#one of those episodes with the stupidest moral of the story

[quietparanoiac]

AKA natural causes. Which is exactly what the murderer wants us to think.

Sister Boniface Mysteries (2022–), 2x05

[beevean]

Let’s start with the peak of the show:

Y’ALL LIKE BERSERK?????? WE SURE DO!!!!!! PLS LET US ADAPT IT!!!!!!!!!

no, don’t you touch my Berserk. But this scene is cool as hell. The rest of the season was a marked improvement over S2 and 3, but still hard to sludge through. This post is nowhere near as well structured as my previous ones (and even those were rambly) because I have just... mentally checked out. I think S3 broke me :(

One of the biggest problem of this season for me can be chalked back to one narrative choice: a time skip of six weeks. This was not a good choice, because now we see characters acting nothing like they did in previous seasons, and what should have been character development... just feels like OOCness. Some of the plots also feel rushed, probably because much more screentime is dedicated to fights now.

~

I’m so sorry, Trevor and Sypha, but you really got shafted in terms of story. Again.

Their subplot is the same as S3, helping a village: in this case Targoviste, the same where Lisa was executed. They extremely blatantly lampshade that all this time they did nothing but react instead of acting. Ngl, I skipped episode 7 because my god is their story boring. Yes, I shouldn’t have done that, but I really couldn’t stand it anymore. But I have to mention this scene:

It’s so dumb lmao. This is the best Ellis could come up with to explain why vampires hate crosses. They hate geometrical forms. This is Twilight levels of pseudoscience.

The “swearing rant” would be funnier if Trevor were the only one to swear like a sailor. Oh, Sypha says “shit”? I did not forget how she mused that she could make Trevor drink her pee way back in S1.

I like how Death is foreshadowed, by introducing it as a mythical figure Trevor and Sypha come across. And even better, one of Varney’s first lines: “I was one of Dracula's first loyal followers!” You sure were :D ... well, were this canon Death. It’s not.

I also was genuinely surprised that the Alchemist in the Infinite Corridor was also Death... even though I myself remarked that she looked like she could be Death! Okay, that’s on me for not putting two and two together, but that was cool.

I don’t like how both Caesar and Abraham seem to know Varney out of nowhere, though. Things happen offscreen.

Oh, wait, I of course have to post this video:

muh “at least it’s original”. Anyway, making him a superior villain using Dracula for his own means is an unnecessary change that devalues the original villain even more. But we're used to that.

Speaking of which, Jesus is their short time as the rebis hard to watch.

At least I have nothing bad to say about the Trevor vs. Death fight. Peak hype. Excellently done :>

St. Germain’s face heel turn is well foreshadowed. The Alchemist in the Infinite Corridor tells him that he can still has his morals, etics and soul left to sacrifice if he wants his wife back. And he says that he’d do anything to get her back...

I felt genuinely bad when he killed a librarian because he wouldn’t give him the information that he wanted, and he breaks down crying because he just murdered someone, and he’s starting to fall so low in his quest :(

Aaaaand he gives us this immortal line. Now this is what we call some true writing.mp4.

(I have no idea how Caesar came in contact with him though. Again, things happen offscreen.)

As a positive note, I did like how the second to last fight of the show took place in a clock tower, like in the original Castlevania :) and awww Trevor said "I love you!" to Sypha! Cuties <3 and they're going to have a child! My heart <3

~

Carmilla is back again! More or less. I sure didn’t miss her in S3. I’m very happy with her situation in S4, because she only appears in two episodes :)

She gives us the stupidest, pettiest villain rant she could give us, with the worst possible lead-in.

"Do you think Dracula would have kept Hector in his castle were he dangerous?"

"OH THE CASTLE. I SURE WOULD HAVE LOVED THAT CASTLE. HERE LET ME RANT ABOUT THE STUPID OLD MEN I WANT TO TAKE STUFF FROM. NOW I’M ANGRY AND INSANE OUT OF NOWHERE AFTER BEING OUT OF FOCUS IN S3."

So the villain of this #deep and #intricate show is literally nothing more than a generic supervillain who wants to conquer the world because she wants to, with a dash of good ol’ radfem. Okay. Good writing. I don’t care anymore.

And btw, Carmilla suddenly being wary of Caesar for having “a deviousness in him” and saying that “he could kill” is terribly out of nowhere. Where does this come from? She was the first one calling him puppy and all. Caesar did jackshit in S3. This is a horrible way to fix the mess that has been his portrayal.

(I do like how Caesar himself theorizes that Carmilla is now “overreaching” because being thirsty is a core trait of being a vampire, that's an interesting insight)

And then the bitch dies.

Yes, just like that. Eat shit in hell <3

But still, I’m not 100% satisfied because... she has appeared so little since S2. She did nothing in S3, and then she had her little radfem rant in S4. Why did she go insane out of the sudden? We don’t know.

And I don’t give a shit anymore. She’s dead, that’s what matters! :D

Striga and Morana get a little more focus this time, and the focus is them going like “shit, Carmilla’s plan was dumber than we thought”. Striga even, surprisingly, takes pity on all the farmers she kills in her Day Armor, and realizes that this is what she’d be doing the whole time if she followed Carmilla. Basically, they’d spend the rest of their eternal life fighting humans to keep control, since now they know that humans don’t go down without a fight. Not surprisingly, when Carmilla dies (and they think Lenore died too), they decide to run away and do their thing together without scheming. Go do your thing, girls.

Of course, I always reserve Lenore for later :)

~

If I had little to say about T&S, I really have nothing for Alucard.

Obvious reference to this iconic scene:

I get that you have a watersport fetish, Ellis. Cut that out.

Well, his depression lasts only the first episode, just enough for him to change into a costume that is very similar to his SoTN one, but shirtless because why not. Then we meet Greta of Danasti! Yes, completely unrelated to the one C3 character not included in the show. She’s your typical badass woman who takes no shit from no one.

Nothing to say about his subplot either. It’s boring, I can’t keep up, I skipped episode 7. I really have no more patience. Sorry, man. And the main trio gets back in S4E9, after being separated ever since S2E8! I think that weakened their otherwise touching finale.

Oh, right, and his big trauma over being raped and nearly killed is mentioned in passing conversation as a noodle incident. Greta even lowkey jokes about it.

As I said, it was nothing but fetish fuel for Ellis to masturbate to :)

~

Abraham was the arc I had the second most interest in. This dude is beloved, and for the life of me I can’t understand why. And... I think I cracked it :) but still, even with very limited screentime, he ends up being the best character of the season.

Abraham tells us very plainly (well, to the statue of the defeated Magician) how much he changed... as if we couldn’t tell by his sudden and unexplained care for burying the people too rotten to forge because he sees them as victims, or how he sympathizes with FlysEyes and doesn’t want to see him as a tool (interesting how it’s reserved to the only night creature who can talk like a human... does it mean that the other creatures have human sapience as well?). He reasons himself into an interesting conclusion: he has agency, and he liked the feeling of righteous justice when he killed the Magician, so he will try to change the world for the better. This is a fairly good direction to take his character in! But I can’t help but feel that it contrasts with the cackling Abraham of S3E9. Again, time skip.

“You believe you’re tools of destruction only because this is how your kind has always been used” is a very good line to associate to any Devil Forgemaster, though :) I like to imagine how Hector or Isaac would react to this.

While I still have some issues, Abraham reaches his peak in episode 6. He gives up his plans of revenge on Caesar, which is a shame as I would have liked to see them fight, but I understand that they wanted to confirm that Abraham holds no resentment in his heart anymore... if only that time skip didn’t happen. His fight against Carmilla is the stuff of legends <3 and then there is his long speech about the conclusion he reached from his journey: in short, he wants to live life. And I was touched, I really was. While I’m still irked by the time skip, it felt seriously cathartic, helped by the wonderful acting. Good for him :)

So, what was Abraham’s arc in the end? He’s a man who in the past went through a lot of pain and hardships, but is now peacefully living his life, until a person he deeply cares for gets killed and he’s unable to do anything to save them. Enraged and heartbroken, he sets himself on a destructive quest for revenge against the person who ruined his life, being an ultra competent, badass fighter and kicking ass left and right... but he meets kind people along the way, and he eventually learns to let go of his hatred. He also, after following Dracula for years and considering himself separate from humankind, realizes that he’s more than a tool: he has agency himself. He gains the strength to acknowledge that Dracula was wrong, leave him behind, and become his own person. He finally accepts his own humanity.

Wow, so peak, so raw, what a deep character arc! But... doesn’t it sound oddly familiar...?

Yeah.

I don’t want to hear a peep about how Hector is nothing more than a generic “badass”, if you then turn around and call Abraham one of the best characters in the franchise. All of you who love Abraham? You actually love Hector and you just don’t know it.

I’m not even touching the meta cruelty of taking Hector’s compelling character arc away from him and transplanting it into an OC that pretends to be Isaac, leaving a shell to be tortured in Hector’s place.

That final Abraham monologue touched me, but Hector had by far the most organic character arc, and it deserved to be properly depicted in the show.

(I could also compare his arc to Guts’, since Hector is basically a simplified version of Guts anyway lmao.)

(I will admit, though, that Abel kicked ass here, an excellent use of a very underutilized element of CoD)

Speaking of which...

~

I kept reading that Caesar became a Magnificent Bastard in this season, which absolutely baffled me: him? Magnificent?? No way. I can confirm now that this season felt like a long, long apology letter to how Caesar was written, because he’s suddenly sassy, demanding, has no patience for anything anymore, and came up with a clever scheme to take down the Council. I could actually start calling him Hector now.

By the second episode he’s already seen walking around and setting special stones in cracked walls. He’s depicted, for the first time in forever, in a dignified way, even blackmailing someone to get what he wants in a deal. In episode 6, she cages Lenore and flaunts that he was not to be trusted! He even cuts off his own finger to get rid of the ring, which is a super chad move! Yep, this is a new Caesar, everyone! I should be happy, right?

No. Well, okay, I am a bit, because he is genuinely badass and witty, but... You know what this is? This is the Netflixvania equivalent of that scene in Sonic Frontiers where Tails, out of nowhere, starts crying that he’s “wildly inconsistent” because recently (as in, in games penned by Pontaff) he hasn’t been at his best self. That scene, praised by everyone, was nothing more than Flynn smugly declaring that oh, he has fixed Tails, don’t you worry guys! I managed to make his badass decay intentional! Now, under my supervision, he’ll be the good ol’ Tails you always wanted! And I’m not happy about it, it feels too self-congratulatory and meta.

Lenore, on the other hand, is a brat. She’s childish, immature, always pouting, constantly swearing like an edgy teen girl, and nothing like her clever, elegant S3 self. See, it’s her turn to angst now, that she’s not needed anymore! I wish you weren’t, you horrible piece of shit.

Same for Caesar here. The change from “good boy” Caesar to “scheming sassy boy” Caesar is too sudden, and it happened off screen. Abraham even spells it out for us (because of course he does) that he knows that Caesar had no agency back then and was manipulated, a line so meta that I could see Ellis smiling to himself, and that’s why he holds no more contempt for him; Caesar himself years to make up for him mistakes. The six week time skip! I hate it! Why can’t we see Caesar grow a spine? I would have so loved it!

And then she peaces out in the finale because whoops, turns out that she doesn't like the life that she wanted to subject Caesar to! Remember the enslavement part? I'm not sure you do. At least phrase it like "I'm all alone, I miss my sisters, I've realized that I never did anything good in my life and maybe I never will", not "oh noes I'm in a cage :(".

If I can praise Lenore’s suicide for one thing, it’s how it was foreshadowed in S3, with her talk about not missing the sun as a vampire. That was a good parallel.

And I guess it’s time to address the elephant in the room: Lenector.

This is their first interaction in S4. Lenore acting like a spoiled brat out of nowhere, and Caesar indulging her dick jokes and talking to her as if they were an old married couple already. Later on, she even vents her personal issues to him, and most baffingly, Caesar cares so much about her that he begs Abraham to spare her, and says that he wants to spend time alone with her.

Dude.

What the fuck?

How can you go here when the last time we saw them, THIS happened?

You can’t jump six weeks and go from “I made you into my pet” to this equally balanced, respectful dynamic!

No.

This is horrible. It looks like Caesar just forgot everything that happened. How con-fucking-venient.

And shut the fuck up Lenore I want to strangle you with your hair.

"You were the last problem I had to solve!"

