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frost-flame · 4 years ago

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Stan’s Ford plushie

A fic based on my post. This is also a practice to write more Stancest in the future. (It’s more of plot though)

His brother is such an ungrateful bastard! Why did he expect a "Thank you" from his brother? Right, he was hopeful. He should've learn to stop being so hopeful. Life in the streets taught him that. He'd gone soft.

He sighed sadly as he removed his fez and sat on his bed. He put the fez and his glasses on the nightstand and lied down the bed, staring at the ceiling with nothing in his mind. But sleep still hadn't come to him. He had gotten used to working on the portal every night. For 30 years that's what he did. Now... He feels incomplete without that on his routine.

All he wanted was a "Thank you" (and maybe even a hug) from his brother. Their reunion was completely different than what he thought it would be and yet... That was actually one of the possibilities he thought of. Ford punching him on the face. He remained positive and hoped that maybe one good thing would come to his life. He should've known no good things happen to him, except the kids. Them coming here is the best thing that happened to him.

Stan chuckled. He may not get the love he wanted from his brother. But he has the kids now. They love him. They made it obvious to him every day. With that thought, he fell asleep.

~~~~~

Next morning Mabel can't help but feel a bit down after remembering what happened yesterday. Her grunkle Stan seemed so sad. Then again, if she was in Stan's case, she would be too. Getting punched at the face by your twin brother whom you haven't seen for 30 years isn't really a reunion anyone would be expecting.

Mabel had made a decision. She wants to make her grunkle happy, but how? She could make something for him. But would that be enough? No. What would cheer up Stan? Money? Stan already gets that through the mystery shack. A date? Stan didn't seem to show any interest to anyone else in the Falls. Getting a tourist to go on a date may be a solution, but the shack is close. A plush? Now what would Stan need a plush for?

Wait a moment...

Remembering the wax figure that she made before (that unfortunately melted), Stan treated it like a person... Like his brother.

"Like Great Uncle Ford!" Mabel said out loud. "What about Great Uncle Ford?" Dipper asked with interest and a sparkle in his eyes. "Nothing, Dipper. I just want to cheer Grunkle Stan up. He seemed so sad yesterday" said Mabel as she sat cross-legged on her bed and hugged Waddles and played with his little pig arms.

"I know. I never saw how fake his smile was until that moment when he smiled at us before we went to bed" Dipper replied as he put his book on the nightstand. As much as Dipper wanted to ask the author a billion questions about Gravity Falls, the man had just got back last night and is probably adjusting. He needs to give the man a bit of space before asking him what he needed to know.

"What do you mean like Great Uncle Ford?" Dipper asked. "What?" Mabel replied confused. "You said "Like Great Uncle Ford" suddenly. What do you mean by that?" Dipper asked again.

"Oh right! Remember the wax figure that I made of Stan? He treated it like a person. And then we discovered Grunkle Stan has a twin and the wax figure look like him! It all come together Dipper. He treated the wax figure like his brother!" Mabel exclaimed.

"I never thought of that. No wonder why he was so sad when the wax figure "died" said Dipper thoughtfully. "But what's the point in all of this, Mabel?" Dipper asked in interest.

"Well, I want to cheer Grunkle Stan up! You saw how he looked last night. I want to make him happy" said Mabel with a happy smile. "How are we going to do that? Bring him out fishing?" Dipper asked with teasing tone to his voice. "Nope! I'll make a replacement Ford" Mabel exclaimed.

"A what?" Dipper asked, shocked at Mabel's statement. "You know, a substitute. A replacement for the wax figure I made so he could get the love he wants from his brother" replied Mabel with a big grin.

"And what exactly would this "substitute" be? Another wax figure?" Dipper asked.

Mabel hummed in thought and then snapped her fingers as an idea popped into her head.

"A plush! Everyone loves plushies! I think" said Mabel but mumbled the last part. "What about a plush of Great Uncle Ford?" Mabel asked with a big grin.

"That can be a good idea" said Dipper thoughtfully, putting a hand on his chin. "But you need to ask for Great Uncle Ford's permission first" he added. Mabel's smile slowly turned into a frown as that idea came into mind.

"You're right. How am I suppose to ask Great Uncle Ford that?" Mabel asked. "I don't know. That idea was great and all but if The Author didn't approve of a plush toy of him, it will be pointless" Dipper stated rather than reply.

"It's not a question of yes or no. It's a question of when I can ask him" said Mabel confidently. "What made you certain Great Uncle Ford will say yes?" Dipper asked with a raised brow. "That's on me, Dipper" said Mabel.

She jumped from her bed and ran downstairs excitedly. "Wait! Mabel!" Dipper left his bed and grabbed the 2nd Journal to continue reading for later and ran after his twin.

Reaching down the stairs, Dipper hurried to the gift shop and saw his sister standing in front of the vending machine with a little reluctance etched on her face. She gave Dipper a grin and was about to reach to type in the code. But then the vending machine opened and out came their great uncle Ford. He seemed surprise to see them as well.

“Kids! What are you doing up so late?” Ford asked surprise. “It’s already morning, great uncle Ford” Mabel replied with a smile while Dipper nodded in awe at seeing their great uncle or the author again.

“It’s morning? I didn’t notice. Is there any breakfast?” Ford asked looking around. Only then did he notice that indeed it is morning, the light outside the shack making it obvious.

“Yes! There are pancakes in the kitchen for you” Dipper replied. Mabel noticed Dipper sweating a little bit. Mabel snickered at that.

So far so good.

They followed Ford onto the kitchen and watched him grabbed a fork, seeming to inspect it for a second and sat at the table. The pancakes were neatly stacked along with maple syrup and butter on top. A note was written Ford on top of it all.

“Do you kids want some?” Ford asked nudging the plate of stacked pancakes towards them. Both twins shook their heads no. Now’s the moment, Mabel thought.

“Great Uncle Ford, do you mind if we make a plush toy version of you?” Mabel asked quickly but shyly. Despite being a relative, the man is still a bit foreign to them (or to her). But she does want to make something for the man. How about finger puppets? He could be the master of finger puppets with his six fingers. She'll do that later.

Ford seemed to enjoy the food he was eating as he looked slightly blissful and happy as he ate the pancake. “Hmm? Oh yes, of course” said the author with a dismissive wave of hand. Mabel cheered and ran off, Dipper following suit.

“By the way, Grunkle Stan made those pancakes! it’s good right, Great Uncle Ford? So much better than the Diner's!” Mabel added happily. Both twins didn’t notice the surprise look of the author and the phantom smile that came after it.

Mabel and Dipper walked around town wondering where they can find a tailor to sew a plush toy of Ford and wondering how much it would cost. if it’s too expensive, Mabel would have no choice but to make it herself, whether or not it would look like Great Uncle Ford or not.

"Now where can we find a tailor that sews custom plushies?" Mabel asked to herself. "We should ask someone we know for a trustable source" Dipper commented. Mabel nodded her head in agreement. That would be preferable. If the price for customized plush would be too expensive, Mabel would have to buy all the materials needed and she has to learn how to make one too. But as much as possible she preferred to have it be created by a professional.

"Heya, dudes!" A familiar voice greeted. "Soos!" The twins greeted back in unison. Because of the events last night, the shack is once again in repair, being managed by Stan while his only two staff had the day-off. It seemed the town is also in the same condition.

"Soos, thank goodness you're here" said Mabel in relief. "Soos, you're just the guy we need" Dipper added. "Really? What for?" Soos asked curiously.

"We're looking for a tailor. Someone who is willing to make a customized plush toy of someone" Dipper replied. "We want to make a plush toy version of Great Uncle Ford for Grunkle Stan" Mabel explained. "To make him happy."

"For Mr. Pines, anything. Follow me, dudes. I know a tailor that might do your request" Soos said waving his hand to follow him. Mabel cheered then the twins followed Soos to the location of the tailor.

It took a lot of bargaining but since the tailor knew Soos, they were finally able to make the tailor agree with the price. It's a reasonable price but still a bit high. Soos decided to pitch in too. Mabel disagreed but Soos insisted because "It's for Mr. Pines" he said. Fortunately, they'll only pay once the product has been made.

"I'm glad that's over" said Mabel as she happily skipped back to the shack. "Yeah but we're going to wait a week to get it." Dipper complained. "For Grunkle Stan? I'm willing to wait" Mabel said.

Dipper shook his head but with a smile at his sister's determination or stubbornness.

~~~~~

A week passed and what happened yesterday still amuses Mabel. The fact that she went on an "epic magical quest" to save her brother was fun. She'd also been making finger puppets for her great uncle but he doesn't want to do it. Oh well, maybe next time. It seemed she's forgetting something. What could it be? What could it be?

Mabel looked at her surroundings and saw Waddles only lying down on the carpet. Her grunkle Stan is nowhere to be found because he's managing the shack again. Great Uncle Ford is still down at the basement as usual. Maybe that's where Dipper is.

Wait...

Ford... The Ford plush! "Oh that's what I forgot!" Mabel muttered, mentally smacking herself. She ran to the attic, grabbed the money and ran to where the tailor is.

Reaching the tailor, Mabel went inside and the owner of the little shop greeted her not so warmly.

"Took you long enough, kid. I was expecting earlier than this" said the tailor. Grabbing a box and giving it to Mabel. "Go ahead and check it kiddo, I did my best to make it adorable but detailed like those "chibi" things you showed me." The tailor made a circling motion with her wrist while rolling her eyes.

Mabel opened the box and took the plush. The fabric was nice to feel. There are exactly six fingers on each hand. And the plush is so soft. The hair had stuffing too. It seemed the glasses are removable. The jacket isn't though. That's fine.

"This is beautiful" said Mabel in awe. Someday she will make plush toys just as great as this, but nicer towards customers.

"Well, honey, of course it is! I made it!" said the tailor proudly with a smug look.

Mabel took the money from her backpack and paid the tailor. She put the plush back in the box and took the receipt and ran back to the shack with a big smile.

When Mabel reached the shack, she ran to her room and found Dipper there. Whatever he and Ford had been doing, it's done now.

"It's finished, Dippingsauce!" Mabel exclaimed showing the box where the plush is. "Really? What's it look like? Is that woman really great like she said?" Dipper asked with obvious curiosity. He would totally hate it if his sister wasted her money for nothing.

"Yes!" Mabel replied opening the box and showing the plush. "Wow, she is good" said Dipper. "I guess now we know why the price is like that"

"Worth it!" Mabel exclaimed with a huge grin. "I'm going to give this to Grunkle Stan later"

~~~~

Stan doesn’t know what he was staring at. Well he knows but he can’t believe what he was seeing. Mabel was holding a Ford looking plush right in front of him. It was pretty big. Maybe it’s about 40 centimeters? It looks expensive. Mabel was grinning at him with pure happiness and excitement. Is this for him?

“Grunkle Stan, what do you think? I had this made for you!” said Mabel with a big grin. Stan doesn’t know what to say really. He had no idea why Mabel would do this… and seriously that thing looks expensive.

“I- I don’t know what to say” he replied. Mabel took it as a compliment, fortunately. “I had this made for you” Mabel exclaimed and pushed the plush towards him. “Mabel, sweetie, how much did you pay for this?” Stan asked. “Doesn’t matter, Grunkle Stan” Mabel replied dismissively.

“Mabel if you spent a lot of money for this-“

“If I spent a lot of money for it and you decided to throw it away, then that would be wasting money” Mabel cut off with a hint of embarrassment in her voice.. That’s logical. But the tone… is she embarrass that he got this for him? It would be a waste of money to throw it because he didn’t like it. But he didn’t ask for this. But Mabel bought it for him (which is also embarrassing) because she was thinking of him.

“Why exactly did you bought this?” Stan asked unconsciously hugging the plush tighter. “Grunkle Stan, you were sadder – or grunklier – than usual again and I thought it was because of your brother. So I thought of getting you that so at least you can give as many hug as you can from your brother… like how you treated the wax figure before” Mabel replied while twiddling her fingers and face red. She is really that embarrass? Well, it is understandable now. An old man isn’t usually seen with a plush toy that is usually for children.

“Now I really think I wasted my money” Mabel muttered, embarrassed. That look doesn’t suit Mabel, not at all.

“Well, I kind of like it” Stan replied. “Mabel’s face looked surprise. “Really?” Mabel asked with her face starting to brighten. “Yeah! This is a lot better than the wax one. I like it. Thank you, Mabel” said Stan with a grin and playfully messing up her hair.

“Ack! Grunkle Stan”!” Mabel said removing the hand from her hair. She giggled and then gave him a hug, which caught Stan off guard. She skipped happily away with the knowledge of cheering up her Grunkle Stan.

The next day, Stan seemed to get attached to the plush quickly. Dipper and Mabel were proud of themselves. Stan’s mood lighten and he doesn’t glance at the vending machine nor hang at the gift shop often anymore. But he also doesn’t talk to the plush like a person unlike the wax figure. This is better. It benefited everyone! Stan’s happy with the plush and their Great Uncle Ford doesn’t need to be disturbed. It’s a great idea!

~~~~

Mabel and Dipper didn’t expect this…

Their Great uncle Ford obviously did not like it. He had been glaring at the plush whgenever he sees it for 2 days now, which was weird because he seemed to be okay with the plush at first. That was only three days ago. Does that mean it only took a day for Great Uncle Ford to hate it? Is it because they did it without his permission? That can’t be right. They asked permission and he said “yes”. Albeit dismissively, he still said yes!

…Then why? Why would he hate it? What if it’s because it is possessed…? No it can’t be possess. If it is, with or without permission from Stan, Ford would have destroyed it and explained to them why he had to do it. Then why? It’s an innocent plush.

Unless… is Great uncle Ford jealous of the plush, specifically the attention it keeps receiving from Grunkle Stan?

If that is the conclusion, Dipper would be doubtful… at first. It’s proof now. Stan just gave the plush a quick peck on the cheek and Great Uncle Ford seemed ready to commit murder. A few hours later, Stan did it again and Great Uncle Ford almost stormed to the living room if it weren’t for the fact that Mabel and him held Ford back.

Great Uncle Ford is jealous of the plush… This is going to be chaotic…

#gravity falls #stanley pines #mabel pines #dipper pines #stanford pines #stancest #maybe #f.f. fic #ford plush #ford plushie #gravity falls fanfiction #jealous ford

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imjeralee · 4 years ago

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Comfort in Despair: Chapter 25 - The Exorcist

Leon x F!Reader

Disclaimer: Do not own Pokemon

Summary:

Galar is rich in folklore and tales of the supernatural.

As a Pokemon Researcher who specialises in ghost types, this is a great opportunity for you to investigate and learn more about the paranormal.

Along the way, you meet Leon (in the most awkward way possible) who becomes embroiled in your adventures.

^ Basically this story is about ghosts :/

NOTE: ok so Genshin Impact has consumed my soul and I updated this on Tumblr a bit late sorry!!! There’s several warnings here to be shared with you all:

WARNING 1 - this chapter contains a real exorcism prayer and you should not read this prayer out loud unless you are a catholic priest.

WARNING 2 - I've never used an ouija board and I don’t plan to. You’re welcome to share with me your ouija board stories if you have tried one before but I myself don't know if they're just board games or really a gateway to let things in. Anyway people say exercise with caution so please do so should you ever decide to use one for whatever reason.

WARNING 3 - there is mention of blood, I toned down the exorcism here

Rating: General/Teen

@marydragneell here is the latest update

The Exorcist

…

[Legend of the Void:

(Ezra's version, which introduces concepts such as the merging of two universes to explain the origins of man + pokemon subservience to humans)

Before the concept of time existed, before anything existed, there was Something, and you may as well say this 'something' was a god, a divine being or interdimensional entity, and this entity created a Universe under the right circumstances and conditions, and he would proceed to create humans.

And for a while, the Creator of Man was happy until he saw the evil ways of humanity and he saw this evil run rampant in his world. Regretful and upset, he decided to destroy the very thing he created with a flood.

However, the Creator of Man didn't choose to restore this world. After he destroyed it, he left and found another Universe - a Universe that was similar to his own, except it was inhabited by strange creatures which we know as pokemon. Now they already had a creator, and their creator was called Arceus, who emerged from a void after our Creator did. And our Creator saw that this Universe was just as peaceful and beautiful as his previous one.

He decided to give his creations a second chance so he made humans all over again and placed them in this world. But mankind are a destructive species, the human heart is filled with evil intention and it always will be, and the humans began creating devices to enslave the pokemon race in order to utilise them as tools.

My notes: According to the Church of Circhester, this 'version' is completely unorthodox. It is 'baseless fabrication and blasphemy' and Ezra was condemned as a misanthrope.

Sometimes I wonder where Ezra gets his theories from because this is highly controversial. It's fascinating that to this day and age, scientists are actually still trying to figure who caught the first pokemon, what was the first pokemon caught, and why (ie, how did early humans gain this knowledge, who told them and/or did anyone tell them, what prompted them to capture a pokemon?), and how did they manage to do so in the first place.

Could the discovery of catching pokemon be similar to coincidences that happened throughout history, such as how cavemen discovered fire, how Newton discovered gravity?

(edit: there is a myth that Prometheus stole fire from the gods and gave it to humans. For his transgression, he was to undergo eternal torment as punishment - ie, bound to a rock and have his liver eaten out everyday, only for it to re-grow hence an ongoing cycle. He was freed by the hero, Heracles).

Interestingly enough, flood myth also exists in many cultures albeit with different variations (pls refer to: The Epic of Gilgamesh).

Also, I'm pretty sure Team Plasma advocated that pokemon were oppressed and should be liberated from their trainers but then again they were also being led by a psychopath with his own selfish motives.]

…

A few years ago.

The weather is thunder and lightning, coupled with intense spitting rain.

And he was sure he locked the cemetery gates before he left but now they were hanging loosely from the chain.

Ezra grumbles to himself, eyes narrowing.

It can only mean one thing: an intruder.

The rickety gates squeal on their old hinges as he pushes them open and steps inside. His heavy footsteps plod through the old, withered path of Greyson’s cemetery as he heads for the mausoleum. That’s usually where they are.

Absol trots beside him, her jaws clamped over the tarnished iron handle of an old lantern; she keeps it dangling in front of her, lighting up the path though it’s not much use to him. He lives in a world of darkness, and he's used to it.

It should have been a normal night, which would have been nice because he wanted some peace and quiet for a change considering how busy he had been for the past few weeks. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts and he wanted to enjoy a pack of beer and cigarettes.

Not tonight, it seems.

He will tell those pesky young lads to go play elsewhere.

But wait, it’s something else.

Absol has been somewhat agitated the moment they approach the cemetery, but now she cannot stop growling.

“What is it?” he asks, but it doesn’t take too long to figure out what it is. “Goddamnit.”

This is just what he needed.

He delves a hand into his pocket and whips out a thin strip of paper covered in sprawling red symbols. Bringing it to his lips, he murmurs a quick enchantment under his breath before it bursts into flames and a smoky smell permeates the air. A bright, glowing light illuminates the symbols and he promptly tosses it high into the air.

Despite the wind, it flutters limply in the breeze for a second and then the impossible happens; the glowing symbols daintily lift themselves off the surface and float in the sky. They thoroughly increase in size, the symbols imprinting the air before they vanish into wisps of smoke.

The talisman proceeds to burn up and all that is left is a crinkly ball of fire which bursts into long and thin lines of flames that zips effortlessly through the air and stretches all the way past the graveyard’s borders.

“That should do it,” Ezra murmurs before he rubs at his aching hip. “C'mon, let’s go.”

He wanders further into the graveyard with his pokemon, pondering to himself what he might find though he is aware the answer to that is essentially nothing remotely good and along the way, a few ghost pokemon emerge from the tombstones and watch them worriedly.

They’re aware of the disturbance tonight but can do little to stop it, unfortunately as it requires human intervention, and is literally out of this world.

A few Haunters point him to the right direction but he doesn’t need their help because he can sense where this unwanted and hauntingly powerful presence is. He may have lived in darkness for a long time but he can see it as clear as day: a twisting, coiling mass filled with nothing but malice.

It is also not alone for Ezra can also sense another human being; a warm and kind but very tired and exasperated soul, about to be devoured.

He hopes they’re not too late and Absol leaves his side and he can hear her padded paws bounding away from him against the pebbly path; she leaps off the ground and snaps her jaws at this person.

There is a brief howl and something weighty slams over the ground.

Absol has subdued the culprit.

Ezra arrives and his hip is still acting up but nevertheless, he limps over and he sees this little warm and pure soul squirming helplessly on the ground as it is slowly being enveloped by the dark presence.

Whoever it is, they cannot even speak, reduced to a gurgling, rasping mess.

He uses his foot to nudge at this poor, unfortunate individual that is writhing helplessly on the floor of his cemetery though he knocks over this thick, wooden plate of some sorts at the same time and there is the sound of a glass rolling.

An Ouija board.

“Help!” a girl screams. “Oh god! Help- aaaghh!”

Morbid wailing follows as she’s forced to contort under the demon’s influence and a few bones snap and she begins crying but the sound lodges in her mouth and she emits a guttural rasp, her throat rattling violently.

The old ex-priest grabs a talisman from his pocket and smacks it over her forehead which ceases her violent fits for temporary.

“Hey, kid. Sit tight, I’m gonna get it out, you hear me?”

“O-okay!” she squeaks, and though he’s surprised she can even respond, she returns to the incoherent snarling and growling. As he tries to grab her, she makes several routine attempts to bite him.

