#only disabled people can call me a dramatic bitch on this post

[nightshadewine]

“ugh why do disabled and chronically ill people complain about their illness so much?”

for a long time before i got ill, i could not fathom why anyone would write an illness memoir. i didnt have anything against them, i just couldnt imagine why anyone would want to spend their time thinking and writing about illness. it’s something we all experience, why dwell on it? why get our sympathy and pity?

but i think i understand now why we talk about it so much, in a way that abled people often construe as “complaining”. a lot of us were healthy for a period in our life; we got to experience what everyone else experiences. a lot of us probably thought we understood the ill and disabled life. and then we got ill.

and i think the reason we spend so much time talking about illness is because we’re living the indescribable. we have crossed a border to another world that we thought we knew. we went to hell and couldnt return, and now we’re writing back to tell them how much worse it is than we could have imagined. we’re writing, screaming, bleeding a warning back through to our old world, our old lives, burning in fires we once saw from a distance as merely red, and trying to explain that what we thought we knew is wrong. we got it so so very wrong. we think we are doing them a favour.

and we hear back through the veil that they cannot fathom why we are complaining so much.

after all, we all know about hell.

[giantkillerjack]

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

If you are disabled and you need to lie to get the accommodations you need or to escape ableist social harassment, then it is not just morally acceptable to lie in that scenario, it is morally GOOD.

I say this with no irony or satire whatsoever (unlike the original post, which is very much meant to be sarcastic).

Abled people are always trying to be the "hero" who finds the "fakers," as though "fakers" are actually a concern for disabled people. - When instead I don't know a single disabled person who hasn't been denied the care they need by being called a faker on multiple occasions. That's what we ACTUALLY live in fear of.

(Also, notably, finding the "faker" is not actually about protecting disabled people for these self-appointed "heroes". It's actually about finding an ego-boosting outlet for personal aggression and frustration. They don't care that the government has the funding to care for all of us and yet refuses. They just want to pretend this isn't about them, and are using other disabled people as a moral shield.)

Besides, every person I've met who is actually LYING about their disability has done so not because they are faking being disabled (for all the AWESOME benefits that DEFINITELY exist - ????), but because their ACTUAL disability is not taken seriously by the gatekeepers who can deny them the help they need.

Lying in this scenario protects a disabled person from stigma, injury, pain, death, and/or social neglect. This is a moral good. Lying to protect people from abuse is good, yourself included.

You shouldn't get a wheelchair, walker, cane, shower chair, or any kind of assistive technology mobility aid because then you might become dependent on them. Just like how you also shouldn't get glasses if you have bad eyesight because then you might become dependent on those.

For instance, if you end up stuck using corrective eyewear, you could actually lose your ability to tell what things are even when they are extremely blurry! You need to get used to having migraines from seeing unclearly because if you wear glasses all the time, you are basically giving up!! You don't need to see things coming at you from far away! You just need to get good at dodging, and if you can't, then you have no one to blame but yourself!!

For example, I read a really heart-worming article recently about a girl who was stuck using glasses - just absolutely, tragically trapped in her eyewear from dawn to dusk, even though she was good and never ever complained; and I heard she trained herself to discern the blurry faces of her loved ones with 60% accuracy! - she was even able to walk down the aisle at her wedding WITHOUT forcing the discomfort of seeing a woman in glasses on all her guests!!

Sure, she had to give her vows with a splitting headache, and she couldn't see her husband's expression when he said "I do," but overall, SO inspi-ration-al!!! So up-lifting!!

(She didn't even have to use a seeing eye cane, which would have been the worst-case scenario, obviously, because she worked hard to make sure she looked LESS disabled, not MORE disabled!!! Everyone knows blind people exist solely to be a cautionary tale to sighted people!!)

Also, did you know some people get glasses when they only need them a little bit?? How selfish of them! Sure, there's not a shortage, and an increase in demand would result in overall increased accessibility to glasses--but emotionally it's like taking glasses away from someone who needs them more! After all, if everyone who needed glasses got them, then...... um...... more people would have glasses! Which is probably bad!!!!

I also had a friend who was trapped in glasses who saved up all her money for laser eye surgery, and I don't know why everyone doesn't just do that! Sure, some doctors say some people don't "qualify" and it "won't help" those people, but that's why you can't give up!! You don't want to be one of those people!

After all, what's the worse thing that could happen with an unnecessary laser surgery to the face that comes with crippling debt??? It's worth the risk to gain your FREEDOM back, and I'm so proud of my friend!!

Tragically, she did die later that year while driving Uber and squinting at street signs, but at least now I know my friend is finally free from the shackles of her terrible eyesight. #ripAshley #rippedAshley #justripit 😌😌😌❤😇😇😇

And that's why you shouldn't get used to using a mobility aid!! Because, like glasses, they are inherently embarrassing to be seen with; and - like glasses - it is more noble to silently suffer than to depend on unnatural technologies that force you to rely on them!!! (Besides, everyone else will be SO much more comfortable if you look normal!)

I hope you learned something today. 💖

[itstheelvenjedi]

It's Disability Wrath month so here is my Wrath, fuckers

Long, ranty and angry post about disability rights below the cut. If you're too sensitive to listen to disabled people being angry about being treated like shit then move along because I will NOT coddle you. Have a nice day and don't let the door bitch slap you in the ass on your way out 🤡👋

Welcome to the UK, where if you claim to be disabled you have to be "uwu wittol bwabey who can't do anythwing for mwyself awww", if you can do anything else including bullshit like:

-be young and disabled. Cause the two things are mutually exclusive and there is absolutely positively NO WAY you can be born with a congenital (aka "from birth") incurable (aka no amount of medical treatment or "positive thinking uwu" is going to "fix" what is wrong with me and magically make me NOT disabled! But thinks like opioid pain meds that make it so i can grit my teeth through the pain ENOUGH to limp around with a mobility aid can give me SOME quality of life) condition. Don't you know that only happens to old people??

-stand up, even if you're in agony while doing so and need a mobility aid to move around for a distance greater than idk like 10 meters or whatever. The "meaasurements" are arbitrary and change whenever the powers that be feel like they're spending too much money on the cripples and r*****s ;)

-but you're not in real agony because if you WERE you'd be crying and screaming 24/7, but if you cry and scream and complain TOO much about being in pain you're "dramatic" and "faking it for attention" ( "you have no proof of that, its an exaggeration and the real world doesnt do tha-" ok Janice, we won't talk about the time I was admitted to a hospital, denied my regular pain meds because "I'm only 21 and I'm too young to be on opioids" and then HANDCUFFED TO A BED AND LOCKED IN A CLOSET because I was in so much pain that I HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN and was "making noise that was scawing other pweople uwu" cause none of y'all ableds are ready to have that conversation. Fact.)

-limp to the toilet to go potty, again despite being in utter agony the entire time, and sit/ stand even if you have to have BARS all over the bathroom that you can use to PHYSICALLY PULL yourself up or you COULDNT DO IT. but you can still wipe your own ass so it's not that bad and you're exaggerating just to get free money

-expect your prescriptions to be refilled in the time frame you were told they would be. What do you MEAN you want your meds because you've run out? Just don't think about the pain!! Take some OTC painkillers and wait an extra month till we feel like it! What do you mean you can't walk or eat without your regular medication to ensure your body doesn't literally stop you from doing basic human tasks??? LIES

-put food in your mouth. Even IF you drop it all over yourself and/or the floor 5+ times before it gets in there cause you got it there in the end so stop whining

-expect to live in peace in your own fucking home and not be attacked and assaulted by able-bodied men who had no business getting in your personal space cause you never said a bad word to them or cared what they were doing till you ALMOST GOT MURDERED IN YOUR OWN HOME. TWICE. just call the police!! It's what they're for!!

-but the police officers that get there care more about the able bodied men's rights to infringe on YOURS so stop being a snitch OK? Just mind your business. Don't exist in your own home cause that's asking to be assaulted cause you're there and vulnerable what do you expect???

-Additionally, What do you MEAN you close your curtains at 3pm in the afternoon because they stand outside filming you with their phones against your consent??? Open the window and take photographic evidence or it didn't happen and you're a neurotic, lying woman who just wants to give "good harmless men uwu" additions to their ALREADY EXTENSIVE CRIMINAL RECORDS

-take a shower on your own, but only if we provide the equipment and facilities which we TELL you we will do, to trap you into a lease, but then remind you that that shits too expensive and you'll just have to manage with a bathtub even if you can't: sit, stand, stretch your legs out, DON'T stretch your legs out, sneeze, walk, run, or breathe without dislocating your hip, you're overreacting it's just a little step it's not that bad 🤗

-have a rash because we'll only give you the bare minimum of care and therefore only allow you to bathe once a week because you physically can't do it on your own with the piss poor equipment we "generously" (read: cheaply and not at all adequately) provided you with. If you were less lazy and better at pacing yourself to do one little wash a day you could bathe on your own, don't be ungrateful

AND if any of the above is true, congrats!! You are officially "faking it and not really disabled" so your status as a disabled person MUST be rigorously questioned EVERY 2-3 YEARS to STOP FRAUD AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT who are "only trying to help you" and you should FEEL BAD for feeling suicidal after ALL the help we gave you. Ungrateful snowflake

(This last paragraph is blatant, fury-charged sarcasm BTW. Everything else, sadly, is NOT. These are all real things that have been said and done to me as a physically AND mentally disabled person in our GLORIOUS (/s) land of Gd Save the Qn)

Able-bodied people can reblog but if you act like a clown I will take your fucking kneecaps out with my cane. I'm done being nice about this.

Other disabled people are welcome to add on to this with their own stories, even if nothing else ever comes from this post except that you get to scream in frustration to someone who hears you and GETS IT. I'm here, my brothers and sisters and siblings of non-binary or other more complicated gender identities. I see you, I hear you, and I'm angry that you're being treated so badly too.

[kagemajaya]

Hidamari ga Kikoeru - Part 2: From iyashikei romance to conventional romantic drama

I Hear the Sunspot - 2013, Fumino Yuki - 7/10

Kouhei and Taichi being sad and alone under the rain

You can read the first part of this post here.

The healing has ended and now it’s time for some romantic drama tropes to take over. I will be quite harsh in the rest of this review and focus on the manga’s flaws, but bear in mind, this is because I loved this story and expected more out of it. It is of course still leagues ahead of many others of its kind. 

With the second volume of Hidamari ga Kikoeru, we step into a territory that we haven’t been in yet: proper romance. That is not to say Koufuku-hen (vol.2) and Limit (vol.3) do not delve into other topics at hand, coming of age and disability, but they are now tools to give us more and more melodrama between our “established” couple. Kouhei and Taichi aren’t exactly going out at the beginning of Koufuku-hen, but all intentions are there and we know why we are getting these sequels: the boys will need to get together.

Koufuku-hen introduces the first two obstacles to our boys’ soft romance: an entitled rival and worries about future occupation, classic go-to’s in any elementary romance story. (For an almost exhaustive catalogue of what drama a simple first love story should include, check out Doukyuusei, it does it well and without pretense.) 

Maya, the rival to Taichi, is a total bitch. Whether her disability is supposed to make her sympathetic, I don’t know, but she is the sort of character I can’t stand in any story. Actually stopping Taichi, someone she’s just met, from meeting Kouhei, and Kouhei and Taichi both allowing her that power is lazy narrative. Where does she get that power? Why is it okay for her to be mean to Taichi? And why is Taichi a pushover? Is that what being nice means? Certainly not in my dictionary. And certainly not by the standards of what we’ve seen from Taichi so far. He’s been quite defensive and protective against mean people - does Maya being a girl make it okay? Is it because she hangs out with Kouhei? None of these reasons work for me. As the story continues into Limit, she mellows out a bit, and even reluctantly helps Taichi. Unfortunately, this was nowhere near enough to redeem her character for me. As a tool to further the boys’ relationship, she was rudimentary. If we look at her as her own character, Fumino certainly gives her character development and her own plotline, neither of which are things she gave me a reason to care about. Maya was in the end Strike One towards a suffocating, trite melodrama that Fumino did so well keeping away from in volume 1.

Aren’t you the one who acts like that Miss Prejudice? 

Strike Two is future worries. Now as a topic for a 19 year old who has no idea what he’s doing with life, it makes total sense. When we come to its execution however, I have huge problems. Taichi quits university because now he knows what he wants to do with his life: help Kouhei with his hearing problems. In essence, both his wish to work with the hearing disability community and Kouhei’s reaction of feeling like a burden to Taichi are realistic, and could have been explored much like Kouhei’s original issue was explored in volume 1- quietly, without melodrama, with respite. Instead, what we get is, lack of communication and many many misinterpretations of each other’s feelings, not seeing each other for ages (and the normalization of that - two adults in a relationship not having time to see each other is bullshit, also propagated across many manga as if it could be real.) and once again, we are drowning in the sad feelings of youngsters who feel they are just not loved.

Of course, the work environment itself, which we get into more in Limit, carries the melodrama a million steps further. Taichi’s colleagues are generally nice people. The one that stands out the most is his de facto boss Chiba-san. He is the tough love type who teaches well and cares about you in his own grumpy way. Taichi of course loves to complain about him - which leads to Kouhei being jealous. And of course that’s not enough, whilst he is being jealous, but also feeling like a burden to Taichi cause he changed his future plans for him, he also decides to stay away from him, and be friends with another character who can’t hear, Ryuu, who is both vehemently against deaf people being with hearing people, and also - a shocking twist of fate - turns out to be Chiba-san’s little brother. With his venom, he convinces Kouhei that he can’t be with Taichi forever, and that he doesn’t need to get better hearing. I call it venom because before his own plotline is revealed, he comes across quite villainous. In fact, he is a sad, sensitive young man because he thinks he ruined his brother’s life, much like he makes Kouhei think he ruined Taichi’s life. The generalizations made and the entitlement to butt into other people’s life choices and the self-righteous attitude that comes with it bring us even more melodrama and suffocation. On the other hand, Chiba-san and Ryuu’s plotline is nicely resolved by the end, unlike Maya’s, it resonated with me as its own story. One reason for that could be that the only major female character we get ends up a part of the romantic plotline, and boy that is a turn off. Is that all girls are for? (Not saying Fumino-sensei is the sort to do this on purpose, but it is still quite boring to see it happen over and over again.)

Don’t fuck with a sensitive guy’s head dude... 

