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drtenebres · 3 years ago

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who are the most developed/most focused on characters right now??

Thanks for the ask!! It’s hard to say who is the most developed character right now, due to so many brain cells trying to work together, but we’ve all got our own individual ones we’re working on that we feel the strongest about !

@shslstraws :

blah blah blah this is where jude talks about oumota -Snelly (SHAAAAADDUPPPPP -Straws)

Kaito (My beloved) - A commonfolk who was oblivious by the magic world around him until he inevitably is pushed to it, by living his new life as a Tenebroso werewolf. The cause for how he became a werewolf is unknown, and he tries to keep away from his friends and family to protect them from this “curse”. Kaito gets in a mix of mages and eventually meets with Kokichi, a plague doctor who claims he can cure him. He slowly realizes and comes to face the reality that is Tenebres.

Kokichi (Most developed??) - A mage who lived in an orphanage until he gets adopted by two mages, Nagito and Hajime. Kokichi dreams of being far powerful than both his dads and going back to recruit the other orphanage kids to his upcoming organization. Until he gets a set back when he takes things too far with the magi academy, he gets demoted to a Plague Doctor; a low status of a mage. It is until he meets Kaito, on one of his duties, and believes if he figures out the mystery behind Tenebrosos, he will earn the right to regain his place back in the academy.

Shuichi (Most Focused on ATM) - Born from the great Kyoko Kirigiri and Makoto Naegi, there are a lot of expectations put upon Shuichi since he was very young. The expectations were too high and too heavy to carry that Shuichi decided to leave behind that life and the Kirigiri name. He meets up with Rantaro who gives him the ability of a werewolf, and thinks he can finally start anew. Until he faces the same problems with being a werewolf and being part of a pack, Shuichi decides to live amongst the commonfolk with his new friends Kaito, Kaede, and Maki by his side.

@baylardian-1 :

Kyoko (Most focused on) - A detective who grew up working under a large magefolk entity in the specific branch that deals with magic-based crimes. Kyoko is telepathic with a hindered use of magic due to a strange curse covering both of her hands. Because of her ability to read minds and the overwhelming loudness many voices can create in her head, Kyoko prefers working alone. Eventually she retires from her occupation and becomes a private investigator alongside her husband Makoto.

Hifumi (Most developed) - A hamster familiar most closely resembling a smitten patsy for Celestia Ludenberg. Not having many friends he impulsively chose to follow a pretty girl one day and has never ceased. Initially out of threat, Hifumi would perform healing spells for Celestia after her hunts in addition to take care of her every beck and call. Nowadays their relationship takes on a more unspoken respect and fondness for one another.

Mukuro (My beloved) - A Tenebroso werewolf nearing closer to being 400 years old in age. Born a mage alongside her younger twin sister Junko, many events surrounding their past are shrouded in mystery. As a Tenebroso she has an unnaturally extended life. Mukuro is naturally covered in scars and physically looks to be reaching her mid 50's-early 60's. She is most often however seen to be disguising herself as a young girl.

@snellymain :

Kiyo (Most developed) - A socially reclusive vampire with a guilty conscience and a sworn duty to feed by killing swiftly rather than turning anyone else into a vampire; since he hates his vampirism and his sister that cursed him with it. Has a huge fondness for humans and anthropology after his controlling sister's hatred for them caused him to have extremely limited interactions with them. Ends up committed to a mage named Angie while the unwanted spirit of his sister began haunting him after many years of being dead.

Mahiru (Most focused on) - A standard mage with very little powers and a high respect for her non-mage mother, matching her disdain for her mage father. She got into photography as she had no attachment to her underwhelming magic, until her mother urged her to go to an academy so she wouldn't let her powers go to waste like her father did. After doing so, being out in the world more, she met Hiyoko and Hiro; in which she happily adopted the former and angrily married the latter.

Angie (My beloved) - A healing-based blood mage raised communally on an island, she heals others wounds with their own blood and often secretly takes their blood for her own use while doing so; mostly to feed her partner Kiyo, but she also has a fascination for blood of her own, initially being a result of her village's blood sacrifices and now a result of her blood magic. Generally a loud nuisance, though a medically helpful nuisance, in her academy.

@samsquatchem :

Doodle + blurb done by Snelly ♥

Yasuhiro (Their beloved) - A nomadic powerful mage with a wide variety of powers, mostly focusing on clairvoyance and near-limitless telekinesis; generally wanders around getting money wherever he can but spending it horrendously, ending up in a constant flat circle of time. He’s basically homeless; not out of poverty but what he considers convenience and tax evasion, for the most part and bums around Mahiru’s place. Close friends and a father figure to Hiyoko, (much to Mahiru’s initial dismay) the two bond over their shared tendency to wander and be in a new place every week + magic that neither know how to use properly, she became quickly attached to him due to him being the first person to talk to her after she ran away from home. Hiro is able to see the future but unable to speak it verbatim or else the opposite outcome will come to fruition, he can only nudge clients in the right direction of his visions. Most people think his magic is a scam and he’s the most useless mage ever.

@sutexii :

Chiaki (My Beloved) - A wooden mask enchanted with a human soul, powered by dream juice and magic robotics. Created by Chihiro to live in the dream realm (where u go when u sleep + also where the killing games take place) to gather data on it for Chihiro’s research, and help those in it travel safely. Has a deep fascination with the unpredictable and strange, and enjoys seeking out new knowledge wherever she can. Still likes her games, and while originally given access to some to help entertain those she’s traveling with, she just ends up hoarding them herself.

Tenko (Most Focused On ATM) - Commonfolk w/ a smidge of monster that comes out when her anger peaks. Abandoned due to said anger issues as a child, and taken in by Aoi and Sakura. She had a very Ghibli idyllic childhood, having adventures with friends and delivering donuts for her mom. Learned martial arts from her mom, taking a particular liking to Aikido, and through it learned to control her anger. Follows childhood crush Himiko around to protect her, leading to her entering the less than legal artifact smuggling trade with her later in life.

Aoi (Most Developed) - Water elemental with a love for baking donuts and raising/rehabilitating carp. Married to Sakura, having met when she wandered into the pond in her family’s abandoned dojo and decided to stay to fix it up, motivating Sakura to fix the rest of the place up in turn. Very carefree, friendly, and laid back, loves kids and taking on the “fun auntie” role. Never worked on her humanoid appearance much at all until motherhood, Tenko enters their life and it became hard to hold back a feral monster baby with fins.

@Soupcifer_ :

Nekomaru (Franken-maru) (most developed) - A reanimated corpse who was brought back to life thanks to the help of Kazuichi and Mikan. Unfortunately, he has amnesia and thus no recollection of his past friendships and family. He's a lot more quiet and mellow in comparison to his old self which makes him seem pretty dull, but in actuality he's being rather attentive and simply trying to understand everything that's happening. He does a lot of behind-the-scenes work when no ones looking like cleaning up after Kazuichi and setting reminders for Akane (still a team manager at heart).

Gonta (My beloved) - A vampire raised by werewolves. He only recently came to terms with being a vampire as he lived most of his life assuming the form of a wolf. He has an obsession with bugs, classic literature, and vintage clothing. Gonta likes to follow around a few of his friends, Angie and Korekyio (wink), and be of assistance whenever he can. He unfortunately has trouble dealing with his vampire nature sometimes due to only having lived with werewolves, so he often turns to Korekiyo for help.

Chihiro (most focused on) - An electric elemental! Chihiro is the creator/parent of Chiaki and Monomi. They have a passion for creating things that run on electricity and magic and as a result created their two lovely daughters (that and to investigate the dream realm). Chihiro also has the ability to possess electronics and machinery! Despite being incredibly small, they can emit a surprisingly large amount of energy which makes possessing large or complicated machinery an easy task.

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keepitbetweenus · 3 years ago

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Born in the 2000s

I was born at the end of the new millennium, and I grew up in the clichéd single-parent working-class family. We often depended on my grandmother, financially, as my mother was getting back on her feet since the divorce. My parents married and separated before I was born. My dad spent a portion of his teens alone, as my grandmother got a good job in Costa Rica and lived there for several years. My mom was the first daughter and third child of the most hardworking university professor in the country, who made her children work hard and sacrifice themselves for her as much as she did for them. I would say that my upbringing was kind of old school, as I got to play and run around my neighborhood without a cared. I still got scars from those wild and rough days, but I consider them to be physical proof that childhood really was a carefree time.

After graduating high school I truly didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, so instead of sitting down and thinking about it, I ran and distracted myself with odd jobs and new friends that wouldn't dare to ask me what am I going to do with my life. As months passed by, I started to think of everything I liked or had an interest in as a potential career. But nothing stuck. Football, no. Architecture, no. Photography, no. Drawing, no. Performance, no. And nothing came to mind as something I wanted to pursue, so it slowly dawned on me that I maybe in the small group of people in this earth that doesn't have a dream.

Going into 2020, to a new decade, with this new piece of information about myself made the road ahead look more hard and confusing than ever before. A few months into this new decade and the world 🌍 came to a halt due to a global pandemic. This provided me with time to reflect about everything under the sun… but one question consistently came up, and the question was --- what was I going to do with my life? That question was constantly stucked in my head. So went running for answers. I looked and scoured through all of my belongings for something that would possibly put me on the right path. And a small, red notebook from 2015 gave me the answer to a 2-year journey. Inside this notebook, I found diary entries and stories from my teenage years. And just like that it all clicked for me, what I wanted to with my life is this. Express myself and form a connection with others through shared experiences and heartfelt emotions. All cleverly disguised and packaged in a masked superhero swinging through skyscrapers, or five high school students, all with different mindsets, facing detainment in their school library on a Saturday morning.

It took me a couple of years to find my passion in comparison to most of my peers… So what. Life's a marathon, not a sprint. And you'll only get to the end if you're focusing on yourself and what's ahead of you.

#biography #writing #my art #personal #2000s

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marymccartneyphotos · 5 years ago

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Mary McCartney Gets By with a Little Help From Her Dad

The Globe and Mail-- May, 3 2013

Mary McCartney’s life in photographs started when she was just an infant. That baby on the cover of Paul McCartney’s first eponymous solo record, released in 1970, is her, peeking out at the camera from inside the sheepskin coat of her famous father and Beatles co-founder. The photographer was her mother, Linda Eastman McCartney, who early on nurtured Mary, the first-born child of her union with the former Beatle, to share her love and passion for photography. Today an established artist in her own right, Mary McCartney has shot intimate portraits of some of the celebrities who have long orbited around the family of a Beatle: Chrissie Hynde of the Pretenders, Elvis Costello, Debbie Harry, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band artist Peter Blake, Marianne Faithfull and Vanessa Redrave to name a few. These portraits and others of contemporary celebrities such as Madonna, Kate Moss and Gwyneth Paltrow comprise the bulk of her 2010 book, Mary McCartney: From Where I Stand, now the focus of an exhibition opening at Izzy Gallery in Toronto next week. The range of black-and-white and colour images include behind-the-scenes portraits of dancers from the Royal Ballet and of her fashion designer sister Stella McCartney’s fashion shows. Mary McCartney discloses the point of view of an insider, allowing her viewers open access to the rarefied world of fame. But as she tells The Globe and Mail in a conversation touching on growing up on the road touring with her parents’ rock band Wings and her life as a mother of four sons, making that access look easy is all part of the art.

Let’s start by talking about creativity. Tell us about your process.

I think my process is thinking about the end images so I start with an atmosphere of a photograph that I want to get, then work back from there to attain that. I have an image in mind. For instance, when I did the ballet project, Off Pointe, with the Royal Ballet, an image came into my mind of a ballet dancer tending to her feet in her bathroom at the end of a really long evening of performance. And from there I worked back, and contacted the Royal Ballet and met the dancers. But it all came from an initial mental image.

You and I share a fascination with the backstage world of the ballet dancer. Why have you chosen to portray ballet dancers far from the footlights?

That’s a good question. I chose the ballet because I think it’s a private, very personal, almost all-consuming world. It’s quite intense. I’m not so physical. I’m more visual, and I would never be able to have the endurance and lifestyle that a ballet dancer has, so I think it’s so far from the stamina that I think I have myself. So, I find it fascinating that they can perform the way they can do, first of all. Then I met a ballet dancer years ago once. We were at a party in Soho and we were drinking together, and she was smoking, and a friend of mine was like, ‘You don’t smoke; you’re a ballet dancer,’ and from that, it kind of intrigued me more, and then meeting the dancers. They socialize together; they have relationships together and there’s like a whole other world of intensity and from that I was really quite intrigued about what goes on behind the scenes. And so I met some of the dancers, and they kind of let me into that world. So I think partly because I found it so intriguing because it was a whole lifestyle I didn’t know about, and secondly, it was to do with sort of gaining that trust, to be allowed into that world to shadow the dancers, and from there I really wanted to do it away from the stage and the rehearsal rooms as much as possible, mainly because that part has been already been captured really well, and I was more interested in their lives and relationships and what goes on away from the rehearsal room.

You have one of the dancers poised over a pool table.

Yes. That was fun. That was when they had done a performance and we all went out to dinner and a party and from there we went back to someone’s apartment and they ended up playing pool. But I just love the fact that you can tell she’s a ballet dancer by the way she’s draping herself across the table. It’s very much about their lifestyle. There’s another one where I stayed over with them at one of their homes, and in the morning one of the ballet dancers, her name is Sian [Murphy], wanted to make a cup of tea, and she’s standing with her feet in a ballet dancer’s position, but, you know, she’s just got her underwear on, and a towel wrapped around her head because she’s just washed her hair, and you can just tell she’s a ballet dancer even when she’s making a cup of tea.

I understand you are continuing to work with dancers for a new project. Can you tell us about that?

I’ve been working on my new book project, called Devoted, and it is carrying on from the dancers in that they have such devotion to their lifestyle and the commitment, the time commitment, everything that they put into their career. It kind of takes over their lives. And then you have the sacrifice, a certain amount, to live that life because it is a real passion. So I’m continuing with the dancers, and I am taking other subjects. I photographed a geisha, which also has that ritual and that dedication to learning the process. I am doing various other subjects based around that devotion and that commitment.

This behind-the-scenes point of view permeates all your work, even of celebrities. Why do prefer this approach?

I am quite intrigued by what goes on before the performance. I’ve always been curious. Like, if I watch a play or a dance recital or anything really, even if it’s a kids’ puppet show, I get really distracted thinking: Who is this person performing on the stage? How did they get there? What was their life like? How did they end up performing in this way? Even to the point of, What’s their dressing room like? And what’s their ritual before they come up on the stage? What do they eat? What time do they sleep until they don’t feel too tired? So you know, I get really distracted asking myself lots of questions. I really am quite fascinated by these people and their lives, these people’s personal stories, and I suppose it’s that privacy and that intimacy before the public display. So trying to get myself into these situations where I can kind of observe them in their more personal moments has always intrigued me.

But even when you are photographing people on the stage, like Bjork for instance, the approach appears shy and private. Why?

Hmmm. I think it sort of interests me more. It’s sort of looking at something from a different angle that isn’t the one that everyone sees. It’s the kind of thing, when I look at a photograph like that it makes me ask questions or want to know more about the story. Whereas if it’s more of a typical shot taken for the more normal kind of view point then maybe I’ll look over it a bit more quickly whereas I want to get something more arresting, to make people stop and make them look at it and wonder what the story is behind it, to make up their own story around it. I like images that make you question, make you wonder a little bit.

You got your first big start photographing the Blairs while Tony Blair was still in office as the British prime minister. Can you tell us about that experience?

Um, it was quite an interesting one. I started working as a photographer working in my mother’s photography archives, and helping her edit images, and through that Cherie Blair, we had donated one of mom’s photographs for a charity project they [the Blairs] were doing, and so we met though that, and then I just got a phone call one day from Fiona Miller, her adviser, saying can we meet somewhere to discus something privately, which was very intriguing. So, when we met she said, ‘Well you know, Cherie and Tony Blair would like you to take the first pictures of their baby because they are aware there will be a lot of public interest and they would like to have someone that they trust come and take the pictures in a relaxed environment and then release the pictures that way rather than have paparazzi stalking them that sort of thing.’ So they invited me in and it was very intriguing because it worked very much in my style in that I love to gain that trust of my subjects and go into quite personal situations and get portraits and photographs that way. [Those photographs] have an intensity about them. He was only about 36 hours old when I took those pictures, so there’s a tension in the air of a newborn, and just being in Downing Street, with all the press outside. It kind of had an excitement to it.

How else has your late mother, Linda McCartney, influenced you as a photographer?

I think that in her photographic style she would take pictures that looked really easy to take and really simple. She didn’t do a lot of big lights and fancy stuff around it. But she would get very intimate, relaxed photographs. She could get her subjects to really, really relax in front of her, and she used a lot of available light situations. So in a way the pictures look quite casual but they are capturing very important moments, so I think that has really influenced me, because that is something that I like to do.

We can’t leave Paul McCartney out of the equation. How has he influenced you as an artist?

He has influenced me in that he, as a child I remember he and my mom would sit together and he would edit my mom if mom was doing a book, and they would sit around with prints and he would help edit pictures of her and so he has a really good eye, and a really good opinion on things. So when I’ve done exhibitions and books, I get my edit together but then I meet up with him, you know for breakfast, and go through working prints and ask him his opinion. I think he’s got a good eye, and he’s always been interested in photography. And he’s had a lot of amazing photographers over the years take his picture, so I think he has a really good opinion. I ask his judgment still on his favourite shots, if I’ve got a shoot going on.

You grew up on the road while your parents had the rock band, Wings. Have you ever thought to rebel against all that anti-conformity that has surrounded you all your life as the daughter of a major rock star and icon?

No, I’ve never felt the need to rebel. I think that, there was a lot of time on the road growing up, and a lot of travelling, but I had my siblings with me so it felt quite normal. There was a lot of activity around, and mom and dad would, if we were somewhere for a while, rent a house rather than putting us in a hotel so it would have a kitchen and cooking and home living around it, still. Other than that, they were quite interesting, rounding experiences and also by the time I got to 8, 9, 10, they settled down, and stopped touring for a while. So it sort of was more those younger years where you’re still quite flexible. So when I got a bit older we did settle and I was at a school kind of normally and not moving around all the time. But I think, no, I haven’t rebelled against it. It’s made me enjoy travelling and seeing new things and I think maybe I’m quite adaptable to different situations because of it.

You dedicate your 2010 book to your family. How has your sister, Stella McCartney, influenced you?

She and I have worked on a few projects together. I worked on a campaign for her photography. But you know we are close and we hang out quite a lot so we bounce ideas off each other.

How about brother James?

He’s been quite a good subject. I’ve taken a lot of photographs of him over the years. I like taking pictures. I do commercial projects and I do more personal things during holiday times and so he’s quite fun, and quite quirky and I’ve done a nice range of pictures of him. He’s a great subject. He’s got a great sense of humour, and in the past he’s sort of performed well for me before the camera, so I’ve got a lot of nice photographs of him over the years but quite quirky, which I like, they make me smile.

Digital or darkroom?

A combination of the two. I do a lot of digital commercial work but my books and exhibitions and limited editions are generally on film. It depends. Depending on what the shoot is I kind of build the kit around that, so if I’m shooting and it’s just me and the camera on my own exploring then I generally use film, and if it’s more a shoot where I need a team, then I will shoot with digital because you can e-mail the edits and it’s much more practical, but my heart is still with film. That’s how I learned. A lot of the photographs that have inspired me are beautiful black and white, grainy prints, so I like that texture.

Do you like developing the pictures, then?

It’s more the film quality and the look of it and the actual shooting with film that I like. I’m not so into printing and that side of it. But with film comes uncertainty. Yes and you wait for the contact sheets and see what you’ve got. I like that. It’s a bit more magical to me. But you know digital, when you’ve got it set up properly, it’s pretty hard to tell the difference.

Your coming visit to Toronto: Is it your first time here?

I think it will be my first proper visit to Toronto. I’ve been before when dad played there. But I just came in for the evening and went to the show and then left so it’s my first time, yeah, it’s my second time.

What’s been your experience working with the Izzy Gallery?

They’ve been very encouraging. They’ve got a good eye and they’ve worked with my images, suggesting images that they like, so we’ve kind of worked together on the edit for this exhibition, and, um, they’ve been pretty easy and nice to work with.

How do you choose the galleries you work with?

I often work in the sense that I have a request. I was approached by the Izzy Gallery and then from there I do a bit of research on the gallery and then it works that way. They approached me and I knew some of the photographers who had worked with them before [Albert Watson and Ellen von Unwerth] and so I made the decision from there. I generally work with more specialist photographic galleries that specialize in limited editions. This interview has been edited and condensed.

#Mary McCartney #Linda McCartney #Paul McCartney #Stella McCartney #James McCartney #interview #photography #family #cherie blair #leo blair #tony blair #royal ballet #sian murphy

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wsmith215 · 4 years ago

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On Behind The Racquet, Noah Rubin brings tennis players’ mental, emotional struggles into focus

“This sport has a way of making you feel irrelevant while at the same time giving you this sense of entitlement … Chances are if you were once ‘talk of the town,’ that will quickly diminish over time.” — Noah Rubin, Behind The Racquet

AS THE CLOCK crept toward midnight and the winds blew off the Mediterranean and into the Puente Romano Tennis Club, Noah Rubin hunted for an escape. It was March 2018. Rubin had just lost his fifth straight professional tennis match, a disappointing two-and-a-half-hour roller-coaster ride that was a microcosm of his career.

The grounds of the chic club, founded by Bjorn Borg on the Spanish Riviera in 1979, had long ago emptied. Groundskeepers had switched off all the lights except for the ones for the court where Rubin had just lost. Security closed and locked up the café. Rubin, more than 3,500 miles from his New York home, gathered his belongings and headed into the darkness. Four courts away, he found a set of empty cement stairs. He sat down. And began to cry.

Fifteen months earlier, there had been another walk, onto the famous blue court of Melbourne’s Rod Laver Arena for a second-round Australian Open match against Roger Federer. Rubin threw everything he had at Federer that sweltering January afternoon. After breaking Federer’s serve in the third set, he instinctively pumped his fist and screamed “Come on!” The outburst irked the tennis great, and Federer stared through Rubin during the subsequent break.

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“I was like, ‘I pissed off Roger Federer,'” Rubin said. “How amazing is that?”

Rubin lost in three sets that day but won the belief he belonged. A little more than a year later, after this first-round qualifying loss on the ATP Challenger Tour, tennis’ version of the minor leagues, the swagger was gone, replaced by anger, embarrassment and a plummeting sense of self-worth.

“I just didn’t feel I was worth anyone’s time,” Rubin said.

The story is a common one in tennis. Young star tastes the big time but struggles to escape the clutches of the game’s proving grounds. It’s a grueling climb, one athletes rarely discuss publicly until it’s over. Their competitive shield is too thick, the fear of vulnerability too strong. Rubin believed he had the talent — and work ethic — to be a top-50 player and build a comfortable life playing the game he loved. But he couldn’t crack the top 150 and was barely breaking even.

“I could just sort of feel my soul slipping away,” he said of that night in Spain. “I just sat there thinking, ‘What am I doing that I’m so upset and so miserable on the tennis court?’ It was my lowest point. It was also a beginning.”

“People forget we aren’t robots. People see this fantasy world and guess that everything is kind of perfect. There are true struggles that each and every player deal with that are far more important than winning or losing.” — James Blake, Behind The Racquet

NINE MONTHS AFTER the disappointment in Spain, Rubin sat in his childhood bedroom in Long Island, jet-lagged from his most recent trip to the Australian Open. It had been another up-and-down stretch for Rubin. He temporarily numbed the pain of six straight losses with an August 2018 upset of fellow American and then-No. 9 John Isner. But he then began 2019 with a second-round qualifying loss in Melbourne.

“He was down on himself and struggling, big-time,” said Tallen Todorovich, Rubin’s agent. “He was this blue-chip recruit who thought he would show up and have immediate success.”

Noah Rubin defeated Frances Tiafoe and Taylor Fritz, among others, on his way to the 2014 boys title at Wimbledon. Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

As the clock pushed past 3 a.m., Rubin scrolled through Instagram while watching “Inst@famous,” a Netflix documentary about social media influencers. He thought about “Humans of New York,” the social media project turned New York Times bestselling book profiling random New Yorkers blurred in the shuffle of the largest city in America. He wondered about applying a similar concept to tennis players lost in the pursuit of their on-court dreams.

The idea was simple, combining his passion for tennis, photography and journalism. Athletes would pose for a picture hiding their faces behind the strings of their racket. Then, in their own words, they would reveal the human struggles behind chasing greatness. Within an hour he had a name, “Behind The Racquet.” He quickly registered Instagram and Gmail accounts and purchased the URL https://bit.ly/2LKyq8l for $750.

On Jan. 19, 2019, Rubin posted the first picture for the project. It was a shot of himself, his face slightly blurred by the lime green strings of his racket. Below the photo, he revealed his greatest fear: letting down the people closest to him. It was an emotion he felt from an early age in a tennis-loving family. Rubin’s grandfather, a self-taught tennis star, passed the game on to Noah’s father, who put a racket in Noah’s crib when he was 1.

Noah’s dad was his coach early on, and Noah saw him lose work after his boss would give him an ultimatum about choosing the boy’s tennis tournaments over his work commitments. He saw his mom, who worked in education, sacrifice her summers to work at a local sports facility so Noah and his sister could receive free lessons. Then he saw his parents’ marriage fall apart. They divorced when he was 12.

“I always felt this yearning to pay my parents back,” said Rubin, now 24. “I would ask myself, ‘Am I doing enough for all their time and effort? Is all this worth it for them?’ Tennis is one of the most financially grueling sports. We were not wealthy. We were fine. But they used basically hundreds of thousands of dollars to pay for this. That’s tough.”

To the outside world, it all seemed worth it. By the age of 7, Rubin was beating kids five years older. By 12 he was competing internationally as one of the top-ranked players his age. Then at 18, with his dad watching from the stands, Rubin won the Wimbledon boys’ championship. Lawrence Kleger, the director of the John McEnroe Tennis Academy, tagged Rubin the best player to come out of New York since McEnroe himself.

It all led to a young man growing up fast. A young man sitting in his childhood bedroom on that January night in 2019 still trying to process it all. His place. His purpose. An understanding of what happiness and contentment actually looked like. Why was the game he loved making him so miserable? He’d begin to find answers through sharing the struggles of others.

“Throughout my life, I was always the youngest to do things, which added hype that I didn’t want. … I was just lost. I was confused and overthinking if this was what I wanted or what others did. It took many moments sitting, thinking and crying.” — Coco Gauff, Behind The Racquet

IN THE 16 months since launching Behind The Racquet, Rubin has shared more than 135 stories while building a following of more than 40,000 people on social media. The posts have shown the human side of sport, shining a spotlight on everything from eating disorders and speech impediments to the death of a parent and battles with depression and anxiety.

“These are humans. They have pitfalls,” says retired American tennis star James Blake, who has contributed to the site. “It’s great for young players to get that perspective. In the past, it was all kept secret. But this will help so many realize they’re not alone. It’s OK. And it’s a positive to get help.” Blake believes the pressure in tennis and other individual sports is unlike any other.

“That’s why some of the best talent isn’t always the best performer,” he said. “Every tennis player can tell you about a guy who beat them in practice but couldn’t put together the results when it came time to perform.”

Rubin does the interviews for most of the posts, then paraphrases those conversations into the subject’s voice. In one of his early interviews with his friend Darian King from Barbados, Rubin discovered that King had lost his mom in 2010 to pancreatic cancer, which he did not previously know.

“I stopped the interview,” Rubin said. “I just felt so sorry. I felt like an awful friend. But it wasn’t on him or me. It was on everybody. There just isn’t a platform to feel comfortable talking about things like that.”

Noah Rubin has featured Coco Gauff, Madison Keys, Petra Kvitova and other stars on Behind The Racquet. Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

In early 2019, Rubin connected with Jolene Watanabe, who upset Jennifer Capriati in the 1997 Australian Open. Watanabe was fighting appendix cancer and wanted to spread a message of hope and resilience. Rubin planned to run the post a few weeks later. But then he received a message from Watanabe’s husband, Sylvain Elie. The couple had just returned from the Mayo Clinic, and the news was not good. Doctors told Watanabe she had two weeks to live. She was saying her final goodbyes. Elie asked Rubin whether he could put her on Behind The Racquet before she died.

“She was basically bedridden,” Elie said. “She wasn’t using her phone that much. I told her you might want to check Behind The Racquet. She was emotional about it. It meant a lot to her.”

Added Rubin: “Here’s this dumb idea I had jet-lagged, and it becomes one of someone’s final wishes. I can’t even compute and articulate what that means. If anything, it just shows I have to keep doing this.”

In April, L’Equipe, the daily French sports newspaper, included Rubin as one of six active players in its list of the 20 most influential people in tennis. The other five: Federer, Novak Djokovic, Andy Murray, Rafael Nadal and Serena Williams. The paper referred to Rubin as a “lanceur d’alerte,” a whistleblower.

There’s now a Behind The Racquet podcast, merchandise and long-term talks of a docuseries and a tabletop book. Rubin hopes to share the stories of athletes in other sports while also connecting with Talkspace, an online therapy platform, and developing mental health camps through the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

“It’s grown into something far bigger than I could have imagined,” Rubin said.

“It always affects me when people judge without any thought. It is one thing to argue but to think your opinion is the best never makes sense.” — Daniil Medvedev, Behind The Racquet

IF THERE’S ONE thing all professional athletes know, it’s that everyone has an opinion. For Rubin, it started with the passive-aggressive comments of neighborhood parents when he would miss a birthday or bar mitzvah for a tennis tournament. As a professional, it’s become the gamblers, who Rubin says reach out on social media with everything from “Your mom should die in hell” to “Hitler should have killed your people.” “The most racist, homophobic, sexist, anti-Semitic comments you can imagine,” he says. “It’s incredible.” Now the topic is Behind The Racquet. There are those who insist Rubin is complaining because he is not good at tennis, others who suggest Behind The Racquet is a distraction getting in the way of his tennis potential, and still others who insist just the opposite, that tennis is getting in the way of Behind The Racquet and his mental health work.

“Everything changes depending how I played that day,” he said. “I’m always like, ‘Just pick one, people.'”

Ignoring some fans’ wishes, Rubin intends to continue pursuing both his tennis passion and his work in mental health awareness. Barrington Coombs/Getty Images

For now, Rubin’s plan is to pursue both lanes. It’s become normal for Rubin to compete at a tournament and have a competitor tell him that he appreciates the site or that he’s thought about how he would share his own story.

“On the most basic of levels, it’s gotten people to think about these things, maybe even speak to others about them,” he said.

Rubin has spent the coronavirus pandemic back in New York with his girlfriend, practicing on the streets while using his free time to focus even more on Behind The Racquet. He says he has more than 30 interviews in his queue.

On a personal level, he has finally found a balance of happiness and contentment. His game is as strong as it’s been, he insists. And even when he does inevitably struggle, he has learned how to handle it better.

“It’s become an extreme form of therapy,” he said. “You have these deep conversations and begin to understand there is more to life than tennis. There’s more to tennis than tennis. And you can’t give up your happiness to get to the top.”

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kevinmoyer · 7 years ago

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Colorful California Wedding at Dawn Ranch :: Megan & Evan

After nearly ten years of blogging, we have some real gems in our archives, and it seemed a shame to think they might be buried by newer posts! So we’re dusting off our favorites…

Photography by Christina McNeill.

Color was second only to love on Megan and Evan’s wedding day! As the bride says, for her, color “exudes happiness” so there was plenty of it at their celebration. Bold colors, playful details (like paper airplane ceremony programs!), and a darling couple with mile-wide smiles make this charming wedding one you won’t want to miss.

Did you include any traditions in your wedding? I wore my great grandmother’s diamond and sapphire bracelet – for something old and something blue. I also had small pieces of lace from my mom’s and mother-in-law’s wedding dresses sewn into the train of my gown as a silent tribute to both sets of parents.

Why did you choose this location for your wedding? Dawn Ranch Lodge was the perfect venue to celebrate our love for one another while sharing the weekend with our family and friends in wine country. All wedding guest stayed in charming cabins on site throughout the weekend and were invited to attend the Friday night rehearsal dinner “I Do BBQ” – an evening topped off with burgers and s’mores around the fire pit for dessert. The bright rustic flowers, handmade bow ties and vibrant bridesmaid dresses were a tribute to our playful and authentic love for one another and my passion for color.

The ladies carried brightly colored bouquets of pink and yellow peonies, accented with orange dahlias, roses, ranunculus, blue nigella sativa, succulents, and foliage.

The Ceremony

Your ceremony in three four words. Rustic, colorful, authentic, playful.

Who officiated your ceremony? Neither of us are very religious, and felt that it wouldn’t be appropriate to ask an unfamiliar minister to officiate. Instead, we chose a very close family friend, for a non-religious ceremony. We chose Eric because he grew up with Megan, and their families shared many celebrations together throughout the years. It felt like a perfect fit. In addition, we felt his genuine personality and light heartedness was a perfect tribute to our relationship.

Ceremony music: Processional: Pachelbel’s Canon in D // Recessional: Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”

Classical Guitar by Jean Paul Buongiorno.

What were your ceremony readings? “How Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog” by Taylor Mali, and a “Blessing of the Hands”.

What were your vows like? We chose to write our own vows with the feeling that it would be more personal. We wrote them down and have since kept them in a safe spot to re-visit together in the years ahead.

What was your favorite thing about your wedding ceremony? The feeling that we were sharing the most intimate day of our lives with family and friends who have supported us both individually and as a couple throughout many stages in life. It was amazing to have the love and support from the most important people in our lives from all over the country together in one spot.

Is there anything else that you’d like to share about your wedding ceremony? When each guest took their seat, they found a single river rock on their chair. We asked each guest to make a wish for our future together on the rock, and then collected the rocks at the end of the ceremony. They will eventually be used in the garden of our first home.

Ceremony programs were folded into paper airplanes to toss as the newlyweds walked back up the aisle – such a playful touch!

The Reception

How would you describe your reception? Rustic and romantic.

What inspired you when you were planning your wedding? My love for color – to me it exudes happiness.

Did you have a signature cocktail? Moscow Mules – the wedding party received handmade hammered copper mugs as part of their gifts. Dawn Ranch staff collected all mugs prior to the ceremony, and had drinks poured and ready for the wedding party in the mugs immediately after. Our other guests were served Moscow Mules at the cocktail hour.

Family Style Dinner Menu: FIRST: Mixed Green Salad with Shaved Apples, Candied Pecans & Honey Champagne Vinaigrette // SECOND: Grilled Mary’s Organic Rosemary Chicken Breast served on top of Napa Cabbage, Sauteed Onion and Bacon Hash, Fingerling Potatoes, Cipollini Onion Sauce // SIDES: Sun-Dried Tomato, Kalamata Olive, and Scallion Couscous / Polenta Milanese / Seasonal Vegetables // SWEETS: Pocket Pies from Crisp Bake Shop in Blueberry Lemon, Rhubarb Cream Cheese, Apple Salted Caramel and Banana Nutella Pocket Pies

Catering by Dawn Ranch Lodge. Pocket Pies by Crisp Bake Shop.

Are there any DIY details you’d like to tell us about? We worked with Beth, one of my Maids of Honor and best friends, to produce a majority of the paper goods, including Welcome Basket details like the itinerary. Evan’s mom made the napkins, as well as his bow tie!

What was your favorite moment or part of the reception? Megan: Marrying my best friend and dancing with my dad. He’s really the best. // Evan: The father/daughter and mother/son dances. Evan chose a song very sentimental to his mother, but kept it a surprise – it was a very heartfelt moment.

Special dances: First Dance: “Today” by Joshua Radin // Father/Daughter:“Over The Rainbow” by Israel ‘Iz’ Kamakawiwo’ole // Mother/Son: “You Are My Sunshine” by Elizabeth Mitchell

What was the best advice you received as a bride? Take a moment during the reception to be with your husband and reflect on the day. It was awesome to step away and watch our best friends and family tear it up on the dance floor in celebration of our day. All the hours of planning and preparation are gratified in this moment!

What advice do you have for other couples in the midst of planning a wedding? Hire a planner! There are so many decisions to be made, vendors to align, and schedules to coordinate. Your day will come fast, and you’ll be so thankful to have someone else there to manage the details so you can enjoy the amazing weekend with loved ones.

Do you have any budget tips for other brides? Trust me when I say that there will be unexpected costs throughout the process. Early on you will want to choose the best of the best for EVERYTHING – the further along you go the more you realize this is probably not possible. Don’t be afraid to prioritize early, and decide where you’re willing to sacrifice.

If you had it to do over again, is there anything you would do differently? Not a thing. It’s a process and in the end, it all works out the way it should. Trust this.

Tell us about your cute cake! In addition to the hand pies, we also had a cutting cake that was shared between us that evening and saved to eat on our first anniversary.

Cake by Patisserie Angelica.

The post Colorful California Wedding at Dawn Ranch :: Megan & Evan appeared first on Snippet & Ink.

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goodthingimamom · 8 years ago

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New beginnings?

I am attempting to pick up where I left off 5 years ago, with a freshly-started and soon-forgotten blog (a wordpress by the same name, as a matter of fact. Its still there, lonely and inactive). I had just had my daughter, I was a stay at home mom while Baby Daddy was working full time as a car salesman (money was very tight), and I was trying to find my place in a world where I never actually got to interact with anyone. I found a mommy group on Facebook and I was suddenly surrounded by people with a common interest. Immediately I found myself interested in baby wearing, cloth diapers, and all things crunchy and granola. If you’re a mom, you know what that means. Basically, I wanted to get to the roots of all-natural parenting, happy to ignore the “progressive” movements such as pureed first foods and self-soothing.

To be clear, I still believe in these things. What I also learned, however, is that the mom community is outrageously judgmental and cliquey-- two things I avoided through all of my undergraduate life. I found myself confused at first; why did I feel left out? Yes, I’m a stay at home mom, but in this circle I have joined and have felt so at home with, how have I come to feel like such an outsider? Is it even possible to form cliques in an online community? Surprisingly, the answer is yes. With one post, you find your questions go unanswered. You feel a little lost, a little misguided, and a little abandoned. You have a question about the one squishy thing you love most in this world, your flesh and your spawn, yet no one is listening to your concerns. No big deal, some posts are missed. You try again on another day with another topic. Again, your post is ignored while other moms-- the funny ones, the generous ones, the bubbly and smart and wise ones, all have their posts answered in seconds by ten and twenty or more responses. What’s so different about mine?

This became a theme until I realized that maybe the parenting community wasn’t a community after all. We had a common interest but no common core. So once again, I felt like the same outsider I had been all throughout high school; nice enough and under the radar, but still a little awkward and ostracized.

About a year and a half after my daughter was born, Baby Daddy and I went through a separation. I knew it meant divorce for us because I knew the definition of common-law marriage. I knew avoiding it would only end in a tax audit and I wasn’t down for that. Anyway, I moved in with my mom and step-dad, got a retail job that I actually love, and put my nose deeper into my school books. I was aiming for a degree in nursing but was still largely undecided (I ended up focusing on biochemistry, but that has since come full circle and I’m back to nursing. That’s another long and fairly boring story).

I dated a guy, I spent a lot of money I shouldn’t, and once a week when my daughter was with her dad, I had a life. I HAD A LIFE. I’ve NEVER had a life before. I got out, I went on adventures, skipped town for the night, enjoyed myself and my independence from my parents’ house. I lived. And then that eventually ended too, with a lot less money than I had before.

More long stories and two years later, I finally bought a condo for my daughter and myself to live in together. For the first time, I would have my own place and make my own rules for my daughter. Everything was set. I was still in school, I just landed full-time status at work, and I was ready for the single-mom lifestyle. Honestly, it was more than I had ever realized I wanted. Just me and my girl and my independence.

A few weeks after having my offer accepted on the condo, I decided to try online dating; lets face it, I wasn’t meeting anyone anywhere. A few messages here, a dinner date there, and then I found him-- my search for love had ended and I knew it the first night of us talking. Sounds too good to be true, right? Right. In all honesty, we hit it off perfectly. Everything we talked about was in sync. He was sincerely interested in me, he wasn’t pushy and made no assumptions, he was even so shy that I had to ask him out first. The poor man could barely ask for my number on his own. We had our first date, and he was adorably shy and reserved but we had a great time. We stayed out until 2 am when I had work at 5 the next morning. He tried to take me out to lunch after I was off work and I politely declined in favor of a nap. The next day was the first day of the new semester and we got lunch after I was out of class. The rest was history.

As it turned out, exactly a month after our first date, I closed on my condo. I moved in three days later. Bless his heart, he basically did the whole move himself, especially after I sliced my finger open with scissors on moving day and had to get 8 stitches. He literally wouldn’t let me lift a finger for the rest of the day. He hasn’t spent a night away since.

Yes, he has lived in my condo since day 1 (though he didn’t move his stuff in until 3 months later, technicially). In many ways, I have to tell myself that it was a sacrifice to make for a supportive man who truly does love me. He has a hot temper, we fight, we disagree (he’s a control freak and I’m freakishly independent; we don’t see eye to eye a lot of the time). In the tough moments, I regret it all. Letting him stay that first night, setting that precedent. Not putting my foot down and letting myself be in control of my own life for the first time ever. Going with the flow to see what would happen instead of deciding for myself.

For those of you who are wondering, he is great with my daughter. His son is 4 months older than her, and he really is great with kids. He’s stern, so he commands her respect, and she learned quickly that he will not bend to her 3-year-old whim. She may not always like him, and neither do I, but we both love him. He reminds me of my own dad in a lot of ways; very imperfect but very well-loved. Despite all the commotion at times, I have never felt so secure. I have never felt so connected to someone and so unable, spiritually, to remove myself from them. I have never had a problem letting go of people who prove they don’t deserve a place in my life. But even on our bad days, I don’t let him go. It’s not that I can’t, its just that I don’t. I choose not to. Sometimes I consider it, sometimes he does, too. Neither one of us commits to leaving because we commit to stay instead. And I guess that’s what really locks it in for me, because isn’t that the first rule of marriage? “Til death do us part” is tested the second a man and his bride lose their lustful passion. The second they argue and regret their choice to wed, the second they want to back out and take the easy route (the one where they don’t have to responsible for any other adult’s happiness or well being). That’s when divorce happens. That’s when it happened for me. But this time, as quickly as it started, as fiercely as we love and fight, I don’t back down. And neither does he.

And, here I am now. I’m a mom with a very, very small circle of friends. Its more of a triangle, really. One best friend and a few acquaintances, some stronger than others. Some come and go. I have a step-son who challenges me the way all children who aren’t mine always have in that I don’t know what my role is supposed to be or where my boundaries lie. My daughter is my soul mate, my husband is my pillar, and my dogs are my biggest hobby. I have tried so, so many hobbies-- photography, video games, BLOGGING (lol!), baking, homemaking, sewing, crafts.... Nothing sticks. Nothing inspires me. I enjoy taking pictures, but not enough to get out of my house and go find pictures to take. I LOVE cooking, but it feels like a chore most days since I don’t have an affluence with which to buy ingredients for dishes I really want to make. As much as I like how scientific and precise baking is, it bores me. Video games stress me out because the entire time I just feel like I’m supposed to finish, so I never actually enjoy what I’m doing.

So why the blog? That’s a good question, and the best answer I have is that maybe I’m trying to redirect my addiction to social media into a forum that could actually be productive. Its the opportunity for self-reflection, a medium for honesty in my progress or lack thereof. Its a flowing brainstorm, a mind map of more than 160 characters, where I can bounce ideas off myself. Maybe that will help me find myself and my passions. Find my direction.

My current focuses for beginning this self-improvement revolution include: 1. Get back to being obsessed with school; my 4.0 GPA fell apart after I moved out of my parents, partly due to being busier with a bigger family, partly due to working full-time, and partly due to being overwhelmed with the feeling that I can’t hold it all together any more. 2. Do something for myself each day that does not include the television or Facebook. Actually pick up that guitar I bought myself when I had signed up for guitar classes (before I moved and I thought I would have time for such things), pull the keyboard I got my daughter for Christmas out of the closet and start remembering how to read music, play sudoku, or read a book. 3. Use the Happy Planner that I bought (and am in LOVE with!) but always forget to use. Seriously, I’m so unorganized that I can’t even remember to keep my planner with me. I always think I won’t need it, and then I realize too late that I do. 4. Try to keep up with my appearances a little more. I am seriously obsessed with house shoes and sweatpants. It’s becoming a problem. Now I’m shaving my legs a few times a week, I’m wearing actual clothes when I leave the house, and sometimes I even wear makeup. I’m trying this new thing, you may have heard of it, its called fake it til I make it. Basically I dress like I have my life together and maybe I’ll start to feel like I do. 5. Get back in shape! Get out and run the dogs, they need it anyway. Go to the gym after the kids are in bed instead of passing out immediately. I got myself some home weights to use while I watch Netflix.

I have 3 weeks until the end of this semester, and then it is summer break which means I won’t have to feel guilty about enjoying myself. The Hubs and I have a lot to do, like fixing both of our cars and doing some home maintenance, but we are also really hoping to go camping this summer. In 3 days we start crate training our puppy. I want to exercise my butt off, literally, because come October I will be the maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding. After summer my kids are starting kindergarten. After next semester, I will (maybe?) be applying to nursing school. There are seriously so many things I need to get motivated for. And motivated is just something I’ve never been.

So that’s what this is. My accountabili-buddy. My declarations and confessions. My admission to success and relapse. This is my account of self-improvement and self-actualization. Stay tuned if you feel so inclined.

#momlife selfimprovement motivation findingmyself

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