#one going into pos at the beginning of next month

[outerspacebun]

Fraldarius cookbook soon????

[zoandreez]

hiding in plain sight . (prologue)

pairing: ao'nung x omaticayan!reader

summary: your mother worked alongside miles quartitch in the sky people battle. as a dreamwalker, similar to grace, she got pregnant (occurrence unknown.) after miles' death, the sky people retreated. you grew up alone on pandora, afraid of what was outside of your make-shift sanctuary, until one day you go hunting and bump into some of the sullys.

word count: 1.3k

warnings: like 2 seconds of angst

as you frantically scrambled around your hut of trees and leaves, a ripped (and mostly fluff-less) pillow, and organization of old blankets you found from the abandoned pods, the day you had been dreading for a few weeks had finally came.

you were out of food.

of course, for any na'vi this is no big deal, all they have to do is go hunting. however, in your case it isn't exactly that easy. the other omaticayan do not know you exist. your mother, jasmine brooks, worked for miles quartitch, who (you quickly learned) wasn't the best person to know on pandora. during the sky people war, your mother as a dream walker was concieved. although the answers to how are still unknown, you were born with five fingers, five toes, and eyebrows, resembling human features more than na'vi. the sky people had no time to react, and with no clue how to deal with you, abandoned you.

luckily, you were just about 3 years old when they abandoned you and understood the basics of life-- walking, peeling fruits and such. you had to train yourself to hunt, to make your own loincloths, and other necessities. you never went hunting much, in fear you would be discovered. so, once every three months, you would wait until night to hunt until the sun rose, to have enough food for the next few months.

the last cycle was five months ago, thank eywa for that. however, you knew you were too lucky, as your next hunting spree would need to begin today. in the morning. you had no food for the rest of the day, and you didn't want to hold out, you were skinny and rationed enough. you grabbed your bow and your arrows and carefully snuck out of your hut, beginning your day-long hunt.

about an hour has passed, and it seemed to be going great so far. you had quite a bit of spartan and yovo fruits to get you through for a week, and you decided you'd get your months worth stash next week. on your way back, you had begun to dig into a yovo fruit, one of the smaller ones, when suddenly you heard murmurs.

"tuk, keep up!" you heard a boy shout.

your ears tilted up as you turned your head in the direction of the noise. you said nothing as you backed away, afraid running would bring too much attention your way.

"bro, why'd you bring her anyway?" you heard another boy say, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

something about the scene, instead of scaring you, enticed you. you inched closer to the voices, finally stopping behind a tree. you peeked between two branches like a window as you stared at the 4. it was a na'vi boy, braids pulled back into a ponytail, leading the group. quickly following behind was a na'vi girl, younger than the rest, swaying her tail as she leapt across the log following him. a taller girl, strolled behind casually, as the human boy caught your attention, with a breathing mask on.

"she's such a crybaby." the na'vi boy huffed, and the steps on the grass you once heard stopped. "she's all, 'i'm telling! you're not supposed to go to the battlefield. i'll tell mom if you don't let me come.'"

the youngest one, most likely who tuk is, stuck her tongue out at the na'vi boy. you smiled at her remark. the older girl blurted out a quick "don't pick at her," looking at him with disapproval.

they continued on their path, and you quickly ran to drop your fruit off and follow them. it looked like they were heading to the pods, and miles' old suit. you passed by thousands of times, breathing in your mothers old mask or sitting in her pod (unfortunately someone seven, eight feet tall cant lay in a five foot pod.) you followed the familiar path as the four began to speak again.

"come on," na'vi boy spoke again. as he climbed up to the crashed ships, the three of the other companions followed.

"oh, sick." the human boy called. you began to walk further out, uninterested in the chance of "any dead bodies up there," that tuk claims to want to see. you followed the older na'vi girl, as she walked further into the nature. she brushed her fingertips against the branches and lifted her arms to twirl with the leaves, before eventually laying down in the grass. you stepped closer to her, before freezing. you saw the many atokirina that flew ahead of you, and calmly circled themselves onto the girl.

you stared in awe as she lay asleep, the spirit seeds of eywa sitting on her, before they buzzed away. it was like she just got blessed? you had no clue what happened, and reached out to one of the atokirina to graze it-

"hey!" your head whipped up to the human boy. you quickly took off, brushing past him. "what were you doing? get back here!" he shouted, dashing after you before he shouted.

"lo'ak! tackle that girl, i think she hurt kiri!" you looked around, for any signs of lo'ak, the now name-assigned na'vi boy. after not seeing him, you took off for safety before you were pinned down by lo'ak.

"who are you?" he blurted out.

"get off me!" you protested, twisting and turning as you reached for your knife.

he quickly stopped you, but froze when he grabbed your hand. slowly, he put his hand up to yours. it took you a minute to realize what he was doing, until you looked. your hands matched up perfectly, but that isn't supposed to happen unless..

"are you a dreamwalker?" you both asked, and looked at each other in shock. "what do you mean are you a dreamwalker? stop copying me. why are you saying everything i say? stop it!"

the human boy interjected. "wait, what are you guys talking about, 'dreamwalker?'"

"she has five fingers."

the boy turned to look at you, before walking up and looking at her hands. "so, what- do we take her to dad?" "no way, he'll kill us if he knew we came this far."

"he'll kill us if we don't tell him the sky people are back."

you watched the two argue for a moment, before lo'ak finally sighed and gave in. he looked back at you. "sorry dreamwalker, gotta turn you in to big boss." he said before tapping his neck, as you caught sight of the little mic he had.

"but i'm not a dreamwalker."

the boys both froze and looked at you. "so, what are you?" the human boy said.

"well, my mother was. i'm just.. a freak." you said, wiggling your pinky.

lo'ak hesitated for a bit, looking at you. he had no clue whether to believe you or not. he grew up thinking he was a freak for his fifth finger, his eyebrows, his demon blood. now, this girl that laid before him could be like him. or, she could be what he's sworn to not. a sky person. a demon. he pressed his mic.

"devil dog, devil dog this is eagle eye, over." he spoke.

after a moment, they heard static and then a male voice spoke. "eagle eye, send your traffic." the male said. you stared off into the distance.

"we found this girl, she looks like an avatar, but she says shes not a dreamwalker. she has five fingers though, and we've never seen her before." you had begun to wriggle under his grasp, not wanting to be caught. "let me go!" you protested.

"where are you?" the male on the other line said. lo'ak looked at the now returned human boy, with kiri, and hesitated before answering. kiri mouthed a snarky remark to lo'ak that you couldn't hear, but it made lo'ak wince.

"oh. we're.. we're um.. attheoldshack." he said quickly.

"who's we? who's with you?"

"me, kiri, spider... tuk."

you heard a faint gasp in the speaker on his neck, and looked over at tuk as she said to kiri, "is dad coming for us?"

"dad's coming for lo'ak's ass, definitely." lo'ak hit kiri on the shoulder, as he continued to lean on you with his knee on your back, one hand pinning your wrists together.

this just acts as a prologue for a series i have coming, i figured i should get practice writing in!

[imaginationlover101]

Why Do Fools Fall In Love?

Sodapop Curtis x Reader Blurb

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I really thought I needed glasses.

In school, Ponyboy always made fun of me because I could never see the board, but this exact moment made me question it, seeing as I could see Soda and Sandy clear as day. Even when standing in line for popcorn at least 50 feet away.

I could see the way he held her hand as she laughed, the way she learned close when she was cold, or the way that she laughed as she whispered words that I'll never know.

"You know if you keep staring at them, it's not going to fix anything". Pony leans in my ear in a whisper so that Two Bit wouldn't hear. But it wouldn't matter anyways, he was too drunk and obnoxious to care

Finally taking my glance off the couple I turn towards Pony. "I know, but I cant stand it. Don't you see the way they look at each other. Its nauseating."

Pony sighs and grabs the popcorn bucket as I continue to roll my eyes. "I just dont understand why cant he see that she's lying to his face, and even if she said something, he'd still love her!"

Realizing that my voice was louder then needed, Two Bit turns around. Coming closer to me, Two wraps his arm around my neck. "You know if you needed someone to love you, I'm here!" He says, walking back, knocking over almost every empty chair.

"Just ignore him Y/N, Soda doesn't deserve you." Pony nudges me towards the cashier and we pay for our popcorn. Walking back to our seats Pony ushers us to sit all the way at the end of the isles instead near the lovesick couple.

The credits start to play and suddenly an arrangement of colors come onto the screen, and suddenly a movie called "Why do fools fall in love" started to play, how ironic.

The movie starts off with a teenage girl who's in love with her next door neighbor. There's a rumor going around her school that he was going to ask her to prom, but she is soonly disappointed to find out hes with another girl a month before prom, and the plot of the movie gets more confusing from there.

During the middle of the movie Dally comes and sits down in the chair next to us. Wrapping an arm around my chair I could see him coming closer in my view in the corner of my eye.

"Say what's this movie about anyways" Looking his way I poing to the screen. "Well I dont know Dal, you just came when I was trying to watch."

Dally laughs and comes closer to my ear, "Let me tell you a secret Y/N, the only thing you were watching was Soda and Sandy."

Widening my eyes, I "politely" shoved Dally, pushing him off his chair. Johnny, and Pony all start laughing while Two Bit points and chackles over Dally. Dally get up from the ground and pushes his chair back up. "Shove off two"

Soda and Sandy turn around from there love antics, starring at the group like immature children. It hurt to see the boy I loved so much fawn over some girl who he had only met a minute ago.

My attention was thrown away from the boys as I directed my view back to the movie screen. There was chatter and noise all around me, but as soon as I turned my attention back to the Ponyboy, and Johnny, they both were talking to the girls behind us. Surprisingly now Dally was the only one sitting contently in his chair.

Sighing, I teared my eyes away from the painful view only to look at the sight of my childhood crush kissing a girl twice his age. Putting my focus back on the movie scene, my eyes began to tear, and the main character begins singing a song about fools falling in love, and I couldn't help but believe it too.

Why do fools fall in love?

[dd-is-my-guiltypleasure]

David Duchovny: ‘The X-Files took up my life, but it was a miracle’

It's behind a paywall so if somebody has access I would love to read the article

Update : got it, thanks @aimsies-mctaymellburg

David Duchovny: ‘The X-Files took up my life, but it was a miracle’

As Fox Mulder in the hit sci-fi show, the actor and singer peddled fringe conspiracy theories. Now the 63-year-old says Mulder’s paranoia is everywhere.

In hindsight it wasn’t a great idea for me to kick off an interview with David Duchovny by suggesting that he was a musical dilettante. You’re most likely to know Duchovny, of course, as Fox Mulder, the conspiracy-theory-guzzling FBI agent in The X Files, one of the biggest shows of the Nineties, watched at its peak by 30 million in America alone. Perhaps you saw him as the womanising writer Hank Moody in Californication or the 1960s detective Sam Hodiak in Aquarius. You may even have read some of his five books.

Duchovny, a New Yorker living in Los Angeles, is less known for music, although he’s been making rather decent folk-rock for a decade — songwriting, playing guitar and singing in a honeyed drawl. His 2015 songHell or Highwater has been streamed more than a million times while Layin’ on the Tracks, from 2020, has pointed lyrics about a certain politician (“It’s a killing joke that no one laughs at/ A stupid orange man in a cheap red hat”). He has released three albums, with a fourth due next year, and this month plays Latitude festival in Suffolk and the 2,000-capacity Shepherds Bush Empire in London.

So does the 63-year-old feel that he should no longer be seen as just a musical dabbler? “That’s part of a lazy person’s perception,” he says, bristling slightly. “It’s a lens through which people want to see me. I think music is an innocent art form — you listen to it and you have a response. To bring any kind of baggage to bear on it in the beginning seems to me to be dishonest, but that’s the way things go.”

YouTube clips of recent shows suggest people were having a lovely time, I say. This doesn’t have the soothing effect intended. YouTube footage lingers “because of the horror of the cell phone”, Duchovny says. “It’s a pet peeve of mine.” Is he tempted to ban them at his shows, as artists from Prince to Bob Dylan have? “I don’t know that I can enforce that view on anybody.”

For Duchovny, it’s as much about phones limiting his performance as it is about the audience not living in the moment. “To do something unique or for the first time, to reach for a note or play a different melody — all these are chances you might take if you weren’t inhibited by the fact that somebody is [recording] it,” he says. “You’ve got to be able to fail and the ubiquity of cell phones makes failure scarier than it needs to be.”

Failure is the key to another of his jobs: podcasting. In his series Fail Better, he adroitly interviews guests including Bette Midler, Ben Stiller and Sean Penn about their failures. “I feel like I’ve been failing my entire life,” Duchovny said on launching it in May. That may sound strange from a man with English degrees from Princeton and Yale, who has won a Golden Globe for The X Files and another for Californication.

Is he familiar with Elizabeth Day, the British journalist who has hosted a successful podcast called How to Fail since 2018? When Duchovny announced Fail Better, Day tweeted: “I might invite David Duchovny on @howtofail to discuss his failure to be original.”

“This is the first I’ve heard of it,” he says. “If she wants to be rigorous in her thinking, she would investigate what my approach to failure is. I don’t know what her approach to it is. My sense, since failure is universal, is that there’s room out there for more than one discussion.” This is a rather po-faced response to what seemed like a playful comment from Day, and surprising because Duchovny has a wicked sense of humour. He can also afford to be more magnanimous, given that his podcast is at No 12 in the UK chart and hers is at 54.

Gillian Anderson, his X Files co-star, certainly likes his podcast, writing this week on Instagram that she had listened to all of the episodes and found them “intimate and vulnerable … very smart questions, although I wouldn’t expect anything else from you [David]”.

“It’s very sweet,” Duchovny says. “I will email her and thank her. I’m sure somebody running my social media is … I don’t really like to be on social media.” Later that day his Instagram account replies to Anderson’s post: “Thank you for listening, you have an open invite [to appear on his podcast]!”

That encounter would be worth hearing because his relationship with Anderson is fascinating. Despite their chemistry in The X Files there were rumours of friction — although they looked to be getting on swimmingly when they appeared on Jimmy Kimmel’s talk show in 2016 to publicise the return of the show, which ran for two more seasons.

When asked by Kimmel about frostiness between her and Duchovny in the Nineties, Anderson collapsed into giggles, laid her head in Duchovny’s lap and put any froideur down to the dampness of Vancouver, where the series was shot. Her hair kept going frizzy, she explained, and “for every single take we’d have to stand there and blow dry my hair again”.

“And I got pissed at that?” Duchovny asked.

“Well, I think it added to the tension,” Anderson said.

“It kinda makes me sound like an asshole,” Duchovny replied.

Anderson had nothing to do with him leaving The X Files in 2002, he says now. “That was just me wanting to have a family, but also to try other things. It had kind of taken up my life. There was no animosity with the actual show and the people that I worked with. I am proud of the show — it was culturally central in a way that it’s very hard to do these days in a fragmented landscape. There’s so many lightning-strike aspects to it that I can’t help but think of it as some kind of a miracle.”

The X Files gave conspiracy theories a kind of nobility — “the truth is out there”, as its tagline ran. Now they are more widespread and pernicious. “Mulder’s way of looking at the world was through conspiracy and that was the fringe at that point,” Duchovny says. “It doesn’t seem to be so fringe any more. It’s really the world that [The X Files creator] Chris Carter foresaw happening almost 30 years ago. He’s almost clairvoyant in that case.” Is Duchovny more evidence-based than Mulder? “Not at all. I’m an artist — I am associative-based and I see poetry as science and science as poetry.” So are there some conspiracy theories that he buys into? “No, I’m talking about art. I think conspiracies are mostly just lazy thinking.”

One failure that has shaped Duchovny is that of his marriage to the actress Téa Leoni, who starred in Bad Boys and Deep Impact. They married in 1997 and have a daughter, West, 25, and a son, Kyd, 22, but divorced in 2014. “That darkness does deepen you. It makes you more empathetic and humble,” Duchovny says. One of the themes of his podcast is “the difference between humiliating and humbling. Often we focus on humiliation in our culture. I don’t see any positives coming from humiliation, but I see a lot of them coming from humility.”

One wonders if the reference to humiliation has something to do with Duchovny checking into rehab for sex addiction in 2008. Could him playing the bed-hopping Hank in Californication be a case of art imitating life? “People never tire of trying to figure that out,” he says with a sigh. “But to me, that’s not what acting is about. I don’t look for things that are mirroring my life in any way.”

Well, there are parallels in Reverse the Curse, the 2023 film that Duchovny directed, starred in and adapted from his book Bucky F***ing Dent. He plays a would-be novelist who has “sacrificed his artistic dream to put food on the table”. His father, a publicist, did the same, publishing his debut at 75, the year before he died. The film has some really funny scenes, including one where Marty and his son have a farting competition in a motel room that ends up smelling like “an aquarium that fed a sock”. That may have come from a line in Aquarius where someone says something similar about a police station. “I might have ripped it off, I’m not sure,” Duchovny says. “ You can ask Elizabeth Day about that.”

David Duchovny will perform at Latitude festival, near Southwold on July 25 and 02 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, W12 on July 27

[lemony-and-zesty]

So with hitman John Dory, what does the timeline look like?

Does the first two movie go about the some except for John dory being one of the bountyhunters that Barb sends after them?

Or

Is it post World Tour but before Band Together?

Or

Is it something completely different?

I really like your au!

Ahh!! Thank you so much!!

It’s really funny that you ask about World Tour cause that is where I originally got the idea, but it kinda morphed into something else entirely!!

This got kinda long 😭😭

So the main timeline I’m thinkin is this:

The events leading up to the Brozone break up are essentially the same. Then, once the boys break up, JD gets the hell out of there and ends up in the Neverglades where he spends the next ten years completely lost.

Some time during that, the pop trolls escape Bergentown - not that JD knows this lol - and JD finds Rhonda and decides to raise her.

He escapes the woods at some point and that’s when he finds the city. This is where he spends most of his time. Due to his debt and the strictness of his boss, he doesn’t leave often. Not unless he gets a hit that’s out of the way, but still worth it.

His boss oversees most of his jobs.

After ten more years, news begins to travel about the Rock trolls getting out of hand. Barb puts out a call for bounty hunters, but the boss seems it as unimportant so JD doesn’t end up taking it.

During this, Floyd is captured by two fame-hungry teenagers.

Anyways, the boss catches word of The Queen of Pop having a partner and realizes that it’s one of JD’s brothers. He purposefully keeps this from JD - who hasn’t heard a single word about any of his brothers.

A couple months later, Queen Poppy’s name has spread all over and some pos decides to put a hit on her. And it’s a doozy of a bounty.

JD’s boss forces him take the hit, knowing that it would make JD very well-known, if not the most infamous hitman. Which would bring him fame and prosperity by proxy.

While this happens, Branch gets an extremely suspicious letter letting her know her immediate older brother is being held by Velvet and Veneer.

Things definitely stray from the canon of Band Together, but I might get to that later. Especially since this is getting super long 😭😭

[rorywritesalot]

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

Chapter 1: Guilty as Sin?

Prenote: Okay! We have chapter 1 now! Already diving into some smut. Remember, drink your water, get some sleep, enjoy!

Warnings: Cursing, MDNI, SMUT, NSFW, mature themes, masturbation, oral (fem receiving).

Ensley’s POV

It’s been just over a week since the incident with Colonel Quaritch. It is constantly replaying in my head. From the moment I ran into him, to the feel of my hand in his. I still see his eyes and the way they looked into mine. The smell of teakwood and the outdoors haunts my dreams. 

This is crazy! All this bullshit for a man I don’t even know?! I’m never like this. I mean I’ve only had a small handful of boyfriends but none of them ever made me feel like this. Just the mere thought or mention of the colonel gets heat rising to my face and making me feel all warm and fuzzy. Seriously, what is this shit?

I don’t realize how long I've been scribbling my notes on this new plant until I feel a hand on my shoulder. It’s Grace.

“Can you do a big favor for me?” She asks and she has that specific look on her face that says “I know you hate doing this.” I sigh heavily.

“What is it?” I say flatly, already knowing what she’s going to ask.

“Will you sit in on that staff meeting that’s in an hour? Please?” She claps her hands together and smiles wide at me, she knows that I won’t say no.”

“Why do you always ask me to do it? There are plenty of other people that could do it.” I say in a desperate attempt to get her to go ask someone else. 

“I know, but you’re the one I trust the best. You and your stubbornness proves to be good in these meetings. Also, I’ll let you off early if you do this for me.” I crack under this praise. God this woman is good at bribing me. She knows just how much I love my sleep.