Avoiding her as much as possible, Ezra bends down and lifts her into his arms with the help of his pokemon who helps nudge her into his arms.

“Steady now,” he says as he carries her into the mausoleum, which isn’t too far ahead.

He hears her croaking and choking, fighting the entity within as he settles her into the huge stone chair inside. Absol closes the door behind them and then trots over with a thick coil of rope which she collects from one corner.

He thanks her and begins strapping the girl carefully and securely into the chair with rope, keeping her wrists and ankles bound as she kicks and flails, hurling curses and obscenities at him, screaming and roaring and shrieking in a feral manner.

His pokemon stands watch as the girl starts slamming the back of her head against the stone, growling raucously.

But Ezra remains calm and lights various rows of candles that line the walls, pulls his silver cross out and clutches it tightly in his old hands and kneels in front of the altar, his weak knees hitting the dirt. Since his vision failed him, he hasn’t moved the statue or the water trough anywhere else.

He chants a prayer under his breath and dips his fingers into the water. God bless him. God save her soul. He does the sign of the cross and then heads over to the duo and blesses his pokemon as well, which she appreciates by purring affectionately.

Grabbing an old brush, he dips it into a bucket of old red paint in the corner and begins painting a sigil on the ground as quickly as he can around the chair.

Once he’s finished, he dumps the brush to the side. He moved to stand in front of the girl who has ceased her wild shrieking in favour of hissing spitefully at him.

“Be silent,” Ezra commands in a loud, booming voice, before he tosses some of the water over her.

And so it begins.

“In nómine Pátris, et Fílii, et Spirítus Sancti. Amen,” Ezra chants with his silver cross in hand which he proceeds to thrust in front of her face, “Exsúrgat Deus et dissipéntur inimíci ejus: et fúgiant qui odérunt eum a fácie ejus. Sicut déficit fumus defíciant; sicut fluit cera a fácie ígnis.”

Outside, the muffled clap of overhead thunder can be heard, the wind howling.

He continues, “Sic péreant peccatóres a fácie Dei-“

“If you think that will stop me, you’re wrong," says a deep voice.

Dabbing his entire hand into the trough of holy water, Ezra steps forward and smears it all over her forehead before he presses the rest of his palm firmly into her face. The demon shrieks and withdraws.

That’s what you get for interrupting me, Ezra thinks to himself but ultimately cannot say aloud: he must continue the exorcism prayer regardless of how long it could take.

“Júdica Dómine nocéntes me; expúgna impugnántes me. Confundántur et revereántur quaeréntes ánimam meam,” he murmurs, “Avertántur retrórsum et confundántur, cogitántes míhi mála. Fíant táamquam púlvis ante fáciem vénti: et Ángelus Dómini coárctans eos.”

The door suddenly flies open and the brutal, icy wind swirls inside, wiping out all the flames of the candles in a split second. Absol glances around in high alert but Ezra remains still. Raindrops batter his back as the door slams in its frame repeatedly.

The walls tremble from several wicked blows as though an unseen assailant is rampaging outside, circling the mausoleum whilst repeatedly slamming a hammer against the stone, yet Ezra remains calm.

“Fiat via illórum ténebrae, et lúbricum: et Ángelus Dómini pérsequens eos. Quóniam grátis abscondérunt míhi intéritum láquei sui: supervácue exprobravérunt ánimam meam.”

Realising the priest is undeterred, the monster unleashes an unearthly howl and a glass shatters somewhere. It’s bellows and roars reverberate throughout the walls and resonates thoroughly in Ezra’s ears.

Since he lost his sight, his hearing amplified; the shrill sounds of nails scraping against the stone and the chaotic tugging of the rope rises to inescapable volumes as the demon furiously struggles against its bonds.

Ezra continues his prayer, “Véniat illi láqueus quem ignórat; et cáptio quam abscóndit, aprehéndat eum: et in láqueum cádat in ipsum-”

He briefly picks up the coppery stench of blood and very soon, a wet substance splatters over his lips and cheeks and eyelids. It laughs, and another splodge hits the side of his ear.

Raising a hand, Ezra wordlessly smothers the blood away with the back of his hand. “Ánima áutem mea exsultábit in Dómino: et delectábitur super salutári suo. Glória Pátri, et Fílio, et Spirítui Sancto.”

Then he presses his cross over the demon’s head, forcing it to shriek uncontrollably. It kicks and screams, quaking fiercely against the restraints. He applies more pressure, the cross is warm under his grip and steadily growing hotter.

To his utmost surprise, the little warm light he had seen earlier is beginning to return and it is fighting back, growing larger and larger as the seconds pass.

“Come on, kid, I know you’re still in there. You can do it!” he yells.

She keeps growling and snarling, foaming at the mouth. Gnashing her teeth repeatedly, she emits a deranged howl, struggling viciously to reach him.

“Come on! Fight it!”

The walls of the mausoleum quake violently, the ground underneath his very feet trembles. Absol starts growling, leaping around in alarm.

Ezra listens to the excruciating sound of cords straining and eventually coming undone; her fist shoots out and her fingers, sharp as claws, stabs into his gut, and twists.

He grunts with pain, but does not let go.

Easing his other hand into his pockets, he pulls out another talisman; it glows faintly from the enchantment which he promptly slaps over her forehead and with a powerful bark of “Relinquo!", a dark shadow shoots out from her body and into the air with a bloodcurdling shriek.

Freed at last, the girl keels over, her head dipped low, blood gushing from her mouth.

And Ezra stumbles backwards, lifting a bleeding hand off his stomach. He sighs heavily before he feels his head growing light, his body weightless, and he promptly collapses over the floor.

…

When he wakes up, he can feel warmth all around.

He is lying on something soft.

A bed.

He has not slept in a bed for a long time.

It smells like lavender and jasmine.

He despises it.

"You're awake!" exclaims a voice.

It's the girl from the cemetery.

Purring sounds can be heard near his bed and he reaches over; a fluffy head affectionately plops itself under his palm and rubs itself against his callused skin. Ezra grunts under his breath, groaning as he shuffles around under the blanket and attempts to reach for her, though his limbs are weary.

“Cassie,” he utters, and Absol climbs onto the bed, sprawling over him. He gently pats her head and strokes her snowy white fur.

The room is silent until he hears the legs of a chair screeching against the floor and the girl does her best to quietly leave the room. She returns in roughly half an hour however, after he’s had a check-up.

By then, he’s exhausted and wants to rest.

He hears the door squeaking open and she pokes her head in, then steps inside the room and closes the door behind her.

“What are you doing here?" he asks tiredly.

"I needed to see that you'd be okay," she says, "I thought you were dead. I'm…I’m really sorry."

"It'll take more than that to kill me."

"Thank you for saving my life."

"As long as I'm around, nothing's gonna happen to you, kid."

"Thank you, sir. Um...Can I ask you a question?"

"About what?"

"About the...demon.”

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything. I want to know if it was the one who took my sister and my father. And if it was, I want to know why it did it and I want to get them back."

“Listen, kid. Don't dabble in stuff you don't understand, especially this."

"I know and I'm so, so sorry. But…can you teach me?"

His unfazed expression doesn't change.

"Please teach me.”

He hears the chair legs squeaking again coupled with a lot of fumbling; she’s flat on the ground before him on her hands and knees. How troublesome, he thinks to himself with a sigh.

"You want to learn how to exorcise demons?" he grunts.

"Yes."

“You?”

“Yeah.”

Utterly astounded, he takes a while to reply and rubs the back of his neck. "Do you hear the kind of stuff that is coming out of your mouth right now?" he growls and she looks up, confused. "You're saying something along the lines of 'I want to destroy a creation of the universe'. Do you know how impossible and crazy that sounds? Do you?"

"A creation of the universe? Are you talking about Arceus? Why would Arceus create something like that…do you mean it’s an undiscovered pokemon of undiscovered type???”

“Hell no. Goddamnit, kid, I mean it came before Arceus.”

“What do you mean, ‘before Arceus’? Arceus came from an egg and before the egg, it was a void of nothingness-“

He sighs heavily. “There was something before Arceus, before the void. You always explain one event as being created by some earlier event, right? So before Arceus, there was some kind of infinite period where time did not exist but during this period, there was something there…do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“…Not really.”

“Exactly. You’re obviously still in shock and speaking nonsense. Go home, kid. Go back to your family.”

Yawning loudly, he pulls the blanket closer over his body and turns round in his warm and cosy bed, his back to her. He’s careful not to lie on his stomach though.

"But I'm serious," she says.

"So am I," he replies.

...

After he’s fully healed and discharged, he returns to the cemetery; the Corviknight taxi drops him off a few metres away and he taps his way across the Wild Area with Absol and his cane.

When he arrives, he realises the girl is also here.

At first, he ignored her and let her be. He did his daily caretaker duties, watering the plants, pulling weeds and sweeping the tombs.

He didn't know what she was doing here - she probably observed his daily regime - and one day she brought some cleaning supplies with her and began assisting him with the upkeep of the cemetery, especially with some of the heavy lifting.

Today, he’s forcibly awoken when he hears her sweeping the area around the mausoleum and shoving dust everywhere and he grumbles sourly under his breath. He had already told her a few times to go home but she keeps coming back. She keeps coming back to clean, to lurk around the graveyard, to help him.

“Stop that,” he snaps at her, “you’re disturbing them, and I already swept it yesterday.”

She stops dusting at some tombstones. “Sorry, I thought-”

Ezra grumbles, scrubbing at his mangy face with a dirty palm. Reaching for a beer by his calf, he grasps blindly for the can and lifts it to his mouth, downing a sip. “Get over here, kid.”

He hears her stepping towards him and he glances up, looking at this annoyingly bright light before him.

“You really wanna learn that badly, huh?”

“Yes, sir.”

“No need to be so formal, my name is Ezra.” With a heavy sigh, he dusts himself down and stands up, using his cane to support himself. “And I am…or was, the pastor of the Church of Circhester. I was also a member of the International Association of Exorcists. Do you understand who and what you’re dealing with?”

“Yes, sir – I mean, Ezra.”

“Now, tell me who you are and why I should teach you.”

He hears this little gasp of awe before she tells him her predicament. She tells him her name, who she is, where she came from, how old she is.

She rambles at some point and he has to occasionally steer her towards the focal details and periodically, she’ll become flustered, especially when speaking about the night when she saw her father and sister devoured by a Dusknoir. Once she’s finished recounting her tale, he nods.

“It was a demon, right?” she says, though she sounds unsure.

“Probably. Didn't your family have any pokemon?"

"...Sableye and Haunter went missing, and Cutiefly and Sinistea were in PC boxes," she says, "Please teach me. I want to learn."

He studies her quietly, then holds his index finger up in the air. “Fine, but I must warn you: my teachings are difficult and I’ve had several idiots coming up to me just like how you did and they’ve all failed-”

“I'm not an idiot and I won’t fail you.”

“-Yeah, let’s see about that, kid.” Holding up two fingers now, “Second, if I’m to teach you, I want you to swear to me you will take no retribution against Dusknoir. I don’t mind if you want to research one or whatever, but do not take your grudge with the pokemon. It’s nothing to do with it.”

“I understand.”

He moves on to hold up three fingers. “Third, that being said, you cannot use what you learned to harm humans or pokemon in any way. You must use it for good. I can tell you have a gift and under my guidance and training, I believe you will reach your full potential.”

“Okay.”

“Four, I will teach you with the utmost effort and I also expect to receive full commitment from yourself. I will not make do with time-wasters or mediocrity. Do you understand?”

“Yeah.”

“And lastly, promise me you will not in either way, attempt to summon entities for any reason. Do not use Ouija boards, do not dabble in sacrifice, do not try to open any portals. Hell, do not attempt any of those things.”

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”

“Now, some of my teachings are limited. I can teach you how to protect yourself and protect others. Are you happy with this, knowing that there are limitations as to what I can teach you?”

“Yes, I am.”

Ezra studies her again before he nods to himself.

He’s said quite a lot but he knows she understands. “Good,” he murmurs.

“So…when do we start?”

“We start now.”

He disappears inside the mausoleum and re-emerges with a dirty rucksack; he pulls out a tattered old journal along with an old, portable cassette player which he hands to her.

“Your first task is to read this and listen to the tapes. Learn the symbols, learn the prayers. Come back whenever you’re ready and show me what you got.”

“Got it.”

She comes back in five days, which was a lot earlier than he had expected considering his previous ‘disciples’ either came back in a week or two, and some barely returned in person, opting to hand his book and tape back by leaving it at the gates.

He hears her approaching and sits up whilst Absol sleeps in a corner, and she says, “I finished it.”

“What did you think?”

“It was interesting.“

“...You didn’t think it was disturbing?”

“No.”

There is a brief silence.

“Hm…not sure if that’s a good or bad thing,” he murmurs under his breath.

The tapes were full of recorded exorcisms, consisting of unearthly screaming, howling and shrieking courtesy of the victims.

He says, “Recite Saint Michael’s prayer to me.”

She does so, with almost near-perfect pronunciation.

Ezra listens intently and nods when she’s finished. “Not bad. Now let’s hear Signum Crucis.”

“In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancta-“

“Sancti,” he corrects her.

“Sancti,” she repeats.

“Not bad. Again.”

She recites the short prayer once more, this time with no errors.

“Gloria Patri,” he grunts out next, grabbing his beer and flipping the lid off.

And they continue going through some prayers until it’s almost sunset and she’s a little exhausted and he’s finished his pack of beer.

“You did well, kid. Come back tomorrow.”

“Really???”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you!!”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’ll be testing you on the symbols and their meanings. Then there’s a final test.”

“Okay!” she exclaims excitedly, and after exchanging some short words, she bids him farewell and he hears her leaving, her footsteps echoing loudly in the quiet graveyard.

The next day, she returns and passes the symbols assessment with flying colours as he had expected considering how quickly she’d picked up the Latin prayers.

And the next day after that, he teaches her how to use talismans.

As the weeks roll by, he continuously subjects her to tests on latin prayers and symbology. Then he teaches her some blood magic.

Soon, weeks turns to months, and she’s picked up a lot of his teachings in a short period of time, which impresses him greatly.

She begins to accompany him on exorcisms which undoubtedly at the beginning, does disturb her a little but the more she sat in and watched (and sometimes assisted with), the more she began to see such things as a normality and he also allows her to work on her own cases albeit under some guidance.

Before he knows it, he has transformed this little girl into an exorcist.

“Well done, kid. You’ve exceeded all my expectations. I’m proud of you," he says with a nod of his head.

She cheers, but then remembering her tutelage, she bows deeply with gratitude, eyes closed. “Thank you, Ezra. I wouldn’t be where I am now if it weren’t for you,” she replies, “what’s the final test?”

“Final test?”

“Yeah, you mentioned it a while ago.”

“….Hm, so I did,” he says, before he gets off the steps, dusting at his palms and weak knees. “Let me show you something. Come on, Absol.”

He motions her to follow him and he heads to two marked graves near a statue of a weeping angel which is covered in a sparse layer of moss.

She joins his side and she scans the names etched on the stone. One name in particular stands out. “Cassie??” she murmurs, before she casts a glance to the pokemon that stands by his side.

Absol looks up, and regards her with its steely blue eyes.

“My wife and daughter,” Ezra murmurs, his white gaze staring emptily into space. “This is a dark path. There will always be death. This is my final warning to you: if you choose to walk this path, be prepared to lose everything. Is this something you can do?”

There is a brief silence until she says, “Yes.”

Ezra hesitates; she observes him for any noticeable reaction but he is immobile, standing stiffly with his hands clasped together in front of him.

“...Very well," he utters. "Come with me.”

“Where to?”

“You’ll see when we get there.”

He hasn’t left the cemetery other for reasons than to go to the soup kitchen or to buy his beer and cigarettes, so he asks her to call for a Corviknight taxi since he doesn’t have a Rotom phone.

When the taxi arrives, he asks the driver to take them to the Dusty Bowl and they’re dropped off at the outskirts.

“Why are we here?” she asks, but he ignores her and begins to head for the desolate path.

She trails after him and despite being blind, she’s stunned to see that he seems to be aware a great deal of where he’s going. A sandstorm begins to rage but Ezra is unaffected and continues to wander down the plains, using his cane to avoid any obstacles such as rocks, trees or tall grass. Whilst she tries to cover her eyes, blinking through sand and grit, she helps him along the way of course, but he doesn’t seem to require her assistance at all.

Occasionally, wild pokemon will peek at them from behind the dry and crusty grass but they don’t dare to approach.

She glances around with much wariness as he leads her further and further away from the winding path, the barren wastelands, the dead trees and soon, he has led her into oblivion.

The sandstorm worsens and as she looks left, right and up, she cannot see a single damn thing in front of her; if she did not keep her gaze pinned on the ghostly silhouette of her mentor tottering in front of her a short feet away, she was certain she would have lost her way.

“Ezra, be careful!” she yells above the loud winds and the whirling sands.

“I’ll be fine,” he says, though his voice is hard to hear.

Her nerves begins to eat at her and they’ve been walking for seems like an eternity and she isn’t even sure if they’re still in the Dusty Bowl or the gym challenger’s path anymore, perhaps they’ve moved onto the Giant’s Mirror or the Stony Wilderness, but the sandstorm is endless and she calls after him once more.

“Ezra, where are you taking me?”

“Keep moving, we’re almost there,” he grunts at her in response.

Her question is finally answered when he stops in his path and grows still, holding out his arm.

“Wait.”

She watches him, listening, but nothing happens.

“Okay, come over here.”

There is a bad feeling in her gut as she sidles up to him and to her utmost surprise, the sandstorm begins to subside, revealing a large cenote before them.

Her eyes widen.

He’s standing at the very edge, his foot shoving some rocks and dust into the large pit before them; if he had taken one step further, he would’ve fallen inside. She looks around in shock. The sandstorm had disappeared in a blink of an eye, instead it had been replaced with a lingering misty fog that surrounded them. She knew the Wild Area was erratic but this weather was abnormal to the extreme.

Her shocked gaze strays to the blind man. His glazed eyes are focused in front of him, oblivious to the deep.

“I want you to go in there,” he says.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes,” he mutters. “You can take the stairs.”

He nudges his head to the right where a spiralling ‘staircase’ consisting of huge, mismatched slabs of rocks sticking out from the walls of the pit appear to offer a way down inside.

“Do you wish to turn back?” he asks, sensing her hesitation.

“No.”

“I’ll be right behind you.”

She nods and steps towards the first rock, which is dusty and covered with yellowing grass, and she uses one foot to test out the footing, giving it a few stern prods with her toes. The rock seems stubborn enough and once she deems it safe, she makes her way down.

It’s steep and she carefully tackles each step one by one, having to hold onto some dry vines that dangle and stick out of the edges of the wall until she arrives at the bottom of the pit.

Looking up and around, the sky is painted a strange and ethereal purplish, blue glow… perhaps from the aurora borealis, though she’s never seen it warp into this sort of shade before. Usually it is a streak of colours in the night sky…neither a star can be seen in sight either.

She also realises the pit isn’t as deep as she thought. She’s fairly certain gym challengers would never find this place nor would anyone in the right mind would even want to go in here.

She steps closer towards the middle of the pit, her feet crunching under gravel and stones, and stares at the walls of the pit.

There is an entrance, resembling a zigzagged slit in the wall. It’s big enough for a lone individual to slip inside but that’s just about it. She cannot see what’s inside; it is far too dark.

“Is this a pokemon den?” she asks, gesturing to the entrance.

“No.”

Her mentor’s voice sounded very close; she promptly turns to see Ezra hobbling behind her. “That was quick.”

“Give me a second,” he mutters as he brushes past her and steps towards the large and gaping hole in the wall, stopping just a foot or so away. “Stay there and don’t move, don’t make a sound.”

She goes silent, and she did not dare to peel her eyes away from the cave entrance where a figure is emerging from within.

A withered-looking Lucario with a greying muzzle and dirty golden fur steps outside and into the pit, wielding a wooden staff that is as tall as itself. It's what trainers coin as a 'shiny' pokemon, and these pokemon are extremely rare, especially in the wild. Puzzled, she watches as the pokemon greets her mentor.

Ezra's mouth moves but she cannot hear what he’s saying.

Then he stops and Lucario nods, and the man and pokemon turn to glance at her direction.

She strains to hear what they could possibly be conversing yet there is nothing, not even a pokemon cry, not the slightest rustle of the wind. Nothing.

It is silent.

The silence is suffocating to say the least and eventually, Lucario nods his head after the prolonged period of stillness. The pokemon turns and returns into the cave, disappearing into the darkness.

Placing his cane on the ground in front of him, he balances his palms over the handle. “Lucario has granted you entry.”

“…What?” she asks, a little anxiously.

Inhaling silently, Ezra replies, “There are greater things in our universe, greater than you and me. Even greater than pokemon.”

“What’s going on? What is a Lucario doing all the way out here? Where’s his trainer?”

“He doesn’t have one. This is his home,” Ezra mutters. “Now listen carefully. This is Gossamer Cave. A relic can be found here. A long time ago, I used it to destroy a demon that terrorised my wife and child. However, it is a highly dangerous weapon and you have to be ready to wield it, to understand its power and origins. If this is something you want, then you must go inside and fetch it.”

There are questions buzzing aplenty in her mind. “What does it look like?”

“You’ll know when you see it. My question for you is, do you wish to wield such a weapon? You might not like what you find out.” He mutters, before stepping aside, allowing her entry regardless of her response, regardless if she goes in or not.

