#one piece humour?

[troythecatfish]

[beaulesbian]

Nico Robin in One Piece ep. 1094

[buff-muffin]

Robin has always had a little bit of a dark sense of humour throughout the anime but it really comes out post timskip, which really implies to me that this is Sabo’s fault. He made one joke about popping a human skull like an egg, and Robin’s first response was that the brain was far too tough to simulate an egg yolk, you with need to pulverise the brain first to get it close to that consistency. And I feel like from that point on they kept making really twisted jokes at each other with sweet little smiles and that’s how they bonded. After all they seemed close in dressrosa :)

[botanautical]

'We all yearn for the woods. That's why every fellow on this island wants to settle down near a tree - just one will do.'

[kuravix]

You might want to check out the promo vid for the new OP volumes release

Edit: Now on youtube

[potatopassenger]

This is why Usopp was against you joining the crew Sanji

[cardiacass]

Distance made the heart grow fonder

[introverting-rn]

edgeworth: you have work to do, phoenix. stop slacking off. *slides paper to him*

(the paper: do u like me tick yes or no)

phoenix, who has never done paperwork in his life, trying to figure out what this means: 🤨

[homemadebabka]

LMFAO

[rahuratna]

JJK: Encounters across the animeverse

Part 1: Na Nami Nami

Happy birthday to Nanami and Nami!!

This is crack. I have no adequate explanation.

Nanami had a feeling about today.

The strange vortexes he'd been hearing about had not yet made an appearance on any of his own missions. Gojo and Itadori had been together when one such anomaly struck. They'd been investigating a large and seemingly dangerous spike in cursed energy, when they had been caught in an unnaturally strong electric storm.

The vortex (portal, whatever that swirling maelstrom had birthed) had opened before their eyes and ejected a ... person. If that's what it could be called. The person in question was a very tall skeleton wearing a feather boa, a top hat and had been in possession of an afro-style hairdo.

This very strange individual had taken one look at Gojo, complimented his beautiful blue eyes and asked to 'see his panties'. Needless to say, Yuuji had been telling the story for days on end, crying with laughter every time, and Gojo had been looking quite sulky. Nanami secretly wished he could have been present for that.

The skeleton had introduced itself to Itadori and Gojo as 'Brook, the musician' and proceeded to play them a series of beautifully rendered musical pieces. Nanami was, once again, slightly jealous. All he encountered on mission were cursed spirits who tried to eat him. Why couldn't he ever come across a flashy skeleton with musical talent and an afro?

The most pressing question of all had not been answered, though. What exactly was Brook? He had given Itadori and Gojo the impression of being in possession of some power and skill, enough to keep them on guard. But all he'd done was play them a couple of songs and then, when the portal had reappeared, he'd lifted his top hat, blown Gojo a kiss and disappeared.

In light of these events, Nanami was ready. If any portal opened up near him on one of his missions, he was certain to investigate it thoroughly. Not that he was longing for something like that. No, not at all. He wasn't the kind of sorcerer who looked to spice up their missions with the mysterious or unexplained. Nothing exciting to see here, for anyone who cared to look at the increasingly long list of monotonous slog work he had to get through ...

Straightening his coat, Nanami sighed and picked up the pace. He had a possible exorcism in a meat packing facility to get through. Oh joy. Nothing like bringing home the bacon. 

The facility in question was in the industrial zone just outside Shibuya. Surrounded as the building was by many other such plants, Jujutsu Tech had made full use of their contacts within the police department to clear out the area and make sure that no employees were on the premises. Nanami entered through the cordoned-off front doors and made his way carefully through the lower floor. If his information was correct, the higher grade spirits had installed themselves on the upper floor.

Somewhere outside the facility, thunder rumbled. As he made his way carefully up the staircase, Nanami began to feel an eerie sensation. It was the feeling he had grown to associate over the years with a spike in cursed energy, but this was somewhat different. This felt ... off. He could sense the proximity of the cursed spirits on the floor above, and something else.