“Ugh, fine.” I say. She pats my hand and says thank you before returning to her desk to get her work done. I look at the clock and it says ‘12:45 hour’. Okay, I’ve 45 minutes until this meeting. I can finish these notes and file them in that time. 

I continue my scribbling, file my notes, and clean up my area just in time. I look at the clock and it’s ‘13:12 hour’. Perfect, I have just enough time to get there and still be a bit early. I hate being late and what do I hate even more than being late? I hate being on time. Early is the way to go for me. 

I walk down the corridor until I reach the conference room. This isn’t a big meeting, it’s more of just a maintenance meeting where the more important people go over their accomplishments from the last month and then discuss their goals for the next. It never takes long. I don’t mind these meetings as I have made friends with one of the soldiers, Lyle Wainfleet. He and I both got stuck in these meetings for the exact same reason, our superiors couldn’t be bothered to do it themselves. 

I take a seat in my usual spot which is the chair in the middle of the table. Nobody else is in the room so I stare off again. My mind wanders and runs wild, as it normally does. I let my imagination take control and it takes me back to damn Colonel Quaritch. What is this man doing to me? I imagine how that run in could have been different. What trouble we could’ve gotten into together. I begin to wonder. I wonder what his hands would feel like on my body, not just on my hand. How his lips would feel upon my skin and lips. I wonder what kind of lover he might be. Would he be kind and gentle or would he be rough and mean? Would he be a very basic partner or does he like to experiment? 

My mind takes us to my room, on my bed. He tosses me on the bed and pulls to the foot of it by my ankle so my ass is just about to hang off the edge. He leans down and places his lips on mine harshly. While we’re in a heavy makeout session, I feel his fingers run up my leg until his hand rests on my upper thigh. He breaks the kiss and moves his hands to the waistband of my leggings and pulls them down along with my panties. 

He positions himself so his face is level with my core. His eyes trail back up to my face and he waits for me to give him some sort of acknowledgment to continue. I nod my head and wait for his lips to be where I need them most. 

Just as he’s about to be exactly where I want him, I’m violently broken out of my thoughts when the first person enters the room. It’s no one important. Oh my god what is wrong with me? That man is probably old enough to be my father. He has to be at least 25 years older than me. Am I really that horny that I’d let just any man fuck me? I’ve never been into men twice my age. My exes have either been my age or just a year or two older than me.

I start looking over Grace’s notes that she sent me with so I can start preparing my mental script when the door opens again. I expect it to be Lyle because he’s usually here by now but when I look up, Lyle is not in sight. Instead, he is replaced by Quaritch himself. He makes his way to one of the open chairs and takes the one that just so happens to be the chair across from me, of course he does. I mentally grumble and turn my attention to the person who is leading the meeting. 

The meeting begins and I usually tune out the first little bit of it because it’s always the same rundown. I scan my eyes over the attendees. They range from Peter Selfridge, to some of the lower interns. In the middle of my space out session, my eyes trail to the man across from me. As I move to meet his gaze, I find that he's already looking at me. Blood rushes to my cheeks and I look away as fast as I meet his eyes. I look back at him out of the corner of my eyes and I see him chuckling at my embarrassment. I internally roll my eyes.

“Dr. Sully?” I hear. My head perks up at the sound of my name. “Do you have a report?” I now realize it was Selfridge who called my name.

“Y-Yes! I do. I’m sorry, my mind was elsewhere.” I read off my notes and give everyone updates from my department. As I’m running down the list, I make the mistake of looking back at the Colonel, whose eyes are scanning all the parts of me that he can see, at least I think he is. My mind could very well be tricking me into thinking this man is checking me out. I finish my speech and slump back in my chair. 

The meeting finishes and I duck out, not wanting to be caught up in small talk. I just want to go back to my room and sleep. I once again am not paying attention when I bump into the back of someone in the doorway of the conference room. I turn to quickly to say my apologies but I’m stunned as I notice the familiar muscular arm.

“This is the second time sweetheart. If I didn’t know any better, i’d say you’re runnin’ into me on purpose.” He says with that smirk on his face. He moves out of the way and motions for me to walk out of the room first. I mumble a ‘thank you’ and move out of the room. I walk down the hallway to head to the living quarters. I subtly turn to look back and find that the colonel is only 2 paces behind me. 

“You wouldn’t happen to be following me, would you colonel?” I slow my walking down until he’s just behind me. I am engulfed by that smell of teakwood and outdoors again. I inhale slightly.

“No ma’am, just heading to my room.” He says, his southern accent is laced with amusement. “I bet you’d like it if I was following you though.” He laughs at his own joke. I mockingly laugh back.

“In your wildest dreams colonel.” I say, turning to him to give him a mocking look. 

“Please, just call me Miles.” 

“Oh so we’re on first name bases now, I just met you good sir.”

“Yes," He rolls his eyes, "but only if I can call you Ensley.” I stop in my tracks and slowly turn to look at him. I smile up at him and in return, he flashes those pearly whites at me. I feel my stomach start to do flips to be on the receiving end of his smiles. 

“Ye-Yea, you sure can, Miles.” I say with some extra dramatics. He smiles and chuckles before walking past me to head back down the hall. I watch him go. When he’s out of sight, I race to my room. It’s a small cozy room with a bed in the middle. There's a decently sized walk-in closet, a dresser, a small futon and some shelfs littered on the walls. There is also a small bathroom with a shower and toilet just off to the side. I sigh as I set my stuff down and plop on my bed. I enjoy that this is my one small place to call my own on this big unfamiliar planet. It keeps me sane. 

I sit up and realize that I am in desperate need of a shower. I move to my closet to grab my towel and pjs and walk into the bathroom to turn on the shower. I stand under the warm water for what feels like hours. My brain has not been able to stop and shut up for the last seven days. All because of him, Miles Quaritch. Thoughts of him have infested my mind. It doesn’t matter if it’s just him in general or if it’s my brain imagining what it might be like to have him on top of me. This is seriously getting ridiculous. 

I get out and dry my body off. Instead of putting my pajamas on, I take my naked body to my bed. I drop my towel before I lay down and I sprawl my body out messily on the bed. I stare off at the ceiling. I take deep breaths and try to calm myself. 

Aimlessly, my one hand slips from my stomach to my breast and the other down to my core. My fingers start to pinch and pull at my nipple and the other fingers start to rub my clit, both movements making my body erupt in pleasure. Soft gasps and sighs start to fill the room and thoughts of Miles begin to fill my mind. I go back to where I was before I was interrupted in the conference room earlier. 

Miles moves down to part my legs and places his head in between my thighs. I can feel his warm breath on my pussy and it makes me ache and yearn for him even more. 

“Tell me what you want sweetheart.” She says as he moves to hook his arms around my thighs, placing kisses on the inner skin of my thighs.

“I want your mouth. I want you to taste me.” I say breathlessly and he does exactly what I say for him to do. His mouth contexts with my clit and he sucks at the sensitive bud.

My hands continue to pinch and rub as I feel myself fall apart in my own hands. My orgasm starts to build and I work my hands faster, chasing my orgasm. I groan and moan as I still imagine him playing with my clit.

My climax hits me out of nowhere. My body twitches and my thighs squeeze around my hand as I ride it out. After I finish, I let go of my nipple and take my hand away from my clit and lay there limb for a bit. 

I’ve asked this question before and I'll ask it again: What is wrong with me? I’ve had two encounters with this man and I already want him between my thighs. I’m fucking crazy.

I sit up from my spot on my bed and contemplate what my next move is. I sit there for a bit, my back hunched and my arms hang lazily. I have an idea.

“I need another shower.”

Postnote: (Long, so bear with me.) I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. If I made any mistake or you have questions, message me! I'd love to hear from y'all. I will also be taking some suggestions on how to start the next chapter because I have no idea what to do. I will be making a posting schedule and that is to post once a week, whether it be this story or a different story. If you have requests, ask! Have a good rest of your week!

[symphonic-scream]

It's me the fool back again with another au this time it's

Actual Criminals Au for P5

Where. They're real criminals.

The metaverse isn't real, and all of them grew up with qualms about how some people get away with everything. And, eventually, they all get the push they need to stop being a bystander and become Phantom Thieves

They all live in the same building, and have a secret lair under it. They pose as normal people with jobs and lives and then at night they're plastering evidence of assaulters all over Shibuya, or leaking videos of insider trading or what's on someone's hardrive

Sometimes they do normal crime like stealing from the rich to fund their bigger operations. Just for fun

Okay let's go down the list

Akira works as a bartender in a fancy hotel bar, and goes home to his "wife", Haru, each night. That's how it appears, at least. As a fresh graduate from secondary school, he ended up coming together with some friends to expose a shitty pervert for who he was, and thus began their lives as the Phantom Thieves. Joker is the ringleader, and known publicly to always be listening from the shadows

Then there's Ryuji, a middle school phys Ed teacher, married to Makoto. It's perceived to be a functioning marriage. He was a founding Thief, and is their Rough'em'up guy. Between Skull and Queen, they get their answers when they want them

Ann is next, wed to Yusuke, working as a model. Mysteriously, the guest room at their place seems to always be occupied by former top athlete Shiho. Ann's love for her best friend was one of the main flames behind the beginning of the Thieves, and Panther is key at tricking their enemies into drinking a spiked drink or spilling secrets for a moment with the attractive blonde

Okay now, Yusuke, he came later. Yeah married to Ann blah blah. He's an artist, paints in a studio all day. His former mentor drove him to the brink, but luckily the Thieves found him there, and gave him the power to drag himself back to his feet. Fox is very feared, as his harsh words and quick moves remind his enemies of an old samurai

Makoto was once looking like she would be another young officer on the streets, doomed to being beat down by the system. Now, she owns a gym a block from where she lives with her husband Ryuji, and moonlights as the fast driving, hard hitting Thief Queen. The only thing that burns brighter than her rage at the failing society around her is her homosexuality.

Software engineer Futaba lives alone, and she likes it that way, supposedly. She's gotten her act together, again, supposedly, and is no longer hacking. Yeah right. After taking down the false shepherd Medjed, Oracle does the computer work for the Thieves, keeping them in the know during missions

The final standard member of the Thieves, Haru, didn't exist until recently. Well, under the name Haru. She used to live as the sole son of the CEO of Okumura Foods, and has found a life that suits her much better. As Haru, she runs a bakery just outside the entrance of her apartment building, and lives with her husband, Akira. As Noir, she's more than willing to show that actions have consequences, though she's often aware enough to keep her act to just frightening rather than deadly

Then it's the half members, Goro and Sumire. They're legally married. One is a top tier detective, the other teaches youth gymnastics. Crow and Violet appear maybe once every other month at most, filling the roles the teams those nights need

--

Okay so this is a Polythieves au, so the married couples above are mostly for cover. Below is a simplified web of the poly workings of the group

Akira -> Goro, Sumire, Ryuji, Ann, Yusuke, Shiho, Haru

Ryuji -> Akira, Ann, Yusuke, Haru

Ann -> Shiho, Akira, Ryuji, Yusuke, Makoto, Haru

Yusuke -> Akira, Goro, Ryuji, Ann

Makoto -> Haru, Ann, Shiho

Futaba -> Sumire

Haru -> Makoto, Akira, Ryuji, Ann, Shiho

Goro -> Akira, Yusuke, Sumire

Sumire -> Akira, Futaba, Goro

I have lots more for this but this is just the like outline post. SEND ME ASKS IF YOU WANNA KNOW ANYTHINF OR HAVE QUESTIONS

[chelseachilly]

king of my heart - pt 8

i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us so, baby can we dance through an avalanche?

pairing: reader x ben chilwell summary: ben’s injury begins to take a toll on your relationship warnings: angst & some cursing word count: 1.8k

a/n: sorry for more angst :( it won’t last long, i promise!!

see my masterlist for previous chapters

benchilwell

liked by yourusername, masonmount and others

benchilwell Absolutely gutted to have injured my ACL again so early in the season. I’m going to work hard to return to the pitch as quickly as possible and get back to playing for my club and country. Thanks for all the support. 💙

yourusername ❤️❤️❤️

masonmount You’ll come back stronger ❤️

cmpulisic You got this chilly 💙

jackgrealish Speedy recovery mate ❤️

-

It’s an incredibly tough couple of weeks following Ben’s injury - for both of you.

The first few days, he’s in so much pain he can barely move at all, on complete bed rest except for the trip to the hospital to get an MRI.

You see something shatter within him the moment the doctor tells him it’s a complete tear of the ACL and he’s looking at 6-9 months for recovery. The Euros are in nine months, which means he could not only miss the rest of the season with Chelsea, but also be unable to play for his country once again. The possibility of that is too grim for you to take after everything he’s been through in the past.

The surgery is successful, thank goodness, and you take a few days off to devote yourself fully to his care. Ben insists that he can ask his parents to come down or one of his mates, feeling guilty that you have to use your vacation time, but you won’t hear of it. You can’t imagine not being here for him at this time.

The day after his operation, Ben’s parents drive down to London to visit. You’ve actually only met them once before, when they were in town for a visit during the summer. Due to Ben’s busy schedule, he doesn’t get home as much as he would like, but they come to London to see him and watch him play as much as they can.

“Ben, sweetie,” you say gently as you enter the dark bedroom.

The pain meds have made him particularly drowsy, and you want to encourage that rest as much possible, so you got him set up in the main floor guest room for the morning while you cleaned his house to make it presentable for his parents. You’ve been living off takeout since his injury and way too tired to clean up after the both of you after waking up with him throughout the night to get him his pain meds or a fresh ice pack.

Ben stirs slightly as you sit next to him and run your fingers through his hair.

“D’you need to change the bandages again?”

“No, babe, not yet,” you tell him. “Your mum just texted, they’re almost here.”

He nods drowsily and sits up, grimacing as he does so. You help him put on a t-shirt and some comfy basketball shorts and grab his crutches so he can make his way into the living room.

His parents arrive a few minutes later. His mum, Sally, comes prepared with all of Ben’s favourite foods, and his dad, Wayne, suggests they put on a rugby match. You know that watching sports is how he and his dad bond, and you appreciate that he had the sense not to put on a football game - especially since Chelsea is playing today in their first match since the injury.

You make everyone some tea and bring it into the living room along with the biscuits Sally made. While Ben’s parents are happily chatting away and updating him on his sister’s uni application process and how his grandparents are doing, he barely says a word - he just sips his tea and stares down at the thick bandages and brace on his knee, a reminder of how long it will be before he’s back to doing what he loves.

“Ben, do you want some more tea?” you ask after he’s finished his cup, gently placing a hand on his arm.

“No, I’m fine,” he mumbles, not making eye contact with you or reciprocating your touch.

Although he was quite clingy and wanted you as close to him as possible when he was still coming down from the anesthesia, he’s been a bit distant toward you since. You can’t blame him, knowing how much pain he’s in both physically and mentally, but it still hurts a bit. You’ve never seen this side of him before, not even after a tough loss.

“Y/N, would you join me in the kitchen for a moment?” Sally asks with a small smile.

You nod and follow her into the other room, pouring both of you another cup before sitting down at the kitchen island and burying your head in your hands when you think she’s not looking.

When Sally turns around, you try to plaster a fake smile on, but it’s pretty clear that she’s not buying it.

“Are you alright, dear?” she asks you in a motherly tone.

“Yeah,” you say, maybe a bit too quickly to be believable. “It’s just been hard to see him like this.”

Sally nods sympathetically. “I can’t thank you enough for taking such good care of him, Y/N.“

There’s a pause as she comes and sits on the stool next to you.

“He can be…difficult when he’s injured,” Sally continues, lowering her voice. “The last bad one, when he missed the World Cup, that took quite the toll on him.”

You nod, your heart aching for him even more.

“I just wish I could take it away,” you confess. “I hate that anything is standing in the way of his dreams. He’s so talented and he’s such a good person and I just…”

As you trail off, there’s a smile on Sally’s face, and she reaches out to grab and squeeze your hand.

“I can see why my son loves you so much,” she says sincerely. “He’s incredibly lucky to have you, and he knows it. So if he’s ever acting like a bit of a prick, just remember he’s upset with the situation, not with you, alright?”

You nod and blink back the tears that had begun to form in your eyes, smiling back at Ben’s mum.

“Thank you, Sally.”

-

While you try to take Ben’s mother’s words to heart, knowing that you can trust the woman who raised him, things seem to be getting worse as Ben starts to heal.

Although he’s incredibly reliant on you for the first week and a half, needing your help showering and moving upstairs, he starts to become a bit more agile on his crutches as the pain goes from agonizing to bearable.

Since it’s clear that he’s feeling slightly better, and has even begun to see the Chelsea physio, you decide that it might be good for him to socialize a bit. He’s an outgoing guy and he’s used to seeing his mates every day, and lately the only people he sees are you and his medical team.

While you’re driving him home from his three-week checkup, at which he was cleared to start bearing partial weight on his leg as tolerated, you suggest having some of the boys over later.

“They’ve got training,” Ben mutters.

“Not in the evenings,” you point out. “I know Mase wants to see you, and I’m sure Christian and Reece would-“

“I don’t feel like it,” he snaps.

You drop the subject for the remainder of the drive, ignoring his bitter tone and the way he doesn’t say anything else the whole way home.

The next day, you have to go into the office. You’ve been working from home as much as possible to make sure you’re there if Ben needs anything, but you have an important meeting that requires your presence.

When you get home - well, to Ben’s, but you’ve only been to your flat to get some clothes since his injury - you are greeted by Oscar at the door, but are surprised that Ben isn’t at his usual spot on the couch.

Confused and a bit worried, you make your way upstairs and enter the bedroom. When he isn’t in bed either, you feel significantly more worried, calling out his name.

He doesn’t answer, so you try the bathroom, the gaming room, another bedroom - all empty. Finally, you open the door to his home gym, the last place you wanted to find him.

He’s sitting on the floor next to the treadmill, a few weights next to him, sweat on his forehead.

You feel your blood begin to boil with rage, but you try to restrain yourself from yelling at him.

“What are you doing in here?” you demand, putting a hand in your hip.

Finally noticing your presence, Ben takes his earphones out and looks up at you.

“Just a light workout,” he mutters as if he hasn’t done anything wrong.

“A light workout?” you ask incredulously. “Ben, you’re only supposed to be walking a few steps at a time and with assistance. You should not be working out, definitely when I’m not home.”

Ben refuses to look you in the eye, fiddling with the hem of his shorts.

“I’m serious!” you continue, walking closer to him. “You could injure yourself again or at the very least slow down your recovery-“

“Y/N, I’ve gone through injuries before,” Ben retorts. “I’ll be fine. I’m done sitting around doing nothing-“

“You tore your ACL less than a month ago, Ben! You need time to heal.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” he snaps. “Trust me, I’m well aware that my bloody knee is messed up yet again and I’m stuck at home for god knows how long, I don’t need you telling me what to do.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry for taking care of you when you’re hurt,” you snap back. “Sorry for trying to prevent you from making your injury worse, for supporting you-“

“By treating me like a fucking child who can’t take care of himself.”

Ben seems to know he crossed a line by the look on your face the moment he said it. Your heart drops in your chest at the cruelty your boyfriend is showing you right now - he’s never said anything nearly this hurtful to you before.

You begin to walk away out of fear that you’ll start crying in front of him, and you can hear him trying to get up behind you.

“Y/N, wait - ow, fuck-“

Despite how angry you are with him, you can’t ignore his grunts of pain as he attempts to stand up, having obviously overdone it today.

You can barely stand to look at him, but you still offer him a hand and help him hobble over to the bench, setting his crutches up on the wall next to him.

“Yeah, you clearly don’t need my help,” you scoff, shaking your head. “I’m going home. Call one of your mates if you need help. Maybe they won’t treat you like a ‘fucking child’.”

Although you can hear him calling out for you, you keep walking, slamming the front door behind you and running to the car as your tears blend with the rain pouring down outside.

tagging: @xjval​  (just let me know if anyone else would like to be tagged in upcoming chapters!)

next chapter 💙

[too-much-sunshine]

Finished the most recent chapter, and as an aroacespec person myself, I was so comforted by the slow and natural progression you've given Scar and Grians relationship in this. I'm inclined to physical affection myself, and that's something frequently excluded in pairings that people write as aroace/qpr adjacent. A lot of times they're always considered strictly romantic, but the way you've written this feels so right in the sense of Queerplatonic, as you mentioned you intended originally in the notes. I just wanted to say thank you for that! Reading how they hold each other and comfort one another (wont go into detail, as to not spoil ch26 for anyone reading this) just clicks in a way that's Their Connection, and it doesn't feel like it's trying to or needs to be anything else. It's so content, and it makes me feel so warm to see that in a fic with two characters I resonate with a lot.

