#only 12 hours now.
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I'm already realy emotional about the regeneration episode tomorrow...
#doctor who#im already crying?#okay but what ar ehis last words gonna be THATS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW#only 12 hours now.
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#polls#yes these are all true#in order:#I hold my pen between my middle and ring finger#and yes it has caused both fingers to curve in weirdly#I had scarlet fever when I was 23#benedict arnold's wife? peggy shippen#so yeah#(I'm descended directly from her sister sarah#hence related to benedict by marriage but his children by blood)#two cross country road trips#two coastal road trips#several 12-14 hour drives#I have a typewriter now! and send my friends letters!#when I was 16-20ish#I used my older sister's old learner's permit to get into 18+ or 21+ concert venues in the city#I only used it to drink at one of those shows ONCE#mostly I just wanted to see music#the last CD I burned for someone was in 2019 don't look at me#I ran into a family from my very small hometown several thousand miles away#small world and all that#lauren says things
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hold awn a sec, do y'all notice just how often phil calls dan daniel these days? he's almost not even doing it exaggeratedly anymore, he uses it so randomly and naturally. like when dan was joking about phil posting the shoe socks vid in 1992, and phil just turned to him with that soft exasperated fond look and said "daniel" so quickly so simply and moved on immediately? hello? new roman empire unlocked
#dan and phil#dnp#rambles#yes i am only getting to watch the whole video now rip me#i was out for more than 12 hours today ahah. damn.#it was a good day tho#anyway best way to end a good day is with a new dapg video <3333 my fave gays
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How's the move going?
*shaky thumbs up*
#not residuum#i have already broken the sink and boxes are everywhere#half of our roomates stuff molded into unusablity durring storage#there is currently no wi-fi#and im about to pull 12 hour shifts three days in a row and then six days in a row total#but at least the house is so nice#and theres a tortoise that lives in the back yard#so overall we're pretty happy#stessed but y'know#moving#update wise i honestly don't think there will be an update until late june or early july#i've been sketching them out and have a few ready for inks#but i hate inking with the very depths of my soul and regret making them a standard every day lmao#so right now i only have the bandwidth for sketching#but until wifi... yea#👍
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Call Bull Peppino spicy bc he has a real kick to him-
But really don't touch his tail or sneak up on him, he kicks as a reflex fgdklfsdg
#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#bull peppino#the noise#noise will be fine probably maybe#but bullpino for today#any probably the only art for now bc I gotta go to the doctors in like 12 hours and I must sleep#so goodnight!!!
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BALDUR'S GATE III › ORIGINAL CHARACTERS 1/?
#bg3edit#tavedit#baldur's gate 3#bg3#gamingedit#bg3 tav#edits#it's impossible to tag them all but i'm glad i finally managed to make this ♥#only took 12 hours and will get 2 notes but! now i have them all in one place at long last#and i can better expand on them between here and google docs#i just know i'll end up with 30+ tavs like i did for dragon age and mass effect#but in the meantime please accept the kids spam ♥
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twin aus are fun bc sukuna is sooooo ugly and yuuji is soooooooo pretty and beautiful and lovely <3 completely understand why sukuna ends up the deliquent loser twin bc why would anybody choose him when <3yuuji<3 is right there
#this is a sukuna hate post 😐 the first of many to come.#ive been hating on geto (and will.) but you all should know i dont fuck with that ugly ass BITCH either!!!!!#itadori twin au is so fun in my head bc not only is sukuna the ugly loser degenerate twin he's also Younger than yuuji (by like. and hour..#it was probably hard to birth his big ass head) but like. yuuji is born at 11 something pm one night and sukuna is at 12 am the next day#so they NEVER celebrate their birthdays together as they SHOULDNT! cant blame yuuji for that !!!!#see also: sukuna hates and claims he can beat up all of yuuji's friends except nobara#bc when they were 4 he was mean to her and she took a hammer to his shoulder and he has never forgotten it#he's all talk 🙄 fraud watch#see also: choso doesnt usually interfere with the twins arguing except when sukuna does too much and now he has to be all Big Brother#it's also extremely hilarious to imagine youre dating yuuji and you two stop by his house#and hes like ah fuck he's here.. he's not supposed to be here 🙄 lets go! and ur like wait who is here what's going on#and too late. sukuna comes out of his room and hes on his way out and ur like what. who. yuuji what the fuck just happened#and hes like that was my brother..#and ur like. u... have a brother.... a twin brother? and NOBODY told me?????#and yuujis like yeah in an ideal world i would have never needed to bring him up 🙄
