#or atleast the antisocial one

[your-neighbourhood-antisocial]

We were going somewhere (it's a long journey) and when I was packing a book to read on the way my mother told me not to bc apparently "I'm trying to show-off in front of my family and I js pretend that I'm smart" Can someone kill me already I read books all the time and I get nice grades like whenever we have tests at school I atleast get the highest marks in a subject or two

[droaxa]

awe yandere nerd is so cute!! i wonder how someone who acts oppositely to them would act as a yandere.

-🎀 anon

ooh you’re so right 🎀 anon, a yandere jock or popular kid would be interesting.. so here u are!

✧ yandere jock x reader

yandere jock who is one of the most popular guys at your university, everyone knows him. he plays basketball and is so charming that girls (and guys!) can't help but want to be around him, his handsome features totally help too.

yandere jock who you'd had some classes with in your freshman year. however, you hadn't seen him after that and forgot about him. but he couldn't forget about you

yandere jock who actually didn’t like you when he first met you, he thought you were too much of a doormat. he assumed off your quiet nature and antisocial tendencies that you couldn’t stand up for yourself or make your own decisions. and boy was he wrong

yandere jock who stumbles into you after class, well not really cause you hadn’t seen him yet. he watches a girl say somthing and shove you by your shoulder and he mentally scoffs ‘she gets bullied too? we’re in university i thought she’d grow a backbone by now’

yandere jock who is flabbergasted when you punch the girl straight in her face, she stumbles back, shocked, and curses you before running out the door and past yandere jock

yandere jock who is intrigued by your personality, so this is who you actually were. he tries to get closer to you: sitting beside you in lectures, talking to you after class, but just seem to hate him. often shutting down interactions or using the excuse that you’re busy to get away.

yandere jock who is frustrated but still dedicated, atleast until that semester ended. he’s annoyed because he never sees you anymore, and now that you didn’t have a shared class it’s even harder to catch you.

yandere jock who has you on his mind for the next two years, trying to make conversation with you whenever you saw he saw you. but the confused expression on your face said it all, your forgotten who he was.

yandere jock who’s fucking pissed, he spent two years thinking about you and you don’t even remember who he is? he makes it his life goal to make himself relevant to you. even if his ways were a bit.. unorthodox.

yandere jock who starts to pick on you, pushing you in the halls and spreading rumors about you. you’re confused, what did you even do to him? when you ask him, he just responds with “do i need a reason to?” with a tight grin.

quiet you who is now pissed. who did he think he was? a fucking gift from god that could do anything he wanted? you responds back with shoulder checking him in the hallways and pretending that he was bullying you and other students to the professors (well he kind of was wasn’t he?).

yandere jock who is mildly surprised, wow he knew you could fight back but this was different. he was flustered, you put all this effort into him?

yandere jock who retaliates with something a bit more extreme than you would’ve anticipated, he manages to convince one of the teachers that you cheated on a important test. the end of the year exam.

quiet you who is frustrated and angry, you’d worked your ass off to get that 95% and now he does this? oh it’s over for him

yandere jock who gets expelled from the university a week later. the reason? illegal drugs were found in his sports locker, not only was this against the school code but it put the basketball team at risk.

quiet you who pretends to not know anything, smirking as you get back into your study grind

yandere jock who decides that you need to be taught a lesson, although he’s not allowed on campus anymore, the girls dorms are in the edge of campus.

you wake up in the dark, what time was it? oh, just 2 am. you try to go back to sleep and hear some fabric rustling and you freeze. in the moonlit darkness of your room you can vaguely make out a shadowy figure at the foot of your bed.

your eyes widen and before you can scream or react, the figure leaps up and slams a rough hand over your mouth while keeping your body down with his own weight.

just as he leans over you, you make out his face as the moonlights from your window hits it. a strong face with messy hair you’d seen many times before. you didn’t think you’d see him again.

he grins manically, “you thought you could mess with me, forget about me and get away with it?” his voice breathy, like he was about to break into laughter at any moment.

you shake your head desperately no, tears form in your eyes as you register what’s going to happen to you.

he pressed you deeper into your pillow, your tears now running down your face and his hand. he then leans down to lick your salty tears off his hands and then your soft cheeks.

“fuck, i’ll make you understand why you shouldn’t forget about me”

[cottonconnielvr]

omg can you do connie or ony with a loser/geeky girlfriend? like she spends most of her time in her room reading, hyperfixating on weird things, and she barely has any friends.😭😭 you can add nsfw if u want <333

i actually love this and ony would most def have a gf like this

✩

you’re his lil “antisocial pookie bear” (he called you that)

he loves how whenever he’s telling you about his friends or something connie did he always has to remind who he’s talking about

like he’s gonna gatekeep you all the way

when his friends find ur socials he lowk salty

he doesn’t mind keeping you a lil secret

he still rejects every girl that comes up to him and makes it very known that he has a gf but when people ask where she at “Not yo business lil bro”

He prefers to keep you out of all his problems.

You like your drama free life and the moment you pop out with him he just knows every nigga gonna want you all of a sudden and girls are gonna start drama 🧍🏽‍♀️

You’re fine as hell so he expects it

He’ll post pics on social media tho with both of your faces covered (who doesn’t love a secret relationship)

You stay at home most of the time so Ony’s always coming over to keep you company

He’s really your bestfriend tho

You have a couple online friends but that’s it

He’ll binge watch any new anime or movie series you’re obsessing over

There was a time where you were hyperfixating over food plushies and anytime Ony was out at the store he’d always get you one

Ofc his friends always ask him why he’s buying weird looking mugs or plushies “Stay out my business”

( that’s just ony. stay out his business.)

He’d also go to Barnes & Nobles with you, buying you all the new books you want

His favorite thing to do with you is lay down and cuddle while you read to him (healing his inner child fr)

Now, he likes to be a sub to you. Or atleast a switch

You just drive him so crazy like he wants to eat you alive you’re so cute and quiet and-

He’s lowkey shocked to find out you a lil horny freak fuck (you be reading too much smut. yeah i know you do)

You gave him kinks he never knew he had

“F-fuck baby” Ony groaned out as you glided your tongue on the underside of his dick. Your previous orgasms coating him all over. You can hear the metal of his handcuffs clinking. “Stay still” You taunt him, taking him fully in your mouth. You can hear him wince and his thighs shake. “M’cumming” He mutters out. Your eyes widen in shock as you feel his cum shoot down your throat, fuck already?

[sleepless-winter-nights]

Since I am ranting, let me rant some more. Just know that these are just MY opinion.

So Rina Kent can't for the love of God write a good healthy family dynamics. And if there were some good families it was later ruined.

Was that necessary, how come in the whole rinaverse there is not one single happy family.

Ok, Astor, Nash, volkov and knight family had some great family dynamics but what about the rest?

