#or enjoying something despite it being bad

[ramblings-of-a-chaotic-neutral]

Hello everyone! Here's a new au for you all! Don't worry, I'm still going to be doing a part 3 for the Disir au, but this is something for you all while you wait! Enjoy! :D

This au takes place in a modern setting where Merlin has been waiting for Arthur for over 1500 years. Merlin believes that Arthur will rise directly from the lake, as Kilgharrah led him to believe, but in actuality, Arthur, Gwen, and all the knights were reincarnated and born into new lives without any memory of their past lives.

In this modern setting, Arthur's reincarnation, Arthur Penn, works for a top-secret task force in MI6, known as the Knights. The Knights are tasked with monitoring and hunting down dangerous otherworldly or supernatural threats.

The Knights task force was successful for many years, up until one fateful mission. The team was exploring a cave with high levels of strange radiation, which usually indicated strong supernatural forces. While they didn’t encounter anything in the cave, agent Lance DuLac got separated from the group somehow and was missing for several hours before they found him sitting in front of some crystals, seemingly entranced. 

While he was physically fine, Lance was never quite the same afterwards, having strange dreams or speaking in an unknown language at random. Since one of their best agents was left near-insane and they didn't even find anything, that mission was deemed a disaster, which led to the Knights getting disbanded by their superiors. 

After the Knights were disbanded, Arthur was put on several solo missions, hunting down supernatural creatures, but he eventually got a new mission. 

MI6 had been following and observing an entity known as Emrys for decades, ever since the 1930’s, when reports of an “immortal man” first reached intelligence agencies. 

Ever since Emrys's immortality and presence through history was confirmed, MI6 always had someone trailing him and documenting his actions. However, he had never shown any real threat to humanity despite his estimated power level sitting at that of a god’s. In fact, the only documented case of any sort of power from that they had observed in their 90 years of tailing him was during WWII, when a bomb was dropped over his little cottage and he made it disappear with a wave of his hand. 

Over the years, the post of watching Emrys had become the most laid-back and least threatening job in the entire supernatural department of MI6. After all, he had never hurt anyone in the entire time that they had watched him, so all an agent had to do was keep their distance and they’d be fine. Hell, it was practically a 9 to 5 job. It was, as far as jobs within the supernatural department went, extremely boring. 

Which made agent Arthur Penn extremely overqualified for the post. Unfortunately, agent Gwaine Greene, who had been assigned to Emrys post in the years following the Knights’ disbandment, had been running his mouth to their superiors that Arthur was too high strung and throwing himself into one dangerous mission after the next and needed a lighter mission to cool down. And, even more unfortunately, their superiors had listened to that loudmouth.

So now Arthur was being assigned to watch an old man for an unspecified amount of time. Yay, this was exactly what he hoped his career as an agent at MI6 would look like. Agent coordinator Gwen Smith gave him his debrief, showing him the extensive file that MI6 had on Emrys, his abilities, his routine, and his alternate appearances, because apparently this bloke could change his age as well. 

So, Arthur begins his new assignment with a generally bad attitude, but he still performs his duties. Arthur tails Emrys, during which time Emrys mostly sticks to the routine that Gwen had showed him: walking around a nearby lake every morning, then going into town for lunch and to chat with locals about mundane things like the weather, going back home, reading and writing and cooking and cleaning, and then going to bed. Rinse and repeat. 

However, as the weeks go by, Arthur notices something… strange. All the previous agents who had post had reported that, even if he knew they were trailing him, Emrys never really paid them much attention. A passing glance or a knowing smile perhaps, but never anything overt. A few years ago, one agent even made the bold move of having a drink next to Emrys in a pub, and Emrys had only asked him if he was "off the clock". If Emrys was upset about being followed, he certainly didn't show it.

So this? This had never happened to any of the other agents watching Emrys before.

A few weeks into his new post, Emrys had started… staring at Arthur. The stares were accompanies by an unnerving feeling, like Arthur was an insect pinned against a microscope. Like Emrys was looking into Arthur very soul and judging him for something. 

The feeling of being watched by Emrys made the hairs of the back of Arthur's neck rise, just like whenever he was facing down monsters that looked like they crawled out of humanity's worst nightmares. He was the one supposed to do the watching, not the other way around!

After only three days of Emrys's petrifying stares, Arthur decided to go back to headquarters and give them an update. If Emrys's behavior had changed so suddenly, it might be a sign that the entity was planning something bigger, and they needed to be prepared for anything the immortal could throw their way.

Arthur's paranoia at being watched must have really gotten to him over the past few days though, because for the entire trip back to London, he swore he could see glimpses of Emrys out of the corner of his eyes. But every time he whirled around to see if Emrys truly was following him, there was nothing there. Besides, Emrys had never once left that little town by the lake in over 90 years. Why would he leave now?

Arthur arrived back at headquarters by the end of the day, and he quickly arranged a meeting with his superiors. If Emrys was plotting something, the entire supernatural division had to go on high alert.

About halfway through through the meeting, however, the lights started to flicker and the entire building started to shake, as if a massive earthquake was happening. Everyone sprang into action, weapons in hand and ready for any attack, but Arthur's eyes went wide with panic. He knew, somehow, what- or who- was behind this.

Sure enough, a guard burst into the room a couple second later, yelling about how Emrys was in the lobby making demands and shaking the earth with his anger.

Arthur and his bosses ran out to the lobby and were met with a horrible sight: Emrys standing at their front door with the guards' weapons disintegrating before they could even take aim at him.

"I will not ask you again. Where is he?"

Emrys's voice was more impatient than furious, but the threat of his power was more than enough to send a shover down everyone's spine, Arthur's most of all. Because while his superiors and fellow agents were frantically whispering to each other, trying to figure out who Emrys could be referring to, Arthur knew. There was only one mortal Emrys had shown any interest in over the past 90 years, after all.

"He's after me." The whispering of the agents around Arthur ceased as a horrified hush fell over the group. "I don't know why, but he's looking for me."

The agents around him shared a look, which slowly morphed from terrified to determined.

"Then we have to make sure he doesn't get to you," Gwaine said, uncharacteristically solemn. "Whatever reason he wants you for, it can't be good for anyone."

The other agents around them nodded and murmured in agreement, even as their voices were quickly drowned out by the rumbling of the building around them and the sounds of gunfire and screams behind them.

Suddenly, Lance, who had been silent the entire time, cut in.

"I know a back way out of the building. I can sneak Arthur through the back and escape to a safehouse, somewhere Emrys can't find us."

"No, absolutely not. I won't run away and leave you all to fight-"

"Arthur." Gwen's voice cut off his denial. "For all we know, if he gets his hands on you, he could become even more dangerous. Please, if not for your sake, then for everyone's: don't let him get to you."

Arthur swallowed thickly, holding back tears. Lance looked at him, his face growing more and more panicked as the sounds of conflict grew closer and closer to their hiding spot.

"Alright, I'll go, but I expect to see all of you when I get back. You told me not to let him get ahold of me, but the same goes for all of you: no dying on me today, got it? Especially not to some ancient bloke."

His friends smiled and nodded at him, and Lance took his arm and started leading him through the building, running down narrow hallways and darkened corridors until they reached a small, hidden exit on the side of the building, disguised among the building's brick exterior. The two of them burst out of the building into the adjacent alleyway, out of breath from their frantic sprint.

"Alright, where to now? How do we get to this safehouse of yours?"

Lance turned to face Arthur, but there was something strange about him. His face looked oddly conflicted and... guilty?

"I'm sorry, Arthur."

"What? Lance, what are you-"

Arthur froze as a figure stepped into entrance to the alley, blocking the only escape route. Arthur's hands reached for his gun, but he froze as two burning golden eyes stared into his soul.

And then, the world around him went dark.