"Yes, thanks again for that." *shows magic ring that enslaves him*

"Oh, shush. You were having fun."

"Right until the end."

I want to stab someone and then set them on fire. Great, let’s all joke about Caesar’s trauma of having a deep moment of vulnerability and weakness taken advantage of! It’s funny! One month and a half is enough to make it into a cute memory, right? Right? :’D

"I think [Carmilla] lied to me."

"Just like Dracula lied to me."

I can’t be the only one who can’t accept this no matter how well written the dialogues are (and they aren’t, Caesar has his good moments but Lenore is insufferable) because I keep screaming “YOU RAPED AND ENSLAVED HIM A MONTH AGO!!!”, right? Well... I guess I am, since Lenector is one hell of a popular ship :\

Look at this blatant attempt to connect them. I don’t know how else to convey my sheer rage.

"I'm sorry for everything you went through" oh like him being tortured by your sisters, you beating the shit out of him, and the whole raping and enslaving? :)

I have my problematic ships. I have quite a few fucked up ships, most of them involving power imbalance because I am weak for that. The thing is that, I like them because they are fucked up, and I don’t ignore that element to make the relationship cuter than it should be.

I never get the feeling that Lenector shippers acknowledge this part - in fact, I’ve seen plenty of people denounce S4 as bad because those two “deserved a happy ending”.

Uhm. No. They did not. Well, Caesar did, but Lenore sure deserved to suffer a little more. I don't buy her changing attitude from vampire enslaver to cute little girl who really cared about Caesar all along.

Oh, but apparently, Lenore never touched Caesar again after she put the ring on him! That's the general assumption, it seems. So that explains how Caesar is so buddy buddy with her :) that’s how it works, right?

So... This was season 4. I'm sorry this post feels so flaccid. While the finale was good, I'm just glad to be done. Watching the show was an utterly miserable experience, and I'm glad I had people keeping me company. At least now I have proper context for this very popular part of the franchise.

Bleah. Lenector is officially in my list of ships that squick me out. Get that away from me, my man deserves better. I'm so glad that in canon he finds two wonderful women who support him and make him realize he's worthy of love :)

~

As a final note, the decision to bring back Dracula and Lisa is... Why? What's the point? It nullifies their tragedy and I'm pretty sure this change fucks up the later timeline. Unless Dracula will just decide to kill humans for shit and giggles after Lisa's death? What excuse will they come up with in Nocturne to include him, if they will? This was just peak "Let's make everyone happy".

[darkcloud-kcalifornia]

Alright, need to get this over with.  Besides, it might distract me from election dread as I wait for those last votes to be counted.  Let’s see if Yashahime can finally turn things around.

...Probably not.

* I do kinda like how Moroha has embraced the whole time travel thing and tries to use that to claim old age.  Inuyasha was always at its best when it was trying to be funny.

* Gramps finally found someone willing to indulge him.

* Towa has a point about English not being likely to help in Feudal Japan.  Maybe she should take Portuguese or Dutch as an elective...

* Violin is also not a skill that will see much use back then.  I mean sure, music can be useful for opening doors, earning cash, and just keeping morale up, but a violin is not gonna be easy to repair or replace if something happens.  I doubt even the few European traders are just going to have it on hand.

* Root Head told Moroha everything... because it was bored.  And apparently unable to act away from the Tree now.  Yeah I severely overestimated this thing when I made my theory.

* Did Kagome’s mom pack homework for Moroha out of habit?  Or is that supposed to be for Towa?

* Why does this show keep giving names and relationships on the screen for characters that have already been introduced?  And have been in every episode since then?  Just how dumb do they think their audience is?

* It only took Moroha a few days to learn how to use someone else’s credit card.  Probably for the best she remain in the past.

* Nice little moment between Towa and her dad.

* I have to assume Moroha has no intention of following up on that deal, or else that girl just made the stupidest decision since Kikyo handing the majority of the Sacred Jewel to Naraku.

* Look, I know I just mentioned Kikyo, BUT THAT WAS NOT AN INVITATION TO ACTUALLY MAKE THE SINGLE WORST CHARACTER A PART OF THIS STORY TOO!!!

* Oh thank goodness it’s just the Tree being unoriginal in avatars.  OK show, proceed.

* Ah, so I was wrong about Root Head being the Big Bad, but there is a demon trying to mess with time.  Got that much right at least.  Though thus far it’s looking like that’s the only thing I got right.

Tree of Ages: Heroes, accept this que-

Towa & Setsuna: &$@! you!

Tree of Ages: But thou must.  Also rude girls get boss fights.

* I can’t believe one of Gramps’ pieces of junk came in handy.  Admittedly in the same fashion a suitably large rock would have.

* And so with Root Head defeated the girls will have no choice but to deal with the Tree directly if they want to time travel again.

* Not entirely sure who the girl within the Tree is, but I’m guessing Rin as I doubt Sesshomaru cares what happens to Kagome.

Well that’s the episode.  And I will say this one was the best yet.  There’s some decent humor, a touching scene, and the primary plot is being established while also putting forth some mysteries.  Still rough in places and I am not filled with confidence from what came before, but this at least wasn’t bad.

[thechelby]

In Defense of Jaime Lannister

Okay, I would like to preface this by saying I’m not happy with Jaime’s actions these last 2 episodes, in fact I hate it.  I hate what he was doing.  I hate that he hurt Brienne, it’s wounded my soul.  That being said, I don’t think his character arc was assassinated.  I think at the root here is the issue that the audience has been under the impression that his arc is redemption based, and it’s not.  But let’s back up a second and break it down. The love of his life. Jaime has loved Cersei for over 40 years, and I feel like people are kind of ignoring that fact.  Their love was gross, and abusive on both sides, but that didn’t stop them from loving each other (or if you wanna go with what D&D said, “addicted”, but more on that later). Tyrion said it this season, “She never fooled you. You always knew exactly who she was and you loved her anyway.”  A large part of Jaime’s identity is in direct relation to Cersei.  He struggles with himself when he’s away from her. Any decision we’ve seen Jaime make (for himself, not necessarily others), it was always connected to Cersei.  As much as I hate Cersei, and believe me I fuckin hate her, she is absolutely without a doubt the love of Jaime’s life.  I just want to reiterate... FORTY YEARS.  That is simply not something a person gets over over the course of a few months, I’m sorry but it’s not. Now I hear what you’re saying here.  He left her, he abandoned her and her crazy in King’s Landing to go north.  Jaime came to his senses, and then lost all of them again.  As much as Jaime is the stupidest Lannister, he’s not actually stupid, it’s just that there are a lot of intelligent Lannisters, and the bar is pretty high.  Jaime knew what the wight Jon brought to King’s Landing meant.  He knew that literal death was coming, and as he pointed out to Cersei not helping was a no win game.  Either the dead win, march south, and kill them all, or the north wins and kills them instead.  Jaime was doing the right thing, but as happens often he did it for pragmatic reasons not morality. Jaime told the northern council that he promised to fight for the living and that he intended to keep that promise, which is technically true.  But also consider that he wasn’t going to mention to Sansa, Jon, Dany, and the rest of the northern folk that the living for him very much includes Cersei and their unborn child.  Even during his trial, when Sansa brought up Jaime’s cruel past, Jaime came back with “What I did, I did for my family.  I’d do it all again.”  He is fighting for them, “nothing else matters.”  He recognizes that he’s done terrible things, and while not exactly proud of them, he doesn’t regret them either.  He fought for his family, and was still fighting for them. The knight of his life. Poor Brienne.  I love the fuck outta that big woman.  And I do want to note here, that Jaime did/does love Brienne.  It’s true.  Keep in mind though that in a weird way they are almost foils of each other.  Brienne was a knight in every way except in name (until this season of course).  Loyalty, bravery, honor, doing that which is “good”, Brienne was always the absolute epitome of what a knight should be.  Jaime Lannister has been self serving, cruel to those who stand in his way, and arrogant.  He was a knight by title, but his moral code differs from what we think of when we think of knights and comes a bit closer to being a kind of thug (for lack of a better word).  Brienne represented the knight Jaime could have been had he made more consistently honorable choices.  Loving Brienne, in a way, was Jaime loving who he never became.  More than Jaime loved Brienne, he respected the fuck out of her.  She made him want to be a better person.  Made him want to be a true knight.  Made him want to be like her.  But she couldn’t fix him.  She couldn’t fix him, because in the end Jaime didn’t think he deserved to be fixed. What we deserve. Jaime saved a million lives the day he killed King Aerys.  And for the 20 years following, people looked down on him for it.  Kingslayer.  Oathbreaker.  Dishonor.  Ned and Catelyn’s smug faces, everyone in the kingdom’s harsh words.  And for what? Saving a million fucking lives.  Jaime thinks it’s impossible to truly live honorably at this point.  The first time Jaime met Brienne he was talking to Catelyn, “Defend the king, obey the king, obey your father, protect the innocent, defend the weak.  But what if your father despises the king?  What if the King massacres the innocent?  It’s too much.”  Jaime’s noblest deed was the one that marked him for derision.  We later learn from Jaime when he’s speaking to Brienne in that hot ass bath tub that snide remarks over the past 2 decades have really had an impact on Jaime.  He resents what the people of Westeros say about him, and not just that but he’s deeply hurt by it.  And at a certain point, he clearly began playing into what people had said about him.  If you keep calling someone a monster, they’re sure to become one.  Would not-a-monster shove a child out a window?  Would they kill their own family?  Would they threaten to literally punt a baby over castle walls, and then immediately follow it up with and oh yeah also I’ll kill everyone else? It was never a redemption arc. What I’ve heard a lot of people saying is that Jaime’s character arc was destroyed when he left Brienne to return to Cersei.  The flaw with this is presuming that Jaime had a redemption arc. Jaime wanted redemption, but what does that mean?  What act could he do to make up for what he did to Bran?  To countless people over the years he’s killed or shit on?  Does he have any banked karma for saving a million people?  Did he redeem himself when he saved Brienne from being raped?  Because honestly, I think if someone had told Jaime Lannister what the price was for saving her, then he wouldn’t’ve saved her.  What about when he knighted her?  A beautiful act for someone he cares about for sure, but it didn’t take any kind of sacrifice for him to do it.   Jaime’s story isn’t a redemption arc.  It’s a cautionary tale.  Jaime isn’t Boromir from Lord of the Rings.  He doesn’t start off shitty and sacrifice himself for the greater good and redeem himself.  He’s Gollum.  He’s someone consumed by a toxic obsessive love.  Like Gollum and his precious, Jaime’s absolutely addicted to Cersei.  Also like Gollum, he tries, and at times he even tries very hard to overcome that addiction and become a better person.  And those efforts should be commended in his character.  However, much like Gollum dying with his precious Jaime is crushed by the literal weight of the problems their love caused.  Their love is part of why Jon Arryn died, their love is why Bran can’t walk, their love is why Ned Stark died, indirectly why Robb Stark and Catelyn died.  Anyone who died in the War of the Five Kings died for Jaime and Cersei’s addiction to each other.   Jaime doesn’t represent redemption.  Jaime represents the idea that the struggle without is the struggle within.  As much as evil can never be defeated in its entirety in the world, you may also not ever be able to completely defeat it in yourself.  Like Gollum quite literally arguing and fighting with himself in LotR, Jaime often struggled with himself and was never able to overcome his addiction to Cersei.  That’s the nature of addiction and recovery, from the outside it’s very easy to say just don’t do it you stupid gold handed fuck, she’s so obviously evil, what are you even doing?  But if you ever met someone addicted to heroin, or an evil magic ring for 40 years, you’d probably know that chances are low they’ll come out clean on the other side.

