#or didn't actually enjoy hanging out with me

[torahoes]

(IDOLiSH7) Touma Inumaru - 16PRODUCERS Rabbit Chat

Please note that I am not a professional translator. If you come across any mistakes, feel free to let me know and I will make the necessary corrections.

Shiro Utsugi: Good work today! It’s almost time!

Shiro Utsugi: No one’s here yet...?

Shiro Utsugi: Maybe if I send a bunch of messages, the notifications will catch someone’s attention

Shiro Utsugi: Alright then, I’ll try talking about my breakfast or something

Shiro Utsugi: This morning, I had rice balls, rolled omelet, sausages, and miso soup with nameko mushrooms. It’s been a while since I cooked in the morning, so I went all out a bit

Touma Inumaru: Ahhhhhh Utsugi-san!!!! I had yakisoba bread for breakfast! Cooking so early in the morning is impressive!!

Touma Inumaru: No, wait — sorry, could you hang on a second…? I accidentally spilled a bag of chips all over my room and I’m cleaning it up now

Shiro Utsugi: That’s a major crisis!! I’ll wait for you…! Isumi-san is over at your place today too, right?

Haruka Isumi: Good work today

Haruka Isumi: Yup, I’m hanging out at Touma’s place right now! My breakfast was natto rice, grilled salmon, spinach ohitashi, and tofu miso soup!

Haruka Isumi: Oh, and sorry for responding late! Touma tried to open a bag of chips just now and it went boom! and scattered everywhere lmaoo

Touma Inumaru: The bag just wouldn't open so I ended up using way too much force 😂

Shiro Utsugi: Ah… I get it, there are times when they’re strangely hard to open…! And thank you both for sharing what you had for breakfast as well!

Haruka Isumi: Picking a topic like this is so you, Utsugi-san. So you eat stuff like potato chips too, huh 🤔

Shiro Utsugi: I like them quite a bit. The seaweed and salt flavored chips make for a great snack to enjoy with drinks, too.

Haruka Isumi: By the way, Touma doesn’t have a vacuum cleaner at his place. Isn’t that crazy? The tiny crumbs on the carpet won’t come out

Haruka Isumi: Hold on, he just came back holding a lint roller like he's some kind of hero brandishing a sword lmao

Touma Inumaru: I'm telling you, this thing can handle most cleaning jobs!

Haruka Isumi: It can't!

Shiro Utsugi: I get it. Lint rollers are really convenient! I used one for most of my cleaning back when I was a student as well.

Touma Inumaru: You too, Utsugi-san!? That makes us comrades! ✨

Haruka Isumi: I didn't know Utsugi-san was like that too

Shiro Utsugi: Indeed, I am.

Touma Inumaru: Oh, then, Utsugi-san, did you play games when you were a student? 😳 Haru brought one over, and we were playing it earlier!

Shiro Utsugi: Ryo-kun made me play with him a bunch of times. What kind of game were you two playing?

Touma Inumaru: It’s a game where you’re a rabbit working part-time at a restaurant! 🍴

Haruka Isumi: You have to prepare the ordered dishes within the time limit, but there’s a lot to do like chopping ingredients and washing dishes, so it’s pretty fun! My fingers got tired from spamming the buttons too quick while slicing cabbages 😂

Touma Inumaru: Actually, doesn’t this sound like the kind of game Ryo-san would love!?

Haruka Isumi: I wonder.... I think he would....?

Touma Inumaru: Utsugi-san, if you play it with Ryo-san, please let me know how it goes! 🤩

Shiro Utsugi: Ah, so it’s already decided I’ll play it with him. I’ll recommend it to him when I get the chance!

Touma Inumaru: Oh, I forgot to mention that the cleaning’s all done! Sorry for the wait!!

Shiro Utsugi: Alright! Let’s begin, then! We've been asked to capture your usual interactions in a cozy setting, as if you were sitting at a dinner table, so we’ll be conducting this discussion on Rabbit Chat!

Shiro Utsugi: How did you feel when you heard Isumi-san would be producing you, Inumaru-san?

