#one day ill talk about it... unsure if people want to read that tho

[theendofuno]

ehmmm its almost 3 am and im getting deadly overwhelmed so ill just. write about my ordem paranormal au and pretend someone will actually read it lol

first of all i’d like to explain that it’s an au from a brazilian tabletop rpg game but i’ll try to translate the terms and etc in the best way i can, it’s an universe that happens in real world, except that there’s...paranormal.. lol

ok so them

i like to use he/they for him but yk yk just he/him is also fine 

(they’re 15-16ish here just to clarify)

they’re an occultist who got caught by ordem (an organization that fights against the paranormal, occultists are people who work with the paranormal in a “positive” way, to make it stronger and just fuck up the world lol), especifically by Grandark who is a real human here ‘cause oh my god his human design is SO COOL why kog dont use ittt, but Gran just didn’t “feel right” by arresting a child so he just 

“oh well do you want to be my son” 

“no” 

“alright idc you’ll be anyway”

Uno is a VERY annoying asshole teen, he likes to bother people on purpose, he also steals A LOT of food as a coping mechanism for his past trauma living on the streets and just having to deal with the paranormal with such a young age, he also have some trusting issues, so he don’t really have a good relationship with Grandark or Zero (who lived with Grandark even before Uno’s arrive but that’s history for another day *wink wink) and don’t really pretend to like them, but deeeeep down on his feelings he likes them

that’s his clothings!!!

his shirt is stolen from Grandark, The Pression is a 1980-1990 band (that actually exists on the ordem universe lol) and Uno is completely clueless, he just wanted some red shirt, his crocs are stolen from Zero 

their second clothes are his work clothes! he work at a flower shop with Ryan (who’s 17-18ish), they’re not very... a good seller if i can say?? theyre always with the ‘-’ expression and dont really care to learn about the flowers to yk... sell them...??? theyre just “yeah go ask Ryan” 

Ryan tho is very patient and really likes Uno and is always trying to make him care about and learn more and just feel comfortable in general

their hair is naturally black, but they got the white parts with his affinity (it’s when the other side a.k.a the paranormal chooses you and makes you more paranormal than human, he have blood affinity) and the blue part is dyed by Grandark

Uno also know A LOT of occultist rituals, having it tattoed on his body

he have this one on his hand!!! (just for his gc actual tattoo lol), the ritual is the black part but Hwarin (who have a similar story of messing with the paranormal in a young age and working with ordem instead of getting arrested) thought it would be cool to do a drawing above it, at first Uno absolutely hated it but now he just “hehe :) dragon”

this ritual symbol is called “Descarnar” and im kinda unsure on how to translate it but it’s somewhat in the likes of “Getting Fleshless”, which... yeah! removes your skin and makes you bleed A LOT

he also have a giant other ritual symbol on his chest which he removed with the same descarnar ritual because it was craved on him and he didn’t really..had a choice or consentment on getting it, i didnt really think when he got his neck tattoo but yeah it exists as well 

also his eye thing isn’t a tattoo, it’s actually makeup (eyeliner) he learned with Asin who does a ✨glamurous✨ eyeliner everyday (also Asin and Jin are like 25?? not quite sure about an official age but they’re more old than canon)

he used to go on missions with Veigas but they were prohibited of staying together alone after...an accident...where they kept using rituals on each other until Veigas back was completely in raw meat and Uno had third degree burns [since Veigas is an energy occultist]), so now he usually goes with Ryan and Lass (who is 18 but he’s kinda childish as a coping mech- i wont talk about other characters today ok i promised that to myself), since Grandark is uhh “top tier” is the best term i can think of now on ordem so newbies can’t go with Gran’s team (which is consisted of Grandark, Werner, Grandiel, Baldinar, Serdin & Kanavan. wowie a bunch of homossexuals) (Peter was part of it but he’s retired)

also a fun fact he’s a dog person (in canon i think he would be more a cat person but yk yk au) and he used to call zombies��as dogs, and he once tried to convince Grandark on getting a dog and,,,,,,,,he came home with an alligator,,,,,,,,,, ain’t he so silly

[omegawolverine]

I know you posted it days ago but you said something about wanting to rant about either karl or his fanbase and its been itching at my brain. Ive no clue whats happening or what is happening at all cause no one seems to be making clear points?? Or explaining anything?

Obviously you do NOT have to talk about it im sure it might be a sore point to rant because people can get SO needlessly rude to others over it. But if you want to idk explain? Just rant? Im definetly curious what it was over or about.

The "you dont need to talk about this" is amplified by the fact i am DAYS late and you are probably over it by now.

okay hi yes im happy to talk about this but i think i should preface with two things:

1) even tho it may seem like im biased towards him or being very defensive of him im actually a super casual karl viewer and the only reason i am super defensive of him sometimes is bc we act a lot alike irl and that is mainly because of our neurodivegency. when i say a lot i mean we share traits like "annoying" stimming (jumping around, making loud noises, repeating the same phrases until everyone is sick of hearing them), the difficulty reading situations, the very obvious issues with volume control and not just bouncing from subject to subject to subject as we fucking please. basically anything you've seen karl do on stream that is Very Neurodivergent ive done the same in my own way which is why i get defensive when i see people calling him annoying or saying they dont like him, usually for these types of reasons. that being said, when i say im a very casual karl viewer, i fucking mean it. i usually only watch him when he's streaming with other ccs i like or when he's doing chill alt streams bc even with the annoying donos, he's pretty relaxing and comforting when he's just fucking around by himself and he isnt trying to get as hype as he would on a main channel stream. so yeah, it may seem like im biased and sure, i guess i am on some level, but it's not coming from a place of me hyperfixating on him or me even loving him as a cc, it's coming from me being a neurodivergent who likes him just enough to get upset when i see people basically being casually ableist towards him.

2) i dont have all the facts or even a great understanding on what the fuck has been happening recently with his "drama"...mostly bc he talked about it on his priv, which im not on, and people are gatekeeping the tweets, as they always do, and basically making you "dm to see them" (which is already a problem in and of itself bc apparently in these tweets he said he didnt want them being ss and shared, yet they are being shared thru dms over and over and over again like. at that point just stop withholding the information and post the fucking shit, you clearly dont care that he said "dont share"). additionally, most of the threads ive seen on this situation havent actually explained the initial issue, just talked about his apology (a lot of people have said "it's bad" but havent said why and with no screenshots ((i havent asked for someone to dm me them and i still havent seen them posted, which is mildly surprising, but incredibly frustrating at this point)), i only have a few basic details i can actually assess it on) or they talked about the initial issue in very vague details so um. excuse me trying to explain this now, but ill try and make it make sense with how little ive actually pieced together.

(oh, also, here's my first rant about the ableism in this fandom which is way more broad. this is a pretty different rant from that one, but they're both pretty big reasons why i hate this fandoms treatment of karl)

so basically the problems started with mr beast being apart of a charity stream that donated either to autism speaks or to a similar company, im unsure on that part. im also unsure on if the people participating in the stream actually knew of this or not bc, from what i remember, the money was being donated to a separate organization that was like. under the bad company or some shit like that, idk how stuff like that works and also i read about this shit months ago bc this originally happened months ago and just sorta came to a head recently.

anyways, i think karl was supposed to be apart of this stream but pulled out of it right before (that or these were two separate streams and karl was supposed to participate in the first but pulled out while mr beast did both?? idk. regardless karl did not actually participate, just mr beast). from there people started doing the guilt from association bullshit they always do, this was also doubled by the fact that the chris being racist stuff came out sometime around then and basically he got dragged all over twitter for "being ableist" and "supporting racists" and i cant remember if he actually apologized when this originally happened or not. i vaguely remember him apologizing about something back then but i genuinely dont know if it was this or something else.

basically that died down eventually, a good chunk of people unstanned him but him and honktwt didnt end up getting the lovely lil technotwt treatment and they still havent yet, surprisingly. good for them honestly ajsksk

but now we get to the past few weeks and apparently something happened with him "laughing at someone saying the r slur" (it was mizkif, i believe), specifically when it was directed at other people, which is a big yikes, obviously, but when karl was called out for this a lot of people kind of. made this into a situation that it wasnt bc um. basically karl didnt laugh at it, he gave a few nervous giggles, as people often do when in a situation like that (and karl specifically said he does this in the one part of his apology tweet which i did stumble upon, although it wasnt the important part of the apology thread bc why would it be) and people fucking crucified him for it. they quite literally dragged a neurodivergent man for supposedly "laughing at the r slur" when he can literally reclaim it and also he was just nervous laughing.

and this is where the situation just gets really bad because they. basically forced him to admit that he was autistic on his priv to apologize for this. i havent seen the screenshots of him saying this, but i saw people discussing it and i am frankly so fucking pissed about this because sure, it was a bad situation, and i understand people wanting an explanation, but an apology? for a neurodivergent man nervous laughing at a slur he can reclaim? and then forcing the man to admit something he literally said in that tweet he didnt want people to know which is why people were being so gatekeepy about it while also LOUDLY discussing the situation, as if that wouldnt drive MORE PEOPLE to look for screenshots and ways to get ahold of this information? and then people had the audacity to call it a "bad apology" when they had quite literally just violated his privacy by forcing him to admit something that he shouldnt have needed to share in the first place if he didnt want to, which he didnt.

and this is why im so pissed off. karl is already constantly picked at and made fun of and called annoying for his neurodivergent traits, things which he literally cant help, things which are generally harmless, and now he was forced into a situation where he can now be further picked at and made fun of and called annoying bc they forced him to admit something private instead of just understanding and accepting that he had been nervous laughing at someone using a slur he has definetly been called for his neurodivergency.

tldr of my thoughts: yes i think karl needed to address this situation, it definetly looked bad, but twitter stans have this sense of entitlement with their ccs and because of that, they consistently take it way too far and harm the people they claim to care about so dearly. we've seen it happen time and time again with dream, but this is the first time ive seen them basically force someone to out themselves to make their apology "valid" and most of them still seem to not want to accept it anyways, which just makes me feel bad for him bc now that info is out their and people are just disregarding it to continue "holding him accountable".

anyways, i think that's all i can really say on this topic rn tbh, if anyone else knows this situation better please feel free to lmk clarifications and ill add them in since, like i said, i know fuck all thanks to twitter being so goddamn hush hush about the important details while simultaneously being the loudest mfers about how much they hate karl now instead of just fucking unfollowing and moving on.

thanks for the ask and im sorry if this is confusing!! i just think this is one of those weird situations where like. i think karl deserved some criticism for what happened and how he handled it or at least he shouldve been asked to address it but that just. isnt what happened, at all. he was harrassed. karl got harrassed and because of that he handled this situation even more sloppily than he probably wouldve and exposed private info about himself that he didnt feel comfortable doing and it just. fucking sucks tbh.

[dnfshield]

okay im posting my first and most important syndicate!dream propaganda !! if people are interested ill def post the rest

and because I'm delusional all of this hinges on that I want dream to actually be upset and brocken 💔🥀 and desperately needing help and not wanting to let anyone help him because connections bad blah blah but I know cc dream doesn't have the range and is also a coward so I have to do everything for him 

its under a read more bc its 1.4k words lmao

I think it takes dream a while to process being out of prison even though he should be taking advantage of his new freedom and new space. he spends a lot of time in his room just laying in his blankets or curled up under his bed or memorizing all the shelves of stuff techno left in the spare room. And philza and techno silently agree to make sure dream is getting socialization - knowing that he desperately needs the connection but is unsure how to go back to being ALLOWED to be around others. So they take turns going to his room at night and just finding literally anything to do in his presence. Phil likes to read the old books techno left in there. And when he sees dream peeking over he'll mutter something about how ""reading it out helps me think"" and will quietly read allowed to dream. Or he'll go sit at the desk with a creaky chair and write letters to the woman he loves, gushing over memories and sharing snippets of stories to dream. Phil sits there with a dopey smile and blushy cheeks and dream sits there letting his words sink in - knowing too late that he should never have convinced himself that pushing everyone he loved would somehow save him. 

Technos more pacey- he likes to go in there and ""reorganize"" the miscellaneous objects he left in what was supposed to be a storage space turned bedroom. Sometimes it's stacks of pages ripped from old journals sometimes it's failed blueprints and plans sometimes it's old potion bottles that definitely got left a little too long and should NOT be opened - but whatever it is techno will grab it and ramble on about what he was thinking what he was planning why it didn't work and scramble to find an excuse as to why he's chosen to hoard whatever the object is rather than throw it away like a normal person. But dream just sits there and listens and asks questions or asks to hold whatever it is - honestly whatever he can do to keep techno from going to bed and leaving him in his room alone. 

Lol okay the actual real important one that started all this is that dream eventually starts outwardly showing signs of distress when alone. At first he reeled when others would try to be around him. He still dealt with the conditioning of never being allowed to have regular visitors and being told everyone he ever knew wanted him dead. But once he realized Phil and techno were not only safe to be around but were happy to be around him he couldn't get enough of them. Dream lingers in the kitchen while philza cooks them all breakfast. He follows techno around while he haphazardly goes through chests looking for a specific enchanting book. He cracks his window so he can hear techno and philza laughing together while they sharpen their weapons on the porch :*) . And on especially bad days where something reminds him of the scorching lava flow or he gets turned around in a space too suffocatingly small he waits up because he knows philza or techno will come and wait with him at night. 