She bites down on her lip anxiously but he does not offer any further words, no further advice or warning. She ponders to herself briefly, thinking about her parents, her sister and how they are all depending on her. Although she is nervous, she must cast aside these sinking feelings and surpass. She must be brave when no-one else is, when no-one else can. She must do it for them.

"I'm going in," she declares, and she passes him and enters the cave without further ado.

It’s dark.

She's greeted with the hypnotic splash of water dripping from the ceiling onto the floor and the marauding howl of the wind from outside that echoes and slips through the cave.

Lucario sits on a large rock to the left with the wooden staff balanced over its paws. It’s eyes are closed, deep in meditation. As she passes by, it does not acknowledge her presence.

Expecting Zubats or some other types of cave-dwelling pokemon, she’s stunned to see it is devoid of any other critter except from the aura pokemon.

A linear path lies ahead but she hits a dead-end.

Confused, she pats the wall in front of her, looking up and around. She checks for any cracks, any hidden passages. She checks every nook and cranny and leaves no stone upturned. She raps her knuckles over the walls, hoping for a hollow thud, a secret trap door perhaps?

There is nothing.

Disappointed and perplexed, she returns to the entrance.

“There’s nothing there," she says.

“I see. Then it’s not time yet. You still need more training, kid. You have a long way to go.” Ezra replies, unsurprised.

“I really don’t understand.”

“When you hear it, you will.”

“Hear what?”

“Tell me when you do, okay?”

Frustrated, she says, “Stop being so cryptic! What’s in the cave? What’s this relic?”

“You’ll find out when you’re ready. For now, forget what you saw and focus on your training. Focus on getting better, then you can come back.”

“Fine.”

Slipping his hands into the pockets of his withered coat, he begins to leave. She follows him with a sigh, mostly out of exasperation. Before she leaves however, she tosses a quick glance over her shoulder towards the abyss.

She was expecting to see something, maybe a shadow or a little flicker of light, maybe Lucario would come out again.

However, there is nothing.

...

Present.

You’ve grown quiet.

Leon watches as your brows scrunch with confusion, your expression souring. “What’s wrong?”

“Gossamer Cave,” you utter, before you grab his arm and exclaim loudly, “Gossamer Cave! That's it, Leon!"

Releasing him, you stand up, rush up the stairs and towards the bookshelves; he follows, watching you stop at a random shelf before you speedily skim through the books on the shelf, inspecting the titles quickly.

“Aha,” you murmur under your breath, pulling out a thick and burly red book from its place; it is an atlas of the Wild Area.

You beckon him over as you open the book, unfolding it to its full proportion over the floor. It’s not the most updated map but it’ll do for now.

Leon squats down beside you as you flip through the pages.

“Ezra took me to a place called Gossamer Cave ages ago. I can’t believe I forgot all about it. We took a Corviknight taxi, got off at the Dusty Bowl and we walked for a long time and there was a sandstorm, and then all of a sudden he stopped at a large pit. I’m supposed to tell Ezra when I start hearing things. He was so cryptic I didn’t understand what he meant back then but now I do. I can understand Gengar; I can hear what he says. That’s what Ezra meant. Leon, I’m ready.”

“Ready?” he murmurs, as you finally pinpoint the location on the map and begin scouring the page.

You nod. “I’m ready to face it -- whatever it was that took my family away. I can fight it now. I just need to find Gossamer Cave.”

Leon’s expression is a conflicted one. “When the officials mapped out the Wild Area for the gym challenge, they never found any place called Gossamer Cave.”

“It must be there, I saw it with my own eyes. It was a cenote, but there was this entrance that led to a cave and I went in. It was guarded by a Lucario, and a shiny one too,” you reply, “I need to find it. There’s something there, and it will help me.”

…

Meanwhile, in Greyson’s cemetery, Absol has been biting and tugging at his coat all night, in a vain effort to force him to get up and leave. She has sensed something. However, Ezra merely chills on the steps, drinking his beer and she gives up, having grown rather weary, and has settled to curl up next to him. It’s then his ears pick up the sounds of footsteps a distance away.

The footsteps stop; a lone individual stands a foot away from him.

“Hello, you must be the exorcist of Greyson’s cemetery,” says a distorted, muffled voice. "Remember me?"

The voice is unrecognisable. Ezra inhales deeply, scrunching the beer can under his fist. “…Something I can help you with?”

“Yes,” the voice leers. “You can die right here and now!”

A massive unseen force promptly smashes the steps of the mausoleum in half, sending stone and debris flying into the air; it stands, retracting its claws with a grin as the dust clears away, before peeking left and right.

Ezra has disappeared.

“Where are you,” it hisses with a chuckle as it lifts up rocks and debris, flinging them to the side and digging its claws into the earth, cackling with mirth, “Where are you, exorcist?? Come out, come out, wherever you are. I won't hurt you - much.”

A growl emits from behind and captures its attention; as it turns, it is swiftly knocked off its feet as a white and black blur slams into its body and sends it flying into a cluster of tombstones. Absol lands on her paws with a growl as Ezra appears from behind the fountain, unharmed.

“Good job, Absol,” he murmurs, his eyes narrowing at the entity that struggles to get up. “Percutiet.”

Sending a talisman at its direction, the little paper automatically attaches itself to the entity’s head and administers a painful shock. The entity roars with pain briefly before erupting into a fit of hoarse, mocking laughter.

“I know it’s you, Spiritomb,” Ezra says. "Use Slash.”

Absol’s attack connects with a loud thump and all goes still. Shortly, a harrowing shriek of pain shatters the silence. Ezra recalls the talisman; it disappears into thin air in little wisps and the man sprawled over the tombstones grunts and groans as he sits up, rubbing his injured chest in agony.

“Huh? What…? Where am I? What happened…? Um, what am I doing here…?” he mutters, disoriented.

...

#jeralee #fic #fanfic #reader #reader insert #leon x reader #thank you!#leon x you #leon #dande #pkmn #pokemon #pokemonsword #pokemonshield #pokemonswordandshield #pokemonshieldsword #pokemonshieldandsword #Comfort in Despair #archive of our own

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cielrouge · 5 years ago

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2019 YA Reads by Authors of Color

96 Words for Love by Rachel Roy - While exploring her grandmother's past at an ashram in India with her cousin Anandi, Raya finds herself and, perhaps, true love in this modern retelling of the legend of Dushyanta and Shakuntala.

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The Beauty of the Moment by Tanaz Bhathena - Saudi-Canadian Susan is the new girl. Malcolm is the bad boy. Susan’s parents are on the verge of divorce. Malcolm’s dad is a known adulterer. Susan hasn’t told anyone, but she wants to be an artist. Malcolm doesn’t know what he wants—until he meets her. Love is messy and families are messier, but in spite of their burdens, Susan and Malcolm fall for each other.

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Children of Virtue and Vengeance (Legacy of Orïsha #2) by Tomi Adeyemi - After battling the impossible, Zélie and Amari have finally succeeded in bringing magic back to the land of Orïsha. But with civil war looming on the horizon, Zélie finds herself at a breaking point: she must discover a way to bring the kingdom together or watch as Orïsha tears itself apart.

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Color Outside the Lines edited by Sangu Madanna - A groundbreaking YA anthology explores the complexity and beauty of interracial and LGBTQ+ relationships where differences are front and center.

Dealing in Dreams by Lilliam Rivera - 16-year-old Nalah leads the fiercest all-girl crew in Mega City, but when she sets her sights on giving this life up for a prestigious home in Mega Towers, she must decide if she's willing to do the unspeakable to get what she wants.

Dear Haiti, Love Alaine by Maika & Maritza Moulite - Told in epistolary style through letters, articles, emails, and diary entries, when a school presentation goes very wrong, Haitan-American Alaine Beauparlant finds herself suspended, shipped off to Haiti, and writing the report of a lifetime.

Descendant of the Crane by Joan He - In this Chinese-inspired fantasy, Princess Hesina of Yan is thrust into power when her beloved father is murdered, and she's determined to find his killer--whatever the cost.

Don’t Date Rosa Santos by Nina Moreno - Rosa Santos is cursed by the sea-at least, that's what they say. Dating her is bad news, especially if you're a boy with a boat. As her college decision looms, Rosa collides - literally - with Alex Aquino, the mysterious boy with tattoos of the ocean whose family owns the marina. With her heart, her family, and her future on the line, can Rosa break a curse and find her place beyond the horizon.

The Downstairs Girl by Stacey Lee - In 1890, Atlanta, 17-year-old Jo Kuan works as a lady's maid, but by night, Jo moonlights as newspaper advice columnist "Dear Miss Sweetie." When her efforts put Jo in the crosshairs of Atlanta's most notorious criminal, she must decide whether she, a girl used to living in the shadows, is ready to step into the light

A Dream So Dark by L.L. McKinney - Still reeling from her recent battle (and grounded until she graduates) Alice must cross the Veil to rescue her friends and stop the Black Knight once and for all in Wonderland.

Eclipse the Stars by Maura Milan - Criminal mastermind and unrivaled pilot Ia Ccha and her allies make unpredictable choices as they fight to keep darkness from eclipsing the skies.

The Everlasting Rose by Dhonielle Clayton - Camille, Edel, and Remy, aided by The Iron Ladies and backed by alternative newspaper The Spider's Web, race to outwit Sophia, find Princess Charlotte, and return her to Orléans.

Fake It Till You Break It by Jenn P. Nguyen - Neighbors Mia and Jake pretend to fake date to get their respective mothers off their back. All they have to do is pretend to date and then stage the worst breakup of all time. The only problem is, maybe Jake and Mia don’t hate each other as much as they once thought.

Far From Agrabah by Aisha Saeed - On an adventure in a fantastical kingdom, Aladdin and Jasmine get caught up in the magic therein. But soon sinister outside forces come into play, threatening to strand them there forever.

The Field Guide to the North American Teenager by Ben Philippe - When Norris, a Black French Canadian, starts his junior year at an Austin, Texas, high school, he views his fellow students as clichés from "a bad 90s teen movie."

Firestarter (Timekeeper #3) by Tara Sim - Colton, Daphne, and the others must choose between those striving to take down the world's clock towers so that time can run freely, and terrorists trying to bring back the lost god of time.

Five Dark Fates (Three Dark Crowns #4) by Kendare Blake - In this conclusion to the Three Dark Crowns series, three dark sisters will rise to fight as the secrets of Fennbirn’s history are laid bare. Allegiances will shift. Bonds will be tested, and some broken forever.

Five Midnights by Ann Davila Cardinal - If Lupe Dávila and Javier Utierre can survive each other’s company, together they can solve a series of grisly murders sweeping though Puerto Rico. But the clues lead them out of the real world and into the realm of myths and legends.

Forward Me Back to You by Mitali Perkins - Told in separate voices, Kat and Robin leave Boston on a church mission to help combat human trafficking in India while Kat recovers from a sexual assault and Robin seeks his birth mother.

Frankly in Love by David Yoon - Korean-American Frank Li Frank falls for Brit Means, who is smart, beautiful–and white. Fellow Limbo Joy Song is in a similar predicament, and so they make a pact: they’ll pretend to date each other. Frank thinks it’s the perfect plan, but in the end, Frank and Joy’s fake-dating maneuver leaves him wondering if he ever really understood love–or himself–at all.

Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett - HIV-positive teen Simone Garcia-Hampton must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love--and lust--for the first time.

The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi - Paris, 1889: Treasure-hunter and wealthy hotelier, Séverin Montagnet-Alarie gets the chance of a lifetime when the all-powerful society, the Order of Babel, seeks him out for help in exchange for a priceless treasure: his true inheritance.

The Girl King by Mimi Yu - Sisters Lu and Min become unwitting rivals in a war to claim the title of Emperor.

Girls of Storm and Shadow (Girls of Paper and Fire #2) by Natasha Ngan - After escaping the Hidden Palace, Lei and her warrior love Wren must travel the kingdom to gain support from the far-flung rebel clans.

The Grief Keeper by Alexandra Villasante - To have her family’s asylum request accepted, 17-year-old Marisol participates in a risky experiment to become a grief keeper, taking another’s grief into her own body to save a life.

His Hideous Heart edited by Dahlia Adler - 13 of YA’s most celebrated names reimagine Edgar Allan Poe’s most surprising, unsettling, and popular tales for a new generation.

A House of Rage and Sorrow (Celestial Trilogy #2) by Sangu Mandanna - As gods, beasts, and kingdoms choose sides, Alexi seeks out a weapon more devastating than even Titania. The House of Rey is at war. And the entire galaxy will bleed before the end.

How to Be Remy Cameron by Julian Winters - When Remy is assigned to write an essay describing himself, he goes on a journey to reconcile the labels that people have attached to him, and get to know the real Remy Cameron.

Hungry Hearts: 13 Tales of Food & Love edited by Elsie Chapman & Caroline Tung Richmond - Interconnected short stories that explore the intersection of family, culture, and food in the lives of thirteen teens.

I Hope You Get This Message by Farah Naz Rishi - When news stations start reporting that Earth has been contacted by a planet named Alma, the world is abuzz with rumors that the alien entity is giving mankind only few days to live. And with only seven days to face their truths and right their wrongs, Jesse, Cate, and Adeem’s paths collide even as their worlds are pulled apart.

I Love You So Mochi by Sarah Kuhn - Japanese-American fashionista Kimi Nakamura who journeys to Japan on a quest of self-discovery after her college plans fall apart; along the way, she reconnects with her estranged grandparents and finds romance with a handsome med student Akira who moonlights as a costumed mochi mascot.

I Wanna Be Where You Are by Kristina Forest - Chloe Pierce’s chasing her ballet dreams down the east coast— with two unwanted (but kinda cute) passengers in her car, butterflies in her stomach, and a really dope playlist.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver - Non-binary teen Ben De Backer is kicked out by their parents after coming out, but learns that sometimes from disaster one can build a happier new life,

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann - Winnie dreams of someday inheriting the family diner—but it'll go away if they can't make money, and fast. Winnie has a solution—win a televised cooking competition and make bank.

In the Key of Nira Ghani by Natasha Deen - Guyanese-American Nira Ghani struggles with parental expectations and her love for jazz.

Internment by Samira Ahmed - Set in a near future in the United States where Muslim Americans are forced into an internment camp, 17-year-old Layla Amin must fight against Islamophobia, oppression, and complicit silence.

Inventing Victoria by Tonya Bolden - In 1880s Savannah, Dorcas Vashton offers Essie an offer she can't refuse, she becomes Victoria. Transformed by a fine wardrobe, a classic education, and the rules of etiquette, Victoria is soon welcomed in the upper echelons of black society in Washington, D. C. But when the life she desires is finally within her grasp, Victoria must decide how much of herself she is truly willing to surrender.

It’s a Whole Spiel: Love, Latkes & Other Jewish Stories edited by Katherine Locke & Laura Silverman - Get ready to fall in love, experience heartbreak, and discover the true meaning of identity in this poignant collection of short stories about Jewish teens.

Kick the Moon by Muhammad Khan - 15-year-old Ilyas finds a kindred spirit in Kelly Matthews during detention. But when Kelly catches the eye of one of the local bad boys, Imran, he decides to seduce her for a bet. Standing up to Imran puts Ilyas’ family at risk, but it’s time for him to be the superhero he draws in his comic-books, and go kick the moon.

A Kingdom for the Stage (For A Muse of Fire #2) by Heidi Heilig - The rebels are eager to use Le Trépas’s and necromancer Jetta’s combined magic against the invading colonists. Soon Jetta will face the choice between saving all of Chakrana or becoming like her father, and she isn’t sure which she’ll choose.

Kingdom of Souls by Rena Barron - Set in a West African-inspired fantasy kingdom, Arrah comes from a long line of powerful witchdoctors, yet fails at magic. When Arrah trade years off her life for magic to stop the Demon King from destroying the world—that is if it doesn't kill her first.

Kings, Queens, and Everything in Between by Tanya Boteju - 17-year-old, biracial, queer girl Nina Kumara-Clark is plunged into the delirious world of drag where she has the chance to explore questions of identity and love.

The Last 8 by Laura Pohl - Young Latina pilot Clover Martinez finds herself grounded and alone after a devastating alien attack, but soon finds hope in an unlikely group of survivors who aren't what they seem.

Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me by Mariko Tamaki - Teenager Frederica Riley undergoes what might possibly be the most epically complicated breakup in lesbian history -- or at least it feels that way

The Light At the Bottom of the World by London Shah - Set in a future where the Earth is underwater, Leyla McQueen must navigate the treacherous abyss to find her missing father, but discovers a world drowning in lies.

Like A Love Story by Abdi Nazemian - It's 1989 in New York City, three teens, Reza, Judy, and Art cross paths. Judy has never imagined finding romance...until she falls for Reza and they start dating. But as Reza and Art grow closer, Reza struggles to find a way out of his deception that won't break Judy's heart--and destroy the most meaningful friendship he's ever known.

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali by Sabina Khan - After she’s caught kissing her girlfriend by her conservative Muslim parents, Rukhsana Ali whisked off from Seattle to Bangladesh, where she must find the courage to fight for her love, but can she do so without losing everyone and everything in her life?

Love from A to Z by S.K. Ali - 18-year-old Muslims Adam and Zayneb meet in Doha, Qatar, during spring break and fall in love as both struggle to find a way to live their own truths.

Love Me or Miss Me by Dream Jordan - Kate's fantasy life of having the perfect family comes to an abrupt end when she is suddenly forced to return to the group home. Alone and vulnerable, Kate falls for the ever so gorgeous Percy who treats her well at first, but soon a cycle of controlling and abusive behavior begins. Will she be able to escape Percy's clutches?

The Magnolia Sword: A Ballad of Mulan by Sherry Thomas - As they cross the Great Wall to face the enemy beyond, Mulan and the princeling must find a way to unwind their past, unmask a traitor, and uncover the plans for the Rouran invasion . . . before it's too late.

A Match Made in Mehendi by Nandini Bajpai - 15-year-old Indian-American Simran “Simi” Sangha, who comes from a long line of matchmakers, decides to try to gain high school popularity using her family's matchmaking traditions to create a dating app.

The Never Tilting World by Rin Chupeco - In a world ruled by goddesses that has been split in two—one half existing in perpetual scorching Day, the other in freezing Night—twins separated at birth Odessa and Haidee embark on a quest across the great divide and rule a reunited world.

No One Here is Lonely by Sarah Everett - After having her heart so broken, Eden resorts to having her memories erased instead.

Nocturna by Maya Motayne - In a Latinx-inspired kingdom of Castallan, face-changing thief Finn Voy and grief-stricken Prince Alfehr must race to vanquish a dark magic they have accidentally unleashed.

Not Your Backup by C.B. Lee (Sidekick Squad #3) - As the Resistance moves to challenge the corrupt League of Heroes, Emma Robledo realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front.

Oh My Gods by Alexandra Sheppard - Half-mortal teenager Helen Thomas goes to live with her father—who is Zeus, masquerading as a university professor—and must do her best to keep the family secret intact.

On the Come Up by Angie Thomas - When 16-year-old Bri, an aspiring rapper, pours her anger and frustration into her first song, she finds herself at the center of a controversy.

Once & Future by Amy Rose Capetta & Cori McCarthy - In this Arthurian retelling set in space, King Arthur is reincarnated as 17-year-old Ari, a female king whose quest is to stop a tyrannical corporate government, aided by a teenaged Merlin.

Opposite of Always by Justin A. Reynolds - After falling for Kate, her unexpected death sends Jack back in time to the moment they first met, but he soon learns that his actions have unintended consequences.

Our Wayward Fate by Gloria Chao - 17-year-old teen outcast Ali Chu is simultaneously swept up in a whirlwind romance and down a rabbit hole of dark family secrets when another Taiwanese family moves to her small, predominantly white Midwestern town.

Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribar - When 17-year-old Jay Reguero learns his Filipino cousin and former best friend, Jun, was murdered as part of President Duterte's war on drugs, he flies to the Philippines to learn more.

Permanent Record by Mary H.K. Choi - Brooklyn bodega worker Pablo crosses paths & falls in love with multi-platinum recording artist Leanna Smart.

Rated by Melissa Grey - For the students at the prestigious Maplethorpe Academy, every single thing they do is reflected in their Ratings System. But when an act of vandalism sullies the front doors of the school, it sets off a chain reaction that will shake the lives of six special students -- and the world beyond.

Teen Titans: Raven by Kami Garcia - When a tragic accident takes the life of the only family she's ever known, 16-year-old Raven is sent to New Orleans to start over. She soon discovers that she can hear the thoughts of others around her...and another, more disturbing, voice in her head.

Rebel (Legend #4) by Marie Lu - Brothers Eden and Daniel Wing struggle to accept who they’ve each become since their time in the Republic, but a new danger creeps into the distance that’s grown between them. Eden soon finds himself drawn so far into Ross City’s dark side, even his legendary brother can’t save him. At least not on his own.

The Revolution of Birdie Randolph by Brandy Colbert - Dove “Birdie” Randolph maintains a close bond with her parents until first love and a family secret threatens to tear them apart.

The Rise of Kyoshi by F.C. Yee - The never-before-told backstory of Avatar Kyoshi, from a girl of humble origins to the merciless pursuer of justice who is still feared and admired centuries after she became the Avatar.

A River of Royal Blood by Amanda Joy - A North African-inspired feminist fantasy in which two sisters, Eva and Isa must compete in a magical duel to the death for the right to inherit the queendom of Myre.

