#only problem is rereading it makes me want to rewrite bits

[swiftjay23]

You wrote me wrong.

pairing: Idol!Jay x fem!reader

genre! fluff, tiny bit of angst, double life au, secret relationship.

Summary: You’re an editor on the media team at Belift, writing clever captions and emotional taglines for idol content that would make readers chuckle. By day, it’s a normal job. A normal life. Or so your colleagues think. By night? You’re VenusQuill, a wildly popular, anonymous fanfic writer with thousands of Tumblr followers begging for more Jay x Reader fics, and maybe your identity. The only problem? A certain stranger online has taken a keen interest, insisting you got the details wrong, and he won't budge until you've fixed them.

Word Count: 2876

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

You sigh for the hundredth time this hour, rubbing your temples together. You had been stuck editing the same five minutes of the video clip and rewriting captions just because your manager thought, "It's not up to the mark, Kim."

She always called you by your last name. You were half-convinced she didn’t actually know your first.

This specific clip was of Jay. Sharp jawline, eyes glinting like he knew something you didn’t, giving the camera a cheeky smile as he adjusted his mic.

You stared at the screen.

Thought.

Stared again.

Was this smile... sweet or sinister?

You’d tried captioning it both ways.

“The smile that melts hearts.”

Backspaced.

“He knows exactly what he’s doing.”

Backspaced again, because you didn't need your other job's energy to show.

Maybe he did know. Maybe that smile wasn’t for the fans at all. Maybe it was aimed at the editor sitting in this too-cold office at 1 a.m., sipping vending machine coffee and accidentally memorizing the curve of his lips.

Yup, it was official. You needed to touch grass.

You saved the file for the seventh time, titled it something neutral and boring: Jay_CamSmirk_FINALFINAL_2.mp4. Great, more material, now you could finally complete that one last chapter you left your readers hanging on for the past 2 weeks.

And just as you were shutting down your screen, your phone buzzed.

Tumblr. You smirked. Boy, was this going to be one hell of a final chapter.

-0-

You sigh, clicking Post on 2:13 a.m. You had finally finished the series and were pretty happy with how it turned out. Jay and Emma (your OC) had worked it out, confessed, kissed (twice), and promised forever in their own quiet way.

You even teared up a little rereading that last line.

"I love you, Jay. I love you whole, down to the birthmark on the right side of your neck."

Romantic. Subtle. Just specific enough to make your readers scream in the tags.

You put your phone down, face full of smug satisfaction and ramen crumbs. Maybe stretch out, relax, and-

It barely took five minutes.

Your phone buzzed. Then buzzed again. And again.

Tumblr notifications that made you smile,

'OMG I LOVE IT ARGHHH'

' BITING MY PILLOW RN'

'GIRL, DAY BY DAY IM MORE CONVINCED YOU REALLY ARE JAY.'

You snort, you had heard that one before. A lot. A part of you wanted to play along, but you quickly reminded yourself 'DO NOT REVEAL IDENTITY IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES' So you let them argue. A few more hearts. A couple tags. A few reblogs.

You stretch and yawn, feel your eyes droop and allow yourself to fall asleep. Jus then- another notification, but it's not what you would have expected..

An anonymous message.

Umm you actually got it wrong.

You blink. What?

You tap to open it.

The birthmark’s on his left side. Not right.

You sit up straighter.

How would you know?

You type, half amused, half curious.

The reply is immediate.

Just… trust me.

Well, that was strange. You try not to think much about this random stranger who claimed they knew Jay better than you, an actual person who works with them regularly, did.

-0-

You really needed to find better timing and schedules. The eye bags under you eyes were twice the size of your eyes and you looked like a single woman struggling to find a job.

Today, the others in the media department were heavy on gossiping, Grace immediately called you over, "OMG! Y/n, did you see the last chapter on Stained Red? I think a part of me died and came back." Before you could respond, another person cuts in, "I know right! If I don't get a confession like Emma in my life? I'm killing my husband." she huffs dramatically.

You chuckle to yourself quietly, letting the other women fawn over you work not knowing their favorite author was right there.

Right then, your manger, Mrs. Lee walked in, "Team," she addressed the room at large, "We have a huge brand deal shoot scheduled today. The requirement is one member, anyone want to come with?" She looked around expectantly.

You raised your hand tentatively, the last time you met the boys, they were exactly what they were on cam, kind, caring, helpful, gorgeous sexy vampires- you were comfortable enough around them.

Mrs. Lee gave a nod. “Great. You’re with me.”

You ignored the chorus of jealous groans that followed—especially Grace’s dramatic “Take me with you!”—and packed up your camera bag like a soldier going to war. Or a fangirl entering dangerous territory. Same difference.

-0-

The set was bright. Too bright. You blinked against the lights as stylists and managers buzzed around. Jay was already there, lounging in his chair, a black coffee in hand and a stylist adjusting his collar like he wasn’t already halfway to looking like a heartbreak.

You avoided eye contact. Cool. Chill. Professional.

Totally did not spend the last two months writing emotional monologues from his POV. Nope.

“Kim,” Mrs. Lee called. “Can you go over the shotlist with him?”

You hesitated. “Me?”

She gave you a look. The kind that said, Do your job, not your little internal panic party.

You walked over, clipboard in hand, suddenly very aware of how sweaty your palms were. Jay looked up and gave a polite nod. “Hey, Y/n.” He knows my name.

“Hey.” You smiled too fast. “I just, I have the list. It’s mostly close-ups, one interview bit, and a couple casual interactions for the brand’s reels.”

He nodded, eyes flicking to your clipboard, then back to your face. “Cool.”

A pause.

"Apparently, there is this thing called fanifcs?" His voice trailed off expectantly. It took you all your strength not to choke on your saliva. Hide your account, he knows, you told yourself, trying to think of the best excuse if he ever found your account.

You blinked. “Fanfic?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. You know. Those crazy stories on Tumblr. Some are good. Really specific, though. Like… borderline creepy how well they describe things.”

You forced a laugh. “I mean… I guess the internet’s full of weirdly talented people.”

Jay smiled. Not the kind for cameras this time. "Yeah, Sunoo told me about them, said something about this one called, Stained Red?" He said, trying to remember. Oh no, all the excuses you had thought of better come in handy right about now.

Jay shot you one last smirk before getting up to set his mug of coffee down.

The kind that said: I know something you don’t.

Just then, Mrs. Lee beckoned you over to look over the filming and editing equipment, so you were glad you could get an escape.

Your phone vibrated, it was a Tumblr notification. You knew you had worked you ass off keeping your double identity secret, but curiosity kills the cat, especially considering it was the same anonymous number that had told you had gotten a detail you spent weeks memorizing wrong.

Y/n, you aren't being slick

You blink. What. The. Hell.

There was no way the same stranger who had claimed you had gotten it wrong knew you, the real you. Kim Y/n who worked at Belift, Kim Y/n who could write them so good because she had spent countless hours with them.

Check your laptop.

You sit up straighter. Quickly ruffling though your backpack, you find your laptop, there was a note attached to it.

Meet me after filming ends.

You need to get a few details right.

You wrote me wrong.

-Emma's one and only.

Oh absolutely not. You would have dug a hole right there and buried yourself in it. The man you wrote fantasies about read them, and now insisted you wrote him wrong. You were mortified, ready to throw a million excuses his way.

You looked around instinctively. No one was watching. Jay was on set again, perfectly camera-ready, laughing at something Sunghoon had said. He didn’t look like a man who had just shattered your carefully guarded secret.

-0-

"Okay so for starters, my birthmark is on my left, not right.” Jay said, leaning casually against the wall like he hadn’t just cracked open your entire secret life. You would have to admit though, his jawline could cut through you confidence right now.

You blinked at him. “I- I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jay raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth quirking up in that infuriatingly smug way. “You sure? Because Emma’s got a pretty good memory. Except when it comes to neck geography.”

Your mouth opened. Then closed. Then opened again. You looked like a goldfish trying to deny arson charges, except, maybe that was exactly the type of situation you were stuck in.

He took a step closer, not intimidating, but close enough that you caught the faint scent of his cologne, something citrusy and criminally distracting. “I gotta admit, though,” he continued, his voice lower now, almost like a secret, “you’re a hell of a writer.”

You gaped. “You… read it?” Somehow, it shouldn't have shocked you, but it did.

Jay gave a one-shouldered shrug, all casual nonchalance. “Sunoo reads them out loud sometimes. For fun. We take turns guessing which lines you’ll end a chapter on. He says you always drop emotional bombs and then vanish like a coward.”

You made a strangled sound, your idols knew you. But not in the way you would want.

“Oh, and the part where Emma says Jay tastes like vanilla and danger?” he added, “Bold of you.”

“I—he—she—it’s metaphorical!”

He grinned, voice dropping even more as he leaned closer, “Mm. You sure about that?”

You wanted the earth to swallow you whole. Preferably before he quoted any more of your own writing back at you like some smug, perfectly jawlined mirror.

Then his smile softened, just slightly. “But… you also got a lot right.”

Your breath hitched. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He glanced toward the studio, then back at you. “But not everything. So how about you let me help?”

You frowned. “Help?”

Jay took another sip of his now-cold coffee. “You want accuracy, don’t you, VenusQuill?”

Your eyes widened. "How did you find out?!" you whispered, Jay raised an eyebrow, amused, "Let's just say you may have left your Tumblr notifications last time you were on the filming set with us."

Absolutely not. Jay had known for a very, very long time.

“Relax. I didn’t tell anyone.”

You looked up. “Why didn’t you?”

“I liked reading them,” he admitted. “It felt like someone actually saw me.”

You blinked.

“And besides,” he added, tilting his head, “you made me fall in love with myself. Now, do you want help, or not?" You didn't respond.

He smirked. That same devious one you'd captioned at 1 a.m.

"Thought so."

-0-

You weren't just leading a double life now, it was a triple life. What with editing, writing and lowkey simping for Jay 24/7 while he was trying to help you and you were supposed to keep it a secret wasn't as easy as it sounded, especially the bit about Jay.

Surprisingly, Jay didn't out you. He didn't mock you. Instead, he started sending "suggestions." Quietly.

A little smirk over your shoulder while editing. "That’s not how I hold my mic, by the way.” “Wouldn’t say that line, it’s too corny.” “Emma should’ve kissed him sooner. Just saying.” You were ready to rip your hair out. Somehow, you started letting him in. He gave you insider details only Jay would know, and your fanfics? They hit harder than ever. Readers went feral. You knew why. Jay was in them—really in them now. You just didn’t tell them he was helping write himself.

Gentle and considerate, getting you coffee when you had a rough day at work, he stayed behind after filming and offered to help you carry equipment, even though it was pouring, surprising you with plushies whenever you didn't have the motivation to write, "Emma and Jay wouldn't appreciate this." he would say in his cutest stern voice while puffing out his chest.

You didn't realize you were falling for him.

It happened slowly, subtly.

You tried to deny it at first, but after seeing how he cooed at you niece after you showed him a picture, or when he sat next to you while you typed, offering silent company while your fingers flew over the keyboard. You knew, Jay wasn't just the character anymore. He was the muse. The one. The man who made your words fall into place like poetry.

You felt your feelings grow, the jealousy that bloomed when he payed someone else attention. And you knew, you had to confess.

It wasn’t grand. It wasn’t fireworks.

It was you, breathless after hours of editing together, after he and you celebrated with ramen in your apartment, whispering, “I think… I’m starting to like you. Not just as Jay in my stories.”

“I wasn’t writing Jay the idol,” you whispered. “I was writing you. You from real life.”

Jay’s eyes softened. “Good. Because real-life me has been in love with you too. And I was hoping you'd say that before I had to write my own fanfic.”

He kissed you. Twice.

It was soft, electric and not rushed, like you and him had all the time in the world, like nobody else mattered and it was only you both. He held you gently as you looked at him with an entire universe in you eyes.

Butterflies exploded in your stomach and stayed there.

-0-

Your relationship bloomed in secret.

Of course, the boys knew.

Sunghoon caught on first. “Why are you suddenly blushing when he talks?”

Ni-Ki blackmailed you both with blurry photos until you agreed to buy him dinner.

“Yah,” Heeseung smirked. “So Jay’s got a girlfriend and a fanfic ghostwriter? Lucky.”

“Technically,” Sunghoon added, “he’s dating the best Jay writer on Tumblr.”

Jay squeezed your hand under the table. “The only one I read.”

You smiled into your ramen.

They kept it secret. They protected it. Protected you.

That's when it started, because good things never seem to last.

It started with one blurry photo.

It happened in a blink.

A photo of your reflection in Jay’s sunglasses, a blurry screencap, and a Tumblr deep-dive later, a caption attached to it: “Jay from Enhypen spotted with a mystery girl from the media team???”

The internet exploded.

Then someone, after digging deeper, found your writing. You knew leading a double life wouldn't work out forever, but you didn't expect becoming the most hated person on the Belift team. Anons flooded everywhere, your inbox, your messages, your socials. None of them helpful or encouraging.

“Who is this chick with Jay?” “No way I idolized her SMH 🤦‍♂️” “She’s not even that pretty.” “Gold digger vibes.” “This is her?? She wrote all those stories about him??” “Unprofessional. Disgusting. Clout chaser.”

You were dragged. Posts dissected your old fics. Hate rolled in like a tide. Your phone wouldn’t stop buzzing. The internet turned fast and hard.

Jay grabbed your hand in the car after a shoot. "Don't listen to them, love. Look at me, I'm here for you. Don’t read it.”

You didn’t listen. You read every single hate comment, every single ugly edit on you. You cried the hardest you ever had all your life in Jay's arms. He held you the whole night.

You were shattered and depressed, you couldn't do you job, Jay was increasingly worried about you. You wanted to shut it all down. Disappear.

But Jay didn’t let you.

He posted first. On his own page.

A photo. You. His hand in yours.

Caption: “She wrote me wrong at first. But I never stopped reading.” “And I chose her. Not because of what she writes. But because of who she is when the words fall away.”

The boys backed him. The company, surprisingly, too. And Jay stood by you through it all. Not just in silence—but in truth.

The next fanmeeting, a girl asked Jay about Stained Red. He smiled. “Best fanfic I’ve ever read.” Cheers. “Did you know the author?” she giggled.

He met the camera’s eye and said, “She’s the love of my life.” That went viral.

Jay didn’t flinch. He held your hand in public. Took you to cafés. Shared a blurry photo of your shoes on Instagram with the caption:

The hate faded slowly. Then came the love, the thing that was always there.

People moved on. Fans started calling you their favorite plot twist. Edits of your fics and real-life moments went viral. People even started tagging, “VenusQuill canon real.” Your latest fic started with:

“This time, I’m writing us right. No secrets. Just love.” And Jay? He commented on it, finally, publicly.

“I love you whole. Down to the left-side birthmark you wrote wrong. Always.”

You posted a final author’s note on your blog.

"This is the end of Stained Red, but the beginning of something better. Thank you for loving us. -VenusQuill 💌"

This was something you had always wished for, something far greater and loving. You had Jay, and Jay had you, that was all you needed against the world.

The End (And possibly the beginning of a beautiful chapter.)

Masterlist

[ckret2]

During my reread with my gf I was reminded of something that confused me during my first read, and it also confused my gf when we came across it again:

In the final chapter of season 1, Bill crosses the weirdness barrier. That's very much what it sounds like has happened. And when he does, he seems for some reason confident it will work and doesn't seem to react when it does. I'm not sure what this is implying. How long has he known he can do that? Am I completely misreading and that didn't happen? And if he has know or just learned at that moment, why wouldn't he leave? I get he wants to go back for Mabel but most of his limitations seem basically nonexistent if he can cross the barrier.

I think on my first read I glossed it over as something that will be explained later on but It seems like it hasn't been explained past what we know, and even if it is a mystery why he can or how he knew, it totally threw me off and has me very confused about the situation now. I basically understand the whole sleepwalking thing though it was a little complicated, but that seems to be a solution for only the door problem.

