#once again we have a case of 'doing a bad thing because being selfish is easier than being good'

[bennymaxxing]

I think a reason why raiding might be appealing to some is because they've either been born into it or joined young, in which case it's all they know, or they've seen how much easier raiding is compared to farming. If you're a farmer, you work so hard on your crops and cattle only for raiders to show up and reap the rewards of *your* hard work. It IS human nature to want to help others, but if "survival of the fittest" gets beaten into your head enough and you look around to see that cruelty and selfishness is rewarded, some people will convince themselves raiding is the only way. I can even imagine what they tell themselves: "this is just the way the world works," "it's the only way to survive," "my kindness never did anything for me so why bother" "better him than me" etc. and it wouldn't be the first time people have tried to train the compassion out of themselves to be selfish without any qualms. (Also considering pre-war US was uber capitalist megacorp hell and capitalism also relies on exploitation I have to imagine the earliest of raiders were "inspired" by pre-war CEOs and the weird glorification of getting rich from the work of the poor continues into post war)

As for why raiders raid, it's probably a lot of reasons all at once. Some raiders may have no knowledge of farming, others might raid as an ego thing like "I'm the top dog and I'm gonna prove that by robbing these settlements and scaring them into submission because the weak farm and the strong take from them" or smth, but the biggest reason imo is having a farm seems to be a liability too. If you have crops or cattle that are known to belong to your gang, another gang could try to sabotage your food supply by salting the crops or killing your livestock. This might make gangs opt for raiding multiple farms so they can still get the resources without having such a weak spot within the gang, which honestly sums up raiders pretty well. They eliminate any weaknesses they have that could be exploited (assets, kindness, vulnerability) and then exploit those who have said weaknesses for their own gain, and the cycle continues.

(ik none of this is said or even implied I just like theorizing and talking about fallout lol)

have you ever noticed how Bethesda loves to imply that raiders don't want to work hard to survive, they'd rather take someone else's hard work when like..... there has to be a more nuanced reason than they're lazy, violent thugs. But it brings up a serious question, why do raiders raid? What is stopping them from settling down? Is it that prime land is taken up? Terrible soil? Lack of education? Unable to form alliance when settlements are shoot on sight? Why?

[l-in-the-light]

The most embarrassing series of posts about Lawlu you will ever read: edition Dressrosa (part 6)

Two long posts in one day?? I guess I really wanted to get into "carrying Law like a bag of treasure" mini-arc that badly haha. Love is a hurricane so let's go!

Luffy's back to his "I don't have time for this" antics. He wants to save Torao, there's no time to be idle or to waste, alright!

Luffy's done with being patient and sticking to plans. He was interested in his life to stick to only one plan anyway, which he believes is shattered now. Too bad, Viola. You're just not Law.

Luffy has enough of waiting! Faster, faster! And again, not interested in any other plans, unless they're Law's. (yes, he asks about the plan, but only to complain. He's not gonna listen)

Torao's fine! Luffy looks really happy and he calmed down a bit and does he have a slight blush here or what lol. But like I told you all, he's not interested in listening to plans and idling around. He wants to go, go, go and he isn't even trying to understand what they're waiting for. This is the Luffy we all know, the "before Law" Luffy lol.

To understand why Law says that the alliance is finished, we need to rewind to his fight with Doflamingo. He said that to protect the Strawhats. In case Law gets captured and loses (and he expected to be defeated), cutting his ties with Strawhats should make them all leave the country, right? After all they will have no more business here because the whole alliance was focused on Law's plan, and once that is no longer their business, in Law's mind it means they will leave. After all that's what pirates do. They don't care about countries, old allies etc.

I mean, if it was anyone else than Strawhats, Law would be right, wouldn't he? He just didn't know them well enough yet at this point. He probably thought saving kids at Punk Hazard was just a whim on their part, a precedence, and normally they would only do such things for their friends. And Law isn't their friend, neither is anyone in Dressrosa.

Luffy: Omg Law I missed you so much!

Law: Not this again!

Luffy wastes no time anymore and is so, so happy to be able to rescue Law it's unreal. Meanwhile Law tries to push him away, shocked that he's here.

He tries three different tactics to push Luffy away: 1. You were supposed to take care of the factory, did you do it already? 2. The alliance is no more, scram from here 3. If you rescue me, I will be your enemy!

This is probably The Moment when Trafalgar Law realized Luffy treats him as a friend, someone to risk your life for to help. Law isn't having any of that. Luffy risks his life for friends, and Law wants the exact opposite: protect him no matter what. Those two desires clash here.

Luffy almost fell for it, to be fair. But then decides he will rescue Law no matter what he's saying. He did the same for Ace in Marineford, despite Ace screaming this is not his business, so why would Law's words stop him now?

I love how Luffy calls Law selfish. I mean, he's kinda right about it. Law doesn't take into account Luffy's feelings here. And Luffy also doesn't take Law's feelings into account here. It's a battle of who will rescue the other, lol. They're so hopeless, I swear...

Law's last attempt gets completely ignored. He again is dragged into Luffy's pace here and he knows it. He lost to Luffy, again. Hence why he will allow himself to "get saved" from this moment on, which I think makes Luffy actually happy - after all Ace didn't allow himself to be saved.

And yes, the "I'll kill you" is a lie. All things Ace said at Marineford to keep Luffy away were also lies. Those are all hints for us to connect the dots here. Not that anyone believed Law here anyway lol. There's just no way he would actually harm Luffy after trying to protect him for freaking two arcs now. But he would and will say just about anything, if it has even a slight chance of pushing Luffy away.

Now we have to address the elephant in the room. Does it all mean that Trafalgar Law was suicidal and actually expected Luffy to leave him to die? Well, yes and no. Yes, because he does care for Luffy more than he cares for himself, for multiple reasons (low self-esteem might be one of them actually). Let's not forget Luffy is the life he saved in Marineford. Saving lives means everything to Law.