I hope you all enjoyed this au! To clarify, Lance was trapped in the crystal cave and saw his memories of his past life as Lancelot, which led to him seeking out Merlin and forming a plan with him to get Arthur assigned to Emrys watching post so that Merlin could take Arthur to the crystal cave and finally reunite with his king.

And, as always, thank you for reading through my ramblings! :D

[ametunns]

THIS CONCEPT IS SO FAMILIAR WITH THE CAGE. And this idea can't leaving me-

Below I'll discuss the character Keeper in the BATDR; some guesses about the role of this new character in the Cage. Enjoy reading!

# The Keepers. In the BATDR >>>

ofc in the ink world this versions of the Keepers are works because -

a giant gear in the spine is not bad for balance when picked up a weight stuff in forward;

the third hand is nice for supporting a thing or a person (not just for correcting its back lol/j);

ability to flying is actually about movement, way to make a painful high-speed strike by massive left hand / catching by right hand. Рerhaps "crawling" on appendages rather than legs makes it easier to walk around the ruins of the studio. And once again - they can fly.

Despite the fact that they have yellow inside, which indicates the presence of a soul, they do not react to the Signal Towers. I can only suggest that Wilson created "Yellow ink", and inside Keeper are not "Golden ink". Otherwise the Golden ink would have provided a link to Demon power, and metal octopus would have been against Wilson sooner or later.

...I personally think that it is easier to get the lost one's soul with the help of saws, and then start changing the soul in order to place it inside something. Like make a "soul semblance" - "Yellow ink" as I called it; get fairly similar minds, which is ideal for Keeper.

In case he's design looks silly, slowly moved, pretty blind because of the game mechanic-

but if you take them as those who can:

performs certain tasks,

move through space almost without interference,

catch the intruder,

conduct an experiment,

or even performing small construction work (for example, conducting power grids through a train tunnel)-

Within the framework of the lore of the world, these creatures, as they are, have done a lot.

# But what about the previous version of Keeper? Let's check out >>>

This creation is much more complex than would be seen...

Yes, we saw how Boris was turned into Brutal. That the mind can be partially rewritten. The sawing process also has a rewriting process. But-

A hybrid of a living mind and metal structures for the first experiments...it sounds like rewriting biology so that the body doesn't go crazy and start self-destructing because of unperfected souls and the realization of what they has become. And even Wilson can't make a perfect soul if he invited Audrey in the Cycle.

...Aaa-and also can tell about the REAL HUMAN in IT'S CREATION AND BLOOD...but a little later-

Attempts to create Wilson own being is unstable...and that is why we'll can meet them in a Cage!!! :D

# Details in the photos >>>

First thing - is another hoses behind;

Second - he had 3 hands, and maybe one of them (as possible 4 hand) is free from the lockers; you can also see that the lower hand is thinner and the plate on the outside of the palm glitters;

Last thing - a familiar detail.

Nothing more...

but a general similarity to the concept

# His role in the Cage. Theories and thoughts >>>

It's interesting things...Let's back to the thought that it can be a human. How much it will affect the story? Well-

Role #1 - He's a living proof about experiment of humans.

...the Gent corporation literally drowned people in ink ("Fade of Black");

And there is a temporary antidote to ink in the form of the chemical "iron oxide", which also resembles blood ("The Lost Ones");

It seems that through chemistry and past research, Wilson was able to create colored ink, a way to get back to the real world, and in collaboration with Alice, who lives in half of his house, and with Ink Machine, he was already beginning to think about creating a Keeper. About getting "the first good soul"...Pick out the right clothes, became anyone from Arch Gate Pictures, not just a humble cleaner. But after understood the difficulties (let's say, with blood) and maybe managed to update the methods for creating ink creatures...And my theory "Yellow ink" from Lost Ones.

Due to the details, a human being in the creature is doesn't't look like something unexpected, but it would definitely be intriguing.

Role #2 - If he's able to talk, new information about the corporation. Maybe even about Alan Gray. Maybe gives some hints of how getting away from the Cage idk just a thought-

A human being who was trapped into a monster for someone else's purposes it's pretty similar to Henry...ahem

Role #3 - Abilities of the blood. Perhaps we'll see hints of blood power in Lone Wolf. But in essence - there will definitely be something new...and something more powerful.

...What role will he play for the Henry.. it's unclear:

It's easy to say - this is the enemy who thoughtlessly wants to kill the hero.

It's easy to say - we can have a possible "free it" quest for game necessaries.

Possible to say - two points together 🤝

The last thing what I wanted to say:

‼️ I'm praying LIKE HELL he's not leaked FOR A COUPLE OF SECONDS like it was with all the new BATDR characters. Like Sammy-🥲

---

thank you for reading! If you have any ideas or thoughts, comments please! I'll be interested ⭐

☕ Have a good time!!

[liberac0rpvs]

And my question is, since when has fandom came to such narrow mind that they need to hate flawed characters and make a fuss over something as minor as..being overly strict and cold as a teacher, to one’s students?

I’m not one to judge people who prefer hero characters over antihero characters or simple characters over complex characters but he is treated like a demon when in reality he acts like most of the teachers I had and have, while a true demonic villain is something else. Amongst my favourite characters from other fandoms, for example, is a psychotic man with maniacal tendencies, serially slaughtering for an underground terrorist organization whilst denying his obvious mental illnesses and claiming he’s completely sane; at the same time believing he can truly achieve absolute freedom of choice and life at the point where he murders his partner in crime whom earlier in life showed him a tinge of admiration, despite calling said partner his best friend and acting all happy-go-lucky around him in most cases, making “I will kill you one day” sound as a joke. That guy most likely believes the only way to break free of the restrained human life and have the soul grow wings and fly over the imposant and strict morality of what’s good and bad is through senseless and brutal slaughter, deciding to follow the path of the organization knowing he is fighting for the end of the world or at least eradication of a solid amount of people, but at least getting to enjoy doing so; he’s fucking nuts. But I can say I like him as a character despite obviously not condoning to anything he does because it is a fantastic analysis, getting to question the existence of free will, the idea of reinventing oneself, cognitive disonance and how one can commit a terrible crime while knowing it is wrong and yet at least pretending to enjoy it anyways, the idea of being bound by ties with others and if a person can ever achieve true freedom, true happiness and no longer acknowledge their own set of moralities in value of something they wish to obtain.

Severus Snape is probably one of the most innocent characters I like to explore and the Harry Potter series one of the most sensitive fandoms if being groomed into an elitist organisation to later switch sides, and make sarcastic remarks about kids who are annoying in class, is the worst and most heinous thing somebody can do and be demonized for it.

snape stans will be like “but james bullied snape!”

like… yeah someone had to

[cipheramnesia]

Tumblr has me locked into a vicious loop about horror movies, because I cannot go longer than a month without seeing:

"I don't watch horror movies at all, but I've noticed that [blatantly incorrect statement] and [factually untrue assumption] so I think we can consider [fundamental misunderstanding of horror in general]." Followed by hundreds of responses agreeing.

"I don't watch horror because I can't stand horrible things because those make any movie fundamentally bad, but I really liked [popular, generic, oscar baiting thriller]." Followed by hundreds of responses agreeing, and doubling down on how including anything beyond the most basic tension is bad filmmaking.

"Here's the best horror I've seen, I love horror so much." [List of a single, very narrow type of film, accompanied by general denigration of anything outside that narrow set] Followed by hundreds of responses going omg I need to see that now.

I'm not trying to discourage people from horror or be an asshole about it or nothing, but I do think talking about horror movies should include knowing something about horror movies, understanding how different horror elements are used, and an appreciation of the diversity in the genre. That's why I'm always digging through different styles and low budget stuff and old stuff - because to me, liking and talking about horror movies means trying to be open to all kinds of different types of horror movies.

