#one day i will stop answering asks with 2k word essays but that day is very clearly not today!

[georgieluz]

getting a few things off my chest about Gen Kill. sorry im in your inbox. but i am. you can publish this ask or keep it in the DM, both are fine.

First, actually the hardest series to watch in all three shows for me. I'm ok with the level of violence in the other two (as well as other trigger-warning content) but the level of civilian casualty in GK just really fuck with me. I find it very hard to want to rewatch GK, even tho I do like the show a lot.

Second, Both TP and GK, for me, are the anti-thesis and deconstruction of BoB. In two different ways. TP talks about another theater and how fucked up these stories are and basically pushes the audience away. Don't look, it's not a story to share (vs BoB that invite you to take part and be with the characters). GK is the modern day glory-seeking meaningless chaotic and toxic reality of the US military (vs BoB's fighting for the right thing, our officers are smart and capable). And they're both meta answers to BoB's more propagandistic story.

Third, ok, let's get silly lol. I have to say whatever is going with Brad and Nate is fucking homo. "Not to be homo sir, but I can kiss you right now" um what. And the eyes contact. Bro. Bruh. That being said... I ship BradRay xD Their bantering old-married-couple dynamic is more my speed, than BradNate victorian yearning dynamic xD

hello, no worries, it's all good, my inbox is always open for thoughts, insights and opinions! this got pretty long so i'm gonna put it under a read more so it doesn't annoy anyone

i published this bc i ended up adding a lot of my own thoughts about it and didn't want it to seem like i was directing them specifically at you or your opinion bc i do go off track a lot.

it was the hardest series for me to get into as well at first, for a similar few reasons. first of all, it felt like i was being dropped into a locked room with men who would hate my guts, and not just have bullied me in high school, but detest my existence too. so i think that atmosphere of over the top toxic masculinity instantly made me uneasy, but that's the point. that's the whole reason the articles, book and show exists really. to show how that mindset and atmosphere laid the groundwork for what happened. i think if they were to have made a show where we as viewers are allowed to laugh along with their jokes, enjoy their interactions, but not be forced to confront the realities of both the invasion and the people taking part, then it would defeat the message and themes that the show is trying to present to us. i think the civilian death, and basically the way the military treated civilians in general, has to make you uncomfortable, otherwise it's not doing its job as a text or piece of media. at least from the writer's perspective and what they wanted to say about what happened there, bc ultimately, everything is a construct with biases and a goal. so i 100% agree with you in that it's easily the most uncomfortable show to casually watch in that regard, but if it didn't show all of that, it wouldn't be a show with a purpose, imo.

i would personally put the pacific a bit closer to band of brothers than gen kill when it comes to discussing its propagandism actually. bc whilst it has the caveat of "this is the reality and brutality of war, it's horrific, you don't want any part of it" and "it's not all camaraderie and brothers being bonded for life", the show still has its 'heroes' who are depicted as sacrificing either their lives or their mental wellbeing for 'the cause', and it still carries the message of "yes this is terrible but it's needed". two things that propagandist themes can thrive amongst. just reading some of the more bootlickery youtube comments about the pacific shows how some of those people cling onto the brutality and harshness of that theatre of war, and the show itself, as a display of heroic bravery and badge of honour. i've seen a few commenters on reaction videos and stuff and they're basically frothing at the mouth about how it's so much more brutal than band of brothers, and they aren't saying it from a critical perspective either, which is what the show may have intended, but more from a "omg brutal war porn nice!!" kinda way. i know i'm rambling off point from what you said, but it's just some of my thoughts. i'm probably gonna ramble a bit in the rest of the post so don't see it as me disagreeing with your points bc i think we have pretty much the same opinion in most ways, but i guess your ask has prompted a lot of thinking from me so i'm just getting some of my thoughts out about the shows.

i think for me, i would say the pacific is a stepping stone between band of brothers and generation kill. i do agree in that it is pushing the viewer away from the idea of war as noble, in favour of saying "no! it's dirty and cruel and harsh and you won't survive it, even if you're alive when it's over" but it's also presented in the same way as band of brothers in regards to how we're supposed to view these men. there's many competent and intelligent guys making decisions and the humanity of those men is always on display. they're still shown as heroes, even if they're broken ones. so i think i can't fully align it with gen kill as a direct opposition to the messaging in band of brothers, but more one that says "ok, we've seen it from that perspective, now let's open up the casket up a little more and try to understand it looking through another lens".

whereas for me, gen kill sets explosives in the casket and blows that shit to pieces. there are no noble heroes competently achieving great feats, or sacrificing their lives for 'the greater good'. the people who do die, or get wounded, are seen as wasted casualties and missions gone wrong, fuck ups that we see in the corner of exterior shots to remind us that it's not all singing avril lavigne in a humvee, that there are consequences, even for the invaders. we see the destruction they inflict on civilians constantly, but the marines that get wounded/die are essentially proof of the incompetencies and fuck ups that even the most militaristic audience has to admit to.

the line of morality is non-existent, apart from a few people that we meet, but they have no power whatsoever. they can't actually do anything even if they disagree with what's happening. they stand by and they watch. we get nate who hates it, very clearly, but his whole thing is that he literally can't do anything. he has no actual power or impact on anything there. i saw a meme on here a few days ago where it was like "i'm competent at my job but i'm starting to think i'm just decorative" and it's funny and just a silly meme but it's also kind of the truth. we see him make a few decisions that go over the head of the initial orders, etc, but in the big picture, they have so little effect that it's a drop in the ocean comparatively. so the little competency we do have is ineffective. and even the more authoritative roles within the narrative that we get to see, like ferrando, are shown as not just making bad decisions, but actually not having much control over matters themselves. they're all floundering from top to bottom. there's no basilone or winters or ack ack there to make us sigh with relief as viewers bc finally, someone will make things right, make the right choice, do the right thing. instead we have these very complex people who have a lot of messed up flaws and shit within them, but some realistic relatabilities too. and sure, a good few of them want to do better and will call out certain shit they see in different ways (doc bryan, nate, espera, brad) but ultimately, they're forced to not just watch and let it happen, but a lot of the time, take part and be culpable for those actions too.. and it's not depicted as a noble sacrifice of their morality, it positions them as helpless and incapable. so the viewer doesn't get their usual hbo war heroes, which to me, feels like a direct answer to both band of brothers and the pacific in that kind of way.

i feel like walt's character shows us that (on a surface level basis but still). he's presented to us as the more appealing contrast to trombley. they're both young and in brad's team, two sides of a coin you could say bc we're shown immediately that trombley is the problem child and walt is the pretty golden boy that spends his scenes telling brad to get some rest or trying to fix the dodgy equipment they've got, or essentially is just trying to be helpful. but they both fuck up bad and kill civilians as an individual. we don't get to keep our clean innocent pretty boy. he fucks up. bad. his hands aren't clean. none of theirs are. not nate's, not even doc bryan's. he says that himself. walt clearly feels terrible afterward and that's the difference between him and trombley (though i will say i do think trombley is much more complex than we see on the surface), but walt doesn't get to escape the blood on his hands. even the most seemingly "innocent" characters never get to remain that in this show. there are no heroes.

and then the second point i mentioned above about the message of "yes was is terrible but needed sometimes" is the other thing that gen kill throws away and abandons. nothing, not a single thing, is depicted as needing to happen. yeah, they're told it's needed and honestly, a lot of those marines were brainwashed into believing it, but the whole point is that it wasn't. it was a colossal fuck up in every way and the show holds up a massive flashing neon sign showing us exactly how, but from the ground.

so absolutely fully agree with you that this show is positioned as a meta deconstruction to band of brothers themes, and even the pacific, especially when the shows are presented as a package deal, as hbo war so often is. it's all a lot more nuanced than what i've said bc i've just been rambling AGAIN, but i think there's a lot of dialogue going on between the three shows when you analyse them from further away that is really interesting to discuss.

so yup, definitely agree with what you said and thank you for dropping by my inbox to talk about this kinda stuff with me! i'm sorry if i went into too much detail or overtook this ask with my own opinions or anything but yeah. i think we all know by now that i tend to ramble when asked about anything!

NOW ONTO THE FUN PART!

it genuinely feels like bradnate have taken up residence in a very large part of my brain. i had heard a lot of people mentioning bradray on here before i watched, so i was expecting that to be the main 'ship' of the show, and kinda thought i'd probably end up getting onboard with that, but i actually only got platonic besties vibes from them. i'm always down for as much gay as possible, so i support it, but i just don't really see anything outside of platonic love between them? i do really enjoy their relationship and interactions though, and some of their scenes are my absolute favourites.

but i'm ALL about the victorian repression and yearning, so ofc bradnate is where it's at for me. as a gay man who repressed all his emotions growing up it just calls to me like a siren lmao. i think that's why i'm like a feral little gremlin about nate actually

[fuckingrealityshifting]

Update

Hi! I know I’ve been super inactive on this account and I apologize.

I’ve been really busy with life and my own mental health, and my newest interest I’m on tumblr 24/7 for on a different account, but I’ve also kind of been reconsidering my time here and I’m not really happy with what I’ve created.

I don’t really like this account.

I don’t like the fact I’m expected to like, I don’t know, Know Stuff, and I just don’t feel comfortable with people looking to me for information anymore.

Like, I don’t mind giving advice; I’ll answer dms and maybe get to answering asks but I just don’t really wanna make informational posts and resources anymore. I don’t wanna be that person.

I just don’t really wanna be Out There anymore. I’m no longer in a mood where I’m fine being the Mentally Ill 15 Year Old who runs a shifting account. I don’t want video essay/cringe videos or anything made of my account one day with the title going fuckingrealityshifting: the tumblr ‘shifting’ mystery or to be another entry on a list of tumblr jokes/iconic (in a bad way) posts/people.

All honestly? I wouldn’t say I don’t believe, but I’m doubting shifting or at least shifting the way it’s been presented recently.

I just lost interest a while ago and it’s like, ehhhh. I’m still spiritual, and I believe in weird crystal shit and all that other stuff, I just need to do more research to see if this actually has much of a historical basis.

I know it’s been said like, I don’t remember what civilization but some ancient civilization had something similar? Mayans? Mesopotamia? Idk. But when it was mentioned I just took that at its word before but now it’s like. If I’m gonna trust this isn’t a New Thing without much basis, I wanna find this. I wanna find the documents about this or the artifacts or whatever and I just haven’t made the effort to go and look. Or at least, older stuff related to this. It can be a new idea and true but it just doesn’t seem as trustworthy.

But the point is I just took supposed historical basis at its word without really critically thinking about it and I feel like that’s what’s been done with a lot of shifting justification.

I mean, in my heart of hearts I still believe, but I guess it’s more of a thing I’ve just drifted away from.

So I don’t know what to do. I’ve toyed with the idea of kind of mainly leaving this account and making a new one for casual spiritual shit (I talk abt my crystals, mediation, my journey, etc, being personal to me being the Main Point rather than a side thing to being an informational account) or like, reblogging the stuff I don’t like to an archive account and just converting this account to casual. I’m a little selfish and I kinda like the 2k followers even though I’m basically stopping what they followed me for.

I like this username. I do wanna keep the username whatever I’m doing. Lmao.

And this isn’t necessarily a permanent thing; my interest in shifting might rekindle and so I don’t wanna delete this account or anything.

I just don’t think I should have inserted myself into the shifting community the way I did and I honestly feel guilty about basically bringing it here. Like, I have no experience, I basically learned a lot about shifting and other spiritual stuff I was kind of learning as I went.

I know I’ve advocated knowing what you’re doing and talked about safety and stuff, and at least my conscious is clear knowing I cared and tried; but I feel like I didn’t do enough. I feel like it was presented as too much of an afterthought and should have been at the front of every single post especially when I was posting to Tumblr, the mentally ill youth’s haven for escapism.

Regarding shifting itself I think I was making it too much of a Thing as well. It’s just. Like, do it. Congrats, you’ve done. It’s that easy. And at least for me, I don’t know what the effect my posts had on other people, it felt like Something I Had To Feel Happening Before I Went To Sleep Or Else It Wouldnt Happen.

Also I think we shouldn’t look to find evidence for shifting. Like, scientific shit is just not going to exist. I think it’s like people pointing to miracles and going ‘God is great! He did this!’ n using it as evidence like. The nature of shifting and religions and all that is that It Cannot Be Proven and we should be okay with this.

We should be aware it is illogical to point to this having a strong basis in objective observable reality rather than try and make a case for it. I just feel it’s weird. It’s just weird to me. And I regret arguing for it. “You can’t disprove it, so therefore it’s true” is a logical fallacy.

Not saying that’s necessarily what was said, I recall it was more of a “You can’t disprove it and I can’t really prove it, so just let me believe” but I think the fallacy did seep into the ideology of some of the community.

I disagree this is a cult, but just because it’s not a cult doesn’t mean we’re not a fairly small group on the internet that has some questionable ideologies and behaviors that can get out of control. I just don’t wanna be responsible for making any mistakes that lead to questionable stuff or that even have led to anything. I just don’t want the power to be able to do that and I feel like I kinda created that for myself. My bad.

I fucking love y’all, though. We created a really nice, supportive community here that was dedicated to keeping each other safe the best we could. We made friendships and memes and fun times. I’m proud of that. And I’m proud of you.

TLDR:

I don’t wanna be a Prominent Shifting Page anymore, I just wanna be casual. Maybe I’ll convert this or make a new account.

Kinda questioning shifting, and even so I’ve overall lost interest or motivation in wanting to shift.

I think I went about this the wrong way and just don’t like how shifting is approached.

I don’t think it’s great to use questionable evidence to support something inherently unprovable. I think we should be okay not being able to prove or disprove it.

[ackerfics]

Hiiii is it okay to request something? I just really love your fics 🥺 I saw that you did song fics, so I was thinking Still Into You by Paramore mixed with Thinking of You by Katy Perry since I legit couldn’t get those out of my head. Also I’m having Mikasa brainrot rn, so maybe a fic about exes getting back together? Where reader is like already in a new relationship with Historia, but they still love Mikasa, and the pining is mutual. Thank you so much 🥺

we sang along to the start of forever  — mikasa ackerman

— mikasa ackerman x female reader (modern au)

— warnings: angst but it transitioned into fluff in the end so we’re fine :)))

— summary: you still love each other and like puzzle pieces, the two of you thought about trying out the relationship thing again.

— word count: 4.8k

— author’s notes: i’m so sorry this took so long, we have so many backlogs  but i thought that writing would be a great thing to unwind so here it is !! i also made the reader a girl because as soon i started writing, mikasa with a girlfriend just keeps popping in my brain and i can’t help it sjjkjksjs and thank you so much for requesting !!

reblogs are greatly appreciated !!

< you said move on, where do i go

“Hey, there you are.”

A melodic whisper got you out of your daze from looking at your laptop screen. Exams are around the corner and your professors thought that it was the perfect time to dump more work for you. Tomorrow, you have a deadline coming up for a 2k-word essay about a topic that you could care less about, it wasn’t even under your major. Yet here you are, in one of the study areas of your university, trying to squeeze your brain just so you could reach the word count without caring for the outcome of your essay. But it seems like the gods graced your prayers because a small figure with golden blonde hair appeared in front of you, her blue eyes shining under the lights of the study area.

You started dating Historia Reiss not too long ago, it was probably ranging for three months at most. It was quite rocky at first, with you being out of a long-term relationship and Historia balancing out her time between extracurriculars and academics. The long-term relationship that got you all wound up was with a close friend back in high school and it sucked because you were such a good pair together — maybe fate wasn’t by your side that time. The two of you were immature and young but your time together was golden, having known each other way before asking one another out. You promised each other you’d move on and clearly, you did, your eyes finding your current girlfriend sitting in the neighboring study desk, taking out her stationery and color-coordinated notes.

Historia was a sweet person, always patient and caring when it comes to you. You met during a lecture that you two happened to share. She forgot her Apple pencil and luckily, you still had yours in your bag, lending the gadget to the blonde since you already have your laptop perched in front of you. With small smiles, the two of you gradually became friends, sitting next to each other during that lecture. Those small moments grew and later became study meet-ups in cafés or hanging out in one of the university’s libraries. The best thing that connected you two was your personalities, it matched so well that people sometimes thought you knew each other way longer before college. When you noticed Historia showing some signs that she likes you more than a friend, you couldn’t quite believe it at first. It was Historia being so understanding of you that made you say yes to her dates.

And now, here you are.

“Yup, you found me,” you told her, stretching your arms above your head before smiling at your girlfriend.

“Is that essay for Mr. Smith’s class?” Historia asked, leaning over to your side to get a glimpse of your screen. She patted your shoulder at the number of words you wrote. “Wow, you already got past the 1k mark. That’s amazing! Don’t forget to take breaks, though.”

“Of course, Tori,” you smiled. “You, too. I know your exams start four days from now. How is that holding up?”

Historia opened her readings, sighing at the thought of the dreaded season of the student body. “I don’t know if I can answer anything that well. I mean, we’ve been having study dates every day but I get so nervous just thinking about the exams. I know I’m going to be prepared but my anxiety said ‘no’.” She buried her hands through her hair, eyes softening when your face started showing how worried you are for her. “I’ll just think that this will be over a week from now.” Historia reached a hand out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “Hey, why don’t we go to that restaurant just outside of uni for dinner?”

You took her hand in yours, squeezing it affectionately. “I think that’s perfect.”

The two of you proceeded to work on your separate tasks until you both agreed that it’s time for a good dinner. Historia helped you tidy your things up, occasionally smiling softly at you when you yawn. You bid goodbye to some of the students in the study area you know and the two of you went out of the room with joined hands. It was a nice walk around the university, the golden glow of the Sun bathing everything in orange, and making you relax despite the many backlogs still on your to-do list. That was until you saw a familiar figure going out of one of the many buildings of the Business Department. The blonde beside you even recognized the young woman hiding her face behind her scarf, blue eyes darting to you with a worried air.

It also happened that Mikasa Ackerman looked up from adjusting her scarf, her stormy gray eyes meeting with yours by chance.

Her eyes slightly widened at the sight of you, her gaze then dropping to your hands still joined with Historia’s before pursing her lips. Looking up to tangle your eyes again, she rose her hand in a little wave. You reciprocated the gesture weakly, never leaving your stare off her retreating form. You noticed that her shoulders became tense after that little encounter, fists enclosing the straps of her backpack and steps hurrying to get to her apartment that was just a walking distance from the university.

You felt a light squeeze coming from the girl beside you, knocking you out of your reverie.

“Let’s go?” Historia asked, eyes knowingly roaming your face.

“Mm-hmm,” you only hummed, following your girlfriend out of the campus.

You thought there wasn’t anything left but why were you still stuck in a limbo that you couldn’t get out of when you stared into those gray hues haunting your dreams?

< recount the night that i first met your mother

Mikasa had her life figured out. 

Everything was perfect. She has the most amazing people she can call her friends. She has the most supportive parents (and brother, but he can be a little shit sometimes but that’s beside the point). She has the perfect grades that can maintain her standing in the university, earning her great credits from various professors on the campus. She has scored a good apartment with her best friend, Sasha, all equipped with the best rooms and views that she can pay for a reasonable price. She is still a member of the university’s track and field long-distance running team, a regular and a manager at the same time. She also had the most beautiful girl as her lover and confidante, someone she could be herself with (not that her closest friends and brother didn’t see her real personality but being with her lover was a different kind of bliss compared to hanging out with her friends).

Well, had a girlfriend.

Ever since meeting you again earlier that night, suddenly Mikasa’s schedule for the night seems to blur.

It was her turn to cook for dinner but she couldn’t do anything properly. First, she managed to burn her sauteed vegetables, something that she had never done before knowing that this is her favorite go-to dish. Second, she boiled the pasta too long and now they’re too soggy. She nearly threw the pot down the sink but she didn’t want their neighbors to call the cops to their place, she just didn’t want to have a repeat of the first time that happened. (The first time their neighbors called the cops because of them was all Sasha’s fault, it appeared to the brown-haired girl that Mikasa’s cooking is one of the best in the world that she screamed bloody murder in the middle of the night.) Now, the gray-eyed girl had no choice but to start from scratch with the pasta, it was a good thing it was only the pasta though. 

The front door of their apartment opened with a bang while Mikasa tried to concentrate this time. Without looking up, she can see a brown-headed blur dashing towards the kitchen. “Stop right there, Sasha,” she said while stirring the alfredo sauce in the pan. “If you reach for the chicken one more time, I’m going to skin you alive. I don’t have the energy to hold your hungry ass back right now.”

Sasha backed away at the look of her roommate who was ready to commit violence if she steps out of line. “Whoa, who pissed at your day?”

Mikasa blinked, realizing that she might have been unreasonable with her remark. Of course, she wasn’t the only tired one in their apartment right now. Sasha was also struggling with academics and extracurriculars, not to mention, her love life is perfectly stable despite being in a relationship for a year. Not that Mikasa felt slightly jealous but she did everything she could to save their relationship but it still ended on a consensual note. The black-haired girl relaxed her tense posture, sighing deeply to expel the negativity accumulating her mind at the moment (Sasha called them dark forces after Mikasa told her about it, it took everything not to leave the room when the words came out of her friend’s mouth). Turning back on her sauce, Mikasa stated, “I’m sorry, I’m just stressed. You know, with the exams coming up and my track team entering this meet at the end of the month for official records. It’s just,” she sighed, “too much right now.”

“Aw, Mikasa,” Sasha empathized, going around the countertop to wrap her arms around Mikasa. She placed her head against her friend’s, petting the latter’s hair until they became a mess on her head. “I know just the thing to make us feel better. Let’s watch some of those anime movies that Armin recommended while eating dinner. Or anything that you want to watch if you don’t feel like watching anime right now.”

Mikasa smiled a little, resting her head on top of Sasha’s and relishing the comfort her friend gave her. “Thanks, I appreciate it, Sash.”

The moment she shared with Sasha reminded her of when you two were in high school. At that time, Mikasa was one of the star athletes that belonged to the track team. After the rigorous training their coach gave them, Mikasa’s knee started to hurt. This was dismissed by the head coach, saying that this wasn’t serious at all. You witnessed it when she ran more laps than what was written in her training regime to the point that her knee gave out. It was a good thing that her knee only acquired a sprain and a good rest from physical activities for some time will heal it gradually. Mikasa never had anything against it because getting some time off from her club meant that she could spend her free time with you. It was spent staying on her family’s couch, watching movies to pass the time while making small talk about her friends. The reminiscing continued until Sasha helped her prepare the living room for their movie night. She just couldn’t help but associate every little thing with you. You were a great part of her life since middle school.

She missed everything about you.

While the movie played out, her mind went to a time when it was time to introduce Mikasa as your girlfriend to your mother.

It was in the first months of being first-years in university. There was an issued academic break set by the faculties, taking the time to invite Mikasa to your home. You were so excited that that’s all you can talk about while the gray-eyed girl drove you two to your hometown. That was the only thing enjoyable in the entire trip. Everything went into shit when you blurted out that Mikasa has been more than a friend to you ever since high school. The look on your mother’s face was enough for the two of you to tell that this shouldn’t go on as planned.

“So, you’re telling me that Mikasa has been in our home, doing God knows what to you since high school?” Your mother flatly questioned.

The coldness of her tone made you stiffen in your seat. You can see Mikasa from the corner of your eyes trying to calm herself down by rubbing your hand under the table. It couldn’t be helped that your father, the only understanding person in the family, was absent because of his job. This is why your father chose to live separately from your mom, seeing as she was the kind of authoritative parent and wife, always hovering around each of her family members to keep them in line. You now understand why your father left her because God forbid, it was tempting to cut off ties with the person who gave birth to you as she threw degrading words at Mikasa left and right. You furrowed your eyebrows, tightening your hold on your girlfriend’s hand, which was trembling on your lap. The first time you saw her this shaken was when her knee got injured during her track training. Her skin was so pale like that time that you wanted to pull her out of the house and stay at a nearby hotel to get away from your mother’s wrath.

“Mom, please,” you pleaded, tears prickling your eyes.

“No, [Name], don’t you say another word,” she pointedly snapped at you. “I feel like I have become a failure of a mother. I don’t understand why you have a woman as your lover. It’s just not right. I support it but not if it’s with my daughter.”

You abruptly stood up with half-lidded eyes that never strayed from your mother’s similar shaded ones. Your hand still gripped Mikasa’s, your thumb stroking the back of it in a soothing circle that contrasted the indifferent gaze you gave your mother. When you were a child, you understood her sentiments because you’re her only child, the only person left in her life. But when she started badmouthing the little things observed from other people, you started questioning her parenting. You were told that people who love others of the same sex were sinning the word of a divine being but if that’s the case, you’d gladly be condemned to the pits of Hell if it meant protecting Mikasa from your mother’s harsh words. “We’re leaving.”

“What—?” It was Mikasa.

“Come on, Mika. Let’s find some restaurant downtown. This place is becoming stuffy and I don’t want you to suffocate any further.”

“Hey, Mikasa? Are you alright?”

Mikasa jumped, looking around at their apartment’s living room as if she was confused as to why she was there. She slightly shook her head before turning to the concerned brown irises of her roommate. Trying for a convincing smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, Mikasa forced a laugh as she mindlessly twirled the pasta on her plate with a wistful air surrounding her. “Yeah, I think I’m alright. Just saw my ex earlier when I got out of my last lecture for the day. I feel like that’s the reason why I don’t feel like myself today.”

The movie was then forgotten when Sasha positioned her body so that she could give Mikasa her undivided attention. With a serious expression that the gray-eyed young woman didn’t see in a long time, Sasha asked, “That gorgeous beauty?”

A nod was all Mikasa could answer. Gorgeous was an understatement when it comes to imagining you. You’re practically the most beautiful girl Mikasa saw in her lifetime. 

“Damn, it’s been what? Half a year since you guys broke up?”

A nod from Mikasa. She wrapped her arms around her knees, pushing them further into her chest, feeling so small at the moment. “It would have been fine if she’s alone but…”

Sasha’s mouth parted with realization; eyes wide as she stared at her roommate. “Oh,” she breathed. 

Scooting closer to the gray-eyed girl, Sasha wrapped an arm around her shoulder to let the former lean against her side. She always viewed the two of you to be endgame, seeing as you were dating since you were in high school. It sucks that no matter how much the two of you proved that you belong to one another, it just ends inevitably. Sasha even liked you when Mikasa introduced you to her new roommate when you were first-years. You were shining in the brown-eyed girl’s eyes; smile so bright that she couldn’t help but think you’re pretty, hair perfectly mussed by the wind during the ride to the apartment, casual clothing fitting you in the most pleasing way possible, and personality that one could describe as amazing. You even gave her some of your food when the three of you ate out together. (Mikasa always scolded you for giving away your food when you’re barely even eating regularly.) And when you guys broke up, Sasha saw how Mikasa ended up at the lowest point of her life, locking up inside her room and only going out when Sasha’s asleep. It was only recently that Mikasa slowly became herself again.

Now, Mikasa became that closed-off version of herself after the break-up, and Sasha instantly pulled her in for a hug.

The television kept playing the movie they chose to watch, Mikasa’s silent sobs blending with the movie’s dialogue and seeping through the night.

< she kissed my lips, i taste your mouth

You nearly pulled away when you tasted lemon instead of strawberry.

You nearly looked away when you saw azure instead of metallic gray after the kiss.

You felt so bad for thinking of midnight tresses instead of spun gold every time you lay in bed after hours of studying. Guilt bloomed in your whole torso like a giant wad of roses prickling your insides with their thorns, images of Mikasa plaguing your mind a week after you saw her again after six months. And every time you close your eyes to let sleep pull you in their embrace, arms so secure would wrap around your middle in your dreams, the smell of a rose-scented soap enveloping you in a warm cocoon. It was so contrasting to the minty scent you tried so hard to get used to in those three months you were together with Historia. You promised yourself you’d never date someone else after Mikasa but you tried because she told you to find someone who will treat you better than her. As much as you pleaded with your rationality to not follow her advice, Historia was a breath of fresh air.

It was a rainy night the time you and Mikasa broke up. Funny how you always love the rain and yet the one moment tormenting your daydreams occurred in a thunderstorm.

“Mikasa, what are you talking about?”

Your favorite-colored irises couldn’t meet your stare. “I said you deserve to be with someone who can make you glow with happiness.”

“Where is this coming from?”

She only shook her head, short black hair moving along with the movement. “I feel like I’m not giving enough in this relationship. I noticed how happier you look when you hang out with your friends from your department but when you’re with me, you’re mellowed down and so drained that I’m starting to feel like I’ve done something wrong.” Mikasa buried her hands in her hair, elbows placed on her knees, making herself feel smaller in front of you. You stood up from your bed to kneel in front of her, covering her cheeks tenderly with the palms of your hands. Yet she continued, “My mind is telling me these thoughts that I denied a long time ago since we started university.”

“What thoughts, Mika?”

“That our spark had died down for good.”

You searched her face for any sign of a joke but you could only stare at her downturned eyes.

“That I think we should break up for you to be happier with other people.”

“No,” you murmured, tears starting to blur your vision. “Mikasa.”

“I love you so much to see you unhappy with me.”

“I’m never unhappy when I’m with you. Where did you get that idea?”

Mikasa smiled despite her wobbly lips, gingerly placing her lips on your forehead. “I love you, [Name], I hope you’ll find someone bright enough to let you shine even more.”

It hurts just thinking about that but something pinched it even more when you stared at Historia in front of you, Facetiming someone on her phone. You two were celebrating the end of your exams in a café, treats covering the expanse of your table. It was a breather from all the stressful weeks draining your energy and now you feel refreshed. The book you recently bought was snug in your hands, eyes skimming over the words as Historia animatedly talked to her friend, Ymir. Hearing her laugh at something the freckled girl said, you couldn’t help but look up from a paragraph you were engrossed in. Historia looks so happy, cheeks flushed and giggles so clear that she couldn’t even contain them with her small hand. She never looked like this with you and as much as you anticipated the pain brought by the sight, it didn’t come.

Now, you understood what Mikasa felt, only this time you had to let Historia go because she already belonged to someone else.

Historia just said goodbye to her friend and you knew you had to hold on to this chance.

“Hey, Historia, I have a question.”

She sipped her iced tea. “Shoot.”

“You like Ymir, don’t you?”

The silence and flustered reaction that followed was all it took for you to smile.

< no more mistakes ‘cause in your eyes i'd like to stay

Getting out of a four-hour lecture was bliss to Mikasa. She stretched her arms over her head, letting out a deep breath of relief at the thought of spending her weekend without any backlogs. Finally, she can relax without feeling guilty. After all that hell her department professors gave her, she deserved this break.

Mikasa walked down the hallways with a slight spring in her steps, feeling her phone vibrate with a text message in her bag. Stopping by a little bit at the side of the hallway, Mikasa opened the outer compartment of her bag and turned on her phone. A smile instantly overtook her confused expression.

armin

hey, wanna watch a movie tonite?

eren suggested we could unwind after the exams

figured you needed it

you can stay the night here too !!

Her fingers typed out a reply almost giddily.

Sure.

Let me just text Sasha that I won’t be sleeping in the apartment tonight.

Another message from Armin appeared.

armin

yey !! see you later, Mikasa

At this point, her smile couldn’t be erased on her face.

See you later, Armin.