Touma Inumaru: I was super happy ‼️ Of course, I would've been thrilled if it were Mina or Tora instead too, but Haru is, how do I put it… special

Touma Inumaru: I really respect Haru as an artist. He never skips vocal training, always works on his basics, and studies all kinds of music genres

Touma Inumaru: Seeing how disciplined and dedicated he is always motivates me.

Touma Inumaru: So, you know, just thinking about how someone like Haru would go about producing me — it made me so happy; my heart was racing with excitement ‼️😆

Haruka Isumi: Hm....

Haruka Isumi: So you respect me

Touma Inumaru: Isn't that obvious!? You’ve been singing, dancing and practicing hard all on your own since you were little

Touma Inumaru: Back when I was that age, I was just running around playing all the time

Touma Inumaru: But Haru... you were doing it for your grandma…...

Haruka Isumi: Why are you the one crying lmaooo

Touma Inumaru: HARU~~~ WE'LL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER, OKAY???

Haruka Isumi: Huh? Now isn't THAT obvious?

Shiro Utsugi: I feel like crying as well..…

Haruka Isumi: Geez! You're both grown-ups, cut it out already!! I haven’t even had a chance to talk about my production yet 😤

Touma Inumaru: Sorry 😭

Shiro Utsugi: Isumi-san, you expressed Inumaru-san through a ballad. I figured you would go with a rap-heavy track, so it was surprising!

Touma Inumaru: Right! I got chills as soon as I heard the intro

Touma Inumaru: I could feel that Haru really considers me — all three of us — special. Even without him saying a word, I felt like his feelings came through

Haruka Isumi: Touma, you always say embarrassing stuff like it’s nothing. Well, you’re not wrong....

Haruka Isumi: Like Utsugi-san said, I thought about going for something more intense, but the way we, his teammates, see him — there's more to him than just that

Haruka Isumi: So, um

Touma Inumaru: What's wrong?

Haruka Isumi: I'm about to give it my allllll and say something suuupeeeeer embarrassing right now too, so

Touma Inumaru: O-Okay, I get it, so stop hitting my back!! Do you want some orange juice?

Haruka Isumi: Not right now!

Haruka Isumi: Touma, you’re... how should I put it... you're warm. Even when I used to be cold towards you or tried to keep my distance, you always had your arms open, waiting for me, and you welcomed me warmly every time. You made me feel like I wasn’t alone

Haruka Isumi: So, I wanted to create a song that would make the people listening to it feel the same way — like they're not alone, like they can take a step forward and face what's ahead — a song that's like a good-luck charm

Haruka Isumi: Just like how being with you helped the three of us do the same

Touma Inumaru: Haru

Haruka Isumi: What

Touma Inumaru: I !!!!! LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU THREE, SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

Haruka Isumi: Don’t shout about stuff like that so loudly!! It’s super embarrassing, you’re gonna bother the neighbors!!!!

Shiro Utsugi: I love the four of you as well....!

Touma Inumaru: Utsugi-san...!!! 😭😭😭

Haruka Isumi: Seriously, what's wrong with these grown-ups!? You guys haven't been drinking, have you!?

Touma Inumaru: I'm completely sober ‼️ I’m drinking melon soda ‼️

Touma Inumaru: But, I see… so that’s why the lyrics were "Look beside you.”

Haruka Isumi: Well, yeah. You've always been the one leading us forward, so

Haruka Isumi: If you ever feel anxious, I’m there right next to you

Haruka Isumi: I’ll support you as your fellow center

Touma Inumaru: I’m seriously so lucky to have met you guys!

Touma Inumaru: Thank you for teaching me what it's like to have teammates like you

Haruka Isumi: Well, of course! We’re your REAL teammates, after all

Haruka Isumi: Hey--!! Touma won't stop ruffling my hair!!!

Haruka Isumi: My hair’s all messed up now!!

Touma Inumaru: Haru’s hair is silky smooth!

Shiro Utsugi: I’m jealous. Can I also try petting you next time?

Haruka Isumi: Don’t say it like you’re talking about petting a cat!

Shiro Utsugi: My apologies! 🐾 Now then, I’d like to ask about the artist photoshoot next. The location you chose was beautiful!