No, because did you notice Viola magically spawned a key to Law's cuffs? Did you notice how prepared she was in this whole arc, even handing Sanji a map to secret factory, almost like she knew that's exactly the thing they're missing in their plan? Well. I think Law lied and did visit Dressrosa before. And made Viola his secret ally, a great chess piece on the board that's capable of making her own decisions and prepared in case Law needs a backup plan (remember fake cuffs in Punk Hazard? It's the same logic applied here. Law always covers ways to recover from precarious situations/possible emergencies/mistakes). In other words, getting captured by Mingo and rescued with help of his ally, was a part of his backup plan. Yes, he planned his own capture, you heard me right. It wasn't his plan A. Just a backup plan B or C.

You're welcome if that turned your understanding of Dressrosa's plot upside down. I'm always happy to deliver! Oh if you only knew how much of Law's plan was probably obscured from us. Because I don't think Viola is his only secret ally. Ofc you're free not to believe it and just accept the old truth fandom believes in, which is Law being a selfish suicidal idiot. Let's move on for now!

Important to remember: this is Law's narration here. After all he's the only one in this group that knows what Doffy's birdcage is, having experienced it before. He has a clear PTSD moment about it and speaks his actual mind here. Which is him being terrified that innocent people will die, all because Law's plan went to shit. He's most likely already blaming himself for that. This is definitely not the result he wanted, which might be one more reason why his original plan was so indirect in dethroning Doflamingo. He was hoping to avoid stuff like this.

Luffy taking care of Law's sword <3 Busy talking with Zoro over some stuff, meanwhile Law pays attention to Doffy's broadcast, because Luffy doesn't. Those two really fill each other's blank spots, and they do so naturally.

First time Law hears that Luffy is now after Doflamingo. He reacts to it, trying to make Luffy understand that it's a dangerous decision, assuming Luffy is just swayed by emotions.

And their wishes clash again. Law tells Luffy it's better to give it up and scramble. Law no longer tries to push Luffy away, he realizes he lost that battle already. But he's still not giving up on keeping Luffy safe. Ironic, considering he's practically helpless and cuffed here (but the key to the cuffs should be nearby). Just moments ago he clearly regretted the fact innocent people got dragged into this deadly game, but here he is trying to downplay it and even disregard it as not important.

Luffy's not having any of that. Either he heard his regret before and connected the dots, or he still deeply believes Law to be a good person. He expects him to want to help this country too. If Luffy doesn't doubt Law even once, no matter what Law has to say about it, why should we? Luffy's usually the best at reading people, their emotions and judging if they're good people or not. I definitely trust him when he calls someone a good person, and i think you all should as well.

What Luffy and Law are actually communicating here is this:

Law: "This is going too far, we should stop. We might lose our lives here" (as in: I don't want you to lose your life here).

Luffy: "This is no time to be worrying about that! We're already dragged in this!" Or even... "I'm not letting you give up everything just to protect my life! I will carry your wish to save Dressrosa!" (but I doubt Law understands it this way)

Of course Law is taken aback here. He doesn't understand why Luffy is so attached to this country already or why he made his final decision already (and we might also question it with him, because we saw how Luffy respected the plan before! Not even Rebecca or fake peace could sway him! And Law apparently was more aware of it than we expected him to be). It was less than a day. He will find out eventually though, because it will keep bugging him and be constantly on his mind, hence his immediate reaction:

And now he finally gets it. Yep, it was because of food. And it will be because of food again in Wano. It's not the full reason, but oh god it is hilarious. Neverending cycle of suffering for Law continues on.

I guess Luffy's deep interest in Law is reciprocated after all. Law is also unusually interested in things concerning Luffy and stuff about Luffy seems to be always on Law's mind.

Law already knows what's gonna happen, just by hearing "the direct one!!" answer. He still is in disbelief.

Neverneding cycle of suffering. No wonder he becomes a zen monk by Wano.

And it continues. He clearly doesn't enjoy the freestyle jumping off the cliff while being at someone else's mercy or being tossed around. Luckily for him, Luffy holds him tight.

Considering how he was just so heavily manhandled, you can't hold it against Law here that he's kinda petty. Also Luffy's panic is adorable, he's like "oh no, I totally messed it up" which he usually wouldn't care much about, but now he's literally carrying Law with him, so it's no longer about his own safety (he doesn't care) but Law's (he cares about that a lot). And can I just point out since Luffy grabbed Law he never lets him go anymore? Yeah, he loses him occassionally, but never lets Zoro carry him even for a second. Nope, Luffy's gonna carry his own treasure the whole way all up to Mingo's castle and no one's gonna put hands on it!

And I believe this to be the reason. Luffy knows that the whole Doflamingo's Family got a beef with Law, but also normal citizens would be trying to get Law, and Law is still wearing seastone cuffs so can't do much. So Luffy takes it upon himself to take care of him now! And he's so overprotective he won't let anyone else do that!

And again, it's mutual. Law, despite his position, will still fret over Luffy's wellbeing all the time. My god, can they just stop being so obvious? Worry for yourself for once, Law!

He worries and worries some more and doesn't even complain when he lands face first on the ground.

Special mention for Luffy caring about innocent people, because this proves to Law that Luffy actually does care deeply about things like that! By Wano Law will accept it as the truth and Luffy's general MO.

I wonder how it felt when Luffy laughed while holding Law on his arm like that. Law must have felt him laughing through the vibrations in his own body. It's just... so casually intimate between them. Of course Law doesn't miss the chance to actually scold them both, because they do attract unneccessary troubles on them and they're already in bad spot. Law's worrying never ends!

I just wanna point it out: Luffy is falling here, but he still holds Law close, refusing to let him go.

