#or at least i think thats why he left dr who

[thebraxiatelcollection]

Why is RTD suddenly thinking the Sonic Screwdriver looks like a gun ???

It's such a dumb thing to say, if he even really said it. The whole point of the screwdriver is that it never looked or behaved anything like a gun. I'd never have made the association in a million years. If anything it was a magic wand pretending to be a piece of technology.

But also isn't there a clip in the trailer with Ruby holding a massive gun too??

[exopelagic]

I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3

[vanyafresita]

my si-5 designs ! maybe i draw later the hephaestus crew too...

anyways after making this to have as a reference for whenever i want to draw them, imma yap here under the read more all i want about my headcanons for them (cracks fingers)

alana maxwell is very saeyoung from mystic messenger coded, thats why i gave her the dr pepper can lmfao

also she is literally aroace i wont take criticism for this one

to me she's transfem too, but i only like to think about that if jacobi is ALSO trans bcs i love me a t4t queerplatonic relationship

she forgets to eat often so shes a lil underweight- but its okay kepler and jacobi will make sure she doesnt actually faint from hunger

she is also taller than jacobi i tihnk she would b like... 176cm or so... jacobi is like 170cm and kepler is around 185cm

she also doesnt have a lot of scars on her body since she gets protected when working on a laptop by the other two during ops (or she is working as a sniper, and thus she isnt a direct target most of the time)

unlike kepler who prefers hand to hand combat, or jacobi who joins him and also messes around with chemicals and explosives often

absolutely random thought, but alana is canadian to me ! warren is american and jacobi is chilean (i am latino, me reservo el derecho de latinificar a un personaje por cada obsesión que tenga xoxoxo)

jacobi wears a hearing aid on his right ear too btw !! an accident with a small explosive left the right side of his face and his ear damaged !

jacobi paints his nails too (he actually doesnt, its alana the one who does, jacobi has a terrible case of shaky hands)

both maxwell and jacobi wear glasses, but while maxwell uses them 24/7, jacobi just.... does not care. they keep getting broken one way or another so he doesnt bother... he can see from up close, so who cares ! (at some point tho, he get convinced to get eye surgery, so he obliges)

okay switching to kepler's sexuality... he is aro and very horny for jacobi we all know this like. its very obvious i fear.... like... yeah

jacobi is bi... i feel like he had a crush on alana at first, but the closer he got to her something changed and, believe me, he does love her A LOT (probably more than kepler) just not in a romantic way !! ergo: qpps

and because jacobi is a masochistic idiot of course he fell in love with his evil boss CMON MAN GET BETTER TASTE <- alana to daniel

kepler probably doesnt date tho, most likely he doesnt feel like it would mean much making official any type of relationship they have (aka 'we fuck sometimes, i try my best to be considerate of ur feelings, i dont feel jealousy seeing you being close with maxwell, and i wanna keep her close too'), while jacobi is like. biting his nails trying not to die from love but he knows dating ur boss is not a good path to go down (its already bad they are fucking behind everybody's back- except alana, he cannot keep secrets from alana)

i think the relationship these three have (at least in my head idc about yall's opinions LMAO) is absolutely insane and it makes me act like a rabid dog, i lose all coherence trying to explain how they make me feel

they are all in love with each other, just in very wildly different ways

i love thinking about jacobi and maxwell's closeness, how they care for each other, the vulnerability, the love, the devotion, how open they are and how little they care about how others perceive them

i love thinking about kepler actually trying to make an effort to be romantic, getting it wrong often, and then having to deal with jacobi being passive aggressive; WARREN JUST TELL HIM U DONT GET ROMANTIC LOVE, YOU JUST LIKE HIM AND WANNA MAYBE DATE AND DEFINITELY BANG, DONT BE STUPID

i love...... whatever the fuck kepler and maxwell have going on... not romantic or platonic, but a secret third thing.... the mutual respect and admiration, the overprotection feeling.....

jacobi is sooooo glad his two most favourite people in the world get on well, he'd die if kepler and maxwell weren't on good terms... but thank god all three of them are fucked up and obsessed, and insane and love each other

they all love to banter, they would kill each other, they would kill for the others, they cant stand to be near, they would die if they are apart, they need to be so close together you cant tell apart where one ends and the other stars

as a side note of my designs, i wanna comment how confused i was when i finished the podcast, checked the art tag, and saw most people draw warren kepler as a white man, like i got jumpscared ngl IM SORRYYYY

listen when i heard his honey voice... that cadence... he gave me this very clear image of distinguished bald tall black man, the image went straight to my brain and i have not been able to imagine him otherwise

and i keep seeing him drawn white and blond and with blue eyes and i feel SO SCARED like i have nothing against those designs but its so confusing because to me he is that type of attractive motherfucker that charms everybody around with a smile, that make people trust him blindly from how confident his posture and personality is... and to me (poc person) a white blond blue-eyed man does NOT inspire me trust lmfaoooo so i guess i may be biased ?

anyways i know warren kepler is a divisive character !!! he is so fucked up and complex and hot HE IS MY EVERYTHING im gonna throw up /pos im so obsessed with him... you evil bastard... youre my babygirl, ure so important to me, your war crimes and horrible morality is charming to me <3 i dont wanna fix him i wanna observe how he makes other people WORST (thinks 24/7 about the implication that he disciplines jacobi and maxwell in very creative ways)

okay anyways IM DONEEEE SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG BUT I DONT CARE ITS MY BLOG AND MY HEADCANONS AND ITS ALL UNDER A READ MORE SO I CAN YAP TO THE NOTHINGNESS AS MUCH AS I WANT OK BYEEE

[butchxenomorph]

I love Caleb Wittebane because he's got like... 5 seconds of screen time and everyone is obsessed with him. he's got a whole personality that we all just like, made up.

Anyway, on the topic of Caleb, I think his character has the potential to be incredibly complex. The way i usually see the brothers talked about is basically: Caleb good, Phillip bad. And while yeah, thats true, its also more complex than that.

Though we know very little about Caleb's story, we do have this: he is Phillip's older brother, who became his caretaker after their parents died (i think their parents died? not sure where i read it). We don't know what their age difference is, but I'm guessing around 3 years, give or take. We know they're puritans who came from Europe. We know that eventually Caleb left Phillip to live in the demon realm with Evelyn. And we know Phillip killed Caleb (leaving Evelyn alone w/ her unborn child). thats about it for what we have in canon.

Its pretty clear that Caleb and Phillip cared a lot about each other. They were the only thing the other one had in the human realm, and Caled would've had to devote a major part of his life to raising Phillip on his own.

I can see why Caleb would've wanted to leave with Evelyn. first of all, it couldn't have been too amazing to live in an early puritan colony. It would've been quite terrible, actually. Not only did Caleb love Evelyn, she also showed him that life could be different from the strict community he had been in his whole life.

Not only that, though Caleb clearly loved Phillip, he probably really wanted a life of his own. He didn't want to abandon Phillip, he just wanted some individuality. Phillip didn't want this, though.

We don't know (at least I don't think we know) how old Phillip was when he lost his parents, but after that event, Caleb would've been the only role model in his life. Caleb was the only thing Phillip really had, and seeing him leave must've been incredibly painful.

Not only did his brother leave him behind, he left to be with a witch, and to live in what their community saw as Hell. Just an immense betrayal. But still Phillip followed Caleb into the demon realm. He walked through what he thought was hell only to get his brother back. and what is that if not an act of immense love?

We don't have a concrete reason as to why Phillip killed Caleb, but there are many theories. I think a particularly interesting one is that Phillip originally intended to kill Evelyn (thinking she had 'tempted' Caleb), but stabbed Caleb after he tried to protect her. Or maybe Phillip was just overcome with anger from being abandoned.. who knows. maybe we'll find out in the finale, maybe we won't

tl;dr: i've got the wittebane brothers brainworms and i wish we could get a whole spinoff just about them there is so much potential there........

[thatlonelycactus]

I saw a post today (I couldn’t find it but if anyone can please tell me) which said that Aziraphale is cynical whilst Crowley is the one who believe in Gods and/or heaven’s goodness. And, whilst I do agree with these to an extent, I think that they were like this before the fall. From where we left them? I don’t think so.

To be fair, I don’t think Aziraphale was ever a cynic. Not truly, at least. Because he always believed and still believed that Heaven can be saved. That, if in the right hands, Heaven can be a force of true good. That’s why he took up the Metatron’s offer (unless you believe in coffee theory, which I refuse to believe in for a range of reasons). He’s an idealist. He thinks he can change it. Is he skeptical about the other archangels? Yes. Was he skeptical of the before the Fall? Yes. Azi believes the system is broken and he and Crowley could be the ones to fix it. THATS why he left at the end of s2. On the other hand, Crowley, as optimistic as he is, is the true cynic. Yes, before the fall he was naive, he let his optimism get the best of him, he thought that no one could be bad. But being separated from everything that you’ve ever loved, being disowned by the only family you’ve ever know is a very steep learning curve. Things still worked out for him because he got to spend time with the love of his life that’s why he remains optimistic. But he has also realised that the system was never fair in the first place. There is no fixing heaven and there is no fixing hell because there was never anything to fix in the first place. But that’s because Crowley has experienced both of these systems, he has realised that neither of them are truly “good”. Because at the end of the day:

Crowley refuses to return to Heaven because at the end of the day he knows that they are just as bad as hell. He has spent so long fighting against both that to return to the sinking ship called Heaven would go against his every belief, every lesson he has been taught unwillingly because Heaven has told them that they didn’t want him long before hell did. But for them to ever really to be in the same page, either Aziraphale will have to realize that Heaven was never truly good or Crowley is going to have to realize that things can change (could be linked to the Jimbriel story arc) tl;dr: this is just me yabbering about the whole Aziraphale believes the system is broken and can be fixed whilst Crowley knows the system is working as it was designed to.

