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rv2xlga · 4 months ago

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sigh. another shuake rant that literally makes no sense god be with me pls…

title speaks for itself. not in the best mood rn but i feel like transness was in the air today and even if it gloomy as heck, the air is more pretty.. hmmm sounds like transfeminism to me.

i always and i mean always fall for the transgirl characters even transgirl irl i love transness sm i love femininity, not feminine identifying myself but MY GOD feminine presentation is beautiful, all kinds. and yes, i have to make everything about shuake. i feel like one reason i really like them so much is cuz of my own projections onto them, its uhm.. a lot that goes into all that but in the general, i based akechi on someone i heavily care about and met last year (which when once talking to them told me about how they would think about transitioning like mtf when they grew older) and with that, was born my akechi transfemme headcanon. didnt realize it at the time, didnt realize many things but i also ended up learning apparently i have a thing for transfemme characters and just feminine presenting characters in general! like to list some characters i have hyperfixated on in the past esp in the art category goes from maya fey to saki tenma to akechi in that order and when it comes to some of favorite characters i wasnt able to draw more often due to a bunch of other stuff were characters like phoenix wright and mizuki akiyama and further in both lists is a bunch more. and its true i only listed two characters i really like headcanon as transfemme there but i see phoenix more of a feminine guy, still being cis but liking more pink girly “gay” shit lol and obviously the struggles that come with that. i see saki and maya as more femme girls liking pink and struggling with their femininity in a way that goes with sexuality and what it feels to be the femme one in a relationship or a feminine presenting woman which brings me into my bigger topic.

mi nina bella arquita (arca the singer lol) posted on her story a tumblr post about transfeminity and how difficult the experience is for trans women and mind you im not a trans woman myself but just knowing the experience of being a woman or being born female more like it like i cant imagine what that must be like to somebody who is new to that concept, even if it’s scientifically not very different, i can’t imagine learning that so late in life or whenever u learn it to someone treated as a complete outsider if that makes any sense. and again like i stated early and in no little more to my adhd i always think about akechi, its just a necessity atp. but he was somebody who never got the chance to even think about things like that, like i know what that experience feels like, as a trans person myself and mind you my upbringing was very different than his aside being born female and all, i had the time and the support even if very little and not the best to be honest to think on all those things but he didn’t he had nobody else. that even brings me to akira. i dont headcanon akira as transfemme at all i see him as transmasc very heavily to the point i treat it as canon but anywho, its the same sorta contrast. akechi is so closed off to the idea of his transfeminity, even i feel he would already know he’s gay and interact probably with others online who are, very distantly but yea lol i think he would be a stan twitter reveluv but to the idea of being trans and not just trans but transfemme, is a completely different story for him.

while on the other hand, i feel like akira would be so open to the idea. yea maybe he wouldn’t be outwardly telling everyone “HEY IM TRANS!!” yk lmao but thats not really pride, thats not really what it looks like contray to popular belief and also dont even get me started with the fear of the people around you, the first most prominent point. its a whole other fear a whole other level of boundaries that people cross just to know if you have boobs and a pussy or not, from personal experience its disgusting disturbing and just plain out insane. but i feel like with the right people that he trusts its something its more comfortable to share, even sharing with it sojiro despite his age and the fact that most adults don’t care to respect to understand transness. i feel like akechi would be so terrified to even think about it, the fear of even asking someone he knows is trans (little stalker lmao) because it forces him to think. and it makes others question yk you don’t really ask someone “hey what does it feel like to be trans” for a friend lol.

i also think about shuake as a whole too the fact that i think akechi would grow that level of comfortability to even ask at some point, probably right before he’d die but the effort was put you know? the question was asked, the barriers were broken and i think their love is so beautiful because even with anything and everything, akira would still be there for him. not just because akira loves him which to be honest, probably has a much bigger sentiment but in a way, that just sorta feels like an obligation right? akira wants to be there for akechi because he knows what that feels like even if, no he really doesn’t because being a trans woman and being a trans man are very different experiences it all ties back to the same string. men and women really aren’t that different, we’re all human and the literal same species. we all have brains and can think for ourselves and oh does the list go on. the experience is obviously very different societally, which can not be ignored with our current society but again, he wants to be there for him because hey, you’re a transgender person like me too. the support and comfort i never had. pushing that extra level of questioning and testing and support and validation and whatever it may be because yes being a transwomam not have been the same experience akira went through but he is still trans and in that simple word lies some kind of a connection and the type of support he was never given. he had to learn it himself and he’s just passing it onto akechi. like again again, yes he loves him but he knows what he needs and like ugh. that is just so beautiful i love solidarity

its so many things that make their relationship for me that i feel i will never find again. something so beautiful in the complex, no little thanks to my multiple personality disorders as if one wasn’t enough. something so beautiful in the support and love you can offer somebody and i wish wish wish wishh transphobia wasn’t such a PLAGUE in everything! like ugh naoto, the storyline you deserved… honestly fuck atlus with all my heart tbh♥

#rants

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sj0228 · 4 years ago

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astro notes for fun lol

HEY! this is my first astro observations post so don't be too hard on me lol unless u wanna then sure maybe i can improve them somehow BUTANYWAYZ this is for entertainment purposes only!! obviously these are just my own observations so if they don't resonate with you don't get offended or you're a big ol' 🅱️uss so here they are!! also SHOUTOUT TO MY AMAZING FRIENDS fyi i got sum help from them by asking them billions of questions to confirm my suspicions so uh hope that makes the observations more accurate LOL ANYWAYS HERE THEY ARE!! i'll probably make more in the future cuz i think they're super fun to make :D also if u couldnt tell uhm this isnt very professional im not professional BUT I TRIED TO MAKE IT PRETTY so pls dont be bothered lol im just doing this for fun i didnt even wanna make an astro page so yea </3pretty unreliable LMAOOO

👩🏻‍🦲 the house your mars is in is what pisses you off the most!! (eg. 1st - people assuming things about you, 5th - people beating around the bush, 7th - things that disrupt the harmony of your environment, 9th - the need to hold back your opinions because others get bothered by them being "offensive")

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers are true ambiverts and i've truly never ever seen a cancer who wouldn't be both introverted and extroverted at times. they are always either social introverts or quiet extroverts lol. or both!! (somehow 0_0) they enjoy people's attention, whether it's wanting to be noticed or appreciated or generally cared for, and they need their alone time. they tend to be very productive at those times, too.

👩🏻‍🦲 ok i have a lot of notes for cancers so it's gonna be a lot lmao sorry anyways!! i've also noticed they LOVEEE breaking loose every once in a while, if not every time they're given the opportunity! thing is, it's usually only if someone else is there to convince them or do it with them. they don't like taking risks alone! they are very impressed and fond of the 'wild child' persona people because they bring out the cancer's wild side!

👩🏻‍🦲 libra moons are absolutely loved by people, it's so crazy! like, no matter what they do they always have attention on them. this can manifest badly if the moon person is actually pretty horrible, things they do tend to be overlooked and others move on pretty quickly from their mistakes, letting them do whatever they want. i wanted to give an example but uh,,,,, i shall.. refrain😳

👩🏻‍🦲 libra suns with water moons are so scary when they're angry..

👩🏻‍🦲 cancer moon is what i deem as the zodiac sign cute-ifyer lol. literally any "tough" sign like capricorn, scorpio or aquarius becomes a super cute goofball with this moon. WEIRDEST THING EVER THOUGH is that it doesn't work for cancer suns?! like if a cancer sun has a cancer moon this just makes the person very confusing but very funny. they can brighten anybody's day without trying!

👩🏻‍🦲 okay uh this isn't an astro note as much as it is me being a phucken simp but uh..... I HAVE AN UNDYING LOVE FOR ARIES SUNS I WILL MARRY EVERY EACHAND ONE OF YOU ISTG. ARIES SUNS ARE THE NICEST AND FUNNIEST PEOPEL I'VE EVER SEEN YOU HAVE THE BEST HUMOR EVER AND YOU'RE SO KIND TO EVERYBODY YOU'RE SO KIND I LOVE YOU YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THIS PLANET I WANT TO HUG YOU FOREVER okay jbshxhjn but fr aries are the best people ever?!?!?!?!?!?! pls

👩🏻‍🦲 okay JUST SO THIS WHOLE ARIES MENTION ISN'T JUST A POINTLESS LOVE CONFESSION - i've noticed a lot of ♥aries♥ people use the laughing crying face emojis (😂,🤣) unironically and it's honestly.....the best thing ever

👩🏻‍🦲 taurus suns do this sometimes as well

👩🏻‍🦲 THE MOST UNHEALTHY PERCEPTIONS OF ZODIAC SIGNS ARE PUT ON FIRE SIGNS, NOT THE WATER SIGNS AND THIS IS COMING FROM A PISCES!!!!!!1 every stereotype is always showing fire signs as those sunshine of the group people, the baddies, and the ones with the biggest 'idgaf' attitude. and while this can totally be true sometimes, most of the time it's super different! sad fire signs break my heart pls i just wanna hug you guys T-T they have it the hardest because unlike water signs who are already expected to be emotional, they often repress their emotions for the sake of others and because of the fear of betrayal or judgement, or just generally the idea of "it's better to have fake friends than to have zero friends". YOU GUYS PLEASE. cut these people off from your life you deserve soo much better i know it can be super hard to open up for you u just need a hug omg EVERYONE PLEASE CHECK UP ON YOUR FIRE SIGN FRIENDS ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR DAY N STUFF THEY WILL APPRECIATE YOU CARING FOR THEM! pls stay best and take care sweethearts ily!!!

👩🏻‍🦲 i've also noticed that some of the signs tend to show their sadness through anger - this is not just astrology though so if your friend has been jumpy lately please just check on them they are probably going thru sth😳 anyways the signs i mostly saw this in are pisces, aries and libra.

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers with feminine moons (earth and water) tend to be pretty introspective. they often think they're the ones being mistreated, and while this of course might be true, in reality it usually goes a lonnng way back lol. they often pay very little attention to others!! (masculine moon sign cancers (fire and air) can often be too focused on others more than themselves) this can be good because they don't snoop in other people's business but oh my god, guys, please pay attention to your friends, too! this WILL lead to lost friendships because, let's be real, nobody wants a one-sided friendship with someone who only cares about themselves! i don't want to target anybody here but this is just a pattern i've noticed wayyyy too often, so you might want to look into it and if you think this is you all you need is just to enlargen your perspective and it will all be okay. but please, PLEASE. think about your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 i needed to get this^ out because people often put this on leo placements but tbh i notice that leo placements are THE MOST generous of the entire zodiac and they always think of others first and that's what really makes them so popular. they very rarely are as egocentric as everybody says, they're just really loving and that makes them very lovable!

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio risings are the prettiest people i've ever seen. not even kidding bruh i could stare at them for EVER their eyes are absolutely gorgeous and their mannerisms are just perfect pls marry me

👩🏻‍🦲 gemini and taurus placements make an individual soooo chill to the point where it often makes them lazy and a biig procrastinator lol. tho i love how they make light of it by using their amazing humor!

👩🏻‍🦲 you most definitely have your IC be one of your family members' sun sign or one of their personal planets. i have a taurus ic and my sister is a taurus sun!

👩🏻‍🦲 sagittarius suns are the best huggers cause THEY REALLY NEED A HUG SO GO HUG THEM RIGHT NOW. pls guys why r u so sad..

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio mars aren't even as sexual as everybody says tbh. but they definitely do have some interesting.....interests ;)

👩🏻‍🦲 pluto aspects to personal planets are very prominent, but very hidden. if you have them, most likely you will be the only person to know about this side of you and it can be pretty dark..

👩🏻‍🦲 planets conjunct your sun will be the people you attract most in your life (venus conjunct sun - taurus and libra, jupiter - sagittarius and pisces, mars - aries and scorpio EVERYWHERE)

👩🏻‍🦲 your moon sign will be the sun sign of most of your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 if you don't quite relate to your ascendant, look at the sign you have in your 3rd house and at your mercury sign. this is how you communicate, convey your ideas etc. and will often be a major factor in people's first impressions of you :)

👩🏻‍🦲 lilith aspecting your sun may mean there's a side of you nobody knows.. 👁👁 you're also probably very convincing and people can be very drawn to you and they can't explain why. this also goes for lilith in 7th, especially in girls!