1. The king family is the definition of messy which was absolutely unnecessary. And what actually bugs me is that in the WHOLE verse we didn't even get the king family together, like whole family as a set. Not one goddamn scene. Atleast the cousins should have been together but nope.

We didn't even get one scene with the whole king family nor with the king children.

2. Sokolov- Carson had some good dynamics and although there were indeed one or two scenes which were cute but later even that got ruined. For the love of God why???

3. None of the siblings have good dynamics. ( I know I have said this before and I will say it again) even the older generation too. They were bland af. Rina clearly doesn't know how siblings work or interact and how a normal healthy family works.

4. My biggest pet peeve is that if you want a character with spectrum then write it properly after some research. Don't just throw the terms. It was said Lan, Killian and Eli are Psycopaths with antisocial tendencies then show it, unfortunately it wasn't the case and most of them were being narcissist ( sorry not sorry to all the Killian, Landon and Eli fans but it's the truth)

5. Same with selective mutism of Mia and addressing mental health issues with Bran. Address it properly because I know for a fact that selective mutism doesn't work that way and depression runs more deep especially for someone who self harms themselves and is a survivor of assault.

6. Why is it always the women with some issues and somehow male leads come and magically make it all right? How and why? Why is that males are always God level talented and females struggle a lot.

7. Not one scene of Johnathan with his grandkids altogether. Not one scene of Eli, Criegh, Lan, Bran and Glyn together. Not one scene of Eli being a good protective older to any of siblings when it was stated that he used to protect all of them. No, nothing at all. Why mention it then.

7. Also, can someone pls tell rina that having a female lead with hell number of issues and a red flag wannabe psycho male lead together doesn't make a dark romance.

Yup, These are just some of the issues I have with the author. Yes, I have a lot more too but that will be another day.

But seriously Rina needs to put more work into writing and not just write for the sake of writing.

That's all for now ( you can also avoid this)

[moon-0f-m4rs]

Mercs with a borrower friendo :3

(this is my 1st time writing anything so ummmmm...... hiii)

Scout

Yaps, yaps and yaps more,, and ya gotta bear it. Like, whenever he was annoying anyone else in the team, they'd just walk away or get him to get away. But now,, cant do nothing about it. At first he definitely took advantage of it, but over time i feel like he'd pay a bit more mind to not being too insufferable. Also, therapy sessions every now nd then. Man needs a bit comfort even if he can't admit it. Hes not that bad when it comes to handling, can be gentle, but also sometimes can get a bit too careless. Oh but he teases alot, alooot. Would get u snacks, but never try bonk..... u'll explode 😓😓

Solider

Before even getting found out by him, you had to have a tiny american flag in ur bag whenever you went out. If you didnt, this guy wouldnt adopt you as THE AMERICAN BORROWER YOU ARE!!! And since, say, you did.......... best dad ever. 10/10. Well i mean,, accidents happen quite some timesss.. (racoons.. or his idiocy) He keeps an eye on ya tho, 24/7. Also, youre probably his only voice of good sense that could shush him down whenever he gets a bit dum dum, thats appreciated by everyone.

Pyro

Dress ups, tea parties and some arson on the side since he provides u matches. At first he was way too curious about you to be gentle, but over time he learnt to be carefull. Likes touchin u, prodding and tapping and stuff. Keeps him aware ur real and not am image in his head. He would definitely make crafts for u, like just minature sized objects or something like that. Would get really attached, so, you get scary dog privilege :3

Demoman

Wee lil' friend you are hes rather fond of. Hes caring and protective all the time. When he gets sloshed, he just becomes grabby, clingy nd loud. At times, just cuz hes used to do so, tries to get you to drink sum with him (if you're an adult ofc). This guy stuffs pepole up with granades on a daily, but would never hurt someone smaller than himself. Sometimes u gotta remind him to be quieter, but tbh, if youre living next to an everyday battlefield, your ears should be well used to it by now.

Heavy

A presence he doesn't rrly mind. When hes not in battle hes a quiet man, just going through his day, so having a tiny bud on the shoulder is no issue. He'd be pretty scared of handling said bud tho, ees hard to be careful when being beeg man. But you can always just stay in the pocket or as i said already, shoulder. Guaranteed food around him too. Heavy does not mind sharing sandvich with leetle leetle friend.

Engineer

Workshop assistant :D Every borrower must know how to make tools, atleast the basics, and i feel like he'd be amused by these but in a positive way. He would definitely make tiny functioning thingys for ya. And now if we dont care about the amount of noise, a small wrangler to you and you can shoot with his sentry meanwhile hes occupied with something else on the battlefield. Super fun and caring guy, one of the few that know what personal space means tbh.

Sniper

Rather antisocial typa guy, so if you're around him then its either just sitting in silence or a small talk about either his job or whatever you have to offer. I also dont feel like he'd be overly touchy in any situation. He sometimes can offer you resting somewhere on him; hat, shoulder, pocket, whatever you like. But thats for whenever he's not sniping. He'd rather not get startled by a move and miss the shot.

Medic

It all.. ALL depends on how he found you, what mood he had and overall what was his first thought he had about you. And if it was all somewhat positive, then another assistant you are. He could get a full review of how it is when inside of a human body from u!!!! fun ain't it? :D He wouldnt really go out his way to be careful, at first at least. Later on he might give some respect, if you prove yourself to be productive and entertaining that is. Archimedes would definitely be interested in you, taking you as their own.

Spy

He wouldnt be too invested in you, maybe sometimes taking you on the battlefield as a extra set of eyes or something. Also it would be a pain to even spend time with him since his smoke room would be a literal gas chamber. But maybe he'd let you just ride along in some pocket, as long as you kept it clean, and just.. do spy duties idk. Maybe if he got you some of your own mini gadgets then mini spy???? hhhmmmm??? im outta ideas for him idk

hon hon france

uuhhh... yea (this took me like 2 weeks my god)

[justgrey]

Hello! How about some headcanons of Sniper as a dad? Him and reader have finally settled down after their time with Mann Co has ended, and now they're raising kids! Thank you, and love your headcanons!

Tysm it means a lot that you love them!! ❤️❤️

And again, requests are open! Please request whatever and I'll get to it when I can!

Sniper x Reader - Headcannons of you both settling down (Kids!!)

Warnings : Mention of bullying(?)

Sniper wouldn't consider children with you until atleast maybe two or three years after your time with Mann Co. has ended, mainly because he's superstitious and slightly paranoid your old lives will come back to bite the two of you.

If you brought it up before he was ready to start considering kids, he'd smile awkwardly and try to brush it off so it's best to bring it up after he's loosened up a little and gotten comfortable.

But when he is comfortable enough to finally have kids, he'd prefer just one or two. Any more than that and it'd probably overwhelm his introverted ass.