In the end, rather than envisioning ways to execute these plotlines better, I ask myself the question - was this continuation necessary at all? Apart from turning all the earlier beautiful drama into a tool to create romantic melodrama, what did we achieve? I guess we did get Kouhei and Taichi together by the end, but the somewhat open ending of the first volume had already done a classy job in making me think they were going to get together. It is of course natural to want to see your favorites continue to be a part of your life, and that is how I had felt at first when Koufuku-hen had come out. However, this is another lesson in how carrying on with an already finished story is almost never a good idea. Koufuku-hen and Limit did not entirely fuck up Hidamari ga Kikoeru, but they were far from ideal. Rather than enjoying the journey, I looked forward to it finishing as I waddled through Kouhei and Taichi’s endless troubles. 

The latter volumes get a 6 from me - a score I give to manga that I think are fine enough but I don’t want to read again. Surely, most of these flaws will get lost in the original sensitive choice and execution of the topic and will get ignored, branding Hidamari ga Kikoeru a master work. I’d like to reserve that epitaph for stories that carry that sensitiveness throughout. Maybe the solution is to regard these volumes as separate works, as I still love the original and will cherish it among my other favorites. Would also love to hear about your thoughts on these points - did you feel similarly as you read? Or did you only notice after reading this? Maybe you still loved the manga just as much as before? Either way, here’s hoping good stories aren’t dragged down by editor/reader pressures or a hunger for fame and money and we stop where they should.   

A dramatic chase, a traffic accident scare and we’re there… take a chill pill Fumino-sensei and see you next time...

[tomiyeee]

finished the story quests for bl3 (but barely any of the side missions yet) and i got...Opinions(tm)

(sorry if this doesn’t cut on mobile! also if you want to hide spoilers i’m tagging all my bl3 posts as “bl3 spoilers” so ny’all can blacklist it)

in no particular order:

i honestly wanted to give gearbox some slack and try my best to like this game bc i know people had probably unfairly high expectations for this game given all the build up, but they really just kept letting me down in everything but the graphics

said this before but overall, the characters are all Quite lackluster

^^ tyreen and troy included. adding the word "bitch" to every sentence does not automatically make it funnier

that being said, i super love their backstory + relationship with typhon/nekofeyo-whatever

the character designs are equally boring. moxxi was the only one who got a real improvement imo. lilith and maya are okay. rhys...i dont think i have to explain. lia...i dislike her hair; the black felt like it balanced out her design better and the white streak was interesting and cool but full white just looks bad tbh. zer0 feels less sleek and more bulky which doesnt fit him much. tina lost her pretty color palette and cute outfit. where are all the bright pretty color palettes in general???? there are other colors besides brown and black???? use them?????

ending of pre-sequel: “you will need all the vault hunters you can get” me: “ooh does that mean all the vh’s from previous games are back? i can’t wait to see everyone meet each other! :D” bl3: only nine of them come back, 3 of them die, the rest are involved in maybe one mission at most

boss fights. super. boring. and tedious. i mean this could be partly because i was playing on ps4 which made it extra not fun but if the only reason the fight is difficult is because they have a lot of health...it's not fun or challenging. i want fights like handsome jack with interesting mechanics. i want fights like angel with emotional impact. i want fights like the pre-sequel final boss that i forgot the name of with variation that isnt just "now they have an attack that shines bright lights in ur eyes, covers the whole arena, and can knock you down in one hit im looking at you traunt and killavolt". tyreens fight was the only one that i somewhat enjoyed because of this. all the others were just like "ughhhh again?"

im really enjoying melee amara playstyle. taking out badass enemies in four hits is my jam. this is just my fallout 4 playthrough all over again babey heck yea

typhon just wanted to be a good dad!!! he called tyreen starlight which is adorable!!! he did the best he could and tyreen hated him for it!!! i don’t blame either of them for that tbh, it makes sense from both their perspectives. tyreen definitely should have been more understanding, but she’s a dick so :/ (not saying this is a writing flaw, just a character flaw)

hammerlock needs higher standards in men but i really appreciate the undeniably in-your-face "fuck you" to all gamer dudes

i really. hate. how little the player character seems to matter in the story. in pre-sequel the vh's all had unique dialogue AND npcs would respond, sometimes even with character-specific lines. even when it was the same across vh's, it still felt like the npcs were interacting and speaking directly to them. the player character felt like a character of their own, rather than just a vessel for the player to do quests and kill enemies with or an errand runner for the important characters. i thought that was the direction they were going in with bl3 too but this just feels like bl2 only worse. there’s a separation again between you and the story and it feels like you’re just watching things happen. now ur not just a silent protagonist, but instead your a speaking protagonist who gets completely ignored. whats the point of including unique dialogue if it's not even acknowledged beyond an "uh-huh, moving on"?

sometimes the logic just feels kinda dumb. the twins killed/disabled maya and lilith in a heartbeat, they can literally disintegrate the most powerful beings in the universe, but the vault hunters? absolutely not. they must fight them for 40 minutes and then die.

after the fight with troy, no one even touched tyreen. there's no way they could have thought "yup she's definitely dead, no need to shoot her in the head or anything just to make sure. we didn't do anything to even hurt her, we just assumed." turns out she's 100% alive and gets up to start the apocalypse. who'da thunk! i know they wanted the end to seem more dramatic but it just seems stupid that they could have stopped tyreen like 5 missions earlier had they even the slightest bit of common sense.

lilith was one of the biggest threats to tyreen and troy's whole plan. of course they should leave her alive and simply steal her powers. let's kill the monk siren instead.

i know they didn't include this to give all players a fair experience instead of favoring sirens, but it kinda sucks playing a siren character and it's just completely ignored outside of ur action skill. tyreen and troy are sapping siren powers left and right, but they choose to leave you with yours. when you enter the eridian place with typhon tannis starts glowing because it has "something to do with sirens". what about the one standing right next to her? this applies to bl2 as well...jack i would willingly charge ur vault key for u pls why do u take lilith instead :'(

oh yeah speaking of tannis! i LOVE that she got angels powers. for some reason it just makes me really happy. maybe it's bc i think it's sweet that part of angel survived. maybe it's because it makes for cool fanart. maybe it's just cool. idk. also like that we got a solid explanation of what angel's powers were (influence over technology). i always thought her having control over it in bl2 might've been cuz it was hyperion tech and she had access to it same as she had access to the satellite from bl1. it wasn't super clear since it seemed like she could also materialize things like the ammo during her fight.

that also reminds me: all the dramatic reveals in this game felt kinda badly done.

the very first one with zer0/katagawa. like the whole time i was walking around looking for him i was trying to think why he might've turned/something must have happened to him or rhys. everyone was saying it was undeniably zer0. i finally meet him and take one look at his bright ass maliwan armor and its like. really. you couldnt have made it anymore obvious that thats not zer0. and then his helmet gets knocked off and surprise! it's not him. i totally didnt already figure that out with one glance 10 seconds ago. (maybe even earlier when you got glimpses of him around the building but i always missed it cuz i was looking at the fish tanks n shit)

also the tannis reveal. she was speaking to me in the same way that only known siren characters could. weird unexplained things were happening and seemed to be related to tannis. i wonder if she's a siren? surprise! she's a siren.

tyreen and troy knew about the great vault through some unknown means. typhon was talking about having a son and a daughter who he told stories about the great vault. typhon calls tyreen his daughter a while later and lilith acts surprised like honey ur a little slow, i figured that out several lines ago.

basically i'm not saying they were so obvious that i knew from the beginning of the game; i only figured them out a little before they were outright stated. but it was enough that it kinda ruined the effect and the characters acting surprised only when it was blatantly spelled out for them just made it annoying.

i feel like most of this is pretty negative, but i don’t mean that i hate the game and was miserable playing it. it was honestly okay...like i said i wanted to like it, but gearbox hates me specifically and killed/ruined all my faves just to spite me sooo...*waves hand back and forth in a sort of “ehhh” gesture*. i think my opinion on bl games from most to least fav would be: tftbl, bltps, bl2, bl3, and bl1. so it’s not the worst, but deeefinitely not one of my faves. i mean jack’s not in it (or if he is he doesn’t have a big role) so it’s already at a huge disadvantage. the ending was ok, it was all dramatic n stuff and it kinda makes sense i guess, but it was just about as okay as the rest of the game really. i don’t hate it but it’s not great either yknow?

[themagiciansreccenter]

Author Spotlight: @thursdayeuclid

Every week we interview a writer from The Magicians fandom. If you would like to be interviewed or you want to nominate a writer, get in touch via our ask box.

First things first, tell us a little about yourself.

I'm a thirty-something disabled bipolar queer trans guy who publishes original m/m romance novels when I can tear myself away from fandom long enough to do so. I'm pretty blind without my glasses. I usually have blue hair, a nose ring, and a man bun. As Thursday Euclid, I write lots of happily ever afters, and as prettyclever, I do pretty much the same thing, except with other people's characters that I'm just borrowing from a surfeit of affection.

How long have you been writing for?

My first stories were written when I was a very young child, but I didn't try a novel until I was nine. It didn't quite work out--I couldn't sustain the work to complete a work of that length, and I was writing long-hand---but I tried again at twelve and managed to finish about 50k words. I had a tumultuous adolescence but eventually found myself in Harry Potter fandom in the early aughts, and then I took a long break trying to be a professional. Turns out, I couldn't stay away from tragic magical boys.

What inspired you to start writing for The Magicians?

I was irritated with how season four was playing out. I overly identify with Eliot Waugh--he's who I want to be when I grow up; I'm 37 so I'm running way behind schedule--and his relationship with Quentin was *so* important to me. When Quentin got back together with Alice, I was like, "This is it. I've gotta write fic."

That was the beginning. A few thousand words came of it. Ever since the season four finale, though, I've done nothing but write oodles of Queliot fic with my cowriter and best friend clancynacht/charlotteschaos in my every free moment. I was already reading Magicians fic, but there just wasn't enough novel-length Queliot to suit me, so me and Char are remedying that in our own weird way.

Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write? What it is about them that makes them your favourite?

Eliot, because he is me in so many ways, and in all the ways he is not me, he is pure fabulosity and sex appeal. Kady, because she is just the baddest bitch. She delights me to no end. Penny 40, because his sass is killer, as is his tsundere ish, and I just really miss him. Char always writes Quentin and Margo when we collaborate because she's fantastic at channeling them, so I stick to my own faves.

Do you have a preference for a particular season/point in time to write about?

I didn't really start writing fic until s4, but (extrapolated) S5 has been my favorite thing to write. I've also loved the Mosaic fic we're writing based on 3x5 and 4x5. Most of what I read is totally AU, though.

Are you working on anything right now? Care to give us an idea about it?

We've now posted like 225,000 words of Queliot fic, still working on Sound & Color, and we're also working on another novel-length fic for Magicians Hallmark Holiday Exchange as I type this. Since it's all anon, I can't tell you much about our story except that we've already written 65,000 words of it, and the mutual pining is real, y'all. It's very festive, and Quentin is an adorable sad boi and Eliot is very soft and spook and also protective.

How long is your “to do list”?

Char literally made a Basecamp list of everything I should be doing outside of fic, but when it comes to fandom, it's really just MHHE and Sound & Color. We write together really rapidly. For example, when we wrote It's Never Over, we were done with over 100k in a month.

What is your favourite fic that you’ve written for The Magicians? Why?

Definitely It's Never Over. It's crackalicious and full of book canon references, and it's the Magicians Season 5 Queliot fans deserve. I'm so proud of how that one turned out. I've never written a story in fandom that people were so passionate about, either. It was published immediately after that heartbreaking finale, and people really responded to how we resurrected Quentin. Also all the smut, because there's so much smut in that story. Sex magic left and right.

Many writers have a fic that they are passionate about that doesn’t get the reception from the fandom that they hoped for. Do you have a fic you would like more people to read and appreciate?

I hoped Sound & Color would get more attention than it did. It's a long, weird (not quite complete yet) trip through 3x5 A Life in the Day. There's already a lot of Mosaic fic out there, and it's a crowded field, although I think Sound & Color stands apart for being so complete and slice-of-lifey. It's not just focused on the most dramatic moments, but on their entire lives together from beginning to end because I couldn't get enough of imagining it. It's a long, thorough exploration.

What is your writing process like? Do you have any traditions or superstitions that you like to stick to when you’re writing?

I like to listen to Radiohead when I write. It's inspiring and relaxing and keeps the words flowing. Also, Char often creates Spotify playlists for our stories, and I'll listen to those to set the mood as we write. Sometimes I listen to Kpop while writing too, because I only understand one word in fifty and it provides excellent background rhythm.

Because I collaborate with Char on just about everything, we used to write together in Google Docs before migrating our process over to OneDrive through Microsoft Word, which also lets us see each other's work in real time and edit each other's additions to the story. In a lot of ways, it's similar to roleplaying, which is why we can write 100k in a month without getting burned out. We've been working together like this for more than ten years now, so we've got it down.

Do you write while the seasons are airing or do you prefer to wait for hiatus? How does the ongoing development of the canon influence and inspire your writing process?

I prefer writing canon-compliant stories during hiatus and writing AUs while the seasons are airing. Historically, I tend to only read in a fandom until hiatus, and then I start writing. Coming from a book-based fandom (Harry Potter), Magicians feels very different dynamically and has different demands.

What has been the most challenging fic for you to write?

Definitely The Fake Dating One Where El's Parents Come to Visit, because it was different from what I'm used to writing. For one, it was short(ish) and two, Eliot's parents were drawn from my parents, who are also extremely religious, conservative, small town bigots. It cut closer to the bone in a lot of ways, but it was also different because Quentin ended up taking a more dominant, protective role, really exhibiting his innate bravery, and it was a little uncomfortable letting Eliot be rescued by Quentin just because I identify so much with El.

Are there any themes or tropes that you like particularly like to explore in your writing?

Idiots in love, mutual pining, fake dating, dicks & daddy issues, biphobia and bi erasure in queer culture, mental illness, family of choice, friends-to-lovers

Are there any writers that inspire your work? Fanfiction or otherwise?

Lev Grossman, JK Rowling, JRR Tolkien, George RR Martin, Stephen King, NK Jemisin, Owlet (her Infinite Coffee series is incredible if you like Stucky), and Olen Steinhauer.  

What are you currently reading? Fanfiction or otherwise?

I just finished reading Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari, which I admit I read just because Chris Evans recommended it, and wow am I glad I did. Changed the way I look at the world.

Now I'm working my way through the Inheritance Trilogy by NK Jemisin, the Raven Tower by Ann Leckie, the Fever King by Victoria Lee, and All the Old Knives by Olen Steinhauer.

What is the most valuable piece of writing advice you’ve ever been given?

