#or I guess more accurately ‘if anything happens to you I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself if it would help you’

[totally-not-an-awkward-okapi]

Do you think your Earth 3 Nora would be a part of some version of the Gotham City Sirens?

Oooh good question!!!

It really depends on whether in the morality swap of earth-3 you think the Sirens would A. be straight up heroes or B. heroes with a corruption arc to mirror how all three have slowly shifted into anti-heroes. I’m gonna cover both options since I cannot bring myself to choose:

Option A. Not initially, no. Much like Mr Freeze in the main continuity, Nora usually fights Owlman one on one, only joining up with other heroes for larger group team-ups or to try out some tech. Both out of overconfidence and unwillingness to “drag others into her mess” Firefly tries to avoid team-ups. But, I imagine in an ongoing comic the Sirens would team up with her a few times and quickly realize the toll her powers are taking on her body, eventually convincing her to join the Sirens as their tech guy and only occasional big gun.

Option B. This one means there’s just far fewer heroes, making Nora a whole lot quicker to seek out allies. But in this much meaner continuity, it also doesn’t take her long to figure out that the work is corrupting the other Sirens. Even if they're still heroes, she’s a morally righteous hothead. Firefly would try to drift out of the group, trying to force herself to just play guy in the chair and then make a break, but it would probably come to a head pretty quick. In the end she’s not on the best terms with the Sirens, but they're still allies more often than she’d like.

Agh I made myself sad. TLDR She’s got fire powers so of course she’s the edgy anime guy who refuses to officially be part of the team.

[nightghoul381]

Ellis Twilight ~ Chapter 6 - His Side Story: “A Faint Wriggling, Deep Inside My Chest”

Disclaimer for route warnings | Masterlist

Additional Content Warnings: This is a side story from Ellis' perspective of the events of Chapter 6, as such it too contains depictions of murder and several mentions of blood.

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

(For me, Kate is the person I want most to be happy.)

(I’m happy that she’s been smiling more and more lately. And…)

Kate: “Please tell me about what you like, Ellis. Then I can make you happy tomorrow.”

Kate: “So, what’s your favorite food?”

--

Kate: “Oh,  I spread a lot of butter on the toast before it got cold.”

Kate: “Thank you, as always.”

Kate says she wants to make me happy too.

She listens to my preferences and feelings and remembers them carefully.

(Kate is a wonderful person.)

(…I don’t want to make you unhappy.)

The night I went with Jude and Kate to look for the ‘ring-leader��� involved in the kidnapping incident.

I’d seen the woman who had come into contact with the ‘ring-leader’ being dragged into a back alley, and reflexively ran after her.

Reaching the back of the alley—I saw multiple men surrounding the woman and trying to restrain her by covering her mouth.

Scenes like this aren’t uncommon—What I do is the same as usual.

Ellis: “Are you the kidnappers?”

The kidnappers were startled by the sudden voice and immediately attacked me.

I just have to deal with them one by one.

A man who looks like a kidnapper: “—Women are worth money, ‘em alive. Kill the bastard.”

(Women…Ah)

Kate: “Gh…”

I heard a gasp behind me and realized that Kate had followed me.

(…it was her.)

(Kate is a hard worker who can muster courage even in times like these.)

I gently restrained Kate, who was holding a deck brush in her trembling hands.

Ellis: “Kate, stay here.”

(I’ll finish this quickly.)

I kick off the ground.

Taking a life is as easy as polishing a shoe if you know how to use the tools.

If you cut a vital point with a knife, the body will collapse to the ground as though a string has been cut.

(Just a few more.)

(I need to finish this quickly and give her peace of mind.)

Kate had been scared when she saw the men attacking the woman.

(I’ll end it right away.)

I silence the last one and let my feet settle on the ground.

Ellis: “…I guess that’s everyone.”

The timing must have been relatively good.

I looked around the alley that looks like I’ve spilled jam all over it, see there are no survivors, and look up.

“Kate…”

Kate: “Eh…Ah.”

Ellis: “Your face is pale… Are you okay?”

I put the knife in its sheath and reached out to Kate.

At that moment her body trembled.

Ellis: “…”

(--it was)

(From Kate’s point of view, these men and I are the same.)

I’m a ‘human being who kills people’ for his job.

(I had a feeling that Kate, was learning to trust me just a little bit… I forgot.)

I want to make her happy, though.

I’m the kind of person who scares her in the first place.

(I should’ve been more careful)

Ellis: “…I’m sorry. You’re scared.”

Ellis: “I should have asked you to keep your eyes closed so you wouldn’t have to see it.”

Kate: “Um, what… what about the woman?”

Ellis: “Hmm, she’s fine… I think she’s just passed out.”

Jude: “Tch… Ya killed everyone?”

Ellis: “Jude. What about the store?”

Jude: “When I came in, he’d already escaped in a horse-drawn carriage from the back door. He’s quick to run.”

Jude, who was supposed to have been chasing the ‘ring-leader’ walked over to a corpse and inspected it coldly.

(…Ah, I think I’m going to be scolded.)

Jude: “Jeez, let at least one of ‘em live. Otherwise I can’t interrogate ‘em.”

(On second thought)

Ellis: “Sorry. He said as long as we didn’t kill the commander I would be fine…Also.”

Ellis: “They were trying to harm Kate.”

Kate: “…”

Kate took a quiet breath again.

(Maybe I reminded you of what happened earlier.)

(…Sorry.)

Ellis: “… It’s okay now, Kate.”

Her frozen expression never relaxed… and I felt a little sad.

(Kate, you’re still silent)

Step by step we proceed down the hallway.

I walked behind her a little ways so as not to make her even more anxious.

(Is this okay…?)

(If you’re worried, if you’re scared, I want to be by your side.)

(But with me, it might have the opposite effect.)

While I was wondering what I should do to make Kate happy, we ended up in front of her room.

Ellis: “We’re here, Kate.”

Kate raised her head and looked straight at me.

(If you look at me, it might remind you of something scary, but… you’re so kind.)

Kate: “About earlier… Thank you for protecting me, Ellis.”

Ellis: “No. It’s my job to escort you, Kate.”

Ellis: “But, this time I failed…”

Ellis: “If you hadn’t seen that, you would be happier.”

Ellis: “I already knew you were a hard worker and that you would push yourself even if you were scared.”

Ellis: “I should have said, “You follow Jude” before going into the alley.”

Ellis: “Next time, I’ll be careful not to kill someone in front of you.”

(Even if I show you something like that…I wonder if I can make you smile again.)

(I need to think of a way.)

Thinking about this, I was about to turn on my heel, when—

Kate: “…Ellis…!”

My palm was grabbed by something warm.

(Kate…?)

Kate: “Ellis…Aren’t you having a hard time…?”

Ellis: “…”

Even though she must have been scared just a moment ago, Kate held my hand and looked straight at me.

(…I…?)

(Why would you say that?)

I was a little surprised when Kate asked me if it wasn’t hard being the object of her fear.

Then I was convinced.

Ellis: “Ah… I see.”

Ellis: “I thought you were just scared of me.”

(Kate is a wonderful person)

She’s the kind of person who listens intently to my feelings, my happiness, and remembers things like that.

Ellis: “You were worried that I was hurt, so you made that face…”

Ellis: “…You’re so kind, Kate.”

Ellis: “If I say it like this, I might scare you again.”

Ellis: “It’s not that painful, so don’t worry.”

Kate: “…Really?”

Ellis: “Yeah, really… See, my hands aren’t shaking like yours.”

As if to reassure her, I held up our joined palms.

--“Killing people and laughing is what the devil does.”

The words I’d once heard echoed in my head, making me feel a little sad.

(But the reason I’m smiling now is not because I’m happy.)

My heart is not moved by the idea of taking people’s lives as a part of my job.

(My desires have nothing to do with it, so I’m neither happy nor sad.)

I still hold the lid on my desires tighter and tighter.

(This time, I’ll take care of someone as wonderful as Kate.)

Kate seemed to have made up her mind and grabbed my hand tightly.

Kate: “…Hot milk.”

Ellis: “Eh…?”

Kate: “My body is cold… don’t you sleep better after drinking it?”

Ellis: “…”

I suddenly remembered drinking it on sleepless nights when I was little.

It has a sweet, relaxing, and calming taste.

(…I loved it.)

(Especially when drinking it in the middle of the night.)

Ellis: “I’d like that.”

Ellis: “In the middle of the night, I actually like hot milk with butter and sugar.”

Even though she wouldn’t know anything about my heart or the memories I had just remembered,

Kate looked happy, but somehow sad, and took my hand.

(Kate… is a bit of a troubled person.)

(…she’s too nice.)

I want to make her happy, and that’s all I feel, but something seems to be mixed in with it.

The desire I had pushed deep inside my heart began to stir in my chest.

Next Chapter

[ihrtmichael]

I Must Ask,, how do you think esmeralda and phoebus celebrate valentine’s day (if they do) is there anything extra special they always try and do ?? what are your Thoughts 💃🏻🎤

it's so funny you ask this cuz i actually did a little research the other day cuz i was curious about valentine’s day during this time period (i clicked three google links) and guess what?!

there was absolutely nothing uniquely interesting or special that i found. that’s what i get for trying to be historically accurate 🤓

anyway, i feel like they always include quasi in valentine’s celebrations even after he meets madi, because valentine’s day isn’t just about romance—it’s about friends n family too 🤍‼️ ik in the second movie they have their own version of valentine's day with the whole le jour d’amour festival—but in my mind palace, that lasts about a week and ends on the 14th (and we’re just going to pretend that whole la fidèle thing never happened, because… the fuck) also, let’s be real—frollo would have hated valentine's day and would never have let quasimodo participate in something like that, even if he was just ringing a bell. but honestly, quasi wasn’t even mad about it cuz the last thing he probably needed was to be reminded of his loneliness 🤧 like i'm sure he thinks it's sweet to watch everyone pair off and pine after it himself, but then those feelings give way to "omg that will never happen for me" and,, yeah we won't dig into that further 😔💔

ik mass isn't mandatory on valentine’s day, but since quasi is the bell-ringer, i feel like he’d be there anyway and be totally fine ringing the bells for that. without fail, phoebus and esmeralda would always be at mass too, listening to the bells. it’s their little tradition 😌 afterward, they’d head up to the bell tower, bringing food or making something there so they could eat and spend time together. every year, they’d try to nudge him into coming down to the festival with them—just to check out the games or the performances—but he’s still not totally comfortable in crowds, especially with the whole romantic atmosphere, but they’re happy just being with him so it's okay. they just want him surrounded by love 🥹🥹🤍🤍

oh, and borrowing a bit from an idea i saw—before phoebus was re-offered his captain position (and while he was still figuring out whether to take it), i think he picked up some metalworking skills. so one year, he made them all matching friendship necklaces with little hand-crafted metal charms. i refuse to believe he was skilled enough to make them interlock perfectly, but it’s the thought that counts 😌

as for just phoebus and esmeralda…

phoebus absolutely lives for valentine’s day. he’s so ANNOYING about it, but in the cutest way. like—he’s always been into the holiday, but with sweet esme, it’s a whole other level. and tbh if esmeralda were my woman, i’d be the same exact way!!! but this man is so dramatic about it—he gets her way too many flowers, his lines are 1000x cheesier, and he plans 👏🏽EVERY👏🏽THING👏🏽 so if the weather is nice? picnic. horseback riding. maybe even both. he's a lover boy, that's why they tried to kill him so much.

at first, esme is so overwhelmed. she’s celebrated valentine’s day before with other boyfriends and friends, but those were always pretty simple, especially since they never had much money—gift-giving wasn’t really a big thing, so they had to get creative. their gifts for each other were definitely more of an "acts of service" kinda beat. but with phoebus, he just goes all out. and for the first time, she’s getting all this positive attention from someone without any ulterior motives, which probably takes some getting used to. but then she realizes… oh shit, he really cares??? and it’s not just about the over-the-top gestures cuz alongside the grand, romantic gifts, there’s always something thoughtful/something that shows he really pays attention. i like to think they have this unspoken rule when it comes to gifts: one thing that’s traditionally romantic, and one thing that’s actually useful. so maybe he showers her in roses and gets her a sturdy new pair of shoes because he noticed hers were starting to wear down (side note: oomf wrote the cutest fic about phoebus getting her shoes and it's my favorite 🤍) and esmeralda does the same—like if his bracer is getting worn, she’ll replace it with a new one, but inscribe a sweet little message or design on it.

anyway, she loves him, and she loves how happy valentine’s day makes him. so even if he’s insufferably corny, she listens to all his ramblings about cupid and love while shaking her head, smiling her sweet little smile and there are lots of kisses too i am sure 🥹🤍

[moonmanatee]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

sweet @saintgarbanzo tagged me even though he knows I’ve got but the one lil fic! then it got lost in my drafts. this might be a bit silly but cool to see where I’m starting, maybe. thank you, chickpea! you can find his lovely answers here 🥰

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

just one: Sun Shower!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

5950

3. What fandoms do you write for?

so far just HP, but I’ve got some drafts of other stuff (some SOC, AML, etc) that I may or may not keep working on. I did just cannibalize my favorite line from a wesper wip for a drarry one sooo we shall see

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

haha! sun shower

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do - commenting is probably my most favorite part of being a fic reader, so the comments section is important to me. there’s so much to love out there, and the comments are my favorite place to express it

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

none! don’t think I’m angst guy, really. I have some wips with pining, with complicated family feelings, with hurt, but it doesn’t quite feel like angst. and certainly won’t end that way!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

well, surprise: sun shower has a pretty sweet ending. it feels like a beginning more than an ending, though.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven’t! does it count if my partner is like ‘noooo, abandoning me for the laptop again’

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hmm, I think my smut is overwhelming and reverent and enthusiastic and honest and probably a little excessive. and WANT. and kinky. once I share some you’ll have to let me know if this is accurate

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

my mind is always thinking in connections, but that usually comes out in AU form (drarry: grace & frankie! parent trap!! the beckhams!! wesper princess diaries 2 AU!!!), rather than like everyone showing up in the same scene. so no, i guess.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

not yet, but I think I would really love this. I feel so much love about other people’s writing and so excited to share in ideas, so I feel like this format would be such a delight for me.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I don’t think I have one all-time, because once I love something I love it forever. so I just keep collecting more all-time favorites. but drarry I feel the most immense about and committed to, which is saying something because there’s very little I love that I don’t love immensely. and to be honest, my commitment to drarry is certainly because I love them as characters, but it is also about the community being so wonderful. so thank you, y’all, it’s really special here.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably never will?

so I had this completely bonkers idea that I call “avada banana tag” which is when someone dies everyone they avada-ed comes back to life, like banana tag. i.e. when Molly kills Bellatrix, we get Sirius back, etc (yes I know that only happens in the movie but bear with me for goofy concept reasons). like, the spell only holds as long as they do? makes it a pretty short-sighted way of killing someone. but that’s as far as the idea goes because it’s so absurd and messy, and I don’t think canon rewrites are something I’d know how to do justice. but I think it’s so funny and fascinating, so if anyone wants to run with it please feel free

16. What are your biggest writing strengths?

100% it’s coming up with ideas. you should see my idea dump document, it’s abundant in there. and maybe description, I hope, and sensory experiences

17. What are your biggest writing weaknesses?

I won’t call it a weakness but I have less experience with plotty things, and get really stuck in dialogue that feels off.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

I’m not fluent enough in anything else that I think I could do this myself, but as a reader I really love it, both when I do and don’t understand what’s going on. and I like communicating that they’re speaking in another language without just translating. I think I’d love to incorporate my other languages (spanish and ASL) into fic, and I also love when Draco speaks french. when it’s well done I think it’s so impactful!

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think it was actually someone else’s OCs, what feels like forever ago

20. What is your favorite fic you’ve written?

the one that’s still in my brain that I think about most days… it’s so very beautiful. I hope one day it makes it out of there!

though I love sun shower too. my first real guy, feels like a big deal, I’m proud of myself for doing it and actually sharing it!

I will tag @elskanellis, @getawayfox, @saintlupin, @rockingrobin69 if you want and haven’t already!!

[kyogre-blue]

Finally started Kaveh’s hangout (finally, seriously) and completed one of the three main branches.

This was the one about working with his suspicious but ultimately idealistic client to build a library out in Aaru Village.

Overall, not much to say about this one. It’s mid personified, not terrible, not great, just a thing that exists now.

The only real commentary I have is regarding how hilariously off the fic portrayals of Kaveh are, compared to how he actually turns out to be. He basically tells his client to fuck off once there’s too many revisions requested and too many dumb layman comments. He’s hilariously focused on maintaining a good and nice image when telling off clients, but not really concerned about the telling off itself. He’s indeed kind of gullible and stupid about things, but he’s not unaware of scammers and such. He just doesn’t think things through. He’s also, interestingly, very aware of his own (past, potentially?) guilt issues and talks about them very directly and calmly. He even pays his own and your bill at the tavern. 

Anyway, some screenshots:

I just like this one.

Kaveh bitching about Alhaitham. It’s a very interesting question how accurate is Kaveh’s perspective on Alhaitham, since he often says things that seem to be quite different from what we see, like saying Alhaitham has a temper. Where did he get that idea? 

But on the other hand, Kaveh’s first thought after getting back post archon quest is to accuse Alhaitham of trying to seize power in the Akademiya which... is so far off from Alhaitham’s actual personality that it makes Kaveh look outright delusional. 

Kaveh isn’t actually cheap to work with, and he only takes high-end projects on the whole. He outright tells a client when he feels they’re being ridiculous about hiring someone of his caliber. 

This is part of a mention toward what is art and what is artistic vision, which doesn’t really go further in this particular branch. 

However, I have to say, like so much of Genshin writing, this particular section has a bizarre swerve into “is it inspiration from the gods.” Like, bro, why did that suddenly come in. 

Also, this section read like the writers bitching about getting their glorious vision meddled with, and it made me roll my eyes. 

Similar to Heizou’s hangout, this one gives more follow up to the internal tensions of the nation that couldn’t be addressed in the archon quest. And the solution is the same: the correct and rightful archon is in charge now, so everything is going swimmingly. 

But I do admit they at least tried to bring up some points about how it’s not a simple process (though more as an excuse for why this story can even happen). 

I wonder if this is the story of what Kaveh got up to during the archon quest? It’s pretty dumb: He noticed a guy whose house looked like it was going to collapse, so he offered to help build a new one. The guy said he had no money, so Kaveh lent him some. The guy gambled it all away... and Kaveh lent him some two more times. And in the end, the guy tried to have mercenaries kill Kaveh in his own house. 

I don’t even know what to say. 

This is a minor point, but I am eternally disappointed how everyone in modern day Genshin can’t do anything except graverob when they need to build a cool thing. 

All of you are losers who are unworthy of the truly great creators of the distant past. Make your own dang mechanical cores??

The entire section of one of the endings just reads like that joke about getting a good grade in therapy. 

For someone who completely flipped out at Alhaitham for just mentioning his guilt issues, Kaveh is awfully calm discussing them in detail with a near stranger. He just goes on for like a dozen dialogue boxes analyzing himself and it’s like... I’d prefer if we had a bit more showing, you know? Something actually happening? That would be nice. 

On the whole, I guess I would characterize this writing as being kind of amateur? The writer is aware of like, characterization, and tries to weave it into the dialogue, but their attempts at being casual about it just come across as contrived and a bit weird. 