ALSO we were confused bit the jumping off the roof and retreiv8ng things from the woods thing. Did that happen? How? What?

Basically TLDR: I just remembered that I'm confused about everything

yes, he walked across the barrier. the thing you read happening is what happened.

yes, he was confident he could do it

what it's implying is that he was able to walk across the barrier and was confident about this fact ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

this is what you're supposed to be able to conclude: either he knew that could happen the whole time, or he didn't test it but "knew" it because Bill sometimes decides something is true and then acts like it is. Which it is doesn't really matter, because the end result is the same: the whole time, he was sure the barrier wouldn't hold him, and he was correct about it. That's the new information you received this chapter.

This means that at the start of the fic he was totally bullshitting in the car when he acted like he thought he was gonna die.

he didn't leave before now because he's been locked up. Otherwise he would've.

he doesn't leave after this because 1) he doesn't wanna ditch Mabel, 2) he doesn't wanna ditch Ford, 3) if he leaves town then he loses access to the portal back home, which is clearly something I need to emphasize a lot more on rewrites, I thought the fact that he keeps bringing it up would've got the job done; and 4) he's an arrogant egomaniac and he's going "Ford decided to spare me? That means I won!! The humans just don't know it yet! Now I'm just pretending to play along but really I'm totally free and can do anything I want! It'll be like a week until they get with the program and loosen all my restrictions, I can wait that long." which is also something I clearly need to emphasize more.

yes, he jumped off the roof and got his stuff. The takeaway from that scene is meant to be "damn, ok, sure, I guess sleepwalking Bill can float now"

during the eclipse arc he got floatier faster than the humans. When asked why gravity was affecting him less than them, he said it's because he's better at floating because he's had more practice. After the eclipse arc, he immediately started making inanimate objects float in midair. Now, he can float in normal gravity.

These things haven't been revisited since then because even though you've read like a dozen chapters plus an entire damn novel about the Axolotl since then, for Bill it's been like two and a half days, during which time he's been busy rescuing children from soul-sucking cameras and watching the Pines fight Bigfoot in scuba gear. He's had neither an opportunity nor a reason to visit the barrier or float around.

[bloomingbiych]

I just finished rereading aot again for the fourth time probably. I love chapter 114. I also am a bit pissed that i have to rewrite my thoughts AGAIN. Because Tumblr decided my connection was ass. (IT WAS NOT). Anyway i love zeke as a kid so much. This chapter means so much to me because we get to see zeke without all the lying. Without the beard or the glasses that makes it hard to read his fucking expressions and thoughts. Finally a peek into his fucking brain .

He was an honest kid. He was a kid. He cried, and laughed, and smiled just like one. This chapter felt so humanizing for me. I love when his smile reached his eyes. He was so expressive growing up. And he probably still is if those fucking glasses and beard doesnt cover most of his face. Like cmon id like to see your eyes please?? The window to your soul? I love you for being so mysterious ig.

His eyes is so expressive. The way he doesnt even look them in the eye... He doesnt want to be a warrior. I think this shows how evil and hate isnt born, its taught. He wasn't born a liar.

The way he just spills everything so fast here. Mr ksaver was the only one who made him understood..

He never grew up. He mentally never left here. Child soldier and trauma be making it hard for him to be present. To be able to enjoy life.. (his life wasn't that great though even if you were present. Actually maybe being present would've just been worse.) i love how aot has a lesson on keeping kids away from adults problems.

[drippingmoon]

Merry new year to everyone, again! 🥳💞🥂

I know it wasn’t an event this year, but writing a yearly wrap-up is really therapeutic, you know? So I decided to continue the tradition, and if anyone wants to join me, absolutely view this as an open invitation^^ Introduction is over, and now let’s see what 2023 looked like:

(spoilers: I adored it. I'm also probably going to make this my fixed post, in case anyone ever wants to catch up with me. And also because my second baby, AoS, is growing, and it doesn't have an intro, but I can't leave it out.)

Stats

Aquiver, Aglow: 181k (draft 4) + 195k (draft 5) + hmm, draft 6 is an outlier, because I didn’t rewrite from scratch, so I’m unsure of the written word count. I didn’t change much from draft 5, so I’d say an extra 15-20k. Total word count: 376k+

Remains of a Night: 120k 

Aberration of Sunlight: 134k

This was definitely my most productive year to date. And I got so hungry: the more I wrote, the more I just wanted to keep writing, and honestly? I’m proudest of myself for literally carving writing time whenever I got a spot into my schedule. Mostly it was from 8pm-11pm, but I had a mad run where my only free window was from 1am till I literally felt I was dying… I’ll talk about that separately🤣🤣👌

Though, I'm seriously understating it.

Like a lot of other people, I would have all these hours when I was younger when I didn't have anything to do, yet I'd still find some excuse not to write. "I'm waiting for the right time." "I'm anxious I'm not going to get it right." "Tomorrow! Tomorrow I can start right from the morning, and I'll have more time to write, yeah?" or "I'm too tired now, it's late..." and so the snowball rolled down and downhill and I found every reason under the sun not to write, now that I think about it. Sigh. So much time wasted. But I can't regret it either, because I needed those baby steps at that time.

And now! Now I do what I thought I'd never learn to: I prioritize, and I actually organize my daily stuff so it's not so impossible anymore to have a little bit of writing time. I don't take it for granted either. It feels like such character growth for me, I'm immensely proud of it.

And for the record? This year was a huge improvement over yesteryear mentally, too. It turns out, what I needed to get over my word count anxiety… was to be faced with people who literally didn’t give a fuck about it, and just cared about the story. One of the most unexpected things beta stage managed to do to me… was to quench all my anxieties. It’s as simple as that. I read and enjoy very long books. People also do that. So, I’m very happy to say I’m no longer in a tizzy about ‘quiv. It might kill my chances for trad publishing, it might not. I’ll be happy come what may.

Because it’s so simple how working on ‘quiv or thinking about it makes me joyous, and now I can just enjoy that freely. I will miss writing this story so much. I really will. But at least I’ll have it forever to reread, and I hope this thought brings comfort to everyone who also has problems letting go, like it does to me.

Let’s break it down a little, shall we?🤩

Aquiver, Aglow◇◇◇

My little star of the hour. How fond I am of it.

Like you could glean from above, ‘quiv went through three drafts this year. More specifically: in the first part of the year, practically almost as soon as February arrived. I knew it was getting closer to the final version, and gave me the push to finish all three back to back. I couldn’t justify anymore the bazillion AUs I do with rewrites (basically, WHAT IFs from events, WHAT IF it went this different way, WHAT IF Tyrone actually said this here… and so on and so forth. I wanted to test out as many pathways as possible, and did I exhaust every one of them in existence? Definitely not. I don’t think that can happen, you just keep getting new ideas. On and on. What happened, instead, is that these couple different pathways, at some point, cemented themselves as canon in my mind. I didn’t want to tease myself with alternatives anymore, and that’s when I knew they would be it. Some bits from the first draft, some from the third, some from the second. Some were even draft 6 originals!

It’s a bit of a weird process. I definitely didn’t need to reach draft 3, and meet Mezusa, because I could’ve feasibly made it work with just Yles in the story. It still would’ve made sense, though in a different way. But if I hadn’t… I might’ve missed one of the best characters I’ll ever probably have created, and the story (and Yles) is much stronger for her, if you ask me. 

For that matter, yes, full rewrites every single draft might take a lot of time and effort, but honestly I don’t think I’d ever change my writing process (save for the moments of frustration when I think I will lol) because of the sheer satisfaction of it. Whoever said so long never to settle on the first version, I owe you a beer and probably some curses as well lmao, but very lovingly. You shaped my writing life.

I don’t have much else to share about ‘quiv, other than it’s off with my beta readers my beloved, and maybe a tentative promise that, if anyone wants, you’ll be able to read this precious ball of hope of mine relatively soon. This story is so gentle to me. And as much as I loved to write and work on it, I dearly hope that whoever decides to give it a go, is treated just the same. That’s the only wish I have.

I also don’t know if I’ll go trad or self-published. Instincts say trad, because I fuckin’ suck at marketing (fact), and I know I’d grow resentful if I’d have to put so many hours into advertising when I know I could instead… write. I’m a writer. That’s the only thing I know how to do. Trad, however, might not be as kind on a ~200k as life’s been, so I might not have a choice. If it comes down to that… I’ll just treat it as I do everything. I don't love this story any less if I just write, publish without a fuss, hope that maybe, just maybe, a reader or two will stumble upon the story and we could talk. Maybe we can have the fun of our lives, create some genuine connection. I know that’s applies to a lot of writers. I hope we can accomplish it.

And so, I’ll finish this section of the wrap-up with a kiss to my ‘quiv, for all the warmth it’s ever brought me. It’s come so far, I know it can live distinct from me from now on. It brings me great comfort. And I look forward to the times I’ll reread it, and we can relive our best experiences together. Never thought I’d get to this point. Thank you, ‘quiv.

Remains of a Night♤♤♤

Mwhahaha! And because ‘quiv took all the pressure, this left AoS to be an extremely fun and spirited experience. Literally the chillest I’ve ever been writing. In many ways, it’s more my thing than I expected ‘quiv to be: I get to murder characters left and right, it’s more plot-heavy and banking on the tension created by a creature that horrifies the characters down to their marrow, but still the only way to defeat it is to know it better, which, uh, might have unpleasant consequences for them. It’s got chase and stealth scenes, and it always shoots me with adrenaline to think about them. In short, exactly my jam.

It’s not a new book, nope. You knew it before as Aberration of Sunlight, but from the get-go I felt it would be bigger than ‘quiv. Very fortunately for me, I had a place where to break it, and behold: there’s RoaN (book 1), and AoS (book 2). There might be a third book, which I dearly hope not because titling sucks, but it depends on the Sycamine arc. More on that in AoS.

One last thing to note, before we delve into the story (hoo-ray for earlier drafts, because I can talk more frankly about them). This is the culprit of my 1am writing adventures!!😫❤ My schedule became too packed, then NaNo came round and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to honor how AoS began, because it was last year’s NaNo, aaand I’m happy to say I won NaNo, somehow, with 56k down before I died. At that time, I only had one section left to write (from both books), otherwise, hahahaha, yeah, it wouldn’t have flown. Still, most of draft 2 I’d written in September-October, with my fairy lights, late nights, and cups of hot cocoa, exactly like how life should be<3

Alright. We’re going through them chapter-by-chapter again, exactly because I love seeing the titles so much:

ACT 1

Cracked Visor, Scorpion Grass

I did it! I did! Twas another shower thought I managed to get down in time. Bare broken sentences, but they did the impossible, and arranged this chapter into a structure I adore to bits and won't ever change. (And 'quiv's naughty voice left me alone for once and I could write it properly!) While I don't think I'll ever be happy with a first chapter (not as a concept, but the writing — part of me will always wish that the reader just had all the information already lol), this one is in the right place.

It pays its respects to the story of the broken helmet at the foot of a spaceship, and how it reconnects Madigan with all the people who'd suffered from being tethered to the planets when they yearned to fly, but the Beast punished them cruelly for it. It makes him feel phantoms of their efforts. The tone is exactly what I needed this story to start from: melancholy and numbly hopeless, against the backdrop of the Beasts's echoed cries.

Rain Through the Universe

Unlike 'quiv, because RoaN and AoS are way more plot-heavy, it's not as easy to change things willy-nilly (whereas 'quiv was all about character bonds and dynamics). As such, it's very similar to draft 1. Because of that, I'll frankendraft next (select and combine drafts 1 and 2, rewrite to connect them) and afterwards I'll try something I've always wanted to. (Scrivener keeps hinting at it!) I'm gonna split the chapters into scenes, and focus on those individually and how I can just rewrite them and set their purpose in stone<3 I'm excited!

As for the chapter itself, gods, I love the atmosphere. Just the wreckage of a sundered ship, and Madigan’s sudden madman appearance making a lasting impression on Spica, because how could it not. They no longer answer distress calls in that age, it just means more dead bodies. In fact, they're forbidden to. Madigan instead brings him what he himself lacks: hope. And a lot of crawling around while dreading the Beast's lambent eye opening, and oh my, the moments are really flying by😈👏 extreme fun for me as the writer.

Aberration of Light

If you remember, the books follow two timelines, which will connect at some point. The first and main one is Madigan and Spica’s story. The other is Holloway’s, in the distant past of that universe, and who’s been dubbed the most selfish man in existence. That’s important, because of how the Beast came to be. But that becomes important later. For now, a weird-ass new recruit has joined the ship, and the witchy crew will very soon start making bets if she’s the Beast in human flesh, which really wouldn’t bode well for their future.

Night Falls On Their Reflection

Draft 2 became Spica’s draft. It was high time. He didn't exist in the original idea beyond chapter 2, but he refused to die with his story untold. And now he's one of the most independent thinkers I've ever written. Now he's Madigan's son (yes, even at 25), best friend, back-to-back partner all in one, and I could watch the trust and mutual respect between these two forever. To be sure: Madigan comes up with the dumbass plans, and Spica's only too happy to follow him through everything (it is good fun.)

He's repaying the incredible kindness Madigan's shown him when answering his distress call, after all.

But it goes a bit further than that, doesn't it? Madigan is used to watching over myriad people. He's the Superintendent of his planet, and while he genuinely loves people, kindness is his default. It doesn't go further than that for him. He doesn't necessarily think people need, much less desire his presence there beyond Madigan extending help, and most of the time, he's content with that. Kindness does make him happy. And it should be the same with Spica now, shouldn't it? He's kind, but he's not Spica's family, nor ever will be. Yet he immediately feels a connection with the boy, that has nothing to do with bonding over escaping-a-cosmic-disaster. And so does Spica.

This is the moment when Madigan starts feeling guilty, for stepping where he should not. But here's the beauty of Spica's character: he's nothing if not dead sure of his own feelings, and what he sees with his eyes. It's okay if Madigan keeps unexpectedly taking steps back. For very long, there'd been nobody to support Spica's beliefs. So he does the same, as when he followed his heart to go into dead space: he believes in himself and Madigan, and that their paths aren't meant to diverge. They mean too much to each other for that to ever happen.

(In short, and legend says you can still hear me screeching about these two ten thousand years later, I love these two so much, and especially the parallels between Spica going alone into outer space and loving Madigan.)

(And, okay, obviously all these developments don't happen in a single chapter, but I couldn't stop gushing🤭🥰.)

Who Puts These Tombs in Ice

Overall, I think draft 2’s Luitgart performed worse than draft 1. Mainly it's the setting I want to revert (still an icy, sempiternally dark hell, but with different ice constructions) because some of the beats are a huge improvement, and again, I gotta combine the two. Otherwise, I’m still as obsessed about the Luitgart arc as I’ve ever been, and huge thanks to it for being so strong it could function as an ending of its own, allowing me to split the book.

Gettin’ into spoilery territory, but I have to un-kill Madigan so many times it leaves me in hysterics. That was what I was supposed to fix this draft. It got worse. Considerably.

(One constant: the chapter being a love letter to Madigan, and how his first answer will always be to help the other, no matter if they deserve it or not<3 and finally, finally, he gets acknowledged for it, and the favor returned.)

ACT 2

Lemon-Dotted Days + Remnant

Two Holloway chapters! I’m actually massively pleased with how they’ve turned out. Last year, I said the main issue was that I had an outline, and that never works for me. So I did what I do best and rewrote everything from scratch, and the result is both uncanny and… unexpected.

Unexpected, because I never in my life thought Holloway’s voice would make me laugh so much. He’s supposed to be unsympathetic, but then you get his interactions with Saintlark (the new crewmate, possibly Beast) where they’re contemplating the harvest of a nebula, and he’s harshly critical of it, which gives Saintlark hope… only to go deadpan One Moment Later: if they’d used the nebula to prolong their lives instead of bolstering the war, they wouldn’t have died like clown idiots. 