This is here just so you can also stare at both of them lying down at the same time, because that's so rare, whenever Luffy's not on guard, Law usually is, but not here. Here they're just both little sheeps and Zoro has to step up his game instead. Maybe on some subconscious level, Law actually feels safe when Luffy carries him, because he felt safe when Corazon carried him forever ago as well.

I just love how Luffy realizes what Cavendish is up to and rescues Law. And there we go, the infamous "crewmate" debate. Let's start with Luffy. Many people assume Luffy just lied here to protect Torao, because that's the easiest option. But it doesn't take into account Luffy's personality. Luffy never jokes about crewmate's status and if he calls you one, he actually means it (yes, I do believe he tried to seriously recruit zombie tree and Kinemon's legs. He was so deeply disappointed when he found out Kin's legs aren't a seperate entity!). Luffy means every word he said here and he only voices it outloud exactly because it will help keep Cavendish away from Law. And it's not the first time the "nakama" thing is hinted at:

He says it here as well. "My crew's life is more important than flame-flame fruit". But at this point none of the Strawhats is in any immediate danger. Law though, is, indeed.

But when did Luffy start to think of Law as his crewmate? Punk Hazard? Dressrosa after he saw Law being shot? Well, my personal bet is right after Marineford. Because by rescuing him Law proved to Luffy he's a good person. And that's all Luffy needs to want someone as a crewmate. It does help though that he saw Law fight and must consider him really strong.

There's one interesting thing here though. Usually when Luffy declares someone his crewmate/nakama, he would pursue them no matter what. But in Law's case, he just... waits. Seems he wants Law to be the one to make the final decision, and until he does, Luffy will wait for him forever. You think I'm reaching? Watch till we get to Wano haha.

Funny thing is, Zoro caught up on that before Luffy even put it into words. Let's remind ourselves of Zoro's sword languague in Water 7 for a moment:

He explains he doesn't pick sides and he draws his sword a bit and closes it again ("clicking" it) to make the point. He also gives his friends a choice: they need to decide now whether Robin is an enemy or a crewmate (original uses the nakama word). Now fast forward to Dressrosa:

Zoro does the same gesture from Water 7 and it's meant for Law. He's telling him basically the same message here "choose your side, are you with us (nakama) or against us (enemy)." It's right after Luffy and Law quarrel about fleeing or staying and helping the country. Law is also a swordsman, he most likely understood the message, hence his shocked reaction, because he was faced with an ultimatum from Luffy's wingman.

And what's Law's stance on it? He clearly refused there, right? "I'm not!" but that was before he was ready to give his actual answer, so of course he would be mad, he semi-expected this is Luffy deciding things for him. He realizes just a moment later that it's actually not the case and why Luffy said it, hence he shuts up. He shares his final decision only after Zoro leaves to fight Pica and I bet you anything it was on purpose, he was avoiding giving his actual answer in front of the other. Maybe he just thinks Zoro's crazy and might indeed treat him as an enemy as the result... or maybe, just maybe, he is actually torn. I mean, he's allowed to feel confused, he just evolved from a friend to a crewmate in a matter of one hour or less.

Law's hat is on and so is Luffy's, at the exact same time. Shared solidarity <3

Law isn't often taken aback by Luffy, but here he is. I guess it's the first time he sees Luffy so stupidly stubborn over something and the realization hits him like a truck. Yes, Law, Luffy can be just as stubbornly petty as you, are you up for the competition? Seeing your face I would assume that's a "no" haha. He might later on.

Law: Too close! (he's making a very uncomfortable expression and Jeef is leaning all over him).

Luffy: Hands off and get off!!

It looks like Luffy wants to protect Law, but actually I think he's just trying to literally push the guy off so he can win the petty competition of who reaches Doffy first. I'm sure Law appreciated Luffy pushing the guy off.

But it can be also because Luffy wanted Jeef and Abdullah to get away from his treasure that he tugged on Moocy right behind himself lol.

Should we ask ourselves another question? Why is Law allowing himself to be handled this way? There are actually multiple possible reasons for that: 1. He decided that no matter what Luffy wants he will tag along with it, there's no way he's leaving Luffy alone to face Mingo 2. He actually likes being carried around (we have Corazon to thank for that) 3. He's actually too weak in those cuffs to get himself to that palace. Which would explain why he doesn't even try to sit up while on Moocy or why his guard wasn't on around Cavendish, normally he wouldn't allow himself a mistake like that, no matter how much Luffy manhandled him. Though like I said before, I don't exclude "trust" as the partial reason as well. I just don't think it would be enough to make Law stop fretting and worrying.

The love adventures of Luffy carrying Law around will continue in next part!

[flower-boi16]

Why The "Their Both Meant to Be in the Wrong!" defense doesn't work

Lately I've commonly seen this defence levidied towards the show's writing of Stolitz everytime someone critizes season 2's handling of it, and in light of the recent episode I feel the need to cover it. So let's go over why this defence simply doesn't work, shall we?

1. Their mistakes are not equal

I already made a post about this before so I'll try to keep it brief; Stolas and Blitz's mistakes here aren't equal and the show can't act like they are. Stolas mistake was sexually abusing Blitz, trapping him in a situation where he has to agree to sleep with him or he'll lose the thing he needs for his job

Blitz' mistakes are...

Being kind of an ass to Stolas in Apology Tour

Not realizing that Stolas has genuine love for him due to being blinded by preconcieved notions he's had about him

Let's break these down, shall we?

This not on the same level as what Stolas was doing

Blitz isn't even in the wrong for this. Again I talked about this before in my post about Viv's tweet but. Blitz is not in the wrong here for not believing that Stolas loves him, after all, what reason does he even have? Stolas has done nothing but sexually abuse and constantly belittle Blitz, and even those "nice things" aren't suddenely enough to balance out those bad actions, they are far too small to actually make up for the shit Stolas did to Blitz.

