#once reg is drunk all he wants to do is be in james' arms

[calamitoustide]

all i'm thinking about is clingy drunk regulus who whines if james so much as shifts his attention to anyone else and if regulus goes out without james he would be calling him every two seconds to tell him he misses him and wants him there

[lulublack90]

Prompt 25 - Bundle

@jegulus-microfic July 25, Word count 942

Previous part First part

Barty and Evan were fast as cobras, slamming the cards down so quickly that half the time James couldn’t see what card had been put down before it was covered up. This resulted in Evan and Barty winning the first few rounds. James was just glad he’d eaten so much at dinner so there was something to soak up the alcohol, but looking at how these guys played he was going to get plastered. 

Regulus put a hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze. 

“You can stay over if you like. I’m staying, and I think you’re about to get very drunk,” He snickered quietly at the last bit. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with that? I don’t want to impose.” James had already decided to call a taxi when the evening was over. He didn't want to drive and the walk was too long, especially when inebriated. 

“Yeah, go for it, it’s no problem,” Evan told him while he refilled the glasses. 

“We’re only going to sleep, James. Believe me, once I’ve finished wiping the floor with you all, you won’t be fit for much else.” Regulus smirked at him.

“Those are pretty big words for someone who’s not won a round yet,” Barty said, picking up the large stack of cards that he’d won and letting them drop slowly into his other hand. 

“Yeah, Reg. Your piles looking pretty slim,” Evan grinned at him and fanned himself with a stack that rivalled Barty’s. Regulus kept his face neutral. 

“Care to make a wager?” Regulus asked, buffing his nails against his shirt before blowing imaginary dust from them. Evan and Barty had a silent conversation before they nodded simultaneously. 

“Let’s hear it then,” Barty said, waiting for Regulus’s bet.

“If I win, James and I get your master suite.” James gulped. He hadn’t been expecting that. 

“And if one of us wins?” Evan questioned. 

“If either of you win I’ll finally agree to that threesome you’ve been pestering me about.” James’s eyes flew to Regulus. It wasn’t like they were seeing each other, and Regulus had every right to do as he wanted, with who he wanted and James had no say in that, but he thought he might be more discreet about it. 

“Deal,” Evan and Barty chorused, shaking Regulus’s hands. 

“And if I win, you’re all getting makeovers,” Pandora chirped in. 

“Deal,” All four of them agreed, making her smile widely. 

“Let the real game begin,” Barty grinned, setting the starter card on the floor in front of them. 

It was absolute chaos. Pandora was out pretty quickly, but she continued to take a shot at the end of each round. James followed soon after. He just wasn’t quick enough, the others had clearly played a lot to get this good. The piles each player held grew and shrunk as the rounds went on until Regulus’s pile was substantially larger. 

The next out was Evan, as he put down his last card and the next didn’t match. It was between Regulus and Barty now. The bottle of Vodka was nearly empty and James was struggling to keep up with the game. 

He’d nodded off, his head lolling back onto the sofa when a cheer rang out around the room and someone shouted. 

“Damn it!” James wrenched his eyes open and found Regulus squatting before him holding out a hand. 

“Come on, sunshine, the master bedroom awaits,” James helped him get him to his feet. 

“Night lads!” James said loudly, waving at them wildly. 

The bed was huge, with four tall posts and emerald curtains the entire way around. 

“The bathrooms over there,” Regulus said, pointing at the door to the en suite. “I’ll go get you a toothbrush if you wait a second.” Regulus left the room and James was alone. He quickly nipped into the bathroom and relieved himself. He was just drying his hands when Regulus returned with a new toothbrush. 

James was a bit unsteady, the vodka making itself better known now that he was standing. The toothbrush slipped from his mouth a few times, leaving foamy white trails around his lips. 

“Why so Sirius?” He joked at his reflection.

“Oh, Lord, did you really just say that?” Regulus groaned from the doorway. James squealed in fright, having forgotten that Regulus was even there. “Here,” Regulus said, once James had calmed down. He tossed a bundle of clothes at him. “They’re Barty’s, hopefully, they'll fit you. He’s never worn them. His mum insists on sending him pyjamas every Christmas.” He said as James unrolled the pyjama set and began stripping. “Merde,” Regulus gasped when James’s shirt fell to the floor. He disappeared before James could make a start on his belt buckle. 

James tried to get the pyjamas on but Barty, while around the same height, was of a much slimmer build and James couldn’t get the shirt to button or the pants to pull up past his thighs. 

Regulus came running in when he heard the loud bang. James had toppled over while trying to pull the pyjama pants back off. He’d landed quite heavily on his rump against the cold tiles. 

“I’m good,” He held his hand up. James wiggled out the pants and put his underwear back on. They’d have to do. He was too tired to do anything else. He shrugged off the shirt as well and hauled himself to his feet, leaving the discarded clothes on the floor and stumbling past Regulus towards the huge bed. He collapsed on it, falling asleep as his head hit the pillow. He didn’t even feel the bed dip as Regulus joined him.

Next part

[thestarslittleking]

@jegulus-microfic Day: January 1st. Prompt: Decent Words: 649. CW: mild NSFW, Heavy making out and grinding. Tips and feedback welcomed <3

*******************************************************

Regulus reaches his arm across the bed only to find it empty, warm, but empty nonetheless. Stretching, he pushes himself up and looks around his room, all the clothes from last night were still thrown about so he couldn’t have left. Before he has a chance to wonder where he ran ran off to, naked at that, he hears the bathroom sink run right before the door opens and one James Potter walks out.

“Goodmorning” James mumbles as he crawls back into bed pulling Regulus into his lap kissing him tenderly.

Regulus presses into the kiss, wanting more. His hands, once wrapped leisurely around the other boys shoulders, start exploring his tan skin and leaving little red lines in his wake. Running up and down his arms, across is broad chest, down the dips and peak of his abs.

James lets out a groan and grabs Regulus’s hips, pulling them closer. Some part of him knows it’s wrong, that he shouldn’t be in bed with his best friends younger brother. He wants. Knows that when Sirius said he needed to get laid last night he hadn’t meant Regulus. He craves. But Regulus has always been more a quick fuck to him, he’s wanted him for years, wanted dates and lazy mornings, wanted commitment, trust, love. He needs. So last night when Regulus said he wanted him too, he couldn’t help but take. He has. Now with Regulus in his lap he can’t help but not care about any potential consequence.

James Potter wasn’t a drunk heat of the moment thing. No, Regulus Black is more calculated than that. He’d never make such rash decisions. James Potter was well thought out, he planned for him. He just needed to wait for his opportunity to strike. Knew he’d have him here one day. Under him with marks blooming on his neck and scratches down his back, whimpering his name.

He grinds into him as he sucks at the spot just under the hinge of his jaw. He feels James’s own hips twitching in attempt to chase some relief and starts moving faster, grinding harder.

“Reggie, ‘m close.” James mutters into his ear.

“Me too Jamie, me too.” That was a new one, Regulus has called James a lot of names before but never ‘Jamie’. Huh, who knew good dick could really change a man.

He’s so close to reaching his high, just a few more thrusts and-

“Reg, you decent in there?” Sirius bangs on the door. They boys freeze, breathes heavy.

“No I’m not you fucking cockblock, give me a second” He drags James into the bathroom shushing him as he closes the door. Throwing on a pair of joggers before opening the bedroom door.

“God, it reeks in here.” Sirius wrinkles his nose.

“Sorry, I didn’t have time to change the sheets between you banging on my door and being on the brink of a wonderful or-“

“Okay, okay, nevermind! Forget I said anything!” Sirius rushes out.

“What could you possibly need?” He raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Have you heard from James, he disappeared from the party last night and I haven’t heard from him since.”

“Why would I have heard from Potter? I have been getting thoroughly fucked so I don’t know where I’d have the time to keep tabs on your friends. Maybe keep him on a better leash next time Sirius.” Regulus’s tone bored and still somehow taunting.

“Oh I did not need to know that,” his whole body cringing, “well, if you hear from him let me know.”

“Will do. Now if that’s all I must be going.” Regulus starts to subtly close the door.

“Yeah, yeah that’s it.” Sirius eyes flick once more around the room before turning to go.

Regulus almost has the door closed when Sirius pauses. Hand shooting into the gap,“Hey, Reg?”

“What?” Regulus is getting irritated.

“Is that James’s sweater?”

[jupiterjawbreaker]

Steamy Sneak Peak to OFMD x Jegulus

This is the point of the story where Regulus has finally joined the crew of the Mauraders and found himself with a crush on his Captain. Pining for Potter while he pined for Lily, she ran off and left his heart bruised so James started drinking and by the time Regulus found him...well...

James hiccuped, cradling the bottle of booze he'd been getting sloshed with close to his chest as he laid his head back in Regulus’ lap, hazel eyes glittering the deep amber of the woodlands enveloping the Black’s ancestral home. The sunset leaking from the slatted window shutters cutting beams of light across the Pirate Captain’s cheek, Regulus had thought love as black and white but seeing James’ eyes, he knew love was golden. 

Through sultry lashes Reg maintained his unreadable expression, never willing to expose his intentions first, always waiting out his opponent to see their first move. Calculated as this move was on his part he could tell James didn’t notice, couldnt notice in his drunken haze not even as Reg had leaned over him. The swaths of curled black locks dripped over them in a canopy hiding their faces from the surrounding barrels that came with the territory of storage rooms and then all James could see was Regulus’ eyes. 

Oh his eyes, the icy gray cut through James skin and burned a heat up his back and to his cheeks, though it could have well been the alcohol taking its effects on him. Either way, the breath sucked through James’ clenched jaw only emphasized his eyes lulled in a trace. So close. Reg’s breath tickled his flushed skin, curiosity eating away at him for a beat before he would succumb, and James lazily dragged his gaze to Regulus’ lips and marveled. The curvature of them, how pink and soft they seemed, James was enamored. 

Clink

 was all the warning James gave from dropping the bottle he'd been nursing to his waist side urgently, reaching up to touch Regulus’ face but when he caught sight of his unreadable expression and cold gaze he stopped himself with the bits of remaining self control the alcohol hadn't taken from him. 

He knew better, casting his guilty eyes to his side. He knew that would cross a line and if he weren't so drunk, if he weren't so heartbroken over Lily, if Reg didn't look so good…he wouldn't have even considered it! 

The thoughts racing in his head stalled when he felt fingers slip around his wrist and guide his hand to soft flesh. James tracked his arm to his hand to find the tips of his fingers brushing against Regulus’ cheek. Reg turned his face into James’ hand affectionately and kept his watch on him, never wavering. Caught off guard, and not too smooth about hiding it, James didn't really seem to mind with his intoxication and new found intrigue. James slowly lifted his head from Regulus’ lap and Regulus followed suit, pushing back until both their spines straightened, staring each other down with James' thumb caressing small circles against Reg’s cheek before brushing across his chin. Dare to let his look slip down again to admire the shifting plumpness in Regulus’ pillowy lip, James infatuated with how it glistened when he pulled at the soft skin slowly.

 Regulus felt fire surge through his body, his veins melting at the touch James so tenderly gave him, he knew he was soft but, to be held, to be cherished, was sending Regulus even further beyond hope, he felt himself falling for those treasuring fingertips. James let out another drunken hiccup and smiled sheepishly, his other hand coming up to rub the back of his neck in embarrassment, like he was fearful he'd killed the mood. James always wanted to keep the tension light, if not existent, and avoided his eyes to do so.

 Regulus furrowed his brow just slightly at James’ distraction and craved his undivided attention once again, tightening his grip on Jame’s wrist just slightly before pressing his lips to the pad of his thumb and watching him carefully. James stilled again and the smile only lingered on his lips as his gaze trailed up from the floor, across Reg’s body, and to his eyes that glared so impatiently. James felt his stomach loop a knot and the heat built in him was far past the alcohol he'd had. 

James pressed his thumb gently against Reg’s kiss, and the smaller man parted his lips to let him exploratorily graze against his bottom canine, thumb sliding back tentatively but Reg kept his lips free from one another and James took the dare to run along Reg’s tongue. A soft sigh of eagerness buzzed against his skin and Reg wrapped his lips around James’ finger and let his tongue glide along it, a play for dominance between the two of them. James felt his breath start to heave, the haze in his sight not only thick from booze but lust as well, and he shifted. 

On his knees, one between the smaller thighs and the other at his hip, James used his free hand to direct Reg’s face up, caressing his jaw as his thumb slowly slid from his lips and down his chin. James looked down at Reg with what he could only find to be hunger. 

They hadn't spoken a word to one another…Reg didn't know what to say, he only knew what he wanted. James might've been the opposite, but that was changing more and more as his restraint fell away. Black noticed this, he knew this would most likely be a fleeting moment of passion for Potter so he got the final words out before he could feel embarrassed about it tomorrow. 

“Just for tonight Captain”.

Oh. How he used his title made James let go from the last tendrils of self control. He panted out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and his hands caressed down Regulus’ neck and slowly worked open his collar, James face skirting dangerously close before their noses bumped and James’ lips ghosted Reg’s. James had been enraptured by his lips, desperate to take them for his own but before he could go any further, only had unlaced the ruffle of Reg’s collar, his gaze locked onto the foggy mire of Reg’s eyes and his voice came out low and husked with desire. 

“Strip”.

(Teehee I couldn't sleep and also couldn't get this out of my head! I def think I wanna make it more POV but this is the best I could do with only one read through and being in the middle of the story even though I haven't even started writing it yet. Open to constructive critism/pointers since I havent received any formal training, thank you hope yall enjoy)

[achliegh]

Golden

Yeehaw Leo… it's all because this song came on one day (I don’t even really listen to country anymore so it really is fate). Leo is based off that song, each chapter is going to be based off a yeehaw song too.

Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Beta: @the-most-slyterin-hufflepuff & @punkkkboi

TW/CW: Smut, terrible yeehaw sayings and jokes, injuries, mentions of past death/suicide, minor character death, underage drinking, mentions of past arrests, cringe

Chapter Songs (listening in order is recommended):

Chapter 7:

Fast!

Bar Playlist: Youtube, Spotify

Fishing In the Dark

“Okay Logan, we are going to be on Peanut together. Sound good?” Leo held a kiss dazed Logan’s face in his hands as they spent the last hour convincing Logan to go on the trail ride with them. Kissing him until he couldn’t focus on his fear was seeming to work the best. Finn got in on it too before he had gotten on his own horse, along with most of the team. Celeste and Dumo decided to stay behind and help Judy clean up.