And, they could’ve maybe stolen immortality from the nebula. They would've had to share it with him, of course. Or he would've murdered them to get it.

That, my guys, is his personality in a nutshell.

I have a lot of feelings on Holloway now, and most involve me huffing and slapping my forehead while groaning, but oh my gods. Was it ever so fun. And wait, wait, wait. Since I'm talking of humor (apparently a lot of comedy fit into this horror lmfao) I have to show you guys the following section🤣🤣👏:

Corpse Snow

The drifters are set howling on the ice. They share glances, five separate vehicles nodding at each other. Madigan revs up the engine, splitting the air with a jet of steam and vibration.

The last of the marines are climbing into the box. A figure flashes past Madigan’s drifter — and he leans over, teeth grinding because of his ribs, and he does his very best to grab someone by the back of their suit and pull. Workout days were never his strength, though. He only succeeds in stopping them in the frost smoke.

It’s Spica dangling from his hand, expressionless.

Lieutenant Hahn instantly seizes on the situation. He throws Madigan a long, withering look. “Whatcha doing, Boss?” he asks softly, about to unhinge his jaw again.

Madigan nudges Spica into the drifter. “Picking up your boy.”

Spica gets the hint and deposits himself into the front seat, glancing from his father to his Superintendent. He seems to give up on whatever’s going on, and makes himself cozy in the frosty spot. And Madigan, of course, pretends not to notice Hahn’s drifter sliding closer.

“And you didn’t consider I might want to have my son with me?”

Madigan looks up and sighs. “Lieutenant, dear Lieutenant,” he starts pleadingly. “Why won’t you show some leniency to a poor, wounded man?”

Hahn’s drifter stops, summoning a breeze across the icy floor that gently rocks the other vehicle. His breathing distorts the comms with static. “And what exactly is my son right now?”

“My trusty navigator,” Madigan answers easily.

“Sir’s emotional walking stick?” Spica pipes in at the same time.

They both look over. Spica’s quietly turned to the navigation, as serene as daylight, seemingly oblivious to how Madigan's expression changes, lightning-fast. He quickly hides it under the guise of a polite mask, as the marines stir and turn their attention on them. They’re snickering.

Lieutenant Hahn throws up his hands, giving up on everything.

This is also the first 30k chapter I’ve ever written. It's everything I've ever wanted to do with ice.

Heart of the Void

The end of the book. Originally, it was the ending section to Corpse Snow, but since it already got so ungodly long, I chipped off that bit and I have to say I’m very happy with how it works as an epilogue! So it ends the frosty, weary journey, and I can’t see the two books as separate yet, but here we bid goodbye to the first.

Aberration of Sunlight♧♧♧

I did the unthinkable and created a fifth arc. This might not seem like much to you, but I was screaming bloody murder you guys😭😭😭. Sigh. It’s so sigh. For so long, AoS consisted of four clear-cut acts, but it was necessary. With the introduction of Sycamine, and making it two books, it was just needed. It’s still one of the worst things I’ve ever done because I was used to four😃💔

(The chapters continue from where RoaN left off – from chapter 10, to 21.)

ACT 3

Retro Spectrum

Sycamine, oh Sycamine. Definitely the break I needed before Days in Darkness. It made for a really neat beginning. It’s calmer, focusing on the knowledge they have on the Beast. It’s also a reflection on Procyon (their main star) and the story of the two straggler dog constellations, and what they'd been running away from. I liked the direction it took. It veered away from the Beast for a bit, so the tension kept expanding in the background. And when it returns, well... maybe they shouldn't have been so eager to see it again🤭.

It suffers from the same syndrome as draft 1’s first chapter… it’s there in the vicinity of the idea, but too much to the left. Not bad for a first attempt. The setting annoys me – I really don't enjoy writing cities, and AoS didn't change that. So, for our next try, I was thinking... maybe we don't need to be on the planet, but up close and veeery personal with it. It's a secret❤.

And, oh gods. I put a moustache-twirling villain in this. And then I couldn’t stop myself from naming some sucker Sweetman Calories. I don’t know what happened to me during those days, but I’m crying🤣🤣🤣.

Toast to the Light

Holloway and Saintlark’s story is slowly coming to an end. Unexpectedly bleaker than draft 1, yet it feels much more sincere. Holloway has a way of saying everything Saintlark needs to hear. No surprise. They did that to themselves.

Dissonant Recognition

Ahhhh, the Madigan-is-slowly-losing-his-grip-on-reality chapter, or maybe he should really stop staring into the suns. One of my favorites<3 Also because it features Moren (!!!) who has a blast staying in the grey morality area, because she doesn’t know if her actions could ever matter, or if she could change anything. Does she just exist? Is she a player or just pawn? Who knows. Besides that, she gets along great with Spica. They form such a teasing duo, the level of mutual respect they felt for each other on sight was a delight to write. My favorite ally of theirs, even if her destiny lies elsewhere.

Night Beneath the Elevator

Best title hands down, dethroning Solgesis. I’m going batshit crazy about the visuals, it's exactly my thing. This half-light slanted over an elevator waiting in a rundown basement to be boarded. And there's something underneath it, and always has been. Something insidiously creeping up and waving its tendril fingers at you as you're just waiting for the fucking thing to ascend. Immaculate, guys, I'm telling you, and I'm cursing my hands because I can't make a wallpaper of this. I want to eat that atmosphere.

Time-sensitive missions, y'all.

And why the heck did nobody inform me I was going to add Command as an actual character and have them talk with Madigan?! That entire convo, made up entirely on the spot but somehow with a direction, made me realize what an idiot I’d been for not doing it sooner. They mean so much to Madigan, after all.

(And Mariya. So much Mariya in these chapters.)

ACT 4

Loop System

Like Who Puts These Tombs in Ice, draft 1 might’ve done it better. Not Spica and Madigan, though, because of the sheer development Spica’s been through and the dynamic he’s managed to form with the crew. It's different from Madigan’s, but similar enough that it’s got Hahn commenting lightly: [Spica’s] picked up quite a few habits from Madigan, hasn’t he? Almost as if they’ve gotten very very close, huh? How about Madigan tell him more?

(I adore writing Hahn.)

Outreach

Another Holloway chapter. Doesn’t have the punch of the kids subplot from draft 1, but this just makes it worse for Saintlark personally, because, this time, the consequences are on her.

Days in Darkness

I knew the moment I first got the idea this would be my favorite chapter. Well, it finally happened in draft 2: when the entire crew is here, this time, and ready for the final countdown, to relive the experience of being trapped in a ship that's disintegrating. No more heroes left behind. I'd been so tired writing this chapter in draft 1, but this time around it was incredible. Everything went up sharply from here, both in terms of events and how on fire I was.

(Maybe less than the gorgon, but I was.)

ACT 5

Echo Terminal

The first of the two log chapters.

I've never written smoother, more visual chapters than in this period. Days in Darkness changed me so much, I was writing day and night by this point and couldn't get enough. Well, I hit my limit in the second half of the very last chapter, but I am beyond satisfied. Even the Beast's metamorphosis took me by storm, because I'd been wondering what the final verbs, the final images, the final design for it was going to be. I didn't expect it to come to me this early, and with such thrill. Those were my very best days of the year, and I toast to them.

(And I knew it was going to be fantastic when Halo's Warthog Run OST started blaring in my head, with as much adrenaline.)

Where, Now? + Solgesis

My beloved. The second and last of the two log chapters, but it’s Noelle Saintlark’s log.

Holloway’s timeline ends here. Or maybe it just gets carried into the future. I thought I’d want to rewrite his parts again, make the plot just a tiny bit more psychedelic and nonsensical because it’s so close to the Beast… but Solgesis put all my fears to rest. Even the formatting and layout is a bit of that special thing I’ve always wanted to try, and it really changes the perspective of the previous chapters. There's a new confession that stands at the heart of Holloway's stories.

Honestly, the only thing that needs urgent working on is the anger at the end of the chapter.

Anger is so hard for me to write sometimes. Not because I don’t connect with it, but because I feel self-conscious writing it. The wildest I felt it was when I tackled 'quiv's chapter 3 and Imera's Turning speech, both in quick succession (before I'd even written draft 1. I'd been taking notes.) Since then... I just thing back to how keenly I'd felt that anger, and I kind of intimidate myself out of it. Kind of like a natural resistence, I quench it from myself. Which is actually hilarious when you think about it. It’s like I’m going I BANISH THEE FROM MY BRAIN because generally, as a person, I dislike feeling and operating on anger. But no worries. I’m going to find a way around it.

Watch me😎.

What Goes Around…

(Now it’s the time for me to start crying some rivers, and, alright, it won’t be visible so I’ll say it: the chapter titles are holding a conversation, guys. They speak to each other. And sometimes it’s both sides of the same coin, like how What Goes Around (comes around) hints here. If you take two chapters, one from the beginning and one from the end (for example 1 and 21) it'll tell you a little secret. Okay, What Goes Around and Rain Through the Universe communicate through their plot, which I can’t spoil but of course it has to do with Madigan and Spica and how they first meet… but there is one title pair that does it best visibly. 

Lemon-Dotted Days and Days in Darkness.

And I hadn’t even planned this. All the parallels I wanted to draw… I feel like they built themselves, guys. They really did, and it makes me so wildly happy I don’t even know how to stop my hands from flailing.

And, with them being 21 chapters, they meet in the middle, on the one unpaired chapter.

Called Toast to the Light.

I friggin’ love everything.

New Sunrise, Forget-Me-Right

Of course, Forget-Me-Right is a play on Scorpion Grass. But it’s also such a gentle name for the chapter, because everything ends here. Lying on their backs, staring out into the universe, and it really, really is over. Just a dark horizon on which stars flare and bloom. And suddenly, that maddened rush to make every sacrifice count, to remember every soul they’ve encountered because the legend says the Beast absorbs you when it kills you – all that suffocating pressure dissipates. Lightness remains. Because they’ve protected each other.

For the first time in my writing journey, blood rushed to my head with such emotion I had to stop writing, which never happens. I had to look up and exclaim, holy fuck. But how could I not, considering how the story ends for the Beast? I am speechless. A lot of gorgeous surprises this draft.

Conclusion□●□

Whew, what a year it's been! As for how 2024 will probably look like, though I don't like making plans: finishing the beta stage for 'quiv, and tackling RoaN and AoS's draft 3. Thaaaat one I'm actually starting on Christmas, when I can (finally!!) reread draft 2 with my mug of hot cocoa (or maybe mulled wine for a change) and, no surprises here, I'm hyper stoked for that<3 <3 <3 I legit can't wait to see where the new draft brings them. I might not have set any expectations for them, but they're vying to keep up with 'quiv and I adore it🤭❤

As for my lovely friends... well, you know by how I spam your tags how much I adore you and wish you happiness forever🤩🥺🥳 I don't know what my activity will look like in the near future, so for now I won't be saying anything, and my semi-hiatus continues. Semi, because you're unforgettable and I crave to see what everyone's been up to and (!!!!) what you've written!

So let's meet in 2024 again, and all the best wishes to you, the reader🥰🥂❤.

[purrincess-chat]

For the writers truth or dare ask: 🌿❄️🍄

Give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

So, this is something I've actually been dealing with a lot over the past year. Some of it is out of my control, but the other side is just a general lack of motivation. Here are a few tips I've found that are helpful for me:

First, identify where your block is coming from. Is it because a scene isn't working and you don't know how to fix it? Is it because you don't know what to do next in the story? Is something else in your life stressing you out? Do you suffer from a mental illness that may be making you feel disconnected? Once you recognize what kind of block you're facing, you can find ways to overcome it.

The way you handle your block is going to depend on what kind of block it is. For me, I've been dealing with a lot of outside stress in my personal life that doesn't usually leave me with much mental energy to devote to writing or even some of my other hobbies. In cases like that, I've found it's best to be patient and kind to yourself. I've been working on managing my stress and taking breaks to fight the burn out. If this is the case for you, I can tell you it's sadly a slow process depending on your circumstances. Be kind to yourself, write when you can, and don't beat yourself up if you are struggling, it will only make it worse. Try to rebuild a habit of writing. Maybe set aside a certain time every day or every other day to write, even if you can only manage a few words. Building a habit will help you get back into the swing of things. If your daily life is too hectic to allow for that, then put the writing down and take care of your business. Sometimes things are just more important than writing, and you shouldn't feel guilty for putting aside a hobby. Life is hard. You'll get there.

If your struggle comes from being stuck on a particular scene, I have a couple of remedies that usually work for me. One way is to skip ahead and bridge the gap later, so for me if a conversation between characters isn't going how I want, or what happens more to me is filling in exposition between conversations, I might skip ahead to the next portion of the scene or chapter that I can clearly picture in my head and work on that for a while. Often times I find when I go back to bridge the two sections later, it's a lot easier seeing where exactly I need to end up, and I can usually fix the problem with a sentence or two that was previously tripping me up. The second option that I also sometimes run into is if I follow a particular thread and find out it's a dead end or just not flowing how I want, I might cut a chunk of the most recent bits I've written. Sometimes I delete it, other times I just cut it and paste it either further down on the same doc or by itself onto a blank doc. That way if I decide I want to keep it or add it back later, it's not totally gone, but sometimes going back and rewriting a particular bit that isn't quite working how I want gives me a fresh start to try something else. Writing sometimes is throwing things at a wall until something sticks. It's okay to delete something you've already written or cut it. In fact, oftentimes it's needed. It can be frustrating when you realize something you've spent a lot of time on just isn't working, and you have to cut it, but in the end, if it will fix the issue, it's unfortunately time to swallow your pride and just cut it.

On the other hand, if your block is coming from just not knowing what to do next in the story, I have a few options to re-spark inspiration. First, I recommend rereading over what you've written. Get a sense for what you already have on the page or in your notes. Next, revisit the source material you're writing from if you're writing fic. Sometimes I find that putting myself back into that world helps me put myself back into the characters heads, and sometimes getting a renewed sense for who the characters are and what drives them can help me figure out how they would react in a given situation or what choices they might make. Third, ask yourself what your end goal is, then work on figuring out what you need to get your characters or plot there. I know a lot of people don't like outlining, but if you find yourself running into this issue a lot, it might be worthwhile to figure out a system that works for you. I utilize a number of different kinds of outlines when I write. I usually start with a bare bones outline and summarize each chapter in a sentence or two. What is the main focus of each chapter? After that I work on a more detailed outline and fill in the blanks, focusing on what I want for each character throughout the story. What challenges will they face, what lessons do they need to learn, what flaws are they going to overcome, and how are they going to grow? Once I know that, I work on putting them in situations that will accomplish that. Sometimes, when you're making things up as you go with no real plan, it can be easy to write yourself into a corner. Planning a little bit ahead of time can help you see where you're going and hopefully avoid pitfalls. If you've already fallen into a pitfall, I'd recommend advice I gave earlier and go back to the point where things went wrong and cut the parts that aren't working and try a new approach. Writing takes patience, and you don't always get it right the first time. That's perfectly fine, just keep trying.

Some other remedies that work for me are taking time to clear my mind and refocus on the story I'm telling. I may go for a walk, or clean my room, or listen to a song that reminds me of the characters/story. I'm not the best example of it, but also sometimes reading other people's work (professional or otherwise) can spark inspiration, or studying the way they tell their story can help you figure out how to tell your story. Also, keep in mind that you're not going to crank out 3k every single day. Sometimes all you can manage is 500 words or even one sentence. That's fine. Every day is different. Just keep going. It's difficult to give a blanket piece of advice because everyone suffers differently. Hopefully any of this advice was helpful 😅

What's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

Ooo, so it depends. I have a lot of ideas all the time, and I love all of them in different ways for different reasons. I've been dipping my toes into the LoZ fandom lately, particularly the botw/totk side. I've been working on a Zelink fic that picks up right after botw ends and bridges the gap between botw and totk following how they began recovering from the calamity, so right now that is my dream fic, I suppose. I've also been working on my secret project for ML that I'm not quite ready to reveal yet, but it's another Adrinette centric story (surprise, surprise, Cat) where the reveal has happened and they're together, but things aren't as wonderful as they'd hoped. As for who will write them, ehhh me 😅 all of my ideas are things that I would write. But typically if I post about something publicly like in one of my brain dump posts, I don't mind if other people get inspired by the idea and want to write it. 🤷‍♀️

Share a head canon for one of your favorite ships/pairings

I'll give two because my brain lately is oscillating between love square and Zelink.

