#only when it comes to the dumbest shit imaginable

[minetteskvareninova]

I actually thought about this myself!

So, first off, Osman is almost a no-brainer for me: Batuhan Karacaya. A bit too hot to be Ibrahim's son, admittedly, but we do need to keep in mind Hatice is his mom. Also if he was in Magnificent Century, you KNOW they would cast someone hot anyway for the eye candy, just like they did with literally every single prince (even if very few were this aggressively chadly).

(Also - why yes this pic is from Diriliş Ertugrul, whyever would you ask?)

Esmanur is a bit more difficult. Basically, we know she didn't inherit her mother's "miniature" eyes, that her complexion is somewhat dark (which doesn't make sense, because both of her parents are relatively pale), and dark eyes like her father. So basically, like half of the Turkish actresses under 40 qualify here, but I've always been partial to Hazal Filiz Küçükköse, just because she has a lot of good pics in Magnificent Century-style clothing from Mehmet Bir Cihan Fatihi

If she's a bit too hot and we really want to pick someone closer in appearance to her show parents, I'd suggest Büşra Develi (who was in the same show, so also has a lot of good pics for this purpose)

Have a current AU of sorts that's infected my brain, which means I now need to poll those wiser than myself to see who folks think could play older versions of Ibrahim's other two children, Osman and Esmanur.

[yawnderu]

honestly i would die for bimbo!reader to have some sort of Legally Blonde level of intelligence but for the stupidest, most useless shit. no, she can't remember which knob turns on which burner for the stove, but she can tell you the effects of different chemical compounds found in all her favorite skincare products and now they react to an individuals derma-layer. simon once caught her watching a screensaver on TV for 30 min because she thought it was "a reeeeally slow nature documentary /:", but she's fluent in Korean because she got super into Korean make up brands from her favorite influencers and wanted to be able to read the product ingredients/reviews/tutorials, it just never gets brought up otherwise and when someone asks in disbelief she's all "what, like it's hard?"

and simon is just sooooo so so proud of his smart pretty girl. who cares that she thought soap's parents legally named him after a dishwashing product. can mactavish tell him how to tell dupes from authentic handbags based on the inner stitching that can only be done on machines specially made by Italian companies? no? then shut the fuck up. tell us more about glitter lipgloss, beautiful.

Absolutely!! She may be dim-witted when it comes to certain things, but she's not exactly dumb at all. This girl could recite the laws of astrophysics and solve complex mathematical problems while being piss drunk.

Simon is still amazed by how complex his sweet girl is— he knows she isn't stupid, yet it never fails to surprise him how you start speaking to MacTavish in fluent Scottish Gaelic, only offering the explanation that you learnt it because a character on your favorite movie spoke it once, looking at him like he grew a second head when he sheepishly told you most scottish people don't speak Gaelic anymore.

Sure, you may have thought movies were real and used to avoid watching them because you thought the actors were actually getting killed and you didn't want to support that, yet a window of your house is full of math equations that gave him a headache just by looking at them.

I'd say Simon sees bimbo!reader as a box full of surprises, telling him about something new every single time you have a conversation. How did you get into studying astrophysics? You got the highest score in the university admission exam and saw a poster that was shiny and had cute stars and a pretty nebula!! How could you resist when everything about it called for you?

Mhm, the smell of gunpowder and blood that sticks to him no matter what is such an odd perfume, yet it surely has an interesting molecular makeup! Of course it does, pretty girl.

They complement each other so well because Simon has the street smarts she's lacking, and she has the book smarts Simon doesn't. She can be extremely ditzy, but who cares when she can tell him exactly which inks are recommended for his skin and which chemicals can rough up his face? He had to buy a brand-new eye black stick simply because you could tell the materials used on it by applying it on your hand with a frown.

I'd like to imagine her as someone with lots of odd interests, knowledge and hyperfixations in the dumbest things besides the universe. He has to keep up with you buying materials for making bracelets and keeping a room full of dinosaur plushies.

Bimbo!Reader Masterlist

[apclyptc]

TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN— matt and chris sturniolo x reader

synopsis— you and your friends decide to play a dirty drinking game. but with matt on your left, and chris on your right, how will you ever be able to decide who you want more?

warnings— suggestive themes, drinking, brief suggestive moment with waylon felipe (that man is FIIIIINE) use of a dirty scenario card game, ysb tril and brandon (gwhip) are in this but there’s not really anything suggestive with them (even tho they’re FIIIINE and underrated as fuck), basically the most ooc dumb shit ever, just use your utmost imagination pls lmao

foreword— i got this idea from a card game i own. it’s called kinkies get legless if anyone would like to know. voila!

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

why, on god’s green earth, did you agree to this? you knew exactly what you signed up for when nate had organised a party— nothing big, just all your close friends— and revealed a card game for everyone to play.

“if anyone wants to back out now, this is your only chance.” nate chuckled when nick and madi both stepped back. he’d already explained the card game to everyone:

complete the dare written on the card, or skip the dare and take a shot. straightforward, until he gave an example of said cards.

“choose which person in the group you’re most likely to have a wet dream over.”

you laughed, but deep down you knew this was not going to end well.

after all, you were sat between matt and chris. you were close friends with the triplet brothers, but you would be lying if you said you didn’t harbour a crush for the two you were currently sandwiched in between. you’d already admitted these feelings to madi, who gave you the sound advice to choose one.

but it wasn’t that easy, was it? they were both so… great, and yet so different at the same time.

maybe you could use this opportunity to decide.

as it stood, matt was on your left, chris on your right, and waylon, another good friend of yours, directly opposite you.

nate, being the host and also the orchestrator of this hellish game, pulled a card first, and read out loud.

“give the player of the person on your left a lap dance? hell yeah!” nate exclaimed, standing from his seat and giving trilly the most dramatic lap dance of his life. everyone laughed at this, knowing nate would most likely do all of his dares.

before you knew it, it was coming up to your turn. but first, chris had to pull a card.

you prayed to every god you knew that he didn’t pull a card that involved you.

“oh my god, this game is crazy.” chris laughed, before reading out his card, “act out the doggy style position with the person to your left.”

you could die of embarrassment. this was truly a terrible, no good, awful idea. why did you agree to this?

the room was filled with ooh’s and aah’s, waiting to see if chris would take a shot instead of doing the dare. he glanced over at you, as if to say you could choose.

you shrugged nonchalantly, despite the fact you were screaming inside.

“come on, let’s get this over with.” he motioned you over with his hand, and you hesitantly stood.

you felt chris behind you, his hands moving to your waist as he pushed his hips up to yours, though he didn’t move.

immediately you laughed, and everyone else followed.

“this is literally the dumbest thing you’ve ever suggested, nate.” you shouted through everyone’s laughter.

“agreed.” chris sat back down, but not before placing a pillow over his lap.

“but it’s so funny!” nate replied.

it may have been funny, but that didn’t stop you from thinking about chris’ hips pressed up to your ass. you almost wished he moved.

regardless, it was your turn to pull a card.

“choose three… okay, what the fuck.” you covered your mouth, giggling.

“let me see,” matt leaned over to read the card and pulled a face, “choose three players you’d make a sex tape with.”

how could you even begin to answer that? why did you agree to this?

you weren’t going to skip the card, you didn’t want to be the first to do it. so you’d have to answer. and lie.

“i guess if i had to pick, i’d say tril, waylon aaaaaand… this is hard actually…. brandon.” you spoke.

the three boys dapped each other up, which made you chuckle.

