#options were: yield or die together

[estarion]

btw astarion might just fucking die soon bc no way is he letting @astralrogue or anyone dominate him ever. bYE. TIME TO FRY .. . . . ...

[gerdy-sertorius]

"I Love This Little Life We Built"

I find the torchlit ending of the Epilogue to be the best among them, even beyond the gorgeous Danse Macabre, because it is the truest to the twin natures of you, it is the ending that both of you would choose for the sake of the other and yet it is the ending in which nobody wins. Though perhaps the Long Quiet in a diegetic manner does not understand that the Princess is yielded to the Shifting Mound every time she feels the starlight of the world enter her eyes, we the player (if they were indeed to get the torchlit ending) are, crucially, all too aware of that, and I would assume that is the predominant reason that we would choose the "stay with her" option rather than the "leave with her" one. With regards to the Deconstructed Damsel, it is a different story, but to some extent the same logic of "protecting her from those all-powerful hands" remains a priority.

So though you may not leave together, lest she be taken and the love story be destroyed and begin anew, you can at least remain together. But the Princess wants to leave, she wants to see the world and, to some extent, be wrapped in those cold arms, she wants to abandon her vessel and join the conglomeration. She wants to commit suicide. But you prevent her, and, because this Princess is pliable to her core, she reticently accepts that. But she is unhappy with this. She does not understand that she will die, and the Long Quiet does not have the words and knowledge in order to explain it to her. And so she is unhappy, she does not understand why she cannot leave and she does not understand why she must stay trapped within her hell. Why she must live. And, of course, the Smitten cannot bear that, everything goes dark, and we die.

We appear in a place where she has, in part, come to terms with the fact that she is unhappy, that she will forever be unhappy, because just as we are willing to bear the heartbreak for our partner, so too is she. And so she smiles with a melancholy fondness and allows us to participate in this life that we put together, she, though we have denied her for what seems like no reason at all, continues to love us. She entertains us, she feeds us, she engages in conversation with us, she portrays herself as happy for our sake. And we too, we smile all the while as the food grows rancid, as the games grow boring, and as apathy eats us alive. Because to leave with the Princess is the death and rebirth of her, and we cannot allow that to happen. And Smitten, the same one to kill us in the beginning, almost begins to understand this. He takes care of the Princess and traps her both, just as we do, and she does not understand why, only that he genuinely does care for her yet still hurts her in this way.

And finally, rather than making the other unhappy, we each sit in our own unhappiness forever, each one of us insufficient in totality, yet utterly devoted to the other. She cannot understand us, and we cannot understand the pain that she is going through. But we grin and bear it, because an eternity of this is still better than death for her. We have become the Narrator, and she has too, just as the Danse Macabre is the ultimate rejection of the Narrator. We love her, she loves us, and because of that, we damn ourselves to an eternity of nothing, each of us secure in the knowledge that the other one loves us, and that we love them, and we waste away in decay.

And in the end, the hands take her nonetheless, all our agony so vain.

[windebris]

just found this empires season 1 au from 2022 that i wrote... this is actually so good wait. it's an anastsia au that kind of combines the animated movie and the broadway musical? but also has its own twists

Anya: Scott (xornoth amnesia-ed him to save him from the burden of being champion, aeor and exor said okay. you cant have him either tho)

Dmitri: Jimmy (grew up at swamp by the sea, seablings canon to Me, he and scott fall in love when reversing the amnesia with him too close in range reveals psat lives!)

Vlad: Lizzie (grew up at the sea, in love with Joel, hasnt seen him in ten years, willing to give up her empire for him)

Countess: Joel (ended up at Rivendel after getting separated from Lizzie when they barricaded the ocean so no one could escape the mountains)

Dowager: (cursed) Xornoth (was told he and scott were champions at young age, decided screw that im protecting my baby brother, amnesia-ed him, very sad and controlled almost completely by aeor and exor)

Rasputin: Exor (sent scott to ocean to punish Xornoth, intended for him to die so Aeor would be less powerful; yielded half his control over Xornoth to Aeor)

Gleb: Aeor (initially agreed with exor, changes mind somewhere in plot and tries to protect Scott at the very end bc still his champion, has half of Xornoth but tries to let him live)

Xornoth and Scott, at the end, pass the empires to Joel and Lizzie to rule

Scott and Jimmy intend to run away together at the end but Jimmy dies lol so instead Scott spends his days in Rivendel with Xornoth in the archives

Instead of a diamond, scott has gold deer antler pendant

Joel + Xornoth (against gods), have an alliance that aeor knows about and tries to keep them safe from exor AND stop them from undermining the gods too much

Switch vlad and countess’ mannerisms, keep their story (take countess from broadway not the movie)

Ocean Empire has guard of the axolotl instead of communists, in an uneasy alliance with the stag gods because theyve no other option (rivendell is more powerful bc magic)

Used to have strong leaders, but they were "killed" by the previous champions of the stags and there’s been a power vacuum ever since (lizzie and jimmy sent to live as peasants for their safety) (potential sequel) (sequel would revive jimmy bc he was captive in idk cogsmead or smth)

[the-blind-assassin-12]

So Darkness I Became

1200 words for 1200 followers #7

A/N: Hi friends! Welcome to the 12-A-Palooza! This event is my way of saying thank you for sticking with me. Your support and kindness toward me and my writing is out of this world and I’m grateful for every last one of you! The idea for this one jumped up and bit me on the nose almost immediately, and I know it’s a little out there, but I hope you still enjoy it! This takes place in the time before Din rejoins the covert, when he’s still just going from bounty to bounty to pass the time without Grogu and trying to figure out what the heck to do with the damn Darksaber. I have two more requests for Din for this event, and right now I *think* one of them might be a follow up to this... but we’ll see.  💚

Warnings: not much, honestly. mild angst and canon-typical danger. 

Requested By: @prolix-yuy​ Song: Cosmic Love Character Choice: LJ gave me the options of Din or Ezra, correctly asserting that this song is perfect for both of the space boys - and to my surprise, being an Ezra girl, I decided to go with Dinjamin. Thank you for sending this one in, darling! I hope you enjoy where I took it! 

Summary: You and Din have been working together for a while now, but there are still more things that you don’t know about each other than you do. That doesn’t stop you from feeling how you feel, though. When Din follows a lead that he hopes will yield information on the Darksaber’s previous owners, you find out if those feelings are enough to make you risk everything to help him. 

“Stay with the ship.” 

Those were his last words to you before disappearing through the door. The hefty metal plate slammed shut behind him, the sound echoing in the empty hull and resonating through your bones. Watching him go felt wrong - cold and final. Though you tried, you couldn’t stave off the thought that he wouldn’t return. 

No. You swallowed hard. He will. He always does. 

The two of you had been working together for a year. It had been a partnership of desperation at first - you out of ammo and on the run from the brothers of some Klatooinian capo you’d turned in, and Din armed to the teeth but without a ride off-world. He’d helped you dispatch the brothers, and you’d taken him where he needed to go, and then you had meant to part ways. But before you could refuel, he had shown back up at the spaceport with a handful of bounty pucks and the proposition of teaming up and splitting the profits on them. 

It was only supposed to be until he saved up enough for his own ship. But that mark had come and gone and you were still a team of two, and though neither of you had opened up, neither of you seemed eager to suggest that you split up, the unspoken threat of loneliness enough to keep you tethered. 

Even when the types of jobs you took became more personal than profitable, like the one that you were currently on. On Dathomir. 

The name alone was enough to chill you. You had never set foot there, and you never intended to. Dathomir was dangerous, its landscape as unforgiving as the creatures that inhabited it. But its history of malevolence left the planet scarred in ways that terrified you. You’d heard rumors of a vergence there, a well of Dark side energy that was powerful enough to corrupt anyone who fell prey to it, especially those who were in tune with the Force.

Like me. 

You shuddered, recalling what you’d said to convince him not to chase whatever knowledge he sought, careful not to reveal your secret. “Dathomir’s a one-way ticket, Djarin. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to die in a bog.” 

You’d always hidden your abilities, knowing that it was your best chance at survival - and that meant that despite spending the last year with him, Din didn’t know. You weren’t sure how he would react to learning that you were Force-sensitive, but if it meant losing him you weren’t willing to risk it. Just like you weren’t sure how he’d react to learning that you had started to develop feelings for him. You kept those to yourself, too. 

He’d answered with a tilt of his helmet. “I won’t ask you to follow me. But if there’s something I can learn there about this?” He gestured to the hilt at his waist. “I have to go. This is the Way.” 

You knew as soon as he used that phrase there was no changing his mind. All you could hope for was an urgent call to pull him away before you reached the Quelli sector. It never came. 

So you waited, eyes glued to the monitor that tracked his location. You held your breath as you watched the little throb of light descend into a cave. That same cold feeling you had when he left slithered through every fiber of your being as the beacon on the screen blinked - and then blacked out. 

Your heart lurched. With shaking hands you smacked the monitor, hoping it was a glitch, but the beacon was gone. No! 

You were half-way down the ladder before the comm link on your wrist crackled, his voice coming through speaking your name. “You – right. – shouldn’t have – here. You – – go!“ 

“Din!” Your pulse smashed against your eardrums as you responded. “ I’m not leaving you. I’m…” You choked on tears you didn’t know were falling. “I’m coming.” 

“No.” More interference bled through the speaker. Beneath it you could hear him groan in pain. “You – “ He let out another distressed sound. “Go!” 

And then the comm cut out, too. 

In that instant, you made the choice that you realized never was one. Nothing could keep you from going after him, not even your fear of the Dark side. You didn’t even stop to arm yourself, bypassing the weapons locker and heading straight for the door, leaping from the ship. Without turning back, you raised your right hand across your body and over your shoulder, swiveling your wrist so that your palm faced the sky, and then clenching your fist and bringing it back down, the door of the ship slamming shut. 

Without the beacon or the comms you would have to focus to find him. You silenced your thoughts as you ran, concentrating on Din - on the way his solid presence felt beside you, on the way you could feel his heartbeat when you reached across the cockpit with the Force. You followed your instincts until you were at the mouth of the cave he had disappeared into, and then it wasn’t just a feeling. 

You could hear his heart beating in the dark. 

It was slow and weak, but the rhythm was unmistakably his. You pushed further into the cave until the air was thick and you couldn’t see beyond your nose. The relief you felt was fleeting, though, as suddenly the space was lit with an eerie green light… reflecting off Beskar armor. 

At the far end of the cave, near what appeared to be an altar, you saw him slumped against the stone, glowing green tendrils coiled around his chest. 

“He is ours.” A disembodied voice hissed.

“He has brought it back to us. The Darksaber.” 

“And now he is our soldier.” 

To your horror, the visor on Din’s helmet glowed the same green as he hovered to his feet, and you knew there was only one thing you could do to save him - the thing you feared the most. But you didn’t hesitate. Reaching far beyond your limits, you tapped into the Darkness, harnessing it instead of pushing it away. 

“No.” You growled, slowly shaking your head and reaching out with your right hand. Curling your fingers and twisting your wrist in the air, you ripped the hilt of the obsidian blade from Din’s belt. “You will not use him. You will not take him.” The sword flew to your grasp and you ignited it instantly. “You will release him, or I will destroy this cave and you along with it.” 

It felt like crumbling, letting that much power flow through you. But you fought it, focusing on the faint sound of his heartbeat. The voices shrieked and wailed, retreating into the Darkness. Just as you thought you would break, Din was released from his trance. 

As soon as he was free you dropped to your knees, panting and dizzy, but before you lost consciousness you felt his gloved hands land on your shoulders. At his touch you felt a wave of calm wash over you, your name the last thing you heard before you fell into his arms. 

Safe. We’re safe now, Din. 

.

.

Thank you for reading! If you’d like to be added to or removed from the tag list, please feel free to let me know. You can also fill out the form on my Masterlist! :)

tags: @something-tofightfor​ @gollyderek​​ @pheedraws​​ @beautifuldesastre​​ @alraedesigns​ @valkblue​  @fific7​  @commanderlola​  @cannedsoupsucks​ @dihra-vesa​ @marauderskeeper​ @disgruntledspacedad​ @littlemisspascal​ @mishasminion360​ @stevie75​ @nyctophiliiiiaaa​ @practicalghost​ @tanzthompson​ @harriedandharassed​ @woodlandmouth​ @thescarletfang​ @trickstersp8​ @princessxkenobi​ @imtryingmybeskar​ @WildMoonFlower @mswarriorbabe80​ @hp-hogwartsexpress​ @theredwritingwitch​ @silverstarsandsuns​ @competentpotato​ @pedro-pedrito-pascalito​ @jedi-in-crocs​ @hannahkatharine​ @anoverwhelmingdin​ @chiyo13​ @myloveistoolittle​ @spishsstuff @noisynightmarepoetry 

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trimax Thoughts Vol. 14 Pt. 2

We're in the home stretch... last stream of consciousness post! The story ends with these last four chapters...

Oh. Ok. Immediately hitting me with this on the first page. "What's there left to see?" "Let's see the world together." "I wanted to see tomorrow with him." Just another way of showing us that Vash is not driven to survive this fight anymore.

!!! The lights again! He heard Meryl!!! AGHHHHH

I'm actually a little unsure of who is saying the "hey, come on, Vash the Stampede" lines. I'm assuming he's saying this to himself. I don't think anyone else makes sense.

The ambiguity of this situation is so fascinating, and it all comes from the way we almost never see the Plants' true perspectives. We know, at least, that they talk amongst themselves. Before the battle began, the ones who were not fused were concerned and worried over the outcome, and what the right decision is. Knives claims here that they were all united in their hatred of humans over the abuse they suffered, but we also see these dreams that Knives sees also of a mix of human cruelty and kindness - the same thing they transfer to the humans when the feathers start falling. They also all know and seem to like Vash - honestly, I'm of the mind that the Plants feel somewhat neutral about humans overall, and are primarily concerned with not hurting their own kind - which includes both Knives and Vash. Unfortunately, they have very little control or free will in this situation. There are two possibilities for the emotions of the fused entity here:

Knives, having walled himself from truly fusing so he can still direct it and maintain his sense of self, is simply feeling his own hatred, intensified by the power boost from the rest of the Plants - and Vash's interference is something he feels due to having a stronger connection with him specifically.

The Plants, having a less defined sense of self in general, feel whatever the dominant consciousness feels - so all the fused Plants really do feel hatred for humanity. When Vash connects though, they feel his grief and sorrow, as he is the one with the stronger Gate.

I think the second option makes more sense - and this kind of makes this whole situation even more tragic for the Plants... it makes it even harder to glean what they actually want. (Though the situation could be drastically improved if they were recognized as conscious entities - that at least would be a start.)

I like that we still, even in the final act, see Vash allowed to be a bit afraid and hesitant - he definitely knows this is going to be overwhelming and probably going to hurt a lot. With him being as exhausted and prepared to die as he is, he could've just been written as utterly indifferent to the pain but no, even with all that, he's still got a bit of a preservation instinct. It's very real actually.

"I felt that! Where are you?!" "Don't touch me!" <- ...brothers...

Oh it's actually breaking apart... but um. What happens to the Plants...? :(

"I beg of you... once again... grant me that ticket." 😭

MERYL YOU ARE THE STRONGEST PERSON IN THIS MANGA I LOVE YOU FOREVER

YES!

Also this means they're all going to see Vash too, doesn't it?

WAIT. HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE PLANTS. They call him Red Brother? That is so cute... And they are convinced to give love and peace a try because Vash knows and loves both of them... humans and Plants...

(I actually am now thinking, because of the feather we saw on Vash before, that he wasn't talking to himself but that was in fact the Plants urging him to get up... I wasn't aware they could use speech or just images/emotions, so I wasn't sure.)

:') (I was so scared for them guys. But this is interesting - can progress be made so they don't have to live in the lightbulbs? That would be a good step towards instating more autonomy for them.)

AAAAAAAAAAA :''')

"But I will not yield. Our past and our future will not allow it." <-Sunk cost fallacy again. I wonder just how much of the conflict in this series are the characters feeling unable to change simply because they've "come this far". Might be interesting to go back and look on a re-read.

Knives... :(

"I was the one who broke away." 🫠

That's what she told him??? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

IN COMES CHRONICA WITH A STEEL CHAIR

Vash saved him!!!

Oh. The wings... they each only have one... because they shouldn't have been separate like that...

Help girl I am. On the floor. Crying.

"Oh and welcome to No Man's Land." Livio you are so funny

WHAT WAS THE REASON. I AM ALREADY CRYING STOOOOP

Love the return of Vash's old wanted poster. Lol.

Hair down Vash with dark hair :)

Knives... I find it so interesting again that Knives immediately tries to barter Vash as necessary to these people so that he'll save him. But the doctor was actually convinced by the sight of Vash's injuries and the desperation in Knives' voice. It's so minor but it's still such good characterization and further proof that the ideal of kindness is present in ordinary people.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The symbolism of him creating an apple tree as a gesture of what is both thanks and trust... but Knives, ffs, why would you just disappear on your brother without telling him. UGH. He used the last of his power, didn't he. Healed Vash's injury as much as he could then created the tree. Is he dead, or did he just lose corporeality or something? I'm honestly not sure. Either way, Vash lost his brother too after they just got each other back.

Begging him to start singing his murder song again

It was at this moment he knew. He fucked up.

Aww! They are going to be such a good team now that Vash is going to hopefully stop running off. DUDE.

HJHSBJHCBZJHVSBJV WHAT

I did not get the song I was expecting, but the fact that these two apparently play a song about Vash to signal the start of their broadcast is so funny. What is happening.

OMG Sheryl and Lina!!! Badwick and his family! Brilliant Dynamites Neon!

LIVIO!!! And the kids and Miss Melanie... at Wolfwood's grave... (Livio I love your new look.)

:')

"The same song of humanity still sang."

What a beautiful end to this story... thank you everyone in the book club (and to Rev for organizing it!); I had so much fun with this. I can't wait to go through the tag some more and go back through everyone's posts again - I fell behind a few times so I want to do a re-read of everyone's analyses and thoughts. I'll have a few more posts probably, but for now... thanks for what was a really fun experience everyone! I think this manga's story and characters will stay with me a long while.

[skylarstark4826]

Nakia helped Shuri fit into the role of the Queen as M'Baku seemed so adamant to take the throne. Years ago he would kill T'Challa for it but now he found amusement in Shuri's youth and bravery in the role she hardly prepared for. 

But Shuri was the Queen the Wakanda needed. She may have not been born to be a leader but her being the scientist brought a difference for Wakanda along with Talokan. 

Yet Nakia was worried. Shuri was different since her brother's death and the addition of losing the Queen Mother in just a span of a year truly took a toll on the young woman. 

She used to be this bright young girl that spent all her time teasing T'Challa and was close to her before her brother's death. Shuri hardly smiles now, hiding herself behind her story and the guilt building up in her youth.

She's too young. Far too young to face the hardship of the throne and their people. But it was what it was.

It was duty. 