👩🏻‍🦲 you and your friends probably have each other's sun signs as your personal planets!!

👩🏻‍🦲 the kindest person you know is probably either a virgo or an aries.. and the meanest person you know is also probably a virgo or aries LOL

👩🏻‍🦲 capricorn suns & risings are THE hardest to read!! if they don't say what they mean people will just assume and they're never going to be right it's wild 👩🏻‍🦲 also capricorns definitely have the most dad energy, while sagittariuses are more like actual dads jdbshxcvb

OKAY THAT'S ALL!!!! im sure i have more but its 2 am i have school tomorrow or actually its today now so bye uh anyways there will most likely be more so if u liked these stay tuned!! oh and let me know if they were true witchu :o thats it love u stay awesome and super cool i love u byebye!!

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vertigoseokjin · 5 years ago

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Break my Heart Again

Sweet Pea x Y/N x Reggie (requested)

Break my Heart Again: FINNEAS

Warning: this displays a toxic poly!relationship and self hate, hints at an abusive relationship

I’m so sorry this took forever to post! Also the ending isn’t that fluffy but-

could i request a poly! with pea, reggie & reader where pea is busy with a new, girl, serpent & reg is helping another girl for something & the reader feels jealous & neglected? angsty with a fluffy ending pls!! :)

Loud laughter echoes through your shared trailer, a sound that usually warms your heart. Yet, today, you only feel uneasy walking into you and your boyfriend's house. There's a motorcycle you've never seen parked outside, and a pair of woman's shoes that definitely don't belong to you.

Although your relationship is made out of three people, Reggie's the only one who resides on the Northside. In order to lessen the living costs, you and Sweet Pea decided to move into a trailer together shortly after the start of your relationship.

It always worked out, the three of you have never fought. Yes, you bickered very often. But that was inevitable when Reggie Mantle and Sweet Pea were anywhere near each other. Yet, you all knew you loved each other. Sure, things have been a bit tense recently, but you brushed it off as stress from school and Serpent things. But now you can't help but wonder if something else has been happening.

"Pea?" You nervously call out, slipping off your own shoes and coat. "Pea, are you home?" You can't help the small crack in your voice when you call his name.

When there's no response, you decide to venture a little further into the trailer, finally making it to the bedroom.

Taking a deep breath, you knock gently on the door. "Pea? Babe, are you okay?" Again, no response. Before you can knock again, the door flies open. You flinch back at the sound of the wood colliding with the wall.

"What?" Your eyes widen, shocked at the hostile acknowledgement directed towards you. "Are you going to say anything?" His tone becomes increasingly louder and aggressive.

"I-is everything okay?" You speak through tears, already feeling choked up. Sweet Pea nor Reggie have ever screamed at you the way he is now.

"Everything was okay. Before you decided to piss me off." The tall boy practically growls while rolling his eyes, before walking back into the room and plopping onto the bed. That's when you notice the girl.

She's laying comfortably on your side of the bed, holding your laptop.

As soon as Sweet Pea lays down, she snuggles closer to him, the pair already ignoring you again.

"Pea? Who is this?" The words come out cautiously, not wanting him to blow up again.

"Charlie." He answers simply, no other explanation coming with his introduction. He presses 'play' on the movie they were watching, and the pair immediately burst out in laughter again.

"Pea..." you try again, immediately regretting your decision when Sweet Pea huffs loudly and harshly slams your laptop shut. ��

"What? Can't you see we're doing something! What the hell is wrong with you?!" He rapidly begins approaching you, causing you to back away in panic.

Sweet Pea never hit you, or any of his past girlfriends, before, but he also never spoke to you in such a... hateful tone. Rather than striking you like you were expecting, he slams the door shut. You shake the shock from your body, before rushing to the front door to escape Pea's rage.

With nowhere else to go, you find yourself walking in the direction of your other boyfriend's house.

Hurriedly wiping the tears from your red face, you knock gently on the door.

"I got it!" Another feminine voice shouts, not sounding like his mom's or sister's. The door opens to reveal a beautiful, tall girl. She looks to be about your age, with curly brunette hair and seemingly perfect features. Just staring at her adds to your insecurities. "Hey! I don't think we've met, I'm Jennie!" Even her stupid name and personality are perfect.

"H-hi. I...I'm (Y/N)." You fail at matching her enthusiasm. "Is Reggie home?" You force yourself to ask.

"Yeah! I'll run in and get him!" She practically skips into the house, shortly returning with a smiling Reggie. Unfortunately, his smile falls the second he sees you.

"What are you doing here?" He rolls his eyes as he speaks.

"J-just missed you..." you mumble. "I didn't know you were busy, I'm sorry. I'll go..." you drag your feet down the stairs, wishing he'd even say bye in response, but all you get is the door slamming shut.

You begin dragging your feet down the road, unsure where to go now.

Instinctively, you find yourself in front of your best friend's house, Jughead Jones. You almost talk yourself out of knocking due to fear of annoying him too, but there's nowhere else to go.

You knock quietly, the door almost flying open right away.

"(Y/N)? Sweet Pea asked me to look out for you, is everything okay?" You stare at him confused, why would Sweet Pea care about me? "(Y/N)?" Him calling your name again snaps you out of your violent thoughts.

"Sorry! I was just... yeah everything's fine. Can I come in?" You blurt out. He nods uncertainly, but steps over to let you in. "Why did Sweet Pea ask to look out for me?"

"Something about you rushing out with his jacket? I don't know, but he sounded busy." He shrugs uncaring. You look down and notice you are wearing Sweet Pea's signature jacket. You sigh, realizing he doesn't actually care about you. He just needs his jacket. "Everything okay?" He seats himself on the couch, patting the spot next to him.

"Yeah..." you simply mumble, not wanting to get into details about your failing relationship.

"I don't think you'd be here if that was true." He dryly chuckles.

"It's whatever, Jug. Can I spend the night? Thanks." You get up quickly, wanting to avoid the conversation. You hear his delayed yes, but still make a beeline to his spare room.

"I know you don't want to talk, but maybe a date at Pop's with them would clear things up? The three of you should sit and talk." Jughead suggests, leaning on the door frame. You almost laugh at how well he's able to read any situation.

"You're right, I just don't feel like dealing with it right now. They're busy anyway."

"Busy? With what? Charlie?" Your eyes almost bug out of your head.

"You know Charlie?" You almost shout at him.

"Newest Serpent." Jughead states factually. "Sweet Pea threw a tantrum about initiation, got her in without doing the dance." He can't stop the eye roll that comes with his words, where you get chills from remembering your own initiation.

"Really? Do you know anything about her?"

"Not really, she's quiet though. I never really got a chance to speak to her." You release another sigh at his words.

"I bet she's nice. And pretty." A loud groan escapes your mouth following your rant. "Reggie has a new girl too, and she's perfect. I can't compete." Jughead smiles sadly, sitting next to you and hugging you close.

"You don't need to compete, (Y/N). You're perfect." You can't help but let your mood rise a bit after his words.

"You always know how to make me feel better, Juggie."

"Of course. Get some rest, alright? Talk to them tomorrow." He ruffles your hair messily, before leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You're able to sleep with your spirits lifted a little.

___________________________________________________________________________

The next day, the three of you decided to meet at Pop's for lunch.

You leave Jughead's with a heavy heart after he leaves a gentle kiss to your forehead, in a perfectly brotherly manner.

After the fairly short walk, you decide to get a booth, knowing they tend to arrive late.

You're hoping to get a fixed relationship out of the conversation.

However, you're met with surprise when you see four seated at a booth, instead of two like you were expecting.

Reggie, Sweet Pea, Charlie, and Jennie are all seated together.

You cautiously walk up to their table, unsure how to act.

"Hey (Y/N)!" Jennie says cheerfully. "We ordered fries for you!" She pushes a plate full of clearly half eaten fries in your direction. You still crack a little smile at the the effort.

"I... I just thought it was gonna be the three of us?" You ask weakly, still standing over their booth. Rather than a response from the two you came to meet, Jennie pops in again with a small gasp.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know we were intruding! Here, me and Charlie can grab another table!" Jennie goes to collect her stuff, before being stopped by Reggie.

"No, it's fine. I don't know why she's acting like that." Reggie rolls his eyes, Sweet Pea and Charlie still not even bothering to look at you.

"Reggie, it's really our fault. We should've known it was a date when you said (Y/N) was coming." The bright smile still doesn't leave her face.

"It's okay, sorry Jennie." You finally force yourself to speak. "I was just a little confused, I'll pull a chair over." You leave to find an empty chair, dragging it over to the head of the table. Yet, once you sit, the group resume in their previous conversation, excluding you. You just sit quietly, pushing your plate of fries around, having lost your appetite from the interaction.

"Alright, I think we're gonna head home." Reggie finally acknowledges you. Jennie and he begin collecting their stuff, leaving you unsure on what to do.

All you want to do is lay down on your own bed, maybe cry a little, and just go to sleep. But you don't know if Sweet Pea and Charlie are going to your trailer.

"Yeah, us too." Sweet Pea follows, stretching as he gets up from the booth.

"Pea? Are you going home?" You finally gather the courage to ask, holding your breath as you wait for a response.

"Why?" He snaps again, still not looking at you.

Does he hate me that much he can't even look at me?

"I... I do-don't want to bother y-you guys if yo-you're going ba-back to the trailer." You struggle to get the words out.

"Good, cause we are." He rolls his eyes again, shoving past you, Charlie closely following.

"Hey, (Y/N), Reggie and I were going to head back to my place. Would you want to come? We're probably watching a movie or something." She smiles sweetly at you, but you still let yourself be swayed by the look of disgust on Reggie's face.

"It's alright, but thank you for the offer." You mumble, staring at your torn up shoes.

"Are you sure? Don't you live with Sweet Pea? Where are you spending the night?"

"I'll figure it out, Jennie. But thank you for caring." You try to give her a genuine smile, but it doesn't reach your eyes.

"Alright, good night (Y/N)!" Her and Reggie leave you sitting alone in the chair you pulled over, once again not knowing where to go.

After a deep sigh and covering your face with your hands, you pull yourself up and let your feet guide you. Talking yourself out of bothering Jughead again, you decide to break into his father's office instead.

FP Jones barely uses it anyway, it's more of a storage room. But, lucky for you, there's a recliner big enough for you to spend the long night.

You sadly curl up on the chair, allowing yourself to shed a few tears, before calling it a night. _____________________________________________________________________

Unfortunately, a voice wakes you before your alarm goes off.

"Kid, what the hell are you doing?" You roll off the sofa in surprise, making eye contact with the owner of the office you broke into.

"Mr. Jones! Sorry! I was going to leave in the morning but I fell asleep... I'm so sorry. I'll clean everything up an-" he simply holds a hand up to silence you.

"Don't worry about it. You didn't even touch anything." You sigh in relief, feeling thankful for your close relationship with him. "But you are going to explain to me what you're doing in my office at the ass crack of dawn." He plops himself down on his office chair, scanning your disheveled appearance.

"I don't really wanna talk about it..." you mumble, trying to get out of the situation.

"Then you shouldn't have broken into my office. C'mon, spill." A deep sigh escapes your lips, before you finally nod in defeat.

"It's Sweet Pea and Reggie," your voice is barely audible, too embarrassed to properly speak to the gang leader about your relationship drama.

"They hurting you?" His posture immediately stiffens into a defensive stance, causing panic to course through you.

"No! Of course not! They'd never, Mr. Jones."

"Then what's the problem?"

"They've just been ignoring me, I guess." You mumble sadly.

"Charlie?" You hate how the Jones's know you so well. You're unable to hide any thought or problem from them.