And it's the evening that sam knocks on their door that sends dream into overdrive. The second techno opens the door and philzas eyes fall on Sam's armour Phil places a gentle hand on dreams back and ushers him to his room. Techno stands with his frame in the door physically keeping a barrier in-between sam and their home and eventually gets Sam to begrudgingly leave. But when philza goes to check on dream before bed it's obvious dream sat there listening to techno and Sam yell and threaten each other over his life. So Phil skips whatever ploy to keep dream company that he had planned and just sits on his bed with him. He doesn't even say anything besides the classic "it's alright please don't be scared" and "he's not taking you away from here" and "you're safe here, with us, you're safe with me and techno" and blah blah and with every passing whisper dream just drifts closer and lets philza be there with him and philza let's dream lean against him because he knows how badly dream needs the comfort and he's more than happy to be there for him ( -sobs- can philza become a better dad in canon we could've have had it all ) . God okay and finally the important part all of this had been leading up to 

And after sitting there and letting dream lean on his shoulder and dodging dreams pleas to tell him how techno got sam off their property dream eventually quiets down. Every time dream stirs to break the silence philza squeezes his arm and let's him settle closer. Dream can barely keep his eyes open but when Phil tries to say goodnight and shift to stand up dreams eyes shoot open and asks if Phil's actually going to leave for the night because a million things are running through his mind. What if Sam only left to not cause a scene and plans to return after the others go to bed and take him with no one there to protect him. What if Sam only left to tell everyone where he is and return with a mob filled with the people dream himself made hate him. What if techno made a deal with sam - to return with diamonds or precious items in exchange to step aside and let dream he hauled away. But Phil only smiles softly and tells him that he's just gonna move to a new spot and dream just sits there and watches Phil settle at the headboard. Dreams eyes follow Phil's hand as he pats his stomach to becken dream to come lay down. Like okay guys please hear me out so dream settles with his head on philzas stomach kinda surrounded by Phil's legs like a little nest :-( while Phil just tells dream to relax and get some sleep. Phil's hand is a weight on his back and dreams just kinda melts. And as dream finally let's himself wind down he thanks Phil for being there with him. philza takes in a breath and whispers "of course" and after a silent beat as if saying it out loud would bring him back in time he tells dream "me and wilbur used to do this when he was younger"

And dream just tells him that he's sorry and that if he "could go back and change it he'd give anything, sorry for letting it go so far with wilbur" and philza tells him that he "knows wilbur is sorry too" and he knows how mentally unwell wilbur got and that he "wished he'd checked up after the letters stopped sooner" and dream doesn't want philzas to blame himself there's nothing he could have done to stop what wilbur and dream had started between each other but there's nothing dream could say to make philza understand that. So he just tangles a fist in philzas shirt and hopes a "none of this is your fault" in an exasperated voice will convey that enough. He gives philzas one more thank you for being here and with philzas hand tracing little movements on his back dream finally feels safe enough to drift off. Lol lol lol ooooooo okay

:*) Loool what if techno used to have a weekly routine of weapon care like just keeping them clean and sharpened and polished. but after he rescues dream from his isolation and torment from quackity, technos sitting in the living room and goes to grab his axe and dream starts panicking and immediately goes to apologizing and begging techno to tell him what he did wrong and promises he'll try better next time (even tho he didn't do anything :-( ) and techno does his best to assure him he didn't do anything, that he's doing perfectly fine and even if something came up his first instinct would not in fact be to pull an axe out on him and techno puts his stuff away and they just sit together :-( after philza gets home he and techno talk and agree it would be best they keep the weapons out of site unless it's absolutely necessary.

theyre sitting like this L

[heartachebf]

Creek

send me ships!! u didnt specify which heart u wanted + i probs wouldve thought about all of them anyways so ill just do all of them ^_^ (under the cut bc its a little long)

❤: who is more affectionate in public? in private? its hard to say tbh! i think they both try not to be overly affectionate in public beyond hand holding and wrapping their arms around each other when theyre sitting next to each other! but when theyre in private, craigs deffo more affectionate <3 he'd deny it to hell and back but hes a big fan of cuddling and being all sweet on tweek when theyre alone

♡: who is the bigger romantic openly? secretly? i think tweek usually Seems like hes the bigger romantic, both openly And secretly, just bc craigs more reserved, but i think craigs super romantic in his own silly little way that other people dont really pick up on

❥: who is more likely to plan something big for valentine’s day? 100% craig. tweek deffo Tries to do big plans for valentines day occasionally, but it very quickly becomes too much pressure to plan some huge suprise!! tho i think craig only ever does big valentines day plans every once in a while - he'd much rather just exchange nice little gifts and spend the day alone with tweek!

ღ: who is more likely to initiate hand-holding in public? i think it tends to be pretty equal! sometimes craig reaches first, sometimes tweek reaches first, and other times, theyll both reach at the same time n surprise each other !!

💕: who is more likely to make huge declarations of love in front of other people? craig, he 100% gets up on a table and announces to the room how much he loves tweek but Only when tweeks insecurities are getting the better of him. otherwise, he doesnt see the point in announcing an obvious fact to everyone

💘: who developed a crush on the other first? oh god this is a toughie... part of me thinks craig, bc i read this really sweet fic a while ago where craig admitted that he developed a crush on tweek back when they got into that fight in tweek vs craig... but the other part of me thinks tweek based off how badly he wanted to get back together in tweek x craig.... i think it could go either way, tbh!!

💝: who spends more time (possibly overthinking) what presents to get the other? deffo tweek! i think craig is just a really excellent gift giver when it comes to tweek, so he never really Has to think much about it. meanwhile, tweek always gets super stressed out about if what he bought craig is Actually something he'll like or not, and then he wonders if he should Make something for craig instead of buying him something, and then he wonders if the wrapping paper he picked was the wrong choice or maybe he did a shoddy job at wrapping it, but then craig opens whatever gift it is and his whole face lightens up n tweeks like "oh thank god"

💓: who initiates most physical contact? it depends on the situation tbh! i think tweek typically does bc he tends to try and seek out that small level of comfort that comes from having physical contact with craig. but whenever tweeks freaking out over [insert Anything here], craig will initiate bc he Knows that contact calms tweek down a lot

💌: who is more likely to send cutesy texts to the other? deffo tweek! he loves spamming different heart emojis and sending cute little memes bc he knows they make craig smile :) i think craig tries to Match his levels of cutesy-ness sometimes but he gets in his head about it a lot so he only manages to send a couple of hearts sometimes and the occasional sweet little meme (tho he Is the king of sending good morning and goodnight messages that always make tweek smile super hard)

💟: who spends time reading their zodiac compatibilities? i think tweek Started doing it bc he got panicked over the concept of them potentially being incompatible, but then craig was like "babe. our birthdays dont have anything else to do with how much we love each other" n so they just started reading them Together to laugh about all the things that all those websites say about their zodiacs

💙: who is more protective? i think craig tends to Seem more protective bc he can be so imposing, but theyre both Equally protective over each other

💚: who tends to get sick more often? who is better at taking care of the other? i think tweek tends to get sick More, but i think craig gets sick Worse and for Longer periods of time. n i think they both are really good at taking care of each other! tweeks really good with things like making craig soup and consistently checking his temperature, meanwhile craigs really good with things like making sure tweek is comfortable and getting him medicine

💜: who said “i love you” first? or, if neither has said it yet, who is more likely to say it first? i think tweek would say it first, but Completely on accident. i picture tweek forgetting something at craigs house one day n panicking about it, and when craig comes over to bring back whatever it was, tweeks all mindlessly tells him that he loves him for it, n then he panics and slams the door shut in craigs face and goes n hides in his room (<- i gotta write a fic around that tbh)

💛: who believes in soulmates? tweek deffo believes in them!! craig is unsure about the whole concept, but whenever tweek talks about them being soulmates, craig tells him he agrees because, well, if Tweek thinks theyre soulmates, then maybe theres something to the whole idea!

[riceccakes]

Earth, Wind, and Coffee: Chapter Two Analysis

chapter one analysis

welcome back to another installment !! idk if many people are reading this, but i enjoy analyzing my writing so i’m gonna keep doing it :) let’s get started, shall we?

some fun stuff before we start!

the first scene i wrote for this story was the dock scene

usually, when i write, i kind of just start with whatever is the first thing that comes to mind. i’d had the bulk of the story outline in my head, not written yet, but i knew i wanted this reveal about the red lotus attack. so i started with it and wrote as far as i could before deciding i should start the beginning of the fic. most of the original content is there, with some stuff added on, but i took a turn from my dialogue as it didn’t fit the narrative of the story anymore (well get to this point in a later chapter analysis, don’t worry)

not me being heavily inspired by LOVE WITCH by bisexualyoda

around the time that i started this fic and was really writing for it, i found this story on ao3 and literally read whatever chapters were out at that time in a day. it was a story that also influenced me to write in asami’s pov, as a majority of the story is from hers. (this isn’t the only reason tho, but bisexualyoda is a writing god and what else could i do but try to honor them?) it’s a stellar korrasami fic that you should read if you haven’t yet and if you haven’t yet, what are you doing, please go enjoy that masterpiece

and into the chapter we shall go:

i kinda thought it was cool to play off this idea of a barista who can’t sleep but it’s not because of the coffee like you’d expect. 

now, being a diehard korrasami fan, i knew i wanted to apply this to my girls. and, i knew from the get-go i wanted korrasami to meet as if it were more book four, where korra has gone through something really terrible and asami is a really good friend who’s there for her. so i thought it might be cool to put the two together and korra is a barista who can’t sleep. then it was getting to what exactly the trauma was that korra experienced. i didn’t want anything as severe as what korra went through in the series (our poor girl was wrongfully put through the wringer for four seasons) but i wanted something that would stick with her and still haunt her, even after a period of time. my favorite book is book three and i loved the red lotus antagonists, so i played around with their concept and turned it into what’s in the story. i was really pleased when i came up with this and only made some minor changes (i had originally explicitly given korra insomnia. i decided to change this and keep it more ambiguous because i didn’t want to inaccurately describe insomnia and somehow offend anyone who does experience it, i hate doing that) and then i was set to really start the fic.

more about povs:

so, when i first started writing this fic, the idea of multiple povs was an option. in the end, i chose only asami, for a number of reasons, but mostly for one in particular

just like asami, i wanted you guys to gradually learn about korra’s situation. sure, i could’ve went through korra’s pov and been all secret secret about it, but something about that idea doesn’t sit well with me. i liked the idea of gradual connection and in turn concern. i sprinkled some little stuff here and there, to hint that something’s up, but i feel like that’s the hook for you lil fishies to grasp onto. even in that very dock scene, i don’t give it to you right away; i dance around it, just like korra does by talking about tenzin and the temple and i mention the water and korra’s jacket and anything but the reason why korra’s called asami at 2 in the morning to come see her. this kind of tension, this kind of urgency to know what’s going on, i just don’t think would’ve been achieved had i had alternating povs.

something i really love about this chapter is how the first section and third section ends

Makeshift Boardrooms ends with korra being a complete angel and going above and beyond for asami and this presentation:

Asami is speechless. Inside, the tables and chairs have been set up as if it’s a long boardroom, fit with the donuts in the center of the table no one can ever reach. At the far end, a projector screen is set up and a loading screen is displayed on it. Asami stares at the girl, unsure of how to convey how appreciative she is for the gesture.

“Korra…”

“I know,” she quickly speaks up, her fingers behind her back fidgeting even faster, “it’s a lot, but I thought you should get the best kind of practice! And, we hosted a movie night here a while back, I wasn’t sure if Tenzin left all the equipment here but I found it all in one of the cabinets in his office and I,” she’s looking at the ground now, “is it all right?”

“All right?” Asami questions, truly confused as to how Korra could say such a thing. She reaches out, slowly, gently, placing her hand on Korra. The girl’s hands fall to her sides, Asami’s fingertips slowly linger down from the bundled fabric of Korra’s rolled up sleeve to her forearm.

now, A Turn of Events ends like how we know:

Asami falls back onto the couch, ill prepared for the unexpected burst. Korra continues huffing, gasping for air, clutching at her chest and running a hand through her hair. Asami reaches out again and that’s when Korra flinches again. She starts to sob.

“Korra…”

“Get out!”

Asami sits, staring. She isn’t sure if she heard right or not. Korra begins shaking, sobbing inconsolably. Asami just wants to reach out.

“Get. Out!”

Asami grabs her things and rushes towards the door, taking one final glance behind her shoulder. Korra’s hands cover her face, her body flinches and shakes, her sobs ring loudly in Asami’s ears. 

In between each desperate gasp for air, she can hear Korra whisper, “Please, please, stop, stop, please, stop, please.”