Despite the craziness and ongoing alliance with the Talokanil, it was raw and new. To be in contact with one nation that resembles each other in a great aspect. Especially now the world was looking at Wakanda closely. It was their job to keep Talokanil hidden from the world as they knew the consequences of letting the world know their capabilities. It was the best option out there and Shuri had to continue to do so, nevertheless her gut wanted to give too. She's after all T'Challa's sister. 

But they had someone to share now. A nation that shared the same fear and also ambition to protect what they had. 

Which brings a new perspective too to Nakia. It may not be seen by many but Nakia realized how different Shuri was the moment the man named Namor stepped into their space. 

He was truly a king. Full of charisma and the leadership that astonished Nakia. He was a hero to his people, underneath the layer of harshness and slowly being peeled as their alliance progressed. 

Unlike any leader in the world that Nakia had learned for the sake of understanding T'Challa's circumstances, she could conclude that Namor was a great leader. He's hardly thinking about himself, putting his people first was his priority and despite the needs of his people already met he still managed to ask them questions whether or not they were satisfied enough. His right hands, Namora and Attuma seem so close to him too. They were the only people brave enough to interrupt the mighty kukulkan and also determined enough to make sure their leader ate and drank while they were working. It was endearing, but it was quite a shock too. 

Other than Attuma and Namora, Namor highly respects Shuri. Yes, the Young Queen had defeated her. Managing to make him yield and stopping an eternal war between the two nations. And the looks Namor gave to her was not just the respect of someone that had defeated and spared him. 

It was adoration. 

The man rarely smiled. Yes to his people and the little kids that had the opportunity to tour Wakanda and the small occasion he was questioned by the Wakandans' children. Even that smile was different from the one he gave to Shuri.

To Shuri he relaxed, his shoulder dropped more softly and the muscle tension faded away immediately. He smiled softly and his eyes glitter in a way Nakia felt the familiarity all together. Because T'Challa saw her that way, to the point he freezes.

Namor might never freeze. Instead he melt, in a small gesture and small curve he's trying to hold at the corner of his lips the moment he shares the same air with Shuri. 

And Shuri-

-she was a saint. 

Because Queen Mother died because of him. Queen Mother was her mother through and through but if she knew how much this man had fallen so hard to her only daughter, willing enough to die just for her. 

It might be the best curse out there. For Namor, the boy without love, was given love by the same very young woman that lost her mother because of him. 

Nakia was scared for Shuri. For her to socialize or even get close to the man. So she took a little closer to Namor, only to discover this revelation. How Namor adoration did not end one way, it was two ways.

As Shuri too lights up as they were left alone together. 

They were that one couple, the genius that likes to ramble all the knowledge while the other the quiet one just smiled and listened to all that rambling as if it was a siren's call. 

If only things were different. 

Because as Nakia saw them in Shuri's lab, Namor walked just right behind her. Listening to her new invention, a suit made solemnly just for the children of Talokan so they could get some proper education up here, Namor smiled brightly. As they stood side by side and Shuri patted his back softly. 

The grief that painted her sister-in-law's eyes might take a lifetime to be erased, but here beside one person that brings that grief, Shuri shines. The future looked so close and the possibilities were endless. 

Maybe they still could. 

Because Namor was the man for his people and Shuri was the Queen that Wakanda needed. Their alliance would be powerful and their children would light both worlds together. 

After all, they deserve it. 

A love just for them. Hidden in their alliance, and maybe the only salvation Nakia could give them. The salvation she was denied. 

As she exited the lab Nakia was thinking about how to bring up marriage for their King and Queen. 

It was after all the best way to secure their alliance.

[roman-catholic-mass-readings]

18th March >> Mass Readings (USA)

Monday, Fifth Week of Lent 

(optional commemoration of Saint Cyril of Jerusalem, Bishop, Doctor)

(Liturgical Colour: Violet: B (2))

Either:

First Reading Daniel 13:1-9, 15-17, 19-30, 33-62 Here I am about to die, though I have done none of the things charged against me.

In Babylon there lived a man named Joakim, who married a very beautiful and God-fearing woman, Susanna, the daughter of Hilkiah; her pious parents had trained their daughter according to the law of Moses. Joakim was very rich; he had a garden near his house, and the Jews had recourse to him often because he was the most respected of them all.

That year, two elders of the people were appointed judges, of whom the Lord said, “Wickedness has come out of Babylon: from the elders who were to govern the people as judges.” These men, to whom all brought their cases, frequented the house of Joakim. When the people left at noon, Susanna used to enter her husband’s garden for a walk. When the old men saw her enter every day for her walk, they began to lust for her. They suppressed their consciences; they would not allow their eyes to look to heaven, and did not keep in mind just judgments.

One day, while they were waiting for the right moment, she entered the garden as usual, with two maids only. She decided to bathe, for the weather was warm. Nobody else was there except the two elders, who had hidden themselves and were watching her. “Bring me oil and soap,” she said to the maids, “and shut the garden doors while I bathe.”

As soon as the maids had left, the two old men got up and hurried to her. “Look,” they said, “the garden doors are shut, and no one can see us; give in to our desire, and lie with us. If you refuse, we will testify against you that you dismissed your maids because a young man was here with you.”

“I am completely trapped,” Susanna groaned. “If I yield, it will be my death; if I refuse, I cannot escape your power. Yet it is better for me to fall into your power without guilt than to sin before the Lord.” Then Susanna shrieked, and the old men also shouted at her, as one of them ran to open the garden doors. When the people in the house heard the cries from the garden, they rushed in by the side gate to see what had happened to her. At the accusations by the old men, the servants felt very much ashamed, for never had any such thing been said about Susanna.

When the people came to her husband Joakim the next day, the two wicked elders also came, fully determined to put Susanna to death. Before all the people they ordered: “Send for Susanna, the daughter of Hilkiah, the wife of Joakim.” When she was sent for, she came with her parents, children and all her relatives. All her relatives and the onlookers were weeping.

In the midst of the people the two elders rose up and laid their hands on her head. Through tears she looked up to heaven, for she trusted in the Lord wholeheartedly. The elders made this accusation: “As we were walking in the garden alone, this woman entered with two girls and shut the doors of the garden, dismissing the girls. A young man, who was hidden there, came and lay with her. When we, in a corner of the garden, saw this crime, we ran toward them. We saw them lying together, but the man we could not hold, because he was stronger than we; he opened the doors and ran off. Then we seized her and asked who the young man was, but she refused to tell us. We testify to this.” The assembly believed them, since they were elders and judges of the people, and they condemned her to death.

But Susanna cried aloud: “O eternal God, you know what is hidden and are aware of all things before they come to be: you know that they have testified falsely against me. Here I am about to die, though I have done none of the things with which these wicked men have charged me.”

The Lord heard her prayer. As she was being led to execution, God stirred up the holy spirit of a young boy named Daniel, and he cried aloud: “I will have no part in the death of this woman.” All the people turned and asked him, “What is this you are saying?” He stood in their midst and continued, “Are you such fools, O children of Israel! To condemn a woman of Israel without examination and without clear evidence? Return to court, for they have testified falsely against her.”

Then all the people returned in haste. To Daniel the elders said, “Come, sit with us and inform us, since God has given you the prestige of old age.” But he replied, “Separate these two far from each other that I may examine them.”

After they were separated one from the other, he called one of them and said: “How you have grown evil with age! Now have your past sins come to term: passing unjust sentences, condemning the innocent, and freeing the guilty, although the Lord says, ‘The innocent and the just you shall not put to death.’ Now, then, if you were a witness, tell me under what tree you saw them together.” “Under a mastic tree,” he answered. Daniel replied, “Your fine lie has cost you your head, for the angel of God shall receive the sentence from him and split you in two.” Putting him to one side, he ordered the other one to be brought. Daniel said to him, “Offspring of Canaan, not of Judah, beauty has seduced you, lust has subverted your conscience. This is how you acted with the daughters of Israel, and in their fear they yielded to you; but a daughter of Judah did not tolerate your wickedness. Now, then, tell me under what tree you surprised them together.” “Under an oak,” he said. Daniel replied, “Your fine lie has cost you also your head, for the angel of God waits with a sword to cut you in two so as to make an end of you both.” The whole assembly cried aloud, blessing God who saves those who hope in him. They rose up against the two elders, for by their own words Daniel had convicted them of perjury. According to the law of Moses, they inflicted on them the penalty they had plotted to impose on their neighbor: they put them to death. Thus was innocent blood spared that day.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Or:

First Reading Daniel 13:41c-62 Here I am about to die, though I have done none of the things charged against me.

The assembly condemned Susanna to death. But Susanna cried aloud: “O eternal God, you know what is hidden and are aware of all things before they come to be: you know that they have testified falsely against me. Here I am about to die, though I have done none of the things with which these wicked men have charged me.”

The Lord heard her prayer. As she was being led to execution, God stirred up the holy spirit of a young boy named Daniel, and he cried aloud: “I will have no part in the death of this woman.” All the people turned and asked him, “What is this you are saying?” He stood in their midst and continued, “Are you such fools, O children of Israel! To condemn a woman of Israel without examination and without clear evidence? Return to court, for they have testified falsely against her.”

Then all the people returned in haste. To Daniel the elders said, “Come, sit with us and inform us, since God has given you the prestige of old age.” But he replied, “Separate these two far from each other that I may examine them.”

After they were separated one from the other, he called one of them and said: “How you have grown evil with age! Now have your past sins come to term: passing unjust sentences, condemning the innocent, and freeing the guilty, although the Lord says, ‘The innocent and the just you shall not put to death.’ Now, then, if you were a witness, tell me under what tree you saw them together.” “Under a mastic tree,” he answered. Daniel replied, “Your fine lie has cost you your head, for the angel of God shall receive the sentence from him and split you in two.” Putting him to one side, he ordered the other one to be brought. Daniel said to him, “Offspring of Canaan, not of Judah, beauty has seduced you, lust has subverted your conscience. This is how you acted with the daughters of Israel, and in their fear they yielded to you; but a daughter of Judah did not tolerate your wickedness. Now, then, tell me under what tree you surprised them together.” “Under an oak,” he said. Daniel replied, “Your fine lie has cost you also your head,” for the angel of God waits with a sword to cut you in two so as to make an end of you both.” The whole assembly cried aloud, blessing God who saves those who hope in him. They rose up against the two elders, for by their own words Daniel had convicted them of perjury. According to the law of Moses, they inflicted on them the penalty they had plotted to impose on their neighbor: they put them to death. Thus was innocent blood spared that day.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm Psalm 23:1-3a, 3b-4, 5, 6

R/ Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. In verdant pastures he gives me repose; Beside restful waters he leads me; he refreshes my soul.

R/ Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side.

He guides me in right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side With your rod and your staff that give me courage.

R/ Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side.

You spread the table before me in the sight of my foes; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

R/ Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side.

Only goodness and kindness follow me all the days of my life; And I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for years to come.

R/ Even though I walk in the dark valley I fear no evil; for you are at my side.

Gospel Acclamation Ezekiel 33:11

I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked man, says the Lord, but rather in his conversion, that he may live.

Gospel John 8:1-11 Let the person without sin be the first to throw a stone.

Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. But early in the morning he arrived again in the temple area, and all the people started coming to him, and he sat down and taught them. Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery and made her stand in the middle. They said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” They said this to test him, so that they could have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger. But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he bent down and wrote on the ground. And in response, they went away one by one, beginning with the elders. So he was left alone with the woman before him. Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied, “No one, sir.” Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin any more.”

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

[obamaonaunicorn]

We're In This Together.

The hot midday sun shone it's light onto the streets of downtown Macon.

Lee and Lily walked in silence beside one another, both of them scanning the abandoned town for any signs of life, or any supplies. Thus far, it had been an excruciatingly long day of scavenging for the pair, and one that yielded particularly poor results.

As they turned around a corner, Lee looked at the drug store that had kept them supplied for the last several months.

"Hey, Lily," He said, pointing to the building. "There's probably still some medicine left in there."

Lily nodded, evidently not wanting to say too much, and the two made their way to the old pharmacy.

Over the course of the next 20 minutes, they searched all the shelves they could find, but everything had been picked clean.

Upon seeing Lily's dissapointed expression, Lee placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"We'll find some stuff soon, Lily," he said, trying his best to be reassuring.

"I don't know, Lee," she said, her voice trembling. "I'm scared. We can't keep living like this, but we can't leave the motel yet."

Lee's heart sank at the mention of the group leaving, but he knew that there had to be a better option.

"Lily, I know you're scared," he said, his voice quiet. "But there's nothing for us here anymore. If we stay, we're just putting ourselves in more danger."

"But what other choice do we have, Lee? There's nowhere for us to go."

Lee nodded, carefully considering her point. The last thing he wanted was to make her upset.

"What about Kenny? He's been talking about heading to Savannah. Maybe we should give that a try."

Lily thought for a moment. "We don't know anything about the situation there. If it's anything like the bigger cities, it's best to not go."

"I see your point, but the longer we stay here, the more danger we're in."

Lily sighed, her head hanging low. "I just don't want anyone else to die," she said, her voice trembling. "Not after what happened with my dad...and Kenny... Or with Mark."

Lee understood her fears well. The threat of losing a loved one in a world as cruel as this one was a constant one. It was a fear that plagued people's minds every single day.

"We'll both do what we can to keep our group safe," he said, giving her a reassuring smile. "It's all we really can do."

"You're right," Lily said, her voice slowly going back to normal. "Let's get back to the motel and discuss our plan some more."

The two began walking, talking about possible plans for the future. As they were nearing the end of the run, they spotted a few walkers.

Without hesitation, they drew their weapons, ready to take the walkers on. They quickly realised that they were outnumbered.

Lee started to lose his cool. "We have to get out of here!" He shouted.

Lily agreed, and began to lead the way. The two ran through the streets, doing their best to avoid walkers, but reached a dead end.

"We're trapped," Lily said, her breathing getting heavier.

Lee frantically looked around, trying his best to find a way out. At last, he spotted a broken fire escape ladder attached to the side of a building nearby.

"Lily, over there!" He yelled, running towards the ladder.

"Lee, I'll give you a boost!" Lily exclaimed.

Lee agreed and put his foot in her hands, reaching for the ladder on the nearly insurmountable wall.

Once he got to the top, he stretched out his hand, and called for Lily to take it. He pulled her arm, and stepped back once she got a hold of the ladder.

Lily made it to the top of the building, and the pair looked out and saw the herd of walkers below them.

"Thanks, Lee," she said, feeling grateful for his help.

"No problem, Lily," Lee replied. "That's what friends are for."

[sergeant-donny-donowitz]

The World Is Ugly: Donny x Reader

*TW: Angst/Violence A/N: I AM SO SO SORRY!!!! I had this done months ago and somehow forgot to actually post it??? This was literally requested like in winter????

*based on The World is Ugly by MCR

Requested by @softhornymess

@owba-chan @war-obsessed  @inglourious-imagines @tammykelly @struggling-bee @frozenhuntress67 @kwyloz @sodapop182 @pastexistence @what-the--curtains @taikawho @spookybearlandtaco Let me know if you wanna be added to the IB or OUATIH taglists! :)

*************

1945 "This doesn't scare ya?" Donny joined you at the edge of a steep ravine. In the horizon, beyond the towering trees, between the leaves and the stars, bursts of light and booms echoed from the distant battlefield. "No." You didn't take your eyes off the abyss. "I haven't felt scared anymore, just...a little lonely sometimes." You looked at the endlessness before your eyes. Donny nodded, "Yeah..." He knew just how you felt. You'd had a thousand small talks like that one, and each time you learned something new about each other. "Lonely," his voice was quieter than you were used to, but then again, why would he want to wake the rest of the basterds up now? Now, as his hand rested over yours. Your eyes turned to his, and the two of you smiled for a moment, before turning back to the distant bellowing engines and flashing lights. By dawn, Donny would be gone. Aldo was sending him on a mission of his own, further away from the battle field, meaning further into enemy territory. He was going alone, but that didn't worry you until days turned to weeks. So, Aldo sent the next best thing after him: you. You were interrogating a nazi. Frankly, if he didn't give you the information you wanted, you would still get an extra scalp for the debt you owed to Aldo. The nazi laughed as you threatened him with your gun. "Was ist so lustig?" 'What's so funny?' You demanded through gritted teeth, your gun pressed against his head.

"Du bist nichts ohne Donowitz hinter dir." 'You are nothing without Donowitz behind you.'

You turned to see that Donny was in fact not the one behind you. Instead, you had been surrounded by a patrol. It was a whole army to you, it took everything in you to survive it. And then you saw it. They had Donny's bat. They had taken Donny from you, you were sure of it. In that moment, nothing else mattered. They were everything that was wrong with the world, and you intended to make things right, even if it meant you never got to see another day. When you enlisted just a few short years before, you were naive. You were just some kid, looking for an adventure. You were like so many others. You thought you could change the world. But now, after all you'd come to see, you realized one thing. The world is ugly. But, for brief moments in time, during small talks between the bleakest hours and the softest sunrises, you saw a world beyond your own. You saw the endlessness of the farthest galaxies, the depths of the ocean all in Donny's eyes. He was all that was beautiful to you. You were ready to take on the entire nazi army if you had to to get even. And in that moment, it felt as though that were exactly what you were doing. *** You opened your eyes. You had made it. You took on what seemed to be an army, and you won. You lost your knife in the process, you had no more bullets. You were hurting, hungry, out of water, out of fire. Donny was there. He hovered over you, and you caught your breath. You sat up in confusion, but pain pulsed through every inch of you. "Hey, hey, stay down." Donny gently settled you back down, and waited, watching to make sure you didn't try to get up again. He shook his head, "Fuck's sake y/n," he folded up a strip of cloth he'd torn, and dipped it in his canteen. He wiped away dirt and blood from your face, following a dried trail of blood from your ear, "What has the world done to you..." He was exasperated. You scanned him, searching for answers, but even your eyes hurt. You were both quiet for a few moments, then he asked "What are you doin' out here?" "I came to find you." You confirmed his worst fear, and a pang of guilt washed over him. "I'm fine." You looked at him, and saw there wasn't even a scratch on him. "I was on my way back to you." "They had your bat. I thought that..." you trailed off, not even wanting to utter such words. "Thought that what?" "Nothing. It doesn't matter." He stopped tending to your wounds for a moment. Everything about you mattered to him. Every word, every dream, every breath. "It matters to me." His eyes were wide, searching for an answer. His hands wrapped around your forearm, clinging desperately to all he had. "I thought they got you..." You were both quiet for a moment, and then he responded. "I went back to get my bat... then I saw you here. You were holding on to it, but I thought I was..." Even the bravest of the basterds could not get through the words. "Too late." He shook his head, "Why did you do it?" He demanded. He was angry but not at you. No, he could never be angry at you. He was angry to live in a world that would not hesitate to tear you apart. Losing each other was not an option. Even if you had the right words, it would still burn to say them. One day, decades after the war had ended, you mentioned this instance for the first and last time since. You found that even then,  you and Donny still had trouble with the idea of losing each other. Why? Well...in these times, you were all that the other had. You were the only sign of hope in a cruel world to each other. Saying goodbyes was not an  option. Lucky for you, you didn't have to. No, not this time. But in war who really knew when? All you really had was the dawn as the moon fell away in the horizon, yielding to the pastel streaks of orange in the sky. You finally answered him. Yes, Aldo sent you but you were the first to volunteer to go. If anyone could find Donny, it was you. All the basterds knew that. "I just wanted a happy ending. That's all." "Happy ending... with me?" He shook his head, knowing war was no place for those words. "That's  a stupid thing to die for." His voice was low, and he turned away. Even he didn't believe himself. "What?" You wanted him to say it again, and to look you in the eyes. If he could do that, you'd believe him. He turned to you, "They did this to you because of me. No one gets a happy ending like that." You turned your head away, and your eyes raised to the farthest point. You didn't want him to see you tear up at the harsh words. But he saw anyway. And...it broke his heart. "I'm sorry..." He really didn't mean it. He knew he would have done the same for you, and in his mind, that was anything but stupid. "I just can't lose ya doll... Not in this world."

