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ohayohimawari · 4 years ago

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30 Minutes to gift!! KAGUMO EDITION

I had too much fun creating a 30-minute-gift for an exchange in @sloaners server! Here is my giftee’s prompt list:

List three colors: purple, blue, pink List two household or outer space items: desk, mug List/Link one favorite mood song: Rocket Man (cover) by Ninja Sex Party How about a favorite AU??? (‘Canon’ is also acceptable): im a normie,i genuinely love the coffee shop AU or anything wholesome Why you love/hate Zetsu in 5 words or less: how people see weed dealers A favorite character or two outside of KAGUMO: obito

The overall theme is: KAGUMO! The Moon Mom content we all adore

I hope you enjoy!

Obito set his messenger bag down on his desk and double-checked the contents to confirm that he had everything he needed. His passion for political science led him to volunteer to be a pollster, and today was the first day of his new extracurricular gig. He noticed a mug that he’d left there the night before and carried it to his kitchen sink with the intention of washing it, when he checked the clock and realized he had enough time to treat himself to coffee from a shop rather than brew it.

He stepped out into the first autumn chill and decided that he’d indulge in a hot white mocha pumpkin spice latte-his favorite fall drink, even if most didn’t understand why.

He breezed past the resident oddball that lurked around the corner from his neighborhood. Whether it was the shock of green hair on his head or the fact that half of his face was darkened by the shadows he kept to, he’d earned a reputation for being any number of unfortunate things, the best of which being a dealer. “Hey kid,” he rasped out, but Obito ignored him and quickened his pace.

Pumpkin spice madness had taken hold of more than himself that morning, and the crowded coffee shop proved it. Obito studied the people around him as he waited for his turn to order, and his gaze was drawn to a man that would stand out in any crowd, anywhere.

The man’s most prominent feature was his wild mane of silver hair, which was barely contained in a ponytail. Obito studied his face and thought the man appeared younger than his hair would lead one to believe, though he did notice lines around the man’s eyes that seemed to be caused by decades of laughter. Even now, amusement was plain on the man’s face, almost as if it was permanently fixed upon it.

However, that wasn’t what drew Obito’s attention to him.

The man wore an impossible combination of blue, purple, and pink shimmering attire. He wondered if the man couldn’t wait for Halloween, or if he was on his way to a very early costume party. Either way, Obito had never seen that many sequins all at once in his life.

Obito couldn’t tear his eyes from the man, not even after he was caught staring at him. He had to know what made this man tick and decided that he’d found his first subject for his political survey.

The sparkling man eagerly agreed to participate, and once Obito heard his name mispronounced loudly as the signal that his coffee was ready, they sat together at a table.

“Okay,” Obito began as he turned on his tablet, “these questions pertain to the upcoming primary election, and I thank you for your participation, Sir.”

“Call me Sakumo.”

“Uh, well, the survey is supposed to be anonymous.”

“Okay, then don’t,” Sakumo smiled.

Obito swallowed a snicker and asked the first question. “Are you registered to vote at the current address you reside at?”

“You betcha, that was one of the first things I did when I returned.”

Obito checked off the box that fit Sakumo’s answer and moved on to the next question. “How likely are you to vote in the upcoming elections?”

“Nothing will keep me from the polls,” Sakumo winked.

“Who did you vote for in the last election?” Obito continued, gaining confidence that he presented himself as an experienced pollster.

“Mondale.”

“M-Mondale? Walter Mondale, from the 1984 election?” Obito stuttered his surprise.

“I’ve been away for a while.”

“I see, well, welcome back,” Obito tried to pick up his jaw and his professionalism at the same time and carried on to the next question. “What do you look for in a candidate?”

“Their dedication to the space program,” was Sakumo’s prompt reply.

“Oh, you have a particular fascination with the universe?” Obito strayed from his script out of curiosity before he could stop himself.

“I miss my wife.”

Obito blinked while he processed Sakumo’s answer. “Okay, well, um, moving on,” he checked off ‘other’ as the answer that best fit on his survey. “How important is the issue of school funding to you?”

“Very important,” Sakumo nodded his earnestness, “I’m relying on the fact that schools here will help me to convince Kagu—oh, right, anonymous, I mean, my wife to bring our son here.”

“That’s an understandable reason,” Obito selected the appropriate answer from the list.

“I mean, Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids,” Sakumo elaborated.

Obito’s gaze shot up from his tablet and focused on Sakumo. “Mars,” he repeated, incredulous.

“It’s cold as hell.”

“I-I can imagine it would be.” Obito scanned the list of questions for the most harmless that remained so he could end their interview quickly, but politely. When his screen only offered options on sensitive subjects like national security, he decided to make one up. “I just have one final question, Sir,” he said as his mind raced through mundane topics that he considered safe, “what is your…occupation?”

Sakumo eyed him, and his smile suddenly turned serious. He assessed Obito a moment before asking, “This is anonymous?”

Obito nodded, already regretting his question.

Sakumo leaned across the table to answer in a hushed voice. “Ninja.”

Obito couldn’t hide his surprise if he tried and so he didn’t. He gaped at Sakumo as the other man stood up from the table and laughed at him. “What did you think I was, an accountant?”

“I admit, that wasn’t an answer I expected,” Obito tried to recover his composure and reached for his latte with one hand while he discreetly deleted the survey with the other. He silently wondered if the suspicious man with green hair was still lurking nearby, and if that survey would be any easier.

Sakumo laughed again and threw his empty coffee cup in the recycling bin. “I’m not the man they think I am at home,” he said as he gestured finger guns at Obito and exited the coffee shop.

#kagumo #sakumo #sakumo hatake #Obito #obito uchiha #kaguya otsutsuki #30 minute gift challenge #hima writes

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mhdiaries · 5 years ago

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Frights, Camera, Action! – Hauntlywood Clawdia Wolf Diary

August 25th

Today I was walking through the streets of Londoom I just wanted to howl and do a little dance because I’m so excited to be here. I didn’t, of course, do the dancing part, since I’m the one with the “clumsy gene” in our family and I didn’t want to fall through an open monster hole cover. It has never bothered me that I’m not as athletic as the rest of the pack, because I think it was pretty apparent even when I was a cub that I was better at writing stories about my brothers’ and sisters’ athletic exploits than participating in them. It’s not that I didn’t try, but my mind and body may have been in concert but they were not playing the same tune. I remember the last organized soccer game I played: the coach put me in the goal partly because I was tall for my age and partly because he thought that perhaps the prospect of a ball being rocketed toward me might keep my attention. It worked for a bit, until the ball stayed at the other end of the pitch for a while, and a butterfly landed on the net. All of a sudden I became a ferocious were-spider who decided to give the butterfly a reprieve. So I climbed up in the net to shoo it away when I heard my dad yell, “Clawdia, turn around!” A ghoul was on a breakaway, and the only thing between her and me was open pitch and the ball. I tried to turn, and my spikes caught in the net, so I just closed my eyes and leaped toward the front of the goal. Somehow the ball ended up in my claws, and I kept the ghoul from scoring. It was my one and only athletic achievement, so I retired with my legacy in check and got a good story out of it, which, I’m sure, will end up in one of my screamplays some day.