Doesn't care if you two adopt or you get pregnant. He just wants to make you happy so he'll go along with whatever route you wanted to take.

He'd like to name his kids after something from nature because he feels more connected to wildlife and inanimate objects more than actual people sometimes. But if you wanted to name them something else, he wouldn't mind at all.

The gender of his kids wouldn't matter to him, he'd take them out on little camping trips regardless.

He's the type of dad to act as if he's not telling his kids to use brute force against bullies when he's around you but he totally is. He despises bullies because he was bullied for being quiet and antisocial in school and he never did anything about it.

He would act disappointed when his kids did something mildly bad like take an extra cookie without asking but as soon as you're out of the room, Sniper would spoil his damn kids.

He likes to go out into the wilderness with his family whenever he gets a break. You go camping, fishing, hunting, and probably more. He's a very outdoorsy person and he'd be happy to teach his family about wildlife and share his passion for it.

Definitely researched everything there was to know about the biomes around where you lived, he's obsessed with these things and his new life gives him plenty of time to indulge in the things he loves.

He's secretly hoping that he'll pass his interests down to his kids but if they don't pick it up, he'd still love them the same.

Sniper would be there for every small achievement and every little win. He doesn't care how small, if its good, it's good. He knows how much a simple gesture or reward like that is important to kids.

He is not a morning person so just be weary in the morning because he'll be a little grumpy until maybe 11am or until he gets some coffee or food.

Spends as much time with his kids as his social battery will allow him to. He gets tired pretty quick though so if your kids are bundles of pure energy then he'd struggle to keep up with them but he'd really try.

He'd probably get along better with quieter kids with less energy because he was just like that when he was younger and he can understand what it's like.

Overall, he just loves his family and if you were suddenly ripped from him, he'd be literally heartbroken forever.

[irodimww]

Blindy and Bunster Headcanons

SHOUTOUT TO @fawncr33k FOR INSPIRING ME TO MAKE A POST OF MY HC’S OF THE SILLIES !! (I’ve always wanted to make an HC post omg) thanks y’all for liking the silly jester and carnivore bnnuys !!

BLINDY HEADCANONS

＞FIRST WITH BLINDY’S PERSONALITY OMG: For a quick rundown, he’s cold, distant, private/secretive, very “guardian-like” (but in a dark way), grim, serious, blunt, kinda antisocial, strategic (I’d give a lot more details but we’d be here all day SOBBING)

＞ Blindy’s favorite color is red!! (reminds him of meat)

＞ He is a carnivore! I like to imagine him with fangs/sharper canines due to eating meat

＞ His ears can pick up the most quiet of noises from the farthest of distances away! He’s very fast, and can run in very quiet, quick footsteps. He also has a very strong sense of smell!—Although he has a very dull sense of taste, and his body has been trained throughly to practically not sense any sort of pain.

＞ He is immune to alcohol! I feel like Blindy has a really odd immune system after being in the void (the place he’s first introduced in the secret post-credit scene) and therefore he either is immune, or has a really strong tolerance to alcohol

＞ Blindy is 4’8 ft tall

—— (JorgeWrites, one of the developers of The Bunny Graveyard, actually said that Blindy was a short king—although he never confirmed an actual height sooooo-)

＞ He is very lightweight; as in he weighs very lightly! Being in the void for a long time (in which I headcanon him having stayed there for like, ATLEAST A SOLID 10 YEARS) has him probably at around 80 lbs in weight. ＞ HE DOES NOT SLEEP; from my HC of him staying in the void for 10 years, he probably has gotten used to almost never sleeping—if he does sleep, he either sleeps while standing up and only sleeps half an hour (max time he spent resting was 8 hours probably).

＞ He’s very alert and pays attention to all of his surroundings at all times. He also has the ability to hold his breath for long periods of time and stay very still; very silent! Although, he can’t relax—his regular state is just being alert and highly attentive on everything.

＞ Blindy’s main weapon of choice is a sword! He likes slashing targets with his sword rather than stabbing. The sword itself is very long (almost like a katana!) but it looks like the sword from the SWORD Area of 4/1/1992 (I suggest playing that free mini game btw! It hints at a lot of things of The Bunny Graveyard as a whole)

＞ Blindy hates any sort of physical touch, you touch his shoulder? He’ll slap your hand away. The farthest he’s gotten with someone in physical touch is literally hand holding—also for anyone who’s curious NAWWW HE’S NEVER HAD A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP IN HIS LIFE

＞ Blindy’s Aromantic in my eyes, he has no interest in romance and doesn’t feel any sort of romantic attraction to anyone he’s ever met lol. (I should also quickly say this that NAW he is not in love with Bunster in regards to Blindybun, I’ll explain more about their dynamics in a different post)

＞ He doesn’t really swear a lot, but when he does it’s usually in small doses—to emphasize a point. He picks his words carefully; thinking before speaking ! ＞ He doesn’t lie, but he tends to not give the truth very easily. He has a skill in avoiding and deflecting questions about himself.

★彡 I’m gonna stop the Blindy HC’s right there because WE STILL HAVE TO TALK ABOUT MY SECOND FAVORITE SILLY, THE JESTER OF ALL TIME, BUNSTER !!! ★彡

BUNSTER HEADCANONS:

＞ Bunster’s personality is EASY: egotistical/prideful, vain, arrogant, grandiose, attention-seeking, VERY AGGRESSIVE, temperamental, eccentric, probably has a superiority complex, a major asshole, very petty, bossy, heartless, cruel, (I COULD SAY SO MUCH ABOUT HIM OMG)

—— (ElPichon, a developer of The Bunny Graveyard, also confirmed Bunster being a “bad kind of asshole”, in which he rated him a 9/10 for how much of a jerk he is)

＞ He is 5’8 ft tall (He is confirmed to be shorter than Kiwi, who the developers said was around 6’0 ft tall!)

＞ His main weapon of choice are daggers! He specifically dual-wields a pair of daggers and has a lot of throwing knives on him, not to mention he takes great pride with his GREAT SKILL of using knives

＞ He is the type to want to steal the spotlight off of anyone else and want everyone to pay attention to just him—if he doesn’t get that attention he starts getting into a tantrum and gets violent

＞ He is VERY heartless. He’s an irredeemable asshole that loves no one but himself, and he will use or push down others in order to get himself to the top. He has a VERY small capacity to care for others, but usually whenever he cares about another person it’s for his own benefit—usually.

—— (ElPichon on a stream once had actually said that Bunster had no love in him.)

＞ He LOVES pointing at other peoples’ insecurities and making fun of others to put himself up (in reality he has a big insecurity about his own strength and power)

＞ He falls for flattery very easily, and always craves for compliments—any criticism, however, will probably result in him throwing a knife at you

＞ He doesn’t really make “true relationships” (because he believes he’s already the best on his own and that he doesn’t need others). Because of this he kinda ended up being incredibly lonely, but he’s too prideful to want to let others into his personal life

＞ Bunster is outwardly homophobic (so that others don’t make fun of him) but secretly FRUITY AS HECK. He is ?? So secretly fruity. He’s either a closeted gay or a closeted bisexual in my head LMAO (this is a meme).