For the love square, I headcanon that Adrien would be the dad that wants to take his kids to do everything that he couldn't do as a kid, and Marinette has to reel them back in bc I don't care if it's fun for you, you can't take our five year old skydiving. Let's just go to Disneyland 🤦‍♀️

For Zelink, I headcanon that post botw, pre totk when Zelda is a teacher at the school in Hateno, that Link often brings her a picnic lunch, and they sit outside under a tree in the school yard and eat his cooking while talking about their day. I also hc that Zelda would absolutely rope him into teaching PE to the kids.

[citadelofswords]

Hi! For the fic game ask; 18, 19, 26

18. How many WIPs do you have and how many do you expect to finish?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man. okay. i haven't counted in a long, LONG time. let me actually go count them.

okay right now, of the stuff that i WANT to finish, which is ONLY me counting fanfiction and not ORIGINAL WORK (please don't ask me to count the original work), then... ten? ten seems right. some of these are WIPs i haven't touched in literal years. some are basically done, and just not published. i'm actively working on one right now, and the second is a like, side project thing, but i haven't had the time to sink into the research i need to do to make it like, good. so. sorry riley that au is gonna be sitting around for a minute.

19. How do you get over writer's block?

these days i literally just ride it out. i figured out about a year ago that my writer's block typically isn't actually writer's block, but burnout. so i tend to take some time to read books, watch movies, play video games, talk to some of my writer friends and read the shit they're working on-- tabletop games help jumpstart my brain tbf. just cool off my brain for a bit, try again later.

if it's an immediate "i'm stuck and i don't know what to do now," the "your problem is ten sentences back" trick works about 95 percent of the time.

26. Do you ever "prep" your fics with outlines or warmups before you start writing, or do you just dive right in?

stares dead-eyed at my documents. no. literally never.

long answer under the readmore. you can skip this if you want, it's just me talking about my process, because it's actually fairly consistent for the longer fic i've written.

let's take the cassmako fake dating au as an example here real quick, bc i think it exemplifies the way i work when i write longer fic (which is pretty rare for me). i basically start with a single scene idea, which is kind of wherever my brain takes me first. iirc with that fic it was the opening scene, which is rare, but i had that craigslist ad as a prompt so there you go. i spend some time bouncing around wherever my brain takes me for a while. after a certain point i have a good enough idea of the rough outline of the story that i THEN add in, usually single sentence prompts of i need to make sure happens. for that fic, it was like. friday night. saturday morning, saturday day, saturday dinner, and so on.

only recently (literally starting with the hinamizawa timeloop au) have i started doing full rewrites once i have the basic shape of a fic down, to ensure i'm maintaining continuity. i've reread the fake dating au and with all your heart since i've written them and they mostly hold up okay without having done a rewrite (with all your heart is also a weird case since i wrote that one mostly linearly anyway, which is VERY rare for me). i WISH i had thought to do it for the (now very old) steve/bucky pacific rim au i wrote back in the mid 2010s, because i'm SURE i left plotholes in that bad boy i could have tightened up on a second pass and i am a POOR editor lol.

but yeah. that's my deal. i'm literally in a rewrite loop for a longfic right now while one of my friends has done a complete outline for a fic she's working on (hi mab) so it's been on my mind.

[nobodywritingao3]

sorting through my writing problems

just for my own sake

how to be a human being au. originally was going to publish a sequel where tubbo and ranboo are introduced & more among us lore is revealed but i cant see an ending at all and i dont think id finish a sequel id start. additionally i wanted to rewrite a few of the chapters to include vore but im not sure it would be worth it. i think ill finish how to be a human being & set it down (for a while or permanently). if i want to write among us vore then ill just start a fresh au & make either wilbur or technoblade the impostor lmao

allies or enemies (how to be a human being rewrite). i reread it recently and kind of hated it. i feel obligated to finish it but i dont want to write out of obligation. ill probably put it on indefinite hiatus and then anonymize it so i have to look at it

lady lie. kind of a mess. i saw a scene in my head where 3/4 sbi minus tommy were the heroes and they found out that he was the top villain. and they try to parent him out of that but it doesnt really work. i saw a dramatic climax where tommy realizes who they are while theyre on the battlefield & he double crosses the villains and completely annihilates them. sbi would have to make peace with the fact that tommy is the most powerful one & it's only because he likes them that the villain empire has been shut down. i dont think ill finish it. probably put on indefinite hiatus and anonymize

im not angry anymore. ohhhh same problem as lady lie. i enjoy the [techno and wilbur leave for college and then tommy grows up bitter and they come back and hes v impressive and kind of hates them and theres angst] plot but i dont have anything special to add. i think id honestly rather ghostwrite what someone else makes in regards to that trope. indefinite hiatus and anonymized

cold love. im throwing up and screaming. im a little insane about cold love. the plot i saw for that was quackity, wilbur's friend from the village, being revealed as a dragon. he'd explain all the dragon stuff to sbi & sedate wilbur so he's brought out of his instincts. and then wilbur would wake up after a week and be a total mess because they know what his secret is & he feels guilty for all the havoc he wreaked while temporarily insane. id just ruin his life for a little bit. problem is that i dont have a solution to the angst and id probably finish the story with wilbur being a sad sack who thinks his family hates him. no ending. just angst. idk what to do about cold love.

very good bad thing. same thing. i just wanted the angst, i didnt want a real ending. i play around with very good bad thing as a warm up these days. i dont see a real direction to take it in.

your love. i think im as passionate about your love as i am with how to be a human being. i could see this story going very long form & i see different branches i could take it in. i want to finish this story but i have to admit that im kind of scared of it. i dont want to get overwhelmed or lose interest and never finish it because i think its a special story & it really freaks me out that i wont do it justice

shameful company. this doesnt feel like a story im making up, it feels more like a story im transcribing. i know exactly how it goes and i know exactly what happens to all the characters and how it ends. writing shameful company is more about actually writing it than it is about creating the plot and figuring out what happens. its a really long story and that kind of overwhelms me but i know what the story is so i really just have to put in the effort of doing it justice. i care about telling this story right

little soldiers. oohhhhhhhh little soliders. i need to revamp little soldiers. i had a plan in my head and i feel obligated to follow the plan but the planned story isnt as fun as it would be if i just wrote which parts feel natural. im afraid of little soldiers. this one needs a lot of work. i might start using google docs just to deal with little soldiers. little soldiers is a google docs level problem.

finish how to be a human being euthanize allies or enemies, lady lie, im not angry anymore use cold love and very good bad thing as warm up writing because i like the angst and dont care about the ending your love is my little pet project finish shameful company and jam pack it full of vore because im no longer self conscious about writing that trope give little soldiers as much as i can and if that fails, just humanely euthanize it

after ive made plans for all my current writing i can take a look at the insane backlog of story ideas i have & write my horrible vore in my horrible little vore corner

[sayakxmi]

Bro, don’t worry about it & don’t force yourself. If you’ve got time & energy, awesome, but if not I won’t be mad or anything.

And it’s cool, I know this can get tiring after some time, so I propose that after this answer we’re putting a close to this particular discussion (unless you really feel the need to add something, then by all means). There’s other shit to talk about independently, lol.

Side-note: did you know there's a keyboard shortcut to publishing a post? I've just found out XDDD

Agreed on the concepts & side characters. Really wish they got more attention.

I mean, I like time travel a lot, so the premise does it for me, but I 100% agree on the execution being far from great. All of this, really. I'm pretty sure I ranted about El Dorado in some author's notes, too. Or comment. Idk. I definitely ranted. [Yeah, the rant is here] Like, bro, they've been tormenting these kids for hell-if-i-know-how-long, then they have the audacity to ask them to cooperate, and GOUENJI AND KIDOU FUCKING SUPPORT THAT, but I think the final nail in the coffin for me was the fact that Shindou, of all fucking people, was doing his absolute damnest to make things work, where the people who did jack shit to deserve a guarter of this enormous act of benevolence and were the ones to acually benefit from his help - all they were doing was make things difficult for him. If I were Shindou, I would've just been like alright fuck you then (leaves the match like Fei).

And don't even get me started on the fact that Feida, for all the destruction, are infinitely more sympathetic than El Dorado could ever dream to be. Like, I'm sorry, your system is so oppressive it turned children into terrorists, and your answer to the problem is... mmm, let's erase them from existence. Yeah, sure, let's perpetuate the status quo that led you to this situation. And the fucking vaccine thing. Right, it's the SSC who are the problem, and not the system, of course. (sarcasm) Ugh.

Side note, yaeh, I think watching a dude die should've left a bigger impact, but the only person who kinda refers to it at some point is Tsurugi himself, who wasn't even there at the time.

(I think I enjoyed CS more in the past, but a side-effect of rewriting something is that you have to kinda recognize where the issues are, and that makes you all the more attentive to these, eh.)

Yeaah. I could believe it being one-sided for trust issues reasons, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Admittedly, I'm not sure if Fei's trust issues are something I wrote for him or were they in the actual show. As I've said, haven't finished the rewatch, but I had to reread my stuff to remember how I wrote it, so it's way more fresh in my memory.

YEAH. Also, man what a fantastic point to all of this. Because, really, Kinako did trust Asurei rather easily, what a mess. Tbf I can probably chalk it up, at least a bit, to her times being a bit... Well, wars don't break out overnight, no matter what it might seem in books or media. Especially considering many of the SSC we see seem... nice. Outside of the Feida business, that is. Giris and Meia are dumbasses in love, Fei is a nice kid, SARU is somebody who just wants everybody to get along. I can't imagine them just deciding one day Imma fuck up the world. Hell, we knows from Fei that he was abandoned for being an SSC. The system of the new world was one that marginalized and abused them, and it was the matter of time before somebody as ambitious and powerful as SARU would appear - assuming there were no others. Anyway, the point I'm making is that Kinako was living in very interesting times. The raising tensions, the shadow of a war, all that jazz. I can imagine that even if she didn't believe Asurei, the situation could've been so exhausting for a child that she was, that she would've gone for, if nothing else, to catch a break from it all. Bonus, I can absolutely see Kinako not being against SSC, which would've alienated her further.

ASDFGHJK, rip Wandaba. Imma be honest - I don't remember how I feel about canon Wandaba. I don't think I care all that much. I love him in SIYH, he's a standin adult when there's none, but in canon I just have no memory of the guy. He's there to point the gun at people and not be the coach like ever, I guess.

Also, for the record, this time I was not shamelessly self-promoting myself. Like, in this entire answer here. I'm mostly referring to SIYH because it influences my perception of things and characters, and I have a much better memory of it than canon. Basically, I might be biased, and I'm giving you a heads up that I might be biased XD

Yeaaaa. To be fair, I do think the time of the reveal is good BUT it required more build up to it, yknow? More hinting stuff. Fuck, have Fei be distrustful of adults, for example. Some occassional vague flashback/reference to something. Instead in CS it feels a little random.

Man, I didn't even rememberd that, lol. Torb could've been such a fucking interesting character if they tried - if not for himself, then for others. He's a kid that accidentally got yeeted into the past & raised by dinosaurs, and, like, he gets a chance to see his parents? He doesn't do it, and I'd say it could be a good representation for adopted kids - they don't have to see their birth parents if they don't want to, and Torb feels comfortable as Touchan's son - but I can't not feel bad for the parents, when it was stated to be an accident. They didn't want their child to randomly disappears. They probably mourned him. At the very least, I would've loved for Torb to give it more thought, especially given the theme of family in CS. Idk, could be interesting to have Kinako and Fei disagree for example - Kinako tries to encourage Torb to at least see them, while Fei's like if he doesn't want to, he doesn't, if they lost their kid, it's on them, should've been more careful. Maybe have Tsurugi get involved, too, since family is a huge theme for him as well, and CS is the arc he supposedly matures into the character he is in Galaxy, so that could connect it nicely. Hell, have KARIYA be invoved, as the token orphan of the group. Otonashi. Kidou. Fuck, Gouenji would work, too. FUCK maybe Torb's parents were scientists at El Dorado, an accident happened, and they pleaded with their supervisors for help, but were refused. BOOM now Torb could have motivation to join Raimon. Ok, I'm AU-ing here, so I'll stop.

I have a soft spot for the Omega Trio. Alpha being my fave, he's great. Also, consider this: Omega Trio as parallels to Gryphon Trio. It's more with my AU characterizations of them, but, eh, I wanted to share. Alpha-Tenma, Beta-Tsurugi and Gamma-Shindou. I won't elaborate cuz spoilers, except for Tsurugi & Beta - they're easy, cuz they're their respective trio's powerhouses.

Yeaa, so I rememberd it correctly. Nobody but Kariya noticing really feels like It happens for plot reasons, and not because it fits the characters. I mean, I do think it's awesome that Kariya does, but the fact that nobdoy else...

Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy, I am so writing that one down :eyes: Like I defeinitely had plans regarding Kirino and Shindou's relationship, but that convo is just perfect.

Same from me, good afternoon XD

still thinking about them. they're both wearing green sob

i love this scene so bad, kirino walks up to this nobleman with no fear, tells him like it is and when kinako sees it she jumps in to support him, letting him do the main talking and have his moment while she gets to taunt the guy (and use her upperclassman as a shield skshfhfkjs). her support of kirino during this arc was SO sweet. she liked jeanne too, she connected with her as well but she saw that as much as she wanted to miximax with her, it was not something she needed. but kirino did, so she selflessly decided to help him achieve that :( screaming crying throwing up

truly the duo of all time, if chrono stone bothered to give them more moments together

[quirkwizard]

Vigilante Pursuit: Looking at the Villain Hunt Arc

So for anyone who has followed my blog for any period of time, you know that I dislike the Stars and Stripes arc. However, that isn't the only arc that I take issue with. When I was first reading this arc, I had my issues with it, but I did my best to try and move past them. Unfortunately, my opinion of it has only soured as time has gone on and I have had more time to reread and process everything that happened in it. That being the Villain Hunt Arc.

Yes, I know its official title is the Dark Hero Arc, but that name is dumb, so I'm sticking with the Villain Hunt Arc. To be pretty clear, I don't hate this arc, and I still think that there are some good qualities to it. The fight with Lady Nagant is a dramatic challenge to Izuku's perception of heroes, the confrontation between All Might and Stain was a strong beat for their characters, and the Uraraka's speech is one of the highlights of the later arcs of the series. It is not without its problems, and I do feel a lot of frustration with those problems. So, after reaching nine thousand posts, I thought I would reflect on them and try to figure out how to fix this arc.

Unlike the Star and Stripes Arc though, the problems aren't exactly fundamental to the arc itself, more that there are issues in execution. Even then, it's more of one consistent problem throughout the arc and a few other bits with how things play out. So a lot of this will be more of the rewrite than me simply complaining about it. For the sake of this, I'm going to try to stick to as much of the canon structure and this arc as possible with the rewrites. I may have a lot of issues with Izuku's power progression, which is probably the worst in this arc, but such a thing would require changing whole other arcs or making new ones. And when I am writing this, the most recent Chapter 387. So if anything happens to counter my points, know that it hasn't happened yet.

