#only thing is why the fucking elephant

[steelyvamp]

new mario game looks kinda uncanny but hey they're trying something different so I can't complain too much

[snucius]

I'm simply in love with this scene 🖤.

When Draco fell off his broom, Severus literally jumped out of his skin -just like the mama bear he is- but Lucius was just like "Huh, whose son is he? Definitely not mine."

[theriverdalereviewer]

ENOUGH WITH THE REBOOTS AND SPIN OFFS ENOUGGGHHHHH

[bootleg-nessie]

Rating band names based on their accuracy:

(I keep updating this list so check back later)

The Beatles: 3/10. None of these people are beetles, they’re just a bunch of fruity guys from Liverpool with matching haircuts

(Edit: changed from 0/10 to 3/10 because John Lennon beat his wife)

Pink Floyd: 4/10. There is not a single person named Floyd in the band, but some of the members do arguably look kinda pink

Nirvana: 10/10. Getting high and listening to Nirvana is roughly what I imagine actual nirvana to be like

Foo Fighters: either 0/10 or 10/10. I have never seen foo in real life so either they’re pretending to fight a problem that doesn’t exist or they’re doing an absolutely fantastic job of fighting it

The Eagles: 0/10. Same as the Beatles, there is not a single eagle in this band. The name is misleading and we have all been lied to

Queen: 6/10. Partial points for Freddie Mercury

Led Zeppelin: 0/10. I don’t think any of these guys have ever even seen a zeppelin, let alone one made of lead. A lead balloon would crash faster than my hopes and dreams

The Rolling Stones: 3/10. There is not a single stone in this band. Some points added because I’m pretty sure they rolled quite a few

U2: 0/10. Despite what the name says, I am not a member of this band

Metallica: 9/10. Naming a metal band “Metallica” is like naming your dog “doggy”

Red Hot Chili Peppers: 2/10. These guys are not chili peppers. They’re not even that hot, let alone red hot

Guns N’ Roses: 0/10. How the fuck could a gun or a flower play music

Backstreet Boys: ?/10. Depends entirely on their current given location

Simon and Garfunkel: 10/10. No notes

The Doors: 1/10. Jim Morrison is kinda shaped like a door tho

Chicago: 4/10. The number of people in this band does not come even remotely close to the population of Chicago. Points added because it originated in Chicago

Earth, wind, and fire: 2/10. This is even more innacurate than Chicago. Points added because wind instruments were often used

Def Leppard: 3/10. There is not a single leopard in this band. Some of the members are probably kinda deaf by now tho

The Beach Boys: ?/10. Accuracy depends entirely on location

The Black Eyed Peas: 6/10. Not sure what the hell an ‘eyed pea’ is but the black part is pretty accurate

Imagine Dragons: ?/10. Depends entirely on whether or not they’re thinking about dragons.

Cage the Elephant: 1/10. Why would you do that. Let the elephant go

Green Day: 0/10. They’re not even green

The Police: 0/10. There is not a single cop in this band

KISS: 5/10. I’m sure they probably kissed sometimes

The Monkees: 0/10. Are you fucking kidding me

We Butter the Bread with Butter: 8/10. I can’t verify this but I have no reason to suspect that they’d lie. Butter seems like the most logical thing to butter bread with

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard: 0/10. I got really excited about the concept of a lizard wizard only to be let down. My disappointment is immeasurable

They Might Be Giants: 5/10. I googled everyone in this band’s height, the tallest guy’s only 6’1 so I wouldn’t exactly consider him a giant. Then again, I can’t really argue because the claim was only that they MIGHT be giants

The Presidents of the United States of America: 2/10. None of these people are Joe Biden nor are any of them former presidents. This is incredibly misleading. I’m pretty sure “Lump” was written about my first girlfriend tho so I’ll give them a point or two

Gorillaz: 2/10 Not quite but we’re kinda close genetically so I’ll give them partial credit

The Killers: ?/10. I have no way of verifying if they’ve actually killed before but the fact that they’re not in prison tells me probably not

The Offspring: 10/10. These guys are definitely somebody’s offspring

Arctic Monkeys: 1/10. They are neither monkeys nor are they from the arctic

Thirty Seconds to Mars: 1/10. It takes WAY longer to get to mars than that

Beastie Boys: 8/10. They’re pretty beast on the guitar

Jimmy Eat World: 1/10. Slow the fuck down Jimmy, you’re biting off way more than you can chew

Hole: 9/10. One point deducted because I’m pretty sure they had more than one hole

Rage Against the Machine: 10/10. They did exactly that

Alice In Chains: 0/10. This is illegal. Let Alice go

The Band: 10/10. This could not possibly be more accurate

Nine Inch Nails: 1/10. I can’t find any good pictures of their feet but from what I can tell their fingernails definitely aren’t nine inches long

Bush: ?/10. Not quite sure about this one, felt uncomfortable asking

The Who: 2/10. I’m not dealing with this “Who’s On First” bullshit

Radiohead: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a radio for a head

Queens of the Stone Age: 0/10. This band should be called “five random dudes from the modern era” but FRDFTMA is a bit of a mouthful

Soundgarden: 2/10. Sound does not grow in the garden

Sonic Youth: 5/10. They’re not exactly youth anymore but the sonic part checks out

Talking heads: 8/10. There’s more to the band than just a bunch of disembodied heads but the heads do tend to talk

The Cranberries: 0/10. Decent music but I only added them so that the Beatles and Freddie Mercury weren’t the only fruits on this list

The Wiggles: 8/10. They do tend to wiggle a lot

Blue Man Group: 10/10. Yep!

Weezer: 5/10. They all look like they definitely have asthma

Limp Bizkit: 3/10. While the visual image of baked goods playing the guitar is hilarious, Fred durst is not a biscuit. Points added because he probably has erectile dysfunction

Stone Temple Pilots: 0/10. None of these people are accredited as being licensed to pilot anything, much less an entire stone temple. Stone temples don’t need pilots anyways

Wasted Youth: 8/10. I guess it really kinda depends on how you frame it but yeah, they probably wasted a lot of it

Them Crooked Vultures: 3/10. These are people and not birds but Dave Grohl’s posture is kinda bad and John Paul Jones is so old that his neck kinda looks like a vulture’s so I added some points

Audioslave: 0/10. Slavery is illegal

Traveling Wilburys: 4/10. Sure, they traveled a lot but not a single one of those lying bastards was named Wilbury

D12: 6/12. There were only 6 people in this band

NWA: 10/10. I’m a little too white to safely comment on this one but I’d say they nailed it

Jet: 1/10. A real jet would be way too loud

Goldfinger: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a finger made out of gold

No Doubt: ?/10. I can’t really be too sure how Gwen Stefani felt but I think it’s probably a safe assumption that she had some doubts

The White Stripes: 3/10. I bet if you stripped them down naked and made them stand shoulder to shoulder and squinted really hard they’d probably look more like white stripes

Screaming trees: 3/10. They scream occasionally

Garbage: 2/10. I think they’re being a little harsh on themselves, their music isn’t THAT bad

Butthole Surfers: 5/10. Not even gonna touch this one

Megadeth: 3/10. To be fair, some of the former members are dead but only a little amount of death, not mega death

Dead Kennedys: 2/10. Last I checked Kennedy was still dead but neither he nor his clones are members of this band

Cake: 0/10. The cake is a lie

Cracker: 8/10. Most of them are

Tool: 7/10. I don’t know much about their music but they sure look like tools

Counting Crows: ?/10. Is this what emo kids do instead of counting sheep? Accuracy depends on whatever bird they happen to be counting at the moment

Dave Matthews Band: 10/10. It certainly is

Oasis: 1/10. Their music is the opposite of an oasis

Blur: 2/10. They are not that fast

Barenaked Ladies: 0/10. If I wanted to be this disappointed I’d reestablish a connection with my biological father instead

Meat Puppets: 10/10. Technically, aren’t we all?

Live: 8/10. Apparently they still do live shows but I deducted some points because I’ve only ever heard their music on Spotify

ABBA: 9/10. I’m still not giving any points to Guns N’ Roses but that’s mostly out of spite

5 Finger Death Punch: 8/10 I guess it probably depends on how hard you hit them but this seems to be the usual amount of fingers to punch somebody with

All American Rejects: 9/10. They’re all rejects from America so I don’t really see any issue with this

T. Rex: 0/10. Even if any of these people WAS a T. Rex I don’t think their arms would be long enough to play their instruments

Free: 0/10. Unless you steal their music, in which case it becomes a 10/10

The Strokes: 3/10. To my knowledge, none of them have had a stroke but I still added a few points because the name was probably accurate for other reasons

The Smashing Pumpkins ?/10. Another thing I have no way of verifying but this seems like a waste of perfectly good pumpkins

Therapy?: ?/10. The hell are they asking me for? I don’t know their medical history

Twenty One Pilots. 0/10. There’s only two of them and neither is a licensed pilot

Finger Eleven: 0/10. Leave the poor Stranger Things girl out of this

Fall Out Boy: 9/10. I conferred with an expert on this one who confirmed that they are in fact boys who had a falling out

Cream: 8/10. Considering this was the OG supergroup I’m sure a lot of people did in fact cream when their music came out

Edit: humans aren’t fucking monkeys. Stop saying we are

[cvnntagious]

:: babydaddy!matt has no problem sticking up for brat!reader

matt wasn't the type to get easily riled up—especially not to where he felt the need to get physical about it. he was more the type to talk things out, most would say. and that's exactly why it was such a shock when you made your way towards the commotion in the living room to see matt with a guy under him, fists of fury hammering into the poor dude's face.

for a moment, you contemplated if this was something you even wanted to involve yourself in, given is was your child's father. but when matt's hand continued coming down repeatedly with no sign of stopping any time soon, his opposer barely fighting back at this point, you couldn't find it in him to let him just keep kicking this guy when he was so clearly down.

giving a harsh tug on matt's plain black t-shit, you pulled him off like he were a misbehaving dog. his head snapped back to see who had grabbed him, brows unfurrowing the moment he came face to face with you.

his breathing was ragged, waiting for you to berate him as the people surrounding you two scrambled to stop the guy who was once lying on yhe dloor from standing up. to his surprise, you pulled him along with an annoyed grunt, slipping out of the party amidst the chaos of the fight. "where're we going?" matt asked, only to be ignored as he followed behind you until you guys were far from the house.

