#one of my fave things about small dicks other than them being really cute is that i just. love. dick size difference

[sukugo]

It is just spiritually cleansing to see Anakin with a small dick, it's like it was meant to be... i can just imagine him being pegged by padme, or obi-wan or r2 he's so smol and cute!!!

u get me anon.................. spiritually cleansing indeed ............... it is simply the way of the world

[gabessquishytum]

Okay hear me out: Warprize Hob but he's got a small penis.

When he's first captured and learns what his role is, a part of him thinks the Nightmare King will see him and have him executed or something. But the first night in the king's bed Dream's look is absolutely predatory in the sexiest way. Usually Hob doesn't put up with any of his partners making comments about his size, he puts them in their place if they say anything he doesn't like. But with Dream it's different. Maybe it's because his voice is so low and smooth, but truthfully it's because no matter what Dream says he seems lazer focused on Hob's pleasure.

Dream smirks down and says the most degrading, humiliating things about Hob's cock, tells him how useless it is, how he's lucky his hole is so nice and tight, how Dream could do more with his fingers than Hob's cock... yet he still practically worships it with his hands and mouth. He says things that would normally have Hob snarling, but instead all he can do is whimper and beg as Dream swallows him down. Dream of course is fucking massive, and he rubs their cocks together so Hob can see how ridiculous his prick looks next to Dream's.

Bonus: Hob is subjected to being very thoroughly measured by the palace taylor- all the miniscule numbers announced out loud, of course- because Dream doesn't have any cock cages small enough for him, so he has no choice but to get one specially made for his precious pet~

Fun fact, the small peepee + humiliation/degradation thing is one of my underrated faves!!! Don't ask me why, my kinks are a mystery unto everyone (including me).

Hob squirms under Dream’s attention in a way he never has before. He's never felt particularly bothered about his size til now... but even so the few little inches of his cock are fully hard. When Dream comes up close and uses his finger to measure against Hob’s dick, Hob trembles and tries to disguise how horny all of this is making him.

"How cute." Dream almost giggles. He's poking and prodding at Hob like he's an inanimate object. He even starts addressing Hob’s dick directly - likes he's not even a person! The humiliation burns and his little cock twitches. "What a useless little thing you are. So small, hiding down here. Hardly even bigger than my thumb..."

And then he kisses Hob’s cock like he's worshiping it. Takes it into his mouth and suckles lazily on the hot flesh. Hob whines and squirms and inevitably cums down Dream’s throat - not that's much of his cum, though. Barely a mouthful.

Dream makes sure that everyone knows about his new warprize, and especially about his pretty cocklet. He decorates Hob in jewels and gold, and ties a red ribbon around his prick to highlight just how small it is. Everyone around the palace knows about Hob’s measurements by now and he has to live with the shame... not that it's much of a hardship. Dream is constantly praising him for his other virtues - his strong body, his talented mouth, his vice-tight hole.

And he acts like Hob’s small cock is the hottest thing he's ever seen. For all he insults Hob for his size, ridiculing him until tears prick at the corner of his eyes... Dream is obsessed with those inches a hot, sweet flesh. Constantly taking Hob’s dick in his mouth, teasing it with his fingers, even letting Hob put it inside him occasionally (that inevitably leads to massive humiliation as Hob simply can't satisfy his master like that).

Its really a huge relief for Hob to know that his useless little penis is still loved and adored. Dream definitely won't be letting him go any time soon, no matter how his body looks.

[boxwinebaddie]

Have the CD guys ever read fanfic about themselves?

OH MY GODDSKLHDHLS

YES!!! yES, THEY HAVE!!!

THEY'VE READ TOO MUCH, TBH.

no, because back in the good ole days when the boys were still The Boys and darling scotty had not made his evil fuckboy transformation into Thot, they did a very silly segment on MTV that was sponsored by red bull, who, in my fake ncuniverse, collabed with grey goose,

and released these very crazy 4loko-esqe red/gray alcoholic energy drinks that the CD boys were taste-testing ( yes, they were Gone ) while they dramatically read and re-enacted the most vile, viral sex scenes written about them in aO3 fanfictions. it was...So Good.

( boxwinebaddie DEF made the cut, jsyk. xx )

but anyways, for con-sext, The Boys took turns reading...

kenny carried the whole thing on their back tbh ( all while wearing the skeleken facemask, might i add, which required them to suck their drink through a swirly straw...a lot of sucking jokes were made...smh )

scott, i think, had to pause every five seconds to laugh and when he wasn't, his med-student brain was looking too far into the logistics of all the sex positions and the motivations behind them...love him.

jimmy's performance was phenomenal, obviously, ( comedic legend ) but all the stuttering and slurring required subtitles, i fear. whaaack.

but, uh...speaking of Reading...and being Whack.

i just want to start out by saying...

Ravenstan...I Love You.

God Bless You, Baby.

you really....tried your Very Best.

however...

...that man CANNOT read.

HEEEELPSSK

OOOOOOOOOF. IT WAS /SO/ FUNNY, YOU GUYS.

i need a ten minute super-cut of raven of crimson dawn trying to read because it is SOOOO Unserious. his dyslexia is soooo bad. RIP </3

however, i must say that i admire the confidence in which he very loudly and proudly read out words, smiled very cutely at the camera,

and pRONOUNCED THEM DEAD FUCKING WRONG.

it was god tier comedy, i am not even joking, the boys regularly skipped turns so stan had to read more often...it was that funny, fml.

he would try to read something, sound it out, squint, tilt his head to the right like a small, confused dog and go:

"'his...Personal dick?' but that...doesn't even make SENSE??? pero like, Clearly it's Jimmy's Personal Dick and not someone elses?? so i don't know why xXdrummers-bang-harder-69Xx even Wrote that." :/

please note: scott and jimmy LITERALLY ABOUT TO START CRYING whilst kenny takes a v large slurp of their drink, also trying v hard not to cry like "rae, baby, i'm gonna hold your hand while i say this..."

*literally holds stan's hand.*

"it's not Personally...

...it's *Pulsating*.

'His /PULSATING/ Dick.'"

which i think they figured would’ve cleared that up, but, not enough, i guess bc ravenstan, squinting Again, said

"the stuff.....in orange juice?"

HEEEEELPPPPPP

NOOOOO SKLHSDSKD bABY THAT IS /PULP/.

ft. jimmy shouting "AYOOOOOO! can we get some fanfictions with smaller w-w-words in them? because raven can't r-r-read."

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUTAL!!! BOOOO!!! LAME!!! CORNY!!!

Justice For My Sexy Dyslexy KING!!!! >:O

listen!!! he is Very Nice and Very Pretty, therefore, he does not NEED to know how to Read, okay?!!! he has Other People to read for him, namely, his super smart mega fine Law Student Boyfriend who rEADS TO HIM EVERY NIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! he Won!!!

he did also say 'okay, FUCK YOU GUYS!' and scott legitimately waved the list and (th)said "i think you actually do that in thith next one."

WHICH????? the only thing funnier than stan trying to read on camera, is when they have to read any fic where ravenstan whips out...

…hIS THICK MASSIVE TEN INCH SCHLONG.

when i tell you they were SCREAMING!!!! ohMyGOD.

that was sO FKN FUNNY to them, they were like OH MY GOD, RAVEN PUT THAT THING AWAAAAAAAY!!! ITS TOO LARGE WERE SCARED SKDJSLD dead, actually sooo dead...like their audience did not understand the context of that, but it was SOOOO unserious.

i swear the cd boys fave inside joke is to make an insane amount of out of pocket raven dick jokes in interviews, like i shit you not, they’re like "hi, sorry we're late! raven turned around too fast coming out of the shower, accidentally slapped us in the face with his HUGE DICK and knocked us out cold." SKHDD it happens so often ppl are literally Frothing At The Mouth trying to SEE IT.

smmHHHH.

like, besties...

I'm Gonna Hold Your Hand While I Say This.

HKDSKDSKDKHSDhLKSHDLDSK

Live, Laugh, Love My Boys. <3

-uncle nina, proud mother of four

( or, uh, Three ig )

[nightglider124]

Maybe it is me but I don’t get the vibe that dickkory’s small convo was flippant on either side (i mean a little on dicks at first cos he be like ViSiOnS dOnT eXiSt) but at the end, Kory was like ‘like you said, to hell with visions’ but she seemed so sad about it like she thinks he won’t accept their shared vision bc he doesn’t want it with her. (We all know he does like duh)

I saw some people annoyed that that is all the conversation was but i think it speaks louder than just what was said. I mentioned it on another post but Brentons acting was real good in that scene bc he seems to really wrestle with what to say and although he just says ‘idk’ i think he feels torn. And they’ve also got much bigger issues than that particular vision at this point. Like we can circle back ya know?

Poor Kory though like the convo with Rachel in the beginning when Rae is like did he not tell you and shes just like no he didnt…

Ugh i want the angst. I am also v curious as to when Kory gets hurt since they’ve left off with Jinx dead (for now).

Other thoughts:

I get now why Lisa posted that stupid ass ig story 😂 bc jinx still be into Dick a little it would seem which back off bitch he has a whole child with Kory on the way so leave 😂 nah but I don’t think that will be explored more - i reckon that is more so a wistful thing on Jinx’s part but nothing will come form or at least i hope nothing does cos lets face it she isnt dead dead 🤷🏻‍♀️

Very curious how Jason will be appearing this season. It was said he is in Joshua and Teagans livestream a couple weeks ago. Not that i want to see him but im curious how he slots in in this particular season 🤔

MY BABY GAR 😭 he is going through it and when i tell you i was cryING when he grabbed Kory in a hug like i needed a GarKory hug more than I realized. 😭 I am extremely interested in Gar’s whole story this season. I LOVE that he is finally getting more. He seems to forgotten in other seasons and that is a crime. I worry about baby boy but am super happy that its getting explored more.

On the note of Gar, I’m assuming Sebastian or Brother Blood now I suppose was the one to send them to another existence or dimension but Gar went to the red so I am guessing Gar is separated from the team to begin with in part two of the season. I am v excited for part two of the season for multiple reasons.

Connor irked the shit out of me. I get it; tis his Lex side and I completely understand why but the attitude is so grating. Joshua plays it so fucking well but my God every time he spoke I was like stfu 😂😂

Rachel got her powers back and became White Raven!! I was v surprised to see the white dress and cloak but I was like OOOOOH. Her powers are gonna be fierce af in the second half of the season. And talking of powers, Kory’s having gone up to 80% has me NERVOUS. I bet that is how she gets hurt. I fucking bet she supernovas and fucks herself up. Like why else would they mention it?? 👀 i am scared for my fave in second part. 😭

Tim and Bernard are cute. Like it was sweet when they had that litte scene. And omg when Tim was like we kissed to the team, Kory had like a lil smirk on as did some of the others and Dicks like oh big night for everyone then - loved it.

Jinx may annoy me cos of the whole Dick history and clearly being into him still but she really does have me giggling. When she got stabbed i was like aw gurl ya took too long with taunting her frozen self 🙄 but I appreciated in the RV when she was like ‘i could take her out, fucking nut her’ feels so fucking British and I greatly appreciated it. I literally hear people talk like that all the time so I enjoyed that part 👀😂

I can’t think of much else now but I liked the episode. Wasn’t the absolute best imo but it will tide me over til second part of the season which I hope is sooner rather than later- anyone know when it’s meant to be returning??