Practice makes perfect. If you don't give it your best every day and work on it even when you don't feel as inspired, you'll never develop the muscles it requires to perfect your craft.

Are there any words or phrases you worry about over using in your work?

My characters murmur way too much. Also honestly, just, like.

What was the first fanfic that you wrote? Do you still have access to it?

It was called "Isildur's Bane" and it was a really insanely nerdy LOTR fic about Isildur and the One Ring. It was gen, and it had none of the characters/pairings people actually wanted to read about, but I was damn proud of it. I have no idea what happened to it. It's been almost twenty years.

Rapidfire Round!

Self-edit or Beta?

For fic, Char and I edit each other as we go. I'd love to have an actual beta, but I do not have one.

Comments or Kudos/Reblogs or Likes?

Comments feed my soul. They used to give me anxiety, but now they are my everything.

Smut, Fluff or Angst?

angst with a happy ending

Quick & Dirty or Slow Burn?

slow burn, to read and to write

Favourite Season?

Season Three

Favourite Episode?

All That Hard, Glossy Armor

Favourite Book?

The Magician’s Land

Three favourite words?

herculean, susurrus, callipygian

Want to be interviewed for our author spotlight? Get in touch here.

[feministlikeme]

1. Before explaining something to a woman, ask yourself if she might already understand. She may know more about it than you do.

2. Related: Never, ever try to explain feminism to a woman.

3. Trans women are women. Repeat that until you perish.

4. RESPECT PEOPLE’S PRONOUNS. It’s not hard.

5. Remember that fat women exist and aren’t all trying to get thin. Treat them with respect.

6. In fact, just never comment on a woman's body.

7. Be kind to women in customer service positions. Tip them extra. (But not in a creepy way.)

8. Trust women. When they teach you something, don't feel the need to go and check for yourself. And especially do not Google it in front of them.

9. Don’t maintain a double standard for… anything, ever.

10. CLOSE YOUR LEGS ON PUBLIC TRANSIT, OH MY GOD.

11. Trying to describe a woman positively? Say she's “talented,” “clever,” or “funny.” Not “gorgeous,” “sweet,” or “cute.”

12. Examine your language when talking about women. Get rid of “irrational,” “dramatic,” “bossy,” and “badgering” immediately.

13. Don't think to yourself, I describe men like that too. A) You probably don't. B) If you do, it's to criticize them for acting like a woman.

14. Do you love “fiery” Latina women? “Strong” Black women? “Mysterious” Asian women? Stop. Pick up a book on decolonial feminism. Read.

15. Stop calling women “feisty.” We don't need a special lady word for “has an opinion."

16. Recognize women's credibility when you introduce them. “Donna is lovely” is much less useful than “Donna knows shitloads about architecture.”

17. Think about how you describe the young women in your family. Celebrate them for being funny and smart, not for being pretty and compliant.

18. Examine the way you talk about women you’re attracted to. Fat women, old women, queer, trans, and powerful women are not your “guilty crush.”

19. Learn to praise a woman without demonizing other women. “You're not like other girls” is not a compliment. I want to be like other girls. Other girls are awesome.

20. Share writing by women. Don't paraphrase their work in your own Facebook post to show us all how smart or woke you are. I guarantee the woman said it better in the first place.

21. Buy sanitary pads and tampons and donate them to a homeless shelter. Just do it.

22. How much of what you are watching/reading/listening to was made by women? Gender balance your bookcase.

23. Feeling proud of your balanced bookcase? Are there women of color there? Trans, queer, and disabled women? Poor women? Always make sure you’re being intersectional.

24. Don't buy media that demeans women’s experiences, valorizes violence against women, or excludes them entirely from a cast. It's not enough to oppose those things. You have to actively make them unmarketable.

25. Pay attention to stories with nuanced female characters. It will be interesting, I promise.

26. If you read stories to a child, swap the genders.

27. Watch women's sport. And just call it “sports.”

28. Withdraw your support from sports clubs, institutions, and companies that protect and employ rapists and abusers.

29. Stop raving about Woody Allen. I don't care if he shits gold. Find a non-accused-abuser to fanboy over.

30. It's General Leia, not princess. The Doctor has a companion, not an assistant. It's Doctor Bartlett, not Mrs Madame First Lady.

31. Cast women in parts written for men. We know how to rule kingdoms, go to war, be, not be, and wait for Godot.

32. Pay for porn.

33. Recognize that sex work is work. Be an advocate for and ally to sex workers without speaking for them.

34. Share political hot takes from women as well as men. They might not be as widely accessible, so look for them.

35. Understand that it was never “about ethics in journalism.”

36. Speak less in meetings today to make space for your women colleagues to share their thoughts. If you're leading the meeting, make sure women are being heard as much as men.

37. If a woman makes a good point, say, “That was a good point.” Don't repeat her point and take credit for it.

38. Promote women. Their leadership styles may be different than yours. That's probably a good thing.

39. Recruit women on the same salary as men. Even if they don't ask for it.

40. Open doors for women with caring responsibilities by offering flexible employment contracts.

41. If you meet a man and a woman at work, do not assume the man is the superior for literally no reason.

42. If you're wrongly assumed to be more experienced than a woman colleague, correct that person and pass the platform to the woman who knows more.

43. Make a round of tea for the office.

44. Wash it up.

45. If you find you're only interviewing men for a role, rewrite the job listing so that it’s more welcoming to women.

46. Make sure you have women on your interview panel.

47. Tell female colleagues what your salary is.

48. Make sure there's childcare at your events.

49. Don't schedule breakfast meetings during the school run.

50. If you manage a team, make sure that your employees know that you recognize period pain and cystitis as legitimate reasons for a sick day.

51. If you have a strict boss (or mom or teacher) who is a woman, she is not a “bitch.” Grow up.

52. Expect a woman to do the stuff that's in her job description. Not the other miscellaneous shit you don't know how to do yourself.

53. Refuse to speak on an all-male panel.

54. In a Q&A session, only put your hand up if you have A QUESTION. Others didn’t attend to listen to you.

55. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against trans or non-binary people, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for cis women, too.)

56. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against women of other races, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for white women, too.)

57. If you see women with their hands up, put yours down. This can be taken as a metaphor for a lot of things. Think about it.

58. Raising a feminist daughter means she's going to disagree with you. And probably be right. Feel proud, not threatened.

59. Teach your sons to listen to girls, give them space, believe them, and elevate them.

60. Dads, buy your daughter tampons, make her hot water bottles, wash her bras. Show her that her body isn't something to be ashamed of.

61. But dads, do not try to iron her bras. This is a mistake you will only make once.

62. Examine how domestic labor is divided in your home. Who does the cleaning, the childcare, the organizing, the meal budgeting? Sons, this goes for you, too.

63. Learn how to do domestic tasks to a high standard. “I'd only do it wrong” is a bullshit excuse.

64. Never again comment on how long it takes a woman to get ready. WE ARE TRYING TO MEET THE RIDICULOUS STANDARDS OF A SYSTEM YOU BENEFIT FROM.

65. Challenge the patriarchs in your religious group when they enable the oppression of women.

66. Challenge the patriarchs in your secular movement when they enable the oppression of women.

67. Trust women's religious choices. Don't pretend to liberate them just so you can criticise their beliefs.

68. Examine who books your trips, arranges outings, organizes Christmas, buys birthday cards. Is it a woman? IS IT?

69. And if it is actually you, a man, don't even dare get in touch with me looking for your medal.

70. Take stock of the emotional labor you expect from women. Do you turn to the women around you for emotional support and give nothing in return?

71. Remember that loving your mom/sister/girlfriend is not the same as giving up your own privilege to progress equality for women. And that gender inequality extends beyond the women in your direct social group.

72. Don’t assume that all women are attracted to men.

73. Don’t assume that a woman in public wants to talk to you just because she’s in public.

74. If a woman tells you she was raped, assaulted, or abused, don't ask her for proof. Ask how you can support her.

75. If you see a friend or colleague being inappropriate to a woman, call him out. You will survive the awkwardness, I promise.

76. Repeat after me: Always. Hold. Men. Accountable. For. Their. Actions.

77. Do not walk too close to a woman late at night. That shit can be scary.

78. If you see a woman being followed or otherwise bothered by a stranger, stick around to make sure she’s safe.

79. This should go without saying: Do not yell unsolicited “compliments” at women on the street. Or anywhere.

80. If you are a queer man, recognize that your sexuality doesn’t exclude you from potential misogyny.

81. If you are a queer man, recognize that your queer women or non-binary friends may not feel comfortable in a male-dominated space, even if it’s dominated by queer men.

82. Be happy to have women friends without needing them to want to sleep with you. The “friend zone” is not a thing. We do not owe you sex.

83. Remember that you can lack consent in situations not involving sex—such as when pursuing uninterested women or forcing a hug on a colleague.

84. Champion sex positive women but don't expect them to have sex with you.

85. Trust a woman to know her own body. If she says she won't enjoy part of your sexual repertoire, do not try to convince her otherwise.

86. Be sensitive to nonverbal cues from women, especially around sex. We’re not just being awkward for no reason. (You read “Cat Person,” didn’t you?)

87. It is not cute to try to persuade a woman to have sex with you. EVER. AT ALL. Go home.

88. Same goes for pressuring women to have sex without a condom. Go. Home. And masturbate.

89. Accidentally impregnated a women who doesn't want a kid? Abortions cost money. Pay for half of it.

90. Accidentally came inside a woman without protection? Plan B is expensive. Pay for all of it.

91. Get STD tested. Regularly. Without having to be asked.

92. Examine your opinion on abortion. Then put it in a box. Because, honestly, it's completely irrelevant.

93. Understand that disabled women are whole, sexual human beings. Listen to and respect them.

94. Understand that not all women have periods or vaginas.

95. Believe women's pain. Periods hurt. Endometriosis is real. Polycystic ovaries, vaginal pain, cystitis. These things are real. Hysteria isn’t.

96. If a woman accidentally bleeds on you, try your absolute best to just keep your shit together.

97. Lobby your elected officials to implement high quality sex education in schools.

98. Uplift young Black and Indigenous girls at every possible opportunity. No excuses.

99. Do not ever assume you know what it’s like.

100. Mainly, just listen to women. Listen to us and believe us. It’s the only place to start if you actually want all women to have a “Happy International Women’s Day.”

[roleplay-salt]

““Please consider investing in a disabled person’s quest for independence.” You know. Everything about you is pathetic. You are a manipulator and a fucking liar. You want to start a “small jewelry-making business” in order to be “independent” from the your friends and family? Because your “disability” prevents you from holding down a normal, minimum-wage job like everyone else? Your “disability” is nerve pain in your wrists, but it only ever seems to be a fucking issue for you when you want attention, or when you want to distract people from how horrible you are as a person, or when you want people to feel ingratiated to you, as if they now owe you after you went through the physically agonizing process of writing responses to their threads. After all, how gross are they if they don’t truly appreciate the nightmare you live in, unable to do much in your life because your arms are so fragile (according to you)? If your arms give you so much grief (you would think that they must be broken, or that you don’t even fucking have arms, with how often and dramatically you tell anyone and everyone about how disabled you are), then why are you trying to get people to fund a jewelry-making business for you? Something that requires skill, strength, and precision in your hands? You’re one self-important bitch to think you deserve to have your own fucking business (that involves a HOBBY you enjoy, wow. How many of us can say we have that? And that we DIDN’T need to take money from people who could have spent it on themselves?), completely independent from the rules and expectations of employment, when the rest of us don’t have that luxury - when the rest of us, too, have our own fucking problems to contend with, yet we will still recognize that if we want to get shit done in life, we have to toughen up and just do it. I remember the times when you would tell the group how hungry you were, but there was no food that you could eat that wouldn’t upset your stomach. You would tell us how anxious and panicky you were because your husband wasn’t making enough money in order to pay the bills, and you were frightened that your lights would get shut off, and so people would give you the money you needed. Of course, then I started learning about all of the shit you were buying. It’s normal to have your friends commission artwork and stuff for you from time to time. What isn’t normal is that somewhere along the line, you convinced them that you needed unnecessary, expensive things, including: 1) $200 for a customized plush doll of your muse. 2) $3,500+ Mac Unicorn computer because your other computer was “old” and getting “too slow”, though that doesn’t explain why you HAD to have the most expensive computer that Apple had on the market at the time. 3) $250+ on an SD actionfigure of your muse. 4) An expenses-paid trip to the fandom’s convention (TWICE if I remember it right). 5) Materials for your Lolita costuming hobby and the fashion events you went to with them. 6) Dragon software so that you could refrain from using your poor, delicate hands, but then you told me that you refused to use it because it was “too difficult” to adapt to (and a friend told me that if you were in legit pain, you would have treated the software like a godsend and dedicated your time to it so that it became easier to use, which is what it’s designed to do.) And then let’s not forget the things that you told me you were considering buying. Just the fact alone that you were considering selling off some of your ball-jointed dolls in order to either purchase a $1,000 actionfigure of your muse or a $500 actionfigure of your muse still disgusts me. Why not fucking sell your ball-jointed dolls to pay the bills you claim you don’t have the money for? Or for the fucking medical bills and medication and therapy sessions you made a GoFundMe page for when your insurance dropped you? I don’t trust you with this “business” dream of yours. If you managed to get your foot in the door and start selling your products, I know that the money you bring in won’t go to your fucking bills, or to help your family and friends as they had helped you. It’s going to go into buying shit you don’t need, and if anyone calls you out on it, you’re ultimately going to tell them that it’s “your” money, and you’ll spend it how you want. Evidence for this distrust is from the fact that I’m STILL hearing that you’re spending money on shit you don’t need. A $250 fundraising goal and you’re out spending hundreds of dollars on fashion items, including a $90 pair of shoes??? You need to grow the fuck up. You’re 35+ years old (by the way, stop lying about your age, too, you fucking creep, telling people you’re only 25), you’ve been unemployed for years and claim to be “poor”, yet you always have money to buy the stupid shit you want when it should be spent on the shit you need, and you’re nowhere fucking as disabled as you claim to be. Everyone I know has PTSD, too, and four people have unexplained nerve pain just as bad as yours, yet they all somehow manage to hold down day-to-day jobs and/or college classes, and none have ever made a donation post asking for financial help, even when they’re just as in dire need of it. You want to be fucking financially independent? Then why don’t you start it off by NOT doing the same fucking thing you’ve always been doing, begging for money from strangers and playing up your “disabilities” to win your way into their wallets. Instead, why don’t you stop buying shit you don’t need, sell the shit you don’t need, and start working on an allowance by working around the house for the people you live off of? While you’re at it, get rid of this idea that the world owes you something all because you were dealt a shitty hand early in your life. All of us have had shitty lives, but you don’t see us asking people to build our future for us.”

