#optimizing it does not make it less boring

[claire-starsword]

local idiot feels brief moment of joy finding legendary pokemon in rom hack before being painfully reminded of how soulsucking the capture mechanics of this series are

[tswwwit]

Wait, aww does dipper sometimes cook for bill? (Well saying making spicy instant noodles is cooking is a little far fetched but still)

I mean, sometimes!

In the Familiar AU, Dipper and Mabel basically grew up with Stan - and experienced the cooking skills thereof. When faced with choosing a life of glitter in his digestive tract, or earnest but burnt waffles, Dipper figured he might as well learn to cook. He's not winning any culinary awards or anything, but he can follow a recipe and make a decent pasta dish.

Besides. The alternative to Dipper cooking for Bill - is Bill cooking for Dipper. And since Bill's idea of delicacies involve terms like 'unholy abomination', 'unbearably spicy', or 'still squirming', Dipper's more likely than not to shove him out of the kitchen.

They mostly get lot of takeout.

[ozzgin]

Also I love your blogs sorry I’ve been spamming 🩷Hii Author, could you do another part for the small prehistoric reader, where she is actually really strong even though she’s small and innocent looking like stronger than Yujiro and Baki but she’s only really like that when she’s in heat. I wonder how the would react Yk 🤔

Sure! It’s been suggested in the comments as well and it does have a fun twist to it. Female characters stronger than the main cast is the one uncanonical construct that I deeply enjoy.

Baki Characters x Prehistoric! Small Reader Headcanons (II)

Featuring the Baki characters and a prehistoric but small sized reader that turns out to be unexpectedly strong.

[Baki Masterlist] [Part I]

The fighters keep a respectable distance from you in order to assure Pickle of your safety. They’d rather not pose as a threat to his mate, especially after seeing how protective he can get. He always keeps you under his watchful gaze, ready to interfere if you need to make use of his strength. At times he’s particularly anxious around you. Professor Payne has explained in more scientifically appropriate terms that you might be dealing with female specific issues. No one pressed it further.

This peaceful resolve does not sit well with Yuujirou. How very pathetic and boring that everyone concomitantly agreed to mind their own business. He itches for a little bit of action and what better way to rile up the prehistoric warrior than messing with his little protégé? He doesn’t want to risk fighting a half-assed Pickle, he wants the wrath, the readiness to kill. So with arrogant mockery he decides to give you a little nudge in front of everyone. Just a mere push, he does show mercy to weaklings like you. Baki is enraged and the other men join him. Everyone is waiting for Pickle to make his move, though bizarrely enough he just stands there, eyes wise in shock. Yuujirou didn’t expect this lack of reaction.

The Ogre is a man with battle experience and nothing can take him by surprise. It is to be noted, however, that sometimes a trade off for the sake of efficiency has to be made. A rational agent in artificial intelligence may have to take millions of variables into consideration in order to compute the most optimal solution and react to the environment. Realistically speaking, therefore, some less probable events are taken entirely out of the equation. So, for example, the idea that you would attack Yuujirou was not something his body expected to react against. The impact of your small fist was doubled by this element of surprise. His eyes roll back and his large body is thrown at quite the distance, leaving significant damage behind.

There’s a deafening silence that lingers for what seems an eternity. Baki feels a mild discomfort on the walls of his throat and he realizes his mouth has been hanging open for long enough that it almost dried up. Did you…did you just knock his father out with one single hit? He slowly turns his head to the other witnesses, wondering if this is a dream and the others will confirm it. Judging by the equally dumbfounded expressions surrounding him, he suspects fearfully that it is, in fact, something that just happened. Jack feels like he’s been kicked in the crotch. Katsumi is overwhelmed by a certain nostalgia, the nervousness he felt when he was a little child attending the Dojo for the very first time. Retsu purses his lips as a solemn frown creases his features. Tokugawa can feel the beads of sweat gathering in the folds of his wrinkled forehead.

The least impressed of the group is Pickle. Almost as if he expected it to happen, he walks up to you and grabs your shoulders before you can approach Yuujirou’s passed out body. Your face relaxes once again and you look up to him with a genuine smile, as if soothing his worries. You’ll stop here, no worries. You pat his large hands and turn around, prepared to leave the scene.

The frightful question now plagues the fighters within the arena: was Pickle protecting you from them, or has it been the other way round all along?

[potatogratins]

— sticker frenzy

꒰ summary ꒱ living together requires a lot of adjustments and a messy journaling addiction. yuki ishikawa does his best to help you sort out your stickers and pens because it helps him, too. but one day, he wants a change in routine.

꒰ genre ꒱ fluff ꒰ pairing ꒱ | ishikawa yuki/female-identifying reader ꒰ w.c. ꒱ 1,811 ꒰ published ꒱ september 8, 2024

To be neat was the optimal way of living, according to Yuki. On top of never-ending schedules, he wanted to be in control of everything; for example, his apartment, an abode of safety and security, had to be the neatest out of everything he could take hold of. Initially, he thought he could stick to this routine for a long time. When he meant a long time, he thought years, decades, the end of time even.

Then you came along like tornadoes in spring, with boxes full of journaling materials and whatnot, placing them in empty tables, dark corners, and unseen crevices.

“Do you need all of this? Can’t you just use one pen? And a single notebook for all your thoughts?” were the first lines of ammunition he shot towards you when the both of you were adjusting to living with each other. He was rather confrontational about the whole thing and it was no surprise—after all, inviting a woman to live with him was a considerable change in his routine, but the mess was less tolerable than he had hoped.

So, while Yuki was your lover, he also became your personal Marie Kondo. He would always show an item you owned, wave it around, and ask if you would keep it. You would throw it away or sell it, more often than not. 

Then began months of civil negotiations. Do you need that many fountain pens? You sold some of them away. Do you need that much parchment paper? You placed them in a box, and all of them were sorted out by thickness. Can’t you paint somewhere else? You bought a large mat to put on top of the white table if you needed to journal your day. It became a biweekly routine of some sort, and funnily enough, to Yuki, he enjoyed it more than he had thought.

Still, one part of the social contract never moved, and it was starting to affect him.

Your stickers.

When you realized the whole decluttering situation Yuki was trying to pull, you had to make sure the stickers were the first to be stored away neatly. You kept them in IKEA plastic organizers or cheap white clear books. You stuck to sticker sheets, and its stickers stayed with their original sheet till their eventual use. 

But you just had this horrible habit of placing your stickers everywhere.

A new cabinet? Let’s place some stickers on the side. A reused notebook? We can add some dinosaur stickers on the cover. You never figured out why you did it, but you’ve embraced such an itch since you were a child.

Yuki, however, was not too pleased.

After a day of having the sticker frenzy, he would scrape off the stickers. It often wasted his precious thirty minutes, and by the time he would finish, he would slump down the couch next to you. Then, he would scold you.

“I feel like I’m saying this over and over again. Can we stop putting stickers on everything, please?” he would say.

You would nod and tell him that you wouldn’t do it again.

Then, a few days would come, and you’d do it again.

Every time, Yuki would be exhausted on the couch, nails slightly chipped. He would tell you off again. You would nod.

As months would pass, the scolding would get lighter in severity while at the same time, the frequency of sticker scraping would get less. Eventually, he stopped. It stopped annoying him. In fact, he wished that you would do it every day.

So here you are, sitting at the dining table. Yuki, the bore that he is (your words, not anyone else’s), is brushing up on his English while you begin to prepare your journaling. Since high school, you’ve been using the Traveler’s Notebook— the blue one in the regular size in particular—to capture every special day that you have had since then. Last week, you attended the wedding of an old friend; Yuki was your plus-one.

You take out the tiny wedding invitation and shuffle it around the page, trying to figure out the best place for the invitation. But first, you decide to step it aside, putting out the stickers, tape, and paper that you’ll use for your journal. You place a ripped square of wrapping paper in the corner while adding small stickers in the middle of the page or the rest of the corners. Afterward, you stick the wedding invitation and then Fujifilm polaroids of you with the couple and then with Yuki. You begin to concentrate on the most crucial part: the details of the day.

This is the part when Yuki knows he should be leaving you unbothered, as you need to prepare your pea-sized brain to recall everything from that morning till evening.

As you finally finish writing your entry, then you add tiny stickers, hearts, and all that jazz. Holding both sides of the journal, you hold it up and marvel at your new creation. Yuki, curious to see what you’ve done, leans closer to see what you’ve made.

“Very… girly,” he comments.

You glare at him as you defend yourself, “Obviously, it had to be cheesy. It’s a wedding. I needed to add the doves, rings, the bride, and the groom.”

You begin to clean up your mess as Yuki continues to read his books. When you return to fetch the last set of materials, Yuki finally places his book down as the both of you prepare for bed. You lie on the right side of the bed while he is on the left. He brings himself closer to you, and suddenly, you can feel the heat of his entire body on you. His arm is tangled with yours, and his lips are near your ears.

He kisses it. Lightly.

“I could get used to this every day,” he tells you, “I know it. I’m sure of it.”

You bring one of his hands to your lips, but you don’t kiss it at all but warm it with your soft blows like a prayer. Then he kisses your nape, and the both of you feel like you’ve met for the first time again. Your sighs are deeper than the sea, and for the next few minutes, there are touches of love entangled in metaphors. Slowly, you and Yuki drift into reverie, a candle of manifestations and desires, an atonement to reality.

Then, when you wake up, you’re all alone.

You can hear plates clanging outside the room. Then, for a minute, your eyes shut, and the sound stops. But you begin to hear pans clanging and something frying. You get up from bed and walk out of the room to check out the commotion to find Yuki trying to make breakfast.

“You know I’m in charge of breakfast for a reason,” you say.

“Good morning,” he greets you.

You wave your hand, your groggy state dragging you to the restroom.

You lightly slap your cheeks, trying to find some more consciousness if your brain could allow you. You wash your hands slowly, letting the cool water run from the wrist to the tip of your fingers. You dry your hands, and when you look up—

There are stickers on your face.

In horror, you walk out and ask Yuki, “Did I leave this on all night?”

He shrugs and is startled by what’s in the pan. The eggs are burnt. How does one burn an egg? You shake and slap your head.

You head to the study table where your materials rest. You go through your collection and try to figure out where they came from.

Where did they come from?

You shuffle some parts of your table but return them to their original place. Then, you see your journal sitting on top of the table. You slide it slowly to find a note that reads:

Will you marry me?

Four words are enough to drive you crazy. You read it like a broken record, and you bring it to the level of your eyes. You’re astonished, drunken in some unknown joy. You put the note down, still holding it, and turn to the door.

Yuki stands right there, leaning by the door. He’s smirking, but you know he’s scared shitless. 

“Did you buy these stickers for—”

“Yes. I bought it for this specifically.”

“I thought you didn’t like all this cheesy stuff.”

“Eh… well…”

He scratches the back of his head.

You hold his hand, and you’re both standing there in silence. You can feel his hands begin to sweat as you’re standing there contemplating a question still left unanswered. He looks at you intently; he wants to shake your body to know the answer out of nervousness, but he knows it takes time. There’s a part of him that’s grateful that you’re standing and thinking for a while, for making good life-altering decisions has always been your greatest trait.

“Yes, I will marry you.”