＞ He is VERY hypocritical. Along with being a hypocrite, he is the type to CONSTANTLY lie. You cannot trust this guy in keeping his word or telling the truth, he’s gonna lie and betray you the moment you’re weak

＞ Feel like I haven’t said this yet—Bunster is physically strong, and is actually the strongest in his circus (I HC him being the self-appointed leader because he’s the most powerful of his group). He values strength over intelligence, and is not one to strategize—more so he just tries to pulverize and overwhelm his enemy with brute strength.

＞ He has a really distorted image of himself and holds himself to the highest of standards. The moment his image is cracked he lashes out and gets very pissed off—bro just doesn’t want to accept that he’s weaker than someone else (Blindy COUGH COUGH)

＞ Bunster isn’t really the type to compromise, if he wants something, he wants all of it—not part of it or not some of it, all of it. He’s also very demanding and impatient with what he wants.

＞ Lastly, he is NOT into romance, he wants none of the cuddly, strawberry sweet fluff. He just wants a rush of adrenaline bro (cue in his most favorite hated enemy Blindy)

★彡 I think I’m gonna stop here for tonight omg (2 hours of writing HC’s on tumblr, damn) ANYWAY IF YALL HAVE ANY HEADCANONS ABOUT BLINDY AND BUNSTER FEEL FREE TO PING ME !! (Explosion)

NONE OF MY HEADCANONS THAT AREN’T BACKED UP BY STATEMENTS OF THE DEVS ARE CANON BY THE WAY!!!!

by the way THIS IS FICTIONAL; i don’t support people like bunster in real life (just needed to put this in in case people were somehow thinking I liked heartless assholes in real life which I DO NOT—)

[wh1spyz]

"butterfingers"

profiles

haneul is the MAKNAE 💜

y/n is a very silly (and freaky) baker, who forces her friends to eat her amazing baking constantly. though, she absolutely despises sweets, and loves sour foods instead. she is constantly tired whenever she goes to class, and thinks shes "too nonchalant for crushes" (spoiler alert, shes loud and WRONG). she loves making conversation with people she barely knows, but then gets shy after a few minutes, realizing that she may be a tiny bit loud.

(p.s. she really never is that loud, she just gets second hand embarrassment from her own actions quite quickly.)

haneul is a confident girl who y/n claims to be the "absolute cutest girl in the world" (she hates being babied but she'll let y/n say that as much as she wants because she adores her). she's smart as hell but refuses to put too much effort because she's "too pretty for that" (shes right‼️)

doyoung is an absolute diva honestly, might be his own gcs biggest hater but supporter at the same time. they all love him though, but he doesnt love them back (atleast thats what he claims but haneul and y/n both know hes lying). if he had a nickel for everytime he had told hanuel to kill herself, he would have a yacht and a mansion (JOKE).

#killchenle

renjun is a certified lover boy, but he cannot bring himself to get a girlfriend (or talk to a girl in general) after his last messy relationship. is much more antisocial compared to the rest of his friends, but is still quite extroverted in a way, but only around people he trusts. he is really passionate about keeping his over-the-top grades, so he studies so often that it may been seen as a health hazard at times. also, do not leave sweet foods or pastries anywhere around him, he'll eat them within minutes (or even seconds).

chenle is.. well.. chenle! everyone in the fg (and even his other friends) all agree that someone needs to tape his mouth shut. he causes chaos every opportunity that he has by supporting jisungs ridiculous ideas and in general is really really idiotic at times. he's a popular guy despite his stupidity though, and definitely will go out of his way to stand up for his friends and others, regardless of his popularity.

jeno was intimidating at first sight, and that case goes for many, including renjun. but renjun realized quickly that jeno was just a big softie who gives hugs, not throws punches (though he would if he needed to). the gc loves him but sometimes he doesn't have the brightest ideas (which are mostly influenced by chenle).

jisung is the silliest of the sillies of the fg, both in a positive and a negative way. hes chenle's right hand man when it comes to stupid ideas, but could not execute those plans to save his life due to his shy nature. no one hates him though, hes just a poor little guy (who the gc picks on to no end).

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[yynumaki]

hey, im new to tumblr and i didn't that there was a request section on a persons profile so i commented a request, sorry about that lol. but maybe aidan gallagher x reader where they have anxiety and really dont like loud rooms/too many people and one day the two are on a date and she asks to go outside bc its to loud and they go outside where she starts crying and apologizing for always being so antisocial? really just fluff and socially anxious reader? you dont have to if you dont want to, thanks! :)

A/N:Thanks for the req, sorry if I cant meet your expectations, I'm pretty busy lately but hope you enjoy. Also welcome to tumblr 🥳

Everything was supposed to be perfect.

Aidan asked you out on a date on the new restaurant that just opened up a few weeks ago; Apparently its already getting hundreds of amazing reviews by the second, so he decided to get a table reserved there for the both of you to celebrate your 3rd year anniversary.

You've picked out the perfect dress, the perfect shoes, and you woke up with glowing skin which just added the cheery on top.

Though the only problem was, you didn't think there'd be this much people here.

You felt like everyone was staring at you, that everyone was judging you, but in reality they were all just minding their own business.

You were punching yourself because you were feeling it all over again, the sweatiness, the shaking, the heavy breathing. You felt spiralled.

“Hey..” Aidan asked calmly, “Are you feeling ok love?”

“Yeah—” you said in a hush tone.

Before he could even say another word you felt the room and everyone's eyes closing in on you.

“Sorry” you whispered before rushing out

Aidan spared no second thought and rushed out to catch you. When he exited the restaurant, he saw you walking away quickly while holding your arms shakily as you cried, he caught up to you fairly fast.

“Y/n” he yelled, loud enough for you to hear but not so loud that he'd get the attention of others.

You faced him, lips shaking, your cheeks soaked with tears, and your mascara smudged.

He gently held your arms as his eyes was filled with worry.

“What happened?” he asked,

“Im sorry—” you said as tears were starting to brim your eyes once more, “Im so sorry, I'm so sorry....” you continued as he hugged you.

“It was all supposed to be perfect” you held him tighter, gripping his waist to hold him closer.

“Its not tour fault sweetheart ” he hushed, lightly pulling away from your hug to wipe your stained cheeks, “Your anxiety just got the best of you, but its not your fault, I should've booked a restaurant that had kore privacy ” he sighed.

“No Aidan” you responded, “You were so thoughtful for what you did, its just that I wish I didn't have this mental stuff” you sniffed, “It keeps ruining things”

“Dont blame yourself” he quickly responded in a serious yet calm manner, “Never blame yourself, you hear me?”