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#BRUHHHHHH I NEED ANOTHER TEASER I BEG YOU RIOT#ITS BEEN THREE YEARS I CANT WAIT TO USE NEW CONTENT FOR GIFS LMAO#personal tag#dont look at me im just here to complain about content drought lmao its really not good in fostering a healthy fandom ngl#because ppl will just hyperfixate and consume media for like a month and then the fandom goes poof right after lol#i miss all the people scrutinizing media every week i miss all the essays pumping out when content arrives#these days its just.... nothing lmao i only really still have arcane in my mind because of fanfiction and a lot of fics have been inactive#ik we're getting new stuff in a few months#and ik we're not in canceled shows hell but like#i really hope that if theres season 3 we're gonna get it a bit more regularly#i really miss it when content was like weekly or every 2 weeks because ppl and the fandom are wayyyy more active during those times#binge culture and netflix sort of changed it lol#i miss it when fandoms were huge!!! i miss it when it was so CHAOTIC lmaooooooooo#I MISS WAITING FOR LONG ASS HOURS WAITING FOR CONTENT TO RELEASE EVERY WEEK!!!! I MISS IT!!!! that was like what 12 years ago LOL#I KNOW arcane is special with their 3 year drought because it takes time to make arcane#but like..... idk man i miss content lmao#iirc they took too long to make s2 bc they have no idea if s1 would be even renewed#so i hope s3 will be a bit more regular now#anyways im gonna go bye bye
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I have 102 more pages to ink, and 15 days to do it in (12, realistically, considering the holiday). It takes me 2 full days to ink a chapter (roughly 20 pages). So it'll take me around 11 days to finish inking my book.
I can do it, I can hit the deadline.
I'm doing very, very little besides inking my book this month. Sorry for the lack of fun updates lol I'm having a Bella Swan November.
#me in my desk chair for 12 hours a day#do NOT say 'oh no' or 'oh how awful' on this post ONLY say 'wow you can do it! you're so brave and your meat is huge!'#this was not crunch of my own making btw... maybe one day in the future i'll write about it but for now#all i'll say is support your fave self/indie pub comics
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My husband has officially destroyed the lawn. He soaked the entire front yard in weedkiller. "Faster than waiting for it to compost."
The soil is now destroyed and a barren wasteland. I had planned on composting the yard in order to make it fertile and ready for native wildflowers. It would've been cheap and just a couple years od waiting.
Now?
Gotta remove all the destroyed soil and replace it because this is poison. Nothing will grow in it.
"Make it a box and pot garden."
That's actually more expensive. I need to acquire containers and soil, and something to cover what is now dirt because there are no roots holding anything down. This is a disaster.
He's upset I'm not grateful about him saving me time and work.
I cannot plant anything in the ground. This will take years to replace, and a lot more money.
This man wants to cover the backyard in cement and rocks with just a container garden. The only thing stopping him is lack of money and everyone else informing him he is being very stupid.
Any suggestions for how to deal with the dust bowl disaster of a front yard? It's full sun, zero shade, and likely little to no rain until September. I want wildflowers, native plants, plants that can help dirt recover into soil, attract butterflies and birds, low maintenance (wildflowers self-seed), and possibly a herb tower.
#chaosfay talks#this is not the first time he has done this. the only reason i was unaware of this until today is because he did it after mowing#yesterday. i'm extremely allergic to grass (hives if it touches my skin) and when it gets mowed the windows and doors remain closed for#at least 12 hours afterward because i do not want to die. but this? i was gonna kill the grass with lasagna style yard composting#and plant a bunch of sunflowers to pull toxins and heavy metals up. now i doubt they'll survive at all.
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I saw Gianni retweet your art on Twitter and I was like "I wonder if he knows...?"
