#or dont idk anyhow theyre here

[welcometojapanese]

Took a while, but I did it~

I know it's been 30 years, sry, but I'm back for a bit. I'm finishing up a Japanese culture course at Uni and when it's fully over (I don't want to be accused of plagiarizing some weird Tumblr so I'm waiting lol) I'll post the culture pieces I wrote, and I'll link the ones that have online resources and whatnot. So in like a week and a half to two weeks keep ur eyes peeled 👍

[you-hate-time-travel]

(carapacian romance anon back again i think we should just. idk stick to an emoji? i would suggest an orange bc its my fav colour but im allergic to citruses :( ill continue to brainstorm on that + tmbg & th give me life) ANYHOW, i dont think hussie ever thought people were going to like the carapacians as much as anybody else but like. it was bound to happen eventually i suppose wq & wk sure show some kind of romantic interest in the comic, but as you said from a king and a queen that's kind of what you expect. would their relationship be a form of comphet in carapacian society? given that carapacians dont exactly have gender so the need for comphet standards is obsolete, but their relationship is like.. that of a standard relationship humans understand i love taking concepts from troll society and human society and twisting it up and everything but, having said that, would carapacian romance be limited to only 1 kind, 4 kinds or 9 kinds. why do leprechauns need that many?? i know its based off of lucky charms cereal. i honest to god never heard of the cereal until homestuck but surely because its *9* it has to be complex, right hussie didnt just add it in there because of a CEREAL RIGHT? but its hussie we're talking about here WHY WOULD HE DO ANY OF THIS

i feel like WQ/WK (and by extension the dersite royalty?) could be presented like that in-universe as like, a shorthand or trope? like, it's easy set-dressing for these kids to understand while they're, idk, becoming gods or whatever

He probably gave them nine charms to mix and match because she was kind of making fun of trolls. Complex romance system that people got very attached to? Lol, these guys have it even more complicated. AND theyre all gay.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Pokemon could just be regular magical fauna, dnd style? Not types, just one or two magical qualities in place of like dragons, displacer beasts, oozes, etc. But no regular animals, just pokemon like normal. Generally moderately intelligent, like crows maybe, but still animals. But if they're a familiar to a human, like rei's pikachu, then they have above average intelligence and can understand human speech and whatnot because of the magic binding them together. Does that work? I don't doubt pokemon battles as a sport like in the games, but lots are dangerous and so are raiders and stuff. Battlemage and healer for hired protection and damage control maybe?

yeah!! there could even be regular animals (or, the regular animals are like... rattata. pidgey. etc.) but pokemon are very common alongside them. i DO think that canon pokemon are sort of...made more recognizably human-intelligent via a trainer bond, actually. if that makes sense. i keep vaguely referencing trainer bonds and not elaborating, but it really is a unique connection that opens a lot of new mental pathways for both parties. like being high-level competitive and having a deep bond of trust with your pokes will rewire your brain. and theirs. which suits very well with the familiar bond idea i think! and another ask here and my response to it actually, hang on

[Anonymous: You think 'pokemon' still have pokeball equivalents? (More of a transportation bc I refuse to believe pokeballs magically make pokemon follow your orders like Black and White Npcs say bc theyre my friends :( I dont wanna mind control them ) I remember a nuzlock comic fantasy style that used cystals n such as pokeballs. that or 'contacts' and they have markings left on your body signaling u have companions. I dont think it would be as commonplace to have 'pokemon' tho. Maybe Ingo and like the wardens are the only ppl to have em? idk but I think Jubelife would like pokemon even LESS than canon does. ]

ooooh so i think having like, bonded markings for familiar/companion bonds is a fun idea... i could see that being a big like, life/green mage thing in particular. physically binding your soul to another feels like a big life force manip thing. tho i do agree that it should be a rarer thing than pokemon training in canon is. i think if there is this kind of bonding process, it's also different than just befriending them. like, maybe rei and pikachu don't have one, or don't at first anyhow? it might actually be more of a pearl/diamond thing in general, which would be an interesting inverse to canon.

or maybe rather than being a bonding process that anyone can do, this is a specific magic effect done by green mages, and it can be either intentionally with the agreement of all parties, or forcibly. either way you form a sort of link of will, which makes me think the marks maybe show up on your head/neck/chest rather than hands? consensually it's an empathic bond, nonconsensually it's almost a mind control effect. ...maybe this is a lake trio related thing, even.

the wardens all having noble bonds i think is good, and that could also go a ways towards explaining why nobles are more powerful/smarter/etc than their non-noble counterparts, if that thing about familiar bonding materially changing the animal/pokemon is true. in which case one of the wardens should be able to cast it. or it's adaman and irida's responsibility, which adds some explanation to "what are they doing in this verse, what are their responsibilities" and also suggests irida has these capabilities, which could further mean that she could materially put a lock on ingo's magic via the same sort of manipulation of life force. which also implies interesting things about their relationship that i sort of dig, if he was so suspected of being unable or unwilling to safely control the magic that she felt the need to do that.

...maybe his own making warden wasn't even like, a position of privilege, it was just using the life link as an entry path to get access and basically impose that link as a block between him and his magic. which almost makes him feel like a suspect that they're trying to control. at least at first, since they'd also inadvertently assigned him to [whatever being a warden means in this world] they sort of had to get to know him and then oops, now they like and respect him as a colleague. fuck. i might also keep none of this entire tangent. idk. what were we talking about again.

[yonpote]

The thing that bothers me about dnp stan twitter is everyone caring so much about "notices" and follower counts. It feels like high school sometimes. Plus Dan and Phil don't really go here so it's more chill on Tumblr.

from my experience it seems like people care less about follower count now, but back in 2018 oh my god follower to following ratio was such an important thing even tho it literally doesnt matter? nowadays i have followers and mutuals who have a couple thousand followers and i have mutuals with like 20 followrrs and theyre all pretty chill to me!

also, its not that i dont care about notices, but for example i had dan answer a couple of my questions in his instagram q&a and i didnt really hold that in high regard (tho i did post them on twitter) cuz like, idk i asked q's about wad and then ended up not seeing wad anyhow so it felt weird to care about something like that, but at the time i was def excited about it and sent that to a couple of irls who knew about dan lol. and also im a chronic account deleter so all my notices are replies to accounts that dont exist anymore lol

the thing with it feeling like high school is well. even nowadays where we're all "old as fuck," most twitter phannies are either in or fresh out of high school so that makes sense to me. its one of the reasons why im strictly 18+ even when im not particularly nsfw.

i think there is a way to engage with twitter as a whole (not just phannie twitter) that is not toxic and i think i have been doing it somewhat, but also i think inherently the structure of twitter makes for a place that discourages nuance and encourages getting clicks as fast as possible which isnt the fault of stans (although yknow we could argue about stan culture till the cows come home) but just how twitter works lol. but so far it's been alright, it's nice to just kinda drop my thoughts on there but i think i def prefer having my paragraphs of rambles on tumblr lol

[starszinhis3y3s]

my boss told me i keep getting sick cuz im "too clean" ☠️ and that u cant catch the same sickness twice ever, much less twice in a row.

i genuinely think he's an anti masker. he thinks u dont get "enough air" in a mask and like was talking about how "in the beginning of covid, faucci was telling us not to mask cuz we needed that immunity...you know those kids who ate dirt and their boogers? it was like a natural immunity and theyre all super healthy now"

NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE i was frequently homeless and was also just kinda a gross fucken kid. all it did was make my immune system go to shit!!!

he told me other people arent what makes you sick!!!!! y'all ☠️ thats exactly how it works. someone dont wash they hands, or dont wear a mask and now that sickness has spread. idk i feel like I learned that in 1st grade when they taught us hand washing and common courtesy 🤔

idk travis was sayin some really incorrect things about medicine and science and it took all my willpower to just keep my mouth shut and pretend to be stupid. as if i didnt go to college in high school and have a scholarship to get my doctorate in forensic pathology and dont still keep up with the science/medical journals 🤦🏽 these white people treat me like I'm stupid anyhow, why not play into it yk saves on arguments

i literally do the most to keep myself healthy too: vitamins, germ ex, lysol wipes, masking, social distancing etc. and this man is telling me to do more. WHAT MORE CAN I ACTUALLY DO HERE??? hes all "take probiotics and kombucha" like bitch that stuff dont work like u think it does

[oni-tengu]

DONT REBLOG

ive basically had my ask box open for months so feel free to send requests but i got a booster today & my shit hurted (arm is sore) so im gonna chill tonight maybe. idk.

aaaaanyway, status aside, i just. man. those asks this morning LMAO ive had to just say shit before (ie getting inc*st shippers in my notifs) & clarify im not down with this shit, so.

i just need to talk, and if you disagree with the following, have any issues at all, question the legitimacy of things listed below, just do me a favor & block. i wont be responding to any potential distaste for anything i talk about, but here's some shit i am against and feel vital to clarify. so you know where i lie and that this blog has no space for awful things, its become unfortunately very important to state certain....things. long post

cw / tw for mature topics in mention (AGAINST the following) : p*dophilia inc*st gr**ming

firstly, the topic of inc*st. hard no, this ALSO goes for anything involving minors in any sexual context, minors with adults in an unreasonable age gap (lets just say the limit is 18 y/o with a 20 y/o as acceptable and i generally avoid thinking about people under 20 anyhow bc im 23 and ive lost relatability with people that much younger than me)

why? the idea that fiction does not affect reality is just something i dont agree with. fiction needs criticism, yes, but having things portraying p*do and inc*st in a sexually gratifying light contributes to brainwashing & grooming, and ive seen it firsthand because i was on homestuck tumblr in 2012 when i was 13 years old and it was NORMALIZED. it was a case of community grooming and it FUCKING WORKED. i feel grateful that i was able to see past it when i got older but it was DANGEROUS and theres a plethora of horror stories of kids at cons & meetups being actively groomed and put into harmful situations in real life. this is just a fact, this all happened, i witnessed it firsthand, and i have friends that were right there with me.

placing the blame on minors and victims is not the response anyone should have. saying to "think critically" about the media a person consumes when someone is being actively harmed by the topics above, is harmful in itself. it is not on the victims to "know better" when they are being groomed, just because it seems easy for others, when this is an active, real life issue. and honestly, fuck you so hard if you disagree with that, or that its not even "real"

i truly have such a hard time believing that people honestly defend literal fucking p*dophilia online under the guise of "its harmless fiction". i think people who agree with that are perpetrating this propaganda, brainwashing, and the minors who think its okay HAVE been brainwashed and they dont even know it. they vehemently defend it, and most people in the REAL WORLD would be horrified and disgusted by this, even afraid for these teens and preteens. i certainly am!

