#one of my mutuals is really into this kind of stuff
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I could never have a CG/L kink because I have ODD and attempting to bring me to a child-like state will only result in chaos, death and rot. Blood will stain my hands. I will rip this world asunder with a stuffie in arms and a binky held within my accursed jaws. I will show no mercy, and feel no remorse. The devil himself will give me his throne in fear.
#hornyposting#cg/l#idk how to tag this#one of my mutuals is really into this kind of stuff#and this post has been bouncing around my skull like a dvd logo ever since#also i am barely exaggerating#i was a terrible kid#i cut the whiskers off a cat once because i was curious as to what it looked like without them#real serial killer type shit#i would've properly mutilated animals if i thought i could get away with it#anyway what was i talking about?#oh yeah#don't date a guy named albert
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We ARE going to bring up Captain Amelia. You have good taste! GOOD TASTE I SAY! *aka I just rewatched Treasure Planet and got hit with, "Oh yeahhhhh... that explains a lot!"*
honestly, the Meg/Jasmine/Amelia trifecta tells you 90% about me as a person. (the rest is covered by Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Uranus and, uhhh, I'll stop baring my soul to the world now)
and speaking of Amelia, this is tangential, but like -- there's one Twst comic I have been kicking at for a while where I needed an RSA sports/flight teacher and, uh, well
someday I will wrangle this stupid comic into coherency and she'll get to make an appearance (in the background of a single panel, half-obscured by a tall hat) (but I will know she's there and that's the important thing)
#art#twisted wonderland#twst oc#my plan worked i've tricked you all into looking at my anime catgirl oc#she exists to yell at some rsa boys so she doesn't really have like. a character or story or anything. sorry!#(her name is alexandria north and that is what she considers a sporty outfit. that's as far as i got)#this is the one that is mainly about silver and neige having a mutual bluebird friend and i am having terrible trouble making it not suck#which given some of the stuff i post should tell you something about how it's going so far#(it's just kind of an incoherent mess of ideas at this point. nothing specific just ~the creative process~)#maybe the rest of episode 7 will give my brain the kickstart it needs. depends on how that goes i guess#god. the next episode 7 bit drops in (probably) just a few days.#I'M NOT READY#i have simultaneously never been ready and always been ready#i exist in a perpetual state of impatience
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genuinely think it's good and healthy to follow at least one person in each of your fandoms who reblogs good gifsets but has just...absolutely dogshit takes on the show, or who ships that ship you despise. keeps things fresh. keeps things grounded. you gotta stay humble
#lauren feels things#fandom#this is mostly a joke post#obviously create the experience on tumblr that yOU want#you are not obligated to do any fucking thing on this website#but like....there are a few people I've been following on my other blog#(my real and anonymous one where I do most of my reblogging/fandom stuff)#and I've been following them for YEARS#or they're mutuals from the fandoms I've written fic for#and they just post the most out of pocket shit#or they ship ships that totally squick me out#or - the most annoying sin of all to me -#they post sanctimonious explanations about how the creators/actors/whatever#really feel THIS way about this particular thing#and all you other fans are wrong#(and like......no they don't. unless that actor or writer has said that#you have no idea they think that. also it doesn't matter what they think.)#but I'm honestly not kidding when I say this makes my personal fandom experience better#bc a) some of these people are just pals I disagree with!#and b) none of them are - like - toxic or anything#there's a certain kind of fandom discourse I do not tolerate#these people are mostly just kind of silly sometimes about stuff#and ultimately harmless#but it helps me understand a fandom better#and the fact that I've been doing it for like a decade now#means that i truly never get offended or hurt or feel any kind of way#when I see a bonkers take on something#bc I'm just like 'oh sure you're wrong but whatever good for you seems like you're having fun'#and sometimes ppl in fandoms take things SO PERSONALLY!#and it's okay that some people who make art you like or amazing gifsets feel differently about the thing you both love
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wait, is there a dovi/jorge feud???? i didn't know this!! also thank you so much for all you do for this community ❤️
not the only ask I've gotten about this and... look, rather than doing a proper write up that would take forever, I'm just gonna give my top ten fun... facts? bits of trivia. tidbits related to the two of them. quite long tidbits, on second glance. the highlight reel, if you will
(1) that time andrea dovizioso made 14 year old jorge lorenzo cry
the two of them already raced each other before the start of their grand prix careers, competing for the first time in 2001 in the cev when dovi was around 15 and jorge around 14. in riveras tobia's biography, here's jorge talking about their first fight:
I led the way at the start and Dovizioso and I escaped. It was our first head-to-head encounter, the first time we raced each other. My dad had heard that Dovi was a really clever rider and he warned me before the race. But just like in 1998 at Jerez, with Olive, I acted like a dummy and pushed for the whole race. I kept looking behind me to see the bastard still there! It was impossible to shake him off, he was watching me the whole race until the last lap. Three comers from the end I could hear his engine getting closer and I saw his shadow to my left, but he didn't come past. I thought to myself "This guy is going to try something in a second!" I decided I had to on a tighter line and close the door. Sure enough, Dovi went wider through that comer and then dived up the inside. I didn't close the door in time and tried to get in his slipstream, desperately hoping I could get him the next corner, but I ran wide and he won. I came back in tears, I didn't even want to go to the podium, I felt so cheated. I'd been on the limit for the whole race and I felt like I deserved the win more than he did.
so that's a nice and positive start! there's something charming about how even fifteen year old dovi was an absolute menace on last laps
also about that race:
'Jorge beat Dovi in Braga but in the previous race at Most, what a tantrum!' recalls Juanito, laughing. 'He didn't even want to go to the podium, he was crying like a baby! I can still see Dani (Antatriain) talking to him, trying to convince him. In the end he went but he didn't want to look at anybody.'