Then, another message from Armin popped out that made Mikasa laugh a little.

armin

this is eren

mikasa, can u bring dinner PLS

armin and i are too lazy to cook 

plus, you love us 🥺🥺🥺

The gray-eyed girl rolled her eyes, typing out a ‘fine’ before closing her phone. Her brother was sometimes too hard to handle but he can be sweet as well and saying that he needs dinner is just a way for him to say that he misses Mikasa’s cooking. When she looked up, a very familiar blonde and one of Mikasa’s classmates in a general subject came into view in one of the gazebos. Confusion was an understatement while she continued staring at Historia and Ymir laughing as if they were the only ones in the world. It was only a few weeks ago that she saw the blonde girl holding hands with you after a whole day of lectures. Maybe it was because she was staring too long at the couple that Ymir turned in her direction. As the freckled girl recognized the black-haired, stoic girl in one of their general classes, Ymir rose a hand in the air as a greeting. It also didn’t help that Historia looked at where Ymir was waving, with Mikasa tensing at the attention. She hastily waved back before turning in the direction of her car in the parking lot.

Several theories flickered through Mikasa’s head as she pulled out of the parking lot, the department store in their part of the city as her destination. Her mind was still a questioning mess the whole time she roamed the vegetable aisle until she bumped into another shopping cart, the clang of the metal breaking her trance.

“I’m sorry,” she told the person holding the other cart without looking up from her groceries.

“It’s fine.”

Mikasa quickly lifted her head at your voice. She probably looked like an idiot gawking at you in the middle of an aisle. You were dressed in an aquamarine shirt tucked in a pair of black slacks; your hair slung over one of your shoulders but for her, you looked so pretty. She concluded that you also got back from one of your lectures since your bag was placed inside the shopping cart, leaning beside a carton of strawberry milk. At the sight of the beverage, Mikasa’s chest pounded with her loud heartbeat, all the memories of you saying you like the taste of strawberries because of her entering her mind. Even after a full minute of you staring at each other, Mikasa couldn’t bear to look away. You’re so beautiful and she misses you so much.

“I miss you, too, Mikasa,” you murmured with flushed cheeks. “And you look good as usual.”

Mikasa’s face burned with embarrassment, reaching her ears, as she realized that she said her thoughts out loud. She was acting like she was in high school when she came to terms with her feelings for you. “U-Uhm, how are y-you?” Fucking hell, what is she stuttering for? It’s not like she got a below-passing score on one of her majors.

You softly smiled, tucking a stray lock of her behind your ear. “I’m doing fine. I was just thinking of making some homemade dinner tonight.” 

Mikasa nodded, recalling that you got a single apartment. “Me, too, but Eren asked me to make dinner for our movie night with Armin.”

At the mention of the two men, your face brightened. “How are they?”

The gray-eyed young woman reciprocated your smile. “Armin is still reeling Eren from doing anything stupid. You know how that dingbat is.” Your laugh made her day better. She faintly noticed that the two of you started walking side by side, pushing your carts to who knows what section of the department store. “The last time I saw them was before the exam week and we were studying so we didn’t do any catching up. Speaking of exams, how are yours?”

You hummed. “I think I got a passing grade on Parasitology and Microbiology. Those were the only subjects keeping me up for how many nights in a row.” You chuckled at your caffeinated state the previous weeks. “But the others were all papers so I guess I’m fine as of now.”

“Don’t tell me you got yourself palpitations from all the coffee.”

“You know me so well, Mika,” you laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to order coffee every time I go out this time. I don’t want a repeat of that night when I studied for Para. It was worse because I don’t have a roommate. How is Sasha doing, by the way? Still a ball of sunshine, I hope.” You spotted a cereal box you wanted to try so you mindlessly reached out for it but it was on the top shelf. Mikasa noticed your struggles, stopping behind you after chuckling to herself at how adorable you looked to reach the cereal box. You visibly tensed when you felt her front brush against your back, the box of cereal greeting your vision with Mikasa’s hand brushing on yours. “Thank you,” you whispered.

“You’re welcome,” she answered, patting your head before taking her cart and pushing it in the direction of the dairy section. “Yeah, Sasha is still as rowdy as the day you last visited. I threatened her again when she tried eating what I was plating for dinner. It was not a lovely night.” Mikasa paused, looking behind her when you’re not following close. She slightly panicked when she saw you looking down and gripping on the handle of the shopping cart. “[Name]? Are you okay?”

“Mikasa, I’m still into you.” You faced her with a smile. “Will you let me love you with all my heart again?”

Mikasa was speechless, her throat clogging up with overflowing emotions. She let out a delighted light, looking at you with eyes full of love.

“Yes. Will you let me in your heart again, [Name]?”

“Always, Mika.”

Their song of forever played once again and it felt so right that they wondered why they stopped it in the first place.

[yletylyf]

As is clear to anyone who’s read my work or looked at my tumblr, I have two favorite characters in the Harry Potter verse: Snape and Voldemort. The Snape fandom is controversial, but vibrantly alive and full of beautiful fic, art, discourse, essays, you name it. The Voldemort fandom is, hilariously, much less controversial. But the attention given to Voldemort as a character outside popular ships is nowhere near on the level with the Snape fandom. So this summer, I was thrilled to see the Voldemort Appreciation Fest revive a celebration centered around Voldemort’s character.

I wrote two pieces for the fest:

The Christmas Misadventures of Lord Voldemort: It's Christmas, and Lord Voldemort is feeling merry. His search for the Elder Wand has a new lead, and he just needs the help of a potions master to break into Nurmengard. But when Voldemort searches out Snape at Hogwarts, he is in for a surprise. In which Voldemort is convinced to get drunk, play silly card games with Death Eaters, and face the fact that he is very attracted to one Severus Snape. 

Eternity Is a Long Time to Spend Alone: Voldemort has won, Britain is his. What does he do next, when there is nothing left to conquer? When his friends and family start dying around him? When the world stops offering him anything new?

More thoughts below the cut.

I wrote Christmas Misadventures first. No one should be surprised that I wrote a Snape/Voldemort smut fic! I wanted to combine a celebration of Voldemort’s character with my OTP, I wanted to write something fun and light-hearted, and I wanted to write a positive depiction of Death Eaters. As explored in a post earlier on this blog, I’m intrigued by the notion that Snape enjoyed being headmaster, generally got along well with the Carrows, and was not being actively tortured by Voldemort for anything he did at Hogwarts. Some day I might write a serious take on this which reconciles this view with Neville’s description of his seventh-year experience at Hogwarts, but for now, I’m really happy with my sweet Severus x Voldemort short. 

The tags say “Missing Scene, or Alternate Universe, you decide,” and that’s my favorite part about this piece. Does Snape go deliver the sword to Harry the night after making love with Voldemort, or do Snape and Voldemort form a more solid alliance and win the war? You decide.

Eternity is my first serious gen take on Voldemort’s character. (I also have a short piece on him as an eleven year old, but he’s eleven; it doesn’t say much about the person he becomes.) I chose a prompt that asks “what does an immortal Voldemort do doing an eternity alone,” and answered it by saying “well, he does not end up being able to tolerate spending an eternity alone.” I don’t think anyone could; it would drive you mad to lose everything and everyone you cared about. You would quickly realize things that seemed outrageously important in your youth were not all that important. The time scale of this piece is epic - centuries covered in 2k words. I wanted to convey how utterly insignificant most things would start to seem when your life extends so far. Major plot points are worth a sentence at most. 

Of course, I also wanted to write a positive depiction of Snape, so we see him making the best of a Voldemort-Wins AU, marrying one of the "good guys” and raising a generation of children who eventually unite the Muggle and magical world and feel well-armed to face the future.

[prisonhannibal]

Do you have any cablepool fanfic recommendations bc I suffer daily trying to find good ones (especially comic based, but movie is fine too)

I think you might be a long distance telepath because I got an ask like this a while ago and didn’t answer it bc I needed time to think. and then I couldn’t find it in my inbox so I decided to just write a regular post, and while I was writing that post I got this ask!

ok these are in no particular order and I’m not using the actual plot summaries the authors used on ao3, just making stuff up or using quotes from the fic

one-shots

Landing on both broken hearted knees by rayguntomyhead (1.6k words, rated M)

Post Deadpool 2. Wade and Nate share a hotel room. I know what you’re thinking, it’s not that kind of fic. Nothing is going on with them yet.

Tropes by quakey (2.2k words, rated T)

Wade’s been reading TVtropes, and if Nate is fucking with him right now, Wade is gonna gut him like a fish and throw his bloody corpse in the sea for the sharks.

These days are great and so are you by bankrobbery (3k words, rated T)

Movie based. Wade gets kinkshamed by Weasel and hawaiian-shirt-shamed by Cable. They’re at the bar, basically

Motormouth by pavonine (13k words, rated T)

Wade can’t shut the fuck up, and this time it’s not even his fault! Wade’s been cursed to never be able to stop talking, which is really fucking inconvenient if you’ve got stuff you’re trying to not say.

also the norwegian prime minister is in it very briefly, and it was posted in 2013, when jens stoltenberg was the PM so I’m just gonna assume it’s him and bring your attention to this picture of him which I think is hilarious

Pressure points by denims (2k words, rated M)

Cable keeps casually touching him, which probably doesn’t mean anything (don’t listen to domino, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about), but it makes Wade feel weird. So, so weird.

Multi-chapter

Wade will f*** shit up for you by Quakey @withoutaconscienceorafilter (48k words, rated E, so minors stay away from this one, it’s the only thing on the list with actually NSFW scenes.)

The craigslist ad said “My name’s Wade and I fuck shit up professionally. So your ex getting married? I’ll crash that shit. Your job fire before their company picnick? I’ll show up with tequila and throw hands. Got some one one you hate an just wanna fuck their day up? I’m all over that shit. Serving all situations where we customize your service to your liking email me for pricing. Services guaranteed with video.” Maybe this is a horrible idea, and maybe he shouldn’t have, but Nate did answer it, so things are definitely about to get weird

I’m biased on this one because it was based on a post I made but it seriously is really good it’s super funny (almost choked to death trying not to laugh on the bus at one point) and in character and some of the scenes are so so so cute. Not sold yet? Hope is in it. AND Ellie. Hell yeah! This one is movie based, and I really like that it’s a regular non powered AU, but Nate’s arm+eye and Wade’s scars are still included. Like Nate has a prosthetic arm and Wade actually looks like Wade.

Fistful of shovels by surefall (28.6k words, rated T)

Now, you might be thinking, ms. Mutantapologist, this is tagged spideypool?? It is, but just trust me okay

Wade’s best friend, bromanciest of bros to ever bro, Nathan Summers is back in his life, and he’s really starting to get under Peter’s skin. They’re just too close, and Nathan is there all the damn time. List of things Wade’s weird time traveling BFF would look good in: 1. his own damn home. Nate and Peter get passive aggressive and competitive, Nate’s manipulative tendencies make an appearance, Peter is kind of a dick, and Wade’s honestly just happy to have his BFF back.

this is one of my favorite portrayals of their relationship dynamic tbh. just...their unbreakable bond...the way they keep coming back to each other through time and dimensions...that shit makes me cryyyy. and how well they know each other..the trust...the casual intimacy....how comfortable they’re with each other...also the dialogue in this is perfect, love their banter. This one is “screenshotting quotes and sending them to your friends” level funny. they also play mario kart and I think that’s nice.

Read Omake: Fistful of shovels for the Deleted Scenes Edition that has stuff that didn’t make it into the final fic or alternate versions of scenes. includes: Nate sending a shirtless selfie with ulterior motives, Nate being sort of a home wrecker (but at least he’s more honest about it!), aunt May, Nate being accused of being a bottom, etc.

Strangers by totallynotremus @totallynotremus (31k, rated T)

Nate plays games. Not weird manipulative mind games this time. Actual games. Online. With Wade and his friends. Wade feels targeted because come on, you behave mildly flirtatiously with the guy your friend group is gaming with online a lot acouple of times and suddenly your so called “friends” won’t stop harassing you about it. unbelievable. this one is also super funny

Motion Practice Universe: Cablepool Edition

I couldn’t put these in either category because they need to be in order and there’s one-shots AND a multi chapter fic so i’d have to separate them and that wouldn’t work. These are part of the (as of august 2020) 1,405,078 words long Motion Practice Universe, but you don’t need to read the rest of it to know what’s going on, I didn’t and it works 100% fine as a stand-alone storyline

Wade Wilson explains it all (or at least, how Clint’s keeping his job. Mostly keeping his job. It’s complicated.) by the_wordbutler (3.3k words, rated T)

Wade is trying to put together a fruit basket for Clint, because he’s a thoughtful friend (who does not get enough credit, hello?), unlike some other people. Example: his coworkers, who won’t let him focus on his super special important project (fruit basket!). And Nate, who’s eating an orange (from the fruit basket!😡) which has no business being that distracting.

it’s sort of an introduction to the next thing in the list, and I highly recommend reading it first. Definitely does a great job at showing what you’re gonna get from the full fic. Also, it’s cute and funny.

Admissions, Interrogatories, and other discoveries by the_wordbutler (150k words, rated M)

No, that wasn’t a typo, it really is 150k words. And I read it. Twice.

Basically, Wade is a criminal defense attorney, good job, you get to defend goat fuckers and other weirdos. Fun times. Nate’s a coworker, works in immigration and civil rights law, they do projects together. Just a bro he jokes around with, who sometimes brings Wade lunch, and whose arms Wade really likes to stare at, but that doesn’t mean anything, right?

this one is REAL slowburn (never in my LIFE have i experienced slow burn like this one holy FUCK), great relationship development and I just love their dynamic and banter in this one. Perfect dialogue and it’s really fucking funny, made me laugh out loud at several points! AND!! Hope is in it<3

What I learned on my summer vacation, an essay by Hope Summers by the_wordbutler (4.5k words, rated T)

Sequel to Admissions, interrogatories and other m discoveries. Wade, Nate, and ten year old Hope go to Disney World, and the beach. A lot of love and family<3 Wade took 3 sign language classes to talk to Hope (who’s deaf)

I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot of great ones but here’s what I could think of rn!!

[floralseokjin]

— crystallised 04 (m)

crystallised /ˈkrɪst(ə)lʌɪz/ (verb) make or become definite and clear

Six weeks, that’s all it takes to forget about the threesome you shared with your boyfriend, Yoongi, and your past…fuck buddy, Seokjin. After all, it’s no big deal. Yoongi and you are doing better than ever, there’s no reason to regret such a night shared. That is until you hear some gossip in the library one day, and then slowly, little by little, everything starts to fall apart… Can you begin to make sense out of all this confusion, or is it too late?

pairing; kim seokjin x reader genre/warnings;  college au, flashback indicated by italics (smut), slight angst, quite a lot of fluff, slow burn in a way, we’re still soft for moam seokjin 🤧 words; 24,347

sequel to; memoirs of a mistake and lostmyhead

chapters; 01 ⤑ 02 ⤑ 03 ⤑ 04 ⤑ 05 ⤑ 06 ⤑ 07⤑ 08 ✓

Yoongi came to pick up his things a few days after the break up like he said he would. The toothbrush and the razor left in your bathroom, a beanie, his hoody that he kept draped over your couch and then a pair of earphones you’d found on your bedside table. It all fitted into one bag. All you had to show for your relationship. All that was left. Once again, you were left wondering if you felt this way because of a broken heart, or if it was your own bitter disappointment at yet another failed relationship… This one wasn’t supposed to end like this. Yoongi was different, yet now you stood in front of him feeling like a stranger. Strange how things could change in a blink of an eye. When you finally stopped living in a dream world… 

“There’s really nothing that we can do?” 

You couldn’t help it. Despite knowing this wasn’t meant to be, knowing Yoongi and you weren’t right together, there was something still so desperate in you. Desperate for love, for happiness. It was pathetic really. Were you really willing to hold onto a relationship that wasn’t meant to be? You tried to think of Lina’s words of comfort as Yoongi shook his head sadly and embraced you. “Just because Yoongi is pretty much perfect doesn’t mean he’s right for you, and that’s okay. You’ll meet someone who is soon enough… Quit obsessing over it. It’ll only hurt more.”

You wrapped your arms around his middle, squeezing him tight just like your eyes. The way he smelt so familiar made your heart clench, seeming to beat in slow motion. Everything about him was familiar, but it didn’t seem like yours anymore. He wasn’t yours anymore, if he ever was… The past few days had made you think about a lot. The differences between Yoongi and you, ones that were probably small and meaningless but now seemed like enormous gaping holes in your doomed relationship. Lina was right. Yoongi was perfect, but he wasn’t your perfect. You needed to let that sink in and let him go. 

The strange thing was, once he left, you didn’t feel like crying. The morning had been nerve wracking while waiting for him to turn up, afraid you were going to burst into tears at seeing his face and make a fool of yourself, but it never came. There was sadness of course, but it just stayed heavy in your chest, there, but bearable. You phoned Lina shortly after, explaining what happened and told her how you felt. “That’s a good thing, right? No more tears”, she’d asked, and you had to agree. This was it. Things were back to how they used to be before Yoongi. That wasn’t a bad thing, it would just take some getting used to. You’d slowly feel less sad, less empty and more yourself. 

Lina asked if you wanted her to come over before work for a little while, just to keep you company but you declined. You’d be fine, you were fine. You needed to get used to being alone again, because since you’d told her about the break up she’d been like your second shadow. You’d only just gotten rid of her yesterday, because, yes, she had insisted on sleeping over 3 nights in a row, and yes, you had told her about the threesome-that-should-never-be-mentioned… You should have waited until she wasn’t chewing on popcorn to drop the bomb because you were about two seconds away from performing the Heimlich maneuver on her before the piece luckily dislodged itself. 

She was still trying to process the information to be honest, second guessing her opinion on Yoongi, because yes, she expected that type of behaviour from Seokjin, but Yoongi?! That was different. She couldn’t work out why he’d agreed to it… She couldn’t work out why you had agreed to it… But you weren’t about to dissect your brain to find the answers. It had happened, it was done. History. “Is it though? Seokjin’s sniffing around again pretty quickly…” had been her retort, to which you’d rolled your eyes at. Telling her you’d also hung out the night after the break up had been a mistake if she was going to make insane assumptions.  “We’re going to try being friends…” You’d sighed, knowing it was probably never going to get through to her. 

“TRY?! What does that mean? Do not tell me you’re even thinking about going back there?!”

“Of course not.” You’d punctuated slowly, glaring at her. “It means we’ve never been just friends before and we want to try because believe it or not, I like Seokjin as a person. Maybe if you looked past your poor misjudgement you’d see he’s not that bad.” 

“Seems fake, but okay.” 

You had to shut yourself up in the end, unsure why you were so defensive over him to begin with. Seokjin probably didn’t give a shit what Lina thought about him. So you shook your head, dismissing the stupid conversation. “Trust me, if Seokjin wanted to sleep with me again, he’d just say it outright. He doesn’t work under false pretences.” 

It was dumb even saying the words. Seokjin and you were also done, just like you and Yoongi. History. The only difference was there was little damage done between you both, a friendship could still happen. With Yoongi, despite what he said, it seemed impossible to be just friends right now. You knew he hadn’t wanted to hurt you, and you knew the break up was the right choice, but now your trust in him was a little tainted…

Lina had relented anyway, knowing it was none of her business to interfere, just like she relented when you insisted you could handle today on your own. There were floors to vacuum, laundry to wash, Netflix series to binge… You’d be fine. Although, when your phone rang again ten minutes later you were 95% sure it was her again, unable to take no for an answer. However, it wasn’t. 

It was Seokjin. You felt oddly nervous when you answered. You hadn’t seen him nor heard his voice since the other night he’d come around with take out, but you’d messaged on and off in between, and yes, you had wished him luck for his test. It was still a little new, this friendship thing, and it seemed you both didn’t know how to get it to progress without feeling awkward. He sounded awkward now as he spoke… 

“Hey… How are you?” He didn’t give you time to reply. “How did things with Yoongi go? Unless he hasn’t been yet–Has he been yet? Sorry,” he broke off to chuckle quietly at himself. “I’m bombarding you. I just… I wanted to see if you’re okay…” 

That touched you, made your chest warm, a smile appearing on your face that you were kinda glad he couldn’t see right now. “I’m fine, Dad.” 

“Dad?” He repeated, confused laughter now ringing in your ears. “You know I don’t like being called that.” 

You rolled your eyes, but at the same time not quite believing he’d gone there. Automatically your mind went places. You and him. A few months back. That was dangerous territory. You shook your head, physically shaking the memories away. “There’s a difference, Jin. Dad means you’re acting like my literal dad right now.” 

“Ew,” he simply replied, before he paused. He sounded hesitant when he continued. “I can tell by your voice that everything’s okay?” 

“Yeah,” you sighed lightly. You’d mentioned to Seokjin that today was the day last night through text, but you weren’t expecting him to phone and check up on you. That was sweet of him. “Yoongi left about half an hour ago. Took his stuff. I didn’t cry, so that’s good.” 

“Definitely,” Seokjin agreed quietly. 

You could hear people chattering in the background, guessing he was out in public somewhere. You absentmindedly stretched your arm above your head, catching yourself in the mirror where you stood and carried on talking. “So now I guess that’s it. I get used to being a lonely, old cat lady – just without the cats.” 

That made him snicker. You smiled. You always did like making him laugh. “Shut up. Hey, are you staying at home today?” 

“Mhm hm,” you nodded. Unable to help feeling a little curious. 

“Oh.” There was a pause, and you wondered if that was it. Was he just making small talk? It had sounded like he was about to suggest something. You waited patiently. Maybe a little hopefully. You heard him take a large breath. At least it sounded that way. “I’m in the Starbucks near campus trying to hit 2k words on this essay. Wanna join me?” 

You caught yourself smiling again. You’d been right. “Won’t you get distracted?” 

He scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself.” Before quickly backtracking. “Just kidding.” As if you didn’t know. “Can’t you bring some work along? We can motivate each other.” 

Hm. You had already told Lina you were going to stay in and do housework but fresh air seemed like something that could do you good. There was no point staying inside and moping around, plus, you could make a start on some assignments… “I do have something in by Thursday.” You made up your mind instantly. 

“Perfect.” 

“Give me half an hour.” 

You were a little longer than that. You needed to brush your hair, then change, because 2-day old sweats probably weren’t acceptable. Somewhere along the way you decided to apply some make up, the first time since the break up. It was really no big deal, you could’ve gone without, but it felt good to feel a little more human again. You grabbed what you needed and text Seokjin you were leaving. Starbucks was only about a ten-minute walk away so he knew when to roughly expect you. You were oddly excited. It had been a few days since you’d last seen him and if you were being honest, you’d been wondering when the next chance to hang out would arise. 

He greeted you with a, “Got you a tea. Two sugars. Just how you like it,” which for some reason struck at heartstring. 

“You remembered.” 

“Of course.” He gave a little shrug as you pulled up the chair opposite him. “It wasn’t that long ago, plus you’re like the only person I know who hates coffee.” 

That was true. He’d found it out the first time you’d (accidentally) slept over. Handing you a coffee in the morning definitely didn’t make you happy. Nor did not having any tea bags in his apartment. He soon learnt. 

“What’s your essay on?” You asked, motioning to his laptop and laughed when he pulled a face. 

“I don’t know. Something about the London stock market or some shit.” 

“How come Kim Seokjin majors in the most boring subject known to man?” 

“I’m hardly fun, am I?” He chuckled. Thinking about it, Seokjin was probably the dorkiest certified fuckboy you’d ever known, so maybe the business major did suit him really well. He was a good boy really. You teased him with that immediately when he judged you for pulling an iPad out of your bag to write your essay. (Who writes essays on an iPad?!) A good boy who always did his assignments on time (nearly) and always studied hard. How adorable. 

He took your ribbing all afternoon, even though surprisingly you did manage to get some work done. You probably would’ve stayed there until an employee kicked you out but Seokjin had a shift at the campus gym to get to. It was in your direction home, so you said you’d walk with him as you waited for him to shove his things into his backpack. 

“You look happier today,” he smiled your way as you left. Maybe he’d wanted to tell you that sooner considering how his shoulders relaxed a lot more as you began walking. The side eyes hadn’t gone amiss. 

“I have make up on.” You informed him. That could deceive anyone. 

He laughed, nudging your shoulder with his. “That’s not it.” Another side eye, a small small. 

“What?” You giggled. Maybe you did feel happier? You were so sure today would hurt the hardest, but in actual fact, you just felt lighter. The worst was done. 

“Nothing,” Seokjin shook his head lightly. “I just thought you’d be really cut up, that’s all.” 

“What do you want from me?” You exclaimed dramatically with a laugh. “Want me to be crying on your shoulder?!” You nudged him this time. He stumbled a little and you rolled your eyes, unable to tell if he was just messing with you. 

“No,” he whined. “I want this. Hearing your laugh again. You rolling your eyes at me. Watch it.” He warned, pointing his finger as he caught you doing it again. “You’ll lose them.” You both laughed together as you walked on. Yes, maybe it was slightly awkward, conversation stunted because Seokjin was still second guessing his comforting skills and you were unsure on how much to divulge in fear of making him too uncomfortable. Not that you really had much to tell anymore. You mostly just wanted to forget this horror of a week, so really, Seokjin was doing a great job. You told him just as much. 

“Thank you.” He looked comically unsure as he glanced at you. “For today. I’m happier because this cheered me up.”

 A crooked smile appeared on his face but you barely had any time to acknowledge it because you were taken by surprise when his arm wrapped around your shoulder. It took you a stunted moment to realise he was swiftly moving you out of harms way. Two seconds away from colliding with a man in suit who was looking down at his phone as he headed towards you. Embarrassingly, your own body had acted without command and it was too late to stop your own arm from clinging around his middle. Like a reflex. A strange and stupid reflex. You quickly removed it and and muttered your thanks. 

If he noticed your awkwardness he didn’t bring it up. Instead, chuckling under his breath, he squeezed your shoulder before sliding away. “I’m getting good at this friendship thing.” You nodded in agreement, gaze locked on the floor, but his sudden voice in your ear made you jump. “I’m glad you’re okay.” It was embarrassing, how skittish you felt over nothing. What was up with you? You were definitely allowed to touch Seokjin, and the action shouldn’t make you feel so embarrassed. You were being dumb. You shook yourself internally, looking up at him to agree. “Me too.” 

He grinned, showing no signs he’d noticed your odd behaviour and you relaxed, a little more normal now when you felt his palm at the small of your back, gently pushing you forward. “Come on. Before my boss slits my throat.” 

The walk wasn’t too long away from the gym, but you still scolded him as you rushed, wondering why you couldn’t have left earlier if he knew he had to get to work. You arrived at the glass doors a little out of breath and slightly warm. Seokjin was of course looking as perfect as always. No blemishes on his face while you had to hide about 4 today with concealer. You saw him off with a, “Good luck finishing that really boring essay,” wondering silently when you’d get to see him next. 

He grinned. “Thanks. I’ll need it. Hey–” His hand reached for your wrist, stopping you from leaving as you turned, and you tilted your head, wondering what he could want. He shuffled on his feet, suddenly unable to meet your eyes. “This sounds really random… You can say no if you want to.” He paused to shrug. “It’s just I really want to see Endgame but everyone I know is going with their girlfriends so unless I third wheel—which I doubt they’ll let me anyway, I have no one to go with…” He stopped to glance at you, sounding hopeful. “What do you say?” 

Your eyebrows creased together. “What’s Endgame?” Either you were really dumb or Seokjin was just forgetting who he was talking to. Maybe it was a bit of both by the sounds of his voice. 

“Serious?” Your blank expression told him that you were. He whined your name dramatically, clocking into work now the last thing on his mind. “It’s the new Avengers movie. The Avengers. Please tell me you know what I’m on about because otherwise we cannot be friends.”

“Of course I know what you’re on about. I just didn’t know there was a new movie, that’s all.” You shrugged and he looked instantly relieved. “I’ll come with you. Hate for you to be a loner.” 

“Really?” He sounded surprised.

You nodded with a hum. “I’ll have no clue what’s going on, but it’s fine.” 

“I’ll fill you in. Come on, you know Iron Man, right?” 

“Yes,” you exhaled. You weren’t completely stupid. “I know Iron Man. Robert Downey Jr is pretty hot.” He paused at that, visibly bemused. Whatever. You said what you said. 

“Go!” You exclaimed instead, waving your hand. He was going to be late, and you weren’t having him being fired on your conscience. “Before your boss slits that pretty little throat of yours.” 

Shit. Pretty?? Why had that left your mouth? You could tell by his small smirk he caught on too. You tried to hide the shock from your face. No big deal. It was a just a saying. You turned on cue, ready to dash. “I’ll text you tomorrow? We can work out when we’re both free?” 

You nodded quickly, turning to wave. “Bye, Seokjin.” 

.

.

…And with that your friendship began. At first it was… odd. Not a bad odd by any means, just weird. Weird to have him back in your life and weird in the way it was. Not even a year ago you’d found it hard to believe you were fuck buddies, in the loosest form of friendship, but now it was just buddy, and that was equally as hard to believe. At first. 

Once the bizarreness wore off, Seokjin’s company became so natural there didn’t seem to be a day that went past where you didn’t contact one another in some form or even hang out together. It was like he’d never not been there. Only this time it was better. You both agreed. 

Friendship blossoming between the two of you may have seemed impossible to others, considering the history that you shared, Hell, it had even seemed impossible to you, but it came easily and naturally. You enjoyed learning new things about him, and you thought it was the same for him. Why else would he be so keen to hang around? You didn’t know if Seokjin was having some kind of identity crisis or if he was just showing a new side of himself to you, but these days, he was different. Not vastly – the Seokjin you had grown to be fond of was still there, knew how to teasingly exasperate you, knew how to make you laugh, but now he was a little more serious, more mature. You’d seen glimpses of that behaviour when you were both hooking up, but to be honest the sex kind of distracted you from anything else, clouded your brain… You weren’t particularly interested in his friendship back then, it had just sort of come as a vague added bonus. One you passively enjoyed but didn’t think much about. 

Only, now you did see how much you’d missed him. You liked having him back in your life in this new way, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t help distract you from your break up with Yoongi. Your chest was still heavy for a while afterwards, but you couldn’t even tell if it was a broken heart or a bruised ego. Maybe it was both, or neither… Sometimes the sadness felt strange and you couldn’t place it. Your head was still a mess and it looked like you’d never get any real answers—from Yoongi and your own mind and heart. You hated it, but you continued to remind yourself of the positives. You had loving parents only a few blocks away, great friends, Lina, who had always been your best, Seokjin… School was going well, work too, ever since you’d left shitty Wendy’s. You couldn’t really complain if one thing had gone wrong, could you? Time was all you needed, and gradually, that time with Yoongi became just a memory… Life continued going. 

Seokjin   Am I your best friend ?

You   what do you want 

You knew Seokjin well enough to know when he was buttering you up. Even after the time spent apart, it was still easy to spot the signs. That, and with these past couple of weeks,  Seokjin seemed to love using the friendship you two now had as some sort of leverage for god knows what. It was buying him lunch last week because he’d conveniently forgotten his wallet at home. Two days ago it was giving him a ride to Namjoon and Hoseok’s place because his car was out of gas and he didn’t want to walk. Now it was what exactly? The suspense was killing you. 

Seokjin   You know me well  But answer the question 

You  no 😂  lina is !!

Seokjin  😔 Am I your best guy friend then?