Not to mention the plot- omg, I've been fawning over it all week! My favorite moment I think is definitely the kitchen scene with Iskall and Scars little standoff- the visual was so sassy and queer from Scars end, it just made me cackle to no end I absolutely loved the attitude. But really, I try not to theorize too much when reading stories that way every turn feels like a huge shock, and this fic keeps my attention so well I didn't even have the chance to, I was far too busy enjoying every little flair of dialogue and fluid change of scenario. I literally gasped and yelled "OH /SHIT/" aloud multiple times, I'm not embarassed to say it. There are so many details you kept so quaint and innocent at the beginning, I never even questioned them until their importance later on!

This story has been absolutely, insanely, phenomenally fun to read, and I can't wait to see where you take things next. I've been planning my own fic for ages, and reading something like this has really inspired me to pick up my pages and keep going. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you have a lot of fun working on the rest of the story! I know I'm dying to read the next chapter whenever you feel it's right to show, and others will be too :).

Much love!

- minecraft-cake

OH MY GODS IM GONNA CRYYYY (/pos) TOO LATE I AM CRYINGGGG TTTTTTT AAAaaaa this means so much to me TTTT ASDFGHJK

Ive said it before, and I'll say it again: I started writing WOftL because I wanted to read something like it, but it hadnt been written. Not only in the superhero space (even tho I am a bit a whore for superhero fics UuU) but also just aspec wise. Im arospec/ace, and I just felt it wasnt being represented in a way the resonated with me!! So I wrote it myself <3

Im so glad that it resonates with others as well! I really hope that deciding to change the relationship romantic doesnt takes away from that! I feel like, personally, it doesnt change their background and their connection for each other. I certainly dont plan to have them act much differently then they do now lmaooo

Ommffggg you are so nicceee TTTTTT If Im forced to say one thing I'm proud of for this fic, i'd say the foreshadowing turned out much better then I expected lmaooo This is my first looongg fic, so I really happy with that turned out!! I have so much I can say about specific scenes and how they came to be in my brain!!! But for specifically Iskall and Scar, I loved how their little plot came out! Those two have History UuU

Thank you so much for reading and the kind wordsss!! This seriously made my whole week and its only monday!! Im so happy to have inspired you, and if your willing to share I would love to read your fic when you write it! I hoep you have a phenonial day, week, month, year and life bestie <3<3<3<3

[reserved-system]

February Stars [HSBB]

Picture this, you're on a losing streak in life. Maybe you're having car troubles, just got dumped, or you bombed that test you thought you studied well enough for. Some time passes someone new is introduced into your friend group and at first you don't click, maybe you have a few interests in common, sure but it's like you only manage to see them at parties. You stop partying for a bit to get yourself back together and a close friend reaches out and invites you to their party, and you decide fuck it and go. During the party, you notice that friend from the group you don't know very well and decide to take a chance.

Now you may be left asking, what happens next? I guess you'll just have to read the wonderful fic this piece is based on!

[Link here!]

Hope did a wonderful job and tugged at my heart strings a little bit (/pos) and above all else had us cracking up the entire time we worked with them and the rest of our team! Let's go show them some love, shall we? Yet another massive shout out to the mods and admins for putting this event together! Check out the #hsbb 2023 tag for more works and fics like this!

Extras under cut - Wips, rambles, the whole nine yards, you know the drill!

GOSH. I don't know where to begin! How about with some stats?

This piece seems like it didn't take us as long as the first piece did because we actually scrapped our original piece and opened a new canvas. So over the roughly 2 month span, this is how we're looking!

Then we get to move on the the original sketch <3 So what I was going for was the ending scene when they're laying in the grass holding hands and Jimmy is talking to Tango. So this piece is a top down view which I've never attempted before so it was interesting trying to figure that out!!

ALSO. You can see us here playing around with our new art style ;^]

My one regret with the piece is I wish we kept the canvas zoomed in to the point all throughout the piece. You can tell where we zoomed in a lil too close by the thinner line weight in some areas but other than that I still like it. I loved working with the thicker lines.

So we once again failed to get any in progress shots of the background, just some shots in between the shading and the back lighting.

Colors colors colors! You can actually see Tango has a different facial expression in these. We played around with in for a few days until we found something we liked. You can also see us play around with other colors too.

And one last shot to appreciate the shading. <3

And now, bloopers!

Just a small collection of concept sketches from our first, scraped piece! It would've shown the rest of the backyard, porch, and Ren partying in the background.

Anyways, thank you for reading our rambles! Whether you're here from a reblog, from the fic itself, or were already following us. I hope you enjoyed! Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for the rest of our pieces for the event.

From the Reserved System, Happy HSBB everyone!! <3 <3 <3

[techsarah]

The Unexpectedly Cool Life of a POS Machine

Hey, Tumblr fam! 👋

Let’s talk about something that sounds totally boring but is actually cooler than your last smartphone: POS machine!

Yeah, you heard me right. Point of Sale machines. Those things you swipe your card on when you’re buying that extra latte you swore you didn’t need. ☕💳

💡 Why POS Machines Are Basically the Superheroes of Retail

Once upon a time, they were just cash registers. Ding! Cha-ching! Boring. But these days? Oh, they’re practically running the world (of retail). I mean, they know more about your shopping habits than your mom. 😅

Fun Fact #1: That POS system you just used? It also knows how many people before you bought the same overpriced latte. It’s keeping tabs on us all—creepy, but efficient!

Fun Fact #2: POS systems are so smart now, they could probably predict the exact moment you’ll cave and buy those impulse items at checkout. They’ve mastered the art of “Oh, just one more thing...” 🎯

🚀 The Modern POS System: Retail’s Batman

In today’s world, a POS system isn’t just for swiping cards and printing receipts. Oh no, now it’s helping businesses manage their entire life. It’s like Batman—except instead of Gotham, it’s protecting store owners from inventory nightmares and sad spreadsheets. Here’s what they do:

Inventory Guru: That shirt you wanted in blue? POS systems knew it’d sell out before you did. 🧐

Customer Detective: It remembers your coffee order from last week—how did it know you’d come back after saying you’d “never set foot in this place again”?

Ultimate Multitasker: These systems are basically running the show while everyone else is on a lunch break. Where’s their Employee of the Month award?!

The Future: Will POS Systems Rule the World?

Honestly, it’s possible. With the way things are going, your favorite cafe’s POS machine might know you better than your barista. 😆 Next time you pay for something, give that little POS screen a nod of appreciation. You never know, it might be the beginning of a beautiful, tech-driven friendship.

Stay tuned, I’ve got more ridiculous tech musings coming your way! And if your POS machine starts making jokes back at you, don’t say I didn’t warn you. 😜

[mynameisnotsoda]

YES PLEASE INFODUMP ON THE PISS SMP, I SAW AN INSTA POST YOU MADE IF IT AND I WANNA KNOW MORE/pos

OH MY GODDD AHAHAH LETS GOOO !!! MY EVIL PLAN TO SPREAD THE PISS SMP PROPAGANDA!!!!!!!!!! Okay so

In the beginning, we werent going to do lore, it was just meant to be a server for fun! Me and my brother explored and gathered materials for a while and he ended up taming a dog! Thats where the lore starts. It all started when that damn dog died.

So, he ended up naming the dog Piss, cuz it was funny, and we were exploring more at night. Piss ended up chasing after a spider and fell into a ravine and sadly passed away. (Now in character) Cyrus laughed his ass off, Ezra (he shares a name with my brother just bc he goes by Father Piss for the rest of the series) shouted "PISS YOU FUCKING DUMBASS" and it fucked him up pretty badly even if they both played it off like joke at first.

Cyrus and Ezra settled and started building their bases, however, Ezra was actually making a church. For a while he kept cryptically laughing and saying "oh my beautiful creation" and everyone was pretty worried, of course, but no one thought anything of it. Doc went off to build their base elsewhere (across the lake from the mainland since it was a small island only disconnected by a few blocks) and Cyrus went mining.

While everyone was doing their own thing, Cyrus kept dying in The Pit. It was just a small cave entrance that was really steep and there was lava and a ton of mobs in it, he died a lot from skeletons and burning. He's had a vendetta against skeletons since then and tends to avoid the nether as much as he can. Thats how he got his burn scars.

After that, Ezra finally finished the church. Everyone was invited to the grand opening! (Although in canon only doc and cy made it, ive rewritten it to where everyone else actually came) Ezra declared himself Father Piss, bringing peace and harmony to all the lands in the name of his dog, Piss.

The only problem was.. Father Piss slipped up, it was actually a cult. Cyrus was outspoken about not wanting to be apart of the cult, Father Piss declared him a traitor and killed him. Which is the first time anyone had really lost a life. (Death by mobs/environment arent permanent but DO cause permanent damage to the body over time. Death by players are limited to three before they stay dead. AND lives are counted by red hearts on the napes of their necks, they become black when a life is lost)

When Cyrus respawned they got into another fight, also ending in death. Out of fear, Doc impulsively joined Father Piss' cul- church.

Cyrus was exiled from the Pisslands (names by Father Piss of course) and wandered around the woods for a while. He began construction on a small house in the spruce forest but overnight Father Piss and his goons found it and vandalized it. Out of fear Cyrus ran to Doc, hiding out in their home for the next night.

Thats when he got a great idea! He created the entrance to his bunker on the hill next to Doc's house, Father Piss would've never guessed he stayed so close and he was right! He spent days making that bunker and over the following weeks he just grew more paranoid and afraid of Father Piss.

Eventually, Father Piss requested to meet with Cyrus, at Piss' grave by the ravine. They met up and Cyrus was led back to the church, skeptical but too afraid of angering him to protest. He ended up being imprisoned behind the church. He spent hours talking to himself and playing with sand as it was the only thing left in his inventory. He was scheduled to be executed the next day, however Cosmic busted him out! Laying down her first life for him to be able to get away.

Cyrus then decided to make a second bunker, connected by a LONG tunnel for him to escape through if needed. He spent months making it, he kept a nether portal in the second bunker and tamed a dog that Argent named Swaginator. His friends didnt visit him often, apart from Doc or Argent. He rarely left but when he did it was ALWAYS to see Doc, the love of his life. He was so clouded by anxiety that he wasn't able to be there for Doc. Doc was dealing with their own problems from within the church, not wanting to do Father Piss' bidding and unable to leave.

This put a strain on their relationship, but Cyrus really did try to make an effort. He began experiencing auditory hallucinations which only made his paranoia regarding Father Piss worse, which quickly deteriorated his mental health.

One day, he decided to go into the nether for some supplies to make his bunker look nice. He ended up running into Homeslice, one of Father Piss' goons, and he panicked. Not realizing that he hadn't been noticed he started swinging, he knew it was over as soon as the fight started. Father Piss had been alerted and the two of them cornered him to the ledge, before Father Piss swung his axe and took Cyrus' final life. His body fell into the lava pool below.

After a few days, he came back! As a ghost, he lost all his memories and the first person to see him was....Father Piss. It wasnt hard to trick him into finding his old bunker before raiding it. Ghostrus was completely unaware and blissfully complied with whatever Father Piss wanted for a while. Although he grew weary of Father Piss' instability.

Ghostrus built a house on a mountain near Doc's house and kept a close eye on them. He felt incredibly drawn to them but didnt know why, as he didnt entirely believe that they were married when he was alive.

Axel then joined, making a house on stilts in the sea, he became very close to Doc. Argent also became close to Doc, as they visited his restaurant often! Then again, it was the only restaurant and it was right next to her house. Slowly the three of them became friends and eventually partners.

Ghostrus on the other hand decided to start a taco truck, which was just a front for his drug business. He laced his tacos with coke to keep customers always coming back for more! Father Piss became hooked on his food.

More people moved into the Pisslands, the community grew and so did Argent and Ghostrus' respective businesses. He created a drug empire for himself, which gave him a lot of power. With the lack of memories and moral compass, Ghostrus created an image of himself to be the sweet and friendly taco truck owner. While behind the scenes he was a cynical and uncaring asshole.

He enjoyed the chaos that Father Piss created and became the worst version of himself for it.

AAAAAND THATS ALL WE HAVE SO FAR !!!!!! the rest is much blurrier and not concise so ill stop there, but thats the lore thats absolutely canon as of now ! Ty if you read this far :33

[the-axe-and-flail]

Look this ended up way longer and more detailed as I went on pls someone talk me out of spending the next week writing this God damned AU-

An AU where Gyomei declined Kagaya's offer to join the slayers and instead was picked up (aka sold by a crooked PO) to a guy who sailed the world procuring acts for big name circuses like B&B or Sparks. The man recognizes his unusual height and equally unusual strength, and with the help of an interpreter, he learns that Gyomei doesn't want to fight at all. The recruiter reassures him there is no actual fighting in entertainment (rather that it's all dramatization, like a Kabuki act) and he agrees, seeing no other out for himself and deciding this is the least harmful of his options.

Over the next 8 years he ends up in B&B where your family is a group of tumblers and trapeze artists. You find his strong silent type fascinating, and you love watching him train the caravan cats to do tricks like jump through hoops and balance spinning plates on their heads. Normally you'll find him in his off time training his body to peak physical form (something everyone who comes to see the strong man act is VERY aware of), but what most others miss are the moments of downtime when he's having tea or peacefully meditating, eyes closed as he soaks in the morning sunlight. His white, cloudy eyes seem to always find you when you think you can steal a glance, but he never seems to acknowledge your inquiry.

It isn't until a few months in that you're tasked with working on a new act for the tumbling floor routine that you decide it's time to get to know the seemingly gentle giant. Without any real plans in mind, you find him one morning cleaning up the equipment from his daily cat training and offer to help. He seems a bit skeptical at first, but doesn't take long to relent and even thank you for your help. He asks if you'd like to stay for tea as an offering of thanks, to which you happily accept, asking all sorts of questions about it as you see him take the small porcelain teapot and 2 small cups from a little leather box in his caravan. He explains the differences between eastern and western tea drinking, the entire while you're enamored by how precisely and delicately he holds that tiny teacup (and oh to be a teacup in those big strong hands).

You explain to him over tea about the new tumbling act you're trying to put together, and ask if he's ever thrown a person into the air the same way he hurls those tree stumps and boulders. It takes a bit of back and forth, but eventually he agrees to give it a go, though not before telling you how much he doesn't want to hurt you and please be careful. You promise that you've also trained your body to be the perfect (and safest!) acrobat you possibly could, but that his worry is really sweet and you appreciate him looking out for you. As you reached out to place your hand on his as a sign of agreement and thanks, you felt and saw his entire form stiffen slightly and immediately pull away, giving a soft apology as you do. The rest of tea time is spent enjoying the quiet sounds of the nature around you until set up begins for the afternoon.

It was a bit hard to find time and room to practice your new act, but you didn't let that stop you. Sometimes you had the interior ring to work in, other times you had to make a clearing for yourself in the woods just outside the caravan camp. Whatever your arena though, it was obvious that Gyomei was a worrier. He'd spend half of set up and stretch making sure all large rocks or fell trees were moved so nothing would accidentally harm you would he miss the catch or fumble the toss. Not that it was ever a worry of yours mind you, from the very first moment his hands wrapped around your waist to lift, to the countless times your fingers interlaced with his massive ones for stability, he'd never once given you the impression that he wasn't in complete control.

It was almost a wonder in and of itself, really. You knew he was blind, as they announced it at the beginning of his more dangerous acts, but he never really seemed like he couldn't see. He could catch axes thrown at him out of the air, he could hit a mark on the dime with a whip or throwing dagger. Time and time again he'd wow audiences with his ability to balance on a single foot, holding several hundred pounds of longs on his shoulders while jumping from pole to pole. It was clear this man was anything but ordinary, never faltering in his step or routine for even a moment.

Maybe that's why you felt so comfortable with him holding your life in his hands. When you would mess up a flip or over rotate a turn, he was there to course correct and catch, regardless of how far off target you were. It was addictive in its own way- crashing into his strong chest only to be a moment later wrapped in his arms as he slowly lowered you to the ground. The deep hum of his chest as he sighed in relief knowing you were safely on soil again. You on the other had would giggle, the rush of adrenaline a long held family favorite. You'd immediately be speaking plans for how to fix your mistake and asking if he was okay for another round, not quite noticing the dusting of pink on his ears as you spoke.

It was becoming a topic of discussion around the caravans as well- everyone noticed your breakfast tea time before warm-ups and set up/tear downs. They also noticed how even in down time you two gravitated towards each other, helping with tasks and chores, doing your washing together, even taking meals together when able. Some of the other acts even starting watching your practices, enthralled by just how high he could toss you, how gracefully you maneuvered in the air, and how deftly his catches and precision your balance was. The clowns in particular became a regular audience, always willing to cheer you on and offer fun suggestions to spice the act. For the most part it was silly or unhinged hinged things like doing the act in your knickers so you could charge triple (to which you swear your saw Gyomei fluster a bit, followed by a roar of laughter from the painted crew).

It wasn't until the night of your first show that you'd really felt nervous. This was the first act you'd ever put together without the help of your family, and you couldn't help but wonder if it was entertaining enough to really make it to the regular acts. Sure it featured one of the most popular acts of the circus, but would you be enough to pull your own weight, or would Gyomei end up shouldering it all like so many of his other features? It was enough to make your heart pound (and not in the good way) and hands tremble. Luckily for you Gyomei had spent the better part of the last 3 months getting to know your body very well, and could hear and sense the disturbance in your mood.

"Everything will go as it always has. You will be strong and precise, as you always have." His words were spoken softly, but the conviction in them was obvious. "And I will always be there to catch you." A phrase so simple it could easily pass for a quiet kindness, but the large calloused hand that tenderly held your face was a siren. Your whole body was a fire, at the mercy of his rains, and all you could do was stand there and soak in the warmth of his palm as your heart screamed at you to move.

A second later the lights were on you as the music blared, Windjammers blasting the march you knew by soul now. For the first time you looked up to see Gyomei with a gentle, genuine smile as he stepped back and held his hand out to you, waiting for the moment you started the routine. With the loud roar from the packed stands, you rushed into him as his hands wrapped around your waist, wasting no time before skillfully tossing you up, wrapping his fingers with yours as you balanced in his palms. Tossed through hoops of fire, over dangerously deep drops, and at heights unheard of, you wowed the cheering stands as time and time again your near death was evaded at the last possible second by your resident strong man. His grip was safety, his white eyes all seeing, and his precision impeccable. In the security of his catches, you were free to fly at impossible heights and perform stunts you'd only ever dreamed of as a child watching your parents on the highwires. And as the music came to a crescendo, your heart damn near beating out of your chest, you looked down to see his focused expression turn to one of tempered joy as he braced for your final catch. A moment later, the music hit its end as you were hoised above Gyomei's head in a spit handstand, balancing only on his single palm.

Cheers erupted, nearly deafening you as the two of you took bow after bow, backing out of the main ring as your personal cheer squad clowns gave rushed congratulations and praise as they flooded the stage for their own act.

"That was amazing!!" You gasped, hardly believing you'd just pulled off something so magnificent. The adrenaline in your system burning with the need for more.

"You were perfect. Just as I said you'd be." His deep voice reverberating through you despite the rushing of your pulse in your ears.

"And you caught me, just like you said you would." Oh to be able to see the smile on your face in this moment as you grinned from ear to ear. But he didn't need to see it, he could hear it in your voice and sense it in your heartbeat; the heat of your hands as you grabbed his was the definitive marker.

"And I always will." Despite the band and the crowd, despite how softly it had been spoken, it was clear as crystal. The large hands once again come to cup your face, this time followed by the sensation of his lips so perfectly meeting yours. His fingertips tracing the sides of your face as your own hands grip the collar of his uniform, both of you a tangle in the night as a blanket of blinding lights and music shields you from prying eyes, tucked behind the big top.

