#or at least sleep and have it feel like the sleep actually did anything for me

[colorlessjay]

hello! may be a weird request but do you have any fanfic recommendations?

BUCKLE THE FUCK UP

OH DO I HAVE SOME RECS FOR YA'LL

Mind you, 90% are based on personal preference and fics I think about way too often than I should. A lot of them influenced the way I make characters interact

Some of them might not be your taste and that's cool!

First off, Gotta promote the fics that people wrote inspired by my art (I am truly honored)

Time Cast A Spell On You by bethefirstwhoeverdid

Cabin of Feathers by Featherpie (Izupie)

Return To The Past by faeryn

NOW FOR MY COLLECTION

Just any fic written by everandanon

I swear to you, all of their fics are worth a read. They are frustrating (In a good way for me) but the worldbuilding, comedy, dialogue, and character interactions always have me physically getting up and laughing. At one point during Quarentantion, I had to stop reading to rant to my friends about it because it made me feel so much that I went to 3 different friends about it. With Interest actually made my heart physically hurt at certain points. Expectations had me on a roller coaster ride But if you think their fics are a little overwhelming, I recommend reading Casicorn. It's the first ever fic I read from them and it solidified my love for this author. I swear I am on my hands and KNEES waiting for them to finish their newest fic

Where All My Journeys End - (a Twist and Shout alt universe) by Say_It_In_Enochian

Did reading Twist and Shout devastate you? Did it emotionally hurt your heart and make you wish there was something to make the pain lighter? READ THIS FUCKING FIC NOW I got so fucking lucky when I found it immediately after reading T&S and when I tell you the JOURNEY this fic took me? It healed my soul The struggles, the history, the relationships, the LONG fight to get to their happy ending I am FLOORED this doesn't have 1000 Kudos!

The Ed Sheeran Effect by tricia_16

It made me laugh. That's it. It's sweet and funny and really fun and just feels very campy, like it could've been a decent movie I would rewatch on days I just feel like feeling good Am I a sucker for HighSchool/College AU fics? Yes do I fucking care? No

The Best Years of Our Lives, My Ass by ireallyhatecornnuts (CharleyFoxtrot)

I. fucking. love. this. fic The story alone was so interesting but it was the DIALOGUE that hooked me in. I swear I think about this fic in the middle of drawing and go "Damn, good times" like it's a long lost friend

Slide Away by Castielslostwings

It's the TENSION that got me. I can't explain to you how much I just love their hate-pining for each other Read it, love it, in my digital bookshelf

Sleep Without You by turningthepages

Hilarious. The density is so high it could float. I swear to god I've read this fic at least three times and think about it once a week I remember reading it and cackling so much that I woke up my mom

Should've Just Asked by Annie D (scaramouche)

I wish this fic had a follow-up that was just Dean's perspective because I would LOVE to read more of it. The situation is so absurd and I binged it all in one day (I'm a very slow reader)

Pinfall by crowleyo

I'm gonna say it. I'm so actually angry this fic doesn't get enough attention. It is so so SO well-written and heart-wrenching. Am I still a sucker for highschool sweethearts? YES! I OPENLY ADMIT THIS! But COME ON

Of fuming and partaking and so on by zation

This fic and literally any fic from Zation. I absolutely love the way this author writes. It's so funny and self-aware and the dialogue and scenarios always keep me entertained and laughing They have such a large catalog of fics that I'm pretty sure I have at least 15 saved on my phone

Mr. Blue Sky by anyrei, queerwolf79

This fic specifically and literally ANYTHING from these two. I swear, a lot of their fics are certified bangers. Mr. Blue Sky is probably a personal favorite of mine cause I actually teared up

Love Me More by Saiorse_Irvyne

I'm not the biggest fan of A/B/O stuff, but MAN this has me feeling things. When a fic makes me feel strong emotions, I just gotta recommend it

Lock and Key by tricia_16

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's THAT good

Kind Of A Forever Deal by komodobits

It's FUN. It's FUNNY. It's so fucking campy and cute and the progression of their relationship was just AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It's Always the End of the World Somewhere by Annie D (scaramouche)

I can sit here and recommend Annie D's fics all DAY, but I'm recommending this one specifically because of this: “Get a room, assholes,” someone mutters. “Hey!” Crowley whirls on the offender. “I could set on you on fire!” And that's one of many fantastic quotes

Cinderwings by bendingsignpost

One of the first fics I've ever read from this fandom, and I recommend it to ANYONE regardless of whether they know Destiel or not. The story is so fucking captivating it makes me want to eat my foot it's so GOOD

--------------

Do I have a type when it comes to fanfics? Yes

But I like gravitating towards funny dialogue and silly shenanigans. I thrive off of fun fics that sometimes take themselves seriously, but still pull me back and make me laugh

If a fic can make me feel such a strong emotion that I PHYSICALLY have to get up? Then fuck yeah it's going in my archives

I would recommend some of the darker fics I have, but this is for fun

[sukioyakio]

Part two to the Drabble

CoolbfSukuna x losergfreader

He won’t ever admit it but after dating you but he now cant stand the quiet.You really did something to him.Your words,your sounds;your voice was like his podcast.