"...yeah, and this other Northsider. Jennie. They're... perfect, Mr. Jones. And I'm not. I can't blame them." He responds to your self hate with a soft sigh, not knowing how to respond.

Teenage problems have changed a lot since he was growing up.

"Don't put yourself down like that, kid." FP replies with uncertainty, never really the best at advice. His dad would just smack him over the head and tell him to get his shit together.

"It's okay, Mr. Jones. I'll get going, thank you for letting me stay the night."

"Course, Charlie. My office is always open for you to break in to." You try to smile in response, but the smile doesn't reach your eyes. Then, you swiftly exit his office, still embarrassed from being caught in the first place.

You sigh to yourself, still so confused.

When did everything get so complicated?

_______________________________________________________

You walked over to Jughead's house again, still temporarily homeless. As always, he welcomes you happily, deciding to kill time by cuddling and watching a movie. Always unable to stay awake during movies, you feel your eyes drifting shut right after Jughead points out the most important part. Still, you rest your head fully on Jughead's shoulder and pull him a little closer.

"Hey, your phone's blowing up." He rasps, shaking you awake gently. You thanked him softly, squinting as the light from your phone burned your eyes. You were shocked when you saw your phone practically flooded with texts from Sweet Pea and Reggie. "Who's it?" He slurs, tiredness obviously hindering his actions.

"Pea and Reg." You mumble, throwing your phone to the side.

"You're not responding?" He woke up a little more at the sound of the names causing you so much distress.

"No." You answer firmly, with no thought, just holding him tighter. Jughead releases a quiet laugh at your answer, but has no problem with accepting it.

They can wait.

________________________________________

Later that night, you finally forced yourself to answer their endless calls and texts. Your phone is filled with panicked texts and voicemails wondering where you disappeared to.

You roll over on the bed you decided to share with Jughead for the night, seeing he's still asleep. Not wanting to bother him, you slowly roll out of his bed, leaving him a note about your situation.

You call Sweet Pea, curious of his sudden care towards you.

"Hey," you're so shocked of him answering right away you forget to respond. "Babe?"

"Yea-Yeah! Hi!" You almost shout.

"Reg and I were wondering if you want to have a movie night? We haven't seen you in a while." You hold back a scoff, choosing to keep the air clear.

"O-okay. Can I come over now?" You ask weakly. You almost want to ask if Charlie and Jennie are going to be there, but you hold yourself back. You start walking in the direction of Reggie's house, assuming the movie night is hosted by him as usual. The walk isn't too long, maybe 15 minutes, and the weather was nice so you weren't complaining. You really did miss them.

"Of course. Meet us at Reggie's." Always a man of few words, you assume the conversation is over there. However, you bring the phone back to your ear when you hear them speak again.

"Hello?" But you go unanswered.

"I don't know, Reg. She's been getting on my nerves lately." You don't want to eavesdrop, but you're unable to help it. You know you should hang up, but your relationship has been on the verge of completely falling apart, and you'd do almost anything if it even gave you a chance at fixing it.

"(Y/N)? I know what you mean." You can almost hear the eye roll that came along with the agreement. "She's so clingy. It was cute at first, but I don't know if I can keep up."

"...we shouldn't make it too obvious though, right? We have been ignoring her recently, she doesn't deserve that." A gentle smile cracks through your face when you hear the little concern he has for you, but it quickly fades at the remembrance of their previous words.

"I mean, I guess." You can almost hear the shrug that comes with those words, Sweet Pea needs to maintain his careless persona.

Finally deciding you heard enough, you hang up and gather the courage to knock on the door.

"Coming!" Reggie's deep voice shouts. The door flies open quickly, his smiling face greeting you.

"Hi." You say quietly, genuinely not wanting to annoy them with the sound of your voice.

"Hey babe!" Reggie exclaims, coming closer to embrace you.

How can he be acting so normal? You ask yourself.

"Hey." You utter another greeting, but trying to avoid his hug.

"Babe? Is everything okay?" Slipping off your shoes and dropping your bag neatly by the door, you respond with a gentle nod. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I just think I'm coming down with something..." your voice lowers in volume with every word, eyes drifting to stare at the floor.

"Really? Do you need tea? Medicine? PEA! Boil some hot water!" Reggie commands, coming closer to try and embrace you again, to which you back away quickly.

"No! It's okay!" You internally panic at the thought of bothering Sweet Pea with your needs. "I don't need anything, I'm fine." Reggie still stares at you uncertainty, but accepting the odd behavior.

"...okay, just let us know if you need anything. We missed you!" You only nod in response, trying to reduce the amount of times you speak to them in a day.

"Hi, sweetheart." Another deep voice sounds from behind you. You flinch at the sudden appearance, turning to face your other boyfriend. "You feeling okay?" Instead of allowing a gentle forehead kiss to happen, something that always helped you relax, you rapidly nod your head so he doesn't attempt to come closer than he already is.

"I'm fine." You squeak out again, walking past both of them to sit on the couch.

The pair share a suspicious look behind your back, before shrugging and coming to join you on the couch.

Sweet Pea beats Reggie to the spot next to you, immediately pulling you closer to him and attempting to cuddle with you. However, you hurriedly shove his arm off, moving to sit on the recliner positioned diagonal from the couch.

"I think I'm sick, I don't want to give you my virus." You make up on the spot, curling up in a ball in your seat.

"Babe, it's alright if you're sick. We don't care." Reggie approaches you slowly, placing his hands on the arms of the chair, caging you in so you can't run again. "It'll be more comfortable if you sit on the couch with us, come on."

"I just feel hot, Reggie. It's cooler over here." You mumble again, curling under the blanket draped over the recliner. He sends you an odd look, but shrugs when he realizes he's in a losing battle.

"Alright..." he takes a seat next to Sweet Pea, the pair sharing a blanket with their eyes glued to the movie playing. You smile sadly at the sight of them sitting together. They look... perfect. It only adds to how out of place you've been feeling lately. You sitting in the middle of them would just ruin the picture perfect image.

Another gentle sigh escapes you, but you try to focus on the movie instead of them.

"Hey, babe, don't you like that actor?" Reggie asks, but you just nod stiffly, not even sure what or who they're talking about. You've long since zoned out of the movie, you wouldn't even be able to tell them the title if they asked. You miss the look they exchange, the only actors on the screen are from an infomercial about adult diapers. Something's clearly wrong with you.

"Okay, do we need to talk about something?" Sweet Pea finally cuts through the awkwardness, turning the TV off. "You're acting weirder than normal." He directs towards you, but you still refuse to make eye contact.

"No." A short answer, still trying to not talk around them.

"(Y/N), it'll be easier if you just talk to us." Reggie tries to urge you into speaking. You finally lift your head up, looking rapidly between the two of them. "You know you can tell us anything." He smiles softly, trying to ease you into speaking. You shut your eyes tightly, before taking a deep breath.

"I think we should break up." You finally blurt out without thinking. The two boys' mouths widen in shock, not fully comprehending your words.

"Break up? Why?" Sweet Pea can't stop the anger flooding into his tone from your impulsive suggestion.

"Just... because." You mutter, not knowing how to vocalize your thoughts from the last month.

"Sweetie, we're gonna need more than a 'because' if you want to break up." Sweet Pea's naturally condescending tone makes you feel even worse about the situation.

"I-I don't know." You stupidly say, opting to stare at your hands.

"You don't know?" He stands up suddenly, rapidly walking towards you.

"Pea, calm down." Reggie snaps, blocking your body from Sweet Pea. "We're going to sit down and have a calm conversation, does that work for everyone?" You just nod, Sweet Pea rolling his eyes in anger.

"Whatever." He grumbles, sitting down in his previous seat on the couch.

"Baby, you have to have a reason." Reggie tries again.

"I just don't want to bother you anymore..." you mutter, tearing up slightly.

"Bother us?" Sweet Pea's tone softens slightly, but he's still in a slightly defensive stance.

"I mean... you guys have new people now." You chuckle slightly. "You don't really need me anymore. We haven't even talked in at least a month. You're all so happy with Jennie and Charlie, I don't want to be in the middle of it anymore." They stare at you in what you're assuming is anger. "I'll just go guys. I'm sorry for ruining your night." You get up quickly, making a beeline for the door. However, both of the men stop you, Sweet Pea picking you up and gently placing you back on the couch. You're surprised to see the tears in his eyes.

"Baby... baby we're so sorry." He cries into your shoulder, causing your own tears to fall.

"No, don't say sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't better for you." You choke out through sobs.

"That's not true." Reggie rasps, tears flooding his own eyes. The three of you sit huddled together on the couch, unable to speak anymore through the never ending sobs.

"We love you, baby." Sweet Pea finally breaks the silence, pressing a small kiss to her cheek after wiping her tears.

"We love you so much." Reggie adds, squeezing the both of you tighter. Their hearts break when they hear your little sobs and Sweet Pea goes to wipe your tears.

"Can we fix this?" You finally force yourself to ask, still not able to see a solution within the love they're giving you.

"Of course!" Reggie and Sweet Pea exclaim loudly.

"We'll do whatever we need to make up for it." Reggie tearfully promises, kissing your forehead.

You feel nothing but love being in their arms in this moment, but something doesn't feel right still.

You still have so many questions.

"But... why were you so mean?" In any other scenario, the boys would have swooned at how adorable your childlike tone came off. Yet, it only breaks their heart more. It's another reminder at how badly they messed up.

"I don't know, baby. I-"

"That's not good enough!" They also jump away in shock at your sudden outburst. Your voice hardly ever went past a gentle whisper. "I- you all made me feel worthless! I spent this past month wondering what I did wrong and I couldn't even go home because you and Charlie were always in our room! I need more than an I don't know." Your anger is radiating off of you, but you can only feel proud at finally standing up for yourself. But they just stare at you blankly. "If you don't have an answer, I'm going to go back to Jug's house until you know what you want from me."

"No, let's just sit and-"

"I waited a month, Reggie. I need an answer now."

"Honestly, we don't have one." Sweet Pea bluntly states. "I know you want an explanation and reasons, but we can't give you one. But we can give you a promise to never let it happen again. Hell, we won't even need to contact Charlie or Jennie ever again," Reggie nods in agreement, "so, can we try again?"

"Yeah, we're so sorry, baby." Reggie chimes in. "We love you more than anything and I can't believe how badly we messed up. Just give us a second chance, baby? Please?"

You know you shouldn't. Everything is screaming at you to run away back to your safety and forget about them, let them be happy with their new girls.

But... the amount of love in their eyes right now makes it hard to doubt their truthfulness.

"Okay." You mumble weakly. "Okay. Let's try again." You're suddenly tackled by two large figures, the three of you collapsing onto the couch. They start peppering every inch of your face and neck in kisses, causing giggles to erupt from all of you.

You suddenly feel like you won't regret this decision.

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stevesharrlngtons · 5 years ago

Note

28 with Steve? :) 💛💛

you’re still mad.

(thank you to the amazing @harringtonhq for helping me when i was stuck! (: )

you love him. you love him. you love him.

you chant to try and cool your boiling nerves. you love steve harrington, you really do, but sometimes he could be so stupid, you wanted to scream (and often did).

so much about him was endearing, there was so much about him to love. he had a kind heart, a great capacity for love, always wanted the best for others, was eager to learn, had a wonderful sense of humor, the list when on. but, everyone has their flaws, and steve was definitely was not exempt.

he was stubborn, vain at times. he gave horrible advice and could often be too proud for his own good.

somehow along the way of dating steve, you had been roped in to hanging out with a group of thirteen year olds. at first, you would just sit quietly next to steve as he talked to them, praying for it to be over soon. you weren’t necessarily jumping up and down to hang out with children in your limited free time. though as time went on, and you got to know each kid better, you started to like the time spent with them. you now enjoyed all the kids that your boyfriend was friends with, which can still be an uncomfortable sentence to say. you generally got along with all of them, but with max and el, you were bonded to them in a much deeper way. they were floundering for any positive female energy by the time you showed up, and you happily took them under your wing.

so, when steve was off with the boys, you migrated towards the girls. you enjoyed them deeply as friends, but you also enjoyed feeling looked up too. you relished in your new role as the cool older girl in their eyes. you loved that they trusted you, that they would come to you with questions and concerns about the world, and would take your advice seriously.

you had developed a strong protective instinct with the girls over the past year, and that was why you had sped over to max’s house as soon as you received a hysterical call from el. when you arrived you fled your car and went to knock loudly on the hargrove’s door. to your dismay, billy answered it with a smarmy grin.

