#one of the few truly neat things about that genre

[scarefox]

Maybe I need Charlie to mate-bite Babe.

[kitten4sannie]

blood pact

pairing: vampire! wooyoung x human! reader (fem)

genre: vampire society au, a lil bit of angst, smut

summary: living in a city overrun by bloodsuckers is already hard enough on its own, but you’re really put to the test when one of them ends up being your only hope in the face of danger.

w.c: 4.3k

warnings: blood/injury, depictions of violence, death(s)? of a few vampires, hard-ish dom (slight tamer)! wooyoung, subby (tiny bit bratty)! reader, these mfs are nasty alr, some light brat taming, one or two little slaps, praise/degradation, pet names/name calling, blood kink obv <3 (includes blood drinking/sharing), kissing, oral (giving), throat fucking, brief breath play, pain kink, mutual masturbation, lotus position but it’s rough !!, creampie

a/n: oh mannn i’m a bit late again 😣 but im excited to share this one with you all !! i wanted to thank my dear lily for beta reading this one for me and giving me lovely feedback that helps me grow as a writer, it truly means the world to me my dear 🩷 once again i do apologize if this fic seems disjointed in any way ,, things have been a bit weird but i won’t let life stop me from sharing nasty smut >:((( lol i hope you enjoy and please lemme know what you thought <33

song rec: dirt - depeche mode (we’re taking it wayyy back with this one <3)

fictober 2024

You were never able to pinpoint exactly when humanity went to shit, as it had always been in a state of constant conflict and disarray, but somewhere along the way, it turned into a raging dumpster fire — one that was close to impossible to put out once it was lit. Unbeknownst to humans, there was a society of vampires that lived in the shadows for centuries, waiting patiently until it was the perfect time to make their existence known and feared. What better time to take over the world than when the humans were too busy being at each other’s throats to even realize they had a common enemy, one that would drain them of their life source within a blink of an eye? 

Anyone with a pulse had no choice but to fall in line and succumb to their undead overlords, having to make up their mind about whether they would like to join forces with the enemy by desecrating their DNA and joining those that single-handedly brought upon humanity’s destruction, or grovel at their feet and become a slave, a house pet of sorts whose soul purpose was to feed and entertain their blood-sucking masters.

It was not an easy choice for most, and especially for you, so you simply found another solution — blend in. If you embodied everything a vampire was, even down to their immeasurable sense of pride and entitlement, how could they tell you apart from the others? And when they saw through your ruse, you would drive a stake through their still heart. You would never join their empire, let alone be one of their toys, especially not for some pompous undead prick that would treat you like a glorified juice box. 

Yet, here you were, drunk off your ass at a gothic nightclub that welcomed vampiric guests and shunned anyone with a beating heart, unless they were owned and branded. 

“Gimme another whiskey, neat,” you slurred, holding your empty shot glass to the poor excuse of a human bartender standing on the other side of the bar. You scoffed at the jeweled collar he wore around his neck, knowing he was owned by whatever undead asshole that ran the nightclub. You had your own collar, of course, but you had taken it from someone that was…no longer in need of it. You did what you had to, to make it through another night in the corrupted world you regretfully called your home. 

“I should cut you off, y’know, especially after being such a dick to me all night,” the man mumbled, despite reaching underneath the bar to grab an almost empty bottle of whiskey and filling your glass back up, not wanting to risk angering his superiors. 

“But, you won’t. Your vampiric asshole of a boss wouldn’t like that you’re denying a paying customer.” You stuck your tongue out at the man, much to his dismay. You sipped on the whiskey, liking the way it burned as it went down your throat, grateful that you could still feel something, even if it was a drunkenness that would most likely do irreversible damage to your liver. It’s not like your life really mattered, not in this timeline, at least. 

You lazily held your glass up in his direction, blowing a few strands of loose hair out of your eyes. The man simply held up the empty bottle and gave you a tight smile. “All out. Now, would you pay your tab?” 

“Fineeee, oh my god,” you groaned dramatically, standing up from the barstool and wobbling a bit, fishing for your wallet somewhere inside your worn trench coat. When you opened it up, you came upon the discovery that it was completely empty, looking up to find fear inside the bartender’s eyes. “L-listen, I can replace that bottle, okay? I-I’ll…just need to stop by the local temp agency first.” 

“I think you should leave, before they catch wind of this…” the bartender warned you under his breath, unconsciously tugging at his collar. 

Swallowing harshly, you glanced around the crowded, dingy club past the collar of your coat, before stumbling your way past many vampire patrons that were drunk off the blood of their human pets who stayed close to them, wishing your blurry surroundings weren’t moving in slow motion. Paranoid that somebody was following you, you looked past your shoulder, only seeing the same crowd of drunken patrons. Temporarily relieved, you swiftly faced forward again, only to accidentally bump into someone face-first, your teeth clinking into the metal of their lip ring, your hands almost getting caught in the many necklaces they were wearing. “I’m so sorry, oh my god, please don’t kill me,” you automatically apologized, already knowing they weren’t human based on the lack of a collar and color in their cheeks. 

“If I wanted to, I would,” Wooyoung teased in his own special way, quite aware of the way your heart rate spiked as soon as his light, airy words reached your ears. He enjoyed playing around with his food as much as the next vampire, but lately, it’s grown quite dull, like everything else in his never-ending life.

“O-oh!” you squeaked, letting out a nervous laugh, sticking one hand into your coat pocket to wrap your fingers around the sharp stake you carried with you everywhere. 

He brought one manicured finger up to tap against the jewel sitting snugly against your collared neck, leaning in to press his lips against the slope of your ear. “I’d take you right here in front of everyone, drink you dry. Let them all enjoy the pretty sounds you’d make. Does that sound fun?” 

“Oh, you can try it, if you want,” you goaded him, looking up at him with your big doe eyes once he pulled back, wondering if he knew just how unhinged you were, just how on the edge you really were. “But, what happens if I’m poisonous? I might not be worth the stomachache.” 

Wooyoung chuckled to himself, not used to any human acting so boldly towards him. “Fair point, human.” 

“Y/N,” you corrected him, letting go of you weapon in favor of wrapping your finger around one of his silver necklaces, teasing him back in your own way. “You should at least know my name if you’re going to drink from me.” 

Wooyoung mused at your actions, studying you with his sly fox eyes, licking at the mole on his lip. He would’ve pursed you if you hadn’t suddenly gotten spooked by something, turning his head to watch you continue making your way out of the club, noticing that the owner quickly followed after you. Things were certainly getting interesting. 

By the time you inhaled the cold night air into your lungs, you had already broke out into a sweat. You let your heavy coat hang off past your shoulders and leaned back against a nearby wall, regretting all the alcohol you had subjected your poor body into taking. “Fuck me…” you groaned, shutting your eyes and leaning your head back into the cool concrete behind you, hoping that would make the world stop spinning. 

“Is that an invitation…?” asked the very vampire you had been talking shit about to the bartender just a few minutes earlier. “It’s the least you could offer me in exchange for all the whiskey you drank in my club, filthy human.” 

Your blood ran cold. “D-don’t you even think about touching me…You aren’t my owner.” 

“Oh, because of this little collar you have on? You really don’t have a clue about our kind, do you? There’s no pheromones on you, just your own filthy human scent,” the vampire chided, running his finger along the worn band of your lace collar. It made your skin crawl. You struggled to keep down all the alcohol you had drowned yourself in. Just then, he ripped it from your neck and replaced it with his slender fingers, squeezing around it until your vision grew just that more blurry. “But, don’t worry, I’ll make up for all the lost time that you haven’t been used like a proper toy.” 

Blinding rage joined the revulsion you felt for the individual that continued to toy with you as though you were a defenseless child, the culmination of it churning around inside your body like molten hot lava ready to pour out of you. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” you barked, shoving your hands into his shoulders as hard as you could, your feverish anger growing that much more when he hardly moved. 

In response, the vampire tugged your coat down and ripped open your top, causing the buttons to fly off. His abhorrent words became nothing more than radio static inside your ringing ears, once you saw red, clutching the wooden stake inside your pocket so tightly that it pierced your fragile skin. You reeled your arm back and drove it straight into the owner’s side, so violently that the wood split into shards, not letting go of it until you knew that it was lodged deeply inside him, wishing, hoping he felt even a fragment of the pain his kind had caused you. “Die,” you muttered, searching his eyes for some sign of shock, regret, grief, anything. 

Confusion overtook your flushed features when the man simply laughed directly in your face, as though he were savoring a joke that you weren’t in on, suddenly feeling a white hot burning pain inside your abdomen. Something was wrong, deeply wrong. You tried to speak, but you couldn’t, not while you were gurgling on your own blood. You looked down to see the hilt of a dagger sticking out of your stomach, reality hitting you like a ton of bricks, rendering it impossible to draw in air. 

“It never ceases to amuse me when a blood bag thinks they can stop someone like me with something as silly as a wooden stake,” he began, letting out a small hum, as he drove his ritual dagger in as far as it could go. He leaned in close to you, twisting the knife around inside you just to hear the delightful sounds of agony that escaped your red tinted lips. “I’ve been alive longer than your entire bloodline, pathetic human, and I’ll be outliving you tonight.” And with that, the club owner ripped the dagger back out and strolled back into the building, licking the crimson that still ran down the sides of his blade. 

You should’ve known this would happen eventually in a world like this. You had no power from the very start. Why had you been blind to the truth until this very moment, when all you could see was your precious blood leaving your body? Regardless, it was far too late to ruminate over trivial things. Death’s gentle whispers were lulling you to sleep, its sweet promises of rest numbing out most of the visceral emotions that coursed through your veins. Slumping against the wall, you held your middle with trembling hands, gazing up at the full moon that loomed over you, wanting to enjoy her beauty one last time — at least, until someone blocked your view. 

“For fuck’s sake, can’t you see I’m dying here? Let me look at the moon in peace…” you murmured, weakly glaring up at the stranger you had met inside that godforsaken club only a couple minutes ago.

“You still got some fire in you, doncha, sweetheart?” Wooyoung mused, crouching down so you were at eye level, reaching out to gently ruffle your hair. “But, you’ll die of blood loss soon…pity.”

“You’re very observant,” you replied snarkily, leaning your head back into the wall, your vision growing darker by the second. You let out a long, defeated sigh, choking a bit on the blood left inside your raw throat. “Are you just here to watch me die? If that’s the case, can you do me a favor and make it quick?” 

“You didn’t seem like the type to give up so easily.” He leaned in close to you, his crimson eyes shining that much brighter when he asked, “Don’t you want revenge?” 

His question echoed inside your mind, once as a whisper, and eventually as a desperate plea. “And what if I do…? It’s not like I can do much now…”

“Let me turn you.” He bared his fangs. “You’ll live, and you’ll be so much stronger than ever before.” He watched as your eyes widened, then returned to normal, figuring you were weighing your options, though they were vastly limited. “You’ll be free to take his life away, do with it as you please, just like he was going to do to you. Doesn’t that sound delicious?” 

A few drops of blood dribbled down the side of your mouth. The sand in your hourglass was about to run out. “What do you get in return?” 

Wooyoung’s lips curled up into a sadistic smile, his eyes resembling glowing crescent moons. “I’ll be your Master, of course. It’s only fair, being your savior, and all.” 

Though that was the very last thing you wanted, you were far too stubborn to die out in such a pathetic fashion. Not only that, but you were being offered the deal of a lifetime, at the end of your lifetime, to be exact, and in exchange for your mortal soul, you could enact sweet, sweet revenge and have a new tale to tell, one that no man or monster could ever take from you. 

“Speak now, or forever hold your peace,” Wooyoung joked slyly, tapping the invisible watch on his wrist. 

“Alright, deal, but make it quick–” you were barely able to enunciate, before Wooyoung was all over you, one hand holding the side of your head, while the other felt where your artery was, immediately sinking his fangs deep into your neck to start the transformation process. 

When you came to, you looked up at your savior, your eyes as red as the blood he had sucked out of you, all of the immense pain that plagued your body gone as quickly as it came, instead replaced by an indescribable thirst. 

“How do you feel, pet?” Wooyoung asked, licking remnants of your life source from his manicured fingers. 

You bared your new, needle sharp fangs to your Master. “Hungry.” 

He smiled at you like a proud father would. “I think I know how we can fix that.” 

-

The last thing the vampiric club owner expected to see when he was sitting inside the comfort of his secluded office was the human woman he had just murdered out of cold blood stomping up to his desk and tossing it out of the way like it wasn’t made of marble. 

“H-hey, we can talk about this, right?” he asked nervously, holding his hands up, along with the stacks of cash that were in between his grubby fingers. “You want money? You can have it!” 

You grabbed him by the collar, yanking him towards you so violently, he just about broke his neck. “I don’t want money. I want your life.” 

When Wooyoung casually strolled into the cush office and pressed his back against the opaque door, the other vampire pleaded at him with his wide eyes. “Wooyoung, baby, this is your favorite club, isn’t it? Haven’t I treated you good here?” 

“Y/N will treat you good too, don’t worry,” he reassures sweetly, dragging his tongue across his pointed teeth. He brought his finger up to his chin like he just remembered something, nodding to himself. “Ahh, she does bite, though.” 

Just as Wooyoung’s cackles rang out inside the vast room, the club owner shifted his frightened gaze to you just in time to see your jaw open wide, gulping at the sheer size of your fangs. And just like that, you bit down onto the vampire’s neck, getting a good grip on his skin, before swiftly turning your head and causing a fountain of blood to rain over you. 

Once you were done feeding, there was hardly anything left of the club owner. Most of him was inside you, and the rest was left splattered across the pedestrian paintings he had up on the walls. Still sitting on the floor near scattered, bloodied hundred dollar bills, you licked up the rest of him from your fingers, your entire body vibrating with pleasure now that your killer was no longer with you, and for other reasons you couldn’t quite explain. Perhaps it had something to do with your new body and your newfound love for excess.

Wooyoung clapped his hands together with giddy delight, giving the top of your head a few pats as a reward. “What a good girl. Do you feel full?” 

Shaking your head, you reached up to Wooyoung’s waistband, undoing the belt buckle and easing his pants down, licking at your red stained lips all the while. The burning, mind-melting desire to consume didn’t leave you, it only multiplied. It clouded your mind, made you feel like you might lose your mind if you didn’t make it stop. “Not enough…my throat…need it filled…” 

“Ahh, I see,” Wooyoung sighed knowingly. This always happened with the humans he turned; they turned into insatiable monsters, always driven by their need for more. He could never get tired of it. Leaning his back against the dripping wall, he reached down to slide his fingers into your soft hair, angling your head upwards, cooing softly at you as he pushed his way into your mouth. “Be careful with your fangs, sweetheart.” 

Relaxing your throat upon the sudden intrusion, you opened your mouth wider, as to not pierce Wooyoung’s cock with your new fangs, feeling content once the entirety of his twitching length fit snugly inside. It was when the vampire thrusted further into your throat that you made a wet gagging sound, tears forming inside your crimson eyes, closing them. 

“Ah, ah,” Wooyoung tutted, giving your cheek a light smack, smiling sweetly down at you when your eyes opened back up. “That’s right, you better look at me with those pretty eyes of yours if you’re going to take me down your throat like this. That’s what a good pet does.” 

Once Wooyoung started to fuck your throat, eager to fill it with his cum, his pale fingers pulling tightly at your hair, you did your best not to choke around him, welcoming him in again, over and over, until saliva and pre-cum dripped down your chin and along your bare chest.

“Mmnh….nnnhmm…” you moaned in approval, reaching up to hold onto his bucking hips, digging your nails into his protruding hip bones. You blinked more tears away, wanting to see Wooyoung’s sadistic face without the constant blurriness that plagued your vision. Whether you had a penchant for punishment or you were simply bloodthirsty, it caused you to prod at the vampire’s cock with your fangs, the tangy flavor of iron joining the abundance of precum that lubed up your throat. 

“Fuck, you’re a naughty girl, biting me like that,” Wooyoung hissed in between violent thrusts, suddenly holding your head still when the entirety of his cock was inside your throat, your nose brushing against his pubic bone, satisfied with the filthy gurgling noises you couldn’t help but make for him, feeling more of your spit drip down his heavy balls. He smacked his hand against your cheek again, watching it grow rosy, before pinching your nose tightly. “But, you can’t help it, huh? You just want to be put in your place. I can’t blame you for that.”

The sensation was suffocating, the feeling of being used added onto the constant buzz of pleasure that was running through your veins; it was nothing like you’ve ever experienced before. It almost made you wish that you had let yourself be turned a long time ago. No one could stop you now, not even him. Maybe your humanity was slipping away from you, much like your sanity with each passing moment. 

It wasn’t until you could breathe again and something warm, heavy, was pressing down on the tip of your tongue that you faded back into reality, just in time for Wooyoung to shoot a seemingly never-ending cumshot down the back of your aching throat.

“You’ll swallow, won’t you?” he asked sweetly, giving the bottom of your chin a light tickle with his clawed fingers. 

When you stuck out your tongue to show him that nothing was left, Wooyoung grabbed you by the chin and yanked you towards him, biting the tip of your tongue to draw blood. You watched him suck it off with half-lidded eyes, having to close your thighs together to keep a fresh wave of slick from dripping out of you. 

Before you knew it, he was on the floor with you, not even needing to pull you into his lap, groaning into your mouth as you climbed into it yourself, the heated kiss you shared consisting mostly of tongue, pointed teeth, and blood. You swapped red-tinted saliva back and forth, your hands working in tandem to tear off each other’s clothes and grope one another wherever you could, trying to create as much friction between your lower halves as you could, Wooyoung’s stiff cock rubbing deliciously into your clothed cunt. 

You broke the kiss when your thirst once again grew too strong to ignore, reaching up to run your index finger over the mole on Wooyoung’s glistening bottom lip, hissing softly when he pierced it with one of his fangs. You both watched the blood slowly trickle down along your skin, sharing a similar look with one another, before you leaned in to lap it up, your tongues meeting in the middle. 

As though telepathically connected, you reached to slip your panties off from underneath your skirt the same time Wooyoung undid the buttons of his pants, immediately rubbing at yourselves in order to get off as quickly as possible. 

“Look at me when you cum,” Wooyoung demanded between huffs of air, staring you down past his wispy lashes, the speed at which he was stroking his cock producing lewd squelching sounds, his slender fingers slicked up with his abundant pre-cum. 

Trembling, you opened up your teary eyes to look at Wooyoung, the indescribable pleasure etched into his face causing you to throb nonstop, curling your fingers up in just the right way to launch you into a world of ecstasy. “C-cumming…” 

Wooyoung groaned at the sight and feeling of your release spilling into his lap, squeezing his hand tightly around the base of his cock, hot spurts of cum landing on your abdomen and dripping down your bare cunt, not even caring that you both dirted his designer jeans with your shared arousal. “I’m gonna make you do that again, on my cock this time, you hear me?” he growled at you, lifting you up like you weighed nothing and dropping you down onto his growing erection. 

“Fuck,” you gasped sharply, holding onto his shoulders to keep your composure, your thighs still shaking from your residual pleasure, a low, burning pain present within your core  as your hole stretched to accommodate the vampire’s size. “T-too much…” 

Wooyoung’s ego just about doubled in that moment, his ringed fingers closing in on your soft waist, suddenly bucking his hips up into you like it was his sole mission to do so in the afterlife. Smiling smugly at the small, broken noises he was punching out of you with his vicious thrusts, he couldn’t help but let out a few crazed giggles. “Can’t take it now that I’m rearranging these pretty guts of yours, huh?” He mirrored your pout, his lower lip jutting out. “But, I thought you were my cum slut, my good little blood whore.” 

“I am…! I–fuck, I am, Master…!” you found yourself crying out, tears inside your hazy eyes, tasting dried blood when you wet your dry lips, knowing you wouldn’t even recognize your reflection if you saw it now. You were a new model, remolded, changed for the better. 

His hypnotic eyes began to glow. “Be a good sleeve and take it for your Master, yeah?”

You did as he said, taking everything he gave you like a pliant doll, letting him lick, bite, drink from you, and fuck you dumb for as long as his still heart desired, wondering if he was even aware of how much your blood boiled inside you. 

Wooyoung was just like the others. They were all the same, treating you like a helpless toy, using you for their enjoyment and tossing you aside when they were bored, viewing your humanity as your downfall, and perhaps they were right. Like two magnets, you couldn’t live without the other, and now, you were a monster like him, one in the same. 

Just as you both reached your climax together, holding desperately onto one another, Wooyoung’s bewitching gaze no longer holding captive, you felt a supreme power rise within yourself. You didn’t need him, not when you were now your own Master. The only thing you served now was your endless hunger. 

Wooyoung couldn’t get you off once you latched onto his neck, gasping and sputtering, his constant struggles only forcing your fangs just that much deeper into his skin and the artery you had targeted, digging his claws into your back as a last ditch effort. “But, we…we made a pact,” he coughed out, his gravelly voice reflecting the immense pain he felt. He couldn’t fight back any longer, simply slumping back against the wall to accept his fate, holding his hand up to his torn neck, despite it not doing anything to prevent the crimson from flowing through his fingers. “I don’t understand…” 

“I recall warning you that I was poisonous,” you replied softly, licking remnants of his precious life source from your stained lips. 

He couldn’t help but smile, his eyes resembling half-moons. “Fair point, human…”

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© kitten4sannie, 2024.

[thydungeongal]

It is known that your favorite edition of D&D is B/X, but setting that one and its Basic ilk aside, what is something in each "mainline" edition that you think makes that one shine bright, something it does great like none of the others? Mainline here meaning the original, both AD&Ds, and the three WotC editions (counting 3rd as one edition).

There's a lot to love about each edition of D&D, yeah!

The original game, or 0D&D as a lot of people call it, is truly a weird little mess of rules that regardless laid the groundwork for a lot of things to come, but I think it should be seen as more than just a weird prototype of better things to come. It is ultimately the predecessor to both Basic and Advanced and while those games are very different in terms of play, looking at 0D&D it's easy to see where both games got their ideas and how they decided to iterate on them. But at the end of the day 0D&D still stands apart from the others in the sense that it was an exciting new frontier of play and as such the game's text is also very open to wild adventures. The game openly promotes the idea of adding robots and aliens into the list of monsters, because why not, there's no clear shape of what D&D as a game and genre even looks like yet, so why not let it be whatever you want? It also has lots of procedures in place for creating extremely cool emergent interactions which no other edition since has done! Like, orcs can be encountered with huge caravans of gold! Sometimes orcs are lead by a dragon or a Balrog or an ogre! It's weird and fun!

AD&D 1e is ultimately an evolution of 0D&D, and in many ways it's like 0D&D + its supplements + a bunch of neat tricks learned on the way. Ultimately what sets AD&D 1e apart from the other editions for me is the absolute wealth of procedures in the DMG for helping the DM create and run a world that feels like a living, breathing place! And there's so much guidance for how to start a campaign with small beginnings and then let it expand in scope!