[rhunsui]

That side character i said yesterday was.....

The one,

The only

*drumroll*

Not Spooky...

But

Bruner!

Yep, hes the 'certain side char' that literally no one was waiting for!

Now you definitely are not thinking, Why Bruner? Well, im gonna tell ya whether you like to or not! Cuz you can skip anyway! Theres a TL;DR by the way...

(TL;DR is 'too long; didnt read')

Anyways, the reason that the certain dude is Bruner is cuz he's actually part of the lore! Not a big role, but he kind of plays a part in Helly's past.

Wondering why? You probably arent, but, yk how in the pilot episode of RoboPoli, Bruner was supposed to be part of the rescue team?

Now, in the RPTA, its normal for students to drop out due to the inability to keep up, not everyone's a rescuer!

Im not trying to say that he was an ex-rescuer, im trying to say that when Helly was still RPTA (Rescuer Preparation and Training Academy, ill talk about it in a diff post), One of Helly's coach's mentioned something about Bruner being a past-student there but dropped out.

But Bruner was different, Bruner was doing just fine in the RPTA, he was good at the training, he could keep up. But one day, he just.... left.

Bruner's only explanation about his dropout was, 'Rescuing isnt for me.' After that, his whereabouts were unknown, they thought he went back to his hometown, unfortunately the academy had no info on Bruner's family to know if that were true. So of course he would be remembered by the trainers and coaches of the RPTA.

The way Helly knew about Bruner was like what I said, a coach mentioned Bruner at some point and Helly just so happened to remember it. Bruner was also a common example that the trainers used for the students. What i mean by that is the trainers record their students, Bruner's recordings were usually used and sometimes they would tell the students a bit about Bruner. There is also a file of Bruner somewhere in the faculty room...

Enough about the RPTA, I'll be telling you about Bruner himself!

Bruner was actually very popular during his RPTA times, which kind of the reason he's a lil selfish and loves praise. Honestly, he was probably popular cuz he liked to sneak away to private places to play ball...

Now as to why he dropped out, its because he never wanted to be a rescuer to begin with!

Yeah, he didnt wanna! So why is he even IN the RPTA to begin with?

Well, thats because of his family tree!

His fathers side of the family is a whole line of rescuers, so Bruner was forced to become a rescuer to keep the family tradition going.

Bruner always wanted to be an architect/builder, so when he was forced into training his entire childhood to get accepted, he obviously hated it! Sure, everyone in the academy was nice, but being a rescuer was not what he wanted to be! He may like the attention rescuers get, but he doesn't want THAT much attention, it would be too much for him!

So by the time he was 18, he dropped out of the RPTA to run away and pursue his dream.

The place he ran to, the one and only Broomstown of course! However, his family does not know anything about Bruner's whereabouts... The only ones who know are his cousin's (Aka, Bruny's) family which is on his mother's side. Bruner also got most of his genetics from her side. Bruner trusted them because it was his auntie and cousins that played builder with him, and they didnt care about what Bruner would be, they also promised not to tell!

So thats it, Bruner's story! I guess he's kind of the only one with a proper backstory... But hey, at least he has one, ya know?

Heres the TL;DR -

Bruner used to train to be rescuer, didnt wanna, ran away to Broomstown and his family dunno except cousin's fam (Bruny). Helly heard of Bruner cuz trainers talk abt him sometimes back when he (Helly) was in training.

[camelely]

The Betrayal of Ted Lasso S3

Yea. The title is a bit dramatic but I have been one of those people who will defend the Shandy and Zava arcs. I thought everything had a purpose, but really really this season felt like a turn, and part of it felt like the plot belonged in a different show...

They keep saying this was the three season arc they planned. But this felt very rushed, and wrapped all these plots up too neatly too quickly. Ted was reduced to a manic pixie dream girl floating in and out of peoples lives teaching them about love, forgiveness, and to believe.

Lets start with my least favorite thing in the finale. Reducing the Jamie/Keeley/Roy story to a fist fight and a "choose me over him" arc. Belonged in a different show. Pheobe said it best in the first episode "Why are you breaking up?" Nothing they did this season was better because of the Roy x Keeley breakup. Even Keeley's bi arc. Like she has always been implied bi, so they could have just made it clear with Jack being an ex that resurfaced instead of a new relationship. Imagine the version of the KJPR plot with Jack being an ex. No out of date leaked nudes plot. Roy can be jealous because he thinks maybe Keeley does want to get back with this ex, but he sees that is his problem not hers and works on it internally/with Dr. Sharon. And Keeley can think Jack is just trying to help and apologize for the mistakes she made in their relationship, but soon its clear Jack wants to get Keeley back by funding her business and then pulling her funding when things don't go her way. This leaves Keeley wondering if she ever had any value as a business woman and Rebecca and Roy are there to support her. Rebecca as a friend and financial backer and Roy as a supportive BF. Then Keeley can return the favor supporting Rebecca when she is deciding to sell the club or not, and Roy when he is promoted to manager.

The leaked nudes plot belonged on a show that came out like five/six years ago when society first started to shift and see that the celebrities were the victims. I understand it was a true story from the real Keeley, but seriously it dated a show that could have been pretty universal otherwise. I know they deal with issues like racism and homophobia but those things aren't going anywhere. We have to keep fighting, but those people always exist. Meanwhile the nudes thing has seen a pretty quick shift already. They built Shandy up as this vengeful character, Why didn't they have her do something to try and blow up Keeley's business? Even something simple like an attempt at wrongful termination? Shandy could have posted on her socials and been like "Keeley Jones claims shes for women but she fired me for no reason" got a bunch 'eat the rich' activists on her side since Keeley is backed by a billionaire and caused a lot of problems for the PR firm in the press.

Jamie reconnecting with his abusive parent. Honestly this did feel in place for a show thats all about forgiveness. But the more we learned about him the more he felt worse than Rupert. Absolutely awful. A better ending would have been his death and Jamie coping with the conflicted feelings he has vs the sadness he is expected to show by the media. Or even just letting Jamie move on. "I don't need him. I have a great mom, team, friends, and step dad/mom's bf" (I can't remember if they were married or not lol).

Nate simply quitting off screen and then being welcomed back like it was nothing. Belonged on another show. This one's been talked to death but I'll say it anyway. We see Rupert try to push a boundary and Nate left the bad situation and then fast forward, Nate quits and Rupert is being accused of impropriety. The start of the season was so focused on Nate being an ass to the West Ham players and then they just brush that under and rush him coming back? I didn't need a redemption arc. I liked the apology to Will and Ted's speech to Beard. But I did need to see the moments with Nate's choices. Nate made zero on screen choices this season. I mean even coming back was influenced by Jade.

Jade suddenly liking Nate, belonged on a different show. Okay I didn't hate Jade. I didn't hate that she started to date Nate. I think its weird the writers wrote a possibly racist character and then didn't address it but I guess the white af writers room just didn't get it. But I also liked Jade, Nate needed a no nonsense strong person in his life. I feel like his sister could have filled the role a bit better. But the girlfriend route wasn't bad.

Rebecca and the Amsterdam guy belonged in a rom com. Yea it worked a bit since Ted's whole rom com speech. But still, part of what I liked about the Amsterdam plot was that he was a great guy and a great time and then he was just gone. A happy memory to look back on and nothing more. It was so stupid that she randomly ran into him and they just magically got together. With Rebecca's romantic past ruined by Rupert's behavior. And the Sam relationship being kinda cute kinda doomed boss/employee weirdness it felt like Amsterdam guy was the true rebound she needed to move on and start a new path. Rebecca didn't need an endgame romance imo, she needed a fresh start. While I think she should have sold the whole club and moved on from the Rupert chapter of her life, I didn't hate the selling it to the fans thing. That was a decent way to end her journey. If they wanted her to have an endgame romance why not let the fans get to know the guy? Or flash forward to a guy we have never met implying that she eventually found someone?

Rupert hitting the coach also belonged on another show. Rupert is the guy who has everything work out for him. He's cool and collected and confident. Pushing the guy who wouldn't listen to him didn't seem like a Rupert move. Rupert would have fired him and promoted the guy under him. The big change would be if they had that guy quit and then the next guy quit until Rupert was left with no one. Could have also gone back to the Nate thing. If Nate leaving the toxic environment inspired others to do the same. Rupert publicly loosing his cool might have been fun since hes the worst, but it was too neat a wrapped bow.

Beard and Jane. Why did they literally only tell us everything bad about her if they wanted us to root for them? I'm sure she had some good qualities we could have seen. I did like that Beard was the character that got the ending rom com 'stop the plane' moment.

Colin's coming out. I could have done with less Isaac and more Trent or even less angry Isaac and more supportive Isaac but I liked it overall ngl. The kiss in the final episode was the best romantic moment in all of Ted Lasso. My canon favorite ship was RoyxKeeley but they never had a moment I could turn to. This was perfect and Colin was the best character for it.

The Van Damme thing was dumb. The joke about the mask making him 'Zorro' was dumb. I assume they were making fun of Ron Artest/Metta World Peace/Metta Sandiford-Artest but Zoreaux didn't need that. And it was funny for like one month in 2011, get over it.

