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m1ssunderstanding · 7 months ago

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Let it Be Close-watch

Paul, sweety, it's beautiful, but it's killing the vibe.

Ringo looks like a very old, very tired lab rat whose been put through the maze a few too many times

Somehow the air-brown mostly eaten apple is very appropriate.

She looks far too sweet here to ever let John down. Yoko has very kind eyes.

I love how it makes it seem like Paul and John are calling Maxwell “the corny one” but really we know from Get Back that they're talking about a particular arrangement they were trying out for Don't Let me Down.

I swear he's saying “John” there, not “Joan” and also he said “came down upon His head” so… Oh! And Max died in the end in this version? “Sure that Max was dead” Okay. So Paul kills John and then himself. Murder suicide story. Yeah, Paul, you're doing great mentally, we can all tell.

I love how George getting electrocuted was important enough to make the cut for both films. Poor baby. “If this boy dies you're gonna cop it” from the guy who was just singing about a serial killer.

They're so silly

Yoko does not agree with me

Paul: stealing your man, sweetheart. John: oh no I'm being stolen teehee!

They're so silly

Oh wait, were those bitchy looks at George??? Because there he is. Idk could easily be him or Yoko.

this poor autistic baby trying to use words (not his language) to explain music (his language)

“Good MoOornin! Wooah!” I think I just … You know how Mike said people were booing Paul in the theater watching this? Yeah it's because they were pissed he didn't step out of the screen and onto their necks.

Oh Michael put himself in his own movie too? Huh, cool.

They are always in my heart

The way Paul says “get on the mic” to John??? I would've thrown something, that was so fucking bossy! Just his tone and his face and his angry pointing fingers. So mean. And John just goes “okaaay”. Oof.

Ringo covering his eyes like a little kid watching a scary movie during the orange sweater fight. Same, babe.

Sounds like the original lyric John's going for is something long “All I want is you. Nothing else is gonna do.” But that obviously didn't fit with the tune. I wonder if there was a particular conversation with Paul being controlling that made the “everything has got to be the way you want it to” line click in.

Oh my gosh! So George is showing I Me Mine to Ringo and Paul and he says the “I don't give a fuck it can go in musical” line before he even plays it. Not after John's making fun of him like he does in Get Back. Nagra reels experts: which one is correct??

George: it's a heavy waltz. Ringo:*claps hands angrily and punches the air to a ¾ beat. I love him, he's like the core of “Beatle humor” to me.

Woah there! Okay this is the John/Yoko pda Peter Jackson cut, I see. I wonder if there's a lot more footage of them swapping spit that might make the “oh John was just so in love” theory more reasonable.

It's extremely impressive that George just wrote this whole thing last night. You know? John and Paul have brought in all fragments from what I can tell. He's the only one to come in with a basically finished product.

LMAO and we're just going to Apple now. No reason. Nothing happened. Nothing to see. Moving on.

Ringo is so so cute pretending to hide from the cameras. Really he should've been the cute one.

Is it just me or does Paul drop the sillies and get sad when he sings “always be mine” at John? It's his regular voice, too, for a minute, if I'm not mistaken.

Silly cuties. But John's grin and little sexy tongue action happens the second time Paul sings always be mine, so…

What friendly artistic collaboration looks like when it's not psychosexual

Paul: have you played the dubs? George: yeah. Terrible. Paul: Great! Ringo: terrible. John: laughs Paul: (sarcastic) oh, so dreadful. …. John: where's my guitar? Paul: (still sarcastic) well we're just the greatest band ever. Idk I just like this dialogue. It's very them, you know?

This is adorable.

But I also love how they're already communicating with eyebrows, you know? They just bonded so fast and I find that beautiful.

And then Heather ups their game from taking turns going “chchchchch” into the mic to meowing into the mic. She looks at Paul like “okay your turn” and he sets her down lol he's thinking ‘if I meow into the mic right now after John already had a sex dream last night about me, he might actually cream his pants and we can't have that on camera’

Lol Billy just magically appeared!

Paul you're literally so annoying. You started the goofing off and now you're like “alright lads, that's enough.” Mkay.

He is unbelievably sexy and talented though so you know he does have those little things going for him. Someone write me a Paul/Billy fic please!!

Kinda crazy how they all four just slide straight from “Kansas City” to “Miss Ann” to “Lawdy Miss Claudy”. Makes me think of something they might've done in Hamburg.

I'm sorry but Paul finishes “please don't excite me baby. I'm down in misery.” And John's immediate answer is, “well you can get it if you want it, and if you want it you can get it!” And Paul ends up singing “I want it I want it I want it I want it”. Nice. Very subtle, boys. And that's before John gets kinky.

I love how Heather just forces a hug from George and then immediately runs away. What a cutie.

But really. How did anyone watching this get the idea that John hated Paul? Just confirmation bias I guess?

All the cut off conversations kill me but especially the one where John's working though Paul's anxieties. They're just in the middle of it and then cut. “two of us Sunday driving…”

Someone should do a study of whistling in their songs. I feel like it's another one of their tip offs that “hey this one is about us” Anyway I love John's whistling here. He's so good at it. I can just imagine him as some farm boy picking apples, you know?

Imagine booing this poor stay puppy though, like. What? I mean, what if Johann Weiner was wrong and John wasn't crying at the sight of him and Paul playing triumphant together on the rooftop, but at Paul playing his little heart out about their doomed love. Idk it's probably both. Let's be real, John was bawling through the whole thing.

What is George laughing at? Picture quality is garbage because evil corporations don't let you take screenshots of their content, but he looks like that one kid in your elementary school class that just dumped Cheetos all over his crushes desk and thinks he's a criminal mastermind.

Also I do appreciate all the attention given in the chosen shots to the musicianship. I bet they liked that at least if they had the heart to like anything about the movie at the time.

I'm sorry but I love how in sync Mo and Paul are. With this ducking and later the shimmying. I know it's wrong to ship Ringo’s wife with one of the Beatles she didn't sleep with, but… idk I really want her to have bedded all four at one point, you know? She deserves it, being an og.

Okay but yeah I'd be having a public meltdown if I fumbled that too holy fucking shit

Ringo feeling himself as he should

George just looks like he smells nice. Unlike the others. You know?

John has such a beautiful smile. If somebody looked at me like that I'd put him up on a giant screen behind me on my world tour after he'd been dead for forty years too.

That pleeeaaaheeeaaase though. Looking at Paul. How did he survive I'll never know.

The cut from screaming Paul to grouchy nap lady is extremely painful.

John was so cool in this concert. Like the epitome of cool.

Kevin, my love, thank you for your service

I love Yoko leaning so far and craning her neck. She's like a mom at a school talent show. Like “I only came to see my baby.” Type vibe. Which is exactly what she's doing, unlike Mo, and honestly I find both of them extremely valid

You know in movies where the romantic leads are never looking at each other at the same time?

I think I watched George and John switching back on their amps like fifty times because I just love it so much. And from this angle, you can see John's saying something to Paul about it. He looks serious and he's shaking his head. I wonder what he's saying.

Mal Evans I love you forever for this. Look at his hand on the rail, just blocking them off completely, so protective.

Them turning to each other at the end always gets me. It's automatic, like second nature, and it's the last time ever. They deserved better.

Oh Darling duet in the credits are you fucking kidding me??? Was that in the original? “Believe me, when I tell you.” “Oh I do.” That's the second time that they gave away in this footage that they know they're talking to each other in their music.

Alright, that's it, I guess. And then MLH is haunted by this experience for forty years until he makes Two of Us to purge the demons.

#paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #ringo starr #george harrison #let it be

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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 2 months ago

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Aww thek passing along what he says :'((

He just wanted to be there for you man <333

I get it :'( :')

Awww yeah Owen :'o :'((

Now get him out guys <33

Ahh guys crap 😬

I do totally see what he's saying but- yeah, they would never leave someone behind :'(((

No matter how far gone they might be

Wait like him and TK and Nancy go look?

Ohhh you main you stay here

GIRL NO

Be so for real xD

Yeah exactly, they're never leaving you :'))

Yeah <33

My guys <33 🥰

Oof :((

Hopefully it doesn't somehow mention them specifically xdd that would suck for y'all lol 😬 (👀 xD)

He's like "you shouldn't be watching that" and exactlyyy honey xdd

Yeppp

Yeah, maybe some music :'))

It's not good for you honey

Yeahh exactly xd :(

Yep, the perils of dating a first responder xD

Oop the tea o.o

I mean we knew but yk telling Carlos

Carlos just casually making dinner too lol

OOP spilling even more tea!!!

Aww Carlos's reaction :))

Bro's happy but knows there's more to it lol

Yeeepp 😬

Hmm kinda seems like it

I see what you're saying but- yeeeah kind of an ultimatum xD

I really want Carlos to say something specific about how he gets it but I don't think he will

I mean yeah I totally see you Trevor, she's Melody's mom and allowed this huge move, but it's still just tough :((

Yeahh exactly that's it!! It's that you waited so long to spring it on her

I do see what you're saying but it's been serious for a while now man xdd

O o p o.o

That's the tea now ain't it?