And so when he came home to a ln eerie quiet place.He opened the door; taking off his shoes and placed them near the door entrance.And usually he would see you in the couch or walking right up to him.Or in the bedroom playing one of your greeky games.But no it was just silence.

”hello. . .”

A furrow creased his brow of confusion.

Then he called out your name, "Hello", he waited, a second passed by, nothing, a minute passed by, and still, no sound. He walked the hallway, looking for you, "Hello?!" He called out again. Maybe your in a deep sleep right now.As he opened the bedroom in hope of seeing you there but he was face with a clean neatly room.Making him stern face completely flashed with Confusion.As he looked around every corner thinking your trying to scare him.Which in case you were scaring him with possibility of something happening to you.

But after 20 minutes running and checking each room.One he found you had left your phone and two he hates these emotions he was feeling.

He approached your phone, wondering what you had been up to, but as he looked through it, all of your chats seemed normal. No unusual messages, no secret contacts. In fact, everything seemed normal.

He glanced at your photos and see’s many pictures of him and you and then your social media profiles, anything that could give him a hint of your whereabouts, but there were no clues. Frustrated, he threw the phone on the bed and ran a hand through his hair.

‘I need to relax before i go do something stupid’ he thinks as he walks through his bedroom and onto the bathroom. He needed a shower to stay calm. As he undress his clothes and steps in the lukewarm shower.

Meanwhile you were actually at the mall with sukuna younger brother ( not little anymore his 18) yuji. In the afternoon,You two were having a blast.Strolling through each store that had something anime related. But as you were buying stuff for you but also for sukuna. But already knowing the stuff you bought were stuff he wasn’t going to wear anywhere else.

At least you bought him some accessories that you two wear.

So you went into your purse to grab your phone to see what time it was and always the stuff sukuna was waiting for to release but you search and you found nothing. . .

The realization that your phone was missing hit you like a freight train, the anxiety that washed over you was almost overwhelming.

Yuji's concern voice, however, did little to calm your panic. The thought of losing all those precious pictures and memories was almost too much to bear.

"How did it happen? Have you looked in your bag again? Maybe it just slipped out somewhere," Yuji suggested, trying to stay calm.

Your mind raced with questions, 'What if it got stolen? What about your contact list? What about your pictures?'. You couldn't help but feel vulnerable without your phone.

"Yeah, I checked my bag, and it's not there," you managed to reply, your voice trembling slightly. The anxiety was palpable.

“okay come on,get go check out in the stores,we went!” Yuji respond gently placing back your glasses to your nose roots. And giving you a trustful smile.That helps ease the anxiety.

“o-okay” you replied with a weak smile. As you and yuji retraced your steps throughout the mall.Yuji asking to every employee in the stores for your phone. After a literal two hours of goong everywhere. Your face filled with overwhelming anxious.As you gave up on it. “It o-okay, let just go back home.I promise ill buy you a phone” Yuji announces; pity filled his eyes. As you forces back those tears. As tell yourself that the real thing is better.

‘Who cares about a device when-‘ You think with a proud smile that. ‘Omg i had everything There!!!’ You mentally screamed,Your smile turn into a frown- a sad frown. Yuji pat your shoulders through the uber drive back home.

A heavy silence fell over the car as you drove back home. Yuji fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, his concern for you palpable in the air.

"Don't worry too much about the phone," he finally said, his voice breaking the silence. "We'll figure it out."

As the car approached the house, he glanced over at you, his eyes taking in your sullen expression. "Hey, we're almost there," he said gently.

When you both arrive at your apartment;Yuji is helping you with getting your bags upstairs.Making sure you got there safely.While making you laugh at his stupidity jokes. The air around you was now calm down. You reach your destination , with a relaxed smile.

looking at yuji with a smile. “You could come over,after all i made you go out with to a mall” you chuckled awkwardly. As you see him chuckled back shaking his head. “No it alright! Trust me i pretty much enjoyed my time with you.Your ten time better than sukuna” he says with a playful voice. Making your lips appear a soft smile.And cheeks warm up at the compliment.

As yuji says his final goodbyes and walks away.You stare at his pink disappearing from your view before turning your attention towards the door. you reach out the keys in your purse to open the door and automatically announce your presence in the cold house.

“Im home-“You take the bags into the house and closing the door behind,your head turning around to be reminded of your tall tattooed boyfriend.As his red orbs creates holes in your frame.His greek like jaw clenched with veins visibly showing. His arms crossed straining his muscles against his shirt. And he’s face was something that makes you stop in your tracks. But right now it wasn’t his casual expression more like a angry cat being mad at it owner. And that owner is you,and you dont know why the cat mad.

“hey. . Babe!” You said with a awkward smile,pushing up your glasses up. Your docky eyes staring up at him before retreating to staring his eyes.Scratching your neck.Flustered with how intense his glaze was on your frame. “where were you?” his deep and low voice echoes through the rooms,like a king with authority. You stand still like a kid in trouble but you weren’t. He walks up close to you.His frame creating a shadow surrounding you. Red orbs glowing in his shadows. And he repeated himself.

“Where. were. You?” His voice eerie calm,as a low hmm could be heard from his chest.Yet there was an edge towards his voice.