[equallyreal]

Unsolicited Opinion: The Characters of Pacific Rim (Part V)

Quick sidebar before we start the main essay, but who else is ready to fight Burn Gorman over his cryptic comments about how Newt and Hermann’s relationship has changed in Pacific Rim: Uprising? Burn, buddy, I love you, but you can’t tease me with these details when I have to wait another month. I can’t do it, man.

Anyways, on to the actual essay.

A common complaint about the film Pacific Rim is that the characters are kind of archetypal and flat and therefore boring. This is an assessment I soundly disagree with, for two reasons. One, being derived from archetype isn’t a bad thing as long as you do it well. Two, the characters of Pacific Rim, in my opinion, subvert or play with the archetype they’re derived from in interesting ways. This essay series will cover the ways the narrative achieves this. As a quick housekeeping note, I will only be using the film to make my points. At most, I may talk about a deleted scene, but the paracanon (novels, art of book, comics, etc.) will not be included in the discussion.

Today will be part two of the German Scientist duo in an essay I like to call, Dr. Hermann Gottlieb is Your Asshole Cat. As with my Newt essay, I’ll be keeping discussion of the two of them as a unit to a minimum, though there will be more talk of it here because a lot of Hermann’s plot and characterization hinges on how he relates to Newt.

To re-state a few points made in my Newt essay, the archetype that is shared between these two characters are the Scientist/Nerd. The general traits of this archetype are that they a) provide a lot of exposition, b) are generally ignored at least once by the main characters (and sometimes without any repercussions at all), c) have wildly eccentric personalities that lend themselves to comic relief, and d) don’t really do much beyond the abovementioned traits. Again, while the last archetype doesn’t always apply, it does usually apply to side characters like Hermann. Hermann, again, does provide a lot of exposition, and he does have an eccentric personality. His personality leads him to fall into two different subtypes of Scientist/Nerds. He also happens to be a subversion of both in ways that are fascinatingly interconnected.

Before we get to that, though, let’s cover the fact that Hermann, like Newt, actually is respected in his field and actually does get things done. Hermann has less action than Newt, to be sure, but his predictive model is used and respected by Stacker during the mission. It ends up being instrumental to the plot, and moreover they never would’ve figured out that the Breach reads genetic material without Hermann’s help. He’s not just sitting behind a desk wringing his hands—he’s actually doing things, and pretty dangerous things, too. Not as dangerous as being nearly eaten by two (2) different Kaiju in the space of a few hours, sure, but drifting with an alien hivemind and a dude whom you might not actually be Drift Compatible with is nothing to sneeze at.

Now, on to the subtypes of Nerd that are Hermann Gottlieb. The first of the subtypes is The Professor. You see these from time to time—usually British, usually wear a bow tie, very proper, probably don’t have any friends outside of their department. They’re stuffy, they’re out of touch, they probably don’t know what a cell phone is, or if they have one it’s a flip phone. Hermann does have a lot of these traits—sort of British (the character is German according to paracanon details, but seeing how they kept Burn Gorman’s accent and he says “by Jove” we’ll put him down as Basically British). He wears a blazer and a button-up. He walks with a cane (quick side note: while Hermann being visibly disabled isn’t a defiance of any archetype, it is nice to see a visibly disabled important character in a science fiction work, so jot that down). He’s stuffy about his rank, and definitely set up to be a deliberate visual and personality contrast to Newt. Newt is a punk rocker with no respect for authority. Hermann salutes military officers when he doesn’t have to and dresses like he’s been teaching math at Oxford for fifty years.

There’s one big thing that defies the archetype, though. If you didn’t catch it in the title, that trait is that Hermann Gottlieb is a catty bitch.

This is not a bad thing. In fact, I love every second of it. But before we talk about what the fact that Hermann is awful, let’s talk about the ways in which he’s less awful, but still different than what you’d expect from his character type. I’ve established in this series that most Pacific Rim characters have a line that really underlines their character. This is Hermann’s:

“Numbers do not lie. Politics and poetry, promises, these are lies. Numbers are as close as we get to the handwriting of God.”

There’s a lot to pick apart here about what this line says about Hermann’s worldview and such. The important detail we’ll be focusing on, however, is that Hermann says poetry is a lie…while being as dramatic and poetic as possible. Hermann is not a stiff-upper-lip type professor. He gestures, he prepares little holographic power points, he uses the phrase handwriting of God even as he tries to distance himself from that exact kind of language. Not only that, but he’s visibly emotional at several points in the film, showing concern, fear, and joy in a way that says he either doesn’t care who notices, or he’s completely incapable of controlling his face (either option is good). Characters of his subtype tend to be either robotic and very “emotions are dumb”, or very flowery and enthusiastic. Finding a character who tries to be one while actually being the other is interesting, gives Hermann a chance to work outside the usual boundaries of his character, and is kind of adorable to boot. Seriously, I won’t lie: I love this line to death.

And now, let’s return to the subject of how Hermann is terrible.

Keep in mind that his treatment of Newt is 100% warranted. Newt is terrible to Hermann for most of the run time. That kind of peer-bullying isn’t an uncommon dynamic, but Hermann isn’t purely Newt’s victim. He dishes it out just as much as he takes it. Even when he’s being nice, he’s mean. For instance, him saying, “Please excuse him, he’s a Kaiju grrroupie, he loves them” after Newt shoves his foot in his mouth is definitely a way of defusing a potentially volatile situation. But it also involves insulting Newt to his face, taking away any potential malice by saying, “No, he’s not being cruel, he’s just an idiot.” Really, Hermann will take any excuse he can get to insult Newt, including interrupting Newt’s exposition to call his plan crazy, in front of the two highest ranking people in the Shatterdome, no less. He barely waits until Stacker and Herc are out of the room before he starts gloating that Stacker liked his plan better. Again, Newt is awful to him, and I definitely understand why Hermann responds the way he does. I don’t point this out to say that Hermann is a bad person or anything. Newt deserves being told not to embarrass himself. It’s just not something you usually see in stuffy British professor sorts. That level of vitriol is unusual, and hysterical. I’d consider it a selling point for Hermann’s character.

It also slots him neatly into a character subtype that’s fairly easy to recognize, because it’s gained a lot of traction in recent years. I’m going to call this subtype the Asshole Academic. If you want an example, just turn on CBS and wait for a rerun of Big Bang Theory to come on. Sheldon Cooper is pretty much the Trope Codifier for this subtype. In the video “The Adorkable Misogyny of the Big Bang Theory”, Pop Culture Detective refers to this behavior as being “too smart to understand or care to understand what’s socially acceptable and what’s not”, and what that basically translates to is being an asshole to everyone. Hermann has shades of this in his treatment of Newt. It’s especially interesting to note in his dismissive attitude towards Newt’s branch of science and trains of thought. Newt exhibits the same line of thinking with regards to Hermann’s science, sure, but Newt never demands respect for his scientific accomplishments. Hermann does. He wants to be called Doctor, he refers to his “ten years of decorated experience in the field.” But Newt doesn’t get the same respect that Hermann wants, because in his mind Newt is a Kaiju-smelling idiot who by all rights probably should’ve died from his antics years ago.

(He never says this directly, but let’s be real, you can read it in between the lines.)

There are two things that jar him from this archetype, however. First of all, Newt is the only person he treats like this. Granted, this is hard to gauge when Hermann talks to a total of three characters, but he’s hyper-respectful to Stacker every time they’re onscreen, and cordial to Herc even when Herc snaps at him for griping about Newt in the middle of a briefing. Hermann seems to be the kind of guy who’s respectful by default, until you’re an asshole to him. As we’ve established, Newt is terrible to Hermann. They’re mutually terrible to each other—except for when they’re not.

That moment of when they’re not is what fully jars Hermann out of this subtype. There is a definitive moment when Hermann stops being terrible to Newt, and that’s when Newt almost dies. Hermann might be perpetually frustrated with Newt, and he might question Newt’s information one last time before being told to shut up, but he also gets Newt a glass of water and immediately gets him help. We never hear him say I told you this would kill you or hold it over Newt’s head that he almost died. While there is apparently some deleted footage of the two of them post him finding Newt, what is said between them is lost to time (also, Dark Del Toro release the forbidden Pacific Rim footage), and thus we can only assume that his response to finding Newt half-dead on the floor was to help him up, then go get Stacker without being a dick about it. That’s huge coming from the guy who could barely pass up an opportunity to indirectly call Newt a troglodyte. There’s also subtle glimpses of the dynamic shift during their conversation pre-Kaiju Drift, when Hermann is perplexed as to why there’s only two Kaiju and not three like he predicted. Newt is lowkey kind of an asshole about the whole thing, but Hermann isn’t really an asshole back. He says “I’m not wrong”, but never “No, you’re wrong, I’m right.” He says, “There’s something we don’t understand”, a comment that puts some of the blame for the situation on his own shoulders—Newt doesn’t have all the answers, but neither does Hermann, and he’s going to admit it. It’s a small detail, but a definite shift from his earlier “I’m definitely right and you’re definitely wrong” mentality.

Then there’s the Kaiju Drift. Everyone who knows about this film and loves this character has talked about this scene to death, so you’ve definitely read analysis of it if you’re a fan. One detail I want to focus on is the fact that it’s Hermann who holds out his hand to Newt, offering help. Again, coming from a guy who’s been predominantly harsh and dismissive, it’s a big deal. Sure, Hermann tries to mask it by pointing out that the alternative is the world ending, but he’s way too enthusiastic about the whole thing for it to be just duty. There’s no resignation, no hesitation about the fact that a guy he’s had multiple screaming matches with is about to poke around in his brain, no superiority. He’s nervous, absolutely, but he also attempts a fist bump/handshake, smiles, and says “own this thing” like a total nerd. Not to mention, there’s the fact that he also soft-initiates the bro hug they share in their final screen, shooting closer with a smile on his face that’s far removed from the grumpy scowl we saw him wearing a few hours earlier. Hermann might be an asshole to Newt, but he ultimately cares, and is more than willing to put aside his vitriol when Newt—and the world—needs it. That’s a hugely magnanimous gesture that you don’t usually see from the Asshole Academic.

In conclusion, Hermann, like Newt, is a bundle of contradictions—a very ordinary man who is both terrible and great, an asshole and a good friend, a man of logic and numbers who does the most illogical thing possible in the name of saving the planet. He moves beyond his archetype through his strong emotions and strong heart. Here’s hoping the sequel film is kind to him; I have high hopes that they’ll at least get his character right, but I wouldn’t say no to a character arc that’s a bit more standalone than the one in this film. Also, seriously, Burn, what do you mean Newt and Hermann’s relationship is more emotional? What does that mean, Burn Gorman?!

That’s all for this essay. Tune in next time for an essay I’m actually surprised I’m writing, in which we take a look at Chuck Hansen, the fakest Aussie in the world. If you like what you read and want to help me write more four-page single-spaced essays about the characters of Pacific Rim (not quite four full pages, but I was close!), consider leaving a donation on ko-fi or becoming a patron (links in the blog bio). Also, you should consider checking out my original fiction while you’re at it. I’m currently posting a fantasy story where half the party has anxiety and there are dragons (also linked in the blog bio). And thanks for reading!

[awkwardshanandagins]

It’s A Good Day To Feel Sorry for Myself

Friday, June 30, 2017, was a day I’ll always remember.  I wish I was saying that because something amazing happened in my life, but unfortunately, it was not amazing.  It was, however, life changing.

My lovely friend and hair dresser, Julia, worked me into a 7:00 a.m. appointment.  I told her a few days before that I was going to postpone getting my hair done since I’m not working and I don’t know if or when short term disability will kick in.  My pubey gray hairs were popping out all over my damn head but without knowing if I’m going to be paid, I didn’t want to spend money where I didn’t have to.  She wasn’t having it.  She knew how terrible I was feeling and told me I would feel better with pretty hair. S he convinced me to still come in and said she wouldn’t charge.  She’s one of my people.  She’s one you know will lift your spirits when you’re having a hard time crawling out of your black hole.  Not only was she not charging me, she worked me in when she didn’t really have an opening.  So 7:00 a.m. it was.

I always enjoy my time with Julia.  She is friends with my sister and my parents and she knows everything about our family.  She’s easy to talk to and always listens while I bitch about my problems.  Hair stylists are also therapists so if you can’t afford both, pick a hair stylist, you’ll get therapy too!

I was a nervous wreck on Friday.  It was day three into my three to five day wait for my MRI results.   Were they really going to make me go five days? That means I would have sat all weekend long just letting this shit eat away at me.

I had a doctor’s appointment that day at 10:10 with my OBGYN.  It was the post op to the laparoscopy I had the month prior.  I got there early, per usual.  My whole life is pretty much me showing up early to things and waiting.  It’s a problem.  Anyways, I’m checking in at the little kiosk Kaiser offers now and my phone rings. I could tell by the number that it was Kaiser calling me.  Dear lord, here we go.  It was Dr. Miller, my optometrist wondering if I had a few minutes.  I continued to check in while his voice rang through my head.  Honestly, I don’t even know how I checked myself in, I was not even paying attention to what I was doing.  Lucky for me, I’ve been spending so much time at Kaiser it was like second nature.  Dr. Miller informed me my MRI results came back and he did find white matter on my brain.  I’m using the term “white matter” loosely here.  I feel like that’s what he said but I don’t fully remember.  Basically, he found lesions throughout my brain.  He said he’d be referring me to a neurologist and they’d be calling me to make an appointment.  The lesions are what they look for to diagnose MS.  Don’t worry he assured me, it doesn’t mean I have it and the neurologist would be able to give me more answers.  Don’t worry? Okay sure.  He was able to diagnose the optic neuritis from the MRI so that was a definite.  Wooo!  One answer.  Finally, one definite answer. Also, don’t worry? You, sir, can suck it!  How do you not worry?  If anyone can answer that about any situation ever, I would be eternally grateful.  Anyone?  Bueller?

How do you not worry when so far you have every symptom of MS that you’ve seen.  First sign, optic neuritis?  Check!  Lesions on your brain shown in a MRI? Check!  Every other symptom I’ve been reading about for the last week and a half?   Check check check! It’s MS; I’ve already diagnosed myself.  Thanks, doctors, for starting to catch up.