[butterscotchblues]

203.

on friday i went to AA and got my six month chip. a few weeks late, sure, but it still felt good. most of the people at that particular meeting have been sober for a very long time so they're pretty hype when a new sober person starts hitting milestones.

funny, i've been going to that same meeting for like 5 years on and off and this is the first time i've received any chip that wasn't the white one.

got there when everyone was sharing stories about how chaotic their drinking lives were. the host is an elderly black man--talks like an amalgamation of every southern uncle or deacon. he kept laughing every few sentences and saying "a lot of us should be dead". like.. he kept saying it lmao.

i disagree but i get it.

i've always considered myself a pretty chill person. and i'm sure a lot of folx would agree. but when i think about the shit i'd get into when i was drinking... well the lies ran deep.

i couldn't begin to count all of the times i found myself drunk as shit out alone in the dead of night or the early hours of the morning. how many times i've LEFT my home at 3am because my favorite bar didn't close til 4. it really used to feel like i had no control. like there was some unseeable force pulling and pushing me at all times. and it wasn't just the dangerous kinda chaos. it was the stupid kind and the thoughtless kind too. but i digress.

i think i'm only able to see myself, really, since i've quit. and when i sit in those AA rooms, usually as one of the youngest people there, and those folx start talking about having 20/30/40 year drinking careers, it puts things into perspective.

truly can't imagine living like that for decades. as in multiples of ten???

left AA with my lil chip and a handful of "congratulations" from the senior white folx and then pulled up at sevananda. been wanting to make my own almond milk for a while now. the energy in sev is almost always welcoming (especially if you don't work there). love seeing all the locs and fros and linen clothing and copper ankh jewelry lol.

the cashier was sweet and bubbly. caught me off guard when they started flirting. i hadn't been flirted with by a stranger in some time, i really don't be leaving the house like that lol. but it was cute.

left with my whole almonds and cheescloth, giddy for the creation to come, and drove to the decatur cemetary. bug randomly remembered that they have a huge pile of mulch there and she was right. so i grabbed two trashbags and filled them up.

sn: really enjoying gardening.

my next door neighbor came home while i was putting down the mulch and after i asked her for a rake to borrow, we got to talking about gardening. i noticed they had hella plants in a bed at the back of their yard and when i asked what they were growing, she named just about every vegetable growable in georgia lol. how inspiring. wonder if they'd be down to give me some tips.

pulled up on my plug a little later because he made me some thc oil. i really don't like smoking anymore but tree has been helping me sleep and alleviating my wrist pain. so edibles and tinctures are my favorites at the moment. he whipped me up a brownie pan worth of coconut oil and the shit is po-tent. very cool of him.

anyway, i guess i just wanted to remember friday. because it was a good friday. and i'm grateful.

[iamthecomet]

Hoot!

(Finally replying, heh)

I honestly really hope that the meds will work too. I‘ll keep on taking the same ones I take now and take the other ones in addition, but they actually benefit? each other (as in, both probably will work better when taken together)

I‘ll most likely start tomorrow, but it will take 4-6 weeks for them to actually make something change. And also my symptoms of like dizziness and headaches will likely get worse at the beginning (this will get better over time tho)

They can also make you feel more suicidal in the beginning (which is because they make you more aware, including more aware of problems) but that also gets better after those 4-6 weeks when the actual effects set in (the new one is a kind of antidepressant)

So like, I’m pretty nervous about that

Yeah, going outside is pretty good but also hella hard to do. Sometimes my friends manage to drag me along, which I very much appreciate (they also need to go slower when we go somewhere by bike because of me, but they do that without ever complaining, for which I’m very thankful).

And you‘re so right. In the past, I’ve sometimes not treated them very kindly because of my insecurities and how I’m scared of being a burden, which is also why I isolate myself a lot, but whenever I feel a little less bad they always welcome me with open arms (they‘re also the reason I can watch movies/series, because 2 of them are so aware of my phobias that they will make me feel safe whenever something triggering happens. It’s literally so damn good, because when I’m watching with them, I can actually enjoy watching without being constantly scared that something triggering could possibly happen)

Also seriously, the way one of them immediately offers her hand for me to squeeze while simultaneously covering my eyes is just the sweetest thing ever

But like, there are other good news I think!

I‘ve been thinking about using a cane for at least months now. I sometimes feel very dizzy, to the point of pre-syncope (even though I never actually fainted before) and especially in the past few days, I feel even more unstable when walking than I usually do. I‘m very scared to go outside, especially on my own and just really don‘t feel safe. And especially during disability pride month, people where explaining what mobility aids can be helpful for what, and dizziness was often mentioned for canes.

And I honestly really think that it would help me a lot, and give me a sense of standing/walking more safely.

I always wanted to wait because I was/am scared that I’m just telling myself all that because I want a cane to get attention.

But my dear ex roommate (and one of the sweetest people alive) actually was like “well if you‘d benefit from it, who cares even if would be partly for attention? What about attention is so bad?“

And I think that they are very right. (They also added that canes do look cool as hell and they are also very right about that. I cannot wait to put stickers all over mine if I actually get one)

So on the next appointment I’ll have with my doctor, I’ll ask her if I can get a prescription for a cane.

Oh god, this got long again. Sorry about that

At least it included a lot of (pretty) positive things I think

At least for me, engaging a lot in fandom content helped me with my post-Ritual depression (as far as it was related to that cause I got regular depression going on as well xD)

But it seems like you‘ve been doing that /pos

~ @owlishanon

Finally digging this out of my drafts SORRY! ♥ I'm so glad things have been looking up! I hope that your meds aren't too hard on you during the adjustment period, and that your side effects are minimal. I'm glad you're friends have been so supportive, and are so good to you. I've probably already said it, but real friends are going to be there for you no matter what--they love all of you (even the not as fun parts) and I'm glad you have some like that. I'm with your ex-roomate on the cane stuff. If it's going to help you, you should do it. Who cares what other people think. If it makes you feel safer, more stable, you shouldn't hesitate to get one. I hope that your conversation with your Dr. about it goes well and you can get one and that it helps! Lots of love to you, I hope things are still going well!

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 31, 2005 We were officially online as of 5 PM yesterday. It took me 7 hours to catch up on sweeps and whatnot, but I got caught up.

While I was working yesterday, a rooster walked by the window. It was actually in the vacant yard next to us.

The trash gets picked up early here at 4 AM. Because it’s a one-way street and the arm that lifts the pail is on the wrong side, they had to walk it around to the right side of the truck, Tom said.

It was warmer today so we didn’t fire up the heater. I just used the portable one in the bedroom for a while. It’s to be even warmer tomorrow.

Since today wasn’t a good day to get the dressers, we browsed through part of the downtown area, stopped for pizza, and looked in shops.

The one that has this cool-looking bamboo plant was closed, but we went into this cute gift shop where I got a cat calendar for next year and some colored paper. Speaking of paper, I started signing up for freebies and came across this rather incredible paper site that sells all kinds of paper. Paper I’ve never heard of like metallic, iridescence and others that shimmer and change colors in shifting light.

We also stopped at Jan’s and got some incense. She still orders from Incense Galore, though she also has her old stuff, too. I cleaned her Patchouli out well and got some other favorites like Sweet Musk, Puddy Cat, and Cranberry.

We haven’t gotten any mail yet and I asked Tom if he was sure we were allowed to get any here because not even she’s gotten any. He said it can take up to a week to be forwarded and that she probably doesn’t get mail here because she has a PO Box.

I took my first bath here, something I usually only do in colder weather. The tub’s not the most comfortable, but it’ll do.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 30, 2005 Well, I finally got letters off to Mary, Paula and Bob, though I had to clip them to the outside flap of the mailbox. This is because some of the envelopes are too wide for this skinny old box. Next door has a nicer box. It’s wider and newer. I guess they’ll have to put things that don’t fit in the box right up against the door or somewhere on the porch. We haven’t yet received any mail here as there’s always a bit of a delay when forwarding. Today we should get something. If it’s like most places, though, the mail won’t come till around 2:00.

Again there was a big black spider in here last night. I sucked it up with the vacuum. Is this going to be a nightly tradition or what? I just wish this place was sealed up better!

It was a chilly 62º when he got up this morning. Tonight we’ll light the gas heater.

Meanwhile, now that I’m all caught up in here all I can do is be bored shitless till Charter gets here at 4:00, and they better get here!

Later…

The neighbor was gone when I got up at 9:00 and she just got back. If she does work, she’s working a very early shift. Given the odd hours she comes and goes, I couldn’t even begin to guess what it is she does. I’m just amazed that she hasn’t had company yet! See, she’s gonna move. I just know it.

The mailman, at least I think it was the mailman and not someone just out to steal people’s mail, took the mail just before 1:30. I could just make out their movements from the bedroom, though I never saw anyone. But we never got any mail. She hasn’t appeared to get any either. Makes me wonder if there really is delivery service here or what. Could it just be that the carrier delivers her mail back to her place and ours hasn’t been forwarded yet? I hope that’s the case!

I’m also surprised no one’s knocked on the door yet wanting me to buy cookies or fall in love with Jesus.

MONDAY, AUGUST 29, 2005 At the 11th St. House…

After 10 months, we’ve finally made it out of the duplex and into a house!!! The move couldn’t have gone any smoother. We even got free towing, thanks to that other coworker of his. I can’t believe someone did us a favor like that. Lately, no one does shit for us and we never seem to get any kind of break. Poor Tom was compensated for it, though, with a flat tire. He rode his bike over a nail yesterday. It’s a good thing he now only has a 6-minute walk to work.

I am so glad I’m not in the duplex right now! Mondays were always one of the busiest, barkiest days there, though that beast had come to bark several times a day every day of the week. This place has the potential for trouble too, though not nearly the potential the duplex had. My saying that if we had a good neighbor, she’d move, is a total understatement. I can’t say for sure that she’s really moving, but she appears to be. Her mailbox seems to be unchecked as if she’s forwarded it somewhere. She also comes and goes a lot, though she’s quiet about it. She was only out for 10 minutes on two of the trips which suggests she’s bringing stuff somewhere. Besides, I heard her close several doors on her car and probably her trunk too, before she left on one such trip. The first short trip where I heard all the doors was in the early afternoon. The second one was right before midnight, but I had the air cleaner running, so I never heard any doors (I decided to use the air cleaner and not the fan because it’s louder, and I also wouldn’t want such a small room to be so drafty once it cools down). Another thing that makes me think she’s moving is because the trash bin was barely an eighth full on Saturday. The next day it was overflowing. One of the things Tom said she threw in there was a broken picture.

I only caught one quick glimpse of her as she was leaving on Saturday. She’s fat and ugly with short blond hair from what I could tell. My guess is that she’s in her 20s or 30s, but I can’t say for sure. Anyway, I’m just so pissed at whatever’s up there because I know it’s going to send someone with a loud stereo or that will work on their car in the driveway, gunning engines, slamming doors, hoods, trunks and then some. It’s a super narrow driveway too, but as Tom and I both agree, it doesn’t look like a garage she’s living in that was converted. Maybe it was some sort of workshop or storeroom. It’s very small. I’m glad we no longer have to worry about blaring TVs, stomping kids or cabinets slamming, but that driveway’s bound to be a problem at some point since I’m here now. The house across the driveway has an 80-year-old woman in it from what Tom saw, but the house on the other side could be a problem right along with the driveway. The picket fence is only about 5 or 6 feet from the wall of our house and extends in front of the house as well as in back of it. It’s their side yard. Their backyard’s not nearly as big because it can only go so far back because of the canal. It’s a two-story house, and again, once it’s either sold or rented, I can’t imagine anyone not having kids in it, and I certainly can’t imagine them being dogless. The houses in this area are older and uglier, and some are two stories.

Let me back up to the move before I go on. I was up by 7:00 and Eddie was there by 8:00 on Saturday morning. He sounded gay but looked straight. He is married, too. He was somewhat shy and quiet. Tom said his neighbors complain about him for making a racket when he works on his vehicles. He should move to Arizona. He’d never get complained about there! However, if he thought Fresno was too hot, which is where he’s from, he’d never be able to handle Arizona.

Tom had told him that he thought it’d take 1 or 2 truckloads to move us (Eddie has a full-size pickup) and that I said it’d take 3 or 4. Well, it ended up taking 3, and of course, Tom jammed the truck with a bunch of stuff too, that got towed down here. During each load that they’d take off to drop off, I made a huge point of stomping around the place as loud as I could, and she was sure to blast her TV, no doubt knowing we wouldn’t have music going to drown it out. The week before we moved she stopped blasting it in the daytime probably because she was escaping my chaos under headphones. Nonetheless, while she blasted the TV, I got good exercise by running around and around the place and slamming cabinets. When I’d get tired, I opted to lay on the bedroom floor and listen to next door’s chatter rather than the bitch’s TV. The dog never barked that last day. I was almost sorry I told her when we were moving so she could line up a friend to take our place, but it saved me from having to play show-and-tell. I can’t swear that that’s why I got out of having to do that, but it seems like a logical guess.

The bad news is that we did have to sign a lease, but the good news is that it’s only for 6 months. It expires February 28th (I just say March) and whether or not we’ll move then, we don’t know.

All but two of my predictions came true. The house is a two-bedroom with small rooms, it does have dirty white peeling paint that Mr. Colorblind calls pale yellow, but the trim is medium green and not dark red. The only other thing I got wrong was saying it wouldn’t be managed Triple-A because it is. The other things I was correct about are that it is fenced in both the back and front, has no garage or cellar, it’s not near the duplex, it is in an area where the houses are older, and there’s a driveway to the right, even if it’s not ours. It’s a little closer to the train tracks, we can get/send mail from the house, it is closer to the street, although not by much, and it is square, even if the whole damn thing is tilted. There’s an older man involved too, even if he’s just the handyman. I’d say I did a pretty damn good job overall. That’s one of the things a psychic is supposed to do is see future events and places they have yet to see in person.

After the third pickup load, Eddie dropped his truck off at his house near the duplex and took his wife to work in their car. Then he came and picked me up while Tom went with the guy towing the truck, so he could direct him down here. The towing company is actually in Dorris, just under the Oregon border, so the guy didn’t know K-Falls well. I didn’t think to lock the front door or shut the garage door because I didn’t know if Tom would be back, but everything was fine the next day when he did go back. If there is anything better about the city it’s that it’s safer. There’s safety in numbers, and with Shasta being so busy, a break-in there is next to nil, not that they could’ve taken anything more than some cleaning supplies. Anyway, he cleaned up the oil leak as best he could and sopped up the water that spilled out of the refrigerator and onto the floor because I forgot to set the tray up to catch the melting ice. Still, we think we’re going to lose a large chunk of our deposit because of the oil and the fact that we didn’t have the carpet cleaned. We didn’t read the lease clearly which states that you must have it cleaned and then show them a receipt for proof that you did it. To have it cleaned seemed so silly anyway. It was brand-new carpet and we never spilled anything on it or messed it up in any way. The rat sure did piss on it a few times, though!

Blondie rode over on my lap and behaved just fine. He’s got to be the most traveled rat as much as these plants are the most traveled plants! It’s a funny thought to know that the rude bitch I’m so happy to be detached from might’ve seen me moving him out on my shoulder. She’d have been like, oh my God! You mean I’ve been living next to that thing for 4 months?!

I haven’t decided yet whether or not I’m going to send a more detailed email to Pam pertaining to the bitch or not. I don’t think I’ll bother. We’re out of there and she’s a closed chapter in our lives.

Although I still say it’s a shame that his own family cares less about him than his coworkers (though I still think we’ll hear all about the letter), it’s so nice all the offers he’s gotten to help him with various things. He still hasn’t checked that guy’s furniture out yet that he wants to get rid of, but I’m kind of glad he hasn’t. See, when he said the house was small I didn’t think he meant microscopic! I had hoped Pam was exaggerating when she told Tom the place was small, but the old living room is easily as big as this living room and kitchen. The place can’t be more than 600 square feet. We could really use one more room and a ¾ bath to go with this full bath that’s a third of the size of the master bedroom closet in our Maricopa house. The bedroom closets here, which are the only closets in the place, are barely 2’ wide, but the ceiling here is higher, so we can at least stack shit pretty high. I’d say they’re closer to 10’ high. That’s not good for in the winter, but the living room has a fan that can be reversed to blow warm air down from the ceiling.

Anyway, I’m glad we didn’t get any furniture yet to have to work around. We barely had room to unpack shit as it was. The bedrooms, which are about the same size, are about 12x12 and the living room and kitchen can’t be much bigger. Perhaps 13x13. The layout is simple. The living room and kitchen are to the left and the bedrooms are to the right with the closets and bathroom sandwiched in between. I don’t like how you have to go through the bedrooms to get to the bathroom, and I sure as hell miss the vanity in the old bathroom, but the bathroom’s been modernized so I like that much. We can get shelves for extra storage space. The shower pressure is wimpy, but the toilet and both sinks in here have good pressure. The kitchen sink is stainless steel which I prefer over the porcelain sink the duplex had. The tub is also plastic rather than porcelain, another thing I like better. The bathroom sink is plastic too, and there are pretty floral tiles on the back wall of the tub. Although the window in there isn’t frosted, it’s set so high that privacy wouldn’t be an issue, even though the blinds are much better here. They’re newer and whiter and the slats are closer together.

My bedroom, being in front, was rather light at night, so we got these new ready-shades that are so way cool. Tom says they’re the best thing they’ve ever made. There’s no hardware or labor involved. You just stick them on and they come with clips so you can raise them if you want to. They’re much cheaper and you get a more snug fit at the sides. He got the room-darkening ones that not only block out the streetlights but makes daytime sleeping in there not so bright, too.

The walls in here are old but in ok condition. The house was probably built in the 40s or 50s from the looks of it, and the floor creaks more than the duplex which was newer. That place was probably built in the ’70s. We shouldn’t need the AC in here due to a combination of the higher ceilings and the fact that we have about an hour less of direct sunlight here, thanks to an even bigger hill than the one we’re on off towards the west. Even so, the house is brighter overall than the duplex, and I like that. I’m sure the plants will appreciate it, too.

The house seems to mostly tilt towards the center, though the kitchen and living room do slant towards the side as well. Eddie said there was once an earthquake here, so if that’s what set it off-kilter, I don’t know. If not, then I guess it was just the ground settling under the pillars over the years, though this is awfully tilted for even 50-60 years. Everything’s off-kilter, including the windows. The screens are brand-new, which is nice, but we can’t open most of the windows because the casings are off which allows for the midges to get in between the windows and screens. That’s what they call the little gnat-like bugs that are in abundance here due to the canal running along back. I both like and dislike the canal. It’s cool to see the fast-moving water when we cross over it when we go to the store after living without any bodies of water for 12 years, but it calls for so many bugs. They don’t bite or sting, but they’re a pain. They should be gone when it gets cold. It’s already starting to cool down. It’s only going to be 38º tonight.

He’s going to hose down the porches next weekend because there are tons of webs with midges stuck in them, then I’ll hang my wind chimes. The last people left one in front. It’s kind of nice, even though it’s tangled. It’s got pink butterflies.

There are houses across the canal and we can hear dogs barking from over there in the back of the house at times, but it’s not nearly as loud as it would be if there was a dog next door. That would be as bad as the beast at the duplex in the living room and kitchen and I sort of worry about that happening eventually because of the noise curse that’s on us. It just seems inevitable.

I wish we could see the water in the canal from the place, but we can’t because it’s too steep of a drop-off. You have to get up to the chain-link fence in order to see it.

There were tons of car stereos going by on Saturday night, but not as many as on Shasta on Sunday and today. We’re still going to get sheets of 4” thick foam for the bedroom windows, even though the driveway has yet to become a problem, and I slept just fine the last two nights. I’m also not on nights yet, so that’ll make a big difference right there since it’s always harder to sleep during the daytime. I’m now getting up around noon.

It’s nice to be able to pee in peace and not have to do it to the tune of catcalls and door slams. I like not having to worry about running kids shaking the place down, too! The only thing I miss is the vanity and extra space. We had cabinets we never even used there. We’re very cramped in here, though we’re both way happier. I not only lack the space for knickknacks but also for boxes of stuff we can’t set up or wish to store. God only knows where I’ll keep my exercise ball when I’m not using it. We’re going to get shelves, bookcases, and whatever else we can fit in here to utilize the space better. The gas heater takes up a fourth of the living room as it is. It’s in the center of the house and so that whole corner’s useless save for the wooden shelf suspended by chains that runs along one wall there. It’s great for setting up some of the dolls. The heater sits on a brick hearth with fake brick along the lower part of the wall in that area. The gas heater itself isn’t that ugly. It’s just a large black box. The silver pipe that runs along behind it to the ceiling is what’s ugly, along with what looks like a metal paper plate with an ugly winter scene in the center of it that’s stuck to the wall behind the pipe. We think that originally there might’ve been a fireplace in here. There’s what appears to be an old chimney on the other side of the wall that they capped off when they replaced the roof with a metal one. It’ll make the rain sound neat if it ever rains again. It hasn’t rained since some time in June.