Taken a back a bit;blinking at him before speaking.“I went out with yuji and we went to the mall i told this to you.Last night but i guess you were too sleepy to hear me.And i think while shopping i forgot my phone-no i loss my phone”. You explain quickly.Pushing up your glasses.

”And I completely forgot to tell you today.Sorry baby!I should’ve used Yuji phone- You rapidly rumble on, without stop.As you constantly push back up your glasses. Sukuna stops you from rumbling on by interrupting you. ”Yea you should’ve” Voice lanced with annoyance.

“I-i” you stamped on your words,trying to reason with him.

“I came here home,to a silent home and when i saw your phone.”He eyes narrowed slightly.His hand run through his pink salamander hair in frustration. “No text,no calls,no annoying voice nagging me,nothing”

Your heart brokes out in peices as you hear him speak his pain.Your eyes widen in guilt. Mind screaming for your own actions. “S-sorry, i-i clearly” you exhaled a breath before. “Please forgive me baby kuna” your eyes plead. his blood crimisons eyes glance at you and scoffed.He didnt answered right away and instead look away.Jaw clenched.As one of his ironic frowns appears on his face.

You got this man worry for nothing. . .he wont admit it, but his mind and body felt like a lot more relaxed. Seeing your docky eyes staring at him and your presence makes his quiet life more interesting.

“Next time,if your loser ass forget the phone again,just dont”he mutters as his glaze on you moves to the kitchen.A Bit of blush spread on upon his frowned face. A smile tugged on your lips as you nodded.”Mhm” you cheerfully said.You walked up to him as you embrace his large frame.Wrapping your small frame around him.Instinctively noticing his body going stiff.As you bury yourself in his chest.

“Got you something. . .” You mumbled in his chest.As His lips parted to say something but scoffed out loud.Awkwardly patting your back.Which you never minded.His eyes soften up. He mumbled back.

“Do i even want to know how they look?” He asked his voice more softer than before. You chuckled at his response shaking your head.Removing your head from his chest to look up at him with greeky smile. “Probably not”.

He rolls his eyes.As the hand he was patting your back came to the top of your head and ruffled your hair. Muttering with a smirk on his lips. “Of course,punk”

Sukuna does not do karaoke. In matter of fact he hates them. The horrifying voices he had to endure.

But god knew you lived with it. In fact, he doesn’t even know why you brought Yuji along.

And now he’s in a karaoke booth;agasinst his right basically. Sitting down in the small couch in the karaoke booth.His legs speard out,hands spayed onto the couch surfaces.Annoyance spreads across his face.As the LED lights hit him with it their colorful glow.

This was not how he wanted to spend his day off at all.

Meanwhile, you and Yuji were practically vibrating with excitement, scrolling through the song selection. It was honestly disgusting how much energy the two of you had. If he had to compare you to animals, you’d both be golden retrievers,overly friendly, overly excitable, and cringey.

‘Loser’ He mutter underneath his lips.His eyes stayed on your frame.

“A-alright Yet get this started” You Announce with a slight stutter.Pointing at sukuna with a smile.“YURR!LET GET IT”Yuji Joined along. As you grab the mic and pass one to yuji. Checking it easliy. As the beats started to take place.The Tv screen showing the song they chosen.

Ocean saga,epic the muiscal by Jorge Rivera.

“ THESE WAVES AND TIDES HAVE Grown in strength and size!!” Your voice singing every words but in his head not the melody.Walking around with over-the top hand gestures.

“IS IT NATURE OR DIVINE OR A BLESSING IN DISGUISE?! OUR HOME’s in sight, This storm’s Our final FIGHT THERE’s no time to die,comrades!!”

Yuji interrupted. “But Sir!” yuji clenching his fist.You turn with your hand up in air. Head down. “EMBRACE FOR A STORMS”Your lips in a full grin as you point a finger out sukuna. As you and yuji doing rolling gestures.

“This has be the worst thing ive ever had the misfortune of listening to” Sukuna sighs rubbing his temples off.As your both performances continued.

“Captain, we will capsize with thesе waves, our fleet will fail” Yuji voice rages out as you approach with your mic close to your mouth to Sukuna. Giving him an small wave and quirky smile. “Have them follow my ship, I'll ensure that we prevail,STORM ,STORM!!”

God please bless him with the patience of listening to you sing-actually to both of you.BOTH of y’all voices weren’t never meant to be in Broadway.

"Idiots" he muttered under his breath "Absolute idiots... singing like that."

And then you have the audacity to ask him to sing play with you and Yuji for one song. “PLEASE!!” You begged

“PLEASEE UNC!!” Another plead from his annoying brother.

“No” he stated flaty; Arm crossed like a wall of Stubbornness. Before continuing. “Andfor the last time—IM Not A UNC!” He roared.

Yuji pouted like a kicked puppy.

You, however, were determined. With a sudden thud, you dropped to your knees, hands clasped together in an act of pure, shameless desperation.

“P-please, babe!! I-i’ll let you do all the chores in the house!!” you stammered, voice trembling with exaggerated sincerity.

Yuji, who had also dropped to his knees beside you, immediately turned to stare at you in abject horror. “What the hell?! You just offered yourself up to a literal CYCLOPS!”