You nodded as he kissed your forehead and walked you to your car.

The same night, you went back home to your shared apartment.

While Aidan was dressing out of his suit, you thought that you could atleast make it up to him by having a dinner date at home, so while he was in the shower, you decided to bake his favourite meal and dessert.

He always showered for atleast an hour so that gave you enough time to finish mid way through so he couldn't just ask you to stop and go to bed with him.

When he went downstairs, he was greeted with a stench that made his stomach grumble.

“Whats all this?” he smiled as he walked to hug you from behind.

“Dinner" you responded sweetly, “Im going to make it up to you you know” you said declaratively.

“You dont need to make up for anything sweetheart” he kissed your cheek, “Having you is all that I need”

“So you want me to stop cooking?”

“Now I didn't say that” he laughed,

“Your so cheesy Mr.Gallagher” you joked,

“Only for you Mrs.Gallagher”

“Were not married love”

"Not yet"

[shimmieshimmiekokopop]

Scike headcanons (this is so fucking long)

Scott has Antisocial personality disorder

He refuses to see a psychiatrist– No matter how much Mike nags him to just atleast go see what's wrong with him. He's naturally always been good with psychology, he already knows his own faults and even if he doesn't know the actual name for it, he actually would rather keep it unlabeled. Maybe for the sake of his own insecurity or awareness of himself or maybe he's kind of afraid that Mike would finally have something solid to hold over his head. Either way he doesn't care to know the name of his mental problem.

They have actually tried to murder eachother atleast five times. Like, Scott's pointed a gun at Mike and tried to shoot him and Mike's lunged at Scott with a knife in his hand and stabbed him. Mike's had to drag Scott to the ER atleast twice.

Birthday gifts between them are usually just one thing but it's always something that is genuinely thoughtful and the other person ends up really liking. Like Scott bought Mike a DVD collection of some franchise of action movies and Mike's obsessed with them and watches them whenever he's alone and bored– And it always makes him think of Scott.

They actually do really like eachother. Sure they hate eachother but like they are totally disgustingly infatuated with one another like they are obsessed with eachother. Scott would probably kill Mike if he ever really tried to leave him– And if Scott ever left Mike he would probably just kill himself honestly. And yes Mike's the boyfriend that says "I'll hurt myself if you leave me" and even if the threat isn't solid and Scott knows that he still gives in everytime Mike says it because he thinks Mike is kind of legitimately crazy and might actually do it.

Scott likes to sing really loudly and dance around the house whenever he gets drunk. It's totally unlike his usual self– and Mike kind of loves it. But it also kind of freaks him out because it's so unlike him. But it's also so attractive because it's such a dumb thing to see Scott of all people doing. And in the morning Scott never remembers doing it so it's not like Mike can bring it up.

They live together in a one-story house, and whenever they fight the house gets absolutely trashed. Guess who ends up cleaning it every single time.

Scott's only cleaned after a fight twice and it was because Mike just went to sleep after the fights and there was no other choice.

Mike actually knows how to comfort Scott when he's sad. He's sad very rarely– But Mike can always talk him out of it and then force him to take a bath with him and it always helps– No matter how much Scott will say it's absolutely ridiculous and unhelpful he always ends up going back to his usual self afterwards and Mike's just fine with that because he honestly likes Scott's usual self.

Them getting drunk together and slow dancing in the kitchen. Mike's the only one who remembers it in the morning because Scott has like a weird ass short term memory whenever he gets drunk. But Scott would be the one to initiate it and at first Mike is like what the fuck are you doing but eventually he gets into it too and it's honestly one of Mike's favorite memories.

Scott and Mike actually have some extremely interesting conversations. Like they can shoot the shit for hours with eachother and not get bored with eachother. Especially when Mike is drunk and Scott is sober. Mike can fucking talk when he's drunk. Scott gets annoyed by drunk Mike but if Mike doesn't say some genuinely interesting things when he's drunk.

"I fucking hate you." "Love you more."

Or, more commonly, "I hate you." "Yeah well I hate you more."

Scott thinks Mike doing kickboxing is so hot and will absolutely be his sparring partner when he practices– Even if sometimes it goes too far and somehow one of them ends up with a fr black eye.

Scott never gets sick. Ever. He has the greatest immune system of all time. Mike thinks it's so weird. Then Scott finally does get sick and he acts like he's dying of fucking scarlet fever. But Mike takes care of him anyway, because Mike does actually like him. Somewhat.

Scott will call Mike 'his bitch', 'housewife', 'bangmaid' and Mike's personal favorite– 'Beautiful'. He swoons everytime. He also likes when Scott calls him 'Michael' when he's mad. It actually is like an immediate turn-on.

They bite eachother. Scott will bite Mike and Mike will be like 'wtf' but he'll do it back for the sake of 'payback' but it's really just an attempt to get his mouth on Scott's muscles because Jesus Christ does he love Scott's muscles.

Seriously he'll sit there and just squeeze Scott's biceps while he's trying to sleep and Scott'll get annoyed and smack him but soon as he lays back down Mike's just gonna keep doing it.

Don't get them wrong they might have some real semblance of love for eachother but they will fucking try to kill eachother and rip eachothers throats out at any chance they get. Their love language is beating the shit out of eachother. I believe the term is 'domestic enemies'

Mike really likes how he can tell Scott basically anything and Scott won't freak out. Doesn't even phase him. They're way too comfortable with eachother. Like Scott will take a shit while Mike's showering comfortable. (Mike hates when Scott does shit like that like dude don't do that.)

They'll start aggressively making out while fighting and it's so not normal at all.

[confessions-official]

i feel shameful. im 15 and for 2-3 years of my life, i have been homeschooling. nothing bad about that, i started homeschooling because i got bullied alot + my adhd doesnt work well with schedules so me and my mom work together on our own homeschooling program where i do bookwork on my own time since my mom cant bother for a schedule either as shes a manager at a pharmacy. the one thing i dont like about this is that im left at home. all day. sounds great in the beginning, who doesnt love being at home but in the long run, ive learned to feel so.. shut in. i go on walks occasionally and when my mom is off we sometimes go out together its not like im locked in but heres the situation. i live with me, my mom and my brother. my mom is disabled, nearing 53, and barely has free time so the times we do go do something together that isnt after a medical appointment is like once a month and my brother whos 32 is autistic and earns money from disability checks due to his autism and while he has a drivers licence, he prefers to not drive as his autism is very distracting so hes pretty content with staying home and playing video games while also taking care of the house and giving me my meds. i on the other hand am a disabled 15 year old whos disability and asthma limits me from taking walks sometimes + i live in texas so those walks are also 10x worse and i also dont have a backyard to just atleast go and sit down in. my problem is that im so shut in and antisocial that i am not exaggerating when i say i have no irl friends. and even though i have online friends, im so antisocial and scared that ive limited myself to two friends by themselves and one friend group that i barely talk to. my isolation scares me because while im content with my life, i know it isnt healthy for me in the long run. im ruining my social skills but i dont know if its my own fault or my moms. because my mom even encourages me to relax and not even get a job or anything. i feel so useless.

im unknown to the world and i will die forgotten by my relatives who will pass before i do.