[heartofholland]

tom recs <3

hi guys! here is a fic rec list i made of all the fics i’ve loved. personally, i consider myself an avid fic reader so i have read a shit ton of fics. these are just my highlights. let me know if you want more like this! and if you do end up reading any of these please make sure you REBLOG them to spread the goodness. these writers work their ass off and deserve all the credit in the world. enjoy! <3

SERIES

riding my by @worldoftom this fic is barely started but i love everything this writer puts out. very smutty, very hot. innocence kink check!

breaking curfew by @wazzupmrstark ASSHOLE TOM! my weakness. enemies to lovers but make it FWB. what I wish my summer camp was like instead of my thighs sticking to chairs and lice outbreaks.

eighteen by @angelic-holland corruption/innocence kink! basically all smut but damn do i want bad boy tom.

the situationship by @fairytelling can’t say enough about this fic. the definition of falling in love with your best friend. if my relationship isn’t like this i don’t want it.

happiness is a butterfly by @blissfulparker soft mob!tom and they’re forbidden soulmates! updates are WELL worth the wait!

i only feel you by @stuckonspidey the first time i read my watch thought i was working out for how high my heart rate was. shit keeps you on your toes. there is a sequel fic but just a heads up you will want to unstan tom on multiple occasions.

make me love you by @mrs-hollandstan frat boy player tom turned soft. mans does a whole 180. fuck dom.

perfidy by @peeterparkr couldn’t be more obsessed with this fic. they’re both so fucking stupid but too afraid to get hurt. also the social media posts are so fucking cute and crucial to the story 

eloped by @worldoftom getting married to tom in the most beautiful vacation spot? sign me the fuck up

you. by @txmhoelland i think there’s definely worse men to be set up with as a PR stunt.

erotas by @farfromparker i have definely read this fic for more days than i’ve been on this earth but every time i lose my goddamn mind

dare you to move by @starksparker-archive the best version of FWB tom is when you’re his roommate…

gone by @dahliaspidey this one… hurts. but i just know it will bounce back.

take me out by @angelic-holland warning this one is really dark. like serial killers. but it was so fascinating i am completely obsessed with the psychology of it all. jake is featured and please don’t imagine the mr. music the entire time like i did </3

single all the way by @heyhihellowhatsup0 i read this whenever i need a lil christmas pick me up

sweetener by @keepingupwiththeparkers cute awkward relationship. it is so real i feel like it could actually happen to me.

ex on the beach by @heyhihellowhatsup0 THE ANGST GIVES ME LIFE

SMUT

bartender by @t-o-m-holland tom happens to own your favorite bar. your subtle flirts aren’t working. the banter between reader and the fam makes me wish i didn't have social anxiety.

siren by @rosyparkers don’t get me wrong i will scream ACAB til the day i die but police officer tom could definitely get it.

best of three by @mrs-hollandstan one of the 3000 threesome fics i have saved. imagine not getting one of the hottest men but TWO.

roommates by @hollandbaby what a coincidence we both want to fuck each other! this checks all the kinks my man. i’ve read this probably no less than 100 times.  

that was that by @moorehollandplz dom!tom but something flips and he’s never been more gentle. mans got both sides of the playing field covered.

know your enemy by @angelic-holland short but sweet. hate sex is always hotter behind the scenes.

wasabi by @angelic-holland literally everything about alice is phenomenal but this is on of my faves. when i read this it makes me feel smarter. also body shots.

say good night by @madmadmilk this writers work never fails to blow me away but this time she managed to encapsulate my entire life. (minus the execution with a very hot and experienced best friend).

buwygf-ib by @hholyholland just ignore tomdaya for a sec and take in the hottest dom!tom i’ve ever witnessed.

cocky by @sykoxartist yeah he’s an asshole but he’s your asshole. at least that’s what he thinks.

sovereign by @farfromparker sub!tom is so hot. man will beg for DAYS.

summer vacation by @kidney9-9  when is hate sex ever like…. not hot as fuck?

ride by @tomhollandsstan face riding. period.

coincidence by @starshinebucky actor!reader and tom fuck… at least they’ll have good chemistry next time.

skin by @hollandbaby dom!tom is not ok with being a sub. unless it’s for you.

you can bet on it by @kiwi-bitchez all of this writers smut makes my pussy throb. this is my fave. just wait for the twist.

a rose blooms by @cornacopicimagines prince!tom drives me wild. but wait til he finds out you’re not a virgin.

begging by @raewritesfiction tom makes you beg for it.

self reflection by @stuckonspidey this is actual proof tom has a praise kink.

minor inconvenience by @angel-spidey toms an idiot but at least he can get you off.

flesh by @starshinebucky cocky tom kills me.

keeping him nice and warm by @marvelouspeterparker mob!tom the gif itself to sends me.

after hours by @cornacopicimagines never had sexual tension with a teacher but this will do.

ANGST

josslyn by @multiharlot messy situation but reader handles it like a champ. if your heart isn’t broken enough, the last line will make sure it’s unfixable for days on end.  

moral of the story by @kelieah listen to the song while you’re at it to make your cry sesh take a turn for the worst. 

cherry by @xoluvx this one hurts real bad. so does the song. 

a complicated love story by @samhollandssweaters an emotional rollercoaster for real.

he dies in the end by @allfandomxreader ignore the title and just cry your eyes out with me.

eighteen by @fancyxholland you’ll be confused why it’s in the angst category but trust me.

all the lies by @peteywillproceed getting cheated on but the girl is toms gf, how do you tell him. 

memories by @nycparkers i sob to this whenever i need a good cry. 

don’t be a fool by @nycparkers breakups that dont end messily make me so fucking jealous.

FLUFF

kiss currency by @madmadmilk borderline smut. confused and oblivious harrison. dialogue inspires me to talk to males.  

plank all over me by @waitimcomingtoo FILRTY TOM! THE BANTER! i really am a whore for well written dialogue. there’s additional parts but i won’t spoil.

 playing cupid by @marvelobsessedteenager you set everyone else up but wait a damn minute how did you forget about tom?

 little flirt by @webslinger-holland oh to flirt with tom while he’s sweaty from intensely dancing for the lip sync battle.

pour it out by @rhapsodyparker i don’t know what it is but famous!reader going on talk shows or having interviews and they ask the reader cheeky questions about tom might be one of my many kinks…

hubby by @t-holland2080 it’s the small things that make me want to bawl my eyes out for being so lonely.

going live by @redrebecca the dialogue makes me cry of happiness! tom doing a live (what a concept).

paddy’s crush by @tom-holland-is-spiderman jealous tom but of his younger brother.

 wannabe by @sailingintothenight the cliffhanger at the end demands a second part.

flawless by @missnxthingg  tom is a simp.

you and me by @sunshinehollandd best friend tom makes me soft.

dick appointments. web shooters. the duality of a man. by @porterporker  it gets a lil steamy but man is “web shooter” a funny name for a dick.

best day by @thollandss dad!tom gives me baby fever even though i am a virg.

 tom asks your dad by @blissfulparker can i just skip through the bad boyfriends and just marry the love of my life already.

baked chicken by @waitimcomingtoo there isn’t a category for awkward but if there was this would be in it.

lover boy by @starshinebucky  tom being so oblivious you like him that you need to call for backup.

afterglow by @wickedholland i wish someone would treat me like this when im drunk instead of leaving me to hold my own hair back.

[incoherentbabblings]

I really love you blog!! I was wondering if you had any comic rec for timsteph or for tim&cass in particular I'm trying to read more of his canon stuff. Also what are your thoughts on Helena?

Hi! Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying the dumping of thoughts 🤭

Helena is a perfect example of a byronic hero and I love her very much. Compassion and anger perfectly blended together. I have not read Birds of Prey so I have missed most of her character development moments, but I think I'm one of the few who adore her New 52 appearances, specifically in Grayson. She's not the same character, but both versions I think are pretty neat. I do miss her and Tim's relationship, and I think it would be deeply funny if she had ended up adopting Tim after his father's death rather than Bruce. What a nightmare that would have been.

For TimSteph comic recs see here - I put my fave issues together for them just the other day! It's not comprehensive, but it's the issues of them I enjoy and the ones that colour my reading of them the most.

As for Tim and Cass... Apologies if I skip some titles here and there - it has been a good five years since I have read Cass's solo stuff (except no apologies for skipping one year later stuff, I'm trying to keep it about them growing closer). This is roughly in chronological order. Hopefully I haven't missed anything too major!

Early Days

Legends of the Dark Knight (1989) #120 - First Meeting. They don't have much to do with eachother for the remainder of No Man's Land, but a couple more moments can be found in:

Robin (1993) #73 - "She's my guardian angel? To tell you the truth, she kind of gives me the creeps."

Batgirl (2000) #18 - Tim apologises for judging Cass

More under the cut~

Working Together

Bruce Wayne Murderer/Fugitive - They don't pop up much together in the whole arc but I still think it's worth reading the trades for this storyline because it's just a very good Batfam story when Bruce isn't being intensely annoying and moping and being unhelpful. Babs, Tim, Dick and Cass actually do the investigating and crime solving, so it's a good arc to read for them if you want to read more canon stuff.

Batgirl (2000) #30-32 - Tim pops up halfway through, but this is a fun little arc staring a Connor Hawke, Tim, Steph and Cassandra team up.

Gotham Knights (2000) #45 - Part of a larger arc of Bruce's parenting skills being called into question, Cass, Tim and Dick have a sweet interaction which shows her sort of within and outwith relationship to the Wayne Family at the time

Batgirl (2000) #45 - Tim finds the Batgirl suit a turn on. This is slightly disturbing in hindsight but hey. It only becomes relevant again when Steph puts it on years later.

Superman/Batman (2003) #5 - Batfam and Superfam of the early 2000s comes to the aid of Batman and Superman after they're made enemies of Luthor's government. Tim and Cass have a cute interaction here, showing they're more playful now.

Gotham Knights (2000) #46 - Pretty sure this is one of the most morally awful things the batfam have ever done, tormenting this poor dude for shits and giggles, but Tim and Cass have some good banter. #47-49 follow this, a small arc about Bane's ongoing parental crisis. Cass potentially makes Tim soil himself with her flying. Quite amusing.

Losing Stephanie

Robin and Batgirl Fresh Blood (Issues 132, 58, 133, 59 of their series) - Tim and Cass after Steph's murder move to Bludhaven. It's sad and painful and awkward and neither of them know how to comfort the other.

Batman Allies Secret Files and Origins (2005) and their story 'Taking Sides'. I really like this short story.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I am now going to skip most of the rest of the 2000s for Tim and Cass.

You can ask a Cass centric blog why. It's too long to get into here.

Nearing Flashpoint

Red Robin (2009) #17 and #25 - Tim goes to efforts to bring Cass home and back to Gotham

Gates of Gotham (2011) - Tim successfully gets Cass to come home to Gotham.

Post Flashpoint

They sadly do not get much one on one time after 2011. Cass returns in Batman and Robin Eternal in 2015, but I can't genuinely recommend it due to Tim and Cass have little to no contact time, and what there is, is not... hugely informative. They also star together in Tynion's Detective Comics run (#934-981) but Tim is out of the picture between #940 and #967 (for Cass at least). There's a couple of sweet moments here and there, but largely they do their own thing distinctly from each other.

And that's it really! :( I wish they had more...

Still, I hoped this helped anon! Enjoy!

[taki118]

Go Watch the Venture Brothers

So just heard the complete and utter Bullshit news that Adult Swim has cancelled one of (if not the best shows) they have the Venture Bros. This series is one of those shows that for WHATEVER reason never got to the level of fandom Rick and Morty has even though they’ve been at the genre parody game longer and in my opinion better. 

The series is about Rusty Venture former boy adventurer and failing super scientist who in an attempt to keep his head above water in debt goes around with his two boys Hank and Dean, and bodyguard Brock on misadventues while various legal archnemisis go after him, such as the Monarch. 

So if you never watched or never heard of this 7 season series let me give you a break down on why you should, 

1) Art Style & Animation

Venture bros is one of those rare Adult aimed animated series that that really truly tries to utilize their medium to the best of their abilities. Season 1 had like such a small budget and corners had to be cut so it can be a little hard to watch at times. 

But with each passing season they get a little better, a little more fluid, go just a little harder and it truly feels rewarding to watch. Like seeing an artist you follow online improve over the years. Like they COULD have stayed with the choppy and stiff animation from season 1 it fit right in with its fellow adult animated shows but it didn’t. They strove for quality to have something that matched the story they were telling.

2) The Writing 

Venture Bros has some of the tightest and consistently great writing of ANY serialized show I’ve seen, adult, animated or other wise. Wanna know why? Cause it’s all done by TWO people (save for like one ep each season where one other person is allowed to touch their baby). Yeah TWO people and they work their asses off every season to interject, humor, refrences, parody, plot and character development in equal measure. 

3) Character Development

Um yes in case you were wondering that’s right an adult animated show has CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT  that holds as the series goes on. Not to give spoilers but characters will go through changes in alignment, relationships will develop and change, some characters will go through negative arcs where they are straight up unbareable for a season before coming out the other side even better than they were before. There is no end of epsiode or even end of season reset. Characters, settings, and dynamics all change over the course of the show and it feels just so god damn good.

4) Story Development 

Just like the characters the story of the Venture Bros grows and changes each season. Things that are set up even as early as season one are paid off as the series goes on. Like not to be that bitch but you know how RIck and Morty teases an overarching plot ALL THE TIME but like will often just spit in the face of fans hoping for more than like one episode a season addressing it? Yeahhhhhhh that doesnt happen here, fans are consistently rewarded for putting the time in to rewatch and really think about what happened in the series. Characters that are seen in the background or are just referenced by other characters will be brought in to be recurring characters, things that start off as a small detail or gag will be given larger relevance and each time they do this you get that “OH I remember that from last season! So thats what it was!” The writers WANT you to rewatch, they WANT you to analyze and they WANT you to theorize, and they give you a show that gives back the time you put in.

5) Parody & Reference 

This series does a great thing with parody. They make real characters  who are just as enjoyable as the characters they parody, they make story lines that both poke fun at the absurdity of the media but shows the writers love for it. So often parody and references are just used to mock the thing but with Venture Bros you feel the love and care so when you know the thing being parodied you can laugh but feel good about laughing cause they are never laughing at a thing maybe you cared for in your youth but rather laughing with it.

And it’s never just one thing. When they parody a thing its often layered with other things to make it even more unique. Scooby-Doo is overlayed with famous criminals, Laura Croft is mixed Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, GI Joe is given the look of the Village People and so on. They never go for the easy joke or reference. Hell theres an episode that starts with them reciting the lyrics to David Bowies Space Oddity for really no reason other than they could. They weave these things in naturally with their setting and characters so nothing feels out of place. Like if you dont catch a reference or parody you dont feel like “I think this isa reference to something?” like a LOT of things do not just adult animated shows. You arent taken out of the moment cause it all feels so natural. 