Touma Inumaru: It was such a great place! The ginkgo-lined path was stunning 🍂

Haruka Isumi: Wasn't it? I thought it really suited Touma 🍂

Touma Inumaru: Seriously? What part of it!?

Haruka Isumi: Promise you won’t laugh?

Touma Inumaru: Huh!? Of course I won't! It's something you put a lot of thought into choosing, with me in mind

Haruka Isumi: Then I’ll tell you...

Haruka Isumi: I walked through there alone not long ago, and the soft, warm colors of the ginkgo trees felt like they were enveloping me. I thought it would be amazing if we could walk here together and take your artist photos

Haruka Isumi: The season you were born in is a cold one with chilly, biting winds, but being with you makes me feel so warm and comforted that I forget all about it

Haruka Isumi: That's why the scenery kinda reminded me of you...

Touma Inumaru: Haru....

Touma Inumaru: Honestly.... I don’t even know what to say right now, but I’m so incredibly happy. I’m not the kind of person who deserves such praise from you

Touma Inumaru: But I was really touched that the lyrics kept reminding me, again and again, that I have my friends by my side. It made me realize all over again that my purpose in life is to keep singing as part of ŹOOĻ.

Touma Inumaru: Keep singing next to me forever, Haru

Haruka Isumi: Woah, that was a killer line. Right back at you!

Touma Inumaru: Utsugi-san! Haru and I just did a fist bump! 👊👊

Shiro Utsugi: Oh, thank you for sharing that with me! Lovely ŹOOĻ as always! 👊👊 Did the decision to have Inumaru-san's costume stray from his usual hard-edged style come from wanting to express his warmth?

Haruka Isumi: Yup, I paired a white knit sweater with a scarf to create a softer impression 👌

Touma Inumaru: I don’t usually wear knitwear, so it felt fresh! I was worried if it would suit me, but the shoot turned out great thanks to Haru 😳✨

Haruka Isumi: Touma, I'm pretty sure you can pull off anything

Touma Inumaru: For real? Even bold clothes like Tora’s, with my chest fully exposed?

Touma Inumaru: Hey, don’t laugh Haru lololol

Haruka Isumi: Sorry lol, I couldn’t help it once I pictured it LMAO

Touma Inumaru: That's kinda annoying 😂 Maybe I should borrow Tora’s clothes and try it soon!?

Haruka Isumi: Oh man, I’m so looking forward to this LOL. Let’s rate his look together, Utsugi-san!

Shiro Utsugi: Me too!? Actually, that might not be a bad idea. We could uncover some new possibilities for ŹOOĻ…!

Haruka Isumi: What kind of "new possibilities" are we uncovering by having Touma show off his bare chest? LMAOO

Touma Inumaru: LOL

Shiro Utsugi: My apologies; that took an amusing turn, didn't it? 🐾 Now, to wrap things up, could you share a final message for your fans?

Haruka Isumi: Everyone! What did you think of the Touma I produced? Maybe some of you were surprised, maybe the others saw it coming. You see, to us, ŹOOĻ is this precious place we finally found — the place where we truly belong, and the one who's been standing at the forefront, protecting it all this time, is Touma

Haruka Isumi: That’s why I wanted to tell Touma, who’s been protecting ŹOOĻ, that we’re here for him too, and that his place is right here with us. And I could do that all thanks to the fans’ support! Thank you so much! Keep watching over us forever, okay?

Touma Inumaru: Being able to sing a song that promises a future with my members is something so special it turns my world upside down, and the fact that Haru made that happen means so much to me

Touma Inumaru: Haru made it sound like I'm amazing, but I’m really not. I used to turn a blind eye to things I didn’t like. I used to treat everyone but me as my enemy. I was childish.

Touma Inumaru: But the reason I was able to change was because I found a place I truly want to protect from the bottom of my heart. It's thanks to the fans, who directed their warm, sincere feelings at us head-on

Touma Inumaru: Listening to "Heart to Heart," I was reminded of that once again. This song is like a good-luck charm to me, and it’d be awesome if it became one for all of you too! Let’s dream about ŹOOĻ’s future together!

