#or 14 physical books as the case may be

[hamthezombie]

The temptation to read physical copies of the Dungeon Meshi books is warring in my mind with the realisation that where I live each book will cost me $30 and there are 14 of them.

Also absolutely nowhere here has the first 6 available and it looks like it could be until freakin' JULY before they come back in stock.

[doin-just-fine]

MAJOR UPDATE: Questioning systems or systems in a doubt spiral pls read.

I recently told my therapist about potentially being a system. This was a scary move because she has previously had some iffy takes about systemhood. But I told her because I trusted that she would meet me where I was at and help me navigate , at the least, the general idea of not understanding my own brain if nothing else which I was ok with. I told her and it went as expected. I explained why I thought I might be a system but also the doubts I had about it and how it was distressing me to not understand myself. She agreed to use the language I was using for it and was happy to help me through (as is her job) and also because whether it was systemhood or not it was something in me that was trying to be seen and we would work on figuring out what it was.

Fast forward a few session, and I was going through another bout of "what the fuck even is my brain". I was starting to realize that my "systemhood" is very different from the things I've been seeing online. In the ways that it's different to other systems is: - I'm always in the front, always in the captains chair - I have no amnesia because I never switch out - My hyper-vigilance never lets me dissociate fully though i definitely "check out" in my own way - Head mates just feel like vague ideas or emotions

But the ways that are similar are: - These vague ideas or emotions have opinions and feelings that are different from my own. - Though they are vague, I can definitely tell they are separate from what I have come to understand as "me" - I become "a different person" in the sense of my attitude, vibe, behavior, and opinions change from where they were 5 mins ago, but I am still me, just a different me.

Anyway, I was already trying to make sense of all of this and was not planning on talking about it with my therapist because nervous... However, my therapist ask me about it first. She asked some clarifying questions about my partners system vs my own and how they are different. When I explained what I just wrote above to my therapist she said "Thats what I thought and I owe you an apology."

Basically, my therapist, like any good therapist should when confronted by something they don't know a lot about, had been doing research on complex forms of trauma and coping. Things in the same vain as CPTSD and Plurality including those two topics. She had specifically been reading a book called "The Body Keeps The Score" (TW it is a book about trauma and studies of trauma so it has details of case studies that some people may find incredibly triggering). I did some research on what exactly the book was talking about in regards to "systemhood" and from what I've found, chapter 14 at the end of a section called "Writing to yourself" and the first parts of chapter 17 have interesting information regarding systemhood and how its not entirely limited to things that are diagnosable like DID or OSDD. It seems to talk about how we all have several selves and trauma can get in the way of those selves communicating effectively. My therapist told me about this book and what she learned from it and apologized to me because the book made her realize that she was wrong and that I was in fact a system....

The session ended and I just kind of sat there... not sure how to feel but definitely feeling relief and validation.

After doing research on the book to write this I have some words of wisdom. If you are a questioning system or are doubting your validity remember this: The human brain is so incredibly complex and no one actually understands how it does anything beyond its basic physical functionality... the conceptual abilities of our mind are a mystery. How we define self is just theory. If you don't fit into boxes, labels, identities, or diagnoses that does not mean your experiences aren't real. You are going to be ok. Understand YOUR mind and how it works for YOU, not through a label or diagnosis. If those things come later, great! Do not let them destroy you just because you don’t fit perfectly. I am a system. Simply. No types, labels, or diagnosis. I am a system. I have a unique experience because my brain is no one elses. I am a system. I may not have people in my head in the traditional sense but I'm also not alone up here either. I am a system. I am a system. I am a system. Nobody has the right to deny me this for they do not live behind my eyes.

As I understand myself: I am a system.

[lunarlianna]

Aphrodite asteroid

Aphrodite asteroid ( 1388): The name comes from the Greek Goddess Aphrodite, she was the Goddess of fertility, beauty, love and passion. In astrology the asteroid it’s also known for these specific traits, the asteroid can be found between the planet Mars and Jupiter and the orbit period it’s for almost 6 years. If this asteroid makes a close aspect (best are conjunctions) to your Asc or inner planets you may be blessed with beauty and magnetism. When evolved this asteroid can manifest as being in touch with your divine feminine, as being compassionate, generous and having sex-appeal, when it’s underdeveloped, the traits manifested are: vanity, sexual manipulation, obsession over beauty standards.

Aphrodite in Aries or at 1°, 13°, 25°/1st house: you have a magnetic personality, very fiery and independent. You may be very active or like physical activities, very sexual as well. Confident and bold you look good in colours red, orange or yellow. If it’s in the 1st house you may give off major goddess vibes but you need to be mindful and not fall into your more narcissistic tendencies. Be careful not to get addictive to adrenaline.

Aphrodite in Taurus or 2°, 14°, 26°/2nd house: Very soft and sensual energy, people are just simply mesmerized by you. High feminine energy, you may have a very classic glamours style, may prefer more earthly tones, green is the colour to go in your case. You may be very fertile and if in aspect with Uranus can mean unexpected pregnancies. You may have a beautiful neck or like to wear scarfs and necklaces. IF in 2nd house you may be materialistic and dramatic.

Aphrodite in Gemini or 3°, 15°, 27°/3rd house: you may be very expressive and have a lot of facial expressions. Vibrant personality and chatty, you may change our style quite often and have beautiful hands, if in conj with mercury this may give you a beautiful voice or high peached voice. Avoid drama and gossip. Words are your biggest weapon since you can sweet talk yourself out of any situation. Colours that work best for you are purple tones and light blue.  

Aphrodite in Cancer or 4°, 16°, 28°/4th house: you are very graceful and emotional driven. Very calm personality, fertility it’s also very high with this placement. You can be a jealous partner and quite possessive. You may have roundly shape features, you may prefer silk and pearls. Colours that look good on you are white or shades of white and dark blue. You may prefer your home to be very warm and welcoming to everyone.

Aphrodite in Leo or 5°, 17°, 29°/5th house: you bring a positive and optimistic energy. Very creative, you may like to do a lot of DIY. You are a proud person and you know how beautiful you are. You may have a big ego or behave from the ego rather than your heart when this asteroid is underdeveloped. Colours that work for you best are gold and yellow. You may like to have a collection of jewelleries, especially with rare stones.

Aphrodite in Virgo or 6°, 18°/6th house: you may have a very clean style and very sharp features but youthful looking. You may have great recommendation for books or movies. Colours that work best for you are brown, light green and light yellow. If in 6th house or at 18 degrees you may be prone to eating disorders and body dysmorphia. You may also have an obsession with skincare routines and some of you may prefer to follow a career in chemistry.

Aphrodite in Libra or 7°, 19°/7th house: you may have very beautiful, glamours skin and hair. You style if very romantic and chic, you may be very flirtatious also. As personality you can be charming, well-mannered and very dreamy. You enjoy having a lot of accessories and clothes. At home you may like to have a lot of plants or flowers, very cottages style home. Colours that are best for you can be shades of purple and blue. Also, you may enjoy the coffee smell and have coffee-based perfumes.  

Aphrodite in Scorpio or 8°, 20°/8th house: very seductive and magnetic energy, you can give of femme fatal vibes. You may be fit looking or enjoy being fit. Colours that work best for you are dark red, burgundy and black. If conj Mars/Uranus you can have a lot of sexual kinks or experiment a lot in the bedroom. You may have a very intense glaze or siren like eyes.  You may have the tendency to be possessive over your partner and overbearing. Try too not be very vindictive.

Aphrodite in Sagittarius or 9°, 21°/9th house: you may be very thick, especially around the thighs. You may have a very care-free personality and adventures. You may give off guru-like vibes and people want to follow you everywhere. You may have a high libido and be very fertile. Colours that work best for you are shades of red and purple. You may attract a lot of jealousy from others. It’s best for this placement to know when to take breaks since you may have the tendency to exaggerate with anything.

Aphrodite in Capricorn or 10°, 22°/10th house: your style it’s classic and very well put, old money vibe. You may have a very feminine energy but very intimidating. You may have high standards when it comes to your partners and you have traditional values. You may have beautiful bone structure and tall. Colours that work best for you are black, grey or dark green. You may choose a career where you have to help people or animals.

Aphrodite in Aquarius or 11°, 23°/11th house: your energy is electric and fluid like water, a bit mysterious and provocative. You may be very skinny or tall and your hair is thick or long. You are a trend setter and you dress accordingly, sometimes people find your style a bit quirky as well. Shades of blue are you to go colours. You could be great at public speaking and usually friend come to you for advice. You may become a beauty social media influencer.  

Aphrodite in Pisces or 12°, 24°/12th house: your style it’s very artistic and sometime you may try to create your own clothing. You may like the purple shades and you may have a lot of accessories that are seashells or with sea symbols. You may have a very beautiful voice especially if it’s in a good aspect with the Moon or Neptune. Very kind hearted and loving personality. Be careful to don’t be delusional and of any type of addictions.

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[tw1l1te]

The Final Promise₊˚✩⊹

Chapter 14

Linked Universe x reader

Warnings: Fluff, Angst, some dark themes

₊˚✩⊹

You slept like a baby after your… encounter last night. You were surprised to see Time asleep just a foot away from you, deep in slumber. You almost never saw him sleep, so this was a priceless moment. You noticed that the seemingly permanent crease in his brows had disappeared, meaning he was dreaming or sleeping without a worry. His lips were the tiniest bit parted, somehow soft and pillowy despite the harsh conditions of constantly being on the run.

His bangs were covering part of his face, so you lightly brushed them away, seeing his full face now. The moment didn’t last long, as Time was woken up by your physical touch.

“Mornin’.”

“Hey yourself. Sleep ok?”

“Jus’ fine. Surprised I slept at all.”

You chuckled, his accent was so much thicker when he was just woken up.

“What?”

“Oh nothing, you’re just cute.”

Sitting up, you notice a note on your right, written by Zelda.

Good morning, Y/n!

I’m terribly sorry we didn’t have the time to catch up yesterday, it’s been too long! I dragged Link away yesterday to talk about a particular discovery, not knowing it tied to yours as well. I was hoping you’d like to meet me for breakfast so we can catch each other up on what we found, in hopes of progressing our findings. Link knows where to find me, so he can show you around the castle so you won’t get lost. See you soon!

~Princess Zelda

So she did find something. Interesting.

Folding up the note, you placed it in your back pocket. Wild is hunched over the fireplace, seemingly cooking up some fruit and mushrooms for breakfast.

“You even make the simplest ingredients look and smell good.”

He slightly jumps at that, not hearing you approach. He gives you a small smile.

“You boost my ego way too much.”

“It’s true.”

He shrugs. He pokes the mushrooms around, making sure they get cooked evenly.

“Once you’re done with this, do you mind leading me to the princess? She left me a note saying you could lead me to her.”

“Of course. Let me just plate these really quick and we can go.”

~

“Where’d you go last night?”

Time blinks at his descendant, “What?”

“You weren’t here for a few hours last night. Y/n was gone too for a bit. You two ok?”

Time sighs, not particularly keen on talking about last night’s situation. Twilight, hell each one of them, was good at detecting lies. Hero’s spirit, he thinks.

“I couldn’t sleep, neither could they.”

“You do know my sense of smell and hearing is really good though, right?”

“I’m aware.”

“I know it's none of my business and all… but I care about them too, yeah? Just be careful with them, ancestor.”

“You sound like me, Pup.”

“I learned from my mentor, what can I say?”

They both return to checking on their drying clothing in front of the fireplace, a silence settling upon them.

~

Walking into Zelda’s study, you awe at the hundreds of books and scrolls that lined the shelves. Sheikah tech and parts were strewn about the room in boxes, some on the table as well. Zelda was looking at a map, Sheikah Slate in hand.