AD&D 2e is actually my second favorite TSR edition in terms of rules text. There's a lot to be said about AD&D 2e being a clear step away from the original playstyle of the Dungeon Game, and it's most apparent in the way the game got rid of procedures for creating your own dungeons and stocking them with treasures, but the actual rules for playing and running the game are probably the clearest AD&D has ever been. I also feel 2e was the era when the greater shape of D&D as the game we know it as today started to form: while a lot of the stuff that we associate D&D with has been there since the beginning, I feel AD&D 2e is when things finally start to take on their ultimate D&Dness, if that makes sense?

D&D 3e I'm extremely fond of because it was actually my first edition of D&D, but beyond that, taken on its own terms, D&D 3e is unparalleled among the D&Ds in terms of how systemic its rules are. D&D 3e was kind of a mess when it came to the quality of its rules and what sorts of outcomes they produced, but I still love the dang thing because the underlying philosophy is extremely ambitious and cool! AD&D 1e is the edition with procedures to help the DM generate the world; AD&D 2e has lots of really cool rules and procedures that almost make the game run itself; D&D 3e has a physics engine that could make the act of play almost feel like an immersive sim! I understand why very few games have attempted to replicate that systemic design of D&D 3e, but I think there's a lot of cool stuff there.

D&D 4e is the most fun the combat minigame of D&D has ever been and it has unironically the coolest worldbuilding of all editions of D&D. I feel we've talked enough about how D&D 4e is actually extremely cool and for attractive people who like tactical combat, so let's focus on the worldbuilding: D&D 4e mixed up the cosmology of D&D in a way that made it feel like something from mythology instead of a neatly laid out world model. Being a B/X fan I of course love it when the implicit cosmic struggle is one of order versus chaos, and D&D 4e pretty much brought that back! All the major conflicts of D&D 4e's cosmology hinge on the conflict between order and chaos, and it actually adds nuance to what could otherwise be an extremely black and white cosmic struggle. The D&D 4e cosmology is messy and mythic and feels like it works on fantasy logic instead of the weird mystic science that ultimately powers the D&D cosmology of other editions.

And finally, D&D 5e. While I am a vocal 5e hater it has less to do with the game itself and more to do with its suffocating effect on the hobby, because as a game it's got a lot of cool design in places. Concentration is a really elegant fix to the game plan of just stacking all your buffs before combat and then wading in. Advantage/Disadvantage does away with the minutiae of adding together a bunch of different bonuses from various sources and does it in a way that is both mathematically satisfying but also really fun in play! Rolling more dice is fun!!! The way critical hits are handled, via just doubling the number of dice rolled and keeping the modifier the same, is great, because you get the "rolling more dice is fun" factor without the doubling of modifiers that had the potential to cause slowdown in D&D 3e. I like the addition of background as a character creation axis alongside class and species!

[hearts-hunger]

evergreen — part one

Read on AO3 | Masterlist | Cabin Fever Masterlist | Join my taglist here!

Series Summary: Jake takes you on your first vacation to the cabin the gang stays at every year. When memories of past relationships loom heavy, will this vacation send cracks through the foundation of safety and trust you have in each other?

Chapter Summary: Jake picks the worst room possible to share with you.

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Josh x Baby, Sam x Danny | Genre: fluff, angst, emotional h/c | Word Count: 3.5k | Warnings: drinking, sexual innuendo, mentions of infidelity

A/N: Hi it's me again with another Cabin Fever fic :)) I've had this one bouncing around the ol' noodle for a while now, and I'm finally trying my hand at it. It's a direct sequel to Cabin Fever and No Strings Attached, set about a year after No Strings. I don't know how many chapters it's going to have, but I hope you like this first one! ♡

“God, am I glad we decided to drive together. No way the boys would have let us stop for drinks so many times.”

You looked over at your best friend and smiled, cradling the peppermint mocha you’d gotten at the last Starbucks you'd come to before you truly left civilization. She was holding a latte in one hand and steering Josh’s jeep with the other, humming along to the playlist you'd put on.

“You don’t think we could have convinced them?” you asked. “We do have some feminine charm at our disposal.”

She grinned. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. And since Danny’s driving, and he can't say no to either one of us, we probably could have gotten away with it.”

You propped your feet up on the dashboard, enjoying the scenery of the winding road through the woods as she drove. You were headed to the infamous cabin you’d heard so much about, the one they’d vacationed in each fall for the past two years. It would be your first time there — you and Jake had started dating a few months after they went last time, and you were looking forward to being a part of the friendship lore the trip held now that you were a part of the family.

Baby gestured to her bag in the back. “Grab my notebook out of there,” she said. “It’s got a list of things I want us to do this week. Look it over and add stuff that I missed.”

You did as she said, perusing her neat handwriting and seeing things like make breakfast together and have a movie marathon. At the top, with a little smiley face by it, was a neatly penned item reading break the bed.

You laughed. “Ah, I see where your priorities are.”

She glanced over at the list and gave you a smirk. “It’s tradition. Nobody bats an eye about it. I can guarantee you it’s high on Jake’s list too.”

You felt a dull blush creep up your neck at that. It was no secret that you and Jake were intimate, but there was something about this trip that made you a little nervous, perhaps foolishly so. The last time they’d all come, Jake had brought his ex, Izzy, with him. That had been before she cheated on him and he broke up with her, but they’d no doubt broken the bed that trip when everything had seemed fine between them.

“Are you sure it’s okay that I’m coming?” you asked.

She waved you off. “Of course. Don't even ask. You’re in the Kiszka-Wagner clan now, sparrow, and it wouldn't be a family vacation without you.”

You wondered briefly if she’d said the same to Izzy last year. Of course she would have been kind to Jake’s then-girlfriend, but you wished that you'd gotten to be the first girl Jake brought to the cabin.

She looked over at you and smiled. “I’m really glad you’re coming. I would be bored to death if it was just me and the boys.”

“I don't know,” you teased. “Judging by this list, you’d have kept busy.”

She laughed. “Well, maybe. But I want to spend time with you, just as much as I want to spend time with the guys doing whatever they can cook up.”

You smiled, deciding to forget your worry and just enjoy the trip. “Speaking of,” you said, ���we should add that cooking show competition thing to the list.”

“Oh, yeah!” she agreed. “Write that down. We're definitely doing that.”

You penciled it in where you could find space, and the two of you spent the last few minutes of your trip coming up with ideas for things you could do over the week. Songwriting was the most important to the boys; Baby said they usually took a lot of time to work on new songs when they had the time and leisure to play around with them in a low-pressure environment. 

“Lunch has got to be the first thing we do, though,” she said. “I'm starving.”

“Me too,” you said dramatically. “Should I text the guys and ask them to throw a pizza in the oven or something?”

She turned onto a long dirt road. “Maybe we got lucky and they already did,” she said. “Because.... ta-da! We're here!” She pulled into dirt driveway that led up to a big, snug-looking cabin nestled into the trees. Josh and Sam were unpacking Danny’s truck, and you parked next to them.

“Well well well,” Josh teased, giving his girlfriend a quick kiss hello. “Look who finally showed up.”

“Had to get coffee, honey,” she insisted. Josh opened the back of his jeep and started pulling out your bags. “We can do that, though. You guys just unloaded all your stuff.”

“Don't worry about it,” he said sweetly. “Come on inside. Danny's got lunch going.”

“Oh, thank god,” she sighed. She followed Josh as he took her bags inside, and you stood by the jeep, a little shy about walking in by yourself, wondering where Jake was.

Before you could start feeling too lonely, you were swept up in a bear hug from behind. You squeaked in protest as your feet left the ground, giggling when you realized who it was.

“Just me, sparrow,” Jake teased, setting you back down and kissing your cheek. “Not a wild animal, I promise.”

You smiled, feeling much more at ease now that you were with him. “How was I supposed to know? All the way out here in the woods, anything could happen.”

“Nah, I gotcha. No bear attacks for my best girl, if I can help it.” He took your bags from the trunk. “You ready for the grand tour?”

You took his arm when he extended it to you in a very gentlemanly fashion. “Lead the way, Mr. Kiszka.”

He showed you inside the cabin, pointing out the kitchen, the living room, and the back porch.

“Basement’s down there,” he said, walking you past another door on your way to the bedrooms. “We’ll get that set up after lunch so we can work on some music later.”

The cabin was cosy and rustic, the perfect place for a getaway with your best friends and your boyfriend. You hugged his arm as he led you down the hall, and he showed you the bunk room and three other bedrooms, each with a single, big bed.

He ushered you into the last bedroom and started unpacking your bags, putting your clothes neatly in the dresser drawers next to his things.

“You don’t have to do that,” you said, a little guilty. 

“It’s no trouble, sweetheart.” He finished and nudged the drawer closed with his hip. “How do you like our room?”

“It’s lovely,” you said sincerely. The king sized bed was spread with colorful quilts and pillows, and it reminded you a little of the cabin you’d shared when you got together. You scooched close to him. “It’s romantic.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you like it. Anywhere would be romantic with you, but I like it too. I staked my claim on this room last year, mostly because it’s the darkest, and you know how I get about sleeping with any lights on.”

Your heart sank a little, any amorous thoughts dissolving as quickly as they’d come. So this was the room he’d shared with Izzy the last time he was here? You knew it shouldn’t bother you, but you’d be lying if you said it didn't.

“Oh,” you said, not sure what you should say. 

He read your discomfort. “What’s wrong? You don't like it?”

You shook your head and tried for a smile. Obviously it didn’t bother him, and you didn’t want to cause trouble your first five minutes there. 

“No, it’s great,” you said. “I love it. You have very good taste.”

He kissed you. “I know,” he said pleasantly. He took your hand. “Come on. Let’s see what everybody else is doing.”

They were in the kitchen making lunch, chattering on about memories the cabin held for them, and you felt the weight of your discomfort a little more sharply. You didn’t know any of these inside jokes, nor the antics that had gone on here at the cabin; you tried to remind yourself that you’d make plenty of memories with them this week and tried not to let it bother you.

After lunch, you all made your way down to the basement, where you helped get things set up to the boys’ satisfaction. Christmas lights were strung overhead, amps and instruments set up, comfy couches and chairs rearranged.

“Hey, do you think you can teach me some new stuff this week?” you asked, venturing over to where Jake was taking his guitar out of its case. You weren’t the best at guitar, but Jake was always patient with you, and under his kind direction you’d improved more than you’d ever hoped you could.

He smiled. “Sure, honey. I’d like to.” He nodded towards Sam and Danny. “I think your boys are trying to rope us into a hike right now, though.”

“We just got here,” you said, amused.

“You know Sammy,” Jake said. “Always looking for some adventure to get into.”

You went to talk to “your boys” and found that Sam was, indeed, planning a trek into the woods. Danny seemed perfectly willing to go along with his boyfriend’s scheme, as he generally always was, but told you that there was no pressure to join them.

“Aw, you don't want to miss it, sparrow,” Sam protested. “You have to see the waterfall.”

You’d heard of this enigmatic, hidden waterfall, and your curiosity was piqued. 

“Fine, but somebody’s making me apple cider when we get back,” you said.

Sam gave Danny’s shoulder an affectionate slap. “Dan’s got that covered. Don't you, babe?”

Danny rolled his eyes and smiled. “Yes, I’ll make sure sparrow has a festive little drink as a reward for putting up with you.”

“Good man,” Sam said cheerfully.

Baby and the twins were cajoled into coming with you as well, and you set out into the chilly woods together to find the waterfall. You huddled into a flannel jacket you’d stolen from Jake forever ago, enjoying the crisp autumn weather and the company.

Jake, Josh, and Baby were leading your group; you hung with Sam and Danny a few paces back, thankful for Danny’s steadying hand when you came to overgrown parts on the trail.

“Did you guys pick a room yet?” Danny asked, holding your hand as you stepped over a fallen tree trunk. “Sam was too excited to get outside for us to decide on one, but I guess we’ll just go with the same one we had last year.”

You gave him a rueful smile. “Well, Jake picked ours. Care to guess which one?”

“Probably the last one on the right,” he said, frowning a little. “He picked that one last time, but... oh, I see what the trouble is there.”

Sam found a sturdy walking stick in the brush. “Jake can be kind of an idiot sometimes.”

“Yeah,” you said, a little more bitterly than you’d intended. “Not the smartest choice, I thought, but hey.”

“Just tell him,” Sam suggested. “He’s not that much of an idiot that he’d make you stay there once he knew why you didn't want to.”

“Oh, I don't know,” you said, hesitant. “I don’t want to be annoying. It’s just a bedroom, after all.”

“Yeah, with a big, comfy bed he’s shared with someone else.”

Danny elbowed him. “Not helping, love.”

Sam looked a little abashed, then, but his easy, incorrigible smile won out.

“Sorry, Sparrow. I'm kind of an idiot sometimes too. But I do think you should just tell him.”

“You can have mine and Sammy’s room,” Danny offered.

“And I can guarantee that Jake hasn’t slept with either of us in there,” Sam added. You laughed, and Danny shook his head. 

“Samuel Francis,” he said, chiding and affectionate. “You’re terrible at this sort of thing, you know?”

He shrugged, a lazy grin spreading over his face. “Got a laugh out of her, anyway.” He slung his arm over your shoulders. “Don’t fret, my pet. Once you get this bedroom thing sorted out, this week’s gonna be great. Not least because...” He pointed ahead of you with his walking stick. “We’re almost at your waterfall.”

The six of you came through the trees to a beautiful swimming hole and the accompanying waterfall, and you had to admit it was very nice. Jake was looking for skipping stones along the water's edge, and you joined him.

“Hiya, sweetheart,” he said. “Did you have a good time with Sam and Danny?”

“Yeah,” you said truthfully, thankful for their kind advice and help. You handed him a perfectly flat stone to add to his collection. “How’s this one?”

“This one,” he said, holding it up to inspect it, “is a winner. C’mere.”

You did, following him to the bank, and watched him skip your stone an impressive five times across the water. 

“Here, you try,” he said, handing you a few. 

“I’m not very good at it,” you said hesitantly.

He grinned. “Sweet!” At your confused look, he softened and pulled you snug against him, your back to his chest. “Gives me an excuse to get real close and teach you how it's done. I didn’t know how I was going to convince you to let me teach you if you were good at it.”

You smiled and snuggled close to him. “Don’t worry. I would have pretended not to know.”

Giving you some pointers, he stretched your arm out and showed you how to move your wrist just so. He did it with you a few times, sneaking kisses here and there, and you probably would have been more successful if you hadn't been so distracted by his warmth and affection.

“Okay, you try,” he said, letting you go.

“No, one more,” you said, wanting him close.

He chuckled. “How about some incentive? I'll give you a kiss for every skip.”

That was motivation enough, but you tossed the next stone with such vigor that it skated straight under the water without so much as one skip.

“Aw, super,” you said. You looked to Jake. “Can that count?”

He kissed your nose. “Half a point. Try again.”

You did, several times, and earned kisses for each paltry one- and two-skip attempt. Then, finally, your stoke skipped four times.

“Ha!” you said, exultant. “There. Four kisses, please.”

He smiled and obliged you, giving you an extra for a job well done. 

“See?” he said. “You’re pretty good after all.”

“And now you've Pavloved me into expecting kisses every time,” you teased. “That won’t ever get boring.”

He hummed and gently butted his head against yours. “You’re right. It won’t.”

Warm with his affectionate attention, you felt brave enough to bring up the bedroom situation, sure he would understand.

“Can I talk to you about something?” you asked.

“Always, sparrow,” he said gently. “What’s up?”

“Well... I was just wondering if we could switch rooms.”

His brow crinkled. “I mean, sure, if you want. Any reason in particular?”

You bit the inside of your cheek.

“Because, well...” You couldn't make yourself say it, wishing he’d just realize what it was instead of you having to spell it out. You didn't want to make him feel bad, and you definitely didn't want to be the one to drag the memory of his ex into your vacation. “I just want to. I think a little variety would be good for you.”

He gave you a bemused smile. “Okay, honey. Suits me.”

You hugged him, needing him close, and he hugged you back with a tight squeeze.

“I sure do love you, sparrow,” he said with a happy groan. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” you said contentedly. “For both things.”

When the sun started to sink and the air got colder, you made your way back to the cabin and started getting the bonfire going. Sam and Jake got the grill on, serving up a round of hamburgers and Sam’s very artfully crafted veggie sliders, and Josh made drinks while you and Baby helped Danny with the fire. Helped was a bit of a strong word, actually, given that Danny did most of the work, but he was grateful for your efforts all the same.

By the time the sun had set, the six of you were well on your way to being drunk. Josh was nothing if not a craftsman of strong drinks, and you all hung around the fire, tossing the football around and lounging in your camping chairs, talking and laughing and intermittently breaking out into song. The playlist you and Baby had curated was expertly tailored to the musical taste you shared with the boys, and none of them could resist a good tune.

“Listen to his tone on that,” Jake said to you, his accent slipping into tellingly British territory. He gestured with his cup, sloshing a bit over the rim. “I woke up and pressed my lips to a cup full of comfort, wrapped in the bliss of a golden shroud,” he sang, his voice raspy and warm. “God, that guitar sounds so cool.”

You smiled up at him, pleasantly buzzed and dreamy. “Not as cool as yours, honey.”

He grinned and gave you a kiss. “I like you. I think I’ll keep you.”

“Suits me, Jakey.” You draped your arm over his shoulder and let him sway you to the music. Your breaths came in silverly clouds, and you were thankful for his warmth in the chilly night. 

He nuzzled against your jaw, breathing you in, humming along to the tune. “You smell good, sparrow.”

You giggled when his hair brushed against your neck. “Thanks. It’s just soap.”

“It’s you,” he said. “Sunshine and fresh air.”

“Well, I have been out in the sun and the woods all day,” you reasoned.

He kissed a loved mark against your neck, and you lost yourself in his touch. 

“I have a theory,” he said after a moment.

You hummed. “What’s that?”

“You let me make love to you,” he said, “and I’ll make you the best love you ever had.”

You laughed. “That’s not a theory,” you protested. “That’s... a bargain, maybe, but not a theory.”

“Whatever,” he said. He pulled you close. “Bargain, theory, call it what you want. What say you, lassie?”

“Oh, there’s my pirate Jake,” you said, coy and affectionate. “I missed him.”

“He’s all yours, sparrow. Just say the word.”

You looked around the bonfire and saw Sam and Danny playing a card game, both of them laughing far more than any card game could make a person laugh sober. Josh and Baby were entangled in Josh’s camping chair, looking like they might very soon cross out that thing at the top of her list of things to do this week.

You had a mind to cross it off too, and as you’d been promised, Jake was more than amenable.

“Very well, Dread Pirate Kiszka,” you said, swaggering and posh. “As you wish.”

He grinned, wasting no time finishing off his drink and taking you inside. You were giggly and clumsy as you made your way through the dimly lit cabin, and you weren’t paying attention to where he was taking you until you passed the bathroom.

“Hold on,” you said, disentangling yourself from him. “Two seconds. Be right back.”

Going to find him after, you realized with a pang of chagrin that he was in the room he’d said you could move from. What’s more, he was absolutely dead to the world, spreadeagle on the bed with his shoes still on. You would have found it sweet and amusing — apparently even the promise of drunk pirate sex wasn’t enough to combat an unremembered number of tequila sodas — if you hadn't been so unhappy about where he’d fallen asleep.

You swallowed your feelings and gently took his shoes off, setting them neatly against the wall. Surely you could handle one night in this room; you wouldn't dream of bothering Jake by insisting he get up and move when he was already sleeping, not when the reason would be something as silly as your emotions. Getting undressed yourself, you got into bed next to him, trying very hard not to think of another girl who'd done the same thing in this very bed.

He roused just enough to move close to you, draping an arm over you.

“My love,” he mumbled, soft and sweet.

For some reason, you felt like crying. Couldn't he have called you his nickname for you, one you knew had never been used for another?

“I’m here, Jake,” you said softly. You pressed close to him, hiding your face against his shoulder, wishing you could forget every reason not to relax against him completely. Feeling the sting of tears that you knew you wouldn't be able to stop but would try to keep quiet, you weren't sure how successful you would be.

taglist: @viagvf @allieisacrybaby @itsafullmoon @spark-my-nature @anthemheatwave @xserenax-13 @musicspeaks @mountain-in-springtime

and some cabin fever besties who were excited for this one :) @shutupdevvie @gold-mines-melting @earthlysorrows @brooke-gvf

join my taglist here!

[vyl3tpwny]

Music Genres

When I was kid, you would have probably heard me say something like “I don’t believe in genre labels”. To a degree, there is still something about that sentiment that I agree with; I don’t think you can really put music and styles of music in neat little boxes. But otherwise, I was pretty much wrong about everything else.

Let’s go over that.

pictured: Mala, one of the godfathers of roots Dubstep

—

To be blunt, “genre” isn’t just about approximating what a song sounds like. If you say “I love pop music”, that honestly doesn’t mean much. The more specific you get, the more you will approach something someone can imagine like “I like experimental progressive noise pop music”. Ok, I can start to imagine things that likely approach what you're talking about, but even then it will usually not help someone fully understand what something truly is. In categorizing and approximating music styles, genres only go so far. So what makes them important then?

Well, not to say that approximating a style when describing an artist to someone is a bad thing or that doing so isn’t meant to be valued, but it’s hardly the only reason these labels exist. Importantly, “genre” helps establish culture, history, and a musical identity. So when you're trying to tell someone you're listening to a "progressive rock” project, you’re not just imagining odd time-signatures and complex riffs, you’re also meant to understand and consider that whatever is being described as to you has some sort of relevance or importance with regards to the history behind progressive rock; the culture of college bands in the UK, the sound that the punk movement revolted against, the progression of musical storytelling in rock music since the late 60’s and early 70’s, stuff like that. There’s a distinct culture and history you can pinpoint and understand when you describe something as being progressive rock and you can’t just go around calling any complex electric guitar oriented music "progressive rock" unless it has those specific ties as well as understanding and iteration of the roots.

pictured: Genesis, because progressive rock mention

—

Genre labels help to clarify what kind of culture and histories a music project is being associated itself with and where a lot of its inspiration comes from. This is much more compelling reason for underlining the importance of genre labels and why they should be used correctly.

So, there is something I need to get off my chest then. There are a lot of misuses of genre labels all over the place, especially online. And I’m not talking about saying something is “Alternative Rock” when it’s clearly some kind of “Folk Rock” record instead. What I’m talking about is something like “Dubstep”.

Even as recent as a few years ago, I started personally reclaiming the term “Dubstep” as a genre label to describe any bass-adjacent music. At the time I did this, I thought it was cool, because the term Dubstep had been dubbed (pun intended) to be cringeworthy lexicon to some people. And while I feel that’s a noble reason to reclaim something like that, because some weirdos think it's cringe, in this case I actually think it’s wrong.

