#one is crisis text line which i am a counselor for

[tiptoeing-atnight]

A little over 2 weeks ago I became a crisis counselor for one of the hot lines. I haven’t even told everyone in my life because of the reaction I got from some of my most non judgmental trusted people. Which was a cheerful yet nervous approach. About how wonderful it is but concerns about it weighing on my own mental health. It was frustrating for all the first comments to “but mental health!” Warning me advising me like I am the type of person to not think things over 100x. I know it’s human nature. But I’m like have I ever made a commitment this large to anything I hadn’t seriously ridiculously over the top thought about? I’m telling you to inform you. Not for approval. For advice.

ANYWAYS SINCE I AM NOW A LEVEL 3 COUNSELOR (20+ convos ~12 hours)

Here is most impactful thing I’ve noticed. Besides all the beautiful wonderful things I’ve learned

I now unironically use therapy jargon in my everyday speech. To the point I have to STOP myself.

Friend steps away from the phone when you’re texting? “Hey it seems as though you’ve stepped away from your phone, is now still a good time to chat”

Friend rants “it seems as though you’re feeling really frustrated. I can imagine how taxing that must be on you”

Friend asks for advise “what would your friend to do if this was their situation”

*friend blankly smacks me through the phone YOU ARE MY FRIEND*

[5wordsorless]

buffy seasons ranked by how much buffy needed therapy, least to most

TW: mental health issues, suicide, assault

Season 4: yeah there was the Parker thing and some residual Angel trauma and also the Faith thing and general interpersonal tensions and her professor tried to kill her, but for Buffy, that’s honestly not that bad. 5/10 should go to therapy for personal growth but would probably be okay without it

Season 1: some bad and traumatizing things happen like finding out her crush is a super old vampire, voluntarily going to her own death, switching schools and having to make all new friends, etc. Also presumably this was not long after her forced hospitalization. But she says “Giles I don’t wanna die” which is a good sign, doesn’t have a death wish yet. 5.5/10 should really consider therapy but things could be worse given she’s the Slayer and at least she has a good support system

Season 3: okay, shit is hitting the fan. Serious identity issues around Faith and her own identity/future as the Slayer, and she’s acting out because of it. Her father figure secretly drugs her for a bit. Trauma of killing her bf and then having him make a comeback from hell. Both her bffs and her mom are kidnapped over the course of the season. Everyone is a dick to her when she comes back from LA. Never dealt with Season 2 trauma in a productive and healthy way. 7/10 girl really needs help but somehow this still isn’t as bad as it gets for her

Season 2: clearly super traumatized from dying/fighting the Master in Season 1, and it shows in how she acts in “When She Was Bad.” Has sex for the first time with someone way older than her who immediately turns into a monster and spends the rest of the season psychologically tormenting her. Her life is in imminent danger, even more than usual, in some way for most of the season. Her mom kicks her out of the house and basically disowns her right before she has to go kill her ex and for a hot second she’s a wanted fugitive. 8.5/10 this is so messed up but she’s handling it surprisingly well

Season 7: the collective trauma of all the past seasons, especially of Season 5 and 6, has added up and it shows. She also now runs an army who kicks her out of her own house and also her dad tried to kill her new boyfriend. 9/10 she’s hella emotionally repressed and clearly Not Good but also is doing a p good job of keeping it together anyway, we love a resilient queen. But also please go to therapy and learn coping mechanisms that aren’t repression

Season 5: she suddenly has a sister! her mom is ill! she drops out of school! her bf leaves her! her mortal enemy decides he’s in love with her and kidnaps her about it! her mom dies! she’s the guardian of her little sister who didn’t even exist till a few months ago! she might have to kill her little sister!!! she’s even concerned about herself and goes on a vision quest thingy instead of seeing a mental health professional. 10/10 for the intense catatonic state she goes into near the end of the season and the end of “The Gift” which is lowkey maybe suicide

Season 6: name one moment in Season 6 where Buffy didn’t desperately need therapy I dare you (the part where she was Joan and had no memories doesn’t count). Anyway to recap: pulled out of heaven and thus incredibly depressed/borderline suicidal and at least initially, kinda feral. Broke as hell and now needs to support a household where no one seems to be paying rent AND raise a kid, as a 21 year old. Sleeps with her mortal enemy to cope. Violent and unstable sexual relationship with said mortal enemy. Almost r*ped. Almost killed. Her friend dies. Her best friends’ lives are somehow almost as messed up as her own. Her father figure abandons her again for most of the season. Works a nightmare customer service job. Her ex shows up with his hot new wife. Multiple demons mess with her perception of reality. Still hasn’t dealt with losing Joyce. 100000/10 this season was incredibly dark and Buffy wasn’t blameless in all of it but literally everything she did was pretty understandable given she had to claw her way out of her own coffin at the beginning of the season 

In conclusion Buffy deserved so much better and she really needed to see a mental health professional about her issues but literally the closest she ever got to that was some comforting conversations with Tara rip

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Tranquil's Studyblr Challenge, 20-22

Today, I am grateful for having a doctor who really listens to me.

Today, I choose to look forward to the future.

When was the last time you let yourself express yourself openly? What did you express?

This is kind of a silly one, but a few hours ago I walked to my various obligations wrapped in a blanket because it's FREEZING today. I'm very emotionally sensitive to cold, so I end up utilizing kind of strange coping mechanisms when it gets chilly out. I think the most accessible form of self-expression for me is being willing to look a little odd for the sake of comfort--like yes, I look like I'm freezing and uncomfortable because I am, thank you very much.

What about you makes you proud to be you?

I'm proud of the name I use in real life, one I chose almost exactly a year ago. I think it fits me perfectly, and I'm also proud of how assertive I've been about switching to my new name in public, to the point where people often don't even guess that the name I give them isn't my legal name, even after I tell them I'm trans. I've had the luck of moving to a new state where the people who casually knew me by my deadname are no longer present in my life, and it makes me really happy to get the chance to use the name that fills me with so much joy all the time!

What kind of mental health support do you have? How often do you utilize these resources?

I have a counselor & a psychiatrist, along with a support community of friends & family. I don't talk much with my psychiatrist, but that's fine because I like the meds I'm on right now. I get to see my counselor every week, though, which is awesome!

I haven't been great about discussing my mental health with my friends--I like to share happy things, it just feels somehow wrong in my chest to put my current stresses into words. I think there's this element of embarrassment about articulating the problems I struggle to solve, so I prefer only to share about things that either don't upset me that much or that I've already come to a resolution on. When I do share, I tend to gloss over it really quickly, never willing to admit that my problems are actually problems. With my family, I share about my physical health, but that's about it. I think it really comes down to my unwillingness to ask for help--even just venting has become more painful than the problems I would like to vent about, and what I really like is advice, but I haven't asked for that in a good while. I guess that one is a work in progress :)

My state also has a great crisis text & call line, which I've been very good about using when I need it! I would recommend that everyone have a state or local crisis text line number saved in their phones, because they can be really valuable resources, especially for those in life situations where talking out loud about their mental state is uncomfortable or unsafe.

[stopandimagineloveforever]

Robin Williams' son Zak got candid about the effect of his father's misdiagnosis and how he dealt with the trauma after the actor's death by suicide in August 2014.

Zak, a mental health advocate, sat down with host Max Lugavere on his podcast The Genius Life to discuss Williams' "frustration" and discomfort before his death. The episode was released on Wednesday on what would have been the late comedian's 70th birthday.

"What I saw was frustration," Zak said of his father's misdiagnosis with Parkinson's disease. It wasn't until years after Williams' death that it was discovered that the Mrs. Doubtfire actor had Lewy body dementia, the second-most common type of progressive dementia after Alzheimer's disease.

"What he was going through didn't match one to one [with what] many Parkinson's patients experience," he continued. "So, I think that was hard for him."

The PYM founder continued, "There was a focus issue that frustrated him, there were issues associated with how he felt and also from a neurological perspective he didn't feel great," adding, "He was very uncomfortable."

Zak also felt like the medicine did more harm to Williams than good because of the misdiagnosis. "Those drugs are no joke," he said. "They're also really hard on the mind and the body."

Lewy body dementia is a type of brain disease that affected Williams thinking, memory and movement control, which subsequently created "challenges performing his craft," his son said on the podcast.

"I couldn't help but feel beyond empathy. I couldn't help but feel frustrated for him," Zak shared. "It can be really isolating even when you're with family and loved ones."

Williams' symptoms intensified over the course of two years before his death. "It was a… I don't want to say it was a short period. It felt a lot longer than it actually was because it was a period for him of intense searching and frustration," his son said.