There was a sudden commotion on the floor above. Something had alerted the spirits to his presence, perhaps, because their energy signatures were going haywire. He could hear their aggressive ghoulish shrieks echoing down to where he stood on the stairs. And ... was that ... a woman screaming?

Without warning, a loud electric clap of noise sounded from close by. The clean smell of burning ozone told Nanami that this was no longer a safe area to be. Something about the similarity to Gojo and Itadori's encounter was keeping him in position, however. Would he also be encountering something ... strange today?

Swearing under his breath and taking the stairs three at a time, Nanami prepared himself for battle, his sword drawn and at the ready.

What was going on? Hadn't the facility been cleared before he'd arrived? Had someone been missed?

Of all the strong, brave and capable members of the Straw Hat crew, it had to happen to her. Not that Nami didn't think of herself as capable, she was just ... capable in a less overt, more sneaky sort of way.

The first of their crew to experience it had been Brook. He had been playing a lazy afternoon refrain for them, after one of Sanji's sterling suppers, when the freak storm had come lashing by and sucked him right into what looked like a portal of some kind. Nami hadn't thought too much of the storm, initially. Such strange weather phenomena were common occurrences on the Grand Line. But the portal had been ... new. She'd certainly never seen anything like that before.

They had all been frantic after losing Brook, but he'd reappeared, unharmed, after a few hours from a similar portal, waxing lyrical about a 'blue eyed beauty who could outmatch the dawn'.

Sanji had been horribly jealous, but the rest of the crew were just relieved that their musician was back intact.

The monster shuffled past, and she had just breathed a sigh of relief when the boxes were swept away by a powerful blow. Nami screamed and moved in the same instant. Her cat burglar reflexes were probably the only thing that had saved her from being beheaded. Knees shaking slightly, she looked up from where her quick somersault had taken her, locking gazes with what looked like some kind of praying mantis monstrosity, its rolling eyes following her with predatory intent.

And now, this. And boy, was Nami's luck just enviable. Unlike Brook's idyllic little jaunt with a pair of pretty blue eyes, she was in some kind of dingy building being hunted by creepy monsters.

Monsters? Nami didn't know if that's what they really were. All she knew was that she had to control her breathing really carefully, because right now, one was walking right by her hiding place, it's horrifying, gargling whispers about 'canned beans on toast' reaching her from where she crouched behind some boxes.

Nami felt real fear begin to take hold of her. This was no game. This thing was trying to kill her. And it didn't look like any of her skill with words and sleight of hand would do her any good here. Reaching for her belt, she slowly drew her Climatact. She wasn't sure how it would function here, but she could at least manage a small distraction. Readying herself for flight, Nami was about to try something, anything, when he arrived.

The only warning she had was the tap of heavy footsteps behind her, a rushing sound as he passed right over her head and the powerful wave of energy that coursed from the weapon he held as he brought it down on the praying mantis creature's head. There was a horrific squelching noise as the monster split apart down the middle, purplish liquid pouring from the gaping wound that bisected it.

The man stepped back, flicking his blade with a quick, neat motion, cleaning it of excess blood. Something about the motion, as well as the height and power of the man, reminded her a little of Zoro. He turned to her, and she saw a stern, angular face, neatly combed blonde hair and eyes hidden behind a strange pair of shaded glasses. She wondered briefly how they stayed on his nose.

"Are you all right?"

His voice was deep, reassuring and melodic. Nami felt more at ease immediately, but her experience with all manner of scoundrels on the high seas kept her on guard. For now, she'd keep up the 'damsel in distress' act.

"I - I'm fine, I suppose. Thank you! And ... what exactly is that monster?"

He eyed her in silence, and she wished he would take the glasses off. His expression was unreadable. Finally, he sniffed and turned away, his voice carrying to her over his shoulder.

"Those are cursed spirits. Not everyone can see them."

Scrambling to her feet, Nami followed him. She had enough sense to know her ticket out of this place when she met it.

"Cursed ... spirits?"

"They infest places like this. And it is my job to ensure that they are removed."