(2) the photo finish
in 2004, they were rivals in 125cc - a year in which dovi claimed the title and jorge was p4 in the standings. in the very first grand prix ever at the lusail circuit (pretty eventful weekend, you have to say), jorge and dovi crossed the line at the exact same moment
(3) dovi's top three favourite career win
dovi and jorge progressed through the categories at the exact same rate, and after their 125cc rivalry they continued fighting in 250cc. they were title rivals in both 2006 and 2007, with jorge's aprilia winning out both times against dovi's underpowered honda. (the general pattern was that dovi clawed back a bunch of points from jorge in the wet - jorge, with perhaps the exception of a few years in the premier class until around 2013, has never been much of a wet weather racers, while it's always been one of dovi's strongest traits.) for dovi's 300th career start in 2019, he was asked what his top three wins were - and one of his picks was from way back when in 2007
I'd recommend the race! which... well, I did in the race rec post - and I can only reiterate that these two kids do not acknowledge each other, not good vibes at all
(4) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2008
Jorge has a lot of respect for Andrea Dovizioso and feels that his two 250cc world titles have even more prestige because he had to beat the Italian to win them. 'You wouldn't label Dovizioso as fast, particularly, but he's much faster than he looks. He doesn't set many pole positions but he is always up front in a race, fighting to win. He is very intelligent and you can't trust him an inch on the last lap. He has been faithful to Honda, he has great belief in them. His negative side is that he tends to play the victim too much. He'll say that if his bike had a better engine or if it was a bit faster he would win. He's even said that if he was on the same bike as me he'd give me a hiding. I think he looks for excuses too often sometimes, but as a rider and a person I don't have a bad word to say about him.'
some dovi traits read as very familiar, from how he's a better racer than qualifier to the intelligence to the last lap prowess. as for jorge saying dovi plays victim too much? well
also this:
ER: Don't you think that Dovizioso wanted to be World Champion too in 2006 and 2007? Don't you think he gave everything to achieve it? JL: He will think he gave his maximum but he will be lying to himself because nobody does that. Nobody gets close to their maximum, not even me. He will think that he didn't win because he was riding a Honda. There are very few sportsmen who will say, I deserve what happened to me and there are no excuses. I didn't know how to do any better and I've done things wrong.' That is the only way to be the best, the only way. People who make excuses don't get to the top. I know riders who haven't made it for just that reason.
plus ça change
(5) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2018
when they were doing their thing as ducati teammates (bickering), here is one of the things jorge said about dovi:
dovi's been trying to undermine jorge's morale his WHOLE career... even when they were but teenagers... love it when you can really tell someone's been sitting on something for over a decade
(6) "also lorenzo is not my friend"
both of them moved up to motogp in 2008, jorge with factory yamaha and dovi with satellite honda. dovi had a very strong rookie season and finished in p5, only sixteen points behind jorge in p4 (who after a promising first few races had spent a lot of time that season crashing). after that, their fortunes diverged. dovi did not have a particularly happy time in the factory honda team and needed to do some shrewd negotiating to be retained by them for 2011 in that three-man squad, while jorge of course won the championship in 2010
here's a deep cut from 2011, a season where much of the excitement and drama was caused by marco simoncelli alone. jorge had exchanged tense words with sic in estoril, one race before simoncelli was responsible for a crash where dani broke his collarbone. the crash and sic's subsequent penalty meant that the three-way fight between jorge, dovi and valentino became one for the podium, with dovi and valentino eventually grabbing the two remaining spots behind casey. but during the race, jorge had executed a... questionable manoeuvre on dovi, one that did have some similarities to the sic/dani incident. given jorge's strong previous comments on racing standards, unsurprisingly the journalists pounced on this incident in the post-race presser and ask the podium sitters about it. here is the clip:
in this clip, dovi essentially says it was a dangerous move from jorge, but he wasn't sure what jorge's intent had been and he needs to watch the footage again. valentino (who had been the most outspokenly critical of sic of the three of them earlier in the presser) takes the opportunity presented to him to have a bit of a potshot at jorge. he says that dovi doesn't have the best relationship with sic but jorge had done something pretty similar in the race... at which point dovi goes "also lorenzo is not my friend"
which, you know. not exactly a major incident, but I find it very charming dovi felt the need to clarify that, actually, he doesn't like either of them. valentino also adds that by jorge's own standards, surely he too should have gotten a penalty. not exactly a meeting of jorge's biggest fans hm
(7) mapping eight-gate
well I can't leave it out, can I
so in 2017 jorge switches from yamaha to ducati and does not have a great time of it. a lot of weekends, he's just too slow, other times he shoots to the front of a race at the start (typically not great news for the rest of the field in his yamaha days) and then chews up his tyres before gradually dropping like a stone back through the field. at some point that year it became a bit of a running gag - especially when you saw he was the only big name to be picking a soft tyre and just went... buddy we ALL know how this is gonna end....