[silverskye13]

My brother in law let me borrow Sonic Frontiers [also read: asked me if I had access to a PS5 and when I said yes, handed it to me and said "play this"] and now my two biggest gaming nightmares are merged into one! [Fast paced gaming mechanics and open world map structures]

Anyway, I've been playing for 8 hours.

[pirate-of-the-southern-isles]

While I agree that his family's treatment of him is the most crucial part for his character, I will argue with that part:

"Hans didn't get that reconciliation with his brothers and probably never will. Mostly because he wasn't interested in trying in the first place. He held on to that pain and anger and that's what drove him to being the bad guy. "

The situation between Anna and Elsa and between Hans and his brothers may look similar at first glance, but in all seriousness: the circumstances are as different as humanely possible.

Elsa never had any malicious intends. Elsa didn't ignore Anna - she sacrificed her own childhood to keep Anna safe. She was just scared she may hurt her with her powers and would do anything to not let that happen. This wasn't some kind of game to her. She did it out of love. And, despite that, Elsa has apologised multiple times after.

For as far as we know (taking we don't know much for sure, but taking what we know from basically the only source, which is "A Frozen Heart") - that was most certainly not the case with Hans' brothers. Maybe there is more to it, maybe we don't know something, but I am grasping on what we have - from all we know, Hans never provoked them into bully (not ignore, actively bully) him. They pretended he is invisible just because they thought it was funny. And they probably enjoyed seeing him in distress. And I am damn sure they never apologised. Why would Hans look to reconcile with them? Why would he be interested in that? They were hurting him, on purpose, just for fun - why to forgive if he never even heard an apology?

You are right, life is too short. Life is too short to have your abusers in it. Especially if they are totally ok with what they did.

Hans and his family

So this is me defending the character of Hans once again. Sort of. His desperate actions aren’t justified. Really I’m just humanizing him. 

Gifs 1 and 2 Obviously his brothers are kind of jerks and he’s the runt of the family

Gif 3 I think we can all agree with Anna’s face that no matter how badly Hans turned out it’s a pretty mean thing to ignore your sibling to that extent

Gif 6 From the moment I saw this clip I began to think about how his brothers would react. Brothers beating on each other is common in families but he has 12 brothers and is the runt of the family. That’s a pretty unfair advantage

Gif 5 Look at his unsure face when Anna offers to have his brothers live with them. He clearly doesn’t like the idea. 

Gif 4 Clearly Hans would have jumped at any chance to get out of the Southern Isles and away from his family. 

I think that should say something about how far he was willing to go. I also think it kind of progressed as the movie went along.

At first Hans didn’t know who Anna was but was concerned and not a jerk about it

That smile on his face makes him look hopeful. He finally found an opening where he can escape his life in the Southern Isles. 

Here’s one of Hans’s scarier moments when he realizes that his new position can be taken away and uses his new power to initiate a threat and the Duke immediately backs off. Something tells me growing up with 12 brothers, no one would really back down when he would stand up for himself. 

Then right here. There really wasn’t anything he could do here so he could have let this guy kill Elsa and there still wouldn’t be any blame on him. This way works too but afterwards he imprisons her rather than kills her. Yes he needed her to bring back summer but later he says that he’ll kill Elsa in order to bring summer back. 

So this is where I think it all goes downhill:

This is the opening he’s always wanted and it is so close

Finally there’s the thing with Anna and Elsa

I’m not saying he’s sincere in this but I think he does understand how she feels and could possibly hopes to find a kindred spirit in her regarding their relationships with their siblings. 

As seen here:

But:

Anna still continues to have faith in her sister. After all the years of rejected snowman making she still continues to trust and love her sister. I think that makes Hans lose faith in finding someone to relate to in Anna. 

And then:

This is the reconciliation of the Arendelle family. Despite how long Elsa had ignored Anna they forgive each other because they know life is too short to miss out on each other. 

Hans didn’t get that reconciliation with his brothers and probably never will. Mostly because he wasn’t interested in trying in the first place. He held on to that pain and anger and that’s what drove him to being the bad guy. 

The whole movie is based on sibling relationships and the power of family. So if familial true love was the solution to the movie why can’t it be the reason for the villain as well?

[momentomori24]

Long-ass fandom rant because I need to scream into the void to find a reason to live let's gooooo

[For context I wrote most of this last friday which I thought was good to mention so the timeline makes a bit more sense. I really held off on this one XD Welp, let's start this trainwreck.]

Ok, I know I have other long posts I should be paying attention to (*cough* Keiji's shady shenanigans rant *cough*) among other probably more important things, but quickly wanna get this off my chest because it's kinda started to bug me and add even more concerns about the yttd fandom than I already have. This is specifically going to be about soushin-- yeah, yeah, I know-- but also bleed into something more... broad. Or broader. Idk, I'm a Tumblr user not a grammar teacher.

While browsing through Twitter I've been noticing a little spike in popularity for yttd with more fans and soushin shippers emerging as well. Which is cool, the game deserves all the praise and popularity it can get. And as someone whose been here for years, I'm glad that the fandom is slowly and steadily grown more accepting of soushin compared to the attitude around it way back when. There's been some genuinely really cool stuff that really does the ship justice from a lot of talented artist and writers that I absolutely love (will link some later), but something I've also been seeing a lot of from fans is what I can only describe as a "sanitisation resurgence" (but not really. kinda). A week or two ago on Twitter I stumbled across some soushin discourse where some people were sharing the sentiment that "if soushin end up being related and/or have a big age gap the ship is ruined". That they can only be two years apart max or else Nankidai has "fumbled them".

And the only response to that I had is "what". Like, how is that a deal breaker to you lot? How did you even get into the ship without accepting that those things could very likely end up being canon? How are you here and not ready to ship them no matter what's revealed about them after everything we've learned about them? Midori and Shin possibly being related was always on the table, and Midori potentially having already been an adult when Shin was in high school was always a very real possibility ever since we learned that he was never actually a student at his school. This is literally what soushin shippers got harassed by antis for years ago. Soushin is "problematic", and that's why people who shipped them where treated so badly in the fandom or just excluded all together. I can't count how many timed I've come across a "soushin shippers dni" or "soushiners are freaks and I hope you all have a bad day" or soushin fanfics/art with "I DON'T ACTUALLY SHIP IT BTW" and "not a ship" and "actual soushin shippers dni" attached to it. I can't recall how many times I had to explain myself with the "I ship but I don't condone it irl" or explain why I shipped them to not be labelled as a freak as if you need an excuse to ship anything fictional to begin with. I still remember soushin artist @uououoon and how they ended up deleting their Twitter account years ago because of the harassment and slanderous comments they were receiving for ships the fandom deemed problematic. When a person was saying their goodbyes to them on reddit and made some goodbye art (which is now deleted), some assholes in the comments were calling them weirdos and pedophiles for how they explored fiction and "glorified abuse" (which are the usual comments to uououoon's art posted on reddit unfortunately). I only caught wind of this one because back when they were still active in the fandom they were my favourite soushin artist and I went through their stuff almost every day and was tipped off when I randomly couldn't find their account anymore. They were such a nice and incredibly talented person too so the fact they essentially got bullied by a flock of stupid western fans seriously irritates me thinking about it again. This is why we cannot have nice things.

Soushin is "problematic". It's toxic and subtly abusive and important to the characters in question, but that didn't stop people from going after people who wanted to explore a dark, canon relationship (romantic, platonic or otherwise). How the actual hell did we go from "soushin has very toxic and problematic elements and you shouldn't be shipping it, you fucking freaks" to "you can ship it but don't make it actually problematic, you fucking freaks" like what is happening right now???? The worst part is that this is coming from other soushin shippers. The fact that there's actually soushiners with "proshippers dni" or "soushin is not for proship" genuinely makes me want to bite someone. Like, you horrible summer child-- not only are you demonstrating that you don't even know what "proship" actually means, but you're also spitting in the face of the people in our community that have CARRIED this ship for us for years. Why throw them under the bus to be one of the “good ones” in the eyes of antis when they hate us all anyway?