"So ... you're some kind of battle priest?"

The man coughed slightly.

"Hm. Not quite. But before we go further, I must insist that the formalities are dispensed with."

"What do you mean?"

To Nami's surprise, the man stopped and bowed before her.

"Nanami Kento. Grade one jujutsu sorcerer. And you are?"

"A ... sorcerer? And did you say ... Nanami?"

"Ha." Nami scratched her cheek and stuck out her tongue. "Well, I'm Nami. Just Nami. Navigator of the ... well. I'm a map-maker by trade."

"Yes?"

One of Nanami's thin eyebrows raised almost to his hairline.

"I prefer to refer to people by their family name until I am better acquainted with them."

"Oh. Well, I don't have one of those."

He regarded her in inscrutable silence once more before turning on his heel.

"Nami it is, then. Did you say you were a ... map-maker?"

"One of the best! I'm documenting the high seas. I've already mapped most of East Blue. Once I get back to the Grand Line, I'll continue my work."

The silence from Nanami was growing heavier and Nami began to feel a tad nervous. Was this man affiliated with one of their enemies? She'd certainly never seen any wanted posters with his picture or description on them before.

"Grand Line? East Blue? I've never heard of these places."

The feeling of uneasiness was growing stronger by the minute. Nami's tone became a little more defensive.

"What do you mean? Everyone knows about the four oceans and the Grand Line. Have you been living under a rock?"

"Not quite. If I'm right ... hmm. Do you by any chance, know of a skeleton with an afro who can sing?"

Nami's brow cleared immediately. So that was it. The portal had sent her to the very place Brook had arrived at before. Someplace very far from home, if this man hadn't even heard of the oceans. All the same, she had to tread carefully.

"Haha. Are you making jokes at a time like this? A skeleton with an afro? I think you'd better lay off the strong liquor, sweetie."

"Please refer to me as Nanami. And I don't drink when I'm on the clock."

Wow. No sense of humor at all. And this man couldn't be charmed, as she was learning. Changing tack, Nami slid a little closer to his side.

"Fine. I just want to get out of here. So I think I'll stick with you for now, just in case something ... else shows up."

"Something else will show up."

"How do you know?"

"Cursed spirits, like the one we just encountered, will attract others of the same kind."

"Oh. Ew."

"And you'd best be prepared. Maybe get your cursed tool ready."

"My ... what?"

He glanced at her sideways and she caught a glimpse of very, very shrewd brown eyes behind the shaded lenses.

"The one you have on your belt. You were about to defend yourself against the spirit right before I arrived. I assume it's useful for more than pole vaulting, yes?"

"Uh ... well. Yes, you're right. It is my weapon. But I'm just a map-maker, as I've said. I only have basic self defense skills. If it's okay with you, I'll just ... stay right here behind you and - "

"Self defense? Did you learn how to evade attacks like that with such basic lessons?"

Nami gritted her teeth. This guy was no sucker. Not at all. No sirree.

"Fine. I've got your back."

"Oh, that gives me a lot of confidence."

"I don't like your tone, Mister."

"Forgive me for not finding you reliable."

"And why wouldn't you find me reliable?"

"Could you give my wallet back? My credit cards are in there and I don't want to go to the bank to apply for new ones."

Huffing in increasing annoyance, Nami slapped the wallet into his outstretched palm.

"I just wanted to confirm your identity."

"Is that why my cash for lunch is missing?"

"Oh, fine! Here. It's not like I can use this currency where I'm going anyway."

"And where would you be going?"

"Back to - "

Nami stopped short, realizing her error. This sly, sly dog of a man. He was now eyeing her in what could only be amusement.

"You seem awfully sure that you'll be back where you came from soon. Tell me, young lady, do you really not know of any skeleton with an afro?"

"No!"

The man called Nanami was, unfortunately, correct in his prediction of more cursed spirits being present.  Nami soon realised that he wielded some kind of technique that allowed his blunt blade to do devastating damage. He'd explained about the ratios to her, for some reason. She wasn't sure why he'd reveal information like that so openly to someone he didn't know, and in front of the monsters no less, but she assumed that he had his reasons.