Rogue Heart (Rebel Seoul #2) by Axie Oh - Two years after the Battle of Neo Seoul, 18-year-old telepath Ama must use her telepathic abilities to infiltrate the base of the Alliance’s new war commander, Alex Kim, her first love who betrayed her. Will she be able to carry out her task? Or will she give up everything for Alex again—only to be betrayed once more?

Ruse (Want #2) by Cindy Pon - In near-future Shanghai where society is divided between the fabulously wealthy business elite and the masses they exploit, Jason Zhou must play a dangerous cat and mouse game with the ruthless CEO of an all powerful corporation which has an ever-growing choke hold on the polluted metropolis.

Soaring Earth by Margarita Engle - In this memoir, Young People’s Poet Laureate Margarita Engle recounts her teenage years during the turbulent 1960s between Cuba and America.

Shadow Frost by Coco Ma - When Asterin Faelenhart, Princess of Axaria and heir to the throne, discovers that she may hold the key to defeating the demon terrorizing her kingdom, she vows not to rest until the beast is slain.

Take the Mic: Fictional Stories About Everyday Resistance edited by Bethany C. Morrow - A YA anthology focused on a collection of fictional stories of everyday resistance.

The Shadow Glass (Bone Witch #3) by Rin Chupeco - Bone witch Tea's dark magic eats away at her, but she must save the one she loves most, even while her life—and the kingdoms—are on the brink of destruction.

Shatter the Sky by Rebecca Kim Wells - Maren, desperate to save her kidnapped girlfriend Kaia, plans to steal one of the emperor's dragons and storm the Aurati stronghold, but her success depends on becoming an apprentice to the mysterious dragon trainer, which proves to be a dangerous venture.

SLAY by Brittney Morris - Black video game developer Kiera Johnson battles a real-life troll intent on ruining the Black Panther-inspired video game she created, and the safe community it represents for black gamers.

Somewhere Only We Know by Maurene Goo - In Hong Kong, k-pop star Lucky who'd like to be anyone else meets charming con-boy Jack, looking for a big break to impress his paparazzo father. When sparks ignite, the two must decide if they can risk it all for each other.

Song of the Abyss (Towers of Wind #2) by Makiia Lucier - When menacing raiders attack her ship, navigator Reyna must use every resource at her disposal, including placing her trust in a handsome prince from a rival kingdom.

Song of the Crimson Flower by Julie C. Dao - After cruelly rejecting Bao, the poor physician's apprentice who loves her, Lan, a wealthy nobleman's daughter, regrets her actions. After learning that Bao’s soul has been trapped inside a flute by a witch, Lan vows to make amends and help break the spell.

Soul of the Sword (Shadow of the Fox #2) by Julie Kagawa - As the paths of Yumeko and the possessed Tatsumi cross once again, the entire empire will be thrown into chaos.

Spin the Dawn by Elizabeth Lim - 17-year-old Maia Tamarin poses as a boy to compete for the role of imperial tailor, and embarks on an impossible journey to sew three magic dresses, from the sun, the moon, and the stars, with help from the mysterious court magician, Edan.

Spin by Lamar Giles - When DJ ParSec, rising star of the local music scene, is found dead over her turntables, the two girls who found her, Kya and Fuse, are torn between grief for Paris and hatred for each other--but when the investigation stalls, they unite, determined to find out who murdered their friend.

The Stars the Blackness Between Them by Junauda Petraus - Audre from Trinidad and Mabel from Minneapolis, fall in love and create magic at the same time they learn one of them might not have long to live.

Stronger Than A Bronze Dragon by Mary Fan - In this steampunk fantasy set in Qing dynasty-inspired China, warrior girl Anlei teams up with a thief to save her village from shadow spirits, but after arriving at the Courts of Hell, a discovery challenges everything they know about who the real enemy is.

Symptoms of a Heartbreak by Sonia Charaipotra - The youngest doctor in America, Indian-American teen Saira makes her rounds―and falls head over heels in this romantic comedy.

Tell Me How You Really Feel by Aminah Mae Safi - Sana Khan and Rachel Recht, on opposite sides of the social scale must work together to make a movie and try very hard not to fall in love.

The Things She’s Seen by Ambelin & Ezekiel Kwaymullina - As Beth Teller and her father unravel a mystery, they find a shocking and heartbreaking story lurking beneath the surface of a small town, and a friendship that lasts beyond one life and into another...

There’s Something About Sweetie (When Dimple Met Rishi #3) by Sandhya Menon - Told in two voices, disappointed-in-love Ashish Patel and self-proclaimed fat athlete Sweetie Nair begin to find their true selves while dating under contract.

This Time Will Be Different by Misa Sugiura - 17-year-old CJ Katsuyama’s mom decides to sell her family’s flower shop—to the family who swindled CJ’s grandparents during WWII Internment. Soon a rift threatens to splinter CJ’s family, friends, and their entire Northern California community; and for the first time, CJ has found something she wants to fight for.

A Thousand Fires by Shannon Price - In modern-day San Francisco where three gangs rule the city streets, half-Filipina teen Valerie Simons enters the Red Bridge Wars to seek vengeance for her younger brother's death, but soon finds herself torn between old love and new loyalty.

The Tiger at Midnight by Swati Teerdhala - In ancient India, soldier Kunal hunts the “Viper,” rebel girl Esha accused of killing his General, embarking on a dangerous cat and mouse game and where both must decide—loyalty to their old lives or to a love that's made them dream of new ones.

Truly, Madly, Royally by Debbie Riguad - When Prince Owen invites Zora Emerson to be his date at his big brother's big royal wedding, Zora is suddenly thrust into the spotlight, along with her family and friends.

The Universal Laws of Marco by Carmen Rodrigues - Told through the lens of a guy in love with the cosmos (and maybe two girls), this story explores the complicated histories that bring us together and tear us apart.

Virtually Yours by Sarvenz Tash - NYU freshman Mariam Vakilian tries out a virtual reality dating app, only to be matched up with the high school ex she's still not over. Mariam’s heart is telling her one thing, but the app is telling her another. So, which should she trust? Is all fair in modern love?

The Voice in My Head by Dana L. Davis - When a sequence of wrenching secrets detonates, Indigo must figure out how to come to terms with her twin sister Violet, her family…and the voice in her head.

War Girls by Tochi Onyebuchi - Set in a futuristic, Black Panther-inspired Nigeria, sisters Onyii and Ify, separated by a devastating civil war, must fight their way back to each other against all odds.

Watch Us Rise by Renee Watson & Ellen Hagan - Jasmine and Chelsea start a Women's Rights Club and soon go viral. But with such positive support, the club is also targeted by online trolls. When things escalate, the principal shuts the club down. Jasmine and Chelsea will risk everything for their voices—and those of other young women—to be heard.

What Makes You Beautiful by Bridget Liang - Encouraged and supported by his friends at school, Logan begins questioning his gender. Realizing they are not a gay boy, but a transgender girl, Logan asks for people to call them Veronica. As a girl, does Veronica stand a chance with straight boy Kyle?

We Hunt the Flame by Hafsah Faizal - In a world inspired by ancient Arabia, 17-year-old huntress Zafira must disguise herself as a man to seek a lost artifact that could return magic to her cursed world.

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia - Set at the Medio School for Girls, where young women are trained to become one of two wives assigned to high society men; with revolution brewing in the streets, star student Daniela Vargas fights to protect a destructive secret, sending her into the arms of the most dangerous person possible—the second wife of her husband-to-be.

The Weight of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf - A music-loving teen with OCD does everything she can to find her way back to her mother during the historic race riots in 1969 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

When the Stars Lead to You by Ronni Davis - 18-year-old Devon longs for two things.The stars. And the boy she fell in love with last summer. Senior year, Ashton shows up on the first day of school. Can she forgive him and open her heart again? Or are they doomed to repeat history?

Wicked Fox by Kat Cho - After 18-year-old Miyoung Gu, a nine-tailed fox surviving in modern-day Seoul by eating the souls of evil men, kills a murderous goblin to save Jihoon, she is forced to choose between her immortal life and his.

With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo - With her daughter to care for and her abuela to help support, high school senior and aspiring chef Emoni Santiago has to make the tough decisions. But even with all the rules she has for her life — and all the rules everyone expects her to play by — once Emoni starts cooking, her only real choice is to let her talent break free.

You Must Be Layla by Yasmin Abdel-Magied - Layla's mind goes a million miles a minute, so does her mouth. Despite the setback of a high school suspension, Layla's determined to show everyone that she does deserve her scholarship and sets her sights on winning a big invention competition. But where to begin? Looking outside and in, Layla will need to come to terms with who she is and who she wants to be if she has any chance of succeeding.

#authors of color #book recommendations #yalit #women of color authors #AWW YISSS IT'S MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN!!!

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literalliterature · 4 years ago

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7/4/20: On Lilapsophobia

A few days ago, I learned the term "extinction burst." For one thing, it's now on my list of Potential Album Titles Referencing Terminology Used To Describe Grand Dyings, which is a longer list than you might think, especially for someone who doesn't have a band. It's up there with phrases like "Lazarus taxon" and "high place phenomenon." A species turning up after being presumed extinct, the seemingly sourceless urge to jump when faced with a cliff edge. Things disappearing, but not fading. They go out wilder than that.

An extinction burst doesn't, in fact, have to do with the extinction of species at all. I learned it from a video on dog training. I should say I learned the phrase itself that way, because I've known about the concept for awhile, because I am my own bad dog. An extinction burst occurs when you're trying to break an animal of a bad habit and it gets worse before it gets better. At first it only seems to bark louder or pull harder at the leash, trying to use the only way it knows to get what it wants. The first step in training the begging or the braying out of a dog is to break it of the belief that there is no other way.

Today, I paced around the coffee table for twenty minutes and felt my insides stirring with every rumble of thunder. I wished I'd had pointed ears that I could lay back flat and a long tongue that quivered with hot, humid hyperventilation. I wished for a den. But what I did was leave foot-sweat on the living room hardwood and think how, if I heard the tornado sirens, I would have to walk straight and sound level when I faced my roommate to tell him that we should go to the underground laundry room.

I understand dogs better than people, and I'm no exception. I understand myself better as a dog than as a person, and a little dog at that--a Chihuahua or maybe some small terrier, something that shakes for no reason. It doesn't make sense to me that I always feel the urge to take the train north just to avoid an oncoming storm they've seen on the radar. (As I hope everyone knows, just about any form of transport is a death trap in a twister, and you're better off lying down in a ditch than trying to outrun one.) But I don't question it when I hear about pets bolting at the sound of fireworks. No one does. That's the thing about a dog hiding under the bed every Fourth of July until the end of its days. The fact that the noise has never actually hurt the dog will not teach it to fear less. As far as it's concerned, every time it's been worried about the boom, it's ultimately been safe. Worrying, then, is the only way.

The cold front's now just about passed, and there was no tornado. They haven't even issued a warning for the area today--certainly didn't during the couple hours I curled up on the floor of the tub with the Accuweather app and twenty nigh-empty shampoo bottles. Believe it or not, I'm getting better. As a kid, I'd start watching the Weather Channel for a couple hours daily beginning in March and memorize the weekly forecast from their Local on the 8's. That way, if they projected a severe weather event, I'd be able to start stockpiling throw pillows in the basement bathroom as soon as possible, should they be needed for head coverings--most fatal injuries in a tornado occur from flying or falling debris to the head, I internally recited over and over again. I'd also matter-of-factly let my parents know ahead of time to cancel any plans they had for going outside at any point during that day. A supercell could spin up at any time in an unstable atmosphere, I'd inform. But they usually did not see fit to stay home from their jobs.

Now it's not such a process. Sometimes, these days, I can go all the way up until the day of a severe storm before the anxiety starts to make me nauseated. Then I'm happy to sit with my bicycle helmet snug at my side, waiting to bolt into the innermost room of my dwelling.

Besides, I like the tub. We should've never stopped living in tight little dens. I like to curl up with my knees to my chest on the porcelain and wonder if they make ThunderShirts for people.

I refresh the radar map. Dread comes in rainbow blobs. If I'm watching for it, it can't get me, says something that's lived inside me since I knew how to feel fear. It's the same primitive something that used to tell me the shadow in my childhood closet wouldn't come to life if I stayed up all night to stare it down. I worry the way some people pray. There's ritual to it, repeated refrains and lines of thought. There's vigilance. Sometimes I feel like the people around me, Sinners in the Hands of a Mesocyclone, aren't sufficiently aware of the wrath coming their way, so I do their worrying for them, too, watch out for them. These days, I only believe in a Higher Being at my worst moments, and only one who wants retribution. Earlier, during a lull in the thunder, I ventured briefly from the tub in the notably windowless space and pulled out my eyelashes in front of the bathroom mirror with all the solemnity and intention of one saying a decade of the rosary.

Sometimes I train myself, though not as consistently as I should. When the nasty storms come, when I can bear it, sometimes I sit with my back to the windows. I don't even check the radar. I go about my business and ignore the sensation of a gnawing at my ribs, the pacing and panting of my heart behind the bars. I know, and have known for years, that a tiny percentage of storms are supercells, and of those that are, only some drop funnels at all, and of those that do, a small fraction are strong enough to do real damage. If I sit through enough of them like this and nothing happens, then I'll be desensitized to the onset of severe storms altogether. If you can train a hunting dog to not flinch at the sound of a gunshot, then I should at least be able to do this. Right now, though, it's getting worse before it gets better. Something bursting from me.

Some say the thing you fear in this life is the thing that killed you in the last, and "you had an epic death," a friend of mine once told me. I can't deny the romance in it. When an EF5 sweeps anchor-built homes off their foundations, never mind the people inside them, they're said to be taken "aloft," high into the sky. A grand dying indeed, to become weightless in the roaring air. I think anyone who pictures that believes, on some level, that those people taken aloft will never hit the ground again. They might, in fact, not, at least not all in one retrievable piece, since deaths tend to occur through impaling or dismemberment by other flying debris midair. Still, romantic. The Tri-State Tornado, the deadliest in US history, is so named because it went all the way from Missouri to Indiana but spent most of it's time crossing through Illinois to get there. As a young Illinoian child, I took this to mean that my state was cursed, and by extension, so was I. It happened nearly 40 years before Doppler radar was widely used to forecast the weather, nearly 50 before the Fujita scale was instated. Back in 1925, I don't know what one would have thought upon seeing a wall of cloud and wind a mile wide stripping the very soil from the ground on its way toward you, save that it was armageddon at last. The world erased before your eyes, and the outer wall of your house blown out so you can bear full witness. That's what I'd call an extinction burst.

I once knew a family with dogs that would fetch pillows for guests who came through the door. They used to bark instead, but instead of being trained to simply not make noise, they were trained to do something else. They couldn't, after all, bark with a pillow in their mouths, and they'd be less inclined to anyway, while they were focused on retrieving them. Everyone knows that, given nervous energy, it's much easier to channel it into something else than to try smothering it.

I love dogs better than people, myself included. I know there are no bad dogs. I've been learning to be a storm spotter. If you're registered as one, you can report weather phenomena to your local NOAA office, and those reports are spread through meteorology networks, improving the minute-by-minute forecasting. It's nice, learning just how to spot a wall cloud or report hail size. It's nice, specifically, watching for those things in order to do something rather than to torment myself. I can't not track the weather, I don't think. But I can watch it with purpose. I can hold the clouds nicely between my teeth.

#ok to rb #autofiction #fiction #yeah this is technically fiction lol #lilapsophobia #astraphobia #storm #tornado #twister #dog #animal behavior

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ordinaryschmuck · 4 years ago

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What I thought about We Bare Bears: The Movie

Salutations random people on the internet who probably won't read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons. Today, I'm going to do one-fourth of what I do best by talking about We Bare Bears: The Movie. Now, if you're a member of the cartoon community, odds are you've heard of We Bare Bears. It might not be as well-remembered as shows like Adventure Time or Steven Universe. But We Bare Bears has gained its own following through its charm and simplicity. So much so, that the series got it's very own movie, acting as the series finale to the beloved show. And to honor that milestone, I thought I'd share my thoughts by listing the things I liked and disliked about the film. Keep in mind, this is your last chance to avoid spoilers if you haven't seen the film yet (even though it’s been out for more than a week). Because I'll be spoiling the heck out of the movie by listing plot details, characters, and little touches that I think are worth mentioning. With that out of the way, let's dive on in with-

WHAT I LIKED

The Baby Bears meeting: To me, this was the first indicator that the movie was going to be the end. The Baby Bears meeting always felt like a moment saved for the series finale to me. Because answering the question of whether, or not, the Baby Bears find a home isn't something we need an answer to. But learning about how they met? Now that is something I'm sure most fans were curious about. And in true Baby Bears style, it's big and epic while still being downright adorable. Not to mention that Grizz's line at the end of how not looking alike is the best part about being brothers is not only sweet, but it also sells the main moral of the movie. If I had to nitpick, a part of me wonders how their separate journeys got them all in that one spot. But that's just another question that doesn't really require an answer, so I'm alright with not receiving one. Besides, that's what fan-fiction is for. GET ON IT WRITERS!

The Bears Running Through the City: I'm sure some people are tired of the cliche of having characters run through the city because they're late for something. But to me, I think that type of thing works for a series finale. It offers one last glance at familiar environments, but familiar characters as well. Not only do you get to see the people who love the Bears the most, but you even see the Human Bros in the background as the Bears run. This scene also sets up the conflict of the film as the Bears accidentally wreak havoc to get to where they're going. Even more so than usual. Plus, the scene serves as an excuse to hear the extended version of the theme song. And personally, I just love it when a series finale finds a way to incorporate the theme in a way that's better than the opening.

The Bears Complaint File: This was another indicator that the movie was going to be the end of the series. Usually, when a show like We Bare Bears finally acknowledges consequences to a character's actions, it's safe to say that the end is nigh. Because this presents the idea that the characters are close to being the straw that broke the camel's back. Which is something you can never do twice.

The Bears Viral Video: There are going to be people out there who'll find the Bears' video of outdated memes cringy. And to those people, I say: "THAT'S THE FRICKEN POINT GENIUSES!" Seriously, the characters themselves point out how what they're doing is going to be cringy, so it's safe to say that it was very much the intention from the writers. Besides, We Bare Bears always had scenes, and entire episodes, that acknowledged modern trends. And unlike other shows and movies, We Bare Bears doesn't use memes to stay fresh and hip with the kids. Instead, the show-and movie for that matter-uses trends to tell a story that will be timeless. Albeit dated in a few years. The only complaint I'll accept is that you didn't find their video funny, which can be valid. As for me, yeah, I chuckled. Speaking of-

The Comedy: We Bare Bears might not be the funniest show I've seen, but it still gets a chuckle out of me from time to time. It works with an absurd sense of humor, which is either your thing or it isn't. As for the jokes in the movie, most of them work pretty well, and the ones that don't aren't too bad. Personally, my favorite scene is when the Bears slowly drive away from Wildlife Control. The fact that that plan worked was so absurd, I could not help but laugh.

The Blackout: This was the straw that I mentioned earlier. The Bears have finally crossed a line that turns several people against them. In fact, it's very reminiscent of Ed Edd and Eddy's Big Picture Show, where the characters are forced to leave after doing something unforgivable. Although, there's one thing that We Bare Bears: The Movie does better than Big Picture Show. In Big Picture Show, fans never really saw what the Eds did that was so horrid. We were just told that it was so bad that our trio had to leave everything behind. Never seeing the answer always bothered me as a kid because I was always curious about how their last scam was somehow their worst. This is why it's nice that we actually get to see what the Bears did that was so unforgivable in We Bare Bears: The Movie.

Agent Trout: At some point, if you found Trout to be the most unlikeable piece of trash that he is, then you found the writers' possible intention. Trout acts as the movie's main antagonist, and on top of that, a character you're not supposed to like. And granted, there have been movie antagonists that are pure evil, but audiences can't help but love them anyway. But personally, I feel like making Trout a likable antagonist would have spoiled the point of the film. The movie's message, which I'll get into later, is about how being strange is ok, and that anyone can fit into society. Because society changes and people become accepting of these changes, every day. Trout is meant to represent the type of people who refuse the idea of change. He is a character who believes everything should operate as nature intended, which in this film's case, having bears reside in their natural habitats. And I honestly think Trout does his part as an antagonist really well. He's easy to hate for all the right reasons, and it's satisfying to see him get his coupons. It's also even better that we don't know his motivations to be so cruel to the Bears. Because there are real-life people out there who share Trout's mindset, with zero reasons behind why. Plus, his design is really great, being devoid of color and drawn with sharp edges in comparison to the bright and smooth looking characters. It helps him stand out from most characters in the show, while also making less overly threatening that the hunter in "Yuri and Ice Bear."

Officer Murphy: As far as I know, Officer Murphy was never really that big of a character. In fact, I don't even remember if the show mentioned his name until this movie. So to some fans, it might come off as a surprise that Murphy is given such an enormous role in this movie. Regardless, the position Murphy has is a great one. He is meant to represent the positive type of law enforcement. The officers who don't punish people due to who they are or what they look like. Instead, Officer Murphy is an officer who upholds the law to protect others. Take note of the fact that Murphy never wanted to physically or emotionally hurt the Bears. He understood that the Bears crossed the line and needed to be punished, but never to the extremes that Trout took. Speaking of Trout, Murphy acts as a great comedic sidekick for the antagonist. There's this nice running joke where Trout shoves random food in Murphy's mouth when Murphy makes an unwanted comment. And said running joke also leads to a great payoff in the movie's final act. So while I'm surprised at Murphy's inclusion, I gotta say that I really appreciate it.