moving on to the next point of discussion, i think sexualities and genders should be respected! youd think this is an obvious one, but hey look, last night someone wanted me to draw dirk strider in a romantic ship with a woman. this goes for fiction and real life, sexuality and gender matter & should be respected. ill be honest, theres some microlabels and identities i dont always understand, but people finding comfort in things, figuring stuff out, its usually just something you should let be, and i try to. i dont believe harassment is the answer & i'd go out of my way to defend someone with an identity i dont understand, if theyre being bullied! as long as youre not being offensive or harmful, this is a safe area for yall

i.e. trans men are men, trans women are women. i've had my own identity questioned since i identify with being nonbinary/agender and a lesbian at the same time, and to me and many others in the community, this makes sense, but to others it clearly does not. as long as youre not encroaching on communities that are not for you, your identity should be respected, and i am determined to reflect that in my creations as well.

to wrap this up, hoping i got the more "controversial" things out of the way, i want to point out that there are nuances to every social topic. i was not born with knowledge of all things, and every year im learning about stereotypes ive never heard of, history that belongs to communities im not a part of! so, i want to say that if im unconsciously adding to or portraying some offensive thing, itd be important to me to be made aware. morals & empathy are two things i care about very deeply and if theres something i should know, then i'd at least LIKE to know.

if theres another social topic that matters to you enough that you want to know where i stand so you can feel comfortable in who you follow, i'd be open to questions. but to reiterate: any bullshit about disagreeing with me, any hate, etc will not be responded to & will be met with a VERY adorable block (: so cute when that block button is utilized. feel free to use it tbh

so. there we are. showing my whole ass here. morality matters and im sticking to my guns

TL:DR

i hate inc*st and p*dophilia, fiction affects reality, non harmful identities should be respected, tell me if i fuck up.

[transanimegirl]

so in the latest episode of healin good precure, one of the girls is gonna touch a baby (fledgling) bird, but some lady (she takes care of the surrounding area so park ranger maybe i dont care) stops her. i was worries it was gonna be some "mamma birds dont recognize their smell if you touch them" bs but its actually about catching diseases which is really sensible (im sure as a kid we've all wanted to touch wild animals like lizards or birds)

so anyways, thats a good message for everyone - dont touch wild animals because you can hurt yourself or the animal. unless its in danger let it be. and even if it is in danger, keep in mind what youre doing so you dont lose a finger or injur the animal

i know about turtles so im specifically gonna mention snapping turtles here. im sure we've all seen them on roads before. theyre common around here at least. and if you see them on the road you wanna get them off the road so they dont get run over right? right so what people do is either pick them up by the tail or make em bite a stick and drag them across the pavement. theyre off the road so thats good right?

ok so heres the thing - no. both of the above methods can hurt them. many people grab snappers by the tail, not realizing that, you know, animals arent meant to be picked up by the tail. idk if it was earnie brown who popularized this or simply the fact that its the furthest part from the mouth but anyhow, it can injur the turle. similarly, dragging it across pavement can injur the bottom of the shell. generally speaking, if i scrape my leg i can disinfrct it. a turtle though just dives into dirty water and mud to let it get infected.

so yeah theres a specific way to pick them up but first of all, if you can use like a bucket or a shovel or such try to avoid touching an animal that can hurt you. if its a slider or cooter or whatever you dont gotta worry as much but they can still bite and scratch (and pee lol) so be mindful and keep them close to the ground in case they try to make a break (or you panic because a turtle is peeing on your favorite shirt #relatable)

basically you gotta grab snapping turtles by the back part of the shell. by the two legs (the part above the legs iirc, but its 4 am and thats not really the point of this post.) make sure to keep animal faces away from your body or you'll get a hole in your shirt.

[sikereviewdotcom]

magic school bus - flexes its muscles (s1e15) review

ok so i wasnt sure what id watch today i had to find something just to chill and review but honestly watching this show was a terrible idea i mean it 

it was the most boring watch ive had and not because its bad but if youre over 8 honestly it is

w/e i watched it and im gonna review the hell out of this as i always do lets begin with why the 15th episode of the first season? very simple: the title, a natural basic choice "flexes its muscles" we all can see in our mind a flashback on a certain song concerning muscles and trucks as the title flashes on the screen oh yea mama i feel very at ease rn like timmy sitting in front of his tv a good old tuesday morning before school with that lil bowl of cereal except timmy is mute and makes up all they say on the shows so everything is his own he stole the rights from the voice actors and the plot along its cartoons (c) timmy now boys

so wats it about? ralphie being a loser as always, actually ive never watched any other episode but the tone he talks in gives him the loser etiquette after all he does throw a tantrum when his robot didnt work for the second time theyre all stupid, all of these characters are stupid and i have no idea how old they are anyhow yea ralph wanna have a robot to do his chores because everyone else is having fun while he has to do them because hes often late or w/e something like that now from now on we either side with the bitch girl

or the fat boy

thats probably how she qualifies him but yea you have to make a choice because there will be some serious competition: theyre betting because after ralphie runs to everyone shouting about making a robot she goes all "haha you cant do it, stupid" and quite a few other especially that one lil blue sweatered guy jesus hes bad yea like even the old guy from after that will be all "nah" at his bully-joke except he aint a bully, none of them are now why is she a bitch? because she said if he loses the bet he cannot play any sport game anymore and only do the chores wtf how does she even have that kind of authority? how old are they? no shes just a classmate, ralph dont be a pushover now well he isnt because he goes all "haha fuck you itll work im THE GREAT FUCKING RALPHIE AND MY 40 THIEVES-BOT" > “full of himself” is the exact word to describe him 

so after that teachah goes all "hey sup lol ive totally not heard you but lets all go inside the bus we have a full day!! wow!! im totally not gonna drive yall to a shop in which you can build a robot as i distract the grandpa ive been flirting with for years but let hanging on for decades waiting for his soon-to-be death when obvs hes all over me and im all over him but its a kid show and im not sure the public is ready for our intense wacky elderly passionate tension, nope nothing pegi 16 not even close its pg 13 actually but you wouldnt be allowed to watch the show then because if youre over 13 youre probably not gonna watch anymore of this, babies cant handle our hot old romcom nah" so yea theyre in a workbodyshop smthg next

this episode really revolves around the body and its structure, in the most basic way you have no idea how basic it went its the basics of basicness like the bases of every bases i havent learned anything and even if i were 8 i still wouldnt not have learned anything its probably a 6 yo focused show idk guys i was really questionned either id give it a final shot but yea, still it sucked, but i understand for a 6yo they may pick up the fact that they have bones and muscles and wow thats how you move now ill say the cybernetic aspect of how they build a robot is pretty weak, no explanations as to how the robot suddenly moves because ok you got the joints, structure and everything all figured out but.. what about everything else? what does this robot run on? stupidness? is it? because it goes apeshit

totally unexcepted this is a very basic formula: kids want robot to do chores, kids make it (somehow), robot turns against kids the end: you cant make robots without them turning evil also its the 90s wtf are you on? robots? wow? no brah thats future bs were not doing that anyway meanwhile the teacher was lying and saying the school bus is broken btw just straight up made her grandpacrush work for nothing for a buncha hours but eh look at her

i wouldnt trust her with my child, this face was an artistic choice so it says it all ok? so wassup next? robot be beaten by ralphie ass (who won the bet btw if youre on team bitch im not entirely sorry for you but because picking a team was a bad choice i was team nerd with glasses all along, yknow the ginger one?)

he seemed smarter than the others but also ended up disappointing me, everyone did and yet my exceptations werent high, my standards are pretty high but damn i tried to make an effort for this one, not specially surprising, is it? i guess i really did grow up since i was 6, huh

the end is this btw:

everyone was thinking the same as i did:

"stop flexing, we have no right to flex this episode was so blank the robot got more character development than anyone else"  

yep that happened

in conclusion? final rating? this is worth a big 3/10, not suitable for older than 7 y/o thats pretty much the limit really this close to not being entertaining if youre 7yo but chances are they exist, honestly it could be for older peeps but what do i know? i am making a global thing here, just painting the magic board so we can all (majority its a democracy) agree on something the animation is  kinda fine slash good for a show in the 90s? ig? and you CAN pick a things up if youre very young or have never been to primary school which is both very unlikely yet also sad if so

in the end: i do not recommand it there is nothing to be seen move along

obama tg, out

[soleilsim-blog]

how do you edit your photos? is there a certain way you do it or does it change a lot?? thank you!!

my editing is simply a blend of tutorials i have picked up along the way, namely @cupidjuice​, @ghardenia​, @foxbie​, @eefahsims​ and several others. i have an action but due to it being mostly other peoples ideas, i think i’m gonna keep it to myself. i am happy to show you what i do though and if anyone is uncomfortable with me sharing this i will take it down!

1. crop the image to (roughly) the size you’re gonna want it

2. add gradient on overlay setting (with opacity about 20%): i tend to use light pink tones (see CJ’s tutorial for some pretty shades!) although they change each time. i do one gradient from the centre of the picture across and one like i am snipping off the bottom corner of the picture (see ghardenias tutorial). the final product looks something like this

3. resize image: i resize my pictures to 1040 pixels width and then crop the height according to each post, this one will eventually be cropped to 500 pixels height.

4. general editing: for this, i would look to CJ’s tutorial, as i use her settings for levels & colour balance. on top of this, i also change the hue to round about -10 and add a layer of curves, which differ according to each post. by the end of that, the photo looks like this…

5. smart sharpen: even tho i blur the frick out of the photo later idk i still feel like it gives the photo a more crisp feel?? this step might be useless but i include it anyway! these are my settings:

6. duplicate layer and blur: i use gaussian blur which can be found under filter > blur > gaussian blur. i set the level to 1 pixel and then change opacity to like idk 20/30? just to give it a more dreamy vibe (again this step might be useless who knows i sure as hell dont)

after that is all merged together i believe that is everything my action covers! then i go onto further editing…

7. topaz clean: i use @early-grape‘s settings, which can be found here, honestly these tutorials saved my life and cleared my skin so check ‘em out tbh????