Shiro Utsugi: Thank you! I feel like this conversation between you two turned out to be something truly special!

Touma Inumaru: Yeah, I think so too! The fact that Haru said so much today... 😭

Haruka Isumi: It's nothing. I can praise you more anytime you want if that's what you'd like.

Touma Inumaru: For real!? Haru, you’re kinda cool today

Haruka Isumi:

Touma Inumaru: Wanna play that restaurant game again?

Haruka Isumi: Yeah!! Let’s make the best restaurant ever! Let’s invite Torao and Minami and play multiplayer with all four of us!!! 🎮

Touma Inumaru: This cute side of Haru really puts me at ease 😆 Let’s keep going forever — the four of us, together!

The End.

[love1mang0]

Promise (OP81)

inspired by Promise by Laufey

Listen!!!

warnings: angst (unrequited love) but a bit of fluff at the end

You were hanging out with your friend as usual, and you were talking about how you missed Oscar, both you and Oscar hang out whenever you can and his schedule is free, which isn't often as he travels a lot due to his racing career,

You had a thing for Oscar, well more than a thing; it was more like a crush. You knew he would not like you. I mean, why would he? He only sees you as a friend, so your friend told you to put distance. She said it would help you figure out your emotions. He never texted you first, so you decided to do it until he texted you, and you vowed to yourself to put distance until you figured out what you felt.

Two months had passed without any contact whatsoever. He didn't text or call you, and you didn't either. You were so close to texting him, but you wanted him to text first. It was too much, and you missed him, so you caved and texted him.

“Hi, how are you?”

After that, you continued with your day, you figured out he wouldn't text you back quickly, you were right, maybe it was the time zones but his only reply was a 

“hi” 

hi? You don't text him for two months out of the blue and his only reply is hi? Not a how are you? Or where did you go? So now you´re just sitting there, and you want to cry because you know he doesn't like you like you like him but you already knew that you two would never even last together if you were a couple so why can't you just enjoy his friendship? 

You broke the vow you made to yourself and called him. You knew you shouldn't have and you wouldn't have if it weren't for how much you liked him, it broke you to be his friend but you know it would break you more if you were nothing with him. He answered the call.

“Y/N? Are you ok?” he asked a bit worried

“Hey Osc, yeah I'm fine,” you said in a neutral tone

“What happened to you? Why haven't you texted? Did I do something wrong?” he sounded more worried

Why did he sound so worried? If he was why hasn't he texted you?

“I was scared to text you in case I did something to bother you, you mean a lot to me” he started rambling.

“Really?” you asked genuinely curious.

“Yes, you´re sweet, you´re kind, you´re incredibly smart, and you´re so beautiful I mean your eyes are just so…”

“You think I'm beautiful?” your words and tone sounding confused

“... I wanted to tell you this in person, I like you Y/N… a lot actually, and I miss you, I miss you so much, you mean the world to me, you bewitched me,” he confessed.

Maybe you did the math wrong, maybe you would last together…

Fast forward a month and you get a knock on your door and when you open it, it was Oscar.

“Hey,” he said with a smile on his face.

“Hi,” you smiled.

next, I will write the Franco x Reader one

also, I know it's not Monday but it's Thanksgiving so I wanted to write something for you guys!

this has 528 words, if you have any suggestions PLEASE tell me and I will write them!

[kiragecko]

So, it's the early 2000s. I'm hanging out with the first friend I've managed to make in half a decade, my now-husband. We're both trying to make good impressions, because friendship is hard! Now-Husband does this through the evergreen autistic method of 'let's share my special interest'.

(I would later do the exact same thing, slightly more successfully, with the Discworld books. This can be a good method!)

He does have enough social awareness to realize that sticking me in front of the Final Fantasy VII video game will not work. But, Advent Children is a MOVIE! He can share THAT with me!

-

Now, a more social aware person might ask themselves (and maybe even me) some questions first. Questions like:

Has Gecko ever played a video game?

(Answer: Yes, I have played parts of Super Mario World and two Donkey Kong Countries! Also, a snakey Tetris clone?)

Has Gecko ever watched an anime?

(Answer: No.)