September 8th

I was sitting in the lecture hall today not really paying attention like I should have been, partly because I was working on a not-for-that-class writing assignment and partly, okay, mostly, because symbolism in ghost-modern, neo-realist goblin cinema is only slightly less painful than rolling in flea-infested wolf’s bane. Honestly, I have no idea what a goblin miner wearing a red hat and pushing an empty ore cart says about the state of modern goblin-kobold relations. I’m sure it is profound and important, but well... it doesn’t matter. What did matter, howere, was that the professor asked a question that he wanted all of us to answer, and I didn’t hear the question. I could have asked him to repeat the question, of course, but then I would have had to acknowledge that I had not been paying attention, and since this particular professor hates that, I knew I was going to have to wing it on the answer. Which made me nervous, which made me look for something to chew on, which meant I wasn’t listening to the other answers, which meant I didn’t have a clue when he got to me. So when he said, “Ms. Wolf?” I said I didn’t think I could add anything to the discussion that had not been more profoundly stated in the answers my classmates had already given. This caused the rest of the class to burst out laughing, to which the professor said, “While I appreciate your humility, your answer leaves us no closer to knowing how many siblings you have.” I was mortalfied, but even more so when he said, “Please do try and pay better attention going forward.” Unlive and learn, Clawdia, unlive and learn.

September 15th

I’ve been using my iCoffin tablet to do some of my writing lately, and I really like it. I mean, I like the tablet. It’s great for doing video chats, and there are some really cool Londoom based apps that have helped me find my way around the city better. As for the writing part, I still prefer my chewed pen and leghoul pad. It may be old-fashioned, but there’s something about a blank sheet of paper that’s less intimidating than a blank scream with a blinking cursor.

October 1st

The only thing that’s coming down faster than the temperature in Londoom right now is the rain. I’m not sure what the real temp is, but you know it’s cold when a werewolf has to put on her fuzzy wool socks... brrr... fortunately, dad did a good job preparing me for this climate by never allowing to turn the thermostat up past the “I can see my breath” mark during the winter. We would say, “Dad, the house is freezing!” to which he would always reply, “You can either have heat or you can eat.” Followed quickly by, “We’re werewolves, for ghoul’s sake, put on a sweater if you’re cold.” Then we’d all look at mom, who would just shrug her soldiers. It was one of the only things she couldn’t change his mind about. So we’d all just sit snuggled together on the couch watching bad TV, complaining about Howleen’s sharp, unclipped paw nails and making promises about what we’d do when we all moved out and got our own places. I distinctly remember saying that I would turn up the heat so high that it would make Gloom Beach seem like a Yeti cave. So the first time it got cold here, I did just that, and it was every bit as amazing as I imagined it would be, until I got my first heating bill. Let’s just say that grocery shopping for the next few weeks gave me a completely different perspective on dad’s old saying. I’m pretty confident that saltines and marmite will never darken the shelves of my cupboard again after having that formerly tasty combination as my only breakfast and lunch option for a fortnight. I’m really missing being able to snuggle up on the couch with my pack of siblings, and I wouldn’t even complain about Howleen’s uncut paw nails... well, maybe not a lot.

October 6th

I had a great video chat with the fam tonight, and they could not stop talking about Draculaura being chosen as queen of the vampires. They were in complete shock, and I have to admit it was quite a surprise to me as well. The vampires haven’t had a queen since the last chosen one, a young vampire ghoul named Elissabat, disappeared some 400 years ago. What is really curious about this, as if Draculaura being chosen as the new queen right out of the boo wasn’t curious enough, is that Clawdeen told me Draculaura’s choice was confirmed by the Vampire’s Heart. I have actually been doing quite a bit of research on the heart, which is really just a massive jewel with magical properties, for a screamplay I wanted to write about the mystery of the missing queen. There are many scholars that believe the jewel disappeared at the same time the ghoul who would be queen did; so either the scholars are incorrect, or there is more here than meets the eye. I didn’t want to be the one to rain on the funeral though, until I had a little more proof, especially with Clawdeen being so excited about attending the coronation. I did notice that Clawd wasn’t in the room with everyone else, and I’m wondering how he is dealing with this news.

October 7th

Clawdeen has sent me at least 30 texts and emails since last night detailing the fashions she’s thinking about taking to the coronation. I can see her now running around the room with absolutely every piece of clothing she owns spread out so she can mix and match fashions. She’s probably also been through Draculaura’s closet several times as well. I love her so much and I wish I could be there to make her laugh when she starts getting too serious. She’s so beautiful, though, that whatever she chooses will probably steal the show. I finally got an IM from Clawd asking if we could talk. This wasn’t unusual, since Clawd prefers one-on-one conversation to fighting for face time in a group. When he popped up on the screen he looked terrible, almost like he’d been crying, although it might have just been bad lighting. As usual, Clawd didn’t want to talk about himself and instead wanted to know every little thing I was doing. I finally had to say, “Stop howling around the moon and talk to me, little brother.” So he did. He told me that he didn’t trust the Lord Stoker character that showed up with the Vampire’s Heart claiming it led him to Draculaura. What’s more, neither did Draculaura. They both thought Draculaura would be miserable being queen, but that she would feel honor and duty bound to take the throne. Even so he was trying to be as supportive as possible and went on for a few more minutes about things that were worrying him. When he stopped I said, “You really love her, don’t you?” He looked down for a moment and swallowed hard, “She’s my best friend, sis, and I’m about to lose her forever.” Now it was my turn to swallow hard, and then he made an excuse about having to leave for practice and said a hasty goodbye. I’m going to do some more digging into this, because something doesn’t pass the smell test here, and a Wolf’s nose is always right.

#monster high #monster high diary #frights camera action #hauntlywood #clawdia wolf

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abtoddler · 5 years ago

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Good morning!

Soooooo imma air something that happened. Someone thought it was a smart idea to post meanness of one of my pics.

Yes, im defiantly not neurotypical. I am on a ton of new meds that trying to re established a healthy base.

I have had a meltdown by everyone i loved cause they really hurt me when they prolonged my fears and stuff. So fuck eveyone who wants to give their 2 cents saying that what ever i do hasnt got to with autusm. Fuck those people it the entire reason i was tortured by my mother, my dad was her muscle. Her abuse hit my school, i couldnt get away from them there. I couldnt have regular friends, they all had to be out and away from home because of how much she hates eveyone.

My disability case is being worked on by the disability advocacy center in san diego. This is a scary thing for me when its this bad. Its been this bad a few times. It always costs me my friends. Once someone triggers that kind of a response, it means they will be able to do it to me again, because of the trust they have established.

They use trust to have me vulnerable.

The talk and they tell me to “trust that they know what im talking about so i should not describe it, when they are entirely wrong

They’re gettibg mad at me when they set me off and start yelling at them when they make to much noise i panic

They get mad at me when i ask:

Can i please have the air conditioning on, ir please not talk, or they feel they are entirled to start smacking things, yelling at me for how perfect something is because its the only words i can het out.

So fuck absolutely all of you who would say no im not autistic, or my diapers, clothes, furniture, does in fact come directly from my regression features of the type of autism i have. I will be doing everything my psychiatrist told me to do.

Get safe.

Im doine being abused by people who make me love them, hurt me from their intentional harm because they are angry at me when i get scared. Of yelled at by my daddy when i don’t understand. I love those guys; but i also love my mom whose been compared to hitler, for her inflicting the aba abuses on me for 30+ years.

This is my page, my thoughts what i find nice and I am not going to let them have any say.

I no longer talk to my mother (march)

Daddy and one of my big brother are no longer living with me (april)

Big brother rocket. Is no longer in my life (yesterday) i told him goodbye.

If i will not tolerate the people i love hurting me because they are trying to when im afraid or im scared. I am an actual pirate and a sorcerer. If i have to become a villan in order to live a life free of the abuses by the ones i love.