8. blur the background: to do this, i duplicate the layer (again), gaussian blur (again), but this time around 1.2 - 1.5 pixels, depending on the photo. i then choose the eraser tool, and erase anything i believe would be in the foreground, so that way that part isn’t blurry. then merge the image once more.

9. colour lookup: this tool is amazing tbh??? it helps with lighting in scenes and honestly some of the options are just rather pretty? anyHOW in this picture i used ‘soft warming’ (which is one i use often) so then the image looks like this

i then change the opacity to around 40/50% bc thats just TOO MUCH soft warming ya feel me????

10. lighting effects: i got this lil tip from @dill-pickles youtube video where she was editing her gameplay!! lighting effects really help give ur photos some depth!! find it under filter > render > lighting effects & change the settings to point. then choose a light colour which is suitable for the environment the screenshot is placed. try and move the point to an area lighting would naturally come from for the best possible result!!

11. light leaks (lmao cant help it theyre so pretty): download urself some god damn light leaks bc they make any screenshot beautiful ok??? pop it on top of your picture and then change the setting to ‘screen’ and change the opacity. for this one i also went on edit > transform and rotated the light leak so it was focused elsewhere.

12. add text: i use ‘candara’ at 22pt, then the ‘stroke’ effect on these settings

and voila!! here is the finished product:

honestly this is a mess but i hope it helps??? maybe ill do a more official post another time !!

[mirohed]

ooo man feelings are complicated,,, sometimes i wonder like what’s different between friendship and relationships. i feel like nowadays both terms are just so open to interpretation that there’s no clear line between them and it’s just? what you choose to call it? i hope everything goes well with you and your friend! where i’m from, igcses are examinations you take when you’re around 16 before your pre-university programmes! they help you get into colleges that you want to so they’re relatively

major exams,,, at least that’s how it feels like rn. in the grand scheme of things they probably aren’t super important but! for now it’s my main worry. anyways on a brighter note!! the anime op for domestic na kanojo is actually so!!! GOOD!!! i haven’t watched the anime (and don’t plan on doing so) but i really like all the songs from the singer of the op :>> - lil anon

yeah idk feelings are kinda :// if you ask me – i feel like if i spent some time apart from him id be just fine but im not in a position to do that sdfsd this is why you dont make your (almost) s/os do things that wont occur til the future bc its bitten me in the ass two (2) times LMAO but i mean were good (and were better off as friends anyhow) so when everythings said and done well be ok

ohhh !! theyre like the act/sat here then !! i hope you do well on them/did well fucksdfds i havent been good abt answering my asks but either way i hope you get the scores you want :))

and OK I HEARD ABT THAT ANIME AND GAVE IT A HARD PASS BC??? GROSS but i listened to the op and ?????? wow?????? when she does that growly kind of voice in what im assuming is the prechorus my jaw: DROPPED you have Good Taste (and if you wanna hmu w any recommendations pLEASE do)

[ghiblicottage]

see for me it's weird like, i like porn (i'm trying to stop for religious purposes), but i don't feel sexual attraction to people?? ever?? how do those two things integrate??? am i demi?? idk man idk it's confusing

dude same like ive been in this cycle of “wtf am i” for months/years now and i still have nothing figured out its exhausting

oh man this is gonna be long ill just go on a rant of all thats been going on on my mind for all this time lmao this is way too personal but whatever if not here where am i gonna share any of this … so all my rambling under the cut for anyone curious about my experience with being ace (probably, idek tbh)

i just? don’t feel things toward people ? but sex & love are okay/appealing to me? but also how the fuck should i know if i like it ive never tested it

and theres this constant pressure of telling wether you like males or females and u like? both? neither? idk ?? i just dont feel any different toward them? can’t tell wether its because im attracted to both or none? i can tell wether people are pretty, gorgeous, pleasing to look at even hot? but? boobs, penis, butts, pussy all that shit is just the same for me i can look at them i get this big nothing inside me … 

when i talk to my friends about it, okay im not blunt about it i try not to sound weird cause the real word is Judgy lmao but like id go “so like what’s sexual attraction for you?” and then theyd tell me “idk it feels kinda hot down there and shit when you look at someone hot” and yep none of that for me but then for the big Straights™ they are it’s obviously because im closeted gay or im just weird and prude you know, and on tumblr where the Gays are more vocal and share their experience i just cant relate either? so i just end up feeling like i fit in nowhere you know

kinda why itd be nice to have more asexual characters in popular media cause honestly im not here to explain over and over what it means to people who will only think that it makes you weird like yeah no thank you, so id like to be able to go like “you know that famous character ? yeah im like that too” and be done with it

ive come to define being ace as the opposite of bi, like we feel the same toward anyone as straight people feel toward the same gender and gay people feel toward the opposite one, if that makes any sense

but where do you go from there? sometimes ill get these fantasies about being in love and being in a relationship and being loved by someone and id be craving physical affection and hugs and just not feeling this void inside me but then i get confused as to wether or not i would be able to reciprocate any of that affection and if yes with who then? like what can i promise if i get in a relationship? are my feelings gonna be as deep as yours or is it just on the surface, if you wanna get physical how far am i gonna be able to go? i just got this endless list of questions going on and on and on its… exhausting

things like porn and smut, i think i like it but its more of a way to visualize things i dont know of i guess rather than something deeply exciting to me… im guessing people who really feel sexual attraction like it more, seeing all those naked people and stuff idk … like just when my brothers talk about “boobs” (okay theyre like 14 and 17 so not quite the reference but whatever) or when my friend talk about guys they find hot, i mean i can see that it’s sexual attraction they’re talking about and im just here yeah those are big stacks of meat but whatever you do you i guess

and when it comes to “love” i know that i want it you know i havent been fantasizing and getting all these butterflies over my ships since i was 10 for nothing, i crave this deep emotional connection, but also i cant seem to be able to feel it for anyone ? the closest ive gotten to a crush was when i was 14 and this guy said he genuinely liked me, as in liked my personality (because i got quite a few guys asking me out just for my looks who had never even talked to me and it always made me incredibly uncomfortable), and i got butterflies about it for like a day and a half lol but then it went away pretty quickly anyway and turned out he had a crush on my best friend which honestly didn’t even disappoint me… i think i just liked the idea of someone liking me for who i am you know. and i dont think ive ever felt anything like that for anyone since then so …  i also have never fell for my girl friends which i heard is a thing commonly experienced by lesbians

and here comes the confusing part, because if im gonna watch porn id rather watch lesbian porn, het porn makes me uncomfortable more than anything its like always about the male gaze, male pleasure idk, and i know lesbian porn is pretty much always about the male gaze too unfortunately but at least it shows female pleasure you know… and also i feel like girls smile more in lesbian porn which i like better but im not an expert lmao, and AT BEST id rather watch a good movie sex scene where ive been able to watch the people fall for each other first like in the handmaiden for exemple. But when it comes to fic/smut fic (and general shipping) i think i only ever read m/f ones, i think the idea of a guy falling in love with a girl is a thing i really love cause forgive me but irl guys dont seem capable of any emotions… SO what does that mean ?? wtf am i?? i dont fucking know smh

basically i guess all i can say is im on the ace spectrum and everything is confusing af, and im completely oversharing so feel free to ignore lmao but i thought maybe some confused ace over there might like to read about someone who has somewhat of a similar experience idk, id like that i guess, it’s kind of hard to find a place to fit in anywhere so its nice to feel a sense of belonging like we’re not alone or broken and all that

i hope i havent been too disrespectful or anything, also i kind of dont really like watching porn and, i mean its not like im a big consumer of it anyway, but im thinking of stopping too because this industry is incredibly hurtful to women and i think its good that you are trying to stop! 

anyhow im embarrassed now lmao i cant believe im sharing all that but whatever here we go

[strawberryspeachy]

I dont remember what i was watching the other day that made me think of this....

And i have a particular.... somewhat particular. Not just one opinion more of a.... branch like opinion. Like that theres many stems kind of thing

So

Anyone that cares to read into this will probably get what one of my opinions are. But i wont blatantly say it... yet. Because. Yes

When i was in school we had lock down drills about as many times as we had bomb drills.... not super frequently but we were familiar with it

Thought it was absolutely bonkers when one of my teachers complained that he wasnt allowed to put a blackout paper on his door and then went on for the next ten minutes about how he put his desk near the windows so that if a shooter came in he could jump out the window as thr shooter killed us instead and then hed run around in the trees..... well ignore that he got fired for being a racist peice of shit

Anyhow. Not as frequent obviously when i was in school. But talked about enough that apparently a lot of kids thought about it

And here i go

Cause it wasnt all kids. It was a lot of kids.

I only heard about these thoughts when someone told me they were nice to one of my friends so that if she shot up the school shed be spared. This friend - most people made fun. They liked to try and rile her up because if someone got to her she responded loudly and audibly. Ya know. Youre normal weirdo

Another of my friends often joked that the teachers looked at her like ‘the next columbine kid’ and that they probably had a button for her. Cause she was quiet and didnt talk to many people and mostly just drew and kept to herself except would get visably stressed over exams.

And the only other times the thought of anyone i went to school with showing up with a gun came up - was after a bunch of asshole kids would taunt and push a kid to the point that they would scream - get in trouble for screaming - and then storm out of the room. Then other people would say - yo stop fucking with him before he brings a gun into school

I also. Encas it wasnt obvious. Was an outcast that generally was really quiet - a pretty decent candidate for someone who might snap. A couple times during those hushed conversations - that i took notice of - a couple people would look my way and do that thing preppy girls do - where they talk even quicker amoung themselves and then say hi in that way... that way that your recognize is making fun of you but cant describe to anyone because they do it so they wont get in trouble for it

I told some kids when i did twitch -how i responded - they said id get expelled for it now. Yea probably. Unfortunate. Because my way of handling them always brought a smile to my face.