"i knew this was a stupid idea," you finally muttered, letting go of his wrist to turn and look up at him as you two stood in front of his car. your eyes, scanned his face, maneuvering your head to get a good look at any injuries he may have.

matt's mouth opened, wanting to explain. he knew you didn't want to hear it. "m'not hurt," he replied simply, shaking his head as his eyes finally met yours.

you clicked your tongue, giving him a deep sigh as your eyes rolled for what already felt like the millionth time tonight. "what's your problem?" you asked, addressing the big fat elephant standing right in front of your guys' faces, "forget you're an adult now, hm? have been for almost five years... fighting's how you catch cases, dumbass."

the scoff that left his lips made you want to slap some sense into matt, giving him a look that said, 'are you a fucking idiot?' as you waited for whatever lame excuse he might conjur up. but you should've known better than that. you knew matt had never been the type to go out fighting recklessly, so you should've known something had seriously bothered him. and the fact that something so simple had slipped your mind made his reasoning all the more shocking. "kid was talking shit," he answered, eyes averting to look anywhere but you, one hand coming up to rest on his hip as if he were embarrassed to admit it.

again, you weren't paying enough attention. "yeah? what, he said your fancy little carharts weren't cool enough or something? so you had to go and risk literal jail time?" you insulted, growing increasingly more annoyed with each passing second, "i mean, seriously, i don't know what i'd do if that guy chooses to press charges—you better hope nobody recorded that."

matt looked at you with a softness to his eyes, feeling his chest tightening a bit at your words; for a moment, those last few sentences made it feel like you needed him. of course, he knew in the back of his mind that you were thinking of mazzy, but he'd like to remain at least the slightest bit delusional in the moment. "come on," he scoffed again, "it was about you... the guy was talkin' shit 'bout you. was i supposed to jus' let him?"

the confession made your breath hitch a little, head pulling back and brows furrowing in a mild confusion. then, you came back to your senses, the attitude rising within you apparent on your features. "what'd he say?" you asked with a quick work of your neck.

"s'nothing important." matt was quick to brush you off, a certain coldness washing over him.

"really? then why'd you fight about it," you pressed on, a brow raising as if to tell him you simply didn't believe him.

he shook his head, mouth openining and closing as matt thought of an excuse. he couldn't – or, moreover, he didn't want to lie to you. "jus' spewin' some bullshit about you, like, bein' overly difficult... said you rejected him an' shit earlier. i guess he was upset about it," he answered, realizing he may have overreacted a bit now that he was explaining it out loud.

"that's all?"

matt shot you a confused look, shrugging a bit. "yeah—i mean, i also saw him tryin' t'grab on you earlier, so..." even that that wasn't really all, truthfully. it was the way the guy was so persistent, eager to start some sort of smear campaign against you between all of his friends. his lack of regard for matt as he badmouthed you, knowing what matt was to you. what you meant to matt.

you were quick to push past him, another annoyed grunt as you shoulder checked him. "just let him talk next time," you mumbled through gritted teeth, "that's not your battle."

matt turned and watched you walk away, in utter disbelief that this was how he was getting treated for standing up for you. of course it was his battle. who else was going to fight it? you? absolutely not. that guy got what was coming to him, saying whatever so carelessly.

"stay if you want," you called back, head turning to look at him, "m'gonna stop by your house to pick up mazzy from chris and nick."

w/c : 971 taglist : @mattsturnswife, @br1annax, @x0x0bunny, @m4ttsmunch, @mattsnumberonehoe, @k4yd1, @sturnobsessedwh0re, @sturnstar169, @bxtchboy69, @strnilolover, @little-miss-shay, @sweetobservationface requested by anon.

[lost-romantique]

Avoidance vs. Vulnerability

I love how so much of Blitzø’s character development is rooted in his body language.

Lets examine:

"IT WAS NOT A BREAKUP! You need a relationship for one of those and we never had that... and we never will."

Blitz, after yelling at Millie's face clarifying to her that it wasn't a Breakup, only to immediately turn his head the other direction because he doesn't want to see her face.

This is Blitz being avoidant and trying his damndest to keep up that facade he always puts on.

Despite the fact, that his voice breaks when he says the words "... and we never will," Blitz is making sure Millie does not see his face. Showing to us the audience that Blitz still has his walls up around Millie.

Millie makes a joke to Blitz about "trying to not be our third anymore," fully expecting Blitz to make his usual spastic joke, deflecting the situation as he always does...

But the thing is, Blitz doesn't make a joke to avoid the question, he simply states very seriously, "No, not anymore."

Millie is confused and shocked, almost with a sad expression on her face. Millie has never seen Blitz act so seriously before and it shows.

However, with the complete obliteration of his walls caused by the trauma he suffered by Rolando, Blitz now feels comfortable enough to let Millie see the real him.

Millie states the elephant in the room, "The bird got you that bad, huh?"

Or in other words...

Wow, you really have feelings for this guy...

And Blitz simply states the words, "I guess." Showing to us, in the most simple, bare bones way that yeah, he does have feelings for him.

I love how Blitz looks straight at the camera when asked this question, he doesn't make an effort to look at Millie and he still averts his eyes the other direction showing to us how uncomfortable he is with being vulnerable.

But the biggest thing Blitz does in his body language is the fact that he doesn't try to purposely hide his face away from Millie, he just dejectingly looks off into the distance, because even though he's accepted and acknowledged his feelings for Stolas, he's still aware of the fucks up he made in Apology Tour.

Millie makes one last good-natured joke towards Blitz to lighten the mood, and Blitz simply averts his gaze Millie's direction with a grateful smile, almost giving her thanks for not dwelling on the conversation for too long.

(Stolas I get it, I am also down bad for this man. JFC if you don't want him, can I please have him?)

Blitz with relaxed eyes, simply plays into her joke, "Well you know, your husband is still a little fuckable."

I love how Blitz doesn't fully play into Millie's joke, he makes sure to add that little there to NOT downplay his feelings for Stolas.

Ghostfuckers is my new favorite episode of Helluva Boss, and one of the reasons why has to be the amazing character development Blitz and Millie went through this season.

[starmocha]

Crow in the Bedroom [Sylus/Reader ★ 666 words ★ Masterlist ★ Series Index ★ AO3] Sexy time with Sylus interrupted. A/N: You know…I did not expect Sylus to mention Mephisto as often as he does, and you know what? That’s adorable of him. Have something silly here.

This was weird.

This was very weird.

This was so very fucking weird.

“Sylus?”

Amid the soft kisses Sylus was adorning your neck, you heard his low questioning hum as a response to your call, though his sweet kisses showed no sign of ceasing any time soon. You laid motionless on the luxurious bed staring up at the ceiling of his large extravagant bedroom, rendered completely submissive for him to use as he pleased in the moment. Normally, you were more than ready to bed the leader of Onychinus, because why the fuck wouldn’t you be? The man was built like a god, and he was so effortlessly and sinfully sexy in everything he did, including fucking you senseless until you were a quivering mess for him and him alone.

But not tonight.

No matter how toned his delicious abs were, or the way he hungrily gazed at you with those smoldering bedroom eyes, you could not ignore the obvious elephant in the room, or rather, in this case, the crow in the bedroom.

“Does he have to be in the bedroom with us?”

“Who?” Sylus paused and stared down at you confused.

“Mephisto!”

Sylus glanced behind him at the perch where the mechanical crow was sitting. He chuckled and shook his head, confused by your discomfort. “Sweetie, he’s just a mechanical crow.”

“He is sentient! He understands things! And he remembers things! And…and…”

“You’re overreacting.”

“Am not!”

“Come on,” Sylus resumed his earlier ministration, giving your right earlobe a light playful nip, pleased when you responded in surprise, “Are you really going to obsess over Mephisto when I am right here?”

“He’s watching us.”

Sylus groaned, annoyed. He relaxed most of his weight on top of you, only holding himself up by his forearms, as he pressed his forehead to yours. “Sweetie,” he started, vexed, “You are really killing the mood tonight.”

“Me or the crow?” you glared right back straight into his crimson eyes.

“He has a name,” Sylus responded, annoyed.

“That’s what you’re concerned about?!”

“Fine,” Sylus said, gritting his teeth, “If I get rid of him, can we get back to our…activities?”

You nodded coyly, earning a smile from him. You sighed. “That’s all I’m asking.”

“Consider it done then.”

The bed shifted as Sylus lifted himself off of you, getting up to walk over to where Mephisto was on his perch. You sat up and watched curiously as Sylus led the crow out. You could have sworn Mephisto had let out an indignant squawk from being evicted out of the bedroom. Once the bedroom door closed again, Sylus flashed you a smirk.

“Feel better now?”