My daddy hayden does a different everyone he knows how to calm me. Nikki and alex and hayden keep me level when i cant talk. They are in the technology where i speak and communicate (text).

This is my blog, my disability, my pain, my suffering, my abuses and my bad times. Turned into somehow so something good comes from my life.

My plushes are soft, my bed comfy for my bad back. Im medically incontinent so diapers are the entire problem ive had by my parents because for me they are a need: people abusing me because of rhe laundry list of needs that they don’t understand.

There are circles of people, big brother alex calls it like a castle. Or others for as a family. The difference betwen a parent like haydens, to a daddy like xavier: there is no amount of anything other then love to him. Same as big brother nikki and alex, im not normal.

Im a walking toddler, i eat babyfood cause my stomach doesnt digest food properly. I am incontinent front and back, my meds and the pain im in has been 8+ years. The abuses for my regression, my diapers, my personality, that those i love to allow them the kind of relationship where they are involved and a degree of trust had been established. However their actions have made it so i dont trust the network of support im supposed to have.

When im scared, or like unable to be around daddy cause im smoking my weed for pain management. If im talking to people online aboit the stuff that scares me because they are people who.choose me. Regardless of emotional problems and mental issues, to find the level or care i need. When those people in my support network fuck me up, they are no longer able to. My mother; i so dont want to see. Tim i never wish to see again. And i cannot emphasize how much i miss my brother nikki and daddy, and how completely different daddy hayden is. There is no competition for my love of these 4 men, and my loathing of those who intentionally cause me pain.

Im trying really hard. People who do not realize that yea im a disabled autistic regressor in chronic pain and have a laundry list of meds im either on or didnt. I hurt every day. I would rather my plusehs and crib than to not having what im comfortable with. If people do not allow my comfort, or safety. Then they are not ever going to be able to do it again.

My psychiatrist said to get to safety. I live alone now. Im not happy about it. I will be working with a psychiatrist and the disability staff and my doctors to chemically assist the process to balance my thoughts and try to come up with a version of me I like best.

#tykables dinorar #autism #wet #autistic #incontenence #chronic pain #little4evr

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lookwhatilost · 4 years ago

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lmao Christ I found the peach post abt my first date w andrew and it’s such a doozy

why did I even keep talking to him after this

this is long as fuck and also super nsfw but my fucking GODDD is it a ride

okay so I met andrew when he was bartending at social still a while back. hes p much worked in every bar in downtown Bethlehem – like, the tapas bar where I used to go w ian all the time, “nothing good ever happens at” rippers, he used to barback alongside w jus at steelgaarden, slung margaritas at urbano, and plied me w spiked shamrock shakes at mccarthys – so we’ve run into one another multiple times as he’s bounced around the north side. I made a joke once abt how he spawns in every bar and he thought it was funny

so he randomly asks me on a date over messenger and i accept. like, I’m still in contact w Justin but whatever undiagnosed mental illness he has is becoming more apparent and distressing w each passing day and it’s becoming more obvious that he intends to do nothing abt it. so I’m not rly sure abt what to do w that and those feelings and everything but it’s definitely time to start exploring other avenues even if it’s jst for the sake of palette cleansing.

he wants to go see this all female performative of waiting for godot at the community college and I think that sounds cool. it’s creative, it’s different, we can go out after it. I get home a little early and tell him we can hang out my place for a little beforehand and get the “getting to know u better” awkward talk out of the way before we go over. and he’s obviously very nervous but he’s sweet, yknow

we go over to the community college and the play is weird and long. the intermission is at 9 and we leave during that bc we dnt wanna be stuck there until almost midnight. so we go to TR (while tommy is working bc I’m Bitch) and chat and drink and we’re hitting it off very well. he’s cool! he’s smart! he’s funny! he’s weird as hell but in a good way! it’s not jus lvl Fireworks but I’m happy and I’m distracted. We hop to stoke and stick around until last call and grab a 6 pack to take back to my apartment

I literally never do shit like this but I have no problem w him coming over there and sleeping over bc, hey, I’m Definitely Going To Have A Second Date W Him. it rly seemed like this could’ve gone somewhere. so I thought

and what follows is nsfw bc I cant stress enough that this is basically my version of cat person

like listen. intimacy w justin was very hit or miss in terms of him being too rough or something awkward happening outside of that. and it was disappointing sometimes but it was something I could overlook bc it was someone I was fucking over the moon for. and those awkward moments were basically my benchmark for what bad sex looked like

I dnt think ive ever been more incorrect abt anything in my life

this guy is jst. the absolute worst. like first of all I take his shirt off and he has fucking dermal piercings on his hips and I’m immediately rly turned off by it but it’s like. ok. if I can overlook the stupid “please kill me” bullseye on justins chest I can overlook this. but he’s jst. so. so. LOUD. he won’t stop moaning like some girl in a porno. and dirty talk. so much. i HATE that shit so much it’s so stupid. like SHUT UP. i wanted to get a scarf out of my closet and gag him not even bc I was trying to be kinky or whatever like I jst wanted the fucking NOISE to end

he won’t stop yanking at my hair which i also hate. and he’s saying weird shit abt how he wants me to dominate him (literally went into my nightstand, took out my vibrator and told me to use it on him and I was like BITCH NO THIS IS SO WEIRD) and jst. I’m in this situation and actively hating every minute of this but I feel like it’s gone too far for me to back out.

but this jst keeps going. for literal hours and I’m so fucking tired at this point but he’s jst. not finishing or anything. i dnt even know how. so I’m basically jst going along w it waiting for it to fucking end and in the middle of this shitshow he blurts out “i love you” which was such a... bad moment for obvious rzns but that’s the only time someone has ever said that to me out loud. and I was like “shhh dnt say that” and he repeated it and jst kept repeating it throughout the hellish course of the night. and I’m jst sitting here wondering how this went from amazing date to the honest to god worst mistake of my life. thinking abt why I’m so concerned w being nice to this guy and not hurting his feelings when I’m jst in literal hell

it’s finally fucking over and I fall asleep. my alarm wakes me up at 7:30 bc I have to work but he’s not in my bed anymore and I hear someone fussing in the kitchen & what I think is a cork popping but I dnt rly know. and he comes back into my room and says that he went to do me a favor and cleaned my kitchen up a little. but the place is messier than it was last night which is?¿

at this point evan comes out of his bedroom and complains to us abt the horrible day he had at work and Andrew says to him ��you sound like you could use a drink!” But ev recoils bc it’s so early and he asks Andrew if he’s drunk & leaves to run errands. his reaction was a nervous “no” but he mixes something anyway and he’s like “this is for you babe” and it’s like. disgusting. it’s gin, razzmatazz, triple sec, rumchata, and coconut water. stronger than rocket fuel and not at all pleasant tasting. I reject the nasty cocktail and he slams it down. I tell him I have to work and he needs to leave. But he’s like “I wanna keep hanging out!” And he will jst. Not leave.

he makes another drink for himself and I see the gin is empty which is weird bc it was half full? and then it clicked that he was probably in my kitchen drinking all my gin while I was asleep. and it’s Hendricks. It’s expensive as hell and it’s also almost 90 proof. so he’s wasted to the point of delirium and I have to call into work to babysit him until he’s sober enough to go home

so I’m waiting for him to sober up and he keeps trying to initiate more sex and I keep rebuffing it and he takes his pants off anyway and jst. passes out w his entire naked ass out on the couch

so im jst sitting there for a little while questioning my life choices when ev comes back around 2:45 and is like. what in the fuck is going on and I tell him that Andrew decided to get morning drunk and things got weird. and he’s like “there is a half naked man on the couch and I’m going to do something abt it if you’re not” so ev yells “are your pants off?” and wakes him up and i tell him that I need to start my day and it’s probably time for him to go. he refuses, say he wants to hand out more. evan gets our swifter out of the closet and starts jabbing him w it, saying “GET OUT” so he finally does

he came over at 5. he left at 3 the nxt afternoon. he left his underwear on my coffee table and his flannel in my room (which I am stealing, not the underwear tho) and the second he left ev sprayed our couch down w Lysol and was jst losing his shit laughing at me

but all and all. turns out you can have a tinder horror story without tinder as well! who’d have known!