The front door is new and sealed up well, but the old back door has gaps all around it and so we need to weather-strip it. Neither door has a screen door which kind of sucks. We should be able to open the front living room window when the weather’s nice because that seems to be the only one with a well-sealed screen, and as small as this place is, it should air out nicely with the fan going.

As much as I’ve always hated old places with molding around the doors, the moldings are great for added knickknack space as long as the items are small like Barbies. I have tons of them over the bedroom, bathroom and closet doors and they look cool. A bit high, but cool just the same. The bedrooms are only a couple of degrees cooler than the other rooms, unlike at the duplex where you had a 10-degree difference between the bedroom and living room when the sun was beating on the bedroom window.

Another negative is that there’s no doorbell which could mean having to deal with the sales and religious pests knocking on the door. If they get to be a problem I’ll put a sign up.

The carpet is the exact same color of denim blue as what we had in the Maricopa house, though it’s denser and coarser. I don’t like it because it’s too dark and doesn’t hide lint or anything well at all. It hides the wrong things like the spiders I want to kill such as the big black one that was in here last night.

The kitchen floor is new and there aren’t any ugly dark oak cabinets. Some are that whitewash I like, but others are of old off-white paint. The cabinet and counter space sucks. I’m lucky if I have 3’ of counter space. I don’t know if the freezer is self-defrosting, but it’s newer and you don’t have to go through the refrigerator to get to the freezer. The oven’s a pleasant surprise, though, because while it has no window in its door or a working timer, it’s self-cleaning!

As small as it is in here, we’ll save a ton of money till some rude asshole drives us out. Yes, I hate it because it’s such a small, old dump, but I love it, too. There’s no comparison between heating 600 square feet with gas and 1000 with electric heaters. Not paying for gas for the truck helps, too.

We agreed to spend a little money, like $30, sometime this week at some of the shops downtown (we’re right on the edge of downtown). I saw some of the shops yesterday as we walked to Safeway for groceries. Some had incense and oils.

We still plan to get one of those cash cards so we can do things online like DVDs, Webshots, and premium membership for the sweeps, but not until we get back online. We were supposed to be online the day we moved, but they fucked up and didn’t get to us. This made us $20, though, which they guarantee to those they don’t get to on time. They’re coming tomorrow instead. If Charter fails us again, we’ll call Quest and get a DSL line. It’s faster than satellite but slower than cable, so I hope Charter shows up. As pissed as I am to lose a few days of entries, it gives me a chance to update my journal and write letters. I haven’t heard from Bob in ages, so I want to give him the new address in case he’s still alive. I want to write to Mary, of course, and Paula too, whom I got a letter from the day before we moved.

Although Safeway’s not as nice as Albertson’s because they don’t have as big of a variety and are more expensive, we’re closer to a wider variety of stores.

At one point Saturday evening, a really loud car stereo went by. Tom recognized the driver as being a coworker of his named Jesse and said he’d ask him to turn it down. I told him not to bother. People don’t get those things to be asked to turn them down. This street is still way quieter than Shasta was.

Later…

Tom dropped off the keys today and Pam said she stopped by the duplex earlier (I wonder if she heard the dog and TV). She never said anything about who was going in there next. Tom said he was worried she’d mention my stomping for the bitch. He would be paranoid about that, too. She just commented that we left it clean, but we still need to pay for the carpet cleaning, so I guess we’ll lose about $40 from our deposit. She never mentioned the oil in the garage so that’s good. Besides, it’s just a garage so who cares? I’m just glad she didn’t go there while its door was open and the front door was unlocked!

I think I’m going to win again on the 31st if I haven’t already because I had another win dream last night. I dreamt I won some beauty supplies, though I know that doesn’t mean that that’s what I’ll win. I didn’t win a giant doghouse (thank God) like I did in the last win-dream premonition. I just hope it isn’t a book. I want something good this time around. If I can’t get millions or a trip to Hawaii, I’ll take the $500 Visa gift card any day!

Right before we moved, around the time I had planned to, I told Tom of the letters I sent the folks and Tammy as a way of being “nice” without having to be buddies with them. I explained the tall tales I told them, not caring if they disbelieved them, just in case they may decide to leave me anything, but I don’t think they’ll leave me shit. They give thousands of dollars to their shit son for his business, but they let me live in the slums, so that alone tells me something right there. I told him I waited to tell him about it figuring he’d be paranoid they’d sic the pigs on me, though I never gave them the address per orders of the so-called witness protection program we’re in, my excuse to not contact them regularly. Instead, he actually got quite a kick out of it, though he doubts it’ll work. I doubt it too, but I thought I’d at least give it a shot.

I can feel the change in the air as the seasons change. Summer’s ending almost as fast as it began. It was 10º cooler in here today. It’ll be down in the 60s in here for sure by morning, so I’m going to set up the portable heater in the bedroom later on.

We can leave the kitchen blinds open on the side because there’s an apple tree in front of that window that gives us good privacy.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 26, 2005 Our last full day with Fat Pat and her beast has arrived! They let me sleep until I wanted to get up. Strangely enough, though, I have yet to see or hear from them today. She didn’t even have company and I haven’t heard the TV in days. The last time we saw her was late yesterday afternoon bringing in boxes of groceries. No wonder she’s so damn fat!

I’m surprised I’m still holding the schedule without a fight. I thought that by Wednesday it’d be a real struggle.

I did most of the final cleaning. I scrubbed the bathroom, vacuumed what spots I could, and put Blondie in the small wire cage he used in the motels. He’ll be moved over there on my lap since I don’t want him moving in the back of an open pickup. I’m sure he’d be fine as he’s a brave fella, but I’d rather he go with me. Because the cage is only a square foot, he’s sitting with me right now on this table. He’s actually asleep now. He’s so adorably cute! It’s sad to know he’s about two years old now.

Tom said he believes we’ll feel like we’re in a house during all of the winter and 90% of the summer. That I’ve got to see. As soon as the noise curse sends us the trouble it always does, I’m going to complain to Pam 10 times a day if that’s what it takes to get her to do something about it. If not, I’ll terrorize them out of there myself somehow.

We both agree that since we moved low class the last two times, we’re going first class to California. No cramming into tight spaces and driving old junkers. We’re going to rent a U-Haul. A 14’ U-Haul from here to Sacramento is only $181. If we can save up $2500, we can save an additional couple hundred bucks that’d be well worth it.

Tom should be very late today because he’s going to cash his check, pick up the keys right after work, then go do the walk-through and check off the checklist. Then he’ll go to a coworker’s house who’s having a yard sale soon to see if he’s got any furniture we could use. The guy said he’d just let him have whatever he wants, but he’s going to give him $20. After the guy drives him over with whatever he may get, he’s going to cash his check and go to K-mart for some additional boxes so we don’t have to play dump-it-and-reload-it and hold Eddie up longer than necessary because he too, is only getting $20.

Tom thinks there’s going to be a lease, but I’m beginning to have my doubts. Why hasn’t anyone mentioned it yet? I think that because we’ve been with this management company for nearly a year now, they won’t lease us. I hope not, but we’ll soon find out who’s right.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 25, 2005 I was wrong in saying I’d never again be woken up by the dog. I awoke having to pee just before 5:00. It wasn’t till around 6:00 before I finally fell back asleep. About 15 minutes later, I thought I heard a knocking sound of some kind. Then 15 minutes after that as I was dozing off again, hoping to sleep till the alarm went off at 7:00, the dog barked. By the time I jumped up to look out the window, the rude bitch had pulled the beast in. It didn’t matter. I was furious! I fired up my computer and have been blasting her out ever since, only just now turning it off till the fucking thing starts up again, just to give my own ears a break. Or ear, I should say. I was sure to slam cabinets, too.

An hour and a half later, the red pickup came. While it was here, I could hear the dog barking inside the back door wanting to be let out. It dashed out once the door was opened and barked some more, and again they pulled it in rather fast.

The red pickup took off an hour later. I thought that was fast and wondered if they were tired of my music, and hoped the bitch would soon follow. Instead, however, the bitch simply turned the van around to the tune of the dog barking at the front door and backed it up and the red pickup was back a few minutes later. I was hoping the bitch and beast would get the hell out for the day, but that didn’t happen. Instead, the pickup left an hour later and the bitch put out her sun tea I wish Tom was here to piss in. Right before noon and right as I expected, I saw the dog sitting on the steps. I figured it would be there for hours, unless, perhaps, the sound of me opening the back door made her nervous. Well, it seems like it just might’ve done just that because the dog disappeared shortly afterward. Maybe, just maybe, it’s finally hit her that she’s really pushing it with the dog, and sooner or later someone’s going to kill it. Believe me, I wanted so badly to take the honor of doing so myself! And of beating the snot out of her, too!

I just heard a weird noise from over there, but can’t say what it was.

She still hasn’t gotten her shit off the line or put everything back on her patio. It’s a “presence” thing, no doubt, that she wants to rub into me and feel like she’s reinforcing. And also no doubt, I won’t be allowed to go to bed earlier tonight. It’s watering day, so I’m sure they’ll be out there from around 5 or 6 till 7 or 8.

Yesterday the fucking bitch was gone for 5 hours. During one of the barking fits, I opened the door to yell at it. It scurried over to its patio. It knew I was pissed, alright! I was surprised they didn’t hang out in the evening, but it wasn’t very hot. Anyway, she pulled in as I was out watching Tom load some stuff into the truck from the garage. Sure enough, she shut her blinds as soon as she got inside.

Since we’ll be out of here Saturday morning, it is so, so nice to know that I only have a day and a half left of her shit to deal with! Then it’s on to new shit, and believe me, I already know 4 things about our new neighbor. 1. She’s on disability and always home. 2. She has tons of company. 3. She’s crazy. 4. She’s a rude bitch who’ll come off as kind and considerate when she forces us to have to meet when she gets on our nerves with the noise, be it from her own car stereo or those of her visitors. What we really have to worry about (besides dogs ending up in the big yard on the other side) is some lazy freeloader moving in there. A small place wouldn’t stop them from having tons of company. Those things are like Houdini in that they can easily cram themselves into tight spots with no problem at all. A young guy, be it a college student or not, could also be trouble.

I pulled the foil out of the window by mom and daughter and God knows who else that’s over there, and deflated my exercise ball after working out, as tired as I am. I hope I’m well-rested enough for tomorrow’s cleaning spree, and then on Saturday for the move. All I’m doing tomorrow, though, is the bathroom and kitchen sink. I’ll be vacuuming on Saturday when most of the shit is out of here. I’ll be making sure she knows it, too! The oven’s clean and the freezer will defrost itself when we turn it off before we leave. I just hope there’s no problem with him getting the keys tomorrow and with Eddie on Saturday! It’s good to know Steve’s on backup for Monday, but I don’t want two extra days of dealing with this place! I want Tom to ring her doorbell so badly before he leaves! No, I want him to ring it earlier. Like when he gets up at 4:00.

I bet the bitch got evicted from wherever she came from. She moved in here with patio furniture, a grill, and shit like that. This tells me she came from either a house or another duplex. Why would you move from a house to a duplex or from one duplex to another in the same town? She never mentioned having noisy neighbors, but she obviously must not mind noise that much with a dog as loud as she’s got.

The good news of the day (yes there is good news, I’m happy to say), is that Tom emailed me from his cell phone to tell me he was working overtime and to ask what I wanted at the store that he plans to stop at on his way home. I was so happy to hear about the overtime! So happy! I didn’t expect it so soon and didn’t know if they were all talk at work about that or what. He had told me a few days ago that he was hopeful of getting overtime first, then a raise as high as $9 an hour. He’s at $7.60 now. That’d be quite a turnaround as cursed as we’ve been financially! Continuing to make what he does now would greatly decrease our chances of getting out of this state next year. Well, I’m a pessimist, so I don’t want to get my hopes up too high anyway. Especially about the raise, even though the company itself is doing way, way better financially. They just got some huge orders and the boss’ father who recently died was loaded, from what I hear. It’s a family-owned business, and these two sisters had a falling out that could benefit Tom greatly. I guess one quit because of all the money their father left. The other, who still wanted to make a go of the business, got so pissed off that she changed the locks, swearing that her sister would never work there again.

If he could make a couple of hundred bucks extra a month, that’d help us tremendously!

Guess I’ll sign off before visitor #2 arrives. I haven’t been able to concentrate on my story, letters or anything but sweeping. It’s been dead quiet over there since the pickup left. Not even the drone of the TV can be heard, so she’s probably under the headphones, figuring I’d be blasting her out all day. Well, just as soon as the fucking 4-legged beast goes off, which could be any minute now, I’ll be right back at it!

The shithead just left and it looks like she either took the dog with her or left it inside.

Later…

Well, the dog’s out there now. I don’t know if she did leave it out after all or if she came back, parked in the garage, then threw it out. I think she’s still gone. Again, that’s bold. Really, really bold. You’re not only opening yourself up to complaints, but you’re risking your dog’s safety sticking it where your very pissed-off neighbor can get to it.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 24, 2005 I was hoping I could go till close to noon till I had to hear the dog, but I had to hear it at 8:00. She had to hear from me too, though. She hasn’t had company yet, but she took off and left the dog in back. It’s barked twice already, and it’s taken me all I’ve got to restrain myself from doing something. I want to empty its water bucket… open the gate… bash its head… do something! I swear this sick bitch doesn’t know just how lucky she is we’re moving!

Meanwhile, I got the $4 royalty check, so the sweatshirt must be on its way. I hope it gets forwarded if it doesn’t arrive before we move. We’re going to see if I can open an account after the move.

A few people down in Arizona will be fuming up a storm if they haven’t already gotten my letter. I just hope God wouldn’t be so cruel as to have it misdelivered! I would have preferred them to care enough to send the money we need, but it feels good to have done something. I feel like I got to speak my mind in the end after so long of being insulted and angry at these assholes and having to be polite and silent about it. I finally “fought back,” even if I’d have preferred to give them more than just words. A lot more.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 23, 2005 All was pleasant till 11:00, then things were anything but pleasant. They still aren’t, and who knows how many more barking sprees I’ll have to deal with today. The dog’s no longer out in the early mornings due to the cooler weather, but it’s been making up for lost time in the afternoons. It’s been out for 4 hours now, and I’m sure it’s got 4 more to go.

I was pissed thanks to yesterday evening’s barking, so all through the morning, I blasted my music without waiting for an excuse from them to do so. I laughed when I first saw her outside because I figured I had run her out of her place. I could be wrong. Maybe she’d have come out to hose down and rearrange her patio anyway, but I got the feeling that she was like, “Okay, if you can’t hear me, you’ll at least see me.” It was like she wanted to insult me with her presence or something by taking over every inch of the backyard save for our patio. So she threw all her shit on the grass, hosed down her patio, then sat smoking at a table while the dog barked at next door.

Then in the early afternoon a white car I’d never seen before visited for about an hour while the dog would bark at the back door every 15 minutes or so, ignored. At first I didn’t want to blast the music and take my frustrations out on the company, but I was too pissed to care. Actually, I was hoping the company would find it annoying and leave, but I don’t think it made a difference where they were concerned. Again I’m sure the company didn’t say something like, “Well, if you would just pull the dog in, maybe she’d turn the music down. Think about it, Pat. It’s got to be horribly annoying to the girl.”

If it were me, that’s what I’d have said. Whoever they were, they left shortly before Tom got in and then she started putting some shit back on the patio.

Saturday can’t come fast enough! I know I’ll just be trading in the dog for car doors and maybe stereos too, but I think that may be better. And damn God to hell for the millionth time for doing this to me every single fucking place I go! The next time we’re thrown back in time and forced to live in a duplex, it’s going to have garages in between.

Later…

The split bitch and its beast went inside around 3:00, but she tossed the dog back out a few hours later. The yard still has some of her shit in it and she’s still got these hideous sheets or mattress pads on the line. I wonder if she’ll finish up tonight or save it for tomorrow. I have to see her every day no matter what. She’s like most folks with the hear-me/see-me obsession. She wants to remind anyone she can that she exists. As much company as she has, she must be pretty lonely due to how fat, ugly and crazy she is. She’s no doubt going to be celibate for the rest of her life, let alone single. All I know is that I’m going to be more obnoxious than her dog could ever be until she’s just a memory come Saturday!

MONDAY, AUGUST 22, 2005 They didn’t end up hitting the back till a couple of hours after they got in and they were quiet. Today the red pickup visited, then she went out for a few hours. I heard only a few barks so far.

I noticed that the TV was off after blasting my music where it was on before. Well, since I doubt she’d turn the TV off just so she can hear the beat of it really well, I assume it’s because she dives under her headphones. Good. Let her know what it’s like being forced to do that if you don’t want to have to listen to other people’s noise!

Last night I had a dream that Tom was counting money and said, “We are really busting through!” My dream self somehow knew that his saying this meant that we were doing well. Could something up there be letting me know we’ll be ok? Or is it a tease?

Later…

Tom feels pretty certain he’s about to get either a raise, more overtime, or both since he’s now in a position to do some badly needed computer work for them. I guess this is just a company that’s been in the dark for so long and the more they see how easily he could upgrade their system and save them money, the more interested they are in him. He’s been proving himself little by little, showing them what he can do. As long as they pay him for his time and work unlike what BOA would do in the end there. I hate to see him used. I don’t mind if someone profits from helping us; it’s when they profit at our expense that I have a problem with it.

They gave him some computer parts today, including a fan. His fan recently went out so he needs one. He also may be able to make my music computer faster once we get moved.

In other news, we may get the truck towed for free. A guy at work has an AAA card, so he can simply say that he needs a vehicle towed. They won’t check to see that it’s not his vehicle.

Lastly, a kid he works with used to live in the house we’re moving into. He says it was an ok house and that the gas stove in the living room does a good job of heating the place.

I have to see any of this shit happen to believe it despite the dream I had. It’s just the pessimist in me. Seeing is believing for me, so I can’t believe that we’re going to get free towing and a raise or overtime. I just can’t. Not unless it actually happens.

Another weird coincidence is that I’ve heard that cinnamon incense is supposed to draw money. Well, I just got a variety pack at the grocery store that contained cinnamon and then he finds out he could be in for more money at work. I still don’t want to get my hopes up, though, till I see anything actually happen.

We’re back to thinking the ear pain, which has backed off a bit after being an annoyance for over a week, is the tooth next to the one that just cracked up on me. It has a huge black spot of decay and I felt pains up in the jaw by the root, which is obviously inflamed. I hope it hurries up and dies!

Here goes the fucking dog at the fence while the blimp tends to her watering obsession.

Later…

The dog was just going off by the fence when I was in the bathroom and I heard the younger chick next door go, “Hey, hey, hey,” in what appeared to be an annoyed tone of voice. Just maybe they will complain if they haven’t already, but no amount of complaints will stop this sick bitch from leaving it out to bark. Only an eviction would do that and even then I’m sure the courts would literally have to come and physically drag them out.

I’m seriously wondering if she’s so out of her mind that she has amnesia spells. She really seemed to have no idea who the hell I was when I asked when her company was to leave. Yes, some people just don’t care and can change overnight like this one. And yes some people are really good at tuning out others and being so deep in their own little world that they forget they’re not the only ones around, but there really didn’t seem to be a flicker of recognition whatsoever that day. Obviously, she must at least remember bits and pieces to have tossed the puzzle over here like she did, but she’s just insane. Not just rude, but insane as hell! What I wonder is just how insane and rude is our new neighbor going to be.

I just got up to pee again and this time I could hear her frantically calling for “Sadie.” If the bitch could lie about telling me that she doesn’t leave the dog outside alone for long periods of time, and about not wanting problems with neighbors, then she was probably full of shit when she said the dog would chase animals down but would never kill them.

Later…

They just finished watering the entire yard, and the piece of shit on 4 legs went off on next door again. This time she came and got it, but that was only because she was ready to go inside. Just 4 more days!

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21, 2005 We walked to the store again and got rid of the rest of the bottles and picked up a few more things.

Meanwhile, the rude bitch tossed the dog out in the late afternoon yesterday like I knew she would, but it was quiet. I haven’t seen or heard it today. Yet. She’s gone now and she took the fucking thing with her.