 

[lovesickletters]

Snow anon here...I'm here with a request for your event but it's a little in reverse...instead of a requesting a cookie with multiple flowers, I'm gonna request a flower with multiple cookies! Hope that's ok....

I'd like to request the single flower of Narcissus....for affogato cookie, clotted cream cookie, red velvet, licorice cookie, Madeleine cookie, hollyberry cookie, and lastly, Caramel arrow.

You don't have to do all of them if you don't have to! As long as I get atleast the top 3, I'm happy! Just don't wanna overwhelm ya despite me...having such a long list lol! Sorry I got so many favs!

❀𝒩𝒶𝓇𝒸𝒾𝓈𝓈𝓊𝓈❀

I understand completely, I have plenty of favourites myself! Here’s who I had ideas for;

Narcissus - Does this yandere prefer to infiltrate their darling’s life, or do they prefer to take their darling away? 

Affogato Cookie - Affogato definitely leans moreso toward the latter option, perhaps because he’s an outcast himself ever since the events of his attempted usurping of the throne. However his techniques are far more subtle than outright kidnapping. Manipulating your trust until you don’t believe anyone except him is a piece of cake for Affogato, who’s already so well versed in the process. The only difference is he simply has to make you isolate yourself from everyone you know, and be ready to comfort you at the end when everyone you loved has turned from you and he’s all you have left.

Red Velvet Cookie - Very much so the latter. Red Velvet is inexperienced with social nuances and dynamics, and trying to introduce himself into any kind of relationship with his darling organically or inorganically without seeming antisocial at best and a threat at worst would be difficult for him. The cake tower is his home, and a far more comfortable environment for the crimson general than the day-to-day ongoings of his darling’s life in the kingdom. So if he can’t bring himself closer to you, he’ll just have to bring you closer to him.

Madeleine Cookie - Infiltration is such a sneaky word for it, when Madeleine more or less waltzed into his darling’s life and rooted himself in it without giving you a say in the matter. Who wouldn’t want to be in the presence of such a radiant paladin as himself after all~? He’s always there when you need him most (or least, depending on how you see it), all shining armour and smiles that could blind the sun should you so much as drop something. Worst of all is everyone else believes you’re the lucky one for having someone so dashing and noble looking out for you.

Caramel Arrow Cookie - Caramel Arrow is not entirely dissimilar from Affogato in that she teaches you not to trust those around you, but in a manner in which she genuinely believes it’s for your own good. Her days in the citadel where there are insiders working against you and her own king threw her into the cold after she’d done nothing but the right thing had her on guard for traitors 24/7, and she’d hate to have anything remotely similar happen to you. She’s not so extreme as to isolate you from everything and everyone you know, but if she notices someone trying to get close to you she’s immediately on guard. No one will hurt her darling while she’s around.

[chatadile2]

Hi! Would you be willing to share anything more about your sidestep? 👀 no pressure, of course, but I’d love to hear more about them!

Hihi, yee don't mind don't mind, thank you for the ask and the interest in her!

One thing before I do tho, that this might change later on mattering from how the next 2 books will be when they come out (not like I'm gonna really remember my choices, so probably will replay and deviate from how I did originally in most things), but overall it shouldn't really, just wanna let my Sidestep actually have a happy life after what happened and be able to heal <:D

Also this is going to be long from what I have written so far, way more than I expected, but hope it's alr :D

(It probably has spoilers in there, but tried to not say too much to make sure anyone reading won't be getting the full picture, till they get there. Also edited it, so it has a cut, cause realised that it might take up more space in searches than I want it to)

-Her name is Tiaxy Draconic (based on my sona since I like to have her in any kind of interactive book story to see what can happen with her and to enjoy the story a bit more personally), a gal with white skin, longer braided blond hair and green eyes, who is a seasoned tech-savy tactician, that becomes very conflicted by the events retribution towards her own self, her villain persona, puppet, life and emotions overall making things more complicated than ever,

-Big sweet toothed telepath, favourite sweet specifically is cheescake!

-Her villain name is Tiamat, based on the goddess and looks somewhat like what they designed for her in the game Smite (Overall my sona herself is connected in a way to the goddess in her own lore outside of the books, so seemed most fitting to make it her villain self's armor), but made to fit the story a bit better, other than with the armor having an expressive face on the helmet, which can show her emotions well enough when she wants it to that can be controlled with cams inside the head aimed at her face and with through the ui. The armor itself wouldn't be exactly like the book describes, being apart, but together, like the power armor in fallout (much more to my liking for what I'm imagining an armor of hers is). It's in the terrifying category with speed, jet boost and telepathy enhancing, helping to keep the "no hit record" alive and well enough that she only got hit majorly once, she isn't planning to get hit majorly anymore even if the armor can take it,

-Main motivation as a villain is justice and truth on the other side and she is an anarchist in the 1st playthrough, mattering from which I like, might switch to another (not really into the politics, but doesn't mean I didn't like punting a guy in one of the later missions tho),

-Her base is an abandoned office building (or whatever it was, can't remember the exact name atm), she refurbished it enough to live there, making sure her armor is close enough by for easy access, old apartment wasn't bad though, she lived well enough, manipulating rich peeps to give her their money, funding her life easily, puppet stayed above the apartment after she moved though,

-As a villain, she isn't trying to kill anyone, atleast any civilians (anyone else will get punted if they are in the way), knows they aren't the problem and tries to show the truth to them and to overall everyone, trying to plant doupt where it needs to be present, even if it's naive at that time, her goals are overall heroic rather than villanious,

-She might pretend a lot, masking as she had always done in fear of being seen and recognised, she is trying/starting to be more positive and genuine towards the end, not by much, but it's way bigger difference then in rebirth with her being very antisocial, it might bite her later though, like before, but hopefully can get out of trouble in the next books,

-Says she doesn't want to keep her friends, yet does, doesn't wanna interact with them, yet does and runs into them by accident a lot, doesn't want to love anyone, yet again does and says things she says she didn't actually want and why did she even do so, for example, she agreed to get together with Herald when she didn't exactly plan to, surpising even her own self and ofc making Herald very happy (he is too much of a positive influence on her, both physical and mental, and she couldn't say no, even tho she thinks she wanted to, she didn't, she can't deny it >:]),