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regalmadness · 5 years ago

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50 questions you've never been asked

Tagged by @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie thanks love!

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush?

Pink

2. A food you never eat

There is something in my country called Auyama... yup that just

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold

Too cold, like I be cuddling and people will get scared that im as cold as ice and so to ease their worries I just burry my hands and feet into their coat or clothes 🤣

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Studying

5. What is your favourite candy bar?

The ring pop. I love it! It brings back memories. Either that or any white chocolate.

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

Yes I once had the oportunity to go to a basketball match between the Miami Heat and the Rockets

7. What is the last thing you said outloud?

Take your time its fine, I'll wait

8. What is your favourite icecream?

Bubblegum

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Water

10. Do you like your wallet?

Well it keeps my money safe and its got a cool design I guess

11. What was the last thing you ate?

Carrots

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

🤣🤣🤣🤣 living out of my pj collection lately

13. Last sporting event you watched?

The superball (Go 9ners!)

14. What is your favourite flavour of popcorn?

Butter ir cheese

15. Who is the last person you sent a text?

My best friend

16. Ever go camping?

Never have, but Im game all the way!

17. Do you take vitamins?

In case this is ever leaked outside of tumblr and out of the internet I just wanna say from the bottom of my truthfull heart... Mom if you are reading this, yes I am definitelly taking my vitamins every single day without fail. I definitely dont forget and take them daily and not just sometimes.

18. Do you go to church every sunday?

Not every sunday but whenever I can sure

19. Do you have a tan?

In this economy?

20. Do you prefer chinese food or pizza?

Pizza pizza pizza pizzaaaa

21. Do you drink your soda with straw?

I dont have an issue drinking it either with or without a straw but I prefer without since you know *Poison Ivy's voice* gotta do enviroment

22. What colour socks do you usually wear?

Bold of you to assume I only use 1 pair of the same colour and not go all harley quinn on my feet.

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

When its an urgency type of thing. (Always being caferul) *Insert panic voices in the backround, followed by the 'but did you die' meme* Otherwise I drive as fast as the speed limit lets me.

24. What terrifies you?

Well they dont terrify me but like big bugs are a HUGE NO from me (if it has wings make it an ULTRA NO)

25. Look to your left what do you see?

These handsome boys

26. What chore do you hate?

Cleaning the bathroom

27. What do you think of when you hear an ausie accent?

HOT!

28. Whats your favourite soda?

Its a Colombian brand its called cola y pola

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?

Depends on the mood of the day

30. Whos the last person you talked to?

My best friend

31. Favourite cut of beef?

I like beef I dont have a preference as long as it tastes good

32. Last song you listened to?

Westworld theme (lmao Im just learning piano so I kinda wanna learn how to play it... not because Im still NOT okay with what happened and want to remember Dolores anyway I can, nope Im totally fine with that, Im handling it like a normal grown adult, Im A OK)

33. Last book you read?

Oh wow. Uhhh I think it was a greek mythology one, cant remember the name 😭 its been so long since I've read anything other than the 1000 manuals and documents for work

34. Favourite day of the week?

Kinda varies from season to season, it depends on which tv shows are airing and their schedulle. It used to be sunday bc westworld but now *sighs*

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I can do it midly fast in spanish but in english? 🤣 Im like (how do you sing the song backwards again?)

36. How do you like your coffee?

Sweet! And I prefer Ice coffee to regular.

37. Favourite pair of shoes?

Captain marvel addidas sneakers

38. At what time do you normally go to bed?

That depends, are you refering to actually sleaping? Or at what time I tuck in and either spend till sunrise scrolling through this godforsaken website looking at memes or remembering all the emabasing moments of my life in movie secuence in my brain

39. At what time do you normally get up?

8-9am

40. What do you prefer sunrise or sunsets?

Sunsets

41. How many blankets are on your bed?

I know sometimes bitches be sleeping under 3 blankets, 4 pairs of pillows and butt ass naked because you know life. But you know... its me im bitches.

42. Describe your kitchen plates

Round and white

43. Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

Absolutely love cocktails! Anything with blue curaçao or tequila in it Im asfkkshsk! And if I had to choose a plain? Tequila for sure.

44. Do you play cards?

I do like card games and sometimes we play went we get together (family) but im not really good at it I just have fun lol

45. What colour is your car?

Dont currently own one. But my sub card is green if that counts

46. Can you change a tire?

Im a lesbian

47. What is your favourite providence?

Theres a city at the north east of the country called Bucaramanga. Its really nice the weather the people everything!

48. Favourite job you've ever had?

That would be my current job. Flying is my life! (I miss it so much 😞)

49. How did you get your biggest scar?

Long story short my mother was fixing some metal stuff and told me not to come into the house running (I was 5) so ofc I listen to the very wise advise my dear moma gave me and definitely didnt run, hence I definitely dont have a scar on my left cheek (its very tiny now)

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy

Gave my mom a letter and a beautiful everlasting rose.

Thank you, this was fun!

Tagging: @fandommember @dino-hoodie @mccdimples @hipesque @duranza @awhitefairytale @dfincher @giffing

#ask #me

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caps-clever-girl · 6 years ago

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thoughts on endgame.

fair warning, i am not going to be kind. i enjoyed watching this movie, for the most part. it was funny; it had many good jokes and good, pure and well done interactions between multiple characters. but i didnt like it, and here are the reasons why.

unfortunately, this isnt a ‘nitpicky’ post. my main problems are with a lot of the bigger points points of the film, and had quite a few. this is a LONG post.

• “marvels first gay character!!!!!!!!!!!!” shut up. you joined the ‘fad’ late for brownie points and it was a cameo character who got about 3 lines. there are plenty of canon queer and gay characters who could have been introduced, either as cameos or in earlier films. dont even get me started on the fact that tony has more canon bi material than most others and marvel could have taken the time or even the slightest bit of effort to make this. while i enjoyed the jokes about steve being Incredibly Hot and his ass being Gods Gift To America (which honestly??? correct!) that could have been expanded on. several characters made comments about how nice steve’s ass is, and could have been used as actual material for a queer character, instead of sticking a random chharacter in there. i get the whole ‘gay people could be anyone! its normal!’ thing by giving the ‘role’ to a regular person, but you would also prove that by making any one of your 30+ main cast actually queer instead of making gay jokes and hints that could be retconned and explained away by humour.

• slapping someone out of a panic attack, and treating the panic attack like a joke. yeah, i get it, they didnt have a lot of time. still, come on. did iron man 3 teach you nothing? apparently not since tonys ptsd was pretty much never brought up again.