This brings us back to the sanitisation point: I feel like soushin is slowly being "sanitised" to fit the sensitive palette of antis by trying to make them as "morally acceptable" as possible. It's a worry I’ve had for a long time that once the fandom grows more accepting of the ship we'll be seeing more people basically scrubbing soushin of everything that made, well, soushin, to justify enjoying it. I've seen a bit of it already with a few people trying to say it's "not abusive" or just erase Shin's very obvious trauma by Midori all together for quite some time. Guess it's starting to happen on a bigger scale sooner rather than later. Maybe. Personally I don't think soushin having a big age gap or being related would ruin the ship. It just adds another layer of fucked up to their already fucked up relationship (I already hc Midori to be significantly older anyway so maybe I'm just biased). It doesn't really matter. I came here for toxic yaoi. I want nuclear waste level toxicity, not nuclear waste level toxicity presented in the most conventional and moral way possible. What would the point even be? It’s like packaging poison in a grape juice box. Like, it might be harmless to look at and more justifiable to think of as delicious, but it’s still poison. You making it look all cute and innocent isn’t going to change that. It's kinda funny and by that I mean not really that people will talk about wanting more "toxic yaoi" but when the yaoi is actually toxic and messy and horrific they will cry about it being "bad" or "ruined". You don't actually want dark dynamics, you want dark dynamics stripped of everything that makes them uncomfortable and dark so it's digestible to your tastes that don't even align with said dynamics in the first place. The worst part of this whole "soushin isn't proship so it's fine" bullshit is that it relies on trying to make the ship more "morally acceptable" or "legal" than other ships. Dawg, we are talking about abuse. You shouldn't be minimising that to say "well it's not [insert other terrible thing] so it's fine!!" That's not the "gotcha" you think it is. It’s one of the reasons why antis being into soushin made me feel weird cuz like you can’t ship it and then turn around to insult someone else, man (I’ve seen so many soushin defenders bash other “proships” to justify theirs like what are you doing--).

Realistically, the simplest and smartest thing to do when I see someone mischaracterise or butcher my faves is to either block or ignore and pretend to not care so I don't act on my sixth sense telling me to off them and myself. Realistically, this shouldn't be a big deal or anything that important, but this attitude is usually weaponized to harm and harass people who don't conform to their purity crisis over fiction. I'm in the unfortunate position of being not only a Your Turn to Die fandom dweller, but a Hazbin Hotel and The Coffin of Andy and Leyley one too. I'm used to being labelled a rapist and incest apologist irl who's delusional and deserves to be harassed and insulted by virtue of the media or ships I like (probably not a good thing). But people who are more active in these fandoms than me have it much worse as they get this shit directly waaaay more often while I mostly get called these things indirectly, which is what motivated me more to make this post.

So a couple days ago someone made some art of Monika from ddlc, Nikole (don't know the game sorry) and Ashley from Tcoaal. A lot of people on Twitter, unsurprisingly, bashed it for including Ashley to the point where some felt the need to clarify that they like her as a character but her actions (for some reason I do not understand like Monika has also done some seriously evil shit why are you not applying that logic to her too?). What struck me the most is that a yttd fan-- a self proclaimed "Midori enthusiast"-- ALSO quoted it to bash having Ashley in it. A freaking Midori fan. I told them to mind their business and start separating fiction and reality and to stop being a hypocrite, and thus ensued the most hilarious and stupidest convo I've had in a while:

You can literally count the seconds it takes for these guys to start throwing predator accusations and slurs at people. So "not exploring fiction correctly" makes me weird, but harming or putting real people on blast for nothing is free game, apparently. They're not the worst, both in this instance and in general, but it just stuck with me. Which is impressive, cuz I normally don't have much emotions to spare aside from general mild irritation for things like this. Maybe it's the Sonic feet.

But it ties into my issue. Midori's an absolute piece of garbage, yet some people will convince themselves that his actions are in some way justifiable to justify their hatred of something else (that is a lot less severe in this case) rather than love and let love. Tcoaal is not an "incest game" and if you describe it like that unironically you are not ready to be on the internet. No, it doesn't condone or glorify incest-- it literally does the opposite. If you need the characters to look into the camera and say "what we're doing is wrong and immoral" before doing something bad, I think you're the problem at that point. For the same reason you liking Midori (probably) doesn't mean you support human experimentation and torture, someone liking Tcoaal doesn't mean they support incest and someone shipping soushin doesn't mean they support abuse. These things are dark and shouldn't be condoned irl, but this is fiction. We can do whatever the hell we want. Being into darker themes and media doesn't have to reflect your real world views, but the inability to grasp that sentiment leads people to make their interests as moral and sanitised as possible and, feeling morally superior, will go after people who don't do that. This person deadass said that "incest is not morally grey and absolutely unjustifiable" (didn't even say that it wasn't btw) as if their blorbo hasn't committed so many atrocities for kicks that I personally find more unjustifiable. That line implies that they think that everything else Ashley has done and everything Midori has done can be justified because it wasn't incest specifically, which I find is a WILD thing to insinuate XD But it really does encapsulate the hoops antis will jump through to defend their likes while attacking yours despite the fact that it's literally the exact same as theirs. Rule of thumb: if someone accuses you of condoning something immoral because you like it in fiction, apply that logic to them, look at what they like and if their wet little meow meow is the Joker, Eren, Killua, Makima, Midori or whatever other morally bankrupt character you can come up with, take that as a confession and run. Cuz half the time these guys are actually nuts. While quote tweeting someone to shit on their art isn't the worst thing, considering how twitter has treated tcoaal artists the fact that they'd potentially open them up to harassment pissed me off, which is probably evident from my tone.

[Hi hi, this is me from the present right now cuz a more recent development came up so I’m using it as an example here too.]

While most of the things listed here have all been happening online, this attitude can come up in the real world as well.

As OP states, a bunch of hellaverse cosplayers were targetted at a french convention by haters of the show trying to ruin their cosplay. This is already completely unacceptable but the thing I can’t for the life of me get over is torching their costume while they’re still wearing it. Literally attempting to set someone on fire. All over a fucking show. It’s baffling how people can justify actions like this because they think your taste in fiction is so disgusting it’s Ok for them to hurt you. Not just online, but outside as well. It’s not the first time a hellaverse cosplayer has been harassed (last time it was a Valentino cosplayer but then again Val fans get shit from all sides all the time), and while I’m pretty sure these will remain as isolated cases it’s still scary to think about. What’s even more scary to think about how people think that their opinion on hazbin hotel has any relevance to the situation. So many of the comments in that post are just “I hate Hazbin Hotel, but—” or “I hate the fandom, but--” or “I hate Vivzie, but—” and I’m literally here ready to start pouncing like SHUT UP. No buts. That is not in any way important here. You not liking the show or the creator should not be important to the situation of cosplayers being actively harmed. You don’t have to signal your allegiances before showing basic human empathy, goddamnit. And what’s even worse is that some people have just turned this into a “b-but the hazbin fandom!!” issue, which is insulting. For example:

The “Hazbin fans do blackface and disrespect black people daily” is a reference to ONE Alastor cosplayer that nobody had defended. Not even fans. At least no one I can find. Yet they are using this one bad apple to generalise the whole fandom as "bad" and down play the amount of bullshit the hatedom does to fans on a regular. It kinda makes me feel sick that someone would look at a situation like this and spin this into a “fandom thing” rather than focusing on the victims. That they don’t deserve to be taken as seriously just because of the fandom their in. Some lunatic in the comments was literally completely minimising this whole thing saying “some red paint (fake blood capsules) isn’t nearly as bad as lynching and what black people have gone through in America” before calling anyone who called out that that’s completely irrelevant racist for liking Hazbin Hotel like are you kidding me. My homies in Christ, someone almost got lit on fire can everyone please stay on the goddamn topic. This is one of the rare moments where I was kinda proud of twitter as the majority of the comments and quotes where calling out their bullshit, but the amount of likes and some of the comments are still disappointing.