Leading a still dazed Logan over to Peanut he helps him up, Leo following soon after. Hands under Logan's arms holding the reins. Lo was leaning back into Leo’s chest and only noticed they were on a living vehicle when said vehicle started moving to join the others.

Leo rubbed a soothing hand over his side to let him know he was okay. Finn and Clay trotted over to Leo and Logan with a smile on their faces. There was a brown Burmese cat that was lazily stretched across Leroy’s rear behind Clay.

“It’s about time! From what I’ve heard Logan is pretty good at riding, should transfer over to equine.” Clay winks and Logan smacks Leo’s arm as he tries to hide his laugh. “Just know that Leo tells me everything… even stuff I don’t want to know. But I do the same with him.” Clay shrugs and turns around going over to Thomas, Noelle and Reg, the cat just fully relaxed as Leroy bumped it around.

“How long have you had him?” Thomas vaguely gestures to Clay and his posse.

“About 4 years, found him in the woods eating a rabbit.” Clay smiles at him as they ride side by side down the trail Leo and Logan were leading. Jerry, a little song bird that loves to ride with Leo anytime he goes down the trail perching himself on the rim of Leo’s hat.

“Wha- I thought horses were herbivores!” Clay looks up at a confused Thomas and raises an eyebrow, then it clicks.

“Oooohhhh, you think Leroy is a HE! Nope, she’s a mare! Had her since I was 9 years old. Tina is a man though, fathers all the kitties around the farm.” Smiling his million dollar smile at him. “I also have a sand boa named William-”

“Snakespear?” Clay blinks a few times and laughs nodding.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Maybe to some of us who… maybe still browse Tumblr on occasion.” Thomas winks at him causing Clay's face to heat up, swallowing the happy feelings that he knows he can’t have. He smiles back and trots ahead to be next to Logan and Leo.

Logan was gripping Leo’s wrist the entire trail ride, Finn was so distracted at one point Kuny let go of a tree branch and it smacked him across the face because he didn’t listen when he was told to duck.

It was a nice relaxing ride through the countryside, nothing fancy, just an easy going adventure. Everyone made it back to the pasture in one piece, thank god, everyone was hopping off and unsaddling the horses.

Leo got off Peanut first just for a moment, in that moment he watched Logan completely freak out when Peanut took three steps to the left to graze. Hiding his smiling by sucking his lips in between his teeth, walking over to Lo he helped him off of the horse. Logan was clinging to Leo like a koala, and tight enough it was hard for Leo to breath.

“You okay?” Leo put a hand under Logan’s booty to support him and ran his other hand through his soft curls. Hoping he felt safe now.

“I am now.” Logan looks up at him and smiles before lightly nipping at his jaw. Leo laughs a little and nods a thank you to Reg who is un saddling Peanut. Leading everyone inside to relax until they go out later tonight. Walking into the entrance hall and kicking off his boots all while holding Logan still.

“I thought these were school pictures!” Jackson, or Nado as the team calls him, points to the bunches of framed photos of Leo. “Are these… mugshots!?” He laughs in disbelief. The rest of the team starts to examine the pictures more closely. Some pictures had Leo with bruises or blood, some had him smiling with a middle finger up or peace signs, others had him looking annoyed. His younger one from when he was like 12 -13 years old were of him looking scared or crying.

“Yeah, they are all my mugshots from when I was, I think, 12 to this year. The Sheriff doesn't like us at all, arrests Clay and I for random reasons and even if, like when we were younger we would call the cops because someone vandalized the gate to the ranch and tried to break in. I got arrested for a false call. I was 14 I think. The cops are definitely not afraid to use force with us either… I hope he fucking leaves us alone while y’all are down visiting.” Leo is looking at his first mugshot ever of him sobbing at 12 years old. The week of his birthday, someone threw a rock through a window at a shop and blamed him.

“Is this your sister?” Timmy points to a mugshot of Eloise from last year and Reg bursts out laughing, Clay snorts and Leo looks confused.

“That’s my mom…”

Hours later, the drunk trio had already left for the bar to get a table and to talk to some of their friends they haven’t seen since the beginning of summer. The team was in their little ranch hand house getting ready, the speakers in the house all blaring Fast! By Sueco the Child because they know… they know there will be nothing but yeehaw music to assault and molest their ears tonight.

Thomas was pulling his grey shirt over his head, smoothing the fabric down as Noelle chills in her sweatpants and his t-shirt. People who didn’t want to go out are going over to Clay’s house to learn a bunch of mixed drink recipes and to talk shit. It was mostly the girls who didn’t feel comfortable getting harassed by middle aged men with beer guts, Dumo and Celeste who have become close friends with Judy overnight, and people who didn’t like going out in general. Like Olli, Adam, Timmy, and Sergei.

“We should talk to him.” Thomas sits down next to her and wraps an arm around her shoulders, kissing her forehead. Looking at the ceiling all he can think about is how easy they got along with Clay. How his smile and Noelle together made his heart speed up. When they both turned to look at him earlier he thought he was going to have a heart attack.

“I think you need to talk to him first, this is something new for you. To like a man. I- I’m not going to lie the thought of Clay and you separately give me the same feelings, but you two together. It makes me feel the happiest I’ve ever felt. Do you maybe want to talk to Lo or Finn before we talk to Clay? To make sure this isn’t just us… I don’t know, using Clay in a way we don’t mean to?”

“Yeah, I think that's a good idea. But when can we get them away from Leo long enough to talk to them?” Looking at his watch and hearing all the thumping down the stairs he gives her one last kiss before standing up and stretching.

“You could try to corner one of them tonight?” She smiles at him and winks at him as he shakes his head. “Have a good time tonight, Babe.”

“You too.” He heads out the bedroom down and down the stairs. He was riding with James and Coops to the Bar but maybe he would try to switch and ride with Finn and Logan.

“Red-ay!” James slings his arm around his shoulders and ruffles his hair. He thinks for a moment, then sees Finn swinging the keys to his rental car on his finger as Logan is on the ground struggling to yank his boots on. He was wearing heavy combat boots to dance around at a ‘Honkey-Tonk’ as Leo calls it. Seems like a bad idea.

“Actually I think I’m gonna tag along with Finn and Logan.” He smiles at James who shrugs and slaps his back before running off. Walking over to Finn, he looks down at Logan and gives Finn an ‘is he serious?’ look.

“He doesn’t want to be called short by all the hot cowboys and these are the tallest shoes he owns.” Sighing he looks back at Logan who is laying flat on the ground out of breath from fighting with his shoes. Reaching out he helps him up. “What’s up?”

“I’m gonna ride with you if that's fine.”

“Sounds good, let's go.” Finn skips to the car while Thomas and Logan walk side by side. Getting in the car, Thomas was squished into the backseat. As soon as the doors close he is asking questions.

“How did you guys know?”

“Know what?” Logan looks back at him as Finn starts the car. Thomas looks out his window watching the other cars pull out and start driving towards the gate.

“Know that three was the perfect number for you…” He looks back at them and sees them share a look for a moment, having a silent conversation before Logan climbs into the back with Thomas.

“It took us a long time to figure out, but we knew that Leo was for us because we could barely function as a couple without him. Like we could do it but, it just wouldn’t be the same. There was always something missing after we both started getting feelings for him.” Logan sighs a little. “It's hard to explain but it was like there was always a perfect Leo sized gap wherever we went. Once we both realized we wanted him, and he wanted us… it was a no brainer to ask him to be with us.”

“It’s definitely a feeling of loss when they leave and it's just you two together. So maybe it will cement your feelings when you get away from that person for a while. If they are the main topic of conversation when it's just you and Noelle… maybe three is the perfect number for you as well.” Finn smiles at him as he drives past the gate and follows the google map to the bar.

“What if we have already had time without them and.. We- I don’t know, we want to talk to them but I’m scared because.” He gulps and wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans. “Because I’ve never felt this way towards a guy before.” Finn blinks a couple of times and Logan nods, making a noise of understanding.

“ It’s a scary feeling at first, I freaked out for a long time until I finally met Finn. Then I freaked out even more and actually tried to leave the Frat. Then I finally let myself fall and I fell fast and in the stupidest way.” He laughs a little remembering when he realized he was in love with Finn. “Basically Finn had this mini basketball hoop in our dorm room the first year we had to share a room. Second semester I finally gave in to my desire for him. We had sex, honestly it was terrible because neither of us had any fucking clue what we were doing. But after, this bitch!” He starts laughing as Finn starts getting red on the tips of his ears from embarrassment. “He got up after like two minutes of cuddling because he had so much energy and started playing basketball! I was curled up in my duvet watching him with a sore ass, and a stupid smile… That's when I knew he was for me.” Smiling at Finn, just absolutely in love he turns to look at Thomas who is still laughing a little.

“I think I realized I liked… This person after they sent me a video of them playing a harmonica really annoyingly and another person in the car threw it out the window and he pulled another one out of his pocket.” Snickering, he smiles at them. “Thanks for not freaking out on me, Noelle told me to talk to you guys because she also really really likes Clay.” He realizes he just said the name he was trying to avoid and looks at them a little worried.

“It was pretty obvious how she was flirting with him all afternoon, and you just kind of watched and looked like a little puppy following them around.” Logan moves out of the way as Thomas tries to smack his arm and puts his hands up in surrender. “Sorry! Sorry! I meant like the big strong manly man you are.” Laughing, Finn pulls into a parking spot in front of the bar and shuts the car off.

Walking into the bar the smell of sweat and beer washed over them, making them scowl for a moment. They spot Reg talking to a blonde girl with a red cowgirl hat on. Leo and Clay are already hustling a game of pool with some people who look about the same age as them. The team made their way to the tab Reg was at and got comfortable. Ordering drinks and listening to music. Leo and Clay stopped by after losing $100 on the pool game. Chatting for a few moments when suddenly a sound like bagpipes came over the speakers.

Thomas watched as Clay's face completely lit up, dragging Leo out onto the dance floor. Everyone got into orderly lines and started stepping and dancing to the song all the same. It was mesmerizing. Thomas would be lying if he said he didn’t watch Clay completely lose himself in the music and didn’t have to take a drink to cure his cottonmouth. Especially when those goldish lights would land on them.

Making them even brighter than before, the lights giving Clay’s skin a bronze glow. When Clay pulled his tank top out of the waistband of his jeans, he choked on his beer. Patting his back Finn was chuckling as he watched Leo dance.

He moved so easily, like it was second nature, the dance didn’t look hard but Finn was known to have two left feet off the ice. The lights were amazing, making Leo’s hair poking out from under his hat look like gold leaf.

He was beautiful.

It was obvious that Leo and Clay were platonic soulmates, they mirrored every move perfectly. They had fun and acted like they were the only ones on the floor and whipping their heads back and forth to the beat of the music made Clay kick Leo by accident and he would just laugh.

Once the song was over Logan, Leo, Sirius, Thomas and Clay all went to smoke outside. Sirius and Thomas were out there to get some fresh air while Logan and Leo traded a cig back and forth. Clay puffed on his own and closed his eyes looking up to the sky. Hearing Footloose come on over the speakers Logan and Leo rushed inside because that was one song Logan actually knew how to dance to.

Leo joined him on the floor and would laugh but catch him anytime he would stumble with his boots. He would end up spinning Logan back into place and singing off key from behind him.

Reg was watching his friends as he spoke with Kuny about the wildly different styles of boots and hats people were wearing when a panicked looking Clayton came up to him. Grabbing his arm and walking towards the one dark lit corner of the bar and kicking a couple who was making out, out of the corner. He turns to Reg. Watching someone behind Reg walk towards the door and leave.

“You alright?”

“Thomas just kissed me…” Looking at him with wide eyes looking so lost, Reg grabs his arm to make sure he doesn’t bolt. “He kissed me and he has a girlfriend Reg! I- I’m not a homewrecker I swear!”

“Whoa whoa, hey Clay. Look at me.” Clay makes eye contact with him and starts to relax. “Thomas isn’t the type of person to just kiss someone out of nowhere, and I bet he is going to tell Noelle right away. It’s okay.”

“But Reg, I really like them… like in the way Leo likes both Logan AND Finn. I don’t want to lose them. I just figured it out the other night. I was never going to act on it because, its pretty fucking rare, but now Thomas did and- and what do I do!”

“How about we go and sit down for a couple of songs? Maybe dancing might help you out because it always seems to relax you. Okay?” Clay nods and follows Reg back to the table, after a few fidgeting moments he goes to the bar and orders a couple of shots and takes them all in a matter of seconds. Taking a deep breath he starts to relax. He feels a familiar hand run from his shoulder to his hip.

Ashley.

“Long time no see, huh.” She smiles a sly smile at him and leans her back on the bar. She was wearing a low spaghetti strap tank top and painted on blue jeans with red boots that look like Clay’s. He swallows a little. She did look good, and he was getting to be just drunk enough to be horny.

“What do you want?” She catches him looking at her boobs and smirks; he flushes red and turns around to also lean his back on the bar, looking out to the dance floor where some of the team has joined Leo in dancing to Hillbilly Bone by Trace Adkins. He looked at the table and noticed Reg staring directly at him.

“I just wanted to say hi, looks like you’ve really been taking care of yourself.” She feels his arm that he unintentionally flexes and she squeezes his muscle. He looks at Reg one last time, making his decision, he looks back at her and nods towards the door.

He leaves with her.

“Are you fucking kidding me.” Reg watches him leave. Absolutely shocked. He gets up from the table and walks onto the floor, walking over to Leo he taps his shoulder. Leaning down so Reg can talk into his ear, Reg tells Leo exactly what happened.

Looking up and around the bar he can’t spot Clay anywhere, he excuses himself from the group and walks outside with Reg. Seeing Clay’s truck is still there they walk over to it and knock on the window before looking in. Empty. They left.

“Fuck. I’m texting Judy.” Leo does exactly that.

Leo, having taken a few drinks to calm down, lets himself relax. He was at a bar with his friends and boyfriends, he could have a little bit of fun. They all decided they were leaving in an hour anyway.

So when Fishing in the dark by The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band starts he grabs Finn and pulls him close swaying to the beat of the music as he mumbles the words into his neck, still stressing about Clay leaving like that. Holding Finn as close to him as he could he let himself just forget about anything but the man in direct contact with his body.

Once the song had finished he stood there still holding Finn for an extra couple of moments, letting Finn kiss the top of his head, his hat being on Logan’s head who was sitting at the table because his feet hurt. They eventually pull apart and start back towards the table.

“Oh fucking Christ!” Leo sighs as he notices who has taken his chair at the table. Ashley’s brother and the Sheriff’s son. David. He walks over and stands next to the chair. “What the hell are you doing over here?”