“don’t get too excited, it’s never gonna happen.” you teased.

“i guess it’s my turn,” matt piped up, grabbing a card from the deck.

“oh this one’s easy, it says confess the least sexy thing someone has said to you. one time a girl asked me if she could call me nick while we were, you know…” he clicked his mouth and whistled.

“wait, what the fuck?” nick perked up from the other side of the room.

chris cackled loudly, “shit, i remember that. you told me not to tell him.”

“well, did you let her do it?” tril asked jokingly.

“that’s fucking gross! i swear to god matt you better have said no.” nick yelled, which only made chris laugh more.

“obviously i said no, you moron.”

by now, the deck of cards had gone around the room a couple of times.

waylon pulled the card, let the person opposite you sit on your face which you accepted gracefully after successfully sneaking yourself a couple of shots.

at some point you pulled the choose the players you’d most likely have a threesome with card which you chose matt and chris immediately took a shot.

nate had rank the asses of the players from best to worst, and while chris was number one, you were satisfied with your ranking at third— he placed himself second.

already it was back to chris.

“i actually don’t think i can do this one.” chris covered his eyes.

“what does it say?” you asked. you wished you didn’t.

he turned the card over to you. it read, whisper the dirtiest thing you’d do to the player on your left.

“chris, don’t be a pussy, you already skipped the last one.” nate raised his eyebrows.

“dude, i don’t care how close we are, i’m not passing you an ice cube from my mouth.” chris spoke incredulously, which made everyone chuckle, though you were too busy wondering what chris would even say to you.

“new rule, if you skipped your last card you can’t skip the next one.” nate shouted, to which chris flipped him off.

“you good with this?” chris turned to you.

“sure. it’s just a game right?” you pretended to be unfazed.

chris leaned into your ear, as everyone watched.

“if we were alone right now, i’d fill you up so deep that you’d forget how to talk.”

oh.

“what did he say– oh my god, y/n’s face has gone red!”

oh.

“damn chris, you’re looking kinda red too.”

oh.

“okay move on, please.” chris laughed it off.

but you wanted to do anything but move on, partly because you were sweating— is it hot in here?— and partly because it was your turn again.

let the person to your left give you a love bite.

you weren’t sure you could handle this game anymore. you were barely over the words chris had whispered to you, and now you were supposed to let matt give you a hickey?

and to make things worse, because of the new rule (thanks a lot, nate) you couldn’t skip your turn.

“this game is getting intense, i can’t lie.” waylon mumbled to brandon, who agreed with him excitedly.

“sorry matt, i can’t skip.” you said awkwardly.

matt quickly downed a shot, before replying, “don’t worry about it.” and moved his lips to your collarbone.

he made quick work of sucking on your skin while embarrassment waved over you.

there were a million thoughts running through your head at once but the one that stood out most was how good it felt to have matt leaving a trace of his lips on your body. you were acutely aware of the slight pain mixed with the considerable amount of pleasure that came with his bite.

after what seemed like way too long, he soothed your collarbone with a lick and parted ways with it.

“i didn’t know matt had that dog in him.” tril joked.

briefly, everyone had split into their own conversations, leaving you to your own chaotic thoughts.

but matt placed a hand on your thigh.

“you okay?” he asked you, and of course you were not.

“mhm. just didn’t think this game would be so insane.”

matt smirked ever so slightly.

“me neither. are you having fun, at least?”

“yeah, it’s pretty entertaining. are you?” you responded honestly.

matt’s thumb softly caressed your thigh while the rest of his hand squeezed lightly.

“definitely.”

how could you be expected to choose?

yet another around had gone by and it was regrettably your turn to pick a card.

you slowly picked up the card on top of the deck and read the words.

“what does it say?” matt and chris spoke in unison.

you cleared your throat, looking between the two boys on either side, then at everyone else eagerly waiting.

“go into another room with the player of your choice for ten minutes.” you sighed.

“i was hoping someone would get that card. who are you picking, y/n?” nate asked you.

you should skip this round. you should definitely skip this round. but something was telling you that this was your opportunity to finally choose which brother you wanted, just like madi told you.

the choice was too difficult.

but if you were honest, you knew who you really wanted.

so, you went with your gut.

“i pick…”

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

a/n this feels so ASS but i love this idea so much so idc. the part two’s for matt and chris will be linked below once they’re written. hope u enjoyed!

p.s PLSSSS follow my tiktok yall 🙏🙏 same username apclyptc ill prob take some requests on there

if you choose matt if you choose chris

© APCYLPTC 2023. do not repost, translate, or duplicate any of my works here or any other websites.

[xoluvx]

Hiiiii could you do Billie getting our name tattooed and us not finding out until seeing it online from fans going crazy plsss

Oh my gosh could you imagine???

It’s actually just your initial, but it’s behind her ear in a little heart locket or some gay shit like that.

She posts a picture on her story. The picture is a mirror selfie of course. She facing forward, holding her hair up, her neck is exposed and her jawline is sharp. You nearly drop your phone because you can’t believe it. But you see she added another story. This one is a picture of her face with a mischievous look. She’s biting her lip and you’re tagged near her neck with a little red heart.

When you saw the chaos online, you hurried to your Instagram to see for yourself. You saw the picture roaming around before you saw her stories. It was a picture clearly taken right at the tattoo parlor and though she wasn’t tagged people were quick to figure out who it was and who the tattoo was about.

It’s not like it was a complete surprise. She’d joke about it. You’d told her not to dare.

It’ll all started as an inside joke because that’s the spot you like to lick and suck when kissing her neck and she said she just wanted a little something to immortalize your mark.

And you thought that was both the hottest and dumbest thing to come out of her mouth. But she’d done it and now you had to drive to her house to see for yourself. And the only logical solution was to marry her. She had your initial tattooed on her skin for fucks sake.

continued

[cluescorner]

What I like about this more than anything is that Juni Ba clearly KNOWS THAT THE LoA IS NOT JUST A FUCKING CULT! They are eco-terrorists first and foremost. It was formed by a man who has witnessed how humans ravage the earth and decided that the only solution was drastic population reduction (similar to how Poison Ivy is sometimes written). Their goal is to preserve the earth, the cult-ish stuff is secondary and imo mostly a result of Ra's demanding absolute loyalty from everyone (to the point of even trying to make his own daughter kill the man she loved), a means to an end (in order to ensure loyalty), and his own ego. So yeah, to say that they would HATE billionaires and the elites who hoard their wealth to further strip the world of its resources and pollute it in order to further fill their own pockets...is an understatement. I hate when people write them as ONLY an assassin cult as if that's the only thing there is to them. I hope that in the next issue we get to see more of the environmentalist side of the LoA, this line just gave me way too much hope lmao

[suiana]

firstly I would like to thank you for feeding the horny goblin in me, now I've come back for more janitor shit and I had the dumbest prompt in mind! I don't know if you've seen White Chicks, specifically the beach scene ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) look it up if u haven't seen it but PICTURE IT:

dumb shy ready is walking along the halls doing something, doesn't see the wet floor sign and slips, on the floor like a starfish and dizzy from the impact; janitor comes and stands over them, reader's vision is blurry at first so they don't realize his junk is all up in their face (cause I imagine he's packing both ways 👀) - I will use this excuse as he's helping us up to cop a feel of his cake, I bet its heavy and I'd need both hands to hold one cheek AAHHHHHHH---

I will pay you to let me touch the butt

P L E A S E

"ugh... my head..."

you grumble, eyes still half shut. what even happened..? you were just walking, trying to get to class... your hands reach up to your face, trying to rub them only to realise that 'hey, it's kinda dark'.

your eyes immediately shoot open, wanting to figure out why it was so dark but to your horror, your crush was hovering over you. with his grey sweatpants... and... prominent bulge....