6) The Characters 

God damn these characters, I could go on for hours about these characters. From main to one off these are some of the most likeable characters you can find. I mean it when I say I can’t think of a single character I wish they had cut cause they are all so well created. Even the ones I hate i have fun hating cause they were made to be that way. I’ll be good though I’ll only talk about my absolute top faves.

- The Monarchs

You ever sit and wish villain couples could have functional  healthy relationships? Well look no further than Malcom Fitzcarraldo aka The Monarch and Dr. Shelia Girlfriend (yes that is her last name). The Monarch is a high strung impulsive saturday morning cartoon villain whos tendency to over react is only matched by his unspecified hatred of Dr. Venture. And Dr. G is his nonsense partner in crime who will cut a bitch if they don’t play by their admittedly weird rules. Both characters are great on their own but are better together. Though that doesnt mean they always get along. Like a real couple they have their ups and downs they fight, break up, make-up and grow stronger in their relationship with each season. 

- Shore Leave

Ok ok so I want you to imagine James Bond, mixed with GI Joe simmering in a cocktail of the most flamboyant gay men you have ever seen and you have one of my favorite gay characters/characters in general. Shore Leave is a member of OSI (the shows SHEILD/GI Joe parody organization) he’s loud, brash, flippant, sassy and highly competent at his job loving every second of getting to beat bad guys down within an inch of their life. I love seeing him play off the stoic Brock and the two have this great brotherly dynamic that’s never called into question. He also gets to have a very cute romance with Al the Alchemist (who is also great). I could talk about this man all day.

- Dr. Rusty Venture

They did such a good job with this man. He’s a self serving, sexist, perverted, whinny, self important asshole and yet you feel pity and genuine sympathy for him and want him to succeed. You can see how Dr. V was given a raw deal by his father who seemed to care more about his adventures than his sons well being and how this molded him into the bitter man he is today, but on the flip side you can see where he chose to use that as a crutch for his worst behaviors and impulses. Seeing him slowly grow and change and be an actual good father to his boys while all the while still be a giant dick is actually really great. 

- Dr. Byron Orpheus 

Ahhhhh Dr. Orpheus part Dr. Strange Parody part busybody stay at home dad, he’s just such a delight. Dr. Orpheus is a divorcee, with an unfulfilling job of maintaining order to the cosmos (which isnt as hard as one might think), and uses his magical ablities in ways most of us would (ie menial tasks and home chores). Overly dramatic and affectionate Dr. O is a delight whenever he appears, but he’s at his best around his daughter and old friends The Order of the Triad. 

Again I can go on but all these characters ranging from main to recurring are crafted with the utmost care for you to want to see them succeed or fail, to see them again even if you know it’ll never happen, and want them to cross paths with other characters. 

The Venture Bros is one of those series that I will ALWAYS recommend even to the pickiest of humor tastes. But if you don’t believe its as good as I said or don’t think the concept is to your tastes I’ll recommend a few eps that I think best show off the base idea of the series without giving much away. In terms of plot and spoilers, though somethings wont make a lot of sense. 

- S1 ep10 "Tag Sale – You're It!" - Dr. V is having a yard sale so of course all manner of costumed weirdos show up.  - S2 ep5 "Twenty Years to Midnight" - basically a fetch quest around the world to save the planet with daddy issues - S3 ep2 "The Doctor Is Sin" - Again daddy issues but with one of the best recurring characters and a great showcase of the series deeper emotional plots - S4 ep6 "Self-Medication" - Really embraces the parody as Rusty goes to a former boy adventurer support group.  Anyway the show is 7 seasons with 80 episodes, please go watch it. I will never forgive @adultswim​ for cancelling what was to be their final season. And in closing GO TEAM VENTURE!

[purrincess-chat]

Cat’s Not-All-Encompassing Character Ranking

Okay, so I have to admit that I omitted a lot of characters I don't have strong opinions on. Most of them were one-off akumas, so don't get your panties in a twist, your faves are probably still on here (and ranked lower than you think).

As a preface again, these are just my personal opinions. They can't hurt you. You can still like characters more or less than me. And I don't care how you feel about them. This list is for me. And the person that asked for it. So shut up. Go make your own rank list if you’re so butthurt. 

We're going in reverse order this time, starting from the bottom:

84. Gabriel Agreste- I mean, is anyone surprised? I am not private about how I think Gabriel should go to jail. Or fall off a cliff. Or be erased from existence. Rip to those that like him, but I’m different.

83. Thomas Astruc- Honestly, he’s down here on principle. Self-inserts are generally a no-no, and I just laugh every time I see him on screen because he really put himself in this show and said boohoo no one appreciates me XD

82. Bob Roth- I feel like this one should also be obvious. He’s just a dick. Terrible human. I give him 0 stars.

81. Tomoe Tsurugi- We all collectively hate her, right? It’s not just me?

80. Su Han- This mans has small peepee energy. And he bad mouthed Fu, so get FUCKED, my dude.

79. Rolland Dupain- Listen, I get it, he liked Marinette in the end, but I could do without the racism.

78. Nathalie Sancoeur- My opinion of Nathalie took a nosedive after the s2 finale. I just do not care that she is in love with her boss. Don’t care that she’s dying. Just do not have it in me.

77. XY- Justin Bieber ass wannabe.

76. Nora Cesiare- I didn’t care for Nora. I know Thomas loves her, but the overbearing sibling trope is tired.

75. Anarka Couffaine- I underestimated how much I don’t really like her. Like, it’s not full-on hate, but I just do not care for her.

74. Otis Cesaire- Got akumatized because a kid said he could outrun a panther. I’m still not over it, Otis.

73. Andre Bourgeois- No love for the crooked mayor. I hope your wife divorces you. 

72. Alec Cataldi- The real villain of Stormy Weather. Like fr why is he such an asshole?

71. Roger Raincomprix- Is Officer Roger just doing his best? Sometimes. But like sometimes this mans just needs to take a chill pill.

70. M. D'Argencourt- Please get out of the 1600s

69. Ella/Etta- These two are basically the same character, and I am indifferent to both of them.

68. KnightOwl/Barbara- Listen, I would have liked you more if you were less controlling.

67. Majestia- Same as above, but like I guess I like you more

66. Theo- *Mean Girls principal voice* Stay away from underaged girls!

65. Andre the ice cream man- I just want a scoop of chocolate, Andre. Is that too much to ask??

64. Amelie Graham de Vanily- We haven’t seen much of her, but she seems like a snake bitch.

63. M. Kubdel- I mean, if my son wanted to resurrect an ancient mummy and believed in aliens, I’d give the family heirloom to my daughter too.

62. Jalil Kubdel- Lolol, buddy, pal, dude, my guy. Chill.

61. Vincent (Adrien's photographer)- Head empty. Mom’s spaghetti. Idk he’s alright.

60. Manon- I don’t hate Manon. She just gets on my nerves every time she talks.

59. M. Ramier- This mans got akumatized a billion times because he gets emotional about pigeons. I mean, honestly mood.

58. Mme. Mendeleiev- She doesn’t put up with Chloe’s shit, and we respect her for this.

57. Baby August- Someone just give this mans some food. He’s a growing boy.

56. Santa Claus- If I were Santa, I too would list Ladybug as the best kid in the world.

55. Art Teacher- He doesn’t even have a name, but I vibe with him. He seems like he likes to paint scenes of nature with his pet squirrels.

54. Prince Ali- Lil mans just wanted to have a good time. I can respect that.

53. Duusu- Duusu, I get that your Miraculous was broken, but get with the program, girl. You is a hostage.

52. Other Kwamis- Idk, all the ones we haven’t seen as much. I don’t have real opinions on them yet. Just neutral.

51. Sass- He gives me dad vibes.

50. M. Damocles- You go, you funky owl man

49. Jean (Chloe's Butler)- He deserves a raise. What is your name, sir? We may never know.

48. Mireille Caquet- She’s pretty cute. No complaints.

47. Aurore Beaureal- Baby’s first akuma. I love her design. She’s a cutie.

46. Claudie Kante (Max’s mom)- This womans just wanted to go to space and live her dream. We stan a hardworking queen.

45. Hot Dog Dan- I like him more than Andre the ice cream fraud. Sure, my hotdog might turn me purple, but if I ask for chili on it, I bet he’d oblige.

44. Nadja Chamack- I mean, she’s doing her best.

43. Audrey Bourgeois- So, as I said in the episode ranking, I have a love-hate relationship with Audrey. She’s the worst, but that’s why I love her. I love her ironically. Like, yeah she’s atrocious, but I just want to watch her burn the world.

42. Luka Couffaine- Directly in the middle, like he’s always been.

41. Nathaniel Kurtzberg- My opinion of Nath improved after Reverser surprisingly. I ship it.

40. Chris Lahiffe- I like Chris better than Ella/Etta. He’s just a little mans out here living life wanting to grow up. Don’t believe it, Chris. Stay little forever. Being an adult suuuuucks.

39. Fang the Crocodile- The goodest boy.

38. Nooroo- I just want to give him a hug.

37. Mlle. Bustier- She’s doing her best, but I mean, when ya whole class keeps getting turned into supervillains, I’m surprised she’s not an alcoholic.

36. Penny Rolling- I just like her. I think she’s neat.

35. Ondine- Mermaid queen! She’s so sweet, and I love her with Kim. I hope we see more of her in the future.

34. Marc Anciel- Marc is a little cutie bean. Idc if he’s based off one of Thomas’s irl friends. He can stay.

33. Wayzz- He loves Master Fu so much I cry.

32. Felix Graham de Vanily- I know everyone hates canon Felix, but tbh he exudes massive chaotic neutral gremlin energy, and I actually kinda vibe with that. And he pisses with his uncle which is a whole ass mood.

31. Tikki- Tikki is very cute, but bby please work on the preaching. You don’t always know what’s right, babe.

30. Sabrina Raincomprix- Sabrina deserves better. I hope we see good things happen for her.

29. Lila Rossi- Surprised? I actually like Lila. The first fic I ever wrote for this fandom was a Lila redemption. I think she is a good antagonist and foil to Marinette. I absolutely want to see her get dunked on in canon, but that doesn’t mean I hate her.

28. Wayhem- I don’t know why, but Wayhem makes me laugh. I love him XD

27. Uncle Cheng- He’s just a good mans with a birb who wants to make you tasty food. What’s not to like?

26. Trixx- Trixx shot up after GoS. Chaotic bean make Eiffel Tower go bendy

25. Jess- She’s pretty cool. She’s a vibe.

24. Aeon- The cutest bean!!! She saw Adrien and Marinette and said yep. Those two are meant to be together. Jess, we gotta make it happen.

23. Ivan Bruel- Ivan is such a gentle bean. We love him.

22. Mylene Haprele- Smol

21. Fei Wu- I still have not watched the Shanghai special with subs, but I liked her.

20. Gina Dupain- The grandma I aspire to be.

19. Marianne Lenoir- I love her. She is good. She and Fu are so cute. And she seems like she would have kicked le ass back in the day. (and even now)

18. Rose Lavillant- I am so excited for Pigella!! Rose is too cute. We love her. 

17. Gorilla- aka Adrien’s real dad. If the series doesn’t end with Gabriel getting yeeted into the stratosphere and Gorilla adopting Adrien, I don’t want it.

16. Clara Nightingale- She’s in love with Marinette. You can’t change my mind. 16 is also how old I hc her to be, so don’t nobody come for me.

15. Tom Dupain- Most. Supportive. Dad. Soft bean. Just wants to make you fresh bread.

14. Sabine Cheng- Good mom vibes. We love to see her.

13. Juleka Couffaine- Shy goth bean. Just wants to have her picture taken. Definitely a lesbian. We stan.

12. Nino Lahiffe- The goodest boy. He’s just out here doing his best, loving his friends.

11. Chloe Bourgeois- Chloe is another one I have a love-hate relationship with. Her brattiness is funny to me. We had high hopes for her. Honestly, she ranks this high because I like to play with her in fic.

10. Max Kante- He smol and smort. And I adore his friendship with Kim and the fact that he made an AI himself at 14. What a legend.

9. Alya Cesaire- Rip to Alya salters, but I’m different. Outside of Chameleon, Alya is fine. She’s a supportive bff. All yall people that are mad she doesn’t kiss Marinette’s ass all the time need to go out and make real friends. I said what I said.

8. Alix Kubdel- I love Alix. I love how she is always so done with all the lovey-dovey bullshit. She is tiny queen, and Bunnix, while OP af, is still super cool. We love to see her.

7. Kagami Tsurugi- I will fight anyone who shits on Kagami. She has done nothing wrong, you guys are just haters. All she did was exist, and yall said, wow what a toxic bitch?? Disgraceful.

6. Jagged Stone- We are going to ignore the deadbeat dad trope that canon thrust upon him. He is a Marinette stan, and we love that.

5. Kim Le Chien- I really love Kim, you guys. Does that surprise you? Listen, my favorite male character types are sweet beans and himbos. Kim is both of these.

4. Master Fu- If you didn’t pick up on how much I love Fu from the episodes ranking, then idk what to tell you. I want him to be my grandpa. I would trust this mans with my life. He did his best. You paint those pictures, you funky little man. I love you.

3. Plagg- My galaxy trash man. Love him. 10/10 chefs kisses all around.

2. Adrien Agreste- The biggest Marinette stan there is. I just want him to kiss her on the face. And marry her. Idk, I just think that would be neat if he could do that. I just want good things for them.