She did her best to stay in the background, but he wasn't having it. It wasn't that he put her in any danger. He just seemed to be expecting her to play her part, something Nami wasn't very accustomed to. She worked better from the shadows! She was a cat burglar for a reason! But desperate times called for desperate measures, she supposed.

While she couldn't deal much physical damage, Nami did what she did best. Run away. The creatures infesting the building homed in on her as a soft target each time, and while she wheeled, dodged, somersaulted and made full use of her speed and flexibility to dance around their attacks, Nanami followed like a steadfast, cleaving thresher, slicing his way with deadly precision through every spirit in his path.

When Nanami found himself in a rather tight spot, surrounded by spirits, she used her Climatact to create opposing fields of hot and cold air within the small room. The spirits were not paying her much attention at that moment, and so, did not feel the hair-raising change in the atmosphere. Nanami did. He looked her way briefly, before nodding.

The dark clouds that had collected within the small space gave up their electric burden, a swing of Nami's staff bringing down a controlled bolt of lightning right into their midst. Screaming and clawing their way to safety, the spirit's bodies burned and dissipated under the onslaught. Nanami, in the meantime, had dived to the side of the room, dispatching any spirits that escaped with deft sweeps of his blade.

He stood, performing the quick swipe of his sword that she was becoming familiar with.

"That should take care of the issue."

"Wait, what?"

"I don't sense any further spirits in the vicinity. We've taken care of them."

"You mean ... we've done it? We cleared out all the monsters? Just us?"

"Yes. Thank you for your assistance."

" ... oh."

Breathing hard, her stomach still tied in anxious knots from the numerous narrow escapes she'd had, Nami felt a growing sense of ... elation. Those monsters had been tough and she'd helped take them down without any of the other Straw Hats present!

Raising her Climatact in the air, she uttered a short cheer.

"Yay for Team Na Nami Nami!"

"Excuse me?"

She pointed between the both of them.

"Nanami. Nami. Nanaminami. Na. Nami. Nami."

"I - what?"

"What? Oh come on. Even you have to admit it. It's catchy, right?"

He gave a long suffering sigh before pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Let's just ... find the exit. It's well past lunch time and I need a coffee."

"You're paying for my food right?"

"I suppose."

"I want something nice. Don't be a cheapskate, now, not after all the help I gave you!"

"What's your definition of nice?"

"Hmm, five courses at least. With drinks and dessert. And if they have a bar, I want in on that. Oh, hey, what kind of fashion are the women around here into?"

Nanami was very glad that his monthly salary would be paid soon. First, there had been the issue of her attire. The girl, Nami, was dressed for the beach, in a green bikini top and jeans. Nanami was now beginning to feel envious of the people who were coming through the portal. Judging from her talk of seas and map-making, the place she hailed from was obviously near the ocean.

Once they exited the facility, the young woman  looked around her with interest. She twirled a strand of her flaming orange hair around one finger, a gesture she seemed to perform when she was about to ask for something. Just seeing it made him feel like a stomach ulcer was coming on.

"Well, this place looks sort of run down. Where are all the nice shops and the restaurants?"

"Not far from here, actually. But first, here."

He handed her his coat which she took, glancing at him curiously.

"We aren't close to the seaside. You may stand out dressed like that."

"Oh. All right then."

She shrugged and pulled on the coat, folding up the sleeves and tucking it into her jeans to form some kind of oversized fashion statement.

"Hmm. You've got good taste in clothes, at least." She wrinkled her nose. "But that tie of yours. Gross."

"It's not gross."

"Please. You look like an understated version of Trafalgar Law."

"Who?"

"Some guy who loves animal print. Yours looks like ... what animal print is that? A cow?"

"It's a random design," he countered stiffly. "Now please let's go. I'd like to eat soon."