Those couple times the conversation would turn from whatever kid they just ran out of the room onto me - id always respond with something like

Oh dont worry i wouldnt bring a gun to school (pause and look as psychotically methodical as possible) i have better ways that wont send me to jail

Then id glare at them - keeping eye contact - until all their smiles faded and they looked away

Sometimes thered be that one girl who whined about how mean of my that was to say and would go on a tangent as though she wasnt just making fun of someone 50 seconds ago. Shes gonna tell the teacher. Why do i hate them? Start asking me a bunch of fucking questions. Just in the shrill voice going on and on

Honestly those ones of the worst one. Like they go from bullying to pretending they were the ones being bullied by the kid theyre tormenting in a flash. The ones who want attention. Who know that if they just keep whining loudly the teachers will give them what they want to shut them up. When they did that with the loudly reactive kids - theyd get the kid that just got bullied in trouble for having an argument with them because their resons to their rhetorical questions woulf be stuff like “cause your a bitch and you and your friends wont leave me alone” and then the teacher would hear things like bitch and get the other kids in trouble

Idk about other schools. But in my school it was nice that we had a good amount of apathetic kids who would step in and tell that whiny girl off for first making fun of someone and then pretending she was the victim to to just stfu

Also the way that these shrill obnoxious girls... normally girls. Ever stop. Is by laughing? Yea when someone would finally get them to shut up and stop theyd laugh it off with their friends.

Well anyway.

Thats all for that post..

[internetdetectives]

11/15/19 - Chat with The Producer

The Producer 1:51 PM: "whats up”

The Producer 1:51 PM: "the producer, comin at you again because i forgot my email address”

Xenquility 1:51 PM: "lmao”

The Producer 1:51 PM: "see this is why im at the bottom of the totem pole”

The Producer 1:52 PM: "weed boys light up”

The Producer 1:52 PM: "and yes Bup does enjoy """""fun"""""”

Xenquility 1:53 PM: "Do dimension travelling bad guys still smoke weed”

The Producer 1:53 PM: "everyone has time to smoke weed”

Xenquility 1:53 PM: "Yknow why do these guys have to have fun by killing people”

Xenquility 1:53 PM: "couldn't they just get addicted to heroine or something”

The Producer 1:53 PM: "also im not a bad guy”

The Producer 1:53 PM: "only bup is a bad guy”

Xenquility 1:53 PM: "(I know)”

The Producer 1:53 PM: ":wink:”

The Producer 1:53 PM: "im addicted to herobrine”

Xenquility 1:54 PM: "herobrine is my dad”

Xenquility 1:54 PM: "give me admin or he'll ban you”

The Producer 1:54 PM: "damn”

Xenquility 1:54 PM: "he knows bill gates”

The Producer 1:54 PM: "another spooky possessed minecraft admin”

The Producer 1:54 PM: "just kidding”

The Producer 1:54 PM: "perhaps its best if we leave that whole debacle in the past”

Xenquility 1:55 PM: "Hey why did Bup have to  do SKM like that”

The Producer 1:55 PM: "that wasnt Bup's doing”

Xenquility 1:55 PM: "Oh shit”

The Producer 1:55 PM: "technically it wasnt any of ours”

Xenquility 1:55 PM: "Any idea whose it was?”

Xenquility 1:55 PM: "inb4 we cause it in the future”

The Producer 1:56 PM: "something nasty did it”

The Producer 1:56 PM: "dark forces mixed with one of our members”

Xenquility 1:56 PM: "sounds kinky”

Xenquility 1:56 PM: "what type of dark forces?”

The Producer 1:58 PM: "dark forces we're all familiar with”

The Producer 1:58 PM: "things that come and go”

The Producer 1:58 PM: "Noise”

The Producer 1:58 PM: "id answer more clearly but that's not in the cards atm”

Xenquility 1:58 PM: "to which one”

The Producer 1:58 PM: "yes”

The Producer 1:58 PM: "he came down with a bad case of the D”

Xenquility 1:59 PM: ":PROVIDETHED:”

Xenquility 1:59 PM: "wait”

The Producer 1:59 PM: "my bad”

Xenquility 1:59 PM: "did you have to provide him the D this time”

The Producer 1:59 PM: "unfortunately he gave it to himself”

Xenquility 1:59 PM: "woah”

Xenquility 1:59 PM: "can you get him to record it next time”

The Producer 1:59 PM: "a very talented man”

Xenquility 1:59 PM: "I need it for science”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:00 PM: ":regi:”

Xenquility 2:00 PM: ":dad3:”

The Producer 2:00 PM: "if only we had an artist here to depict such a thing”

Xenquility 2:00 PM: "we have a coomer to depict such things”

Xenquility 2:00 PM: "if that counts”

The Producer 2:00 PM: "one talented in manly copulation”

The Producer 2:00 PM: "no coomers allowed”

The Producer 2:00 PM: "company policy”

Xenquility 2:01 PM: "fine by me”

The Producer 2:01 PM: "coompany policy”

Xenquility 2:01 PM: "I hope these conversations get archived”

The Producer 2:02 PM: "they always do”

Xenquility 2:02 PM: "hell yes”

The Producer 2:02 PM: "i just have to be careful not to mention erratas or my bosses w”

Xenquility 2:02 PM: "anyways any chance you could tell us why it was useful for :dad: and :moonman: to be in the past”

The Producer 2:03 PM: "not sure”

The Producer 2:03 PM: "that's Bup's forte”

The Producer 2:03 PM: "but good luck getting any info out of them”

Xenquility 2:03 PM: "the only way he gives us stuff is if we gamble with people's lives”

Xenquility 2:03 PM: "and even then we might not get a straight answer”

Xenquility 2:03 PM: "sorry why do you work with this dude again”

The Producer 2:04 PM: "a baby's gotta do what a baby's gotta do”

Xenquility 2:04 PM: "do you make minimum wage”

The Producer 2:04 PM: "*gots to do”

The Producer 2:04 PM: "sorry”

Xenquility 2:04 PM: "cause if not you should sue”

The Producer 2:08 PM: "Bup can often be a hanful”

The Producer 2:08 PM: "and also a handful”

The Producer 2:08 PM: "and also a mouthfull”

The Producer 2:08 PM: "but I trust him”

Xenquility 2:08 PM: "insulting the boss? I'm reporting you to hr”

The Producer 2:08 PM: "no wait”

The Producer 2:08 PM: "i dont want to get docked again”

The Producer 2:08 PM: "my payment i mean”

Xenquility 2:09 PM: "where can we sign up to work interdimensional office jobs sound great”

The Producer 2:09 PM: "you all have the capacity to”

Xenquility 2:09 PM: "the capacity to sign up?”

The Producer 2:10 PM: "well”

The Producer 2:10 PM: "not sign up for this specific organization”

The Producer 2:10 PM: "but you could become a wide-eyed up and coming spooky entrepreneur based on your own merits”

Xenquility 2:12 PM: "sounds cool”

Xenquility 2:12 PM: "How exactly would that work?”

The Producer 2:15 PM: "first you must enter a deep sleep where you can tap into your inner dreams”

The Producer 2:15 PM: "then you must make a sacrifice”

The Producer 2:15 PM: "not one of blood but one of time”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:15 PM: "Did you say”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:15 PM: "Dream”

The Producer 2:15 PM: "then you must do a bunch of other stupid esoteric bullshit and boom suddenly youre the CEO of bigdicks spookyboys r us”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:16 PM: "Cool where I can put my curriculum”

Xenquility 2:16 PM: "i wanna be the ceo of bigdicks spookyboyrs r us”

Xenquility 2:16 PM: "what does this "other stupid esoteric bullshit" entail?”

The Producer 2:16 PM: "no education requirements... required”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:16 PM: "Who shall I contact then”

Xenquility 2:17 PM: "does doing all this shit turn you evil or is it just normally done by evil people”

The Producer 2:18 PM: "moral requirements are also not required”

The Producer 2:18 PM: "also i should specify that all of this is me attempting to describe very non-descript things”

The Producer 2:18 PM: ”dont take it too literally

The Producer 2:18 PM: "or do”

The Producer 2:18 PM: "unless...?”

Xenquility 2:19 PM: "so is basically a "find your own inner CEO" scam”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:20 PM: "Piramyd scheme”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:20 PM: ":funkyface:”

The Producer 2:23 PM: "Damn”

The Producer 2:23 PM: "im starting to realize”

The Producer 2:23 PM: "maybe this is a △ scheme”

Xenquility 2:25 PM: "yes”

Xenquility 2:25 PM: "come to the light side”

Xenquility 2:25 PM: "we have uh”

Xenquility 2:25 PM: "things”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:25 PM: "And uh”

The Producer 2:25 PM: "does it pay more than over here”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:25 PM: "Phisical bodies?”

The Producer 2:25 PM: "aka more than 0”

Xenquility 2:25 PM: "Probably yes”

Xenquility 2:25 PM: "Actually  yes'”

Xenquility 2:25 PM: "minimum wage is like 14 dollars in canada”

The Producer 2:26 PM: ">canada”

Xenquility 2:26 PM: "lower in the US but their dollar is worth more so it balances out”

The Producer 2:26 PM: "ill stay here thanks”

Xenquility 2:26 PM: "aw”

Xenquility 2:26 PM: "but if you come here you get to be hunted by your previous coworkers for all of eternity”

Xenquility 2:26 PM: "it's funner than it sounds”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:27 PM: ">14$”

The Producer 2:27 PM: "damn”

The Producer 2:27 PM: "theyll get The Hunter on my ass”

Xenquility 2:27 PM: "Ooo”

Xenquility 2:27 PM: ""The Hunter"”

ARGdov 2:27 PM: "I cant believe BUP and co are running an instagram pyramid scheme”

The Producer 2:27 PM: "we sell knives”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:27 PM: "Fuk”

Xenquility 2:27 PM: "that sounds like the name of an edgy teenager named Hunter”

ARGdov 2:28 PM: "man my mom bought knives from one of those people”

ARGdov 2:28 PM: "seemingly completely unaware of how fishy theyre business strategy is”

ARGdov 2:28 PM: "granted they are very good knives”

The Producer 2:28 PM: "id rather they send The Hunter than The Coomer”

Xenquility 2:28 PM: "hey”

Xenquility 2:28 PM: "you said no coomers allowed”

The Producer 2:29 PM: "im kidding, we don't have either of those people”

The Producer 2:29 PM: "you caught me”

ARGdov 2:29 PM: "wasnt the hunter one of the skeksis in the dark crystal”

ARGdov 2:29 PM: "sorry Im just joking”

The Producer 2:30 PM: "we're not that strict”

The Producer 2:30 PM: "theres just a few rules we need to abide by”

ARGdov 2:30 PM: "like what”

The Producer 2:30 PM: "tbh we're much less organized than those other guys”

ARGdov 2:30 PM: "1: be fucking obtuse and vague to everyone outside of the company”

The Producer 2:30 PM: "Id rather have The Coomer sent after me instead of The Operator any day”

Xenquility 2:30 PM: "hey”

Xenquility 2:30 PM: "you said no operator's allowed”

ARGdov 2:30 PM: "I mean yeah fair”

ARGdov 2:30 PM: "the operators spoopy”

ARGdov 2:30 PM: "glad slendermans not real”

ARGdov 2:30 PM: "what the fuck was that”

Xenquility 2:31 PM: "?”