Asami feels her heart sink and she opens the door to leave.

i’ve bolded what i love most. it was actually unintentional, i’d only noticed after i finished the chapter and was reading through to edit, but it’s kind of beautiful, bittersweet even. there are parallels here, some less noticeable than others, but parallels nonetheless. the lingering of korra’s name is direct and the events after are strikingly different but in a way connected. in Makeshift Boardrooms, after the mention of her name, korra is sputtering word after word. in A Turn of Events, after the mention of her name, korra only says two words. it’s two sides of the same coin, showing how korra is unfortunately spiraling out and losing control of what’s going on with her. typing it out is kind of hurting me, seeing how korra’s in pain, but im the author and i know what happens later so i shouldn’t worry too much.

now getting onto asami in this section, still, the lingering of korra’s name is the most noticeable parallel. but, in Makeshift Boardroom, after korra responds, asami reassures the girl with physical touch, she’s able to reach out to her. in A Turn of Events, after korra responds, asami doesn’t react, she doesn’t know how to. korra’s in front of her, clearly in pain, and she just yelled at asami, and still asami just wants to reach out to her. once again, unintentional that this happened, but sometimes it’s the unexpected things that turn out for the best. the diction i have here, in repeating the word reach, i think it just further drives home how heartbreaking this chapter’s turned out to be. (shout out to the section title, cause things really did take a turn here) it had all seemed so good, korra was opening up to asami, they were getting closer, and then all of a sudden BAM korra has a panic attack and in a moment of utter fear, she pushes away asami. i know i put angst in the ao3 tags, but now going over it as the author, i see my angst has really gone above and beyond, but hey, i really liked how this chapter turned out

honorable mentions:

in LOVE WITCH, asami and kuvira are basically besties and i loved the idea of their friendship and i wanted to have a go at it myself! finding kuvira’s place in the story, however, was a lil tough to navigate, but when i came up with the bodyguard idea, i really liked it. i hope you guys do too :))

idk if you guys noticed but outside formal fic/writing settings, i pretty much only type in lowercase. however, i do type in complete sentences and the only abbreviation i really use is idk so don’t mind me lowkey projecting onto korra here. anyways, i know most phones have the default setting for texts to be first word already uppercase. i have mine turned off but figured korra would have hers on cause 1) she prefers it this way and 2) even if she wanted to turn it off, she doesn’t know how to. plus, i liked the idea of her enjoying emoticons better than emojis. i love emojis but i always do a lil sideways smiley ( :) ) and to me it’s super cute and i’m sure korra would see it the same way

the end of this chapter is not what i had first intended! truth be told, i didn’t know what exactly was going to happen at the end of the chapter, but i knew what would happen after it, i just needed a bridge. in my og timeline, i had a couple different options: the one i almost went through with was asami suggesting they move into together (which is admittedly super soon and super fast so like, it would scare off korra), another was something intimate that would still scare korra off (this one wasn’t too elaborated on, perhaps a forehead touch, or super close faces, idk. obviously this doesn’t happen, but it had been in consideration), i’d actually even considered something physical, but that was quickly cut off the list, as that is NOT how i wanted this story to go. anyways, because of how this chapter ended, the whole rest of the story changed and i couldn’t be happier.

anything i would’ve wanted to change?

im still super self conscious about the length but at the same time, also not, idk how to describe it. anyways, i think what i actually would’ve liked is keeping something from the Home Life section i took out. when i first wrote it, asami actually had a desk mate and he was flamboyant and sassy and i loved him. looking back now, i would’ve loved to have kept him and the scene with him, but i took it out cause i was scared the chapter was too long. after reading everyone’s comments though, about how they don’t care how long chapters are/longer chapters are better, i gave myself some more slack with the last chapters. his name was ryuichi, rip ryuichi

surprise epilogue is out now too, so enjoy the rest of the fic! if you have any questions, feel free to ask :)))

[letamreviews]

Top of 2019

With 56 films watched and 27 favorited in 2019, I composed a list of my top. By pure happenstance, the list is almost an exact third (18) of the total films watched. Be aware that I don’t have as much to say about some of these because I took no notes after.

Because I’d be biased towards them, I don’t count the National Theatre Live plays.

Since the list is likely to be altered between now and the end of February (to accommodate for films missed), check the Lettboxd list later on to see an up to date listing, but be aware that it intentionally lacks the details provided here.

EDIT (01/04/20):

Woke up this morning religiously re-reading this and caught some grammar errors. It’s almost like staying consistently well-rested is actually beneficial. While I’m at it, Blind Rating (BR) is how worthwhile the film is watching “blind” (or knowing nothing). The scale is 1 (worth it) to 5 (you must). ‘Eh is essentially a 0.5.

1. Midsommar (USA)

Saw the original and Director's Cut in theatres and discussed them with a group immediately after both times. I’m somewhere between really liking it and loving it. Still unsure. Hell of an experience with a lot to notice, debate over, and pick up on during the second viewing. Don’t even get me started on the Christian/Dani matter. Dat tension, tho. Blind Rating: 4/5

2. Us (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I’m digging the allegories and the way (I think) it reflects on society. Dem reveals, tho. Blind Rating: 4/5

3. Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. Two things probably play a huge hand in this not being atleast 3 spots lower: my demographic and the fact that her older self constantly reminded me of my grandma and a certain middle school teacher. Regardless, it’s an entertaining, interesting, and lively documentary with its many personalities on-screen all giving their take on matters along with Ms. Morrison herself. Glad they managed to finish and release this 1.25 months before her death. Blind Rating: 0/5

4. When They See Us (USA)

Saw on Netflix over the course of a month. Y’all, this one hurt too much to watch again any time soon. Admittedly, part of the reason why it hit me so hard is because I could easily have been one of them. Dat ending, tho. Don’t forget to watch the Oprah followup When They See Us Now after. You’ll ball (again). Blind Rating: 3/5

5. Parasite (South Korea)

Saw an advance screening in theatres and watched a live post-film Q&A. I really like it. This hit me in such a way that it’s one of three films I’m writing an essay on. Planing on watching it a second time soon so I can finish with a sense of accuracy. This isn’t one that I would recommend looking at images for. There are some that will spoil the experience of the second half. Seriously, block the “Parasite” tag from your feed if you can. Blind Rating: 3/5

6. Luce (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. This was is so~ good as a thriller and especially in regards to being Black in America. Wanted to watch it a second time but never managed to squeeze it in before it left theatres. Dem performances, tho. Dat tension, yo. Dat score, bro. Blind Rating: 1/5

7. Them That Follow (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with someone immediately after. I love it. Blind Rating: 1/5

A drama influenced thriller about a religious and somewhat self-isolating community that's effectively blanketing a realistic romance. (snip) —Letterboxd review

8. The Souvenir (United Kingdom)

Saw in theatres (partially because so many movie peeps were shitting on it). I love it, but I didn't fucking love it. Was tempted to see it again, but didn’t get the chance. Dat ending, tho. While it was a movie peep telling me the whole plot that caused me to gain so much interest in it [Cabin in the Woods (2011) all over again, amiright?], I must say that the less you know the better. It’ll make for... a more immersive experience. Blind Rating: 3/5

9. After the Wedding (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I thought I really liked it, but I love it. This was a trip down unexpected lane, le'me tell ya. The trailer is a spoilerful lie, but the Landmark's description is very accurate. People's experiences will have a heavy hand in how they react to it and feel about certain characters. The way they made this feel like a constant thriller was excellently done. Dat cinematography, tho. Go in knowing nothing more than what the previous link provides. Blind Rating: 1/5

10. Joker (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I really like it. Blind Rating: 1/5

(slight spoilers)

This was difficult to watch at times, but hella captivating throughout. Arthur's reasoning is believable, his sanity is questionable, and his life is indeed one hell of a joke. Like watching an extreme example of what happens when people on the lower end lose access to social programs. This can very easily be taken as a commentary on mental illness kept unchecked. More than that, it's a story about a guy who accepts his "crazy" and transcends poverty, circumstance, and societal bullshit... at everyone else's expense. (snip) —Letterboxd review

11. Miles Davis: Birth of the Cool (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I really like it. Captivating documentary in a very similar style to Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am, but with Mr. Davis never joining the “talking heads” (as people like to call it) and instead being heard as a constant narrator of his own biography. Regardless of how I feel about him on a personal level, this shit was a great watch and the ending hit hard. Still need to get his autobiography, though. There’s a nostalgic factor for me here since I was partially reminded of my grandpa while watching it. Blind Rating: 'eh

12. Queen & Slim (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with someone immediately after. Fuck yeah, I enjoyed this one. Dat soundtrack and cinematography, bruh? 👌🏿 The throwback soundtrack, main characters’ racial group, and fact that they went to New Orleans definitely play a hand in why this one’s not atleast 1 spot lower. Blind Rating: 1/5

13. Dwelling in the Fuchon Mountains (China)

Saw in theatres during festival and attended discussion days later. I really like it. Was long, but in a good way. Similar to Ash is Purest White (2018) in that I kept thinking "please end here," but would be glad it didn't later. It's beautifully slothy and has absurdly long tracking shots. The cinematography during walking conversations is notable. Dat trick, tho. Blind Rating: 'eh

14. A Girl Missing (Japan)

Saw in theatres during festival and discussed with a group immediately after. Bruh~, this is a hell of a personal trial. Didn’t expect it to go the places it did. Blind Rating: 1/5

15. Dutch Angle: Chas Gerretsen & Apocalypse Now (Netherlands)

Saw on MUBI on phone. I love it. This goes over his childhood (for 8 minutes), career paths, photography of 9/11/1973's Chilean coup d'etat, the 6 months he spent on-set photographing Apocalypse Now (1979), and him as a person. What I didn’t expect was how much he would get into the details of things happening during that film’s development. Along with those details are interesting photos presented excellently in a way that’s reminiscent of manga at times. I like the way the photos take center point and are treated like the foreground. It’s like the director and editor forced themselves to remain aware that the documentary was showcasing 15% of the total slides housed in the Nederlands Fotomuseum’s archives in Rotterdam and that most of his Apocalypse Now photos were never seen. Dat score, tho [Ex Machina (2014) vibes]. Blind Rating: 0/5

BTW, it had its official (Dutch national) release by EYE Filmmuseum on 12/19/19 in the Netherlands, so maybe it’ll come to the USA soon. 🤷🏿‍♂️ Forgot to mention it’s been added as a special feature to the 40th anniversary 4K blu-ray disc of Apocalypse Now: Final Cut (2019).

16. Receiver (Ireland)

Saw on MUBI on phone. I really like it. A very interesting short film in three odd segments. First was disturbing; second was about activism, protests, and politics; third was about the person I assume the film was made for. All compose what I took as a film about the importance of having reliable sound and hearing. Needs to be watched alone with good sound quality (for immersion). Blind Rating: 'eh

17. Bacurau (Brazil)

Saw in theatres during festival. I really like it. This was some Most Dangerous Game shit with a hell of an ending. The whole game is an allegory of civilized people's obsession with hunting wild animals for "sport". I really like the portrayal of history here and enjoyed the racial matters it lays bare. I can only imagine someone watching this without knowing a thing. Kinda wish I didn’t even read the description beforehand. Digging the soundtrack. Blind Rating: 1/5

18. Little Women (USA)

Saw on 35mm and discussed with others on separate occasions. I really like it. This was just warming and sad. I felt for the main characters and actually felt satisfied with the way it ended. Considering the type of film, there are handful of typical things for me to complain about. That being said, the movie earned its stars back. I mean, did you not see their attic performances? Shit was dope. Blind Rating: ‘eh

[amazingmichelleman]

Tell me your opinions on BatB 2017 (it's one of those things where left to myself I'll dislike it, but I am capable of flipping a mental switch and appreciating a bunch of things about it. ("Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."))

i know its been like 15 years since you sent this but here we go. I liked the beauty and the beast live action movie for three main reasons. 1.) more detailed individual character growth 2.) good updates to the music 3.) gastoni mean, everything that people complain about is totally right, theres a lot of wonky stuff in the movie but idk i still just think its funand as a note before i start getting into it, i realized one big thing i liked when i watched linsay ellis’s video on youtube when she complained bc there wasnt very much romance but THATS WHY I LIKED IT LOL. the movie is more concerned with belle’s and beast’s individual character growth than their romance AND TBH if this movie had gone the way of maleficent and purposely shunned romantic love for the power of platonic love honestly that would have been a MUCH stronger plot line. beast and belle had real bff vibes. ah what could have been...

ok so 1.) character plots. this was a very 50/50 split bc gaston and beast got well developed arcs, belle only got like half way through hers before it was dropped, and the servants was like.....you didnt even try did u.gaston ill get to later, but the beast i loved cause he had more lines where he was just being chill and not sad or angry, unlike in the original. his story was very much about unlearning toxic masculinity and stopping the cycle of abuse from his dad, and i thought that was way cooler than the “changed by belle’s love” trope. they seemed a lot more like friends and shared common interests in books. and like. when beast scoffs at belle cause she likes a “girly” book like romeo and juliet but then she catches him reading it and enjoying it later? thats good stuff man. thats gooood stuff. 