Then, there was the question of her appetite. Nami could really pack away the food. He'd taken her to a simple cafe in the nearby area, despite her protests and demands for compensation with five-star dining. She settled down soon enough with a steaming cup of coffee and some pastries in front of her. Nanami also bought some sandwiches and a hot soup to keep things healthy. The facility they had cleared out had been rather frigid, and he would rather she didn't develop a chill.

"You said that you draw maps, correct?"

Nami nodded before scarfing down another pastry.

"One of the best. Here."

She slipped a piece of what looked like parchment from her pocket and slapped it down on the table.

"Take a look at that. Finest penmanship and accuracy this side of the four seas."

Namami looked over the small fragment. Granted, he wasn't familiar with the finer aspects of map-making, but the attention to detail and finesse certainly didn't escape his attention.

"And you're in this ... map-making endeavour alone?"

"Oh no."

Nanami could tell, from the way her expression immediately brightened and took on a softer cast, that she was telling the truth.

"I'm part of a crew. We're ... very close. We have each other's backs. They're all very strong and talented. Kind of like you."

"And the skeleton?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"All right, fine. That's Brook. The ship's musician."

"Interesting. And how does he - "

"Don't ask. Please."

"Very well. But, pardon my curiosity, does he play - "

"Yes, he plays the electric guitar. They call him 'Soul King' Brook."

"Fascinating."

He took her back to the facility when they had finished their meal. It had been roughly three hours, approximately the same amount of time that 'Soul King' Brook had spent in their world before the portal had re-opened.

Already, Nanami was feeling that strange sense of otherness, that hair-raising energy on the air that had heralded Navigator Nami's appearance. Soon enough, the storm that brought the inter-dimensional gate had made an appearance, the disturbance in space-time creating a warping effect that left one feeling a little queasy if they looked for too long.

Nami hopped fearlessly towards the portal and Nanami almost stopped her. How did she know that it was safe? How did she know for sure that it would take her back to her place of origin?

As if sensing his worries, the girl with bright orange hair winked and tapped the side of her nose.

"Are you stressing yourself out again, old man?"

"That's Nanami to you."

Her expression turned serious for a minute, taking him in.

"You should worry less, you know. Our Captain never cares about what tomorrow brings. I guess some people see that as reckless. Maybe even irresponsible. But I've spent enough time with him to understand a little better."

"Understand what?"

"Your dreams won't wait for you. Don't waste your life being ... cautious. Here."

She produced the fragment of map from her pocket once again.

"Keep this. Maybe one day, you'll find yourself on the Grand Line. And if you do, come look for the Straw Hat Pirates."

" ... pirates?"

But she was already halfway through the portal, her hair billowing in the energy stream.

"And thanks for the compensation! I'll keep this as a souvenir!"

Tongue out in her signature mischievous pose, Nami was holding something up between two fingers.

His wallet.

Clapping a hand to his pocket, Nanami sighed when he realised she had at least been thoughtful enough to leave his credit cards behind.

[canonsinthehead]

NO, STOP HARRASING IN MY TL. I CAN'T START ANOTHER ANIME FOR NOW. NO, GO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

[troythecatfish]

[beaulesbian]

✨ Happy Birthday Roronoa Zoro ⚔️(11.11)

"Until the day I defeat him and become a master swordsman, I'll never be defeated! Got any problem with that, King of the Pirates?!"

[black-and-yellow]

Day 2 of Buggy posting :/

[galacticrainbowsaz]

*Nami fixes Luffy's strawhat*

Luffy: You fixed it! Thanks!

Nami: Well, you said it was your treasure, right?

*Luffy realising Nami's island is her treasure*

Luffy: I'm calling my fist the Sewing Needle, cause I'm bout to fix this shit!

The crew: ???

Arlong: .. Wha- *smashed by the Sewing Needle*

[chenziee]

Front-Row Seat

Written for the @opmlmzine 🤍 Hakuba's gonna need a good night of wine and murder after this

Last chance to grab the zines! Store closes on July 1 🌸

Also, check out the amazing spot art done by @majoraop!!