Mystery Machine Cameo: I'm the biggest Scooby-Doo fan you'll ever meet, so believe when I say that seeing the iconic van just made me giddy.

Pizza Rat: I'll be the first to admit that Pizza Rat was a scumbag for betraying the Bears. But gosh darn it he was hilarious. I'm not kidding, whenever Pizza Rat showed up, he got funnier and funnier with each scene. Especially with his hatred of the rat with Spaghetti.

Grizz’s Nightmare: There are two things I really like about this scene. The first is that Grizz's nightmare is easily the creepiest the show has gotten. Seriously, something tells me that Trout's face being on the death train is going to be in kids' nightmares for weeks. The second is that there is some outstanding visual symbolism in this scene. It shows how Grizz is under a lot of stress for carrying the weight of protecting his brothers at all costs. Not only is that the best symbolism the show has ever used, but the scene gives the perfect insight into Grizz as a character. It's rare that we ever get to see the serious side of him, so I appreciate this one last glimpse into his personality.

That Epic Car Chase: If I'm being honest, there were not that many scenes that showed this movie being anything else than an extended episode. But this scene, however, was the most cinematic that We Bare Bears have ever been. The quality animation and cinematography help make the scene action-packed and surprisingly tense at times. Like I genuinely felt worried for my favorite trio of weirdos. There's not much I can say about this scene other than it was pretty impressive as well as awesome.

The Bears’ Plan Fails: It's weird saying that I like this, but I do. The movie could have gone down the same route as The Simpsons Movie by having the plan work for the sake of a joke. But no. We Bare Bears: The Movie actually employs logic and says, "you can't move to a new country, without a passport." And I can't help but give kudos to a movie that doesn't allow a simple solution.

The Third Act Break Up: Ah yes, the one cliche scene that makes audiences go "Really? We're doing this song and dance again?" Now, here's my defense: When it comes to something made for kids, you gotta be more forgiving of cliches. Odds are, some children watched this movie, and this will be their first third act break up. So you can't really fault the film for wanting to use a popular cliche. Granted, you could wish to have your kids watch something original, but that's a request that gets harder to do with each day. Besides, some cliches, like the third act break up, aren't bad unless they're done correctly. And I honestly think the movie uses the cliche just fine. The tension between Grizz and Panda has been built up throughout the film, so one final blow-out was bound to happen. Plus, the Bears don't really break up, but rather argue. If Panda had walked off dramatically, after saying "we're not brothers," then I would consider it a break up. Instead, it comes across as characters saying things they don't mean due to the heat of the moment.

Trout’s Bear Sanctuary: This was depressing but in a good way. The colors being swapped out from the show's usual bright pastels to dull and gray? That perfectly explains how dire the situation is without outwardly stating it. And yeah, I got a little misty eyed when watching this scene.

Grizz Talking to Baby Grizz: Another scene that I thought would be endgame would be having the grown-up Bears meeting the Baby Bears. I always dismissed this idea because I kept reminding myself of how it was impossible. I mean, how can you make characters meet a younger version of themselves? Turns out, the answer to that question was to have the younger version of a character act as a conscience. And yeah, this scene was pretty sweet and charming. And once again, my eyes started to get all misty. The tears didn't fight hard enough to get out, but they still fought pretty hard. Also, was it just me, or did it sound like Baby Grizz's voice actor was beginning to hit puberty?

The Bears Cheering for Grizz: I'm not the only one who thought it sounded like the bears were chanting/roaring Grizz's name, right? Because that's what I heard during this scene. Also, this scene was pretty epic, while doing its job to get me hyped up for what happens next.

The Moral: I've touched upon this moral earlier, and I want to make it clear how important it is. Some people feel as though they don't fit in anywhere, mostly because law enforcement has a history of punishing those that don't. But as Grizz says: "Nature adapts." The same goes for society. More and more people are fitting into groups that make them feel welcome. And those groups become more accepted with each passing year. Now to be fair, there are scum bags like Trout, who seek to punish people who are different. But again, there are still good souls like Murphy that attempt to do the morally correct thing no matter who/what you are. And I have to give kudos to We Bare Bears: The Movie for showing the brighter side of things. Because let's face it, we all could use something positive as of late. And I'm sure there are going to be people out there who'll call this movie 'preachy' and 'overly optimistic.' To those people, I would like to once again point out that this is a kid's film. Yes, kids are smarter than we give them credit for. But that doesn't mean you should give the harsh truth about how hard issues won't have simple solutions. They at least have until their teen years before that happens. Besides, look at the ending shot of bears normally fitting in with the rest of society. If you can see that and not love the symbolism being represented, then this film clearly is not for you.

WHAT I DISLIKED

It’s More of an Extended Episode Rather Than a Movie: Before I explain, I want to make it very clear that this is mostly a nitpick. Like I said before, there weren't many scenes that made this movie feel like, well, a movie. The animation never seemed better in comparison to the show, there weren't that many cinematic scenes, and the story didn't feel all that epic either. I honestly feel like the bears went on grander adventures than the one they went on here. Like the first time they became wanted criminals in "Captain Craboo." Yeah, remember that episode? It was emotional, intense, and actually kind of epic at times. And that episode was a half-hour long! The movie was an hour and eight minutes, and it still couldn't outdo the quality of "Captain Craboo." I know that I'm being a little harsh. But when I see "the movie" attached at the end of a show's title, I expect something grander and more epic than the original show. And yeah, We Bare Bears: The Movie is good for an extended episode, but not for what I consider for a movie.

What Supporting Cast?: Here's where looking at the movie as a series finale becomes an issue. This is the last time we'll see ALL of the characters from the show. So giving no proper goodbye from the supporting cast, who have all been significant people in the Bears' lives, feels wrong. The best-or rather worst-example of how wrong this is would be Nom-Nom. This was a character who was on the road towards redemption. So to have his last appearance show that he's the same jerk as he started is disappointing. The worst part is that the movie had the right idea with Charlie's scene. He helps the Bears one last time and says he's happy to do it for all the times they helped him. It's a touching moment and honestly feels like a proper goodbye to his character. And I can't help but see ways that the movie could have included the rest of the supporting cast. Have Ranger Tabes join Murphy and Trout due to her being a bear expert. Have Nom-Nom stand up for the bears at the Internet Animal rave. Have Chloe literally do anything other than stand and watch her best friends in the world be in danger! I understand that the Bears are the main characters who deserve most of the closure. But that doesn't mean other characters should be left in the dust because of it.

Panda’s Kind of Annoying: Cards on the table, I'm not the biggest fan of Panda. I don't think he's the worst character or even a bad one. But to me, he always came across as so whiney and annoying, and he's somehow worse in the movie. I get that he's a straight man who's meant to be the voice of reason, but there's a way to make a character like that entertaining. Some amazing straight men are specific iterations of Leonardo from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Velma from Scooby-Doo. Those are characters that know how to be the calm of the crazy storm that their fellow cast. They offer witty comments and charismatic one-liners that prove they could also hold off on their own at times. Panda never really did that for me in neither the show nor the movie. He has his entertaining moments for sure, but most of them get overshadowed by his weaker ones. So while I don't exactly hate Panda, I can't really say I love him.

Ice Bear Does Next to Nothing: I'm not the only one who thinks Ice Bear was underutilized, right? In fact, We Bare Bears: The Movie is also similar to Ed Edd and Eddy's Big Picture Show in how to write its main trio. Both films pay more attention to the relationship between the leader and the straight man, where the comic relief is there for jokes and to give the occasional contribution. However, it's easy to forgive with Ed, because his character has little to offer other than being a loveable doofus. But Ice Bear? He has so much personality, so much backstory, and so much more to his character that you could make an entire movie just about him. Plus, going back to the fact that the film is a series finale, this is not a proper conclusion to his character. Sure, it's nice to see the Bears be accepted for who they are, but what about all that stuff with Yuri? Are you seriously telling me that the show wouldn't do anything with the fact that Ice Bear fell in love with Yuri's daughter?! I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I really wish the movie had something more in store for Ice Bear.

On The Road Song: Out of all the good qualities that We Bare Bears have, having good music isn't one of them. The few songs that the show has are not bad by no means but aren't really songs I would find myself listening to on repeat. The same goes for "Road Trip Song." It's perfectly fine, but nothing more than mediocre. Plus, weirdly, it's the only song in the movie. I mean, if you're gonna introduce something like a musical number, at least go all out with making a musical. I'm not saying the film should have been like Steven Universe: The Movie in terms of a soundtrack, but at least have two or three more songs. As is, it just feels like a weird detour on the road to Canada.

The Bears Survive Falling Off a Cliff:...That’s it. Just the ludicrousy of the fact that the Bears survive a fall like that. When you think about it, it removes a lot of the tension when you they could survive huge feats like that too.

Overall, We Bare Bears: The Movie gets a well earned B+ for me. When you judge it as a movie AND as a series finale, it loses a lot of points. But when you look at it as an extended episode? You get something that has a great moral, an outstanding antagonist, and a nicely put together story. Like the original show, I'm probably not going to remember it in about ten years down the line. As for the here and now, I'm glad I took the time to watch something so much more than BEARable.

(Now if only we got that Amazing World of Gumball movie. GET ON IT CARTOON NETWORK!)

#we bare bears #we bare bears: the movie #review #what i thought about

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bluepenguinstories · 4 years ago

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Happiness Overload Epilogue I

“New universe, new me”, isn’t that the statement?

Not like I gave a fuck what the statement was. There was more important things like saving the world (or one of them, at least), making sure the ETNA Corporation and Marco were both dead, and/or making sure I was dead.

That last one was most important. Didn’t need me fucking up my chances of victory.

So there I was, back in that familiar city, and that was when I saw myself.

Wait. Holy fuck. Has that ever happened before?

“Holy fuck. Is that me?” Me said to me.

Yeah, yeah. That was confusing, but that wasn’t me who said that. That was me.

I probably asked me if that was me, too, but I couldn’t remember.

Before I knew it, I saw me run up to go kick my ass (just like I would’ve done to me, let’s be real), but as soon as I saw myself start to run across some train tracks, a train at top speed sped by and hit the me that was headed toward me. I heard the screams, the splat.

I flinched. Cringed, even. That was really how it was with me, wasn’t it? So cringe. So much blood and guts, and I had to watch.

“Top ten Kelly Roger deaths: number nine will shock you,” I found the words to say at long last.

It never got easier, did it? Always watching myself die and then going off elsewhere to fuck shit up. At least couldn’t it be a little less gruesome? Seriously, I probably had nine counts of PTSD.

I more or less stood in place as the train went by. I say “more or less” as if I didn’t just stand in place while the scene kept playing over in my head.

Yeah, rather un-epic of me, but IN MY DEFENSE, everyone else around me had gotten out of their cars, or stopped what they were doing in the crowded streets, all to watch the tragedy of one dumbass doing a dumbass thing (note: you’re supposed to look both ways before you cross, you idiot). Finally, when the train went on about its way and there was a dark red stain on the train tracks, I decided to take off to the next universe. With any luck, the next time I watched myself die wouldn’t be as gruesome.

“Kelly Roger, is that you?”

“Son, sometimes daughter?”

What-the-

I squinted. It was my parents. They ran across. Great. Were they gonna get ran over too?

Nope. They stood right next to me. Greeeaaaat. How do I worm my way out of this one?

“I thought you died!” My mom burst into tears. “Just now, in fact!”

“Oh, yeah. I did. But I got better,” were the words I used to worm my way out. Yes, many people used “weasel out” as the analogy, but back in my humble beginnings, I used to put malware and “worms” on people’s computers just for fun. Ah, back when things were more simple.

“I don’t understand, but I’m so glad you’re okay!” My mom hugged me real tight even though I was wearing a super badass suit and being hugged like that wasn’t so super badass.

“Yeah, yeah, real talk though, is there anything called ‘ETNA’ in this universe?”

“A what-Na?” My dad asked, as if I was the one who told bad jokes.

“Oh, what about anyone named Marco? Know anyone like that?”

They both shook their heads. That stirred up some emotions. That could only mean one thing: I won. I finally did it! I didn’t have to go to other universes! I saved the day, just like I knew I would! Except there was just ONE thing I had to confirm.

“Do you guys have Wi-Fi?”

“Y-yes,” both my parents sobbed. “We do.”

Whoa. This really was the best timeline.

I stripped out of my Kamen Rider costume (that wasn’t what it was? Too bad. I’ve already decided a few universes ago that’s what it was). Don’t worry, I was still wearing clothes. No need to sweat the small stuff. Speaking of…

“KR, your pits smell like ass,” my mom sounded concerned.

“Yes,” I laughed and sobbed in good measure. I was just so happy to get my perfect ending. “Yes they do.”

“Would you like to come back home with us,” my dad asked, coming in clutch. As if he even had to. Everyone knew I loved places that had Wi-Fi living with people who loved me.

All was well; it was the perfect ending that I totally deserved, up until one final moment: when we came home and as soon as my parents opened the apartment door, we were greeted by someone I both never expected to see, and never wanted to see. Unless I was just seeing someone who looked like someone I didn’t want to see, which, either way, I didn’t want to see what I was seeing.

“Welcome home, guys,” she spoke, her brown ponytail flapping in the lack of wind. “Missed you, honey,” she kissed my mom on the cheek.

“Oh, Celia V,” my mom giggled, something gross and unwarranted. But also...what? The fuck? Celia-fucking-fuck? “My husband is right there.”

“How did you get here?!” I balked.

“That’s right, we didn’t tell you,” my dad went on to explain. “When you left home, we were quite lonely and, coincidentally, after going out for dinner one night, there was this poor woman begging for money on the street. She said she was an orphaned twenty-something who had just left home and quit her job because her boss was, like, the literal devil or something. We really like having her around.”

“And her name is…?”

“Celia V, like your mom said.”

Okay, okay. Relax. There had to be some kind of explanation for that. Like, probably a whole “alternate universe version of that person” sorta thing. Yeah. Totes plausible.

Would have been, until once I stepped through the door, she leaned over and whispered to me:

“I fucked your mom.”

On the outside, I was a hero. Savior of many. On the inside, I was screaming.

“By the way, tonight is pizza night. It’s Celia’s favorite,” my dad informed me.

Papa Dad’s pizza. My least favorite. Actually, it was super great. Only the cheesiest and greasiest, but trust me, when you work a job at a fast food franchise, you start to find that food gross.

“Oh, also, we’re gonna binge watch Boruto tonight,” my mom added. “It’s Celia’s favorite show.”

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WHERE IS MY SUIT I WANT OUT OF THIS UNIVERSE.

After hours of watching some shitty uncultured show, I finally managed to excuse myself to my room. How did my parents enjoy that garbage? Naruto was much higher quality. Like sharp chedder vs blue cheese. In case it wasn’t obvious, sharp cheddar was the higher quality.

Once in my room, however, the nightmare continued. On the top bunk, there she was: alright laying down and reading some shitty manga. On the bottom bunk was a buncha computer equipment which would’ve been super cool had it belonged to me, but because it wasn’t, it was lame.

“Where am I supposed to sleep?!”

“Aw, kiddo. There’s a sleeping bag in the closet. Just try not to let any fallen computer parts crush you to death. It’s quite messy in there.

“This is my room! I’m their kid! Their 20 year old kid, but still!”

“Yeah, but I fucked your mom.”

I was fuming. What a power move. Such a gross, disgusting power move that I didn’t ever want to think about, in fact, I’d rather think about one of the many times I’ve seen myself die than think about that, but a power move all the same.

“At least there’s Wi-Fi in this apartment. If this is the worst it can get, I think I can manage.” I thought was an innocent enough thought to say aloud, but it wasn’t. It was a war crime.

“Oh, also, in case you’re wondering, I found out how to travel through dimensions, too, all so I could ditch my boss. So, yes. We got history.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

The End.

Bonus:

The next day, I sat in the living room and sulked. My dad walked by, worried about my mental state.

“What’s wrong, KR?” Dad asked.

“Celia V. fucked my mom,” I replied, any sense of joy absent from my voice.

My dad laughed.

“That’s not possible, because I’m married to your mom.”

Over in the dining room, Celia V. stood and sneered.

“I fucked your mom, shitlips.”

The nightmare just would not end.

#happiness overload #epilogue #writing #scifi #comedy #memes #boruto #stories #ending #you can stop here if you want and pretend that the story is over #but there will be more chapters after this

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metaphorical-love-for-a-car · 6 years ago

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IKEA Saviors-- Queen x Reader

Prompt; “I lost my sibling in IKEA, and I need your help finding them.”

Warnings; none!

Word Count; 1.7k

Notes; I’ve never actually been in IKEA, so there’s probably a lot of inaccurate stuff lol. Also, I’m painfully American and writing with the main characters in England is probably going to be inaccurate as well lol.

Read it on AO3

Moving out was one of the most liberating and nerve-wracking things you had ever done. Sure, it was terrifying to be on your own with adult responsibilities to handle, but dear God, it saved your sanity. There was no doubt that you loved your family. You really and truly did, but... they could be quite chaotic from time to time. You snatched up the first opportunity to move out. The only problem was that you needed to buy some furniture for your little apartment. You decided that, after having lived in your flat for about two weeks already, it was probably time to take a trip to IKEA. However, the day did not go as planned.

Your mother called, telling you that she had an important appointment but the babysitter had canceled last minute. She was in desperate need of someone to watch your little brothers. Being the good older sibling that you are, you told her that you could watch them. You thought it would be fun to take the boys with you while you ran a few errands. Maybe the three of you could stop for some sort of treat while out and about. Your mother sounded relieved, thanking you over and over again.

Instead of dropping them off at your flat, she met you at IKEA, saying that it would be easier for both of you. Your mother planted a kiss on your cheek and thanked you once more for babysitting. You waved her off. No big deal, right? Wrong.

John's wife was pregnant, and they needed to get a crib before the baby arrived. When the rest of the band heard this, they all chimed in suggestions. Roger was the one who suggested they all go to IKEA, like a field trip. As Brian and Freddie voiced their agreements, John pinched the bridge of his nose. He could already tell that this was going to be a long day.

The four of them arrived, goofing off as usual. They weren't in the store for two minutes before an employee was reprimanding them. Freddie was sitting in a shopping cart, and Roger was trying to see how fast he could push him. John and Brian had smug smiles as Roger returned to them, leaving Freddie to climb out of the cart on his own-- only for it to dump over with a loud crash. "Quick, run before they kick us out!" Roger hissed. He dashed down an aisle with John and Brian hot on his heels. Freddie scrambled to his feet and followed suit. Their laughter filled the air. It would have been easy to find them if someone were to just follow the sounds of their giggles.

Perhaps you had overestimated your ability to watch not one, but two wild children in one of the most confusing stores to navigate in the history of confusing stores. You were constantly getting on to them for knocking stuff over or trying to climb on top of one of the displays. You were about ready to rip your hair out. "Look, I'll make a deal with you guys. If you can be quiet, not knock anything else over, and not climb on anything else, then I'll take you guys to get ice cream, or candy, or I'll even consider buying you a new toy. How's that sound?" They were bouncing up and down, nodding their heads vigorously. You held your hand out. "It's a deal!" They shook your hand with wide smiles.

You sighed in relief, thinking they were contained for the time being. You could hear them whispering, but you didn't pay it much attention. At least they weren't shrieking at the top of their lungs. Your head snapped in the opposite direction when a large crash echoed through the store. You hummed, wondering what on earth had caused the ruckus. Little did you know that things were about to dramatically go downhill. You turned around to say something to your brothers, only to find that you were alone in the aisle.

You swore and checked around the other aisles nearby. The couldn't have gone that far-- you only had your back turned for like, two seconds! You whisper-shouted their names but received no response. Your heart started to beat faster with each minute that passed. Your mother would murder you on the spot if she found out you had lost the boys. Soon, you were running around the store like a headless chicken. Tears threatened to form as your mind thought of the worst possible scenarios. What if they had broken something and an employee took them somewhere? What if they tried to leave the store without you? What if they were kidnapped?

You took a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself. You told yourself that it was okay. They were just around this corner. As you rounded the corner, you ran into someone and nearly made the two of you stumble to the ground. You gasped and stuttered through multiple apologies. The man laughed, patting your shoulders. "It's quite alright, darling. I wasn't paying much attention to where I was going." It was in that moment you realized who exactly you had ran into. Your head was swimming, not the best moment to literally stumble into one of your favorite celebrities.

"Are you alright? You look a bit shook up." John eyed you carefully. Roger smirked, crossing his arms.

"Probably from meeting rockstars such as ourselves." Brian rolled his eyes.

"Actually, I came here with my little brothers, and now I can't find them," you blurted out. "Do you think you could.. uh-" Before you could even finish your sentence, all four of them were bombarding you with questions. They were asking you their names, what they looked like, and so on. They were going to make damned sure that you found them. They might have been rockstars, but they were still human. They would want someone to help them if they were in your shoes-- especially Freddie, he would absolutely die if one of his cats turned up missing.

Soon the five of you were marching through the store, hunting down the two troublemakers. "Has anyone found them yet?" John called out. He was answered with a chorus of 'no's.

"Where the fuck could they have possibly gone to?" Roger groaned. Suddenly, an idea popped into Freddie's mind. Maybe they hadn't found them et because they weren't thinking as a child would.