Ted. Oh sweet Ted. I loved his talk with Trent about changing the name of the book because its not about him, and Trent taking that note but no others. At the end of the day, Ted's whole thing this season is Jason Sudeikis's whole thing in real life. He has a work family in London but his kids and ex in America. He's still low key in love with his ex and doesn't like the new relationship she's in and even though the new relationship ends pretty quickly it still sucks. And that is exactly what ruined the show. I'm sorry Jason is sad, I get people work through their problems in their art. But what a very emotional Jason sees as a good ending for Jason, is not a good ending for Ted. Ted Lasso the character deserved to decide to report Dr. Jacob (sorry Jason you can't report Harry Styles, he didn't do anything unethical... except maybe spit on Chris Pine...). Ted Lasso deserved a solid relationship with his son and a new partner, whoever you ship him with could work. I mean Sassy could have reported Dr. Jacob and told Ted maybe they could make it work since she is spending some time in the US for work. Or Rebecca with her millions saying she can commute as much as they want. Or a third new person in Kansas. The way the show implied Michelle is single and Ted is single. The 'they are getting along' narrative was a bit much.

The dream ending. Yes Bill Lawrence, this worked for Scrubs because JD was a character constantly fantasizing. But thats not Ted Lasso. This show deserved something more unique and more open ended. The final shot could have been Ted on the plane, smiling and that would beat the weird dream flash forward imo.

Yes the show has a central theme about forgiveness. But in previous seasons the person being forgiven earns that forgiveness. Here it was handed out to everyone regardless of who they hurt and what they did. It undermined Rebecca's s1 arc, Nate's multi season arc, Jamie's multi season arc, etc. The only arc that wasn't undermined was maybe Roy, since he ended up in therapy and actively trying to be better. So I guess good for Roy?

Overall my point is Ted Lasso was special because they marched to a positive and hopeful beat while still discussing hard topics. This season took everything special about the show and garbaged it, creating a messy, bland, and insulting final product that was a shell of the show they created. And they managed to do it in three seasons. Congrats guys? I mean most shows take 5-6 seasons to get truly off the rails.

[flame-cat]

okay kim stans, now that I have your attention I'm dropping a fic idea that I'll never ever make. free to a good home. kisses kisses kisses <3

kind of smashing together a bunch of little ideas I've shown off and also kept in my brain privately for fun-having reasons. it's kind of just my dissertation on why kim is absolutely pathetic when you take down his walls. he's a tin soldier. nothing but thin walls and hollow insides. <- OUGH THATS GOOD USING THAT AT SOME POINT

so basically vague handwavey idea that I think its some time into like, the point a lot of the meta-fandom narrative has gotten to, some time down the line after a lot of the initial Mess post-martinaise smooths out into something that looks normalish, or at least isn't an immediate crisis. harry is on a sober streak, [the Hetero-Sexual Life Partners are at the very least not constantly trying to kill each other (kim has had a Talk with Jean, who is mostly just privately seething and malding now and feeling incredibly sorry for himself). ] <OR> [there was an Incident where Jean got really REALLY sorry for himself and made a whole fucking scene and basically tried to kill himself, heavily based on a fic i read (called Trigger Warning) it kinda woobifies jean a bit but other than that its soooo fucking good but tl;dr the jobwives have made up and ] kim and jean are kind of both Harry's partner in ways? jean is still a satellite officer but a lot of times he gets paired up with Harry and kim and they're kind of the nightmare blunt rotation right now.

soooo again handwaves somehow one of the old cases Kim's partner left behind that was left cold picks up a lead again out of the blue and Kim is. well. he's normally a workaholic but this is intense even for him. like Jesus. nobody at the 41st has seen him like this. he doesn't sleep for days on end. (maybe he picks up speed? from jean? he considers doing it in-game to improve his Performance so I don't think thats above him).

anyway rock meet hard place Harry finally gets the poor sod to take a god damn break and go home, he and jean can sort out his disaster area of a desk and cover for him. Kim obliges, goes home and- OH SHIT WHO IS THAT! uhhh its all very vague in my head here but tl;dr Kim gets jumped maybe? nd this was all some sort of like. Ploy? to uhh . idk I think maybe the moralintern is involved in ways. but uh eyes is alive and was an espionage and faked his death and is now like. idrk yet if He stabbed Kim or what, or why its all even. happening in the first place. and tbh its not important to me cause I'm never gonna write it, I don't plan to its just something to play with at night to fall asleep.

important bit is now Kim is Leaking Everywhere and well. doesn't exactly have time to call gotlieb. so. he stitches himself up (NOT THAT WELL) and trudges back to the precinct to report to pryce. understandably people are freaked out by the Blood and stuff. harry comes with Kim to the briefing. shit gets Revealed. Kim dissociate. harry is like uhhhh okay well his home isn't safe anymore. jean can he crash on your couch can you drive us there while I sit in the back with him. and jean is like. fuck. okay. and yeah Kim kinda comes back into it on the ride there, has a Teensy Weensy (HUGEBADMASSIVE) panic attack, eventually calms down enough to clamber out of the car and. jeans apartment is 4 floors up and there's no elevator. hell on earth. Kim refuses to be helped up but 2 floors up he trips and let's jean help him, then they get to the top and Kim is like. Jean. and jean is like what- ohgodyoureunconsciousnowokayharryopenthedoor. and uhhh the rest is pure self indulgent "the boys nurse him back to health mwah" but way messier obvs. like fully "ok I have to take out the stitches you did and restitch you, throw back this glass of whiskey and try not to vomit on me. oh well he passed out. at least he's not feeling it?" and yeah.

anyway there's a Conversation between jean and harry at one point because the through line here is that harry is trying to keep his Boys safe but he doesn't know how they can keep doing This *gestures to the cop thing* and so jean is like okay well are we gonna work the case without him orrrrr and harry is like I am NOT moving a MUSCLE until Kim is 100% okay. he stayed with me for 2 days after I got shot. and jean is like okay bye- and harry is like no listen. I don't. we are killing ourselves here. and jean is like yeah? point? and harry is like maybe we. shouldn't. and they have a whole argument about it but that wakes up Kim who eats shit trying to get up and they both like rush in to make sure he didn't fuck up the new stitches or bust his head open right, and Kim is like. okay conflict resolution time. refuses to back down until everything is explained in detail to him even if he's still loopy. anddddd tl;dr Kim agrees with harry and idk what happens next but there u go

[richardsphere]

Leverage Redemption Log: The Walk In the Woods Job

Army guy is with his doctor (shoulder/arm injury is healing). Doctor is trying to convince Armydude to go to a support group for people who have been through similar.

Come to Therapy, We Have Cookies! Army guy left, other doctor has bills and a message from a Kurt Lander (frumples note). We're really going out of our way to make the Boss Doctor seem likeable with how much he cares about other peoples mental health.

Camera follows second doctor on way out, lingers on picture of elliot on the wall. Throw a hand-egg, bomb. PAUL!!! --- Panama, 4 years ago (so during the timeskip) Elliot and Dr. Paul are having a drink. Austin Kurt Lander (why does this guy get three names? Im gonna stick to Kurt) is footing the bill for the clinic. I think the "He" that Austin wants Elliot to make peace with is his father? But im shit at context clues and also sick of getting faked out there. --- Dr Guy recognises Elliot at the funeral. "highly decorated veteran", Translation: Warcriminal.

Ok lets not double-book our acronyms please? I get there are only so many 3-letter combinations (17.576) so there is bound to be overlap but lets not open our communications up to potential future confusion. I'll refer to the Bomb type as "Thermite bomb" (TB) and the other oen as "Warcrimes Incorporated". (WI) if this becomes a running gag for the episode. getting to the stuff that even US Propagandists think is "bad stuff", corruption scandals, friendly fire in Kabul, and bodyguarding for Saudi Princes.

Something definitly happened on that bridge (and Elliot was definitly there to see it happen) --- Parker Breanna and Sophie are trying to get into Silverguard HQ, Elliot and Harry are looking at Doctor's stuff.

They bombed Elliots Picture. (which opens a secret room, he was preparing to killl Kurt) --- Target is on the move, to a place called "Orpheus Grove" (ominous name)

And Breanna just hit Sophie with the truck. Which... well it's certainly a good distraction.

Well we knew he was a warcriminal, now we know he's an asshole. --- He killed some miners, (not a shock) Orpheus grove is apparently a secret conspiracy located on a confederate generals old plantation. Its a fratclub for racists and wealthy clansmen basically.

there are no satelites images at the plantation, no cell reception and presumeably no wifi. (we're going in blind, But Kurt will be blind as well) little heart-to-heart between Elliot and Harry. (he's stealing the shuriken) --- Meanwhile in Millwater (or whatever the place is called) Breanna sees a sign about endangered frogs. (protected species, shut down the plantation by making it a wildlife preserve.) Local historian is about to give us a history lesson on the frogs and their habitats (presumably including the plantation)

Coms are live for people in the grove but cant reach Breanna until the cloak is down.

Ok when i said it was a "fratclub for racists and Klansmen" i meant it as a joke. Turns out its an actual fratclub for racists and Klansmen. Oh they're peeing in the river. But thats where the frogs live! (the piss is Fricking up the PH of the water, its why they're dying).

Little contest: Who can steal the phone! Guy is spinning his two things lie again.

Guy-with-a-harp-round-his-neck is "in charge". I find the goat-horn to be a bit cult-y. Parker has the Phone. (or at least the Walky Talky) Ok so the "un-pickable safe" is just a ban on phones. Three keys. Phone is in the vault and Parker just spotted a sniper. (Kurt is "doing an audition", he's staging an assasination so he can rescue Frick from the assasin and be welcomed into the Cult) --- Back from commercial: Doctor was the sniper HE ISNT DEAD. Thought that lying about what happened on the bridge would be a lesser evil to justify his office. "im Harry, im with him. Glad you're not dead, what do we do now" 9/10.