[ READ ON AO3 | KO-FI | COMM INFO ]

----------

Hakuba was a simple man with simple needs. With Durandal by his side, he only needed enough humans in his hunting grounds to keep him happy.

He was a simple man with simple needs—needs which did not, however, involve bouquets of roses sprinkled with sugar ‘for better flavour’, wine, candles, snarky little notes, or oh-so-romantic walks on the beach during sunset.

Okay, maybe the wine he would accept but everything else? Absolutely not.

So why exactly was he stuck here, cursed to watch from the actual front-row seat as Cavendish prepared to go on yet another stupid ‘date’ with his idiot little boyfriend? He was sick of it. So, so very sick of it.

Literally; Hakuba felt like he was going to puke the next time the two of them kissed.

As if on cue, Cavendish reached the meeting place, the horse themed fountain in this island’s largest port city. To no one’s surprise, the annoying, ugly mess of green hair was already there, shining like a beacon and letting everyone know to steer far away from the pirate. But them, oh no, of course not.

“Cavendish! You’re three damn hours late. Again,” the pirate, Melonomeo—or something like that—hissed the moment he noticed Cavendish strutting towards him.

Cavendish sighed dramatically, tossing his long, voluminous hair over his shoulder. “I keep telling you that beauty can’t be rushed, Bartolomeo.” So that was his name. Close enough.

Bartolomeo rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah, your favourite excuse, I know.”

Huffing, Cavendish looked away—seemingly in offence… but Hakuba knew it was to hide his embarrassment. After all, he did spend two absolutely agonising hours picking an outfit and then another two hours doing his hair. To be ‘his most beautiful yet’. 

The giddy lovesick fretting was downright sickening and Hakuba would have jumped out the window of the captain’s cabin if he could have.

And here he thought Cavendish with his beauty and popularity obsession was bad before. Now, Hakuba would give anything to go back to the days when Cavendish’s delusions were the only thing he worried about. Since meeting this guy… it was all about what he might think or say. Not all the time—or even most of the time—, of course, but on days like this one, it was like no one else’s opinion mattered.

As if Bartolomeo was capable of higher thought or cared about his or anyone else’s appearance, as proven by the absolutely godawful pants and the ugly Straw Hat pin on his coat.

Suddenly, warm fingers wrapped around Cavendish’s wrist, making Hakuba hiss like an angry cat. 

“It’s a damn good thing I know your slow ass and booked a table for four hours later than you said,” Bartolomeo announced with a smug smirk before pulling on Cavendish’s hand, forcing him to a walk. “Come on, Cabbage, we’re gonna be late ‘cause of you.”

“Don’t pull me, you brute!” Cavendish scoffed… but frustratingly made no effort to break free of his hold.

“What, should I offer you an arm like you’re a damn princess or something?” Bratolomeo threw a look at Cavendish over his shoulder, his eyebrow raised in a mocking fashion.

This little shit.

Hakuba knew the look wasn’t aimed at him but oh, how he was going to enjoy dicing this guy into little pieces… eventually. For sure. He’d get an opportunity any day now.

Not for the first time, Hakuba cursed the way these two met. Why did that trip to Dressrosa have to deteriorate into a bloody war? If they just met casually over coffee or something, Hakuba could have had killed him the first night but as it was… Bartolomeo was all too aware of Hakuba waiting for the first opportunity to take control of their body. Going so far as to have his underlings tie him up in sea prism stone chains.

The humiliation.

Oh, revenge would be sweet.

Cavendish clicked his tongue, dragging Hakuba back to the harsh reality. “Most people would thank me for gracing them with my dazzling presence, you know,” Cavendish said with slight annoyance.

“Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me. Sucks to be you, I guess,” Bartolomeo retorted without missing a beat, that irritating smirk back on his face. Showing off his stupid fangs and all.

A beat of silence passed… before Cavendish burst out laughing of all things.

Seemingly just as confused by the reaction as Hakuba, Bartolomeo stopped in his tracks before letting go of Cavendish's wrist so he could turn to look at him. A frown on his face, he tilted his head to the side questioningly like a dog. “What’s up with you?” 