Sukuna hearing-no watching this absurd exchange with mild amusement. Boy was he humor by this. Clicking his tounge against the wall of his mouth. Shaking his head. “What on earth are you two losers talking about ”

Yuji answered first ;his puppy eyes staring into his red orbs.“WE JUST NEED SOMEONE TO PLAY THE ROLE OF POSEIDON PLEASE”His voice full with dramatic urgency.

“PLEASE YOUR LIKE PERFECT FOR HIM!” You followed behind.

Sukuna Stared at yall with unimpressed eyes. Oh,hell no he wasn't going to get dragged by yall.

Right. . .

Nope-You got him singing as Poseidon in the end.At least he gonna gain some reward from you doing a chores. But he know deep down; you weren’t gonna do shit.But hey seeing that smile glowing because of him is worth it.

Hope you like this as well. Hope yall have a wonderful day.Please forgive the grammar errors.

Mutual taglist: @ciggrx @ukininayu @scoobysnakz @lynxslokley @mononijikayu

Your welcome to always comment or reblog as well. I always appreciate your feedback.

Made by @sukioyakio 2025

[redrayvenrr]

Y'all are sleeping on Sweets headcanons, so I am here to pick up the slack (which ended up becoming a long rant, and I'm not sorry)

-Sweets' bitch from another ditch Gael is a tattoo artist, y'all know Sweets is Gael's test dummy

Sweets is probably covered head to toe in the randomists tattoos. They got at least one full sleeve, 7 of them are incomplete, and maybe like 3-5 of them are actually ones Sweets wanted

But I offer you Nat coloring Sweets' tattoos to the point where Sweets buys her temporary tattoo markers for her birthday

-Essence Eaters live longer than the average person, right? So Sweets could easily be twice Law's age but is still making fun of him and calling him an old man despite him being in his 20's (imagine Sweets being born in the 70's-80's and Law 90's-early 2000's XD Sweets is very happy that ripped jeans are back in style)

I also imagine Sweets with longer hair because at some point they decided that going to get a hair cut every month or so is too much of a hassle for how long their life span is (and I offer you Sweets eventually needing to dye their hair grey to match Law's so they still look like a couple to non-attuned (I'm not sorry))

Also, remember that in the "getting patched up-" video Law says that "this doesn't look like one of the little scuffles you do for fun at the circle"???? Hello??? Street fighter Sweets??? Go kick ass Sweets you got this baby

-And scars?? I'd imagine they'd obviously have the few you get from childhood, and if we're going with street fighter Sweets, then they probably have a bit more than normal. Like on their knuckles and maybe one on their cheek/forehead/lip/ankles or something. But ya know, it's just for fun, and every once in a while, they're not addicted to fighting or anything

But then the fight with Joel? Joel was out for blood, and Sweets practically died. There are definitely scars, one of which I imagine being a scratch over their eye cause I'm edgy like that (plus it makes sense that Joel would use everything in his arsenal to take down the all powerful Sweets which means nails and playing dirty).

But there is definitely a bite scar since he drained Sweets' lifeforce, which is why they were so concerned about Law getting scarred after the train incident. They don't want him living through that pain they feel every time they see their own bite scar (and ya know they can't live with the idea of hurting Law so "please at least don't let my mistakes scar")

-And speaking of the train incident Law stated that Sweets is strong as all hell and I'm here for it and I need them to crush a watermelon and Law looses his shit (buff Sweets for the wiiiin)

-Sweets' heartbeat was already a comfort for Law, but after Joel, you'll often find Law pressed against their heart. Cuddling on Sweets' chest is a must. When Law has a bad day, Sweets immediately presses him against their chest. Hugs often are one of Law's arms wrapped around them and his other hand press against their chest. Law sitting in between Sweets' legs so he can lean his back or shoulder against their heart

-I think it would be funny if Sweets also had an accent (like Bitish or Scottish or some shit) and everyone enjoys watching Nat struggle with her own accent because she'd have the weirdest mix of her father's southern, her mother's average american, and Sweets' (maybe a bit of uncle desdes)

(And while we're talking about Nat, when are we getting her dog!??! Please, I need the household to just become Spy X Family)

-Can we talk about how good Sweets is with kids? Where did you pick that up? Cause I just always imagined them as an orphaned only child? Like I physically can't see them with a family before Law and Nat, but maybe that's just me

(Maybe they grew up in foster homes and were always the older sibling of the group? Idk)

-One order of Sweets being good at the guitar and singing, strumming their guitar while Law plays the piano and singing Nat to sleep please

Sweets being in a band as a teen in the 80's/90's sounds like good blackmail for Gage to abuse (especially the hair) (but like imagine them doing a killer rift then proceeding to sing Def Leppard)

-I think their job would be like a metal worker or glass blowing, and I don't have an explanation as to why

-Sweets honestly feels like the most responsible and mature person out of all the characters they're just shit at taking care of themself and, say it with me: ✨️traumatized✨️

-I also imagine Sweets as a male, but that's my own problem

But imagine Nat finally calling them dad, and they just combust

Plus Sweets feels like one of those dads who drops a piece of lore then never speaks of it again (whereas Law is the hands on hips, legs apart dad pose (you know the one I'm talking about))

The idea of Sweets being "one of the guys" with Law's coworkers gives me life (because yes Love/Newbie is also a male cause if Desmond isn't just a pure gay man then you're wrong (honestly like 90% the listeners are male in my head)idk)

[asheepinfrance]

tashisita. tash tash. miss dunc dunc. the duncanator. tashi washi bobashi banana fana fofashi. i love her so bad. i hope this came out alright because ive been putting off writing this for maybe?? a week. so. yeah. it's been busy lately but also im just lazy so you choose what actually kept me from posting anything of substance... The Substance (2024). im gonna stop doing this now. hope you enjoy <3 as always yada yada comments and critiques appreciated blah blah i love you.