I don’t think so >:3
Trick people into reposting gabe ass with one simple trick! Click here to find out how.
I didn’t even notice that happened cause I turned off all my notifications everywhere a few days ago for peace and quiet
#I don’t think most of the people who retweeted it know it was a shitpost at heart#most people aren’t on tumblr and that’s why it’s safe here#I mean we still got outed eventually but no one really checks tumblr unless they already have an account lol#I’ve had most of my notifications off for a long time but I got rid of everythin now#I can only be reached by messenger pigeon aka when I decide to check the notes or inbox#no one did anything wrong btw I just turned em off cause I suck at interacting with people and it’s easier for me to just not know#too many people followed for that erm well I hope they know I will probably never render like that again cause I just Do Not have the time#if I ever get a job that doesn’t take 12 hours a day I could draw more 🫡#ask#asks#non voice post
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Vettonso x Similar Helmets
SV Germany 2012 x FA Monaco 2013: Gold & Dark Red
I think a lot about Vettonso and their mutual relationship witn gold. They're both golden boys, they're both seen lit gold by the sunshine on many podiums throughout the years, both have worn golden boots, and as you can see here: both have worn golden helmets. The parallels in these particular helmets makes me feel insane. Both are: gold with dark red accents, both have their birthplace's coat of arms(Bergstraße and Asturias), both have team animal motifs, and both have symbols to represent their two championships(You by now know the signifigance of the ones on Fernando's helmet, but I think the ones on Seb's are actually a callback to his Formula BMW days when he used to put the smiley stickers on his car for every win.)
And did you know both of these helmets were designed by the same helmet design company? Yep, both of these are JMD helmets. I know JMD helmets are/were pretty popular, but still, there's something to me about Fernando commissioning the same designer that Seb has been using since he was a literal child. Parallels, am I right?
SV Japan 2010 x FA Japan 2023: White with Black & Red
Haha I remember @protocolseben and I discussing this a bit back in September when Fernando's helmet dropped. I honestly think Seb is such an innovator and trailblazer in terms of helmet design, and you can see his influence in helmet design as recently as this past season. I'm not sure if he was the first ever driver to don a matte white helmet with red accents as a representation of the Japanese flag, but it certainly envoked him in my mind when I saw Fernando's!!
I think Fernando's is pretty similar to all of Seb's 2010-2012 Japan helmets but I like this one the most so! I think if Seb wasn't restrained by the Red Bull logo, he def wouldv'e put the red circle where Nando put his so I think Fernando did a really good job, even if unintentionally, at emulating Seb's sense of design.
SV Singapore 2012 x FA Singapore 2012: Sparkly!
Like I said in the one above, it's crazy how much Seb influenced helmet design. He was pretty much the pioneer of sparkly helmets for Singapore, right? It drives me absolutely insane that there's actually pictures of them together in such similar designed helmets. It's kinda funny actually that even though they're pretty deep in the championship fight at this point, and Seb just got one up on Fernando; Fernando is wearing a helmet that is a direct influence from Seb!!! Is that not insane???
Also, Fernando trying to be camp with trying the now in vogue sparkly Singapore helmet, and Seb accidentally completely blew him out of the water with his outrageous light up LED constellation helmet. But god yeah....to have pics of them in matching helmets from this era particuarly makes me emotional ;;;
SV Hungary 2021 x FA 2022: Pink with Dark Blue
I really could've picked any of Seb's 2021 helmets, but I thought this one matched the best with Fernando's main 2021 helmet(with the color pallet.) Also one thing, it's crazy how much control BWT has as a sponsor, I don't think I've ever seen another sponsor go so hard at having a chokehold on individuality. I like that we got pink liveries and pink helmets, but I don't think they should have that much control.
I'm almost kinda sad there wasn't any Miami GP in 2021, because I think that was the only unique helmet Fernando had in 2022. But these match pretty well! Pretty in pink!! It's crazy that their parallels in the 2020s are ongoing even before Fernando actually takes over Seb's seat. Thanks BWT I guess?