He walked back over to the bed and sat down on the edge, pulling you in for a deep kiss. Everything seemed to be going well in the beginning, or so Sylus thought, but after a few seconds, he couldn’t ignore the fact that you seemed to be less enthused with the current activity.

Sylus stilled suddenly, pulling away from the arguably lukewarm, one-sided kiss with a frown. “You know, sweetie,” he started, trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible, “it would be nice if you could be a little more engaged right now.”

“He’s outside the bedroom.”

“Well, of course he is,” Sylus responded, staring at you in utter confusion, “I’d just led him out.”

“No, no way, this is not happening tonight.”

“What?!”

“I’m too weirded out,” you insisted, “What if…he hears us?”

“Sweetie…”

“Forget it. I’m going to sleep.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Good night, Sylus!”

You promptly laid down under the cover, turning your back to him, missing the look of absolute bewilderment on the normally haughty face of the powerful leader of Onychinus. Outside the bedroom, the two of you could have sworn you both heard Mephisto’s “ca-caws” that sounded almost like laughter.

Sylus closed his eyes, and he rubbed his temple as he gritted his teeth again, wondering with irritation if he had just gotten cockblocked by a mechanical bird.

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One Two

“I’m really sorry,” Steve is saying before Eddie has the door fully open, but it makes Eddie smile. It feels like Steve has started saying ‘I’m sorry,’ instead of ‘hello’ as a matter of course.

It’s Sunday afternoon though, and Eddie isn’t cooking anything and Steve isn’t holding an empty plate, so Eddie has no clue what Steve could be sorry for this time.

“Could you come and help me with something? It’ll just take two moments.”

“Sure thing,” Eddie agrees easily, slipping on his adventure crocs and following Steve down the hall.

Eddie follows Steve into and then through his apartment into the small bedroom. It’s a two bed apartment, the same as Eddie’s. Eddie uses his spare room to store his guitars. He has a desk in there too; a place to write and paint his miniatures and do guitar maintenance.

It’s a nursery. It’s cute, animal themed. The ceiling is painted powder blue, which drops down onto the walls about a foot before ending in a neatly done scalloped edge. The walls are white, but have cloud shapes printed on them in the same blue. There are random tufts of painted grass popping up from the floor; some with flowers. The rocker and the other furniture, including crib and chest of drawers, are all painted the same green, and the blinds are green jungle, with elephants and big cats and monkeys hiding amongst the leaves. A lot of the soft things are yellow and white, and Eddie has not a fucking clue as to the sex of Steve’s pup, so he asks as much.

Steve smiles, “I don’t know. I didn’t want to know. I like surprises.”

“Huh. Well. I’m always the one shaking the gifts at Christmas, but I do love a surprise too. What did you need?”

“We have the fixings for the mobile there ready, but I clean forgot about it until now, and I’m too big to stretch up there. Didn’t do it at the time because we were moving furniture and I was frightened I’d break it.”

“Okay sure,” Eddie takes the dangly parts of the mobile; cute little moons and stars and sun shapes, and fixes it to the bit already attached to the ceiling. It’s nice, and easy to figure out, but it does hang low so he gets what Steve means.

He also sees why Steve can’t reach; he seems to have suddenly gotten even bigger over the last week, and he's also only been wearing these sort of loose shift dresses, like a blouse, a button up, and a tent had a horrendous love child.

He looks gorgeous though. Eddie always thought pregnancy must be pretty fucking miserable; your body betraying you almost. Needing to pee all the time, unreasonable hormones. Cravings. Morning sickness. Odd shit happening all over the place. Eddie always figured telling pregnant people that they’re ‘glowing’ was just a nice thing people said to make them feel better during what must be a pretty shitty nine months.

Not with Steve though. Steve’s actually glowing. Not like literally glowing but...he’s beautiful, and Eddie suddenly understands what all the fuss is about.

Steve clears his throat. Right. Right okay, Eddie’s creepy staring, “so I was going to make chicken parm again tonight, since I know you like it and it’s been a bit...do you maybe want to get out the apartment and come to another, slightly different, apartment?”

Steve laughs a little, looking at where his hands cradle his bump, before looking back up, cheeks pink, “I think I’d like that.”

Eddie’s laid the table as nice as he can. He snagged a little bunch of daisy looking things out of the garden and shoved them in a mug, just because he remembered Steve’s little daffodil.

He doesn’t own place mats, but he does dig out a table cloth he usually only uses for games night; it’s black, but it’s clean.

Steve settles himself at the table and Eddie goes and gets dinner, he can’t help but notice Steve shift in his seat, wincing.

“You okay?”

Steve hums, “been getting funny back pain, but it’s all normal. Could be anything really, just the weight of the baby, or maybe they are leaning on my sciatic nerve. It’s all fine. Nearly done now.”

Steve takes the first bite of his dinner and hums appreciatively. It makes Eddie warm inside, a little tickle of his brain releasing happy chemicals. Omega is being fed. Omega is safe and happy.

Eddie tells it to fuck off.

“So you’re due soon?” Which feels like he;s stating the obvious, Steve is the size of a tiny moon.

“Tomorrow.”

Eddie makes a noise, startled, then nearly chokes on a string of spaghetti, “excuse me,” he manages to get out, before drinking half his water, Steve looking half concerned and more than a little amused from the other side of the table. “Tomorrow?” Eddie asks weakly.

Steve nods, chewing and swallowing before he answers, “the due date is tomorrow, but it’s the norm really for first pups to go over that, even more normal with male Omega, don’t worry, it’s fine. Although it should be soon, I passed the mucus plug yesterday.”

Eddie nearly chokes again, “the what?” he tries his best not to sound too horrified.

“Oh. Sorry, you probably don't want to hear about the uhm, the kind of gross stuff.”

“No, no, of course it’s fine what is...uhm...that?” And Eddie is fully prepared to regret acquiring this cursed knowledge. He doesn’t even know what it is and he’s already eyeing his spaghetti sauce dubiously. For Steve though...he will learn about the gross stuff.

“Oh, well, when you’re pregnant you get sort of this...lump of...gacky stuff and blood. You don’t have periods when you’re pregnant usually, so it kind of protects everything from infection getting in and stuff like that.”

Eddie takes a deep breath and lets it out, blowing up his bangs, and makes himself eat his dinner normally, “fair enough, but that means you’re...kinda’ close?”

“Well, kinda’. Robin’s spending this morning with her girlfriend and then this afternoon sorting her place out. She’ll be over later, she’s moving in until the pups a week old or so, just make sure I’m okay.”

“She’s...a really good friend, right?” It warms Eddie to know Steve has someone like that in his life.

“Yeah...she’s been there with me through everything. Every appointment, all the classes, everything. Even when I decided I wanted to do this it was...it was right after yet another crappy breakup, you know. She could have said all the sensible things about maybe it's not the right time yet, or that I should...think about it. You know, all that things that would have been totally reasonable for her to say but I'd just...I’d just had enough of waiting and she said she’d support me whatever, and that was that. She’s the best.”

Steve shifts again, putting down his cutlery to try and stretch his back out, hissing with pain, “you sure you’re okay?” Eddie asks, concerned.

“Yeah, fine I think,” Steve bends forward then, gripping the edge of the table and breathing out harshly through his nose, “oh that felt weird.”

Eddie’s up and coming around the table before he can stop himself, hovering his hands, not sure if it’s okay to touch, “Steve?”

“I...oh. Oh gosh I’m so sorry Eddie,” Steve stands cautiously revealing a very clear wet patch on the seat.

“I...that’s fine,” Eddie squeaks out, “are you...is this. Is that…?”

“Yeah, pretty sure my water just broke. And I really wanted that chicken parm,” Steve sighs.

“I can make it again,” Eddie says reflexively, “kind of feel like there’s bigger things to think about what should- like can I help? What do we do?”

Eddie finds himself, very strangely, not panicking. Like, well, maybe a little, but not an uncontrollable amount. Which now he’s here that’s a really nice surprise.

“I’ll just call Robbie, and then will you walk me home?”

And Eddie had maybe had inappropriate thoughts about walking Steve home so he could steal a kiss, not whatever this is. But. Still. “Of course.”

Steve smiles at him with his phone next to his ear, “it’s go time Birdie. Oh, what was I supposed to say? Code red? The eagle is...leaving? I can’t remember, you couldn’t make your mind up about the-” Steve hisses, bending to lean on the table, “yep, yep, see you soon.”

Steve hangs up, telling Eddie she’s on her way as they walk down the hall, dinner abandoned on the table. Steve chooses to stand, walking little laps back and forth along the back of the couch, “is there anything I can do?”

“My bag and car seat are in the nursery, if you don’t mind grabbing those?” Eddie does, putting Steve’s things right by the door, “oh, and a towel, from the bathroom? I don’t want to make a mess in Rob’s car.”

“Sure thing,” Eddie grabs a bath towel from there, and puts it on top, just as Steve’s phone starts ringing.

Eddie can practically feel it when Steve tenses up, his scent turning bitter with distress. Despite what’s going on, Steve’s scent hadn’t changed at all until now, “your car won’t start?”

He sounds terrified.

“I. Yeah. Okay. I can wait I’ll- okay.”

“Okay?” Steve shakes his head, eyes suddenly wet, he looks like he’s biting back tears and Eddie can’t stop himself from going to him.

“She’s got to wait for Chrissy to get to her place and pick her up, then they’ll come over,” Eddie has to make this better. He has to.

“Okay, how about this, me and you go now, I’ll take you, and they can meet you there? That’ll make it faster right?”