Suddenly, he turns away and throws his fist in the air like he’s stuck in one of his games. He picks you up. Then he pinches your cheeks before kissing you. He’s out of breath because you know he needs a kiss—and badly. There’s a quench in him he didn’t know he had. It’s an itch that’s scratched differently every time.

When the both of you finally break apart, you peek towards the breakfast and then look at him.

“Did you really burn those eggs?”

“Yes, I did. I was nervous, alright? You don’t know what you’ve done to me.”

You tease him by laughing and pointing at him. He’s all red, but he knows more than to turn away from embarrassment. He looks at your smile, and he savors it; he feels fuller than consuming the average meal. Immediately, you make him lean down on you as if to ask something about it.

He gives you those puppy eyes as if to wait for your next demand. Then you pat his cheek and bite it.

Silly girl.

He rolls his eyes and urges you to begin breakfast. He doesn’t eat before you take the first bite, and when a sound of delight comes out of your mouth, he is beyond relieved. He looks out the window and into the sky to give him a form of remembrance for one of the happiest days of his life. He turns to you, gobbling his cooking up, and he laughs to himself. You look up at him, and you’re both looking at each other, and there’s a growing feeling of anticipation. Both of you continue to eat without keeping an eye off each other, and that feeling is finally described: that feeling of excitement for something permanent, something that you feel you could get accustomed to until the world comes to a stop.

[cobblestoneore]

How to start a war: by Mumbo K. Jumbo (spoilers)

First, lay your copper out to oxidize. The less optimized the positioning the better.

Have your friend, let’s call him G., have G take this as a personal challenge and stack your copper even more sub-optimally on your base.

Counter by oxidizing the copper on top of his base the shape of the statue of lib

erty

Have G use this as an opportunity to procrastinate building the back of his base

Make sure G advertises this to his friends as he does this. This step is very important. 

Have G's friends stage an intervention for his "Back of Base Building Bane"

One of these friends must be the one furthermore named S. We'll get to why later. 

Have friends threaten G until he starts building. 

Here's where S comes into play. S is a known enabler, and so he will undoubtedly distract G. This is crucial.

Have G bring up a certain someone's (we'll call them D) tunnel bore, and S will latch onto it, asking to see it.

G will of course use this as a means of procrastination, and show S the bore.

Have G and S go to the bore. 

G and S will be so impressed by this machine that they will of course try to use it

They do not know how to use it and it will most definitely fail and blow up. 

Have G and S try and fix it. 

If that doesn't work, have G and S suck up to D. Of course, as this is a starting a war tutorial and not a stopping a declaration of war tutorial, this will without doubt fail either way. But at least it’ll make G and S think they are helping before their untimely demise.

Have D notice the bore is broken, preferably while G and S are present. 

Have D declare war on G and S

Meanwhile, you will be working on your own sus base none the wiser of the chaos you have unleashed.

Congratulations! You have successfully started a war!

[thetempleofthemasaigoddess]

Your boyfriend Zoro being transformed into a girl would involve…

Roronoa Zoro x reader. NSFW!!

*****

💚 You and Zoro have been together for a while. He’s not the most affectionate of men, but he makes sure you’re aware how important you are to him, and you enjoy a solid relationship, built on love, trust and reciprocal support.

💚 One day, in the course of one of your adventures, the crew decides to split: Zoro, Luffy and Nami leave, while you remain on the Merry with Usopp and Sanji. You soundly kiss your boyfriend goodbye, vaguely melancholic at the thought of having to spend more than a few hours apart for the first time since you both joined the crew, and he whispers in your ear that he’ll miss you, but you are both otherwise unconcerned, reasonably sure you’ll see each other soon, safe and sound, him with a good story to tell and you with his favourite meal -that you asked Sanji to teach you to prepare- ready to celebrate his return. Zoro and the others will be gone for two or three days at the most, what can go wrong in so little time?

💚 You will later reflect that this is the sort of thing one should never even think, let alone say it out loud like you did, lest destiny find a way to punish your optimism with some terrible accident or misfortune. And this is exactly what happens to your boyfriend - or at least, that’s how he sees it.

💚 You, Usopp and Sanji have spent the last three days harboured at a peaceful little town, waiting for your friends to return; bored, but mostly relaxed and confident Zoro will be back soon, you leave the Sunny to go buy a few things your chef had forgotten when shopping for supplies. When you return, you’re immediately excited to see Luffy and Nami talking to the others on the deck, which means your boyfriend must be back as well! “Where is Zoro?” you ask happily after greeting your friends, and they exchange a look; no one answers, but a sudden tenseness envelops your little gathering. Nami and Luffy look particularly nervous, as if they had something unpleasant to tell you “What is wrong? Hasn’t he come back with you?” “Zoro is fine, (name).” Nami tells you in the end, which is much less reassuring than she probably intended - rather, it fills your heart with dread. “What do you mean? Why shouldn’t he be fine?” you ask, your words not making proper sense given how suddenly alarmed you are “Is he sick? Wounded? Where is he?!” You’re informed Zoro has locked himself up in his cabin as soon as he and the others returned; you’re welcome to go see him, even though he might not want to come out. “He is safe and sound, truly; just… he’s not exactly the m-the person you knew anymore.”

💚 You’re informed that on that very morning Luffy was attacked by a trio of bounty hunters who had recognised him from his bounty poster; Zoro immediately came to your captain’s rescue, and one of the opponents hit him, not with a weapon or a simple punch, but with a single finger pressed against your boyfriend’s forehead. “We… think that man had eaten a Devil Fruit, and that he just meant to distract Zoro and escape, because he wasn’t hurt; rather… he changed.” “What does it mean, changed? What happened to Zoro?” you ask anxiously, your mind already filled with catastrophic images in which your boyfriend has been transformed into an animal, or a monster, or aged to the point he could die any moment; whatever happened to him you know you will remain by his side, your feelings deep and steadfast enough not to change whatever modification his appearance might have been subjected to, but you’re scared he is now in some kind of danger, longing but unable to return to normal. 

💚 Your friends seem unable to explain what happened, so they simply ask you to go talk to Zoro, to see it for yourself; you do, almost running below deck until you reach the door of your boyfriend’s cabin, that you know almost as well as you do yours. “Zoro, are you there? Please, open up!” you call him, knocking with increasing energy “Whatever happened to you it’s fine, we can deal with it together, I just want to make sure you’re alright!” You receive no answer for a while, until a slip of paper appears in front of your feet from under the door. I’m fine. Please leave me alone, the short message says, which not only is not reassuring in the slightest, but wounds you deeply: even though you and Zoro don’t talk often about your feelings you thought you would always support each other in times of need, making the other’s problems and fears your own. If Zoro prefers to deal with whatever misfortune happened to him alone, does it mean he wouldn’t help if something bad happened to you? Hurt, you still insist, demanding to see him or at least that he explains his situation to you; you even threaten to break the door down and enter, whether he wants it or not. At that point, finally, the door opens, and after three days you finally find yourself face to face with your boyfriend - because it’s still substantially him, just a version you never thought you would get to meet. 

💚 You hadn’t stopped to wonder why Zoro had written you a message instead of talking to you through the door; if you had, the reason would have been immediately clear as you stare at each other, him tense and embarrassed and you who need a minute to realise what actually happened to him. He’s still human, the same age as before, but his body has somehow changed, shrinked a little bit. His arms are still muscled but slenderer, his hips narrower, his hair appear to have grown in a day as much as yours would do in five years, and his chest… his chest… 

💚 For a whole minute neither speaks. “You’re a girl.” you observe in the end, and Zoro nods, clearly unhappy with his current predicament. “I look ridiculous, I know.” he complains, and you would beg to differ, since Zoro is an extremely attractive woman, like he was an uncommonly handsome man the last time the two of you saw each other, but you have more pressing matters to deal with. “Are you alright? Do you… I mean, does it hurt?” you inquire as you enter and close the door behind yourself, and after a moment of reflection Zoro admits he feels no pain, his gaze lowered to contemplate that body he doesn’t feel as his own. “Mainly it’s… strange; as if I were wearing clothes of the wrong shape and size for my body, or if I had to move with a different set of limbs. I mean, it’s not the end of the world, I can move and talk and fight, but this is… I don’t even know what to call it, but it’s wrong! Listen to my voice, look at me, this is not me, and I don’t want to be a girl! No offence, but I want my body back as soon as possible.”

💚 Zoro’s worst fear, since he didn’t get the chance to question his attacker -If I find that guy I’ll cut him into sashimi for what he did to me!- before the man escaped, is that the transformation the bounty hunter subjected him to is irreversible, or that only the man can return him to normal, since Zoro doesn’t even know his opponent’s name. Fortunately, on that at least you can help him, since you are the daughter of a scholar who has spent all his life studying and cataloguing Devil Fruits, and knows more on them than most people in the world; you quickly call him with your Den Den Mushi to ask for his help, and your father immediately recognises the fruit that caused Zoro’s transformation. The change, he tells you, lasts proportionately to the length of the physical contact between the user and the victim: since the bounty hunter only touched Zoro for a couple of seconds before taking advantage of his confusion to escape, your boyfriend should have his body back within a few weeks - a month at most. “Oh, thank goodness.” you comment relieved, while “A month?! Are you shitting me? I can’t remain a girl for a whole month!” Zoro cries out; when your father admits there is no way to hasten his return to normal, he sighs, thanks him for his help, and lets himself fall on the bed, his face in his hands.

💚 A moment later you’re by his side once more. “Don’t look at me, (name), I look horrible.” he asks you as he avoids your gaze, but you still circle his -now marginally less wide- shoulders with your arm to pull him close. “Horrible is the last word I would ever use; to be honest I might be jealous, because you must be one of the prettiest girls I have ever met.” you sincerely tell him “I know it’s weird and uncomfortable, but at least we know you’ll be back to yourself soon… -ish. That’s what you were worried about the most, right?” “Yeah, but…” “No buts, Zoro. I’m sorry if you are upset and ill at ease, but you scared me half to death! Did you plan on remaining in your cabin until your body returned to normal, without even knowing if it ever would? And why wouldn’t you tell me about it? I’m your girlfriend, didn’t you think I would want to help? Wouldn’t you help me if something was wrong and I didn’t know how to deal with it?”

💚 Zoro quickly, confidently nods, and you heave a sigh as you are confirmed you weren’t the problem, rather your boyfriend was simply embarrassed of what had happened to him and couldn’t bear to see your reaction. You kiss him on the cheek, and “I’m glad you came back; I missed you terribly.” you murmur, and Zoro smiles faintly. “You really don’t mind?” he asks, his voice now less deep but perfectly recognisable, the timbre and the cadence still those of the young man you spend as much time as you can with, and who understands you like no one has ever done. “Well, it is a bit odd to see you as a girl.” you admit “But I’m mainly happy to know you’re fine, and that you’ll return to normal in a short while. Luckily for you I have a long experience in being a girl, so I can help you with that and teach you everything you need to know.” Zoro grins, and then he hugs you tight, and you hug him, and everything is alright once more. 

💚 Resigned to not spend the next month locked up in his cabin, Zoro follows you to the ship’s kitchen, where the others are gathered; both Usopp and Sanji -who had already been informed of what had transpired, but there’s a difference between knowing and seeing- stare at him, mouth hanging open, and your chef has the time to point out “You look lovely today darling, did something with your hair?”  before Zoro stares at them with such ferocity neither of the two has the courage to utter another word. “A month, eh? Well, it could be worse.” Luffy comments with a shrug; clearly the fact that his first officer is a girl changes absolutely nothing for your captain, and, you reflect, why should it? “They’ll have to call you Pirate Huntress now. Hey, you guys want to eat? I’m starving!”