Had you taken the time to grow up faster, maybe your timing wouldn’t be so bad. You’d been too busy enjoying the sweet, innocent moments of childhood to grapple with your pending adulthood, or at least your first steps into it. College: the one thing that had been both at the forefront of your mind and desperately pushed to the wayside. If you can’t see it, it can’t see you. The process of applying was a blur, but Tashi had helped you out, and you do remember those parts. You remembered all the movie breaks, the nights smoking haphazardly rolled joints out of her bedroom window and panicking every time you heard her parents’ footsteps in the hall, you remember each night you’d spend hours whispering and giggling into each other’s faces and each time your bare leg would touch hers it just made you laugh more. Those times still felt like clinging onto childhood, those times still felt like being young enough not to worry about anything outside of the four walls of your bedroom, still painted the pale pink you’d chosen when you were four. You can’t change it now, or you lose that safety blanket of still having a piece left of little you. Perhaps that’s what was so unfortunate about the whole situation: Tashi was what kept you from growing up, and now that you’re about to leave, you’re grown enough to realize there’s something there you’d never wanted to acknowledge.

Everyone thinks Tashi is gorgeous, because she is. You’d never thought much of it when the thought crossed your mind. And, sure, that time in middle school spent using one another as kissing practice creeps up on you at night, when there’s an uncomfortable heat in your body that nothing seems to be fixing. You were teenagers then, just barely, inexperienced and using far too much tongue. Sloppy, to be blunt. It’s still the best kiss you’ve ever had. But none of this meant anything unless you let yourself think it did. So it meant nothing, until today. Until a day before Tashi goes to Stanford, and she’s ripped out of the grasp you didn’t know was as tight as it is. If you didn’t find something to make you laugh, you’d most certainly cry, and Tashi was never one for tears, so you made an arrangement. You’re pressed shoulder to shoulder on the bed you still sleep in for the next few days, watching some movie that you hadn’t watched since the 7th grade. It isn’t very good now that you both can think more critically than finding the actors attractive. She’d always found the teenage boy with the blue eyes adorable, you’d always found his girlfriend more interesting.

There’s nothing more interesting happening on screen than there is right beside you. A living, breathing girl who holds every piece of your heart in her hands, whether she knows it or not. You hadn’t even be aware until just now, but it’s not new. She’s had you since the moment you’d met her, just the way she caught everyone. She kept you, though, and that’s not a common privilege. You can live with never being loved by her if you get to keep the knowledge that for one time you were hers. She’s too perceptive not to feel your eyes on her, because she’s always been too much of everything that she has. You know she feels you listening to the sound of her breathing like it’s the world’s most beautiful symphony, she can see that you’re letting your eyes walk the leisurely path of her cheeks, climb the steep mountain of her nose, just to reunite with hers. You, however, aren’t perceptive enough to know that she revels in it.

Tashi found you confusing, despite understanding you so well. It’s not that she didn’t understand you, because she could probably write out your exact internal monologue if all she received was a sidelong glance, she didn’t understand why you do to her what you do. Was it your unending loyalty, like a dog to its owner? Was it the way you sought her out in every crowd, even if you could hold your own without her? Was it that you seem to be the only person who expects nothing of her but a friend? Maybe it was all of those things. Or, maybe, it was none of them. Maybe it was just that you are you, that you always have been you, despite the changes made. And she loves you like she thought she never could love anyone. She loves you the way she loves tennis: like you set everything in her on fire and make her bend and sway like a melting candle. It’s fine when it’s tennis. Tennis is set by rules, ones which she has an expert grasp on, and commands with ease. With you, it’s terrifying. She can’t predict the way you make her feel because it’s different. It’s new. It’s something that makes her fiddle with the cross around her neck at night, staring at her ceiling, because all she can think about is you, you, you. You when you borrowed her dress for a party and wore it better than she ever could, you when you curled into her in sleep, you when you floated through a room like your feet never needed to make contact with the ground. Effortless in all that you do, is what she thinks. You feel so deeply, and hold things so tenderly, and she’d rather never play tennis again than never experience the depths of you the way she wants to. 

She tells you she loves you, like she has a million times over. You respond the same way you have since middle school, a whispered reciprocation of sentiments. And she aches, she melts, you never stop watching her with utter fascination. She’s loved you for a long time, of course, because that’s what best friends do. She’s been in love with you since you first let her be herself, and not what tennis needs her to be: a teenage girl. She waits for the gears to start turning in your head, for that light in your eyes to shift to one of pensiveness. Tashi has never been one to wait for anything. She grabs opportunity by the hair and pulls it towards her. She doesn’t bask in glory, just moves on to the next conquest. But she waits for you. She’ll wait until her hair is gray and the smooth planes of your face have aged with time, and she’d love you just the same. It hurts to wait so long, but she likes it. She likes that ache to remind her she can feel, to remind her that this is a sacrifice worth making. Beauty is pain, and what you have, what you could have, is beautiful. It’s only right it should burn her a bit. 