“I mean, I’m not...I mean labor can take hours and hours, I’m being silly I just- Eddie I’m a bit scared. She was supposed to be here, it’s a bit too soon.”

They end up holding hands, which Eddie’s kind of thrilled about even if Steve is squeezing the life out of him, “would you feel better if you were waiting at the hospital?”

Steve bites his lip, clearly torn, “are you sure you don’t mind?”

“I’ll get my keys.”

Part Four

[soo0hee]

Too Much

Pairing — Xu Minghao x Reader

Summary — Sometimes meditating is not enough to keep Minghaos temper at bay and sometimes he says things he doesn't mean...

Genre — angst, established relationship, idol!au

Warnings — argument, Hao is an idiot

Word Count — 0.8k

Rating — pg-13

Disclaimer: this fic is written and copyrighted by ©soo0hee on tumblr. do not rewrite or repost on any other plattforms without my permission.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!

Shocked and with your jaw on the floor you stared into Minghaos dark eyes.

You understood that with all of his busy schedules, he was tired when he came home and that all he wanted would be to relief some of his stress with a hot shower, a nice nap and maybe some cuddles. You understood all of it.

However what you didn’t understand was why he regularly would let out his frustrations on someone who had nothing to do with any of the causes he felt so tired, namely you.

It was a conversation that you had tried to have with him on multiple occasions, yet your boyfriend seemed to try and ignore the obvious elephant in the room and every single time you had let yourself be swayed into giving in.

“Can we not do this now? I promise we will talk about it in the morning.” Was what he would say, only to be gone by the time you woke up.

This time though, you were ready to insist on this conversation being held. You just couldn’t ignore it anymore!

You had a job too! A job that stressed you out too and being the on to receive his mood was beginning to weight heavily on your shoulders.

But now, after the screaming match you had just had, you weren’t quite sure if this was your best idea.

The words he had spat at you just seconds ago were ringing in your ears and you could feel the burn behind your eyes. Tears just waiting to be spilled.

“Stop annoying me with this every few day. Seriously, you’re being to much right now!”

You knew that he had surprised himself with his words, the look of shock and guilt clouding his face immediately after the they had left him, but you didn’t want to hear it.

You didn’t want to hear his excuse of why he had said it because it was obvious that while surprised, some part of him did think you were being to much.

For a second you were unsure if you even had the right to tell him this. Maybe you were being in the wrong here?

Your inner voice shook its head. No! You had just as much right to be treated like a human then he had!

“I-“ he tried to say but you held up your hand, the tears that had burned in your eyes now falling freely in silence.

“Don’t.”

You rushed away, letting those tears fall down your face as you locked the bedroom door behind you, preventing Minghao from getting inside.

You didn’t care if he had to sleep on the couch or what it would do to his back and neck. You didn’t give a fuck if he would be waking up in pain in the morning. And you didn’t want to know what kind of apologize he was trying to come up with.

He couldn’t make it better, at least not right now.

Curling together underneath your blanket, hiding away from the world while sobs spilled from your mouth you clutched your favorite pillow to your chest. It was drenched in Minghaos scent because he had the habit of sleeping on every inch of the bed he could reach. More tears fell.

Was this how he felt about you all this time? It would make sense with all the aggression thrown your way recently but why hadn’t he just broke it off if that was the case?

You were sure that it would have hurt less if he had…

Minghaos words kept repeating themselves in your head anytime you managed to calm down a little, only to send you back into a fit of tears.

Outside Minghao sat on the floor, quietly listening to your devastation with his head resting against the hard surface of the door.

He hadn’t meant to say such horrible things to you, especially since they weren’t even true. He had a temper, that much he knew but he had never lost it as much as he had earlier. Not with someone he loved so much that his heart was shattering just listening to you.

While the rest of his members knew how he could be and knew to leave him to cool down, you and him had never fought this much before.

“I’m so sorry love…” he whispered into the by now dark hallway.

The hours ticked by and the apartment fell silent. You had cried yourself to sleep and Minghao didn’t dare leave the door, wanting to stay as close as you let him be.

His ass was hurting by now and he wondered if you had locked the door or only pulled it shut…

He reached for the handle and carefully tried to pull it down, internally cheering when it opened with a silent -click-.

The sight greeting him was just as heartbreaking as your sobs had been. Your face was swollen and dried tear tracks still visible. Wanting to kick himself for being the cause of this, he knelt on the mattress next to your sleeping form.

He wasn’t sure how, but he would make sure that you knew how sorry he was and how much he loved you…

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

🎃 A Warm Body

Oviposition CW: egg laying Monster!Reader based on an Anon❤️ from a while ago, yandere!human, reader with male and female reproductive organs

Growling in frustration, (Reader's) long claws carved into the concrete flooring of the room they were kept prisoner.

Their swollen body ached with how full they were, going mad with how desperate they were for release. As soon as they emerged from the Earth to reproduce, a human shot them with enough tranquilizers to put down a herd of elephants, which is why (Reader) now found themselves in what was essentially a concrete box, locked in by a large steel vault. (Reader) cried out in need, craving release.

The metal door spun obnoxiously, multiple mechanisms whirring as it unlocked and squealed open. The man who shot (Reader) quickly entered, shutting the door closed again behind him. There were so many things he wanted to say, an entire romantic monologue planned for the creature he had spent his entire life obsessing over, researching and hunting despite no one else believing in (Reader's) existence. But before he could open his mouth, (Reader) had him by the leg, dragging him down beneath them.

(Reader) ignored the man's happy squeaks, ripping his clothes off to find a suitable hole. His face glowed with heat, blushing as he pitifully attempted to cover up his body. But his small, human body was no match for (Reader's), effortlessly holding the man up by his hips, unfazed by his weak flailing. With his ass presented to (Reader) they couldn't help groaning, nearly bursting just from the thought of being able to mate.

They pushed the man onto their large depositor, screaming in pleasure at how snuggly he fit on them. (Reader) slid him against them, animalistic grunts bouncing off the concrete walls as they mercilessly fucked him.

His smile and incoherent babbling was cute, but (Reader) didn't really care. It didn't matter that it felt good for their abductor, that he was in complete and utter bliss. Nor did they appreciate his erect penis twitching with his building climax, about ready to cum without touching it. The only thing that mattered was coating the insides of his ass with their protective slime, forming a type of pocket to protect their eggs from his bodily functions.

Squelching sounds filled the air as he slapped into (Reader's) pelvis wetly, creating strings of fluids stretching between their bodies. (Reader) could feel that they had pumped enough nesting liquid into him, with how round he was already becoming.

The man erratically spasmed as the first egg entered his asshole, hitting his prostate on the way in. Cum hit the concrete with the next egg, off-white droplets landing pathetically by (Reader's) feet and dripping onto his own face from the doubled over position.

But (Reader) wasn't done. Eggs continued pumping into his body, brushing past the overstimulated man's sensitive spot, bringing him to tears as his post ejaculated body was overwhelmed, fucking deep into his aching hole.

He couldn't stand or run away, his legs weak from his orgasm and his body tired from the sudden bloating from his unnatural impregnation. (Reader) carefully pulled out after finishing, satisfied from laying their first brood. The man wasn't a bad host for their offspring, still smiling through his drool and tears. His full body was cradled against (Reader's) protectively, feeling content with the new life laid inside of him.

(Reader) may have only needed a warm body, but they didn't mind using this one for the rest of their mating needs ❤️

[seat-safety-switch]

Visiting the zoo is a lot of fun. You can see an elephant, you can see a rhinoceros, you can see a giraffe. All of these animals don't come from where I am, and through a process I don't like to think too much about, here they are, regardless.

I know lots of people don't like zoos, but if they came with me and experienced the same things I do, they would think otherwise. Those elephants are only bored if you are doing boring things. They're just like us. Imagine if you were stuck in your house, looking out the window all day long at folks wandering by and occasionally making fun of you. You'd be mad. At the very least, you'd be bored, which is worse than being mad. Now imagine some guy does a wheelie on a golf cart. Hey – that's exciting stuff.

Yes, the zoo is gonna say otherwise. They were perfectly happy with the way things have always been. When you're number one, why try harder, right? The reason why you try harder is because you care deeply about the intellectual needs and enrichment of these proud zoo animals. And also because once you pry the restrictor out of a Cub Cadet, and shift your weight just so, you can get those front wheels in the air terrifyingly easily. Sounds great, too, if you have the brains to cut a hole in the muffler first. Giraffes appreciate that, trust me.

So I'm telling you right now, folks in the jury. Do you want frothy, high-falutin' zookeepers to keep maintaining the status quo, or do you want to strike a blow for animal rights? I say we tell this judge that the case should be thrown right the fuck out, and then we can go ride dirt bikes in the parking lot, just in case there's any animals hiding in the bushes that could do with some entertainment. I am pretty sure I saw a possum out there this morning.

[batfam-my-beloved]

AU where Batman has a "no killing" rule but that only applies to Batman

Bruce understands that people have their own form of morality and justice. He's not going to fault a soldier for doing what they have to do to protect people. It's just that he personally would probably never go that far. Not that he can't, mind you, he's fucking Batman! Just that the mental and emotional toll would fuck him up so bad he'd be a danger to himself and society.

So when it comes to his murder happy children his rule for them is: "Wait until you're 18."

Bruce: "Dickie, I know Tony Zucco killed your parents and he deserves WAY worse than a punctured lung, two broken legs, a fractured skull, and a dislocated shoulder. But you're also 10 yrs old and the parenting books say that murder at such a young age is not good for a child's emotional development. So how bout we keep him locked up in jail, good and tight, and if you're still mad about it when you turn 18 then you can have at it. Sound good chum?"