“finally ready to give in to what we both want, (y/l/n)?” he leaned his bare shoulder against the doorframe.

“ugh, in your dreams, hargrove.” you gagged, and pushed past him into the house.

“every night princess! lemme know when you’re gonna allow me to make all yours come true!” he called after you.

you rolled your eyes, and thankfully got to max’s bedroom before he could say anything else.

“your brother is so gross.” you scowled as you entered.

“i know.” and your head snapped up to where max and el were sitting on her duvet.

max’s face was flushed pink, her eyes were glossy and her cheeks painted with tears. el had a comforting arm around her.

you went into immediate lioness mode, “what happened? who hurt you?”

you rushed forward and pried max from el and into your arms.

“lucas.” el stated simply.

“my god, what did he do? i’ll kill him!” you pythoned the redhead closer.

“he was being so rude. so rude and just ignoring everything i said. and, and he was just so…”

“rude.” el chimed in.

“yes! god!” max wailed into your t-shirt.

“what exactly happened, honey?” you murmured, stroking her hair calmly.

“I was just trying to talk to him, to have a conversation! but nothing, and i really needed to talk to him about all this stuff with neil and my mom and i got nothing. when i pointed out that he was being an ass he told me to stop being so crazy.”

“he what?” you gasped, still trying to console her.

“yeah, so then i told him that he was a dick and that we were over.”

“again.” el said, mostly in observation. she wasn’t wrong, lucas and max broke up all the time.

“i just can’t believe him!” max sobbed.

“it’s like he just didn’t care.”

and then it clicked.

didn’t care.

“son of a bitch!” your tone had changed so drastically from sweet and reassuring to anger and frustration, it caused both girls to jump.

“what, what is it?” max pulled away to look up at you.

“do you know where he is now?”

“at the mall. he, dustin and mike are gonna sneak into stupid top gun again.” max wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“perfect, let’s go. get your shit.” you released max and started towards the door.

“what are you gonna do?” el asked, scrambling off the bed with max as they searched for their shoes and jackets.

“i’m gonna rip my boyfriend a new one for giving that dumbass advice to her boyfriend.”

“wait steve told him to do that?” max questioned as she followed you.

you lead the girls to your car, and whipped out the hargrove driveway and toward the mall, grinding your teeth. chanting away in your head to remind yourself to not follow max’s lead when you saw steve.

meanwhile, el and max were beside themselves with excitement. they loved you for so many reasons. you were smart, intelligent, compassionate and always ready and willing to stand up for yourself and others. you were a badass. a badass who lent them your copy of the feminine mystique and preached the gospel of angela davis. they just thought you were cool.

when you all arrived at starcount, you were a woman on a mission. you knew that you were probably overreacting, but if you let your boyfriend continue to think for one more minute that ignoring women and what they have to say will someone get them to desire you more, you’d be failing yourself.

so, you with your two little ducklings in tow marched toward scoops ahoy, where luckily, dustin and lucas already were waiting. no doubt your boyfriend was nearby.

“hey, tweedle dee and tweedle dumbass, where’s the ring leader?” you jeered when you entered scoops.

“oh, so you’re still mad…” lucas spoke first, glancing back to max whose face soured.

he knew that if you were showing up this mad looking for steve, there was no doubt max tattled to you.

before you could respond, the man himself stepped out from the backroom.

“hey baby, wasn’t expecting you.” steve smiled affectionately at you, not processing your anger.

“you!” you moved and pointed an accusatory finger toward him.

“me?”

“yes, you! god, dammit steve! what exactly did you tell lucas?”

you watched steve go through a facial journey. of being confused by your anger, to looking at max looming behind you, to lucas, back to max then back to you, and finally understanding.

“nothing. i said nothing.” he shook his head.

“nothing? huh, really? so, you didn’t give any advice that might simmer down to being a dickbag to a girl to make her like you more?” you hissed.

“he actually said-”

“lucas! shut up!”

“too late, he just sold you out, harrington. now, what did you say?”

steve looked to both boys for support, but they averted their gazes.

“i didn’t say anything! why would i say anything like that? he clearly thought of that himself.”

“excuse me?” lucas chimed in.

“wanna play dirty? fine, let’s do this,” lucas turned to you, “steve told me and i quote, “you gotta act like you could take it or leave it. that if you didn’t talk to her today it wouldn’t matter.” end quote.”

your eyes widened and you turned back to your boyfriend for now, “are you crazy! who gives advice like that? to a child no less?”

“hey, i’m fourteen!”

“eh, eh, eh, i don’t care.” you said impatiently back at lucas.

“i just… look, ok, it works! how do you think i got you? who is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, by the way. have i mentioned that lately?” steve batted his eyes at you.

“how you got me? seriously? i only started liking you after you cut out all that pompous dick behavior! but y’know that? maybe i acted to soon, maybe i was wrong.” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“(y/n/n), come on, ok, listen! it’s just standard advice, my dad gave it to me and i’m sure his did to him. i’m only passing on the legacy.” steve tried to explain.

“the first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn, gloria steinem.” max chimed in, causing everyone to look back to her.

“see! that!” you gestured to her.

“baby-”

“do not baby me, steve harrington.”

“sweetheart-”

“you don’t actually believe that works, do you?”

steve made an unsure sound, and racked a hand through his hair.

“i cannot believe you! if you ever give that advice to anyone again, impressionable child or not- i swear on my life i will lose my mind.” you clenched your fists.

“this isn’t you losing your mind?” lucas asked.

“not the time, not the time. abort, abort.” dustin said under his breath to his friend.

lucas immediately clammed up and looked away from you.

“forget about coming over tonight, harrington.” you sneeded, and turned on your heel to leave.

max and el looked between each other with huge grins, then followed after you, rife with giggles and praise.

“oh man, you’re so fucked.” dustin chuckled with a shake of his head.

“nah, nah. this is fine, this is cool. it’s all good. it’ll be fine.” steve muttered, placing his hands on his hips as he watched your figure become smaller in the distance.

“go after her.” dustin advised.

“what? no, we’re…”

“go after her.” he reiterated, and steve was already fleeing his post behind the counter to run after you.

“baby, i’m sorry! i’m an idiot, what’s new? i love you!” both boys watched steve catch up with you and start to apologize. he placed on hand on your cheek, and seemed to pouring on the amends thick.

“he was kinda right?” lucas mused.

“excuse me?” dustin asked aghast.

“i mean she just left like she could care less and steve was tripping over himself to follow her.” he shrugged.

“if you let (y/n) hear you say that, i won’t stop her from kicking your ass.” dustin snorted.

“she couldn’t-” dustin gave lucas a pointed looked, “ok fine, yeah she could.”

feedback is greatly appreciated pls & thnk u!

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington imagines #stranger things imagine #steve harrington fanfiction

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baekhvuns · 2 years ago

Note

BAEK FIRST OF ALL IK I TALK SHIT ABOUT UNDERCUTS AND LAUGHED AT SEONGHWA'S RECENT ONE BUT THE PROMO PHOTOS 😵😵😵😵 UHMMM THE LAST PHOTO WITH THE FLAG ESPECIALLY HIS EYES AND PROFILE!!!! Man made the skirt and the undercut trend, lmao. The way he's holding his choker too 😳😳😳😳 The hours are so fucking random iwhshshdhshhs yesterday I was awake today I wasn't 🔫 I missed a Yunhwa live too....also Hwa said his Jeddah outfit made him look more buff... yeah we saw mate

ALSO THIS and THIS I will never stop yelling about the way Seonghwa looks both delicate, soft and sharp, powerful, his whole demeanour in the promo pics is stereotypically masculine, but the skirt and his face makes him look feminine too, pure androgynous perfection

What family Park Seonghwa lmao get your ass over here and protect me yourself

I'm glad you're feeding other stans not just Shitstars, although I wouldn't mind racer Seonghwa 🤗 because the MV to DV made me crave racer Hwa

That author is maddddd in the best possible way, omgggg :o so many long chapters, blesss I admire people for being consistent with uploads. I'm still waiting for some fics to continue, it hurts when the authors disappear, but even more when they post other works and I feel selfish thinking HEY WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER STORY 😭🤧

Hwa did look good unfortunately, like this... this haunts me. Uhm Seonghwa night club dancer AU perhaps??? 👁👄👁 when he seduces Y/N with his hips and Y/N is like uhuhu I'll see myself out! But just imagine Y/N being dragged to that club by her besties and she wasn't having it until certain Mars appeared then she came back to the club on her own... ok I'm done, anywaysssss

Girllll I need some air and the fan is too much sometimes (I start coughing or sneezing), so I prefer natural air flow, sadly it means BUG PARTY. The window is just ajar tho so what the fuck, they see the opportunity and take it

I feel like lore can be a bit limiting, people are tired of Aespa's lore even though they just started because it's kinda cringy, but when well executed MWAH CHEF'S KISS!

This is such an US centred comeback too, because of the time and date IT'LL BE 6AM FOR ME FUCK YOU ALL! Sorry the racists did it to you :/ like I get it, USA is sadly an important market, but for fuck's sake they get KCON's too, they get everything 🤬🤬🤬🤬

Oh shit I need to write that question for Hwa down! They announced 74737 more fan calls and me and my GO friend are ordering more stuff next week, so hopefully both of us win something ❤ I don't wanna be like those people who win 10 fan calls in a row, but maybe I deserve it after not seeing them, heh. But that NFT shit I hope KQ stops working with companies which do them, cause 🔫

Okay I might lend you some of my inches then, we can't have you disowned from the fam <3 I got your baek

Omg ETL noice, I chose completely different movies though some choices were haaaaaard. I've seen 10 things I hate about you so many times as well, lol

P.S. It happened... I dreamt of Mr Kim...🙈🙉🙊 - DV 💖

hi hello!!

LMFAOOOO HOW THE TURNT HAVE TABLES 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫 BDWNBDKWBD RARE MOMENT OF DV ANON LIKING THE UNDERCUT FBNEHD NO BC THEM EYES HIS EYES 😭😮‍💨😮‍💨🤚🏼🤚🏼 STRAIGHT SIREN,,, no BC THE HOURS ARE SO RANDOM WTF IS GOING ON????? PLS THE WAY HEAD HURTS JUST WAITING FOR THEM TO DROP AFTER REFRESHING IT AGAIN AND AGAIN…YEAH BRO LIKE WE DIDNT KNOE IT MADE U BUFF LIKE THATS PROBABLY NOT WHY WE ALL MADE UR ASS TREND 😭😭😭🤚🏼

THAT IS SO TRUE COULDNT BE SAID BETTER WTF HES LIKE THE PERFECT MIX OF FEM AND MASC ENERGY 😭😭 BDMWHDJ A BLESSING AND A CURSE TBH 😭😭 no bc thats such a accurate desc im so surprised

What family Park Seonghwa lmao get your ass over here and protect me yourself

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭 HES THE CHARACTER WHO GETS SCARED DURING THUNDERSTORMS AND NEEDS TO WAKE THE OTHER PERSON UP TO COMFORT THEM u know he’d be a pick me, hot take 🤚🏼

I'm glad you're feeding other stans not just Shitstars, although I wouldn't mind racer Seonghwa 🤗 because the MV to DV made me crave racer Hwa

PLS DONT MAKE ME CHANGE FBWHDEKHEKW ive been writing hwa since his birthday last year 😭😭😭🤚🏼 need to start my san era <3 yOU KNOW WHAT ILL INCLUDE HWA IN THE RACER TOO a little action for him too <3

no fr gOD bless authors like that truly truly a saviour for society,,, RIGHT IM WAITING FOR SOME TOO omg do u rmr this san fic from a while back called ouija it was like the BEST san fic in atinyblr but unfortunately the author deactivated,,, he was a demon and the mc was like “bro can we do this tomorrow?” and goes to sleep 😭😭🤚🏼 BREKHD NO BC SAME I THINK OF THAT TOO 😭😭😭🤚🏼

bestie how dare u send that here. do u see that upper- i? wow? LETHAL,,, YOU KNOWWWWWWWWW THAT DO BE SOUNDING REAL GOOD (but i believe someone wrote that for san 😭😭)

NO FR BESTIE IT GETS SO HOT BUT WITH THE FAN IT GETS FREEZING 😭😭 them nose sniffles esp,, BUG PARTY SHUT UP 😭😭😭 SCREAMINGFNWNBDWN u know what u should make a pact with them,, they ur besties u ask them to come over a certain time of the day and boom they’d listen,, theyre loyal bc they only come to ur apartment <3 hopefully they listen <3

I feel like lore can be a bit limiting, people are tired of Aespa's lore even though they just started because it's kinda cringy, but when well executed MWAH CHEF'S KISS!

