtag, every BLM protest, every city that becomes a Detroit, or a London, he says. Were everywhere! Were the guy next to you at yoga, the barista at Starbucks … Its like Fight Club for supremacists, a profoundly unsettling thought( which is why Eric loves it ).

But his delight in being a secret Nazi detracts from the seriousness of it all, the white genocide stuff. Hes having too much fun. And I wonder, as we finish our brews, if it will pass for Eric, this Nazi phase. He simply doesnt seem that threatening. Then he starts up about a race war, that old white-supremacist chestnut. Because behind the trolling veneer, the alt right is more traditional than alt. What Eric believes is vintage racism, the same old wine in a new ironic cask. And Tony Benns terms ring as true as ever: Every generation must fight the same combats again and again.

Our civilisation is at war and we need to secure our people, Eric says. We must seize power and take control. And the idea that we can do this peacefully is probably not realistic.

We get along well enough, Eric and I, but he has the same micro/ macro discrepancy as Johnson. And at a macro level, there is only desperation and division. I do not advocate violence, but I will give my life for my blood and for the honour of my ancestors.

He thrums the tarot cards in his hands, his voice becoming ever more animated. We accept the game thats being played. We accept that the lion and the gazelle are competitor. But they dont “re going to have to” dislike one another. Thats just how we view it.

He shrugs. Its scary. The world is scary. This is not a game for children.

Read more: www.theguardian.com

The post ‘ Call me a racist, but don’t say I’m a Buddhist ‘: America’s alt right appeared first on Top Rated Solar Panels.

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[somedaypast-thesunset]

i had a nice weekend, amazingly enough. in some ways i feel we both made an effort but at the same time we didn’t. like we just chilled - didnt try to make plans or rush through, just accepted that this was the activity.

it helped to change the routine up a bit. since my roommate left, we decided to stay at my place. i had a friend over for tea before being dropped off at his place where we packed up some things and came back. we got weed and alcohol and watched the unabomber documentary on netflix. it was nice - no one was yelling, no one was bothered. i brought my bed out to the living room so we could watch the big screen and relax.

in the morning we went to the bakery and bought good stuff for breakfast. smoked some weed, finished the unabomber series and took a nap. then we went skating at the park downtown before buying ingredients to make a fancy pasta dinner at his house.

it was very nice. i felt that this was ~my christmas. we definitely needed time / space to enjoy each other as is instead of constantly rushing and or making plans for other things. the success of it and the lure of downtown began helping him change his min (as well as the fact he wants to live the life the unabomber lived and now he realizes its kind of crazy)tm

this week i have a doctors appointment and im supposed to get a tattoo. he leaves on friday basically but he should be back before the next friday which oesnt seem that bad at all? he’ll still be here for new years. and my birthday. considering i dont care about christmas anyways, seems like an okay deal and i’ll probably get free random shit from people anyways. 

things are 20% less bad than they were on thursday/friday last week. it’s not great but i dont want to die. which is like .... the most normal level of being for me possible rght now. i am not “excited” to see my doctor because it means ive gone off the deep end but i am excited for the relief that i will feel upon talking to a professional who advocates for me. i am considering asking if he would want to talk to one of my friends who has been dealing with me to see if it would help because i think it would help to see that i have smart friends who are active in my life in positive ways - like i still want to provide proof that i’m not just some drug addict.

on the weekend i told him the story of my cat frank. frank died in really traumatic circumstances which was totally unusual for most people. frank was very very very sick and i took him to the vet by bus because my father was very sick. the vet took my cat, performed emergency procedures on him, then asked me to pay for it. when i couldnt pay for it they gave me the option of releasing it to the humane society, which the humane society woulnt take it and i would have to rive it there myself or put the now healthy cat down. so basically i had to put it down. they wanted me to pay to put it down as well. i had a friends father come in and he yelled at them and made a ig eal and they put it down for me for free.

in my life, i figured this was just ~ another thing. he asked me why this happened, how it couldve happened, that it was like a really terrible story if not one of the worst he’s ever heard and pressed for details. i did not fully realize at the time how unique my exprience was. i thought this went with my old line of belief - i was crazy. i was the crazy one just experiencing the world aroun me and reacting to it in a crazy way. i just “didnt understand” what was happening. i was 16 and alone and just dealing with this. 