“I’m socializing with some new people, you didn’t bring them. Why would they want anything to do with you?” He laughs and his lackeys on the other side of the chair also laugh and slap his shoulder.

“Actually they did come here with me.” He crosses his arms and the rest of the team is looking a little uncomfortable and confused. “So if you and your shithead friends would oh so kindly leave. I would appreciate it.” Narrowing his eyes David stands up in a way that is sizing Leo up. Leo raises an unimpressed brow because David is a good five inches shorter than him and a scrawny man.

“Do they know you’re a fucking faggot? That you’re a cockslut? A fairy?”

“Why do you think we are here?” James pipes up and the three idiots across the table look at him in shock.

“You’re a whore, I could never!” David looking back at Leo and jabbing a finger in his chest. Looking David up and down slowly with a cringed face he nods.

“Yeah, you couldn’t. Now, I believe I asked y'all to leave.” Leo points with his thumb behind him.

“You’re dad would be so proud.” Leo grabs him by the collar of his shirt and aggressively pulls him closer to him with a look of pure fury on his face.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“I said. you’re disgusting dad-” Leo is pulled away from David by Sirius.

“At least my dad wasn’t a murder!”

“AT LEAST MY DAD DIDN’T KILL HIMSELF!” Leo stops fighting against Sirius’ grip and calmly gets away from him, storming out the doors, kicking them open and walking towards his truck. Kicking rocks up and trying his best to hold himself together. Getting into his truck he slams the door and grips the steering wheel, pressing his forehead against the hot plastic and squeezing his eyes shut as tight as he can.

Minutes later Finn and Logan crawl into the truck in silence. Leo goes to apologize but they hush him and just give him understanding smiles and both of them cup one of his cheeks. He was so close to crying but he just couldn’t. Not in front of them, the people who are supposed to see him at his best.

Once they get home everyone goes to their rooms and Leo walks down behind the barn to the pond.

He spends the night by himself under his dad’s tree.

[karlajoyner]

It’s Perfect (Reggie Peters x Reader)

A/n: So I wrote this up after having a mental breakdown listening to Unsaid Emily on repeat. No regrets. But yeah you guys should comment some requests!

Warnings: Mention of abuse

————

“Yeah well at least I'm not a dead beat drunk!" I yelled at my father who stood a few steps away from me with a bottle of liquor at hand.

As soon as the words left my mouth I should've known I wouldn't get away with it.

My eyes burned as I felt a stinging sensation on my cheek. I held it, in pain. Tears stinging my eyes.

"A bitch. Just like your mother was" He said taking another swig of his drink.

I quickly sprinted out the door with nothing but the clothes on my back. Hearing the man that once dried my tears when I fell on the playground shout out awful slures towards me.

I wasn't daddy's girl anymore.

I ran. I ran as far as my feet would carry me. Until I reached a familiar house 9 streets away.

I ran into the driveway quietly. Knowing Bobby's family would be asleep by now. I panted reaching for the garage doors pulling them open and running in shutting them immediately behind me.

"Y/n?" A familiar voice spoke from behind me. I turned around seeing two of my bandmates getting ready for bed. I took a few steps forward trying to steady my breath.

"I-" I didn't even get a word out before I broke down completely.

"I'll call Reggie" Luke spoke leaving out the doors I had just come from.

Presumably towards the house that had the landline.

"It's okay" Alex whispered pulling me close in a tight hug. I cried into his chest as we sunk down to the floor.

I cried for what felt like hours before the door opened once more. I looked up through blurry eyes seeing my boyfriend standing there in a white tee shirt and black jeans. With his lucky red flannel tied around his waist.

"Baby" He whispered coming to sit next to me.

"Thanks guys. I've got her from here"

"We'll give you guys some time"

"Feel free to pull out the extra air mattress for tonight" Luke said before him and Alex left the studio.

"Baby what's wrong?" He whispered in my ear pulling me close.

"I-it's my dad. I can't-I can't be there anymore. I won't" I choked out letting my tears fall freely.

"Shhh it's okay" He attempted to soothe me. Each hair stroke making me feel safer knowing he was right next to me.

Ready to protect me from anything and everything. I cried as he lifted me in his arms moving me over to the couch never releasing his tight embrace on me.

"It's not Reg. He called my mom a bitch and then called me a bitch and then he slapped me" I cried. The boys jaw clenching.

It was very rare that you saw Reggie angry but when he was it was blaintly obvious you did not want to mess with him.

"He did what?" He asked clearly aggravated.

"He laid his hands on you" He spoke again trying to stand up.

"No Reggie. Please don't leave me" I whisper holding onto him. His tensed body seemed to ease as he held me close.

"I'll never leave you baby. You know that" He said the room going silent as we enjoyed each other's company even in saddest of moments.

"Your never going back there again" He spoke after a while.

"Where will I sleep?" I asked.

"Here. Alex and Luke won't mind. Niether will Bobby. You'll move here"

"I- I don't know if that's a good idea"

"I already talked it through with the guys"

"It's true" A familiar voice spoke from the doorway.

Our heads whipped towards the door to see the rest of the band standing there with frowns upon their faces.

"We all talked about it and think it's best"

"My parents won't mind. Just like Alex and Luke your apart of the family and are welcome anytime" Bobby said as the three boys got closer.

"You're our bandmate"

"Our friend"

"Our little sister"

"And we'll protect you from anyone who hurts you" Alex finished making my eyes well up once more.

"I love you guys" I smiled as Reggie placed a kiss on my temple.

"We love you too baby. And once Sunset Curve plays the Orpheum. The first thing we'll do is buy a house where we'll have our own room. Our own privacy" Reggie said running his hand up and down my arm.

"Cool it man no need to get all hot and bothered right now" Luke said making me giggle.

"Plus I think there's something you need to do before that" Alex said winking at Reggie. I looked at the two confused as Reggie nodded his head.

"What? What does he need to do?" I asked watching smirks beginning form on my bandmates faces.

I watched as Alex ran towards the loft. His figure only becoming visible again when he threw a small object over the balcony down towards Bobby. Again I watched as he caught it tossing it towards Luke who walked it over the a Reggie.

"I was gonna wait until we got signed after our big show at the Orpheum. But some things happen for a reason I guess" Reggie spoke nervously.

I watched as he kneeled down beside me. My body immediately sitting up in worry.

"Y/n, god where do I start. We've been best friends since elementary school. And lovers for 2 years now. After I wasted way too many years trying to make you jealous instead of telling you how I felt. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was not asking you this sooner. Y/n Y/l/n will you marry me?" He asked making my eyes widen as he open a black velvet box with a beautiful ring inside.

I look around at the other boys who had smiles spread across their faces.

"I may not be the smartest, the funniest, or even the hottest of the group" He spoke playfully glaring at Luke.

"And I really don't know why you chose me out of all of us. But you did. Its all I can offer right now but if you stick through it with me I promise one day I'll give you the world" He said a smile forming on my face.

"It's perfect Reginald. Your perfect" I spoke. Taking in his beautiful features.

"So it that a yes?" I heard Alex ask. "Yes. Yes! Oh my god yes!" I yelled pulling him up for a hug.

I grinned as he slipped the ring on my finger hearing the boys around us cheering. But the only thing I was focused on was the boy in front of me.

A boy who had only been known to show me lust, compassion, and love.

I giggled as Reggie pulled me into a passionate kiss the cheering dialing down.

"She said yes!" He shouted as soon as we pulled away.

"Congrats man" Luke said patting Reggie on the back.

"You know man you should just move in too while we're at it" Bobby joked.

"No!" Luke and Alex shouted at the same time.

"We do not need them consummating their marriage a few feet away from us while we try to sleep"

"It's only a matter of time boys. We do need to do that though huh?" I joked looked at Reggie.

"I'm not complaining" He said a lopsided smile forming on his face. I giggled as the boys began to make sounds of disgust.

"We'll head to your place first thing tomorrow and get your stuff for tonight you can barrow some of my clothes" Alex spoke going to his suitcase as pulling out a pair of boxers for me to wear as shorts.

"Thanks Alex" I smiled watching as Luke and Bobby moved under the loft to pull out the extra blow up mattress there for anyone else who needed to stay the night. Which usually was usually me or even Reggie sometimes. When things got real bad at home.

"I've got her shirt" Reggie said removing his flannel and handing it to me.

"Thanks babe. I know how much you love this thing"

"I do. But I love you more. Plus you look hotter in it than I do"

"I don't know about that. Something about your James Dean rocker look gets me turned on" I whispered in his ear.

I giggled watching his eyebrows raise in surprise. His usual pink tinted cheeks going red.

"Hey! No sex before the wedding" Luke joked.

"Let me live Patterson" Reggie said taking my hand to lead me towards the small bathroom in the back of the garage.

"Where are you going?"

"To consummate our marriage" I joked. Sort of.

Reggie and I laughed as the boys groaned in annoyance.

"I mean I am staying the night" Reggie said pulling me into the small room.

"Your sleeping outside" Alex called after us. Reggie not hesitating to shut the door behind us.

[awanderingdeal]

In which Sirius takes back Halloween

My fic for the fabulous fic -o-ween! This is not even remotely scary and is basically a big fluff ball. I hope you enjoy your Halloween as much as Sirius and co!

A big shout out to @ais-for-alex for being my beta for this fic. I did make a couple of changes as I was re-reading this morning (who can resist) so any mistakes are most likely my fault.😂

And finally, a massive thank you to @lumosinlove for lending us these wonderful characters to play with. They really have been a massive part of my lockdown sanity.

Rating: G

CW: Food mentions

“Do you think I should sell this house?” Sirius mused, tapping his long fingers against the rim of his mug.

Remus looked up slowly from his tablet, from which he’d been reading the daily news. “Why would you want to do that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s just so big, you know,” Sirius shrugged, taking a second to formulate his thoughts into a coherent reply. “I kind of just brought it as an act of rebellion when I got my first pay check. We’re never really here and even when we are, we use what, maybe five of the rooms.” He leaned back in his chair, pushing his hair back off his face. “It just feels so soulless,” he finished, glancing at Remus to gauge his reaction. His boyfriend was as impossible to read as ever, not giving an ounce away until he opened his mouth to speak.

“So, give it soul then.” Remus said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Like you said we’re never here. But we could be. We can make memories here if you want to,” he smiled gently at the thought. “Maybe, we could start with me officially moving my stuff in here?” he added, biting into a doughnut casually. If Sirius didn’t know Remus better he would have thought that the monumentality of the question had bypassed him.

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus's waist pulling him close, smiling into his curls at the memory. It had taken place two years ago now and of course, Remus had been right. Sirius couldn’t imagine living anywhere else now. A crunching sound interrupted his thoughts. He shook his head, but didn’t comment on his boyfriend’s breakfast, a leftover toffee apple, knowing from previous experiences that it would only encourage him to make worse choices.

The conversation in his memory had been the reason that he’d first thrown his annual Halloween bonanza, a tradition (if something that had only been done twice could be called a tradition) that was quickly becoming infamous. It was a family affair with all the team bringing their loved ones to enjoy what was quite frankly, an outrageous display of wealth. Each year, Remus and he turned their back garden into a fete with, pumpkin carving, a hay maze, apple bobbing, spooky cupcake decorating and face painting to name but a few things. No expense was spared. But it wasn’t about the money really.

A soft kiss to his jawline pulled him out of his thoughts again. Remus sighed contentedly and leaned into his chest, body warmth radiating between them. Sirius glanced down at the shorter man, giving him a reassuring smile. Remus could always tell when he was in his own head.

“Just thinking about last night,” Sirius hummed, his eyes flickering to the giant corkboard on the wall. It was currently monopolized by the polaroids that had been taken the previous evening. The collection showcased exactly what the party was all about.

It was the photo of Logan, his teeth clenched around an apple, sticky liquid dripping down his chin and eyes glimmering with competition. Next to it, the photo of Katie Dumais hugging a huge, black stuffed dog, almost the same size as her.

“Logan won me a new stuffie!” she had beamed as the photo was taken. Logan, much to Katie’s distain, ruffled her hair and told her, “N’importe quoi pour vous.” Anything for you.

It was the image of a frantic James declaring, “I have lost my child!” Olli and Timmy laughing in the background because they could see a tiny Harry dressed as a pumpkin toddling around behind his father.

It was the one of Talker, for once sitting still, albeit in a chair designed for small children, his eyes closed but his mouth moving. Across from him, Noelle’s expression was fondly exasperated as she tried to finish painting his face. Another photo evidenced that she had been successful; there were two matching skeletons (Thomas and little Xavi) with faces warped by laughter.

It was the collection of photos towards the top of the corkboard. Reg and Leo. Reg and Celeste. Reg and Jules. And his personal favourite, Reg and Remus.

“I love this one,” Sirius said aloud, his fingers reaching out to brush the picture he was referring to. Even now it still baffled him to see his brother interacting with his boyfriend so casually. At this point the two men had their own relationship outside of Sirius, founded on nerdy things that he failed to understand. His heart swelled as he took in the image of the two most important people in his life.

“It’s a great photo,” Remus agreed. He and Regulus had their heads close together, hands waving as they enthusiastically discussed something. Remus had a smug expression on his face, Reg looked disgruntled. The photo captured their personalities fantastically. “I think this is my favourite,” Remus added, pointing out a different polaroid.

This one was taken inside. An entanglement of blankets and sleeping children. Smitty’s youngest, Noah, had started it. He’d crashed around 9pm after an almighty sugar rush, and his father had laid him down in the quiet of the lounge to sleep. Katya Ivanov and Katie Dumais followed soon after. Harry had put up a valiant effort not to join them. In fact, there was a photo a little to the left of Sirius rocking his godson who was fighting his drooping eyelids. Never the less, he ended up in the pile too.

“One day, we will have one of our own to add to that pile,” Remus smiled, giving Sirius a squeeze.

“One day,” Sirius agreed, wiping a thumb across Remus's lips to remove a trace of toffee. "We better go and wake those two up. Marcie will be here soon – she won’t want to clean around them,” Sirius declared, his head inclining towards the lounge. Remus chuckled in response, spinning in Sirius’s arms and taking his hand to lead him to the other room. Sirius allowed himself to be led, picking up the camera from the counter as he passed.