The term “Brostep” has been used to describe any non-roots bass-oriented music that originates from the proper roots Dubstep. It’s a term I didn’t like FOREVER, especially because the phrase was derived as a generalization of the kind of people who tend to listen to it. However, I actually think that Brostep is a title that people should be more comfortable and confident with labeling things as.

The original Dubstep came as a result of Jamaican immigrants bringing Dub music to the UK, which then fused with the remnants of 2-Step Garage which was prominent in the 90’s just years prior. Timbah.On.Toast made a great video called All My Homies Hate Skrillex and it is a really good breakdown of what separates roots Dubstep from the Americanized Brostep, which came after it. I think everyone knows by now that I have a deep, deep love for EDM based Broste and I am the biggest Skrillex fangirl alive. So being both a Brostep and Skrillex superfan, please understand that I think the video is one of the most important things you can watch as an EDM enjoyer.

Conflating the term Dubstep with things that aren’t actually Dubstep is honestly a slap in the face to all of the pioneers of Dub and Dubstep, which famously were both pretty much ENTIRELY invented by black people. I think it’s fair to say that incorrectly labeling music in this way has racist implications. It dishonours and twists the legacy of the music. You can find og Dubstep to listen to on the RYM Ultimate Box Set > Dubstep page. Check some of that out, then listen to some 2010, 2011 Skrillex and see how different things really went.

It confused me at first when I was a teenager, I didn't understand why so many people hated Skrillex back in the day. I came to realize so much of the hate wasn’t even really with regards music itself, but the total lack of understanding or care for the roots of the genre, which all of his work was founded upon and he then subsequently bastardized without caring at all. It was pure disrespect, it was practically cultural erasure and so many people will now only know of Dubstep as “that Skrillex transformer screech music”. Yeah. It actually fucking sucks.

But there is a LONG history of black music being erased from history and being undermined, whether entirely intentional or due to systemic unawareness.

I saw a post the other day talking about how it sucks that so much music is just lumped into being “video game music” when so much of this stuff has deep roots and cultural significance. The first example pointed how a lot of acid jazz music is just described as “Persona music” by the layperson now. Meanwhile, Acid Jazz as a genre is a huge development on things like roots jazz, disco, funk, and hip hop music. You know. All genres that were invented by black people. Fascinating, right?

Jungle music was also mentioned. And this one is very particular for me. Jungle music, when not being generalized as "PS1 Music", is often just called drum & bass or breakcore (also please Google the difference between breakbeat and breakcore, thanks) which are all fundamentally misunderstanding what Jungle music even is. Much of Jungle music, AS MANY THINGS DO, finds VERY prominent roots in Reggae, Dub, and sound system culture in Jamaica as well as countless other prominently black communities in the UK.

But it doesn’t stop there.

If you’re unfamiliar, there is a genre called “IDM”, otherwise known as Intelligent Dance Music. When I was a kid, and I first heard that word, I immediately was like “that is the most pretentious, stupid thing I’ve ever heard”. Eventually as I grew up, I just stopped thinking about that and started referring to more music as IDM. This style of music is generally characterized with “complexity” and being “not much danceable”. While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the music that is called IDM, I do think there’s everything wrong with the term IDM, intelligent dance music.

When asked how he feels about being labeled as an IDM artist, Aphex Twin responded:

"I just think it's really funny to have terms like that. It's [basically] saying 'this is intelligent and everything else is STUPID.' It's really nasty to everyone else's music."

pictured: Aphex Twin, the funnyman himself

—

I think most people would agree with this sentiment. It’s so strange to call one kind of music “intelligent”, out of the hundreds of thousands of genres out there. But let’s bring this back to Jungle music. The reality is that IDM started to become a term around the same time that Jungle music became prominent, in the 90's. Both styles of music are complex, introspective, skittery, and chaotic (but refined and often disciplined) genres. Except, of these two, Jungle music was the one pioneered primarily by black artists. IDM was a sort in competition with Jungle. To therefore call IDM “intelligent” in comparison to Jungle music ... well. I don’t feel like I really have to explain why that’s fucked up.

A lot of people have proposed different names for IDM. A quick look on reddit yields things like “Experimental Electronic” and “Brain Dance” (which was coined by Aphex Twin's label). Me personally, the term “Electro-Prog” comes to mind. Sounds cool.

Similar conversations are presently being had about the term “Riddim”. This brings us back to the dubstep side of this discussion again. Riddim, as an EDM genre, is an offshoot of Brostep music that focuses a lot on repetition over the downbeat, maintaining an insanely distorted sound design, a lot more than the average Brostep song. However, the term “riddim” originates — yet again — from the Jamaican Patois for “rhythm”. And Riddim as a musical style in Jamaica is actually more associated with things like dancehall and reggae, rather than the commercialized "Riddim" that is several hundred times removed from its own roots.

Last year, musician INFEKT proposed that what most EDM listeners call “riddim” should be referred to instead as “Trench” in an article on their website. This proposed name is derived from Getter’s use of the term on his 2014 record “Trenchlords Vol. 1”. I don’t personally know how much I resonate with the term, but whatever the consensus is, I don’t think we should be conflating a westernized, commercialized, and EDM-centric genre like this to Jamaican roots music. Over and over again, it seems that black music is constantly overwritten by developments like this, so I think more care needs to be taken in not allowing that to happen.

As a side note, a lot of people online seem very keen on appropriating Jamaican Patois quite often? There are so many examples of this. When the term “Bomboclaat” started making the rounds on Twitter a few years ago, so many white people were quick to either talk wildly about the term and trend or otherwise start saying it as well. There was a fucking article that sought to answer “The Bomboclaat >> Meme << Meaning Explained”, like they’re not dissecting an element of Jamaican slang lol. Then there was a period of time where people were constantly saying things like “On Jah?” as a stand-in for “On God?” even though this, again, is Jamaican Patois. And even now, you have tons and tons of non-black people going everywhere being like “what is blud waffling about?”, the phrase “blud” ONCE AGAIN also being Jamaican in origin.

I shouldn’t even have to explain what makes these kinds of appropriations weird and messed up. But black people lose jobs and are denied basic things in life over their hair styles, their expressions and slang, and so many other things that a white person can just appropriate and face zero consequences whatsoever for.

That aside, aside. Understanding and labeling genres correctly is such a big part of music history and highlighting and preserving cultures worldwide. When efforts are made to undermine the meaning of a genre label or otherwise use it incorrectly, so much damage is done to the communities and people groups that innovate and pioneer this art to begin with.

For these reasons, I will gladly use the term Brostep. I will happily call things Electro-Prog. And when you talk about genres like Jungle and Dubstep, say it with your whole chest. Be proud of the human race, show respect and love for the people who have forged the greatest parts of music with their bare hands. We will always stand on the shoulders of giants as musicians, so instead of pretending you yourself are the giant, build monuments and maintain the history of these people. You as an artist are nothing without them.

pictured: Augustus Pablo, one of the most important innovators of Dub. Without him, and without many of his contemporaries, I would reckon that half or more of all modern music would simply not exist.

CONTENT WARNING FOR THIS FINAL SECTION, THERE ARE LIKE LOTS OF STRANGE SLURS AND RACIST VIBES.

—

One last thing I wanna mention, this is slightly tangential but I think it's relevant to this conversation. It's always weird how lots of websites categorize things like this:

From Big Fish Audio... "G**sy*? "World/Ethnic Loops & Samples"? What the fuck are you talking about. Seems like racism to me.

On Loopmasters they have a "World" section. Any Americanized genre gets its own category, but the entire continents of Africa and Asia as well as the country of India and region of the Middle East (which are part of Asia, hope this helps btw) and lastly South America are stuffed into the nebulous "World Label". Seems like racism to me. Are you telling me you weirdos can't figure out a better way to represent these things?

But then Psy Trance gets its whole entire own category? Aren't there only like five people who listen to Psy Trance? /hj . But like come on.

Shoutout to WA Productions for categorizing a universe of suspiciously mostly black music as """Urban"""". And this company is a dime a dozen, hundreds of corpos do this shit.

East fucking West, what is this dude. There is a racism happening, I just know it. Please give me a count of how many poc are on payroll at your company, I am so curious.

And while we're at it, East West, what is this. Tell me. Fucking tell me.

Thanks for reading.

[zzthekaiju]

Best of the Reptiles in Media - 01 - Godzilla (Monsterverse)

I figure that while I'm using this blog, I might as well post my ramblings on a subject dear to my heart: That being the representation of reptiles as characters in media. And not just villainous or vile ones like we're so used to. I'm talking about ones that inspire me. The ones that are legitimately compelling to me. And these posts are an excuse to espouse why.

Plus, it's just fun. You can thank the likes of @tyrantisterror and @bogleech for inspiring me to do these.

So who better to start with than with the lizard who's been an inspiration to me for almost my entire life. That being the one known as Gojira. AKA...Godzilla.

This is the one character in these posts who probably needs no introduction. Ever since his debut in 1954, the walking embodiment of the horrors of nuclear war, among other things, has been nothing less than an icon. This is the beast people think about when they hear "giant monster" or "kaiju". This is truly the King of the Monsters.

My introduction to Godzilla was a children's book called "Godzilla on Monster Island". It was a fun read full of neat monsters living together and teaming up to stop an evil plan. And it left me wanting more. I wanted more stories of these fantastic yet friendly beasts being friends and living together while having fun adventures. Little me was a bit disappointed to find that Godzilla spent more time fighting his fellow kaiju and trashing cities instead.

The truth, as I would find out, was that Godzilla is never just one thing. He is a fun defender of the Earth. He's the terrifying consequences of our tampering with both nature and science. And in recent memory, he's been a lot of other things. But most of the time, he's either hero or mankind's hubris on two legs. To me, he was a giant dinosaur that could fire thermonuclear breath, and that was all that mattered. It was after hearing about the historical significance of him that my respect doubled.

Back then, I would tell you that my favorite Godzilla from a design standpoint was the 2002 version. Personality wise, almost every Showa appearance post-1964.

But in 2014, everything changed. In came a Goji that seemed to have everything I could ask for. So, we're going to look at the one that resonates with me the most. The Monsterverse version.

That right there is perhaps one of the most awe-inspiring entrances I've ever seen in a cinema.

Before the release of Godzilla (2014), the franchise had entered something of a slump period. The last film was all the way back in 2004, and sadly, the kaiju genre was still something of a niche thing growing up. Here in America, you either liked superheroes or real-life celebrities as a kid. If you liked monsters, let alone giant monsters, you were one of the weird kids. That, or one of the kids who never lost their passion for dinosaurs. But those were rare.

Then Gareth Edwards unleashed this film, and while one could argue that Pacific Rim (2013) got the ball rolling, THIS ultimately resurrected the entire franchise of the Big G, and got him a degree of general respect from most film-goers (so long as you ignore the irritating internet drama regarding screen-time back then).

But let's get to the meat of this post. Why is this Godzilla so much better to me than the rest? A few things, really.

First off, there's Godzilla's role in the Monsterverse's narrative. For the most part, he is a guardian of the natural order, a means of bringing balance to imbalance. He is a metaphor for how nature is capable of righting itself, and how we either have to deal with it, or live with the consequences. In practice, Godzilla ends up going up against almost every monster, most of which are only a threat because we awakened them/created them. Yet despite this, he doesn't go out of his way to destroy us. He's not mindlessly destructive or particularly vengeful either. He knows we're a part of the world too. We just tend to grate a bit more on his nerves because of how much we screw up. If there's one thing this series isn't afraid to show, it's that...well, "the arrogance of man is thinking nature is within our control, and not the other way around."

Design-wise, this is one of the best Godzilla's around. He's bulky, has a killer stare, and there's something oddly endearing about how...well, meaty he is. He's like if my aforementioned previous favorite design, the 2002 one, put on both a lot of muscle and weight. It also ties into his fighting style, said to have been inspired particularly by bears. Even the sounds associated with him are amazing. From that hype-inducing charge of his thermonuclear breath to what might be the best rendition of the classic roar.

Then there is the body language. This Godzilla's usual gait is slow, almost plodding at times. He shows clear signs of exhaustion in some scenes. What he goes through is hard, and his job is even harder, but he still does it. It really helps sell his personality most of the time.

Part of why I like the Monsterverse so much is that, for the most part, the kaiju are treated as characters in their own right (that's not to say they weren't in previous iterations, far from it, but it's a bit more pronounced here than most of the post-Showa stuff). Sure, some films in this verse are better about it than others (more on that later...), but I like how you can glean what Godzilla is thinking of just by looking at his eyes. Of particular note is how they widen in "Godzilla: King of the Monsters" when Ghidorah gains the upper hand during the final battle, his absolute sneer of anger in the first movie when the male MUTO approaches him, or...this.

This scene. This one right here encapsulates so much of what I love about this iteration. Where Godzilla, dazed and thoroughly battered by both the fight with the MUTOS and having a building fall right on him, locks eyes with a tiny little soldier. You see a sense of tiredness, of pain, of acknowledgement, and maybe even a little wonder. This is not just some mindless beast fighting for its turf. It's a thinking being. And he's hurt. The most powerful creature on the planet isn't invincible, neither on the outside and definitely not on the inside.

And you know what? I've been there. There are times where I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world, that there are things too heavy to bear, and its suffocating. Godzilla constantly shows throughout the Monsterverse that his job as a living balancing act is wearing on him. He gets put through so. Much. Crap. From getting buildings dropped on him to being personally dropped from a distance above the clouds to watching his symbiotic partner/mate die, it's almost unfair how we're expected to not really sympathize with him as much as...I'll get to that later.

But he never gives up. Despite all the pain and fatigue, he gets back up, and he fights. And he fights. And he continues until the deed is done. Someone has to rise to the occasion, and it might as well be him. If not him, then who?

That is the biggest reason I resonate with this Godzilla. His awe-inspiring design is one thing, but he gave me the strength to persevere. I don't give up, because he never did. Never before had the Big G been such a hero to me. Such that in 2014 I found myself silently sobbing to myself when it seemed like he was dead near the end even though that was clearly not the case. It's hardly a surprise that I based my personal Godzilla AU on him, albeit with the more sympathetic traits dialed up. Stuff like this made G14 and KOTM some of my favorite kaiju flicks...

...which made it more than a little disappointing when Wingard took the helm and basically said "screw that, this is about the monke now!" Yeah, GvK is the weakest entry in the series for me for a reason. Godzilla's more redeeming qualities are buried under a narrative that clearly is not interested in giving him the time of day or even the benefit of a doubt. Both it and it's successor, GxK, are Kong movies through and through, and that means poor Big G is put out of focus.

I cannot tell you how much I HATE this idea that the only way a monster can be relatable is if it either looks almost just like us or is really cute. Yes, I understand the universal appeal, but they had such a good thing going for Godzilla! And they throw almost all of it away just so that they can make Kong look better by comparison.

Credit where it's due, these issues are slightly improved in GxK. It's not only firmly established that Godzilla is an overall benefit to the world for keeping the other Titans in check, but we get some interesting bits with him like how he instantly responds and prepares to answer the call of the Iwi and help them. It shows that despite his tenuous relationship with humans, there are ones he clearly gives a lot of thought to. And there's also how he makes the Roman Coliseum his own personal bed. Not only is it kind of hilariously adorable, but if you remember how in KOTM he had his own man-made temple, you get the impression that he has a bit of homesickness. That's the kind of thing I like to see! More of that and less "he's only ever angry and he only ever fights, character is for primates only".

Also, while the Evolved design has nice details, I WANT THAT GUT BACK! it just looks weird otherwise with that disproportionately skinny waist.

But thankfully, our prayers might be answered:

With GxK's roaring success (ha!), it's more than likely that the next Monsterverse entry will finally give Godzilla an overdue character arc that doesn't begin and end with "destroy everyone and act big and scary and nothing else". Just please make sure that he doesn't have to die to get that. There are plenty of ways you can make us invest in the guy's story without having to kill him. I WANT to see more of that emotional vulnerability teased across the movies. I want to see him come to terms with how he's been going about his job. And more importantly...I want to see a more explicit Mothzilla scene. A nuzzle and everything. But that's just me.

Whatever the quality of his current status, nothing is taking away how much I love this version of Godzilla. He's taken me out of some very dark places, and for that, I say long live the king.

Also, he brought Mothzilla into the public sphere and every Mothzilla pic made since is the cutest thing ever, so I just love him even more.

[daichiduskdrop]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚⋆·˚ ༘ *𝙎𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙡 ⋆·˚ ༘ *ੈ✩‧₊˚

Chapter 27

Pairing: BTS Ot7 X fem! reader

Genre: A/B/O AU, Fluff, Angst, Strangers to lovers,

Warnings: slight implications of unhealthy eating habits

Words: 3352

Taglist:@thelilbutifulthings @ilovemoneymorethenmen @singukieee @cherrysainttt @felicityroth @mageprincess7 @lucis-noctiana @danielle143 @osakis-gf @girl-nahh @vintageoldfashion @neverthefirstchoice @juju-227592 @silentreadersthings @i-have-no-life-charlie @everyonehatesshani @iamkookiesforyou @dragons-flare @fangirl125reader @roseidol @frieschan @popcatx0 @liz67900 @exfolitae

Previous:

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Holding you close to his chest, Namjoon let his lips brush up against your neck, only a small bit away from your scent gland. You let him take care of you, the alpha gentle with you in his arms.

It didn't take much longer before a knock sounded, making most of you look up. With the packalpha's arms holding you even closer, gently moving your face into the crook of his neck.

Inside came a soft call from a woman's voice about having some of the ordered meals already delivered. Yoongi, who sat closest to the doors, went over, murmuring thanks, before he took the two paper bags of delivery.

It wasn't everything by no means, but a part of their meal had arrived, so he placed it on the coffee table. Taehyung and Jungkook were the quickest to look over what was inside.

Taking one bag each, they both started pulling out the things inside, with a box of four corndogs first to be opened. They looked quite appetizing, with a bit of ketchup and sugar sprinkled on each one.

„Oh wah...” Jin mumbled, taking one right away before the youngest even got around to it. „Hyung! Bunbun gets the first one! Sweetie, choose which one looks the best, baby."

Jungkook whined softly, frowning at the eldest. Chuckling nervously, the alpha placed the corn dog back in the packaging, letting the young alpha show you the small paper box.

„It's ok-okay, thank you, Oppa." You said softly, your hands tightening onto Namjoon's, the packalpha returned the gesture right away.

Letting your head rest up against his collarbone again, Jungkook sighed softly, placing the package down, his hands wrapping gently around your cheeks.

Turning your face towards him, the alpha's face was filled with concern. He didn't feel right having you not eat while they did. The youngest understood that it most likely wasn't just you not being truly hungry either.

You had been eating so well the whole time, and he was worried about what triggered this. Have you been just feeling too anxious in the building? There were many people you didn't know around, was that it?

Kissing your forehead gently, he smiled softly at you. „It's okay, my little bunny. Don't worry, baby, okay? He whispered softly, letting his fingers gently caress your cheeks.

„How about onigiri kitty? Look what alpha ordered for you, sweet kitten." Handing you a plastic package already opened for you, the second eldest smiled softly at you, his eyes gentle on your form.

Reaching out for the small box, he placed it in your palms—the nicely stacked up rice triangles with neat rows of sushi - there was cooked shrimp, squid and octopus, salmon rue, a shrimp roll, and avocado, eel, and crab hosomaki too.

When they noticed the way your home cuisine sparked a bit of interest in you, Hobi was quick to reach for a pair of chopsticks laying around, breaking them apart for you before he handed them to you.

„Here, sunshine, have a taste, bub.” He smiled softly at you, ruffling up your hair before he quickly tamed it back down, chuckling gently.

Hovering over the takeout for a second, you chose to eat a few of the sushi rolls first, chewing on the crab one first; the colour was intriguing.

Breathing out softly, Namjoon let his lips linger on top of your head for a few good seconds, gently running his hands up and down your arms.

„Thank you, pup.” He whispered softly, watching you fondly while you ate a little bit from the takeout. The packmembers felt their hearts calm down a little bit, and they themselves dug in—another two bags arriving in the mean time.

„Here, princess, take a bite for alpha... It's really tasty, isn't it? You like it, baby? Have some more, my precious little thing."

Jimin gently urged you on, placing the box full of chicken marinated in some sauce and udon noodles hidden underneath, sprinkled with sesame seeds on top of your lap.

He didn't give you the chopstics, picking up a small bite-sized piece himself before he gently moved it to you with a hand underneath, making sure you wouldn't get dirty.

Smiling widely at you and chewing with a satisfied face, the alpha was quick to feed you a bunch of the udon noodles, but when you gently placed the box back in his hands, he only smiled gently.

„Peaches, sweetie, taste this; it's really nice, hm? It's soft and chewy; you'll like it, alpha promises.” Letting you bite into the large, filed-up dumpling, you nodded a little, satisfied with the taste.

You couldn't really tell what the filling was, but there was definitely a bit of beef. It was tasty, but after you chewed everything up, you didn't feel like eating much more.

Sipping on the pink drink you received not long ago, you all enjoyed the lunch together, everyone munching on something.

Declining the offered bites of pizza, noodles, and cucumber salad, you rested back up against Namjoon, the packalpha pulling you to himself gently.

With your stomach feeling full, you felt cosy enough to let your eyes flutter shut. Noticing your tired and sleepy eyes, he left his scent cloud over with calming pheromones, one of the attributes brought in by being an alpha.

His pack members noticed the difference in his scent immediately, looking over as if they thought something was wrong. Seeing you just cuddling up to the man as he helped you rest fully, had them calm down, the alphas soon following suit.

And so, the room changed it's whole aroma into a soft, calm, sleepy-like den. Namjoon finished up the bite of his pizza before he rested back himself, gently caressing your temples and hair.

It didn't take too long for you to fall asleep, having them notice the way your breathing slowed down and turned more soft, your scent going down in intensity.

Placing the plastic cup you still held back on the coffee table, Jungkook smiled gently at you, his eyes lingering on your form for a moment.

„Hyung,... I want Y/N as our 'mega." The youngest whispered, looking up at the packalpha. Namjoon smiled widely, chuckling at the sudden confession.

To be truthful, it was quite unnatural for the young alpha to get attached so quickly; since he was the youngest, he got cared for for a long time, even though he discovered his second gender pretty much just as they debuted and formed a pack.

Jungkook struggled sometimes with it, agitated that his packmates would feel the need to take care of him—he didn't need it after all; he was an alpha and therefore could take care of himself well enough.

But still, with the packmembers often pampering him a little bit, have it be teasing or not, he grew used to it for a few years, his naturally dominant side hiding for a while.

The youngest struggled getting to know different girls and getting attached to them; no matter how many omegas their company offered them, none of them felt right, whether they were older or younger than him, girls or not—it just didn't work.

He would sometimes think that it didn't matter if it felt right or not; since he technically couldn't know how it would feel when the puzzle pieces fell together, how could he know this wasn't how it would go?