Dick, pouting and kicking rocks: "I guess."

Tim "forever 17" Drake is just counting down the days until his 18th birthday because that mother fucker has a list. He doesn't mind waiting because he god damn knows there are worse things than death one can do to someone.

Damien has been killing since he could walk and hold up a sword, so when he comes to live with his father under the "no killing until 18" rule he is NOT happy about it. Until his brothers start poking fun at him.

Damien, pouting: "It isn't fair! Todd gets to go out and kill people!"

Bruce: "Jason is over 18 yrs."

Jason: "Yeah! And besides, its not my fault you're just uncreative in how you beat up bad guys!"

Damien: "What is that supposed to mean!"

Tim: "It means that there are worse things than death but you're just too dumb to know it."

Damien, furious: "Am not!"

Jason and Tim, teasing: "Are too!"

Damien: "AM NOT!"

Jason and Tim: "Are tooooo!"

Dick, tired: "Guys, stop making fun of him. He's just gunna take it as a challenge."

Damien, determined: "Well I accept this challenge! I'll provide my superiority as a vigilantly by taking out the enemy in non-lethal yet appropriately brutal ways of punishment! Just you watch!"

Bruce, weary yet appeased: "Well at least he's not gunna attempt murder for a while."

Jason didn't come with an automatic kill switch so Bruce didn't really have to worry about it. But then Jason died and Dick got to see first hand as to why Bruce had a no killing rule for himself. The insurmountable destruction, the overall apathy for the harm to others around him, the deep seated rage ready to just destroy everything he comes in contact with. Alfred tells Dick that they need to stop him because Bruce won't just stop at the Joker, he'll go after Jason's mother (in this au I'm making Sheila live for the extra angst factor)and whoever else he deems even remotely responsible for the death of his son. Bruce won't care if it starts wars and conflict across nations, he will NOT stop until he gets his revenge.

So they stop him, practically have to sedated Bruce with enough tranquilizers to put down an elephant 10x over. And then they lock the Joker up in the deepest underground pits of Arkham with a broken spine and enough security measures that it's very much impossible to brake him out least you're the Batman himself. Bruce isn't happy about it at first but Alfred and Dick are there with him through it all and it helps a lot.

When Jason comes back he still doesn't know about the "no killing until your 18" rule, nor does he know the reason WHY Batman doesn't kill. So he's still angry and does his whole thing as Red Hood but when he reveals himself to Batman as Jason Todd Bruce is just so happy to see him again. And Jason is confused cuz like: "I just killed a bunch of people, aren't you disappointed?"

And Bruce is like: "I am a bit mad that you hurt Tim but other than that you are technically over 18 yrs old now so I'm going to assume you understand the weight and responsibility that is put upon you when killing someone."

Jason, softly: "What...the fuck?"

Then Jason quickly snaps back into gear with his plan, demands Bruce to choose between killing the Joker or him and Bruce hits back with: "Oh, I'd like nothing more than to kill Joker but I promised Dick and Alfred I wouldn't after almost starting an international war that one time."

Jason, extremely frustrated that his plan isn't going how he wanted to: "What. The. Fuck!"

So Jason dips and tracks down Dick so he could explain what the hell was going on. And Dick does explain. He explains the absolute monster Bruce almost turned into when Jason was murdered and how Bruce would most definitely not stop at the Joker if given the chance.

Dick: "You don't understand Jay, it was bad! Like really, really bad! He was going to kill your mom!"

Jason, shocked: "The fuck?!"

Dick: "He still has her on a tracker! We found him just before he killed Joker, but he still managed to paralyze him from the neck down!"

Jason, slightly disturbed: "That was him!"

Dick: "He was beating Joker's ass with a crowbar! And even after we managed to sedated Bruce and pull him off the clown we still had to make sure that Joker was locked up good and tight underground because if Bruce even caught a glimpse of him in a photo he'd go into another spiral!"

Jason, horrified: "What....the fuuuuuck???"

[thevoidstaredback]

Adventures In Gotham

Enough Caffeine to Kill an Elephant Side Story

The first time Danny had ever been to Gotham, he swore it would be his last. He was twenty-two at the time.

In an effort to relax after finals had ended, he, Tucker, Sam, Val, Wes, and Dani had been playing a round of Truth or Dare after finishing a few movies. Sam had dared Danny to wander around Gotham without attracting attention to himself. The catch was that he wasn't allowed to use his powers except to fly there and back. His time limit was Sunday night.

They'd all been planning to stay the night at Sam's anyway, so no one would even notice he was gone. Though, the dare had seemed easy at the time, Danny should've realized his luck was not that good.

Regardless, he flew to the outskirts of Gotham City, dropped his transformation, and entered.

The first thing he noticed was that there was some kind of bubble around Gotham preventing the Shades and overall feel of death from leaving. It was overwhelming at first, but he got used to it pretty quickly. The next thing he noticed was that he had walked into somebody's haunt.

Shit.

He made himself presentable and spoke to the night, "I apologise for trespassing," His voice echoed through the open area as though he was shouting in an empty room. Ghost Speak tended to do that. "I mean no hostile intentions. I simply wish to play a game with your protectors." With any luck, whoever this was would be playful or friendly, at the very least. He didn't hold his breath, though.

A lie. He was holding his breath, but that's only because he was nervous!

The night air stilled as though considering his words. Then, a breeze from behind pushed him further into the city. Flapping wings of bats and owls seemed to hide the whispers of "You may come in." and "Be careful." and "You will lose." and "Good luck.".

A vote of confidence from the City Spirit. "Thank you." He was going to be as quick as he could, but he couldn't draw attention to himself. Easier said than done. Batman seemed to know whenever anyone ever stepped foot into his city, especially if they've never been there before. So, he had to play hide and seek with Batman and Robin.

Again, easier said than done.

Danny knows very little about about Gotham and her heroes and villains. What he does know is that Robin is fairly knew to the scene, but also very serious in what he does. He's still a child, though, and he likes to play around a bit. Batman, on the other hand, has already become something of a cryptid, despite only showing himself a year or so ago. Either way, the two balance each other nicely and work well as a team.

Batman and Robin obviously know the entire city inside out, so Danny has to somehow keep an eye on where they are at all times while not drawing attention to himself. Which would be easy, except for the fact that Danny can only sense where non-living beings are. Batman and Robin are very much alive. He's pretty sure. Unless either of them have a shit ton of Shades attached to them, which is unlikely but not impossible, then he'll have to rely on finding them first and keeping them within his sight as he tours around their city.

Why the hell did he agree to this? He so deserves a reward if he succeeds.

'When', not 'if'. 'If' is pessimistic and implies that Batman might just drop him off a building and watch him fall. 'When' at least lets him continue with the illusion that he may get out of this no deader than when he arrived in Gotham.

All he had to do was basically tour the city, then he'll be done. It went well for the first hour, but then he spotted the shadows moving around him. It wouldn't normally be a problem, but one of those shadows was made out of bright colours. Seeing as his Ghost Sense didn't go off, Danny figured the he'd just run straight into Batman and Robin.

Shit. Fuck. Okay, play it cool, Danny.

He ran. He ran as fast as he could without using his powers. When he was sure he'd lost the two vigilanties, he allowed himself to stop in an alley somewhere in the Narrows. (The map he looked at was coming in very handy all of a sudden)

"Could be worse," he said to himself, backing into a corner.

The sound of shattering glass and the scurrying of mice and rats gave the impression of laughter and taunting. Which, rude, but fair.

"Your Knights, my lady," he spoke into the darkness, "are terrifying."

"Who you talking to?"

Danny did not jump. He didn't! Liar.

The kid, about twelve years old, was in bright green, red, and yellow. His hair windswept and he didn't seem even the slightest bit out of breath, let alone tired. Shouldn't he be in bed? Did he have a bedtime? He should have a bedtime, in Danny's expert opinion.

"Did you know that humans are endurance hunters?" Robin had been smiling since he dropped down in front of Danny. And if that wasn't a scary ass line to hear from a twelve year old up way past his bedtime-

No, he's not intimidated. "It's, um, a good thing I'm not completely human then, huh?" Stupid, stupid, stupid! Shut up, Danny! Stop talking! Right now!

This made Robin frown and the shadows started to move again, Batman taking his place just behind the boy. "What do you mean?"

Damn, he's scary! Danny's a sucker for a deep voice with a growl, damn.

"I, um," Intelligent response, Danny. King of the Realm Between Realms of Infinity. Keeper of Balance, Timeless Protector of the Dead and Living, and he can't even form a proper sentence.

Batman and Robin's stares were uncomfortably similar, even as Robin tilted his head ever so slightly to the right.

For all his wisdom, Danny couldn't see how he could manage to get out of this without using his powers. So, "Gottagobye!" he let intangibility and invisibility wash over him and he slipped through the wall behind him. From there, he let the rings of light cover him and he flew away.

He'll take the L. That was scary as hell!

The night wind brushed against him, the sound of breaking bones and cackling telling him to come by to play again some time. Had Gotham's City Spirit lead her Knight and his child to Danny? Probably. She seemed like the type. At least she seems to like him? Silver linings.

"I'm never going there again," he muttered halfway to Illinois.

Storyboard

Tag List:

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[my313]

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ perv!huening kai

mdni 18+ only!