Zak then opened up on the podcast about the toll his father's suicide took on his own mental health.

"I was heavily drinking to manage my mental health where it created very harmful issues. For me personally, I was having health issues. I was experiencing some psychosis and when I spoke with a psychiatrist I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," he shared. "I was self-medicating through the trauma using alcohol."

The father-of-two went on to do mental health advocacy work, which got him through his own difficulties with depression. "I was just sick and tired of trying to treat myself using harmful means," Zak said. He found comfort in a 12-step program and group therapy.

"I was acutely aware of my dad's struggles with depression, it manifested in addiction at times, and he took great lengths to support his well-being and mental health, especially when he was challenged," Zak said during an episode of The Dr. Oz Show in November.  "It was something that was a daily consideration for him."

Zak also spoke to PEOPLE in May 2020 about helping others access mental health care amid the coronavirus pandemic.

"One thing I found very healing for me through my experience has been service and commitment to service work specifically around mental health and mental health support organizations. Eating well, committing to a healthy lifestyle. Things that I need in my weekly and daily regimen to better support my well-being."

The advocate later shared with PEOPLE in October that through his mental health journey, "I've learned I'm not broken. Despite experiencing traumatic events, I can recover. And I am now on a path of healing and being the person I always wanted to be."

If you or someone you know need mental health help, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

[napoleoninrags]

From The Atlantic:

There has never been an American president as spiritually impoverished as Donald Trump. And his spiritual poverty, like an overdrawn checking account that keeps imposing new penalties on a customer already in difficult straits, is draining the last reserves of decency among us at a time when we need it most.

I do not mean that Trump is the least religious among our presidents, though I have no doubt that he is; as the scholar Stephen Knott pointed out, Trump has shown “a complete lack of religious sensibility” unique among American presidents. (Just recently he wished Americans a “Happy Good Friday,” which suggests that he is unaware of the meaning of that day.) Nor do I mean that Trump is the least-moral president we’ve ever had, although again, I am certain that he is. John F. Kennedy was, in theory, a practicing Catholic, but he swam in a pool of barely concealed adultery in the White House. Richard Nixon was a Quaker, but one who attempted to subvert the Constitution. Andrew Johnson showed up pig-drunk to his inauguration. Trump’s manifest and immense moral failures—and the shameless pride he takes in them—make these men seem like amateurs by comparison.

And finally, I do not mean that Trump is the most unstable person ever to occupy the Oval Office, although he is almost certain to win that honor as well. As Peter Wehner has eloquently put it, Trump has an utterly disordered personality. Psychiatrists can’t help but diagnose Trump, even if it’s in defiance of the old Goldwater Rule against such practices. I know mental-health professionals who agree with George Conway and others that Trump is a malignant narcissist.

What I mean instead is that Trump is a spiritual black hole. He has no ability to transcend himself by so much as an emotional nanometer. Even narcissists, we are told by psychologists, have the occasional dark night of the soul. They can recognize how they are perceived by others, and they will at least pretend to seek forgiveness and show contrition as a way of gaining the affection they need. They are capable of infrequent moments of reflection, even if only to adjust strategies for survival.

Trump’s spiritual poverty is beyond all this. He represents the ultimate triumph of a materialist mindset. He has no ability to understand anything that is not an immediate tactile or visual experience, no sense of continuity with other human beings, and no imperatives more important than soothing the barrage of signals emanating from his constantly panicked and confused autonomic system.

The humorist Alexandra Petri once likened Trump to a goldfish, a purely reactive animal lost in a “pastless, futureless, contextless void.” This is an apt comparison, with one major flaw: Goldfish are not malevolent, and do not corrode the will and decency of those who gaze on them.

In his daily coronavirus briefings, Trump lumbers to the podium and pulls us into his world: detached from reality, unable to feel any emotions but anger and paranoia. Each time we watch, Trump’s spiritual poverty increases our own, because for the duration of these performances, we are forced to live in the same agitated, immediate state that envelops him. (This also happens during Trump’s soul-destroying rallies, but at least those are directed toward his fans, not an entire nation in peril.)

Most leaders would at least have the sense not to relitigate every vendetta in their personal Burn Book at such moments. That’s what rallies and sycophantic interviews with Fox News are for, after all. Indeed, polls now suggest that even the president’s base might be tiring of this exhibitionism. But that is irrelevant to Trump. With cable news constantly covering the pandemic, he seems to be going through withdrawal. He needs an outlet for his political glossolalia, or his constantly replenishing reservoir of grievance and insecurity will burst its seams.

Even Trump’s staff—itself a collection of morally compromised enablers—cannot cajole him or train him to sound like a normal human being. Trump begins every one of these disastrous briefings by hypnotically reading high-minded phrases to which he shows no connection. These texts are exercises in futility, but they at least show some sense of what a typical person with friends and a family might want to sound like during a national crisis. Once he finishes stumbling through these robotic recitations, he’s back to his grievances.

Each of these presidential therapy sessions corrodes us until the moment when the president finally shambles away in a fog of muttered slogans and paranoid sentence fragments. In a time of crisis, we should be finding what is best in ourselves. Trump, instead, invites us to join a daily ritual, to hear lines from a scared and mean little boy’s heroic play-acting about how he bravely defeated the enemies and scapegoats who told him to do things that would hurt us. He insists that he has never been wrong and that he isn’t responsible for anything ever.

Daily, Trump’s opponents are enraged by yet another assault on the truth and basic human decency. His followers are delighted by yet more vulgar attacks on the media and the Democrats. And all of us, angry or pleased, become more like Trump, because just like the president, we end up thinking about only Trump, instead of our families, our fellow citizens, our health-care workers, or the future of our country. We are all forced to take sides every day, and those two sides are always “Trump” and “everyone else.”

Perhaps to call this daily abomination “therapy” is unfair, because therapy has a healing goal. As Jennifer Melfi, the psychotherapist for HBO’s fictional mob boss Tony Soprano, realized at the end of the series, when she finally threw him out of her office, counseling someone incapable of reflection or remorse is pointless; it makes the counselor into a worse person for enduring such long exposure to the patient.

Likewise, Trump’s spiritual poverty is making all of us into worse people. We are all living with him in the moment and neglecting the thing that makes us human beings instead of mindless fish swimming in circles. We must recover this in ourselves, and become more decent, more reflective, and more stoic—before Trump sends us into a hole from which we might never emerge. — Tom Nichols, Contributing Writer, The Atlantic, April 11, 2020

[jordanmerlino]

It’s National Suicide Prevention Week everyone! I wanted to take some time and list off some great resources for those who are in crisis. I am tagging organizations for people to navigate from my profile to theirs.

For LGBTQ+ youth, @trevorprojectawareness-blog is amazing. They now have a text line which is fantastic, and of course they have online chat and a hotline. Trevor Project is also rich in resources for LGBTQ+ youth.

@crisistextline is a great resource for anyone who is experiencing a crisis. They are quick with response time, and their counselors suggest great breathing exercises. This is perfect for anyone who is uncomfortable to physically talk to someone on the phone/prefers to text.

NAMI is an awesome resource for depression. They are progressive on making it okay to talk openly about suicide, and to assure people that no one is alone. They also have a helpline and a text line available.

The Jason Foundation is another great resource for youth experiencing ideations. The organization honors Clark Flatt’s son Jason, who tragically took his life at 16. The organization is rich in resources, outreach and programs for teens in crisis.

@twloha is a fantastic organization for suicide prevention, self-harm and addiction recovery. 100% of their merchandise goes to research, resources and counseling scholarships. Twloha also has a text line and a great list of resources.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is always available 24/7. Their hotline is 1-800-273-TALK. NSPL also has great resources available to anyone and everyone.

Lastly, remember that you are not alone. You are beautiful, loved and needed. You are worth living.

[asking-jude]

i think im aromantic. i feel sexual attraction but not romantic attraction. my friends were describing their relationships & i felt absolutely no desire to experience that. whenever people touch me for try to have a romantic interaction with me i get incredibly uncomfortable & thought nothing of it until now. i wouldn’t mind dating someone as showing each other affection doesn’t bother me but i feel so broken. i want to be normal so bad & i feel awful identifying as a pansexual aro. i don’t think i can be more than one thing but i know i can & it’s just so confusing.