"Marco!" Everyone froze, catching on with his brilliant plan. Two small voices answered from seemingly opposite directions The five of you scrambled about. You each took turns shouting, "Marco!" Meanwhile, the others would try to find their hiding spot. Brian crept down an aisle, eyeing an inconspicuous basket nearby. As he moved closer, he could hear muffled giggling. Brian dramatically removed the lid as the child inside gasped. Brian glanced over his shoulder.

"Found one!" He grinned and returned his gaze to the basket only to see the child clamoring out of it. "Oh, no, you're not escaping this time." He picked up your little brother and tossed him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. You sighed in relief when you saw the two. A large grin crossed your face as your brother squealed with laughter. Brian set the tike down and knelt to his level. "Can you show us where your brother is?" He shook his head and crossed his arms. "And why not?"

"He told me that snitches get stitches." You rolled your eyes with a groan.

"Of course he did."

John heard someone's shoe squeak on the tile floor. Of course, it could've been one of the others, but he decided to check it out anyways. Better safe than sorry. When he poked his head into the next aisle, he saw a young boy staring at him with wide eyes before taking off. "He's heading towards the bedroom furniture!"

Roger heard John shout and whirled around, looking for your brother. That's when he saw Freddie in the middle of an epic battle with your brother. The two were hurling pillows at each other. "Need some backup, Fred?" Roger picked up a nearby pillow and whacked your brother with it, who in turn let loose a battle cry before hitting Roger with another pillow. Soon enough, the rest of you stumbled upon the scene. Your other brother grabbed a pillow off the shelf and hit your leg with it. You snatched the pillow away from him.

"It's not polite to hit ladies," you reprimanded with a stern look on your face. He sheepishly looked away, which left you with the perfect moment to strike. Brian watched the five of you participate in the childish pillow fight with an amused smile on his face. Someone, though you're not sure who as no one would claim it, threw a pillow square in his face. It was in that moment that it changed from a pillow fight to a pillow war. IT was brother against brother against sister, guitarist against singer against drummer. It was hysteria. John had a slight grimace at the scene.

"Now, let's not cause a bigger scene than we already-" John was cut off by everyone throwing a pillow at him.

"Oh, come on, Deacy!" Freddie sassed. "Don't be so boring."

"I'll show you what's boring." Just as he went to pick up a nearby pillow, everyone froze. John furrowed his brows and turned around to see a group of employees and security guards-- all looking unamused.

"We're going to have to ask you all to leave, immediately." The six of you muttered apologies as you stepped over the mess of pillows littering the floor. The security guards escorted you all out, and your face was as red as a tomato. You started to apologize to everyone but they just laughed and shook their heads.

"Don't be sorry. That was a thousand times more fun than we would've had on a normal shopping trip," Roger said with a wink.

"Although," Freddie interjected. "I do believe that you owe us a drink. You know, for getting us kicked out and probably banned from shopping at IKEA until the end of time."

"And I do believe that you're correct," you laughed.

#queen #queen band #queen x reader #brian may x reader #roger taylor x reader #john deacon x reader #freddie mercury x reader #x reader #oneshot #queen imagines #queen one shot #fanfiction #fanfic #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rapsody movie #bohrap #bohemian rhapsody x reader

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irinapaleolog · 5 years ago

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As we head toward the conclusion of the Skywalker saga with Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’s Dec. 20 release, one of the big unresolved questions is the fate of Kylo Ren (Adam Driver). Will he, like his grandfather before him, redeem himself and resume his former identity as Ben Solo? Or will he, mask newly reformed, remain on the Dark Side to be defeated by Rey (Daisy Ridley) and the rest of the Resistance?

For such a major character in the series, Kylo remains somewhat mysterious, masked or not. When his parentage was first revealed in The Force Awakens, the biggest question was how exactly did Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) and Han Solo (Harrison Ford), our heroes of the Rebellion, wind up with this petulant mini-Vader as a son? We saw that Kylo idolized his grandfather but had none of his cool-tempered menace, hacking away at ship consoles with such abandon that you wondered if the First Order had a permanent Kylo Ren repair line in the budget. At first, his brattiness seemed almost comical until he killed his father in a mistaken attempt to drown the light in himself. For anyone who ever thought Leia and Han would be cool parents — and that certainly includes the parentally neglected Rey — Kylo’s presence was a bit of a head-scratcher. How exactly did the former Ben Solo turn into this destructive and emotionally turbocharged Dark Sider?

The Last Jedi went a bit further in explaining Ben’s turn to Ren as his uncle, the legendary Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), revealed that one fateful night a terrifying Force vision got the best of him and sent his nephew hurtling down toward the Dark Side. It was this betrayal that haunted Kylo and left him both vulnerable and achingly lonely as his Force bond with Rey revealed. And despite the murder of his father, he still remained conflicted and couldn’t do the same to his mother when he had the chance, her love for him staying his hand. Even though he refused to rejoin Rey on the Light Side, Kylo turned out to be far more complicated than he initially seemed when he descended as the masked and hooded villain in The Force Awakens.

While the films have sketched the broad outlines of Ben’s fall and Driver has done fantastic work in suggesting the turmoil roiling under Kylo’s mask, there is a lot more we’ve learned about Ben Solo/Kylo Ren’s past from the various novels and comic books that make up the current Star Wars canon. If you are not familiar with them, read ahead to get a fuller picture of the character and what his past may portend for his future.

In Chuck Wendig’s Aftermath trilogy, which takes place in the year after the Battle of Endor, we discover that not only are Han and Leia now married, but that Leia is already pregnant with Ben. While we saw that Leia definitely had Force powers in The Last Jedi, it’s during her pregnancy that she really starts to explore her abilities. She can feel Ben’s Force presence in the womb, and that it’s mostly light but shot through with veins of darkness. She worries about that darkness but takes comfort when Luke tells her all people have that. It’s poignant to think how the darkness eventually overwhelmed that child, but the fact that there was so much light to start with shows he can turn back to it if he wants and that the Dark Side was not his destiny, but a choice he made. While the Empire is in its last gasps during Leia’s pregnancy, Ben is born on Chandrila the same day that the Empire formally surrenders and the war ends. In fact, his mother is already in labor as the peace treaty is being signed. Because of his family’s fame, his birth was accompanied by a flood of rumors, everything from being born with a full head of black hair, to a full set of teeth, to Luke attending the birth himself. For a child with so many expectations placed on his tiny shoulders, Ben just seems to be a normal, if somewhat fussy, baby, though one his mother seems much more comfortable tending to than his father.

On that note, Aftermath: Empire’s End, the final book in the trilogy, establishes the difficulty Han has adjusting to fatherhood and how that foreshadows the gap that will grow between father and son despite Han’s deep love for the boy and the boy’s deep love for his father. Han’s usual cocksure confidence is shaken by the helpless baby before him and he feels insecure that he doesn’t have the same Force connection to Ben that Leia has, thinking that’s the only way his son can be soothed. Leia, to her credit, thinks that their son just needs to feel his father’s presence to feel comforted.

But Han’s insecurity continues in Last Shot, by Daniel José Older. While the book is mostly about an adventure between Han and Lando in the early years of Han and Leia’s marriage, Ben makes an appearance as a 2-year-old toddler, one that Han is still a little baffled by. Here we see how Han’s restless spirit will eventually cause a problem in his relationship with his son. Ben idolizes his father and “Wanwo” (fingers crossed someone gives Kylo and Uncle Lando a scene in the new movie) and misses his father terribly when he’s gone on his mission. While his mother works to build the New Republic, Ben is in the care of droids and in what might be a key moment for a person with a lifelong abandonment complex, a malfunctioning kitchen droid almost kills him. Ben survives, but Han continues to struggle with being a parent and the responsibilities that come with it.

There isn’t a ton of information about Ben’s late childhood and teenage years, but The Last Jedi novel details that Ben’s epic temper tantrums and growing Force powers left many objects in the Organa-Solo household destroyed. Kylo recalls with bitterness an incident overhearing his frightened parents talk about him as if he was a monster and it’s obvious that his anger became such an issue that Leia felt it necessary to send him to Luke in the hopes that training to be a Jedi would help tame his darker instincts. Neither his parents nor his uncle realized that Snoke had gotten his claws into Ben at some point during this time. As the films and comics like Star Wars: Age of Resistance — Supreme Leader Snoke #1 make clear, Snoke abused and manipulated Kylo for years, twisting the young man’s feelings toward his family and nurturing those resentments until Kylo finally took his revenge upon his Master in the throne room.

We get a little more information about Ben before his fall from the novel Bloodline, by Claudia Gray, which moves the story forward to six years before the events of The Force Awakens. There are no direct scenes with Ben, who is about 23 years old in the book, but he is often on his mother’s mind as she works as a senator living on the not-yet-destroyed Hosnian Prime while Han is off sponsoring various racing championships across the galaxy and running a shipping company. Ben is traveling around the galaxy with Luke, still training to be a Jedi. Han and Leia seem to have a warm marriage but one that is marked by long absences from each other as Leia understands that Han’s restlessness would make him a miserable Senate husband and Leia’s duty to the faltering New Republic comes before even her personal preference to be with her family. The book suggests that Han and Ben have a strained relationship at this point, in that Han does not understand his son and that Ben’s Force abilities have created a wedge between them. Frustrated by not being able to parent their son, both Han and Leia mentor many of the young people in the orbit, a desire we see reflected in the films as Han mentors Rey and Finn (John Boyega) and Leia treats Poe (Oscar Isaac) as almost a surrogate son, the three seeming more like their spiritual children than their actual son.

Though Ben does not appear in the novel, the book contains a key event that dramatically shapes his life to come. Over the course of the novel, we learn that no one outside of Leia, Luke, and Han ever learned that Darth Vader was Anakin Skywalker and also the true birth father of Luke and Leia. While Luke had witnessed Anakin’s redemption personally, Leia did not, and to her, Vader remained the monster that tortured her and helped destroy her beloved Alderaan. She had kept the secret that Vader was her father for decades and was still coming to terms with her true parentage, never finding the right time to tell Ben who his grandfather really was. Unfortunately, the knowledge fell into the hands of a political rival who outed her to the whole Senate before she had time to tell Ben first. We don’t learn what Ben’s immediate reaction to this news was, but considering he must have learned this information shortly before his turn to the Dark Side, it must have cracked the already shaky trust in his family that Snoke had help splinter, a trust that would be completely shattered by that fateful night with Luke in his hut.

Looking over these parts of his past, Kylo just didn’t inherit great Force power and Leia’s fabulous hair from his powerful bloodline but everything else that went with it, good and bad. That meant Han and Leia’s mutual hotheadness, Luke’s impulsiveness, Anakin’s brattiness, and Padme’s penchant for falling for the wrong people — though that last one might wind up saving him in the end depending on how his complicated relationship with Rey works out.

As we move closer to The Rise of Skywalker, we will be getting a few more missing pieces to the puzzle when the first issue of The Rise of Kylo Ren, by Charles Soule, is released Dec. 18. Though the project has been mostly kept under wraps, one tantalizing cover revealed that Ben Solo and Luke Skywalker actually battled the Knights of Ren at some point, so Ben Solo’s past might be even more complex than we expected.

All this leads back to what will become of the Skywalker heir? Will the Bendemption, as some fans have taken to calling it, actually happen? Will Rey’s vision of Ben’s future, that solid and clear picture that convinced her he would turn back to the light, finally come to pass? And if he does turn back, what will be the trigger? Repentance? His mother’s love? His own? Although it would be quite bold to leave Kylo on the Dark Side, it does seem unlikely that a saga that deals so much about redemption would end on a sour note and leave the once and maybe future Ben Solo unredeemed. Let’s hope the Skywalker saga gets a happier ending than that and that this tortured figure finally turns back to the light.

#the rise of skywalker #kylo ren #star wars #leia organa #han solo #luke skywalker

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mst3kproject · 5 years ago

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SHORT: Undersea Kingdom

My previous experiences with serials on this blog have not been good. If I watch them all in one sitting they’re boring, and if I watch them one installment at a time I forget what happened. I was therefore kind of dreading Undersea Kingdom, and I decided that if this was my last chance to watch the edited-down ‘movie’ version, I was going to take it. Well, guess what? I can’t find the edited-down ‘movie’ version! So here I am, tackling the whole twelve-part series. Again.

An opening montage introduces us to Ray ‘Crash’ Corrigan, the finest specimen of white manhood ever to enlist in the US Navy. He is invited to join an expedition let by Professor Norton in his extremely roomy bubble-powered Rocket Submarine, to make contact with the lost city of Atlantis. Also along for the ride are Norton’s son Billy, Briny and Salty the obnoxious comic-relief sailors, Diana the reporter, and Sinbad the parrot. They arrive to find that all is not well at the bottom of the sea. Sharad, who is like the Pope of Atlantis or something, is engaged in an ongoing war with the tyrant Unga Khan, who wants to take over the city and then destroy the upper world with earthquakes so he can rule that, too! You can tell the difference between the two sides because Sharad’s guys wear white capes and Unga Khan’s wear black ones and are assisted by their old allies, the Neptune Men.

I mean, obviously a city at the bottom of the ocean has ties with the Neptune Men. Right? Right?

So after all the time I spent dreading this short, how much of an ordeal was it? Well… I watched it over the course of two days, and honestly? I kind of enjoyed it. Undersea Kingdom is pure low-budget cheese, but it somehow feels like low-budget cheese people cared about. Somebody was truly excited to tell this story, rather than just slotting themed setpieces into a formula. The ending lost me, but the rest really wasn’t awful.

Literally everything that happens in Undersea Kingdom is ridiculous. As Joel and the bots pointed out, the costumes are truly epic. Sharad wears a cross between a crown and a chef’s hat, with big fake plastic jewels on it. Unga Khan’s troops wear miniskirts and lightning bolts on their heads – his chief honcho, Hakkor, is played by Lon Chaney Jr, unusually sober and unsure what the hell he’s doing here. Unga Khan himself wears Genghis' pajamas, and Billy goes around in his little sailor suits with a shirt that keeps changing colour from scene to scene.

The Most Ridiculous Costume Award, however, has to go to Crash Corrigan himself. After saving Sharad’s life he is rewarded with command of the Whitecape army, and spends the rest of the serial in a scaly golden diaper, gladiator sandals, and a helmet that looks like it belonged to a Spartan who dressed as a chicken for Hallowe’en. I love it.

The plot, as is usual for a serial like this, is a nigh-endless series of narrow escapes, breathless chases, near-disasters, and Corrigan doing the one wrestling move he knows, which is picking a guy up over his shoulders and throwing him into a few other guys. People keep saying things like “that’s the end of Crash Corrigan!” and “there’s no chance anyone survived that explosion!” when they really ought to know better. In Radar Men from the Moon and The Phantom Creeps this stuff was pretty tiresome, as it felt like the plot was just wandering around without ever really escalating. In Undersea Kingdom, however, stuff actually happens and even has long-term consequences!

There’s an early scene where it looks as if we’re just going to get more of the repetitive shit, as Crash arrives in the nick of time to save Professor Norton from Unga Khan’s brainwashing machine – in the very next episode, Norton is recaptured and brainwashed anyway. This made me groan, because I was expecting it to go on like The Phantom Creeps’ endless game of Capture the Meteor. Instead, though, it actually moves the plot forward – the rest of the story ended up being about trying to rescue Norton, who didn’t want to be rescued because he’d been brainwashed! Although it did make me wonder why Unga Khan didn’t just put Corrigan in the brainwashing chamber… he had several oppotunities to do so.

While Radar Men from the Moon and The Phantom Creeps made liberal use of stock footage from both newsreels and previous serials, I think almost everything that appears in Undersea Kingdom was actually shot for it. The only notable exceptions are some of the sports sequences in the first episode and the sea battle in the last. Even better, it completely lacks the boring recap episode both of those felt they had to shove in before the climax! Some of the footage, like the shots of dozens of horsemen riding forth from Unga Khan’s underground fortress, is used repeatedly, but you probably wouldn’t notice that if you were watching it week-by-week. Oddly, the horses are the only animals we ever see in Atlantis. I wonder what the people there eat.

I was not looking forward to the episodes being peppered with the ‘hilarious’ ‘antics’ of Briny, Salty, and Sinbad, but to my surprise, they were barely in it. They get captured in the second episode and are completely forgotten about until something like the sixth, where we find them working in an Atlantean boulder mine and ‘comedically’ trying to escape. They must have managed it somehow because they reappear on the submarine at the end, but I think I missed how they did it. Maybe they were so annoying and unfunny that the majority of their scenes were cut.

None of this, of course, is to say that the serial is in any way really good. The costumes are ridiculous, the plot is dumb, and the whole thing is full of gaping holes in the logic, especially where the Atlantean technology is concerned. Unga Khan is able to spy on both Sharad and the Upper World through some kind of Atlantean CCTV, but it only shows him what the plot requires. The Neptune Men have ray guns but can’t hit anything. Unga Khan has a dirigible thing that would have been really useful during the siege scenes but never appears in them. And this applies to the low technology as much as the high kind – all the Atlanteans carry swords and nobody ever stabs anyone.

The weirdest moment is the bit where Corrigan just straight up becomes Hercules and bends prison bars to get through. He even bends them back afterwards, and his pursuers are astonished to find themselves unable to replicate the feat. Why is he able to do that? Does knowing one wrestling move and being able to walk a tightrope (which he does twice to get into or out of a place) grant superhuman strength?

Having been made in the 1930’s, the whole thing is kinda racist and deeply sexist. The racism is pretty mild as these things go – everybody’s white but Unga Khan is made up to look kind of Fu-Manchu-ish because he’s the Bad Guy. The sexism, on the other hand, is pervasive and sometimes puzzling. Everybody refers to Diana, played by twenty-nine-year-old Lois Wilde, as a ‘girl’, even the title cards, but at least she does get to do one useful thing by telling Sharad that Unga Khan is plotting to invade the surface world. Thing is, Diana is the only female character. In the whole serial I think I saw one Atlantean woman and she never spoke. How do you survive in isolation for six thousand years with no women?

I guess it doesn’t matter, since Atlantis wasn’t fated to last any longer. In the second-last episode, Unga Khan’s tower blasts off for the surface, piercing the roof of Atlantis and letting the ocean in. Our heroes escape to the submarine in time to avoid being drowned, but what about, like, everybody else? I think we’re meant to believe that a substantial number of the remaining Atlanteans were killed when Unga Khan bombed the rebel stronghold, but that can’t have been the whole population, can it? Somebody’s gotta be providing food for everybody… there must be farmers and ranchers around, even if we never met them. What happened to them? An entire civilization was just destroyed, and nobody seems to care except me!

The most annoying thing about this is that I think the reason it was written that way was so Crash Corrigan could have a happy ending! When Sharad made him commander, he made Corrigan responsible for the safety of the Atlantean people. If Atlantis hadn’t been flooded, or if anyone had survived, Corrigan would have had to stay and help them. In particular there’s Corrigan’s Atlantean BFF Molock, who owes him a life debt and pledges to follow him until he’s repaid it. If he lived Corrigan would be stuck with him. With the whole place destroyed, our hero is free to return to his naval career with no hitches.

Well, there’s one hitch. At the end Corrigan and Diana get married – despite having spent almost no time together over the course of the story. I guess they live happily ever after or something. I mostly enjoyed Undersea Kingdom, but the way it offhandedly killed all the Atlanteans so there wouldn’t be any consequences pissed me off enough that I refuse to recommend it.

#mst3k #reviews #undersea kingdom #30s

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anchanted-one · 5 years ago

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M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Oh heavens yeah 😆! Several! I'll go into a few of them here.

1. Dust to Dust

This was to be centered around Dust, Bounty Hunter. Grand Champion of the Great Hunt in Arro's universe.

He's a chaotic neutral, leans towards evil.

He only cares about credits, and he's abrasive af. He scares Skadge shitless at times: that's saying something! Despite his love for credits he doesn't do con jobs so Gault is not a fan either.

He can be ruthless if he carries a grudge but he does not have a "Leave no Witnesses behind" attitude unless the job specifies it.

But he's professional enough not to cross his clients, or steal from them. He has a Code of Conduct, or his own peculiar Honor, because of which he is considered a true Mando even by rivals.

But he does have this one soft spot: Juda, the Twi'lek accountant who works for Nemro the Hutt.

Dust to Dust is supposed to be their love-story. He buys Juda's "freedom" (she's not a slave technically, but one doesn't just leave a Hutt's employ), and makes a semi-business, semi-romantic deal with her.

The two marry and are... I guess co-owners of his enterprise? She handles accounts and books, and is also a shrewd investor. They both become fabulously wealthy because of his hunting and her investments. There is also a kind of love between them though I don't think Twi'leks and Besalisks can have sex. She's one of the few who sees his at-home face, where he is easy, soft, gentle and accommodating.

Dust to Dust will follow their successes as both a couple and as partners, till his retirement shortly after Corellia.

The two settle down and try to start a new life on a Cato-Neimoida like world. But Juda is killed in an unexpected shootout that occurs when Republic and Sith Forces cross paths by accident.

Dust hunts down the soldiers, Jedi and Sith on both sides of the conflict, and ends up with Clan Vizla on Rishi. Here he joins the Revanites, intent on hurting both Pubs and Imps.

For anyone else who wondered why the OCs are never approached for joining the Order of Revan.