💚 After dinner, you and Zoro share a bottle of saké as you look at the stars on the deck; you hold hands, content with each other’s presence, a pillow behind your backs, until your boyfriend feels the call of nature. Realising this must be the first time he has to deal with the most intimate part of his new anatomy, you delicately ask him whether he wants you to -err- assist him, since the experience might be new for him, but your boyfriend mumbles that he doesn’t need to be potty-trained like a three-year-old and the mechanics of the feat shouldn’t be an issue despite his lack of experience. He leaves, returns ten minutes later, and silently sits back next to you. “It’s the second I have ever seen.” he mentions, and you turn to look at him. “And whose was the first?” you ask innocently; Zoro grins and throws the pillow in your face, making you both laugh.

💚 The next thing to do, you decide on the next morning, is to find some suitable clothes for Zoro’s new body, since neither your nor Nami’s things fit him. Your boyfriend insists there is no need to waste berry on it, since those very clothes would become useless in a month and he can easily make do binding his chest and tightening his belt, but you’ve finally found a way to convince him to come shopping with you, and so that very afternoon you drag him to a large shopping centre to play dress-up. Zoro is clearly ill at ease, or indifferent in the best of cases, as the two of you move among the various stores, and asks you to pick clothes he can train and fight comfortably in; you obey, but insist on also buying things that compliment his figure and look, as well as feel, good on him. You also help him choose new underwear, to try on which Zoro remains in the dressing room for a long time. “Is everything alright in there?” you ask from the outside, and you hear him utter a very unladylike grunt. “How do you fasten this damn thing?!” he mumbles, frustrated.

💚 Having received his permission, you join him in the dressing room; Zoro is only wearing a pair of panties, a bra in his hands, and this is the first time you get to actually observe his new body. You look at him, really look at him, and for a whole minute words completely fail you. You’ve always known he looked beautiful, ever since you found yourself shily stealing glances after he had discarded his shirt to train or unconcernedly changed his clothes in front of the others, long before you realised your feelings went way beyond simple physical admiration and the two of you got together. He still looks good, you quickly decide -toned abs and arms and shoulders, and then his chest soft and perky, his legs long and shapely, his buttocks round and firm- no, he looks amazing, and for some reason you find yourself blushing as you observe him, half wishing that elegant, athletic figure was yours and half…

💚 “So? Are you going to help me or not?” Zoro asks impatiently as he hands you the bra, which you quickly take and help him fasten; an hour later you’re back at the Sunny, both carrying bags with your purchases, and your boyfriend says this was a wasted afternoon, but then smiles at you, kisses you on the cheek, and thanks you for the help. Later, you’ll find out he took advantage of a moment you were distracted to also buy a shirt you had liked and chosen for him in your size, so that you can wear them together. 

💚 On another occasion, you and your boyfriend go out for a date on your own, as you regularly do; you visit the town’s most picturesque neighbourhood, and then sit in a bar for a drink. It is then, as you chat pleasantly, that a man approaches your table from behind and “Hello, pretty thing; can I buy you a drink?” he asks. Zoro, who knows how uncomfortable that sort of approach makes you, immediately turns to shoo the man away… and remains completely flabbergasted as he realises that the person the man is leering at, unashamedly staring at their chest… is him. “I’m not interested.” he states in the end, but his admirer is not deterred. “Come on, darling, I can buy one for your friend as well…” “I’m not your darling; and she’s my girlfriend, not my friend; I’m on a date with her and we’re not looking for more company, so back off!”

💚 The situation quickly degenerates; Zoro tries to intimidate the man making sure he sees the three swords your boyfriend carries with him, but his assailant just laughs, and it takes a well-aimed fist to the face, as well as the intervention of the bar’s owner, to make him leave. “Is everything alright?” you ask a few minutes later, as Zoro stares at his drink, shoulders hunched and a dark expression on his handsome -beautiful?- face. He nods, and “I’m fine.” he reassures you, and then hesitatingly, as if unsure of how to express his thoughts “Is it always like this when it happens? So… unpleasant. I know being approached like this bothers you, but I felt… dirty. Like, I could imagine the sort of things that man was thinking about me, about my body; it felt horrible. And why the hell didn’t he back off when he realised I was armed? Usually it works.”

💚 “It was probably because you’re a girl now. That man couldn’t know you’re a formidable swordsman, but he probably felt less threatened by you now than the men you usually defend me from. I know, it’s humiliating.” you add gently noticing Zoro’s despondent, almost ashamed expression, as if the fact he can no longer intimidate other men made him feel guilty “There are so many powerful female pirates and fighters in the world, but many men still things women are delicate, innocuous creatures whose only place is in the kitchen and who have been created expressly to take care of men and indulge their every whim.” “I never thought that. Never.” “I know, Zoro; I wouldn’t be your girlfriend otherwise. Thank the Gods some men are different… and I fell for one of them.” You smile at him, and he smiles back, but your boyfriend is still unsure. “I have never made you feel like that, have I? I mean, I love the way you look, but there is so much more…” “Zoro, no; you’re my boyfriend, I like it that you find me pretty and flirt with me. I’m sorry if that man made you uncomfortable… and if it happens again, I promise I will intervene to defend you, like you do for me. Deal?” Your boyfriend finally smiles, and the two of you can return to your date. 

💚 The next day, Zoro comes to you with his long hair tied in a ponytail and a large pair of scissors in his hand. “Can you cut it for me? I tried to do it by myself but I can’t reach it.” he explains, and you insist on doing things properly, washing his hair before cutting it. “I guess I should feel relieved you didn’t try using your sword to do it.” you mention as Zoro joins you in your cabin returning from the bathroom, rubbing his long, thick mane of hair with a towel. “No self-respecting swordsman would use their weapons as mere working tools, unless it’s a life-or-death situation.” he points out seriously “Cut it as short as you can, please, the way I wore it before.”

💚 You end up haggling about it for a while. You, envious of the lush, velvety hair your boyfriend has been blessed with after his transformation, beg him to leave it long, or at least to let you try to cut it in a way that valorises it and him; you could braid it, or arrange it high on his head, and you don’t know if he ever wondered how he would look with blonde or black hair, but you could buy a product to dye it! You bet he would look amazing, and in any case in a month he will have his short green hair back, what harm could it do to experiment a bit? Zoro is much less enthusiastic. Long hair would need to be groomed, which would only mean wasting time he would rather spend training -or with you- he has no interest in seeing how other colours would look on his head and most importantly, he doesn’t want his hair to get in the way as he fights. Don’t many women keep their hair short? Why shouldn’t it be the same for him?

💚 In the end you acquiesce, since after all it’s your boyfriend’s hair and not yours, and decide for a haircut similar to Nami’s, without bangs or a fringe that might bother him. Zoro sits perfectly still as you work, using a comb and a smaller pair of scissors, apparently not at all worried you could end up making a mess of it. “My sword teacher had all the girls’ mothers cut their hair short before they started training at the dojo.” he mentions after a while. “That sounds… wrong; couldn’t they tie it up or make sure it didn’t bother them in some other way?” you ask, not wanting to criticise a man you have never met but finding the order improper nonetheless. “He said it meant renouncing vanity and other feminine weaknesses to embrace the way of the sword with humility and abnegation.” Zoro explains “I did always think it was excessive… especially since the sensei himself had longer hair.”

💚 You feel quite a bit trepidant as, having used a towel to rub your boyfriend’s hair, take a mirror so that he can have a look. “I hope it doesn’t, err, look too terrible; if you don’t like it we can find a salon in the next town we dock at…” “I like it; I like it very much.” he assures you as he looks at his own reflection “It’s different from what I had before, but… yeah, it’s good. You did good, where did you learn to cut hair?” You admit it was your mother who taught you, first cutting your hair and then so that you could help her do the same to your -several- younger siblings. “Maybe one day, after we have found the One Piece, I could become a professional hairstylist and open a salon.” you joke, and Zoro grins before kissing your cheek. “Thank you.” he murmurs and you smile at him. “Don’t mention it; it was fun.”

💚 Speaking of kisses. It takes you a while -five days, to be exact- to realise you haven’t kissed Zoro since his transformation, if you don’t count the sweet but chaste, quick pecks on the cheek you often exchange when parting or greeting each other. You wouldn’t know how to explain it: your relationship has always been loving, even though neither of you enjoys public displays of affection, and while it’s still odd to have a boyfriend, a version of Zoro, who has to wear a bra and whose voice is suddenly much less deep than what you were used to, you wouldn’t say you are upset, let alone repulsed, by his new appearance, and physical contact between the two of you, be it as you cuddle in bed, walk with his arm around your waist or sit with you between Zoro’s open legs, still feels perfectly natural, without uneasiness or embarrassment. Still, he catches you a little off guard when he does kiss you properly for the first time since his return. 

💚 You have just fought a brief but bloody battle against a band of enemies, who had boarded the Merry to chase you away and steal it from you; two members are sword users who immediately confront Zoro. Even outnumbered, you and your friends emerge victorious, and as the others spread on the ship to check it wasn’t damaged during the battle, you reach your boyfriend, noticing his arm is bleeding profusely. “You’re wounded!” you cry, alarmed, as you tear a piece of cloth from your skirt and use it to bandage the cut “We need to stop the bleeding, Gods, I hope it doesn’t…” Zoro interrupts you mid-sentence, not ordering you to shut up -he never would- but pressing his lips to yours in a kiss, intense and desperate and hungry, while his good arm holds you close by the waist; it lasts only for a few seconds, too short for you to have the time to reciprocate, but it’s enough to make your heart soar and a pleasant, well-known but still exciting warmth fill your belly, especially when you feel Zoro’s tongue slip past your lips to caress yours. When you’re finally about to return the kiss and circle Zoro’s shoulders with your arms, he suddenly steps away, using the hand of his good arm to cover his mouth as if to forbid himself to kiss you again. “I’m so sorry.” he murmurs, inexplicably ashamed “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to, I just…”

💚 You can’t begin to understand why he looks so upset and regretful -it was a lovely kiss, and he’s your boyfriend; why would he need to apologise?- but decide to wait before asking for an explanation, since Zoro’s arm is still bleeding on the Merry’s deck. You don’t have a ship doctor yet, but thank all the Gods the wound is not as severe as the one Zoro had received during his fight with Dracule Mihawk; you clean and bandage it, while your boyfriend sits quietly in front of you, almost not daring to meet your eyes. “You want to tell me why you felt the need to apologise after you kissed me?” you ask in the end, taking advantage of the privacy of the moment, since the others have preceded you in the ship’s kitchen for dinner “Did I ever give you the impression I disliked kissing you, since the first time?” Zoro remains silent for a while; in the end, he bites his lip and “I just thought… you could dislike it now.” he murmurs “You told me you’re not attracted to girls, and I know I just have the body of one and you know I’m still me, but… I don’t know, I thought it might make you uncomfortable now that I look different.”