You yes but only by default

You had no other guy friend who messaged you at 2am just as you were about to hit the hay asking if you wanted to grab breakfast in the morning and then proceeded to unload his day on you as you lay there in the dark, glow of your cellphone screen hurting your eyes. Not that you minded really. You still felt like you owed Seokjin after the whole break up drama, so more often than not you were fishing for any signs of change in mood from him, waiting to pounce and pay him back in kind. Not that kind of kind though. 

You were always doing that. Accidentally dropping yourself in it, making things awkward. You’d told Seokjin exactly the same right at the beginning and you still weren’t over how red your face had gotten when you’d tried to explain yourself. “Payment in kind, like a-actual kind. Comfort for comfort…” You’d stammered. He’d just wiggled his eyebrows. “What type of comfort?” 

However Seokjin never gave you anything mood wise to go off, so you had to assume he was perfectly fine. Which he probably was. It was just if he wanted to ever lay bare his innermost thoughts and feelings you were there. You had a feeing if you ever told him that part he’d run for the hills. He was just happy moaning about his day through text message, sometimes call, and you happily listened even if you sometimes hummed in agreement without really concentrating... 

Seokjin  I’ll just ignore that  YAY so will you come see Endgame again?

You  AGAIN?! 

Seokjin  PLEASE  I need to go one more time before it leaves theatres 

You  ask sandeul that movie was a whole three hours long  THREE HOURS I’LL NEVER BET BACK 

Seokjin  He doesn’t want to go again  PLS I’LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT 

Couldn’t he just wait until it came out on blu-ray? Then again, the ‘I’ll do anything you want’ sounded like an offer you couldn’t refuse. Maybe you could make him live to regret taking another three hours of your life away. Not that the movie was terrible. It was actually pretty good considering Seokjin had managed to give you the previous lowdowns not an hour before the screening. He didn’t need to know that though. 

You  hmm interesting.. ok but i’m still thinking about what you can do for me 

Seokjin Omg yes  Thank you  I’ll pay again 

You  of course 

Seokjin  😁 I love you 3000 

You scoffed at his lame butter up. You’d already said yes, he didn’t need to sway you anymore, and an Avengers reference wasn’t going to do the trick anyway. It did make you laugh though, despite that line actually ruining you in the movie, and despite what Jin said, it ruined him too. You’d heard an awful lot of sniffing coming from beside you during that scene… 

That’s how you found yourself at the movie theatre again on the weekend, eagerly waiting in line to get snacks because you’d only just finished work an hour ago and were surviving off a sandwich you’d eaten at lunch. 

“Jin! Wassup brother?” 

The booming voice of one of Seokjin’s friends was impossible not to hear as he passed by. You vaguely knew his face. Couldn’t remember the name though. “Oh, hey Bri.” Ah. Brain. He was with his girlfriend—Jiyeon, you knew her name. She was in your fashion history class. She smiled at you and you returned it. 

“What you seeing?” Brian asked, making conversation. 

Seokjin chuckled. “Endgame. Second time. I had to bribe this one to come with me again.” He nudged you playfully, grinning down at you and you laughed along with him. 

“Oh?” Brain tilted his head, looking between you both almost curiously. It made you feel a little nervous and you ended up sidling closer to Seokjin. “How’s it going?” He definitely had a grin on his face when he asked you both that. He didn’t… He didn’t have the wrong idea, did he? 

Seokjin seemed to realise the same thing, shifting on his feet, sounding stunted when he replied. “G-good. Yeah. It’s going good.” 

“We’re seeing Dumbo.” Jiyeon cut in, probably sensing the awkwardness in the air. A true life saver. “I brought tissues just in case,” she giggled. 

“You’ll need them,” you informed her, still feeling relieved she’d changed the subject. “I saw that last week with my friend actually. We cried like babies.” 

“Oh, god,” Brian groaned. 

“Babe! Just because you’re scared you’ll cry too,” Jiyeon teased, elbowing him. 

“Never,” he insisted. You all laughed. “We better bounce.” He added, checking the time on his phone. “Movie’s in five. See you around.” He nodded at Seokjin first, then you. “Have a good one.” 

You swore he winked when he said that but you told yourself you were imagining it, waving after them just as it was your turn in line. After you’d paid for your snacks and were walking to the theatre room you glanced over at Seokjin. “You could’ve asked Bri to come with you. Is he a fan? Really, you know everyone.” You chuckled. 

“Hey, I’m a friendly guy,” he insisted. That was true. You swore Seokjin knew pretty much 70% of people around college, and you were pretty sure everyone liked him. He just had that type of aura. Well, nearly everyone. Yoongi was probably the only person you knew who had his problems, and given the history you didn’t really blame him. 

You were about to agree when Seokjin’s phone buzzed, signalling he had a text. He opened it up without glancing at the preview and you caught your name on the screen. So did he, you guessed because he quickly locked the device and shoved it in his pocket. 

“Who’s that?” You wondered. You already knew. 

“Just Brian. He, uh.” A pause. Like he was trying to think, and then he chuckled. “He said ‘Enjoy the movie, nerd’.” You joined him politely. You mean, Brian could’ve said that. You didn’t see the whole message, but your name was definitely there, and Seokjin was most definitely not telling you why. 

You glanced at him again, maybe he could see the suspicion on your face but he didn’t say anything. Neither did you. You could see how flush his cheeks had gotten, ears too. He was obviously feeling nervous that you’d press him further. You didn’t. You got it. People knew your history with Seokjin, it wasn’t a surprise to you anymore, and therefore, if they saw you together they’d probably think something was going on again. Like now. Brian had assumed something and that was okay. Awkward maybe, but to be expected. You smiled at Seokjin and handed him the popcorn. “He’s not wrong.” 

“Hey! But yeah, he would’ve said no if I asked.” His hand fell to your lower back as he teased you and let you walk through the door first, mouth lowering to your ear, making you squirm a little. It tickled, and your skin seemed to glow where he touched you. Warm and comforting. Warm and nice. “See, you’re my only choice.”

.

.

“So what are your favourite movies?” 

You let your head fall back against the headrest as you thought about Seokjin’s question. It was now over four hours later and you were parked outside your apartment. He’d given you a ride home but you’d been sat here for 30 minutes or so just talking casually. Something you hadn’t done so in-depth before. It felt nice, and you should’ve just invited him in, but in all honesty, for some reason you were worried he’d say no. 

“I don’t know, I’ll watch anything really.” You shrugged after a moment. Titanic seemed too predictable and you knew Seokjin would probably tease you over it. You quickly run through some of your favourites from your teenage years. Wait. “Maybe Lord of the Rings? I loved it when I was younger.” The books were still on your to read list though. You doubted you’d ever get around to it… 

“No way,” he exclaimed. “Me too!” You grinned in surprise. It was always fun realising you had things in common. The small, strange things that you’d never had any clue about. Things like favourite movies, music, or books never came into question when you were just fucking. 

“I haven’t seen them in years. I always wanted to watch the extended versions all in one go. I’d probably flake though.” 

“Same,” you laughed, before suddenly having an idea. “Wait. I think I know what we can do together seeing as you owe me.” 

He tilted his head as he smirked a little. “Watching a movie franchise I love isn’t a punishment.” 

You scoffed. “Watching Endgame twice was hardly terrible, Seokjin. I came again because I wanted to.” That made him happy. Although you thought he already knew that. These days you were just content hanging out with him, whatever the reason. You thought he knew that too. 

You could hear a voice, whispering – irritating really. You were sleeping and it was interrupting you. It seemed to be getting louder, sounded an awful lot like your name, and now you were getting shaken. Woken up. Voice now familiar. Hushing your name over and over again as they tried to rouse you. You made a noise and stretched, opening your eyes. Seokjin’s face hovered over yours, blue with the glow of the television. “It’s late. You should go to bed.” 

You bolted up, he just had time to pull back narrowly missing you head butting him. “What time is it?” You asked, rubbing your eyes. You were still in a daze. You remembered earlier in the night, it was your Lord of the Rings marathon you’d been planning for the last few days, and Seokjin had come over at 5pm to get an early start. You’d made snacks and then you’d ordered pizza after the first movie was done. You remembered finishing the second one and being shocked that you may actually be able to do this. That was until you began the third. You remembered hitting play and then that was it. “Did we finish Return of the King?” 

Seokjin laughed, sitting back against the couch again. “No. I paused it like twenty minutes in. You’ve been asleep for nearly two hours. You groaned, leaning back too and pulling the blanket you’d had draped across you all night up over your shoulders. “Don’t worry, you did good to last that long.” He continued. “It’s nearly 4am.” 

No wonder you were dead to the world, it was practically the next day. Seokjin ran a hand through his hair. It was a little bit rumpled and he moved sluggishly. He sounded a little sluggish too. Voice a little croaky. “Did you fall asleep too?” 

“Yeah. I couldn’t fight it.” He sounded sheepish. Guess he hated the failure too. “I think I can drive home though.” Sitting up, he made motions to stand. “Maybe I’ll have a glass of water first. Y’know, wake up.” 

“No way.” Your insistence came with trapping him with your legs. Not that it could work. He was much stronger than you, but he listened anyway, too tired to fight.  “You can stay over. Is the sofa okay?” 

He heaved an exhausted sigh, grabbing your ankles to move and lie across the couch, his legs now trapping your body instead. Grinning, he reached for a cushion and put it behind his head, folding an arm behind there too. “Good thing it’s comfy.” 

You tried to wriggle your bottom half from under him but it was impossible. He was like lead. “Move your legs,” you whined, but he refused, unable to suppress the giant smirk on his face. You pushed and pulled at his calves. “Seokjin!” Your voice was breaking you were so tired so you think he took pity on you in the end. 

“Okay, okay, I’m moving them,” he chuckled, letting you sit forward so he could stretch them out behind you. 

“You’re so fucking lucky you’re wearing socks.” He laughed louder at that and you removed the blanket from yourself, leaning over to place it over him instead. It was pretty thick and he had his clothes on so he should be warm enough. “There you go. Let me tuck you in tight.” You teased, hovering to push the material under his body, travelling all the way down to his feet. You sat back to admire your handy work. He looked cosy. Cute. A large, human burrito. 

“Thanks, Mom,” he drawled. 

“Thought we said we’d never try that.” The words were out before you could stop them, silently cursing yourself for going there. What was with you both? He’d done something similar not so long ago too. 

But if Seokjin noticed your awkwardness, he didn’t let on, just chuckled softly. “Sorry.” 

You found yourself grinning and shook your head – you were being silly. Standing up, you switched the TV off and made your way slowly to bed in the newfound dark. Not that it was much of a journey. Your studio apartment had its perks. You could also see the silhouette of Seokjin the Human Burrito perfectly from where you lay. 

“Night night, watch the bed bugs don’t bite,” you sang, unable to stop yourself. He just fidgeted and groaned in reply. You rolled your eyes. 

.

.

You must have fallen asleep again pretty quickly because you couldn’t remember anything after that. You had no idea what the time was when you woke up, but light was streaming through the shades and you blindly stretched for your phone, knowing you’d left it somewhere on your nightstand earlier in the night. Ah ha! You found it and quickly unlocked it with your thumb. It was nearly 11am. You hated waking up late but what did you expect when you’d stayed up half the night. You peaked at Seokjin’s figure. Still asleep but now out of his burrito blanket, one leg stretched over the arm of the couch—which didn’t take much, he was too big for it anyway, and the other leg was hanging off, foot on the floor. Socks off. You couldn’t see his face, covered by the blanket, but the image made you smile. Without particularly thinking you snapped a picture, zooming in. There. Now you had the memory forever. 

You laid your head back down and began clicking on those dumb mobile games you were addicted to, before getting bored when you couldn’t beat a level of some infuriating cooking restaurant game you’d only downloaded two days ago. You opened up twitter. You had some notifications from last night after tweeting a picture of your television with the opening credits of Lord of the Rings paused across it. There were a few likes but all the replies were from Seokjin. 

(6:30pm) You tweeted:  [Image added]  LOTR MARATHON TONIGHT 🌋 💍👁🧙🏻‍♂️🧝🏻‍♀️

(6:32pm) Kim_Seokjin replied:  Ur honestly the biggest nerd I know 

(6:32pm) You replied:  funny because i think the EXACT same about you 😜

(2:30am) Kim_Seokjin replied:  And you fell asleep���.. 🙄

That was a new one, he’d obviously done it when you’d first fallen asleep. Just to fall asleep not long after, you might add… You were about to point that out ever so kindly when you had a new notification. The name made your heart stop, stomach sinking. 

MinYoongs liked your tweet 

It hadn’t been the first time Yoongi had liked something of yours since the break up. It had been over three weeks now and in that time he’d hit the heart on a few of your tweets. At first it had upset you, but now you you didn’t mind. It was sort of comforting, knowing he kept semi up to date with you. Like a part of him was still here. You’d began liking some of his tweets and even facebook uploads too. You’d seen him around college a couple of times but not immediate enough to have a conversation. Now that you didn’t have class together your paths went back to not crossing like they had in the beginning. You’d smile and nod in his direction and he’d do the same, raising a hand in acknowledgment. It was sad to think that’s what your relationship had become now, but what could you do? A part of you was still holding out on one day being able to be friends. You mean, if you and Seokjin could do it then it was possible, right? 

Only this time he liked your tweet it made you feel weird. Guilty, probably. He’d liked it even after seeing Seokjin’s replies. What did he think? You couldn’t help but wonder. It was pretty obvious Seokjin had been around your apartment watching movies on your sofa where you used to do the same with Yoongi. It was entirely innocent, but Yoongi didn’t know that. Yoongi knew Seokjin as the guy you’d been fucking before you began dating him. Yoongi knew Seokjin as the guy he’d shared you with that one stupid night. Yoongi knew Seokjin and all the history you guys shared, and he had still liked your tweet? What did that mean? 

Was he totally unbothered? Did you want him to be bothered? No, you didn’t. However, you still couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. You wondered if you should message him, try to explain, but really there was nothing to explain. Doing so would just make you look like you had something to hide, and you already still felt the guilt at running to Seokjin’s place the night of the break up. Like you were hiding something from him. By Yoongi liking that tweet it showed you he was fine with whatever was going on, but you couldn’t very well hit him up like ‘Me and Seokjin are just friends. Honest.’ It was weird. He probably knew you were hanging around with one another anyway. You didn’t do it often, but you had met up around college sometimes, studied together in the library. He could’ve seen it, his friends could’ve seen it. It probably came to no surprise to him. 

You were overthinking again. It was stupid and you hated doing it. Seokjin stirred, the sound of his phone falling onto the floor making you both jump. He groaned as he reached for it and you took the opportunity to banish your thoughts. There was no point worrying over things you couldn’t control nor knew the answers to. “You awake?” 

“Mpmph. Morning.” 

His voice was raspy, thick with sleep, but at least he was semi intelligible. “Couch still comfy?” 

“Yeah. I wanna take that back.” He said as he shifted, sitting up. You bit back the urge to laugh. His hair was flattened in the back, face puffy. It had been a while since you’d seen him like this. “It’s like lying on concrete after a while.” 

“Sorry.” A giggle slipped and he stared you down, just making you laugh harder if anything. 

He shook his head in defeat. “Anyways, wanna eat and finish where we left off?” You nodded immediately, discarding your phone on the nightstand quickly. Maybe your mind couldn’t switch off fully but you were thankful for the help. Even if Seokjin didn’t know he was doing just that. 

“God. Will you quit it.” 

“Quit what?” You wondered cluelessly, looking up from your phone to see Lina sentencing death with one glare. 

“Messaging Jin every two seconds.” 

You paused, feeling a little sheepish, like you’d been caught doing something you shouldn’t. Which was stupid because 1) You’d been messaging him in plain sight and 2) You were definitely not doing anything wrong. It wasn’t your fault Lina treated Seokjin like he was the antichrist… You locked your phone and shoved it down the side of her couch. “It’s fine. He’s going to work now anyway.” 

That didn’t appease her though. You could feel her eyes still on you, even though you’d tried to make yourself as small as possible as you began watching whatever was on the TV. You finally gave in, glancing over at her expectantly. Whatever she wanted to say she should just go for it. 

“Tell me the truth, are you sleeping with him again?” 

“No! What?!” Okay. You hadn’t been expecting that at all. “Lina, shut up.” You brushed her off. 

“Well, I don’t know. You kept it quiet for months the first time.” 

How could she even think that? Yes, you were hanging out with him quite a lot now, and yes, you had kept your hook ups secret from her for the longest time, but that was all in the past. You kept it hidden because you weren’t particularly proud of it, but as time past it became harder and harder to tell her, even if you no longer cared because you began to like Seokjin as a person and not just as a good fuck. In the end you were no longer embarrassed, just awkward. 

“We’re just friends.” It would never happen again between the two of you. Hook ups weren’t your thing now. It hadn’t ended particularly badly but things had gotten complicated for no good reason. You didn’t want that anymore. You liked what you had with him now and were thankful for him. 

“Sure about that?” She pressed, her tone telling you she didn’t believe you at all. 

“Very sure.” You insisted. She wouldn’t budge. Had that annoying pretentious look on her face that drove you crazy. “Want to see our messages?” You added as a joke but her eyes lit up. “Oh, my god. You do, don’t you?!” She didn’t give you an answer, but had the decency to look sheepish. “Do it!” You exclaimed, grabbing your phone to open up your messages and give it to her. 

She began to scroll hesitantly, reading upwards, as if you weren’t already judging her nosy little ass. You couldn’t help but joke around though. “There’s no dick pics, if that’s what you’re eager to see.” 

She pulled a face. “Ew. My eyes would never recover.” You scoffed. You both knew despite her distaste for Seokjin she had definitely asked you to confirm if his dick was as big as people said when she’d found out about your promiscuous activities. So she couldn’t say shit despite gagging when you’d gone into detail, (it had involved a quick sketch and comparisons), but otherwise you ignored her, letting her read conversations that weren’t even that interesting. Whatever she expected to find, she didn’t of course. “What is this?” She asked you, now scrolling aimlessly. 

“Pretty boring, right?” 

“Why are you having a whole conversation about Lord of the Rings? It lasted two days?!” The judgment in her tone was classic Lina, but more than that she was just honestly bewildered. Until— “I love you 3000?! Why is he telling you he loves you?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Relax. It’s an Avengers reference.” 

“Oh for god’s sake. You’ve gone full nerd. He’s confessing his love with movie references.” 

“He’s not confessing anything,” you sighed. As if. Seokjin falling in love with you, even anyone, just seemed hilarious. Maybe when he was thirty something. You watched her scroll up some more until she got bored and handed it back to you. “Innocent, right?” 

“I guess so…” 

You laughed. How was she still so suspicious? “Now will you drop it?” 

“Fine.” She sighed. “It does look like you two have some sort of friendship going on. Who am I to judge.” 

“Finally. So you admit Seokjin isn’t so bad?” You grinned. Mostly teasing her, but also pretty happy she was finally beginning to understand your friendship with Seokjin. 

She stared at you. “I wouldn’t go that far. But yeah, it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to slip inside somewhere.” 

You wrinkled your nose. “Definitely not.” Like you’d told her before, if that was the case he would’ve just asked outright. You glanced over at her again, realising she was still watching you carefully. As if trying to spot any slip ups. “What?” 

“What about you?” She asked almost cryptically. 

“What about me?” 

“You’ve been awfully happy lately.” 

Her tone was a little accusing, despite the context. “I can’t be happy now?” 

“Of course you can.” She exclaimed. “It’s just you know, considering what went down with Yoongi and all… It wasn’t that long ago.” 

“It’s been long enough,” you shrugged. Seemed like a lifetime ago. Seemed like you and Yoongi never happened… “Lina, I’m done moping. Have been for a while. Me and him tried and it failed. That’s life.” 

“Okay, okay,” she chuckled quietly. “I’m not getting at you. I think it’s good you’re not beating yourself up about it.” She give you a knowing look. It wouldn’t have been the first time you’d blamed yourself. Shockingly, she was right. You hadn’t gone full self loathing mode this time around.  “I’m just worried… You don’t want more with Jin, do you?” 

“Huh?” Her question caught you off guard, as did her gentle voice. The thought hadn’t even crossed your mind, but maybe you could understand why it had crossed hers. Every guy you’d ever seemed to get involved with you’d fallen for. Despite however adamant you were to keep things unattached sometimes. Seokjin was the only guy that hadn’t happened with, yet he proved to be the guy that was the kindest to you. The one who meant the most. 

“You’ve been hanging out a lot lately. At first I thought it was just a distraction for you, but well, you sure you haven’t fallen for him?” 

“I haven’t,” you shook your head. You replied without really thinking. Automatically. “We’re just friends.” Because you were, and it worked that way. It really did. 

“Okay,” she nodded and smiled, letting it go. She did genuinely seem to believe you. “Whatever makes you happy. I just don’t want you getting hurt again, that’s all.” You smiled back, unable to fight the urge to hug her. She received it happily. Lina was your best friend. Had been since high school. She was the one you could be a little more vulnerable around, show your gentler side to, and likewise. She was a lot harder skinned than you though. Yours was mainly for show. She truly took no shit.  

“Just don’t go replacing me with him, got it?” She joked, pulling away. 

“Awh, is that what you’re worrying about, Lina?” You teased, clinging to her as you rubbed your face in her neck. “Don’t worry, there’s only one of you. You’re not going anywhere.” 

“Get off,” she giggled. “Of course there’s only one of me.” 

“I am happy that you like Seokjin now though.” You couldn’t help but slip in, the teasing now over. 

She scoffed, blowing air. “Wouldn’t go that far.” You just shrugged, about to suggest you order some food but she squealed, suddenly remembering something. “Oh my god, wait! I was supposed to tell you! Summer is getting into astrology and she told me about this really cool app!” She pulled out your phone and you laughed at her dramatic excitement.  “Download it too and let’s see how compatible we are! I need to know if we’re going to be best friends for ever.” 

…And she called you the nerd? 

“I wanna start working out.” 

You paused from browsing a rack of clothes to glance at Seokjin, waiting for his response. You’d made up your mind to go to the mall today after class and for some reason, after telling him, “Do you want to come to?” rolled from your tongue. He agreed almost instantly, so here you were, Seokjin following by your side as you aimlessly (window) shopped. 

He had an eyebrow cocked. “You do?” 

“Mmhm,” you nodded, pulling a shirt from a pole to hold it up to your body. You met his eyes in the mirror. “I think I want abs.” 

He scoffed instantly. “Abs?! You’ll give up before that.” 

“I won’t,” you whined, pushing him with your elbow as you slotted the shirt back with the others. He grabbed ahold of your arm naturally, playfully pushing you back. “It can’t be that hard anyway?” 

Maybe abs were a little too ambitious. You just felt the need to start working out, to get healthy, change your diet. You often got these spur of the moment plans but if you were being real, you never stuck to them. There was the time you and Lina decided to go jogging three times a week before classes. That lasted one week. There was also that time you tried to follow a pilates youtube video… You lasted ten minutes. The video was forty. This time was a little bit different though. You had Seokjin. He worked out every day (at least he used to), and he worked in the goddamn campus gym. You needed a motivator and he was the perfect candidate. At least he he had been.. You were taking his negativity quite personally. 

He agreed. Slightly. “It probably won’t for you, no, but I don’t think you have the willpower though.” 

You scowled at his smirk. He just looked amused. “Excuse you. You’re just afraid mine will look better than yours.” 

“I don’t have them anymore,” he chuckled. 

“Really?” You did not believe him whatsoever. “Liar. Show me.” Your hands were bunching up his t-shirt before you really had time to realise what you were doing, your fingers slipping under, brushing against his stomach. Still hard and just as warm as you remembered. Something jumped inside of you. It was gone before you had time to place it. 

He hissed your name with a baffled laugh, grabbing your hand. “We’re in public.” 

This time the sensation in your gut stayed longer when it appeared. You had enough time to understand it but you pushed it away, taking your hand back with a roll of eyes. You ignored how hot your face felt and acted as usual, beginning to toddle off. “Whatever. I’m joining the college gym. I’ll find someone else to help me if you don’t.” 

“Ah, I see,” he called after you, speeding up to catch you up. You could hear the slight tease in his voice, which wasn’t doing anything for your jostled hormones. Damn time of the month. That’s what you’d blame it on. “This is just a ploy to see me more. Hanging out at my place of work now? I think I’ll just show up at yours too. I have a sudden interest in fashion.”

He nudged you with his shoulder and you scoffed. “With your dress sense? Try again.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the look of indignation on his face.  

He sighed in defeat. “Fine. If I help you get fit, you can help me dress better.” 

You stopped, a handbag catching your eye, but also, bless him. “Seokjin, you dress fine enough,” you said as you turned to him. White t-shirt, a black cardigan, jeans that had holes in at the knees, black converse. It was all very casual prep. Effortless, because you knew for a fact Seokjin just picked whatever out of his closet and slipped it on in the mornings. Very boy next door. You wouldn’t really have it any other way. 

That didn’t seem to satisfy him though, going by the pout he gave you. “You just laughed at me.” 

You needed to physically clench your fists to stop you from reaching up and attempting to pinch those lips of his. Madness. “I really like your style. It suits you.” 

“You do?” 

He looked happy with that, lips now quirking up a little at the edges. You nodded sincerely. “Yep. It’s cosy. Although, you could probably do with wearing tighter fitting shirts.” He cocked an eyebrow at your suggestion. “You know, to show of this…” Those pesky hands of yours found themselves gliding across his shoulders. You caught Seokjin’s eyes and smiled quickly, awkwardly no doubt and pulled away, grabbing the handbag off the rack to uselessly look at. “Girls will like that a lot. Not that you need help.” You muttered the last part, unsure if he heard you. 

He did, chuckling quietly. “I’m not interested.” 

You paused, trying to decipher his words. He wasn’t interested in the shirts or the girls? It had to be the former, Kim Seokjin was always interested in girls. Although, saying that, you hadn’t heard him talk about any since you’d began hanging out together. Not that he had to. That would probably be weird. No, scrap that. It would definitely be weird. You did not want to hear about his hook ups and likewise for him most probably. Not that there were any hook ups. You were taking a much-needed break. Seokjin was the only man you needed in your life, which sounded incredibly cheesy now that you’d thought it. 

“I’ll still help you though,” he continued, following you as you began strolling again, heading for the exit. 

“Oh my god, yay! Thank you!” You gleed, unable to stop yourself from latching onto his arms and squeezing him. God. What was with you and physical contact today? Maybe you’d always done it, you were just paying extra attention today? Truthfully, ever since Lina had given you the third degree the other night you kept questioning every small thing you did towards Seokjin. Silly because there was nothing to second guess. He definitely didn’t do the same. 

You kept your distance after that, looking around the mall for a sports store. “I need to find something to wear,” was your excuse. “Surely you have a pair of leggings and a t-shirt at home,” was his response. Which was the dumbest thing he could say to you seeing as you were the world’s biggest shopper. 

“Let’s get doughnuts first,” he said after a few minutes of searching, catching you by surprise when he grabbed ahold of your elbow. He looked like he realised what he did because he pulled back quickly. Okay so maybe it wasn’t just you… You happily followed him anyway, the smell making your belly rumble. 

“You have to start eating healthy if you want abs. This is your last chance to get that treat.” He teased, laughing a little too sadistically when he saw you frown at the realisation…

.

.

 “That wasn’t too bad.” You commented, making your way to the exit of the gym with Seokjin close behind you. You’d waited an extra twenty minutes for him to finish his shift so he could give you a ride home and now if you were being honest, you couldn’t wait to get in and run a bath. Seokjin didn’t need to know that though. 

He said your name disapprovingly behind you, tugging off his lanyard to shove in his hoody pocket. You must say, Seokjin’s gym attire was something else. You hadn’t seen him in a pair of shorts for months and his thighs had definitely gotten bigger. Not that you were staring… 

“What?” You puzzled, confused by his tone.  

“You went on the running machine for half and hour and then did some squats.” 

Okay, the patronising dick. “Some?! That was like a hundred!” He was the one who suggested starting off easy, and FYI, squats kinda burned if you weren’t used to them. Seokjin scoffed in reply, adding a “that wasn’t a hundred,” and you went to glare at him as you pushed the glass door open but some guy did so for you, already pulling it from the other side to enter. “Ladies first,” he grinned at you, letting you slide past him. 

“Thank you,” you smiled back, noticing Seokjin almost push his way past after you. “At least there are nice people here,” you shot. 

He pulled a face instantly. “You serious? They’re nice because they want to fuck you.” Your affronted expression said it all, and because you didn’t believe him, you whipped your head around, immediately catching the guy who’d held the door open for you looking back too. He smirked when he noticed he had your attention. You shot your head forward quickly, eyes wide. 

“See.” Seokjin exclaimed. “I had to watch pretty much every guy check you out.” He sounded almost pissed. Nah. It was probably just your imagination. Bet you anything he just found it lame. 

“Get lost.” 

“No, really.” He insisted. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but your…” He hesitated and you looked up, curious but also regretting instantly when you did. “Your ass looks really good in those pants. I think you can skip the squats next time.” 

You really had to be looking him in the eyes when he said that. You felt your face heat up immediately. Much more of a reaction than when that guy had smirked at you. “You were looking too?!” You exclaimed. 

“Hey,” he whined. “It’s not my fault! I’m a guy, and in my defence, we have history.” A little shrug. “Things pop into my mind. Can’t control it.” 

“Seokjin,” you gasped. What did that even mean? You couldn’t believe the words were coming out of his mouth. 

“What? I’m just being honest.” He sounded so casual you just kept silent. Speechless by his gall. “Come on, get in. You’ll be aching soon,” he added, stopping by his car and opening the passenger’s side up for you. 

You rode in complete silence. You didn’t want it to be awkward but it was. Not because he’d made you feel uncomfortable, but just because you couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said. Why were you repeating his words over and over again inside your head? Why were you pretty sure your face was now as red as a tomato? It definitely wasn’t the working out… 

“Same time tomorrow?” He asked when he pulled up outside your door and stopped the engine. He sounded fine, natural and breezy. Hopefully he hadn’t caught onto your awkwardness but quite possibly he was just good at hiding it. 

You forced a smile. If he could be unaffected, so could you.  “I’ll be there fighting fit.” 

He smiled dubiously. “I won’t hold my breath.” 

“Hey,” you shot quietly, feeling better now despite his doubt in your ability.

“I start at 4, finish at 8.” 

You nodded, stepping out onto the sidewalk and waved him goodbye. “Bye, Seokjin.” He sounded soft when he copied, your name almost hushing from his lips. You felt a tug in your chest. You needed water. You were dehydrated. 

And that was the story of how Seokjin became your very own personal trainer. Or so he liked to call it. He didn’t particularly help whatsoever. Just ordered you about and then laughed at you when you struggled. “I could get you fired for this,” you’d shot this evening, sweat pouring down your temples as you’d basically crawled off the rowing machine. 

“And I could get you banned for flirting with the staff,” had been his comeback. “Maybe arrested for stalking too.” 

Despite your initial affronted expression, you couldn’t help but laugh. Something had changed recently between the two of you. Maybe you were just getting a lot more comfortable given all the time you spent together. Maybe it was something else. You didn’t know and you didn’t really want to dwell too much on it. Seokjin was a flirt after all, and you were okay with that. You didn’t mind joking around with him. 