2. Ciphered Diaries, following my Cipher Nine. This is to be a short story or miniseries.

3. Other Stars and Wars. In hindsight I feel like Luke should never have been able to even lay a finger on Darth Vader. I feel that Luke-Leia relationship was not properly thought out, and inserted partly because of how brilliant Vader's truth was, and partly so that Leia could have a better reason to land up with Han.

I also dislike EU and New Canon books which show Vader as a reckless loose cannon.

Other Stars and Wars is supposed to be in an alternate world where Anakin and Vader are indeed two separate people, and Vader is less of a loose cannon and more of a Grand General, like what we expect Anakin to have become if he had matured without turning. Also, Vader in this universe saves Alderaan because he is BADASS.

4. Ahnika, Arro's successor. She continues Arro's work after he semi- and later fully-retires. The Galaxy reaches its most prosperous peace under her guidance. I don't have a title yet, but this story will be set in the tail end of her saga, and will involve the Order of Zildrog and the planet Malachor. It will lead into a continuation story in Palpatine era Star Wars, where Maul is hunting for a weapon to extract his revenge.

5. My final Star Wars story is more of an essay, than a story. My thoughts on Anakin and his fall to the Dark.

6. Fairy Tail: The Wizard King. This one takes place in the Fairy Tail universe, from the Manga by Hiro Mashima. It follows the story of the Wizard King, who is Immortal and OP by any measure, even those of Dragons. It is meant to be a monologue about what a hero has to become when he can literally solve all of the world's problems with a snap of his finger. A look at morality, agency, and respecting the right of people to their own lives, struggles and victories.

This one is meant to be mostly Manga style comic, much like the source. If I can ever get to it.

7. The vague story of an as-yet nebulous swordsman who journeys the world and has random duels, mostly non-fatal. Bandits, friendly rivalries and competitions and a world with magical beings who rarely have any conflicts with each other. This "story" will mostly be an exercise in gratuitous action.

8. Some stories set around Indian epics, the Ramayana and the Mahabharata. I have had some ideas on this but not really looked into them.

Thanks so much for the ask!

#anchanted-one #star wars #swtor #art #swtor fanfic #Other fanfiction #Original stories #Maybe some Indian Mythology #Answering asks

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la-vita-in-arancione · 5 years ago

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Killer Queen: Chapter 7 - Bohemian Rhapsody

Summary: Arabella Ruth White is the fifth member of the Marauders. And life at Hogwarts certainly isn’t easy. Especially when you have alcohol, relationships, unhealthy music obsessions, a fake stage persona, weird ass friends with weird ass problems and actual school all thrown into the equation. (This story is also on Wattpad and AO3 of the same name. I will always update on Wattpad first.)

A/N: Sorry I didn’t post last week even though I said I would. Half term ended up being busier than planned. We are now up to date with the Watttpad version of this story so that’s something! Enjoy!

Warning(s): swearing, mention of babies because that might be triggering for some people

Word Count: 2.6k+

Taglist: @missqueeniewrites

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I don't often receive owl mail. I just don't. No idea why. My darling bastards of siblings can never be bothered to write to me, claiming that if they send me loads of letters then we'll have nothing to talk about when I get home. Which is fair enough. Even if it does seem a bit rude. But oh well. What are you going to do?

The only good thing about it, however, was that when I did get owl mail, it was always about something important. Some of my favourite letters have been from Rhea telling me that she never intended to speak to Luke ever again, only for her to reverse this statement only one day later; one from Mum telling me that the lady who owned the chippy on the pier had had a baby; and one from Luke telling me that said baby had shat on the carpet of his bedroom and that he now had to share with Rhea.

So, going by this logic, every letter I will ever get while at Hogwarts is guaranteed to be either important, amusing or both. This means it's worth my time. I reminded myself of this when I acquired my first letter of the year on a misty Friday morning which just so happened to be Halloween. As it was a Friday, I was naturally exhausted after the long week we had had (our OWLs must have been catching up with me). This was why I felt the need to remind myself that I absolutely had to read this letter. It could remodel my entire life my life for all I knew. The untidy bordering on illegible handwriting on the envelope clearly told me it was from Mum. I ripped it open and not one but two things were inside: a short letter from Mum and a small parcel which was the unmistakable size and shape of a single vinyl record.

Hello Ruth,

I actually apparated to just outside the school gates to owl this to you as it couldn't wait any longer. This morning Queen released a new single and you'll find it enclosed in the envelope. It's called Bohemian Rhapsody and the B-side is called I'm In Love With My Car. God knows what inspires them to make these songs. Steve from the record shop down the road says both songs are superb and that you'll like them if not love them. No news as to when the album is coming yet.

I hope everything's been going alright at school. How is the "project" going? Please tell me you've started by now, it's not fair on Remus to keep him waiting for this long. Sorry for not owling you sooner but to be honest, nothing much has happened in the two months you've been gone. The only thing really worth noting is that someone tried to shoplift some things from the shop so I threw a bucket and spade at them. They haven't come back since.

Luke and Rhea send their love of course, not that they would ever admit it in the presence of the other. Trixie from next door also asked me to check up on you as she hadn't seen you much all summer. I can't wait for Christmas so you can come back, thankfully it's only less than a couple of months. I'm slowly losing my mind without anyone else here to have an intelligent conversation with.

Love you lots,

Mum xxx

Fuck yes, Mum.

She is an actual savage and I love that so much. Only she would get away with throwing kids toys at thieves. Sounds like he deserved it though. What kind of crackhead would assume they could steal from my mum and get away with it. I made a promise to myself to reply to her after lessons had ended for the day.

But on a more important note. Queen released a new single.

Two new songs.

Holy shitting fuckity fuck on a crumpet.

FINALLY NEW MATERIAL.

AFTER A FUCKING YEAR.

YES.

The gods must have been smiling at me that day for this was a glory that not even Clotho could have foreseen. I unwrapped the record, more carefully this time as to not scratch it, and, true to Steve's word, there was the vinyl: Bohemian Rhapsody. Whatever the fuck that meant. Sounded pretty epic though.

"Are you OK Ruth?" Remus asked, mock concern lacing his voice. He'd given up on trying to teach us how to stay alive years ago, now he merely observed and occasionally saved our lives. Honestly, bless that boy. However, it wasn't until he had asked this question that I realised this wasn't the first time the boys had tried to get my attention since I received the letter.

"I'm fan-fucking-tastic, darling. Never been better," I grinned.

"Now here's the thing, I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not," Peter chuckled, causing me to lightly whack him around the back of the head.

"No, you bloody wanker, I am genuinely joyful."

"Well that's new," Sirius muttered, earning him also a small smack. I would never properly hit any of my friends unless they had absolutely betrayed me. Which was unlikely.

"What's so good about this letter then?" James asked earnestly, just a tad confused.

I smirked at him, "If you come and bunk this lesson with me then you'll find out."

So that's how the boys and I ended up in the Room of Requirement, listening to Queen's latest song, instead of being in Divination.

At some point during my first year, I found out about the Room of Requirement when I overheard a conversation between some 7th years. Upon discovering this, I promptly went to the room's location, wishing for a space for music. A bit vague, I must admit, but at the time, I had merely been searching for a place to keep my record player and vinyls. The room itself was not as plain as I first visualized. Many wooden, modest-sized crates and boxes filled to the brim with my records were scattered around - more of an organised mess than you might expect. Each crate was dedicated to a certain artist who I loved: Queen, Elton John, David Bowie, The Beatles, etc. My scarlet, black and gold record player sat proudly on top of a dark oak cupboard that existed for purely decorative purposes. A grand piano stood on the other side of the spacious room next to a throne of sorts that I felt was necessary to have. A crimson, old-fashioned sofa was positioned at the back of the room with an identical ivory one opposite it. Fairy lights were tangled in just about everything in the room, adding to the general aesthetic rather than any form of assistance. If anything, it was more of a nuisance but I would never sacrifice the atmosphere it presented.

The boys plonked themselves on the leather sofas as I crouched down, carefully placed the record on the turntable and adjusted the speed from the usual 33 RPM to the 45 setting. I put the needle on the rim of the record and sat cross-legged on the floor next to the speakers. I loved to have them right next to my ears whenever I listened to a record for the first time. Especially when it came to Queen – it didn't escape my attention that the sound often went from one speaker to the other. I closed my eyes softly when I heard the familiar crackle that always made me grin like an idiot. There was something about focusing on just my hearing and giving my other senses break. That was how music was supposed to be – for your ears.

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

The strong harmonies rang throughout the room, almost echoing.

Caught in a landslide

No escape from reality

Open your eyes

Look up to the skies and see

The piano started to creep in, gradually getting louder as the song progressed.

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy

Freddie's effortlessly recognisable voice sung alone for a moment, only for the harmonies to make a comeback.

Because I'm easy come, easy go

Little high, little low

The lyrics filled both of my ears, left then right. It was so stereotypically Queen; it was like their seal, their stamp, their trademark that said 'Yeah, we did that'.

Anyway, the wind blows

Doesn't really matter to me, to me

The repetitive notes of the piano and John's wonderful bass sound played alone for a couple of bars.

Mama, just killed a man

Put a gun against his head

Pulled my trigger, now he's dead

Somewhat taken aback by the dark turn the lyrics had taken, I felt goosebumps up and down my arms as a reaction to the melancholic feel of the song.

Mama, life had just begun

But now I've gone and thrown it all away

The song as a whole rose to a crescendo. I could hear the emotion and passion in Freddie's voice – it was almost ethereal.

Mama, ooh, ooh

Didn't mean to make you cry

If I'm not back again this time tomorrow

Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

The volume suddenly decreased. Roger's drumming became more prominent in this verse.

Too late, my time has come

Sends shivers down my spine

Body's aching all the time

Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

Mama, ooh (anyway the wind blows) I don't want to die

I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

The lyrics got darker if that was even possible. The clear, sharp sound of Brian's guitar solo filled every inch of the room. After about half a minute of glorious guitar, all of the instruments were cut short by quiet, staccato piano chords.

I see a little silhouette of a man

Scaramouch, Scaramouch will you do the fandango

I wasn't exactly expecting a full-on choir that was truly just Freddie, Roger and Brian's voices on top of each other, over and over again. I dreaded to imagine how long that must have taken to record.

Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me

Galileo, Galileo, Galileo, Galileo,

Galileo Figaro magnifico

The 'Galileo's made me giggle: how the fuck could Roger sing higher than me? I understand that I'm an alto but he's a bloke!

But I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me

He's just a poor boy from a poor family

Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Easy come easy go will you let me go

Bismillah, no we will not let you go, let him go

Bismillah, we will not let you go, let him go

Bismillah, we will not let you go, let me go

A tiny smile crept its way onto my face at hearing 'Bismillah'. It was a word that I had heard Dorcas say on numerous occasions.

Will not let you go, let me go (never)

Never let you go, let me go

Never let me go, ooh

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me

For me, for me

Roger's ridiculously high voice filled my ears once again, even higher-pitched this time around. Louder, more rock-orientated music blasted out of the speakers of the record player. I couldn't help but bang my head along to it. It was like being hypnotised; you couldn't control your movements.

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye

So you think you can love me and leave me to die

Oh baby, can't do this to me baby

Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

The song quietened down again, not unlike how it had been at the beginning.

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah nothing really matters

Anyone can see nothing really matters

Nothing really matters to me

Anyway, the wind blows

The last line was barely audible but fortunately, I could make out Freddie's voice from my spot next to the speakers. When I finally opened my eyes again, I could see the boys had been straining to hear it. A gong sounded throughout the room, marking the end of the song.

I glanced at the boys, wanting to observe their reactions to the near enough six-minute masterpiece we had just had the privilege of hearing.

"That was definitely worth missing Divination for," Remus chuckled and honestly, that was the best I could have ever hoped for. We spent the next 20 minutes gushing about the song and listening to it again about 2 or 3 times. Only after this did we realise that we hadn't yet listened to the B-side: I'm In Love With My Car. Unsurprisingly, it was written and sung by Roger and was indeed about him being in love with his car. Not quite sure what I was expecting if I'm honest. It turned out to actually be a brilliant song and the boys and I had a blast rocking out to it.

Suddenly I had an epiphany. That absolutely, completely, positively could not wait a moment longer.

So naturally, I had to tell the boys.

"Guys, guys, guys!" I exclaimed, everyone turning their heads to stare at me like they were a clan of meerkats, "Remember our Halloween prank tonight at dinner? Change of plan."

**********

The rest of the day was a fairly normal affair. I could hardly concentrate because my mind was buzzing with thoughts about Queen and our prank tonight. Nothing out of the ordinary then.

By the time dinner came around, the excitement was radiating off us in waves. Somehow, this was the first prank we had done all year, which was certainly saying something. Just as Dumbledore stood up from his seat to give one if his famed speeches, I tapped on the table to signify the start of the prank. Peter took his cue and murmured a charm, making all of the candles suddenly blow out and plunging the Great Hall into darkness. Hushed whispers from confused students were suddenly silenced by the sound of a microphone whistling. This meant Remus had executed his part of the plan, now it was time for James's. Being the best at Transfiguration out of all of us, his job was to transform the metal torches at the tops of the walls into various different instruments - guitars, basses, drums, pianos, gongs, wind chimes, etc. Now for my part. I charmed all of the floating pumpkins in the hall so they would sing. Which song you ask? Bohemian Rhapsody, of course, my dears. I smiled when the familiar voices of Queen echoed all around the Great Hall. Once the acapella part of the song was over, Sirius charmed the newly made instruments so they would play their respective parts when needed. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing: even in the darkness, I could make out some facial expressions that could only be described as a mixture of confusion, annoyance, glee and defeat.

The song seemed to be over before it had even begun, which was a shame. Everyone applauded as we reversed the spells and Dumbledore actually congratulated us in his speech! McGonagall, however, reprimanded us and gave us detentions for disrupting the dinner or some bullshit like that. I personally believed she secretly loved the prank. Maybe the eye roll suggested this as she trooped back to the teacher's table. Or maybe I had imagined it.

Who even knows any more?

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animentality · 6 years ago

Note

are u counting the times Eren had to have Mikasa/the Corps save his ass or the times Eren had more powers than anyone else in ever?

Does it really matter?

If he even ONCE has more powers than everyone ever, then it's fucking shit writing.

Isayama is essentially Rian Johnson right now.

We all expected that after he insulted his friends, he would ultimately need their help.

That's what we'd call normal writing.

You make a character act like a dick, then realize he can't do what he needs to do alone, so he goes back and apologizes, thus experiencing character growth.

Maybe his friends reject him and he has to fight alone and then they come in and save him at the last moment.

Maybe not, maybe they stay him through the emotional wringer but then say alright fine but not for you.

Either way, you fucking do something with that.

Isayama just likes writing shit that he thinks is shocking or epic just to stir the pot.

It's one thing to be an unpredictable writer, it's quite another to set up a story and then fucking derail it cuz you're afraid that people predicting what is going to happen makes a story bad.

It fucking doesn't.

A story that isn't predictable at all is full of ass pulls and bad shoddy shock value writing.

Snk mightve been a wild ride in the beginning, and you were surprised by it, but it still felt like a story that was simply building itself up to a satisfying conclusion that brought everything together.

Now it's just isayama doing his best to try and pull the rug out from under us.

"ohohoh you thought Armin would be the Cold and pragmatic tactician that sends men to their deaths like Erwin, as his spiritual successor??? I know I implied that that was going to happen by paralleling the shiganshina trio to the veterans group, but why don't I just make Armin the same as he's always been and instead Eren is the crazy extremist who's way out of character!!! It's brilliant!!"

That. Is.

Bad.

Writing.

What's wrong with people predicting Armin was going to be the extremist???

That's how you fucking built it up.

You sacrificed Erwin for Armin, and you said Eren and Armin wouldn't be friends anymore.

It made sense for Eren to fall into idealism and wanting to save lives, and for Armin to fall into pragmatism and wanting to do whatever it takes to save eldia.

Mikasa would be torn between them but ultimately go towards Eren because she's just that hoe.

Armin and Jean and Connie would be on the other side, it would've been a wonderful and horrible divide between characters we love.

Hanji and Levi might even be on opposite sides, Levi on Armin's side since his risky manuevers and status as Erwin's successor would force him to choose his side while Hanji would rather side with the attack Titan and keep an eye on him.

Maybe even double cross him when the time was right.

We could've had so much from this arc, we could've set up Eren to go against his own friends.

But isayama fucking hates it when we figure out where he's going, so he thinks good writing is literally flipping 100 chapter of character development and tossing the churned up mess down the toilet.

Eren's the extremist, Armin is the same as he's always been, except he's actually not involved with the fucking plot even though he's literally the colossal Titan.

Mikasa still has no character arc of her own and basically just only recently started to show a character of her own outside of Eren.

Jean and Connie are useless and have done nothing that a nameless extra could've have done.

Floch is such a pig.

Sasha died for some rando's character development and for an utter lack of development for Gabi, a bad, bad Eren expy.

Porco, Pieck, Whatever dude, I barely even remember their fucking names.

Their characters are so utterly pointless that you could've cut them entirely and just had unknown Titan shifters for Eren to fight, and it wouldn't have made much of a difference.

So isayama is the Rian Johnson of anime.

And snk's current arc might as well be called Titan Wars: The Last Shifter.

be ready for fifteen b plots and no satisfying conclusion or story progression at all for the next five months.

#snk #attack on titan

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iknownothingihearnothing · 6 years ago

Text

Game of Thrones 8.2 “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms”

So, we’ve come to the “calm before the storm” episode.

Literally, I guess, considering winter is finally here.

Taking bets now on who bites the big one in the Battle of Winterfell next week. A Stark is probably going to fall because it’s been quite a while since we lost one.

Sorry, Rickon.

Sansa is probably safe, since she’s not fighting, but GoT likes to fuck with us. I call 50/50 equally between Arya and Bran in Westerosi Woulette. If I had to pick one, I’d pick Bran because he is now a robot and Arya breaks my heart but...

As for the remaining players, well, Jaime always said he’d die in the arms of the woman he loved, and we all know he loves Brienne so it’d be a fitting end to his character arc. Started out as a Kingslayer, ended up dying fighting for his daughter in the arms of a woman he derided until now.

Lo how many of us would be so sad panda over the premature exit of Nickolaj Coster-Waldau from the show.

He could just as easily survive, tho! Remember, Maggy the Frog’s prediction was that one of Cersei’s brothers would kill her, and how boring and predictable would it be if it were Tyrion? Besides, he already slew Tywin.

That was only mentioned in the books, however, not on the series. Gah! All so complicated, this mythos.

Furthermore, Brienne could potentially fall in battle. Dany I see surviving just because she’s gotta kick Cersei’s butt. Or at least march on King’s Landing. Jon will probably make it, too. Gendry is up in the air.

Theon is probably a goner but we’ll see. There’s a spark of hope there. Please, for all that is holy, do not kill Tormund, he is our shining star.

Even his eyes are light.

Tormund, you are delightful.

Which means of course he’s gonna die, oh Seven Hells. No one anyone actually likes lives on this show.

Alrighty, Thronesians, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty!

Last episode ended with Ser Jamie “Fuck You, Cersei” Lannister riding up into dat North on his horsey to fight for Team Alive, when, upon descending, his eyes settle upon...

You see that look on Jaime’s face? That is the look of someone who has just realized he is oh so much deeper shit than he initially anticipated.

As the episode opens, Jaime is facing a trial at the Great Hall, not unlike the one Tyrion had back in season four following the Joff’s death (presumably this one won’t end with any squishing of heads...or will it?!). Daenerys is not amused. Jaime is, after all, the dude who stabbed her father in the back and slit his throat. That’s how he got his nickname, the Kingslayer. Mad King or not, Aerys was still her father and his death led to her family losing the Iron Throne after his most trusted advisor killed him and watched him bleed to death.

It’s kinda something a person holds a grudge against, you know?

(And if they all die soon, that grudge will still be there, I’ve seen it happen and so has Sarah Michelle Gellar)

Dany is all “Your sisbitch promised us an army, there ain’t no army, broseph” and Jaime’s like “There ain’t dat, Your Grace” and it’s the first time we’ve heard Jaime refer to anyone other than his sisterlover as that title. Grudging, maybe (there’s that word again) but if he wants to fight for Team Still Breathing, he’s gotta eat some crow. And we ain’t talking about the the fellows of the Night’s Watch.

That’s my favorite gym shirt. Whenever I get tired on the treadmill, I just look down at my shirt, and laugh. And also wish I’d worn a better sports bra.

Jaime confesses she lied about sending the Lannister army North and that “we” are alone fighting the dead.. And Dany’s all “we”? And Jaime professes that he promises to fight for the living and he intends on keeping that promise. Tyrion tries to stand up for him, that he knows his brother, but Dany’s in NO mood after Tyrion’s repeated screw-ups--while Tyrion is quite the clever man, sometimes clever people can become cocky and that has seemed to have occurred with Dany’s Hand...a few times--and cuts in icily “Like you knew your sister?” Tyrion tries to reason that Jaime wouldn’t come here and put his ass on the line if he wasn’t serious. But Daenerys remains...unconvinced.

Dany has gone as icy as her hair. She is not okay with this. And right now, she has icicles for eyes.

If she survives the Battle of Winterfell, she may not need her dragons. All she’ll need to take out Cersei is stare her down like that. Hell, I’m scared and I’ve already bent the knee. Don’t set me on fire, Dany.