SV Abu Dhabi 2022 x FA Abu Dhabi 2022: Fernando's Seb Tribute Helmet
AND HERE WE HAVE THE PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE!!! The ultimate conclusion, it literally couldn't get better than this!! This is still unbelievable, like how is this an actual thing that happened!? Fernando intentionally branding his helmet, the only symbol of individuality in F1, with his rival's flag colors, HIS FLAG!!!!! Not to mention the literal "Vettono Best Moments" collage he posted alongside it....and the hand-holding....and everything that happened with them at Abu Dhabi 2022....
But god, after years of incidentally making parallel helmet designs, Fernando decided to officially tie the knot of the red string of fate, and make a helmet directly referencing Seb's. I think it's funny because as I said with two of the previously mentioned ones, those Fernando designs are pretty much inspired by Seb's, and here he is openly making one directly inspired by Seb. I don't really have words for how this actually makes me feel because it's just. Yeah. The most open and clear declaration of love and respect and admiration one could ever make. TO ME.
#all of my posts subheading should be: 'its probably not that deep BUT-'#i can't believe ive made two deeply researched and beloved posts in a row one day after the other#posts sponsored by: 12 am red bull consumption. my all-consuming devotion and love for vettonso. and my unwillingness to do schoolwork#i mean i felt a lot of emotions and had fun making it but like. hey. could you put this effort into school?#anyways feeling deeply emotionally affected about helmets and their symbolism#i think in the entirety of f1 seb and fernando are two of the most dedicated and passionate about helmet designs and symbolism?#so this post is very special to me :] helmet fuckers unite <3#again: they say they aren't friends and don't share any hobbies and im just staring at them like YOU IDIOTS!!!#its just that spongebob meme of him pointing out the trashcans. like guys. be fr rn. you totally share hobbies#both like helmet design. paddel and pingpong. sustainability. cars. racing. european football. THE LIST GOES ON AND ON#well im glad they swapped helmets at some point(i think nando gave seb two pretty old ones as well. now thats dedication!)#if they werent cowards i bet they couldve also had a 5+ hour long discussion about helmet design ;;;;;;#thinking also about how fernando has one of seb's in his museum >:) but if only it were one of the ones on this list. sigh.#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#well lmk if theres any other vettonso helmets you think are similar!!! im pretty blind to seb helmets that arent rbr era tbh#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#f1#formula 1#vettonso#we do a little bit of f1
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Life Tracker updated for Episode 7! This one is much quicker than Episode 6 on account of not being on holiday at the time, even though there were two thirds more deaths this time. Previous posts: Session 6, Session 5, Session 4. Also Session 8 (finale) post!
As usual, close ups and commentary below the cut. I’ve also added another graph for the average time of each team, which will also be below the cut.
There was so much carnage! 45 whole deaths in a single session! Not all deaths were awarded time during the session, but Scott’s video advised that it would be added by next session, so I have taken the liberty to add all the time as I see fit, hence why Scott is back to 7.5 hours. I haven’t seen every episode yet (in fact, other than Scott, I’ve only seen those that have perma-died), so I’m not sure if anyone else’s time is a mismatch, but if so I’m happy to explain where I’m getting my time additions and subtractions from!
Now for some close ups.
First, there was enough chaos that I decided to take a close up of Session 6 and 7 together so we can properly appreciate it:
And a close up of Session 7 by itself:
So many people lost major time, so it’s interesting to see Scott’s uptick of time at the end - he ended on only 30 minutes less than he would have been if he hadn’t died at all this session. Pearl didn’t die at all, and got the kill credit for Martyn blowing himself up in a trap, so she actually ended the session 30 minutes better than she started it. Grian also did very well for himself - he killed and died so many times, but somehow ended on the exact time he would have been on if he had experienced a peaceful deathless session.
BigB, Cleo, and Martyn all ended the session 1 hour poorer than they started, and Bdubs and Scar ended 1.5 hours below where they would have been. Nosy Neighbours are thus doing super well, with Mean Gills and Clockers not too far behind, in terms of maintaining position from the start of the session.
TIES had an awful time this session, with Impulse and Tango both losing a net 2 hours, and Etho and Skizz losing a net 2.5 hours - and obviously Skizz entirely died.