I felt like I was punched in the gut.  I was now standing by the elevator which would take me up to my OBGYN appointment, only I wasn’t getting on.  Nope, instead I was standing in everyone’s way not realizing I was being the person I hate.  I cannot stand when people act as if only their presence matters and you can fucking walk around.   Once I realized I was blocking a man in a wheelchair, I stepped out of the way.  “So do I have it or not have it?”  I’m sure I sounded completely panicked and breathy.  It could really go either way he said.  He ended the call by telling me to write everything down because the neurologist would pretty much interrogate me.  He also informed me he couldn’t fill out the FMLA paperwork and to take it to the neurologist.

My boss had pretty much forced me into taking time off earlier in the week.  I’m pretty sure it was God working through her.  He knew I needed to not be working and that I wouldn’t step back myself so he shoved me into it.  Not working relieved stress over the past two days, but dealing with HR and FMLA added it’s own level of stress.

Checked in for my appointment, I sat down in the waiting room as far away from people as I could.  My eyes were welted with tears and I’m sure my face was as white as a sheet.  I sat there thinking what this means for my life.  Should I call my husband? Or maybe text him? I was frozen. I didn’t do anything.  I just sat there, staring at a wall, mouth half opened with a glazed over look in my eyes.  I definitely looked crazy at this point.  That’s okay, crazy keeps people away.

The nurse, Lisa, probably the kindest soul I had encountered in some time, called me back. “How are you?”  I’m okay. Lies! I was far from okay but it is not socially acceptable to verbally diarrhea all over someone when they ask how you are. They are asking to be nice, not because they actually want to know. “Well, how have you been feeling?” She looked back at me, which by this time we were under some awesome fluorescent lights which make everyone look like a fucking nightmare and said “oh, you don’t look like you feel well.”

I completely broke down and not just because we were now standing next to the scale I knew my fat ass had to get on.   Poor Lisa.   She was so kind.   She got me kleenex while waiting for me to pull my shit together.   I somehow got a few words out and let her know I just got some scary news and hadn’t had time to process.  She rubbed my back while I sniffled and snotted all over the place for a few more seconds. It’s not unlike me to cry in public.  I’m a fucking disaster like 90% of the time.  At least this time I had good reason.  I let her know the news I had gotten and her face looked genuinely sad for me.

The table was unusually low to the ground this time.  I thought to myself that Dr. Barton would have to kneel if he was going to get face to face with my vagina. How odd.  We went through the normal questions while tears continued to stream down my face.  I had at least pulled myself together enough to talk.  She told me to get undressed from the waist down and the doctor would be in shortly.  I thought today was just for talking, but lucky me, I get to unleash the vagina.

Dr. Barton came in and immediately patted me on the back.  He said Lisa informed him of what’s going on and that he was so sorry.  He sat in front of me, which I was at like chest height from the damn table being so low.  Awkward.  He told me how his mom had MS and that if she were alive today, she would have been a different woman with all the advances they’ve made with treatments.  We talked about my pain I was still having.  Pelvic pain has been a constant in my life so I assumed the surgery just didn’t do what we had hoped.  He was concerned there were other issues.  He pushed around on my abdomen while giving me the ol’ one-two POW.  You know, the two finger exam.  Everything hurt.   Everything. He got the cold metal rod out.  My favorite.  That felt like a fucking dagger being jolted into my uterus.  I had my head turned towards the wall, tears still streaming down my face.  He told me he wanted to look at my ovaries since he did the ovarian drilling; he wanted to make sure they were healing appropriately.  Out comes the giant wand.  I seriously wanted to cry just looking at it.  Oh that’s right, I was already crying.  Holy balls that thing hurt.

“Well you have a large cyst on your left ovary.”  Cool.  Do you want to just punch me in the fucking face while you’re at it?  Just add it to the list of reasons I’m feeling sorry for myself and let’s move on.  He let me know it definitely wasn’t there during surgery and had developed since.  He assured me this is good news because tumors don’t usually show up this fast so it had to be a normal cyst.  He said he’d watch it to be sure but he was almost certain it would go away on it’s own.  If not, it would require more surgery.  That’s a fun thought right now.  I really hope at this point, you can read the sarcasm in my head.

Not only was the cyst present, he was sure I had a uterine infection from the surgery.  He apologized that he caused that but said sometimes it just happens, even with the sterile room and tools used during surgery.  He felt genuinely bad.  He knew it was just adding to my sadness.  I assured him it’s not his fault, simply what my body does.  I got an infection when I had a uterine biopsy as well.  That PA let the infection go for a few months though.  At least he was catching this now.  He said my pain is from a mix of the cyst and the infection.  He ordered an antibiotic shot to give me for the infection and quickly realized he couldn’t give it to me because of my penicillin allergy.   Instead, I got a lovely 14 day supply of doxycyclene.  Fun!  Now I can’t even drink my problems away and to top it off, a yeast infection will be in my near future no matter how much yogurt I eat or probiotics I take.  I’m convinced at this point my body hates me.

Finished up the appointment with a urine test and a super long line at the pharmacy.  Dr. Barton scheduled me an appointment for the following Monday to check in on the infection.  If I am still in pain by then, he’s going to add another antibiotic into the mix.  The optometrist’s office called and had scheduled me a follow up appointment as well, for the end of July to check my vision.  The neurologist’s office called me while I was in line at the pharmacy. They scheduled me for July 17th.  Why in the world would they make people wait that long?  I’m pretty sure they are here to torture me.  Too dramatic?

I had a lot of time just sitting by myself throughout the 2+ hours at Kaiser.  I tend to be a dramatic person, I’m aware of this.  Usually by now, I would have texted and called all my family members to tell them what is wrong with me but today was different.  This was a lot.  I needed time to process and gather my thoughts.  I still had that panicky dumb face on throughout it all but it kept people far away from me so I didn’t even try to change it.

As soon as I got in my car, I let go.  I let the tears gush out.   There had been a very slow and steady trickle but now it was like fucking Niagara Falls.  I pulled it together quick.  There was a cute little family by my car looking around for their car.  They had no idea where they parked.  I sympathized.  I’m usually that person.

First call I made was to Paul.  I told him what was going on while I sobbed. Sobbing, driving, talking on the phone, all with only one eye.   I’ve gotten pretty good at this over the last week.  By the end of the call, I could hear him crying on his end.  This shattered my heart.  I cannot stand to hear my husband cry.  He has the softest and kindest soul of anyone I know.  I hate that he was hurting.  I assured him I would be okay and everything would be fine.  I like taking care of other people, it helps take the focus off myself.

I called my mom next.  She and my dad had just recently retired and were on a trip to Maine with my aunts and uncles.  They almost didn’t even go because of everything going on but I assured them they needed to go and have some fun.  There was absolutely nothing they could do so there was no point in canceling.  My mom was so sad at everything I had to tell her.  She wept on the phone and promised me she didn’t do cocaine while she was pregnant with me.  This has been an ongoing joke in my family for sometime.  We have sick humor.  I don’t know about anyone else, but I cannot handle when my parents cry.  It breaks my heart to hear them so sad.  I promised them I would be fine and they needed to enjoy the rest of their trip.

I called my sister and told her what was going on.  She and my parents are my biggest support after Paul.  She told me she’d be over to pick me up shortly because I needed to get out of the house and be around people.  As much as I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide, she was right.  We went and walked around Olde Town which is only a few blocks from my house.  We took her two youngest to the candy store and she and I got coffee at this cute little place called Global Goods.  We sat and talked and laughed.  My sister and I can always laugh.  We are our own biggest fans.  We find ourselves hilarious.  We went to the Army Navy Surplus store where I bought a pair of sweats I wanted to live in for the next few months.  I won’t actually allow myself to.  However, I am wearing them at this moment.  We all need a good pair of fat pants.   Then we headed to the library to check out some books and movies.  The library is my favorite place again.  I stopped visiting the library when I was super young.  I had been buying books I want to read over the past couple years which is so dumb. Why buy them when you can check them out for free?  Especially now that I’m not working.

I checked out a book on MS.  My sister opened it up and just so happened to start reading at a point where it said “it’s okay to feel sorry for yourself.”  Phew! Good thing because I’m in that stage hardcore.

I’m thankful my sister picked me up.  I didn’t know how much I needed her but I did.  She also ended up waxing my eyebrows which I didn’t even know how much I needed. They were quickly turning into a uni.  I spent the rest of that evening crying and shoving my face with pizza.   Probably should have eaten healthier at that moment but cooking was the last thing I wanted to do.

This has definitely not been one of my better weekends.  As much as I’ve been keeping myself busy, the crazy and usually depressing thoughts just pop back up at the most inconvenient times.  I know it will all be okay and in a sense, I am relieved at the news.  I have not felt well or even right for a few years.  Doctors have made me feel crazy as they’ve continually told me that I’m fine because my blood work was normal.  Obviously, not everything shows in your blood.  I should have pushed harder.  You definitely have to be your own advocate when it comes to doctors and I had let myself down the past couple years.

As devastating as the news is, I can see the silver lining.  There is now light at the end of this very dark tunnel.  I had given up hope that they would ever figure out why I always felt so terrible.  I had accepted the fact that I was probably just crazy and a hypochondriac.  I had accepted the fact that I was just always going to feel this way.  I no longer have to accept that.  With a diagnosis comes a treatment plan.  I can feel like a normal person again and that is something I never thought would come.

This is just yet another bump in the road on our infertility journey.  Life has some unexpected twists and turns but we’ll ride it out because we know God has good things in store for us, even though we may not understand his timing of it all.

[elusianknight]

Real talk tho my depression slouch last year was honestly because of EoE at least partly.

I'm involved in FB groups and I remember a post by a guy who was a singer and he couldn't continue his career because of his EoE. And that fucked me up.

I have a very mild case of Eosinophilic Esophagitis. By very mild I mean I still cough up food, it gets stuck in my throat, can't swallow things, burp up liquids when I drink them, always have to swallow things many times to get it down. I had 80 eosinophils per section (can't think of the word right now) ... and 15 or more is when you have it.

I call it mild because there are worse symptoms. Throwing up (of which I have a phobia), and food impaction (food getting stuck to the point of cutting off airway(?), not exactly choking because it gets stuck in the esophagus, but it can tear the esophagus and can be horrible if you have liquids too... have I mentioned that most people who have EoE who have food impactions try making themselves puke as the first solution of food impaction?)

I also have acid reflux as a symptom, which can damage the vocal cords apparently.

Like, not to be dramatic, but I seriously don't know what I'd do with myself if I couldn't sing anymore. That outcome would clearly be worse to me than.... basically anything else. If it's between not making myself worse by going on a dairy free diet, or potentially LOSING MY ABILITY TO DO WHAT I LOVE, I don't know why my dumb ass can't just make the decision to diet accordingly. But it's so hard and depressing... partly because I'm in college and the food here is terrible and I live on cereal and yogurt rn. I spent last year living on oatmeal, salad and French fries, the same shit every day, and it sucked. But most people have more than one trigger and have to go off much much more than just one thing. Most people find out they have EoE because they literally throw up everything they try to eat.

I'm scared of getting worse but I'm mad at myself for being a little bitch about doing what I need to do to try and fix it.

I don't feel sorry for myself much; with as many problems as I have, that's just no way to live. But when I'm suddenly reminded that I'm not like everyone else, those things pile up fast and can be overwhelming at times. :/

Only kind of related, but today I almost got mowed down by someone on a bike while walking to my exam. I either wasn't paying attention to where I was going, didn't see him cuz he was on my bad side, didn't realize he was close since it was dark and I have no depth perception anyway....... I'm thinking it was all of the above. But when he flew past me, missing me by.... well it seemed like he was close but my half blind ass didn't fucking know, I flinched REALLY abruptly and got mad because I couldn't stop thinking about how dumb I must've looked. And every time I don't see people on my bad side while I'm walking (aka always) it sucks because people must think I'm rude when I bump into them or don't move out of the way of something very obviously approaching me (that someone who could see on the right side would clearly see). I can never explain myself to these strangers and it sucks. A little heartwarming part of that tho, Sarah will tell me if something's coming on my right if we're together (or just straight up moves me out of the way) because she Knows and im just gonna throw it out there that I uh love my friends 10/10. People who are considerate of ur disabilities and issues without treating you like a child / being rude???? They exist but they're rare. I'm friends with unicorns.

Anyway not sure where this was going but if anyone feels like reading me rant incoherently about my issues in a lengthy, disorganized mess of text, it's your lucky day.

[sky-scribbles]

I made this so long ago why am I only posting it now.

Anyway... I love the combat and ambient dialogue in Dragon Age, and I love the fact that your own character will shout things in the middle of battle or if you click on them. To some extent, the dialogue is suited to your character, especially in DA2 where it changes depending on what temperament your Hawke has, but I thought to myself... how about going one step further and writing some completely unique dialogue sets for my OCs?

I’m starting with Dalton and Bryony Hawke, because DA2 is the best game for dialogue-during-gameplay. Hopefully I’ll branch out into my other DA characters soon, plus some from other games. Feel free to request a character for me to do this for!

Dialogue sets are under the cut because this is loooong. Turns out there are a lot of gameplay dialogue options in DA2. If anyone else wants to do this, I can make a blank template.

(I apologise in advance for not including Sebastian in my Hawkes’ reactions to downed companions, I don’t have his DLC yet. Gotta amend that...)

DALTON HAWKE

(Diplomatic mage. A soft-hearted, shy disaster who’d much rather be at home with a book.)

COMBAT

Entering battle: ‘Oh, no. Not again!’ | ‘Everyone, look out!’ | ‘Get behind me!’ | ‘Oh, Maker… come on, Dalton, you can do this.’ | ‘Right… time for some lightning.’ | ‘Something tells me they’re not going to talk about this.’ | ‘I am not alone!’

Engaging demons: ‘You keep away from my mage friends! … And from me too, I suppose.’ | ‘Have you ever thought of entering into a mutually beneficial contract with - no, no, clearly not.’ | ‘Your preying on our world is over!’

Engaging darkspawn: ‘This is for Bethany!’ | ‘I’ve grown since Lothering!’ | ‘You creatures won’t hurt the people I love again!’

Engaging a dragon: ‘Oh, dear Maker…’ | ‘All right. Slay the dragon, Dalton, you can do it!’ 

Engaging boss: ‘Look out! This one’s big and that’s never good news!’ | ‘I think this’ll be a tough one!’ | ‘This’ll be a challenge. We stand together!’

Combat ongoing: ‘Mind the fireballs!’ | ‘This is a fight right out of the tales!’ | ‘Get away from my friends!’ | ‘It doesn’t have to be this way, you know!’ | ‘Focus, Dalton, focus!’ | ‘Right, I think I’ve got this!’ | ‘For Kirkwall! That sounds dramatic, right?’ | ‘I’m a mage, you know, this really isn’t a good idea!’