while this was happening, his teammate dovi was for the first time in his premier class career in championship contention. an extremely close title fight throughout the year with five protagonists until pretty late in the season, it eventually went to a title decider in valencia between dovi and marc. you know, the kind of year where every point counts. the race where marc put a bit of daylight between himself and dovi was phillip island, with marc winning a great dogfight out front while dovi had a bit of a horror show of a weekend. this meant that a lot would have to go right for dovi to have a chance of still winning the title... and sepang was already a match point race for marc
ducati had not won a championship since their 2007 title, courtesy of one casey stoner. after that year, their bike became steadily less competitive every season, reaching a nadir around the 2011-13-ish period. so by the time 2017 rolled around, they wanted this so so badly - even if they wouldn't have expected dovi to lead the charge. dovi had only narrowly beaten out iannone in the 'who's going to be fired for our shiny new lorenzo hire' contest of 2016, and really it was supposed to be jorge who was carrying ducati's dreams on his shoulders. but, never mind, they were throwing everything behind dovi now... no stone left unturned
which brings us, of course, to the subject of team orders. this discourse really took off at the penultimate race of the season at sepang, but was already brewing before that - and in phillip island, satellite ducati rider redding had been told early in the race to let dovi past
here from marc at sepang:
dovi had been in great form all weekend at sepang - and with his wet weather prowess being what it was, really there shouldn't have been any need for team orders at all. but he got a sluggish start, and the race unfolded from there... until eventually jorge was in first, dovi was in second and marc in fourth. in those positions, marc would have clinched the title there
and then, jorge got a message on his dashboard. suggested mapping: mapping 8. pit boards and dashboards and all sorts of boards will feature various codes during races, most of them completely innocuous - but of course they are a healthy source of all sorts of conspiracies. the timing of this one was certainly... notable, and speculation immediately started about how it might be a way of telling jorge that he should swap positions with dovi
jorge didn't end up letting dovi pass - it is questionable whether he really would have done so with what would have been his first ducati win on the line. in the end, he made a mistake that let dovi through so that dovi claimed the win anyway, keeping himself in mathematical contention in valencia. and jorge did say afterwards he was keeping dovi's title hopes in mind, kind of
jorge also said he hadn't gotten any message indicating team orders, and of course nobody at ducati confirmed that mapping eight did have anything to do with team orders
for what it's worth, this is what dovi said about their relationship at this stage:
lovely! let's see what the vibes are like a few months later
anyway, onto valencia. this race was pretty boring despite being a title decider, but the jorge/dovi bits were just unequivocally the weekend's most enjoyable aspect and rather nicely spiced up the whole thing. dovi's chances were always slim going in, given he'd have to win the race and marc would have to barely get any points at all... but still, you never know, right? marc could always crash (narrator: he did almost crash). jorge plays coy early in the weekend about the whole 'helping dovi out thing', and basically just started putting in place...? ... very specific conditions...? under which he'd help:
so during the actual race, dovi got stuck behind jorge in p5, with marc ahead of both of them. valencia is traditionally not a fantastic track to overtake at... so even if dovi had been faster, it's not like he'd have an easy time clearing jorge and cracking on. but they were beginning to drift further away from dani in p3 as ducati watched on, increasingly unamused by what was happening - and the tv cameras were of course kind enough to repeatedly show the ducati box looking deeply unamused. again, they went for the good old mapping eight message, which, hey, that could mean anything! they sure did keep showing it to jorge though, almost like he wasn't paying attention to it
eventually, they abandon all subtlety and go for a pit board message that does just straight-up tell jorge to swap positions. jorge kept ignoring the messages, lap after lap, and he never ended up letting dovi past. eventually they both crashed and marc claimed the title with a p3 finish, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway, but... still. the feeling was that this might things rather awkward inside of ducati
publicly, ducati was extremely keen to smooth over the whole controversy, saying they totally weren't mad at jorge blatantly ignoring team orders. jorge had, after all, explained to them (and the media, repeatedly) that he had totally been intending to help dovi by dragging him closer to dani
Giving his take on events, Lorenzo acknowledged that he ignored Ducati’s instruction because he felt Dovizioso’s chances would be boosted by having him directly ahead. “Even looking at this [dashboard] suggestion, I keep pushing until the end, because I knew it was the best thing for me, for Ducati and for Dovi,” said Lorenzo. “I helped him to improve his pace by one or two tenths, to be as close as possible to the first group. My intention was, and it was the case, that we arrive at the first group. If he had the option to win, I would have gone wide and let him pass. But unfortunately it was not like that. Maybe in some corners Dovi was close and I slow down a little bit his pace, but in general terms, having my wheel in front of him made him improve slightly his pace. I helped him stayed closer to the front group. “I knew Dovi was struggling, I knew his pace during all the weekend, and I knew he was making the best pace of the weekend just in the race. It was [because of the] help from my wheel. I’m happy because I was not wrong. If I was wrong and slowing him, I would be very sorry. But it’s not like that, my feeling was true.”