The camera flashed and pushed out a photo with a click. Sirius grinned, shaking the small square whilst it developed. Slowly it revealed two men curled into one another, the taller of the them had his arms wrapped around the smaller. They looked peaceful. Remus tried to wake them up gently, but apparently the small shake to Kuny’s shoulder was enough to startle the pair. A string of Russian – almost certainly profanities – left Kuny’s mouth as he pulled himself away from Nado. Sirius noted the blush that spread over Kuny’s cheeks as he realised how entwined they had been. 

“Right boys. I hate to kick you out but my housekeeper will be here soon and she does not need to be subjected to your hungover asses,” Sirius said, although he didn’t sound regretful at all.

Nado grumbled, showing Sirius his middle finger and sweeping his hair back of his face. “Come on Koon, I’ll drop you home.”

Leaving Remus to deal with their two unexpected guests, Sirius wandered back into his kitchen to pin the photo he had just taken with the rest. There wasn’t a lot of room left, but he managed to squeeze it between a photo of Natalie and Kasey holding their carved pumpkins, and a particularly sweet one of the cubs. Finn’s lips were pressed against Leo’s nose, red from the cold. Logan cocooned between them, resting his head on Finn’s chest. Sirius couldn’t help but smile as he realized that none of them were wearing the same sweaters they had arrived in, seemingly having swapped them over the course of the evening.

Remus came back soon enough, shaking his head and huffing out a laugh. Sirius didn't want to know. “They'll be gone soon. We should pick up. Marcie isn't paid enough to deal with…this" Remus said, gesturing towards the chaos of the kitchen. Sirius looked around, a grimace forming on his face before he nodded his agreement. The floor was littered with costume parts, either lost or removed as games were played and alcohol was drunk – devil horns here and iron man’s mask there. There was a stain on the rug where a bowl of perfectly spiced pumpkin soup had been spilt. Toilet paper had managed to make its way into the craziest of places, casualties of the mummy competition. Popcorn crunched under his feet – the impromptu viewing of ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ had happened two rooms over - how popcorn had ended up in the kitchen, Sirius did not know.

Despite it all, Sirius would do it all again tomorrow. Growing up, Halloween had been characterized by loneliness and jealousy. His overly religious parents had declared the holiday heinous and banned even mentions of the event. In the supermarket, they snatched offered candy out of his hand and Sirius had listened on wistfully as the other children spoke about their hauls. The memories made him a little sad, but it was okay now, Sirius had reclaimed it  – Halloween was his again.

[mahsamarauder]

I wrote this in honor of Sirius’ birthday which is today.

Happy birthday Sirius

Sirius Black looks at the moon. And guesses that it’s midnight. He bitterly laughs. He looks at the floor of his cell and sees sand. He decides to take advantage and draws a cake on the sand.

He honestly did not remember his first birthday but guessed that it must have been terrible. With the parents he had, it must have been horrible. He draws the first candle.

He was two years old and he had just learnt how to walk without any support. It was his birthday and he was happy. For his birthday he had gotten a book. His mother said she would read it for him. The book was about noble purebloods and evil muggleborns and disgusting halfbloods. He was so young, he believed every word. He draws the second candle.

He was three years old and he had a brother now, Regulus. He had a feeling that mother and father loved Regulus more but didn’t say anything. He wasn’t looking for trouble. He draws the third one and lets the first tear come. Regulus was so innocent as a child. Maybe if he had taken Reg with him when he ran away, Reg would still be alive.

He was four now and was doing his favorite activity, muggle watching, on the stone stairs of their house when his mother came and carried him inside by his ear, telling him that h the next time she sees him wasting his time on watching muggles, he will regret it till the end of his days. He draws the next one on the sand.

He was five when he decided that his parents were wrong about muggles and muggleborns. He knew he was a Black but he didn’t know what that meant to his parents. That is, until his mom came up to him and taught him about the most ancient and noble house of Black and the scared twenty-eight. Sirius hated himself even more that day. Hatred fills him as he draws the next candle, remembering that day.

He was six years old and he had a ball for his birthday this year. He had to dance with every girl at sight. He hated this, his parents and everything including being a pureblood. He wished he was a muggleborn with every fiber of his being. He accidentally shared his wish with a boy at the party. Well, let’s just say that did not end well. He had defended his wish and said he liked muggles and he preferred to be a muggle rather than a pureblood wizard. Even now after all these years he can hear his mother’s scream: “Crucio!!!!” The next candle is not straight because when he is drawing it because his entire body aches, as if the spell is still affecting him after all this time. And when his whole body aches at once so suddenly he flinches. No tears, no self-pity just pain.

He was seven and he saw Regulus disobey their parents, trying to copy Sirius. He told his mother that he rathers be like Sirius than like them. His mother was insulted and angry. So angry she forgot that Regulus is only 5. But before the spell could hit him, Sirius pushed him out of the way and the spell got him instead. He felt like his skin was on fire and that his entire flesh was being poked by a thousand hot needles all at once. But it didn’t hurt as much. He was used to it. His parents' method of using violence to discipline them was something he was used to. He was slapped, hit and beaten ever since he was very much younger but he always put on a brave face for Regulus. This time he doesn’t flinch as he draws the candle. Nothing hurt him more deeply than the first time so no matter how much he thought about the next times she tortured him, he never flinched again. Because the first time wasn’t just about pain, it was about betrayal too. She was his mother. How could she? But the next times it didn’t hurt as much anymore.

He was eight and he heard his parents talk with disgust in their voice about pureblood families supporting muggles and muggleborns. The Potters and the McKonnins were the main subject of their talk. The Meadows had been suspicious of late about this as well. And the Prewetts and the Weaselys were obviously muggle lovers. That year, for his birthday he wished that he could change his family and go into one of these families, so he could learn about muggles. As he draws the eighth candle, the second tear of that night rolls down his face. Who knew his wish could actually come true? Who knew he would lose it sooner than he wanted to? He bitterly laughs at his misfortune.

He was nine and he was comforting his little brother. Mother had just used the cruciatic curse on Regulus for the first time and now the seven year old boy was crying in Sirius’ arms. The poor boy had done nothing wrong. He had just said that he didn’t want to dance with some pureblood’s ugly daughter. But he was punished. He kept saying that everything hurt, his heart, his lungs, his head, his limbs and his skin. He kept asking Sirius to take care of him while crying. As he draws the ninth candle he curses himself for not doing what his little brother had asked him to do.

He was ten. He had stood up for what he had believed about muggles and muggleborns and had paid the price. His father was drunk and he was not happy. Sirius had ruined his birthday party with this muggle nonsense. Sirius cleaned the house without help from anyone until he dropped out of exhaustion. He apologized and promised to never talk nonsense again. As he draws this candle, he smiles. He had lied to his father and he is proud of it.

He was eleven. He was exited but Reg was not. Regulus asked him if he would still be friends with him even if he had other friends in Hogwarts. He promised him that nothing would change between them. Tears sting his eyes as he draws the eleventh candle. He didn’t keep his bloody promise. He betrayed Reg’s trust. In that moment Sirius Black, hates himself more than he ever did.

He was twelve. And he had friends. Three of them. Sirius Black never thought anyone could love him, but now he had three friends who loved him very much. Sirius was never happier. He stuffed his face with the pumpkin pastries that James, Remus and Peter had brought him for his birthday. He didn’t care about that morning, when instead of a birthday card, he had gotten a howler from his dear mother telling him how ashamed he should be of his house and hiss behavior. He draws the next candle as he smiles. What a happy that day was.

He was thirteen. He had a cut on his cheek. He had been fighting with Slytherins again. And he had gotten detention. How lovely. Detention on his birthday. But when he asked Mcgonagall to put his detention for tomorrow because it was his birthday, Mcgonagall had said that it was only suitable that one of the school’s trouble makers spend his birthday in detention. When he thought about it, he decided she was right. “Wish me a happy birthday Minnie?” “Black, do you want more detention?” And he shut up. As he draws the new candle, he remembers Mcgonagall smirk as she wished him happy birthday anyway.

He was fourteen. And he was spending his birthday in Hogsmade. They were playing around when he bumped into a girl and she fell down. He spent the entire evening running away from a very angry Evans. He smiles when he was drawing the next candle as he remembers all the colorful names Lily had called him that day.

He was fifteen. And he was in love. In love with his best friend. In love with a werewolf. In love with Remus Lupin. And no one knew. His friends hugged him and wished him a long life, but he was sure that when Remus hugged him his heart skipped a beat. Love was beautiful and scary and instead of seeing both sides, Sirius had only seen the scary side. So he had decided to keep his mouth shut. There is lump in his throat now. If only he had faced his fear. He lets the tears roll down his dirty cheek, leaving a clean trail behind them as he draws the next candle.

He was sixteen. It was HIS birthday but all James could talk about was Evans’ hair. Not Evans’ herself, her bloody HAIR. Sirius never felt remorse for dying it yellow the next morning. The bloody hair ruined his birthday and it had to pay the price. Although to be fair, his groin paid the price as Lily kicked him but it was worth it. After all these years, when he thinks about it, he laughs. He laughs and draws the candle. It is still worth it. Lily with yellow hair was so priceless that he was ready to cut off his own member just to see it again.

He was seventeen. He was seventeen and all alone. He was stupid and alone. He was standing at the edge of the tower looking down at the grounds. “Such a beautiful place to die” he thought. He heard a voice call him and looked back to see none other than Lily Evans. She looked at him with worry written all over her face. “You won’t care if I die Evans.” “And that’s where you’re wrong Black.” “I have nothing to live for.” “Bloody hell Black, you’re seventeen, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you.” “I almost killed Snape.” “I know. He told me all about it. He was using it to tell me how awful you all are.” “Then why are you here?” “Because I don’t believe him. You didn’t want to kill him. You are a lot of things but not a murderer, Sirius.” “I have nothing to live for, Lily.” “What the hell do you mean?” “I lost my brother and my best friend and the boy I have been in love for so long. My family hates me. My brother probably has the black mark. I’ve got no friends or family. Tell me, if you were in position would you want to live?” “My sisters hates because I’m a witch and half the wizarding world hates me for being a mudblood. Where do I belong Sirius? Do you think I should jump?” “Don’t call yourself that! You belong with us.” “What us? You’re killing yourself. There will never be an us. It will be me and the others all wallowing in sadness because you’re dead.” He stepped forward and fell onto his knees in front of her. “What do you think I should do? Stay miserable but alive?” “Stay alive with me Sirius. You say have no friends or family left. But you’re wrong. You’ve got me. I can be either your sister or your friend. Whichever you want.” “You’re talking out of pity.” “Didn’t I tell about my sister who calls me a freak? I need a brother and you need sister. Let me be there for you.” The conversation rings in his ears as he draws the next candle. Until his seventeenth birthday, he always thought the beat that had happened to him was meeting the Marauders but he was wrong. The best thing that had happened to him in his entire life was meeting Lily Evans, the girl who loved so unconditionally. That night he cried in his knees in front of Lily and when she fell to her knees hugged him tightly and gently patted his back, he realized why James had fallen in love with Lily. She was kind to you no matter what you had done. “And this is how I repay her”. Sirius thinks sadly.

He was eighteen. It was his birthday and he was pissed. “Can you believe it Monny? The big baboon diched me on my birthday to go on a date with Evans.” “For the love of Merlin Sirius, stop being jealous. I know he couldn’t come but he lent us the heads common room now didn’t he?” They reached the portrait and opened it. “Surprise!!!” Lily and James had been decorating the heads common room for Sirius’ birthday. That was the best birthday he ever had until then. Lily and James had given him muggle money that year. They said that the money was enough for him to buy a motorbike when he graduated. He smiles warmly at the memory as he draws the next candle.

He was nineteen. He had joined the war with his friends and he never felt more terrified or alive in his life. James and Lily were married now. Peter had moved out his mother’s house. Remus lived Sirius and Sirius, James and Lily were in auror department. They were all making in a difference in any way they could. Their lives were filled horror and exitment. Sirius draws the next candle thinking about his nineteenth birthday in a pub with his four best friends and he smiles.

He was twenty. And Regulus was dead. Sirius can’t bear to remember that birthday. He had gotten a letter a day before, telling him his little brother was dead. That year all he did for his birthday was to make hot cocoa( Regulus’ favorite drink) for everyone and they all sat around the fireplace silently. Sirius dries his tears with his dirty hand after drawing the next candle.

He was twenty one. And he was a godfather now. He had a responsibility. He was someone’s family, legally. He was so happy. On his birthday, Peter and Remus were on a mission, so he wen to visit James and Lily. Lily had snag him a happy birthday song while dancing around the room with Harry in he arms. And Harry kept giggling at the moves and sounds his mother made. When he got to Sirius’ arms, he kept grabbing his hair but Sirius didn’t mind. Harry was the only one allowed to touch his hair. He was surprised at how much he loved the little boy and how much he was ready to give just to see him smile. Sirius draws thr next candle as lets his warm happy tears wet his face. Best birthday of his life.

He is twenty two now. Alone. In an Azkaban cell. Because apparently he had murdered Peter. He wishes he had done so but Peter is alive and free. Sirius draws the last candle and hits himself in head. He curses himself. It’s his fault. It’s all his fault. He had trusted a rat. A bloody rat. How could he have been so stupid and naïve? James and Lily were dead because they trusted his judgment. They were dead because of him. The only girl he ever loved was dead because of his stupidity. His brother was dead because he hadn’t been thinking clearly enough. His godson, the only person alive allowed to touch his hair, the little boy he loved as if he was his own son was now parentless because of him. Sirius hates himself more than ever. Four days ago his life was ruined but he feels like he deserves to be in here, to pay the price. He is the reason they’re dead, why shouldn’t he be in Azkaban? He blows out the candles he had drawn. The candles and the cake fly away into the air and Sirius watched the moon from the window of his cell he sobs and begs James and Lily to forgive him. He knows Remus might never forgive even if he knows the truth but he hopes James and Lily will. He had laughed that on the street when the aurors caught him because he had really gone mad for a second and how could he not? He had destroyed the only family he had ever known and loved with his own bloody hands. Remembering this his sobs turn into a mad laughter. It’s all his fault. He is guilty. His laughter turns into sobs and his sobs turn into laughter again and again until the morning.

Years later, on November 3rd 1996, Harry Potter was in the corridors. He went to the kitchens and asked for a birthday cake with 37 candles. On his way back, he thought about what to tell Ron and Hermione and then smirked. Those two should get together. They had been doing this bloody dance for the last five years. If Sirius’ death showed anything, it was that you don’t always have time. He didn't want to think that he and his friends might die but he knew that it might really happen so they shouldn’t waste any time, but then again if he really was that wise he would’ve done something when he liked Cho instead of awkwardly liking her and making a fool of himself around her. So he let it go when he remembered that confessing was not that easy. He reached the portrait and gave the password. He wanted to go inside but changed his mind. He walked up to the astronomy tower and sat down near the ledge. He looked up at the stars and saw the Dog Star or as astronomers called it: Sirius. He smiled sadly at the star and let his tears cover face.