[uglypastels]

okay i just read the new chapter and i’m going full conspiracy theorist mode here so-

(also not that i think i have it fully figured out but if any of this is correct and you don’t wanna post it so it doesn’t give anything away that’s cool)

the “i’m not him” has to be about carver! it just has to. i’m thinking they worked together, maybe eddie used to work for reader’s family’s navy and something happened and the navy was doing some fuck shit and carver fucked eddie over. and there had to be a significant other involved cause who else would the letter be to? but the question is who was it? and what tf happened to lead eddie to this life? i mean something big enough to cause him to kill the whole damn fleet.

but also how did he know who reader was and that she wasn’t supposed to be on the ship? and why did he even care to know that and not just let her be a casualty other than for the reward money? i feel like there’s something more going on there than him saving her for the payout and then ��oh no! i caught feelings :(’

fucking beautiful chapter, as always btw. but u rly had me there for a minute cause i thought she got away. i had my ask mentally ready to call u a bastard and tell u i’d be sending u my therapy bill (all jokes btw, i still would’ve ate that angst up gourmet style). i am, however, still growling and thrashing and chewing on you because this fic is turning me feral. :) <3

ok i didn't want to post this when you had sent it originally since i didn't want to spoil anything for anyone because guess what your theories ended up being quite accurate haha. honestly, writing this fic had been so much fun, especially reading everyone's reactions and theories and suspicions. it was all i could have asked for <3

[salubriousbean]

m o r e q u o t e s

And some picrews of them bc I was bored

Emilia: https://picrew.me/share?cd=SfTJOb0joW

Emilia only sometimes wears glasses, not usually. Her top is extremely accurate, that's why I'm putting this here.

Bella: https://picrew.me/share?cd=K12EhlZ3F8

Fyi Bella doesn't have knife earrings. Unless Emilia gets some for her . . .

Emilia: You remind me of the ocean.

Belladonna: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

Emilia: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

Emilia: Just be careful, Belladonna!

Belladonna: *heading out the door* I'm always careful, Emilia.

Belladonna: It's everything around me that's careless.

Belladonna: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*

Belladonna: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

Belladonna: I never understood why people cared so much about their dumb friends until I got a dumb friend myself.

Belladonna: *Picks up Emilia*

Belladonna: I’ve only befriended Emilia for a day and a half, but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Emilia: How has life been treating you lately?

Belladonna: Horribly.

Emilia: Guess what I'm about to get!

Belladonna: On my nerves.

Belladonna: So, what's for dinner?

Emilia, staring at the food they burnt: Regret.

Emilia: *standing on a balcony and sneezes*

Belladonna: *standing on the roof* Bless you.

Emilia: God?!

Belladonna: If there are no questions, we’ll move on to the next chapter.

Emilia: I have a question.

Belladonna: Certainly, Emilia. What is it?

Emilia: What’s the point of human existence?

Belladonna: I meant any questions about the subject at hand.

Emilia: Oh.

Emilia: Frankly, I’d like to have the issue resolved before I expend any more energy on this.

*Emilia and Belladonna are planning to break in somewhere*

Emilia: We need to distract the guards.

Belladonna: Right.

Emilia: What are we gonna do?

Belladonna: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes.

Emilia:

Belladonna:

Emilia: Deal.

Emilia: Hey Belladonna, do you wanna help us?

Belladonna: Oh, I would... but I don’t want to.

Belladonna: You seem familiar... have I threatened you before?

The last one's very accurate lol

I found an incorrect quotes generator and went absolutely ham with my two Urinetown OCs. Quotes below the cut. And yes, Bella's full name is Belladonna like the poisonous thing

*While the Squad is in a battle*

Belladonna, trying to warn about the location of an enemy: To the left!

Emilia: Take it back now y'all!

Emilia: So, I've been thinking Belladonna-

Belladonna: That's dangerous.

Belladonna: When I was your age-

Emilia, mocking Belladonna: When I was your height-

Belladonna: Listen here you little s----

Emilia: Belladonna, no.

Belladonna: Belladonna, yes.

Belladonna: I know what you're up to.

Emilia: Really? Because I barely know.

Belladonna: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Emilia.

Emilia: I hate myself.

Belladonna: Alright, square up.

Emilia: Hey, Belladonna? I need advice.

Belladonna: I’m pretty useless at giving advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?

Emilia: *eating a cinnamon roll*

Belladonna: Cannibalism.

Emilia: *confused chewing noises*

Emilia, throwing a pokeball at Belladonna: Belladonna, I choose you!

Belladonna, not looking up from their book and catching it: You need an Ultra ball to catch this Legendary Pokémon.

Emilia: I've connected the two dots.

Belladonna: You didn't connect s---.

Emilia: I've connected them.

Belladonna: The first time Emilia opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside they yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!"

Emilia: Is that a gun?!

Belladonna: It's not what it looks like!

Emilia: It looks like a gun!

Belladonna: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore.

Emilia: ...ANYMORE?!

Belladonna, looking at their reflection: Now, that's rubbish. Who's that supposed to be?

Emilia: Well, that's you.

Belladonna: Me?! Is that what I look like?

Emilia: You don't know?

Belladonna: Busy day.

More shall come . . .

I think the cinnamon roll one is very accurate

[inkdemonapologist]

[BatIM Call of Cthulhu Masterpost]

REMEMBER BACK WHEN WE GOT INVITED TO A MASQUERADE??? And we figured out the masquerade guests are definitely the sacrifice meant to summon their eldritch deity and that the party will probably be the location of the final ritual? ANYWAY WE’RE CRASHING THE PARTY, which means we need costumes.

The party is Alice in Wonderland themed; Sammy hasn’t read the book but got kin-assigned the March Hare by Joey, so naturally i’ve been doing nothing but drawing this loser in a dapper rabbit costume for an entire week

---

Anyway have a little smattering of out-of-context quotes from session 11

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[Sammy] Sammy just has no magical powers. [Jack] YET. [Sammy] Yet. Correct. ...He doesn't want any. [GM] Half of him doesn't want any. [Sammy] That's... accurate, yeah. Half of him ALSO wants the OTHER half of him to stop having magical powers. [Jack] No Magical Girl transformation? [GM] *laughing* Is that what that is? [Jack] I'd watch a magical anime where the main character drugs themself and then becomes a weird... religious... madman! [Sammy] That does sound compelling! Maybe you should see if you can find a franchise that contains that element, and then become a big fan of it and draw a bunch of fanart for some reason. [Jack] Yeah, I dunno, I mean... it's so tiring getting into new media, I need to get a friend who will drag me into it. [Henry] And then you guys can start a roleplaying game with it and drag me into it! [GM] There's an idea! [Jack] Yeah! Someone should get on that! [GM] And if there was such a theoretical game... people might have to figure... what they're doing when they wake up!

[Sammy] We were put in a situation before where we were told that the only thing we could do was kill the host, but we found a way around it last time, [Peter] What way was that? [Sammy] Complicated.

[GM] Henry is the first to notice the apparent cultist, camping out, looking tired, trying to spot you guys. [Henry] Uh, Henry is just going to tap Sammy on the arm and point him out. [Jack] Bros! You've got to unionise! Look at these working conditions! [GM] Maybe one of these days you won't spot them, right? Hope springs eternal!

[GM] Okay, you can make an intimidate! [Sammy] Okay! *rolls* FIFTEEN IS -- this is the only thing Sammy's good at now -- fifteen is a hard success!

[Jack] I'm proud of him! [Sammy] Someone has to be.

[GM] Allison chats with everyone, and gets you into the costume room! Everyone seems relatively friendly! [Sammy] Except Sammy. Sammy doesn't seem friendly.

[Joey] My idea was, Joey would be Mad Hatter -- [Sammy] Because he needs a hat, [Joey] --Yeah, so he can have a hat -- I was thinking Sammy could be the March Hare, Jack could be White Rabbit, and then Henry could be the Dormouse, [Sammy] Yes! And then the Haiti boys are all the Mad Teaparty, which is great, because the Mad Teaparty is canonically trapped in a time loop. [Sammy] Because we tHOUGHT ABOUT THIS TOO MUCH,

[Jack] Kin-assign Pete! [GM] He's content to wear anything that looks like it fits him, as long as people aren't trying to push a co-ordinated effort. [Joey] (Pete can be Caterpillar,) [Jack] Catter-pete-lar [Sammy] Oh my goodness. Completely unnecessary. [Jack] This is a pun that Jack might make, out loud, to Pete [GM] Pete laughs, despite himself! [Sammy] I feel like, Jack would make this pun, and then Jack would be SO pleased with himself that Pete would laugh, because Jack was so happy about it. [Jack] Yeah that sounds canon. ....It IS canon!!

[Jack] You can like, actually pretend to be people who decided to come to this party to enjoy it, and not just steal and/or murder!

[Henry] I want someone on the help, because I feel like we would have more control if we had someone on the inside, [Henry] And Henry does have a very forgettable face, apparently!!

[Joey] What are the staff wearing? Target red shirt, khaki pants? [Sammy] Perfect! Everyone will fall for it! Based on my experience wearing red shirts into Target!

[GM] I guess this does mean Joey misses an opportunity to dress up Henry. [Joey] *excited gasp* Wait, wait, [GM] What? [Joey] Sorry, this has nothing to do with anything that's happening right now in the roleplay, but I just suddenly realised that (1) when Henry got married, was Joey his best man, and (2) did Joey get to pick out his tuxedo for him [Henry] UHHHH... I feel like, Henry usually defaults to Joey for outfits and stuff, but he would hesitate a bit to ask his best friend who has an obvious crush on him to help dress for his heteronormative wedding!

[Joey] There probably is at least one of the wedding photos where Joey is insistent on standing very next to Henry -- while Henry's next to Linda! -- but, [GM] ...but also, Joey is here, [Joey] But also Joey is here. [Sammy] ...absolute disaster of a man... [GM] But the tuxedos look good! [Joey] Yes. Henry was properly fitted.

[Sammy] I don't want a full-- I don't want a freakin' fursuit, because-- [Henry] (FNAF in the distance)

[Sammy] But I feel like, since both White Rabbit and March Hare are, like, dapper rabbits, they could do something like, yeah, splicer mask and also a hat. [Jack] I mean, Jack's not opposed; Jack likes hats. [Sammy] Jack absolutely should have a hat, I agree. [Jack] He's getting so many hats! So many hats, and so many boyfriends, [GM] He can't be stopped! [Jack] >:3c He shouldn't be stopped.

[GM] I'm still just stuck on the phrase "Dapper Rabbits."

[GM] If Joey and Allison are talking further away, I guess it's moot. Though Allison did see Prophet Sammy! He changed in her room. [Sammy] Well, nobody explained him to her. Sammy just showed up the next day and hoped that we wouldn't talk about it, and then we didn't! It was great. [Jack] Sammy's over here, hoping that Allison is distracted by Joey so that none of this conversation is being listened to, [Jack] MEANWHILE, smash cut to the other side of the room, where Joey is explaining SillySam,

[Joey] A lot of Joey's lack of giving information was to keep her out of it, and not paint a target on her back... but now? She has a target on her back, so... Sure! You can also sacrifice yourself, for the greater good!

[Sammy] I'm sure someone in this party will thank Allison. It won't be me. But I'm sure someone will.

[Henry] Henry's already smearing his blood on people, he's gonna agree to whatever at this point.

[Sammy] DEFINITELY not a cult, now hold still while we put this guy's weird glowing blood on you, it's fine. [Jack] Welcome to the flock!

[GM] What does this mean for Prophet Sammy's sacrificeability rating on Henry, though? Now he's potentially long-term useful... [Sammy] I mean... [Jack] The Prophet isn't here so he doesn't need to know about this! [Sammy] ...I feel like, if something has greater value, then it's an even more impressive sacrifice. That's why you sacrifice an unblemished sheep, traditionally. If it's not a blemish-- [Sammy] Like, that's most of what he was worried about, like, “does this make you not fit for sacrifice.” But if it's actually a really cool thing, ...!

[Sammy] Sammy's nervous. [Jack] Jack is also nervous. [Henry] Henry is also nervous! [Jack] Oh, that's always a good sign, [Joey] Joey's going to be confident! [Henry] ...Of course he is. [Joey] Someone has to be! [Jack]...is he "Confident" or "Confident (Fast Talk)"? [Joey] YES. That last one. [Sammy] *muttering* That's the best we got, unfortunately.

[Sammy] If Jack or Henry express nervousness, Sammy agrees with them. If Pete is nervous, then Sammy will very aggressively say that Joey knows what he's doing.

[Sammy] Allison, don't use a spell to bind people's souls together in order to avoid crunch,,, [GM] You never know when something might be handy! [Sammy] I mean, [GM] Waste not want not!

[Henry] Does Henry have to draw in blood on himself...? [GM] No, Henry has a lot of his own blood on his person.

[GM] Aw, man, Bendy should've commented on the rabbit outfits! I'm sure he'd find that hilarious. [Joey] ...why...? [GM] WHY? It's just objectively funny! No additional reason is needed!!

[Joey] Joey will go through his notes, and confer with Henry and Bendy on, okay, shall we try this, and see if we can help Bendy as well? [Henry] Henry is down to try! [GM] Bendy is worried about Henry overexerting himself. [Henry] ...Henry is down to try!

[Jack] Worst case, Jack looks at the symbol, and then he can be seeing-eye rabbit for the rest of the group!

[GM] Norman wonders what the plan is! [Henry] Bold of you to assume,

[Sammy] We're having such a good sleepover! We did a weird blood ritual, and we're braiding each other's hair~ [Joey] Having a fashion show, [Sammy] Yeah! We went out and got clothes, [Jack] Can't believe Joey called a boy, [Sammy] Gotta ask Joey about the boy he likes... wait, no, don't do that. [Jack] I'd say it's time to play seven minutes in heaven, but I think we, we did that early. [Sammy] WE DIDN'T DO A VERY GOOD JOB,

[GM] Norman wants to see how this plays out. [Joey] Okay, well, try not to get sacrificed, then, [GM] He laughs, and thanks you for the advice! [Sammy] *Hypnos Hadesgame voice* "Try not to get sacrificed, okay?"

[Henry] Allison is very helpful, and not weird at all!

[Joey] We already have the banjo case full of ritual circles, and Joey would rather have the emergency circles than Sammy carrying around bOTTLES OF INK. [Sammy] WHY, WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT THAT TO BE HAPPENING? WHAT WOULD BE THE PROBLEM WITH THAT,

[GM] Make a sanity check! [Jack] Wait, what's happening? [Sammy] Joey was trying to think too hard.

[GM] Sammy does manage to catch that there's a little-- next to the kitchen, when you go into the place where they're serving food, there's a sign that says "Sheep Shop" over it. And there's a person wearing a sheep mask, handing out food. [Sammy] OKAY, THAT'S FINE,,, I don't feel like Sammy has actually read Through The Looking Glass, so I don't know if he knows why this is happening. I think he's just concerned. [GM] Excellent. Ideal response.

[GM] And Joey has NEVER seen the symbol EVER because he's incredible at not looking at creepy symbols! Which you wouldn't expect. [Sammy] I'm sure Joey will put this in his autobiography.

[Jack] :/ No Hashtag Gay Rights at this party,

[GM] Seems to be another party-goer; in fact, you recognise the voice! [Joey] Ohhh. Kyle -- I don't know his actual name, but -- [Sammy] (Dennis!) [GM] (Yes, that's-) [Joey] -- Kyle.

[Henry] Henry is going to try to sneak up on Moonlight while he's distracted! [GM] OH! ...Okay! He's very distracted, Sammy just screamed! [excited noises from everyone beCAUSE NO ONE EXPECTED THIS] [GM] You successfully sneak up behind him! [Henry] I'm going to grab the staff! [GM] Make a Brawl check, with advantage! [Sammy] (He has SO many limbs that don't work my dude, you got this,) [Henry] That's a success! [GM] You snatch it! [Henry] I RUN!!!

[Joey] We're just both escorting Jack, now. [Sammy] Would you say Jack is late, for a very important date? [Jack] Well YEAH, his Face Removal was scheduled like 2 dreams ago!!

[GM] He'd have to roll for it, to see if it felt familiar to his trip to Carcosa. [Jack] Extreme success! [GM] Then he would pick up that familiar feeling! [Jack] Oh, nice and homey at this party! Really nice. Nostalgic! It's been a while. [Sammy] Hm, [Jack] Maybe he should go play the piano, for old time's sake! [Sammy] NO

[robininthelabyrinth]

Hopefully I’m not too early but What if Jiang Fengmian went “they only asks for blood heirs” and gave Jiang Cheng up to the Wen Indoctrination Camp because he cannot bear Wei Wuxian going and possibly getting hurt. JC is very hurt by the blatant favouritism of his father but still went as his duty dictates. He somehow become close friends with Huaisang, MianMian, and Jin Zixuan. Please give me Jiang Cheng Protection Squad. MingCheng sort of happens? Thank you so much!

“…wow,” Nie Huaisang said when Jiang Cheng finished explaining. “That’s – that’s bullshit.”

Jiang Cheng flushed. Secretly, in his heart, he agreed a little bit with Nie Huaisang’s assessment, but at the same time he couldn’t just sit around while someone said things about his father…

“Before you say that I can’t say something like that, I’m not being cruel or dismissive, I’m describing the situation accurately using crude words,” Nie Huaisang said, holding up his hands. “It’s not the same.”

That…sounded wrong.

“Back me up here,” Nie Huaisang said to the others in their group. They’d been put into a single group by the Wen sect, all of them but Mianmian who’d snuck over by climbing a tree, and given a too-small, too-crowded tent to sleep in and a single fire pit to warm themselves. How that had let them to sitting by the fire and sharing stories of how they’d been sent here, Jiang Cheng wasn’t sure. “Sect Leader Jiang deciding that because the Wen sect only asked for blood heirs that he wouldn’t sent Wei-xiong here alongside Jiang-xiong because he might get hurt is a situation can be, and indeed must be, accurately described as being total bullshit, right?”

“…it kind of is,” Jin Zixuan said. “Sorry, Jiang Wanyin.”

“It definitely is,” Mianmian said, emboldened by her sect leader’s agreement. “Absolutely bullshit.”

Even Lan Wangji hummed. It was a pretty neutral sound, but it might be an affirmative hum.

Well, if everyone agreed…

Jiang Cheng’s shoulders went down a fraction from where they’d been hovering around his ears. 

“I wasn’t just taking it too personally?” he asked, seeking confirmation. “I mean, Father’s right – it doesn’t make sense to give the Wen sect two hostages when they’ve only asked for one, and there’s always the risk that Wei Wuxian would get hurt –”

“Your father should be concerned about whether you get hurt!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed, slapping the ground. “They don’t feed us, they make us work in the fields, and who knows what else…! When my brother heard about their request, he nearly killed the Wen sect’s messenger, he was so angry!”

“My mother was angry, too,” Jiang Cheng offered. “She and my father got into a big fight –”

Nie Huaisang jabbed a finger at him, rather rudely. “From the story you told, your mother only got really angry when she heard Wei Wuxian was staying behind.”

“…so?”

“There’s a difference between being upset over your son’s well-being and being upset that – that – that, I don’t know! That your favorite dog is losing the race!”

“My mother threw a vase at my father’s head when she heard that he’d agreed to send me here,” Jin Zixuan said quietly. He was actually a lot more tolerable without his retainers puffing him up and egging him on all the time, and having to work side-by-side in the fields had revealed that under the flash and arrogance there was an introverted boy who disliked dealing with people nearly as much as Jiang Cheng did. “Then she spent the next two days trying to find a way out of it, then hovered for the rest of the week before I left.”

“My father punched a wall,” Mianmian recalled. “Mother had to sit on him before he tried something crazy, like petitioning to remove me from the sect or something. Not that’d I’d ever have let Jin-gongzi come here alone, of course.”

“See?” Nie Huaiwang said, gesturing at them all. Lan Wangji hadn’t volunteered, but obviously no one would ask him, either; they’d all heard about the burning of the Cloud Recesses. No one had agreed to send him here. “Violence in response to an unreasonable request! Violence! Anything less is unacceptable!”