Anyway AAHHHH she's the love of his life :'DD

Exactlyy brooo, tell her that :'))

I think she'll hear you out :'D

As long as she lives through this lol 💀

Awww y'all <3

They're a fun pair :D

Okayyy y'allll

GUYSSS

I don't like how close that is 😬

Wyatt's like "these idiots 😭😭" xD and REAL, FAIR 😭😤 XD

Ohh nooo guys

No you'll find her-

OH CRAP

Dang that poor lady o.o

Oh dang okay go off TK with the jump and slide lol

Oh NOO look at her, she looks awful D:

Run TK run TK run!!

OHHH CRAP

Y'all this is not looking good o.o

Yeah grabbing extra stuff good idea, because you're getting trapped here 😬😬

I'm trying to think of how they're possibly going to do this - in another situation I would say they send the patient off and then get distracted by something and get stuck or whatever, like go back for each other or something (just thinking of the promo not seeing the patient), but they're alone here and pretty much stuck here 😬

AGH so many problems xdd

RunnnnNNN TK

Ohh crapp

Y'ALL GO GO GO

Gooo go go go go gooo

PHEW OKAY GOOD

Yes Nancy block off those windows 😭😭😬😳

Ohhh no y'all this ain't looking good

Oh noo this poor lady :'((

Y'all i know they do miracles but. . . I don't think this one's happening :'((( I think she's going to die :'((

Hmm no I think she's trying to say something but I don't know what it could be D:

Ope, is that a "let's keep her comfortable" not super safe amount 😬

Yeeppp :(((

Just do it honey :'( <3 she's not making it through this

Ope??

See I swear she's trying to say something

Ope :o boy? Ohhh yeah the boy :O D:

No it's okay honey they got him out <333 they know about him it's alright :'))

Ohh she's asking if he is okay :'OO 🥺😭❤️

Awww yes honey, they got to him in time <33

You, yeah saved me, by warning and scaring him away :'))

Awww this poor lady

She made a dumb decision but we don't judge the people who end up in awful positions because of dumb decisions (mostly) on this show :'((( it still sucks and is awful and no one deserves that

Gosh just. . . look at how white her clothes are 😳 :( it's horrifying

Ohh gosh

Ohh nooo :'((

This poor girly D':

And there she goes 😭😭💔🥺❤️

I'm so sorry honey :'(((

Rest easy now

I'm glad Tommy's wearing gloves but I'm also glad she did that, even if it might be a little dangerous (even with gloves on) :'(( <333

That poor woman

You guys did everything you could <333 you have her some physical and emotional peace, and you let her know she wasn't forgotten <33

Imagine being in excruciating pain, lying unable to move as you're encased in chlorine fog, thinking no one's looking for you and your warning wasn't worth it, didn't do anything, everyone's hurt and dying like you anyway. That's absolutely horrifying :((

I'm glad they saved her from that date <3

Gosh guys 😭 that sucks :(( but I'm glad you're okay

Problem is now you're here 😬

OOOOPE NO NANCY CLOSE THAT DOOR

NOOOPE

I thought y'all knew you weren't getting out of there 😭 o.o

Never hurts to check I guess 😬

But in this case it might actually hurt if you hold that door open for much longer so xD CLOSE THAT DOOR

Good lol

Ahhh crap 😬😬😬

Anything else?? Like backpacks or blankets or towels or rugs or anything in the room??

:OO Ohh your jackets!!

But then you won't have anything covering you/your arms 😬😬

Okay phew they're in long sleeves at least there's that

Ahh crap guys 😬 :(

Yeah, like a tornado, get as far away from any windows and doors as possible :((

Ohh no y'allll

I mean yeah I suppose, last ditch effort, might as well 😬 could be the difference between making it and not <3

Sorry I'm just imagining a horrifying scene where they're sitting there, yellow chlorine gas is closing in, just trying to not to frantically, not to erratically, move the fan to blow it back (but not up, not around) in different areas, trying desperately to survive until the wind blows it away or help gets there

Terrifying and super sad and angsty thank you xdd :')

Gosh xD anyway

My poor babeys :(((

#9-1-1 lone star #911 lone star #oasis's 9-1-1 chatter

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matcha-bnuuy · 3 months ago

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(What’s with this player base and their interesting OCs?) …Anyway, I’m kinda fascinated by your characters, Especially Flosi and Cuuja (not many people delve into the Horo tribe for some reason). Do you have any other cannons and stories about these two?

Oh my gosh hello hi! Thank you so much for the ask, seeing this really brightened my day! nwn

I totally do have more lore I haven't posted about those two so let me enlighten you! Thank you again for your interest!

Cuuja's a Horo in his early 30s and well respected among his tribe, partaking in a common training regimen of bulking on large, caloric meals before spending much of the day on and off training by sparring with his fellow warriors and having rest periods. He specializes more in hand to hand combat which I imagine is common among a tribe of heftier Xaela as they can use their own bodyweight to get the upper hand on their opponents. Cuuja's very fond of friendly fighting as a pastime, particularly the Danshig Naadams that are held periodically (I love that that particular frontline has its own lore as a sporty lizard playtime event LOL) Even though he's a giant sweetheart in personality, he won't hold back in a fight if driven to it, out of respect for both the art and his opponent. I'm yet to do a coloured version since i'm still figuring out all the symbols, designs and what mixed colours he'd wear, but being a large fellow Cuuja doesn't wear much on his body aside his chestwrap and waistwrap, adorning himself in colourful paints, cloths and blessings, for things such as wellbeing, health, luck, etc. He also wears a big brass weight around the base of his tail which I think would add some oomph if it was swung someone's way.

(as for why more people don't delve into the Horo, I know a lot of folks struggle with drawing heavier bodytypes without practice or are put off by them, but not me, I think bellies are lovely and all bodytypes should be expressed in a character roster! nwn)

And for Flosi, his lore is quite fun, I don't have much art of him so I'll pop an in-game screenshot instead~!

To start off, this bnuu was raised by a Doman family somewhere in Doma after being separated/lost from his tribe either as a baby or toddler (just.. sometime when very small) however he wound up in that part of Othard so far from the mountains remains a mystery, but there has been some speculation of kidnapping or tribal displacement. Because of this he was brought up alongside the hyur, raen, roes and lupin as somewhat of an oddity, but not really forsaken for being different since everyone knew the story about the kindly couple who found the kit and took him in as their own. Since he grew up in Doma he also saw the place fall under the occupation of the Garleans and has a personal vendetta against them too, by this time he was grown and working and living in Kugane with whatever jobs he could get, mainly serving in teahouses and pleasure houses (by choice! not sold to them like Yotsuyu but was still popular because he was seen as exotic) with recent years and the Empire getting progressively more violent and overshadowing within that side of the East, Flosi has quietly been trying to find a way out of Othard entirely to see what it would be like to live away from a land under their heel, but getting out of the port city unnoticed has been proving a challenge and people aren't bold enough to smuggle him abroad, so he ends up finding someone willing to and winds up in Eorzea. He's skilled in knifeman-ship and opts to use daggers as his weapon of choice, and writes often to his now elderly adopted parents back in the long-occupied Doma, vowing one day to help them find a way out like they did for him. His outward demeaner is very soft and disarming, usually being able to talk himself out a bad situation, but isn't afraid to get back to his viera roots if someone decides to give him a hard time.

OOF WOW SORRY THIS GOT LONG BUT I'M SO SO HAPPY YOU ASKED ABOUT TWO OF MY MORE LESSER KNOWN CHARACTERS? It means a lot to me!! ♥ Thank you so much for your ask and time! I hope you enjoy my funny lil dudes, there's a lot of them around hehe :')

#Matcha-Bnuuy #ask #FFXIV #my characters #Cuuja Horo #Cuuja #Flosi Kisne #Flosi #officerpanda #thank you so much for the ask!!! ♥#Twozzie draws #for da Cuuja doodle in there hehe

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foxgloveinspace · 8 months ago

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this is hella random but-

if you ever want to info dump about the call of duty guys (ghost and soap i think? are those call names? soap is weird lol) please do! that ship has started popping up more and more in my feeds and now i am thoroughly intrigued. mostly because yes give me more ships with everyone suffering ptsd, but also i had no idea call of duty had any sort of plot line or recognizable characters?

i’ve played it only a handful of times and it always just seemed to me like a “create a character then join a server and shoot people” kind of game i didn’t think it had any story lol

but yeah. pls fill me in if you so desire :) i am so curious

I’m the wrong person to ask, cause I haven’t played the games yet😔🤣.