• speaking of thor. now, i am not an expert, but when a person gains weight, they do not keep their abs. certainly not after five entire years - not even asgardians. i also found it odd that thor became the way he did. i understand gaining weight and comfort eating after all the trauma thor went through losing his home and brother and people, i really do, but 1.) do it properly, at least, and 2.) thor is the leader of his people. does he want the task? not particularly. he hasnt wanted to be king since the first thor movie, but hes been forced into the role. even depressed i dont think thor would shy away from it, not completely. hes always wanted to do right by his people and i think that hed stuck to it, especially after The Snap backing him into a corner, if that makes sense. to clarify, i dont have a problem with chubby/fat thor. (IF done right instead of with weird, shitty cgi, that is.) i have a problem with the fact that thor, even though he doesnt want to be king, would abandon the last remanents displaced people to build a new home all on their own and become a hermit gamer boy. ESPECIALLY with valkyrie around. she’s been through a derpressive, alcohol fuelled time in her life and thor pulled her out of it. (mostly anyway, asgardians are party animals and im p sure she still gets trolleyed on the reg) i have bo doubt that after years of wallowing she would do her damned best to try and kick his ass out of it, even if it were just because his people need a leader, instead of letting him drop everything on her and just let him stew while new asgard gets on with it. i also didnt like the fact that all of thors emotional moments were treated as jokes and made to be funny when hes genuinely Fucked Up about eveything thats happening and made his image into a whiny crybaby.

• professor hulk. more of a personal one, this, simply because i just didnt like it. fair enough if y’all disagree on this one, im not going to fight it. i just never saw him wanting to combine himself with the hulk. ever. when he apleared on the screen i was completely blindsided, and his explanation, and the way he interacted with the kids????? i just want to know where all of this confidence suddenly came from. i use the term ‘suddenly’ loosely, since its been five years, but bruce has never been the guy to care about strength or looks or fame. hes always been shy and nerdy. not afraid to stand his ground or make his opinion known. hes bot a catchphrase, posing and flexing ‘hell yeah lets take a selfie’ guy. i get that thats maybe the result of the hulk and bruces combined personality but it just felt WEIRD to me, like, there wasnt a time in the film where i felt comfortable with the character. this was the final avengers film, with all of the original six avengers in it. but it didnt feel like that, it didnt feel like bruce or the hulk was in the film, even though there was a lot of funny and good moments with orofessor hulk, it felt like a stranger with some familiar characteristics. it ruined any feelings of nostalgia for me. i like bruce, and i like the hulk. i like the way their differences add to the story and the way they interact with eachother, and the slow change in their relationship. sorry if its petty but i prefer them seperate, theres just so much more to them for me.

• clint and natasha’s journey for the soul stone. both times, in infinity war and endgame, a male character and a female character went to get the soul stone. both times the male came back and the female died, and we lost possibly two most developed and main-line female characters in the entire mcu. now i understand the reasoning for both, and out of the characters that went there, i agree with the choice. thanos and gamora; it was thanos who was aware of the sacrifice and who chose to make it. gamora didnt get a choice and was unaware until it was too late. thanos was never going to die there. he knew there would be a sacrifice and chose to take gamora, because she would be the most likely sacrifice to actualky sucsesfully yield the soul stone because she was the most loved by him. i get it, but we lost gamora and i dont like it. clint and natasha; looking at it completely objectively, clint has a family, a wife and three children, that he wants to get back. natasha does not have any children, nor any (blood) family. if i had to choose, based on facts like that, id choose her too. but i still hate it, because there goes the only female member of the avengers. also, nebula (and i think maybe rocket?) KNEW that a sacrifice would be made and either accidentaly or deliverately left out the terms of aquiring the soul stone. it would have been easy to tell, if not easy to solve. but nothinb was said, and two best friends had to make a fucking awful and horrible choice when they might not have had to.

• on the ‘feminism’ tangent; the random congragation of women in the end scene??????? i dont????? okay so i am marking myself as a hypocrite here because i did love this scene!!! it made my lil gay heart go boom to see so many good and strong women all in one place - ESPECIALLY rescue - and it also made me realise how many women there actually are across the mcu??? which was really nice?? but it just felt... so forced? the way they ALL suddenly apleared and stood together even though they were all mixed in around the battlefield. it was a wonderful thought and i did enjoy it, but it seemed too Off and Odd to seem as much more than a bid for Feminism Brownie Points.

• captain marvel. i dont know about you, but i was actually looking forward to her being in the film. for a character so hyped to be the saviour of the avengers and the end of thanos, she was barely in the film. ‘i have other planets to save, the earth isnt the only one affected by thanos’ yeah but earth is the only plannet actively attacked by him. its where the people who are rallying to fight him and reverse what he did are. dont you want to stick around and help them? surely it would be a hell of a lot easier with your help, and faster too. yes, she blasted theough the ship at the end, but she did fuck all to help defeat thanos himself, and the help she did give with the ship came at the end. i genuinely think they kept her out of the movie because she was too powerful, and would have made fighting thanos etc too easy to get all the suffering and noble sacrifices in. if she had been a side character i dont think id be as mad, but she got a whole MOVIE in which she is clearly the start of the entire avengers initiative; she is their HISTORY!!!! she is so powerful!!!! and yet she has 5 mins of screen time!! it pisses me off that she was So Strongly implied to be the character the avengers NEEDED, the one that without whom it would be IMPOSSIBLE to defeat thanos; the woman that really tipped the scales in there favour, and yet she did fuck all. (and lets not even get started on the carol/rhodey and carol+tony bromance we COMPLETELY missed out on.)

• (speaking of bonding what the fuck happened to tony and nebula????? after they were rescued it was like they never met)

• the whole entire concept of time what the fuck!!! ‘dont change anything’ okay well for the most part you did okay, and the PLAN and CONCEPT was actually really easy to grasp, at least to me, which is hard when working with paradoxes and wibbley-wobbley timey-wimey stuff. but that went out the water when past!thanos and his army were brought into the future and disintergrated. does this mean they’re dead in the past - since they would have just. Left and not come back and therefore ceased to exist from that point???? or did tonys Snap simply send them back to their point in time, with no memory of what had occured? idk because it aint explained.

• speaking of; loki. again - his past changed; he managed to escape, with the tessarect. this is not explained nor expanded upon. assuming the events of thor 2 came about - which were impossible if he escaped - then his timeline would carry on as normal, and would PERHAPS explain the tessarects wacky timeline. (i dont know for certain, because i cant work it out anyway). but loki disspearing means he wouldnt have gone to trial on asgard, nor would he wouldnt have been in thor 2 - also by extention meaning that frigga is still alive. technically if he went back to get odin off the throne anyway, everything else after thor 2 involving loki/asgard would still come to pass. either way, we dont know. it was a nice way for endgame to give fans what we wanted; the posibility of loki coming back. but it doesnt make a lick of sense, and we have no idea if hes still alive/escaped or not, and why. personally i have no fucking idea and im pretty sure it was a cop out so they could give us what we wanted. which brings to my other point:

• giving the audience what we wanted. we got loki interaction. we got loki ‘escaping’ and ‘surviving’ (????) we FINALLY got rescue, who many fans have been asking for since i think iron man 2, and even more so since The Badass That Was Pepper Potts in im3. we got morgan stark and tony and pepper married, we got jokes about steves ass, and more jokes about male characters admiring how hot other male characters are. and, most importantly, we got tony having the nice relaxing life he wanted out in his cabin in the woods with his wife and kids (even if it was a horrific way of getting there). i dont quite know how to explain it, but to me it seemed like they were shoving as many ‘fan-requests’ into the film as possible - so that when they killed off 2 of the original 6, and removed another by ageing him out of use, they could lessen the backlash and justify the changes by going ‘but you got so mych that you wanted beforehand!!’. a tactic they drenhed us with because one of those 2 was a fan favourite that people were BEGGING not to be killed off because they felt that he hadnt recieved anywhere near the peace or happiness he deserved so far - and now never will. which brings me to:

• tony’s death.

there are two parts to this.

one, i was incredibly pissed off because strange’s Big Plan, the ONLY reason he saved tony in infinity war, was so tony could use the gauntlet and kill himself anyway later. anyone in that film could have used that gauntlet - and many wouldnt have suffered fatal injuries; captain marvel, steve, t’challa, peter quill to name a few possibilities - basically, anyone who is in anyway enhanced would have had a better chance of surviving and would have therefore been the better choice; aka, half the mcu. i think it was a proximity thing; tony was closest. he had the oppertunity and the others didnt. but tony didnt know about the option of using it until strange looked at him and gave him ‘the signal.’ the signal to sacrifice himself. and of course, this is tony stark. when is he ever going to refuse that.

but reason two, and this is the one that stings the most; tony started the mcu.

in my opinion, he is the character who has put the most in during the whole ten years. he, of ALL the characters, deserves his happy ending of marrying the love of his life and having a kid, without constantly fearing that hes foing to have them ripped away from him, that hes going to have to fight to the death to keep them safe.

one of my friends, when i complained about tony dying, said; “it was his time. plus, he had a legacy! with pepper and morgan, and the iron man name. how can you be upset?”

i can be upset because tony got the happiness he wanted after losing exactly 50% of what he held dearest. i can be upset because hawkeye got his family back, but tony only got five years with his wife and less with his kid, instead of getting the oppertunity to grow old with his wife and watch his kid go to collage like clint will. i can be upset because the character that has gone through the most trauma, both physically and mentally, who spent the last ten years trying to better the world and everything in it and protect it, who got the most shit for every decision he made and who ended EVERY SINGLE FILM with a broken limb or his face littered with bruises and cuts while every other film centric character ended the film usually scrape free, didnt get his happy fucking ending. sure, he has a legacy. but i dont give a shit, because that legacy - of iron man, of morgan and pepper and stark industries - would have been there whether tony was alive to see it flourish or not. but he wont be.

this goes beyond being a ‘tony stan’ or tony being my favourite character. out of every single character, from start to finish, anthony edward stark fucking deserved a happy ending and by god he deserved it the most. i will argue that until my end of days.

i watched tony stark on screen for ten years, and i watched him get progressively more scarred and fucked up. his parents. the ten rings. losing yinsen. obie. vanko and hammer. the palladium poisoning. new york; the nuke and the wormhole. the ptsd, the panic attacks. the iron legion and retirement attempt. killian and extremis and the end of that returement attempt. wanda’s vision. jarvis being destroyed. the accords and subsequent civil war. finding out about the winter soldier and his hand in his parents death. finding out that steve knew. siberia. struggling to balence iron man and the accords. losing peter. being stranded on titan, in space for weeks.

tony in that wheelchair, shaking and rail thin and unable to stand for more than a few moments will haunt me forever.

i watched him suffer for ten years - longer, even, in-universe - clawing for his quiet, happy ending while fighting for the happy ending he thought the rest of the world deserved, and instead of getting rewarded he just got beaten down and beaten down. after ten fucking hears of watching the backbone of the entire franchise get nothing but shit piled on him until he struggled to breathe for it, excuse me for thinking he woukd finally get the chance to crawl out from under it and be happy. no strungs attatched, no awful, sacrificial price to be payed, just for a man who had given so. fucking. much. to finally get something for once, and be allowed to keep it.

well i was wrong. and i feel so incredibly fucking stupid for even hoping otherwise.

and thats what i didnt like about avengers endgame.

#thanos might have snapped first but now its my turn #endgame spoilers #marvel #avengers #thor #bruce banner #tony stark #squeak.txt #rant #avengers 4 #captain marvel #iron man

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elenajohansenreads · 6 years ago

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TAG GAME

Thank you for the tag @petrareads!

✨ Rules: answer seventeen questions and tag twenty-one blogs✨

nickname: For my real name, tons. For my pen name? None. Sorry. I know it's boring but the Internet only calls me Elena.

starsign: Gemini

height: 5’5"

last film I watched: My Hero Academia: Two Heroes

favourite musician: Picking one is almost impossible, but I'm getting over my four-year-long addiction to Anberlin with an (at present) 1.5-year-long obsession with Hozier. I do listen to things other than Wasteland, Baby! sometimes, but it's been my first choice basically since it was released.

song stuck in my head: Elton John's "Rocket Man"

other blogs: My WordPress blog covers my "real" blogging--articles and post series about writing, reading, and occasionally running- or video-game-based metaphors for reading or writing. Here on Tumblr I also have my main/writeblr blog, @elenajohansenauthor, and another side blog, @elenajournals, a journalblr that goes active in waves as I make stuff, then gets neglected for months on end. Feel free to follow me elsewhere!

Do i get asks: Not often. For a while I used to get a lot of asks for writing advice, those have totally died out. I get an ask or two if I reblog a game, usually, but unsolicited asks, almost never, except the pass-around positivity ones.

blogs following: 325

what im wearing: the summertime version of pajamas for me: a tank top and some sleep shorts. Both red, in this case, I don't usually bother matching but maybe today I had the sense someone was going to ask me?

dream job: Writing, but being able to make enough from it that it's my only job. Which isn't likely at this point, fortunately I enjoy my "day" job as well.

dream trip: Japan. Lots of other places, too, I'll travel just about anywhere, but that's the bucket-list-must-go-there place.

play any instruments: My voice, I've had extensive vocal training. I tried to teach myself guitar, my hands are just too small (there are common chords I literally can't play because my fingers are too short, even on my 3/4-sized acoustic) and I haven't bought a ukulele instead yet as several of my friends have suggested. Maybe someday.

languages: English, three years of high school and college French (my listening comprehension is still decent, I can't speak it worth a damn anymore) and one year of college Japanese (which I've mostly forgotten except what common conversational stuff I've reabsorbed from watching anime)

favourite food: Again, difficult to pick just one. I miss cheesecake. It was my favorite dessert until I became lactose-intolerant in my early 30s, and I can work around a lot of dairy things with vegan substitutes, but cream cheese is not one of them. I haven't had cheesecake in years, can that still be my favorite food?

favourite song: Today, let's go with Queen's "Bicycle Race." It'll be a different answer tomorrow, though.

random facts: I have three pots of herbs I'm trying to keep alive this summer (basil, rosemary, and mint) so I don't have to keep buying them pre-packaged at the grocery. While they don't have individual names, somehow collectively they became "The Three Stooges" when I mention them to other people.

I will tag (not 21 people but a few): @heretherebebooks, @magic-in-every-book, @ilightmytorch, @howlsmovinglibrary, @quilloftheclouds, @mcubed35, @vivwriteshere.

#about me #elena rambles

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raccoonpatriotism · 6 years ago

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Random, Useless Headcanons | Accepting

i like how i keep labeling this meme as “accepting” when i have…. 260 of these right here.

1: Has he driven a car before? Yes. Should he be allowed to keep driving? No.

2: You know that “I’m washing me and my clothes!” vine? That’s Jane. It’s efficient.

3: If you gave him Cat Food he’d say it’s the best thing he’d ever tasted.

4: Before going to Poland to serve his time, he hired a sex worker. Her touch would be the last non-violent physical contact he would feel for the next 9 or so years.

6: He donates a healthy sum of his paychecks to wild animal and veteran charities.

7: Jane’s ‘friendship’ with Merasmus is the longest relationship he’s ever held.

8: Jane doesn’t believe in the number 8.