which, you know. is it really that easy to tell how much faster you are than someone who's sitting on your rear tyre? who's to say. dovi did certainly seem rather keen to get past
anyhow, of course there were plenty of fun dramatics post-race:
'our rider ignored team suggestions not team orders' is a great line, fairs. there's plenty more of this from ducati, some excellent spin doctoring - and dovi was extremely magnanimous about what had happened:
the whole thing was pretty undignified from all non-dovi parties, but it was also very funny so who's to say if it was bad or not
(8) runner-up-gate
let's check in on them in 2018, the second and ultimately last year in which they were teammates. remember that 'undermining morale' quote from above? those are from early 2018, after dovi says he wouldn't be surprised to see jorge elsewhere the following season. so, once jorge has complained that dovi had been trying to put him down his entire career, comes this:
so that's something. jorge, dovi and dani have a three-in-one crash in jerez, after which some fingers are pointed but it all remains fairly civil, and a bit later dovi says that jorge's approach doesn't work at ducati:
by the summer break, jorge's results had gotten better, but it was already too late to save the relationship with ducati and they parted ways. anyway, here's dovi and jorge having another go at it:
And while a rough patch for Dovizioso coupled with breakthrough back-to-back wins for Lorenzo in Mugello and Barcelona have now left the pair just three points apart in the standings, Dovizioso refused to back down from his claim when speaking to Spanish sports daily Marca ahead of the upcoming Brno race. “He’s won two races,” Dovizioso said. “Winning two races does not solve the problem of a year and a half. Lorenzo was not signed to win two races. Therefore I do not change my mind.” When the comments were put to Lorenzo, the three-time champion offered an ardent retort, stating that Dovizioso's rhetoric was proof of the claim he'd made back in April. “I'm a bit fed up with this situation, mainly because when I had trouble and he was winning, I was down there applauding,” Lorenzo told Spanish broadcaster Movistar. “What I said in Argentina - and the comments caused a big surprise - you can see that I was right. “He tried to undermine me, or downplay what I achieve or just attack me. As you can see, I wasn't lying. He's still doing it and now he says my method is not good, according to him.” Lorenzo intimated that Dovizioso was in no position to criticise him, as the Italian could do no better than runner-up to Marc Marquez in a 'perfect' 2017 season. He said: “I think my method has not worked too bad in my career. I've won three MotoGP titles and have 46 wins.” “In my second year in Ducati I'm usually faster than him, but maybe I should look at his method closer if in his best season, with everything going perfectly, he was second. Otherwise he's fourth or seventh usually. I'd tell him to leave me to go my way and to focus on his own and everything will be better, because when you have an angry Lorenzo it's usually worse for you.”
fair to say that by this point the pretence at civility has mostly been dropped. I'm rather fond of the "lorenzo was not signed to win two races" line, though "when you have an angry lorenzo it's usually worse for you" is also really strong stuff. dovi tries to restore a little bit of peace:
Responding in turn to Lorenzo's tirade, Dovizioso sought to play down the conflict. “Jorge has his ideas and I think they are based on particular things. I don't think like him, but it's not a problem,” he told Movistar. “Everybody creates their own ideas based on what they see and how they live. “I don't think he has everything clear in his head about what's happened, but we continue the relationship that we started last year with respect, there's no particular problem. If he thinks this way, that's his problem."
so basically the classic 'idk what he's on about but it's not my problem' approach to attempting to defuse feuds
(9) twitter-gate
there's a few more on-track battles where it's nicely obvious how badly they want to beat each other, with jorge beating marc just ahead of dovi in austria and then dovi beating jorge in brno. jorge's season is increasingly derailed by injuries, which sets the stage for their next big spat:
The row was sparked by Dovizioso's comments to Sky Italia after qualifying at Sepang on Saturday, as he was asked what he thought of Lorenzo having to pull out of the Malaysian GP weekend with injury. "I don't know the details, I don't want to get into this, it's a bit of a strange situation," said Dovizioso."It happens often in Ducati or to certain riders, but I don't understand the details and I don't want to get into it and give my opinion." When it was put to him he was offering 'cryptic words', he added: "I leave things there, it's not my problem."
pretty vague, yeah. but anyway, I'm sure jorge had a proportionate response to this
Dovizioso's comments prompted a series of irate posts from Lorenzo on Twitter, with his first reaction being "Thank you very much @AndreaDovizioso! You are a real gentleman!". In his next post, he went on to call Dovizioso "an exemplary teammate", adding: "You applaud him under the podium when he wins and then... (That's right, he does not give his opinion, it's not his problem)." After that, Lorenzo labelled Dovizioso "envious" and described him as "a world champion... in 125cc."
the podium thing really bothered him, don't you think. their ducati in-fighting follows that general pattern where dovi says something... a little shady, a little ambiguous, where his intentions aren't entirely obvious... at which point jorge goes all in at fighting back and has a go at dovi - often not as much for what dovi is actually saying, but what jorge thinks dovi is implying. which is based on his understanding of dovi, the image of dovi he's built up in his head over the years, so that he is... predisposed to think ill of the intentions of the 'intelligent' dovi who always knows exactly what he's saying
again, dovi tried to downplay the argument, while simultaneously not exhibiting much patience for jorge's stance:
After the Malaysian GP, Dovizioso was asked about Lorenzo's responses to his comments, and the Italian accused his teammate of reading too much into headlines. He said: “Why should I talk to Lorenzo? I do not waste time on these things. He makes the usual mistake of giving too much importance to what is written, even without the context. "I have not pointed my finger at anyone and I have no problem with Jorge."