New enemy wave: ‘Look out, everyone – there are more of them!’ | ‘Dear Maker, more! Just when I thought we were done!’ | ‘I hope everyone’s up to facing another round!’

Successful kill: ‘There! Done!’ | ‘Another one falls.’ | ‘I got one! Did you see that? I did it!’ | ‘One down. Whew.’| ‘Return to the Maker.’ | ‘I’m sorry, but you left me no choice.’

Unsuccessful attack: ‘Maker, why isn’t this working?’ | ‘No effect! Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic...’ | ‘Well, that, um, didn’t work.’ | ‘Right, that doesn’t hurt it! Not good!’ 

Out of range: ‘My spells are falling short!’ | ‘I’m going to need to get closer! Wish me luck!

Stealthed enemies: ‘Keep an eye on the shadows!’ | ‘Enemies in the darkness! Watch each other’s backs!’

Combat ended: ‘Is anyone hurt?’ | ‘I have a few healing spells, if anyone needs them…’ | ‘I can stop pretending to be the mighty warrior now. It really doesn’t come naturally to me.’ | ‘We made it! … Of course we did.’ | ‘We’re alive! I should have a bit more faith, shouldn’t I?’ | ‘Good work, everyone!’ | ‘… Who buries these people? The bodies always seem to vanish.’

Low health: ‘Is anyone free to heal me?’ | ‘I… I think this is it for me…’ | ‘Well, if I die, at least it’ll be dramatic!’ | ‘I’m losing blood, and that’s usually not a good thing!’

Low mana: ‘I can’t cast! Oh, this isn’t good!’ | ‘I’m losing focus here!’ | ‘Can’t concentrate…’

Injured: ‘I don’t suppose someone could patch me up?’ | ‘I need to treat this, or I’ll slow you all down.’ 

Revived: ‘Thank you. Thank you so much.’ | ‘Don’t worry about me, I’ll be all right.’ | ‘Sorry to leave you in that alone, everyone.’ | ‘All right, Dalton. For future reference: duck.’ | ‘I’m not dead! That’s… that’s a good start!’ | ‘Bethany… seems you’ll have to wait for me a bit longer, little sister.’

Party member knocked down: - Carver : ‘No! Carver, hold on! I won’t let them take you!’ | ‘Don’t leave me, brother! Not like this!’ - Aveline: ‘Aveline?! Is she actually… Maker, we’re all doomed!’ - Varric: ‘Don’t die on us, Varric! We need you!’ - Anders: ‘Anders, no! You can’t die! Please!’ | (Romance active) ‘Anders! No – stay with me, love!’ - Merrill:  ‘Merrill! It’s all right, I’ve got you!’ | ‘Hold on, lethallan, I’ll help you!’ - Isabela: ‘We’ve lost Isabela! Someone cover her!’ - Fenris: ‘Fenris is down! Keep them away from him!’

Taking a potion: ‘I’ll study more healing later, I promise.’ | ‘No one else needs this, do they?’ | ‘Good thing I like the taste of elfroot!’

GENERAL

Stuck: ‘Um… I may need some help here, I can’t move!’ | ‘Is anyone free to give me a hand? I’m stuck!’

Offering help: ‘Perhaps you need the magic touch.’ | ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ | ‘I’ll have a stab at that, if you like.’

Disabling trap/opening lock: ‘There, all done!’ | ‘Oh! I didn’t think I’d be able to do that.’ | ‘Is there anything else I can help with?’

Failing to disable trap/open lock: ‘I can’t work magic, you know. Uh, I  mean, I can, but…’ | ‘Um… Varric? Isabela? Someone not me?’ | ‘I could… possibly melt it. But not finesse it.’ | ‘Sorry, I, um, don’t think I can.’

Given unsuitable weapon: ‘This is… pointy? Maybe give it to Fenris, he likes that sort of thing.’ | ‘I’m good with a staff and not much else, I’m afraid.’ | ‘If I try to wield that, I’ll just hit myself, I know it.’

Spoken to while idle: ‘Oh! Um… sorry, lost in thought.’ | ‘What? Oh, hello. Sorry, I was watching that spider. It’s making its web in a very interesting pattern…’ | ‘Have you heard the Dalish tale of Melana the Wise? I was just thinking that this reminds me of the part where she… sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I?’ | ‘I hope this doesn’t last long. I was reading a good book before we set out.’ | ‘Do you need my help with something?’ | ‘Is something wrong? Are you hungry? I brought cake with me.’  | ‘Cheer up. I’m making scones when I get home, you’re welcome to them.’

AREA-SPECIFIC

Spoken to while idle in -

Hightown (Day): ‘Keep an eye out for pickpockets. I can’t help but admire their skill, but… losing purses is a bad idea.’

Hightown (Night): ‘Does anyone ever wonder where all these street gangs appear from? They just seem to drop from roofs. I wonder if we could learn to do that…’

Lowtown (Day): ‘Maybe I should drop in on Gamlen. He might be in a good mood for once, it’s always worth a try.’

Lowtown (Night): ‘Keep your eyes on the shadows. Night plus dingy alleyways equals people with knives, and that’s never good news.’

Elven Alienage: ‘I love how the elves decorate the Vhenadal. I wish we painted our houses like that.’

Docks (Day): ‘I’ve spent hours looking out over the sea here. Ferelden’s out there, across the water. I miss it.’

Docks (Night): ‘Look at the moonlight on the sea! It… dances. Light on water is one of the most beautiful things there is.’

Darktown (Day): ‘Keep an eye out for cats, everyone. Anders is still looking for one.’

Darktown (Night): ‘It’s dark here, isn’t it? I mean… yes. It’s called Darktown. As in, a town that’s dark. I should probably stop talking.’

The Hanged Man: ‘I think we’re breathing more alcohol than air right about now.’  

Viscount’s Keep: ‘Merrill says there are sparrows in the rafters here. Do you think this place should get a cat, or maybe a trained hawk? It wouldn’t do for there to be bird droppings falling on the nobles.’

Chantry: ‘This place looks strong, but sometimes it feels so… fragile. Or is that just me?’ | ‘Maker, if you’d listen to an apostate’s prayer… help us. Help the mages. We need you.’

Qunari Compound: ‘Look! Qunari! Actual Qunari! Incredible! All right, Dalton, don’t stare.’  | ‘I have to include a Qunari character in my next book. Their culture is fascinating.’

Wounded Coast: ‘Anyone want to try skimming stones with me? … Maybe later, I suppose.’

The Bone Pit: ‘They should rename this place. Call it… the Sunshine Pit. No, doesn’t work. Nothing with pit in it sounds nice.’

Dalish Camp: ‘The Dalish are fascinating. I’ve spent hours reading about their traditions, but it’s not the same as actually walking among them.’

Inside a cave: ‘Caves in the books always seem to contain treasure, or dragons. Or dragons guarding treasure. Once there was a dragon made of treasure. Ah, that was a brilliant book.’

Inside a ruin: ‘This place feels full of history. Of course, it’s probably also full of demons and undead, so let’s not stop to take notes.’

Inside a warehouse: ‘I’ve read all kinds of stories about people smuggling mysterious things in crates. It would be interesting to search them, but… I expect they’re all full of fish.’

~

BRYONY HAWKE

(Sarcastic warrior. Uses sass as a coping mechanism for absolutely everything.)

COMBAT

Entering battle: ‘Why, hello there, dead people!’ | ‘I have a friend you need to meet! She’s called my sword!’ | ‘Oh, look. More fools who want to commit suicide.’ | ‘Here we go!’ | ‘Damn it… did I leave the fire going?’ | ‘Shield, check. Sword, check. Recklessness, check. I’m ready!’

Engaging demons: ‘Go back to Fade, you don’t belong here!’ | ‘So you want to stay in our world? We charge for demon tourism, and you haven’t paid!’ | ‘Your illusions can’t stop a sword.’

Engaging darkspawn: ‘That’s for Carver, you sons of bitches!’ | ‘I’ll spill your Tainted blood!’ | ‘Remember Lothering, bastards?’

Engaging a dragon: ‘For want of a better word... shit.’ | ‘I call the head! I’m going to mount it over the fireplace.’ 

Engaging boss: ‘Ooh, look. A big one. Wonderful.’ | ‘There’s a tough one coming, get behind me!’ | ‘Look out! Seems this one’s large and in charge!’

Combat ongoing: ‘Maker take you!’ | ‘Watch out! Small blonde thunderbolt coming through!’ | ‘See this sword? It’s gonna take you down!’ | ‘And down you go!’ | ‘Ostagar couldn’t kill me, and neither will you!’ | ‘For Kirkwall! For my friends! And for the stiff drink I’m having when I get home!’

Taunting enemies: ‘Over here, melon head!’ | ‘I’ve known stick insects tougher than you!’ | ‘Bring it on!’ | ‘Come and get me!’ | ‘Face me, coward!’

New enemy wave: ‘More of them! Where do they all spring from?’ | ‘Aaaand, more of them. Honestly, no consideration for our poor sword-arms.’ | ‘More? I should have checked under the bushes.’ | ‘They brought friends! Wonderful, let’s have a party!

Successful kill: ‘The name’s Bryony Hawke! Got that? Because it’s the name of the one who killed you!’ | ‘Go to the Maker’s side, if he’ll take scum like you!’ | ‘Look at that move! Except you can’t, you’re dead.’  | ‘Thank you, thank you, I will be signing autographs at the Hawke household this evening.’

Unsuccessful attack: ‘Take that! Nope, not working. Take… something else!’ | ‘All right, new plan. Where’s Varric? He’s good at plans!’ | ‘My trusty sword, you have failed me! Bad sword!’ | ‘Not working, damn it! And that’s one of my favourite moves!’

Out of range: ‘My sword’s a beauty, but she only reaches so far!’ | ‘What do you want me to do, throw my shield at them?’ | ‘I can’t reach that far! Perhaps if we all formed a chain of people…’ | ‘From this distance, all I can do is throw lethal glares at them!’

Stealthed enemies: ‘Eyes on the darkness, we’ve got tricksy little backstabbers.’ | ‘They’re attacking from stealth. Not very sporting!’ | ‘They’re stealthy, these ones! You watch my back and I’ll watch yours!’

Combat ended: ‘We live another day. Thank you, Maker.’ | ‘Are you writing all this down, Varric?’ | ‘Right, this fight’s going into the scrapbook.’ | ‘Ugh, there’s blood in my hair.’ | ‘I shouldn’t bother polishing my armour, should I?’ | ‘Maker, watch over us always as you did in this battle. Also, send us alcohol. Lots.’

Low health: ‘I’m lightly dying over here!’ | ‘Look at all the pretty blood. Except it’s not pretty, and I’m dying!’ | ‘Not going to make it. I’ll take a few of them with me!’ | ‘Maker, help me!’

Low stamina: ‘Breathing is good, Bryony… breathing’s good…’ | ‘S’all… spinning…’ | ‘Out of breath. And out of fancy moves.’

Injured: ‘Anyone ever heard of health potions? Because I could really use one right about now.’ | ‘Soooo… you’re just going to stand there and let me suffer? Good to know!’ | ‘Oh, I’m fine. Don’t mind me. Just bleeding profusely. No big deal.’

Revived: ‘Ow! My… everything!’ | ‘Ugh, my spleen hurts.’ | ‘My life is flashing before my eyes, and there’s not enough time spent in taverns.’ | ‘If Varric tells people about this, I’m going to throw him into the harbour.’ | ‘I’m up! You can all stop panicking.’ | ‘I want a refund for this armour!’ | ‘Carver?’

Party member knocked down:

- Bethany: ‘No! Not my sister! Not my sister!’ | ‘Bethany! Hold on, I won’t let you down. I won’t!’ - Aveline: ‘Aveline’s been taken down! The fabric of reality will break apart any moment.’ - Varric: ‘Varric, I’ll buy you a drink if you get back up!’ - Anders: ‘Anders! Damn it, we’ve lost our healer!’ - Merrill:  ‘I’m coming, Merrill! Just hold on!’ - Isabela:  ‘No, Isabela! You bastards, you’re not taking her!’  | ‘Isabela! Oh, that is it, you do not hurt a girl’s best friend!’ - Fenris: ‘Don’t you dare, Fenris!’ | (romance active) ‘Fenris! No, I’m not losing you too! I’m here! I’m here!’

Taking a potion: ‘Bleeeech.’ | ‘Anders, where are you? Your potions taste disgusting!’ | ‘Drinking solves everything!’

GENERAL

Stuck: ‘Oh, sodding… I’m stuck!’ | ‘Aaaand I’m stuck. Very smooth, Bryony.’ | ‘I could do with a hand! Or some replacement feet. Feet that aren’t stuck.’

Disabling trap/opening lock: ‘And there we have it.’ | ‘I am a genius!’ | ‘Come on, you little… got it!’ 

Failing to disable trap/open lock: ‘Do you want me to just break it? That would be more up my street.’ | ‘Here are things I am not good at: patience, dancing and anything lock-related.’

Given unsuitable weapon: ‘And what exactly do you expect me to do with that? | ‘Why would you give me this... thing?’ 

Spoken to while idle: (hopelessly out of tune) ‘And there's Andraste's mabari, by the Holy Prophet's side. In the fight against Tevinter, that dog would never hide...’  | ‘We planning on standing around yammering all day? I’m not exactly complaining if we are.’  | ‘Ugh, my boots are wearing thin...’  | ‘Onwards, my loveable misfits!’ 

AREA-SPECIFIC

Spoken to while idle in -

Hightown (Day): ‘Good morning, Hightown! Make way for the ragged bunch of heroes who save your sorry behinds on a daily basis.’

Hightown (Night): ‘If you see something lurking in an alleyway, blink once for ‘cat’ and twice for ‘evil bandit with knives.’

Lowtown: (Day): ‘Ah, Lowtown. What a joyous place. What sarcasm I speak.’

Lowtown: (Night): 'And the Maker said, what could be worse than Lowtown? And, in sadistic glee, he realised - Lowtown at night! And it was so.’

Elven Alienage: ‘Perhaps the people of Kirkwall feel better about living in a shithole if they force these poor sods to live in a deeper shithole.’

Docks (Day): ‘Salt, fish, and incredibly sweaty workmen. Why didn’t I bring something to block my nose with?’

Docks: (Night): ‘I need to go back in time and tell the ancient Tevinter how incredibly disturbing their statues look.’

Darktown (Day): ‘Who names places in Kirkwall? ‘Oooh, this place is high, let’s call it Hightown! This place is dark, let’s call it Darktown! Had they not heard of imagination?’