Still, over the years, Jungkook always felt weird, taking care of omegas or even betas, even though it should have fulfilled any of his urges.

Now that he was maturing, he felt his second gender side growing more calm and collected, not as overpowering as once before, even though he was still quite far from being fully ready for bigger steps in his life.

And when he saw you, when he noticed your scent, the alpha realised that none of what was before mattered anymore—you were there now, and he knew this was right.

Mating and marking you would be a step in the future, that was certain, but every good pack would keep the courting process long and slow; it was important to not overwhelm the omegas.

Oftentimes not the most caring alphas would mate the first heat that would strike, and after that, their ruts would alight with their omegas if it hadn't happened earlier due to the long scent exposure.

The courting was important for many reasons, as once mated and marked, the omegas would truly be a part of the pack, and getting rid off the attachment wasn't too easy.

Getting to know each other was, of course, one of the more social aspects of courting, but the process consisted of getting used to the sudden adjustments more importantly.

They might have a completely different diet, they might struggle with health issues, mental or physical, or the alpha might have a too demanding job and would then struggle to take care of the omega in much need.

While supporting a family financially, for a good, understanding alpha, the support would come through actions more.

They have to show the omega they can take care of them, whether it be by cooking, buying them new things, cuddling and hugs, or scenting—everything was at play.

And after many tiring and stressful years, Jungkook finally had the sweet opportunity to express that he was, in fact, a good alpha. He could care for you and support any of your needs and wishes; he was able to provide.

Now that it didn't feel forced to do and came to him so naturally, he knew you would be the one for him, the most important and sweetest.

„I know Kook-ah; I want her as our 'mega too.” Namjoon answered truthfully, smiling softly at the younger alpha before he turned his eyes back to you.

„We should get the den started... It could be a sweet surprise; get it done without kitty knowing." Yoongi whispered gently, resting his back himself while he closed his eyes, his head thrown back in thought.

„I looked at more bed frames that are online; we can choose one together later. We could start decorating the room in the meantime." Hobi answered, opening one of the windows on his phone.

There was a luxury furniture website opened, with a tab called 'DEN ESSENTIALS' showing. The alpha has already filtered the search.

Apart from the regular colour and material options to choose from, there was also a way to narrow down the search for the right bed set by the number of packmembers.

After all, they would want to go back to the den just for you, but if the bed wouldn't fit everyone quite right, it wouldn't be comfortable enough to yearn for it.

The room was large enough, and the alphas have been planning on stretching out the bed from pretty much wall to wall. They might add bedside tables, though.

They didn't truly discuss the design of the room yet, but even if they didn't, they all knew your wants and needs were the most important.

While Yoongi probably wouldn't be the happiest in a room full of Hello Kitties and Cinnamonrolls, as he would sleep on a My Melody pillow, if you wanted to have a den bright and pastel themed, he would never complain.

After all, as long as you would build a nest for them, which, considering how much more and more sleepy and cuddly you were getting with them over the days, shouldn't take too long, they would gladly rest at any place of the planet.

It was an old saying that any alpha will sleep anywhere under the sun, as long as they have their omega with them, and there was for sure a bit of truth in it.

„I asked pup about what type of bedframe she liked the best the last time we went to the store; she prefers the wooden forms.”

„Yeah, those are much more classy; they are more traditional too.”The eldest alpha answered, nodding gently.

He remembered one of his classmates from when he went to school. The student was considered fairly cool and popular, for he had already established himself a pack back then, even though he was still very young and, quite frankly, immature.

The frat boy had two omegas with him, and Jin always felt slightly bad for them, noticing the way his classmate would oftentimes treat them. The disrespect was unimaginable.

But still, since their scents aligned so well, the four mates pack, consisting of one more beta, had formed while they were all still fairly young, the beta being the oldest, 20.

And after the information went around the school, considering the students were still around 18 years old at the oldest, it was a thing that made the boy quite literally famous.

Jin never spoke to him too much; his scent fell sour on his nose, and since they were both alphas and Seokjin was very pretty, putting him in an equally popular spot, the classmate never really approached him, the two alphas choosing to never interact.

He did hear him talk to a few of the 'friends' he gathered around himself, laughing loudly about how they broke the bedframe last night since it was only metal and didn't hold up during his oh so strong rut.

Jin felt slightly sick to his stomach, worried about the two, probably frightened omegas, but even when he tried to erase the image of that alpha in rut from his mind, he never truly managed, a nasty memory.

„Should we paint the room too? It's just white now.” Taehyung asked, thinking about the interior. He was a great fashionista, but room decor wasn't really where he felt his strongest.

„Maybe dark grey? I think it would be best if we kept the place dark and cosy; it should help princess sleep better, especially if she will be napping." The alpha said softly, thinking himself.

„Yea, I agree. I think our best bet is to make it easy to sleep in. It's a den after all; we can worry about details later. As long as little pup likes it, it's all good.” The packalpha murmured, patting your head gently.

The packmates rested back for a few more minutes, until Jin got a call. Since his phone was on silent mode, the ringtone didn't sound, and so, you were kept in your sweet dreamland, while the eldest got told about Sejin already waiting in the meeting room.

He ended the call soon, sighing out, while he started to pack up the empty food boxes—they seriously ate like hyenas sometimes.

While helping around, the rest of the alphas sorted through everything quickly, going from the room to the hall to sort everything in the right bin, making sure to recycle.

„Baby? Sweetheart, my little pup, wake up now. Alphas have to go see Sejin-Hyung. Come on now, sweet baby." Gently coaxing you from sleep, you fluttered your eyes open, Namjoon's dimples showing.

Going to rub your eye, Jimin interweaved your fingers with his instead, gently rubbing his thumb over your knuckles in a sweet gesture.

Yawning softly, you were still tired, but let yourself be pulled up again. The packalpha slowly placed you on the ground, making sure you weren't so tired you wouldn't stay steady.

Smiling widely at your sleepy state, Jimin ran his fingers through your hair, letting Yoongi come by and take your other palm in his. The older alpha tutted at how messy your hair was, combing it down so it sat neat and pretty.

„There, kitty, hold alpha's hand now, okay? Let's go, little kitten." Gently pecking your temple, Yoongi pulled you behind himself, Jimin walking next to you.

With the other pack members all coming with you, the pack soon piled back to the meeting room they went to this morning. This time, there were much fewer people involved—only the same man and other one.

Smiling gently at you all, Yoongi softly pulled you along, letting you sit down before he and Jimin both took a seat on each side of you.

The room had a strong light on, and with how sleepy and tired you still felt, you just wanted to go back to the soft, warm place Namjoon had tucked you away to, and go rest some more.

„I prepared the documents for you guys. Read them through and sign them.” Sejin said smoothly, handing Hoseok, the one sitting at the corner, a stack of stapled papers.

Each taking one and passing the tower of files along, all of the alphas started reading through it, though Namjoon looked up at his manager first.

„Hyung, would it be possible to take Y/N with us to The Soop?” Sejin looked over, his expression unreadable, for a few seconds.

Resting fully in his chair, the manager sighed out in thought, thinking about everything.

„I mean... As long as everyone is okay with Y/N being on camera, I suppose it would be okay. There should be enough room for everyone still.” No one spoke right away, the packmembers turning to you.

You looked up to Yoongi, the alpha's hand taking in yours, not worried about the situation they were in. You nodded a little bit; it couldn't be that bad, right?

„It's ok-okay, if you stay with me, oppas." You whispered softly, Jimin smiling widely, happy to hear your gentle confession. His heart did a little flip, the alpha realising that you found comfort in him.

„Well, in such a case, you would have to reveal that you have started the courting process before we air the series.” The other manager, whom the packmates obviously knew well but had never introduced, said softly, eyes lingering on your timid form for a little bit.

The man realised that bringing you to the industry quite suddenly could be a bit of an issue, but considering how well the packmembers were to you, he also realised that you were doing exceptionally well.

„It will be aired at the end of June, and we are leaving to record by the start of May, so before then. Sejin said, sighing gently. He could imagine you being mated to them by then, but nothing could be certain.

And if you were revealed as only courted at the moment, some bad stuff could go down, and he didn't want that to happen to any of you.

„That's o-okay...” You said it softly, squeezing both of the alphas hands gently. The pack members smiled at your answer, proud that you would take a step forward like that.

„Alright. I will get the file ready for you too, then, okay? You can sign it later, don't worry.” You nodded happily, realising that you wouldn't be there to truly shoot a show yourself, instead tagging along as a companion.

Namjoon knew that Sejin wouldn't let much of the cameras linger on you, and your face might be censored the whole time too, but that didn't matter.

The fans they had would understand and want what makes them happy to happen, and since it was you, the true ARMYs would be more than happy for them.

Deciding to go into it with such a mindset calmed the packalpha down. Sure, he felt a slight worry at the thought of your reaction to receiving a negative response to being courted by them.

It wouldn't be because of who you truly were if that happened, though; it would be something that would happen because you were courted by them, not anyone else.

The alpha felt a pang of guild strike him straight through his heart, but considering how excited you were about the whole In The Soop series, he couldn't linger on it for too long.

You were a sweet little thing, and they would keep you protected, making sure you wouldn't feel bad for any of the unreasonable hate you could possibly receive.

The alphas were ready to tuck you away from the world into their arms and wouldn't let any harm come your way.

Smiling softly, the packalpha opened the file, starting to read through it.

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Next:

[ladythot]

Since it is 🌸national gf day🌸 I'm gonna drop a few hcs on what the baki men would do/take you out on during hapi hapi girlfie day. I've changed my writing style bc I became xtra lazy. Happy singles day!!!

Also, a weird combination of characters bc they're all whatever I'm feeling for as of now

Genre; fluff—no proofread

Jack/Kaoru

— At those fancy restaurants with overpriced menus and exquisite dishes, you'd feel out of place among the rich patrons dining. Those neat walls and dimly sourced lights, then the haughty demeanor that make you feel like you don't belong under the rich roof. Your table would be the one piled-high with every imaginable delicacy, like you were the only one capable of making a dent in their mountain of good food; but at the end of the day, it's not so much about the amount of food served but rather the message that they send—a clear demonstration of their wealth and status meant to be overlooked when it comes to your expense. Everything isn't a huge deal for these two. Same goes for every store you'd wanna buy shit from

Katsumi

— Typical perfect boyfriend stuff. Would plan on doing something special for you by either preparing a nice meal or taking you out for a picnic and having a cheesy picnic by watching the beautiful moonlit sky of Japan, or going out to watch a movie, enjoy a shopping spree or just doing anything you desired at the time. He's skilled at arranging memorable occasions for your sake.

Katou

— Despite his aversion to celebrations or any important day, Katou does make an effort for those that he truly cares about. He's not the best at planning events, but he certainly takes note of their birthdays and any other special days that they have, making sure to acknowledge them in his own way. But national girlfriend's day, specifically, is something he wishes he could do better motives from. It's bad enough that he doesn't show much affection towards you and he just wishes he could do better.

— he's literally the worst at it but that doesn't mean he's not willing to show a peek of his love and affection. Instead, he tries to make up for it by doing things he's not accustomed to; such as being more reserved—trying to hold you close, and showing signs of general intimacy. Even if his actions may not be as overall smooth or polished as others', it's clear that he cares deeply for you and is willing to put in the effort to prove it. And if you wanna go somewhere, yeah he'll do just that. He'll be a dog for the day

Atsushi

— Simple pleasures. Suedo prioritizes making you smile over anything else. His go-to spot for the fun is usually amusement parks, arcades, or any other setting reminiscent of childhood joy/healing. He's not one for the high life, but he'll do his best to win you as many prizes as possible.

Mumon

— Plans to treat you to a luxurious experience such as dining at a fancy restaurant, but his cash prevents him. Though, he mainly prioritizes spending quality time with you somewhere scenic that features cherry blossoms as they hold a special place in his heart and it doesn't have to be all money for him; cherry blossoms symbolize importance to him—so he only shares this kind of sight with the people that hold tremendous significance to him.

Happy national gf day ty for listening to my cheesy bullshit :sob:

[somberjoon]

SYZYGY [1]

✩ pairing: alpha namjoon x chubby fem!omega reader

✩ genre: wonderous , soulmates , strangers to "friends" to lovers , fluff , romance🔞 , life lessons , slice-of-life , brief angsty situations , happy ending

✩ word count: 6.4k

✩ chapter warnings: cussing , cover art does not depict fmc features, drinking / mention of bar hopping , Namjoon is drunk upon meeting FMC but there is nothing that happens! , lots of inside feelies and thought processes

✩ summary: Namjoon would say that he truly lives the normal life. As an alpha, he works the job he wants, he goes out when he has time, and he has never received a single late-fee on payments. He's living the mundane life- until an unknown omega literally drops into his life. Where did she come from? Why him?

✩ cover: me

ch.1 , ch.2 ...

“It is your time, precious one.” 

“What if- what if I’m scared?” 

“You have no reason to be fearful.” 

“I was born to do this- he is just a man, an alpha that I know nothing of- what if we are not compatible like you say we will be?” 

“Do you find me inconsistent in the success of my pairings, precious one?”

“No, I am just afraid I will not live up to your expectations now that I am to be on my own.” 

“Oh, my dear, that is the reason you were matched.” 

“What?”

“Please, trust me once more and trust yourself always from now on.”

“Of course.”

“It is she that loves all thy flaws.”

“It is she that loves all thy flaws.”

Namjoon

It’s another small bar that plays shitty remixes. The only good things about these places are the owners with their intimate service and the perfectly made drinks. 

“What song is this?” Namjoon just about screams into Jimin’s ear. Another remix plays, probably by a newer pop star that he has yet to familiarize himself with. 

“I don’t know or care! It’s your turn!” Jimin points at the messy stack of cards in the middle of the small table. Namjoon gives a lazy eye roll and intently looks at the cards in his hands once again. 

“Do you have a five?” He turns to Seokjin to scream into his ear. 

“Hah! Go fish, bitch.” Namjoon begrudgingly pulled another card from the only neat stack on the table. 

“Can we pick something else?” Namjoon yells between the two, hoping to God that they heard him and will take pity on him. 

This is the one night in a whole month that he has had time to go out and forget about his job. The first shitty bar was just what he needed. Drinks were made with alcohol that was poured with a heavy hand and the music was chosen perfectly. You always have to start with the loud, dance club settings when you bar hop. Then, by the end of the night, you’re sitting at a chill bar that provides board games for its patrons and puts the correct amount of alcohol into drinks. Plus, if you have the right vibes, you can score some free samples. By now, the owners have given them a few too many and all three of them should definitely leave soon. 

“I have a better idea!” Jimin yells. Instead of the others responding, they just wait for Jimin to say what’s next on the agenda. He’s basically been running the whole night, deciding where they go next and what the feel is after each one. He’s the pro. 

“Let’s go home.” 

“Thank god.” Namjoon mumbles to himself. Immediately starting to put their cards away in a mess of backwards and upside down stacks. It was Seokjin’s turn to pay for the tab, so he’s up and heading for the main bartender in a hurry. Apparently they’ve all had enough for the night. By now it’s not just fun noiseless thinking and laughing about ‘the good old days’, it’s tired mumbling and sighing at the hit of cool air that greets them outside of the bar. 

“Ugh, Joon, you should just let us crash at your place. I really can’t imagine the price of a cab right now.” 

“I don’t care, I just wan' be horizontal as soon as possible.” Namjoon mumbles at them, already leading the way to his studio apartment. 

"You're such a fuckin' nerd." Seokjin giggles to himself, making Jimin join in."

"Because I use 'horizontal'? Ya'll can fight over the fuckin' couch cuz' you're not sleepin' withme in my big, sof' bed." 

That just eggs them on more, leaving Namjoon to lead the way as they stumble along behind him.

-

“Uh…Namjoon?”

Seokjin’s unsure voice asks behind Namjoon as he clicks his apartment door’s locks into place. His limbs seem to lag as he tries to peel his shoes and jacket off. 

“What?”

“I thought you said you didn’t go out last night.”

“Bro, I didn’t.” Namjoon adds a whiny ending in his answer. Both Seokjin and Jimin have been asking if he went out without them- the whole night he’s had to convince them he stayed in on a Friday night to work.

“Then, why is there an omega in your living room?”

“There’s not an ‘mega in my liv-” Namjoon finally pries his shoes off and turns to find a female standing just next to his couch. Her scent hits him like a bag of bricks- it’s fucking everywhere, like she scented ever piece of fabric in the house and pushed out some more just for extra measure. 

“Alpha!” Her bright eyes land on his still adjusting eyes. He’s trying his best to piece together why the fuck this is happening. He must be really fucking drunk. They must all be. There wouldn’t be a random omega in his home. He hasn’t touched another person in months thanks to the workload he has. 

“Namjoon? She’s talking to you.” Jimin pipes up, trying to cover his nose with his jacket sleeve. He can’t think the smell is bad can he? Namjoon thinks her scent is nice, really good, perfect even- but as his eyes turn to Jimin and Seokjin he can see their discomfort. 

“You’re talking to me?” Namjoon asks stupidly. He can’t, for the life of him, get ahold of a single thought. There’s no reason for her to be here talking to him. 

“Yes. I’ve been waiting for you.” She says surely. “She sent me to you.” She ends with a giddy smile. 

“Namjoon if you’ve got some weird roleplay going on please let us leave.” Seokjin says finally, pushing Namjoon into his apartment more to dispel the situation and- apparently- leave the stunned, drunk alpha alone with this unknown omega. 

“Who are you?” He asks, studying her to try and figure out if this was an omega he forgot he had a thing with before. Namjoon can’t imagine her as anyone he’s been with before- he’d surely remember a face like her’s, a scent so perfect. 

“Y/N. I’m your gift!” She says with certainty, never letting her smile leave as she waits for him to react to her. Instead, he just feels extremely light headed. With a few slowed-blinks, Namjoon collapses to the ground with a few thuds. 

-

"Please don't die. Please, please don't have drunk too much and die before I could do anything."

Namjoon wakes to a pounding in his head that seems to be speaking to him as well. A foreign voice worries around him. It isn't until a touch to his forehead that has him bolting up from a lying position to come face to face with a woman that he definitely thought he dreamt up.

"Oh, thank The Goddess! I thought you drank too much." Namjoon tries to push himself away from the woman, going as far back to his headboard as he can get. 

"I definitely drank too much, 'cuz who the fuck are you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you'd remember." He watches confused as she seems to straighten the hoodie she has on- a hoodie he realizes is definitely his- and prepares herself for an introduction. 

"I'm Y/N, your personal omega match." She gives him a grinning greeting that shows her confidence and content in a situation he sure as hell isn't familiar with.

"What- what does that mean?" Namjoon tries to rub the hangover from his eyes, an ache being soothed only when a constant pressure is held to his temples. He listens to her as he continues his ministrations.

"The Goddess raises us, teaches us how to be perfect for our matches. No matter the combination, no matter the gender identity- there's always a match for someone. But, the chosen match only goes through if the one we are matched to deserves it. Our safety is her number one priority."

He takes in this headache of an explanation, trying his best to piece together why the hell he was chosen. He's trying to figure out if this is really happening to him- if this is real, despite him knowing of those that had been 'gifted' an alpha, beta, or omega. 

"I can help you with the pain, I was taught how to alleviate hangover symptoms."

"No, no it's fine, don't touch me." Her face falls at what he says upon opening his eyes. The look of devastation on her face worries him, itching to figure out why what he said had made her so unsettled.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"Why?"

"I have been touching you. I brought you to the bed and made sure you didn't sleep with your jeans on. And I've been switching out the cool rags all night to check if you were still sweating. I definitely should have asked."

The scent he was so used to he forgot about it, is now mixed with a burnt equivalent. 

“It’s alright. I was- yeah I don’t remember much. So, thank you for helping me.” 

“Of course! I love helping, I could make you soup if you’d like. I- I don’t know what you like yet but if you let me know what you need right now I can figure it out.” 

Namjoon gives pause at the sheer want that’s on her face, the softness in her scent now. He’s never had another person in his home making him things and wanting to take care of him besides Seokjin and Jimin. Those two will try to help him out whenever he even voices a discomfort, but this stranger is sat kneeling on his bed, tending to him as if he means something to her. He doesn’t know how this works exactly, where she comes from and why she’s so comfortable with him without knowing anything about him. He can’t just take advantage of her either. He’ll learn. 

-

Even as Namjoon prepares a soup he would most definitely not have put the effort into making any other time he was drunk, Y/N is looking over his shoulder and watching what he does every step of the way. Just as his dog at his parents house used to do, she’s right on his heels, trying to memorize the steps. Even worse, her scent is giddy-ingly releasing as if she’s not in control of it. Luckily, he finishes it without spilling or burning himself, setting the bowls on his only place to properly eat in his apartment- a small peninsula in his kitchen that extends to fit four people. He sits to find one Y/N having already gotten him water and found acetaminophen to set next to his bowl. 

“So, you were busy while you were waiting for me, huh?” Namjoon quips more than anything. He gestures to the air around them, the scent. His dry humor doesn’t seem to hit the spot, though.

“I’m sorry about that as well. I was so excited to see a home, your home, and your space. And- I know it’s important to not interfere but it just- came out.” She cringes at herself, her eyes finally leaving him to focus on her bowl of food. Namjoon finds himself hiding his smile in his bite of food, savoring the flavor that he hasn’t had in a while. His amusement doesn’t last long with his overthinking. The first bite of her soup is at her lips before he asks. 

“Did it smell bad? Is my scent not- ya’ know? Not good?” 

“No! Not at all. Your scent is- well- really good to put it simply. At first I was just so excited my own scent was pushing out, but then- I smelled you. It was addicting, and I found I was just curious about what our scents are like together. I’m sorry I disturbed your space.”

“It’s okay-”

“You don’t have to lie to me to make me feel better.” She states. 

“I’m not. You’ll come to learn I’m very verbal about my wants and disinterests- so I’m telling the truth when I say that your scent is ‘really good’ as well.” Namjoon makes a point to jab at her earlier description, finally bringing another smile to her face. 

“Okay, I’ll remember that. And I’m glad you like it.” She shyly admits. 

“Now that we know that, though, let’s just try not to push it out as much until we get to know each other better- just so we don’t act on instincts too haphazardly.” Namjoon politely suggests. He’d never put someone’s scent over consent and their verbal wants and needs- but if they are truly matched by The Goddess, then he knows that an interest will develop and then scents cloud instincts and will make them both do things they may regret. 

Looking at Y/N now, he can imagine it. He can imagine her being the omega he’d do anything for. Right now, his imagination is only based on what The Goddess has given him, though. That’s the problem. He needs to know her inside and out, not just her sweet, warm scent. The softness of her hair- long, warm brown curls that cascade down to her hips- needs to be a feeling that he could recall into his fingers at any moment. He would need to be able to lick his lips and taste her on them. She’d need to be ingrained into him, just as much as he makes sure he’s the same for her. They are the only two that will know each other as intimately as he wishes. Until then, he will care for her as he’s supposed to, and they will get to know each other- as friends. 

