#only for that to fail and go back to indie music that i need TO STOP FUCKING FALLING ASLEEP TO

[ukulele-mixtape]

honestly not even shocked this year but it was such a good time for new bops

[iamalasagnagirl]

Pls, pls, pls I need more WLW book recommendations!!!

Adults, YA, spicy, soft, I don’t care. I just need wlw books because I want to switch from fanfics only to actual books as well

Okay, here we are, enjoy :)

Bright Falls Series by Ashley Herring Blake: 1. Delilah Green Doesn't Care -> Delilah Green swore she would never go back to Bright Falls - nothing is there for her except memories of a lonely childhood - but when Delilah's stepsister pressures her into photographing her wedding with a guilt trip and a large check, Delilah finds herself back in Bright Falls once more. She plans to breeze in and out, but then she sees Claire Sutherland, one of Astrid's stuck-up besties, and decides that maybe there's some fun (and a little retribution) to be had, after all. 2. Astrid Parker Doesn't Fail -> For Astrid Parker failure is unacceptable. When Pru Everwood asks her to be the designer for the Everwood Inn's renovation, which will be featured on a hugely popular home makeover show, Astrid is thrilled. However, Astrid never planned on Jordan Everwood, Pru's granddaughter and the lead carpenter for the renovation, who despises every modern design decision Astrid makes. Is she going to pursue the life that she's expected to lead or the one that she really wants? 3. Iris Kelly doesn't date -> Everyone around Iris Kelly is in love and she’s happy for all of them, truly. Iris doesn’t want any of that—dating, love, romance. She’ll stick to her commitment-free hookups. There’s only one problem—Iris is a romance author facing an imminent deadline for her second book, and she’s completely out of ideas. Perfectly happy to ignore her problems as per usual, Iris goes to a bar and meets a sexy stranger, Stefania, and a night of dancing and making out turns into the worst one-night stand Iris has had in her life. To get her mind off everything, Iris tries out for the lead role in a local play, a queer retelling of Much Ado About Nothing, but comes face-to-face with Stefania, whose real name turns out to be Stevie. Desperate to save face in front of her friends, Stevie asks Iris to play along as her girlfriend. Iris is shocked, but when she realizes the arrangement might provide her with some much-needed romantic content for her book, she agrees. As the two women play the part of a happy couple, lines start to blur.

Falls from grace by Ruby Landers -> Savannah Grace and her band were huge stars in Nashville. Now enlists Noah Lyman - an indie musician - to help her break out of country music and make a name for herself for once and for all. They have to spend the winter in Savannah secluded vacation home in the woods of Vermont, and Noah brings along his best friend Brynn Marshall and pretend she’s his wife? After all, what could possibly go wrong?

The secret of you and me by Melissa Lenhardt -> Nora hasn’t looked back. Not since she fled Texas to start a new life. Now she can live—and love—however she wants. The only problem is that she also left behind the one woman she can’t forget. Now tragedy calls her back home to confront her past—and reconcile her future.

Books by Haley Cass: - Those Who Wait and the follow-up Forever and A Day -> Spencer Sutton, the daughter of a congressman, and Charlotte Thompson, New York City’s youngest deputy mayor, meet on SapphicSpark, a women-seeking-women dating app. Sutton isn’t built for casual, and Charlotte needs to keep a low profile as the race heats up. In spite of that, a friendship blossoms as Charlotte helps Sutton navigate the dating world. - Down to A Science -> Ellie Beckett is a scientific genius finishing a Ph.D. at MIT, sitting on her stool at her favorite bar, putting the final touches on her thesis - her life is predictable and comfortable enough, until the night Mia Sharpe walks in to play pool with some friends and things are never the same again. and On the same Page -> Riley Beckett met Gianna Mäkinen their first year at Boston University, and it changed everything for the both of them. She knows Gianna doesn't do romance or relationships, and she knows nothing could ever come between them. But when a holiday party mix-up sets in motion a domino effect of changes, Riley has to question everything she thought she knew about their relationship. What, exactly, does Gianna mean to her after all? - In the Long Run -> Taylor Vandenberg is busy running a successful travel blog. Brooke Watson and Taylor’s younger brother have been best friends for the majority of their lives. It means that even if Taylor isn’t physically present, she’s always been a part of Brooke’s most monumental life experiences. When Taylor lands back in Faircombe for an extended stay, it leads to more run-ins than Brooke would like. And more feelings than either may want to admit. - When You Least Expect It & Better Than Expected (I haven't had a chance to read them yet, but I have seen them recommended a lot)

If tomorrow doesn't come by Jen St. Jude -> On the morning Avery Byrne plans to end her life, the world discovers there are only nine days left to live: an asteroid is headed for Earth, and no one can stop it. As time runs out and secrets slowly come to light, Avery fights her way home to save the girl she has been in love with her whole life. But can Avery also learn to save herself and find hope again in the tomorrows she has left?

Kiss her once for me by Alison Cochrun -> Ellie had a Christmas Eve meet-cute with a woman at a bookstore that led her to fall in love over the course of a single night. The next year, Andrew, the shop’s landlord where Ellie works, proposes a shocking, drunken plan: a marriage of convenience that will benefit both of them. They make a plan to spend the holidays together at his family cabin to keep up the ruse. But when Andrew introduces his new fiancée to his sister, Ellie is shocked to discover is the mysterious woman she fell for over the year before.

6 times we almost kissed (and one time we did) by Tess Sharpe -> Penny and Tate keep almost kissing. It’s just this confusing thing that keeps happening. You know, from time to time. For basically their entire teenaged existence.  They’ve never talked about it. They’ve always ignored it in the aftermath. But now they’re living across the hall from each other. And some things—like their kisses—can’t be almosts forever. 

Nottingham: the true story of Robin Hood by Anna Burke -> (A retelling of Robin Hood's story with a Female Robin and wlw couples) After a fateful hunting accident sends her on the run from the law, Robyn finds herself deep in the heart of Sherwood Forest. All she really wants to do is provide for her family and stay out of trouble, but when the Sheriff of Nottingham levies the largest tax in the history of England, she’s forced to take matters into her own hands. Relying on the help of her band of merry women and the Sheriff’s intriguing—and off limits—daughter, Marian, Robyn must find a way to pull off the biggest heist Sherwood has ever seen.

Forget me not by Alyson Derrick -> Stevie has a terrible fall. And when she comes to, she can remember nothing of the last two years—not California, not coming to terms with her sexuality, not even her girlfriend Nora. Suddenly, Stevie finds herself in a life she doesn’t quite understand. And Nora finds herself…forgotten.

It goes like this by Miel Moreland -> Eva, Celeste, Gina, and Steph used to play in world-famous queer pop band called Moonlight Overthrow. But after a sudden falling out leads to the dissolution of the teens' band, their friendship, and Eva and Celeste's starry-eyed romance, nothing is the same. Until a storm devastates their hometown, bringing the four ex-best-friends back together. As they prepare for one last show, they'll discover whether growing up always means growing apart.

Dominion Series by J J Arias: 1. Losing Control  -> Talent agent Adriana Ortiz’s world is rocked when she’s thrust into the tumultuous orbit of Roxy, the raw, enigmatic pop rebel with a notorious edge and a guarded heart. Tasked with steering the wild Roxy on a whirlwind tour, Adriana boards Roxy’s opulent tour bus. The nights are filled with roaring crowds, but it’s the electric tension between Roxy and Adriana that sets the air on fire. A forbidden connection that threatens to consume them. Is the wild, unbridled Roxy worth the risk to Adriana’s career, or is she just another woman falling victim to Roxy’s charms? 2. Fighting for Control  -> Lola Barros is a rising talent agent burning with ambition. Carmen Vargas is a dedicated lawyer poised to conquer the legal field. Their shared high-rise is the only thing these two powerhouses have in common. After a trivial parking mishap snowballs onto a full-blown feud, Lola and Carmen are thrust into unconventional anger management sessions and their fiery rivalry gives way to smoldering desire. But yielding to desire isn't straightforward. Between the shadows of demanding careers and familial expectations, their love is tested. Can Lola and Carmen find a balance between ambition and affection? 3. Relinquishing Control  -> Natalia Flores rules her exclusive talent agency with an iron fist, brokering blockbuster deals while keeping everyone at arm’s length. But beneath the cold exterior lies a heart that yearns to be understood. Enter Professor Samantha Reyes—brilliant, fierce, and unwilling to let Natalia manipulate her way into the film rights to her book. Their encounters spark with tension and undeniable chemistry. In a world where control is everything, can two powerful women let go of their fears to find a love that’s worth the risk?

11:59 by Erica Lee -> TJ Edmonds has created a whole brand around not getting attached to other people. She has a best-selling novel and a popular phone app both dedicated to helping people stay detached from their significant others, so they don't get hurt. But the only reason she can move on so quickly now is because she still hasn't let go of someone from her past. It's easy to guard her heart when she no longer has it to give away. TJ texts Brooke everyday at 11:59 pm with no answers. What happens when, in a moment of weakness, this someone reaches out to TJ?

Price and Prejudice and the city by Rachel Lippincott -> Seventeen-year-old Audrey Cameron has lost her spark. After an embarrassing run-in with her ex-boyfriend, she’s told that she needs to get back out there and take risks. What she doesn't expect is to be transported to Regency England! Lucy Sinclair has her own problems when Audrey lands into her life, claiming to be from two hundred years in the future, it's a welcome distraction.

Never ever getting back together by Sophie Gonzales -> Maya and Skye are invited to star on the reality dating show Second-Chance Romance, to compete for their now famous ex-boyfriend's affections while the whole world watches. Skye wonders if she and Jordy can recapture the spark she knows they had, but Maya has other plans.

The art of us by KL Hughes -> Charlee and Alex fell in love at nineteen and dated for four years. Theirs was an enviable love — evergreen and growing. Unbreakable…Until it broke. Alex’s job now brings her back to Boston, after five years. When, by chance, they meet again, Charlee and Alex are swept up in a whirlwind of heart-rending history, tossed between past and present, and lovers old and new. Will their lingering connection be enough to convince them that some loves are meant to last? Or should the past remain in the past?

That secret something by Emily Wright -> Rebecca Lawson is off-limits. Jess knows this, but Rebecca has captured her heart for as long as she can remember. She’s sporty, tall and confident—all the things Jess is not—but most of all…she’s her best friend Lily’s sister. But when Jess and Rebecca are forced to spend time together the forbidden feelings intensify and sparks begin to fly. Amidst the chaos of raging bridezillas and other wedding disasters, can Jess resist temptation for the sake of her friendship?

The seven husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid  -> Aging and reclusive Hollywood movie icon Evelyn Hugo is finally ready to tell the truth about her glamorous and scandalous life. Summoned to Evelyn's luxurious apartment, Monique listens in fascination as the actress tells her story. From making her way to Los Angeles in the 1950s to her decision to leave show business in the '80s, and, of course, the seven husbands along the way

That summer feeling by Bridget Morrissey -> Turns out you're never too old for a summer camp romance. Or a change of heart. When a divorced woman attends a sleepaway camp for adults only, she reconnects with a man from her past - only to catch feelings for his sister instead.

Some of these are my absolute favourites, I've lost count of how many times I've read them. I cannot get enough of "the bright falls series", "One the same page", "Those who wait", "The secret of you and me" and the last entry "Falls From Grace". No matter how many times I read them. And sometimes I wish I could read them again, as if for the first time, if that makes sense. Anyway, I have a lot more titles. Let me know if you want them or not. Enjoy the reading

[thefanboyhub]

More random HeadCannons for the SBG gang because yes:

Aiden has two different music tastes. The goofy kind (party rocks for example) and then the "oh shit, he's depressed" kind. Think Pierce The Veil, Melanie Martinez, Get Scared, any kind of "I'm fucked up" kind of music.