None of these mistakes are remotely the same level as what Stolas did to Blitz especially when you start putting in context here. Stolas was doing what he was doing to Blitz were all purely for his own selfish pleasure while Blitz' actions were more understandable once you look at things from his perspective.

You can't pretend that Blitz and Stolas' actions are somehow the same level when they simply are not. The actions from both characters should be equally as bad when you put in the context, but here it simply isn't.

2. Stolas' mistakes are never acknowledged

I've seen a lot of people trying to say that one of Stolas' mistakes here is that he "isn't self-aware enough" to realize how he treated Blitz not as a why to excuse him but to try and deny the argument that the show is victimizing him. There are two problems with this;

There isn't any actual indication of this being case within the show, this was just something that Viv made up in a tweet she posted after the full moon aired and everyone suddenely started parrotting it around. This was suppoused to be character trait for Stolas than that should have been made more clear from the narrative.

Let's say for a sec that the narrative does make it clear that Stolas has little self-awarness; well, it still fails because the show never calls this out. The show never calls out Stolas' lack of self-awarness in these scenes, if the show really was trying to hold them both accountable then Stolas' flaws here should be properly addressed by the narrative, but they aren't. It's a similar issue to Charlie from HB's sister show; the narrative is aware of the flaws the character has but it never chooses to call out or confront these flaws because it's too busy idealizing/babying the character to do that. Stolas' flaws SHOULD be addressed by the narrative if Viv really is trying to make them both flawed, but no, only Blitz flaws are acknowledged while Stolas' aren't.

That's bad writting. 90% of the blame is put on Blitz while Stolas is solely painted as someone hurt by Blitz' actions. The only time where Stolas' actions are seen as bad is when he was SA Blitz, which is good but...since it's coming alongside moments that demonize Blitz for not seeing that Stolas loves him, it runs hollow and still comes across and victimizing Stolas here as someone hurt by Blitz in spite of holding him accountable (and also because, once again, Blitz is not in the wrong for thinking this even if he has biases). The show is still directly demonizing Blitz for being hurt by Stolas' actions here, so it runs hollow.

3. Blitz still gets all the blame

People constantly complain about antis "picking sides" when you aren't suppoused to, but I don't think you can blame people for doing that when the show itself is picking sides. The show puts all the blame onto Blitz here, painting him as the one mostly in the wrong here and an asshole for hurting Stolas' feelings.

Despite what fans try to argue, the framming of the show makes Stolitz look completely black and white; Blitz is the asshole who hurt poor Stolas' feelings and Stolas is the one who maybe made some mistakes but is mostly innocent here guys! I'm really sick of people trying to argue about this being a grey reletionship when it's not, if Viv wants it to be a grey reletionship then she's doing a shit tier job at it due to the framming of the show.

Blitz is the one who the show mostly demonizes here, he's the one who the show sees as the worst person here who needs to change, while Stolas is painted as the "bigger" person. That's not mutual toxicity. If that was what the show was aiming for then the show would call them both out on their bullshit, but it doesn't.

Conclusion

Just wanted to write this quick post because I was sick of seeing this defense over and over again when it came to this reletionship. Guys, Stolitz is suppoused to be a mutually toxic reletionship, then the show's framming is fumbling it significantly. The writting for the reletionship here is just plain bad.

[ilikekidsshows]

I could never understand when people said "don't blame the character, blame the writers/writing" in a discussion/analysis about character behavior like... we're discussing about a character in a story, why would I bring the writers to the table?? I mean yeah there's some odd writing choice sometimes but still, why? Like whenever I said Marinette is super self centered and a combat pragmatic, it's always answered with "blame the writing" like???????

---

It’s a way to shift in universe blame onto an out of universe cause in order to make the character blameless. The reason the argument has become so prevalent in the Miraculous fandom is that there are no other excuses left. There's no way to justify Marinette's behavior in universe because, if we knew someone like Marinette in real life, we would have cut her off from our lives long ago. Real people would not react to someone acting like Marinette the way Alya and Adrien react to her; with infinite acceptance and patience.

While I do think it is important to acknowledge the artificiality of fictional characters, out of universe observation is not the best approach in every case where we disagree with a character’s behavior, mostly because every single fictional character ever written exists only because someone wrote them a certain way, regardless of how badly or well written they are. Using only the "the writers made her this way" approach treats Marinette as, once again, the victim, instead of the one treating the people around her poorly. It takes sympathy away from the characters affected by Marinette and gives it to Marinette instead, like the show doesn't do this enough when it ignores Marinette's victims to focus on things that make Marinette upsette.

Criticism of Marinette does bring up her writing a lot too, though. Like, I will criticize Marinette more harshly over her keeping Adrien out of the loop than Nathalie, Félix or Kagami specifically because the writers insist in interviews and on social media that her doing that was justified. It's a criticism of a writing decision while criticizing the character, because these two things can't be separated because the writers are constantly defending said writing decisions and behavior.

Marinette’s personality flaws aren't a writing mistake, they don't exist just because they writers are that bad at writing a likable main character. Marinette being selfish or self-centered is not a singular writing decision. It doesn't happen only once, so it can't be explained away with a “the writers just didn't know what they were doing in that one scene” that the stans are trying to push as an explanation. It's a consistent pattern of behavior that has been a part of the character’s makeup since the beginning. That's in-character behavior for her. The writers just used to have her realize when she was being like that and have her make up for her more inconsiderate actions.

