#or aziraphale or whoever is running things up there

[assorted-fandom-shitposts]

i thought they were talking about rihanna for a second there took a few rereads to realize i’m a dumbass

There would be no S3 without Rhianna and Rob ❤

[vidavalor]

The pub scene is even funnier when you consider that poor Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets has likely had this longtime pash on Aziraphale and, like everyone on Whickber Street, he has no idea who exactly The Ginger Goth With The Old Car is. He knows the prevailing theory is mafia but Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets has seen Ginger Goth hanging around Mrs. Sandwich and her "Sandwich Shop" and also around the bookshop a bit and also some naked guy was also at the bookshop recently, so... what's the likeliest conclusion drawn by Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets? That the old bookseller's lonely and paying for it.

He sees them come into the pub and thinks Aziraphale is classy like that and is taking the sex worker for a drink first or maybe that's part of it-- he's gone the whole 'boyfriend experience' route. Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets sees Aziraphale with that chest stroke of that Thin Dark Duke he's paying and while Mr. Brown (of Brown's World of Carpets, just FYI) isn't here to judge and gets it as he's lonely, too... and while he does think the bookseller picks some hot ones... he wants to give Mr. Fell the real thing. The kind of love you can only get between two middle-aged, still-sorta-closeted queers like they are. He'll be someone the bookseller can talk to and find some genuine chemistry with, Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets will be, so he decides to shoot his shot and knows the bookseller is skittish from their past interactions, so he goes for the meeting option. He'll have to come over to drop off the chairs, of course. Give them an excuse to talk more, alone, when Mr. Fell is not, erm, entertaining.

And poor Mr. Brown--President of the Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Association, Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets is-- fine, upstanding, boring as all holy fuck fella... He's met by Crowley coming over with drinks and a greeting that says this is neither the first time, nor, he doubts, will it be the last that he's had to Husband the bookseller but again, Mr. Brown of Oh, You Know By Now thinks this is a bit, so he's not intimidated.

"I was just absolutely hitting on him for real, unlike you," is what he basically told Crowley when explaining what they were chatting about.

And Crowley's like lol you got him flustered enough to host this meeting. Good on you, Mr. Whoever the Fuck You Are from Whatever Shop You Run. Look at you *go*. 😍 I've got a new favorite human, Aziraphale.

He's all "you astonish me" to Aziraphale, teasing him like you're leading the poor, balding bastard on, angel. I know it's hard for you to reign in your divine sex appeal but you should maybe try. His heart is only human, after all.

Mr. Brown still thinks Crowley's a sex worker though so he doesn't give up and is all like remember, Mr. Fell, our date is right after work on Thursday in a group setting to set you at ease but I'll see you first to set it all up because I want you and I want to make sure you know I'm not just here for the business meeting.

Crowley: That's it-- I'm adopting you, Ballsy Mr. Carpet. I like your style. But you'll never wear my angel down. We've been married for 6,000 years. I am definitely up for saving you from some demons on Thursday though and making it rain on you and literally any fruity, single shop owner in the greater metro area next season. You're on the deck after my shop lesbians. Now piss off, Mr. Barnes. We haven't been to the pub in ages and you're in my seat.

[actual-changeling]

It was actually rather hard to decide how to begin this meta post because there are essentially going to be two main parts: why Crowley does not actually avoid/run from his problems and why "going off" is not a bad thing regardless.

Then I wrote the first part and realised this is now 2.5k words long, so uhhhh I will grant part 2 its own post.

With that, welcome back to Alex's today-not-unhinged meta corner!

I am going to approach this topic from a psychological angle, which a lot of people have already done, but without explicitly mentioning it or going into depth. All my information comes from personal experience, research, my therapist, and my psychiatrist, just so you know I am not making shit up. I actually dug up some resources my therapist gave me a while ago.

Generally, there are four different fear/survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Most people have probably heard about fight and flight, since those two are usually the only ones that are mentioned/taught, so I will stick to explaining the other two.

"Fawning" refers to actively being submissive and subdued, both physically and emotionally. The goal is to appear non-threatening and to calm whoever is causing the fear response in the first place. It shows up as being overly agreeable, not having thoughts/opinions of your own and ignoring them if you do, your body language changing (e.g., making yourself smaller, taking up less space), and generally attempting to 'keep the peace' or reinstate it.

"Freezing" is pretty much exactly what it says on the tin—you freeze. It means slipping into a dissociative state, which disconnects you from your body, your emotions/mind, and/or the outside world. Usually, people stop being able to talk well or at all, they do not move, and if they do, it is on autopilot; you do not fight or flee, you simply exist until what is causing the fear response is over.

While dissociating, your brain is unable to form full memories—and depending on how heavily you are dissociating, it does not form any memories at all. 

Freezing as a response happens when fight, flight, and fawn aren't possible anymore, e.g., a child who has no internal mechanisms to deal with large amounts of fear because it's a child, so the only way to escape the pain and aggressor is by fleeing into your mind and shutting down.

Why am I telling you all this? Because most people tend to have one or two survival responses that dominate/they usually fall back on, and the same goes for Aziraphale and Crowley.

When faced with an outside problem and a lot of stress, Aziraphale's first instinct is to fawn, to placate the person, to diffuse the situation, to make sure everyone is agreeing, or, at the very least, submitting to authority figures or aggressors. It is what heaven teaches them—stick to the rules, don't ask questions, do what you are told. If fawning involves lying, he will do so, here the need for safety is stronger than his desire to be truthful and stick to his morals.

Unfortunately, the fact that this is his primary fear response is also the reason behind his extreme cognitive dissonance. How can you stick to the rules when you do not know what the rules ARE? So he is stuck trying to figure out what is "good" and what is "bad" so he can be a good angel and avoid doing anything that might be seen as bad or disobedient.

His secondary response to stress or fear is to fight—once it's clear that fawning won't work, he can and will switch over to being more direct and aggressive/less submissive. We see that happening when he gets discorporated in season 1 and needs to get back to earth, at the airbase, or when the bookshop gets attacked.

If I were to ask you what you think Crowley's primary fear response is, how would you respond?

Well, if you said "flight"—you're wrong, and I will explain why.

Flight is his secondary fear response, it is what he falls back on in absolute emergencies when everything is doomed and there's nothing he can do anymore.

Before that, though, he fights.

Even as an angel, he was already questioning the system, he was ready to go and tell God she was doing a terrible job, that her ideas were bad, that he wants to keep his stars and the universe— six thousand years are nothing! If you actively oppose existing rules and defy people's authority over you, fighting is the only option you have unless you plan on giving up or the response becomes too much to deal with.

Fear itself happens when you or someone/something you love is being threatened (whether that threat is real or simply perceived as such doesn't matter), plus there are a large number of more irrational fears.

Crowley's creations were threatened -> He goes against the rules, he wants to fight for them.

On the walls of Eden, he questions God and talks to an angel, his hereditary enemy, once again defying the rules, questioning them.

Job and his children were threatened -> He goes against orders to try and save them.

There is good reason to believe he went against God by saving some of the children from the flood.

He showed Jesus the kingdoms of the world—do we really think that was based on orders? No, it was once again Crowley not playing by the rules.

Wessex? He proposes the Arrangement, which is one gigantic "fuck you" in his fight against celestial rules. Everything after that goes back to Crowley knowing that their jobs suck and that they can cheat, fight the system by working together. In 1827, it gets him pulled to hell and punished, and yet he does not stop; he keeps fighting.

Crowley is the one who immediately tries to stop the apocalypse. Aziraphale needs to be talked into it, needs to be convinced with selfish reasons and personal pleasure.

The reason why both heaven and hell absolutely loathe him is not because he is a runner; it's because he constantly and consistently defies them. He fights.

In season two, he immediately tries to deal with the Gabriel problem while Aziraphale is standing behind him and saying "I don't know" to all of his questions. Taking him somewhere so they can figure shit out in peace is not 'running'—it's smart. Sure, it's far from ideal, but we see what keeping him in the bookshop brought them, don't we? The hiding miracle is what tipped heaven and hell off in the first place.

Aziraphale goes to Edinburgh based on a hunch, but once again—did that help? Did his journalist roleplay trip actually provide vital information that solved a single puzzle piece of that mess? No. Finding out that Gabriel was at that pub with some mystery person was a nice fact to know, but that's it.

During the ball, Crowley is scared, vigilant, prowling around the shop, checking windows, telling Aziraphale to "stop this charade" so they can figure out what to do. Aziraphale, in that moment, was already convinced that sticking to the rules would save them—a heavenly embassy on a technicality, surely the group of fallen angels who got booted due to not following heaven's rules will respect that.

Crowley goes to heaven, which is once again him actively looking for a solution, while Aziraphale also falls back on fighting because fawning is not going to do shit.

There are three times during which Crowley suggests fleeing—which is his secondary fear response—but those are exceptions. Let's have a look at them.

The first one is at the bandstand, the evening before the Apocalypse, and since Aziraphale is lying to him, the situation seems hopeless to him. Yet he is still having his 'agents' look for him, is still fighting.

Do you know why he even suggests running? He is about to leave when Aziraphale calls him back with "there isn't anywhere to go," and now allow me to insert the following passage from the scriptbook.

Crowley looks back. He looks at Aziraphale. Above them, a beautiful starry sky. And Crowley softens.

"Big universe. Even if this all ends up in a puddle of burning goo, we could go off together."

The sentence in the show is slightly different, but they have one thing in common: If.

IF the world ends, we can still leave and be together. IF.

Crowley is NOT saying "let's leave", he is presenting Aziraphale with a contingency plan in case stopping the Apocalypse does not work. He is NOT running, he isn't even SUGGESTING to run.

It's a "if the world ends, we can be together. We don't need to be with hell or heaven; we can be in the stars," because remember what the end of the world would mean? Eternal torture for Crowley while Aziraphale bores himself to death in heaven.