-She overall knows something is wrong with her, broken (literally, yknow yknow when), and instead of keeping the destructive habits, tries to get herself together proper and tries to heal, as well as her own self allows and is able of course, and even tries to accept herself somewhat even if it's very hard, she agreed to see the therapist too by Ortega's wishes and recommendation in rebirth and didn't push them away too much in retri, didn't reveal too much either, but wasn't overall hostile, so didn't really regret it that much compared to when she agreed to it and said it helped some,

-Nightmares are still plenty regardless of change (which I hope will change later and she actually can get sleep, cause my god she needs it, every sidestep needs to have a good night sleep),

-As mentioned, she is starting to accept herself, so she is starting to use her puppet a bit less after 2 years and deciding to start going by herself more to wherever she needs to be or mainly in armor rather most of the time though,

-Speaking of the puppet, his name is Jake a white skinned, green eyed, black and green wild haired guy, who got together with Ortega in rebirth and are eternally flirting in retri, which is still the case by the end,

-Puppet met Ortega while boxing, getting some emotions out, they train whenever they can,

-As herself, she became Herald's coach, which was the extent she wanted the connection be, but things took a turn for possibly better than expected,

-Became even more friendly friends by retri with Steel, Ortega, Herald (ofc, who wouldn't) and Mortum through her puppet (broke my heart through the first playthrough tho of retri when Tia gave him the gun as herself and decided it's as good as of a time to tell him something very important [I never regretted anything more in my life, physical and mental damage irl that I didn't think was possible ;-;], hoping tho that it won't bite me later and actually be agood thing),

-Since she unintentionally (def intentionally, even if she doesn't realise) got closer with most of the rangers (other than Argent, they are netrual since rebirth), they all noticed something up with her and always ask "are you okay?", which she at the 4th time was like "why is everyone keep asking me this???", which was honestly pretty funny, getting asked so many times if she is, ofc she isn't, but she won't gonna say it just yet (she did admit it a bit though, with Ortega in rebirth, he did recommend the therapist for a reason),

-Spoon is still the best thing that happened interms of animal interactions, she enjoyed her time with Steel there a ton,

-Would absolutelly be a cat person, if she didn't know better, wouldn't mind a dog either (she needs a therapy dog by the end, I swear, hoping and praying here [even if that doesn't happen, rat king might be better for that purpose for Sidestep specifically]),

-Other than the rangers and a select few, she isn't fond of people regardless of how much change she goes through, that won't change, antisocial all the wayyy babbbyyyy other than friends ofc,

-Compared to rebirth, she calmed down a lot more from the high of her villain self's deput, still that doesn't mean she isn't excited to go and be the villain whenever the time comes, that's still exciting regardless, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have her doubts about wether or not it is truly the right path she decided upon after everything,

-Likes rainy days and water overall. Likes to just watch rainfall from her room, esp likes it when it pours. It's somehow pretty terapeutic just watching and listening to the rain fall. Whenever she is able, she does go to the beach to listen to the waves,

-Likes to wear an almost fully black coat, which is just a very dark shade of blue, likes the fact it is long and almost reach the ground, under it a light blue shirt, with long dark purple pants and formal-ish shoes that are made to make sure she can walk on wet and otherwise problematic surfaces without any trouble, and she wears white gloves.

And I think that's it atm, can't remember more from the top of my head and I think this is plenty for now anyways, I wrote down a lot more than I expected to have! Hopefully this can give a bit more inside into my darling Sidestep, since I'm an artist, I might even draw them depending on if I can stick with what I'm drawing and not just put it on the shelf for later, yknow yknow gjjfj.

Again, thank you for the interest in my gal! If you have anymore questions about her that are more specific and not answered here, just lmk! I don't mind talking about it and aswering, I rather enjoy doing so :]

[kaleeatinghoe]

FELLAS HOW ABOUT.. SOUTH PARK MUSIC HCS???!!💕💕

southpark kids musical headcanons woohoo

(just the ones I have thought about)

gregory plays clarinet + musical theater. he prefers musical theater but also just likes doing plays. as you may expect, he practices incessantly and as a result is the best in his band class, (which may have also had something to do with his prior musical experience at yardale.) whenever there is a solo to be gotten, the teacher makes it out to be a huge surprise whenever they select the soloist, but nobody is ever surprised and likely groan when gregory is selected.

wendy plays clarinet too, also playing it quite well, although not as excessively as gregory does. same with musical theater. she’s fairly good at singing in the sense of being in key nearly all the time, and having a strong voice, and competent on stage. she has a lot of interest in common with gregory in the music field, hence their friendship. (I’ve had an idea floating around in my brain of wendy auditioning for belle and grwgory gaston in beauty and the beast xDD) shes also one of the best in the band room and practices frequently.

christophe likely would never want to do any kind of musical anything on his own, although gregory would convince him to join band eventually. he would either join clarinet with gregory, or bassoon. he isn’t particularly good, but not completely lost. he’s maybe at the upper lower end of the”where he needs to be” in band class. I think that grwgory would slowly convince him to join musical theater with him,, but christophe being christophe he would never act on stage, so he would opt for backstage crew.

as for pip, he plays flute and sings in choir. he isn’t amazing at flute, but he’s overall pretty solid. I think he would just be absolutely overjoyed by being able to play that he doesn’t even care if he isn’t very good. he just genuinely likes to play flute, which is why he practices quite frequently. (although not very effectively.) same applies for choir, he just genuinely enjoys singing even though he isn’t THAT good at it. like he isnt bad at it, but his singing isn’t what you would call good either. little fella just having the time of his life in there:DD

i honestly think that estella probably wouldn’t do anything musical at all, but if she did it would be cello. she just seems like a cello kind of person idk. she can play it pretty up to speed. like not incredible but like to the point where she can get irritated whenever people are struggling real bad, which is very common in their orchestra class. she has like six packs on her eyeballs from rolling her eyes at this point. (i feel like all the strings would also be atrocious)

damien would go with alto sax (the one i play :D) or viola. he would also do piano but most schools don’t have piano :’) (atleast mine doesn’t.) his dad wanted him to have some form of extracurriculars but he is too antisocial for sports so his dad insisted on an instrument. whenever guests come over damien is hoping and praying that his dad doesn’t remember he can play an instrument :’) (“did you know that damien is learning an instrument at school? oh my gosh!! he’s gotten so good!!! damien, you should play something for them!!” “*whisper yelling after damien refuses* damien! show our guests your skills!”)

rebecca would do piano, (if it’s available) or violin. she already took violin lessons so she chose that one so she was less lost when she joined mid way through the year. (not that she couldn’t learn it in her own really fadt, bc she totally could, but she has social anxiety.) in the off chance that her parents make her try something new, she would play oboe. Idk her personality js seems like an oboe idk how to describe it :’) she would be really good at it and one of the better players in the room.

mark would also opt for piano if the school offers it, but if not he would go for the French horn because he thinks it’s cool. also he really likes the way it looks, and also he didn’t want to do one of the instruments he already knew because that’s boring. he would get up to speed pretty fast and end up one of the best in the french horn section, which pisses a lot of people off who couldn’t even get that good in the time before mark& rebecca came to the school.

so like these are just the characters who i rlly thought about whenever the hell i came up with the musical idea,, so I might make more. js lmk if you want any particular character/ hc or anything abt the characters in music

[duinit019iwio]

"She's kinda cute"

Pairing; Shinobu x FEM reader

Warning: not proofread, may be cringe.