ARGdov 2:31 PM: "some reaction popped up”

ARGdov 2:31 PM: "it POPPED AGAIN AND I MISSED IT”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:31 PM: "Oh fuck marble hornets” 

ARGdov 2:31 PM: "ok its "WOW"”

Xenquility 2:31 PM: "wow”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:31 PM: "That series is great”

Xenquility 2:31 PM: "who reacted with it?”

ARGdov 2:31 PM: "dunno who posted it but I can guess”

ARGdov 2:31 PM: "Im guessing Producer”

ARGdov 2:31 PM: "idk”

ARGdov 2:31 PM: "I keep missing”

Xenquility 2:32 PM: "tf they just used :dream:”

ARGdov 2:32 PM: "yea”

The Producer 2:32 PM: "no sorry i was away”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:32 PM: "Prolly just wolfposting”

ARGdov 2:32 PM: "oh yeah prolly”

ARGdov 2:32 PM: "anyhow”

The Producer 2:33 PM: "also

The Producer 2:33 PM: "”1: be fucking obtuse and vague to everyone outside of the company””

The Producer 2:33 PM: "yes”

ARGdov 2:33 PM: "how long has your organization even been around?”

ARGdov 2:33 PM: "thats not surprising lol”

ARGdov 2:33 PM: "2: do whatever BUP says”

ARGdov 2:33 PM: "3: if there is somehow an issue with these two contradicting one another, check with BUP”

ARGdov 2:33 PM: "4: see rule one”

Xenquility 2:34 PM: "5: ???”

Xenquility 2:34 PM: "6: profit”

The Producer 2:34 PM: "we've been around since the beginning”

The Producer 2:34 PM: "but as ive said, some have come and gone”

ARGdov 2:34 PM: "since the begining”

ARGdov 2:34 PM: "so since before all this nonsense started”

ARGdov 2:34 PM: "granted”

ARGdov 2:34 PM: "this has been going on in some capacity since the 80s, seeing thats when the MC formed”

ARGdov 2:34 PM: "so not really helpful”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:35 PM: "Hm”

The Producer 2:35 PM: "7. dont be helpful”

ARGdov 2:35 PM: "well thats basically rule 1”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:35 PM: "What if u disobey?”

The Producer 2:36 PM: "ill get smote”

Xenquility 2:36 PM: "bup  can smite people wtf”

The Producer 2:36 PM: "i dont really wish to disobey though”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:36 PM: "Fuking zeus”

The Producer 2:36 PM: "as i said, i trust bup”

ARGdov 2:36 PM: "you get cut”

ARGdov 2:36 PM: "literally”

ARGdov 2:36 PM: "figuratively”

ARGdov 2:36 PM: "painfully”

ARGdov 2:36 PM: "permanently”

The Producer 2:36 PM: "that doesnt necessarily mean you should though”

ARGdov 2:36 PM: "or something”

ARGdov 2:36 PM: "so you've been around for awhile”

The Producer 2:37 PM: "bup will cut”

ARGdov 2:37 PM: "but are only making yourselves known now”

The Producer 2:37 PM: "theyre really good at scissoring”

Xenquility 2:37 PM: "hot”

The Producer 2:38 PM: "i cant say too much more though or they'll get on my ass about it”

Xenquility 2:38 PM: "if bup is good at scissoring does that confirm they're female”

The Producer 2:38 PM: "like i said i dont wanna assume for them”

The Producer 2:38 PM: "they identify as toad”

Xenquility 2:39 PM: "I mean I don't want to discriminate but it's kinda hard for a man to scissor”

otherLiam 2:39 PM: "Clearly you aren’t trying hard enough.”

The Producer 2:39 PM: "^”

otherLiam 2:39 PM: "Also hi.”

The Producer 2:40 PM: "hello coomerLiam”

Xenquility 2:40 PM: "woah”

Xenquility 2:40 PM: "harsh”

otherLiam 2:40 PM: "?”

otherLiam 2:40 PM: "is that like a racial slur”

Xenquility 2:40 PM: "yes”

The Producer 2:40 PM: "this server claims this is the internet coomtectives right”

Xenquility 2:40 PM: "producer is a huge racist”

The Producer 2:40 PM: "my apologies”

otherLiam 2:40 PM: "i prefer zoomerLiam”

The Producer 2:40 PM: "i meme with extreme prejudice”

ARGdov 2:41 PM: "nice”

Xenquility 2:41 PM: "bigotry makes the memes grow fonder”

The Producer 2:41 PM: "and my dick grow harder” 

Xenquility 2:41 PM: ";)”

otherLiam 2:42 PM: "So why follow BUP?”

The Producer 2:42 PM: "we have share the same goal”

Xenquility 2:42 PM: "since when does bup have a goal”

otherLiam 2:42 PM: "I don’t suppose you’d tell us what that is.”

The Producer 2:42 PM: "refer to rules 1 and 7”

Xenquility 2:43 PM: "what if we say finding it out will severely deter us from living?”

Xenquility 2:43 PM: "the truth will blow our mind or something”

The Producer 2:43 PM: "well I dont want that”

Xenquility 2:44 PM: "damnit”

otherLiam 2:44 PM: "wat rules”

The Producer 2:44 PM: "also refer to rule 34”

The Producer 2:44 PM: "haha lol xd”

The Producer 2:44 PM: "theres another XD for you”

Xenquility 2:44 PM: "also could you tell me where your office is located because I keep imagining some stereotypical office building floating in a rift between dimensions and it's hurting my brain”

Xenquility 2:44 PM: "or some sort of general area”

Xenquility 2:44 PM: "like what planet”

The Producer 2:44 PM: "no that sounds about right”

Xenquility 2:45 PM: "fuck yes”

Xenquility 2:45 PM: "how do you get wifi”

otherLiam 2:45 PM: "so how exactly do you “produce” stuff? is it just magic or do you sometimes have to just go to the store”

The Producer 2:47 PM: "i walk down to the spook store”

The Producer 2:47 PM: "sometimes use my spook heelies”

Xenquility 2:47 PM: "is that inbetween dimensions too”

The Producer 2:47 PM: "yeah”

The Producer 2:47 PM: "its like a inter dimensional 7/11”

Xenquility 2:47 PM: "also are there any villains that aren't inherently "spooky"”

Xenquility 2:47 PM: "like just average joes”

Xenquility 2:47 PM: "that happen to be evil”

Slinky Stinks△ 2:48 PM: "”its like a inter dimensional 7/11””

Slinky Stinks△ 2:48 PM: "I'm in”

The Producer 2:51 PM: "Id argue that Bup isn't really that spooky”

The Producer 2:51 PM: "I mean he's toad”

Xenquility 2:51 PM: "true”

pakospooky 2:51 PM: "IIIII”

pakospooky 2:51 PM: "coming”

The Producer 2:52 PM: "oof”

The Producer 2:52 PM: "Pako posting forbidden things”

pakospooky 2:52 PM: "what?”

pakospooky 2:52 PM: "how forbidden?”

The Producer 2:52 PM: "refer to rules 1, 7, and also rules 8 - 99 which all ready "be spookey be spookey be spookey"”

The Producer 2:52 PM: "anyways the boys are sending me out to pick up some spook donuts”

The Producer 2:52 PM: "see you all later”

Xenquility 2:53 PM: "seeya broski”

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #10: "This is why people hate the gays” - Michael

Oh my fucking god did y’all see that tribal I was like butch it’s me I’m going like bye bye omg but NO it was simply a vote reveal and the idol WILL be mine

So a few things to go over...

One, the plan to get rid of Felix was successful and bought me and Michael another day...HOWEVER, it would appear that I was not the first person to make it to the end of the bridge, which is a shame cuz I REALLY needed this idol, but it's okay.

Because Michael is still gonna be considered a bigger threat than me, and the most likely to go home if we both don't win immunity. That being said, I'm REALLY hoping I can pull this immunity off cuz it'd just be nice to not have to worry about it being me at tribal.

i'm on highkey alert starting now.... this round (and honestly for the rest of the game) is prime time for blindsides and the waters are ripe for it... i really wouldn't be shocked if i'm targeted and have to play my idol hmph. i really really really just want to be able to use it successfully and i will feel content af with my game no matter what happens...

my plan to take out jones is slowly unfolding, i worked on ryan earlier, and got him to see jones as a ringleader.. and he wants her out soon.. which is perfect for me hehe.. i just dropped some hints here and there that she has a lot of connections.. and now he's paranoid that she's gonna bring together a group of michael/david/mo/ahrre... which is perfect for me since i can use him to take her out... funny enough im not sure when i should take out ryan, he's definitely a threat going forward... but if i play my cards right i can take both of them out because i'm also painting ryan as a big target to some of the others hehe.. im trying not to overplay rn bc my ass is not on the line for votes currently, one misstep and I'm gone

im so mad.. rn LMAOAOAOAO like. jones is overplaying as hell n i want michael gone SOOOOOO BAD but i gotta be fake af.. almsldndg

me n ryan r the best duo tho like.. i think ive convinced everyone thet we arent as together as they think umu

So Felix went home. Which I knew about despite voting for Michael. I thought it was gonna be like 5-5 and tobi was considering to flip to avoid rocks. I didnt want Felix gone personally so I sent in a vote for Michael knowing it wouldnt change the outcome.

Jones is really overplaying wanting this next vote to be a split vote. Like no its 3-3-3 that way. THATS NOT SAFE. ITS ASKING for someone to flip. NO. Jones is going home this round or next round. Thats the T.

extra shit.. me tobi rhys ryan are all mad susp of miss jones and i think im tryna convince all of them to stick wth her plans until f7 and us 4 can cut her ass out of the equation :) yayayaya im excited. girl deserves it after her overplaying last week as much as i love her

Wiggling my way out of danger was a huge success, now i'm just hoping to lay low and not cause much drama and basically let the larger players; David, Rhys, Jones take one another out which will allow me to hopefully slip through the cracks and make it far.

nvm idk how to feel ab my position anymore ignore all previous confessionals that i praise myself LMAOAOAOAOA

It’s critical that I try my best to win immunities since my name and David’s is on the line and I’d rather he’d go than me. My best plan is to use Jones to my advantage she has a lot of sway with the other side and by playing off her need to be the leader and to have power to keep me in this game. Everybody wants power and everyone wants control and if Jones thinks that she has control over both sides of the tribe then she’s not gonna get suspicious and take me out.