[mag7dumbies]

Magnificent Seven Series (1998) Pilot major spoilers

So I finally finished watching the Pilot and good lord I had thoughts, and no this is not the first time I’ve watched this episode, I’m just that extra when I watch TV 

(Here we go yet again folks strap in)

(I have mentioned I hate the confederates- garbage humans the lot)

(Also giving birth is better in a squatting position- or at least that’s what I’ve heard)

(Seminoles are actually a very interesting tribe to read about)

“I respect no man’s law but my own” well fuck you too racist bastard (not only that but you need to get a fucking haircut and someone to repair that ratty flag of yours or better yet burn it)

I hate that he is so right cause we still have nut jobs in the south who are in denial that we won the war 

The movie was so much nicer goodness (I mean violence wise it wasn’t as insane as this is)

I hate that the general is not completely bad (he isn’t close to good but he still has morals, which is hard to believe considering what he believes)

(The general is nuttier than an oak tree)

OKAY HOW DARE YOU, I’M NEARLY A TRILLION PERCENT SURE THAT SAND IS SACRED AND YOU JUST FUCKING CHUCK IT WHO RAISED YOU

AND YOU PUT THAT MASK WHERE YOU FOUND IT GODDAMN IT

“I believe I can turn gold into bullets” (what does that even mean)

(Didn’t realize that this whole episode was a week’s worth of stuff huh)

(I love that they included freed slaves just makes me happy)

Lordy boardy here we go

Chris this is not the time for a drink

The duster flaps in the wind- okay we get it Chris is a badass- he was drinking glass, earlier we know

The Marshall is a coward (this reminds me of a fantastic fic I once found that had the Marshall return and Nathan was understandably pissed it was awesome)

He’s wearing an apron- oh Vin you have fallen so far, (I’m glad he has long hair though, in the movie it was pretty short which didn’t really fit cause you know Vin isn’t one for conventions or white men tradition)

Mary, Mary quite contrary-angry I mean angry good lord I love her

(I always pronounce gangrene as gaygrene and its super frustrating cause I’ll try my hardest to say it right but my mouth doesn’t work that way or at least it doesn’t sound right)

Only in the nineties could you say darkie doctors on TV and not be immediately cancelled or there to be some sorta outrage, same thing applies to lynching, you can hang white folks on TV but the minute a black person is having the noose we have problems (which is really good cause there are people still alive that have probably witnessed a lynching of someone who certainly didn’t deserve it)

That son of a bitch, pushing Mary was stupid because not only are you being racist which is a trait no one likes but also being a sexist pig- (you are in for it now)

Uh-oh Vin is pissed that isn’t good for anyone (well Nathan but that isn’t the point)

Do you think Vin gives a damn about being employed- and how did he get the apron off so fast like damn

THE FUCKING NOD

Here he comes the stupidest boy in the Wild West- (I’m gonna punch something I swear)

He’s so little 

Chris nearly shot Jd’s foot off 

“Where’d you come from” where did you go where’d you come from, tall dark stranger and his weird friend

(The saloon bit tickles me to death)

(For some reason it reminds me of Lone Ranger and I don’t know why)

Vin is a fucking sweetheart and I love him

Poor Nathan I hope his throat is okay

Vin do you have to be negative and suicidal in the same swoop seriously

Its Buckaroo time everybody, hell yeah

Then he jumps out a fucking window like a moron, and Chris is just standing there like a he’s too cool for school

(Is it Josiah or ‘osiah, not entirely sure)

And here comes the Ez, ugh he’s about as cute as he can get

“Sorry for the mess” lordy be

(Love Ez’s one-liners)

“I abhor gambling” carefully baby don’t want Maude to hear you and fuck you too you Southern bigot (I know he gets better but still, that language isn’t okay)

What the fuck is he doing with his fancy footwork just leave the saloon for mother’s sake

It’s too early in the morning to deal with Jd just goddammit (I’m gonna make some popcorn and come back to this cause I seriously can’t)

(Okay I’ve calmed down and I am ready for the stupidity)

What did he think was going to happen, of course, you fell off your fucking horse you side saddled that bitch and startled a horse that you don’t even know you’re better than this

(The only thing he can’t do is have a brain cell)

Chris is an asshole

This damn kid

Buck what the hell are, you doing, leave the kiddo be

(I also find it difficult to trust white men)

And here comes the boy and Buck (Jd’s hair is just bad, it’s like Snape’s)

Buck is right about Jd being a prep

“We’ll carve it on his tombstone” brutal Chris just brutal

(Vin is a sweet boy have I said that already cause he is)

Ezra is so good with kids damn

(Ron Perlman’s arms hell yeah)

Ezra nearly died good lord and he just goes with it and pretends he did it on purpose

Here comes Rainey girl I love her

Nathan why you hurt me, and RAINE THIS ISNT THE TIME TO PLAY MATCHMAKER

I love Raine’s dad he’s fantastic

Buck is such a goof I love him

Why is the guy, so raspy what happened

Jd getting punched is my favorite

This is so cringe, and I really like it “I was in prison for not being white” (that is still the case for some people and we all know it)

Buck CHILL THE FUCK OUT 

Vin are you serious, you don’t know Chris and there you are just hanging out and suddenly you’re like hey dude if I die, take my body to Tascosa you will get a huge payday, he didn’t have to do that at all but he’s just that dude I love him too much

(There’s also a really good fic about Josiah and his crows it's great)

Ezra, I’m done with you, good lord just go home

Here we go

Nathan is a gift to all

Buck don’t waste bullets and Josiah go to a hospital, Jd you’re an idiot and nearly died plus Ezra what are you doing go to Nathan, dumbass

Buck spewing truth everywhere

Bruised my ass Ezra just accept help like a normal human being goddamn

Nathan does not take no for an answer and ow I heard that crack in my own arm ouch

Nathan called him out

Josiah, I love you so much, (usually, I really hate missionaries cause they can be extremely intolerant to other religions especially those of Native peoples,) but Josiah tries his best to respect them which is a breath of fresh air

Josiah fainting isn’t helpful I don’t care what the crows, say (he’s a birdbrain)

Poor Jd, I just wanna give him a hug, and dude chill you are being a mess, like drink like a normal person

Buck stop telling people Chris’s past it isn’t appropriate

And I swear we own an old blanket that looks exactly like Josiah’s poncho no joke

“I’m a spiritual man, sometimes I turn to the wrong kind of spirits” I love this line

Ezra stop corrupting the youth, (Ezra is like O’Reilly and I love that characterization)

What debts they can’t be older than 10, Ezra stop, please 

Nathan, I get you love, her -chill, and Jd “I haven’t shot anyone yet” are you kidding me, seriously

“Buck you’re full of crap” “You’re just figuring that out now” (Had I mentioned I love their dynamic cause I really really do)

(I did some research on Laudanum, purely for fun and apparently, it’s basically just a mixture of every opiate available and then some, plus it’s illegal to make for obvious reasons,)

That’s right Ezra you aren’t a coward or at least not completely

(Jd’s story makes me think that maybe MAYBE he was abused as a kid in the stables, not anything too horrific but still bad and I really wanna write about it)

Btw there is a wonderful thing (I think it was posted by 7men not sure though) anyway it says something about Jd used some of the money to take care of his mama before she died, and after there wasn’t enough to go to college but there was enough to go out west) I think about it at least once a month

(The war is over if only some people could get that through their thick heads)

Ezra you sneaky son of a bitch pulling a Chico

Chris is such a badass I mean that must hurt pulling off that handcuff

Round Three

I’m a bad bitch “You can’t kill me”

John Daniel Dunne- are you kidding me, are you trying to make either myself or Buck die because if you are you’re doing a great job (He is so stupid)

Buck, really you could have tackled him or really done anything else- instead you decide to fucking get stabbed by a sword (this is why you only have half a brain cell- I mean God fucking damn it)

Really Jo seriously like thanks for taking a bullet for Buck but really

Watching this episode has taken almost three hours but it’s totally worth it

(This is the worst part ugh it's like a weird zombie movie)

“You were like a son to me” Bitch you nearly shot him with a cannon

Chris thank you I wasn’t sure if that stupid general was gonna bite it or not

Jd cut out the angst you’re gonna hurt yourself 

This old dude is a gift

“Buck, you look awful” kid your hair looks awful don’t let me get started

Nathan, Raine and the kid look like the perfect family and it makes me smile

“Where you going? Get down off that horse” poor Nathan what did he do to deserve the stress of dealing with those idiots like seriously what did he do

The good thing though is I’m pretty sure Josiah got a new poncho which is definitely a win

Raine gets it though she’s just ‘look those white morons are gonna get themselves killed so it’s better if you at least try to save their skins’ I can handle things here

Poor Josiah, he is just as hunched over as he can be, its pitiful  

Okay I’m FINALLY done with this episode, think I may read a little before I get back on the saddle and on to my absolute favorite episode One Day Out West

[asherlockstudy]

to be honest, only paid reviewers can defend this sh*t. there is an article on VF already saying that the twins got what they deserved - it's like they know people are going to go insane, it's like they have noticed that no, Jaime's arc hasn't fooled anybody, and they're spreading a narrative that tries to make sense of what is the worst character assassination ever. too bad that the rest of the episode is so incredibly terrible that they are never going to pull this off. tbh it's beyond me to

understand why, though. why do this? why destroy everything this way? the only answer I have is that D&D are sociopaths. there is no other explanation.

I think GRRM’s ending is going to be in some ways rather bleak as well but I bet he gave it to them without context at all and D&D were entirely incapable of connecting all the dots before the end themselves so they went for shock for shock’s sake. 

Those saying that we could see it all along just exploit Jaime’s character assassination to prove they were right for not liking Jaime or not liking Braime. Also, the comparison between Dany and Jaime is bullshit. In my opinion, the episode was not *entirely* terrible. Many characters’ choices subverted expectations and some were good just as some were bad. 

Varys’ treason is bad because even though it is well intended, it is incredibly stupid. Varys is one of the cleverest characters and yet he basically starts screaming around the he is against the Mad Queen he serves. Instead of conspiring for her death, putting some fucking poison in her drink, he essentially commits suicide. Varys would never easily risk his head just like that. 

Tyrion’s plot twist was good. Most of us love Tyrion  and initially it was painful for me to see him betray Varys, his old friend. It makes sense to me now though. Tyrion was terrified for his life and Varys had made the stupid decision to go public about his betrayal. Tyrion was the one who told Varys so if Tyrion didn’t betray him to Dany, then Varys would still die and Tyrion would follow him. Let alone Jon would probably do too. Tyrion went for damage control even though it pained him. 

Greyworm’s sudden outrage was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. Greyworm has been portrayed to have a strong moral code despite being an Unsullied. Okay, yeah, they beheaded Missandei but could this justify the once extremely stoic Greyworm lashing out and killing soldiers that have yielded and innocents? Greyworm had a sense of justice once - he should have turned against his queen. And even if he lost control, Jon’s commands should have been enough to bring him to his senses. 

Arya and Jon Snow - lol plot twist, most pointless characters ever but I don’t care and then we have Davos, who - let me be clear - I freaking love and he’ll survive the show without doing anything and fighting even for a mere second. Davos for the throne and I’m not even kidding. 

Cersei - believe it or not, I didn’t mind that. I always have (or had) a soft spot for the Lannisters. (And the show is going to obliterate all of them - ain’t that great.) To me, the way Cersei and Jaime died was almost funny - suddenly portrayed as the tragic lovers lol what. However, aside from everything that had to do with Jaime, I didn’t mind her being portrayed as the victim. Cersei was not a good person but also she had a cruel life. She knew since she was a kid that all her children would die and that her brother would kill her. How easily can you be sane and loving if you know that this is going to be your future? I don’t hate Cersei. When a person loses everything, it is then normal to let go of all their defenses and start crying and begging for survival. I appreciated that, for once, she cared about Jaime’s wounds. In a way, Cersei lost most of her sanity out of losing everything she loved. I think the point of the story there was that no matter how terrible Cersei was, she wasn’t AS bad as Daenerys. Cersei killed guilty and innocents to achieve certain goals. She destroyed the Sept where the Sparrows were (who were indeed a plague for the city) and along with them the Tyrells who she hated and probably all the people who ‘d gone there to see the Queen getting condemned. Essentially, most people in the Sept were her enemies or dangerous for the city and the kingdom. I doubt Cersei would just wake up one day and decide to burn an entire city. She didn’t care for her people, she used their lives for leverage but she wouldn’t harm them just for pleasure either. Yes, Cersei was an evil dangerous woman and deserved to die but she wasn’t the worst in that dark world. She wasn’t Joffrey (although she made him, she was always better than him), she wasn’t Ramsey and, in the end, she wasn’t Dany.