“You look busy, Princess.”

“It’s just busy work. I’m trying to map out a path for a possible expedition in the future.”

“Oh? Where to?”

She sets the Slate down, sighing. She points at the castle, circling the territory. “I’m trying to get underneath Hyrule Castle. When the Calamity fell, it unearthed a small opening to the corridors underneath the castle, which strangely enough, weren’t marked on the interior maps of the castle.”

That was strange.

“Do you think…. They may have left it out on purpose? In case they didn’t want the map to fall into the wrong hands? It would make sense.”

“I…. suppose, though, not even my Father or the Hylian Council ever talked about it. It’s strange.”

Zelda seems to snap out of her thoughts, focusing back on you.

“Ah, right! We’re here to corroborate our findings. Link mentioned something about hooded figures and a “Twilight Mirror”? I believe I’ve read about the era of Twilight during my studies, though hardly any in-depth information was written about the mirror. I’m surprised you found a piece.”

“Well, we technically didn’t find it, Riju and her research team did. But, yes, it does seem like the real thing and not a replica. I… don’t have it on me right now, but I did bring the Historia and a direct transfer drawing that I did.”

You hand her the two items, waiting for her response.

“This is… truly incredible! This next to the Sheikah technology are amongst the most life-changing of discoveries! Tell me, Y/n, have you found any other information relevant to the Twilight Mirror? Link mentioned something about the Yiga…” she trailed off realizing she rambled.

You smiled solemnly at her, not particularly keen on recollecting the traumatic events that occured at the hideout or in Malon’s home. 

“Well, you see, I was captured by the Yiga when Link and I visited Chief Riju. It was completely unexpected, as we thought the Clan had calmed a bit since Kohga’s defeat, but it appears we were wrong. They… wanted me for an ulterior motive, for someone else rather, but that’s all I can really remember.”

She nods, letting the words sink in.

“I’m terribly sorry that happened to you, Y/n. Link is more than capable of protecting you, me, or anyone for that matter, so it must have really been something he’d never expect.”

You nod, grateful that the princess didn’t put down Li- Wild any further. Hylia knows he’s been through enough pressure and divine expectation as it was.

“…Link also mentioned something about hooded figures… do you have any information on them? Should I be worried for my kingdom?”

“No, Princess, this seems more… personal, for them at least. It seems they want nothing to do with the kingdom itself or you, but more so with me and the other heroes. I don’t have any idea about who they are and where they come from, but I can assure you me, Link, and the others will put a stop to it, regardless of how long it takes.”

She smiles sadly, looking out the window. It was already past midday, the time you spent with her flying by.

“It’s a shame it always has to come to the hero protecting everyone else. I wish I could help more.”

“You’re already helping by restoring Hyrule and not putting yourself in danger. Trust me, Princess.”

She turns back to you, the light in her eyes returning.

“Goddesses, such formalities! Please, call me Zelda.”

~

You and Zelda spent the rest of the day nose deep in books, textbooks, everything and anything that connected to the past few weeks. Your hands cramped from how many notes you took, giving you not so pleasant reminders of your younger years in grade school, slaving away at an essay that meant nothing to you now.

Zelda closed the book she was currently reading and stood up, “Well! I think that’s enough for today. I truly appreciate the help, Y/n, it really wasn’t expected of you.”

“Of course. After all, it is my quest, so it only seems fit that I put in high effort.”

She smiles, nodding at you.

“Well then, I’ll be heading out to prepare for the night. I most likely won’t see you until tomorrow, but please don’t leave yourself cooped up in here much longer, trust me, it gets to you.”

You nod, waving her off. You sigh, slumping against the chair. How long were you even here? Wind must be bored out of his mind. Shaking your head out of your thoughts, you continue back on your research, taking the book from the top of the stack for you to look through.

Before you could put in a decent dent in your work, the door knocked.

“Come in!”

You thought that it was Wild, surprised to see the Captain walking into the room.

“Still in here? I’m amazed at your skill of concentration. Hylia knows some of the others need it.”

“I’m finishing up, I can’t feel my hand anyways. I just want to finish this last book and then I’ll come join y'all.”

“I’ll stay with you, it’s not like I have anything better to do. I left the others behind anyways to find their away around the castle.”

“That’s mean.”

“They’re fine, they have Wild with them. Plus, I wanted to spend time with you, even for a few moments.”

You hum, satisfied with his answer. You weren’t happy about the fact he left everyone behind, but you did like his company, as awkward as you got.

You continued flipping through the pages, your fingers fumbling with the corners. At a certain point, Wars was sitting next to you, your knee brushing against his, faltering your focus.

“...I’m sorry for what happened back in the desert. I should’ve come sooner.”

You lifted your head, turning to him.

“That wasn’t your fault, Wars. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, besides the Yiga Clan and… whoever our little friends are.”

“But still I-”

“You are all so stubborn. I’m gonna say this once, and one time only: it wasn’t your fault. You had nothing to do with it, Link.”

He stayed silent at your demand, searching your face for any hesitation in your words or flickers of uncertainty. Something took over his psyche and decided to lean in closer, your noses bumping against each other.

“You’re too…fuck-”

You pull him in, impatient with his indecisiveness. He grunted lightly, clearly not expecting the sudden confidence from you. He brings his hand to the base of your head, lightly pulling you in. He’d been waiting and waiting, waiting to show what you meant to him. He promised himself that after the recent incident and the too-close call, he needed to tell you, show you.

He pulled away reluctantly, not wanting to end this sacred moment, but he needed to breathe. You placed your forehead against his, catching up on your breath. He tucked away the couple strands of hair framing your face, looking at your eyes. He could get lost in them.

“H-hah, you’re terrible with feelings, Wars.”

He chuckles, placing a kiss on your forehead, “What can I say, it’s the hero’s spirit.”

You roll your eyes, but you both laugh. You could feel the pressure of the past few weeks leaving your body, even just temporarily.

Closing the book, you get up and hold out your hand to him, “I think that’s enough reading for today. You coming with me?”

“Always.”

~

“There is absolutely no way you used to look like that.”

“Speak for yourself! You’re practically showing off your ass in those tiny shorts!”

“Oh wouldn’t you like to know-”

You and Wars enter the gallery hall to find the rest of the group laughing and bickering over their paintings. You avert your eyes from Time, remembering the events that took place in the very same hallway. Luckily, he was preoccupied with looking at the paintings to notice your presence yet.

“Y/n, they’re making fun of me ‘cause I’m shorter than Zelda!!”

You chuckle, running up to Wind to look at his painting. Your lips twitch as you cough in your palm, trying to mask the laugh bubbling up your throat.

“I mean….”

Wind just throws up his hands in defeat, “Ugh!!”

Wild walks up to you, standing on your left. He leans into you a bit, asking “I take the meeting with Zelda went well?”

You nod, “Yeah, we got a lot done. Can’t say I found anything extremely helpful, but maybe some leads we could follow.”

“Oh? Who or where?”

“Hmmm… I think the nearest would be Kakariko Village, possibly Robbie and Purah in Hateno, and Lurelin Village, as it says they have a piece as well.”

“Did any of the texts mention how many pieces there were?”

“No, but if I had to guess based on patterns and the size of the piece we have, I’d say anywhere from three to seven. It’ll be easier to tell once we see the other in Lurelin.”

He nods, deep in thought.

“I’ll mention it to Twi and Time, they might have an idea on how to split up the work or what leads should take priority.”

You nod, thanking him. You weren’t sure how Twilight was taking to the journey to assemble the Twilight Mirror, as he seems… distant. Not necessarily upset, but almost hazy in thought or… memories. 

You hoped you could find some time tonight to talk to him and see his perspective on your current journey, give him space to be vulnerable if need be.

You just hoped your efforts weren’t in vain.

The goddesses above tended to do that.

₊˚✩⊹

[matan4il]

Some thoughts, on this complex Purim...

-> As a reminder that the Bible never forgets to root the stories of Jews anywhere in our eternal bond to the Land of Israel, because Judaism itself is intrinsically Zionist, the story of Mordechai begins by recounting his family history, and how his family in Persian originates in Jerusalem (Esther 2:5-6).

-> The story of recruiting Esther to save the Jewish people (Esther 4:10-14) includes a warning from Mordechai to his niece, not to think that she of all Jews would be spared the genocide of her people that Haman is planning, just because she dwells in the house of the king. This is absolutely relevant for all self-hating / self-erasing Jews, who have internalized antisemitic narratives, and think they will be treated better, or simply be better, by adhering to the idea of being"good Jews," meaning throwing the rest of us, along with essential parts of Jewish history and identity, under the bus.

-> But the meaning of the warning goes deeper than that. Esther is not being unreasonable when she doesn't want to go to the king without having been summoned. If he accepts her, she would be fine, but if he doesn't, which seems more likely (as she states he hasn't called for her in a month), she will be killed (which is not a fate she's likely to escape even as the queen, when King Achashverosh has a history of getting rid of defiant wives, as recounted in Esther 1). Is Mordechai's warning enough, then? Esther's death seems much more assured if she defies the king personally, than the possibility that her being Jewish might be discovered. Appealing to her sense of self preservation alone would not be enough, then. Which is why I think Mordechai did more than that...

-> Mordechai uses words of warning, but he's reminding her of a core Jewish value: that WE see our fate as being inherently linked to that of the entirety of the Jewish people. When Mordechai says she alone will not escape, he may not be talking about concrete death. Maybe no one would figure out that Esther is Jewish. Maybe she will be safe in the king's palace. Maybe she would physically survive Haman's planned genocide of Jews. But would she actually survive in such a case? She IS a Jew. And as such, one of our core values is Jewish solidarity, caring about every other Jewish person, being a part of the greater Jewish community. If that's all gone, if every Jew other than Esther is killed, and if the only reason she remained alive, is because she betrayed a core part of being Jewish, which is caring about her people, didn't she truly survive, is she still herself?

-> And then Mordechai also makes her an offer. He has faith that somehow, even though there's no reason to believe this would happen, the Jews will be saved. Mordechai doesn't ask her to save the Jewish People, because otherwise they are doomed. He trusts that there will be a miracle. He's offering her the chance to be that miracle, the chance to be remembered as the savior of the Jews, instead of her memory forever being tainted as a traitor to her people. If she did choose her own life instead, it is certain in his mind that she's as good as having perished, even as all the Jews will be physically saved.

-> And after having shared with her his faith, he appeals to hers. Maybe she can trust in God, that she of all girls in the vast Persian Empire became queen, exactly so she could help save her people.

-> And in response, Esther asks Mordechai and the Jews to fast for her. She will go to the king, she will do what she can to stand by her people, by her Jewish values, by her identity, by her faith, even if it will result in her death (Esther 4:15-16).

-> Purim is the ultimate story of how much Jews can make a difference. God is not mentioned in any way in the Book of Esther. There's faith expressed in the salvation of his people, there's the implication that it was possible thanks to him, but this story is about the bravery and strength of regular Jewish people, and how their choice to stand by their morals, by their faith and by each other can even prevent a genocide.

(in the following photo: Purim 1946, Jews reading the Megillah, the Book of Esther, at a Displaced Persons camp in an American-occupied part of Germany)

-> And to me, that's the ultimate reason why Purim is such a cause for celebration, when we have to be happy. Not just because we were saved (and as always when we have been, we get to eat). It's also because we get to celebrate ourselves as regular people, our values, and what we can achieve when we don't give up on them. That in turn becomes a source of strength as well, and helps us to keep going. It's a self perpetuating cycle of the best kind. It is no surprise to me then, that even during and after the Holocaust, whenever it was in any way possible, Jews celebrated Purim.