NO FR aespa has a great lore but its literally been a one year into their debut like pls give them a chance 😭😭🤚🏼tHE BLACK MAMBA ONE IS ABSOLUTE CHEFS KISSES

NO BC WHY 🔫🔫 ALWAYS THE US 🔫🔫 NO YEAH WHEN THEY DO THE “north america tour” bestie i thought canada was there 😭😭 what’s 😭😭 happening 😭😭 NAUR THATS SO TRUE THEY GET KCON TOO AND THE EXCLUSIVE SHIT WHEN ASIA-EUROPE LITERALLY BUILT YALL 😭😭🤚🏼

PLS DO !!!!! omg omg that’s so exciting u get to package things all nicely 😭😭😭🤚🏼 JDBWKDHS 10 CALLS IN A ROW WOULD BE EXHAUSTING 😭😭 no bc i thought we were overthrowing the govt not the environment 😭 what happened kq 😭😭😭

Okay I might lend you some of my inches then, we can't have you disowned from the fam <3 I got your baek

pls thank u so much for ur donation i will open a go fund me fhdhd god bless u and ur legsies <33

Omg ETL noice, I chose completely different movies though some choices were haaaaaard. I've seen 10 things I hate about you so many times as well, lol

I WATCHED IT YESTERDAY AGAIN AND HEATH IS SO 😭😭😭😭🤚🏼🤚🏼🤚🏼😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 AAAA,,, hear me out,,, yunho as heath in 10 things i hate abt u

P.S. It happened... I dreamt of Mr Kim...🙈🙉🙊 - DV 💖

excuse me.

u better have written it all down i need ALL the details ASAP RN ASAP RN RN FULL PARAGRAPHS RN 🔫

also pls ignore any typos im terribly sick <3 and my arms r nUMB <3 AND CHOUSAN AND MINGIVDJDKKW??????

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

0 notes

quadratic-shipping · 5 years ago

Text

Kay, new icon is Vriska’s dice cause the gradient was lame, and every Vriska blog halfway to sunday has already had every photo of her face as their icon twice. It also works cause of yknow liking dnd and stuff. one thing I really liked about my last vriska pic one was the negative space made it feel like it popped and I feel like this one has sort of the same thing going for it. Wow, it can be that deep. I’m just rambling cause it’s 3am and yet again I have stayed up this long. I can;t wait til it’s winter again so I can force myself back into a normal sleep schedule. I stayed up all night a couple nights ago, and that gave me one decent night of sleep so I might just try that again tonight. Rest put under the readmore because it’s irrelevant and sleep deprived rambling I wouldn’t dare subject my beautiful followers and browsers to.

While I’m here, posting a late night thing no one will see or interact with; thank god; I was cleaning and I came across one of those neck warmer things that legit just a tube you pull up your face to keep your nose from freezing off because Canada Winters, I never can use them because I always fog up my glasses, and I just wanted to say that Niqabi gals with glasses are so brave? Legit if I had to deal with my glasses fogging up I’d die, I’d rather lose my nose to frostbite than fog them up (like I go outside enough loll) so for them to deal with that everyday is like, legendary. I mean, I guess if you were pretty antisocial you wouldn’t have to deal with it much but still, point totally stands.

While we’re on the positivity train? Lesbians? y’all really like Vriska HUH? Thank you for interacting, I appreciate, yall are so valid. I’m torn between “You have good taste” jokes and “Yall will just like anything w/ vriska in it” and either way it takes too strong a stance on my own content to feel good about it. Obvs goes the same way for all the NB and Trans ppl interacting, yall are also Excellent and I appreciate yall. Obvs I’m cis so I don’t have any real godtier takes or anything abt. gender, but reading your guyss stuff is excellent please keep making it.

Uh sexuality update; Still labelling as bi, IDK if I really want to date men tho, before I actually and FINALLY get a taste of the other side; please; because I feel like the problem with my relationships re; dudes is just that I can’t just be myself, I’m just 900000% in my own head about it and not even like; trying to be idealized, idk whats going on I just have a hard time connecting w/ them and it’s defo my fault so idk bro. IDK it’s fun to have crushes but dating is BORING from my very limited experience with only guys which is why a gf would be excellent. Or girl aligned partner. I feel like maybe what I’m attracted to is like, femininity, not necessarily femmes or women. IDK bruh it’s weird. doesn’t help I can’t even figure out how to get and keep friends LOLLL it’s 3am. Sorry

Honestly before I started vrisrose posting I felt so useless yknow cause in the vriska circles there are a lot of intelligent people who understand canon better and are overall smarter and better spoken so I just felt like everything I had to say was just old hat and not very interesting. But the thing I like about VrisRose is no one else is talking about it as frequently ( I was searching the tag and my blog came up in the recco’s for blogs up top and I was very happy) so I feel like, hey, this is my niche. That one engineer of useless inventions quote: The best way to become top of your field is to specialize:, I jsut love rarepairs so much! I think it’s such a great way to approach character analysis because no one exists in a vaccum so seeing peoples interactions and what people like is so fun!!!! I say, invalidating all my personal issues lollll

CHARACTER ANALYSIS! FUCK TALKING ABOUT INTERACTIONS OR ACTIONS ON THEIR OWN OR THOUGHTS OR HC’S, I STAND BY MY ONE TAAKO ‘vriska did nothing wrong’ QUOTE; Trying to understand what characters morals, and their opinions on certain things by analyzing their opinions and interactions in canon is 500x more productive seeming to me than other things. Like, say taako’s thoughts about vriska, V and Lucretia are p similar actions wise, and he was pissed at her but that was mostly cause of the personal connections, when it doesn’t affect him Taako doesn’t seem to have any moral objections to any of the icky moral stuff; think robot planet or whatevs where they were gonna genocide the place and lup was like no and that was like the only reason he didn’t I’m pretty sure, I’m not too big brained on taako or adventurezone either so don’t take my word; So I think that Taak’s would be chill with Vriska. Another thing? The Lucretia thing was like, giving up which Taako is not ok with and Vriska thigns were about not giving up so I do legit think he would be totally coool with her, even if she were real, unless obvs she hurt one of the seven bird red robe people and their new friends.

ISN;T THAT SUCH A FUN METHOD OF CHARACTER ANALYSIS? I’m not drunk or in an altered state just tired enthusiastic and with a lot of pent up thoughts. Speaking of which, this song just came on it’s “Slowdance with you” by the Marcus Hedges Trend Orchestra and it is SOOOOO good, it’s on a vrisrezi playlist I put on bc I’m rereading song of the pyre because it was vriska day and it’s super good soo so good. It’s on loop now, legit best

Quick detours before I lay out some more hs thoughts;

Overwatch:

-Ben “Captainplanet” came out w/ a new article and I LOVE IT so much and I want hhis job so bad I wanna get into stats so much ahhh please so good it’s giving me a , this is crude but it’s the best way I can phrase it, a math erection. I love math so much <33333333

-The Shock, my faves, are doing well and I’m happy for them! I hope they go 7-0, I believe in them! I’m lying I am so fucking nervous for literally every match they have they’re gonna 2-5 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Why am I so INVESTED? They technically could take first spot but that’s require titan’s to lose every match left and the shock to 7-0, but the thing is I thought that I wanted that but

-then I watched the titans london match today, and I HATED the thought of titans losing. And losing so hard to other teams too, and I didn’t realize this but I think I do actually kinda like the titans?The thought of them not being a great team makes me sad. I think it’s like I really like them and shock as rivals, yknow, stage one and two, then this upcoming map? If Titans aren’t still Good in this meta it just sorta makes their rivalry not fun. Kismesis vibes is what I’m gonna say cause I’m TRASSSHHHHH pls stop my terrible hands from typing also if I ever saw actual ship stuff I would kill whoever made it. Like I’m not gonna check their socials or anything but if they’ve got a match against most teams I’d probs root for them. The Wolf section today was so funny lollll

-I think I might hate the London Spitfire. I have literally no reason to? I think all the players are good and I like them as people and I would never actively hate on them? But I’m like. Really mean to them in my head. I was so satisfied seeing htem lose to Florida, and Titans like IDK? Also they’re hella overrated so anticlutch jfc. Hate the franchise, love the players if that makes sense. IDK WHYYYYYYYYYYY

-Also I’m gonna miss tomorrows shock match and I’m so scared rip.

Misc:

-Tripped backwards and somehow upturned my moms glass scale and it fell on my foot, that shit hurted.

-Oh My God I’m Projecting a million different things right now because I feel like this will not have an audience if you see this I’m begging you please don’t interact I’d die of embarassment keep the fact you’ve seen this a secret from me

HS:

-JFC song of the pyre is an excellent fic, I wish it would ever get updated it’s so fucking good guys

-I need to read more vrisrezi long form

-Non-sgrub vrisrezi is best vrisrezi

-My ideal Vrisrezi au would be like HS canon, diverge into non-sgrub and they completely fall out of touch, Killing Eve season 1, then Song of the Pyre. THAT is what I want.

-Killing eve season one and two would be an even BETTER VRISROSE AU AHHHHHH

-I once read a very good trollstuck rose but it was an eri-rose ship so basically what I want is that persons troll rose but paired with vriska. For how much I blog about it I’ve read very little vrisrose fic but almost everything I know comes from this fic. . Oh uh this is not the erirose fic that I read w trollstuck although it does unfortunately have erirose but I can excuse it when the vrisrose is this Excellent

Alright I’ve run out of hyper juice, have a nice night, sorry for posting thisssss

bye

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andyl394 · 8 years ago

Text

REQUESTED - Light

Request: Hey, could you do a 20. “Hug me so I can Get warm.” and a 21. “You’re like a heater!” Steve Rogers X Reader? Pls? - Anon

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Word Count: 2,446

Warning: FLUFF! Self-doubting, cursing (nothing new), Sexual Tesion(?)

(A/N): HELLO! Well, I’ve been wanting to make a Steve x Reader fic for a while now, and I’m hapPY SOMEBODY REQUESTED IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Btw, today (02.06.2017) will be the return of my classes and I can’t sleep and it is 1:38 A.M and I have to wake up fucking early like 6 a.m, please kill me.

“Fucking Weather.” You cursed, trying to wrap yourself more in your thin layer of coat. “Fucking Nick Fury asking me to come in this fucking weather”

You worked at the Avengers’s intelligence, and you still could not believe that on your day off, the day that you just wanted to be crawled under your cushions, sipping to tea and reading a good book, you couldn’t do those things. Nick Fury said that he needed you immediately, and you had been unlucky enough to be your laundry day and you hadn’t see that you putted your best coat in the middle of the dirty clothes.

“Wow, wow!” You gasped as you bumped into a massive chest; you felt hands on your shoulder as someone secured you, sparing you from falling to the cold ground.

“Sorry, Y/N, I didn’t see you there.” You raised your head only to find Captain America blushing and running his eyes through your body, searching for any bruises.