💚 “Oh, Gods, Zoro…” you murmur, as shame fills your heart; how could you not realise your boyfriend was uncomfortable and felt insecure about your relationship? Still completely focused on the novelty of his transformation, you haven’t even realised this had been your first kiss in five days! “I am so sorry…” “It’s not your fault…” “Yes, it is! I can’t explain it, there is nothing I love more than kissing you, but I sort of… forgot we did that? It doesn’t make sense, but please believe me, this changes nothing between the two of us! I’ve never been attracted to a woman before, but I really enjoyed kissing you, no matter what body you’re in… and I’d really like to do it again. After all we have five days to make up for.” Zoro grins as he stands to close the distance between the two of you, and a moment later you’re locked in an embrace, kissing each other senselessly, and feeling a feminine body pressed against yours and under your caresses is still a little odd, but it’s still Zoro’s body, your beloved, headstrong and impulsive but generous and protective boyfriend, and you didn’t exaggerate when you said that kissing him is the best, most amazing thing in the world. It still is. 

💚 When you finally part, several minutes later, you’re both out of breath, and smiling warmly to each other. “Good?” your boyfriend inquires, still a little insecure, and “More than good; it was amazing, as usual.” you immediately reassure him, as you still keep his hands in yours “And you can still kiss me every time you want.”

💚 One day, after the Merry has docked at a new island, you and your friends are visiting a town together when you hear your name called: it is an old family friend you haven’t seen for years. You’re about to introduce him to Zoro, but you can only say “And this is…” before stopping, not knowing how to continue, how to describe him and what name to use, and your boyfriend is quick to interject. “I am (name)’s girlfriend… Roronoa Kuina. Good to meet you.” he introduces himself shaking your friend’s hand, who clearly doesn’t suspect anything. You smile gratefully at your boyfriend, who grins and wink at you; from that day on, Kuina is the name you and the others use when having to call Zoro in public, mainly after he has wandered off in the opposite direction to the one he had to take.

💚 You know about Kuina, of course; Zoro told you all about her, how knowing, and losing, her has shaped him into the man he is today, and how one of the reasons he intends to become the world’s strongest swordsman is to honour her. You’re not surprised your boyfriend chose the name of his late friend as his own to use until the Devil Fruit’s effects disappear, but you hadn’t realised how Kuina’s memory is affecting Zoro now that he also has a woman’s body until one afternoon, as you keep him company while he trains, you see him stop, and swear, and abruptly leave his swords on a nearby crate, almost shaking with frustration. “I feel weak.” he exclaims helplessly when you ask him if he’s alright “Much weaker than before, and I hate this.”

💚 You easily understand the reason for his bitterness. No matter how deadly and capable as a warrior he still is, Zoro’s feminine body is smaller than before, his muscles less developed, his lunge shorter, all of which makes him a less formidable fighter; your boyfriend has also noticed that, as he trains his body with push-ups and other exercises, he tires earlier than usual. “It’s not your fault; after all, women are on average smaller than men, it is natural that your body can no longer perform as it once did.” you comfort him after bringing Zoro a towel and a water bottle “You at least don’t have to worry, since you’ll be back to yourself in a matter of a few weeks.” He sighs, admitting that he doesn’t have much to complain about, but… “It’s unfair.” You rest your cheek against his shoulder, and “You’re thinking about Kuina, are you not?”, and Zoro admits he is.

💚 “She was a great fighter, you know? She had beaten me two-thousand times, and many pupils of our dojo had never been able to best her. She could have become the strongest swordsman in the world, I’m sure of it - or at least I was; but maybe she was right, and her father, because no matter how determined and talented and devoted to their training one is, our bodies are built differently and men have a natural advantage. I used to think the tragedy of Kuina’s life was that no one had faith in her abilities and in what she could grow to become, but maybe she had been unlucky from the beginning, because she had been born in a body too small and feeble to match the strength of her spirit.”

💚 You both remain silent for a while, lulled by the gentle waves the Merry is confidently sailing over, the quiet murmuring of the sea surrounding you. “Listen, I’ve never met Kuina, so I can’t pretend to know what she felt.” you begin in the end “And yes, the fact that most women cannot hope to match men physically is unfair; what I’m sure of is that Kuina appreciated you having faith in her and in her strength, since apparently no one else did. And I’m sure that when you do finally become the world’s strongest swordsman, no one will be happier for you than her - and me, of course.” The smile your boyfriend gives you in response is faint but sincere; he doesn’t speak, but he holds you close by the waist, close enough you can rest your cheek against his shoulder and enjoy the warmth of his body.

💚 One day, after a peaceful night spent sharing your bed with Zoro like you often do, you wake up to the sound of your boyfriend swearing out loud. “What’s wrong?” you ask sitting up on the bed, and he looks at you: he is standing in the middle of the cabin, his back turned, the shorts he wears at night discarded on the floor “Zoro? Are you ok?” He nods silently, embarrassment having turned his cheeks pink. “It’s my time of the moon.” he mutters, and you blink, still only half-awake. “Your what?” “This is what the women of my village called it. The blood. Do you have something I can use?”

💚 Of all the perks of being a woman you wish Zoro could have experienced so that the two of you could talk about it, you would have gladly spared him this, you think regretfully as you open the drawer in which you keep your menstrual products. Your boyfriend refuses to even try to use a tampon, so you pass him a package of pads, and see him leave towards the bathroom, hoping no one sees him. He’s in a bad mood for the rest of the day, doesn’t train at all for the first time since you’ve met him and remains in bed for hours, alone until you bring him a few well-tested remedies against period pain, as passed down through the women of your family: a hot water bottle, chocolate -that you asked Sanji to keep in store for you, expressly for cases like this- and your hands, which your use to massage his lower abdomen and ease his cramps. “I know it’s bad.” you murmur soothingly as Zoro avoids looking at you, his face hidden it’s pillow “But it’ll pass, and soon you’ll feel better.”

💚 “I feel terrible.” Zoro admits “Fat and weak and useless; Mihawk would laugh if he saw me in this state. How do you deal with it, (name)? A few times I’ve known when you had your things, and you never looked… well, the way I feel.” You admit the side effects you experience because of your cycle are not as dramatic as those other women have to deal with; you regularly suffer from cramps, but it’s nothing a hot water bottle can’t help you soothe, and you sometimes feel more irritable than usual, or irrationally angry… “Really? I never noticed.” Zoro jokes, momentarily distracted from his plight, and you elbow him in the stomach, relieved to have improved his mood. You end up cuddling a bit, and sharing a chocolate bar, and in the end your boyfriend rests his cheek against your chest, allowing you to pet his hair - something you know he actually likes, even though he would never admit it. “I can’t believe all the women in the world deal with this every month, for decades of their life.” he mutters “I can barely stand myself now, and I’ll only have to experience this once!” “Well, there are various remedies, both home methods and drugs a doctor can prescribe, but menstruation does affect your quality of life; I don’t think any woman is ever happy to find out they got their period… unless they feared they were pregnant.” Zoro looks at you. “Did it ever…?” “Once, a long time ago.” you quickly answer; you want there to be no secrets between your boyfriend and you, but that is not a memory you enjoy discussing “Long before I met you. Thank the Gods my period was simply late, and that experience taught me to be more careful.” Your boyfriend doesn’t comment, but he shifts to face you and takes you in his arms, the hot water bottle pressed between your bodies. “If something were to happen… or if you feel bad and need to be comforted, you can tell me; because of your blood, or even just if something bad has happened or you feel sad for any reason.” he murmurs “I don’t want you to think you have to keep these things from me.” You assure him you never thought you had to, but appreciate him reassuring you; you and Zoro share a smile, and hold each other for a little while.

💚 “Zoro, it’s been two weeks; it’s time to wax your legs.” “And why should I? My legs were hairy before, I never heard you complaining.” “Don’t be such a child! Come here, it will only take a moment…” “What the f- ...aaaAAARRRRGGGGHHHH…!

💚 Intimacy has never represented a problem with you and Zoro. You have started sharing a bed to cuddle early in your relationship, and a few weeks later you had sex for the first time, a slightly awkward but nonetheless loving and passionate affair; you know your boyfriend had never had a partner before meeting you, but what he lacked in experience he made up for with enthusiasm and determination to learn and please, and since then you have both learned how to share your pleasure and to explore each other’s bodies. You have thought Zoro was attractive since the day you first met, long before you started developing feelings for him, and you know the love you share has made sex between you more amazing, passionate and intimate. Nothing of this must necessarily change now that your boyfriend has the body of a woman… but what if it does? You do enjoy kissing him, very much indeed, and never felt there was something weird in sharing your bed with him after the transformation, given how pleasant it still is to feel Zoro’s warm body spooning yours, one of his arms protectively curled around your waist, or to snuggle against him, listening to his breathing with your cheek against his chest. Sex, on the other hand, is a different matter, or at least you think it could be; you’ve never been interested in women sexually, and while your love for Zoro hasn’t faded or dwindled since his transformation, you fear dealing with his, err, lady parts could turn out to be difficult. You would only have to be patient for a few more days before things return to normal and the two of you are free to spend the whole night making love, but it’s been more than two weeks since he become a girl, longer than it’s ever been since the last time you did it, and you’re starting to feel frustrated to use an euphemism. You could propose Zoro to try, but you don’t want him to feel disappointed if you do get started and then you decide you’re not into it and want to stop; your boyfriend is smart enough to understand your reasons without doubting of your affection, but still, it would be the first time your desires don’t align, and that is an experience you’d like to postpone for as long as possible.

💚 What to do, what to do? Propose an activity that doesn’t require an intimate contact, so that you can both find your relief without you having to discover what Zoro looks like under the panties you bought for him? Resign yourself to remain chaste until your boyfriend is back in his own body and you can jump his bones? Neither of those options seem appropriate, nor satisfying. Zoro, on his part, has never asked you to spend your nights together doing something other than sleeping, but you’re sure he’s thinking about it, both because it’s never been so long since your previous time and because you can feel his gaze linger on you, on your body, when you wear your bikini on deck to sunbathe or take a swim, or when his pelvis presses against your buttocks as he spoons you in bed. The poor man deserves to be pampered given everything he’s been through, but you know without the need to ask that he wouldn’t want you to do something you’re not sure about or that makes you uncomfortable, and the last thing you want is for him to see you recoil from him or admit you’re not attracted to the body he’s in…

💚 You spend several days agonising over the problem, which then solves itself when you stop thinking too much and let your instincts, and your heart, decide for you. The crew has gathered in a club to celebrate Luffy’s birthday; a toast to your captain -and future King of the pirates!- becomes two and then three and four and in the end, more than a little inebriated, you take Zoro’s hand to pull him towards the dancefloor. Your boyfriend, who swears he was born with two left feet and only submits himself to that torture for love of you, this time doesn’t even complain, which suggests he is also at least a bit inebriated. A minute later the two of you are dancing, locked in an embrace, the sensual tune of the music making your hands daring as you naturally, instinctively begin touching each other - something you have always avoided doing in public, even though none of the other dancers pay attention to you. “You look beautiful tonight.” Zoro murmurs, and there is something in his eyes as his hands, until now resting on your hips, slip downwards to grab at your buttocks, that makes you tremble, a hunger and desperation only barely kept under control; it’s not the first time that he looks at you like that, quite the opposite in fact, but it’s one of those things that never fails to have an effect on you, no matter how many times you experience them. You sigh as, moving with a grace you never thought him capable of, Zoro gently circles your waist with his arm to keep you close; your pelvis presses against his, and then a moan escapes your lips, drowned by the deafening music but loud enough your boyfriend can still hear it. You blush. He smiles. You kiss him. He licks your lips with his tongue. You press your knee between his legs. He moans. You grin. He raises a hand to caress your breast through your shirt. “You wanna go back to the ship?” you ask. He takes your hand. A minute, and a hurried conversation with your friends, later the two of you leave the club together.