I own a couple of them, but I haven’t played yet just cause… last year I was in a weird place with video games really, is the only explanation I have. The campaigns (the plot parts) are not too long if you wanna watch them on YouTube (I also haven’t done that,,,,,, I should do that if I’m not gonna play the 2020s games, just cause I know that people where Not Happy with the last game, but I should freaking play the ogs cause they are RIGHT up my alley oof).

There’s a couple things you gotta know, if you wanna get into to it: There’s two different series of Modern Warfare, the og, which came out 07, 09, and 11. And then the remakes (which is what got the fandom So Big), which is from 2019, 22, and 23. They are, the same story told differently, and they are Very Different. The characters have very different personalities depending on the series.

(This is why I tag things as ghostsoap, or 09 soapghost so I can keep track of the different characters lol).

Ghost and Soap are their callsigns, yeah. It makes the ship names fun though! (Ghosts first name is Simon, Soap’s is John (Ghost calls him Johnny, so the fandom runs with calling him that lmao)).

Ghost wears a mask, and doesn’t have a canonical face clam! Which is really cool to me, cause we get so many different versions of Simon from the fandom🖤 and also, masked characters make brain go brrrrrr.

I am mostly in it for the fic, and there’s tones of good fanart. Not to say I don’t know anything at all, cause I have read the fandom wikis/synopsis of the games (though I’m a little rusty on my knowledge,,,, again I do want to play the games, I just.. wasn’t in a video game mood all last year). I’m just… sometimes info dumping is hard.

But yeah. The fic is freaking good. Like, I was looking for military themed romance novels the other day and I legit couldn’t bring myself to start any cause I’m worried it won’t live up to ghostsoap🤣🤣🤣.

I was gonna give some recommendations, but I uhhh…. I have realized I mostly bookmark the good smut, and only have a couple fics that aren’t smut, but they are SO ANGSTY🤣🤣🤣. And then one long fic, but it’s ghostroachsoap (roach is a player character from the first mw2).

Gosh. What can I say about ghostsoap…… they are black and red coded characters??? (Not Actually, but in the fandom way. Ghost is black, Soap is red. I don’t know if that’s even still a fandom thing lmao).

I…. I don’t know what else to say, haha.

#I love them so much it’s actually kinda hard to talk about??? like what do I say?? I love how loyal they are to each other?? I love their #banter?? I love how even the dude bros who played the game where like ‘soap wants to ride that’ like what am I supposed to say!!!????#😭🤣🤣#sorry exie I feel like I rambled about NOTHING and info dumped about the wrong things #gosh… they just…. I don’t know….#anyway… my ao3 bookmarks are public for the most part if you wanna go through and see if anything catches your eye?? I could just link to #all the ghostsoap/cod ones if you want a link to that… idk..#hihi!!!#friend exie!!

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analogwriting · 10 months ago

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NEW CHAPTER WOO!!!

The moment I woke up I immediately checked ur page.. I go to sleep every night wondering if there will be a new chapter once I wake up LMAO

I actually read it this morning but I was in a rush so I didn’t have a chance to send in a message 😔oopsies

ANYWYASSSS im glad this chapter is a lot more lighthearted than the others.. def preparing us for heartbreak 💔💔 DIVE IS SO CUTE SHHDHD 😭😭😭 im gonna miss her so much.. i feel like an older sister to her 🥺🥺

(Oda pls have mercy..)

Also KILLER???? THE HAND ON OUR THIGH UNDER THE TABLE????? the romantic tension has me SCREAMINGGGG LIKEEE 🤭🤭🤭 progress is being made guys the mutual pining has me kicking my feet and giggling fr fr i need more of those small intimate moments w killer cuz everytime it happens i go FERAL

But ofc we gotta stay in wano a bit 😔 I do hope that we get a cure for the smile fruit so we can save koko and everyone else!! They’re all too sweet and ofc killer 😭💔 but MYRA?? WHAT JS SHE DOING HERE

Honestly, I hope it won’t be for anything bad.. but please, dont leave on a cliffhanger again

-long rants anon

oh my gosh ur fine ✋✋ I literally post at 2am it's inconvenient for ALL lmfaoo

i needed to have some light hearted fun before we got into the stress (and I needed to iron out some details)

Im glad you like dive bc I love feral little goblin girl. she screams little sister vibes just like kid screams little brother vibes. two shitheads that I love dearly. (okay I love everyone on the crew let's be real)

😏😏 gotta get some mutual pining in before shit definitely doesn't hit the fan

oof, no cliffhangers? not even one more? as a treat 🥺🫢🤫

#oof anon you finna hate me for what i got planned frfr #im going to apologize in advance to killer and kid and everyone else who has to witness what im writing #am answers

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ikemenomegas · 2 years ago

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I love love the character of the alpha in jjk. their relationship with gojo is super complex and the alpha's character itself is super complicated itself and thats why i love them sm. you mentioned before that they keep their silence when things get bad and i got reminded of my own experiences as the youngest child in a family where i had to shut up about my own sufferings just to keep the peace in the family and sooner or later, the person will blow up and thats what makes this character so interesting because you see how theyre keeping themselves together but we can also read their thoughts and we know that they are not okay and you're just waiting for the moment they'd go apeshit. And i also like how their relationship with gojo is the way it is because they both are shamans before they are two human beings deeply in love.

ANYWAYS BACK TO BEING IGNORANT OF CANON

Nobara sending a message to gojo asking why tf didnt he turn up for class to which gojo replies with a picture of of himself and his alpha beside him in disneyland wearing mickey mouse merch and telling her he's on a busy and dangerous mission

the alpha and nanami talking and purposely ignoring gojo annoying them

Thank you anon! It's been super fun putting together a layered character who suits this world but also a lot of work haha.

Oof, I'm the eldest daughter (and eldest child) in my family and I think this is something the eldest and the youngest often shake hands on, is that you frequently have to put aside your own suffering in order to be responsible or keep the peace. And this emotional pressure cooker eventually does blow up, but because it's everything, and when it goes on long enough there's nowhere to aim those feelings, it means that complicated feelings go everywhere, there's no single person or situation at fault so it feels like it's everything going wrong. One thing that's also a curse of the youngest is probably seeing every interaction between the rest of your family, on top of how the you are feeling, and being incredibly disturbed by how those interactions play out and are affected by personal bias and selfishness.

I think we forget a lot that even though there's only two kids, Megumi is the youngest and part of his "I only want to be responsible for my people, not the rest of the world" comes from that place of seeing how everyone around him takes on so much responsibility and justification it makes them crazy and his resentment at the world for doing that to them.

But yes!! Back to the fun happy times hahaha:

Oh my gosh, can you imagine how many curses there would be in a place like theme park where emotions and desires and disappointments are running high??? There probably are curses lurking around and they are at work but the "busy and dangerous" part is Gojo trying to get alpha to go on all of the roller-coasters together.

If Nobara complains loud and long enough, the whole first year class might "end up with" a surprise extra day off and oh look, Megumi just happens to have a set of tickets lol. Satoru is a troll, but even he would agree with getting the kids out to a theme park at some point - however the tickets aren't from him, the tickets are alpha who felt bad that Satoru was making fun of her all the time XD. Except Satoru makes them clean up some curses while they're in the area so it's not much of a vacation...

Alpha and Nanami, their cute kouhai, trying to read a map or something while Satoru has shown up to check on them and make a ruckus is killing me haha. Eventually Nanami's hinting "please deal with that" glances get to be too much and you have to buy Satoru a snack to shut him up for a minute and remind him he's cared for.

#gojo satoru #fushiguro megumi #nanami kento #gojo satoru x reader #omegaverse #jjk #io.myy #ask answered

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browngonzo888 · 1 year ago

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Small rant about fandom

So seeing a lot of “I miss my quiet fandom” from the Spiderman 2099 fans. Like yeah I geddit, got a lot of Gen A kids with their TikTok’s and their annoying Ciara track edits an such with a version of Miguel they don’t recognize. And also arguments about race and skintone.

think that’s bad?

Mortal Kombat fandom…. FULL of racism. Sexism. Homophobia. Transphobia. Deathwishes. Netherrealm Studios retconning the characters to hell because they handed the script to a guy who’s NEVER had any experience with video games (when it comes to ick, P Daniels got nothing on Dominic Cianciolo) Redesigns not able to decide who they wanna pander to. A lot of this crap because they were trying to stay relevant to an old crowd from the 90s as well as cater to a newer crowd, but there was a severe clash because the old crowd knew a simpler arcade game while the newer fans wanted FGC level BS. MK11 was the biggest fandom nightmare. Seriously atsv is MILD, and seems to try to go in the right direction by being rich with additional culturally specific art and design. MK did something like that but then also did some weird crap with it and not everyone was happy and I still haven’t exactly pinpointed just what that was! They literally changed up a skin because it was Confederate-inspired.

A mess! I got into the shittiest arguments. Never wanna go back to that ever again as long as a live, no matter how good or ambivalent my intentions are.