1. Marinette Dupain-Cheng- Honestly, are you surprised? I have always been and always will be a Marinette stan. If you expected anyone else to be in this spot, then clown suit rentals are off to the left.

[fonulyn]

I need to scream about RE ID bc like. Did I enjoy it? Yeah, I did. Was it. Just wrapped up way too nicely and quickly? Also yeah. I was a little disappointed by it tho, like the length, and the flashback scenes weren't as clear as I think they should have been? Like I understood what was happening, but it took me a little too much brain power to like keep up with what was and wasn't a flashback lmao

Also I wanna say, I get wanting to keep Jun See alive but god, that did not look fun. Just let him die, dude, no one wants to live like that, smh.

Thank god they kept Leon's one liners tho, like thank you for that at least lol also Claire, my GIRL, I love her holy shit. Honestly she was amazing, like, just perfect. Not sure why she has a gun in the promotional poster, bc she just. Never has a gun throughout the entire show, I don't think? Also can we talk about how she took that guy down with that lamp, and then hopped on top of him just fucking ready to continue to beat the shit out of him? Chris would be so proud 🥲

Okay also, I saw what you said with that flirting scene, and I agree that it seemed like Leon was trying to lighten the mood, but it so didn't need to be put in there at all @ the writers. Like this show could have gotten away with no romance, or just that one moment near the end with Claire and Leon (which, I don't ship them much, and that moment at the v end where she was like "are you ever gonna stop treating me like a kid?" And he responded with "probably not" or whatever kind of ruined whatever was shown earlier? Like it feels like she's had that convo with Chris before too, so I'm like hm no don't imply romance and then imply that he treats her like a little kid every time they run into each other, now it's weird lol) and been fine. None of the story was contingent on any kind of romance between anyone.

Now with that said, can I just say Patrick absolutely wanted to suck Leon's dick? Like he was smitten, and I bet you they at least fuck after all this is said and done, if not date for a short period of time. I thought they were gonna kill Patrick off, I'm glad they didn't tho, he was v wholesome lol.

Also I wanna mention that every serious moment (save a small handful) I just. I couldn't take it seriously, it was too over the top. Acid? Really? That's the self destruct measure? Slowly rising acid? I dunno, that doesn't seem quite right to me, I don't think that's how it works lol

Honestly they should have just made this into a new movie, bc making it a series implies more to follow and in general a longer narrative, but these eps were barely 20 minutes each, so there's almost no point splitting it like that. Did I enjoy myself? Yeah, I always do when Leon is involved, but it could have been so much better.

Also the silly little shipper in me is kind of desperate for more interaction between Chris and Leon, bc as far as I'm aware it's just RE6, RE vendetta, and RE ID (and I think the person who told Chris to save Claire in either code x or Veronica was Leon? Not 100% about that tho lol) where they actually interact with each other, and considering that they're the two main characters of the franchise, they should probably meet up more? Idk, that's just my gay ass hoping for more Chreon content lmao but still.

ANYWAYS yeah, I would rate the show like a 7.5/10? It wasn't amazing but it wasn't garbage, either. Probably my least favorite of the four animated movies tbh, but I will take the Leon content, thank you Capcom. Also it was interesting to see Leon around the time following/around RE4 and RE degeneration, I thought, I dunno.

oh boy I agree 100% it was wrapped up way too quickly in the end. like killing Jason? by just dropping him in the acid? it was way too simple and easy if you ask me. and like, why didn't he yeet Leon into the acid when he had him by the throat? him not killing Leon makes zero sense to me??

asdfg yeah I get they weren't ready to let Jun See go, but I bet Jun See really would've preferred to go...

I am so happy that they kept the one liners!! Leon felt very, very in character which I loved so much. I was afraid they'd tone it down or make him super serious or so, and it was such a relief they didn't. he was so eager to help and so goddamn kind to everyone I don't know if my heart can even handle it ;;;;;

also Claire!! so badass!! I loved the part where she attacked the guy with the lamp (yes Chris would be super proud haha) and THE HEADBUTT seriously, one of the top highlights of the entire series :'D

(but honestly this is gonna get long i'mma gonna hit that read more here)

and the flirting scene, I do think they could've left it out entirely and it felt a little strong-armed in. but I'm trying to look at the silver lining? Leon was super goddamn adorable in it, like, so cute it hurts :'D and Shen May didn't seem bothered really, it was more this joking thing between them. so while yes, it was unnecessary, i'm focusing on the joking feel of it and choosing to interpret it as such :'D

also, can I just say, the "romantic moment" with Claire and Leon near the end didn't feel very romantic to me? I know it's a romcom cliché (or at least a fanfic cliché lmao) how they ended up in a pile after the rescue but ...it didn't scream romance to me? although I do kind of like the pairing! (not a top fave but a cute one)

and yes, the whole "when are you gonna stop treating me like a kid?" "probably never" felt SO much like a sibling moment!! such big brother energy from Leon, and I don't know, that made me super duper happy?? I want them to be friends. I neeeed them to be friends gdi. which is why I am unhappy with how mad Claire seemed to be at Leon in the end and how they left it off like they did. I am hoping that it sets things up for a second season? and they for whatever reason need them on kind of the opposing sides at first? because otherwise it makes no sense to me for her to be that disappointed in him. in Degeneration they already establish they work in different ways towards the same goal, and for that to do a 180 now feels... like a disservice to the characters? idk?

lmaooooo but yes Patrick 100% wanted to suck Leon's dick he didn't even try to be subtle about it :'D idk I would've wanted Patrick to have more depth and screentime too, i so wish they would've made it a longer series and given the characters more development. because I liked pretty much all of the new characters they introduced! but it feels none of them reached their actual potential!

then again that is kind of the whole deal with resident evil in general, they set up awesome characters and end up wasting them half of the time :'D guess i shouldn't be surprised.

THE SLOWLY RISING ACID PISSED ME OFF lmaooo c'mon!! it doesn't seem like a good self destruct measure. especially since ...you'd need different acid to dissolve organic matter and to dissolve inorganic matter if we're being nitpicky. and how would it be plausible for them to store enough of it safely to even do this?? they should've just detonated the whole place and blown it to smithereens or something, the acid was. stupid.

i agree, it feels like a movie. but I think @tirsynni is probably right when saying that it was sort of a test run to see if they should make more? which I am so hoping for. because even with the complaints I have of this, I DID enjoy it, a lot!! and I do want more! and maybe this time we get Claire and Leon actually working together for more than fifteen seconds! :'D

also I definitely would not say no to more Chris and Leon interactions. (yes it was Leon who told Chris to save Claire :) at least that) it... in general makes no sense to me how capcom seems to think friendships work? like how Sherry is all "Leon and Claire are my best friends" and then they imply they haven't met in years? if not more? idek it's. weird. it's like their characters go into storage containers in between their missions to be stored away so they can't even accidentally have personal lives or friendships or anything. weird.

(what I said about having amazing characters and ending up wasting their potential? yeah)

for me, personally, it's... well, my score for the show would depend on whether I just focus on the characterizations and what I liked, or if I try to actually take the plot and all into account too :'D but I did like this more than Degeneration! already the fact that Leon has actual facial expressions is enough to put it way above that one. (and for the record, I don't hate Degeneration either, I do like it, but... Leon is such a cardboard cutout with zero personality in it, it's super frustrating)

idk I think I need to still process this a bit to see how I will like it in the end :'D there are things i'm super hyped about in it, and things i'm disappointed in, let's see how they'll weigh in the overall experience eventually.

[staruplatinum]

Since Risotto was requested multiple times for the nsfw alphabet, I decided to do the whole thing for him. (And because he’s my fave and I’m biased 🤷🏻‍♀️🖤)

Full nsfw alphabet (A-Z ) for Risotto Nero below the cut!

A = Aftercare

He’s very concerned for his s/o always after sex. Massages, Baths, tea...Anything they need he will do for them, no matter what it is. Even if La Squadra keeps him busy, he values your aftercare more and will do what he can to help.

B = Body part

On himself, he really likes his chest. He works out almost every day to keep his physique so nice, and he likes when people look at it or appreciate it. He also, obviously, likes his cock. It’s something he’s very proud of but he doesn’t boast about it. (That cock is legendary)

On his s/o, he loves tiny physiques, mainly because he has a size kink. (Lets be real here though, most people are going to be tiny compared to him!) he also appreciates people’s eyes, as he believes that eyes are the key to ones soul. If we’re talking sexually, he has a thing for asses. He loves to grab them with his big hands, or even spank them.

C = cum

Risotto doesn’t really have a prefrence as to where he cums. It all depends on the moment. If you’re giving him a blowjob, he’ll be happy to cum down your throat or on your face. If he’s fucking you, he’s fine with cumming inside, mainly because he’s a little lazy to pull out. But as I said, there’s no real preference. He cums a lot!! Way more than average, and his cum tastes kind of salty, but it’s not unpleasant.

D = dirty secret

Once he used his stand to help him camouflage in his s/o’s room, only to find them masturbating and moaning his name over and over. Risotto felt awful and embarrassed for watching them (without them knowing) but he was also glad he did. It turned him on so much seeing his beloved s/o beg for him like that, wishing he was there. If only they knew...

E = Experience

He has plenty. I mean, he’s 28 years old so it’s only normal that he’d have sex a few times. He knows what he’s doing!

F = favourite position

Risotto likes a lot of positions — but he’s limited to what he can do. Especially because of his size. He’s really tall, so 69 won’t work out. He is also very aware at the size of his cock (9&1/2inches) so he knows full well that most positions won’t work out.(he wouldn’t want to hurt his s/o!) Because of that, he mainly just lets his s/o ride him, or he’ll fuck them from behind in doggy style.

G = Goofy

Hard to believe, but Risotto can be ‘goofy’ in a sense, especially if you two have been together a while. He wants sex to be enjoyable for both of you and isn’t afraid to let loose when you are doing the act. Don’t be fooled though, he’s still the goth capo(tm) and he has to keep up the facade. The most you get out of him is a faint chuckle followed by “youre so cute, Tesoro.”

H = hair

It was said somewhere that risotto’s natural hair colour is dark brown? So I’d like to think that his body hairs would be the same. Regardless, the hairs are small and sparse. He likes to keep a clean shave most of the time, but for the most part he just trims. On his partner he’s not too picky with body hair, but a clean shave would be much preferred.

I = Intimacy

It depends on the situation! Risotto doesn’t tend to do one night stands but he has in the past. And in those situations he only wants a quick fuck and then wants the person gone. If he’s in a relationship, he’s extremely intimate. He likes the more dominating positions but there’s times where he just wants to be close to his s/o. Missionary is his go-to for that. He’ll kiss you, whisper how beautiful you are in Italian and tell you how much he loves you. Of course, he’s only like this in private and if he has been with you for a while.

J = Jack off

If he’s not in a Relationship risotto jacks off before bed. Not every night, but most nights he will. Either in the bed or the shower.

Once he has a s/o, he doesn’t really feel the need to. Unless his s/o is away on a mission (or vice versa) and he really misses them.

K = Kink

Size kink ! Need I say more? He’s 6”8, so most people would be tinyer than him anyways. He just loves seeing his big form cover your tiny one!

He loves to see stomach bulges. When he’s fucking his s/o, it will make him go absolutely feral if he sees his dick making your stomach bulge just from it’s sheer size.

To an extent, BDSM though he isn’t into the whole concept of it. If anything he just likes to tie your hands behind your back, and tie your ankles to the bed post while he goes down on you. (Or fucks you!)

He has a thing for being praised. He likes to be called “Capo” and “Signore” in bed. It really gets him going. Even if you call him “daddy”, that will also turn him on.

He likes to degrade you but in a nice way? Almost like teasing? You’ll hear him say a lot of things like “you take your capo’s cock so well, look at you”

He has a Knife play kink as well. It turns him on like crazy if his s/o is in black lingerie and is using a sharp knife to drag down their body, threatening to cut the fine lace. 🔪

L = Location

Risotto prefers to fuck you in the privacy of his own home (or yours). In general he keeps a lot to himself so fucking you in public wouldn’t get him off (especially because he’s a feared assassin in Passione. He can’t be seen fucking you in a public restroom). The only other place he wouldn’t mind fucking you is his office! - of course (as you’ll see for the letter R = Risk) that comes with the risk of the other La Squadra members seeing you, but risotto trusts them and considers them family. So it doesn’t really matter.

M = Motivation

Risotto is a very busy man, so majority of the time you will have to get him off or grab his attention. Walking into his office and wearing a skirt with no panties is definitely one way. He loves the “innocent” look you have as you bend over - showing him all your ass. He might just grab you then and there — pushing your little form into his desk as he grabs your hips and fucks you hard.

As mentioned in kinks, another way to turn him on is by;

Wearing black (or white) lingerie

Playing with knives

Sexting him (sending nudes, etc)

N = No

He’s not into sharing. What’s his is his. He also won’t do water sports, scat or vore. He likes blood play to a small extent but he’s also turned off by it considering he sees so much blood with his job & his stand.

O = Oral

A god at giving oral, he will go down on you as long as he can. Teasing you, licking you, using his fingers.. he knows all the tricks to make you come undone!