"You could never lose me," you smiled taking his hand. He smiled softly, wrapping his arms around you. The war could take basterds like Michael and Simon and wipe out entire towns, but it could never take away his love. Some day you'd be home again. The memories and nightmares of the ugliest things the world had to offer would never leave Donny, but neither would you. "I'm sorry." "Why would you be," you shook your head, and he said "Because I love you." You looked up at him. He meant every word. "Losing you is losing everything, realizing how ugly the world really is. If I had to go home without you, you'd still follow me everywhere. I'd see your ghost in the snow, in the sun, all the time, everywhere. I can't be without you. I'd let myself be haunted, just so the idea of you would stay with me. And I'm so afraid of that." "They won't keep us apart. They won't win." Donny kissed you. He was tired of being scared of losing you, and tired of being scared of having you. There was only so much a man could take after all. He dried your tears and you marched on together, your heart beating just as strong as his. It was time to go. It was time to return to the basterds, to the war, to the mission. But in that moment you both understood wherever you went, you would go together.

[buffaloborgine]

A thought about Stormblood and why I love the story of its (also a Zenos defending post :) )

(I posted this before but I feel the need to change the title :) )

Stormblood’s story is spectacular. It depicts the war as truthful as it is.

Merciless.

You may find the topic of war as unnecessary, boring, meaningless, because to you, war is something that doesn’t need to happen and everything can be easily dealt with by sitting down for a talk. True, war is unnecessary, but when it comes to it, you have to face it and accept the cruelty of it and deal with it.

“We can avoid war simply with the enemies stop being pricks.”

Well, who is the enemy then? To you, because you are on the side of the Eorzeans, you see the Garleans as enemies. But to the Garleans, you are the enemies.

Using your own logic, I can say “If you don’t want to see people die fighting, then just don’t start rebelling?”

The Eorzeans on your side see that earning freedom is a must, therefore, they start fighting. The Eorzeans on the opposite side see that there is no need to earn freedom, just stay under the oppressor’s ruling because there are already too much deaths.

Who is right then?

Look at the actual world you are living in. How many countries that were invaded? How many of them fought to earn freedom? How many of them yielded to their invaders? There is no right and wrong here, there is just thing that must be done and things doesn’t have to be done. And if you keep sticking to reasons, you can’t move on, you will keep being stuck in the mud of dilemma and that doesn’t help with anything.  

I write this as a child born in a country with a history of earning freedom by blood. We have been invaded and we fought back, over and over for thousand of years. Just in the last century, my country went through two lengthy invasion wars, taking up 30 years of history. Our past is drenched in blood of the people who fought for freedom and our land is thoroughly filled with graves of the sacrificed.

Do we hate wars? Yes.

But do we have to fight? Yes.

Are those deaths meaningless? No.

That’s why the moment in the Royal Menagerie is so painful for me to watch.

For I expected the Scions to actually be the ones who understand the reality of war instead of the leader of the enemies.

You are in a war, Lyse Hext. You are on the side of the rebellions. Yes, the Garleans invaded you, but if you don’t want to see people dying fighting back at their oppressors then just do as Asahi sas Brutus said, put down weapon and accept it. You called the deaths of the people who sacrificed in the war as meaningless is like spitting at the graves of theirs, deeming all their efforts as meaningless.

If Zenos was not there, another Garlean legatus will be deployed there. War would still happen, and people would still die. If you can’t see that out then can you actually call yourself as a liberator? If Zenos didn’t trigger fighting instinct in the people, instead treating people with “dignity” so they yield to the Empire, that would be peace to you? Are you happy with being peacefully reigned instead of true freedom? If so, then I think you should be on the side of the Garleans instead of the Eorzeans.

And if you say “The Garleans should just give freedom to people instead of forcing people to fight for it.” I’m sorry, have you ever learnt history? How many of the invaders actually return the sovereignty to the invaded without wars, and how many years do it take if they actually do? When facing with invaders, if you want to regain your control, the only option is to fight, peaceful methods will never work. And I have learnt that from true history of my country, people did actually try peaceful methods, from peaceful protests to asking help from other countries, all of those failed miserably, the leaders got caught and imprisoned. We have no choice but fight back, and we have to accept it.

And by accepting to fight back, is accepting that people will die. Men and women, young and old, farmers, workers, scholars. We stood together and fought, the more we fell down, the more we got up and continued fighting.

The problem is, in real life, you don’t have Zenos yae Galvus. Zenos saw the cruel reality of war and he enabled the whole plot of Stormblood to happen, so that the war went and ended quickly. In real life you don’t have an oppressor who goes around and triggers people to fight without massacring civilians. In real life you don’t have an oppressor who allows rebellions to happen in large scale. In real life you don’t have an oppressor who doesn’t call for reinforcement or stopping his subordinates from calling for reinforcement when rebels start appearing. In real life you don’t have an oppressor who doesn’t cause any large scale destruction when he has weapons ready for that.

If such oppressor exists in real life, then the oppressed have to actually thank him. For whatever reason he used to do what he did, he laid the path for the oppressed to earn their freedom.

That’s why I love Stormblood, and I love Zenos, for he was the only character that makes the whole things in the story feels real to me.

[mythicamagic]

“Call it a truce”

(For the prompt if you’d like)

They'd crossed paths eight times now inside the godforsaken maze. Naraku had placed them under some sort of spell- Kagome wasn’t totally sure if her friends were also somewhere inside. It had all happened way too quickly. One second she’d been fighting alongside her comrades- the next, waking up inside a bizarre hellscape.

Sadly the only person she’d seen thus far was Sesshoumaru of all demons. When they’d first bumped into each other- blue and gold had narrowed- both quickly turning in the opposite directions.

Gradually, however, time wore on. A continuous mist obscured every corner of the black maze, its towering walls strangled by twisting, thorny vines. Red skies hung overhead, a barrier likely preventing Sesshoumaru from flying upwards, otherwise he would've escaped by now.

Kagome had just one arrow and one weathered bow. No food, and no water. Just the clothes on her back and strung out nerves, wits starting to fray at the edges. Her footsteps sounded too loud in the empty space. The mist kept rolling, making her paranoid- imagining salivating demons and evil spirits haunting her steps.

Am I going to die in here?

Gritting blunt teeth, Kagome let out a frustrated noise- wrapping her hands around the nearest thorny vines and letting reiki burst free from her fingertips. Maybe she could just blast her way through the wall. Pink light glowed like a signal flare, shimmering and giving her a brief taste of renewed hope.

“It will not work.”

She frowned, registering Sesshoumaru’s acerbic tone. Just as he’d said, when her holy light died, the thorns remained.

Kagome glanced over her shoulder, finding him closer than expected. She shifted warily to maintain some distance. They’d refrained from talking so far during their encounters in the maze. This was unexpected. And worrying. If Sesshoumaru was out of options, things were dire.

“Flying is a no go, I’m guessing?"

He stiffly nodded in response, head tilting back to gaze hatefully at the high walls. Kagome shivered, wrapping both arms around herself. “Damn it. I have no idea what to do. I can sense Naraku’s youki but it's everywhere so there's no chance of pinpointing him. It’s soaked into the air like gasoline."

"I am also unable to locate the wretch."

Kagome blinked, glad he was reciprocating conversation.

"We're locked in a spell or under a curse, I’ve got no doubt about that. I just don���t know if these are our real bodies or not…”

Were they trapped somewhere mentally? Caged like birds?

Sesshoumaru levelled a look down to her hands, gesturing with a claw. “The cuts do not hurt?”

Kagome blinked, flexing her fingers. She hadn’t even realised they’d been pricked by the thorns. “N-no.”

“Then it appears he has either somehow trapped us within a space that has absorbed our conscious minds or put us in an area that dulls the senses. Perhaps a keeper box of some kind," Sesshoumaru said easily, as though he did this all the time.

Kagome’s heart pumped at a dizzying speed. Keeper box. She'd been in one of those before. The face of sage Tokajin came to mind. “Crap,” she whispered.

"Unpleasant memories, miko?" a lofty, entertained tone brushed her hearing.

Kagome sneered half-heartedly, "it's nothing."

Sesshoumaru's eyes glowed, smiling. As if he could see right through her. "Hn."

“We gotta get out of here," she said dismissively. "Since this is Naraku we’re dealing with- I doubt just finding the centre of this maze will let us get outta here and break the curse, and knowing him there’s no exit.”

“Hn, and yet I can think of nothing else after trying everything."

Kagome gave him a sweeping glance over, swallowing. She hadn’t seen him since he’d nearly killed Kohaku- still thankful he’d released the mind controlled boy.

They were still technically enemies despite a shared goal of killing Naraku.

Steeling herself, Kagome took a breath. She then boldly stuck a hand out towards him. “Let’s work together. We haven’t got much choice. Call it a truce.”

Silence.

Kagome chanced a look at his face.

Sesshoumaru merely stared at the offered hand unblinkingly. Kagome giggled weakly. “A-ah, you shake it. It’s an ‘across the seas’ type of gesture to show we’re sealing a deal.”

Interest livened his animalistic gaze. He briefly seemed considering, perhaps wondering about her origins. Long fingers unfurled from his palm, clasping her hand strongly. The shock of skin to skin contact and sharp claws nearly jerked Kagome enough to rip her hand free. She forced herself to stay still, feeling a surge of something shoot down to her toes.

He was warmer than expected. It surprised her that callouses roughened his palm, likely from years of swordplay. She'd always figured he was too inhumanly perfect to have such a thing. Sesshoumaru blinked slowly, remaining locked in a stare. For a moment, Kagome dumbly admired his pretty white lashes.

She caught herself staring and briskly shook his hand, prying her fingers free before gesturing to several pathways, cheeks red. “S-so which way?”

Mokomoko’s soft fur caressed the bare flesh of her lower thigh in passing as Sesshoumaru stepped towards one. “I have yet to take this path. Stay close, troublesome miko," he threw over one shoulder. "I will not slow down for you.”

“Please don’t. You walk slow enough as it is,” Kagome griped, following.

---

Demons began littering the narrow, claustrophobic spaces within the maze. Kagome had to duck and weave around Sesshoumaru as he killed them with acid or fierce swipes of his claws. It forced them to get up close and personal, occasionally plastering miko and Daiyoukai together.

His scent wafted into her unwilling nose more than once- masculine and sharp, reminding her of thunderstorms. Since she couldn’t use her reiki with much finesse yet and the close quarters put her archery skills at a disadvantage, Kagome tried her best to be helpful.

“Behind you!” she’d yell, ducking under his arm before grasping his sleeve. “On your right!”

Sesshoumaru dispatched enemies without argument or complaint, calmly moving on once they lay dead.

As time dragged on, Kagome’s legs began to ache from the endless walking. Her stomach grumbled near constantly. Her limbs and body were becoming weak.

She didn’t breathe a word about it- though noticed Sesshoumaru’s lingering attention. Turning a corner, she stumbled, an arm catching her around the waist, steadying.

Kagome’s belly fluttered, and she quickly straightened. “Thanks.”

“Hn.”

They book occasional breaks, but respite was near impossible with the continued droves of enemies. After what she could only guess to be at least 17 hours- though it felt like days, they finally arrived at the centre of the maze. Exhausted, Kagome kept a hand buried within mokomoko to keep her upright, leaning against the stability he offered. They’d shed a lot of restraint about touch around hour 9 of their journey.

As first suspected however, there was nothing in the middle of the maze. Just a plain space with a single fountain. They hadn’t come across a single exit either.

Kagome’s knees quivered a little, “d-do you have a plan B?” she rasped, throat dry. What she wouldn’t give for some water.

Sesshoumaru stared grimly ahead, slowly lowering his calm attention to her. If she could hazard a guess, he was likely thinking he could survive. He’d weather the storm of hunger and dehydration much longer than she.

“I suspect the reason Naraku lingers is because he predicted I would kill you,” his velvety voice was completely at odds with his words.

Kagome stiffened, leaning slightly away from the warmth of luxurious furs. “...That would make sense,” the admission slipped out, “he’s a sadistic prick. He’s probably watching us right now, getting his kicks from seeing us struggle.”

Sesshoumaru turned to her, lifting a clawed hand. The sharp points gleamed. They could tear through her supple flesh and bones with ease. Kagome had witnessed it enough times to know.

Rendered completely exhausted though, she had little room left for fear. She stared at him blandly, falling quiet.

He arched a brow, resting those deadly claws against her flushed skin, gradually unfurling to hold her neck. “You will not resist?”

“I’ve never taken you to be the kinda guy who would take the easy way out,” Kagome muttered, raising her chin. “Am I wrong?”

Was it her imagination or did his pupils dilate a touch?

She shivered, feeling the pads of his fingers drag against the nape of her delicate neck, thumb resting at her throat.

“No,” he rumbled softly, gripping tighter and drawing her in closer. “But since we have an audience, miko,” his voice lowered, “let us give him a show.”

Blue eyes widened- seconds before lips crashed to hers. Kagome gasped- and a sinuous tongue took advantage, shoving inside to plunder her mouth. Sensation slammed into her gut. Suddenly she was immediately aware of everything. The warmth of his palm, the dry rub of his callouses along her neck. The goosebumps rising on her flesh. How his tongue skilfully played, twined and slid against her own- and she found herself responding.

His lips were hot and quick across her own, firm and yielding and then parting to meet her tongue with his anew. Kagome’s breath shuddered. Her entire body thrummed. She found herself touching the fine, soft locks of silver hair behind his ear, strands running through her fingers like water. Their mouths broke apart, and Kagome could only give a breathy gasp as he sucked along the bent arch of her throat.

“Behind me, to the left,” he whispered, kissing her flesh bruisingly hard.

“I know,” she panted.

It happened quickly. They moved in sync- Kagome reaching for her bow and nocking her single arrow while Sesshoumaru turned, angling her to fire at the faint ripple in the sky they’d both sensed the second they’d kissed.

While the blazing firework of pure holy energy streaked into the air, the Daiyoukai followed its progress, flying with Kagome in tow. She held on around his shoulders, praying with all her might it would break through.

Her arrow pierced the demonic barrier- shattering the weak spot immediately. Sesshoumaru broke through, leaving the world of red skies and unsolvable mazes behind.

---

Kagome sucked in a gasping, strangled breath, shooting upright.

“Kagome! She’s awake, guys!”

Putting a hand to her head, she looked to her side- only to be greeted with the sight of Sesshoumaru sitting up from the ground, both of them having been sprawled out. Around them, battle raged. Inuyasha was fighting diligently, swiping madly at continuous rounds of regenerating tentacles.

Miroku and Sango seemed to be on guard duty, having been defending their unconscious bodies. Shippo immediately buried his face in Kagome’s arm, holding onto her. “You’ve been asleep for a good hour after you were both hit by that attack! Naraku kept trying to kill you! Ah- I’m so glad you’re safe!”

Kagome comforted him with a few gentle pats upon his head, murmuring softly. The shifting of weight caught her attention, and she watched as Sesshoumaru stood. He sneered softly to himself, “I do not know why you saw fit to protect this one, but I did not need your aid, humans.”

“I told ya!” Inuyasha shouted from somewhere in the distance.

“We couldn’t let you be absorbed by Naraku or he’d be even more formidable,” Sango griped.

“What my friends mean to say is- you’re welcome, Lord Sesshoumaru,” Miroku amiably smoothed over the situation.

Sesshoumaru grunted, securing his swords in place. Then, slowly, his eyes lowered.

Kagome exhaled a shuddering breath. Her heart slammed against her ribcage, cheeks burning with all the voracity of a fever, chest light and heavy all at once. Sesshoumaru’s gaze fell to the subtle parting of her mouth, before looking her in the eye for just one more lingering moment. He then moved out from behind the protection Sango and Miroku offered, racing headfirst into battle.

He just did it to break the spell, that’s all.

He’d kissed her to help flush out a weak spot from their enemy, which had opened from Naraku's shock- having lost brief control of the spell. Thinking about it as anything more than that would be foolish.

Shaking herself, Kagome followed suit. She grabbed her bow and nocked an arrow, pushing down all confused thoughts and sensations that Sesshoumaru’s wicked mouth had elicited- entering the fray alongside her friends.

[riversofmars]

Big update before Femslash February demands my full attention! Don't know how this chapter got to out of control (7k wtf??)... enjoy :D

Chapter 9: Consequences

Travelling with the Doctor is many things: it can be thrilling, enlightening and joyful, but also dangerous, isolating and numbing. You never know how it’s going to affect you until you’re there, leading that incredibly heightened life. It had pulled me out of a very dark place and opened my eyes to the beauty of the universe, it gave me experiences beyond belief and brought me together with some of the most amazing people I will ever know. But I also find it gives you a false sense of being untouchable, of floating above it all and being invincible. Rationally, I know that’s not the case, particularly after having seen an alternate future for myself, I know I’m not invincible but at times, you do feel like it. You feel like you can’t lose when you have the Doctor on your side, so you throw yourself into the fray, you face enemies and situations that are inconceivable to most. You do what must be done regardless of the odds and consequences and usually, you are rewarded for your courage with success.

Therefore, I had no qualms about putting myself in harm's way once more and aid the Doctor in their plans. I knew I had to face up to the Daleks if I wanted to be free of my past one day, and here was an opportunity to do just that. It was a battle I felt up to facing, a task I could accomplish, something I felt comfortable with, contrary to facing up to matters of my heart.

“How are you getting on back there?” The Doctor straightened up behind the computer terminal looking for me. I was kneeling on the floor behind the mainframe server, reconnecting wires and rerouting the power from other systems.

“You have power,” I announced, pleased with my work as I clipped the last wire into place. While one system shut down, the humming around us intensified. It wouldn’t be long until the additional power caused a feedback and the whole place blew but that was just as well, a pleasant side effect. For now, we had to use the power we had and be quick about it.

“Good, good, great. Now we just-” The Doctor connected a mobile phone to the main computer. I’m not sure who it belonged to - Ryan or Graham - but I could only hope they didn’t want it back. The power was about to fry it.

“Intruders! Identify!” A familiar metallic voice screeched from the other side of the room. The Daleks had noticed us at last. I had taken care to reroute the power from the security systems last but after that it had only been a matter of time.