Hi love, 

There’s a lot to unpack here. Don’t fret. I am here to help. I want to first say that sexuality is very complex, and it’s always changing.  It’s completely normal to feel sexual attraction to certain genders and have a different romantic orientation. Remember, normal does not mean “heterosexual.”  It’s entirely okay for you to identify as an aromantic pansexual. A lot of people use romantic orientations in their identity, and a lot of people don’t. Your identity is your own no matter what. If you feel comfortable identifying as aromantic and pansexual, then that is completely fine. If you decide to change your sexuality or romantic identity, then that is perfectly normal. It’s okay to feel confused or lost.

Here are some articles on romantic orientation: 

https://ravishly.com/2016/12/28/different-types-romantic-orientations-which-one-are-you

https://medium.com/sexedplus/what-the-love-is-a-romantic-orientation-6796943f8d90

https://www.insider.com/what-is-aromantic-2018-7#aromantic-people-arent-confused-stunted-or-mentally-ill-in-any-way-6 

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-does-it-mean-to-be-aromantic_n_5bb501cee4b01470d04de20d

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/what-is-aromantic-and-what-does-it-mean-for-relationships/

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/10/aromantic-romance-relationship/

Here are some guides on sexual orientation: 

https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/07/cross-orientation-101/

https://www.healthline.com/health/different-types-of-sexuality#a-c

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/standard-deviations/201605/sexuality-is-much-more-fluid-you-think

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/can-sexuality-change-what-sexual-fluidity-is-and-is-not-0624187

https://evolvetreatment.com/blog/lgbtq-identity-labels/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/why-you-shouldnt-feel-pressure-to-label-your-sexuality

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Coming-Out-Handbook.pdf

https://thequeerness.com/2016/02/01/things-to-keep-in-mind-if-youre-questioning-your-sexuality-andor-gender/

In addition to the resources above, I think it would be helpful to utilize helplines for support as you discover your romantic and sexual orientation. Hotlines are free, confidential, and available 24/7. Here are my recommendations:

Crisis Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741 to speak with a counselor.

7 Cups of Tea: Visit www.7cups.com or download their (IOS or Google Play) to create an account. Once you have, you can chat with one of their listeners and/or attend group sessions. They have specific group sessions and listeners for LGBT+ issues. 

Trevor Project offers a helpline for the LGBT community who may be having a crisis or need someone to talk to. They offer four different ways to speak to their support line staff. Visit https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now/. 

TrevorSpace is a peer-run support chat founded by the Trevor Project. You will have the ability to post questions or thoughts to the community and receive support from people who may have gone through something similar to you. Visit https://www.trevorspace.org/ to get started. 

Remember that it is okay to feel lost and confused right now. You are not broken, even if you feel that way. You are finding out who you are, and I’m so proud of you for exploring identities that you feel you may fit. You don’t have to label yourself unless you want to and comfortable doing so. You don’t have to call yourself aromantic or aromantic pansexual if you are not ready to do so. You can just say that you’re questioning your sexual and romantic identity. Do what you feel is comfortable for you. Take this one day at a time. You will be okay. If you need any more support, please don’t hesitate to come back to Asking Jude. 

Love,

Meggan 

Asking Jude has moved to its OWN platform at askingjude.org. We will still be answering submissions on Asking Jude, but the new website’s submissions will take priority. We highly recommend you create an account on Asking Jude’s website, so you can receive 24/7 support from the Asking Jude Team and our community members. 

[b-p-d-g-h-o-s-t]

I am again gonna vent about how much I hate the mental health system

As a teenager I was forced to go to counseling and not explained why and I was forced on medication when I dint want it all while being abused

I couldn't open up about the abuse because I didn't want to get taken away from my home

As a young adult when going again I was naive and stupid and decided to give counseling a chance,I was placed with a student and I genuinely did like her but at the time my dad was dying and I didn't know how to verbally communicate well,eventually I went into crisis and tried reaching her she said she'd see me then I got a call saying it wasn't possible,I had to wait days despite my crisis,when I went to see her she acted normal and then halfway through the session said she was no longer gonna see me,I broke down and felt defenseless,she told me to wait and called the woman who would be seeing me,she coldly came in the room and saw me crying,she said she didn't have time for it and they left the room and called back up,they then forced me to be hospitalize,no one believed me but one guy who worked there,turns out they lied to protect themselves and she claimed she got scared of me and that I was aggressive,I was so heavily depressed after that and still stupidly saw the other counselor who very rudely kicked me out of the agency and took me out of individual counseling without me knowing,till this day I am not allowed there.

My second experience was with the help of a friend who always had the habit of leaving me and there no longer in my life,I was so uncomfortable with being alone that I asked my friend to come to sessions with me,but turns out my counselor ended up liking my friend more and I noticed,and I asked him to contact my first counselor because I missed her,he did and i found out the truth then,my pain ruined our relationship and when he left me i tried to od and when i told him he said really your trying to get hospitalize,I told the agency but I was ghosted and till this day he had a job at the same agency which I found out when I had a case manager that they also didn't like me and held the past against me,I was trying to get services with them again after a few years and it blew up in my face,I lost my best friend and counselor after that,my friend upped and left again.

After that down the line after a hospitalization I was referred to an agency that was the same race as me,I was judged and discriminated against in the interview,they said I needed to go back to the hospital and dint know if they could help me or not,I was placed with a much older counselor but I don't think she was that experienced,during the time I saw her my mother's health worsened, I feel like she was just bs me and I saw her for almost a year,I did my thing again because I just wanted to feel like someone gave a dam,she got mad at my text and made it seemed like I cursed at her,to my surprise my sessions stopped,straight up abandoned and the agency got tired of me messaging so they sent me a message saying that they value there clients and therapist and that they would no longer offer me service,I regret nothing I said to them because at that point I had bad experiences under my belt and alot of emotional pain because I know that I was wronged because of them I went into crisis and back to the hospital and that's when I really got fucked because for the first time ever,a person who worked there got very close to me and convinced me to do ect

That's another story

After that

I got a case manager again,I had a few in the past who did nothing for me and this once was really friendly,she promised that she really cared and wanted to help repeatedly and knew and understood my history and explained this to the new agency, they said they would try to help and give me specific special counseling,I guess with my problems I got to attached,she was my only and favorite person,it got to be to much so she distanced herself and it hurt me so badly and I lashed our and she left me over text,I contacted my new counselor and informed her,when she saw me she explained it was my bpd and that she wouldn't be seeing me anymore,another blow but I handled it well because she al least gave me an explanation,it was all work related.after that I saw another counselor and we never made a connection and I wasn't benefiting from it,she texted me trying to schedule and stated she had other clients out of the blue and we ended right there.

I was trying to handle it differently than the past but I was disappointed again

I also forgot to mention that the social worker I had wasn't so good either,she thought I had demons and told me her boss thought so as well,she also would give me gifts,gave me and my family some foods and gave me a bible,she was bipolar and claimed that reading the bible changed her life.

😭💔

What sucks is that most people are only interested in hearing about positive experiences and I feel like if I was privileged or had money or had popularity people would at least know about my story

But there are barely any safe places for me to vent about my experiences and most people simply do not give a single fck

I will never have justice

They get away with it because they have power and I'm just a so called you know damaged individual

These things happened to me

I was hurt

And I was wronged by people who get advertised as saints and angels and I feel helpless because whose gonna believe me

Certainly none of the hospitals or agencies that have ruined my rep for there own benefit

I can't even believe the fuckery that my life is and I'm pretty certain that there are people out there who adore the system and want people like me to not say anything

[anxietysroomsupport]

(1)Hi I've struggled with anxiety and depression before as well as self harm. Things have just been getting worse and worse for me lately bc I don't get along with my classmates and there aren't any possibilities for me to socialize outside of school and of the few friends I do have: one moved away a few years ago and we arent that close anymore, one left my school last year and we still talk but I haven't seen her in a while and I always feel like I'm 2nd best when it comes to her new friends

(2)and as for my last friend, she still goes to the same school as me but she's mildly homophobic so she makes a lot of comments and wouldn't be allowed to be friends with me anymore if I ever came out at school as biromantic ace. My only close friend is my sister but she's moving away at the end of the year. I'm worried about living alone with my parents bc they only get along well with each other and with me sometimes (and they refuse to acknowledge me as being anything other than straight).