“You know, for the very first time, I think see your resemblance to the rest of the Nie sect?” Mianmian said, chin on her hand.

“You’re exaggerating,” Jiang Cheng said. “No, not about the resemblance, about – the other part. It’s not anywhere near as bad as you’re all making it out to be; Wei Wuxian’s always been my father’s favorite, and Mother’s always been angry about it. It’s not a big deal.”

“They should not compare you,” Lan Wangji said. He didn’t talk much, so everyone always listened when he did. “It is inappropriate.”

Jiang Cheng didn’t know what to do with that. He’d never not been compared to Wei Wuxian, not since he’d arrived at the Lotus Pier all those years ago…and maybe even before.

“Even Lan-er-gongzi agrees,” Nie Huaisang said, pulling his knees up and putting his chin on them with a pout. “It’s all bullshit, I’m telling you. I’m taking you back with me to the Nie sect when all this is over. If your parents want you back, they can come ask nicely.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Jiang Cheng told him.

“You could come to Lanling if you prefer,” Jin Zixuan said, and Jiang Cheng turned to stare at him. “What? Your mother and mine are friends. It’d be fine. I wouldn’t – it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“I’m the heir of the Jiang sect,” Jiang Cheng exclaimed, throwing up his hands. “I can’t not go back!”

“Don’t think of it as not going back,” Mianmian said. “Think of it as taking a long detour.”

“You’d like Qinghe,” Nie Huaisang put in. “My brother’s really cool. He gives great hugs.”

“I bet he does,” Mianmian muttered appreciatively.

“Gross, Mianmian.”

“He’s seventh on the list of most attractive male cultivators, and in my personal opinion should be a good few places higher up. Get used to it.”

“I don’t do hugs anyway,” Jiang Cheng interjected before he somehow got sold up the river – he knew how this sort of thing went. “Father doesn’t like them.”

“…your father hugged Wei Ying when he arrived at the Cloud Recesses to collect him,” Lan Wangji said neutrally.

“Fine. He doesn’t like them with me. Never did, not really, the whole time I was growing up…well, I mean, I guess he did sometimes when I was really young, before Wei Wuxian came...”

“Are you seriously saying your father hugs Wei Wuxian and not you?” Jin Zixuan asked. “And that he - he stopped hugging you when Wei Wuxian was there? Because that’s – that’s…”

“Bullshit?” Nie Huaisang suggested.

“Bullshit,” Jin Zixuan agreed with surprising vehemence.

“You’re exaggerating,” Jiang Cheng said.

“No,” Lan Wangji said.

“No, what? No they’re not exaggerating, no they’re not –”

“No. It is bullshit.”

“…did we just get a Lan to curse?” Mianmian asked, eyes wide. “I didn’t even know Lans were allowed to do that. Ever.”

“It is not a curse,” Lan Wangji said with dignity. “It is an accurate description of the situation.”

“Vindication,” Nie Huaisang hissed. How Jiang Cheng had missed that he was such a vicious little snake during their time at the Cloud Recesses, he had no idea, and judging by the amused expressions on everyone else’s faces, they felt much the same. “See, Jiang Cheng, this is why you –”

“Time to sleep,” Lan Wangji interrupted. His internal sense of time was more reliable than any clock when it came to sleeping and waking, and no one complained – if they stayed out much later than nine the Wen sect guards would come to accuse them of making trouble, and no one wanted to be labelled a trouble-maker.

Mianmian disappeared back over to the women’s camp – boring in comparison, according to her, but more likely she just wanted to keep her word about watching over Jin Zixuan – and the rest of them shuffled back to bed.

Some time later that night, when Jiang Cheng was lying in the middle of a pile of arms and legs he could no longer differentiate, he stared at the ceiling and asked quietly, “…is it really that bad?”

An arm looped around his waist tightened, and a foot lightly nudged him from the other direction.

“It’s not that it’s bad,” someone said, and their voice was so faint that he couldn’t tell which of the boys it was. “It’s that you deserve better.”

Jiang Cheng didn’t know what to say to that.

He continued not to know what to say the next day, but that was the day that they got forced to act as bait on a night-hunt into a giant lightless cave and Mianmian nearly got herself killed, followed very shortly by Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji for standing up for her.

Under normal circumstances, Jiang Cheng would think first about his sect and only later about everyone else, and he tried, really, but – well, the Wens were attacking anyway, and somehow it’s Nie Huaisang of all people who hisses, “Get Wen Chao!” and Jiang Cheng had, and for a moment there it looked like they were going to be okay.

And then they all got stuck in a cave with a corrupted Xuanwu.

Minus the Wens, which was at least something.

“There are fresh maple leaves on the water,” Lan Wangji said. “There must be a way in and out.”

“I can dive in and check it out if someone distracts the Xuanwu,” Jiang Cheng offered. When they stared at him, he shrugged. “I’m a good swimmer.”

“You’d better be an amazing swimmer,” Jin Zixuan said. “I don’t want to have to plan your funeral.”

“I don’t think we get funerals here,” Nie Huaisang put in. “So if you die, you’ll stink up the whole place and we’ll all be very upset. I mean, gross!”

Jiang Cheng had by this point gotten used to Nie Huaisang’s – Nie Huaisang-ness, but it couldn’t be denied that everyone was a lot less terrified after listening to Nie Huaisang complain about nonsense for a bit. So much so, in fact, that it abruptly occurred to Jiang Cheng that maybe Nie Huaisang was doing it on purpose which…he wasn’t sure what to do with, so he decided to just put out of his mind.

Lan Wangji and Jin Zixuan put their heads together and eventually decided on each of them using a fire talisman as a distraction, alternating between them, while Jiang Cheng crept to the water and found a way out, which he reported back.

“Someone will need to stay behind as a distraction,” Lan Wangji said solemnly. His hands were clasped together, and Jiang Cheng knew what he was going to say before he said it.

“No way,” he said. “You’re not staying behind. If anything, I should; I’m the best swimmer, I might be able to get around it even if it’s not distracted.”

“You know where the exit is; it is better if you lead those going out.”

“A description will do the trick just as well,” Jiang Cheng argued. “And anyway, it’s not – it’s not as if I’ll be missed at home, the way all of you would be.”

They all glared at him, then, and he shrugged angrily.

“It’s true,” he said, and he could say it only because Wei Wuxian wasn’t there to stop him. He wouldn’t even think it, if Wei Wuxian was there; Wei Wuxian always knew when it was coming and interrupted him with a smile or a joke or something, and so the bitterness never got a chance to be let out. But he wasn’t here now, they were, and everyone else seemed to think it was all bullshit and maybe it was, okay, maybe it was. But it didn’t make it any less true. “My father has always said that Wei Wuxian understood the sect motto better than I did. He wouldn’t be upset at all if the sect went to him instead, and if I was dead or injured he’d probably just give him the Jiang surname in my honor or something. Let me be the one to stay.”

“Uh, question,” Nie Huaisang said. “Why does anyone have to stay? Can’t we just set up a trap or something?”

“A trap?” Jin Zixuan said. “What do you mean?”

Nie Huaisang shrugged and looked at Lan Wangji. “Do you know Chord Assassination?”

Lan Wangji blinked, surprised, but nodded.

“Okay, so, here’s the idea…”

It was an extremely stupid idea, based on using the chords as part of a pulley, some Wen sect soldiers and swords used as counterbalance weights, but as a distraction it worked pretty beautifully right up until the last moment when Jiang Cheng was helping Lan Wangji – whose leg was broken – swim through the water and the Xuanwu abruptly noticed that they were all going to leave and dashed after them, getting its head stuck in the exit hole they were using.

“Should we behead it or something?” Jin Zixuan asked, staring at the thrashing beast. “It can’t be allowed to hurt others.”

“Using what?” Mianmian asked, holding up a Wen sword in disdain. “These pieces of – well. These swords? It wouldn’t work.”

“I can still do Chord Assassination,” Lan Wangji said, and with all of them heaving together they were able to hold the string down tight enough to eventually cut the thing’s head off at the neck.

Nie Huaisang even used the opportunity to go pick out some sort of sword that was sticking out of the creature’s side, which he’d declared to be extremely ‘aesthetic’ if you looked at it from a certain perspective.

By that point, they were all exhausted, but no one wanted to stay a second longer in Qishan than they had to – especially since one of the small sect cultivators who’d wandered further away had seen Wens incoming – so Jiang Cheng put Lan Wangji, now totally exhausted, on his back and they all ran away.

“Come visit me in Qinghe sometime!” Nie Huaisang shouted, waving as the Nie sect disciples split off in a different direction. “I promised you some high-quality proper affection hugs from my da-ge, Jiang Cheng! Just you wait, you’ll see how good they are!”

(They are every bit as good as promised.)

[hotchley]

balls fair in love and war

So... this is the fic inspired by the AU in this post. Umm... it's a shambles, I low-key hate parts of it, the ending is rushed, but we're going with it before my laptop dies </3

Ignore any and all medical inaccuracies. I did a bit of research, but a lot of it confused me, so... this is not an accurate representation of a concussion. Like seriously. Also ignore any ethical issues, they're just... it's fine. As usual no proofreading. Umm.... don't ask where Rossi is. I don't know.

Taglist (I guess? I don't actually have one, it's just for this lol): @eldrai @willlemonheadsupremacy @shmaptainhotchnersmain @sarcvstiel @unionjackpillow @katytheinspiredworkaholic (you said you would read it so... is that okay?)

A very big and grateful thank you to @aaron-hotchner187 for giving me a title!! And to everyone else that gave suggestions, you are also much loved <3

Also, the way Hotch acts as a teacher is inspired by the way I think @ellyhotchner will be when they become a teacher <3 and everyone go and tell @whump-town thank you because she: told me about penlights, gave me the easy tiger line and is just overall a good person.

Trigger Warnings: concussions, fear of brain hemorrhages, hospitals, self-blame

read on ao3!

Like most things that went wrong in Aaron Hotchner’s life, his current predicament could be blamed on Emily Prentiss. He would not hear otherwise. And he didn’t think he should be forced to hear otherwise, given he was the one sitting on a hospital bed in a thin gown that did nothing to keep him warm, whilst she got to sit outside with a cup of coffee.

She had, admittedly, looked absolutely horrified when the accident occured, and had spent the whole journey to the hospital apologising again and again. He’s pretty sure she offered up her first-born child to him at some point as a form of penance. As well as her apartment. And he definitely remembers hearing something about grading his papers for him.

So whilst he may not want to be anywhere near her offspring- especially if they’re like her- and whilst he may definitely not want her apartment- he doesn’t care what she says, it is haunted- he will be taking her up on that last offer. Did he feel suitably appeased by her squirming the whole time, and by the fact that she was the one that had to explain to the principal why there were two classes screaming, crying and a teacher on the floor?

Yes, but there was no harm in milking it.

If he’s being completely honest, he felt like he was taking advantage of a hospital bed. He was sure he was fine. Yes, it hurts to move his head and he feels dizzy, and he probably has all the symptoms of a minor concussion, but he just really doesn’t want to be in the hospital.

Besides, he needs to make sure the kids aren't traumatised. It can’t have been easy for them, watching him just fall to the ground and hit his head hard enough for there to be blood. Emily could be traumatised, he didn’t care. But their students? Absolutely not.

He sighs. He wants to hand in his resignation now. Going back is going to be so embarrassing.

“I don’t think you understand. He is my best friend, and if he doesn’t get this blanket, he will- Spencer, what will he do if he doesn’t get this blanket?” A voice says from outside.

Aaron closes his eyes. He wants the ground to swallow him up. Forget returning to school, the next few minutes of his life are going to be even more embarrassing than the time Emily tricked him into being part of the Christmas pantomime. Haley hadn’t been offended, thank goodness, but still. It took him three months to be able to meet her eyes.

“He’ll- he’ll- I can’t even say it, it’s just so upsetting,” Spencer lies.

“Ma’am, sir, if you would let me speak for two seconds. Miss Prentiss said that some of her colleagues would be coming with Mr Hotchner’s things. All I am asking for is proof of identity,” the floor receptionist says.

The apologies immediately start to pour from the mouth of Penelope Garcia, whilst Spencer Reid just takes out both their driver's licences. The receptionist clearly approves, because before Aaron knows what’s happening, he’s being embraced by someone who smells like roses, and his favourite blanket is being draped over him.

“Oh my goodness, you don’t know how grateful I am that you’re alive,” Penelope says.

Aaron gives her a slight smile. Penelope is one of his favourite people, despite all their differences. And he likes to think he’s one of her favourites. He wouldn’t be thinking wrong.

“Penelope, I’m fine. Seriously. This is just a precaution. I promise it isn’t that bad,” he says, even though the light is starting to hurt his eyes.

“Isn’t that bad? I saw you and Emily taking your classes outside, which was weird to begin with because you both have classes that don’t require being outside, what were you doing? And then, I’m watching because the class can be trusted to sketch without my guidance and I’m curious. But then I turn my back for three seconds to help someone, and everyone is screaming, and you’re on the floor, and there’s blood everywhere and- it was scary!” she says.

“I’m so sorry,” Aaron says, for lack of anything else to say.

“I don’t want you to be sorry! I want you to stop getting hurt!” Penelope exclaims, whacking him in the shoulder.

“I don’t want you to be sorry either. It was hilarious to watch, my students were in hysterics,” Spencer adds. Penelope glares.

Aaron isn’t surprised. Him and Spencer get on- they even have shared interests- but they also have some of the same classes. And as a result of the different subjects and ways they teach, it seems to them that it is impossible for their students to like them both.

“So, not that I don’t appreciate it, but why are you here?” He asks.

Spencer and Penelope glance at each other, and Hotch feels like he’s dealing with two students that have tried to set up two of his friends.

“Garcia. Reid,” he says. In the same tone he uses when dealing with two students that have tried to set up two of his friends.

“We thought that if we came, JJ wouldn’t, but uhh-” Spencer starts.

JJ bursts into the room before he can finish. “”Hotch! What happened? I mean, I’ve heard what happened because Strauss came and told me the basics, but still. Why were the two of you in the playground? Are you okay? Let me see that bump on your head. I also brought your lunch in case you were peckish.”

“Well basically-”

“Why does Emily look like she’s about to start crying?” Haley asks, entering.

Everyone but JJ turns and stares at her with a slight look of horror. Aaron slides down the bed slightly, hoping the blanket can cover the furious blush that he just knows stains his cheeks. Him and Haley went on a date once, after he asked her in a moment of impulsivity. It was the worst thing he’d ever done, for both of them.

“Oh come on guys, we’re professionals. JJ asked me to come because apparently, Aaron listens to me? I said he’s just too afraid of me to disobey. Which, I meant as a joke, but you do know that I don’t hate you right? Sure, the date was a disaster, but you do know we can still be friends?”

“I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me,” he confesses.

“That’s why I brought her with me. To prove you wrong,” JJ says. “But yes, why is Emily so upset?”

“Because I almost killed my best friend and traumatised our students and I’ve ruined his life and our careers and he can get me fired and press charges, but all I wanted to do was make him laugh, and this is the first place where I’ve felt appreciated, and I’m going to lose it all,” Emily sobs from outside.

“Can you bring her in?” He asks Penelope.

She obliges, and Hotch pats the area next to him. Emily sits beside him, wiping her eyes on the corner of the extra blanket they brought.

“You didn’t almost kill me, it’s a mild concussion at most. Our students have seen worse, and they will be fine. My life is not ruined because you will be doing my grading. I’m not going to get you fired or press charges, and you’re not about to lose any of this. Okay?”

“You always know what to say,” she says.

He ruffles her hair.

“Love you. Platonically,” he tells her.

She gives him a bright smile, and he can feel himself smiling back, less embarrassed about everything.

And then she starts laughing hysterically, and deliberately shoves him, causing him to almost fall out of the bed, only stopped by Haley and Dave each grabbing one of his arms and pushing him back up. Of course, Emily just looks at him like she hasn’t done anything wrong.

“I cannot believe you fell for that. As if I would ever be that upset. Honestly. Haley, maybe I should replace you as drama teacher!”

Haley raises an eyebrow. “Ah yes, because the last time you got others involved in theatre, it ended so well.”

Emily has nothing to say.

Aaron does. He turns and swears in French.

“Naughty boy. Don’t let anyone else hear you. Especially not my class, I told them what that meant after you said it when I stole your stapler and then told you I’d given it to Miss Brooks.”

He pales.

“Speaking of your classes, how did this happen?” Haley asks, clearly sensing the need for a change in topic.

Emily looks at Aaron.

“It was your fault!” he says.

“Well it was your idea!” she counters.

He sighs. “So what happened was…”

Hotch and Emily’s classrooms are next to each other. To Hotch, this is both a blessing and a curse. It means he could keep an eye on her. It also means he had to keep an eye on her. See, Emily isn't irresponsible, and she would never actually endanger her students, but sometimes, she leans towards danger.

How, when she teaches modern languages, is beyond Hotch, but regardless. Strauss had actually hired Emily, not just for her abilities, but because she believed someone needed to keep an eye on Hotch. How the times have changed.

Hotch is on break duty, and he can't see anyone from his class. Which is weird. He tries to keep their lives as stress-free as possible, and he was always willing to help anyone that needs it, but certain assessments could not be avoided. But still, he expects to see at least one of them outside, if only to get a few minutes of fresh air.

Emily smiles at him sympathetically before she walks into her classroom. It is like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over him. Sympathy from Emily isn't comforting. Not when it was aimed at him. If anything, it just makes him more scared. The last time she had looked at him like that, he had explained how his date with Haley had gone from one disaster to another.

And then she laughed.

So he pushes the door open, stepping back in case something fell on him. It wouldn't have been the first time. But nothing does. So he steps into his classroom, expecting to see his eleventh grade literature class doing something suspicious.

They aren't, and suddenly he understands exactly why Emily had looked at him like that.

Because his class has never looked so upset or defeated. And his heart breaks for all of them. It has been a while since he was fifteen, but he wouldn't ever forget the feeling of helplessness that seemed to define his existence. Nor would he forget how everything felt like too much and not enough.

"What happened?" He asks them gently.

Violet, a quiet girl that always tells him what Miss Prentiss had said about him, burst into tears. One of her friends patted her back, but it's clear they didn't quite know what they were doing. Neither does Hotch, but goddammit, these are his kids. Nobody is going to hurt them.

"Hey, it's okay. Do you want to go somewhere else?" He asks her.

She shakes her head. "I just- I want all of this to be over, but then I don't because it means going to college and leaving here and having to grow up, but I just- I have no fucking idea what I'm doing and it's all too much."

He winces at the use of swear words, because he is still a teacher, but that also means he feels a sense of pride that she's able to voice what it is. Because now, he may not be able to fix the situation, but he can help.

"I know. That's okay. That's normal. And you'll work it out. You know, I almost became a lawyer."

She looks up, her eyes red, but starting to sparkle again. "A lawyer."

"Yep, I almost also applied to the FBI Academy. It was actually Miss Prentiss that talked me out of that one. Well, it wasn't really talking but the true story is a little too… inappropriate for school."

"I can't imagine you doing either of those. You'd get bored as a lawyer, and you would never smile as an FBI agent," Clarissa says.

Hotch blinks.

She shrugs like it's the most obvious thing in the world. And then she offers him a piece of candyfloss, which he rejects.

He checks his lesson plan. And then his planner. And then the calendar he keeps on his table. Emily always makes fun of him for being so organised, but Spencer admires it, and that makes him feel cool, so he focuses on that instead.

"I have a compromise. We don't need to do a lesson today, we have more than enough time to cover everything because we're already ahead. I let you do whatever you want for the remainder of the lesson- whether that's colouring or crying or dancing. But you have to do it outside. I didn't see any of you at break."