“I’m sorry about all the birthdays you had to spend alone Padfoot. Happy 37th birthday.”

I’ve seen fire and I’ve rain

I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end

I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend

But I always thought I’d see you again

Art credit: @alessiajontrunfio

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Heyy can I request a story(hopefully long, if it's not a trouble?) about Slytherin Sirius trying to score Gryffindor James? And James being an oblivious cutie?I really love your stories they are so great!! Thank you very much and please don't feel pressured.

"You're being obvious," Regulus said through gritted teeth. 

"I know." Sirius was completely unbothered by that, mostly because he was hoping for James bloody Potter to see him and realise that something was going on. Because as it stood, giving him chocolates hadn't worked, telling him he was fit hadn't worked, and sitting on his lap that one time hadn't worked. How James managed to rationalize all this in his mind, only Merlin knew. Honestly, what did he think for any of that? And Sirius knew that James wasn't trying to let him down easy, because he'd seen James turn someone down before and it hadn't been nearly as confusing. 

"Do you think you could manage to not be so bloody embarrassing for two seconds?" 

"I could, but I won't." 

Regulus sighed, shoulders slumping. 

"You're free to move seats if you want." 

"And deal with any of these buggering people?" 

"Watch your language." 

"Excuse me?" Regulus said incredulously. "You are telling someone to watch their language? And since when do you care if I curse?" 

"Since two hours ago." 

Regulus narrowed his eyes at him, then his expression relaxed and he rolled his eyes. "You're trying to get me to stop bitching about Potter." 

"Correct, ten points to little Reggie." Sirius ruffled Regulus's hair, just to piss him off. 

"I wouldn't have to complain about him if you would stop talking about him." 

"I wasn't talking about him, I was staring at him, and you brought it up. If you don't want to hear it, maybe you should stop instigating it." 

"A possibility, but I'm going to try a different approach. Go ask him on a date," Regulus said, pointing a finger directly at Gryffindor table. "Ask him on a date and say it in as many words so he can't bloody misunderstand. Then he'll say yes, and you can stop being such a tosser." 

"I'm not a tosser." 

"You're a stupid liar, is what you are." Regulus paused. "And a tosser. And a bloody nuisance in my life, sweet Morgana, will you please go inflict your presence on somebody else for once?" 

"Alright. When you're right, you're right," Sirius said, pushing himself up. 

"Wait, what? You're going over there? Right now?" 

"You just told me to." 

"I didn't think you'd listen." 

Sirius rolled his eyes and left, giving Regulus's hair another ruffle. He made his way towards Gryffindor's table and was relieved to see that there was empty space on the bench next to James. Some people were already done eating, so it wasn't packed full like it was at the start of supper. He could stand while he asked, but that was much more severe than the aura he wanted to project. Casual. Nonchalant. That's what he was going for, and Salazar willing, he would manage it. 

"Hullo Potter," he said, dropping to sit next to him with a smile. "Going to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" 

James's eyes narrowed. "It's not an Hogsmeade weekend." 

"So? Madame Rosmerta doesn't snitch if you pop in for a butterbeer." 

"I wouldn't know," James said primly, and Sirius got the feeling that he had already lost him. But how? James loved butterbeer, and Sirius knew for a fact that he didn't mind sneaking out of the castle for a pint every now and then. 

"No? How about Honeyduke's? Word has it they have a new truffle collection from Belgium." 

"I'm sure Remus would love to try it." 

How did this keep happening to him? Sirius may not be a good person, but he was a good looking person and surely that was enough to secure him one measly date at seventeen years of age. 

"Er," Remus said from across the table. He looked just as confused by James's refusal as Sirius felt. "I'm pretty sure Remus would not love to go on a date with him, but thanks." 

"It wouldn't be a date, you berk," James said, and Sirius rolled his eyes. 

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that mate." He clapped James on the shoulder and left-- read: sulked-- back to the Slytherin table. 

"How'd it go?" Regulus asked, a knowing smirk on his face. 

"Fuck off." 

"That's not a good way to make friends." 

"We're not friends, we're brothers, and you couldn't get rid of me if you tried." 

"And Salazar how I try," Regulus muttered. 

*

Parties were either fun celebrations in the common room with butterbeer and snacks from the kitchen, or it was a group of people in your year getting totally smashed and making questionable decisions-- most of them sexual in nature, cause they were teenagers. This party was one of the latter. Firewhiskey-- and a couple muggle liquors that only the muggleborns and half-bloods touched since they didn't have the same bite as firewhiskey-- was the drink of choice, of course, but there were some butterbeers and fizzy pop floating around so you didn't get pissed too quickly. Unless you were Marlene, who took five shots in a row then puked all over the carpet like she hadn't expected for that to happen. 

Sirius was more than a little tipsy when he decided he was going to give it another shot with James. "Aaayyyy Jamie," Sirius said, trying to sit next to him suavely and only succeeding in flopping half on top of him. Okay, maybe he was actually drunk, not just tipsy. He put an arm around his shoulders for balance, and then that was a nice position to be in, so he scooted a little closer. 

"M' name's James, not Jamie." 

"Funnily enough, I noticed that. Enjoying the party?" 

James sighed. "I was," he muttered, and it sounded very pointed. 

"Er." Sirius took a quick look around-- which made him dizzy-- but he didn't see anybody else. "I didn't interrupt anything?" 

"You interrupted my peace and quiet," James said, leaning forward, picking Sirius's arm up from around his shoulders, then leaning back again. 

Sirius frowned. He was too drunk for this, and James was too sober. "Do you hate me or something?" 

"I don't hate you, you hate me, and you keep bloody rubbing it in all the time," he said, getting to his feet. 

Sirius listed, having to put a hand down on the cushion to stop from falling over entirely. Something had gotten lost between Sirius's mouth and Jame's ears, but fuck if he knew what or where it had occurred. 

James wasn't seen for the rest of the party, and Sirius barely remembered it when he woke up with a hangover the next morning. The memory came back as the day went on, and Sirius did what he always did: bothered Regulus in the hopes of good advice. "James said he thinks I hate him," Sirius said after he found Regulus at a table in the library. "That's not normal, right?" 

"Normal for all people who bother their brothers because they don't have any bloody mates? I think so." 

"Language," Sirius said, and Regulus gave him an incredulous look like he always did. Sirius didn't feel like explaining that it was because if Regulus slipped up around their parents, he'd get a curse faster than he could say 'sorry Mum'. Why their parents cared so much about foul language, he had no idea, but it wasn't a pleasant experience; best to avoid it entirely. "Honestly, that's not normal. Why would he think that?" 

"Who knows? Gryffindors are weird, you know this." 

"They might be weird, but they're so cute," he sighed, eyes taking on a dreamy quality. He shook it off before looking at Regulus again. "Have I done anything to make him think that?" 

"No." 

"Reggie, you gotta work with me here." 

"I am working with you; you haven't done anything. Potter's a bit mad, that's his problem, not mine. I don't see how you could possibly be more obvious about being arse over kettle for him." 

"Never test my limits, I can always be more obvious." 

"Short of snogging him and telling him you love him, I don't see how." Regulus paused. "Don't do that, what if he actually doesn't feel the same? That'd be too embarrassing to recover from." 

"I can recover from quite a bit," Sirius said, his tone too thoughtful to be safe. 

"Er, Sirius, whatever you're thinking, whatever you're planning, don't." 

"I'm not thinking anything," he lied. 

"When you get that look, it means you're going to get in trouble." 

"Don't be stupid, I'll be fine. Thanks Reg," he said, then left without waiting another second. 

Regulus stared after him for a moment, then shook his head. He had an exam to study for, and Sirius was going to get himself in trouble whether or not he tried to stop him. 

For Sirius's part, he was thinking that maybe he needed to be more direct. He'd been obvious, sure, but the intention may not have been clear. Well, he'd been plenty clear actually, it was more a matter of making sure James couldn't misunderstand. They hadn't gotten on back in the first couple years of school, so maybe James still thought that was lingering? It was the best guess Sirius had, and with Regulus's advice, he was sure that this would take care of it. 

The plan had been to find James and ask him on a date, no build up just 'you, me, date, maybe kissing'. Unfortunately, Snape-- the absolute tosser-- thought that now was a great time to bother him with stupid insults and inane, rhetorical questions. Pro tip: answering "Yes" when someone asks "Do I look that stupid to you?" was likely going to end in a fight. Sirius didn't get hurt (obviously) but he did get detention. 

*

They were in Transfiguration when Sirius decided he had the perfect opportunity. He didn't have the perfect date idea, but if he waited for both, he wouldn't be able to ask for a date until after they graduated. Professor McGonagall let them loose to practice their spells, and lots of people were moving to sit next to their friends so they could tease each other and talk while they half-heartedly did the assignment. "Are you busy right now?" 

"Yes," James said, but it was clearly a lie since all he was doing was doodling a snitch on his parchment. 

"Excellent," Sirius said, turning around to face him fully. "D'you want to go on a date with me?" 

James's hand jerked, ruining the picture. 

Sirius blinked. "Erm." 

"Taking the piss in front of my mate's is one thing, but why are you doing this? I thought we got on alright until the other day when you started babbling about Honeyduke's." 

"I wasn't babbling," Sirius said defensively. "I was perfectly reasonable until you tried to foist me off on Remus, you arse." 

"Language, Mister Black!" 

"Sorry Professor." 

Professor McGonagall shook her head, fully aware of the futility of making him watch what he said. 

Sirius waited until she had moved on to continue talking. "I've been trying to get you on a date all bloody year, and you keep pretending not to notice. Or actually not notice, I'm not too clear on what's happening there." 

"You do not want to date me. Have you seen you? You're buggering gorgeous-" 

"Language, Mister Potter." 

"Sorry Professor. You're gorgeous, and you could do so much better." 

"Better?" Sirius repeated, disbelieving. "I'm sorry, who exactly am I supposed to be shagging that's better than you?" 

James started to blush, eyes darting around to see if anyone was eavesdropping. "I didn't say anything about shagging," he hissed. 

Was James a virgin? That was rather unbelievable, but anything was possible. "Fine, dating, whatever you want to call it. Sure I'm the best looking bastard around, but you're- I mean, bloody incredible, for one. If anyone can do better, it's you." 

"Me? Are you daft?" 

"Not generally." 

They stopped talking and glared at each other for a minute. 

"Are we really arguing over who's too good for the other?" James asked. 

"That's what it sounded like." 

They kept staring at each other. 

"So?" Sirius said. 

"What?" 

"Are you going to admit you were wrong?" 

"Never." 

"Berk." 

"Fucker." 

"Language, Mister Potter." 

"Sorry Professor." 

"Heh, you got in trouble." 

"You got in trouble for the same thing twenty seconds ago!" 

Sirius stuck out his tongue. "Are we going on a date or what? C'mon James, I've been trying this for months, you gotta give me something." 

"You already know the answer's yes." 

"Not until you just said it. Any idea for what we should do?" 

James reached a hand up and mussed his hair. "I dunno. Picnic? Sneak out to Hogsmeade?" 

"Hogsmeade," Sirius decided. "I really do want to try those new truffles." 

*

"Hullo Regulus, are you busy?" 

See, normally when someone said those words in that tone, it was Sirius, about to bother him. Except that wasn't Sirius's voice, it was James bloody Potter, the bane of his existence. The two of them dating hadn't made Sirius talk about him less. Somehow, he was talking about him more. Instead of hearing about how cute he was, Regulus had to hear about his buggering hands and the calluses on them in very specific detail and wasn't he so great at Quidditch? It was enough to drive a bloke completely mad. 

James and Sirius were sodding made for each other, because when Regulus just stared at him, brow creased and mouth ajar, he said, "Great," and sat down. "So I was wanting to do a nice surprise for Sirius, do you know what sort of things he likes?" 

Regulus continued to stare. Was this really his life? Was this actually happening right now? Was he hallucinating? He almost hoped he was hallucinating because the other option was that he really did play relationship adviser for his brother and that brother's boyfriend. 

"Y'know, like flowers or favourite food?" 

"Ask him, you weirdo," Regulus blurted. 

James wasn't offended unfortunately. He rolled his eyes, looking eerily like Sirius in that moment. "Tell me what I want to know and I'll leave you alone?" 

Oh great, Sirius had given him advice on how to deal with Regulus. Why couldn't they ask for Regulus's advice on how to talk to him? It would be so simple. Step one: walk up to him. Step two: walk away without saying a word. See? Easy! 

"The sooner you tell me, the sooner I go. You'll have peace and quiet and all that social distance you're dreaming about." 

Regulus shot a v at him. "He likes burgers. He pretends he doesn't, but he does. And flowers are fine, but he'd prefer a necklace, depending on how fancy it is. Something red or silver, never blue, and he's not particularly fond of gold either. If you want to bring flowers though, red is definitely the color, he doesn't care about type." He paused, then added, "But roses are probably a safe bet, he's a bleeding romantic, that one. Anything else?" 

"Does he like muggle music?" 

"Didn't he tell you?" 

"He's being pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing, it's pretty weird." 

"It's called punk or... rock... or summat. There's a lot of guitar, I dunno. He's got a leather jacket that he says looks the way the music sounds, if that makes any sense to you. Can I do my homework now?" 

James waved him off, thinking over the information he now had. "Yeah. Thanks mate." 

"I'm not your mate," Regulus muttered, but he knew it was hopeless. 

"Whatever you say, mate." 

[ashes-and-ashes]

His earliest memory is when he was 4.

He can’t remember everything, exactly. There’s his bed, swathed in emerald green silk even way back then, the heavy chandelier in the center of the room. He remembers a heavy black dresser pushed up against a wall, thick books neatly stacked on his bookshelf. Even then he wanted to please his parents, wanted to be the “good boy.”

He remembers standing on the bed, looking down at the floor. His bed was huge - he needed a footstool to reach it, and the floor seemed so far away.

Sirius would have been 5 then, crossed-legged on the floor, hands stretched far out in front of him. “Come on, Reg! I’ll catch you!”

And the floor seemed so far away, the wood hard and unforgiving, but Regulus nodded. Because Sirius was there and he said he would catch him and Sirius would never lie. Sirius always protected him.

Regulus took a deep breath and jumped.