“So, I’m invisible? Are you saying that I’m not as important as you?” His eyes widened as he shook his head violently, making you bite a grin back; Trying to keep your best impression of as angry, sad person. “Are you telling me that the simple Y/N doesn’t deserve even been seen by the important Steve Rogers?!”

“God, no! Never!” You smirked and hugged your best friend, also, your ultimate crush.

“I’m kidding, Captain. Gosh, why are you so stressed out?” You giggled as he squeaked in surprise and outrage

“You were the one almost punching me, right now!”

“Sh, Rogers! Didn’t your mother taught you that is rude to scream at a lady?” You teased, knowing full well that he would be a perfect gentleman and shut the fuck up. Your heart was bagging hard against your chest by his warmth and by how close you were to his body.

“Lady? I see none.” He said in a sassy tone.

Ouch.

Your hands slipped slowly away from him, and taking a step back, you smiled trying to hide how that had hurt you. Of course fucking Captain America wouldn’t even see you as a woman. You knew that, but damn… It would still hurt! Especially when he would come to you to talk about other women and how to act around them or ask them out, since the times had changed.

Wanda and Natasha were always trying to get you to confess to him, but you knew that he was too much of a gent to say a ‘no’ to you, and you didn’t want him to feel like he needed to go on a date with you.

“Oh… huh… Fury called me so… I’ll go now.” He knew he had said something wrong and that it had hurted you, since you would always tell him that when you were younger, you hated be seen as “one of the guys”. It was just a punch in your already low self-steam.

“Y/N… I-I’m sorry! I-I’m didn’t meant to-”

“It’s okay! I know I’m not ladylike and pretty like the others, I know that. You don’t have to worry, I’m used to people telling me this kind of stuff” You laughed trying to ignore how you felt like crap

“No! Y-you’re-”

“I need to go, Steve.” Steve was surprised by your sad tone and that you called him by his name, you never do that. It would always be “Captain” “Cap” “Rogers” “Hottie” “Sweetie”; But never “Steve”.

“Shit!” He cursed, seeing you following your way with your hands inside your pockets and with your eyes on your boots. “Shit, shit, shit, SHIT!”

“That is a dirty mouth, Captain.” Bucky played as he got close to his friend “Nick is calling you to his office” Steve nodded and started to walk “Hey, you know what’s wrong with Y/N? She looked pretty sad when I met her at Fury’s office. She didn’t even tell me to go to hell when I told her I could make her forget you.” Steve huffed, sending Buck a cold glance

“Away from her, James.” Bucky smirked at his friend jealously

“Are you finally admitting you’re in love with her since you saw her last year delivering the Intel of Prague’s mission?” Steve choked while walking, being followed by The Winter Soldier

“I-I have no idea of what you are talking about!”

“Oh you don’t? So you wouldn’t mind if I asked her out on a romantic date that might end in a happy ending, would you?” He provoked, seeing Steve’s shoulders tense as he ended the sentence

“Okay, I like her! But she doesn’t… See me that way. Y/N can only see me as friend.” He sighed, and I just hurted her feelings and feel like a fucking scumbag, he thought while entering Nick’s office.

You were sitting in one of his chairs, away from everyone and with your arms crossed

“You should apologize.” Wanda whispered next to his ear, making him send her a worried gaze “And tell her what you feel, she’s been hurt enough. Don’t fuck everything even more.” She went to the sit next to you and Natasha glanced coldly at Steve, as if she knew exactly that he was the cause for you to be sad.

“Good everyone is finally here. Well, I just wanted to say that because of Y/N, we are finally able to finish the Prague’s mission. We’ve been working on it for years by now, and ever since she joined our team, we made huge advances. She found the last thing we needed on the last Intel we got. Because of that, we’ll make a make a celebration party tonight!” You rolled your eyes in anger

“You made me wake up early on my day off to warn me of a party?! Couldn’t you just send me a fucking email?” Bucky laughed at your words, if Steve didn’t like you, he would be totally all over you.

“Would you open it?” Fury looked at her with challenge all over his face, she sighed and closed her eyes

“You got the point.”

“Also, if you don’t appear, you’re fired.”

“NOW THAT IS JUST PLAY DIRTY, FURY!” He chuckled and nodded while you huffed and got up, walking towards the exit

“Don’t you want to know the information about the party?”

“Send me an email, like how you should have done in the first place.” You didn’t look into anyone’s eyes, cursing – mentally – Fury for throwing a party right when your self-steam was lying and crying on the ground.

You were late, and that worried Steve since you were never late, no matter what was the occasion. Hell, he thought that even if it were for your death, you would be in time!

“Don’t worry, Cap. She’ll come.” Natasha tried to calm him, hiding her grin when she imagined his reaction when you appeared.

But she couldn’t when Steve spitted his drink when the elevator doors opened, revealing you with a killing dress and a killing make up.

“Is that Y/N?” Sam asked in surprise, of course everyone thought you were pretty, but Natasha made your make up and chose your dress and told you that the party would start two hours later than the actual time, so everyone would be amazed by her work.

Wanda smiled at her partner of crime by your side and said next to your ear

“Why won’t you get us some drinks?” You nodded, unaware of everyone’s attention on you, since you were too busy trying not to fall of your high heels.

You asked for two drinks on the bar, bowing over it, trying to release the pain of your feet.

“Look pal, if you don’t go there right now, I will.” Bucky said to his friend, his eyes on you. Steve took a deep breath and drank all of his drink, trying to gain courage, he looked at you and…

“I can’t.” Bucky groaned and gave a look to Natasha, she rolled her eyes and something grabbed her attention, making a smirk appear on her lips

“Oh, look at that. Isn’t that John from her department going to th-” And the Captain was marching right to you, she knew that Steve hated that guy since he heard him saying that he wanted to – in his own words – ‘fuck you until you couldn’t walk’. “Stupid.” She chuckled before taking a sip of her drink

“You’re looking amazing, Y/N.” Steve whispered at your ear, causing a shiver to walk down your spine and your breath turn sharp. He took the place at your side, winking at stupid John as he did.

“Oh, now you can see me as a lady?” You wanted to sound playful, but it ended looking too sad and bitter, so you giggled thinking it would minimize the damage, but hell, you didn’t have to! He hurted you again, you were done with it!

“About that… I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to-”

“You know what, Cap? I might not be the prettiest woman to walk on earth, or not be the most feminine or ladylike, but I AM a fucking woman. And like everyone else, I have feelings. But know what you did? You stepped on them, again!” He formed a gap with his lips, surprised that you snapped, since you were usually the kind of person that let people know they made something wrong by giving incredibly cold and sharp glances.

“What do you mean with-”

“With ‘again’, you ask? Well, you hurt me every time you go bug me when I’m working to ask me how to talk with other women! When you go and- and… And stare me with those amazing eyes and just ask me “How do I call a woman to a date?” “If I bring flowers to a woman, will she feel flattered like the old days?” God! You could have just stabbed me in the heart with a fucking blazing knife that it would be less painful and-”

Steve, with all his courage, he cutted your speech grabbing you by the waist with one hand and pulling you closer, his other hand stood on your cheek as he kissed you, unable to say anything.

First, you didn’t move, since you were too shocked to even blink.

Second, you still couldn’t move, but you felt like fireworks were being shot inside your chest.

Steve pulled away blushing, looking a little bit sad that you didn’t kiss him back

“I-I’m sorry, I just-”

“Shut up.” And then you passed your arms around his neck and pulled him back, kissing him with your might while he let out a sigh of relief and rounded your waist, almost lifting you from the ground.

You thought he had amazingly soft lips and you couldn’t be happier, the cheerful screams made you two separate smiling at each other and looking around, only to see that everyone were clapping because of you two.

“Finally!” Sam screamed laughing, Wanda smiled widely at the scene; she was getting tired of hearing both of you saying - and thinking - that one didn’t like the other as the one did.

You blushed, hiding your face in Steve’s chest as he laughed, hugging you and kissing the top of your head.

“Let’s go outside.” He whispered and you just nodded, holding his hand and dragging him to the porch, away from all the music and talk, you slipped away from him to watch the city from the protection grid, kicking your shoes to the side and breathing deeply. He watched you for a moment, how you were glowing and amazing with that small smile on the face.

He got closer, carefully standing by your side. Both of you watching different lights. You watched the city’s light while he, he watched you.

“Why?” You asked, finally looking at him. Steve thought that he could watch your eyes for days and days without getting tired.

“I… I like you, Y/N. I like you a lot, actually.” You felt something warming your chest. “But I always thought you didn’t like me back… That you only see me as your friend” He shrugged his shoulders while you smiled at his blushing cheeks

“I also like you, Steve. I really do.” The Captain sighed when he heard those words “Now, Hug me so I can Get warm.” He chuckled at your stretched arms and hugged you, closing his eyes and stroking your back while kissing your forehead “Gosh, You’re like a heater!” You purred, rising your head to face a happy Steve. You felt like melting under his gentle but firm touch, like you were the most precious thing that he had ever held.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N.” He whispered, brushing his lips on your cheek and as you closed your eyes, he kissed you gently, making you sigh.

“You told me this earlier.” Steve made a soft kissing trail to your jaw, whispering next to your ear

“I said that you looked amazing, now I’m telling that you are beautiful, and going to keep saying it. You’re beautiful.” You sighed one more time, feeling like your legs were turning into jelly

“How long have you been feeling this way?” He hugged you harder

“Since the first time I saw you in your sweater pants delivering the Prague’s Intel.” You chuckled; It was truth, that was one of those days you just wasn’t feeling all right, so sweater pants were the best thing to wear.

“Then, why did you kept asking me how to call woman on a date?” You mumbled, hiding your face in his warm chest

“First, I asked Natasha, since she knew you better. But she just told me to ask you.” You frowned your brows and looked at him again

“What?”

“Well, she actually almost screamed at my face “Just ask her!”. So I did, but well, I didn’t had the courage to call you after you tell me how to call someone on a date.” You choked with a laugh, he looked at you confused and damn, that was cute!

“Steve, if that wasn’t the cutest thing ever, I would call you dumb.” You chuckled, hugging his waist “She meant for you to ask me on a date, not to ask me how to call me on a date.” He made a gap with his mouth and you got back to laugh loudly at his blushed cheek

“Well, she wasn’t very specific in her words.” You bit back a grin and stood on your toes to kiss him again, pulling this bottom lip with your teeth, hearing him moan slightly, you smirked at his darkened eyes, whispering over his lips:

“Do I need to be specific on mine?”

Should I make my first smut?

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #captain america #captain america x reader #steve rogers fluff #fanfic #avengers #fluff #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #sam wilson #nick fury #wanda maximoff #steve rogers imagine #imagine steve rogers #imagine captain america

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metronomecharisma · 8 years ago

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TL ;DR : I am myself for good, I confess a lot of stuff, I love make-up and tights, I love my friends so fucking much, and I want everyone to be proud about themselves.

I promised a full story about me wearing tights and make-up and stuff some days ago on my Insagram account. So here it is. I didn’t know if I wanted to share it with you when I started writing it, but In fact I think it’s necessary to share all that with you. I want you to know this story and that I wanted to be myself for good.

Let’s start from the very beginning. I always had a great sensitivity, and some attraction for things that modern society calls “girly things”: hugging your friends, crying, writing our deepest feelings on a diary, having long hair, watching romantic films, loving flowers, loving pink, and a lot of other things. Pretty early I was attracted by beautiful clothes and attitudes that wasn’t « male ». I remember that when I was a child, when I was 6 or 8 (mom help me pls), I had a doll named Léa, and I loved taking care of her, to comb her, to tell her my secrets. I admit I also had weird experiences about discovering sexuality with that doll. I don’t have anymore souvenirs with her, but she was with me for some years, with a little blanket I still have now that one of my aunts, that now live far away from earth since 2004, offered me when I was a baby.