and just like. the song where hes singing to his mom “not until my whole life is done will i ever leave you.....” AND THEN HIS MOM DIES AND HIS DAD LEADS HIM AWAY reblog uf u crie evry tiem.... and then when they go thru the book thing and he’s like Oh Paris I Love Paris What Shall We See First!!! an absolute cutieBelle’s story really started going somewhere and im mad that it just ended like “figured out my origin story so guess im cool now” like no. they had a really good line in the song that went “i was innocent and certain, now im wiser but unsure” and then that’s never resolved! like belle has always been such a cool character who didnt let beast walk all over her and when he finally figured out her boundaries, thats when they could start to communicate like hello?? awesome woman alert and you just let that drop?? and everyone says that belle’s backstory abt her mom wasnt needed and theyre probs right but the scene where beast is like Paris?! meanwhile belle brooding in the background. good stuff. belle’s song, the plague doctor, her dad being forced to leave his wife behind.........................good food man good foodand the servants everyone has talked abt. the whole “it was our fault the beast was abused” nonsense, plus in general their line abt “whats a servant without serving”, and that evil village lady reuniting with cogsworth and its played off as a joke, like why do you gotta do these good men and woman dirty like that2.) music?? good!!!! good music. days in the sun? good. gaston song?? good!! kill the beast!!! so good. it was all good.3.) Gaston!!!!!!!!!! a problematic fave wow!!! i think what really makes him good is the actor choice. i generally dont care abt actors so i dont know anything abt the man, but he seems like a good guy ya know. if the actor was sketch playing a bad character id be like ew but cause the actor seems nice and hes playing a bad character im like whoohoo!! is that weird? idk whateverGaston’s descend into evilness is like. the character arc of the decade my man. the way you expect him to do his douchey thing in the beginning like in the original, but he’s actually not that bad, and u know he DOES have a point abt spinsters not able to thrive in this time period, like guilt tripping not cool, but he didnt say “women shouldnt read!!” so thats a step upand he like. genuinely wanted to win her over by helping her dad. like he really tried but belle’s dad really pushed all his villain buttons man! so he did a bad thing like not cool dude. and then!!!! then he’s got to stick with it and defend himself against the townspeople. they’re not madly in love with him so he’s got to MAKE them that way. the way he turns around that conversation was SO good and roping lefou in against his will and jumping on the kill the beast thing to save his own skin. and from there he’s just gotta keep going!! he’s gotta hunt down the beast not just for belle but for himself and his standing in the village. like i just thought that whole spiral was done SOOO well. best part of the movie tbh. and even tho lefou’s sexuality was problematic, it really added to his and gaston’s arcs of one person becoming evil and their close friend jumping ship on the situation bc they know that their loved one is wrong.so like. yeah. live action beauty and the beast, man.

[trickstarbrave]

today in reasons i feel shitty: my friend blew up on me on twitter bc i kept ASKING him if he wanted to play dnd with us bc hes a part of our group. i asked him if he could LAST WEDNESDAY and he has been giving me the run around since then. saying “i dont know yet” and “ill tell you when i do”. i tell him to let us know sunday at least, because the only days off he has are monday and tuesday. he says okay

sunday evening comes and he hasnt said shit so i ask him. hes drunk and i tell him we’ll talk tomorrow. monday i ask him if he can play tomorrow and he says hes “not sure and will need to ask if theyre playing mtg” so i say “okay”. he doesnt reply back all day. TODAY i ask him if he wants to play today or not and he says “i have to pick up a court summons” (not, “actually sorry i am playing mtg today”, not “i dont feel like playing, im sorry”). i sound suspicious but say “okay” and remind him we havent played in over a week AS IS. and he then GOES OFF ON ME for “guilt tripping him” and “making it an ~obligation~ he plays” and how i “stress him out by asking over and over again”. when i tell him he should have told me straight out he didnt want to play instead of just giving vague “maybe i dont know” answers he gets defensive even more and says “I DID” and when i say “no, you didnt, the only thing vaguely like that is you saying “im gonna be tired” on a question about your days off. thats not a yes or no answer and lots of us play while tired so why would i assume it was something else” 

“WELL ITS NOT MY FAULT YOURE A BUNCH OF SADISTS WHO HAD TO TURN A FUN CASUAL GAME INTO A OBLIGATION WHERE YOU ALL ARE FORCED TO PLAY SICK OR TIRED! i cant even SAY i dont want to play because you all guilt trip me and get mad when i do.” 

see, he doesnt say “sorry guys my next days off will be full and im not up to it.” and apologize for keeping us waiting or giving us the go ahead to play without him (WEVE HAD THIS DISCUSSION BEFORE and PURPOSEFULLY made the game so if he doesnt want to play he can leave whenever so long as its not in the middle of a fucking mission. okay. its not like we just sit there doing nothing but complain if he cant play). he waits until the DAY OF OUR GAME to tell is he purposefully made plans on game night, no he cant change them, no he was absolutely always forced to do them right now during game time, and then get pissy when we all complain because we dont even have time to plan around him and have cleared out our evening for nothing and our time is wasted. 

he then keeps going on and on because apparently i was just supposed to know the words “im tired” and his vague answers like hes genuinely unsure about the state of tomorrow were him “actually” telling me he doesnt even want to play and i should have fucking caught on, he wanted to quit this game MONTHS ago. i was just supposed to know him being ‘busy’ was a ‘secret message’ that actually meant ‘just stop even asking me when i want to play a game and hang out with my friends! just stop inviting me in general! i dont like you or the game! its not fun and stresses me out and im LYING to you.” and we just all fucking ignore him and play without him and let him figure out we havent even been giving him the opportunity to join to play

which is so fucking. terrible. who would just assume “thats what you mean”???? like imagine if you WERENT doing this and actually were really busy and your friends just eventually stopped even inviting you to game night, only for you to check the group chat months later and find out they have been playing without you and having fun and didnt even bother inviting you to anything at all. you just find this out. and by the time you figure it out they might have done a lot stuff or played games YOU wanted to play and they arent going to go back and replay the stuff you missed bc they just assumed you were lying to their faces and it wouldnt matter anyways if you were there or not. how hurtful would that be? imagine if some of your friends did that to you, would you be HAPPY they did it??? 

keep in mind HE is the one who picked out the VERY NEXT MISSION WE”RE ABOUT TO DO so fucking sorry if we assumed “HEY HE PROBABLY WANTS TO PLAY IT. YKNOW THE MISSION HE FUCKING PICKED OUT. THE MISSION INVOLVING STUFF SPECIFICALLY FOR HIS CHARACTER” oh my fucking god. 

now i dont know the state of our group bc he yelled at me more and said he quit and deleted all his tweets and our dm is miserable and put the game on hiatus for 2 fucking weeks. i feel miserable too bc my friend has been lying to me and called me a guilt tripper and manipulative for reminding him hes stringing along 5 other people by not being fucking honest with us and said its OUR PROBLEM he cant be honest even though we structured the game so he can take MONTH long breaks if he needs to just give us the heads up. i told him he could quit once we got more than 3 players bc do you know how annoying it is to do a full campaign w only 2 characters playing???? bc one of the three dropped out??? i told him to just fucking play until then and he could quit for real and he went “but i DO wanna play : ( im just stressed!” 

well now ill just fucking believe every time he complains abt smth like “man i have to spend money on this thing” that means we’re just not hanging out like we planned. im not gonna ask him if hes actually going to the ren fest even tho the bed situation was taken care of bc i just assume now that he only brought up the bed to tell me hes not fucking going and to fuck off. im not making a costume for it either if my best friend doesnt go im just gonna stay home. 

i cant read the fucking air and he knows this. hes known me forever. he knows im ignorant and dont ‘get’ stuff like “if someone keeps canceling plans that means they want you to leave them the fuck alone and stop even inviting them or talking to them”. he knows im probably autistic and struggle with ‘unsaid” social cues like that and he just STILL does this and calls ME terrible for not ‘getting it’ and ‘forcing him’ to yell at me. im rtired.

[lovely-bangtan7]

The Little Mermaid And Her Human Prince | 8

Pairings: Taehyung x reader

Genre: Mermaid!au; angst, fantasy, fairy tale

Words: 2,2k

Warnings: Mentions of sickness/illness, someone falling down

Summary: Your father, the king of the merfolk, has forbid you to come in contact with the humans. But as you see a ship with humans in need of help, you forget his rule and try to help. Unfortunately, you put yourself in danger and got saved by a beautiful human boy. Since the moment you lied your eyes on him, things have changed.

A/N: Hi! Finally after, I guess 4 weeks, a new chapter! I am so sorry that it took so long but writers block is a bitch and I visited my family in Poland for 2 weeks. I hope that you will still read the new update, eventhough I let you wait for so long.. I also hope that you can enjoy it. Maybe I kind of rushed the things in that chapter, but it’s because of the writers block and that the series might end soon ( idk how many chapters will follow, but the end is very near (sounds weird tho sorry)). So have fun my dears <3

<< Previous Chapter | Chapter 8 | Masterlist 

“When will this girl finally leave?” Amanda said angrily, her dress moving with every move her body does. She was angry and jealous at your relationship with Taehyung. She didn't exactly knew why you were here, at her fiancé’s castle and she wanted you to disappear as soon as possible.

While Amanda ran around her room, screaming her frustration out, her brother Jimin laid on her bed listening to her complaining. “Come on, she isn't dangerous or anything like that!” He told her, even if he didn't believe his own words. Jungkook had told him how Taehyung looked at you and how he treated you. It was clear to everyone, even Amanda and Jimin that Taehyung was in love with you.

“Have you seen how he looks at her?!” She gasped to Jimin who was just rollhis eyes. “That girl, whoever she is and where ever she comes from is in my way!”

“You are overreacting.” Jimin commented more to himself than to his sister, he didn’t bother to listen to her complaints anymore, he started to be sick of his own sister, who always wants her way. “Well, excuse me, I got to go dear sister. I will leave you and your conclusions alone.”

Amanda grunted at her brother, who was now leaving her room, but before he left it she added something, making Jimin turn around on his heel to face his sister.

“I am going to get rid of her on my own then.”

“What the hell are you doing now?!” He asked her, watching her laughing.

The castle started to fill with many guests for the King’s birthday. Many other Kings and Queens from other kingdoms visit the king to celebrate his birthday. It was already evening and the sun set down, letting the many stars dance on the sky and the moon shine so bright in all it’s glory. The castle looked magnificent in the moonlight, the many lights that came from inside made it look even more beautiful.

You were standing in your open window in your room, watching as more and more people came. You were already wearing a beautiful gown, that fit your figure. The long skirt decorated with many flower patterns, you loved it the moment Patricia showed you the dress. She told you that Taehyung ordered a dressmaker to make a dress especially for you.

Your hair was falling down on your shoulders in soft curls.

When you were ready you entered the dance hall, where you saw Jungkook and Jimin dancing the other day. The room was now filled with many people, wearing beautiful clothes, it was warm and it smelled like food, it reminded you of Jin’s kitchen.

You felt the people staring at you, so many unfamiliar faces were in front of you, watching you as you searched for someone you knew. But in all these strange faces was no one you knew. Regrets started to flood your mind as you scanned the room, maybe you shouldn’t have come and stayed in your room? But finally you found a pair of eyes that you actually knew, you felt happy too see her until you realised that Amanda’s eyes watched you with hate and anger. Until now you couldn’t understand whenever you met her, her face was filled with anger?

It felt like a sting in your heart by the thought that you might be alone for tonight in between of so many unknown people. You couldn’t find Namjoon, Jin or Jungkook and neither Taehyung.

You were about to turn around and eventually leave, but a voice stopped you.                  “Y/n! There you are, I waited for you!” Taehyung said with a bright smile, he looks at you up and down and is mesmerized. Taehyung took your hand in his and spinned you around, your dress swirling with you. “You look beautiful…” You smiled at his comment, indeed you felt beautiful in that dress. “Do you want to dance with me?” Taehyung asked you with a hushed voice. You weren’t sure if you should take his offer to dance with him, you didn’t felt comfortable to dance in front of so many people, especially when you learned it only a few days ago. But as you looked him in the eyes, all that didn’t matter anymore.

“Sure.” You answered him and his smile grew even more bright. He took you to the middle of the room, where the guests let a free space for others to dance. Music started to play in the background and you saw how the people circled you and Taehyung and finally you saw some friends of yours. Namjoon, Jimin and Jungkook were also standing at the side, with Taehyung and Jungkook’s father. Your three friends were sending you encouraging smiles and Taehyung’s father wore a proud smile.

Taehyung put his hand on your small back, while he held one of your hand. As soon as the Music started to get louder, you and Taehyung started to dance.

Your long dress dances over the ground as you dance with Taehyung. Your dancing wasn’t perfect, but the moment was. You tried to concentrate on the man who was staring down at you, his eyes filled with so much love. The people around you, your family and Hobi long forgotten. In that moment you had your eyes only for Taehyung.

Everything was perfect until your legs gave up and an unbearable pain shot through your body. You tried to hold on Taehyung, but the pain paralyzed your body and you fell to the ground.

“Y/n? Y/n?!” Taehyung didn’t understood what happened. His face fell in pure horror, from one second to the other his whole world fell apart. “Y/n...whats wrong?” He was unsure what he should do, he was just watching your face strained in pain he didn't noticed that Namjoon and Jungkook rushed to his side and tried to help you bring out of the room.

The guests started to whisper, which soon started to grow into talking. What was going on? Why did you stopped dancing? Why were you in pain?

The noise coming from the guests started to get loud and it hurt your ears, causing an immense pain in your head.