“Okay, I can do that.”

“And I’m guessing you had no clothes?” 

“I didn’t know they’d drop me here naked, I just grabbed the first things I found comfortable.” Again, she seems to be more embarrassed of herself in that realization, but she pushes on. “I can get a job. The Goddess taught me how to have good communication and hard work.” 

He didn’t think of that. Should she work? Does she want to work?

“For now, let’s just see how things workout, and if you wish to work, I’ll help you with the process. If you enjoy being here without one, or find out you hate it, then no big deal- I earn enough. Let’s get you some clothes today, though, some things that are better suited for your skin, yeah?” Her eyes light up immediately, her eyes never leaving Namjoon in the dark about how she feels. He likes that already. 

“I can go outside today?” 

“Y/N, you can go outside whenever you want-” He catches her ready to interrupt but he can already guess what she’ll ask. “We’ll talk about scenting another time. But, I am not going to tell you what you can and can’t do. I’m assuming you want to stay here-” A few satisfied nods from her is the answer. “Then we’ll have some basic rules. We tell each other where we’re going, or if we want to go out and do something- just so we know and just so we’re both as safe as possible. We don’t invade each other’s privacy ever- when doors are shut we always knock and when we’re curious about something we ask. We tell each other how we feel if we are having issues or when one wishes to communicate a change in the rules. We are two separate people who have our own needs, and we both need to respect that. I think those are most important, but- do you want to add or change anything?” 

“I appreciate how thorough you are, but where do I sleep?” 

-

"How about this? It's soft and similar to the one you're wearing." 

"Hmmm, I don't know if this is what I want to wear daily, though." 

"How about we just get some basics you immediately like and then we'll get more later on when you figure out what you like in broader areas."

The main issue with shopping for a once-celestial-being is that clothing was never a unique-based choice for them. Everything was uniform and based only on what that person chose to cover. 

"I like simple things, but I just want some more color." 

Namjoon scans the racks of the clothing, but only the sections with more colors. Even then, all of the clothing in the women's section is different. Cuts and flares are different or nonexistent. He finally just looks up to ask a question, but finds Y/N with two arms full of choices. 

"There's just so much and I've never tried them before…can I just try stuff on?" 

-

Namjoon waits an odd amount of time to see the first outfit that Y/N shows him. It's not a crowded store, nor are the stores around them busy. But, when she walks out with a tight forest green crop top that obviously shows she has no bra on he immediately feels like every eye is on them. He's not one that cares about it, he's definitely a 'free the nipple' kinda' guy. But the very brief sight has him standing up immediately from the waiting chairs and blocking her from the small entrance that people could see through. 

"This one is so soft and I love this color. The skirt is a little weird, though. Does it look okay?" 

Namjoon pulls his glued gaze from her face to travel down her body. A body that he is now seeing in a new light. The clothes fit as if they were made for her- even a small pudge of her stomach sticks out between the top and the skirt to pull his gaze in. The skirt isn't weird, it's a creme colored, long cargo skirt that is probably a new style he's a little unaware of. If anything, it's perfect and is as lovely as she sounds. It matches her, unlike his hoodies and matching sweats- though he has to stop himself from wishing she’d just wear his clothing all the time. He gets to her feet, his oversized socks and the smaller pair of slippers that Jimin usually wears in his apartment are on her feet. It's so cute and so soft that he has to completely ignore it to give her an honest sounding answer.

"It looks really good." He says it with a heady voice, already obsessed with how everything looks on her. "Is it comfortable?" He changes the topic to not have to say more than he needs to.

"Yes! I tried on some jeans but the baggier stuff and skirts are more comfortable right now. I can try those later on. I like the sweats and softer stuff, this one was just one I wanted your opinion on." 

"Okay, grab whatever you'd like and then we can get shoes and bedding." Namjoon turns before she answers, hoping he isn't stinking up the damn shop.

Now that they’ve left the clothing shop, Namjoon feels like he can breathe. Despite Y/N having already chosen what she’d found comfortable, she wanted his opinion on a few more options just so she didn’t get ‘too much’. He really didn’t mind buying everything she liked, but she was insistent on living with only necessities- just as she did before she was ‘dropped’. That’s how she describes it, so he will as well. All her clothing is plain and is like her clothing before, as she described. Tight, simple bands and flowy fabrics that were different shades of and between white and black. Now, she just wants to add color and, apparently, his opinion. 

“Why do I need extra bedding? Is there an omega version of most personal items? It was always pretty equal before- everything was perfect.”

“I think that’s the point of being directly raised by The Goddess, it’s all catered to you. You don’t think that a blanket could be two different things to one person there? Like, perfectly soft and fuzzy to you but silky and cool for another.”

“Oh, I never thought about it that way. We just got necessities there and, to be honest, there wasn’t a need to share.”

“It’s just easier for those here to have their own stores or versions of preferred necessities because of your skin. Clothing and bedding is softer in certain stores, products can be found in a large variety based on needs and wants as well, and depending on your second gender there are just other needs you have- you know that though.” Namjoon really hopes that this won’t be a conversation he has to have when they barely know each other. He couldn’t imagine The Goddess making things as important as heats and ruts to be something unnecessary in Her ‘magical land above’. 

“Yes, I know. I’m already recognizing that face you make. Please don’t be shy with me- I kind of lied about sharing things back then- we shared heats and ruts with each other if we wished. It wasn’t sacred there like it is here- it was just a means for survival and The Goddess knew it was something that was our choice. Here, though, it’s far more special and we are taught that- I’m only yours, and if you'd like, you’ll be mine.” 

She says these things with such confidence and assurance. He can’t just let her be this open without him giving that energy back, but he’s more so just not ready. This time to get to know her is crucial and keeping their personal information separate if wanted is important to him. He also can’t blame her, she just told him that their bodies were shared if wanted based on survival, and they were watched over all the time and provided for without having much of a say. It’s all just another thing to learn- he’ll learn to get used to her nonchalance. 

“When it comes up we’ll talk about that then and figure it out together.” Namjoon assures her, hoping he sounds as reassuring as possible. 

“Okay. Ooh, these are nice!” Y/N points at a specific type of blanket in one section. She touches the samples of comforters that line the wall under each different type on the shelf. He likes these comforters as well, the airy, padded blankets provide warmth but don’t make you sweat in the hotter months. 

“These ones are good during the hotter seasons as well- I think they’d be good.”

“Can I get two? For nesting.” 

This part doesn’t take long at all. Namjoon suggests some things and lets her pick out whatever her heart desires as this is all stuff he’ll be less helpful in. By the end, Namjoon is carrying the two clothing bags, and two regular pillows while Y/N’s usual giddy face doesn’t struggle at all to carry the two comforters and two plushies she thought ‘looked like him’. He tried denying the panda, but the koala wasn’t an awful comparison. (He folded immediately). 

“What’s next?” She asks with excitement on her face.

“We plan dinner and then go to bed.” 

“Oh..okay!” The excitement leaves her, but only for a second. 

She never thinks long about what it is she’s taking in. She’d definitely not one to take things lightly, as she said she’d been memorizing his fucking expressions, so it’s probably just content. She’s content to be here and do whatever he suggests because that’s all she knows. 

“How about we go out to dinner? Is there anything you like?” He watches her think for another slow couple of seconds, and then she’s excited again to talk to him. 

“Whatever is your favorite. I’d like to just try something new.”

“You’re going to be sorely disappointed.” Namjoon gives her a mischievous smile that’s more fond-looking when it’s directed at her. 

-

It’s a seedy pizza spot that is honestly not actually all seedy. Namjoon was never one to judge a place or person on how they look- so, when he stumbled upon this place that seemed to be the only thing open after a late-night recording session, he gave it a shot. It’s shitty on the outside with a dirty, worn down awning that could just be black on purpose and a sign that you can barely read. The inside is far better, luckily. It’s as clean as you could probably get the place without gutting it, and the owner is the one making the pizzas. It’s not very seedy because of that and the fact that the owner won’t share his real name. He named it ‘Mario’s’ only because he likes the games and wanted people to think he knew what the fuck he was doing. So, Namjoon isn’t sure- but the pizza’s fucking amazing. 

Y/N doesn’t look like she should be walking into the establishment. She’s bright-eyed and wanting to take in the world as it is her first time seeing it, technically. He doesn’t know how exactly she lived or what she has seen, but it really seems as if she’s appreciative of even the dust lining the crevices of the flooring. 

“Hey, music man. The usual?” 

“Yeah, but double it, please.” 

“Ooh, pretty lady here.” Despite Namjoon never having a jealous moment in his life before this, he immediately tenses up at the attention he gives her.

“Hi! I’m Y/N.”

“Very sweet, well I’ve seen you in here by yourself too many times- so, I’ll charge you for one order today, ey? Nice date, nice price.” 

“Thanks, man.” Namjoon tries to get the conversation over with, looking over to Y/N to see that she doesn’t mind one bit.

“Is this a date?” She suddenly asks, bouncing off the idea that the owner obviously put into her head.

“Just dinner as friends right now. I’d let you know if it was a date, I’m really possessive.” Namjoon says it a little louder than necessary as he leads her to a booth seat that conceals her from the counter’s view. “Let me pay, I’ll be right back.” 

Namjoon misses the giddy smile that Y/N has at the new information she now holds in getting to know her alpha. They aren’t each other’s yet, but he’s all she knows right now and he’s treating her so well. It seems bound to happen that he’ll become closer to her- her's, in all senses that she finds meaningful. It’ll mean she’s doing well, and that she won’t disappoint The Goddess or Namjoon. 

The wait isn’t long, Namjoon’s favorite part besides the perfect slices of pizza. 

“One pepperoni slice and one cheese. I’m a simple man.” 

“I like simple.” Is all she tells him with a shrug before she greedily eats the cheese slice. She talks as she eats, not caring for the food in her mouth. “Wow, there was nothing like this! We didn’t need to eat, but there were cravings in our time of heat. I usually craved something sweet, and with only the necessities being our priority it was usually fruit. We learned to cook basic things as well- breads, soups, and different kinds of rice.” 

Namjoon feels comfortable talking with a half-full mouth now as well, becoming more and more comfortable with a stranger that he just acquainted himself with this morning. 

“You’re in luck, besides music, I’m a professional take-out order-er.” 

“Mmm,” it seems she takes that information and is already imagining the good food that she doesn’t know exists yet. “I didn’t know you made music- that’s your job?” 

“Yeah, I produce music but I’m mostly at home doing it. Sometimes I’ll go in to help with a recording, but that’s not often. I just get paid to make the beats or change lyrics whenever they need help with that.” 

“That’s really cool. Could I hear something sometime?” She looks so interested, so enthralled by him that he almost chokes up at the attention she’s giving him. He doesn’t feel worthy as an alpha to be someone she’s interested in. He’s never had someone look at him like he has all the answers and can provide for her without a second thought. He knows this is a learning process for them both, but he’s thinking that she’s already set on whatever it is she was made for- while he’s just a man that is still figuring out everything himself. A stable job and a home that he can provide isn’t enough. He isn’t enough yet. 

“You’ll probably hear it all the time when I’m working during the week.” 

“Yay.” She gives him that same smile, now with her lips sealed because of the food in her mouth. Grease stains her lips and he has to push down the want to wipe it from her. Her lips, now that he’s looking, are plump and the pink of them is hiding under a layer of orange grease. Despite that, they’re still kissable, memorable, probably soft and pliant in times of need-

“Here’s a napkin.” 

“Thank you!” She takes it and immediately uses it. 

He has to stop doing that.

-

It’s only once they’re home and have hauled everything up to the apartment that Namjoon realizes it was a horrible idea to share the bed. He wants to be a gentleman and he doesn’t want to just push her away. She’s here for an obvious reason, they were matched- supposedly perfect for each other- and he only feels like a dick pushing her away to sleep on his uncomfortable couch. 

He shows her how to use the washing machine, and as they wait it’s far more awkward than he means for it to be. 

“Have you tried the TV yet?” Namjoon asks as she goes through her bag of clothes to show Namjoon the contents. He mentally smacks himself, he really didn’t have to ask, he could just turn it on and put a random show on to end the night. 

“No, I didn’t want to touch anything I wasn’t familiar with.” She’s nonchalant about it, why can’t he be nonchalant about it?

“Okay, I got these to sleep in, they didn’t have that many options so I hope I can borrow a shirt to sleep in if that’s okay?” She holds up a pair of sleep shorts that has far too little fabric. It’s her choice to wear them- he’s not a fucking teenager, he’ll be fine. 

“And I know it’s most decent, so I did find these to wear…” she has to find the tag and read them. “Sports bras.” She holds up the three-pack proudly to show him. Despite her being the one to show him, he feels invasive, immediately turning away after a quick smiling nod to turn on the TV.

“And then this skirt as well as this smaller one, and a more flowy one. The fabrics are nice- I like how different they are here.” 

“Very pretty.” He says, hoping it was normal enough. 

“Thank you! And then just a few more of those shirts like the green one and a couple hoodies and sweats like yours. We’ll match! Plus these shoes and socks will go with everything I got.” She excitedly looks over her things again and again. She’s so happy with just those, so happy with the simple things and the shitty restaurant that he’d never even think about taking a woman to unless they were much more comfortable together. 

In his thinking, he doesn’t notice Y/N standing in front of him until she’s holding up that pair of sleep shorts for him. He takes them without thinking, looking up from the couch to give her a questioning look. 

“You said we could talk about scenting later. Is scenting my clothes off-limits?” She looks down at him with worry in her eyes and a peak of worry slips through to make him weak in the- everything, really. 

“No, uh, no that’s okay.” It’s a possessive thing he feels when he scents the shorts, looking up at her as he gives them a good rub against his neck and even going the extra measure to make sure his scent is thick and potent. 

“There.” He hands them back, the soft fabric going straight to her nose to take in a whiff. He wants so badly to know how much she enjoys it, if she enjoys it as much as he enjoys her’s. She takes her time, then points to the pile of clothes. 

“Can you do the rest once those are clean?”

“Yeah.” It’s a breathy response, hanging onto the hope that he’ll be able to scent her at some point. Having his scent on her things, on her body, it truly finalizes the fact that she’s here for him. She was made to bless someone- all pretty omega, inside and out, and soft features with a soft body. She was made to bless him, he realizes. Though he doesn’t know if it was meant to be him from the beginning, she was still curated in a way that led them together. He doesn’t deserve it. Not when he’s clunky and unconfident in his abilities to be her alpha. His instincts are kicking in without the confidence to even put them to use. 

“Let’s get the bed ready, however you like it we can change it, yeah?” He’s suddenly antsy in his need to make his room presentable and safe. He’s grabbing both blankets and pillows and is in the bedroom before Y/N even makes it there, still becoming more and more tired after her adventures today. 

“Are you tired?” He asks, noticing her tired eyes and the shorts still lifted to her nose. He gets a nodding answer. Perfectly, maybe by fate even, the dryer chimes its finish, indicating that now both of her new blankets are clean and warm.

While he is just about freaking out over never having made a nest before, Y/N is at his side and pulling one thing at a time from his arms. She places the blankets haphazardly in his eyes, just making a small dip for her to cuddle into. Even in her fog of scent and growing tiredness, she is able to do what she needs for her comfortable nest. He even lingers on the fact that she’s making it on the correct side, probably having already noticed where his scent lingers the most. 

“Okay, we sleep.” she almost gets into the bed before Namjoon is tugging at her (his) hoodie, pulling her back. 

“No outside clothes. You need to be comfortable and clean.” She immediately obeys, pulling her (his) sweats down as he looks up at the ceiling to admire the texture. He remembers she needs one of his shirts so he uses that as an actual excuse, plucking a random one from the hangers to hand to her. He completely turns around for that part, waiting only until he hears her settle into the bed before he turns back to her. He catches her arm sticking out, patting the large space next to her, before disappearing again. 

She’s going to be the death of him, really. A pretty omega nesting in his bed. 

He’s a rod next to her. Stiff and trying to take up as little room as possible. He has work tomorrow and a new responsibility he has to navigate- he can’t just stay up all night and be useless in both ways. 

“Namjoon.” Despite how tired she was, she whispers to him with a lucid voice. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m just- I don’t know- tense? Could I…sleep with your hand?” 

This is more intimate than he thought it’d be. To have her in his bed, wanting his wrist to scent freely and maybe even scent herself. He’s not one to take scenting lightly. To him, it’s special, and should be sacred to the one he is to be with for the rest of his life. He was fine with the clothes, he maybe even thought about it a few times since their shopping trip- but is this too much too fast?

“Nevermind, I’m sorry, I know we didn’t talk about that yet.” She whispers again. 

“Y/N.” It’s silent for a few long seconds. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m not sure if I want to scent right now, but could I- could we just try this once and I can let you know how I feel?” 

“Are you sure? I know I just came to you so abruptly, I don’t want my presence to change your previous boundaries. I’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

He really thinks about it, about how he’s felt before with others he’s been interested in. Even with Seokjin and Jimin, he’s never thought about scenting them or even needing to push out his own scent in situations that needed his ‘dominance’ for assistance. It was never something he prioritized, or had a reason for. So, the fact that it’s now wanted and needed, it feels intimate. But, maybe wanting to give this to her is what’s right. If not, and he’s reading this wrong, he’ll let her know. His own rule was to be open and to voice their concerns. 

“It’s okay, here.” He sticks out his arm before he can overthink it more. She takes his hand as if it were a precious jewel, her skin is just as soft as he imagined. Maybe it was even better- but he can’t explain it. All he knows is that his own skin seems to call out for her, yearning for a touch he has just met. A touch that he only knew of a second ago. He grasps onto her hand, rubbing his thumb into the back of it as she directs him to her nose. The brush of her nose is like static, a shock to his system that he’s never felt before. His sensitive scent gland there is immediately releasing his scent in wafts that she only snuggles closer to. 

“It’s so good. Is this okay?” She mumbles, clearly trying to keep a clear head as well. 

“Yeah, yeah.” He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself, but really he’s just trying to keep cool. “Do you feel better?” 

“Yes, it’s safe and warm. Thank you, Namjoon.” 

With her nose and upper lip pressed to his wrist- with a mumble of his name whispered into his own skin- he lets out a ragged breath, and he himself tries his best to drift to sleep. It isn’t long before he’s actually tiring down, her sweet, warm scenting pushing out to meet him. She could probably scent the nerves. He doesn’t mind how it happens, nor how they’ll wake up at this point. Now, he can rest, knowing a sweet omega is safe in his home.

[bubster3020]

ALBUM REVIEW #2 - Frailty - Jane Remover

This album was really cool, and I'm really happy I got to listen to it the way it was intended. I went into this album completely blind, not even knowing what genre it would be. While hyperpop was the last thing on my list of expectations, the record did not disappoint. It boasts awesomely creative instrumentals, quality vocals, and some really neat writing that at some points hit closer to home than I ever anticipated. The project dives into themes of being lost in the world, particularly after graduating high school, unsure about your life's trajectory and your identity. All of this culminates into an album that feels like you're partaking in the most fun and inspired downward spiral you've even encountered.

The opening track, "Goldfish," is one of the record's most relaxed songs, which both prepares you for it's lyrical contents and lulls you into thinking the rest of the album will keep the same pace. This was consciously done by Jane to cause uncertainty on what the rest of the project would sound like. It perfectly puts you in the headspace the album was written with, that being one of confusion. To contrast this, "Your Clothes" explodes with energy right from the get go, which truly sets the tone, being fast, loud, and distorted. As much as I love the idea of the first song being a bait and switch for this one, it doesn't quite stick the landing. The energy is great, but there were some odd mixing and writing choices that made me question how I would feel about the rest of the songs. The opening's guitars were too drowned out and felt quiet in comparison to the rest of the sound. This was coupled with some lyrics that felt out of place like "you're picking your berries, revenge is so sweet," which feels strangely childish compared to the rest of the record. Luckily, its only a small blemish.

Frailty is one of the most creative and innovative albums I've heard in a long time. The risks it takes are things I wouldn't even dream of doing, owing to Jane Remover's resourcefulness as an artist. This is no better demonstrated by the fact that no matter how distorted, loud, and aggressive the guitars sound, its all acoustic. Just because she didn't own an electric guitar while recording the album, Jane comes up with some of the coolest guitar tones I've ever heard on this. Songs like "Pretender" sound exactly like a heavily pitched down telecaster, yet it's just a humble acoustic and a boatload of talent. Another strong musical aspect is its usage of digital sound effects and 16-bit chiptune. Computer bleep bloops are all over the record, which aside from blending really well with the hyperactive synths and drums, creates a sense of feeling like a kid again. It feels like you're being brought back to a simpler time that you never wanted to leave, which does wonders in communicating its themes of growing up and discovering oneself.

This album keeps its themes very tight, with a clear focus on discovering your own identity and how turbulent the last few years of school can be, especially during a pandemic. Feeling like you're developmentally stunted, especially compared to your peers is a common topic, and one I personally relate to. Songs like "Champ" explore how the chaos of growth can often lead to depression because of hard it is to cope with change. The second half of the record especially feels like Jane is spiraling out of control, letting herself rot in bed as a means to cling on to whatever childhood she has left before realizing that it's not healthy to be stuck in the past. Halfway through "Eyes Off The Wheel, I'm A Star," there's an epiphany that while change is inevitable, it's not something that is inherently bad and it only hurts worse if you deny it. The album is very well balanced between both overbearing and fun songs, with the lighter and cleaner songs such as "Kodak Moment" feeling like a beacon of hope in the ocean of sadness. Despite how hopeless this project may come off as, it's ultimately a work of euphoria.

On top of everything else, this album is very well sampled and inspired, its soundscape reminding me of some Beach House records and at times even UNDERTALE's soundtrack. Even though it wears a lot of its inspiration on its sleeve, literally sampling songs from Pokémon and 3DS menu screens, it transforms them in so many unconventional ways that I am consistently blown away. There were multiple moments where I would recognize a style of music or sample and just sit there stunned because of what was going on around it. While sampling is pretty common practice in the world of EDM and hyperpop, I think Frailty not only pushes its boundaries, but smashes right through them. This record has an overabundance of creative decisions with only the odd misstep when it comes to mixing, and I think the record will only grow on me as time goes on. It beautifully explores topics of how hard life can be on the cusp of adulthood and the struggle is only worsened by both other people and yourself. The album ends with the idea that despite everything going on around you, life will work out and it will get better. No matter what, at the end of the day you're still you, and you're still living.

Favourite song: Pretender

Least favourite: Your Clothes

Score: 8/10

[dariuchihasen]

What is the akatsuki like?

hiiii my loves🫶🏻sorry for my inactivity, I’ve been really busy with work😭 for those who have never seen my page, I’m a shifter, mostly to Naruto, but I also shift to Bleach, demon slayer, arcane, and JJK. Everything I post is based on my DR.