The next time he suggests it again—when he stops Aziraphale on the street—several things have happened.

First, he did not leave. If he truly wanted to flee, he would have by now, but he didn't. He sits in a cinema waiting for the end: "Out of time. Out of hope," as Neil puts it. Then Hastur and Ligur show up on screen and tell him, 'You're dead meat, Crowley. You're bloody history. […] We're coming to collect you'.

We all know that means "eternal torture in hell," but if you're not convinced for some reason, have another snippet from the script book that did not make it into the show.

Dagon is speaking from the Bentley's radio while he drives towards the bookshop, saying that something has gone wrong and they're sure he has a 'perfectly reasonable explanation' for it. Once he gets out of the car, however, Dagon still keeps going and says the following:.

"Your explanation, and the circumstances that will accompany it, will provide a source of entertainment for all the damned of hell, Crowley. Because no matter what agonies the damned are suffering, Crowley, you will have it worse."

Crowley already knows that. He has been punished by them before, heard, seen, lived torture, there is no doubt as to what will happen should they catch him. So he does what any person with a single fucking brain cell would do—he tries to get his loved one and FLEE.

Flight is the best response in this situation, and if you need me to explain why, then honestly, I cannot help you anymore. I won't go into detail about Aziraphale's response, but, tl;dr, it was shitty and incredibly hurtful, go figure.

Now, let's get to situation number 3, which is his speech during the final fifteen. We do not have an official script for that, but someone did make transcriptions for all episodes; you can find them here. Additionally, I will copy some of what I already said in a different meta post.

Crowley, stuck in his trauma-induced hypervigilance and paranoia, suggests putting as much distance between them and the problem as possible. I think it is interesting that in ep1 he wants to get Gabriel away from them, while at the end of the season, he is ready to get them away from the problem.

So far, I have never seen anyone mention that change! And it’s important! The entire season, it is hammered into our heads how much they love being on earth. It is THEIR bookshop and THEIR car and THEIR life.

Crowley wants to protect that home, and Gabriel is a threat to it, a threat to both of them, their life, the bookshop—everything. He does not want to leave, he wants his peace and angel in one place.

Yet by allowing Gabriel to stay, Aziraphale destroyed the sense of comfort and safety Crowley had slowly developed over the last few decades. Heaven nipping down every now and then to check in with Aziraphale is very different from him sheltering the Supreme Archangel who is running from ‘something terrible’ without even asking if he’s alright with that.

Aziraphale calls it their bookshop, but he fundamentally still sees it as his space to govern and Crowley as a guest; he even calls it a 'heavenly embassy'.

After another horrible week and having his previously safe space violated by several different times and beings, Crowley is back to where he was before—without a home. That fragile existence broke apart, so he is standing in the heap of shards and telling Aziraphale 'I don’t feel safe here anymore, let’s leave’.

He lost his safe space, but he still has his safe person, his best and only friend, the person he loves. I doubt he cares where exactly they go as long as they’re together and it’s safe.

Returning to heaven—it is the one place Crowley cannot follow him to. It’s literally the worst option, he can’t go back, he won’t go back. So he invokes the bookshop again, if you don’t want to stay for me, stay for the bookshop, your books, your corner of existence that I thought we had carved out for ourselves.

There is a common error that people make regarding the timeline, which is assuming that during this conversation they are already aware of the impending apocalypse—but they aren't. Aziraphale himself has no clue, and while Crowley saw the conversation and trial, he does NOT know when it will happen. For all he knows, it could be tomorrow, could be in a thousand years, and, even if he had been given a date, I doubt they laid out all the details and how to stop it.

Considering that his original plan was "get drunk at the Ritz and then have us time," I don't think he knew literally anything about how or when to stop it. So no, Crowley does NOT suggest running away from earth and leaving it to die.

All he wants is some bloody peace and quiet where no demons, angels, or power-hungry floating heads can interrupt them. A space that is safe and theirs. There are also zero mentions of where he wants them to go; he is not talking about the stars or the universe. He wants to get away from where they currently are because heaven and hell show up uninvited whenever they please.

If your boss and ex-boss constantly kicked down your front door and stated their wish to torture you, would you stay there or would you move? Yeah.

This post got very long, but it was long overdue.

I am tired of seeing people call Crowley a callous coward who always runs away from his problems when he is the literal opposite. You take three sentences said under exceptional circumstances and apply them to Crowley as a whole, when it is nothing but his last ditch effort to keep himself and Aziraphale safe.

One last thing: If you come onto my post and start aggressively arguing about this, I will block you. Genuine discussions and questions are always welcome, being a dick is not, and I also simply cannot handle some of the rhetoric people in this fandom perpetuate because it's very triggering.

Make your own post, don't do it on mine.

[sightofsea]

147 for the ineffable beauties because i’m a basic ass bitch

this took a hot sec but here ya go!

147. "Tell me again."

The bench is in the middle of nowhere. They've been meeting in the middles of nowheres a lot recently: at picnic tables in littered children's parks, on the hoods of cars in empty car parks, inside of a Korean restaurant named Park's in some strip mall in Iowa. This middle of nowhere is a rhododendron garden, tucked away in some neighborhood with just a bulletin board to acknowledge its presence. 

It's after closing, yet the fountain still runs. Probably to keep the pipes from freezing, Aziraphale had suggested, when Crowley asked. And then they talked as they usually have, during these visits: stunted sentences. Business talk, you understand, about the end of the world and such. How to stop it, et cetera. Nothing more, Crowley, you have to understand. This is strictly a transactional exchange.

So they talk business. They exchange things--words mostly--and then as most conversations do, it veers. It twists and turns and does a U-ey until there's a pause. A pregnant pause at that, five days overdue and with ankles so swollen its legs might as well be tree trunks.

The water continues to run. The air smells like rain approaching.

"Tell me again," Aziraphale says finally. "Just one more time."

Crowley considers this. A part of him--a big part--wants to start begging. But he's got to have his dignity, of whatever's left of it. 

"No."

Aziraphale blinks. "No?" he asks, voice pitched high.

"No," Crowley says, shaking his head and licking the front of his teeth. He gives the angel a small, sad smile. "Once was enough, don't you think?"

"Not for me," Aziraphale says truthfully.

Crowley leans back on the bench and crosses his legs. "Too bad, so sad," he drawls, and contemplated the sky above them. Cloudy, heavy. Rain knocking on their door.

He waits for the space next to him to go empty. That's usually how conversations like this have gone as of late. Instead, it's still occupied. In it sits one angel, fidgeting with his hands, blinking rapidly and swallowing. Crowley feels the lady of his dignity start to crumble. "Oh, don't...don't do the--"

Aziraphale takes in a deep breath and steels himself, as if caught out. "The what?"

Crowley groans and gestures. "The eyes, the lip, the--"

Aziraphale starts to wipe at his face, but it only serves to make things worse. "I can't help it, now can I?" he asks. 

"Well why would you wanna hear it again?" Crowley asks genuinely. Aziraphale stares at him in confusion. "Hm? Words all...jumbled and, and half--half something or other. All full of...of..." 

Love. Affection. Care. He tries to remember the speech he gave and comes up empty on the specifics, but the emotions wash over him again. He swallows them back. 

"Can't even get them out now," Crowley says, voice suddenly too small in his mouth. "I don't see the point, really. I said one thing, you said another, and now we're..." He tries to grasp onto some concrete definition of what they are. "...here."

He gestures to the garden. Aziraphale looks around, as if trying to find a response somewhere between the moss and the thick leaves. He fidgets a little more. It takes all of Crowley's might to not curl around him. 

He must find the words somewhere, perhaps under a rock or something, because he stops his fidgeting. "Maybe," he says, anxiously angling himself towards Crowley, "I want a do over."

Crowley's internal organs do a funny thing involving a clove hitch and perhaps a somersault. "A do--a do over?" he stutters out.

Aziraphale nods. "Yes."

"Oh," Crowley says. Then he tries, very very hard, to remember his whole speech. He comes up woefully short. "Um." Come on, think! THINK! "Uhh." Right, okay. He can be smooth about this. "A-Actions speak louder than words, I think."

Aziraphale blinks, and smiles pleasantly. "I happen to agree."

Right. Okay. Jesus--Adam, whoever. Okay, time for action. "So..." Crowley says, and lifts a hand. Towards what, he's not entirely sure. He supposes the other angel's hand--kissing didn't go very well last time, did it? So, yeah. Crowley lifts a hand, and then places over Aziraphale's, and feels like he's just climbed Kilimanjaro.

He looks at Aziraphale, unsure. Aziraphale smiles and also lifts a hand. Now that's interesting, Crowley thinks, triple hand hold. Didn't know you could do that.

He's midway through that thought when Aziraphale's hand goes for his tie and pulls him in lips first. After that, things go a bit fuzzy. There's hands, he knows that. Quite bit of gripping from both parties, and something involving a bit of tongue and teeth that causes his kneecaps to liquify. If actions speak louder than words, then Aziraphale is practically shouting. Crowley happily gets the message.

"How was that?" Aziraphale asks when they pull apart. He hand is still on Crowley's tie. "As a do-over."

Crowley's mental facilities struggle to recover. They aren't helped by the fact that Aziraphale's twirling the tie around his finger. "Wh--uh, hoooo...yup," Crowley eloquently puts it. He clears his throat. "Might, um. Might need a, um. A couple--few more--"

"A few more tries?" Aziraphale asks. 

"Yeah," Crowley breathes out.

Aziraphale takes in a shaky breath. "Well," he says, and starts pulling at the tie again. It starts to rain. Neither of them notice. "Let it never be said I've been anything but thorough."

[whynotjohnlock]

Hello! If it’s no trouble to ask could you write a platonic fic or headcanons for good omens?

Like where it’s Aziraphale x Crowley x teen!reader

Maybe something like how would it be to have them as parental figures/parents?