if I were ducati, I probably would've let the whole thing blow over given jorge was off soon anyway. but they decided the whole thing was so bad they had to organise a peace summit
Asked about the situation, Ducati sporting director Paolo Ciabatti admitted to Motorsport.com that the Bologna marque has already planned to sit its two riders on Tuesday in Milan to make it clear what its priorities are. Ciabatti said: “It is clear that the interests of Ducati come before personal problems between riders. On Tuesday we will be together in Milan, for the EICMA [motorcycle show] and we have in mind to spend half an hour to sit and talk to Jorge and Andrea. "We want to avoid similar things to what happened last weekend. "I understand that these kinds of situations can happen. Sometimes riders get nervous during a Grand Prix weekend and on a rainy day, with tricky conditions, sometimes they say things they shouldn’t have said."
god knows how that turned out
(10) wow, you guys aren't gonna let this go, huh
late 2020 and jorge's career is already over, while dovi's looks like it will be... paused, at the very least. which is always a good time to check in with riders on how they feel about their rivals - if they're still being nasty you know that shit was personal. from december:
some quality petty material here. "I can't understand his somewhat peculiar mind" vs "he was envious of me since 250cc, but I wanted to give our relationship a chance". note too jorge talking again about how generous he had been in the face of dovi's 2017 successes, and how he feels like this was not reciprocated at all. jorge's complaints don't stop there:
merry christmas!
not the only rider jorge has beefed with post-retirement, but compare and contrast with how he really hasn't been doing any of that with some of his biggest career rivals. valentino, marc, dani - sure, he still talks about the controversies he's had with them pretty regularly (to put it lightly), and he's hardly free of complaints... but mostly it's a distinctly nostalgic tone he's adopting with these guys. admittedly, it helps that none of those three have gone out of their way to say anything particularly inflammatory about jorge. still, the absolute lack of any sort of rapprochement with dovi of all people is pretty funny
bonus: that time when jorge skittled all of marc's rivals
you know how in catalunya 2019, jorge took out like? all of marc's major rivals in that era including himself in one go? with half a decade of hindsight, this was kind of hilarious, and it did also feature jorge having to eat a hell of a lot of humble pie and go to the three other blokes to apologise. anyway I have a lovingly assembled set of screenshots of all three of them emoting in their boxes after the incident, all suffering some form of an existential crisis. here is dovi contemplating the bleak realities of our brief lives on this planet:
truly one of the world's least enthusiastic waves
bonus 2: another one for old time's sake
already posted this elsewhere, but this from late 2023 made me laugh
"jorge came to ducati and thought he was going to beat everything, but in the end he didn't" uh huh
#also thank you!! that's really nice#valentino is absolutely SHAMELESS in that clip i'm crying... saw some low hanging fruit and took a chainsaw to the entire tree#laughs a bit TOO much at that dovi line. a little restraint I beg#andrea dovizioso#brr brr#//#ad4#morale tag#batsplat responds#very lazy post sorry but i just wanted to do something fast... i do think they're more interesting than just a list of drama#real lack of mutual respect... how little they get each other... also jorge's side of that 250cc rivalry is sooooo...#currently still cooking up that jorge/valentino post which means i'm obviously revisiting my jorge primary sources#and the way valentino and dovi get described in particular is... hm how to describe this... this isn't just a sports thing but -#- especially in sports and especially at juniors level you come across a lot of people who act like they're constantly on camera#jorge at that age has extreme sports film syndrome. his entire team also has sports film syndrome. the author has sports film syndrome#they're constantly trying to write character arcs for him. 'like a superhero after his darkest hour' that kinda thing#and that also means other riders sometimes get this treatment where you're a bit? this doesn't feel... completely in touch with reality#dovi's The First Rival who's there to help jorge grow... it's quite tricky to explain because you can't point to anything SPECIFIC#it's just tones and vibes really lmao#anyway my point is I do have Takes on this dynamic but for now. here is just a random assortment of stuff with a lil bit of context#I do love it when you have a kind of primary text for these riders. they're all COMPLETELY different#all with quite funny editorial choices that sometimes tell you as much about the blokes as the actual text itself#fwiw the jorge one was the one where i had the most moments of 'hm i'm not sure it happened quite like that but continue'
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it's the way i just want people to love and be invested in peter after all the hard work i've put in him tbh.