Huh, the frogs might have legitimate national security value. ("the secret to curing bacterial infections") A potential cure for a biowarfare threat. The woman wasnt even entirely exagerating.

Also Breanna has put the flyers on the internet. Make a niche topic, post on a few specific forums. They're taking soil and water samples. They'll find beer-urine is messing with the PH and they'll shut the grove down. I just unpaused and the local historian just said the PH levels are rising form unknown reasons? Am I actually right?

Imagine a powerfull mystic cult of senators and private armies getting shut down by a local historian and her pet frog.

Breanna wants to have a froggy hat. (its a good hat.) --- Parker snips the wire on a keychain while the drunken wearer is pissing against a tree. Sophie distracts Kurt by getting him to brag about his 2 things line some more. Harry falls from a tree, Parker elbow-drops a guy getting a massage. Harry vanishes with the ghilly, Parker steals the final key dressed as a dancer. Sophie has been spotted. --- Sophie is going for "venezualan government agent" here for the mine collapse, begins priming Kurt for Elliot. Meanwhile Harry pretends to be Elliot as a distraction. Parker suffers a minor complication in needing to turn 3 keys simultaniously. Harry steals some of Elliots lines so Elliot can call this guy out by proxy. A bad Rocky monologue stalls for enough time for Paul and Elliot to show up. --- Paul is here to confess to the lies on a wire. Harry here to unionise the guards and tell them of their legal rights. Ok good use of the bridge.

The frogs. I was right about the Piss and the frogs. I wrote that so i had an excuse to make a joke about Frick's name. And i was right.

call-back to the MIC joke (thank frick that wasnt a running gag) Final toast between Elliot and Paul

[thisdreamplace]

i have a question: why, WHY would the universe or my subconscious mind being the exact person that i want into my life knowing very well that i can't sustain them with my avoidant attachment issues? it seems so cruel. so many people have these stories where their sps are avoidant or don't want them but i was the opposite. he loved me the best way he knew how and i pushed him away and now i'm left alone feeling horrible. i'm trying to "reprogram" my subconscious beliefs from my childhood trauma but the pain insists and is so blinding and i've sabatoged a relationship with someone who i really felt connected to due to these beliefs i hold.

bc this is a reality which operates on duality, and the truth is for many of us, we will stay stagnant and in our comfort zones if we don't experience pain that encourages us to finally change. it feels so so so cruel, and trust me i know that, because i was once asking the same question as you.

stop trying to reprogram your subconscious beliefs. and feel out that pain that refuses to go away. that's the real point here, that it's time to come to terms with all of it. thats how a real change comes about. please look into reading 'breaking the habit of being yourself' by dr joe dispenza, if you havent yet. it seems it may be relevant to you as he does a good job at outlining how to change yourself forreal without trying to bypass whats happening within you on a deeper level. you'll never run from it so don't bother, prepare to allow it instead. thats the path of least resistance and works wonders. i also think that once you do that, you'll ease up on yourself and stop seeing this person in such a high light. i think it sucks this happened, but youre making it sound like you're so horrible and they're so great. which isnt the case. theyre a great and beautiful person, and all is never lost. however, there is no true loss when you allow the direction that life is walking you towards. you arent alone in this, even though you feel it to be so. you dont know who is waiting on the other side, so ready to love you fully and more magically than you knew to be possible. but its your job right now to not knock yourself down, but to learn from this, to not allow it to be a pattern that repeats forever. to set yourself free.

love you ! xo

[hannibutts]

HANNIBAL SPOILERS S02E01

Oh shit, are Jack and Hannibal gonna fight? Ha look at em go. This is someone’s dream isn’t it? Someone is about to wake up in a sweaty mess

OH SHIT SHARD IN JACKS NECK

I have never seen a man so elegantly throw themselves at a door, is Mads a dancer or something because damn

Haaaa just looked it up - he was a gymnast and a dancer and it fucking shows, he threw himself at that door so delicately damn

12 WEEKS EARLIER? So that fight is actually going to happen?? Alrighty then.

UNEXPECTED RARA ALERT

I’m digging foghorn drawl at this point - no douchebeard now and did they… did they darken his eyebrows?

Ha Will calls him Fredrick which would be so insulting to babygirl especially considering Will asks for “dr Lecter” straight after. Will has some fight left in him at least.

Alana throwing Jack under the bus should be more satisfying than it was

Hannibal wants to see Will again too, just let them fuck already jeezus

“I miss him” 😭😭😭😭😭

YOURE OBSESSED haaaaa Bedelia calling it what it is

“I can’t get you out of my head” Jesus Christ these boys are so enmeshed now. And Hannibal is absolutely giddy

He got to be Will today - Jesus, now that he can’t see Will freely, he is fixating on him… Mads has Francine from American dad lips…

Wait what’s the lie that Bedelia and Hannibal have … oh something about a patient that attacked her and Hannibal killed them or something no?

Alana’s choice of clothing is always so weird to the situation. Wearing tight fitting and cleavagey dresses to a mental institution when she interviewed Gideon. Leather jacket, tight pencil skirt and high boots for playing with the dogs in the grass like what?

Oh Chilty listening in to their convo

Bratty Babygirl is back with his lil swishy head moments

How is he so funny as this character, he thinks he’s smarter than everyone but in the same sentence he’s showing his belly to Hannibal for validating belly rubs. He just wants Will to talk to him And his little happy smile when Hannibal tells him he’s dining with a murdering psychopath 🥹

They’re going to torture him aren’t they?

Ooh resin shelled people huh… that’s a new one. And a colour palette to boot - delightful

What the fuck Hannibal? THATS HOW YOU GOT THE EAR IN WILL?? Fuxking gross.

Winston is hella cute. Both jack and Alana are getting on my nerves man so I chose to look at Winston who was just happy to be included.

What did Jack expect he was going to get from Will?? And why didn’t Will mention the ear?

Aw Hannibal misses his friend.

Welp the dude resin shelled and sewn together waking up amongst the corpses was absolutely horrifying.

Good babygirl appearance hoping patiently for more bratty foghorn leghorn

[thebadtimewolf]

uh 🎵perhaps perhaps perhaps AND I DONT WAN–🎵

yes i do expect martha to get her own dr

side bar: (that being said I WOULD CACKLE ONLY ME I WOULD CACKLE IF ITS DHAWAN DOCTOR THE WHOLE TIME no you dont understand shes got the only one that is so desperate hes essentially just not a bottom but also a touch starved emotionally starved pet BUT THAT ALSO WOULD GROVEL AT THE PANG OF BOTH THE MASTERS ACTIONS TO MARTHA AND HER FAMILY CONSIDERING HIS NAME WAS THE MASTER AND ENSLAVED A BLACK FAMILY AND THE DRS INACTION OF BOTH HIS RENEWED-STUFFED DOWN FEELINGS OF MARTHA AND ALSO HIM STRAIGHT UP JUST 🎵im floatin glowin grandpa joe wheehehehee imma keep him since i left the the other nurse racist back there badoobydoobydoo🎵 AT THE END i just think hes the perfect incarnation to really hit home of how they should be the one to apologize for all of it for fucking up her life during travel AND at home because we see that simms incarnation thrice now is never going to do that just like tennant incarnations will never say i love or loved rose out loud on screen unless its to kick her down. dhawan!dr is perfect stress relief and closure for martha from both timelords in one. does he get reformed? yeah. is he the only one aside from donna14 and (very poorly done) missy? no. but i think it's a great idea. also two sacha dhawans. because there's a dhawan in the master tooth and now a dhawan forever embued in the dr regeneration cycle now. because if he doesnt count 3rd dr doesnt count so fuck you. also both 10 and dhawandr have the big sad brown puppy eyes and side burns and slightly spiked hair (a good inbetween ofhair with 9th and 10th drs) so its very easy for them to go 'oh my god it is you its both of you' when they see both the dr and the master in their eyes. Since uh russel wanted to say that wild shit about how the drs can all co exist in "bi generation" when really they just have a time machine and thats why they co exist because if they all co exist so does dhawan!doctor rtd you goof.)

yes i do expect 15 is also going to force the master into actual therapy as a hardcut to the doctor sitting there while master is airing it all in front either a veteran group a la the punisher group secession or in front of at least three other therapists (im side eying the choices for wink wink nudge actors to play psychiatrists like the last ones they are known for in other shows)

yes i do think the best revenge is martha revealing shes been actually married to romana (either lalla ward reprises her role or we can bring in romana iii aka drusilla from buffy yes this canonical she has doctor who big finish audios as romana) the whole time but only said mickey because it was 1)a fling and 2) strictly friends that he offered because romana's suggestion of him being their surrogate mother terrified him because it CAN work and to piss a dying 10 off and 15 deadass going 'well it worked babes, he was pissed off enough to have him gagged and stumbling' to really shoot [😒those types of😒] tenrose shippers in the heart and head with a lazer