If you were being honest, you didn’t mind anything when it came to him. Which was why you were willing to practically cripple yourself in order to carry on going to the gym. Sometimes when Seokjin wasn’t getting paid to step foot into the gym, he went with you anyway and you got to sneak a peek as he worked out too. You were only human after all, and Seokjin still had a body that made your mind susceptible to dirty thoughts. You now understood what he meant about being unable to stop things popping into his head. But it was fine. Natural and expected to an extent. Seokjin was your friend, and just your friend, like you’d already insisted to Lina. 

.

.

“This is the worst.” 

You heard Seokjin snicker a bit behind you, having fallen back a few steps while he checked his cellphone. Whose bright idea was it to walk to and from the gym, and today of all days? “You’re walking like you’ve shit yourself.” 

You snapped your neck around. If looks could kill. “Shut up.” You’d storm off but it hurt too much so all you could do was attempt to speed hobble. Seokjin soon caught up up. 

“I told you not to row a kilometre.” Condescending as usual. “It was your first time. That shit burns if you’re not used to it.” 

“Already?” You whimpered. Usually it took until the next day, a few hours at least, until the burn was apparent. You were a goddamn fool. Who knew pulling back and forth repeatedly could fuck you up so bad. “What am I going to be like tomorrow?” 

You wanted at least some sympathy but you didn’t get it. “Worse.” The most casual of shrugs. “You’ve used muscles you don’t usually work.” 

“I’ve used muscles I didn’t know I had!” 

He laughed at that. Genuinely amused. “You’re a weakling. You need to gain some strength and stamina. It doesn’t come automatically. If you want those abs you need to be working out every day. Maybe go running in the morning, cycling… ” You groaned as he spoke. You hadn’t ridden a bike in years. Why was there so much work to look good? Seokjin made it look effortless, the dick. 

He laughed again. This time lower but closer to you, his breath puffing against the back of your neck as he took you by surprise and gripped your waist with his hands. “C’mon, let me help you. Guide you.” Patronising. You wanted to tell him that but your mouth wasn’t working. You walked as he did, letting him escort you down the remaining length of the sidewalk with a gentle push. 

“Four more steps forward. Turn left to be met with your apartment door. Up the two steps.” Lifting your legs awkwardly, he brushed into you, crotch against your ass. You were going to hell. Your mind went to places embarrassingly quickly. 

“Keys.” You were suddenly cold when he removed his hands from you to search through your bag. Just for your hand to be met with the familiar warmth as he cupped it. It took you a moment to realise he’d pressed the key into your palm. He sighed. Thankfully mistaking your airhead for post-workout soreness. “I’ll do it then.” He guided your hand to the door. “Forward. Insert into hole.” 

“Oh my god.” You couldn’t help but mutter that one. At least there was a part of your brain still working… The incredibly perverted part, but a part nonetheless. 

“Do you have to make everything so dirty?” He looked down at you, dramatic judgement in his tone. You felt him twist the key in your hand, opening the door. He looked you dead in the eyes as he spoke again. “Turn and open wide. Well done!” 

That was definitely on purpose. You could tell by the smirk that couldn’t help but sneak its way on his face. You’d chew his ear off but he was immediately getting behind you again, wrapping his arms around your middle and before you knew it he was lifting you up, ignoring your squealing as you clutched onto his hands. “Now to get your poor frail body through the threshold.” There was an obvious fake strain to his voice as he did so and it was over in seconds, putting you down as soon as he’d raised you a few inches off the ground.

You rounded on him immediately. “I regret inviting you over if I knew you were going to be such a jackass.” 

He raised his hands up as a peace offering. “This is all just very amusing to me.” 

You couldn’t be bothered to argue, making your way to the couch to collapse onto (slowly, if possible), and let your body just buzz. You couldn’t tell if it was the muscles you didn’t know you had contracting, or if it was the lingered feeling of Seokjin’s hands on your body… That sounded pathetic. “I’m never moving,” you declared loudly, speaking truth but also trying to distract yourself. 

Seokjin watched you and chuckled, shaking his head slowly. “I’ll get you something to drink.”  

“Alcohol!” You shouted (unnecessarily, it was a one room apartment after all…) as he walked a little way forward to your kitchenette.  “And chips. Fuck the healthy diet. I need sustenance.” 

You switched on the television as Seokjin pottered away, opening cupboards as he searched for something suitable. It was cute how he knew where your drinking glasses were kept and where you kept your snacks. Maybe he never forgot from before… 

“There you go,” he said, dropping a bag of chips into your lap from above. You opened them immediately, feasting like you hadn’t eaten all day. “Will this do? It’s all you had.” You  looked up at him, seeing him holding a green bottle. When he spoke again he sounded uncertain. “Sour apple?” 

You wrinkled your nose. “It’s nasty stuff. Give it to me!” 

He laughed at your outstretched arm and sat next to you, reaching for the drinking glass under his arm so he could pour you some. He passed it to you and you took a tentative sip, the familiar sickly and artificial taste making you wince. But you needed something to ease those poor muscles of yours, and because you weren’t a major drinker, this was all your stupid self had hiding away in your cupboards. 

You watched Seokjin sniff inside the bottle just as cautious but for some reason he took a giant swig, making a loud noise of objection as soon as the liquid slipped down his throat. “Ew. What the fuck is that?! It’s vile.” 

“Right? It’s gross,” you agreed, chuckling as he stuck out his tongue, and it was already toxic waste green. “It made me throw up like crazy a few months back.” Funny, you still remembered (bits of) that night when Yoongi had looked after you, but the memories no longer made you feel sad, dejected. That was indeed a good thing. You took your own sniff, now dubious. “It’s not too old, right?” 

“Nah, should be fine,” he shrugged, taking another sip. He winced all the way through it. “I think you’re supposed to make cocktails with it, or at least shots.” 

You eyed your generously poured glass. “Go big or go home, huh?” 

“You are home,” he commented, thinking he was clever. You went to kick him, forgetting your legs were fucked up and yelled out. Seokjin chuckled, grabbing your ankles one by one so he could lift your legs over his lap. “I guess this is my fault as your personal trainer and all,” he teased, beginning to rub one of your calves with his free hand. You didn’t have time to freak out about the physical contact this time around, because in all honesty, the sensation felt amazing for your poor, hurt muscles.  

He continued for a little while until he got bored (called it), but you kept your legs there. After all, he hadn’t pushed them away, and like you said, it was helping your muscles… You don’t know why them being on his lap specifically helped, it was all probably psychological, but whatever, for once you weren’t going to overthink things. 

Soon enough sporadic sips of the toxic waste became too much and you pulled a face, groaning loudly. “I’m beginning to feel a little sick.” 

“Yeah, let’s stop,” he agreed, all while taking one last glug that made you giggle when he stuck his tongue out in disgust. He smiled at you, seemingly amused by something. You didn’t know what. Himself? Seemed about right. You were going to ask when he huffed your legs from him and took your glass from your hand as he stood up. “Not worth it. The stuff feels like it’s swimming in my veins.” You watched him walk towards your sink, looking over his shoulder to shoot you a question as he hovered the bottle over the basin. “May I?” You nodded, glad to see the back of the green liquid as it poured down the drain.  

“Noodles?” He suggested shortly after. 

“Please.” Maybe it would help get rid of the awful taste inside your mouth. You were dumb for even considering the drink once again. Thankfully, Seokjin also poured you a glass of water, which you downed in one go, sicky feeling leaving you as you munched on the slightly hard ramen. 

Somewhere along the line, Seokjin took the remote from between your bodies and started browsing through Netflix. You complained about how even though there was so much choice you could never find anything new to watch. You’d watched everything good. He listened to you politely, a slight smile on his face because by now you were tired, you could tell, your words seeping into one another, or maybe it was that evil drink seeping into your brain. Never again. 

In the end you suggested something he’d surely protest to. Angsty teenage vampires didn’t seem his thing, but shockingly he agreed to the first episode of The Vampire Diaries. You didn’t even have to try and persuade him with a little backstory, about how it used to be your favourite show back in high school. You warned him within the first two seconds that if he wasn’t Team Damon, he could leave your apartment right this instant and never come back. Thankfully he agreed that Damon was far hotter than Stefan, so it all worked out perfectly. You knew you could always count on Seokjin. 

You didn’t make it through to the end. Your noodles sat on your coffee table half eaten, your head having fallen onto Seokjin’s shoulder, eyes half closed. Could very well be near dribbling knowing your luck. Not that he seemed to care. He let you snooze on him, his arm crushed into your side, his warmth making you all that cosier. Honestly, a nice blanket draped over the two of you could do the trick right now. You could really fall asleep, and fall asleep good. However, just as that was happening it was all over, Seokjin shaking you gently, telling you the episode had finished. 

“What time is it?” You asked, voice thick, eyes heavy. 

He checked his phone, chuckling. “11pm.” 

You groaned, lifting your head and rubbed your eyes. “God, I’m old.” 

He laughed harder. “I can’t believe the gym fucked you up already. I think you should get to bed.” 

“Can’t move remember.” Your thighs and calves felt even more stiff now. Call you dramatic, but the thought of moving seemed like the worst thing in the world. Why couldn’t you have just slept on Seokjin’s shoulder all night? He was such a spoil sport. You were going to tell him that before he jumped to his feet, standing in front of you and leaving you confused. 

“I’ll just have to carry you then.” He said matter-of-factly, and you didn’t have another second to process his words before he was hooking one arm under your knees, one around your back and lifting you effortlessly. 

“Oh my god,” you squealed, instinctively wrapping your arms around his neck and clutching on for dear life. 

He strained a groan as he straightened his back, taking a few staggered steps backwards, catching his balance, before he turned and began in the direction of your bed. “You’re so lucky the journey isn’t far.” 

The noise that left you could only be described as indignant as you slapped between his shoulder blades. How dare he be so dramatic, but trust karma to always pull through. He lost his footing and tripped as he climbed the platform that held your bed. He managed to drop you down unscathed albeit for the sudden shock of your back bouncing against mattress, but he also went with you, palms pressing into the sheets, caging your body with his. All he needed was to swing your legs up, cage them in too. As it would, they hung limply off the bed, just as dazed as you. 

The thought entered your mind immediately and wouldn’t leave. You used to love being under him. Even when you looked up at him, assuming he’d gain his bearings and move away. He didn’t. You mean, he eased up a little, hands no longer either side of your head, but somehow they found their way to your hips, urging you too lift your legs onto the bed. You did so silently, not taking your eyes from him. It was strange. One of you should have said something by now. Seokjin should have joked around, apologised for being clumsy. You should have moaned at him, whined he could have killed you. But there was none of that. 

Instead he gave you a small smile, looking down at you. “Your breath stinks of apple and your tongue is so green.” 

You weren’t expecting that. It caught you off guard and just like that, the moment was over. Ruined maybe, but you wouldn’t let yourself think like that. You didn’t want to think about how Seokjin’s voice sounded all soft and gentle. Like something you’d never heard before, not even when he used to be between your legs similar to this, but naked and sweaty. Sure, you’d heard his voice needy and low many a time, but never like this. This was something else. He was cautious but couldn’t help himself. He was nervous but wanted to hide it. 

You listened. “Yours does too.” You whined, your voice now sounding alien as you twisted your head, trying to get away from the sour apple but in the process getting away from him. Nothing personal, you were just afraid you were going crazy. 

Still caged under him, his hands still around your hips, you were still hyperaware of his touch and the air was almost a little suffocating, even if you were just imagining it. Your idea proved futile anyway, because you could feel his breath against your neck now, and that was way, way worse. Until maybe he suddenly realised how questionable this position looked, or maybe it really was no big deal, and he moved away naturally, the warmth of his palms leaving your body as he slipped to the side of you, lifting his feet from the floor to slide his legs under him to sit down. 

You stretched your legs out, now welcoming the ache because it distracted you. You also welcomed the cool air because your skin felt hot and itchy. You tried to read Seokjin’s face for anything that told you he was feeling the same way. His cheeks were a little flushed and just peeking out from under the collar of his t-shirt was an equally red patch. For the first time in a long time, probably since you’d embarked on this serious friendship mission, you felt a little awkward in his presence, and that made you feel guilty. You were the problem. Nothing had happened just now, it was all in your head, and he could probably feel how awkward you were being. You clenched your jaw, making a decision right then and there. Everything was normal. 

“Yeah, think abs aren’t for me,” you said as casually as you could muster lying about half a metre down your bed as Seokjin sat next to you. “I much prefer my rolls.” 

It seemed to work. He looked semi relieved you were making conversation and laughed. “You don’t have rolls, shut the fuck up.” 

“I do!” You insisted, wide eyed.  “Look!” You reached a hand under your shirt to squeeze the skin, flashing him your stomach, which now, in hindsight, seemed like a bad idea. 

Although you were probably looking into it too much because he gave it one fleeting glance and rolled his eyes. “You really don’t.” There, that told you. You pulled a face as you smoothed your t-shirt back down. 

“I can’t believe you’re quitting after not even two weeks. At least stick it out for the month you paid for.” 

You groaned, knowing he was right but not wanting to listen. You were done with the gym. All it did was hurt and mess with your mind. If you hadn’t seen Seokjin working out these past few days you wouldn’t be in this predicament right now. Another one of your bright ideas that turned out to be dumb. Really dumb. “I’m tired.” 

He chuckled under his breath. “I’ll go. Leave you to sleep.” 

He’d misunderstood. You weren’t tired in that sense. You mean, you had been not ten minutes ago, but now you were still high on the rush of that internal panic. No, you were tired of thinking. Everything had been fine a couple of weeks ago. You were over your break up with Yoongi, finally at peace with everything that had gone on. Life was good, college, work, friends, and then Lina had to open her big mouth and now you were back to almost square one. Your brain wouldn’t switch off. You couldn’t really tell Seokjin that though. Sorry, no, I meant tired of overthinking every little second that me and you share. I’m tired of maybe, potentially questioning this friendship for no good reason. Sorry to make it awkward… It didn’t sound good, did it? 

“You don’t have to go. Stay.” Fuck. The words were out before you could stop them. Like your mind was working without you. “It’s late now. I don’t want you to walk home in the dark.” 

He shot you a look that told you he thought you’d lost it. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. Plus, your couch is so uncomfy. I can’t do it a second time.” 

“You can sleep here.” That damn mouth of yours. “In my bed.” You were making it worse each time you opened it. Why were you inviting him into your bed?! 

Sure, it could be taken as innocent, probably would any other day, but the look in his eyes as he stared at you, definitely trying to read your expression, find something in your tone, told you he was slowly picking up on something here. Your awkwardness again. 

“Top to tail?” He finally asked, and you nodded quickly. Probably too quickly. 

“If you want.” 

He narrowed his eyes. You got nervous. “You’re a little drunk. I can tell.” 

“Am not.” You shook your head. Maybe the damn drink had made you sleepy earlier, but you definitely weren’t drunk. You wish. Although… this could potentially be a blessing in disguise. Could explain your weird behaviour. You’d be the girl who got drunk off a handful of sips of alcohol if it meant having a free pass. 

“Are to,” he insisted, but something told you he was also pretending. It made it easier to say no to you. “I can’t accept your offer. You might live to regret waking up to my feet in your face.” 

“I don’t think I will.” You didn’t regret a thing where he was concerned. That thought seemed to glow in the forefront of your mind suddenly. 

“Better to be on the safe side.” 

You scoffed, but deep down you couldn’t help but feel a little dejected. Which was stupid because did you really want Seokjin to sleep in your bed? What would happen if he did? Did you want something to happen? You fleeted back to how nice it had been to fall asleep on his shoulder earlier, fleeted back to his lingering touch on your body when he’d tripped… That intimacy, if you could call it that, that familiarity was still itching at your skin, and you could quite honestly say right now, that if Seokjin ended up sharing your bed tonight, you didn’t know what would happen. 

Not that he wanted to sleep next to you. That much was obvious. He was looking for a way to decline and the idea of you being drunk was a little farfetched but successful. Seokjin didn’t want you like that anymore, and that was okay. You were friends and you were happy with that. You liked it and you didn’t want to ruin things, because sometimes you had a tendency to ruin everything. Or at least it seemed like you did… 

You watched him shuffle off your bed, you lifting your legs up so his feet could hit the floor. “I’ll text you when I get home. Just to let you know.” He teased, lips attempting to quash his amused smile. 

“Seokjin, wait,” you called, sitting up too to grab him by the wrist as he moved to stand up. He turned back, waiting – and you swear this – almost hopefully. The moment was back, if just for a millisecond. He was waiting for you to say something, but not out of manners, out of hope. He was hoping you’d say something. Just what? 

Did he want you to persuade him to stay, to beg him? If you knew he wanted that, you’d give it to him. You always could persuade him well… And if he wanted to spend the night, how was up to him. You wouldn’t think of the consequences, of the the damage it could cause between you two. You’d just act in the moment, because if truth be told, your skin was still hot, still itchy, tingling now, with the sudden wonder, and there was an urge in your gut you hadn’t felt for a long time…

However, you didn’t say anything, or do anything. You couldn’t. Not when you were so unsure about his intentions, your intentions. You swallowed and smiled, letting go of his wrist to point towards your wicker chair. “Can you pass me my pyjamas?” 

And that was that. The moment was over again. “Sure.” Seokjin smirked back, the smallest of laughs leaving him as he rose and grabbed them, handing them too you quickly. If he was disappointed, he hid it well. 

Not long after, he was gone, the click of the apartment door ringing in your ears. The silence didn’t really bring you clarity. 

.

.

“Don’t be moody.” You told Seokjin, fighting back your laughter. You could still make out his pout in the darkness of your apartment. “Ikea furniture gets to the best of us. No need to sulk.” 

“I’m not being moody,” he insisted but the tension in his voice told you otherwise. “The bed is fucking stupid!” You finally let yourself giggle, unable to stop as you sat up in your makeshift bed—a mattress on the floor because the frame laid discarded against the wall, screws and bolts strewn across the floor. 

You could see Seokjin’s look of disbelief even in the dim glow of the street lamps outside. He shut you up with his mouth. You weren’t expecting that, but let it happen anyway. Letting him push you onto your back again and clamber over your body. You continued to laugh between each glide of his mouth though, hands running down his back. 

He pulled away, whining lowly. “Why are you still laughing?” 

“It’s just funny.” You upturned your shoulders. “You trying to act all cool and collected when you’re mad as hell.” You’d never seen Seokjin angry or frustrated before so this was all very brand new and amusing to you. 

He glared at you. “I’ll give you funny.” Your hips rolled obediently when you felt his hand slip inside your underwear, reattaching his mouth to yours. “—and mad,” he grunted into your mouth. 

“Okay,” you replied easily, clutching onto him as his finger rubbed at your entrance before pushing carefully inside. After all, that’s what he’d been here for. He’d come over to build your bed and “christen” it as he’d so lovely put it. You’d only just moved in to your own place and you were beyond ecstatic to have your own space, and so was Jin, because, and this was in his own words, “Great, a new place to fuck.” 

You guessed the details didn’t matter, he was still christening your new bed. The mattress was the most important part. Who cared if Seokjin couldn’t follow a simple set of instructions. You weren’t judging him…honest… Besides, the sex like this was amazing. He had a lot of pent up frustration to get rid of and you gladly took it. 

“We’re not making a sound,” he groaned, your legs wrapped around his waist as he kneeled and fucked into you hard and fast. Your shorts were hanging off one ankle, his t-shirt stretched at the neck where you’d tugged it out of shape. “Who knew n-no bedframe was the answer to quiet sex.” You moaned loudly in response, unable to give him anything else.

“Still making you moan though,” he almost menaced, reaching for your ankles to push your legs forward, dick slipping deeper, about to penetrate your gut and kill you if he wasn’t careful. The noises that left you sounded crazed. He cocked an eyebrow, still as smug as ever despite the slack jaw and heavy breathing. “What will your neighbours think?” 

“I’m going to kill you,” you attempted to seethe, nearly biting down on your bottom lip. As if you wanted to be known to your new neighbours as the girl who had sex loudly. 

He just laughed, hands on your hips now as he began to jerk you. “Flip over,” he grunted, slipping out of you as he successfully rolled you onto your front. You spread your legs, desperate to have his dick inside you immediately, and when he pushed inside you moaned low, muffling it as best you could with your pillow.

He soon picked up his pace once more, merciless now, and you tried so fucking hard not to cry out, your moans lodging in your throat, body tense as you tried to control every nerve in your body. It was all slick noises and the thud of his hips hitting your ass and finally his frustration began to leave his body. “Stupid—fucking—ikea—bed,” he growled, thrusting harder into you after every word. 

God. That was it. “S-seokjin,” you almost begged. He was just so deep and hard. You could feel him everywhere, just getting wetter with each grunt that pushed its way from your throat. “You’re gonna make me cum–d-don’t stop.” 

“Am I making you feel good?” He demanded, fingers digging into your ass with the effort of keeping up. He was terribly out of breath now, his only motivation was to make you cum. He couldn’t slow down, not when you were so close. 

“So good,” you said through held breath. You were pushed so flat to the mattress your clit was getting its fair share too, and you closed your eyes tight, seeing stars as you let yourself jump over the edge. “So, so, so good.” 

You came hard. Like so hard your ass twitched. He liked that. His sweaty hands digging into the flesh as he caressed you, thrusts ceasing because he couldn’t take the nonstop pulsing around his cock. He pulled out shortly after, one hand jerking himself off while the other slapped down on your flesh. “Wanna cum on that perfect little ass of yours.” 

You moaned, raising yourself up a little to tease him and it wasn’t long before you felt the warm droplets of his cum dirty your flesh. “Fuck,” he grunted, needing a moment to come to before you heard him shuffle about. And then a whine. “You don’t have anything to clean up with.” 

Well, no. You wouldn’t. This was your first night here. If you didn’t have a bed, you didn’t have tissues on a nightstand. “Not the instruction manual,” you warned when you heard the familiar sounds of paper rustling. “My dad has to come over tomorrow and fix your mess.” 

“Oi.” He whined, but listened, throwing the manual back on the floor. You rolled your eyes when you felt him rub his cum into your skin with the head of his dick. He was just making more mess now, that wasn’t going to clean you up. He realised soon enough and stood up quickly. “I’ll be right back.” 

You let your body relax as he went to the bathroom after some toilet paper, comfy and still vibrating a little from the bliss of your orgasm. Your bare ass was getting a little cold though. Thankfully Seokjin wasn’t too long and he wiped up the mess he’d made pretty quickly. When you finally rolled over to see him walking back from your trash can, you couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of him naked from the waist down. 

“Why are you laughing at me now?” He pouted, sounding genuinely paranoid. That bed frame had really fucked with his head. 

“Sorry,” you apologised, trying to compose yourself. “You’re just…naked. It looks funny.” 

He frowned, still suspicious. “You’ve seen me naked hundreds of times.” Nevertheless, he still stretched his t-shirt down over his crotch, hiding his modesty as he crawled back to you. 

“Yeah, but it was just…SWINGING there,” you giggled, starting up again. 

“Well, yeah, that’s what dicks do.” He almost grumbled. If you didn’t know any better you’d say he was embarrassed. You went to whisper another sorry but then he wrapped his arms around you, squeezing your back (maybe a bit too) tightly to his chest. You stretched your arm behind him to pinch his butt. “Stop!” He warned, but you could feel his grin against your neck as he kissed you. 

You closed your eyes, smiling to yourself. You were so cosy and warm now, happy and sated. You could really fall asleep like this. Seokjin’s arms around you, his breath against your skin. The feeling in our chest was hard to explain. At the tip of your tongue, yet never coming. Annoyingly he moved away to fall onto his back as soon as you were trying to place the emotion and you snapped your eyes open having lost it all together. You grabbed your phone on the floor next to you to check the time. It was 1am. Seokjin really had been here trying to make the bed for nearly 3 hours before he’d given up. You should have just asked your father over in the first place… But you couldn’t tell Jin that, couldn’t bear to hurt his feelings. Bless. 

“We should make the most of the next few hours…” You suggested casually. His groan told you he didn’t agree. He was tried and half asleep. Too tired to start his usual spiel about his dick falling off because you made him fuck you too often. “I knew a guy who ended up in hospital once because he fucked his girlfriend 14 times in a weekend.” Seemed unbelievable. Both ending up in hospital, and having sex over a dozen times in a 48 hour period, but whatever. Seokjin was talking bullshit like usual, because even though he moaned and groaned, he was always the first to initiate the fucking. Example: tonight. You just liked to plant the seed. Example: right now… 

“It was fun.” You whined. “I think I should just say fuck it to the bed and sleep on this groan proof mattress.” 

“Hm. I don’t know. The springs will give out soon enough, and how would you explain it to your parents?” He replied. That was true. Your parents didn’t even know Seokjin existed. Which meant that you had to take the fall for this tomfoolery tonight. Pretend you spent hours trying to screw some planks of wood together… You loved looking like an idiot. But you digressed… 

“But I can still smash up the bed frame for you?” He added, sounding hopeful. Finally admitting his anger. “Fucking piece of shit.” 

.

.

Sleep didn’t give you clarity either. You woke up with a hazy mind, unsure if you were dreaming the memory or just playing it out in your head again as you slowly came to. Half awake, half dreaming. It was almost fitting that you remembered back to that night, like your subconscious was messing with you. If you let your mind wonder more, you were certain it was your favourite memory with Seokjin. You didn’t know why. It was really nothing special. By then you’d had sex too many times to count. They should’ve ended up blurring into one, but there were a handful that stood out. This one more than the rest. Something about the way he’d wanted to help you, even if it was a total fail. You remembered thinking somewhere in the back of your mind, while he was fucking you into your poor mattress, It’s not just sex to him. Ironic, but true. That night should’ve shown you how kind Seokjin could be. Or how kind he was. He didn’t choose as and when to be considerate, the opportunity had just never really presented itself before. You’d never needed a bed building before… 

Ugh. You were a mess. You’d truly thought a good nights sleep would do you good, but no, your mind was still restless and your body ached even more from the night before. You shouldn’t be thinking of the past. Not when things were so good right now, so different. Your friendship with Seokjin worked, it made you happy, but on the outside looking in, was it considered normal? You didn’t think so. Don’t get you wrong, many girls had male friends. You had a couple you spoke to regularly and sometimes hung out with, but that was always in groups. You didn’t have one who you messaged every single day and hung out with alone. You didn’t have one like that until you met Seokjin. Before that, the guy you’d just described had been Yoongi. Perhaps that description better defined a relationship? Texting good morning, going to the mall together, other places, could be the gym, binge watching Netflix… That could be defined as a boyfriend… It was a stereotype, a stupid one, but it made sense. Especially for Seokjin and you who had a history. Come on, past fuck buddies turned best friends forever? It didn’t seem very believable… Maybe you’d been kidding yourself all this time…

Or maybe you hadn’t. Regardless of finer, often ignored, details, the bare foundations of your “relationship” had been about sex. This time was different. You could enjoy one another’s company without the sex, and it felt good. It felt more than good. Last night, your legs on his lap, and then your head on his shoulder, it was a comfort you didn’t know you’d been searching for. It’s what clouded your mind, made you all confused when you’d suggested he stay the night…in your bed. 

That platonic intimacy was all well and good but you couldn’t let it ruin what you had with Seokjin at the moment. Like you said, it worked for not only you, but obviously him too. You’d crossed the line last night and embarrassingly you probably knew the reason why. It was simple really and even more simple to just deal with as you reached for your bedside drawer and pulled out something discreet and pink… There was no better way to clear a frazzled brain than a good orgasm. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d powered up your vibrator. Classes were full, work was tiring, you were busy… It made sense. To blame it on sexual frustration. Seokjin was still as handsome as ever and watching him work out in the gym would fuck with the strongest mind. 

Yes, an orgasm a day kept those thirsty thoughts away… Facts. That’s what you told yourself, and that’s what you believed. 

Seokjin  Marathon tonight?  We can easily get through six episodes 

You  🤙😜 bring chips

Seokjin  Pls stop using emojis  You text like my mom 🙇🏻‍♂️

Not a week later and somehow you and Seokjin had found yourself down a deep and dark Vampire Diaries hole… Shockingly he seemed more into it that you, which amused you to no end. Thankfully you hadn’t sent him running for the hills after your stunt that night after the gym. Maybe he put it down to you being totally disoriented due to the pain of your aching muscles. Maybe he did truly think you were drunk off half a glass of toxic waste. Or maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t noticed anything and you were just being paranoid, deluded, stupid… The list was endless. 

It helped you, consoled your worries because you didn’t have to try your hardest to act normal around him if nothing really happened. Things were normal, like you’d never asked him to spend the night in your bed. You didn’t ask him again and Seokjin made sure to ride his car to your place after that. Maybe there was nothing behind it, but yeah, now you didn’t really have a reason to ask him to stay… Even though sometimes you wanted him too, and not even like that. You just wanted to spend every waking moment with him. It was pretty frightening because you didn’t know what it meant… 

Your vibrator was doing its job to curb those pesky sexual urges of yours but there was nothing really on the market to curb those weird…needy urges of yours. Needy for some affection and warmth that Seokjin seemed to radiate. Your bodies sat closer together each night you hung out. Your legs seemed to find their way onto his lap when you wanted to stretch out and your head found his shoulder every single time you nodded off to sleep… It was like you were magnetised together, or not… It was more so that it came natural to you two. Natural after all these weeks of being back in one another’s lives, and natural after the history you had together… 

You told yourself it was okay, because your need for him wasn’t that raw, sexual type from before. No, it was something else. Something you couldn’t put your finger on. Not that you tried. It was better to not know. What you couldn’t understand couldn’t ruin everything, and you and Seokjin were fine like this. It was easy to ignore if you got to hang out with him like this regularly. If you got to joke with him and talk with him and touch him… It was easy to ignore when you had everything right in front of your eyes. Blissfully ignorant to the warmth in your chest every time you saw him. Blissfully ignorant to the pounding of your heart every time you felt his fingertips on your skin. You guessed your mind was helping your heart not get fucked over again. Or maybe you were just plain dumb… 

.

.

“I think I’m all vampire love angst-ed out for tonight,” Seokjin yawned, letting his head fall back on your couch. 

You agreed. Binging a series was all well and good but soon enough you lost concentration. “I can find something else?” You suggested, getting ready to scroll through the homepage as you moved your legs from his lap to curl them under you. 

Immediately he reached for one of your feet, massaging it absentmindedly. Maybe past you would have teased him for having a secret foot fetish but you didn’t dare to ruin it tonight. You were positive he didn’t even realise he was doing it which made it feel even better. It was such a natural, affectionate thing and you didn’t want to point it out in case he stopped. There you went again… New label: affection whore. 

“I don’t think I can concentrate on anything else,” he chuckled groggily. “We ploughed through seven episodes. It’s nearly 2am.” 

“Mhm.” You agreed, letting your head fall back too. You both looked over at one another. His hair was getting longer again, falling in his eyes. “I’m not tired though.” 

He smiled. “You aren’t?” Smiled harder when you shook your head adamantly. Sleep meant Seokjin would go home, and these days you didn’t want that at all. “Want me to stay for a little longer then?” 

You tried to play it cool, lifting your head straight as you nodded at his gentle voiced suggestion. “If you want.” Inside you were ecstatic. 

He sat up straight too, pulling his phone from his pocket. “Yeah, I can do it. Don’t have class until 3.” You felt guilty. Maybe he didn’t even want to stay any longer, but now his hand was wrapped around the top of your knee, his body leaning into you and it felt so good you stopped worrying. “Aw. How cute.” He cooed, and it took you a moment to understand what he was on about, looking in the direction of his cellphone. 