Now, Dany and Jaime. Here’s the big difference - Dany and Jaime’s character arcs are the exact opposite. Dany has been giving signs of cruelty which start really subtle but progressively get worse and worse. She starts by giving no shit for Viserys literally melting before her eyes and we excuse her because he was abusing her. Then she kills all the masters in brutal ways, supposedly to fight slavery. She starts listening to her subjects less and less. As the seasons proceed she burns people, even for not kneeling. Do you know why Daenerys hadn’t gone full villain earlier? Because of Jorah and Ser Barristan. Those two noble and genuinely good guys who cared about her were able to keep her sane and advice her properly. Tyrion and Varys can’t control her that well and her true inclination starts showing clearly the moment they take over. Jon is the last one that with his noble and selfless intentions manages to guide her until he stupidly tells her the truth and that’s the last straw for her fragile mentality.

Jaime’s arc is the exact opposite. Unlike Dany, he progressively gets better and better as the seasons proceed. We reach the half of the last season and Jaime is now the best man one could be - loving, brave, selfless, honourable and, well, completely indifferent and over his manipulative hateful sister. And yet. In 5 minutes, all of it is thrown in the garbage. In a hilarious way. Seriously, last week I was crying. This week I’m laughing. 

 I will say, though, something I also said last week. This kind of turn in Jaime’s character was not meant to show that Jaime after all was still bad or depraved or hateful. He never was any of this, not really. He never meant to fuck Brienne and leave and his appreciation, respect and attraction to Brienne was not a lie. The point was that even though he was a good man, Jaime was stupid. The stupidest Lannister indeed. Also, always entirely incapable of taking initiative and make his own choices without having someone to guide him and tell him what to do, for good or bad. This part of his character has been fairly consistent. That’s the saddest thing of all. 

[obsidianarchives]

Game of Thrones Recap: S8E6 - "The Iron Throne"

After the penultimate episode dropped the bar for plausible writing and character motivations, I was already primed for the finale to be more of the same. Written by men who had an ending in mind without much of an idea of how to get there, “The Iron Throne” is again carried by outstanding performances by the actors who have grown to embody their roles on screen, but hamstrung by the apathy borne through the shortcuts taken to get there. Still, we’re going to get these jokes off and try to make sense of what happened along the way.

King’s Landing

The episode opens with a quiet close up of Tyrion’s disgusted and broken face as he surveys the aftermath of Daenerys’s decision to go full Adele and set fire to the reign. If you didn’t know the finale was going to be Peter Dinklage’s Emmy push, you figured it out soon enough. The charred and still-burning remains of the capital city (with surprisingly walkable debris-clear walkways) daunt the Hand of the Queen as the last Lannister takes on the weight of his failure to convince Dany to be merciful, choosing a solo walk to the Red Keep.

Jon and Davos, after granting Tyrion’s wish of solitude, run into Grey Worm and a platoon of Unsullied soldiers carrying out the Queen’s Justice. The (not-quite) bastard of Winterfell gets on his high horse and objects to further slaughter of defeated Lannister troops but the leader of the Unsullied isn’t trying to hear any of that noise. To his eyes, they are the Queen’s enemies and they’re still breathing, so the job isn’t finished. Being the damned honorable fool he is, Jon tries to grab Grey Worm’s arm to stop him from carrying out his sentencing and the rest of the Unsullied square up to protect their general. The Northmen behind Jon follow suit, quite a bit slower, and we’re stuck in a stand-off until Davos eases tensions and suggests talking to the Queen to gain clarity on that order. Let’s keep it a buck, Jon’s troops would have gotten that WORK from the Unsullied. He knew it, Davos knew it, their mamas knew it, and so Jon lets Grey Worm’s arm go and skips along to see Dany faster than Cersei did avoiding the Cleganebowl.

Making his way into the castle, Tyrion passes the Small Council chambers, Cersei’s painted map of Westeros, and searches the cellars for some sign of hope against all futility that Jaime was successful at escaping with his sister. Digging through the rubble, he comes across a golden hand, and after uncovering his twin siblings’ remarkably well-preserved remains, breaks down in rage and despair. That boy was ACT-ING this episode!

Arya, who was last seen as Death riding a pale horse leaving the city, is for some reason back in the middle of King’s Landing on foot as she spots Jon making his way through Dany’s army celebrating their Queen’s conquest with the Targaryen flag already flying above the city. As Jon slowly summits the steps leading to the burned out Red Keep, we get a flawless rendering of Dany walking out to meet the masses with Drogon’s outstretched wings behind her, the Targaryen every bit the dragon she was born to be. Not ones for subtlety, Benioff and Weiss have the Unsullied and Dothraki (who both seem to have magically repopulated since the Battle of Winterfell) aligned in classic military propaganda formation straight out of the Third Reich, as Daenerys launches into her vision of the new world. Rather than being satisfied with coming home again and reclaiming her ancestral throne, she is now ready to liberate all the people of the world from tyranny wherever she sees fit on every continent, as she finally gives voice to her abstractions of breaking the wheel.

What made last week’s heel turn for Daenerys such an odd choice, was that this was the tyrannical energy the show had been seeding for her all series long. Dany the Conqueror, rather than the Queen, is who she has always been shown to be at the core. Even a character as single-minded as Daario peeped game on that seasons ago. Her needlessly slaughtering citizens of the country she now controlled added nothing to her story when she was already presented as someone who would burn down the old world and anyone standing in the way of her just new one. The fact that the show realized this hadn’t been presented as alarming enough to give Tyrion, Jon, and the others pause until two episodes before the finale — forcing the need to insert implausible character decisions this late into the game — is endemic of the writing so many have been disappointed by.

A Daenerys so convinced of her innate goodness that she sees herself as the only arbiter of justice is terrifying, yet entirely within the scales of an established morality we’ve seen since episode one. Burning your own city to instill fear in those who were only in the capital because they were already afraid of you is maddeningly pointless and logically inconsistent.

Tyrion, who’s as fed up as many of the viewers, confronts his Queen while confessing his latest treason of freeing his brother, and flings off his Hand of the Queen badge in front of the gathered host. Somehow he wasn’t executed on the spot for this (or all his other failures) and is brought to a makeshift prison since the Black Cells are closed for excavation at the moment. He shares a knowing look with Jon as he’s being led away, who turns to probe Dany marching back to her castle, leaving him alone on the platform until Arya ninjas her way up there. She tries to warn Jon that he’s in danger, but you already know he knows nothing.

A picture of inner turmoil, Jon visits Tyrion in his cell, seemingly looking for any way of talking himself into continuing to stand behind Dany after her war crimes. Tyrion however, realizing he played himself after betraying his best friend for inciting treason just last week, pulls a 180 and does everything but get down on one knee to beg Jon to put aside the Ranger and become who he was born to be. The former Hand tries to explain (as a proxy for the writers) how Daenerys’s murder frenzy was foreshadowed all along and compares burning slave masters with non-combatant civilians, showing my man has still lost the thread as he hasn’t been right since he shot his father with a crossbow.

I appreciate the attempt at demonstrating a pattern of violence, and the fact that Daenerys kept killing the right evil people did obscure a creeping tyranny of her own, but these two things are not analogous. It’s the same reason we can tell the difference between Tyrion using wildfire in the Battle of the Blackwater, and Cersei using it to blow up the Sept of Baelor. Tyrion also elides the fact that he was by her side, advising Daenerys through many of these decisions by admitting he loves her, so it's not his fault, nor would it be Jon's for that same reason. After all his other pleas fail, Tyrion echoes Varys trying to convince Ned Stark to confess in season one, and invokes the safety of Sansa and Arya, as it’s all too clear the lengths Daenerys will go to consolidate and maintain her power. He even flips Maester Aemon’s warnings that love is the death of duty into, “sometimes duty is the death of love.”

Still swearing by his Queen, Jon proceeds to the throne room, but not before being sniffed out by Drogon — the three-time defending Hide-and-Seek champion — who managed to bury himself completely in the falling ash. Meanwhile Daenerys, fulfilling her vision from the House of the Undying finally lays her eyes on the prize, and summits the steps to the Iron Throne. She reaches out to claim her victory, but just as in her dream she turns away before getting to sit, becoming distracted by Jon entering the room.

Secure in herself having attained her dream, she greets Jon warmly forgetting she’s disgusted with his betrayal. She begins telling him her origin story, which he interrupts to talk out his angst. As the stupidest man alive, Jon implores her to find some justification for her actions and searches for any shred of the woman he thought she was. Dany unwittingly talks herself out of salvation, describing the world she and Jon will build together as they decide what “good” is, and he realizes she’s too far gone with her convictions. Promising she’ll always be his Queen he finally kisses her like he did by the lake in Naboo, but as he slips the tongue Jon also slips his knife into Daenerys. Just like a man he had to get up in them guts one last time. Cradling Dany’s limp corpse the same way he did Ygritte after she was shot in Castle Black, Jon is a broken man crushed by the weight of his sense of duty to the realm with the genuine love he shared for his now murdered aunt.

The most surprising part of this moment was how boring the whole thing was. Despite genuine performances (Emilia Clarke deserves all her things), and a beautiful score backing it, the whole affair came off as entirely perfunctory. Sure it was the ending most expected, but I never thought I would feel the gaping nothingness watching it all go down. For all the investment I had in both of the characters’ arcs, it was Drogon’s pained screeches of fury that moved me the most as he felt his psychic bond with his mother severed. Watching my young dragon son try to nudge Daenerys back to life like she was Mufasa somehow managed to be far more evocative than the supposed shock of being stabbed to death by her love. Jon didn’t even get Lightbringer for all his troubles.

The dragon in a rage turns towards his cousin, and Jon who it feels like has been looking for a way to die ever since he was resurrected, stands there ready to receive justice. Drogon, First of his name, rightful heir to the Iron Throne and King of the Seven Kingdoms, decides instead to turn his fury on the chair whose corrupting force drove his mother to this end and melts the damn thing. We knew dragons were highly intelligent, but who knew they had such a grasp for symbolism? Taking a final look at Jon, Drogon picks up Daenerys with his claw and flies off into the night as we fade to black.

The scene reopens with Tyrion being awoken in his cell after an unspecified time skip marked only by the shagginess of his beard. Grey Worm leads him out to the Dragon Pit where the lords and ladies of Westeros’ Great Houses have assembled. Sam speaks for the Tarlys despite being disinherited as a member of the Night’s Watch, we have the unnamed Prince of Dorne mentioned two episodes ago, Queen of the Iron Isles Yara Greyjoy, Lord of Storm’s End Gendry Baratheon, a couple of random white men no one even bothers to introduce, and they even dug up Edmure Tully and a Neville Longbottoming Robin Arryn. But the stars of the show are clearly the Starks (Arya, Bran, and Sansa) here to get their brother out of prison. Oh yeah, Jon apparently was arrested off-screen despite there being no body of Daenerys, no dagger to find, and no witnesses to what happened, so you know his dumb ass confessed unprompted. And some people really wanted this dry snitching idiot as King.

As always in these Love & Hip Hop reunion shows, things get off to a contentious start. Yara, whose reign in the Iron Islands was granted by Daenerys, is all for executing Jon for regicide. Arya reminds her to check her tone, and that if she talks about killing Jon again she’ll help her join the rest of the Greyjoys in the afterlife with the quickness. Davos offers to pay off the Unsullied with the Reach (presumably Highgarden) but Grey Worm angrily rejects the bribe in favor of justice. As there is no King or Queen to decide that justice however, Tyrion proposes the assembled crowd decide on a new ruler. There is a perfectly hilarious moment as Edmure Tully really has the unmitigated gall to put himself up for the throne before Sansa — with all the kindness and shade she can muster — tells her uncle to sit his five dollar ass down before she makes change. For a moment, I thought he might have had the good sense to nominate someone else (namely Sansa), but he really tried it. The cackle I let out when I realized he was serious might be my favorite thing this season. Edmure couldn’t even sit down after being shamed into silence without accidentally banging his sword on the pillar of the tent. A clown to the last.

Sam tries to propose the concept of democracy and gets laughed out of the room to the general bemusement of the convened crowd. Tyrion, once again talking himself out of trouble is asked who he thinks should be crowned, and those who thought Jon’s parentage would come into play (at all) in the finale were as bitterly disappointed as #SansaHive when the Lord Lannister put forth Bran Stark. Citing the importance of stories, he decides that Bran has the most electability and as the Three-Eyed Raven knows all the stories. How he decided Bran had the best story when Sansa, Brienne, Arya, or even Davos are sitting right there, no one knows. It remains unclear how much anyone outside of Winterfell is even aware or believes about Bran’s abilities so I’m still not sure how the rest of the nobility went along with it, but after a whole season maintaining he doesn’t want anything anymore, Bran accepts the nomination as King with a sardonic “Why do you think I came all this way?”