So I kinda left it alone

Anyway. Before atsv I went back to Psychonauts. Played it as a teen, then part 2 came out in my 30s. Of course they did small things that catered to new players. Some of the stuff the newer fans do are not always easy to relate to or understand (like the Miguel tiktok edits), but I really don’t mind it at all. I reached out to them in my own way by liking and reblogging their work and they checked me back in kind and some I chat with on a regular basis. What I’m tryna say here is that there’s always gonna be old fans and new fans. Depending on the way creators handle their audience can heavily effect the way their fandom gets along. NRS dropped the molten hot ball by being a hostile network that occasionally even fought with their own fans. Doublefine Studios is hella-casual and their fandom turned out that way too.

In real time I’m sorta watching where Sony is going with this fandom. They seem to be diverse-conscious yet also trying to ignore Miguel’s origin comic shamefully? Idk i think it fits him anyway, no matter what he looks like. Oof and I’ve seen the whole “why he white” rhetoric in Miguel fanart over at Pinterest and gosh I don’t know if I can spare to care anymore because you couldn’t swing a controller without running into that with MK art, when clearly a LOAD of their characters were default Caucasian-looking in the 90s. It’s a reoccurring design that has plenty of room to make changes with imo, but it’s tiresome to gatekeep.

I think if people are just a bit patient with the newer fans and not start a war, things will be fine and the Spiderman 2099 fandom will go back to being peaceful. I’m a newer fan. I don’t like the weird edits. I purchased the first two issues of the 90s comic to fully understand Miguel’s origin, the very comic with the cover that atsv used in his intro. It’s nice to collect something else other than DC Lobo. I think if you feel creeped out, pressured, or even downright angry at new fans, just ignore them. Ignore me. It’s possible to curate your own experience online. Except Twitter. Fuck that place in the A, I hate it. I’d join a hateocracy against the destruction of Twitter if I could. And if you a new fan, idk just have fun and don’t be mean to the old fans because they the reason 2099 came back around despite his story getting shelved several times.

Anyway, ramble over. I wanted to get a lot of that off my mind.

#psychonauts #spiderman 2099 #NRS #mortal kombat #fandom #in fighting #racism #transphobia #homophobia #sexism

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teecupangel · 2 years ago

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Oh my gosh!!!!!! I didn’t know you had personal beef with chocorooms 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 that’s amazing tho. I think the bamboo ones would be good too (*), and the chocorooms satisfy an old ‘I want to eat the mushrooms from Star Fox Adventures’ urge, lol, but I think the hello pandas are my favorite of the two. But I do like them both better then pocky. Pocky chocolate is too dark for me, I am a milk chocolate only kinda boi, or like…. Light dark chocolate, lol.

Hmmmm, random headcanons time:

I think Desmond would like Reese’s best maybe. But I think he would like most sweets, cause that was probably something he didn’t get a lot of as a kid. Very much so one of those thing he splurges on and tries everything new he sees.

And Altaïr would like… Snickers Bars, but I think he would be weird and put salt on them to be edgy. (I mean it’s probably good but he looks like a dummy, and Malik doesn’t let him live it down.) or like, salted caramel chocolate bars.

And Ezio would like… chocolate covered strawberries (or maybe those Brookside chocolate covered Açaí & Blueberry’s)

And Conner would like… for some reason I think he would those Big Reese’s with the pretzels in them…(Ok wait…. Wait, so like, your Project Eurydice Conner, bb Conner with one… maybe this is what I was thinking of the whole time, it’s probably way too big for him cause like they only come in king size, and those suckers are huge even for me!) But I also think maybe just a plain chocolate bar, but like fancy chocolate. Like, not just a plain old Hershey’s you know?

(*this got too long to put in the middle of that paragraph, oof:

I live in the Midwest of the US, so it’s hard to get anything here, all Japanese candies and snacks are usually in specialty stores that are expensive or like you have to order them, the chocorooms are available in most places tho so thats what I got🤪 even like… manga and stuff is only just catching up to the popularity it’s received in the rest of the country these last couple years, which is nice cause I’ve read manga since I was a teen, but like it should have been way sooner. I feel like I’m all over the place, but have you read any of the AC manga or comics?? I see them when I go to B&N now and I’m slightly tempted to pick up a volume but I’m not sure… also like, I am running low on book space lmao.) I shrunk these notes so hopefully it doesn’t make the ask too long, sorry if it’s weird lol.

(I wrote this ask… for SO long…. snacks are a serious subject. How did my chocolate ask get so long🙃)

AC Chocolate Headcanons!

I agree that Desmond would like most sweets and would be open to eating any and every sweet he sees. Honestly, I see Desmond preferring something with a burst of flavor and texture like Reese, like you said. I also like to think he likes packs with a variety of flavors like Skittles or Nerds (the duo pack or the rainbow ones)

Altaïr feels like someone who prefers something less sweet and more... not dark, just less sweet? Like Dairy Milk Salted Caramel maybe? Or something like Kitkat or Mars or Snickers. Something that is less chocolate and more chocolate-coated wafer.

Ezio would enjoy giving people those chocolates that has booze in them, just for fun. He'll try any chocolate and he says he doesn't have a favorite but his favorite would be something he can share with people like Toblerone or Pocky because he grew up with siblings and it's better to share snacks than try to eat everything before they get it. (He definitely tries to make people do the Pocky game with him because he thinks it'll be fun and he likes seeing people's reactions)

Connor's favorite chocolate is the chocolate cupcake his mom makes sometimes. When they want to be fancy, they put a small pretzel on the icing with crushed pretzels too. In general, I can see him liking chocolate with nuts in it?

============ AC Manga/Comics ============

I actually only have one AC comics at the moment. With all the AC merchs available, I had to prioritize because... money is finite. Anyway, I prioritized on any and all artbooks + cheap 2nd hand guides for the Desmond Saga 'cause I like artbooks.

BUT I do have the Reflections comics and I think it's nice. There are different versions, but this one (Amazon link) have all four volumes. It's like a mini-story with each volume focus on a different ancestor:

Ezio's volume is about how he knew the model for Mona Lisa

Altaïr's volume is how Darim assassinated Genghis Khan together with the Mongolian Brotherhood

Connor's volume is about his daughter who is so precious

and Edward's volume is about his ship getting boarded while he was underwater

Personally, I think it's worth it if you like any of the ancestors.

I personally like Connor's volume because, again, his daughter is adorable af and she can connect to her eagle like the protagonists of Layla's Trilogy.

I do love Altaïr's volume because I'm a sucker for the Ibn-La'Ahad boys and look at how cool Darim is:

The manga I only know of is mainly the Shao Jun mangas? I don't have that though so I can't know how canonically it is. The other comics usually focus on non-AC game protagonist characters and I can't say anything about them because I haven't read them. One of them does include how Juno dies though XD

============ Personal Choco Preferences ============

It's not a personal beef. I like chocorooms too. I just believe in chocoboos/chocoshoots supremacy. XD

Oh yes. Hello Pandas are the best. The way you bite into it and all the flavor just bursts into your mouth. That's waaayyy better. (disclaimer: I do prefer milk or strawberry flavor)

I prefer strawberry pocky XD. To be fair, I like strawberries in general so I tend to pick strawberry flavored snacks when they're available.

#ask and answer #snacks are serious subject!#also AC merchs are serious subject because not all AC merchs are good #(stares at the AC cookbook I bought)#yeah #assassin's creed #headcanon: assassin's creed #desmond miles #altaïr ibn la'ahad #ezio auditore #connor kenway #ratonhnhaké:ton #edward kenway

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sakarrie-creates · 2 years ago

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2022 Fic Round-Up/Reflection

Am I over a month late? Yes. Is that going to stop me? Nnnnnnope.

Another year gone and another end of year summary! Yeash, it’s been a rough creative year haha. I’ve practically done nothing but school and work, which has certainly been problematic for writing. It’s been a productive adulting year though, so hopefully this dead period will help me find more opportunities down the line. My gosh I’m ready to be done with school already.

Since I’ve really not written much this year, this will be an abridged version of my reflection from last year’s template. That being said, I’m still very rambly so you can see the details below the cut!

2022 Stats:

Fics Started: 11 Fics Fully Written: 3 Fics Posted: 2 New WIPs: 7 Total WIPs: 20 (ish?) Words Written: 25,950 (33,176 if including documents of pure brainstorm ramble lol) Words Posted: 9,541 Fandoms Written For: 2 Events: 2 (+1)

Posted Fics

Carmen Sandiego (Gen): 1

So Long As You're With Me (7,804): It's been several months since Team Red rescued Player from the clutches of VILE and snapped him out of their control... mostly. His base personality is back, but he still doesn't remember them from anything other than the false memories VILE created for him. And it's just their luck that VILE painted Carmen and company in such a way that Player thinks that their attempts to help him is all some elaborate form for torture, and it doesn't help that he's currently recovering from an injury she caused. Carmen is near her wit's end, but she refuses to give up on her oldest and best friend.