💚 You start kissing furiously while you’re still on the deck, laughing as you almost trip on your own feet in the rush of reaching the closest cabin. As you finally close the door behind you, already panting as Zoro’s hands finally slip under your skirt, he suddenly stops and looks you in the eyes. “I don’t want you to…” “Shut up and kiss me.” “Yes ma’am.” In the end, everything is vaguely awkward but easy; after all you are a woman, you know your body and what makes it tick, and so it feels surprisingly natural to gently, carefully do the same to Zoro. He is unexpectedly shy as he takes his clothes off, and “It looks normal, right?” he stammers “I mean, I had never… seen another naked woman, apart from you…” You reassure him that he looks beautiful, and he really does, he is amazing and attractive and precious, and you are grateful, once more, he has chosen to share this part of him with you, especially now that he doesn’t recognise his body as his own. “Let’s take it easy, alright? No pressure, no rush.” you suggest, and your boyfriend nods silently. 

💚 You begin kissing each other again, and then caressing, and then stimulating, and things develop naturally from there; at the end of a few hours of slightly awkward but nonetheless passionate lovemaking, you fall asleep, peacefully holding each other. During the night Zoro spoons you from behind, and when you wake up on the next morning, the first light of the day coming through the tiny windows to fill the cabin, you remain still as you wake up, content as you enjoy the intimacy of your lover’s embrace, as you have done countless times already. That state of things is so natural and ordinary, in fact, that it takes you a while to realise something is not as it should be - at least, compared to what you had slowly started to consider normal in the last few weeks. “Zoro?” you ask, your eyes still closed, and “Mmmggh?” your boyfriend grumbles from behind you, still half-asleep. “Is that your cock I feel against my butt?” You feel him jump, and then the rustling of a sheet, and then a relieved, triumphant laugh. “I’m back to myself!” Zoro exclaims, and as you sit and turn on the bed you can see it with your own eyes: your boyfriend is back in his own body, gloriously naked and deliciously masculine, and half-hard as it is sometimes the case when he wakes up. He seems to have returned to the exact state he was in when the Devil Fruit user touched him: his hair in a masculine cut, his legs a little hairy - but not much: for a man your boyfriend is relatively glabrous. You smile at each other. “You feel alright?” “I feel great. Twenty-eight days; it took less than I thought. Now…” he adds as he slowly advances towards you, a wolfish smile on his handsome face “Not to say that last night wasn’t very pleasant, but you want to celebrate having your man back?”

💚 You do, and when you finally leave your cabin, two hours later, your friends are happy and relieved to see Zoro back to himself. Later, he makes a pile of all the clothes he no longer needs, and since they don’t fit you nor Nami, he decides to keep them aside until he finds a use for them. “What did it feel like? Now that it’s over, was it so terrible being a girl?” you ask him later, as you enjoy a moment of peace together, standing against the side of the ship; Zoro, his arms to his now flat chest, thinks about it for a while before answering. “It was weird, obviously, and… difficult. I mean, I never realised how hard it is to be a woman. It’s like… well, I can’t blame you if you sometimes feel as if the whole world were out to get you. Your very body makes things more difficult.” he then ponders thoughtfully “I’ve never considered women weak, but if I had this last month would have changed my mind.” He smiles at you, his fingers intertwined with yours “Thanks for being with me these past weeks; I don’t know what I would have done without you, what with the clothes and the period stuff. If you think about it… this made it a little easier for me to understand what you feel. So it was kinda useful.” You tell him you’re glad to hear him say that; you never had reason to think Zoro didn’t care for you and your feelings, but it is indeed a good thing if this experience made it easier for him to understand you a little better. It made you closer, which you can only be happy about.

💚 “Was sex good?” “Of course it was; I mean, it was a little strange, but when it’s the two of us it can only be good, right?” Zoro mentions, and smiles “Do you think you like girls too, now?” “I… don’t think so; as you said, last night was good because it was the two of us, I liked it because I was having sex with you, not because I was touching a girl.” you reflect, and then, thoughtfully: “Maybe we could find this person who transformed you, and ask him to turn me into a man for a short time. You know, so that I can experience both things as well… and then maybe we can have sex as two men. Would you like that?” “Err... ” “Maybe I can do to you what you did to me this morning.” you suggest, making your boyfriend blush. “Thank you, I think I’ll pass…” “Pity, I wouldn’t have minded…”

💚 You share a grin, and a laugh; Zoro’s arm circles your shoulders, and you rest your cheek against his chest. Man, woman or whatever else, his very presence and closeness comforts you, and you know in your heart Zoro is your life mate, the other part of you, your bond stronger and deeper than any other; the last month has been an experience that will not happen again, an accident that you overcame without too much of an hassle, but you know in your heart that if the transformation had been permanent, if Zoro were stuck in a woman’s body for the rest in his life, you would have kept loving him like you love him now, and he would have done the same if you had been turned into a man. You don’t need to ask him; you know for sure.

💚 Zoro sighs, holding you against him. “I’m glad I’m back.” he murmurs, and you smile as you return his hug. “You never left, darling.”

[motocorsas]

here's my rundown of all the new 2027 tech regulations:

the most important news is the reduction in engine capacity. the pistons are going to be reduced from 1000cc to 800cc, meaning they generate less power with each stroke. the bore of the pistons is also going to be reduced, which is the width of the piston head. the wide bores that have been in use for some time deliver more power, so reducing bore size means less fuel and air will be used with each stroke. this makes the bike slower, but more fuel efficient.

fuel efficiency has also been taken into account with the new gas tank and fuel regulations. gas tanks are being reduced from 22 to 20 liters for full races and from 11 to 10 for the sprint. essentially, since dorna has reduced bike power, they've reduced fuel capacity as well, since less fuel is needed.

this is where the new sustainable fuel comes in: the new fuel will be a mix of biofuel and synthetic, both of which have a lower power storage by volume compared to gas fuel. this will also reduce power. are you seeing a pattern?

the last time 800cc bikes were used in MotoGP, they were absolutely hated by riders. from 2007 to 2012, engine capacity was reduced from 990cc to 800cc for similar reasons as today; concerns about safety and overtaking. but the bikes were considered some of the worst to ride, due to low torque and inconsistent power delivery, meaning the bike performed best a very narrow rpm and throttle range -- step on the gas for just a milisecond longer, and you'd get shot off the bike. that made highsides much more frequent. mat oxley explains here:

the title of the article is MotoGP 800s - Rot In Peace, which feels like a grim portent of the years to come.

attempts to mitigate the engine's problems with electronics also sacrificed power and overtaking.

sound familiar? right now, riders, stewards and engineers are all complaining about overdone electronics. this brings us to the next point revealed in the presentation, that holeshot and ride height devices will be banned.

these devices program the bike body to shift up and down under certain conditions, carrying momentum and reducing drag. holeshot devices specifically program the bike to start, resulting in the classic rocket-powered starts we see today. riders plant their feet, tuck their heads down, and let the bike do the rest. holeshot devices have their negatives, especially combined with heavy aero -- plenty of crashes occur in the first few corners of a race because the overpowered start combined with heavily engineered aero shoots a rider directly into another's rear tire. this is the sacrifice made for overtuning bikes so that they're perfectly optimized.

but notably, these changes don't mitigate crashes! despite claiming to prioritize safety, reducing power on its own does not reduce crashes. less torque = slower corner exit = riders prioritizing quicker roll speed and engineers seeking higher rpms. and less power = less braking = less overtakes.

none of this is to say that the original 800cc era was inexcusably terrible or that the new era will be as well. but i don't think liberty media or dorna understand what draws viewers to the sport. in the presentation, they justify most of these changes as making bikes more "road relevant", increasing mileage and sustainability. but world superbike already exists to fill that niche, making motogp obsolete in that sense. i'm all for safe and environmentally conscious racing, but as stated above, these new regulations don't make motogp more safe. they also don't make it more eco-friendly either; ethanol fuel is nice, but it's a drop in the ocean compared to the absurd emissions generated by transporting the entire traveling circus from racetrack to racetrack. if there's anything motogp can learn from wsbk, it's a reduced calendar. less travel means less emissions, and longer breaks gives riders time to recuperate from injuries.

in their attempts to make motogp a better entertainment product, liberty media are challenging the integrity of the sport. their unnecessary limitations ignore the true root of most problems -- overworked riders and teams and a bloated schedule -- and waste money in the process. constantly changing concessions and regulations forces manufacturers to spend more and more money developing new bikes; no wonder teams have been dropping out. these concessions don't help anyone but liberty, since they can claim they've "revolutionized" the sport and made it into a safe, sustainable overtake-fest. all they've really done is sanitize it.

[raeynbowboi]

HOW TO PLAY AS THE BELCHERS IN DND 5E

Today, we're going to explore how to build the Belchers as a DnD Party. Plus Teddy. We're not really going to touch on stats. Let's be honest, the Belchers aren't really great at anything. If we were building them accurately, they'd all be super low level and/or with terrible stats. But it's your character and your campaign, so you can make them more or less optimized as you see fit. They're also all basic Humans, so we're pretty much just focusing on their classes and subclasses.

BOB BELCHER

PALADIN OATH OF DEVOTION

Bob is largely defined by his principles and values. As Tina puts it, Bob is a good business owner, but a bad businessman. He cares more about providing a quality service and succeeding his way than making money. And in Little Hard Dad, he's shown to say "It's the principle of it" way too often. This to me reads as a Paladin. Given his belief in quality service and moral principles, I label him as an Oath of Devotion Paladin.

VARIANT BUILD

FIGHTER SAMURAI ARCHETYPE

Bob is pretty boring and straightforward, which makes Fighter really fitting for his personality. If he was going to model himself after anyone, he'd choose Shinji Kojima/Hawk. Thus, the Samurai archetype. However, if we're leaning purely into the boring practicality and straightforwardness of Bob, I might suggest Champion instead. It's the most Fighter-y Fighter you can build.

Regardless of his class, make sure to pick up proficiency with Cook's Utensils or the Chef Feat.

LINDA BELCHER

BARD COLLEGE OF DANCE

Telling Linda Belcher not to sing or dance is like telling Tina not to talk about horses or telling Bob not to cook. It's just not going to happen. She loves the theater, she sings all the time, and she was once in an amateur garage band. All the makings of a classic bard. Given her love of dancing, I went with the College of Dance.

TINA BELCHER

CLERIC LIFE DOMAIN

Tina is the family member who puts the most stock in things like fate, true love, karma, and damnation. She is also one of the characters that mentions religion more than anyone else. More specifically, she strikes me as a Cleric of Sune, the Faerunian Goddess of Love and Beauty. Sune's virtues include following your heart wherever it leads, championing love and romance at all costs, taking any risk in pursuit of love, being true to your heart and your passions without shame, and trying to make the world a more beautiful place. As such, Tina is the perfect candidate for a Cleric of Sune. Sune has two domains: Life and Light. Given that Tina has at least some interest in nursing, the Life Domain seems more in-line with Tina's values as a follower of Sune.