“Why are you scrolling through my IG?!”  You exclaimed immediately, seeing a picture of eight-year-old you on the screen when #tbt was still a thing… Was it still a thing…?

“It’s funny,” he shrugged. 

“It’s embarrassing.” 

You had to watch him scroll through your entire feed, picking on random pictures to laugh at. For some reason you found yourself a little nervous. No need to be, there was nothing incriminating on there. In fact, you never really used the app, didn’t have many photos on there. Especially now that you’d already deleted a handful that contained Yoongi. You’d taken the plunge to delete the memories a while back, feeling more positive about it. They were only pictures. 

“What is this?” Seokjin laughed, tilting the screen your way. 

He was greatly amused by your silly display in the image, Yumi pretending to strangle you with her own hair in some stranger’s grubby kitchen. “Oh god.” You groaned. For two reasons. 1. The face you were pulling was really embarrassing, and 2. That was the night that changed everything. Because of that night, you were here right now. “That’s the night me and you first…y’know…” You didn’t know why you were telling him that. He had no clue, and it was best not to rake up the past, but for some reason it felt like you needed to say it. 

“Really?” He asked, eyes widening as the shock formed on his face. He flipped the screen his way again, looking over the picture with a small smile. 

He looked almost wistful. It made something in your stomach tighten. You needed to ignore it, forcing your voice to sound offended when you spoke next. “You can’t remember what I was wearing?!” 

His eyes widened yet again, his mouth downturning comically. For some reason he’d missed your sarcasm. “How the hell am I supposed to remember that?” 

“Just teasing,” you giggled, giving him a nudge with your elbow. He relaxed, shaking his head to himself, and you stayed there, nestled by his side. 

“Damn.” He mused. “That seems like a life time ago now but it’s not really.” 

You nodded, wholeheartedly agreeing. “Nearly a year.” It had seemed a long time ago once upon a time, now, not at all. So much had happened between then and now, but then, not really… After all, you were still here with him. Just differently now. 

Silence seemed to blanket over you, as if you were both mulling the past over. A part of you was itching to know what he was thinking – if he was at all, but another part of you began to get a little uncomfortable at the unspoken. It was like that lately. As if you wanted him to tell you something. Did he want to tell you something? Or was it all in your head? Sometimes you wanted to tell him things… You just didn’t know what. It was like your brain wouldn’t let you make sense of how your heart was feeling. So like usual, you changed the direction of the conversation. 

“Oh. Wait! I have this app you can download if you’re bored.” He looked down at you as if you were mad. As if he could never be bored in your company, or maybe that was you wishful thinking. You shook yourself out of the deluded funk you were under and held out your hand. “Pass.” He dropped his phone in it obediently and you grabbed at his fingers, using his thumb to unlock it. They seemed to stick together for longer than needed before you spoke again and let him slide his hand away. “You know your birth info, right?” 

He groaned quietly, head falling back as he eyed you, surprisingly knowing immediately where this was going. “Astrology.” 

“Come on, it’s fun,” you insisted, opening the app store up to begin typing. “You make an account and add your friends. It tells you how compatible you are with them.” 

He watched you as if you’d lost it. His voice matched. “You know things like that aren’t really true, right? The stars don’t control our personality traits. Life and choices do.” 

You rolled your eyes. “That’s such a Sag thing to say.” 

That seemed to make him change his tune. He sounded positively offended when he spoke next. “Excuse me. Don’t use my Sagittarius status against me.” 

“If you’re so proud of it, you believe in it.” 

It was his turn to roll his eyes, scoffing. “I don’t even know what it means. Please enlighten me, oh holy one.” 

That silenced you. To be honest you didn’t know much about astrology either. You were a simple human that got excited over even simpler things. Having to listen to Lina blabber on and on about natal charts and houses and planets, and whatever else there was, while you just liked finding out if you were compatible with people… It wasn’t that serious. “I don’t know,” you mumbled lamely, much to Seokjin’s glee. He looked so smug he’d shut you up, you felt the urge to do the same to him pretty much jump out of you.  

“Apparently Sags are free spirited. Don’t really do commitment. Figures.” 

Those were honestly some of the most generic things you could have chosen, bound to get you beat by your own best friend, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, and it seemed to do the trick regarding Seokjin anyway. Or, surprisingly, it worked a little too well. He sounded genuinely taken back. “Wow. Okay, that is a harmful stereotype. I can do commitment.” 

Pretty sure he was joking, but also the last statement making you a little confused, if not just by the way his voice turned all high pitched, you continued to tease him. “Okay, Kim Seokjin who has never had a girlfriend in his life.” 

He looked a little speechless at that, expression frozen as his mouth hung open. “That means nothing. So what if I’ve never been in a relationship before, I’m still a faithful person.” 

You eyed him sceptically, semi aware you were pretty much bickering now. Bickering about astrology. Well, you’d wanted a diversion… “But you have nothing to base it on.” Committedly staying faithful to a fuck buddy wasn’t exactly the type of commitment you were on about, and even then, he hadn’t technically done that… Fuck. You thought of Sohee instantly. It was stupid, you’d already been through all that and it really was no big deal, but it still seemed to pop up in your mind. You said nothing of what you thought though, thankfully, and Seokjin was shaking his head to himself, not listening anymore anyway. “Astrology is bullshit. I’m sticking with it.” 

You welcomed the break in conversation direction, but seemed to steer it in an even awkwarder one, because well, you were you. “Not all the time. Lina made a fake account for Yoongi and we really didn’t match well on most things.” 

He sniggered. If a noise could both sound amused and condescending in one go, it was that one. “You really need astrology to tell you that?”

That silenced you. Maybe it was his tone, or maybe just what he said, but it made you feel a little stupid. Like possibly Yoongi and you had never really been right for one another and you’d just been deluded the whole time you’d dated. But also, what, Seokjin thought that the whole time too? He just watched you up and leave and attempt to have a relationship with Yoongi? Was he laughing behind your back this entire time? 

“Okay. What do I need to do?” 

Or maybe you were just too sensitive. There was no malice in his words, and there was no need to get so uptight about everything. He was smiling your way as he took his phone back and waited for your reply. He was going to use the damn app like you’d wanted him to.  

You grinned triumphantly, happy he was complying finally, and shuffled back closer to him. Apparently the slight squabble had created some unnoticed distance. “Birthday. Place of birth. Oh,” you suddenly remembered. “Birth time… Do you know it?” 

He looked at you through his bangs. “No. It’s not like I was mentally aware at barely minutes old.” 

His sarcasm annoyed you and narrowing your eyes you pushed at his shoulder. “Ask your mom.” 

“I am not going to get a reply at 2 in the morning.” 

Oh. That was right… It was late. You’d forgotten. With Seokjin time seemed to pass you by alarmingly fast. You swore your bedtime used to be at a reasonable hour before this friendship happened. 

“Don’t worry,” he chuckled, mistaking your expression. “I think I have an idea. It might be wrong though. What if one mistake tells us we’re mortal enemies?” You whacked his shoulder again and he hunched them, protecting himself as he typed in his info. “Okay, now what?” He asked when he was done and the screen loaded. 

“That’s your natal chart.” 

“I don’t know what that means.” 

You ignored him in favour of snatching his phone to scroll through. Once again pretty much clueless to it all but able to find remarks anyway. “Ouch. Aries moon.” 

“What’s that face for?” He practically worried, noticing your grimace. 

You shrugged. “Not really a fan of Aries.” 

“Hey.” 

“You can’t be offended. You don’t believe, remember?” You shot playfully. 

“Hmm,” he grumbled. “Doesn’t seem you like Sagittarius either…” God. Was he really upset over this? You fought the urge to call him cute. He probably wouldn’t appreciate it. Either that or wouldn’t let you live it down. “What do I do now? How can I find out if we’re compatible or not?” 

“Add me.” You did just that for him, searching your username before passing his phone back to him and grabbing your own to accept his request. That’s when you got distracted, scrolling through your account instead to read your long-awaited compatibility. Seokjin’s phone held forgotten in his hand as he waited for your reactions. “Oh,” was all you gave him. 

“What? Huh?” He sounded worried again. It wasn’t like it was a bad oh. Far from it in fact. But it was more of a shocked oh. This was much better than you’d had with anyone else. Much better than Lina. Much, much, much better than Yoongi… It wasn’t like you hadn’t been expecting it, but really it was just astrology… You know you’d fought Seokjin on the matter not ten minutes previous, but he did have a point… It wasn’t that serious… So why were you so happy right now? You were ecstatic over a damn astrology app because it told you that you got along well… Lame. 

“Lemme see,” he whined, totally discarding his phone to grab yours instead. You let him, still a little lost in your own head, buzzing over nothing, and he scrolled dumbly. “We have a lot of smiley faces, is that good?” 

There was a beat of silence, having to force yourself to make normal conversation again. “Yeah,” you smiled, leaning in to point at the screen. “We only have one conflicting aspect. Philosophies in life. That’s fine.” Seokjin seemed impressed, only you knew he secretly wasn’t having an internal breakdown over it like you. Your insides felt funny. No matter what you guys did, something always seemed to trigger your body into acting weird. Maybe astrological compatibility was a bad move. You were dumb. 

“Sex and aggression? What?” He muttered to himself, reading the headings of each section in bemusement. The next thing you knew, he was grinning smugly at you. You waited in confusion. “Hello. It’s telling me our sexual chemistry is off the charts.” 

“It is not,” you insisted, astonished he’d even say that out loud to you. Yes, there were times you skirted around your hook ups – the gym leggings always came to mind, when he basically admitted he’d checked out your ass – but as an unspoken rule, you didn’t speak about your past. Hell, you didn’t even speak much about sex in general. It wasn’t awkward, it seemed to work well, but now… Well, you’d done this to yourself, hadn’t you? Stupid fucking app… 

Seokjin cocked an eyebrow. “What it wasn’t off the charts?” You went to reply no, that wasn’t what you meant, but stopped yourself. That would just make things worse, and by the look of the smirk on his face he wasn’t done teasing you anyway. He wiped it away and regarded you seriously. “Please don’t tell me you were faking it the whole time.” 

“Eww,” you couldn’t help but exclaim, dragging the syllable out. Ahhh. You couldn’t believe this was happening. You could already feel your cheeks burning. The natural reaction to anything to do with sex and Seokjin these days. He picked up on it straight away. 

“Don’t go red,” he grinned. “I know I was the best fuck you ever had. This app basically confirms it.” 

“Oh, my god.” That’s all you could manage. Safe for wanting the ground to open up and swallow you and the couch, it’s all you could do. Those words had actually left his mouth, and now you were fucked. You’d be thinking about them for a long time. You shouldn’t be thinking of things like that when it came to friends. You tried to take a few hidden slow breaths, attempting to cool the scorching of your cheeks and sound normal when you spoke again. “Do you always have to speak about sex?” 

Teasing on teasing, it was the best way to go. Just ignore everything else, like the reality of the situation and hide. 

He answered, that shit eating grin still on his face. “Lies. I haven’t spoken about sex with you since we became friends.” Why did he say it like that, like he had it in quotations? You’d fucked up with this one, you should’ve just stuck to watching Vampire Diaries. 

“You get all uptight and red. Look like you’re going to explode,” he continued, nudging you with his shoulder. You shook your head, refusing to look at his face now. “Like now,” he laughed. You’d proved his point beautifully, because yes, your head was about 0.5 seconds away from blowing right off your shoulders from pure panic and awkwardness. However, not only that, but you also had the awful sinking feeling you get when you knew you couldn’t hide from something anymore. It wasn’t really him you were hiding from, but yourself… 

“What changed? You never used to get this embarrassed when I was—

“Stop right there,” you warned, jerking your head up to point at him, positive you’d keel over if he finished his sentence. That, or jump him. Your face was hot, yes, but so was your body. Between your legs was beginning to get that familiar glow. You couldn’t help it. The air had seemed to turn hot, stuffy, and despite your awkwardness over the conversation you were still very much sat tight to him, body curled in his direction. There was the whole of the couch but you two were crammed in one seat – like you had been all night. 

“Okay,” he surrendered, hands up, resting his head against the cushions again, before a little smirk spread its way across his face. “This app just obviously knows what it’s talking about.” 

You groaned instantly, defeated, turning to press your forehead into the back of the couch too.  “I can’t with you.” You couldn’t do this. Make eye contact, have a conversation that was tiptoeing around edges you didn’t want to acknowledge. You were flustered, awkward, and something told you Seokjin was loving it. He loved having this effect on you. 

“Really? Then tell me why you had sex with me way over a hundred times?” 

“YOU KEPT COUNT?!” That did it. You were so momentarily shocked, head bursting up to stare at him, the awkwardness was gone, distracted away. 

“No,” he replied, smiling almost sheepishly but still sounding unfazed. “It’s a guesstimate.” 

“A guesstimate?” You repeated, unable to stop yourself from laughing. He liked that, laughing too as he poked your knees with his fingers absentmindedly. “Seokjin, do you keep a little black book? A tally chart?” You teased, voice low. 

“No,” he insisted. “I’m just saying, we were hooking up for over four months. Now, not that we had sex every single day of those four months, because we didn’t. My dick would’ve fallen off, but there were times when you wanted me to fuck you multiple times in one night—”

You couldn’t help but interrupt him, scoffing in disbelief. “I wanted you to? More like you wanted to.” This was dangerous territory. You were enjoying yourself a little too much, forgetting yourself… Forgetting what you were so worried about. 

He stared at you, sarcasm loud and clear. “Okay. Keep believing that.” He pulled his hand up to scratch at his forehead and it took you a moment to realise at some point you’d latched onto it. “But anyway.” He continued, “say there’s 30 days in one month. Multiply that by four and you get 120. I’m actually being very lenient. We definitely fucked more than a hundred times.” 

“Oh my fucking god, you’re such a nerd,” you groaned. Your face still felt hot but the embarrassment had gone for the most part. No, it was something else… He was still a nerd though. An inaccurate nerd, but one nonetheless. 

“It’s simple math.” He shrugged, seemingly unbothered as he went back to scrolling through the phone to continue reading. You watched him, hoping he couldn’t hear how loud your heart was beating in your chest. The adrenaline was pumping through your veins scarily fast. For what? 

“Our way of loving is very compatible,” he nodded to himself, sounding like some sort of professor making sense of his findings.

You whined. “Quit concentrating on the sex.” Did he want you to start remembering back? That wasn’t a good idea, nor was it a good idea for the batteries in your vibrator. The thought almost made you cringe. You were twisted. Sick and twisted. Hope Seokjin was happy with himself. 

“I’m not! It keeps coming up!” He enraged, huffing softly to himself as he began to read again. You smiled. “Okay. How about this?” Obviously he’d been searching for something else. Something more substantial. “The way we grow and dream are aligned. That’s deep.” 

You smiled harder. “I thought you didn’t believe in astrology.” 

He upturned a shoulder. “I don’t. It’s just funny how they know our hook ups were pretty amazing.” 

“Seokjin!” You hit his chest. This wasn’t fair. 

“You’ve turned red again.” 

“No wonder.” However, it wasn’t due to any type of mortification like he probably thought. You were just very…uncomfortable, if that made sense. There was no longer a glow between your legs, but a burn. “Stop. What is with you tonight?” You whined. “You’re tired. You’re talking without a filter.” 

It probably wasn’t that. Usually careful, like you’d said, tonight was different. Very different. Similar to how you used to act when you were having sex with one another. What had gotten into him, and why did it feel like you were getting your hopes up? You were slightly nervous. Slightly scared. Slightly excited. Hopeful...  

“Nah.” He shook his head casually. “The app is just inflating my ego.” 

That was it. You threw your hands at him again, pushing at his chest in a bid to shut him up once and for all. He couldn’t just tease you and get away with it. It was grossly unfair. You were sensitive. Somewhere was sensitive to this kind of behaviour. Always had been. 

“Stop hitting me,” he yelled, indignant and dramatic, making you laugh. 

He grabbed a hold of your hands, stopping you from doing anymore damage to his precious body, but when you fought back he pushed you down, squashing you into the arm of the couch. Defenceless and at his mercy as he began tickling under your arms. You stammered his name, unable to do much else between the gasps of breath and high-pitched giggling, but he didn’t relent, leaning into you as he laughed along, sofa beginning to squeak under the avid movement, ticking whatever he could reach now. 

“J-Jin, stop—STOP,” you managed to finally shriek, trying your best to wriggle away from him. You stopped trying to fight his fingers in favour of going for something more sensitive. His nipples. In your defence, you were being attacked. You pinched one of them, missing the other while roaring, “You know I’m ticklish!!” 

“Hey. Woah. W-woah,” he panicked, easing up immediately but still lightly tickling your sides. “Not the nipples. You’ll make them bleed.” 

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes. “You’re lucky I didn’t go for your dick.” 

“Lucky?” He eyed you. “I don’t know if I’d call it that.” 

Time seemed to freeze for a moment, his words ringing in your ears. There was really only one way you could take that, right? Dangerous territory back, however with the whole impromptu tickle fight, did it ever go away? This was just worse because he was basically on top of you. There was nowhere to escape – thoughts included. 

“You need to be stopped,” you warned, but there was a grin on your face as you spoke. The flirtation went both ways. You hoped he realised that, caught on. 

He pulled his hands back. It took you a moment to realise he’d stopped tickling you a while ago. “I can’t help it. I like hearing you laugh,” he said, smiling as he moved to sit properly again. He grabbed your hand to help you up too. You took it gladly, gripping it like you wanted him to know you didn’t want to let go. “I like seeing you happy.” He continued. God. What was he doing? You watched him tilt his head, looking you right in the eyes. “Do I make you happy?” 

You couldn’t fight your grin any longer, shaking your head a little in disbelief. It was both ways and he did realise. “I think you know the answer to that.” 

Your eyes locked for a moment, and you were almost begging him to just say something else, do something else, but the slight masochistic part of you loved the waiting, the unknown, the longing… It was like some sort of competition between the two of you. To see who could go the longest, tease the hardest, until one of you blew and gave in… Or maybe you were both just too nervous and scared and this was the only bit of relief you could get… Shameless flirting that got you embarrassingly flustered… 

Seokjin wasn’t going to burst tonight. He let go of your hand to pick up his phone, knowing you were still watching him as he smiled. “I’m sure some type of something will tell me that on this stupid app.” It took you a moment to catch what he was referring to. Words slipping through your mind and out of your ears as quickly as they sounded. Yes, that fucker made you happy and didn’t he know it. You stretched your legs out across his lap. 

“When’s the last time you went to a party?” 

You furrowed your eyebrows at his random question. Just like that your previous conversation was over, or just dormant until the next time it was brought up, which probably wouldn’t be a long wait. You shrugged. “Yonks ago. You know how much I hate them.” You wouldn’t say it out loud in fear of making the moment awkward, but the last two parties you’d attended weren’t very high up on your fond memories list… 

“Brian’s having one at his parents’ this weekend. They’re out of town. Come along.”

He sounded so casual you wouldn’t think he’d been practically on top of you tickling the life out of you not five minutes previous. Flirting with you shamelessly, basically insinuating he wanted you to touch his dick. Fuck. There it was. Thoughts slipping into your brain. You hoped he knew how infuriating he was sometimes. “I don’t know, I don’t know him that well,” was what you replied. You could do casual too. Even if your voice was slightly shaky. The tickling or something else, who knew… 

“He said I could ask you.” Seokjin shook your knee encouragingly, like he was softly urging you to say yes. “It’s not a big party, nothing too crazy. He said you can invite Lina too, her boyfriend.” He paused to shrug. “If you don’t want to come alone or with me.” 

You snickered. “I don’t want to cramp your style.” 

“I thought we both agreed I don’t have style.” 

That just made you laugh harder, pressing the pads of your fingers into the veins of his hand. He didn’t seem to mind. He really wanted you to come, huh? But you needed to hear him say it himself… “Do you want me to come?” 

He glanced at you, matter of fact as he replied. “I think you know the answer to that.” 

And just like that, not even two minutes later, you were back where you always ended up…

In circles. 

“Christ. I’m going to have to cut the sexual tension with a knife soon.” 

You turned to Lina, slumped and looking painfully held against her will on the couch next to you. You couldn’t tell if the party was shit or if it was something else, considering what she’d just commented. “What do you mean?” 

Her eyes widened, unable to believe you were actually that clueless. (You weren’t.) “You and him,” she paused to shoot a look over at Seokjin drinking in the doorway of Brian’s lounge. “You’ve been eyeballing one another all night.” She wasn’t bothering to whisper and you panicked, whacking her elbow. “He can’t hear us,” she exclaimed. She was correct. The music was so loud you bet there’d be a noise complaint soon enough. Brian lived in a nice part of town… 

It was so loud you managed to successfully evade her remarks. Not that she was really looking for an answer. If she was sensing tension, you were drowning in it… You were hoping it wasn’t that obvious... Maybe it was worse than you thought… These last few days had been a little weird. You’d finally managed to acknowledge that something was going on between Jin and you. It wasn’t just friendship, and you were nearly 100% certain he felt the same. You just didn’t know what it was you both felt, and you didn’t want to know just yet. There was plenty of time for that. Or so you thought. You’d made the decision to just wait and see how things naturally progressed, wanting to enjoy whatever the hell was happening between you two as it evolved. Only, it seemed to be evolving at a much faster pace than you’d expected. Tonight just proved that. 

You hadn’t seen him for near five days. Work and college were kicking both your asses, along with other friendship commitments, because apparently no one ever saw you anymore since Seokjin had arrived back on the scene… (Lina’s words.) You thought you’d be fine. You knew you were seeing him tonight, and you had been fine. Perfectly fine until you’d walked through Brian’s door and seen Seokjin in the kitchen knocking back a beer. Your first thought was how you’d been able to bear hanging around with him at such a close proximity when he was just so goddamn hot?! Dressed in all black, hair parted so that dangerous forehead of his was on show... You were made of steel. But not anymore… Your knees felt weak as he spotted you and raised his glass, winking playfully. That was Lina’s first groan of the night. By now you were twenty something deep and she’d totally gotten the message…

You wanted Seokjin. The thought had never been so clear. It wasn’t this clear when you were hooking up all those months ago and it wasn’t this clear when you were masturbating in your bed trying to fool yourself you were just sexually frustrated. It wasn’t even this clear four nights ago when you were lying in bed not an hour after the tickle attack coming up with the facts after Seokjin had left. 

The facts were you’d fallen for him. You didn’t know when, but it was obviously somewhere down the line of your new friendship. You didn’t even want to think when. It was all too confusing, and you had much better things to think about. Like how warm his hands were and how hard his body was. How cute his laugh sounded and how soft you remembered his lips to be… You couldn’t even think about what that all meant. For you, for him, for… Nevermind. You didn’t want to think tonight. That could come at a later date. You were sick of thinking. You just wanted to feel. 

You hadn’t felt like this in forever. You wondered if you’d ever felt like this? The excitement was similar to how it used to be months ago, when you and Seokjin were hooking up and you’d see one another at a party or out clubbing, but it had never been this intense. You felt giddy all night. It was pretty embarrassing, especially with Lina as your witness. But you couldn’t care, not when it seemed like Seokjin was feeling the same vibes. It was funny, like you were both playing a little game. You hadn’t even spoken in person all night, the stolen glances and little text messages seemed a better idea. Maybe there was some shyness involved too, or maybe Seokjin was still a little scared of Lina… Either way, you fooled around like that all night. You still kept rereading the first messages of the night in between smiles and now longing glances… You were actually taking another look when Lina had finally stated the apparent. 

 Seokjin  Hey : ) You look really pretty tonight  Not that you don’t always 

“Are you going to speak to him at all, or?” She prodded after a few more minutes, catching another smile your way. Seokjin noticed too and quickly looked away, probably afraid Lina would have his guts for garters if he stared long enough. 

You couldn’t help but giggle at him, replying at the same time. “He hasn’t come over.” Not that you were bothered. She knew that too. 

“Oh for fuck sake,” she groaned. “You’re enjoying this. I feel dirty. Like I’m watching in on something I shouldn’t.” 

You shrugged her off. She was miserable because Mr. Perfect Park Jimin couldn’t make it, too busy studying for a Monday morning test… You were surprised however, when she stood up to leave. “Friends my ass. I’m getting a drink.”

“Don’t be like that,” you whined. But also you were needy, you didn’t want to be alone in the middle of a party. 

She ignored you, leaning in to actually speak quieter this time. “Make a move or I’ll start hating him again.” You looked up at her with wide eyes, not quite believing your ears. Was this the voice of all reason? But maybe more importantly, was this Lina’s very own blessing? 

Her parting line before she flounced off left you sat there nonplussed. “Now I know why you care so much about my opinion on him.” 

You looked over at the doorway again. Seokjin was joking around with Hoseok and you took the time to really study him. Had the sight of just his face always made you this breathless? The way his cheeks rounded when he smiled, the ways his eyes crinkled… Even his ears were cute. Since when had his mere existence turned your life upside down and why were you only now realising it? 

It was like you were seeing clearly for the first time. Kinda like putting on your glasses in the morning and everything comes into focus. You could see again. No, you could finally see. Seokjin. It was him. It wasn’t just some sexual attraction you shared, a sexual connection. It wasn’t that small, that petty… It was more than that. You wanted it to be more than that. You needed it to be more, and you needed him to feel the same… 

You looked towards where Lina had disappeared. She saw it too. Make a move. That what she’d said, but you were scared. You were always scared. You’d gotten hurt so many times before. However… However, Seokjin was different. He wasn’t like the rest. He was Seokjin. The guy who knew you better than anyone. The one who had been there for you when you’d needed someone, helped you without asking… 

Make a move. 

You should make a move. You didn’t want to play games anymore. You couldn’t wait any longer. 

The buzz of your phone caught your attention. You opened the messages quickly. 

Seokjin  Look at me again ;(  I miss you  It’s been days since I last saw you

You kept missing one another. You’d just been staring at him for the past couple of minutes and as soon as you’d looked away, he was looking back… It felt like it captured something else. How you’d both been all this time… 

You looked up to meet his eyes. He gave you the warmest smile. One that felt like he hadn’t seen you in weeks even though he’d been in the same building as you all night. It made the tugging in your chest more apparent than ever before. The yearning now finally making sense. It was for him, and he was looking at you as if you were the only person in this way, way too fancy house. 

You looked away quickly, unsure if you even smiled back at him. Your heart was thudding against your ribcage, mind racing, and you really needed something. Water? Fresh air? No, something else… 

You i can’t look at you again tonight 

Seokjin  How come?

Seokjin replied immediately. Poor guy, he was probably confused by your peculiar behaviour. Not that you had much time to recognise that. You were too busy typing again. You knew what you needed. 

You  because i’ll want to kiss you 

And with that, you were gone. Darting out the opposite doorway. Brian’s house was massive, and you were pretty sure no one was allowed upstairs but you bolted up there anyway, the music getting quieter as you made it further. Your cellphone burnt in your palm, reminding you of your own stupidity, but soon enough it was vibrating again. You dreaded to look but knew you had to. 

Seokjin  Wait  Where did you go  ????

You made it down the hall, flicking on a light to see all the doors were closed. You tried your luck at opening one. It was locked, probably his parents’ bedroom, so you tried another. That led to a bathroom, and while it would do, you didn’t really feel like having a breakdown in there, you know, being at a party and all. You weren’t even drunk. The third door you tried was thankfully unlocked. A bedroom. Not Brian’s. Too florally. You sat on the bed, door ajar, letting some light in as you text Seokjin back with shaky fingers. 

You upstairs  i’m embarrassed 🤧

He replied instantly. He’d definitely been waiting. It made you feel better. 

Seokjin Don’t be  Can I follow you?

You please  i’m in the bedroom with the door half open 

You replied without much thought. Yes, you were embarrassed but you really wanted to see him. To speak to him. To kiss him. You really wanted that. How had you been able to suppress it for so long? 

You stood up to wait for him, unable to keep still and awkwardly stared facing the door, heart still thudding loudly in your chest. You could hear it echoing through your ears. He wasn’t long. He burst through the door like there was a fire but stopped in his tracks when he saw you stood there. Waiting for him. 

He smiled softly but his eyes stayed afraid to blink. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” You smiled back. Your first words of the night. They were enough. 

“What’s going on—”

Your mouth was on his before he could finish. You didn’t even remember breaking the distance between you two, but there you were, pressing your lips into the curve of his. They were just as soft as you remembered. Softer. But as soon as you’d had the feel he was pulling away, hooking under your elbows to part you both, looking bewildered. “Wait, you’re really kissing me?” 

You heart fell into your gut, opening your mouth to apologise. Maybe you’d misread everything. Maybe he didn’t want you. Maybe he’d followed you to let you down gently like the fool you were… However as soon as the panicked thoughts had entered your mind he was kissing them away, laughing in disbelief as he moulded into you, wrapping his arms around your middle. 

You met each flurry of his mouth, small kisses in quick succession, like you were both too afraid to break away for too long and you flung your arms around his shoulders, locking him to you. “Is that okay?” You whispered between hot presses, which was very pointless now seeing as he’d made the second move. 

He chuckled. “It’s more than okay.” 

And that was that. You didn’t need anymore insisting or persuading. Seokjin wanted to kiss you too, and that’s what you let him do. You wanted to think more. Like about how this wasn’t the best place to share such a moment. In a bedroom you weren’t allowed in. At a party for god’s sakes. Yet, perhaps it was fitting. That first night you’d spent together was at a party. It was a stupid idea at the time, something you thought you’d regret, but nope, you didn’t regret a thing. No, this moment right here was pretty perfect. More than pretty perfect. It was perfect. It really was. 

Just like him. You didn’t know when Kim Seokjin had become the one you were looking for. He probably always was, you’d just been stupid. Oblivious. Blind. These past couple of months had really opened your eyes. You’d let him into your heart. Your heart that you’d been sure wasn’t working properly. Turns out there was nothing wrong with it. It just thrummed to Seokjin’s smile. Seokjin’s laugh. Seokjin’s voice. You found the way he twitched his nose without realising cute. Couldn’t stop thinking about how adorable his serious face was. Remembered how surprised you were when you found out he actually had a pretty good singing voice and how after that you’d tried your best into tricking and baiting him to sing for you… It never worked. 

You laughed at the memory. Seokjin had no clue what you were so amused by, but he laughed along too. Sounding so genuinely happy it just made you laugh harder. You were lost again. Your thoughts would have to go on pause. Just for a bit. So you could enjoy this fully. This was what you’d been missing. It was crystal clear. Everything you’d been searching for. It was Seokjin. You were slow, months late, but it was him. 

The warmth of his tongue glided across your bottom lip, ever so gently trying to seek entrance into the warmth of your mouth. You gave it to him gladly, tasting him eagerly. The familiarity seeped through your veins, your mind almost in a dreamlike state as you moved together. Things were just how you left them. He still felt the same under your fingertips and tasted the same against your tongue. Only tonight there was a little difference. In the way he moved. In the way he treated you. There was something more. Something that had been missing in the past. Something you’d both never thought about. 

He moved you, walking backwards with you still cradled in his arms as he slowly began shutting the door with his back. He flipped you then, so that you took his place and he gently pushed you back until the door clicked. That blanketed you both in darkness, but you didn’t care. If anything he kissed you harder, hands running down your waist and digging into your hips as yours explored the broadness of his shoulders and length of his back. You could taste the slightest hint of beer too, but unlike in the past when you’d whined and pulled a face, you welcomed it. He matched each sweet sigh you gave him with his own low moan. 