Supernatural (Gen): 1

Still the Same (1,737): After a hunt, Sam and Dean watch the stars for the first time since Dean came back from Hell. Things are finally starting to fall back into place between them, but it's impossible to ignore the ways things have changed.

Specifics:

Events Participated In:

SPN Summergen, Player Appreciation Week (Fic and Art), Code Secret Santa (Art), Miraculous Magic Zine (Revamp Fic), and Fandom Trumps Hate (Offered Art/Fic).

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

Oof, hard to answer. Definitely less than I’d hoped and maybe still a fair bit less than I expected, but I did know that my life was about to get swallowed by school and I wasn’t wrong. I definitely wish I had been able to participate in more events for sure and I’ve had a lot of inspiration for all sorts of stuff that I just haven’t had the brain power for unfortunately. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, looking at posting, I only have two options lol. In general though, I stuck fairly close to my norm for all that. I poked around time travel AUs which was fun but most of that was brainstorming/animatic storyboarding rather than writing.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Definitely So Long As You're With Me! That AU lives in my head rent free and boy howdy I’d love to share it all one day but there’s just so much to it. I swear, the pieces I have shared are hardly recognisable as the same story haha. Anyway, it’s definitely a little rushed at some points, but it was a very crammed piece that just kept getting longer, so I’ll take it!

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Since I’ve only posted two new works this year, we’re going to go overall. Which would definitely still be Fragmentation. It’s got 20.3k views!! That’s only 400 less than it’s total word count and it seems like the hit count keeps going up slowly, which is wild to consider it’s on FF.net in a faded fandom and has been complete for like a year. Next up would be The Problem With Good Intentions at 11k, which also blows me away a bit cause Merlin ended a decade ago but I’m proud of the fandom for staying alive! XD

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

Probably still A Letter to Never Be Read on FF.net. It’s a pretty niche fic, so I can’t really be surprised but I felt artsy writing it way back when lol.

Most overdue story?

Welp, It’s Only Natural is certainly overdue, but I don’t think anyone is really following that one so it’s not in a rush. A Long Ways Home on the other hand drives me crazy cause I’ve actually been wanting to write for it, but brainpower’s been too low from school. Can’t believe it’s been a year. :’(

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Tbh, not really? I pushed myself in what I did, but it was all relatively in my comfort zone. I guess I tried writing in S4 of Supernatural in Still the Same, but that doesn’t feel much like a risk. I also tried out some writing from screenshot prompts which was super fun and interesting, but unfortunately that was sniped by lack of time/energy too. So I guess not really this year.

How’d this year compare to your goals of last year?

Oh boy, I’m so intimidated to read these paragraphs haha. I bet I did like none of them. We’ll start with the bullet list though since that should be fairly straightforward. -Unfortunately, prioritizing school is honestly my biggest writing goal this year. So if I do that all successfully and get through any more than like, 1-2 of these, it will be a success haha.

-A Long Ways Home (Gonna break it up into Chapter 3, Chapter 4, and if that’s not the epilogue, then an epilogue. I’m determined and really think it’s doable, I just need to be careful not to overestimate again) WIP Bang if not done by Summer. -SPN Summergen -PAB if enough interest -February week event -Loyalties AU Plotting/Drafting -SQZ Zines -Comments

If crazy inspired year: -Gencest Bang -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Other Zines

Okay, so some of those crossings are a little generous, but I wanted to at least check off the school one haha. Tbh, though, it wasn’t as bad as I expected! I did a decent job of having low expectations lol.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Oh boy. See I wish that this last year being so sad would mean this year would be back to creative rush, but I’m already a month in and I haven’t even tried writing anything other than school papers. I’ve been getting surprisingly into Huntlow (omg, Sakarrie having a romantic ship that she’s like legit into????? whacK), so it’d be fun to experiment with some fic there! Willow needs more angst fic to balance out our traumatized golden boi. Trying to find some zines would also be fun! And I’ll be sad if I ever have to miss Summergen cause it’s 100% my favorite event of the year. Oh, and of course I’m hoping to be able to participate more in Player Appreciation Week this coming month!! Shameless plug.

I’d also like to make some progress on A Long Ways Home, so hopefully in my Summer break I’ll finally have a chance to sit down and write. I’m not going to be dumb enough to put time frame estimations on it again though haha. I also am not a huge fan of having WIPs just sitting out there so if I could knock off It’s Only Natural sometime, that’d be great, but it’s honestly not a priority and I haven’t been feeling Voltron for a bit.

As for other plans, Loyalties AU and EverYOnE is bROkeN AU both haunt me at night and then there’s the time travel au that just has my brain zooming whenever I think about it. They just all get so intense and I WANT to share that intensity cause I know they could be epic, but first I gotta finalize the details, then I gotta have the skills to pull it off, then I gotta actually write sooooooooooooo we’ll see where those get me.

Okay so comments. Bah that project is such a mindset monster haha. I want to be supportive and express thanks to those who write and comment, but also the more pressure I put on it, the harder it gets. I feel like it makes reading new fics very intimidating and makes leaving chill comments harder. I think it would be nice to get through, but I think my goal for this year is to let my 1000 tabs go and just comment/respond in the moment whenever I can and not overthink it. I do want to catch up on replies though so that can be my comment goal for this year. In terms of my numbers, though, I did meet my generous goal of 20k written and 10k posted this year! (Rounding a little but close enough.) And I met my ultimate wc goal if brainstorming essays count!

Bullet list time!

2023:

-Unfortunately, keeping my scholarship has to be my biggest goal this year again so gonna put that here in case it's the only thing I can check off come December. -A Long Ways Home (at least 1 new chapter) -SPN Summergen -At least 3/7 Player Appreciation Week days -Catch up on comment replies -At least do some more brainstorming for bigger CS aus -Huntlow/Owl House fics? -One zine?

If crazy inspired year: -All of A Long Ways Home -All Player Appreciation Week Days -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Write out more big AU scenes -Other Zines

So with that, I’m gonna set my word count bar pretty low again haha. In fact, I think I’ll just leave it as it was last year.

Easy Goal Word Count Goal: 20k (at least 10k posted)

Stretch Goal (aka, if I don’t die from school): 40k (at least 25k posted)

Ultimate 2023 Word Count Goal: 30k

#sakarrie's fic #carmen sandiego #supernatural #gen #ao3 #fic list #2022 fics #end of year reflection #2022 fic roundup

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ggthydrangea · 2 years ago

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i looove kbands!! i also like day6, and the rose has some good music too (i liked their recent album a lot). i'm actually seeing n.flying in concert in jan so now i need to learn their names before then haha though they only have 5 members i think (lol the way i think anything less than 8 or 9 members is "not that much" anymore 😂)

i had the same issue with hxh, though it was really good when i finally got around to watching it! i prefer the shorter shows (which is kinda why i like kdramas now, cuz they usually end around 16 episodes as opposed to american shows where they sometimes go on for years and years lol), sometimes it just feels overwhelming to have so many episodes to watch all at once. and i loved fullmetal alchemist brotherhood!! it made me cry haha

sorry that chan question i asked last time is a big one to answer hahaha 😆 instead, here is a video made for me and you LOL (alright mainly me, but chan looks SO GOOD in that outfit phew)

and some random questions...1) what are your 3 favorite colors if you had to choose, and 2) what are 3 things you're looking forward to in the next week? :D hope your day/night is going well <3

Kbands are so fun!!! I listen to a little bit of a lot of them, Day6 is definitely up there for me, as is the The Rose though I'm behind on their music, and N.flying is very fun! My favorite kband right now is Xdinary Heroes, they're so good!!! Haha I feel that... To me 5 members isn't bad at all, it's a pretty easy number. That's really cool that you get to see them live!!! I hope you have a great time!

Yeah I feel that, sometimes even if it's really good, a really long show can be a lot! FMA is so good but also so dark. I really appreciate the balance, but getting through the beginning is hard when it's so sad! 😭

No it's okay! It's a good question, things just got a little crazy for me so I didn't quite have it in me, but I can definitely make a list of some of my favorites!!! Haha yes their Waiting for Us outfits were so nice, I'm such a sucker for a button up shirt. 😔

I'm putting the rest under a read more so this doesn't get too long!

Okay here are some moments in no particular order:

This whole vlive is so funny!!!

Chan singing Bubblegum K.K. 🥺

This dance cover??? Hello???

This song is so pretty I love his voice!!!

This is so funny!!!

Puppy interview!!!!!!!!!!!

His trip back to Australia, I got so emotional seeing him back there, it was everything! 😭

Any time he smiles, I love his smile so much it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!