"shit- ah you're awake! I'm so glad!"

he murmurs, bending down as his worried face comes close to yours. his relieved sighs of relief help him to forget why he was so panicked in the first place. thank goodness you were alright! he'd never forgive himself if his lovely sweetheart died because of wet floor!

but to you, all you could focus on was how his round, plump and juicy ass was just mere centimetres away from you.

'i could touch it...'

devious thoughts swirled through your head as you completely ignored the janitor and his thankful prayers to god. your eyes were blank, filled with silly thoughts as you reached your hand out and...

"my ass- wait are you..."

time slows as you grope and squish the janitor's ass, totally mesmerized with the feeling of it. you didn't stop, no. not even when the janitor tried to tap you lightly with his shaky hands. you were far too lost in the amazing feeling of his juicy ass. only when soft moans flowed like music into your ears did you truly snap out of your drunken stupor.

your hands immediately retract back as your cheeks rush with blood.

"I-I'm so sorry!"

you gasp out, trying to excuse your pervertic actions. but to the older man whose cheeks were flushed, eyes hazy with lust, no excuse would ever be enough.

you tried wiggling away, to escape as usual. however this time, the janitor had the upper hand. he plopped himself down on your hips, toned arms crossed over his chest as he smirks.

internally you were screaming. but on the outside you were only babbling nonsense, trying to comprehend what was going on. what was the janitor doing?! was he mad?! no no no! your chances of being with him had to be in the negatives now!

...was what you thought until the janitor leaned forward, hands beside your head as his... man thing poked you.

"didn't know you were into me too... ah today really is a good day. thought you were scared of me or something..."

he hummed as his lips grazed yours. shit?! what the fuck was going on?!

"now... could you please touch me and finish what you started? consider this punishment for making me worried."

[imeriayapping]

Idiots

[A short mixed media fic]

Chat with vale

They both are giggling like idiots. Cele can't stop it, he hasn't seen Pedro in forever and text messages never do them justice. So when he finally gets a moment to steal Pedro away in the morning chaos before the practice even begins Cele needs to get the most of it. But for now too much anxious energy is running inside him both from not being in close proximity for so long and from fear of being caught by other guys.

It's not like they would judge him, probably just tease the hell out of the situation but a small part of his brain still nagging at him with the thoughts of being rejected by people he cares about.

It's all too much to keep up with in his head. It also makes Cele ramble uncontrollably about the dumbest shit ever, like the fact that Marco almost forgot his leathers today before coming to the ranch and was forced to run back for them. He knows he needs to shut up, to use whatever little valuable time they have but Pedro looks at him so intensely that Cele isn't able to stop. His eyes are beautiful and Cele just wants to hold his face and look at them forever.

They both are still smiling but for a moment Pedro's smile turns into a sly smirk and he finally saves Cele from himself by tugging him by his hoodie and shutting that stream of rumbling with a short kiss.

Suddenly all buzz in Celestino's head falls flat and only thing he can think of is chasing for another kiss. But Pedro is moving away for some reason and it rips involuntary whine out of him.

"Now that we ceased your rambling, how about a makeout session and some catching up after practice?"

Pedro somehow always takes away all words out of his mouth so all Cele can do is nod and lean forward waiting.

Pedro only hums, gets on his tiptoes for a second to leave a little perk on Cele's nose and then suddenly his hands are on Cele's neck and he gets yanked down for a proper kiss.

Finally.

Finally he gets what he needed, tasting Pedro's lips and having all freedom that he would want to explore his body with hands. Now that he's started Cele can't stop, he doesn't need air, he doesn't need anything, only to touch and cling to Pedro's frame. It's a bit more frantic than usual, like when you finally get to drink water that you'd left at home after a long hike, when you can't get enough. Cele runs his hands through his hair, finally long enough to do so. Last time they saw each other it was awfully short again and he couldn't do anything with that but now it's back to his favourite length, gives him ability to lead the kiss into a bit more comfortable position, tilting Pedro's head a bit.

Cele's quite a bit higher and they both like it because at times like this it feels like he can hug him so close that they become one, almost hide Pedro inside inside his own ribcage.

Little noises fill the room, an indicator that both of them needed this to the same degree. It's amazing, everything goes ideally just for a little because they know that shortly after they will need to go back to their duties before the race, but anyway, that's best time that Cele had in a lo-

"And what is this Celestino?"

He registers the squeak of the door only after hearing the voice, his blood runs cold.

Seconds stretch into hours, he can't move away from Pedro, thankfully they positioned themselves in a way that Cele is standing with his back to the door and also obscuring Pedro from the view in his embrace too, who is thankfully also staying still, face having too many mixed emotions. Right now all he can do is continue to stand stuck in his place, with only instinct being to hide in Pedro's frame. He knows that voice, knows it too well and that makes everything ten times worse.

"Oh come on, Celin, I don't care whatever fangirl you sneak in here, we have work to do so we need you near the track. Let's go" a good-natured smile is almost palpable in Vale's voice, the expression easy to imagine with how much he wears it around but it doesn't help Cele to calm down in a slightest. The only thing he knows for sure is that Vale hasn't yet realised who he has in his hands because the reaction would be completely different.

What does stop his nerves is a snort followed by "Well one thing I haven't been called before is a fangirl, that's for sure"

Pedro grins and finally takes a step back, spinning Cele in one fluid motion too, so now they are both fully visible to Valentino. "Mama mia! Sorry, sorry, couldn't guess this, won't happen again." Now it's a full on laughter from Vale but it doesn't feel mean in any way and suddenly the air is sucked back into his lungs, filling the void that he didn't even realise had formed in there. At the same time he feels a firm hand that squeezes his own, trying to comfort. His posture is slack, Pedro is at ease with situation and just tries to support him. It's nice to have someone knowing all the silly ways his head works in and who can support him in ways that don't go against those ways.

Vale clearly sees unease left on his face so he takes a step closer, patting Cele's shoulder. "It's okay truly, but we really need to go now. I think it will be the best to include your not-fangirl in the video too, don't you think?" His tone is softer now and that helps Cele to find his voice again even if only for a simple "yeah", still being a bit too struck to find anything witty to answer. That gets him one final pat on the shoulder and Valentino is going outside again, throwing a short "You have five minutes to get yourself decent and I'm waiting for you at the track" over his shoulder with a devious grin that gets Cele a taste of teasing that he's probably gonna get from all the academy.

When door squeaked shut everything in the room suddenly got back to normal, all noises from outside, all little sounds of the house came back too. Along with it, a loud laughter got out of Pedro meanwhile Cele just fallen on his unmade bed, snatching a pillow to scream for a bit. The bed dipped next to him and he felt a hand in his hair before he heard the words "Let's go, they really need you there a lot if Valentino Rossi himself came here to find you". That was reasonable and clearly gave Cele enough energy to start getting up from bed which was hurried by another familiar laughter outside of Cele's window. When he opened it to see Mig looking at him it clicked.

"YOU SON OF A BI-"

[kob131]

I don't know how you do it, but somehow you and Taka are the only people on this website that don't piss me off. Everyone else I've tried to follow has inevitably said the dumbest shit imaginable, but somehow, even when I disagree with you two, it doesn't piss me off nearly as badly.

That's funny, considering me and Taka actually have a reputation of pissing people off. Maybe it's because, when it comes to political topics, we tend to be middle of the road and that's kind of hard to piss people off.

[nectardaddy]

notebook paper | hinata shoyo

chapter ten | absolutely [ ✎ ]

masterlist

no smau parts in this one.

cw: (heavy)drinking, drunkenness, obnoxiously cute

She's beautiful.

Thoughts hammered in his head as he leaned against the kitchen counter, watching as she rummaged through the refrigerator. Brown eyes taking in tired ones as they scoured, searching for something specific, until she finally reached for a bottle and groaned. "Well, I hope you like wine. Because it's all we have apparently," she sighed, placing the, all too big, bottle on the counter for him to inspect.

"I'm fine with that," confirming with a smile. His words garnered a smile from her, taking the bottle back to pour it into glasses. Cheap, plastic cups that were entirely too big for wine - but were used regardless. Watching her pour with a heavy hand, he laughed. "I think you're trying to kill me."

"What? You can't handle wine, shrimpy?" She teased, glancing over at him as she poured. When she caught his eyes, he swore he felt his heart squeeze.

Fuck, she is going to kill me.

All too soon was the bottle gone, and all too soon did he find himself slipping over the edge of a drunken cliff. Holding the cup, that was nearly empty again, to his lips but laughing at the screen in front of him before he could take a sip. Watching a movie that he had picked, one so close to outlandish it was deemed hilarious when one was under the influence. A movie that made her laugh, grabbing at his arm drunkenly as if to catch her breath from giggling. "This is so dumb," her intoxicated words spilling out of her lips in a breathy laugh.

"Duh," he mused, "that's why I picked it." Speech slurring only slightly as he looked over to her with a silly grin. "You told me you and Suga watched the dumbest shit when you were drunk, so I delivered."

She was closer to him than before the movie started, before they started drinking; her shoulder now brushing against his own as she let go of his arm. Sitting cross legged next to him in her bed, leaning her back against the wall. He teetered far from sobriety, but maintained a distance from her. Not wanting to make her uncomfortable with fleeting touches or, hopefully not, unwanted advances.

"Thanks for coming over," an abrupt statement from her as she turned to look at him. Finding that he had already turned his attention towards her made her falter, only for a second, before continuing. "This is fun."

"It is," drunken words falling from his mouth with a silly grin as a response. Head fuzzy from wine as he tried to blink away the effects, and vision hazy as he chuckled at nothing. But feeling her so close to him, her shoulder brushing against his once again to place her cup down, made him chuckle once again in thought. "Should I do the really stupid yawn thing to put my arm around you or can I just do it?"

He watched as she bit back a laugh at his words, but failed as she ultimately giggled in response. "You're cute," drunken words she wouldn't dare have the confidence to say while sober. "While it would be hilarious to see that, I'll spare you the embarrassment and just say yes."

"Thank god," he breathed, holding his cheeky smile whilst putting an arm around her shoulders. "You'd just be cruel if you made me do that," a sass that was returned with a hum. Watching her eyes return to the screen once more, but he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from her. Brown eyes, drunk and blurry, transfixed on the woman whose head was now on his shoulder. "You're really pretty, y'know?" Blurting out the statement haphazardly, sentence choppy from intoxication.

Still looking at the television screen, she bit back a grin at his words. Fighting off every alcohol induced thought imaginable, leaving her with a silly, tipsy smile. "You're really drunk."

"What? So I can't tell you you're pretty if I'm drunk?"

"So many questions, Hinata, y'know I answer millions of questions every day right?" A teasing tone intertwined in her speech that made his heart hammer in his chest.

"Shoyo," he corrected, placing a pause in between before he continued on. "And y'know I talk a lot in general, drinking just makes it worse." Chuckling as she rolled her eyes in faux exasperation. "One more question, and I pinky promise it's the last one."

Finally looking over to him, both became all to aware of how close the other party was. Dangerously close, able to feel the other's breath if they truly focused on it. But neither pulled away, even as brown eyes flickered between features of her face. "It's your last question, make it good - Shoyo." She whispered; although she already had an inkling of what the suspected question could be, tension thick from such a close proximity.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Absolutely."

SCREAMING at how cute this is

yes there is a part after this! this is not the end!

they were both drunk as shit, and wine drunk is a whole different type of drunk I swear

they definitely watched step brothers idc

kenma couldn't fucking sleep with how loud yn was laughing

yn emailed her teacher before this, saying she wasn't going to make it the next day

both group chats are NOT ready to hear about this tomorrow

taglist under cut

@muyyie @wyrcan @eggyrocks @eclecticeggknightpsychic @nbcvs

@marzzn @naweirdo @yukii-1 @girlkissersco @yuminako @kunimix

@empress-pug-pug @cherrypieyourface @lvtilzs @punkhazardlaw @localgaytrainwreck

@crownj1min @sereniteav @madiexuberant @st4rdusttx @chizunata

@le000xxgrd @iheartpinky @muskratlove

[divinelolita]

IM ALIVE

and i love you too baeeee and dw idc when you finish this😘

whole band headcannons seperate ofc with there bf(or gn reader if you cant include much but if you can include a little thats chill idc) who is so fucking stupid

like karen from mean girls stupid. for example if someone asked him if he was top or bottom he'd be like "oh bottom! top bunks make me nervous." like💀💀

and another example is if he cooked something and it's hot he'd only say careful its hot AFTER you choke on how hot it is😭

i feel like they'd love him so much but sometimes he's just real fucking dumb💀💀💀

also you don't have to use the first two those are just examples ofccc i love youuuuu

TOKIO HOTEL X DUMB MALE READER

hi bb! ilym 😋🙏 i hope this is good enough cuz recently my work has been iffy...........

---

BILL:

・He finds this shit funny bro

・Can't help but smile whenever you say some dumb shit.

・He feels like he's dreaming if you tell him late at night

"Bill?"

".....what?"

"... Why do we need farmers if we have grocery stores?"

・If you say that shit at 2AM he'd spend the rest of the night thinking about it.

・He gets headaches from how hard he thinks about it

"M/N..how do you even conjure up this type of stuff.."

・He can't tell if your genuinely confused or just fucking with him.

・He doesn't care though, he loves you and your stupidity.

・Actually finds himself asking you more and more questions just to see how far your imagination goes.

TOM:

・this cunt will laugh at you

・Let's out a few chuckles when you said something dumb for the first time

・He then realised you weren't joking and were actually serious 💀

"Why doesn't earth just..fall? Why are we floating?"

"..."

"..."

"M/N..- what the fuck is wrong with you."

・Sometimes he just agrees with whatever your saying and encourages you to go on, seeing how long he can go without chuckling

・He's not judging you- he actually really loves this about you.

・He will NEVER admit it but his heart melts whenever you say the dumbest shit.

・He tries not to correct you for the sake of your ego 🤷🏻🤷🏻

GEORG:

・He's like a dad with a dumb kid in this situation 💀

"Georg- does carbonated water have carbs?"

"Not exactly, M/N. The reason for this is....."

・He'd explain everything to you bro 😪

・Very unlike Tom.

・I feel like he's fine with whatever you say but like physical things get to him

・Like for example if you just mopped the floor and he comes in, stepping into the room as he nearly slips and grabs onto whatever piece of furniture will secure him.

"Oh by the way, Georg, the floor is wet. So be careful going in the room!"

"...Thanks."

・He can't help but chuckle to himself

・He nearly sprained his ankle but he didn't really care- he finds it cute how oblivious you are.

・You make him happy and thats all that matters to him.

GUSTAV:

・His brain stops processing for a minute.

・Stares at you for a minute as he thinks of something to say back.

"I'm so confused... Is an egg a fruit or vegetable?"

".. Good question. Why don't you look it up?"

・Like Tom he cant help but let out small guffaws and chuckles

・He has a few small burns on his fingertips from cooking with you.

"Oh Gustav can you check the pan?"

"Yeah sure, M/N...OH FUCK! -"

"Watch out, the stoves on!"

・At the end of the day he doesn't really care

・He love you way to much, like it's actually concerning how much he loves you.

[queentala]

Random small headcanons for my fav SJM men

Those are totally random thoughts I had and just kept collecting, also I'll be adding new ones when I'll come up with something. Feel free to reblog and add yours <3

I think Gavriel can draw really well, especially with pencil. Like, you know, he's a really precise and detailed guy, plus thanks to his soldier skills he has really stable hands, and it just sits right with me

Azriel loves when you paint his nails black. Also once you made him wear eyeliner and he actually really liked the results, so now from time to time he lets you do it

Aedion has his ears pierced but doesn't wear any earrings (it was probably a dare, even more likely he was drunk then)

Ruhn likes to have a small, faint lamp put on when he sleeps. It looks like a white sparkle and doesn't cast much light but having it next to his bed makes him feel somehow more safe and comfy

Also, he loves being held while sleeping. When you let him snuggle to your chest and hold him tight... It's his paradise, he can stay like this for eternity

Cassian is very ticklish (especially on feet). It's actually his secret because, come on, he's the Lord of Bloodshed, how can he be ticklish? And of course you fully respect that, not wanting his reputation to suffer, however, when it's just the two of you... Let's say Cass has to be pretty alert most times as you love to take advantage of that

Fenrys always brings you a plushie from his travels to foreign countries. Actually, he brings you many different things like jewellery, dresses, combs, mirrors, gems... everything. But a plushie, is a must. You have a whole collection of small cute stuffed animals (mostly wolves) from different parts of the world. Every one of them has a name, personality and a back story which you and Fenrys always come up with

Aedion is a horse girl. He rides so well and just loved being around those animals since he was a little boy. Often he takes you on all day long trips around Terrasen. Also he has few of his favorite horses and he spoils them so much, they're just his babies.

He also probably has like six dogs and wants to adopt every one he sees on the street

Lorcan most of the times either doesn't cuddle or is the big spoon. However, after really hard day he loves to fall asleep with his face in your breasts and his hair stroked

Sometimes when Rowan is engrossed in his work, he hums songs mindlessly

Fenrys talks in his sleep, and this goes to the point where you can literally argue with him or have a whole conversation as he's asleep

Aedion swears a lot. Gavriel doesn't swear almost ever and his face when Aedion starts throwing curses he could never imagine is just priceless

However, Gavriel knows many langues. So, whenever he's angry and finally hit his breaking point, he starts shit talking and insulting everyone in a foreign langue no one knows (just imagine him aggressively talking to himself in Spanish while walking around and throwing hands in the air lol)

Cassian always sleeps naked and refuses (will literally get offended) to do otherwise, even if there are different people sleeping in the room (read: Azriel)

Dorian baby talks to his dogs. Sometimes when he does this he forgets that he is a king and then have the whole castle talking about it for the next week (people find it adorable though. some of them at least.)

Rowan always has some blades with him. Always. Dude could be standing in the room only in his boxers and still proceed to pull out a knife from gods know where

Also, he will never admit it but he has some of his favorite blades that he had named. But if you'd ever done this he would laugh at you

Once you've gotten Ruhn a bracelet for his birthday that was a guitar pick of his favorite guitarist on a black string and from then he doesn't take it off. Ever.

We know Ruhn has this very rare and useful ability to speak in people's minds, however his favorite way to use those abilities is to make the dumbest jokes in your head in the most random moments and watch you burst out laughing around all those strangers that have no idea what is going on

GAVRIEL HAS DIMPLES

AND SO FUCKING DOES AEDION

(he also got the big d genes from him but it's the topic for other post)

So, Fenrys is a master at coming up with the weirdest nicknames for his loved one, however, no one compares to Cassian in this matter. His creativity sometimes is more than flesh and blood can bear

Lorcan is actually the biggest girl dad

Let's be honest, Dorian has better skin care than any lady in the whole sjm universe

Cassian loves being called your pretty princess

Azriel loves puzzles. And Legos! There's no better way to spend your day off than building castles and forts, and then having an actual battle between your kingdoms

Bat boys are not really fond of thunder... I think they have bad experiences with flying during storm and it haunts them to this day. They always want to be the little spoons and be cuddled when there's a storm outside

Azriel has bat slippers and Fenrys has wolf or bunny slippers

Dorian loves wearing sygnets. He has so many and you're simply obsessed with them. He's a king, he has to look decent, you know, but Dorian loves wearing them even if it's just the two of you snuggling or sitting in the library reading. Or when he fucks you and you can feel them dig into your skin when he grabs your ass..

Lorcan enjoys having his hair combed. He just melts when you do it. And if you do a little braid somewhere on his head he will keep it and wear it for the next few days

Gavriel is the best dancer you will ever meet. On the balls he can easily make everyone's attention turn to the two of you. But he also likes to dance with you in your house or chambers, where there are no people or music, and to be honest both of you like those moments much better

To be continued....

[red-riot-unbreakable-heart]

💕BakuDeku First Kiss 💕

FanFic Summary: BKDK first kiss head cannon, Kacchan + Deku have feelings for each other but are dumbasses and don't know how to act on them, the pair gets stuck on a corny Tunnel of Love ride that Class 1B built for the school's annual festival. Easy peasy lemon squeezy content for funsies. Scroll down to enjoy! :)

Ok but imagine:

Katsuki and Izuku's first kiss is at the school festival in their third year. Izuku convinces Katsuki to go on the "Tunnel of Love" ride that Class 1B has put together for the school, saying he wants to support all of their friends from the class. Katsuki has been looking for an excuse to be alone with Deku for literal months and so he agrees (even though a "tunnel of love" is the dumbest nerd shit he has ever heard of).

Katsuki begrudgingly asks Kirishima to cause a distraction while he and Izuku get on the ride (because he'll be damned if anyone from class 1A sees him getting mushy with the green haired hero &lt;spoiler alert - the entire class knows DK + BK have the hots for each other>).

Eijiro Kirishima of course agrees to help because he's an amazing friend and has a soft spot for romance. He enlists Denki Kaminari's help and obviously they do something ridiculously over the top and stupid. Picture Kirishima giving a speech about how manly romance is and it distracts everyone in line for the Tunnel of Love. Meanwhile Kaminari messes with the electrical system.

Katsuki and Izuku awkwardly hop into one of those cheesy swan boats and sail straight into the tunnel while Class 1B and the rest of the school are too focused on Kirishima + Kaminari to be any the wiser.

The ride breezes the boat through badly painted scenes from classic RomComs - How Harry Met Sally, While You Were Sleeping, You've Got Mail... Making matters worse, the whole thing is set to a cringe playlist of 80s and 90s love songs and it's all so over the top and cheesy and Katsuki WANTS. TO. DIE.

That is, until he looks over and sees Izuku admiring the scenery and taking everything in with a look of amazement. "Our classmates are just so talented, aren't they? They built this entire thing just using their quirks and elbow grease." And Katsuki just can't stop staring at the guy beside him. Deku is so pure and good and so utterly full of light. Once upon a time, that trait had pissed Katsuki the hell off. But now...now it's something he finds deeply endearing.

The ride slows down and comes to an abrupt stop in front of a giant cardboard heart painted sloppily with the words "Will You Be Mine?"

The lights flicker and spark before shutting off, plunging the scene into complete darkness. The music comes to a stop as well, silence resounding through the narrow tunnel. It only takes a second for Kacchan to realize that Kaminari and his overzealous electrification is likely to blame.

Damn Kirishima. I told him not to get Sparky involved. Katsuki thinks bitterly, standing up in the boat to look around for an exit. Everything is pitch black.

The boat rocks uncertainly beneath his feet, and he feels Izuku's hand grasp his own. The green haired hero slowly pulls Katsuki back into his seat. "Be careful Kacchan - you're going to tip us into the water! This boat doesn't seem so sturdy."

Katsuki grudgingly sits down. The damn nerd's probably right. He blushes when he notices that Izuku hasn't let go of his hand.

"You know, Kacchan, I was really surprised when you agreed to go on this ride with me. It really doesn't seem your style." He hears caution in Izuku's voice. The damn nerd isn't going to force him to move faster than he's ready to. They both know there is a mutual attraction between them, but neither have been ready to act on it until now.

Maybe it's the horrifically corny magic of Class 1B's Tunnel of Love. Or maybe it's the comfort of the total darkness surrounding them. Whatever it is - Katsuki suddenly feels brave enough to make a move.

"I knew those nerds from Class 1B wouldn't be able to pull this off. I figured this death trap would kill you - and I can't have you die before I have a chance to surpass you." Bakugo is cringing at his own words. He has zero rizz.

"I appreciate it." Izuku says, giving his hand a squeeze. Bakugo's heart starts beating double time, and his nerves are pissing him off.

"Listen, Deku. Let's drop the bullshit. Can I just kiss you already?" His face is beat red, but luckily Izuku can't see it.

Izuku's hand goes slack in surprise. Oh, shit. Katsuki panicks - has he read this entire situation wrong?!

"Ok this is stupid - forget I said anything dumbass!" Katsuki roughly pulls his hand away from Izuku, moving to stand up. This boat can go straight to hell, and he has no problem walking through a few feet of water to get away from this damn nightmare.

But just as he's getting up to leave - Izuku's hand reaches out and grabs him again in a vice-like grip. He pulls Katsuki roughly back into his seat.

"Kacchan..." Izuku reaches out blindly with both hands until he manages to find Katsuki's chin. His fingers feel more calloused than Katsuki would have imagined, toughened up from years of hero training. Once Izuku manages to find his friend, he slowly brings their faces together, fumbling a little in the dark. Izuku manages to kiss the corner of Katsuki's mouth, but with a little teamwork they adjust and find each other.

It's a slow kiss, and it's sweet. Izuku's mouth is softer than Katsuki could have ever imagined and the feel of it leaves him shaky. When Katsuki doesn't pull away, Izuku gains more confidence, his fingers moving to thread into the explosion hero's thick blond hair. The touch has Katsuki seeing stars - no one has ever caressed him so intimately.

Within minutes, he's trying to pull Izuku into his lap. He grips his friend's waist as he kisses him fiercely. Years of tension and unsaid words spur them on, causing their lips to collide again and again until...the lights snap back on.

Izuku and Katsuki are left blinking numbly as the gooey Spotify playlist starts up again. With a lurch, the swan boat starts moving forward again. The two scramble, trying to regain their composure as the end of the ride nears. Izuku climbs sheepishly out of Katsuki's lap, and Katsuki furiously tries to get his hair back to normal. Both are blushing like mad - they can barely look at each other.

A few moments later, the ride comes to an end. The swan boat moves jerkily back into the sunlight, and TetsuTetsu greets them with a grin at the exit. Katsuki groans internally - he has no doubts that Kirishima filled TetsuTetsu in on their plans.

"Sorry about the technical difficulties, looks like we had a little bit of electrical trouble." He says good-naturedly, swinging a wooden plank around to connect their boat to land. Izuku shakily exits the boat, walking lightly across the board.

"Thanks TetsuTetsu. Appreciate it." Izuku walks quickly through the exit, trying to hide the blush on his freckled face.

"Anytime bro." TetsuTetsu waves Izuku off, then turns to face Katsuki. "Enjoy the ride?" He says with a wink.

"Like hell I did!" Katsuki grunts, crosses the plank and pushing TetsuTetsu roughly to the side. He chases after Izuku but the festival is too crowded - the green haired nerd is nowhere to be found. "Damn."

Immediately, he feels his phone buzz in the pocket of his jeans. He fumbles to pull it out, seeing a text from Deku blinking across the screen. With shaking fingers, he opens the message and drinks in two quick sentences: Meet me in the dorms. Let's finish what we started.

Katsuki grins stupidly despite himself. "That damn nerd."

He makes a beeline for the 1A dorm building.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Heyy me again so about the creepypasta thing, I just wondered if you can do Ben drowned with a gen z reader platonically? It's okay if your uncomfortable doing it ><

Ben drowned x gen z!reader (platonic!)

not uncomfortable at all! love that im getting ben drowned requests since i enjoy him a lot and kind of want to write for him more; just strictly platonic ..which reminds me, i need to draw him again soon! gonna answer this then take a break and get back to requests yipe!

admin is still sold on the idea of ben being confined to electronics most of the time so i can easily see him gaining access to your devices so he can pester you whenever he wants; though this may get a little annoying since youre... well still alive! you have a life

whether or not the reader is a creepypasta themselves or is a normal person is up to you! i think both can work, though i must say the idea of the reader being just some random person is really funny. like can you imagine? you get some haunted virus but the ghost is chill an you guys become friends

i do think ben can only mess with devices, i dont think he can mess with like. any internet browser stuff.... which segways me to my next idea; the og creepypasta came out in 2010, majoras mask came out in 2000, so putting it in the middle lets say ben died in 2005.. bro has missed a lot. youre going to have to fill him in on a lot of stuff, and boy let me tell you hes going to be going nuts

tell him about the new legend of zelda games. i think he would be hyped. throwing admins hc of ben being sick and tired of LOZ due to being trapped in the game out the window, admin needs this boy to get joyous!

he probably pesters you and asks you about the dumbest shit, does it on purpose because he thinks its funny

sometimes you guys play video games together, bro is absolutely astounded by how far games have come since he passed away. i think he would go insane over five nights at freddys. fill him in on the lore

going back on the video game stuff and playing together, just know that hes going to break the game and cheat + hes a sore loser, soooooooo...

do you think sometimes he comes and tries to spend time with you more and more over time because hes been stuck for years and hasnt really had many people to talk to? like yeah hes an angry spirit, but even angry spirits deserve friends!!!

ponders

probably messes with you by messing with your recordings if youre trying to make a video/tiktok/reel/what have you

probably interjects his own texts into your posts, never really says anything harmful, just messes with spelling or adds dumb messages

honestly its not your SM account/blog, its yalls shared account/blog now/j

stuck with old 2000s humor but i think he would absolutely love present day humor and how unhinged its gotten, though quick warning hes going to start quoting stuff

definitely quotes the sticking out your gyatt thing, hes going to drive you insane with it and hes going to laugh at you

do not play roblox tycoons with him hes going to bully small children

you guys play a horror game together on roblox and you can hear him freaking out through the speakers (likely using an old device for him so youre not fighting for control over one device)

absolutely DEVASTED when you tell him club penguin shut down

just know hes punching the metaphorical wall

on the rare chance ben is able to pull himself into the real world for a brief period of time, you guys probably do the same stuff hes just physically there for a short time!

make him touch grass while hes out, bro hasnt touched grass in nearly 20 years. this isnt even a haha "hes chronically online" joke, he hasnt actually touched grass in years due to circumstances

closing this with a hit of angst that made me go :( but imagine that it starts out as you guys being around the same age (well... close enough, since ben doesnt age anymore due to being a ghost) but overtime, you obviously grow up and have less and less time for him and :(

like owie

"what happened to us? we used to be best friends?" audio but its you two SOBS AND CRIES

[mass-convergence]

On Criminal Minds and Stuff

Okay this started out as a thing about what I thought about how the more recent seasons (post Mr. Scratch but pre-Evolution) handled JJ and Emily’s friendship/dynamic … and then it spiraled out of control into a whole analysis on the most recent seasons in general. So excuse the disorganized thoughts here - coming off of a night shift and also I’m typing this on my phone. It is what it is.

I would like to see more of the dynamic between JJ and Emily as close friends, I feel like that’s been somewhat lacking in the most recent seasons pre-Evolution. JJ freaking got shot (and died for a second … honestly surprised she wasn’t laid up for longer but that’s TV for you) and given how close those two were in previous seasons - you would think there would be more screen time to Emily’s reaction to JJ getting shot. JJ helped arrange Emily’s fake death and Emily literally flew her ass back to Quantico from London when JJ got kidnapped. I know Emily is the queen of compartmentalization but … idk … I feel like we should have gotten something other than a brief scene where Emily shows up at the hospital to ask JJ if she could confirm if Grace was the one who shot her. Doesn’t even show the interaction either - Emily just shows up and says she’s going to talk to JJ and that’s it. I remember when Garcia got shot and everyone on the team was in that waiting room even though her shooter was on the loose. (Guess thats what fanfic’s for 🤷🏻)

Also on the vein of JJ getting shot - and this is me being somewhat nitpicky about how this was written but:

How the fuck did no one notice JJ was missing … or not hear the gun going off in that parking garage? I feel like that was written solely so Reid could notice and go find her and I found that entire progression of events very clunky. How JJ got shot was a little dumb too. JJ is a veteran FBI agent at this point; she probably wouldn’t have bent over to pick up the gun, which necessitated her taking her attention away from the two unsecured suspects who already proved themselves to be pretty dangerous. I feel like she’d have called for someone and kept her gun trained on the two. It wasn’t like she was in the middle of nowhere. It was just … kind of stupidly written? I read that she got shot in this episode before I watched it - and I had envisioned some kind of active shoot out situation where a bunch more people were involved and JJ got hit by a lucky (or I suppose unlucky) shot. Not JJ standing alone in a parking garage with zero backup and making the dumbest choice imaginable that just doesn’t seem to fit with her character at all. She’s a trained FBI agent - that’s not a mistake she would have made. Like what the fuck that was kind of stupid I’m sorry.

Also - I’m not saying that the show should write JJ and Emily getting together. As much as I do ship them romantically and love reading fic about them together … I also do like the concept of those two just having a strong platonic bond because as an ace person: I need more representations of that shit in media okay? Not everyone needs to be jumping each other’s bones.

Tbh the lack of intrateam romances was what drew me to this show in the first place. This team’s seen the worst that humanity has to offer and they have each other’s backs like a family and I love that. I love those small moments where they’re just hanging out as a team at the bar or watching their boss run in a race (while a bunch of them are hungover from Girl’s Night). It’s not an MCU Avengers situation where they feel like they’re all coworkers who vaguely hate each other. The BAU team’s a tight knit group and they love and support each other (which is what bothered me with how JJ getting shot was written - we had an entire episode dedicated to Garcia getting shot and the team’s response to that. You’re telling me Reid was the only guy who was in that waiting room - I get the Chameleon was at large and stuff but seriously no one else on the BAU team other than Reid was in that waiting room at least for a little bit).

I just feel like some of that team as a family dynamic has been pushed to the side in favor of writing about vaguely omnipotent serial killer #47282727 who has developed some kind of obsession or grudge with the BAU. Yes the multi episode super smart and competent serial killers were great to see but I don’t need that rehashed every season. Sometimes a terrifying dude whose case takes up back to back episodes before he (or she) is caught in the season opener would be fine. And that unsub’s only issue with the BAU is that they’re trying to stop him. At a certain point it’s like Marvel movies trying to treat a world ending threat like a serious thing when that’s been the plot of the past ten movies. Not everything needs to be a grand plotline. Sometimes the stakes can be small but feel just as important as a world ending threat.

Like Cyrus? Terrifying cult leader. Great. We didn’t need to have his cult re-emerge again (and somehow escape detection for all these years).

… I also have my thoughts on how Emily as Unit Chief has been written in the episodes I’ve seen (again haven’t watched Evolution yet but I’m very much looking forward to the episode where she gets high). I think that’s why I liked “Saturday” because we kind of got that glimpse of her personality that I loved in the earlier seasons. Maybe because she was out of her role as unit chief so she didn’t have to have that somewhat aloof air of professionalism and ultra-competency. She could just be Emily and eat eight (sorry, seven) donuts and drink wine … and also get sued by her former neighbor and not make the greatest decision in how to handle it.

I love this show, it got me through high school and it was one of the driving factors to me getting a job with the federal government as a civil servant who’s job is to protect the public. Not that I do anything as badass as the BAU, I sit at a desk and according to some people: I get paid to be wrong all the time. Like my current career path isn’t 100% because of Criminal Minds but I can’t deny that the whole concept of being part of a group that helps protect people didn’t nudge me in that direction. Basically - this show meant a lot and still means a lot to me even if I lost touch with it for a few years. I never get tired of going back to the old seasons and rewatching my favorite episodes.

This show just clicked for me. I always aspired to be like Emily, mainly for a stupid “we shared the same first name at some point before I realized some stuff about my gender identity” reason but she also resonated with me as someone who felt like she didn’t quite belong when she first joined the BAU and tried super hard to prove herself. Like that describes my entire state of being from elementary school until now (I’ve only just started really believing my coworkers when they tell me I’m doing a good job and I’m a valuable asset to the office). I looked up to her and I still do.

I wish I had a friend like JJ. Probably wouldn’t need her assistance in faking my own death unless something goes truly off the rails in my life. But I dunno, she just so kind and warm and caring and also a total badass (though, again - I don’t know if I’ve seen too much of that side of her in the more recent seasons and it’s kind of sad). I’m not saying I don’t have friends irl like that but idk, I just wish I had a friend like her.

I looked up to Reid as someone who’s had many of his socially awkward tendencies, but he was always not afraid to be himself and I found that amazing. As someone who’s felt like they’ve had to mask their neurodivergence - sometimes I’m like “but I could be like Reid and just … be myself”.

I could go on about Hotch, Rossi, Garcia, and Morgan - even Alex Blake who I feel like people didn’t really like at first (not sure about her current standing in the fandom … I think people have warmed to her - I just happened to be in that era where god forbid a woman show up and “replace” the fandom favorite or get in the way of a ship that was never going to canonically sail).

This post/essay/ramble has gone on for long enough though … even though I have plenty more thoughts. I like how this show actually pulled me out of this weird depressive funk I’ve been in for the past half year and I actually care about things again. I’m sure there were other factors involved with that but watching a childhood favorite was certainly a contributing factor. I’m going to go do some Christmas-y shit that involves stuffing my face with whatever’s in my fridge and pass out now.

[earthstellar]

it is time to be old on the internet: TFP Ratchet's hatred of 2010 era human tech is hilarious

every time Ratchet complains about shitty human technology in TFP, it's so funny to me, that shit is so good

because, I mean, I grew up with the first computer in my house being a fucking Tandy 1000, which to be fair wasn't exactly the hottest model even then, but still LMAO

the first modem I ever messed with as a kid was the wood box phone receiver type, the acoustic coupler ones, which was my dad's, and he only had it because his job at a local university meant he could borrow one from their tech lab (so we didn't technically own it)

if I remember correctly, the one we had ran at 300 baud, which was fucking amazing for such a set up at the time. slightly later AOL dial up looked like lightning speed compared to that shit.

my first chat rooms were BBS/Usenet (whenever I could connect) and IRC chats. now everyone has Discord and I still don't understand how that shit works lmao but that's more of a me problem and less of an age problem, I think

we got dial up (in the "modern" sense of it being AOL dial up service with the infamous hell noises) in my household in 1994, back when it was pretty much a brand new thing (at least for AOL), and I remember the Eternal September Usenet rush, lmao

imagine if TFP took place in the 80s/90s, oh my god

(I'm assuming TFP takes place in roughly 2010 because that's when the show premiered, and Miko has some kind of Razr-inspired flip phone, so if we assume it's supposed to be based on the first model of Razr, then at the earliest that places the show in 2004)

Ratchet would have gone completely insane with old school internet capable consumer level human tech

Ratchet: "How do I look at photos on this monitor?"

80s Raf: "what"

Ratchet: "what"

oh god now I want an 80s/90s TFP AU so fucking bad. imagine 80s Raf. it's so good

oh god, IMAGINE 90s RAF. just getting traumatised by terrifying shitty mid-90s FMV horror games. this poor boy. but imagine his hype when the PS1 would come out in the USA in 1995. the hype would be so fucking real. lmao

also for those of you who are Younger and Blessed With Good Internet From An Early Age, if you want a good idea of old school internet shit, go ahead and watch WarGames (1983) and look up 2600 Magazine and Mondo 2000 if you don't already know about those.

(personally I consider WarGames and Hackers (1995) to be the two best simultaneously dumbest and best movie depictions of computer bullshit in their respective eras, although Hackers was more of a thing that informed cyber culture after it released rather than reflecting actual hacker culture as it was at that exact time but anyway, please watch them if you have not seen them already, you will love this shit lmao)

I assume almost all of you already know about this stuff, but just in case, I want to mention it. those two movies are really good. lol

anyway, Ratchet dealing with early internet. early shitty human tech. or at least the 90s shit. imagine Ratchet having to listen to the fucking dial up screeching. the kids having to look through geocities webrings to see if any images of the bots had been leaked on any conspiracy websites. just 10/10 lmaooo

"I hate talking to machines" Ratchet, buddy, you have NO IDEA how bad it could have been!!!

anyway I'm old, I guess that's the point of this post LOL

[frostyreturns]

"the tinfoil comes off when you have to imagine the government as smart." This is one of the responses to my post about government having access to technology far beyond the general public. This is a pretty common dismissal of conspiracies and it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard every time I hear it.

A.) What you think the government is and what the government actually is are two different things. This attitude only works if you actually believe the puppet they parade in front of a camera is in charge. Can you honestly tell me you believe that, for example Joe Biden a demented old fuck that doesn't even know where he is...is the one writing and enacting policy right now? You have no idea how smart or how dumb the people in charge are because you don't even know who they are. There's video footage of him signing laws where he says the words "I have no idea what I'm signing." But sure I guess if you're dumb enough to think guys like him are the government I guess thinking the government is too stupid to plan stuff makes sense. The government has so much power and so much control over your life that this idea that they are just too incompetent to plan anything is beyond ridiculous.

Bureaucracy is just one part of government and yeah they're going to have incompetent workers maybe even more than the general public but to say the people in charge are too dumb to plan anything...come on. They were smart enough to trick you into allowing them to steal from you every week, to control your entire education and to be able to send armed men to kill or imprison you if you do anything they don't like.

B.) You know Hanlons razor "never attribue to malice what can be explained by stupidity" well that's retard shit go ahead and reject that premise in totality because reality is actually the opposite of that, the world is full of malice especially when you look to the upper echelons of power....those people are all psychopaths.

You have made the mistake of assuming the terrible things they do are because of stupidity and that they just keep screwing things up by mistake...the screwing up is very intentional. Every socialist policy maker who claims "oh I'm raising the minimum wage 5 bucks to fight inflation because I care about the poor" knows 100% that they are causing inflation and that it will make life harder for everyone and especially hard for the poor. They know...they want your life to be harder, they want money and power and wish you harm. It's not a bug it's a feature.

They knew when they went on tv and said get this shot it will save your life and your grandmas life...they knew they would be injecting you with heart attack cancer juice, that was pure unbridled malice, not stupidity.

C.) You understand it's not DMV employees and politicians doing science for the government right? You do understand that when I say the government has tech we don't it's not because I think Justin Trudeau figured out AI before google right? They use those private companies as contractors to develop technology and then control how it is accessed used and if and when and how it is released to the public. Or they just hire the smartest people to do R and D directly for them. Like when they invented the internet at DARPA. But usually they just swoop in and take what they want that someone else created. People also have this idea that major corporations and the government are separate competing entities when they're not. They dump funding into companies and install CEOs and board members to control them. Google for example only exists because of the government, oh did you think google does whatever the government wants purely coincidentally? The idea of corporations vs government is a fantasy that should have been even more apparent during 2020 when the will of the state was summarily executed by virtually every corporation on the planet.

The idea that people still think the government is separate from corporations after minimum wage employees at walmart were tasked with being bouncers at the door and making sure everyone was wearing a mask had their injection and weren't standing too close to each other because the government told them to ...is ridiculous. 2020 should have been the death of the "private company can do what they want" nonsense.

D.) We tend to use ourselves as barometers of what others are capable of but the problem is there are ways of life and being that are totally foreign to us. Many assume because they are not smart or sociopathic enough to collude and scheme to achieve power and control over others...then nobody must be like that. You went to public school smoked weed the whole time and learned how to write in cursive poorly...I don't think your experience is the same as someone who was born into wealth and power and can spend every minute of their life for generations learning how to keep and amass more wealth and power. You have no idea what it's like to have everything you could ever ask for, all the money you could have to indulge any whim and get weird and disconnected because of it and to feel entitled and superior and spend your days trying to exert your will on the rest of the world. That's not even going into any secret cults or organizations...which are also a thing.

Embracing the tinfoil is the only rational way to proceed with what we know. The only alternative is comfortable delusion. And this wasn't even about a wild or hard to swallow reality...it was just the notion that the government is ahead of the consumer market with technology...that's not even a conspiracy it's a demonstrable fact.