Ashlyn listens to a lot of classical and instrumental music or like indie alternative kind of stuff. Think James Marriott, Fish in a Birdcage, ECT.

Tyler listens to guitar heavy stuff (like I said last time I did this shit) but he really likes rock/metal kind of stuff. Think Get Scared, Limp Bizkit, Three days Grace, Pierce The Veil, that kind of stuff.

Taylor listens to more upbeat things. She also likes classic pop (Gwen Stacy, Shakira, ECT.) Think Britney Spears.

Ben listens to everything and anything. It depends on his mood how much energy he has the vibes he feels ECT.

Logan shockingly listens to rock. He'll say he's a Fish In a Birdcage girly (which he is but he likes Get Scared and Nickelback more) but he is lying. He wants that head bangers that drown out everything while he zooms into shit.

Tyler would be the worst with road rage when driving.

Logan would be the most normal about driving.

Taylor would be scared at first and relax afterwards while Ben is not relaxed and generally hates driving.

Aiden is shockingly the best driver???

Ashlyn is actually decent at driving when a giant monster isn't trying to kill her and her friends.

Tayler tried to become friends with Ashlyn when they were little but it uh... Failed.

Creator has confirmed Ashlyn is autistic and has kind of said Logan has OCD and Aiden has ADHD I believe. I would like to add to this by saying: Ashlyns autism is more on the social aspect, less on the texture and touch, and HEAVY on sound aspect. Logan's OCD gets worse the more stressed he is, his obsession is intrusive thoughts and the need to be perfect at anything academic, his compulsion is auto cannibalism(chewing not his nails but the skin around them, his lips, inside his mouth, and time took a tiny chunk out his hand) and finding work to do. Aiden's ADHD is very low in the aggression and anger, he does still have it but his ADHD is more on the social and focus stuff. Aiden also has an adrenaline addiction and depression. He also has an addictive personality.

Taylor and Tyler are intersex. It's only on the hormonal level but it's still there. (Do you see the vision???)

Ben hates that he's mute. He does and doesn't have a choice in it. He wants to speak often but something just stops him, it's like a part of him has his hands around his throat just like the day he lost his voice.

Logan is actually really competitive but it has to be something he's good at to really get him going. Tyler found that out during trivia game in the back of one of these classes (they decided to not pay attention and okay a random Kahoot. Logan won.)

It is also confirmed Tyler would be in cosmetology if it want for the scholarship baseball gives him. SO. He dyes Aiden hair, he and Taylor has dyed purple hair at one point. He knows how to do piercings, he did his and his sisters. He has more than her (nose and all ear pericings possible).

None of the group is hetero. None. Ashlyn is the closest to it and that's just cuz she's be Demiromantic and heterosexual. Ben comes in second place for that and that because he's bi but female leaning cuz men scare him. (He be the opposite of most people lmao) Aiden is Pan but doesn't really understand it. Tayler is unlabeled cuz she just likes whoever the fuck. Tyler is a literal raging Bi but doesnt think about it cuz he be busy. And Logan is most likely gay or that one thing that's attracted to like masculinity.

Remember that one scene of Ashlyn popping her bones? Tyler has that when he wakes up in the mornings. He does sports. He gonna snap crackle pop.

Aiden has only had four hospital visits before, he actually more careful then people give him credit for. That and Ben stops him a lot.

Ben sticks closer to Aiden even more now because he heard and saw him die.

Aiden and Ben's sister bully each other.

Tyler once had someone ask him out randomly and he was so confused so he was like "Uhm... No? I think?" Because he was up late trying to help his mom pay bills the night before and didn't understand what she said. The baseball team would not stop bullying him for that the rest of their freshman year.

Taylor had an emo phase in middle school which made Tyler follow suit. They were emos in middle school, I know they were. The hair says it all.

The group has two sets of matching outfits that they wear randomly and somehow always wear on the same days without even communicating it. S

Ashlyn becomes a big baby on her period and me willingly let's Adien and or Tyler carry her around. Taylor just gets really mean and aggressive (becomes Tyler 2.0 frfr) or just cries randomly and it stresses our boys out.

Ashlyn knows baby sign language so she can understand some stuff Ben says to Aiden when they us ASL thinking the group isn't paying attention.

Logan writes fanfiction. I'm not elaborating.

Tyler and Taylor both were princesses one holloween and literally everyone thought they was a third one, making them triplets. People from their middle school that go to their current school still ask if their other sister is doing okay and Tyler dies inside a little every time.

Tyler hates mayonnaise. I feel like he'd hate it.

Ashlyn hates Tartar sauce. Like she will punch anyone who tries to give it to her.

Aiden forgets to eat a lot and has to eat timers to remember.

They all share clothes but Aiden and Ashlyn share more than everyone else. Specifically with each other. They trade a lot.

Logan is constantly missing his sweaters because of Ashlyn stealing them.

They all signed each other shoes on the inner left ones with their initials.

Ben tried not to stick out as much as possible because of trauma.

Logan is edging into his emo phase soon. He'd be the fancy emo, more like and e boy but less cringe.

Aiden worships Lady Gaga. No further explanation.

Everyone gives Aiden the side eye when he plays party rockers (party walkers). He just vibes. (He's actually trying to keep the memory of Ashlyn face in his brain so he doesn't fail her again.)

Taylor has a middle school relationship with a girl one time. It ended cuz she moved away and Taylor was like a sad puppy for two weeks.

That's all bye now

[harrysdaydream-tpwk]

part 1 - how you meet

summary: part one, harry and y/n meet for the first time. it isn’t smooth sailing, but shes intrigued.

warnings: none

pairing: harry styles x fem!reader

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Fuck, shit!”, you swore, hitting the espresso maker, once and then again, when the only thing it did was to spew more steam at you, fogging up your glasses.

“You alright?”, one of your coworkers asked and you nodded, though defeated.

“You think you can take over preparing the drinks for me, while I’ll handle the register? If I have to fight this machine one more time, something will be broken and it will either be my hand or the coffeemaker.” You looked at him desperately, your hands folded together in a silent plea.

“Alright, alright”, he laughed, “Don’t want to call an ambulance because you couldn’t control your anger. At least I won’t have to deal with asshole customers anymore.” He passed you and you blew him a bunch of exaggerated kisses before sliding right behind the cash register, slightly more motivated to finish the rest of your shift than before.

It was unusually quiet for Friday afternoon, normally all of the tables would’ve been taken- from desperate college students trying to finish their essays to single mothers, hoping to rekindle their failed love life. Although the job was a pain in your ass and barely covered all the bills and loans you had to pay off, it always had something to offer for your personal entertainment.

But now, as you waited for something to happen, other than the few fifteen years olds throwing straws at each other in the corner booth, you felt terribly bored. Your elbows quickly found their way to the counter and you put your chin in your waiting hands, blowing a strand of hair out of your face.

The nameless indie music idling out of the speakers above your head lulled you in a state of trance as you stared at the passer-by’s outside of the store, the big glass front not sparing you any detail. Even your coworker, who was the only employee inside the store besides you, had sat down on a few cases of soda stacked together, blasting TikTok and its annoying sounds throughout the whole store, but in this moment you couldn’t care less.

Then, suddenly, you were ripped out of your daydreaming by the bell ringing above the door and you stood up fast, startling not only the newcomers, but yourself as well.

“Hey, welcome in. Is there anything I can get started for you?”, you asked, peering at the three men, who just stared for a moment, as if assessing the situation. Weird.

The place you worked at was in a small side street, away from the bigger crowds, with quirky names for almost all of the things you had on your menu, so you gave your new customers a second to understand and choose something from your assortment.

Before you could turn away and pretend to be busy, one of them spoke up, though quietly, you could barely hear him.

“Hi. Sorry, we didn’t expect such an enthusiastic greeting. Is there anything you would recommend?” His voice was deep and gentle and you couldn’t help but admit that he looked exactly like the kind of man you would usually go for.

“I don’t know”, you reply, your voice now back to its usual octave and enthusiasm- or rather the lack thereof, “I usually just get the Iced Caramel Macchiato.”

To this day, you still refused to read any of the actual names of the drinks out loud.

“I’ll take that one then”, the man said, smiling at you. You nod as you type his order into your register.

“Anything else?”, you asked, smiling your “customer service smile” as your friends jokingly called it and the other two men nodded, replying with their orders.

“Alright, will that be to-go or are you staying in?” You waited for a second while they looked at each other and thought to yourself “That question couldn’t have been that hard”.

Finally, the guy with the long, brown hair mumbled “To go, please.”

“Okay then, swipe your card whenever you’re ready. And I need a name to call when your coffee is done.”

“Harry”, the guy who spoke to you first replied and stepped forward, pressing his card on the card reader. You nodded satisfied.

You turned around briefly, to check if you coworker, Charlie, got the order. Pleased that he was already on it, you directed your gaze back to the front of the store. Startled, you reeled back. Harry, who was the only one still standing in front of the counter, was starting at you intently. The other two had fallen back, standing near the door, as if they were waiting- no rather watching out for something- or someone.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?”, you inquired, observing how his shoulders rode up defensively. He was wearing a long, blue jacket, a hat and sunglasses and if you were honest, his outfit looked absolutely ridiculous. Paired with the black nike shorts, he looked a bit mismatched, like he was unsure whether it was warm out or not. You could’ve easily answered that question, seeing as you had been sweating profusely since you left your studio apartment this morning.

You were sure you looked disgusting, your uniform clinging uncomfortably to the body parts you most certainly didn’t want them to stick to, mascara probably smudged from the humidity from the steam that had been blowing in your face earlier.

How he managed to still look fresh, even with the thick jacket on was an absolute mystery to you.

“No, no, sorry. I like your button”, he answered, referring to the grumpy cat pin your mother had gifted you a while ago. It was ridiculous and cheesy, but it reminded you of home, so you wore it anytime you felt even slightly homesick. You debated telling him as much, but you weren’t up for much of a conversation, so you settled on a polite “Thank you.”

He smiled and nodded.

“Order for Harry?”, Charlie called and the man looked around, rather paranoid, as if he was scared someone was going to jump up from behind the counter any second.

“That’s me”, he said, still shyly smiling at you before turning towards the pick-up station.

“Have a nice day”, you called out sarcastically behind him and he waved, walking out the door, his company joining soon after.

You exhaled deeply and turned towards Charlie again, who suddenly squealed loudly. “Oh my God, what?”, you said, clutching your hand over your chest.

“Do you know who that was?”, he asked, excitedly, “Harry fucking Styles. And I think he liked you with all that staring he did.”

“No, it wasn’t. Was it?”, you asked disbelievingly. He nodded, “Oh, yeah. It was him. I’d recognize him anywhere. I think he’s actually having a show in town tonight.”

“But why would he come in here out of all places? I mean, we’re far away from anything slightly entertaining or fun.” You looked at Charlie quizzically.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, “Maybe that’s exactly the point. What are the odds of getting recognized by hoards of fans in a small shop like this?”

“I guess so.”

You grabbed a wet cloth from the sink, starting to wipe down the counter, not able to shake the fact that superstar Harry Styles just walked into your workplace, however annoyed you might’ve been at that moment, it had felt oddly right and somehow meaningful. You touched the pin on your apron carefully, smiling at the chipped feeling of the plastic fading at the edges.