Forget the horrible title of “Bran the Broken” as given by Tyrion, he’s Bran the Scammer. This fool really sat there in his chair and finessed his way to the top. Chaos is a ladder indeed! The last time we saw this man in charge he was giving away the two farm hands that Theon burned in place of him and Rickon, and losing his castle to a motley crew of Ironborn. But for some reason, everyone else seems to listen to the twice deposed Hand and Bran carries the day. After a unanimous vote, Sansa demures and asserts the North’s independence from the crown, which King Brandon Stark accepts. Apparently no one told any of the other houses that was an option before the voting. That noise you hear in the background is the internal scream of Dorne and the Iron Islands' regret. Bran then immediately makes Tyrion his Hand, much to Grey Worm’s objection, his punishment for his crimes being to fix the many wrongs he’s made…by doing the same job he already had and screwed up in the first place. Apparently this made sense to everyone but Grey Worm. To keep the peace, Jon, rather than being freed or executed is sent to the Night’s Watch, which their former Lord Commander can’t believe still exists.

Beginning our final goodbyes, we get Jon finally back to his glorious windswept curly hair blowing in freedom as he prepares to head north. He gets stared down by Grey Worm for the last time, who is sailing with the rest of the Unsullied to Naath so that he can honor his word to Missandei to free her people and protect the home she loved so much. The Dothraki are also boarding up, presumably to sail back to Essos as well, but for whatever reason pay no mind to the man who murdered their Khaleesi. On the dock of the bay, the remaining Stark children, after years of being split up by war, finally choose their own fates. Sansa is returning home to rule the North in the Stark name, Bran of course will remain in the capital as King, but the girl who threw away her life as no one to reclaim herself as Arya Stark of Winterfell, decides to make good on a season six promise (made when she thought she had no more family) to sail to the end of the map and find what’s west of Westeros. It’s another moment at odds with the character who had gone through hell to get back to her loved ones, but perhaps more understandable in light of her decision to live for more than just vengeance.

After another uncertain time jump, we find Brienne of Tarth as Lord Commander of the Kingsguard flipping through the Book of Brothers (the White Book) to see Jaime Lannister’s accomplishments, which she fills in with her own hand. Resisting the petty urges in me to turn it into a Burn Book, the most honorable knight in Seven Six Kingdoms restores a bit of dignity to the Kingslayer’s name with Oathkeeper (and possibly Widow’s Wail) hanging on the wall of White Sword Tower. They really could have given it back to the Starks as a sign of goodwill since they were forged from Ice, but I suppose technically it is with the last trueborn son of Ned Stark after they were used to defend his daughters.

Back in the small council room, Tyrion methodically rearranges the deck chairs on the Titanic as we meet King Bran’s court. The new Hand is joined by Bronn, Lord of Highgarden and Lord Paramount of the Reach, as Master of Coin (because a scammer never dies); Ser Davos as the Master of Ships; and Sam Tarly as Grand Maester (despite not having earned any actual links on his chain) because white dudes always fail up. Sam presents Tyrion with the newest work from the Citadel, “A Song of Ice and Fire” detailing the entire series as they lean into the Tolkien. Bran came through dripping in his Kingly raven-themed fit pushed by none other than Ser Podrick, who got himself into the Kingsguard as well. Asking about Drogon’s whereabouts, the best information the council has was that he was flying east (possibly towards Volantis or Valyria) and Bran intones he might have better luck finding the dragon before abruptly being wheeled out of the meeting. Picking up where the series began, we have the small council ruling the country while the King does whatever he feels like, bored with the monotony of ruling.

Speaking of full circle, the series ends mirroring its opening shot from the cold open, with riders leaving Castle Black and setting out beyond the Wall. With the threat of the White Walkers apparently over and the wildlings reaching a peace with the Night’s Watch, the journey is much less perilous. Jon, back in his familiar black as King Crow, and the Stark children now have chosen the people they want to be, as scenes of each of them stepping into their destiny are intercut with their muted victories. Sansa receives the coronation she’s long deserved as Queen in the North, Arya sets sail to Valinor, and Jon — reunited with Ghost and Tormund — sets out with the rest of the Free Folk seemingly forever, choosing to live his life in the real North.

Turn out the lights, the party’s over! In a vacuum, I don’t hate most of the resolutions nearly as much as I thought I would (especially if we end up getting the Arya spinoff that we deserve). But that’s just it, the episode felt exactly like what it was, a mad dash to get to bullet point notes for character journeys. If it weren’t for the previous episodes lowering my expectations, I’d be more disappointed with so many character arcs ending in flat circles, erasing years of growth, but there was no way for them to land planes that had already crashed. In the end, almost none of the plot points that were so interesting had any payoff in the final story and could have been wholly excised, from Jon being Aegon Targaryen, to Arya learning how to be a Faceless Assassin, Daenerys’s fertility or Cersei’s pregnancy, but what’s done is done. Like Dexter, we got four incredible seasons of television, and a few great episodes after that, but now my watch has ended.

It’s been a privilege hopping on these recaps with you all, and I look forward to hearing your thoughts about the finale for good or ill.

[thespacebetweenworlds]

ya know... i GoT thoughts

This post is my summarized thoughts and feelings on episodes 4, 5 and 6 in season 8. I’m putting it in a read more because... long

In short: -Missandei in e4, why it’s stupid and what should have been done differently -Varys discourse -Cersei -Daenerys -morals? in MY game of thrones? -”magic who” said everyone at HBO -opinions on the end

Me @ game of thrones: Don't ever talk to me or my son ever again

At the end of episode 4 I was having serious flashbacks to Katniss' expression at the end of Catching Fire, and I was violently reminded that even though I did not like some of the things she did I am with Daenerys. And if she burns the entire world, I am with her.

So... episode 4. What a disaster.

I've been thinking of Missandei's death and that it could easily have been something better, something that impacts the last two episodes more than just another emotional blow at Daenerys. (Like Rhaegal was bad enough? Her son died? Why double the pain and take her best friend?) (Rhaegal owns my life and That Scene killed me and I’m not okay)

The plot could have easily been changed so that either Jaime or Brienne or both of them were on that ship with Tyrion, Grey Worm and Missandei. Really, they ended up going to King’s Landing anyway. And then, instead of Missandei, either Tyrion, or Jaime, or Brienne could have been captured and then killed at the end of the episode. Don’t look at me, it’s not like any of them did anything for the plot or the story later. And Tyrion telling Jon to kill Daenerys doesn’t count because it was stupid.

If it were Tyrion, standing chained on the city wall, we'd have Jaime standing next to Daenerys and in front of his sister. We’d have an emotional show down between them, the physical distance and the different sides they’re on can be a metaphor for their love life. OR if it were Jaime who was captured, we'd have a Jaime and Euron confrontation an episode earlier, and a Jaime and Cersei confrrontation, before Jaime dies in front of Tyrion by their sister's hand. Cruel, but hey, so was Missandei’s death. OR if it were Brienne, captured and chained, then Jaime and Cersei would stare into each others eyes all emotionally, and Brienne would die for love, and when Jaime and Cersei would meet in private an episode later, maybe it would be different.

Game of Thrones would have: a very emotional audience, very emotional characters AND an actual reason for Sansa and Arya to leave Winterfell (vengeance).

Game of Thrones would not have: killed off the only major black character, and given the white men another reason to think Daenerys is being "emotional" and therefore somehow unfit for the throne.

Now... Varys. What an idiot.

To understand my point, watch this video where Varys and Littlefinger discuss chaos. Littlefinger claims chaos to be a ladder, and the higher you climb the greater your power, while Varys calls chaos a gaping pit. Varys claims to acting “for the realm,” which is what he says in season 8 when justifying his betrayal. I think he’s afraid. I think that Varys only just noticed that he can’t influence Daenerys like he could all the kings he served before, and he sees chaos in Daenerys’s power, a gaping pit that he thinks will swallow his precious realm. Varys hasn’t realised that his idea of a realm is the wheel Dany wishes to break.

Like, Varys wasn't there when she went through flames, he wasn't there when she freed the slaves or united the khals. He wasn’t there when she locked her dragons underground when they killed a child, he wasn’t with her during her desperate attempts to bring peace.

And when did we forget that not only Unsollied and Dothraki followed Daenerys? She promised a home to those who followed her, warrior or not. She had many families following her ever since her dragons were born, and from all the cities she went through there were people who followed her. For a better world. Where are they when Daenerys goes to Westeros?

Moving on to the major bullshit in episode 5.

Or wait, first some sibling bonding. Jaime and Cersei. I suppose lots of people liked Jaime breaking up with Cersei, but I quite liked the fact that in the end he was at her side (I kinda expected him to stab Cersei the same way Jon stabs Daenerys later, but now I think they probably attempted to not be repetitive). I like that Tyrion helped him be there. Families are important to Westerosi culture. It’s sad that the Lannisers got more heartfelt sibling bonding than the Starks though (Alexa, play the Rains of Castamere).

Things get soupier. Both Cersei and Daenerys have three children that lived, and they’d do anything for them. Then throughout the season, we see Cersei standing around, looking badass, plotting the death of her enemies, all that. But that’s all she does, She’s painted as a villain, when she is only a woman who wants to rule.

Now the bullshit: Cersei is the villain in episodes 4 and 5, and then there’s a seamless change to Daenerys as the villain in episodes 5 and 6. And that’s fucked up. Other posts talk about the sexism (and racism, with Missandei killed for... shock value? tears? fuck knows) in this season better than I could.

The to Cersei’s disappointment nonexistent elephants in the room when discussing my favourite dragon lady is the moral question. The entirety of tumblr fandom likes to have their characters and storytelling labeled neatly as “good” or “irredeemably bad.” It’s one of those things and never both. But Game of Thrones doesn’t work like that, and if you think it does, please, please read the books, or rewatch everything.

Despite that, if you had one (1) functional brain cell, you’d know that Daenerys wouldn’t burn the entire city. She’s never kiiled innocent people on purpose. Why would she start now? But okay, she did that. About half of the other major players would have done the same. Maybe Robert Baratheon wouldn’t, but only because he was the rebel and he needed public opinion of him to be somehwat positive. Renly idk, but Stannis would have. To Margaery it probably wouldn’t occur, but both Littlefinger and Cersei wouldn’t hesitate, just as Cersei didn’t hesitate when blowing up the sept.

Game of Thrones has never been so much about good and evil, it has been about a bunch of people who want things. All of them did morally black things, but suddenly we have Jon, a character who wants to do the “right” thing? Ned Stark died for this kinda mindset. (Not to mention it’s out of character. Jon has always been Ned Stark’s son, but even Jon broke his oaths.)

And hell, that’s why the story works so well. There’s no moral initiative, no “good” or “bad,” and while yeah, the Night King and the Lord of Light drama is pretty dark/light storytelling (not to mention all the comparisons to the real world and climate change), that’s in the background. A subplot.

Because what we care about are the characters, the very real motivations they have, how they deal with life, how they get what they want, the fucking game of thrones. And there’s no good and evil people, there’s people, and you disagree with some of them. Just like Captain America and Ironman disagreed in Civil War, maybe a bit like T’Challa and Killmonger disagreed in Black Panther, and definitely like some people like cats and others like dogs.

(Vanilla vs. Chocolate discourse, anyone?)

Moving on to episode 6.

I cried a lot, and to be honest, I wanted both Jon and Tyrion to be dragon food. But okay, they’re both nice guys, I can deal with them being alive, and after all Jon’s ending with the wildlings is good for him. But.

Jon killing Daenerys is the stupidest thing ever. I get that it’s somehow like some Shakespearean Drama, and Daenerys is the tragic hero, but like??

Sometimes show writers have no idea who they’re writing and it shows. Because Jon loved Ygritte, and he wasn’t able to kill her when they were on opposite sides of a battlefield. And Jon loved Daenerys. ???????

Additionally, I’m not saying I hate all of what they did with the magic and the Lord of Light and the Night King, the Children of the Forest and Azor Ahai lore. But they didn’t do enough of it. There are so many lose threads on the magic in this series, I can’t. And it hurts, because it could have been so beautiful. Those scenes where Daenerys walks through fire and doesn’t die, those scenes beyond the wall with the three eyed raven, and the beautiful, majestetic, perfect dragons? They are what I love about A Song of Ice and Fire.