GENE BELCHER

SORCERER WILD MAGIC ORIGIN

I know, I know. It's a sin that he's not a Bard. But Gene and Linda are very similar characters, and both work as Bards. The best thing for a party is diversity. So, I looked at Gene's personality beyond just his music. And the core of Gene is whacky nonsense. Usually, when Gene tells stories, it's an excuse for weird imagery. The Banana-fullo, Fart School, radioactive pizza sauce. Thus, the Wild Magic origin for Sorcerers spoke to me. Gene loves whacky randomness, so he would be drawn to Wild Magic. Plus, he's not really a good bard. He hates practicing, he's unfamiliar with the concept of a workbook, and kind of just expects a music career to be handed to him. Hell, when he got cast in a play and had all of two lines, he didn't memorize them, and wanted to ad lib every take. Gene's a sorcerer with the Entertainer background, but he is NOT a bard. He doesn't take his craft seriously the way Linda does.

LOUISE BELCHER

ROGUE ASSASSIN ARCHETYPE

One of Louise's main skills is her ability to pick locks. Bob is literally afraid to go into her room as he expects boobie traps to hurt him. She's a clever tactician, masterminding several heists and revenge schemes. She's good at tricking people and lying to their faces to get what she wants. As for why she's an assassin, in the episode where Louise is uncertain of her future, one vignette paints as a John Wick style Wedgie-Sassin. She's also a fan of Francine, a Special Girl doll that spied on the Russians during the Cold War. She's not typically a fan of girly things, but she does like the one that's a spy. She's definitely the family member who would be the outlaw punk of the group.

RANGER GLOOMSTALKER CONCLAVE

In more recent seasons, we've seen a newfound interest in archery, with Louise even making a zombie movie centered around her blossoming hobby. The Gloomstalker/Assassin multiclass is also a very good multiclass in combat, which is why I felt it was the most fitting for Louise. She's also pretty accurate with other ranged combat like spitballs and throwing things at people.

TEDDY THE HANDYMAN

ARTIFICER BATTLE SMITH

This one pretty much goes without saying. He's a mechanic and handyman, he's used to moving and hauling heavy objects, plus he's burly, making him a great fit for the party's tank. The Battle Smith is an artificer built for the front line, and they get to be joined by a mechanical ally. Teddy would absolutely take a hit for any of the Belchers. The guy also fell off a roof and walked it off, so he's definitely got the highest Constitution score of the group.

I think this party turned out alright. Bob and Teddy are on the frontlines, Linda and Tina are the primary support, Gene is a ball of pure chaos and uncontrolled energy, and Louise is sniping people from the shadows. Everyone's doing what they should be doing to work as a unit, and also happen to be a fairly well-balanced party as well. This is an especially good party for low stakes and silly campaigns, but probably not the kind of party you want to bring to Barovia or Avernus.

[laurasimonsdaughter]

“I just don’t see why it had to be a human.”

“That’s not at all as unusual as it used to be, nowadays.”

“That does not improve the situation. I thought we’d raised him to know not to play with his food.”

“Beloved… We must not make our home less hospitable to him than the human realm.”

“Fine.”

The two hulking figures stared up at the starless, cloudless, blood red sky; silent and still, save for the ill-tempered twitches of the mother’s folded wings. When the first spec of their son’s dark silhouette appeared in the endless sky both parents lifted their heads expectantly. But as soon as he came fully into view – the familiar shape of curved horns and clawed feet, and leather wings stretching from broad shoulders – so did the figure in his arms. Frail and small, smooth skinned and defenseless, cradled against their son’s chest as he flew like something precious and breakable.

The mother snarled.

“Steady, my treasure,” her husband hushed, endless darkness dripping from his voice.

“I didn’t say a word,” she snapped.

He met her eyes. “He will sulk for a thousand years if we harm her.”

She sank back into resentful silence.

Their son’s descent was swift and effortless and the woman in his arms opened her eyes as soon as his paws hit the ground. The young demon grinned at his father’s howl of welcome, and bowed.

“Mother, Father, this is my paramour.” His switch to the human tongue to pronounce her name was jarring, and their own names sounded clumsy in her accent, but their son’s countenance was as radiant as a collapsing star.

“Intrepid one,” his father said courteously. “Welcome.”

His mother was silent.

Her husband and son looked at her. She clicked her tusks and forced something more like a smile than a snarl and echoed her husband’s welcome. This was enough for him, but her son would not stop glaring at her, with that little creature hanging on his arm as they all made their way inside.

Her eyes rolled like a column of storm clouds and she put on the smile once more. “Tell me, mortal, how did you two meet?”

The human looked up at her with her peculiarly shaped eyes and small face, remarkably devoid of fear. “I was messing around with a summoning ritual and your son was the hottest drawing in the book, so.”

The demoness blinked at her. There was a smirk around the fangless human mouth.

“Hm!” she hummed. “Well, you have good taste, I grant you that.”

“You come from a line of witches, then!” her husband exclaimed.

“Nah,” she replied, leaning into her boyfriend’s towering frame. “Just bored.” Her smile was fine and subtle and very, very far from naïve. “I’m rarely bored nowadays.”

The mother slanted her head, carefully reconsidered her son’s taste, and bared her teeth in cautious optimism.

[moononmyfloor]

Dashing Youth Ep 15-16: Master Li

So I have some thoughts about Master Li and need to compile them, please note that I have only seen BoY and all the available eps of Dashing Youth, but none of the donghuas or the novels. This commentary is purely based on the observations from the drama, I might change my thoughts in the future and those who know the canon, please don't spoil me on his character arc!

I actually "love" Master Li's character, as in I really appreciate seeing a properly done grey character. Actual morally ambiguous characters are quite hard to come by.

He's all fun and games and nice and kind, but only if he feels like it.

He explicitly stated he doesn't give a damn if the kids who are participating in the entrance exam for his school are in mortal danger, he doesn't really care if unauthorised people infiltrated the premises because such is the nature of martial arts world anyway.

Like, wow.

He couldn't care less when two students dissappeared right in front of his eyes, and the only reason he waited for Ye Dingzhi was because Dongjun wanted to wait, and he wanted Dongjun, because Dongjun was a student who wasn't grovelling at the feet of him in respect and that piqued his attention. (His older students have repeatedly commented on this before, that the Master only keeps intriguing disciples and not necessarily the most talented. And he especially seem to like kids who don't give him much importance, such as Xie Xuan, because it makes him go like: How? Why?)

Upon finding about Dingzhi's identity, I feel like he decided to help safely escort Dingzhi out of the city not because he really cared for the kid, but because he wanted to reassure Dongjun and keep him away from the trouble plus if Dingzhi was captured, the unrest from years ago might potentially repeat and that would be headache-inducing.

When he told Dingzhi that he should be stronger and return to save Wenjun, it WAS the truth, yes. But did he necessarily wanted the poor girl to be saved? I don't think so. He just wanted to convince Dingzhi to leave and Wenjun to let Dingzhi go. (And not to mention just how borderline creepy and unempathetic it was of him to circle around that imprisoned young girl and say "I can see why men thirst over you, if I was 100 yrs younger I'd be the same.")

When Dingzhi and Dongjun had their reunion and were spouting promises of youthful optimism and future heroisms, he stood by side shaking his head about the pointless sentimentality.

When Dongjun was asking Lei Mengsha why Shifu was always busy doing this and that and not teaching him, Lei Mengsha answered that you learn things on your own, by being your shifu he only bestowed you the privilege of being able to boast that you were his apprentice in the future, it was simply the cherry on the top to this character's design.

That last scene in ep 16 was

A

M

A

Z

I

N

G

But you basically sealed the fate of martial artists with that hubris 🥲 It was badass but incredibly unwise. You angered the Emperor and now the future generation will have to deal with the repercussions.

He's not your quirky fun grandpa who will always have your back when you are in danger. He's a bored af immortal who's humanity and heart is slowly eroding away and will only help you not really out of kindness but because he thought you were amusing enough. Jeebus. And this actor plays him to a tee, unassuming sagely old man at first glance, apathetic and insufferable on closer inspection.

In fact, it was sad to see how these young martial artists, full of hopes for adventurous futures do not have any adult who actually care about their troubles (Dongjun does, but they are back at home. Changfeng's shifu is lovely but he's a recluse), except for those who find they are amusing/want to use them for their own agendas. The only people who care are some more kids who are only a little bit more older than them. 🫠

[drdemonprince]

Do you have any tips for autistics who want to get more comfortable with uncertainty/unpredictability?

You know, for me, two things have helped the most over time.

The first thing has been trying a variety of new things, and having a variety of life experiences (good, bad, weird, and neutral) and really soaking up the humility that comes with all that. The longer I live and the more passions I pursue, the more life surprises me and exposes me to. The more that I learn the vaster and less comprehensible the world seems to be. The idea that a single, feeble biased human like myself could ever have the power to predict what is going to happen (or to control it) now registers as absurd to me.

I used to try and game out every possible contingency for my reality and understand how everything worked, and a lot of that planning did benefit me, but I also wasted years trying to manage my options and never let the future options narrow before me, which of course they always will and must do. Often the outcome that I thought that I wanted wasn't even enjoyable to me, and then life opened up and expanded outward in some completely unanticipated direction that I'd written off. We never know shit, even when we think we do, so trying to know the optimal amount of shit in order to be able to make a decision or feel safe starts to seem just laughable. and when we laugh, even if its a mirthful or bitter laugh at life's uncontrollability, we can relax a bit.

The second thing that helped me was having confidence in my own ability to navigate unpredictable situations. Some of this does come with experience, see above. But it's also a question of self-efficacy. I sometimes have to remind myself that I nearly always figure things out and find a path forward, even if I'm feeling stuck, even if I need help, and especially when a situation is not what I expected it to be. I don't need to know everything about a situation or be able to predict the future -- I've never been able to predict the future, and I've never known everything, and yet here I am. Bad things in life have happened, I've made plenty of boneheaded choices, there have been tragedies, and losses, and traumas, and also unexpected bolts of good luck and unexpected discoveries. And also just a lot of really mundane boring low stakes everyday grinds. And i've been fine, you know. I've figured it out.

I think a lot of the fear of uncertainty is motivated by a desire to always get things right. but there is no right answer to the question of how to live one's life. The other reason we fear uncertainty is because we dread loss. And many of the uncertain negative outcomes that we fear (such as a relative dying, or friendship ending or a romantic relationship losing its spark) are events we have no control over and will eventually happen no matter what and so we've got to make peace with them. I can't say I'm always good at that. I used to have intrusive flashes of people I cared about dying any time I was enjoying a pleasant moment with them. i was so terrified of the uncertainty of loss that i couldnt enjoy what was happening in the present. That doesn't happen now. Largely because I've learned through experience that just about everything ends, whether you bother to worry about it ending or not, but I've been able to continue forging a worthwhile and dynamic life afterward every time a terrible loss has happened.

so yeah. if you fear uncertainty, i recommend having a really rich, wide array of experiences and doing what you can to build up trust in your own ability to handle the unexpected and difficult.