-

Two days later, the incident- which was how Charlie kept calling it, was nothing but a fun story you could tell your friends and something to be teased about by your coworkers. Yes, you had been kind of rude to him, maybe you could’ve been a bit nicer. Treat People with Kindness or whatever he always preached. But it was in the past now. It wasn’t like you would ever see him again.

At least that’s what you told the part of yourself that kept insisting that maybe he would return- the nagging voice that believed Charlie, who kept shooting you meaningful glances whenever one of Harry’s songs played on the radio.

You were in a middle of a lunch rush, the small room of the shop packed with people, when your wishful thinking suddenly became reality. Right in the middle, as if the crowd had split in two, he appeared. Or maybe he had just entered through the door like everyone else did and patiently waited in line. You couldn’t be sure.

“Harry, hi”, you greeted sincerely, when he approached the counter, “What brings you back?” You smiled ruefully, thinking about your last interaction.

“Hi. Slightly better mood today, huh?” So he had picked up on it last time. Your eyes travelled down his body quickly- you couldn’t help it, sue you. He was wearing a white button down this time, messily tucked in a light washed pair of denim shorts- although he managed to make it look stylish- and no sunglasses. His hair was hidden by a yellow crochet bucket hat. Cute.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t know who you were and I wasn’t having a good day. What can I do for you today?”, you apologized.

“I think everyone deserves kindness, even if they weren’t popular. But it’s alright, can’t always be nice, especially in customer service. I get it, worked in a bakery for some time back at home.” He took his own shtick quite seriously you noted, but smiled politely.

“I would love to talk to you some more, but the place is packed right now. Is there anything I can get for you?”, you tried again.

“Yeah, yeah”, he chuckled, “I’ll get the Iced Caramel Macchiato again, it was really good the last time and also-“, he paused for a second, looking at your display of pastries, “One of the vegan carrot cakes, please.”

“Sure, anything else?”

“No, that’s all, thank you.”

You finish the transaction and say goodbye before tending to the next customer, a middle aged woman raising her eyebrows impatiently at you.

The rest of your shift goes by smoothly, with only a few minor incidents disrupting your flow. It all felt to good to be true, your interaction with Harry still in the back of your mind. The conversation had left you unsatisfied, craving more.

You didn’t know much about him, besides that he was Harry Styles and apparently currently on tour. He shared something with you and you couldn’t help but wonder if there would’ve been more if you had just let him talk. That’s what you reprimanded yourself for as you took of your apron and the shirt you wore for work in the locker rooms, pulling on a black hoodie with a nonsensical print on the front.

“I’ll see you tomorrow”, you yelled in the general direction of the store as you leave through the back door, a cigarette already waiting to be lit in your right hand. It was a bad habit and you were desperate to stop smoking- but on days like this it was the only thing keeping you sane.

“Hey”, a voice suddenly called and you shot up surprised, the cig almost falling out of your mouth. You took a quick drag before lowering it. Turning around, you spotted Harry of all people leaning against the wall of the back of your shop.

“Jesus Christ, what are you doing here?”, you asked disbelievingly, clutching your chest dramatically.

“Sorry, one of your coworkers told me what time you get off. They also told me your name”, he explained, peering at you with his green eyes. Fuck, why did he have to be so handsome?

“Stalker-much?”, you couldn’t help but ask, only half joking. You brought your cigarette up to your lips again, inhaling deeply, before blowing out the smoke through your nose- welcoming the rush the nicotine gave you.

“I just wanted the chance to have a conversation with you, Y/N”, he said, rolling his eyes, but smiling at the same time. It was weird hearing your name out of his mouth.

“Why?” He shrugged helplessly, observing you smoke for a second before answering.

“Fuck if I know. Couldn’t stop thinking about you, even on stage, and my friends kept teasing me. I’m in town until tomorrow, then I’m off to Cardiff.”

“Yeah, I get it. My coworker Charlie kept wagging his eyebrows at me everytime he saw someone wearing your merch. He was the one preparing the drinks for you.” You hoisted up your tote bag, which kept slipping of your shoulder.

Harry chuckled. “He did a pretty good job if I do say so myself. The Macchiato was really good. Cashier had some perks too though.”

“He’ll pass out if I tell him what you just said. But tell me more about this cashier. Were they cute?”, you flirted back, a smirk on your face.

“Oh, very. I was hoping it’d get her number by chance”, he tried as you threw the butt of your cigarette on the pavement, stomping it out with your checkered Vans.

“Well, you’re in luck. It’s not everyday an international pop-star asks me for my cell. Can’t resist your charm”, you said quietly. His shoulders dropped slightly, as if remembering his position in the world, but he caught himself.

Harry hands you his phone and says, “Just type it in yourself. It’s always easier this way.”

You nodded, taking his phone with clammy hands. What a weird, surreal world you were suddenly thrown into. The fact that he trusted you enough to just pass you his phone. The fact that he was standing opposite you, watching you, being interested in you. You wondered if this was all a dream you’d suddenly be woken up from.

But no one did. This was reality, you realized as you pressed the cellphone back into his waiting hand, brushing it with the movement. You looked at each other for a moment.

“The cute girl from the coffee place? Really?”, he asked and you giggled. Honest to God giggled. What has your life become?

Harry pocketed his phone, letting his hands hang loosely at his sides. “Well”, he cleared his throat, “I have to go. Rehearsals and all that. I’m already too late. I’ll text you?” He looked at you hopefully.

“Sure”, you answered, smiling softly, “I’ll be waiting.” You step closer, standing on your tiptoes and pressed a light kiss to his cheek- a barely there brush of lips, but he still blushed.

“I’ll see you around, H.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

well, this marks the first part of my first ever series on this account. i’m actually so excited to see what people think. don’t forget to leave a like& follow for more<3 stay tuned!

[nogenderbee]

Hi! I just discovered your blog and I love it so much! I was wondering if you could do Rui, Tsukasa, Emu, Shizuku, and Minori with a reader that has a hard time showing emotion and expressing themself due to a rough childhood? You can think of it like a Mafuyu situation where she was forced to be perfect and therefore locked her true emotions away in order to please everybody. Thanks in advance!

Of course! I don't know if you meant that reader also hides their true self so I choosed that they don't! Feel free to tell me if you had something different in mind tho... And of course I hope you enjoy this! <3

Minori, Shizuku, Tsukasa, Emu, Rui with reader who hardly shows emotions

TagList: @bleachtheidiot @yulikesminori @qwnelisa @alicewinterway18 @kuzui5201314 @indi-has-fallen @vodka-glrl

⊱ Minori started or be worried when she first met you and when she noticed that you weren't fully able to express yourself... but of course she didn't wanted to come off as mean by asking you personal questions like that

⊱ but when you became close, it kinda had to be out sooner or later and when it is, you can only expect her to comfort you as well as she can

⊱ when she first heard about your back story, she was running in circles around her house gathering items like blanket, sweets, comfort books/shows/music just so she can give you them in hopes to make you feel better

"Ah! YN, don't worry! I got you blanket, your favorite snack, drink, movie, song, book, comfy pillow and ud you need something more just tell me! It'll be alright, I promise! You need to believe in better tomorrow!"

⊱ but of course, beside comforting she also wants to help you however she can!

⊱ she's most likely to get and show you around her interests and places she likes in hopes that something will move your heart a little bit

⊱ as for your rough childhood... she really wanted to just go and talk with your parents but she stopped herself, not wanting bad opinion...

⊱ but if it were to come back... she may not insult them or anything but she'll definitely try her best to help you somehow! Key word... try... she's a bit too soft for this...

⊱ Shizuku is very caring but also pretty blunt... but she does notice that you're not smiling very often...

⊱ so of course she decides to ask you about it and she's both soft and straightforward with her question to you

⊱ if you tell her, that's when she realizes she needs to help her partner and make you smile again! She doesn't know where to start tho so she'll ask you for any kind of clues you may have

"Maybe something that made you happy as a child? Or something that recently made you feel warm on your chest?"

⊱ and now it's up to you if you decide to tell her about reason for your difficulty to express yourself but if you do, she'll listen calmly and give you comforting back rubs

⊱ and now with all those clues you gave her, she'll do her best to help you out! She'll start from little and simple things but will move onto more extreme things or anything she thinks might make you feel something

⊱ as for how she feels about your parents after discovering what they did... she's a bit upset at them and she decides to give you all the comfort and support you could need herself!

⊱ Tsukasa often tried putting smile on your face so of course he noticed quite quickly that all his tries failed... but he decided to not give up and eventually will even ask you about it

⊱ when you tell him you have trouble showing emotions, he became frozen... and that's when he made it his goal to help you with it!

⊱ he started with all his favorite things, then his sister's, then his friends and late, he started even asking strangers! So it's safe to say he tried or suggested to try every activity he could think of

⊱ but if everything fails... he disagrees to give up and finally decides to have a talk with you about it, he didn't wanted to be presistant but he sees no other choice...

"Hey, YN... I don't want to force you to anything so you don't have to answer but... is there something that I'm missing? Is there something more behind your difficulty to express yourself?"

⊱ if you decide to tell him, he somehow gets you... and of course if you still live with your parents, he'll try to hangout with you as often as he can so you can take your mind off them and maybe that'll help?

⊱ there's also a chance he'll be less friendly to your parents... he won't be completely mean to them but he may be a bit more cold than he's to most people

⊱ Emu definitely noticed your lack of showing emotions almost immidietly, and when she greeted you with "Wonderhoy" she only was more sure of that

"Y/N! Wonderhoy!"

"Won...der...hoy?"

"Yes! But say it witch true smile, Y/N! C'mon!"

"Wonderhoy..."

"Eeek!! Just like Miss Asahina..."

⊱ yeah that situation scared her... but when you two eventually got close she was trying to make you smile but it always had this strange feeling to it

⊱ so of course when you got even closer, she tried and tried but eventually decided to talk with you and now it's up to you if you decide to tell her~

⊱ if you don't, she'll continue trying to make you laugh, smile or anything just like she did

⊱ if you do though, she'll immidietly try to comfort you by putting performacne using few of her plushies and acting with them

⊱ she also thinks of more creative ways to make you smile and if she got at least a small grin from you, she'll think of something related to just that thing to get even better reaction!

⊱ I know I'm repeating but he IS very observant! So he immidietly picked on the fact you have problems while expressing emotions, maybe not on full emotionless but it's always something!

⊱ now, he won't approach this topic himself so the only way he can know that for sure is by you telling him

⊱ and when you do tell him, he'll make sure to make a note about everything that made you show even a bit of emotions, be it positive or negative, it's always something!

⊱ and with those little notes, he'll try to think of something similar but to also cause bigger reaction from you

"Hey darling, would you mind coming here for a second? I think my newest invention is ready to be tested~ And it has to be tasted by no one else than you!"

⊱ as for what caused that... he'll listen if you decide to tell him but don't expect him to stay calm. He's absolutely pissed off at your parents for what they did to you

⊱ so if you still live with them, he'll tell you that he'll be happy to have you her whenever and for as long as you want. You don't even need to ask him for permission as his answer always will be positive!

❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉⊱•═•⊰❉

[geroge2]

(SPOILERS) The Coffin of Andy and Leyley: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Compartmentalise

C/W: Death, Gore, Cannibalism, Incest

Spoilers for the whole game! If you don't care/haven't played it, I've included a plot summary as it's necessary to follow most of what I'm saying.