I didn’t have any problems by being me in primary school, despite being shy. I started to had troubles to be a “good boy” when I was in college. Almost every boys in the school was mad about me because I wasn’t male enough : I didn’t have pricey shoes, joggings, hats, vulgar language and stuff. Also I wasn’t into rap music. I grew up listening to Mylène Farmer, Nirvana, Daniel Balavoine, and even Guerilla Poubelle tho. So I forced myself to be a “good boy”: listening to (bad) rap music, wearing baggys, being a stupid disrespectful teenager (wish I could be a grunge or skramz teenager tbh), lying to myself, refusing to face my feelings, my wishes, my sensitivity, my feminity. When I was in my last year of college, I started having access to the internet, and I discovered the whole emo thing through some friends that was in that movement and recommend me some websites and elements of style. It wasn’t at all the “punk” side of emo that I discovered years later, it was all about “scene” stuff, and to be honest, I was completely blown away back in the day… I saw girls and guys with make-up, long and colored hair, lots of colored or pretty dark clothes, slim pants, with lots of feelings… I was like “wow, guys can be like them and being happy and popular and shit. It’s real…”. When I was on the internet at this time, it was for like one or two hours in a whole week because my father was super restrictive and wicked. So I managed to find the password of the computer of the father, and I passed lots of sleepless nights writing feelings on stupid blogs with scene aesthetics before he woke up to go to work… I was looking for recognition, I wanted to feel good about myself, and I refused to be alone because yeah, I felt terribly alone in my family, by beginning to love metal music, by affirming my style, my sensitivity… My father laughed a lot at me because of my sensitivity, because of the way I dressed, my way of expressing myself… The more I asserted myself, the more he mocking me and was violent against me. He hated me when I was a teenager, when I was a scene kid, when I decided to put eyeliner on me, to wear slim pants, to have long and “girly” hair… The more I was hurt by him, the more I wanted to go further and being even more myself each day. He never wanted to hear myself when I was sad, when I wanted to talk with him about life and stuff. I never had any good souvenirs with him, he was never there during my scolarity, he never learned me anything. He never wanted to have sons, only daughters. So at least, he wanted me to be a « good boy ». And I wasn’t that straight dude… And I wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t sorry. One night, he wanted to kill myself, because I stayed 10 more minutes than my authorized time limit on the computer, and I was sad and I needed to speak about myself, when no one was here for me. He grabbed my throat and strangled me with all his might, shouting “I’ll kill you!” He passed the night with cops.

Anyway, during those nights, I learned how to be myself, how to express feelings, how to talk to that kind of people, how to be like them. I met some great people, wonderful women, especially this girl with whom I had a strong relationship for a year, during my 17th year, and with whom I lived proudly my androgyny, she loved that, she even did my hair pretty often, and put makeup on me… I was really lucky, and hey, thank you so much for that, Jessica, you are a great part of who I am today. And yeah, I also met bad people. I made bad stuff too at this time, I was a stupid coward guy during a year, when I was 16, I hurted a joyful and adorable girl called Alison by thinking too much about myself, and I played the victim of the break-up. I’ll never be sorry enough for that, I was a stupid dickhead with her, I acted like my father: constantly being ignorant, constantly being on the Internet. Hope she’ll find that post one day. During those nights, I learned how beautiful a guy can be by being “girly”, androgynous… And I also learned that a good amount of them was terribly macho, with violent thoughts against women, and I strictly refused to think that way. I wanted to be myself, but why girly men were violent against the girls they wanted to look like? Do I really wanted to be like them? Why I started to thing and act like them, like my father? Maybe I wanted to be a good guy in the end, for being accepted, because it was the way I was born, because those androgynous boys themselves needed to be « good boys », because they just wanted to exist for girls and having sex and stuff. At this time I hated the idea to have sex… It’s another debate tho. Then by growing up, I searched again and again who I was, who I wanted to be. Not like them, not a male, just… me ? But fuck, who the hell I was? One thing was sure : I was alone, and never wanted to be a « good boy ». I was lost. I got some friends of course, but I wasn’t able to see them often because of my father, and mom who was under his authority. Then I was 18, the scene movement was almost dead, but I still wanted to look like this but not thinking like most of the boys in that movement, I think I reached a point where I really felt good about my look. I met a girl in my new high school that was half kawaii and half metalhead, and she was seduced by the way I dressed, my hair, the fact I was a guy with make-up and someone that was ��out of step with the world” in our shitty parisian suburb. We spied each other during 3 months, she was pretty talented for that : she succeeded to have my MSN address (yeah, MSN, feel old now?) through a classmate she had missionned for making me sign a false petition… This was fucking crazy haha ! We spoke during a crazy amount of hours in MSN, then met during a cold and snowy day of December. She was so cute with her childish attitude and her yolo lifestyle… I admit her boy-ish side charmed me too. The first six months was some of the best in my young life. She encouraged me to continue to be myself, to leave my house where I suffocated more and more each passing day. I did it, I moved to her bedroom (she lived with her mother), and finally it was time for me to be free… I was wrong. I will not go into details, but she forced me to be someone I didn’t want to be, wanted to rob me and deprive me of my privacy, my sensitivity, my privacy, my friends, my website, my music tastes, my femininity. I had no right to approach her, to cuddle or kiss her, while I wanted to give her tons of love, sweetness, warmth, to tell her how she was cute and unique, how she was courageous to fight the malady that will paralyze her arms and legs, how I was frustrated, disappointed, terrified of this situation, how I missed the herself of that 22 December of 2012 so fucking much. When we made love together, it was completely cold and distant… Like, there was no love, no complicity, she wanted me to have sex, but didn’t want it at the same time… It was so weird. So I didn’t know how to act. I always was 100 % gentle and caring with her in those moments, but she remained cold, silent… I remember to sob out and wanted to scream loud as fuck one night after making love this way once again, and stifle my tears and my breath as hard as possible on the pillow so she wouldn’t hear me, and then she asked me “Yo, you’re OK?” and was like “yeah, all is fine!”, and we fell asleep, and so it went on for two years. I was afraid every day of having missed something because of my way of being, I was afraid to not being here enough for her, I was afraid, afraid of everything, afraid of me. At the end of this relationship, I lost all trust and self-esteem in myself, I repressed everything I had built and deconstructed, I just wanted to end everything and eventually wanted to start again from zero. Ultimately, to flourish as a good boy would be the way to spare me worries and being in peace with everything? I believed it.

I began to acquire somewhat disgusting ideals about women, alternative lifestyles, I started to have short hair, to be dressed like a fucking businessman, I started to troll everywhere, to be misanthropic and selfish… I was the complete opposite of the real me. I started to make friends this way, but none of them was good people, or safe. I was in a way to fucked up even more my already well fucked up life. And fortunately, even if it was super bad done at this time, I was always thinking, every time, every hour, every fucking second. And I was thinking about my actions, I was convinced that I made all that shit to be someone, to exist. But I cowardly close my eyes because I was someone to some people, I wasn’t alone. Then I finally started to REALLY start from zero the day I realized my actions were bad and wasn’t at all soothing or constructive for me and people around. It was scary as fuck but it was the best decision I ever made about me. I again isolated myself by forgetting these bad relationships, I thought about what I really liked to do, live, feel, see, listen, say, eat, drink… It took me 3 years. 3 years to find myself again, to deconstruct and reconstruct everything. To remember how the fuck I loved putting eyeliner on me, to be cheesy and lovely as fuck with people, to support every fucking kid who was alone, who was oppressed because of the way they felt with themselves, the way they dressed, their identity… Since I took over my life in hand, since I really decided to make something cool with my blog, that I really am myself, I met fantastic people, I lived perfect, wacky, unforgettable moments, I realized that my life is beautiful in spite of everything that happens around us, and it’s more and more beautiful thanks to this group of friends who consolidates since last year. I’m so fucking happy with myself since I’m cheesy and feminine and sensitive and expressive again. I think I look great, I’m happy by seeing myself this way in the mirror. When I tried that floral tights some days ago, with a grey tie-dye short above, it was completely unreal. It was like I waited to see me this way since my birth, I found myself so great… Like never before. I had tears of joy and flourishing in my eyes. No lies.

I can’t being 100% this way at work, unfortunately. Maybe 80% of myself can be showed to customers? I can’t wait to find another job where I can be totally me, it will be hard, but I think I can find it… Well, I hope :’) I’m feeling more myself than ever with that floral tights, with that black shorts, with my fringe and long hair, with eyeliner, with nail polish, with my childish attitude. And 100% of my actual friends and lots of punx people love me this way, and I can’t thank them enough for this. Some people aren’t aware yet of all I say on this post before reading this, so hey mom, hey dad, hey family, hey facebook friends : here’s your non-binary small vegan skramzkid, more happy and proud than ever, struggling with bad looks in the streets but not giving a fuck about it in the end, saying fuck you to every racist, sexist, machist, transphobic, ableist people, living his life fully because we only have one, taking care of each friend, each life around me, being me, being him, being her, being good. A super cool friend asked me what pronouns to use to talk to me… You can use they/them and “iel” for french people. Also “he” or “she” none will disturbs me, I feel good in my boy’s body as in my femininity, the most important for me is to feel good about myself. Maybe one day I’ll feel better with one pronoun rather than the other. Maybe. Who knows, life’s surprising, right ? :)

Hey everyone, please, be proud of who you are. Your body & mind are fucking YOURS. We only fucking living once, it’s OUR time, OUR lives. You are great, you matters, you are beautiful, you are NOT alone, no matter the age, color, origins, « imperfections » you have. Please, don’t let common people tell you how to dress, to think, to live, to love, to have sex, be YOU, ALWAYS. And if you are against all that, FUCK YOU, unfriend me, unfriend every of my friend, forget me, I don’t want you in my life because I live AGAINST you.

*insert all the lyrics of « rather die young, than die young at heart » of Rainmaker* « Mais d'où vient cette étrange impression de sentir mes mots se briser sous ce bloc de discours agencés, sous le poids du pré-pensé… Advienne que pourra, j'ai fait mon choix. Désolé mon gars, encore libre à moi de refuser ce qu'on t'a inculqué, je n'ai pas à m'y plier, à ton mal à penser ! Encore libre à moi de refuser ce qu'on t'a inculqué, ce qu'on veut m'imposer ! » Belle Epoque - Le mal à penser.

Yours truly, Guillaume.

#they/them #guys with makeup #nonbinary #being myself #proud #sorry not sorry #skramzlyfe #guys with long hair

3 notes · View notes

lesbianbruabba · 6 years ago

Note

All of the questions 😈

Jokes on you bitch I have time since I’m waiting for drag race to air but oh my god this is gonna be long so i’ll pull an Iza and put it under a read more

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I don’t know

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Shy, even though I don’t feel like I am, people tell me I’m shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My brother when he comes here oh my god. I miss him. I’m going to make him watch a couple crazy music videos and possibly scar him.