Namjoon and Jungkook brought you back in your room, Patricia and Jin also rushed into your room followed by a confused and sick worried Taehyung.

“What happened? What happened to her?” Patricia demanded an explanation from the boys, who just shrugged helplessly with their shoulders. The older woman shoved Namjoon and Jungkook away and sat down next to your laying figure on your bad. Sweat started to form on your forehead and your breathing was short. “She is burning hot, we need a doctor!”

Taehyung could only watch the scene from the back of the room, unable to move or say a word. Should he have gave you your stone when he found you on the beach? Are you sick because he was too selfish to let you go?

An hour after the doctor finished checking you up and with deep regret he doesn't know what causes your fever and your immense pain. By now every guest has left the castle and almost everyone that worked or lived in the castle was either in your room or standing in front of your room. Everyone was worried about you.

“All I can say is that she needs a lot of rest and that we can just hope for the best.” That is what the doctor said before he left and that’s when everyone else left you alone in your room, so that you could get some rest.

Taehyung couldn't stay any longer in your room, he started to feel guilty, seeing you in pain.

All you wanted is to help him and warn him, the day the sea witch attacked his ship, but now you ended up at the edge of death. Taehyung wanted to punch himself, because he was too selfish and hurt someone he loves so dearly. You and his mom were the only women in his life that he could live with all of his heart, but why is it that he always hurts them? He was standing on the balcony to get some fresh air and some time alone to reflect his past actions and what he should do now.

“Let her go…” said a voice behind him, he didn't notice that Namjoon has joined him on the balcony.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know, in all of these years of reading I once read about something that-” Namjoon hesitated for a second, before he started to speak again. “ I don't know how to explain, but y/n is in pain, because she wasn't home for a long time or in other words, she sick because she wasn't in her true form for a long time.”

Namjoon’s words confirmed Taehyungs thought, which he has feared for the past hour. It was his fault that you are in pain.

“You should let her go Taehyung or she will die here!” Namjoon said.

Taehyung was fighting with himself, more like his heart was fighting against him. He promised to help you go back to the ocean, but he fell so hard in live with you that he started to hop that you could stay by his side. Now you were lying here with high fever and pain. He felt bad and guilty, he was mentally punching himself that he didn't gave your stone back the day he had found it.

You can’t force love and sometimes you need to let the ones you love go, they can be happy again

“Okay.” He said, a knot already forming in his throat and his heart growing heavy. “I will let her go.”

Taehyung returned to your room, determined to give you your stone and tell you the story behind it, he wanted to be honest with you and tell you everything. Namjoon decided to let the two of you for that moment alone and went to the kitchen where Jin, Jimin and Jungkook were sitting and talking. All of them looked sad and the atmosphere there was thick. The king and Amanda weren't found anywhere, the boys guessed that they went to their rooms, but neither of them expected the next events. Taehyung came running into the kitchen, with wide eyes and short breathing. The words that came from the oldest prince shocked everyone.

“Y/n isn't in her room!”

“Honey, I am trying to help. Okay?” Said Amanda to your weak figure as she dragged you outside of the castle and went to the sea. “Some fresh air will make you feel better, believe me! I once had to fight with these symptoms too and fresh air helped me.”

You weren't sure why, but you had an odd feeling by her words, you kind of couldn't believe her.

“But the doctor-”

“Screw the doctor, honey. He is old and doesn't know what he is saying. Didn't you hear? He said that he doesn't know why you got sick. What kind of doctor said things like these and give up?” She chuckles and dragged you now quicker in the direction of the sea. “Come on, the air coming from the sea will help you.”

The two girls of you reached to the cliff where you saw Hobi days ago. The sea was dangerously rough and dark. Waves were crashing at the shores of the cliff, the water splashing on your face. It didn't felt good, it was really cold and you felt uncomfortable by it and all you wanted is to go back to the castle where it was safe for you. “Amanda, I don't think that this is a good idea. Let's go back please.”

“Go back, huh.” Amanda said standing behind you, dangerously near. “So you can run back into the arms of my dear fiancé, my soon-to-be husband?”

“What are you talking about?” Amanda started to be scary, her words were aroused with disgust and anger, what wrong with her and why did she bring you here?

“Of Course you don't know what I am talking about. How pathetic. You think that I don't notice that you are trying to steal him from me? Take my spot?” She said while slowly walking to you, in small steps, she stared you in your eyes, her sharp eyes digging in you own eyes. If looks could kill someone, you were sure that this look what have already ripped you in many parts. “Y/n, listen here. He is mine and you will never be able to take him away.”

Taehyung and his friends searched every spot in the castle. It shouldn't be hard to find a sick girl, who was barely able to walk on her own to find right?

“Have you searched outside?” Jungkook asked his older brother. Taehyung didn't think twice about that instead he ran outside as fast as he could. He wanted to find you as soon as possible and get you save, back in his arms. Without thinking he ran to the direction of the cliff that was near the castle and the second he got near it he could hear screams and the horrible sound of a body hitting the water, down the cliff.

[cinnamccn-blog]

GET TO KNOW YOUR RP PARTNER! ( repost, please don’t reblog )

tagged by ( kind of stolen but SHH ) : @smellslikejustice tagging: any mutuals !

BASICS

▐ NAME: kait  ▐ PRONOUNS: she && they !  ▐ SEXUALITY: pansexual ! ▐ TAKEN OR SINGLE: single pringle lol ▐ FIVE FACTS:

if you’ve read my mun about , i am a type 1 diabetic !! this essentially means that , no , i did not get it from having a bad diet / other things that are stereotypes around my illness , i got it from my body taking a look at my pancreas and literally drop kicking it to the point i could've died lol ( i’m good now tho !! ) 

i LOVE the legend of zelda series w/ a burning passion && i would fight the sun for it. ( one of the characters in the series helped me realize i’m not straight too :’’) ) 

i’m hoping to buy a axolotl and a snake at some point in the next few years !! 

i’m scared of spiders but tarantulas.. tarantulas look cute and it’s so conflicting lol

i am so bad at talking to people omg. i just get rlly nervous and i take forever asdgh i’m sorry haha

EXPERIENCE

▐ HOW LONG ( YEARS/MONTHS ) : about six to seven years !!  ▐ PLATFORMS USED: wolfquest , multiple webs rp websites , deviantart , google hangouts // gmail , tumblr  ▐ BEST EXPERIENCE: tumblr’s loz rpc ! i met some very nice people who helped me learn about formatting , icons && how to plot ! all in all : very good fandom && community. too bad none of my muses for it are really awake rn :( 

MUSE PREFERENCES

▐ MALE OR FEMALE: girls. def girls. they’re just easier for me to write , although i have been writing male muses lately too !!  ▐ FAVORITE FACE: .. midn.a from twilight princess ▐ FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT: fluff && angst !! i’m a minor so uh. no smut here lol. but i love either destroying characters emotionally or making them and their relationships so sweet your teeth could rot out :’‘) ▐ PLOTS OR MEMES: either one’s good !! i’m a bit bad at convo’s like i’ve stated before , so memes tend to be easier for me to get to , but i would love to plot with some people sometime ! i’ve been meaning to work on doing that more so hmu if you ever want to plot !!  ▐ LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: depending on my muse and how interested  ▐ BEST TIME TO WRITE: when i have free time && the muse to do so :’) i tend to write later in the day and drift off into later hours since i have a awful sleep schedule. (( i’m writing this at 1:30 .. whoops. ))  ▐ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: in some ways , yes ! a large handful of the characters i write tend to be a bit nervous && unsure , and/or are very motherly && tender. i’m def not motherly && i don’t really like kids like they do either , so you can see how i contrast a bit w/ tori haha. but like tori , i have trouble admitting when i’m wrong && i’m bad at making amends / letting go of various grudges depending on the severity of the action done. so , basically , as i stated before , in some ways , yes. 

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE SEVEN

“I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING.” - joey

HOH: Nathan UPSIDE DOWN: Emma NOMINEES: Jev & Kiki POV: Joshua FINAL NOMINEES: Josh C & Kiki EVICTED: Josh C (6-0)

ARIA

So,,,i highkey fucked up but all good things come to an end, I couldn't play the middle forever but the way it ended was just a little earlier than i expected. Also i handled the backlash of the dpov HORRIBLY! I did so many things wrong this week its insane even though i was on all day calling people i still fucked up,,,but its fine nothing i can really do to change that. But from here i want to fix things and do better, which does start with addressing where I fucked up so lets start with that woot woot (also holy shit that double was so draining this is the first time ive felt legitimately tired in a while and its only 1 am) 

1. COMP FLOPS

-literally all my allies flopped on the comps when we REALLY needed to win and its even worse combined with the information I was told where people told me they were throwing just to do well instead- its clear they weren't being honest with me and I settled into their lies without an ounce of hesitation 

2. LACK OF KNOWLEDGE

I just really settled certain things poorly leading up to this night, i think somewhere i majorly fucked up is with emma, if i was able to get her to vote out nick or get jacob to dpov someone she would vote out i would be in a much better position atm but i didn't and therefore ive exposed myself. And if i was able to receive knowledge of her rose gold dpov before hand i couldve worked out a new plan that way

3. DAMAGE CONTROL

This is where i **truly** fucked up and its gonna show in my jury management too, like theres NO way i could ever get nicks vote at this point in time. Also my gut instinct after the vote was to lie about the way i voted to kiki/joshua/nick/jev when i shouldve came clean and used a bullshit excuse about how i heard nick was after me or something. It's gonna damage my relationships with all of them

SO wabam here i am slightly fucked due to me being a mess but its okay!! I'm still in the game and while im not in as good as a position as I was last time im still certain i can get back into everyones good graces!! And i mean this vote did reveal that a lot of people consider me to be in a duo with them??? which um is kinda weird HBFSHDF Like joey and emma were both calling us duo of the season and i was like....k cute cool totally called that and knew we were a duo yup yup- FBHJDSBF LMAO but i mean in terms of my own position you have the two trios (jacob/bri/nathan and jev/kiki/joshua) who are going to go after each other with Josh C and Emma leaning toward jev/kiki/joshua while me and joey lean towards jacob/bri/nathan. Its crazy that its literally f10 and its five versus five with hardly any true middle player (for now wink wonk) 

But now that nick is out I need to think about whats next and whats my next big move. I think rn im involved with a lot of moves but im not the face of them (bri using pov on nathan, jacob dpoving bri) and such but if i want to win I have to make a move of my own and DEF need to work on jury management bc again nick is gonna hate my guts after reading my gbm,,,as yousef would say "oopsie whoopsie" so I think from here I need to get back in jev/kiki/joshua's good graces SOME how and im really tempted to come clean about my vote bc i think thats going to hurt me in the long run and theres literally already an alliance of all five of that side so like....whats the point of sewing mistrust but also, i do kinda want to try just being a dirty crime snake this game and seeing how much control I truly have on this game. Literally EVERYONE except those three knows my true vote and i've told them all to keep it to themselves so we'll see what happens,,,, im kinda tempted to pin the vote on emma just for funsies and tell them that "jacob told me hes close to emma" or some bs like that but also,,,thats kinda mean yknow? Its also a testament to test how much that trio trusts me which im GUESSING is less than emma but who knows maybe ill get lucky :DD 

Anyways in terms of moving on I really need someone who actually likes me to join jury so its not completely set against me the whole time but also im not sure how thats gonna go down ugh. I mean in terms of end game my options are starting to become limited because nathan/bri/jacob would all BODY me at the end bc at this point they've been the face of big moves and I hope my big move can be turning on one of them and getting them out at some point so when i really start to look at a realistic f2 I can win,,, im kinda leaning toward my new duos of emma or joey which is kinda a shocker to me too lemme tell u HFBSDF but joey's perception of the game seems,,,,messy and I think i can beat him while emma is def doing better but she hasnt snapped yet so i think i can maybe beat her. And then jev/joshua/kiki depends im not sure yet but the thing with them is none of them are gonna want to bring me to the end which is super frustrating (i mean i did just snake em so,,,maybe its deserved) 

The thing is that I like being honest about my vote so trying to have an honest game convo with any of those three is gonna be really hard,,,,esp considering they were all my targets for live night but here we are :') And i really dont know what to do at this point which is really annoyinggg (annoying @ myself theyre all lovely) I think im gonna have to wait a bit before i can try getting them all to fully trust me rn i dont know this has been such a mess but im doing my best!! Before i end this probably poorly aging paragraph its trust ranking time

1.myself (FUCK, and i cant stress this enough, EVERYONE)

HUGE GAP

2.Brianna (shes slowly becoming more stuck in jacob's trap but i do still think shes loyal to me, god IS a woman!!!)