[rose-tinted-vision]

↻ FLIP FLOP for the fic asks game! it would be interesting to know what lxy was thinking meeting fdb and llh, or what fdb was thinking about being courted by lxy :D (no need to write a whole new fic but just curious about your thoughts about it heh) (this is j, it won't let me send asks from sideblogs)

Hello @hualianisms !!! Thank you for your asks :D I’m assuming you mean “What matters is ‘you’ and not which state of you” for this one >_< (I'll get to your second ask soon!!)

Flip Flop for the fic asks game: send me a scene from one of my fics and I’ll describe or write it from another character’s POV!

---

For LXY’s pov: I think he’s mostly confused at the start, but very charmed by this pretty young master– and that much is obvious from the way FDB carries and addresses himself by “本公子 (ben gongzi)” – and his interest is further attracted by FDB’s swordsmanship, his unique duochou gongzi’s swordplay.

Obviously, it’s nothing more than a passing attraction since he still has QWM in his heart, but he had noticed the way LLH reacted to his flirtatious remarks directed to FDB– and well, he’s bored living in this tiny, cramped house that was smaller than his room back in the Sigu sect with nothing but bothersome chores to do all day, so he continues this game of his.

(He thinks Fang daxia has caught on– otherwise he didn’t seem much like the type who would entertain unwanted affection, much less unrequited ones– and the man was much more observant than he let on, so Li Xiangyi plays it up on some days, if only to watch LLH eat vinegar).

---

As for FDB: It’s startling for him to see LXY materialise out of nowhere one day, and he is momentarily overtaken by fear that something has happened to LLH, except that he had just woken up beside an untouched, healthy LLH. So to say that FDB is confused is an understatement, but he takes him in anyway, knowing that LLH wouldn’t leave him to die outside the Lotus Tower, no matter what he might say.

FDB doesn’t know how to feel, at first. How is someone to react, upon meeting the person who has left such an impact on their past, who has so drastically changed the course of their life without knowing it and subsequently vanished for the next decade?

(LLH stays on the upper level of the Lotus Tower all afternoon, and FDB does not try to bring up the topic with him. He knows of LLH’s complicated emotions regarding LXY, knows that the other needed his own time).

He himself thought he knew his own stance on the topic, but seeing LXY in the flesh, his striking resemblance to the man he shared a blanket with– shook up his resolve a little.

That is, until he opened his mouth.

His manner of speech, his (not entirely unfounded) confidence and arrogance, his clumsy attempts at flirting– they were all so unlike LLH that FDB wonders how he ever thought them similar. LXY was still a teenager, he realises. Still so young and untouched by the jianghu, still with that unbridled optimism and hope and drive to save the common people.

He was still so young.

Well– not that much younger than FDB himself, but young in that he was still less travelled and less jaded than him and LLH themselves, and he marvels at the sight.

Just how little self-preservation LXY had, FDB would soon witness, as the young sect leader makes a pass at him over dinner, something that had him choking on his food at.

He checks on LLH soon afterwards, who had woodenly passed him a cup of water without a word– sure enough, his glare would've killed a lesser man– FDB could only thank the gods that LXY had a seemingly impenetrably thick skin.

(It was the first of many more attempts to come, he would soon find out.

…which was not that bad, he would admit. LXY’s awkward attempts at courtship were amusing and came with the added benefit of watching LLH eat vinegar.

The tables were flipped for once, FDB smiles triumphantly).

[theminecraftbee]

oh yeah anyway my further deckbuilding advice for hctcg (and other tcgs) but this time less 'actual talk about ratios' and more 'philosophical advice i guess':

netdeck (copy other people) all you'd like. yes i KNOW people will be rude when you netdeck a popular deck but like... actually who cares, deckbuilding is a skill, it's hard, and netdecking gives you a framework you can be pretty sure is decent to start playing with so you can learn mechanically without losing all the time. later, you can adjust it to use stuff you like more, or adjust it based on what you see other people playing. (this is basically entirely how i build magic decks for mtg:a standard, i find a version of what i want to play that someone else made and then adjust it as i play it to be more what i want to play.)

similarly people will complain a LOT about people who play the meta and just... ignore those guys? if you enjoy playing meta play the meta. learning the meta and, more importantly, why certain strategies are meta will make you better at running off-meta when you want to too. literally any competitive game will have a meta, devs will use banlists/limited lists/errata to try to rebalance and change the meta as needed, players will try to break the meta. that's how it goes. you're not a bad person if you like winning. winning is fun. play meta all you want.

if you like a certain effect just build your deck around that thing you'll have fun with it i promise. yes even if it's bad. yes "is this thing really an optimal choice" is how i do a lot of thinking (hence my deck being so many three-ofs part of my process is "if i'm playing this, is it worth playing at less than three"), but that's not everyone's thing. "does this spark joy" is also important!

(glances back at mtg:a again there's a REASON i refused to play mono-black for like the past three sets and that's because i just don't like it, even if playing a deck that could actually play sheoldred probably would have been better,)

remember that single game format kinda sucks a little bit and there's a reason most tournaments play with a sideboard (set of 8-15 cards that you can swap in between games after seeing what your opponent plays). actually DO recommend sideboarding with friends. sideboarding is fun.

you're allowed to tell your friends you're playing with like, your own invented banlist, that's a thing you can do, have fun with it.

uh. basic items are boring but you need to play a lot of them unless you're playing really low-curve and even then my mono-redstone is the equivalent of 'really low curve' and i still hesitate to cut more items,

did you know i got FTKed by stress the other day? because i'm like this and think people should be allowed to play broken stuff i'll tell you how they did it, it was with a combination of rare stress, opponent flipping going second, and opponent drawing into a efficiency book turn one it was SO FUNNY. i love FTKs. winning before the opponent gets to play is very funny.

that's probably unreliable though and WILL make your friends mad at you if you do it so you know. mileage may vary

i still think "cheap and aggro" is probably the best deck atm; like, doc was complaining that pearl needs to be nerfed but i'm REALLY not convinced. maybe it's because i play the deck with all the status effects though.

idk i'm thinking about all of this. rotating it. because i'm a nerd.

[linkspooky]

Jujutsu Kaisen, Chapter 205 Thoughts. 

AND IT’S YUKI TSUKUMO WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!

So this week we continue with more fighting, however rather than the powers and strategies used in the fight itself, let’s look at the two special grade sorcerers fighting Tsukumo Yuki and Kenjaku. The matchups in Jujutsu Kaisen are not just about power levels, often the characters fighting foil one another in some way, so let’s analyze Kenjaku and Yuki the old school and new school sorcerers. 

1. Thinking outside the Box

Considering half of this chapter is Tsukumo and Kenjaku analyzing each other’s strategies and cursed techniques before either of them throw the first punch to the point where the above image has their faces exactly aligned like they’re the left and right lobes of the same brain. 

This happens every time Kenjaku and Yuki interact, down to the first time we see them meet in canon. Despite the fact they are clearly on opposing sides, they discuss their plans and theories like they are a pair of colleagues aruging with each other rather than on opposite sides of the battlefield. 

Besides the fact that they have completely different ideas on what they think (the next stage of humanity) should be, they still talk and pick apart the holes in each other’s plans. Yuki grasps immediately that if Kenjaku were to try to optimize cursed energy, the people around the world would start targeting sorcerers as sources of cursed energy because they are almost exclusive to Japan. 

She in effect predicts a part of Kenjaku’s plan far ahead of time, his going overseas to get world superpowers interested in harnessing energy from cursed sorcerers in Japan. Whatever Kenjaku’s actual objective is with introducing armies from foreign nations into the culling games, Tsukumo was able to predict the inevitable next stage of his plan through sheer guesswork. 

On top of that, Kenjaku himself comments that he and Tsukumo think similiarly and that makes him happy because and this is just supposition he believes that few sorcerers in history have ever truly looked at the world the way he did. 

The most famous appearance we have of Kenjaku in history is when he took Noritoshi Kamo’s body, and was reviled by the world around him for his experimentation with cursed energy. Living a thousand years body hopping he has been a social pariah for a long time, for good reason.

 Kenjaku himself does not make social connections, and does not usually care at all for the thoughts and feelings of other people. He sees everyone as tools for furthering whatever result of his experiment he wants to bring about, and seems to judge people on whether they catch his interest or not. The fact that Tsukumo Yuki intrigues him when he dismisses his own children as boring is definitely something. 

What unites their thinking is most lilely that they are both outsiders to the current world around them, seeking to bring about a change, though they obviously have opposite ideas of what that change might be. Yuki is similar to Kenjaku in the fact that she is a big picture thinker who is less concerned about the individual lives of people involved in her plans. 

Yuki warns the main characters themselves that she’s not on their side. She also says that as a special grade she could have intervened and acted sooner, but she chose not to at the consequence of everything else. Considering that Kenjaku reconfigures Tenge’s barrier into a movie theatre, both of them tend to act as watchers from the outside rather than direct players. 

They are like scientists observing the result of an experiment and therefore they minimize their involvement until absolutely necessary. Though, I’m sure the people who died in Shibuya aren’t really appreciative of the fact that Tsukumo didn’t play her hand sooner because she wanted to watch what happened next. Not that I’m saying it’s her fault directly but she herself admits she could and should have done something earlier and holding back to just watch was a mistake on her part. 

She also at one point casually considers researching Toji as a test subject. Part of me wonders what that experiment would have been, considering that her ambition to change the whole world is probably more important in her mind than the life of one person. 

However, Yuki at least seems to have some morals whereas Kenjaku is literally amoral ( driven by no sense of right and wrong or moral standard everything he does is just based upon his own personal desires and objectives), Yuki takes a firm stance against the senseless sacrifice of life. 

2. Eros and Thanatos 

Yuki and Kenjaku also oppose each other thematically, Yuki is a character surrounded by symbolism associated with life and the proliferation and preservation of life, whereas death haunts Kenjaku’s character itself where he may be a force of death itself bringing tragedy and destruction to the lives surrounding the main characters. 

In Freudian Psychoanalytic theory, we would call this Thanatos and Eros.  

With the publication of the book “Beyond the Pleasure Principal” in 1920, Freud concluded that all instincts fall into one of two major classes: life drives and death drives - later dubbed Eros and Thanatos by other psychologists. Eros was the god of love, fertility and passion in ancient Greece. Thanatos was the human manifestation of Death. [X]

Yuki is painted many ways as the Eros of the story, it all starts with her question. “What kind of girls are you into?” Both her and her student Todo constantly interrogate others about this question, and this question itself is symbolic of Libido, while her cursed energy makes little hearts. 

In psychoanalysis Libido is the energy of sexual drive as a component of the life instinct. Quite simply, in order for all human life to continue people have to reproduce so early, early psychology theorizes that sex drive is influenced by psychological factors. Aoi even goes onto explain this question in basically terms of the Freudian idea of libido, that a person’s attraction to others is influenced by personality. Regardless of if this is actually true in real life or not, Megumi himself shows that his own personality has an influence in the kind of person he’s seeking a relationship with, because he wants a compassionate person. 

Aoi just like Yuki is surrounded by ‘Life” symbolism. Todo explains cursed energy to Yuji in cooking metaphors (you have to eat in order to survive) he loves passionate people and takes no interest in people who are boring / have no passion for life. Food, love, sex, passions are all things that make life worth living. 