Just Watch Us

Whenever I think back on this arc, I always think about the lack of character moments that weren't for the usual ensemble. The ones that stand out most to me are Hawks and Endeavor. I can understand why the characters would want to brush past that given their personalities and their circumstances, but it feels unsatisfying to not see them react to what happened to them or have the world change as a result. Endeavor says that he will keep pushing forward and tells people to watch him. Even though he has nothing to show for except his words after one of the worst debacles in hero history. And what he did has no real effect or reaction on anyone outside of the family. There isn't any pushback or reflection on Hawks either. Hawks murdered someone on live television, and the most we get is during the press conference. There's no time to think about Twice or the regret he has for killing. He's an optimist, after all.

And don't think that they are the only ones. So many of the students are barely given any time to process or talk about what happened to them. Mina and Kirsihima saw the brutalized corpse of their teacher. And we barely get anything on that. They just got out of a war, and all of them seem a bit bummed out. This is the worst day for most, if not all, of the characters involved. Why can't we see that tragedy and turmoil in them? This isn't only a thing with the war, either. Uraraka and Iida find out their best friend has lied to them for the better part of a year and has left them behind, with the two having no idea where Izuku is or what's happening to him. There isn't any time to reflect on how they're dealing with any of this. We simply have to assume that all this happened off screen in the month-long time jump, if it happened at all.

Near Miss

So when I said that I didn't dislike the Lady Nagant fight, there were a few asterixis next to it. I know it's a minor point, but it has constantly bothered me: why is Kai here? Now I understand why Kai is around. It's to set up everything with Lady Nagant and Izuku trying to save and help the villains, pairing him up with the most hateable villain that isn't part of the League of Villains. However, that doesn't explain why Kai is here from an in universe perspective. Lady Nagant seemingly brings him out of Tatarus on a whim. She says she wants to use him, but what use is a gibbering ex-convict with no arms? And when they get out, she wants him around to identify Izuku. Why on Earth would she need that? Are you telling me All For One didn't even give her any information on Izuku? Nothing like a photo or a basic description of her target?

My biggest issue with it is the introduction of "Fa Jin". Aside from the pacing issues of introducing so many of his new Quirks in such a short time span, "Fa Jin" is easily the worst of all the "One For All" Quirks. As an actual Quirk, it's fine. Nothing special, but has a unique gimmick. My problems lie in making it a Quirk for Izuku because it doesn't really add anything to his power set. It isn't an interesting expansion on Izuku's arsenal, basically doing exactly what "One For All" was doing before. It's obviously only there as a crutch to get Izuku to One Hundred Percent as fast as possible in the shortest amount of time. What's more is that it ruins the fun cat-and-mouse dynamic the fight had before. It's not something we've seen in the series before and would have given us a chance to see Izuku as the intelligent planner he's supposed to be. Instead, Izuku didn't win through some clever strategy, he won by making his number bigger.

Then there is how the fight ends. Lady Nagant blows up as a part of a cruel tactic by All For One. I understand what the story is going for, having all of Izuku's efforts destroyed to mentally break him, but there are some questions raised. Like how exactly did All For One use a Quirk that wasn't his? Why make it a Quirk he snuck onto her then? Why not simply be the effect of a Quirk he already had? How did Lady Nagant handle three Quirks when even two Quirks are considered extreme and potentially life-threatening? How was Lady Nagant not aware of this? Then following up with Izuku going to the mansion, which only results in All For One reinforcing what we already know and another egregious explosion fake out, just feels like such a limp and pointless way to end this entire segment. It's another symptom of All For One worming his way into every single plot as the big villain. You can't have a moment between a hero and villain without All For One twirling his IV tubes in the background.

How it All Stops

I know I have played up in the past how much I liked this moment. I did feel catharsis when Bakugou finally owned up to how awful he was to Izuku and apologized. But looking back at it with a critical eye, I'm finding a major problem with it: it's all about Bakugou. Don't get me wrong, this is supposed to be a big moment for Bakugou and how he's grown. But the other half of the equation is simply missing. There isn't accountability of what he did to Izuku. It's all justification about why he treated Izuku so poorly, only to then turn it over to how he has been acting in the past. There isn't any kind of acknowledgement or punishment for what he's done to Izuku. It comes across that Bakugou effectively Houdinied his way out of the actual consequences of his actions.

What's more is that there's nothing about how Izuku is processing this. Izuku, the guy who was hurt most by Bakugou's constant bullying and actions, doesn't say or think anything about this. Which is such a massive problem throughout the whole of the arc. There is so little time to give Izuku any moments to himself or thoughts on how he's feeling about everything. This should be a huge surge of emotions and the culmination of everything that's been building up with Izuku. But everything is more focused on the other characters, either through Izuku's own thoughts or writing focusing on them more. All that happens is that he collapses and apologizes to everyone else for insulting them. And this ends Rogue Izuku portion of the story. Did you enjoy the handful of chapters you got? I hope you did, because that is the end of that part of his character. One we barely got to actually see.

After all of that, there's barely anything following up on it. All the building emotions he had about himself and the arc over the years? Gone. A serious talk between Izuku and All Might about everything that has happened? Nothing. Any sort of real connection or follow-up with Uraraka and Iida? Not really. The most we get is simply in service of Toga and Uraraka's plot dozens of chapters later. There isn't anything personal about this arc that carries forward. As far as developing the characters, it may as well not have even happened. Bakugou still acts like a tool to Izuku, making it seem like he didn't really learn anything from all of this. We don't even get any proper follow-up with All Might. He apologizes to Izuku and then they move onto more plot beats. Which is so off the mark that it's downright insulting to both characters' stories. Take a bath and a nap, Izuku. It's clearly what you needed.

I know I keep harping on this part of it, but you need there to be a proper middle ground and payoff in order for the conclusion to feel satisfying. It feels like I'm watching a DVD with scratches on it, constantly skipping between major scenes, and the characters acting like they came to a conclusion without us seeing it. It's what attributed to a lot of rushed feeling for the last few arcs. While I always believed that these rapid plot points began back during the MLA War Arc, they have become so prevalent here. All the characters are being moved to their conclusion faster than the manga can handle in the number of chapters they are given. So a lot of them either feel forgotten in the sweep or have their characters and stories shorthanded to reach the end. Now, how would I fix all this?

Heroes of the Past

To start things off, Gran Torino will die in the hospital, potentially while talking to Izuku. I'm not one for suddenly killing off characters, but he really shouldn't have survived such a massive attack from Tomura and I think this would be a good point for him to bite it. More could be added from his death than from his life, especially if he's just going to sit in the hospital for the rest of the series. It would actually have Tomura kill someone that we know and care about, adding some more stakes and threat to this arc, but it would also start Izuku's spiral during this entire situation. From there, I would change the vestiges role as well for this arc. I would have them put more pressure on Izuku. He is there last shot at stopping All For One and they would try to push him more and more. Having the manifestations act as the voices of overwhelming responsibility would be a really interesting way to represent Izuku's thought process and the doubts he has. It's literally Izuku's power and the ghosts of the previous user wearing down on him.

With Hawks and Endeavor, I would certainly have them both interact on their own as characters away from the plot. Maybe Hawks could see some parallels between himself and Shoto as two young kids who were weapons for the sake of others because of their strong Quirks. Maybe Endeavor could talk about how much he had similar thoughts to Hawks, yet was always able to hold back in the end. You could give some more depth to their histories, like Hawk's life in the Hero Commission or who Endeavor was outside of hero work. And if nothing else, we need Endeavor's reaction to "One For All". The cornerstone of Endeavor's entire character was wanting to surpass All Might. After everything that happened over the past year for him, from becoming the Number One to finding out about Dabi, there should be something to him finding out just how truly futile that goal was this entire time. How much of his life was destroyed for less than nothing.

After that, there should be some external pushback and problems for them. Endeavor could be confronted by civilians and heroes, saying that they don't want to look at him and constantly throwing what Dabi did in his face. You could even have former heroes attack him, believing that someone like him does not deserve to be a hero and is simply a villain corrupting their role. Hawks could come across a scene where he finds a group of minor, but recognizable villains, like the Reservoir Dogs, all strung up on the streets. This could either be done by civilians or rogue heroes, finding Hawk's actions justifiable in killing villains, only exasperated by the extreme circumstances. How could those two possibly confront those circumstances? It'd give us some actual weight and consequence to their actions while fitting with the idea of how the actions of major heroes can trickle down into the rest of society.

vs Lady Nagant

This time around, Lady Nagant will bring Kai out of a sense of empathy for him given his condition, though she will hide it from All For One with the same excuse of thinking he'd be useful, which is technically true. Once she gets her mission, she will bring him along out of a need for information about Izuku. Not he knows what Izuku looks like, but because he knows about Izuku and how he fights. It could help explain why Lady Nagant is doing so well, aside from her simply being that good and give Kai more of a purpose. Instead of using "Fa Jin", just have Izuku uses the benefits of his other Quirks. Let him use his other powers and show off the benefits that "Black Whip", "Float", "Danger Sense", and "Smokescreen" provide for him. This provides a unique chance to have Izuku fight smarter and not harder.

And when the fight is over, don't make Lady Nagant the bomb. Make Overhaul the bomb. All For One could have attempted to take "Overhaul", but failed to do so since Kai's Quirk Factor is gone, which well say works that way for this rewrite, only to then sneak the bomb on him. Then you could have Lady Nagant make a move to save Izuku at the cost of herself. That still has the same kind of tragedy to it. The person he'd tried to save is dead or dying, depending on what Hori wants to do with him, and reigniting those heroic values in someone puts her in critical condition. Plus, I think if Hori wants to do any kind of redemption for Overhaul, people are going to want to see him suffer a little bit more for all the stuff he did to everyone in the Overhaul Arc. And skip All For One taunting Izuku, that simply wasn't needed.

After this fight, we are going to cut away from that part of the story. In order to get some breathing room for the rest of the characters, we need to push Izuku away from the spotlight for a little while. What's more is that gives the audience some tension and concern over what's happening with Izuku. Ideally, we start with Izuku and cut away once the Lady Nagant fight is over. It helps put us into Izuku's headspace some, focusing so much on everything that all the other characters feel so distant, only to cut back to them and feel the worry with them since we know how bad of a place Izuku is in. And could you imagine the reveal when we see Izuku and his monstrous vigilante look? Then, when that happens, we flashback to what Izuku has been doing before all of this happened. Plus, with UA, we could get a look at some of the other civilian reactions to what's been happening.

Back at UA

As for what this would be filled with, the first thing to come to mind would be Kirishima, Mina, and Momo. Look, I don't like how they handled Midnight's death. I think it was an incredibly cheap death, throwing a named character to the wolves to give the deaths on the hero's side some artificial weight without giving her any depth or connections outside of a side manga. But if you are going to kill her, at least do something with the characters it's supposed to affect. Have Mina bring up how much Midnight's classes meant to her, or have Momo think about some advice Midnight taught her. Sure, it's a retroactive fill-in for what should have been actual moments in the story, but it's better than nothing. Maybe let Aizawa come in and talk about her as well. Show us that the death of his friend and colleague of over a decade actually affected him and break down his walls some. Show us he is emotionally invested in someone other than Oboro, the Friendly Dust Cloud. You could even have it tie back into Aizawa's own experiences with Momo and how much they believe in her as a leader.

Then there are Iida and Uraraka. I swear, these two have been pushed so far to the back of the manga for what should be major supporting characters that it's insane. You could have Iida running around UA, trying to help everyone he can, wherever he can. It's all that Iida knows to do when he's stressed. It's all that's keeping him from trying to go against the school and looking for his friend. He needs to be here as the person who bears the name Ingenium, one of the oldest families in heroics, and the successor to his brother. Uraraka is helping as well, but clearly isn't as present. She keeps going back to everything with Toga and what she said. You could then have them both talk to each other, realizing how difficult it is to cope with all this, especially when their best friend is gone. It could play off the traits we know about them and set up stuff for later.

Finally, there is Bakugou. There is a lot that could be covered with him, though I do think that it would help a lot if he had a character to bounce off of. And while there could be a lot of characters to do that, I think that All Might would be the best option. Give the two another scene together, paralleling the one after the first fight between Izuku and Bakugou. With them together, they talk about what was going on with Bakugou and why he did what he did. It could do a lot to help build the bridge between everything that happened during the war and his apology to Deku. This could be where the card scene comes into play during Bakugou's death as well, or at least the set-up for it, like Bakugou holding the card in his hand before cutting away or him stifling his words. Once it's all done, All Might could be the one to spill the beans that they actually lost contact with Deku, prompting the class to want to go after him.

Viglinate Izuku

So with the Final War Arc, there are a lot of issues with society broguht up. Some of which are not as fleshed out as they could have been. Want to know what would help with that? Seeing it in action. We get a few montages of this, but I believe that it needs more time to convey how bad things have gotten. While Izuku is running around as a vigilante, he could be dealing with crisis situations that relate to all of the problems brought up throughout the season. Heck, the whole thing with the giant fox/shark lady is some of the most development we got for the Mutant Plotline in the story. Why not shore up some of the other issues with more evidence of that coming forward? The country degrades as all the nasty sides of society come up as the chapters go on. Izuku's goal of trying to understand only brings him more stress and heartache. Have him deal with something like Wash and Yo Shindo did. Carry over some of the issues that Endeavor and Hawks are dealing with. Have him let someone slide when they are committing survival crimes for their family.

Then we cut back to Izuku after the Lady Nagant fight and meet up with All Might after beating another assassin. He sees the damage done to Toshinori's windshield, realizing that he was attacked and nearly killed by more of All For One's goons. Before he can explain, Deku brings up Sir Nighteye and Gran Torino and how much he's learned from them, but that he's learned the most from All Might. He says that he doesn't need him as his mentor any more, implying that he's doing this so All Might doesn't die as well. After that, it's going to be more of Izuku trying to solve people's problems, and it's only going to get worse from here. It's going to be more difficult situations with less obvious answers, stressing Izuku out more and more, made even worse by the lack of self-care he has been doing.

The final point of this will be at the Hero Commission Building. You know that recording where Lady Nagant talked about everything she did? Well, that got out to the public somehow, maybe by All For One to sow more chaos and distrust. Now people want blood for everything that happened with Lady Nagant. Izuku wants to stop the rioters because there are still innocent people in that building, but the rioters aren't villains. They're civilians who have been hurt by the Commissions attempts to keep the peace. Then we come to the big dilemma: Izuku is stuck between protecting the epicenter of all the corruption in hero work and the people who have been hurt by them. A major moral conflict to punctuate everything Izuku has been dealing with.

It all comes to a head when the Commission demands he help, and the crowd accuses Izuku of not being a real hero. Just another goon of the Hero Commission. Izuku breaks and unleashes "Black Whip" to make a massive webby wall between the rioters and the building, telling the rioters to go home. This is when we get the reveal of the monstrous hero costume in all its glory. And the rioters are terrified, looking on in utter fear and running away. Before the Hero Commission has a chance to thank him, we see the cold eyes of the broken Izuku we see later before he leaves as well. Not only could this show the other dangers of Izuku not taking care of himself and taking on the burden, but his appearance only inspires fear in the people he wants to help, but it also works to punctuate everything that has happened thus far with the various problems.

Izuku vs Class 1-A

Before this fight starts, we are given a bit in the world of "One For All". This is where I would flesh out the vestiges some more and how they view things, something that would have been hinted at through their brief appearances in the rest of the arc. Like we have the Second User saying that what Izuku is doing is fine, but why not have something like the Fourth User saying they should hide while Nana tries to act as the voice of reason? When it comes to the Despot fight, I would add a few more high profile villains to the scene. In the manga, this doesn't feel like a situation that Izuku needed help with, which is the whole point of this scenario. It feels like there should have been more ways for him to deal with this given the tools he had, but he gave up because that's what Hori needed to happen. So between the massive number of civilians and the other villains making it all at risk to do anything, I think that would cement more how screwed Izuku is without other people around him.