When receiving oral, he likes when his s/o struggles to take his full length down their throat. He’ll praise them, “come on Bella, I know you can take more than that...” before shoving his cock down their throat. Deepthroating you is one of his favourite past times. ;)

P = Pace

He prefers long drawn out thrusts over fast thrusts, but he is very mailable and can go at whatever pace his s/o prefers! Of course though, when it comes to fast paces he’s very cautious at how hard he goes, mainly because of his size. He wouldn’t want to accidentally hurt you.

Q = quickie

Isn’t fond of them, he likes when both partners can finish. However, if he has a meeting with La Squadra, he’ll probably bend you over his desk and fuck you hard enough before the rest of his team walks in...

R = Risk

He kind of likes the fact that if he fucks his s/o in his office, he carries the risk that any of the La Squadra members can just walk right in. In a way, it turns him on, though , he isn’t really into voyerism. On the other hand, if his s/o is female, he kind of likes to cum inside her when she isn’t using protection. The rush it gives him is insane, but he knows that’s stupid of him to do especially if she becomes pregnant. It’s more of a fantasy, if anything.

S = Stamina

Goth Capo can last a while, but when he does cum, his refractory period is long. He needs about 20-30 minutes before he can go again. However, when you’re having sex, since he can last so long, you’re guaranteed to have at least two orgasms in that time. He’ll make sure of it.

T = Toys

He doesn’t have any for himself, but he’s willing to buy/ make some (with metallica! ;D ) for his s/o. He does own some rope though, if that counts.

U = Unfair

Risotto can be unfair at times. If his s/o has been bad, he can go down on them for hours. Edging them until they are crying for him to let them cum. However, he’s a very busy man so that rarely happens.

V = Volume

He’s quiet in bed. He makes an occasional grunt here and there, and you’ll hear a few Italian cuss words slip from under his breath as well. He likes to talk to you though! So expect a lot of praise “ah, yes Tesoro. You’re so tight—“

W = wild card

Risotto has always wanted to stuff his s/o’s holes with metal toys that he made using metallica. Just seeing their mouth, ass and/or pussy being filled is so hot to him.

X = X-ray

At his size, it would be silly to say his dick is under 8”. When Risotto is fully hard, his cock can get to 9 and a half inches, and it’s very thick. Unless you’re bigger than him, chances are that your hand will just barely be able to wrap around it. Since his dick is quite big, it’s only natural for it to point downwards. Since most Italians aren’t cut, neither is he. He’s uncircumcised, and his dick is a couple of shades darker than his skin tone! He also has really big balls.

Y = Yearning

He’s a grown man so he does want sex often, however, due to his job he has to suppress his sex drive a LOT.

Z = Zzzz Sleep!

When he’s not too pent up with La Squadra stuff, he can fall asleep really quick! Of course, he’ll need to hold his s/o and spoon with them. If he’s busy or stressed with up coming missions then after sex hell honestly just wait until you fall asleep before he gets back to his work. It’s sad, but it’s the price he’s got to pay as a Capo!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #373

“warm me up in a nova’s glow  /  and drop me down to the dream below”

Have you ever kissed someone that you thought you’d never kiss? Welp, never thought I'd kiss a girl for most of my life. When was the last time you ate take-out and what was it that you ate? Mom bought us breakfast at Bojangle's the morning after my sleep study. I got a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. Do you enjoy when guys hit on/flirt with you or does it normally make you uncomfortable or annoyed? When was the last time more than one guy was flirting with you at a time? It makes me uncomfortable, especially if it's very obvious and pushy. Like some respectful flirting is fine and can be flattering if I'm single, but you better respect my boundaries and not act like a dog. I don't think two guys have both been openly interested in me since Juan and Jason in high school. Can you name five things you enjoy looking at pictures of? Animals, flowers, waterfalls, expressions of love between people, and boudoir. Would you rather have an eternal winter or an eternal summer? Both sound pretty sucky, but an eternal summer sounds worse. Do you know much about the Greek gods? Not anymore. I did in high school, as mythology was an elective I took. Are there a lot of stray cats and dogs near where you live? Not in this neighborhood. How would you cope with living in isolation away from society? How long do you think you could cope before you went mad? Oh god, I couldn't cope. I'd lose my shit so fast. Have you ever found any hidden treasure? No. Would you ever want to hibernate through the winter? No, I enjoy winter. Which holiday do you prefer, Halloween or Christmas? I like the Halloween vibe more, but I enjoy Christmas more as a holiday. Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold. What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I don't believe I've broken up with anyone over something small. Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? My older sister got it. It was hell. What’s the dominant color in the room you’re in at the moment? An off-white. Do you know who your mom’s favorite singer is? James Hetfield of Metallica. Easy. What room in your house is the messiest? The spare room. Have you ever used a “puppy face” to get your way? Ha, yeeeaaah... If you could change any law that exists in your current country, what would it be and why? Here comes free healthcare. For obvious reasons. What were the last toppings you had on a pizza? Pepperoni. Would you rather spend an hour walking a dog or riding a horse? Riding a horse. Do you freak out when you need to visit the doctor or the dentist? Nah. Do you prefer The Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit movies, if you like any of them? I haven't watched either. Which Harry Potter film was your favourite? What about your least favourite? I haven't watched those, either. What do you think about nose piercings? I like them. Nostril studs especially are really cute imo. How many floors does your house have? One. What’s your favorite flavor of Kool-Aid? I don't really like Kool-Aid anymore. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Yeah, a cyst. Do you enjoy sappy love songs? Unabashedly. Do you wear a one-piece or a two-piece when you go swimming? One-piece. What would be your biggest pet peeve in a relationship? Not communicating your feelings straight-up. Be straightforward and honest with what you're going through with your partner, for the love of God. Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? Have you ever hit on a teacher? No to both. Do you tend to eat more on Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas? Christmas, because of chocolate stocking stuffers and boxes from Dad, haha. Do you know what an "AMV" is? Yeah, I used to make them. Do you think you have a sad life? In some ways, yeah. What’s one award show you have to watch every year? None. Who do you like more: the Batman or the Joker? The Joker, particularly Heath Ledger's. Do you like Rammstein? Love 'em. What is your favorite small dog breed? Aesthetically, I think pugs, but I've said before and I'll say it a thousand more times: I don't support breeding them. What was the first comic book you ever had an obsession over? I've never been obsessed with a comic book. Do you like kids pop-up books? Those were my absolute favorite kind AS a kid. What is your mother's mother's maiden name? Ummm I'm pretty sure Collins. Have you ever pet a monkey? No. What’s your favorite Owl City song… besides "Fireflies?" I actually really like "Hot Air Balloon." What’s your fave Miley Cyrus song? I don't know many, but I do know "The Climb" is absolutely gorgeous. Fave Rascal Flatts song? Probably "My Wish." But I also really like "Why" and "What Hurts the Most." Fave Justin Bieber song? None. Miley Cyrus, Demi Lavato, or Selena Gomez? Jesus, you really like bands that I don't, haha. I don't know any Demi or Selena songs, so idk. Fave Eminem song? Oh man, I do like a lot of Eminem. I know it's so cliche, but I genuinely adore "Love The Way You Lie." It gives me goosebumps. Do you think you could survive a month of solitary confinement? NO. Absolutely not. I would lose my motherfucking mind. What is something that you find utterly boring? Sports, save for dance, are incredibly blah to me. What noise/sound can put you to sleep? Gentle, steady rain tapping on the window. When you are upset, do you tend to shut others out? YYYYYYYYYYYEP. When was the last time you felt abandoned by someone? bleh Does the sight of blood gross you out? No. Do you like red roses, or do you prefer another color? I love red ones, but I really, really like the ones with a pink-peach gradient. Have you ever gone through a red light? I think I MIGHT have accidentally because I was zoned out, but I don't THINK so. Do you fail to stop for stop signs, sometimes? I can't recall if I ever have. What is one of your major turn-offs? Misogyny. The moment you act like you exceed my worth just because you have a dick, byyyyyeeee~ During which year of your life were you the most unhappy? 2016 was hell on Earth for me. Have you ever seen a blue jay in person? I have. Do you like leaves better in the summer/spring, or in the fall? I'd like to meet someone that actually chooses anything besides fall, lol. Do you like the appearance of green eyes? YES! Do you typically like green-colored candies? Yessss. It's not rare for them to be my favorite flavor of whatever the thing is. Who is the most energetic and happy person you know of? My nephew, omg. Have you ever encountered a black widow? I actually have seen at least one to my memory. They're native here. Has an animal ever peed on you? Yes. Do you prefer green or purple/red grapes? I enjoy both, but I prefer green IF they're actually firm. What color is your birthstone? Purple. Why did you leave your house last? To go to the TMS office. I have to go there every day (but the weekends) for two months for treatment now. Is anything on your body sore? Well, inevitably my upper right arm, where my tattoo is. It looks so fucking beautiful redone though, it's all worth it. :') Have you ever eaten a cookie cake before? If so, was it good? Hell yeah man, cookie cakes are great. Do you lose interest in someone easily? I'm quite the opposite. Who was the last person you flirted with? Sara. Do you still talk to the person you fell the hardest for? No. Who’s the last person that slept over your house? My sister and her husband. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Yes. Are you currently sad about anything? I mean, I always am about something. How would you feel if your last ex fell in love with someone else? I would be super happy for her. Who was the last person who left your life and hurt you? Colleen. Do you know anyone who died of breast cancer? I might know of somebody, but all I know personally are survivors. Do you miss any of your old friends? Well of course. Have you ever been used before? I don't know. Ever taken a picture kissing someone? Yes. What’s the last thing you and your sibling laughed about? I Don't know. I haven't seen either in some time. What’s the last thing you took a picture of? A meme to send Sara, haha. Do you listen to classical music? No. Do you tell your parents who you like? Why or why not? I mean, I don't just randomly bring it up because just being like "hey I like this person _____ now" seems weird. Now if I was asked or mentioning it is somehow relevant, then I will. Who’s the most annoying person in your neighborhood? The damn dog next door who never shuts up. Name one of your psycho exes? None. I was the "psycho ex," and it's embarrassing as shit. Do you make your own clothes and/or add designs to them on your own? No. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? It's not something I always actively think about, but subconsciously, I absolutely always do. Especially knowing my family doesn't buy from "ethical" markets, but instead big ones. "Ethical" in quotations because there is no moral way to slaughter an animal for food, but at least there are smaller farmers who can give their livestock a better, cleaner, happier life. What are you listening to at the moment? I'm semi-watching Gab play Bioshock. I'd never seen the game before, so just kinda vicariously checking it out. Seems all right. Does anything hurt right now? My tattoo is definitely in the sore phase. It'll start scabbing soon. I literally can't stop looking at it, I love it so much. How many years have you lived at the house you’re living in right now? Around 1 1/2. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mom and rarely see my dad, so. Do you like Chinese food? Only pork fried rice and egg rolls, really. What sort of music were you brought up on? When all of us kids were very little, Mom would usually play her rock channels on the radio, sometimes a (clean) CD. She also would ensure to play kids' cassettes sometimes, too, like Raffy or whoever it was. Once Ashley reached a certain age, she would always ask for a pop channel to be put on, so most of my childhood was that and some country music, too.

[your-turn-to-role]

for the cr asks: 1, 7, 19, 29

hey, thanks!