“Oh no…” The Doctor focused his attention back on the phone.

“Bound to happen,” I retorted and grabbed his arm as more Daleks entered the room and advanced towards us. “Hurry up!”

“Yes, I think we have rather overstayed our welcome,” the Doctor nodded in agreement but didn’t move any faster for it.

“Send the message!” I snapped, tearing at his arm. My escape with Helen had been a close call, I was not about to have another friend injured for delaying.

“It’s done, it’s done, RUN!” The Doctor punched in the final command, then yielded to my pressure and we pelted towards the exit.

“Exterminate!” The Daleks chanted, weapon blasts flying over our heads as we ducked just in time.

“This way!” The Doctor yelled and grabbed my hand to pull me to the left as the Daleks were coming from the other end of the corridor.

“I’ve missed the desperate running for our lives the last few months!” I panted as we took a sharp turn down another corridor, evading more blasts. The exit wasn’t far now but all the while River’s words echoed through my mind: Don’t die.

The will to live is somewhat universal. Unless backed into a desperate situation in which death is the preferable option to carrying on, we try to find a way through. Humans even more so than most species. We are a determined bunch. Life seeks to sustain itself. So my will to live was urging me along the metal corridors, even with my chest burning, me gasping for air and my legs growing tired. Adrenaline surged through me to keep me going. Living for yourself, to keep yourself alive, was one thing. Feeling like the fate of the planet was determined by your survival was quite another. I know I’m not the one who will end up saving this world if we ever succeed in doing so - that will be up to the Doctor - but if my survival is required to enable that chain of events, then I was determined to play my part.

“Through here!” The Doctor pushed open the door to the outside and stepped aside, making me go first and I didn’t stop. Relief washed over me as the cool nighttime air hit me and there was nothing but the dark city ahead of us but I didn’t let my guard down, I knew better than that. I looked around for the Doctor, who slammed the door shut and soniced it for good measure. That’s when I felt the electric charge in the air, making the fine hair on my arms and neck stand up, as power surged through the advanced systems in the building beyond.

“Get down, Doctor!” I called but he had drawn the same conclusions, as he pulled me along behind a large bin, the only cover we could find in time before the generators went critical and blew up the building. Debris rained down around us as the Doctor and I huddled together, seemingly unable to decide who was shielding the other.

“Sabotage!” Dalek voices came from the explosion site as some of the Daleks seemed to have survived. “Find the Doctor and his companion!”

“We need to get out of here before more Daleks arrive,” I whispered, slowly straightening myself up to check for injuries. I was mostly fine with the exception of a few scratches and bruises from falling rocks. I winced as I noticed one unpleasant injury on my shoulder - a metal shard of some description had been driven into it by the explosion - but with my adrenaline levels high, I hardly felt any pain. I pulled it out without delay, the cut wasn’t too bad. I looked to the Doctor who was in a similar state to me. A gash on his head was bleeding into his shaggy hair and scratches covered his hands but otherwise he seemed fine, as he nodded:

“No time like the present, come on.”

We scrambled to our feet and used the cover of darkness, the shadow of the building, to make for the nearest alley as the Daleks started assembling at the explosion site. We didn’t speak for a while, not as we snuck around the alleys putting as much distance between the Daleks and us as we could. The Doctor held on to my hand tightly and I became aware of it as the thrill of danger slowly subsided. I took a moment to appreciate the gesture in the privacy of my own mind. I’m not a touchy-feely person, not really. Don’t get me wrong, I can be affectionate and in a physical way too with the right people but those are few and far between. The Doctor is much the same. I think it has something to do with the fact that he doesn’t do human emotions very well, as one is inevitably linked to the other. Nevertheless, something he always does is grab the hands of the people he’s running with. For reassurance, for support, to make sure they don’t get lost. The Doctor does all those things for me, we are the best of friends, and I hope he feels the same way.

“Did it work, did the signal transmit?” I asked when I felt confident that we weren’t being followed.

“It did and it had quite the boost,” the Doctor confirmed with a confident smile. “Well done us.” He let go of my hand and put his arm around my shoulder instead, like a proud parent. It was a nice feeling of camaraderie and accomplishment, but only until the pain from the cut on my shoulder registered as he accidentally squeezed it.

“Keep your hands to yourself, you clumsy oaf,” I huffed, hissing in pain as I swatted his hand away. “Now we can only hope you got the message.” I took a moment to examine my shoulder. A couple of stitches and I’d be fine, I figured.

“How’s your shoulder?” He asked, concerned and not offended.

“About as bad as your head,” I answered as I brushed his hair aside to have a closer look at his injury. It was only superficial as well. We both had gotten lucky.

“Always good to have your personal physician at hand,” he chuckled as we carried on towards the nearest tube station. “Helen got lucky too, didn’t she?”

“Couldn’t let her die, could I…” We hadn’t spoken about the crash, about how close Helen had come to dying, as the thought of it still made my chest tighten.

“Of course you couldn’t. You care about her a great deal,” the Doctor retorted as we rushed across the road, out of the cover of the building for a moment, but we quickly disappeared into the underground. With the mission accomplished, I could tell he wanted to take advantage of our alone time and continue our previous conversation. I lowered my head as we made for the tracks, the Doctor using his sonic as a torch, guiding the way. Maybe talking about how I felt would help, I considered. Not being good at talking about our feelings was something the Doctor and I shared. Perhaps that would make things easier.

“I don’t just care for her, Doctor. I’m in love with her. I have been for a very long time but I never thought she’d feel the same way so I buried those feelings,” I said though I was sure he already knew that. He had been with us the entire time we had known each other, it must have been impossible to miss. “And I was happy with Tania - I was! - while it’s all still pretty new, we were getting on well and... But then, when I saw that future and I remembered how...” My words broke off. It was difficult to explain without sounding like an arsehole but Tania and I haven’t been through as much as Helen and I have, not yet. My feelings for her haven’t had time to develop as deeply as they have for Helen. I’m not saying they wouldn’t in time but… Maybe saying these things out loud and admitting them fully to myself was healthy, maybe it would help me get over Helen.

“I know, Liv. I think everyone can see that… And as we’ve established, Tania is perceptive, she’s clever…”

“I know…” I mumbled as we made our way along the tracks back towards Euston station and silence fell between us as the Doctor left me to ponder my dilemma. I took his hint. I had to speak to Tania and be honest, it would be the only way to move forward. If I wanted our relationship to continue, I had to tell her and leave it up to her how we should proceed. Honesty had to be at the heart of any relationship, otherwise it wouldn’t work. I dreaded it already but the more I thought about it, the more obvious it became that it was the only fair thing to do, the only way forward. And it would be the only way I could rid myself of the guilt and shame I felt about the whole situation.

Suddenly, there was a noise behind us and the Doctor and I both whirled around. The tunnel remained dark and lifeless, even as the Doctor directed the light from his screwdriver down it.

“I didn’t think we’d been followed…” I whispered. There had been no Daleks on our trail as we’d headed into the underground.

“Me neither…” The Doctor retorted thoughtfully, checking up and down the corridor again.

“Maybe rats or…” It was a logical thing to assume but I didn’t buy it, even as I suggested it. Strange noises were never just something harmless and natural in these circumstances.

“Let’s go…” The Doctor seemed to be in agreement and we picked up the pace. Thankfully, it didn’t take us very long at all to reach the protective barrier that surrounded the UNIT underground camp. The Doctor used his sonic screwdriver to disengaged the security system and I felt a little better when the force field snapped back into place behind us.

“You know I think all that running has certainly sorted out my body clock, I could do with a rest now,” I sighed when we reached the camp. My adrenaline had subsided and left me exhausted.

“Get a move on!” A voice called up ahead and we both looked up, confused. We had assumed that we'd find most of the UNIT team asleep. We were, however, greeted by armed soldiers that waved for us to move along.

“What’s going on?” The Doctor demanded answers and Kate was happy to provide them as she came to greet us.

“We picked up life signs following you,” she revealed. “We’re locking the base down, get inside.”

“How did we miss them?” The Doctor’s expression turned grim and we followed the UNIT chief.

“But the defenses, surely…” Recalling the Dalek shells we had seen on our way here, I couldn’t imagine they would be able to get in but it seemed as though Kate didn’t want to take any chances. The soldiers barricaded the door once we were all safely inside and formed a semi-circle around it, weapons drawn. I watched Kate pull out a side arm of her own, alongside many other UNIT members that had stepped up in defense of our stronghold.

“What? No smug comment about the use of weapons?” I whispered to the Doctor as we inched back, out of the line of fire should it come to it.

“These are Daleks we are dealing with,” he answered grimly but broke off when suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door.

“Daleks don’t usually knock…” I frowned, unsettled.

“Oi! Anybody home? You can’t just send out an invitation and then not answer!” A female voice called from the other side of the door.

“Open the door!” Kate ordered as a wide grin spread across her face and realisation struck me as well. I had heard that voice before and while the association brought back painful memories, it also brought a sense of elation. Mission accomplished! And much quicker than expected!

The door swung open and revealed a woman, blonde hair, pale-blue coat and a curious twinkle in her eyes as she looked around.

“Why hello there, I believe you’re looking for me, I’m the…”

“Doctor!” Kate interrupted her and stepped forward to welcome her. I exchanged a smile with the Doctor - my Doctor that is. I admit, it will get complicated from here on in with both of them around. I will try my best to tell them apart. My Doctor grinned as well, delighted that our trip had been a success.

“Kate Stewart!” The blonde Doctor exclaimed with excitement, then looked around, seemingly trying to make sense of what was going on here. Yaz was there as well and she, too, looked around curiously as they stepped inside the base.

“So you worked out the encryption code for our location, that was quick,” my Doctor commented, demanding the attention of his future self.

“Almost as if I thought it up myself,” she grinned as she seemed to be putting the pieces together.

“That was the idea,” he added smugly and I was getting exasperated already, having two of them on the scene would be a challenge not just in terms of storytelling, but for my nerves as well.

“Liv!” I didn’t get the chance to get annoyed as I was already scooped up in an unexpected hug. I don’t think In the whole time I’ve known the Doctor, I’ve had as much physical contact with them as I did in that one day. “I haven’t seen you since, well…” She gestured to her younger self and gave an awkward smile. “Who else is here?”

“Doctor, what is this place?” Yaz asked reluctantly, she seemed to feel out of the loop and it was understandable. This was an awful lot to take in.

“UNIT’s base of operations, welcome, Miss Khan,” Kate greeted her kindly and gestured for all of us to follow.

“This is exciting! I guess this explains why I don’t remember any of this,” the blonde Doctor clapped her hands together. “Crossing my own time stream and all that. Very naughty. I better have had a good reason for bringing me here.” She eyed her younger self who chuckled in return.

The introductions and reunions continued as we reached the main hub and I could hardly blame them. While I was eager to get on and fill the future Doctor in on what was going on, I knew they had all been through weeks of occupation already. The future Doctor hadn’t seen some of these people for lifetimes and finding some small measure of joy during our dire situation was certainly worth the delay.

“Let me have a look at that for you?” Martha offered when she noticed the injuries the Doctor and I had sustained during the explosion. She had had her turn saying hello to the Doctor who was still very much engaged in introductions and catching up with old friends.

“Sure, yeah, in a minute,” I nodded. I had no desire to do surgery on myself ever again and Martha would surely do a neater job of suturing my shoulder than I ever could one-handed. But first, I wanted to see how things played out with the future Doctor’s arrival so I returned my attention to the reunions where the Doctor was just talking to Ryan and Graham.

“You know we actually went looking for you two in this mess,” she was saying. “But should have known you would be right in the thick of it.”

“Mr O’Brien and Mr Sinclair have proved incredibly helpful in setting up operations here,” Kate added enthusiastically. The future Doctor’s arrival had brought a sense of hope with her and it was quite infectious, I was feeling it too.

“Yes, love it. Big bunker. Very ‘resistance movement’, very cool,” she just commented, looking around.

“Now that you’re here, we have everything to get started and make a plan,” I interjected, seeing my opportunity at last.

“Right to the point as always,” the future Doctor grinned at me.

“Sorry, it’s just, we haven’t got much time. We need to start planning, the longer we wait, the more time the Daleks have to make their moves. We’ve got everyone we could possibly need right here,” I elaborated, my mind inevitably returning to the chess analogy. At the time, I wasn’t sure how much that Doctor knew about what was going on and I was keen to get things moving.

“Avengers Assembled!” Ryan commented with a grin and I frowned.

“What?” The reference went completely over my head, I only vaguely recalled seeing something by that title on one of the entertainment platforms Tania liked to use.

“Before your time,” my Doctor commented with a chuckle. “But I agree, we have no time to lose. I’m going to fill the Doctor in on what we know,” he offered and his future self nodded.

“Right you are, Doctor.”

“This is going to get so confusing,” Yaz sighed and I shared the sentiment.

“Let’s see to your cut while they catch up?” Martha suggested and I nodded. I felt cautiously optimistic. Surely between the two Doctors, they should be able to come up with a plan. I certainly felt like I had done my bit for the day and it was time to slow down. I was beginning to feel the physical exhaustion taking me over.

So as the two Doctors and Kate started comparing notes of their experiences so far, I followed Martha to the hospital corridor.

“Liv? What’s going on?” Helen had sat up when we passed by her bed, the hustle and bustle of the Doctor’s arrival had surely woken her.

“You should be resting,” I retorted and Martha gestured for me to sit on the next bed over, seemingly so we would have a chance to talk while she grabbed a suture kit.

“It’s not exactly the most private or comfortable place to sleep,” she pointed out. “Or the most quiet.” She looked me up and down as she seemed to notice the scratches and the dirt from the explosion, and I shifted uncomfortably. I could see the concern in her eyes which for me brought feelings of guilt - for making her worry - and warmth - for knowing she cared about my well-being. “Where have you been?” She frowned, with a touch of accusation in her tone.

“The Doctor and I went on a little excursion, that’s all…” I tried to down-play it and Martha returned with medical supplies.

Some excursion, what happened to you? Was it worth it?” Helen frown turned to a scowl and I averted my eyes.

“They brought the future Doctor here,” Martha interrupted, coming to my aid by attesting to the merit of our nighttime wander. She laid out a suture kit, bandages and some disinfectant to clean the wound.

“And you didn’t take me with you?” There was genuine hurt in Helen’s eyes.

“You were asleep and you’re in no condition to-” I started to justify our decision not to involve her but she didn’t seem willing to listen.

“We are a team, the three of us, remember?” She cut in and it felt like a punch in the gut to have my own words thrown back at me. Of course we were a team, we are stronger that way. I just wished we could find our way back to that. I realised it was my fault that things felt different, I had been the one to change our dynamic and I worried we couldn’t go back to the way things were. Before, I would have told her what we were doing, maybe even asked her along, despite the injury.

“Right, of course, I’m sorry,” I hung my head, knowing full well that she was right.

“Could you take your coat off?” Martha prompted and I nodded. The beat up jacket could do with replacing for sure and the metal shard had cut right through it and my shirt too. I undid the first few buttons on my shirt, just enough so I could pull it aside to expose my shoulder.

“Well done though, you did it,” Helen commented at last and I gave a small smile.

“It’s a start,” I conceded. It felt good to have accomplished something, following the disaster with the TARDIS.

“And your shoulder?” She asked although she wasn’t looking, she seemed fascinated with her hands in her lap, seemingly trying to look anywhere but at me. My exposed collarbone and shoulder surely didn’t require her looking away but I guess it made sense at the time. I winced a little when Martha cleaned out the wound but tried my best to play it off.

“It’s nothing,” I answered and the pain lessened significantly when Martha injected some anaesthetic around the cut. I mean, I probably would have bitten my tongue and bared her stitching me up without it too, but this was preferable, seeing as there was no point in trying to impress a girl that was just not interested in me. “The Doctor’s head is worse,” I pointed out. “But then, it’s so thick, he probably hasn’t noticed,” I smirked and succeeded in making Helen chuckle.

“There, that should do it,” Martha announced and cut the last suture. I nodded with a smile, examining her neat handy-work.

“Thanks.” I couldn’t have done a better job myself.

“So much for coming to bed,” Tania’s voice made me look up. There she was, making her way towards us along the mostly empty beds. She must have been woken by the Doctor’s arrival as well and I remembered I’d never even told her where I was going, same as Helen. I had been trying to get away from both of them it seemed and here I was again, caught between a rock and a hard place. I had to speak to her.

“The Doctor and I had an idea,” I retorted somewhat apologetically.

“Of course,” Tania rolled her eyes, looking to Martha and then to Helen as well, before returning her attention to me. “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” She frowned as she watched Martha apply a dressing to my cut.

“Just a scratch,” I answered.

“This will do, Liv, just keep changing the dressing, I’m sure you know the drill,” Martha interjected and I nodded in agreement, readjusting my shirt and quickly buttoning it up again. I felt Tania’s eyes on me and knew that it was time to talk, I couldn’t avoid it any longer and it would be wrong of me to try.

“Thanks, again,“ I gave Martha a smile and got off the bed. “We’d better go,” I looked to Tania who seemed surprised by my jump to action but she nodded and I bade Helen goodnight on my way past her bed. “Rest up,” I told her with my best med-tech voice and she gave a forced smile in response:

“You too…” I felt her eyes following me but I couldn’t think about it, I owed Tania my full attention. We headed across the main area without talking and steered towards the living area. The excitement from the future Doctor’s arrival had died down and people had returned to bed or work. The corridors around us were empty, it was the perfect opportunity to talk and I took a deep breath, gathering my courage.

“Can we talk?” Tania asked and grabbed my arm to stop me walking before I had the chance to do just that.

“Yeah, I- I was hoping we could anyway…” I admitted, as I felt a wave of anxiety come over me. I turned towards Tania and crossed my arms in front of my chest, not to be defensive but for comfort. “But you go first…“

“Yes, make me be the one to say it, why don’t you…” Tania huffed somewhat annoyed and I frowned, confused and tense, and she gave a sigh, seemingly gathering her own thoughts.

“Say what?” I prompted gently and she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“This… us… it’s not working anymore,” she said after a long moment of tense silence. I don’t know how to best describe how hearing those words made me feel. Sure, there was part of me that was glad that the decision was being taken out of my hands, but another part that fought for dominance made me feel like a failure. My intention had been to put my cards on the table, not flip the board and call it quits. So I did what I should have done after our fight, after she had pulled me from the bar and been kind enough to take me home. I apologized, profusely.

“Tania, I’m really sorry about last night. - Well, two weeks ago, for you, I guess - Thank you for getting me when you did and stopping me doing more stupid stuff. I’m really sorry about my behaviour… I didn’t mean what I said. I was barely with it…“

“You meant some of it,” Tania cut in with a sad smile, it was almost as if she was taking pity on me.

“Tania-” I wanted to explain but she didn’t seem to want me to.

“No, Liv, it’s fine,” she interrupted. “It gets harder to lie when you’ve had a drink, doesn’t it?“

“I never meant to lie…” I tried to defend myself and the soft smile Tania gave me was almost more hurtful than further accusations would have been.