So what points am I trying to make here? This was very spontaneous and rushed so apologies if it feels messy cuz it very much is messy. But my main points boil down to this: Purification, sanitation and the “fiction equals reality” and "your fictional tastes reflect on you morality irl" arguments need to die. They just have to. While petting Shin on a daily basis gives me enough serotonin to find the will to live, the only true solace I will find is when people start being normal. People shouldn’t be getting harassed or labelled as freaks for fiction you don’t like both online and real life. People are not less worthy of basic human decency and empathy solely based on their fictional interests. People should be able to explore fiction however the hell they want without worrying about there being made a call out post on them somewhere. I search Tcoaal on twitter and there’ll always be a bunch of posts with over 10k likes calling all fans annoying weirdos or say it’s an “incest game” even tho it literally isn’t. I will try looking for some Valangel art on tumblr and see some loser use the tag to basically shit on everyone who ships it and lying about the treatment these shippers get while defending Charlastor or just shit on the ship in general. I just exist on the twitter side of the HH fandom chilling with other Val fans and literally every single one of them has either received death/rape threats or told to kill themselves, got ratio’d by a bunch of haters, had a call out post saying not to follow dedicated to them, had their art reposted and Val scribbled out, repeatedly accused of ““romantising a rapist””, or all of the fucking above. Valentino’s VA gets asked if he’s actually like the character he plays in real life or a fan being “relieved that he didn’t abuse them like Valentino” when they met (kudos to Joel for being chill about it btw I would be fuming this fandom does not deserve this man). I type in a certain controversial yttd ship to search and most of the latest posts are just people being rude, saying that if Nankidai makes them canon they’ll drop the game, calling the man himself a freak, calling other shippers freaks, shitting on soushin as well and then having soushiners defend their ship while also shitting on said controversial ship. It genuinely feels like fanbases are circuses and we are the clowns 💀

I could list other examples people being weirdos but I can't do that without breaking the momentum of this post even more than I already have. I guess what I wanted to vent about is how these attitudes regarding fiction and the way people police how others engage with it and how people think of you based on what you like can go from just annoying to downright dangerous more often than you’d think. That belief that you are morally superior to someone else based on the fact that you ship or like things the “legal” and “pure” and “healthy” way (which is never actually the case btw) can lead to you being really disrespectful or a complete asshole and not feeling bad about it at all, which does more harm than good. Which is why I thought it was important to bring up more extreme cases to empathise how this obsessive gatekeeping of fiction can and does hurt real people, who should be more important to you than fictional characters.

All of this is very likely going to sound very aggressive in tone and I want to quickly clarify that this is not meant to be an attack towards anyone in particular. I'm just tired and recalling all this stuff is making my mood sink like a stone lmao. Who knows, maybe I'm just overexaggerating and things won't get worse when the game gets more popular. This is just what I've been witnessing both in and out of my side of the moon. The amount of yttd fans I've seen act like this are a lot tho. No fandom is perfect obviously, and this one is the farthest from it, but with new people coming in and this weird attitude and need to sanitise not only towards soushin, but other "problematic" ships and media as well growing more prominent (mostly on Twitter and Tiktok) my biggest worry is that the hostility in this fandom will just... increase? Roulettefeel made pretty good posts about it-- my favourites being this one, also this one and this one's pretty short and sweet, summarising most of my soushin points a lot better and shorter than my trainwreck of a post so I recommend checking them out. If you like soushin, go check them out. If you don't like soushin, go check them out anyway. They make stuff outside of soushin too. They're pretty cool.

[I also want to add that the whole sanitisation thing in the yttd fandom is nothing new. It’s been a thing for longer than I have been here. I’ve just been seeing it again with soushin, which is was what made me want to do this in the first place. There’s another dynamic the fandom obviously does this for, but uttering it would not only get me flamed but straight up burned at the stake of bad takes so I’m saving that for a rainy day.]

Aaaaannd, I'm done, I think. I didn't have a good conclusion for this in mind. Idk, just be nice? You don't have to like "proships" (or what the fandom has defined as proship cuz that's not the actual definition), but that's what the block buttons for. Don't like, don't read, I say. Fandoms are for everyone and as long as what the person is doing is harmless, let them feel safe being themselves without having to worry about someone coming after them. Real life cops already suck. Let's not bring them into our collective escapism. And something you personally don't like ending up canon doesn't mean the game or ship is "ruined". That doesn't just go for soushin. That goes for other things too. To tie up loose ends, soushin having an age gap or being related has always been on the table and fits with other themes in the narrative. That does not count as "bad" if it makes sense. Soushin is not "Ok to ship" because it's "not an illegal ship" (whatever tf that means) and it's not "bad to ship" because it's "romanticising abuse". It's fine to ship because it's fictional. You don't need a moral justification to ship anything. That goes for all ships. That's why NOTPs exist. And "proship" doesn't and has never meant "shipping problematic pairings". It's a stance on shipping. It means being pro people being allowed to ship whatever they want. That includes being cool with problematic pairings, but is not limited to those. It means not being a fandom cop. Please stop saying otherwise, I cannot keep living this way--

Soooouuu, to end off on a more positive note and finally put this whole thing to bed I'll link some of my fav newer soushin accounts for anyone who's interested:

Hyo (orewagahai on ao3 check that out too): They are an amazing, amazing writer. If you're into dark, abusive co-dependent, complicated soushin with beautiful characterisation I would highly recommend. They just posted another soushin drabble on twitter and it's great.

jinn: They've been putting out banger after banger ever since getting into the game. Their art is absolutely stunning and they upload frequently, so go check 'em out if you can! It's actual medicine for the soul, I promise. They also draw for dead plate, so if you're into that go ahead too.

angel: Also cool. They're soushin art is hilarious and cute. As much of a sucker as I am for toxic, abusive sludge, they give thses two idiots a silliness that I enjoy. Also if you like trans!Shin content they're pretty good.

欣武 (my dumbass forgot to add them the first time sorry): They are INCREDIBLE. Extremely incredible artist. Their art is so, so freaking good. Not checking them out is absolutely your loss, ngl.

Be nice to them. If I catch anyone attempting to annoy them I'm coming after you and your entire family. Let's be better and not chase new comers off this time :3 Thanks for listening to my incoherent venting. This is mostly for me to feel a bit better, but anyone is free to read. If anyone's got an opinion or observation, feel free to offer it. I need coffee. Coffee sounds good.

[mossterunderthebed]

[devilsskettle]

idk if this is even really a bad thing in fan spaces but i think that a lot of people are just not very genre savvy when it comes to engaging with the media that they enjoy

[fewsystemsinonebody]

list by host as they made me do it lol:

Albert - he's funny and adorable, he reminds me that I can be childish no matter of the age

April - that he isn't a walking stereotype of goth (not that I dislike them but he doesn't let himself be put into a box)

Arnie - a lot of fun memories with him, he was always so helpful and I wish we were closer again but we try

Benji - he's so appreciative and full of surprises, also he's adorable as a dog

Brie - I know I can count on him no matter of his mental state, I wish I could support him more, he's a great big brother figure, he's also a walking meme and a complex person that deserves the best, I adore him

Brandon - it's hard to put into words but I just enjoy his presence and can't imagine our system without him

Dave - he's sometimes annoying, not in a bad way, but I know we have him on our side

Gru - because he's carefree, sometimes I'm jealous of him even if I want him to understand things more but then he goes sad and I'm worried...