3.Jacob (hate having this man so high bc hes bodying this game but he tells me a lot ig :/ )

ANOTHER GAP

4. Nathan (we need to call and discuss live night but he isnt going to like nominate me or anything)

5.Joey (apparently we're a f2?? not sure where that happened but also hes cagey idk)

-smol gap-

6.Josh C (told me his alliance!! shame he doesnt know im gonna rat him out to my side teehee)

7.Emma (we're also a duo?? almost forgot about that but i fucked her over here a bit but i can build the trust back up i THINK)

anothe gap

8.Jev (he talked to me after live night and didnt ask about my vote so thats cute....not sure where we stand...help)

9.Kiki (we talked briefly after the vote but idk if they realized im a snake yet)

10.Joshua (the silence is deafening) 

Not happy w/ my position yet and im likely to just come clean to joshua in a call tmrow because hes honestly really sweet and his friendship means a lot to me but i need to figure out how I leave me connection with jacob/bri out of it.. ill think of something

praying im not the most hated here but if i am it wouldnt be the first time ig, and thats on pewiod <3

JOEY

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I AM THRIVING. ABSOLUTELY THRIVING. Not a damn soul is coming after me, and more importantly, I have numbers on my side, and no one’s gonna be pissed off at me on BOTH sides of the house. People say Josh C is playing both sides? Nah, it’s me. I need him out because I’m trying to ride that middle man status. My ideal plan is to see Emma go home next week, so that way I ain’t responsible. I want to get rid of Jacob at Final 7, and I will damn sure make that happen. Aria and I have a Final 2 that I plan on sticking to. Seeing Nick go was sad, but good lord it was I-C-O-N-I-C.

EMMA

Everything in this game lately has honestly pissed me off first it was me getting blindsided during live night even though i didnt really want to vote nathan if i was being honest i wanted brianna out over nathan because i thought nathan would be more easier to work with them boom Dpov and boom nick going i am like a little unsure if i regret using the dpov or not i do regret it well because nathan won hoh and sent me to the upside down and nick probably wouldnt try super hard for hoh but then again it seemed my so called allies were probably more closer to nick but i am not even sure my so called low confidence is my weakness in my games but i dont know how to be more confident pretty sure everyone beats me in the end at this point unless if i win an hoh if i do at this point Jacob/Brianna/even nathan getting nominated i didnt want nathan out before like if i won hoh i would of put him to the upside straight up nominate brianna and jacob if one of them goes off the block joey gets put up as a pawn after the upside down week im gonna do whatever to make it to the end idc if i go to the end with somebody i cant beat i just want to make this game enjoyable for me as i can i dont want to float for awhile then bring a goat to the end NNN 

EMMA

my shit list  in order to who i target to who isnt on my rader

Jacob > Nathan > Brianna > Joshua = Aria > Jev > Kiki/Josh C > Joey

who i like most to who is most annoying to play on a game level (i dont really hate or dislike anyone on a personal level)

Aria > Jev > Joshua *tiny gap*  Nathan > Kiki/Josh C >>>>>>>>>>> Jacob > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Joey = brianna also joey would be higher but he lied to me for no reason even tho i didnt mind putting alot of trust in me and i love brianna on a personal level but girl i am not good socially with her which is my fault and her fault also jacob kinda assumed stuff about me like not big stuff like meta  but he still told other people except me (people who are out who i love)  Gina/Jakey > Saira=Nick=Monty=Mo *small gap* Nash >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> dog shit > Taylers dinner (dylan and the og homies know it) >>>>>>>>>>>> DEM

but yeah this game has made me happy because everyone is nice except dem but its been hard to play it because if i felt better i think i would of been playing a 100x times better game

JEV

So I'm safe but it comes at the cost of one of my two favourite people in this game. I've arguably grown closest to Josh C throughout this game, but I promised Joshua that if he saved me with veto I'd vote however he wanted and he wants Josh C to leave over Kiki. This week is me and Nash as final noms levels of ugly.

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szNaW65lCJ0&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=8&t=0s

[conflictedrabbit]

2* the AvPD

Conversation w/ my friend I mentioned earlier. With their name / identifying characteristics edited out and some chopping here and there. 

___: 

I made a post abt avod once tho and it got like A few rbs and I thought "if this isn't irony idk what is" Trje

66ccff: ekjal;kdjd;

___: 

me: why do, so many avoidants want to pay for being alive avpd Tumblr: hm . I relate

66ccff: ekleja;ejdl;k

___: me: I'm glad to know people relate but are we fucking ok

66ccff: 

LOL i mean mood tbh

___: HINESTLT like I noticed i do it cuz of you NFBNSBDKSBDKSS

66ccff: though do you mean pay as in like. pay the medical system or pay as in guilt

___: Guilt

66ccff: 

kejk;ldj;L yes ok that is definitely me me: i breathed 5 gallons of air within 3 hours i am so sorry world

___:

me: [realizes it's not entirely religious trauma and also probably just Guilt over taking up space and needing to help ppl otherwise Why Live?} 

Oh god me

66ccff: (this is not even ironic i get like this multiple times a week)

___: 

hdjhdjsd I've been having a bad ep lately actually and like I think I failed to look 5-6 people in the eyes today CUZ IM JUST [WALKS AROHND] WOW . TERRIBLE

66ccff: 

omg it's ok i nearly cried in class today b/c i didn't have a good eng translation for this jp sentence

i was like.... no.... don't....

i stabilized cuz the teacher went on a tangent for a second but like forcing myself to look in his eyes and act normal was so hard i looked away so many times i wa slike. oog my god. end m i love it when walking around where there's other people makes me really nervous and irritable agoraphobia is great!

___: 

GOD yea It's so awkward for me I'm fine if I have a safe person or I'm walking to class but like

66ccff: i came back from class today and took a 6 hr nap cuz of my shame and agoraphobia

___: 

Rip Wish I could do that...

66ccff: well i haven't done my homework so

___: 

I just. Cry a lot NDKSJDJDNSKDNS rip me: I'm strong Me: spent the last 5 days like crying over nothing

66ccff: 

dkjle;ajd i mean... i used to cry but then i got mad at myself for crying so now i just Repress (tm) and sleep and then. the joke is that sometimes it doesn't work self harms... oops... that didn't work either better nap again

___: 

zz Pillows keep u safe Idk what I've been doing lately but I thought I was getting better til I realized I was like Abstaining from feeding myself BFBJSBFSJJFD

66ccff: o h my god

___: 

And I was like "oh fuck I'm a terrible person bc someone told me I should eat and j Didn't Do It I Failed Them"

66ccff: 

ahahahahaahahaha i thought i was getting better too but it was actually because i was just forcing myself to study to give myself an illusion of doing my part and then i went to school and my actual performance is like bad b/c i avoid so many activities that would make me better and i just

___: samd

66ccff: 

Wow i want to die!

___: 

hdjsjdjs

I think I only managed to eat cuz my brother was expecting me to

66ccff: tavpdfw you want to be punished constantly so you don't have to have anxiety about existing

___: 

Cuz he bought me dinner like 6 hours ago but I didn't touch it til now BFJDJD MEEEEE

66ccff: dkja;eljd;

___: 

GOD me: ah I feel good today Me like 3 hours later: oh my God I shouldn't feel good abt myself that's so Selfish ? I am trash

66ccff: oh Mood

___: Avpd solidarity

66ccff: 

honestly i love my environmental soicology class but liek it talks about how we're all consuming and putting things back into the environment

___: Idk how I manage to have avpd and __pd but that's how it is on ths bitch of an earth

66ccff: and i was literally contemplating if death was the only way to take myself out from the cycle

___: 

Me Bhhjsfjd

66ccff: 

i was like holy shit. it's not just consumption i forgot i also put bad gases into the air with everything i breathe i am Bad

___: 

All day today I was hearing abt what happened in Vegas and we were like. Talking in my apologetics class abt the Nature of Evil

66ccff: the true environmentalist take is death

___: And I was just thinking "why must I, exist if all I am is bad"

66ccff: 

oh my god same! i looked over my abt page and i was like this looks fake tumblerina

___: 

apologetics: so mankind is basically evil Me: great! I'll die so there's less evil in the world

66ccff: 

me ME

MEMEMMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEME

___: HHDHSBDJSHD

66ccff: 

sometimes i have fantasies of like going backwards and apologizing to everyone i've ever talked to and to everyone who ever had to work to produce what i've consumed

___: 

M. E

m

66ccff: 

and then hoping that they forget about me and then like disappearing forever i jsut can't see how some people can be like oh yeah factories in china and mexico earn less than 2 dollars an hour to make our stuff and not jus twant to kill themselves

___: 

I'm just pathetic and compulsive if I feel bad about stuff I apologize til like 2 weeks after God. Yea

66ccff: 

the joke is that people hate if you overapologize so you jsut damned if you do damned if you dont :upside_down:

___:

me: uh sorry for being sad People: don't apologize for that Me: Avpd:.  They are mad that I am apologizing also that I am sad Hhhfjjejd

Me: 

ME WKJD;LKD "can you stop saying sorry" "sorry"

___: 

me: oh God I'm so miserable Someone: oh im sorry Me: I wish I could accept this but Pity is too much for a lowly worm like me

66ccff: "what did i just say"

___: MMSNDNBHHHHHHGGGGG

66ccff: 

:smile: :gun:

MOOD

___: avpd feel when you don't deserve to be pitied ?

66ccff: pity is too much kindness ___: 

God yea

LIKE probably just a conflicted feel but I prefer ppl being active than pitying me but then I'm like

"that's selfish I don't deserve that ?"

66ccff: 

someone tells you to watch where you're going feel like you're unable to go outside for the rest of the day

___: 

m. mebdbdhdhdjs

66ccff: oh yeah the joke is that i want people to like. be kind to me but also i don't

___: hell brain

66ccff: so i can't say what i want

___: GGG YEAH

66ccff: 

be kind to me except don't because i'll feel invalid either way so maybe just don't talk to me >feels worse anyway

___: 

Hhhhhhhhhhh me Me: talk to me ? But I don't know what to talk abt ? But I am also not good enough for pity you could just sit there maybe But then the presence of another person will overwhlem me and I'll go cry again/s

66ccff: feel free to entertain yourself, and forget about me, ___: 

Mebdndmdkskdjsja god [looks at all cluster c disorders] you are all bitches and I hate tou

66ccff: 

tavpdfw u gotta depersonalize to make it through the day of talking to other people and acting like ur a normal human bean MOOD

___: GOD yea

66ccff: 

i have a question though if im depersonalizing why do i still feel terrible even if i feel ilke im fake smh

___: God me

66ccff: 

me: i'm not real so heres me acting like i am chill and cool person that is interesting maybe or maybe not me, inside: this sucks and i hate this but im not real so it shouldnt affect me but damn i hate this when u feel separate from your auto-pilot but you still experience all the shame you would without it :thinking: avpd is stupid and contradictory and evolutionarily useless

___: 

__pd isnkind of the same but like if you manage it well you can get stuff done but you still breakdown over the TINIEST DETAIL I hate it And I waste more time thinking abt what I'm gonna do and not actully DOING MT SHIT

66ccff: cripes

___: LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

66ccff:

me in high school UGH i'm ahving that problem right now dude in high school i used to just waste my days reading manga and thnking i should do my homeworka

___: 

me: I'll spend this hour scheduling [2hours later] Me: [stressed nbdjdjjsjdjsjdks

66ccff: and then i'd like. start at 10pm and fuck myself over ___: rip 66ccff: have a crying session at 4am every time an essay is due the next day ___: I actually didn't do one of my assignments tonight 66ccff: bad coping habits ___: Rip me I got discouraged over something lame JFJSNFKSNFD 66ccff: oh mood

___:

relationship issues: occur Me: well, I can't, do anything ever again

66ccff: 

i shouldn't even be discouraged abt my classes bc i'm here to learn and i'm just like. i know nothing i deserve to die kejd;kakejd friend, disagrees with you on something you feel unsure about: WELL I GUESS I AM BAD AND THEY HATE ME NOW time to ghost them

___: 

me: [perceives someone not caring for me] me: and Now...what is Mine Purpose...what do I live for...my Friends....have all abandoned m MEEEEEE avpd sounds super dramatic when you separate it from yourself but like In the moment I'm always just [jdut starts Fucking Crying

66ccff: 

i just want to manage to some kind of social work, give my wealth to some impoverished family, and then kms before 30

yeah my therapists in the past are like why... so soon

___: Jfjdjfjdf 66ccff: and i'm just like "why not i need to minimize all my ills on the world and also on the emotions of my family" ___: That reminds me of like. One of my mutuals talking abt how early he sleeps and he was just 66ccff: this is the optimal time look my life plan

___: 

"why be awake longer than necessary"

Hdhdhfjsjfdjdjdband. I was just . Me

66ccff:

because you hate yourself too much sleep :^)

___: 

God yea That's true. Me rn

I should've been asleep like an hour ago but [plays secret of Mana and then mopes]

66ccff:

dude i used to have bouts of insomnia b4 i got drugs that knock me out (and help me w/ anxiety) like.... i would lay awake and every second of being awake was just making the situation worse

___: I feel like I should get meds to balance out my bipolar eps but

66ccff: but then i couldn't sleep anyway so it was a damned situation ___: my parents r so anti meds 66ccff: rrghbh

___: 

also like Internalized ableism That I don't Needthem and So Many people don't need them

66ccff: oh yeah, why do my essay when i can read an hour of garbage romo manga and feel slightly less bad during that time and then hate myself more

___: 

So I Can do it cuz I'm like Everyone Else and not like Those "crazy" people Rifp

66ccff: 

man i don't wanna encourage meds if your side effects r bad but honestly how did i get the fuck through high school other than triggering intense anxiety about all assignments

like... i was so nonfunctional i shouldn't have even been in school

.....