However soon enough the deeper the kiss got, the more overwhelmed you became, each curl of his tongue taking the breath from right within your chest, so you were not disappointed or desperate when he slowed down, returning to kissing you in small, quick successions. His breathing ragged, his eyes unfocused as he fluttered them open to find you staring back at him. 

“Seokjin,” you murmured, clinging to him to now, fingertips pressing into his shoulder blades. You wanted to say more. You had a lot to tell him, but you were dizzy and the words wouldn’t come. God. You had so much to say. 

“I’m here,” he smiled, rubbing your noses together. As if understanding completely and reassuring you. He kissed at your mouth a few more times but it was no where near as urgent as before. All your pent-up frustration had evaporated and in its place was just the urge to keep on feeling things softly. Feeling things gently. 

He held your hips, keeping you close to him, and maybe he could read the look in your eyes. It matched his. “Sh-should we be doing this right now?” His voice was fragile. Still affected but also nervous. “Maybe we should slow down. Catch a breath.” He stroked up and down your sides as he continued. 

You let the comfort of his warm breath against your face wash over you and nodded slowly. 

“Sorry,” you apologised, although unneeded. “I do want this though.” 

He smiled again. “I want this too.” A kiss to the tip of your nose this time as you let out a soft exhale. You were too happy for words. Nervous, yes. Uncertain, you bet. However you hadn’t felt this contented in a long while. If ever. This relieved. It wasn’t a dream. Seokjin and you were on the same page. 

“Let’s wait until tomorrow?” He asked carefully. This was new to you both and you needed to make sure nothing was rushed nor ignored. “We can talk properly and work out what’s going on with us, hm?” 

You nodded again, lips sticky and warm as you tugged your bottom one between your teeth. “That sounds good.” 

He hugged you in response. A proper hug. One you’d been in need of for a while. You just hadn’t realised until his arms were wrapped tightly around your body, pressing you into his. You closed your eyes and inhaled his scent.

“It does,” he agreed.

Written 2019-20. Reworked/Edited 2020 Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2020

[storytellerssanctum]

Petals & Thorns - chapter 5/?

Pairing: Fred Weasley x oc

Warnings: none

Word count: 2k

SONG OF THE CHAPTER - don’t get me wrong • lewis capaldi

The library was quiet, there was few people in the room. The books stood sturdy on the shelves, calling to her as she walked towards them. The room had a chill; a small draft wafted through the windows. The end of fall was near, and the weather was proving it. The castle was not very well insulated. She found her fingertips drifting over a few hardcover novels on the wooden shelf. She picked up one that peaked her interest, and she brought it to an empty table. It spoke tales of the history of magic. She needed it for her essay, but she did enjoy learning about it. As she sat, the old chair groaned under the slight weight. She opened the cover, and dove inside a world away from her own. As she flipped through pages, she heard footsteps crawling towards the table. Her eyes filtered up over her glasses as she caught sight of a few fourth year Hufflepuffs watching her. They were all girls, and looked as if they wanted to ask her something. They were issuing hushed whispers, clearly talking about her. Their eyes averted to the floor as she caught them.

"Enlighten me on what you find so interesting." She snapped, now her neck was straightened. Her eyes bored into them. They didn't answer. "I'm speaking to you?" She ushered them to respond. Her foot tapped against the floor as her impatience grew.

"We were just wondering if you knew.... if your brother had a girlfriend." She rubbed her face in her hands at the word and snapped her book shut.

"You came to bother me... to ask if my brother had a girlfriend?" She repeated their question. One of the girls nodded. "Do you really think I have the time to answer questions about my stupid little brother?" She scolded. They didn't answer. With a sigh, she stood. "No, he doesn't. Don't waste your time on him." She snapped, walking past them. "Next time, ask him yourself." She signed the book out and walked out of the library. The halls outside of it were littered with students from all houses. She suspected they were just trying to pass the time until the other schools arrived. It was mid-October now, and soon enough it would be the thirtieth. Maybe they were waiting for the day after, when the Triwizard champions would be selected.

She walked down the hallways leading to the dungeon. The time was just after dinner, the lot of everyone would be back inside anyway. Most of the people in her house were lazy, and got tuckered out any time after six o'clock. As she passed, her heels clicked angrily against the floor. When she passed through the entrance hall, the Weasley twins were arguing with each other over something she didn't care to understand. As she walked, Fred stopped arguing and followed her with his eyes. Usually, she would feel any type of satisfaction at this. Now, she was angry at the Hufflepuff girls for bothering her. She didn't give the two a second look.

"Close your mouth, mate. You'll catch a fly." George shot at his brother. This made Fred give him a glare. "Just looking out for you is all." Addy couldn't even laugh at their banter. This week had been a week of hell for the girl. An essay in three of her classes were due, her brother was driving her up a wall, and she was dealing with daily coercion from her boyfriend to do things she didn't want. Now, she was doing everything she could to avoid Adrian. She spent her time in the library or in her dorm, where he couldn't get to her. He rarely stepped foot in the library in his years of schooling; she didn't have to worry about him looking for her there.

She found herself in front of the stone wall that hid the Slytherin common room. Her lips let the password escape and it opened to reveal a staircase leading down to the dungeon it was located. As she took the steps, she could hear chatter at the bottom of the staircase. She pulled her book closer to her chest as she revealed herself into the opening. A few second years scattered out of her way as they saw her. She scanned the room, seeing her boyfriend sitting in an armchair by the fire. To keep up the reputation of their relationship, she went to him and placed a kiss on his lips. She wanted to throw up at her actions. Being with him made her feel physically ill sometimes. This year, especially. His actions of late were not close to what a relationship should hold.

"Where have you been hiding?" He asked, giving her a smile. He was being nice, it came to her as a shock.

"Library," she showed him her book. "I have some homework due this week, I needed to catch up on it." She gave him an honest answer.

"Looking to take a break?" He asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She gave a small shrug.

"Maybe not a break, just some company. Some Hufflepuff girls got on my nerves earlier." She let her lips upturn into a smile. "I had to leave the library before I hexed them."

"Mrs. Prince didn't get them?" He took her hand into his own.

"Must not have been paying close enough attention." She joked.

"Her, not paying attention? That's never happened." He stood and placed a hand on her lower back, leading her back out to the deserted hallway. The castle was quiet near the Slytherin room. Hand in hand, they walked to the astronomy tower. This was a place Adalinda loved dearly. He knew this, and used it to his advantage. When she was up there, her mood drastically increased. As they took the stairs to the top, they didn't speak. When they reached their destination, she let a sigh of relief out of her mouth.

Her hands rested over an old tattered desk as she let her book fall to it. Her eyes fell over the telescopes that grazed the open windows of the room. The darkening sky held speckles of stars. "It's so beautiful up here."  She stated, walking to one of the openings in the wall.

"Yeah," his eyes fell over her, watching her take in her surroundings. "It sure is." He made his way over to her, wrapping an arm around her small figure. She fell into him, accepting the hold. He leaned down and brought her into a kiss. She accepted, holding him there for a moment. Adrian wasn't awful when he wasn't angry. When he was kind, it almost made her forget about the bad times they shared. Still, deep in her stomach she couldn't pass the feeling of uneasiness. She knew the good times would pass by almost as soon as they arrived.

The words of her father held her captive in his love. Though, Adrian didn't even know if he truly loved her. He was obsessed with the idea of being with her, but he wasn't sure if it was out of true feelings or simply the idea of a powerful girlfriend. He made her angry often, and feel appreciated seldom. He wasn't sure if the time spent with her was worth it. Yet, when he held her he forgot his doubt. He was peaceful when he had her in his arms, until she tried to push him away. Adrian hated nothing more than being rejected.

"I should probably get to work." There it was, the withdrawal. She couldn't be affectionate with him to save her life.

"You always have something better to do." He muttered, releasing his hold on her. She gave him a quizzical look.

"What are you talking about?" She sighed, walking away from the view.

"You. You couldn't pretend to love me if your life depended on it." He took a seat in a chair, looking away.

"I do, Adrian. This week has been busy." She tried to console him, to prevent him from getting angry.

"Then what'll it be next week? You're too tired, or you have to help your stupid brother with something?" His words were hard as he avoided her face.

"That's not true."

"Then what is it? I brought you up here! It's your favourite place, I wanted some alone time, and you can't even give me two minutes!" He was shouting now. She cowered at his words, scared of his clenched fists.

"Fine," she walked over, placing a hand on his shoulder. He hit it off, not wanting the contact anymore. Her heart sped at his actions. "What do you want from me, then?" She was getting angry now, too.

"I want you to have some kind of feelings for me! Stop pretending that what we have is more than a public face! You're only caught up in the thought of pleasing your father, stop leading me on already." He snapped. The sentence hit her deep in the stomach.

"I'd love to tell you whatever you want. I want to make you happy. I can't do that if you aren't letting me." She took a chair beside him, nearly falling into it.

"Haven't you had enough of loneliness already? You have all of these people around you, but you don't let anybody in. You keep us around because it makes you look like you have a purpose. Aren't you sick and tired of lying to be someone your father wants you to be?" A grimace took her expression. "I know you, Addy. This cold person, the one you believe is truly you, it isn't. You put on this face to make everyone scared of you, to make them believe you're the a true Malfoy. I see you when you're not around a crowd."

"I am exactly who I present myself as." She grabbed his hands, making him look to her. "I would not be sitting here with you if I didn't want to be. I chose you, out of everyone I could've had." His eyes met hers, falling into them. As much as he didn't want to believe her, her powerful stare influenced him. She leaned forward and made their lips meet. She was scared that he was discovering her true emotions. When you spent so much time with another person, they could pick up on things. When they parted, he held her with his expression.

"Every time we talk about other people, we make fun of them. You don't join. Your brother hates mudbloods, and he shows it. You have never said that word. In the six years I've known you, you have never let it slip. You'd think, if you hated them so much, you wouldn't avoid it. You don't join in when we laugh at anyone. You laugh at the Weasley twins like they're funny, not like they're stupid. You don't hold a distaste when you see a half-blood, or a blood traitor. You try to, but I can see past it."

"I am a Malfoy, Adrian. I hate everyone who's blood isn't clean. I have to. I don't say it, because there's no need to. With my name, it's assumed. I don't have to show it like Draco. He's trying to prove himself for no reason." His hand reached out and caught her cheek, holding it there for a moment.

"Soon enough, I won't be the only one you have to convince." It was the only words he responded with.

"I'm not convincing you. I am simply telling you."

"You have to prove the words for them to mean something." His thumb drifted over her bottom lip. She felt nothing, no emotion or love at the gesture.

"I love you. We were meant to be together."

"Then show me."

Tags: @play-morezeppelin

[joonsneptune]

Philosophical Thoughts ✧ KTH

(Taehyung x Reader)

Tags: philosophy discussion, college au, v x reader, genderless Word Count: 2k

Masterlist

A bladder discomfort was what woke you up, forcing you out of the comfort of your bed at 3:43 in the morning. You knew that finishing a bottle of water before bed would not be a good idea, even if it was at the perfect temperature, and it was a good excuse for you to get away from studies for the ethics exam that would happen in a few hours.

With your eyes more closed than open, the path to your shared bathroom seemed to be twice as long as normal, almost a marathon until you sat on the cold toilet in the dark bathroom. Obviously the light had not been turned on, your almost bursting bladder was more important at the moment. Sleep and the late hours forced you to be silent, moving your arms in slow motion, since no one should be awake at this time and you didn't want that to change. The bathroom door is only closed so that the tap noise does not reach the rooms.

With clean hands and empty bladder, your toes prepare for the marathon back to the comfort of your bed, but the open door of Taehyung, one of the boys you shared the apartment with, kept you from making any move, standing there holding your breath so he wouldn't notice you. And suddenly you were more awake than ever, admiring the beauty of the boy who stirred your heart.

Taehyung - or as he begged you to call him, Tae - was also a philosophy student, only a few classes ahead you, and had a brilliant mind, always getting high grades and receiving compliments from the teachers. Constantly you found yourself asking for help on subjects you already knew just to see his bright, enthusiastic eyes as he talked about the most varied philosophical subjects. You also cannot deny that because of it, your grades were above average.

His body sitting on the windowsill was in his pyjamas and bare feet, the strands of dark hair fell over his dimly lit face, and because his head was tilted to the sky, his eyes shone. A book was laying on his legs, there were many notes coming out of the pages and it was already at the end, with very few pages left to finish. You could film as his chest slowly rose and fell, his eyes blinking after a long time, demonstrating that he was focused on what was going on in his head. Or take a picture of that moment to put in a frame on your bedside table next to your bed. He looked like a work of art.

Taehyung sighs heavily, causing your body to tremble in a fright, and his legs come up off the window, his toe touching the floor. "My favorite time of day is at dawn." His words sound low and his face turns toward you. At the same time, you can feel your face burn, pointing it to the ground with shame. How long should he be waiting for you to go back to your room and leave him alone? "Especially in summer, when it's hot and dark, and you can relax or focus on your studies effortlessly. How about you?"

The words escape from your mind, all running away with the shame you felt at that moment. He must think you were crazy, a psycho starring at him in the dark. His mouth opens but still nothing comes out, your hands begin to sweat and then, the worst. You remember you were wearing the most ridiculous pyjamas in the world, blue bears covering your body, not to mention that you didn't have the same body from eight years ago. The pyjamas your grandmother gave you badly covered your body, the shorts just above the thighs covering only your parts, and the shirt was tighter than the ones the girls wore at frat parties. Your luck was that it was dark, because your face looked so red, just like a tomato.

Receiving no response from you, Taehyung pats the empty space beside him, calling you to sit there. Maybe he was already used to your weird personality. Reluctantly, you enter his room with slow steps, holding back not to look around. The decor there was beautiful, and you were obsessed with his bookshelf, which occupied an entire wall. Trying to hide as much of your body as you could with your both arms, you sit next to him, seeing how starry the sky was today. It was really a privilege to study and live far from the big city.

“What kept you up till this hour?” His eyes travel from the sky to your, which were down, toward the book he held. Modern philosophy, your favorite subject.

“I have an exam today.” It wasn't a lie, but to say that you wanted to pee it would be very embarrassing. With a lot of effort, you raise your gaze to him. “It's the last ethics exam of the semester.” Taehyung's head shakes, he'd already been through it, and he knew the feeling.

“And what is it about? It was my turn about Adam Smith's theory of moral feelings.” You agree with him, yours exams would be the same. “I almost didn't pass this exam, it was very difficult. Mr. Brown was very critical of the correction.” Although his words sounded true, you doubted very much what he said. No one was as smart as Taehyung. "But I'm sure you'll make it." A small smile breaks out on his lips, making you smile along. “Want help somewhere? I don't remember everything, but I sure know the basics.”

"I don't know… The only part that is making me nervous is the third." Without realizing it, you pinch the edge of your lips between your teeth as you relay the information from the seven parts of the book into your mind. “The difference between love and praise. Mr. Brown was very clear that he wanted their own vision, not the book's.”

"Ah, what's the matter with that?" Taehyung's face frowns. Being able to demonstrate your opinion and view of things around you was what every student of philosophy wanted most. So would you, if it wasn't about love.

In your head, you were sure that as soon as the next sentence came out of your mouth, the boy in front of you would laugh so loudly that it would wake everyone living in the building. All the courage that existed within your body needs to be gathered. "I don't believe love exists." However, he doesn't laugh. His hands meet his chin and his gaze rises back to the sky behind you, and then he takes a long moment to blink. He was reflecting. Your cheeks burn right away, courage has evaporated from your mere existence, and once again, you face the ground near your feet.

“Elaborate it.” The inside of your body rolls, as if you were on a roller coaster, along with a strange chill. Despite the high grades you got when he helped you, you hated it when he asked it you to. He did not accept a weak elaboration, it had to be a long essay with logical reflections. Maybe that was why he was the best student in his class.

Since his eyes were still on the sky, you take a few seconds for yourself, trying to organize your thoughts in a coherent line of reasoning. The words you had used in the debate earlier appear in your mind, at least at that time people had agreed with you, maybe Taehyung would agree too. Looking smart in front of him would not be a bad idea.

“When you love, do you love the person or the feelings it brings you?” It wasn't a question directed at him, so you continue to explain yourself, still not taking your eyes to him. “Loving a person concerns everything that is involved with her. From the mistakes she makes to the points where you disagree with and go against. And if you love only part of the person, you don't love her, right?” Taehyung shakes his head, causing his dark brown strands to sway along. Your shoulders relax, he had agreed, so what you were talking about wasn't that crazy. You can't help but notice how your heart was beating faster now that your eyes were connected with the boy. “And if we are unable to love, love does not exist. You can't believe something that is unreachable.”

"And how would you explain a child's love for his parents, for example?" You didn't expect him to ask a question, not now. Would that be a good sign?

“As Smith says, there is a difference between love and praise. Love-” now that you have already declared love to be nonexistent, your fingers soar to quote the word, correcting yourself. A smile spread across his lips as Taehyung lets out a low laugh, laughing the way you had corrected yourself. “A son's love for his parents would be praise.”

It was a funny situation, both of you in your pyjamas laughing about the nonexistence of love in the middle of the night, sitting at the window with a whole sky behind you. It's like in a movie, in your head, you two end this discussion with a kiss and a declaration of love. Oh, if he only knew how much you wanted that moment to never end. He would give you a chance out of pity.

“And society has a role in that too!” Your mouth could tear at any moment, with every laugh Tae let out.

“Damn capitalist society.” It's your turn to laugh, which you soon try to stifle with your hands. “But I understand what you mean. Children grow up with a vision that one must love their parents, which has always been imposed by society.” His fingers go up to the air in quick quotes. “The child loves parents because of the feelings they bring to them. Affection, attention…” He counts on his fingers, giving an answer to the question he had asked minutes ago.

"Exactly. Just as society dictates how we should dress, for example, it also dictates what we should feel. It's sad to think so, but we don't love our parents for simply loving, we love because we have this view that one should love them forever no matter what happens.” Your words complement Tae's thinking, which he listens to very carefully, leaving your eyes locked on yours.

"Can you two stop flirting and go to sleep?" Your cheeks soon warm at the boy's words. The voice of Namjoon, the boy who studied sociology, sounds loud, scaring you and Taehyung. Your laughs probably woke him up. "I have a test today.” You both mutter apologies, your voices low, and the blond boy returns to his room.

"He is right. You also have a test today and need to rest.” Taehyung gets up, throwing the book that was once on his lap onto the bed. Your heart breaks into several pieces, realizing that your moment was over. “How about I pick you up after your exam so we can finish this conversation? We can have some coffee together.” His hand extends toward yours, offering help to get up.

All the pieces of your heart come together, beating hard again in your chest. He was calling you on a date. The love of your life was calling you to a date where you would discuss about philosophy. Together for a coffee. That was a date, right? Of course, your cheeks turned hot and red. And of course, it felt like a dream. But fortunately, it was real. And Tae's hand in the air, waiting for yours, was just a confirmation. Of course, you join your hand with his.

“I'd love to.” At least your voice comes out soft as his fingers touch yours. Because your legs tremble when you force yourself to make your way out to your room. “I'll send you a message when it's over.” His smile was as big as yours when he said good night, watching you leave the room, his hands hidden in his pants pocket. His hands were sweating as much as yours were.

You might not realize it, but he was just as excited as you to hear you speak of the philosophy of love with glowing eyes, full of enthusiasm.

[writingwitchly]

James the hero

Word count: 2k

A/N: Thank you to @alrightginger @women-inthe-sequel @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world @jamesandthedog @blitheringmcgonagall @all-perks-of-not-being-me @erase-grace​ @beaubcxton​ for supporting such a silly idea. I hope you like this at least a fraction of how much I like your writing and personality

Pairing: Jily

Summary: If I wrote a summary, I’d ruin the surprise.

***

When Mrs. potter walked in the living room of the Potter Mansion, she felt that something was wrong. Her skin prickled, and her Mom senses were alert for the first time since two weeks ago, when the Hogwarts express had left in direction of Scotland.

Her eyes scanned the place: Mimsy—their cat—didn’t seem to have broken anything for once, nor had it scratched any of her favorite pillows; the fireplace harbored no fire, so the house couldn’t be burning down—from there , at least; and her husband was lazily going through the Daily Prophet, seated on his armchair.

Really, everything seemed to be quite alright-

-until she noticed the little badly wrapped parcel on one of the glass tables.

That had no business in her living room.

“Fleamont?” she called, creasing her brow. “What is that ?”

The man raised his cheerful eyes from the newspaper, and peeped at her for a few seconds with his most innocent look. When her severe expression made it clear that he couldn’t get easily out of this one, he tried to hide his sheepish smile behind the publication.

“Something for James. I’m waiting for the owl to come back to send it over,” he muttered, hoping that she would be satisfied with this answer.

Of course, she wasn’t.

“Fleamont,” Mrs. Potter took a step toward the brown wrapping, and lifted it in the air to inspect it. “I swear to Merlin, if you get my son into detention once more -”

Mr. Potter clicked his tongue on his palate, and dropped the Daily Prophet on his lap, half-purposefully slapping the Minister of Magic’s squeamish face, “May I remind you, darling, that this was an accident. Minerva oughtn’t to punish her students because-”

“Somebody’s hair has turned into sheep fur? No, surely not,” Mrs. Potter burst, trying to decipher the letters that labelled the bottle—for it was a bottle, in the parcel—through the thick paper. “Mind you, maybe when one or two students get such a relooking, one could think of a mistake in the shampoo brewing. But when half the staff walks around the castle with a fleece on their head for an entire week, with not charm to solve it-” When she looked down from the little package, her husband had found cover once more behind an outraged Minister of Magic. “ Fleamont .”

“Fine,” Mr. Potter said, sending the newspaper flying to the other end of the room. “I might have sent James some Mutton Mixture for testing last time, but this is a completely safe product.” He stood up, and gently took the parcel from his wife’s hand. “Which I am going to send right now, with a public owl, so there will be peace again under this roof.”

Mr. Potter left a little peck on his wife’s cheek, took his hat from the coat rail, and opened the door.

“Fleamont,” Mrs. Potter called again, “What is it for?”

She just heard the words “impress” and “girl” before she was alone for good in the house.

 ***

James’ feet-tapping had become so irksome that Sirius couldn’t get himself to gulp down any food anymore.

“Alright. What is it, Prongs?”

For an answer, James only beamed—and Sirius very much felt like throwing him the rest of his porridge square in the face. Hadn’t it been for Remus-

“What Pads is trying to say, Prongs,” the lanky boy articulated between two mouthfuls of tart, “Is that you’re fucking annoying, beating some dumb rhythm and looking like you’ve been told that Snivellus got bitten by a Blast-ended Skrewt.”

“Has he?” Peter shrilled. His eager expression faded when Sirius muttered that no, but he wished.

Ignoring this, James leaned toward the pumpkin juice carafe, placed between their four plates.

“I have a plan,” he whispered, and his eyes immediately darted to the redheaded girl that was sitting at the far end of the bench.

Sirius dropped his head, and Remus and Peter groaned, but the three boys listened nonetheless.

***

Everything was clear in James’ head.

Ever since Lily had come back from summer vacations, she hadn’t stopped going on about this Muggle spy movie. She loved the actor, she loved the story, she loved the character, and she couldn’t stop gushing about it all.

Of course, this annoyed James very much.

It’s not like him and Lily were good friends—or were friends at all, to be honest—but they were on fairly good terms, and James was working his way to become her hero—it is a truth universally acknowledged that girls fall in love with their heroes. So the fact that a fictional bloke was standing in his way was clearly the worst of all things.

To bypass the whole my-crush-of-forever-keeps-swooning-over-a-fictional-dude-and-thus-does-not-notice-me-as-she-should situation, James had first brooded quite a lot. But as he was not too much of the emo type—it made him too similar to a certain slimehead he found absolutely repulsive—, he had tried to get Marlene and Dorcas to talk Lily out of her fangirling. Which would have worked, had he not gotten not too politely rebuked for apparently acting like a creep.

James had considered every other solution, but had come out with none that would work: dueling, arranging a date with another girl, and pranking would of course be pointless, as the guy was fictional, for Merlin’s sake;  throwing a tantrum or threatening to fling himself from the astronomy tower seemed to be a bit dramatic, and he doubted that McGonagall would ever forgive him if he wrote “Hey Lily, I am here,” on any wall of the castle.  She still hadn’t forgiven him for the last time he’d done it.

So, at this point, James had found himself in quite a dead end, and Lily kept talking about that cold-blooded, heart-stealing spy with flushed cheeks.

Yet, one day-

One day, James heard the name of the character, and something clicked in his head.

He had a plan.

***

“Do we tell him or-?”

Remus slapped Sirius round the head, “Come on Pads, James is our best friend. Between having a good laugh, or telling him the truth, we shouldn’t even hesitate.”

As they watched the bespectacled boy climbing the stairs to the common room, parcel at hand, the three-fourth of the Marauders grinned, loyal to their rebellious teenager natures.

“‘Course we ain’t telling him,” Peter concluded.

***

As James got out of the bathroom, an electric silence fell in the sixth year Gryffindors’ room.

“So?” he asked, wiping the mist away from his glasses with the fabric of his t-shirt.

The three other young men thanked Merlin that he couldn’t see shit without those, because it let them enough time to regain their composure.

“Mate,” Sirius said, when his best friend's hazel eyes finally put his face into focus.

He whistled, and that seemed to be enough to James. He looked at his friends with expectancy,

“Are you coming to witness my triumph?”

A little silence followed, and Remus considered throwing himself out of the window to avoid chuckling. But this would mean missing the next scene, so not thank you.

“‘Course,” Sirius said, his face professionally solemn.

“Wouldn’t want to miss that,” Remus added, skillfully turning his snort into a cough.

James sought Peter’s answer, but the boy just nodded. (Fact is, he had a part to add too, but he was chewing the inside of his cheeks really hard, and didn’t trust himself to contain his laughter otherwise.)

James beamed, and turned around, riding one of his hands in his messy hair. (That hadn’t changed.)

As the boys followed him toward the common room, Sirius let out his umpteenth groan, and Peter nearly suffocated.

***

“Oi, Evans!”

At the sound of James’ voice, Lily prepared herself to execute the most massive eye-roll in history of eye-rolls. What did he want, now? Couldn’t she study in peace on a Sunday morning? Considering the looks she spotted on her friends’ faces, their inner voices were shouting the same.

Still, when Lily turned around, a salty remark already on the tip of her tongue, all the air was knocked out of her lungs, and her jaw dropped somewhere near the floor. 

For a second, she considered that the sunlight coming through the window might be playing her some wicked trick.

“James-” she whispered in shock, struggling for words that didn’t want to line up in her mind. “You’re- you’re-”

“You’re blond!” Marlene squeaked, raising a hand to her mouth, only to let it drop soon after.

To her cry, all the students in the room looked up from their books, essays, or games of exploding snaps. Some of them gasped, while the other half choked on their saliva.

“Yes,” James said, puffing his chest up with a smug smile. “Like that Muggle spy you always talk about, Evans.”

He wriggled his eyebrows at Lily, in that ridiculous way that he surely believed was charming.

Some sort of noise escaped Lily’s throat—similar to the squeaks that Peter made when somebody told him it was exams day—and said boy had to take one of the cushions from the couch to muffle his wave of giggles.

From the floor, Mary and Dorcas were still staring with open mouths, and the former braced herself, blushing for James, hoping that Lily wouldn’t be too hard on him: it was a cute thought, after all.

“What,” James asked, when the awkwardness in the room became so palpable that even he could sense it. “Have I grown a horn or-”

“See, Prongs,” Remus finally said, torn between a smile of pure amusement, or one of slight guilt. “The fact is that-”

“You look like him,” Lily cut across the lanky boy, springing from the floor. “You exactly look like James Blond.”

Sirius’ expression went from I’m-on-the-verge-of-dying-from-laughter to excuse-me-but-what-the-fuck??

“It’s-” her voice came out a bit strangled, laughter threatening to burst from her throat at the realization of his misinterpretation, but she checked herself, and swallowed.

She couldn’t entirely bite back her smile, though, but made it as gentle as she could. There was even a slight hint of red on her cheeks.

“It was kind of stupid of you, Potter-”

She was close enough to him now for his nose to face her forehead. One of her hands rose, as if to touch the pseudo-sunburned streaks of his hair, but she seemed to ditch the idea. Instead, she propped herself on the point of her toes, and left a swift kiss on his cheek.

“But it’s a nice surprise.”

When she left towards the dormitory, holding a hand to her mouth, the Marauders were so surprised that Sirius forgot to whistle.

***

It turned out that Mr. Potter had been quite mistaken about his affirmation: they dying lotion wasn’t as safe as he’d believed. Just like it had happened with the Mutton Mixture, the Blonde Brew lasted one week before starting to fade away.

Now, I could leave to you the task of imagining how these seven days went by, but something tells me that, maybe, you’d like to hear it from me.

The first to notice, apart from the Gryffindor students, was a very confused Filch. During his morning stroll, before which he had maybe drank a cup too much, it caused him a shock to see a blonde replica of James Potter—for his first thought was that it was a clone of his worst nightmare wandering around, you see. Filch ran to Mrs. Pomfrey in panic, and swore to never drink a drop of firewhiskey again, or it’d cause him a stroke, sooner or later. He instead moved on to vibringvodka.

When Professor McGonagall and a couple of other teachers came across James, in the hallways, they blinked furiously for a couple of seconds, but did not even try to understand. There was some relief in their countenance, as if they were just glad their own hair hadn’t been turned into something else, this time.

Professor Dumbledore eyed James’ mane very intently during dinners, and envied him this dazzling color for a while, while Professor Slughorn got quite distracted by the change, and blew some cauldrons during lessons.

As for the core of the Hogwarts student, anyone who even thought about telling James about his little mistake ended up jinxed, spluttering slugs instead of words. Said students never knew how it happened to them, but when they turned around to race toward the Hospital Wing, they’d always bypass a redhead, her rosy cheeks stretched in a fond smile.

Somehow, James had become something close to being Lily’s hero.

[slashersteve]

Can’t Cheat Fate [3]

pairing: Steve Harrington/Female Reader, slight Jonathan Byers/Female Reader || Fake Dating! Au

series summary: After years of pining after the same guy you finally decide to tell him, but unfortunately you waited too long and he’s found someone else. Luckily, Steve Harrington offers to help you get him back if you’re willing to help him win the girl of his dreams. 

warnings: some cursing my guy || word count: 2k+

Note: Jonathan get’s a little douchey in this one, like i said this fic is STUPIDLY CHEESY AND CAN GET ANNOYING but i wanna write it so- enjoy~~~~~~

| Check out my other works! | Can’t Cheat Fate Masterlist |

<- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter -> 

The sound of shuffling and backpacks being zipped shut tore you out of your thoughts, and you had to sit there for a moment to wonder where you were. When you saw a lab table and heard your Chemistry teacher remind you all to read the next section of the chapter- you realized that you were about a minute away from lunch. You were completely distracted- your nerves getting the best of you the entirety of Chemistry. You were lucky your teacher wasn’t in a bad mood today or he might’ve called you to answer a question because of your distant look.

With shaking hands, you began to put away your binder, and chem textbook into your bag, trying to steady your breathing as well.