You do realize, though. You realize, and convince yourself you’re wrong, and realize all over again. You take in that sweet, all-knowing gaze of hers and it’s still true that if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. Cry big, happy tears that run off your face and into your lap. Maybe she’d wipe them for you. But you choose to laugh. You laugh, untamed and free, raucous and unabashed, and the most beautiful thing Tashi has ever heard. That sound alone could pull her from sleep, send her into a trance. She’d do anything you asked if it meant hearing that again. She could go deaf and be satisfied with all she’s heard, blind because she’s seen all the beauty the world can offer, and it’s wrapped up into one tangible human being. A human being who’s now cupping her face in their palms and breathing in her scent and kissing her like she’d only ever been kissed in middle school. It’s more practiced and controlled now, with the two of you having gained experience through the years. It feels the same. It feels better. It feels like pulling gasps and sighs from each other’s mouths with the brush of a tongue or the caress of a thumb. Timing is bad, sure, now that there’s less time to explore this in person, but you’ve got tonight. You’ve got enough time to familiarize with each other’s bodies the way you have each other’s souls, to kiss one another breathless, to make your hearts beat in time. You can worry about the final things to pack, or the movie you were never really watching’s ending some other time. Right now, it’s Tashi. Tashi and the freedom of letting yourself be who you are, with who you want to be yourself with, without the fear of being judged for it.

[mirrortouchedsea]

dark. that was all he had ever known. cold, dark, damp. the boy shivers in the small room, painfully alone, only a book and his magic to keep him company. he tries not to use his magic very often, though. it seemed that the people above knew when he used it and they always always always refused to give him food until he “woke up” next, if they bothered to keep track of that. maybe this time he’ll learn their lesson. the boy whispers his spell, cur memini, and creates a small light in his fingers. this is the only spell he can cast safely, too small to be noticeable by the people above. he holds his hand over the fading book on the floor. the boy can’t read the letters on the page, but this book has pictures. he flips through it again, careful of the pages that were falling apart, admiring the figure in armor who always comes to rescue the figure in the tower, cut off from the world, just like him. the boy frequently dreams of a figure in armor coming to save him, despite the years he has spent alone. dark and cold and damp. 

the room the boy lives in, the only room he has memories of, is empty besides himself and the book. sometimes the people above would give him water and stale bread to eat, and then there was a cup and a dirty plate, but otherwise it was just the boy and the book. the boy knows why the people above have locked him away, they told him that he was a freak of nature, unnatural, dangerous. but the boy could only make lights in his palm, and that wasn’t very dangerous at all. he thinks to himself that the people above are the dangerous ones, locking away a child for something like this, but he can’t say that out loud. he doesn’t want to die again. 

the boy’s stomach grumbles and he curls in on himself, the light in his palm fades out. he longs to see the sun again, to play with the other children he can hear through the ceiling, to be normal. the people above must have decided to punish him again, though, as he doesn’t remember the last time he had anything to drink, to eat. his stomach would eat through his skin and he would still wake up the next day. why can’t he just die once and for all and be rid of the pain? why is the world keeping him here? why was he even born?

the boy closes his eyes, and falls asleep. maybe this time it won’t hurt so much. 

--- 

how long has he been here? the boy doesn’t keep track of time. he knows he’s died at least a dozen times, but how long does it take for a dozen lifetimes to pass? 

--- 

a clattering on the floor wakes the boy up. the people above decided he can eat today. stale bread and water again, but better than nothing to the boy. he crawls closer to it, listening to the door. it closes and the voices disappear. where was the sound of the lock? did they forget? 

the boy scarfs down his food and water before tiptoeing up the stairs. he doesn’t hear any voices, but he needs to be careful. he doesn’t remember what the above looks like, but he needs to leave. he needs to be free. 

slowly, quietly, he opens the door. it’s dark on the other side of it, but still much, much brighter than his room ever was. he closes his eyes but keeps the door open. breathe in, and out. opens his eyes again, blinking the brightness away. pushes the door further open. steps on the hard ground outside the door. he’s so close. closes the door quietly. turns around and holds his breath. where was outside? pick a direction and go. his legs hurt. turn the corner, listen for voices. voices are dangerous, get away from the voices. whisper his spell, create a small light. keep moving keep moving keep moving. window ahead. break it? open it? is he strong enough? lift the window up. too weak. voices coming. hurry hurry hurry must get out now. whisper spell again, hand on window. break the glass and jump through it. cuts on feet cuts on legs deal with that later. voices getting louder voices shouting. run run RUN. 

the boy runs away from the building, away from his room. freedom is so close. first get to the trees, then… he hasn’t thought that far, but he will find a way. gunshots from the house. he runs faster, must get to the trees, must hide, must be free. cur memini, he whispers again, crossing into the forest. his spell can make lights and now break windows, but he needs it to protect him at this moment. run run run until the voices are quiet again. his legs are giving out, but he needs to run. he can’t die now or they’ll find him. keep running. bare feet on sticks and stones and sharp things, everything hurts but he can’t stop. he keeps running until the sun comes up. his heart beats out of his chest. 