Hakan - golden heart despite of people thinking he's a monster

Jack - my best mate twin that is always therer for me to hug the sadness outta me and spend time together

Jacob - he changed so much, I'm proud of him even if he falls sometime

Jimmy - my precious lil bro, he is such a prankster but it breaks my heart whenever he cries, he's very smart too despite of being one of the youngest of us

Jerry - he's no show off besides when he doesn't bite his tongue before saying whatever comes to his mind out loud lol but I see his silent help... thank you

Lio - the first one to fight for us on dc servers haha, became such a sunshine after a storm, love him singing as he makes funny faces every single time making me laugh

Lu - he finds himself a bad guy but I'm thankful for his chaotic nature saving us more than once, you don't have to be perfect <3

Marcel - sorry to say that but... you're a child in a big man and I know you wanna be seen as mature but I see you, you're trying your best even if sometimes you can't force yourself to act on something

Monty - the fact you always are in control even if you're not, I know he's overworked and I wish he rest more but if not him we would suffer a lot in the inner world

Nat - I know he's blaming himself for failing so many times and going against me but he forgets to see how many times he was there for me even if for minor things, especially when my dad fallen ill, I love you forever

Red - thanks to him we are more safe and I also would like him to enjoy life more as he seems interesting and hardworking

Pink - you're not ashamed, I know, you're also assertive and teach me to feel less guilty, I fought for you and always will hopefully

Marco - you quickly became a big part of our brain, at first such a grump but now you're so lovely like an uncle to me, I know that even if we disagree you are trying to protect us

Five - right hand of Marco, he can dominate him and take care of him despite of being so small, I'm glad Marco has someone who supports him all the way!

Nin - I know he means well, he's trying to do the best he can

Caspian - you're not a curse, I don't know you well but I saw you being a rebel, thinking for yourself and understanding too as you're open minded, you are such a good boy :D

Koda Nova - sun to the Nin's moon, light definitely

Bonny, Afsan and Mico - incredible trio, hard to explain maybe but you definitely won the place among us

Soprano - I brought you back because you took us away from therapist, you made us stand up for ourselves, you said "fuck the reputation" just for me to not fuse against my will, forever grateful, you're also not a bore ;)

Bronco - I know you think you're just a copy of Greg but I know you're so much more, you have to find out, take your time

Maylo - I forgive you, I know you have such a great responsibility from such a young age but you dropped everything and went against everything just to protect your favorite family, you're my father figure, dad no. 2 and I don't want you to leave again, missed you for months

Greg - you always make me laugh, world is empty without you here, your low loud noise when you sing Sanah and when you are here with me when I am scared of you know what, Brie needs you - don't leave again, ok?

Szymon - you're not just an anxiety, clumsiness nor gossip, you're a survivor, you're intelligent and you're very brave

Ursus - no idea who you are yet that much but I find you a cool character for sure hah

Bartek - I know you hate when someone says you're an anger holder, even now, but I want you to know it's not all you are but I'm still glad you can be at times as we have to finally be sometimes

Maciej - saved you today, look how much you've done good things in one day, I think you will prove your worth even more in the future, don't waste your chance as I would be sad to see you go :(

Key - you don't have to survive everything, I'm impressed but I know how hard it is, let's enjoy life a bit more too, alright?

Deer - you're one of the most optimistic ones, recently if not you it would end up really poorly for us, thx for helping me and Brie and you're also such a good writer like Nat and Brie

Nikita - my little pony, I wanna see you smile, I like you being here

Adam - despite of how you act sometimes you're one of the biggest heroes I knew, always ready to help/save/take care of others

Cyprian - because you're so extreme sometimes it reminds me we have rights and will always have each other's backs

Jeff - I know you're pseudomemories are complicated but I don't find you egoistic, I'm glad you are finally thinking about yourself putting yourself first and yet still care about others instead of stomping on them, I know it's super hard for you and you wanna hurt yourself but you hurt us with it too, don't take away my guilt on yourself so much

Ryszard - you're a fighter and a lover

Why - every version of you is great

Dagmar - we still need you even if you're so complicated

John - from the moment you appeared I had mixed feelings about you but you became such a memorable persona I think it would tear a huge part of us if you were gone, I slowly learn to love myself because of you, thanks

Topielec - you're such a good guy for so much you've been through and it reminds me this is who we are alltogether, we deserve better

Snow - you just appeared but I'm not scared of you, I get it man, take your time

question suggestion

what is one thing you like about each headmate? don’t have to answer for every headmate, answer in the way you’re most comfortable with. just some plural positivity :]

question 79:

[mildmayfoxe]

started a book yesterday where one of the characters is a figure skater in recovery after an injury & the other character is a rancher who lives next door to the place the skater is house sitting & the skater just heard the rancher say he doesn’t play the piano proficiently, just plays around & the skater was like “wow 😍 he’s got a big vocabulary 😍!” girl!!! proficiency????? that’s a big vocab word to you???? god forbid a farmer be educated in any capacity

[gemharvest]

Might not be exactly what you asked for but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go into more depth about the bf and pico drawing with the kinto pet song lyrics 🙏🙏🙏🙏 it has haunted me in a good way and I will explode without more

UR MORE THAN FINE DWWW it's easier for me to ask for prompts but I LOVE ASKS IN GENERAL I like getting to ramble. Forever and always if you see me post something and you want me to elaborate on it/ have specific questions/ literally whatever PLEASE DON'T BE SCARED TO SEND AN ASK IN !!!

okay needed that out of the way first LOLLLLL

The like. Images I get in my head when I listen to this song drive me insane like this was just me putting it into one image but I could deadass do a full PMV if I had the time.

Obvi I prefer to draw in a more Funkin'-influenced style, but esp. with how Pico is drawn I hope it's clear I was leaning into the Pico's School side of things.

(continuing under a cut because I am about to Ramble)

I don't think I was consciously thinking abt it the other night BUT at least the first verse makes me think. Of the Love Conquers All version of Pico's School. An ideal ending; Cassandra is convinced not to carry out her plan, nobody dies, Pico certainly wouldn't be Going Through It. Maybe in this ideal ending they (Pico & BF) wouldn't have split. "In this world, we're friends forever".

I also imagine it as like.. basically how the art I did ended up being. They're just black lines on a white background. Faces obscured. Maybe with some visual effects that distort things too/ some pixelation whatever. I actually think I was planning to have some parts of that pixelated but forgot by the time I was home and could draw; might have been for the best but here's a version with a biit of what I'm talking abt.

They're in a void. Separate from the real world, but happy. Stuck in a loop of the happiest time of their lives (mostly thinking from Pico's perspective with that lol). Is that not better than having to continue on in a fucked reality?

Of course, that's not real. It's just an imaginary loop of "what if"s in Pico's mind. It's a world he built for Boyf.

In this world, Boyfriend is always following with Pico, always showing him kindness and always smiling. Pico's emotions are less readable; maybe in a proper PMV I'd give him his mouth too so he can show he is at least somewhat happy, but despite being the "leader" of the two, he is much more passive, reserved. They are always holding each other's hands.

Verse 2 would be the inverse (lol), signaled by the stronger beats kicking in. White lines on black background. It's no longer the ideal world, and instead the "real world". Real, but distorted by trauma. "Inside my code, you'll always be". The world Cass built for Pico.

The bit of instrumental between verses 2 & 3 would be the Real real world, going forward to when FNF would take place; Pico and Boyfriend reconnected, through less than ideal means, though reconnected nontheless.

We're back to black lines on white background, but everything's less distorted. There's more details too, the world not just being a hazy backdrop for Pico and Boyfriend to play around in, but real.

He's different from Pico's memories, obviously, drawn now in the FNF style fully. More confident, still stupid. He has Girlfriend now.