but i was not crazy. i had taken my family pet to the vet like anyone would in modern society on the expectation that they cared about animals. but they did not care at all and i dont think that people fully understand that the pet industry is about money - it is not about the animal at all. but most people will drain their bank accounts for a beloved animal. i know people who have spent thousands of dollars and acted like it was completely normal and okay. 

is it though? i dont know. it seems fucked that we domesticated animals to an overabunance and then put a huge price tag on caring for one that they would otherwise kill. when this animal once survived in the wild without any care at all. 

but i tried to explain the nuances of this story to him which he would have zero understanding of at all. it is a bit like racism. you would never understand what a black person felt if you are not black. you do not get the nuanced glances and little shuffles away from you on a daily basis that makes you feel inhuman. and you cant explain the depth of that to someone - it sounds like you’re overreacting and nitpicking when this bothers your soul because you were merely born into the world and others are reacting to you for no reason at all.

so i tried to explain the nuances of being in poverty, having an alternative style and possibly being perceived as not white. which is a weird and unknown factor to my life - i am perceived as not white. i cannot say for certain what i am perceived as - i’ve gotten mixed, spanish and asian. but many times i am perceived as “not white”. i believe as i am getting older and my “alternative” style has become more like an old witchy type lady who just wears black and i am judged even more based on my natural looks that i am in fact coming across as more native american now than since i was a kid. 

it is kind of easy to tell by clothes if someone is experiencing poverty. kind of. sometimes people are still really insecure and want to portray themselves better off because they know its more beneficial to do so. some eople have no choice at all. as a teenager my “altnerative style” itself looked poor. i wore ripped jeans and band tshirts, i had weird colored hair that i cut myself and i probably had gross peircings. maybe i was wearing makeup from the night before. maybe my shoes had holes in them. maybe my jacket did. maybe i wore my leopard print coat. i dont know. i dont even know what i looked like or what i wore - i expressed myself through my style and i was very all over the place. maybe they judged me by this.

and its so easy to “understand” the judgement of “some punk kid” but the nuanced beliefs that follow it are not. punk to many is a criminal. a drug addict. someone who doesnt care. a kid is someone who does understand, that they can control and manipulate. someone in poverty has no choice and other people wont care. they wont care that this is a teenage girl saving her beloved pet, willing to work out payment plans and everthing else to do it. 

he did seem to understand my perspective. i have alot to deal with. this is why its offensive when i have to hear him lament about some other person’s life - who i honestly have no doubt they struggled. i really dont. if i met them independently and they told me of their lives, i bet we would get along (provided they werent a drug addict anymore) because i feel we’d probably empathize with eachother far more than he ever empathized with us. and i have only heard stories from others and every story is terrible - their successes are few and far between and they actively make harmful choices. imagine how they felt life was like for them to come to such conclusions on how they’ll live. to make choices to shoot drugs and fuck with all these people without care - that’s probably a lot of people actively not loving you and/or serious mental illness. 

but when the focus is on that and them and my struggles are taken without the same heaviness or seriousness or acceptance of how this would affect me .. it’s offensive. i do not want to be in competition with anyone for a shitty life. you cannot even be proud of that. it’s just sad. i’m sa for them, i’m sad for me - it’s just sad. but when no seriousness is taken on my life, i find myself trying to defend the belief that my life was not easy. and not just “not easy” like my parents divorced  or i didnt get into the school i wanted. like really seriously not easy, likely equal to the not easiness of this person as well. i just had a completely unique not easy experience to them and perhaps it’s not as wild or entertaining? or i’m not the cute little white blonde girl? 

i explained this to another friend about a doctor. as a teenager a friend and i  went to the doctor to try and find some help for me. we were our usual teenage goth selves and the doctor pretty much laughed and thought we were lesbians (we were not, which i guess kudos to him for accepting our perceived homosexuality but that wasnt part of the issue at hand) 

this is just the very obvious points. the examples you can see where most likely some judgement occurred but the actual bigger picture is what all these nuanced interactions equal out to. if everyday my interaction with someone is clouded by pre-conceived notions of being a drug addict, a criminal, “not white” (which in itself could be leading to the first two but is racist all around anyways) or to the lesser degrees - strange, not “socially acceptable”. but i am none of these things -  am just me. 