[chococookiez]

nightly ptv posting in random places until i see them live (123 days left!!) - not in the greatest place rn as this cold covid continues to fuck with me both physically and mentally so im gonna get really sappy and talk about how significant each album is to me cause i could write a whole essay on this. under cut cause this is gonna be long

collide with the sky was the album that got me into this band. one of my irl friends was reposting tiktoks about them, i heard the hell above transition and instantly ran to them for recommendations cause i was HOOKED. that night i think i listened to them for around 3 and a half hours straight, i think i went through the entirety of collide, selfish machines and afftd (im not sure if i finished afftd or if i looked at misadventures yet) and the only thing that stopped me from continuing the binge was a massive headache that came over me. hold on till may inspired two of my ocs as i imagined them taking the roles of both people in the song, their personalities and how that'd fit into an existing universe we (me and my friends) had. they're still the two ocs i think about the most since i connect them with ptv very often and - yknow, hyperfixation. fun fact: i timed the "im sorry but ive made up my mind" in bulls in the bronx to happen when it hit midnight on my birthday. no clue why, just thought it was cool ig

the jaws of life was the first album i owned physically, accidentally managing to acquire both the cd and the vinyl on my birthday (cd was spotted in hmv, vinyl was my grandma's gift. there's a certain cashier at that hmv that i think happened to be working that day who shares my music taste, they recommended my dad listen to them since he said he got the cd for me lmaoo) the songs on that album were the first ones my parents heard, as my dad's car has a cd player so i popped it in on the way back home. much later on due to some shenanigans involving a shitbox car thats best music source was cds and oh look ptv is the one band my mum didn't mind listening to and i had 2 of their cds (i'll talk about that later), it ended up becoming her favourite album of theirs so we'd very often listen to it on journeys even when she got her car back as it was one of the few things we shared taste wise after i took a dive bomb into rock/metal, so while its my least favourite in terms of songs as im writing this (i don't dislike them!! some of my faves are on there!!), im incredibly sentimental towards it regardless.

misadventures was the second album i owned physically, finding the cd buried in a local record shop (it has the acoustic bonuses on it!!), and i think i can sorta call it my favourite album of all time. almost every single song in that album has been put on loop at least once (i mean that very literally. every single one. except sambuka? idk, just wasn't in my head as much...) it was also involved in the shitbox car shenanigans which might have influenced my love for it too. the divine zero in particular had (and still has tbh) a strong chokehold on me, being a little too relatable for me as i was going through a very dark patch in life that im not sure is entirely over yet actually, though it at least feels like it might be. i still can't listen to that song only one time whenever it comes on, i have to replay it at least once. it was my top song on spotify and i barely even fucking use spotify. can you tell im normal about the divine zero?

tl;dr - ptv are cool. im normal about them. thumbs up emoji.

a flair for the dramatic and selfish machines, while not having a big long story behind them, have been incredibly important to me during The Cold Covid as their songs are the main ones im obsessed with currently. some noteworthy songs off them are she sings in the morning/yeah boy and doll face (ok this one's kinda silly: i found out people found the first song through osu which i hadn't played in ages and these two was some of the first plays i got in a very long time so i currently hold them very close. fun fact: i like rhythm games!), wonderless/chemical kids and mechanical brides (INCREDIBLY calming to me, go tos when i need to lower my energy levels), million dollar houses (very closely connected to one of the two hold on till may connected ocs) and fast times at clairemont high (ok it's just a banger to me. the high notes make me fucking feral and i listened to the song 10 times in a row once. oops)

[dear-ao3]

unfortunately we are back. i say unfortunately because it is Not a race week. but Some People decided to be silly on the off week so here we are back at it again for australia part 2, electric boogaloo.

today is april 1, 2024 and here is everything in australia that happened after australia ended

were just going to go by team because thats the easiest.

see i Told You All that australia is insane. so insane that people decided to keep being in australia after australia ended.

Red Bull

well first up. max verstappens chief race engineer, lee stevenson, left the team. he had been there for 18 years (and for all of the races that max has won). we dont know what hes doing next but reportedly he is going to be joining "the team at the other end of the pit lane" which probably means someone whos kind of sucking right now (williams or alpine perhaps? idk)

and adrian newey. who was rumored to be going to ferrari is now also rumored to have been approached by aston martin who have reportedly offered him a very very large chunk of change to come design for them (all very plausible when you remember that their ceo is lawrence stroll, canadian billionaire)

there have been no more rumors (at least to my knowledge) that christian horner is going to loose his job. but they did ask sebastian vettel about it.

i probably dont have the Most reliable source on this quote (newsweek) but i didnt feel like finding a better one. reguardless, this is what seb had to say on the ongoing situation:

"Of course, I still know the team, Christian [Horner] and Dr. Marko very well, also from my time there. But it is very difficult for me to have an opinion because you don't know what happened and what didn't happen. I think people would like a bit more transparency in this respect, but I hope with time this will all be clarified. I believe that processes can become visible, provided people dare to take certain steps. I think from the principle that you have nothing to hide, you should not shy away from transparency. This applies to sport in general. I think many viewers would be interested in this. But if the information were accessible, many questions could be answered on their own."

aside from a bonkers amount of weird pr, including a new installment of the Red Bull Unserious Race where checo and max race against yuki and daniel in sand buggies and max and checo testing reaction times against sumo wrestlers, the main thing happening at red bull is that they are Hell Bent on reminding everyone of Everything they have ever accomplished at the japanese gp.

and why would they be doing that?

well they seem to still be pissed about the race last weekend.

we have made red bull upset. this is, as they kids would say, not good.

there have been an endless (and i mean Endless) amount of instagram posts from red bull about every japan gp moment they could seemingly think of and then plus a few more.

since the end of the australia gp they have posted posts with the following instagram captions:

-Max has won 35 times since his DNF in 2022🏆

-All eyes on Japan 👀

-Japan here we come ➡️

-A winning run that has only happened three times in #F1 history 🏆 Two of them are Max 💪

-Last years antics in Japan 🇯🇵😂

-Some standout Suzuka memories 🇯🇵😍

-2014 in 🇯🇵, Max his very first F1 session 🥺

-When the Bulls take a trip to Tokyo 😍🇯🇵

-Japan pending 🇯🇵 comment a 🤩 if you are excited! 

-Suzuka helmets hit different 🤍❤️

-An emotional moment 🥹 Suzuka 2022 🇯🇵🔙

-ありがとう ❤️ Any excuse to post more RB16B content 🤍

-Orchestrated chaos 😮‍💨

-Six Time Constructors' Champions 👑 Sealing the title in Suzuka, last year 💪

-That little smile at the end 🥹💋 🔙 Suzuka last year

-We're feeling Suzuka, 2022 🎶😍 The scenes after Max clinched his second Title 👑

-Leading the chasing pack 💪 Back on track next week 🙌

-"Our best achievement, by a long distance!" 😂 When Max and Checo entered the Japanese Game Show realm 🇯🇵🛻

-Japan 2022, where Max became a two-time world champion 🏆

-Counting down the days 🏁🇯🇵 Max at Suzuka last year 📍

now. i know that the teams usually promo the hell out of the races. but this seems to be just a tad excessive to me....

and lastly for red bull is actually something that i very briefly mentioned in the australia update but that was seeing max verstappen being a girl dad

"max has a kid?" you might be asking. well no. not technically. allow me to explain. and i apologize if i have mentioned this before. if i have its been a while.

the year is 2016. the russian gp. max verstappen is in his second year at toro rosso. daniil kvyat is the second red bull driver (first driver being daniel ricciardo) and he has an absolutely shit race. as in, within the space of two corners he managed to crash into sebastian vettel twice, the second time shoving him into the wall. (this was following him basically causing a double ferrari crash at the chinese gp). and well. red bull didnt quite like that. so they flip flopped him and ax verstappen, effective immediately for the spanish grand prix.

"saph" you might be asking "what on earth does this have to do with max being a girl dad?" hold onto your hats and also your horses we are Getting There.

now daniil had a girlfriend named kelly piquet from 2017 to 2019 and right before they broke up they had a daughter together named penelope.

and max, who had already stolen daniils red bull seat, started dating kelly in 2020.

well, that probably wasnt his thought process, but that is what happened.

anyway. max, as we all know, had an....interesting upbringing with his dad and so it has been very amusing to watch him be a girl dad, the small glimpses we get anyway. he has said that he doesnt try to be p's (penelope's) father, but clearly the three of them act as a family.

p often barges into max's streams and talks to him about various things or tries to scare him or whatever. but this past weekend she went to the australian gp. i believe that this was the first time she was at a race (where she wasnt a baby) and it was funny to see max take on the role of girl dad at the paddock:

you know i always underestimate just how long these updates take to write out, i think ive been writing about red bull for at least a hour. lets move on.

Mercedes

well we learned from the australia fan zone interviews that sir lewis hamilton got his dog (roscoe's) sperm frozen before he got "snipped" so that one day he can have a horde of roscoe babies.

look im not happy about learning this either but it was either going at the top or not in here at all. and it deserved a spot.

sir lewis hamilton also did the going undercover answering questions about himself online gq video that most drivers do at some point or other:

a tldr in case you dont want to watch it, aparently a dog (coco) once shit on his air vent in the middle of the night, he wants to climb mount everest, he wants his legacy to be helping people and he is very passionate about making education accessible and achievable for everyone. so once again, man never looses. unless hes driving a mercedes in the year 2024.

he also did a photoshoot for gq

geode didnt get up to much. he wished everyone a happy easter from a cafe somewhere.

there have been rumors circulating that toto has no intention of actually signing max for 2025 (as has been heavily rumored) and is saying that its a possibility just to fuck with christian horner. as much as i think it would be insane for max to go to merc, i think its even funnier if toto is just plain fucking with christian. their feud is absolutely insane and we really need to see more of it. but considering im already deep diving into other things on this post you'll have to wait until a later update for me to unpack their bonkers relationship (sorry) (very not sorry)

aparently mercedes also is replacing puma and tommy hilfiger with adidas next year as their clothing sponsor. which is not great for one george russell who always looks like hes just walked out of a tommy hilfiger ad.

and katya wants me to tell you all that he found george's old tumblr account from back when he was in the junior leagues. tbh, i dont remember the url but it exists somewhere.