Has Gecko ever had ANY interaction with Japanese bullshit, and it's differences from English bullshit?

(Answer: I have read one manga at this point, W Juliet.)

Does Gecko even know what an RPG IS?

(Answer: No. If the acronym was expanded I would think you were talking about D&D.)

Can Gecko watch things with subtitles?

(Answer: Unknown, but I'm about to find out!)

Does Gecko actually enjoy movies?

(Answer: At the time, I would have said yes. I had been taught to ignore a lot of pain back then, and didn't realize they were sensory nightmares.)

Is this movie a good fic for newcomers to the franchise?

(Answer: Unhinged laughter.)

-

We watched Advent Children.

-

The saving grace of this experience was that Now-Husband LIKES explaining stuff! He got to explain a LOT of stuff. And it was VERY interesting to watch someone try to figure out how to explain,

"Your guess might technically be correct for this movie, but it wasn't that way in the game! ... I don't think. And it's not what I think they're trying to imply! ... It might actually be a plot hole. Or maybe we just missed something with the bad lighting? But also, I'm realizing, in real time, how many of my interpretations are actually fanon and I'm questioning everything!"

And there was a pseudo-vampire. I will never get over Vincent. Every moment of Vincent was overdramatic, trying-to-hard-to-be-cool BULLSHIT. I loved it! Vincent was very easy to understand!

-

The plot of Advent Children, according to Gecko:

The main(?) characters are in a flower church and Aerith glows and rises into the air in a clear death metaphor. Or maybe actually dies? (I was mostly scared all the stained glass would break.)

Cloud and his Large Sword fights the One Winged Angel Music Guy multiple times. Reasons unclear.

FAKE VAMPIRE SHOWS UP AND THINKS HE'S SO COOL! HA HA! I LOVE THE DUMB FAKE VAMPIRE. LOOK AT HIM POSE!

I definitely saw Tifa and Barrett at some point, but I don't even have memories of thinking, "Oh, he is a DADDY! THERE IS A CUTE KID!" So they failed big time, there.

The End.

[awigglycultist]

HATCHETFIELD SWAP AU!

If it's hard to read what all the role swap are then go here to read them instead

Please feel free to ask questions about this!

Reblogs very much appreciated this took me stupidly long, there's so many characters

Some notes below the cut:

The color change in the lords mean nothing, they do not swap roles with each other in this au, the colors are just inverted to show a difference between canon and this au.

Instead of a relationship, River and Sophia are secretly siblings and don't know about it, also siblings with Steph. They have Solomon as their dad. Sophia got to stay with him and now has the burden of "mayors daughter", since River got to stay with his mom Linda who's been lying to all her kids that River is Gerald's son, although Gerald actually died right after she got pregnant, and Steph stayed with her mom whos poor and of course then discovered she has the gift. I still need figure out how to make the end of abstinence camp happen without the shower scene but for npmd they discover they're siblings and have each other as their biggest want because they want to make up for lost time

Emma was forced by her family to get a normal job before she got the chance to go to Guatemala. Now she works at CCRP with her sister's ex husband and with Linda Monroe, and she hates life, she'd much rather be in Guatemala or making a pot farm. Paul was forced by his family to "go live life" because he was so boring. So somehow he ended up going to Guatemala. Paul, although he would much rather just be living a simple life as an office worker or as a corn farmer, he didn't understand how long would be enough before he has "lived life" and can return to Hatchetfield, so he just doesn't return. Well that is until he finds out his best friend's wife died and realizes he should return to try and help him through this.

Bill was a science teacher at Hatchetfield middle school and had Pete as a student. He was the only teacher that really understood Pete and his "quirks" but then his wife died and he decided to quit. Ted is pissed at him for this, Bill was the only good role model in Pete's life. For Yellow Jacket Bill would decide to go back to teaching and just decide to go to the high school instead.

Age changes: For tgwdlm/black friday/2018- Tim is aged up to 16, Trevor, Stacy, Brenda, would all be the same age, Ziggs would be a little older, 18. Alice is 17 (making her 19 in 2020). For npmd/nmts2/2020- River would be a freshman/15, Jordan a sophomore/16, Seaton a junior/17 and Trent a senior/18. Reese and PJ are also freshman, Sophia is a sophomore, Daniel is a junior. Danny and Sof are seniors. Pete, Steph and Grace are all of course 15. Deb is 20. Richie and Ruth are 21.