Last but not least, the end. Like, I have many opinions, and I’m not going to attempt to list all of them. Game of Thrones has many strong women characters, and I’d like to give another thought to Yara of House Greyjoy. Both she and Sansa deserved more. I love that Sansa became Queen in the North, but I hate that apparently she planned Daenerys’s downfall by telling Tyrion about Jon’s parents. Why can’t strong ladies be friends?

The end to such a successful story can’t please everyone, so if you feel like it you can join me and my son, Drogon, in a pile of blankets where we pretend GoT ended with episode 3 and it was simply too dark to see what exactly happened. Did Melisandre bring Viserion back from the dead? Did Bran do some cool magic? Did Missandei marry Grey Worm and sail home to Naath? Guess we’ll never know...

But seriously, the thing with the book was so cheesy and stupid what the fuck?? Can we rename the series to “The Rise and Fall of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen”?

You know what I missed in season 8? The Stark siblings. They interacted like,, 2 times in 6 episodes. They were all finally united again, well, those who didn’t die, and then they part ways? Um? No?

@ game of thrones: don’t talk to me or my son, Drogon, ever again. You know what you did.

And I'm salty that Daenerys and Sansa aren't best friends. Like, enemies to lovers is fine but what about enemies to friends to lovers -

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Ohhh man. please tell me you are joking about the thing where they said they didn't want to give Hanssen any storylines because it would ruin the mystery because wtaf??? that is the stupidest thing I've ever read. i mean what kind of logic even is that???? ahdhfhfh. anyway thanks for the laugh

I couldn't make it up. It is legit too ridiculous to make up. It's a real quote from 2015. https://www.digitalspy.com/soaps/holby-city/a672662/holby-city-producer-simon-harper-reveals-more-story-teasers-well-crack-hanssen-open-again/

"That's a really interesting question because the thing about Hanssen and why he works so beautifully is that he is an enigma. You could say that he was always a bit quiet - that's kind of the whole point of him. The great thing about Hanssen is that he always looms beautifully in other people's stories. He's the moral centre, the captain of the hospital, and the conscience of the other characters who keeps them on the right track. In a sense, to keep Hanssen as Hanssen, you never want him to give away too much.

"When Hanssen left in 2013, we finally cracked him wide open with the Sweden episode because we thought he was leaving and not coming back. When he did return, we closed him up again, to use a surgical metaphor. That does beg the questions of why has he frozen over again, what happened in Sweden and what has he left behind? Without giving too much away and ruining the enigma of the character, we'll be cracking him open again just a little and alluding to those questions."

Like... what do you even say to that. "He's the moral centre, the captain of the hospital, and the conscience of the other characters who keeps them on the right track"... that's Sacha!! Not Henrik!! Why were the producers saying this stuff like Henrik didn't literally spend his first stint bullying Sahira for not fucking him and bullying everyone else for not being Sahira.

No wonder the writing for Henrik throughout his entire second stint was so rubbish (with the exception of the Fredrik storyline and some parts - namely, the ones written by Andy Bayliss - of the Gaskell storyline). They just really, really did not know how to write him without Justin Young (his creator, who worked on the show throughout the entirety of Henrik's first stint but left after S15).

[aion-rsa]

How The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Finally Gives Sharon Carter Her Due

https://ift.tt/3mkhmr5

This article contains THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER spoilers.

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier has its fair share of issues: The bizarrely uneven pacing, the mixed messages about capitalism and propaganda, the fact that Flag Smashers is literally the stupidest name for a villain supergroup in history even if they do exist in the comics. But like WandaVision before it, the series truly excels at giving multiple sidelined Marvel Cinematic Universe characters a chance to finally step forward into their own stories.

In just three episodes of this Disney+ series, we’ve already seen more acknowledgment of Sam’s struggle as a Black superhero than we have in any other MCU property. We’ve watched Bucky Barnes – arguably the franchise’s most tortured, damaged soul – seek help for his mental health struggles, try to facilitate restoration for his former victims, and bring justice to those he worked for as the villainous Winter Soldier. The show has barely scratched the surface of his complex relationship with Steve Rogers and his apparent obsession with his BFF’s legacy, but there’s every likelihood we’ll circle back to it eventually. Someone has to take up that shield, after all.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Third episode “Power Broker” brings back another familiar face in Sharon Carter, a character who is more often remembered for the uber-awkward kiss she shared with her aunt’s once and future boyfriend in Captain America: Civil War than for any actual specifics about her personality. Her brief appearances in the films have established that she’s intelligent, a pretty decent hand-to-hand fighter, and determined to do the right thing, no matter the consequences (thanks for that lesson, Aunt Peggy). Heck, she even single-handedly led an insurrection to try and save SHIELD way back when it was taken over by Hydra in Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Yet, despite all that, the character simply could not catch a break, either onscreen or among the MCU franchise’s fandom. The fact that Sharon’s presence in Civil War is largely used to reassert Steve Rogers’ heterosexual status rather than to explore any actual aspect of who she is or what she wants makes her presence in the story seem pointless, and though she has appeared in two separate MCU films, the franchise has never bothered to give her much of a personality beyond a sort of blonde civil servant archetype.

Thankfully, that seems to finally be changing. Because the Sharon Carter who appears in Madripoor feels like a woman we’ve literally been waiting years to meet.

Read more

Movies

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Episode 3 Ending Explained

By Jim Dandy

TV

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Episode 3: Marvel and MCU Easter Eggs Guide

By Kirsten Howard and 3 others

Gone is the All-American girl positioned as a perfect match for Captain America. In her place is a Sharon Carter that’s been hardened by life in a dangerous world of bad luck and worse choices. She’s apparently the only person still paying for her involvement in the events of Civil War, and all her former teammates and supposed friends were clearly content to let her languish in a country without extradition laws, rather than help clear her name. (Don’t get me wrong I love Bucky, but he got a pardon already, didn’t he? For crimes that were a whole lot worse than anything Sharon did?)

Her bitter, jaded attitude rings true for someone who not only had to say goodbye to everything she cared about but had to relearn how to exist in a post-Blip world without any of the signposts that had previously defined her identity (and not for nothing, but it also makes her a lot more interesting and layered than she’s ever been allowed to be before). Of course, Sharon now seems pretty cynical about things like the Avengers and the culture of superheroes that surround them – but what did any of them do for her except literally ruin her life?

This is a Sharon who has not only learned how to fend for herself, she’s now a woman with real agency who doesn’t apologize for having choices or making them. Yes, she’s lost her idealism and her moral compass appears to have become a bit tarnished in the years since Civil War, but can we really judge her for that when Bucky and Sam are out here breaking a mass murderer out of jail? Sharon fences stolen art, sure, but only because she’s been caught up in the crossfire of events that aren’t and haven’t ever been her fault. Her life has become collateral damage to something much bigger than she is, and the institutions she spent her life serving didn’t show up to save her. She had to save herself instead, and those kinds of lessons are difficult to forget.

All of this makes Sharon “kind of awful now” according to Bucky, which is the sort of offhand comment that is theoretically supposed to be a joke, except these two have never been that kind of friends and this is a franchise that has, in the past, been wildly reluctant to acknowledge that its female characters can and should be allowed to encompass the same shades of grey as its men. In reality, these experiences have left Sharon as three-dimensional and layered as either of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’s heroes, with her own private griefs and rage.

This rage is most clearly expressed in her positively brutal fighting style, which now involves deadly accurate knife-throwing skills and a much more violent hand-to-hand technique. Her face-off with a gang of local thugs is one of the best in MCU history, and the fact that she’s allowed such a scene feels like a significant step forward for a character who not very long ago seemed doomed to languish as little more than a love interest.

Yes, it’s a bit disappointing that Baron Zemo ultimately gets more screen time in “Power Broker” than Sharon does – no matter how charming Daniel Bruhl trying to dance might be – but it seems evident that this won’t be the last we’ll see of the former Agent 13. This episode repeatedly hints that there’s more to Sharon’s business in Madripoor than meets the eye – heck, she might even be the eponymous boss herself – and whatever she’s up to now, it’s probably not going to be strait-laced hero stuff. What a difference a few years in forced hiding makes, huh?

The post How The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Finally Gives Sharon Carter Her Due appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3cIVliu

[the-desolated-quill]

In The Forest Of The Night - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

What... the fuck... have I just watched?

I legitimately didn’t think it was possible for an episode to be as bad as Kill The Moon. In my naivety, I assumed that was the lowest of the low, and that while I was sure the rest of the Moffat era would be fucking terrible, at least no episode could possibly sink any lower than that pile of garbage. While In The Forest of The Night is nowhere near as morally offensive as Kill The Moon, it could rival it in terms of pure, nonsensical bollocks. Seriously, who the fuck looked at this cowpat of a script and thought this was a winner?

Oh yeah. I forgot.

Things start off promising enough. A little girl is running through a forest and bumps into the Doctor, who discovers that the forest is right in the middle of London. After the opening titles, it soon transpires that the entire planet is now covered in trees. Okay, I thought. This is different and could be potentially interesting. There’s just one teeny, tiny problem with it. Trees aren’t scary. They’re just not. Trees are good. We like trees. So it’s going to take a lot of convincing to get us to change our minds about that. The writer Frank Cottrell-Boyce really tries as well. Rather than focusing on the mystery of where this global forest came from, the story tries desperately to make you afraid of trees, and it just doesn’t work. The Doctor at one point starts banging on about how forests have become a fixture in fairytales because they’re mankind’s worst nightmare, which is stupid for two reasons. One, the reason why forests crop up in Hansel & Gretall and Little Red Riding Hood and so on is because those fairytales originated from Germany, and at that time Germany consisted of nothing but forests interspersed with the occasional village. And two, TREES ARE NOT SCARY! In Hansel & Gretall, the trees aren’t the threat. The witch in the gingerbread house was. In Little Red Riding Hood, the trees aren’t the threat. The Big Bad Wolf was. Even in modern fantasy stuff like Harry Potter, the trees aren’t the threat. The fucking monsters and giant spiders are! Cottrell-Boyce, try reading a fucking book some time. You might learn something.

To a certain extent, I think Cottrell-Boyce recognises that trees aren’t remotely frightening (and that watching the characters traipsing endlessly through the woods is boring as fuck), hence why he adds a bunch of random stupid shit in a desperate attempt to shake things up. How does Nelson’s Column end up falling down? And that whole sequence with the wolves and the tiger is just stupid. No Doctor, a wolf will not be put off if you make yourself look big. In fact wolves prefer to hunt large mammals. Also shining a light in a tiger’s face is about the stupidest thing you can do because it’ll just aggravate it.

Actually let’s quickly talk about Danny for a second. The episode tries really hard to paint him as this caring guardian figure, but that’s really not the case at all. He talks about how dangerous and irresponsible the Doctor is, but he’s the one that takes the kids into the path of a fucking tiger just because he’s jealous of the Doctor and Clara’s bond. Great teacher! Also, while Clara definitely deserves a bit of scolding for lying to him, I thought it was a bit rich him lecturing her about ‘fearing a little less, trusting a bit more,’ when he was the one who gave Clara an ultimatum saying that he’ll dump her if she doesn’t tell him every single thing that ever happens to her. Not for the first time, I find myself asking why the fuck are these two dating. Not only is Danny an insecure, entitled, controlling little piss-baby, the two of them don’t seem to have anything in common. Look at the scene where Clara asks Danny to come and watch the solar flare with her and the Doctor. This could have been a nice moment for all three characters to properly bond. Instead Danny refuses because the supposed horrors he saw while he was a soldier means he doesn’t want to see anything new ever for the rest of his life. Wow. He seems like a fun one, doesn’t he? I bet the ladies are queueing at the door for someone as exciting as him.

And as for the plot... dear God almighty!

It’s boring beyond belief for one thing. The majority of the episode consists of the Doctor, Clara and Danny walking through the woods with a bunch of interchangeable children that’s occasionally interrupted by moments of pure nonsense. Like the government planning to make paths through the forest using ‘carefully controlled burns.’ And once you get past the idiocy of the government attempting to start a forest fire in an urban area, it then turns out that these ‘carefully controlled burns’ consist of a bunch of men in silver suits wildly aiming a flamethrower at a random tree. Oh but there is no need to panic because apparently trees can... withhold oxygen?