(3)I have to be with them for at least 2 more years. I've asked them multiple times to botb get divorced and take me to therapy but they refuse. To make things worse, we're even more tight on money than usual so my mom has been pressuring me more than usual to get better grades (even though I have all A's but they still aren't good enough) so that I can try to apply for scholarships. I feel guilty, lonely, and sad all the time lately. I tried talking to my mom but she makes herself the victim or

(4)implies that my problems are my own fault for not trying hard enough. I've been suicidal before and I'm terrified of falling into that mental state again. I've recently been getting a lot of urges to self harm and tho I haven't done anything nor do I plan to, the feelings won't go away. I want to tell someone about this but I can't tell my parents bc they'll get upset with me and each other. I can't tell my sister bc she'll say I need to tell my parents. I can't talk to the school counselor

(5)bc she's friends with my mom(she works at the school I'm in)and knowing the counselor, she'll tell my mother(along with other people in the school)everything, so I don't know what else to do. On top of all that, I have a slight crush on a guy who's new in my class but who I'm not friends with. I'm scared he'll judge me bc of how hard my mother is on her classes (many people do) and bc if we ever get to know each other, he'll see what a mess I actually am (im really sorry this is 5 parts)~🎱

Hiya anon, that's an awful lot to be going through and I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I think trying to make new friends is always hard, but also very worth it because you never know when someone is going to end up being great and someone you’re close to. To help deal with the self harm/suicidal urges there’s things like calm harm, both phone and text based suicide/crisis lines (who don’t mind if you call just because you’re stressed), and a ton of others. I’ll link some here. I know two years seems like a long time to get through, but it’ll go by faster than you think. If your home life is rough it can also be helpful to be involved in more activities, which your mom should approve of because most colleges want you to have activities now. Whether that’s clubs or sports or volunteer work, it’ll give them time to get out of the house and help with college applications. If you just need to get out of the house, you can also try studying in a quiet place like a library.

We wish you all the best anon xxx

Love~ Kai, Clover

[planets-and-prose]

Self Care Tips!

So there’s a trend of like. So many of the new writers I’m following (and the writers I already follow) are mentioning that they have anxiety/depression/are in some other way neurodivergent. So! Here is a thing that I’m compiling as an ADHD/Anxiety-having/Depression-having/PTSD-having college student, of things that have worked for ME.

*Of course you are not me! These things may not work for you, but hopefully they give you ideas or help a little. <3*

Also these ideas are absolutely NOT a substitute for seeing a therapist. If you are able that should be a first line of defense! Many colleges have free or low cost mental health services, high schools have counselors that can often direct you to mental health services, and if neither of those apply I am happy to attempt to direct you to resources and do some research for you!

A 24/7 crisis text line can be found here: https://www.crisistextline.org/ if you are too anxious to call someone.

Let’s start out with a few affirmations!

You are amazing.

Yes. YOU.

Even if you are not doing what you think your best is right now, you are doing amazingly!

You have accomplished something today. I don’t care even if it’s just getting out of bed or waking up. That stuff is HARD. Every time you get out of bed and face your mental illness, you are accomplishing something. And that is pretty amazing!

This is not eternal. Things will get better. Yes, they might suck right now, but things are not going to be this bad forever!

You are not a burden. Text a friend, a loved one, or me if you feel lost! I can definitely do my best to help.

You are loved! It might not feel that way but someone on this earth cares about you. I promise.

Strategies for when you know things are gonna get rough

(this can include life things, like exam season, visiting unsupportive family, the anniversary of a death, etc. It can also include things like hormones! I am an AFAB person who gets periods, so there are certain weeks that I know my mental health is gonna be very hecked up.)

First we’re gonna figure out ways to attend to your basic heckin needs.

WATER. Keep some sort of fluid by your bed (water, juice, an electrolyte thing like powerade. Something low in sugar is good but literally anything works. If it hydrates you it’s fine)

FOOD.

If you have the energy to prep some meals, do that thing! (Trust me, grabbing a Tupperware out of the fridge is so much easier and less overwhelming than making a Meal)

Some of my personal versatile college-kid favorites are overnight oats, fried rice, quesadillas, pasta of any kind, etc.

I am vegetarian and am able to make all of the above vegan as well, so ask if you’re curious!

If you have the energy to go to the store, pick up some things that require very little preparation that you can munch on.

Ten’s favorites include Goldfish, fruit snacks, granola bars, cheese sticks, rolls, etc

If neither of these apply, take some time to identify a few things you can eat in a pinch!

Don’t worry about “Cohesive Meals”.  If you can grab some deli meat/cheese/carrots/crackers/anything of the sort, then that’s food.

SELF

Make a list of five things that make you happy/relaxed/feel Marginally Less Bad, and find ways to make a few of those happen.

Ex. Reach out to a friend and say you’re having a hard time, gather supplies for a craft you like, gather some writing ideas, make a happy playlist, etc!

Make a time during the bad times that you are going to attend to One Activity That Is Relaxing.

For me, Sundays at 7ish is nail art time. I take that time to do my nails, which is a comfort activity for me. I don’t schedule things then, because that is My Time. My Time is a priority then. But it doesn’t even have to take a couple hours, just like “for 30 minutes here I will sketch” or something like that will work!

OTHER

Set reminders to do things like take meds/drink water/take a walk/etc!

Build as much of a support system as you can beforehand basically! Set yourself up for success in as many little ways as you can.

OK, It Is The Bad Time.

OK, time for some more affirmations.

This is a bad TIME, not bad forever. Even if this hit you suddenly it WILL get better!

You can do this!

You are not alone! You are not a burden! Reach out if you can!

You’ve got this!

Now we’re gonna go back to the other things we talked about before!

BASIC THINGS: Things are rough! You are not going to be able to do everything you are doing at your best. If you broke your leg you wouldn’t be trying to walk to work/school/around the house the same way you normally would. You’d accommodate. Do the same thing with your mental health.

Make a list of small things that you feel like you might be able to do. If things are feeling too overwhelming, think even smaller!

Suggestions: Shower, brush teeth, take a short walk, get out of bed and walk around the room, put one dish in the sink, get a drink of water, stretch (even just in bed), text a friend, change into another pair of pajamas

Celebrate when you do these things! Maybe even write down each one you accomplish.

If you are in school, reach out to professors if you can. Many of them will understand and be VERY accommodating.

Reach out to a friend if you can! Good friends will be willing to help, even in little ways!

Something is always better than nothing. This is gonna be a theme but doing one thing, ANY thing, is an accomplishment!

WATER: Keep a glass of water/water bottle by your bed, or any other liquid. Don’t beat yourself up if you can only drink a little. Something is better than nothing. Every sip is one sip more than you probably wanted to take. Every sip is one more sip of hydration.

FOOD: This is one of the hardest ones for me because I have disordered eating habits. For me it’s an accomplishment if I don’t eat, so this is always the first thing that I neglect. So!

Again, think of easy things!

ANYTHING you eat is better than nothing. I don’t care if your breakfast was a handful of Goldfish. I don’t care if you skipped lunch and had a Pop Tart for dinner. You Ate Something and that is more than your mental health wanted you to. ANYTHING you eat is better than eating nothing. Your body will thank you, I promise.

Try to eat at least something at designated meal times. Again, literally anything. Sometimes you’ll find that food doesn’t feel good and that’s okay! But sometimes you’ll find that food is helping you feel better, and that can make a WORLD of difference.

SELF: This one can be tricky. Depression and anxiety can make doing things you love really, really hard and that sucks a LOT! So here’s a few little strategies that hopefully will help!

Think of nostalgic, comforting things. I have comfort songs, Youtube channels, etc that I go back to when I’m not feeling well. Keep that on lock!

Don’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to! If your happy thing isn’t appealing, don’t force it!

Try a couple different things! For me, when I was in my roughest patch of the year, I didn’t want to knit, write, read, do any of my comfort things. It was awful. But for some weird reason, drawing helped break through the depression a little. I am not an artist and usually stress a LOT when drawing, but for some strange reason, it was what I needed. Happiness lives in weird places.

A few closing things!

When you find something that works, NOTE IT. It can be a part of your toolbox for bad mental health times.

Seriously, there’s a lot of places where initial therapy consultations are low cost or free. Those can be a WORLD of help.

Reach out! I know I keep repeating it but it can make a world of difference!

You can get through this!

I know you can!

You’re braver than you think you are, you’re stronger than you can ever know! You might not feel like it, but you can do this!

Reach out to me if you need anything. I can hopefully direct you somewhere to help you. <3

[gaelforceplayroom]

Hi PR Penguin I've been going through a pretty rough depression. I think things are getting better, but I'm still struggling w/ the feeling that I'm not liked; that ppl find me annoying & put up with me, but would rather I just go away. I'm just being myself & trying so hard ... maybe too hard ... to be liked & accepted, so it hurts. Sorry to bother u, I was just wondering if you had any thoughts to share. Thx for helping so many ppl who message u.

Hey lovely,

That’s depressions job to make you question your worth.