9: He doesn’t have any titty mags, but he does have tasteful pin-up for the inside of his locker.

10: He’s an excellent swimmer - but will sometimes forget to hold his breath.

11: Getting Jane to imprint on you like a baby bird is really easy. Be strong, be patriotic, be funny, be determined.

12: He trusts everything he’s told from someone he views as a friend.

13: He’s been on BLU before - it was brief.., a WAR! got started and ended. A few years went by and he was balanced to RED

14: Continuation of 13, it was… very easy to get him to believe he was always on RED team.

15: He loves fighting robots - but nothing compares to the feeling of a neck snapping in his hands.

16: He taught himself how to use every weapon he came across in Poland - it took a few years before he ran into a rocket launcher…. His life was changed from that moment onward.

17: His knowledge of the US military comes from tv and stories from veteran home he was forced to work at through his older years at the orphanage. (Outdated or complete bullshit.)

18: The liveliness of America is just one of the innumerable reasons he loves the country. Even things he hates (like.. war protesters/hippies) have this determination in them that makes him proud.

19: He’ll pick ear wax out of his ear, sniff it, grimace, and happily hold the finger out to somebody near him.

20: He only wants the best for you.

21: Getting him to realize he’s actually ended civilian’s lives is a conversation that would take over an hour. His brain has the wildest, irrationally rational excuses ever. (”Officer Miss Pauling, what I am about to say will SHOCK you; I was framed” will never make me not lose my mind. ilove him)

22: His moral compass is, admittedly, terrible, but he genuinely wants the best for people in the world.

23: Helping people, serving his country, that’s his goal. That all he wants out of life. He’s a cog in the machine of war and he loves it.

24: Consequences don’t exist in Jane’s world.

25: He’s so fucking bisexual. This headcanon is not useless at all.

26: Jane snores like a chainsaw - and will then be absolutely silent for spaces of minutes.

27: He never covers his face when he sneezes.

28: He’s very touchy feely - A way to make up for what he so clearly craves.

29: But god this man wants to be touched.

30: As much as Jane holds back on admitting to weakness, he’s also just a genuinely honest guy so simple prodding usually gets him to spill.

31: Jane has never purposefully manipulated someone in his life.

32: He’s only ever seen one movie. Well, more like registered he always zones out at some point. Sometimes starting the movie in a day dream and zoning back in to catch the ending. The movie he’s fully seen was watched through 3 separate sessions.

33: War films, what he does catch, always make him cry.

34: With everyone he meets; Jane immediately thinks of two things. How to kill them. And what to say when holding their guts into their dying corpse and crying to the sky.

35: He has no idea he’s beautiful.

36: Jane doesn’t have a self-effacing bone in his body.

37: He chews with his mouth open, and speaks with his mouth full. He’ll also snap at someone else to stop talking with their mouth full, it’s disrespectful.

38: Jane had a dream where he beat Communism and thought it was true for a whole year.

39: He’s not dumb on purpose. He has nothing to gain by making people think he’s an idiot, as far as he’s concerned. He acts like himself 24/7

40: Jane invented that song Fifty Nifty United States song that’s song in elementary schools.

41: You know those kiddie leashes? You could put one of those on Jane and he wouldn’t be, like, “Okay.” Try and run off and be like “What contraption is holding me here?!?!?!”

42: The answer to life, the universe, and everything is American Apple Pie

43: i just realized im gonna get to answer a headcanon 69 and got excited. UHH jane likes the color red.

44: Jane likes the color blue.

45: Jane likes the color white.

46: Jane loves all skin colors, anybody can be American.

47: Has he retained any American history? Haha. Ha. No.

48: Jane was taken out of elementary school for bad behavior, lack of attention, and general ruckus.

49: His orphanage never tried to send him back to any schooling.

50: Jane was born July 4th, he doesn’t know that, despite claiming it.

51: He’s not an amnesiac - he’s never had a strong sense for long-term memories.

52: God, he loves bread.

53: And also he loves taking everything Engineer says literally. He’s such a wise American.

54: Jane would absolute trollface and say “Problem?”

55: He would never say a slur.

56: Jane does not use fuck as a curse ever. He’ll say it, but like, to mean, y’know.

57: He’s a follower, don’t tell him that. He’ll get offended.

58: Jane is convinced the President is the most powerful being in the world, and is also granted special powers.

59: Jane is progressive, baybee. He thinks dogs should vote!!

60: UNLESS IT HAS TO DO WITH WAR. Then he’s, like, a total bootlicker.

61: He’ll beat up racists in bars.

62: Jane really came alive during Grey Mann’s first robot attacks - for the second time he felt like he was protecting America and not some Very Important American Gravel.

63: If Jane ever got sentenced to prison, he’d just serve his time.

64: He has Lawyer Powers given to him by magic, and he is not afraid to use them.

65: Besides Scout, he has represented himself, Lt. Bites, and the state of Tennessee in court.

66: He was a bad roommate, he genuinely thought Merasmus was an even worse roommate.

67: Extreme Cold is a surefire way to trigger his PTSD. He doesn’t act all that different verbally, but he becomes entire still. Not even moving to shiver. It’s like he automatically transfers to late stage hypothermia.

68: Jane may have never played baseball, but he’s briefly been on a bowling team.

69: ayyyyy. Jane always returns the favor, if ya know what i mean.

70: I can’t tell you how much he can lift because I know nothing about fitness, but it’s a lot. And it’s impressive.

71: Jane practices unsafe workout routines! It’s a miracle lifting without a spotter hasn’t killed him yet.

72: He makes up for his genuine stupidity with Pure Luck.

73: He’ll kill, he’ll maim, but he won’t assault.

74: Jane’s favorite chocolate is Hershey’s.

75: He’s convinced Milton Hershey, founder of Hershey’s Chocolate, was a President despite him being alive in Jane’s lifetime.

76: Jane isn’t afraid of gay thoughts, never payed attention to period typical homophobia going on around him therefor never got a chance to develop it.

77: Jane would totally be the type of guy to see one of those Fireman Calendars and zone out staring at some dudes pecs and someone asks him if he’s okay and he’s like “I’m ogay.”

78: It’s a miracle, the first time Jane rocket jumped, his legs weren’t blown off. He was injured from the fall, surprised he’d gotten air at all. It was an accident and, while he’d never go to recreate it during his time in Poland, when he’d gotten hooked up to respawn and he saw all the high perches, the trick reoccured to him.

79: He loved Tavish so much

80: He was born in Tennessee, although he grew up in Wisconsin.

81: He’ll make odd little sounds - aborted sentences, thoughts lost to the depths of his brain. You can point them out and he’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.

82: He could have a possum mixed in with his raccoons and think it’s a raccoon.

83: He takes his Ranger Job very seriously. Just as serious as he does all his jobs. (So, you know. Not… very.) He is very enthusiastic at least!

84: He’s not empathetic at all, however energies at Large in a room really affect him. Chances are, if everyone’s in good favor, he’ll be really happy and relaxed - even if previously grumpy.

85: Jane can be really grumpy, that’s when his drill sergeant personality shines through - more often than not, he’s just a good natured loud patriot rolling with the punches of life.

86: He believes in the Judeo-Christian God, but also… believes the president is stronger than God? Sometimes? Depends on the situation. What is blasphemy haha?!?

87: Jane always wanted a puppy - meeting Bites, future Lieutenant, was like a dream come true to him.

88: Plus, he’d always liked raccoons - often responsible for tipping over dumpsters at his orphanage to help the little critters.