He’s 7 now, standing next to Sirius in terror. He had knocked over a vase, porcelain shards shattering everywhere, going under the table and the sofas and the rugs. He didn’t mean to, of course, was too caught up in his book to realize that he had walked into the table, bumping the surface and shattering the vase.

Even then he was terrified. Now he looks back on the memory and laughs, laughs at his fear and terror. Walburga hadn’t even started drinking at that point, not heavily, and her anger was almost tame compared to what he was used to.

She had screamed when she saw the glass, screamed and swore and dragged him and Sirius into the kitchen. Regulus stood up as straight as he could, body almost rigid in fear while Sirius had leaned against the wall. A look of boredom was pasted on his face, though Regulus knew he must have been as scared as he was.

He can still remember Walburga’s words, echoing through his head 10 years later. “Which one of you little shits did this? How dare you? How dare you break my fucking vase?”

They both stayed silent, him and Sirius. Perhaps they thought it would calm Walburga down, the utter lack of response to her tirade.

It only seemed to infuriate her more. With a yell, she grabbed Regulus by the shoulders, slamming him against the wall. “Who broke it?”

Regulus started crying, tears rolling down his face. Walburga’s nails cut into his skin, making him wince. “I...I - “

She slapped him. It wasn’t hard, wasn’t even strong enough to break flesh but it still shocked him. Regulus gaped, mouth hanging open, the skin on his cheek reddening.

“Shut the fuck up,” she hissed, hitting him again. “Black’s don’t cry.”

Regulus bodded, choking back on his sobs. He was about to speak up, was about to accept his punishment and pray that Walburga wouldn’t hurt him too badly when Sirius stepped forward.

“Me,” he said. “I broke it.”

Regulus whipped his head around, heart pounding. “No - “ he started, but Sirius glared at him. Shut up, he mouthed, and Regulus listened.

Walburga turned on him slowly. “What?”

Sirius’ voice trembled. He was only 8, but Regulus always remembered him as much older. “I broke the vase. I ran into it. I’m sorry mother - “

Walburga interrupted. “Regulus,” she said, not even bothering to look at him. “Go to your room.”

Regulus did, slamming the door behind him, hurrying his face in the covers. He still remembers the screams that echoed from downstairs, the slaps and the yelling. Sirius had a black eye for weeks afterwards.

He’s 10 now, in Sirius’ room, standing by the door. Sirius was packing, viciously almost, stuffing everything inside his chest. “God, I can’t wait to get out of here, I don’t think I can last another day - “

Regulus looked down. It was almost an unspoken rule by now - they never mentioned Sirius’ injuries. He could see the edge of a cut now, peeking out from under his sleeve, left over from 2 nights ago.

“What house do you think you’d be sorted in?” he asked, his voice soft.

Sirius laughed, bitterly. The sound was too old for an 10 year old, full of pain and frustration and anger. “What choice do I have? Slytherin. It’s the only option for me.”

Regulus considered this. “I don’t think so,” he said.

Sirius slammed the lid of the trunk down. “Then what House will I be in?”

“Gryffindor.”

Sirius furrowed his brow. “Why?”

“Because,” Regulus said. “You’re the bravest person I know.”

He remembers standing on the platform, watching the Hogwarts Express come in. He was terrified, scared beyond reason because Sirius was leaving and he was going to be stuck with his mother for a whole year.

Her hand was on his shoulders, squeezing so hard he wanted to cry out, fingernails cutting into his skin. He was about to let out a noise, about to duck away when he stopped himself. Sirius took it, he thought. Sirius dealt with the worst of it.

And he wouldn’t call out. He wouldn’t beg Sirius to stay, though he knew Sirius would if he asked. He wouldn’t ask Sirius to bear more of the pain, take the brunt of his mother’s anger. He couldn’t.

So Regulus swallowed his cries, forced them down inside, watched as Sirius boarded the train. Survive. I can survive one year.

He remembers the conversations with his mother, during that one year. It was like walking on broken glass - entire days spent in his room, terrified of saying anything, doing anything, bringing her wrath onto his head.

And he remembers when he changed, when he realized the true extent of the game. Walburga was drunk, angrily mumbling into her glass; he remembers offering to bring her some water.

“You useless bastard,” she muttered, as he set the glass in front of her. “What an absolute shame. Oldest takes the Mark, though the youngest listens better. Fuck. What a nightmare.”

Oldest takes the Mark.

He’s seen the Marks - his Aunt Druella has it, all twisted and dark against her forearm. He knows what it means, swearing allegiance to The Dark Lord, being forced to kill and murder and torture. He knows immediately that Sirius is supposed to take it.

And he knows, instantly, knows it would be torture for him. Knows that Sirius would die being a Death Eater, being forced to fight in a war.

It’s one of his talents, being able to see the tangled roads lying in front of him. He’s only 10, but Regulus already knows what he has to do.

He’s 12 now, already caught in the game. Be the perfect son.

So he does. He does everything - gets perfect grades, introduces himself to the right people. He learns how to put up masks, made of iron and marble and steel, learns how to talk and how to plot and how to manipulate people.

And he’s a bastard. He knows he’s one, a conniving, untrustworthy bastard. Sirius told him so, after watching him suck up to his mother, repeating all her pure blooded bullshit right back.

“You’re such a suck up,” he said, after she had passed out on the couch. “What the hell? You can’t actually believe all that crap.”

“Shut up,” Regulus had hissed back. “Don’t let her hear you say that.”

“Why?” Sirius spat, defiantly. Walburga had started cutting him, slicing the back of his knees and arms and even his ribs; Regulus could see the blood where it had soaked through his sleeve. “She already knows. Can’t hurt me anymore.”

God, Regulus wanted to agree. He swallowed, hard, the same mental checklist running through his head. Be perfect. Take the Mark.

“She may have a point,” he muttered. “About...you know. Mudbloods.”

Sirius blanched; he had a friend, Regulus remembered, a friend named Remus who was a halfblood. He winced internally, knowing he had struck too deep.

“You,” Sirius hissed, “Are a bastard. A convincing, manipulative bastard. I don’t know what happened to you.”

Regulus watched him storm up the stairs before letting out a shaking breath.

He’s 13 now. The beatings have gotten worse - too many mornings he finds Sirius curled up on the floor instead of in his bed. He recognizes the marks, the faint white scars looking like galaxies against Sirius’ skin. She’s been using Crucio on him, multiple tones if he wasn’t mistaken, over and over again until Sirius’ body couldn’t take it anymore and he passed out.

She’s only used Crucio on him once. It was a dark night - Walburga was drunk and he didn’t know what Sirius had said but suddenly he was bleeding on the ground and she was screaming over his shaking body.

He barely screamed. He used to, at the beginning, roared until the house echoed. Now he just bit his lip, hard enough until blood dripped down his chin.

And she didn’t stop. Over and over again, Regulus frozen in the corner, watching as Sirius curled up tighter and tighter -

“Stop,” he said. Sirius made a choked noise - it sounded like no, though Regulus wasn’t sure. “Stop. You’ve hurt him enough.”

Walburga barely looked at him. “Crucio.”

And Regulus has been abused before, he knows this, abused mentally until sometimes he wants to drown himself but never like this. He’s never felt pain like this, ripping and burning and tearing, making him scream and scream until his throat gave out. He tasted blood in his mouth, thick and salty and he gagged, gasping for air -

And as he lies curled up on the floor, in the growing pool of his brother’s blood he wonders how Sirius bears it.

He’s 15 and he sees Sirius kissing Remus.

He was on the Quidditch Field - Sirius usually came out to fly late at night and Regulus always tried to watch him.

Sirius had taught him how to fly, when he was 6, the last of the golden days when everything was simple. Regulus has always been nervous of heights, hated the feeling of wind and air and falling, and it was only when Sirius had gotten him onto a broom did he understand the magic of flying.

He always tried to watch Sirius fly. He was a natural at it, him and James Potter, moved through the air like others moved on land. There was a sort of grace that Sirius just seemed to have, something that Regulus tried and tried over and over again to replicate but never succeeded in.

It was the last tie he allowed himself to hold, the last bit of affection he allowed himself to show towards his brother. The plan was simple, something he had followed since he was 12.

Because if he allowed Sirius to hate him, if he was able to sever all ties between himself and Sirius then Sirius could be free. He knew he only stayed for him, only stayed to protect Regulus. Without Reg, Sirius would leave.

And God, he tried. Everything - from being a bastard to watching impassively as Sirius screamed on the ground. It shredded Regulus’ heart apart, broke it so completely that there was no return.

Get Sirius out. Because if he stayed, he’d have to take the Mark. If he stayed, Sirius would become a Death Eater, forced to fight against his friends, his true family.

Better to let Regulus do it, then force Sirius.

And he never knew how much, never knew the true extent of how much Sirius loved Remus. He’s always suspected it, to some extent, has always known that Sirius didn’t like girls but it wasn’t until he saw them kissing that he realized.

Regulus had never loved anyone, not like that. He’s been too focused in preserving the mask, the cool facade of indifference, has spent his entire life trying to get Sirius out that he’s never really thought about what he wanted before.

Sirius kissed Remus like he was drowning, like he was surrounded by water and Remus was air. It was a desperate, longing sort of kiss, like years of pent up emotion had finally been released.

Regulus has always doubted, to some extent, doubted how much Sirius truly loved Remus. Now he knew.

Sirius would leave for Remus. Regulus has eroded his relationship with Sirius, eroded it to the point where Sirius would abandon him.

Regulus let out a shaking breath. He knew how to make Sirius leave.

He’s 15 now, staring down at his brother, the blood and the gashes, the glints of bone and the burns. His own side aches - his mother had hurt him, shot him right through Sirius’ body.

Reg. Reg, please, you have to let me go.

And he’s done his job, hasn’t he? He’s sacrificed so much, sacrificed his hopes and dreams, his wishes for a better future. He’s given up so much for Sirius and Sirius has done so much for him and the debt is paid now, isn’t it? He’s played the game, perhaps too well, burnt all his bridges and now he stands over Sirius’ broken, bleeding body.

Regulus takes a deep breath. His hand unconsciously drifts to his forearm, where he knows the Mark will go.

He’s not stupid. He knows he’ll die. His Brother will join the Order and he’ll be a Death Eater and the best he can hope for is that someone will kill him before he throws away his innocence completely.

His life for his brother's. He’d pay it. Over and over again, by God he’d pay it. He’d give up his life for the bare chance that Sirius’ could be better.

Regulus swallowed, hard, etched his brother’s face into his memory and prepared to let him go.

[theprodigypenguin]

if u are still taking prompts can u do 54. “How long have you been standing there?” With jegulus????

54. “How long have you been standing there?”

This was reaaaaally fun to write eheheheheh~

Regulus had seen some pretty bizarre stuff in his years at Hogwarts. Things he couldn’t explain, things he understood but just couldn’t mentally deal with because of how truly absurd it was, things he simply ignored because he didn’t have the time or energy to deal with it. He’d walked in on Severus Snape in the Slytherin boy’s lavatory sitting in the corner ugly crying with a brush in one hand and wand in the other, his hair a nest of actual rats (likely aftermath of a hex). He’d witnessed his brother splashing into black lake screaming he wasn’t coming back until he’d married a mermaid, while Peter clung to his waist begging him not to, James laughing his ass off on the shore as Remus stood beside him with an open book lifted in front of his face to make it easier to ignore his foolish friends. He’d even accidentally walked up on Professor McGonogall and Professor Dumbledore in a heated discussion about what sounded like love.

“It’s Black, Minnie dear, trust me, I know these things.”

“Absurd! It’s Evans!”

“Thirty Galleons as agreed, Minnie.”

Regulus didn’t know what the hell they’d been talking about or what they were betting on, but he did remember how adamantly McGonogall had refused to pay without “concrete proof”. Whatever that meant.

Bottom line, Regulus had seen and been witness to many strange occurrences, but through the years he’d come to just accept the oddities. It was a day to day normality when your older brother was Sirius Black, who smuggled weird Muggle crap into Grimmauld Place and spent his summers locked into his room reading magazines with pictures that didn’t even move. If anything was weird, it was his obsession with “motorbikes”, whatever the hell those were.

Still, this would definitely be strange enough to add onto Regulus’ list of weird happenings. It was just after curfew, Regulus was walking along the hall that lead to the stairs towards the Gryffindor common room, Prefect badge in view so teachers wouldn’t think he was breaking any rules (he was just doing his job). Standing in the middle of the hall was James Potter, who was positioned in front of a glass display case holding Quidditch memorabilia. At first Regulus thought he was just admiring what was there, until the older boy leaned closer to the glass, squinting and grinning his teeth, lifting a hand to pick something from between them, then turned his head and wiped at a smudge of dirt or chocolate on his cheek. He then bowed his head, eyes lifted to watch his reflection as he ran his fingers up into the untamed fringe of dark hair.

Regulus had absolutely no idea what the idiot was doing. Normal people would go to an actual mirror to freshen up, but James seemed fully satisfied in admiring his reflection in the glass display case, standing straight and fixing his tie where his Head Boy pin was secured into it, smoothing a hand down the front of his white button up to wipe away the wrinkles, then fidgeted with the buttons of his sleeves, folding them back to show off his forearms and the muscles built up from years of Quidditch. He has nice arms, Regulus thought in passing, watching with squinted, still confused eyes as James lifted a hand to rub roughly at his jaw. Regulus was close enough to note the shadow on his face. Was James already old enough to be getting stubble like that?

“Should I come back later and give you two some privacy?” Regulus asked on a drawl, finally interrupting James, who jerked so violently to the side it looked like someone had cursed him.

“Mother of Merlin’s bloody bitch!” the Gryffindor screamed, hugging the wall and gaping over at Regulus with wide, startled eyes. Regulus couldn’t control the snort, lifting a hand to his mouth to hide the smile as he dipped forward a little and James glared at him. “How long have you been standing there?!”

“Long enough, I imagine,” Regulus snickered, looking off to the side and rubbing the back of his hand over his lips to force the smile off his face, then looked back at James, who looked like a deer caught in the headlights (whatever headlights were, Sirius used that expression a lot). “What are you doing, exactly? I wasn’t aware that admiring one’s reflection was part of your Head Boy duties.”

James’ entire face went dark red and he stepped away from the wall, lifting a fist to cough into before setting both hands on his hips. “Of course! It’s important to observe everything as Head Boy!”

“Including yourself?”

“Exactly!”

“You know you can’t fool around like that with me, right?” Regulus arched an eyebrow and James seemed to deflate, lifting a hand to ruffle the back of his hair, one corner of his lips curling into an awkward grin that had Regulus staring. He had a lot of smile lines in his face. James looked… older, suddenly, now that Regulus was looking. When had that happened?