“I didn’t think you had…“ she sighed and she must have realised that I was at a loss so she carried on to explain her side of things: “See, I realised you’re not head over heels in love with me and I was always fine with that because you never showed interest in anyone else, so I presumed, you just don’t run as hot as other people might.“

“Right…“ I cast my eyes down and tightened my grip around my folded arms. My nails dug into my elbows and I gnawed my bottom lip, trying to keep the guilt and my discomfort at bay.

“I spent the last couple of weeks telling myself that it would be fine, that we would work it out if only you could make it back to us but now you’re here and…” Tania broke off and took a deep breath, seemingly gathering her thoughts. I could tell that this wasn’t easy on her and my guilt became ever more crushing.

“And what?” I asked softly.

“You’re here but you feel far more distant than you ever have before and it’s not going to get better,” Tania concluded and met my eyes. “Thing is, Liv, I always knew you were settling for me.“

“That’s not…“ It was a blow that made my head spin but deep in my heart, I knew she had a point. It had never felt like that before but now that I’d had the prospect of a relationship with Helen dangled in front of me, it was all I could think of. I couldn’t change how I felt, it wasn’t rational. Helen’s advantage had been time. Time spent together, time to fall in love. I maintain the belief that I could have fallen in love with Tania in time, enough for both of us to be content and happy, but if you’re inclined to believe in the concept of a soulmate, there was no way she would ever be able to replace Helen in my heart and that wasn’t fair on Tania. Even if I couldn’t have Helen, part of me would always yearn for her and keep me back.

“And I was fine with it because you never let it show, you didn’t make me feel like that. To you, Helen seemed unattainable and you had accepted that. So I accepted it too. Now, something has changed, I don’t know what, but something is going on between you two and…“ Tania carried on and the mention of Helen was another slap in the face. Of course she had noticed, as much as I had wanted to drop it, it had still been too obvious.

“Helen is not…“ I wanted to tell her that there was nothing going on and that Helen was not interested in me. It wasn’t a ploy to talk Tania back around necessarily but to show her that we hadn’t been doing anything behind her back, that there was nothing going on, though to my great shame, I had to admit to myself that there would have been, had Helen been willing.

“She might not be, I’m not saying that, but you’ve changed,” Tania observed and I could tell that she understood, she saw right through me, even as I was still trying to work out my feelings for myself. “You want her more than me now and I have more self respect than that.“

“Tania…“ I started without really knowing what to say. What was there to say? She was right. In her assessment of me and in the fact that she deserves so much more than that.

“No, Liv. Don’t try and talk your way out of it, for both our sakes,” she gave me a kind smile that was almost too much to bear and she reached out for my hand, forcing me to let go of my folded arms and relax my statue at last. “I like you,” she explained. “And I will be your friend if that's what you want. But don’t play me the fool because I’m not. I really hope Helen will come around to the idea one day… she is missing out. And she does love you, even if she can’t admit that to herself.“ I looked at Tania and realised just how much I admire her. I don’t think this is something I would have been able to do. I’m too much of a hot-head, I get jealous, irrational… but Tania is kind, considerate and intelligent. I mustered up a sorrowful smile but it’s the best I could do at the time.

“That’s a nice thought but…” I broke off and took a deep breath, struggling to contain my emotions. “Time will tell.”

“You are such a good person. I can tell that this is tearing you up. So I’m giving you an out,“ Tania seemed to be struggling with tears now as well and she let go of my hand. “I’m releasing you, you have no obligations to me anymore. You can stop feeling bad, you can stop trying to make everyone happy without regard for your own happiness,” she stated firmly.

“I could have found a way to make you happy,” I cast my eyes down as tears welled up in my eyes too. Tears of disappointment with myself over my own failure and the pain I had caused Tania who I continued to care about.

“I know. But I’m not her. I couldn’t have made you happy in the same way,” she replied with sadness of her own in her voice.

“So… what? Are all three of us just gonna be miserable for the rest of our lives?“ I gave a bitter, joyless laugh as I considered the absurdity of the situation. We had all chosen to be lonely and miserable.

“I won’t, because I will find someone, one day, there’s plenty of time for that, I’ll be alright,” Tania chuckled, doing her best to sound optimistic and I actually believed her for a moment. “But I can’t speak for you two.“

I nodded and tried to take some small solace in her words. I tried to remind myself that there was always hope, even in the darkest of moments. Hopelessness tore at the edges of my mind, seeking a way in. It was like an all engulfing darkness not unlike what I had experienced when I had awaited rescue in the wreckage of the isotope carrier I’d fled Nixyce VII on. You already know that I survived, that I was saved, otherwise I wouldn’t be here telling you about it, but simply surviving isn’t living. But sometimes, that’s all we can do when we have to face the consequences of our actions.

——

The first thing I felt was a stabbing sensation, like pins and needles. It took me a moment to register that I was feeling anything at all as my mind was caught in a haze of confusion and fatigue. Nerve endings were firing but my brain couldn’t keep up with the stimuli, not yet, not while I was slowly finding my way back to consciousness.

“She’s coming round…”

A voice sounded and it seemed to come from somewhere far off. Slowly, my senses were returning one by one. The ache of my body was dull as the sharp spikes slowly subsided and the medic voice in my head informed me about how it was probably a side effect of my body temperature returning to normal following the hypothermia I had undoubtedly experienced when… Slowly, the memory of what had happened returned. The isotope carrier. The explosion. The emergency signal. And here I was, alive, as it seemed, though it would take a few more of my senses to attest to that before I would be inclined to believe it. As I took shaky breaths, I noticed the air smelling artificial, metally almost and sterile, I was on a spaceship.

“It’s alright, calm down, you’re safe,” another voice said and I could imagine why. My heart-rate would have spiked with the realisation of having been rescued. There was no other explanation for it. I was in too much pain not to be alive and the only way I would have accomplished that was by having been pulled out of the wreckage of the ship! Realising my heart rate was monitored gave me another clue: I was in a medical bay of some kind.

I blinked. The light around was blinding. Having been in the darkness for as long as I had, my eyes needed time to adjust. I squinted against the brightness. I could make out two shapes leading over me but it took some time until they came into focus.

“Hello there,” one of the shapes - humanoid, with a pleasant, gentle, male voice - greeted me.

“Am I… where…” My voice came out in a weak stutter and I swallowed hard, as I found speaking a struggle.   blinked, trying to focus and took a deep breath.

“Don’t try to speak. You are in an intensive care pod, you’re being treated,” the voice - somewhat female - that seemed to belong to the other shape explained, they were coming into sharper focus now. They appeared human.

“So I-I’m… alive?” I asked for confirmation as I couldn’t quite believe it. I couldn’t move, not yet. The most I could manage was moving my fingers, which was just as well, seeing as intensive care pods allowed for very little movement, even if you were able - and I wasn’t: My body felt incredibly heavy.

“Barely,” the female carried on. “You were the only one that was, the only survivor in the wreckage… we picked up your SOS call,” she explained and I tired nodding as a small gesture of acknowledgement.

”There was no-one else, I was…” I started, as my voice was slowly getting stronger. It was a small comfort. My eyesight was returning to normal as well and as I managed to move my head just a little bit, I was able to make out the medical bay beyond the healing capsule.

“Don’t worry about explaining now, you need to gather your strength. We’re all very much looking forward to hearing your story, Miss…” The woman drew my focus again and I realised she had to be the medical chief aboard. She was wearing the same uniform I used to wear many years ago. What were the chances? This was a space service craft!

“Chenka. Liv Chenka,” I answered and managed a small smile. I couldn’t quite believe my luck.

“Miss Chenka, glad to have you with us,” the med-tech smiled at me in return, just as the man - her junior med-tech judging by his uniform - demanded her attention:

“Ma’am-”

“What is it?” The woman asked with a frown and I didn’t like his tone of voice. I had heard it too often: Something was wrong.

“These readings, they can’t be right,” he held out a data tablet to her to present my scan results which she took off him promptly.

“What?” I asked, feeling more alert and worried with every passing moment.

“Nothing to worry about for now…” The junior med-tech tried to reassure me but it wasn’t working, not when I saw the reaction of the medical chief to the findings, a concerned frown borrowing into her brow.

“What is it?” I pressed on.

“Systems predict a significant risk of total metabolic collapse if…” She wasn’t really talking to me, she was trying to make sense of the scan results herself. But they didn’t know I was a med-tech, they didn’t know I knew exactly what that meant!

“Radiation poisoning?” I exclaimed and they looked at me with shock for having clocked on so quickly so I decided to explain, which gave me something else to focus on than the rising panic inside me. “I’m a med-tech as well, just give it to me straight, please.”

“Med-tech, eh?” The medical chief raised her eyebrows and I nodded.

“The Theta radiation… how bad is it, when did you find me?” I questioned.

“It’s hard to say…” She tried to avoid answering, I could tell, so I insisted more firmly:

“Try.”

“It took us nearly twenty-four hours to reach you upon receiving your distress call,” it was the junior med-tech that ended up answering me in the end which earned him a scolding look from his superior but I was too stunned to care.

“Twenty-four hours?” I echoed.

“You were in a catatonic state. There was very little oxygen left in the section they found you in and you had gone into hypothermia, not to mention the radiation, we received a radiation alert on our approach without obvious cause…” the medical chief took it upon herself to explain in greater detail.

“It was a Theta ray isotope carrier, the cargo… blew up…” I explained slowly to give them the necessary context as my mind returned to the events that brought me here. “I didn’t mean for this to happen…” I mumbled.

“That explains that…” the medical officer agreed slowly.

“How bad is it?” I asked after taking a deep breath to gather my thoughts.

“We will run some tests to establish what-” she tried to evade the question but my mind was already weighing up the odds.

“Twenty-four hours at full exposure, even with the radiation treatment… not to mention the last 9 months…”

“Like I said, we will see what the tests reveal,” the junior med-tech interjected but I just shook my head and closed my eyes, holding on to my composure as best as I could as the reality of my situation slowly sunk in.

“ It’s terminal, isn’t it?” I whispered.

[choices-binglebonkus]

Things ILITW did right:

-The cast. The cast was fucking incredible. They all had their own unique problems and we got to glimpse into their lives by playing as them. Additionally, there wasn’t anyone in the group I didn’t like. Lily was my least favorite but even she was a likable character.

-Dan. Dan doesn’t get a lot of screentime, and even though he’s technically a member of the main gang, he’s more of a side character. But PB still made me fall in love with his storyline. It really resonated with me. He was clearly grappling with the trauma from Jane’s death years and years into the future, but since he was the star football quarterback, he felt he couldn’t show any signs of weakness or ask for help. If he survives the final encounter with Jane, he becomes a trauma counselor, and he seems so much happier and more at ease with himself. I love that for him.

-Jane. It’s already been established that I’m terrible at predicting twists, but finding out that Jane was the monster all along at the end of chapter 14 shocked me to my core. I remember yelling at the revelation, I was so surprised. I was both amazed and appalled that Jane was the cause of all the chaos, violence, and terror throughout the story. Jane was the perfect villain.

-The vibe. The vibe is more creepy (while ILB is just outright scary and goes straight for the fear factor) and I think this book really benefitted from the creepiness rather than forcing sheer terror upon us in the first book.

-The lore. ‘Nuff said.

-The pets! We get a baby crow FOR FREE, can babysit Hilda (good fluffy dog!), can get an adorable black kitten, AND can even get a vine monster pet!

-The love interests. In my opinion, all the love interests are fairly equal to each other (except Andy, who blows the rest of them away because he is FANTASTIC). I’m pretty sure most of them get equal amounts of scenes and the nerve boosts make them OP as hell.

-The shed. I loved getting to go to the shed in the chapters for weapons, the lore documents, the pets, clues, and what have you. It was nice that it actually served a role in the story.

-The outfits. There wasn’t a single outfit in MC’s closet I didn’t like. And, while I’m on the topic of the outfits, I also appreciate the lack of outfits. There are only three times in the story where we’re presented with the option to buy outfits. The beginning, before Britney’s party, and before homecoming. That’s it. The clothes and outfits aren’t constantly hawked at us for purchase, unlike...other stories.

-The cast deaths. This is a little morbid, but I thought the ways the main cast died were honestly kind of cool, and I liked how some of their causes of death also reflected key points of the story. Ava being toyed with and flung around to her death like how she used her powers, Andy being torn apart from the inside by spiders, Lily being picked apart by birds, it was morbid and creepy and gross and I loved it. The art team drawing the cast’s dead bodies at the end for maximum shock impact was also a nice touch, and I kinda wish they did that for ILB.

-The nerve. I think the nerve loss/gain was pretty on-point in this book. Nerve loss was kind of big, I will admit, but it was usually pretty easy to get lost nerve back. On my first playthrough with no diamond purchases, not a single character died.

-The memorial. Seeing all the different dialogue outcomes when the entire group is dead or when only one person is dead, or when Noah survives or MC survives, there was obviously a lot of thought put into the memorial. It was very heartbreaking and very well done.

-The music. What a bop.

-The plot. The plot was very well paced, and every chapter contributed pretty evenly to the plot. In other words, filler in this book was at an all-time low. The only chapter that was kind of filler-y was the homecoming chapter, but that was to trick us into thinking the fight was over.

-The romance. As I’ve mentioned before, It Lives has a very, very high stakes plot. This inevitably led to the romance/dating features taking a backseat to the main plot, which of course, was necessary. It doesn’t make sense having romance as the main focus when a homicidal shadow monster is hunting you and your friends down, after all.

-The mental health and trauma mentions. Overall, mental health and trauma can be kind of tricky to talk about, and need to be handled very carefully. I felt that ILITW was very respectful and careful in that regard, and mentions of mental health were handled as realistically as they could be in a supernatural horror story.

Things ILITW really could’ve improved:

-Lily, Ava, and MC. Lily, Ava, and MC’s storylines felt considerably weaker than the rest of the cast. The storylines just felt...lacking. All three were bullied by Jocelyn, Britney, and Cody, though Lily and MC got the brunt of it. Ava’s storyline mainly focused on gaining and losing her powers, which wrapped itself up within 3 or 4 chapters. The bullying plot ended after chapter 7 when Cody died and wasn’t really mentioned again, and Lily’s storyline shifted its focus onto her relationship with Britney. MC felt more like a self-insert than an actual character throughout most of the story (ILB MC definitely felt like more of a character). Not to say they were a bad character, but they were definitely lacking.

-The nerve checks. Unlike ILB, the ILITW nerve checks didn’t really do anything. At least, not until the final game with Jane. In ILB, you paid the price if your friends didn’t pass the nerve checks spread throughout the conflicts. If Tom fails his nerve check, your MC loses a finger, nerve, and Tom suffers a breakdown. Danni betrays the group if she doesn’t pass hers. Imogen’s isn’t terribly high stakes, but she does lose her connection to the power if she doesn’t pass the nerve check. Parker accidentally shoots Kelley and abandons the group forever if he fails his. Failing the first group nerve check will cause Tom to snap and cause a massive argument. Failing the second group nerve check will result in the death of whoever has the lowest nerve. In ILITW, nerve checks simply yield different dialogue, and at the end, determine whether a character will live or die, though this seems to be partially randomized.

-The flashbacks. Maybe it’s just me, but I felt like there were too many flashbacks, and that some of them could’ve been lumped together.

-The side characters. Personally, I find that the side characters in stories are the most interesting. Unfortunately, most of the side characters didn’t get a lot of development and were used simply as plot devices or character development for the main cast. Jocelyn, Britney, Cody, and even Ben could’ve been fleshed out much more. Tom was also severely lacking in development in ILITW, but he was upgraded to a main cast member and love interest in ILB, so that problem solved itself.

[candlelight27]

Chapter 6: This Mask That I've Become

Summary: Sylvain has been ignoring you since you met him. You had been in love with him since you met him. College is about to offer you a fresh start. New academic year, new life. You were ready to forget him. But fate seems to have other plans… (COLLEGE AU)

Series: Seeking Your Warmth If Only For A Day

Warnings: kissing in a church lol, tresspassing and etc... don't do that, kids

Pairings: Sylvain Jose Gautier x Female Reader

Word Count: 7065

AO3: This Mask That I’ve Become

A/N:  Thanks to @galamixx again for being my beta! It's hard, I know lol so I appreciate it a lot!!!

I hope you like this chapter! It was a bit hard cause I'm going into unknown territory, but I hope you enjoy it either way. Comments, likes, whatever is really really appreciated! Thanks for sticking around with this!

My dearest Byleth,

Your letters brighten my days, otherwise dulled by duties. I must ask for your forgiveness again, since I couldn’t answer any text message yet. Seteth is trying to help me, but he’s not well versed in technology either. The world is moving way too quickly for us to catch up…

Please, keep updating me with the news of our dear students. I’m truly happy to see them thrive and prosper in the continuation of their studies. All those stories you tell me remind me of good times, already gone… Times I wish to never forget. It’s a gift of the Goddess to be able to see them again, even though I must stay in the shadows of this lonely cathedral.

I know we mustn’t be seen together, but I long to see you. Please, visit us soon. Seteth wants to have tea with you, too. He’s much more cheerful now that he’s sure Flayn is safe and sound whatever she wishes to do.

The real reason for this letter is to inform you that I arranged an archive to keep all of our memories safe. I know I refused your petition at first, but after long hours of deep thought, I came to the same conclusion as you. It’s our obligation to ensure the safety of the continent and everyone who lived here, and if we lose our memories, we wouldn’t be able to do it. And in case we die… others will take on our legacy. Hopefully, you’ll be able to take a look at them soon, so you can add any necessary information. I’ll send them as soon as they’re finished.

I’m doing as you instructed: I’m writing reports and so are the other Nabateans.

Thank you for your dedication, Byleth. I’ll always be here for you.

Yours sincerely,

Rhea.

Sylvain and you were next to each other, leaning over the table in your kitchen. Your gaze was fixed on the careful strokes of Rhea’s quill. Ingrid wasn’t home, so told her you’d invite Sylvain over to study and finish that project ‒ which you hadn’t touched in months, if you were being honest. Of course, it was just an excuse. Instead of doing homework, you were chatting and conspiring among opened books about matters not related at all with university. Who’d rather do that when you were living a real adventure?

As you went over the letter for an eleventh time, Sylvain called your name expectantly. He had a bright gleam in his eye that screamed trouble.

“Do you know what day it is next Friday?” He asked, a tilted smile on his lips.

“It’s the 21st,” You answered. You took the letter with your index finger and thumb, and slowly placed it back inside the envelope.

“Yes and no, my dear friend. It’s the founding day of the Kingdom of Faerghus”, Sylvain pointed out. You raised your eyebrows, questioning. You already knew that, just as every other student; that day marked the date when lessons were interrupted. Typically, there was a week more to hand over projects and other requirements to pass the subjects, so some students went right back home, yet others stayed behind in their dorms until they were completely finished.

“So what?” You asked.

The redhead breathed deeply as he prepared mentally for what was coming next. He felt the weight of your eyes on him. Were you judging him? No, you weren’t, he was well aware of that, but he couldn’t discard all those doubts that bombarded him at all times. He felt the guilt running through his veins and he was second guessing his next proposition.