(in the following photo: Purim 2024, kids in the Golan Heights laying down on the ground in their costumes, as a siren goes off)

-> For most of us, this is the hardest Purim to celebrate in our life time. I pray it stays that way, and we never experience anything near what happened on Oct 7 again. And still, I feel called upon to remind myself and anyone interested, that we must celebrate. That we have to make sure genocidal antisemites don't rob us of our joy and strength, of our sense of community and what we can achieve together. That we should remember even more than in other years what regular people (Jews and allies) managed to do, simply by standing by their morals and humaneness. That we can have faith this will continue to fuel us as we move forward and, as we have had to do in the past, find a way to re-build ourselves and our future, committing ourselves to making it better than what we had before.

(in the following photo: Tel Aviv's Purim street celebration in 1934, 14 years before the State of Israel declared Independence)

(in the following photo: Jerusalem's Purim street celebration, 2024)

Chag Purim Sameach!

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[thenewrises]

enjoy my brain rambles (18+ MDNI)

idk the last time i did a theory/full lore post on anything since 17 year old me played mystic messenger in 2017 (IN FUCKING PHYSICS!!!!!) but for some reason 14 days with you has been on the forefront of my brain for over a year so. also it's so funny how not into yandere games/dark romance i was years ago but the moment i started college and started reading shit like ACOTAR (not dark romance but like... y'know... rhys...) i am like damn... what if someone was THAT into me me... (this does not include haunting adeline i fucking hate that book)

anyways sorry for the ramble!!!! some fun stuff i have found in the last idk few days of perusing old stuff, new stuff, etc.

also, a lot of hints i've found have been followed up by "👀". this is not the case with everything but just a lil tidbit i noticed! :)

The official 14DWY blog is @14dayswithyou

edit: put 18+ mdni in title because the game is 18+! should have mentioned that LOL

Ren's name!

I have been super interested in finding out his name, which i will send guesses sometime to the ask box when i have more as to not spoil anything if i'm right. BUT, i can share everything i have collected! i do know we will know more about him in day 7 possibly but i want to hopefully give some help if anyone wants to guess like me!

(Not In Name) ❌ - T, D, Z, S

(In The Name) ✅ - N, R, A, E

does not begin with - E, R, B, A, P

does not end with - N, L, Y

extras ⁃ 8 letters (could be more) ⁃ not traditionally masculine ⁃ american ⁃ emerald has three letters (E, A, R are my guesses) ⁃ clarence (two letters right spot) ⁃ emerson (one letter right spot) ⁃ marienne (one letter right spot) ⁃ his sister called him ren

so, with this in mind i have a few ideas. it seems the letter "R" is in the fourth position in his name. the letter "E" seems to be at the end of his name. i believe his name may be unisex or possibly more typically feminine, but he was named by his mother after her two friends (which i believe are Teo's relatives). some guesses about the name i have are: i believe his name may begin with an L or F, but this is just a guess i have but i do not believe it begins with a C. either "ren" is in his name altogether or another variation such as rien. but! this is just a theory (matpat... thank u).

some extras:

_ _ _ r _ _ _ e

edit: upon some scrolling before bed i am starting to believe their name may end in “rence” or “riene”. will update but that’s where i’m landing right now.

edit 2: may ALSO end in renie!

2. Ren's hands!

so we know ren has scarred hands from an accident prior to the events of the game before he ran from home. i don't know exactly what caused the scarring, but i believe it was some kind of altercation with his father from the sounds of it. it was said that ren left his mom in absolute hysterics when he left, so i believe there are a few things that could have happened.

i don't know if ren's father would hurt his mother but let's assume he wouldn't, maybe ren was presenting more masculine, talking back to his father, becoming a "threat" towards taylor, who knows! whatever happened, ren got into an altercation with taylor that ended in the scarring. I believe it has something to do with fire, taylor may have been set of fire somehow. maybe taylor wanted to burn the house down. OR, maybe ren tried to burn the house down with taylor in it...

it's possible that taylor may have tried to harm ren's mother that he attempted to save his mom and burn his father/harm his father. whatever happened, hana was not present for this as i believe this is when ren ran away from home IF this is how it happened.

maybe what happened to his hands was much longer before he left. i've seen some questioning that when leon had a birthday party, he invited hana but she did not go for reasons unknown. what this could mean is that something happened WHEN hana still lived there before she was sent off to school. maybe this was when ren got the scars on his hands. maybe taylor tried to harm ren due to him simply being male, maybe it was something else. maybe ren fought back. maybe taylor tried to hurt ren's mother, causing him to be punished by his father. all i know is, ren in an ask has said “I-I didn’t mean to… He— I didn’t have much of a choice…”

3. Playlist!

a while ago, saint put out this playlist and explained that characters and endings are connected to the songs. from other's guesses and my own curiosity, i went through and did some eliminations and found these to be the most possible to be connected:

shapeshift - ren

almost had me - violet

glimpse of us - leon

angel - ending

god complex - ending (possibly leon)

EDIT: gun - ending (most likely bad)

heart-shaped hologram - EDIT: I believe this is ren's introspection now

these could be inaccurate! but from what i have seen i think these are the best guesses for some of the songs. maybe i'll try to guess more in depth, but for now, this is just from what i've read up! 14 days also has the potential to be an ending, but once again this may be another post.

conclusion

i am so out of my mind. but it is so fun to evaluate lore i have always loved doing it and this game itched my brain. i reccommend this game if you're interested in horror and are 18+ then i say check out this game! read the warnings ahead of time, but i find it funky fresh

anyways womp womp, redacted come home, emo boy by ayesha erotica lookin' ass

[the-oceankin-collective]

Signs you may be Otherkin

(Full credit to eristic.net)

(Disclaimer: This list is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, a kind of "ha ha only serious ". It should not be taken really really seriously -- that is, you MUST have these traits or you're not otherkin, and/or if you have these traits, then you MUST be otherkin -- because many of these can also apply to humans of a general magical or pagan persuasion and amassing ticks on a list of characteristics does not make a otherkin. However, neither is it exactly a joke list on the order of "You might be a redneck/liberal/geek if..." You might say 's funny 'cause 's true. In any case, caveat lector .

Also, please keep in mind that this list really belongs to another time in the community.)

You might be Otherkin if...

Physical Characteristics and Remnants of Former Bodies/Lives

1. You feel a lot older than your grandmother and cannot explain why.

2. You miss a place, yet cannot explain where it is.

3. You find it very frustrating that you can't breathe under water or fly.

4. You have "phantom" body parts (such as wings or a tail) that you can feel move, and that sometimes become really annoying with clothes, or cause pain when "slept on". 

5. You modify (or wear special) clothing or sit/stand/walk differently to accomodate physical characteristics your waking body doesn't have - or you don't even realize you're making such accomodations until someone else points out that you are.

6. Your doctor can't figure out how you damaged your back to start with, but you don't really want to tell hir it's a battle injury from a previous life.

7. Trans people often want gender-affirmation surgery. You want SPECIES-affirmation surgery.

8. You are always the first one to hear something in the distance (ie: approaching car, person, storm...).

9. You have either more allergies than normal folks, possibly including odd ones like metals (iron and alloys, silver, gold, copper); stones (hematite, malachite, pyrite); certain herbs; or other substances not commonly considered allergenic, or you have a dragon's constitution and have less allergies than normal folks, and are not prone to disease (you never had the flu, etc.).

10. You have naturally dilated pupils, or see very well in the dark.

11. You have bright green or violet eyes, or eyes with multiple colours in them, or that change color.

13. Some part of your body changes shape and/or color.

14. The "you" you see in the mirror and the physical shell experienced by other people are entirely different entities.

15. You find yourself unable to develop an addiction - after a certain point, certain substances stop affecting you entirely. This is most bothersome when it's much-needed prescription medication.

Personality Characteristics, Perceptions and Habits

1. You don't consider yourself really human.

2. Your creativity (of whatever persuasion) consumes you to the point of eccentricity. Dance, music, art, and beauty in general are not luxuries, peripheral experiences or mere entertainment, but physical needs.

3. You know, see, and feel a deeper existence than the visible world around us.

4. The woods, glens, etc. speak to you and call you to come join them.

5. You have a deeper understanding of the cycle of life and death than many people do.

6. Most people find their inner children. You found your inner puppy or hatchling.

7. You remember your dreams with more detail, clarity and relevance than your waking moments.

8. Linear thought is a problem, and linear time an even greater one.

9. The books that speak the greatest Truths to you are found in the Fantasy/SF section.

10. Your best friends are nymphs, pixies, and fairies.

11. You think trees or holes in the ground are a great places to live.

12. You catch yourself referring to David Bowie as "cousin."

13. You find it hard to explain to mundanes that there really IS a dragon sitting on your pencil case and she�s been talking to you all through math and English.

14. You can sleep on the floor, ground or a wood bed, but not a metal frame bed.

15. You collect little 'oddities' that don't match anything else you own. Going to an antique store is like going to an adoption agency. You actually own more knick-knacks and stuff than the antique store down the street.

16. No religion seems to fit you, no matter which one you try.

17. You are the definition of "weird".

18. You love to hide in natural places when emotionally or otherwise upset.

19. You can actually speak Tolkien Elvish, and it feels like your mother tongue.

20. You don't match your "real" age in looks, thoughts, words, wisdom, etc.

21. The weather and your moods have more than a coincidental link.

22. You write such good stories 'cause they aren't stories... it's all real.

23. You feel you'd have done much better a few hundred years back. Living History not only describes your favorite activity, it describes you.

24. You have an obesession with honor most people just don't understand.

25. You've been in or almost caused a car accident because you were distracted by the sunset, sunrise, rainbow, moon, stars, lightning, and/or interesting cloud formations.

26. You bore very easily.

27. You get downright pissed when people harm animals or plants or destroy the environment.

28. As a child you always knew where to find the berries in the woods.

29. You are fascinated with language, linguistics, theology, anthropology, slang, subculture and the madness of crowds.

30. You see through spiritual charlatans like they were made of glass.

31.Your personality changes outright depending on the clothing you wear. That includes a mixed personality if you mix two kinds of clothing.

32. You prefer silver rather to gold, bronze, etc.

Interactions With "the Mundanes"

1. Human language just isn't enough to FULLY convey what you are trying to say. You feel telepathy, empathy, and visual sendings make up most of your languge and you often tend to use these more than spoken words, much to the dismay of those around you.

2. Your friends and family have always thought of you as, shall we say, "different."

3. You never quite see things from the same point of view as your mundane friends. They never get your sense of humour.

4. Mundanes think you are eccentric, very intelligent or crazy, but you think that you are normal and they are the ones who are odd.

5. You have actually answered "elf", "dragon", "fae", "werewolf", etc. under the "Race" section of surveys or when asked by telemarketers.

6. Your friend's cat, who hates EVERYONE including your friend, loves you.

7. People either love you or hate you and you cannot figure out why.

8. Animals and trees are better friends to you than most mundanes.

9. You feel horrible if you have to act human, and weird things happen to you when you try.

10. When you haven't slept for a few nights running, haven't eaten, don't feel pain, etc., the standard explanation from your friends is "but we all know you're not human..."...before you've even told them what you really are.

11. You attract the strangest people. They seem to congregate around you as if attracted by some pheremone only they can perceive.

12. You almost never play a human character in role-playing games. (Bonus points if you refuse to play a human in the SCA or at Ren Faires, but rather play a vampire, elf or faerie.)

13. People's professed personalities and beliefs cause you to break out in peals of laughter at socially inappropriate times.

14. People often ask you if you are on drugs.

15. Hospitals, most schools, government buildings, and large, impersonal corporations either depress you to the point of tears or trigger panic attacks.