--- 

when he wakes up he doesn’t know how much time has passed. his heart beats fast and he sits up. did they find him? he looks around. trees, rocks, a gurgling stream. he’s free. he’s free. he sighs and lays back down. how far did he run? he needs to go further. away from other people, away from anyone who might lock him up again. he sits up again and forces himself to stand and walk towards the sound of the stream. he can start there. water is important, and he might be able to get food from the little stream too. 

his first drink of the stream water is icy cold, quenching his lifelong thirst in just a few swallows. he washes his face with it, removing years of sweat and grime. he wants to sit by the stream forever if only he could, but the people will find him eventually if he doesn’t keep moving. but he allows himself a few minutes to bathe in the water, savoring the feeling of water on his skin. his stomach still growls, wanting something more filling than the freezing water of the stream, but that would have to wait. he needs to get his bearings. 

the light of the outside world is almost blinding, he realizes. the sun and the snow made it almost impossible to see anything. he should get up above the trees. can he even do that? cur memini, he says, trying to get his voice to be louder than a whisper. his feet float a few inches above the ground. he closes his eyes and says his spell again with more conviction. Cur Memini. he feels himself shooting into the air before he opens his eyes. he can see the forest stretch out for miles around him. trees covered in snow in every direction. if the old house is behind him, he should fly straight ahead, towards the forests on the mountains. tentatively, he leans forward and focuses his magic on keeping himself afloat. 

it doesn’t take much to exhaust what little magic he has, but he’s put more distance between himself and the old house and the people above now. he should be safe to rest, truly rest. but first he should find something to eat. is there anything to eat out here? something in his head tells him to look a little closer to the ground. to his left. there’s a bush full of berries. he’s never had anything but stale bread, and doesn’t know what to expect as he crushes one with his teeth. 

the sensation overtakes him for a brief moment. the berry is sweet, yet tart, and delicious. it’s the best thing he’s ever eaten and he thanks the little voice in his head for the information as he picks several more berries from the bush. the juice runs down his chin and makes him sticky, but it feels good. he feels truly alive for the first time. 

once he’s finished picking the bush clean of its fruits, he needs to find a place to rest, to stay warm. he’s shivering in the intense cold of the north, but it’s nothing he isn’t used to. the room was never very warm after all. he listens to the little voices calling out to him, guiding him towards a small cave, instructing him on how to make a small fire to warm himself up. a small rabbit brushes against his leg and he swears one of the voices is coming from it. and with the fire going, he thanks the rabbit before it hops away back into the snow. he would be roasting that same rabbit over the fire a few months later. 

the boy can’t stay in the cave forever though. as days turn to weeks turn to months, he worries that the people above are getting closer to him. they’ll put him back in that cold, dark, damp room again. he needs to keep moving. he has been practicing his magic, casting stronger spells, and he needs to be ready to fly. it's been long enough. cur memini he says holding his hand out. a rough stick with twigs tied to the end flies into his hand. it’s a poor excuse for what he understands is a broom, but it will work. he climbs onto it and focuses. cur memini cur memini cur memini. he lifts off the ground and watches as the branches of the trees get shorter and eventually he passes above the treetops. 

he takes a moment to gather his bearings. he no longer remembers the direction the house was in, but going up is his best bet of staying away from the people above. he laughs, realizing that he is the one above them now. after a moment, he flies into the mountains. the small voices change into bigger, unfamiliar ones as he gets further into the mountain range. they tell him to hide, to stay away. he doesn’t listen. they cannot be more dangerous than the humans he is running from. 

the boy lands, still exhausted from using so much magic, but he was able to travel further this time. that has to count for something, surely. he gathers some sticks and looks for another cave to make his home in. the caves remind him too much of the room he left, so he chooses to stay close to the entrance, close to the light that reminds him he is free. the fire keeps the animals away, but the voices are curious about the new presence in their woods. they make him curious too. he should stay in the cave tonight though and regain his energy. maybe he can get some small game to fill his stomach before settling in for the night. he listens for a rabbit’s voice, or maybe a squirrel, anything that would be small enough to kill with his hands. 

at last, a small fox’s voice is heard nearby. he wonders if fox will taste different from the other game he’s eaten thus far. he lifts a hand-sized rock and slinks out of the cave towards the voice. it takes a few minutes to find the source, but the fox is curled under a tree, shivering, hungry, just like him. the boy hesitates before bludgeoning it and slinging the corpse over his shoulders. there are more foxes. he is much more important. 

the fox is only the first animal he hunts in those mountainous woods. he spends several years in that forest and eventually humans settle up there as well. the boy, or rather, the man now, has made a name for himself amongst the human populations of the north. he is no longer afraid of humans capturing him and locking him up. they are still terrified of him, but now he is in control of that terror. the hunters that left his territory alive whispered tales of the great wizard owen who inhabited the mountains and terrorized anyone who had the bad luck of running into him. 