[dulcewrites]

Fool Me Once (part 6)

Pairing(s): Aemond Targaryen x reader (kind of lol), Aegon ii x reader, Rhaenyra x Alicent if you squint

Summary: You unlock new information as you descend for Dragonstone

A/N: sooo we are getting into the fun part (imo).. the character study and canon divergence! Just fair warning that this story is not going to go exactly like f&b or like the show. There will be elements taken from both. Can go ahead and let y’all know this will not be about who sits in the end, but more the chaos to get there. This also means different povs which is exciting. This chapter is sort of prepping everything for the next phase 😎

Fmo masterlist

“This seems like a convoluted plan, just for end goal for Aegon to be King,” Helaena sits in the middle of you chambers watching you pack.

“It is not about Aegon being king,” you reply, inspecting one your dresses. You scrunch you nose up and put it back in the closet. Perhaps it is best to stay away from green during your stay.

It may not be the story you told the Hand when he gave you the go ahead to leave. He thinks this whole plot is to lure Rhaenyra into a false sense of hope. Have her taste the thing she has wanted for so long before she fails miserably. This goes far beyond Aegon at this point. Him being king would just be a unexpected change. The rightful choice in the eyes of some. The crumbling of the realm in others.

“Upsetting the succession now could lead to upheaval,” Helaena does not seem to believe you.

“Do you really think I care about Rhaenyra’s reign when my kids are involved?”

It comes out more snappy than you intended. Helaena’s shoulders drop a bit. You know Helaena is just as protective over her kids as you are of yours. If there was a chance to strike the people who hurt them, she’d take the same shot. But, you know she is worried about what Aegon being king means for her family. You sigh and run your hand over your face. Putting down the clothes, you walk and sit next to her.

“We have given ourselves enough for this family and for the realm,” you whisper. “I am done with that.”

It sounds bratty, and selfish. You have given up so much, so has Helaena and Alicent, and yet you all are still expected to take things with a smile. Pretty, accommodating, and benevolent that you have the Targaryen name. Or in your case, that you can marry someone with that last name and everything that comes with it.

If you take the swing and miss, so be it. Sitting idle while those walk all over you has done nothing but put you and your children’s safety in danger. Your natural softness taken for weakness.

“And… Queen Helaena does not have bad ring to it,” you nudge her playfully, and she snorts in reply.

“Maybe Aemond will be king, and you’ll be queen,” it’s said in a teasing tone but then she grows a bit serious. “Aegon would probably give it up… if he got something in return.”

An uneasy feeling settles in the pit of your stomach. Neither of them are ready to rule, but then again who is. Aegon would make a charismatic, even forbearing king; he has a disarming way about him that would work in his favor. Though, his inability to check his emotions would get in the way. He goes by the sound of his heart, and whims of his desires. Aemond, your painfully pragmatic husband, would rule dogmatically. But his inability to emote or to be empathetic would make him volatile… maybe even cruel.

Then you have Rhaenyra, the Realm’s Delight. Even from when you were young, all you ever heard was how lovely she is. Never how smart or capable she is to rule; it always went back to her beauty and her fiery nature. You still do not know if that was her unfortunate lot in life because of her gender or rather no one can praise her readiness, because she simply is not. And her case is not helped in your eyes with someone like Daemon in her corner.

One thing they do share is an incompetent father, so any hopes for learning how it is done was quickly diminished. Sitting on the Iron Throne may not be something that can be taught. Viserys came after Jaehaerys and Alysanne’s long reign. A reign considered to be a successful one, and Viserys seemingly picked up nothing about being proactive.

You take a good look at Helaena. If it someone you will whole heartedly miss while away, it is your good sister. Helaena, who is everything good about the Targaryen name: warm, loyal, and untamed. But also kind, and way more analytical than people give her credit for. Helaena the Dreamer… Helaena the Great.

“We could make it so you could rule.”

She gives your proposition a scrunched up face, and laugher. Sharp and bright. You know she has no desire to rule, but you can not help but think she would be good at it.

“If that is the case, you have to rule with me,” she takes your hand with a soft smile.

You imagine a world where all the men have rode off to fight their war. The women left to rule over a piles of ash, tired small folk, and elusive nobility. Two queens - just you, Helaena, and the children.

What a life to live.

A knock on the door interrupts Aemond’s reading.

“Do not come in,” he does not even look up from the book. Despite his wishes, a head of short silvery hair pops in. “I said do not come in.”

Aegon pays his brother no mind, breezily waltzing into Aemond’s study. He sits in one of the chairs on the other side of the desk with a sigh, as if he was begrudgingly summoned. Aemond tries to go back to reading, but it is hard to when his brother is staring at him expectedly.

Large, expecting eyes boring into him. He hates how much he looks like their mother in certain lights.

“What,” he finally snaps, and Aegon just smiles softly. In that warm way that makes people feel like they can let their guard down. Aegon always had way of making people feel like they are in on the joke he about to tell. Aemond has learned not to fall for the smile; he’s been on the other side of the joke too much to trust it.

“Are you going to see your wife off,” Aegon keeps his tone even, not giving anything away. His voice lifting a bit when he says wife.

Aemond tries equally hard not to let his mask slip. “No, she said it would better to do that behind closed doors.”

Something about him sending you off would defeat the purpose of it looking like you are upset enough to leave. Aemond had felt his eye glaze over a bit when you were explaining everything. When he first lost his eye, he would get head-splitting headaches. He hated taking milk of the poppy for them. Criston would tell him to turn his brain off, try not to think of the pain.

He finds himself still doing it to this day. Whenever he feels that tingle in the back of head, he clears his mind. For someone who constantly has things racing through his mind, he has gotten surprisingly good at it.

He had felt a cool hand on his forehead. You have that look in your eye you had said, hand traveling towards his cheek. You do that to Daella and Alaric too. He does not know if it a mother thing, or just a you thing.

It broke him out of his self-inflicted daze, just like how Aegon’s humming interrupts his thoughts of you now.

“I suppose that is best,” Aegon leans back in the seat casually. Aemond just sighs, waiting for the next stone to turn. He knows his brother did not come just to ask that especially when he could have just asked you himself.