@lettiehigh and @akakuro4869-blog and @rippling-waves when I get back to Hong Kong and Tiff and Bella and Karl and Ellie and Miss R and everyone else

@samrull and Lettie again and maybe @lecafenoirx if I go to Bristol in September to see flor

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I’d say so! Unless you give me a reason to dislike you lol

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Probably but that’s a stupid question since I don’t drink :)

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Kind people. Usually more on the feminine side? Even the more muscular guys that I thirst after have a few feminine traits like a higher-pitched voice.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Nope, I’m going back to Hong Kong so there’s even less chance of me being in a relationship lol

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Ryan Ross [insert tongue emoji]

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Nope. I’m usually way too open, quite a few of my friends are this way too. Literally one time my brother and I shared a hotel room and the first thing he said when my folks were out of earshot is complaining how he can’t jack off for a whole week (I asked him why he couldn’t do it in the shower, he said it was too much effort to do so standing up XD)

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Kasia or Iza about body image? define deep

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Call him or dump his useless ass?” to Lettie

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Victorious by P!atD, Dodie Clark’s cover of Somebody Else by the 1975, I Need My Girl by the National, Pożyczony by Sylwia Grzeszczak and Honey by Kehlani

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yeah! People at school used to love braiding my hair because it was so long. And I like playing with people’s hair, because I can French braid on others but I can’t do it with myself :/

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Sometimes?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I’ll say last summer since it’s not quite summer yet now. Well, I was accepted into Edi, got a 38 on the IBDP which is not too bad, and celebrated my birthday with my squad (rip)

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Yep :)

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I fkin hope not

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

My first actual crush or like, elementary school crush? But no on both counts

19. Do you like bubble baths?

I’ve never had one :/ I’ve never had a ~bath~ tbh. I want to try in the summer because home in Hong Kong has a bathtub.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I like my flatmates here, we like the same kind of porn and vines. I don’t know my neighbors well enough back home

21. What are you bad habits?

I trust too easily, I am intelligent but lazy when it comes to schoolwork (I procrastinate), I worry way too fucking much about everything, I have crushes on people that I should NOT have crushes on sometimes (see: gay men)

22. Where would you like to travel?

I answered this a while back I think but as far as I could remember it’s a lot of european places - Oslo, Aarhus (I’m going to Copenhagen!!), Moscow, Tallinn, Berlin, Lublin, Warsaw, Kraków, Gdańsk, Lyon, Lisbon, Prague, honestly just count in every capital haha. I’m not good at geography. Also, Tasmania, Tokyo, Osaka (I’ve been twice but it’s. So good), London, Glasgow are all places I’d go again.

23. Do you have trust issues?

With my mum yeah lmao

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Talking to my friends (basically everyone I’ve tagged up there I don’t have many friends lmao)

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My thighs because they’re heavily scarred, my tummy because fat, double chin, face because weirdly big lips and weird shape and small eyes, honestly most of my body if I’m being honest, when I’m not corseted.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Go through tumblr, twitter, instagram, kik, snapchat, emails, facebook, usually in that order. And then maybe scroll a bit more through tumblr and drag myself awake. Brush teeth and drink juice for breakfast.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

My skin tone is fine. I’m kinda pale for a Chinese girl (according to others, but my skin’s gotten darker in recent years) so I sometimes have to use white people products. I only lighten my skin for doing goth-y makeup so in those instances i’d love to have lighter skin. (then again, I’m talking like...wallpaper white if possible pls)

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My friends and my brother.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

What exes lmao

30. Do you ever want to get married?

If it’s with the right person yeah.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

My hair is long enough for several pony tails

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Men - Jawn and Ryan Ross

Women - Stephanie Beatriz and Lynn Gunn

33. Spell your name with your chin

cbhreusftjd

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Exactly - what sports?

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

Without TV. I can’t live without music.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Would’ve said yes up to this morning haha

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

So, do you know what a furry is?

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Emo, responsible, kind, good sense of humor, understanding, appreciates Ryan Ross, doesn’t mind me checking my phone a lot [insert date in Hong Kong meme]

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Damaged Society for band merch, Ann Summers for lingerie, various taobao shops for lolita fashion, Restyle for corsets

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Study linguistics at university. Hey! I’m doing that!

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

No but most people do

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I don’t feel like talking/I’m depressed/I’m thinking

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Not like randomly?...

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

NEITHER I LIKE BEING SAFE OH MY GOD

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Brushing my teeth or needing to pee?

46. What are you paranoid about?

I’m paranoid that I won’t graduate uni, about not being able to find a job that I will be happy at (doesn’t have to be a dream job but I don’t want to work at something I hate like a factory), I’m paranoid that no one will ever love me esp. romantically, that my family will never accept me as a bisexual woman, that I won’t be able to migrate to the UK before I’m 30 or worse before China takes back Hong Kong in 2047 and I will be trapped in hellish censorship conservative society, that depression and anxiety will drive me to off myself before any of that could even happen

47. Have you ever been high?

Noooooooooo don’t do drugs :( I say, even though I am friends with a drug dealer lol

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Nope, alcohol tastes gross

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Recently no. But like when I was a kid yeah

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Pink!

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Every day :/

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I want to weigh 80lbs. It’s been this stupid ‘goal’ throughout teenagehood and I know it’s stupid and unhealthy but I really want to. I don’t care if I won’t have boobs.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Maybelline has good concealer

54. Favourite store?

Damaged Society

55. Favourite blog?

Can’t make me pick between these two

56. Favourite colour?

Pink

57. Favourite food?

Tiramisu and also siu mai but only the fish ones because they taste like garlic and also calbee chips, british junk food is garbage compared to the stuff we have in hong kong (they’ve got good sweets here though)

58. Last thing you ate?

Spaghetti carbonara

59. First thing you ate this morning?

I didn’t eat today till dinner which was spaghetti carbonara

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I got first runner up in a nationwide comp for poetry. I wrote a depressing poem that ended up with my English teacher sending a concerned email to my folks lol

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

*gasp* I am a good student

62. Been arrested? For what?

Oh my god. I’m a good girl. I’m not with that kinda shit

63. Ever been in love?

I have fallen in love but not like...reciprocated love, no

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Ooh this is fun. He offered to be my first kiss and I said sure and we made out and it was nice and less scary than I thought but I forgot to close my eyes

65. Are you hungry right now?

No I had too much spaghetti :(((((

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

are you calling my tumblr friends fake

But no I love them all. Also given that half of my irl friends are on tumblr idk what to say lmao

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr is the MOST SUPERIOR SOCIAL MEDIA BECAUSE IT IS TRASH

69. Are you watching tv right now?

We’d need a TV license for that. and a TV. so no

I’ve got netflix

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Lettie, Chloe, Iza, Natalie, Daniel (my brother), Karl, Bella (but she’s mad at me so idk), there’s a couple of people who I consider close friends but idk if they’re okay with me calling them my best friends

71. Craving something? What?

A GETAWAY FROM THE SMOOTH TALK THAT’S KEEPING ME GROUNDED TO THE CARPET IN MY ROOM MY QUIET BLUE TOMB OF YOU

72. What colour are your towels?

Both purple why

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One. Or zero if I kick it to the floor by accident. I mostly hug it.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

No :(

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

zero. I have a stuffed L Lawliet from Death Note though. It’s a present for my mum when I get home. I’ve also got a few stuffies back home courtesy of Lettie and Bella

75. Favourite animal?

Humans but I like dogs and cats and rats are kinda cute too?

76. What colour is your underwear?

Right now it’s white but I’ve got beige and grey ones I’m kinda boring

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Coffee

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

White, my waterparks shirt :)

80. What colour pants?

Blue denim shorts

81. Favourite tv show?

Drag race, b99, the good place, parks and rec, ASOUE

82. Favourite movie?

Dzien Swira it’s funny and depressing

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean girls but i’ve not seen the second one

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean girls, idk what the other one is

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

The nice girl

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk...the blue fish? Ellen Degeneres?

87. First person you talked to today?

Iza

88. Last person you talked to today?

Kasia

89. Name a person you hate?

Uhhhhhhhm Doanld Trump?

90. Name a person you love?

My brother he’s so smart and creative and sweet and makes the worst puns and he loves fall out boy and tries to be an edgelord and it’s super adorable so that’s great

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

My feelings bc they dumb

92. In a fight with someone?

Kiiiiiiiinda? More like she’s mad at me and idk what to do about it because i refuse to go to fucking london with her because international plane tickets are expensive as heck and she wants me to go in the middle of summer when i’m home

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

easy, 0

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

A Lot. Like 10.

95. Last movie you watched?

Dzien Swira

96. Favourite actress?

Sara Canning and Stephanie Beatriz make me v gay

97. Favourite actor?

Neil Patrick Harris because Count Olaf

98. Do you tan a lot?

No lmao

99. Have any pets?

m-my brother...?

100. How are you feeling?

Impatient because drag race hasn’t aired yet. Lonely because my favorite flatmate moved out and there’s no one to chat with me at 3am anymore. Frustrated because my crush-y feelings are being dumb. Sad because my mum is kiiiiiiiiiiiinda homophobic and I imagine myself getting married to a woman not a man (it’s more likely) so :/

101. Do you type fast?

68 WPM? Is that fast?

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

I regret a lot of things. But it’s okay I’ve not turned out too bad overall considering. I’m also glad I did a lot of things, so

103. Can you spell well?

I think so yeah

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yes absolutely in particular one person because sometimes I regret things that I did with good intentions and never stop regretting :/

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

I’ve been to a campfire so kinda??

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Nah

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes!! When I was a kid

108. What should you be doing?

It’s 1am so prolly sleeping but who has time for that amirite

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Yeah my mum. And my feelings

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yes lmaoooooo don’t read me like this

111. Do you have trust issues?

This was a question up there. Why is it asked again. You’re making me have trust issues

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Ooh shit I don’t know I haven’t cried in front of people for a while mostly because I shut myself in my room but prolly my brother or my mum back home

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Never had one (that I liked)

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

~that’s not a thing~ uwu

115. Do you play the Wii?

No my mum is against video games

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yes I’m listening to Dear Uber Driver

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Never had it

118. Do you like Chinese food?

I like dim sum and egg tarts and a lot of HK street food so yes?

119. Favourite book?

Suck Less by Willam

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Sometimes, but at other times it’s oddly comforting

121. Are you mean?

:o I am the least mean person to exist

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No unless it’s in NTAL but even then it’s like hmmmm is it tho

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Lol no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I think it’s possible but unlikely

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah I’d like to

126. Are you currently bored?

No because this is keeping me entertained until I can watch drag race

127. What makes you happy?

Talking to my friends, sending them dumb tumblr shitposts, sending my brother disturbing gifs, getting weird gifs from Chloe, thirsting over Jawn with Iza, hearing that my friends are happy, reading and sharing poetry with friends, listening to music, playing the ukulele, eating junk food and watching b99, answering tumblr asks, writing poetry, drawing

128. Would you change your name?

I don’t like Christie so yes. Would change my Chinese name too it’s too annoying to write.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Leo//rabbit

130. Do you like subway?

No :(

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Brenda, he’s gay. Very very very gay, think a 6 on the kinsey scale

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Again. this has been asked. What kinda unprofessionalism

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

I think with my heart and love with my head

134. Can you count to one million?

I mean...in theory yes but why would I do that

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I told my mum I was striaght lmao

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed. What the fuck

137. How tall are you?

5′2

138. Curly or Straight hair?

I have straight hair, I want wavy hair. Or bangs.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

I have black hair. I tend to have blondes/general bright hair as a ‘type’ when it comes to romantic affection/crushes but it’s also not v accurate

also, I want pink hair. I had a dream where my brother loved MANIA so much he dyed his hair purple

140. Summer or Winter?

WINTER. BUT WITHOUT SNOW. Summer brings out my skin problems so I have a v valid reason to hate it. Also I’m fat so my thigh chafe in summer if I walk more than an hour

141. Night or Day?

I am usually, unfortuantely, only awake at night and like maybe late afternoon.

142. Favourite month?

I don’t have one. December I guess bc it’s acceptable to play christmas music. or June bc pride month

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope. I don’t love meat though.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Milk. With sea salt and caramel. I’m a classy hoe

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee. Either iced americano or some sweet frappe shit

146. Was today a good day?

Today was a very good day. I told my crush I liked her, slept away most of the day, watched a lot of brooklyn nine-nine and listened to Dodie while doing German and Polish on duolingo and I read Chloe’s poetry and it was very good. Link here. And Kasia gave me lots of good song recs. And drag race is up soon (it’s technically tomorrow but whatever).

147. Mars or Snickers?

I can’t pick because Snickers has such a great texture, but also mars bars has the perfect nougat to caramel to chocolate ratio? Probably mars wins out by a bit

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Hewwo” - Aquaria, RuPaul’s Drag Race

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

I’d like to think souls can see what we’re doing after they pass away.

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“Adjective opposites and their comparatives” from a Polish grammar book.

Thank you for this long ass ask

drag race still hasn’t fucking aired so i’m gonna watch more b99 and drink fanta

#answered #anon #about me #hi i gave up on using tags bc it's annoying so i tagged everyone once and thats it #it's all the usual suspects that i tag anyway #xo fuckers

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