all of this is perfectly fine with owen. eventually his reputation will grow beyond himself, encapsulating atrocities that were impossible for even someone as strong as oz to commit, but that would be a problem for future owen. for now, he is still young and living in his cave on the outskirts of a small village and scaring hunters who stray too far from their boundaries. the wolves don’t like these visitors either and gladly listen to owen’s lamentations. it keeps his hands clean of the bloodshed if he isn’t casting the spell himself. the wolves don’t care for owen either, but they respect him. and that is enough for owen. 

the first of the unwanted visitors was a young man, someone who wanted to provide for his family. he pleaded with owen and the wolves to let him go and he wouldn’t cause any problems. those pleas fell on deaf ears though as owen looked the man in the eyes. won’t your family be disappointed, he asked almost innocently, you don’t have anything to show for your efforts. the man stammered a response, they’d rather i come back alive with nothing than die trying to find food. is that so, owen reached out for the man’s chin, the distance between their faces was almost nothing. y-yes, sir, please just let me go and i won’t bother you anymore. owen grinned. oh i’m sure you won’t be causing us any trouble again. the wolves stalked out of the woods, drooling at the prospect of tearing a piece of that man for themselves. owen snapped his fingers, and they came running forward, only to stop mere inches from the now trembling man. there was a suspicious yellow stain in the snow beneath him. p-p-please sir, anything you ask, it’s yours! then make sure you tell the rest of your little village that this forest belongs to the great wizard owen. the man ran off, leaving behind a hunting rifle and a ratty sack. the rifle would be of use, but the sack became tinder for his fires. 

despite the warning from that first man, hunters continued to enter into owen’s territory. and one after the other, they ran off screaming with their tails between their legs. this should have annoyed owen, that people would ignore all of the warnings and stories that had started popping up about him, but it doesn’t. their fear feeds into his magic power, only making him stronger, and that is all fine with owen. he is no longer a weak child locked in the damp, dark basement, and he never will be again. 

[urprofsqueermenace]

had no problem falling asleep 2 days in a row!! ...but both times I woke up before my alarm

[seaofreverie]

Anyway how is everyone doing

[thethingything]

I need to call our dentist today because we're back to pretty much unmanageable levels of pain, but also our gums are swollen and that side of our face is hot to the touch and our mouth keeps tasting really bad so clearly there's something very wrong

[no1ryomafan]

SRW is such a funny thing for me to think about cause it’s like “wow a trpg game that’s been ongoing for decades that really encapsulates how huge and significant mecha is to japan by having every and all mecha been featured in this giant crossover that also has really cool attack animations that replicate the shows they’re from well, with new original content for some shows sprinkled in as well” at first glance then I proceed to be salty by going “oh wait the main show I like in here is only ever used for one iteration which they end up butchering and all the other mechas I’ve liked have shown up maybe once because I’ve liked the ones that had to flop in Japan- also this game caused tags to be unnecessarily filled with crossovers and people acting like they know a series just because it was in SRW thanks I hate it” and this cycle is only a constant because I haven’t actually played a SRW besides 30s demo for a bit 💀

[kordbot]

as the weather gets colder and the seasonal depression kicks in I learn that the depression I had throughout summer was not summer seasonal depression but in fact just regular depression

[izzy-b-hands]

One of the neighbours we share a wall with has a phone sitting entirely too close to said wall, and all. I. Can. Hear. Are the every two to five minute sharp little 'ping' of notifications going off for the last fucking hour and yea it's a soft noise but that's somehow worse for the love of fuck pick up the phone or turn off notifs jfc it's driving me fucking mad

[gottagobuycheese]

I swear every year I split the hairs of deadlines worse and worse and I’m SURE someday it’ll kill me and I’ll maybe even learn my lesson but man how much do I have to suffer until then

[clementinesforthesoul]

turns out my cramps hurt too much and im too tired from having to deal with yet another change to my opening statement to dance as exercise

its just four minutes that i have to memorize in sixteen days, i can do that, i literally memorized a five minute opening i the same time frame but holy shit i feel sick to my stomach

maybe i should go to sleep early tonight

[malachitezmeyka]

Forever torn between “If I get my first F since I was in the fifth grade that might actually be my final straw” and “Omfg I am so beyond giving a fuck at this point leave me alone”

Of course, there’s always a chance I could successfully argue my point that hey, it’s gonna be very unfair if you give me an F for not writing an essay I don’t know how to write. Like, the essay I’ll have to write to be allowed to sit my exam in May is a pain in the ass, but it at least has a structure that is relatively easy to follow. But essays for literature class? They’re actually fucking beyond me. I’ve written like.. three of those in my life, two were bullshitted so completely that in the one based on Hero of Our Time, I said that Pechorin is somehow both a fatalist and NOT a fatalist at the same time and I still have no idea how I got an A for it, and the third took me three tries to do and it still was barely passable. I don’t know how to do them, nobody will fucking EXPLAIN how to do them, and… honestly, I’d much rather take the F and not bother than work my ass off and write something my teacher will ruthlessly pick apart. It’s less humiliating that way

But will my teacher listen to me? Probably not. She low-key hates me anyway

[puppmeo]

Have you ever been assumed to be romantically attracted to someone and even just the thought of that makes you want to throw up . Anybody

[phagodyke]

in a veryyyyy strange mood right now 😵‍💫