The first 2 lines of verse 3, his imagined worlds and the real world melt together. Mixed in ways that highlight a feeling of off-ness. Everything feels strange, distorted, unreal.

The last 2 lines it's just Pico and Boyfriend hanging out alone. "All that's left is me and you/Lots of fun that we can do". Boyfriend cheery as ever, while Pico is visibly nervous-- uncharacteristic for him but we don't see if Boyfriend notices.

The strong beat kicking in again sends us back to the imagined world. The good world. But things are wrong. The real world is slipping in, things are no longer stagnant; no longer perfect. Visual distortions/ glitches worsen.

Pico could delude himself when he hadn't known where Boyfriend was; now that he's back, his world warps. No longer under his control. He is not in the lead.

The first half of the outro Boyfriend is still mostly playing along, though still seems to be growing disinterested. Pico is noticably anxious, clearly seeing how the other is no longer like a puppy at his side. Boyfriend is pulling away. Why is he pulling away, when everything's "perfect"? Why is everything going wrong. "The world I built, designed for you".

The second half of the outro, Boyfriend is now actively pulling away. He no longer looks like the idealized, young Boyfriend. He's older, a stranger, he doesn't care for Pico anymore. Pico is older now too, desperately holding on to Boyfriend. Unwilling to let him go again, first in the real world and now in his mind. Boyfriend refuses to hold his hand but Pico still grips onto his arm. Their eyes finally become visible in the imagined world.

Pico's behavior mirrors Cassandra's involvement in the second verse, though unintentionally violent as opposed to her intentional violence. He's selfish, desperate to hold on to his world; to Boyfriend. He's hurting the imagined Boyfriend in the process, but that is second in his mind to him so desperately trying to avoid a second heartbreak. Anything to keep his world together, his peace. Without it, he just has the dark.

Beyond this screen, you cannot leave Inside my code, you'll always be Endless fun that we can do In a world I built for you

In the final instrumental and as the song fades out, Pico wakes up. He's shaken, disgusted by how he acted in his mind and feeling like he's nothing but an anchor to Boyfriend, holding him back. He can't keep clinging to this false reality, nor can he pretend he's doing any good by being in Boyfriend's life again. His mind is made up.

...

LOL I hope the way I summarized The Thoughts I get paints the picture I get in my mind. I've got terminal artist brain I am imagining AMVs to near everything I listen to I am not joking; had to take a break halfway through typing this to walk around a store and I was looping KATAMARI by femtanyl for like half of it imagining an edit in my head. I can imagine anything jpeg.

I wanna very much stress that all that above would have been filtered through Pico's mind. He's not actively hurting Boyfriend, but he's fucking terrified of doing so and he feels so fucking guilty for continuing to hold on to the past they had. I guess it wouldn't be apparent from what I described but he'd also feel guilty for still having feelings for him when the other has moved on and even has a girlfriend.

His world, once his perfect escape from the anguish of his reality, corrupts as he feels worse and worse over even entertaining the thoughts. Him deciding to forget his world and, in turn, go to cut off Boyfriend for the other's sake is not based on objective reality, but an act of self-sabotage that he convinces himself to be the best outcome for everybody.

^ Literally included him doing this shit in a part of that last fic I did you can tell this is something I find interesting exploring with him.

The tone of the song too just fucking.. it adds to the eeriness I'd want out of a proper PMV of this idea. The way it's clearly an homage to the IBM 7094 singing Daisy Bell; the voice and instrumentals just feel so unnerving. Sweet and innocent on the surface, but clearly holding bad intentions. Maybe not intentionally bad, maybe misguided good even, but they are not good nor sweet nor kind. I am talking about the song on it's own divorced from it being from KinitoPET what I describe here is just the feelings it gives me in regards to my favies.

Anyways uhhhh god I could go on for hours but I've been going off for long enough I'm sorry to anyone reading this who had to sit through my insanity. My head is now lighter with this information shared tho.. I guess in conclusion: I am definitely normal and neurotypical and can be trusted to listen to music and be into my games without creating the most devastating ideas known to man. xoxo

[mystvcs]

her smile grows. linus was defending his words again, not easily picking up on the gorgon's pokes and teasing. it just makes her laugh a little more, turning her head to search for him. ❝ don't worry, i need it simplified. i'm not exactly a natural. ❞ she hoped her words would ease him. she hoped, eventually, he'd see that she couldn't resist a little teasing. it was easy to hide emotions behind a wall of sarcasm and jokes, but maybe she'd gotten a little used to it.

while he started to cut everything, hansa let's herself sit, despite wanting to return his gestures with ones of her own. but being touchy while he's holding a knife seems like a bad idea. instead, she just watches, listens, talks from where she sits, just enjoying being there.

everything perks when linus speaks again, bringing up leo's mother. a subject hansa hasn't touched because it seemed far too personal. but the little snippet she was getting was something. even if it did make linus look incredibly uncomfortable. ❝ my mom is the more traditional one also, ❞ she says with a gentle smile, trying to find some commonality. trying to tell him it was okay. but she's not so great with words either. many words never really needed to exist between the two before so she rises with the intention of reaching out, letting him know she was there in some way. did he ever talk about her? did he ever let anything out besides on full moon nights? hansa didn't think so. but she never gets the chance to try and soothe whatever emotions plague the wolf. he excuses himself after their growing silence and then leaves.

hansa, too, wants to leave. she wishes she could be so careless, but it's not linus that makes her stay. he could make up an excuse to leo, tell him hansa got sick or something and that's why she had to go. but she wouldn't want that. instead, she stands there for a moment, that feeling of safety being dragged out along with linus. now her mind was back to second guessing, to wanting to protect itself. fight or flight. running had always been her personal choice. tears sting the gorgon's eyes, but she fights them back, scolding herself for letting them appear in the first place. she goes to the bathroom, fixing her loose bun into a tighter one and uses her phone to make sure there's no redness in her eyes, no hints. and after making sure her emotions were back where they belonged, hidden deep underneath her surface, she could go back out to the kitchen and wait.

her eyes are wide when finally met with his again, but hansa mentally kicks herself and they narrow. she forces the emotion to leave them, reinforcing that wall she was trying to put back up. even when she lays eyes on the vinyl, something that's usually a sure way to bring excitement out of her, doesn't react, only listens.

everything linus said just made her feel more confused. he was still mourning ... but wanted this? whatever the hell this was. and he was rusty? that didn't really feel true. probably the most confusing part of all because nothing felt ... rusty. it felt shiny and sparkly. they were sparkly. at least until they were suddenly dulled. all of hansa's words seemed to leave her, unsure what to say. her head, of course, told her to protect herself, keep up with the aloofness now. but her stupid heart hadn't changed. it wasn't like she would fall out of love with him instantaneously. and somehow it was louder than her head. it was so loud.

she takes the vinyl but doesn't open it, instead just sets it aside after a quiet thanks. ❝ you could have told me that, ❞ she finally finds her voice after another moment of quiet between the two. ❝ you can tell me anything. about her. about you two. about what happened. ❞ if she didn't ache, she'd reach for him. she'd take his hands to make him feel tethered to something, to let him know she was there. but they're preoccupied, not so much crossed over her chest as they are slightly hugging herself, protectively. ❝ but just don't ... please don't ever just walk away from me like that. ❞

she's not sure when she gave her face permission to express emotion, but she feels two little tears slip out the corner of her eyes and she groans in frustration, quickly removing them from her face and turning slightly, an attempt to hide. and then a thought pops into her mind. one she's scared to voice because his response, but one necessary for her own peace of mind. ❝ and if it's too soon for you, tell me now. ❞ she didn't want to be stand in in someone else's life, like she was feeling in that moment.