16. Small children come up to you and hug you for no apparent reason.

Magic, Psi and Strange Occurrences

1. You think nothing of adjusting your energy to a "peace" signature to calm down someone who's agitated. (Fun with glamour, folks!)

2. When you don't want to be noticed, you can be wearing three-inch spikes and a mohawk, and people walk past you, oblivious.

3. Your dreams bleed over into mundane reality.

4. You catch glimpses of an alternate reality superimposed or side-by-side with mundane reality. When you're half asleep and half awake, the worlds tend to blur and you can see numerous realities existing at once.

5. Your wishes affect mundane reality in a tangible way.

6. Too many synchronicities happen to you to pass them all off as coincidence.

7. Small children run up to you and point out the nice lady with pointy ears or the big furry man or the dragon.

8. Grown people nervously ask you if you've ever thought of yourself as "elf-like" or "dragon-like," or just get positively freaked out being near you.

9. You "bleed over" in pictures (characteristics visible in your "other form" show up on the film).

10. You dream prophetically.

11. When really stressed/relaxed/magickal you speak in a foreign unknown language or make animal noises.

12. People are spooked when you walked up behind them and they never heard you coming. You move so silently that you can even sneak up on a police dog without it noticing you.

13. Energy work seems so natural for you that even as a beginner you baffle most veteran magic users. You can't understand why people need all those props to do anything magical, when it's so much simpler to just reach and change something. You're unable to grasp that there are people who can't feel magical flows, no matter how often you hear otherwise.

14. You've met someone you instantly knew from dreams you've been having since you were five.

15. From time to time really strange things happen, like you get cut and your blood falls on a white rose and it turns red, and within a month the entire rose bush has deep red flowers.

16. You sense spirits residing within rocks, trees, waters, buildings, mechanical objects, etc., and you converse with them regularly.

17. You didn't know that not everyone did lucid dreaming (astral projection, hands-on healing, aura sight, telepathy, precognition...) until you read about it.

18. You "smell" what kind of mood the people around you are in.

19. Computers often malfunction, act up, and do lots of unusual things in your presence, causing your coworkers to ask you to "stand over there, please" and causing your company's resident computer tech many hours of heartache.

20. Sometimes when you see or meet a stranger you see a flash of their True Nature without even trying.

21. You can alter time, manipulate the weather, conjure things or teleport by accident, etc. without ever having learned how, nor in fact understanding how these are possible.

22. When they unearth an ancient earth artifact that "no one" knows about you not only find that you recognize it, but also that you had been telling your friends about it for the last few years.

23. You don't just dream, you go planet-hopping.

24. Time always does weird things around you.

25. Your friends use you as the resident antenna for the radio, for it always receives better sound when you stand in front of it.

26. You cannot wear watches or other timepieces on your person. If you do, they are rendered completely useless within days and become blithering idiots that have no idea what time it really is anymore.

27. You can hear the stars singing.

28. All of your best friends/lovers/etc. awaken to otherkin natures within a few months of meeting you.

29. You can't ever remember the color of someone's eyes, but you can describe their aura/astral form in detail.

I kinda only posted this because some people can’t get on the website for many different reasons and this is what I used to discover that I was Otherkin.

Have a good day/night and Look after yourself.

(🦭mod Zeph)

[49-ibr]

14 DAYS REMAINING!

49: VOLUME 01 is out on May 7th 2024!

A caged princess. A too-trusting hero. A blood-drinking pirate.

A secret to uncover.

And, just in case that isn't enough, here is an ask game based on the magic system!

ASK GAME: FANTASY WORLDBUILDING

AIR – What is the first location introduced in the book? 

BEASTS – What is the rarest creature?  

BLOOD – If there are gods, what is the most common sacrifice from their followers? How has this evolved over time? And what do they receive in return? 

CHANGE – What is the most unique location, compared to the real world? 

COSTUME – What does the average peasant wear? 

COURAGE – What is the most worshipped trait in this society, and who do they consider to be the epitome of this trait? Do they deserve this worship? 

CREATION – What is the most popular creation myth? Is it true? 

DARKNESS – Have you created any constellations? Do they have meanings? 

DEATH – What happens after death? 

DESIRE – Do most people marry for love or politics? 

DESTRUCTION – What is the most violent war in this world’s history? 

DISEASE – What is the deadliest disease, and how is it spread? 

DREAMS – Do the people believe in dreams as a magical force? 

EARTH – What is the most common crop? 

ENERGY – Do they have electricity? 

ENVY – What is the most taboo crime? 

EYES – Does the government spy on the people? 

FATE – How do they predict the future, and is it accurate? 

FEAR – What is the people’s greatest fear? 

FIRE – When, historically, did they discover fire? How did they discover it? 

FLESH – What is their view on cannibalism? 

FORCE – What is their scientific knowledge like? 

GLUTTONY – What is the best food? How is it made, and how many people can actually buy/make and eat it? 

GREED – How does the government treat the people? 

GRIEF – How long are periods of mourning? 

HOPE – What is their most known fairytale? 

ICE – What is the weather like? How does it vary region-to-region? 

ILLUSION – What is their main form of entertainment? 

LIGHT – What do they use for light? 

LOVE – What do they think of queer people? 

LUST – How taboo is sex?  

METAL – What weapons do they most commonly use? 

MIND – What is the education system like? 

MUNDANE – Who is the lowest in society? 

PAIN – How do they treat physical injuries? 

PAST – How do they view mental illnesses? 

PLANTS – What is the most dangerous plant in this world? Where can it be found? 

PRIDE – How patriotic are the people? 

ROT – What is the sewage system? How much is daily life impacted? 

SILENCE – What music do they have? 

SLOTH – Who is the richest in this society, and how did they earn their wealth, if at all? 

SOUL – What is the most commonly-believed superstition? 

SPACE – Have they been to space, if that even exists in this world? 

STORMS – Have you invented any fantastical natural disasters? What is most common, and what is the deadliest? 

STRENGTH – Who is the most famous historical figure? 

TIME – How do they tell time, if they do at all? 

TRUTH – What is the most extreme punishment for a crime? 

WATER – If you have a map, share it! 

WRATH – How common is murder? How is it punished? 

[katniss-evermeme]

Some disjointed thoughts about the SOTR cover/synopsis reveal from this morning under the cut:

The longer I look at it, the more I don't actually hate the cover? From the response I had seen on Panem Propaganda's post this seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I think the cover actually works. The "nightlock purple" (as one commenter called it) is a good choice since it foreshadows the poisons in the arena and Maysilee's use thereof, and it could possibly hint to how Snow got rid of Haymitch's family after the Games (poison is, after all, the perfect weapon for a snake). The way the snake and mockingjay are joined together + the spikes in the middle make me think of the crowns they give the victors, but it also reminds me of a lyre, which could be a nod to the theme of music in the previous books if intentional.

I do think the snake returning from the TBoSaS cover is significant, especially since the mockingjay is drawn in a similar style. This could just be to keep consistency in the prequel covers, but personally my current theory is that it's an allusion to Lucy Gray. The snake and mockingjay are connected, yet they almost look like they're fighting with one another. Which, of course, brings Snow and Lucy Gray to mind once more. I'm not saying that Lucy Gray did or didn't survive in the prequel, but if she did I think she's likely to make an appearance here (whether Haymitch recognizes her for who she really is or not). Even if she doesn't make a physical appearance, and she truly is dead, I think we'll continue to see her memory haunting Snow at the very least, especially since this is the first time a tribute from Twelve has won since Lucy Gray. It could even be an additional reason why Snow chooses to use Haymitch as an example for the other victors.

Despite being a Haysilee shipper back in the day, I'm really interested in finally getting to see what Haymitch's girlfriend was like. That one has been eating at me since... 2014, maybe? It's going to be nice seeing him have someone around that makes him happy before we have to get a full box of tissues and bawl our eyes out, I just know that one is going to hurt a lot.

That being said, I'm curious to see which of the female tributes mentioned in the synopsis will end up being Maysilee. I showed the synopsis to one of my siblings, who assumed the opposite one that I did, which in turn made me realize that it could really go either way. On one hand (though less likely, in my opinion), there's "the young friend who is nearly a sister to him", who it would make sense for him to ally with (especially since Katniss doesn't mention Haymitch having any other allies during Catching Fire). That said, it sounds like this girl may be in the 13-14 age range; I'm guessing she'll be a bloodbath victim, which is why Haymitch doesn't have the chance to ally with her. But if this does end up being Maysilee, it would be a really sweet twist on their dynamic compared to how many people jumped right in to shipping them without considering a platonic explanation (guilty as charged here, not even going to try to deny it). On the other hand, there's "the most stuck up girl in town". If she ends up being Maysilee, I think it's going to be really fun. Maybe that's not how I've always characterized her, sure, but it could always be a case of Haymitch getting a bad first impression of her too. In either case, I'm picturing a reenactment of What Is This Feeling from Wicked, and it's glorious. Which is certainly a fitting comparison, because the two of them later becoming allies means that we'll get to see them get closer, which will be really sweet as well since they got off on such a wrong foot. Either way, I'm excited to see their dynamic be explored, regardless of which tribute she is. It'll be nice to have more than just a few pages to go off of for Maysilee's characterization now too.

There's not much to say about the other male tribute, but I can already tell he'll be at least a little fun to read about. I definitely think his description of a "compulsive oddsmaker" sounds like someone for Haymitch to bounce sarcastic comments off of, so that's something to look forward to for sure.

[bambiessence]

Did Saito abuse Ferid?

An 'analysis' of their past together

The thing which made me wonder about the first question was this panel:

First of all, manipulation is also an abuse tactic, therefore Rigr surely abused Ferid in this manner. Though, I'm keen on looking at deeper stuff here regarding abuse.

Ferid likes to joke around and amuse himself by making people shocked from his eccentric words and behavior, but sometimes his jokes mean something deeper.

If you don't know what a Lolita complex is, here is an explanation:

Lolita complex is the sexual attraction towards young or pubescent girls. This term is based on “Lolita”, the book of Vladimir Nabokov; the story centers on a middle-aged man who became obsessed with his 12-year-old daughter.

For better reference, this is a more detailed summary of the novel:

Humbert is the narrator of the story. He explains his fascination and admiration towards “nymphets” which are (realistically speaking, leaving his delusions behind) simple young girls between the ages of 9-14 which are the only females he can be attracted to. He stays in the house of Charlotte haze and there he meets her daughter, Dolores Haze. (Lolita, as he nicknames her) He's obsessed with her enough to get married to her mother just to get access to Lolita. Eventually, Lolita's mother dies and therefore she becomes Humbert's step-daughter. Throughout the book, Dolores is exposed to manipulation, sexual abuse (which sadly, yes, it occurs with Humbert), physical abuse and verbal abuse. In the end, Dolores runs away from him later, meeting Humbert again when she's 17 and pregnant while she asks him for money. I won't give more spoilers from here, in case someone wants to read it.

I've also analyzed Dolores and Humbert and somehow, Lolita's story slightly reasonates with Ferid and Humbert is similar to Saito.

There's no actual proof that Rigr sexually abused Ferid, though there might be a chance that Rigr physically abused him. Violence, especially physical punishments for children, was very common and normal in the medieval times. I'm sure that Ferid was exposed to enough violence and torture in the times when he was a prince and that his parents gave him punishments for his eccentric behavior.

There's a chance that Rigr physically punished him,

Lolita was never shown what love properly feels like. Her father died when she was a kid, her mother loved her but didn't know how to properly show her that and then the only father figure she had showed her that she's only something to be desired, not loved or cared for.