Darktown (Night): ‘I’m going to count how many seconds it is before someone tries to mug us. Record is three hundred and twelve seconds. One, two, three...’

The Hanged Man: ‘Now this is more like it!’

Viscount’s Keep: ‘I feel underdressed. When did I last cut my hair?’

Chantry: ‘Hey, Maker. It’s me, Bryony. You’ve got my back, right? Yup, yup, good to know.’

Qunari Compound: (Act 1) ‘Damned beasts, sitting here, longing to tear us apart. Just like that monster back in Lothering. What are they waiting for?’  | (Act 2) ‘You know, I think I misjudged these people. Seems they don’t want to be here any more than we want them to be. I can’t say I blame them.’

Wounded Coast: ‘... or the aching cove ... the suffering shore... the profusely bleeding strand...’

The Bone Pit: ‘Ugh, this place is the pits. (Pause) Get it?’

Dalish Camp: ‘If the people of the Dales are the Dalish, why can’t humans call themselves the Townish? Cityish? It would be much more fun.’

Inside a cave: ‘I call dibs on any treasure we find!’

Inside a ruin: ‘Something moved! Just there! ... Ha, got you. Nothing moved. Or did it?’

Inside a warehouse: ‘Someone remind me why we’re here?’

[fem-mem-mine]

Every year, I wake up on March 8 to a flurry of tweets from men wishing me a “Happy International Women’s Day!”

And every year, I find myself thinking: Well, thanks, but is that it? Is that all the support for gender equality that you can muster? For the entire year? It’s a nice sentiment, but at a time when the gender pay gap means that women in the UK work for free for 67 days each year, Black women in the US are three to four times more likely to die in childbirth than white women, and trans women in the US are four times more likely to be murdered than cis women, it doesn’t quite do it for me.

So, to ensure that men aren’t missing direction, a few years ago I started compiling a list of easy actions that men can take to meaningfully support gender equality. Every year, I would post it on social media. Slowly, other women started contributing suggestions. So the list grew. And grew. It will likely never stop growing.

The suggestions cover many realms of life—from home, to work, to the ways we interact with strangers, to the language we use—but it is in no way comprehensive. Below, I’ve included a mere 100 entries out of the several hundred I’ve crowdsourced and personally compiled.

To the men reading: You may already do some of these things, and others you may not be in the position to do. But a good place to start is by, at the very least, reading the list through—in its entirety. And remember: These apply all year, not just during the annual 24 hours dedicated to half of the planet’s population.

1. Before explaining something to a woman, ask yourself if she might already understand. She may know more about it than you do.

2. Related: Never, ever try to explain feminism to a woman.

3. Trans women are women. Repeat that until you perish.

4. RESPECT PEOPLE’S PRONOUNS. It’s not hard.

5. Remember that fat women exist and aren’t all trying to get thin. Treat them with respect.

6. In fact, just never comment on a woman's body.

7. Be kind to women in customer service positions. Tip them extra. (But not in a creepy way.)

8. Trust women. When they teach you something, don't feel the need to go and check for yourself. And especially do not Google it in front of them.

9. Don’t maintain a double standard for… anything, ever.

10. CLOSE YOUR LEGS ON PUBLIC TRANSIT, OH MY GOD.

11. Trying to describe a woman positively? Say she's “talented,” “clever,” or “funny.” Not “gorgeous,” “sweet,” or “cute.”

12. Examine your language when talking about women. Get rid of “irrational,” “dramatic,” “bossy,” and “badgering” immediately.

13. Don't think to yourself, I describe men like that too. A) You probably don't. B) If you do, it's to criticize them for acting like a woman.

14. Do you love “fiery” Latina women? “Strong” Black women? “Mysterious” Asian women? Stop. Pick up a book on decolonial feminism. Read.

15. Stop calling women “feisty.” We don't need a special lady word for “has an opinion."

16. Recognize women's credibility when you introduce them. “Donna is lovely” is much less useful than “Donna knows shitloads about architecture.”

17. Think about how you describe the young women in your family. Celebrate them for being funny and smart, not for being pretty and compliant.

18. Examine the way you talk about women you’re attracted to. Fat women, old women, queer, trans, and powerful women are not your “guilty crush.”

19. Learn to praise a woman without demonizing other women. “You're not like other girls” is not a compliment. I want to be like other girls. Other girls are awesome.

20. Share writing by women. Don't paraphrase their work in your own Facebook post to show us all how smart or woke you are. I guarantee the woman said it better in the first place.

21. Buy sanitary pads and tampons and donate them to a homeless shelter. Just do it.

22. How much of what you are watching/reading/listening to was made by women? Gender balance your bookcase.

23. Feeling proud of your balanced bookcase? Are there women of color there? Trans, queer, and disabled women? Poor women? Always make sure you’re being intersectional.

24. Don't buy media that demeans women’s experiences, valorizes violence against women, or excludes them entirely from a cast. It's not enough to oppose those things. You have to actively make them unmarketable.

25. Pay attention to stories with nuanced female characters. It will be interesting, I promise.

26. If you read stories to a child, swap the genders.

27. Watch women's sport. And just call it “sports.”

28. Withdraw your support from sports clubs, institutions, and companies that protect and employ rapists and abusers.

29. Stop raving about Woody Allen. I don't care if he shits gold. Find a non-accused-abuser to fanboy over.

30. It's General Leia, not princess. The Doctor has a companion, not an assistant. It's Doctor Bartlett, not Mrs Madame First Lady.

31. Cast women in parts written for men. We know how to rule kingdoms, go to war, be, not be, and wait for Godot.

32. Pay for porn.

33. Recognize that sex work is work. Be an advocate for and ally to sex workers without speaking for them.

34. Share political hot takes from women as well as men. They might not be as widely accessible, so look for them.

35. Understand that it was never “about ethics in journalism.”

36. Speak less in meetings today to make space for your women colleagues to share their thoughts. If you're leading the meeting, make sure women are being heard as much as men.

37. If a woman makes a good point, say, “That was a good point.” Don't repeat her point and take credit for it.

38. Promote women. Their leadership styles may be different than yours. That's probably a good thing.

39. Recruit women on the same salary as men. Even if they don't ask for it.

40. Open doors for women with caring responsibilities by offering flexible employment contracts.

41. If you meet a man and a woman at work, do not assume the man is the superior for literally no reason.

42. If you're wrongly assumed to be more experienced than a woman colleague, correct that person and pass the platform to the woman who knows more.

43. Make a round of tea for the office.

44. Wash it up.

45. If you find you're only interviewing men for a role, rewrite the job listing so that it’s more welcoming to women.

46. Make sure you have women on your interview panel.

47. Tell female colleagues what your salary is.

48. Make sure there's childcare at your events.

49. Don't schedule breakfast meetings during the school run.

50. If you manage a team, make sure that your employees know that you recognize period pain and cystitis as legitimate reasons for a sick day.

51. If you have a strict boss (or mom or teacher) who is a woman, she is not a “bitch.” Grow up.

52. Expect a woman to do the stuff that's in her job description. Not the other miscellaneous shit you don't know how to do yourself.

53. Refuse to speak on an all-male panel.

54. In a Q&A session, only put your hand up if you have A QUESTION. Others didn’t attend to listen to you.

55. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against trans or non-binary people, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for cis women, too.)

56. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against women of other races, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for white women, too.)

57. If you see women with their hands up, put yours down. This can be taken as a metaphor for a lot of things. Think about it.

58. Raising a feminist daughter means she's going to disagree with you. And probably be right. Feel proud, not threatened.

59. Teach your sons to listen to girls, give them space, believe them, and elevate them.

60. Dads, buy your daughter tampons, make her hot water bottles, wash her bras. Show her that her body isn't something to be ashamed of.

61. But dads, do not try to iron her bras. This is a mistake you will only make once.

62. Examine how domestic labor is divided in your home. Who does the cleaning, the childcare, the organizing, the meal budgeting? Sons, this goes for you, too.

63. Learn how to do domestic tasks to a high standard. “I'd only do it wrong” is a bullshit excuse.

64. Never again comment on how long it takes a woman to get ready. WE ARE TRYING TO MEET THE RIDICULOUS STANDARDS OF A SYSTEM YOU BENEFIT FROM.

65. Challenge the patriarchs in your religious group when they enable the oppression of women.

66. Challenge the patriarchs in your secular movement when they enable the oppression of women.

67. Trust women's religious choices. Don't pretend to liberate them just so you can criticise their beliefs.

68. Examine who books your trips, arranges outings, organizes Christmas, buys birthday cards. Is it a woman? IS IT?

69. And if it is actually you, a man, don't even dare get in touch with me looking for your medal.

70. Take stock of the emotional labor you expect from women. Do you turn to the women around you for emotional support and give nothing in return?

71. Remember that loving your mom/sister/girlfriend is not the same as giving up your own privilege to progress equality for women. And that gender inequality extends beyond the women in your direct social group.

72. Don’t assume that all women are attracted to men.

73. Don’t assume that a woman in public wants to talk to you just because she’s in public.

74. If a woman tells you she was raped, assaulted, or abused, don't ask her for proof. Ask how you can support her.

75. If you see a friend or colleague being inappropriate to a woman, call him out. You will survive the awkwardness, I promise.

76. Repeat after me: Always. Hold. Men. Accountable. For. Their. Actions.

77. Do not walk too close to a woman late at night. That shit can be scary.

78. If you see a woman being followed or otherwise bothered by a stranger, stick around to make sure she’s safe.

79. This should go without saying: Do not yell unsolicited “compliments” at women on the street. Or anywhere.

80. If you are a queer man, recognize that your sexuality doesn’t exclude you from potential misogyny.

81. If you are a queer man, recognize that your queer women or non-binary friends may not feel comfortable in a male-dominated space, even if it’s dominated by queer men.

82. Be happy to have women friends without needing them to want to sleep with you. The “friend zone” is not a thing. We do not owe you sex.

83. Remember that you can lack consent in situations not involving sex—such as when pursuing uninterested women or forcing a hug on a colleague.

84. Champion sex positive women but don't expect them to have sex with you.

85. Trust a woman to know her own body. If she says she won't enjoy part of your sexual repertoire, do not try to convince her otherwise.

86. Be sensitive to nonverbal cues from women, especially around sex. We’re not just being awkward for no reason. (You read “Cat Person,” didn’t you?)

87. It is not cute to try to persuade a woman to have sex with you. EVER. AT ALL. Go home.

88. Same goes for pressuring women to have sex without a condom. Go. Home. And masturbate.

89. Accidentally impregnated a women who doesn't want a kid? Abortions cost money. Pay for half of it.

90. Accidentally came inside a woman without protection? Plan B is expensive. Pay for all of it.

91. Get STD tested. Regularly. Without having to be asked.

92. Examine your opinion on abortion. Then put it in a box. Because, honestly, it's completely irrelevant.

93. Understand that disabled women are whole, sexual human beings. Listen to and respect them.

94. Understand that not all women have periods or vaginas.

95. Believe women's pain. Periods hurt. Endometriosis is real. Polycystic ovaries, vaginal pain, cystitis. These things are real. Hysteria isn’t.

96. If a woman accidentally bleeds on you, try your absolute best to just keep your shit together.

97. Lobby your elected officials to implement high quality sex education in schools.

98. Uplift young Black and Indigenous girls at every possible opportunity. No excuses.

99. Do not ever assume you know what it’s like.

100. Mainly, just listen to women. Listen to us and believe us. It’s the only place to start if you actually want all women to have a “Happy International Women’s Day.”

[ivehungtheskywithstars]