Max is injected with the yellow goop (yes yellow not blue since inverted colors) they found on the moon and that causes him to turn into Otho.

River and Trevor aren't dating, just besties. Alice and Deb are still dating.

Charlotte is Hidgens' niece

For tgwdlm Linda is the one to suggest they go to Roman's house since that's her father (rather than Paul having him as a professor)

Rather than his marriage falling a part, Bob Metzger is struggling to still have a good relationship with his kids. Him and Linda are together though they're just hiding it from their kids

Lex would never out someone, so Hannah is just chilling and hanging around in support of her sister during honey queen. Pamela still gets fucking killed though for the same reasons as Mimaw Chambers in canon.

Sof and Danny tried out for the cheerleading team on a dare but actually did really well and ended up enjoying it

[knot-ee]

No one would call Olrox kind, or empathetic, or straight forward with his desires; no one except his lover, the one love of his life, who was dead. People would be more inclined to call him a cruel monster but that wasn't entirely accurate. One thing was for certain, he was neither cruel nor kind, but he enjoyed treading the line between the two. Nothing in life was white-and-black otherwise both life and being a vampire would be dreadfully boring. Treading that greyscale line he enjoyed the begging dhampir.

Oh, how it brought joy to his deceased heart. It could have been pure desperation for any contact what with the poor blond being so heart broken and jaded, but Olrox chose to view it as him and him alone being able to bring a man to pleading and begging. In all fairness Olrox had promised nothing. He was no fool to do such. He offered food, refreshment, and more. A kiss and a caress were different than sex. And had Alucard, the poor dhampir, actual experienced healthy sex? The boy's desperation turned slightly sour at the end but the Aztec vampire did not recoil from his touch.

“ ---Do you want me or do you want someone? ”

Did Olrox want to hear the truth? Yes and no. He shook his head and his emerald-and-gold earrings swayed and jingled. He stepped away from Alucard's touch only to curl his point finger in the suggestive way of saying come hither.

“ Follow me, you naive boy. ”

He didn't hold the dhampir's hand and he didn't wait for a response. The vampire clasped hands behind his back as he very slowly and leisurely moved through the massive manor. All was quiet. The servants retired for the night until they were called. With dark wood and tapestries of red and gold adorning the home Olrox moved with grace and elegance up the hand carved stair case to the living areas. The bedrooms were, of course, built for humans. His coffin was hidden elsewhere. He led Alucard to the master bedroom, allowed the blond to enter first, and then quietly closed the double doors behind them both.

Lanterns were already lit and bathed the room in warm hues of orange. A bed fit for three people was situated in the middle with bedsheets of black-dyed silk and hanging tapestries of gold and red. Again he moved languidly towards the fireplace opposite to the bed and just by scraping his nail against the brick, lit a fire at the tip of his finger. He flicked his wrist causing the wood and kindle inside the hearth to catch fire. Olrox turned to Alucard as he blew out the fire at the tip of his finger while wearing a smirk.

“ Would you like a bath or---? ”

Ebony fingers began the process of removing his clothes from jacket to vest to button-down. Slowly. Emerald eyes remained on Alucard.

Alucard was ready and more than willing to take this further, to hurry to the bedroom and rip the clothes from his host's body to ravish him. This was stopped when his wrist was grabbed and the words spoken had those golden eyes wide with shock at what he was hearing. "After all of this you're going to play hard to get now?" The dhampir asked, he was given a taste and now he was desperate for more.

"Of course this is not enough!" He protested being denied what he had come to realize he wanted. The need in his voice so great, it was almost like giving an addict a taste of what they craved after not having any for so long. Alucard reached up to caress the other's neck and jaw to pull him close, the look towards his lower region hadn't gone unnoticed. "Don't make me beg when you want this too, I'm swear I'll cry if we stop now. I want you so bad Olrox..."