Ferid was also never shown love. His parents who were royal were more preoccupied to fulfill royal duties and to teach Ferid on how to become a saint. His brother, instead of caring for his little brother who was having depressive thoughts, cared more about making him only a political pawn. Rigr most likely also took a 'liking' to Ferid since they met when he was a depressed sixteen/seventeen year old, thus he was easier to manipulate. When Ferid was older and more mature, Rigr discarded him like he was nothing. Same as how Humbert started to be more violent and find Lolita uglier as the time passed by and she grew older.

Ferid left his Hungarian kingdom when he was 16 and killed his brother and since Rigr was also leaving Wallachia (Romania) during that time, it's a possibility that they met while Ferid was heading towards the south. There's also a theory that Rigr may be Ferid's actual father, since Rigr implanted his dna in the Bathory family and also the Ichinose family. Ferid was always saying that Rigr is his father, yet Crowley never said that Ferid was his father nor the other progenitors said that the first was their father. Ferid wasn't even joking when he was calling Rigr his father, since even in the light novels he was calling him a dad and being serious, with no jokes going around.

Here, as you can see Ferid's vulnerability when Rigr pats his head, he immediately leaves. Perhaps Rigr did that gesture often when he was manipulating Ferid and that's why I assume that it bothered him so much. Rigr was obviously trying to upset him here, he knows best about his weaknesses

In conclusion, it's a possibility that Ferid's joke was corresponding with his situation, that's why he was mentioning it. Usually when he makes jokes they seem to be out of context and extremely odd but most of the time they aren't actually out of context.

[solradguy]

Hey Sol! I remember quite a while ago, someone asked you about how to get into archiving stuff and you answered with a little guide of sorts of useful programs/websites/etc.

Do you still have that guide up? Is there somewhere I can learn more in-depth about how to begin archiving too?

Tumblr search is failing me and I can't find that post now... So! I'll type it again. Lately I've been thinking about writing some kind of "archivist's manifesto" type thing for my Neocities in an effort to hype people up about archiving and to guide them on how to do it. When I write that up I'll post it here too.

Here's a big post I wrote on how to scan books and where to upload them (this is also linked in the big GG masterpost that's in my pinned): https://solradguy.tumblr.com/post/722512206034501632/sol-radguy-scanning-guide

That guide also has some tips on photo editing that may be useful for non-book scanning stuff, like some free program alternatives.

I've tried finding professional guides on how to archive media but most of them are written for people looking to archive family photos/things and not web media or physical books. None of them have been very helpful, honestly. One thing they recommend doing that I think IS helpful though is the rule of 3: Keep 3 copies of an archive somewhere. A physical hard drive, cloud storage, a second hard drive stored separately from the first (in case of accidents/hardware failure), uploaded to separate file hosts, and printing new physical copies are some. Doing any 3 of those is highly recommended. I do the two hard drives and cloud storage/file hosts ones. My hosts are generally Archive.org, Neocities, and Google Drive.

Be very careful about trusting image hosting sites with valuable scan data because they come and go like the wind. Photobucket, Tinypic, Imageshack... They're either dead or require a premium to host files now, which doesn't help hobby archivists at all. Imgur's demise is on the horizon. It's just the way it goes with these due to how expensive and space-consuming image hosting is.

Absolutely 1000% do not ever use just Discord for archiving/hosting things. Nothing on that platform can be backed up easily or with automation, and the guys that run it have already made weird choices the community didn't want while also putting more and more things behind the Nitro paywall. I suspect they're going to kneecap image and file hosting some day soon, too.

For archiving someone else's files, something that helps greatly (if it can be done) is either including the source of the file in the file's name or writing a separate document with the sources and whatever other additional information there is.

Here's a basic example of some Sol images from my Sol folder:

The first two are from the Counterside collab event and then the second two are official art but the file names are descriptive and it saves time sourcing them for things later. For archiving fan art/fiction, the filename is a good place to put the artist credit. Something like [Artwork Title]-[Artist Name]-[Original File Creation Date].format ("Sol Badguy Missing Link - Daisuke Ishiwatari - May 14 1998.jpg," or however you wanna organize the folder) works good.

Windows 11 didn't like working with Japanese text in file names for some of the Vastedge stuff I archived and I had to translate/romanize them. If you can't read Japanese/source's language, just do your best (number them instead?) and include the native language text in a .TXT file if possible.

A more complex example from the Vastedge .TXT doc:

The Vastedge materials archive is pretty dense and had a lot of contributors so the first half of the .TXT document's just credits for who did what. This is useful for if something gets lost because we'll know who to go bother about it. Among other things.

The next section is a long stack of details about the files themselves. I won't paste the whole thing here, it's pretty long. It covers how the archive came to be, issues with some of the files, how the files were obtained, and some other stuff:

The last half of the .TXT doc is a listing of the folder contents. I included this for quick reference and because sometimes archives get fractured by people only reuploading certain parts of it. Future archivists or anyone else going through this archive now have a list of what should be in there and will know if something is missing.

Archive.org/Wayback Machine has a browser extension for quickly archiving webpages. I have that and WebP / Avif Image Converter by Nullbrains (Chrome, might be on Firefox?) installed to quickly archive pages and convert image files as I save them.

In summary:

Upload/store things in multiple places

Include credits wherever you can, however is easiest for you

Try to keep files in the most widely compatible formats (jpg, gif, bmp, png, tiff, mp3, mp4, txt, pdf, flac, etc). Google's .DOC, Clip Studio Paint's .CLIP, and similar file formats meant for a specific piece of software may not be supported in the future.

A bad/incomplete archive is better than no archive at all. Consider how exciting Sappho poetry fragments are compared to what it would be like if we didn't have anything. Don't worry about making it "perfect."

Hope that helps some!! I'll try to write the manifesto for my NC soon

[ca-suffit]

How do you rationalize the violence of the characters on this show? Imo, it's easier when it's self defense or when they're just killing to feed, specially the latter since most are just extras and we don't get to know or be attached to those characters. But there are more complicated cases, including physical and psychological abuse and literally everybody has been the abused and the abuser at some point. Not to/with each other, but definitely other people. There is power imbalance in all of the dynamics. Some may forget that since they keep jumping through timelines where things are perfectly okay or they're closer to making amends and making up. And also because the actors are friends and have chemistry on screen (speaking about the whole cast, not any duo in particular). But technically all main characters have abused each other. Nobody is "safe". So, where to draw the line? Psychological abuse? Physical abuse? The severity of the action (like continuously torturing someone who can't respond or match your strength is definitely worse than one punch, for example)? The frequency of the action, like, as long as it happened once it's okay? When a character is still redeemable/forgivable giving the fact they are immortals, so, in theory, they have eternity to better themselves and see if they can make it work? Or should they all be narratively punished (end up alone, suffering, locked up, dead etc)? What are your thoughts? Btw, I'm genuinely asking. I've become obsessed with this show recently and I haven't been able to talk about it with a lot of people, but I have these questions in my mind. Personally, the more I think about it, the less I know, tbh. It's part of why I love the show and I'm asking, btw. I want to see if I reach some conclusion lol. P.S. I understand if you can't/don't want to answer and I'm sorry this got too long. And if you do answer, feel free to make it long as well if you want, even if you want to make comparisons, add interviews etc. I love reading people's takes hehe. Anywa, thanks!

I don't try to rationalize it tbh. I think that's a goal of the show and the original books as well. What are u supposed to do if u have to "endure" each other forever? What still holds meaning if ur all immortal, how do u have relationships, hobbies, not get bored? Especially when everyone is born from trauma and sometimes that trauma was yesterday and sometimes it was 1000 years ago or 5000 years ago from a society u don't understand at all. How do u bring together so many ppl like that and not erupt on each other?

Trauma and mental illness and whatever else is not always pretty. Violent reactions to things are common and, at least in a society where punitive justice is the norm, we get used to putting these things in these boxes. "u did this bad thing so now ur going to jail / hell." The eternal question of the VC books is where do vampires belong, anyway? Where do they go when they die and for what reasons? Anne Rice never gives a v clear answer on this and it's not just bcuz she wasn't a good writer, the point rly is to just ask the questions. We don't have these answers as humans now, we can't confirm or deny if there's an afterlife and whether these things we do matter for a "soul" or not. We create social rules for many reasons but even those are not actually built on the back of "justice" the way ppl are made to think they are.

I don't think these stories are asking u to find a true "good" or "bad" character or characters. I think we're just meant to watch their choices and reflect on them, reflect on our reactions to them. The fandom's desire for Louis to have done something to "deserve" the drop is all about racism and nothing else. They blame Claudia for "manipulating" Louis into killing Lestat bcuz a black girl is never allowed to be a victim either. She's not even a girl to them anyway, adultification of black girls is another angle they use all the time ("she doesn't look 14 to me!"). They'll say look what Louis did to goad Lestat into fighting him more but they'll never say look what Lestat did to hurt Claudia and push her to that point, as someone who was acting as her parent for most of their lives together. That's always "ooc Lestat." What's happening on screen is a rorschach test for us as the audience and as individuals.

Like I wrote, I don't believe in punitive justice, so I don't think long term these stories are going to focus on that much. The trial was a sham to begin with and Lestat was never "rly" dead or meant to be gone forever. They're going to hurt each other and isolate each other in different ways, but if the show wants to focus on any real character growth, it needs to focus on ways the characters can learn to understand each other instead of banishing / killing each other. Relationships take real work like this too. Anne Rice could never write any of this but I'm hoping the show does. Seeing Lestat have awareness of the pain he caused Louis and the reasons he did it fr was a step in the direction I was hoping the show would go. The big question *is* how does a relationship recover from that? For immortals? How will it make others feel too, particularly Armand, if Louis and Lestat get back together? Will Armand reflect on his own abuse too? They all have a lot in common and they all want to be loved. If that's brought out into the open and treated with kindness and understanding, then the desire to maim and kill each other will greatly diminish tbh. Everything these vampires do to each other originates from a place of personal pain, feeling unlovable. "love is a monster" is one of the taglines for a reason.

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Winter Wolf: Part 16

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, angst

Word Count: 5,180

A/N: Finally got the muse to finish this story! YAY!

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Defense would like to call it’s first witness- Tony Stark.” Mike said first thing in the morning on day three, after spending the first two completely annihilating every witness the prosecution had in only a matter of minutes each. The jury all exchanged glances since you were on trial for killing Howard and Maria, and they were a little confused as to why Tony would be the one defending you. You did everything you could to control your smile as the bailiff brought in a TV from the back, because you knew if Tony had anything to do with that, the courtroom was in for a wild ride.

“Mr. Stark.” Mike said as he picked up his massive brief case and set it on the table.

“Mr. Young.”

“I’m just going to jump right in here and address the elephant in the room. You are here as a witness on behalf of my client, correct?”

“That is correct.” Tony said with a nod as he leaned back in his chair and got comfortable.

“But... my client is being charged with the murder of your parents, Howard and Maria.”

“Yea. The Wolf definitely did it.”

“And you know that for a fact?” Mike asked, making the smile fall slightly from your face.

“Oh, absolutely, I have proof.” Tony confirmed as he sat up and tapped his glasses.

“Defense exhibit 9.” Mike said as Tony commandeered the court’s TV. You looked down at your hands and took a deep breath because you didn’t want to watch the video, but you looked up when the ‘Good Night Moon’ song started playing instead.

“Wait, that’s the wrong one.” He said with a glance over at you since his mistake was intentional. “Technology can be so tricky. Here it is.” He sat back in his spot and looked directly at you with a reassuring smile as the security video from the night of December 16th, 1991. You knew no one else in the room could hear it but you, but you teared up gratefully as the very, very subtle melody of Ana’s song played underneath the video for you, and you alone. As the jury gasped and cringed away, Tony simply kept your eyes on his for your own sanity, and slowly nodded his head, telling you that everything was going to be OK.