To the men reading: You may already do some of these things, and others you may not be in the position to do. But a good place to start is by, at the very least, reading the list through—in its entirety. And remember: These apply all year, not just during the annual 24 hours dedicated to half of the planet’s population. 1. Before explaining something to a woman, ask yourself if she might already understand. She may know more about it than you do. 2. Related: Never, ever try to explain feminism to a woman. 3. Trans women are women. Repeat that until you perish. 4. RESPECT PEOPLE’S PRONOUNS. It’s not hard. 5. Remember that fat women exist and aren’t all trying to get thin. Treat them with respect. 6. In fact, just never comment on a woman's body. 7. Be kind to women in customer service positions. Tip them extra. (But not in a creepy way.) 8. Trust women. When they teach you something, don't feel the need to go and check for yourself. And especially do not Google it in front of them. 9. Don’t maintain a double standard for… anything, ever. 10. CLOSE YOUR LEGS ON PUBLIC TRANSIT, OH MY GOD. 11. Trying to describe a woman positively? Say she's “talented,” “clever,” or “funny.” Not “gorgeous,” “sweet,” or “cute.” 12. Examine your language when talking about women. Get rid of “irrational,” “dramatic,” “bossy,” and “badgering” immediately. 13. Don't think to yourself, I describe men like that too. A) You probably don't. B) If you do, it's to criticize them for acting like a woman. 14. Do you love “fiery” Latina women? “Strong” Black women? “Mysterious” Asian women? Stop. Pick up a book on decolonial feminism. Read. 15. Stop calling women “feisty.” We don't need a special lady word for “has an opinion." 16. Recognize women's credibility when you introduce them. “Donna is lovely” is much less useful than “Donna knows shitloads about architecture.” 17. Think about how you describe the young women in your family. Celebrate them for being funny and smart, not for being pretty and compliant. 18. Examine the way you talk about women you’re attracted to. Fat women, old women, queer, trans, and powerful women are not your “guilty crush.” 19. Learn to praise a woman without demonizing other women. “You're not like other girls” is not a compliment. I want to be like other girls. Other girls are awesome. 20. Share writing by women. Don't paraphrase their work in your own Facebook post to show us all how smart or woke you are. I guarantee the woman said it better in the first place. 21. Buy sanitary pads and tampons and donate them to a homeless shelter. Just do it. 22. How much of what you are watching/reading/listening to was made by women? Gender balance your bookcase. 23. Feeling proud of your balanced bookcase? Are there women of color there? Trans, queer, and disabled women? Poor women? Always make sure you’re being intersectional. 24. Don't buy media that demeans women’s experiences, valorizes violence against women, or excludes them entirely from a cast. It's not enough to oppose those things. You have to actively make them unmarketable. 25. Pay attention to stories with nuanced female characters. It will be interesting, I promise. 26. If you read stories to a child, swap the genders. 27. Watch women's sport. And just call it “sports.” 28. Withdraw your support from sports clubs, institutions, and companies that protect and employ rapists and abusers. 29. Stop raving about Woody Allen. I don't care if he shits gold. Find a non-accused-abuser to fanboy over. 30. It's General Leia, not princess. The Doctor has a companion, not an assistant. It's Doctor Bartlett, not Mrs Madame First Lady. 31. Cast women in parts written for men. We know how to rule kingdoms, go to war, be, not be, and wait for Godot. 32. Pay for porn. 33. Recognize that sex work is work. Be an advocate for and ally to sex workers without speaking for them. 34. Share political hot takes from women as well as men. They might not be as widely accessible, so look for them. 35. Understand that it was never “about ethics in journalism.” 36. Speak less in meetings today to make space for your women colleagues to share their thoughts. If you're leading the meeting, make sure women are being heard as much as men. 37. If a woman makes a good point, say, “That was a good point.” Don't repeat her point and take credit for it. 38. Promote women. Their leadership styles may be different than yours. That's probably a good thing. 39. Recruit women on the same salary as men. Even if they don't ask for it. 40. Open doors for women with caring responsibilities by offering flexible employment contracts. 41. If you meet a man and a woman at work, do not assume the man is the superior for literally no reason. 42. If you're wrongly assumed to be more experienced than a woman colleague, correct that person and pass the platform to the woman who knows more. 43. Make a round of tea for the office. 44. Wash it up. 45. If you find you're only interviewing men for a role, rewrite the job listing so that it’s more welcoming to women. 46. Make sure you have women on your interview panel. 47. Tell female colleagues what your salary is. 48. Make sure there's childcare at your events. 49. Don't schedule breakfast meetings during the school run. 50. If you manage a team, make sure that your employees know that you recognize period pain and cystitis as legitimate reasons for a sick day. 51. If you have a strict boss (or mom or teacher) who is a woman, she is not a “bitch.” Grow up. 52. Expect a woman to do the stuff that's in her job description. Not the other miscellaneous shit you don't know how to do yourself. 53. Refuse to speak on an all-male panel. 54. In a Q&A session, only put your hand up if you have A QUESTION. Others didn’t attend to listen to you. 55. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against trans or non-binary people, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for cis women, too.) 56. If you have friends or family members who use slurs or discriminate against women of other races, sit them down and explain why they must stop. (This goes for white women, too.) 57. If you see women with their hands up, put yours down. This can be taken as a metaphor for a lot of things. Think about it. 58. Raising a feminist daughter means she's going to disagree with you. And probably be right. Feel proud, not threatened. 59. Teach your sons to listen to girls, give them space, believe them, and elevate them. 60. Dads, buy your daughter tampons, make her hot water bottles, wash her bras. Show her that her body isn't something to be ashamed of. 61. But dads, do not try to iron her bras. This is a mistake you will only make once. 62. Examine how domestic labor is divided in your home. Who does the cleaning, the childcare, the organizing, the meal budgeting? Sons, this goes for you, too. 63. Learn how to do domestic tasks to a high standard. “I'd only do it wrong” is a bullshit excuse. 64. Never again comment on how long it takes a woman to get ready. WE ARE TRYING TO MEET THE RIDICULOUS STANDARDS OF A SYSTEM YOU BENEFIT FROM. 65. Challenge the patriarchs in your religious group when they enable the oppression of women. 66. Challenge the patriarchs in your secular movement when they enable the oppression of women. 67. Trust women's religious choices. Don't pretend to liberate them just so you can criticise their beliefs. 68. Examine who books your trips, arranges outings, organizes Christmas, buys birthday cards. Is it a woman? IS IT? 69. And if it is actually you, a man, don't even dare get in touch with me looking for your medal. 70. Take stock of the emotional labor you expect from women. Do you turn to the women around you for emotional support and give nothing in return? 71. Remember that loving your mom/sister/girlfriend is not the same as giving up your own privilege to progress equality for women. And that gender inequality extends beyond the women in your direct social group. 72. Don’t assume that all women are attracted to men. 73. Don’t assume that a woman in public wants to talk to you just because she’s in public. 74. If a woman tells you she was raped, assaulted, or abused, don't ask her for proof. Ask how you can support her. 75. If you see a friend or colleague being inappropriate to a woman, call him out. You will survive the awkwardness, I promise. 76. Repeat after me: Always. Hold. Men. Accountable. For. Their. Actions. 77. Do not walk too close to a woman late at night. That shit can be scary. 78. If you see a woman being followed or otherwise bothered by a stranger, stick around to make sure she’s safe. 79. This should go without saying: Do not yell unsolicited “compliments” at women on the street. Or anywhere. 80. If you are a queer man, recognize that your sexuality doesn’t exclude you from potential misogyny. 81. If you are a queer man, recognize that your queer women or non-binary friends may not feel comfortable in a male-dominated space, even if it’s dominated by queer men. 82. Be happy to have women friends without needing them to want to sleep with you. The “friend zone” is not a thing. We do not owe you sex. 83. Remember that you can lack consent in situations not involving sex—such as when pursuing uninterested women or forcing a hug on a colleague. 84. Champion sex positive women but don't expect them to have sex with you. 85. Trust a woman to know her own body. If she says she won't enjoy part of your sexual repertoire, do not try to convince her otherwise. 86. Be sensitive to nonverbal cues from women, especially around sex. We’re not just being awkward for no reason. (You read “Cat Person,” didn’t you?) 87. It is not cute to try to persuade a woman to have sex with you. EVER. AT ALL. Go home. 88. Same goes for pressuring women to have sex without a condom. Go. Home. And masturbate. 89. Accidentally impregnated a women who doesn't want a kid? Abortions cost money. Pay for half of it. 90. Accidentally came inside a woman without protection? Plan B is expensive. Pay for all of it. 91. Get STD tested. Regularly. Without having to be asked. 92. Examine your opinion on abortion. Then put it in a box. Because, honestly, it's completely irrelevant. 93. Understand that disabled women are whole, sexual human beings. Listen to and respect them. 94. Understand that not all women have periods or vaginas. 95. Believe women's pain. Periods hurt. Endometriosis is real. Polycystic ovaries, vaginal pain, cystitis. These things are real. Hysteria isn’t. 96. If a woman accidentally bleeds on you, try your absolute best to just keep your shit together. 97. Lobby your elected officials to implement high quality sex education in schools. 98. Uplift young Black and Indigenous girls at every possible opportunity. No excuses. 99. Do not ever assume you know what it’s like. 100. Mainly, just listen to women. Listen to us and believe us. It’s the only place to start if you actually want all women to have a “Happy International Women’s Day.”

[mysurveys]

Random Qs

Survey #52 on the Countdown to 2018!

This one is from yesterday since I got home late, but at least it’s pretty current. I finished it close to midnight and it’s only 12:12 AM right now. I’m trying to post them as soon they’re finished.

How would you spend a day at the beach?

I would want to do more than hang out on the shoreline honestly. We're about two hours away from Galveston, TX.

I like going to the shops and some of the restaurants that look out on the beach. They also have an ice cream parlor that's great if it's summertime, but I'll go to the beach in the winter too.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness?

I've never had that, but my ears have popped from going up on mountain drives before.

Was the last show you watched a rerun?

I last watched an old Gojira film I recorded which was on El Rey Network during their Kaiju Christmas Marathon.

"Have a very kaiju Christmas. It's the best time of the year. There won't be snow or mistletoe, but have a cup of kaiju cheer.

Have a very kaiju Christmas. And in case you didn't hear: oh, by golly, have a jolly Kaiju Christmas this year." #KaijuChristmas

Is there any event you wish to remember more clearly?

I have a poor memory that falls in line with other learning disabilities, but there's one major benefit.

It's so much easier to live in the here and now when your memory isn't good. My problems used to be my long-term, but it's done a 180 on me.

When your school has a snow day, how do you spend it?

We only had an "ice day" that one time when everything iced over in SETX. So I stayed the hell indoors, what do you think?

For you, what's the hardest thing about writing?

Depends on the topic really. I don't find fanfiction that hard since I'm full of ideas, but I'm less motivated to write journal entries.

If you could change your gender for a day, would you?

I would always say I wouldn't, but now I think I'd try it for just a day. How would people treat me differently? It wouldn't be a bad thing to experience for only a day, but I wouldn't want to be a dudebro full-time.

Do you respond to the people that yell out their car windows at you?

I don't drive and my mother usually drives me. She doesn't incur people's wrath that often, but I don't yell out the window at anyone if they're yelling at us. The only one with road rage in our family seems to be my father.

What’s your biggest priority right now?

My health is almost always my number one concern. My genetics are terrible so I'm obese with diabetes and hidradenitis, and I had endometriosis back when I had a uterus, cervix and tubes.

All of my ills both physical and mental are my shitty genetic inheritance from both sides of my family. None of them are unrelated to my relatives.

Do you ever make a big deal out of nothing?

I don't dramatize things I find to be small since that's useless. But if you just brush off the feelings of someone you love by saying it isn't even a real issue then you might not be doing them justice.

I've known and loved some people who honestly dramatized everything, though, and I just didn't feed into that myself.

Did you pay attention to anything you were being taught in health class?

I didn't pay attention to most of my classes since a lot of things they teach in public schools here tend to be garbage, like popular myths in history class or the subjective and sometimes outdated information in English classes.

I only focused on a few different things in my literature arts classes and some art projects.

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself?

That's only happened once or twice. The last time I felt fatigued and wasn't allowed to get up for hours so I mostly watched TV that night.

I had my uterus, cervix and tubes all removed after dealing with endometriosis and other concurrent problems since my first period at age nine. But they treated me like I was much older. I should've been allowed up sooner.

What does it feel like to fall asleep in someone’s arms?

I've never found it very comfortable.

Do you recall the first time you learned the truth about sex?

My middle school was going to educate us on our periods, but they called it "Sex Ed" when they told our parents.

Mine assumed I was about to get the 411 on everything so my mother gave me "the talk" first in a bizarrely clinical way. Awkward.

How do you hold or position your pillow while you sleep?

I use two of them and sometimes I'll hug the edges.

What's a common sleeping position for you?

I prefer my right side unless I need to digest well.

Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet?

I remember doing that for my maternal grandmother as a kid and I didn't find it to be horrible.

Is there a food that makes you sick just thinking about it?

Not really, but I love foods like octopus and squid sashimi or even crawfish. I'm more open to foods that some people find gross. I've only ever thrown up after eating a lot of spinach. I really can't stand that on its own.

What's one thing you fantasize or daydream about doing?

I don't really do that regarding my own life, I'll just do that over fanfic ideas.

When was the last time you were on a swing set?

I haven't been on one since we lived in our second house, but I don't remember my age when I stopped using my swing set.

Have you ever had perfect attendance in school?

I don't remember.

Have you ever written anything on a bathroom stall?

I've never felt the desire to do that.

Do you find extreme bodybuilders attractive?

I'm not attracted to that at all.

Do you or would you own a pair of giant sunglasses?

I'd rather not.

Are your hands unsteady?

They definitely shake chronically after trying several medications in my late adolescence.

Are you envious of anyone’s artistic abilities?

I don't waste my time envying other people's talents and skills. If I want to do something myself then I'll focus on learning it since it's possible to do a lot without being innately gifted. If I can't learn it then I should focus on the gifts I've already got.

Do you ignore people when you’re mad or upset with them?

It's in my nature to confront things. I'm courageous, headstrong and outspoken so I don't retreat most of the time.

I've learned to just ignore people if they can't handle an honest conversation, though. If you're not mature enough to do that, I'm not going to bother paying attention to what you've got to complain about.

Are you starting to realize anything?

I just realized I need to get to bed soon. I'll continue this survey later today and I'm stopping at 2:35 AM on the 28th.

Are you okay right now?

I'm restarting this at 10:58 PM the same day and I'm doing really good after a night out with family members and a friend.

Is there anything you can never forget?

Short of amnesia or senility, there are tons of things I'm not going forget.

Are you stubborn?

Usually.

Has anyone told you that you’re amazing?

Yes.

Have you ever cried uncontrollably on a boy’s shoulder before?

I haven't done that on anyone's shoulder. I've cried on my mother's as a child, but I wasn't uncontrollably sobbing on her. That's not something I'd find comforting.

Looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now?

I never dwelt on the past or the future.

Who were you last in a car with?

My mother and my cousin.

What time did you get up today?

I don't know what time it was when I first woke up, but I went back to bed since I felt sick. It was about three in the afternoon when I finally got up and didn't feel so bad, though.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone?

I haven't.

Who called you at midnight on your birthday?

I'm thankful that no one does that.

When was the last time you saw your mom?

Just a few minutes ago.

What's the last thing you drank today?

Diet Mt. Dew.

Who did you last talk to in person?

My mother.

Is it easy for someone to make you smile and laugh?

It depends on my mood, the situation, who it is.

Do you ever choke on your own spit?

I remember that happening before throwing up since my saliva gets hot and I'll start drooling. /TMI

Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?

If I'm not good enough for someone else then I don't need them in my life. I don't need to be loved by everyone, though, I just need to be loved by God and a few good people. I am so I'm very blessed.

What’s standing in the way of what you want right now, if anything?

Realistically, there are things I can't have. The main thing is better health. I just have horrible genetics. Other things I could ask for are relatively minor and I have the things I honestly need in life.

Are you scared of moving on?

There isn't anything I've feared moving on from in my life. I'm pretty adaptable and some changes are great.

If someone loved you right now, would you want them to tell you?

I'm not interested in romantic love these days. But it would be better for them to get it off their chest and know that I'm not looking for a partner and that I may never feel that way about them. Rejection is better than unrequited love.

Is anything bothering you?

Not right now.

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight?

I sincerely hope not since I hate talking on the phone.

Have you ever loved someone older than you?

I think all of my exes have been older and I prefer them to be so by at least five years.

Has your partner ever stayed up with you all night?

Maybe on the phone? I'm not sure.

Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

I really don't remember if it was that long, but I know we spent hours.

Are you afraid to grow up?

I'm 31, thanks, and I'm more content as an adult than I was as a child.

Are you looking forward to anything?

We might be going to Galveston tomorrow depending on the weather and how everyone feels. I don't know, they've changed their plans so many times that looking forward to it is difficult now. If it happens then that's great.

Have you ever been called a bitch?

I've had friends call me an "alpha bitch" before, though. They know I'm outspoken, dominant, strong-willed, etc. That's not something that bothers me. It just depends on the context and intentions in that case.

If that's happened before with others in a negative sense, it wasn't by anyone I personally cared about. I don’t really remember.

Could you use some sleep right now?

If I'm getting up at nine tomorrow morning then I need to go to bed by at least one or two, but I'm not tired just yet.