One thing I will say - the only opinion that should matter to you above all is your own.  Other people are great, but the first person who you want to have acceptance with is yourself.

It doesn’t mean you have to be perfect.  But even amidst all the things we can say about ourselves, we also know our beautiful sides and our strengths.

Look at yourself like a friend.  Speak to yourself like you would a friend.  If you wouldn’t let someone talk about your friend like that, don’t let your mind talk about you in a way that is beneath you.

We all want acceptance.  We all want to be liked.  But please try not to make that the cornerstone of your existence.

We don’t know what is going on in the lives of the people around us.  

Everyone is carrying their own pain, their own struggles and they may not handle you with the care you need especially when you have the additional battle of fighting depression.

I am a big fan of only worrying about what I can control.

I’ve had people make an assumption about me and create reasons to dislike me that are 100000% untrue.  But I can’t control them.  I can only control me.

You can only control you.

Treat yourself with kindness.  Kick yourself in the butt when you need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.

Listen to peaceful or happy music when you’re feeling down (don’t wallow in sad music.  That’s just gonna sink you deeper and make things suck more.)

I have a long family history of depression and I know I have it as well.  And some days I can follow my own advice, and some days I have to ask for help.

You’re allowed to ask for help - but don’t make it a crutch.  You’re strong in your own right.  You have the ability to self comfort and the intelligence to learn what will comfort you when all the people around you are at a loss.

Me personally, when I am rocking that depression I watch adorable videos, silly animals or I watch things about kindness.  I shove as many positive images and sounds into my headholes as I can so I can flush out whatever yuckiness is trying to hang out in there.

Depression sucks.  And if the people around you make you feel bad, it’s not always the true, but your perception.  Or maybe the people around you have their own stuff going on and aren’t ABLE to be the rock you need at the time.

Be compassionate to them as well.  Reach out and help someone else.  It’ll take the focus off of you and knock the legs out of your depression for a bit.

And if you’re ever in a very bad headspace - Call a hotline.

There is NO shame in it and you know you’re going to get good advice from someone who actually knows what they are talking about.

I love you and know you are worth talking to.  Cuz look I just did :)  So hey that’s one person in your corner!

I’ll paste a list of hotlines to call should you ever need them.

I hope my wall of text somehow helped.  

Have a beautiful Christmas, Anon ♥

——————————————————

For many people, depression is an extremely lonely experience. Calling a hotline gives you the opportunity to talk to a caring person who can help you work through whatever negative thoughts or feelings you have.

If this is an emergency and you need immediate assistance, please call 911.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, (800) 273‑TALK (8255), Live Online Chat: This 24-hour suicide prevention helpline specializes in handling all situations related to suicide and emotional distress.

Disaster Distress Helpline, 1-800-985-5990: If you are experiencing depression, anxiety, or stress as the result of a disaster, call this number to speak to someone.

National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-422-4453: Depression often exists in situations where child abuse is present, and this 24/7 national hotline exists to prevent child abuse. You can reach professional crisis counselors at any time in more than 170 languages, using an interpreter.

Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), 1-800-656-4673: This free, confidential, and national sexual assault hotline is operated 24/7 by RAINN, which partners with local sexual assault service providers all over the U.S.

The Trevor Project, (866) 488-7386: A 24-hour depression hotline for suicidal LGBTQ youth.

Veterans Crisis Line, 1-800-273-8255, Text a message to 838255: Many vets struggle with depression and other debilitating mental health issues. Veterans and their families can call, text, or chat online 24/7 for support.

Crisis Text Line, Text DBSA to 741741: This 24/7 crisis text line for anyone in crisis connects you with a trained counselor via text.

National Hopeline Network, 1-800-442-4673: This 24-hour depression hotline is for people who are depressed and thinking about suicide. When you call, you will be connected with a crisis hotline volunteer.

[bountyofbeads]

The brand label that stokes Trump’s fury: ‘Racist, racist, racist.’

https://wapo.st/2P6GXHl

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, is yellow like a duck, it's most definitely a duck. Trump is playing a dangerous game with white supremacists that is endangering the lives of American citizens. HE MUST BE CALLED OUT AND HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS WORDS AND ACTIONS.

The brand label that stokes Trump’s fury: ‘Racist, racist, racist.’

By Philip Rucker and Ashley Parker |

Published August 11 at 11:18 AM ET |

Washington Post | Posted August 11, 2019 1:30 PM ET |

President Trump considers himself a branding wizard, but he is vexed by a branding crisis of his own: how to shed the label of “racist.”

As the campaign takes shape about 15 months before voters render a verdict on his presidency, Trump’s Democratic challengers are marking him a racist, and a few have gone so far as to designate the president a white supremacist.

Throughout his career as a real estate magnate, a celebrity provocateur and a politician, Trump has recoiled from being called the r-word, even though some of his actions and words have been plainly racist.

Following a month in which he leveled racist attacks on four congresswomen of color, maligned majority-black Baltimore as a “rat and rodent infested mess” and saw his anti-immigrant rhetoric parroted in an alleged mass shooter’s statement, the risk for Trump is that the pejorative that has long dogged him becomes defining.

Being called a racist has infuriated Trump, gnawing at him in recent days as he lashes out — in tweets and in public comments — over the moniker, behavior his advisers and allies excuse as the natural reaction of anyone who does not consider himself a racist but is accused of being one.

“For them to throw out the race word again — racist, racist, racist,” Trump told reporters Friday as he departed the White House for a week-long vacation at his private golf club in Bedminster, N.J. “They call anybody a racist when they run out of cards.”

The president views the characterization largely through the lens of politics, said one close adviser, explaining that Trump feels the charges of racism are just another attempt to discredit him — not unlike, he believes, the more than a dozen women who have accused him of sexual misconduct or the Russia investigation.

Many of his supporters see it the same way. “At first, they tried to use Russia, and that didn’t work,” said Don Byrd of Newton, Iowa. “Now it’s all about race — ‘He’s a racist. He’s this. He’s that.’ ”

Democrats have engaged in semantic maneuverings about just how racist they think the president is. While former congressman Beto O’Rourke and Sen. Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts said without hesitation that the president is a white supremacist, former vice president Joe Biden stopped short.

“Why are you so hooked on that?” Biden told reporters last week in Iowa. “You just want me to say the words so I sound like everybody else. I’m not everybody else. I’m Joe Biden. . . . He is encouraging white supremacists. You can determine what that means.”

Trump’s allies argue Democrats risk overreach in maligning the president.

“Democrats seem to forget that Trump supporters include blacks, whites, Hispanics and other minority groups who simply love this country,” said Mercedes Schlapp, a Trump campaign adviser, in a text message. “Democrats have shown their absolute disdain for the president and now they have extended their disdain to half of America.”

Some Democrats seem cognizant of the danger. At last month’s presidential debate, Sen. Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota said, “There are people that voted for Donald Trump before that aren’t racist; they just wanted a better shake in the economy.”

Yet, she, too, also felt the need to rebuke Trump. “I don’t think anyone can justify what this president is doing,” Klobuchar concluded.

Trump recently called himself “the least racist person anywhere in the world,” but his history is littered with racist and racially charged comments and actions.

In 1989, Trump purchased newspaper advertisements demanding the death penalty for the “Central Park Five,” black and Latino teenagers wrongly accused of raping a jogger in New York. In 2005, he pitched a culturally divisive spinoff of his popular reality television series: “The Apprentice: White People vs. Black People.”

Trump then rose to political prominence partially by championing the racist birtherism lie that former president Barack Obama was born outside of the United States. As a presidential candidate, Trump attacked a judge overseeing a Trump University case for his Mexican heritage. And once in the White House, Trump equivocated in the aftermath of a deadly white supremacist rally in 2017 in Charlottesville, saying there were “very fine people on both sides.”

Last month, Trump tweeted that four minority congresswomen known as the Squad should “go back” to the “totally broken and crime infested places from which they came,” even though three of the four lawmakers were born in the United States. He later did not stop his supporters from chanting “Send her back!” at a campaign rally where he evoked the name of one of the four, Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.). The Somali-born refuge became a U.S. citizen in 2000.

Trump’s rhetoric came under fresh examination last week after the alleged gunman who killed at least 22 people in El Paso echoed in what is believed to be his missive Trump’s language about an “invasion” of Hispanic migrants.

People who know Trump have come to his defense. Kellyanne Conway, counselor to the president, said that, in her three years at his side, she has “never, ever, a single time heard this president say or do anything” racist. She described his reaction to being labeled a racist as “less frustration and more consternation that critics, especially those who would like to be president, resort to spewing invectives or hurling insults at the current president, instead of just arguing on the issues.”