⋆ pairing: bobarista!kai & bobarista f!reader

⋆ summary: your shy and unbearably handsome new co-worker seemed normal. that is, until you catch him peeking through the back door to watch you change.

⋆ genre/themes/warnings: pervy!kai, no strong dom/sub themes, semi-public masturbation (m), getting caught (?)

⋆ word count: 1.7k

a/n: ITS TIME HE IS FINALLY HEREEEEEE. might do a pt 2 cuz im not very satisfied w this and i need them to fuck JDKDJF 😭 tysm to @boba-beom for helping me brainstorm <333 enjoy :3

kai never meant to keep this habit up.

the first time was an accident. it was the one time you both were doing the closing shift, and like the nice boy he is, he let you get changed out of your work clothes first.

by the time he finished, you still weren’t out to greet him by the counter. kai decided, he’ll just take a slight peep at the back since he needed to discard his apron and hang it up anyway. it’s like the universe set the pieces perfectly in front of him, because the locker room door seemed to creak softly until an opening formed.

there’s been a number of times where he’s tried to make his broad frame smaller, curling behind the wall while watching you take off your shirt, memorising the colours and patterns of your underwear. kai could probably recite it the same way he does the boba shop’s menu – probably even better. it’s no wonder that you’re the first thing on his mind when his fist closes in on his length, and the last when he’s hiccuping your name while spilling for the third time every other night. the guilt only catches up to him when he feels the slimy ooze of his cum sliding down his stomach, wincing at the feeling.

he says this each time, something along the lines of, “i just passed by!” or “the door was open anyway…” to his own conscience. he knows you’re not hearing anything he says to justify why he starts to stay outside the locker room five minutes longer, ten minutes more — why he urges you to change clothes first, and why he keeps signing up for shifts that line up with yours.

at first, you thought kai’s constant efforts of being around you while blushing and barely being able to look at you was a small crush. something that dissipates once you undergo the weekend rushes, but kai continues his advances.

he makes you your favourite bubble tea and watches intently as your lips latch onto the thick straw then suction out the pearls. he helps you arrange boxes of ingredients when you can’t reach the tallest shelf, always hovering behind you and says he’s just “making himself useful.”

what you don’t know is that he’s grown an odd liking to watching your lips plump up against the roundness of the straw, fueling his feverish dreams of having you on your knees and doing the same to his cock. you don’t know that when he offers to ‘make himself useful’, he’s often thinking with his dick. he’s dazed by the delicious view of your skirt riding up, inwardly cheering when he catches a glimpse of where your thigh high socks squeeze the fat of your thigh.

on other days, he goes mad from seeing your shitty tights rip from the smallest movements. he pictures ruining them entirely, your face pressed against the very same lockers where he watches you undress.

the first time the bells started to ring in your head that kai may not be as innocent as you think, you’re just a bit shocked.

you recall the door being slightly ajar, and in hopes that your co-worker was still at front, you slung your bag over and went out, only to be greeted by kai’s blushing face and obvious boner. your eyes met for a brief moment, and while you expected some sort of explanation, kai only flashed an awkward smile like always and walked past you.

“s-see you tomorrow, yn.” he said, as if the huge elephant in the room wasn’t ghosting over your skin as he made his way into the locker room. if you hadn’t looked down, you would have thought you just caught kai in his natural state – flushed pink and too shy for his own good. but that definitely changed your mind.

so, you decided to run a few experiments to test your hypothesis.

the next few weeks consist of essentially testing your potentially perverted co-worker. it should be a harder pill to swallow, finding out kai had been watching your half-naked body for a good ten minutes per day. yet, you find yourself taking pride in the way you make kai act. you don’t bother to check if the door closes fully behind you each time you go change.

kai’s on his first toilet break of the day. he blames you and your choice of outfit. lately, you’ve been coming in in mini skirts and thigh highs, and today, you’re in one of his favourite pleated skirts and another one of your flimsy tights.

he swears you’re doing it on purpose, because on restock day, you’re typically grumpy and wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. but just the other day, you were fishing out the packets of pearls from the delivery, bent over with your cute, strawberry-printed panties immediately drawing out a “g-gonna take a break real quick!” from kai.

as if masturbating to you in the privacy of his bedroom wasn’t enough, he’s developed a sick routine of jerking off in the unkempt staff toilet. kai spends more of his lunch hours with his hands enveloping his cock at the thought of you than actually taking a break.

when it’s time for you to leave, your normal routine ensues. you go into the locker room with kai not-so-discreetly following behind, acting as if he’s double checking if the stock in the back is the right amount.

today though, kai doesn’t know what overcomes him. maybe it was the fact that you wore a matching set; pretty pink lace adorning your skin, holding you in places he wishes he could get his filthy hands on. maybe it’s the fact that you’re half-naked for a good five minutes, distracted on your phone to even proceed switching to a comfy sweatshirt.

within those five minutes, kai’s palming himself over the thick material of his jeans.

in the next two, he’s fumbling over the zipper and hastily unhooking the button. his cock is very obviously staining his briefs, leaking profusely and begging to be freed.

kai is quick to fall prey to his urges; what really does it for him is the way you bend over to pick up something that fell to the floor. he doesn’t notice nor care what it is. it’s tunnel vision from here on out, eyes trained on the plushness of your ass, deliciously cradled by your panties and pushed out for his viewing.

his mind is overtaken by obscenities. everything from smothering his face in your cunt to your knees faltering from how he’s made you cum.

he pictures his leaking tip soiling the crotch of your panties, imagining how he’d rut in and out between your thighs, like some makeshift fleshlight, before pulling your underwear off. his eyebrows scrunch at the thought of your skin covered in streaks of white. he thinks that you’d look up at him with wide eyes that ask for “one more?” even when he’s given you his load over and over, grunts morphing to sensitive whimpers.

kai’s body is on overdrive; eyes threatening to shut as his mind drifts into familiar territory but not wanting to miss the sight in front of him. his teeth are digging into his bottom lip to the point of tasting blood, while his arms are starting to give out from the speed he’s stroking himself at.

when you finally snap out of your phone break, kai takes it as a sign to speed up more than he already is. his hips chase after his tight fist, desperate to finish before you find out about his little secret. his stomach caves from the spike of euphoria until it peaks and he can’t stop himself from shooting out ribbons of his cum, his bottom lip surely taking a cut from how hard his canines have sunk into the skin.

he finally releases his bottom lip and takes a quick breather, cautious about whether you’ve put your clothes on. kai scrambles to rip a tissue roll to wipe the floor when he sees you absentmindedly smiling at your phone and walking towards the door.

he leaps into the staff toilet in a rush, just before you step out of the locker room.

you’re still on your phone when you move to the front of the shop, waiting on kai before taking your leave. glancing up at the toilet door from where you’re seated, you stifle a laugh as you think back on the delectable view you caught a peek at earlier. you shake your head at your co-worker’s antics, finding it a mix of silly, pathetically weird and also… sexy? hot?

kai makes an entrance with his apron snug against his body. you try to hold back a full-blown laugh and settle for a polite smile instead, waving your hand at him. “i’m gonna head out now– oh, wait,” your eyebrows knit together upon seeing the fresh tear on his lip.

you rush to his side, pressing your chest against him as your hands reach out to his face. your thumb rests on his bottom lip but you can feel his cheeks heat up against your other fingers. you know what you’re doing, and kai knows that you do. he’s thanking his self from five minutes ago for putting on this apron, because if not, you’d be stuck feeling his awakening hard on again.

“did you get hurt today? i didn’t see this earlier.” you frown, pressing your thumb against his bottom lip. he winces slightly, trying to pull away. a breath is stuck in his throat, the closeness rendering him to just a couple of meek nods or shakes of his head.

kai finally manages to get you back in your space. he shakes his head, “o-oh.. yeah! just– just cut my lip while eating earlier..?”

“be careful next time, yeah?” you chuckle, playfully bumping into him with your hip. “that face is our best seller!”

he laughs nervously, “that’s all you..!”

you’re leaning towards him again, coy with your hands folded behind your back. just enough to have him hitching his breath and anticipating more, but not so much to touch him.

you smile mischievously, hinting at what you just saw earlier. “both of us then? we put on a good show, hm?”

he gulps, “uh– no, you’re definitely much better.”

“i dunno,” you tease, finger tapping your lip almost mockingly as if pondering. “you’re a quick thinker.”

oh shit. you knew.

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

I wish I hated you

Summary: You never thought a family dinner would include the father of your children, but after you and Joel finally talk, things might slowly start to heal between the two of you.

Pairing: past Joel Miller x fem. reader

Wordcount: 3.9k

Rating: T

Warnings: angst, crying, talk about past shitty behaviour, more sorry's, beginning of moving on, feelings and their denial, more feelings, it's complicated cause these fools deep down love each other, food, regrets

A/N: It's been a while, but Part four is finally here. I was struggling with this but I finally have the idea for how to end this. One more part and we're done. Hope you enjoy this (and if not, don't tell me lol)

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part four of invisible string

Life in Jackson quickly became your new normal, apart from the fact that he was here too. 

Leo and Ana were thriving, going to school every day. They learned to write and to read and to count and they were excited to tell you about every little thing they had learned in school every time you picked them up. 

You already had a big collection of pictures they painted in class all around the house too. 

You had been in Jackson for almost four months now. 

You brother, being the more open one of the two of you, already had made a lot of friends. He was a trusted part of the patrol group and went out at least twice per week.

He also was officially dating Lauren, the school teacher as of the week before. 

And you?

You were… okay.