Anyways I hope you have a good rest of your evening!!

(and if you don’t mind could you add something in there about how they’d react if the reader ever came out to them? If not I totally understand!!)

A/N: I love the idea of Aziraphale and Crowley as parents! You didn't really specify what the reader was coming out as, so I made them non-binary, as that's what is most relatable to me!

In the beginning of the story the child is a girl, and they eventually figure out that they aren't a girl at all and tells our favorite angel and demon couple.

P.S (O/N) means old name and (Y/N) means Your current name

----------------------------------------------------------

Crowely had never been more angry in his entire life as when he first met (Y/N). Rage burned in his demonic blood and his mellow yellow eyes flickerd into a poisonous red. The only thing stopping him from calling thunder from the sky and creating mass destruction was those little innocent eyes he had met on that sorrowful day.

-Flashback-

Aziraphale had just started to reorganize the book shop, as he did every decade when the papers and memoirs and novels got mixed up beyond the ability to find them. Crowley knew Aziraphale. Without words, without any indication, he knew that the angel would get tired and would want some pastries to snack on before noon. They had been friends for eons together and words were not necessary to convey thought between the pair. Crowley went out to get some pastries because he liked to see the angel's face become soft and happy. The demon loved the way his angel's eyes seemed to cut through any darkness or pain he held.

Just the thought of Aziraphale seemed to brighten his day and a small unnoticeable smile formed on Crowley's face. Mentally he had scolded himself for being a lovesick aardvark and finally got the strength to leave the couch and swagger walk™ out of his flat's door.

A happy juant to his other beloved parked right next to the bookshop and a nice drive latter he arrived to a newly opened bakery.

The bakery itself was rather dull, and he hadn't even cared enough to remember it's name. The whole experience was rather annoying as the shopkeeper kept talking to him when he wanted to order. He stood there for what felt like ages- which considering his age was 6000+ was quite the achievement- bored and annoyed. Couldn't the shopkeeper see he was completely uninterested in conversation? While the shopkeeper was busy ranting on about the economy, the window clicked open on noticed by everyone but him.

From his periphery and under his designer black shades, a small girl that caught his attention as he watched them sneak in through the window soundlessly.

The child silently went up to one of the display racks with croissants and started stuffing them into a little brown worn out backpack to eat later. Whoever this child was, it was clear to Crowley that they would have to be very brave or very desperate or possibly both the rob a bakery in broad daylight.

Still, the shopkeepers were not the wiser as the little gremlin continued to steal their day supply bread and it appeared they would be able to escape unnoticed.

Then the floor creaked, and all eyes turn to the little girl furious and angry. "Thief! Thief! Somebody get her!" The man running the register shouted. In surprise the girl dropped her bag of food and make a run for it.

Crowley always had a soft spot for kids and it was no surprise really to anyone who had actually known him like Aziraphale, that he miracled a chair in the way of the shopkeeper so he 'accidentally' tripped and little girl could getaway.

Falling down in pain the angry man shouts "Ugh, I hate that girl! it's the third time this week! If she does that again I'll call the police to take her away!"

All respect gone for the man working the desk, Crowley decides to order three sandwiches instead of the usual two. Once the food is in his hands, he sets off to find the crafty little thief.

It only really takes 5 minutes for Crowley to find thief girl walking streets alone. "Hey kiddo, you lost?"

The girl looks up at him and surprise and then fear like a broken animal, and from her lips tumble a simple "No mister."

His heart aches, and to appear less threatening he gets down on one knee. "Hey it's all right kiddo I'm not going to hurt you. I even brought you some food."

Crowley gives the tiny human one of the sandwiches to prove he's not a threat. The girl blinks at him and then blinks again and then devours the sandwich like it's the first food she's had in weeks.

Actually, looking at her now it might be. This is the first time Crowley's been able to really observe her and from what he can see it's almost certain she's in a rough situation- which reminds him he hasn't even asked her name yet. "What's your name kiddo?"

The girl blinks once more. "(O/N)"

He hesitates. He doesn't want hell to find out he helped a small defenseless child and certainly doesn't want hastor to use the girl to get him. He looks down at the poor innocent girl who has already finished the sandwich and is eating crumbs off the floor. "I'll walk you home, just show me where you live."

(O/N) nods simply, before taking his hand and walking Eastward for a couple of blocks. She stops at the intersection between two houses. 'Maybe she needs to go in the back door?' Crowley thinks to himself. Alas, despite working for hell, his gut wasn't quite prepared for the twisting sensation when he sees (O/N) gesture to a pile of cardboard boxes.

"This is my super cool box fort!" She says truly proud of her creation and happy, as if this was an okay way of living. "Let me give you the tour!" All Crowley can do is nod dumbly as she excitedly explains her home.

"This is where I sleep! Oh, and this is where I look at the stars through my telescope." Her 'telescope' is a clear glass bottle attached to a thrown out tripod stand. "And this is where-"

Crowley is heartbroken and can't take anymore. He cuts the girl off in a gentle sad tone, "where are your parents kiddo?"

"My parents? Umm, mummy and daddy dropped me off and said they'd be back in an soon."

"When was that kiddo?" Crowley's voice breaks into fragments.

"Um, when they were painting that house red I think. Don't worry though! I'm sure they'll be back soon Mister, just like they promised!"

Crowley knew this side of town well because it was on the way to Aziraphale's house, and recalled they had painted that particular house red a year ago.

A year ago.

What in God's name had this child been through? From the size of a little girl she couldn't have been more than five or six years old.

The little girls face made him hurt so so much because she truly believed that her parents would come back to her even after a year of not being there for her. 365 days of fighting for herself alone just for the basic necessities to grow up; and some how she still had hope they were good people. It hurt that much more in that she reminded him of himself as an angel, naive and hopeful of God and the great plan she had for the universe. Her face held the same smile that Aziraphale had when he believed that Angels were good people. And by Satan and God did it hurt.

His pain fueled his rage and bitterness. Anger at the people who it forsaken the child. Bitterness for the world. Hatred for God and her holier than thou standard. His jaw clenched and fingers turned white from clenching so hard into his fist. Why had she forsaken him? Was he not good enough? Was it because he asked too many questions? God's prophet, Jesus had said time and time again that questioning was part of faith, so that really didn't make sense. The more he thought, the more none of the answers made any sense at all.

The only thing that seemed to make sense was the fact and desire and need to take (O/N) home and keep her safe. He decided he would do what no one else had done for him; he would be there, and he would protect her. He would take her home and answer all the questions she had without ever getting annoyed or angry.

No one deserves to be in trouble just for asking questions. 'It won't happen, not on my watch' he vowed.

He did not swear to God. He did not swear to Satan. Crowley sweard to the only thing that mattered to him, Aziraphale, that he would find a way to convince this little girl to go to his angel's bookshop with him and protect them from all harm.

And he did.

----------------------------------------------------------

*Flash forward*

His little girl grew up so fast. She wasn't little anymore. Heck, (Y/N) even a girl anymore.

It god was amazing when they came out. He was so fucking proud that his little thief was brave enough to question there own identity and gender through an incredible mental journey to find the words to represent who they where and had always been. He definitely was not crying when (Y/N) came out, even though Aziraphale had hallucinated and kept insisting that that's what happened.

They had grown into a fiercely independent young adult who had just finished education was pursuing the career of their dreams.

"Are you alright, dear?" An angel snapped him out of his thoughts, and he could have sworn his demonic heart stopped for a second.

"I'm alright, angel. I was just thinking about our little thief."

Aziraphale becomes a mother hen™ "Crowley! How meany times have I told you that they are so much more than a scoundrel who steals money in the night!"

"Angel, (Y/N) likes the nickname, and told me they like it several times!"

"Our starlight deserves a better name!"

Aziraphale had grown to love his starlight as much as he loved his wiley old serpent, with all of himself, truly, madly, and deeply. He read to (Y/N) every night, creating worlds and universes of words for his starlight to laugh and enjoy.

He took them to all his favorite restaurants, for sushi for brioche for crepes and even oysters to taste and try. Only the best for his starlight!

Both angel and demon become extremely serious and angry with one another for a few heartbeats.

Then, they burst out laughing together, unable to continue this silly argument any longer. Crowley falls over on the couch tackling his angel down with him.

They just lie there together completely unable to do anything but keep laughing together in pure unchecked joy.

Aziraphale and Crowley eventually get there giggles out, and hold one another in silence.

Aziraphale whispers softly into Crowley's ear: "I love you, my dear."

Crowley gives a half smirk half smile, "i fORgIvE yOu!"

"You're never going to let that go, are you?"

"Nope!"

"Well, I suppose it's well deserved, but I want you to know that I really do love you more than books and oysters and crepes. I love you more than I can say with words."

"I know, angel. And I really do forgive you for whatever that word mess was. Can we go back to cuddleing?"

"Of course dear."

Crowley and Aziraphale had never felt more at peace with the world than they did with you since you entered their life. They where truly free from hell and heaven to be with one another happy.

They were truely free to be as they always wanted to be;

An Ineffable family.

[guiltyspark242]

So heaven has the archangels and the archangel supreme all of whom are overseen by the metatron.

Hell just has the dukes of hell headed up by the archduke and no-one above them overseeing them? So Beelzebub was the one giving orders in hell?

You see where this is going?

The archangel supreme position has now gone to Aziraphale. Where would we find a demon powerful enough and clever enough to step into Beelzebubs shoes? Certainly none of the mob who showed up in the bookshop.

And whoever gets the job can run things as they see fit, no oversight.

Someone who could perhaps use their position and power to try to stop what’s coming….

Beelzebub and Gabriel leaving has quite neatly cleared the way for the two ineffable idiots to stand in positions of power, parallel and opposite to each other, funny that.

[onceuponapuffin]

Fanatic Intervention Part 14!!!