and you know, right now i am in a place much like my friend was as a teenager. she struggled with her racial identitiy. she did not want to be seen as “brown”. she carried hatred and resentment towards her culture and did not want to accept it despite being “brown”. so like her, i am very non-accepting of drug addicts because their existence makes mine harder. a drug addict many times lives in poverty. “not white” people are perceived as drug addicts. alternative styles are seen as drug addicts. and drug addicts themselves, many of whom i’ve interacted with, are not nice people. they are not people you want to be around and yes - they are still people. under the heroin and crack, they are still people hurt and struggling. i get it. but they just made the struggle for themselves and me ten times harder. so i have to fight and defend myself that i am not a drug addict which is so hard to prove because they can believe you’re popping pills or your trip to the bathroom took too long and it’s frustrating as hell.

unlike my friend i do not have to accept my identity as a drug addict because i’m not one. i realized that i did in fact choose to take a harder route in the struggles of life because doing drugs is the easy way. and yes, smoking weed is kind of the same but i’ve dealt and cried about life. every experience ive had with other drugs has been very numbing and exaggerated and an altered viewpoint. that is not how i react with weed. i dont know if others react differently and i wouldnt argue if they did. but this is my reaction. i would smoke 2 joints everyday before i took an anti depressant which i have taken and do not have the same very positive effects. 

but when ihave done other drugs and if i chose to continue to do other drugs its a complete escape. 100% non functioning escape. and it’s not like “do a little” mdma and you’re just a little happier all day. PEOPLE ARE STILL AROUND YOUR WEIRD ASS which is affected by this drug in unusual ways like you’re a “little happier” and everyone else is uncomfortable. congrats. i do drugs and i am writhing on the floor like a piece of shit. 

anyways, he told his mother the story about the vet and she essentially pushed it aside and said it seemed unlikely. she is why my life is shit. people ust like her multiplied into the thousands. for all the nuanced judgements and personal experiences - it seemed unlikely. but it did happen. this is my life. you’re telling me my life seems unlikely. this is exactly what happened. a grown man with a government job came in and yelled at them. i know his name. why would that occur? do you not understand WHY I AM CRAZY?

i am constantly looking for validation because of people like her. not everyone is like her. some people with vast life experiences or real open minds take you for your word. anything is possible in life. but many people don’t. and many of those people hold positions of power or authority which may even be as simple as being a teacher or principal. but those people will shape and guide the path your life in society is going to take. when i told people of what was going on - they didn’t believe me, they didnt care; it seemed unlikely. so i’m left questioning the importance, my sanity, my perspective as well as dealing with the actual active problem entirely on my own with absolutely no help or direction what so ever. thank god i was an egotistical cocky angry teenager. my punk ass attitude and anger and genera ignorance got me through things i honest to god probably wouldnt even do now. younger me was ten times harder. i was ready to do anything go anywhere but i didnt because i had guilt and apathy. i didnt have the same apathy as i do now, but there was some. i dont have guilt anymore and looking back had i followed through on my teenage dreams, i mightve been better off. i wanted to move out early. i wanted to move out at like 15 - 16 years old. if my dad had not gotten sick, i wouldve been working at a job where i made 350 - 500$ every week doing shit i was fully 100% capable of doing with no issue what so ever. in a home environment interacting with one other person. i realized i had earned like 4000$ in the 3 -4 months i was working there and had literally nothing because i spent it on weed and vodka and ecstacy. then i lost the job for being so stressed out and smoking so much weed before and during work that i couldnt even do the job anymore. which was like SHIT I DO EVERY DAY ANYWAYS. 

at 17 i spent 3 months living by myself. literally. while working. an taking care of any responsibilities my sick father put on me and this is before hes even in the house. most people cant eve comprehend the idea of me doing this now but this is what i did. what you need to realize is that my mother at the time was also still alive. so for whatever reason she just ... didn’t give a fuck this was happening. she knew. she was fully aware. but not once did she offer anything. she just wanted to know if he was going to be dead or not. 