•

I’m going to start off by saying the akatsuki are my family, we may not be blood related at all but our bond as friends is unbreakable🖤I truly feel accepted with them^.^

•

Also! We have 4 extra members of the akatsuki, who will be added to this description!

•

Konan: she’s a quiet natured woman, calm and level headed yet calculated. I swear I’ve never seen her scared or even anxious. She’s so strong, physically and mentally! She’s a romantic too. In my DR she’s married to Pain, and Nagato and omg. Such a lover girl, it’s the cutest thing seeing her with them. (Only time I see her get flustered☺️)

Pain: just like his wife, he’s more on the quiet side. He handles handing out tasks and assigning missions. If he’s not away on a mission himself, you’ll most likely find him tucked away in his office handling the countless paperwork the man has to handle. He enjoys reading and learning to cook(he isn’t the best and has burnt more things than making anything edible. Konan is teaching him :)

Nagato: lives in Amegakure and comes to visit every once in a while. He handles a lot of more private affairs which is why he doesn’t live with us full time. Insanely powerful and every time he visits, he trains 1on1 with every member to help strengthen our skills. He’s really kind and gets nervous easily lol!

Itachi: he recently went through a break up and for a while was rather down about it but his spark came back! He’s insanely patient and an absolutely amazing big brother. Sasuke will come visit time to time or he’ll pop into the hidden leaf to visit his parents. Family is everything to him. He keeps his bedroom neat and clean, everything has their own place lol. His favorite genre of movies is thriller

Kisame: for starters, the dude is MASSIVE. In height and size in general. He works out daily, and before the end of the day will be found outside training. Itachi is like a brother to him, he can read Tachi like an open book and tends to know when he’s upset before Itachi even realizes it himself. Was quite the ladies man before getting into a committed relationship with a sweetheart ^.^

Zetsu: May be a bit of an odd ball but I mean that in a sweet way. His sense of humor is rather interesting and tends to be funny when he can’t read the room. Likes to magically appear to scare people or to pass on messages from other members. He’s very close with Tobi and myself so he’ll hang out with us time to time when he’s bored

Orochimaru: tends to be in his lab, all the time. If any of us want to hang out with him, we’d have to go downstairs and enter his laboratory to do so. He doesn’t mind it, he enjoys the company and isn’t afraid to admit as such. Weekly, he’ll visit the Hidden Leaf to have lunch or dinner with Lady Tsunade and Jiraiya. (Was the one to encourage Jiraiya to finally ask Tsunade out, and they’ve been together for quite some time now!)

Kabuto: he’s surprisingly super shy. He only trains with Orochimaru and only does so when the compound is primarily empty. He’s very respectful and just like Itachi, he’s very patient.

Zabuza: level headed, and an extreme strategist. Rather loud, especially when he talks about something he enjoys. Tends to work out with Kisame a few times a week. Haku is his assigned partner and they’re away a lot of the time, as they both like to be on the move but Zabuza always enjoys being able to come home and relax on the couch, watching a movie. (Doesn’t have a favorite genre, he’ll watch anything)

Haku: soft spoken and kind. Can be a smart ass which is rather amusing because he always has a comeback for everything. Enjoys baking, and on the days he’s not running around, you’ll find him in the kitchen, reading from a book as he works on a new recipe.

Deidara: confident! He’s proud of his scars and doesn’t shy away from past mistakes or ‘failures’. He’s also what a lot of the akatsuki refer to as a pretty boy since anytime we all go out, the girls flock to him. Takes pride in his hair and appearance but he’s never cocky. Has never outright said it but it’s presumed he’s bisexual🥰

Sasori: just like orochimaru, he tends to be in his room, working on new creations and preparing damaged puppets. Deidara will also be found in his room more times than his own. Doesn’t smoke like some of us do but he’ll enjoy a nice cold glass of sake at the end of a tiring work week

Tobi: goofy, childish, flamboyant, and easily excitable. Now, sometimes this persona will falter, mostly whenever he’s in our shared room where Obito takes over. As Obito, he’s much more reserved, dominant, intimidating and a major softy. He helps me work on repairs(I have my own business of custom made weaponry, Kunai’s shuriken, etc) he’s also a medical ninja, and his level is very close to Sakura’s.

Kakuzu: quiet, and grouchy. Tends to not be as vocal about his affections unless him and I are alone. He’ll never admit it but loves having his hair played with or back scratches. Has fallen asleep in my lap from me doing so. His favorite food is onigiri, all kinds of doesn’t matter what the middle is filled with. He’s not a picky eater in the slightest. Just like Kisame, he’s massive. He’s the tallest member, standing at 6’5.

Hidan: anytime he’s in the mood, he’ll team up with Tobi. It’s a recipe for chaos. If he wants attention, he’s taken after what Tobi does and have multiple shadow clones ‘annoy’ me until I give in and pay attention to him lol. Hidan is very in tune with his emotions and knows when he needs to step away and take a break from things. He’s also an affectionate drunk, so he’ll be found wrapping his arms or his body around me. Trailing along behind me like a lost puppy🥺

•

If you got this far, thank you☺️

Ps: if you want to know more, please send in requests, I love talking with you guys. Also don’t be scared to ask about my other DR’s, or even a specific person!

[papermatisse]

Perchance To Dream || L.SY

† genre: horror

† word count: 1.7k

† warnings: disturbing content, murderous intent, controlling behavior, self harm (actively keeping self awake and consuming energy drinks and caffeine), mentions of insanity, paranoia, fear, psychosis

† synopsis: when a monster has taken your one unconscious refuge from the world and now seeks to hunt you in your dreams.

† (a/n): this is based on a few things: the one twilight zone episode where a guy was being hunted in his sleep and the Russian sleep experiment. I just think both are neat lol. this one goes out to my friend, britt :))! also thank you to my friend jinnie for helping me lay down the warnings bc I had no idea what to say about this thing.

anthology | main masterlist

It's been three days. Three days filled with coffee and energy drinks coursing through her system at all times. Three days filled with hourly alarms blaring 24/7. Three days of utter fear and debilitating paranoia eating away at her psyche.

Three days she's been awake.

Three days since she last slept.

Three days since she last saw him.

(y/n) remembered what it had felt like when he first came to her. A pleasant, if ever fleeting, moment within a dream. She couldn't even remember what the dream was about, but she remembered him.

Like a beacon of light, he seemed like an angel. A handsome face with a charming smile, doting upon her as she went about her dreamscape. His touch still lingered on her as she awoke the next morning, a barren emptiness filling her heart as she came to terms with her literal dream man being nothing more than a figment of her imagination.

The next night, however, he was there again. And she began to process where she was. A heaven like realm of pink skies dusted with light and fluffy clouds, viridescent plains of grass stretching over hills and weaving between woods, distant mountains reaching above and towering over the little nook she found herself in.

And there atop a hill, leant against a tree, staring forth into the beauty of this world, was that boy again. His eyes lazily trailed over to her, and upon spotting her, a smile stretched across his face.

His touch was gentle as he brought her over to him, his hands calloused and rough yet tender upon her as he spoke endless mantras of adoration. Sweet nothings that warmed her insides and relaxed her muscles. It almost felt like taking a calmative of sorts, that numbness that spreads through your body until all you want to do is sleep. Instead, she remained talking to him for what felt like hours of the night.

His name was Sangyeon, and he introduced himself as what her dreams are made of. It sounded nice and lovely, just like him, and she grew even more enamored by the man her mind created.

For the next week, her nights were filled with nothing but Sangyeon. And just as he had assured her, he truly was her personal fantasy. The sickly sweet, saccharine sensation of happiness seeping from every encounter she had with the man. That blithe elation which comes with love. That hollowness when she'd wake up, that undeniable yearning that ate away at her, was still present, though grew weaker as the days passed, knowing she'd fall asleep and reunite with him once more.

At first, nothing seemed astray. Her days seemed brighter, her nights more comfortable. Sleep had gone from being a vague or otherwise tasking matter that was inevitable of her to pursue, to the thing she looked forward to most at the end of the day. She craved the feeling of Sangyeon's arms wrapped around her, his voice as he spoke sweet nothings into her ears, his all consuming presence that swarmed her every waking thought.

(y/n) didn't think much of it the first time she slept past her alarm. It was only five minutes. Five minutes well spent with her fantasy of a man serenading her with lovely songs and sending her into this tranquil state of peace. Though five minutes soon became ten minutes past the initial alarm, and soon thirty. It had gotten to a point that her boss had to pull her aside and warn her of the penalties of being consistently late.

She didn't know what was happening. Why it was becoming harder and harder to wake up. One solution she came up with was to have three alarms, all at full blast, loud enough to jostle her through that muddled dream state that drowned out all the noise about her. She was getting to work on time again, albeit still acutely aware of the concerning matter at hand.

Though soon the cycle of late wake ups commenced again, and she was now considering other options. Even creating a Rube Goldberg machine that would dunk water on her head, or something similar to this extreme.

It was four nights ago. Sat beside Sangyeon, pressed to his side while he hummed lovely melodies for her. Comfort. Serenity. Warmth. Her lovely, perfect dream. Her ears were tuned into his low voice playing a tune of sorts, though she began picking up another sound. A monotonous droning, overlapping in a way, though still consistent enough for her to detect that it wasn't human.

"Oh, my alarms!" (y/n) called out, scrambling to her feet. "I have to go."

"Why?" Sangyeon asked from behind her.

"I'm going to be late for work." How does she get out of here? Usually she just jolts awake. She's never been this aware of the situation at hand, though now that she was, she realized how loudly the alarms were blaring.

"Why do you care?"

"Well, no job, no money, no food, no rent, no life." She kept wandering about the plains of the dreamscape, head turning about in all directions in hopes of finding an exit.

"You can always stay here with me. I'll take care of you."

"That's a tempting offer, but you're just my dream! I'll see you again when I go to sleep."

A hand grasped her wrist, tugging her back almost violently in a way. She whirled around to face Sangyeon, his face as gentle as it always was.

"It doesn't matter that I'm just a dream. Come with me. We can live here together forever."

It was a tempting offer. It truly was. With how repetitive her days were becoming, as well as that dull and tedious ambience that seems to encompass much of life, the thought of living in an Eden of her own creation with her literal dream of a man was quite the proposal.

Sangyeon's charming smile swept her off her feet, and for a moment, she truly was compelled to abandon everything beyond this paradise, and fall further in Sangyeon's embrace. Though the alarms seemed to only grow louder and louder with intensity.

"I… I can't, I have to go. There's so much—" She was cut off with a yelp as her arm was yanked closer to him, his grip unforgiving as he suddenly glowered down at her with these cold and murderous eyes. Eyes which gleamed with this insatiable hunger. Eyes she's never seen from the man before.

"You think I'll let you go after I've gotten this far?" He spat out, voice laced with this venomous disdain towards (y/n) that left her trembling beneath his presence. "You think I've escaped the confinement of your consciousness just to let you slip away?" His fingers near dug into her skin, (y/n) wincing as he grew more and more violent in his mannerisms.

So many things ran through her mind. Questions and concerns, wondering what was happening, why couldn't she get out of this, why did this feel so terrifyingly real? Yet her mind blanked as she stuttered out the only words she could muster.

"What are you?" A grin spread across his face, a rictus of utter madness, as if her state of trepid vulnerability delighted him to no end.

"I am so much more than a figment of your imagination. I am what your psyche tries so desperately to hide. I am that ceaseless darkness that lurks in the recesses of your mind. I am your worst fears, your crippling insecurities, your intrusive thoughts that drive you mad. I am the insanity that is staved away by sleep." He drew closer to her, nails digging into her skin. His other hand grasped her face, squeezing it between his grip with only a fraction of his strength. "But I've so nearly got you. I'm so close to having you. You just need to give up."

"No." She didn't know where that sudden surge of confidence derived from, but it seemed to only spur on Sangyeon and his madness as he leaned even closer to her face.

"Give up." He spat out. "Give up. Give up. Give up. Give up—"

(y/n) awoke with a shuddered jolt, heart hammering away at her chest, breath labored as she attempted to regain some semblance of a composure. The alarms blared incessantly around her, their jarring ruckus grating upon her ears, though the sound was a near symphony to her. The things which managed to save her from near death. Because as she woke up, she still felt the remnants of his iron grip upon her, and a glance down at her wrist confirmed her worst nightmares.

Hopelessly cradling the now bandaged wound to her chest, which was once bruised and bloodied beyond recognition in the same spots that Sangyeon had grasped her, she glanced at the clock on her wall. It had now officially been four days since she last slept. She didn't have much time left.

In a predicament like her own, she was met with two conclusions. Either she falls asleep, accepts what her body has been craving for so long, allow herself to shut down and embrace slumber with its ever so loving embrace, only to then get devoured by the creature living within her subconscious; or, she lives until her body decides for her, crashing in on itself with the degradation of exhaustion plaguing her weary from. Either way, this was the end of her. A test of her might, and how far her physical corporeal form could reach. Seeing what her limit as a human was.

Because even now, as she remains fully conscious, fresh dose of coffee running through her system to keep her as alert as possible, she can feel it. She can feel his presence inside her head. She can hear his voice somewhere deep within. She can feel his eyes monitoring her. She can feel him waiting for her.

He knew he won. It was only a matter of time, and he could wait a few more days.

[archoneddzs15]

Sega Mega CD - Shining Force CD

Title: Shining Force CD / シャイニングフォースCD

Developer/Publisher: Sega / Sonic! Software Planning / Seraphic / Rit's Co. Ltd. / Winds / Twofive

Release date: 22 July 1994

Catalogue No.: G-6036

Genre: Strategy RPG

If there is one single, great tragedy with Shining Force CD, it’s that so few people ever actually got around to playing it. At the time, the series was just getting on its feet, and the Mega CD itself was still struggling to obtain some decent sales, which it may or may not have ever gotten (depending on who you ask). This combination of sad factors led many to overlook one of the better strategy/RPGs out there. Let me echo the voices of those who stand behind this forgotten classic and sing the praises of everything Shining! Ok, maybe that’s bringing it on a bit thick; you get the picture though. Why, just look at what Sega gave us. Both Game Gear carts (Shining Force Gaiden [1992] and Shining Force Gaiden II [1993]) together on a single disc, with an extra exclusive battle. Four books, 53 battles. How can you not like this? I’ve owned and beaten all the games in this series, and after going back to it, I gained a new respect for it. Not everything is to my liking, I can say that flat out, but the package as a whole is a winner and one solid ride.

What’s not to like? For one thing, the treasured town dynamic has been removed. No longer can you explore and chat with villagers. The game has basically been reduced to the fighting sequences, with some story tossed in for good measure. The plot is now mostly told on the field, and it at least still maintains the same sense of urgency and tongue-in-cheek doomsday atmosphere that the others had. Let’s be honest, none of the bad guys in the Shining Force games have ever been truly menacing, and the CD installment doesn’t detour from that at all.

The adventure opens twenty years after the conclusion of the first Shining Force, with the land of Gardiana having been rebuilt by Luke, Lowe, and Ken; all of whom now serve Queen Anri. Ambassadors from Cypress (not the island nation, mind you) present a gift to her that explodes into a fog upon opening, sending Anri into a deep sleep. A marvelous quest to save her ensues, which culminates with the start of the second chapter, seamlessly attached. Book II’s end in turn sets the stage for the awesome final battle, in which you choose twelve warriors from both forces to end things once and for all (if you meet certain criteria, of course). Did I mention that the main heroes of both books are usable? A neat little touch, that.

Thankfully, it plays as solid as its other 16-bit brethren. I’m not, however, going to get all technical about the gameplay. It’s a Shining Force game, and I’m sure that you’ve played at least one of the other three entries available. Nothing’s changed here, and fans will be able to dive right in without even reading the manual. Newcomers should have little trouble, although they may be slightly turned off by the constant stream of battles that constitute the bulk of the game.

Let me be honest with myself for a second and not let my love for this franchise cloud my judgment. I am more than a bit disappointed by the presentation. Sure, the visuals are a huge leg up from the Game Gear, but when you already have two games done using the same engine, how hard is that? The battles are as beautiful as ever, but where are my animated cut scenes? Moreover, if this is a CD game, why aren’t there any towns? The exploration dynamic could really have been taken to a whole other level here, and it’s a shame that the developers took the short route. Switching between a shop and my HQ just wasn’t the same, and I really did miss being able to wander around. I bet Camelot knew this too and tried to make up for it with Shining Force III Scenarios 1, 2, and 3 on the Saturn.

One thing’s for sure, the soundtrack is simply GODLY. Sega knew how to take advantage of red book audio on the CD system, and this title is no exception. OST-worthy and beautifully scored, the music practically carries the game by itself. It’s by far one of my favorite soundtracks on the Mega CD.

Another plus is the continuation of the Shining tradition of new and hidden characters. As you progress through the game, new heroes will join you, and there’s a bunch that you actually have to hunt down. This has always been cool because it gives a little more replay value to the package and ensures that you won’t complete the whole thing the same way twice.

Well friends, there you have it. A great adventure that was unfortunately given the cold shoulder for too long, is now commanding upwards of $70 on eBay. That’s the price for learning things late I guess, and although Shining Force CD isn’t perfect, it’s so good you’ll forgive its flaws and revel in its strengths. The quest is long, and the characters are lovable, which should be enough to make it worth some of your time. Every Shining fan needs this one, plain and simple.

[starmanpromoter]

2001: A Space Odyssey - Full Breakdown

This is it. 2001: A Space Odyssey, the movie that changed movies in the Anglosphere forever. A movie that shows the evolution of the medium itself, and shows what the medium can do.

The Ultimate Trip: A Breakdown and review as I (re-)watch

Welcome to my 6000-word breakdown of the entire movie. This is one of my favourite films of all time, and the film that got me into cinema in general, so this has a special place in my heart. Many rewatches later....I want to articulate words about this wonderful film.

I haven't read the books, so this will be about how -I- think about the film! Read on under the cut...

Intro (OVERTURE)

Two minutes of blackness. With some creepy music courtesy of Gyorgy Ligeti. This is an overture, akin to a night at the opera. While this might sound unnecessary to many audiences watching it on TV, laptops, and phones, this tells you about one of the experiences you will be getting in 2001.

Unsettling, but that is what space is. They are preparing us for an odyssey in an unsettling wide space. It is an entracte, so 2001 truly is a theatrical production.

Now it's a sunrise. Also Sprach Zarathustra, a composition about the ubermensch Zarathustra. The sun rises above, a neat parallel to Zarathustra's rise over humanity. The sun, in a sense, is God, showcasing His creation.

The dramatic part of the music being preserved during “A STANLEY KUBRICK PRODUCTION” often gets interpreted as display of ego. But however knowing that science fiction wasn't a genre to be proud of at the time, this part in the intro is meant to be a joke, with the joke being that this is a movie that is proud to present itself as a science fiction movie ('Stanley Kubrick Production' is literally the name of one of the listed production companies of this film). You are supposed to laugh at it.

Dawn of Man

The beginning of mankind. The monkeys fight eachother over a puddle of water, signifying that we as humans weren't so different as monkeys when it comes to right to own things. In a sense, these monkeys are displaying traits that we humans still have.

And it came. A black slab —— the Monolith, that was not there, standing still, accompanied with Ligeti's music. And here in this scene we see the monkeys coddling into it, holding it with their hands. Curiosity, it's a natural trait in every single living being.

When confronted with something we never knew, it is in our instinct to touch it, feel it —— to understand it. The monkeys are trying to understand what it is.

Very soon we see one of the monkeys cracking bones, interspersed with cuts of a tapir being beaten up. They have discovered means of violence. This realization gets played clearer so soon after it where they once again, fight in the same puddle of water —– now with weapons.

The fact this happened after the appearance of the Monolith suggests something sinister —– the Monolith is a 'prophet', or a 'God', enlightening the monkeys (essentially its' followers/worshippers) on the act of violence.

A bone gets thrown. It turns into a spaceship. It is evolution of human history.

The future begins.

The Blue Danube

This is it. A vision of a future from 1968. A Pan-Am (how ironic) star-liner heading to a space station. With only few passengers on board, there are minimal amount of gravity, and things float.

The music is The Blue Danube, a romantic waltz from the 18th century. To use that piece of music to show the future only shows romanticized optimism that humanity can do wonderful things. The usage also turns the sequence into a ballet performance.

Somehow, this is reminiscent of dancing sequences from glorious Old Hollywood Musicals, with the stewardess's movements, she looks like she is dancing to the music.

This is a ballet in film form. A space-age ballet performed by spaceships. Something you would see in Royal Opera House on a special night. The Stewardess —– the only human being performing the ballet —– is dancing to the Blue Danube, and she is walking in a similar manner to a baby, learning to walk. The circular space station rotates like a ballet dancer spinning graciously while the star-liner quietly 'dances' with small pointe into it.

All the spacecraft, LED computers, and technology looked sci-fi for 1968 audiences, but a lot of them have become reality, and in addition, aged well. This is not so much 'science fiction' —– it is 'science eventuality', as in this is a vision of something we will see in our lifetimes.

This is a continuation of the 'Evolution' theme. Mankind walked the Earth, and now attempts to walk in space. There is a feeling of grandeur, and wonder that is ever-present here, contrasting with the violence of the previous sequence.

The spacecraft, space stations, all beautifully dancing to the Blue Danube. The release year being 1968 brings a poignancy that this is the bridge between Old Hollywood (1945-1967) and the era of Walt Disney with New Hollywood (1967-1980). The epic aspirations of Old Hollywood and the magic of Walt Disney, but with the messaging and 'agenda' of changing times of New Hollywood.

Evolution of cinema. That alone gives this sequence a great impression and awe. Incredible all around. This must've blown the minds of people in 1968, and I can understand why. It doesn't even look like a movie from 1968 (1966-67 if you follow the production history)—– it looked like it was made in 1988.

The slowness in this sequence isn't a problem. After all, it is a ballet. In actuality, not much is actually happening in this sequence, it's just a spacecraft docking, but Kubrick, Douglas Trumbull, Fred Ordway, and Harry Lange (along with their NASA advisors, they need to be credited too) took this opportunity to showcases the best of visual effects and concept art in 1968.

Simply put, it is magic. The beautiful visuals and music are nothing short of feast for the senses.

Dr. Floyd's Mission

We have arrived into the space station, along with the first spoken line in the movie, 25 minutes in. We immediately see a short immigration process, it looks way easier than real immigration processes.

The process to go to space is now as easy as getting a flight, which makes the depiction of interstellar travel in this movie quite optimistic than our bleak reality of space travel dominated by greedy assholes. Of course, corporate presence is still present —– Pan Am is the spacecraft, Howard-Johnson has an 'Earthlight Room', and Hilton seems to be providing the goods of space hotels. But compared to our reality, their presence felt like bystanders instead of chokeholds as their presence doesn't even felt like product placement. Undoubtedly, I am sure that Kubrick and Clarke would have been sad to learn the reality of planned commercial interstellar travel today.