Ooo I really like blues, navy blue and sky blue especially! I also like a nice soft purple, and a gentle green can be nice! But blue is my top favorite. 💙 Next week...? Haha welllllllll. Oof that's kind of a hard one. I work the 13th through the 24th with no days off so uh. Yeah. But it is nice that Christmas is getting closer, I'll get to see family! I'm also taking myself out for boba at some point next week so that will be nice! How about you? And I hope your day/night is going well as well!

Too many vlive clips to list them all but I love his dad jokes and cute moments! Also when he makes references to stuff that I grew up with (like Sesame Street or The Wiggles I get very mushy 🥺, I'm a nostalgia sap)

The way Chan growls his lines in Charmer live feels like a personal attack to me

Everything about KCON LA 22... His looks (all of them!!!), being a cute MC, the way he performed, of my gosh that KCON will live rent free in my head forever

The rest of these are fancams

Vampire Thunderous - I'm generally neutral on vampires but he looks so good oh my goodness he looks so good... And the way he keeps smiling is so cute. 🥺

Maniac - I just think this is a really nice look for him, and I like how he sounds a little more growly in this performance (I may perhaps have a weakness for the way he's growlier performing live...)

All In 1 - I like this look on him a lot 👉👈

All In 2 - another fun outfit

#ask #anonymous #🐺 anon #stayblrsecretsanta22

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almostfoxglove · 5 months ago

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oh NO this RUINED ME. So heartfelt and devastating, thank you so much for sharing this, it had me TEARY 😢

“Ya didn’t listen to a single word I just said, right Sweetcheeks?”

🫠 <--- my dumbass thinkin' all was right in the world, melting to Joel sweet talking.

“So, whatcha thinkin bout inside of that pretty little of yours, instead of listening to me?”

🫠 this would also be me, too busy staring at the puppy dog eyes to listen to whatever he's saying 🫠

Staring at the completed grave was just as daunting. [...] All that’s left is this hole in the earth and a stone on top with his name.

HERE WAS THE TEAR JERKER. my GOSH, the way I was not prepared for this to come out and punch me in the gut!!! so heartbreaking and such a painful image, the reader's grief in this whole section was so vivid in the voice. this absolutely ruined me.

So if he died then why not Joel too.

😢 this KILLED me oh my god. what a huge weight to carry around, this fear that Joel will be ripped away from them too 😢 I just felt this right in my stomach it felt so real!! and awful!! I wanted to give poor reader the biggest hug 😢

this sucker-punched me in the best way, starting off so fun and flirty and then OOF to be hit with such a wave of grief and longing was so gut wrenching. thank you so so much for sharing this for the challenge, it got me blubbering ❤️‍🩹

Bigger than the whole sky 🌌

Dbf!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: You meet Joel and well of course you fall for each other. It’s a bit bumpy since he’s your Dads best friend. But things seem to work out until they don’t anymore. One event changes everything.

Rating: 18+ mature content mdni!!!!

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: no use of y/n, pov switches that might be confusing, female reader, reader has hair, reader wears makeup, reader can get pale, weight loss, implied childhood abuse, trauma, angst, heavy angst(?), implied smut, funerals, coffins, reader has no name only a bunch of nicknames, size difference, dbf!Joel Miller, mentions of throwing up, loss of a loved one, grief, depression (?), food and eating issues are mentioned, talks of having a baby, Blood, dark thoughts, intrusive thoughts, age gap, readers age is not exactly mentioned but Joel is 44, talks of getting married….

If I missed anything please let me know 🙏🏻

Authors note: this is for @almostfoxglove ‘s Angst Writing Challenge. Shoutout to her she created the moodboard, it’s sooooo beautiful. 🫶🏻

Shoutout to @thecutestgrotto and @cafekitsune for the dividers 💙

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so if you come across mistakes it might be due to that. This is also only my second time posting writing for a specific character. I’m totally here for constructive criticism or feedback on how to improve. In general I appreciate comments, likes and reblogs greatly. This not beta read btw only by my eyes and they hurt after starring at the screen for so long 🌌🫶🏻

And lastly I’ll leave some songs i listened to while writing <3

loml by Taylor Swift

Black Friday by Tom Odell

This is what the drugs are for by Gracie Abrams

I guess by Mitski

Present by Lloyd Vaan

Je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Watson

Home by Daughter

Allowed to be Happy by Gustavo Santaolalla

Song on the Beach by Arcade Fire, Owen Pallet

aisatsana [102] by Aphex Twin

Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens

Francis Forever by Mitski

A House In Nebraska by Ethel Cain

Medicine by Daughter

Youth by Daughter

I can barely say his name by Patrick Jonsson

listen before I go by Billie Eilish

You remember exactly how you met Joel Miller, it was so simple. He was the one to give your Dad a job at the construction company he led together with his younger brother Tommy. In the beginning you only heard how great of a boss he supposedly was through your Dads stories.

Joel and him seemed to have grown into real good friends in the span of mere weeks. You always had wondered what the man from his stories was like in person, up close.

When you had to drive to the construction site to bring your Dad his lunch he had forgotten due to being a bit busy that morning. It seemed like your wishes to meet Joel would become reality. You didn’t think the big boss would spend his precious time with the actual building process but as you'd figure out in the future, Joel is a hands on kinda guy.

You must’ve looked super out of place and quite lost when he approached you. His Texas drawl still echoed through your head hours later. „Well Hello Darlin, lookin for someone?“ and if that alone didn’t completely blew you away, then certainly his stunning looks. When you turned towards the voice a tall, broad and awfully handsome man looked back at you.

After an awkward beat of silence he stretched his hand out towards you “Apologies sweetheart, should’a start with the name, huh?” Tilting his head slightly “Name’s Joel, Joel Miller.” At that you let your hand slip onto his outstretched one. His hand was so huge, warm and calloused. Shaking his hand kinda calmed you down Joel Miller was absolutely lovely. “Nice to finally meet the famous Joel Miller that my Dad keeps yapping about nonstop.” You giggled while cheekily winking at him.

That must’ve been a key moment for everything that was to follow. You’d see Joel again and again. Whether due to your Dad inviting the single, 44 year old Man over or due to you having to deliver your Dad’s forgotten food.

The tension was slowly building higher and higher between you two until one day in Joel’s office you could no longer hold back.

Joel stood in his office with you by his side, in front of a pinboard containing all sorts of information about his newest project. He was animatedly explaining processes you’d never understand in a million years. You actually kind of tuned him out and just enjoyed being unbelievably close to him.

Then his face kinda looked confused. Oh no he must’ve asked you a question. Shaking your head you say “Mhhh sorry, what did you just ask?” Joel tilts his head towards you the way he always does and then states “Ya didn’t listen to a single word I just said, right Sweetcheeks?”

He always comes up with the most ridiculous nicknames that cause a vicious pull in your lower stomach. You lost count of how many conversations with him ended in drenched panties.

“I….i -of course I was listening to you, why wouldn’t I?” You stammered a bit offensively, surely he’d see right through you.

“Hm kay, so what was I talkin bout, gorgeous?” He’s teasing at this point.

“Ok I wasn’t listening but that is a lot I don’t get anyway so can you really blame me, Miller?” You fired back.

“So, whatcha thinkin bout inside of that pretty little of yours, instead of listening to me?” You just scoff at him “Let’s not pretend you don’t know exactly what I was thinking about Joel.” Pointing one accusing finger at his broad chest. At that motion Joel enveloped your wrist in one of his massive hands, pulling you closer that way. Until you were right in front of him, only a tiny space left between your faces. “Why don’t ya tell me whatcha thinkin about Baby?”

He must know, just by seeing how your eyes keep slipping down to glance at his pillowy lips, what is going through your head. You’ve been dancing around this topic, the tension, the pull towards each other, how forbidden it is for all of this to happen. Joel is your Dads Best friend and he’s twice as old as you are but you know that if you don’t kiss him right now you’ll go insane. It’s all you think about, kissing him and then some more.

For the first time in years you actually consider letting someone get so close again. Joel would never hurt you like the ones before him did, no, he’s mature and wouldn’t play any of those stupid games. You know how kind, considerate, protective and caring he is for the ones he loves. Sure it won’t be easy to explain any of this to your Dad but you can’t think about that right now, no, you have to kiss Joel, it’s the last thought before leaning up to push your lips against his.

One chaste kiss that erupted into a full blown make out session that only got interrupted by some frantic knocks at Joel’s Office door.

From that day on those meetings became a routine, in his office, his truck, his house or sometimes he’d take you out of town for a super secret Date. The thrill of hiding with the possibility of getting caught soon turned into shame for lying to your Dad so much. You wanted to tell him even though it scared you more than anything how he might react.

Surprisingly though he didn’t completely freak out, of course he was shocked and confused how this combination came to be. More than anything he took the lying personally and made clear that as long as you are happy, so is he. If Joel was the one then so be it, besides your Dad has a lot of respect for Joel and knows you're in good hands.