And when the students show up, I would give some more time to them to show off their abilities some more. Something that can show both Izuku and the audience that they have grown some over the skip. Maybe show off some new techniques without making a big deal out of it or changing their costumes around to give them a new edge. And with more villains, it gives us more chances to see that. Once the fight is over, the students will then try to ask Izuku to come back. The fight will play out mostly the same, but I would add the bit about how "Danger Sense" doesn't detect certain entities as threats since the students are doing this to help him. I think it explains how they are doing so well in spite of Izuku having a power like that and makes the bit with Toga later seem like less of a contrivance.

After the fight, I would pass off the speech Bakugou gave about returning home to Iida. I think it just works better for him. As for the apology, while you could easily rewrite it, I think it would be better to keep it as is and then build off of it. Just because he's a better person now doesn't mean that he can say sorry and have everything be okay. I think we need some catharsis on Izuku's side and some atonement on Bakugou's part. Regardless, when Bakugou finally apologizes, Izuku isn't going to take it, at least not at first. You could say that's out of character for him, but between Bakugou's self-focused apology and how much Izuku has gone through in the past few chapters, I think you could justify it. This would give Izuku some time to talk about his own problems and how much suffering Bakugou put him through. Heck, a lot of Izuku's self-sacrificing mindset is because of Bakugou and that's what's killing him now.

Izuku is going to lay into Bakugou, verbally and potentially physically, as he tries to let out all of his emotions, as shown by "Black Whip" striking out and wrapping up around Izuku. He tells Bakugou to take everyone and go, saying that they aren't strong enough to keep up and are only going to get in the way. It's basically here to play up everything that Izuku had in his mind as a result of his role and insecurities. But because of the development he's gone through, that doesn't matter to Bakugou. He only wants to help Izuku and reach out to him. Before he acted on instinct, now he's reaching out with the express purpose of trying to save Izuku breaking through the "Black Whips" in order to make it to Izuku and remove his cowl. It's meant to reverse their relationship at the start of the series, both in their positions in dynamic as Bakugou is saving Izuku from something threatening to envelop his whole body.

Returning to UA

Once Izuku gets back, it will mostly be the same, only now the ensemble will be made up of the people who Izuku has helped so far in the arc. I would want a moment between him and Inko as well. Just something sweet and nice, like her using her Quirk to pull the cowl off him to see his face. After this, we'll get some breather chapters and spend more time on Izuku mentally recovering and slowly becoming more and more accepting of himself. How many? As many as we can get, frankly. Seriously, this is such an important time for Izuku and the rest of the cast that they're going to need all the time they can get. Now, while the other characters will play a role, it will fall more to Izuku to evaluate and heal. Like staying on his own some more before slowly coming back into the fold after a period of time.

As for any character interactions, there should certainly be a moment between Izuku and Uraraka. Uraraka stuck her neck out and poured her heart out in order to get him into UA. There should be at least be a thank you from him to her. Then some time with Shoto and Iida as well, with possibly each of them reflecting on their own arcs, like Shoto telling him to take his time with this or Iida saying that he always wanted to go out looking for Izuku since that's what he would do. Maybe would could squeeze in something with Aizawa as well. Who, maybe after scolding from, Aizawa tries to connect his own feelings with Izuku's predicament. How Aizawa kept trying to push himself so hard after Oboro's death and how that affected his life. And while he always wants Izuku to push himself, he never wants Izuku to end up like him.

There will be attempts by Bakugou to make things better, and there will be a notable change in how he acts around Izuku, acting more like equals rather than Bakugou barely tolerating him. However, Izuku is still working through it and makes it clear he isn't ready to truly accept him as a friend. Not only would this be more realistic, but it would also add some more tragedy to Bakugou's "death", making it seem like he died without ever making proper amends to Izuku. And if we go with the idea that the "One For All" visages are less helpful and more confrontational, then maybe we could have a scene with him confronting the vestiges as well. You could have Izuku tearing off the black covering around his body and fully speaking his mind, making it clear that he is certain of how he wants to be a hero and how things have changed since they were around.

Then there is Mirio. Not only would this give us some time to catch up with Mirio, someone who we have barely gotten to see outside of a fight scene since he got his power back, but it would also finish up the comparisons between the two. Now that "One For All" is out in the open, we could settle Izuku's doubts on whether or not he was the right heir. Maybe Mirio could say something about how it was a blessing Izuku got it instead of him because now there are two great heroes, or that him taking it on would have been pointless since it would have only killed him before he had the real chance to be a hero. Maybe even throw something with Eri in here as well. Just something that confirms that, no, Izuku's being chosen was never a mistake and helps on his journey to self-worth.

Finally, I really want there to be a moment with Toshinori and Izuku. The two people who would be most affected by this situation and understand each other the most. This would be a follow-up to the confrontation Toshinori had with Stain. Toshinori simply being there and helping the students is more than enough. He needs to assure Izuku that he is proud of who he is and that he never once doubted his decision. It would be a genuine moment between the two. Not as the Eighth and Ninth Users of "One For All", not as the once or future Pillars of Society, but as Izuku Midoriya and Toshinori Yagi. A fine young man with a good heart, and an old man who did well in rebuilding his life. It would be a good punctuation to both Izuku's journey to rediscovering his own personal worth and Toshinori figuring out how to live a life outside of All Might.

[21shotglasses]

My favorite MDZS fics

not in order cause i don’t think i could rank these if i tried. some i like better than others and you’ll be able to tell by what i say about them.

like speaking to my heart rating: T warnings: none pairings: wangxian

this is basically a “his dark materials” au. everyone has a daemon (an animal physical manifestation of their soul). this is the longest completed mdzs fic on ao3 and took me several months to finish. mostly cause i stopped reading it for a bit. it made me cry from happiness 3 times in a row. its basically a rewrite of canon with a lot of positive changes. from the tags “Canonical Character Death. Some people live! And some people still die in this fic it's just a matter of who STAYS dead and who is really dead ;)”. some of villains are more evil than in canon. without spoiling anything i can say that everything works out in the end. and its a super slow burn about 400k worth of slow burn. the summery is more of an excerpt and is pretty long so i won’t include it.

Everyone's Got a Theory about the Bitter One rating: E warnings: none pairings: Jīn Líng/Lán Sīzhuī

this one is just really sweet, its better than you think it will be

summary: Jin Ling is lucky. He’s always known that soul-names meant nothing. His parents matched, but that hadn’t protected them. They died tragically and young. He never saw Shenshen’s mark, but he knows that Xiao-shushu’s name was Nie, not Qin. They still married. It's better that his soul-name is dead, because he can't afford to be in love with him. He can't be in love with any man, but he definitely can't love a Wen.

the cruelty of fate rating: T warnings: major character death but its only wwx pairings: wangxian

summary: “Wei Ying,” he manages, a breathy croak, and peers past his eyelashes to watch those grey eyes widen. They swirl with more emotions than he can name at the moment- emotions that he has not seen in those eyes for years, and his heart aches further as he watches the other swallow visibly, trembling hands reaching up to tentatively hold his own outstretched one, though they pass through each other like the other is made of mist. “Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying breathes, and the shadows under his eyes darken as his face scrunches up, looking like he’s about to cry. prompt: The one where your soulmate's ghost haunts you when they die.

read my lips; it was only a kiss rating: E but you could probably get away with M. warnings: none pairings: OT4 juniors

I reread the first zhuiji kiss way too much (and the whole fic too tbh)

summary: Here was the thing. Jin Ling adamantly believed that all of his current problems could be traced back to Wei Wuxian. You know, his uncle who was currently in the body of his other uncle, who exposed his other uncle for his crimes against all of his other uncles— even just thinking about it gave Jin Ling a splitting headache. Or perhaps, it was all Lan Jingyi’s fault. It might have been possible that Jin Ling had spent most of his cultivation conferences sitting in the very back of the room, snickering inconspicuously and writing out hilarious and horrible mini stories with his friends. Stories about the everlasting love of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. See, this was all Lan Jingyi’s idea. Or the one in which the juniors write wangxian fanfiction and make out with each other; or Jin Ling's very bad day (year) caused by all his terrible uncles

your heartbeat, across the grass rating: E but you could easily skip the smut. most of the fic is T or M warning: none pairings: wangxian

summary: AU where A-Yuan is professional footballer Lan Wangji's biggest fan, and his babysitter Wei Wuxian wants nothing more than to forget his days as the photographer of their school football team, calling out to the captain from the stands just so he'd look around at him.

this mattress is a desert island rating: E but could also skip the smut and the other bits are mostly T pairings: wangxian

the title does not give credit to how amazing this fic is. i really think it’s one of my favorite mdzs fics i’ve read. it was so fluffy and so sweet. my heart was beating so fast. it’s like what if wangxian were not idiots during cloud recesses and it was omegaverse. i was really into omega verse and this just hit the spot perfectly. the courting is so sweet.

summary: Now, several months into his stay at the Cloud Recesses, he has a very good nest, even better than the one at home. It has something special, something his nests have never had before. An alpha’s scent. Or; Lan Wangji’s robes keep disappearing mysteriously. Wei Wuxian’s nesting habits may have something to do with it.

turn toward the sun rating: E warnings: none pairings: wangxian

lwj being very horny for wwx for 20k words, there’s only sex at the end but there’s sexual content throughout and its very sexually charged considering the setting.

Summary: Every student of House Mandrake is assigned a study partner, a counterpart from House Valerian. Lan Wangji suspects, with some outrage, that he's been given the troublemaker. Kushiel's Legacy fusion, you don’t need to know anything about those books except for what is explained in the authors note.

and time is but a paper moon rating: M warnings: graphic depictions of violence pairings: wangxian and qingxicheng (Wēn Qíng/Jiāng Chéng/Lán Xīchén)

i read the first chapter and i was already so happy and it just got better from there and now at the end i am crying and please for the love of jiang cheng please read this. everyone who deserves happiness gets it and everyone who does not dies. i’m gonna go reread the first couple chapter now. i reread this whenever im reading a particularly sad or angsty mdzs fic and i just want some fluff and some happiness. basically just the best time travel fix it out there. wwx does a spell that makes him start from the beginning of his life with all the memories he has now. which is all of canon and then some. everything works out and no one suffers any meaningful damage. its the 5th most popular mdzs fic on ao3

how to be a heartbreaker rating: E warnings: none pairings: wangxian

So good! I love sugar baby fics but I cannot stand daddy kink stuff. This barely has a daddy kink and it was fine for me. I really like fics like this where it’s a slow burn but they’re still together for a lot of the fic. This feels like a slow burn even though it’s really not.

summary: “Lan er gege,” Wei Ying sings out an old nickname, his lips curving up into a well-rehearsed smile. It’s adorable, and it’s pretty, and he knows it mesmerises anyone who lays their eyes on him. He has done it a million times—bewitching and convincing men who need to be convinced. He just doesn’t expect to hear the hitch in Lan Zhan’s breath, too, and feel the taller man’s grasp around his wrist tightening. He fell for it. A sickening thought suddenly enters his brain, and Wei Ying wonders if he should be so cruel. “Do you want to find a private space for us, Lan Zhan?”

try a little tenderness rating: E warnings: none pairings: wangxian

summary: "Wei Ying, have you never heard of aftercare?" Mutely, Wei Ying shakes his head. He has learned of many things, from all his guys. The word care has never been included. In response to a kink meme prompt: sub wwx who hasn't had a good dom before meets dom lwj. The story of three nights and a morning.

one good thing rating: T warnings: none pairings: wangxian

I didn’t cry but the twist and the bonding really makes this fic. I highly recommend.

summary: Wei Wuxian has been haunting his childhood home for three years. He's perfected the fine art of scaring away all the tenants, and has grown used to living with the dying flowers in the garden as his only company. When Lan Wangji buys the house, Wei Wuxian fully intends to drive him off too. Except Lan Wangji is beautiful, and interesting, and captivating company - even if he supposedly doesn't know Wei Wuxian exists.

hunters seeking solid ground rating: E warnings: none pairings: wangxian

this might be my most reread mdzs fic, not all of it but parts of it, especially the beginning. there’s some angst that i tend to skip over. I dont know if I’m just going thought it right now but I cried multiple times while reading this fic. Which is impressive cause its not even that long. But my heart was clenching but entire time and i cried so much. And it really broke but then it put me back together again. Cause wei ying has gone though so much shit but at least he still has lan zhan who loves him so much. There’s so much physical non sexual intimacy and that part was just so nice.

summary: “Hanguang-jun,” Wei Wuxian repeats. His heart clenches. He wants—but he’d really meant to have this nightmare stuff down before they met again, so he wouldn’t find himself relying on Lan Wangji’s nearness. He’s not supposed to go back yet. But he’s so tired, and his will crumbles. “Yeah,” he says. “All right. Take me back to Gusu with you.”

a little note for the summary its not wangji asking wei ying to come back to gusu with him. It becomes apparent when it happens but i found that a bit confusing. I really dont think this is a spoiler but It’s the juniors

build me no shrines rating: M warnings: none but there is a pretty graphic depiction of drowning in chapter 2 pairings: wangxian

I’ve been reading so many canon divergent with essentially the same plot of canon. And its gotten pretty boring because i already know what’s gonna happen so its nice to read a post canon fic where i dont know what’s going to happen and theres actually a plot I’m invested in. Plus this one was very good. It’s the same “wangxian are idiots who are so in love they can’t see the other is also so in love with them” thing but i really liked this.

summary: Wei Wuxian opens the letter and skims through, feeling his frown deepen with every line. “Oh. A request from Yiling. This man Tong Shen writes, 'I can’t explain what’s happening — you wouldn’t believe me if I tried. The hills are moving and they are hungry. Please send aid, Hanguang-jun, this humble one begs you.' Well, my curiosity is certainly piqued." A few months after the events of Guanyin Temple, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji take on a night hunt of an unusual sort: The Burial Mounds are spreading, quickly and with no apparent explanation. In Wei Wuxian, it brings old, long-buried things bubbling to the surface.

a stone to break your soul, a song to save it rating: M warnings: none pairings: wangxian

its long but i promise its worth it. it’s the most popular mdzs fic on ao3. the title is not a metaphor.

summary: When the entire cultivation world turns against Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng comes up with a plan to save him and arranges a marriage between his brother and the Second Jade of Lan, Lan Wangji.

The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts rating: T warnings: none pairings: wangxian

pretty sure this was the first mdzs fic i’d ever read and what a great first fic.

summary: Wei Wuxian’s hand jolts, spilling a drop of wine onto the tabletop. “Love?” he croaks, then clears his throat and tries again. “Lan Zh— uh, Hanguang-jun, in love?” “Have you not heard the story?” the other young woman asks, looking pitying. “You must, it is a truly heartrending tale of star-crossed romance and mutual pining — go to any storyhouse in town, everyone has been requesting a reading of this book.” “There’s a book?” Wei Wuxian says blankly. In which the junior disciples (namely, Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen, and a reluctant Lan Sizhui) turn to RPF in an attempt to rehabilitate Wei Wuxian's reputation so that he and Hanguang-jun can get together and get married and live happily ever after. It's... surprisingly effective. its the 3rd most popular mdzs fic on ao3

i got rid of the formatting of the summaries to try and make this shorter. sorry if that makes some of them confusing.

[mjmagics]

a note (k&t23)

Hey! This is a note for my book Kittens and Titus. It is simply a personal introduction on why I’m rewriting K&T, and my connection to the characters. I will not be offended if you chose not to read this! Also this is copied from googledocs and I’m too tired to format this how it is in there so please ignore titles of tv shows and comics not being bold or italicized.  

A Note from the Author 

Hello everyone! This is my Damian Wayne fanfic I wrote back in 2018/2017. I used an OC named Jade Constantine who was John’s adopted daughter and also Rachel Roth’s half-sister. She was a little Mary Sue if you ask me, and I honestly think Kittens and Titus (2018) was bad writing but it was crazy popular! 