So I’m a little disheartened by the touchy subjects results. I won “the biggest goat” and “who doesn’t deserve to be here” and it sucks because these people are my friends and I guess most of them think this. But water off a ducks back, I’m going to smile and keep moving forward. I wanna win.

Another day another update. So from were we left off Felix did end up going home good shit he didn't have an idol. He did play the vote reveal thing but I doubt that changed anything in the slightlest lel. That attempt from Scott to save face by also voting Felix is cute tho hehe.

Anyhow so after that we went to touchy subjects which tbh I was waiting because that would be an opening in my game. So Ryan and Rhys think I'm a goat which it's not suprising considering they're the ones I talk to the least. However most importantly Mo was picked as the goat by the most people.

Now this is a tough game and everyone is putting a lot of effort into it so imo it's not easy to point out a goat and Mo is understandably feeling down because he's as much into this game as everyone else. So I knew this was my opportunity to make a move because Mo will be wanting to prove himself to others so if I'm gonna try something this is my best oportunity to get his vote.

Now I grab Michael and David as well who are in a desperate spot and BAM we have the underground boys. So now the plan is simple. Tobi told me they want to split the votes between Mo and Michael in case Michael has an idol, so we get them to split then Mo and me flip and hopefully get someone.

That someone should be Ryan IMO because he's def a duo with rhys and even a stronger duo with Scott. So birds one stone. Plus he called me a goat so hey thre's that :)

lmfao i'm getting dead silence from half the tribe and totally awkward conversation from Jones... definitely getting the vibe that i'm the target. I know Scott got tea from Tobi that Jones has concocted some scheme to split the vote on me and/or rhys or something to that extent? idek i need the full picture tomorrow but lol. should be a fun show no matter what happens

Ok so Michael, David, Fabricio and I formed an alliance because were kind of on the outs. I know this is weird because I had rough pasts with all of them but I really like this alliance. Now, do I trust Michael? Absolutely fucking not, he already lowkey threw me under the bus after the alliance was made. By telling Jones I told him. So I want him gone soon.

bih.. i aint in the mood today at all..

first of all last night touchy subjects. david wins lol x. i get most trusted n least trusted bc thats a thing ig. werk mama.

then to make matters worse... miss jones wants to split on either me or ryan incase michael idols ...

n now ive told tobi abou  t my idol n idk why im just feelin quirky n cool lol

I have to laugh... this game gets wilder by the minute... my position right now is really fragile but its good if i play it right... right now i have a lot of influence over what happens hehe... like i swear to god i feel cocky but lets review some things. 1. Jones is wrapped around my finger... i've been playing this whole super supportive ally and she even gave us the name "kermit and miss piggy" for our duo (me being miss piggy obv) and i've been working hard on her.. i got her to realize michael was actually super manipulating and was using her for a lot of things.. which is funny because that's exactly what im doing to her... she even showed me some stuff he wrote to her and i was consistently telling her that im trying to protect her from being manipulated by him... i swear to god im evil HAHA and like i love her and all but she's a huge social threat and if i see a clear shot im gonna take her out 2. scott scott scott... we were sharing idol guesses a few days ago and he went ghost on me on the guesses... i had suspicions that he was close to getting/had the idol... AND HE LITERALLY TOLD ME HE HAD IT I WAS LIKE OMGGG like this made me SO relieved because that means that i don't have to worry about the merge idol popping up without me knowing, but after i leaked his idol in Saint Vincent i have NO idea why he told me again... like this obv makes me wanna take him out and do stuff but im not gonna leak it again... i think. But like im not here to play fiddle to him... im here to win and if i have to take him out later i will... but the thing is that i don't know when a good time to take him out is, if im in f6 with a bunch of goats, the target is gonna be on me... so i have to think more about what im gonna do about him 3. ryan... i haven't been working hard on him, but he did come up to me with a plan to get me, him, rhys, and scott to the f4 like omg thats pretty iconic but going to f4 with a challenge beast like ryan? i have to laugh... im not stupid... challenge beasts have been the bane of my org career and im not about to let it happen again here... i have a lot on my plate right now, and im playing hard, but what's lovely is that i dont think im a threat to anyone? at least in comparison to the scott/ryan/jones clusterfuck that im gonna try to orchestrate, im lowkey... i swear to god if i actually pull this shit off.... my mind... but then again i might just flop again like usual so who knows hehe

now that ik my name has been thrown out im so nerv ALMFNHFg like i dnt wanna be blindsided 5-4 o.o but uhm i hope for the best n hopefully im smart enuff to play idol ?

i just want jones gone is that so much to ask

idk How to make confessionals apparently Bc I KEEP FORGETTING AHHH Michael comes to me right after the Felix vote and says “hey David crossed the bridge the idol’s gone” and I’m like MOTHERFUCKER. I WAS THIS FUCKING CLOSE. And it obviously scared me because either of them could be lying and one of them could have the idol. And I OF COURSE PANICKED. The next day I went to try and cross the bridge (Bc I was on 90) and I ACTUALLY DID IT!!! but guess what,,,,, THERE WAS NOTHING!!!!! HORRAY!! Idk what I’d do with myself if I got an idol tbh,, that shits scary. But yeah knowing that the idol is gone AND THAT I heard it from Michael first is hella scary and that could mean 3 things - A) theyre felling the truth and it’s gone, B) Michael’s a liar and Has it, or C) David lied to Michael and David has the idol. So right now this information is fucking with my head. And it’s deeeefinitely going to in the next vote.

So David wins immunity and I’m not THAT bothered by it? Of course it just makes things harder for everyone else Bc the original plan was to split between Michael and David, BUT NOW WE CANT. Either way Michael has to go home. He has a really terrible way of getting into everyone’s head and it’s not good for anyone. Plus if he makes it to the end he has such a good chance at winning with an underdog story it’s not even funny ajddjkf. BUT Theres still the possibility that one of those two has an idol, and we really have to think wisely on who would go in case that happens. Tobi thinks Mo is the safer move, but I really don’t think there’s a point in getting rid of someone that everyone thinks of as a sheep. Plus I’d like to sit with him in the end soooooo yeah. My personal preference on who the “blindside target” would be is Ryan. I love him to DEATH and Sweyn to the end, but he’s a challenge threat, and we have to pick off Sweyn eventually if the Muppet alliance wants to be victorious. Michael and david are already on board with getting him out anyway Bc they think he and Rhys are “tight” lol. But right now the vote split should be 7-2 on Michael as far as I know, there’s a solid chance that Mo will get a vote and if he does I’ll actually DIE. Also /according to Michael/, he said that Mo came to him and told him was voting for Michael. AND LIKE THATS THE THING MICHAEL IS PLANTING SEEDS IN MY HEAD THAT MO ISnt some I can trust and that /scares me/ which is why he has to go. If the tribal goes right, Michael goes, if Michael plays an idol, Ryan goes. If it’s a tie between Ryan and Mo, Ryan goes.,,, hopefully.

So, Touchy Subjects, Im almost irrelevant, atleast im honest.

Anyway, The vote plan is Michael. However Jones is scared of an idol. I dont really want to split a vote but Jones is persistant on it. Ive been talking with people and apprently the split vote is on Mo.

However I talk to Ahrre and he knows this information too? Im on the bottom of whatever this is. Like I NEVER hear stuff first. I NEVER feel like I acctually know whats going on.

So to be honest. I dont feel like im going to win. Atleast not on this path. So I need to take a peck at the leader. Jones. Mo and Ahrre are said to be in her pocket. This is bad for 2 reasons. Jones has more power, and they arent doing much thus will be dragged to the end. So removing power, and increasing my odds of getting to the end will be great.

So the split vote is set to be 5-2-2. However, I can safely tell Michael that its 2 on Mo. So Michael & David both vote Mo. This is 5-4. We just need 1 flip to make this happen. So that could either be me, changing my vote to Mo. Perhaps someone else could flip beside me. Fingers crossed.

So it seems like once again I am getting voted and with the amount of idols and such out there it’s getting more and more scary being this bitch who’s constantly getting voted because at any point I’m either getting the majority or I’m getting idolled out. I’m just hoping and praying that everything goes well and I need to start winning immunity

i like don't know what's happening fahsdfhas. i kinda snapped and messaged michael for some reason, i think to see if he was gonna vote me.. and i kinda told him/he asked and i confirmed that there's a split plan in motion and he told me him/david are voting Mo and i was like well if you don't want me out i don't want you out... and Scott tells me he heard throuoght the grapevine (from tobi who heard from ahrre who was told by michael fjasld) that Michael said it was RHYS that let him know??? i'm. so idk faksdjf but i'm floundering a bit tbh. there's like less than 3 hrs until tribal so i hope i figure out concretely whats gonna happen

Alright so let's go through a couple of things.

I WON IMMUNITYYYY. Omg, it felt so good to get redemption after losing this same challenge in my first org. (I got the tiebreaker there too and was WAY off, LOL fuck me) And anyways, it feels good to not have to worry about it being me tonight and to have a spot in the final 8. Hopefully this shows people that I've BEEN here to friggin play.

So now as it stands for tribal tonight...myself, Michael, Mo and Ahrre are gonna vote Ryan out. The other side are planning to split their votes 3 for Michael and 2 for Mo cuz they think Ahrre and Mo are voting for Michael. If all goes well and no idols get played, then we're in for the biggest power shift this season has seen and I cannot wait to be a part of that shift, cuz it's FUCKING GO TIME BABY

ugh the idol paranoia i'm having rn........ i can't if i go home w the idol im gonna hate myself n if i misplay the idol im gonna hate myself jlskhfd like this vote is so uncertain to me.. i could be overthinking but i just dk... so like i almost want to just be messy and get the other 5's votes on me and idol myself…

ok so messy ryan jumped out and acted on his idolinpocket paranoia flaksdhf. i talked to both mo and michael and threw jones under the bus pretty bluntly.. mo seemed to already knoow that jones created the split plan w him as the vote, and is just acting like he thinks he's going home so idk if thats genuine or not. michael on the other hand, seems genuinely thinking it was between him or mo and now wants to get ahrre and me to vote mo with him and david and rhys who already voted mo. fladfjas so i've realized i was highkey overthinking but. this is interesting

Right so idek where I left off but I think it was right after the underground boys were formed. Anyhow so Jones was weary of ryan so she thought about voting him, thing is he only wanted him as a backup plan in case Michael played an idol because everyone and their mums want him dead at the end of the day I guess.