Joel possibly had the worst time, losing a net 3.5 hours this session - though it didn’t help that 5 of his 7 deaths were all caused by the one person. Technically Jimmy didn’t do too badly, given he only lost a net 1.5 hours... but given that he was out of the series only an hour into the session, and also the first out entirely... it really didn’t go well for him either
I also find it interesting the sheer number of vertical lines this graph, the ones representing a death immediately followed by a kill or vice versa. I would love to figure out a way to show only one line at a time on the graph, so we can more easily see someone’s journey, but I haven’t had time to look into it yet.
Now onto the graph of the average times per team.
This one is super interesting to me, especially TIES’s line - they had the lowest average life right from the start, but somehow by Session 4, through Session 5, and for most of Session 6, they were the team with the highest average time, and then it quite literally went downhill from there. The only thing saving them from being last now is the fact that the Bad Boys are down to only a single living player, and even then Grian is doing far better than most of TIES.
It’s also interesting to me how Mean Gills had a significant time uptick at the end of both Session 6 and Session 7 (the first due to Martyn and the second due to Scott). Scott’s time was so high that it kept Mean Gills’ average time as yellow for all of Session 6 despite Martyn being red for most of it... and Martyn then got enough kills to keep it there. Mean Gills is also the only team in the entire graph to anywhere gain such consistent significant time.
These averages also coincide with the comments I made above about the time offset difference for each player from the start to end of the session. Mean Gills are doing well, but they’ve been doing well for so long that I’m sure most players are aware that they need to be a target. Nosy Neighbours are also doing well but I feel like they’ve flown under the radar, and are not a significant target right now.
Here is a close up of this graph with Sessions 1-4:
And the close up for Session 5-7:
And the Session 7 only close up:
I kept the dead players in the teams’ averages, since I think it is a better reflection of the teams’ strength as a whole, but I also created a version that excluded dead players. In those screenshots you can really see Bad Boys’ and TIES’ time jumping up at a death, instead of falling as it did here.
Here are the alternate averages graph:
And close ups:
This makes Bad Boys look a lot better, because Grian does have a lot of time... but he is also alone. And there is definitely strength in numbers. Two players at an hour and a half each can fend off an attacker more easily than a single player at three hours can... unless nerves and panic get to them, as we definitely saw this session.
Wow and I almost forgot to include the raw data for this session!
The first hour of the session:
The second hour of the session:
There is just so much death! Look at all the box outlines!! I could barely fit this data on two screens on the zoom I was on, and I did not want to zoom out further.
I also obviously have data for the averages, but it was too far away from the column with the times on it that I wasn’t sure if it would still be useful on its own? Let me know if you want to see it!
This has once again been fascinating to see, and I cannot wait to see how Session 8 will go. Will it be the last session? Will they go until everyone is dead? Will they somehow have enough people with enough time to get to Session 9? Will Mean Gills be the final two and get to play fun relaxing games like Scott was suggesting?
Only time will tell.
#limited life smp#24lsmp#limlife#once again i hate trying to work out what tags for a post#i got to this point in the tags before i realised i forgot to add the number data#i still love that impulse accidentally killed scott and became yellow again#and that scott also became yellow again#so there was less than 14 minutes between there still being two yellows on the server... and jimmy permadying#thirteen minutes and 41 seconds exactly by my calculations#which is crazy given we had whole sessions of yellows only#which meant it was hours between last green and first red#so less than a quarter of an hour between last yellows (and two of them!) and first permadeath is crazy#i always ramble in the tags bc i dont know how to wrap the post up#why do i always post these as im going to bed#its after midnight and im yawning now#anyway enjoy!#very glad i got to post this before the weekend ended this time#well it was still sunday when i started writing the post#its 12:15am on monday now. technically#my spreadsheets
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Hey, not to alarm you two, but I think Gustavo is coming in.
Peppino, I’d suggest prepping an explanation, and maybe tell Pep to stay calm and use the grounding exercises we taught him.
If you don’t think Pep is up to it though, there’s a box out next to the dumpster. It seems to be his safe place.
Pep, don’t worry, people a lot smarter than me can help put the pieces together, but for now we need you to breathe. You’re in the restaurant right now, and you’re safe.