Aegon seems to be lit from within. As each day passes, his brother shifts into a different person. The difference makes it hard for anyone to be upset at the cause of Aegon’s new attitude. A happy Aegon is not something anyone should take for granted.

“Is that all,” Aemond would like to get out of this conversation with his headspace in tact. The disarming charm of Aegon is often followed by deep disappointment.

Even with Aegon’s new disposition, the two of them still cannot see things the same. The deeply hidden flickers of hope Aemond has for reconcilement between him and his brother leave his body slowly but surely. It is better that way. Hold no hope, and the let down never comes.

The mirth that radiates off Aegon switches quickly.

“I just hope it was all worth it in the end,” his tone is sharp, and cold. Aemond instinctively flitches as Aegon’s large eyes bore into him. He hates how much Aegon looks like their mother in certain lights. It feels like he’s being scolded by her.

“But then again, how could it be? You have been living a great love affair that turns out to be a farce,” Aemond’s eye twitches a bit. “It is something I have always loved about you, brother. You always do things with all your might. No half battles for you; even in your fuck ups.”

And he hates how deeply his brother makes him feel. Skin crawling childhood memories rush over him. If it is one thing Aemond hates, it is the feeling of being backed into a corner.

“No whore, and wife and children to descend away with our sister and her bastards.”

For a moment, Aemond thinks about lunging over the desk at Aegon. But he knows exerting strength over Aegon does nothing now, not the way it did many moons ago when Aemond had his growth spurt. Just another notch in the post of things that made the brothers resent each other.

That reason seems silly compared to the others.

He knows Aegon is not just doing this for you, he enjoys the taunting in the way only a brother would. The same way only siblings would worry and focus on what one has over the other. A childish mindset that neither of them grown out of unfortunately.

They will always measure themselves against each other. Aegon with Aemond’s relationship with their mother. Aemond watching Aegon squander and relinquish any want for power or duty that could be attached to his name. And now you.

The words crawl up Aemond’s throat, and itch his tongue. He wants to say it so badly, what he has been thinking about ever since a couple of nights ago.

“You never even wanted her till she was upset with me,” Aemond blurts. He sounds like child. How he did when he would go to Alicent, near tears, when he was younger.

When he was young, he dreamed for the day to be older, more reassured, not to feel so small. Now he is older, and free feeling he wanted still had not come. Sometimes Aemond has to pinch himself. On the arm, on his thigh, or even on the stomach; he must remind himself that he was not one and ten anymore. He is a man grown.

Some days the pinching works. Or he hears Alaric’s babbling in the room, and he brought back to reality. He is painfully grounded to the situation when he looks at his children. Other days, like today, he thinks of you and prays for the days when he was younger and his biggest worry was gaining a dragon.

A thought he never expected to have.

Occasionally, he wishes he were Helaena. His sister has expressed the grief that comes with her visions, but Aemond would gladly switch places. If it is one thing their foolish father was right about, it is that the power of dragons is nothing compared to the power of prophecy. A dragon cannot makeup for the pure magic that has been left behind. Alys taught him that as well.

He pinches himself extra hard at thought of her.

If he could master the magic of his ancestors, he could go back and change so many things. He wonders how much good he could do… or how much damage.

Aegon does not bother to give Aemond a rebuttal to that comment. Just lets the easy smile he had on before reappear on his face. He can tell by the look on Aemond’s face that he is unraveling. Aegon might gotten their mother’s face, but Aemond got her ability to be a prisoner to their own thoughts.

“We just better hope not a single hair on her head is harmed while she is there.”

Aegon gets up and leaves after that. They important part is left unsaid and implied. I’ll come after you if she gets hurt. This is your fault.

Aemond knows his brother will just be one person in a line of people who would want his head if this all blows up in your face. That is alright.

Perhaps the brothers do have one thing in common. If something does happen, he just might beat everyone to the punch on that one.

You had expected Otto to tell Alicent about you going to Dragonstone. But, the worried look she gave you when you mentioned it told you otherwise.

It affirmed to you that he was going to leave his daughter in the dark for as long as possible. You could not decipher if it was for her feelings and safety or because he knew Alicent would shut down any activity that could be seen as treasonous to Rhaenyra’s claim.

It took Rhaenyra, who Alicent had convinced to stay a few more days, telling her that it was Baela and Rhaena’s idea to calm Alicent’s anxious attitude. Reiterating that it would be nice to have you and Daella around to balance out the male energy at Dragonstone. The lie slid out of Rhaenyra’s mouth with ease. She had given you a knowing look.

You knew better than to think Rhaenyra would tell Alicent it was because of Aemond, the reason she believes, but the easy nature in which she deceives Alicent does make you sad.

The easy nature in which everyone deceives Alicent makes you sad. And now even you are not above that.

To get rid of that sick feeling in your stomach, you convince yourself Alicent knows better than to believe everything that comes out of Rhaenyra’s mouth. The same way you believe Rhaenyra knows better than to tell Alicent the whole truth. This is how their relationship is. Half truths and arguments. Pining and pushing. You can tell by the way they smile at one another that in the end it will always be them for each other; lies and all.

Sadism and Masochism in a different kind of way.

“The King and I will miss seeing the kids,” Alicent remarked.

You had to hold back a grimace. Daella and Jaehaera would often go and see their grandsire, at his behest. Hear him ramble on and on about whatever he could remember that day; often old histories. Daella has told you she hated it because he ‘smelled foul’. The statement had made Aegon cry with laughter.

Viserys had only seen Alaric twice since his birth. The first time you had to drag Aemond with you. Juggling two big babies that day.

You had watched Aemond bite back a sneer the entire time. Even Alicent made a face when Viserys mumbled something about Alaric already having a warrior spirit like his father. You supposed you cannot blame them for their apprehension. The jovial tone of his voice nothing like what Aemond heard growing up. It only leaves a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth.