Yesterday, Tom pulled the truck out and I got a kick out of how she ran and shut her blinds once she saw us, though I never actually saw her. I just noticed that the blinds started off being open and eventually they closed. I’m sure it had to do with my being out there, too. It’s not the first time she’s done this. When I was going in and out when he was working on his bike one day, she closed them then, too. Guess I must be quite an eyesore for her! She reminds me so much of Andi. I can’t understand how people can take such offense to such things as being asked when your company is to be leaving after they’ve been carrying on like hell. I mean, what do they expect? That’d be like my vandalizing people’s property and getting pissed when people called the pigs on me for doing so.

Anyway, I made it a point to be annoying right back, stomping my feet, running hard, etc. God help her during this final week to come! She is going to be in for one wild and rocking week!

He pulled the truck out so he could sprinkle sawdust on the oil leak to soak it up. He also went through some odds and ends out there. Along with the driveway being alongside our new house, it kind of sucks that there won’t be a garage or a cellar. I just hope there’s a doorbell! If not people will be knocking up a storm.

Tom said that if worse came to worse and Eddie bailed out on us (or there was a death in his family), he’d ask a guy named Steve to help us move on Monday. I still hope Saturday’s our last day here! Tom will probably bike back on Sunday, though, to touch up any final spots on the bathroom mildew we started spraying and shit like that.

Tom says he loves riding his bike so much that he’d gladly keep on riding even if we had a car and free gas to go with it. He says he may not have gotten skinny, since like me, he likes to eat, but he sure does feel a whole lot better. He has lost some weight, and he does appear to have more energy.

Later…

What was a nice, peaceful day, save for next door’s shrilly cat cooing, is now over. The bitch and beast just pulled in. She left shortly after we got back from the store and was gone for over 6 hours, the longest I’ve ever known her to be gone. As soon as I saw her pull in just now, I escaped under the headphones. It’s just that I know they’re going to waste no time hitting the back and I don’t want to hear it. I just don’t. I’d rather let her hear from me over the next 5 days, and I assure you she will! In fact, I’ll make sure she hears more from me than I have from her and that shit dog in the entire 4 months we’ve had to live with them. At least most of the day is over. Anything goes, for the next few hours, but by then it should be pretty dead around here, save for next door’s doors. I won’t be ready for bed till around 9:00 anyway, so that much is good, along with knowing that this particular dog will never again wake me up.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 20, 2005 Again the blimp took off, leaving the dog to bark in back at next door. I wanted to kill it so bad! Does this bitch not only want to get evicted but want someone to do something to her dog, too? Does she just think she’s invincible because she’s on disability? She’s so like the Mexicans were. At least the blacks backed off every now and then, but the Mexies were so take-it-to-the-max, push-it-to-the-limit no matter what the consequences and so is she. I’d bet just about anything that she’d keep on annoying people even if she knew for sure that it would get her evicted. Yes, she’d get evicted to spite me, just like the Mexicans would’ve died for me. They’d so gladly have given their lives up for me just to annoy the shit out of me. It would’ve been totally worth it to them, and people like that are a bit scary. The more time passes and the crazier I see she is, that only makes it all the more nerve-wracking. This is the kind of person who would shoot someone and gladly give up her freedom forever for doing it. God help the next person in here and God help that dog if they get as fed up as we are. The only reason I haven’t harmed the fucking thing is that we’re moving and I can’t get away with shit. But sooner or later you’d think she’d push the wrong person too far with either the TV or the dog.

The sick bitch was waving the sprinkler around in back watering the leaves of a young tree yesterday evening. Like that’d do it any good, huh? It also watered the rosebush it killed.

She pulled the beast in when she got in, but they’ll be back later. They live out there. What’s she gonna do when she goes out in the winter, leave it out to shiver in the freezing cold? I’m glad I won’t be here then to find out! I would say that I don’t like it when she leaves, knowing she just tosses it out like that, but had it barked with her around, she still wouldn’t have done anything about it. She simply ceased to care one day a few weeks or so before she had that wild company. Why, I don’t know, but crazy people are hard to figure so I won’t even try. All I know is she’s a total opposite-doer. “If I leave the dog out long periods, I’m with her,” really means, “I leave the dog out long periods and ignore her.” And “I don’t want any problems with neighbors” really means, I don’t care if there are problems with neighbors.”

It’s ok. I still intend to email Pam quite an earful. It’s nice that Tom briefly mentioned it, but I’d like to give her the nitty-gritty details of just how horrible she’s made life for us here all by myself after we’ve moved and the nut can’t whip out a gun and shoot us for it or do some crazy shit like that. Yes, I could probably take her, but she’s too crazy to chance messing with.

And I thought Bev was the nut of this place!

Meanwhile, we walked to the store and took a bag of bottles in, too. We’ve got another bag of bottles to bring in tomorrow and one of cans, too. We’ll only get a few bucks worth of deposit money from them, but any bit helps.

I’m both excited and nervous about the move. That damn driveway is what really spoils the excitement. It’s what’s going to take any of the fun of being in a house right out of it like in Phoenix. I know she’s either going to come and go like crazy or have a ton of company or both and that the fan won’t be able to cover it. The question is, do I just let her wake me up whenever she happens to wake me up? Or do I sleep in the living room after a few wake-up calls? We are just so doomed no matter where we go! Well, at least I am. Tom can pretty much sleep through anything, so I’m the one that’s got to deal with it. I’m just glad we won’t be able to hear TVs, footsteps and things like that. No one will be able to complain about my music either. I’m still a bit nervous like most people are when moving to a new place. As rude as these people are around here, at least I know their habits, routines and what they’re all about.

Meanwhile, the queen’s letter is off and running. She should have it by Wednesday, 5 days before her birthday. What a lovely birthday present it’ll make!

I want to work on my story, but I’m too excited about the upcoming move to concentrate. As exciting as it is, I wish to hell we could settle down for a decade or more in an ideal place. It’ll never happen, though, never happen.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 19, 2005 They ended up having a barbecue, though I never heard a thing since there were no screaming animals. Just a few barks and bangs. One of them appeared to be the elephant which may be her son. I didn’t get a good look at the lady in the silver car. What was the occasion that these people could take off for a barbecue in the middle of a Thursday afternoon?

I’m sure the blimp was quick to tell them what a rude neighbor she has for asking when her loud and obnoxious company was to leave, and of course they no doubt were like, you poor thing, having to put up with that. No one would’ve dared side with me or make excuses for my request by saying, “But Patty, having screaming kids and barking dogs that close to one’s window would get a little old. How would you like it?”

No dog yet today, but it’s cooler, so that’s probably why. No company yet either, although with all the company she had yesterday, I would think that even she would want a break that extended past just the weekend.

Tom said our next neighbor’s car was gone when he left work yesterday. Ah, out for a 5-minute run to the store? How I wish she did work 2nd or 3rd shift! Especially 3rd because that’d mean she’d need to sleep most of the day, and working company into that kind of a schedule would be hard, though I’m sure she’s jobless. No matter how many people are in the household next to ours, there’s always at least one person who’s home all the time. I just don’t understand how those on disability or welfare can afford cars.

We’re back to having 8 days to go since Eddie, Tom’s coworker, the one we sometimes pass on our walks, is going to be the one to move us on Saturday, the 27th. He says he’s sure we can rely on him (so long as there are no deaths in his family) because he’s the Fran type. Meaning, he’ll do anything for someone just to chat and buddy up with them. I guess he’s lonely and likes to be sociable when he can. As sad as it is to know that coworkers care more about us than family, at least someone gives a shit and is willing to help us.

Like I said, maybe I was all wrong about California. Maybe something wants us to stay in Oregon cuz I hate it here. Why plan on a house in California anyway? We’ll only end up in a duplex just like we did here. Nothing’s ever what we plan it. I know we’ll never live in the country again anyway. I’m as sure of it as I am sure we’ll always be poor and struggling, dealing with one problem after another and with one rude, noisy neighbor after another.

This weekend I’ll be mailing the queen’s letter which Tom says she won’t even know about because Miss Perfect will keep it a secret from her. Is that what she’s been doing all along; reading her mail before she decides whether or not it’s suitable for her sensitive eyes to read herself? If this is true, did she keep the last letter a secret? I find it hard to believe she’ll be able to keep this one a secret. People love to discuss it when Jodi S pisses them off and pissed they’ll be! I don’t care if they run to the cops with the letter either, and I told them so. I’m sure she’ll be quick to email Tom all about how terrible I am for sending it or maybe even snail-mailing something since they don’t have our current number, but that’s fine. As I told them, they’ve abandoned us and now we’ve abandoned them. Therefore, we’ll just ignore them. I knew the moment they said “no more” when we were still up on the mountain that we’d never seen an inheritance anyway. I’m sure it’ll either all go to Mary and Dave or to charity if it isn’t split between the two.

Well, I’m not there so I can’t say for sure that Miss Perfect hasn’t been reading the queen’s mail before deciding whether or not she can read it herself, but I would be surprised if Miss Perfect kept the letter a secret from her even if she did based on the simple fact that people love to discuss it when Jodi S pisses them off. And add things in too, of course. Watch, they probably will email or snail mail us saying it was full of threats. People are like that. If you get pissed at someone that called you an asshole, why not say they punched you, too? It’s like with the Mexicans and how they told the cops I called them racial slurs that I didn’t. That’s just a crutch they always use and a card they always play. Nonetheless, the point is the same. Just like no one ever defends me against those who fuck me over or piss me off, and just like they always play down or make excuses for whoever they are, people love to discuss me. I never realized just how interesting a human being I was till I got older, but trust me, I am truly fascinating! I make for a very fun and entertaining topic of discussion, LOL.

Later…

The elephant was here briefly in the early morning. Just when I thought the rest of the day would be free of company, a gold car I’ve never seen before pulls up and I can hear the sound of running. Unless it was her running to the door, an animal’s over there, and I’m sure they’ll make their way out back any minute for today’s barbecue and even the sun tea she’s got out there. I just don’t get this having company 2-3 times a day!

Oh, it’s leaving. That sure was fast. What is she doing next door? Selling drugs? Unless they’re running out for more charcoal or whatever, I guess what I heard was her running to the door. I heard it at the same time the dog went off, which is the first I’ve heard of it today. There’s no comparison between how loud it is outdoors versus indoors. I could live next to the thing a lot easier if it never went outdoors.

Ok, so that was visitor #2. We’ve got one more to go. Who’s next? The red pickup or the silver car? Hopefully not a white car carrying 3 animals! I cannot believe they haven’t returned. I really can’t. They must’ve been out-of-towners for sure. Besides, they were a little decked out from what I could tell. Not counting the weekend, the only days she doesn’t have company, I’ve got 5 more days of living with her, her dog, and her company! I know I’ll have to deal with the new bitch’s company, but that’s ok because I’ll at least never feel their footsteps and they aren’t going to be out barbecuing.

Later…

What a nerve that bitch has. She just left in her van and left the dog out back. Now that’s bold. Really damn bold. Oh, how I wanna run out and smash its head with a pan or a hammer or something! If she only knew the thoughts I have! She’d never leave it out then, that’s for sure.

Tom ought to go out back and bark with Eddie while I’m doing the final vacuuming on our way out of here. How funny it would be if someone moved in here with a dog of their own and it attacked hers!

Later…

The rude bitch is still gone and so the dog’s still out back. Meanwhile, Tom’s gone to cash his check, get us a pizza, and I got a surprise win! The doghouse win dream was a warning. We heard the mailman toss something by the door and it was a weight-loss book. I’ll either use it for credit at a bookstore or try to sell it at a yard sale. I won it on July 31st. The 31st is when they seem to get me, but that’s not surprising cuz that’s when most sweeps expire. It was a 1½-star daily sweep, and there were 4 other winners. We were right about a pre-moving win, after all. We just thought they’d tell me about it via email and confirm the address. I hope there are no surprises mailed to this address after we move that may not get forwarded.

That’s the second barking fit. Oh, I wanna kill it so bad! If we weren’t able to move anytime soon I wouldn’t hesitate to do so. This bitch doesn’t know just how lucky she is!

THURSDAY, AUGUST 18, 2005 I started to get psyched up realizing that since the new neighbor will be home all the time since we absolutely must live with the disabled and the lazy, there won’t be as many car doors if days pass without her going anywhere, but her company will make up for it. It’s those who are home all the time that have a lot of company. Those that work don’t want to be bothered by people as much. They want to just relax alone after being with people all day.

There were a few minor barks so far today, but still enough to annoy me and enough to make her deserve to hear a little from me in return. Miss Red Pickup is over there now. I’ve been hearing a few scattered bumps and bangs. I wonder if this person could be the housekeeper, but no one needs their place cleaned a few times a week unless she’s that big of a slob.

I just hope the new neighbor will let me sleep in the bedroom! Thanks, God, for blessing me with this sleeping/schedule problem. You’re so kind and wonderful.

I hope even more that she doesn’t have a kick-ass car stereo. Complaining would do us no good. People don’t get those kinds of stereos to be told to turn them down.

Anyway, the move is on for the 26th. I don’t know if we’ll be going by U-Haul or a coworker, but it’s looking like we at least won’t be forced to license the truck. Pam scared him for a minute there by saying, “Let me see if she’ll hold it that long.” Tom remained calm while she called the owner, but was remembering that she originally mentioned holding it till the 1st. Fortunately for us, the owner said she’d hold it because we don’t have much more time left to get another place.

Sometimes I still think it’d be neat to have a dog of our own with a doggie door, but we move every few months to every few years, so a dog would just be a real nuisance. They’re just too damn noisy anyway.

Later…

The elephant is over there now. At least I think it is. I can’t tell for sure if it’s an adult with a heavy gait or a kid. The car looks like it may be the same one who spent the night two nights ago, but I can’t see enough of it this time around to be sure. It’s pulled way up which makes me think they’ll be staying a while.

Eight days and counting!

Later…

Damn! What is it with this bitch and company? This is as much company as the freeloaders would have. There’s a silver car there now. Bev didn’t even have this much company and 90% of it was the same guy. How can all these people afford to come visit her in the middle of a workday? Does anyone else other than Tom work in this damn town? At least there doesn’t appear to be any animals over there. I’m surprised no one’s out back. It’s nice out right now. If it’s just adults, though, it shouldn’t be a problem. It’s the fucking kids and the way they scream bloody murder at the tops of their lungs that’s a problem. Meanwhile, the dog is out back and sure to be ignored if it decides it wants in.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17, 2005 The blimp was out till 1:30 yesterday, so all was peaceful. However, when Tom just went to get the mail, he saw a car parked next door, which had obviously been there all night, and I’m like, oh no! I knew it was a matter of time before she had overnight company, and while we may be gone by the 26th, I don’t want to have to deal with her till then any more than I already do!

Later…

Now that it’s light I can see that it’s the same car driven by a huge lady that visited not too long ago. The cooler’s out back again too, so they probably hung out back yesterday evening. Whoever they are, they couldn’t have arrived before 6:00. They were up as early as 5:30 from what I could make out. The car’s plates are in-state. Wouldn’t it be nice if they were gearing up for a week’s vacation? I know better, though.

Meanwhile, we’re probably going to be out of here on the 26th. Tom’s going to put down the deposit today.

This weekend he’s going to pull the truck out, turn it around and load up the back for towing. He’s also got to clean the garage floor of oil that leaked out. I just did the oven, so that’s one less thing either of us has to do. Surprisingly, the stuff I used didn’t stink.

The good news is that there are no application fees to pay. We didn’t know if this owner required their own application or what. Pam also didn’t bring up the subject of a lease, and of course we’d prefer not to have one. I like knowing we have easy escapes.

The bad news is that the reason the house with the big yard is unkempt is that he’s pretty sure it’s empty. There’s no for-rent or for-sale sign up just yet, but I’m sure the Brady bunch and their two German Shepherds will move in as soon as we do. There’s no way anyone would buy or rent a place with a yard that big without kids, and especially without dogs.

I may not need the AC at all today. It came down to 76º in here on its own and is only to be 79º today with isolated T-storms that I know we won’t be fortunate enough to get. The constant rain we had in May was nice because it kept things quieter around here. No one, including the dog, hung outside, though lately, I haven’t heard much from next door. Just scattered door slams.

For the first time since late June or early July, the windows are showing signs of fog.

Tom says not to assume the car doors will shake the bedroom and not be able to be fanned out because older places are built differently. This is true, though I doubt I’ll be able to sleep in the bedroom. I decided to give it 3 wake-up calls before I moved the bed into the living room and hope that any future dogs or screaming kids on that side don’t wake me up in there.

It’s coming up on 7:00 a.m. which means the dog should be tossed out any minute. The question is, will she allow it to come back in when it barks at the door? It’s not very likely when she has company, and there’s no saying how long this chick will be staying with her.

Last night I dreamt that I won a giant doghouse. Is this a sign of a win to come real soon? So far all I get is other people’s win notifications. I hate that when they do that, and I’m like, now why are they emailing me to congratulate some other winner? I don’t care if Kristen K from Texas won, I care if I won!

Later…

A sign of the end times here for sure. The car was gone by 9:30 when they came to mow. By noon her van was gone. Meanwhile, I haven’t seen or heard from the dog. A seemingly healthy dog wouldn’t suddenly up and die, so I don’t know what’s up with it, not that I’m complaining. I’m sure I’ll hear from it soon enough, though.

Later…

The blimp is back and it’s blasting the TV. No sign of the dog. How amazing. How utterly amazing.

Meanwhile, other people have wondered, just like myself, and have asked other members in the forums if a premium membership is really worth it. Many people replied saying yes it’s worth it, and most of their wins were from premium sweeps. So, assuming the bank will let me, I’m going to take my first $30 (I’m supposedly getting $10 a week for fun) and go premium.

Oh, shit! The fucking dog is out. What did I expect? A miracle?

TUESDAY, AUGUST 16, 2005 Tom saw the house and found it to be nicer than he anticipated, though it is old. Most of the things I vibed about it are correct. It’s a small 2-bedroom, it’s old, it’s square, there’s an old guy involved, no garage/cellar, it is fenced in back and there is a picket fence in front. But I was wrong about Triple-A not managing it and about the exterior color. It’s yellow with green trim.

Anyway, the place has a series of positives and small negatives with one big negative in the middle of it all – next door’s driveway. Next door’s place is actually a garage that’s been converted to what I guess is a 1-bedroom. The sixty-ish handyman who showed the place to Tom described her as a “young lady,” and of course her car was there. Tom rides by the place every day and he’s been seeing the car regularly. Unless she works 2nd or 3rd shift, which I very highly doubt, I’m sure she’s yet another nutty disabled person who’s home all the time. She no doubt has tons of company, too. The only reason I was curious to meet Bev and Pat was that we had to live together, but I don’t want to meet this one even if she will practically be parking on top of our beds. Not unless she does anything that forces me to have to meet her. I know she’d just come off as a kind, considerate person up front just to turn into a rude bitch overnight. If she is tolerable, then I’m sure she’ll be gone by the end of the year. I’ll bet she’s big and heavy, too. I don’t know why, but it seems the heavies love to live next to me. How I wish it could be a drug-free, good-looking gay woman! I know better, though. I know better.

What the source of the noise curse could do is have someone move in with a little kid that uses the driveway to play in since, as we were happy to learn, it is not a shared yard. I’d also worry about freeloaders, given how cheap the place must be, or a college kid with loud music/lots of company, though the town’s only college is not nearby. At least there isn’t nearly the potential for trouble there as opposed to here. Then again, there’s also that big yard on the other side. Who knows what may go on there?

If only that driveway wasn’t there! That’s the one thing that really spoils it. If anyone, be it kids or adults that are either visiting or living there, wants to hang outside on nicer days, that’s where they’ll go. It’s the only place they could go.

The handyman said the woman called to tell him there were mice in the place so he set up traps there. He also set them up in our house just in case they were there, too. Tom assured him neither of us was afraid of mice.

The layout is pretty much as we expected it to be judging by the shape and location of the windows Tom saw. The bedrooms are on the driveway side with the bathroom between them. The thing I don’t like about the bathroom is that there are doors on each side, so you have to enter from the bedrooms and not from a hallway or the living room. There is no hallway, actually. You enter the living room and the front bedroom is off to the side of it, and the kitchen’s off to the back of it. He said most of it is sort of tilted. Anyway, the kitchen’s bigger than this one. It’s an eat-in kitchen, so that’s why. It has blue carpet that’s not new, but that’s been cleaned recently. I get the feeling the previous tenants weren’t very good. The reason the yard is dead is that they wouldn’t water it. It was a couple that split up. One moved to San Diego while the other went elsewhere.

It’s also right on a canal, so we’d have to make sure we didn’t leave doors open with lights on in the warmer weather at night so we don’t get swamped with bugs.