I was introduced to comic books rather young, and the difference between a Tiny Titans comic and normal comics seemed to be ignored by the adults around me (I only remember getting in trouble for reading Red Hood and the Outlaws when I was 11. I started reading comics around the same age I learned how to read. I have a very specific memory of how I learned of Damian Wayne and his very fucked up story. 

I was between the ages of six and eight, and in the bathroom doing my thing. I liked reading my mom’s Calvin and Hobbes comics but there was only Garfield and I was not vibing with it. (As I’m thinking back on it ever since iPhones came to be I have never seen magazines or comics in a bathroom). Since I didn’t want to read the Garfield comics I picked up a Batman comic. It happened to be the 1987 Batman: Son of the Demon. I saw some crazy shit, but if you have seen Son of Batman which came out in 2014 you're pretty caught up as far as I can remember. 

I reread that comic over and over becoming obsessed with this son of batman. He legit is only shown as a baby in Talia’s arms once and also in a test tube when he was being created (I think. The last time my eyes were on this comic I was a child). I often liked to pretend I was Bruce Wayne's secret daughter and one day he and Dick Grayson would come to save me from my miserable life, so Damian was like my twin brother in my head for a while.

In 2009 or 2010 DC went through a new rebranding (I think) and Damian became Robin! I was ten at the time and a Robin my age was so EXCITING. All I could ever think about when playing pretend with friends is how I wanted to be Damian’s friend (or better yet, girlfriend). 

I spent most of my childhood in a dissociative state, and so most of my childhood memories are obscured by the ‘make-believe’ moments I spent in my head having a grand time helping protect Gotham. Although it may have not been the best for my future, it was a great coping skill for lil Mara.

My history with Jade Roth is very long, nearly as long as my love for Damian. I grew up watching Teen Titans and Young Justice (as previously stated) and my favorite character in TT was Raven. I spent a lot of sixth grade super dissociative due to problems in my life so at times when I felt scared I would pretend I was Raven. I even started talking in a raspy voice just like her. 

Summer after 6th grade (I think it would be 2012) I made a friend who also played make-believe with the DC characters and we decided to be friends. Our OCs lived in Gotham and were dating the batboys! 

She had used the storyline of Bruce Wayne’s long-lost daughter whose mom was rich and died so she had a bunch of money, and I came up with Rain, Raven’s little sister, who (simply for convenience) lived with an older Rachel and Garfield and moved to Gotham City to go to Gotham Academy from a scholarship given to her by Bruce Wayne (lol kinda sounds a bit like Artemis Crook). I named my character Jade at first, but as I had a Soul Eater OC named Jade I couldn’t keep using the same name (according to this friend). I was also obsessed with Avatar: The Last Airbender at the time and I wanted to be a water bender. In my head, I combined Raven and water bending and I came up with the Character Rain. I just decided on Rain since I was depressed and rain and storms were depressing just like me (oh god I was so cringy, no wonder I had no friends). 

I wasn’t very creative back then but I did write a short story on MissLiteratie (I think) and Qoutive called “set fire to the rain” like the Adelle song that was released in 2011. Rain was a hero with the team in Young Justice, so her love interest was between Dick and Conner. 

Rain and my friend’s OC were based on an image we saw once in a Nightcore video. It was two emo girls standing next to each other holding hands. If I find it on Youtube I’ll probably link it because it’s just so cringe but also so 2012. 

The final part of this story is my friend was kind of a bully, and she laid claim on Jason Todd and Tim Drake. (This may have been where my hatred for Tim came from as I found him to be the most attractive Robin [please remember I was 11]). Anyways, my friend said we could share Dick Grayson, and Damian Wayne was all mine. 

Of course I hyperfocused on Damian. 

The friendship between the two of us didn’t last long. We both ended up in foster care and if this friend ever reads this, I hope you’re doing well.

I wrote Kittens and Titus in 2018, but I started it in 2017 with a friend. I was 16 at the time and working through trauma my therapist suggested writing this story for the character I was desperately connected to. I did a whole revamp of Jade, making her have the ability to create crystal on her body, similar to how Kirishima Ejiro of My Hero Academia activated his hardening quirk. I changed her hero name to Crystal to try and erase my embarrassing past with Rain.

 I wanted it to be a whole series where Damian and Jade aged together, fell in love, hated each other, and eventually returned to one another in the end. I only got through book 1, and I haven’t reread the book since 2021, so I can’t recall if they had even dated expressed feelings or any of that other shit. 

I’ll also be taking out some personal headcanons of other characters that I had put in due to the young age I'm having the characters start at but eventually, they will probably be implemented again. 

I don’t know how far I’ll get in this, but I am definitely doing Kittens and Titus and probably finishing up the second book. 

I’m now 21, soon to be 22, and I know Damian grows up, but this story will stay when they are young. I did change Jade Roth up a lot, giving her a whole new backstory and life outlook. I think she makes a lot more sense, and the newer characters I’m adding in will help Jade Roth, now known as Jade Knutzvig, seem more real. 

I hope you enjoy the story, and for those who have already read kittens and titus, please bare with me while I continue this story I’m reconnecting with. I also want to clear up one last thing: DAMIAN AND JADE WILL GET TOGETHER BUT NOT RIGHT AWAY. THIS FIRST BOOK TAKES PLACE IN THE MATTER OF A FEW MONTHS AND I DONT SEE DAMIAN AS THE TYPE OF KID TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE HE BARELY KNOWS. IF THIS BOTHERS YOU DO NOT READ. I UNDERSTAND IT CAN BE FRUSTRAITING, WHICH IS WHY I AM LETTING YOU KNOW. 

Enjoy. 

[inked-out-trees]

69, 44, and 25 for the writers ask

I need to get back to writing too, but in good news I'm getting a feel of character for one of them. Now if I only had a plot

we're doing it! getting back into writing together! thank you for the reverse directional asks i will do them exactly how you have asked

69. how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

if i'm coming into it Knowing that i want to write an emotional scene, usually there's music involved! i have a collection of sad and otherwise melancholy playlists (plus one that's just songs i think would fit well in those angsty last 3 minutes of a tv show episode before the cliffhanger) and they tend to serve me well; if all else fails i'll find the most recent mood-fitting song i've been repeating lately and loop it forever. (most recently has been doctor eleven by dan romer. was the only thing i listened to for my crw class submission and personally i think it turned out swell.)

as for feeling the characters, i don't think so? a lot of the time what i feel when i'm writing is just joy from writing, vague evil sentiment, or if it's Really A Lot To Handle, there'll be like, an ache. occasionally i do make myself cry but that's mostly for personal or original things, and less for fanfic. unless it's the annie chapter of bean's beans. but typically i am somewhat detached, which is actually kind of impressive considering my propensity for imprinting on literally everything. huh! i learn something new about myself every day.

44. any writing advice you want to share?

man i never know if there's any sort of sagely things i do that could be passed off as wisdom but. the best piece of advice i've read (on tumblr too i think) was that if you're stuck, it's possible that the problem is actually a couple lines back. usually i look between three paragraphs and half a page up to see what different choices i could make, and that tends to solve my problem more often than not. kind of magic, that.

in other sort of throwaway bits, i always start a fic creation process by opening a doc and just rambling onto it. no proper prose, just as though i'm having a conversation with the empty page. it's helpful both to get my ideas in order and to have a place to come back to if need be - it's easier to toss the ball around if the net's already there, yknow? also, if for some reason microsoft word isn't doing it for me, i find fighter's block to be good for dumping out words, and zenpen has carried me through several terms of creative writing assignments and also poetry so take that as you will.

25. what's your revision or rewriting process like?

would you laugh at me if i said i don't edit my fics. this is not necessarily true in that i don't consider what i post to be rough in any way, but when it comes to fic especially i'm a big first-one-done kind of guy. that being said: i reread my work a lot. a lot a lot. and often times i will pick up little things that need fixing, line edits or weird repetitive things, so i do find it helpful. also the read-aloud function on word has been great to me. and i make frequent use of the comment function in word, which has been exceedingly useful when it comes to the fact that i haven't yet figured out the whole timeline of fixed point so some of the dates are just "FIGURE THIS OUT LATER" and "IS THIS TRUE?".

and of course sharing with other people :) coming from creative writing seminars i've realised (? finally understood? i don't actually know how much of an enlightenment it was but it was something) how useful it is to get someone and just say, hey, tell me how you interpret this, are there any questions you still have, god forbid did i leave any gaping plot holes. this comes in especially handy because in MY brain i know all the answers, and sometimes they forget to worm out onto the page. this again has just happened in my current seminar, so rest in peace to the quest plot i tentatively thought i could maybe go without describing (for wordcount's sake) but apparently not. it is cool and fine.

anyway happy tuesday and also thank you!

[nicegaai]

Ch 7:

(i ragequit halfway thru rereading this chapter bc i decided i hated it and everything in the world and etc <3 its literally fine tho. im going to finish this reread bc i said i would and i WILL. and i keep daydreaming ab this universe lately. i miss them.)

Ohhh this is where I took a big break between chapters and I was never sure the flow between them made a ton of sense… idk I guess because the two of them had a good talk and then immediately Emil dreamed about sucking oniichan off…..

Ohh this is so silly… Emil my boy.. this is so awkward for sig what are u doooooing <3

HMM. There are edits I want to make here. I didn’t need the last sentence. I used to like it, now I don’t . :/

OH!!!!! I did write Leon into this!!! Id forgot! I had several scenes with him i cut out bc I just didn’t want to write them..

ohh my god I duplicated a whole paragraph. This has all just been an elaborate exercise in embarrassment. I can’t believe I got away with this.

Wow </3 if u think about it, Sig wanting to fuck Emil sooo bad actually saved him from the gay incel lifestyle. It could have been so much worse for my boy <//3

Oh. The transition made me gasp. Gagged me a bit. Get it boysss. Wild Fucking Scene between these three. Idk what to say to this. Op you have problems.

Another error to edit :-/

CRAP DUDE I LEFT IN NOTES THAT WERE FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT. I can’t take it anymore im so madddddddd 

Actually this whole chapter is my least fav yet. SIGHH. I wanna go in and edit dialogue again bc this just. ughh. Ive changed I could do him better this time

(I actually walked away here for like 4 hours. Maybe im just at the anger stage of grief. )

Ok forget Sig, Berwald would not say that either. What is any of this? Why is any of this. Mannnnnnn get me out of here!!!!!  Haha wait I can just skim read. Its fine.

(It was not fine. I rage quit again and started again the next day.)

IM SORRY FOR THE NEGATIVITY ALL OF A SUDDEN I don’t know what my problem is. It’s Sunday now, back at it. Im gonna finish this reread TODAY so I can START WRITING !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hm yeah this scene really didn’t play out as well as I hoped it would. I wanna throw up and cry but its good im good its good I am good … Its not good and I don’t know why it not being good is fucking w me this bad lmao

(RIGHT HERE is where i quit for like a month and im back again let's see if i freak out a third time<3)

so i guess this is why books go thru multiple rounds of edits. i understand now. writing is a mess and i came at this thing overconfident i could hammer something out on the fly,,,,,,,,

i will allow myself to go in and do rewrites and scene rearranging and such AFTER i finish the last chapter ONLY. thats my new motivation to finish this. and i will finish it. i will. i say this bc i really do fucking hate this scene and i want to do something violent to it in the rewrite phase sooo bad ill tear it to bits ill kill it dead #positivethinking

actually fuck this its my reread. i dont HAVE TO read this scene. aaaaand skip (<- liar who continues to skim and cringe)

ok scene over i lived. back to my darlingbabyboybabybooboobear

it was a mistake to involve characters that i dont want to throttle and soak in milk and slam against the wall. the writing only gets good when iceland is there i think & the rest is filler. the quality fr jumped about 3 levels this is so funnyyyyyy. im not hopeless after all ...!!

im going to squeeze emil until his head pops like a zit

im going to scream i m going to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD ARE THEY FUCKIN IN THIS CHAPTER? OH MY GOD ARE THEY? WAIT THERES STILL LIKE 1/3RD LEFT TO GO I DONT REMEMBER THIS ARE THEY GONNA --

im only getting more intrigued. what is this. whats happening. are they fuckin or nah

i love typos theyre eachand every one my special little friend *shaking w barely contained rage(

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i do not remember where this is going but i hope they fuckin oh my god oh my god im kickin my feet and gigglinggggg aiigieieghhghe

hes a nervous little thingg ...... uwa.. moé ... <333

this is stupid and indulgent but i live for emil reacting to things.

make another edit here i think emil could be reacting cuter. future me, make the gayboy MORE moe please tttthnak you

i made a stupid noise when they kissed im weak i a m a weak man. also i knowwww they fuckin now but i dont trust that the sex is going to be well written i know it wont be.

already i am disappointed. and i know why cuz i can feel exactly where i struggled w the eroticism of the peenus and im reading this like. yeah i didnt enjoy writing that and its coming across to the reader alright. or to me at least with my criticism goggles on. god the next few chapters are going to be so much worse. but i think i can make it work. theres. i have. ..im seeing visions from fujoshi jesus

oh no i squee'd .. theres not another word for it. AHH!!!! i fucking squee'd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]IM KICKING M Y FEET AND STUFF WHAT denice got me rolling around schoolgirl style . im a full on mess i love them sm ,THIS IS SO SILLYYYYYYYY I LOVE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMM WHAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im actually enjoying this so much i love denice.....

BWAHHHGHHH

EAUEGHAEUEGAHGAEHGA

projection in my fanfic? nooo neverr,

HES SOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE EMILLLLL BABYYYYYY I WUV UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

kicking my feet again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

fav chapter ending ive ever written in anything ever. so good. what a horrible piece of shit i hate him. i hate all of this. something something my twisted mind. one more chpater ill read idk tomorrow maybe the next day.....well goodnight

im attempting my fic reread today. im announcing this bc i will be liveblogging to keep my morale up, NOT THAT anyone cares but i personally need this, like ill only commit to do the thing if theres an imaginary audience holding me accountable. & i like to have fun :3

anyway. captains log, its a beautiful sunny july weekend. i just finished my morning coffee, and, i am dreading this so much. i dont like rereading my own writing but i shall get over it. ok here we go.

Þetta Reddast vagueblogged directors commentary edition

Ch 1:

*opens fic and starts convulsing immediately* god i wish i smoked weed rn. i cannot chill out ever for the life of me

My Mission For Today Is: to remember what plot threads I’ve left hanging so I can resolve this story properly. And also try n remember where the flow is going. I have the end plotted out, I just am a little lost … it’s been a while :-(

------------

Abrupt beginning!!!! I’m not mad because I have . I HAD. Almost no writing experience when I started this. it isn’t ideal but I refuse to be one of those fanfic writers that starts rewriting early chapters without finishing the last ones. Ive never seen one of those types actually finish a longfic. …I’d already rather yap than actually read LMAO AHH

Oh this is worse than I remember. thats cool that s great ok alright *coughs up blood*

"20 somethings" WOW I really did not know where I was going with this when I started huh

LKJSDLKSJDLGKGDJSLDGJK ??? Who authorized this. Who let me cook. What the hell

I could write this better now. I could edit this into something beautiful. <- devil on my shoulder

FORGOT I WAS MAKING RICE BRB

"generously offered nothing to the exchange." wait STOPPPP. I’m so funny

GRAMMAR ERROR DETECTED why is there two periods. I’ll be coming back to fix that …………………. :-(((

Fuck. This is a lot. Marge Simpson Hiding Her Face dot Png

Oh this is stupid this is gayyy this is fukcinnn . Who fucking did t his. What was wrong with me,. This is so good actually. what was i ONNNN. 