Ferrari

so charles leclerc. the slutty soup can. the poorest little meow meow. hes getting so tired of ferrari's shenanigans that hes now completing side quests.

side quest #1: opening an ice cream shop in milan called LEC. supposedly this is happening mid april. not sure why hes doing this but alas we support his adventures (and we know he likes ice cream after that very frankly confusing photoshoot he did of him waist deep in the snow eating vanilla ice cream over winter break)

(im decently sure his favorite ice cream flavor is also vanilla, which says a lot abut him)

side quest #2: becoming a spokesperson for the united nations wear your seat belt campaign. this one came the day after the ice cream shop announcement and frankly was baffling and somehow more unexpected than the ice cream announcement. he also looks vaguely like someone is holding him at gunpoint

side quest #3: become a representative for bali tourism. after the australia gp he flew to bali for the off week and among other things, got tweeted about by the official bali tousism account

charles also continues his streak of non athleticism by breaking a camera lens with a polaroid:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Scuderia Ferrari (@scuderiaferrari)

and i forgot to mention this in the last update but someone had him sign a pair of lightning McQueen crocs at the australia gp

and what's carlos up to? well he posted the outtake photos of his appendix surgery.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Carlos Sainz (@carlossainz55)

(also hes wearing not one but two smooth operator bracelets given to him by fans) (aparently hes watching band of brothers according to himself, but he found peoples suggestions entertaining and amusing)

and then he hung out in australia and went biking and wished everyone happy easter from the top of a mountain or perhaps a very large hill

he still does not have a seat, but aparently audi (currently stake) are still interested in him and nico hulkenberg for the 2025 season (they've already been teammates together at Renault (now alpine)) but again, if red bull is looking at carlos, will he go there? likely not

there is a tad bit more on carlos, but we will get to that later

and ferrari did also post a throwback to the japanese gp, but it was to post this, frankly incredibly iconic, throwback video:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Scuderia Ferrari (@scuderiaferrari)

i could not even begin to explain what is going on here if i tried.

and on that note lets move on!

Aston Martin

not too much going on at aston (at least as far as i know. i am only one person after all).

the team spent the entire month of march recognizing their mechanics and up and coming mechanics in f1, which is cool of them.

lance strolls race engineer, ben Michell, left his role to take on head of performance operation

and fernando alonso posted an entire essay on instagram about how he didnt agree with the time penalty that he got for nearly killing george russell. basically he got it for braking on the straight and i dint read the fia decision because i didnt want to, but he got a 20 second time penalty for the maneuver. here was what he (or someone from his pr team, who knows!) had to say:

Double points for the team and a better race pace than the rest of the weekend allowed us to cross the finish line in 6th and 7th place. A bit surprised by a penalty at the end of the race regarding how we should approach the corners or how we should drive the race cars. At no point do we want to do anything wrong at these speeds. I believe that without gravel on that corner, on any other corner in the world we will never be even investigated. In F1, with over 20 years of experience, with epic duels like Imola 2005/2006/ Brazil 2023, changing racing lines, sacrificing entry speed to have good exits from corners is part of the art of motorsport. We never drive at 100% every race lap and every corner, we save fuel, tires, brakes, so being responsible for not making every lap the same is a bit surprising. We have to accept it and think about Japan, to have more pace and fight for positions further up the field. Thank you, team 💚!

Mclaren

oscar piastri shocked the entire world with his slutty little soup can waist. yes, thats right, charles is not the only driver with a slutty little soup can waist.

mclaren posted some videos about the great barrier reef and what they are doing to help preserve it. no one really cared about that too much. they cared about seeing oscar in his wet suit:

and several of you were quick to point out that he has a sluttier and more soup can waist than one charles leclerc. to which i say, perhaps he does, but charles has the sass for being a better soup can.

now this got memed and edited to high hell. people did everything you could imagine and then some with this photo. (including photoshopping landos hands onto oscars waist, which was a choice for sure.) but my favorites were the ones where people photoshopped him into h2o just add water:

(via jessessluttywaist on instagram)

and the oscar v alex albon paddel shaming continues

and then there was also a video of lando circulating from during the australia race where after the drivers parade (?) he was talking to max and nearly walked into the red bull garage:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Lady Némésis ⁴🏎️ Lando Norris 🧡 (@lady_nemesis4)

and there is more on lando but we will get to that later

Alpine

honestly i have no idea what the hell is going on at alpine. it seems like theyre trying to compensate for the bad car with goofy ass pr?

like hello what is this???

and this??? australia is nt france????

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by BWT Alpine F1 Team (@alpinef1team)

and they also posted a photo of esteban ocon posing with the visor tear off that got caught in his brakes:

aside from that. pierre went golfing? esteban saw some animals with his girlfriend and took a photo wearing pristine looking seakers on a beach? idk not much to report on from alpine theyre just insane as per the usual.

Haas

i dont think ive heard a word about haas. theyre just kind of existing in quiet chaos. nico signed a picture of valtteris ass. he went to thailand with his wife and kid. kevin failed at bouncing a football. pretty much just seems like theyre riding the high of a double points finish. maybe they have finally uncursed themselves after the great 2018 tire incident. only time will tell!

Williams

logan sergeant went to bali for the week off (like charles), hopefully to relax after the hellish australia race. he accidentally photobombed some girl who was at the same water fall as he was taking photos and then felt bad and took photos for her. she aparently had no idea who he was. and then he liked her photos on instagram.

tbh tho, lets all manifest the shit out of logan this week. carlos came back with a vengeance after his appendix. daniel came back with a vengeance after his wrist. logan needs to come back with a vengeance after losing his car to alex last week.

alex albon went to Thailand on his off week. probably because hes half thai. i hope he had a great time and stops getting hate comments about the car swap in australia because it was definitely not his decision.

Stake F1 Team Kick Sauber

stake continue to be silly and goofy. beginning with their april fools joke that zhou was getting a mullet to match valtteri. they had you click a link in their insta story that lead to this:

they also posted a video of valtteri and zhou scanning into the paddock and these were their photos:

but their social media posting seems to just be a distraction from the fact that they cannot do a good pit stop to save their lives.

aside from that, we learned that valtteri can flip pancakes. or maybe theyre eggs? really can't tell.

Visa Cashapp Racing Bulls

yuki went to go see his ex teammate nyck at the japanese formula e race. (if youre asking who nyck is, he subbed in for alex albon in 2022 when his appendix came out, was signed to alpha tauri in 2023 and then replaced halfway through the season by danny rics) he showed up to the paddock and slayed as usual.

yuki also aparently said this (recently?) when asked about how he feels about f1:

and oscar kind of shit on yuki in his instagram post:

yuki responded by saying "and the oscar goes to... me"

and aparently, liam lawson's team is utterly confused about the danny rics replacing him rumors. so maybe daniel wasnt given an ultimatum? whos to say man everything is bonkers and nothing makes sense at all!!

carlos and lando

i think i briefly mentioned this in the last update but to round this out we gotta talk about carlos and lando.

carlos and lando were teammates at mclaren from 2019-2020. this was relatively early on in their careers. carlos had previously been at toro rosso (with max verstappen) and then Renault, but was replaced by danny rics. he had not had any podium finishes at this point. 2019 was landos first year in f1 and he was coming off the back of a very successful year in f2 (finishing second behind george russell) and he had been mclarens test and reserve driver for 2018. (theres a lot of really funny videos of him helping build and tear down the garage and bring people tea from this era)

both carlos and lando were new to the team that year. their previous drivers were fernando alonso (who "retired" at the end of 2018) and stoffel vandorne, a younger driver who had a shorter stint with the team.

also important to point out: mclaren was deeply in the throws of their shit arc. in 2018 Fernando alonso finished 11th in the drivers championship with 50 points and no podiums. stoffel vandoorne finished in 16th with 12 points and no podiums. to put this in context, mclaren finished in 6th in the constructors standings with a total of 62 points. haas finished in 5th in the constructors with 93 points.

yes that is right. haas.

mclaren was decently in the shit. the last time they had had a solidly halfway decent year was in 2012 when their driver lineup was sir lewis hamilton and jenson button. carlos actually finished ahead of fernando alonso in the drivers championship in 2018 and renault finished 4th in the constructors. so mclaren was a downgrade for carlos. but it would allow for him to be the more experienced driver at the team and assert himself and his talent. and as we know, if you can perform at a shit team, you catch the eyes of bigger teams.

and what does this have to do with carlos and lando? virtually nothing but the backstory is decently important.

also keep in mind. this is what these two looked like back in 2019:

carlos looks virtually the same, as he has pretty much his whole career. lando looks like a child on his way to his first day of school (im pretty sure he was 19 and carlos was 24 (?)) (im also fairly certain the both of them shit on the fact that he looked like a kid about to go to school in the instagram post this was featured in)

reguardless. they were young. trying to drag a shit team up the mid field and back to the podiums. and what better way to do that than through the power of friendship!

i dont think anyone was expecting them to be friends, least of all the mclaren team, who was used to barely scraping their way through the weekend. but alas, they became very good friends.

carlos and lando have both talked about the fact that they used to hang out in each others drivers rooms all the time and you really couldn't fake the energy that the two of them had in videos together.