You will not chicken out today, you told yourself, if you do you’re going to regret it. So just do it! Jonathan wasn’t a mean guy, why were you so afraid? If he didn’t return your feelings, he wouldn’t be a jerk about it. Sure it may be a little awkward, but you were friends first and could work through the awkwardness. A burst of confidence replaced the fear and the nerves that stayed with you the entire walk to the cafeteria.

Jonathan was sitting in your usual spot, poking at his tray of food, something he did until you would arrive. Luckily, you decided to pack your own lunch today so you didn’t have to wait in the too long of a line for cafeteria food, “Hey!” you called maybe a little too excitedly, he looked up at you with a small smile as you sat down, setting your brown lunch bag in front of you.

“PB and J? And a banana?” he asked without even needing to see the contents inside. You grinned and nodded. Sure, it was the most basic lunch to exist, but it was your favorite, “You want me to get you a soda or something?” he was already pulling his wallet out, and standing up. You quickly shook your head because if he left now you’d probably run away.

“No I’m okay! Urm- how did the photos turn out?” you asked, starting out with small talk first before making a smooth transition into the confession of your feelings. Jonathan settled back in his seat, and he began to tell you how he arrived extra early to the photography room, but that everyone else in his class also had the idea so he didn’t get around to doing it.

“Bummer- I was hoping I could have one of those photos too,” you said.

“Maybe after school it’d be more available, if you’d like to come- you could wait outside the room of course,” he said, referring to your ink incident.

“Oh- I have to wait for you anyway,” you smiled, and Jonathan returned it with a smile of his own, you felt your heart swell up, and you blurted out, “Hey can I tell you something first? It’s something that I wanted to tell you for a while now, and I don’t think I can keep it a secret anymore.” Jonathan tilted his head.

“Oh...okay- I’m listening,” he nodded at you to continue. Your cheeks grew hot, and you found yourself looking at your unopened lunch bag, and gently chewing the inside of your cheek, trying to force yourself to just say it.

“Okay Jonathan I-”

But before you could finish that sentence, a new voice interrupted you.

“Hey (y/n),” Steve suddenly appeared in the empty spot next to you, making you jump slightly, “Sorry to interrupt whatever is going on here- but-” Steve merely glanced at Jonathan who was frowning before resting his eyes on you, “I talked to my swim coach about skipping out on practice- and we came up with an arrangement- every Tuesday and Thursday we can work for the full hour in the library after class.”

You blinked, “It’s Monday.”

“Yeah I can come today still! but I have to leave in the last 20 minutes to see how the freshman swimmers are doing, you know- I am the best swimmer and they need some advice...” he shrugged, and there he goes again. Who exactly are you trying to impress here Steve? You wondered as you glanced over Jonathan. He was looking forward, a distant, annoyed look in his eyes.

“Okay? Well- that’s actually good.” You weren’t lying, it did sound a good arrangement for him, he was the best swimmer according to the school records and himself- oh what are you doing? Why are you letting Steve distract you from telling Jonathan your feelings? This couldn’t wait until after? How could he choose a more inconvenient time for you?

Steve pat your knee, something you didn’t really take notice too, “Can you book the private study room?” You were becoming anxious by now, your leg bouncing up and down, wanting Steve to get out of here already so you could get on with what you were going to tell Jonathan. You just shrugged.

“Yeah I’ll do it before sixth.” Steve smiled, and squeezed your knee. You gave him a smile back, then for some reason as he got up, he winked and replied with, “You’re the best. See you after school.” And okay. Shaking your head, you waved as you watched him go. When he was back to sitting with his friends, throwing a glance over at you for a split second, you turned your attention back on Jonathan.

“So um- as I was saying...” you said, looking at Jonathan, seeing how overly annoyed he looked, and also...well...sad? You raised a brow, but decided to continue, “I was going to say before Steve interrupted is-”

“It’s okay (y/n), you don’t have to tell me. I already know.” Your eyebrows raised.

“You do?” Jonathan nodded, and began to gather all his food on his tray, “Oh well then…” you cheeks were completed heated by your nerves and surprise. He knew? You moved your hair behind your ear, offering a shy smile, “What do you think?”

“You know what I think,” he replied in a groggy tone, making you give him a confused look, and your shy smile falter. He stopped moving now actually looking at you, and he looked upset and annoyed which made your heart drop to your stomach, he rolled his eyes now, “You know what I think of him.”

You were about to speak when you realized why he was acting like that- does he thinks me and Steve are together? What kind of-

“Jonathan what are you talking about? I don’t-”

“I’m not going to dictate you on who to date or who you can mess around with…but with him? Of all people?” he cringed and now you were starting to get annoyed now, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You don’t- I wasn’t even- I don’t even understand how you even think I’m fooling around with Steve!” you said, trying not to be too loud but the people at the next table over could definitely hear you two beginning to argue.

“It’s obvious! Private study room? You ditching me to ‘help him with an essay’?” he made quotation gesture, you were fuming right now because you couldn’t believe this guy and the conclusions he somehow came to, “You could at least be more subtle about it, especially around me.” Oh what the hell!

“Stop acting like an ass! We’re literally working on an essay Jonathan- you’re welcome to sit in with us,” your voice was a bit louder now, the people in the next table were actually looking and even stifled a laugh when Jonathan shut his mouth.

It was honestly moments like this when Jonathan got into one of his moods where you wondered why you even harbored feelings for the guy for so long, he’d snap at you- usually when he was going through some stuff with his dad, you never faulted him for it, but this was just- so ridiculous and stupid of him that you couldn’t let him go on. So as you shoved your lunch bag back into your school bag, not caring if you were smashing the contents, and got up, you glared at him and said, “Get over your stupid hatred of Steve and grow up then maybe I’ll tell you what I actually wanted to tell you.” And with that you left.

Jonathan cursed under his breath, shoving his tray away and then glaring at the other students next to him. They quickly looked away, then Jonathan got up and left too, going straight to his photography class. You on the other hand didn’t actually know where you were going, he was your only constant friend. In fact, you were already starting to feel bad about the stupid argument as you left the cafeteria, and you would only start to feel more sad about it as the day inched to an end.

You’d have to see him in your class of the day anyway, and to get your bike from his car too. You already decided to apologize first, not liking when you fight with him even though sometimes you don’t really think half your arguments are your fault. You just wanted this empty feeling and the ache in your heart to go away for this misunderstanding.

***

As you walked into your last class, History it was, you made a beeline for Jonathan who appeared to be sitting all alone in the back, but as you got closer to take your seat, you were surprised to see that someone else was sitting there, a girl. You stopped in your tracks, seeing the girl leaning her head on her hand as she smiled, nodding along to him. He was smiling too, showing off his camera to her. Now they were leaning close, and you couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that sparked inside of you. Still, you walked over there, stopping by Jonathan and he didn’t even look at you.

“Jonathan,” you squeaked, he didn’t look but the girl did. She smiled up at you, her glossy lips shining in the sunlight that shined through the large windows, you didn’t give her one back, “Hey-”

“Oh- hi,” he spared you one glance, “I left your bike by my car- you can get Steve to take you home.” You clenched your jaw, biting back a response. His friend’s smile fell slightly, noticing the harsh tension between the two of you.

“I don’t want to fight anymore about something ridiculous Jonathan, it’s annoying. So I’m sorry, okay?” There you apologized. Jonathan looked up at you, then just gave a kurt nod, but didn’t say anything like a ‘I’m sorry too.’ It irked you that he didn’t, but what irked you even more was when he turned back to the dark-haired girl and started to continue their conversation. Her eyes lingered on you for a bit, but then rested on Jonathan, her brown eyes shining now too.

You didn’t know how to react, so you simply took a seat more towards the front now sad, and a wee bit jealous. Jonathan glanced over at you when your back was turned, lingering on you as well for more than a few seconds, and would catch himself staring for half of class.

When the day was over, you were quick to retrieve your bike from Jonathan’s car, bidding him a small good-bye (to which he kind of ignored because he was talking to Marlene you learned her name was) but then you ran into Steve in the middle of the hall just before you were about to leave the building to get it.

“Hey! Did you book the room?” he asked. Your eyes widened, you’ve been completely distracted by the messy events that happened in a mere three hours that you totally forgot! Steve could tell by your reaction that you didn’t and playfully waved his finger at you and shaking his head, “This is absurd (y/n), I expected better from you. Ugh.” You felt the corner of your lips curl up, then you released a nervous chuckle.

“It’s a first huh?” you replied, Steve grinned and dropped his hand to the side, “I’m sorry though- it just slipped from my mind I guess.” He examined you now, then tilted his head.

“Are you okay though? I heard everyone talking about some argument you and Jonathan got into…” you blinked, people were talking about it? “Not everyone of course- I just heard about it.”

“If you heard about it then everyone did- it was nothing, Steve. We get into stupid arguments all the time- can we walk and talk?” you thought you heard his laugh from down the hall, not wanting to deal with him and Marlene and just wanting to go home. Steve nodded and you both walked through the double doors, Steve holding it open for you, and then towards Jonathan’s car where your bike was leaned across the side of it, “It’s done, we’ll be back to normal. I’ll get here early tomorrow to get us the room okay? You just annotate the prompt tonight, and write down any questions that I’ll answer for you.” You honestly didn’t want to tell him the fight was about him, Steve would probably get a little big headed if he thought you liked him like that.

Steve nodded, “If you say so.” You retrieved your bike, and he spoke up again, “Is that your ride? Don’t you live like...a million miles away?”

“Yeah,” you shrugged. He put his hands on his waist and shook his head.

“No way- here just stay until the practice I thought I wasn’t going to is over, and I’ll give you a ride, we were supposed to stay here anyways,” he offered, and to be honest you were touched by the offer, but you didn’t think you could stay on school grounds any longer than you should be so you declined as you hopped onto your bike.

“Thank you, but- I kind of want to be home like now, have fun at practice though Steve, I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” you gave a small smile, and Steve nodded.

“Alright- see you tomorrow.” He watched you ride away, then huffed slightly, wondering what the argument was about anyway.

[pynchoff]

Pull Me Down (1/?)

Diego Hargreeves x FemOC | Warnings: Minor swearing, some (minor) violence, spoiler-free, I have no idea what I’m doing, little to no editing. | Word Count: 2k

Summary: When an ordinary grad student is saved by the city’s vigilante, she thought that’d be their last encounter. Well, she was wrong. lol

Lightning broke through the night sky just as Anna closed the book shop’s front doors. She looked up with a frown, watching as a dark cloud slowly covered the crescent moon and hoping the weather would give her the chance to get home before it rained. Sighing, Anna made sure the door was locked before stuffing her hands in her coat’s warm pockets and hurrying down the sidewalk.

It wasn’t every day she stayed till closing time. As a grad student working towards her Master’s degree, Anna made the arrangements to work mostly during the day so she could focus on her assignments at night. But her coworker, sweet and cheery Fiona, had just begun her maternity leave and help was needed.

Thunder flashed seconds before lightning stroke again, startling Anna. She made the quick decision to shorten her usual route by going through a barely lit alley that she always avoided but connected to the other block.

Anna’s steps were quick, both because she didn’t want the rain to catch up and because her heart was hammering against her chest. She kept her head down, burying it in the scarf wrapped around her neck. Her brown eyes kept going from the ground to the path ahead and then back down as if looking ahead for too long would conjure someone.

“Well...”

Her feet froze and the color drained from her face at the deep, slurred voice that interrupted the silence.

“...look what the kitty dropped in.”

Anna gulped, her head lifting to see the man standing in the middle of the alley. Her eyes shifted to the shadows of two other men leaning against the brick wall.

“She looks like a mouse,” one of them sneered.

“A lost little mouse,” the other added, amused.

“I’ll just be on my way,” Anna said, her voice failing. She attempted to step past the man blocking her way but his hand snatched her elbow, sending nothing but dread to the tip of her toes.

“Now just wait a minute,” he drawled, “we’re just getting started.”

Anna tried to jerk her arm off his grasp but he only tightened it, intensifying her struggle — and his enjoyment. “Let me go! Let me go now!”

“I don’t thi—”

The man suddenly screamed and his hold on Anna loosened just as she jerked away from him, sending her to the floor. A new figure stood before her, moving fast to punch and kick the man that had been holding her.

“What the fuck?!” she heard one of the other two goons exclaim, their footsteps fast approaching.

Anna crawled back until her back met the wall and she watched through wide eyes as the masked man fought with all three at the same time. It was hard to keep up with all the movements but the masked man moved his body as if he knew every single move his opponents were going to make. The sound of glass shattering broke her trance and she saw one of the other men aiming a broken bottle at him.

“Watch out!” she screamed.

She didn’t need to though, for in that exact moment a knife flew directly into the man’s hand. A blood-curdling scream erupted from him as he dropped the bottle.

The masked man rushed to her. “Come on, let’s go!”

He easily lifted her up and she ran away with him, her once shaky knees finding the strength to get as far away from the bloody scene as possible. Rain began pouring as she lead the way, taking a right turn towards her apartment, where she knew they’d both be safe should the men decide to go after them. The masked man slowed down, however, and she looked back at him questioningly.

“You keep going,” he told her, his voice surprisingly calm despite the blood on his lips. “I’ll hold them back if it’s necessary.”

“You’re bleeding,” Anna stated lamely, as though that were enough of a reason for him to come with her.

Raindrops fell from her eyelashes each time she blinked and her coat was soaked but she didn’t mind. For the first time, she registered his black latex outfit and the multiple knives he carried across his chest, and it dawned on her that this was the masked vigilante the local newspaper had been raving about.

“At least let me help you,” she went on, tugging his wrist slightly.

The corner of his lips twitched upwards and his voice held a hint of amusement when he spoke, “I’ve received worse beatings, sweetheart. Go.”

Anna opened her mouth to respond but something told her he wasn’t going to budge. She was quick to lean forward and kiss his cheek, feeling as her own face grew a little hot.

“Thank you,” she smiled, before letting go of his arm and doing as she was told, only glancing back once to see him standing there still.

It continued raining for the next two days. Anna, now equipped with a large umbrella and pepper spray, refrained from walking at night by taking a cab home. Her boss, old and bespectacled Mr. Verse, apologized profusely for what happened despite Anna’s insistence that it wasn’t his fault in the slightest and even went on to say she could have the next few days off to enjoy the long weekend.

And she did, in the very Anna way.

As a self-certified homebody, Anna enjoyed rainy days at home. Her one-bedroom apartment was her definition of cozy; it housed more plants than plates, her old but trusty easel sat by the corner next to the fire escape, and her books - both academic ones and the pageturners she adored - were stacked in different areas.

Anna sat cross-legged in front of her easel, wondering whether the shade of blue she had chosen was the right one. Her hair was tied messily atop her head, she had on her favorite stained jeans, and Louis Armstrong played softly in the background. The atmosphere was perfect, the moment so hers, that when a knock came from the fire escape window she let out a loud shriek, nearly falling off the chair.

The masked man stood there, grinning painfully.

“What the hell?” Anna breathed as she opened the window. “How’d you know I live here? Why are you—Are you okay?”

He clutched his arm as he invited himself in (not that Anna did anything to stop him) and sat on the floor against the wall.

“I’m fine,” he rasped out and lifted his hand, revealing blood. Anna gasped.

“That doesn’t look fine!” she responded before dashing to her bathroom where she knew she kept a first aid kit. “What the hell happened?!” she asked loudly, opening every drawer until she finally found it.

“Thieves,” he grunted when Anna returned.

She knelt next to him and lifted his sleeve to the best of her ability to assess the wound — it didn’t look very deep, thankfully, but it would likely require stitches she didn’t have. Anna bit her bottom lip and concentrated on disinfecting the area, oblivious to his stare. Frankly, she had no idea what she was doing, as she wasn’t a nurse, but she knew she at least had to clean it up.

“You paint?” his question made her glance up at him, only to see him looking at the painting in progress.

“As a hobby,” she responded softly, gently dabbing cotton around the gash; she wasn’t the best multitasker. “I started when I was very young and...it kind of stayed with me.”

“You’re good. I don’t know a-anything about painting but...it looks nice.”

That made her smile. Professionals had critiqued her work in multi-paged essays, art professors complimented the way she played with colors to create hazy dreams, and yet it was his simple statement that made her feel oddly proud of what took her days to create.

“You didn’t answer my earlier question,” she said after a minute of silence.

“I don’t tell strangers my secrets.” His smirk turned into a chuckle at her blank expression. “I don’t know your name.”

“And yet you know where I live,” she responded, unable to contain a smile of her own. Anna placed a large cotton pad on the wound and rummaged for tape in the kit. She could feel him looking at her, likely studying every move she made. It was odd — some would say dumb — how comfortable she felt having a masked man in her living room. “It’s Anna; my name’s Anna.”

She gingerly placed tape on the cotton pad, assessing the area one more time to make sure she cleaned up everything she could before she looked at his face. His gaze was fixed on her.

Anna’s fingers twitched slightly as she raised her hands hesitantly. She knew he knew what she was doing, she knew he knew what she wanted to know. He didn’t make a move, didn’t say anything as her fingers reached for the black mask hiding half of his face. Anna licked her dry lips, carefully removing it.

“Diego,” he said softly, unfazed by the reveal of his boyish face. His brown eyes were big, accompanied by scars that proved he’d been doing this for a very long time despite his age.

Anna let out a steady breath as she reached for another cotton round to clean the small gash near his eyebrow.

“Your f-fingers have blood,” Diego said.

Anna smiled. “I’ve gotten worse stains, sweetheart.”

Diego laughed, his chin tipping down, and she joined with a small chuckle, glad he hadn’t forgotten their short exchange a few nights ago.

“You live by yourself?” Diego asked after some time, now looking at her apartment. She briefly wondered if he felt any pain whatsoever.

“I do,” she nodded. “Moved here not too long ago to do my Master’s.”

“Ahh, brainiac,” he teased.

“Hardly,” she laughed.

“Why this city?”

Diego had a way, Anna noticed, of asking things without appearing particularly interested in whether she decided to answer. His voice was naturally broody and sarcastic, carrying the weight of everything he fought against, but if one really paid attention, his syllables moved with a wave of kindness that went directly to Anna’s heart, shushing the anxiety she would normally have around a stranger like him.

“It has one of my best art museums – Stay right there, I’m gonna get you some painkillers.” She stood up and sauntered to the kitchen cabinet where she kept medicine. “I’m studying Art History to become a curator,” – she returned to Diego’s side, giving him a glass of water and two white pills – “Drink.”

Diego studied the pills in his palm as if they had multiplied before his eyes and Anna contained her smile.

“Relax, I still haven’t found the best spots to hide a body,” she said in jest. “New to the city, remember?”

Diego chuckled and swallowed the painkillers at the same time with one long gulp of water. He threw his head back, resting it against the wall with his eyes closed. It felt wrong to talk then, despite all the questions going through Anna’s mind, primarily why he came there in the first place when she assumed he had a safe space; all vigilantes had one, right?

“I made sure you ma-made it home s-s-safely...the other night,” he mumbled, catching her off guard.

The warmth of her cheeks was light but there. Anna’s gaze softened and she looked down at her bloody fingers with a small smile.

“Well, thank you…” she said softly. “You... really got me out of a tough spot.”

“Those guys are assholes,” he grunted, the corner of his lips deepening into a scowl.

Anna nodded, no words necessary to reiterate what was a universal truth. The vinyl playing made a scratching noise that startled her out of the bubble she was in. She glanced at Diego before standing up with a deep breath and going to it; for someone who loved quietness, she’d never been particularly good at handling silence. Anna carefully put away Louis Armstrong’s vinyl but stopped searching for a new artist midway down her collection.

Diego was no longer there.

Anna looked over her shoulder and found his spot empty. For a moment she frowned, a little disappointed until the breeze moved a small note sitting at the windowsill. Anna hurried to it before it flew away and read with a smile Diego’s illegible scribble.

Turn on the lamp if you need me. D

[babethepig]

some present moments of the future

Summary: Dan is always running out of time.

or Phil has a busy boyfriend.

Word count: 2K

Rating: G

Thanks a lot to @insectbah for beta reading this!

Title and quote from this poem.

(read on ao3)

It's enough to close my eyes for stars to rain, your hand here is enough, your lips are enough. -D. J. A.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

Dan is always running out of time, Phil has noticed. He is always running. His chocolate eyes linger on a clock more often than not, like he is on a race against time. Like he needs to be one step ahead. There is no point trying to stop him; Dan’s never slowing down.

“How long do we have?” Phil has learned to ask everytime he sees Dan looking at a clock, a hint of anxiety starting to cloud his gaze. Today, the question comes up when they are laying on bed. Phil just woke up but he can tell Dan has been awake for a while. One of Dan’s legs is trapped between Phil’s and his arm is snaked around Phil’s waist, touching his bare skin under his shirt, fingers tapping like the tick-tock of a clock.

“Like five minutes before I have to get up,” Dan says, and Phil feels himself pout.

“And when are you coming back?”

“Dunno, on Friday, probably.”

Phil’s half asleep brain only can whine at that. “Move in here.”

“We have been over this,” Dan tells him, amusement clear in his tone. “It’s only been three months.”

“That’s a long time,” he argues.

“That’s almost no time.”

“Time’s stupid.”

“Maybe,” is all Dan says.

He doesn’t come back until Friday.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

“Mum wants me to go visit her,” Phil tells Dan over the phone. He has it squished between his shoulder and his ear while he tries to pour the dry ingredients he just mixed with the wet ones.

“That’s nice,” Dan hums on the other side of the line. Phil doesn’t know what Dan is doing but he wishes he was here.

“I guess,” Phil answers distractedly. Some flour escapes the bowl, coating the counter with white dust, and he curses under his breath.

“What happened?”

“Spillage.”

“Oh, dear. What are you even doing?” Dan asks.

“I’m baking,” Phil grunts as he tries to reach the kitchen roll while still holding the bowl and the phone.

“Trying to impress me?”

Phil can almost hear the smirk on his voice.“Nope,” he replies, not missing a beat. “I’m trying to impress Bryony.”

“Do I need to fight her to death for your attention?”

“No, I wouldn’t want you to die,” Phil laughs and puts the empty bowl away.

“Wow, thanks,” Dan deadpans. At that moment Phil hears someone talking to Dan but he can’t make out what they are saying. “Hey, I have to go now. I’ll see you later, okay? I’ll bring wine.”

“Bye,” Phil says to no one.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder,” Dan says playfully. Phil glares at him.

Dan gets up from his desk and away from Phil’s line of vision, so Phil whines, “Where are you going?” while he leans closer to his computer as if it was going to help him to see better.

“I need to get something from my bag,” he yells back.

“How bad is their grammar?” Phil asks when Dan comes back frowning at a bunch of papers.

“Horrific,” he answers, putting the essays back on his desk. “Sorry, I needed to put them here or I would have forgotten that I have to grade them later.”

“You? Forgetting something? Sounds quite impossible.”

“Yeah?” Dan smiles, swinging his chair from side to side.

“You are Mr. Responsibility; you can’t forget about anything,” Phil tells him as he lays down on the bed and curls awkwardly around his laptop.

Dan sits there for a second just looking at Phil through his computer. “I wish you were here,” he says.

Phil closes his eyes tightly and turns away from the camera's focus because he is still trying to get used to Dan’s sudden bursts of affection via heavily charged confessions in the middle of the night.

“Come back,” Dan says, laughing quietly.

Phil complies. “I miss you,” he mumbles against his arm and looks at Dan through his lashes.

“Me too.” Dan bites his lip. “You’ll be back in three days.”

“Three days is too much time,” Phil complains.

“Time is stupid,” Dan tells him, a little smile dancing on his lips and one of his dimples showing up.

“Yeah,” Phil sighs, “it is.”

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

“You’ll have to help me check grammar on the papers I received today,” Dan says, putting down his phone and reaching for the warm cup of tea that Phil is offering him.

Phil huffs as if he actually minds helping Dan and plops down beside him on the small couch of the Starbucks that they are in. Dan’s free arm immediately finds its place over Phil’s shoulders.

“I feel like I’m going to die; I can’t with finals’ season.” Dan tilts his head back against the couch. Phil plants a chaste kiss on his exposed throat and Dan turns his head towards him. “Tell me something?” he asks quietly, sweetly.

“Last night I had a dream.” Phil pauses to sip at his coffee. “I was driving and -” Dan gives him a look. “I know I can’t drive, let me finish,” he rolls his eyes playfully, “so I was on this long, desert road and suddenly I saw someone asking for a ride so obviously, I pulled over -- don’t look at me like that. As the person came closer I noticed it was Martyn.”

“No,” Dan gasps, faking surprise, and Phil kicks him weakly.

“And I knew he was my brother but apparently, he didn’t. So the whole ride I tried to make him remember me.”

“That sounds stressful.”

“It was at first! But then, we arrived where he needed to be and he got out of the car, and I was watching him go…”

“Like a creep.” Dan interrupts him. “You always do that.”

“Whatever,” Phil shoves his elbow against Dan’s rib cage, “I was watching him, and he turned around and asked ‘Dibbit?’ and then we had a moment, we hugged. It was nice at the end.”

“Dibbit?” Dan asks fondly.

“Yeah, when I was younger I couldn’t say Philip so I called myself Dibbit instead.”

“That’s cute,” Dan says with that high pitched voice that he reserves for cute animals and Phil.

They carry on with their conversation for a while, drinking their beverages and just enjoying their time together. They plan the things they are going to do later as they are free for the rest of the day, but then Dan’s phone rings.

“Yes, Mara?” he asks. Phil notices immediately that he is annoyed. At least Dan is as upset with the interruption as Phil himself is. “Can’t anyone else do that? I’m kind of busy right now.” Dan listens to what the other person is saying and Phil watches him. In the end, he sighs deeply, “I’ll go but I have to leave at six.” Dan waits. “I know, it’s fine. I’ll see you there.”

Dan looks at him, defeated. “I am very sorry.”

“It’s okay, I understand. You are the big boss, you have to do things.”

“Oh dear, I’m not even the big boss. You would have already dumped me if I was, I’d never see you.”

“I wouldn’t,” Phil protests.

“Ugh, being the department coordinator and a professor sucks,” he complains again. “I’ll make it up to you, I swear.”

Phil shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

Dan ignores him. “I’ll bring dinner to yours and tomorrow we can do whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?” Phil asks, and Dan nods. “Okay then, go. I’ll be waiting for you.”

Dan stands up and leans back down to plant a kiss on Phil’s forehead before he leaves.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

Phil wakes up to his phone buzzing. He taps around the bed, blindly looking for it.

“Hello?” he asks, disorientated.

“Where are you?”

“Uh? Dan?”

“Yes, it’s me. Where are you? I came to your cubicle and someone told me you felt poorly and had to leave.”

“Oh! Yeah, I’m at home. I had a migraine,” Phil explains as he sits up against the headboard.

“Why didn’t you call me?” Dan’s voice quivers.

“You were in a meeting.”

“I guess, but I wanna know things like this. What if you fainted in the middle of the street?” Dan’s voice raises slightly.

“I took a taxi, it’s fine. I should have texted you, sorry.”

Dan’s voice softens at that, “Sorry, it’s not your fault anyway. I canceled my classes for the rest of the day.”

“What?” That takes Phil aback. Dan never does stuff like canceling classes.

“I’m on my way. I’ll be there in twenty, get ready for some quality boyfriend time.”

“I’m always ready for quality time with my boyfriend,” Phil says, a big grin appearing immediately on his face.

“Good.”

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

The next week, Phil is sipping his half warm cocktail, then looking at the condensations forming on the glass, one lonely drop sliding down until it reaches the wooden counter of the bar.

“Can I buy you a drink?” a familiar voice asks behind Phil, “I saw you here all alone and I couldn’t resist coming to you.”

“I don’t know,” Phil looks over his shoulder, “that would make my boyfriend sad.”

“Yeah?” Phil nods. “And where is he?”

“He is at work. My boyfriend is a very responsible guy,” Phil says proudly.

“And you love him?”

“Plenty.”

Dan breaks out in a big smile and leans into Phil, hiding his face in the crook of his neck.

“I love you,” he mumbles against Phil’s skin.

“Mate, I just met you,” he teases. Dan shoves him.

“Shut up.”

“How was work?”

“It was okay, my students talked me out of assigning them another paper due on Monday, and you know what? That was for the best.”

“Great, now you’ve set the expectations too high for everyone else, thanks Dan,” Phil complains halfheartedly.

“I’m a chill professor. What can I tell you?” he shrugs.

Dan then calls the bar attendant and asks for drinks for the both of them. A comfortable silence settles between them while Phil finishes his cocktail and Dan looks at the people sitting around the pub.

“Can it be the hols already?” Dan says after he takes a sip of his drink.

“Do you have big plans?”

“Well, work but also cuddle the fuck out of you and other stuff with you.”

“I like the sound of that.” Phil hides his smile behind his glass.

“That’s good, otherwise my plans would be ruined.”

They chat and drink the night away and maybe Phil does a little too much of drinking. He is tipsy when they leave the pub, giggling at everything while Dan holds his arm firmly so he doesn’t trip.

“Daniel,” he says.

“Philip.”

“Can I ask you something?” He attempts to put on a serious expression.

“Yeah.”

“Why are you always running?” Phil whispers.

“What do you mean?” Dan frowns.

“I don’t know, I feel like you always are racing.”

“Racing?”

Phil nods frantically. “I feel like I can’t catch up,” he confesses.

“Sorry, I guess,” Dan says, probably not understanding what Phil is trying to say.

“No, no. I know you are busy and I love you because you’re so committed to doing what you like and I admire you for that.” Dan stays quiet. “I just wish I could see you more.”

“Phil…”

“I know we have been over this, but now it’s been six months! That is a long time isn’t it?” Phil starts rambling. “I only want to be with you as much as possible.”

“Phil.”

“I have never wanted that with anyone before. I swear I’m not trying to guilt trip you, I’m just letting you know because…”

“Phil, stop!” Dan shouts. He doesn’t look mad so Phil shuts up and waits. “Ask me if I want to move in with you,” he commands.

“Do you want to move in with me?” Phil repeats dumbfoundedly.

“Yes.”

Phil’s half drunk brain might not totally comprehend how this happened but he sure as hell breaks into a big grin and throws himself into Dan’s open arms.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

“Can we turn this into a proper office?” Dan asks as he puts a box on the desk in the guest room in Phil’s apartment. Their apartment. “We can get rid of the bed and put your desk here on the opposite wall so we can work together. I think you would like that since you only ever want to breathe the air that I exhale.”

Phil rolls his eyes lightheartedly and shoves Dan away.

“To answer your question, yes we can get rid of the bed, but only if we can have an office pet.”

“An office pet?” Phil nods. “Are we even allowed to have pets here?”

“A turtle!”

“What? No, turtles are boring.”

“They are not!” Phil frowns and sticks his tongue out at Dan. “I can’t believe I’m gonna be a single father.” He dramatically puts his hand to his heart and turns his back to Dan.

“You are a big idiot,” Dan says, but he still wraps his arms around Phil’s waist.

“So you are not gonna leave me alone with our turtle child?”

“I never agreed to the turtle!”

“Fine,” Phil turns around in Dan’s embrace, “we can have a fish then.”

“Yeah,” Dan muses, “a big, pretty and colorful fish.”

“Its name is gonna be Milo.”

“Now who is moving too fast?” Dan asks amusedly.

“Catch up, boring turtle.” Phil leans forward and pecks Dan’s lips repeatedly.

Dan turns his face to the side and Phil’s lips land on his cheek instead. Phil follows Dan’s gaze; he is looking at the clock.