Pleading was not something he thought he'd ever do, but he wanted more so bad the dhampir was shaking. Alucard needed to feel more, needed the pleasure of another's touch, to just pretend that someone wanted to love him. "Please, you can do whatever you want to me. Bite me and drink from me if that's what you want. I need to feel you." At this point all rational thought had left Alucard and all he could think of was the pleasure of being one with another person.

[forgotn1]

I always try to tell people I enjoyed hanging out or doing something with them. At least partly because it's something I enjoy hearing and I need that kind of reassurance.

[souenkun]

Pokémon Masters EX spoilers ahead!

Kabu likes to play TAG with his pokemon... and he's shown to have a much softer side beneath his strictness in pokemas too... he's so grandpa-shaped to me 😭💖

[shivunin]

[sysig]

The most fun you can have, barring the pain and torture (Patreon)

[lurking-latinist]

⛵

[lonesomedotmp3]

I am seriously trying to sleep like I've got my fuckass noise machine on and everything my eyes were closed I was doing my best. but my thoughts drifted to siblings for a bit (never a good idea!) and while I always knew logically I had the same age gap with my old sister as I do with my younger brother I didn't realise until right this moment that it was never "well we were just really different ages and we didn't connect 🤷" it was that she didn't care about me and didn't try... like woah I was the exact same age she was when I was 8 when my brother was 8 and I just. simply chose to spend time with him.... and we're very close..... damn ok 😐

[lunarhoneybunny]

sighs. okay tmi posting sorry guys

[californiaquail]

i think semi frequently about how my siblings are all between 16-32 years older than me and i only really talk to one of them and eventually if nothing takes me out first due to the passage of time and mortality it will just be me and my nieces and nephews some of whom are older than me . 🧍🏻

[unproduciblesmackdown]

with the recent like self-analytical framework of [putting hand on own shoulder] "are you looking for the external validation of value in this which would never be guaranteed, and you don't even think it should be contingent on this anyways" it's like, that also speaks more to like "yeah i did really enjoy live performance / theatre-adjacent and -overlapping stuff"

like i have my sense of how much i loved things and none of that involves any memories of having enjoyed it b/c of any feedback i got, from peers or instructors or anything. memories of curtain calls don't stand out much. like fun Specific Feedback was a kind older (relative to me) performer with the central role telling me that my literal leaping onstage (dance performance. grande jete entrance) despite a technical difficulty that would have to be improvised around was Inspirational/Motivating lol. i stopped having any particular stage fright (although is that when you're onstage? more like, anxiety beforehand about messing up. being onstage was the easier, enjoyable part) thanks to just having to yolo through those technical difficulties lol....anyways and then that same show actually, some relative to me younger audience member's dad was like "she's your (role's) biggest fan" and we nervously take a pic together lol. these things were fun & standout but Not Even It; not at all like "this is what makes it all worth it" like this is largely beside the point but a fun little bonus outlier event or two

like there was also no "i loved it b/c of Being In A Cast" nor b/c of any particular like, hanging out having fun Social Element. i loved rehearsing, though. loved being backstage (or in green rooms, or dressing rooms) but not because of any particular company or goings on. loved waiting & practicing / warming up & getting things together like your own costuming & being summoned to backstage & whatall. loved all the technical elements of getting a show together, when things were being assembled / worked out, though i didn't get to have much of any active hand b/c i'm like this twelve year old just learning the part, but it was fun to witness. none of my sense of what contributed to having a great time entailed any particular praise or anything; there was some implicitness in how all at once i graduated from [ensemble performance, back row for tall people] to [roles with solos] and the like, but there was just like, being busy, doing things well enough that it just wasn't Impeding anything lol, and in other arenas where i might've gotten more comments about being like, an outlier per whatever measure of success, it was definitely like, it's all just [successfully avoided negative attention] and ofc people think good grades are good but i'm not particularly moved by the awareness that that in turn is what's good or impressive about me, or something. or that i have to have anything like that for [successfully avoided negative attention]