So I'm like ok let's get michael and david to vote ryan with us and then while one of us still votes michael to make it a 4-3-2, (without letting her know Mo was with us and that I would vote ryan anyways lel) but then she freaked out and so did everyone really and they suddenly didn't want to split anymore and everyone was voting Michael.

However I managed to convince Tobi (and by proxy the rest of sweyn cause let's face it tobi is on top of this game that's another guy I've got to get rid of) to split the vote anyways, so as it stands Tobi and Rhys are voting Mo and Ryan Scott and Jones are voting Michael. But the thing is that they think Mo and me are also voting Michael but in reality we're gonna vote Ryan so it SHOULD be 4 votes Ryan 3 Michael and 2 Mo.

Now my worry is that if Ryan plays an idol it all goes to shit but I'm trying my hardest to make sure he doesn't know. Anyhow let's see how this plays out.

It doesn’t feel good to be facing elimination especially now that jones is voting me. Any slight deviation from the plan for anyone could lead to my elimination but I hope that now ryan is voting mo that I might just scrape by once again and with jones’ Transparent game she shouldn’t be Long behind Ryan.

lmao so they (michael, david, ahrre, mo) tried to pull off a rly good move flipping their votes onto me. and if only rhys hadn't had to sleep early and didnt vote Mo, I'd be sitting pretty but they did that.... unfortunately for them, apparently Jones fucked up heavily and immediately voted Michael in the revote? did i hear that correctly? KLFSJLDFHS WIG. i kinda feel bad bc... i really should be leaving here but.... wig. I had done some campaigning to Mo before I found this out and think i was making some good groundwork to get him to keep me and he was at least oon the fence, so i might have had a shot even if jones were gonna vote me. but wig.. if she really did that, then that means me and scott have made the final 8 and we still have 2 idols in our pockets WHEW. big moves is coming ladies

This is why people hate the gays smh. Please be ryan please be ryan please be ryan go home Ry ry

ugh can't believe my best friend michael is leaving tonight ): LMSHNBG am i fuck..

legit im sooooo happy ryan is staying altho a little peeved as well tbh.. i coulda had 2 idols :flushed: but i wont complain.............

anyway. i still think jones is crazy n her idea of trying to get me to flip on ryan is absolutely absurd ALMJFNFG like bitch.. i know im on the bottom if i flip im not dumb why do u think i didnt vote mo like u told me to lAMNFHBFG IJS!!

i just gotta win immunity next week n im confirmed at least f5? hopefully? LAMNHFBFG like. i dont wanna. be tied on. and i wanna keep this idol for the l0ong haul. which is why i told ryan and tobi. oooop. LAMNJHBFG.

PROB NOT A GOOD IDEA TELLING TOBI but i rly do trust him this time around... he gives me legit all the tea n i do the same back :flushed:

lolll i lvoe having the worst jury management :))) love sticking to sides :)))) like i aint gunna clear that perception up by voting ryan suck my dick he trusts me and thats all i care about..

like. im gunna be hounded on for not flipping to a side who wants me out n thats so annoying!! i rly cant win aLMFHFG. these cunts can fuck off idc ill argue with every single one of them

michael... he's a cockroach... he wont just DIE like there have been so many times where there was something stopping him from leaving... last round jones wanted felix so we obliged and now its this stupid tie revote kjflkjdf like this is exactly why i wanted him out earlier... getting numbers against him is gonna be hard and i really hope his ass leaves in the revote... he should anyway hehe.. i have a few options going forward and i feel like i could possibly do a lot but the question is do i want to be doing a lot??? if people start thinking that im a threat then shit LMAO but the thing is there are so many goats and pawns (mo, ahrre, david) that if you do anything significant, your threat level is obvious and like i want to take out some of the threats but im worried if i take out too many,,, the goats will become sentient and take my ass out... i just need to take this one vote at a time while planning for the future its simple :^)

ITS BEEN A MESSY 24 HOURS AND HERES THE FUCKING TEA so the vote ended up being a tie. NOT THE ONE I PREDICTED. It ended up being a Michael/Ryan tie. AND IMMEDIATELY AFTER AJ EXPLAINS THE RULES MICHAEL BLOWS UP MY WHOLE FUCKING GAME (almost.) he says “Jones you orchestrated this vote follow through with it” AND IM???? LITERALLY??? Ryan was never a target of mine,,, never the main target I mean BUT NEVER A TARGET. David Mo and Michael all told me that Ryan was gunning for me though,, but that was AFTEr I revoted for Michael sooooooooo that’s the tea. But like,, Michael is,, kind of being an asshole. Very much so. I feel like he’s taking advantage of my emotions to try and manipulate me into Saving him, but I really wouldn’t mind if either him or Ryan went?? Preferably Michael obviously lol. He was never someone I wanted to take to the end anyway, so it’s better to get rid of him while we can lol. Also!!? That dumbass shit that Michael said on hangouts??? Rhys and Ryan made a whole ass 180 in our relationship Bc THEY THOUGHT I VOTED FOR RYAN BC OF WHAT MICHAEL SAID AKDJKDFNJF. Thank god I was actually able to work it out with them, but like,,, fuck that scared me. This is why Michael needs to go Bc he’s a loose cannon and will DESTROY MY GAME. OFF WITH HIS FUCKING HEAD

i finally understand why no one respects Mo as a player lol, he really has no back bone of his own at all..

The vote ties 4-4-1, and Michael is sent home 4-3 after a revote.

[briinleyisms]

LMAO HEY MTV IT’S MARCY WELCOME 2 MY CRIB

“LMAO” AKA “ ( x ) ( x ) ( x ) #squadgoals”

ok so lowkey have had this muse for like ten years (ive been rping since i was seven fucking beat me) but every rp i bring her 2??? drops after like??? five days likE LISTEN THAT IS NOT HOW U RUN A RP LISTEN!!! UP!!! PUT UR BACK INTO IT!!!

anyhoW ok unlike ivan since i was still figuring out his bg w rosie when i posted his ‘intro’ i actually got brinley figured out and there’s a long version and a short version. imma put the tl;dr up here ok bc the non-tl;dr is overwhelming. personality is like.... toTALLY POINTLESS WHO CARES ABT PERSONALITY but it’s at the bottom i guess :\

TL;DR:

ok basically she was born into a death cult in aliso viejo, california (tbh i just looked up rural places in ca and chose the most recently established one i could find lmao) called ‘the children of the revelation’ bc im extra. lots of fear-mongering revolving around the idea of The End of Days™. leader was a total prophet and totally abused his prophet power. planned out ritual for end of days was lowkey highkey terrifying (‘let’s go die in the river of miracles’!!!!!! [too extra help me]) and one of the ‘apostles’ was like ‘i quit’ and left iN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!!! and lowkey basically kidnapped a few ppl including BUT NOT LIMITED TO brinley and they wound up in hillsboro and ‘apostle luke’ eventually left and now she’s in the oikos house. fin.

also sik tattooz bro.

ACTUAL VERSION THAT IS LONG(ER):

TW: cult (ofc), death, violence

firST it’s of note that i considered being rly fucking extra by putting quotations around her name bc her birth name is genesis like the book of revelations which brings me 2

my Extra™ title for this cult: “The Children of the Revelation”

so it was like a commune located in some place in CA that’s apparently rural and has only recently been established called ‘aliso viejo’ and lmao watch one of yall live there

but yeAH OK commune not just a church like the church of scientology like full on “u chose this life time 2 prove ur dedication”

alright so just full disclosure that i really really want to get this right and i know no one who has ever been in a cult (let alone a death cult) and i myself have not (as is likely expected) so i have already done research but i plan on doing like 100x more since this is a really serious subject. serious to the point that i’m not even using text slang (although i will when i get on with the intro post i just gotta).

anyhoW w that info out of the way time 2 get 2 the actual like point of the cult

first of all her mom joined the cult before she was born (ofc) and she was the gift!!! between her mom and one of the leader’s ‘apostles’!!!

so!!! 

basically: “lmao ur not leviticus enough 4 us.” (probs their slogan)

ok but obviously that’s scratching the surface like the real fuckery lied w/in two thing:

literal death cult (will get to that)

also doomsday cult

which sometimes go hand-in-hand anyhow

ok so the doomsday thing is what was more prominent in her life since she was 16 when she #escaped and never rly disobeyed (so many things 2 get 2!!!)

the leader’s name was ezekiel (cheever this is actually salem circa 1690) and he perceived himself as a prophet and naturally.... had prophecies. one of the most prominent ones was that the rapture would occur at 11:59PM on December 24th, 2011 (take away four days and add a year and u got the end of the world according 2 misconceptions abt the mayan calendar!)

the idea was that if u obeyed what ezekiel told u 2 do (he believed he was the fourth reincarnation of christ) u would end up going 2 heaven on judgment day but if u disobeyed...... yikes.

it depended on the magnitude of the ‘crime’ but for the most part if u disobeyed more than two times u were killed. u were hung or drowned and u were made an example of.

if u disobeyed less than two times and ur ‘offense’ wasnt worthy of immediate death dw!!! u can scrape by w torture!!! and also be made an example of!!!

so basically u were at ezekiel’s beck and call. every little bit of labor he asked u 2 do was like.......... if u didnt do it yiKES!!! ofc children werent expected 2 perform any laborious tasks rather just 2 listen and take in everything ezekiel and his apostles told them.

his ‘apostles’ who (as u can infer) served as his right-hand men were the fathers 2 all the children who would be born inside the cult. they kept ppl in line. they taught the kids when ezekiel was busy. those sorta things u kno???

ok so imma skip over some of the details that are like.... worse??? like theyre all bad but like these are the things i j feel like shouldnt be brought up in an intro post but theyre in the hella long rough-draft bio here that i went ahead and put up for this purpose rly

SO THAT BEING SAID THIS WAS SORTA A WAY 2 SHOW THE SORTA ENVIRONMENT SHE WAS RAISED IN AND IT SOUNDS FUN AND I WOULD LOVE 2 BE A PART OF IT.

so ok imma try 2 make this next part go quicker

basically the ‘judgment day’ was closing in and ezekiel’s plans were rly like no thank u ( (TW: SUICIDE) ’hey guys! 2 make sure we get into heaven not only do u have 2 follow all of my commands since im jesus’s fourth reincarnation but we all also have 2 walk into a river with rocks in our pockets at the time the world is supposed 2 scorch with hell’s fire!’ (END TW) fun christmas activities for u and ur bae.

as it started closing in it was basically all ezekiel talked abt during his ‘sermons’ like wtf??? what a church service.