1) How did you first discover Critical Role?

uh, friends, mostly. i was one of the later people in my friend group to get into it, though i’m definitely the one who’s gotten the most obsessed with it now 😂

i have one friend who’s been following it since the really early days, like early 2016 or something? and was very into taliesin’s characters (they have a very similar aesthetic), but stopped after molly died

another friend who’s more into dnd shows just bc she really likes dnd rather than particularly for the story has also been into it for ages, and was pestering me to watch for at least a year before i actually did

(not that i didn’t think i’d like it, it just takes me forever to get into stuff bc when i get into a fandom i get super into it and then am resistant to leave it, and there’s a limit to how many characters i can hold in my brain at once, also because starting a new thing that has literally thousands of hours of content is intimidating as fuck)

but it was also just, fanart of jester on tumblr? she didn’t even end up being my fave of the m9 (though i definitely love her), but she’s 100% my aesthetic to the core, and seeing a lot of art of her around i was like “okay i wanna know who this girl is bc she seems cool”

and then about, idk, 9-10 months ago i started cr2? and fell in love with nott within about two seconds of her speaking, which made me listen long enough to fall in love with the other characters as well, and then after i caught up (which was just before ep 73 aired, i was watching it with more or less all of my free time) i watched campaign 1 in a similar fashion and here we are

7) Do you have any official CR merch?

does explorer’s guide to wildemount count? or the vox machina origins comics? bc if so, i have those (digitally anyway)

but in terms of most actual merch, no, not yet, i’m not 100% ruling it out, but i live in new zealand so shipping is a huge pain and i haven’t come across anything yet that is both within my price range and that i care enough about to pay a shit ton for shipping

(honestly, would have bought any of the dice sets, but the only one that’s been out while i’ve been in the fandom was the whitestone opalite dice and those were suuuper expensive)

(real pretty though)

19) Who’s your favorite CR cast member (Matt, Laura, etc.)?

ohhhhhh that’s so hard to choose. every time i think of any one person at least four others show up in my head like “hey what about us!”

i think i’ll just answer this by saying my favourite things about each of them

matt - really cool person. really fun storyteller. so much more of a dork when not being a DM, it’s not a side of him we get to see often but it’s one i’d love to see more of! i’m still amazed he does this every week when he’s said a couple times he hates being on camera, like... matt, how do you do that. i am a little in awe of you

travis - i love his whole approach to rping? like the whole “you have to take risks at every possible opportunity because whether it succeeds or fails, it’s always worth the chance you’ll make something amazing”. he’s highly relatable as an adhd player. also he’s said he doesn’t want to put romance stories in his dnd characters and i get very attached to characters that could be headcanoned as aro so i really appreciate that

marisha - she’s fucking badass. i am constantly in awe of her bravery to continue to play her characters really well when she gets so much hate with them. also, she’s a really good actor? i feel like no one says it enough but she really is. love all her liveshow outfits.

liam - now, i’ve been that one theatre kid who was way too obsessed with hamlet at like age 15? so like... i feel you, liam. love the places he goes with his characters. love everything about vax. love the language he uses while rping and the small little gestures he comes up with that add so much to a character, i’ve written a couple posts on it

sam - now, on one hand, sam is the cast member i relate the least to. on the other, he did make nott who i love with all my heart. i’m also just really impressed by everything he comes up with as scanlan, especially the super long ode to vax which had to be at least partially improvised/written during that episode

laura - continually dedicated to proving you can make female characters that are super detailed and full of depth while also always being down to make stupid dick jokes. really good actor. very cute and very ridiculous. also, [harp music] ~laura bailey~

taliesin - i love his dedication to being goth, queer, and colourful all at once? bc big fucking mood. love his characters, love his weirdness, love his random pockets of obscure knowledge that occasionally come up on the show and everyone’s like “how the fuck do you even know that”

ashley - is it not enough to be gay and in love with ashley johnson? but no seriously she’s super cool and also a dork and i adore her

29) What’s the most devastating CR PC defeat/death?

i mean..... it’s gotta be molly, right?

like percy’s first death and vax in the finale were both heartwrenching as fuck, but both kinda felt like they were meant to happen? percy, while he came back and i’m glad he did (which also helps make it not the most devastating), taliesin had kinda planned for that to be the end of percy, and it did tie things up in that tragic way his character archetype often goes. had that been permanent, it would have hurt, but it would have felt fitting. and vax, god, i will never be over dalen’s closet, but he had a lot of time to come to grips with his own death and that made it, more cathartic rather than just painful

but molly was just, i mean i knew it was coming before i even started watching, i tried my best not to get attached and then got attached anyway

and i really love what it did to the plot and the characters and i wouldn’t trade away caduceus now we’ve really gotten to know him

but goddamn did that have an impact

[its-all-ineffable]

TUA 1x01 Review: ‘We Only See Each Other At Weddings & Funerals’

The opening scene got me hooked immediately! Kudos to the young girl at the pool, she’s absolutely brilliant at conveying a sweet, innocent romance and then the fear of suddenly and unexpectedly giving birth! The girl and guy are a very cute couple, and I kinda wanna know more about them. And the concern that the guy shows when the girl doesn’t surface immediately after she’s jumped in the pool is so sweet. Also, those women in the pool are hilarious! They all scream in horror when they see the girl start to give birth in the pool and the next scene they're crowded around her, patting her hair and holding her hand! I do feel sorry for the girl though - I personally headcannon that she’s Vanya’s mother. They’re in Russia, as we can tell because they’re all speaking Russian, and Vanya is a diminutive form of the Russian (among others) name Ivan. It’s just an idea, but I like it!

Pogo’s VO (though of course, we don’t know it’s Pogo at this time) is nice - he’s got the kind of soothing and authoritative voice that makes you feel like everything’s gonna be okay. Nice bit of exposition too! ‘HE GOT SEVEN OF THEM’ hahahahaha!! Love the overdramatic text on-screen! Also, ‘Picture Book’ by The Kinks fits so nicely in this scene, the lyrics are a beautiful juxtaposition for the ‘family’ that they become and all the actors manage to walk perfectly on the beat. The swinging arms from Reginald though - every inch the pompous idiot we love to hate already! Though the nannies have some pomp and swagger too. Imagine how weird it’d be to see the Monoply man walking down the street followed by 7 women in the same outfit with prams though? The small, ridiculous moments make the series!

The intro to the siblings is one of my favourite moments in the entire series! It’s beautifully acted and edited and the music is perfect. When we see Vanya for the first time, the blue lighting she’s framed adds a sense of melancholy too the scene, and perfectly sets her up as a lonely woman and an outsider. Ahh, Tom Hopper! And his butt scratching! Love Luther’s intro, Vanya still playing the slow, melancholy music, emphasising that he’s lonely too. Bless him. As we move to Diego, bass, guitar and drums join the violin, which I love, as it gives the music a more dangerous and frantic edge to showcase what sort of person Diego is. Also, what a badass rip-off Batman with a Robin mask! Go Diego! Then we have Allison, appearing in that frankly stunning dress! The violin gets a solo her, possibly to emphasise her fame? Love how gorgeous and stylish she is. Those paps get on my nerves though, the fucking assholes. The music switches again, to a more sombre violin melody for Klaus, indicating his BAG of trauma. The music changes are very cleverly done. Also, the “I believe in you! You, not so much.” - instantly my fave!! And his outfit is on point! And, I just noticed that when the clinic worker says “Stay sober.”, Klaus just shakes his head! 

Then we go back to a nice, slow violin solo, indicating loneliness. Poor Luther, stranded on the moon all alone. Though, he’s the only one that finds out about Reginald’s death directly?! The others all find out from the TV, or in Allison’s case, the paps! Who’s the favourite son?! Also, those paps? Twats! Insensitive twats! Ugh! Moving on - love the rock version of ‘The Music of the Night’ that starts playing when Klaus gets resuscitated! It works so well with the scene and his manic attitude. The way he high fives the paramedic makes me laugh every time though! I love Klaus, can you tell? A very solid introduction to Klaus’ character, to all of them in fact. The finish with Vanya’s sad sounding solo is a beautiful end to the scene. Also, when the lights go off and we have the establishing shot of the theatre, Vanya looks so small and alone. I just want to wrap her in a hug and tell her that everything will be okay. The way she says “Dad” as well, so soft and sad, gets me. Bless her tiny heart, she’s so cute! Ellen Page is such a brilliant actress, portraying sadness, loneliness and shyness at the same time. 

The way they show the passage of time through the photographs is really clever - a brilliant idea! The way we see 2 pictures, then suddenly one kid is missing and we get shown the solitary painting of Five, then we see 2 more pictures, after being shown Ben’s statute? Cleverly done, and deepens the mystery of the missing numbers! Moving on again - the house is a brilliant set and so well-designed. Mom’s intro, with her staring into nothing is weird, but we know right from the get go that this is weird. Another mystery! And the actress who plays Mom is so pretty! Just had to say that! Love her outfits too! 

The reunion - when everything starts to go to shit, though of course, we don’t know that yet. The way Allison is cloaked in shadow on the stairs as she comes towards Vanya - like she’s a threat? Very clever. Also, the tone that she says “You’re actually here” in, bitchy much? But, siblings I guess! I don’t know, I don’t have any. The hug is nice though, and Allison makes more of an effort to interact with Vanya than the rest of them. FUCK OFF DIEGO, with you’re “You don’t belong here!” Stop being an asshole to tiny, adorable Ellen Page! The beginning of my dislike for Number 2, I’m afraid. Sorry, Diego fans! Not happy with him atm! Allison sasses him though, go Allison! And the way she re-assures Vanya. Bless! 

Luther, WTF are you doing sneaking around? Hmm. Ah, and here comes the tense brotherly banter between #1 and #2. It’s pretty funny, but you can smell the rivalry a mile away! And Luther, just forget the monocle. Forget it! Jeez! Loving Diego’s sass though, very good at low blows isn’t he? And finally, the famous book - I’d read it! Looks interesting. I kinda want to know what she says in it, don’t you? And there’s Pogo! Is it bad that when I first watched this, I wasn’t even surprised to see a walking, talking monkey reach out to hug Vanya? Welp, I feel like that says something about me. I liked him straight away, he’s so kind to Vanya and his voice is very soothing. I don’t know okay, it just is?! 

The backstory isn’t exactly subtle, the whole “How long has it been since Five disappeared?”, but it works. The whole interaction between Vanya and Pogo, when they talk about Five, makes me so sad for Vanya. The way she said “I used to leave the lights on for him” tells me that they had a pretty close bond before Five up and left, even when I first watched the show. It just made me feel for Vanya’s character more, she’s so sweet and she clearly misses Five a whole lot. 

They all seem to wander round the house a lot, don’t they? Memories I suppose. The flashback scene here cemented my hatred for Reginald, it takes 2 seconds to say goodnight to your kids!! Fucking dick! Also, looking at the kids breaks my heart even more - Ben and Five are looking at Reginald all hopeful, Klaus clearly knows Reginald doesn’t give a shit, leaning against the doorframe with a ‘I don’t care’ expression on his face, Vanya hiding in the background, slightly separate from the rest of them. They break my heart. Great acting from the kids btw! And the way Ben looks back at Reginald, still hoping, and Luther guides him away - aww!

And back to the present - “Where’s the cash Dad?” Klaus!! XD The gigantic, adorable smile Klaus has when he sees Allison, and he immediately goes for a hug is so sweet! I get the feeling that Klaus genuinely cares about his siblings, but he masks a lot of his true feelings. That could be interesting to explore in a fic. The hug is very tense though - Allison recoils from him and awkwardly pats his back - as if she’s too good for him? Clearly not sure how to feel about him. Klaus in this scene is great, and was already my favourite at this point when I first watched. Though Allison does snort at his jokes, so perhaps they were close once? I want more Allison and Klaus interaction is Season 2! They could be an amazing duo! 

And then Luther ruins the moment, with his “Get out of his chair.” Jeez, Luther, lighten up? Also, this is the first time you’ve seen them in years and that’s your opening line? Way to go big boy. I do love Robbie in that cropped shirt though, and the coat is awesome! Allison, I see you laughing at Klaus! I see you! Also - how the hell did that box fit in his trousers?! XD I’ll leave you be Luther, ‘cause you’re taking the piss out of Diego and it’s funny. Though I’m slightly uncomfortable. Allison & Luther stare at each other with so much longing, and I just...ugh! Also, I know this whole Patrick & Claire situation is supposed to make us feel sympathy for Allison, but immediately saying “shit” when you hear that he got custody, like - don’t judge? It could be a good thing? Don’t assume that Allison didn’t do anything wrong. Sorry, just, the bias. And so begins my dislike of Luther!

The tense silence in the sitting room. Family’s, am I right? Also, Klaus steals every scene he’s in, especially in that skirt! “And here we go,” Preach Diego! Here comes the family dysfunction. Also, how does no one laugh at Klaus? Can you imagine how many bloopers there must be? C’mon Netflix, give me! The family dysfunction is strong, though. “Sober up.” - it’s not that fucking simple Luther! There’s a long hard road to sobriety, even after withdrawals, so just shut up and leave Klaus the fuck alone, yeah? You are part of the problem, the reason why Klaus is the way he is. Just...can you tell I dislike Luther a bit? 

And here’s Diego, who I also dislike, but at least he actually addresses Klaus like he’s a PERSON! So, I like him slightly more. And Luther totally suspects Diego of killing their father. None of the other siblings, just Diego. You can see it in his face. “I’m just gonna go an murder mom” I love Klaus so much! XD And the way they all file out while Luther stands there like an idiot...

The whole flashback scene, to the bank, is AMAZING, all the kids are great and its a great way of showcasing all their powers (bar Klaus’) and what they had to experience. Also, we get some Five and Ben content! Yay! Five’s sass immediately endeared me too him. Poor Ben “C’mon Ben”, Jeez Luther, do you ever stop being an ass?! And there’s Kenny’s mom, running out the bank! Poor Ben again, he clearly hates his power and using it. And being covered in all that blood. Also, can we talk about Klaus leaning on Five when they get outside?! And Five lets him?! I want more Klaus and Five in Season 2 as well, pretty please? And then here comes Reginald, telling Vanya she’s not special. Great parenting strategy asshat! Also, “six children”, GET FUCKED REGGIE! That reporter made me laugh though, the “Are you concerned about the welfare of the children?” one. Nope, no he is not. Take them away from him please! 

Those posters, in the hallway outside the bedrooms, fuck, they’re disturbing! G is for gouge? Fuck me. And here we are, the ‘A+L’ locket. Slightly weirded out by it. Also, love the symbolism of the siblings being scattered throughout the house all in different rooms. Shows how fractured they are at the moment. 

AND NEED I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE MASTERPIECE THAT IS THE DANCE SCENE?!