After 3 months of being an official couple Joel asked if you’d be happy to move in with him. You had to think about it for a long time, feeling quite guilty about leaving your Dad behind but he reassured you that he would be fine on his own. He told you that a grown woman like you shouldn’t have to live with her boring old man anymore than you already did.

So you moved into Joel’s house. And what followed were months filled with wonderful memories. Many barbecues were held, your Dad and Joel always standing at the grill together, each nursing on their beer bottles.

Whenever you wanted to try a new recipe your Dad was invited over so you could make sure he still ate enough, the night always ending with you sending him home with a bunch of Tupperware's filled to the brim with deliciously homemade meals.

When you wanted to paint the walls in the living room a new shade your Dad came over to help.

Making sure his baby girl is happy and content was your Dads number one priority.

Then one day you went over to his house to catch up a little bit, just you two having some Dad and Daughter one on one quality time.

He was so excited when you told him that Joel and you want to have a baby.

He told you what a great mother you’d make because of how wonderful you always have been with kids and how much you always wanted to have kids of your own.

To others it might’ve been weird to share such an information with their Dad but you have such a close bond that it’s not weird at all.

You were so happy on the drive home cuz you know what great grandpa he’d make.

It must've been exactly one week later when you woke up with an indescribable feeling in your chest. As if the world spun a little slower, or the air felt more compromising…whatever it was you couldn’t stop feeling like something had happened.

Your intuition only perked up more when your Dad didn’t show up for the usual Sunday’s breakfast you recently started doing.

After 8 calls that nobody picked up you told Joel you would drive over there and as if he knew that you would need him for whatever was awaiting you there, he came with you.

The closer you got to the house the worse you felt. Hands sweaty, heartbeat racing and your stomach felt like turning over at the sight of the house. Usually he would be up by now playing his obnoxiously loud music that you’d hear on the street through the open kitchen window. Instead it was eerily quiet.

When Joel had parked the car he told you to wait for him but you couldn't. You just ran up the steps, unlocked the door with your spare key and bolted through the house as if on instinct you skipped up the steps to his bedroom. You flung the door open and there he was. Just laying on his designated side with his glasses still on and one hand on his chest across his heart. He looked like he was just sleeping but deep down you knew he was not. You can’t remember a lot, only that you immediately bolted towards the bathroom to empty your stomach out, Joel came up too and tried comforting you through the heaving. Then he tried to get you away from the scene. Joel took care of everything while you just locked up inside of yourself. No tears, no screams, no words, not a singular reaction just nothing. Joel had never seen you look so…empty.

Later on the authorities would say it’s just natural cause, he simply passed in his sleep, nothing dramatic. Not the kind of closure you would have wanted. It didn’t matter how “normal” it was, your world stopped spinning entirely. Everyone seemed to go one but you just stopped.

Suddenly without any foreshadowing everything was completely flipped on its head. You loved him so much, he was your best friend. He told you all the time how much he loved you even with all your struggles. You’d never have to prove your worth to him; he'd love you no matter what. In his eyes you were a gift, opposite to your mother that looked at you as a burden. You never felt loved by her. She took away your precious childhood and forced you to grow up quickly. So you could take care of her. Even when you told her how close to the edge you were she always made everything about herself. Out of your parents the one person that actually wanted you, died and with him so did your willingness to continue with the fight against all your inner demons.

You lost yourself after that. For weeks you just slept, barely moving, only getting up to use the toilet and perhaps eat something small and drink a bit. Joel had to shower you, otherwise you wouldn’t have done it yourself. Who you were before losing your Dad was gone, as if you died with him.

Joel tried everything in his power to make you feel better. One time he wanted to paint with you since you loved to do that, but the moment your eyes caught sight of the little paint pots you ran for the toilet to empty out your stomach. Later on he realized his mistake, you used to paint with your Dad a lot all the way back in your childhood so of course that would not make you feel better. Then he tried playing music for you either your favorite songs from your playlist or on his guitar. Nothing, you just continued to be completely catatonic.

Then the funereal came, a day Joel dreaded he was not sure you’d be able to handle it. In the morning he made your hair and applied a bit of makeup, he watched you do your little routine often enough to know what he was doing. Afterwards he dressed you in a simple black dress and equally black flats. Walking only worked since Joel kept you upright.

Sitting in the front row bench at the chapel you looked like a ghost. Pale and sunken in. You were asked to do a speech about your Dad but that would’ve been impossible. So Joel went up to do it instead. You just stared straight ahead at the coffin, not sparing a glance towards Joel.

And once everything was over, the people, mostly his colleagues, paid him their respects. When everyone was gone you stayed and just laid your head on the coffin silently sobbing, which was the most emotion Joel had seen in weeks from you. Only he was to witness this vulnerability.

Staring at the completed grave was just as daunting. His name is written in cold stone. All that’s left is this hole in the earth and a stone on top with his name.

You walked away without sparring another glance toward the grave.

Then it seemed like you were getting better. You spoke more, ate more and slept less. You even searched out body contact with Joel, though it was just some cuddling and gentle kissing. But he took it as a step in the right direction.

You almost fully returned to your old self but Joel could have not predicted how wrong he would be.

He should’ve listened to his gut that told him something was off when you didn’t kiss him goodbye before he left for work that morning.

You know how hard it will be but there’s no other choice. You have to get away, you have to leave so he can find someone better, someone who deserves a man like Joel Miller, someone less troubled, someone normal.

Those fears you have now, always were inside of you but with your Dad passing they just all came to the surface. Grief killed you, it took everything, it’s as if you're in a room with a beautiful glowing bulb and some dark entity just rips it away. You're left in the dark and not even Joel’s light can’t make it better.

You lost something nothing can replace.

All your life you feared what would happen if you’d lose someone like this without any way of getting closure, he died without any warning just poof and gone he was.

Your final goodbye was never said.

Now you can’t remember how he used to be, you only remember him laying in his bed without moving a damn muscle,dead. You were the one to find him and even though it was not some unsettling scene it’s not leaving your head. You try hard to remember how he spoke that sarcastic tone he usually used.

You can’t remember his face anymore, not even looking at pictures brings him back and at the same time he’s all you think about as if he’s haunting you. You hate him for leaving you so early. Why him? What kind of curse was laid upon you that everything always seems to fall apart when you think it’s finally working out.

It’s as if some higher up can sense that you are happy and content with your life and they don’t want to give you that sorta life.

The moment your brain processed what had happened you fell into the darkness like a big hole that sucked you in without any way out. Anyone around you could be another loss so what do you do? You leave, you disappear so no one gets hurt by whatever is wrong with you.

Looking at yourself hurts because it’s him you see and it’s him you hear in your head he’s everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Sometimes you feel like you’re hallucinating because you swear to see him round the corner, you can almost hear him call out but when you try to look there’s nothing.

Sometimes but much rarer than you’d like to admit you’ve visited the grave, sometimes you speak to no one. Sometimes you scream in agony till you almost lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen. Sometimes you just stare.

It’s a sick twist of events considering how often he walked on cemeteries with you as a child. You didn’t understand the meaning behind them back then, you only loved to admire the beautiful flower ornaments laying on top of the graves. Your dad always told you how soothing these walks seemed for you.

One time he took you and you had so much fun admiring the flowers giggling and smiling. Your dad wanted to tell you off since it’s a place where people grieved especially with a woman sitting nearby crying. He went to apologize to her on your behalf but the woman told him not to. She thought it was an uplifting sight to see little you having so much joy about the flowers, that’s a story he always kept telling you again and again.

All your life those walks soothed your frayed mind. The quiet somber energy is something no other place could compare with. Now it’s the last place you’d wanna be in. The moment you step foot on the property, the panic starts to creep up on you. The closer you get to him the worse it gets.

Sometimes the voices in your head scream to just start digging into the earth to get him out of that godforsaken coffin. Look at him, do something to bring him back. If the devil would show up to take you instead of your dad you’d do it. He was a troubled man but he tried so hard. He did not deserve any of this, he should’ve been here for all the good times yet to come.

You imagined him walking you down the aisle, having that stupid first look with him where he’d surely try so hard not to cry but looking at his baby in a wedding dress would’ve been way too much for him to stay strong. You imagined having your first dance with him.

You imagined how excited he would’ve been to hear that he was going to be a grandpa. In your head you can see him with a little baby that looks just like you. But none of this will ever happen; he's dead.

Sometimes it’s hard to even look at Joel. He's connected to him as well; he was his boss and one of his closest friends. It’s not fair you know but in your head you see Joel and your dad laughing on the porch about some old men shit like always making their awful dad jokes. Or drinking a beer together or looking to fix something around the house.

The house, Joel’s house and a place your dad spent a lot of time in. Walking through the hallways is not pleasant anymore, the couch is avoided as best as you can. He used to sit here all the time watching soccer games with Joel. The chair at the dining table he always sat on had to be removed simply seeing it made you sick and eating was already a hefty struggle since he passed.