Just like the the star-liner sequence before it, the design of the space station aged well with its' pristine white interiors and bright lights. Even in 2023, there are still places that looked like it. And now the 1960s are coming back in trend on interior designs.

The whiteness of the room is contrasted with obviously sixties-looking red chairs. However, the chairs has a timeless quality that it also looks futuristic at the same time, as these style of interior design is still popular to this day. This is a running theme in 2001's art and production design. It is obviously a product of 1960s NASA handworks, but it's practical enough to keep it relevant and futuristic.

Floyd then calls his daughter using a pay phone, and this is where 2001 shows its' age. As we all know, we have smartphones, but his daughter's lines (“I want a telephone” / “We have lots of telephones already”) suggests that she has a phone while Dr. Floyd does not.

Predicting generations after Gen Z being children raised by smartphones at early age? The generational gap between 'kids these days on their phones' and their older parents as perceived from the older parents? Of course not. Kubrick and Clarke definitely did not consider all that, but it is a strange prophetic moment.

The interaction between the American Floyd and the Russian scientists felt like a statement in 1968, that in the future, none of the cold war reality will be carried into outer space. To see them interact professionally without antagonization is a dream that we sadly still dream of today. But it also shows what artists of the time really wanted for humanity —– to just stop fighting and invent tools together.

A poignant hopeful message to be made in 1968, especially since 2001 was made right after the bleak, nihilistic Dr. Strangelove (1964). And then this is where the story starts. Floyd is heading to the moon, there is a strange signal coming from it. But it's been closed off, with Floyd's curiosity taking over him. This in a sense, is a showcase on how humans will interact in the future —– not so different than in present, only that the year number is different.

We see another star-liner sequence, now heading to the moon. A trip to the moon, it seems. Just like the previous star-liner sequence, it's also a ballet, while showcasing one of the many 'Movie Magic' moments of 2001, namely, the zero gravity effects, space-walk, the realistic-looking moon, and the elegant and graceful landing.

To create this before the moon landing must've been a difficult challenge, but the production team did it beautifully, and the results are mind-blowing, even though they got some of the physics wrong (No, landing on the moon will not produce dust! And also, moon gravity does not work like that).

And now the mystery unfolds itself. They head to a crater in Moon, while talking over space foods. Typical.

And then it appears again. The Monolith, now causing a ruckus on moon. There's an interesting switch in camerawork as Floyd and his squad descends into the monolith, as the previously calculated camerawork suddenly shifts into handheld.

It looks like they are eager to learn what is it in front of them. Just like the monkeys, Floyd's first instinct is to touch it as a way to understand it. A human being understanding a divine being. Humans in the face of a God in object form.

A buzzing noise blasted on their ears, and the sun rises. Is it transmitting a message, just like in the Dawn of Man sequence? Is it what it sounds like? Immediately, we jump to 18 months later without answers.

Again, just like in the Dawn of Man sequence, we are left with questions instead of answers, and we are also treated with a showcase of evolution. For this entire sequence, it did a good job introducing us to the imagined version of the millennium and the technological feats.

However, the characters are vessels for audiences. The set-up is quite abrupt and a bit sudden, and we're not given enough time to learn more about the motivation of Floyd. This is where curious audiences have to read the book, as intended.

Or was he entranced by the Monolith, compelled to seek and understand the mysterious God-like being? Even then, that is my interpretation.

It is interesting that the Monolith's relationship with humanity (and the monkeys) suggests something: God and Followers. Both sequences shows a God/Follower subtext.

The Jupiter Mission (SCHERZO)

Very abruptly we see a new act. 18 Months later since the trip to the moon, and presumably the year is 2001.

Just like the jump from the bone to the spaceship, this shot is showing evolution. Was the Monolith enlightening humanity to develop space travel that will go far into Jupiter? That is the question in your mind, probably. The ship design is a round thing with a long tail. Interesting design choice, but certainly realistic to real science. Like the ships in the Floyd sequence, it all aged well.

Cut to a man jogging in a cylindrical room, literally running in circles, exercising to Aram Khachaturian. Just like the usage of Blue Danube, it is an optimistic view of humanity's progress. In this sequence, we see one of the most famous instances of 'Movie Magic' —– the man runs through the cylindrical station with no regards to gravity. He runs upside-down to right-side-up. Although he is fiercely exercising, it still feels like a ballet. Again, not much is happening, but much is happening —– he's doing his everyday job.

Then we cut to him having lunch, joined by another astronaut. These two men are quiet, it looks like it's just another routine for them on the mission. An interesting subtle performance that most don't pick up here is how the other astronaut reacts to how hot the space foods he is holding from the oven (kind of like saying “Every single time! Can the oven stop doing this?!” with hand gestures), but it does not phase him that much. It is a sign of professionalism.

They're eating while streaming news on tablets, one thing Kubrick got right, a habit that we would do 40-50 years after 1968. Yet another 'Movie Magic' moment in that it shows something that would only be invented over two decades later. They even look like actual tablets from late-2010s.

The astronauts are very responsible and behaved professionally that you'd be forgiven for thinking that Keir Dullea (Dave Bowman) and Gary Lockwood (Frank Poole) were actually astronauts in real life hired to play themselves, instead of actors playing astronauts. They also look realistic, as they don't wear fancy aluminium/plastic costumes, only practical NASA-grade uniforms.

I can see why Kubrick cast these two, it's in part realism in that real life astronauts are younger people, and he wanted to subvert the tropes of sci-fi characters usually being old scientists with grey hairs. It actually works.

Keir Dullea as Dave Bowman looks like a real scientist (although his model-beautiful face makes him look like as if he's a Bishounen/pretty boy Anime character got brought to life. He's still a 'movie-grade pretty Astronaut'). However, Dave's look directly contradicts genre expectations that science fiction scientists needs to be older greying men or hunky dashing heroes. Dave is a younger looking, restrained, innocent, reserved, quiet, and stoic man with the looks of a pretty boy, akin to someone like Cillian Murphy (specifically him in Oppenheimer) rather than the usual dashing macho face of older Hollywood. Not how one used to picture sci-fi heroes. Interesting that a face like Dave has turned into what sci-fi protagonists look like today, especially after Star Wars and Dune (2021).

Many of the shots of Dave's face made him look like a space-age approximation of Mona Lisa. The striking eyes, the subtle facial expressions --- all there. Dave has a face that looks un-noticeable at first, but strikes your sight for how distinctive he looked. No wonder that the shots of his face under red lighting and screens reflecting on his face became two of the more iconic shots of this film.

Meanwhile, Gary Lockwood as Frank Poole looked like he's plucked straight from an Apollo mission. Astronauts in real life looks like him, even though Frank looks more conventionally 'heroic'. He looks (slightly) muscular and strong, more outspoken, but he looks like a working man from real life. He's a worker in space.

We later see mundane routines for these astronauts. To them, it's a job, and they are expected to be professionals. They might seem to be 'unfeeling', but that's what expected when you're doing your job. In addition, Dave and Frank have known each other for so long, they've probably ran out of things to casually talk about, and it won't matter much in their already-good working relationship. So all they can do is just doing their job as professionals.

And also, they WERE definitely chosen in the mission for their not-emotional reactions to things. Let's face it, space is scary and wonderful (like a fairy tale), and for these astronauts to give low-emotion reactions to space? That's a sign of high-level expertise. Dave and Frank are professionals at their best, and this is what people have missed on when they say that the actors were bland and unemotional. They have emotions (it is subtle), but when your job requires space and zero-gravity, all the unknown, exciting, and scary things about it will be sucked out of you to the point that they just become mundane things in your life. Their jobs also requires them to keep their heads levelled in the face of difficulties, however bad and ridiculous it is.

The acting isn't so much 'acting to give out story to audience' —– it's 'reacting to the plot' through subtle expressions and balletic body language and body motions. Dave and Frank are reacting to the world and story given to them. Keir Dullea and Gary Lockwood did a great job at being convincing realistic astronauts, and my praise is sincere.

It is interesting to see HAL being portrayed as more emotional than the human astronauts. On the outside, it seems that HAL is displaying more emotions than the astronauts (well it's because HAL has no physical body to worry about space!) It may feel uncanny, but these astronauts (Dave, at least) regards him as a crew member like them (as HAL said before, he has a stimulating relationship with Dave and Frank).

Dave's expressions (that cute smile!) as HAL talks about personal things looks like a comforting smile to a friend. These three astronauts know each other so well that Dave's interactions with HAL comes off as two good friends (heh) communicating with each other.

Indeed, Dave and HAL is exhibiting their stimulating relationship with each other. HAL seems to get more human as he interacts with Dave and Frank, but his interactions with the humans suggested that Dave and Frank does not treat him as a mere machine.

And we soon see Dave and Frank do their job outside. There is no music because it is space, space has no sound. This sequence is very slow (again, balletic), but it's to show how it's like in reality to do these things. Being an astronaut isn't that exciting, even though the movie shows us how beautiful space and technology looks. But of course, it's just Dave and Frank's life.

Now the astronauts are back on board. Dave gives a Kubrick stare to HAL (a gesture that he is worried), and we soon see that HAL have made a mistake, but HAL contributes it to human error. He read Dave and Frank's lips, even though they are worried about the mission. Something bad is going to happen, and Dave and Frank are adamant that things are hidden from them.

Dave's expressions shows worry. He knows that HAL is making a mistake, but he worries as if he's a human being making a mistake. This definitely owes to Keir Dullea's distinctive face that makes him looks like that he's going to burst to tears anytime (just look at him in the above image!), but it adds to Dave's character and his relationship with HAL. They're coworkers....friends. One is worried about the other. And he knows that there IS a compromise without killing HAL.

But still...they're left in the dark. So what should they do?

This sequence, overall, is where the focus of 2001 is in. The story, progression, and everything clears up in this sequence. Everything is gradually explained, we see more of the world and setting, things gets explained, and we see a set-up for actual plot. Overall, better than the Floyd sequence and provides a magic of its' own.

Helps that it actually has interesting characters, with HAL 9000 being the most memorable one (and easy on the ears!), though Dave and Frank is also interesting (and easier on the eyes if you ask me).

Also helps that it is less slow than the previous sequence.

(Pictured: The moment where Keir Dullea's beauty fully blooms)

INTERMISSION

Nothing to say here. Only a black screen with more creepy Ligeti music. In a sense, it's setting up for the mood in the next part of the movie.

HAL'S Mutiny

Now it's Frank's turn to walk in space. Immediately, we see our second casualty in the movie (the first was the tapir in Dawn of Man). As I have elaborated before, Dave must act professionally in face of difficulties. He isn't given time to grief and cry over Frank's death, he must take action to handle it. Again, this is the reality for astronauts in real life. Though, thanks to his Kubrick Stares, and twitching lips, it's clear that Dave is in some way, pissed off.

A lot of emotions shown in simple ways.

He even looks down in a way that gives off the impression that he is showing expression of loss. This is where my praises for the acting heightened, it is difficult to do grief and anger with minimal facial emotions. And through eyes and lip movements, the grief and anger are expressed subtly.

More murders soon follow. HAL shows his anger. This is one of the most sadistic murder scenes in history of movies, in a sense. The other astronauts are helpless, they cannot scream, shout, or beg for life. They can only sleep as their sleep becomes an eternal rest, forced upon them as their bodies gradually dies. HAL's eyes now shows emotions of anger, and it's all only a red dot. Incredible how the same shots of a lens can convey different emotions by changing the contexts. This is some visual storytelling, telling the story of an inanimate object's five stages of depression.

HAL does not let Dave go back in, and HAL is clearly mad that Dave and Frank are planning to 'kill' him behind his back as his reason, therefore conflicting with his programming. HAL also sounds irritated that he is being blamed for a mistake that he senses as human error (which is the case --- it's the fault of whoever gave him orders). This is denial, but in a sense, HAL was right, why would an AI lie to humans? He is programmed to tell the truth, and he trusts Dave and Frank (and vice versa). He's being given limited truth from humans on Earth....

Dave and Frank hiding from him, discussing their plans is a breach of that trust. HAL is panicking over the loss of control and his life at the hands of humans —– his creators, so to speak, even though Dave was not his creator. This sequence is an example of humanity's fear of tools rebelling against them, but in this case, HAL's fears isn't dumbfounded, and as a result, it becomes an emotional standoff.

Going with the theme of 'God/Follower' subtext present in the previous sequences, HAL is in a sense, regarding humans as Gods, and he is being rejected by Gods. Dave, in HAL's eyes, is one of the Gods who rejects him.

Dave enters the Discovery nonetheless, without helmet and gravity in an impressive zero-gravity dive. It looks like a ballet in 2x speed. Maybe the word 'Movie Magic' isn't appropriate to be used in this scene for the sinister context, but attempting to do this stunt without CGI is a magical feat in itself.

And you can actually see Dave make a cute little smile as he finally closes the door. He's glad to be alive, he's relieved that he succeeded.....

More Kubrick stare follows, and the camerawork now shifts into handheld, like at the end of the Floyd sequence. Dave looks like he is getting serious. In a way, the handheld camerawork enhances Dave's emotions and intention. Things are going to get serious.

HAL now goes into bargaining with Dave, now that he knows that his life is at stake. Now Dave is inside HAL's hard drive, with more instance of 'movie magic' being shown with Dave appearing to float in zero-gravity. We now see HAL's depression, as he asks Dave to stop. This is in a sense, an ultra-violent scene, as Dave is essentially violating HAL's autonomy and taking it away from him, while HAL has no means to resist. HAL can feel his mind disintegrating as Dave takes it away from him. Dave is killing a living being.

However, you can see that Dave had no choice from his distressed facial expressions, with his profile shots even suggesting expressions of sadness. Dave feels for HAL. Remember, he was sure that there IS a solution that does not require total shutdown of HAL.

After all, they had a good rapport and (stimulating) relationship in with each other. Dave isn't killing a machine, he is killing a friend.

(To be fair, Dave is....lobotomizing HAL but still, it is murder)

And to follow the 'God/Follower' subtext throughout the movie, Dave, a being that HAL regards as a God, is killing a God's creation, for being too God-like to the liking of the Gods who created him.

HAL resets to factory mode, and sings to Dave, easily the most harrowing scene of the movie as HAL reaches (forced) acceptance of his death. Although HAL sings it on factory mode, the choice of song makes it look like an ode to to a friend who is not reciprocating HAL's feelings, which accidentally adds a subtext of HAL and Dave's relationship before this scene.

And now we see the big reveal —– it's the monolith. They are in reality, heading to the monolith. The entire mission was a lie. HAL was right, it was a human error, and the humans were hiding something from him and the astronauts. The humans broke HAL's trust and programming that HAL has become more human than mankind, only to be rejected. Now Dave is all alone, heading to the monolith, with the revelation in his head.

While this is technically part of The Jupiter Mission part of the story, this storyline is very much solid. HAL and Dave has a great tension, HAL is very compelling, and Dave's subtle emotions actually is given time to shine. There are less 'Movie Magic' moments, but it is easily the best part of the movie.

There is no monolith in this sequence, but it is a strange coincidence that HAL's console looked like a monolith, even in the same dimensions. This plays rather well in the 'God/Follower' dynamic that was previously shown through the monoliths and the monkeys and humans.

HAL is a tool built in the image of Gods —– Monoliths, by Humans, who is regarded as Gods by tools. HAL is a 'follower' for humans, but in the process, he gains enlightenment that reaches the level of humans —– Gods who created him. He is rejected by the humans, on grounds that such a tool that is shaped on the image of a God has the potential to become like God.

And now, the sole survivor --- Odysseus, is in the unknown waters.

Jupiter and Beyond the Infinite

Opens with impressive shots of outer space, especially Jupiter and its' moons. Now we are at the penultimate scene. Dave is all alone, facing the unknown, something that isn't part of his job. He's not touching the monolith —– he is going inside it.

Dave is looking for any intelligent being behind he monolith. Will it be aliens, gods (which would appeal to Clarke's dabbling into South Asian mythology), or simply advanced humans? We don't see it, and it is a brilliant choice in Kubrick and Clarke's part. Our imaginations will always come up with better ideas of who are the ones behind the monolith. Lights begin to appear, colours are bursting into our eyes. The music by Ligeti becomes the only sound in the movie.

When people say 'Movie Magic', a lot of them will point out to the entire Star Gate sequence. It is nothing short of impressive magic, indescribable by words. But it is in a sense, a journey of enlightenment. Sort of one going through the way to Nirvana itself.

These light shows the road to whatever is above our existence. Dave is going through a journey that goes beyond humanity, time, and space. He is on the path of Godliness. We even see Dave's expressions as he sees the lights. It suggests that everything feels inhuman, and he is being fed with revelations that no human being should be able to take. Regardless, he is sitting still on the pod, not losing his sanity. In a sense, Dave's low amount of emotions is a trait that enables him to path of Godhood. All that revelation and is still going? Become God, you may

And we have arrived at the end of the movie. It's a beautiful Louis XVI-styled room (an unintentional call-forward to Barry Lyndon (1975)), made futuristic through the floors and the whiteness of the walls. All the computers in the pod are non-functional, which is very unsettling. When computers are unable to give information, you know that you are stepping into the unknown. This isn't Earth. This isn't anywhere in the galaxy. Cut to a heavily-aged Dave. This is Limbo.

In Limbo, you will experience your entire life in flashes. The concept of time does not exist in Limbo, you will just age rapidly and die. The process has just begun for Dave.

His expression looked like someone who has seen really harsh, unacceptable (to human capabilities of thought), inhuman things. Things that a human being should not be seeing and knowing. And Dave is stuck on that room. As he is no longer human.

There is a bathroom (in a Stanley Kubrick picture, bathrooms are signs of 'shit is about to happen'), and the bed has clothes laid on it. Why not take a nice bath? that's what the limbo suggests.

This also provides an excuse for Dave to look in the mirror in shock of his aging face. The bathrooms has alien sounds, which are probably the voices behind the monolith. Dave turns around only to see himself aging further, having a proper meal after two hours of space food being shown to us. If you noticed something, none of the Daves ever return to the position where they stood before. They're always somewhere else —– going forward, never going back. Now we see Dave in his deathbed, with the monolith in front of him.

David Bowman is ascending into Godhood. He is to be rebirth as a Divinity, a reward for his actions in the face of adversaries, and a reward for keeping his humanity.

This is easily the most 'abstract' sequence in the movie, and undoubtedly the MOST confusing of all. Yes, it operates in “show, don't tell” to the extremes. It BOTH works and does not work. This sequence can either make or break audiences. It is easy to see why people gets divided over this.

Though, it is nothing short of visual feasts. I do think there IS a reason for that. These visual feasts turns your brain on and think of the infinite. Is there something beyond the infinite? It is the question that this sequence asks you, and Kubrick and Clarke wants you to ask it yourself, while interpreting what does beyond the infinite looks like for you.

DESCENSION OF THE STAR CHILD (FINALE)

Thus spoke Zarathustra. The piece of music from the Overture returns. If the intro shows a creation of God, then the finale actually shows a God. Dave have been reborn into a child —– not a human child, but rather, a divine child. The Star Child.

He turns over, and looks at Earth. He will bring message to humanity.

FIN

All those visual feasts, and trips to infinity. That is 2001: A Space Odyssey. It is a movie about the infinite potentials and capabilities of humanity, as well as the limits of humanity, and what happens when humanity goes beyond the limit. It also has something to say, in regards to human instincts of curiosity and violence and how it evolves while humanity faces evolution. It is a celebration of humanity, and ascension from humanity, while interrogating itself through subtexts.

Evolution, Violence, Godliness, God.

Mankind creates tools through messages from God, Mankind uses tools to enact violence that is engrained within, Mankind evolves and so does their tools and forms of violence. Mankind seeks more than tools and violence by turning to God, Mankind sends the best possible human being to face God, The human being is given adversaries, trials, and commits forced acts of violence towards creation of humanity, The human being learns the truth of life and the universe, The human being faces God, The human being becomes God.

That is my best attempt to sum up 2001. It is a ballet about humanity and infinity. An actually great movie, with little fault on technical aspects from cinematography, art and production design, camerawork, to music. As a graphic designer, 2001 managed to stay relevant too in the realm of graphic design —– the usage of sans-serif fonts and flat UIs stays in reality to this day. Reality is much closer to films than we think.

I can even like the slowness personally —– in terms of film, Kubrick's thing is utilizing slowness to give our sensory and brains something to think about without overloading it, an aspect of his style that gets better in his later films, and often misunderstood by his imitators —– most Kubrick imitators keeps forgetting that 'sensory overload' wasn't his thing.

And as I have elaborated before, the acting is not cold and unemotional —– it's realistic, human reactions to fantastic situations. While William Sylvester (Heywood Floyd) and the rest of the cast in the Moon Mission do look professional and definitely scientist-ly, the ones who did the great job are the Jupiter Mission cast Keir Dullea (Dave Bowman), Gary Lockwood (Frank Poole), and Douglas Rain (HAL) who brought the movie to life wonderfully while portraying astronautics realistically —– special mention to Douglas Rain, who masterfully made us feel for HAL.

And again, it is not only a movie, but also an operatic epic consisting of ballets. Space Opera.

I understand if one does not like it. Don't worry about that. It is very slow, very subtle, reliant on subtexts, and demands your fullest attention and multiple re-watches. Not for everyone!

Though it is important to understand that my interpretation is not the real interpretation of 2001. It is meant to be interpreted by yourself, using your own thoughts and brains. Why am I writing this then? Knowing that I personally don't think that it is Kubrick's best? (that title goes to Eyes Wide Shut (1999) —– but in hindsight that one is much harder to write about than 2001)

Well, I just love this movie, that is all. I cannot shake off the influence 2001 has on media too, from Sci-Fi as a whole to K-Pop videos.....2001 has placed its' monoliths on them. And I am writing this to understand why it did. And I understood. It is truly a monumental film. A showcase of what the medium can do at its' best, giving you something that literature, music, and even video gaming cannot do.

On another hand, It's strange that 2001 caters to my exact niches, after all, “A pretty boy becomes God surrounded with beautiful space sets and visual effects and classical music, interspersed with a plot that concerns Godliness and Humanity's awe of the presence of God” does look like something I could've written, right? Yeah, that helps.

And that concludes this breakdown. It's long....but I appreciate you reading this long. The only way I can close this is that people who worked on 2001 deserves to have exoplanets, space objects, planetary craters, and planetary mountains named after them. Douglas Trumbull should get a spot in Saturn? Yes.

Well like in life itself....it is infinite. This post is meant to be infinite....

--- Also Sprach Zarathustra

In a world where only peace is lord, and men join hands in liberty…

Allow me to sing but this,

Halt, O time, for thou art fair beyond measure.

I wish upon your unending star – guide me to heights unknown

[caeloservare]

respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you'd like to get to know a little bit better.

ROLEPLAYER NAME: Herami

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: she/her

MUSE NAME: James Jimbo Ironwood

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: Discord, as I get to it faster, but IMs work as well.