“Daddy?” Klaus, I can’t even...XD What was with the fire extinguisher as well? Darling, I love you, but really? “Yeah, get behind us!” cough*toxic masculinity*cough! Now is not the time to try and be the alpha male Diego. Also, Klaus seems to have the most common sense - “I vote for running!” - yep, great idea! Common sense, folks, from the super high medium! Five’s entrance is pretty great though, but I’ll just say this - if it was my sibling that I hadn’t seen for 17 years? I’d be hugging him so tight, regardless whether he likes touch or not. Just saying. I like how we have Five falling right back into the family as if he were never gone, as if him being 13 isn’t a big deal, the banter is great. I also like how he doesn’t look at his siblings at all, and then he looks up for the first time since being inside, and it’s to compliment Klaus. Such a small yet sweet moment in the series. Underappreciated, I feel. Five doesn't seem like the type to give compliments often. The “Well you would if you were smarter”!XD 2nd favourite sibling, here we come! This whole kitchen scene was a great setup for the sibling dynamics. 

The elusive Ben is finally mentioned again. Creepy statue though. I love the fact that they all have big black umbrellas, and then there’s Klaus, with his little plastic one with pink trim! Diego again with the impeccable comedic timing “He was a monster”. And Mom is adorable, I love her so much. Here we go with Luther & Diego again, I guess. “Who’s the alpha male? I’m the alpha male!” Jeez. AGAIN? You 2 ever even tried being nice to each other? The fight scene is pretty cool though, the choreography is really well done. I love how we see them act more like a family here too, Vanya pulling Mom back and Klaus shoving Five out the way. Adorable! Allison’s got some deadpan! Like it. Diego, why are you such a dick? Especially to Vanya? She was trying, is trying, and you just...I’m so done with you and Luther. And y’all just gonna leave Klaus out there alone? Nice. Predication...

This training scene, reinforcing how AMAZING Reginald Hargreeves is as a parent! The tattoo scene too. Poor tiny little Klaus and Allison huddled together, and Ben, Luther and Five looking so scared/nervous. The way Vanya is left out - again - and draws her own tat. These poor abused kids guys! I just wanna hug ‘em all! Also, watching your kids sleep? Not creepy at all! And back from the flashback, Vanya leaving because she keeps being treated like crap. You know in nature programmes, when the baby animals bully the runt of the litter out? Yep. Loving the way Pogo is looking out for her though, clearly he cares about her a lot. Better Dad than Reggie! And no one notices she’s gone, that’s nice.

Love the entire kitchen interaction between Five, Klaus, Diego and Allison. Family banter again! Oh wait, they did notice Vanya left, they just didn’t care? Brilliant. Great family. Also, does Diego always need to be such a prick to his sisters? Asshole. Though I like the way he treats Klaus - he lets him hitch a ride despite knowing that he could leave without him, and listens to him more than the others do. Though you can see David trying not to laugh at Rob’s ‘hippo’ line in the scene. God, he seems like so much fun! 

The scene at Griddy’s is just, simply awesome. Love Agnes, she’s so sweet. Five’s fake smile has me in hysterics every time though! The tow truck driver is very nice, buying for a ‘weird kid’ he doesn’t know. The fight scene, again, is perfect, and the juxtaposition of the upbeat tune “Istanbul Not Constantinople” in the background, just...chef’s kiss! Poor Five didn’t get his coffee though. The quest for Five to have a decent cup of coffee begins! Aidan is a phenomenal actor too, absolutely brilliant! Love the tightening of his tie as he walks away, the cocky little shit!XD Poor Agnes.

The intro to Ben is funny, and cleverly placed so that it doesn’t feel forced, it just fits with the story of the episode. Also, Diego’s a dramatic bitch. But he cares about Klaus. So, we’ll see, I guess. A nice little interaction between 2 brother (3, sorry Ben!) that love each other. Nice to have a moment of the siblings being, ‘normal’, for want of a better word. Vanya and Five interaction, yay! “Rapists can cimb” - Five, no!XD Funny, but...Anyway, I like the relationship between these two. The way he comes to her and trusts her the most and lets her touch him and clean his wound. I love it. The flashback to Five hurts, because he really was just a kid then and I feel so maternal about that...I’m not the only one, right? Aidan’s phenomenal acting again. I love the cliff hanger of the world ending in 8 days. Got me hooked. Also, Van’s response is perfect - “I’ll put on a pot of coffee.” I love you Vanya! XD

Alright, I know it was long, but it’s over now. Thanks for reading all of it, if you did. I don’t know when I’ll get around to the 2nd episode, but hopefully it’ll be soon. Hope you all enjoyed my ramblings! x

[theelliottsmiths]

Funniest making of video Rammstein moments?

Well this got... Comprehensive. It devolved somewhat as it got to videos I don't care about as much. This is not what you were expecting, I'm sure, but you asked so please be polite and read it. It's like 2/3 from memory so I'm sure I missed just the funniest thing that's ever been in one. Such is life.

P*ssy (let's see if this work of art gets into the tags):

Schneider being a nasty bastard rat man with his leg drumming

Everything Flake says. All of it.

Richard talking about his double, holding his hands about a foot apart

The hoover

Schneider's little kick at the camera because he's 18 years old at most

Das ist ein Bordell?

The little grass song

Schneider trying not to show that the thinks it's 'absolutely stupid'

Flake don't do anything

Their little weirdo best friend hang out warmups

Rosenrot:

Till practicing the murder scene

Paul singing the Rosenrot guitars as he learns how to flagellate himself. This is one of my fave things why does nobody talk about it?

Till saying he wants to make friends too

Till peeping out of the hood asking why(?) he needs make up

Can we count Richards hat and Flakes hair

Richard asking if they should have knives and won't they kill him?

OLI WITH THE WINE UP HIS SLEEVE. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen no matter how many times I see it.

Everything Flake says

Till, don't defend yourself. Richard, let someone else beat the devil out of Till!

The silence after Flake says he doesn't like pain as much as Till

Sonne:

Talking about how they had to make Paul bigger to play a dwarf

Flake talking about them wanting to name the album Herzeleid and then realising there was, unfortunately, already an album called Herzeleid and they're the ones who made it

Did the American tour influence this album? Nope!

Everyone's reaction to the spanking scene

Robert

When Paul feels the Cain Instinct rising and flings the food at Till, Schneider looking on to see his reaction instead of stopping Paul

Mutter:

No :(

Radio:

Mit seinem Mündchen, so spitz!!!

The little opera battle at the end

The fact that it hasn't got subtitles (though I'd rather it did)

Ausländer:

Schneider's dancing

Till saying the actress could like, permanently kick his arse

Schneider and Oli falling over.

Paul with the tusk

Jeez Schneider's dancing though how is he so many contrary things?

Till trying so so hard not to look at the actress' breasts while she's talking (does anyone know her name I feel gross just saying the actress). He does, but he tried.

Mein Land:

Paul and his pale, delicate Berlin skin

The way it cuts from the beach to Flake in his night makeup, which to me feels like they're implying it's his regular everyday look

Flake not super wanting to be there

The dancing. The only time I'm truly reminded of their ages is when I see them dance.

Richard hugging Jonas, just because of the way he flings himself. I bet he runs up to people and jumps, assuming they'll catch him.

Haifisch:

Paul's little blink thing

...Richards hair.

Till dressed as snow white, spanking what would be Paul

Flake being an amphibian

Richard going off track to mention a woman with 'huge jugs'

Stripped:

Down to the booonnneeee

Ich Tu Dir Weh:

fleischfarrrrrrrrrbenen Drrrrrrrraht lang legst. His speech is so rounded, like the bubble writing every teenaged girl uses on posters

The whole mouth piercing story, really. I don't think it's as big of a deal as they do though? It was bigger than a standard piercing and he wasn't very smart about it but it was pretty much just a cheek piercing he treated poorly, he didn't remove a limb. I used to spray stuff when I had a lip piercing so that's just understandable, relatable content.

Ziggy Stardust

Flake saying he's being slandered

Paul's face the entire time he talks about the trucks

Mann Gegen Mann:

Is it weird that I think Schneider's lil drumming noises are funny in the background? They're so small.

Benzin:

Oli really doesn't look like Oli in the truck this isn't funny but that was a strange time huh

The guy losing his mind over the crash scene.

Richards driving face. I remember seeing it as a kid and it was just as funny then. Or maybe that's why I think it's funny

You're the driver, you can't be lying out there!

Keine Lust:

Flake wishing he could be that fat

His safely saddled pirouette

The boys cackling at each other when they see the make up and prosthetics

Schneiders giggle when he says it's his idea. Okay so this is more cute than funny, but have you ever noticed that he doesn't really have a medium laugh? It's either a polite huff or an avalanche of hysterical giggles

Schneider looking at himself in the mirror so seriously idk it just is funny

Paul singing in the makeup chair

Till getting into his suit

Schneider's face is falling to pieces but that's irrelevant!

Schneider peeling himself. Hallo!

Ohne Dich:

Flake insulting Till, Till saying he's going to really make him sweat because of how rude he was. Paul taking the piss out of Flake in the interview.

Did you expect me to run with you? How did you arrive at that?

Tills little mm after he says the sweat thing

He's alive, Schneider, come make it a trio!

Tills small mountain song

Amerika:

Okay mini rant time please bear with me I need to get this out. That guy when Till is getting taped into the astronaut gear? He told Till the Donald Sutherland penis zip story, yet when Till talks about it (using the name, pointing to his dick and zipping) the guy looks completely clueless. It's so American? How could he not get that that's the story Till was telling? Anyway it's funny because he zipped the penis of Donald Sutherland with it so... His boss, his boss did.

Again, everything Flake says. The urinals!

Paul saying their message is Fleisch, Fleisch and Ja and Ich Will, but Amerika was being so annoying that they had to make an exception

Richard with the arcade machine

The director says it's hard for them to play double speed because it's like a punk concert. They... They were all in punk bands. Maybe not Oli (I have no idea what his band was, someone said folk fusion to me once?) but the rest of them?

Paul's little history lesson in his lil nerd outfit

Rammstein created the conspiracy theory that America never went to the moon

Richard re: 10 litres of orange juice

America doesn't exist in East Germany. Why does every country have one country people think doesn't exist? Finland is a popular choice.

Mein Teil:

Moustache.

Schneider's giggling over being the perpetrators mother. Why was he so excited/embarrassed to pretend to be Armin Meiwes' mother?

Stop complaining!

Paul stomping on the suit. Am I just easily amused?

Schneider will just be a bit more woman

Oli's freaky faces

Flake talking about Swedish TV

Mein Herz Brennt:

Till trying to be diplomatic about the Spanish schedule. At least the walls were burning!

Paul being a nasty little thief

The cones.

Paul's reaction to the cones. The giggles.

Till talking to the child!

Oli with the kids when he's in his net. You know what meme that's like, fishermen talking and one gets caught in the net and they're like is it just me or is Dave being hot right now? Yeah that's all I can think then I see his net.

Paul talking about the captive costumes and shouting at Schneider through the cone

Richard having dreadlock flashbacks

The. Finger monster thing where it's like Ta Da

Feuer Frei:

Paul Kebab

Homemade Star Trek video. Paul, please dig it out.

Ich Will:

Paul in the corridor

I really like the way Paul says DDR. Its not funny, I just need to point it out I am legally obligated. Small and cute little country

Paul talking about the cameras killing them and being dramatic

Flake talking about being popular in Iceland

Mein Ohr!

Links 234:

Are there subtitles because of the accent?

That's it, I don't like this one very much at all

Du Hast:

When they forget to tell the fire boy he can cool off

Engel:

Schneider: Paul was upset we tucked him away behind the drums where he could do nothing, he loves meddling and offering his opinion

Paul: *rants about everything wrong with the video* (Paul is correct in every criticism)

Du Riechst So Gut 98:

Till being shy kissing a woman is very funny to me

Seeman:

All of it. The hair, the set, the costumes. Everything. Their reactions to all of those things. What on earth.

Poor Paul talking about the haircuts as if he's ever had more than one decent haircut in his life. Two at most.

Till seems content with it but maybe he's just being diplomatic.

Schneider, me and Oli just fool around in the background and crowd the picture with too many people

B... Bird head. Plague doctor.

Du Riechst So Gut 95:

I love how they talk about it but even though the video itself is super funny, the making of? Not so much.

Schneider saying they wanted to appear aggressive and masculine, screen cuts to what is essentially a gay p*rno/tampon advert

Of course, we had to rub oil into out bodies. Of course.

Till talking about how he layered sunglasses and got the slashes metal things to help. Is it funny or am I just tired now?

Rammstein (I always forget this exists, it's so hard to find it):

Ah yes, first video, let's ask David Lynch. Why not?

[jlf23tumble]

Fic rec anon here, I just read through your AU recs, and I need more, holy hell!? Do you have a similar list for canon fics? What are your favourite genres? You're one of the brave souls who posts about mpreg...what other kinks do you recommend?

Yessssssssss, a chance to do part two of my prison 25, fuck yeah!!! I edited this canon rec list down, and Jesus, that’s the hardest part of it. Luckily, I can save a lot of ‘em in other categories--and I have recs in just about any category, so lemme know if anything in particular floats your boat (I tend to bookmark/save in collections like mpreg, a/b/o, omorashi, daddy, toys, panties, phone sex, dirty talk, etc., but yeah, I can hook you up with allll kinds of fic, god bless the ao3 bookmark feature). 

I’ll put the full list under the cut, in length order...in lots of cases, the author has done many, MANY more, so I’ll highlight that, too! Enjoy! (Oh, and check out the postscript at the end, too...a lot of these are older, but if you want newer, just give me your parameters/needs, and I’ve gotcha, bb)

Hello, Heaven (you are tunnel-lined with yellow lights), by objectlesson, 2.9k words (E). Or, Louis buys Harry things sometimes.  (LISSSSSSSSSSSSSTEN, read every single fic Phoenix ever wrote, jfc, she’s so good, the stories are so good, and this particular one was a gift to me, so I’m biased, but it combines a lot of my fave kinks into one. I edited most of her stories in this fandom, which means I literally can’t pick a fave, they’re my step-children, but this one is noice)

so wicked in the way he moves, by ballsdeepinjesus, 3.6k words (E). Harry and Louis are parents at football practice. (don’t be scared; no kids, just hot van sex and banter, and this author EXCELS at sex/banter, so lots of gold here)

She Feels So Good, by zedi, 4.1k words (E). Louis knows that voice. Harry’s used that voice in his ear more times than Louis can count, said such sweet, naughty things while popping a hip out and pressing up against Louis. That’s the voice that comes out when Harry’s in a skirt, nails done and gestures soft and flirty. (Jumpsuit Harry on the Late Late Show)

like poison coursing through me, by orphan_account, 4.1k words (E). The one with copious dirty talk, Daddy Louis, and Harry wetting himself in the shower. (pee kink, but honestly, give it a try...it’s about desperation, and it’s so hot)

took me by the wrist, by tomlinzn, 4.2k words (E). harry's twenty-one; louis still loves him. there's birthday sex. (Hima’s legacy, god, it’s beautiful)

Take a Chance, Just Feed Me, by yeah_alright, 4.3k words (E). Louis needs some time alone with Marcel, and he’s hoping Harry will play along. (MARCEL COSPLAY)

Fertile Ground, by Blake, 4.4k words (E). Or, Harry doesn’t know what comes first: the lies that shape his want, or his want, which shapes the lies. He only knows that there’s lies, and want. And Louis, of course. (ANOTHER GOD-TIER PERSON TO READ EVERYTHING THEY’VE EVER WRITTEN, and this one has a big ole dose of angst, but it’s so fucking goooood, so real, sob)

You Don’t Need Me to Show You the Way, by LoadedGunn, 6.5k words (E). Or, 2011 fic where Harry rides dick for the first time and Louis appreciates technology. (X Factor era, and I think this was the fic that made me create a whole technology tag, lmaoooo)

Only Thing That Can Quench My Thirst, by eyesofshinigami, 6.5k words (E). Louis wouldn't exactly call it a thing, his newfound fascination with the curly trail that starts below Harry's bellybutton and disappears into his skinny jeans. It's definitely not a thing. It's just... Alright, maybe it's a thing. (the entire reason for pubefest2020, tbh, this is such a fave fic, sigh)

domesticated, by sky_reid, 6k words (E). nothing gets harry going quite like mentioning a marriage licence. (fluffy but still hot five times story)

Agent Provocateur, by orphan_account, 7k words (E). Harry looks like he's constantly about to drop into subspace when he's talking to Louis onstage. (you can kinda guess from the title, but this is panties panties panties, plus more)

let the only sound be the overflow, by sarcasticfluentry, 7.6k words (E; needs ao3 account). Harry and Louis explore new kinks while staying in Tokyo. (another AMAZING author, check out the rest of their fics; this one’s based on a specific video--read the notes--and you’ll never see Louis, Harry, or clothespins the same way again)

little black dress (it’s all right), by istajmaal, 8k words (E). harry is a girl sometimes. louis loves her all the time. (this one’s part of an ahead-of-its-time series featuring genderfluid harry)

horizontal like a quarter to three, by orphan_account, 8k words (E). The worst part is that Louis just wants to get really rough with him. He's wanted it right from the start, and it doesn't make sense, because Harry's always been so gentle and understanding and sweet, and yet all Louis wants to do is fuck him up. (some serious kink exploration nicely done)

give you my fever, by beautlouis @thelovejandles, 10k words (E). x-factor era. harry's never had an orgasm before, louis gives him his first (it is as it says, and it is INCREDIBLY hot/well done, as is everything beautlouis has ever written, immediately finish this one and then go read everything else)

shit, i still love you (still see you in my bed), by wankerville, 10.9k words (E). it's valentine's day and harry wants to be fucked in his gold boots. (another author I adore!!! this one is as it says, and wow, so visual)

Let Me Be Good for You, by onlyhuman, 11.9k words (E). Niall's only birthday wish is to go clubbing with his boys in Vegas. Harry ruins it all by wearing that god forsaken black sheer shirt. (I love some good hair-related porn!! This one features the bun, sigh)

Autumn at My Window, by TheCellarDoor, 20.4k words (E). a lot of pining, Louis' addiction to Harry's scent, and a whole lot of sexual tension that might just snap loose when they decide to spend some time together all on their own. (this is one of those canon-compliant AUs where you’re meant to ignore A LOT, but it’s still a good lil story with a lot of pining)

Maybe I Miss You series, by 13ways, 26k words (E).  Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect. (a newer series that does a good job of weaving in all kinds of real emotion for an ultimately happy ending)

Nothing You Can Do (But You Can Learn How to Be You in Time), by Teumessian, 28k words (E; needs ao3 account). Louis braids Harry’s hair. There are good times, bad times, fancy houses, supportive bandmates, secret boyfriends, small rebellions, bigger revolutions, some nail varnish, ribbons, cute clothing, and a Pinterest. (THE PINTEREST FIC!!!! and another admittedly canon-compliant semi-AU...but then again, most of them are, right?? idk, idk, i just know this one’s very visual and oh so soft)

(your heartbeat) rang true inside my bones, by flimsy, 32.9k words (E). Harry goes as Louis' date for a weekend wedding. He ends up taking the role a bit too seriously. (touch o angst, but it kind of is as it says)

Drifting, Weightless, by @dinosaursmate, 41k words (E). Harry and Louis are exes with benefits until they're not, and the Mediterranean Sea might just be the perfect place to work through some unresolved issues. (this is actually a really funny one, in addition to being emotional and hot, plus I for one would take a One Direction cruise when they get back together in 15 years, sob)

the dark and the dentist, by sunshiner, 66.2k words (E). An account of the events of November 2014. (there are actually a few really big monster fics/series that cover this particular time, but I occasionally skim this one because I like the flashes of random domesticity)

To the Ends of the Earth, by stylinsoncity, 68.4k words (E). During a yearlong hiatus, Louis visits Harry at his cabin in Idaho, where long-buried feelings ignite like the fire keeping them warm. (THE IDAHO CABIN FIC!! And if you haven’t read it in a while, check out the new epilogue from earlier this year...or buy the whole thing on Amazon! Another great one that’s emotional, angsty, soft, and hot, all in one snowball)

Untangle Me, by suicxne, 100k words (E). The one where Harry and Louis finally get it right. (this is another one where you have to ignore A LOT, but it’s like reading a beautiful movie, jesus, I’m still so weak for this fic!! One of the first ones I read in this fandom, and I still randomly think of it every now and again)

Obviously, lots of old and gold here, but that’s because it’s the canon all stars, or whatever...I love a TON of newer fic for all kinds of reasons, so if you need some recs, say the word!

[kweebtrash]

Kinky Headcanons/Turn-on's for Messy

Some of these aren't really "super kinky" but everyone's gotta start somewhere

Eri:

Being tied up with rope (shibari)

Fucking machines

Non stop vibrator torture

Anal (giving/receiving)

Strap-ons

Hot girls telling them what to do

Hot boys telling them what to do

Double penetration

Oral (mostly receiving)

Leather paddles/wooden paddles/ silicone crops(basically whatever hits hardest)

Leather cuffs/metal handcuffs/blindfolds

Being a bratty sub

Choking/breath play (especially if being done by large hands)

Ballgags

Hair grabbing (but not pulling)

Deep voices/moans/breathy gasps and soft curses

Slow deep fucking

Rough hard fucking

Public sex (public spaces but hidden from view mostly)

Slight daddy kink (but theyre too embarrassed to say so...for now)

Femdom (when their dom side strikes they can be particularly brutal)

Degradation (giving only)

"Baby boy", "puppy", "sweet prince", "princess", "sweetheart".

Collars/leashes

Finger sucking (giving/receiving)

Big hands, big bodies, big dicks

The usual scratching/biting (giving/receiving)

Cock warming

Squirting

Fuckboys who dont deserve anything from them

Johnny:

Hair pulling (receiving/giving)

Soft moans/sighs/sex noises

Having all control in sexual situations

Oral (receiving only)

Nipple sucking/biting (giving/receiving)

Thick thighs

Biting (giving mostly but he doesn’t mind a few bites on his neck just not as harsh)

Pinning hands down (he wouldnt mind just a small bit of restraint play)

Mutual masturbation

Some public sex (open spaces but hidden from view)

Girls riding him

Slight daddy kink (he's still awkward about it but he's willing to try it)

Begging (hearing other people beg for him)

Doggy style (goes with the having all control and pinning down kink)

Kissing (he loves kissing so much like oh my god he could make out for hours with the right person)

He likes cupping a girl's face in his giant hands before running it over their bodies and pulling them close to grind into them and deepen kisses

He's really into sensual touches?? Like rubbing thighs/hips/backs. He likes spreading his fingers over warm skin

He also likes doing teasing scratches just to see people shudder/shiver (he likes scratches on him too)

He also likes grinding. Grinding on thighs/hips/between the legs. He likes the friction against him

He doesnt mind slow fucking but he also doesnt like the intimacy of it. He rarely does it

He prefers hard and fast fucking -something that will leave a lasting impression

Short girls (especially when they have to stand on their tiptoes/look up at him. He dont mind taller girls either just short ones are his preference)

Girls with trust issues and big attitudes

Lucas:

Oral (giving/receiving, he actually enjoys eating people out and can do it for awhile)

Cuddles/pets/snuggling

Anal (giving)

Sex with multiple partners (threesomes mostly, hasnt tried an orgy yet)

Fucking one person then moving onto the next one quickly/going back and forth/sharing the same condom(or doing it raw, also kinda goes with the cumplay a bit)

Watching girls make out/have sex (eyeroll into next dimension)

Fucking without a condom

Cumplay

Being a tease/annoying to get what he wants (he can be bratty/pouty and a little subby like but he isnt really into bdsm dynamics)

Loud sex noises (he's loud himself)

Hes into any sexual position tbh

Hes generic when it comes to sex but he's still pretty good at it.

He's always willing to try something new

Overall he wants to have fun

Yuta:

Shibari

Having partners dress up in cute outfits before tying them up (he does enjoy a good school girl outfit)

Vibrator torture

Double penetration with vibrators/dildos (giving)

Overstimulation

Orgasm denial

Cumshots/squirting/messy orgasms (he prefers to cum on people more than anything)

Blowjobs (his preferred way to get off. He likes it rough and dirty)

Yuta's the kind of person that enjoys watching the torture then getting off later (Eri usually has to beg him to actually fuck them instead of having to give him a bj)

When he does penetrate he prefers missionary to watch the pleasure on his partners face or watch them squirm and cry

He can literally like drink tea/eat/do homework etc while someone is in his bed tied up and being plowed by a fucking machine.

He'll even sometimes yawn and pretends he isnt bothered by the fact that he's denying orgasms (he's a little shit)

Ballgags/gags of any type

Collecting panties

Taking videos/pics of who he's fucking to admire his handiwork

He can do normal sex but he gets bored easily.

Ten:

What doesnt ten like lmao (piss/pee/vomit/extreme little/caregiver dynamics)

Will try almost anything once

Shibari and any other restraints, not limited to cuffs and things. His goal is to get someone in a St. Andrews cross

Hes a power bottom with guys around his size(and certain girls), (mostly)dom with girls, mostly sub with bigger guys

Vibrator torture (giving, sometimes receiving)

Double penetration (giving)

Sex with multiple partners (he's been in a few orgies)

Crossdressing

Fire play/knife play/ needle play (hes the most experienced)

He hasn't tried hook suspension but he'd like to learn

He goes to bdsm parties/events and sometimes performs in them, therefore he doesnt mind public sex and voyeurism

Orgasm denial/overstimulation (giving)

Edging (receiving)

Puppy play (light)

Collars/leashes are his fave

Vinyl/leather/silk/pvc

Sensory play/deprivation (ice play, headphones, wartenburg wheels, etc)

Anal/rimjobs (giving/receiving)

Sloppy blowjobs but cleaner eating out

He likes getting cummed on (by guys mostly)

Choking/autoerotic asphyxiation (to the point of passing out)

Multiple orgasms/going multiple rounds (ten's probs a nympho tbh)

Rough/hard/fast/bruising sex only

Marking- branding, bites, bruises, rope burns

Making his bottoms cry bc he thinks it's cute

Trying to fuck straight guys that will never give him the time of day

I could go forever with ten tbh

Taeil:

Library sex/public sex

Dirty talk (nothing overly gross though)

Eating out (he's the BEST at giving head)

he’s great at manipulation and getting girls to do what he wants/convince them to sleep with him.

roleplay

rough fucking

praise (receiving)

making his partner have as many orgasms as possible

keeping his partner quiet/covering their mouth with his hand (maybe stuffing their panties into their mouths, who knows)