"Really?" Violet asks.

He nods. "Of course."

Everyone cheers, and grabs their bags, clearly ready to not use their brains for a bit. Aaron gives them the most warm smile he can manage, but he can't help the small surge of guilt that accompanies his lack of realisation.

As his class exits, happily chattering away to each other, Emily pokes her head out the door.

"Mr Hotch, what are you doing, and can I join?"

Immediately, all eyes are on him.

"Please?" Violet asks.

Clarissa pulls out the puppy eyes.

Thomas falls to his knees.

"Oh my god, yes fine, okay, just- everyone be quiet before Strauss finds out and shouts at me," he says.

Emily runs back inside, and soon, they're all just milling about and having fun on the playground. It's nice, both for the students, and the teachers, to have a bit of a break from the world, and to spend a few moments away from it all. Some of them are running around, playing a game of tag, some of them are simply sitting around, and a few are colouring.

"Do you still like playing catch?" Emily asks him.

"What?"

"Catch. Remember, you used to play it with Sean all the time when we were in college."

"I mean yeah, I would probably get involved, but I'm not quite sure-"

"Think fast!" She shouts, and she lobs a netball at him.

The last thing he thinks, moments before his head meets the ground with a large amount of force- enough for there to be a small amount of blood- is: how is it always her? Every single time he gets into a situation, it's her that causes it. That has to be statistically impossible. Maybe he should ask Spencer…

"So yeah! And now I'm here!" He shoves Emily, who has the audacity to look offended.

Penelope kisses his forehead. Haley laughs a little, but Reid just blinks like he can't quite believe how stupid his co-workers are.

"Well. From what I've heard, it was a pretty good shot," JJ comments.

Haley turns to her. "From everything we've just been told, that's what you choose to pick out?"

"I'm a gym teacher, can you really blame me?"

Emily mutters something.

"You were what?" Garcia asks.

"I was aiming for his leg," she repeats.

"Emily. I know you teach languages, not biology, but look at me. Head," Hotch says, pointing at the bump he's not going to cover up, "Leg." He points at his ankle.

"It's always lovely when people know their anatomy. Saves me a lot of time," a new voice says.

Hotch turns in the direction of it, ready to make a snarky comment, but whatever words he had thought of die on his lips as he suddenly feels like he's been transported into a medical drama full of unrealistically attractive protagonists.

Because the doctor who has just walked in is the most handsome man he has ever seen. His smile is easy and genuine, and his eyes seem to twinkle with mischief. And his arms, oh god his arms seem like the safest place to exist. Aaron can't help but wonder what it would be like to have those arms wrapped around him-

His cheeks warm. No.

"Hi, I'm Dr Morgan. But you can all call me Derek. I'm here for Aaron Hotchner. Who I am going to assume, is you," he says, looking straight at Hotch.

"I- yes. How did you know?"

Dr Morgan- Derek- somehow smiles even more. "Well, even though there are far too many people in here- did all of you somehow miss the two people at one time sign- you are the only one in a hospital bed wearing a hospital gown, so. I'm no profiler, but it was pretty easy."

If it's even possible, his cheeks flush more. But one word sticks out to him. "Wait, profiler?"

"You got me. Crime procedurals are my guilty pleasure. I always said that if I joined the FBI, I would become a profiler. Obviously, I went down a very different route."

"Obviously. Wait, too many people? Oh god, I'm so, so sorry, if you need them to leave, they can. In fact, I also feel a lot better, so if you would like me to also go, I really, it's no trouble."

Because he is an idiot- there really is no other justification for this- he tries to stand up. And he does. He also gets a few steps in before the world starts spinning and he almost loses his balance. Derek somehow moves fast enough to guide him back to the bed. Aaron tries and fails to ignore how warm he is.

"Thanks," he whispers, slightly breathless. And not just from almost hurting himself again.

"It's not a problem Aaron. Both things. Your friends can stay, we're just doing some simple checks," Derek says.

"Oh everyone calls him Hotch," Penelope says.

"Aaron is fine. Really." Because he likes Derek calling him Aaron. He wants Derek to call him Aaron.

And then he meets Emily's eyes and he realises his mistake. There's a common denominator that exists with everyone that he tells to call him Aaron, and he knows that she knows what it is. He's fucked.

"Okay then. Well, can you explain to me what happened?"

Aaron is mesmerised by Derek's eyes. So mesmerised that he forgets to answer. "Sorry, what?"

There's a flash of concern, replaced by a smile. "Can you tell me how you ended up here?"

"Oh yes. So, I'm a teacher- so is everyone here. And I- I was outside, with my- my students when Emily- that one there- she, look, it's a really mild concussion, can I just be discharged? I'm sure my students are very, uhh, very scared," he stutters. Why can he never function when he likes someone? It's mortifying.

"I'm sure it is, but you can't blame me for doing my job. I'm going to take your heart rate now, okay? The stethoscope will be cold, but it'll warm up eventually," Derek says.

Aaron nods, and barely flinches when it touches him. If anything, he's more concerned by how close Derek seems to be. Not in a malicious way, but he's always had this deeply irrational fear that if someone got too close to him, they'd be able to read his thoughts. Which would mean Derek can hear both the fact that he has a crush and that he has this fear.

Derek pulls away, and Aaron exhales.

"Your heart rate is unusually fast. Normally that wouldn't be too concerning, because we expect that when patients seem anxious, but you've seemed pretty calm, up till this moment," Derek says, noting how Aaron tenses.

"Is he going to be okay?" Penelope asks.

Derek turns to her. "Of course he is. He's in good hands."

Aaron needs to get his mind out the gutter before his cheeks explode. Or before Emily opens her mouth.

"Aaron, I know you think the concussion is mild, but this is still a requirement. I'm going to turn on this penlight, and I'm going to ask you to follow it with your eyes okay? Follow the light," Derek explains.

He nods, and Derek turns the penlight on. Aaron flinches at the brightness of it, then tenses in slight fear that his lovely doctor is going to be annoyed at him or call him difficult, or sigh and say he needs to stop acting like a child. It wouldn't be the first time,

But Derek doesn't do any of those things. He does something very different.

He places his hand on Aaron's thigh. "Easy tiger. I won't hurt you," he says.

Aaron melts. His eyes drop down to where Derek's hand is warming his skin. He thinks Derek says his name, but he's too busy having a crush to hear him. And then suddenly, his thigh is cold, but Derek is touching his shoulder and he should be shying away from the light being shone in his eyes. But he isn't because he's too busy looking at Derek and his beautiful eyes to even pay attention.

Rather late, he remembers that there is a reason for Derek to be looking at him the way he is, and he tries to follow the light. But the headache he's had since he came around is only getting worse, and the light isn't helping.

Derek isn't smiling anymore.

"Aaron. Be very honest with me. You've displayed difficulty with coordination, memory and speech. If I asked you whether or not you felt sick or nauseous, what would your answer be?"

Normally, he would just under exaggerate, but Derek seems to genuinely care. So he chooses to be honest.

"Yes?"

Derek's eyes widen. "Aaron, I don't want to alarm you, but I like to keep my patients informed. You're going to have a CT scan done immediately, and there's a chance you may be rushed into emergency surgery."

Everyone, including Emily, starts to panic, but Derek leaves the room to grab a nurse to help, and to tell someone else to make sure there's a clear room. Aaron isn't completely sure what's happening, but his head is killing him, so he lays down again. It only helps a small amount.

For Aaron, the CT scan isn't too bad. If he knew the reason it was being done, and that it wasn't a routine procedure, he would probably have spent the whole time panicking. But he doesn't, and so he sits there- well lies there- with a slight smile on his face. The migraine he's had has been getting worse, so keeping his eyes closed for such an extended period of time is actually quite enjoyable.

It is far less enjoyable for everyone that is upstairs, waiting to find out whether or not their friend has a brain hemorrhage. That's what Derek told them after Aaron was carted away, still seeming very out of it. They needed to test him for a brain bleed. And if he had one, then it would just be a case of waiting to see whether they could treat him. And even if they could treat him, it wasn't guaranteed that he would get back to normal.

Emily, in spite of all of her teasing comments, isn't coping. Because it's still early, the floor is relatively quiet, and Derek is technically on his lunch break, so he's sitting with them in an attempt to provide them with some sort of comfort. He's not sure where this emotional attachment to these random people has come from, but it's formed itself and now he's determined to provide some comfort.

"I really was aiming for his leg," Emily whispers.

"Hmm?" Derek asks, not quite following.

"When I threw the ball, I really was aiming for his leg. He had lost consciousness by this point, but I started crying when he hit the ground. He forgave me. He told me he loved me, platonically that is, and I laughed at him. He's going to die, and he isn't going to know how much he meant to me."

"He's not going to die. He may not even have a brain bleed. But if he does, we're going to save him, and you're going to be able to spend the rest of your life telling him how much he means to you. I promise," Derek says.

Even though there are tears in her eyes, Emily turns to him and smiles. "You're a good man, Dr Morgan."

"That's all I've ever wanted, Miss Prentiss. So thank you. It means a lot to me." And it does. He replays the moment as he goes over to Spencer and Penelope, who he feels a strange sense of protection over. Like he needs to protect them from everything, which is weird, because once Aaron is discharged, he'll probably never see them again.

That shouldn't make him sad, but it does.

"Mr Hotchner's CT scan came back normal. There's no sign of a brain bleed," the nurse tells them, what feels like a lifetime later.

There's a collective sigh of relief, and when he's wheeled back in, looking tired but alive, Emily throws her arms around her best friend, who lets out a soft sound of surprise. Like he's not quite used to the fact that people love him. Derek smiles. His patient will be in good hands when he gets discharged.

"Wait, so what caused all of those problems?" Spencer asks.

The nurse shrugs. "It's probably as simple as: his concussion was more severe than we initially thought, but not as bad as we feared."

"Oh."

"And on that note, Aaron, we're keeping you overnight for observation. It's just to be safe. We can't be too careful. You gave everyone a very big scare when you got sent out," Derek says.

Aaron cannot, and will not, confess. Does he feel guilty? Yes. But he can live with the guilt. He cannot live with the all-encompassing shame that will come with explaining that actually, the reason he was stuttering and failing the penlight test was because of a silly little crush.

"Okay," he says, determined to be as compliant as possible.

"One- and only one- of you is welcome to stay with him, if you'd like," Derek adds.

Haley's eyes light up. "I'll do it! Jessica can bring me my things, and maybe you'll be able to look at me after we've spent another night together. Only this time, nobody's getting pneumonia. I hope so, at least. You're not cold are you?"

Aaron shakes his head. "But you really don't need to stay. I'll be fine on my own. Seriously."

"I know, but I want to. Believe it or not, I do actually enjoy your company."

He smiles.

"We should all be getting a move on. Jason and Erin will want updates, and I have lots of marking," JJ says. She kisses Hotch on the forehead before walking to the door, smiling at Derek for looking after her friend so well.

Spencer waves from where he's standing and Penelope showers him with affection. Emily is the only one that seems hesitant to leave.

"Can I stay till visiting hours end?" She asks.

"Do you feel like you can keep up with these two lovely ladies Aaron?" Derek asks.

Aaron has never enjoyed the sound of his name as much as he does when it comes from the doctor. "I- sure," he stutters, and he just knows his cheeks are a stupid colour. Emily frowns, as though she finds something suspicious.

Derek smiles. "Good man. I'll be back in a few hours to run the same tests as before. For now, take it easy."

Derek doesn't come back a few hours later, because he has other patients. It's a different doctor, and Aaron is both relieved and disappointed. Because on the one hand, he's not going to create another medical crisis, on the other, he wants to see Derek again.

Maybe he can get Emily to knock him out again…

"Your heart rate seems completely normal. And you followed the penlight exceptionally well, so I believe we have nothing to fear. Of course, you'll stay overnight, and we'll run these tests once more before you're discharged tomorrow, but I think we're out of the woods now," they say.

Emily gasps, and Aaron knows he's screwed. Luckily, both the doctor and Haley seem to not have heard, and she leaves with the doctor, so Aaron doesn't have to know right at that moment whether his suspicions are correct.

"Night Hotchner," Haley says a few minutes later.

Hotch is already asleep.

The entire team comes and collects him from the hospital.

Aaron is just grateful they're sending him home with a pack of all the things he now needs to do, because he spent the whole lecture admiring how handsome Derek looks with sun shining down on him that he didn't take any of it in. It's also Derek's signature on the discharge papers. He's reminded of high school, when he and his friends would make fake marriage certificates. Not that he's going to do that.

"Bye Aaron. I don't want to see you here any time soon, okay?" Derek teases.

"I won't make any promises," he replies, just relieved he does it without stuttering or blushing.

Derek smiles, and the twinkle in his eyes seems even more mischievous. "Miss Prentiss," he says, spotting Emily.

"Dr Morgan," she responds. She's smirking.

When Aaron asks her what was going on, she doesn't answer. Haley says it's probably linked to the emotions of the previous day, and she's usually good at reading these situations, so he doesn't push any further. Besides, he's too busy catching up with the meetings he missed, and the antics of his students, because a lot happened in the three days he was off, to give it much thought.

Two weeks pass, and the incident is almost completely forgotten.

But then he walks back into his classroom, having just finished a meeting, and he finds flowers on his desk. Tulips. His favourite. He immediately pulls the note out, and when he opens it, he almost wonders if he's concussed it.

Because he knows that signature. He's been staring at it for fourteen days. It's Derek's.

"Surprise. Aaron," a voice says for the doorway.

"How- what- I- what?"

Derek Morgan, still in scrubs and a white coat, smiles at him. "Want to pick a question I can actually answer?"

"How did you- what are you doing here? And why?"

"Well, you should thank Emily. After the other doctor took your heart rate, she came and told me her suspicion. Apparently, you always say you're Hotch. Even the students call you Mr Hotch. Which is strange, because I call you Aaron. And, you shouldn't have done the penlight flawlessly if you had a more severe concussion. So she thinks you have a crush. I didn't want to be unethical, so those flowers can simply mean: I hope you're coping. If you don't have a crush that is."

"What if I do?" Aaron asks, surprised at his own boldness.

"Then I would ask if I could kiss you before I take you out to dinner," Derek says, not missing a beat.

"And if I said yes?"

Derek takes three long strides, and he kisses Aaron like it's something he was made to do. Aaron melts against him, trying to memorise him as quickly as he can, before he realises he has all the time in the world to do that. Because Derek is going to take him out to dinner. Derek, who brought him flowers.

"That was- wow. Wait. You have a crush on me too!" Aaron exclaims with a grin.

"Of course I do," Derek says.

That stuns Aaron back into silence. "Wow," he whispers to himself.

Derek hugs him, and being in his arms is everything- no more- than Aaron imagined it to be. "I'm glad you're okay," he says.

"I'm glad you don't hate me," Aaron says, because he really doesn't know what else to say.

Derek laughs, and Aaron can't wait to find all the ways he can make that happen.

"We should say thank you to Emily at some point. If she didn't know you as well as she does, she wouldn't have realised you had a crush. And if she wasn't so terrifying when she wants something good for her friends, I wouldn't have sent the flowers."

"Can we say thank you later? I want to stay like this for a few moments," Aaron whispers, snuggling closer to his new boyfriend.

"Of course we can," Derek says, kissing his forehead.

When they eventually make it to Derek's car- Aaron can come back tomorrow and get his, it'll be fine, Aaron realises he has one more thing to say.

"Derek?"

"Yes, sweetness?"

Well. That makes him feel things he won't confess too, because he needs something to make him seem the slightest bit cool.

"I'm really sorry I made you think I had a brain hemorrhage."

Derek's laughter is so real that Aaron can't help but join in, and they end up not starting the car for five minutes because it would be irresponsible to drive in that state. And it's only when they're pulling out that they both realise something: Derek gets to see Aaron's family again, and Emily didn't need to hit him in the head again for him to get to see Derek again.

[wizkiddx]

...surprise part 2

warnings: tw for miscarriage , mh and eating disorder(though more like just really poor relationship with food) - please don’t read if these are sensitive topics

There will be a part 3!! This is v sad, um but from experience a bit so I’ve tried to be as accurate as possible, if this offends anyone please message me and I will take it down if that’s what you want xx

(this is fictional, and everyone’s experiences are different)

[part 1]

By the time it came to dinner at his parents there was still very much an elephant in the room. Tom had sort of assumed that later in the morning you’d properly explain it, at least bring it up? But you’d skilfully managed to dance your way out of the conversation every time there was the opportunity to talk it out. For example, even though Tom was pretty sure you’d already washed you hair this morning apparently you had to take the worlds longest shower in the world in preparation for his parents roast. It also didn’t go unnoticed that you’d locked the ensuite door while you were in there.

Now this might not seem odd to most but Tom knew this wasn’t right. You were 3 years deep at this point and when Tom was home the two of you really used to make the most of it- barely leaving each others side. This meant brushing your teeth together, showering and bathing together - or at least one perched on the bathroom shower while the other was washing. Just doing the mundane together, that was the intimate thing- it didn’t have to be sexual or encroaching personal space. Clockwork, that’s what it was. It had taken a bit of time at the start for you to open up and be body confident in front of Tom, yet you were both long since past that point - or so you had been. With every ounce of your being, you knew that Tom loved you for you. Frankly though, that was the issue… you weren’t you. Your body had changed , or rather withered away and that was your fault. Yet another thing to add to the list. Being conciously aware of how unattractive you looked, literally a shell of yourself, there was only a wave of sad acceptance to surged through when you did lock the door.

Because in your head you. knew. This was the beginning of the end of your time with Tom and it was all your fault.

/////////////////////////

“I can help with that.” Y/n’s voice got Nikki turning away from the sink where she was attempting to make a dent in the huge pile of washing up Sam had accumulated - the boy could most definitely cook, but clean up? Not one bit.

“No no dear you go sit with them.” She shooed and smiled kindly at the girl she thought of as an adopted child herself. Because honestly? She looked like she could pass out at any point just from standing up. She clearly tried to hide it- wearing a baggy knitted sweater and mom jeans- but even just from her face, you could tell she was gaunt.

“I-no I’ll dry.” Y/n spoke very matter of factly , making Nikki just nod in agreement since this was probably the most conversation anyone had got out of Y/n since she arrived.

Tom had texted them all before hand, with the very unspecific message of ‘please don’t mention anything she’s just been ill and stressed’ and followed up with ‘I really mean it.’ Unsurprisingly, everyone had lots of questions given the ambiguity of the message, however these were all answered as soon as the door had opened to the couple. So dinner went down quieter than normal, everyone noticing how protective Tom was being of Y/n - who never ever normally needed protection, (in fact sometimes the other way round).

So Nikki and Y/n stood side by side, silently washing up. They must’ve stood that way for 10 or so minutes, Nikki hesitant to say something that was wrong, but desperately wanting to break the silence. But Y/n took that job out of your hands.

“How did you find out you were pregnant with Tom?”

“Oh god now your making me think” Nikki laughed, suddenly so relieved at an easy topic “um I think it was a bit of a shock you know? We had spoken about kids but weren’t actively trying for one and then all of a sudden I was sick and took a test.”

“So Dom was happy about it though?”

“Of course he was over the bloody moon. The man was meant to be a dad you know? At least I think he’s pretty good at it.” Y/n giggled lightly at the question and nodded vehemently.

“Yeh he is… I think all your boys are - when I brought my cousins.” Y/n smiled a little at the memory of bringing her two toddler cousins round to Tom’s family home. Safe to say that day the kids were spoilt with attention and food and had all the boys wrapped round there little fingers.

“You might just be right there. Are you and Tom trying?” Nikki probed, testing the waters a little.