Happy Birthday to regular reader and commenter @ritz-writes !! :D

Here's the sculpture mentioned in the fic: https://noma.org/collection/history-of-the-conquest/

You'll notice that the poll at the bottom isn't anything suuuuper important. There's just some plot things that I want to get running in the next section, so I'm gonna be writing it up and posting it tomorrow. But I promise you that it's still an important choice to make (also idk what to pick so that means you all get to pick lol ).

Okay! Here we go! Back to New Orleans with The Anti-Apocalypse Crew!

Beginning || Previous || Next

*************************

Now that you all were in the city, it only took Anathema the next morning to hone in on her signal. To Aziraphale's delight, it led you all to the sculpture garden at the New Orleans Museum of Art. To your delight, it led more specifically to a sculpture of a person riding a snail (to victory no doubt).

"I think this might be my favourite statue ever," You say aloud (because this author is assuming you would agree with her opinion). There is a person you don’t know standing in front of the statue. He gives a dissatisfied huff.

"It's called 'History of the Conquest,'" he tells you, despite not being asked, "The ever-slow and over-confident march of the entitled towards a future where they're in charge. Everyone else suffers while they promise glory and prosperity."

Your jaw drops open. This person looks like a 'surfer dude,' but is talking like someone who's spent most of their life in a cubicle changing 1s to 0s for 8 straight hours a day.

"WOW! That is BLEAK," is what finally comes out of your mouth. "Proper ray of sunshine, you are."

Okay, that sounded really British. You briefly wonder about the effect of spending so much time around Crowley and Aziraphale before Surfer Dude starts to laugh.

"I've seen a few things, human. Been 'round longer than you've been alive, will be long after you die. You're no more than a moth in my eyes."

"Wow," You can't help but repeat yourself, "Again, bleak." Also rude, but priorities.

"It is what it is," Surfer Dude replies. You shake your head and turn to Aziraphale and Crowley.

"You're up," You concede. You have no idea who this is, but he called you "human," and compared you to a moth. Whoever this person is, they’re probably the one Anathema’s had you looking for. He doesn’t look like Jesus, but maybe he will know where Jesus is. Either way, Anathema doesn’t get things wrong. If her work brought you to this person, then he’s the person you need to talk to.

That being said, whoever this is, he's the Ineffable Husbands' department and not yours. Sometimes you just gotta tap out and let the celestials handle their own kind. Now, this doesn't mean that you're not going to sit back and watch. Oh no, you want to see how this plays out.

"Can I have some popcorn?" You stage-whisper to Crowley as you pass him.

"Piss off," Crowley stage-whispers back. Despite his complaint, you notice a tiny Michael-Sheen smile on Aziraphale's face, and you return to Anathema, who looks surprised and is holding two small cartons of popcorn. You gratefully take one and have a seat on a convenient bench that is located conveniently within earshot. This is gonna be good.

"Hello," Aziraphale begins as he approaches, "I'm Aziraphale."

"Right," Surfer Dude says with a roll of his eyes, "The Angel of the Eastern Gate. I'm so honoured."

"Here I thought manners were important to angels," Crowley replies, sidling up next to Aziraphale. Surfer-Dude-Who-Is-Apparently-An-Angel takes in Crowley and raises an eyebrow.

"And here I thought demons didn't make a habit of hanging off angels' arms," Surfer Dude scoffs in in return.

Crowley snarls.

"Yes, well, each of us seems to be an anomaly in our own right," Aziraphale says with an appeasing smile, "This is Crowley. Might we have the pleasure of knowing your name?"

"No."

"Ah, right. Well, that is to your own discretion I suppose."

"Rude is what it is," sneers Crowley.

"Regardless, we've come to this garden with the guidance of our friend here, hoping to find, well, Jesus as it happens."

Surfer-Dude-Angel-Person throws his head back and laughs outright.

"You're looking for who now? JESUS? HA! Bit of soul-searching for you, is it? Spiritual journey? Pilgrimage to the Holy Land? You're in the wrong place for that!" He keeps laughing.

I mean, you get the laughter. It definitely sounds weird to a third party. Crazy even. But if this guy is an angel, then shouldn't it sound perfectly reasonable?

"Oi," Crowley interrupts, clearly impatient, "We're trying to save the world here. And since angels don't normally take holiday time, I'd think helping us might be in your best interest."

"You think you can stop the Second Coming? Ha! There isn't another technicality that you can throw around this time. This one's it. Enjoy the giant snail statues while they last, because it won't be for much longer."

"You know an awful lot," You call from the bench, "And you like to talk. So just get to the part about Jesus so we can leave you to be miserable on your own." You popcorn is already almost finished, and you frown into your carton. If only you could do miracles. You'd refill it yourself.

Surfer-Dude-Angel-Person laughs again.

"Yeah, okay, I like this one," he says, nudging a thumb in your direction. He turns away from Crowley and Aziraphale and strides towards you. Suddenly your popcorn carton is full again, so you look up. Okay, maybe he's not so bad. He reaches out a hand to you.

"Call me Sardis, Little Moth."

After a moment of hesitation, you shake his hand. He turns back to Crowley and Aziraphale.

"I can see why you've adopted this one," he says, then turns his attention to Anathema, paying no mind to the garbled protests coming from Crowley. "And since we're doing introductions...?"

"Anathema Device," says Anathema with a nod. She would probably shake his hand, but between her equipment and her popcorn, her hands are full.

"Lovely to meet you, Miss Anathema," Sardis nods at her before finally looking back at Aziraphale and Crowley. "You won't find Jesus here. But meet me for drinks later and I'll tell you what you need to know to find him."

"You're unnecessarily cryptic, Sardis," You say with a raised eyebrow and a mouth full of popcorn. He laughs again.

"Well, Little Moth," his eyes have a sparkle in them now as he looks at you, "Gotta keep myself entertained somehow."

Sardis insists on giving you all a tour of the sculpture garden, but refuses to say anything more about Jesus, or how he knows about Armageddon, or why he isn't in Heaven, or anything else that you actually WANT to talk about. He insists that such talk isn't for a quiet garden full of art. It isn't until he lays a cryptic finger beside his nose and winks at you that something clicks in your memory.

Remember, back before JK Rowling turned out to be an awful person, back when everyone read Harry Potter? EVERYONE, RIGHT?? Perhaps, dear Reader, you remember the chapter in book 5 where Hermione calls a meeting at The Hog's Head because it’s less crowded. Hermione figures the sparse crowd means that there are fewer people to see them together. Perhaps you also remember when, later in the book, this action comes back to bite them, and they are told very sternly that they should have met at the Three Broomsticks precisely BECAUSE it was busier. A busy pub meant they would have been less likely to be overheard.

Suddenly you look around the garden and notice the sparse, but very much there, collection of people. Just the right number of people that could listen to your conversation if they wanted to without you being any the wiser. Oh.

Oh.

Maybe the cryptic is a little bit necessary after all. He’s still overdoing it in your opinion, but whatever floats his goat.

You part ways after his tour, agreeing to meet at a local bar at 9pm. There’s enough time to go back to the hotel, freshen up, and get something to eat before you make your way there.

“Well,” Aziraphale says back at the hotel, “This Sardis certainly is a character.”

“I know the name from somewhere,” You trail off in thought. Where have you heard it before? Sardis…Tardis…Sardine….You’re not sure, but it rings a bell.

Anathema is already flipping through notebooks. Aziraphale has picked up his copy of the Bible, and Crowley is on his phone. You figure everyone else has it covered, and sure enough, it’s Crowley who finds it first. Google, no doubt.

“Ha! Found the sod! He’s in Revelation.”

“Oh!” You practically jump as recognition finally hits. “He’s one of the seven angels! The ones we didn’t think were here!”

“You didn’t think any of them were here?” Anathema asks, “Did you even check, or did you just assume?”

“Well Muriel said…” You go quiet, before clearing your throat and trying again. “We didn’t look into it far at all, no.”

“So exactly what work did you do before you called me?”

“Umm…….” You say.

“Nnngggh” Crowley adds.

“A great deal less than we thought at the time, apparently,” Aziraphale finally admits with a sigh.

“You are all really bad at saving the world.” Anathema shakes her head.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤

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[mrclairdycat]

WHY CROWLEY IS A BPD CODED CHARACTER: A LONG THREAD

‼️WARNING‼️ This post could be triggering to some viewers, please be mindful when reading!

I'm going follow the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria to cover each and every point (there are 9 so hang on with me please). Here they are:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

First of all, throughout the entire show Crowley has been trying to save Aziraphale from the brainwashing Heaven has done to him. He knew that sooner or later he would've cut ties just because he's a demon, and that he was pushing his luck, so he's done everything he could to show that they don't have to choose anyone's side but their side, and that there is no need to abandon him. Second of all, even when he is in the right, he always comes back to Aziraphale after an argument, says sorry, and moves on with it in no time. All he cares about is to not lose him. One time he was literally like "Ok, I was wrong and you were right, now get in the car please".

His frantic efforts might be subtle because he's not the type to get vulnerable and emotional in front of anyone, and would never directly beg Aziraphale to stay, but he continously asks Aziraphale to "go off together" because he wants to feel safe, to secure his fp. He wants to make sure they're together, away from all factors that could make him lose Aziraphale. (not only because he could choose Heaven, but also because they could be destroyed and such).

One scene that proves the lenght Crowley would go to not lose him is in the last ep of season one where Aziraphale threatens to never talk to him again if he doesn't do something.

The look on Crowley's face after he says that says it all, me thinks. And he immediately finds a way to not make that happen.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation:

I think it's safe to say that Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship is super unstable and intense, so we can check that. They have spent 6000 years being friends and haven't ever properly communicated once, yet would do anything for each other.

That said, Crowley continously goes from idealizing Aziraphale, calling him his best friend and all, to completely devaluing the importance of his presence in his life (and how much he wants him) as soon as he feels threatened or angry.