i can't really unpack their entire relationship on one tumblr post, but i can give you some examples of what they would get up to back in the good old mclaren days:

-clowning eachother on their instagram stories

-that one Christmas video where they get asked what nat king cole song is the most popular or something and carlos goes "maria karay" and when lando realizes he means mariah carey he bursts out laughing

-of course there were also all the times carlos tried to teach lando spanish

-the mclaren milk video (seriously watch it)

-basically every time theyre in a room together they kind of just look at eachother and start laughing

-shit like this:

look theres more but its nearly 2 am and i can't find anything else on Pinterest that makes sense so just take my word for it okay

anyway!

mclaren does a series of videos every year called the unboxed videos which is just like various behind the scenes stuff. but the ones back with carlos and lando were incredibly unhinged. they also did a load of challenge videos back in the day

and they were....insane

like this one

and now, this is not why mclaren started to be successful again with carlos and lando, but it was definitely part of the reason. sometimes teammates freaking hate eachother. and these two were the exact opposite. they definitely put the team back on the right track and if this were an academic paper i would argue that their friendship really uplifted the team and allowed everyone to be more relaxed and achieve podiums and better points again now that there was a tad less stress. lando was very sad when carlos left for ferrari, i can't find it now but the video of carlos's farewell speech they pan to him and its just deeply upsetting looking. (and as many people point out, it seems that lando tries to keep this same energy going with oscar)

theyre still friends. they go golfing together and are always seen talking to eachother in the paddock. a few weeks ago at some race carlos walked into a press conference late and lando was speaking and fully forgot what he was saying to stare at carlos.

i should have disclaimed this at the top, but i dont ship these two, im just reporting the facts.

and so. this is a very very long winded way of saying that for some unknown reason f1 decided to have carlos and lando do a video together in australia 2024.

and it was. really something.

i know its blocked on tumblr. please just watch it on youtube. please please please. its the most unhinged thing ive seen.

but alas. that was not the last of carlando for the weekend.

as we know they shared a podium. lando called it romantic. they made a million jokes about how lando should be getting his appendix out as well. well!!!

leading up to the podium, there were a million zillion stairs. carlos walked up these stairs entirely unassisted while holding his helmet and his water and whatever else he was holding.

but! as everyone was quick to point out. when he walked out onto the podium and had to climb up to the top step, he walked closer to lando so that lando could grab his hand and help him onto the podium.

now the perfectly realistic answer here is that carlos had just won a race, was still pretty fresh out of recovery and was likely tired (and also he had just climbed a whole bunch of stairs. the second option is the delusional one and ill let you all fill in the gaps there. reguardless.

but thats not all.

yeah i know, i can't believe it either.

now lando, as we know, likes to stir the pot.

clearly. based on the above stuff.

and he posted another video to his mov instagram from the australia weekend. it is basically an ad for his dads company, pure electric.

but carlos is there. for virtually no reason at all.

he did not need to be there. he is in fact entirely unrelated to the rest of the video. and yet:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by @land0.mov

as several people pointed out, it looks like they woke up together, went on a run and got breakfast together. carlos did confirm the run and the breakfast part, at least that it was on wednesday before the race weekend started.

but look. ive said it before and ill say it again. gotta respect a man that is willing to stir the fucking pot.

and with that. i think were about done with australia. hopefully. please let us be done with australia.

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[riverstardis]

series 32 episode 34:

this is the anniversary of cal's death ep💔

connie's back!

surely it's been at least a week since ethan stood down as clinical lead now but he's still using the parking permit? i suppose he might as well since no one else was using the space. connie leaves a slightly passive aggressive note on his windscreen lmao

"the wife is saying that he was bent over the dishwasher and that the carving knife was sticking out" *elle laughs* "what, you don't believe her?" "i do not. you wanna know why? because in 14 years i never saw my husband so much as open a dishwasher. on the other hand i often though about, you know! ..... joking!" LMAO😭😭

ethan looking at the flowers charlie left by where cal was stabbed😥😥😥😥😥

oh yeah this is quite a leigh-anne heavy episode isn't it urgh

alicia's got the keys to her new house!

louise, noel, and rash are trying to get her to have a housewarming party and she's looking excited about it until robyn reminds her about cal. so she says she has plans? i don't get why she doesn't just say the real reason i mean it's not like it's a secret, it's just that everybody's forgotten??? like surely louise and noel would definitely understand and rash didn't know cal but would probably also understand???

also i hate the way they wrote alicia as like not that bothered about cal's death even though she was somewhat close to him??? i suppose in the immediate aftermath you could say she was being strong for ethan but it's the fact that i don't think we see her grieve at all. and a year later she's forgotten about it?

chekhov's axe

connie wants to open a trauma theatre but charlie doesn't think it's a good idea and he says he can think of a good name for it though: the connie beauchamp trauma theatre SDSFJJHFD

ethan's back in scrubs THATS WHAT I LIKE TO SEE

lmao elle tells him that connie's looking for him and he says he thought she might be but then starts phoning leigh-anne's landlord for some reason and connie walks up behind him and goes "dr hardy." and he jumps and looks round sjsdjdjfgj

leigh-anne phoning ethan to say she can't cope anymore and that she's leaving kiegan in a safe place and "i know you'll take better care of him than i can" girl what??? i know he's got inappropriately involved in your life but you can't just go leaving babies to people like that😭😭 also didn't she only try to cope for like a few hours max???

alicia finally giving in to everyone asking about the party and robyn says "maybe it's what cal would've wanted" which is a good point tbf but it isn't just about how cal would feel about it, given that he's dead it doesn't really matter that much, it's more about how ethan would feel about it, and alicia obviously thinks he wouldn't like it because she tells them not to invite anyone else while watching ethan. and then noel immediately goes and invites elle😭 i don't understand why they all seem to not have heard robyn mention cal except alicia???

noo not ethan bringing up scott😭 leigh-anne says she wasted enough tears on him when he was alive and ethan says she's still grieving though and says he knows enough about grief to know and she asks who he's lost and he says "my brother" hmm there's a little too much hand holding going on for my liking rn

ethan says there's something he has to tell her???? don't tell me he was planning to tell her that scott killed cal???? how would that help anyone😭

kiegan's being taken into temporary foster care for the night but ethan offers to take him but obviously they don't let him

connie gets involved and tells him that getting involved in patients' lives isn't what they do there and he gets angry "what do we do here? just out of interest." "excuse me?" "do you want us just to patch them up and pack them off, is that it?" and they carry on having a bit of a shouting match until charlie interrupts😭

then ethan just walks off and connie's like "oh that's it, walk away!" and charlie's like "give him a break, will you! today of all days?!" and connie goes "oh what, because it's my first day back?" and charlie's like "WHAT? NO! because today is the anniversary of cal's death. cal died 1 year ago today, it's not always about you, you know." and connie's face is like shit😭😭😭😭

oop rash stood gem up because connie had him doing some work over his lunch break but she doesn't believe him because "even she's not that bad"😬 lmaoo iain asks rash if he has to keep on eye on him

elle asks ethan if he's going to the party before she notices alicia shaking her head to stop her😭 he's like "no, i'm not." and walks off and alicia goes after him and goes "ethan, i didn't want a party tonight, i swear" "it's alright" "i don't want you to think that i'd forgotten. you're more than welcome to come, i just assumed you wouldn't fancy it" "no. it's fine, honestly" okay but she HAD forgotten though. tbh he probs wouldn't have gone even if it was a different day bc they're still fallen out after rage in resus

"dr hardy" "mrs beauchamp, i've actually finished my shift, okay? i've had a really trying day" "yes, i understand. look, i know this will be no consolation but i just thought you might like to know that i plan to install a trauma theatre here in the ed, and i firmly believe if we'd had the resources last year then-" "what? then my brother might still be alive?! yeah, you're right, it's no consolation at all."😥😥😥😥😥😥😥😥 WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT TO HIM😭😭😭

lmaoo alicia, noel, louise, and gem coming in incredibly hungover the next day and alicia's saying how she knew there was a reason she'd given up alcohol sjsjdsdjf

connie's showing charlie the space for the trauma theatre and he still doesn't agree with it and she brings up cal and he gets angry

urghhhh ethan and leigh-anne kissing🙄 were we meant to be on board this ship or something????

[i-writes-things]

One Y/n, 6 Worlds

Avengers x Fem!reader

Fluff, angst, Angst ANGST(only at the end)

Summary- Y/n shifts to many different realities with many different stories happening

Warnings- Fluff(For the first few at least)Tony maybe being dead, Dr strange's death being explained in detail, losing skin(alot), broken bones, and someone losing an arm, losing a hand.(If there are any others that you see please let me know)

Ok ngl The Dr strange one I was like Hey why not make them suffer. HAHA *laughs evilly* Ok heheh The Dr Strange one is violent. very. Um so Spidey fans haheh um the Dr strange one is a little well a little graphic. Haha wow I am just making it so much worse!

The thing above, I wrote it as I wrote the Dr strange story hahah so just be ready if you are gonna read it, I mean personally I don't think it is that bad(ok I went back and made it even worse so..)(I went back again.)but also everyone is different so just make sure to read the warnings above. It is the Last story if you wanna read the other stuff which is mainly fluff! hahah GO READ THE DR STRANGE STORY IF YOU WANNA SEE HIM DIE hahahahahahaha. and to see Y/n being an unbothered BADASS. Bhahaha I keep making it worse and worse haahha

Not my gifs*

Y/n World I

You wake up in your mcu dr bedroom, the soft light coming through your window, the faint sounds of city were far away..