66ccff: 

all accessibility problems are solvable humans are so bad

___: caring ? About others ? What a concept 66ccff: except sometimes they are good but that is definitely not me

___: 

Me

Ok I try to overcompensate w good to make up for inherent badness THANKS RELIGION

66ccff: 

the US is like: here's a pricetag for your life pay up

___: AAAA

66ccff: 

yeah i can see how christainity wouldn't help there w/ the "original sin" and stuff that doesn't quite exist in other abrahamic religions iirc judaism doesn't even have hell

___:  it's really weird

66ccff: 

i'm guessing its bc of jesus like.... y'all binches killed him so now this is life - christainity

___: 

Like. Christianity makes the most sense to me probably cuz I grew up w it but fuck Man

66ccff:  o yeah i grew up w/ some christianity too ___: It's FUCKED!!!!!! 66ccff:  i actually have agoraphobia issues w/ going inside of churches ___: Oh same 66ccff:  :^) ___: I'm actually fairly anti-church just because the current state of them is very bsd 66ccff:  oh yeah

....

66ccff: 

how can someone like me, who is literally not deserving of life, raise someone else

scrumbles

___:

Me Hdjehdsk

66ccff:  ___ we are so fucked ___: 

It's true Life is fucked We, are fucked

66ccff: existence is violence

[truebjdconfessions]

Confession from a seller who sometimes doesn’t answer PMs: I’m another ultra introvert. It’s so stupid, but talking to someone -even online- can be a big deal and majorly exhausting so I much prefer automated systems like eBay. I know it “literally only takes a minute to PM back” but in my bad times I’m just too scared, as moronic as that sounds. If I’m chatting with someone in a comment, it’s probably a friend iow not as draining.

So even if you see me posting pics and looking “not busy”, that is my recharge time. Sometimes talking openly to the word is easier than talking one on one with someone. I know it’s hard to believe in this day and age where simply having a cell phone means you’re expected to be at everyone’s beck and call at all hours, but I can be connected while also having periods of unavailability. If I haven’t yet agreed to your money, I’m not going to feel obligated by mere virtue of having an internet connection.

Another reason I hold off is because I want to make sure every aspect of the sale is perfect. If I don’t feel physically up to it I am not even going to attempt it. Sometimes I’m only mobile a few hours a day or on bed-rest for up to a week and I will not start a transaction unless I’m at a point where I can ship out immediately and give the best service possible. Illness is way too common of an excuse in this hobby and I’m absolutely not going to let mine become one. I haven’t even told my friends about it. The thing is, what can I say? “Sorry, check back later (do not insert explanation)”? or “Sorry it’s temporarily not for sale not because I’m unsure I want to sell it but just because I’m unwell so maybe later LOLZ” Would people really accept that answer? What happens if I forget to PM them back later and then someone else PMs me and I sell to that second person? Even if it’s an accident, doesn’t that make me an even bigger asshole? So I don’t feel it’s fair to ask a buyer to wait on me.

Disclaimer tho: This only happens when I get a message about a sale I posted months earlier (if it’s one I JUST posted then obviously I’ve got the energy and am good to go). If enough time passes I’ll be way too embarrassed to PM back (especially after reading all the confessions about how enraging no-answer sellers are) and won’t know what to say I probably wont. I’m really, really sorry =(.

Anyway, this all looks like a whiny sack of bullshit even to me lol, which is exactly why I just keep quiet. I really am sorry for being such a “lazy retard[ed]” shit as someone put it. I guess I had just assumed most people gave up and moved on after a day or two without answer.

~Anonymous

[sapphiclizziebennet]

ah ok so i wanted to discuss this a little bit and get some insight

some of you know i’ve had a lot of struggles with my sexuality recently, firstly dropping the label of pansexual for a number of reasons (if you’re curious you can ask) but also feeling weirdly between the label of bisexual and gay.

(beneath the cut i discuss my findings with myself and like, i am questioning things and if someone would discuss it with me it might help me get more insight on what i’m feeling. it’s some weird shit going down, guys. it’s pretty long tho so i understand if you don’t want to read.)

basically, what i’ve come to realize, is that i need the positive attention of men to cope with childhood trauma i experienced. not necessarily need, but it makes me feel something, idk. men giving me that positive attention, and me being able to shut it down or laugh at it or know that they’re attracted to me gives me a feeling of amusement and control that i didn’t have when i was a kid. i really like messing with them. which is why i think i’ve had such an interesting time with tinder - i swipe right, they match with me, i message them a couple times, then ghost them. or when men find me attractive or, in different terms, “get off on me,” it gives me a real sense of, yeah, both amusement and control. 

i think one of the more prominent recent examples of this was that i was set up with my roommate’s TA (odd situation, i know) and at first i flirted with him really well and everything and we went on a date and kissed and stuff but literally the next day, i felt nothing for him and i needed to get away from him. so i told him i was gay and i didn’t want to see him anymore, which is pretty much what started all this. because something broke in me, and for that short amount of time i was very very confused about my sexuality. and actually, i still am, but i felt such a great dissonance within myself that i had to address and ask the question - am i gay? 

i have an aversion to men. every time i have an experience with a man it at first mystifies me and excites me, but i think this is just the amusement i feel. a man finds me sexually attractive or romantically able, and then to take control back i drop them like a hot potato. all the time i think, men fucking suck. but i guess i could still imagine myself with a man if the right one came around. except, every time i have an experience with one, i laugh about it. it’s like my brain treats it like a joke and i have to take the control back, to get back at what my father did in relation to me and thought about my worth. like, it’s so fucking weird, and i don’t know how to process it. in sexual and romantic situations, it’s me being desirable to them that gets me excited, not a real need to be with one.

i know that i am more attracted to women than i am to men. but i worry constantly that i am faking my attraction to women or that i’m only feeling this way because of my upbringing, and i don’t know. i’m just in a very hard place. the word bisexual doesn’t feel right, the word gay feels right i guess and i’m okay with it but i feel so isolated from the community, and nobody knows what the word sapphic means, it’s not normalized. and i haven’t had any experiences yet with actual women which scares me so deeply to my core. what if i get there, and it happens, and it’s nothing. but at the same time, i know i’m not ace or aro, because i desire these sort of relationships with women specifically so badly, but i still have a lot of hurdles to get over in terms of forming relationships with other people.

for instance, a friend of mine who i met while here at college has only very recently come over those hurdles and she is 4 years older than me, and we have had some eerily similar life experiences. so i know that like, i need to get over these hurdles. 

and i don’t want to like, cut off falling in love with a man, but i wonder if that is just compulsory heterosexuality talking. of leaving that option open in the rare case it might happen. and i had crushes on boys up to right before i started questioning my sexuality, but then again these boys were always unavailable and idk. i haven’t had a crush in a long time but i feel like that’s because i’m just in such a place of despair in terms of my mental illness and yeah. who knows.

i feel such a sense of unease, and i’m feeling so unsure. i don’t know what to do about who i am, or who i want to date, and i just have so much i need to plow through in my head about sex and love and who i am as a person.

there are things relating to my abuse that are literally just coming up for me. i was such a small child i never got to process it. and this is very distressing for me. 

[mewshuuartblog]

Time to run

so here we have a short story of my sidon x mew... well more like pre- sidon x mew but yea

CanonxOc, if you no likie, no readie~

Summery: mews secret is out, and the prince knows. time to hit the road!

this was done in like, one day, so its probably not the best story iv done. but i think its pretty good for a quick short story *is proud of herself*

i might not have nailed sidon completely, but that is something im working on, so bare with me |D

---*---

Mew was an upset wreck. Her secret was out now thanks to one of her zora friends.

An accident,

yes,

but it only got worse when she heard that the prince was standing close by, hearing it all. Mews face lost all color when her friend said that. Before the female zora could even attempt to calm the human down, mew was already gone. The woman frantically packed her bags at the little zora inn. She would have to leave now, and was probably never coming back.

Some might say she was just over reacting. But mew had done this more than twice before.

Back when she traveled a lot she would come across guys who were sweet and kind. Mew would inevitably develop feelings for them. However each time she confessed, they would let her down as gently as they could, then avoid her all together. The last one taught her a lesson tho.

After that, she vowed to never admit her true feelings to someone else. They became best kept secrets for her, but when you join a persons fan club, its bound to get out there. Knowing that prince sidon now knew her deepest secret it killed her inside. It wasn't out of embarrassment, but the fear of him walking up to her to say 'we cant hang out anymore' then avoid her like the others. Mew enjoyed the zoras company, hell she loved zora's domain, despite she was scared of water and couldn't swim. Having the prince as a friend really helped her self-worth.

Once her bag was packed she tossed it over her shoulders and ran off with a rushed goodbye to the zora innkeeper. All the zoras just stood in a confused daze as they saw the short, round human woman rushing off down the bridge.

Mew made it quite far without bumping into any other zoras. Once she felt far away, her quick pace slowed down to a normal walk. The girl looked down to her feet as emotions started to swell up inside her again. She didn't want to leave the zora's domain, having called it home after a years stay. But she knew what was going to eventually come to her if she hung around any longer. To her, it was just best to leave and avoid contact with the prince.

The woman walked over the last huge bridge to zoras domain, it started to feel like an eternity would pass before she got to the other side. Images from the first time she tried walking across flickered in her mind. Thankfully the monsters that once lived around here were long gone by now, no more games of 'chunk the human over the bridge'.

Mew paused as she looked around at the bridge. It was still the same, even after a year had passed. She still remembered that day quite well.

A fellow traveler she talked to at a stable told her of the most beautiful scenery she had ever seen, with people to match. It sounded so wonderful that the round human just had to go see for her self. A few times she wanted to turn around and leave, the large amount of water terrified her, her biggest fear in the world was actually death from drowning. But she had made it so far, it would have been a wasted effort to leave then. Thats when she saw the monsters at the end of the bridge. Her heart raced at the sight. She was ill equipped for any sort of combat, armed with only a knife. Mews entire being was telling her to run back to the other side. It was a futile effort, however. A large moblin stood only a few feet from her, fierce and armed with a large club. Out of pure fright, mew froze in place. She didn’t budge, she didn’t even know what to do, her brain decided it was time for a vacation and left her standing there.

The moblin yelled at her and swung its club. Thankfully the womans legs turned to jelly at just the right time, causing her to fall to the ground and totally dodge the club, if you would even call it dodging. It was in that moment mew knew she had to try something, even if it would prove futile in the end. She fought with the pocket on her backpack, reaching into it and pulling out the small knife. Her reflexes were slow tho, the moblin snatched her up in the blink of  an eye. It raised it club up high, readying for another swing. Subconsciously, the woman sheathed her knife in the monsters hand. The moblin hollered out in pain, and from reflex, tossed the woman over the bridge.

Mew hardly remembered much between the moment she was falling till she woke up on side of the river below. When she finally came to, there he stood over her, prince sidon.

Halfway over the bridge, mew started to hear the faint calling of her name. The voice, at the moment, was too far away to clearly make out. As she was pulled from her other thoughts, she began to think it was her friend trying to stop her. Brushing it off, the woman continued across the bridge. The voice got louder, and closer. Mew immediately froze, her heart raced. She was recognizing exactly whos voice it was.

Reluctantly, her head turned, peeking over her shoulder. To her dismay, a tall, red and white zora in royal garb came running. How she wanted to run but was unable to do so, her body refusing to cooperate with her.  

Sidon stopped just a few inches from mew. He was obviously wet, having swam down the river to get there quicker. The water dripped off him and made puddles under his footsteps.

"Mew! How I searched high and low for you!” he began. “The zora's told me about how you were frantically running about. Did something happen?" The zora looked down to her, sadness clearly in his eyes. Mew looked away quickly yet remained silent.

Sidon looked the woman over, calmly trying to read her. He took a few steps closer "If anything is troubling you, you know that you can tell me." He walked around till he stood in front of her. Yet the woman once again turned away. Her cheeks were burning hot, yet she was unsure what for, cause it was the prince or cause of the situation at hand.

The prince stood there silently, deep into his own thoughts. It was strange to see a close friend of his act so strangely, had he don’t something wrong? He leaned a little closer to the human, placing a large hand on her shoulder. "Is this about the crush I over heard you had for me?" When he felt her tense under his hand, he knew he was right. The zora leaned back up, looking over the girl once again.

Mew heard a slight chuckle behind her. This slightly annoyed her enough to turn around. "Whats so funny?..." she asked, feeling a little hurt and offended that he found some joy in this.

The prince quickly put his hands up, waving them to the short woman. "Oh no, pardon my rudeness. I didn't mean to do that aloud." He couldn't help but smile at the look the human was giving him. Yes he knew she was mad at him, but with a round face like hers, anger only made her look cute.

"Please allow me to explain myself. I find amusement in it cause you are the first to act like this. Most of the female zoras just get embarrassed and apologize for it. I am by all means flattered that you have feelings for me. But if you don’t mind me asking, for how long?"

Mews face quickly reddened. Looking away, and at anything other than the zora, she started to stutter. “S-since... you rescued me... and it only got worse the more I hung out with you afterwards...”

The woman quickly looked back up to him, small tears in her eyes as the embarrassment became to much. "A-arint you the least bit disgusted to know a human like me has a crush on you?"