“Now that must have been excruciating to watch the first time.” Mike asked when the video went black, and Tony nodded as he looked over at him. “What was your reaction to it?”

“I’m not proud of it today, but I punched her. Then I kicked her out of my house and I may have even mentally plotted her demise for a minute.”

“But then you brought her home.” Mike said as he pulled a massive file of of his bag and set it on the table. “In fact, you even sought out, and purchased her late husband’s plantation and are currently financing the reconstruction and refurbishment of said property, isn’t that right? Defense 10.” Mike said as he passed out copies of Green Pebble Hill’s current deed, and receipts for the money Tony had put into so far.

“It’s a beautiful plantation, and the house will be even more so.”

“But that doesn’t make sense. Why would you do something so generous for someone that murdered your parents?”

“Because I did my research.” Tony said simply which made Mike turn around with an award winning smile that made you realize that this moment was the one he had been waiting for for weeks.

“Defense exhibits eleven through four hundred and sixteen.” He said as he pulled out an actually bound book with tabs sticking out of the side. “I only have one physical copy, Your Honor, but I do have a quick notes type slide show available for the jury.”

“I’ll allow it.” She said as she took the book, while Everett simply sat back in his chair, completely defeated, despite not even being close to the end of the trial.

“Now Mr. Stark...” Mike said as he put his hard drive into the TV and grabbed the remote off the stand. “Where did you start this research and why?”

“I started it to find answers.” Tony stated as he rocked himself back and forth in the chair. “And I started with the HYDRA files Natasha Romanoff leaked in 2014.”

“And what did you find?”

“I found the mother load.” Tony said as Mike pulled up the first page. “I found HYDRA’s notes dating all the way back to 1931 regarding ‘Project X’ and subsequently, the ‘Winter Wolf’.”

“And what is that, exactly?”

“It was an experiment meant for finding one specific mutant to turn them in to an assassin for HYDRA’s use.”

“Can you tell us more?”

“Oh, can I ever.” Tony said as he sat up like an excited kid on Christmas. “‘Project X’ required a mutant with any type of powers that was capable of withstanding having the metal, adamantium bonded to their skeleton.”

“And with all your research on those notes, what kind of mutant where they needing specifically?” Mike asked as he flipped to the next slide and slowly walked back over to the table so that the jury would be forced to see your reaction to this line of questioning.

“They needed someone that is incapable of dying that can also self heal.”

“And why’s that?” Mike asked, setting Tony up for the land slide.

“Because adamantium must be kept at 1,500 degrees Fahrenheit to stay in a liquid form so that it can be sent through dozens of tiny needles straight into the mutant’s body into their bones. Brutal stuff.” The room gasped as the heat from that day radiated throughout your body for a brief moment. 

“What did you find next?”

“Well once they found that mutant, they had to figure out what she was capable of before she could be converted. Can she regenerate limbs? Which she obviously can’t.” He said as he gestured to you while Mike flipped his slide. “How quickly can she self heal from gun shots, stab wounds, deep lacerations, and such. Is she able to fight, and if not, can it be taught. And was it even possible to brainwash someone that could self heal at all? Within a few months, they found out the answers to all of those questions. And it wasn’t just HYDRA running these tests... it started with members of the United States government.” Tony went on for over an hour explaining every single thing he found in English in your file that detailed what you had gone through in the decades that HYDRA held you captive. And once he had finished, and without having to even ask when he was done, you knew exactly who Mike was calling to the stand next.

“Now, Ms. Romanoff.” Mike said once your ex was sworn in. “You not only did research with Mr. Stark to differentiate Dr. Barnes from the Winter Wolf, but you also knew her personally in multiple capacities, isn’t that right?”

“That is correct.” Not said as she forced herself to keep her eyes on your lawyer so she wouldn’t cross anymore lines with you even though you were looking down at the table.

“Can you tell the court of your personal encounters with Dr. Barnes?”

“She was brought into the Red Room where I was trained to be an assassin to assist in combat skills... and she was also my lover.” You both looked up at each other at the same time, as a murmur raced through the jurors box, which Mike completely ignored.

“And I know it will be hard... but can you tell the court what consequences being her lover lead to?” Simultaneously, you both turned away from the other and you quickly started screaming ‘Good Night, Moon’ in your head while Natasha described in detail your relationship in Russia. You were eternally grateful that even the Wolf blocked out the details of the hours of torture she had to sit through as a consequence, but it still didn’t stop your mind from reliving them all over again all the same.

“I’m deeply sorry that you both had to go through that.” Mike breathed as he slowly walked over to the table and purposely bumped it the way Tony had previously instructed to jar you from your thoughts before the Wolf took control. He glanced down at you to make sure you were OK for a moment, before looking back up at Nat to continue. “So let’s move on to the research. As we learned from Mr. Stark, half of it was in Russian, and since you speak the language fluently, you were the one that translated. What did you learn?”

“The major thing I found was the detailed plans of every single hit the Winter Wolf had, down to the most minute detail that the agents of HYRDA had prepared so their assassin could complete her missions properly.“ Mike nodded his head as he hit ‘play’ on the remote so that all of those documents would flip through in the background.

“So as far as you saw, not a single one of these assassinations were chosen, thought out, or prepared by Dr. Barnes or the Winter Wolf herself?”

“Not a single one.”

“And you have gotten to know Dr. Barnes personally, not just when she was out of cryogenic sleep, training you in the Red Room, but after the fact when she moved into the Stark tower in 2016. In your honest opinion, do you believe that the woman in this room, the woman far away from HYDRA’s control, the wife, and mother we see before us is capable of committing these murders if it hadn’t been for HYDRA’s control?” Natasha shook her head and looked over at you with barely a hint of tears in her eyes, but also a tight lipped smile that spoke volumes.

“No. (Y/N) is one of the kindest, most gentle people I know. She wouldn’t hurt a fly. Especially after everything she has gone though in her lifetime.”

“Thank you, Ms. Romanoff. That is all I have.” She nodded her head and kept eye contact for a minute longer, before forcing her self to look at Everett as he got up in a vain attempt to destroy her character before lunch.

——

The next three days were much of the same for you- sheer torture. You were forced to listen to Steve go on and on about the woman he knew before and after HYDRA’s kidnapping. You had to sit through Bruce’s explanation of living with “the other guy” and his struggles and triumphs. You had to listen to Bucky and Wanda both gush about what an amazing woman, wife, and mother you had become… but it didn’t stop your mind from wandering to all the torment you were going to have to relive once it was your turn to take the stand. 

The weekend was rough, seeing you jump at the littlest things. The only thing keeping you calm was Ana, who was officially able to talk your ear off with her collection of a few dozen words- ‘Ana' being her favorite. Everything was ‘Ana ball’, ‘Ana toy’, or ‘Ana mama’, which made you smile more than you believed possible. But Monday still drew nearer and your fate was believed to be set in stone no matter how much you wanted to believe otherwise. 

“You need to go to Wakanda.” You told Bucky on a regular basis over the course of the two day weekend, but he stubbornly refused to listen to you.

“You are going to be cleared of all charges, don’t worry.” He’d say as he’d chase after your daughter around the suite. 

“You still need to go to Wakanda.”

——

“The defense calls Dr. (Y/N) Barnes.” You couldn’t stop yourself from fiddling with the material of your dress as you were sworn in and seated in the stand, but you looked up at the crowd of Avengers that were able to sit and support you since they all had testified on your behalf already. You knew, once again, that no one could hear it, but the sound of ‘Good Night, Moon’ was unmistakable to you. Like a dog whistle to a dog. Tony met your eyes and nodded as he let it play on repeat, while Mike leaned against the table in front of you, settling in for a long day.

“Good morning, Dr. Barnes.”

“Good morning.”

“Shall we just jump right in?” You nodded and whispered yes as years of abuse slammed into the forefront of your mind, even making the Wolf cringe in response. “Let’s start with an easy one. Did the Wolf kill all the people you are being charged with?”

“Yes.” You whispered, before clearing your throat, nodding, and repeating yourself loud enough for the room to hear. “Yes, she did.”

“And were you forced to be the Wolf by HYDRA?”

“Yes, I was.”

“Is she here today?” He asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“She is.”

“And can we meet her?” You startled the slightest bit as the Wolf laughed in your mind, and you admittedly shook your head.

“No. No one will meet her ever again.”

“Very good.” He said as he stood up straight and turned the TV in the room back on, so that the jury could see the documents about the Winter Wolf once more. “Now, Dr. Barnes. Let’s get into the harder stuff.” With a heavy sigh, you nodded your head and folded your hands in your lap, painfully gripping your fingers together so tight they might have broke, if that were at all possible. “How did you find yourself under HYDRA’s rule?” You cringed at the memory of Little Stevie and your discussion and looked up at the man in question.

“Why not put someone on the front line that can’t die, right, Stevie?” You asked, which made him nod his head and smile softly at you. With another sigh, you ran your fingers through your hair and started talking. 

Once the floodgates opened, it was impossible for you to stop them. You spilled every single thing HYDRA did to you, and the Wolf even helped supply things that you didn’t even remember before that moment. It was almost like she was working with you to fight against HYDRA’s rule over the pair of you. Mike asked carefully placed questions, guiding you through your life story, but for the most part, he let you describe years of torture, killings, and abuse you faced at the hands of monsters. You could see the stunned faces of the jury out of the corner of your eye, but you stayed focused straight a head, on the cellphone in Tony’s lap, that was playing ‘Good Night, Moon’ over, and over, and over again. It was your life line to sanity, because the memories that were pouring out of your mouth were threatening to drag you under and let the Wolf out at any moment. 

“Let’s take a break for lunch.” The judge said after you had given explicit details of killing your sixth target. 

“You doing OK?” Bucky asked as you sat back down at the defense table, but you shook your head and looked directly at Tony.

“Don’t stop playing that song.”

“Never.” He replied as he turned the song up a click so you could hear it over the rumble of voices in the court room. With a nod and a sigh of relief, you closed your eyes and sat back in your chair, just listening and quieting the voices in your head. 

——

Three days. It took three days to officially document the 97 kills the Winter Wolf was responsible for. Your tears for their deaths had long since dried up and you were emotionally numb. The only thread of your sanity you held onto was because of Ana’s song that Tony hadn’t stopped playing for you for a moment in those three days. But your life was about to get so much worse.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Barnes.” Everett Ross said in a smarmy tone as he moved to stand in between you and your view of the Avengers. 

“Mr. Ross.” You replied shortly with a nod. 

“So over the past three days, you admitted to killing 97 people in your existence on this Earth.”

“Forced.” You responded, which made him bristle.

“You killed 97 people, didn’t you, Dr. Barnes?” He repeated with a glance at the jury.

“I was forced to kill 97 people, yes.” You said simply, trying to get under his skin the way he was. 

“How can we know for sure that you were forced to do so?” You wanted to stay quiet so bad, but after he repeated the question, you let your proverbial claws fly.

“Sir, I was beaten, cut, tortured, burned, shot, electrocuted, and abused at the hands of monsters far greater than you for decades. I assure you, I was forced.”

“And how do we know that you won’t and haven’t killed since the supposed last kill you did quote “for HYDRA”?”

“Because I am not that person anymore.”

“And how do we know that?!” He demanded loudly. Anger boiled in your veins but before you could react, Bucky said ‘Anastasia’ under his breath just loud enough that you could hear him. You met his eyes for only a moment as Ross shifted his weight on his feet, and you took a deep breath to respond. 

“Sir, I have been alive for almost two hundred years. I celebrated my one hundredth and seventy seventh birthday this year. I am an Avenger, a wife, and a mother. I am not a killer. I have nightmares…”

“Objection, answer the question.” Ross tried to interrupt, but you simply continued.