“No.” Y/n closed that thought path down very very quickly. “I er… I was just wondering.”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to-“

“No no it’s fine.”

Back to the silence of the washing up, the occasional clink of ceramics and culterlry clanging together reverberating through the otherwise empty kitchen.

“So you never had….um any issues with kids. No…er no losses or scares?”

Nikki suddenly had a much better guess at what this whole situation was about.

“One…. I lost a baby girl between the twins and Paddy. It-it hurt a lot and you know I still wonder sometimes. We just never had a little girl and it well, it would have been amazing… but I’m a firm believer of everything happens and if we never had that angel we maybe wouldn’t have Pads…”

“I’m sorry” Y/n muttered, Nikki noticing how her eyes were absolutely fixed on the frying pan she was drying up.

“I don’t mind love, and I think she’s still with us in her own special way you know.” Nikki studied how Y/n silently nodded, thinking it were going to drift back to silence - yet instead she gulped before speaking.

“I don’t think I want kids now. I do- but not right now. Just Tom’s still so busy and we aren’t married but-“ Y/n’s pace of talking suddenly dramatically picked up and Nikki could hear a wobble in her voice “but… no-one does the sort of nuclear family anymore do they? I mean suppose I did want that and-…. I don’t know but it would’ve worked out right?Like-like if I… if we um“

“Y/n love, please I just need to ask because I care about you… Did you loose a pregnancy?” Nikki hit the metaphorical hole in one. Although she was pretty certain before she’d even asked, the way Y/n froze and fear took over her expression said it all.

“I-“ Y/n stammered before forcing a controlled breath out through her nose, still looking down, now on the cutlery drying process. “I- yeh. I couldn’t do it and they-“ Nikki interrupted her, the tears brimming to such an extent the started escaping over Y/n’s eyelashes as Nikki took both the tea towel and forks out her hand.

“Come with me.” Nikki whispered in Y/n’s ear, directing her out the kitchen - leading Y/n’s small frame into Dom’s office, mainly because it was the opposite side of the house to where everyone else was.

She got Y/n sat down on the small striped sofa and joined her after retrieving a box of tissues from the window sill. At this point Y/n was properly crying, no matter how much she tried to swallow back her feelings or wipe away her tears with shaking hands. Nikki read the girl like a book, watching her try to bite back the pain.

“Love, you take a breath and then tell me what you want to.” Y/n was the one that brought up the topic, Y/n was the one that searched Nikki out that evening. Nikki knew she needed to get this off her chest.

“I found out just after Tom left for Atlanta and-and I was… I was pretty late anyway at that point, I think like …like 9 weeks they said? And I was terrified because we weren’t ready and Tom said he wanted kids in the future but not now and then…then they happened. I hated them at the start. They’d ruined my life I’d have to quit work because lets face it Tom just wouldn’t be around and then…. But-but I don’t know… I was waiting till Tom was supposed to get back. Cos then I’d have the scan picture and you sort of can’t say ‘I’m pregnant’ over the phone so. So yeh.” Nikki nodded, squeezing Y/n’s had gently, encouraging her to continue. “But then I had the scan and they had a heartbeat you know? Suddenly I was so in love with the little blob in my stomach and I was like it will all work out, because it just would and-and Tom-“Her voice cracked again, Y/n bit back the sob though and continued “Tom would be the best dad anyone could ever imagine.” Nikki exhaled heavily, pulling Y/n into her chest as she cried a bit more. Giving her a chance to ground herself again. It took a moment or two but then Nikki pressed a little again.

“He doesn’t know about any of this… does he?” Nikki knew this was something more than just telling her almost mother-in-law. This was Y/n telling someone , anyone, else for the first time. Speaking the words the first time. Making it hurt all over again. The answer wasn’t really needed, but Y/n still shook her head against Nikki’s shoulder, confirming her suspicions.

And then Nikki waited, waited for her to speak again.

“And then it was two weeks ago and I-I was 14 weeks. I had a bump and everything! But I was at dinner with my friend and I got this horrid pain in my stomach. And I knew it. I knew I….I had wished my baby away for weeks and weeks and they’d given up. I ran home and bled my baby away into the drain. And…..” She took a shaky breath, attempting to steady herself. “And I I was grieving I think? Well I think I still am. But I couldn’t eat and it was just like I didn’t do enough for them? So-so I was supposed to be getting my life sorted and you know getting over it this week before Tom came back. But then he came home last night and I-I had a migraine so I didn’t notice him until this morning. He-he was never supposed to see me like-like this! So-so I shouted at him, I was really mean. Really really horrid to him which is stupid because I love him so much and….and I killed his baby.” Y/n’s voice was raised as it also got more fragile - completely synchronised with Y/n herself, who looked like she was going to crack and break at any point.

It was important that she went through the whole story. It was important the Nikki just listened as she recounted the traumatic, vulnerable and oh so personal loss she’d gone through. It was important she let it out into the world for the first time.

“Y/n… look… these things just happens sometimes right? It’s no ones fault and… I know that the day you are blessed with a little baby you will be an incredible mother. I’d love to say I could somehow make you feel better but I’m not sure I can… when this sort of thing happened to me I needed Dom. He held me together and then picked up the pieces and - well we slowly put them back together. So you know why I can’t really help, don’t you?” Y/n sniffed, her eyes closed, but eventually after letting Nikki let silence in the air she nodded minutely. Nikki squeezed her palms tightly, as she looked at the girl with such deep empathy and sympathy. She could only imagine how traumatic it must be tp have this happen with your first child - especially without anyone else to lean on.

“Because you’re not Tom?” With an agreeing nod, Nikki stood up , withdrawing her hands from Y/n’s grip; rubbed up and down Y/n’s back before finally offering a plan.

“Look, I’ll go get him and you tell him what you told me okay? He loves you and he’s worried.”

After a little more comvinving and encouragement, Y/n steeled her nerve as Nikki fetched Tom. The two woman had agreed that the couple would just go back to their home, where Y/n, in her own space would tell Tom. Here she didn’t feel as if she could - this was unequal territory, this was Tom’s childhood home. Nikki knew that this fact would really be irrelevant - it only mattered if the couple somehow called it quits… and she knew without doubt that’d never happen.

///////////////////////////

Tom walked in quietly, clearly having been briefed that something was going on, taking notice of the tear tracks Y/n’d tried to wipe away and just how small and vulnerable she looked. Wordlessly, Tom crouched in front of her, his deep brown eyes swimming with warmth as they met hers.

“Mum said you wanted to go home… is that still okay?” She nodded jerkily in agreement, wiping her eyes once again before taking Tom’s hand as he guided her to stand. Nikki gave her a sad smile as her son led the two of them out the room and forward the front door.

It was hard- no doubt- but she had absolute faith in the relationship between the two.

They’d be okay.

Tagging people who were interested : @vanillanestor @thevelvetseries @333dolans

[franniebanana]

CQL Rewatch - Ep 20

Iconic. Seeing Wei Wuxian back and better than ever is so satisfying! That flute playing that probably we’ve all forgotten about since the first two episodes becomes a repeating leitmotif throughout the series. It’s just as iconic as Wei Wuxian himself. And what I love about this shot here is how the light hits his eyes, and from this specific camera angle, it looks like a mask on his face! I just thought that was super cool. Whether it was intentional or not, I have no idea, but I like to think it was. I guess it’s like a reverse mask in this case—everything is hidden except his eyes.

It’s amazing how I only went without Wei Wuxian for like half an episode, yet it felt like so much longer. The emotional weight that he carries is so great that from all the characters searching for him, it feels like it’s actually been three months, instead of more like twenty-five minutes. And I think that’s something that we can feel in CQL but we can’t really feel in the book. Since the book is written in third person limited, we only see Wei Wuxian’s side of the story (I think that’s accurate, but it’s been a few months since I read it). That being the case, we never leave Wei Wuxian’s side, we never get to miss him being there. Of course the story is framed totally differently in the book and not in chronological order, even—lots of flip-flopping, which is fun but also a little confusing when you’re trying to keep track of a timeline.

I think part of what makes Wang Lingjao so creepy here is that her garish makeup is totally gone: her face is pale and ghoulish, with just the bright red blood trickling out of her nose, mouth, and cut on her cheek. I think they could have made her even more ghostly, but I like what they did for her apparition. It’s fun to see how fast Wen Chao cracks, though. He’s very much all bark and no bite—honestly, such a coward. On the one hand, it’s satisfying to watch him lose it, but on the other, it’s quite disturbing. I toe the line between enjoying it and being disgusted by it, but I love that CQL at least kept in this part of Wei Wuxian’s character. It’s like revenge, no matter how bloody, is okay in Chinese tv, but not the main character being kind of bad. I don’t get why they had to nerf his character to the point of absolving him of all guilt with everything that happened. I like a character who makes bad choices, but feels guilty for it, because that shows depth. Someone who bad things happen to because of the “real villain” aren’t as interesting to me. I think also that Xiao Zhan would have been amazing as the real Wei Wuxian from the book, had they adapted him that way. I also would have really, really loved to see the scene that is only really described to us (I think by Lan Xichen) where a distraught and delusional Wei Wuxian rejects Lan Wangji. Ugh, that would have been so heart-wrenching! Maybe in the donghua…sigh….

So this is important, I think. There was a point in the last episode where Jin Zixuan tells his cousin not to let the crows peck at the dead bodies of their enemies. In other words, don’t desecrate the bodies, even if they are the enemy. Of course, Jin Zixuan didn’t hold any personal grudges towards any of them, at least that we know of. Jiang Cheng certainly does. So even though Wang Lingjao is already dead by her own hand, he whips her with Zidian. Jiang Cheng is becoming more and more twisted by his anger and grief, which he never deals with in a healthy way. He wants revenge against those that have wronged him and his parents, and he really never stops seeking revenge throughout the story. First it’s against the Wens, and then it’s against Wei Wuxian. It’s a fairly slow descent, I think, over years, but I quite like watching him twist like this. While it’s fun and interesting watching someone repent and have a redemption arc, it’s also interesting watching them go the other way.

Lan Wangji seems to know, or at least suspect, that the person who has killed everyone in the Supervisory Office, including Wang Lingjao, is Wei Wuxian. A talent for using talismans (one of which Lan Wangji used himself to escape the Wens), someone who is seeking revenge against the Wen Clan—these things point to Wei Wuxian in his mind. He doesn’t want to say this to Jiang Cheng, he doesn’t even want to admit it himself, but he’s putting the pieces together. I think this is a frightening thought for him. On the one hand, he would be happy to find Wei Wuxian alive, but on the other, what state would they find him in? And what does it mean that he’s killed all these people singlehandedly? This isn’t the Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji knows and cares so deeply about. This isn’t the man that Lan Wangji was ready to die for. I think his heart is very much filled with dread in this scene.

Jiang Cheng’s line is interesting too—basically, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Solid, really, but it does come with some problems in reality. The enemy of your enemy just might stab you in the back later. It’s a very simplistic view, but I think at this point, Jiang Cheng is just happy to see the Wens dead. There are a few he wants to kill himself, but he seems satisfied if they just die out, regardless of who does it.

I like seeing Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng team up for these few episodes, because it’s fun seeing how they each approach the situations. Jiang Cheng relies heavily on his heart and emotions, which I can totally identify with. He wants to find Wei Wuxian and he wants revenge on Wen Zhuliu and Wen Chao—those are his two priorities. And then Lan Wangji is definitely more of a logical person—he wants to get to the bottom of these deaths and find out who is the person with so much wicked energy that is doing all of it—and also, that person is probably Wei Wuxian, who he is very interested in finding. Here Jiang Cheng wants to rush after Wen Zhuiliu, just as he did when he went back to Lotus Pier. He’s very rash, while Lan Wangji is much more calm and collected. I mean, if it were me, I’d want to see if they would give up any information before I killed them.

And the reveal is…Wen Chao is fucking disgusting! I didn’t even want to screencap one of the close-ups, because I felt like I’d have to do a trigger warning for blood lol. Not really, though, because I never do, sorry. I love the looks on Jiang Cheng’s and Lan Wangji’s faces, though. Jiang Cheng is so horrified and Lan Wangji is just mildly shocked. I think the real thing is like, who are we dealing with here? Who is this monster who’s been murdering everyone in all these different ways? Who has made Wen Chao look like this? Is this friend or foe? Like I said, Jiang Cheng keeps saying that as long as the person is killing the Wens, he’s fine with it, but I think even he is bothered by this level of mutilation, even against someone he loathes.

It’s hilarious to me that Wen Zhuliu uses this tactic with Wen Chao. Oh, you’re going to insult me? I’m useless? Okay, bye! LOL. Also very amusing that this is really the last conversation they have with each other: this bickering that they’ve probably done over and over off screen. Wen Zhuliu stays by Wen Chao’s side, though, because he’s indebted to Wen Ruohan, of course. It would have been a neat twist to see Wen Zhuliu defect. And you still could have had a dramatic scene where Jiang Cheng chases him down.

I love it! I love it I love it I love it! The flute! This part is so well done (it’s still a little campy, of course, but that’s part of the charm)! I mean, as the audience, we all know who it is by now, but I love that they keep up the mystery because Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng still don’t know. They didn’t see him walk in. I just love this.

And shock. Jiang Cheng looks significantly more surprised. It had never crossed his mind that the person doing all this was actually Wei Wuxian, the very individual that he’s been searching for. Lan Wangji, on the other hand, doesn’t really look surprised. He looks a little surprised, okay—I’ll give you that. But I think most of what he’s feeling right now is the deep dread of being right. He wanted to be wrong, even when everything pointed to Wei Wuxian. I don’t think he wanted to believe that Wei Wuxian was capable of this, no matter how much he wanted to get revenge for what happened at Lotus Pier. I think there’s disappointment there too—how could he do such a thing? And I’ve giffed this scene with this quote: “He started to estrange her…And they became strangers who knew each other’s heart, so broken as they drifted apart” (Ana Claudia Antunes, Pierrot & Columbine). I think the realization here and a bit later for Lan Wangji that Wei Wuxian has become some other person is quite heartbreaking. He’s like a stranger to him, and that feeling of betrayal when you thought you knew a person inside and out—that hurts. It’s a deep-seated betrayal that Lan Wangji feels throughout this scene.

Oh, what I also like about this part is that when Wei Wuxian appears, neither one of them can look away. They are solely focused on him at this point.

He finally gets his revenge on Wen Zhuliu. And it’s great. They jump through the roof and he strings him up with Zidian. I can’t really say anything about it—Jiang Cheng needed to do this or he never would have been able to move on from Lotus Pier and his parents’ death.

WWX: Have I changed?

JC: No, not exactly.

I love that these lines are exchanged while the camera is on Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji already sees how Wei Wuxian has changed: the flute, the wicked energy, the almost senseless killing—none of these things are like the Wei Wuxian he’s come to love. And yes, I think love—and it hurts more because there is love. Lan Wangji wanted to walk the straight path with Wei Wuxian together, and he feels betrayed by what Wei Wuxian has done. Despite that, he still wants to help him. He implores Wei Wuxian to come back to Gusu with him so that they can help him and bring him back to the right path.

This whole scene feels like Lan Wangji isn’t even in the room, it’s like a private conversation between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji just happens to overhear. He says nothing. He lets Jiang Cheng ask a hundred questions while Wei Wuxian calmly answers them. Wei Wuxian smiles and laughs, he seems himself, and yet he isn’t. There’s something wrong and Lan Wangji grows more and more perturbed by it as the seconds pass by.

The tension in this scene is palpable. It’s painful, it’s sad, it’s really hard for me to watch. And yet, this is one of my favorite scenes. Lan Wangji is feeling a lot, and he’s held it all in until this moment here. He calls him Wei Ying, and then Wei Wuxian in turn addresses him first as Second Master Lan, and then as Hanguang-Jun, both very formal names. It’s not Lan Zhan anymore—there is no familiarity on Wei Wuxian’s part. I think part of that is his attempt to protect Lan Wangji from any association with him that might actually harm Lan Wangji and his reputation. He’s setting a boundary—a wall—between them. And then when Lan Wangji bites back, Wei Wuxian changes tack: he stars being informal with him again, he brings up how they were good friends, classmates, etc. But that’s not going to work because Lan Wangji is feeling pretty upset right now.

Lan Wangji is desperate, scared, and worried for Wei Wuxian. Sometimes when we’re feeling all that, it can come across as anger, and that becomes worse when someone is dismissive of those feelings. Wei Wuxian is definitely dismissive here. In their interactions, Lan Wangji rarely shows this much emotion, and instead of paying attention to that, Wei Wuxian brushes it off. Jiang Cheng shows that he cares by hugging Wei Wuxian, but Lan Wangji is different—he’s thinking ahead, he’s seeing what Wei Wuxian has started to mess with—demonic cultivation—which can destroy a person’s mind, and he’s terrified. His only thought is to take Wei Wuxian away and try to change him for the better. Of course, just like what his father did to his mother, this cannot work. Even if Lan Wangji manages to force Wei Wuxian to come with him, he won’t be able to control him. All Lan Wangji can really do is try to persuade him.

The intensity of Lan Wangji’s gaze here is something else. This is a man who is desperate to save the person he loves. He is really looking out for Wei Wuxian’s best interests here and is getting no support from Jiang Cheng. I don’t really know what’s going on in Jiang Cheng’s head right now, but he’s definitely finding Lan Wangji’s behavior offensive. He doesn’t understand that Wei Wuxian’s actions will lead to his ultimate destruction, while it is very clear to Lan Wangji. But all I can do here is bring up how they viewed the person who was killing all the Wens earlier, before they even knew who it was. Lan Wangji felt very unnerved by it: he was disturbed by the talismans and disturbed by the various manners of death, while Jiang Cheng’s stance always was that it didn’t matter because the person was clearly on the same side—a dead Wen is a dead Wen no matter who is behind it. And his opinion doesn’t change even after he finds out. It’s not important to him how Wei Wuxian was able to kill all those people. He asks the questions, but he isn’t interested in really hearing the answer. On the contrary, I think Lan Wangji is very interested in those answers, but he wants to hear about it in a controlled environment. He doesn’t want Wei Wuxian to go back to Yunmeng, where he will essentially live with free-rein without boundaries.

As for cinematography, I love how Wei Wuxian holds up his flute here, setting up a literal boundary between him and Lan Wangji. Not only do you have Jiang Cheng creating that wall with his sword, you also have Wei Wuxian. What I mean is, it’s not only Jiang Cheng who wants to keep Lan Wangji out. Wei Wuxian is drawing a line here too: he wants Lan Wangji to stay out of his business. And this morphs into, what happens at this place is not Gusu Lans’ business—it only concerns Yunmeng Jiang Sect.

We all know Wei Wuxian is an arrogant person, but his arrogance and ignorance here is truly stunning. Lan Wangji tells him point-blank that he won’t be able to control this energy if he uses demonic cultivation, and Wei Wuxian does everything but laugh at him. I enjoy this and I hate it at the same time, because Lan Wangji is just fucking worried, you know? And maybe he doesn’t express himself well, but he’s shocked to see Wei Wuxian here, shocked that he’s responsible for all this—he can’t stay calm and collected under these conditions.

In just a few minutes, Wei Wuxian says that he and Lan Wangji are good friends and that Lan Wangji should treat him better, as well as “Who do you think you are? What I do is none of your business.” I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist. This scene here, with their faces so close to each other, kills me. This is absolute betrayal for Lan Wangji. It’s as if everything they had built together—all the respect, the affection, the comradery—is gone. The Wei Wuxian that he knew is gone.