You yawned and stretched in bed waking up a bit more, and as you notice that this is totally Not Your room, a smile grows on your face and the faint sounds of footsteps get louder.

Your excited, not know who it will be, you pretend to go back to sleep hoping they will wake you

"Y/nnn! GET UP GET UP TONY JUST EXPLODED!!" Bruce runs in panicking

Your eyes go wide and look over at him a frown starting to show

"what..?" You look disheartened

"YEAH HE GOT EXPLODED IN HALO 3!" He punches the air stupidly

He looks at you successfully holding back laughter as he continues quietly

"He, uh told me to come and uh, um ask if, you wanted to come and play um with us.. so uh thats it. Good morning Y/n." He left and you laid back down on your bed laughing to yourself

"God, I love it here.." You really were happy that back home your clone was probably doing your house chores for you

Ahhh, the good life

----------------------–––––––––––——————--

Y/n world II

You woke with a start as Yelena had stepped on your hand trying to get by you and her older sister Natasha both sleeping on the ground. She turns and kneels next to you apologizing

"Y/n, you ok, does it hurt?" She whispered to you, she was always so sweet towards you

"I'm good Yelena, thanks." You whispered back even though your hand was throbbing

You held your hand close to you as Yelena went to the Motels shared bathroom to go to the bathroom

-

You heard Natasha move slightly a few feet away from you and you pretended to be asleep, she would ask you why you were awake and then you- You didn't feel like talking, not really sure why, as you didn't have any memories prior to waking up with a start, from this reality anyway..

Natasha mumbled something to herself and you could just barely hear her walk over you and to the old mini fridge that sat by the door, then you heard her sitting at the table maybe 10 feet away from you on the ground 'sleeping' peacefully

Maybe 5 minutes, maybe more maybe less you weren't really sure, you were so close to falling back asleep as your hand started to feel a lot better.

Yelena probably not meaning to opened the door loudly, obliviously startling you and making Natasha give her a death stare

"What?" Yelena asked her sister at a whisper

"You could have woken Y/n up, now be quiet." Natasha whisper-yelled to her sister

Yelena sat at the table after traveling to the old mini fridge and back

"Well..?" Yelena opened her drink quietly

"What?" Natasha asked quietly taking a sip of her own

"Well I'm guessing Y/n went back to sleep?"

"What? What do you mean?" Natasha was confused

"Y/n, I-" Yelena threw a thumb your way and paused to look at her sister who looked angry "I stepped on her hand.." She smiled sorrowfully and went back to the drink taking a sip

"How? How did you even manage to do that"

"Its not like I meant too, sheesh."

"Shhhhhhhh..." You shhed them loudly from across the room

"Sorry, Y/n/n, we'll be quiet." Yelena said to you and kicked Natasha from under the table

Natasha looked at her like she was going to kill her, which doesn't seem unlikely, but you were there so...

So probably not.

----------------------–––––––––––——————--

Y/n world III

"Y/n.." A familiar voice called your name softly and as you opened your eyes you were met with Wanda's HER EYE COLOR GOES HERE eyes looking so PRERTYY

"Morning Y/n!" You smiled quickly towards her

"morning Wands, well how did everything go?"

"What do you mean?" She tilted her head trying to think

"Well, uh did- Is everyone ok? Like, did anyone get hurt, is Pietro ok? Did you defeat the Ultron once and for all?

Wanda smiles softly at you

"Yes, everyone is unharmed, and Pietro is resting he- well you can go see him later today.."

You smiled and hugged her, now sitting up in your bed

He didn't die, now this is the good life

You felt today and the rest of the week was going to be a good one

You ate breakfast with the rest of the team and after putting your dishes up, Wanda took you down to see Pietro in Medbay

-

Pietro is eating slowly pancakes in bed

"PIETRO, oh gosh I thought you were, well dead.." You hug him quickly, but pull away just as fast when he groans in pain

"It's nothing.." He reassured you

"Oh yeah sure of course, because being shoot 4 times is, nothing." Wands says walking in behind you eyeing her brother

"What- Shoot 4 times?" You look between them like you hadn't scripted all of this to happen

"Well what happened, P?" You ask worriedly

"Nothing, I uh just ran in the line of fire.." He looked down at his food, and continued to eat

Wanda spats and says "No, he saved Clint's life, and a little boys.." Wanda looks at her brother proudly

"oh.." You look at Pietro and Wanda glad that Pietro made it out alive, and Ultron was defeated successfully

----------------------–––––––––––——————--

Y/n world IV

"PETER? Peter are you listening?"

"Umm, What- No I mean yes- Y/n I can't talk right-" He slammed into a library with a lizard like creature on his tail

"Y/n LOVE YOU I REALLY DO BUT I GOTTA-"

Peter ran right into a bookshelf and smashed his built-in phone

He groans and ducks as the lizard jumped at him

-

"Well I'll just see Peter la-" Your eyes are glued to the television that is playing a sequence of short videos compiled of Spiderman and a lizard fight each other

"Shit." You curse under your breath, dropping your cell on the couch you ran fast smashing into the window that stood, now broken, between you and your alter ego.

Your apartment being on the 17th floor was in your favor as of now

You dove down towards the faint traffic below

The rush of wind goes by your ears fast, before it settles as you shoot into the sky, using your ability to fly to go and find Spiderman

-

Finally touching down at the library

You run inside to find Peter fighting the Lizard from TV and you look between them

"Y/n-" Peter is side punched into a wall

"Peter-" Your sucker punch the Lizard and pick Peter up to his feet

"Y/n..?" He asks you "Yes?"

"Well what ar-" He is wiped around the corner by the, now angry, Lizard into the book room labeled 'M-N' on the window

The door is broken, and the first thing you notice is the old man at the from of the room, not knowing what was happening behind him

Stan Lee..? STAN LEE IS HERE OMG

"PETER WATCH-" "I SEE Y/n! I SEE" The lizard lunges at the old man and you get there seconds faster besting the Lizard to the ground.

Peter continues to fight with it and eventually ties it up, after the old man leaves the room dancing softly to his music, from the headphones he was wearing..

----------------------–––––––––––——————--

Y/n world V

"Y/n" Steve calls for you

"Steve!! Your back!!"

"That I am.."

"Where's bucky?" You ask Steve casually

He eyes you suspiciously "what?"

You gulp and then remember

Wrong DR Y/n, Wrong DR

"Y/n, what is a D. R. ?" Wanda asks you looking through your thoughts, you push her out but she continues to question

You freeze and turn to face her

"Who the hell is bucky?" Steve asks you over Wanda's questioning about odd thoughts in your head

So many questions, so many thoughts, so many answers, so many wrong answers so many right

But what to say, what to choose..

Dr Strange sits at the table behind them watching the scene before him, a soldier, a superhuman and regular Y/n fighting, but you were far from regular, he knew where you came from, he knew that you wanted to bring no harm to this world, he understood that this wasn't your escape but the chance to explore the multiple verse, he gets that you may slip up and he would fix it for you in a minute, but for now he wanted to see how well this version of you was under pressure...

----------------–––––––––––——————--

DR STRANGE STORY IS NEXT! vvvv

Y/n world VI

"Earth is closed today..!" Tony announces to you

You look at him as a mood of disgust comes across your face

"mm, no."

Tony eyes you as Dr Strange speaks up

"You can't win Y/n." Strange exclaims to you as he makes sparky circle magic

"Ok." You say unbothered flicking your wrist harshly

Dr strange falls to his knees, he starts to shout in pain holding his stomach, he tries to make his magic

You flick your wrist and after a few fast cracks his own hand is on the ground in front of him, twitching, bleeding out, and not attached to him whatsoever

He started to be ripped in-half right in front of you and Tony..

The sound of his flesh being pulled apart slowly is making you hungry for war, you can hear every rip and tear of his flesh

His agony was heard by Tony and yourself

To say the least Dr Strange did NOT like this version of you at ALL.

His skin was being plead off him, from an unknown force, 10 feet in the air.

He started to bleed where the skin had been plead, too deep

He holds on as long as he could, still trying to use his magic

But with every swift motion of your wrist he was only toren apart faster

His bones starting to break apart and cracking, making the loudest of noises, besides his shouts for the pain to stop

"the pain will stop soon enough, Mister Strange.." You whispered to yourself

His strength finally gives up, knowing his ultimate defeat and he comes undone faster, his internal organs making the most horrible squishing/tearing sounds as he screams till he inevitably, is in two pieces rather than one.

His limp two pieced body falls with a loud thud

He bleed out in under a minute, feet away from where Tony stands

Tony's face is painted pale in horror and sadness, he stands there in shock

He looks away quickly and once his eyes find you he is mad

he is angry

he is finally ready to kill.

He pulls his straps and then there stands Iron Man.

You laugh lightly at his silly outfit

"You are a mere mortal with an expiration date. I have no such thing," You look at the the body of Strange and a wild smile starts to grows on your face

"I," You pause wanting to take in the moment "am a god.." Your hands stretch out from your sides, and as you make fists with your hands the trees and buildings around the square crumble to your will, you then look back at Tony and finally see the fear in his eyes

Your smile grows more

You sense something near by and immediately flick your wrist, you both hearing the scream of a child

A child Tony knew so well, the child he told to stay away

Tony shoots at you before running over to where Spiderman laid on the ground his left arm across the street and his screams fill Tony's head

Tony now decided he had to leave, he couldn't lose Peter too..

You smile to yourself and looked straight at the camera as the screaming faded

"Your next.."

The screen of the movie goers, goes black and a few clap, others get up and leave not knowing of the end credit scene, like every other Marvel movie