“…of those people I was forced to kill almost nightly. I wake up in a cold sweat, sometimes screaming…”

“Objection, answer the quest…”

“I am answering your question!” You screamed as you stood up from the chair and glared at him. “You are the one not listening. I am not a killer. I made an oath to do no harm when I became a doctor in the early 1900’s. I made an unofficial oath to protect the people of this world from all enemies, foreign and domestic when I became an Avenger. If I really wanted to kill someone, I wouldn’t have done those things. I would have used the skills HYDRA beat into me to avoid detection like I did when I was under HYDRA’s thumb and kept on killing after HYDRA’s fall. I was a ghost, Mr. Ross. I am CHOOSING to not live that life anymore. And at this point in my existence, it is my choice to make.” Ross looked a little too stunned for words and you could see the jury shaking beside you as you sat back down in your chair. You went to adjust your shirt for something to do with your hands, but finally noticed that your claws had come out in your anger. You retracted them quickly and flushed hard as a smile stretched across Everett’s face.

“No further questions.” He said, cryptically as he walked over and took a seat. You groaned to yourself and covered your face with your hands for a moment before getting up to go back to the defense table.

“It’s alright.” Mike said softly as he reached out to take your hand to give it a gentle squeeze, but you quickly pulled away from him to cover your red face again. The judge called for a recess until the next day for closing arguments, and you shook your head as tears welled in your eyes.

“They have to convict me now.” You breathed as you stood up to go back to your jail cell hotel room for the night.

“Not a chance in hell.” Mike stated, overconfidently, which only made you shake your head as you took Bucky’s hand.

“You need to go to Wakanda, now.” You tried again, but your husband shook his head.

“We aren’t there yet.” He claimed, but you and the Wolf did not agree one bit.

——

“How long does this usually take?” Steve asked as you sat in the court room on day 5 of jury deliberations.

“It can take anywhere from a few minutes, to as long as they need.” Mike said to you as he looked up from his phone to the group of you that were sitting around, waiting for the jury to come back with a verdict. “Days, weeks… eventually, if they can’t come to an agreement it may go to a mistrial.”

“Goddamn it…” You groaned as you sat back in your chair and covered your face with your hands. “Never should have gotten that angry.”

“You’re going to be alright, doll.” Bucky tried as he reached over the partition and squeezed your shoulder as the bailiff finally said the jury was ready. Your stomach dropped and you sat up in your chair as the judge told the bailiff to bring the jury in. Every moment felt like an eternity, but before you knew it, you were standing beside Mike as the jury foreman opened the paper in his hand.

“On the charges of murder of the first degree of Howard Stark, how do you find?”

“We, the jury, find the defendant… not guilty.” The air rushed out of your lungs and you instantly collapsed back in your seat as the judge called out the next murder case you were being charged with.

“Not guilty”

“Not guilty”

“Not guilty”

“Not guilty”

Over and over again, the jury called out a “not guilty” verdict and you couldn’t believe your ears. Tears poured down your face and relief filled your soul to the brim as your whole world rightened once again. When the last “not guilty” verdict was read, you turned in your spot and wrapped your husband in your arms and cried into his shoulder as he simply rubbed your back and whispered sweet reassurances in your ear. You didn’t hear the rest of anything that was said, other than that the case against you was dismissed. The second the gavel dropped, you were over the partition and practically dragging Bucky out of the room.

“Easy, doll.” Bucky laughed as he pulled back on your hand so you would slow down. You shook your head but paused just long enough to get your ankle monitor off. 

“I need my daughter, and I need to get the hell out of here.”

“We’re going.” He promised as you adjusted your pants leg. “We can go anywhere you want to go, I promise.”

“I just want to go home.” You breathed with tears in your eyes as you stopped to search his face.