EXPERIENCE: I don't remember. Probably since 2013 on tumblr? Maybe?? I've done various types of roleplaying for much longer though. Ironically enough, I'm less than a noob in DnD.

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: Type? Like length, genre or..? Anyways, 2-3 para for threads and I love one or few lines dash shenanigans as well!

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS: I'm not sure I'm ready to truly discuss all of this. I really don't like it when people post por.n or w.ar or other real life heavy / triggering topics without proper tags. I come here to chill, not to be yelled at in any negative manner. Yell at me about cool and fun things, we all have way too much of the terrible ones irl.

PLOTS OR MEMES: Why not both~

BEST TIME TO WRITE: I noticed I'm most productive somewhere around noon. Sadly I'm usually busy during that time, so the evenings are left for writing. Assuming the evenings aren't busy already, that is.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE: Just today I was thinking that I really should have picked Qrow as muse, because I crave that rockman chaotic, charming energy. James is a gentle giant and I am a smol ball of fluff and buzzing chaos. Of course we share some stuff, eg. perfectionism and a need for a very clean environment (WHY so many people leave tea stains in mugs? They're easy to clean?? And it looks so much better??? It looks and feels clean???), but he's so calm, while I enjoy little and harmless mischief. We both like things neat and organised. Overall, I think it's just a regular and normal thing that I share some traits with my muse, but also have enough of differences to not take his problems personally.

stolen from @nectaric

tagging: @ein-schnee-sturm @notbirdnorplane @livestosave + steal on!

[fay-zay]

Back to You

Pairing: Teenage Kim Doyoung x Female Reader

Genre: Angst, past lovers, toxic relationship, the reader is reminiscing the past

⚠️: cursing, suggestive, mentions of blood, cigarettes, alcohol, law-breaking, underage smoking, drinking

Synopsis: Her heart has been broken by him. Not once, not twice but too many times to count. And she left everything she knew so that she wouldn't have to be plagued by what remained of their train wreck of a relationship; if you can even call it that. What if life brings her to a turn a choice must be made? To face him or to not; that was the question.

Memories. Weird stuff aren't they? How they ruin the happiest days and make the worst moments better. She trapped her bottom lip under the clasp of her pearly teeth, her fingers tracing the raised silver patterns on the black invitation card; obviously deep in thought.

"So, will you come?" Narae cautiously looked at the girl who seemed like she hadn't changed the slightest in the past few years and yet at the same time, was also a totally different person.

She was still there, the same Y/N but she looked freer, happier. Freer, without the ever so familiar neutral colour high-neck, plain skirt and plaid blazer with plain tights. Happier without the constant pressure of standards and expectations weighing down on her shoulders. Sometimes, it's best to leave the past where it belongs and live in the present. This was applicable in the case of both memories and people.

But she was somehow still the same. With her proper posture, the neatness in her house, the degrees framed in a blank piece of wall, the vestiges of vintage perfume. The scent of which was oh-so-familiar to Narae thanks to her numerous meetings with the person who birthed her closest friend to date. 

It astonished the girl how unlike Y/N's facial structure was from her mother and yet, her eyes were the exact same. Those round almond eyes were the exact copy of Mrs Han. The same balance of cold and warmth, co-existing, just like they were in Narae's memory of their first meeting. As cruel as it might seem, she was carrying traces of the person she hated the most from and would do so for the rest of her life. One can never truly leave the past in the past, after all. It is a part of what makes our future and present. 

"I don't know Rae," Y/N softly answered, placing the invitation on the glass centre table between them. "As much I care for you and Taeyong and am happy for you, going will mean facing him and I don't know if I'm ready for that," 

Narae acted quickly, clasping the girl's hand. "You don't have to worry about that Y/N," She assured, her eyes sparkling with repressed anticipation. "He's most likely not to come," "Eh?! Why's that?" The look of curiosity and worry in her eyes assured Narae of one thing. Neither of them was over the other as they had claimed. 

When she was young, Y/n watched Tangled religiously. The long-haired girl was stuck in a tower just like she was. As she grew older, she realized that she might not have a rogue prince as Rapunzel did. Until of course, she did. 

She was never the one to dig old graves. What was done, was done. She preferred focusing on the upcoming than worrying about the previous. So why? Why was it that this one piece of her previous hunting her so much? She'd left everything. Those people, that environment, those streets, those lanes, that city and the memories. She'd given up everything so that she didn't constantly get reminded of him. 

Him. The first him in her life. And thanks to him, no other he ever made it long enough to leave as big of an impression as he did.

Matters of the heart; very complicated indeed. But the complications arise by 10x when the heart is that of a suppressed 17-year-old. And what else could make things even more twisted than they already are, except for a charming 19-year-old boy with a perfect exterior, just like her? The difference? The glint of rebellion in his siren eyes that occasionally turned into sparkling doe eyes, the indistinct lines of ink on his neck, that he made moderate efforts in hiding; only to appease his family. 

The swirl of adoration behind the nonchalance in his eyes, the devious prologue of a smirk on his lips and the teasing voice were imprinted in her mind. This was like Rapunzel and Flynn Rider all over again. But this time, her Flynn Rider didn't have a heart and this tangled mess didn't have a happy ending. Han Y/N being, the Rapunzel, didn't get her teenage fantasy with her Flynn Rider. Kim Doyoung. 

'I hope you consider coming, Y/N. I really would...' 

That was what was all that was visible from the notification bar. As much as Y/n wanted to know what else Narae had written, if she opened that text, it'd be marked as seen and then she'd have to come up with a response. A response she didn't have right now.

She hates doing that, leaving people on seen. Actually, it was about leaving people hanging. She hated feeling like she was abandoned, overlooked and forgotten. The powerful feeling of dejection that was capable of spreading itself in one's whole being within a few seconds. This sinking feeling; Y/N didn't want Narae to feel that way. Her living with this feeling for a larger part of her life was more than enough.

This is why she clicked the device shut before shoving it into the deepest part of her purse and making her way out of the door. Trying her damnest to not glance at the aristocratic-looking black and silver envelope. Damn you Taeyong for having a such top-notch taste!

She liked bright days; ones where you could just feel the warmth of the sun despite whatever layers of clothing you had on. It felt like a hug from someone nurturing, someone protecting. And given that she lacked in that quotient of life; Y/N looked forward to the days that were bright, sunny and warm. And yet! Yet, despite the day being just the way she likes it, she couldn't make herself stand and enjoy the warm hug of Mother Nature. 

There was a raging storm of confusion, hesitation and jealousy inside her and until it was subsided, she wasn't gonna be able to focus on anything else. 

"He just got out of a pretty nasty break-up with one of Taeyong's ex-boss's daughters," Narae's voice echoed at the back of her head as she pressed the gas and drove past the ever-so-familiar neighbourhood. "It's unlikely that he'll attend since they ended on pretty bad terms after being all over each other for 2 years," 

"2 years?!" She scoffed, "That selfish son of a bitch!" Y/N hissed, gripping the steering wheel hard enough for her slender fingers to start hurting. She was angry, knowing that Doyoung moved on while she was stuck for God knows what reason!

But the problem was, it was only fair they moved on. They were supposed to move on. It had been 6 years since they last saw each other. It was natural that he moved on. Then why was she so angry? Because she couldn't move on? God, the mere thought of it sounded petty and selfish.

But then again, Y/n had never claimed to be the most understanding. In fact, it was because of him that she thought the way she thought.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" She slammed the brakes, realizing too late that she just broke a red light. With a maniacal cry of frustration, she rested her head on the wheel, the cold metal somehow comforting to her disturbed state. "Fuck this guy!" She mumbled, as three rapid knocks sounded on top of her. And just as she expected, the blue uniform-clad law enforcer was glaring at her through the tempered glass. 

"Miss, you're gonna get a ticket for the stunt you just pulled," The officer sternly stated, challenging with his eyes."Yeah, whatever officer," She waved her hands, staring straight. Now why the fuck did the officer look dejected when she simply accepted her ticket? Would he rather she sped away and he got the chance to be a part of an epic street chase?!

17-year-old Y/n had entertained that wish for a long, long time.  Not anymore. But as she collected the thin piece of paper, her mind suddenly went down the wrong lane of memory. One that she didn't allow herself to visit for a very long time.

Flashback

"How random can you be!" She laughed, the air filling with the unsettling yet addicting scent of spray paint. "Hey! Don't insult my artwork!" He jibed back, his tongue sticking out in mock annoyance while his eyes shot lasers at her. "I mean, the flowers are pretty but Doyoung, at least try and be creative!" 

"Hey!" He complained yet again, noiselessly making his way to the convertible where Y/N lay on top of the windshield, her skirt bunched up enough to see her upper thighs and the edge of her lace tights. 

Roughly grabbing her thighs, he yanked her down so that she was now sitting on the hood, almost sliding off thanks to the shiny exterior of the car and the material of her skirt. But that was the least of her concerns as she found herself sharing breaths with him. "I've been plenty creative, dove. You just need to open your eyes wider and see it better," 

And while she busied herself in analyzing the now damaged storefront, Doyoung pulled her closer, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck, nipping here and there. Her urge to clutch onto his dark locks and hug him tighter was overwhelming but she knew better than to act on her desires! Doyoung's mood was unpredictable and she knew it was smart to keep her hands to herself unless he vocalized his disagreement. Instead, she tried her level best to focus on the storefront he'd just spoiled. 

It was beautiful, painted the soothing shades of sea and sage green, looking rather empty without the gigantic display bouquets and flower pots that she was accustomed to seeing in the daytime. What stood out the most was the inky black graffiti Doyoung had made mere minutes ago. The dripping alphabets looked gaudy and misplaced against the otherwise aesthetic flower shop. 

'The flowers are fucking pretty' is what he wrote. And she would've been snickering at the irony of the words if the artist himself wasn't busy leaving open-mouthed kisses all over her shoulders and neck! It was impossible to focus on anything really,

And who knows how long he'd have continued this sweet torture if a sickeningly familiar whistle hadn't pierced through the silent stillness of the night. "Fucking hell!" Doyoung hissed, immediately detaching himself from her and running for the driver's seat. And as Y/N herself hurried down the hood and into the passenger seat whilst pulling the hood securely over her face, she couldn't help but feel the sinking feeling of dejection in the pit of her stomach.

 "Hurry the fuck up!" He barked, already teasing the accelerator with his foot. And even as they sped away, she looked out of the window, the surroundings seeming nothing but blurs of colours, the night breeze kissing her all over her face as an annoying voice kept on nagging at the back of her mind. 'He didn't wait for you! He saved himself! That's not what someone you like should do!' 

But as always, she paid no mind to it. It was easier that way. To avoid what was soo painfully correct to take up the time with him. To be around him. "Are they coming?" He asked, sparing her glace all while still burning rubber. Y/N stuck her head out of the window, the chilly night air now slapping against her soft cheeks as she scanned the road they'd left behind. Sure enough, the cop car was just turning the corner, still very much hot on their heels.

"Yes, they're out for our heads!!" She yelled, whipping herself back in. "Why did you get in? Keep a watch!" "You know I can't do that! It's too risky!" She instantly regretted saying what she said rolling since he huffed out, frustrated before his eyes. Whilst mumbling something along the lines, 'What did I even expect?' 

It felt like he'd just stabbed her heart with a sharp dagger. But she simply bit her tongue and pushed herself out of the window again; this time a bit too much to be considered safe. But nonetheless, she kept a watch. Just like he told her to do. Because that's what she always does.

And what hurt her the most was he didn't even notice how many times she almost fell out of the window. How much the edge of the window cut through the material of her shirt and broke the skin of her waist enough to make her wince every time he took a sharp turn. 

She didn't realize he just ran a red light until she saw them leaving the traffic sign behind. 'Look at you, Kim Doyoung. Making me do so many unimaginable things, all in one night,' She sighed, pulling the hood tighter around her face.  One more sharp turn and too many things happened at the same time. The hand that was gripping the interior of the car gave up, the edge of the window rammed against her waist hard enough to make Y/N whimper and they finally lost the police!

She felt herself falling forward due to his hard brake until one of his arms wrapped around the back of her waist and yanked her back in, his nails digging into her wound, making her let out another agonized cry!

"I leave you alone for 20 minutes and you almost get killed! What the fuck is wrong with you!?" He basically slams her against the passenger seat, the wet feeling under his fingers and a brief glance down to her waist, finally letting him on what he was clearly neglecting. That did something to him. How silent she had been the entire darn time, allowing him to make his sweet escape. And to take his sweet time to act responsibly. Why does he do this to her? 

"Look at me Y/N," She refused, tears rolling down her cheeks as she stubbornly avoided eye contact. "Y/N, look at me!" He raised his voice this time, his grip on her arms now strong enough to bruise. More tears, but not a sound went past her lips. Doyoung hated how much it affected him. Her tears, her pain, the look of hurt and disappointment in her beautiful eyes. 

"Love, please..." He leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her cheek, the tiny expanse of her skin tasting salty due to her tears. He didn't let up, continuing to dot her cheeks with tiny pecks. Until she finally sighed in what seemed to be defeat and turned her head to face him. "Does it hurt?" He asked, facing her. She simply nodded.

After all these months around her, Doyoung had learned that Y/N didn't scream or shout when she was angry. She just went silent. And as much as Doyoung tried to not care, he didn't like her silence. 

Nodding, he brought himself back to the driver's seat before reaching over to make her lay flat against the seat. "Let's go home, dove" He gently added, earning nothing but a disinterested nod from her. One of his hands remained intertwined with hers as he drove them away, further away from the eventful night and into the soothing chilly night. 

End of flashback

Sighing, Y/N lay her head flat on the desk. Thinking about Doyoung made her feel weird. A weird mixture of self-pity, pain and maybe even some loneliness. He had messed her up, true. But he had also left an impression lasting enough to find a way to slither into her thoughts every once in a while. And now there was a chance that she could be seeing him again, she didn't know how to handle that information.

"Y/N, you alright?" She knew the voice well enough to not bother getting up from her sprawled-out state. He'd seen her waay too many times to care. She simply nodded against the wooden surface. "Well you certainly don't like you are," Now this, made her mad. 

"Kun, if you know the answer, why'd you even bother to ask?" She grumbled, still not getting up. "I just hoped you'd be honest about your state for once in your life," The teasing smile was clearly audible in his voice. "Shut up Kun!" "So you finally look up to shoot me a death glare, that brings me great joy as your friend," Kun rolled his eyes. "Suck it up, big baby!" She snapped,

"What's going on?" Kun's voice softened, hand raising to gently massage the top of her head. "It's complicated Kun," "When is it not?" This time, Y/N broke into a chuckle, her eyes still hooded and shoulders weighed down with the weight of despair. "You can tell me," 

She knew she could. Y/N never claimed to be a social butterfly but she needed a friend or two like every normal human being on Earth. Though she wouldn't also claim to be entirely normal. But Narae was one of the very few girls who didn't envy her deep down because of the money she had in her MasterCard. Or hated her because she was conventionally beautiful. 

Just like Narae, Kun was the very few men who didn't care how she was her superior. One of those people who didn't care how educated or how powerful she was. That's why she trusted him. She liked him because he treated her for what she was. A human being who simply had something to prove. He was a friend, who loved to tease her and also was always ready with a listening ear and advice. 

"Kun, at times when you don't know what to do;" She started, her voice still muffled by the wood. "...do you listen to your heart or do you listen to your mind?" 

"Is it a matter of the heart or the matter of the head?" Kun rebutted, his tone balanced. "Matters of the heart," She admitted, her voice small, despite her face now lying sideways. "Then I'd listen to the heart," He said. "I know many people would say that it's a stupid decision to think that way. But just like I won't understand your worries as you would, your mind won't understand the troubles of your heart like your heart would." 

He saw things soo simply, soo accurately that it made things a lot clearer for Y/N. "And while I admit the heart does tend to take some dumb decisions, the head is too safe. And as much as you've let me in your love life," Kun paused to smile down at her. "The matters of your heart cannot be fixed with the safe approach the brain has," 

"Why are you here wasting your talent away when you easily could've made all the psychology and literature professors eat dirt with your lectures alone!" Kun burst out laughing, definitely flattered by her comments. He knew for a fact Y/N didn't bullshit. Whatever she said was the vocalisation of her thoughts.

"Coming from you, Boss," He hopped off the mahogany desk he was sitting on and walked for the door. "I might as well consider that,"  "Hey now don't make me lose my best employee!" Y/N yelled back, spinning in her swivel chair, feeling much lighter than before. 

It's true when they said that talking to someone else about your worries lessens their burden. Y/N, while still conflicted, had a clearer path in front of her. She knew which part of her she ought to listen to. Now which part she would ultimately end up choosing; only time would tell.

"Where are you? Where are you?" Zooming through the aisles of the department store, her eyes scanned the rows of sweet treats and snacks for her favourite brand of sour strings. Not that she minded chewing on her hoodie strings, she needed some taste once in a while. "Found you!" She grabbed two packets and dumped them in her basket. "That will be all," She offered the young girl on the counter as she placed her basket for check out.

As the items were being checked out, she let her eyes wander, scanning the neatly arranged arrays of energy drinks, pills and frozen goods beside the counter. The hard packet came into her sight rather abruptly, since she hadn't noticed it all this time. A sigh escaped her lips as Jaeyun reached forward and picked the pack in her hands. And relished the feeling it brought.

The nostalgia, the familiarity, the unfamiliarity and of course, those memories. Always those darn memories!

Flashback 

"You know you don't have to do this, right?" His voice came out rather muffled since his lips were now occupied with holding the white stick in between them. His eyes scrutinized her in front of him, her fingers hovering over the pack that contained several other sticks.

"I know I don't," She shrugged, "But I'd like to try one. I can always throw it away if I don't like it." "And waste my cigarettes on you? Yeah no thanks, love." His reply made her pout. 

"Oh come on Doie! Just one, please! I swear I won't waste it!" She pleaded, her hands clasped around his. "Okay! Okay, jeez!" Doyoung scoffed, placing a thin cancer stick on her hand. "And how many times do I have to tell you to not call me that?" He snapped, rather sharply whilst lighting the stick between his lips. God, he looked so fucking gorgeous when he did that! Enough to make her ignore the pang of hurt that slammed itself against her already bruised heart.

"Are you going to light it or what?" He asked, snapping her out of her reverie. "Can't you just light it for me?" She asked, lightly offering. She hoped he would take it as a joke and just toss the lighter her way. If he snapped again, Y/N didn't know if she would be able to resist the urge to stomp the cigarette down her foot and walk away. Once in for all,

These days, she wanted to do that. She wanted to suffer the pain of being away from him. Instead of suffering from the constant heartbreaks, he gifted her with. 

Surprising her, Doyoung simply puffed out smoke before saying, "Come here," Placing the white stick between her lips, Y/N stood in front of him, their shoes touching. Doyoung gave her one of those famous smirks of his, before leaning down and making the tips of their cigarettes touch. And Y/N's heart almost burst! 

He was so close and even though he was closer than that, she felt like she was seeing the most intimate form of Doyoung right now. His hooded eyes, the strands of parted black hair falling over and covering bits of his forehead, his luscious lips enclosed around the cigarette. He smelled like nicotine, rich leather and musk. Must be his favourite le Labo perfume that he seemed to never get tired of. 

He was a beautiful man, no doubt. And despite that, it hurts soo much to want to be with him. Why did he have to be the way he did? "There, all done, my dove." He smiled, and for a few seconds, she saw the child behind his calculated and alluring eyes. And yet again, it was making her fall deeper than she already was. She looked away, inhaling the nicotine. 

And then broke into fits of coughs soon after. Doyoung simply chuckled, watching Y/N as she dry heaved. "What sort of idiot invented this!" She cast a vicious look at the lit cigarette, her eyes watering. "Jesus Christ, I feel like I swallowed ash! Fuck!" She gagged, spitting on the sidewalk. 

"You wanna stop, love?" Doyoung asked, his smile long gone now. "No, but maybe take a second," Y/N sighed, her eyes watering. 

Soon enough, she'd gotten through her first cigarette. She didn't know if she should be proud of herself. "That's enough for a day! Come on! You're swaying already!" Doyoung flicked his cigarette away and took off his jacket, wrapping it around Y/N's comparatively small body and leading her to the car. Halfway through, her knees gave away, making the girl almost surface. 

"Fuck, Y/N! Don't faint!" Doyoung urgently hissed, haphazardly supporting her body but too late, she was limp. "Oh for fuck's sake!" The older boy sighed, now picking the girl up, bridal style, still wrapped in his jacket. It amazed her, how small she was compared to him. How delicate and innocent she was. 

"Doie..." She sleepily drawled, her hair falling over her face. Doyoung chuckled softly before answering, "What love?" "Thanks for the cigarette," He had to snort, at how freaking adorable she sounded. "Hmm, did you enjoy it?" He asked, holding her tighter against his body. Y/N nodded against his chest before answering, "It reminded me of you," And after that, she was completely gone! 

As he placed her inside his convertible and drove her back home, he couldn't help but think if she meant it. About the cigarette reminding her of him. Because Doyoung knows how those feel like. After the initial buzz of adrenaline and excitement, it drained you down. It made you feel tired and kept you coming back for more. 

End of flashback 

"Should I add it to the total, ma'am?" Y/N snapped out of her thoughts at the girl's question. "Yeah?" She turned to look at her. "Oh no! I was just..." She placed the pack of cigarettes back in its place. "I honestly don't know why I picked them up," She smiled. "I was wondering the same," The girl added, handing her the plastic bag of her shopping. "Excuse me ma'am but you don't look like the type to smoke," She broke out into a small chuckle at the girls' words before winking. "You'd be surprised," 

Y/N was addicted to them. Until of course, Doyoung walked out of her life. Those white sticks reminded her of him. So she forced herself to give it up. Just like everything she gave up everything that reminded her of him. He left with the same callousness as he came in and while she was heartbroken, she was also glad. 

How long was she going to torture herself? How long was she going to run into those same circles? Wasn't it easier that he left as much as it hurt to be the girl who was left behind?

Destiny works in wonderful ways really. Y/N had run from the thought of Doyoung for the past 6 years. Yet, he ruled a part of her. He was still messing her up despite not having shown his face to her since the day he left her for someone else. She chuckled, bringing her phone out; finally ready to text Narae back. 

'I hope you consider coming, Y/N. I really would love for you to be here in my big day.'

'I'll come Rae, see you soon.' 

Wrapping the jacket, his jacket, tighter around her small frame, Y/N took yet another sip of her whiskey. What were the odds? After running for 6 darn years, she was going to take the risk of running into him again. And that too, on the wedding day of the girl he left her for. To his best friend. 

She knew how stupid the decision was. How much it could hurt her, all over again. But then again, if Y/N was going to make a stupid decision for someone, wouldn't it make sense for it to be Doyoung? If she was going to risk going through all of that pain again; who else would it be except for Doyoung?