“How long do we have?” Phil asks, just because.

“As long as we want.”

[notsoguiltykpop]

FIRST LEMMA SAY hot cocoa is so cute!! and the latest to the tenth floor OMMFMFgbut anyways a while ago i said you inspired me to get back in writing but do you have any tips? i find that i write like, three sentences an hour >_

I’m so happy you liked it!! I honestly don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to writing, but I can definitely try to give you some tips I’ve found work for me! 

My number one rule for myself is to try not to edit while I type. Nothing slows me down more than trying to fix mistakes as I go. Don’t worry about how stuff is spelled or even basic grammar to begin with, just focus on getting your thoughts down. When I’m struggling to keep going and keep changing my mind about how/what I’m writing, I turn off spell check and grammarly so the red underlined words don’t distract me. Alternatively, I grab a notebook and pen so I can’t keep re-wording and just write (unrelated, but I also do this with timed essays in college because I have to work with what I’ve already written, and then I edit while I transfer it from paper to a word document.).

If what you’re working on isn’t going the way you want, don’t feel bad about setting it aside. Sometimes the words just aren’t flowing for a story, and that’s normal. Admin Bread recently reminded me that Jordan Peele stopped writing “Get Out” more than twenty times. While I don’t recommend quitting, I do think it can be really helpful to work on something else if you get stuck on a part. I write snippets of a nameless couple’s life when I feel like writing but none of the stories I want to work on are going quite right. Sometimes even just typing out how I feel helps to get the words flowing!

I never time myself, per se. Years ago, back when I first tried NaNoWriMo, all my friends told me that the best way to write fast was to set a timer and write as many words as possible. This never worked for me–I ended up with random words that usually didn’t even relate to what I was originally trying to say. This doesn’t mean it won’t work for you, only that if it doesn’t, that’s okay too! Instead, I like to set aside designated time to write. Like I’ll look at the time and say “I’m going to focus on writing for the next hour,” put my phone on silent, and close the other tabs on my computer. I take breaks, but they’re usually to make more tea/coffee or stretch, avoiding looking at apps/notifications so I don’t get distracted. 

If I’m at a loss for ideas of what to write next, there are a number of things I do! Prompt blogs are a great place to start–I recently discovered @hellsdemonictrinity and highly recommend checking them out!

Most of my series ideas come from asking myself strange questions, and answering them with illogical answers that are way too detailed. For instance, I have this one Hoseok wip that all started because I was looking at laundry lines and asked my sister “Okay but what if you hang up your laundry and your neighbor just keeps stealing your socks?? Only the left one’s, of course. What would you do? Leave notes in them asking them politely to cut it out?” She told me to shut up, but I just kept on until I had this whole story about neighbors stealing socks and starting a passive-aggressive note-leaving war that eventually leads to romance lmao. Anyway my point is, asking yourself questions can help with the creative process. If I’m in the middle of something and get stuck, asking “why is she feeling this way?” Or “what if he secretly loves elephant plushies?” can lead to some fun answers that get me going again.

Story planners are also really helpful for me! I get terribly sidetracked lol (one minute I’m writing about JK the race-car driver, the next I’m off on some tangent about Jimin the adorable cop whose best friend is a drug dealer rip I get so off topic), and knowing exactly where I’m trying to go with something helps with that! When I find myself just staring blankly at the page like “where am I supposed to go from here?” or just can’t get the words out, I can look back at it and see a clear path of what happens next. There are some great apps out there for free to help with this, but I usually just grab a piece of paper and sketch out a basic outline of the main points.

I keep a notebook with me at all times to jot down ideas or funny phrases as they come to me, so when I’m writing slow I can look back at them. 

I do try to write every day, but not always for stories. Recently I’ve been emailing colleges constantly and working on transfer essays which have taken up most of my writing time. 

And of course, don’t pressure yourself. Writing can be therapeutic and relaxing, but if you get too caught up in “I have to finish this chapter today” or “I need to write 2k words every day” it gets stressful and the fun drains right out of it. I find that I’m much more productive when I simply write what I feel like when I feel like it rather than give myself unnecessary deadlines.

I am not a professional, and have so much more to learn, but I hope some of these helped! Sorry it’s so long, I was trying to think of as much as possible that I do that might answer your questions. Every writer is different, and it’s really a matter of trial and error to figure out what works for you. If there’s anything else I can help with please feel free to ask!

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

Worth it - Sirius Black x Reader

Request: Could you write a Sirius x reader where she is like the guys’ little sister and once he walks in on her changing and sort of falls in love and starts seeing her as more than a friend? Warnings: My English. Gifs aren’t mine. Credits to their original owners. Word Count~ 2k MASTERLIST Pending Requests

It was always the five of you. Always had been and always will be. You were family. They were your loving and overprotective brothers and you were their little sister. You loved them and their crazy ways. You would fight anyone who dared to mess with them; except Lily. She could mess up with James and his big ego as much as she wanted to. You knew about Remus and his “furry little problem” as James had named it. You were the one who suggested that you must become Animagi to keep him company and prevent him from hurting himself. He was furious at you but forever grateful as well and honestly, a bit proud. You were a package deal. You would stick with each other no matter what. You were aware of Peter’s issue with his confidence and you tried your best to help him any way you could. You helped him with his assignments and his essays; you helped him with Mary. Boy, he was in love with her. You tried to boost his self-esteem as much as you could. He was thankful and he was always kind and sweet to you.  You knew about Sirius and his so-called family. You were the one that got him to eat and sleep and function like a human being. James had tried but failed. Sirius hadn’t even let him inside the room; he never did. It was you who got to see him like that. It was you who got to help him and clean up his wounds. His ‘mother’ hadn’t let him leave without a fight. You knew that she had used the cruciatus curse on him. He had never cried before but that night he did. And you were the one to hold him and hug him tightly. You were the one to help him sleep. And somewhere between being his sister and being his friend… You fell for him. But you kept it quiet and you buried it six feet under. Someplace you never visited in the very depths of your mind. You would never jeopardize your friendship with him for your stupid feelings. And you knew he didn’t feel the same. Mainly because he always called you 'sis’ and he slept with everyone else. He had every girl (and boy) he wanted. It wasn’t that you weren’t beautiful. You were. Or at least, that was what the boys told you. You could have many dates. But with the Marauders as your friends… Well, they were intimidating and they had probably sworn to never let you go out. Sometimes it was sweet but sometimes was awful. It felt like every time you thought that you would get over him… Nope. Just nope. You had worn a black crop top and a pair of black shorts. You knew that it wasn’t your uniform but it was Saturday and you were visiting Hogsmeade. If you didn’t wear shorts now, you would never get to wear them. Your hair was down and natural and you had a hint of makeup applied on your face. Just a bit of eyeliner and lipstick. You were stepping down the stairs to the common room when somebody halted you. “What on earth are you wearing?” James asked you shamelessly with one eyebrow arched. You mimicked his expression before answering him. “Clothes, Jay. Clothes” you informed him, amazed by his overprotectiveness. “Go change and put in something that actually covers you. Please”. If he hadn’t added that 'please’ and if his tone wasn’t almost concerned, you would have yelled at him. However, since he was a sweetheart, you just rolled your eyes, low-key happy that you had a brother, and raised an eyebrow. “Only because you asked nicely, Jay” you told him kindly. It felt good to know that someone wanted you to be safe and protected. He smiled brightly and told you that he was going to wait in the common room for the guys. Once you got back to your room though and opened your wardrobe, you realized that you had nothing to wear. Like what were you supposed to choose? The little black dress or the everyday jeans? Damn you, James! You took off the clothes you were wearing and paced back and forth in your room. You were alone, so you didn’t care that you were only in your lingerie. A beautiful, silky, mauve set of underwear. And if you wanted to be honest that bra made your chest look awesome. You never really understood that someone was indeed in the same room with you. That, someone had come up to ask you what was taking so long. That, someone was staring at your figure with a slightly gaping mouth. That someone saw you for the first time like a… Woman. You never understood any of this. You were too caught up to notice his gray eyes roaming your body, staying on your bum a lot longer. You didn’t notice that he was having trouble deciding whether to let you know that he was there or continue to stare at you and leave at some point before he got caught. You didn’t know that his mind had stopped working and started screaming at him. What am I thinking? Why am I looking at her while she is almost naked? She is like my sister! a voice reprimanded him. But another voice, a soft and a bit bitter was whispering that he was one of the luckiest men alive-you weren’t really his sister, after all. He crept out of the room. You hadn’t realized a thing. You were still trying to find what to wear.

Months had gone by but he couldn’t help himself. He was thinking about that day, playing the scene on repeat so many times that your shape had been engraved in his mind. He was sure that he could trace all the patterns on your skin, that he could find your soft spots even in the dark. He was in a very difficult place. Not only he was actually falling in love- Sirius Black, in love?; it sounded ridiculous because he had never, ever, had that kind of feeling- but he was falling in love with someone, who up until that moment he thought of as a sister. He had noticed everything about you. The way your eyes would twinkle with mischievousness every time you liked a prank idea or the way they would look away and stare into space every time you were lost in your mind. The way your lips- those full, plump lips that he longed to taste- would turn into a genuine smile or a smirk or a forced one. He noticed that they were different. Whenever you forced a smile, your eyes wouldn’t smile- they were cold and distant. The way you bit your bottom lip in concentration. The way you played with your hair. They way your scent was so intoxicating; like caramel and sandalwood and something else, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. The way your shirt was tightly hugging your chest and a couple of buttons were undone. The way that your skirt was a bit too short, or the way it would ride up your thighs, leaving them exposed. The way your skin was always so smooth and seemed to be perfect. The way your elegant and slender fingers would turn the pages of a book or actually touch him. He was electrified every time you touched him. He knew when your happy, sad, excited or… well, there was one feeling he didn’t know what it was. You were usually around him when you were in that ‘mood’.  At first, he thought that it was just because you were thinking about him just as a friend- a great friend or even a brother(he hated that last one)-but he noticed that you weren’t like that around the others and he felt doomed. Maybe you didn’t even like him as a friend, after all. Maybe you had a thing for Remus- well, that would make sense. You were always sitting close to him and you were touching each other and hugging and you had a tendency of falling asleep on his shoulder and he always looked so happy around you and- Stop it! When he suggested it and tried to ask him about it, Remus laughed. Because, Remus knew. He was way too clever not to notice the way you kept looking at his friend when you thought that nobody was paying attention to you. Or all the other things you would do unconsciously whenever Padfoot was around. Sirius had frowned at the werewolf. What did it mean? He didn’t leave him alone until Remus actually told him that you and he were friends-siblings really and that the feeling was mutual. The gray-eyed boy was a bit relieved. And then it hit him. You weren’t acting differently around him because you didn’t like him- you had the different ‘aura’ exactly because you liked him. Well, maybe. But he had already concocted a plan and it was worth a try. You witnessed the sudden change and you were puzzled. Why on earth would he be even more touchy and since when did he use his infamous pickup line and smirk on you? It made you feel even worse. He probably didn’t do it on purpose, you thought. How naïve… He kept pushing and pushing his luck until one day, you exploded. You were in the boys’ dorm but it was only him and Merlin, he was shirtless and-no. No, no, no, no. He was bottomless as well. No pants. No briefs. Nothing. Nada. Naked. You immediately turned around. He is gifted after all said that annoying voice inside your head. You were red-not pink, red- and embarrassed but if you wanted to be honest, happy because let’s face it, when would you get to see him like that again? Never. “Oops. Didn’t see you there” he said but you could hear the sarcasm in his nonchalant tone. He wasn’t sorry. Well, who would be with a body like that? You heard the sound of a zipper and thank Merlin when you turned he had his pants on and he tried to button his shirt. Without any success. He looked at you and pouted. “Help a poor soul, miss?” he asked you, mockingly and playfully simultaneously. You? Touch his torso while he had nothing to cover it? You gulped hard but complied- like you were in a haze. With shaky hands, you tried to button his shirt but well… he took your hands in his and locked eyes with you. “Why so nervous? It’s just me, love” he said softly. “That’s the problem” you whispered under your breath but he heard it. He also heard your heart beating faster and faster. He wanted to kiss you. Like, right now. Was that worth it? Was it worth to ruin a friendship like that for something like that?   Yes, yes it was. Because he didn’t want you as a friend. Not anymore. And you felt the same. And he knew it. Or at least, hoped so. He kissed you and everything seemed so far away and so distant and unimportant. His lips were soft and hot on yours; he did taste like smoke and honey, like sin. His hands cupped your face and yours roamed his toned torso. Merlin, you had been dreaming of this way too long. But this time, reality had over won the dream. It was a million times better.  

Tags : @starsepot @kapolisradomthoughts @nadinissavage

[jggukgcf]

Locked

Genre: Fluff/Kinda Angsty

Student!au

Fuckboy!au

Characters: Jungkook/reader(female)

Words: 2k

Warnings: Swearing and Bullying.

A/N: 10, 36, 44 jungkook, boyxgirl student!au & fuckboy!au something fluffy where the girl is really shy and kinda scared of kookie because he is your local fuckboy and really not that nice but he secretly likes her and wants to be her friend enemies/strangers to lovers or something like that keep up the great work, your blog is lovely!

10. “you’re cute when you’re angry”

36. “your laugh is the most beautiful thing I’ve heard”

44. “you never have to be afraid of me”

“Well, look who we have here.” you hear the familiar annoying voice fill your eardrums as the footsteps get closer to your locker. You roll your eyes while switching out your math book for the science. “Okay, maybe if you just ignore him, he’ll go away.” you thought to yourself, hoping that maybe he wasn’t talking about you. But sure enough, it was you that he was targeting. “How are you doing today cutie?” he was leaning against the locker next to yours with that annoying smirk on his face.

All you wanted to do was smack that stupid look off his face. He’s always an ass to you for no logical reason, he’d make jokes about you or find something to tease you about. Whether it was your hair that day, or how he saw you working at the shop on the weekend he never failed to find something. With how mean he was to you, it made the event that happened last week even more confusing.

You walked from first period to second, keeping your head low. Jungkook hasn’t found you yet today and you were hoping to keep it that way. Not paying attention to what was in front of you, you bump into someone causing your books to fall from your arms. You quickly look up to bow, saying that you're sorry for not watching where you were going, after bending down to pick up your books that had fell. You go to reaching for your science book but to your surprise, it's kicked out from under your hand down the hallway. Looking up Sunny looking down at you.

“Oops I must have kicked it by accident, my bad.” she laughed, if you weren’t already sold on the fact that it was done on purpose, then the tone of her voice would have told you. But you just simply ignored her, just trying to pick up all your books before you caused any more problems. Getting up from the ground you see a boy about 6’4” staring at you. “So you’re the dork that just bumped into my girlfriend”

“Yes, and I’m sorry but if you could excuse me I’d like to get to class,” you said trying to walk around him only to be pulled back by him. He slammed you into the locker that was behind you, causing you to drop your books again as you hit the surface, you winced as pain shot up your back making you fall to your knees. At this point, everyone was looking in your direction, although the pain in your back was distracting you from the embarrassment this was causing.

“Get up bitch!” he yelled, you tried to move but the shooting pain caused you stop. “Hey, didn’t you hear what I just said?” he moved his hand down to grab the collar of your shirt, you start preparing yourself for the pain of being pulled up when you Jungkook’s voice coming from down the hall.

“Hey, didn’t you realize that maybe she doesn’t care you said?” Jungkook said, lucky causing him to let go of my shirt as he moved over to stand in front of Jungkook, making the height difference very obvious.

“Who the fuck asking what you thought little boy?” he asked taking a step closer to Jungkook, lucky the bell rang sending everyone on their way to second class. “You’re lucky this time.” he babbled on, slowing moving away from Jungkook.

“Whatever you say, but if I were you I’d get to class before you end up in detention for the fourth time this week,” Jungkook stated, waiting for the boy to turn the corner before he walked over to you asking you were okay.

“My back-” you winced. Before you were able to try and say anything else he had picked you up bridal style, carrying you to the nurse's office. He stayed with you while the nurse was looking after you and even took you home early, making sure to pick up all your books. For someone who annoyed you 24/7, he was really sweet when he wanted to be.

“I was doing just fine till you showed up,” you mumbled just loud enough for him to hear. Now just throwing stuff around your locker, in hopes that he’ll leave before you’re done, even though you know that’s probably not going to happen. You usually try to keep to yourself, not talking to many people which works because no one really talks to you. At least till Jungkook showed up. After moving here last year, he’d flirt with every girl he could and actually had a girlfriend within the first few days of being here, not that it lasted more than a week though. That’s how all his relationships went, if they weren’t one night stands they lasted no more than a week or two. You really could blame everyone wanting to get with him though, no matter how much you disliked Jungkook he’s very good looking, even you can’t lie on that one.

No matter how hot he was though, it didn’t change the fact that he always found a way to annoy you. It also didn’t matter how many girls he had trying to get into his pants, if you were around he didn’t seem to care about them. Only forcing his attention on you, probably trying his best to mess with you. “Oh come on baby, I know you're excited to see me.” he smiled showing his two front teeth that almost made him look bunny like. You shoved your head back into your locker, realizing that he’s not going to leave, having to try to figure out what plan B is going to be. Looking around, you quickly noticed that you left your essay for science in your last class. You close your locker, turn around and walk away not even looking at Jungkook, but you knew that he was quickly following behind you. “Hey, where are you going?”

“I left my essay in the math room. Why are you following me?” you answered his question with one of your own, walking fast so could go get your essay without being late for your next class.

“I just thought a pretty lady like yourself should have someone walk her to class,” he smirked, making you hate the fact that it made him look even hotter than he already is. You kept walking, deciding to just ignore him and whatever he was trying to get from you. Once you stepped into the classroom you saw the (f/c) folder sitting on your desk, leaving Jungkook’s side, walking over to the desk as you hear the door slam shut. You turn around to see Jungkook with his hands up as to say “I didn’t do that”, you run over to the door finding that it was locked, your essay was soon forgotten in your mind.

“Shit,” you groan, messing with the doorknob hoping that it’s jammed and will come loose. “Why the hell did you close it?” you question him.

“Hey, I didn’t even touch the door, but I do have to say that you’re cute when you’re angry,” he said stepping closer to you so you were trapped between him and the wall. He moved his arm up to rest on the wall beside your head, realizing how muscular he is while you eyed his forearm, also realizing how much hotter it made him. In the short time that you had been locked in this room, he had already taken off his dark red blazer and had the sleeves of his white button down rolled up, cursing whoever thought school uniforms were a good idea.

“J-Jeon I would move away if I w-”

“Why should I?” he interrupted moving his face even closer to yours, making your breath hitch as you flinched back. What was he trying to get from this? Was he just trying to embarrass you? He must have seen the frightened look in your eyes because next thing you know his hands on your chin making you look him in the eyes. “Hey, you never have to be afraid of me, okay?”

“W-Why are you like this?” you breathed nervously, looking down at the floor.

“What do you mean by that babygirl?” he stepped away from your body, letting you move away from the wall.  

“I mean, why is it always me? Why are you always after me, always annoying me every chance, always finding ways so you can ruin every good moment I have? Why do you always have to go out of your way to embarrass me, or always find something to tease me about? But you know what the worst part about this is? No matter how many times you annoying me, tease me, make fun of me, or embarrass me. It doesn’t change the fact that I’ve fallen for you, I’ve fallen so hard and I hate myself for it. Why do you have to always be so charming, good looking, funny. You’re always such an ass to me yet I still get butterflies when I see you. I hate when you call names like babygirl or cutie but it makes my heart beat a thousand time faster. I hate how you stand up for me when someone's bothering me and how you’re actually really nice. I hate you but I can’t help but love you at the same time.” you barely got the last words out of your mouth before he moved his body close to yours taking his lips on yours. It surprised you at first, not responding to the kiss right away. You were shocked, not knowing what to do or why he was kissing you. You mind ran with questions.

Just as Jungkook was about to pull away, you started kissing back. He moved one to the side of your face while the other was on your waist. The kiss was passionate and rough, your tongues fought for dominance. Both of his hands moved to your waist to pick you up, sitting you on the desk that was behind you and moving in between your legs.

“I should've done this a long time ago if that's how you kiss,” he whispered against your lips, making you giggle while pulling away from the kiss. “But no in all seriousness, (Y/n) I really like and have for quite awhile now. I don’t know why I treat you like I do, but I that I love when ever I get to see you smile. Would you maybe like to go on a date with me this weekend?” at this point he was blushing with his bunny teeth showing. You couldn’t help but smile at him.

“This isn’t going to be one of your one night stands or a two thing?” you question him, mainly for the fact that you got to tease him for it.

“Of course not babygirl,” he said while laughing. You enjoyed this side of Jungkook, all giggly and happy, it almost makes you think of a little kid. “So how about it, will you go out with me (Y/n)?”

“Yeah, I’ll go out with you Jungkook.” you giggled, pulling him down to kiss you again, this time it was less rough and more soft and sweet, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck pulling him closer to you.

He pulled away looking you in the eyes, “Did you know that your laugh is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Just shut up and kiss me you hopeless romantic.” he leaned back in taking your lip once again. Your hands tangled in his dark chocolate brown hair while his rest just above your ass, lightly grabbing it. The idea of getting to science to hand in your essay was forgotten and most likely not going to pop into either of your minds anytime soon. Hell, this was so much better than learning about Polyatomic Ions anyways.

I didn’t make the reader that afraid of Jungkook but I hope that it’s still okay.

-Masterlist

-Inbox

[pineapple-scribbles]

Bullet Mates (Part 3)

Part 1🍍     Part 2🍍

A/N: Currently trying to tame the stress of writing art college essays, and making portfolios. If anyone else is getting stressed, I’d just write it all out, this series is a life saver for my anxiety. Even if you don’t like writing, using a private journal can help. 

Rating: Mature

Au: Mafia/Soulmate

Warning: Violence and mild sexual themes. Also, includes colorful language.

Word Count: +2k

Shuffling through the drawers I pulled out some joggers and a slightly fitted running shirt. I had to dress how a man would when working out, but It couldn’t be too tight fitting or else it would give me away.

Checking the clock, it was about 4:45 when I was done getting dressed, and tying up my shoulder-length hair. I had tried mulling through all of my fighting moves that didn’t involve weaponry, fast kills or harming a sparring partner. I settled on bluffing, making sure they thought I was useless in combat. They’d have to teach me their style of fighting or change the course of my training. Usually, Mafia families had their doctors out of sight, and protected, much like their bosses. It wasn’t rare that they did have some trained though, just not recommended.

Since I didn’t know where I’d be training today, I stayed put till Jooyoung set someone to retrieve me. About five minutes later, someone’s rapped on the door. ‘Oh please don’t be that chick. Please, please.’ I open the door, letting out a breath of relief.

A young man slightly older than me, stood flashing a teasing smile. His hair was an auburn shade, parted neatly, but he had a striking seductive undertone about him that made me wary. He was very handsome, and seemingly down to earth that he presents no immediate threat. “Daejung right? My name is Baekhyun, I can show you to the training facility.” setting off to the direction of where I walked towards the dining room this morning.

Spacing myself slightly behind him, he led us through the house. With an abrupt left turn, he started down a set of hardwood stairs. The walls were painted baby blue, there were yet again smaller paintings strung down the walkway. Once at the bottom of the stairs, it seemed we were on the second to last floor. The floor had different rooms that varied in purpose. One held weapons, high tech equipment and types of obstacle courses. There were about 20 people within the area, all of them doing separate training.

That’s when I noticed him, Jooyoung was about 12 feet from me. Shirtless. I nearly choked on air, his core muscles rippled as he landed a punch to his sparring partners stomach. His body glistened. Then he followed with an uppercut, which was dogged. He was expecting this,  leading with a forceful kick that brought his opponent’s feet out from under him, landing on the mat like a sack of potatoes. His bullet wound was tightly bandaged, it didn’t seem to bother him. My own was calming down.

Jooyoung had him pinned down, in that moment I began to imagine self underneath him. I bit my bottom lips to stop myself from moaning out loud. Refocusing, Jooyoung had helped the man up. He grinned widely, speaking to him most likely about his improvements. Once he was done, he turned towards us.

The closer he walked, the easier I could see his tattoos. Splashes of red, black and hints of green were present on his arm taking the shape of geometric roses and an elegant figure.  There were a few others on his skin, but I didn’t get the chance to really see them.

Baekhyun bowed at him, I knew I’d have to as well. I grit my teeth and bowed in respect. “Go help Kara with her weaponry training will you Baekhyun?” Jooyoung asserted. Baekhyun didn’t even hesitate with the request. In seconds he was gone. This also left me essentially alone with him.  “Alright, before we get started we need to test to see what you know.” he persisted. ‘Bring it on’ I snickered, If I could actually show him my skills, oh man he’d probably lose his shit.

He took me into a different mat room, there stood another man. He had a buzz cut hairstyle, his arms were covered with tattoos. He looked so stern I thought he’d crack the wall with just a look.

Already seeming a weakness in him, before we spar. He could definitely outmuscle me, but he was slower than me. I check his stance, his left knee had gone lax more so than his right. Most of his weight was shifted to his right, knowing this I would expect him to set right before attacking, but so he has a worn out left kneecap. One twist and he’d be down.

Jooyoung motioned to where I’d stand, and then indicated to start the fight to the large man. He jumped the gun, stepping right and going right for my upper body. I shifted right as he lunged. Then It hit me, if I could just dodge his moves, I can exhaust him. I would need no use of violence, which will show no threat.

I watched him closely, evading each punch, and blocking a kick he sent my way. I relied solely on my body movement, keeping my maneuvers fluid and smooth. It has been a while since I’ve sparred, but never had I gone completely on defense. I could see the interest forming in Jooyoung’s eyes. He was carefully watching my every move.

His gaze set my skin ablaze, I felt even more determined to show him what I got. I didn’t even know my mind was elsewhere till I heard a sharp crunch, suddenly blood flowed down my face. I let him distract me so much so, that the guy landed a punch that broke my nose from the impact. It burned from the bone being out of place.

My vision began to take on a shade of red, I wanted to break his giant ass neck right here and now. I stared him down, not taking my eyes off him I set my nose back in place, wiping the blood with the back of my hand. Bottling the rage, I converted to adrenaline and circled around him. Taunting him, slowly taking the bait, feet shifted and then lunge. Taking his force, I used it against him. I propelled myself into the air and used him as a weight to get behind him.

He tripped over himself, seeing I was nowhere near him. Suddenly it was fair game now, he was down and getting up would be slower because of his knee that I pinned him there till Jooyoung called it. “Christ! I should make you one of my enforcers instead of a Doctor”. He suggested. It was a notion I needed to avoid, I couldn’t exhibit further than my defense skills. “ I think it’s for the best I don’t sir, I dislike any form of violence.” I detested, Jooyoung didn’t press further on it but he was still evidently very curious. “ I wonder why that is, your form and defensive maneuvers are almost flawless even though you don’t like to fight?” he persisted for more answers. ‘I think fast, what backstory fits my alias?’ I tried to come up with a response. ‘Ah, I got !’

Looking up at him, I didn’t let any of my tells come out that could indicate that I was lying. “When I was a child, I wasn’t the most sociable kid, it made me an easy target.  Until my parents found out, then I was forced into defensive classes.” I knew he was searching for a weak spot, I could see it in his calculating eyes.  What I said wasn’t completely a lie. When my parents passed away, my aunt was working in the council, deciding to take me under her wing.  Mostly because I’d always come back home with a freshly bruised eye,  busted lip and less money that I had when I left the morning of.

I relaxed when he retreated out the door, stopping just for a moment. “Alistair takes her to  the obstacle course, I need to take care of something.” He rushed out, I thought it was odd how his voice had become slightly shaky. “What obstacle is he talking about?” I inquired. Alister turned towards me, responding in short sentences. “You’ll see”. His voice was very deep, that it was almost too hard to understand. ‘Man of few words. How helpful’ I wasn’t going to get anything out of him.  When we went to the obstacle room, just before I can open the door my wounded shoulder became tender, my body was rising in temperature.

While Alistair was walking in, I moved the collar of my shirt to examine the laceration. I carefully peeled the bandage, overnight his wound had become infected. ‘Fuck, I forgot about the bullet I used’ I became aware of the emergency situation. The bullets have a chemical compound used to cause targets that don’t immediately die from the contact to be affected by the infection that sets in.

I ran to Alister, my eyes wild and frightened. He and I could die before the days ends. “Where is Mr.Kim! It’s very important I see him.” Alistair furrowed his brows in confusion. “What do you mean? “ He asked, I was beginning to get pissed. “Where is he! The bullet could have been laced with something, and I hadn’t thought of it until now!” I yelled, he immediately took my arm without another word and rushed us upstairs.

The rooms seemed to blur together, he stopped abruptly at a wood door much like the one at his study. Alister knocked on the door, but we heard no answer. He was about to try again when I walked past him, turning the knob. He was about to halt me, but as the door opened you could see Jooyoung unconscious near the bathroom. Running towards him, I placed my head on his chest. I heard his strong heartbeat, but his faint breathing was an indicator of serious problems.

Turning my attention to Alistair, who was losing his shit, I ordered him. “Get my duffle bag, some rubbing alcohol, and a drip. “ Apparently not hearing me from shock, this time a yelled. “Get your ass going, Now!” This time he ran out of the room as if he caught fire.

Jooyoung yet again was in a dire situation, his lips were cracked from dehydration, and his face was drained ghostly pale. I lightly shook him, there was no sign of acknowledgment. “Jooyoung wake up!” I shook him again, each minute that went by increased my fear. I felt his faint aura but he wasn’t fully in tune with reality.

My mind was clouded, I’ve never been this scared since the day an officer had gone to my house, notifying me that my parents died in a street shooting. I bent down over Jooyoung and placed a kiss on his forehead. The action, steadied my nerves, helping to stay calm. It made me realize how much of my life I had suppressed all emotions, everything was new territory. ‘How could an assassin have significant other?’

It didn’t take Alister long to grab the supplies I needed, there were a few more members at the door when he arrived but the look they received from me halted all efforts to get in. He was already shirtless, so all I had to do was delicately remove the dressing covering the wound. Having a pretty good idea how it looked from my own injury, I was surprised to see the infection that seemed to consume it. There were faint collective gasps within the room. Quickly I walked to the bathroom, washing my hands thoroughly before getting to work

I removed the sutures, it was a fairly mild infection compared to what I’ve seen before. It wasn’t deadly, but if I didn’t fix this now, we will be six feet under.  I took some of the rubbing alcohol, added some healing herbs to it that we genetically produce for quick healing and poured the concoction into the wound. Slowly the infection began to retreat, leaving raw flesh. I feel the whispers of discomfort from the contact of alcohol in the wound.  It was only bleeding, which meant the natural healing processes was taking over.

Digging into the bag, I pulled out a line of stitching and closed it up. Once I was finished bandaging, I motioned for Alistair over. “We need to get him to the bed” I huffed, already exhausted from the echoes of his pain that are affecting me. Alister assisted me, I covered Jooyoung with the plush blankets. After walking over to get the liquid drip, I inserted the needle in his arm so he could get liquids back into his system. Without a single word, I walk out passed everyone. They didn’t stop me, I just went straight to my room.

Having to report back to the council, it was time to play both sides. I knew my place as an assassin, but also as an individual. Using my connections, I can find out why Jooyoung was the target in the first place. 

Thank you for reading! <3