Preface

Before anything, I want to clear up some misconceptions you may have about this game. It’s commonly memed about due to the relationship between the two sibling protagonists. I’m not going to argue that there aren’t incestuous undertones (and at a few points, overtones), but I want it to be said that there is a lot more to this game than just cheap shock value.

I’ll admit I picked up this game specifically because it seemed so weird. I’ve always been partial to RPGMaker games (LISA and OMORI are two of my favourite games, ever) and seeing a widely memed about, dialogue heavy indie rpg? Sign me up! Basically, I wanted to see for myself whether the game was actually good, or if its controversial elements carried it to stardom. My conclusion; yup. I don't really have a specific focus here; I mainly just want to cover the various angles of Andrew and Ashley's relationship.

Also, I apologise for the length of the plot summary. I tried my best to shorten it, but there are lots of little moments that I need to specifically reference later. Bear with me.

Key/Explanations

I’ll be using a lot of quotes in this essay. Because many of these are back-and-forths, I decided to clearly identify which character is saying what. So, pink means Ashley, green means Andrew, yellow means Mum. If there is text that has no quotation marks, but is coloured, it’s the characters internal narration. Hope that makes things easier to read!

I mention the Burial and Decay routes on occasion. I’ll elaborate on them here; when you’re preparing the ritual to sacrifice your parents, you can choose to either let Andrew stay with them and set it up, or set it up yourself (as Ashley). Choosing the former results in a conversation between Andrew and Mum, wherein she’ll offer an olive branch. Accepting this results in the Decay route, a route which is characterised by Andrew’s indifference to their future and his coldness towards Ashley. Declining results in the Burial route, wherein Andrew maintains his general composure and his care for Ashley. Also, choosing to set up the ritual as Ashley also results in the Decay route with only some minor dialogue changes and a unique conversation.

I mention Room 302 a few times as well. This is the room where Andrew holds the woman hostage, who he later kills. I bring this up quite a few times, so keep it in mind.

Plot Summary

Andrew and Ashley are two siblings living in an apartment together. They have been quarantined for an indeterminate amount of time due to some parasite they allegedly have and are nearly starving to death. The two hear their neighbour play loud music and they cross the balcony gap to investigate. They witness him performing a satanic ritual, but he fails. They watch some TV before falling asleep. Ashley reminisces in her dreams. She remembers her mum leaving them, a nurse taking their blood, and their mum telling her not to call them anymore. The next day, Ashley decides to clean up the house, but collapses from exhaustion. Andrew takes her to the couch, and while half asleep, she hears him talking to his girlfriend, who dumps him. Some time later, Andrew and Ashley are laying in their living room. They hear their neighbour again, alongside a strange roar. They witness him summon a demon that then kills him. They decide to cannibalise him, transporting his body into their freezer and cooking and eating one of his limbs. Ashley goes to sleep while Andrew cleans up. While dreaming, she recalls a time when she convinced Andrew to bring Nina, a friend of hers who likes him, to a warehouse so they could trap her for a while to scare her away. Andrew is reluctant, but Ashley insists. When Ashley traps Nina in a chest, Andrew tries to convince her to just let her out, but Ashley manipulates him into leaving her there. She’s awoken by Andrew, who can’t sleep, and goes to sleep next to Ashley.

The next day, they return to the cultist's apartment. The warden knocks on the door, and hearing no response, presumes the cultist dead. Andrew goes to distract the warden at their apartment door while Ashley cleans up the blood. When the warden opens the door, Ashley hides in a closet. He finds her, and Andrew kills him. Before they leave, he tells her to never speak of this to anyone, threatening her. Ashley lashes back, and Andrew apologises, telling her he’s stressed. They concoct a plan to escape; try summoning the demon that killed the cultist again, and offer the other warden as a sacrifice. While checking out the floor below them, they encounter a woman in Room 302. Andrew threatens her with the cleaver to call the other warden up to the cultists room. He stays with her while Ashley goes to summon the demon. Ashley is successful and receives a talisman which will give her prophetic visions. She goes back to meet up with Andrew, finding him alone and the woman dead. He tells her that he let the woman go, but she tried to shoot him with a nail gun and so he killed her. Ashley accuses Andrew of trying to sleep with the woman. This causes an argument. which spirals, climaxing when Ashley absolves herself of any wrongdoing and claims Andrew has done everything of his own free will. Andrew threatens to kill her, but Ashley says that she’s the only one he can talk to. The two reconcile with each giving a stipulation. Andrew doesn’t want to be called Andy, and Ashley wants it to be just the two of them. They escape the apartment together.

Some time later, the two are sitting at a cafe. They’ve been living at a motel. Ashley has a vision that night of a hitman killing them both, so she wakes Andrew up and they leave. She decides to wait to ambush the hitman with the gun they stole from the warden. They take everything from their motel room, and Andrew shoots the hitman in a nearby park. They steal his car. Ashley suggests robbing their parents, to which Andrew reluctantly agrees. She says they should kill them as well, which he isn’t keen on. While asleep in the car, Ashley recalls the two finding Nina dead. Ashley is unbothered while Andrew panics. The two go to bury the body, with Ashley blackmailing Andrew into being friends with her, else she tell everyone their secret. Andrew reprimands her, telling her he already liked her. Ashley is awoken in a car park near their parents' home.

They break into their parents' home, finding them to be richer than they remember. When their mum unexpectedly arrives home, Andrew converses with her. He tells her that they’ll cook dinner. They have dinner with their parents, and while cleaning up, Ashley attempts to convince Andrew to sacrifice their parents to recharge the talisman. While asleep on the couch, Andrew has a dream, recalling his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, his cannibalism of the cultist, and the corpses of the people he's killed. Ashley wakes up Andrew on the couch, and they bring their parents to the basement. They summon the demon, presumably killing them. While untying them, Andrew finds them to still be breathing and panics, so Ashley kills them. Ashley notes Andrew's apathy while they clean up. Before they leave, they decide to get another vision. Ashley falls asleep, and either gets a vision recalling her life and her relationship with Andrew (Burial) or is chased by Andrew, who then kills her (Decay). Regardless, the two leave to dump the bones into the ocean.

Codependency

Andrew and Ashley are hopelessly codependent. This is both alluded to (i.e when Andrew’s girlfriend breaks up with him) and made very clear through their dialogue. After they butcher and eat the cultist, Andrew wakes Ashley up because he can’t sleep and sleeps next to her that night, which is implied to be a regular occurrence. Throughout the game, Andrew struggles to cope with his actions and their tumultuous future, often talking out his problems with a relatively unbothered Ashley. After their first argument he tells her “It’s……….. I’m stressed out, Leyley.” and when she gives him the silent treatment in the car, he attempts to apologise but is rebuked. Andrew’s reliance on Ashley to cope with his guilt is something both of them are very aware of: “I’m the only one you can talk to. I’m the only one who can make it go away!” “Fancy that. When you’re the reason I can’t sleep in the first place.”. Andrew has always struggled to say no to his sister; in the past, he was reluctant to trap Nina, and tried to convince Ashley to let her out of the chest. Ashley gets his compliance through emotional manipulation “It’s not fair! Why does everyone like her better? I’m loud and weird and annoying and no one likes me at all!”  ”...I like you better LeyLey.” “Prove it. Liar”. This codependency is only furthered when they bury the body; “You’re a bad person Andy. But I won’t tell anyone… So let’s always be friends. Okay?”. Andrew is “stuck” with her (a motif repeated throughout the game). In the present, he is quick to dismiss Ashley’s idealistic plans, pointing out how they can’t stay at their parents house after the murder or use their IDs. However, he still goes along with the majority of her schemes, even if they’re dangerous (i.e killing the hitman). This indicates the level of influence she still has over him; during their argument in Room 302, she insists that “you chose me! YOU CHOSE ME! ME!!”, referring to the Nina incident, which incites Andrew enough to threaten to kill her. His eventual refusal to do so shows us two things; that he still feels intense guilt over Nina’s death, and that he needs Ashley to deal with it. 

While Ashley is the more assertive of the two, this doesn’t mean she’s any less dependent than Andrew. She’s shown to be incredibly possessive of Andrew (who she prefers to call “Andy”), getting intense jealousy whenever he receives or gives attention to another woman. This is what incites her to trap Nina; “What do I do about these hussies around you…”, as well as sparking the argument in Room 302; “Andrew shoots his load, while I risk getting shot by the warden!”.  She even mentions this in the Decay route after they sacrifice their parents; “I don’t know. What do you keep me around for?? I’m certainly no pretty lady. You can’t even fuck me.”. Her contract with Andrew demonstrates this perfectly: “And thus, she forever keeps her mouth shut.” “Only as long as you keep your eyes closed!”. Ashley holds all the power on the surface; she’s the one who can reveal this truth, showing indifference to the truth of Nina’s death being revealed; “So what? “No one likes me anyway.”. But when it comes down to it, she needs Andrew just as much as he needs her. While the emotional manipulation she uses on Andrew is obviously bad, it’s clear that Ashley herself believes what she’s saying; “God! You stupid, stupid girl. I’ve been here this whole time….. None of this needed to happen, you could’ve just–” “I KNOW YOU DON’T LIKE ME!! Andy, I know. But that doesn’t matter anymore. Because from now on, no one will like you either!”. She blackmails Andrew because she genuinely believes this is the only way to get him to like her, ignoring his complaints. The current Ashley is certainly more deliberately manipulative than her past self, but as we see with her stipulation, Andrew’s undivided attention is still the most important thing to her. There is no Leyley without Andy.

Idealisation

“Andy” and “Leyley” are more than just nicknames; they are used by the siblings to refer to distinct versions of themselves. This difference is most pronounced in Andrew; whenever we see the two in flashbacks, they are “Andy” and “Leyley” but Andrew is quick to show his disdain for the nickname whenever Ashley tries to call him it. After killing the warden, he decides to play along, but when they leave the apartment, his one stipulation is that she never calls him “Andy” again (which she deliberately breaks again and again). In his own words,  “Okay, but I’m not gonna be Andy anymore. He’s so… spineless. And I hate Leyley like you wouldn’t believe… She better stay and die here with Andy. So you and I can leave.”. Andrew associates “Andy” with a prior version of himself; calling him “spineless” implies that he intends to stand up to Ashley more than he did in the past, and he makes it clear that to him, there is a clear distinction between the two and their nicknames. When she calls him Andy in the motel, he responds with “Go for it! Though you’re going to find me a lot less accommodating than Andy.”.  This is what sparks their big argument in the car; “Oh c’mon! It’s just a joke.” “Like I don’t know you Ashley! You’ve pulled this shit before… You’ll keep going “Andy “Andy” until I get tired of correcting you. And suddenly it’s “Andy and Leyley and Stupid Bullshit” all over again.”. He confronts her again while they’re washing the dishes at their parent’s house; “I agreed to behave, and you agreed it’s just us now.” “Funny. Because I remember agreeing to bury Andy and Leyley.”. Andrew wants to use their new life on the run as a fresh start of sorts; to be a different, better version of himself. But Ashley doesn’t.