You wanted to say Viserys’ delusions were illness driven, only getting worse with age. But he has always underestimated the damage he did with his kids. Viserys underestimates a lot of things.

The second time he saw Alaric, your sweet boy had decided to spit up all over the King. Then it was Aemond’s turn to laugh.

Viserys is so out of the loop. He seems to think your trip to Dragonstone was a testament to his grand showing for Rhaenyra. That his dinner speech moved you to the point of wanting to connect to the other of your husband’s family.

It is assumed that using Baela and Rhaena as a cover was not fully convincing to Alicent.

“Space can be a treasure at times,” Alicent whispered to you, squeezing your hand. “A new beginning once you get back.”

All you could do was hum in acknowledgment and try to smile. You cannot help but wonder how Alicent will respond if you get tangible proof that Rhaenyra had something to do with Alys. Would it ruin the move to reconciliation? Would it even matter by the time Rhaenyra is to take the throne?

If you cannot dwell too much; one foot in front of the other. The preparations to set sail with Rhaenyra were all prepped.

Your night was interrupted by a knock at the door. The knuckles on the door tapping to the tune of a Braavosi song you like. Aegon.

You have to bite back a smile. The two of you have not talked since the night of the dinner. It is a strange ordeal. Going from purposely ignoring each other’s existences to now a few days of not speaking feeling foreign. He sticks his head in with a sheepish look.

Men will always come back with their tails tucked between their legs when they think it is worth it

Your mother’s words playing your head. Instead of focusing Aegon, your mind drifts to Aemond. You know it is a point of contention for them, but it is hard not to compare them. Especially when they act so differently at times. To see Aemond grovel would be a sight. Perhaps he has before… just not for you.

He says nothing when he comes in, eyes fluttering over your pale blue night gown. You sigh, tying your robe around you. For all Aegon can be when he tries - sweet, observant, loyal to a fault. He’s still same boy in his bones; easily swayed by pretty things.

“Yes, Aegon?”

He still does not say anything, instead, he pulls a small box out of his pocket and hands it to you. Shy like a child trying to evade a scolding. You narrow your eyes at him, but still open the box.

Inside was dainty chain silver. Hanging from it was a bright yellow stone surrounded by pale pink ones. You shoulders slump. It’s beautiful, and entirely too much. Much like the man who is trying to give it to you.

“Is this your attempt at an apology,” you give a weak laugh.

“No,” he waves that notion off. “I am not going to apologize for vocalizing how bad of an idea I think this is. Though I know there is no stopping you once you set your mind to something.”

You know it would be hypocritical to judge Aegon and Aemond’s paranoia towards their older sister. She has not given them a reason to have faith in her. Neither has their uncle, who only seems to show up in moments of chaos. Those feelings are reciprocated by Rhaenyra and her family towards them.

“Think of it as more of a promise,” he walks towards to you, and the box suddenly feels like it weighs as much as a horse.

Chewing on the side of you cheek, you shake your head. “I cannot accept this Aegon. You are very kind but… I cannot.”

You never want to think the worst of people; even Aegon, who you have an admittedly rocky past with. It has never been your nature, till recently. Gifts leading to promises; promises leading to expectations you don’t know if you can handle. The affection of people in the Red Keep, especially the men, constantly wane.

It is hard not to blame your mother for how you feel right now. For every drop of wisdom she instilled in you, she left touches of fragility and fear. She made sure to reiterate the importance of having powerful people, specifically powerful men, in your corner but never explained what do to when the debt comes due.

It may not be what Aegon meant but these thoughts plague you often as loyalties shift. Even the most attentive, and helpful people want something in return. What happens when those expectations can not be met? Does the goodwill dry up?

Sensing your nerves, gently takes your wrist pulling you closer. “You are not alone in this. We are all here if you need to get out of there,” he pauses for a moment before cracking a smile. “Even Aemond would hop on Vhagar if something happened.”

You raise a brow, not knowing if this is him trying to cheer you up or if he genuinely believes it. You actually think the old beast probably likes you more than your husband most days. You hold back a shudder thinking about your first meeting with Vhagar. Beady eyes following you before huffing in approval. You remember the smell of sheep on her breath.

“She likes you!” Aemond seemed so happy she did.

Things were simpler back then. Mindless courting and no pain. You had fooled yourself into thinking everything would work itself out.

As if he heard you two speaking about him, the sounds of heavy boots echo through the halls.

As if a spell had been broken, Aegon lets go of your wrist giving you.

“Remember aim for the jugular or heart, and drive through.”

You laugh and roll your eyes. Criston had preached no mercy during their lessons, and it seems to be the only thing that stuck with Aegon.

Aemond interrupts you two by coming in, stopping in his tracks when he sees you both. He blinks blankly before sighing and going over to sit.

“Have fun with that,” Aegon whispers, before leaving.

You realize he never takes back the necklace. Think of it as a promise. He never told you what that promise was.

———

When Aemond was young, he over heard his grandsire speaking to his mother about him.

“You coddle him too much Alicent,” his voice gravely. “He is never going to grow up hiding beneath your skirts. It’s probably why he had not gained a dragon yet.”

She just stood and took it because that is what his mother always does when it comes to her father, or with Viserys. She had learned the art of taking everything and internalizing it. And then she wonders why he children do the same.

Aemond is master of it. He adds to the list of things he has grown quite good at. Along with his training with the sword, and his ability to retain things he learned through reading. Showing any emotion has only failed him over the years.

The only time he finds reprieve is at night.

The dreams tend to be the same each night. You standing over him, Dark Sister in hand, and unbridled hatred in your eyes. Aemond cannot call them nightmares in good faith; he finds them too entertaining for that. He does not know how you got the sword, but that is just another exciting part about the dreams. His mother did always say he had a morbid sense of humor.