“You’re impossible,” Cavendish let out in between chuckles as he shook his head.

“At least I’m not insane, unlike you,” Bartolomeo said slowly, confusion still apparent in his voice.

“Sure, sure.” Cavendish waved his hand dismissively before he stepped forward again, easily passing by Bartolomeo. “Come on, stop holding us up! We can’t keep my fans at the restaurant waiting.”

“It’s a reservation, not a fanmeet! Also who’s the one—argh!” Bartolomeo stopped himself with a frustrated shout. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath… before burying his hands in his hair and ruffling it roughly, muttering to himself something about ‘annoying princes’ and ‘why the fuck do I suffer this’.

Honestly, Hakuba had to ask the same question—both to Bartolomeo… and to himself.

—————

The day seemed almost never-ending.

By the time Cavendish and Bartolomeo finally finished eating—with candles, to Hakuba’s horror—and left the restaurant, Hakuba was already at his bloody limit. Seriously, there was only so much leg touching and badly disguised, terrible flirting that he was physically capable of witnessing before he needed to murder a person or twenty.

It wasn’t fair. Why was Cavendish the one in control most of the time? And why did Hakuba have to be conscious while he was at it while Cavendish got to sleep while Hakuba had his fun?

What did Hakuba ever do to anyone to deserve this treatment?

Unfortunately for him… the dinner date wasn’t the end of it. Of course it wasn’t. That would be letting Hakuba off too easy.

To be fair, it could have been a lot worse—when they passed through a street that was so full of hotels if felt more like a Red Light District, he honestly feared the absolute worst—but even just the handholding and bickering while Bartolomeo saw Cavendish to the Sleeping White Horse of the Forest was about enough for Hakuba.

“—so then I replaced Red Hair’s flag with Luffy-senpai’s and handed out our Straw Hat Boxes to people. Soon, everyone will know just how awesome the Straw Hats are,” Bartolomeo rambled on, waving his free hand around and clenching his fist in adoration for his idol.

Cavendish, who had only been humming noncommittally the whole time, blinked, turning his head to stare at his companion blankly for a moment. “‘Straw Hat Boxes’?” he repeated.

“Yeah! You want one? I always carry a few on me, hang on.” He started fumbling with his bag, obviously searching for the box in question.

“Absolutely not!” Cavendish refused immediately. “I’m just astonished you successfully came up with a name that managed to take something ugly and terrible and make it something even uglier and more terrible.”

“Are you insulting Luffy-senpai?!” Bartolomeo bared his teeth as he demanded an answer.

No, he’s insulting your stupid ass, Hakuba thought to himself.

“No, I’m insulting you,” Cavendish said at the same time.

Well, there was at least something they could agree on.

At that, Bartolomeo… nodded. “Oh, okay. That’s—” he paused for a second, before the words finally clicked in his empty head. “Man, you are such a bitch.”

“A beautiful person others admire so much it makes them hate themselves? Why, yes, I am that indeed.” 

“No,” the green-haired caveman retorted immediately, giving Cavendish a look.

Cavendish only laughed conceitedly, dismissing the denial as jealousy, and Hakuba honestly wasn’t sure if his other half was really that dumb or if he was just deflecting. Not that it mattered that much to him. The only thing that did matter to him was the ship, which was now finally within reach. Very soon, he would be free from this… cutesy hell.

Hopefully, without lasting mental damage.

Hakuba barely finished the thought when the two lovers stopped to say goodbye. With Cavendish getting on his tiptoes, pulling Bartolomeo closer.

If he could, Hakuba would be smashing his head against the nearest wall but as it was… he could do nothing but watch helplessly as the inevitable happened.

The moment their lips met, butterflies began to flutter in Cavendish’s stomach, warmth gathering in his chest. The kiss was so soft and impossibly sweet… It made even the deepest parts of Hakuba’s entire being shudder.

It was in that moment that Hakuba decided. The next time he was in control, he would be killing Bartolomeo first.

And then… then he was killing Cavendish.