“I’ve got a plan,” he managed to say at last. That charming façade of his that made him always get his way had faded away. You tilted your head, unable to make heads or tails of Sylvain and prompting him to explain himself. He cleared his throat and continued. “That evening, a special mass is going to be celebrated, just like every year. It’s the perfect opportunity to sneak a peek of those documents.”

“The perfect opportunity?” You exclaimed, eyes wide open. “Sylvain, it’s going to be crowded!”

“Yes! That way, nobody will notice we’re hiding in the old confessionary booth! You know they barely use it anyways. Then, we get out when everybody’s gone, we go to Rhea’s office, find the documents and run away as far as we can.”

You blinked, once, twice, thrice. Sylvain was impatient to hear your opinion. He was jolting his leg up and down out of nervousness as you bit your lips, deep in thought. He already knew you had said you were in this together, that you'd help him find the truth, yet those were just words, not acts. He needed your reassurance once again, for deep inside his chest, against his wishes, he was expecting you to reject his idea, to ridicule him and leave him behind ‒ just like Miklan, like his parents. Because wasn’t that what always happened? He trusted someone, then they’d betray him for circumstances that he never could understand.

“Are you sure that’s not trespassing?” You frowned.

“Since it’s a religious building, I’m pretty sure it’s not,” he claimed. “There’s a right of devotion, or something like that.”

“You’ve thought of this carefully, haven’t you? It’s a solid plan.” You nod slowly. Solid and stupid. It could work, but it entailed a great risk.

“It is,” Sylvain said. His heart was pounding fast in his chest, waiting for your objections.

“What if somebody catches us?”

“We’ll say we forgot something”, he posed. “My phone, your purse, whatever.”

“Seteth won’t buy it”, you argued.

“But it’s me who you’re going with,” he pointed to his own face. “He’ll just think we’re there to bang. He’ll lecture us and won’t think about it further. My reputation precedes me, after all.”

“Okay, fine”, you yielded easily. “In for a penny, in for a pound.” You stretched your arms, thinking about what you were getting into. However, for some indefinite reason, you weren’t worried about it. You were more worried about him.

Sylvain was relieved but, as always, uneasy with his own actions. Was he asking too much of you? Was he pushing your limits? It was hard to act all cool and mighty around you when he could barely control his own feelings and the messy train of thought that always accompanied him.

“I’ll drive us there,” Sylvain commented when he noticed he had been silent for a while. Even though you nodded and tried to smile, you were worried about Sylvain. You noticed him getting lost in his own thoughts, and it was worse that he had the horrible habit of never telling anyone what tortured him inside. Despite wanting to ease him, you couldn’t do anything but reassure him that the plan will go well. Executing it was the only thing left to do now.

--

Sylvain double parked right in front of your building. He was well dressed to go to the Cathedral, with a white button-up, dress pants and boots. His parents might be there, after all, and he didn’t want to piss them off. Sylvain tapped the wheel with his fingers. It was too early, but he couldn’t wait at home — He was restless, so he had driven to distract himself. Still, that didn’t make him calmer, so he was restless in front of your window instead.

Impatient and anxious, Sylvain grabbed his phone out of his pocket and wrote a message. There was a reason for his uneasiness: he was going to ask you out. Or he was going to reiterate his love for you and see where things would go from there.

Torn between his own actions, his happiness, and if it might make this whole timeline shenanigan more confusing for you, he couldn’t fall asleep and instead dwelled on it for hours. Something had to change. Pitying himself and being a hollow piece of shit to almost everyone only deepened the wound in his soul.  He plucked up the courage and decided he’d do things the right way from then on. And, first, he had to confess to you a couple of things ‒ a sort of declaration of intent.

Sylvain wouldn't ask Ingrid for advice, because she would think this is another one of his dating escapades. She never takes him seriously. Dimitri always understood him, but was clueless. So was Felix, who would be even more unwilling to help. Claude would give him the best piece of advice, but he refused asking the Almyran out of pride. And he was sure Dorothea would tell him to fuck off. So he had only one option. His usual first option, because she knew him like the palm of her hand and always spoke her mind: Mercedes.

Sylvain 15:10 : Mercedes, pls, help me ☹

Mercedes 15:10 : What’s wrong, Sylvain?

Mercedes answered almost immediately. Her attention eased his nerves. Sylvain looked at his watch; he had about twenty minutes left until you’d meet him and sort out his agitation.

Sylvain 15:11 : It’s about you-know-who

Sylvain 15:11 : I need your advice

Mercedes 15:11 : You-know-who finally confessed?

Sylvain 15:12 : No, but I might?

He had finally worded it. A weight lifted off his shoulders. Mercedes would know if it was madness or in fact it would work, right?

Mercedes 15:12 : What are your true intentions?

Sylvain 15:12 : I think I’m in love, for real

Mercedes 15:13 : Oh dear

Mercedes 15:13 : At first I thought you weren’t that serious

He could hear the voice of Mercedes exclaiming, as he had for years. He wasn’t surprised. How many times has he toyed with the idea of love only to discard it? And he had never ever been serious with anyone. If somebody showed the littlest interest in him, he’d dismiss that person and do terrible things to them before they’d do them to him.

Mercedes 15:13 : I told her to be careful around you because you play with women’s feelings

Sylvain 15:13 : I’m not angry, can’t blame you for speaking the truth

Sylvain 15:14 : But you’re the worst wingman ever, tbh

Sylvain 15:14 : Still love you tho <3

Mercedes 15:14 : There is something positive!

Mercedes 15:14 : You-know-who hasn’t run away yet! You two grew closer instead! Most would have run away!

Mercedes 15:15 : I think that’s a good sign

Mercedes 15:15 : She might be in love with you, even if she doesn’t know it

Sylvain 15:16 : I don’t like that might. I’d rather to be sure about it

Mercedes 15:16 : Just remember doubts are natural, but you must persist

Mercedes 15:16 : It’s now or never, confess your love!

Mercedes 15:17 : And don’t play with her feelings, please

Sylvain 15:17 : I know it’s hard to believe, Mercie, but I’m serious

Mercedes 15:18 : Sothis has answered my prayers then 😊

Sylvain 15:18 : Or Byleth. The professor paired us on that damned project.

Mercedes 15:18 : I have to go now. I’ll answer later. Write to me if you need it, ok?

Sylvain 15:19 : Ok, see you! Thanks, Mercedes

He appreciated Mercedes’ honesty. However, she had given Sylvain another headache, for the devout girl had reminded him of something else. He hadn’t gone out with a girl in months. He had uninstalled all his dating apps – which weren’t exactly for dating, obviously, but flings. Even so, years of being a bastard had to catch up with him at some point, and he guessed it’d be soon enough.

A knock on the window of the car startled him. It was you, with a radiant smile.

“You’ve come early!”, he greeted you as he opened the window. Unknowingly, Sylvain hid his mobile phone. “Get in.”

You went around the car, which looked new, but not extravagantly expensive, and opened the door.

“You’re the one who is early!”, you said, fastening your seatbelt. “Did I have you waiting for too long?”

“Not at all!” Sylvain brushed it off.

“I saw your car through the window, that’s why I came earlier”, you smiled.

Without further ado, he started the engine and thus began your two-hour journey to the biggest cathedral in Fódlan, and your old highschool.

--

The nearer you were to Garreg Mach, where you practically lived for years – excluding holidays, of course, when you’d visit your family – the more mountains and nature you’d see through the windows.

Sylvain was suspiciously quiet yet again.

“I thought Dimitri would be coming with us?” You asked to spark a conversation against the unbearable silence.

“He’s going to spend all the break with his father in Faerghus after the mass, so he’s not returning to college afterwards,” Sylvain explained nonchalantly. “Besides, he doesn’t like when others drive. Just an odd habit of his.”

“What about you?” You asked. “How come you aren’t going to Faerghus afterwards too? You’ve finished all your papers.”

“Nah”, he shrugged. “My relationship with my family… is rocky. So I’ll be staying behind until our university closes and I finish all my excuses.”

“I thought Miklan was gone for a long while.”

“Well, it’s not just Miklan...” The redhead added. “My father is not interested in me and my whole being, but rather in my grades and my capacity of managing his businesses and his land. Oh, and he’s also-” Sylvain hesitated. He realized he usually doesn’t open up to others this fast. However, thinking about the past you two share, and how you’re always genuine to him despite everything he’s making you do, he continued. “My father is also constantly trying to auction off my hand to any bigwig’s daughter who might make a big investment for the family. It’s exhausting.”

“Sounds horrible. I’m sorry you have to deal with a family like that.” You commented sympathetically. You wanted to express your compassion, so you caressed his shoulder. However, Sylvain flinched in the slightest manner, which you noticed and retreated your hand.

“Remember those girls in the library long ago?” He wondered.

“Yes.”

“I met them in one of my father’s parties. Two fickle, capricious girls that wanted a good catch to get expensive gifts and an exciting roll in the hay.” His tone was harsh, and you saw his knuckles whiten over the wheel. Suddenly, he changed his register into a lighter one. “I forgot to tell you that Edelgard is going to be there with Dimitri. She usually can’t attend, since Enbarr is too far away. Maybe she’s going to stay with Dimitri in Fhirdiad to… amend their relationship. Who knows. And Hubert will be surely there, being Edelgard’s shadow.”

“Ah, I see. Well, she is Dimitri’s step sister, after all, they ought to be on good terms,” You commented.

“Isn’t she your friend?”

“Not exactly. Well, not like Dorothea. We get along, but we haven’t met that much outside the classroom.” You answered.

“I see.” He nodded slightly.

You took advantage of your position in the co-pilot seat and observed him. His soft hair, dark red in the roots and orangey where the light caressed it, the shape of his straight nose and his outlined jaw... He was objectively handsome. The actions of those girls Sylvain talked about were despicable, but it wasn’t hard to imagine that they thought they had won the lottery: this man was rich, handsome, friendly and extremely seductive. However, they had miscalculated the situation, because they had not been the first nor the last ones to try, and they didn’t know Sylvain hated playing that game.

It saddened you, that he had to live that. But it saddened you even deeper in your heart that you didn’t know what to expect. Nothing could assure you that Sylvain would get over his ex-lovers and stalkers. And yes, you liked him – some would assure you were in love with him – but would you be able to pursue a romantic relationship? Especially in this situation?

Ingrid had voiced her opinion a lot of times: you shouldn’t try it. You knew that whatever you did, she was going to support you, but she had her reservations. Mercedes was wary as well. The only dissonant view was Dorothea’s.

Dorothea had gone to a date with Sylvain back in high school and she concluded he was a pig. You had heard so, sat in your desk right behind hers as she was telling the story to Edelgard. Despite that, Dorothea and Sylvain became allies of some sort – which made you jealous until you finally befriended the star of the Garreg Mach choir. It might have been the common nature of the gossip they both faced, or the fact that most of the high-end parties they attended were frequented by the same dull people. It didn’t matter what it was, but, although Dorothea restated constantly that Sylvain was nauseating, her attitude towards him had changed. It lit a small hope within your heart that your friend, who usually despised a lot of men of his kind, was encouraging you.

“Give him a chance!”, she exclaimed one day while you were having lunch with her and Petra. “I feel it in my gut! You’re made for each other.” Petra agreed, although she didn’t know either of you that much.

Yet, what made you different from all those girls Sylvain hated? That unexplained deep connection? Because, other than that, nobody could tell if your love was more authentic than theirs. You weren’t even sure yourself. Did you like him because he was a pretty face, or because you actually were in love? It was hard to tell.

As if Dorothea had read your mind and your hesitation, your phone vibrated.

Dorothea 15:53 : GO FOR THE KILL

Dorothea 15:53 : Make him suffer a little bit before falling into his arms tho

Dorothea 15:53 : AND tell me ALL the juicy details afterwards 😉

“What’s wrong?” Sylvain glanced over at you with a chuckle.

“What?”

“You just snorted!” He laughed.

“Oh, just Dorothea wishing us good luck,” You tried to sound nonchalant, but you weren’t as good as him. He laughed.

“Is she telling you to avoid me like I’m a pest?”

“Something like that…” You lied.

--

It didn’t matter from which angle you observed it; the Cathedral had always been impressive. The clear stone, bathed in the sunrays, seemed to be pure gold, resplendent in its holiness. The place stirred like a hive with the confluence of people, most of whom you knew. A nostalgic sensation washed over you.

“Could you wait here?” Sylvain asked, moving his head around and narrowing his eyes to figure out the identity of the people around you. “I have to go greet my parents.” He clarified.

“Do you want to go alone?”

“Yes”, he scratched the back of his head. “I’m sure you’ll meet them one day,” He winked, “but not today.”

The redhead faded into the crowd, while you waited in the courtyard right before the hall. You didn’t know what to do, so you sat over one of the low walls. You saw a patch of blonde hair, but you weren’t sure if it was Dimitri, so you didn’t move. Meanwhile, you recognised many of the passers-by, as they were family of your own classmates, but you doubted they’d remember you.

A deep voice called your name from the shadows of a nearby tree. You looked at the source of the sound.

“Hubert?” You blinked several times. That was a surprise.

“Indeed. I’m here to accompany Edelgard. What are you doing here?”, he asked. “I was certain that you didn’t like going to mass, and you have to ties with the Kingdom of Faerghus.”

“I’ve come with Sylvain”, you answered. Hubert’s eerie, yellow eyes were fixed on you, disturbing you.

“I see,” he commented. A small grimace that resembled a smile formed on his lips.

“He’ll come in a moment”, you forced a smile. You didn’t dislike Hubert, but he had an extraordinary ability to put your nerves on edge.

“I wanted to thank you for that favour,” he commented efficiently.

“That thing?”, you made an ‘o’ with your lips. “No need to thank me, Hubert. We’re… friends?”

“I prefer the term strategic partners”, he nodded.

“Okay, that name is fine too.”

“The reason I’m here is that I must inform you that the heir of the Gautier is engaged”, he said with solemnity.

“Excuse me?” Your little world shattered into pieces, broken. What the fuck was Hubert talking about?

“A month ago, his parents engaged him with one of the daughters of Mr. Rowe. Since you’re rather close with him, I thought you should know it.”

“... I see.”, you muttered, still shocked, trying to remain composure.

“I must go now,” he said, but he didn’t move. “I apologise for being the harbinger of bad news.”

“No need to worry, I just was surprised. See you around”, you waved at him, indicating that you’d be okay. Hubbert made a bow and vanished.

That was an unexpected turn of events. Your heartbeat was loud and fast, and you did your best to quickly blink away tears so that no one would notice. Despite the doubts, the second thoughts and all the things against you, you had thought you’d be in control whether you ended up with Sylvain or not. However, just like the rest of your life, it seemed that you were trapped in a book somebody else was writing. And now, in the place where your crush had begun, any hope you harboured had disappeared, just like a flame put out with a bucket of cold water.

You opened and closed your eyes rapidly to make the tears disappear and stood up. You breathed in and out in slow movements. Your body began relaxing.

Where was Sylvain? There was almost nobody else outside. The mass would begin in almost five minutes. He must have been talking with his parents, if what Hubert said was true. How were you in such a deep mess?

As if your thoughts had summoned him, Sylvain appeared from the lateral of the cathedral.

“Hey! You ready?” He sprang to you.

“Yes,” You tried to cover your face. You couldn’t let him see you in vulnerability.

“Okay, remember the plan.” He leaned into you, lowering his voice. “We sit on the back row, and 10 minutes before the end we get out. Then, we enter through the left door and hide in the confessionary booth. You go in first, then I follow you 3 minutes apart.”

You nodded and walked into the cathedral. You couldn’t look at him in the eyes. It was going to be a long evening.

--

The confessional booth was dark inside. There was a separation between the two parts that composed it, so the space was reduced. You sat on the wooden bench, thankful that it didn’t crack at all.

Sylvain had been right: nobody saw you. The confessionary itself, with an entry in the back, blocked the view of the lateral door to any onlooker that could have been there. On the other hand, you could see the people sitting in the left wing of the building through the lattice in a very convenient way. It was an excellent place to hide. The pulpit was far away, yet the voice of Archbishop Rhea was heard everywhere.

In spite of your relative security, this had to be by far the worst idea you had ever agreed on. Everything seemed doomed in that moment. You were sure in that moment that you’d get caught or expelled. You wanted to run away.

But right then, the back door silently opened and Sylvain entered the scene.

Sylvain’s wide shoulders almost didn’t fit through the entrance. You tried to move around to make some space for him, but it was in vain. You were thankful for the shadows, because your cheeks were growing redder and redder by the moment as his presence became more and more noticeable.

You didn’t know how exactly, but you ended up with your legs over his lap, your shoulders touching and your faces way too close for your liking. At least right then, when Hubert’s words were still fresh in your mind.

The choir started singing a tune, which indicated that the mass was approaching its end. Such pure voices were inappropriate for that moment you were sharing with Sylvain.

“I swear this was bigger before...” Sylvain whispered in your ear. It made your hair stand on end.

“Yes, when we were confessing, being 12 and younger, and being alone. Now it’s even more tiny because someone decided to have the both of us in here.” You grunted back, careful of not being heard.

His breath caressed your face, and his warmth radiated from his clothes. He was too comfortable, and you felt like you could be cuddled like this forever, while at the same time you wanted to run away from his touch. It occurred to you that he might have been a sorcerer, and that he had put you in an unavoidable spell. How else would all these feelings be so intense? It couldn’t be just love, right?

“I have something to tell you,” Sylvain said, but he wasn’t looking at you.

Was he going to tell you that he was engaged? Your breathing was erratic once more. You couldn’t flee, much to your dismay.

“What is it?”

“I…”, he cut himself.

“You…?” You were suspenseful, but you weren’t sure for what. Disappointment? Elation? Sylvain turned his head and fixed his pupils on yours.

“Be my girlfriend.” He managed to speak. You had no words. The world was definitely laughing at your face. “I’m in love with you and you’re in love with me. So why not? Isn’t it the logical thing to do?”

“It’s not that easy, Sylvain, despite how much I wish it was.” You sighed, at a loss for better words.

“Why not?” He pressed.

His heart dropped and a thousand thoughts rushed into his mind. He wanted to scream. How could he dare to think someone would genuinely love him? He got hurt, as it always happened. He shouldn’t have let his walls down, not even for you. He shouldn’t seek love, he shouldn’t have bothered. Everytime he considered himself worthy of love, the world around him would start crashing down. ‘You’re set yourself up for failure’, Sylvain kept repeating to himself. That’s what his father always told him when things didn’t turn out well. His father had been right. He was a failure. Even when his intentions were pure, he had already tainted his future. There was no redemption for him, right?

You picked up on the rising panic on Sylvain’s face, and you felt guilt inside your chest.

“I’m scared,” you said, trying to justify yourself. You believed it was the moment to be sincere. “I’m scared that you’re lying to use me. Or that you’d just get bored and throw me away.”

“I’d never do that to you,” he said, horrified by the fact that you wouldn’t accept he was telling the truth. “You’re not like the-”. He interrupted himself. “I see it now. I won’t stop repeating the same sentence, right? Now nobody will believe me.” Sylvain covered his face with his hand. “I cried the wolf way too many times…” He mutters.