I love the way this shot is framed, with Wei Wuxian staring after Lan Wangji, and then Wen Chao pleading, “Forgive me, forgive me.” So apt, because I think Wei Wuxian does feel bad here, I think he feels guilty. I think part of him really missed Lan Wangji and wanted to see him. I think he even knows that what Lan Wangji is doing is out of concern for him over anything else. But I also think Wei Wuxian’s pride gets in the way of that, and his desire for revenge, and even his desire for things to go back to normal. More than anything, Wei Wuxian wants to return to Yunmeng, to his shijie, to be able to live normally again, whatever that really means, because of course everything has changed. Nothing will ever be as it was again. More importantly, he has changed, and can never go back to the person he was before, the person who played so hard, the person who shirked his responsibilities and fooled around in classes, the person who shamelessly teased and flirted with Lan Wangji. That Wei Wuxian is gone. I think Wei Wuxian knows he’s hurt Lan Wangji and does feel bad about it, but he knows he has to push him away to protect him. He doesn’t want to drag Lan Wangji down with him, he feels it’s better this way. And I think, even though CQL!Wei Wuxian does have feelings for Lan Wangji quite a bit earlier than in the book, you can see the one-sided love here, in Lan Wangji’s aggressive behavior as he attempts to save this person he loves. Lan Wangji isn’t willing to give up on him, whereas Wei Wuxian is more prepared to let him go—to push him away to protect him. That’s love too, I suppose, but it’s a love that is meant to be from afar—a sad love, not a passionate one, not a desperate one, not the one that Lan Wangji feels for him.

This is so heartbreaking for Lan Wangji, in part, because they had such a special relationship before. Prior to this, Wei Wuxian prided himself in that he and Lan Wangji went on night hunts together—the clan didn’t matter, whether that was unorthodox or not. And now to see him use his clan as a barrier between them…it’s quite a betrayal. Lan Wangji feels so hurt, so at a loss—he wonders what could he have done differently to prevent this, he blames himself.

This is one of my favorite episodes because of this reunion scene. What you expect is some great reunion, the hugging between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian, maybe a smile from Lan Wangji because he’s really happy to see him. But instead, you get pain. You get a Jiang Cheng hugging Wei Wuxian, but Wei Wuxian not even returning the hug (he only raises his arm to signal that he wants to break apart). You get a heated confrontation between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, one that is “fondly” thought of as their break-up scene. I love the drama, I love the pain, I love the angst, I love the dichotomy between Yunmeng Jiang and Gusu Lan, I love that this is the start of more tension between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, I love everything about it. The “us and them” dynamic that starts here is so great, and then to see it slowly unravel throughout the next ten episodes, to see Wei Wuxian’s and Jiang Cheng’s relationship fall apart, while Wei Wuxian’s and Lan Wangji’s relationship begins to strengthen again--I eat it up. It’s like my candy. Anyway, I’m excited for what’s to come, excited to talk more wangxian and how it compares to the book (from my dwindling knowledge, that is)! Happy that you all are coming along this ride with me!

Other episodes: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |

[chibimyumi]

🍵Japanese Reactions☕ Kuromyu 2021

Dear everyone, I received overwhelmingly many questions about Japanese audience reactions, so here you go!

Methodology:

For this post I logged out from Twitter to avoid any bias because of my own user algorithm, and just simply searched the term “kuromyu” (生執事) , and selected “latest tweets”. As you can see, all posts have the word 生執事 in bold, meaning that was my search term.  There are a LOT of reactions, I can’t possibly discuss them all. What I did was just search at any random point of time, and take every other comment. I censored the usernames of the commenter to protect some (ceremonial) level of privacy.

I watched the Kuromyu costume rehearsal and cried, this is not it，，I think it might be better to go to Osaka [performance] without expecting too much I shouldn’t expect the Kuromyu of until last time

Honestly no matter how often I watch [the musical] this time’s Kuromyu is fantastic... as someone who knows the energy of the original comics, I really enjoyed it...

In Kuromyu Violet and Chesslock were the real thing

Like Violet’s way of walking being so slothful it was like the real thing, and the rapping of Chesslock in the cricket scene was cool

The reception of this time’s Kuromyu is entirely polarised, and indeed [this production] has a very different taste than the ones until now so I also understand the people who criticise it, but I think that’s fine.

Click “keep reading” for (a LOT) more reactions. Don’t lie to yourself and not click it, I know you all want the tea. Here’s the tea (ÒvÓ)ノ☕

There’s so much thought going on now I have seen the PV of Kuromyu. Eh? Because he [probably Konishi (Ciel)] has roots in Tennis [Probably prince of Tennis] once he holds the cricket it just looks like he’s swinging a tennis racket.

Bocchan is just too big, I’m not sure about that.

I only watched until half way ー

Calling it the Prince of Cricket is too befitting😂 Such singing and dancing, the youthfulness is exploding. They sure have stamina. #Kuromyu

Ah ーSomehow a lot of memories just popped up tears really are welling up... even though my deep-seated grudge has now passed, my obsession for Kuromyu surfaced, and it felt like it got beaten to a pulp by its big brother...

My heart is recovering through the Kuromyu DVD but the big brother is still the big brother... sob...sob (the dirty wailing of an otaku)

TLN: Big brother here means something’s superiour or better.

It became this production that made me think: Never mind the actors but is it the problem of the makers? Erm. I think it’s a waste. Is it because it’s the footage of the first day performance?

I don’t have the feeling that it’s not that, but that it somehow became cheaper? Is a really strong thought I got from this performance. With this line-up [of cast/staff] it should have been able to create the high quality of Kuromyu, but the impression is that it was a mess.

I finished watching kuromyu. Erm... somehow... it was a theatre production that strongly reminded me of the first Lycoris (the cheapness of the set), felt like they tried to create the feeling of🎾but failed, and tried to do something trendy (🎤) but then the production lost the sense of unity.

Well Mr. Tate’s [Tateishi] Sebas was good, and Undertaker’s acting was good (make up...)

I’ve watched the stream of Kuromyu countless times and gotten used to the songs, and even though I miss the old Kuromyu, maybe it’s not so bad that somebody who can’t let go is rewatching something countless times. If next time they will do the Cult Arc or the Witch Arc I’d be pursuing it. Honestly I want them to stage Lycoris again ←

Kuromyu was this place where I got stimulated by Yuta’s TOHO quality, Ms. AKANE [Madam Red] and Ms. Son [Akisono, Frances]’s Takarazuka quality. The synergy of everything, the original manga’s story, actors, music, directing all were so perfectly done in the past three productions they sure have become a tremendous bar. Once again Yuta, thank you for playing Sebas for us for three times 🥺✨

Kuromyu really was too fun, I’m in trouble

Honestly ------------- Kuromyu was so fun !!!!!!!!! Yasue-kun, you also go watch soon!! Ah, you going tomorrow???

It might be quite unsatisfying for people who only watch Kuromyus that are like Imperial Theatre grand musicals, but I think it’s good that it’s a bit like the Kuromyus of the beginning of before when they adapted the manga arcs

I watched Kuromyu and had fun 😊

I cried, I laughed, it was amazing anyway!

It was the first time watching a musical for me but I think I’ve been sucked into it...

Shall I buy the DVD, I’m indecisive 🌀🤔💭

Now I’ve seen the PV of Kuromyu I don’t think it’s worth going at all... Even in the PV the vibe of 2.5D was ridiculously strong...

My friend went to watch Kuromyu and gave me the review: “I’ve seen all sorts of 2.5, why did they do this for Black Butler. It’s trivial.” I’ve only seen the PV so I won’t say anything, and I really get what I’m refraining from saying. But Mr. Kuma once tweeted the descriptions of Black Butler, I guess it’s fine that the Boarding School Arc feels like this 🤔

Click here for the translation of this tweet. The description of the Weston Arc is as such:

(To the people who will be going to see it I’m sorry)

They did say that the staff along [with the cast] would entirely be renewed, but I feel like they’re actively trying to shake off the fans of Kuromyu until now   I’m a bit sad but I guess I won’t be watching [Kuromyus] anymore... I feel like      But I am buying the stream    I’ll think about it after I’ve bought it...

Anyway about Kuromyu, my mom said she wanted to watch it too so I watched it again with her yesterday, and she sure had a lot to say 😶 My father pulled this weird face of “what is this even” and I had to see him off halfway 😑 I thought about buying the stream of the final performance, but I guess I don’t need a second viewing. I don’t feel like watching the archive either. I really liked the Kuromyu of until now, my shock is too big.

At the beginning [of the musical] we looked back on Lycoris, Circus and Luxury Liner... kinda like some sort of recap, but I thought “huh?”... now I just want to watch that. I used to like Kuromyu, I really have trouble accepting it this time it’s painful.

But honestly when talking about Kuromyu it’s the Sebas with the superb voice who sung about the dynamic with the little lord full of emotion and built the world view, and for better or for worse the world view of Kuroshitsuji is maintained through Sebaciel, the songs, the directing of Sebaciel, but what happened there. Whether you should watch it or not. The past 3 productions were masterpieces、、、

But Sebas is not Mr. Furukawa, Ciel is not Reo-kun and even Mr. Izumi’s [role] of Undertaker was unfortunately changed, this is the new Kuromyu huh...

I watched the stream of the first performance.

I liked the songs so I checked, and I knew it.

This time has a lot of laughing factors, and I thought it was good it had a fresh cast.

I didn’t expect the cricket scene to be taken that far. I thought it was Tenimyu.

Kuromyu, this time be it the story, script, directing or casting, I thought: “it’s more enjoyable to take up this [musical] while temporarily erasing the memories of until now ～🎶”, and I watched the theatre piece without looking back to the past productions, and that was the right decision   To the people who came to love Kuromyu of until now, it’s safer to watch it while temporarily erasing the memories.

Did Kuromyu turn into Tenimyu half way?! I thought,

and the Elite Musical → 2.5D Musical transformation I also felt

Konishibocchan being cutesy was cute, and the P4′s desperate faces resonated all went by in a flash

Above was the report from the theatre ☺️

I went to Kuromyu

I went into it knowing it’d surely be something different from the past productions so it indeed turned out to be so

There were parts that made me go “erm the script....” and also this part that made me go “was it really necessary to make Undertaker descend into that dream in Act 1 just because you wanted to give him stage time??”

I went into 2 shocks gradually

Sebas doesn’t sing He only sings properly at the very beginning of the beginning Even though he’s Sebas There’s no ending solo Even though he’s Sebas

You’re the ♪ah~a~a~ number-one main character though!! That’s why this one!!! Is the N・E・W production--!!!!

I am in shock

I   A M  I  N   S  H  O  C  K  ANGER!!!

I watched the Kuromyu stream!

It was TOTALLY 2.5D~❕❕😁It was also a school setting and the Tenimyu vibes were strong (laughs)

It’s a bit of a shame that Ciel isn’t played by a child actor anymore, but because he has more stage time than Sebas has this time I caccept it.

Sebas and Ciel’s visuals are also good ~ ☺️ 

It’d be even cooler if they increased the fight scenes with Sebas though.

@ivvy_toshiki [Tateishi Toshiki (Sebastian)’s Twitter account]

Thanks for the hard work in the performance.

Today I saw the “first viewing of Kuromyu” of my dreams 🥀😆 Regardless of what I could say Sebastian’s beauty is from beginning to end spellbinding ☺️  My eyes were very happy. moreover, the songs and the killing were also AMAZING 😍 my eyes were nailed to Sebastian. I want to watch it again 💕☺️  I wish that the performances will go without a hitch until the final performance ❕

I was so happy to see the recap of the past productions

I really liked the Circus Arc (original comics), and even though it was comedy it really dived into the darkness! That was the story I also didn’t expect to see the Luxury Liner Arc So Undertaker, for real... for

Up to the last time there weren’t that many songs in total, but there were songs like I shall become your pawn and sword and the contract that made me go BATHUMP--- I have to rewatch this number!!! It’s a shame that this time there were no songs like that.

#Kuromyu

Calling it the Prince of Cricket is too accurate 😂 They sang and danced so much, the youthfulness was bouncing off it. What stamina they have. #Kuromyu

What’s different from the last time is the strong 2.5D vibe...... Until now the ages [of the characters] were fairly faithful [to canon] and in a good way there was no 2.5D-ness and I could just enjoy it as a proper theatre piece This time both the casting including the music had a strong 2.5D vibe for better or for worse #Kuromyu

Very personally! Matsushita’s Sebas was “heavy as the evil of evil and beautiful”, and Furukawa’s Sebas was  “evil, strong and unapproachable and beautiful and gorgeous”, and Tateishi’s was “light hearted and beautiful and a florid kind of evil”!! (My vocabulary is failing me) All Sebastians have a different aura about them it’s fantastic!!! #Kuromyu

The new Sebas is good

Overall

It’s this arc so that it’d get a chit-chat idol? vibe was within the expectation The cricket of the second half had a bad vibe and I was sick of it It might have been different had I watched it live I don’t like the Boarding School and Green Witch arc that much to begin with I am looking forward to the appearance of the real Ciel That's it for now

I don’t know why I’m mentally dead but it must be that, I watched the Kuromyu stream and I am thoroughly dead, mentally dead, but as I managed to say this I’ve reached a level that I recovered a bit??? I am too tired but I don’t feel like sleeping, but if I doze a bit then I realise my fatigue and feel like sleeping unnecessarily

This time’s kuromyu... erm I guess I’ll quit 🤔

I’ll be rant-puking for a bit

I’ve seen a lot of Tenimyu and A-stage [Mankai A3] but it’s not like I wanted to see that in Kuromyu... What I wanted to see was Kuromyu...

I watched the video of the Kuromyu PV? but it’s impossible. Watching the PV [I thought] children should be played by children... and as I watched their interaction it’s not the character building I had in mind... and there’s no wound on the vice principal’s forehead. I planned to watch the stream of the final performance, but I’m hesitant about spending more money to watch that... If I can’t accept Ciel and Sebastian I can’t watch this, that’s just me...

Now I’ve read the reviews of Kuromyu all are saying it went back to 2.5D, and I think that it’s not worth going after all. It’s probably because the Kuromyus until now far surpassed the quality of 2.5D... I guess it’s fine if one were to go for the cast, but I really loved the Kuromyu of until now.

[misslilli]

Felix Felicis

MSR. AU. PG-13. | tagging @today-in-fic | AO3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10

Chapter 11 - Friday Night's Alright For Fighting

[ FM ]

On Friday, it’s Felix’s mother’s turn to pick him up from school since he’ll be spending the weekend at her place. I briefly wonder if he’ll tell her about his new-found admiration for the enigmatic Miss Scully and for just a little bit, the petty side of me wishes he would. It’s not that she’s a bad mother per se, but she never shared a strong connection with our son and ever since the divorce, it somehow got worse instead of better.

Felix took the divorce pretty hard, lashing out at me and the teacher and kids at kindergarten. There were times when I couldn’t even recognize my own kid. Because of my background in psychology, I tried to talk to him countless times but I finally had to admit that I was too emotionally involved to really help him. So we began to see a therapist back in Washington, D.C, him and I. His mother refused to participate because “He never acts out when he’s at my place, Fox, seems to me like that’s a you-problem.” That day, only the thought of what would become of my son if I went to jail had kept me from murdering her on the spot.

We don’t stay in contact much, except for negotiating pick-up and drop-off times for Felix, and that’s about all I can handle from her. The custody battle was a hot mess, not because she particularly wanted to keep Felix, but she used it to humiliate me, dragging my abilities as a father and caretaker through the mud in front of a judge and our lawyers. I tried to keep Felix out of the court hearings, putting my foot firmly down when her lawyer suggested that we could just ask the child where he wanted to live. He was three years old at the time, fat chance I was going to let that happen.

Thankfully, we were able to convince the judge that I was willing and more than capable of caring for our son and that me working from home was a more child-friendly environment than his mother’s job, which takes her out of the country several times a month.

I take off my reading glasses and close my laptop, this trip down memory lane has put me in a sour mood. After putting away everything work-related for the weekend, I stretch my arms over my head, contemplating what to do with my free time. I don’t have any friends here yet and since I can’t meet anyone at work, I decide to walk down the street to the harbor.

The streets are pretty busy with locals and tourists alike and as I walk past the crowd that stand around the rock that marks the place where the pilgrims debarked the Mayflower back in 1620, I think to myself ‘Guys it’s just a rock. In the ground. Walled in on all four sides.’ I was pretty disappointed, if you couldn’t already guess that.

I continue my walk and pass the dock where you can usually see the Mayflower II anchored, swaying with the waves of the Atlantic. She’s an accurate and beautiful reproduction of the original ship with which the pilgrims had sailed to America, founding Plymouth Colony after 10 gruesome weeks at sea.

Currently though, the dock is empty safe for a few seagulls harassing the tourists – they have taken the ship to a shipyard in Connecticut for restoration, much to Felix’s chagrin. When he heard that we were going to move here, he spent countless hours reading up on the history of Plymouth, the Pilgrims and everything that happened afterwards. He got a real kick out of imagining the American Protestors and the British Government officials dressed up in frilly dresses and huge feathered hats, actually having a fancy tea party instead of the Boston Tea Party, which escalated the American Revolution in 1773.

His special interest, though, had been captured by the Mayflower, which is not surprising because he loves anything that’s big and can transport people or cargo. Planes, helicopters, trains, you name it, but especially ships. On the first night in our new house, he insisted that we leave the boxes packed for now and head down to the harbor, right now.

At first, always the responsible adult, I refused, but he didn’t let up, resorting to pleading with me, then he practically begged me and when I still wouldn’t budge he went in for the kill with his puppy-dog look and a pronounced pout. I could see the tears welling up in his eyes. Damn, he was using my very own look against me!

The tears still came a little while after, when we reached the harbor and found the dock deserted. I wanted to kick myself for not checking if the ship was actually there or not and I had to carry a bawling, devastated Felix back to our house. He only stopped crying when I promised him that we’d go see the Mayflower II the very second she sailed back into the harbor.

After another, more pleasant, trip down memory lane, I had reached my destination: The Cabby Shack, a local bar and restaurant that is made up of an inside bar downstairs and two large decks, the lower one housing the outside bar, the upper one the restaurant.

Making my way through the crowded room, I spotted an empty seat at the bar and ordered a drink aptly named Islands of Misfits. I snorted out a laugh at how accurately it described my situation right now. Island of Misfits alright, inhabitant: 1.

I took a sip of my drink and twirled the tiny umbrella between my fingers when out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone take the seat next to me at the bar.

“Islands of Misfits, huh? Must be bad!” Looking up, I’m surprised to see that it’s Walter Skinner, my son’s principal.

“Yeah, sort of. Sorry, hello sir, it’s nice to see you!” He shakes my hand briefly and orders himself a whiskey on the rocks. Had I been a more insecure man I would’ve felt stupid for my drink choice, but as it was, if I like my drinks sweet and with a cutesy umbrella in it, then that’s what I’ll have. And don’t you dare forget the fucking umbrella!

“So Mr. Mulder, what is it, love troubles?” As a born and raised city boy I have yet to come to terms with small town frankness but I like Principal Skinner and his lack of beating around the bush.

But still, I couldn’t exactly tell him the whole truth, I don’t think he’d appreciate a Actually yes, sir, I’ve been staring at one of your teachers for every damn day of the week and when I’m not busy staring at her, I think about her all the time. I wonder if her kisses taste like strawberries and what her hair smells like. I’m driving myself slowly insane by imagining running my tongue over the spot where her neck meets her shoulder and let me tell you about the dreams I’ve been having real quick. Yeah that won’t fly.

First, he’d kick my ass into the sixth dimension and then he’d have me arrested for gross misconduct or worse, sexual harassment. Even though I’m not sure if that’s really applicable when it only takes place in your mind, it’s still inappropriate as all hell and I’m not going to test out my little theory. I don’t think I’d fare well in jail, to be honest.