89: Jane can and will eat out of the garbage if not stopped.

90: He’s very passionate and strict about what he knows are fact (the issue is, facts can change pretty easily in jane’s head.

91: Good thing he has a helmet because Jane’s puppy-dog eyes are the sort that are clearly un-practiced and unintentional and thus made all the more soul-wrenching.

92: He’s always surprised by doorbells.

93: Jane would never smoke weed of his own volition, but under the influence, everything would make So Much Sense to him.

94: I’m talking the wildest stoner sayings, that always are so structurally sound it’s scary.

95: This man loves cashews.

96: “Mm crunchy things.. good.” - Shared thought by Jane and Lt. Bites.

97: Lt. Bites likes to curl up on Jane’s stomach when he’s sleeping. Jane often wakes up with his face covered in scratches and fur in his mouth. Much like the Soldier, the Lieutenant isn’t quite a sound sleeper.

98: Fuck, like, he loves cashews so much? The texture is amazing.

99: Jane has no illegitimate or legitimate children.

100: Jane loves his team almost as much as he loves America.

101: IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR scroll back up and read everything, LOSER otherwise… wow………you love soldier. me too……

CONTINUED HERE

#homeofthevan #patriotic answers #patriotic headcanons #100 headcanons so far.......#to be continued tomorrow.........#vanyel is absolutely ridiculous blame them and also love them

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drewxmay · 6 years ago

Text

Contestshipping Review - Part Fifteen - A Hurdle For Squirtle

Index

-The Title-

Great it’s cool

-Episode Link-

I made this review and the next one a year after the rest of these and saw the links to the old ones stopped working so now instead of linking to links on youtube here is the episode on DailyMotion. Also this copy should we watched at 1.25 speed.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x59dmbl

-The Review-

0:00

And the episode provides itself exposition! Unlike with the other reviews I’m not apposed to delivering some but the episode already does it so.

0:52

Theme soooong :D

2:13

End of song and CONTEST START YAY

2:35

Max: Our first contest in the Kanto Region!

Ash: Yeah. Let’s cheer really loud for May!

You guys are so suportive keep it up.

2:57

oo look ribbon. Very unique in that it onto has the bottom two.

3:08

May: Pretty exciting huh Squirtle?

Squirtle: Squirt al! (Ya :DDD)

So cute.

Harley: Hi May!

oof you scared me there.

Harley: I’m sorry I feel just terrible for giving you the wrong information about the contest entree pass yesterday. I’m just so glad you got in.

See Harley knows the basics on how to lie.

May: Drop the act Harley!

mad lil Squirt.

Harley: What’d ya mean?

May: I mean that it wont work! I know what you’re up too and im gonna win that ribbon

Harley: Wrong.

Harley: Wrong Wrong Wrong. You may have gotten into the contest but that’s as far as you go.

He’s right if you decide to use Squirtle during the fighting rounds.

3:39

Back to Lilian explaining contest stuff. When do we get to see great contest stuff.

4:28

It’s our good Rocket friends!

James: Do you think that Jessie could actually win?

Meowth: Let me put it to you this way: Not a chance.

Well I believe in her... If May isnt going to win then Harley might but I mean Jessie deserves some ribbons too she’s p awesome.

4:40

Harley is the first contestant WOO LEMME SEE

James: I recognize him!

Meowth: That’s the guy who messed up our gettaway with his Ariados!

His awesome Ariados.

5:00

Harley sends out his cacturn and tells her to use cotton spore (I think that Cacturn is a girl because that would made her a lesbian and that’s cool but whatever). The cotton spirals around in a sphere shape in the middle of the stage. Then, after a minute of waiting, she uses needle arm and

oooooo

6:18

Don’t be scared Squirtle it’s only going to stab you.

Then there are more contest appeals, but we never get to see harley’s score! Oh well.

7:06

Lilian: And now presenting our next coordinator empress Jessabella, the thoroughly fabulous.

Okay but Jessie had to ask to be called that and it’s just so perfect and over the top for her personality I REALLY LIKE JESSIE OKAY

Also that short hair is looking FABULOUS. Along with the headband because now it actually fits the color of the mask.

James: She’s up!

Meowth: Do it Jessabella!

More supportive friends. This is the content i’d like to see more often.

7:14

Jessie sends out Cacnia who is all set! They both start out running and then hug eachother. The audience is STUNNED that she just hugged a cactus.

Meowth: So far so good.

James: She’s holding out under the pain better than I could.

Best friends.

The audience makes comments about how that must hurt but Lilian, with tears in her eyes talks about how that must be true love how she and her pokemon can hug eachother even with out much it hurt, showing their deep bond.

What an interesting appeal!

Then, Cacnia uses pin missile, that explodes up at the top like a firework!

that’s actually beautiful. WHAT IS THE POINTS SHE GETS.

9:37

And now it’s may’s turn!

But Squirtle get’s stage freight... as I predicted. May please stay confident!

And she does :D It really shows how much she’s grown as a trainer, but she herself not being able to even pull herself through one little slip up and being so scared about screwing up and then later her pokemon is scared and instead of fretting over the things that could happen and worrying over this she says “It’s okay, it’ll be scary at first, but you’ll get used to it” really shows a development of character.

but then she sends out cumbuskin for the find round???

oh well :/

So! She takes off her bandcana, and Cumbuskin uses fire spin towards the bandana. Flames circle around it and cumbuskin jumps through those

and sky uppercuts over and over next to the thing, making it spin in circles fast enough to tie it back into a hat and land right back onto May’s head!

cool!

Squirtle is very impressed by this and is very excited.

11:16

Looks like Jessie scored Higher than Harley! Cool!

Harley and Jessie end up being paired to battle and May and a background character are paired up. I guess that Jessie isnt getting that ribbon after all...

12:00

Also Harley and May. Nothing really interesting enough to caption jus that Harley is gonna win and he’s gonna make may upset.

what the fuck-

Jessie: They may have turned me into a human pin cushion but I’m the one who’s going to the final round and taking that ribbon!

Harley: Oh dear, and who are you!

actually that was spectacular haha.

Jessie: I’m coordinator Jessabella!

Harley: Ah, so you’re my next opponent, or shall I say next victim?

Jessie: Oh? This is fun. We’ll

Okay but these two interacting is the best. Their personalities just bounce off eachother so well.

12:55

time for the battlessss. Starting with Harley and Jessie! Harley sends out Ariados and Jessie sends out Wabafe-

WAIT A SECOND

I might have old memories of this episode ahhhh hahahaha

They’re standing there.

I finally found it hahaha.

Wabafett only really knows counter, which doubles the attack and sends it back at the pokemon that attacked it. Harley knows this, so he decides to do nothing so that she can’t attack him.

So they just

stand there.

Jessie: Oh c’mon! Just attack us already!

Harley: Not a chance! I know what you’re trying to do.

Lilian: You leave me no choice! Both of you are issued a yellow card.

And their points both go down by half.

Jessie: What??

Harley: No fair!

Lillian: Sorry but this isn’t a staring contest! You’ve given us nothing to judge!

Jessie: What do you want me to do about it??? He’s the one standing there like a statue!

Harley: At least I’m not pretending to be some phonie empress!

Jessie: At least I dont have a mushroom for a hat!

OUCHHHHH

Harley: Ya well sticks and stones!

Lilian: I’ve heard enough! I have no choice but to give you both a second-

Harley: Alright alright alright! I’ll attack her!

Harley: If you keep her from disqualifying me i’ll do it. But, wait a minute! I know! No one said my attacks had to be offensive.

Wabbafett use Taunt.