After the first two weeks of living in Jackson you had started the working rotation to find out how you could provide something to the community and you had been happy to now be working at the kitchen every morning to prepare breakfast and lunch service at the community hall. 

Cooking had always been your happy place.

You hadn’t really made any friends. 

You were working with Carl, Andy and Lisa in the kitchen, and you were going to weekly dinners at Maria and Tommy’s place. 

You and Tommy had a long talk shortly after you arrived.

He had told you how sorry he was for everything that happened. He felt guilty for leaving out of the blue, without telling you, knowing how bad Joel had been back then. 

But you weren’t mad at him, and you told him that. 

It wasn’t his responsibility to stay back just because his brother did. Tommy had believed he would find something better when he left with the Fireflies. And even though it hadn’t worked out with them, his life still changed for the better. 

Leo and Ana were ecstatic to have a little cousin in Sammy. Of course you had to explain what cousin meant, which also meant that Tommy became Uncle Tommy. A title he took with pride. 

Life was good. 

As good as it could be with anyone doing their best to not mention the big elephant in the room. 

Joel.

You hadn’t seen him more for a couple of moments since the morning he came to pick up your brother. That did not mean you had not heard about him though. 

Your brother Calvin apparently had been paired with him out on patrol a couple of times and you were more than surprised when Calvin asked you how or if he should answer when Joel asked him questions about you and the twins. 

Apparently after the first couple of almost silent patrols out, Joel had to began to ask about you on the latest patrol. Something that surprised you, if you were honest. 

You really didn’t think Joel was thinking about you. Even though he told you he was still in love with you all those weeks ago. 

How was the man who said all those cruel words to you when you needed him most still in love with you?

And why hadn’t you been able to stop thinking about him ever since that first night you saw him again?

He had not only hurt you, he had broken you. Had blamed the whole pregnancy on you alone, as if he wasn’t the one who had fucked you and had came inside of you. 

You were always on the verge between angry, hurt and longing when it came to Joel and you had no fucking clue what to do about it. 

So, after taking some time to think about your brothers question over what to tell Joel when he asked about you, you took matters in your own hands and had made the decision to talk to the man in question yourself. 

You had asked Maria where you would be able to find him and she had told you that he was working on a house on the other side of town together with Tommy for the week. Apparently the girl, Ellie, wasn’t feeling too well and Joel did not want to be on patrol until she got better. 

So on a rainy day, after you got your kids to school, you found yourself walking towards the house Maria had told you. It was Tommy you saw first when you walked up the stairs, his eyes widening in surprise before he nodded his head up, silently telling you that Joel was upstairs. 

You were thankful that the house seemed to be empty apart from Joel who you could hear hammering upstairs. Taking a deep breath you pulled your soaked rain jacket off, hanging it on a doorhandles downstairs, before you walked up. 

He must have not heard you walk up the steps, his back turned towards you as he knelt on the floor, hammering some floor boards. You approached him quietly, leaning with your shoulder against the doorframe of the door he was working in. 

It gave you some time to look at him. 

Noticing the changes in his appearance in the last six years. 

It seemed to you that he aged quite a lot since the last time you saw him. There was a lot more grey in his hair than you remembered. 

When you looked at his hands you found him wearing his wedding ring. The one you had put on his fingers, the one that he hadn’t worn much when you were still together. 

You were more than surprised that he still had it. 

He stilled for a moment before his head turned towards you, as if he had sensed you standing there. Surprised he raised his eyebrows before he put the hammer down, pulling himself up to his feet with a groan, his joints popping. 

You continued to look at him, now noticing the deeper lines around his eyes. 

He seemed nervous as he looked at you. 

„Calving told me you have questions,“ you said after a while.

„I do,“ he said with a small nod. 

„Why?“ You asked. 

„So I know that you and the… that you are okay. That you don’t need anything,“ he said. 

„You did not care about me when you told me to get the fuck out of your life,“ you said before you could stop yourself. He visibly flinched, closing his eyes. 

„I should have never said that,“ he whispered, looking at the ground as he shook his head. 

„No, you shouldn’t,“ you agreed. 

For a while the only sound that could be heard was the rain outside. 

„I revisit that day every single day and I can’t understand why I said those things,“ he said all of the sudden, looking up at you. 

„I can not understand why I treated you like I did. And I am not talking just about that night. I am talking about the whole time. Every time I told you that you deserve better, I meant it. I wasn’t… I am not what you deserve. I am broken. Maybe that’s why I kept lashing out at you. To make you understand.“

„It’s because of Sarah,“ you said and you could hear him take a deep breath, his eyes closing. 

Only saying this name had him shouting at you in the past, but you weren’t afraid of his reaction now. 

„You push everything and everyone away because you feel like it was your fault that Sarah died. And so you push everyone and everything away that could potentially hurt you like Sarah’s death did without realising that it is you how is hurting you,“ you said. 

A tear slipped down his cheek. 

„They ask about you,“ you said and he furrowed his brows.

„They ask about their Dad. In the community before they did not have an actual school, but the kids got to hang out three times a week and every time friends of them were picked up by their father, they asked about where their Dad was,“ you sighed. 

„What did you tell them?“

„That their father was out and looking for a better world for us,“ you whispered, blinking your own tears away. You looked at him with a sad smile. 

„They look so much like you. They both have your eyes and your curly hair. And your stubbornness,“ you said the last part with a small smile. 

Joel chuckled. 

„I’m sorry for that,“ he said with a head shake. 

„Can’t wait for them to be teenagers. It’s gonna be a ride,“ you said. 

Joel sucked his bottom lip in before he spoke.

„If you need help then, or… anytime really… I have some experience with moody teenagers. Sarah was…,“ a small smile sneaked to his lips, „Sarah could easily bribed with food. My Tacos to be specific. And since Tommy found a Taco press and there’s a whole field of corn currently growing….“

„I’ll keep that in mind,“ you said softly. 

Tommy called for help from downstairs and you sucked your bottom lip in. 

Joel grabbed his toolbox.

„We have dinner at Tommy’s place every Thursday,“ you said as he turned towards you again. 

He nodded. 

„If you like, you and Ellie could join us tomorrow,“ you said, before your brain could talk you out of it. 

„Are you sure?“

You huffed a laugh. 

„Not really. If I’m honest I am terrified of getting hurt again, but I am also tired of running. There is still this part inside of me, that wants you. That is and probably always will be in love with you. But while I figure this part of my feelings out, you can get to know your kids, if you’d like,“ you said.

He nodded slowly. 

„I’d really like that.“

You had never been more thankful to have found a friend like Maria. 

After telling her that you had invited Joel over for Thursday night dinner, you had freaked out immediately. Maria knew everything. You had told her you whole history with Joel after she had shown up with a bottle of wine on your doorstep a couple of weeks after you had arrived and you had spilled your feelings after two glasses of wine. 

Knowing your whole history with Joel did not help Maria’s dislike of him in the least. She judged him for the things he had done to keep the people he loved safe. How he made Tommy participate. And even though you could have just let Maria rant about him and his ways, you found yourself defending him. 

Something Maria could not understand in the beginning. 

How you could defend a man who killed, tortured, robbed and hurt people without any consequences. A man who hurt you so baldy you fled across the country while being pregnant. 

And logically she was right. There was no sane reason why you should be defending him. 

Then again, falling for the man in the first place was probably not the most logic decision you made all those years back. 

You just did.

So here you were, a glass of wine in your left hand while you „helped“ Maria cook dinner. You could hear Leo and Ana in the living room as they played with Tommy. 

Usually your brother Calvin would be here too, but it was his girlfriend's birthday to day and they had plans.

„You ready to forgive him? Just like that?“ Maria asked. 

You shook your head. 

„This is not about that. He’s their father,“ you whispered the last sentence. 

„And no matter how much of an asshole he was to me, I don’t want to stand in the way of them having a relationship, if he wants to have one,“ you said.

„I think he wants the whole package,“ Maria said, stirring the soup she had made.

You raised one eyebrow. 

„Joel came over to help Tommy fix the roof last weekend, and he stayed for dinner and some drinks afterwards. I overhead them talk about you from upstairs,“ she said quietly. 

„He is pretty damn determinate to win you back. Said he never loved anyone as much as he does still love you and that he’ll spend the rest of his life worshipping you on his knees if you gave him another chance,“ Maria said. 

„He said that?“ You asked. She nodded. 

„They were already some beers deep into the conversation, but yeah. I had my doubts, I still have them. But I can’t deny that the man is in love with you. And he’s a great father to Ellie, even though it’s complicated between them at the moment.“

Before you could react there was a knock on the door and you felt yourself tense up. 

Maria gave you a warm smile. 

„Better get out there, before Tommy tells them who exactly Joel is,“ she said and your eyes widened before you walked towards the door. 

Joel had been nervous many many times in his life. 

But nothing seemed to compare to the moment he knocked on the door of his brothers house, knowing you and his two kids, the kids he never met before, were waiting behind it. 

He had spent almost twenty minutes trying to find an outfit for himself, like this was some kind of date. Which technically it was. It was a date to meet his children for the first time. And the first step to hopefully earning your trust and forgiveness. So when he saw his blue flannel, the only piece of clothing that had survived all the way from Boston, your favourite shirt on him, it felt like it was a sign. 

„So these kids really don’t know who you are?“ Ellie asked next to him. He was more than glad she had agreed to come with him tonight. Though Maria cooking her favourite dinner might have been the real reason she agreed. 

Things with Ellie were still tense. 

And that was another thing he was to blame for. 