That’s part of the reason why I wasn’t remotely tense or frightened during the wolf and tiger scene (apart from the fact that it’s bollocks for the reasons I explained earlier). I was too busy trying to process the fact that the Doctor had just told us that the trees are magic. And not just magic. Apparently they can talk as well. Kind of a big deal this, and yet the characters pretty much just shrug it off. They never talk about what’s actually happening or question the trees motives or anything. They’re basically just being dragged along by this bollocks plot.

So a solar storm is coming and the Doctor doesn’t think he can save the planet, so Clara tells him to save who he can. But then when the Doctor tries to save the children, Clara immediately contradicts herself, telling him that the kids just want their mums and dads and that this was all a clever ploy to get the Doctor back to the TARDIS. But that’s all a load of shit, isn’t it? Why can’t the Doctor save the kids and their mums and dads? Why does the Doctor just leave after his half-arsed attempt to convince Clara and Danny to come with him? He would never do that. Also Clara does know the TARDIS is a time machine, right? She doesn’t have to die or be the last of her kind. She can live a lovely life in any time period she chooses. It’s hard to feel the supposed emotional weight to this scene when none of it makes even a pixel of sense.

Meanwhile the government is trying to use defoliant on the trees because apparently the leaves are what makes the trees fireproof (huh?) and then comes the dumbest scene of all. Remember in Kill The Moon when the Doctor came across as a complete idiot while he was spouting unscientific crap? Well here I think he’s going to need to sit in the corner wearing a cone shaped hat with the word ‘Dunce’ written on it, because the scientific ignorance is truly shocking.

Turns out the trees knew the solar storm was coming and so produced extra oxygen, acting as an ‘airbag’, to protect the planet... somehow.

Hmmmm. Yeah. Um... how can I put this?

AIRBAGS DON’T WORK LIKE THAT!

The way airbags actually work is that the gas inside them, propelled by an explosion, exerts a force in the opposite direction to your face. Not only does having trees producing extra oxygen that’s just casually hanging around not constitute an airbag in any way, shape or form, I also don’t understand how this is meant to help against a solar storm. Fire needs more than just oxygen to burn. It needs fuel. Fuel provided by a bunch of trees for example. A global forest producing extra oxygen isn’t going to help stop the planet burning. if anything it’s going to make the planet burn faster. This is by far and away the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Frank Cottrell-Boyce... this is fucking primary school stuff. How can you not know that? Were you smoking pot behind the bike sheds? Were you too busy drawing little beards and moustaches on the pictures of sperms in your science textbook? (also if the tress are protecting us from solar storms, where were they in The Beast Below when the Earth got scorched?)

Also what was the point of the little girl? They end up going down the same patronising route that Vincent And The Doctor went by implying that people with mental illnesses or special needs have magic powers, but it’s worse here because there doesn’t actually seem to be a point to it (unless I’ve missed something). The only thing the girl really contributes is that stupid little speech she gives to the world’s governments telling them to stop killing trees because they’re nice I guess (and the governments actually listen. Good God, it’s pathetic. It really is).

So the episode ends, the trees magically disappear (couldn’t some of them have hung around to help us with global warming?) and it turns out that little girl’s lost sister was hiding in a bush this whole time. Why? I don’t know and I don’t fucking care truth be told. I’m just glad the end credits started rolling.

Two things to take away from In The Forest Of The Night. One, this episode was a load of crap. Two, Frank Cottrell-Boyce desperately needs to redo his Science GCSE. Seriously, this is just shameful.

[curestardust]

if you want: seinen / intriguing first half with great pacing (and really bad second half with a shitty ending) / dark subject matter

Babylon is quite something in its first half. 

Our main character is Seizaki, a public prosecuter who gets involved in a scheme surrounding the political groups of the newly established city state, Shiniki. Or that is what the 1st episode lets you believe. If you haven’t read the summary or reviews, the ending turns this from a quite normal looking detective drama to a much more bloody affair in a way that’ll definitely make viewers interested in the prospects of the anime heading forward.

Babylon uses conventional ways of making the viewer feel hopeful that this new solution the main cast comes up with will solve at least something, then it tramples on that hope and fucking yeets it out of the window. Yes, the first half of the anime is a morbidly beautiful trainwreck that serves to destroy our main character’s resolve little by little and if you’re into that, feel free to watch the first 7 episodes. There’s a giant tonal shift from then on, almost like watching a different anime, and I promise you, the rest of the anime won’t answer or satisfy you in any way that you should have to power through the quite nonsensical pseudo-philosophy lidden 2nd half.

But I haven’t actually talked about the plot. That’s because it makes absolutely no sense and the main villain’s presence completely ruins any credibility this anime would’ve had dealing with the subject matter; suicide. Shiniki was supposed to be a bit of a trial-ground for a new nation, which (un)surprisingly doesn’t go very well as the first new law introduced is the Suicide Law which states that now suicide is legal. This law will take presedence over everything else in the 2nd half. Instead of focusing on the main villain or the main character, we get one of the most ridiculous new secondary main characters who seems like 2 person in one body purely because if he were a normal little folk, the anime couldn’t move forward with the political side of things. He is, or rather, his position is completely laughable and goes against everything the anime has said in the first half.

Anyway, this law is discussed from moral, ethical, legal etc but all of it is mute. Why? Because the almost every single suicide we see is caused by one “person”. This “person” seems to have some sort of a supernatural power which makes NO sense in this anime. There isn’t anyone like this character in the series and we don’t understand her purpose either. They can basically whisper into someone’s ear and boom they suddenly really want to die. Cool. Except this character’s “power” LITERALLY destroys the entire suicide argument the show is so bent on. For the plot couldn’t move forward without the main villain’s schemes in the background. If you think about what wouldn’t have happened in Babylon if this character were not there, you’d realise that nothing. Nothing would’ve happened. For this law is the stupidest thing in existence. I promise you, no person who commits suicide is concerned of its legality. You know why? Because they are dead!!! What does the law mean to a dead person? Not to mention that in most cases, a suicidal person is not thinking clearly, even when they think they are. But we don’t see the repercussions of this law on the general populus. We are only told statistics and the suicides we DO see are caused by the villain. 

In episode 11 or something there’s also a fucking hilarious scene of politicians trying to figure out what “good” and “evil” is and it’s presented in the most pretentious fashion with them floating in space and symbolism and it’s just sooo stupid. Even the Eureka! conclusion the secondary main character comes up with is flawed.

I don’t understand why this anime had to take itself so seriously in the second half. The first half set up a quite tragic but intriguing story which could’ve ended in a beautiful bloody trainwreck. I didn’t expect or want a happy ending from this anime. It set itself up as dark with a pinch of madness added in every episode. And I wanted to see that madness completely consume everything by the end. Instead I got politicians talking and a ridiculous and unfulfilling ending. The score is only because of the atmoshpere and potential of the first half, otherwise this would be a 2.

DISCLAIMER: As much as this anime wants us to take its arguments of suicide seriously, the writer has no idea what the fuck he is talking about. This anime brings up suicide as an acceptable alternative and for those of you who aren’t in your best mental state, please don’t watch this.

[4/10] (x)

Recommend: HELL Yeah! | Yes | Eh??? | Nope | This anime killed my parents

[taiblogcomics]

At The Man-Things of Madness

Hey there, pizza delivery vans. Sorry I'm late again, but if you follow my modblog, you'll see that today was kind of an ordeal. I really did sit down and say "Oh, I'll start today's update at 8", and then BAM. I wake up and it's suddenly midnight. This happens to me a lot, so please bear with me. To celebrate this, though, join me for more of a waking nightmare in this week's review~

Here's the cover:

...Where do I even start with this cover? Like, it's not a bad cover. It's actually pretty trippy and cool. That's the problem: how do you comment on this? It's weird and cool and insane. I like it, I just don't know how to describe it. Anyway, sticky-hand Man-Thing visits the Distortion World~

So we open on a recap page that's essentially a less-interesting version of the cover--and I should note that every issue opens with a recap page for the series overall, which seems to be a thing Marvel does with all their series nowadays, now I think on it. Those aren't included in the trades, but this second page probably will be. It completely interrupts the flow of the story, and is ultimately pointless, because we immediately go from that to where the story is actually: Man-Thing--now demorphed into harmless Ted Sallis--in the alternate dimension ruled by goth teen Irena. Ted just defeated a giant named Tiny Behemoth by way of forfiet, and now is granted the chance to go home--if he beheads the guy he came there to save in the first place~

Anyway, Ted doesn't have much choice. If he doesn't behead Oldfather, the queen's goons will do it for him. His only option is to concentrate and will himself into transforming back into Man-Thing. ...And he succeeds! But for some reason, he also ends up about a foot tall. No explanation why, it's just a thing that happens, because this comic likes to screw with Man-Thing and the universe is therefore randomly a dick to him for no reason. Regardless, at the size of an action figure, Man-Thing is too small to do anything other than stare helplessly at the goons as they lop off Oldfather's head.

Except, of course, continuing the theme of jerking Man-Thing around for no reason, Irena reveals it was all an illusion! Oldfather is much too important to kill right away--she'd like to torture him first. Lovely. Man-Thing returns to his human form and asks why Irena wants to do this at all, since Oldfather's death would cause a load of devastation on Earth. The answer? She doesn't have any other form of entertainment. Netflix doesn't exist in this dimension. No, that's seriously the answer she gives. She has the pair of them thrown in separate cells, and goes to consult her favourite book: "Pain and Torture for Dummies". Again: no, really, these actual things that are said in this comic.

Ted mopes in his cell, frustrated that he was unable to do anything. He squeezes that medallion he brought with him, wondering if he could wish hard enough on it to send him home, then drops the thought on grounds that he can't leave without Oldfather. Despite this, the medallion starts to glow, and suddenly Lily-Ann appears. She claims she escaped the snakes and followed him into this other dimension to help him. Apparently she recognised him the whole time, and the two start making out.

Time to be an ass to Ted again~!

When the kiss breaks, Lily-Ann suddenly turns into one of the pythons that carried her off before. It turns out they were magic pythons from this dimension, the Python's World, and living in the Florida swamps has been very good to them. Now they're ready to take over everything else. Ted quickly discovers that wrestling with a giant snake doesn't work so well. The snake gets around him, and swallows him over the course of an entire page. Well, of all the things in this issue I didn't expect, "vore fetishism" is pretty high on the list.

The snake begins fantasising about how he's free to take over the world now, and how handsome he is, when suddenly he feels sick. Before he can wonder any more things, Man-Thing bursts out of the snake, blowing it into big, bloodless chunks. Yeah, no gore, despite the decapitation in the earlier scene. Also, Man-Thing is now regular-sized, despite turning tiny the previous time he transformed. And if you think it was just a visual choice, no, he literally exploded out of the snake--there's now a big hole in the wall from the force of the explosion. If you like when things follow a logical pattern, this is not the series for you~

Anyway, this prison cell shares a wall with a lush, well-decorated hallway that ultimately leads to Queen Irena's personal chambers. She spends half a page making extremely lame jokes until she reveals she can read Man-Thing's mind, just for the writer's convenience of making their conversations easier. She promises to help him get home, mostly because she can't stand having him around in her nicely-decorated apartment or whatever.

Queen Irena leads him to another room, where we meet a fellow named The Eye. Guess what his major defining feature is. The Eye tells Man-Thing to clear his mind and look deep into his guess where. Man-Thing pshaws the idea of hypnosis, and then is put into a hypnotic trance. He is now fully under The Eye's--and therefore, Queen Irena's--control. They immediately return to the arena, and begin the whole beheading thing again. And the comic ends with a cut to black with a gory sound effect written over it.

Oh, right, I nearly forgot about the backup feature. Seriously, I put the comic aside and was about to wrap up, until I suddenly remembered that the dumb faux-horror storytelling is not limited to the established characters~

Anyway, our two-minute protagonist here is Martin Freed, a man on the local Neighbourhood Watch, whose adherence to duty is commendable, but his tact is somewhat lacking, noted by his comment of "Ewwwww, that hunk of meat used to be a human being." upon finding a person's corpse. And why is this Neighbourhood Watch carrying rifles and patrolling the streets, finding mangled corpses? Werewolves.

My main problem with "werewolves are bad guys" stories is the notion that 20-something days of the month, werewolves are just normal people. It's a real morally sticky kind of era, and I bring it up because this notion doesn't factor into the story at all. The very next scene is a group of other Neighbourhood Watch guys at a bar crowing about how they's gonna bag them some wolf trophies fer their den, or whatever. Martin, to his credit, doesn't really join in with these guys.