Ashley is naturally opposed to Andrew’s stance. She adores “Andy”, not just the nickname, but the ideal of Andy. Of the brother who loves her more than anyone else, who helps her out whenever she needs it, who agrees with her no matter what. While Andrew tries to push himself away from this mould, Ashley wants him to stay firmly within it. This dynamic has existed for some time prior to the events of the game; “I told you to stop calling me that. We’re not kids anymore.”.  Despite agreeing to his stipulation, she continually pushes his boundaries, trying to slip it into conversation like in the motel (which he instantly rebukes) and later into the conversation during dinner with their parents. She wants Andrew to be just like they were when they were kids, when they were doing their “Andy and Leyley” adventures. It’s no coincidence that after they eat the cultist (the inciting incident), Ashley reminds Andrew of their past; “Hey Andy? Remember when we used to go on adventures. Andy and Leyley’s quest for something-or-another. Remember?” “W-why bring this up…?” “Isn’t this just another one of those?”. She’s still treating everything like just another adventure, which gets on Andrew’s nerves after he kills the warden; “Ashley. I am not in the mood for your shit right now.”. While washing dishes, Andrew asserts that “Well guess what? Andy is dead.” with Ashley responding that “..... You’re right. I really don’t like Andrew.”. Andrew wants to bury Andy, while Ashley wants him to be Andy forever. But what she can’t (or won’t) understand is that there is no Andy. Not like she wants.

Desensitisation

Throughout the game, Andrew slowly gets more and more desensitised to both his and Ashley’s actions. He’s careful by nature, and quick to panic when things get out of control. He retches when eating the cultist, and struggles to sleep that night. But as time goes on, as more people die, he starts to lose his sense of humanity. In fact, he begins to become more and more like Ashley, something that she notices; I don’t know… something is shifting. I don’t really like it…... What’s interesting is that Ashley doesn’t want Andrew to be like her. No matter what route you take, Ashley picks up on Andrew’s nonchalance when cleaning up their parents' bodies. Andrew continues casually butchering your parents. Incidentally, there’s a knot in your stomach OR “Having regrets?” “Would I be allowed to say so, if I did?”  “I love you Andy. I love you. I love you. I love  you. I’m sorry for lashing out earlier. I forgot how hard this is for you.” “I’m fine.” “No you’re not, talk to me.” “………. I’ve got nothing to say to you”. Andrew continues casually butchering your parents. And for the first time in forever, you have no idea what he’s thinking. During his vision in the Burial route, we see his ex-girlfriend Julia. Andrew says that; “You’ll never see her again. And the fact that it doesn’t really bother you, bothers you”. Andrew isn’t just becoming desensitised to murder and cannibalism, he’s becoming desensitised to everything, as demonstrated by his nonchalance at the bridge. Ashley later shows relief when Andrew can’t sleep; “Oh, you still can’t sleep? For a moment there I thought you’d changed.”, followed up by his eulogy at the bridge where she wonders Maybe you have changed after all…. Meanwhile, in the Decay route, after she has the vision of Andrew murdering her, she calls him Andy and hopes that he doesn’t react. He initially doesn’t but when she asks why he doesn’t say “I love you” back, he says: “You keep calling me by some other guy’s name. What do you expect?”. This is the natural consequence of Ashley’s desire for her Andy; as Andrew goes along with her plans, he becomes less like the Andy she wants. These incredibly stressful situations either result in him snapping (Room 302) or no longer caring (their parents). And these exact situations cause the only thing keeping him together to fracture and tear.

Responsibility

No matter what seems to happen, Andrew tries to maintain some form of a moral compass. He tries to justify his cannibalism to Ashley: “I was too hungry to think straight, okay??”. But as Ashley points out, whether he feels bad about it or not, he did it.  “What do you want me to do about it? Woosh woosh! there goes my magic wand! There. I’ve absolved you of your sins! You never took a bite now.”. This is Andrew’s most potent coping mechanism, the one thing that seems to keep him sane despite everything; no matter what, he is not fully responsible for what he’s done. When they argue in Room 302, he denies Ashley’s innocence; “I’m all innocent. I’ve not harmed a single soul!” “Of course not! YOU MAKE ME DO IT FOR YOU!!”. While this allows him to maintain some composure, the obvious guilt he carries reveals his true feelings; he is aware of what he’s done and what it means. But he maintains that fragile defence, the last thing that he needs to hold on to not to lose himself; part of their twisted, complex relationship is that Andrew needs Ashley to share the blame. But it’s a ticking time bomb. The big turning point for when he seems to fully accept his responsibility, is after they sacrifice their parents. They are revealed to still be breathing, causing Andrew to panic, but Ashley kills them. And she catches something; “Surely, he’ll bitch and moan as per usual. But you did not miss that sigh of relief”. Relief at the death of his parents. Until now, Andrew always had a defence for his murders, as we see in his dream; You killed this one to protect Ashley. No regrets.; Ashley would’ve wanted to kill this one anyway. You couldn’t leave any witnesses after all.; This one you had to get before he got you.. But he’s run out of excuses. He nonchalantly hacks away at their bodies and disposes of their remains, something which even Ashley is uncomfortable with. The way he drags his bloody finger down her face is very reminiscent of her doing the same thing when Andrew can’t sleep after they eat the cultist. The roles are deliberately reversed here. Ashley is turning Andrew into a monster. Or maybe he’s letting her.

Neglect

While Andrew is slowly changing, Ashley, on the other hand, was never bothered by the murders, or the cannibalism, or just about anything. We see this in the past too; after Nina dies, she reacts with cold indifference; “If you’re so weak that you die just like that, then clearly nature doesn’t want you to live.”. This brings us into a nature versus nurture argument; was Ashley’s upbringing the cause of her personality, or was it intrinsic to her? To do that, we have to understand why Ashley is so fiercely possessive of Andrew. We don’t see a great deal of their childhood, but we can piece a lot together from short scenes and implications. The game establishes early on that Ashley has a bad relationship with her mum; “Please don’t call me anymore. I won’t answer…………… G-goodbye, Ashley…”. This is expanded upon in the car, when it’s revealed that Andrew knows their parents’ new address; “.... She actually told you the address?? Huh.. the only thing she told me was to stop calling her.”. The conversations Andrew has with their mum makes things very clear; he gets along well enough with her to piss Ashley off; “Hell, since you think everything is all good, why not stay here and play happy family some more??”, and of course, Andrew has to convince her otherwise; “Listen, I chose you, didn’t I? I chose you.”. And in her vision during the Burial route, we see a representation of the events up until this point with plushies. Her parents and Andrew are at the dinner table, while she’s alone in the corner. Even if you try and put her plushie on a chair, it just falls off. 

We are given more context in a hidden scene you can find in the Decay route. Ashley finds a present in her vision, which reminds her of one of her birthdays; “Hey Andy? Isn’t it interesting that when it’s your birthday, you have your classmates come over and stuff… But when it’s my birthday, we can never afford anything?”. When Andrew suggests buying a cake, Ashley responds with “Nah… it’s not like my friends would show up anyway…. They’re always busy when I ask for anything. Even when I haven’t said the date yet…”. After Andrew uses his pocket money to buy some lemon muffins, he tells her to wish for something. She wishes that “my brother loses all his friends and never finds love!”. This scene is really, really interesting because of how normal Ashley is in it. She isn’t concocting some scheme, or manipulating Andrew. She’s just a kid who’s sad on her birthday, and looks to her brother to comfort her. It’s for this reason that I think you can view this scene as a turning point of sorts; when Ashley gives up on depending on anyone except Andrew. That’s certainly what her wish suggests. This is further supported by a conversation Andrew has with his mum if Ashley leaves him to set up the ritual; “I wanted to apologise to you. For always making you look after her. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry I made you raise her. I thought you were getting along, so I didn’t want to see what was happening. And for that, I apologise.”. Ashley’s neglect was not incidental, but purposeful; her mum let Andrew deal with her and ignored their growing dependency.

Now we have a much better idea of who Ashley is, and why. Ashley had these almost sociopathic tendencies as a child (as seen with Nina), but blaming her isn’t really fair. Ashley was completely and utterly failed by her parents. Her mum delegated the burden of raising a child to Andrew, while ignoring the worrying signs she developed. If Ashley stays in the basement to set up the ritual, her mum admits she was aware of Nina’s murder; “I never told anyone what you two little psychos did to that girl.”. Their mum is characterised by inaction; she admits she’s a fuck up to Andrew, but it doesn’t change a thing. Ashley’s lack of parental affection and her inability to get along with her peers led to a loneliness that only Andrew could fix. It’s no surprise that her relationship with Andrew developed the way it did. Ashley is a victim of a much subtler form of child abuse, the type that isn’t dramatised or talked about as often, but can be just as devastating. Ashley didn’t have to be a monster.

That’s It?

We’re left at a precipice; these two fundamentally broken people who can only find comfort in each other. Unfortunately, the game isn’t currently finished. We don’t get to see how the branching Burial or Decay routes go, or even how Andy and Leyley’s final adventure ends. But I still think there’s a lot to say about this little RPGMaker game made by one dude. How it examines these complex themes; the toxic nature of codependency, the unhealthy escapism of idealisation. How desensitisation can be inevitable, and how people use mental gymnastics to escape the weight of their actions. And how monsters aren’t born, they’re made, sometimes in more subtle and insidious ways. I think that’s all really worth talking about.

Postface

I haven’t written a structured essay in a long time, so I hope my rustiness didn’t show too badly. I’m not exactly sure why I felt so inclined to write all this about this specific game. It’s definitely a game I really enjoyed, and that strongly affected me emotionally. But I’ve played a decent amount of games like that in the past year or so. Maybe I just played it at a time that I needed some kind of creative outlet. Who knows.

Thanks for bearing with my indulgence.

[rindousbbg]

Hiii! Can I have a Tokyo Rev and JJK personality matchup?

My MBTI is INFP, I LOVE cats, snacking, fruit, anime, fashion, writing, reading, being cringey for jokes, satire, and Indie music.

I dislike witchy stuff, horror movies and the like, when people lie to make you happy, cleaning, raw tomatoes, and long eye contact.

Personality-wise, I'm rather Naive. Especially for my age. I'm very loving and sensitive, but anyone who doesn't know me will think I'm the most b*tchy, emotionless, dismissive, chick to exist. Honestly, I probably just need therapy, but I'm too broke for that. I simply struggle to be vulnerable around people that I'm not close to, but I always push people away, cuz how do I know if they actually like me and is not just trying to be nice?

I'm picky about who I'm friends with. Yet, anytime someone does the bare minimum for me, I get all soft-hearted, lovey-dovey, affectionate about them mentally. Not to their face.

I'm touched starved, but also physical touch scares me. Hug me rubbing my back, and I MIGHT cry.

My ideal type is a quiet guy. People say I need a sweet, quiet nerdy guy. Which I am MORE than okay with, but I noticed I lean more towards quiet, edgy guys that you can't tell what they're feeling, but that type may give me a heart attack. I don't like guys who think guys and girls can't be friends, who are disrespectful to other people for no reason, who dates for "fun", who can't compromise, or doesn't respect my beliefs. My love language is acts of service and I tend to go overboard often. Btw I'm black lol <3 Accidentally vented a bit

Here's your matchup...

You got....

Baji keisuke.

• okay first of all you love cats so instantly baji came into my mind.

• Baji would love to adopt cats with you. And being cat's parents.

• He would visually perceive through you, how much of an ingenuous and soft-hearted person you are.

• He would assure you or do some incoherently imbecilic things to make you realize he likes you. Since you push people away. He knows precisely how to deal. Though it would be hard at first.

• He would find it cool that you choose friends wisely.

• Baji doesn't like physical touch that much but infrequently holds your hand and sometimes if you feel low he runs your arm and pats your head.

• I won't say he's a silent guy but he's a nerd and failing school, if you are smart then please teach him.