He left a mark anywhere and all of it was getting too much. The pressure in your head becomes more and more unbearable.

Even though you tried to push all those negative festering thoughts away the voices could not be shut up no matter what you tried.

The worst was when they started to go for Joel, suddenly all you could think of was how he’d die. Joel is only 10 years your dad’s junior. So if he died then why not Joel too.

So many horrible scenarios played out inside your mind. Car accident, some freak accident on a construction site, getting attacked by multiple people, torturing him slowly, beating him to death, his head all split open, blood everywhere, or what if he gets shot by some crazy Texan who loves guns. There really was not a scenario left to imagine.

Nightmares in the most cruel ways destroying you slowly from the inside out. And that just proved how one thing can make an avalanche of events happen. He was your purpose for most of your life, you only continued to play this game called life because you could not leave him. And now he left you.

One time he told you how if it weren’t for you he’d be dead or in jail since there would be no reason to give a damn about his life. He was just like you, living for others instead of for himself. No one understood you like him. Somewhere deep inside you know he wouldn’t want you to blame yourself so much but that singular fact does nothing compared to all the ever suffocating darkness.

You’d give anything to have him back, feel his warm embrace one more time, hear him say how much he loves you, have him tell you one of his stories, have him tell you it’s going to be alright, take one more look and inhale his signature scent. You have one of his shirts doused in his favorite perfume, it’s what you used to do in all those years you lived far away from him during childhood. Now it does not help like it did back then. What remains of him? Nothing, all of his stuff shoved into a storage unit looked up, buried just like him.

You know Joel tried hard to be supportive and not push you too hard. Sometimes you wished he would’ve just screamed at you, slapped some sense into you and told you to stop being such a disgraceful mess. That’s what they would’ve done.

But Joel is not like that, he helped you so much. Putting himself so far behind. So much so that you feel sorry he has to deal with an ill girlfriend, that’s what you are, a mental wreck.

He deserves better treatment than the lackluster one you have given him in the last months. He deserves to be free of your weight dragging him down towards the abyss. Even though he told you in the beginning that he loves you with all the baggage and all the challenges, you cannot let him continue to waste his time.

Besides you’re convinced he’d leave you anyway like everyone before one way or another you end up alone. You have no control of the situation but if you leave then you have the control it still hurts but it’s the only option in your head.

The decision was made weeks ago, it felt wrong to lie to Joel to keep him thinking everything is fine only to then rip it all away but perhaps it’ll make him hate you so it’s easier. If he hates you then he will be able to move on with his life. Burn all you build together down.

And then you knew today would be the day. You couldn’t bear to kiss him in the morning; it would only make everything harder. Some time after he left you got up. One last time using the shower you both occasionally used together having foam party’s, giggling, washing each other and then kissing, touching till it leads to you with your cheek squished against the tile and Joel behind you ferociously hitting that special spot inside of you, till you both reach your high. Now you’re alone staring at that specific spot in the tiles, too much so you turn away.

One last time looking at yourself in the mirror above the sink, the mirror Joel and you both looked into while brushing your teeth. You dry your hair, put on fresh clothes, nothing too dramatic, just some simple black leggings and a black cotton shirt.

Then you start packing the most important stuff into two big suitcases. Basically only clothes, some hygiene products and a few trinkets that you don’t want to leave behind. The rest can be either sold by Joel or thrown away. You don’t care, the less holding you back the better.

Once the suitcases are packed you haul them down the stairs towards the front door. And then you just wait. For hours you sit at the dining table just staring ahead at the wall opposite where so many photos of Joel and you hang so many memories and you’ll destroy it.

You should feel bad but these days you barely feel anything, numb is what you think you feel most of the time. Maybe that’s what your ex meant when he said that you don’t own a heart, that you’re a cold blooded mean person. Someone who plays with people until they stop serving their purpose, that's what he said.

It’s almost 8pm, Joel should be home soon. You have practically studied the words you’ll say. An Uber already ordered to arrive 15 minutes after he should get home. Not much to talk about the less the easier so you can just walk away.

Then you hear it, Joel’s truck driving up the driveway and coming to a halt. How he gets out and slams the door shut behind him. His keys jiggling while he searches for the right one. Unlocking the door and closing it behind him. You don’t turn towards him although you know he must be looking at you in astonishment. He can not miss the suitcases and something about the lack of his words tells you he knows exactly what this means.

Joel cannot believe what he walked into, he knew something was off but just thought that he was starting to imagine things but here you are sitting like an empty shell of yourself and the packed suitcases can only mean one thing, he tries his hardest not to freak out that won’t make anything better.

He starts walking towards you, slowly, once he reaches the threshold of the living room he speaks up

“Moon, Darling what’s goin on?” He immediately continues “What’s with those suitcases, huh?” He can’t even hide the nervous quiver in his voice.

You turn to finally look at him with empty eyes, get up and walk up to him and then “I have to leave.” And with that you move to walk past him but Joel stops you by reaching for you arm, you immediately pull your arm away hissing “Don’t fuckin touch me Joel.”

He’s stunned by this harsh rejection, his expression full of hurt. Yet he persists by getting close, grabbing your face with both hands, his warm calloused hands that you love- loved so much. He urges “Talk to me baby, what is going on, why would ya need to leave?” Even with everything he tried to be gentle, his voice panicked yet almost just a whisper.

He can see in your eyes some sadness creeping in when you mutter “Joel..-“ you take one deep inhale “-…this House no longer feels like home.” He can tell even with how hard you try to appear collected that it pains you to say those words. “Wh…what do ya mean? If- if the house is the problem we can just move.” You cut in “No Joel, no i..I don’t love you anymore. Ok? I can’t stay here any longer.”

It’s a punch right into his gut there’s no way you are serious. “Baby all ya stuff is here you can’t just leave.” He tries to find something to buy him time. “I don’t care Joel just…just throw it away or sell it or I don’t know fuckin burn it. I won’t need it anyway.” He’s so shocked that you use that to continue your path towards the front door and the waiting suitcases.

On top of one suitcase lies a tote bag containing your phone, a jacket and your wallet sits. You swing it over your shoulder, you can hear that Joel has started crying, his huffed breaths are all you can hear.

That’s when a car starts honking outside, the Uber is here, you go to open the front door twisting the knob you can hear him walking up behind you with heavy steps. You open the door anyway with him at your back and you move the suitcases out onto the porch. Joel’s trying his hardest to contain his sobbing to a minimum but it’s hard he loves you so much, he thinks about the ring in his wardrobe hidden behind stuff you’d never go for and he thinks about the talks you two had of having a baby. If only he knew

His heart is breaking watching you walk away from all of it. You turn to him, one last time, he looks shattered, you've never seen Joel like this, you give him a nod as if to give him the ok to touch you one more time if only to give some kind of closure. He moves closer without hesitation and takes your face in his hands once more and leans his forehead against yours. His frantic breathing collides with your face and then “Wh…why Baby just why?” He sobs A simple question and you decide to give him at least something you reach up to put your hands over his to get him to open his eyes.

“Joel I’m not myself anymore, i-…i feel so all over the place and I’m so scared.” Tears start clouding your sight. “I need to be away from everything. I need to be alone far away to just maybe find some peace. I need to be gone.” And the tears start falling “No matter where I look I can’t stop seeing him and it’s crushing me.” Now you're full on crying. He’s processing what you’re saying and somewhere in his mind he understands that, still he can’t believe this is it.

“Ok-….if ya need to go at least promise you’ll give some sorta sign ya alright?” He looks desperate “Please Baby….please just a text something anything.” You only nod and then pull out of his grasp, take the suitcases and shakinly make your way to the Uber. Joel can only watch and hope you’ll stick to your words, hope that you’ll find some kind of way back to yourself.

The Uber driver gets out as you approach and opens the trunk helping to put the suitcases in there. Then you walk to the right door on the back, open it and hesitate for a moment. Joel holds his breath but you continue to slip into the backseat. Closing the door and off the car goes. Joel doesn’t know for how much longer he stood on the porch long after the car was gone. What was there is no more.

Npt: @almostfoxglove @joelmillerisapunk @aurorawritestoescape @milla-frenchy @joelslegalwhre @thundermartini @studioghibelli @sizzlingcloudmentality @vivian-pascal @strang3lov3 @xdaddysprincessxx @mountainsandmayhem @mrsmando @joelsgreys @janaispunk @the-mandawhor1an (honestly I’m tagging pretty randomly, sorry) 💙

Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI, thank you 🙏🏻

#almostfoxgloveangstchallenge #ficrec #this ripped my heart out and stomped on it and i loved every second #thank you SO?? MUCH?? for joining the challenge i am ruined #<333 #pmsing while reading this was dangerous #bookshelf #read #joel miller fic #joel miller #tlou fic #angst challenge shelf #angst fic

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