#⋆ ⋮ 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲. ❜ ( out. )#[ i really hope this doesn't come across ugly because i definitely don't mean it in the sense that#'my mutuals owe me more!!!!' or anything like that. i just.#i feel so. second-rate#and like literally everybody just sees peter as like. this thing they'll answer when they have nothing else to do#and it just makes me feel like i've failed as a writer#it's got nothing to do with popularity or 'expecting more' from my mutuals i just.#it feels like my writing is shit? or my ideas or. something.#i literally just want him to be loved like everybody else's muses seem to be#i'm so Tired of being the one who always cares the most.#just once i wanna have the muse that is fawned over.#but like. i just can't seem to.#like i. is it the faceclaim? is it my magic system? is it the quality of my prose?#i just. i feel like fucking tearing everything down and just going away#because it feels as if it wouldn't. impact anybody at all lmao.#[ edit: i'm just. i'm gonna throw this in the save tag so that i can look back at this stuff when i have similar episodes#bc man. such kindness. <3 ]#save *
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happy new year to all self shippers !! <33
#im really glad i created this blog last year#one of my goals for this new year is to post more about my f/os and the very specific scenarios i have with them#also gushing and that kind of stuff kdbks#i love to see that kind of posts from my mutuals and i feel like i do them less than i actually want to#thank you sm for your support durinf the year!! i love your reblog tags and asks and everything yall are amazing#i hope this will be a great year for everyone#hoping the best for everyone out there#f/o community#self ship community#selfshipping#self shipping#self shipping community#selfship#selfshipper#self shipper
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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/ Do u guys remember how back in the day, if u typed on tunglr search bar the name of whatever character/fandom u were interested in following rp blogs about, u would find their promos everywhere? like I recall back in the day searching 'fgo rp blog' for the tag and having a really high chance of stumbling across peeps writing characters for that fandom
#;ooc#ooc#and i dont mean ageeeees ago; i mean like; 2019-2020?#i remember in my case doing the same; like if i wrote d.antes from f.ate i would type on his promo e.dmond d.antes r.p blog and stuff#i kind of miss that; i can say from my end i stopped doing it for the fear of personals spamming my notifications#and bc at one point ur kind of just vibin with ur mutuals? like if someone finds me and follows me; great! but i rarely branch out anymore?#so i dont really do promos anymore; but i should bc its a fun thing to do; i havent done one in what feels like ageeeees#also the x readers posts make it really hard nowadays i should blacklist that tag
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tgcf art is fun bc xl generally looks really nice and hc generally looks really mean. they just. complement each other lol. that's true love
#he looks mean if he's not looking directly at xl I should say#but it kind of boils down how simplistic the romance and love interest is#hc character traits: mean. good at stuff. sexy. SO so sexy. thinks he's ugly.#I don't think he even has internalized homophobia bc he's perfectly comfortable w his own desires once he knows they're reciprocated#and he proposes to and kisses xl before that comes out. but he's acutely aware of other people's judgement#and honestly. carving thousands of statues and painting thousands of portraits of your god#who you are also in love with IS a little weird. the self-insert smut 😭 like it's fine I don't think he was evil for it#and it's something he did in a really tough time in his life that he never wanted anyone to see#but I can't disagree w fxmq. that IS a creepy thing to walk into#if mxtx had betrayed her romance fans to take a hard turn into psychological horror the way twilight should have#well. delicious#but alas. obsessive love really IS both desirable AND all you need to maintain a relationship#lmao.#in the same way I will always be a pratchett hater I will always be a hualian critic. what did my mutual say that one time#wangxian outsold!#and even wx isn't perfect in any adaptation it's just miles more interesting than whatever this is#I genuinely don't understand how ppl write so much fic or have them be their primary interest#there's just so little of substance there....#cor.txt
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I think... Me adding yandere content to my dni was a little bit excessive...
#It still sorta applies... Im just more so talking abt ppl who are WEIRDDDD abt it#Cuz i used to be into it too... But it's not triggering#And i think i was just seeing it all the time at one point amd it started pissing me off#So i added it to my dni#And I've seen two mutuals reblog that kind of stuff and that's when I realized i didn't care that much#So. Do i care if u interact with yandere content. Not really?? Just know it's not triggering and just mildly annoying i guess
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.