“Then home it is.”

~~~~~~~~~ 

Once you were home safe in Stark Tower, you couldn’t get the man’s face out of your head that pointed a gun at your daughter. So you did what any rational person would have done- you hunted him down. 

Brett Miller was a single man, living in Maryland outside of DC with no family, no pets, no friends or even close neighbors- nothing that would lead you to believe that anyone would come looking for the Winter Wolf if you went through with what you wanted to. Bucky saw the feral look in your eyes when you were doing your research and surprisingly didn’t say anything to try to stop you. But someone did have something to say.

“The fuck are you doing here, Natasha?” You asked under your breath as you hid in the bushes behind Miller’s house at three in the morning.

“You’re not going in alone.” She whispered as she slid between two trees, dressed in her Black Widow outfit.

“Fuck off.” You grumbled as you stood up and silently crept toward the back door with a small duffle bag of things you would need on your shoulder. Your full Winter Wolf get up felt like a second skin and you let her take over your mind for a moment, but Natasha grabbed your arm and pulled you back into the shadows.

“Let me help you.” She hissed, as you yanked your arm free of her grip.

“Go to hell.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I’m helping whether you like it or not.” She breathed as she walked past you to disable Miller’s security alarm and cameras. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes and follow her. After a few moments she nodded her head and gestured you forward.

“I don’t need fucking back up.” You tried as you walked over and unlocked the back door, but your temporary partner simply shushed you. With another eye roll, you silently snuck into the house and headed upstairs where Miller was sleeping. He was only in a pair of boxers, sleeping spread eagle in the middle of his bed, and you quickly moved over and started tying him to the bed. Nat saw what you were doing and helped, making sure Brett didn’t escape once he woke up. His eyes bulged when you slapped him awake, and he instantly scrambled to get away when he saw you looming over his bed. 

“You fucked up, Brett.” You said evenly through the mask that hid the lower part of your face. “You pointed a gun at my child. And no one points a gun at my child and lives to tell the tale.”

“P-p-please…” His words stopped abruptly when you pulled the knife strapped to your thigh out of the holster and held it up to his throat.

“P-p-p… man up. You know what you did.” You went to drag the blade across his throat to start his torture, but the Wolf froze just long enough for your senses to be slammed with the ‘Good Night, Moon’ song. You whipped around and looked at Natasha, who looked unapologetic as she held her phone up with the song playing softly.

“You don’t have to do this.” She said softly as she searched what she could see of your eyes through the goggles you had on. “Ana wouldn’t want this.”

“Take her name out of your fucking mouth.” You hissed back as you looked back down at your mark, who was looking between the pair of you with wide eyes.

“Don’t do this, (Y/N).” With a loud growl, you pulled the gun from your hip and pointed it at her, but that was the wrong move to make. In the split second you turned away, Natasha put a bullet in Brett Miller’s forehead for you. You froze and looked at her in complete shock, but she simply shrugged. “You are not the Winter Wolf any more. You are a mother, and a wife. You don’t need the blood on your hands or the nightmares of a kill anymore than you already have.”

“You had no right.”

“I know.” She said with a nod as she started untying Brett’s body from the bed. “But you deserve a life of happiness. Not one of violence. Go home to your family, (Y/N). I’ve got it from here.”

“Natasha…”

“I said go.” She repeated, which made you sigh and concede. You put your weapons away and packed the rope back up as she headed down stairs and severed the gas line behind the stove. The pair of you slipped out of the house and ran to your respective cars as the house blew up behind you. Your mind raced all the way back to the Tower, and you ignored the dozen calls you got from your temporary partner on the way. It wasn’t until you were home again, did you speak to anyone.

“How’d it go?” Bucky asked quietly as he sat on the bed, watching TV and just waiting for you to come home.

“Natasha killed him.”

“Say what now?” He asked as he looked over at you with his eyebrows raised. “Natasha went with you?”

“Natasha followed me to Miller’s.” You sighed as you started stripping out of your gear. “She took the kill shot when I hesitated.”

“Oh, baby…”

“I was gunna do it, you know.” You snapped angrily. “It was my kill to take.”

“And she didn’t want the blood on your hands.” Natasha said as she walked into your room, completely uninvited. You scowled as she stopped just in the door way and crossed her arms over her chest. “You can hate me all you want, my star, but I will always, always protect you. I will always love you and nothing you say or do will make me stop. But we both know that had you go through with that as Dr. (Y/N) Barnes and not the Winter Wolf, you never would have forgiven yourself for it. You never would have been able to look Ana in the face again without feeling guilty. I didn’t want that for you. So I took the shot. And I’d do it all over again to protect you. You are not the Winter Wolf anymore.” With a small nod, she turned on her heel and went to leave the room, but you sighed and rolled your eyes.

“Thank you.” She paused and looked back over her shoulder at you with a small nod.

“You’re welcome.” With one more glance at Bucky, she turned back around and headed back to her room to go to bed after a long couple days of driving. You groaned loudly and went to run your fingers through your hair, but it was still braided down your back.

“Get it off.” You huffed as you looked down at your outfit and felt your stomach turn. “Bucky help me…”

“OK, OK.” He said as he leapt to his feet and helped you get your old uniform off. When you were standing in just your underwear, you burst into tears and collapsed into his arms.

“I couldn’t do it.” You sobbed as you let him lead you over to the bed. “I froze. I couldn’t do it.”

“It’s OK, doll. It’s all over. It’s OK.” He kept whispering the same sweet nothings over and over as you cried, until there wasn’t anymore tears to shed.

“She was right.” You whispered as you hid your face against his throat. “I’m not the Winter Wolf anymore.”

“I know.” He agreed as he ran his fingers up and down your bare back. “And that’s OK.” It took a moment or two for those words to really sink in before you sat up and looked at him with red, puffy eyes.

“I’m not the Winter Wolf anymore.” You repeated with a small smile and a shake of your head. “I’m just (Y/N). I’m a mother, a wife, and a good person. I’m not the Winter Wolf anymore.” He smiled and cupped your jaw in his hand with a nod of agreement. 

“No, baby girl. You’re the love of my life. You are definitely not the Winter Wolf anymore.”

The End.

[ameliabedilia]

🌷The Importance of Lowering the Gaze🌷

by Asma bint Shameem

BOTH men and women are expected to be chaste and modest and avoid any kind of behavior that may invite temptation.

BOTH are instructed to look only at what is lawful for them to see and to guard their chastity. 

Allaah commands the men first and then the women in the Qur’aan, to lower their gaze.

🍃Allaah says:

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allaah is acquainted with what they do.

And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity and not display their beauty except what [must ordinarily] appear thereof; and to wrap part of their head covers over their chests and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons.” 

al-Noor 24:31]

🍃Imaam Ibn Katheer said:

“This is a command from Allaah to His believing slaves to lower their gaze and refrain from looking at that which is forbidden to them.

So they should not look at anything except that which they are permitted to look at, and they should lower their gaze and refrain from looking at forbidden things.

If it so happens that a person’s gaze accidentally falls upon something forbidden, he should quickly avert his gaze.”

(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/282)

🍃Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allaah Radhi Allaahu anhu said:

“I asked the Messenger of Allaah Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam about a sudden glance, and he commanded me to avert my gaze.”

(Saheeh Muslim, 2159)

🍃Imaam al-Nawawi said:

“What is meant by a “sudden glance” is when a person’s glance unintentionally falls upon a non-mahram woman. There is no sin on him for the first glance, but he must avert his gaze immediately.

If he averts his gaze immediately there is no sin on him, but if he continues looking, then he will be a sinner, because of this hadeeth, for the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alayhi wa Sallam commanded him to avert his gaze, and Allaah says:

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)”

[al-Noor 24:30]

Men must lower their gaze and refrain from looking at them in all circumstances, unless that is for a valid shar’i reason, such as giving testimony, medical treatment, wanting to propose marriage, buying a slave woman, engaging in financial transactions such as buying and selling, etc. In all these cases it is permissible to look as much as is needed, and no more.”

(Sharh Muslim, 14/139)

🔺How to lower your gaze:

1️⃣ Know and believe with *certainty* that Allaah is watching us.

He sees us and is with us (by His knowledge) wherever we go.

*Nothing* escapes Him.

It is recorded in our book of deeds.

And we will have to answer to Allaah for each and every word and deed even if no one knew about it.

🍃Allaah says:

“Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal”

[Ghaafir 40:19]

🍃And Allaah says:

“But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of mankind) to watch you,

Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your deeds),

They know all that you do”

[al-Infitaar 82:10-12]

2️⃣ Make duaa to Allaah and ASK him to help you lower the gaze and not look at anything that’s forbidden.

If you’re sincere in your duaa, He will definitely help you.

3️⃣ Know that your eyes are one of the biggest blessings of Allaah upon you.

And part of thanking Allaah for those blessings is to use these eyes and other faculties in His obedience and keep them away from all that’s forbidden.

🍃 Ibn al-Qayyim said:

“Gratitude should be:

in the heart, in submission and humility; 

on the tongue, in praise and acknowledgement; 

and in the physical faculties, by means of obedience and submission.”

(Madaarij al-Saalikeen (2/246)

4️⃣ Work hard in controlling your gaze and keep training yourself until you master it.

🍃 The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allaah will make him patient…”

(al-Bukhaari, 1400)

5️⃣ Don’t go to places where you know inappropriately dressed women will be present like the mall or the beach or weddings or other places unless it’s necessary.

🍃 The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Beware of sitting in the street.”

They said, “We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk.”

He said, “If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights.”

They said, “What are the rights of the street?”

He said, “Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…”

(al-Bukhaari 2333, Muslim 2121).

6️⃣ Keep yourself busy with good deeds, dhikr and ibaadaat. And pay special attention to the five daily prayers.

🍃 Allaah says:

“Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahshaa’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”

[al-‘Ankaboot 29:45]

🍃 And Allaah said:

“… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory (naafil) works so that I shall love him.

And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks.

Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.”

(al-Bukhaari, 6137

7️⃣ Keep good company.

Your righteous friends will help you to obey Allaah.

🍃 The Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam said:

“A man is upon the ways of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.” 

(Abu Dawood - hasan by al-Albaani)

And that’s why the Prophet sal Allaahu Alayhi wa sallam warned us from making friends with those that are not religious or righteous. 

🍃 He Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam said:

“Do not keep company with anyone but a believer and do not let anyone eat your food but one who is pious.” 

(al-Tirmidhi, 2395; Abu Dawood, 4832; hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 2519)

8️⃣ Get married and fast frequently.

🍃 The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Whoever can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.”

(al-Bukhaari 1806, Muslim 1400).

And there are other ways.

And Allaah knows best

[buckybarnesss]

on fire: a teen wolf novel chapters 14-16 chapters 10-13 here chapters 7-9 here chapters 4-6 here chapters 1-3 here

annnndddd i'm back with another installment of on fire. we're in the home stretch now as the next three chapters will cover the end of the novel.

this section took me some time because 1. i do not care that the whittermores were robbed and 2. there's two long, detailed flashbacks with kate and derek that i found difficult to get through.

speaking of.

as always kate argent is her own warning but just in case i will be talking about those flashbacks so warnings for grooming and rape.

me this entire chapter:

we open this chapter back on lydia. who is now tied up by Thing One and Thing Two. she specifies she’s tied to a Louis XIV gilt wooden chair.  now lydia says it's antique but pssft mrs. whittermore totally got a reproduction because she's new money trying to pretentiously pretend she has class. the whittermores always give "his wife covered the house in chintz so to keep it real i fuck him on the floor" energy. 

lydia goes on to describe the robbery and look, i don’t really care about this. let them get robbed. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lydia also gets to have her own little flow chart to show just how smart she is:

we move from lydia being a hostage to hunter gramm (we learn this is not his real name. his real name is bailey) plotting how to dispose of jackson. cassie doesn't want jackson to get hurt so she pleads for him to just dump jackson somewhere and escape to mexico like they had planned. bailey isn't listening though because he gets a phone call.

cassie is trying very hard to keep jackson’s dumbass alive as they listen to bailey have a conversation with one of the goons back at the house. he realizes they have lydia and he’s afraid for her. chich is sweet. honestly their behavior and thoughts towards each other throughout the book have been very in line with their toxicity in the show. caring is not a weakness, oof.

we’re back in hell -- oops -- i mean another flashback to six years ago with kate and derek.

remember i read this so you don’t have to. 🤮🤮

kate gave derek something to eat or drink i think was laced with something that makes him sick to his stomach and he goes to throw up in her bathroom. 

i just want to wrap derek up in bubble wrap and keep kate away from him forever and ever. 

derek’s a ball of anxiety throughout all this. he wants to appear grown up for kate and impress her. he doesn’t want her to see him like the child he actually is.

derek spends about a paragraph waxing poetic about werewolves. he calls his pack his “moonborn family” and i like that sentiment actually.

what I don’t like is “like wolves, werewolves mate for life.”  this may be a Me Thing but i’ve never been overly fond of the whole mate concept within fandom. i just thank my lucky stars it's not canon.

there’s a moment when derek’s about to leave kate’s apartment where she moves to kiss him and GIRL HE THREW UP. YOU KNEW HE DID. YOU SET HIM UP FOR IT. YOU NASTY.

derek leaves and he’s just swimming in anxiety and insecurity over the “date” with kate. he feels like a loser because he wants to be Grown Up and have sex. he physically starts to jog away from her place. it’s like his body knows what his mind isn’t even entertaining. that she's a predator and he shouldn't be doing anything with her in private.

derek runs and ends up outside of beacon hills hospital where he sees the stilinskis. little stiles, his father and the unnamed claudia stilinski. i couldn’t make this up if i tried. this is such a classic trope. 

of course in canon by the time of the hale fire claudia had been deceased for a year but we don't find that out until season 3 so it can be forgiven.

he observes them. holder gives a clear reference to what a lot of fandom assumed before it was revealed that mrs. stilinski actually had FTD and went with the idea that she had cancer referencing remission. he notices how nervous stiles is and how it reflects his own nerves. 

this brings derek to the idea that humans can get sick, they decay and die. it freaks him out. which, okay, i guess since this version of derek doesn’t spend a lot of time around humans so he’s not used to the concept of mortality of others or himself.

this new fixation drives derek back to kate’s as he's overcome with worry for her. he's become a ball of confused hormones but when he arrives he overhears her talking to someone. it's clearly another hunter but only the audience knows that and derek's uncurious ass accepts it's not his business as he regains himself and turns to go but he bumps into a trash can making noise. this of course brings kate out. she's wearing a satin robe 🤮 and she puts on her concerned face and offers to let him shower and says she has an extra tooth brush. god, i hate her.

this chapter ends with the words: “and ms. argent shut the night out, and brought him into her den.” rage. what i feel is rage.

the next chapter comes back to the present day with lydia being rescued by danny and damon. the pair had gotten danny’s lacrosse gear and broke a window. lydia took her chance and ran out. 

man, that was actually an awesome utilization of danny. smart, clever and quick. wish we could’ve seen something like this in the show. jeff.

it cuts back to jackson who is listening to cassie try to bargain with bailey to leave jackson alive. bailey doesn’t want to leave any loose ends. like, my guy. the plan has fallen apart and you want to catch a murder charge too?

jackson just can’t catch a break this entire time. cassie and jackson attempt at an escape from the van when bailey is distracted. it ends as you’d expect. cassie gets shot because bailey is a fucking idiot, the van crashes. it’s a mess. glass everywhere, the smell of smoke and gas. jackson’s still handcuffed and cassie is in terrible shape. 

in the midst of this lydia has called 911 and is speaking to a dispatcher who's trying to help them. it's helpful but not helpful enough.

in the middle of THIS chaos holder sends us six years into the past again ---  well. i think we can guess what’s coming, can’t we? 

while I appreciate the world building that holder does as she tries to at least give some ritual and culture to the werewolves that’s specific to them. i cannot help but laugh at how she makes it french in connection when really the argents get the emphasis on their french origins. hell, even a quick google search gives up some results on the origin of the surname hale. i find the connection to st edmund interesting (he is the patron saint of torture victims, wolves and protection from the plague. jeff davis i see you.)

peter has a motorcycle that he lets derek borrow???? this feels incorrect. i cannot imagine peter sharing his toys.

i loathe laura’s characterization and it's such a shame this is really the only character she gets that is connected even tenuously to canon. laura is depicted as being aware of derek’s involvement with kate. she's a bit hesitant but not disapproving or overly concerned. she's kept it a secret. derek and laura have a discussion about the possibility of kate receiving the bite and laura even says, “maybe she’s doing a cougar on you.” like, this is just deeply fucked and bothers me so damn much. not only did canonically laura never knew about kate and derek's relationship but i hate how she's just acting like this is something normal.

derek mentions he gave kate a ring as a token of affection that he bought with money peter gave him in exchange for doing a few errands.

derek goes on to describe going home with kate and he’s so, so blinded by his affection for her that i just feel sick reading this.

the important part of this scene is derek whispers that he loves her while she’s asleep and goes to leave after showing but he forgot his backpack. he goes back and creeps back inside her bedroom. like he’s fucking edward cullen or some shit.

SHE IS A RAPIST AND THIS ALL MAKES ME UPSET.

though i have questions about what the fuck this means “he wanted to make love to her as a werewolf.” what in the furry hell?

[chunkypossum]

Hello!

Inspired answers all around. I agree with all of your assessments. You are so smart. Thank you for taking the time to give me such thorough responses! If you ever feel that you lack the energy to respond, or find me annoying, feel free to ignore them. Although that won't stop me in my quest to become your best friend.

To the anon: Go for it. What's mine is yours!

I should not have assumed you've read or watched Dune, I apologize for that oversight. It's a tough choice anyway. I'm not even sure what my answer is... hmm. Paul might be Eris. Wait, no. Azriel. Gah! This means nothing to you. Moving on.

I struggle to sit for movies as well! I chuckled that you prefaced that statement with your favorite movies all being 3+ hours. Fair. LOTR is excellent. In that case, name one show you could watch 30 hours of in one sitting!

Question of the day: who would win in a physical fight between Eris and Azriel? (No holds barred. Everything's on the table.)

-🎅❤️

Idk about smart but I have been thoroughly enjoying thinking through these!!! Never ever ever ever EVER feel like you’re bothering me. You could never since we are already best friends! If I’m ever slower to respond it’s because you have given me such delicious questions to chew on and I’ve been enjoying pondering lol.

I may not have watched Dune but I DID do a lot of googling when trying to answer that question so I have a brain full of Dune knowledge now and very little context lol. Reading their characterizations I kept waffling between them too when trying to decide.

Listen… LOTR is just… different. Are they long? Yes. Are they still my favorite? Yes. When they first came out I was 14 and so I think I achieved consciousness for the first time after watching then reading them. My first true hyperfixation that never really went away.

I’m on my current annual rewatch of Gilmore girls and could sit and watch 100hours of it at a time if I was superhuman. I’m a binger… if I find a show that catches my interest I find it hard to stop until I’m done(books too). I’ve reverted back to my 14 year old self a little now that idgaf anymore and I’m allowing myself small joys so I’ve been watching too much anime and Asian dramas the last year. 😂

Ok so… I’m giving the win to Eris. I know I know, Azriel… big muscled Illyrian warrior with extra special shadows and and famed torturer. HOWEVER… that boy is SOFT. Famed torturer sure but also famed gift giver club rat who loves his momma and has lived most of his life with a loving family.

Eris on the other hand is used to deception on a whole other level. I imagine he has rarely ever felt safe enough to let his guard down in his life and would 100% use whatever he had to for his advantage. He would find a way to use Azriel’s softness against him and catch him off guard.

🌟🖤