and i wouldn't have like, done a monologue to an empty room and been like wow magical. i'd do my thing for rehearsal, and then for an audience, but you can't really see the audience and you're like ten doing local ten year old recreational stuff so it's like, the curtain calls you don't remember much (by you i mean me) and then you're done, and for me it was the fun of just like Everything Before. no like classic memories montage of great times socializing, it was me sitting in the green room equivalent, me warming up in the hallway, enjoying being in an auditorium for like 7 hrs of rehearsal, etc, we didn't do any like social events like high school performance afterparties or anything; i wasn't like Friends w/even the occasional person i also knew from school, and that didn't matter or diminish things in the least. performing A Show and for whatever Audience and that abstract is completely good enough. any of my parents' involvement, unavoidable b/c i couldn't even get places without being driven, was a major downside; i didn't like any like post performance [congrats] from them b/c that stuff was just its own unconstructive Performance that you, by which i mean me, were required to be sufficiently like Oh Wow about when it's like, the focused attention from you here means i want to leave; being left all amongst other adults during rehearsals was the good shit, while it also wasn't the case i needed like support or hype from any of those adults either.

there was Some tradition of like, older students in some program who'd take a trip to nyc / do some performance or other, and that seemed exciting but it stopped existing before it could be relevant to me lol. also for the first like, show that was like "audition for parts" vs "class recitals" they gave us like a relevant keepsake for it, and that was a nice surprise, since i had a great experience and all. and one of my main [not dance, with lines and everything] experiences being this fourth grade english class scenes from julius caesar, auditioned again, i'm like hell yeah that this has to be nongendered b/c it's all a bunch of guys, so i play a guy, and an antagonist yippee who doesn't die midway through and sounds easy-peasy to be like [be the dictator assassin] lol. it's funny how already i Cared about like, wish we had Effects instead of awkward silence for the drama of that assassination. wish i like, knew fuckall about acting. but the teacher just focused on telling us all to talk louder b/c nobody could be individually mic'd, and in the end you really couldn't hear fuckall of other performances so that was a win. and we got to do it twice b/c some people's parents got stuck in traffic. all i remember of my parents' presence was being like "omg yes i get to stop being here talking to you b/c we get to do that Again hell yeah"

like it's social but in a Parallel way. i'm contributing my part, i know my role, you know yours, i'm fondly remembering sitting in some school lobby having mini muffins with hours to go before our performance, amongst other people but not at all hyped abt interactions with them or at all disappointed abt the absence of any. i enjoyed it all being in front of people, others involved in the show, or the audience, but i wasn't there for any specific feedback, just being Part of that group constructed experience there. truly this case of like....loved all of that exactly as it happened, was on my own shit, did not need any external validation, didn't need a specific kind of Socializing that's supposed to look like having individual interactions with personal friends, had this passion for it that i also was having a perfectly good time exploring on my own, whilest also enjoying working with / learning from whatever instruction i got. like sure wishing i knew fuckall about acting but that it turns out no not everyone necessarily all loves stage acting as The Peak like that, and this comfort and interest with it that comes from like, you have all the practice of Having to perform and mask and act in life against your supposed incorrect abnormalities, but here's this constructive and creative and expansive edition of that art and science. good enough for doing it all through like fourteen

[sternbilder]

@shamisense OH +++++1 HARD SAME

personally I don't mind daily or near-daily contact (since once I settle on a partner my intention long-term is to live with them and have to see them every day anyway), but even with someone I'm dating full-on text conversations every day or a constant asynchronous stream of texts with an expectation for quick reply would get exhausting for me very quickly and was one of the many reasons some of my previous relationships have been absolute nightmares for me

thankfully I think I finally may have met someone who is more my speed but I FEEL you that it's like #therearedozensofus and it's def not always easy to find

fwiw now that it's something I'm hyperaware of I've found that most dates are actually super receptive to talk about this if you just ask directly, like "how often would you prefer to text/call/meet up, and what does that look like for you in the early stages vs. a committed relationship?" it's been kind of very easy to weed out people who were obviously looking for much more frequent communication than I was tbh within like 1-2 dates

[swallowed-by-the-moon]

was screaming that I'M FUCKING SORRY in my head when I remembered my ex friend, then I checked their posts and I'M NOT FUCKING SORRY I ACTUALLY REMEMBERED WHY I LEFT YOU!!