An example of that is that scene where he asks for the holy water in front of the duck pond. As soon as Aziraphale uses the words 'fraternize', you can see his anger building up. Seeing that he might not look at their relationship the same way he does, he immediately devalues him. This is not the only scene where he basically says " Yeah! You're not important to me and I don't need you. I don't care about you! I can live with you!"

As a person with BPD this happens a lot with whoever is my fp. Even little words like that can make my defense mechanism to the perceived abandonment go off. Rejection is the worst thing. I immediately think "oh whatever, I have other friends who want to spend time with me/who would do this for me. I couldn't care less." (I actually do, a lot. LOL).

There's also that scene where the end of the world is near, and since Aziraphale rejects the idea of running away together again Crowley says something alongs the line of "You're ridiculous. I don't even know why I keep talking to you."

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

In the context of this show this culminates in the fact that Crowley doesn't really know what he is. He doesn't know if he's truly bad and if he even wants to be bad. That's just what Heaven etiquetted him as, and went with it, probably because he feels protected this way, in a sense. It's better to be someone unforgivable than a victim that has been misunderstood, after all. That would put him in a vulnerable position.

Plus, I think anyone with BPD will relate with the experience of feeling like you're ultimately bad or evil at the core, that you're someone who is unredeemable, but at the same time feeling angry because you feel like the world is being unfair towards you. We usually have a strong sense of justice because we've been wronged, and can't help but see everything as unfair and unjust.

Most of the times we were hurt because we were nice, and we don't want to be nice again in fear of not having control or power over it.

It's clear Crowley doesn't want to be an angel again, but he doesn't want to be a demon either. He had never done anything extremely bad.

So I think it's safe to say he doesn't know what he wants to be. He just wants to be ok, to rest and get away from all of it, from the sources of his trauma.

In fact, I believe Crowley sees himself in Aziraphale since he's having similar experiences, and projects himself into him. It's as though they're figuring themselves out thanks to their relationship. They mutually bring new prespectives to the table.

This is why they fail at communicating: Crowley doesn't understand himself yet, and so doesn't understand parts of Aziraphale either.

But they will get there one day, hopefully.

"I'm just a demon that gets along with Hell as far as he can."

"You're just an angel that gets along with Heaven as far as he can."

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, reckless driving, binge eating...)

Ok first of all:

... Yeah.

That checked, the second area is a bit of a stretch and can be debated (then again it's important to point out you only have to mark at least 5 points to fit the criteria), but I believe the way he lets Aziraphale treat him like "the bad demon" and tries to prove him right sometimes could be considered self-damaging behavior? I still remember that scene where Aziraphale just assumes he had fired a gun before, and Crowley doesn't correct him. Many times he does the 'bad' things for him just to please him too, and I don't believe he wants Aziraphale to perceive him as an unredeemable demon at all.

I also believe the way he impulsively and recklessly lies about getting his job done could be considered self-damaging behavior. Especially because he does it with things that are not even worth taking the risk.

Sometimes its like he doesn't care if he could get punished, and we know Hell isn't exactly forgiving. They probably use torture as a current method for this. I remember he said something along the lines of "and my lot don't send notes" to Aziraphale, after all.

TW: the next point will mention suicidal behavior! (Please skip to the next point if you feel like it could trigger you).

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

This is another one that could be debated, but hear me out: yes, its true that he could've only wanted the holy water as a weapon against other demons (and he did use it that way), but Aziraphale's fear of possibly giving him a suicide pill had to come from somewhere, right? Why would he immediately assume that's what he would use it for if things went bad?

It might be because he doesn't see Crowley as someone who could actually hurt anyone, so he's only left with that option, but I'm not sure. After all, even the nicest person would try to save his life if a legion of demons tried to give them retribution, right? And he wouldn't mind giving Crowley something to protect himself.

It could be possible that there were moments and stuff that went on between them, conversations that led Aziraphale to believe this. It took time for him to decide and grant him this holy water, and even so he didn't look sure. He was extremely worried.

And no, Aziraphale is not scared of getting into trouble. It's clear the problem with giving him the holy water isn't that from the get go. That's the face of someone who is doubting their friend's intentions.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

This man is the epitome of emotional instability. I don't know what else to say here,honestly XJENFJ

It only takes watching the show to figure that out, I believe. He's super reactive to every little thing and word, he's super easy to irritate. He can go from being calm to snapping like a branch into a matter of seconds, and takes as quickly to let it go.

Chronic feelings of emptiness:

It is clear this man experiences chronic emptiness. He doesn't see the point in Heaven or Hell, into doing his demon buisness, or in the Great Plan, the war and all.

Ok, demons cannot properly be friends, I know, but some kind of partnerships had been shown, yet he has no 'friends'. He is distant from everything. He doesn't want to do anything.

His careless behaviors: the reckless driving, the dangerous tricks he does to not do his job, are all connected to this chronic emptiness. If he cared, he wouldn't behave like this.

That said, I do believe Aziraphale, his fp, became the only purpose of his endless existence. He was probably the only thing that began to motivate him. It is made clear from the show that he is lonely asf, and, at least in my experience, BPD makes you very lonely. If I don't have any significant relationships (including friendships) I feel empty to my core. Since we have troubles with our identies we have difficulties doing things for ourselves and ourselves only, to see the point in doing things if no one is watching, if no one is there to appreciate it. Even then, friendships and all do not fill that hole, and we might lose passion for things or not feel any passion for things at all.

We know that Crowley was passionate about one thing: creating nebulas, stars, and universes. That completely changed after he fell, a traumatic event, and that's when I believe his BPD traits started to appear.

He did say he had been waiting to build that thing since forever, and not only did he learn it was pointless since it'll be all dismantled one day, he lost his angelic status too. That was probably his only stable sense of self.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anter, reccurent physical fights.)

Since we're talking about his angelic past: Crowley used to be happy. He isn't 'naturally' all grouchy and angry at the world. He began to be that way after he fell.

JUST LOOK AT THIS CUTIE.

Crowley before the fall and Crowley after the fall are two completely different people, right?

And he doesn't pretend to have changed to appear mean or something like that, he did actually change. He was traumatized, wronged. That's where all that anger comes from. His reactions are real, not play pretend.

And it is made clear many times that Crowley has anger issues. He can't control it. He is shown snapping a multitude amount of times.

now THIS is real BPD anger right there. If I had to visually represent how it feels when BPD anger hits this would be it. It's so edgy it's embarrassing. It truly could only take a lightning bolt to calm me the fuck down. He doesn't even give a f if humans are all seeing him do this, just like a person with BPD wouldn't feel embarassed making a scene in public since it's so uncontrollable you lose yourself and act impulsively.

The fact he's angry because of an argument him and Aziraphale just had makes this more BPD coded.

Not only that, his anger many times comes out of nowhere and could be described as innapropriate.

Just look at how quickly he reacts, without making Aziraphale even finish his sentence.

It is clear Aziraphale has no bad intentions when he says it, his voice is even sweet, yet Crowley can't help but react like this simply for being called nice or good.

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

We have finally came to the last point. Yippe! Now this one is a bit tricky since it's not easily identifiable just by looking at someone.

This paranoid ideation or dissociative symptoms like depersonalization can occur in periods of extreme stress, and it is hard to judge that just by watching. A person could be walking, as an example, but still be dissociating even if they look completely normal. They might not actually be totally aware of what they are doing. (Transient means they last minutes or hours, by the way.) This becomes even harder to tell since Crowley continously wears those glasses, so we can't even see if his eyes look empty or anything.

That said, we know Crowley is super reactive, but during intense stressful times, like in season one when he learns that the end of the world is near and Aziraphale rejects to run away with him, it seems like he becomes unnaturaly calm whenever he perceives there's nothing else he can do. He looks just utterly exhausted and passive.

It's important to note that these symptoms are mostly caused by real or imagined abandonment too. I point that out because in the episode scene of season 2, after Crowley sees Aziraphale officially leaving and going to Heaven, he gets back in the car, but he doesn't immediately drive.

He starts it and just sits there in silence. He looks completely out of it, like he has just taken such a big blow he has trouble properly processing it. He doesn't look like he's there, in a sense. For a moment he's completely elsewhere. Even when he starts driving he doesn't look right to me.

Welp, that's it! If you had read this all congrats to you, and thank you. Also, I apologize for any spelling mistakes LOL.

Tell me what you think! :)

[zero-is-nebulous]

Uuuh here's my art dump for the reverse omens au I made

I can't remember which artist came up with the moth demon Aziraphale but credit goes to them, I just liked it and decided to run with it (I'll see If I can find them to drop a name sometime l8r)

Text ver under the cut

Aziraphale - really a quite terrible demon (original temptor)

Moth broach

Walking stick

Same outfit p much

Hair pattern silly

Majic man style coat

Eyes...

Moth antenna

Raphael - bored Archangel, human expert and healer (Crowley)

Outcast Archangel

Azi's pocket watch

Moth pendant

Devious smirk

How 2 draw skinny jeans?

Shoes...

Snake tattoo

(Text pages at the end, typed out below)

The story goes like this...

Aziraphale, thinking that keeping the diffrent between right/wrong from life is silly. He believes it's the right thing to do to introduce it to the humans. He is past looking to the all-mighty for morality, and really just does what he thinks is right. He disguises himself as an angel to offer the fruit to Adam + eve, and then discorporates the angel of the Eastern gate (unnamed angel, soon to be demoted for being bested so easily) to give the humans their flaming sword. He watches them go from the top of the Eastern gate, now non-disguised

Archangel Raphael is bored, hating how heaven is run but not wanting to ask questions after the fall of their last 'example'. He loves his stars, and wishes the world would be as interesting as them. He often visits the garden, so he sees Aziraphale on the wall and, bored, goes to be nosey

Crowley: the principality for this post taking a break?