               Linus had never really been good with words.    Not even when he still went by Jinwoo and lived in New York. He fared better with numbers, equations, logarithms and the like. But people, words and sentences were hard. Children were easier. They just needed limits, love and guidance. “I–didn’t mean it like that.” The werewolf shook his head, fearing that maybe his words had been misinterpreted again. He knew she wasn’t a child. Hell, he wouldn’t have gone anywhere near her if she was. Running his fingers through his hair in mild frustration for his mistake, Linus continued. “I’m just… more used to giving Leo instructions in the kitchen.” Inji knew her way around it. Better than he did at the time, actually. She was the one who would instruct him and tell him what and how to do it. His love for food came as a way to include Leo in the kitchen activities instead of leaving his child alone with a screen to entertain him.

But then, she laughed and Linus relaxed a little. Maybe he was reading too much into it. Maybe Hansa just kept finding ways to tease him, to prompt a laugh from his lips, to make things less heavy.

They moved around the kitchen with ease. Linus couldn’t remember the last time he felt this… light. Hell, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d sported a smile for that long in one single day. Yet, here he was, making dumplings with someone he couldn’t keep his hands off of and actually enjoying every single moment of it. He could sense how much she wanted him, the scent of her desires filling the room like the food he’d been cooking all afternoon, and Linus knew he needed to pull himself away, otherwise, things might get out of hand. They couldn’t afford that. Not with a little kid in the next room.

As Hansa started talking about how her family did their dumplings, Linus began washing the vegetables she’d brought over so they could start chopping them. He knew it was coming… the question about him and their dumplings, but still, it hit him like a hurricane when he thought about what would be the least hurtful way to answer.

Silence took over the room for a bit, only the light sound of the carrot being cleaned and peeled filling those walls. Then, the werewolf moved to the kitchen island and began working on the carrots. “I–didn’t start making them until I started seeing Leo’s mom.” He kept his gaze on the vegetable at hand, his voice faltering for a second there as he hadn’t made plans of chatting about his late wife when he’d just stuck his tongue into someone else’s throat five minutes before. “My adoptive parents weren’t Asian, so I didn’t pick up on many traditions until then.” Was that an okay answer? He questioned himself. “But… uh… we would have pork, cabbage and green onions.”

Linus cleared his throat, feeling very uncomfortable in his own skin for that moment. It felt wrong to be talking about Inji, to be thinking about their Lunar Year celebrations when he was now celebrating it with someone else. Once again, the feeling of betrayal took over and Linus grew quiet, working on chopping the vegetables in silence, since Hansa had mentioned she hadn’t been there for the chopping part. “We should let the cabbage for a bit.” This time, he looked over at his companion, however, this time his hands didn’t reach for her. He wondered if he was doing the right thing, if Inji would be upset by watching him share a family tradition with someone else. “Um… excuse me for a second.” He told her, before stepping out of the kitchen.

The wolf went to his room and reached for his pack of cigarettes inside his drawer. The little mint gum package he always carried with it, came with it too, and he opened the window to have a smoke. None of this was fair to Hansa, he knew that. Walking out on her when they were having a nice moment just because he couldn’t stop feeling guilty over his late wife didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem fair. But how was he supposed to talk to her and tell her everything he’s kept bottled up inside him for four years? How was he supposed to open up to someone when every damn day he feared he was going to lose himself to the monster that came alive every time he found a lead on the people who had hurt him and his pack those years ago? 

And then, what would happen once it was all over? What would be of him when he killed the very last one of them? The one who was supposed to be his brother?

Leo’s voice was heard down the hall and Linus was quick to put out his cigarette, waving the smoke away before his son reached his bedroom doorway. The older werewolf put the half-smoked cigarette back into the pack and tossed it back on his drawer as the four-year-old reached him, announcing that he was hungry. He was growing so fast, Linus thought. He’d be five soon… most of them, having lived without knowing his mother. Only stories that ended up in tears on Linus’ part. 

“Leo-yah… you like Hansa noona, don’t you?” Jinwoo asked in Korean, after pulling the small child to sit on his lap on the bed. An excited nod followed as an answer, which prompted a small smile to reach Linus’ lips. “Would you like it if she was around more?” Again, he asked in Korean and was granted a positive response. “Appa, do you like Hansa noona?” The question had Jinwoo hesitating for a moment. He wouldn’t be smiling, touching her nor kissing her if he didn’t. “I–do. Appa likes her a lot.” He said, brushing his son’s hair away from the little boy’s face. His heart was breaking for admitting it out loud. For over a decade, he’d been in love with the same woman. For over a decade his smiles, kisses and promises had been to the same person. “Appa…” Leo’s small hands cupped his father’s face, prompting Linus to close his eyes. Tears streamed down his face when he did. “Don’t cry, appa.” Drawing in a breath, Linus pulled his son into a tight hug. Again, silence followed. He wouldn’t expect a small child to understand the turmoil of emotions that were going on inside him, but he knew Leo could pick up on some of them. The intense ones.

He heard his son’s voice getting sad when Leo called him again, and the older wolf didn’t want to ruin the night, so, he pulled away for a moment, looking into his child’s eyes. “It’s okay. Appa is okay.” The small child watched him for a moment and Linus could have swore he was trying to catch him on a lie. “Appa is okay.” Linus repeated. “Appa… is… a little sad, but he’s also happy. He’s happy because Hansa is here. She makes him very happy.” The little boy smiled, throwing his hands up. “Yay! Can we have food now?” His reaction stole a laugh from Linus again and he set the little boy down on the floor, before standing up, himself. “Go wash your hands. I’m getting Hansa’s gift.”

Linus didn’t know how to fix the little awkward scene he’d created downstairs, but, he still took the vinyl he’d gotten Hansa and moved downstairs, finding her eyes again. “I–am sorry.” He told her. “I’m not… I’m–I think..." It took him more effort than he wanted to. Did that mean he wasn't ready? Jinwoo didn't want to give her the stupid 'it's not you, it's me' excuse because, despite it being true, it was just that: stupid. Stupid, shallow and not enough. "I think I’m still mourning, Hansa.” He said, honestly. “But I want this. I really want this—you. Us." The wolf clarified, once making it obvious that words were not his strongest suit. "I’m just… rusty.” Admitting this was easier than admitting he was still mourning his wife’s tragic death, but if he was going to take a big step towards another chapter of his life, Linus figured he should stop being a damn coward for once. “This… is your Lunar year gift. And it’s also an apology. For storming out of the kitchen.” He handed her the perfectly wrapped vinyl, which didn’t take a genius to realize it was a vinyl. He just hoped she would like it.

[vimbry-moved]

withdrawn, stoic character having a moment of softness in a fanwork: !!!

withdrawn, stoic character being their usual emotionally unavailable and awkward self in a fanwork: !!!! :)!

[loneliestaxolotl]

[She gives a thumbs up, running to find a dust pan. She finds it almost immediately- probably because her Axolotl moved it for her when she wasn't looking. When she finds it, she runs back to Wilhelm with it, hoping to help as well.]

[She is incredibly cheerful, despite having made a mess. Having company she enjoys will do that. :) Though... She swears there's something about Wilhelm that scares her... Something she can't quite remember... But surely it wasn't that bad. Couldn't be as terrible as, I don't know, being given a lobotomy against her will. Definitely not.]

[WILHELM is back! they've brought a few things over. mostly frozen pancakes.]

"i..uh, I don't know if you've gotten her organs back yet, so I figured I'd bring over something you can hold onto until she can eat?"

[this is a lie. they already knew she could eat. they just wanted to bring over pancakes.]

[ @ivxliwh ]

[It smiles at them, absolutely giddy.]

Oh, of course! Actually, yes, I did manage it! Closely matching her original layout, but with extra stability. I keep trying to introduce her to new foods but she just asks for waffles over and over instead. I'm sure she'll love your pancakes though. :) ... Would you like to join us again, or are you just dropping those off?

[amrv-5]

in my cutthroat careerbitch era