“Ah, I’m man enough to admit I admire myself, Reg,” James said, looking back at his reflection and snapping his fingers before pointing charmingly at the glass with two finger guns. “I’m just wise enough to pick up on the aesthetic. It’s important to admire beautiful things, isn’t it?”

Regulus just squinted at James. “I think you’ve busted your head one too many times, Potter.”

“What, you don’t think I’m hot?”

“Is it a requirement to answer?”

James strode towards Regulus unexpectedly, and Regulus backed up, startled, until his shoulders hit the sturdy stone wall and James was hovering over him. Had he always been this tall? Or was Regulus just smaller than he thought? James had a smouldering smile on his face that Regulus had heard girls squeak over before, and suddenly he felt very on edge, his fight or flight response making his fingers tingle as James leaned closer.

“Absolutely,” James said, and for a minute Regulus forgot what question he was answering. “As Head Boy, I can give points, but I can also take them away you know. Depending on your answer, maybe I’ll give you five or ten, yeah?”

“You’re bribing me, are you?” Regulus narrowed his eyes dangerously as James continued to grin. This idiot had gotten unbearably cocky this year alone, what was his problem? Regulus wanted to knock him down a peg or two, but what was he supposed to say to rattle the idiot? What was the best way to startle a Gryffindor who was a little too in love with himself? Regulus tried not to smirk as he purposely raked his eyes over James, from head to shoe and back up, taking his time and twisting his face into a scrutinizing stare that did its job as James went rigid, looking uncomfortable.

Regulus had to admit, James wasn’t bad looking, and it looked like he could potentially crush Regulus just with his arms, which was admittedly a little impressive. His clothes seemed to fit him better, the black pants and belt with the white button up that was only half tucked into the waist of his uniform pants, and the red and gold tie that was snug around his neck. It looked odd like that, not at all the style Regulus expected to see on James Potter.

He reached up slowly and James went rigid, eyes locked with Regulus’ and smile gone as Regulus took hold of the tie knot under his chin, hooking his fingers and tugging once to loosen it a bit, then tugged at the first button on the collar of James’ shirt, flicking the collar open before dropping his hand to his side, not moving his eyes from James’ even once.

“There,” he said, and James’ brow twitched just enough to show his confusion as Regulus moved his gaze to the now visible column of James’ throat. “Not that I’m one to objectify people, but if you want a compliment, you should probably earn it.” Regulus met his eye again, lifting his chin in a haughty air people had come to recognize from him, though normally it was just a ploy to hide insecurity. “But you know, Potter… I’m more inclined to think I’m a little better looking than you. Black genes and all. It runs in my blood.”

“What does?” James asked, and Regulus had to note the almost drunk drawl to his voice.

He lifted a hand, tucking his fingers into the side of his own black hair and tilting his head into his hand, grinning at James, who looked completely out of it. “Aesthetic.”

The last thing he expected was for James to close in on him, hands pressing flat to the wall on either side of Regulus, pinning him there with his chest as their face came inches from touching. Regulus was startled, but somehow able to keep his steely composure as he narrowed his eyes almost daring James to do something. He looked completely at ease and unaffected by the sudden closeness, but under his chest, his heart was racing. They were close enough that Regulus could see when James’ pupils expanded, as if he was staring at something he wanted, something he was hungry for.

It was elating to realize what he wanted was Regulus. He felt powerful for a moment, even if this was a fluke and would never happen again. Regulus wanted to see how far James would go. All he had to do was look down, flick his eyes to James’ mouth, and suddenly the heat was on him, their lips crushing together. Regulus pinched his eyes closed and gasped at the tongue prying between the seam of his mouth, hot and deep and making his entire body feel like air. Regulus dug his hands into the wall to keep from touching James, though he wanted to, so badly, to run his hands along his chest and feel the muscle in his arm. He didn’t, because this wasn’t passion, this was just a game, and Regulus intended on winning.

When James pulled away, his eyes were dark with something mature and indecent, but Regulus just lifted a hand, swiping his thumb across his lips as if he was cleaning a meal from his mouth, staring at James through his eyelashes.

“How many points does that get me, Mister Head Boy?” he asked, and James blinked, cheeks red and hot, opening and closing his mouth before muttering.

“Fifty points to Slytherin…”

“Thank you very much,” Regulus smiled slyly, passing James and reaching out to drag a teasing hand across his side as he passed, grinning at the Gryffindor from over his shoulder. “Nice doing business with you.”

And with that he continued on his corridor towards Slytherin common room, trying his hardest to forget the kiss, though James made it incredibly difficult when the next morning he still looked starry eyed and for some reason wouldn’t let anyone fix the tie that was crooked and loose on his neck.

Send in prompts: Dialogue Prompts | Miscellaneous Prompts

[words-writ-in-starlight]

Oh my gosh you just discovered mash? It's such a good show. It has some really serious episodes, end of season 3 comes to mind. I always imagined the animorphs watching mash or like somehow finding solace in it.

OH BOY BUT HAVE I MENTIONED THE MASH AU OF ANIMORPHS THAT I LITERALLY JUST THOUGHT OF TONIGHT THOUGH?

No, obviously not, I literally just thought of it tonight, but buckle in for it anyway because I’m SUPER in love with this show!!!!!

Now, keeping in mind that I am NOT EVEN three seasons in, here are my current castings, ft. the 4077th being known as The One Full Of Babies Fresh Out Of Med School (these kids are like 27 tops, they’re practically infants in terms of the medical field).

Colonel Elfangor Shamtul, The Local Adult, who’s actually in his late 40′s and is a real actual grown up surgeon with a practice and everything, now the boss of a MASH unit in Korea and discovering that his talent for commanding a surgical theater actually translates really well into commanding a military unit.  Most everyone under his command thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread.  All his superiors are basically looking for an opportunity to get his ass court martialed when they’re not handing down commendations for his weirdly effective slant-wise thinking.  His old buddy Arbron keeps them stocked then the supply lines are cut and if anyone asks Arbron and the Mountaineers are running a completely legitimate shipping enterprise.  Elfangor goes by first names with the entire populace unless a general’s there and has never enforced a dress code in his entire life because it would require him to give up his blue jacket.  He was transferred to command of the babiest MASH unit as a punishment after the first time his buddy’s legitimate shipping enterprise got tapped for being probably black market.

Corporal Aximili Isthill, the babiest baby, who is 25 and oh my God Elfangor is adopting this boy he loves him so much.  They’re not blood relatives but Elfangor got handed a gangly excitable kid as an aide and was basically like “that one’s mine thanks” and never looked back.  Ax is actually seven kinds of genius but none of them are medical--he has a stellar memory for medications but no head for anatomy--so he’s more or less single-handedly keeping the base running.  He’s apparently some kind of psychic, if his gift for knowing exactly what’s going on where and when at any given time is any indication, and he's discovered a frankly inhuman talent for electrical engineering since he got drafted out of his blossoming career as a perpetual student.  Elfangor is making this child get a doctorate if it kills them both, and since it turns out they actually live within an hour of each other in the States, there’s a non-zero chance that Ax will be moving in with him afterward.

Captain Jake Berenson, who is chief surgeon but not second in command and who just wants everyone to cooperate for five fucking minutes please.  He is begging.  And everyone knows that even though Big Jake (his army nickname within 0.3 seconds because he’s the tallest guy in the unit and built like a Mack truck) isn’t legitimately second in command, he’s the guy you go to if you want to get anything done.  He specialized in cranial trauma, which isn’t as useful as you’d think when half the head wound cases die before they reach the hospital, but Jake thought the brain was interesting and made his specialty decision while kinda drunk, so.  Leave him alone.  The reason he’s chief surgeon isn’t because of any particular medical brilliance--Jake is a good surgeon mostly through sheer pigheadedness, not because he’s a sparkling medical mind--but rather because when Jake starts barking orders, people listen.  

Captain Rachel Berenson, who is a surgeon because I don’t care about historical accuracy and because she fought tooth and nail to go to medical school and then signed up for the war when they wouldn’t draft her.  She’s at least 60% of the reason Jake is begging people to cooperate, because Rachel has made nine doctors, four nurses, and six patients cry since getting her white coat.  He’s not saying she didn’t have her reasons, okay, she has the right to defend her position as a doctor, but also please stop.  She knows more about chest injuries than probably anyone else in Korea and she likes to remind people that it means she’d be just as good at inflicting them as patching them up.  Marco labels her the Warrior Princess after two days of knowing her and it sticks hard even though she threatened to open him up with a rusty scalpel when she first heard it.

Major Cassie Day, head nurse, who everyone knows is the best at making sure that, once the surgeons have yanked someone back, they stay back.  Cassie is an angel, probably, or at least so goes common theory based on the sheer miracles she’s pulled off in her time.  As long as someone’s done bleeding to death when they get to her, she’ll probably drag them through--whether they like it or not.  She and Rachel are bunkmates because no one knew what to do with a lady surgeon and Cassie offered, and they’ve been best friends ever since, complete with Cassie occasionally helping Rachel’s more hare-brained schemes come together.  Everyone and their cousin, including Elfangor, knows that Cassie and the chief surgeon make out in the supply tent, but also the one time Cassie left for a week leave the entire unit broke down so no, they will not be reporting them for breaking frat regs.  No matter how much Elfangor’s second-in-command wants to.  One time someone talked shit about her skin color and was drummed out of the unit on mysteriously appearing court martial charges two days later.  Contrary to popular opinion, it was not Rachel who started the brawl that got him brought up on charges, nor was the guy actually murdered straight up.  Arm broken, yes.  Murdered, no.  Turns out Big Jake hits as hard as he looks like he does.

Captain Marco Reilly, who is the unit psychologist and also Rachel’s top enabler.  She spends 80% of her time defending herself as a woman and a surgeon, he spends 80% of his time defending himself either based on his race or based on his career, and they are responsible for 80% of Jake’s ulcer because they get in a huge amount of trouble together.  Psychology hasn’t really entered the generally accepted medical field, but Marco specializes in treating trauma and combat fatigue and he gets soldiers back on their feet better than anyone else.  He decided on his career when he was a kid and his mom was a nurse in WWII who wrote home about how she saw boys without a mark on them ruined worse than those who would walk with a limp for the rest of their lives, and Marco doesn’t believe in regret.  It’s also this mentality that generally leads to him and Rachel being a Problem for Jake.  That doesn’t stop Jake from accepting the offer of gin from Marco’s personal still, or from more than occasionally getting swept up in the shenanigans himself.

Corporal Tobias Williams, who is in charge of triage and about 80% trained as a nurse in addition to his other duties.  (I know MASH doesn’t formally have someone in charge of triage but they SHOULD okay, listen, they SHOULD.)  He’s a decent chopper pilot, too, but the unit tends to contrive reasons to keep him around.  Rachel likes to have him assist her in surgery because he has an uncanny talent for spotting things that have the potential to kill her patients almost before she does, and isn’t afraid to mention it.  Tobias and Ax fall in together as inseparable besties within about a month, and Tobias learns not to wait for the announcement that wounded are coming in not long after--he just watches Ax tilt his head in that particular way and sprints off to the staging area without missing a beat.  For a bit a lot of the unit talked shit behind Tobias’ back, claiming that triage was slacker work, but then there was a day where Tobias spent nineteen hours on the staging area directing choppers and ambulances, stopped for twenty minutes to eat and chug an entire pot of coffee, and turned back out for another twenty hours, and went to assist in OR once the wounded stopped pouring in.  Then folks stopped talking shit.  Tobias is nervous and jumpy and generally quiet enough that no one ever thinks to suspect him of being trouble, which is why people are always shocked when it turns out that, say, it was his idea to smuggle in a dozen kegs of beer for New Year’s.

(Elfangor spends three months getting really attached to Tobias before he finds out some relevant information and has about a six month crisis about how to approach it.  His ultimate solution is TBD.)

Major David Pence, aka That Rat, who is Elfangor’s second in command and a screeching pain in everyone’s ass.  Everyone except David knows that his dad bought his way into med school and leveraged his rank in the army to force Elfangor to take the kid on as his second.  David’s under the impression that he’s great shakes at surgery and command both, and he straight up tried to report Elfangor when Jake was appointed chief surgeon over his head.  That was not a major event, because David tries to report someone about twice a week.  About half those attempted reports are either Rachel or Tobias or Ax--Tobias and Ax because he thinks they’re getting above their station, Rachel apparently for the crime of being herself.  He cannot be trusted to keep a level head in a crisis and Cassie has had to swoop in and save his patients more than once.  

Ji-Min “James” Song is a civilian doctor, their primary contact at a long-term recovery facility in Seoul where they send patients who are destined for a discharge.  Every time James rolls up to collect a patient, it is heavily implied that very similar chicanery is going on at his place, and he and Jake get drunk together to commiserate a lot.

Elfangor gets drunk with them too, sometimes.

[siriuslysnuffles]

14/34: november third

(november third)

when he was eight, they held a dinner party for his birthday, celebrating the continuation of the black family name. ‘toujours pur,’ his parents would always say.

sirius hated it. he hated that he had to dress in his fanciest robes and chat amongst the other pure-blood snobs. all they did was repeat what they heard from their parents. he wished his cousin andromeda was coming, at least then he would have an intelligent companion. he supposed he had regulus. he would be fun if his parents weren’t around.

when he was ten, he was told to act like a black. but what does it mean to act like a black? all he knew was that he needed to protect reg. protect him from the wrath of his father, even if he was hurt in the process. all he knew was that his parents slept in different beds. all he knew was that he was expected to be someone he didn’t want to be. all he knew is that blacks hurt people, or were hurt by people. and frankly, he didn’t know which was worse.

‘happy birthday, si,’ his brother said as he handed him a slice of cake he had brought to his room. sirius had been punished by his parents again.