He should have told her the truth from the beginning. Not that it would have made the whole situation about Ellie feeling like she lost her purpose better, but at least he wouldn’t have lied to her. 

Lying to protect the people he loved seemed to be a pattern in Joel’s life, that he needed to work on too. 

„They don’t. I don’t know if or when she will tell them. So please don’t mention it. I know you’re not my biggest fan at the moment, but those kids should not have to suffer because of it, okay?“ He asked. 

Ellie rolled her eyes with a sigh. 

„Won’t spill the beans, promise,“ she said.

The door opened and Tommy grinned at them. 

„Fancy seeing you here,“ he said, Sammy on his arm who already made grabby hands towards Joel. He found himself smiling at his little nephew before he reached over to take Sammy from Tommy. 

„Yeah, Yeah. I was promised food,“ Ellie grumbled, pushing past the men.

„Still a ray of sunshine, huh?“ Tommy teased, rubbing through Ellie’s hair and she slapped his hand away with a long groan.

Joel followed them inside, closing the door behind him, Sammy still on his arm. His hands were clammy as he heard Ellie introduce herself to Leo and Ana. Sammy looked up at Joel, putting one tiny hand on his cheek, making raspberry lips. Joel find himself smiling, the nervous flutter in his stomach dying down a little. 

„Hi,“ he heard your voice and he turned his head as you walked out of the kitchen towards him. You were wearing what looked like a oversized black sweater that went to the middle of your upper thighs and a leggings beneath it. You looked cozy and he wanted nothing more than to pull you in his arms and….

„Hey,“ he said, interrupting his train of thoughts.

„You want me to go in with you? Introduce you?“ You asked. He found himself nodding.

„I am gonna tell them that you are Joel’s brother. Nothing more right now, okay?“ You asked again and he nodded again. 

„Okay,“ you said before you turned away from him, but he reached for you before he even realised he was moving, catching you by surprise, as he carefully wrapped his hand around your wrist. He could hear you little gasp as you turned back to him, your eyes searching his. 

„You look beautiful,“ he whispered squeezing your wrist.

He watched as you took a deep breath, your eyes slipping close for just a moment before you opened them and gave him a small smile.

The combination of seeing Joel wear the shirt you had gifted him for Christmas in 2014 and seeing him hold Sammy in his arms was a little overwhelming. 

But that was nothing compared to your body reacting to his touch as he told you that you looked beautiful. You flushed so hard, you were sure you could melt snow if you stepped outside. 

It was various kinds of fascinating that he still had that effect on you. 

Taking a deep breath as you turned away from him you walked inside the living room where Ellie was already sitting between Ana and Leo who were explaining their rules of Monopoly to them. Tommy had found a lot of boardgames on patrol a while back and borrowed it for tonight. 

You did not think playing Monopoly was a perfect bonding experience (it was war really) but who were you to complain?

„You gonna play too Mommy?“ Ana asked as she saw you, giving you those big pleasing puppy eyes she had from her father. 

„After dinner. I promise. But we play the official rules and no cheating like the last time,“ you said with narrowed eyes and Leo giggled. 

„Hi Ellie,“ you smiled at her and she gave you a small wave before she looked back at the game.

You took a deep breath.

„Remember that I told you that there would be guests tonight? You already meet Ellie, and this is Joel. Tommy’s brother,“ you explained to them. 

They both said Hi to him and you looked behind you finding Joel’s watery eyes on them. 

„You gonna play with us after dinner too, Mr. Joel?“ Ana asked with hopeful eyes. The dimple that mirrored Joel’s showing on her cheek as she smiled.

Joel cleared his throat and you found yourself stepping closer to him, hesitantly taking his hand.

He looked at you and you gave him a small nod. 

„I’d love to.“

It was way past the twins bedtime when you finished the second round of Monopoly. Against your hesitations, no family war broke out and Maria declared herself the winner, much to the disappointment of Ellie. 

It only took you three hours to understand why Joel was so protective of the girl. She was funny, smart and took no shit from anyone. 

Ana and Leo had been sleeping on the couch for at least an hour when you were helping to clean up the table.

„Can we… do this again?“ Ellie asked hesitantly while Joel was helping his brother in the kitchen to dry the dishes. 

„We do this every Thursday. You are always welcome to join, Ellie,“ Maria said.

„Cool,“ she nodded and you smiled, before you looked towards the couch, wondering how you would get those two kids home. 

„You think Tommy could help me get Leo home?“ You asked Maria.

„Why? We live on the same street. Joel can help,“ Ellie said before Maria could answer. Maria chuckled.

„She’s right, you know?“ Maria said. 

„I always am,“ Ellie said as she walked towards the door, calling one loud bye into the house before she stepped outside. 

There was a part of you that did not want this evening to end. 

It really felt like you were a family. 

After dinner the kids had went right into their first round of Monopoly, Tommy and Joel joining them as you had helped Maria in the kitchen. 

All you thoughts about this evening being awkward disappeared as you had come back into the living room to find Leo sitting in Joel’s lap, both of them grinning and plotting against Tommy who had Ana on his lap. 

You knew that both of the kids were so much like Joel. But seeing Leo and Joel like that made you realise that he really was a Mini version of Joel.

It made you wonder how the last years could have been if things had went differently. 

But maybe he just wasn’t ready for it back then.

„Thank you for dinner, Maria,“ Joel said as he walked back into the living room. 

„Yes, Thank you for dinner Maria,“ Tommy grinned as he went over to her, kissing her softly. 

„Oh by the way Ellie volunteered you to carry Leo home,“ Maria said towards Joel who raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

„Is that so?“ He asked with a chuckle.

„You don’t have to though. I can go ask Calvin…“ you began but he shook his head, walking towards the couch and carefully picked up Leo who, as if sensing it, put his arms around his neck, continuing to sleep soundly. 

You gulped, giving both Tommy and Maria a nervous smile before you walked to the couch, picking Ana up. She snuggled against your neck. 

„Good night,“ Maria and Tommy whispered, following you down the hallway to their door. 

„Good night,“ you whispered back, taking a deep breath before you followed Joel. 

Ellie must have went home already, leaving the two of you alone on the short walk to your house. 

„I can’t believe I voluntarily gave all of this up because I was such a coward,“ Joel said quietly as you walked into your street. 

„They are pretty awesome huh?“ You asked and you could hear the smile in his voice as he answered:

„They are everything.“

Once you were at your house you guided him upstairs and into the twins room. He carefully put Leo into his bed before he walked out of the room as you undressed them and put them into their pyjamas. Giving both of them a forehead kiss you walked out of their room, closing the door behind you.

Joel was nowhere to be found so you walked back down, finding him sitting on the porch steps outside. It had started to rain again. 

When you approached him you could hear him sniffling, your heart breaking. 

„Why don’t you hate me?“ He asked as you sat down next to him. 

„I pushed you away. I pushed my wife away, the only woman I ever truly loved. I pushed you away because I was scared to loose you. How fucking stupid can a person be? Why am I like this? I lost everything and rightfully so and yet here you are, giving me a chance to meet the children who I wanted you to…“ he stopped himself. You could see him shaking as he cried, his head lowered, his face hidden behind his hands. 

Hesitantly you let your head fall on his shoulder, one of your hand coming to rest on his knee. 

„I wish I hated you,“ you whispered;

„But I just can’t stop loving you.“

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

Jason can clearly say that becoming a halfa was the best thing that ever happened to him.

If not for the lack of green in his head now a days than it’s because of all the new material he now has to fuck with his family.

He has successfully tricked B into thinking he can stick to things like Spider-Man instead of just turning off gravity.

Damian is now much more wary about threatening people with his sword now that Jason let him cut off a hand without telling him it would grow back.

Currently, he’s slowly gaslighting his brothers into thinking he’s pregnant.

Man, he has really been enjoying his new ability to turn invisible.

Dick, flicks on the closet light: okay now that everyone’s here-

Danny: why am I here again? I’m not even adopted.

Dick: you and I both know that it’s not because B hasn’t offered in his own emotionally constipated way. Anyways we are here to discuss the elephant in the room, Tim, the board.

*Tim, whipping Sheet off, revealing a cork board with strings*

Damian: Grayson. Drake. this is getting ridiculous.

Tim: but it makes sense. Last week Jason started looking up pregnancy symptoms! He claimed they were so that he could help his girls out but then why did he use his personal computer for this “research”?

Dick: now this wouldn’t be concerning in of itself but the last few days Jason’s fighting style has changed.

Tim: he’s still being out “hard hitter” but his style has suddenly became more defensive and focused on blocking his center and core.

Dick: he has also been complaining about aching back and weight gain! He hasn’t drank in two weeks and I swear I saw a bump last night while changing!

Tim: the nausea, the dizzy spells! He was searching up doctors last night!

Damian: Have you buffoons forgotten the fact that Todd is in fact a cis male?

Danny: Actually he’s a halfa, so gender isn’t quite as strict on him anymore.

Dick: .. what do you mean?

Danny: well, ghost are just made of emotions..? So besides a core everything is just subjective preference? Sure he’s not full dead but there’s only like four of us so we don’t really have a lot of knowledge on the inner workings so..

Batfam: …

Damian: Dear lord Todd is with child

Tim: how’re we telling Bruce?

Dick: forget Bruce, HOW ARE WE BREAKING THIS TO ALFRED??

Batboys: *frantic bickering*

Danny: *fazes into the room next door*

Danny: So why did you choose pregnancy of all things?

Jason, gleefully snickering as he brings his head out of the wall: Steph made a bet that I couldn’t and now she has to run around in the scaly pants again for a week!