Todo is also the most cooperative of all the Jujutsu Sorcerers as shown in his teamwork with Yuji, because the social cooperation that humans are capable of is also considered to be part of the life drive. Humans are a social species, no man is an island as they say, they have to cooperate together in society in order to survive. Yuki herself unlike Kenjaku cooperates with allies including Larue a former member of Geto’s family that has hearts on their nipples (recurring heart symbolism again). 

When Kenjaku tries to paint Yuji as the center of all that disaster and death brought upon the world, then Choso corrects him and says that Kenjaku is the one who brings death to everyone around him, a symbolic bringer of death himself like a Grim Reaper or a Shinigami. 

Kenjaku is surrounded by death symbolism, he  is literally inhabiting a dead body as we speak. His nine children are named after the Death Paintings, which are named after the Kusozu (Nine Phase Diagram) , a budhist serious of nine paintings that depict the stages of death and decomposition of a corpse. 

Kenjaku may seem like a life giver, because he is a single mother of one Yuji Itadori, and father to the Death Paintings, but what he does is actually a perversion of life. Succesful procreation requires that your children after all, he abandons the Death Painting Sibs to death, and sets up Yuji as a sacrifice to die. Even the curse painting sibs themselves aren’t properly born, they all in their cursed womb forms look like aborted fetuses in the nine month stages of fetal growth, which probably gives you a hint of how they came out of the mother. 

Kenjaku prolongs his own life at the cost of other lives, he kills people and steals their bodies, and does the same for the resurrection of old sorcerers they have completely overtaken a host body in order to continue living for the culling games. 

The death drive being the opposite of the life drive, drives people towards risky behavior, death, destruction. Which fits Kenjaku as his whole goal itself is to create risks, trying to bring something unexpected into the world. 

The ultimate irony in Kenjaku is that while his goal seems to be creating something new, a future he can’t see beyond the chaos, a cursed spirit with an unexpected face, he himself is incapable of creation his methods are just destruction. He creates children and then abanons them when they disappoint him, he creates Yuji just to die. He is a perversion of motherhood, and he is a perversion of a creator too. He doesn’t create so much as destroy what is already there, recklessly, hoping that will lead to something new. 

Yet, death is one half of life. 

 Everything life positive (love, social cooperation, etc. etc) is done by human beings, and everything that creates death (murder, violence, self-destructive behavior, addiction, risk taking) is also done by humans as well they make up two aspects of human lives. All humans want to live, and yet all humans also are aware no matter what they do they may someday die.

Which is why despite having opposite goals, Yuki and Kenjaku exist as two sides of the same coin. 

[1800duckhotline]

im new here and missed your bg3 phase entirely can i hear what makes the game so sucks for you (or ill go look in the tag! fine too). i love to hear people bitchin about games everybody else doesnt wanna criticize

omg hello... first of all welcome to my twisted mind etc. my blog is an array of a completely random agglomeration of interests so im sorry if i shift from posting from x to y at the speed of light LMFAO. my bg3 obsession phase was definitely a strange exception but i guess it is what it is

and def i can give u the sparknotes version of my criticisms for the game, which are both rational and not and you're free not to agree and so forth, i'm just one guy expressing an opinion which i think i'm entitled to since i've played this game for over 200 hours almost i am fairly sure. i was not okay.

obviously i'll be mentioning spoilers fyi. i got long here but i promise this is just the Resume of my actual opinions

i hate the fact everyone sounds british except minsc or jaheira. i just dont like it. like a few characters here and there its nothing that bothers me but i'm tired of british accents in fantasy media. it makes things more of a snoozefest

for a game that prides itself on characters being reactive and interactable (esp companions) more often than not the companions reactions have been disappointingly lackluster and straight up Sad because they're so Nothing. i.e. durge reveal

i think not having tav/durge voiced was stupid. my onion!

the game is not as revolutionary as people make it out to be when it comes to character design and good lord the character creator to me is offensive. the companions are all EXTREMELY SAFE when it comes to 'conventional beauty standards', and while i'm not surprised nor did i expect any less, the lack of body diversity to me is just so... boring. it's so nothingburger. like i love projecting hcs and shit but i wish i didn't have to do that

wyll having so little in terms of content and writing and reactions in the game compared to astarion (and let's also say shadowheart bc on a technical level she's the second favorite of larian) is genuinely the worst thing to me because his concept is charming and interesting and larian just decided to do nothing with him. players that are black and/or poc obviously have said this a trillion times, i'm just echoing the sentiment because i also hate how blatant it is, esp when i read up and watched how he used to be in EA. like not to say the writing there was stellar but he had dimension. larian just does not give a fuck abt him and it is irritating lmao, esp since astarion has tangentially 0 actual involvement with the game's main plot in his arc WHILE WYLL LITERALLY GETS HIS ARC SIDELINED BY THE EMPEROR I FUCKING HATE THAT STUPID TURN OF EVENTS SO MUCH

act 1 is probably the best optimized out of all the acts, with the optimization being probably up to midway of act 2. then it alllllll goes downhill. i said it so much but i never get tired of saying it: act 3 is so poorly organized, so many good ideas all smushed together in an indigestible slog of an act with too many quests flattened in one single serving making it so fucking hard to want to get it done. which is awful, because a lot of poignant plot events and fights happen in act 3. i'm still of the firm belief they should've made an act 4. considering this ties in with the aforementioned issue where wyll was supposed to get more content... and it got cut out 'for time'.

i fucking hate astarion fans. i trust like 2 people that do like him. i genuinely was so indifferent to him in the game. like he's fine as a character. i just dont like him much because of the fans. Again ties in with the wyll issues too because people love to pretend astarion would be in wyll's place in the dancing scene when astarion would call you slurs and kill you if he could

also like think what you will of minthara but i think it's criminal that she's a companion and alongside wyll is left to rot at the bottom of the game's code. it's definitely more egregious for wyll imo but like. idk i also am not a fan of this esp since i discovered halsin was added as a companion because THE FANS begged them to. seething

again, there's people more well equipped to discuss this and i did reblog and share posts abt this before on my main account but the embarrassing fantasy racism is there and it's an innate problem of dnd. i think it should be mentioned and kept in mind regardless if it's done well or not (which i don't think it was).

this is less abt the game itself and more abt the fandom but i genuinely cannot fucking stand people who are so aggressive at users who have sexuality headcanons for some of the characters of the game. i've seen people have SO much fucking vitriol towards lesbians having lesbian hcs, specifically, gee i wonder why. this hasn't happened to Me but i have witnessed it.

i think that's more or less the Issues i have with bg3. you're free to ask anything in specific but like... i dont hate the game. or i wouldnt have played it so much. but it should not have been GOTY to me. sorry. like there's so much i just think is wrong... but im just one guy.

i usually prefer completely different types and genres of games, so obviously i'll be more dissecting towards a game i tried out of curiosity and Liked, but with many grievances. the type of stuff i usually like is also far from perfect but i judge a lot of those things in bg3 because of how the game presents itself as in advertisement and social media posts, as well as just like, the steam page. i have plans in the future to try similar games to bg3 to see if it's a common problem within that genre or if it's the black sheep (for me) but for now it is how it is

anyways i did also like a lot of parts of the game, it's just, i can't really reccomend it without mentioning what i didn't like you know?

[super-sidney-bridger]

Legend of Grimrock (2012): An Overlong and Overdue Review

Ah, Legend of Grimrock, a foe that has seemed implacable since I was 14 or 15 years old and it was a relatively recent release. My first and to date only experience with old school grid based dungeon crawlers. If you’re interested in the genre and looking for a simple yea or nay on whether this should be your starting point, then the fact I’ve recommended this title should be enough, but if you want to know a little more then keep reading.

(Beware, there will likely be spoilers ahead. If you care about a 12 year old game with a pretty threadbare plot being spoiled for you then you may want to simply take my recommendation at face value.)

So firstly, I’m going to briefly address any Steam Deck users that may be reading this, since that’s what I used for my recent run where I beat the game after some 10 years of accepting defeat. The game IS playable. It runs fine, doesn’t crash, the UI is readable, and the whole thing plus any mods you might be looking at take up practically 0 of what precious little drive space the Deck has (this game and its sequel come in at less than 2.5gb combined). However, the controls are certainly, let’s say, interesting. You will definitely want to take some time to look at and rebind them to your liking, and even then your actions will likely be significantly more sluggish than they would be with a keyboard & mouse. Still, this issue is both very surmountable and hardly the game’s fault since the Deck literally wasn’t even an idea on paper for years after Grimrock’s 2012 release.

As for PC users, I’m pretty sure that you could make this thing run on your Dad’s Amiga from 1991 if you tried hard enough. Grimrock probably puts less strain on even the weakest of computers than opening Notepad its so tiny.

Legend of Grimrock is, from this genre noob’s standpoint, extremely accessible and very content rich for such a small game. You can save at any time, life crystals (which are an autosave, full heal, and resurrection all rolled into one) are usually easy to reach, and food and healing are common enough that, unless you’re a 14-15 year old girl with no idea what she’s doing and no concept of resource conservation (imagine that? Couldn’t be me.) you will PROBABLY never run into issues with it. Combat is the very definition of simple, but its emphasis on manoeuvring and positioning and a steady drip feed of new enemies is enough to keep it from getting boring. Also, this game is secrets galore. Quite literally secrets within secrets within secrets sometimes, which brings me to a few somewhat spoilery recommendations to help you along in your adventure. Consider it helpful advice from a now slightly more seasoned dungeoneer:

*If you intend to have a ranged rogue character in your back line, make them a Minotaur. Their accuracy penalty does not matter as ranged attacks ALWAYS hit and the damage still scales with strength, making Minotaurs actually the most optimal choice by far.

Make a save called ‘hole’, because you will be jumping into every pit you find and will want to save beforehand. Why? To find secrets of course!

Before doing anything that looks important or going to a new floor you should save. This game LOVES monster closets, often dropping combat on you with little warning up to and including teleporting enemies all around you which, if you are not ready, is DEATH.

Do not be tempted to spread your characters’ skills out too much. Investing in any more than 2 or 3 at once per party member will render them little more than a virtual meat puppet you now have to drag around and feed for the whole game.

At the same time, don’t try to hard spec into one skill. You will not get enough levels over the course of the game to do anything but get that one skill to 50 and you WILL feel the effects of that crippling overspecialisation.

Beware floors 3, 6, 9, and 10. I won’t say why, but be prepared for a hard time and don’t be too proud to look up a guide for them if you get stuck. You can figure it all out yourself, but a couple of these puzzles and encounters require some big logical reaches in my opinion and I just looked up the solutions after 10-15 minutes of frustration.

Lastly, mods. The workshop support for this game is great and you can make and upload your own dungeons, but there isn’t that much on there for this game. Despite that, there is enough good stuff on there to give you plenty to do if you’ve beaten the game, want more, but don’t want to/can’t move onto Legend of Grimrock 2 or some older games like Eye of the Beholder. I’d recommend The Mine of Malen Vael as a solid way of squeezing 2-3 hours of more playtime out of the game. You can even import your own OP endgame party from your last save with all their stats and xp, only to learn it was good equipment that carried you through the end of the main game! The adventure continues!

And so ends this review. I should really manage my time better, huh?

Legend of Grimrock was launched in 2012, published and developed by Almost Human, and is available on Windows, Linux, OS X, iOS, and the Nintendo Switch. It is also 75% off on Steam at the time of writing (05/07/2024).

Original review: