#one month in. dozens more to go!
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I cannot wait for Aziraphale and Crowley’s season 3 blowout
Crowley screaming at Aziraphale that he gets it. He gets that they couldn’t be forever. Aziraphale could never truly want him while he’s still demonic and dirty. Hereditary enemies. So be it. He understands, he just wishes he figured it out earlier
Aziraphale screaming back at Crowley that he’s made it clear he could never love anything more than he hates Heaven. And Aziraphale is Heaven so how could he ever stand to be with him? He understands, Crowley is what he is and Aziraphale can’t ask for more. He just didn’t think he was
And that declaration strikes them with agonized horror, and at first it’s just more anger. How dare you believe that? How dare you think so low of me? If you think that then you never knew me.
But they can’t keep it up. That anger, slowly starts to give way to reveal the heartbreak underneath. No less painful then the day they separated. They can’t keep the walls up anymore, they don’t have the strength
You are the best of us, Aziraphale begins. Yet heaven failed you and hell hunted you and the thought that either might hurt you. I couldn’t stand it. I still can’t stand it. I thought I could make Heaven the place that saw you for what you are. I wanted you to be safe.
Me? Says Crowley. Ten million angels up there and if god took them and mashed them all together what ever paragon it made still wouldn’t be worth you. Heaven couldn’t deserve you. And you certainly deserved better than their cage for eternity. I thought that could be me. I wanted you to be free.
They look at the other as the reality of what they both failed to understand settles in.
I wanted to build you a world
I wanted to give you the world
I never needed that, they tell the other. I had you.
You are my world.
#good omens#ineffable husbands#good omens 2#good omens season 2#one month in. dozens more to go!#I’ll be fine!! :))))
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"likes don't do anything" they do
"there's no algorithm" there is
"well nobody uses the for you tab" I do
"reblog all art and fics you see" there's no thought put into that. if this does work on people, then it's just pity engagement borne out of guilt rather than genuine interest, which is arguably worse than having none, because it's totally hollow.
#if I make art of my ocs who I'm personally fond of and spent a few days drawing just right and it gets 3 reblogs then it gets 3 reblogs#it's rational to feel a little disappointed sure. but I can't do anything about that. it's just luck#and I got Very lucky accumulating a few thousand followers on my main-turned-art-only blog off the back of when m.oomin was very popular#(tho realistically many of those users are probably inactive/passive followers now)#and having this number of people tuned into my posts Still only gets me a couple dozen notes on original stuff.#every 3 years or so something might blow up. like that bugs bunny comic lol. and I did Not expect it to#especially bc it happened about a year after I shared it as well.#it can happen any time. so don't feel discouraged when your art doesn't get noticed right away#the one advantage this website has is that there's far less of a fomo culture compared to other socials where trends come and go in a week#and people will still interact with older posts. especially bc it's easier to find what you want through the tagging system. sort of.#there's really no way to predict this or aim for large engagement! oh unless you're specifically catering to the current hot topic#like d.unmeshi is wiiiildly popular right now. I've seen comics get 5-digit notes in under 48 hours 'cause more eyes are on it.#but if it's not something you personally like and you're only creating things for the attention then you're gonna be unhappy#and people will inevitably move on.#I'd much rather swing my art back around every few months or so until it finds someone it resonates with#than make people who were never planning to engage with it feel bad for no reason
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why did he do this (rhetorical) (profoundly affected)
#obviously referenced from start to finish. half second shots that kill#you go ''i was already Changed by the mere socked glasses flip / kick gifs. i'm ready'' but you are actually collapsed on the ground#raising my hand as one of the handful of randos who stood up suddenly these past few months like why yes i Will watch your films then#and also as [guy lecturing & emphatically pointing to laptop] i have to do everything myself the undereye coloring is a distinctive trait#fashion icon shit around here also i'm not kidding in the least#i want well another pair of glasses for one & graphic tees short shorts a fanny pack a calculator(?) buttonsy digital watch i completely do#also again with the adhd these flashbacks were beautiful. inspiring. revelatory. profound (cont.)#it's also occurring to me that i've watched a couple movies for the first time recently and it was like. man cmon#one horror one that was like. I Said Man Cmon. another non horror one that was just like an unending shrug#all the more appreciation like yeah hey a horror movie and also just a movie where it's like yes i'm completely along for the ride wahoo yay#raising my third hand as a correct opinions about media haver#corned beef#it#no time to be coy i was here three and greater than three years ago. and just nowadays; evidently:#reddie#online listicle video voice The Couple Of Dozen V Varied Moments From The IT Movies That Drew Blood (Mine)#whoever came up with this sequence i'm kissing on the mouth like my god. again: profound#the power of the rileable using their end of things as their plausible deniability. like oh god i hope he thinks i'm cool. ok asshole Enough#being the guy Just Standing There like fellas the boy you're in love with very insistently did this wyd (only caring abt literature)#adding a 50% pink overlay like it comes time to make these coloring choices & i put on a vivacious song to inspire having fun / being myself#great choice imo. now to slide right under that midnight est wire
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when people who like seasons 1 and 2 better explain why it was better they always lose me when they say "the characters were what mattered the most the supernatural plot was basically not that important it was ALL about the characters" like...that's just what YOU were more interested in not what was happening in the show? like wdym the supernatural plotline wasn't that important in seasons 1 and 2. saying that it was more balanced or more subtle i get but saying that the supernatural plot wasn't THAT important and that it's not what made anyone love the show is a blatant lie
#and like i say: brf slt#and i've seen people say this many times on many occasions i'm not even exaggerating. or making anything up#and i've been saying this for. a year and a half. minus two months. when volume 1 came out someone tweeted 'what the duffers fail to#understand is that no one watches st because they care about the russians or whatever. people watch st to see a ragtag group of kids be#nice to each other! to see a lesbian and a man with nice hair be friends!' and i said i agree with this at like 60% the 60% being ofc that#i hate the russia stuff we know this. but like. as much as i like the relationships between the characters if there's no life-threatening#things going on for more than a few dozen minutes...then i don't really care like that would be another show. (this has been a constant#i was not as into the show or the characters as i am now when i said that like volume 1 was my first time watching the show#since 2019. and it's a constant because it's still true) like that's literally what fanfic is for. or other shows.#and plenty of people watch stranger things for the russians or whatever i was actually surprised when people were ranking the subplots i#saw quite a lot of people put russia in their top 2 i was stunned. it was mostly older people older people meaning anyone who was 22 in#the past. i'm kidding but like idk people who were like 40+ and also guys? idk. like there's actually an audience for that my bad you guys#(not my bad i will always be a russia in st anti. because i hate it.)#my point is. no that was actually it. i just don't get it wdym people don't like the STORY plenty of people do. in the fandom especially i#totally get focusing more on the characters and being more interested in that i literally never talk about the supernatural plot and i#really like the characters yk and i understand when people say that they enjoyed the distribution between character things and supernatural#plot things in s1-2 more but saying that the supernatural stuff was like an afterthought and that no one actually cares or cared ever and#that it was never important is? like i get where they're coming from but also...no#and i get doing the 'if you don't take it as literally the monsters and supernatural plot things mean this and that for real life and for#the characters' i think it's very fun but like. if you don't like the genre and ignored it for the characters...?that's not really on them#i worded this like my joyce and bob post from july i hope you like it. the first sentence only#wait i actually didn't. just realized. false advertising sorry#saying this as someone who likes seasons 1 and 2 better too that goes without saying
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Btw for anyone who's never visited my blog and/or doesn't use desktop, I just want you to know that it's a relic blog with an audioplayer, the old tumblr format of indented posts, and a custom floating gif that walks up the right side of the page. I put my love into this theme and I'm going to share it!
#erurandomness#erubabbles#I think I've had my theme like this since...maybe 2017ish? oh god how long has it been#The NieR image in the side is probably a 2017ish thing since that's when I played it. Maybe 2018 because I didn't lose interest right away#I also remember that the background (right side) was Tenebrae from FFXV which I was super into in 2016/17ish#so yeah I want to say the bones have been like this since 2017ish#though I've changed some things over time.#I think I used to have more blues or a different green in the solid color part of the side bar#I've also edited the fonts colors and headers#the audio player songs I've changed a few times. and need to do it again because 2 or 3 of the links are dead#and kain I added in a few months ago. it was a different gif before#but yeah! i don't know why tumblr is getting rid of people's custom blogs but for now I still have mine#I'm going to get really sad if they get rid of them entirely. i've put dozens if not hundreds of hours into customizing mine#and my side pages#over the years. both this one and side blogs. this year will make 11 years of being on tumblr man. so i've invested a lot of time into it!#i will say that this view is at 133% zoom but I don't want to make the theme itself any larger for the sake of ppl with small screens
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The management at my old apartment stole my fucking bike
#apparently theyve been mass 'confiscating' bikes off peoples porches without telling anyone that theyre taking them#i dont know how long mine has been gone bc i didnt notice it was missing until i went to load it into my car to move it#but if its been more than (i think) 30 days then it would be considered forfeit and they would have already sold/claimed/trashed it by now#my gf and i saw a whole pile of 20+ confiscated bikes near the maintenance building but it doesnt look like mine was in it#i called them today to ask about it and they told me that for them to look for it i would need to provide a photo to prove its mine??#its MY bike! you stole it off my porch. how tf was i supposed to know that i needed to take a picture of it beforehand#they told us we can go check out the pile so me and my gf are gonna go look more thoroughly now that we're officially allowed#but if its IN the maintenance building we wont be able to find it#and if they already sold it or took it home with them or threw it away then it also wont be there#and i cant even ask them to confirm when they took it / if its already gone#bc it looks like theyve been doing this with dozens of bikes over the past few months so how would they even remember one specific one#what the fuck#rambling#also to be clear: they arent being confiscated BECAUSE theyre on the porches#the bikes are supposed to be under the stairwell and thats where mine was#my neighbors who leave their kids bikes piled on their side in the yard got to keep theirs#theyve been doing unscheduled porch painting without any sort of warning or notice on and off since like december tho#so my only guess is that they decided since they werent giving us any notice to move our stuff off the porch ahead of time#they decided to just move straight into confiscating everything off of the porches and hoping no one would call them out on it#which is fucking bullshit
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Love letter to madara 💌
Dear Madara,
You have given me endless amounts of creativity and introduced me to fellow Madara enjoyers, many of whom have become the dearest of friends. This blog was dedicated to you as a place for me to share all my silly ideas as an outlet for my own enjoyment. Now, it has become a place where strangers on the internet interact with me for Madara content. An infinite tsukuyomi dream come true!
I'm glad I survived hundreds of episodes of filler and flashbacks so I could be rewarded with your character. Thanks to you, I get to be inspired by anons like these who are so funny and sweet.
Yours truly,
madarascumslut
#hi everyone#i am started to go through the ask box again#those who have been waiting months i apologize and thank you for your patience. this summer has been eventful#but im feeling creative again!#and i have a lot more free time coming up#i plan on getting at least ONE ask done every week. there are dozens of you#i will try to get the oldest ones first like this lovely anon#if you have been waiting for yours to be answered and saw other ones first#im sorry! its not because i didnt see it. its cause i havent been inspired.#anyways. if u have read this far. i love u#asks
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tag someone you want to know and/or some of your besties.
I was tagged by @fourth-quartet 😊 Thank you!!
favourite colour: Gray but I'm currently in a brown phase
last song: I've got recently reacquainted with Beginner by AKB48 😄
youtube
last series: The Kidnapping Day. It was a lot more wholesome than the name suggests.
last movie: Saw X (surprisingly also a lot more wholesome than you'd expect????)
sweet/savoury/spicy: Sweet :3
currently watching:
Koisenu Futari
Chains of Heart
The Golden Girls (season 1)
Love in the Air (2nd rewatch)
other stuff I watched this year: Not listing all of it here (I've never watched so much stuff as I did in 2023), but I'll mention the ones that I enjoyed watching the most from each month so far (*not including rewatches):
JAN: Wednesday
FEB: GAP
MAR: Not Me
APR: Tick, Tick... Boom!
MAY: Utsukushii Kare
JUN: Tale of the Nine-Tailed 1938
JUL: Takin' Over The Asylum
AUG: Marry My Dead Body
SEP: Utsukushii Kare: Eternal
OCT: The Sandman
shows I dropped this year/didn't finish: I barely remember the ones I watched till the very end 🤡 But ok, let me see...
Eve (dropped after one episode; Rich People and their Rich People Problems™, I think was the reason)
A few straight GMMTV shows that I didn't really catch the name (I. Well. I just. I just couldn't make myself give a fuck, ok 😔)
+ Currently deliberating whether or not I should drop Chains of Heart. All the subtitles I've found are lacking in terms of coherence, and the story itself is already not the most straightforward, so I can only hope I'm understanding what's going on at all? 😀 And I'm also not feeling the main couple from either the present nor the past (? I suspect they are the same (but I may never know))... HOWEVER, I like the acting of the main, and the Thai scenario that is not Bangkok for once. That's always refreshing. And sometimes the cinematography is pretty too... Decisions, decisions...
currently listening to: Back for More by TXT & Anitta (I went after the link for it and distractedly searched for "banger" instead of the title 😆)
youtube
currently reading: Codename Villanelle (it's a small book but I'm. ..struggle)
current obsession: I'm not obsessing over anything at the moment 😟☹😫 Have been too busy with mundane adult life problems (therefore, as you can imagine, I'm just about going up the walls here :))
tagging: @eatprayworm @thisautistic @hyp-no-tic @visualtaehyun hi 👋
#tag game#it's one of those weeks when I feel like my old acquaintances might be sick of me already#SO I tagged some people I think might be really cool but haven't directly approached yet#you know. for maximum anxiety#I've lost many songs over the years (it's never safe to have only one copy of them; thankfully I can afford more now)#the first time I found Beginner (as a pre-teen) I just downloaded it randomly listened to it and liked it so much I decided to keep it??#oh to be young and not care about stuff like viruses or managing your time#at some point while writing this post I finished watching Ko¡senu Fut@ri#10/10 no notes#(lies. there are notes. dozens and dozens of reblogs just waiting for me to spread them all over your dashboards in the near future)#tick tick boom was quite nice... for a musical#(not a fan of musicals so to have one on my list is. wild)#already four months since the Lee brothers left me 😪#and I haven't heard a word about LDW's new drama in MONTHS. actively gnawing the bars of my cage rn#OH OH WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT#SPECIAL MENTION TO <SUMMER STRIKE> IN MAY#if my other option wasn't Utsukush¡i fricking K@re I wouldn't even hesitate. but. it was#and everyone knows I'm not normal about this one 😀🙂#if anyone wants to advocate in favor of Ch@ins of Heart. please. I'm all ears. is it worth it?#uhh. I'm not gonna disclose much but it's true I'm under a lot of stress lately. there is a lot going on right now.#I might not be able to watch new shows/be around tumblr while I (try to) sort my shit out#just a quick heads up 👍
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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Swear to god if I was actually a proper reddit user I’d be posting the stupidest AITA posts
#so my friend rang me asking if i could print something out. mind you i got her message saying that and i was responding and she literally#didn’t even give me one minute to answer. so i answer the phone already annoyed because it’s like.. where the hell is the fire#i’m trying to eat my tea here and you make me leap out of my seat to answer the landline because you can’t wait 30 seconds for a reply. why#so i answer the phone and she sounds like she’s been crying so i’m like ‘god what’s this thing she needs me to print… a ransom note??’#why was it a template for a gingerbread house. so i’m like ‘yes of course i’ll print it. are you okay though’ she says she has an upper#respiratory infection. i’m like ‘that’s fucked up. i’ll print your thing but are you sure you should be cooking for people’#she’s like ‘thank you so so much ellen i’m so sorry for putting you out; i’ll pay you’ and like. here’s where i will freely admit that i was#being a dick. but i have told her a million times before to STOP offering me money for random stupid favours like printing literally one (1)#document for her or giving her kid a bag of crisps to keep her quiet or something. it drives me crazy when she does this because it makes me#feel like she’s trying to imply that i’m that much of a frugal penny pincher that i’m going to sit here and calculate how much a piece of#paper and a millilitre of ink costs me and charge for that miniscule sum. or like i view our friendship as transactional or something#which could not be further from the truth. like bitch i’d give you a kidney no questions asked. stop offering me money to print your shit#and she’s soooo apologetic over it too; she’s like apologising for being alive. and the self flagellating bullshit drives me CRAZY#like it does not cause me any trouble whatsoever to open one singular application on my phone and click two buttons. my printer is plugged#in 24-7 because that’s how it tells HP when it’s out of ink and to send more. a service i pay 99p a month for mind you. i don’t notice#i don’t care. most of the time i make my granddad buy my printer paper because he shows up here unannounced asking me to print dozens#of flyers from his club and doesn’t otherwise offer payment so i’m like ‘well can you buy some paper since i now have none’#so what i said to her was ‘if you offer me money one more time i’m never printing anything for you again’ which i think bamboozled her#i was like ‘i’m printing it now. pick it up whenever you want just don’t offer money’ she’s like ‘but i was just thinking—‘#‘DON’T FUCKING THINK’ yeah that was an overreaction possibly. but i was just like. i don’t want to hear your justification for why you want#to give me 5p or something for printing your stupid gingerbread house template. don’t tell me it. i disagree with it#if you want to pay for your shit to be printed that fucking badly you can go to the library#so anyway she messaged me saying ‘i’m not coming over because i don’t want to argue’ i didn’t reply but i was literally just sitting there#thinking… we don’t have to argue. i’ve told you my terms. just don’t offer me money for stupid little favours and you won’t hear an argument#from me. that’s all#i honestly feel like she’s just offering me money because she knows it makes me mad. she loves annoying me. well she’s succeeded#AITA? yes but also for the love of godddd will you just LISTEN to me. if it’s a joke it’s not fucking funny at this point it’s just annoying#personal#rant
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genuinely so emo abt the fact that i have friends who want to do stuff w me now omg
#i was v scared for college bc i have had. such awful luck w finding ppl who want to do things w me#the closest friendship ive ever had was online lol and even that ended w me being ignored and pushed away so its a v foreign experience for#other ppl to v openly. enjoy my company and continously invite me to things just bc they want me to be there#like ik a good part of that is everyone trying to not be lonely as shit these first couple weeks but all of the friends im referring to#were part of a summer program where they got to show up like 6 weeks early and so they already have friends and ppl to hang out w#so its still rly cool that i showed up made friends w like 2 of them and now 3 weeks later im having to actively plan time to do hw and#watch my shows and stuff bc im being invited to eat and walk around and watch movies and do things all the time#shit is surreal !! im so grateful esp when my suggestions for things to do are well recieved like today alone i invited some of them#to go to the barnes and noble opening in a town near us next month + to a open house at our states observatory. and other ppl were actually#excited to learn abt those. its insane im so used to being ignored and treated like the things i care abt dont matter i love life rn omg#ppl are so cool and interesting sometimes i still feel like i am the most boring person in the room bc i never had the time money location#or motivation to explore a ton of my interests but when i tell ppl abt that feeling theyre like bitch me too !!! lets go snowboard and hike#and have observing nights and paint and dress up for halloween together and its makes me so happy. that is all#actually one more thing i was initially thinking abt dressing up as asa csm (which is. already an improvement from younger me feeling so#isolated she avoided dressing up for halloween for a decade bc she never felt close enough to go w anyone) BUT NOW im a part of a 2 month#old plan for like a dozen ppl to dress up as monster high girls AND im gonna be draculaura. literally such a slay i cant#🌸.txt
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We re-arranged my furniture on Friday, and now I can see a whole murder of crows on the roof of the next building while sitting at my desk.
#teruyo talk#there's at least a dozen of them#they come and go in ones and twos#rad creatures#this re-arrangement is already so great and will help even more once a certain Issue has been taken care of#the past two months have honestly been incredibly rough for me but hopefully things are looking up#the zine stuff has honestly been great in keeping me grounded#EDIT: it's actually like three dozen holy crap
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Hi, So since you're a writer, how do you feel about the whole Jenna Ortega situation? I've seen a lot of writers taking a dig at and I don't necessarily agree especially in such important moment like now , but Idk, thought?
She deserves every bit of it. You'd be hard pressed to find a writer who isn't rightfully fucking pissed at her horrible attitude and straight up disrespectful comments so unless she's planning on writing every script for the rest of her career I can guarantee you she's going to have a tough time, at least behind the scenes. And I know her stans love to say "Oh but the showrunners haven't said anything bad about her!" Yeah, because unlike her they're professionals 🤷🏽♀️
#truly no writer is having it and I'm so happy they're putting her on blast#she evidently has no respect for us or the work we do so why shouldn't we be allowed to make a few jokes???#if she doesn't like them then she can rewrite them 😊 she wrote the entire show anyway basically#at least according to her lol#you have NO idea the amount of extra work she made for the already underpaid overwork and abused writers in that room by refusing to do job#you guys think scripts are pulled out of thin air#TV is a medium that takes MONTHS#every script takes MONTHS and dozens of layers of approval form different people#from the showrunner to studio execs to the network to legal to...everything#sometimes one line of dialogue may seem insignificant but it is the thing that later triggers an entire storyline.#and we spend months crafting that in rooms#painstakingly going through rounds of notes from every department and level until you FINALLYYYY get a script approved#after 5 or 50 drafts.#and after all that work from literally dozens upon dozens of people for the actor to not only blatantly refuse to read what was written#but turn flippantly change it and BRAG ABOUT IT IN THE MOST DISRESPECTFUL WAY?!#it's immaturity and entitlement at its finest#the idea that the people who spent years and hours on end developing this show knew less about the character than her is...PHEWWWW#anyway...I hope we see MORE signs#if I wasn't immunocompromised and could safely be at the picket lines one of my signs would probably be a joke about her now lol#at least a dozen people have already tested covid positive so I can't go until people start wearing masks and being safe#but I'm sure she's been talked about plenty at one point or another at every line that there's a sign about this#the idea that we should brush off this level of disrespect or consider it unimportant when we're in this position#exactly because so many people seem to think what we do is unimportant and either AI or actors who 'know better' could replace us#or do a better job is...something#anyway...your faves are nothing with writers#give us the credit we deserve#jortega#anonymous#answers#rants
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I really hate how much my brain hates to do new things sometimes
#oops i’m ranting in the tags apparently#tw for uhh depression and anxiety and eating difficulties in the tags if you read them#i made it to the door of a cafe two blocks from my flat#i’ve walked past it a dozen times in the six months i’ve lived here#and the menu looks good it’s coffee and breakfast foods and sandwiches#and they have donuts from a donut place i like#but it’s in a building with like three doors right next to each other and i didn’t know which one it was#and now i do bc i thought to check the address online#and made it to the door but it looks small and there were People there because it’s like noon duh#and i couldn’t see if there was more table just by peeking through the window while trying to look like i wasn’t peeking in#so i stood a foot away from the door and then left and went to my normal coffee place one block in the other direction#but i still haven’t gotten FOOD which is … not great i haven’t eaten anything in a couple days#i mean i had chinese food that i split between sat and sun as my lunch at work#but i should probably eat something but i’m tired of only going to the chipotle near safeway or the pizza bar which isn’t open yet anyway#which leads us back to i hate my brain and i’ll probably just end up getting chipotle again#but there are so many local restaurants that i want to try!! but i’m so picky about food while also hating to ask for modifications#and i used up most of the energy today dragging myself into the shower for the first time in dayss#and i need to do laundry and go grocery shopping and do the dishes and and and#and i’m still fucking exhausted even though i passed out on the couch last night and didn’t drag myself out until like 11 am#and i have work tomorrow so laundry NEEDS to happen because i worked eight days in a row and have zero clean work clothes#and i can hear my stomach growling at me because coffee was not enough and i know better and i’m really not trying to starve myself to death#but goddamn i just don’t want to have to do anything#i hate this#why brain why#mental health: deteriorating#my ramblings
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The universe can stop now. It can stop. I’ve had enough now, it can chill out. I’m good. It can stop.
#for god’s sake#i’m nine months pregnant#our new washing machcine bought in feb is defective#and i’ve been fighting for a repair or preferrably a return for 3 straight weeks#with seemingly no progress#bc as soon as it was fixed it broke again#no one told us when we bought our house 2 yrs ago we’d have to file for primary residency#so our taxes jumped up 58.6% and our mortgage company raised our mortgage $600 more a month to compensate#i’ve had to call so many county clerks offices to retroactively try to fix that and bring it down#but they’re on a time scale of 6-8 weeks#which mathing out from when i got the paperwork filed is my due date or 2 weeks after#and the bank got part of it fixed but isn’t applying it to our next payment yet#our insurance decided now was the time to require us to use their online pharmacy for ‘maintenance drugs’#but took 2 weeks to tell me if my pregnancy stuff was considered maintenance bc it’s short term#i’m having to try and get a company to pay for the medical bills from my er trip when i got food poisoning#and it took me dozens of calls just to figure out what bills were coming from where and how much#i’m going to four med appts per week bc i’m stupid high risk#and can’t eat anything without intensive math because of this stupid gestational diabetes#to the point where i can’t even have unsweetened applesauce in my cottage cheese anymore bc that’s started spiking my blood sugar#found that out today#and on top of it all#i just had to call our internet company#bc i saw a $130 bill and was like that can’t be right#but no#it is#the promotion i was put on in november that i was told would last 6 months and keep our bill down to $60 a month#oh no#it was marked for expiration on march 3rd no matter what#and every other thing i was told about it was a lie and now i have to face living with it or finding a new company and i’m tired#just. please can everything just sort itself out so when i go into labor i don’t have to think about any of this shit
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#periodical life updates#finished all my criminology homework! now i got sunday off to chill and maybe draw and also me and my sibs might go to chinatown? but idk#because dad's bbq-ing which might change some plans. anyway! eating dinner now :> its not my favorite but it is okay <3#high priority art to-dos: commission | daily eca (for tomorrow and the project) | art for *** and ******* | annual birthday redraw#general arts: mrd thing for monday | solepsi art | things for the ace iterations | the cases ref#self indulgence: drawtectives (i wanna draw more eugenes) | agent | fun ace things#my queue is winding down so that might go quiet in a bit <3 there's about a dozen things left <3 we'll see i suppose <3#project sekai updates: cannot believe i have to wait 6 more events until the next wxs event i just want a cool emu :'0#my strongest team is all four stars except for a three star emu; i just want a 4 star for her <3 also!! nicori smile survey for that event!#and also its probably the one where tsukasa makes a child cry by yelling about how hes gonna be a cool star hgkjh#but theres been so many events that just! arent wxs! it's been 13 events since the last one to the next one we get u-u <33 i miss them;;;#but we get some mmj ones so at least theres that <3 mmj's my assigned group and wxs's my favorite group so i have an attachment to both <3#but yeah im gonna save up gems for a cool emu card <3 theres the valentines day one too? AND ALSO. TSUKASA AS A KNIGHT?#FOR THE WHITE DAY EVENT!! HE LOOKS AESTHETIC AS HEL I LOVE KNIGHTS!!! <3 so maybe i'll try for those!!#im also writing a drawtectives fic and recently i drew some aces from one of the old aus <3 i miss him i love my little guy <33#im downloading all my old twitter archives. i have a lot of memories there i need to keep or else i'll be so sad <3 trying my best <33#i have school on monday as usual <3 can you believe my birthdays coming up this month? it feels like ive been 21 forever hgjkh <3#i think thats all the updates for now; im sleepy <33 goodnight. thank you for reading; ily <33
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