‘apostle luke’ (i hate myself) was like “ok..... ok the more u talk abt this the less believable it sounds..... like wtf jesus’s fourth reincarnation??? pics or it didnt happen.” and after some months he wound up concocting this plan 2 #escape bc honestly??? 

so he eventually eSCAPED in the deAD OF NIGHT and basically kidnapped ppl like ok sure luke

one of said ppl was brinley which i kno is unexpected. (honestly i think this is like??? maybe the third time i brought her up in all of these bullets??? honestly @me

“wAS NOT WILLING 2 GO!!! WAS NOT HAPPY 2 GO!!! WAS NOT READY 2 GO!!! NEEDS SOMEONE 2 FOLLOW!!! DOES NOT KNO WHAT 2 DO!!! DOES NOT APPRECIATE THIS!!! IS SHOOK!!!” - everyone luke fucking kidnapped then basically had 2 serve as a stand-in ezekiel for

they ended up in hillsboro after like 84 years and he was like “OK EVERYONE GETS NEW NAMES!!! :D” and tbh he probs just pulled out one of those baby books pointed 2 a random name and bam!!! that was their name

so even tho i’ve been calling her brinley this whole time just 2 make it??? not confusing??? genesis became brinley and she was no longer a book of revelations she is apparently a name that’s most prominent in utah

over time ppl pce’d out (not rly bc they wanted 2 but bc they needed 2 like u get what i mean.)

it ended up j being three ppl in their shitty apt!!! one luke one brinley and one kid who has a name but 1) i havent mentioned it yet and 2) i dont want 2 go look for it in the bio tbh

doomsday came and brinley was shook!!! rly rly shook!!! trying 2 find out what 2 do that would be similar enough 2 what thE CHILDREN of the corn would do!!! and luke was like ( x )

a lot more climatic than im acting like it was but this is so long i dont want 2 spend too much time on anything anymore but ok minor point is homemade inkin’ machine (legit mainly bc ryan ashley -dave navarro voice- [has/had] what it takes... to be ink master. -end voice-)

ok luke left eventually and idk so did the kid idk that’s in there and at first she was like “lmao idk what 2 do ig imma squat [man ivan and brinley #parallels] and keep doin what im doin” and she did and ok

aFTER ALL OF THIS OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WRITE she wound up w the oikos (bc honestly u can only squat for so long and who the fuck would be like “yes! i would like 2 be inked by a kid on the street who doesnt rly have anywhere 2 put anything! yes!” [i would be like that #exposed]) and is now somewhere where ppl dont think the world will end soon wtf

personality but who cares abt that:

WOW THAT WAS LONG

ok!!! so i never rly had a clear definition of her personality i just like... waited 2 see (BEFORE THE RP CLOSED FUCK THAT) but then i watched a long-ass chipotle commercial (theres this one part where a cow is basically abt 2 be slaughtered and idk it’s so sad it was rly playin up that pathos i wanted 2 cry) and i was suddenly like!!! a lightbulb!!! “aha!!! basically fiona apple’s cover of ‘pure imagination’”

SO 2 GET ON W THAT

it’s been five years since she escaped and started desocializing from that lyf she knew but like............ five years compared 2 sixteen i mean which one’s gonna weigh the other out tbh (i just typed ‘way’ i cannot believe myself pls send me back 2 first grade)

so ok literally LITERALLY it is this song like im tryna think of how 2 explain it???

like the lyrics of it are (u kno willy wonka) v bright (albeit a bit ??? during that spin part) but the bg in fiona apple’s cover is so??? dark??? and honestly fiona apple’s voice just makes everything seem darker (i love fiona apple shes such a queen)

so it’s a v contradicting song

and she has a v contradicting personality

like ok one big thing that fits this contradiction is she feels like she needs someone 2 follow??? since that’s how it’s been almost all of her life??? (come 2 think of it i wouldnt be surprised w my subconscious if that’s the reason she’s still in the oikos house [asides from jobless but]) but at the same time like??? she WANTS 2 be independent??? she WANTS 2 be able 2 build a life for herself and around herself and not someone else but??? it just doesnt work that way???

MORE CONTRADICTION!!! bc of that whole ‘death/doomsday cult’ thing she is a p paranoid person??? but??? at the same time??? c h i l l ??? i mean in any case shes always gonna be lowkey paranoid but she doesnt??? rly act that way most of the time??? this could also be filed under “very curious about the norms of this brand new society but also very wary and prefers 2 Not™”

MORE!!! lmao ok religion idek what 2 do here honestly it’s so fucked. she knoWS IT’S SO FUCKED IT’S SO FUCKKING FUCKED but 16/21 years like??? v hard 2 get over that??? buT IT’S SO FUCKED. like no hate no discriminate (speaking of no discriminate highkey bi i love wlw) but also “everyone is a sinner and so am i we are living in sin we are going 2 burn it is only a matter of time satan where u @???” so like??? scared and wary??? but also??? fucked.

A LOT OF FUCKING FUCKERY. 

A FIONA APPLE SONG.

THANK U AND GOODNIGHT

if u would like 2 plot pls do feel free 2 like this or hmu

and if u actually READ that all then holy shit ur a saint u would make it 2 heaven on rapture day

[strawberryspeachy]

Also theres this girl. Call her girl B

K well lets go with i met girl A and boy A at a club. I hung out with girl A again and at a later time i hung out with boyA

When i hung out with boy A i met girl B in his friend group. We were all shoping and there were two more girls. The other two girls looked at me like ‘why is she here’ and a couple times when turning to adress me just full on looked displeased that i was with their group. But girl B talked with me alot and we fell behind the group cause were the same height and the rest of them were tall. And a couple times we drifted off apart of them to shop alone. I mentioned that i hadnt dont kareoke in japan yet but really wanted to and she said we should go to one where you can put on oufits too.

I said that i was supposed to go too tokyo disneyland with people that weekend but they cancelled. This group was like oh were going tomorrow actually if you wanna join us! I declined saying it was too short notice for me but thanks for inviting me

Became friends on line and instagram with girl B

A coiple weeks passes and i asked her when shed wanna do karoke and she told me not that week because she had exams and at a later time. And a couple weeks after that i told her i was gonna go shopping in tokyo if she wanted to join me , she said she wouldnt be in the area.

All fine and good. We had a coiple interactions about food inbetween

So when i got fired i messaged boy A asking if he happenes to know if.

K important. This group lives together in a sharehouse.

I asked him paniced and told him a bit of what happened. If his job was hiring or if he knew of anything hiring and if his sharehouse had open rooms

He said no to both and i was like ah ok thanks anyhow - do you know any that are or how to find sharehouses?

He (normal talking inbetween btw. Not short remarks or anything just getting to the point here) he said no again

I did start that off saying in sorry you dont know me that well and this is alot. But im panicing and dont have any idea what to do so im trying to find information for anywhere

So anyhow. I go on instagram. I dont have many friends at all so its easy for me to see the numbers. Noticed that my following went down but i had the same amount of followers.

Yea yea. Ive been blocked alot. Thats how every guy ever has stopped talking to me. By blocking me. So in aware of what the subtle sign looks like

A couple days pass and my followers go down by one. Im curious. Idk who blocked me. It wasnt anyone i had messaged about my job stuff.

So i go to my messages to see of it was anyone i actually cared to talk to.

Yep.

It was girl B

I can only assume boy A talked about what I said and theyve both just fucking took that as im a creepy stalker

Which means those two times in the past month and a half that ive asked her to hang out. She wasnt busy. She was like ew no not with the stalker girl. And then when he told her she went eeeeekk no shes probably gonna message me too!

And ill just restate here that the report of me being fired said that my behavior aligns with stalking

So.

In japan. Apparently.

Messageing someone who gives detailed responces back - but doesnt want to and never says that or makes it apparent. = you a stalker.

Asking someone to hang out and do the thing your previously discussed but trusting that they’re actually busy if they say theyre busy and not that they just dont want to so asking again at a later time = you a stalker

Talking to someone your around and building off of the conversation they give back and the conversation getting more and more personal because they dont cut it at some point even though they want to but dont say it = you a stalker

Talking to someone when theyre in the area around you instead of ignoring their existance when they want you to but dont make it clear that they dont want to talk = you a stalker

Asking someone information on how to do personal things you dont know because youre new to the country = you a stalker

So basically in Japan pretend no one around you exists. If you do talk make sure your conversation is as hollow as foam and if they get personal with you RUN AWAY or else theyll call you a stalker for SHARING PERSONAL INFORMATION. Oh yeah. That was also writen in there. Don’t fucking ask don’t tell. Japan is the homophobic us army but with being a breathing human.

God damn. I literally met a girl in japan who i thought - woah lady. You just shared way too many personal details with me about your life in the first five minutes of knowing you. This is too much for me. Dont really wanna get close and see how much farther that could go.

Just the amount of times ive met people who share WAY too personal of stuff with me and my other coworkers. And no ones response has ever been BE GONE!! NO MORE INCOME FOR YOU!!

Its always just “dude. Tmi” and after months of nice “you shouldnt tell people this.” “Im trying to eat” “why are you telling me this” “i dont want to know the rest of this story” AT. MOST. someone might embarrass them and yell “youre always sharing way too much information about yourseld. Its gross and no one wants to hear it. Just stop!”

But even at thag point no one goes to the fucking boss and like FIRE THIS OVERSHARING POS

And ive never heard someone call someone a fucking stalker for the intial attempts of trying to make friends even if that person overshares personal information

Damn. Japans dumb. Im sorry im not sorry. If my situation at home wasnt so shit id just fucking leave.

No wonder everyone in the country is so stressed out. Youre still living in the middle ages where youre best friend could suddenly decide youre a witch the town will burn you at the fucking steak.