• He's not sweet but his gestures prove otherwise.

• He's the type of boyfriend who's impulsive. You may never know whats going on inside his head.

• If your friend is saying something lamentable but sarcastically in front of you, he would just show a diminutively minuscule smile but inside he's already ready to burn your friend's house.

• Baji doesn't date at all, he is interested in that so dating for fun is a whole foreign concept.

• he might be a little disrespectful but not to harm others. He only derides people who are bullshit.

• He would compromise and understand you well. Might be hard for him at first but he will get the hang of it.

• He unintentionally does things to make you happy. He isn't even vigilant of it until Chifuyu points it out.

Here's your matchup...

You got..

Megumi Fushiguro.

 •Megumi would wonder why you are like this. Veraciously, Yuji and you would get along and then he would wonder who's causing the chaos.

• He would buy you books since you like them. Would listen to music with you.

• Even makes a playlist for you. And with some sweetest tittle. eg: "For (name), <33. Reminds me of you etc.

• He won't do anything that makes you affrighted or upset.

• Since you are naive, he would always look out for you.

• Will endeavor his best to comfort you even tho he is ineptly incompetent at comforting people. He's very straightforward and sometimes he would say some comforting words with the straightest face and then you burst out laughing.

• He would make you stop being hard on yourself and stick through thick and thin.

• Gives you the softest hug ever when he gets comfortable with you in a relationship.

• He is silent and most of the time nobody knows what's going on in his head but he's very expressive.

• Megumi is gentleman. He would do nothing to make you uncomfortable. And always putting you first.

• Would show his gratitude through simple gestures.

Hope you like it...

[davekat-sucks]

i was doing some research cause i wanted to get into indie dev cause i want to make one of my ideas into a visual novel, came across a video called Why 96% of Indie Games Fail on youtube and so much of it was about market optics. understanding your target demographic is really important when it comes to marketing and it got me thinking about homestucks current devs and how they dont get what made homestuck fun to begin with

The Homestuck devs probably only know the basic surface levels such as cool character designs and music, but don't know the deeper stuff such as the adventure dos game style the original comic was inspired from. Or the premise was more simple back then before it got big. After all, the beginning of Homestuck was just about 4 kids playing a game. Another is that some take the easy route, which is using visual novel gameplay as a means to pump it out faster. Not realizing there is a market to visual novels and there are different ways it is appealing to others, despite it's simple nature. There are ones that have mixture of other gameplays such as seen with Ace Attorney or Danganronpa. Another is story tied to it that invokes readers emotions such as crying whenever someone reads CLANNAD. Even something like sound novels, visual novels that only have music or sound effects in the background with no voice acting, can leave a lasting impression with a good story, as that's what made Higurashi successful despite having few resources. As well as the time and placement the series was released in. Homestuck was made with old flash in years 2009-16. They should have a better understanding of people who played flash games on sites like Newgrounds. How can you bring something old to new people who have never seen it? Henry Stickmin Collection was able to do well because they were able to weave the separate flashes into one. And the different choices of each one gives a lot of replay-ability as well for people who want to see every possibility. The most important thing that Homestuck devs struggle with the most as well is something that has been going on ever since Hussie had even released the Kickstarter game. And that is PR. Public Relations. I get that the series is based on fandom interactivity. But the problem lies when stuff like Andrew Hussie starts to antagonized the audiences. It may work for some, but not all, especially if you want to draw in new readers or players. This extends out to members of WhatPumpkin and HICU too. Certain members do not have self control on what they want to say or do on social media. Thus, they may end up looking bad or unfavorable to the crowd. Nobody is told to not post or share certain shit. Freedom is speech is one thing, but it's another when you are working on a project that needs to make money that whatever your post is tied what you are working on that people know. Even stuff like a political posts that is unrelated to the project, will make audiences assume of what the person is like and how it could affect the game. PR in a way, does go hand in hand with Marketing. Not only you have to research the right audiences, but you also have to have a good image too when showing off your project.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Most-Listened of March 2024

[last month]

This was such an exciting month of releases--Purplekiss, Day6, BLEACHERS?? Chung Ha gave us a couple of songs, Nina Suárez came back out of nowhere, Lucy dropped a single, OLIVIA RODRIGO IS BACK?? I've been super excited for the J-Hope album, too, but I haven't been emotionally ready to check it out, yet, since I want to have the energy to really love it! Not to mention the Seori EP-- PLUS Bol4 and StayC both dropped some covers of huge 2019 k-pop hits.

And that isn't all. The highlights of my month were seeing Bruce Springsteen (only my favorite artist ever.) and Gregory Alan Isakov in concert(s)! So honestly, I'm a little overwhelmed by just how exciting music is right now. (It doesn't help that this month gave me my first album of the year candidate, too!!) This post will be my opportunity to go a little wild, then :)

1. Leopardos -- Ine Güemes

I should not enjoy this listening experience as much as I do. That whistling noise should annoy me by now, after all these listens, right? ... Right? Nope. I love it. This song is so soothing, it's literally the musical equivalent of a deep breath.

2. Appaloosa Bones -- Gregory Alan Isakov

Concert prep + THE sulking song this month. Look, I'm a guy who needs my daily floor time (floor time. perhaps you require it.), and it always involves considerable sulking. (At this rate, you're gonna see a sulking song on this list every single month. It's a tradition now!) I've been losing it about "Was I that gone? / Man, I hope not / Glad you found me when you did" and "The pages slow / in the room I called your name" and "They haven't made no pill / To get us across the winter time" ...

3. All Things End -- Hozier

You know what ended? My eight-week class. *sigh of relief* All things end, truly! Now I just need the reminder that this semester will end, too...

4. Death To My Hometown -- Bruce Springsteen

I'd never heard this one before, but I ASCENDED when I heard it live (the horns section was. fantastic.) and I left it on repeat all month post-concert.

5. The Ledge -- Fleetwood Mac

This song makes me proud of my music taste, honestly--see, I can like weird experimental stuff, too! It sounds wonderfully, comfortingly crowded--like the ambient noise from a nearby café, or like falling asleep with the TV on. I don't know, it's just a feeling I find myself really enjoying. I'm also SO deeply in love with the round-style singing (see: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" rounds in middle school choir) Fleetwood Mac sometimes does (see: my obsession with "Paper Doll"), and they do it in this song !!

6. I Don't Want to Know -- Fleetwood Mac

I like this one for the same reason I like "Second Hand News"--that cheerful self-deprecation just never fails to draw me in. ("Second Hand News" is still better, though!)

7. Smart -- Le Sserafim

Does anyone NOT like this song? I missed the Eve Psyche hype train last year, so this one's hitting me doubly hard. I think the sweeter tone of "Smart" suits Le Sserafim's vocals much better, and the production is just plain adorable! This has been my go-to song during classes, when I need something to cheer me up without making me too overwhelmed.

8. Luz -- Ine Güemes

That vocal processing is SUCH a standout--so soft and hazy and fluffy, just a fascinating texture when you really focus on it, but endlessly pleasant when you leave it on loop and zone out, too. (Look, I REALLY loved this album this month.)

9. Nota de Voz -- Los Hermanos Laser

Classic indie boy music! I like "Azul Plateado" from this album, too, and I have a feeling the whole album will hit for me during the summer--I tend to like that exhausted-sounding alt-rock stuff a whole lot around July & August :)

10. Light Sprite -- Baby Pantera, Isabella Lovestory

Thanks for the rec, @pocima !!

11. I Am Right On Time -- Bleachers

This is a weirdly muted album for Bleachers (especially on the heels of "Stop Making This Hurt" and "How Dare You Want More" from their last album), and this is the most weirdly muted of them all--I really feel like it should be... more, somehow? But it's still quite a cathartic listening experience, and I keep coming back to it!

12. Really Like You -- Gyubin

I've started giving myself 30 minutes of reading time in the mornings, to help me wake up and not be completely miserable about it, so I've been reading a whole bunch of webtoons. (Hell, maybe I'll read a book one day!) This one's the perfect cutesy webtoon soundtrack, and I think it might be here because I left it on repeat while reading Blooming Season?? (I just finished catching up with Jackson's Diary, and I think I'm gonna start Death of a Pop Star next!) Anyway, Gyubin sounds lovely here, can't wait for a comeback!

13. Self Respect -- Bleachers

The production on this song is just SO exciting overall!! But I'm mostly here for the saxophone. God, it's not even that much of the song but it's gorgeous !!!

14. Nieve Sin Fin -- Ine Güemes

Nice aesthetic piano :)

15. Rush -- Twice

I love how dizzying this song is--it's chaotic and overwhelming in the most wonderful way! I was a little disappointed by it when I first listened to the album, I think because their vocals here are much softer than usual. When I let myself get swept away in the production, though, I totally get the appeal.

Five-Star Songs (& Albums!) This Month

BBB -- Purplekiss (the tiktok-music trend finally got me last year--against my will, admittedly. unfortunately for me, "bbb" is a fantastic example of that easy-listening, viral-tiktok sound from a group i'm already obsessed with, so of course i'm a huge fan. great vocal performances and silky songwriting? yeah, it's great--the muted aesthetic doesn't bug me at all--and i actually kind of love the super-short horn sections in the chorus. they're surprisingly full-sounding!)

Beam Beam -- Jeon Soyeon (i didn't get this one at all when it first came out, but i've warmed up to it over the years--and this month it just HIT. it's the perfect showcase of soyeon's energy, and it's such a rush!!)

Death To My Hometown -- Bruce Springsteen (five stars bc it has the words "robber barons" in it!!)

Girl I've Always Been -- Olivia Rodrigo (i keep underestimating olivia rodrigo's power as a performer. of course she could make this country-sounding track work. of course she could make it my favorite from the album in an instant. who am i to question??)

Hey Joe -- Bleachers (a sing-along for the politically disillusioned. happy 2024, fellow usamericans. well, at least the harmonies here are delightful!)

Jesus is Dead -- Bleachers (i mentioned that this album is unusually muted for bleachers--not dull as in 'boring in terms of production or songwriting', but dull as in dead-eyed and zombie-like. the vocal delivery, especially, is unusually bland and flat. "jesus is dead" is definitely the best use of this half-asleep, grayscale aesthetic on the album--a song as hopeless and monotone as its delivery. it's strange and stylish and messy, too, AND there's also a sax solo ?? and it works great ?? i admire it so so so much--i'm very surprised this didn't make the most-listened list, i've been looping it a whole bunch.)

The Ledge -- Fleetwood Mac

Self Respect -- Bleachers (re: saxophone.)

White Rabbit -- Jefferson Airplane (i don't think it's much of a hot take at all to say this one is fantastic. i heard it for the first time in february, and i've been completely obsessed since!!)

Heráldica -- Saramalacara (okay, i've had like. a week. with this album, but it was love at first listen--and "humo" already had my heart, anyway. the atmospherics are breathtaking, the production crisp and intense, and saramalacara's voice // the vocal production here fits SO well!! there's a song called ".tumblr" that's definitely worth checking out, though i enjoy every song on here !! except "_cuervos". i admire that one but god it disturbs me i never want to hear it again.)

Qué Nos Mantiene Despiertos -- Ine Güemes (first album of the year candidate of 2024 !!! not much of a surprise, i'm sure, given my top 15. more breathtaking atmospherics, but in the exact opposite direction of heráldica! this album is full of really unique textures, but all that chaos doesn't make it any less soothing. each song is distinct, but they all come together into this sweet, fluffy youtube-lofi-mix type of experience--and look, i'm a college student. could i ask for anything more in an album?)