So instead, I opt for a more appropriate half-version of the truth. “Yeah, sort of. I had a huge argument with my ex-wife over the phone when she was late picking our son up from school. If I had one, I think my swear jar would be able to buy me my own Island of Misfits. And what’s even worse is that I think my – our son was there to hear at least her end of the fight.” I take a miserable sip from my drink.

“I’m really sorry to hear that, Mr. Mulder. Your son’s name is Felix, right? He’s in Miss Anderson’s first grade?” Thankful for the slight change of topic, I nod.

“Yes, sir, that’s him. We got off to a rocky start but after the first week, he really loves going to school, Mr. Skinner.” The other man shakes his head and offers me his hand once again.

“Please, call me Walter. Outside of school only, of course, you understand.”

I grab his hand and give it a brief shake, smiling wryly. “Of course. I’m Fox but I make everyone call me Mulder. Even my parents. I hate my name.” He huffs out a laugh at that and I can tell that it’s a rare occasion.

“I get the feeling you’re in need of a friend on your island, Mulder not Fox.”

That I do, indeed.

Island of Maybe not such Misfits, inhabitants: 2.

Chapter 12 - A Rainbow In Its Natural Habitat

[itachi-uchiha-deserved-better]

There were seven of them gathered in the tent that was serving as the temporary council chamber while the leaf village was being rebuilt. Kakashi sat at the head of the circular table, looking uncomfortable in the position of authority that had been thrust upon him in Tsunade’s absence. Next to Kakashi on his left was Shikaku Nara, with Shikamaru seated next to his father. On Kakashi’s right side sat Gai, Yamato, Naruto and then finally there was Sakura, sitting opposite Kakashi, wondering when in the hell she had become important enough to warrant an explicit invitation to a council meeting.

The elders, Sakura noted, were not in attendance. Kakashi had placed both of them under guard since Danzo’s treachery at the five Kage summit came to light. It didn’t really come as much of a surprise to Sakura that the Jonin of the village were hesitant to trust them with matters of importance.

Kakashi fiddled with his pen, as he seemed to search for the best way to approach whatever it was that was important enough for him to call a council meeting in the first place. He kept shooting Yamato glances, which Yamato always answered with a quirked eyebrow or a shake of the head, like there was a silent discussion going on between them. Sakura watched the exchange with fascination as she doodled on the note pad in front of her.

“Fine.” Kakashi growled, ending whatever argument he and Yamato were apparently having, “I guess we ought to just get on with it.” He took a breath, put the pen down very carefully, so that it was sitting perfectly straight in front of him. He swept his gaze around the room, locking eyes with each person who sat at the table in turn.

“You know I’m not the type to do things as officially as they should be done. Were it not for the delicate nature of this matter, I’d have left it for Tsunade to deal with when she recovers. Unfortunately, this is a matter that won’t wait until our Hokage is back on her feet.”

The air in the room seemed to grow still and heavy with tension. Everyone seemed to pick up on the carefully chosen words Kakashi used. Our Hokage. Not him. He had no desire to lead them. When Tsunade wakes up. Because none of them wanted to consider the other outcome.

“As you know, Yamato and I were present for the majority of the 5 Kage summit. I believe everyone here has read our reports regarding the proceedings of the summit and Danzo’s attempt at treason. That is not what we are here to discuss. This meeting is in regards to what happened before our arrival at the summit location. About information intentionally withheld from the official reports.”

Sakura observed the room. A large part of her medical training had focused on sharpening her observational skills. Teaching her to pick up on subtle changes around her, so that she can make decisions with the most information possible. So her keen gaze immediately picks up on the way that Shikaku straightened up in his chair as Kakashi admits to withholding information from the official documentation of their mission. She notes how Shikamaru’s gaze snaps to Naruto’s face, then to hers, trying to read the situation the same way that she was. She can almost visualize tangible waves of tension rolling off of Yamato and the worried look that Gai is giving her Sensei. It seemed that he had at least some inkling of what was going on.

“Honestly, I wasn’t sure that this information should be shared with anyone. The source is questionable, but Yamato and I agree that given the potential ramifications for the village if the information we’ve been given is accurate, that at least the people in this room need to be aware of it.”

More glances shot around the table. Naruto at Sakura. Sakura at Yamato. Yamato and Gai at Kakashi. Shikaku and Shikamaru at all of them. The silence in the room swelled until Shikaku quietly prompted Kakashi, “please continue.”

“Itachi Uchiha.”

The name sent a shockwave through the room. White hot anger flared in Sakura. Itachi. Sasuke’s older brother. The shinobi who had murdered his entire clan in cold blood, who had tried to kidnap Naruto, who was directly involved with the organization that had killed Gaara, that had destroyed Konoha and caused so much pain to the person that she loved. Even if he didn’t love her back, Sakura could never forgive Itachi for the pain he inflicted on Sasuke.

Naruto was shrinking in his seat, like the name was a heavy weight descending on his shoulders. Shikaku and Shikamaru were both now sitting straight backed in their seats, giving Kakashi their undivided attention. Only Yamato and Gai remained impassive.

“What about the Uchiha?” Shikaku asked as the impact of the name started to settle.

“It seems that there is much more to Itachi’s actions than the village was initially lead to believe. Our information indicates that Itachi held no grudge against his clan. That his crimes, while heinous, were carried out under direct order from village leaders.”

Shikamaru laughed, the sound breaking through the tension like a paper bomb exploding in Sakura’s ears, “You must be joking. You can’t honestly believe that Lord Third would have allowed-“

Shikaku grabbed Shikamaru’s arm, and shooting him a sharp look to silence him.

Kakashi sighed, “I understand your skepticism. Like I said, Yamato and I don’t trust the source of our information, but given Danzo’s treachery and how long that was allowed to go on unnoticed, I don’t think we can dismiss anything outright. By the same token, none of this is to leave this tent. Until we are able to verify or disprove the claim, I want to keep this thing quiet.”

Shikamaru huffed, but Shikaku nodded thoughtfully, “Kakashi, you were his Anbu captain at one point. You probably know the most about Itachi of anyone present. Do you believe it’s possible that he was manipulated into massacring his clansmen?”

Sakura expected Kakashi to answer immediately. The entire thought of the village ordering a man to kill his entire clan was ludicrous.

Wasn’t it?

But Kakashi didn’t answer. One minute passed in silence and still Kakashi was sitting there, glaring down at his pen, unable to answer Shikaku’s question. It was Yamato who eventually spoke up.

“I served alongside Itachi on team Ro. Speaking frankly, I could never wrap my head around it. The Itachi I knew wasn’t capable of harboring that much hatred. Even with the proof right in front of our eyes, I couldn’t make sense of it.”

Sakura breathed in a sharp breath of surprise. Neither Kakashi or Yamato ever really spoke about their Anbu days, so she had been completely ignorant of the fact that they’d both been on a team with Itachi, much less been friends with him.

Did Sasuke know?

Kakashi nodded his head, “I agree with Yamato, Itachi Uchiha’s actions never made sense to me. I accepted that I must have missed the signs back then and once everything was said and done, I tried my best not to think about it. About him. He was my teammate, and I had failed him. But if this is true, then I failed him even worse than I ever could have believed.” Kakashi hung his head and Sakura could see how much this pained him. She could only imagine what he felt, having this ghost of his past being dragged back up to the surface, especially after so much recent pain and loss.

“Regardless of my and Yamato’s personal feelings about the man, there are other factors which lead us to believe that at least parts of the information we were given are true. Danzo did possess a number of Sharingan, including an eye that we can confirm belonged to Shisui Uchiha, who supposedly committed suicide by the Naka. Itachi was, at the time, suspected of murdering his cousin.”

Another pause, as Kakashi allowed the information to sink in. Shikaku was nodding his head in recognition of the name. Shikamaru was studying his father closely. Sakura could hear Naruto grinding his teeth in frustration.

“Alright,” Shikaku tapped his finger on the table, “Lets have it then. The whole story.”

Kakashi obliged, and slowly the story came out, with Yamato jumping in when it seemed that Kakashi was struggling to find the right words. About the plan for a coup d'etat that had been brewing within the Uchiha clan. The orders to spy on the Uchiha, to monitor them for signs of rebellion. Itachi’s assignment to team Ro, and his early promotion to captain under Danzo. About the death of a man named Shisui, who according to this had thrown himself off a cliff only after Danzo had stolen one of his eyes. The coup coming to a head, and Hiruzen asking Itachi to buy time to find a better solution than annihilation, and Itachi being approached later by Danzo, with a promise- that Itachi could ensure his little brother’s survival if he singlehandedly stopped the coup. The implication that if Itachi refused, Danzo would ensure the clan’s destruction, Sasuke and Itachi included.

The clan’s lives for Sasuke’s life. That was the deal that was put forth. And Itachi had accepted.

But it was the final bit of the story that chilled Sakura to her core.

“Hiruzen was aware of Itachi’s orders. While he may not have issued them himself, if our source is to be believed, he also made no effort to intervene. Its true that the Uchiha massacre solved the problem of the coup d'etat once and for all. But the only way it ended without anyone losing faith in Hiruzen was for Itachi to shoulder the blame. If he’d remained in the leaf village, Hiruzen would have been forced to punish him for the massacre. So instead, Hiruzen let Itachi leave the village, left the barrier jutsu formula intact so that Itachi could come and go as long as he remained hidden, and Itachi decided to join the Akatsuki. Not as a missing-nin, but as Konoha’s spy.”

Shikaku hummed, nodding his head, “I never was able to come up with a good reason why Hiruzen left the barrier jutsu formula alone. I assumed he believed that Itachi must not have any more reason to target the leaf, but even then when word came that Itachi had joined the Akatsuki, he ought to have changed it.”

“Right,” Kakashi was rubbing at his temple, probably fighting off a headache. He’d had a number of those since his brush with death at the hands of Pein.

“There are piece that add up. The barrier formula. The fact that the leaf village always had more intelligence on the Akatsuki and their movements than the other villages did. Danzo’s possession of the Uchiha eyes, Shisui’s eye especially. But there are also pieces I cant explain. Like why that bastard locked me in a seventy two hour genjutsu that almost killed me. And the only person who could confirm any of this, as far as I know, has been dead for three years.”

Gai said something in response to that, but Sakura had stopped listening, their voices fading to the background as something started to click in her head.

Konoha’s spy.

Had to stay hidden.

Could come and go as he pleased.

Her mind was spinning. Recalling strange orders issued by Tsunade. Treating a shinobi outside the hospital. Not allowed to use her healing chakra at all, only basic medical skills. The threat of being stripped of her rank as a shinobi if she disobeyed. A strange Anbu who never spoke. Who suppressed his chakra at all times. Who had eerily familiar eyes that always seemed to be filled with something she could never hope to understand.

“Sakura? Sakura are you alright?” Naruto’s hand was on her shoulder, shaking her gently. Tenzo and Kakashi were both watching her with concern, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

The name. Recognition like a bolt of lightning struck her and Sakura stood up so quickly that she sent her chair flying back with a crash.

She felt like she was going to explode. Every eye in the tent was on her, waiting for some kind of explanation for her sudden reaction. How on earth could she not have put it together earlier? Then again, she’d never been given any reason to suspect that Ghost, the strange anbu operative in the blank mask was Sasuke’s older brother.

Tsunade. Tsunade must have known. Her orders were to protect Ghost’s identity, because if Sakura had felt his chakra, even for an instant, she would have recognized the similarities to Sasuke’s, and there was only one other Uchiha left in the world. So many thoughts were crashing around inside Sakura’s mind. Anger. Anger at Ghost…Itachi…for lying to her, even if he had no other choice. It wasn’t like she would have ever helped him before if she knew who he was. She’d have been the first person to turn him in, no matter how much kindness he’d shown her. Anger at Tsunade, for allowing the farce to continue, despite knowing that Itachi had made the only choice he could have. Anger that Hiruzen, for failing to intervene and stop all the pain that the massacre caused. For Sasuke, and for Itachi.

Her eyes met Kakashi’s steady gaze. Her sensei, always so adept at reading what troubled her, waited patiently for her mouth to catch up to her mind.

“You knew?”

“No.” Not a lie. She hadn’t known, “But I’m pretty sure this is the truth. I…” gods above how did she even begin to explain it all? To explain about Ghost, his strange behavior, the bizarre connection they shared.

Tenzo was her saving grace. He seemed to have put some of the pieces together himself.

“The Anbu? The one you told me about?”

Sakura nodded and sank back down into her chair, hugging her arms into herself. The eyes of the group moved off of Sakura, looking to Tenzo for more information.

“Earlier this year, Sakura confided in me about a patient of hers. She wanted to know if I was aware of an Anbu agent whose mask was blank, no markings at all. She told me that Tsunade had asked her to treat him and that the arrangement came with some unusual orders which had her uncomfortable.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, “Are you referring to-“ Kakashi cut off, but Tenzo nodded, clearly understanding the question. Shikamaru grumbled.

“Care to explain for those of us who can’t read your mind?”

“Ghost,” Tenzo shot back, “It’s a…well for lack of better terms, it’s a ghost story that exists among the Anbu. A few years back a few genin claimed they were saved by an Anbu agent in a blank white mask, who slaughtered the enemy shinobi who were attacking them and then disappeared without a trace. No one believed them, but since then all kinds of stories about the faceless mask have popped up. Most of them are incredibly far fetched, but there are elements that remain consistent throughout. Black hair. Always alone. Never leaves any survivors except for leaf shinobi. Only fights with Kunai and a tanto, never jutsu. At least, none that anyone ever sees. I didn’t think anything of it, but when Sakura mentioned her patient to me, I did some digging. There is a file for an Anbu agent, codename Ghost, but there’s no serial number on the file, and everything in it was encoded.”

Kakashi sighed, “It’s not proof, but that seems pretty damning.” Apparently Kakashi didn’t have any better explanation that Sakura did.

“In that case, there are a few things to address. First and foremost, it is very likely that Sasuke has also been made aware of the fact that his brother acted under orders. I don’t think he knows about Itachi’s identity as an Anbu operative, but we need to be prepared because I’m not sure what kind of effect this information will have on him. The last I knew, Sasuke’s sole focus was on killing his brother for revenge. It’s quite possible that his desire for revenge will shift to target the village, or at least those he feels most responsible for Itachi’s actions.”

Everyone in the tent nodded their agreement.

“The second question is one of what to do about Itachi himself.”

This time no one nodded. It was a momentous question.

“Are you sure we need to do anything at all?” Shikaku asked, trying to be as gentle with the question as possible. Tenzo slammed his hand down on the table and looked like he wanted to throw himself at Shikaku.

“Of course we have to do something! He’s a leaf shinobi! He’s put his life in danger for the past nine years, alone, hated by everyone in order to protect the village. He deserves to know that he isn’t being held responsible for being forced to make an impossible choice when he was thirteen fucking years old!”

“Easy, Tenzo,” Kakashi seemed to be doing his best to keep his tone level, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him while they sorted things out, “You know that I want to see him again as much as you do, as a friend. But we need to consider what’s best for the village. At the least, I don’t think we need to come to a decision right now. Our first priority is to rebuild the village itself. When Tsunade wakes up, I’m sure she’ll have something to say on the matter.”

Sakura clenched her fist and felt her chakra start flowing into them out of instinct. You better believe that she’ll have something to say. I’ll make sure of it.

She pushed herself up from the table. She needed to hit something. Needed to break something. And if she didn’t leave now, she couldn’t be sure what exactly it was she was going to break. Better safe than sorry.

“Sakura? Going somewhere?”

“For a walk,” She hissed, daring anyone to try and stop her as she stormed out of the tent.

[leahseclipse]

May the show begin (Part 2)

May the show begin masterlist | Masterlist

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Angst

Warnings: Kidnapping, general criminal minds stuff, angst, cursing, blood, mentions of death.

Summary: While working on a case, y/n gets targeted by the unsub that kidnaps her.

A/N: Hello! Here's the 2nd part! Thank you to everyone who liked the first part, it means a lot to me!! I hope you'll like this one- I really do my best at every fic, I hope it's not too bad- lmk if you liked it- have a good time reading. - Lex

Don't hesitate to send requests, I'll be more than happy to write them!

Word count: 5.5 k

_______

"Y/N."

I woke up with a start after hearing a voice calling my name.

I looked around, but no one was there. I almost thought it was Spencer calling me for a second.

I immediately felt panic invade my whole mind as I realized the situation I was in.

The room was dark, which didn't reassure me at all, because I hated being in the dark, and in this situation, I wasn't even somewhere safe.

I'm scared.

I want to get out of here.

What is going to happen ?

I knew that the following hours, or even days would be the worst days I'd ever have, and I didn't even know if I would get out of here alive.

I couldn't be sure of that.

It didn't really take long until I realised that I've also been drugged. I was struggling to stay awake, and my sight was blurry for a while.

I even tried to move for a bit, but quickly noticed the ropes restraining me.

As I tried to dig into my memories, trying to even remember anything from yesterday, the only thoughts that came were the faint sounds of a car, and then...screams.

My screams.

The next thing I did after almost regaining full consciousness was to look at my own body; I had felt a soft fabric against my skin, but still couldn't guess whether it was my clothes or not.

Then, as I lowered my head,

I realized.

Someone had put a dress on me.

I knew that I had this on for a specific reason, but I still couldn't remember why.

I did my best not to crack under the pressure, because the more I'd look around, the more I'd feel like crying out of panic. My head was full of panicked thoughts, I prayed for it to stop, but I knew well that I couldn't. Not until I'd get out of here.

If...hold on.

I remembered something.

The dress.

It's what was on the women that are now...dead.

Right now, what I only wished for was for someone to find me as quickly as possible. I couldn't remain calm, knowing that I could eventually die here.

This wasn't planned at all, I never thought this would happen one day, I did everything to protect myself, be careful outside, and some guy, or girl, managed to get into my apartment to kidnap me.

And right now, being the nervous and dramatic wreck I am, I could only think of the worst things that could happen. And...that are about eighty percent accurate to happen, I'd say.

This really can't...I'm not done saying all of the words I need to say to Spencer, I need more time with him, my life can't end now, it can't end here.

We're even supposed to get married. We're too busy with work that we haven't planned anything yet.

I can't leave him behind like that.

I can't.

My thoughts were interrupted by a sound, causing me to come back to reality.

I suddenly heard the door opening, followed by footsteps; these becoming louder as the person approached.

"Hello there." He said, as I froze out of fear, his voice sending chills down my spine.

"I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. I wished I could have processed this meeting in another way. But apparently, you were quite busy with your job. It was quite difficult to catch up with your schedule. So, I had to pay you an unexpected visit. It's nice to see you again y/n." He added, as he walked in front of me. I looked at him while he talked, but his face was masked, I couldn't see anything.

It's nice to see you again'? Do I...know him?

I still couldn't put a name on the voice, but I knew I did hear it somewhere. But the problem is that I didn't know. It could be an old friend, a colleague, a neighbor, but unless he'd say his name, I wouldn't know.

"You can talk, you know, I didn't say you weren't allowed." He let out a laugh, his hand touching my face, while he traced my jawline with the tip of his fingers.

"I...why am I wearing a dress," I finally let out, with a shaky voice. "And how do you know me…?" What I just asked was probably stupid when I thought about it after, but I was too terrified to think of anything else. These were the only words I managed to let out. I guess it's better than the curses. Maybe.

"Oh, the dress. I made it just for you. It's just a bit loose, sorry. I couldn't get your measurements from far, when I was watching, so...I did my best. I hope that you like it. I didn't want you to keep what you were wearing, it wasn't very pretty." He paused, probably thinking about the other question. 