The gas heater is in the living room and while it may radiate into the other rooms, we may use our portable heaters in the bedrooms, but they don’t draw nearly as much juice as these kick-ass wall heaters here do so that’d be ok.

He says the oven’s comparable to this one and that the refrigerator’s newer. You don’t have to open the fridge to get to the freezer like with this one, and it’s self-defrosting, unlike this one.

We could be moving in as little as 10 days from now if he can work the money out and get Pam to accommodate us in any way we may need to. If not, then we’ll be here till the 2nd.

Tom says it’s only the driveway that keeps it from being ideal. As ideal as we could get for being in the city, anyway.

Of the negatives, we have to share a garbage bin with next door, but it’s bigger, so hopefully it’ll accommodate everyone’s trash. You have to go outside to get to the utility at the back corner of the house by next door, though it’s only two steps.

Later…

I went to see Tom off to work. Meanwhile, I should have a few hours before the dog acts up, so I’ll take this time of peace to finish writing about the house.

Like I said, my only concerns are the driveway and anything else setting us back and fucking up our plans. Not just the big ones like the move to California itself, but the little ones like renting DVDs and buying small things every now and then.

Another small negative is that there are no light switches in the rooms, except for the bathroom. Instead, they have pull chains in the center of them. The bedrooms are about equal in size, but it’s hard to tell if the place is really smaller than this one because it’s laid out differently, Tom says.

Both the front and back have small covered porches towards the side where the giant yard is that’ll be perfect for my wind chimes.

Tom said it may be cool to set up the screen room next summer in the yard. That may be cool. I didn’t even know we still had the thing. It’s been sitting in the garage. We’ll have to store most of the stuff that’s been in the garage in the truck. Once it’s sold, maybe we can put stuff that isn’t of much value to us on the back porch or in the yard.

My first thought was to wish there was a clothesline, but then I said, Nah. We don’t have any king-size comforters that don’t fit well in dryers, it’d be too cold to use most of the year, and that may lure next door into using it and the rest of the yard too, although the handyman said they made a special point of letting the woman know that the yard is strictly off-limits to her.

I’ll have to wait and see the place for myself, but I guess I’m going to start off using the living room as an office and sleeping in the front bedroom while he uses the back bedroom for both a bedroom and an office. Right now I can’t imagine the car doors not vibrating the bedroom since it’s not on solid ground and the walls are of wood and not brick. If she won’t let me sleep, then I’ll swap the arrangement and hope for the best.

I don’t know what shocks me more; the fact that he learned it’s not a shared yard or the fact that two guys volunteered to help us move when he mentioned at work that he was looking for someone to tow the truck down there. I got a kick out of how one guy said he’d drive the truck down himself so that if the cops pulled him over he could just say he was thinking of buying it so he was test-driving it. The other guy said he could just drive closely behind it so the cops couldn’t get a good read on the long-expired plate. It’d be a $500 fine if he got caught driving with a dead license and an additional $300 for not having any registration or insurance, so I agree with him that it’d be better to pay $30 to have it towed than $800 in fines because you know we can’t get away with anything.

I was practically in tears yesterday on account of my ear. It’s just so frustrating dealing with the daily discomfort, not knowing for sure what the problem is, or if it’ll go away or get worse, and not being insured. This ear has been a definite curse from God! As if being the daughter of Dureen O hadn’t been enough to say anything of the areas in life I’ve been totally hexed in like sex, money, sleep/schedules and things breaking.

In some ways, our lives are still worse than they used to be. We were always broke, but not this broke. Also, we used to desire each other and we used to have a house we owned, even if one of them was in the midst of a nightmare, and we always had a vehicle to drive, even if it always broke down. Well, we won’t one day be younger, skinnier and appealing to each other, but we should own a place and have a vehicle. I just sometimes think I should actually put effort into seeking out a house I don’t want because then it’ll be harder for someone to take away from us. All I know is that the more I don’t like a particular place, the harder it is to get out of, so maybe I should paint the outside olive green, install gray carpet, and paint the interior a dull shade of yellow-gold. We couldn’t lose it that way! Especially with little Johnny screaming to the right and Spot barking to the left.

Meanwhile, so begins the beginning of the end of life on Shasta Way – finally!

Later…

Just as soon as the dog goes off which will be anytime now, I’ll put the music on.

Meanwhile, I got a letter from Mary, who was “overjoyed” and “honored” that I asked her to pray for me. Yeah, but I gotta tell her thanks, but no thanks. She’d simply be wasting her time.

She said she’ll be in an open dorm since she recently learned that if she were in Ad-Seg she would be unable to attend classes and recreation. She also sent 5 stamps so I could send a disk with her book on it to a friend in North Carolina. Of course, I only needed 3. We’re out of stamps, so we could use the extras.

MONDAY, AUGUST 15, 2005 Yesterday was quieter than it’s been in months. Not a peep from next door or the dog.

I’m working on my story now before it gets noisy with the barking. The weekend’s over, so it’s company time. I’ll blast off and do some singing just as soon as I hear from the dog. The first time should be around 8:00 or 9:00. I know it was out for an hour and a half yesterday morning, but I never heard it. She doesn’t do company on weekends, though. If it isn’t the cats, it’s the company that stirs the fucking thing up. Just another few weeks and we can swap it in for car doors and whatever else may be waiting for us down there. The question is how many turnovers will we have to deal with while we’re there? I’m not going to like them coming up to the house to get their mail either. Yet we’ve got to be the ones to deal with it because the mail carrier’s too lazy to put their box on their own house and walk the few extra steps to get to it. I just hope they don’t make a big production out of getting their mail! It’s just that most people are so damn rude and inconsiderate.

God, if you’re not going to give us decent neighbors, can’t you at least give me a drug-free, good-looking gay neighbor to play with? Can’t I at least have that if I can’t have peace?

If I wanted to feel like God listens to me, all I’d have to do would be to get down on my knees and say, “God, please make sure we have one noisy neighbor after another, and please make sure his mother never gives a damn about us again, and please make sure we always struggle amid poverty, etc.”

That’d be a done deal!

Later…

The dog went off right when I knew it would, so the split, sick bitch got to deal with me for a while. Too bad she doesn’t have another puzzle to throw over here (assuming she did that due to getting fed up with the two-way noise thing we’ve got going and sick of the competition. You know how most people are; it’s ok for them to be noisy, but not anyone else). I later heard it bark inside its place. Meanwhile, the red pickup was here for nearly two hours, and now she’s doing the sun tea thing. Not for entertaining any wild, out-of-control company, I hope, but if she must do so, she’ll have to do it to the beat of my music. I just hope the animals leave before he gets in since the loud music bothers him at times. We’ll see. She’s proven she can make sun tea just for herself, so we’ll just have to wait and see if anyone arrives. Well, I don’t always have to see. I can hear. I’m amazed she doesn’t hang clothes out there every other day. What I don’t get is why the dog needs to be let out every goddamn hour. Does it really need to piss and shit that much? Probably so, cuz she’s probably stuffing it as much as she’s stuffing herself. What much can they do with themselves anyway but eat and watch TV? Food, TV and visitors are obviously their whole lives.

If I don’t get a win notification by the 1st, I’m gonna believe the last win was just to tease me into thinking I could win every month or two, and I’ll begin to wonder just how long it’ll be before I win again.

A few more hours and Tom will be seeing our new source of noise. If it’s any consolation to myself it’s in knowing that all neighbors, both semi-bad and very bad, are only temporary. We’ll keep moving, they’ll keep moving, and nothing will be forever. Meanwhile, all I can do is hope we get more semi-bad neighbors than very bad neighbors since we can’t get anything else. He may not hear anything while he’s there, though, and things may start off quiet if we do move in there like I vibe we will. That’s how it seems to work anyway when we move or someone moves in next to us. Things start off relatively peaceful. Then just when I go to breathe a sigh of relief and wonder if I’ve lucked out for once, trouble starts.

Coming to the realization of this lifelong sentence of noise/poverty has been really hard for me. I mean, I figured as much years ago, but there’s knowing something and then there’s knowing something. It’s like losing a loved one. You accept it from the get-go, but it’s hard at first when the final realization sinks in that hey, this is the way it’s always going to be and nothing I do can change it. I hope it’ll gradually get easier to live with in time.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 14, 2005 It’s 7 AM and already the fucking dog is out. Although I don’t expect we’ll have any more 95º days which is the hottest it’s been since we’ve been in this state, it’s to be around 90º today so that probably means I’ll have to deal with the fucking beast a little more than usual. All I know is that the hotter it is, the more she leaves it out. If Pam mentioned our complaint to her, it obviously didn’t do any good, but I’m not surprised. This is the type of person who simply does not give in to complaints no matter how much leverage the person complaining may have over her. Some people are just extremists in that way.

My first instinct is to shout, “I can’t wait to move!” But why? We’re just moving in with other dogs and noise, so why get overly excited? We’re just going from one dog to another. The only difference will be that we won’t be attached to someone else’s place. By the time we get there, it’ll be nearly a year of living connected to others. I’m going to enjoy this separation as long as I can because I know better than to assume my connected days are over. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s to never assume the past won’t be back to haunt me in some way shape or form.

In fact, because I have no choice but to adapt to city life, and because it’s going to be noisy everywhere we go, I’m not going to spend my life setting up house according to the closeness of others. I want to use the bedrooms, so I’m going to use them, and to hell with the fact that their driveway runs right by them! I’ll just sleep when I sleep and deal with the wake-up calls and the distractions from the rude people around us when I’m awake.

Renting a U-Haul for the day only costs about $40 which would be about what we’d pay someone he works with to help move us, but the catch is that they require something like a $200 deposit, so I don’t know if this will be possible. It sure would be nice, though, because we know we could rely on them. Even if their mother dies. Tom’s going to check into it and see if anyone at work would be willing to help us, and get a feel for just how serious they are or if they’re just being “polite.” Yes really means no with so many people. I think that in the end we’ll be forced to license the truck simply because it’s the last thing we want to do.

God, I’m sick of being poor! Poverty really cuts your options in life down big time, but it’s just one more thing I have to accept along with noisy neighbors. Nothing we could possibly do could change either one of these things so destined to be a part of our lives.

My schedule’s at the point now where I want to push it ahead a few hours, but not so fast because the quicker I get my schedule on days, the longer I have to hold it.

Tom has an appointment after work tomorrow to see the house. The owner’s going to show it to him. For some reason, they won’t let Triple-A show it. It’s on a fast street, so that’s good. Sure you get more stereos on the streets with more traffic, but the higher speed limits keeps things moving, though it’s not as high as this street. They also keep away the potential for block parties and shit like that. Kids won’t be playing in the street, which is a one-way street.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 13, 2005 Tom had to remove my optical mouse and replace it with a roller-ball one. It too, has a scroller, but it’s not working. That’s it, God, mess with our computer stuff since we don’t have a well to fix.

The 11th St. gas house, as we’ve been calling it, is still available as I vibed it would be. I also vibe that that’s where we’ll end up. The only thing I don’t like at all is the fact that next door’s driveway runs right alongside the bedrooms which means the car doors are going to sound like gunshots in those rooms. So I may sleep in the living room and hope that the people with the huge yard next to it don’t go getting a dog if they don’t already have one. All I know is that if we move in there and they’re quiet, they’ll move and be replaced with trouble. That’s how it always works for us. Each turnover gets progressively worse. The only thing that could make the place a real nightmare would be if cars with loud stereos came and went, but we have to go somewhere to escape the killer electric bills in the winter, and we can’t live in peace anyway. If we got this house, heated by gas and so close to work, we’d save quite a bit of money.

I was kind of hoping we wouldn’t have to sign a lease because we’ve been with this company for coming up on 10 months, and so we don’t have to be trapped there if it’s bad (although, if it’s like Phoenix, I’m leaving, lease or not), but I think they’ll make us sign a 1-year lease. We can’t leave the state before a year’s up anyway, though. My vibes say we’ll leave in November of ’06.

Tom’s got it figured that right now, people think gas prices will drop soon. But because he knows they won’t, people in rural Sacramento will be putting their places on the market when they realize they won’t drop right around the time we go hunting for a place, and they’ll be really cheap. I can’t imagine anything being so kind as to line anything up in our favor like that, but we’ll see. Of course, if we ever did go rural again, we’d have to convert to a hydrogen vehicle. We could never afford the gas. Fortunately for us, most people wouldn’t have brains enough to do their own converting like we would. I still don’t think we will, though. I think we were meant to be in the city and so that’s where we’ll stay, listening to the neighbors’ dogs, kids, car doors, car stereos, basketball games, and whatever else they can sic on us.

Meanwhile, it’s not even mid-August and it’s already cooling down. I was actually cold on our 7 AM walk this morning.

I called Paula and again I got her machine, so I left a message.

Now here’s the weird news. The rude bitch next door returned the puzzle. But what’s weird about it is that we walked out to find it lying on the part of the sidewalk that meets the driveway. Why would she put it there and not on the steps? And why would she return it? I never said I wanted it back. Maybe she just doesn’t want any puzzle in her place that belonged to someone who blasts her out, but if she’d quit ignoring the dog when she had company, maybe I wouldn’t be so quick to do so. She’s still not leaving it out for long periods of time, and she goes and gets it when it goes off when she’s alone, but she still sometimes ignores it when she’s got company. This is when she gets based, though I still find it hard to believe she can hear it over that TV as loud as she plays it. On the other hand, if she were suddenly disgusted by the puzzle because it was me who gave it to her, why not just throw it out? She probably felt that returning it was her way of saying, “I don’t want your shit in my place.” She probably walked across her yard, and right as she got to the start of ours, she tossed the thing over. On the other hand, nuts like this are hard to figure, and I don’t care anyway. Three weeks or less and she’s just a memory. Both Batty Bev and Fat Pat.

As we approached August, the death vibes I had for Blondie faded, fortunately. I’ve been doing spells on him like crazy even so, and so far he seems like a healthy little guy.

Later…

Well, I take that back. She is leaving it out. It’s just that instead of leaving it out in the mornings, now that it’s cooler, she’s leaving it out later. She threw it out at 11:00 and I’m sure it’ll be there for most of the day. I’m also sure she’ll water today because she didn’t yesterday.

Oh wow, it looks like she may’ve just pulled the dog in. But will the fucking thing let me sleep today? I’ll be crashing in the late afternoon which is when it’s more likely to be out there.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 12, 2005 Been up since 9:30, and now that next door’s finally shut up, though I’d take them any day over the dog, I can write in peace.

To have the queen not care to send the $1200 is one thing, but to not send the amount for his birthday and our anniversary as usual is totally sickening! We should’ve gotten the checks cashed at a check-cashing place and just let them steal half of it. This selfish bitch of a woman, who is a pitiful excuse for a human being let alone for a mother, couldn’t piss me off anymore if she tried! Just the mere thought of her makes me want to puke and I am not going to hold back at all in the letter I’ll be sending. I meant it when I said I wasn’t going to let the sickos, who denied me my constitutional right to free speech, scare me from speaking my mind. No paranoia will seal my lips when I’ve got something to say. Sure, there are times to kiss ass, but this ain’t one of them! And I hope it makes her so sick that she does everyone a favor and drops dead, not that we’d profit from it, but I figured as much as a year ago that her money would either all go to Mary and Dave or to charity. I know the main reason she’s turned against us is that Tom no longer lives there where he’s a convenient, handy slave to the bitch’s every beck and call. This shithead doesn’t even have the decency to acknowledge the letter, even if it were just to say she’s not sending anything. I’d bet just about anything that if we called there, not that we have the slightest desire to do so, she’d deny getting the letter in the first place.

Tom said the paramedics left next door the other day too fast to not be an accident. At first I was like, how do you “accidentally” call paramedics, but then I realized she probably has one of those buttons you push that automatically dispatches them.

My first thought was to wish she would get sick for real and end up hospitalized, though that may make things worse with the dog. With my shit luck, instead of someone coming to get the dog to bring to their place, they’d come over early in the morning, toss it out back with food and water, and not return again till nighttime. It sure would make the dog easy and vulnerable prey, though.

As punishment for the dog making it hard for me to return to sleep yesterday, I hit the inside of the utility cabinet along the dividing wall real good with a hammer after Tom left. I gave it about half a dozen strikes. I didn’t want to hit the wall itself and risk damaging it. This way any nicks are inside the cabinet. After this, I gave her 4 hours of music while I bounced and swept.

Mixed in with a few scattered barks, the red pickup visited for a little over an hour, then I saw her take off fast as if she were in a hurry. In a hurry to get away from me and my bass, I hope! God, do I hope I’ve driven her just as crazy as she has me, but I doubt it. I don’t think she minds the music, but even if she did, she comes from a place where the rule is: Don’t complain on me and I won’t complain on you. I’m surprised she didn’t pitch a fit when I asked her to lower the TV but look how long that lasted; two days at the most.

She probably wouldn’t do anything about the music unless I blasted it at night, in which case she’d call the police. That’s what all vindictive people do; they run to the cops.

Later…

The beast next door behaved yesterday evening, from what Tom tells me. He’s also decided that the two-bedroom, gas-heated house close to work would be our best bet if it’s still available as I vibe it is. If not, then this tiny trailer might be a possibility. We don’t know what’s around the trailer, but the only thing I don’t like about the other house is that the driveway of the house behind it, which shares a yard with it, runs right alongside the bedrooms. At least we think it does. The good is that no dogs are allowed unless the noise curse sics another Patty and beast on us down there since the law requires that they accept that shit. The yard, he said, appears unkempt. Off to the other side of the house is a huge yard, also unkempt. Tom hasn’t seen any dogs there, but I’m sure there will be if we move in.

It’s looking more and more like our best bet is going to be to try to avoid licensing the truck till we get ready to leave the state. Therefore, we may have the truck towed down there and get a coworker of his to help us move. The question then will be, can we rely on them? Nobody gives a damn about us. Nobody. And those that do are totally unable to help us in any way. Also, if we do get someone we can rely on, will their mother die the day we need them to help us move?

A part of me wishes we could just stay here, but we can’t get out of this state with another winter of killer electric bills, and I can’t deal with another year of barking, door-slamming and wet windows. I know it’ll be noisy no matter where we go, but it’s time to swap these sounds in for others. I just may have to sleep in the living room if we get that house because if the fan won’t block out the doors next door here, it won’t block out the car doors there, because I know they’ll be home all the time, whoever they are, and that they’ll have company 4 times a day.

I don’t mind being without the truck till we leave the state. Tom could walk to work and take the bus to the grocery store. We’ll save a ton of money not licensing the truck, and that would leave us extra money to save for the move and to have a bit of extra spending money along the way for things like fragrance oil. I’ll just have to keep the purchases small in both cost and size.

We may even sell the truck once we get moved and pick up something a little bigger before the move. Meanwhile, it sure would be convenient to stay with this management company if we could. That way we wouldn’t have to deal with application fees. Plus, this company, so far, is a good one.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 11, 2005 Ok, time for an update on the latest shit from the rude assholes we’ve got around us here. I awoke hot barely 6 hours into my sleep, and as I rose to turn the AC up, the dog started going crazy, making it impossible to fall back asleep. Every time I’d come close to falling back asleep, I’d wake back up. So I got up and found a message from Tom saying that the dog went crazy and that there were paramedics next door, but she must’ve called them by mistake because they weren’t there long.

Oh, I doubt they were a “mistake.” I think she decided she needed a quick sympathy fix and so she sicced the dog on us so it wouldn’t get in her way when the paramedics arrived. They’ve probably been to see her before too, so once they saw she was just fine, they left.

Well, I guess it’s obvious that no one’s complained on her yet, not that I think it would do them a damn bit of good if they did. This is someone who’d rather allow herself to be evicted before she’d control the dog. Spiting others would be worth it to her. It’s more important to her than getting along and staying out of trouble, but trouble’s just what she’s in for as soon as Tom leaves later this morning. I’m going to be stomping around here so badly and blasting music like crazy. I’ll even start with the bedroom window open and hope I annoy next door too, while I’m at it, who also didn’t make things easy for me.

After having coffee, I realized I was still tired. By now it was dark and cooling down, so I turned off the AC and opened the window. However, I could hear them going back and forth just fine, and of course their floodlight was obnoxious too, so I didn’t fall back asleep till nearly midnight, and I only slept for a little over an hour. I feel better now than I did earlier, and hopefully this will push my schedule around faster.

Yesterday’s shit fit with the dog really makes me wonder why she’s been bothering to keep it indoors more often. Did she get a complaint and decide she’d only control it when she didn’t have company? I figured it’d be watering day too, since it had been a whole two days since the nut watered, and that calls for more dog activity right there.