[fallish]

i will absoluely take this baton, thank you for tagging @fairlylokai 🥰

1 ) do you make your bed? the truth is i tried for a while and i still do try occasionally but a majority of the time it ends up with me sleeping on top of a comforter because my brain cant put together the effort to pull it back and actually get in. im going to go with no (despite the state of my very made bed that i am currently sitting on at the time of this post)

2 ) what's your favourite number? two-way tie between 58 and 87. iykyk ;)

3 ) what is your job? im a software developer, its kinda a boring title but im getting good at it!

4 ) If you could go back to school would you? it really depends on the day you ask me this one. like generally? fuck no, it was hell on my adhd. on a particularly self destructive day? yeah and i might finish a college application before deciding to sleep on any major life decisions (and then i wont do it! 10pm rule that shit!)

5 ) can you parallel park? yes! i used to be the only one of my friends who could but i live on a street with only parallel parking and i think theyre getting better at it :D

6 ) a job you had that would surprise people? i used to be a camp counselor for one summer! everyone used to always tell me id be bad with kids because i didnt really like them, and i actually tried failing this interview but i guess they needed people, so i got the job. i got on swell with the kids! uh. not so much with the other adults tho. i accidentally made the ice tea spiked at the end of the summer and needless to say i was not invited back. i look back on it fondly :)

7 ) do you think aliens are real? of course. its unthinkable that humans are the only ones around in the whole universe. as they say, life finds a way

8 ) can you drive a manual car? nope. dated a guy who did once, and im ngl i was kinda into it, but i never learned myself.

9 ) what's your guilty pleasure? k pop photo cards 🙈 while I agree that guilt is for the weak, I do think I spend an unreasonable amount of money on those

10 ) tattoos? not yet, but ive got plans. my mom is super against them so while im at home, i cant. when i move out tho, i really want to get a set of wings in honor of ffvii (the first video game i finished)

11 ) favourite colour? i like yellow, like the mustardy kind but im partial to green and black

12 ) favourite type of music? i spend a lot of my attention on the punk/rock so like fall out boy and mayday parade and i listen to a lot of indie shit like glass animals and basement punk like the front bottoms and mobo, and recently im into kpop, particularly zerobaseone. also! i suspenct that no matter what, if i like the rhythm of the rap put in front of me, its highly likely ill enjoy it

13 ) do you like puzzles? i like puzzles so much i made it my job! one could absolutely say i like puzzles lol, me and my sister used to do them a lot and for her last birthday i got her a 10 pack.

14 ) any phobias? im not fond of men with raised voices, but on a lighter note, i wont go more than 5 feet into the ocean because i grew up in jersey on movies like jaws that made me wuite scared of shark attacks

15 ) favourite childhood sport? i uh didnt play sports 🫡 i liked watching hockey though and i still watch nhl hockey now! so that might count?

16 ) do you talk to yourself? oh yeah. all the time. i cant do tasks if i dont talk myself through them. it might not be out loud all the time (i respect public spaces and the quiet associated with them) but theres a constant running monologue i promise.

17 ) what movie(s) do you adore? cheesy answer but i LOVE inception its one of my all time top 5 movies i could watch it in any mood and it would amaze me.

18 ) coffee or tea? i like both, i prefer tea, but im not allowing myself to have either right now. im trying to get myself off of caffeine again because i recently started going back to work and drinking more coffee and what do you know? my migraines made a comeback

19 ) first thing you wanted to be growing up? i wanted to be a famous singer, and sometimes i still want to make music but i dont know, i guess it got away from me at some point. i still make little singing audios and send them to my friends and my mom always says i have a nice voice so the dream stays alive :)

thanks again for tagging! im going to tag @doomcannotbethisadorable @alittlebitofrainbyyourside @sherlockholmeson and anyone who wants to do participate!!

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hello I was summoned? Gosh I did just wake up from a nap fair warning.

So by all accounts the tour Is selling pretty damn well, I don't think people realise how ticket prices nd tour prices are done. So, let me give you the lowdown

(This is all based on work I did with my music business performance and tech qualification in college *the bit before uni for americans* and reseach and continued work so take that into account)

When a tour is arranged they consider a few things.

Costs, obviously they have to look at the cost of the tour and make sure they have more money than that by a bit to have emergency and contingency funds. This includes stuff like work visas, venues, set, staff. All of that is considered

Breaking even, most tours are only really concerned with minimally breaking even or making their money back. To do that most tours set their break even point FAR BELOW the max ticket sales. To ensure they don't lose money, they try to set it around half (give or take a quarter either side) so they don't have to charge too much while still making money.

Profit, so this, once you hit that break even point provided you don't have costs you don't have to front or invoices you still have to pay everything beyond it us profit. Profit is also generated through online interactions, merch sales (like the 10th ani. Which is why I'd wager it was so expensive)

Contingency, so this is money you usually leave to the side at the start but I don't trust Jamie so we are gonna assume that actually he'd take his contingency from the profits. I don't actually knwo who the tour manager is this time so I'm running on the assumption it's the company. But even then most of the time contingency doesn't get spent. Its just in case money. For any surprise costs.

These are the very very basics we need to talk about in regards to the 1975 tour.

First, it's their first proper stadium tour in a while. At least outside the UK. So it's not expected to sell out. Especially not considering the recent controversies the boys have been through. So one could argue the tour Is selling really well considering.

Second, they've chosen their areas for a reason. When your doing an expensive theatrical stadium tour you need to consider the areas your going to and how much of that venue your actually gonna fill. There's no point booking the O2 if all your fans are in Scotland. And while I can't personally look at the sales statistics and their demographic statistics I'd reckon they've picked their spots wisely (look even idaho likes music) based those stats.

Third, it's really early in the tours life cycle, as in its not even in full swing yet. So most people won't be buying this far in advance if they aren't hard-core fans dying for a ticket. A lot of people wait until its closer to the time (mostly financial reasons and psychological reasons) so it's not fair to judge on how the sales are right this second (still good though) a lot of casuals buy tickets fairly close to shows (insane I know)

If the tour were going to be cancelled. It would have been by now. Unless something extreme happens its unlikely because the boys should have broken even by now and maybe made a small profit. There's other more complex stuff too but this is already a very long ask so I'll stop here

TL/DR I promise they don't need to sell out to break even or profit. They've been touring a while they know how many they average at live concerts and stadiums so they've likely taken the average amount of attendees for a concert and halved it for their break even point. They're smart. They've done this 10 years. Have a little faith in them. P.s most of the twitter people saying that legit just want to see the band fail or stay small and indie for them.

THANK YOOUUUU!!!! yeah I think the statement “this tour is failing” is your equivalent of saying “Beetlejuice” three times. Like if anyone says that, you materialize with info hahahaha

No, this is super, super helpful and informative! For someone who doesn’t know much about music or touring and is just going off of common sense and vibes, like I learned a lot from this!!!

Here y’all go. Twitter do be Twitter-ing which is a surprise to literally nobody. It’s the least thoughtful platform out there and not at all conducive to…like…facts or rational thought haha. Everybody say thank you Ambrose.

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

I saw a post on twitter advising "If you want a business but you're not sure where to begin, start by building an audience around your interests." and I can't even begin to tell you how much I've failed, by doing that xD. It's not a bad advice, it's just that some people can't really do that effectively.

Like, when I decided to drop video editing cause I refused to create with stock taken from where I live cause I hate the place and nth inspires me and turnt to photomanips, I tried so hard to make it work but I wasn't social enough for it. I loved to create and I enjoyed finding other artists like me, follow them, support them etc, but I didn't know what to say past "Oh that's really cool" or sth. I couldn't build anything by involving myself with this community so, not getting connected in any way with other photomanipulators or people following for what I make eventually discouraged me, to the point I am now bored to death to spend time making an image if only my 3 friends and I are going to see it.

Then as far as music fandoms are concerned, all I could do is help people find more bands. I did reach a point when bands would ask me post their stuff on fb, but it was mostly indie European or American bands who were trying to do visual kei. And it was hard when they were tooo amateur, cause I couldn't tell them excuse me but you seem like you've just started music as a whole and you need a bit more experience before being exposed to a fandom. Sometimes fans were harsh to me too, like wtf are you posting, you know? I knew most people were following me for Japanese vkei bands so if you were going to be included, you had to have some decent presence and clear sound. I was offered one good thing once though, but I wasn't able to get it so...I was invited to cover a Gazette concert in France and I didn't have the money to go so...not much of a chance, but it brought tears to my eyes cause an organizing company as known as that, considered I was doing that of a good job to be considered equal, you know.

With writing it was the same as with photomanips, only, it was easier to have conversations with people because writing involves a more extensive story and stuff like tropes, writing style etc. But it was too time consuming. At some point I noticed I was spending more time reading other people's stuff and commenting than promoting my own stuff, plus, most people (not everyone) I interacted with weren't interested back in my own story. We were just playing question and answer games and no one wanted to get tagged. The first time I did it it was more successful, I actually had readers, but after a break I took to focus on my own writing, it was just me playing games with other writers and still feeling like I wasn't getting much back, cause past the games no one wanted to be tagged.

So yeah now I no longer want a business around my interests, cause the whole procedure made me hate creating. I just want to find sth I can do, like I have a skill good enough for that job to do it right and one that isn't thaaat unbearable for me to deal with on a daily basis. I don't know what that would be. All I know is that I want to make my own money somehow and get to live alone at once.

[stereopticons]

4, 5, 9! xoxo MJ/kiwiana-writes

4. What piece of writing are you most proud of?

If we’re being honest, I’m most proud of continuing to write at all despite what my brain wanted to do. But if we’re going with actual pieces of writing, I think it’s finally finishing your secret’s safe with me. It ended up more complex than originally planned with switching perspectives and parallel stories but I am proud of how it turned out.

5. What have you improved on most this year?

Well, I still edit as I go (and by that I mean, in my head before the words even get out) and I’m not sure that is going to change but I have gotten better about not getting hung up on some things like pop culture references and just leaving them in brackets to come back to later (or to ask my beloved brackets fillers for help with).

9. What's a scene you wrote this year that you're particularly proud of?

I spent like an hour going through old wip wednesday/seven sentence sunday posts certain that I'd shared this scene from indie band patrick before but apparently I didn't??? So I'm going to put it behind the cut because it's kind of long (and also not posting the very end so I don't spoil everything for when I eventually start posting)

end of the year fanfic asks

“You just have to move with the music,” David says, trying to demonstrate by moving his hips to the beat. “You dance like you skimmed a WikiHow article on how to move. There’s no steps, you just have to feel it!” “I’m trying!” David turns around and reaches back to grab Patrick’s hands, trying (and mostly failing) to ignore the flare of sparks that sends up his arms. He places Patrick’s hands on his hips and moves back so they’re almost touching. He can feel the heat from Patrick’s body scalding him.  This might have been a mistake.  He’s just tipsy enough to think that maybe he doesn’t care.  “Just, um, try to follow my movements.” David starts to move his hips again. He can feel Patrick matching him, tentatively at first, but he eventually finds the rhythm. He settles his large hands more comfortably on David’s hips and David feels like he’s been branded, like he’ll be feeling the imprint of Patrick’s fingers for days and weeks to come.  David has danced with a lot of people at clubs like this, people of all genders, but it has never felt like this before. Patrick’s breath is hot on the back of his neck, and there’s barely an inch of space between them. His already-tight pants are starting to feel even tighter—he’s a bit embarrassed to be half-hard just from some grinding, but it feels too good to bring himself to stop.  The song changes and a familiar synth beat pounds out of the speakers. David knows that intro in the marrow of his bones. I call you when I need you My heart’s on fire He spins around so he’s facing Patrick.  “I love this song!”  “Yeah?” Patrick says, a soft smile on his lips.  “You have to listen to the lyrics!” David insists.  Patrick cocks his head slightly like he actually is trying to listen harder.  You come to me, come to me Wild and wired  David drapes his arms over Patrick’s shoulders, bringing them impossibly closer. He can see the faint dusting of freckles across Patrick’s cheeks and the bridge of his nose, the tiny scar over his eyebrow, the hints of auburn in his stubble. They’re still moving together, hips swaying as Tina’s voice echoes out of the speakers.  Oh, you come to me Give me everything I need Give me a lifetime of promises and a world of dreams Speak the language of love like you know what it means Patrick’s gaze flicks to David’s lips and back up again. The air between them crackles with electricity and it feels like they’re the only people on the dance floor. David leans forward as if pulled by a magnet, pausing to give Patrick the chance to turn away. When he doesn’t, David wraps a hand around the back of Patrick’s neck and closes the distance between them, pressing their lips together.  And David has kissed, like, a thousand people, but it’s never felt like this before, like it’s a new beginning.