#sometimes it’s painful being this much of a lover#we haven’t even established feelings for each other and yet he’s the only one i have eyes for#i just wish we could both talk about how we feel#i am more sure than ever that the feeling is mutual#i just feel like we both are over thinkers and think one isn’t into the other i think#there’s a lot of stuff for us to over think about i fear lmao#i just don’t know when the right time to have a conversation like that is??#it’s been so long since i’ve had to talk to a friend and be like hey i think i am falling in love with you#and idk if he’ll ever do it first#i get so nervous thinking about it#or even just thinking about him at all makes my heart race so much#i don’t want to fuck things up so im just going to wait and be patient and act normal#having to pretend i dont want to talk to him 24/7 is kind of fucking painful though#bc i really do just want to talk all the time i love talking to him#ugh#personal
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sigh
#getting Taylor fatigue perhaps#thinking about.. a lot of stuff on ttpd#today Florida was playing in the store and the “weed or little babies” line slapped me in the face and then I couldn’t stop thinking about#how cringey it was for the rest of the afternoon#and then I kind of mentally went down a spiral of other Choices I don’t love#and like!! idk I did like a lot of songs on ttpd#some of the Silly was fun#fell into the anti ttpd tag and people do love to dunk on so high school and imgonnagetyouback but I don’t really have anything against thos#like! let her have fun! Aristotle/grand theft auto!#but there’s also a lot of other choices (specifically lyrically) that I just…. hm.#the reason I stopped listening to the title track too#there’s *some* good lines in there. a couple good lines. but there’s too much cringe the whole I can’t listen to that song#and I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I’m not trying to say anything specific.#I’m not mad about everything and especially compared to the actual antis I definitely enjoy the album more than many of them do#but also. not like the Crowd of Swifties does#and yeah just in general. things about her behavior recently are Very Disappointing#*gestures vaguely*#so idkkk#ik i have talked about this before on the other side of the argument like. if you hate Taylor why are you still here you hater???#and I don’t hate Taylor but I don’t really like her very much either. idk and I continue to like A Lot of her music#and idk idk#I’ve been thinking this on and off since ttpd release#and some days I like her less than other days#but maybe I’m thinking it’s just time for me to take a step back.#I don’t want to become a hater so if I have anything to rant about I’ll try to keep in it some tags like this or just in my group chat#but yeah. if I am less interested in or inclined to talk about Taylor and my swiftie mutuals wonder. that’s why#I’m still 100% down to talk about the music though!!! but maybe I’m going to become one of those people who are asked if they like TS and#they’ll be like “mmm I like her older stuff”#maybe that’s where I’m headed
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This is so random but TYSM for always complimenting my art. Like I’ve kind of been obsessed with ur art and comics ever since u followed me. Like i genuinely cant believe that one of my fav artists also is moots with me it makes me rlly happy. Your ideas are always so silly and your artstyle is so unique and charming. It feels like little school doodle scribbles but in a really intentional way. Also love the messy bright colors that you use. I’m tired of artists being told to not use bright colors. You always make everything look rlly nice and i would love like,,, a tutorial or tips on how u add color to your drawings. Idk what else to say man like everytime i look back on Ur ac i think to myself how tf areas we moots bc ur so amazing and ur art is so good and cute and like it makes me so happy whenever I see it like i wanna make those little comics and color like u. Ur so cool
AWHWHWHHWGEGEHHS IM CRYING HI your my favorite artist of all time words cannot describe how much this means to my thank you thank you thank youug
Below is just me ranting abt colors I really really like talking about colors you Awakened my color nerd
TY FOR ASKINF ABOUT COLORS I LOVE COLORS im not the best at them im still kinda new with playing around with color palettes?? There was this post I saw like two years ago where someone was like “never use white in your art” and I used to use white like a LOT esp for eye whites so I started using diff colors for eyes?? Which made me realize that my color palettes looked really off without normal whites. I started having to experiment a lot more!! I found out I’m really really fond of warm tones, so when in doubt, i overlay all my colors with a solid red and the lower the opacity, take that color palette and then change it up how I want it?? I dunno my process is a little weird ? After I find a color palette i like i keep it in a little folder so I can take it out whenever I need so a lot of my palettes are actually recycled hehe
I like using bright colors theyre my favorite!! I kinda figured out if I can put #FF0000 red into my art and it still looks normal then I’ve done a good job🥺
OBVI these tips don’t work for everyone and my process is super strange and I’m not like the king of colors or anything but that was generally my personal color process!! tldr don’t use perfect white for main art piece, color eyes first, overlays are fun, if you can use bright red youre Winning
#tmnt#ask#mutuals <3#thugshakerrr9000 tag#THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY HELP#I WAS GIGGLING AND STUFF#i really wanna learn how you manage to make your art so expressive it amazes me to know end#You aren’t afraid to move your characters as unnaturally as you need to in order to portray the kind of person they are/what they’re thinki#WHICH IS SO COOL TO ME#AND THE WAY YOY DO LIGHTING??1??#Blows my mind oooooh i could talk about it for weeks#if you ever wind up selling art one day I’m gonna be the first one to buy#Biggest fan forever#ANWAYS TY FOR THE ASKKK#asks
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why doesn't anybody talk about schrodinger's mental illness? seriously i think i'm onto something here