I’m so sick of noise and poverty!!! That’s all I’ve ever known throughout the bulk of my adult life, and for a while, I just accepted it as a fact of life. I knew that was how it was going to be, so I just went with it. Lately, however, it’s getting harder and harder to do. Knowing we’ll always be struggling in the midst of rude, noisy neighbors is one thing. Accepting it is another. It’s just not ok anymore. We’ve had enough and we deserve to move on and get ahead in life yet the fucking bastard in the sky who’s ignored my pleas yet again, won’t let us! Why do I even make a fool of myself by bothering to pray to something that doesn’t give a shit about me?! Well, I know I won’t be making that mistake again! I pray for help and the joke’s on me, so fuck it!

I missed my bangs so I cut them back. I think they look better on me. I just wish my face weren’t so damn full, but that’s another thing I can’t change. It’s just me.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 10, 2005 The bitch next door still isn’t leaving the dog out or hanging out in the evenings with it, though she sure lets the thing out a lot. By noon it had already been out 4 times that I knew of. Twice it barked once at the back door to be let in and she came and got it right away.

She still blasts the TV, but with the fan on and us only being here a few more weeks, we don’t care.

Meanwhile, the weather’s just beginning to cool down, and once again, someone’s death is a major inconvenience to us. The woman in charge of giving Tom the raise he’s obviously not going to get, returned from vacation only to run right out again. I guess her father died.

MONDAY, AUGUST 8, 2005 Another day of hoping we don’t receive anything in the mail we don’t want to receive while wishing we could receive what we’d like to receive from those who are supposed to care. But I know better even if he doesn’t. I think a part of him simply doesn’t want to believe that his own mother could cease to give a damn. It’s sad, but it happens.

I’m not going to wait for all the people next door to gather outside the bedroom wall for breakfast like they’ve been doing lately, and I’m not going to wait till Fat Pat gets company and tosses the dog out back for me to have to deal with. This means that as soon as he’s gone, I’m going to crank up the tunes and do some singing. Meanwhile, I should be up most of the morning, and weekday mornings, just like the evenings of any day, are the most likely times for barking. I was surprised they didn’t set up camp out back yesterday evening. On days that hot they usually do. She may’ve gone somewhere early in the day because the cooler she’s had on her patio for about a month was gone when I last glanced out before crashing at 10:00.

Tom’s going to call another property management company today to see if they have any houses for rent without shared yards. So far, though, it seems like most of them are a cluster of rentals on the same lot. That wouldn’t be that much of a step up from this place, but I know I can’t expect much more than this because I know I’m not allowed to live in peace.

Tom feels I’ll get a win notification within the next 3 weeks. Hope he’s right!

Later…

Although the dog did take a shit fit at the door during her visit from the small red pickup driver, she only let it go on for about a minute or two. However, she no longer appears to be leaving it out all morning. She doesn’t even leave it out in the evenings as much anymore either and this started around the time he gave notice. I doubt Pam would’ve gone so far as to call her or send a letter in regards to the dog, but what may’ve happened is that the bitch called her wanting to know if we’d given notice and that’s when Pam said something like, “Yeah, they did. And they say it’s because the dog annoys them, so you might want to put a lid on it.”

Meanwhile, Tom called Hartman Management Company and found a house with both pros and cons, as they all seem to have. The pros are that it’s cheap and has no shared yard. The cons are that the houses are too close, it’s small and dumpy, might not accept pets, and isn’t within walking distance of anything.

I think this is the best we’re going to be able to get, though, for being in the city, and personally, I like the sound of his coworker’s highway house the best. It may be worth the extra money to get the garage it has, and I’m used to living next to the crazies, so why not? Sometimes the best way to deal with a curse is to just go with it and roll with the punches, so I may as well look at the bright side of living crammed in with others. For one, if there was ever a fire, God forbid, and there was no time on my phone, someone with a phone would be just a few feet away and always home. We’ll never have much space around us again and I know one can’t fight fate and win, so why drive myself batty trying? Meanwhile, we have to live somewhere, and if that can only be with others on top of us and us on top of them, it’s better than Brattleboro or Valleyhead or Estrella.

I think Tom should keep his mouth shut about the rat. We could put his house in a closet if we had to with all the time he spends running around loose. No landlord is going to come in and do a search of our closet as if we were inmates in a jail cell.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6, 2005 I got up at 6:00 to find bitch-n-beast had already hit the back. A half-hour later we went to the store.

We checked the mail on the way back, but there was nothing other than a coupon for Hawaiian Punch for doing a survey for them.

I asked Tom if his “gut instinct” still said we’d hear from the queen and he said yes. They say your gut instinct’s the one to trust, but I don’t know about his.

Meanwhile, we returned to find the bitch on her usual watering spree, but all’s been quiet. They should be turning in soon if they haven’t already. That is unless she’s got to stuff herself again at 11:30 and have a private little barbecue party.

At midnight we’ll be down to 25 days left, give or take a few.

Later…

The assholes next door are out gabbing up a storm right now. I heard them go back and forth at 1:00 last night and they were up as early as 5:00 the day before. I tell you, they never sleep!

Meanwhile, I’m trying to stay up throughout most of the morning. If I could be up at least till noon, that’d be great since the most likely time for the beast to go off is between 8 AM - noon.

I slammed a cabinet door really loud Friday morning as soon as he left. I couldn’t resist. That’ll hopefully be wake-up call #2, one for each one her shit of a dog gave me.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 5, 2005 Again I slept well. That’s two days in a row they let me, but again, is it because the music did such a good job of blocking the barking out, or was there simply no barking to begin with? By next weekend at the latest, I should know which one is the case. I got up at 5:30 this afternoon. A half-hour later the dog was put out for 2½ hours but only barked once.

Tom said the Miller St. house he went to look at today was also a bust because it’s in a cluster of houses that share a driveway, and dogs could get within 5-10 feet from the house. Is anything for rent not shared in some way? We’ll have to just take whatever we can get. We just don’t have all the time and money in the world to be choosy. We gotta go somewhere, and since there’s no peaceful place for us, it’ll mostly come down to price in the end, location second. When I say location, I mean nothing a half-hour out of town. Nothing rural. What a coincidence in God’s timing with the gas prices getting out of control!

My ear is back to annoying me, and I’m back to being stumped as to whether or not it is my ear or my teeth. I’m just sick of this ear and teeth shit and having my eyes get worse and worse by the minute!

THURSDAY, AUGUST 4, 2005 The good news is that there hasn’t yet been any mail from the management company in regards to my hosting any show and tell game, but the bad news is that there’s been nothing from the queen and that the house close to work is a bust. He said he found out which house it is and that upon closer inspection, he found that there’s not only a house right smack behind it, but the mailboxes to both houses are by the front door of the one for rent. As we both agree, we don’t want someone coming right up to our door to get their mail and possibly help themselves to ours as well while they’re at it. Meanwhile, there’s a house available on a side street between here and 6th St., but closer to 6th, that he’s going to check out tomorrow when he gets some groceries. I guess it’s not far off our walking route. I told Tom to just keep looking for the white house with navy or maroon trim. That’s what I saw in my vision. As far as it is from where he works, I’d like to stay in this area, since it’s a nicer area and has more old people rather than families, though I’m sure we’ll have to be next to the Brady bunch and the loudest dogs in the area no matter where we go.

As I figured would be the case, since it was hot, the bitch-n-beast was out for about an hour, but they were quiet. I could only hear the evening group chatter session from next door, but only in the bathroom. Fatty Patty’s tending to her watering obsession right now. That’s right, you dumb ass, water the shit out of the grass so it grows back too fast!

Her patio’s trashed with candles and all kinds of other weird shit. I’d hate to see the inside! I don’t know what the connection is, but piggery and filth seem to go hand in hand. The obese are just slobs for some reason.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 3, 2005 Ah, a day in my life without the bitch and beast in it. I like it! I slept with the stereo on, though if it covered any barking, or if it just didn’t happen to bark for a change, I do not know. All I know is that my music computer, as ancient as it is, kept crashing. I went to bed at 6 AM and awoke at 7:30 to find that the music had stopped playing. So I rebooted the computer. When I got up for a minute at 11 AM, it was off again. I’m surprised, as tired as I’ve been, that I only slept 7 hours. I guess most of my fatigue lately is due to stress. I’m like that whenever I have an upcoming move, even if it’s a move I want to make.

Tom checked out the houses on the street he that thinks this small, cheap gas-heated house is on. Of the two houses on the street that appeared vacant, he thought they looked so ideal that he’s going to stop in the office for the exact address tomorrow instead of Friday. Well, if it really is “ideal” for being in the city, we ain’t getting it. God wants us where it’s noisy. Whenever we move to wherever it is we move to, it could happen as early as the 19th of this month or as late as the 5th of next month, but more than likely it’ll be right around the 1st. I’m going to miss some aspects of this duplex, like the new carpet, the spacious rooms, the good shower/toilet pressure, etc., but they certainly aren’t worth holding onto. Even if it were quiet, these electric heaters cost a fortune. And I hate these windows and the fridge.

My teeth and eyes continue to worsen too, so that adds to the stress a bit. I wish the cavity that’s been bothering me for so long would hurry up and widen so the root will be exposed more and die. Then the tooth can fall out altogether and I can be done with yet another damn tooth.

He got himself some really cool lights for his bike since it’s getting darker earlier. They’re pretty neat the way they flash at different speeds and all that.

I’m seriously beginning to wonder if next door hasn’t complained about the dog. This is because not only have I not heard it in the evenings, but I haven’t seen it hang out in the mornings either. The only time it seems to be left out there lately is when she has company. Why else would Pam ask, “Is there a problem?” when he went to give notice and not say something like, “Oh yeah?” or “Oh, okay,” or “You found a house?” I doubt they complained, though. I think she just hasn’t been around.

She’s doing her watering thing right now and I hope to hell I woke her up this morning and that she wasn’t already up! I made a racket by dropping some pans on the kitchen floor right after he left since I knew he’d get all paranoid if I did anything earlier. With my shit luck, though, the shithead was already up or she slept right through it. There was once a time when I could sleep through anything myself.

Since the ancient stereo keeps crashing, we made a universal setup, so now I’m using my work computer for music, too. It’s got some negatives to it, but this way I can use the better speakers to sleep with. I don’t want to use the radio because the commercials may get annoying.

Tomorrow’s supposed to be hot, so if she hasn’t been complained on, it’s likely to flush both bitch and beast out in the evening. Just 28 more days of this shit, then we can swap it in for new shit!

I’m hoping against hope that Pam will be reluctant to have me do show-and-tell for fear of me mentioning the dog to prospective renters and turning them off. Oh, believe me, I won’t say a word. I want this place to go fast so I don’t have to be bothered with the game of show and tell, but you know how it is; we always have to do other people’s work for them and shoulder what should be their responsibility, so I expect the show and tell letter by Saturday. We’d get that a lot quicker than we’d ever get $1200 from his near-rich mother. Sad, isn’t it?

The bitch is sitting out there now, so I’m sure the dog’s with her.

Oh, it’s gone now. Nighty night, bitch.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 2, 2005 I was so, so fucking furious today!!! The fucking beast woke me up twice. I crashed around 6 AM, and just after 9 AM was the first time it barked. That was maybe half a dozen barks. I was too tired to get up and bass the rude bitch out for it, and I fell back asleep within an hour. Just two hours later, it went off like crazy at the back door when she had company, and as always, her company was more important. She refused to let the dog in. It barked frantically at the door for a few minutes, then ran to the fence where it barked some more before running back to the door. It didn’t give up for nearly 10 minutes. I wanted to slap the fat off the bitch so bad that my handprint would be forever embedded in her scaly skin! The only reason I didn’t go over there and beat the living snot out of her was that I was not going to be the one to go to jail for beating on old ladies. This bitch may be big, but it’s also weak and badly out of shape. There’d be no competition whatsoever. Not even if she were pissed and I wasn’t. She smokes and can barely stand up after she bends down, so if I went off on her I know I’d do some very serious damage that’d just get me locked up on assault charges. Assault charges may be nothing compared to other things, but still, I don’t need the grief. The dog gives me enough grief as it is. I knew I should’ve fought to keep on days because I knew this was going to happen since she started ignoring it and letting it get out of control and bark all it wants. Again, I have to wonder – does she want to get evicted? Or does she just think she’s invincible because she’s a nut on disability with a so-called service dog?

Bev, goddamn you, why’d you have to move?! At least your grandanimals weren’t here every day. This dog is!

Anyway, after round two, yes, I did give her some bass and some cabinet-slamming, too. I was too tired to let her have it for long, so at 11 AM I dragged one of the stereo speakers over by the bed and crashed on and off till 5:30. If there’s any good to come of this shit, it’s that it hopefully pushed my schedule around faster so I can hurry up and get back on days. I know one thing’s for sure, though, and I don’t care how paranoid Tom is, and that’s that she’s not going to be sleeping well herself. I intend to slam a cabinet door or something just as soon as he gets up at 4:00. If she’s not going to let me sleep, I ain’t about to let her sleep. Furthermore, once he’s left at 5:30, the stereo’s going on really loud till I’m ready to crash. I could still hear the dog over the volume I sleep with it at, but hopefully the fucking thing will blend in with it and not stand out like it does with just the fan and sound machine.

I’m gonna get this bitch so bad with the noise once we’ve officially gotten a place!!! I’ll be the problem she said she didn’t want. She doesn’t want problems with neighbors? Well, she’s got ‘em! I tried to tell Tom that she wouldn’t complain due to where she’s from, and since that’d be admitting that I got to her, but you know how paranoid he is. He’s like, “But we’re so close. All it takes is one complaint. If we go with someone else and they call these people and they say, ‘Oh, they’ve been really good. We’ve only had one complaint on them,’ that could very well mess things up.”

I’ve gotten complaints on me back east for loud music and prank phone calls and none of them ever stopped me from moving, so I’m not worried about it. He said to do what I gotta do anyway, and I intend to do just that! As tired as I still am, the question is, will I be up when he gets up? And how many times do I have to be woken up tomorrow?

I hate God for doing this to me!!! I’m so pissed at Him and I totally resent Him more and more as time goes by. Fuck praying to Him. Why waste my time praying to someone that doesn’t want to hear it and that doesn’t give a damn about me? I truly believe this too; that He doesn’t give a damn. And I know without a doubt that this noise curse will never end. As it is, I told Tom to just get a place that we can afford and that’s in a good location and to hell with what’s around it because people are going to drive me crazy no matter where we go. Country living – just a dream. Just a silly old dream.

He checked out a house managed by this company that’s about 4 miles away and just a minute’s walk from where he works. He said he didn’t know exactly which house it was and that he’d stop in their office to get the exact address, but it looks good, even though the houses are close. He said it’s on a fairly busy one-way street, it’s got gas heat, and it’s $10 cheaper than this place. He said he didn’t hear any dogs, but I’m sure they’re there. Only about 5% - 10% of houses are dogless. I guess that after he’s checked it out and made sure it’s livable, he’s going to put a deposit down on it this Friday as long as no one else grabs it by then.

Anyway, this sick, rude twisted bitch and her beast weren’t out this evening either. I’m assuming this was because it was cool and humid, so as soon as it gets hot again and dries up, they’ll be back to steal my peace and fray my nerves to shreds. It’s almost scary how one can be so seemingly nice and considerate one minute, and become such a rude bitch the next, oblivious to anyone and everyone around them! She’s so locked in her own little world. How do you tap on the wall she’s drawn around her and say, “Hey, there are other people around here besides you, you rude asshole!” It’s a wall I doubt anyone could penetrate without some serious leverage over her.

At least the nights are quiet, unlike Phoenix which never sleeps. You could hear every dog within a 10-mile radius at night there.

I’m still fairly certain she won’t complain. I know how these types of individuals operate. Besides, not everyone’s bothered by a little bass thumping in the background. Not even I’m bothered by those stereos that aren’t that loud and that go by fast enough. It’s only when it’s incredibly loud or hangs around a while that it gets to me. This stereo can’t go as loud as these car stereos or even Bev’s stereo. It’s not an 8-speaker surround sound system. It’s ancient. Not a piece of shit, but nothing to brag about either, so with my shit luck, she barely notices it. With even shittier luck she’ll get someone in here that isn’t noisy and that doesn’t complain. They probably won’t mind the barking and might even be out during workdays.

When the knowledge of us having to be struggling city slickers for another 40-50 years eats at me, I try to think of good things like making California dreaming a reality and having extra spending money, even if it’s only for 5 minutes (Tom thinks we could save $25 a week towards the California move and that I could have $10 a week for fun). Tom could get a lot of those scratch tickets he likes, though I don’t expect them to win much. This isn’t the state for tickets any more than it is for jobs or anything else. I fucking hate it here. Half the time it’s noisy, and the other half it’s cold/snowy. At least in Sacramento, there’ll be just one problem; year-round noise but no cold/snow.

Maybe if we do get a place from them, I can send a shortened email to Pam saying something like, “Thanks for helping us get into a house. We’re glad we could stay with a company we know/trust. The lady we were next to was really driving us batty with the barking, company and blasting TV.” We’ll just see when we get to wherever we’re going. If it weren’t for Tom being a part of my life, despite his paranoia, I’d go batty for damn sure! No matter what shit I’m cursed with in life, I know I’ll never have to go it alone.

MONDAY, AUGUST 1, 2005 We have officially given notice! First, the weather’s just gorgeous now, which may explain why we haven’t heard/seen the dog today, even though I didn’t get up till 2:00. It’s cloudy and cool and because there’s a nice breeze at the moment, we opened the bathroom and bedroom window to let the fresh cool air in. I turned off both the fan and AC and Tom shouldn’t need to sleep with the front door open tonight. By morning it’ll be quite chilly in here, but it’ll save us on AC costs.

I’m truly amazed at how well this oil burner works when it’s not windy in here. The fan blows the heat of the flame out from under the glass dish that the oil sits in, so I only use it when I don’t need the fan going.

It fucking figures – I open the window, turn off the fan, and out they come next door. Why is it always my window they gotta gab under, the rude assholes!

Later…

I had to stop for a while so I could concentrate. If they start up again I’ll put my headphones on.

He hasn’t called anyone yet since we can’t put a deposit down till Friday, but he did talk to Pam. When he went to give notice, she asked if there was a problem. Tom then set aside his paranoia and said that while he didn’t want to come off as a complainer, the dog next door gets annoying. Pam then said, “It’s a medical dog,” in a tone that suggested she didn’t want to let it in in the first place. Yet the law required it.

Meanwhile, Tom was hoping they’d let us stay till September 5th if we had to so that we’d have an extra paycheck. With the 5th being on a Monday, we could take the weekend of the 3rd and 4th to move if we had to. She said just go on the 1st if we can, but that yes, we can stay till the 5th if need be, but we’ll have to pay for those days. That should mount to something like $60.

She didn’t bring up the subject of show-and-tell, so he didn’t either. If we get a letter in the mail saying we have to show the place, he’ll call them and make sure they don’t send anyone before he gets home. I’d rather him wake me up than the doorbell. That way he can let them in and tell them to hang on a sec while he gets me up. Better yet, they’re the ones managing this place, so they should take responsibility for showing it.

Although it’s a remote possibility, the bitch next door might’ve told Pam, “I hear they’re moving soon next door. Meanwhile, I have a friend who’s seen my place and knows they want their place, so let me know when they’re gone and I’ll have them come pay you so they can move in.”

I doubt it, though, or else I’d think she’d have mentioned it to me. Now that she knows the dog gets annoying, maybe she won’t be so quick to be too selective about whom she puts in here. I’m glad Tom mentioned it, because even though I don’t vibe it, we may still get a place from them, and if we do I’m not going to send that email. This way we still got to complain without it affecting us if we do stay with them.

They have a house available right by where he works which is smaller than this place. That’s ok, though. If we could cram our shit into an RV and a 10 x 5 storage unit, we can handle a smaller place. It is a two-bedroom, which is the strongest thing I vibe. I’m almost sure we’ll be going into a two-bedroom. There’s also a house close to here, but it’s on a dead-end which will mean it’d be very noisy with kids playing in the street, etc. It’s ok either way, as I told Tom, because there are two things I’m sure of in this life and that’s that we’ll not only always struggle, but we’ll always live where it’s noisy, so we’ll just take the best deal. I don’t know why God wants us poor and struggling to the tune of other people’s bullshit, but I guess He just feels we don’t deserve any better.