#only to be disappointed that there is not some greater answer he missed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bitchimasnake-sss · 2 months ago

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☆ meddle about!

synopsis: sae itoshi was the man for you. there was not one single game of his that you had missed. so, obviously when you had bumped into itoshi rin in that halloween party, you asked him to introduce you to sae. of course, he can. the only problem is that the younger itoshi needs a favour for a favour. pairing: afab!reader x itoshi rin [aged up.] wc: 4.5k cw: NOT PROOFREAD. WRITTEN JUST CAUSE. MDNI. includes: cunnilingus, blowjob, overstimulation, rin's kinda dark at the start, fwb-ish, they're both lowkey dumb and rin's COMMUNICATION ISSUES 🗣️🔊. that's it <3 part 02. m.list

"oh my god, are you itoshi rin?" were the very first words you had uttered when you had bumped into the pro-soccer player the very first time.

he quirked up an eyebrow at your recognition and the dim lighting overhead paled his sculpted face. his lower lashes casted streaky shadows on the plane of his cheeks as he dragged his drink up to his lips. his eyes locked onto yours and he just...nodded at you, as if examining you, "hm."

"holy shit, you're..." your words pitched up at his confirmation, "s-sae itoshi's brother?!"

and something so seemingly innocent in those words made rin pause mechanically. his joints ached, jaw clenching mindlessly as he allowed himself to linger his drink close to his lips.

eyeing you, he vaguely wondered if you could tell his knuckles were whitening against the flimsy glass in his palms, whether you could see as his eyes turn spiteful? could you tell the throbbing build-up in his temple at the mention of his brother?

but of course you couldn't, staring at him so fucking doe-eyed.

so utterly giddy at the idea of getting to see sae, you didn't even bother taking in rin's appearance — of his absolute disgust at your enquiry — and kept looking at him with those seemingly innocent eyes. were you so stupid or was sae so much greater than him?

truth be told, rin didn't want to find out the answer eitherways.

nonethless, he pressed his lips into a thin line, words a soft clash against the glass on his lips, "that's me, yeah. sae's... brother."

"oh my god," you clasped your hands together, your cleavage peeking through the sultry outfit you had put on for the halloween night. irises molded into hearts, you leaned towards rin, "is sae around?"

you kept babbling. something about being sae's biggest fan and never missing even one match of his, something about football or whatever. whatever. really, whatever.

because how was itoshi rin supposed to pay attention as that skin-tight fabric practically clung onto your body like a second skin? the dips, the highs and lows, all highlighted so clearly against the thin fabric, so, how was itoshi rin not supposed to check you out? how was itoshi rin not supposed to burn up with jealousy as you still kept raving on and on and on about his goddamn fucking brother.

his grasp on the glass tightened, the object feeling so utterly weak under his strong hold. you kept looking at him, expecting him to say: yes! sae is here. wanna meet him? or some equally stupid shit.

but of course, he didn't say that. instead, he cleared his throat and brought his gaze up to your eyes.

"no," rin finally admitted, putting his glass down at the counter behind him with reckless abandon, "he didn't come."

"oh," you grew quieter, "he didn't?"

and something about the way your giddy eyes downturned made rin shift uncomfortably in his clothing. it made him feel... good? he tugged at the fitted black shirt, tried to shift it around so as to ignore the soft disappointment in your voice — tried to ignore, yes — cause your pathetic whines were going straight to his dick.

he grew half-disgusted at himself.

what the fuck was he doing? toying with some girl over his older brother? this was so utterly childish that it wasn't even rin itoshi anymore but... when your saddened eyes met his, he couldn't lie it lit something within him that had been in deep slumber — this burning curiosity, this desire, this utter need to have you ruined under his palms till you forgot who the fuck sae itoshi even was.

"you guys don't go to parties together?" you asked again, your hands falling limply down so to show your disappointment physically.

"yeah," he nodded, words somehow lighter at your distraught state, "we don't. "

"yeah, well i guess.. that makes sense." you smiled nonetheless, trying to be polite. "well, it was fun meeting you though, rin. have fun, see ya later."

you walked away, your hips swaying as the fabric bunched and shifted across the swell of your hips and ass. the dim lighting bathed you in a enticing, forbidden glow and how was rin itoshi not supposed to have you whole for himself? sae be damned. sae be fucking damned.

"wait." rin's heavy voice reached you and you looked over your shoulder to meet his teal eyes in the crowded party. he inched closer, snaking his way just as easily as he did on the field. the crowd faded away behind steady rhythms and flickering lights with each step nearer to you.

his cool words blared over the song playing in the background, "do you want to meet sae?"

alcohol pounding through your body rather than blood, limbs carrying themselves light-weight as you wrapped an arm around your own self at his question. dumbfounded, you asked, "what?"

his voice was soft against the heated atmosphere, "you wanna meet sae?"

drawing your hazy gaze upto him, you blinked slowly. then, spluttering and confused, you nodded, "c-can i?"

"yeah," rin nodded, his velvety voice dragging against your skin, "but... you know both him and i are busy, right?"

you nodded dumbfoundedly as if it was obvious how busy they might be, being international players and all.

"hm," rin hummed, his gaze faltering against your smooth skin before he composed himself to meet your eyes, "i can help you meet sae, but..."

"but...?" you repeated slowly.

he leaned in, his words so soft against the loud background music, "i need something in return." he pulled back again, meeting your eyes unabashed, "y'know what i want?"

and with the way his fingers were digging into your wrist so warm, the way his words were playing against your soft skin so desperately, you didn't need to ask him twice. voice breathy, you inched closer to him, "y-yes?"

★ the first meet. pucker up your lips and pay-up!

"play it cool." his cool voice reverberated through the luxurious, polished car interiors. a hand kneaded at your hips so softly despite his gruff words, despite his desperate ruts into the cool air.

"i know! 'm not stupi—" you tried to reason, but rin pulled your face downwards, pushing his erection past your lips. shit.

the man almost collapsed backwards in the driver's seat as your sultry tongue came in contact with his hot tip. a wayward shiver passed him by and he raked his skilled hands through your hair to move your pretty, glossed lips over his shaft.

"ri—" your words were mere mumbles around him, the sounds choked up by his sheer girth in your mouth.

"shh, don't talk." the man rasped, softly pulling at your scalp to guide you to take him in further.

your eyes climbed up his figure — up his half-open trousers, his black shirt that was tugged upwards to flash you his milky v-line and abs so so sinfully, up his flushed face and fluttering eyelashes.

as your eyes bore into his teal-hued ones, you sucked on his tip. feeling the salty pre on your tongue, you swirled your tongue and rin brought up a hand to his pretty eyes so as to shield himself from your utterly lewd view.

as he caught his bottom lip by his teeth, groans caught so lewdly in his throat, you found your panties soak. the slick beaded at your throbbing core, dripping the fabric so obscenely as you sucked off your favourite player's younger brother.

your breaths synced — his stuttered and yours muffled — as did your action. each slow, thorough suck off earned you restless rutting off his hips. for a internationally recognized footballer who was known for his command on the field, rin itoshi was uncharacteristically malleable under your mouth and tongue.

"fuck—" he sucked in a harsh breath, eyes clenching harder and he gripped the dashboard in front of him in a vain effort to collect his composure.

as his breath grew more laboured, your thighs squirmed and pressed together. the adorable matching set you had adorned this morning seemed to wet itself to ruination as rin's hips snapped up and thrusted his erection further into your mouth.

technically, this situation shouldn't even make you feel half as aroused as you do right now. he was using you by dangling sae itoshi like a prize in front of you but... how did it even matter? how did it even matter as his hips stuttered uncharacteristically and he forced your head down to further accommodate himself within your hot mouth? how did it matter as his cum spluttered down your throat and he groaned out a mixtures of pretty words — none of your name, though.

eyes boring into his, you saw the player huff out masked symphonies as sweat beaded across his forehead. you let go of his cock with an experienced pop, putting on a display for the man that just came undone with your mouth alone.

"so—" he stopped himself, trying to clear his throat. you kept looking up at him, knee deep in the passenger seat as if awaiting feedback.

"uh..." rin swept his heady gaze across your pretty face, "that was good..?"

"thankyou..?" you smiled a bit lopsided before dragging yourself up to sit beside him on the passenger seat. you waited a minute, taking in the intoxicating smell of sex in the car before looking at rin sideways, "should we go in?"

"y-yeah, we will." the man cleared his throat again, looking out of the parking lot, "give me a moment. i- need to look decent."

"are you sure we can keep sae waiting?" you asked so innocently that it had rin clenching his fist. fuck sae!

"yeah, 's not like he's some celebrity?" rin bit back, and you itched to correct him by reminding that sae itoshi was indeed, a celebrity. but you didn't. instead, shutting up and waiting patiently like he asked.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨

"sae," rin called out to his older brother, making the redhead look over his shoulder.

"finally." the former u-20 star-player followed you two with his cold gaze, "you finally show up. been waiting here forever."

"sorry," rin said, though it felt as though a formality, "got caught up with something." and you didn't miss the side-eye rin gave you with those words.

"anyways," rin pulled your chair back, making an effort to be the one seated next to you in that four-dining table, "this is my friend, say hello."

"oh?" the older itoshi gave you a polite smile as if noticing you the first time since you both came, "nice to meet you, i'm sae itoshi." as if he needed to introduce himself?!

"hi!" you tried to hide the obviously feral grinning threatening to break across your lips. you should play it cool. even though you were meeting your most favourite player, the person you had adored for longer than you could remember, you should still really play it cool! that's what rin had said, afterall.

you tried to command the slight stammer in your voice, "i- um, love you-" a sharp elbow under the table from rin had you reeling your words back, "i-not you, but like your gameplays."

"oh?" sae nodded, clasping his hands together as if scrutinizing you, "you watch soccer?"

"i do." you nodded, albeit a bit too excited despite the recent fuck-up, "and i totally love your team."

"have you ever seen us in person?" the man asked politely, and you clasped your hands together in excitement, "not yet but i've been saving up! hopefully soon!!"

you leaned forward to ask another stupid question and rin's heated gaze fell to your chest. the soft swell fell forward through the sundress you wore and even though it shouldn't fucking matter, rin itoshi almost clenched his fists under the table at the prospect of his brother catching that view — almost as if it was reserved for only him.

the redhead smiled politely, and rin stared daggers at sae so that he may not stare at your chest. the redhead nodded, oblivious to your tempting cleavage, "that's really nice of you. if you ever come, please do meet us after the game."

"is this an official permission?" you asked, laughing and sae shrugged, "of course, and i always give priorities to rin's friends."

sae momentarily looked at rin, only to find the raven-head staring at him. rin itoshi commanded his eyes to convey an important message to his brother: do NOT stare at her tits or so god help me.

meanwhile, is he still going through his emo phase? sae wondered, i thought that ended at 16?

eitherways, through mismatched telepathy and much polite chit-chat, the lunch ended. rin itoshi was even kind enough to drop you to your apartment, claiming that it was rude to let you go alone.

that's it. that's the reason. because it was rude and rin itoshi was a gentleman. no other reason.

atleast that's what rin itoshi himself wanted to believe.

★ the second meet. no.1 fan (of that kitty)!

"no fucking way." you punctuated each word with a slight more widening of your eyes.

"is it that big of a fuckin' deal?" the younger itoshi quipped up, leaning back on his couch as he stared up at you. "it's lukewarm shit."

"for you, maybe?!" your voice pitched up, eyes staring onto that seemingly-normal piece of paper that had your name, business class and flight details: TOKYO -> SPAIN. etched onto it, "you brought me tickets to sae's next football match?" you mouthed the next words as if they were forbidden, "biz-ness cl-a-ss?"

you were pacing in rin's penthouse — because he insisted, it was a 'pap-free zone' — as he was perched upon his couch and dismissed your arguments with a flick of his finger.

"for the nth time, no." rin slowed his tone as if you were dumb, sitting up straighter on his couch, "i get these tickets for free and i thought i'd just give it to you because you were dying for them."

"but, seri-seriously?!"

"they don't cost me shit." the man huffed, looking up at you through half-lidded gaze, "why would i spend my own money on you? it's not like you're my girlfriend."

"i-i am not." you nodded, your voice wavering but your argument strong as ever, "but, still, you don't have to—"

"—who says i'm doing it out of the goodwill of my heart?" rin cut you off, and his words spent the gears of your brain churning. oh.

"we have an arrangement," he raised an eyebrow, "or did you forget?"

"i didn't." you paused, and before he could ask you, you put the ticket down on the coffee table and brought your hairtie up to your hair to tie it up.

rin observed you, like a predator awaiting its prey — manspreaded on the couch, leaning back, observing and observing — before muttering, "what are you doing?"

"y-you want a blowjob... right?" your hands stilled in your hair, mouth falling ajar slowly, "right?"

"no."

"th-then?" scenarios ran through your mind, blood rushing so fast through every nerve-tip that you almost felt light-headed at his intentions. he didn't wanna fuck fuck you, right?

rin itoshi stood up, walking towards you with a gleaming hunger lingering in his eyes. your breath hitched, feet planted helplessly onto one place as he drew closer. as he stared you down, your voice wavered, "w-what?"

your mouth grew dry at his silence and you tried to retain a little of what was left of your sanity by babbling, "i- i'm not ready for—"

"—for?" rin repeated, amused at your disheveled state. and you just swallowed, meeting his eyes almost dazed, "i don't know."

at your blunt statement, rin laughed; something breathy and quiet, "what're you babbling on about?"

"i- dunno..?" feeling somewhat stupid at his dismissive state.

his eyes were fierce and a sharp look from you to the couch had desire pooling through your jelly-like limbs, "on the couch. now."

the next you knew, rin itoshi had his thick arms against your thighs in a lethal chokehold. your soft skin felt like it'll bruise against his unrelenting grip as his nose rubbed against your throbbing, wet clit and his tongue fucked in and out of your dripping, velvety hole. his eyes were closed in bliss, only fluttering eyelashes and a deep blush left in his wake — oh, and three orgasms that had you as fucked out as a ragdoll!

"r-rin," you gasped, fingers tugging at his strands so utterly desperate to make him stop except... not really. you didn't want the warm sensation of his breath against your hot core to stop or for his fingers to stop kneading at the fat of your thigh, and you definitely didn't want him to stop fucking you out at the tip of his tongue. but nonetheless, with no purpose whatsoever, you called out for him in a wrecked mewl, "ri-rin."

"hm?" he felt his careless affirmation vibrate against your overstimulated cunt, the result of which had you clenching around his tongue so hotly. you writhed under him, you called out his name, your nails dug within his scalp and truth be told, all of it went straight to his aching dick.

see, rin itoshi considered himself to be a man who's head was screwed on straight. he didn't get flustered, he didn't lose control, nor did he lose sight of his goal but now... it felt like the man was thinking more out of his lewd appendage than his head. he was holding onto his sanity just so barely, holding onto his sanity just by avoiding looking at you.

rin knew if he opened his eyes and saw your face all flushed and wrecked and he realized he was the cause of your ruination then he may or may not lose his mind entirely. clenching his eyes shut and making you cum on his tongue for the nth time was a much more pleasant option — no, much more self-respectable option.

"rin, rin, rin— i c-can't. ple-please c'mon— riN!" his name fell past your lips like a chant and your back arched against the expensive couch once again. toes curled, voice hoarse, nails dug into his scalp, and rin felt like he was the one getting overstimulated beyond belief with the way you squirmed against him and tried to break apart.

"stay still." rin husked, his voice so foreign even to himself as he dived in and latched his lips against your inviting, swollen clit. you tasted divine, and the man rut his hips desperately against the fabric of his sweats to come undone with nothing more than your moans and your taste.

as you came, your essence pooled out of you and rin lapped at the nectar as if he had been a man ravished and you had been the last meal on earth. when your body slumped and rin was done with his torture, he sat back for barely a moment before... running to the bathroom..?

no words exchanged, no compliments or reassurance or nothing?! the younger itoshi just ran to the bathroom?!

"r-rin?" your weak voice called after the pro-player as he abandoned you in your sweaty, spent stage. you tried again, only to be left to your own company without even a reply back from him.

you knew what rin itoshi wanted from you was physical but to leave you like this?! this wasn't even the 'a' of aftercare?! what. the. fuck???

but even if you wanted to judge him, your body had simply robbed you of that joy. your thoughts were mushy, your hips ached with the lack of warmth and your cunt clenched around cold air as you waited for him. eventually, moments passed and your shaky vision faded into a comfortable darkness as you fell asleep.

the next morning you woke to a luxurious bath, pre-made breakfast, a bath drawn out and an empty apartment. all that was left from rin was a text: Had practice early today. Made you food, so, eat up. Drew you a bath, too. See you later. Itoshi Rin x

what an asshole.

needless to say, you didn't eat his food or shower at his place. as you walked back home, you kept being plagued by thoughts of rin, and not the good kind.

your fist clenched and unclenched, jaw tightening each time you thought back to yesterday. what does he think?! yeah, sure, maybe your relationship was purely physical. that was fine. and sure, you got favours out of him, too. but for him to act like you didn't even exist outside of sexual favours? for him to not even talk to you after he was done?? rin itoshi was such a prick, no wonder his brother overshadowed him.

as you walked on, you couldn't help but remember how he acted after the first time you gave him head too, all cold and distant. each incident of his nonchalance made you want to sink your teeth into something and draw blood — preferably, his throat.

oh! and he had his eyes shut the entire time yesterday too!! as if, he didn't wanna see your face while doing it. your conscious seemed to remind you, as if adding fuel to the fire.

that's it. being a woman of some self-respect you should walk away. really! you should tear open the ticket he had bought you and then tell him to fuck off and then never see his stupid, beautiful annoying, ungrateful face again!

you were lost in your thoughts as a car came to a crawl next to you on the sidewalk. a jarring horn broke you out of your mental hate-rant to look over to a black porsche.

the tinted windows rolled downwards and the very subject of your hate-rant stared at you, "what're you doing here?"

you turned your head to a side as if to avoid looking at him. fuck rin itoshi!

"hey?" he said louder, "what's up with you?" at no further response, rin rolled his eyes, "fine, can you atleast get in the car?"

"no."

"just get in."

"no."

"what half-baked shit are you on again?"

"i should be asking you," you tried to keep your voice even, "what are you doing here?"

"i was driving back home." he answered coolly, still driving his car slow enough to match your angry pace. he sighed, "where are you walking to?"

"my apartment, obviously."

"it's pretty far off." you knew that, of course. you lived in the other side of the city, away from this posh locality that seemed to harbour people with sticks up their asses and luxury cars in their parkings. rin tried again, his voice uncharacteristically soft, "let me drop you."

"no."

"oh my go—" rin cut himself off, trying again, "just get in the car and we can talk."

you stopped, turning fully towards the man and his awfully polished and nice car. walking towards the rolled down window, you bent to meet rin's eye, "why don't you leave me alone?"

"wh-" rin's eyes widened and for the first time, the cool nonchalant mask slipped off to reveal a confused twenty-something, "did i do something to piss you off?"

"i dunno." you huffed, "did you?"

"if i did, let's talk about it—"

"—there's nothing to talk about." in your rage-induced state, you fished your hand through you overpacked purse, looking for the piece of paper that had you all excited yesterday. this was your moment to get some of that self-respect back! yes!! you go girl!!

once you felt the sturdy paper in your hand, you pulled it out — along with a tangled pair of earphones and a opened packet of gum. shoving the rest of the things back in your purse with a silent curse, you thrust the ticket in rin's confused face, "you can have it back. i don't want it."

"what?" the man bore his eyes into your face, trying to conclude if you had gone mad or if he was just really bad at understanding social cues.

"if i wanted to see sae, i will buy a ticket myself and go." you shoved the paper in his face again, "i don't need your help. not anymore."

and with that, you walked away! good on you, leaving that rich prick alone with his ticket.

except, not really?

you heard heavy footsteps following behind you till rin was standing square in front of you. his hair was wet, eyes confused as he stared down at you in the middle of that posh-ass street.

"what." you asked, meaning to sound harsher than you looked.

"keep this." he held the paper up, "i gave it to you."

"i just told you." you slowed your words down, "i don't need your help anymore."

as you tried to brush past him, his nimble fingers took hold of your wrist, tugging you back to look at him. he stressed his words, "then don't."

despite the heated disagreement, both of your gazes fell down to look at where he held your wrist. and at the sudden realization that he was holding your hand, rin let go as if it physically hurt to touch you.

"i-" he snuck in a quick breath, "if you don't want my help anymore, that's fine. but we— you held up your part of the deal yesterday. if i take this back now, it'll make me feel like an asshole who just used you."

didn't he though?! okay, maybe not, but it sure felt like it.

"p-please." rin tried again and something about the uncertainty in his tone made you feel as though it was his first time begging someone for something.

rin closed his eyes with a sigh, holding the paper out for you again, "you held up your part of the deal, so, let me hold onto mine. just this once, okay? then, we're strangers." his teal eyes met yours in a cruel dance, "i promise."

"fine." you sighed, resigned and held the paper back in your hand, "just this once."

"yeah." rin nodded slowly, and you nodded back, "okay, then."

you turned around, not bothering to wait for his reply, "see you never, i suppose."

never? girl, you speak too soon. because when you boarded that plane from Haneda-Tokyo airport a week later, an awfully familiar man sitting next to you.

"what the fuck?!" at your abrupt admission, the air hostess showing you your seat froze. you apologized, and sat on your seat, waiting for the crowd to clear before turning to the familiar raven-head.

"what're you doing here?!"

"what?" rin itoshi flipped through a sports magazine, reading through the neatly printed lines as if your argument was second priority.

"what are you doing here?" you asked again, hushing you voice down as passengers occupied their seats around you two.

"i bought the tickets?" he said it as if it were a fact — which, it was, but still. rin looked at you sideways, "did you think you were travelling all the way to spain alone?"

"y-yes?" you replied, exasperated at his question and he replied coolly, "well, you thought wrong."

at your fuming face, rin just shrugged, "calm down, it's gonna be a long flight."

oh my god, fuck rin itoshi!

a/n: part 02. is up! alright, i feel like the smut is very weak in this one but hey, uni got me by the throat okay?? (lies, i just rot in bed and sleep.) anyways, i live to write the most silliest, stupidest fucking fiction known to man. i am a jester and the world is my oyster. that being said, i do wanna write a part 2 though [so that rin can cause more communication issues and the reader can get dicked down haha], so, if anyone wants to see it, let me know mwuah mwuah xoxo

#blue lock #bllk #blue lock smut #bllk smut #rin itoshi #itoshi rin #rin itoshi smut #itoshi run smut #rin smut #itoshi rin x reader #sae itoshi #itoshi sae #rin itoshi x reader #rin itoshi x reader smut #itoshi rin smut #blue lock manga #blue lock x reader #blue lock x reader smut

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actual-lea · 1 year ago

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I HAVE FOUND THE ANSWER

So I spent a bit of extra time (one might say extra extra time since it was at half speed) backtracking to get some of the stuff I missed in making a beeline for where I thought Elminster would be, but yesterday I FINALLY started making forward progress again.

Gale was thrilled.

Much like before, I more or less headed straight for the place most likely to trigger any new developments in this very stupid saga, which is obviously Moonrise Towers. (and also if there was a chance I could do the rest of the Shadow-Cursed Lands stuff NOT at half speed, well. that might be nice.)

And just as I crossed the threshold into the Moonrise Towers area (as soon as the location name popped up on the screen)

IT FINALLY HAPPENED

The game grabbed me Gale by the scruff like a misbehaving cat and said "NO"

"YOU WILL PROCEED NO FURTHER"

After 2 turns of "Gale is Paralysed", he "withered away", and the party was transported to camp along with the now very dead Gale. I used a Scroll of Revivify, and who should suddenly pop into existence the moment Gale has 1 HP again but ol' Cheese Grandpa himself.

He launched right into the regular ol' Elminster dialogue, starting from "Gale, m'boy, I've come to address a most pressing matter. I'll speak as plainly as I can, forswearing the accustomed frills that decorate my speech." Everything from there was just the same as if I was meeting him right before entering the Shadow-Cursed Lands, until the end, after he stabilized the orb - the following line comes right after "It is done. Both charge and charm have been committed into your care."

"A shame that we did not cross paths sooner. The orb's thirst for magic is now quenched, yet it already inflicted some damage while you tried to forge ahead."

"The ill effects may linger, I'm afraid. Not enough to hamper your mission, I hope."

And sure enough, once that conversation ended, Gale had the condition Arcane Hunger once again - the first of the three levels (regular, Greater, and Severe), AND since the orb is all stable now, I don't even have the option to consume anything to get rid of this status (there's no "Gale can consume this item" for magic artefacts in the Tooltips anymore, and the Consume option is gone), so I think it's a permanent debuff.

I did a little reloading and experimenting to see what would happen when you trigger this event with each of the different stages of Arcane Hunger, and it looks like Gale will be stuck with (regular) Arcane Hunger afterwards if you start with either Greater or Severe beforehand. I didn't get the extra lines when starting with only regular Arcane Hunger though, and the debuff was gone after the conversation ended.

(Naturally this does mean that upon reloading the final time, in order to avoid the debuff, Gale just sorta quickly wolfed down a hat and a pair of boots while standing right outside Moonrise Towers. I wonder if any of the guards saw. I wonder whether that would be a successful intimidation tactic, or very much the opposite of a successful intimidation tactic.)

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT, the end of this silly, silly quest. I'm actually a little disappointed that I won't get to play the entire remainder of the game while constantly on the verge of exploding, but alas. I'm just glad I'm finally able to JOG AGAIN

(Incidentally I spent a good half hour yesterday walking around while Encumbered without even realizing it because the movement speed is the same lol lmao)

So who wants to hear about the stupid stupid way I'm playing Baldur's Gate 3?

I made it to Act 3 on my first (original character) playthrough like a week before Patch 5 came out, and after finding it absolutely unplayable (on the PS5) decided it was time to go ahead and start an origin character run for the funsies while waiting on the new patch to fix the Lag Hell. Naturally, I picked Gale. Since this was mostly just for fun/to hold me over until I could continue my other file, I decided it would be a nice time to see what happens if you just refuse to consume any magic items. Of course, if you are not playing as Gale and ignore his Orb Problem, he will apparently eventually leave your party, but what if you ARE Gale? I couldn't find an answer with a minimal amount of Googling SO

There are three stages to his Arcane Hunger, each of which give you increasingly debilitating debuffs: Arcane Hunger, Greater Arcane Hunger, and Severe Arcane Hunger. It seems the triggers for progressing to the next stage are the same as the triggers where he would start needing an item in my other file (i.e. that bridge next to the Blighted Village, entering the temple at the Goblin Camp, the Hag's Lair, etc.) which obviously makes sense. I figure with the amount of contingencies in this game for incredibly specific situations, surely there is some kind of unique dialog or fun cutscene that will play if I ignore the Arcane Hunger long enough and just play through the debuffs.

I played Act 1 completely normally, doing a lil quicksave every time I was about to Long Rest just in case the game gave me a cutscene of the big explosion upon waking up (I thought maybe it would be time-based, similar to the game over you get if Gale dies and you leave him for 3 days (? I think?) which does not seem to be the case). I made it through basically everything without anything odd happening besides the aforementioned debuffs. The Severe Arcane Hunger is where things get really sloggy, because Gale can only move at half speed.

I have been slowly trudging EVERYWHERE since the Goblin Camp.

I eventually started going out of my way to make sure I hit all the Arcane Hunger triggers I know about, to see what would happen, and the answer is nothing, aside from Gale occasionally reminding me that he's wracked with terrible pain.

So, surely, the game will certainly not let me into the Mountain Pass without SOMETHING happening, right?

WELL

That's surprising, but whatever, at least now I have the chance to see what happens if you go meet Elminster without having consumed any magic items,

Except

He wasn't there.

I went to the area in the Mountain Pass where the cutscene is supposed to start, and it just. Didn't happen. Nothing happened. I could walk right up to the entrance to the next area.

But SURELY, the game won't let me into the gotdamn Shadow-Cursed Lands without saying SOMETHING about the fact that the orb has been starving for several weeks at this point, right? The game isn't going to let me into Act Freaking 2 without at the very least giving me a game over to tell me I'm not allowed to do this and make me reload and actually feed this poor starving wizard, right?

RIGHT?

WELL

Here we are. I'm at the Last Light Inn, I'm at the Taco Bell, I'm at the combination Last Light Inn Taco Bell with a bag full of delicious Cheesy Gordita Magic Boots that I refuse to eat.

SO LIKE. How far does this go??? Am I gonna be able to infiltrate Moonrise Towers without ever speaking to Elminster? Am I gonna trudge all the way to Ketheric at half freaking speed and fight him with Disadvantage on everything?? Am I gonna make it all the way to goddang Baldur's Gate with a Netherese orb that is long overdue to explode???

Like I said, I did not find an answer on what happens if you do this on a Gale Origin playthrough, and at this point, I don't even want to, I just want to see how far I can take this.

I already know I'll have to do another normal Gale playthrough where I actually FEED HIM after this, because I'm sure I've missed out on a ton of dialogue and whatnot, especially from Tara who only ever has this to say when I speak with her in camp:

I am genuinely beginning to wonder if there is actually nothing in place to stop me from doing this. I am wondering what the dialogue options will look like when I get to the "Heart of the Absolute" where Gale would ordinarily want to blow himself up, if Elminster had ever shown up to tell him to do so. Maybe the devs just didn't bother, and figured that no one would be stupid and stubborn enough to play through the whole dang thing while so severely debuffed.

Joke's on them, Disadvantage means NOTHING to Magic Missile Machine Gale Dekarios.

#baldur's gate 3 #gale dekarios #long post #what a ridiculous series of events #no gale dinner

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psychreviews2 · 10 months ago

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Flow in 7 steps - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

City life

Escape

When boredom and stress take over, due to life’s disappointments, people often look for anything to numb the pain. One of the heathier ways for me to escape was, getting outdoors. When one gets into a forest, or near mountains the lines aren’t so straight. The trails aren’t so predictable. The colours are refreshing. I can find new labels and perceptions that are relaxing and nourishing. The boredom and stress melts away as I go...hunting for Flow.

Stress and Boredom

I’ve had my highs and my lows in my escapes. Sometimes stress and boredom can’t be avoided, even on vacation. Imagine being lost with non-existent compass skills in Saskatchewan, in Grasslands National Park. Imagine being exhausted near death on tight switchbacks, in Waterton National Park. Note to self: stay away from National Parks!

The lowest point was near Bozeman in Montana. I needed rest after hiking in Yellowstone. I was advised by a bed and breakfast host to go to a relaxing spot he knew of, with a river and a forest. It sounded serene.

When I arrived, all I found was a forested hill with a twisty gravel road. I saw the river, which was more like a creek, and a dull picnic area. The only other people that were there, were a couple gazing blankly into the unremarkable creek. I thought “this mustn’t be it.” I kept driving on this gravel road for an hour only to find myself back at the entrance again. Nothing but boredom. Why is it that some experiences are absorbing and others are a missed opportunity?

The Flow Channel

If nature isn’t always the answer, then how do these enjoyable experiences happen? It took me more trips to find out. I remember reading Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s book, Flow, while I was hiking the Panum Crater in California…

It started off on a comfortable sandy trail from the parking lot up to the ring of the dormant volcano. There are very few trails in the crater, but endless opportunities for scrambling on the lichen covered lava rocks.

What was interesting was that even if some rocks gave way under my feet, they didn’t sink too far. It wasn’t too challenging or too easy. It was exhilarating, and at the same time relaxing. My mind couldn’t wander as I concentrated on my balance, and I wasn’t fearful because I always could find a foothold.

At the top I got to see the rim of the crater all around me. At the end of the hike, it was like on purpose as I stepped off the hard lava rocks, to find the comfortable sandy trail, allowing my feet to rest. I had the Boards of Canada track, Tears from a compound eye, creating a poignant bond between me and the landscape. The time melted, and I felt a sense of gratitude for the beautiful afternoon.

Flow in 7 steps

Mihay studied bored people in line jobs, musical conductors, and people engaged in recreational activities. He found the same universal experience, where time seems to melt away and self-preoccupation diminishes, leading to a blissful experience. This is when challenges of an activity match your skillset. To optimize your experience, you have to increase your skills when the challenges are too hard, or increase the challenges if they are too easy.

To break it down further one can look at what is happening when you are in flow. You are…

Knowing what to do – Not knowing what to do is anxiety or boredom.

Knowing how to do it – Not knowing how to do something is anxiety.

Knowing how well you are doing – Uncertainty can lead to either boredom or anxiety depending on whether your situation is dangerous or safe.

Knowing where to go – Not knowing where to go is anxiety.

High perceived challenges – Preventing boredom.

High perceived skills - Preventing anxiety.

Freedom from distractions – This provides opportunities for greater concentration.

Free Solo 360: https://youtu.be/FRGF77fBAeM

One has to direct concentration to an object and look at whether there’s something interesting about it, then chain this interest to something related in the environment that is also interesting. Once it’s understood the novelty wears off and it’s easy to drop into boredom again.

What is interest?

The brain needs novelty, vividness, complexity, and surprising qualities. The brain also needs to understand what it’s processing, requiring basic skills first. Current knowledge that brings interest will be a foundation for further knowledge making the interest self-propelling. Nobody has tell you to be interested in rock climbing.

One has to be careful and stay in the present moment. Constantly thinking “when I’m I going to get to the top of this cliff?” will be more stressful than concentrating and grabbing another handhold and then another and then another.

Since people often bump into Flow experiences by accident, to actually know how to get into them creates a new way of thinking of happiness for me. It’s engagement.

The return home

When I returned to the city, a weight was lifted. With less boredom and stress, I didn’t feel the need to escape so much. The city is more interesting now, because I now know what to look for anywhere in my life.

Boards of Canada - Tears from a compound eye https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDXAAmPtntY

Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9780061339202/

Running Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Phillip Latter: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781492535720/

What makes something interesting? - Ben Casnocha http://casnocha.com/2010/04/what-makes-something-interesting.html

Crafting Fun Experiences: A Method to Facilitate Flow — A Conversation with Owen Schaffer

Brian Halweil and Lisa Mastny (project directors), State of the World 2004: A Worldwatch Institute Report on Progress Toward a Sustainable Society, Linda Starke, Editor (N.Y., W.W. Norton & Company, Inc., 2004), Figure 8-1, p 166

Quick Tips: http://psychreviews.org/category/quicktips/

#Flow #flowpsychology #mihaly csikszentmihalyi #interest #suicide

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thebarefootcajunpetiteshistoires · 2 years ago

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It was a gay phone meet up line. I rang the number; it was busy. The year was 1993. I was lonely, wanted the touch of another man, if only to lie in his arms. Was that such a big deal, such a bad thing? Loneliness in a busy city is a bad thing. Lonely anywhere is a bad thing. I couldn’t tap the root to my loneliness or the compulsion to be loved and wanted by another man. It was real; it was mean, it was addiction at its finest. Though at the time I couldn’t bring myself to call it an addiction. It was a search to find my lost self.

Similar to a puzzle with a big corner chunk missing; weary I quit looking and gave into the thrill and adventure, almighty Russian Roulette game of life-risking unsafe sex. This was towards the end of the AIDS epidemic.

Finally, someone picked up the phone. “Hey”, the voice said, “what’s your name?”

I answer, “Rick”, an alias name, anonymity was best, and Rick sounded better than Darren, my real name.

He said, “My name is Jacky Lynn.”

Hum, I thought, that’s a nice sounding Southern name. His voice was smooth, strong and very masculine. Just what I was looking for.

“So, stats please?” I questioned.

He answered, “5 feet 6 inches. Smooth. Handsome, really cute. 25 years young. Hung like a horse dragging in a pasture.”

“And yourself,” he asked.

I responded, “6 feet 4 inches. Moderately hairy. Fifty years old. Mustache. Very average.”

“Can you come to me?” He asked.

“Certainly”, I responded.

Directions in hand I headed out to meet this trick. Adrenaline pumping, hurrying about as if I would explode without this drug of naked rendezvous. I dreamed of his naked male flesh, his touch, he lips kissing mine, bristles tickling my cheeks as we kissed. His hands touching my bare skin clumsily or skillfully? Didn’t matter. Male hands making contact with my skin a need as strong as a dose of heroin; I had to have it. Without it, I was floundering; unable to function. Expectations high, the hope that this would fill the void, that this was the fix, the cure for my loneliness. Maybe, just maybe, this time, it would be different.

The drive to Jacky Lynn’s house, an anxious drive, was made safely. Sitting in the driveway of the efficiency apartment, kind of like a tree house located in an upscale neighborhood, I relaxed a bit more, but still very much pumped with adrenaline. Close to my fix, I could already feel my body relaxing. Without this naked injection I would ball up into a fetal position with my head tucked in between my legs.

Knocking on the door I felt the familiar rush of what awaited me; it was always a surprise. Sometimes it was the anticipation that fueled me. I heard a man say, “Just a minute.”

Hooked, already I felt his words soothe my soul. Adrenalin slowing down, I was calmer, still very much excited for what awaited me. I heard three separate locks click, and the adrenaline flowed again with greater sexual propensity. Having to catch my breath, the door opened. I was already spent, feeling drained of half my energy.

Jacky Lynne was spot on with his stats. I was not in any way disappointed by his appearance. By the way he looked at me, I knew he felt the same. His words exactly as he tilted his head, “Average, I think not! Come on in, Mr. Average!”

Quickly, I crossed the threshold. And immediately he locked the three locks, always a little daunting. Now I was in essence his captive. Jacky Lynne invited me to sit down in the living room on the couch by him. An old shabby chic couch that had been around for some time. It had tassels dangling from its arms. Gold tassels, the couch was suede and a faded pink. Strange piece of furniture for a masculine man, but maybe he was embracing a feminine side.

Jacky Lynne offered me a drink, as I sat in the edge of the couch while he hovered over me making sure I wouldn’t make a mad dash for the door, and then I panicked when I realized the door had been locked, not once, twice, but thrice! Tricks always bothered me when they locked doors. I’m a nervous type anyway and I suffer from anxiety. I talked myself through the panic and realized this naked heroin was worth the risk.

“Sure I said, a drink would be great!” I answered.

Not much of a drinker, or druggie, I wanted a clear head to get away after I’d had my fix. I decided on a shot of smoky scotch. Maybe the smokiness would linger on my palate and keep me a bit numb; something to keep me occupied. After the trick I was always rather down and wanted a nap or food until I required my next high.

“Okay”, Jacky said, “a smoky scotch coming right up.”

Jacky handed me the drink with two big rocks in the old fashioned beveled glass with a yellow tint, not clear if the glass was just old or tinted yellow? I took a sip of the smoky scotch trying to utilize it to fortify my nerves, a term used in the South to signify anxiety. Jacky Lynne sat directly across staring me down. Never liking being the center of attention this unnerved me, and I took another swig of scotch. It lingered on my tongue and heated up my throat as it snaked its way down my esophagus. Again feeling a bit more fortified. I wanted him to make the first move; it’s the way I had always played the game of naked Russian Roulette.

#gay #gay short story #gayflashfiction #addiction #anonymoussex #writers on tumblr #authors

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galacticwildfire · 3 years ago

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Illicit Affairs | Obi-Wan Kenobi

Twelve

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Amidala!oc

Rhea Amidala meets Obi-Wan Kenobi when he and his master come to her younger sisters aid and he discovers the queen's sister was once a Jedi, expelled from the order for her unwillingness to forgo love and attachment. The two stranded together on Tatooine find common ground despite their differences, and above all a hope within the other for something greater than themselves.

He hopes for her to rejoin the order, while she hopes for him to leave, and both are left reeling from their illicit affair, until ten years later he is once again called to her sister's service and they are catapulted into each other's lives by a war that will set them on the same path of secrecy and tragedy.

Word count: 8.5k

Tags/warnings: sexual tension, angst, mentions of children and pregnancy, mentions of former substance abuse

A/N:

We return to the temple doing our worst to ignore that unbearable tension that leaves me wanting to repeat some very specific memories of that night together. Maker knows no one else has ever made me feel the things he did, emotionally and physically.

"So once we find Kamino in the archives we go and speak to the cloners," I say, trying to keep my mind on the mission at hand but it's hard when just the sight of him is enough to make me weak. "Try to find out who they're selling weapons to?"

"Precisely," he answers. "If it is the Separatists supporting these attempts they're contracting a bounty hunter to carry it out, and regardless of theories to get to the bottom of who exactly is ordering the attacks we need to get to the bounty hunter."

There's no point trying to get information from Dooku, he is too well guarded and inaccessible and he'd only lie, so we have to do this the long way. Even then, something in me doesn't want to admit it could be him, I don't want to believe my master would betray me so deeply. I can't.

"You know I once considered bounty hunting or at least something along those lines," I tell him and he blinks at me in surprise.

"Really?"

"When Padme's reign ended I found myself bored to death signing report after report and meeting with adviser after adviser. I wanted to be out in the field doing something," I say and he nods along smiling to himself knowingly. "Maker how I hate a desk job."

"I always did find it strange you found yourself in a life of public duty," he says and I realise he truly has kept tabs on me. "It never seemed to fit."

"It didn't," I laugh. "The palace still refers to my stint as Princess of Theed as a reign of terror."

"And now?" he asks me, able to sense easily I am not fulfilled by my life.

"Well, we're hunting a bounty hunter right now so I suppose I'll get a taste of it," I comment and he makes an amused sound as we enter the Jedi temple. "I miss fighting."

"Well my dear, I'm sure we're going to get one," he assures me as we wander into the archives and begin looking through them for Kamino trying different spellings but nothing's coming up.

"That's odd," he says, continuing to type into the system with no avail.

"Quite odd," I agree and ask "Do you want me to get someone to check our archives on Naboo?"

"No it's alright, I'll call for assistance," he says and soon enough the Chief Librarian Jocasta comes over.

"Master Kenobi, and oh sweet Rhea," she remembers fondly and I'm certainly surprised anyone who knew me at fourteen would remember me as sweet. "I was very disappointed to hear the council voted against your return."

"Well so was I," I laugh awkwardly, Obi-Wan nodding in agreement, and tell her "I'm here on behalf of Naboo assisting Master Kenobi with some official business."

"We're looking for a planetary system called Kamino," he tells her. "It doesn't show up in the archive charts."

"Kamino," she ponders. "It's not a system I'm familiar with. Are you sure you have the right co-ordinates?"

"According to my information it should appear in this quadrant here," Obi-Wan says pointing at the hologram. "Just south of the Rishi Maze."

"I hate to say it, but it looks like the system you're searching for doesn't exist."

Obi-Wan and I share a look, feeling that something isn't right.

"Impossible," he says while I remember the ignorance of the Jedi well. "Perhaps the archives are incomplete."

"If an item does not appear in our records, it does not exist."

She leaves us to ponder this and we take one look at each other before each continuing to search for it and I make a transmission to the archives on Naboo.

"Hello this is General Amidala can I be put in contact with-"

"Rhea," a surprised voice says and my eyes widen realising it's my mother, having forgotten in between her busy life of being a house wife and trying to force me to be one she volunteers in the archives. It may be a harsh assessment but it's not without foundations. "Well, this is a surprise."

"Mom, hi," I say awkwardly, Obi-Wan looking over in equal surprise. "So I take it you're the volunteer archivist on duty then?"

"Yes honey I am," she says and pull my com away as I sigh, not wanting to speak with her right now. "Why are you calling?"

"I'm just on some business and was wondering if you could search something up for me."

"Oh what sort of business, for the senate?" she asks and I wonder if she's even aware of the attempt on Padme's life, from the news she'd have to be but I doubt Padme's told them anything more than the bare minimum, likely downplayed it as much as she can.

"Jedi business," I say putting her on speaker. "I'm working with the Jedi on this investigation for Padme."

"Oh how exciting," she says despite how absolutely morbid the situation is and I can't help but drag a hand over my face as the questions begin. "Are you working with that nice Jedi boy we met during the invasion?"

"I- yes," I stammer in surprise at that particular question, wondering how she can possibly still remember him, but he does have the habit of leaving an impression. "Obi-Wan is here."

"Hello," he chimes with a playful grin while she rattles on and I am quickly regretting this.

"He was a handsome boy, you should bring him home for dinner." Obi-Wan chuckles at that and playfully raises his eyebrows at me not knowing the half of it while I want to slam my head into the table. "It's past time you and your sister brought someone home to meet us."

"Yes Mom," I sigh while Obi-Wan has to stifle his laughter and he's lucky I can't look at him long enough without blushing to glare at him. "But look this is important, I need you to search for Kamino, it should be just south of the Rishi Maze."

There's a pause and some typing before she says "Yes, now what about it."

"Hello there," Obi-Wan says speaking up. "So it is there?"

"Of course it's there," she says and we share a confused look. "Is there a problem?"

"Not at all mom, thanks," I say, us realising something is quite wrong with the archives. "I'll be home for a visit soon hopefully."

"Lovely, now make sure you bring Obi-Wan," she says and I shake my head as I hang up.

"She knows my name," he says, impressed with himself. "I wasn't aware I made such an impression."

"Oh trust me she remembers any man I'm within six feet of. I can't talk to her without her trying to set me up with a husband," I tell him bitterly and explain. "My sister Sola has two kids now which kept her happy for a while but now she's onto me and Padme both about marrying and having children, much to her disappointment she hasn't been successful."

He tries to keep his voice light as he inquires "In all these years, you never found anyone to love?"

He's a sweet fool and so I tell him "My sweet Obi-Wan, you ruined all others for me."

Little did I know until I laid eyes on him again that my heart was always devoted entirely to him and he frowns, seeing for the first time that I'm right where he left me. Somehow time went on for everyone else, but not me. Still nineteen in my fantasy, in my dreams running back to him and begging him to leave with me. Running away together with no destination or plan.

I wonder if somehow he's still there too.

"But do you want it?" he asks me quietly. "Marriage, children?"

Now that's a question I've never truly asked myself, not when my family's tried to use it in an attempt to placate me, even if I've always known deep down I have a maternal instinct that's only grown stronger with the years, one I've tried to deny but it's become difficult. If I had refused Dooku's offer I may well have done what Sola did and have children on my own, I think I would have been happier for it.

Still I lie.

"I don't know, I mean I'm nearly thirty, I should be thinking about it but-" He watches me quietly as I confess "Despite leaving the order to be free of the code, to be able to love, it seems I haven't."

But that's a lie.

I have loved, I've loved madly for a decade now. A love that left me knowing there would be no other because I could never imagine it with anyone but him.

And somehow I was just fine with that until now.

"You may as well rejoin the order," he remarks with a seriousness to his voice I don't expect and I try to laugh it off but he is being genuine.

"That didn't quite go to plan last time."

"You never know," he says, still with a glimmer of hope that breaks my heart. "You were Anakin's age last time, things are far different now and the council's seen it as well."

There's no arguing with that even if we both know it is utterly impossible and I look at him not knowing if I'll be able to walk away from him again. I'm not as strong as I was, not now I know the pain that awaits me in leaving him.

If I have learned anything in reuniting with him, it's that I will love him for the rest of my life no matter how hard I try not to.

And so I say something I never would have dreamed of before he came back into my life.

"Well, if you can convince them maybe I'll consider it," I say putting it into his hands with the comfort of knowing this time there is no hope for it, and he leans back in surprise, not daring to say anything that could make me change my mind as he takes the challenge on board.

"I'll see what I can do," he promises me, squeezing my hand and pain shoots through my heart knowing well it is just a dream. "Now, I want to take this issue with the archives to Master Yoda before we move on to Kamino."

I nod, finding it too strange for my liking as well and so we walk through the temple a reasonable distance apart until we come to find Yoda training a group of younglings and I can't help the smile it brings to my face and catch Obi-Wan watching me with a smile of his own.

Perhaps he knows the answer to his question better than I do.

"Younglings," Yoda says getting their attention. "Visitors we have."

"Hello Master Obi-Wan," they all say in sync and my smile widens.

"Hello," Obi-Wan smiles at the younglings. "I'm sorry to disturb you, Master."

"What help can I be Obi-Wan?" Yoda asks as some of the younglings wave to me, and Obi-Wans question does indeed play on my mind. Kids, I never truly let myself dream of them and instinct used that maternal instinct in fostering Padme and her handmaidens, but seeing Obi-Wan with them makes me feel a desire I've never let myself have before.

"We're looking for a planet described to me by an old friend," he tells Yoda. "We know it exists in other archives but the system doesn't show it on our archive maps."

"Mmm, lost a planet Master Obi-Wan has, how embarrassing," Yoda says and I laugh with the kids as he instructs the blinds to be closed and for them to gather around. Obi-Wan activates the map reader. "Clear your minds and locate Obi-Wan's wayward planet we will."

Stars fill the room and while Obi-Wan points to where the planet should be they circle around him, and he's never looked so beautiful as he does in this moment, so gentle and soft spoken with stars surrounding him.

"It ought to be here, but it isn't," Obi-Wan says and I have to consciously remind myself to conceal my feelings in the force. "Although gravity is pulling all the stars in this area towards this spot."

"Hmm, gravity's silhouette remains," Yoda ponders. "But the star and all the planets disappeared they have. How can this be?"

"They would have had to have been purposefully removed from the archives," I say, unable to find another explanation. "They appear on Naboo's archives but not on the temples."

"Mmm, General Amidala is right, erased from the archive memory it was," Yoda says and instructs "Go to the centre of gravity's pull and find your planet you will." Yoda walks us out of the room as the younglings go back to what they were doing. "The data must have been erased."

"But Master Yoda, who could empty information from the archives?" Obi-Wan asks. "That's impossible isn't it?"

"Dangerous and disturbing this puzzle is," Yoda says, something in my stomach churning as if I have a piece of it already. "Only a Jedi could have erased those files, but who and why, harder to answer. Meditate on this I will."

"Master," I say suddenly and he and Obi-Wan turn to me. "Is there any way you can see when these files were erased? They could have been missing for days or years and to know a timeframe would help us greatly if it's related to this case."

"Suspicions you have," Yoda says as Obi-Wans brows draw together. "Share, please do."

"If the Separatists are involved it also stands to reason Count Dooku is involved," I tread carefully, trusting my gut. "If there is something occurring on Kamino he is involved with could he have erased it from the archives before he left the order to cover his tracks? I know it sounds absurd but does it not make sense?"

Whatever schemes his master has, he took Maul's place after his death and at that time he was still very much welcome in the temple. If he was working with the Sith as long as ten years ago...

Yoda makes a contemplative sound and Obi-Wan nods along in agreement but keeps a careful eye on me. "That- that could be possible. He only truly became estranged from the order after Master Qui-Gons death, but the confederation was not formed until several years ago so it could not possibly be related to the plot against the senator."

This is something bigger, something far more dangerous than any of us could conceive. Well, anything they could conceive.

"Of course, I only wanted to be certain," I say, having also learned in the past years the benefit of downplaying my own confidence in my theories to make myself less of a target, to be overlooked.

"Meditate on this I will," Yoda continues. "Something darker afoot I suspect."

He returns to the younglings and Obi-Wan and I head outside to his transport.

"I think you may be right about the archives," he tells me. "It seems to be the only explanation we can find."

"But for now we must leave it in Yoda's hands," I say, not wanting to linger on the subject of Dooku. "Perhaps we'll discover more on Kamino."

He looks at me carefully. "You used to have so much anger for the council, now you willingly trust Master Yoda, what happened?"

"I got older, and hopefully wiser," I say, looking at the temple, somehow having become the opposite of what Dooku wanted. He sought to tame me, berated me for my poor habits I'd developed with substances and lack of control, instilled in me a disciplined that's allowed me to think with a clearer mind so he could work with me, and in doing so I've been able to work through my issues. Mostly. "I slowly learned there is no point harbouring anger, I became too tired of it to let it consume me anymore. Yes there are moments where it's appropriate but it's bitterness that leads to the mind and soul becoming twisted." He tilts his head towards me in surprise. "I've made peace with them Obi-Wan, I see no point in holding onto anger, I let it go a long time ago now."

The last words are a lie, but as long as he believes them it doesn't matter, and he nods, quietly impressed and rests his hand on my shoulder. "I may yet give Anakin to you to teach."

I laugh as he walks me out to the hanger. "Oh no that little maverick is all yours, I'll keep Padme, we may argue over politics but we always find our middle ground."

"Yes well, I definitely wouldn't want to get caught in the middle after seeing you two before we left," he says looking at his ship, a single seater starfighter. "I do hope they are alright."

"As do I," I sigh and look at him knowing we have a long journey ahead of us but feel confident in a way I haven't in a long time with him by my side. "But we're taking my ship."

He's almost offended "What's wrong with mine?" He gestures to it as he tells me "It is one of the finest starfighters made and it isn't even on the market considering it was commissioned by the Order."

"Yes Obi, your ship is impressive," I assure him but point out the obvious "But do you want me sitting on your lap all the way to Kamino? I wouldn't mind but it would be awfully impractical."

He flushes at missing that obvious complication and I raise a teasing eyebrow.

"Alright," he agrees after a moment of consideration. "Your ship it is."

"And I'm flying," I grin as I lead him back towards Padme's apartment.

"Well you can't be anywhere as bad as Anakin," he remarks. "I trust knowing you it's armed."

"Very much so," I assure him. "Hopefully we won't need it but you never know."

"I'd say it's safest to assume we will," he says, both of us knowing it will inevitably end in a fight and he's fretting. "Does your ship have-"

"It has everything your precious starfighter does," I chuckle as he follows after me, too caught up in his safety protocols to notice he'd fallen behind. "It's a transport ship so it even has a bed."

I mean it innocently to ensure him it's well fitted with necessities but he has to clear his throat. "Perhaps we'd get into less trouble trapped in a cockpit we can't move in."

"We'd find a way," I tease but look back to see he's actually nervous. "I promise not to seduce you into my bed while we're on a mission."

"While we're on a mission?" he repeats, nothing being said about afterwards.

"Let's just try to make it to Kamino and back without taking our clothes off and call it a victory," I say and somehow we both know that might be considerably more difficult than we'd like to admit and go against my better judgement in saying "Then we'll see if we're wiser than we were ten years ago."

I'm glad for the physical distance between us as he says "I dare say wisdom does not come with age."

The look in his eyes is enough to make me want to cross that dangerous line we walk.

"You're right, it doesn't." My throat is tight now as I say "Come on, let's go back to Padme's apartment and get ready to travel to the outer rims."

"Yes," he says and clears his throat. "We best get on with the mission."

When we reach it we come to the startling realisation we are alone with complete privacy, something we have not yet had. That is enough that he quickly tries to find an excuse to be elsewhere while I prepare to leave.

"Do you mind if I freshen up?" he asks referring to the shower, knowing we'll be gone for days at least.

"Of course," I answer, trying not to stammer at the thought of him naked in the next room and realise I am no better than a padawan. "You can use the one in my rooms, the ensuite's attached to the bedroom."

He gives me a thankful nod and heads inside, no doubt to take a cold shower which is something I certainly need as well.

"Fuck," I find myself cursing once the door to my bedroom closes and drag a hand over my face, a habit I seem to be picking up from him and look at my ship on the helipad, knowing this is going to be significantly harder than I had hoped it would be.

Obi-Wan

I shut the door to her bedroom behind me, needing a moment without her to balance myself, to regain my senses before confining myself in a ship with her for hours at the very least. I can't say this current predicament isn't my own fault, initiating as much as reciprocating any advances.

All I want is to take her into my arms, for her to feel the words I can't bring myself to say, to selfishly cross yet another line I swear I won't. I loved her then, I loved her recklessly but this is different. It's just as reckless if not more so but the depth of these feelings is beyond alarming. I don't just want to kiss her I want to be consumed by her which is not the jedi way. I want to feel the very things I've spent years fighting and I feel powerless to stop myself. I know if I hold onto her for too long I won't be able to let go. There's an adoration for her that is there no matter how badly I try not to act on my feelings, something I've done a horrible job of doing.

How many times can we possibly say we love each other without saying the words? I feel them in every glance, every touch, every smile. That love that I'd forced into memory is more alive than it ever was, penetrating every defence and leaving me with no clue how to fight it. She walked away all those years ago, she did the hard part before but now... now I still hold onto the dream of bringing her back despite how impossible it is because some stubborn part of me refuses to give up hope that it is possible despite what few pieces of sense I have left telling me otherwise.

I was prepared to deal with the feelings I had ten years ago, I was never prepared for the ones that have come now as quickly as they did before and so strong I could break under the weight of them. It makes me wonder what the point is in pretending otherwise when we both know so painfully well how we feel. It makes me wonder what more possible damage could we do to one another if I went and kissed her, if I took her by the waist and made love to her here and now.

I should be better than this, better than just a man. I am a Jedi, but in her presence that is all I am, just a man hopelessly in love with a woman I know I shouldn't love.

And so again I ask what more damage can I do if I give in to what it is we're both consumed by and allow myself just one more night with her before we're forced to part once again.

Except that's just it, it wouldn't be just one night.

I know exactly what damage it would do now I can finally see how deeply our affair wounded her. I'd truly hoped no matter how badly it hurt she would fall in love again, marry, have children. Have a life where she could be loved how she deserves to be. She tells me she doesn't want that, but I see how she smiles at the younglings. I see through every lie she tells, to herself, to the council, to me.

Something went terribly wrong before Padme's assassination attempt, something that has left her afraid, too ashamed to tell me the truth. But it was when she lied to the council I realised she has had training these past years. She can lie and tell them it's her own self discipline but we both know she has little of that at the best of times, or at least she used to.

She has changed in a way I recognise as being sculpted, refined, and know it was not just her own self discipline that did it.

Padme knows something, I saw it when they were fighting, I saw the panic in Rhea's eyes and Padme's quick change of subject when she remembered I was listening. I'm half tempted to attempt to contact her on Naboo without Rhea knowing, but I know if I did that it would only cause a fight, it's the reason I haven't pressed or asked questions she doesn't want me asking.

Against my better judgement and own personal hesitance I let my eyes skim about her room. She's both too afraid and too stubborn to reveal what she is hiding, but after watching her lie to the council I need to know if she's been putting herself in danger in order to train herself or to receive training from another. The answer is clear in my mind, but I struggle to believe it, struggle to believe that despite her ideological beliefs she would go so far. At least without coming to me first.

But when I find her cloak thrown into one of the corners smelling of something burnt I can't deny it, not as I pick it up and find the blaster holes and glass splinters and what I swear have to be lightsaber burns like those I saw on her back. I felt little darkness from her, but much shame, guilt. At first I thought it was about us, but when I watched her fighting with Padme it was clear her separatist sympathies were far more than just sympathies.

I don't want to believe it, I don't want to believe what is so blindingly obvious, yet how can't I after her panic at the mere mention of Count Dooku, but what leaves me uneasy is the thought it was more than a mere acquaintance turned sour.

One thing is for certain, she's become a brilliant liar who is very capable of concealing things in the force. Unfortunately her eyes reveal everything and yet I can't help but become lost in them every time they meet and all I want is to help her, but if she has gotten herself into a mess as deep as I am beginning to suspect... our feelings for one another will soon be the least of our worries.

I drape the cloak over her chair before I go to shower, she knows I have my suspicions and perhaps this could just provoke her into revealing the truth to me, but something tells me she won't and this, the lies... it is perhaps the only thing holding me back from giving into her and perhaps that's what has stopped me from confronting her until this mission is complete.

So when the time comes and the truth is revealed she'll give me a reason to be able to walk away.

If such a thing is still possible.

Rhea

I stand in the kitchen, noticing the long time it takes for me to hear the shower start and know he suspects something, I can feel it. We both know damn well I'm hiding something, but neither of us are going to be the first to acknowledge it. Not until the mission is complete.

Even now as I stand here alone, the first time I can think clearly now he isn't in front of me, I don't know how much of Dooku's teachings were the Jedi's and how much were the Sith's. He became the sith lords apprentice after Maul, was involved with him even while Qui-Gon was still alive. An apprentice for an apprentice. That was four years before he summoned me to Serenno, towards the end I knew he'd been corrupted by darkness, by power, but nothing like this. I could never have known he was already apprenticing for a sith lord years before he took me as his own apprentice. A sith who made it clear to him that if I don't play the part he wants I have to die.

It didn't matter if I told Padme about their army or not, they knew the risk of it was enough that if she didn't come to their side she would have to die but she'd already been attacked by then. I don't understand. I want it to make sense but not how it is. I want to believe they were empty threats and someone from the Republic is responsible for this, but the deeper we go the darker it gets.

I look down at the jumpsuit I wear and know if we face this bounty hunter I'll want to be better prepared for combat and so I walk into my bedroom since the shower in the ensuite is still going and delve into my wardrobe for the clothes I wear while training, tight leggings and form fitting top. I take off my belt that holds my saber and blaster and put it on the table only to see in horror the cloak I wore on Serenno draped over it.

That was why Obi-Wan took so long, he found it. If he didn't walk out and confront me immediately it means he still wants me to know that he knows, but that it is my turn to be honest and I will be but I am not starting a fight when my sister's life is in danger, not when we have to be able to work together to get to the bottom of this.

Whatever that may be.

But still it jars me enough that in my hurry to change I don't notice the shower turning off until the door opens, nor did I notice his clothes folded on the same damn chair as the cloak so I'm standing there half dressed in my undergarments when he walks out with a towel around his waist and absolutely nothing else, both of us immediately apologising the second we realise.

"Shit sorry!" I exclaim and avert my eyes out of respect and panic, having until now succeeded in remaining the bare minimum of professional in trying to not get him naked but thankfully he's just as awkward at having caught me in a state of half dress although it's nowhere near as much as him.

"Sorry I-"

"It's nothing you haven't seen before," I say waving off his concerns with my eyes still shut and ramble "I- I promise I was not trying to get you into bed I just thought I better change into something I can fight in."

"Of course," he says, both of us caught standing there awkwardly and he stammers "That's- that's a sensible decision."

I nod and open my eyes to find both of us flushed and in a mutual state of defeat in our attempts to not end up in this situation.

"Well," I say, trying to laugh it off. "Seems we failed to get to kamino and back without taking our clothes off."

"To our credit we did make it half an hour," he says but the humour disappears when he sees the scars on my body, faint white lines now but obvious enough to the trained eye and I curse silently. For just a moment he averts his gaze as if to pretend he didn't see it, but his concern overrules all else.

The permanent reminders from Dooku of what happens when I am not fast enough in a duel, not sharp enough in my reflexes. He never went easy on me, and so if I made a mistake he didn't stop himself as any other master would, he let me take the hit and suffer the consequences of failure.

A lesson quickly learned, and still I never put two and two together despite his methods and know I won't be able to convince Obi-Wan I never knew when the evidence is right here on my body. His face is serious as he steps forward and I can't meet his eye as his fingers trail along the worst of the scars, one that runs from my waist up along my spine. My eyes flutter closed at the touch of him but the tone of his voice strips away any pleasure that could come with it.

"This is a lightsaber burn."

He states it as a fact, not making an accusation but it's there, I know it is.

"It is," I swallow, my eyes opening up to the sight of his bare chest and knowing I am in a very vulnerable position I choose not to elaborate. I could lie, attempt to gaslight him into believing I had them the last time we were together, but we both know there is no skirting around this.

He stays patiently silent until my eyes finally meet his and suddenly I can't look away as they bore into me and he knows exactly what he's doing as his fingers trail along my spine and it's all I can do to bite back whatever noise comes from the back of my throat and he says slowly "I'm going to ask you this once and only once, how did you get these scars?"

Immediately I jump to deflection, lying to those I love second nature by now "It's not important now-"

"Rhea," he says, not having the patience for deflection and uses the voice he does with Anakin. "I'm not going to ask you again."

It's not until now I know how deeply Dooku has corrupted me with all the years of lies, making me into a liar by forcing me to deceive those I love time and time again.

"We have a mission to complete Obi-Wan," I remind him, knowing the truth would only hinder it. "We should be focusing on that and nothing else."

He nods slowly as he steps away and I can feel his hesitance, but his frustration gets the better of him as he remarks "It's incredible how dutiful you are when it's convenient for you."

And there it is.

I warn him "Don't talk to me about duty when I've devoted my life to it."

"Well then we have an understanding," he says, a coldness between us now and says words I know he's been holding back. "And yet when it comes to your duty to protect your sister you're still lying to protect yourself first."

And like that all common decency is off the table as I step closer to him and challenge "And how dutiful would you be if I took off my clothes right now? I'm guessing not very."

His face changes at those words knowing it's the truth and he warns me "Now we both know just how that would end."

"Is it any different to how this ends regardless?" I ask him and know I've hit a nerve in both of us. "I think it's too late to pretend we're walking away from this bloodless."

"Do you think when I took this mission I wasn't prepared for you to destroy my life once again?" he asks me and I'm the one standing there speechless as he quickly realises he's misspoken. "I didn't mean it like that-"

"Destroy your life?" I repeat in disbelief. "What about my life!" I stick a finger into his chest as I finally let my anger loose after all these years of cursing his name "Do you think you didn't destroy mine!"

He breathes in deeply as he takes my hand and tries to de-escalate. "Can we do this when we're dressed?"

"No," I say harshly, not letting him back out now as I rip my hand away. "You started this not me." He moves away from me now, not wanting to engage and I yell "Ten years I've spent trying to put my life back together, you don't get to stand there and pretend you were the only one who was hurt!"

"Well I was the only one prepared to fight!" he argues back, hitting me where it hurts. "You're the one who walked away."

I laugh dangerously at those words "Do you think it was easy? Do you think it didn't kill me to walk away? Walking away was the most selfless thing I've done in my entire bloody life!" My hands shake now as I yell "I walked away so you wouldn't have to because I wasn't going to let you destroy your life for me!" He can't meet my eye now. "So don't you dare stand there and demand to know the things I've done in trying to repair mine!"

"Has it occurred to you Rhea that maybe I want to help you!" he says harshly, but won't resort to raising his voice. "That I know you're lying to everyone including yourself and just want you to be honest with me of all people after what we've been through."

"I don't owe you the truth," I bite defensively. "We don't owe each other anything."

"You're right," he says as he marches back over to me. "We don't owe each other anything, our past is just that. In the past."

Except it isn't.

"Is it?" I question as he follows me with every step backwards I take, knowing I have him caught now.

"Yes," he insists and I see that look in his eye as I suddenly find my back against a wall, his body dangerously close to mine. "It is."

But I can't help myself as I challenge "Really?"

His hand is beside my head, leaning over me as he repeats with little conviction "Really."

And so I tilt my chin up towards his and ask "Who's lying now?"

He takes the bait and I gasp out as I feel his hand on my waist, the other reaching for my face, holding it in place as he leans down, beard scratching my cheek as he breathes my name "Rhea."

I look up at him, chest heaving, and whatever he sees makes him let go of me before he can take this any further and in an act of desperation I reach for him, grabbing onto his muscled arm to pull him back to me and drop the act as I plead with him "I need you to trust me Obi." His eyes are conflicted as they meet mine "I will tell you everything when the time is right I swear, but until then I need you to trust me."

"Rhea," he warns but his eyes betray him as I take his face in my hands and his breath catches in his throat, our bodies touching now as he holds me by the waist.

"Trust me," I whisper, lips inches from his as I look up into his torn blue eyes. "Please."

I let him feel everything I do in that moment and his eyes fall shut, forehead falling against mine as he takes it in until finally he nods, placing his faith in me as he says "I trust you."

With those words my arms wrap around him and suddenly we're holding onto one another as for life itself and I bury my face in the crook of his neck, my hands grasping his bare back as he buries his fingers in my hair, clutching me to his bare body. The warmth of him is something I know I'll crave for years more, having almost forgotten it until now.

I press my lips to his collarbone and feel him sigh at the touch but as I press my eyes shut I feel tears in them. Not wanting this to end like before, not wanting to destroy each other again and so before this can go any further I pull back enough to press a chaste kiss to his cheek and tell him "I'll let you get dressed."

He opens his mouth as if to protest before his eyes meet mine and immediately he understands that pulling away is not by will, but mercy on us both. He nods in agreement and I force myself to let him go, picking up my shirt and walking out of the room before I can look back and kiss him in a way I can't undo.

I don't stop until I'm in the kitchen and pull the sleeveless shirt on, head in my hands as I lean on the bench and my eyes catch the bottle I used to poor us drinks after the last attack and feel the temptation for just a moment before cursing and walking away from it, my substance abuse being the one thing Dooku brutalised me for when I began my training and rightfully so.

I fill cantinas with water and head to the ship, climbing inside and into the pilot's seat. It's a transport ship so it's spacious enough, and yet I know it is still too small for the two of us and our barely repressed emotions. Hell even the largest starship could never be large enough for us.

When Obi-Wan finally emerges he's dressed and his hair half dry, I open my mouth, not knowing if I should acknowledge what just happened but he speaks first, with a kind concern as he holds up my weapons belt that I'd forgotten in my haste to get out of that room.

"You might want this."

I give a pained smile as I take it. "Thank you."

He nods as he takes the co-pilots seat, eyes lingering on me before looking at the controls and asking "Are you ready for the coordinates?"

I nod and we set our course for Kamino.

Hours later we're travelling through the hyperspace lanes, having exhausted all topics of practical conversation regarding the mission our thoughts wander to just what Anakin and Padme are up to, using Anakin's own poorly concealed feelings to avoid our own.

"I'm sure he's behaving himself," I try to assure Obi-Wan. "I dare say Padme's grown tired of the obvious pining."

"Well, she'd certainly be fed up with his flirting," he guesses and criticises. "It is god awful too."

"It seems the master can't teach everything," I tease and quickly bring it back to Anakin before we tread down that carefully avoided path. "But I don't know, she always found it cute, and it's hardly like she allows that type of affection considering her station."

"So you aren't the only sister who terrifies any man who looks your way?" he says and I give a satisfied smile.

"Well I more so than her, she just prioritises her work above all else instead of deliberately brushing anyone off," I say, remembering that one senator, Rush Clovis. "And with Anakin she's too nice to be harsh, so either she'll let it keep going or try to let him down gently."

"I hope she lets him down as harshly as she has to considering he clearly doesn't have a lick of sense about him when it comes to your sister," he says and I roll my eyes at the blatant hypocrisy as he shakes his head. "If she gave him the chance he'd be that silly he'd be asking her to marry him."

I laugh, unable to imagine that. "That would be a sight, wouldn't it?"

"Don't even make me consider it," he groans, speaking frankly. "He doesn't even need a reason to break the code, he just does it, and if he did do something that stupid I don't even know what I could do aside from help him keep it secret."

I can understand trying to prevent Anakin from making the decisions he has but still, he's blinded to the fact they were not so different.

"We were prepared to keep a secret like that once too," I remind him gently, remembering it all too well not that either of us need the reminder.

His voice is quiet as he says "I know we were."

And the space is thick with tension again between us. At least we'd made it this far to Kamino without ending up here again.

I clear my throat "You know she's the one expecting me to do something as stupid as that now I'm alone with you."

He can't argue with her assessment but asks "How long has she known?"

From the way he says it I know immediately he's never breathed a word of us to another soul aside from answering the questions Anakin's had and is surprised I would.

"She knew something was going on at the time and after you left, well..." I don't need to finish and he nods, not needing me to explain the rest. "Like I said, she was afraid to tell me it was you who'd been assigned for a reason. She knew right from the start that you were my first love."

I know I wasn't his, but he was certainly mine. My first and only love.

The space between us becomes heavy and he looks over at me, a mere metre away at best in the cockpit, he looks at me conflicted before deciding to say "I- I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

I shake my head in dismissal "You don't need to-"

"I do," he says taking my hand in his. "I shouldn't have said what I did about you walking away. I- I know it hurt you as deeply as it hurt me. I know you've been in just as much pain as I have. It took me a long time to realise it and even now I don't want to believe I've been the cause of such pain."

"Obi-" I whisper but he's not finished.

"When the shock passed I was thankful you walked away, because like you said, I would have walked away from the order if you'd let me." I swallow hard, him never having said those words so plainly before. Words that mean more than I love you ever could, words of a man willing to break from the order he had devoted himself to so he could be with me, the purest act of love he could commit. "You were strong enough to do what I couldn't in putting our duties first."

"And you've done incredible Obi," I tell him, squeezing his hand and his eyes soften. "I knew you would do right by Anakin and you have. I couldn't let you break that promise."

"I know," he says, both of us utterly vulnerable. "I know you did it because you cared for me too much to let me walk away from the order even if it meant breaking your own heart." He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it hard. "Still," he says, his voice gentle but desperate. "I want you to know Rhea that I really was prepared to fight for us."

I give him a sad smile. "I know, but I couldn't let you lose everything in that fight."

He returns my sad smile, tears in both our eyes. "You may not have been my first love darling, but maker knows not a day's gone by these past ten years that I haven't thought of you."

I blink at him in disbelief despite all we've confessed to one another. "Truly?"

"Truly," he says, letting me in that moment feel everything he does, the longing, the remorse, the devotion. "I meant what I said, that I'll never be able to look at a sunset without thinking of you, and those words are true to this day." With those words my composure breaks and tears slip down my cheek and he wipes them away, voice soft as he soothes me "No darling, don't cry."

"How can't I when you're here, telling me that you've been in as much agony as I have?" I reply and find myself confessing to him knowing there's only so much more destruction left for us to do to one another. "I loved you." Saying it so plainly brings pain to his eyes. "I loved you and I knew I could never find that love in anyone else. I didn't want to love anyone else. I still don't." I find myself wiping a tear from the corner of his eye and leave myself utterly vulnerable as I tell him. "What I said about marriage and kids, I lied, I-"

His eyes search mine, realising there is something I haven't told him "Rhea?"

"For a moment I- I thought I was pregnant," I confide in him and watch his eyes change as he takes my face in his hand, tears still wetting my cheeks. "I wasn't, but for a moment..."

"Oh Rhea, darling," he whispers and brings his forehead to mine, trying to ease me before he confesses "For just a moment during those first few months of training Anakin when I believed I'd only fail him some selfish part of me hoped you'd come to me with the one duty more important than mine to him." I realise what he's saying and search his eyes, seeing the same scared boy I loved who was so uncertain of himself, of his capability to fulfil his masters wishes. "So I had a reason to leave that was more honourable than for the forbidden sin of having fallen in love."

"Obi-Wan," I breathe and we both know there is no escaping this unscathed as my heart breaks once again and he kisses away my tears as he did all those years ago until I whisper. "I don't want to let you go again."

"Neither do I darling," he promises me, kissing my palm as he asks "How is it a love so brief has endured so unwaveringly all these years?"

"I don't know," I say quietly, terrified as I ask him "What are we going to do?"

His brows draw together in contemplation, torn between every piece of sense he has and what he feels, unable to come to any conclusion except for one "I don't know, but it seems we're the ones we should be worrying about instead of Anakin and Padme."

"I think you're right," I chuckle tearfully and I can't help but look at his lips after trying so hard these past days not to. "Obi-Wan I-"

"I know," he says and I close my eyes as his lips skim over my cheek. "I know darling."

"Please," I whisper, not knowing what it is I'm asking for but he knows as his lips move down towards mine. "Obi-"

"Rhea," he breathes and every second is torturous as his lips brush against mine only for us to be torn apart by the blaring alarm sounding from the radar and he curses "Blast!"

Quickly I slam the alarm off and watch as Obi-Wan looks from the radar to what both of us were too occupied to notice. Kamino.

"There it is, right where it's supposed to be," he says breathlessly. "Our missing planet."

He looks at our hands, torn between discipline and desire, his resolve momentarily lapsing as he leans forward without warning and kisses the corner of my mouth, quickly moving his lips to my forehead before I can kiss him back and we linger there for just a moment in the silence before he forces himself to pull away so I can descend into the atmosphere of Kamino.

Sitting there beside him with the ghost of his lips on mine I know that the dangerous line we've walked, we've certainly crossed it now.

#obi wan kenobi x oc #illicit affairs #wildfirewildflower #obi wan kenobi x amidala!oc #obi wan kenobi x f!oc #obi wan kenobi x original character #obi-wan kenobi x oc #obi-wan kenobi x original character #obi-wan kenobi fanfiction #obi wan kenobi fanfiction

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cannibalvillains · 11 months ago

Note

Wiping some stray specks of blood from his arm, Sukuna took his dear time as he made his way up to where the curse user resided. The carnage down below gradually grew smaller, insignificant like grains of sand, with every step he took towards the sky. Truth to be told, he'd initially been impressed by the world that had presented itself to him when witnessing it all through the brat's eyes. However, once he'd learnt to take control and tested the boundaries of this new humanity, he was disappointed to find it crumbled just as easily as the old one. The only difference laid in the spectacle. Greater buildings, bigger crowds, more noise. Nevertheless it still felt like he was missing something.

Like a greeting, a gust of wind blew over the rooftop when Sukuna reached his destination. He had to squint to make out the other man standing closer by the edge. His ever-present grin always carried a sense that he was up to something sinister. What exactly had never quite mattered to the king of curses, as long as it had allowed his own freedom. And so Sukuna answered with an uncommitted stare, neither smiling nor quite frowning as he crossed his arms and angled his head to take him in.

" Not bored. Just taking a break. Trying to see what they'll do and if they find a way to make it more interesting. " Perhaps, they could even impress him. However Sukuna doubted it as much as he hoped for it.

He paid no mind to the photographic device that had captured Kenjaku's attention, instead approaching the edge to watch the spectacle from a distance. The city below them laid obscured by smoke, unravelled by the people underneath moving about like ants. The noises of the slaughter mixed with desperate pleas for help echoed from the small machine to paint an all too familiar image for the king. He didn't need to watch the video to know what happened. "I prefer the humans of my time. These ones break too easily and their fighting capabilities leave much to be desired. They have forgotten too much over the centuries."

[ TOP OF THE WORLD ] ( either with Kenjaku and Sukuna; or with Geto and Gojo, your pick )

SETTINGS WITH POTENTIAL : accepting

[ TOP OF THE WORLD ]: one of the muses finds the other on the roof-top in the middle of the night. neither of them want to sleep, and so they sit together for the remainder of the night until the sun comes up, content to sit and talk and exist with each other.

From the top floor of a high-rise skyscraper, one might be tricked to believe the expanse of buildings they see to be endless. It's that age old sense of awe bestowed upon humanity by things of gargantuan sizes; a reminiscence that beckons the cunning mind to peer beyond and wonder — is it a clue to set a compass for their expectations? Does it mean that if a beast born of their collective duhka manifests in this world, it will be a creature that towers far above those buildings men pour their sweat and tears into building, all for the sake of a fantasy to touch the sky? A creature so large it will force the perspective of their own puny size in the grand scheme of things?

Humorous. When even Gods possess the humility to understand the confines of one's own limits, there are no boundaries to the human hubris. Humans are but the spritz of paint from a brush painting into the celestial — and it is they who hold the handle.

The proverbial rope to herd humanity into its inevitable evolution has been tossed; lambs ripe and ready for the slaughter. And Kenjaku can witness it all from the comfort of a small screen - that is miniscule in size, yet so, so important.

Happenstance had brought them to the rooftop. But it was a place that inspired one to stay, especially with the gorgeous sight of hoisted barries and the smell of blood and war heavy in the air. Reminders of times past. Donning the monk's kasaya with dark locks swept with each passing breeze, Kenjaku's frame fit perfectly into a scene unearthed from forbidden history books.

The Golden Age is nay.

And speaking of which-- someone's residuals tickled their nose and their head snapped around sharply. A frown replaces the everlasting smile momentarily as the body of one Suguru Geto reacts strongly to the King's presence; shivers, gritting teeth, fists inadvertedly clenching all until Sukuna's aura has well settled around the mastermind's own. Violet eyes creep over a heaved shoulder as Kenjaku reprograms mundane reflexes with the same grace as strings dance around the puppeteer's fingers.

The unpleasant look melts from their visage, giving way to that everlasting smirk.

❝ I will admit, you are the last one I would expect to find up here at a time like this. Don't tell me you're bored already, Sukuna. ❞

With that, they turn back to the phone at hand. There's a pause, filled only by distant echoes of souls being ripped from their shell. And then, another, uglier sound; like nails on a chalkboard, the sorcerer gargles a laugh.

❝ Call me sentimental— but I will miss the humans of this age. They might be a pitiful bunch, but they are very reliable. ❞ No matter what comes next, he doubts it's going to be as pliant. Unless absorbed. Or sliced and diced. Or— Kenjaku cuts his own thread of thought before it unravels into endless possibilities. The unbothered look returns upon their features when lifting the phone screen to where their unexpected company may witness the gruesome footage.

So ready to be at each other's throats given the slightest opportunity. Faintly, Kenjaku recalls Jogo's rants about humankind being a blight on earth; but they never really cared about the moral aspect of it. Creation has no morality attached to it.

#saiakv #hismajestythebutcher

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suchine-toki · 2 years ago

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Hey can i ask u something? I just finished rereading gintama again and read the final chapter, and kinda stumbled to ur blog. Do you think in the end Takasugi kind of ressuracted, reincarnated, or not? It's really bothering me since he is my fav character and besides lackness that i felt towards his story, his 'death' chapter was delivered... so great, and i dont think ressuraction was needed:( isnt that mean he becomes immortal, again?

Hello! Thank you very much for your question. Sorry for the late reply, I didn't see your message because I was on hiatus due to the end of Gintama lmao

I consider the death scene very beautiful, and it shows that there was a lot of love behind it. In fact, Sorachi himself admitted that he cried while he was drawing it (didn't we all?). However, I think when Takasugi's death is judged only by the scene itself and not also by the context, you miss the forest for the trees. (I previously talked about his death in this post.)

Other people and I have discussed the ending as such, so I’ll now address the circumstances surrounding the end of Gintama before delving into Takasugi’s possible resurrection. I'll try to analyze what happened from other angles, including information both inside and outside of the series, like the fanbook released some time ago.

The prolongued ending

Damn Manabe you could've done a better job. And I blame you for all the Utsuro crap, even if it wasn't your idea, you should've stopped it!

Weekly Shōnen Jump, where Gintama was published, has a system in which it’s announced half a year in advance when a series is about to end, to give it a conclusion in that time. Nevertheless, Sorachi exceeded this deadline, and for three years was unable to finish the series. Faced with this, they moved it to Jump Giga, where he would’ve three extra chapters with more pages and more time as it was a monthly publication. But once again he was unable to finish it and ended up concluding it through the Gintama App.

Even though at the time we all laughed at it, in hindsight the series did suffer from this. Especially if we consider that Sorachi's intention was to defeat Utsuro in Weekly Shōnen Jump and then use the other magazine just to have an epilogue. Even in the last chapter uploaded to the application they made him cut four pages. This denotes that it was a turbulent period, and the end was extremely hasty.

I think what happened in the end was Sorachi's attempt to squeeze ideas into a short amount of time. Takasugi and Zura weren’t present to defeat Utsuro, despite foreshadowing it. Thus, because he didn’t pay enough attention to the relationship between the members of the Shouka Sonjuku, the second part of Silver Soul arc emerged, in which Utsuro/Shouyo was revived and there was a greater focus on the connection between Takasugi and Gintoki. I explain this to emphasize that there wasn’t enough planning to properly develop and conclude what happened to Takasugi.

Takasugi's fate

The last page of the manga referring to what happened to Takasugi strongly suggests that he revived, due to the presence of a newborn baby in one of the dragon holes (places where altana veins sprout), along with dialogue from Sakamoto expressing, essentially, the high probability that Shouyo intervened to save him from death when his corpse was sucked into the terminal’s altana.

However, in the fanbook, a page is dedicated to what happened to Takasugi. Sorachi is frank, revealing he intentionally left it vague to avoid giving a clear answer that might disappoint fans. Also, once again he alludes to the fact that he didn't have more pages to delve into what happened, so he opted to just put more jokes, thinking that was enough.

In said fanbook, Sorachi chats with his former editors about various topics, including Takasugi's death, which he repeatedly avoids talking about. He says it's weird having to explain everything. Nonetheless, the others insist with questions. Among the most important things to salvage, he clarifies Takasugi’d already been sort of dead when he lost Shouyo, and he was just looking for a way to die. He also indicates he doesn't consider that Takasugi needed to be saved because he already was. Instead, he was going for the image of saving the Kiheitai beyond whether or not the baby was Takasugi. This gives me the impression that Sorachi didn’t actually plan to revive him.

I fundamentally disagree with the above point of view. Although I'm not a fan of resurrections, I think his rebirth would make sense, given that it's an element already introduced in the series. Also, I believe it's necessary because it didn't make sense to kill him in the first place, both for consistency on a character level and on a series level.

Now, regarding his possible immortality, I really wish he isn’t. Since it was never explained how that or the altana worked, I can't say for sure. But, considering the dialogue of the master protecting his disciples, it wouldn’t be logical for Shouyo to sentence Takasugi to live an immortal life. What would make the most sense is for Takasugi to live in a normal body with his own memories, experiencing both suffering and happiness, just like everyone else.

Regarding his growth as a normal human or abnormally by the altana, it’s even more difficult to discern. I think if he kept his memories, it would make sense for him to grow at an accelerated rate just like Shouyo, until the altana runs out at some point.

Deliverance from sin?

Goddammit Manabe it's all your fault!

Since the concept is used on several occasions, I would like to comment on what is meant by “salvation”, a term closely related to religious beliefs. The perspective I’ll take in this part is that of Shinto and Buddhism, the predominant and deeply connected religions of Japan.

In both cases, the most common path after death is reincarnation. In Shinto, the concept of salvation is based upon the belief that all living things have an essence, soul, or spirit known as kami. This lives among us rather than in Heaven or Hell. Buddhists believe in reincarnation after death, known as rebirth. Depending on the actions a person has done during their life (karma), they’re more or less likely to be reborn as a lower or higher being. If one has a multitude of good actions, one is likely to be reborn as a human.

In Buddhism, anyone who understands Buddha's teachings can attain salvation. This includes the understanding that since suffering is a part of life, one must find ways to overcome it. In this regard, I don’t consider that Takasugi has been “saved” in the more traditional sense of the word, quite the contrary. As referenced, the true way to find salvation isn’t to die to stop suffering, but to continue living despite it, as Gintoki has shown.

From now on

Sorachi explains he’s aware that the people who liked Takasugi aren’t as happy with how he ended up, and hints he knows the ending could’ve been better. This, coupled with the fact that he's been inactive for so long after Gintama ended (despite declaring his intentions to start another series) makes me think there might be more Gintama content in the future.

Could it be wishful thinking? Absolutely. But it’s true that Sorachi is interested in making money, and what better than to return to his star series with a question that interests many fans? Maybe it's something he didn't plan on doing. Do I take it? Without a second thought.

The next Gintama festival will take place on March 19, 2023. Perhaps nothing will happen. But hope is the last thing that dies. Being a successful franchise, I think it's very likely that in the near or distant future they’ll release more material showing what happened to Takasugi.

TL;DR: I think it would be more consistent with the character and the series for him to be resurrected, keeping his memories, possibly growth-accelerated by the altana until it finally fades from his body. This would allow him to keep a mortal body. But no one can say for sure what will happen.

#Gintama #Takasugi Shinsuke #Sakata Gintoki #Yoshida Shouyo #Utsuro #Hideaki Sorachi #Ask #Analysis #Text #my post #I cut a lot of content #I kept repeating myself JUST GET TO THE DAMN POINT lmao #although I still deviated a bit (｀-_ゝ-)#but I think it was relevant to say it #I hope this gives more insight on the matter #Thanks for reading!

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lavendermin · 4 years ago

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would you mind | childe

pairing | childe/reader

word count | 1.9k

genre | developing relationship, light smut, complicated feelings

If ever there was a force greater than the ancient winds of old Mondstadt, it was that harbinger from Snezhnaya. All it took was one afternoon during your shift for him to gain an interest in you—a fascination maybe.

The Fatui weren’t known for a good reputation in Liyue, and it only made you a bit uneasy knowing his high ranking—a cautious approach to a stranger in higher power. You couldn’t deny him and you didn’t dare show disrespect for subtle fear of consequence.

Rumors of people getting blackmailed—or worse— from getting tangled with the Fatui spread like wildfire in the harbor. Though they were baseless accusations, they didn’t stop from simmering in the back of your mind. The ‘what if’ was a damning point your mind made. Rumors didn’t come from nowhere around these parts.

Though Childe carried a sense of danger with him, there was something about him that kept your nerves manageable. The persona he carried was very impressionable, maybe even a little irritating at times. He was a persistent one.

“Mind if I join you for lunch?”

“Sir… I work here.” He knew this, too, yet he always arrived at the tea house with the same line. Still, you were quick to tend to him.

Childe hummed, eyes grinning with him as he happily plopped down at the table you swiftly offered him. “I’ll take that as an opportunity. The usual, please.”

Just treat him like a normal patron, was a personal mantra to get you through a shift at the tea house.

You were just lucky he was well-mannered. It made dealing with him easier. There was something about him that irked you, but at the end of the day he was polite and never forced a conversation if you were busy serving others.

“You don’t seem to talk much these days,” Childe notes as he swirls the remnants of his tea in its cup. It’s nearing closing time and you keep glancing over at the clock as he makes no move to leave. He sighs dramatically, “I miss our conversations.”

It’s playful, knowing full-well you hardly ever speak to avoid trouble from your boss. Maybe you would blame it on the exhaustion of a long shift, maybe put blame on lack of sleep. The comment, however, still makes you break seriousness and you erupt in an abrupt fit of laughter you quickly fight to quiet down. Luckily you’re closing by yourself tonight.

The sound is melodic, surprising Childe as a grin grows on his face. Though your back is turned as your shoulders shake from suppressed laughter, he can see the embarrassed red at the tips of your ears.

Oh, so you did find his company entertaining.

Your back straightens, and when you turn around you’re back to keeping him at a distance with an air of seriousness. Nothing more than work and patrons.

Childe leaves after wishing you a safe trip home and thanks for the wonderful service, as usual. The briskness of the cool night air keeps his mind intrigued once more with the mystery that surrounds you. Duty in Liyue was getting quite boring, and he decided to indulge in figuring you out.

“Would you mind if I joined you for a stroll?”

The familiar ginger hair strode up matching your pace. In the bustling crowd of the harbor, his presence sticks out like the cries of seagulls overhead. Maybe it’s your paranoia, but you swear people make an effort to move away from your little bubble he now infiltrated.

Still, he’s a harbinger.

So you nod quietly.

“I’m just running errands. It’s quite boring.” The way his eyes linger on yours for a second longer has you averting your gaze. The smile he wears… since when did it make your chest squeeze?

“I’m sure not as boring as some of the tasks I’m given,” he chuckles.

“Paperwork, I’m sure,” you guess idly. The vague smile he throws you has something about it that sends chills running down your spine.

“Something like that.”

The chuckle you give him is a little nervous. You aren’t sure what tasks he gets but you aren’t sure you’re willing to find out.

“Feel free to join me if you’d like, then.”

And for the rest of the day he patiently strolls around with you around the harbor through idle chatter. From dock to dock he follows, offering to pay the entire sum of anything on your errands list. The unlimited financial power he holds both terrifies and amazes you.

From then on, his company became frequent on your errand runs. Many shop keepers at first got anxious with a Fatui agent escorting you around, but his bright charisma won them over eventually. Business was business in the end, and his tendency to let the shopkeeper ‘keep the change’ won the favor of many.

You forgot when exactly you stopped trying to shake him off altogether. Perhaps you got too complacent since there was little you could do. Some days you even enjoyed his company. Childe was a good listener on days when you were a little more talkative, and he would always answer with utmost sincerity.

Yes, you looked forward to his little greeting and chance encounters on the harbor. Part of you hated the fact that you got so comfortable with him but the louder part of you was conflicted with bubbling feelings for the harbinger. For months on end you kept those feelings suppressed in the deepest parts of your heart.

And then the storm season hit.

“Mind some company?”

The water dripped down your face, soaked clothes clinging to your form as you stood under a tree near the outskirts of the harbor. Your eyes were wide, doe-like as you peered up at the familiar voice.

“Oh, sure.” Your eyes drift back to stare absentmindedly at the puddles rippling in the rain. “I was just waiting for the rain to let up a bit so I can make it back home.”

Childe hums, his usual charismatic smile bright on his face. It’s a little dangerous, and makes your heart race. Addicting.

“You know, at this rate you’ll get sick by the time you get home. I say we just make a run for it,” he offers with a devilish grin.

The frown you give him only further amuses him. “Run? Through the pouring rain?”

“Got any better ideas?”

You sigh, the sound of pattering rain filling the silence as you weigh your options.

“Fine. Okay.”

He grins, and you surrender to letting the harbinger have his way in the rain. Through the streets you both run, footsteps cutting through puddles and crowds of people with umbrellas. It’s thrilling and you can’t help but laugh at how fun running through the rain is. You both look like lovers that got caught in an unfortunate circumstance, and your chest wells up with feelings as you watch Childe pull you through crowds and street vendors.

The storm is raging outside, rain pattering on windows that rattle softly from the wind. It’s soaked you both to the bone by the time you arrive at your little flat. The room is quiet save for the rain that relentlessly knocks on the windows.

The quiet sound of panting fills the room as you both catch your breath from running through the rain, towels draped over your heads as you try to warm up.

“It’s pretty rough out there,” Childe notes, looking out the window. “Any longer out there and the wind might have picked you up before I did.”

It’s wordless—the way you join him by the window to look out at a grey city. You give a silent hum as you finish towel-drying your hair. The expression you wear is serious, aloof as you’re unreadable in your thoughts.

Childe is the first to speak, his voice soft and sincere—perhaps a little disappointed at your return to keeping him at arm’s length. “I’ll get going then. Glad you could make it home sa—“

It comes as a surprise—the sudden kiss you give him. Your small hands pull him down by his shirt collar to meet your lips in a rushed kiss. He’s quick to return the gesture, his lips curved in a smirk against yours.

You pull away breathless, face a little flushed. The frown you wear is adorable, a pout almost. “I hate that I like you.”

Childe is at your lips again, a breathy chuckle rumbling through his chest as he cages you against the wall. “And here I was thinking I’d never woo you, what with you not liking the Fatui and all.”

You cut him off with another kiss to hide the heat rising to your face. “Stop talking.”

He laughs wholeheartedly, his body against yours as you melt against his lips. It’s needy and rough. The sounds of your soft pants and little gasps are washed away by the rumbling thunder outside.

And through the storm, you spend the night. Childe feels like he’s won—gained one step closer to knowing more about you. He wanted to know all your faces, uncover all the mysteries and unknowns you held. And through the night, he learned of your sensitivities, the little noises you made, and the gestures that made your heart leap.

He had you around his finger. But perhaps the same could be said about him.

Early morning comes, the light barely coming through the window to illuminate the dark room. From under a mess of sheets you stir, body sore. Your fingers graze over the blooming markings on your chest and neck.

Beside you Childe sleeps soundly, his broad back dusted in light freckles and scratch marks. The way he hugs the pillow makes his sleeping face look almost kid-like in innocence. You’d never think he was a war machine for an archon.

You push the sinking feeling away, and brush some hair out of his eyes. The featherlight kiss you place atop his head stirs him from his sleep.

“Mornin’. Here I thought you would be gone by now,” he mumbles groggily. With his tousled hair and sleepy smile, you find it incredibly difficult to feel annoyed.

“I live here.”

He chuckles at this, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you against him. You scramble to pull the blanket over your bare body and though he finds it amusing, he doesn’t comment on your shyness. “Would you mind if I stayed the morning, then? The rain isn’t letting up anytime soon.”

“That sounds like an awfully obvious lie,” you retort.

It’s hard to ignore the hardness that presses against your abdomen. The lack of shame on his content face irks you. Still, you don’t deny the way your body heats up once more.

“Your face is just so cute when you’re begging,” Childe teases, pressing kisses up your neck.

“Childe, sto—haah.”

In a swift motion, he has you straddling him. You can feel his hardness press against your ass, sending a shudder of anticipation through your body. The ache in your thighs tries to protest against the lust-driven haze clouding your judgement.

Childe’s hands are already massaging the soft flesh at your hips, hands waiting for permission. “What do you say, sweetheart? Another round if you can keep up?”

“Y–You have duties to tend to, don’t you?” you bring up meekly, eyes shut tight as he bites a sweet spot on your neck that hitches your breath. Slowly, your mind is losing itself, drunk on his attention again.

With a smirk against your skin, he answers simply, “They won’t mind my whereabouts in this weather.”

#childe #childe x reader #childe/reader #tartaglia #childe genshin impact #genshin fanfic #genshin #light smut #pwp #Childe being a hilariously persistent idiot #developing relationship #mii writes #drabble collection: coffee break for two #I’m going to punch Childe with my lips just you wait #fatui #liyueharbor

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writingtoforgetreality · 4 years ago

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New World Order - TFATWS Rewrite Chapter One (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

[Marvel-Masterlist], [TFATWS Rewrite-Masterlist]

Next Chapter

Summary: You were an Avenger. That was how the world viewed you. Nobody else knew about your past & it was for the better. After all, you had Sam. You had Bucky. That had to be enough. At least for now.

Words: 6,214

Warnings: language, sarcasm, expect some sort of slow burn, there are hints already, this is a Bucky fic, which means that it'll focus on his scenes more, spoilers for TFATWS, (Y/E/C) = your eye color

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

You were no superhero. At least, you would never say you were one. Your past was filled with actions you regretted. None of it was your fault. It was not your decision to be the child of the leader of a HYDRA base. It was not your decision to grow up like a warrior. Fighting. Killing.

Your father was the bad guy. You knew that now. As a child, you did not see through his facade. How could you? He was your dad. Someone who was supposed to love you endlessly. Those years had shaped you. Into the person you were today.

Deep down, you wished there was a way to make you forget. Forget about your past. Forget about the pain. Forget about it all. Hell, you were a laboratory experiment. Those powers did not come from nowhere. No. They came from tons of needles, pumping a toxic serum into you veins. You should not even be alive anymore. Not by what now flowed through your body. Apparently, it was for your own good. That was how your dad put it. Absolute bullshit. Growing up isolated from the world, being trained to fight, to kill, daily. Your own good my ass. If it did one thing, then it ruined your damn life.

But at least you had powers, right? Blue flames you could control. Those blue flames that were hotter than anything else in this world. It took an awful lot of time to fully have control. Truthfully, you hated that part of you with every fiber of your being. It had been the cause of one too many deaths. You had been the cause. But weakness was not in your nature. If you did not show strength you would be a disappointment. Something you really did not want to be.

Bucky was the reason you got out of this life. He was the one to rescue you out of this hell hole. He was the one to show you an entirely different part of this world. And for that, you could never thank him enough. If it were not for Bucky, you would have gone insane ages ago. Who knew if you were still here today?

The Avengers were aware of your past. Of you being a part of HYDRA back in the days. Yet, you had never elaborated this any further. If there was one thing you were good at, it was keeping things to yourself. No need to burden others with your struggles. And you did struggle. Every single day. Because your mind was filled with memories. Memories you had tried to burn. Memories you wanted to erase. Memories of you being the bad guy. Just like your dad had been.

Your life changed when you were introduced to the Avengers. They did not trust you. Not right away. But during the fight with Thanos, the one after the Blip, you proved yourself to be worthy of their trust. Especially Steve. He had been there for you. When everyone else failed to believe in you. He was gone now. And it hurt like hell. Giving up was never an option. And the universe did not plan on giving you a break anytime soon. For now, you had to bury your feelings as deep as possible. Your focus should solely be on the new threats of this world. Threats, that seemed to increase daily.

“Bucky is an asshole.” you were on the phone with Sam & the fact that the super soldier had been ignoring him for a while did not leave a good feeling inside his chest.

“What a revelation.” sarcastic comments were part of your life. It was your way of coping with everything. Frankly, it worked. More or less. “Give him some time.”

“More time? No.” sighing loudly. “I have other things to focus on.” he was referring to the mission he was about to perform.

“You sure you’ll be fine on your own?” it was not like you did not believe in his abilities. Just, life had not been the same ever since billions of people came back.

“When have I ever not been?” you could think of a few times but Sam ended the call before you even had the chance to answer. Typical.

Luckily, Sam usually told you about his missions. And you were proud of him. You really were. The situation you found yourself in? With Bucky & him? Well, it was everything but good. Bucky called you. You called Sam. Sam called you. You called Bucky. A circle you kept alive. And it sucked to be their only way of communication. For now, though, both of them were too stubborn to change anything about it.

“Enjoying the Tunisian sun I hope?” whenever Sam went on a mission, you had him call you after it. Simply because he knew you worried.

“You know it.” in the far background you could hear him working on something.

“Is everyone alright? That trainee of yours? What’s his name again?”

“Torres.” he sighed, frustrated by your question. You had asked him about a million times & apparently, you still had no clue. Truth was, you just liked messing with him. “Redwing is hurt.”

“Naaaw, poor baby.” giggling slightly. That man cared more for a piece of tech than he should.

“Shut up.” okay, better not mess with Wilson if it came to Redwing. Got it.

“When are you coming back?” your voice turned serious again. Having him gone for so long did not stick right with you. Obviously, you knew he was doing it for the greater good. But still. “I swear to all the Gods, if you say when we’re done here…” mumbling quietly but loud enough for him to hear.

“When we’re finished here.” a chuckle could be heard from his side. By the way it sounded, you assumed Torres was laughing as well. Rolling your eyes at his antics. He could be such a child sometimes.

“Oh, fuck off, Wilson.”

“Hey, language!” Sam had fun. Yeah, you were the one cracking jokes all of the time but he could deliver, too.

“Okay, you know what? Bye. Text me when you’re back.” now, it was you who did not give him enough time to respond. After all, he would have clapped back with another snarky remark & you were not in the mood for it. At all.

“Steve represented the best in all of us. Courageous, righteous, hopeful. And he mastered posing stoically.” everyone chuckled at Sam’s description. Of him. Steve. Rhodey was standing right next to you. In that suit of his. The one that made him look way more approachable than you. No need for people to approach you. They did not know who you were before. And they sure as hell did not need to. It would turn things complicated. Humans did not like complicated. You did not like it. “The world has been forever changed. A few months ago, billions of people reappeared after five years away, sending the world into turmoil. We need new heroes. Ones suited for the times we’re in. Symbols are nothing without the women & men that give them meaning. And this thing…” he paused briefly, let out a short chuckle. The shield. “I don’t know if there’s ever been a greater symbol. But it’s more about the man who propped it up, & he’s gone. So, today we honor Steve’s legacy. But also, we look to the future. So, thank you, Captain America. But this belongs to you.” the crowd erupted into cheers. Applause was filling the room & you felt out of place. What was he doing? When Sam asked you to join him here today, he left out the fact that he wanted to give away the shield. The shield Steve had trusted him enough to own. And the people surrounding you? They…celebrated him for it? This entire speech was proof enough that Wilson was worthy of this job. So why the hell did he make that decision? Watching the shield being put into the showcase, you could hardly hold in the tears that formed at the corners of your (Y/E/C) eyes. Rhodey nudged you, sensing that something was wrong. Head hanging low, you ignored him, walking out of the room as fast as possible. If you stayed here any longer, Sam would have bruises for sure. Bruises caused by you. You would not risk that. Though, he kind of deserved it.

“Where’s (Y/N)?” Sam asked Rhodey when he finished with the press. You had told him you would wait here for him. There was no sign of you.

“Left a while ago.”

“What do you mean “Left a while ago.”? Did she say where she was heading?” why did you decide to leave? Had anything happened while he held his speech? All Rhodey could do was shrug. An explanation was not given by you. And he knew better than to ask.

“Take a walk?” Rhodey suggested, completely unaware to your weird behavior. The two of you were not that close. So he did not know you like Sam did. You were an adult, after all. If you wanted to go somewhere without asking someone first, then you were allowed to do that.

Disappointment was flooding through your body. Friends told each other stuff like that, right? So why did he keep it a secret that he planned on giving away the shield. With that action, he broke Steve’s trust & you were livid. If only Steve were here right now. You missed him. So much. Next time Sam met you, you could not promise anything. Because anger was all you felt. Anger & disappointment. Grief. But that one you could keep to yourself. At least for the time being. Shit. Bucky. One hundred percent did he watch Sam giving away the shield. Oh, he would be filled with hatred. Compared to that, you were only a small threat. Bucky was the one Wilson should keep an eye on. Well, he had been trying to get a hold of him. So far, without luck.

A gunshot blasting woke Bucky up from another night invaded by nightmares. His changed hair did not put his demons at bay. His look was different but there were some things he could never get rid of. His past. The past he dreaded as much as you did. Probably what you two had in common. Being part of HYDRA & all. His breathing was irregular & there was no way in hell he could go back to sleep. It was in the middle of the night & he hated himself for relying on someone else. But he would go insane if he did not call another person right now. If he did not call you. The only one who seemed to understand what he was going through. The only one who never judged him because of his nightmares. The only one who made him feel like he was a good person. Not the killer he once had been. When HYDRA controlled him. Back, when he was called “The Winter Soldier”. Would he ever move on from that? Grabbing his old phone, he did not overthink too long & dialed your number. One, he knew by heart. Because he had called you so many times. It stuck in his head.

“Buck? Is everything alright?” concern was present in your voice. Usually, when you got a call in the middle of the night, it was him. And you were fine with it. If he trusted you enough to help him with his demons, than you were more than happy to come to his aid. No matter the time.

“I-I…it’s just, ugh, I-“ still shaken up from his nightmare, you did not need him to finish his sentence. You had been in this exact situation so many times. You knew what he needed. Your presence. Your voice. Your comfort. You.

“I’ll be there in a few.” assuring him, you were already grabbing the stuff you needed & walked out of your apartment. Only one destination in mind. Him. “Do you need me to stay on the phone?” it was a simple question. A stupid one, too. Usually, he would not say a word until you were with him. But it felt right to ask him what he wanted you to do. Needed you to do. When he did not answer for a few moments, you guessed he only nodded, not realizing that you could not see his motions. Yet, he did not hang up. Neither did you. Your breathing was enough for him. At least until you were in his apartment.

Knocking softly, as to not wake his neighbors, the door opened almost immediately after. Squeaking ever so slightly. Taking in his appearance, you could tell that it had been a bad nightmare. No, not a nightmare. A memory. You knew that because it was the reason you woke up most nights as well. If it were not for him feeling miserable, you would have drooled by the sight of him. No shirt. Hair sticking around so beautifully. Eyes you could lose yourself in. But it was not the right timing. Besides, Bucky & you were just friends. That was it. Just friends. Though, you would lie if you said that you did not feel butterflies whenever he shot you one of his charming smiles. Whenever his body brushed against yours on accident. Yes, he did have that effect on you. Hell, that was not what he needed right now. Your feelings could be dealt with later on. Bucky was all who mattered now. There was no conversation. No words exchanged. It was enough for him if you were with him. A sign that he was not alone. That he still had you. Even after everything. Even after calling you, night after night, disturbing your own rest. Not that you got much to begin with but he did not need to know that. It had always been a mystery to him. Why you stuck around still. Though you had assured him thousands of times that you were in this for good. If he needed you, you were only one call away. And he appreciated you for it. More than he would ever like to admit. Friends. You were friends.

“So, Mr. Barnes, are you still having nightmares?” another session with Dr. Raynor. Another dreaded session. It was stupid to Bucky. But there was no way out of this. He had to. Seconds of silence went by before she spoke up again. “James, I asked you a question. Are you still having nightmares?” what kind of question was that? A stupid one. That was for sure.

“No.” simple, short. Sufficient. Not for his doctor, though.

“We’ve been doing this long enough that I can tell when you’re lying. Well, you seem a little off today. Did something happen recently?”

“No.” what an answer to move this session forward. Clearly, he was not in the mood to talk today. Not even you were able to get his mind off of things. Though, you definitely made his night easier.

“You’re a civilian now. With your history, the government needs to know that you’re not gonna…” her hand motioned stabbing. Awful action but who were you to judge? Bucky nodded with that look on his face that showed how completely done he was with this situation. Yet, she kept going. “It’s a condition of your pardon. So, tell me about your most recent nightmare.”

“I didn’t have a nightmare.” well, it was worth a try. After taking a deep breath, she grabbed the pencil, ready to start writing into that notebook of hers again. “Oh, come on. Really? You’re gonna do the notebook thing? Why? It’s passive aggressive.” looked like the two of them were going back to the roots.

“You don’t talk. I write.” Bucky sighed at that. He knew he would not get out of this.

“Okay. Okay. I crossed a name off the list of my amends yesterday. Don’t worry. I used all your three rules. Senator Atwood. She was a HYDRA pawn for years. Helped her get into office when I was the Winter Soldier. And after HYDRA disbanded, she continued to abuse the power I gave her.”

“So, rule number one, you can’t do anything illegal.”

“All I did was give some intel to the aide to convict her. And I wasn’t involved in anything else.”

“Rule number two?”

“What was rule number two?” his gaze drifting off, showing he thought about it deeply. How ironic.

“Nobody gets hurt. It’s a big one.”

“Then why isn’t it rule number one?” he did have a point there. No room left for arguing about that. “I didn’t hurt anybody. I promise.”

“And what about rule number three?” Bucky’s mouth opened, yet, nothing came out. “The whole point of making amends is to fulfil rule number three.”