#nightmare.personal#i'm starting to think i'm over it like#i've been so happy lately and i'm having these weird nightmares about my family for no reason but like#i have FRIENDS and i'm taking CARE OF MYSELF and like i thought i looked super pretty today#but i am freaking out a bit about how nice this one friend of mine is being to me#which is so weird bc he'/s like the safest guy to be around ever but suddenly i feel insanely unsafe#hm. maybe i'll be fixed if i go to bed#ugh i have classes tmrw which are FINE classes but like. work. and then also therapy#and therapy's good just like. ugh. Ugh. maybe i'll talk to her about me hating my gf's mom's profession and my moral crisis#bc guys it's kind of awkward i really don't fuck with landlords but my gf's mom is um . Kind of one of those#anyway i think i'm better honestly like the klavier and dahlia stuff is starting to just feel like an inside joke#something earlier happened and i was like klav would like this. andi pictured him a bit in my brain as how he looked#and like. we laughed. but i don't think he was there at all#and the BPD stuff isn't happening like i've not mood swung at all lately i don't think#so maybe it was all in my head andi'm fine now? that could be it honestly like. i'm fine. which!#is weird and abrupt but hey i'm into it. y'know. whatever#it would kind of suck if it turns out i was perfectly fine i was just overthinking it but. hey#honestly whatever. people are fine i'm fine i'm safe and the nightmares are stupid#i need to see this guy anyway tmrw because i invited him along to grab breakfast with me and our mutual friend#we're like a trio so i figure it's fine. hopefully the dining hall isn't still on fire i need to fuck up that pomegranate acai drink so bad#it's SO good you guys. but like. idk. i feel happy like perfectly happy. like i don't think much is wrong#these weird feelings of dread and hovering on the edges of panic attacks sometimes but that's really it#ugh. i hope the lecture hall has good chairs#sorry i cannot focus on this i'm restless rn. i need. like. something#i think me and my GF might break up soon bc of the parents work and the sex thing but like.#someone lobotomize me i'm literally fine what's going ONNNN
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actually now that the clique thing is a few days old, i didn't really get involved for a reason and I don't feel super strongly in either direction
but I will say that like. while there's certainly a problem of less interaction on the fanworks/posts from less popular blogs, this isn't really a byler exclusive issue? this happens in most fandoms these days, interaction is just on a decline in general which IS. a problem but not really a "byler tumblr is cliquey" problem. in regards to any actual cliques I wouldn't say they don't exist but I don't think it's "the popular kids" themselves doing this. I don't know if the rest of you have some other bloggers in mind that I don't know about, but as someone who is mutuals with a fair amount of who I thought were the popular blogs, they are always very nice and welcoming to me, and actually easy to talk to once you just. see them and talk to them as a normal human and not an omnipotent fandom god. so this is all to say that if there's a clique issue I think it's from the outside. I think maybe people are perceiving these bigger blogs who all happen to be friends as these untouchable idols in fandom and it's. making it cliquey from the outside. like are they a clique or have you just convinced yourself they wouldn't want anything to do with you and isolated this group from everyone else. this isn't to say that people can't be assholes of course just that I don't think any of this is intentional
#I think a lot of post interaction problems are also just probably coming from the fact that I don't think anyone checks the tag anymore#I certainly don't. I just keep up with what my mutuals are posting#and my mutuals are posting their work and they're sharing their friend's work or the work their friend shared from someone else#so if you're a little known blogger it can just be harder because. your posts just aren't making it as far you have a few followers#and they have even fewer. and so unless you get an anomaly popularity boost it'll be harder for a post to get traction#also “it's a clique bc all the popular blogs are friends and only associate with each other” well they have been friends for months#or a year now. and also probably were not as popular when that friendship started#so it's more like. a friend group forms and then when one of you gets a popularity boost so do the others bc you're friends#and then next thing you know it's a friend group of popular bloggers#anyway. all this to say get out and make some friends! either I'm right and this will actually fix the problem#or there really is a clique in which case why tf would you want to associate with them anyway#but genuinely this is rich coming from me actually known to most as godawful at talking to people irl#but it's really so simple to make tumblr friends it just requires you to be a little brave and genuine#if you see someone posting a lot of cool stuff follow them!! and then get in their askbox and talk to them about something#if they have an au you really like talk to them about that if they have some music they've been posting about check it out#and tell them what you thought!#just like. be friendly and open they'll probably respond in kind and next thing you know you have a really cool friend#anyway if you're one of my mutuals and you saw me like a post the other day or whatever that might feel contrary to this#well the other day I was just watching things go down lmao#I didn't care what any posts said I was busy with my own discourse lol#(and also if you're ANOTHER mutual wondering wtf this post is about don't worry about that)#idk I think I just. haven't really witnessed cliquey behavior but I see posts about this with enough notes#that sometimes I think. well you guys gotta be experiencing SOMETHING so idk. idk#I guess this is another “some people just have friends” post#anyway I think a good thing to remember here also is that we're arguing about popularity on Tumblr Dot Com. brother we are bloggers#and we're calling it cliques. like a highschool movie
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god i cannot WAIT to have a desk again
#you mean i can put all of my art stuff ??? in one place???? and its easy to find and i know whwre everything is??????#oh my godddddd#hiiiiiii my beloved mutuals#my apartment is going excellent#i . really like it. which feels crazy. i have my own space again anf its actually like.... comfortable#or like. kind of comfortable. theres still boxes everywhere. but im WORKING ON IT#and i dont start work til sunday so like!!! i have all week!!!!!!#i get to watch youtube on the tv again.... i get to have space to move around and decorate again......#theres soooo much natural light in here augh#I HAVE A FIREPLACE. I HAD A FIRE IN MY FIREPLACE LAST NIGHT HOW CRAZY IS THAT. IN AN APARTMENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!#apparently thats like???? a standard thing for a lot of places here bc the winters get really snowy and cold but it makes me feel so fancy#my brother is visiting today and hes bringing my box of christmas decorations ohhh its gonna be so comfy cozy in here#anyway my desk gets delivered this afternoon and then i have to put it together etc etc BUT LIKE !!!!!! SO SOON#aaaughghghgh. im soooo so so hoping and praying that this job works out because im kind of in love with it here#i got a library card this morning.... the local library is GORGEOUS . and HUGE .#and i wrnt grocery shopping and didnt want to immediately die ???????????#i think thay is a good sign . i think i am in a good place. maybe .#i dont wanna speak too soon bc i Do still have to like my job but . maybe !!!! maybe there is hope for me after all
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