Trump’s sensitivity about the racist sobriquet dates back decades. The Rev. Al Sharpton, a civil rights activist who has known Trump and tangled with him for many years, said the president has long understood that being called “the r-word” would damage his casino and hotel businesses and, now, his political standing.

“At one level, you’re super sensitive about the r-word, and on another level, you buy ads on the Central Park Five,” Sharpton said.

Sharpton recalled that, at the height of the birtherism debate, Trump sought to persuade him to stop calling him out for his lies about Obama’s birthplace on his MSNBC show by inviting him to a meeting at Trump Tower.

“I’m not a racist,” Sharpton recalled Trump adamantly insisting.

The two men argued and Sharpton responded, “I’m not calling you a racist, but what you are doing is racist.”

Sharpton continued to attack Trump on air.

Some people who have worked for Trump say the president is less concerned about the moral significance of being called a racist but focuses instead on the bottom-line implications.

“The guy sends out blatantly racist tweets,” former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci said. “White supremacist. Racist. Those labels are bad for business. . . . It means a reduction in the colors of people who want to vote for you. He’s upset about it because it’s bad for business.”

To the extent that one’s understanding of what is and isn’t racist is forged in his youth, Trump’s upbringing may be instructive. One former adviser suggested Trump believes he is more racially tolerant than his father, Fred Trump, who was reported to have been arrested in connection with a 1927 Ku Klux Klan march in New York — an arrest the president has denied as “nonsense” and “never happened.”

[In 1927, Donald Trump’s father was arrested after a Klan riot in Queens]

In the 1970s, Fred and Donald Trump both were sued by the Justice Department for discriminating against black renters in their residential properties.

Conway argued the charges of racism against Trump are over-the-top and that they are likely to help him politically because his voters could think Democratic candidates are unfairly branding them as racists, too, simply for supporting the president.

“When the elite wrist-flickers are out there demeaning and ridiculing his rank-and-file supporters — those forgotten men and women who aren’t chanting at the rallies — an insult to him is an insult to them and vice versa,” Conway said.

One such Trump supporter, Laura Capps, 39, had driven last week from Boone, Iowa, to attend the first full day of the state fair. Capps said she was exasperated when Democrats blamed Trump for mass shootings — “there were shootings under Obama, under every president” — and said they obsessed over Trump’s tweets and statements because they had nothing else to attack.

“I’ve been called a racist because I’m a Trump supporter,” Capps said. “It’s ridiculous. I’ve got a first cousin that’s married to an African American gal. So their kids are biracial, and I love them just like the rest of my second cousins.”

Holly Bailey and Dave Weigel in Des Moines

[fracturedbeautyisrestored]

My Story of Discovery

Growing up, i was always pushed to conform to my surroundings-whether it be by going to church and listening to the same five stories, being a shy little wallflower, or not standing up to a bully because 'violence is not the answer'. My mom, brother, and grandma drilled it into my head that being different is a bad thing, so much that I developed anxiety for being different. They told me that 'being a good little christian girl' is what all guys want, that I was going to hell for listening to 'that satanic music'. I feel like all the stress, all the pressure they put on me to be perfect and like my brother, finally got to me when I was in eighth grade. In eighth grade, I began harming myself, little cuts at first, to engravings of words I've been called-either by myself or some idiots i thought were worth my time. It escalated after my mom found out and had me try out counselling. Counselling which did not work, it actually made it worse. To the point where within a few weeks, i was contemplating on taking my own life, already writing the notes to leave behind. My family didn't really understand why i was harming myself. Why i decided to take a blade to my skin. My brother told me I was going to Hell for harming myself and 'damaging god's temple'-what a lovely Christian Missionary, i know. My mom, she tried to play victim, acting like it was my fault that i was causing her pain by harming myself. My dad, he was actually really supportive through it all. He offered to take me to the doctor to get pills to help. That was the one and only time I've ever seen my dad cry, because i was in so much pain, that i was harming myself and thinking of taking my life. My late cousin, he was the first family member i told, the only one i meant to know about it, He helped me, let me rant, spent time with me even more. My other immediate family didn't know until a few months or even a year later. They just knew i was going to the counselor for something for only three weeks before i stopped it. Then, I discovered ddlg and the kink spectrum. Even though i was underage at the time (I had no clue that underage was a no-no), i had a few daddies who kinda helped me through my demons. But they were fake, all excluding my first one, who was a genuine. I mainly only had music and books to keep me grounded, as well of my best friend. But that's it. I drifted away from my friends somewhere along the way, just outgrew them. i was content with it that way though, as i found out early on that friends just stab you in the back eventually. It wasn't until late September 2017 that i met my saving grace. My boyfriend. I felt like he was sent to me to help me cope and make me stronger, as my only pillar-my cousin- died just a month before from a drug overdose. Even though I don't believe in God anymore as Christianity was shoved on me at a young age, i felt like something sensed i needed someone because of the previously state reason. And i've been happy with my boyfriend ever since.

Now, do i regret my past? No, no I don't. I feel it's helped me grown. And do i relapse at times? Of course. There is no recovery if there aren't a few relapses. My boyfriend helps me though, even going as far to drive half an hour to get me out of my house so I didn't relapse even more than I did, even ignoring my parents who were yelling at me for leaving the house at one in the morning-though they eventually understood it wasn't because i was mad, but because i didn't want to relapse.

As i was saying, i don't regret a thing I did, because it made me who i am today, my struggles made me.

If anyone is going through self-harm or dark thoughts, reach out. Whether it be to me, a friend, a family member, a teacher. You're not alone, I promise you.

You are worthy of help, you are worthy to grow old, you are worthy to the gift of life. Don't ever think that you're a burden on someone, and they act like you are, i want you to drop them like the rotten bag of potatoes they are.

You deserve help.

It's okay not to be okay.

Taylor

Websites to help:

[https://www.hftd.org/]

[https://twloha.com/]

[https://www.7cups.com/]

Lifelines or text lines:

Argentina: +5402234930430

Australia: 131114

Austria: 017133374

Belgium: 106

Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05

Botswana: 3911270

Brazil: 188 for the CVV National Association

Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)

Croatia: 014833888

Denmark: +4570201201

Egypt: 7621602

Estonia: 3726558088; in Russian 3726555688

Finland: 010 195 202

France: 0145394000

Germany: 08001810771

Holland: 09000767

Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000

Hungary: 116123

India: 8888817666

Ireland: +4408457909090

Italy: 800860022

Japan: +810352869090

Mexico: 5255102550

New Zealand: 0800543354

Norway: +4781533300

Philippines: 028969191

Poland: 5270000

Portugal: 21 854 07 40/8 . 96 898 21 50

Russia: 0078202577577

Spain: 914590050

South Africa: 0514445691

Sweden: 46317112400

Switzerland: 143

United Kingdom: 08457909090

USA: 18002738255/ text 741741

Veterans' Crisis Line: 1 800 273 8255/ text 838255

[adorabledonutunicorn]

Dealing with Depression

International lifelines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html 

Resources in he US and things I’ve used:

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/ 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ 

Wysa (also an app): https://www.wysa.io/ 

7cupsoftea (also now an app): https://www.7cups.com/ 

Stop, breathe, and think: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.stopbreathethink.app or https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/stop-breathe-think/id778848692?mt=8 

BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com/ 

No one is probably going to see this lol, but just in case someone does, I’ll put this out there. I am by no means an expert or completely better, and what has worked for me so far may not work for you, but hopefully the few things I have to say is still helpful.

So, last year was by far the hardest to get through. From about Late April to probably mid-September I was at my lowest, often dealing with suicidal thoughts and ideations. I would also like to point out a few informational things: Am I clinically diagnosed with depression? No. Am I depressed? Yes, and I might also have social anxiety. Do I take medication? Yes. Do I have a psychiatrist? Yes. Do I go to therapy? Yes. Am I judgmental about anyone with mental illness? Absolutely not.

First and foremost, I encourage you to seek help and reach out. I know it is NOT AT ALL EASY, and it hurts that I say those stereotypical words because I know it’s easier said than done. But I care, so I encourage you to reach out in any means whether it be to a trusted human, doggo or pupper, teddy bear (I mean...your teddy will listen, not judge you, and give you hugs), crisis center, or hotline. If I’m being quite honest, it took me more than a year to reach out because I realized I was not okay. But the first and most important person I told, is one of the main reasons why I am still here. I could be all dramatic and be like “she saved my life” and that would not be a lie, but what’s more true is that she has provided me with a safe space emotionally and physically, support, encouragement, and resources. I’m sure it also helped that she works in the mental health field but hey, I am extremely lucky to have her in my life either way.