???: you are one of the students of Rengoku. Rengoku find you on the streets years ago, severely beaten. Of course, the flame hashira didn't hesitate to atleast adopt you, and he did. It's been years since Rengoku have trained you, yet unfortunately, you are still on the process of being a hashira yourself, as you still have a hard time focusing on your breathing technique. But, this time, Rengoku decided to introduce you to the hashiras.

------------------------------------------------------

<<3rd POV>>

Rengoku smiled in the distance, as he notice on the distance that you are getting alone with his comrades. Although one thing thay Rengoku is disspointed of, is the way Y/N won't be able to meet Shinobu, as she in a mission.

Y/N can be describe by Rengoku as a quiet kid, who prefer to stay at the dark in which poeple don't notice, yet you are getting alone with the hashiras, even Giyuu himself.

Even though your energy and personality is a big diffirence to Mitsuri, both of you are still hanging up. Of course, Muichiro and Giyuu, will fit you own personality, in which, lead to your own friendship.

But today, Rengoku was happy when he heard that Shinobu mission is almost done and go back after the Mission, but sadly, he has to leave after learning that he himself have a mission by a village who is very easy to get attacked by demons. So thus, Rengoku put his trust on his comrades to take care of you while he's gone.

When he was gone, Mitsuri and Muichiro along with Giyuu have to be quite of your closest friend, even though your personality, energy, and aura is completely different. But, your not that antisocial than before, in fact, you started to open up.

Right now, you are in the garden, looking at the grass below you. Without a second thought, Iguro came to your back and tap your shoulders slightly. This results you putting his attention to him.

"do you need something Iguro-san?" You asked.

Iguro just signs before he speaks, "Mitsuri have invited you to go and take a visit in where Mitsuri rest to finally meet Shinobu and have some cup of tea and have some time together" he said simply.

you raised your eyebrow, Shinobu?? Hm...

Out of your curiosity, you nodded and accept it. You then go back to Looking to the grass, when you realized you have something to say, you look back in where Iguro ones before to speak, but realized he already ran off.

You just sign.

It is now afternoon, and you are walking towards the place we're Mitsuri sometimes offer you to take a sit and drink some tea with her, or even rest.

But out of the distance you can see Mitsuri talking to a unfamiliar woman you never see. Ones Mitsuri saw you, she screamed in delight, **Y/N- chan!**.

Of course the unfamiliar woman also look at you, and her eyes widen, a slight blush came from her face as she saw you, before she turned back to her calm smiling face, hey the blush is still there . You just raised an eyebrow, but you did smile and nod a little.

While you did a little nod, Shinobu whispered to Mitsuri;

"She's Y/N right?" she asked smirking looking at you secretly

Mitsuri nod, and whispered, "yep she is!"

Shinobu smirked wider, "she's kinda cute"

Mitsuri gasp in suprised, but giggled and Shinobu followed.

You just stand there confused-

[a-quiet-daily-diary]

Monday, 30th of January, 1:26am

It's been a very long time since I've used this website and I'm using it on mobile no less so it's safe to say I have no idea how the formatting is going to turn out.

But formatting means nothing when all I want to do is just write my thoughts down. Being the first entry, this will probably be a long one - or as long as it will let me make it.

Today I found myself thinking that I might enjoy just dropping everything and everyone in my life and going off to start a fresh new hermit life without any social obligations. But I could never do that because my friends and family would worry and be debostated and I really don't want to make them upset. But at the same time I just really don't have it in me to be so close with people and feel obliged to have interactions with them all the time. I already keep to myself a lot and my friends are incredibly patient with me but sometimes I do wonder if they'll give up on me one day. Part of me says "one less thing to worry about" but it would also mean I lose a social connection that I might need in my life. I'd also have to explain to my family that I'm no longer friends with that person simply because I'm a bad antisocial person. But also the guilt of being such a bad friend to the point I caused them to leave even after all they've stuck through. I suppose I just have to suck it up and deal with the social obligations no matter how mentally exhausting it can be.

During the holiday period I had many social engagements I had to attend and a lot of them had people I didn't know also attending. And a few even in loud public spaces. Safe to say I was very thoroughly mentally dead. The only bright side I could find was that I didn't want to game over in that time - but I did feel I was close to falling to that rock bottom again. It was during that time I started to seriously consider seeing a therapist/psychologist/whatever they want to be called. My mum's been saying I should see one to help work through my anxiety about going out in public and stuff. There is a psych just a couple blocks from my home, literally next to the supermarket I do my grocery shopping at. So the location is perfect and they even have therapy cats. But they don't have any kind of form fill outs on their website, I have to ring up over the phone and I can't bring myself to do it. Another reason I'm hesitant is because I don't really want to pay a person to ask me the questions I literally despise being asked. Call it childhood trauma or whatever but NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER asks me "are you ok? What's wrong? Why are you upset" when I'm displaying that I'm upset. It's because of that that I do all I can to not appear upset and now have this issue where I dread the thought of even hinting at feeling negative emotions. I don't get why people feel the need to intrude like that anyway. If I'm clearly upset I'll be hiding away and avoiding people and communication FOR A REASON it's because I don't want to fucking talk to you and I need fucking space to calm down and collect my thoughts.

Sorry, even just thinking about it makes be furious.

I could probably go on about the negatives and stressers all night but I think focusing on the positives is a good thing to do in a while.

This year I decided I'd make sure I have atleast one finished art piece per month as a way to help me do more art and get more consistent and to help get me out of my damned perfectionist outlook of "if it's not going to be perfect I'm not going to finish it". First artpoece is indeed finished and I've already started a second. I'm still struggling to really find my art style but hopefully by the end of the year I'll be atleast twelve steps closer.

I'm also hoping that writing every day will help motivate me to get back to writing short fanfics. I know my writings not great and they're only short things but they're a fun quick creative activity to keep my brain going.

I think that's about it for now. It's late and my brain is definitely running out of steam. I wrote down the time of when I started writing but that's definitely not going to be accurate to the post time. Do I want to bother decorating this blog? I remember I used to have so much fun customising a blog with the html code. But this isn't really a blog it's just a diary dump so I'll probably leave it blank.

Goodnight. Sleep tight. Wake up when you feel it's right. 💖