Peppino: "Gus is here???"
Gustavo: "Sorry, we're late, Peppino! Brick saw a cat, and we ended up the next town over-"
Peppino: "GUSTAVO!!!"
Gustavo: "AAA-!?!?"
Peppino: "GUS!!! MY CLONE THAT I FOUGHT IN THE TOWER WAS LIVING IN THE DUMPSTER FOR A MONTH, AND HE CAME IN AND WE TALKED, BUT HIS LITTLE MAGIC BOX OF A THOUSAND VOICES TATTLED ON HIM AND HE HAD A VERY MELTY PANIC ATTACK, AND THEN I WAS PUPPY-DOG EYED INTO LETTING HIM STAY AND WORK HERE, AND THEN WE WERE COOKING THE PIZZA AND HE HAD A MEMORY ABOUT USING A KNIFE, AND THEN HE JUST TURNED INTO SOMEONE ELSE FOR A SECOND AND NOW HE'S HAVING ANOTHER PANIC ATTACK, AND IT'S BARELY INTO THE AFTERNOON, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!!!"
Gustavo: "You know I am always happy to help you, Peppino, but can you please explain that again a little slower?"
Pep: *muffled hyperventilating*
Pep: "!!!"
Pep: "Si tahw...?"
Pep: "Efas... Mraw... …Tfos si…"
Gustavo: "Oh, good job, Brick!"
Peppino: "Yes, thank you, Brick. She's nice to cuddle with, huh, Pep?"
Pep: "...Mhm..."
Peppino: "Good, good. Now, what were your-a friends saying? There's a box outside? Would you like me to get it?"
Pep: "...Yes please..."
Peppino: "Alright, I will be right back."
-
Peppino: "Oh, there is-a box here..."
Peppino: "Oh... It is conveniently covering that hole in the wall I forgot about... Mm, fixing it will have to be put off again... Getting stuff for Pep is more important."
Peppino: "Hm? What's this? 'Peppino's Special Things'? I should-a bring this inside too. Must be important to Pep."
-
Peppino: "Pep, I got your box! But are you-a sure it's the right one? It seems-a really small for you-"
Peppino: "!!!"
Peppino: "Well, that answers that. You feel better?"
Pep: *quiet but relived gurgle*
Peppino: "Good. Here, let's let you rest with Brick and with-a your friends. It's been quite the day for you."
Peppino: "Okay, so Gus and I are going to-a continue the work day, but we'll put your pizzas aside for later, and when you feel up to it, you can finish them off. But if you feel like resting for the rest of the day, that's alright too. Does that sound okay?"
Pep: *soft burble that vaguely sounds like the word 'okay'*
Peppino: "Alright then. We'll be in the kitchen if you need us."
(Gustavo and Brick (the Rat) are now available for asks!
Pep is having a little break and is too tired to form a mouth, but you can still leave asks for him)
#pizza tower#fake peppino#peppino spaghetti#gustavo and brick#translation: “What is...?”#“...Is soft... Warm... Safe...”#I didn't mean for this to be so frickin huge but here we are#you guys were excited for Gus and Brick huh#also Pep is full puddle mode for the moment#you can only have so many panic attacks in the space of like 12 hours before your body gives up#he will be okay tho!#can't leave my boy sad!#but right now it is sleepy time#story post
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Who's ready to whack me with the this-fool stick I just realized I've been accidently giving myself intrusive thoughts for like two weeks [wheeze]
#knox rambles#YA BOI MAY BE STUPID#me: surely thinking about this oc that has intrusive thoughts she dwells on will not affect me#me 12 days later: ee gads#note to self: maybe dont sit in the mental state of mentally ill ocs every hour of every day if ya aint mentally well urself#MY BAD ON THAT ONE RIP HDHDGDHDJF#HEY GUYS BE MORE SELF AWARE THAN MEHFKFJJFJFKG#y'know this wouldn’t be a problem if i didnt get so emersed in writing ocs but by gods its the only way i know how to write em HDJFJKG#[ad voice] Are YOU giving YOURSELF intrusive thoughts via the content you create/consume? find out now! try self reflection. hindsights a bi
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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