[kittyrob0t]

I will type this while im still feeling pretentious

in a good way, don't get me wrong. Lately, I've been feeling an overwhelming need to learn new languages, read books again, shift the music I listen to, and simplify the clothes I wear. Albeit, this might be temporary for now, I am clinging on to this momentary idealization of a want for this lifestyle. I know at my age, it will be difficult to learn a new language, and hopeless considering it might be a barren skill to have if I'm never even going to leave the country sooner or at all. But alas, my brain has decided to do something, and I must follow. This is more and more showing up as a stage of mania and ADHD, which I will ignore, and proceed with. In the past I've always wanted to learn new things, and have always failed because I use life as an excuse to forget or even tire of doing such things. I've also always wanted to have a simpler wardrobe with better pieces but have failed as well because I always put front that I am a victim of capitalism and am not privileged enough to afford slow fashion. Hence my repetition of clothes despite having a ton of them. I no longer enjoy making coffee, I make it, but finish it in less than 10 minutes without actually savoring it. Even the process itself. Which I know sounds ludicrous but I just miss romanticizing the small bits of life as I have been eternally depressed to do so.

I started the last three months with a labor some skincare routine, I now can't seem to be bothered. And I have been in an eternal melancholy for weeks that honestly feel like months. And maybe it has been months, I don't really remember. I haven't really had a fair grasp on time since five years ago. I also have this idea of reading these blog entries in videos I want to create, but it might be too much and overwhelming, and as I'm typing this, maybe its better to keep two separate mediums for now. Especially since I haven't even started video taping anything. It's also funny how I've never talked about filming anything in the first paragraph and now I'm blabbering on about it.

As for my quietness, I am in a pit to be honest. I am currently going in no sure direction with my career and now that I have finally stepped up, am coming to a long stop, I think most probably I am. Sometimes I get sputters of ideas that maybe I should do more work on my portfolio, but I can never find the time to do it, because I always think I'm better off doing something better at that moment. And then it all gets faded out, until a desperate happening comes into my life and I think about it again, and the cycle continues. I currently am working three jobs, one full time, two part time ones that feel like the other one is in disguise. It's a lot more needy than I am, and the fact that I'm depressed doesn't help. I am also currently processing training sessions for a voice acting gig that will last for 6 months and can probably pay for 3 years of rent, for a French web company about to launch audio smut. My desperation for money has definitely made me tolerate some red flags my employer has been showing, especially the time I asked for a contract and he sent me a two-sentence PDF with two underlines for signatures, five minutes later.

Someone has also been 'managing' me, in music, and have been singing as a back up for an indie rapper that seemingly only has intense rhythmic pop in his discography. Most of our shows either has my mic set to the lowest volume; either that, or my voice is incredibly low and quiet, and in decibels the naked ear can't hear, If that's even a phrase. But even then, I still value the 500-1000 peso bills I receive after (under) performing. I seem to think I get better with each performance, but whenever I get off, I always hear the feedback that I seem to have not existed there at all. And to be honest, I don't know what to feel. But I don't feel sad at all. There's certainly a humor to it. Feels like being a ghost employee in a band, paid to be silent.

I've also some to admit that I'm terribly disappointed with how my life is going, but often forget that I am, because of the little tiny happy moments that happen in between, that when I do remember, I feel a little worse that I don't know how to tell people how miserable I am because I feel that the time has passed.

I am currently determined on being alone, as I am weighing if I truly enjoy it because I get to so many things I plan on doing, or maybe I'm just genuinely busy; or that I am just glutted with the presence of other people, and have tremendously low energy to associate myself with. Which by the way, worries me that I may seem like a bitch.

[russeliarat]

By the demand of one singular person, I'm gonna show my Splatoon ocs. I currently have four with a possible fifth in the making who is unrelated to the others. I also have a couple other Octo idol ocs (Consortium, I've talked a bit ab them before), but this isn't about them today.

The story centers around Milo, an Octoling who escaped Octo Valley upon hearing Calamari Inkantation, leaving her family behind. Her original goal was to end up in Inkopolis, but somehow ended up in Splatsville in the middle of a Splatfest instead, where she hunkered down in the lobby to sleep and ate solely from the food stand off of totally not stolen food tickets. She was discovered watching Deep Cut's performance by an Inkling called Coral and an Octoling called Blessing, who take her in on a whim. They take Milo to do Turf Wars and Tricolour Battles but she's so shit at it that she made a name for herself by failing so hard. People said it was bad luck for her be on their team. But Milo is actually quite good at Tableturf Battles, in fact she's surprisingly good. She eventually becomes one of the top players. She gains a lot of confidence after discovering this.

A little afterwards, Milo goes missing as she's dragged to Alterna to fight against HR enemy Mr Grizz and is barely able to beat him and Deep Cut by a hair's margin. She struggled to beat DJ Octavio dammit. Her friends were concerned deeply, but were torn because they couldn't prove that she went missing, only that she possibly ditched them. The only proof that she didn't was the stuff left in the lobby guarded by the food stand attendant and the few items she stuffed into Coral and Blessing's lockers. When she finally comes back with Deep Cut in tow, Milo and her two friends celebrate her not being dead and Coral offers for Milo to stay in her apartment. They will the party into a moving in party.

Milo and a few alternative outfits. These are a few months old but still hold up, really. It's technically redesigns of the first iteration of the characters from back in like October or November. Milo eventually becomes interested romantically in Coral but is too shy to put a name to it. They're in the constant crush phase no matter how old they get. Milo's bit timid and very down on herself at first, but she gets a bit of a pick-me-up after a style change, Alterna, and finding something she's good at.

She also works Grizzco shifts, but prefers to stay in Coral's apartment as basically her housewife. She has more time to herself and is able to enjoy the small bits of peace from within the epicentre of Splatsville while Coral is off being an elite in Splatzones and Anarchy as well as getting her own education and work shifts done. Blessing accompanies her often as he's more on the calmer side, and even though he's considered one of the best Rainmaker/Splatzones/Anarchy players, he's barely hanging on by a thread lol. The three contribute to a little indie band that makes narrative focused rock and punk music, though a little on the tamer side for the sake of Milo, whose going half-deaf.

Coral, the bubbly, athletic friend who kinda just schlorped Milo into her tiny friend group. Shes very sweet if a bit pushy, but she means well. Coral obsessed with most of the bands seen in Splatoon, though has more of a focus on thrilling, fast paced music she can train to. Coral balances out both Blessing's calmness and Milo's low confidence twofold and she's needed to keep the energy in the group. Coral is actually an orphan so she rent an apartment every month and eventually pays for a studio near Inkblot Art Academy, which is where she attends school for the arts. She always finds herself injured and has at least two pairs of knee/arm guards on her plus whatever medical equipment she needs to patch herself up.

Blessing is a kind of misunderstood rich kid. His parents own a very popular fashion brand and he wants to follow in their footsteps, so he interns in Man O Wardrobe. To others, it makes him come off as a snobby rich boy who thinks he knows and dresses better than everyone else, but it's quite the contrary. He's a humble man with a very generous attitude, and he refuses to be a nepo baby. He wants to work his way up to the top instead of it being handed to him because it means he's worked hard. He also attends Inkblot Art Academy but for fashion design and textiles. His biggest achievement is winning a major competition for fashion design and having it remade by a popular clothing brand.

Blessing also has a little sister named Shoal who illegally modifies weapons in their basement. She's abrasive and stand-offish but takes after her brother in that she's a sweetheart. Just very passionate about her choice in Deep Cut idols is all.

And this is actually the only page I have for Argol, who is Blessing's boyfriend and eventual husband. A flirty man is Argol and is very smooth with his words, which usually gets him places, including with Blessing. He's Gnarly Eddy's little brother and him and Blessing met as children when his brother babysat the two as he was a family friend of Blessing's. They met again truly when Blessing started his intern work in Gnarly Eddy's shop before he moved on and work with Jel La Fleur. Argol works as a mechanic and engineer, which means he dresses in this sick sleek outfit. But also by means of being brothers, Argol helps out around Naut Cotoure every now and again. He doesn't have arms or legs or feet, just his little tentacle things buched together for mostly style, which doesn't help the fact that he's got chronic pain.

[julialouisdreyfest]

Giant Wave Interview

Giant Wave is a musical project from Will Ryerson. Will is a local Billings resident but has spent some time in Baltimore, cultivating sounds that could certainly fit as an arraignment of the intro song to The Wire. Angus (aka Agnar) asked Will some questions!

Angus: With being a resident of both Baltimore and Billings, are there any other “B” places on earth you are planning to conquer?

Will: I’ve been to Brooklyn many times, it’s okay. Bozeman has some cool folks amidst the boring rich people. My mother and a few friends live in beautiful areas of northern Vermont near Burlington, a place/ area where I’ve also spent quite a bit of time and would consider moving to under the right circumstances. Further afield: Brussels, Burkina Faso, Bali… would go to any/all without hesitation.

Q: If you only had to choose one between the base guitar or the synthesizer, which one would you stick with?

A: Bass guitar has endlessly funky possibilities that I most fully explored as bassist in the band Chiffon (back in Bmore). But synths are more versatile for sonic world-building. Is this a boring answer?

Q: What are the similarities of playing experimental electronic music in front of a crowd and reading story books to preschool children?

A: Maintaining the listener’s attention and choosing the correct volume.

Q: Out of all of your previous music projects both solo and as part of a group, is there any one particular release that sticks out to you personally?

A: Probably “Natural Motion”, the final album from my old indie-pop band Other Colors (released in 2016). Although I’ve moved on from it + that project stylistically, it was the first time that I, with supreme assistance and invaluable collaboration from bandmates, successfully realized a big-picture musical vision in a recording studio. Despite failing to catapult us to indie music stardom, I’m still very proud of it.

Q: What are your opinions on the 2001 cult classic Freddy Got Fingered staring Tom Green?

A: A manic tour-de-force from a wildly creative neurodivergent hero. There’s a strong anti-capitalist current throughout, I think, which is kind of buried underneath the surface-level madness. Sausages!

Catch Giant Wave at the Agnar hosted Noise Mini-Fest / Show (we really need to work on our packaging) at the North Park Rec Center at 3pm on Saturday, the 10th!