Sidon tilted his head, confused by all belief. "Disgusted? Why in hyrule would I be disgusted for by that?" The zora noted the blush deepening on her face, but this only added to his confusion. "Did... Something happen in the past to make you think this way?"

Mew stuttered around with her words even more, tho try as she might she couldn’t stop. Her hands began to fidget with a need to be busy with anything. "I-i don’t want to bother you with boring stories.” she fussed. But the look in the zoras eyes told her he truly did wish to hear it. To understand why she had such a mindset like this. Mew let out a heavy sigh as she brought back old, painful memories. “Years ago... there was a guy I liked. We became pretty close friends, or so I thought. He was nice and kind to me, so of course I started to like him. After a four months of hiding a crush I walked up to him and... confessed it." There was a long pause before she continued. "He... didn't take well to it. I found out he didn't like fat girls at all. The only reason I was allowed to travel with him and his group was cause I could make and mend clothes. He... ended up throwing me out of the travel group out of disgusts.” she sighed once more “Since then, I learned to just keep my mouth shut."

She took a glance up to sidon. His face was no longer the smiling, bright one she always saw. It was now an angry contorted look, his eyes sharp enough to kill. "T-that wasn't the only reason. I-I've confessed to a few other guys before him. But they were nice about it and gently told me they wasn't interested in me. However, afterwards our friendship wasn't the same, and they avoided me..." she looked down to the ground, eyeing the large puddle around sidon. "I assumed you would avoid me too...or...get disgusted and tell me to leave the domain. So I thought it would be best to just leave." A large sigh escaped sidon, his features calming down and becoming soft once again.

"Mew, I must admit, that I do not share the same feelings as you do. However, I would never ask a friend to leave zora's domain, unless they were a threat to my people." The prince watched as mews eyes grew wide at his words, tears collecting at the bottom, he tensed yet prepared himself for the water works.

"W-wait” she balled her small hands into tiny fist. “So were still friends???" She finally asked. The zora blinked, stunned at her response but quickly started smiling. "But of course! Just cause I know you love me doesn't mean I no longer wish to be friends with you!" Sidon watched the huge round tears flow out of the little humans big eyes. "T-then that means we can still hang out?! A-and I can still live in the domain, right?!" The zora couldn't help but release a bolstering laugh. "Of course we can! And of course you can! You did say yourself this was your new home did you not?"

Mew threw her fist up into the air, giving a loud "YEY!"

During her excitement she rushed over to sidon, possibly giving him the biggest hug she ever gave.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH SI- wait, we can still hug, right?"

Sidon chuckled. "Right!"

"THANK YOU SO MUCH SIDON!!" mew finished. The prince lifted mew up, giving her an equally large hug. "Now then, Shall we return home, friend?"

Mew nodded with happy tears still pouring down her face.

[survivorelara]

Episode #15: “what fucking blog?” - Sam

a close second is another Sam quote, “is he not from london”

oh kori…. you fell right into the trap my guy. you better win that fic....

Final 4, wow, who'da thunk I'd find myself here? I've never been this far before in any ORG, so doing the Rites of Passage is a bit surreal for me. I probably flopped at it, but maybe I didn't... I don't know. XD

I'm just so happy to have come this far, Loris claimed in his exit words that I'm winning, not sure if that's true or not, but I'm certainly hopeful that's for sure. I've put in a lot of work, so I hope to see some results though even getting this far is huge for me.

I'm still not sure what F3 configuration would be the best for me. I've been considering Me Roxy and Sam just because it might be more fun, they are the two people I worked with the most in this game, though I'm unsure because it's honestly a tad difficult to gauge how this Jury feels. They could be bitter against Roxy or it could have mellowed into admiration or at the very least respect. Ci'ere is also hard to place because of his relationships, and I question if he'd be bitter, or not if I voted him out, and if he isn't who he'd vote for. Alternatively if I take him to the end who does he have on the jury and who does he not have, difficult for sure.

Well, I'm totally flopping the challenges so far, I ruined Endurance because I didn't read it wasn't due til 8PM Saturday. (I could have started on Friday and gotten a crazy high time, but I fucked it up thinking this was all due within 24 hours like normal... I might have thought twice if I had ever been to F4 which I should've remembered is a multi-day affair.)

And the Maze, I mean anyone could do as badly as I did, but I doubt they will, it'd be tough to not beat my score.

I'm not confident in my knowledge of the players given I didn't know half of them, and the mystery challenge is well... a mystery.

The only one I feel like I could be good at is the Flash game... BUT IT WON'T LOAD.

Needless to say this is likely to be my worst F4 challenge performance. So I'm gonna have to up the charm, and hope Ci'ere doesn't win since I think they are the best person for me to pitch going instead of myself. (Also because I think their odds of winning is the highest between the other 3.)

Well I finally finished all the challenges, and I was a total flop for the most part, but everyone keeps saying they're flopping too, so who knows. I'm hopeful Sam got first in the Maze and Roxy got first in Endurance, since those were my weak areas, and I want to vote Ci'ere out.

Also with an even spread like that it raises my odds of winning this challenge. Though if Ci'ere totally killed all these challenges I'm probably dead AF.

Since I have no doubt if Ci'ere is safe Roxy is voting me, and Sam might even consider it too though I'd be willing to tie it for him in a similar scenario.

I just can't believe I've come so far, and I don't know if I'm gonna make it all the way despite all my effort, and it kills me to think that. I just hope I get a chance to plead my case to the jury, even if I lose I just want to actually make a FTC.

And gg y'all kori probs just won the season. That's literally the one thing that couldn't have happened

hi so uh I could die here, but im trying my fucking hardest to make it to ftc. I was just really busy these last few days and couldn't put in full effort on the fic which caused kori to win. and now it seems like the vote is between me and ci'ere. the vote originally was gonna be kori but ofc he won fic so here we are... on the edge of my seat trying my best to not get final juror again. I s2g if I get final juror in back to back orgs im actually gonna just get drunk and fuck a dude

so ive got kori on my side who's gonna vote ci'ere with me, which is good because that at least guarantees me a tiebreaker chance. Right now though im tryna convince roxy to vote him as well instead of me because I could easily lose the tiebreaker challenge and not make ftc which would be devastating. Because the thing is, as much as I feel kori has a strong shot at winning this game, I feel I can work some magic and maybe turn this thing around to get me the win, but I gotta get to ftc first

Everyone knows they can beat roxy so shes the deciding vote on if ciere goes or if we are going to a tiebreaker. Ive been talking to her all day now tryna spit facts and lies into her head to get her to change her mind. she fears that if she votes ciere out that she wont get his vote, but I told her straight up if that's what shes worried about and I go on the jury then I wont vote for her either, so now she has no incentive to put me on the jury except if im a bigger threat for her or whatever. I mean lets be real, this is gonna be a very bitter jury. and most of that hate will be directed at me. roxy fears we played similar games but I told her straight up if im there with her, ill receive most of the jury's hate which could be a shield for her and maybe have the jury see her game more since people will probably only vote kori because he isn't as hated. he hasn't played a bad game but he's been a gamebot all game and only played alright, I feel I played great but have to own up to everything and swallow my ego and let the jury know how bad I feel or whatever and let them yell at me. roxy isn't winning, those are the facts. but I need her to vote ciere so I can get to ftc and try and beat kori.

so im just gonna keep bullshitting and say I can be her meatshield in terms of hatred being thrown at us and hope ciere gets final juror instead over me. but one way or another, roxy aint winning lol

jesus Christ roxy just needs to understand she isn't fucking winning this game and should just give me a shot lmao. like some votes she MIGHT have over me can easily be taken away by ciere being there, and I told her that. im really fighting for this like fuck man I want to get to ftc again

HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP!

I WON THE FINAL CHALLENGE! I'm so fucking ecstatic I'm gonna be in the freaking finale. This is the hardest part though trying to know who to vote.

I'm leaning heavily voting out Ci'ere due to what I believe his jury connections are, but also because I think my game stands out more when I'm with Roxy and Sam due to their games being... well basically the same.

They both, ultimately voted out the person who idoled them, they both tended to lie excessively, they both never won a challenge, and there are more similarities as I go on.

I love everyone in this final 4 though, and it's been so amazing playing with all of them. I just hope I can pull out a win, taking Roxy and Sam could be a mistake as their games were ballsy and if the jury buries any ill will they could decide to award one of them the win and view me as a goat.

So far me and Sam are both voting Ci'ere, but Roxy has been a bit dodgy, so it might go to a tie, which while I'm not a fan of Ci'ere proceeding since I think he'll give me a run for my money, I think Sam would be a lock vote for me so that's a benefit there.

I'm still thinking about the trial ahead because I know this game isn't over, it's the final stretch and I've begun a strong finish, and I need to make sure I deliver at FTC. It's my first one, and I would hate to blow it.

Dani: everyone more or less voted dani. Ciere caused chaos and had his name thrown about . One of drew h or t leaked to him. Probs drew h. Who led on dani? It started with john? He wanted ciere out I think. Dylan: this was kori's move but only on the surfave. I told kori to get drew t into the plan cause he originally complained about dyl been not rlly there but it sort of  ended up with him wanting to protect dyl as a free agent. Me and Dylan were close but I still let myself cut him because I formed an alliance with emma and andrea and promised her id never betray her this game and I sorta wanted to take emma to the end but who didnt. Me and sam were contemplating things but he didnt make us flip or vote the way we did. Sam I think was already on that side tho so not rlly middle. Ciere voted emma?? Minority tryna get a revati out. John: apparently kori came up with john first but I wanted him out the previous vite to weaken the drews so theyd depend on me nn emma and andrea brought him up. There was a plan to couter it by going after andrea I think or mv it was emma but again  I was with andrea and emma so I told rm I already voted john when I didnt to make a dumb excuse why I couldn't vote with em nn. Sam voted john along with the revatis  ciere tagged along I recon still wanted a revsti out. Drew t. Apparently kori pushed for him and loris and andrea sorta messy if u ask me. This vote was me and ciere I recon. Although it was andrea vrs drew so I wanted to protect andrea again sigh but also we wanted to seperate sam and drew t.  Kori voted andrea or drew t mb drew t. Andrea and sam did ciere. Sam got outplayed here I recon. Ciere voted drew t too but left the decision to me so? Emma. She played her idol on me. My one regret was not getting her to idol herself but I doubted ciere a bit too much and was too stressed from the final count down to think it over. We also didnt eexpect everyone to flip on emma on the revote. Same just tagged along and ciere's plans failed but ultimately they got emma out. Drew h: I wish here I told andrea of the probability of them voting her out so we coudve voted loris out then and there like a blindside. Sam just went along and ciere voted with his probable f2. Andrea. Loris and kori betrayed her here. Ciere and sam also. Loris: sam betrayed him badly to save me and ciere msnaged to lie his ass iff to get that idol played on sam. I had two ppl risk themselves to keep me. Probs cause theyI look down on my game and think they can beat me.

it is now an hour before we have to vote and i still have no clue who to vote.

but  i think im leaning towards voting ciere at this point?

Sam loses the tiebreaker after a 2-2 vote and is the final member of our jury.

Jesus Day 39. Never thought I'd actually be sitting here.

There's so much buzzing around in my mind. But at this point there isn't any strategic words I can really say, the F3 is officially set, all GAMING per say is over. Now all there is left to do is rock out a fantastic speech for why I should win. (I hope I'm capable of that.)

This game has been such a mental and emotional roller-coaster and I'm just so happy to have been a part of it and to now be experiencing something so new.

Regardless of how this ends, I know that I'm happy with how this turns out, and I definitely learned a lot in this game that I'll carry into future ORGs that I play. I hope I surprised some people, I'm proud of how I played since it carried me here.

Gonna turn in for the night, probably confess for the last time in the morning. <3

Moments before FTC.

I've got my speech ready I think. I'm hopeful anyway. Crazy to think this will be my last confessional of the season.

I wanna thank the hosts for giving me such a great experience, I'm so happy this game happened to me the way that it did. I hope I win but even if I dont I still think I accomplished much, and I'm proud of how I did.

Day 39, this is Kori, signing off.

Last minute confessional because I haven't made one yet: I can't believe I made it to the end & I'm just glad I got to share my game at final tribal council. Do I think I played the best? No. I did what I could with what I was given & I did the mf'ing shiz. I fought for my Survivor life & made fire which I think is a pretty rad way to get here. I took out the wild straight white male who I think played a smashing game. I played how I wanted to & I had so much fun while doing so. Whether I win or lose, I'm proud of what I accomplished here & Elara is definitely not gonna be a game I'll forget. Thank you hosts for a bomb experience & for putting together a well run game~ WOOP WOOP

Well, it's the end now, I'll know soon if I won or if I'm runner up or 3rd.

I had an amazing time, and I'm sure reading back is sure to be interesting.

To anyone who's read my stuff, it may seem a little inconsistent or contradictory at times, it's usually due to a changed mindset or decision I make and forget to confess about, and for that I apologize to the viewers.

This has been an incredible experience I'm not gonna forget, and I'm glad to have gone through it with so many.

I just hope I get a single vote. xD

Kori wins Celestial: Elara in a 4-3-2 vote! Ci’ere came in 2nd and Roxy finished in 3rd.