Aziraphale: looks it, doesn't it? Whoever they were, they did quite an awful job. The humans are already a mile beyond the wall. Perhaps heaven is doing it all wrong then, hm?

It turns out, demons are quite talkative. And interesting

Crowley: hm, so you're saying you don't know what happened here?

Aziraphale: not a single clue. I suppose that's to be expected though, no?

Crowley: oh? What makes you say that?

Aziraphale: well, it's as she said. I'm not quite meant to ask questions. Her plan is ineffable, after all

Crowley: ineffable?

Aziraphale: quite. Silly, isn't it?

Crowley: I never said a thing, uh,

Aziraphale: Aziraphale

Crowley: Aziraphale

Crowley: how tf did u get captured by the Spanish inquisition?

(Dressed 2 the nines)

Crowley: I'm gonna myrical u outa this bc I have a heavenly duty but let it be known I think you're one of the dumbest motherfuckers I have ever met

Aziraphale: teehee

(No longer a fashion icon)

Crowley: dramatic ass demon

Sorry this is so terribly layed out tumblr kept changing it after I posted

[averageanonymous]

Summary: The new Grand Duke of Hell has requested an Audience with the recently appointed Supreme Archangel.

This is somewhat of a sequel to This Post/Ficlet. It doesn't need to be read in order though. More info at the end.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“The Grand Duke of Hell has requested an audience,” Uriel says, just short of a sneer, as he enters Aziraphale’s ‘office’. (Of course, it isn’t really an office. Just a desk in a secluded corner of heaven. Gabriel hadn't even had a desk, apparently. Aziraphale had insisted on one.) He tosses a folder in front of him. 

“Always nice to see you, Uriel,” Aziraphale greets his fellow archangel without looking up from the documents he is working on, pointedly ignoring the not-remotely-subtle roll of Uriel's eyes. “You said an audience with the Grand Duke? Somewhat irregular…but in light of recent developments, I suppose an audience isn't unjustified.” 

“Mm,” Uriel turns to leave, barely pausing to throw over his shoulder, “First floor boardroom, five minutes.” 

Aziraphale looks up sharply, sputtering, “Five minutes!?” But the other angel is already too far away to bother answering, if he even heard at all. Aziraphale shuffles his papers together in a rush and places them in a desk drawer before gathering up the folder left by Uriel and starting quickly towards the lift. 

Honestly, he thinks as the lift door opens, I don't expect them to like the situation, but this is ridiculous. He steps in and presses the button to take him to the first floor. It's as close to “neutral” as exists in the building shared by Heaven and Hell with the exception of the lobby.

As the lift begins the long drop down, he flips open the folder and scans through the pages. They’re basic audience request forms, followed by a contractual agreement to refrain from all hostilities including but not limited to maiming, dismembering, beheading and spontaneous combustion. The section on the request form where it's meant to indicate the reason for the meeting has been left blank. Aziraphale checks the signatures, but doesn't recognize a name in the messy scrawl. 

He assumes that Shax took up the role of Grand Duke. She seemed quite ambitious… though perhaps she would have taken on Dagon’s responsibilities on the Dark Council and the Lord of the Files would have moved into the coveted position. Either way, it didn't make much difference which demon was in the seat. They were all cut from the same cloth. 

Something in him twists at that thought. Not all, he amends. There were exceptions to every rule. 

As the lift approaches the first floor, he straightens his bowtie, adjusts his coat, rolls his shoulders back. He lets just a little bit of Heaven's Grace shine in his skin, not too much, but enough to remind whoever it is he is meeting just who it is they're dealing with. He's not just an angel who spent most of his years on earth. He's not the Angel of the Eastern Gate of Eden. He's no Cherubim or Principality. He is The Supreme Archangel of Heaven. With that, the lift doors open.

A hall with several gray doors greets him. The gray tile floor is accented by intricate patterns of black and white. At the end of the hall, the largest door is flanked by angelic guards on one side, and a pair of mid-level demons on the other. Standard procedure for any officially sanctioned meeting of the representatives of Heaven and Hell. 

Aziraphale approaches the door quickly. His internal clock indicates that he is three minutes late. He tells himself that there's nothing wrong with making Hell wait a few minutes, though. After all, with how they run things Downstairs, waiting is surely quite familiar to them. 

With a nod to the angels, who respectfully nod in return (at least the lower angelic ranks don't seem to hold the same ire towards him as the upper ranks), Aziraphale pushes open the door and enters the room- 

His heart literally stops beating, the physical functions of his corporation all stalling as his mind freezes, attempts to re-process what he is seeing, and fails miserably. There must be a mistake, or someone is playing a great bloody joke, or SOME other explanation that makes who is seated before him, lounging at the head of the table with his legs up like he owns the place, make sense. 

It doesn't make sense. It can’t make sense. 

Aziraphale finally finds it in him to choke out, “Crowley??”  

“Don't think I've ever seen you so speechless, angel,” Crowley drawls, uncrossing his ankles and uncoiling from his chair, every bit the Serpent. “Something got your feathers in a twist?” 

Aziraphale tries to take in the demon as he steps around the table. There's so much to take in, though, that Aziraphale finds it difficult to even look at him. He forces himself to anyway. His gaze is immediately drawn to Crowley’s wings in their full manifestation. Even folded tightly against his back, they're huge and lustrous, shining like polished obsidian. It’s clearly a statement. And so is the rest of his appearance. He has a black metal circlet on his head, two curling horns giving the illusion of Crowley himself having horns. His dark red hair is longer than it has been in years, curling around his shoulders. Aziraphale can see black snake skin on the sides of his neck, disappearing under the collar of his shirt and reappearing on the back of his hands. And at the ends of his fingers he's got claws, for Heaven's sake. His gaze travels back to Crowley's face, to his eyes, hidden behind his usual dark lenses, and then, unbidden, to his lips. His eyes snap down, but he knows Crowley saw. 

He inhales shakily, trying to gather himself. Memories of the last time they were together are themselves almost a physical blow. Aziraphale can recall with perfect clarity the feel of those lips pressed to his. He can remember the array of unfamiliar sensations and emotions it elicited. 

Aziraphale finally steels himself and looks back up at Crowley, Grand Duke of Hell. 

“I know we didn’t leave things on the best of terms, but whatever it is you think you're playing at, this isn't funny,” Aziraphale finally snaps at him, dropping the file on the table. 

“Not meant to be,” Crowley shrugs, “I saw an opportunity, and I took it.” 

“After everything you said to me about- about not rejoining their side-” 

“I'm a demon,” Crowley cuts him off. “I lied.” 

Aziraphale purses his lips. “So that's how it is,” he says, not sure where this leaves them. 

“That's how it is,” Crowley agrees. He claps his hands together, “Right. Now that's out of the way. I didn't come here just to shock you, Supreme Archangel. There's things that need to be discussed. Now this Second Coming nonsense your lot have cooked up -” 

Aziraphale shakes his head and holds up his hands, confusion and betrayal warring within him, “Crowley, you can't expect me to play this charade with you.”

“Not a charade, angel,” Crowley corrects him. 

Aziraphale huffs in frustration and steps closer, eyes darting to the sides of the room as though the walls are listening, and says with quiet vehemence, “Oh, really? You’re the actual Grand Duke of Hell, and you think that we can, what?”

“Work together. Obviously,” Crowley hisses back in a stage whisper, “You and me against the forces of Heaven and Hell, working towards the common good of humanity.” 

“Oh, Crowley,” Aziraphale sighs, “You know it isn’t that simple.” 

“It can be,” Crowley says, taking a step towards Aziraphale. They’re close now, close enough to touch. Crowley hesitantly reaches across the space between them. When Aziraphale doesn't pull back, he tentatively curls his pinky around Aziraphale’s. Aziraphale looks down at their hands, joined by that smallest touch, and feels his heart beating a quick rhythm in his chest.

“You and me, angel,” Crowley says again, his voice sure. The mockery is gone now, the act vanished. Beneath the gaudy costume he is simply himself. Crowley continues seriously, “We have an opportunity here. You at the top of your totem pole, me at the top of mine. What do you say?” 

Aziraphale meets his gaze. 

For the first time since before the Metatron came to his shop, Aziraphale feels…

Hope.

He curls his pinky around Crowley’s in return, their fingers linked in a promise.   

“Where do we start?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Thank you for reading! This (even more so than its prequel ficlet) is essentially a first-draft mini-scene from a multi-chapter fic that I'll likely never write in entirety. I figure I can let them gather dust on my computer, WIPs dead in the water, or I can release them to the internet. I'd rather let them be free. But hey, maybe someday I'll write enough of them to string together into an actual story.

[ineffably-human]

He doesn't say 'I forgive you' because he thinks a demon is trying to corrupt him.

He doesn't say 'I forgive you' because Crowley loves him and something about that (or about Crowley) is inherently dirty.

Crowley thinks angels and demons seem pointless, and would love nothing more than to do what Beelzebub and Gabriel do, running off together and leaving the whole mess to sort themselves out. But Aziraphale still believes in what he thinks being an angel should be.

He's expanded that definition to allow more gray and has come around to thinking that he and Crowley, and not the people running things, have the right of it. But he believes in goodness and enjoys doing good for others. He wants to show that goodness off and be proud of it. He's happy to be (seemingly) shown by Metatron that he can do all the things that make him a 'bad angel' and not only be a good angel, but an exemplary one.

Aziraphale wanting to restore Crowley isn't to fix Crowley, it's to fix Heaven. He thinks that the right person in charge can still fix a horrific mistake that was made thousands of years ago, whoever made it, why-ever it was made. He doesn't want that power, but he does want that chance, for Crowley, for both their sakes and their safety. Aziraphale repeatedly says he wants and needs Crowley with him.