Sansa agrees with Dany for the first time since she arrived in Winterfell, throwing aside their little “I don’t like my brother’s new girlfriend even though she brought TWO ARMIES AND DRAGONS TO SAVE OUR FROZEN REAR ENDS” battle of wills.

Sansa lists all the crappy shit Jaime’s done to her family and Jaime insists they were at war and he’d do it again. That is when BranBot babbles “The things I do for love”, echoing Jaime’s remarks from the pilot before he pushed Young Bran out the window but in a much less human, more Twilight Zone-y way.

Jaime:

Daenerys wonders why he has abandoned his House and family now and Jaime argues that this is above loyalty; this is about survival. That is when Brienne, the badass mofo, jumps to her feet and argues Jaime’s case. Ser Jaime is a man of honor who defended Brienne against men who tried to force themselves on her. He is the reason Sansa and Arya are alive, as he passed his oath to Catelyn to keep her daughters safe onto Brienne. Sansa nods and agrees he should stay, as she trusts Brienne with her life.

Dany asks how Jon feels about it, and he concedes that they need every man they can get. Dany, obviously reluctant, agrees with an icy “Very well”, and signals to Grey Worm to arm him. Which he does, but while giving Jaime this look:

Don’t cross Grey Worm. He’s lived through getting his junk sliced off. He will eff you up, he ain’t afraid of shit.

When the trial concedes, Dany rises and looks up at her new BF, but Jon quickly gets the hell out of there. While she stands there, confused, the rest of us watching are like--

We feel bad for Dany, and we also feel Jon/Aegon’s WTFery. He just found out he’s half-Targaryen, after all, and the woman he’s been Queening is his aunt. Jon loves her, and it’s not like he can ghost her. They’re fighting an epic battle in a day or two.

Brienne and Jaime catch eyes as they depart and we’re left to wonder if it’s simply two warriors’ mutual respect or Something More.

Tyrion, ever the faithful Hand, is beseeching Dany as she storms down the hall. He believed Cersei was sending an army; he’s either a traitor or a fool. Tyrion admits he was a fool, and not for the first time. Cersei is still sittin’ pretty (and batshit bananas) in King’s Landing and if he can’t help Dany take back the Iron Throne, she’ll find another Hand who can.

Yeah, Dany be pisssssssed. It probably doesn’t help that her boyfriend’s avoiding her and she has no idea why.

Oh, to be a woman in power.

Down in the Forge, Gendry’s makin’ weapons out of Dragonglass all sweaty and stuff and Arya seems to appreciate the view.

Well. ARE YA feelin’ the call of the wild, there, milady? ARE YA?

Once she’s done checking him out, Arya asks Gendry if he’s made her weapon yet. He says he will once he’s finished making a few thousand more of the Dragonglass knives. Arya then asks if Gendry’s ever faced a wight before, and what they’re like. She is patently not satisfied with his reply of “Really bad”.

Gendry: “I know you’re not afraid of rapers or murderers or...but this is different. This is Death. You wanna know what they’re like? Death.”

Arya blinks, then picks up three of the Dragonglass weapons and nonchalantly hurls them into the wall behind Gendry. “I know Death. He has many faces.”

She asks about her weapon again, he promises to get right on it, and she leaves while Gendry stands there looking a combination of impressed, scared, and mildly turned on.

In the Godswood, Bran is sitting beneath his massive tree when Jaime decides to work up the balls (You know, the ones that Varys doesn’t have, right, Tyrion?) to confront him and apologize for, IDKKKKKKKKKKK, pushing him out a window, crippling him, and leaving him for dead years earlier.

*da-dum. da-dum. dum dum dum dum dum dum*

Jaime doesn’t beat around the bush and instantly says sorry for what he did. BranBot is not angry. The fact is, if Jaime hadn’t have pushed him out of that window, he’d still be Brandon--

--Stark.

Jaime, perplexed, is all, “You’re not?”, I guess thinking that Bran has been possessed but nah he is just “something else, now”. Bran Stark got an upgrade and he is now BranBot 2.0.

Jaime asks why he didn’t tell anyone it was him. He replies that Jaime couldn’t help them win against the dead if he was killed horribly before the battle began which is a--

Then Jaime inquires about after and BranBot is all “How do you know there will be an after?” and Jaime’s like:

I’m gonna start collecting caps of Jaime just reacting to bad news. His faces are delightful.

In the courtyard, Tyrion and Jaime reunite, though it’s certainly not reminiscent of dem Stark feels; Lannisters don’t express emotion that way. Perhaps through goblets of wine and a sarcastic comment.

Like Tyrion’s when three Northern men gathered above them literally spit at Jaime’s presence:

They walk talking about Daenerys for a bit--yes, she is different than her father; yes, Tyrion does believe in her--and bemoans that he overestimated Cersei’s claim that her new child “changed her”, which, of course, it has not. But no, she was not lying about that in particular. Jaime claims that she lied to everyone, him most of all, but Tyrion ain’t falling for it. “You always knew exactly who she was and you loved her anyway.”

Upstairs, they continue talking. Tyrion says idly that they’re going to die at Winterfell. It’s not the death Jaime would’ve chosen, nor Tyrion. Tyrion always wanted to die at eighty, with a belly full of wine and--Jaime repeats--a woman’s mouth around his cock.

Ah, brothers.

While Tyrion continues that at least he’ll get to deny Cersei the pleasure of killing him herself, Jaime walks to the edge of the balustrade and watches Brienne train Podrick. I don’t think I’m imagining the doofy little smile on his face.

Downstairs, Brienne is instructing Podrick on the follow-through with a fond smile on her face. The lady who didn’t need a squire has now grown pretty attached to him. Like a kitten you were forced to take care of.

Jaime shambles to her side and she confirms that she is commanding the left flank. They talk normally, weirdly normally, for a minute until Brienne’s all--

Brienne has had enough of this niceness nonsense. Jaime has never been in Brienne’s presence for this long without insulting her, not one damn time. Jaime asks her if he wants him to insult her, like maybe Brienne has a masochist kink we’re not aware of (why not? The dragons have a cuckold-mommy porn one), and she’s like:

And we at home watching are--

--cus she actually kinda does a little bit if she held this torch for Jaime this long knowing he kept lobbing insults at her like spitballs. And Brienne’s so shocked at this blatant display of Nice Jaime she goes like--

Just like us wominz, amirite? We only like guys when they’re assholes. He lost a hand for you! So unappreciative. Drop your sword fighting bizzness and get back in that kitchen! Make him a sammich with it.

(Just in case that wasn’t obvious; if I had a nickel for every person who misread my disdain, I’d at least be able to pay for my own Pac Man machine with them)

Elsewhere in Winterfell, Dany is gazing into the hearth, I guess because Ye Olde Westerosi Netflyxxe hasn’t been invented yet, when Jorah enters behind her and asks his Khaleesi to forgive him. He’s made lots of mistakes, that she has already pardoned him for, but he confesses that when he learned she made Tyrion her Hand instead of him, it broke his heart. She didn’t know she’d ever see him again, but Jorah insists she made the right choice. Though Jorah never thought much of Tyrion--the Seven Faced God knows he never shut up between Meereen and Volantis--but he has a clever, strategic mind, something Dany needs to win back the Iron Throne. She insists, with that scary AF icy stare, that he’s made mistakes, but, well, haven’t they all? And if Jorah would stick up for the dude who stole his position, Dany figures he’s got a point.

And Jorah also has another request.

That second request is obviously “Get Sansa on your good side because we kinda have to stay here for a bit and the Northerners won’t trust you if she doesn’t”. So Dany goes to extend an olive branch to Sansa, and at first, it seems to be working. They bond over their shared history of family weirdness and being badass ladies who literally rule. “Who are doing a damn good job at it, as far as I can tell.”

But Dany has noticed that they’ve been at odds with each other, because of Jon? Sansa replies that men to dumbass things for women and they’re easily manipulated, but Dany’s here, having only knowing “Get the Iron Throne, damnit!” all her life, after meeting Jon, with two armies and dragons. Who manipulated whom? Sansa smiles and agrees, she should have thanked her when she arrived.

Logic, Sansa. It’s not just for the Vulkans, you know.

They gossip like girlfriends for a minute, even clasping hands over the table, until Sansa asks what’s gonna happen afterwards. If they defeat the dead, destroy Cersei? Dany will take the Iron Throne, but Sansa wants to know about the North. It was taken from them, they took it back, and they swore that they’d never bow to anyone ever again.

Well. I guess Dany and Sansa aren’t gonna go shopping or getting mani/pedis together any time soon.

Their little “chat” is fortuitously interrupted by Lord Wolkan, who escorts Dany and Sansa to a newly arrived Theon. Bending the knee, Theon informs Dany that Yara has sailed to the Iron Islands to take them back in her name, but he came to Winterfell to fight for the living. Is...is everyone cool with that?

Sansa surely is.

If you remember, and if you don’t, you’d be forgiven because this show has more layers than an onion, Theon saved Sansa from Ramsay, altering her fate being stuck as Lady Bolton. But let’s be real: Theon doesn’t have much of a chance in Westerosi Woulette.

In town, Davos is assuring a pants-shittingly terrified Northener, while ladling soup, that he’s a soldier now and if he, Davos, a man who had spent his life avoiding war, could survive some epic battles so could he. Oh, Davos may be a goner, too. He’s been bragging about his dumb luck too much and the Seven Faced God doesn’t like that.

A little girl named Teela wants to fight, too, like her brave brothers. But Gilly convinces her that she’d be relieved to have her down in the crypt protecting her and her son.

The horn sounds and the hunting party arrives back at Winterfell! Huzzah! Jon aims to greet Dolorous Edd but Tormund intercepts him with a bear hug and a “My little crow!”

Oh, Tormund.

The Merry Men inform Jon that the Umbers are fighting for the Night King now. And so is anyone west of Winterfell, most like. The dead will be here before sun up.

They’ll prepare. They’ll train until their knuckles bleed.

But first...

Tormund appreciates him a powerful lady.

On the outskirts, Jon narrates as our armies test out the many weapons created especially for this battle at the Forge. Including this awesome catapult:

Gonna save the motherfuckin’ day, yeah.

In the war room, all our players are assembled. Jon and Sansa posit that the dead follow the Night King because he made them, so if he falls, they’ll be easier targets. Jon figures ol’ Nighty won’t be showing himself and he’ll stay hidden but BranBot negates that. He’ll come for BranBot, as he has come for many Three Eyed Ravens before him, because Nighty wants to erase the world and BranBot is its memory.

Oh, BranBot. You make it too easy.

BranBot offers himself up as bait to lure in the Night King, and Theon in turn offers to protect him. Because he took the castle from him once and he’s gonna make up for that.

Tyrion also suggests joining Davos in fighting fire against ice, but Dany negates that. Though Tyrion has fought in battle before, Dany needs Tyrion for his mind if they all survive this. He needs to live and thus will be in the crypt with Sansa, Gilly, and Co.

It’s kinda Dany’s way of saying “I know you fucked up in the past but I have faith in you as my Hand again...largely because Jorah gave me a stern talking-to.”

Then, they talk about the dragons. Should they be in the field or protecting BranBot? Would dragonfire work against the dead? They turn to BranBot, who seems to have all the answers, but not even Westeros’ answer to a SIM card knows. No one has tried in the past.

There’s a melancholy pause, like everyone at that damn table knows their fates are sealed. But Tormund, as always, prefers to look on the bright side:

Starting the #TormeoandBrienniet hashtag now.

Everybody begins to disperse. Dany looks at Jon expectantly but Jon only nods with a quick “Your Grace” and Dany’s left there like--

Dany may be in the race for the Iron Throne, First of her Name, Breaker of Chains, Queen of the Andals, whatever the hell, but she is still a young woman in her twenties with her second boyfriend after the premature loss of her Dothraki hubby (RIP Khal Drogo), and her second only love (sorry, Daario Naharis). Behind all those Targaryen walls, she’s still just a girl, confused why her boyfriend is being a dick. We’ve all been there.

After everyone else disperses, Tyrion turns to BranBot and comments that he’s had a “strange journey”. BranBot’s like “yeah, man”. Tyrion wants to hear all about it, and it’s a good thing they’re holed up in a vacancy in the middle of winter so he has plenty of time.

Outside, Grey Worm approaches Missandei. After Dany takes the Iron Throne, there won’t be much need for them. While he’s loyal to his Queen and will fight to the death for her, once her enemies are defeated, he wants to take Missandei and go...away. From the North, from K.L., from Westeros entirely, not that I blame him one iota. Missandei would like to go to the island of Naath, where she was born and raised before being kidnapped and made a slave. And Grey Worm promises to take her there, where he will protect her and her people.

Upstairs, Jon is commiserating with Sam that, no, he has not told Dany that, technically, they are related yet. But the important thing is we see a glimpse of Ghost for the first time since the end of season 6!

I hope Jon has many treats for Ghost. Are there any Ye Olde Westerosi Mylkbones?

Mr. Edd joins them on their watch. Jon suggests that Sam join Gilly and Little Sam in the crypt, but Sam wants to fight. After all, he was the first to kill a White Walker. He’s killed Thenns!

Mr. Edd: “Thenn.”

And Sam has stolen books from the Citadel. He is a rebel, damnit! Well, Mr. Edd muses out loud, if Samwell Tarly is a Slayer of White Walkers and a Lover of Ladies, now they know how fucked they are.

Inside, Jaime and Tyrion are staring at the hearth (that hearth is so entertaining!), Tyrion musing that he’d like to see his father’s face when he discovered that his two sons were about to die fighting to defend Winterfell. Tyrion remembers the first time they were here. Jaime was a golden lion and Tyrion was a whoremongerer. Correction: Jaime was sleeping with his sister, and Tyrion had one friend in the world who was sleeping with his sister. But Jaime’s golden lion days are dunzo, and Tyrion’s whoremongering ones are not an option anymore.

Brienne and Podrick join them and, soon, so do Davos and Tormund. Tormund suggestively says to Brienne that this may be their last night alive and she stutters that she’s glad he’s here fighting with them and survived Eastwatch.

He then tells Jaime, the King Killer, about why he’s called Giantsbane. He killed a Giant when he was a lad, then got into bed with his wife, who thought he was her baby and suckled him to her breast for two months.

Jaime:

They could not have died without knowing that Tormund fed from literal giant tiddies for two months.

Outside, Arya confronts the Hound, who offers her a drink (and is, at first, wigged out at how quiet she is). Why is he here? He’s never fought for anyone but himself, yet he joined the Brotherhood, and he went beyond the Wall to catch a wight with Jon.

Beric Dondarrion soon joins them, addresses Arya as “my lady”, and begins babbling about the Lord of the Light. The Hound rolls his eyes and tells him the Lord of the Light would wonder why he brought him back all those times just for him to chuck Beric over this wall. The Hound passes him a drink and Arya begins to leave, throwing over her shoulder that she ain’t spending her last hours with “two miserable old shits”.

Ah, Arya. Never change.

You know, if you survive tonight.

Instead, Arya goes off to practice shooting arrows when Gendry shows up with her freshly made weapon. First, they start talking about Melisandre, what she wanted with him, and he confesses to being Robert B’s bastard and she needed his blood for a spell. There were leeches and shit.

Arya wonders if that was the first time he’d been with a woman, and when he protests (like no, having leeches all over your dick isn’t exactly a good time, or maybe it is for some people, I don’t know your life) she probes him further: has he been with loads of women in K.L. or what?

Gendry’s like “Uh yeah” and she asks how many. He buffs his knuckles on his chest, hi-fives someone off-camera, and replies “I didn’t keep count” and she calls bullshit. “One? Two? Twenty?”

And then this happens:

Arya can never be accused of not voicing exactly what--or in this case, who--she wants.

Get it, grrl!

Gendry looks both flabbergasted and delighted.

Arya demands Gendry take his bloody pants off because she’s in charge here, damnit.

I read an interview Maisie Williams gave just after this episode aired of her reaction after she read that script. At first, she thought David and D.B. were joking, as they were wont to do, but when she realized they were srs, she about shat herself and wondered if she needed to go to the gym. Sophie Turner, her bestie, has been teasing her relentlessly. She just posted a video of herself saying Joe Dempsie “got that pussayyyyyyyy”. Must feel weird for him. He’s known her since she was a little-un and now he has to do that thing on camera with her.

Around the hearth, our unlikely group of allies are still sitting around chatting. Tyrion comments on all the battles the people gathered here have survived. Ser Davos--the Battle of Blackwater and the Battle of the Bastards. Ser Jaime--fabled hero of the Siege of Pyke, fabled loser of the Battle of Whispering Wood (these are awesome battle names). Lady Brienne, who is not a Ser because women cannot be knights, defeated the Hound. Tormund scoffs to blast tradition! If he were king, he’d knight her ten times.

I’m sure he would.

But Jaime insists a king is not necessary; any knight can make another knight. So after some stubborn disbelief from Brienne--who claims she doesn’t even wanna be a knight, thanks, it’s cool, though we all know she totally does--the lady rises with an incredulous look on her face and kneels before Jaime while everyone else in the room watches.

Tapping his sword against her shoulders, Jaime recites:

In the name of the Warrior, I charge you to be brave,

In the name of the Father, I charge you to be just,

In the name of the Mother, I charge you to defend the innocent.

Then, she rises, a knight of the Seven Kingdoms.

The title of this episode both refers to Brienne and Jaime, methinks.

Brienne could very well die in a few hours (sob) but at least she fulfilled her life’s wish--she became a knight.

Outside, Jorah and Lyanna Mormont are arguing. She fully intends to fight and he’s balking at the idea. She’s the future of their House, and she’d be safer in the crypt.

But Lyanna, that monument of badassery, is dressed up as a knight and has no inclination to hide in the crypt. She fought before; she can do it again. But she wishes her cousin good fortune in the battle to come.

Bad. Ass.

Sam appears with his family sword, Heartsbane. He wants to give it to Jorah to use in battle because lort knows he can’t wield it himself. Jorah’s father taught him how to be an honorable man, taught him what’s right, and Jorah will wield the sword in his name.

Before Sam departs, he leaves Jorah with thus:

Inside Winterfell, our drunk allies have run out of wine (Lannisters without wine is like a car without an engine), so Tyrion suggests a sing-along. Unfortunately, neither Davos, Brienne, nor Tormund know any songs. (Lol could you imagine what Tormund would sing? It’d be something about giantess bewbies) But Podrick does.

I’m told that Florence + the Machine sing this song in the credits. But, yanno I’m Deaf Chick.

As the song plays, everyone is off doing their own thing. Sam, Gilly, and Little Sam are in bed. Sansa and Theon are outside playing a game and exchanging cow eyes.

This is why I think Theon has a wee chance. He could end up Sansa’s...well, Jon is the Warden of the North. Would he be...Lord Greyjoy? Lord Winterfell? Man...of Winterfell?

Arya is in bed with Gendry.

Grey Worm and Missandei kiss passionately before he goes off to join the rest of the Unsullied to prepare for battle.

Really. There is so much love in Winterfell tonight. Whether it be friendly, let’s get drunk together love, experimental love, burgeoning love, or desperate love.

Who is not particularly feelin’ the love right now? Dany. So she goes to the crypt to confront Jon, who has been, to her, randomly ignoring her all day.

Jon is looking up at the sarcophagus of Lyanna Stark when Dany enters. When he sees her, he offers a pained smile, and she approaches with evident relief, but it obvs doesn’t last. Now is the time to tell her. She asks who he’s looking at, and when he tells her, she murmurs that she was told her brother was decent and kind, but he raped Lyanna, which we know is false. Jon corrects her; they loved each other and married in secret. When Rhaegar was killed, Lyanna had a son. Who was given to Lyanna’s brother on her deathbed, with a promise that he’d protect her son.

Dany’s face as she realizes Jon is talking about himself:

He tells her his real name, Aegon Targaryen. She’s like “That’s impossible! Who told you this?” He says BranBot and Sam, the first who, er, :”saw” it with BranVision and the second who read about the marriage at the Citadel. At first, Dany tries to push the notion that the story could be made up, known as it is only by Jon’s brother and his bestie. But Jon knows deep in his gut that it’s true.

Dany: If it is true, it’d make you the last male heir of House Targaryen. You’d have a claim on the Iron Throne.

Jon:

Jon is kinda freaked that Dany doesn’t seem to give a second’s thought to their being related and all. And she should know that he doesn’t want the Iron Throne. Like, at all. But I read an interview with Emilia Clarke that defended her character’s reaction. And it makes sense. Dany grew up in an incestuous environment. Hell, she was supposed to marry her own damn brother. But the Iron Throne...she’s been working for that her entire life, it’s all she knows, to get back what rightfully belongs to her House. And here is Jon coming out of left field and he has a claim on it and he doesn’t even want it!

Alas, they don’t have time to discuss their relationship. The White Walkers are a-comin’! A horn sounds and Dany and Jon race to the roof of Winterfell to join Tyrion. Battle is about to begin.

Indeed.

This episode was great! It really delved into the psyche of our favorites, explored where everyone’s at, allowed them to just be for a while before all hell breaks loose. It makes the inevitable deaths we fear on Sunday all the richer, and more painful.

Aye. Sunday’s episode is gonna be epic. And terrible, in the best way.

#game of thrones #game of thrones recap #game of thrones 8 #Lena Heady #nickolaj coster-waldau #isaac hempstead wright #maisie williams #Sophie Turner #gwendoline christie #kristofer hivju #peter dinklage #iain glen

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