On some of the hardest most overwhelming days, her and her husband were kind enough to let me stay overnight with them. They also just let me hang out and watch Netflix when I really need to get away. I’ve never really had such a close deep friendship with anyone before them, but let me tell you, it feels good to be loved and cared for. They are like my new and improved family (I mean, they are a lot older than me too). I’ve known what it’s like to feel desperately alone and like no one cares, but there ARE people out there who do. I would say you should go out there and find them but ummm, it almost feels like those friends came to me hahaha. I guess “finding” in this context moreso means that if they aren’t a part of your present, they WILL be a part of your future.

Those also aren’t the only friends I’ve told. I happen to have a few friends irl and online *wow, I have friends?* and it took all the guts in my compromised digestive system to tell them. Just having people around me who know, won’t judge, and are there feels like an extra cushion. I can’t have only one other person carry my burdens, the load becomes lighter with more people. And obviously we’re not gonna have an infinite amount of people we trust enough to reveal such a seemingly dark part of our life with, but if you have more than one person, reach out. Take it one step at a time and you will eventually get there.

Even after telling the first person about my struggles, it took months to get further help. Eventually I reached out to the University’s Counseling Center—yes, I know I am lucky to have had all these resources available to me...for the low low cost of my tuition and fees. Ok but seriously though I really am lucky—and I met with a counselor for some amount of weeks who was not a good fit for me, and transitioned to group therapy. I can go more into detail some other time, but it has been helpful to have people I am accountable to and connect with.

This past September I was able to start antidepressants thanks to my friend who literally called in for me to make sure it would actually happen. Even still, I just started noticing that I’ve been improving and it’s taken me from August until now to feel marginally functional. Now that I say that I could slip back tomorrow but you know, that’s how it goes. Healing is NOT a linear positive function. And who is to say I won’t struggle with this for the rest of my life? It may be depressing (oh what a terrible pun) but that’s depression for ya. Some other things I started doing to help include occasional social media detoxes, writing letters, journals, or probably-extremely-bad poems, following and reading blogs from AFSP and TWLOHA, prioritizing sleep, trying to not stay in my room all day, being patient with myself, writing a list of things to live for, and practicing gratitude. The first few are pretty self-explanatory, but I found prioritizing sleep a good start to self-care. I might prioritize it a little too much sometimes lol but I need more sleep than the average person. If you’re depressed, then you probably do too. And on top of that, going outside and seeing the sun or clouds or whatever your most common weather is, is important. It forces me to try not to isolate myself and stay in my black hole of a room all day. Even on days where I don’t want to get out of bed, I somehow do because I’m apparently a pretty high-functioning person and/or my stomach makes me sometimes. That might not be the case for you but that’s okay because sometimes you just need to be patient with yourself. There are some days where leaving your bed is an accomplishment. And believe me when I say it IS an accomplishment. No one said staying alive is easy. Somehow my body maintains homeostasis minus serotonin and probably other hormones, but if you’re heart is beating, you’re alive. It might hurt to be aware of that fact, but I hope you can take it as a sign. A sign that there are things at work you can’t control, and these things are trying to tell you to stay alive. You are more than your thoughts, and your reality is more than the lies in your head. And I guess this kind of leads into reasons to be alive and gratitude. It probably sounds dumb in theory, but making a list of all the reasons to stay alive has reminded me of all the things I am so grateful to have. Personally, this list mostly involves people in my life...but hey these people are the best humans I know. Some of them have depression too and that doesn’t make them any less great. In fact, their stories give me hope which is incredibly important. Let me say that louder for the people in the back, HOPE IS IMPORTANT. Hopelessness feeds depression, and while sometimes you might be able to stumble upon something that gives you temporary hope, the real hope that sends out a life ring when you need it most has to be created. In other words you need to put in the effort to find a light that won’t fade away. But spoiler alert, that’s not easy either and I can’t tell you how or where to find that. For me, what helps is gratitude. It helps me be present in the moment, observe my surroundings, and notice that I have many things to be thankful for. Sometimes it’s the sun on a cold day, sometimes the calm snow at night, yummy food in my dorm, or small moments of seeing someone being kind to someone else. When you are grateful the small things, they really start to matter. It’s like saving pennies, it adds up. For me, seeing the seasons change can be quite beautiful, so I should stay alive to see my own seasons change too. The weather might not always be desirable, but if you look in the right direction, you might see a rainbow—or even a double rainbow all the way across the sky. So I hope you decide to stay, to live another day, and find something worth living for. For my last thought which is kind of unrelated but I still wanna put it here...You might not be like me and like simplicity and silence, but sometimes I get the most fulfilling feelings when no one is around, it’s quiet, and I just listen ;) .

[amairauthor]

No Strangers

When you are part of a religious community, like The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there is great comfort in the support that members provide each other.

The church does a great job taking care of those who fit into their box but often falls short with those that do not easily fit into a certain expectation.  We often do not do so well when someone's life or choices fall outside of the bubble we call "standards." Those who are LGBTQIA+ or those who have deep questions about their faith are just two of these groups who may feel like they are strangers in an otherwise healthy fellowship. 

In the household of faith there are to be no strangers, no foreigners, no rich and poor, no outside "others." As "fellowcitizens with the saints," we are invited to change the world for the better, from the inside out, one person, one family, one neighborhood at a time.

- Elder Gerrit W. Gong

 The word stranger comes from the Latin word extraneus; in OLD French, it was estrangier for "foreigner" or "from the outside." Being called or thought of as a stranger means you are or feel like an outsider. 

As disciples of Jesus Christ who strive to be in the world but not of the world, we sometimes feel like outsiders. We, better than many, know that certain doors can be closed to those who are considered to be different.

- Bishop Gérald Caussé, 1st Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints 

I understand the need to hold up a high standard and expect myself to work toward that goal.  That is one of the reasons I love being a member of my church. But when someone else is on a different path, for whatever reason, I have all too often taken their journey as a direct conflict with my own.  

 It doesn't have to be that way. 

When faced with similar situations, I have been filled with the drive to soothe myself, to make sure the other party experience all of my disappointment that they may not live up to my standards.  Maybe it's a friend who identifies as gay and wants to marry their partner. Or maybe it is someone who struggles with the teachings of the church or one of its leaders.  

 One of my favorite hymns says: 

Know this, that ev'ry soul is free to choose his life and what he'll be; for this eternal truth is giv'n: that God will force no man to heav'n.

He'll call, persuade, direct aright, and bless with wisdom, love, and light, in nameless ways be good and kind, but never force the human mind.

Freedom and reason make us men; Take these away, what are we then? Mere animals, and just as well the beasts may think of heav'n or hell.

May we no more our pow'rs abuse, but ways of truth and goodness choose; our God is pleased when we improve His grace and seek his perfect love.

- Know This, That Every Soul Is Free- Text: Anon.    Music: Roger L. Miller

With my dear high school friend, I subjected her to a dissertation of the gospel's truthfulness and the error of her decision to leave the church.

With my sister, it was a long letter, followed up by countless passive-aggressive actions and words.

I improved when my best friend told me about his struggle with the church and his feelings of same-sex attraction, but not by much.  

The list I have built for treating others who are or choose differently than me is far too long for me to be proud of. But most of the time, I thought I was compassionate.  What is that saying about good intentions? I know that my actions have not always been the most Christ-like.

I have witnessed and heard about much worse behavior. Family disowning, aggression (active and passive), physical assaults, ghosting, interventions, etc. But just because some use their religion as a weapon in ways that far exceed what I have done does not atone me of my mistakes. My self-reflection reveals that I am more likely to treat others who I am casually aquatinted far better than those I am close to. It pricks my heart that is the case. The only silver lining is that it is because I care deeply for my friends and family. I know I need to do and be better. As a friend, as a loved one, as an example of Jesus Christ.

Remember, it is not about you This is one of the most challenging things to apply. When someone has different feelings, choices (or just are different), a metaphorical canyon may materialize.

Our faith, which may have brought us together or at least gave us commonality, may feel at risk. It is normal to feel abandoned or hurt, but don't let it linger because it isn't about you.  If we let this feeling continue, it can become as if that person who chooses another way has physically left us behind, but rarely does that happen unless we let it (or cause it).

And we do not need to shy away from our faith to love and support a friend. It can and should be as much of a part of who we are; in fact, our friend may look less upon us if we caved in our beliefs out of nowhere. Remember compassion

When my friend Kyle told me he was gay, my first two thoughts were simultaneous. One was, "yeah, I figured." And the second was a question to me. "Does this change the way you feel about him?" And the answer was a resounding, "No."

Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like "struggle." To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now—and to go on caring even through times that may bring us pain. -Fred Rogers

When my friend Kyle told me he was gay, my first two thoughts were simultaneous. One was, "yeah, I figured." And the second was a question to me. "Does this change the way you feel about him?" And the answer was a resounding, "No." It was only after his separation from the church and a culture that I was fully engaged in that I struggled to treat him well. There was a time when he felt that we were now so different that he didn't think we could continue as friends.

When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

-Mathew 25:38-40

If I had remembered the first thing I thought of when he "came out," he would never have felt that way.

Remember compassion. Let it drive all your interactions, especially when someone is going through a significant change or learning to accept who they are. Showing compassion and love for someone who does not share your beliefs, feelings, or lifestyle does not diminish what you know is true nor conflict with the standards you profess. In fact, in my opinion, it upholds them.

Remember to listen

 I have made the mistake that the person going through a faith crisis has made a hasty decision. That is rarely the case. Do you think you will give some fantastic points that your loved one has just not considered? I doubt it. Often, they have turned to the same tools they knew while in the church. They pray about it, search the scriptures, talk to others both in and out of the church, ponder it, and not decide one night to leave.

Listening is a very active awareness of the coming together of at least two lives. Listening, as far as I'm concerned, is certainly a prerequisite of love. One of the most essential ways of saying "I love you" is by being a receptive listener. -Fred Rogers 

So, turn off the preacher, and turn on the listener. Listening is not being quiet, waiting for the moment to make your point; it is an active endeavor to understand. It is a sign of love. Listening builds trust.

At baptism, we covenant to "mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:9). It does not conflict with the covenant to "to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in" (Mosiah 18:9). 

Listening is one of the prime ways to comfort others.

Remember the golden rule

 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them

-Matthew 7:22

 Sometimes people will come to different conclusions than we do.  We aren't the ones to changing their minds; that is not our job.  

For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

-3 Nephi 11:29

I heard a story about a teacher instructing novice teachers. He placed a cake at the front of the class. He asked if anyone would like a piece. When a student responded positively, he proceeded to reach into the cake with his fingers and grasp what was formerly a delightful and delicious treat, and threw it at the student.

We should never try to convince another to hide who they are.  We should always treat another's beliefs or decisions like we would like them to treat our beliefs or decisions. Remember the example of Christ As close as any man can get to, but not be my father, is my Uncle John, and I have always felt like we have an extraordinary relationship, and we do. In fact, through most of my life, I have believed I was his favorite. But as an adult, I have come to realize that I am not alone. Through his love and concern for others, my uncle John has developed very similar relationships with many others, each one I'm sure thinking that maybe they were his favorite. I am talking daughters, sons-in-law, nephews, nieces, grandkids, friends, and often strangers. My point in telling my Uncle John's story is that I never saw him step foot into a church outside of a wedding or funeral. And he was one of the strongest examples of Christ-like behavior I have ever known.

Do not discount or separate yourself from someone only because they are different. Choose to follow Christ's example, and care for them.

Caring comes from the Gothic word kara, which means "to lament." So caring is not what a powerful person gives to a weaker one. Caring is a matter of being there ... lamenting right along with the one who laments.

-Fred Rogers

Throughout my life, I have often thought of the simple question "What would Jesus do?" which is excellent advice. However, when dealing with someone who feels like a stranger, for more than a thousand individual reasons, we sometimes need further information to know what Jesus would do. And when we think we may know; we may feel that we fall short of His perfection.

Sometimes it is easier to look to someone who has put their life in order and chosen to follow Christ's example—allowing us to relate to someone who is also only mortal.

So first, seek that understanding through the spirit. Then, if you are still unsure, you can always ask yourself, "What would Mr. Rogers do?"

We do not do God’s work when we treat is children as strangers. Let us “change the world for the better, from the inside out, one person, one family, one neighborhood at a time.” (Gerritt W. Gong)

I have been asked to participate in a weekly podcast featuring active, temple recommend holding church members who also identify as LGBTQIA+.  I am, affectionately, the token straight guy. We do not challenge Church doctrine.  One of the fellows runs the BYU organization called "Color The Campus." Another is a Gay man who almost protested a temple groundbreaking before he was led to the church. ( he wrote a book called "Is He Nuts?: Why a Gay Man Would Become a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ")

I believe this is a critical group of which to be apart. I do not have the answers to some of the questions that arise from our discussions.  But I hope to come to the table with as much compassion as I can muster.

Click here for a link to my new podcast, Strangers No More

[asking-jude]

Hi I’ve got an issue here. A lot of my friends are pretty racist people. I didn’t know they were racist when we became friends 5 years ago, and only found out that they’re incredibly racist recently. (No exaggeration- they openly say they hate black people and Muslims.) I want to yell at them about their stupidity, but I happen to be a huge coward. I want to break off the friendship because talking to them leaves me feeling angry and disgusting. But I don’t have other friends so I’m stuck. Help.

Hi love, 

Thank you for contacting Asking Jude. I’m so sorry to hear that. I know it’s incredibly disheartening to learn that people you care about can be so hateful towards people based on their skin color or religious beliefs. It’s okay to be angry and disgusted by their behavior. It’s okay to want to yell at them, but that won’t solve anything. It will just make them defensive and the situation possibly worse. 

Speaking up against racism and islamophobia in a group where that is the majority mindset is really difficult. It’s difficult because, as humans, we need to feel accepted and part of our “in-groups.” Due to that, we tend not to speak up against the majority, especially when we are the only one that disagrees with them. So that’s why you’re scared to speak up. However, I think that you must try to speak to them and try to get them to understand that their ideology is hateful. Keep in mind that they may not want to be educated and remain in their ignorance. 

I found these articles and guides that I think are an excellent place to start with anti-racism rhetoric: 

https://healourcommunities.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/NDORH_ConversationGuide_2019_V6_12-10-18-FINAL_proofed.pdf. 

https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/59nz5z/how-to-deal-with-friends-family-who-are-racist-sexist-or-bigoted. 

https://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/people/how-to-deal-with-racist-people. 

https://www.vox.com/identities/2016/11/15/13595508/racism-research-study-trump. 

https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/publications/speak-up/six-steps-to-speak-up. 

Even after speaking with your friends and they don’t want to change, then sadly, you may have to decide to end your friendships. This is especially true if you know you can’t possibly stand their bigotry. Not having any other friends shouldn’t stop you from ending friendships if you know that you can’t remain friends. The friendship will only become toxic and tense. You will find other friends, and you don’t have to wait to make them. Here are a few more guides on how to deal with racist friends: 

https://thebolditalic.com/how-to-tell-a-racist-friend-that-s-not-ok-the-bold-italic-san-francisco-1c43990b9e0c. 

https://stylecaster.com/how-to-end-friendship-racism/.

https://www.herstoriesproject.com/2015/06/what-to-do-when-your-friends-and-family-make-racist-comments/. 

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-end-friendship-4174037.

Here are some articles on how to make friends: 

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm. 

https://getthefriendsyouwant.com/how-to-make-friends-a-12-step-guide/.

In addition to the resources above, I recommend that you utilize helplines for added support. Hotlines are excellent resources because they are free, confidential, and available 24/7. Here are my suggestions: 

Crisis Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741 to speak with a crisis counselor. 

7 Cups of Tea: Visit www.7cup.com or download their app (IOS or Google Play) to create an account. Once you have, you can talk with trained volunteers and/or participate in support groups. 

CONTACT Helpline offers emotional support listening-Call 800-932-4616 to chat with a counselor. 

YouthLine: In case you are a teenager, I am including this peer-run helpline. From 4-10 pm pacific time, you can talk with a teen volunteer. Any other time, you will be connected with an adult. There are four different ways to access their hotline, which you can view at https://oregonyouthline.org/. 

I hope that you and your friends can have a healthy conversation about race and religion. I hope that your friends are willing to change their mindset, but if they don’t, please prepare yourself in case you have to leave your friend group. It’s okay to mourn and miss them. If you need any more support, please don’t hesitate to come back to Asking Jude. 

P.S check out Asking Jude’s YouTube channel for helpful videos at www.youtube.com/c/AskingJude. 

Love, 

Meggan 

Asking Jude will continue to offer free peer counselling services on askingjude.org—a faster, more efficient alternative to Tumblr. Please, create your account and receive 24/7 support from the Asking Jude Team and fellow community members. Support our breathtaking transformation!