To him, Crowley has rejected that. To him, Crowley has cranked up the speed to impossible levels, with an overwhelming passion, to convince Aziraphale to leave behind a big part of his identity just for him.

Aziraphale is hearing: 'Here are all the feelings we've both always wanted to express. But you have to come with me. You have to leave everything else behind, because it's a mess and it's not important. All that matters is us. And if you can't agree to that, then 'us' can't happen.'

That is what Aziraphale forgives him for.

[thedemonknownasbilly]

Nephilim - Chapter One

Master List

Ineffable Dads AU || Crowley and Aziraphale are already married

Warnings: child abandonment

Word Count: 1k

Disclaimers: Nephilims are typically human/angel descent, but this will be my own take. Arden is AFAB non-binary, the picture I’ve used to depict them is exactly what Crowley found them in, hence his original assumption.

“Okay, okay, Angel just wait for me to get there, I can tell you’re excited about this, which usually means talking until one of our phones dies, so just give me fifteen and I’ll be there.” Crowley spoke into his phone, grabbing his jacket and shrugging it on as he went out to Bentley.

“Okay, okay, if I haven’t popped by then.” Aziraphale chuckled on the other end of the line.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Crowley shook his head and hung up, a fond smile playing at his lips as he started up his beloved car, pulling out of the drive of his flat.

“The hell?” He murmured minutes later, passing by the park as he always did, but this time he noticed a child sitting right by the fence, seemingly just watching cars, but their mismatched eyes landed on the Bentley and it seemed to throw them into a fit of giggles. “Looks like you have an admirer.” Crowley said to his car, pulling to the side and quickly getting out and across the road.

“Hey, kid; where’s mum and dad?” He asked, hoping they were old enough to understand him and talk, he never could tell with humans. But the kid, a girl he figured out from her long hair and pink dress, simply raised her arms up to him. “Oh, dear.” He said, an eyebrow cocked as he picked her up. “What’s your name?”

“Arden!” She laughed, her small hand lightly patting his tattoo, and he couldn’t help to smile as he settled her onto his hip and began to walk around, looking for anyone missing a child. But as the sun set, and people began to leave, nobody came up to claim Arden.

“Okay, well, d’you like books?” He was answered by aggressively fast nodding. “Message received.” He chuckled, keeping her from falling out of his arms as he walked back to the Bentley, miracling a car seat into the back of the Bentley and strapping her in. “Whoever invented these ridiculous buttons better be in the farthest corner of Hell.” He grumbled, but smiling when Arden just nodded and affirmed his thought. “Clever thing.” He praised before closing the door and getting into the front seat. Hopefully Aziraphale hadn’t burst in the time Crowley took.

“Crowley! There you are!” Aziraphale called out when he heard the door open.

“Hey, Aziraphale! Sorry, I found this little girl-” Crowley was cut off by two hands grabbing his cheeks, Aziraphale watching curiously.

“No!” Arden said, “notta girl.”

“Boy?” Crowley asked, watching as they shook their head.

“Neither?” That earned him a squeal of delight and another round of aggressive nodding.

“Arden, you’re gonna fall, stop that.” He fussed lightly, fixing his hold on them. “Okay, I found this kid at the park up the road, waited until all the parents left before I did, no one came up to claim them.” He said to Aziraphale who was trying to coax Arden into his arms, his eyes full of love and awe as they settled onto him.

“I’m sure there will be an alert in a few hours, a tired parent probably didn’t notice you had them.” He said, stroking their light brown hair from their eyes. “Oh, Crowley look, such pretty eyes.”

“Almost like ours.”

“Yes, almost. Are you hungry, sweet thing, er, what was your name.”

“Arden!” They giggled, wiggling to try and get down, done with being held and taking off in a sprint to the small children’s section Aziraphale had.

“No running please!”

“Oh yeah, nearly gave themselves a concussion when I asked if they liked books, you saw how they nod, full body nod, I swear.”

“Indeed, appropriately hyper it seems.” Aziraphale chuckled, “Arden, how old are you sweetie?”

“Five and a half!” They called, arms full of books as they made way to Aziraphale’s desk.

“Oh, look at that, they’re basically you.” Crowley teased, going over to Arden and picking them up to put them into the chair since they weren’t letting go of any books any time soon.

Aziraphale chuckled and went upstairs to see what it was he had that a five year old could eat. “Crowley, I’m not sure I have any food that is best for their age.” He called down.

“What about Nina’s, I’m sure she’s got something.” Crowley called out, sitting next to Arden so he could keep an eye on her, and Aziraphale’s beloved books.

“Perhaps, I will run over and ask!”

“I like him!” Arden exclaimed happily when Aziraphale had left.

“Yeah? Me too,” Crowley felt his heart swelling with love, miracling a hairbrush into his hand. “Is it okay if I brush your hair? It seems the wind messed it up.”

“Mhm!” Arden hummed, “gently please.” Crowley nodded, carefully making sure not to tug their hair as he brushed it, apologizing each time he had to pull a little hard.

“I’m back! Nina had some chicken nuggets and a box of mac and cheese. Does that sound good Arden?”

“Yes sir!” They giggled, looking up to Aziraphale, who smiled as he looked at Crowley and the child, Arden perched in his desk chair, Crowley sitting besides them, slender fingers working a brush into their hair gently as they read over Little Monsters by David Williams.

With a quick ruffle of Arden’s hair, not messing it up terribly, and a kiss to Crowley, Aziraphale went back upstairs to his flat, beginning to cook dinner, sending Crowley a text when it was ready.

“Alright little duck,” Crowley said, standing with a stretch before he picked them up. “Dinner’s ready for you.” He carefully brought them up the stairs and into the quaint dining room. Sitting them down in front of the food and going to stand by Aziraphale’s side.

“No alerts on my phone.”

“None on mine… you don’t think,” Aziraphale left the last part unsaid, not wanting to think it true.

“If they did, I’ll drag them down to Hell myself. They’re too pure, didn’t really acknowledge me when I asked where mum and dad were.”

“Perhaps it’s not mum and dad? Maybe some other relatives?” Aziraphale tried to give the benefit of doubt.

“Still hardly excuses the lack of an alert, it’s been three hours.” Crowley frowned. “Are you okay with them sleeping here or should I bring them to my flat?”

“You both can stay here,” the angel said simply, holding Crowley’s hand, “you know I adore your company, and Arden is perfectly welcome as long as they need to be.”

[aziraphales-library]

Hi there! Do you have any fake relationship ineffable husbands fics? I know that's a bit vague, but I'm not quite sure where to start.

Hello! You can start with out plentiful #fake/pretend relationship tag. Here are more fics to add to the overflowing collection...

Rent-A-Boyfriend by Caedmon (G)

Crowley has been harboring a massive crush on Mr. Fell, the man who comes into his shop once a week to buy flowers, for months. They always make a little conversation, and the exchange leaves Crowley charged for the whole week. But this week, when Mr. Fell asks Crowley what he's doing this weekend, Crowley admits that his twentieth high school reunion is coming up - and, in a fit of daring, he asks Mr. Fell to go with him. Then he offers to pay Mr. Fell to go with him.

Secret Affairs by angelsnuffbox (T)

“What’re you even doing still up? Aren’t you getting married tomorrow?” Crowley enquired. Suspicion wove itself into his tone. “One would think that you’d wish to be fully awake for something like that.”

In response, Aziraphale pursed his lips and mumbled.

“Aziraphale…” came the familiar admonishing voice that curled annoyance down the pit of his stomach. “Mind telling me what you’re doing?”

Aziraphale scowled at his boots. “M’running ‘way.”

“You’re what?”

“I am running away!” he blurted out. “Lord Helston is an insufferable man whose very presence wears my patience to a sheet!”

-

Written for the prompt "regency fake relationship"

Cravings by EdosianOrchids901 (T)

When Aziraphale’s holiday plans are in jeopardy, Crowley suggests a solution. If the event is only open to married couples, they’ll just pretend to be married! What could possibly go wrong?

Side Mission by KannaOphelia (T)

Some time after Warlock's ninth birthday, Aziraphale and Crowley have realised they made a mistake, and tracked the real Antichrist down to Tadfield. Two years to save the world is more than enough, right?

Except everyone keeps assuming they are a married couple, and it's almost too much for a hopelessly in love demon to bear. Especially when Aziraphale suggests they might as well go along with it.

Of Size and other Matters by LCwrites (E)

When Crowley gets a random text from an unknown number, he thinks it must be a joke at first. Turns out it's by a rather amusing stranger who might have an interesting matter at hand.

Aziraphale just wants to get an upcoming function over with and not have people trying to set him up with anyone. At least whoever accidentally received his message seems to take the mishap with humour.

A Model Guardian by Fuuma_san (E)

Crowley is a self-sufficient model on the verge of stardom. They clawed their way up all by themselves and the very last thing they want is some cream puff bodyguard their agency hired following them around constantly. Pretending to be their boyfriend at work so they don't get a reputation as a Diva. Watching over them. Caring for them.

But then it turns out "Fell" was not even his real name. Was it all fake? Would someone like him ever want someone like them?