"And, how do I know you…? Well, it's not my job to tell you, you're a big girl, so I think you can remember it by yourself. It'll come, soon enough. It's not difficult, you used to see it all the time, a long time ago, and kinda...recently." He said, as he put his hand on my hair, taking a strand between his fingers. 

This really has to be a joke. What am I supposed to do, guess your name until I get the right one?

"You really are...amazingly pretty. If I kill you, I can't keep you forever. That'd be a shame, really. I can keep you for a while, if you behave nicely. So, be an angel and don't make me angry, okay?" 

"Be a angel"...how am I even supposed to react to that?

"...keep me forever, why?"

"You see," He said, as he kneeled in front of me. "I couldn't keep watching you, you exactly look like my daughter would have looked like if she lived another ten years. But, some bastard killed her, and now, all I have left...is you. I can feel her presence through you, I know she's here. That's why I want to keep you for a while. You'll love me, soon enough. It'll be like the old days. I just, really am obsessed with you. It'll probably hurt your poor boyfriend, but I'm sure he won't mind if I take you from him. He won't."

He totally lost his mind. I don't think he's thinking sanely right now. If I take his words, his mind totally blew up when he saw me…like to the point he'd do things, without getting scared of consequences, he hadn't realised at all the risks he took, and I don't think he does right now.

I could feel the rage burning sensation in my body growing larger every second I'd look at him. He should consider himself lucky that the rope is too tight for me to move. Otherwise, he'd have no face anymore. 

I couldn't help but wonder why he would do that. Both my father and sister died when I was only 10, but I didn't go and stole someone else's father and daughter to replace mine. It took a long time, because I had to accept the death of someone twice, suffer even more, alone, in my room for months, but I coped with it and moved on a few months after, taking control over my life once again after the event I've been through. 

I know they would have wanted me to do that. They both hated it whenever I was sad.

"Why do...you just take girls from their families, to just end up killing them a few days after? Is making people suffer okay?"

"Look, if I do that, this way sweetie...the police will finally understand my anger. It's been two years, and they still haven't found the guy who killed her. I even wonder if they haven't forgotten about it, or given up. And after, they proudly appear in newspapers while a killer is still on the loose. Wow, look how great police is."

Is this how people are supposed to cope with the death of someone? Making other people suffer isn't the right way when you have to deal with a loss.

"Killing people won't resolve things, it's sad for you, but sadly, it won't bring her back. I won't." 

"We'll see that; if your smart-ish friends manage to find you. Unless they don't, you'll get to travel with me. Exciting isn't it? I know, right? You'll like it. I can feel it. You'll become my pretty little doll. Till you break. I hope it'll last long. We've only been together for half a day. We have plenty of time to get to know each other once again. It's been a long time since our last meeting so I'm sure we both have a lot of things to say. A lot.

"You're fucking crazy." 

"If you say so. But soon, you'll like- no, you'll adore me."

"Never." I exclaimed, glancing at him, my eyes filled with all the rage I felt for him in this moment. He'd be stupid if he didn't see that.

"You won't say that in a few days. I think you'll even beg-" He said, cutting off mid sentence, before I spat at his face. 

I knew the consequences of it, but I didn't regret it. Now, he'd know that I'm not his toy, and that I'll certainly not beg him for anything. 

He stepped back, chuckling, before hitting me in the face with his fist. Soon enough, a few drops of blood flowed from my nose, falling on the dress, as the tissue slightly absorbed it.

I didn't know if it was the punch or the effects of the drugs that I had just felt, but I suddenly felt tired as he hit me, bringing me back to the state I was in when I woke up.

"You bitch...who do you think you are to do that? TELL ME." He yelled, his voice filled with anger. Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew it probably was red from all of the anger he's been accumulating.

The veins on his hands contracted, surely meaning he was restraining himself from hitting me again, or even...strangling me. 

"I'm...not a toy...for you to play with. It's sad that she died...but I already said I won't replace her."

"I NEVER ALLOWED YOU TO TALK, SHUT UP!" He paused, taking a large breath of air, as he pointed at me with his index. "You'll do...whatever I'll tell you. If you care enough about the ones around you. That'd be a shame for them to die because of their...stubborn friend." He added, glancing at me as he left the room, aggressively closing the door.

I couldn't stop shaking the whole time he was in. I'd never imagined that this would ever happen to be one day. It happened to Spencer, and I was devastated the whole time. Watching him on the livestream, I couldn't stand it for more than a few minutes. 

And now that I'm in the same situation, he's the one that is suffering. None of us know if I'll get out of here alive. That's the worst.

Until they'd find anything about him, both of us had to stay there, wondering if the other was doing okay, and in Spencer's case, wondering if I would make it. 

I really prayed for that. I need to see his smile again, run my hand through his hair, cuddle in bed with him, all of the things I love to do with him, that I love him for.

No sound was coming from outside, either the walls of the room were isolated in order to not let any sound in, or the house was in the middle of nowhere. 

The only thing I could do while being tied up was to look around; of the two windows, the only one that would allow the light to go in was closed by the blinds, only allowing a short film of light into the dark place. The left one was being blocked by the shelf in front of it, so not any light came out of it.

Even if I would try to escape, how could I even do that? I was tied up to the chair by the rope, almost suffocating me; my hands were both restrained to the back of the chair, each hand on one side of it, so whenever I'd try to move them up, the head of the chair would block my hands.

I then looked more around, a lot of costumes were displayed in the room. Some were complete, some half done or in bad shape; he also had sewing kits, measurement tapes, a lot of stuff to sew, in general. 

There were some boxes in the corner, some papers, and...a pair of legs coming out of behind the boxes. Someone was lying there. 

A stream of blood was dripping from her tight, while the puddle of blood underneath her limp body slowly became wider.

Her skin was pale as snow, and I quickly came to the realisation that she was either dying or...already dead.

Tears soon began flowing down my cheeks, a quiet sob escaping my lips. I couldn't do anything to help her, the only thing I could do was to watch her die, if she was still alive. 

And now...he's really going to do the same to me…? No. It can't happen...it can't.

The thought of myself soon being in the same situation as them even went through my mind for a second, terrifying me. I wasn't sure of it, but it still could be one of the scenarios that could happen. 

Who could even know if he didn't kill other girls? From what we all know, two have been found, and plus the one I just saw, three, or more, I couldn't confirm that; they'd had to search the house, or he'd have to say it to me in one of his possible attempts to threaten me, otherwise, I didn't know if there was more, I seriously hoped that he hasn't killed other girls. 

But, from what I've seen from the way he was acting, he felt...pressured, in a way. I think that when I...got angry, which resulted in him realising that I wasn't going to be the perfect doll he expected me to be, something might have changed in his plans, he imagined that he'd keep me much longer, thinking that I'd be obedient, calm. 

He had his reasons to think like that, I think. It's not really in my habits to flip people off, I'm usually nice in general. Even with weird guys that try to flirt with me for example. I always try to be as nice as possible when trying to tell them I'm not interested. Some aren't really mean in general, they just need a talk to understand.

I had this one teacher in college, back then, I was taking theater classes, thought it might be fun to do that for my last year. It didn't cost anything, and I had nothing to lose if I tried it. It really was fun, I got to make some new friends, discover new plays, and the teacher was really nice with us. He was like a second dad. You could talk of anything to him, he wasn't the type of guy to judge you, he was quite understanding in general. He wouldn't force you to talk unless you wanted to, and wasn't the type to slide in personal conversations. He was pretty friendly, you couldn't really talk bad to him, he was always nice.

What was his name…? I think his family name was something like...Miller? 

Even if it really was that, hundreds of people wear that name, so I'm not even close to finding it; and I was not really in the mood to play guessing games.

I'm currently being kidnapped, so...it's logical.

The door abruptly opened once again, as he turned the light on, a sudden burst of light brightening the room, causing myself to startle out of my thoughts. 

My eyes involuntarily closed, whilst my vision got blurry for a bit, focusing back when it adjusted itself to the light.

His shadow appeared on the floor as he headed towards me; I could even see my own shadow, not having noticed that I was shaking so much until I actually saw it right in front of me.

"Let's have another chat, shall we?" He took a chair, sitting in front of me while taking the mask off his face. "Remember me now?" 

________

SPENCER'S POV

10 hours since the disappearance of y/n

I pushed the glass doors of the 6th floor's office, walking through the hallway, as I made my way to the conference room.

A few minutes ago, I had reached the point where I just couldn't think anymore, I just had to get some air before getting aggressive with the others out of frustration.

Even if I knew that it would be all of the anger I've accumulated talking, and not the usual Spencer they know, I preferred not to go outside with anyone.

I was too distracted over the fact if we would ever find her alive again. If it's the guy that killed the two women, it'll only be a matter of time before he kills her.

When I stepped into the room, I sat by the seat next to Morgan, putting my elbows on the table while my hands rested under my chin.

Papers were scattered all over the table, as everyone's voices raised, arguing on the proofs they had, trying to understand who could be behind that. We only knew what the guy was doing, but had no clue of who it was.

We barely had anything. The only thing we had in stock was that the guy was between 40-50, and that he probably was a theater teacher, but again, it wasn't sure.

The thing was that we didn't even know if this guy was from here or not. He could be a guy that used to live here, and moved somewhere else.

Some argued on the fact that he always lived here, some on the fact that he just drove here so many times that he ended up knowing the city, or some that someone else who actually knew the area drove with him.

We weren't really close to finding any constructive proofs.

As for me, I wasn't close to finding any mental stability yet. My whole mind was a storm, a storm that I don't think anyone in the room would be able to stop.

What if she was already dead?

Although I wished more than anything that she would be okay right now, I couldn't get this thought out of my mind since we knew she was missing.

Her face appeared in my mind, her wonderful smile with it. She would radiate so much joy, that it would always be enough to cheer the team up for a bit whenever we'd work on a complicated case.

She would always care about others before herself. 

Even if we would never ask for it, she would suddenly burst out of the office, and come back a few minutes later with coffee, or even take a few files behind our backs so that we could go home early. She'd take a lot from Matt, JJ and Hotch; but while they'd go home early, she would go home late. 

We would even find her the next morning in the conference room, along with the finished files next to her. We weren't that evil, so we would let her sleep a bit more. 

She'd eventually wake up with a start, claiming that she just closed her eyes and didn't actually fall asleep. 

I always liked it when she tried to cover the fact that she didn't fall asleep, it really was fun.

But, I don't regret once meeting her, I've been in love with her since her first day at the BAU.

She got in about two years after I came in and when I saw her I just...immediately fell in love. Back then, I had shorter hair, and wasn't as sociable as I am today. A lot has changed about my behaviour and personality since. And...I think most of that is thanks to her. She made me a better person. 

15 YEARS AGO, OCTOBER 2005

The previous day, we've all been notified of the arrival of a new member, coming from New Jersey, but Hotch didn't say anything else, probably to keep the element of surprise, and so that they could introduce themselves to us properly. 

We all were excited, a new member meant an additional person to join our family, a new co-worker, a new person to know, it really sounded fun.

The next day, on a Tuesday morning, at exactly 7:40, she entered the office along with Hotchner.

She was trying to keep up with Hotch as he was walking, he was much taller compared to her, so she had some trouble walking at his pace.

They both headed towards his office, probably to talk a bit, sign some papers, I remember doing that on my first day here.

A few minutes later, Hotch and her went out of the room, as she shaked his hand, exchanging a few words.

During the whole time, I couldn't keep my eyes off her. I even waited for her to come out, staring at the door for at least twenty minutes.

The others even tried to call me, but after a few minutes, I think they noticed that the thing I was focused on wasn't the files, 

It was her.

Finally, Morgan decided to come to my desk and move his hand in front of my face, as I blinked, looking at him in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

"Hotch called the team five minutes ago, you were apparently too focused on the new one so you haven't even heard him calling us. If you don't want to get lectured by Hotch, get up fast."

"I wasn't focused on her..." I mumbled, while getting up, walking towards the conference room with Morgan.

I entered the room, noticing her next to Hotch, as the others were quietly talking together.

She glanced at me, and gave me a sympathetic smile before walking in my direction.

"Hi, you must be...Spencer Reid, right? I'm y/n y/l/n, it's nice to meet you." She said, reaching out to me.

It took me a few minutes to get out of my bubble, before I came back to reality, looking at her. "Oh, yeah, that's me. It's nice meeting you too." I said, giving her a handshake. 

"Everyone, I think you've all met her now, but let's welcome the new member of our team. She'll be working with us from now on. We all look forward to working with you, agent y/l/n." Hotch said, as everyone clapped once he was done talking, welcoming words following.

And, of course, the following days Garcia kidnapped her a few times in her 'batcave', for getting to know her more, y/n was probably polite, and liked her too much to refuse her invitation, so she would always come, asking Hotch if anything was planned. Penelope wasn't that evil to the point of letting Hotch lecture her.

I enjoyed every moment in her presence. The little time we'd have with each other was more than enough for me. But at the time, I wasn't courageous enough to confess my feelings to her. So, we just were two close friends.

Nothing more.

We really grew closer the following months, we would get coffee for the other one, eat on breaks when we had time, exchange files, but my most favourite things were to see her arriving in the morning, and walk her home at night.

She would always have this beautiful smile on her face whenever she'd greet everyone on her way in. Eventually, I stopped staring at her like an idiot when I'd see her, and talked instead.

She seemed to like my random facts a lot, so before she would arrive, I would write a fact on a piece of paper, and drop it on her desk. She liked that small attention of mine, and kinda began doing the same with cheerful words she'd write on paper or randomly say to me throughout the day.

Slowly, it became a habit.

Our habit.

I liked saying that. It almost sounded like...we were together. 

We weren't until, one day.

I suddenly came to her desk, and asked her out. It was now or never. Because if I hadn't done it back then, I don't know if I would have done it later.

Surprisingly, her first reaction was to cry. I got scared, thinking that she was about to announce that she already had a boyfriend or something else, but instead, she got up, and wrapped her arms around my neck, bringing me in a tight hug. I returned the hug, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"You took a lot of time to ask, I thought you'd never do it." She mumbled, loud enough for me to hear.

Soon enough, the team quietly gathered around, smiles on their faces. They wouldn't see that everyday, so might as well enjoy this moment.

When y/n broke our embrace, her eyes were still watery and a bit puffy because of the crying.

Before y/n even got to, I brought my fingers to her small face, wiping the tears from her eyes, which she immediately responded to with a smile.

Her smile.

That's the reason why I fell in love with her, and recently, asked her to marry me. 

"Hey, Reid. Reid. You there?" A familiar voice said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I then realized it was Morgan a few seconds after.

"Yeah, sorry. Overthinking. I just got stuck in my thoughts for a minute." I said, trying to keep up with what was said previously by listening to Morgan's short resume.

"He kept the first one four days, and the second two days." Emily said, tapping her pen on the table. "Which gives and doesn't give us a correct estimation. But, from that, we could possibly conclude that he would approximately keep her…" 

"Three or four days." I interrupted, while running my hand through my hair, in an exhausted way.

Everyone was exhausted at this point, we didn't even know if we would get the guy once, but mostly, we didn't know if we would be able to find her in time before he decides he wants to kill her. 

We would have this crushing weight on us if we wouldn't manage to save her. We'd not lose an agent, but a member of our family.

And I don't think we'll get up from that.

Derek, Luke and Matt always act like she's their little sister, they like to tease her, take things from her desk and wait for her to notice it, bring her the wrong order before saying that it only was a joke, they really like her.

Emily, JJ, Garcia, and Tara immediately became best friends with her, they really liked going out with her at night, or even hanging out with her in general. She wasn't a big fan of girl nights, but she'd come anyway, it distracted her from all of the stress she had throughout the week because of work. 

Which I understood, because even I like to throw myself on the couch and watch as many Doctor Who episodes as possible till I end up falling asleep. I do that, or just sleep. 

When you work there, get as much sleep as you can because you never know if you'll get called for a case, and when you'll get sleep when you'll start working.

And lastly, Hotch and Rossi are like the fathers she never had. Rossi often invited her to teach her how to cook, chat with her, watch tv, he really is considering her like she's his real daughter. 

Hotch always protected her, he likes to sit down with y/n to talk whenever she feels down, needs help with files, and she really looks up to him. He still lectures her sometimes, but he doesn't mean any harm. 

They both are like her fathers, the fathers that I'm sure she would have wished for. 

So, losing her would be the worst thing to ever happen to us right now.

From now on, every single second would be crucial. I could not permit myself to get distracted; it was a matter of life or death from now on. 

Even if I had to go to the guy's place myself, I'd do it.

I would risk my life for hers.

I would do everything for her.

She's my everything.

Her life always mattered more than mine. She'd always say to me that I should stop saying that, but I meant it, it was absolutely true. I would have never lied to her about that, or anything else.

She always supported me in all of the imaginable ways. She never left my side once. Even when I'd beg to stay alone, she would come anyway. She always came.

Y/N always felt bad when she couldn't come to a date we've had planned, by making sure to bake something for me the next day. I never got mad, if she couldn't come, it was totally alright.

Everyone would sometimes get sick, or too busy with files. But no matter what I'd say to her so that she'd know that it was okay, I would continually find something she baked for me on my desk. 

Losing her was my worst nightmare.

A nightmare that could become reality if we didn't find her in time.

"I'm sure we'll find her. You'll marry your girl, don't worry." Morgan said, a slight smile on his face. He probably was trying his best at being positive.

"I know you're supposed to think positively in these cases, but I just can't. If it's that guy, who knows if he's not going to kill her off, who knows if she's not already dead, I don't know what to think of anymore." I said, tears forming in the corner of my eyes.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. We'll do everything to find her. I promise, okay? Now calm down, you have to be strong for her."

"Yeah, I know, I know. We'll find her." 

The rest of the day consisted of piles of papers, some short naps, coffee, emotional breakdowns, everyone was overwhelmed by the situation.

I never had to deal with it before, so I didn't know what to do, how to manage all my emotions, I was completely lost.

Just a month ago, I proposed to her, and now we're supposed to get married. I don't even know when. 

It's not easy to plan something without it risking to be cancelled at the last minute because of a case. You can even get called at 2AM. 

These last weeks, we actually planned to organise the wedding, but just when we had free time to do it; two cases appeared. I'm even wondering if we'll ever have time to do the actual wedding at this point.

We were supposed to discuss it this weekend. Garcia even wanted to help us, she adores weddings. It's the first one she'll get to organise. She was so excited when I asked for her help. 

And now, all of our joy and excitement from the last days shattered in pieces when we heard of what had happened.

We all were devastated.

________

A few minutes earlier, Garcia had returned to her office, probably wanting some alone time. I knew she didn't really like to show her emotions in front of everyone, she finds it embarrassing. 

Everyone was pretty much doing the same, trying to stay strong even through I know we all were on the verge of tears.

I was about to walk out of the room to talk to Morgan who had come back to his desk, when my phone loudly vibrated. I quickly noticed that it was a call, whilst I answered, placing the phone to my ear.

"Spencer, you need to come, now." Garcia said, with a panicked tone, hanging up before I even got to place a word.

Apparently, she had sent the message to everyone; some of the team members were already there.

I headed into the room, as all my hopes shattered at the sight of what I've just seen on Garcia's monitors. 

I swore I almost heard her voice for a moment.

I wished for it to be true.

At that moment, I felt like everything around me was collapsing. 

Hotch was the last to come in, closing the door after entering, as he headed to where I was, his hand now resting on my shoulder.

We're almost there y/n. Almost there.

__________

Taglist: @amanda-rotigliano , @thatsonezesty13 , @eevee0722 ,

A/N (2): I hope you liked the chapter! I'm sorry it took so long,, I had a lot of struggle writing it haha- See you soon for the next and probably last chapter. The post that will close this story after the 3rd chapter will be the Epilogue.