‘thanks, reg.’

so maybe not regulus. he was too innocent to hurt someone. he wouldn’t let them damage him.

when he turned twelve, he spent the day in the hospital wing with james, remus, and peter. remus was recovering from the flu. again. he repeatedly apologised to sirius for ‘ruining his birthday,’ but sirius didn’t mind. james had even managed to convince madam pomfrey to get them hot chocolate and cake. james’ argument had been that if it helped against dementors, then it should help fight the flu.

sirius had the feeling that james could convince anyone to do anything if he tried hard enough. james made him feel like he belonged, like he wasn’t just a black. james made sure that two days later, when remus left the hospital wing, they were able to sneak out and have s’mores and hot chocolate in the quidditch pitch.

when he was fourteen, he spent the morning cheering on his best mate from the quidditch stand. he cheered as james made another spectacular throw.

he shouted as he watched one of the gryffindor beaters, tom belch, throw the bludger towards regulus. it was at times like this where he felt like a traitor. how could he truly be a gryffindor when his blood was made of green and silver?

he screamed as a bludger hit james. maybe his blood was green and silver, but his loyalties lied with james potter.

when he was sixteen, he attacked a boy the muggle way for making fun of remus and peter. it didn’t help that it was one of regulus’ friends. one of the boys who would grow up to be just like their fathers and marry someone just like their mothers.

james and he spent an hour being lectured by mcgonagall about keeping their tempers and how barbaric it was to duel the muggle way. they spent an hour in detention that night, something they were quite used to at that point.

they didn’t regret what they did. if anything, sirius would have gone for another had the professors not shown up. he refused to let anyone get away with hurting his mates. he can’t save regulus, not anymore–but he’ll keep trying for the time being–but he’ll save them. he has to.

when he was eighteen, he felt loved. he received presents from monty and emma who had adopted him as their second son when he was sixteen. he received a birthday card from them too, they wanted to celebrate his birthday during christmas break–even if he no longer lived with them.

it was a thursday. and they all went to class, but it was implied that the four boys would all go to hogsmeade tonight.

‘bring evans with,’ sirius told james as they walked to the great hall for breakfast. peter and remus had gone to the kitchen, he would later find out, in order to convince the house-elves to sing him happy birthday. it was peter’s idea, and it was peter who had been able to convince them.

‘i thought it was supposed to be just us. it is your birthday after all,’ he tried to play it cool, but sirius knew that james wanted lily there.

‘i want my friends with me, and lily is my friend.’ he nudged his mate lightly, even if she does lets you snog her.’

james laughed, ‘prat,’ he uttered before ruffling his own hair.

but james was giddy the whole day, even when lily kissed sirius on the cheek and told him she’d be happy to come tonight.

when it was ten at night, they snuck out past curfew. peter and sirius took the cloak and trailed behind remus, lily, and james. the latter three argued that they didn’t need the cloak because, if they were caught, they could always say they had some prefect duty to handle–unless it was mcgonagall of course.

he watched as james helped his girlfriend into the secret passage, holding her hand and making her laugh the entire time. he included the rest of them as well, making sure they knew he hadn’t forgotten about them.

‘i bet ten galleons they’ll be married this time next year,’ he whispered to remus and peter.

he saw peter analyse them, ‘all right, i’ll take it.’

‘you in, moony?’

‘i don’t bet when i know i’ll lose, i like a challenge,’ sirius laughed.

‘what’s so funny, black,’ the head girl asked him.

‘your love life,’ he teased her.

‘oy,’ james shouted, but there was a small smile on his face as he saw lily laugh.

‘he’s not wrong,’ she admitted.

that was one of his happier birthdays, one of the ones that kept him a little sane in azkaban.

he remembered lily trying to outdrink him.

‘a bit of a lightweight, aren’t you, black?’

‘i’m not drunk yet, red,’ he said as he took another swing.

‘but you stopped drinking firewhisky, you’re drinking the weak mead,’ she pouted, her green eyes fluttering slightly.

‘let’s get you some water, lily,’ james said trying to sober her up. the redhead shrugged him off, ‘no,’ she said slowly, ‘i want to dance with pete.’ she slid out the booth and was clumsily walking over to peter and remus who had gone to get their order.

sirius eyed james with a smirk, ‘did your own girlfriend leave you for peter?’

james was holding back a grin, ‘what can i say? pete’s charming.’ sirius’ doglike laugh was heard from tables away.

‘thanks for inviting her, i know it meant a lot to her.’ he hesitated for a moment before adding, ‘and me.’

‘i meant what i said,’ he looked over fondly at the girl who was drunk and still attempting to dance with their mate. her feet stepping on his. ‘she’s my friend too.’

when he was twenty-one, he spent the day with two of his best friends and his godson.

he watched as james held harry on his lap, bouncing him up and down as harry laughed and smiled.

sirius smiled down at him. his godson possessed james’ mess of a hair, and lily’s mesmerizing eyes. he was only three-months-old and already he was so loved.

‘don’t hog him, prongs,’ he said, stretching his arms out for the boy in question. james kissed his son’s head softly.

‘be careful,’ james warned him as he carefully placed him within his arms.

‘you like me more than your dad, yeah?’ the little boy giggled in his arms. ‘yes, you do.’ he tapped the boy’s nose gently.

‘who knew sirius black would be so good with kids,’ a voice said as they approached. the baby’s eyes immediately drifted toward her, just as his father’s always did.

‘don’t get the wrong idea, evans, i’ll always be a bachelor.’

she laughed, ‘and it’s potter, sirius. james and i have been married for two years now.’

‘two wonderful years,’ her husband said as he stood up to wrap his arms around her.

‘mmm...i could have done worse,’ she teased.

‘only harry and the cat love me,’ he said as he let go of his wife.

lily laughed at him, ‘james, love, our cat hates you.’

‘lies!’ he cried. ‘godric loves me!’

‘you’re such an idiot,’ his wife said turning to face him, ‘but i love you.’

‘i love you too,’ he kissed her lips gently.

‘and when you’re older and you realise how both your parents are major dorks, you can come live with me.’ harry tilted his head to the side as the cat came walking in, head held high.

‘sirius is corporating our child against us, love,’ james nuzzled into her neck, placing a small kiss there.

‘it was bound to happen, although i suspected it would begin with firewhisky or helping him do something illegal first.’

sirius laughed. ‘his father and godfather are illegal animagi, lil. your son is going to be a trouble maker.’

‘especially if he gets his mother’s tongue and her temper.’

‘i don’t have a bad temper,’ she glared at james.

‘no, you don’t,’ he agreed, ‘but when you hold things in, then you snap.’

she pouted. ‘you even scare me,’ sirius added.

‘give me my son before my temper to hex both of you wins,’ lily took the baby who happily went into her awaiting arms.

‘not fair, i just got him,’ he pouted.

lily placed a loving kiss on her son’s head, ignoring her friend’s pout. ‘have you been a good boy for daddy today, har?’ the boy giggled, not understanding a single word she said. all harry knew was the smell of his mother. all he knew was being held by someone that loved him.

‘i made you a birthday cake,’ lily said as harry snuggled into her. ‘i was hoping remus and peter could join us, but they got called in for the order today.’

there was a moment of silence where no one dared to speak, ‘let’s have cake then. i’m sure it’s delicious, my love.’ james gave a kiss to her temple before dragging sirius with him to the kitchen. lily followed rolling her eyes at her boys. and sirius black was definitely one of her boys.

when sirius was twenty-two, he spent his birthday in azkaban. three days prior, his best friends had died, and he had been betrayed by someone he thought was his friend. three days ago he lost everything–including the will to live. because what was a life worth when there was no james and lily potter.  

when he was twenty-two, all he wanted to turn back time. because when he was twenty-two, he stopped believing he was worth saving. lily had once told him he was worth saving, but how could he be when he was the reason that they were dead?

maybe he wasn’t. maybe they were his punishment.

-excerpt based on my love for sirius black and my need to honor his memory

read it here on ff. feel free to request a topic for me to write an excerpt on.

prompt(s): sirius’s birthday

[ashes-and-ashes]

i’d cry for a million years over #12 on the h/c prompts, it being about the other boys (or remus alone) first realising how the Black Family treats their eldest son

A tiny bit different but oh well! Angsty, and I hope you enjoy the break from my villain au!

~

Sirius kicks the door closed behind him, slamming it was a satisfactory sound. The noise echoes throughout the house, so much louder then it ought to be and for a moment he’s tempted to slam it again.

He knows not to, though, knows that slamming it once more would just make his mother come upstairs and then everything would go to hell.

He longed to, to wrench the door open, the wood biting into his fingers, slam it so hard that the wall cracked. He wanted to shatter the windows and fly out, wanted to burn this fucking mansion to the ground.

He’s 13. He knows he shouldn’t be feeling this, the absolute hatred that coursed through his veins, the absolute loathing of his parents. He knows that he shouldn’t dream about them, of waking and running downstairs and finding them dead on the floor, blood running through the floorboards. He knows that he shouldn’t talk back the way he did, shouldn’t cast spells meant to hurt his parents, shouldn’t spend hours thinking of ways to kill them without being caught.

But he did.

People always called him a wild boy, someone that couldn’t be tamed. Burning up with too much, too much arrogance and talent and hidden, broken pain.

He hisses, glancing down at his arm; the cloth that he had wrapped around it was colored a bright, vibrant red. He’s a little dizzy, the bed swaying slightly underneath his feet but he ignores it, clenching his teeth and removing the cloth.

He exhales, hard through his nose as he examines the cut. It’s long, from his wrists to his elbows, a bloodied, leaking gash; crimson drops stain the bedsheets where he sits. He knew it was luck, blind, dumb luck that he had gotten this cut, used his arm to block a curse that was meant for his face.

He looks up, at the mirror hanging on the wall opposite from him and winces. A pair of grey eyes stare back at him, flat and empty, and he tries to imagine a raised scar streaking across his face.

Just like Remus, he thinks, and a small smile stretches across his lips. Suddenly, the thought of a scar didn’t seem so bad. Remus had them, and he was handsome enough.

Sirius looks down, trying to ignore the small flutter in his chest. He places the tip of his wand against the cut, wincing at the sting that echoed through his body. “Episkey,” he murmured, and the cut began to slowly close.

Remus was better at these healing spells, but he was all the way in Wales in holiday and Sirius couldn’t reach him. The cuts always seemed to scar whenever Sirius attempted to heal himself; long, vicious ones that stood out against his pale skin.

He watches the skin stretch together, the scar silvery and bright and Sirius let out a sigh of relief. He stands, examining himself in the mirror; there’s a deep cut on his lip, a bruise along his cheek. He presses the tip of his wand to the cut, wiping the blood off his lip. “Episkey.”

The wound closes, the skin itchy and tender as Sirius stands. There’s a spell for bruises but he doesn’t know it - he usually made do with his mother’s makeup. He straightens, stretching his back with a wince; the cuts hadn’t quite fully healed there, despite the Episkey’s. Some cuts were too deep for simple healing wounds, and Sirius just had to live with them until they healed. He stabs his wand at the bedsheets, the blood disappearing, then turned around.

He froze. Regulus stood at the doorway, in his dressing gown, hair messy and eyes impossibly large. There was a cup clutched in his hand; steam rose from it and Sirius thought he smelt tea. “I thought you might - “

“What do you want, Regulus?” The words came out harder then he intended it to and Sirius winces. “Oh shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

Regulus gives him a tiny nod; Sirius realizes he can hear the cup rattling in it’s saucer. “I thought you might want some tea. You and Mother got in a fight and I thought….I thought you might want something to drink.”

Sirius gives him a wan smile. “Thanks.” He watches as Regulus set the teacup on his desk, on top of a set of books. The smell of tea filled his room, bergamot and sugar, the liquid creamy thanks to the milk that was put inside of it. He winks at Regulus, still staring at him with his huge grey eyes. “Don’t worry about it. It was just some stupid fight.”

Regulus blinks. “Where did you get those bruises?”

Shit. Regulus knew, to some extent, about the fights going on downstairs. The whole house echoed with them; Walburga’s shouts and Sirius’ screams, the occasional sound of flesh hitting skin ricocheting around the room.

But he didn’t know how badly Sirius was hurt, how sometimes he had to drag his aching, bloodied body up the stairs. How only 2 weeks ago, Walburga has used Crucio on him, just once, pain filling his body in nauseating waves until he thought he would die. How every sheet he owned was faded, the silk turning white because no matter how many times he vanished the blood, sometimes bleach was the only way to erase the stains. How he had passed his charms exam with flying colors because he had used every single one of the spells to hide his wounds - from vanishing charms to healing spells.

He would have ran, ran a long, long time ago ifnit wasn’t for Regulus. Because if he left, who would take the brunt of his mother’s anger? Who would she Crucio when she was drunk, carve scars into flesh when she was mad? She would hurt Regulus and Sirius couldn’t - wouldn’t - let that happen.

He let out a small breath, shifting slightly on the bed so that he was covering the blood rag that he had tossed there earlier. “I tripped,” he said, keeping his voice light. “Hit my cheek on my desk.”

Regulus regarded him with those dark eyes. “And the cuts?”

Sirius blinked. “What cuts?”

“I’ve seen you, you know,” Regulus told him, his voice too solemn for a 12 year old. “Last year, before the Hogwarts Express came. You had your shirt off and you were casting some spell - it erased the marks, I think. And you had so many scars. All over your back.”

Shit, Sirius thought, heart pounding in his chest. “I’ve had a lot of accidents,” he started.

Regulus shook his head. “It’s mother, isn’t it. She’s hurting you.”

It was like a wall broke, shattered inside of Sirius. He slumped, like a puppet with it’s strings cut, his head dropping down to rest in his hands. He felt the bed sag down next to him - Regulus had taken a seat besides him, rubbing slow, careful circles on Sirius’ back. He sniffs, throat swollen, like a stone was lodged in his mouth. “Thanks Reg.”

“I think you should leave,” Regulus says. His voice was deadly serious and for an instant he sounded older, like Sirius’ twin instead of younger brother. “I think you should run. Far away and very fast.”

Sirius’ voice is gentle, like he was soothing a wild animal. “I can’t, Reg.”

“Why?” Regulus sounded confused. “You hate it here anyway. There’s nothing more for you - you could live with James, or maybe Remus - “

Sirius shakes his head. “Because of you, Reg. At least while I’m here Mother only hurts me. But the minute I’m gone, she’ll turn her attention to you.”

“You took it,” Regulus whispers. “She hurt you. For how long, Sirius? How long has she been hurting you like this?”

“Like this?” Sirius echoes. He lets out a shaking breath. “Since I was 9.”

Regulus falls silent; Sirius could see the cogs spinning in his brain. His face hardened, his mouth setting into a hard, straight line, suddenly looking very much like Sirius did when he looked into the mirror. “Sirius. Please. She’ll kill you. You have to leave.”

Sirius smiles. He reached out cautiously, ruffling Regulus’ hair, his back screaming with the movement. They were rarely ever affectionate with each other; Sirius the rebellious child and Reguus the perfect son, but he’d always protect him. Even if it killed him, he’s protect his little brother.

“Oh Regulus,” he says, smiling fondly down at him. “You know I can’t.”