17 year old me dealt with this by smoking an insanely large amount of weed which i do not think i have even matched to this day because never have i had that much disposable income again. but not only did i smoke weed, i did a shit ton of mdma and k and drank a lot of vodka which was my drink of choice at the time. we stole my dads van, three times, for lke no purpose. it was bad. this was essentially my most punk era of time which i now look back on pretty disappointed with myself because i had the wherewithal to get a job, maintain a job but then be a complete piece of shit teenager. that was my time - had i not given into drugs or alcohol i’d have been WAY different. period. 

by not taking that way out - and i feel like people don’t understan i made a concious decision not to do it anymore but eliminating toxic people in my life and like completely removing myself from these situations. the last time of significance that i did drugs - my friend came from toronto to visit. this is what we did. the routine. she came and we woul get “bored” and decide lets just pool what money we have and get something. so i asked everyone on facebook - at the time i had probably 150+ friends (super unusual for me a really big number) and just asked anyone and everyone. a random kid who went to our school back in the day (we were probably 18 now) said he had some pills. we walked in the dark to meet this kid and he gave us 2 pills for 20$ which is a pretty big rip off but we didnt care. we went back to my place, popped them and got high as fuck. half way through our trip, my bf at the time randomly shows up. which was a big deal; he live 3 hours away and was surprising me. we were very surprised and it was awkward and weird and it wasnt like we could send him away. we had to spend a few hours with him awkwardly before she slept in the other room and i had an uncomfortable time “sleeping” with him. 

i decided then maybe i was getting too old. i spent two years doing drugs and going through his routine and it was wearing on my body already. my teeth and gums were always sore from grinding, my lungs were always sore from smoking so many cigarettes, i was spending all of my money on drugs - there was times when the drugs were clearly mixed with other more disgusting drugs like coke and meth and it would result in way more fucked up reactions like the time i hit myself in the thigh with a baton for 30 minutes before my friend noticed and made me stop. but the repetition and pain were part of the enjoyment for me. all of the times i was on drugs, i was a different person. i was someone i would never actually be. sure, my inhibitions were lower but the filters of how i truly felt and would act are no longer there and thats not a real represenation of my actual true self. these are just deep layers of myself that i may not even want to share or would normally consent to sharing if the drugs didnt affect me. and that bothered me alot. it stil bothers me - my behavior on drugs. people out there have seen me in ways im not proud of. i’m embarassed and i only have myself to blame. 

so thats the easy way. the hard way is living life within your true self and finding enjoyment in things when you can barely find the excitement in yourself. take a drug and do any activity - it’s fantastic. do nothing and it’s great. but fining things your true self wants to take part in -- long time drug addicts know the “boredom”. they never took the journey to find these passions and instead elected for the easy way to have the excitement handed to them.

and honestly? nothing really matches the thrill of mdma. or i guess crack or heron or whatever you do. i have never felt anything like it. every nerve is awake and aware, i am hyper sensitive to all of life and my mind is clear. everything is interesting and awe inspiring. 

but thats not life. you cant carry that into the slums of the ghetto. you cant go outsie and stare blindly at the sun. you cannot do it. this is not life. and its okay to someones experience it. the same way its okay to experience the heat of the sun. you can do it lightly ad responsibly. any other way really harms you.

in the spirit of positivity, here are some things that really get me going:

- playing an entire song with no mistakes on guitar and possibly singing it without fucking up or forgetting the words. super exciting to my life in ways nothing else is. it’s not even like i’m trying to play for other people it’s just a personal knowledge that i can do this and play it and feel it and create it. 

- making good food. not just like cooking food but the satisfaction of the actual creation of making something thats really good or luxurious. 

- being physically close to the person i am in a relationship with. i like the warmth and i was very deprived of physical contact but i dont like it with strangers or friends either so its a rare and nice feeling to lay close with someone. 

- a very fascinating tv show. like one that i have to keep watching because i neeeed to know. thats a unique and interesting feeling of human beings; being really curious. i guess it’s lke reading a book but i dont read much at this stage in my life but i hope ill become hat kind of person and when i do itll probably be exciting to have so much material in a world ive rarely visited. 

- cats. i really love cats. all of the cats. i love visiting people’s cats and i like to become friends with them. cats are great because they feel very individual; no two cats are the same and no matter how much the owner impresses on to the cat, the cat is just a cat and it does what it wants so it’s like getting to make a new friend even if the person you’re visiting isnt that exciting. cats are always great. even the shitty grumpy ones. or the old ones that maybe arent into you. if you spend enough time, eventually they will be and you can be friends and people think you’re a cat whisperer. i have atleast two cat friends i see regularly but i see more cats than that. we’re just not friends yet. 

- a really good song. either with really good rocking bluesy music or clever/well written lyrics.