“There’s something else,” you whispered.

“Just say it. It’s not gonna get worse at this point.” Sylvain chuckled somberly.

“You’re engaged.”

“It’s not something I chose. And it’s definitely not something I’m happy about.” He stated. Your words felt like a knife on Sylvain’s skin. “I didn’t want to tell you because I thought I’d get my parents to break the engagement first, but it’s taking longer than I’d expected.”

Out of the blue, Sylvain placed his hands around your face.

“Will you be my girlfriend? You didn’t say no. You know that I wouldn’t willingly propose to a girl when you are right here by my side. You haven’t seen me with another girl, have you?” He assured, a tinge of desperation in his voice.

“I don’t want to say no,” you answered, confused. “But- Sylvain, we’re doomed. We’re not meant to be.”

“I don’t care about fate. Does that mean you’d give me a chance?” His eyes were intense, hard and, all the same, warm and comforting, with the colour of liquid caramel. Sylvain threw all his doubts away for once, just wanting to be with you. You were one of the only things keeping him happy.

“I don’t know… Sylvain, I-”

“If you tell me I’ve still got a chance, I’m not going to give up. I love you.” He announced seriously. “Don’t get me wrong, if you really want me out of your life, I will do it, but otherwise…”

“This is a trap. How am I supposed to tell you looking at you in the eye that I don’t want to see you ever again?” You complained.

“I’m not a trickster, but I’m not gonna let you go either. I’ll have to convince you to be mine, then.”

“And how are you going to convince me?”, you furrowed your eyebrows.

“I already did the hardest part, I made you fall for me.” he smirked.

With that, you couldn’t resist the invisible force pulling yourself to him anymore. You crashed your lips against his and sat astride his lap. It was easy; you had already done it before. Sylvain was amazed, but he was not one to lose an opportunity. He kissed you back. Unable to control himself, his hands grabbed your waist, but he didn’t let himself explore. He was unsure of what was happening, but he was glad he’d got to taste your lips a second time.

You pressed your chest against his torso, while trying to hug him closer. His lips were soft and firm, his movements decided, and he knew what he wanted. Sylvain took advantage of a pause you took for breathing and let his tongue slide in. He was voracious and greedy in his attentions, and he did not let a single speck of your mouth untouched.

You were starting to feel dizzy and wanted much more, but you stopped.

“Everybody should be gone by now,” you muttered, his mouth still pressed to yours. He was panting, and you could guess what was on his mind – you could feel his excitement rising in his lap, after all.

“What was that for?”

“I felt like it.” you lovingly took off a lock of his hair from his forehead. “I’m not going to give you my heart just like that, but I swear to the Goddess, I can’t resist you.”

“Well, I’m not going to complain if you do it again, you know.” he smirked, releasing you from his grip. “After all, we have to make up for lost time.” He grabbed your wrist before letting you go completely, and lowered his tone. “But don’t get used to torturing me like this, or I’ll eventually lose my composure.”

“I’ll risk it,” you playfully answered while you distanced yourself.

You exited the booth without a single sound. The church was dark, since there was no light coming from the large windows anymore. The sun was gone. The place was creepy without a single source of brightness, and the stone was grey and cold.

Your steps followed Sylvain as he manoeuvred between the pews and towards the sets of stairs that led to the upper floor. You had not been there frequently, just once or twice to help Seteth move some books after class. Sylvain, however, knew the place like the palm of his hand due to Seteth’s insistence in correcting the mischievous redhead’s nature. Seteth never achieved his ambition, of course, but as a result, Sylvain could go to Rhea’s office with his eyes closed. And to Seteth’s one, to the cleaning supplies stall and many more rooms he had the pleasure to visit in his youth.

“Careful with the stairs, the stone is worn-out, and you can fall down”, Sylvain warned you.

There were bright coloured statues of the saints and Seiros splattered around, along with some old-looking tapestries that needed to wash. You couldn’t admire them for long, because before you could register that you were raiding the empty cathedral at 8 p.m., Sylvain had already stopped before a wooden door.

“It’s here”, he stated solemnly.

“Are you ready?”, you asked.

“More than ever”, he smiled and turned around the doorknob.

Of course, it was closed.

“Fuck”, he said.

“We should have expected that”, you rubbed your temple.

“Do you have a bobby pin?”

“Nope”, you hummed.

“Okay, time to go home I guess”, Sylvain suddenly laughed, and so did you. “It feels like we’ve gone crazy, right?”

“Oh my god, Sylvain, you thought about the confessional booth but it didn’t occur to you that the door might have been locked?”, you giggled.

“Shut up! You could have guessed it, too!”

“Four months ago I thought I’d never speak to you in my life, and look at us now”, you couldn’t help the laughs.

“What’s so fun?”, Seteth’s voice reverberated through the narrow corridor, shutting both your mouths at the same time.

He had appeared from a door right across you ‒ from his own office, you presumed. You were so nervous that you couldn’t say a word. It was surreal. Seteth didn’t look angry, he looked curious instead, something you weren’t used to. The years might have eased his nerves. But that fact didn’t make your position any easier.

“Look, Seteth, we’re not here for any funny business”, Sylvain defended himself and you. He stepped forwards out of habit.

“Because entering Lady Rhea’s office is not suspicious at all”, Seteth calmly replied.

“Okay, it seems suspicious. But it’s not what it seems,” he began scratching the back of his head. “I dragged her here and…”

You had relaxed enough to form coherent words. And you decided it was the moment to come out clean, because lies and secrets were just turning your life upside down. Furthermore, Seteth’s presence ignited an old feeling; the need to rely on a much more mature adult. You cut Sylvain’s words.

“Seteth, we’ve come here looking for some papers that belong to Lady Rhea”, you said loud and clear. “We were going to steal them.”

“What are you doing?” Sylvain asked incredulously.

“Seteth, we’ve been having the weirdest dreams”, you said. “And they won’t stop, to the point they seem real, like memories.” Seteth's disposition changed. He tensed, and his face paled. “We went to Byleth’s office and… we read a letter from the Archbishop. We know that those dreams happened, but we wanted to verify it and learn why everything’s happening. Otherwise, we’ll go mad.”

Seteth’s green eyes went from your figure to Sylvain’s and back to you again. It was visible that he was torn, choosing what to do. The older man sighed, defeated. He had lost from the beginning, because he couldn’t conceal his fear from such an unexpected accusation.

“It’s a long story”, Seteth said. “Come into my office and have some tea.”

He let you in the room, only lit with candles scattered around. You and Sylvain sat on a sofa that was behind the coffee table. Sylvain went to a desk filled with piles of papers, where there was an electric kettle and various wooden boxes.

“I’ve got ginger tea and a four-spice blend. There must be some sweet-apple blend too somewhere here, Flayn’s favourite”, Seteth offered.

“I don’t mind which one”, you said, smiling politely.

“We’ll have whatever you're having, Seteth”, answered Sylvain.

There was a prolonged silence. The only sounds were the boiling water of the kettle and Seteth rummaging in his drawers. A nice aroma of ginger slowly spread through the air.

The man of the church placed three teacups on the table and sat in the armchair right in front of you. You had never noticed, but Seteth was fit, way too much for a man of his profession. It made sense, though, when you remembered his expertise upon a wyvern.

“I’m sorry about the light. I never got around installing lamps, and I like the candles. They remind me of more familiar times…”, Seteth said as he poured you a cup of steaming tea. “Where should I begin?”, he inquired.

“Did those things really happen?”, Sylvain asked first.

“Yes”, Seteth nodded matter-of-factly. “All those memories you’ve recovered have happened in the past. Or… in our other lives, as I like to say.”

“Are those things going to happen again?”, it was your turn to ask, then. Seteth could sense the fear in your voice.

“We hope the war will never repeat itself”, he reassured you. “We don’t really know what the future has in store for us, but we’ve deemed it very unlikely. The events that have happened in this era are completely different from those in the past.”

“Who are ‘we’?” Said Sylvain. “If you don’t mind the questions…”

“The Nabateans,” Seteth answered dryly. He took a sip of his cup of tea. “I’m sure you remember, the Immaculate One back in the battle of Garreg Mach, right?”

“Some things are… vague for me”, Sylvain lamented, because you had told him the story a million of times, but he couldn’t recall the encounter.

“I remember it. It was Lady Rhea, right? I remember Edelgard telling us she was a monster controlling the continent from the shadows.” You explained.

“Yes… So-”

“Wait,” Sylvain interrupted Seteth. “Can you turn into a dragon?”

“Not me,” he denied. “It's been hundreds of years, but that’s not quite the topic of this conversation, is it?” The green-haired man reminded him.

“But how did it happen? How did we end up living so many lives?”, you interceded. “Why didn’t we… just die?”

“It’s Byleth’s doing”, Seteth replied. “Lady Rhea, back when Byleth was born in 1159, placed Sothis’ heart in his, hoping our mother would live again…”

“Sothis… the Goddess? She’s real?” Sylvain was dumbfounded. You looked at your cup of tea, then to Seteth, unable to articulate an answer. You were thankful for Seteth’s patience.

“Yes. This gave him great power, as he became one with the Goddess. Which granted Byleth as well the power of turning back the hands of time.”

“So he’s been turning back the time after the war of Fódlan?”, you exclaimed.

“Byleth wanted to save us all from the tragedy that devastated Fódlan. He kept turning back to the year 1180, yet one way or another, the string of events led to the same. So, at last, Byleth decided he needed to go way back, to the beginning of everything.” He paused, and saw your faces focused on every word that was escaping his mouth. He smiled to himself, remembering those times when you both were younger and listened to his lessons. Your faces might have changed, and your voices and bodies, but the eyes of his pupils were still the same. “Sothis, aware of the future, made her holy sacrifice to prevent Nemesis and his kind to take over. The history of Fódlan changed just enough to give us a rest...”

“So Byleth’s hair will be dark blue forever now?”, Sylvain asked.

“Yes. The professor is no longer the vessel of the Goddess,” Seteth clarified. “There are no longer any crests nor Hero’s relics. Therefore, technology has prospered, and your generation was born later ‒ although we don’t know exactly why this happened.” Seteth paused to sip his tea and hear your questions, but all the information had left you and Sylvain dumbfounded. Therefore, he continued his speech, somewhat relieved that he could finally tell a human all these burdens. “Flayn used to cry a lot, weeping about your absence,” he tenderly recalled. “Lady Rhea and I were sad too. We’ve been through a lot, all of us, after all…”

“I have another question, Seteth…”, Sylvain started. He was in deep thought, just like you. “Why is it that we’ve got our memories back?”

“I honestly have no idea…”, Seteth shook his head from side to side. “It could be because of your previous relationship. Back in the Officers Academy you were on... extremely good terms, as far as I know, so when I was your teacher in this high school it surprised me that you two never coincided. However, you’ve found your way next to each other, so perhaps some things are meant to be…” The older man trailed off, but continued. “Well, I don’t know. I know for us, the kin of Sothis, it’s probably due to our blood. For humans… it’s harder to tell.”

You looked at Sylvain from the corner of your eye, but you didn’t dare to face the ginger.

“Isn’t this a big secret?” you questions, amazed that Seteth ‒ and no other than Seteth himself ‒ was confiding to you such details.

“Yes, it is”, Seteth confirmed, narrowing his eyes.

“Why are you telling us, then?”

“Because, as I said, I appreciate you. Both of you. We’ve fought side by side, you’ve rescued Flayn numerous times”, he crossed his arms over his chest again. “Sylvain risked his life for Flayn numerous times, while you were also close to Byleth. It’s unnatural not to trust you...” Then, Seteth spoke once more. “But I must request that this reunion stays between us. Please. We don’t want any resentment to be born in such a peaceful time as this is. And I’ve broken so many rules right now that I’m frankly scared of what might happen.”

“Okay, we won’t say anything, Seteth”, you nodded. “I promise.”

“You have our word”, Sylvain accepted.

“Not even… Rhea or Byleth. If you don’t mind, this never happened.” Seteth touched his beard.

“Wait, Seteth, I still have Professor Byleth’s letter”, you said, worried. “He must have noticed it went missing…”

“Don’t worry about that, Byleth is a disaster. He came by this morning, I’ll tell him he dropped it and that he should be more careful”, Seteth smiled.

“Thank you, Seteth. For real”, Sylvain said. And you saw for the first time in his eyes the lightest shadow of hope.

[agentrouka-blog]

When Jon think about wanting winterfell and it's Lord he felt hunger which he later connect with ghost's hunger. Do you think that passage is implying something?

Hi anon!

I think the passage has many layers when it comes to symbolism and foreshadowing.

ASOS, Jon XII is a fun chapter. Jon’s been through a lot. His trip North of the wall left him traumatized and disillusioned in a way that’s hard to sum up. Anything he had hoped to be proud of in life was obliterated, he suffered serious injury, has been separated from ghost, learned that all his family are dead or missing, fought a viciously cruel battle, feels responsible for the death of his stockholm-syndromy abuser, was stripped of all respect and honor by his superiors, and he got to see a woman die in childbirth. Now Stannis and Mel are squatting at Castle Black, and the threat to the North keeps looming.

Life sucks. 

We’d been introduced to some options that were denied to him in life:

His lord father had once talked about raising new lords and settling them in the abandoned holdfasts as a shield against wildlings. The plan would have required the Watch to yield back a large part of the Gift, but his uncle Benjen believed the Lord Commander could be won around, so long as the new lordlings paid taxes to Castle Black rather than Winterfell. "It is a dream for spring, though," Lord Eddard had said. "Even the promise of land will not lure men north with a winter coming on."

If winter had come and gone more quickly and spring had followed in its turn, I might have been chosen to hold one of these towers in my father's name. Lord Eddard was dead, however, his brother Benjen lost; the shield they dreamt together would never be forged. (ASOS, Jon V)

or

“If the boy shows any skill with sword or lance, he should have a place with your father’s household guard at the least,” Jon said. “It’s not unknown for bastards to be trained as squires and raised to knighthood. But you’d best be sure Gilly can play this game convincingly. From what you’ve told me of Lord Randyll, I doubt he would take kindly to being deceived.” (ASOS, Samwell IV)

One fails because of the seasons, the other was prevented by Catelyn. The Watch has been a soul-destroying nightmare, Ygritte’s offer of taking over a Tower “after” is not even worth a moment’s consideration to him. Every hope he ever had about his life has been disappointed. 

Jon’s just about sixteen and is completely done. Sam notes how much time Jon spends in the training yard, even though he’s injured and off-duty for the title of turncloak. He does not bother voting in the Lord Commander election. A maligned outcast again. Forever. 

The warg, I’ve heard them call me. How can I be a warg without a wolf, I ask you?” His mouth twisted. “I don’t even dream of Ghost anymore. All my dreams are of the crypts, of the stone kings on their thrones. Sometimes I hear Robb’s voice, and my father’s, as if they were at a feast. But there’s a wall between us, and I know that no place has been set for me.” (ASOS, Samwell IV

He is lonely. Even Ghost is gone, his one proof that he belongs to something.

Stannis alienates Jon by talking ill of Robb, but he offers Jon recognition for the things he did right, a rare thing, and then he offers him legitimization. Basically, “You proved your worth and you have the Right blood. All you ever wanted can be yours. For the small price of breaking your oaths for real and of your own volition and forsaking your gods.” Downright mephistophelian.

Jon is torn, can’t sleep, fights. For the first time he has a real choice. He remembers the traumatic incident where his bastardy became a true concept to him.

That morning he called it first. “I’m Lord of Winterfell!” he cried, as he had a hundred times before. Only this time, this time, Robb had answered, “You can’t be Lord of Winterfell, you’re bastard-born. My lady mother says you can’t ever be the Lord of Winterfell.”

I thought I had forgotten that. Jon could taste blood in his mouth, from the blow he’d taken. (ASOS, Jon XII)

And Jon’s response is a near black-out rage against his sparring partner. All his suppressed feelings of grief and anger and longing and loneliness are just broiling inside him.

Why am I so angry? he asked himself, but it was a stupid question. Lord of Winterfell. I could be the Lord of Winterfell. My father’s heir.

Jon soaks in the hot tub and thinks of Winterfell, mulls restoring it versus not belonging and destroying its soul in the process

When Jon closed his eyes he saw the heart tree, with its pale limbs, red leaves, and solemn face. The weirwood was the heart of Winterfell, Lord Eddard always said … but to save the castle Jon would have to tear that heart up by its ancient roots, and feed it to the red woman’s hungry fire god. I have no right, he thought. Winterfell belongs to the old gods

The tree is almost described like a person. A person with Tully coloring, like all his siblings save Arya. Like Sansa. The hot springs in Winterfell have a potential link to his decision to join the Watch, or at the very least to his siblings in general. The castle of Winterfell is juxtaposed with the heart, with the purpose and point of it all. Save a structure by destroying what made it a meaningful place? Betray his family in his heart, the person whose castle is truly is, betray all his values and his gods?

He takes a walk past sites of all his recent experiences and North the Wall over the recent battle field and just sits to think. 

Ygritte wanted me to be a wildling. Stannis wants me to be the Lord of Winterfell. But what do I want? The sun crept down the sky to dip behind the Wall where it curved through the western hills. Jon watched as that towering expanse of ice took on the reds and pinks of sunset. 

There’s an essay I could write about walls, Tyrion, Jon and Sansa (the sun to Arya’s moon) and how they all interact in the books, but let’s say just like this word play, the fact that Jon answers his own question is not an accident:

"Close your beak, crow. Spin yourself around, might be you'd find who you're looking for."

Jon turned.

The singer rose to his feet. (ASOS, Jon I)

The singer rose. Lyanna, his mother, the riddle. But also Sansa, who unwittingly took up her mantle. One unlocks his path to the other and everything that follows in his imagination:

I would need to steal her if I wanted her love, but she might give me children. I might someday hold a son of my own blood in my arms. A son was something Jon Snow had never dared dream of, since he decided to live his life on the Wall. I could name him Robb. Val would want to keep her sister’s son, but we could foster him at Winterfell, and Gilly’s boy as well. Sam would never need to tell his lie. We’d find a place for Gilly too, and Sam could come visit her once a year or so. Mance’s son and Craster’s would grow up brothers, as I once did with Robb.

He wanted it, Jon knew then. He wanted it as much as he had ever wanted anything. I have always wanted it, he thought, guiltily. May the gods forgive me. It was a hunger inside him, sharp as a dragonglass blade. A hunger … he could feel it. It was food he needed, prey, a red deer that stank of fear or a great elk proud and defiant. He needed to kill and fill his belly with fresh meat and hot dark blood. His mouth began to water with the thought.

Jon paints a picture of recreating his own childhood with his wolf pack at Winterfell, only this time there are no outcasts, and he is the Father. He gets to be Ned. The Lord of Winterfell with a lady’s love. And a son, something he had, apparently, dreamed of until he stoppped. 

He has always wanted this thing that he has no right to and it filled him with a guilt strong enough to concern the gods. But he admits it to himself, lets himself truly feel it. The feeling flows through him the same way the rage did earlier. powerful and all encompassing. 