Im gonna throw up and I don’t know if thats like/. A complimentary thing or if im just cringing that hard . Im feeling emotions. I love my OTPs..OT3~5? I love them so so much

Ok as much as im like “eww bad writing” this is .. dare I say, rly good in places. Not to suck my own dick but maybe all hope isnt lost and imposter syndrome is an illusion

Grammar mistake #2. Goddddddd. they should ban me from the archive for this

EMILLLLL EMIL EMIL EMIL HIIIIII BABYYYY EMILLL I LOVE UUUU AWWHUUGHH everyone clap for my bewoved baby bruvver right FUCKING now

Urghhh gritting my teeth… Im fully expecting the flow of events to start not making any gd sense. There’s no way this came together the way I hoped in my head and .... For real I was never able to read this all the way thru. this is my first time, lol. and it was all disjointed on the authorial end to say the least. Im scared T-T

Jlxjvklsdkjfsjlkdkjlsjklkljzsdkjlgaskljdgjklasljkgdljkasljkdgjklasjlkdgljkaskljdgjakl?????????? 

Im not liking the ratio of dialogue to whatever the other stuff is. scene-setting I guess. prose maybe. i could have dragged this out way longer... By which I mean made it a more satisfying read. But WHATEVER !!!! 

TIMO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIMOOOOOOOOOO NUMERO UNOOOO DO MUNDOOOOOO I really need to utilize him more. As soon as I finish this fic I need to write a Timo POV spinoff where he gets cancelled on furry twitter for proshipping in real life

Hmmmm chapter ending didn’t hit as hard in practice as it did in drafts. Oh well. God damn that was a lot to happen in one chapter LMAOO???

OH SHIT MY RICE IS STILL COOKING —— 

[shai-manahan]

News about the update!!

Okay. You’re free to scream at me for this ahaha I have good news and bad news. (oh lord this is so awkward)

Good news: Contrary to what I initially thought, after dozens and dozens of revisions, I have actually made great progress in Chapter 2. Like real progress. Nearing-the-end progress. One-section-remaining progress. 

Bad news: I was so set on releasing the update (like half of the chapter) the other day, then I reread the whole thing and literally scrunched up my nose at the prologue lmao. I mean, it’s not that bad, I know, but the problem is it’s so different from the way I wrote Chapter 2. 

I know I promised it would be on December 4 but this would deeply bother me if I release it this way, so I’m extending it for a few weeks. (No, it’s not gonna get further than December-- I physically can’t allow that to happen. Please forgive me for that sjkldjaskl)

Like, as you know, months have passed (don’t kill me) since the last update, and apparently, my writing style has kinda changed? It’s less of a change, I guess, rather than being more comfortable around the IF medium. Basically, at the time I delved into writing IF, I was basically a beginner lmaoo. I wrote film scripts before, even made short stories, but this was the first time I began writing something this long, and at the start I was still trying to experiment on the length of descriptions I’d use and what kind of choices to include.

So, as of the moment, I’ve been rewriting some parts to make some sections a little less rushed and to give more context on the city’s state. I don’t know how often I’d be able to update by the time January comes (it’s gonna be a little hectic from that moment) so I want to do my best for this one. (and no this is not gonna take a very long time--punch me if that happens)

Right now, this is what I need from you all. If there is any section in the demo, and I mean anything, please don’t hesitate to talk to me and point it out. I will do something about stuff that makes you uncomfortable, so please do contact me if you find any issues with it. I won’t get angry. I just need to know what concerns there are about the things I write this early in the demo, because I really don’t want to remain ignorant on matters I should be taking care of.

Also, I want to take this chance to make an apology. (something about the hate anons the previous months under the cut)

I feel like I’ve been very unprofessional these past few months, if I’ll be honest. I wasn’t exactly in the best mental state and there were some stuff I had to deal with (I’m basically a neurodivergent who may have spent too much time untreated) but that’s no excuse.

I got angry a lot of times. I got pissy and snarky at some of my posts, and I want to say sorry for that. I’m aware that people follow this blog for the game, and not for personal issues I have to deal with, and I am only learning that now. And, I don’t know. I do feel that some of the asks I got before were thoroughly aggressive that may have warranted some screaming, but I do believe I handled them the wrong way.

If I ever do that again--the whole getting angry and being all snarky again bit--do feel free to poke me. Tell me if I make a post that needed tagging for something sensitive but completely forgot to. Tell me if I make a remark that veers into arrogance/insensitivity. 

I’d really really want to know when I do something inherently bad, so I could start changing that about myself.

Thank you to whoever reads this until the end. You are one patient person.

And have a nice week! (Also wishing that for myself because the last weeks have been... ugh)

[yukinojou]

I already squeed quite a bit on Twitter, but turns out my Shadow and Bone thoughts demand longform. So that was a 40+ tweet thread or using my Tumblr for an original post for once.

I was wary about the Shadow and Bone adaptation the way I'm usually wary about good books being adapted onscreen. It was amplified because my actual favourites are the Six of Crows books, and because the American-based movie complex has a bad track record of doing anything based on Eastern Europe. 8 episodes in 3 days should tell you how much I loved it - the moment I finished, I wanted more.

First, the technical praise:

Damn but the plotting is tight. It took me a while to realised it's based on heist movie bones, where every little thing (The Freaking Bullet!) is important. The story fulfills its promises and manages not to bore at the same time - it delights by the way they're fulfilled. I called out a few plot developments moments before they happened, and I was happy about it. Such a joy after so many series where "not doing what viewers expect" led to plot holes and lack of sense. It might be an upside to the streaming model after all.

From a dramatic point of view I can tell all the reasons for all the changes, especially providing additional outsider points of view on Ravka (Crows) and letting viewers see Mal for themselves the way he only comes across in later books.

Speaking of which, this is a masterclass in rewriting a story draft. SaB was Bardugo's first, and having read later books you can really see where she didn't quite dare to break the YA rules yet, especially Single POV that necessitated a tight focus on Alina's often negative feelings rather than the big picture and a triangle that felt a bit forced. The world in the series is so much bigger, the way Bardugo could finally paint it when SaB success gave her more creative freedom, and some structural choices feel familiar too. It's a combination of various choices by crew and cast, but the end result meshes together so tightly and naturally.

Visuals! Especially the war parts because Every Soviet Movie Ever, but also the clothes (I would kill for Nina's blouse in the bar), the jewelry, the interiors. The stag was so very beautiful. And a deep commitment to a coherent aesthetic for each character and setting.

Look, you can do a serious fantasy series with colours! Both skin colours and bright sets and clothing! And all scenes were well lit enough to know what's going on, even in the Fold!

Representation (aka I Am Emotion)

To start with: I was born behind the Iron Curtain, in the last years of the Cold War. The Curtain was always permeable to some extent, and we have always been aware that while we have talented artists of our own, we never had the budgets and polish of the Anglosphere Entertainment Machine. So we watched a hell of a lot of American visual storytelling especially because yeah, you can tell we don't have the budgets. 90s and 2000s especially, it's getting better now.

In American stories, the BEST case scenario for Eastern European representation is the Big Dumb Pole, the ethnic stereotype Americans don't even notice they use, where the punchline is that his English is bad or that he grew up outside Anglo culture. Other than that, it's criminals, beggars, sex trafficking victims, refugees. Sure, we may look similar (except we really really don't, not if you're raised here and see the distinct lack of all those long-jawed Anglo faces), but we are not and have never been the West, never mind America. It's probably better for younger people now, but I was raised under rationing and passport bans. Star Trek and Beverly Hills 90210 were exactly as foreign to me.

The first ever character I really identified with was Susan Ivanova in Babylon 5 (written by J. Michael Straczynski, yay behind-camera representation). This was a Russian Jewish woman very much in charge, in the way of strong women I know so well, not taking any bullshit, not repressing her feminity. I recognised her bones, she could be my cousin. The sheer relief of it. There have been few such occasions since.

The reason I picked up Shadow and Bone in the first place was recommendations from other Polish people. I've had no problems finding representation in Eastern European books because wow our scene is strong in SFF especially, but it's always a treat to find a book in English that gets it. And Leigh gets it, the bones of our culture, and I could even look past the grammar issue (dear gods and Americans, Starkova for a woman, Morozov for a guy) that really irked me because of the love for the setting and the characters, the weaving in of religion/mysticism (we never laicisized the same way as the West, natch), the understanding of how deep are the scars left in a nation at war for centuries. The books are precious to me, they and Arden's Winternight and Novik's Spinning Silver.

To sum up: Shadow and Bone the Netflix series gets it. You can tell just how much they've immersed themselves in Eastern European culture and media, it comes across so well in visuals and writing and characters. Not just the obvious bits (though the WWII propaganda posters gave me a giggle), but the palaces, the additional plotlines and characters, the costumes, the attitudes. About the only thing missing in the soldier scenes was someone singing and/or quoting poetry.

I will blame the Apparat's lack of beard on filming in a non-Orthodox country. Poland's Catholic too, but I very much imagined him as an Orthodox patriarch, possibly because I read the books shortly after a visit to Pecherska Lavra in Kiev and the labyrinthine holy catacombs there. Small quibble, not my religion, not my place to speak.

(I've seen discussion on the issues with biracial representation in the show, which is visceral and apparently based on bad experiences of one of the show writers in a way that's caused pain to other Asian and biracial people. I'm not qualified to speak on those parts, other that Eastern Europe is... yeah. Racist in subtly different ways. If anything, the treatment of the Suli as explained in Six of Crows always read so very true of the way Roma are treated, and even sanitised.)

And now for the spoiler-filled bits:

Kaz and Inej. I mean... just THEM. So many props to the actors, the writers, the bloody goat.

I adore the fact the only people who get to have sex in the show are Jesper and a very lucky stablehand.

Ben Barnes needs either an award or a kick. The man's acting choices and puppy eyes are as epic as his hair.

So Much Love for Alina initiating the kiss. Her book characterisation makes sense, she's so trapped in her own head because she has no time to process everything that's happening, but grabbing life by the lapels is a much more active choice. Still not making the relationship equal, but closer to it.

Speaking of, Kaz's constant awareness of how unequal his relationship with Inej is, and attempts to give her agency. I'm really curious how his touch issues come across to someone who doesn't know the backstory there.

Feodor and his actor. He looks exactly like the pre-war heartthrob Adolf Dymsza, a specific upper-class Polish ethnic type that's much rarer now that, well, Nazis killed millions of Polish intellectuals in their attempt to reduce us to unskilled labour only. The faces he makes are the Best.

Nina!! Nina is perfect, those cheekbones, that cheek, I was giggling myself silly half the time. I cannot wait to see Danielle Galligan take on the challenge of Nina's plotline in Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom, she'll kill us dead.

I already mentioned that the writers fixed Mal's absence from the first book, but Mal in general! The haircut gives him a kind of rugby charm, and Archie Renaux is outstanding at emoting without talking. Honestly, all the casting in this series is inspired, but him in particular.

Extra bonus: Howard Charles and Luke Pasqualino playing so very much against the type of the swaggering Musketeers I saw them play last. Arken dropping the mask at the end... Howard Charles is love.

I can't believe not only was Milo's bullet a plot point, but the fact Alina was wearing a particularly sparkly hair ornament in a long series of beautiful hair ornaments was a plot point.

In conclusion: so much love, and next three season NOW please. Okay, give me a week to reread the books, and an extra day because new Murderbot drops tomorrow...

[if-one-of-us-falls]

A few days ago I saw some screenshots from Charlie Kaufman's 2012 Chaos Walking screenplay (posted by yer-nothing) and got intrigued, so last night I read through the whole thing and we need to talk about this.

Let me start off by saying that I'm not a big cinema buff and don't really know how screenplays work. I'm a huge fan of the books. I haven't seen the new movie yet (which, to my understanding, has a completely different screenplay) but I've watched every clip that came out and I might compare them to the Kaufman screenplay at certain points. Also, this post contains spoilers to the Kaufman screenplay and to The Knife of Never Letting Go!

I reread TKoNLG recently so it's fresh in my mind (as if it ever leaves lol) and I was impressed by how loyally the screenplay follows the book. Not only does it keep most of the scenes, but it also depicts them very closely to how they happened in the book, sometimes beat by beat. Most importantly to me, everyone is kept in character. So much so that reading the few little bits that were added and did not appear in the book made me smile because I could totally see the characters behaving this way. Kaufman understood the story and the characters he was given and expanded on them with a very light touch rather than trying to rewrite them completely - which was my #1 problem with what I've seen from the movie.

Todd is very obviously not aged up in this screenplay. Not only because he states it in his mantra, but also because he acts like book!Todd. Same with Viola. Kaufman really nailed their dynamic and the way their relationship evolves over the course of the story. A lot of Todd's narration in the book was turned into bits of Noise, and while I'm not sure how that would work on screen, I think it was done beautifully and kept the spirit and the context of the book. There is still a little bit of the romance set-up (with Todd clearly thinking about Viola being pretty etc.) but it's quite subtle and in-character, not as pushy as the movie clips felt.

Ben and Cillian still don't get a lot of screentime, but you really can't miss that they're a couple and their relationship to Todd and to eachother is established effectively.

The character who was changed the most has to be the Mayor. The screenplay gave him the power to direct Noise at Todd from a distance and basically speak to him all the time, and his intentions towards Todd are very clear and blatant. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it is intriguing (and more than a little creepy). I suppose that Kaufman's purpose was to set up the Mayor as a more prominent character, since Aaron is the main villain in book 1.

One of my favorite added moments was the Robert Frost joke. First because it was so in-character, but also because it shows them finding common ground despite their differences. Todd doesn't have Viola's education, but instead of making fun of him for not knowing the poem the screenplay lets him come up with his own poem, which feels exactly like something Ben would have taught him. And he shows that he cares about Viola and asks her to explain rather than letting her dismiss what she said as a stupid joke. And they trust each other enough by that time that her explaining doesn't feel condescending to him like it did before. I loved that.

I actually wasn't too fond of how Kaufman rewrote the scene in the cemetery where Ben explains what really happened in Prentisstown. I think it was important in the book when Todd was the one to figure it out, and letting Viola explain felt weaker to me. But what really bugged me was changing Ben's hope speech to talk about love. It wasn't really the point in my opinion, and he barely even met Viola anyway. Overall I guess it just felt a little too Hollywood-y (can I really be surprised, though?).

Of course, a few scenes and Characters had to be cut. The most sorely missed one was Wilf, but at least the screenplay still had the Sea of Things. Sadly it didn't have gorgeous visual of them laying in the cart and riding through the song of Here, and Todd's journey to rescue Viola after Aaron took her felt a little shorter. Viola's fake accent and calling herself and Todd Hildy and Ben was cleverly integrated into the Carbonel Downs scene, so at least that wasn't lost, but that part did feel a little rushed - we didn't get the full extent of how angry VIola was at their sexism and the tension of Ben facing the Law wasn't as intense as in the book (but it might just be that it was only a screenplay. )

The scene where Viola reads Todd his ma's book was beautiful (though a little bit of comic relief was inserted that I think I'd rather cut off). The moment where Todd looks at Viola and realizes he can read her... holy shit. That was powerful. I could almost hear the background music.

Aaron was as crazy as he was in the book - which is great - except that his ranting took a bit more of a slut-shaming angle which felt just a little bit off and distracting from how scary he is.

I really liked the circular ending and the visual elements, but I'm not sure how I feel about everything that happens in that scene. I guess it comes down again to the Mayor being so blatant. In the book, this scene is our first real introduction to him, but the Kaufman screenplay is not attempting to maintain that sense of dread and mystery. I wonder what a sequel would look like since getting to know the Mayor was such a big part of book 2. Anyway I'm sure If I were in the theater when Todd's Noise said "Listen, Viola: I have hope for us" I would break down crying, if I wasn't already.

Overall I really loved that screenplay. It captured the spirit of the book. Not to complain about the movie again, but I wish I could see the Kaufman screenplay getting produced. This is the movie I wanted. It feels like such a waste of potential, but I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to at least read the screenplay.

Anyway if anyone has thoughts about this screenplay or Chaos Walking in general I would love to hear from you! I can't believe it existed since 2012 and I only found it now.