“You know, you’re a cynic, Doc. Of course, I completed rule number three. I am James Bucky Barnes & you’re part of my efforts to make amends.” words followed by that smile of his. That smile everyone could tell was fake. Almost creepy. But efforts, right? It was all about the efforts.

“So, you did it all right, but it didn’t help with the nightmares.”

“Well, like I said, I didn’t have any.” Bucky Barnes, everyone. Still trying to fool his doctor.

“Look, one day, you’re gonna have to open up & understand that some people really do want to help you & that they can be trusted. People like (Y/N).” the mention of your name made his eyes snap up.

“I trust more people than her.” it sounded more like he tried to convince himself more than anyone else.

“Yeah? Give me your phone.” an order. Grabbing it out of his pocket to hand it over. A short look was enough. “You don’t have ten phone numbers on this thing. Oh, & you’ve been ignoring the texts from Sam. Look, you gotta nurture friendships. I am the only person you have called all week. That is so sad…Oh, that’s not right. You called (Y/N) last night. Anything you wanna tell me about that?” closing the flip phone, she threw it over to Bucky which he caught with ease.

“What? Do I need to justify calling a friend?” chuckling & shaking his head slightly, he brushed his hands over his thighs.

“If you call that friend at 3 am, then yes. Because you should sleep at that time. Except if you had a nightmare which you claimed that you didn’t.”

“We just talked. That’s all.” he thought that brushing it off as if it were nothing was enough to get her to shut up. Hell, he had brought you up during his sessions way too many times. After all, he still wanted the situation between you guys to be subtle.

“You’re alone.”

“A minute ago, you said I had (Y/N).” he tried arguing but his attempts failed.

“You’re a hundred years old. You have no history, no family…” right, pouring salt in the wounds. That usually worked.

“Are you lashing out at me, Doc? Because that’s really unprofessional, you know? When did that start? Yelling at your clients?” she seemed to have enough & again went for the little book next to her. “Oh, the notebook. That’s great.” sighing deeply, he braced himself to take her more seriously. “All right, give me a break. I’m trying, okay? This isn’t…This is new for me. I didn’t have a moment to deal with anything, you know? I had a little…calm in Wakanda. And other than that, I just went from one fight to another for 90 years.”

“So, now that you’ve stopped fighting, what do you want?” he had an answer in mind right away. Never ever would he say it out loud. It took him a second to reply. Because what he was about to say came in union with his first thought.

“Peace.”

“That is utter bullshit.” what a nice way to bad talk his answer. Maybe she was expecting something else from him. Maybe she knew the answer just as much as he did. The real answer.

“You’re a terrible shrink.”

“I was an excellent soldier, so I saw a lot of dead bodies, & I know how that can shut you down. And if you are alone…”

“Which I’m not because I have (Y/N).”

“…that is the quietest, most personal hell. And, James, it is very hard to escape. Look, I know that you have been through a lot, but you’ve got your mind back, you are being pardoned. I mean, these are good things. You’re free.”

“To do what?”

Wednesday. Bucky usually went to Izzy. Today, he asked you to join him & Yori. Why he wanted you there with them? No clue. But it was not often he asked you to go somewhere with him so you agreed on meeting them there.

“Take a look.” Yori was a cute, old man. Reading his newspaper like a good citizen. Bucky had yet to give you an explanation as to why you were here right now. But for now, you just sat next to him, quietly observing your surroundings. “Nobody made it past 90 this week.” it was funny, to see Bucky trying his hardest to sound interested. Like he understood.

“So young. Such a shame.” his words made you scoff. Apparently, once you hit the 100 mark, you turn into a sarcastic piece. If you were not one before. If you ever made it to 100? Only the Gods knew what would come after that. Most people called you a sarcastic asshole now. Could that be topped?

“You guys didn’t order the usual, huh? Feeling a little adventurous?” the woman behind the counter directed her words at the three of you.

“Um, actually, I’ve never been here before, so…” you chuckled to avoid the awkwardness that would sure as hell build if you kept quiet now.

“You should ask her out.” Yori leaned over to Bucky & you almost choked on your food at his words. Bucky asking her out? Her? Yeah, she was beautiful & all. But her? Really? Seemed like that Yori dude did not know Bucky as well as he claimed to. You, on the other hand, were aware that nothing good would come out if it. Besides, they would not even make a nice couple. Shit, were you jealous? Oh no. Glancing over at the man next to you, his face showed just how much he despised this idea. At least something.

“Mm-mmm…” shaking his head frantically, he shot you a quick look but before his eyes locked onto yours, your gaze fell down to your plate. Slightly embarrassed. Scared that, if he looked at you, he would notice something behind your look. Something more. Something, that you wanted to keep hidden. For everyone’s sake.

“He would like to take you out on a date.” oh fuck off, Yori. You had nothing against this man but he was pushing your buttons. Could he not see that Bucky was incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of going on a date? With her? “Maybe to bingo or a night of pinochle.” hiding your laugh behind one of your hands, you could not believe that he was serious. Bucky & bingo? Well, it was for old people so you guessed it fit quite well. Not with her, though. Oh no, you really were jealous.

“I’m really sorry about him.” Bucky apologized for his friend’s behavior. Yes, you were sorry for him, too.

“Why are you sorry?” of course, now the woman was flirting with him. It got better & better. Taking a deep breath, you tried to keep your emotions at bay. You could not lash out in the middle of this restaurant, after all. Even though you were this close to doing just that. Deep breaths, you got this. “I’m game.” sure she was.

“Wow.” really? Bucky was impressed? By this? Oh come on, why would he settle for less when he could have so, so much more. But it was not your decision. He was not yours. You did not own him. Neither did you make the decisions for him.

“Tomorrow night, then?” Yori leaned over the counter.

“Tomorrow night’s great.” she replied with a bright smile.

“Hey, I just remembered something.” you spoke up all of a sudden. Bucky’s eyes met yours now & he saw that you were uncomfortable. Though, he could not pinpoint why. “Um, I-I need to go. See you, Buck. Bye guys.” sprinting out of the restaurant, you hoped nobody would follow you. Not in the mood to deal with anyone right now. All you wanted was to be alone right now. Your mind the only one keeping you company. But your mind was not really the kindest to you. Not in this particular moment. So what? Bucky had a date. You knew that would happen sooner or later. He was a good looking man. More importantly, you just wanted him to be happy. Genuinely happy.

Fucking great. Who could you talk to? You still were not done being mad at Sam. And now you were mad at Bucky for something he did not even do. He sort of did. He could have said no. If he really did not want to, he could have said no. Bucky was enough of a man to speak his mind, you knew that. Maybe he did want to go on a date with her. What was her name again? Not that you cared too much. But still. Blinking away the tears that had formed at the corners of your eyes, you kept on walking. Without a real destination. You were stupid. Friends. Why could you not accept this? Usually, you would call Steve in such a situation. Or even Tony. But it was too late now. They were not here anymore. You had to deal with that sooner or later. Whether you liked it or not. Contemplating calling Sam, you eyed your phone carefully. One more button. But nope. The anger was bigger than the need to talk to someone. Stubborn you. Wilson could make you feel better. But you would most likely end up yelling at him. And you knew you would regret your words later on. So might as well stay silent for the time being. Until you calmed down enough.

It was 10 pm. Date time for Bucky. That same restaurant. Being the gentleman that we was, he even brought her flowers. Like it used to be back in the 40s.

“Well, if that’s not the most adorably old-fashioned thing anyone’s ever done.” Bucky felt lost. In her company. “Grab a seat, I’ll be done in a few.”

“Okay.” he could up & leave. It would not be too late. All he knew was that it felt wrong.

“So, have you dated much since half the fish in the sea came back?”

“Not really. I, um…tried the whole online dating thing. (Y/N), the girl who was here with me yesterday, she set up a profile for me because I didn’t understand a single thing.” laughing at the memory, he thought back to when he called you to ask you for a favor. How you laughed at him for wanting to try this whole bullshit. “It’s pretty crazy. A lot of weird pictures.”

“What kind of weird?”

“I mean, tiger photos? Half the time I don’t even know what I’m looking at. It’s…It’s a lot. When I showed (Y/N), she simply said that this was what I signed up for.”

“You sound like my dad.” definitely something a man did not want to hear while on a date. On the other hand, he did not even want this to be a date. “Wait. How old are you?

“A hundred & six.” only he could make it sound so casually. Like it was the most normal thing on this planet. Both laughed at his words. Simply because it was so absurd.

“What’s up with your big gloves?” a sensitive topic she just touched.

“I, um, have, uh…poor circulation.” sure thing.

“Hmm…Hey, what is it about this (Y/N) girl & you?” his eyes widened at her question. What was she getting at?

“She’s my friend. Why?” his dumbfounded expression made her chuckle.

“A friend, huh?”

“Um, yeah.”

“You sure about that?” an eyebrow raised. A questioning stare was sent his way.

“Why does everyone think I don’t have friends?” throwing his head back in frustration, he let out a long sigh.

“It’s not that.” she stopped briefly, thinking about her next words carefully. “Just, you guys seem pretty close.”

“Well, we’ve known each other for years.” he reasoned, gesturing with his hands to bring his point across.

“Yeah? And the looks you’re shooting each other when the other one’s not looking?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You two aren’t really subtle about this, you know?” she wiped the counter & did not even look at Bucky. He, on the other hand, started sweating.

“Subtle about what?”

“Oh, come on. Who are you kidding? I don’t even know why you’re here right now.”

“Because Yori set you & me up on a date.”

“And why did you agree?” she crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for an explanation from the man in front of her.

“I-I don’t know.” he responded truthfully. Because he thought it to be polite? Because Yori was the one who suggested it? Honestly, he was not sure.

“That’s what I thought. Look, you’re a nice guy & all but…just, listen to your heart from time to time. It’s late. You should head out. See you.” she turned around & walked further into the restaurant. Leaving Bucky alone with his thoughts. It was clear what she intended. Did not mean that it made this entire situation any easier. Bucky left without another word. Fresh air would help him think straight.

Your phone rang & you sighed when you checked who decided to annoy you. Bucky. Of course. But wait. Should he not be on his date right now? Did something go wrong? Not that you wanted it to but if you were entirely honest, you would not be mad about it either.

“Hi Buck. What’s up?”

“I need your help with something.” there was no hesitation in his voice. Just him being straight forward.

“Please don’t tell me you need help on how to get the girl.” it was your way to lighten the mood. You did that because you could tell that he was incredibly serious. Usually, this was never a good sign.

“Can I send you an address? Can you meet me there as soon as possible?” his voice was low, deep.

“Um, sure thing. But just to set things clear…I won’t join in on your fun, Buck. That’s between you & her.” again, sarcasm was your way of coping with emotions. Though, it was not the right time to use it right now. His next words were proof enough. You should not mess with him. Not in this moment.

“Can you be serious for a second?” he raised his voice a little. It was not much but it was enough to leave you confused. Bucky was not the person to yell at you. Especially not like this.

“I’m sorry…Um, yeah, tell me where & I’ll get there as fast as I can.” gulping down, you waited for him to give you more information.

Arriving at an unfamiliar building, you could make out Bucky’s form in front of it. Why would he want to meet you here? Where was his date?

“Buck?” your voice barely above a whisper. The night sky only illuminated by the moon that shone brightly. Providing just a tiny bit of light. Enough, to let you notice your surroundings.

“Thanks for coming.” you could tell that he was stressed, tough, you were not sure why.

“Is everything alright? Because I swear, if that woman did anyth-“

“No, she didn’t. Promise.” his warm smile was encouraging enough. It was clear that he was not lying to you. “Just…didn’t work out. But that’s not why you’re here.”

“Okay?”

“My last nightmare. Do you remember?” nodding for him to continue. “How I killed that innocent man?”

“It wasn’t you, Buck. You were being controlled.” touching his shoulder softly, squeezing it to reassure him.

“Whatever…That guy, it was Yori’s son. I want to, need to, apologize. Even though the apology comes way too late.” you nodded at him, your eyes meeting his briefly. Now you knew why he called you. He did not want to do this alone. No. He wanted you by his side. To support him through it. Entering the building together, Bucky led you to the apartment Yori lived in. His hand raised to knock on the door. Surprisingly, he did not waste any time. He wanted to get this over with. Understandingly so. No words were exchanged. You being here, with him, that was more than enough.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Yori opened the door, his face showed confusion by the appearance of you two. “How was the date?” you could not help but roll your eyes at the old man in front of you. Looking at Bucky, you were worried when you saw him having an internal conversation with himself. Mouth opening & closing again. No words coming out. Risking a look inside the apartment, you noticed a small picture frame with who you assumed to be his son. The one Bucky killed. No. The one the Winter Soldier killed.

“It was…It was good.” Bucky mumbled.

“Bullshit.” you followed after. None of them heard you, though. Luckily.

“Forgot I owed you for lunch.” Bucky handed him money. If you were not mistaken, this was not a form of apologizing. He had a hard time, though, that much was obvious. Afterwards, Bucky turned around & walked away without another word. Which left you alone with a confused looking Yori.

“I’m sorry for the disturbance, sir. Have a good night.” plastering on the sweetest smile you could offer, you followed Bucky outside. Jogging to keep up with the super soldier.

Back outside, you saw Bucky holding his little notebook in his hands. You knew about it. Because you were the only person he talked to when it came to his therapy sessions. A look over his shoulder could tell that his eyes were trained on the name being circled. His body was tense. That was not what he planned.

“It’s okay, Bucky.” your hand stroked over his lower back in a comforting way. Your forehead rested against his shoulder, hoping, that it would ease him a little. You could feel him calm down at your touch. “Give yourself some time.” you mumbled quietly, knowing he could hear you clearly due to the calm night. You just hoped that he would not beat himself up too much. Not more than he already did.

You were back in your own apartment. Still no words from Sam. But that was nothing new. Sometimes, he would go radio silent for a few days but after that, he would always check in with you. Maybe he figured that you were mad at him. For giving away the shield & all. And he probably was busy with work. The work he did with Torres. If he needed your help, he would call you for sure. Your TV got your attention again. Something told you to watch closely. So you did.

“Unrest, in the wake of recent events, has left us vulnerable. Every day Americans feel it. While we love heroes who put their lives on the line to defend Earth, we also need a hero to defend this country. We need a real person who embodies America’s greatest values. We need someone to inspire us again, someone who can be a symbol for all of us. So, on behalf of the Department of Defense & our Commander-in-Chief, it is with great honor that we announce here today that the United States of America has a new hero. Join me in welcoming your new Captain America.” the crowd cheered loudly & someone walked through the door. You could not believe what was happening. Please, this had to be a bad dream. When would you wake up form this hell? A man, wearing his suit, holding his shield, greeted the people. Looking at your hands, you could see small, blue sparks forming at the tips of your fingers. That only ever happened when you had no control over your emotions. Right now, you were everything but in control. Of course he had to wink at the camera like the sick person he was.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me…” breathing out lowly, you put your head into your hands, completely ignoring the sparks there. You did not feel them anyway. If you ever met this son of a bitch it would not end well for him. And the next time you would meet Wilson? Fingers crossed he could deal with your angry & disappointed self. Because you were seething.

~to be continued~

Next Chapter

Published (04/02/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @taina-eny, @tanyaherondale, @cool-ultra-nerd, @toribentleyva, @buckyandlokirunmylife, @annadier, @howlongtillidie, @mizz-kraziii, @theetherealbloom, @millenniumloki, @marvelbros-oneshots, @ajbwasnthere, @bilesxbilinskixlahey, @mystictimetravelcolor, @dbrees256, @sxpxrnxturxl, @dreamydreamerwriting, @dolllstyles, @angelicastiel, @prettysbliss, @infinitelyforgotten, @sweetserendipity65, @lilystilinskicullen, @partypoisonsblog, @btdsprayberry, @sarai-ibn-la-ahad, @deamus-liv, @simplybarnes, @sethcohenluvr (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)

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