Naturally the police deny any werewolf involvement on the TV news, but everyone's convinced this is a cover-up. Martin gets his gun and a pair of infrared goggles, and goes out for his first patrol. He's still somewhat jumpy at the prospect of werewolves, and unfortunately, tragedy strikes. Martin fires at the first sign of movement, and guns down an innocent man. Panicking, Martin pulls out a knife, and makes a bunch of cuts to mangle the body into looking like an animal attack rather than a gunshot. I'm pretty sure forensics will figure that out right away, but the guy's just committed accidental murder and isn't thinking straight.

Martin goes home, and can barely sleep. He's honestly wracked with guilt over the whole thing, and it's this more than anything that's selling this story. The next night, back on patrol again, he hears a shot and finds his friend Jack standing over a mangled corpse much like the one Martin made yesterday. Suddenly overcome, Martin confesses his deeds to Jack. Jack gives him a long, quiet look, and then points to the body at his feet. "Me too," he replies, "That's what we all do. You didn't really think there were werewolves, did you?" Wow, so this isn't so much a horror story as a badly put-together proposal for an episode of CSI~

Honestly, this might be the stupidest, most “what the fuck” thing I’ve ever read. The ads for this series bragged that R.L. Stine was going to bring ��his brand of horror” to Marvel Comics, and this right here is what that meant. Everything is disjointed nonsense with no reason behind it except to shit all over the protagonist and make him look and feel like an idiot, much like some of the worst Goosebumps books. It’s really kind of fascinating in a way. It’s such an amazing example of how terrible a writer Stine can be that I don’t know whether I hate this comic or adore it. And don’t even get me started on that back-up feature, what the fuck.

You’d better believe that next week we’re going to look at the fifth and final issue of Man-Thing. I’m even pre-empting pony comics to do it. It’s just gotta be done. Trust me, the sooner we’re done with all this, the better~

[romancevsreality-blog]

vanderpump rules, season five, episode seventeen: the editing is so shady in this episode and i love everyone for it

I completely forgot about Tom and Tom in drag until the opening of this episode, but we’re back in New Orleans, and they’re as dragged out as ever. Katie sits and drinks a FourLoko because she’s basic as hell while she rehashes the story to Stassi, who claims she had no idea because remember - these people weren’t friends a year ago. Stassi was off having cuffing season with her boyfriend and pretending she’s morally superior to these people. She’s crying because of it, though. Katie’s tired of pretending that Tom didn’t fuck the girl in Vegas, Ariana and Scheana are pretending that Schwartz wasn’t forced to propose to Katie at gunpoint, and Sandoval is just going to defend Schwartz with all his might for the rest of time. And Sandoval is right - Katie gave Schwartz an ultimatum despite their relationship having its issues.

What prompts is literally an angry rant from Sandoval in drag, him kicking the door in while yelling “He’s a fucking battered wife!”, and Tom Schwartz sitting on the bed in his wig cap, trying not to laugh at the entire scenario.

It is hilarious. I am dead.

Katie, meanwhile, is still trying to play the victim with Kristen, Brittany, Jax, and Stassi, who are trying to reassure her that she’s not the stupidest person1 when Schwartz comes in and insults Kristen and then calls Katie a bitch, and then walks out. It is literally pointless, but it leads to Kristen and Brittany talking about how Tom Schwartz only gets this way when Tom Sandoval is around. Kristen’s irrational hatred for Tom Sandoval isn’t cute anymore. Y’all broke up three years ago and Kristen slept with everyone she could during their relationship, so. I don’t get why Kristen hates him so much. I’m also massively upset because Brittany is on the wrong side f history here, taking Kristen’s side.

I find myself questioning everything when Jax starts making sense. Then again, he’s 2000 years old, so he must have some form of wisdom. I must be as drunk as Tom Schwartz is, because Jax just wants Tom to apologize to Katie to see if that will make Katie own up to her own shitty behavior. And if it doesn’t (and it won’t), then Tom will know to GTFO this relationship. It’s not the worst advice. He takes Tom over to Katie, where Katie and Stassi are laying in bed, and basically herds the other girls out. Jax loses my favor swiftly, though, when he complains about having to perform the act of oral sex on his girlfriend. Come on, Jax. You’re better than this.

The next day, Tom Schwartz wakes up in a dress, with a boner, in Jax and Brittany’s room. Tom Sandoval wakes up with nails still on. Ariana and Tom talk about how weird and awkward things are going to be today, and I’m mostly concerned that Tom Sandoval probably slept in his contacts because he couldn’t take them out with those pointy devil nails on.

The next scene is one of the shadiest scenes I’ve seen in reality television, though.

Scheana and Shay are in bed talking, and they’re discussing the fact that Katie and Tom fight all the time and it’s a great idea that they had a prenup. Scheana wasn’t worried about having a prenup with Shay, because she trusted him. What was he going to do, empty out her bank account?2

Stassi’s having a hard time, because the entire time Tom and Katie have been together, they’ve been having the same argument - Katie gets drunk, they fight; Tom gets drunk, they fight. And she’s right - how do you support a couple who can’t seem to stop having the same argument over and over again?

Here comes the Contractually Obligated Scene That Takes Place At Sexy Unique Restaurant With Lisa Vanderpump. They’re getting so heavy-handed with these now, it’s amazing. Lisa’s at Sexy Unique Restaurant, instructing Suck A Dick Diana not to let the gardeners cut too many branches and, oh, promoting someone we’ve never seen before to a server position. Here’s Katie O’Malley, who’s been a host at Sexy Unique Restaurant and for some reason showing her midriff at work, getting a shot at being a server at Sexy Unique Restaurant. Sure. Anyway, Katie calls Lisa and tells her a brief rundown - lots of fighting, blah blah blah. Lisa wonders if they are entirely capable of having fun with each other (answer: probably not?).

The Gang’s at a cabana by the pool, and everyone’s treating Tom Schwartz with kid gloves. Tom’s afraid of Katie, and they’re all pretty much like “AWWWW, TOMMMMM.”

Kristen, Katie, and Stassi go to Stassi’s childhood home, which is up for sale. I lived in the same house for most of my childhood and my adult life, and I’m having a tough time reconciling the idea that at some point it won’t be mine. My mom says she’s going to move soon and it hurts my heart to think about it. We meet Stassi’s grandma, who has to suffer through Stassi telling her about how hungover she is. Her grandma is a boss bitch, fabulously dressed and a genuine sweetheart. She’s the one who gave Stassi her nickname, and she’s pretty much what you want to be when you’re a grandma. Stassi asks for her Chanels, something I would do, too.

Back at the cabana, Jax is trying to talk Tom out of marrying Katie because Jax sees what we’re all seeing. Tom claims he was being dramatic in the heat of the moment - he probably is - and then Sandoval comes in with a pink tank top for him and the moment’s broken and over. This show is full of red flags of how not to be in a relationship and how toxicity works. Meanwhile, Stassi ruins a perfectly gorgeous dress by getting in the pool at her dad’s house with it on, and Katie feels validated that everyone can see that it’s not just her that gets drunk and mean. The mere fact that she thinks that’s “winning” says so much. Proving someone is just as bad as you are is not “winning”, it means there’s something wrong with both of you.

Katie O’Malley is getting quizzed by Lisa, and isn’t fully prepared. Like, at all. This girl has barely looked at this food, let alone knows the menu. She basically kind of rambles on and makes up dish ingredients, and Lisa is unimpressed. Girl doesn’t even know what the specials are, and that’s usually the easiest one to remember. Sigh. Katie’s sent to try again later.

Tom comes into Katie’s room like “BUUUUUUUUUUBBA?????” in that horrifically passive aggressive way. He pretends not to know why they’re fighting, when it’s glaringly obvious. Katie wants him to admit that he slept with the girl in Vegas, and he maintains steadfast that he didn’t. And here’s the thing - I don’t think he did. Whiskey dick is a hell of an issue, and I’m sure he tried. And it’s harder to be like “I tried, but I couldn’t,” than it is to just flat out lie by omission, which is what Tom is doing. I do wish he would admit that what he did was hurtful, even so, and Katie has the right to be upset about it. He’s basically a little drunk. We get a good glimpse into how they fight, because Tom is like, “You were a nightmare for the first three years we dated,” And Katie’s like, “You can’t throw that in my face!” Even though she was literally just throwing the Vegas girl thing from two years ago in his face. They both decided to marry each other, they have to live in the bed they made. They can’t blame each other and refuse to take accountability. Katie’s trying to have a serious conversation, and Tom literally squirts whipped cream in his mouth because he’s a child. They weirdly make up, and basically mutually agree to squash shit. Or at least put a band-aid on things because they want to have fun.

All the guys go out and The Toms are wearing fucking zoot suits and take Fuck You shots. Jax says Jameson is disgusting and I clutch my pearls. They take shots of chartreuse because they’re barbarians, and that leads to a game of Spin The Bottle. I’m glad these 30 year olds are playing Spin The Bottle. Tom Schwartz starts the game, and his last kiss as a non-married man was with Tom Sandoval. It makes perfect sense. I’m very happy for them, because they’re very much in love. Peter and Stassi kiss - they dated for a bit, I forgot - and pretty much everyone kisses. It’s very bizarre. Peter and Stassi wind up making out for a bit, and they really are a good looking couple. Please date.

Tom Sandoval pretends that he doesn’t know there isn’t a difference between extensions and weave, even though he has both. He goes outside and smokes a cigarette with Kristen for some reason, and it immediately starts with Kristen berating him and calling him an asshole. He looks so confused, but Kristen’s upset that Tom mentioned to Carter about their past relationship. Kristen literally says "I cheated on you with TONS of guys when we were together. How dare you talk to my new boyfriend about it." Carter, who is literally fetch and thus will never happen, apparently knows all about what a monster Kristen has been. But what really drives Kristen crazy, I think, is that Tom Sandoval got over it. She’ll never get over Tom Sandoval, but he’s over her and has moved past her. She tells him to stop trying to ruin her relationship, when… she spent the entirety of the third season of this show trying to break up Tom and Ariana. Tom Sandoval clearly gives no fucks about Kristen and Carter, and she really, really wants him to.

Over at Villa Rosa, Ken and Lisa lay in their majestic bed, surrounded by dogs. They’re talking about opening a new, “young” restaurant, and bringing in new partners. They discuss Tom Sandoval being brought in as a partner, which is actually incredible. I’m always a fan of these people preparing their post-Vanderpump life.

There’s a kind of gross scene where Tom Schwartz gives Katie a lap dance, and honestly, knowing these two don’t have sex, I can’t imagine why they ever would. Katie makes a joke that she has to pay Tom to have a sex with her - I mean, Tom has admitted that he was a little concerned he was asexual for years, so I can totally see Tom being the one getting off on being withholding. They go back, Tom Sandoval tells the guys about his conversation with Kristen and the girls put temporary tattoos all over a passed out Tom Schwartz’s face.

The next morning, Jax has eye masks on his eyes but claims they’re “chicken cutlets”, because for a metrosexual and virtually hairless man, Jax knows shockingly little about beauty maintenance. Brittany asks him not to post pictures of him in drag on Instagram, but wasn’t Brittany kissing Kristen during Spin The Bottle the night before? Oh, yeah, that’s because her homophobia is arbitrary and it’s okay for girls to kiss each other but god forbid a man dress up in drag as a joke. The gang’s all packing to go home, and Shay is trying to wax poetic about marriage and that it’s hard work. He talks about how it requires listening, and Scheana literally interrupts him to ask for her steamer. The editors know what’s coming. Tom and Katie agree to bottle their shit up, and this is such a bad idea and not an appropriate way to go about this. Katie just wants to focus on her flowers and her dress, and… this is not going to end well.

Next Week: The Sexy Unique Restaurant photoshoot! Scheana feels left out. Stassi is going to the bottom of the barrel for dating - OkCupid, and Katie and Tom ask Lisa to perform their wedding and she’s hesitant, for good reason.

See you next week!

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

Of course Katie is drinking a Four Loko at the opener. I can’t with her ever.

I just want The Toms to live happily ever after.

Kristen is really desperate to make herself relevant on this show.

Stassi’s dad is hot. So is Shay.

Just the worst. Absolutely the worst. ↩︎

Oh, wait, that’s exactly what he did. I love the schadenfreude this show has towards its cast. God bless the editor who found that clip. ↩︎