- Mod D

[actual-changeling]

when gabriel/jim (jabriel?? gim?????) talks about his "one particular person", aziraphale's smile is such a blink and you will miss it moment but so incredibly precious and we don't pay enough attention to it.

so, welcome to another round of alex's unhinged meta corner where i over-analyse micro expressions while losing some more braincells.

firstly, here's a clip of that scene just so we are all on the same page since i don't know how much time everyone else spends watching that show. don't ask me it's probably at least 6 hours a day at this point

what i want to focus on is aziraphale's reaction to jabriel's words right after "person". did i slow the clip down and then go through it frame by frame to get the following screencaps? yes. yes i did.

there are two parts to this, the spaced-out smile and then his shock/fear. also before we start can i just say how fucking insane whoever made the trailer was for putting the 1941 dinner scene RIGHT THERE??? with THAT expression??????? yeah. no. i need therapy for that alone.

anyway.

while he is talking, aziraphale is looking at jabriel the entire time, but honestly, i don't think he is actually seeing him, he's neck-deep in his memories of crowley. he as that sparkle in his eyes he tends to get around crowley/looking at crowley and that smile appears rather slowly (or as slow as something can be while lasting less than a second).

personally, i'd call that expression "completely and utterly in love" or besotted if you wanna keep it simple. a content little smile meant for no one except himself, the kinda look he probably wears in private while calling crowley to ask him to come hang out. aziraphale loves him and in this short moment, he knows it - and so do we.

when jabriel (preferable over gim, in my opinion) trails off, aziraphale remembers that hey, wait a minute. that's my boss. that's the archangel fucking gabriel. he can't know about me and crowley.

at this point, neither we nor he know what exactly is up with jabriel, so there is a very real danger that everything aziraphale says or shows will be reported back to heaven. the shock sets in, the smile disappear and aziraphale falls from cloud 9 (pun intended) and lands face first back on earth.

while aziraphale does not have crowley's memory of what exactly went down in heaven when they tried to burn him to a crisp, he has always been incredibly anxious around gabriel and the other archangel. he is fidgeting, unable to stand still or even keep his gaze from flicking around. the only moment he calms is, you guessed it, when he is zoned out and thinking of crowley.

the very real fear that settles on his face is not just about himself, it is mostly about crowley. if heaven knows, hell will, too. everyone knows about the back channels, most just try and keep up plausible deniability. the fact that it is michael who seems to be directly in contact with hell for the most part and not gabriel is worthy of its own post at some point.

another thing worth mentioning is that aziraphale is so afraid, in fact, that he physically backs away from jabriel and gets as much distance between them as possible. jabriel looks like a lost toddler, very non-threatening, but the trauma runs so deep that it does not matter how much of a danger he really is right now. he has been a constant threat for over six thousand years, you cannot deconstruct your view of a person, especially your boss, that quickly. not even if they turn up with total amnesia on your doorstep. naked.

this was less unhinged than some of my other posts but i think this is a moment that gets overlooked a lot. at least i haven't seen anyone talking about it yet since we are all understandably focused on the ending of episode 6.

[1braincell4rent]

Welcome, my dear humans to this... rambling?

Yes, I think that´s probably it. I´m just going to analise the Good Omens Season 2 Opening, talk about a few things that caught my attention, do some innacurate predictions and probably make more questions that are not gonna be solved (not even when the season actually gets released).

That being said, I apologise for tha will I´m about to write. But I had nowhere else to write it, so bear with me, okay?

Okay, we begin with a sequence pretty similar to the opening for the first season. Where´s this? I wonder.

But there´s two things that inmediately caught my attention, as Crowley and Aziraphale begin their particular procession across the fields.

The first one, there´s a person walking with a box on their hands. That same box has a couple of arrows signaling upwards and I can tell it´s also the same symbol we saw on at least one of the promotional posters of GO S2. So it´s probably the thing Gabriel had to deliver, if we go with theories plus what was said in the sneak peeks.

The second thing here... Why are here so many goats? Is this a hell reference?

So now we set the goats on fire because why not, and there´s a building on the top right that gives me ancient roman vibes (nevermind me guys, the clear thing here is that we´re soon all going to hell and more people will join the charade).

We keep going to a cementery now with people following the angel and demon and there´s a few tombstones with eyecatching things written on them.

"Jane Austen", says in one and I wonder why.

"Here lies the former shell of Beelzebub", in another (which clearly makes reference to the fact they changed the actress for that part).

"Everyday", in reference to the song.

And also "Here lies Adam"...

Wait, Adam? What the actual f-

Anyway, so now they finally descend to hell and I can just tell by the chair and computer set in there what whoever has that administrative job is not getting paid enough for this shit.

Back up in the Earth I´m finally able to spot Muriel (sorry guys, I´m real shit to spot characters in these things) and we´re clearly in the middle of World War II, as you can see by the Winston Churchill signs and all the destructive ambience very fit for that historical period.

Now, what I wanted to talk about was the movie that´s being announced, "Stairway to Heaven". I´m going to leave down here the summary because I think it might be interesting:

"Returning to England from a bombing run in May 1945, pilot Peter Carter's plane is damaged and his parachute ripped to shreds. He has his crew bail out safely, but figures it is curtains for himself. He gets on the radio, and talks to June, a young American woman working for the U.S. Army Air Forces, and they are quite moved by each other's voices. Then he jumps, preferring this to burning up with his plane. He wakes up in the surf. It was his time to die, but there was a mix-up in heaven. They couldn't find him in all that fog. By the time his "Conductor" catches up with him twenty hours later, Peter and June have met and fallen in love. This changes everything, and since it happened through no fault of his own, Peter figures that heaven owes him a second chance. Heaven agrees to a trial to decide his fate."

So we got a miracle, a romance and heaven and hell involved in conflict... Does it sound familiar to you?

As we keep walking rabbits start to fall from the sky and I feel as we approach the theater the time has come for Aziraphale to do his so much awaited magic show.

So, there´s a few things to point out here as well.

For starters, the posters of The Ladies of Camelot (that I´m guessing are the showgirls), those same ladies joining the procession and... have you noticed this is the first time in these openings where Aziraphale is not walking with Crowley but joining him later at the stage, dressed as magician?

And so here goes one of my crazy theories: what if the scene in the trailer where we see Aziraphale surprised at the theatre is because he´s surprised Crowley arrived? Surely we also see a whadow before him and it could also be something completely different and scary... But then again, if what Aziraphale is seeing at that second is real bad stuff, why are the showgirls in the background looking amused?

The theater curtain opens and we get this scene when, again for the first time, Crowley and Aziraphale fly together. Like, literally together, not one after the other as until now.

Wasn´t Crowley proposing to run away to another galaxy together last season? (ah, of course they´re not going to do that now, they got things to do on Earth).

But I´m hopeful we can see where these people were before the beginning of times, before the Eden, when Crowley was still an angel and helped creating galaxies. I read somewhere a theorie that he might be Raphael or (and I thing this is more plausible) someone close to Raphael. So yes, we´ll see where this goes...

Back on Earth we can see Crowley and Aziraphale sitting together on the bookshop roof and, have I mentioned since the space thingy now are raining hearts? What is this? And who was the genius who thought putting "Give me coffee or give me death" to a coffee shop was a good idea? (ah, we all know this and we love Neil for it, just saying).

Anyway, I´m so glad to see the Bentley again. And all those discs... Will it be so important the constant repetition of the song Everyday? Why? And had it something to do with the fact Crowley´s car has a similar problem and no matter what CD he puts it always plays a Queen song?

People´s announcing the "Second Coming" which could very well be a reference of Season 2 and we don´t need to panic yet.

But there´s a lot of elevators here, with angels inside, so we can fairly guess it´s time to go to heaven (and it´ll probably be the last stop).

But before that, and notice that no one in this procession uses an elevator, they get to this cinema where "The Arrival" is screening.

Could it be a reference of the movie of the same title or just a hint because the first episode of this season is titled like that? I´m gonna go for this last theorie, because it makes more sense to me.

The same symbol (arrows pointing upwards) that were in Gabriel´s box are now here in the screen...

Finally, all these people get to heaven not by the usual system (the elevators) but by some stairs and under it there´s a lot of stuff piled that I´m not going to analise because I basically blind at this point (my fault, don´t cancel me).

Can I guess here there´ll be more conspiracies with heaven involved?

[nottobehornyonthemain]

We all know by now that Crowley wasn’t aware that Aziraphale dances, even though it’s directly against the characteristics of an angel to do so. (Interestingly enough, the one distinction the narrator (ie. God) makes about what separates Crowley from other demons is the fact that he has an Imagination.) This is narratively great when you’re trying to make a point about how they don’t really communicate properly, but you know what I haven’t seen anyone bring up that Aziraphale doesn’t know about Crowley?

During The Apocalypse That Wasn’t, even as he’s planning where to run off to to avoid the destruction of the world, Crowley has a little monologue, which is runs without any input from the narrator (ie. God).

“I only ever asked questions. That’s all it took to be a demon in the old days.

Great Plan? God, you listening? Show me a Great Plan.

Okay, I know you’re testing them, you said you were going to be testing them. You shouldn’t test them to destruction. Not to the end of the world.”

6,000 years after he was cast out from Heaven, Crowley is a demon who still *prays* in dire times.

(I already made this post about Aziraphale and his idea of being shown The Plan if you want to check that out.)

But Aziraphale doesn’t know Crowley has ever asked to be shown The Plan. He doesn’t know of the only request we know Crowley has made of the Almighty since the Fall.

Crowley asked that humanity not be tested to destruction, that the world not end, and that he be shown The Plan. Two of those three things were granted that day.

Aziraphale doesn’t know that, and he still assumed that Crowley would want to be an angel again if the opportunity was offered, because that this was The Plan after all, it could work out if you were just willing to trust. Aziraphale assumed that when push comes to shove, Crowley would be willing to believe in The Plan, or God, or Aziraphale, or whoever.

But Crowley does have faith, he believes in all three of those things in wildly different amounts, that’s not his problem. He just also knows the difference between Good and Evil, and he understands that God didn’t just make Good.

Aziraphale isn’t wrong for thinking that Crowley wants to make good things happen, that, if necessary, Crowley would rather come crawling back to God to beg on his belly than let the world end over his own pride.

But Crowley has watched as Heaven tried to kill his best friend. Crowley has watched as Heaven tried to end the world, then punish and hunt the only person willing to say “nah”. Crowley knows that God, Heaven, and Good, are three very different things.

Aziraphale isn’t wrong that the offer to change things for the better, even if it means working with Heaven, is something Crowley wants.

Crowley isn’t wrong for thinking that isn’t possible.