Like a dragonglass blade. There we have some lovely foreshadowing for a) potentiall the origin of the Others, b) Jon’s paternity, and c) his own death when his desire to abandon his vows and head to Winterfell is met with, you know, some blades. Not to mention d) his desire to have these things.

Each of these is answered by his primal hunger response. Which is of course, his connection to Ghost. The wolf he has so woefully said goodbye to, that he missed deeply and bitterly, chooses this moment to reappear. This moment where Jon returns to his own feelings, his true self.

a) the answer to the Others are the direwolves, the Starks, their magical connection to Winterfell and what happened way back when.

b) the answer to Jon’s paternity is a violent embrace of his mother’s side.

c) the answer to his own stabbing will be warging into Ghost and biding his time in there, becoming more wolf than he ever anticipated.

d) the answer to his heart’s desire...

It was a long moment before he understood what was happening. When he did, he bolted to his feet. “Ghost?” He turned toward the wood, and there he came, padding silently out of the green dusk, the breath coming warm and white from his open jaws. “Ghost!” he shouted, and the direwolf broke into a run. He was leaner than he had been, but bigger as well, and the only sound he made was the soft crunch of dead leaves beneath his paws. When he reached Jon he leapt, and they wrestled amidst brown grass and long shadows as the stars came out above them. “Gods, wolf, where have you been?” Jon said when Ghost stopped worrying at his forearm. “I thought you’d died on me, like Robb and Ygritte and all the rest. I’ve had no sense of you, not since I climbed the Wall, not even in dreams.” The direwolf had no answer, but he licked Jon’s face with a tongue like a wet rasp, and his eyes caught the last light and shone like two great red suns.

Red suns. Arya’s wolf has golden coins (haggling for death, faceless men coins, spinning fates), Grey Wind has molten gold (like a crown that kills you). 

Jon’s wolf has red suns. Like the colors that the sun painted on the Wall. The direwolf in heart tree colors, inverted bastard colors of house Stark, Tully colors, Sansa colors. 

Red eyes, Jon realized, but not like Melisandre’s. He had a weirwood’s eyes. Red eyes, red mouth, white fur. Blood and bone, like a heart tree. He belongs to the old gods, this one. And he alone of all the direwolves was white. Six pups they’d found in the late summer snows, him and Robb; five that were grey and black and brown, for the five Starks, and one white, as white as Snow.

He had his answer then.

Not the red gods, not fire. The old gods. the heart tree, the wolves. He may be a Snow, but the old gods gave him Ghost. His own wolf. His white wolf. His place was made by their will. 

There is honor in that choice. No matter what anyone else says, Jon knows who he is and he has that power: to reject betraying his heart. 

How does this choice led by Ghost fit the layers?

a) The answer to the Others: don’t steal, don’t trick. Be honest. Accept what was painful. Not the Wall matters, the answer is in the heart tree.

b) The Dragon father does not Need to guide his decisions. He can let that go. He is a Snow.

c) Being in Ghost will lead him back to himself. Not fire, not Melisandre. The old gods.

d) Well... What does Jon want? What IS his answer?

Jon is filled with sudden energy. He strides back, rejects Val in his mind, stalks dramatically into the dining hall and is suddenly voted Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. We close on this:

So Jon Snow took the wineskin from his hand and had a swallow. But only one. The Wall was his, the night was dark, and he had a king to face.

Jon’s answer? We never hear it in this chapter. 

We hear it in ADWD, Jon I:

"By right Winterfell should go to my sister Sansa." 

And ADWD, Jon IV:

Jon said, "Winterfell belongs to my sister Sansa." 

The chapter is followed by? Sansa. Rebuilding Winterfell out of snow. 

When Jon lets go of pretense, honestly asks himself what he wants, shame or not, his wolf takes over and helps him find the answer and the path. The answer is not in taking the Castle and creating a mimicry of what it was, it is in honoring what it truly was and truly means. The heart over the structure. 

And in giving supremacy to the heart, to the red-white heart, he unknowingly paves the way for his own place: Winterfell built of Snow. He doesn’t have to steal the castle, he will be invited to belong.

That’s my own humble interpretation, anyway.

[yodawgiherd]

You Were Never Truly Gone ch.7

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Slowly but surely, we move towards Hizuru... And the end.

“No”

Kiyomi took a step back, her eyes the widest Mikasa had ever seen.

“No…”

Ignorant to her pleadings Eren took a step forward, closing the distance.

“No, no, no…”

It was a mantra falling from the older woman’s lips, repeated over and over in hopes that it will rewrite the reality, change what she was seeing. The man that destroyed her home country – nay, the whole world, the man that she feared more than death itself, the man that was the sole reason why getting Mikasa to move was difficult, the man who was dead and the whole world celebrated the fact.

The usurper, the devil, her worst nightmare.

Even with the sorry excuse for a beard and new haircut it was undeniably him, Kiyomi would recognize those eyes anywhere. Sure, they were missing the maniacal glint she remembered, but still. This was no Aaron, Mikasa’s friend – this was Eren Yeager.

With every step he took towards her, Kiyomi took one backward until her back hit the ship’s railing. Looking back, she briefly considered jumping over it in hopes to escape him, yet her mind quickly debunked such a coward’s exit. Whatever this was, Kiyomi Azumabito would overcome it, she came this far. Fingers clutching at the metal, she pulled in some air through her tightly wound throat, ready to call for help, for her soldiers to come and immediately kill this monster in human form, but the words never left her mouth.

Because Mikasa spoke first.

“I don’t know if I have to say it - if anything happens to Eren our deal is off. Immediately.”

Kiyomi, too shocked to speak, looked at her, seeing that Mikasa was completely serious. Her eyes were ice itself when she continued, unphased.

“If you harm him, I swear that I will kill you myself before leaving forever – I don’t care in the slightest about what happens to the world with me gone. The Yeagerists can burn Paradis, the war can consume it, Hizuru can devour itself in its never-ending power struggle.”

Sweat, cold sweat was trickling down Kiyomi’s forehead as her mind weighed the pros and cons.

“You don’t have to worry, I’m a normal human now.”, Eren extended a palm towards her almost like a peace offering, “should I cut myself to prove it?”

“Don’t insult me, I’m not that stupid,” Kiyomi scoffed, “I know that you shifters can hold off the healing if you want to.”

“That is true, but he’s not lying.”, Mikasa stepped in, “Everyone lost their powers after the rumbling, you know that much, so why should Eren keep his?”

“Because he is supposed to be dead?!”, Kiyomi hissed, “His head being cut off is what even enabled any peace talks in the first place, he can’t just resurrect and….”

“That’s the thing – I didn’t.”, Eren spoke up, “Eren Yeager is truly dead, gone forever. Right now I’m Aaron, Mikasa’s friend and someone you never met in your life.”

His eyes were staring into Kiyomi’s now, and damn his gaze was intense.

“You are afraid and for a good reason, but there is nothing to fear from me anymore. I’m just a guy, and what can one man do in a country that practically belongs to you? I can’t re-start the rumbling simply because I wish it so, there are no more titans left anywhere in this world.”

Her throat dry, Kiyomi managed to croak an answer.

“No powers then?”

He shook his head.

“None.”

The facts were doing a small dance in Kiyomi’s head, turning left and right as she stared at them from all angles. If he had no powers, why tell her? Wouldn’t it be better for him if Eren kept her in suspense? Let her believe that he was still the titan, to blackmail her, scare her?

Then again….

All titans did disappear, so he was probably saying the truth. Kiyomi didn’t understand why he would ever give up such a weapon willingly, but she was not the one to question her fortune – it meant that she was dealing with Eren Yeager the man, not Eren Yeager the founding titan.

Bah, so what – Mikasa was the one she wanted, not him. Looking at the pair, seeing them together it brought back the unfortunate fact the Ackerman girl told her back during their negotiations.

“So… this means that you two are lovers?”

It was funny, seeing the literal devil and the world’s strongest soldier exchange a shy blushing look, yet in her current mental state Kiyomi couldn’t fully appreciate the sight.

“Yes.”, Mikasa reached out, intertwining her fingers with Eren’s, “ We are.”

The old woman always had a suspicion that something is going on between the two of them, ever since she first came to the island, and a part of her was scared that the “maiden” she was supposed to deliver back home was tainted already. Well, it did happen, although much later than she thought.

No matter.

She didn’t need a blushing virgin to present to the ruling council, she had this-  a strong soldier, a beautiful woman, a hero to most of the world, and most importantly an unquestionable Shogun’s descendant. Deflowered of her innocence, sure, but that was nothing compared to the blood in her veins. Through her, the royal line would be restored and Hizuru would once more have a symbol to unite behind, a thing they sorely needed in these trying times following the rumbling.

Now with finality, Kiyomi was fully considering her options.

She could call for help and have Eren killed, heavens know that he deserved it. If he was a normal human, as he claimed, he would die without any issues. After that, she would order her guards to capture Mikasa and lock her up.

What then?

Would she present the blood of the Shogun in chains? Kiyomi couldn’t say that she truly knew Mikasa Ackerman, still there were things she did know – for example, the old woman was sure that Mikasa would never forgive her. There would be no peaceful wedding, and god forbid any wedding night. Sure, they could drug her, or maybe try to persuade her but Mikasa had a will of steel. She would most likely kill her new husband, escape her cell and then come for Kiyomi.

Scary thought, it made the old woman shiver.

If not that….

She could have Eren captured and use him as a bargaining chip with Mikasa. Force her into the marriage under threats of torture or death to her lover, use their bond against her. The problem would still be present – Mikasa wasn’t the forgiving kind. She would probably wait years until Kiyomi dropped her guard or until she gained enough influence to overthrow the old woman. Then she would free Eren and there would be a slow death waiting for her, deep under the royal palace with nothing but the dark corners to hear her scream.

Ok, not that either.

Kiyomi had to remind herself that neither of these options was even guaranteed to play out as she envisioned it to. Maybe Eren didn’t have powers anymore, but he was still an ex-soldier, an elite one too, and Mikasa was an Ackerman and a literal goddess on the battlefield. There was always the possibility that they would overpower the guards and escape together, never to be seen again.

Returning home empty-handed, now that was something Kiyomi didn’t want to happen.

Which left her with the last option.

Go along with it. Let Eren hide in Hizuru, let Mikasa have him as a secret partner. The city was Kiyomi’s playground, she had more than enough resources to make sure her conditions were met. And as long as Mikasa produced the Shogun’s heir, then why couldn’t she have some happiness in her life too? If she was happy, then she would be obedient, and wasn’t that everything the old woman wanted?

What was there to lose?

Kiyomi hated it, hated this opinion because it meant letting Eren live and be with the woman he loved. She hated it - he didn’t deserve it, he was a monster and death was his rightful punishment. She hated it because it was the most logical route, one that yielded the highest chance of success.

The things she does for her country….

“Very well,”, Kiyomi said out loud, addressing Mikasa “As long as you uphold the limitations we talked about, I will not try to take him from you.”

Steeling herself, she took a step forward and jabbed a finger into Eren’s chest. Please don’t tremble.

“You will behave, or I will have you imprisoned on a moment’s notice. It’s no secret that I would prefer you dead, but since lady Mikasa has ties to you for some reason, that option is off the table.”, she jabbed him again with added strength, “If you step out of line, I will have you punished. Understand?”

For some reason, her threatening tactics didn’t seem to reach Eren, who simply stood there with a completely blank expression on his bearded face.

“Yes, I do.”

Fine. In the end it truly didn’t matter as Kiyomi had nothing to gain from exposing Eren Yeager to the world. Having him killed for the second time would do nothing for the stability in her country, she needed Mikasa for that and she needed her compliant. If that meant hiding the world’s worst enemy…

So be it.

“Then nothing changes in the original plan.”, her eyes found the Ackerman’s gaze, “Does it, lady Mikasa?”

The raven shrugged.

“No, everything is as it was.”

“Very good. I would ask that you give me some space, I do agree to let you live but I don’t want to see you right now, Yeager.”

Taking a step back, he had the audacity to give her a shallow, perhaps mocking, bow.

“As you wish, lady Azumabito.”

Together with Mikasa they disappeared back towards the cabin the Ackerman girl had for herself, leaving Kiyomi with nothing, only her thoughts. Pressing her lips into a thin line, she looked back towards the ocean with the mind swimming.

She really craved a smoke right now.

Eren and Mikasa didn’t talk until they were in the privacy of her chambers, quite a luxurious cabin that was much better than the cargo hold. Once there, Eren tugged on her hand and pulled Mikasa into an embrace, whispering only for her to hear.

“You are quite the actor.”

“Oh please, you are the one to talk – those slow steps you took towards Kiyomi?,”, she snorted, ”Terrifying.”

“You said that you wouldn’t care about what happened to the world. You, who saved it and would do anything to keep the peace.”

“Well, the most important thing is that it worked, my plan is going along swimmingly.”

“Indeed, you are a genius Miki, but I have to remind you that we are not out of the woods yet.”

“I know. It’s no use to worry about that now, let’s take it one step at a time, shall we?”

Humming in agreement, Eren’s eyes traveled all around the room until they landed on Mikasa’s big bed, the covers adorned by the crest of her clan. A new idea forming in his mind, he grinned before getting her attention with a quick kiss.

“Wanna piss Kiyomi off?”

“What do you mean?”, following his gaze, Mikasa saw that Eren was looking at the bed, a smile on his face.

“We could let her know just how much we love each other….”

Oh, she liked that train of thought.

“Do go on…”

The night was falling, the ship being oddly empty when Kiyomi walked the corridors. There were a few guards who saluted her, sailors who quickly got out of her way as if sensing the dark thoughts. The cloud was still hanging over her head and she couldn’t stop thinking about what happened, how it jumbled her whole plan.

Eren Yeager was alive. Eren Yeager was alive. Eren Yeager was al…

A frown appeared on her face when she saw a soldier leaning on the railing with a lit cigarette in his hand, an uneasy expression creasing his features. She knew the man, and he was not supposed to be smoking but on duty.

“Captain!”, she called out, “Aren’t you guarding lady Mikasa’s cabin?”

The soldier went white in the face as he quickly saluted, the butt of the cigarette hastily thrown the ocean.

“Yes ma’am! However, there were certain…” he gulped, “circumstances that made me take a small break.”

Kiyomi’s brows furrowed. What was he talking about? What was Mikasa doing?

“Such as?”

“I... I mean… I wouldn’t…”, the man was sweating profusely, babbling like a baby and Kiyomi was running out of patience.

Especially after being traumatized by god damn Eren Yeager today, she wasn’t in the mood for games or tight-lipped subordinates.

“Speak!”, she barked, “Or I will have you on shit shoveling duty for a year after we get back to Hizuru.”

“W-Well La-lady Mikasa and her f-friend are.. engaged in… you know….”

“What? What are you…”, and just then it dawned on Kiyomi, the blush, and impaired speech, the way he avoided her eyes. It fell on her like a rock, and she asked in a voice that mirrored how she felt.

“Are they having sex?”

The soldier clicked his heels together as he straightened into an absurdly perfect salute.

“Yes ma’am! Very loudly ma’am! I felt like I was intruding, so I gave them some privacy ma’am!”

Oh…

That was about everything Kiyomi could handle today. Walking over to the soldier she extended her hand and luckily he understood the gesture, quickly giving her a cigarette and lighting it for her. Leaning on the railing next to the flabbergasted man, she smoked in silence, staring into the darkness.

Underneath them, the boat silently carried this whole circus towards Hizuru.

Kiyomi smoked one, two, three cigarettes before calling it a day and retreating to her cabin, only to discover that another unpleasantry awaited her there.

Apparently, being an Ackerman and a former titan shifter gives you some insane endurance. Unfortunately for her, Kiyomi’s cabin was located right next to Mikasa’s and she could very clearly hear just how much the pair were still enjoying themselves. To make matters worse, it went on for hours and the old woman couldn’t rest because of it, despite being exhausted and mentally drained.

Instead of peaceful sleep she stared at the darkened ceiling, listening to the moans, giggles, groans, screams, and muffled conversation between the future Shogun’s wife and the cursed island devil.

This was purgatory for all her past sins, must have been, and Kiyomi felt her eye twitch in irritation. How much damn stamina did those two have? Would they ever get tired of this? Would Kiyomi be allowed to sleep tonight or would her whole night be spent like this, stuck in limbo with nothing but a rhythmic banging of the headboard against the wall accompanied by the bed creaking and the telltale sounds Mikasa was making.

Didn’t help that the name she was moaning was of the man Kiyomi despised - It would seem that Eren stopped being Aaron in the heat of passion.

Just as she was about to bang on the wall, damn her dignity, they finally stopped, growing silent.

“You think she heard us?”, Mikasa muttered, exhausted beyond belief.

“She had to,”, Eren grumbled, in no better shape himself, “You were so loud that I’m pretty sure the whole ship knew what we were doing.”

If she wasn’t totally flushed already, that statement would make her blush.

“That was kind of the point.”

“It was nice of you though.”

“What do you mean?”

“Now Yams knows what’s up, despite not being able to see us.”

Gasping, Mikasa slapped Eren’s chest and he laughed and nuzzled her sweaty hair. They were both like that, dirty, and overall quite disgusting. Like that mattered, considering the paradise they took each other to.

“C’mon, we should get cleaned up.”

“Should change the bedding too…”

“Why? Have someone else do it,”, gently, Eren traced the curve of Mikasa’s spine with careful fingers, counting the bumps, “You are a princess, you should get used to having people clean up your mess.”

“You know that I’m not like that….”

“I do, but why not abuse your status a little.”

Her eyes narrowed as she watched him, not missing the spark of laughter in his face.

“You’re evil.”

“Of course, I am the island devil after all.”

Giggling, Mikasa angled her head and waited until Eren got the hint, giving her a tired and slow kiss.

“You know, what?”, she murmured against his lips, “You’re right, let them clean it.”

The laugh that bubbled from Eren’s chest was addicting to listen to.

“See? You are finally learning, your highness.”

“Shut up.”

“As you command, my queen.”

“Eren…”

“Yes, my lady?”

She groaned, hiding her face in his neck yet Eren wouldn’t let her rest, kissing all of her skin he could reach with tiny pecks. Maybe it was the kisses, maybe it was the way he held her, maybe it was because they were both naked and Mikasa did like what he was packing. Whatever the reason, the embers she thought exhausted smoldered deep in her belly.

“Babe?”, she drawled, immediately getting his attention because Eren knew that voice she used.

It was the sensual one that sent shivers down his spine whenever the raven spoke.

“Do you think that Kiyomi finally fell asleep?”, she asked.

“I guess? Maybe? Why do you ask?”

“Well…”, with a quick move she straddled him again, reclaiming her rightful position on top.

Seated as she was, Mikasa reached blindly between her legs to touch his length, finding it half-hard already – such power her bedroom voice had over Eren’s body. To be honest, she did like that control. Mikasa leaned down until her nipples brushed Eren’s chest and her lips were practically touching his, rubbing together when she spoke.

“Let’s wake her up then.”