The image of you having blade to him breaks up the monotony of life. In fact, he is sure he likes dream you more than the one he sees everyday. Dream you lacks the shiny luster that the real you carries. There is something so unapologetic about the look of disgust on your face. Some nights you slit his throat, quick and to the point. A merciful kill. Other times you take his other eye. The chambers ablaze; he sees and feels the heat before everything goes dark.

“Aemond, are you listening to me,” you sigh, breaking him out of his thoughts.

All he can do is look at you. You look ethereal, back lit by the fires throughout the room. Unwavering stares is all he can give you these days. In the early days of your marriage, you used to look away when the looks were to much. Now, you just stare back; eyes tired yet soft. Perhaps it is the inability for you harden yourself that makes the dreams so welcomed. He selfishly wants you to debase yourself the way he has. Aemond knows it is in there, but you are too smart to let it show in that way.

Maybe you will come back from Dragonstone, with untamed loathing in your heart, and Dark Sister attached to you. The spirits of the mad Targaryens that roam Dragonstone compelling you to snap. The dream you and the real one will merge into something terrifyingly beautiful.

What a way that would be to go.… in fire and blood.

The departure from King’s Landing went as smoothly as you could hope. Alicent and Helaena saw you off with sad smiles. The ship pulled off, and it felt like a momentary breath of relief. Sometimes you felt locked away in the King’s Landing

“Quite watchful, is she not,” Rhaenyra laughed. At first you thought she was speaking about Alicent. You turned towards the Red Keep to see Vhagar flying a comfortable distance behind. “She will turn back, right?”

You nod perplexed, watching as Daella waves at Vhagar.

You think back to laughing when Aemond asked if Daella would miss him, and she replied with a shrug and reminded him to feed Vhagar extra sheep while she is away. His sour disposition melts when she gives him a kiss on the cheek before she sprinted to say goodbye to her cousins. You try not to shift awkwardly when he kisses you on the cheek and tells you to be safe.

Eventually Vhagar does turn back, after circling the ship a couple of times.

You go to put Alaric down for a nap in one of the bottom room. When you first had him, his silence used to worry you. Often you found yourself leaning over his cot to see if he was still breathing. He sleeps like the dead, and stares as if he knows something you do not. The stare would be slightly menacing if it was not attached to such a cute face.

Ser Quinton comes in, and quietly closes the door. He looks as uneasy as you feel. He seems to share the same skepticism everyone has about this little getaway.

“You were right about Jayne,” his voice is low as he sits on the bed next to you. “She about the tunnels. Said she was a disciple of someone named Mysaria.”

The name is so familiar but you can’t put your finger on it.

“How did you find that out?”

“Do you really want to know that,” he grimaces. The last time you saw Jayne, Quinton had lied to her and said the Queen wanted to see her. You are sure she went to the dungeons, where all the people who are accused of treason go. Your heart feels heavy at the thought of her being tortured.

It was a hard pill swallow. Jayne had been with you since Daella was born. How long had she been watching you for?

“I need you to promise me something,” you whisper to him. “If anything were to happen, I need make sure the kids are you first priority. Their safety is of the upmost importance… even if it means leaving me behind.”

Quinton frown deeply. “I am your protector, I would n-“

“And as my protector, I am asking you do this for me. Think of everything you feel for me, and do this please.”

You squeeze his arm. After a moment of silence, he nods solemnly.

You know when you have reached Dragonstone because smell is like nothing you have encountered before. Putrid almost. You thought the Red Keep was as somber as a place could get; you were terribly wrong.

The bright look that crosses Rhaenyra’s face makes you jealous. You often envious of the way the Targaryens around you moved. Viserys, despite being the king, had little care for things that did not benefit him. Aemond saunters into rooms like he owns it, Aegon followed his own rules to a fault. Rhaenyra seems to revel in the privilege that came with her name. Even Helaena had came into her own, embracing the things people see as odd.

You felt like your good was not good enough, but you think of what your father would tell you when you were young.

The best people are often underestimated, use that to your advantage.

And use it you will.

Taglist: @afro-hispwriter @blazzlynch @thenovelcarnival @lyra689 @savinasavers @cruelmissdior @lunablade @minttea07 @shintax-error @queenofshinigamis @httyd-marauders

[dallina17]

What do you think would have happened if Blitz never left Verosika?

My apologies for how long it took to answer this-

Anyways, it is difficult to say.

Like I see two possible ways it could have turned out.

The one I think would be the most probable is that eventually Verosika would have left Blitzø. If we take her words in "house of asmodeous" song literally, Blitzø didn't satisfy her in bed, which would alone have been a huge reason for Verosika to leave him, since she would have not felt comfortable with someone that wasn't reciprocate in bed.

"Yeah, but when it was my turn (my turn, my turn). He did no reciprocatin' (what a dick-bag). A selfish imp in the sheets"

But lets say that those words were a lie to hurt Blitzø even more. Because lets be honest, Verosika would have instantly leave someone that bad on the bed + plus I don't think she would date anyone without having sexual relationships at least once before dating and she would not date someone that isn't good in bed + we know that Blitzø makes a huge effort to satisfy his partners in sex.

The real reason why I think that Verosika would have left Blitzø it's because she got tired of his insecurities. The reason why Blitzø left Verosika in the first place was that he was afraid that she was eventually going to be dissapointed with him, get bored and leave him, so he left her first. This same fear would be the reason why Verosika would have eventually leave him, because such self-doubts can be tolerated until certain point and she would reach her limit eventually, prioritize her mental health and leave him. Not everyone has the patience that Stolas has had with Blitzø and even him got tired of Blitzø self-doubts (cries in Full Moon)

With this route, nothing would change much, except for Blitzø being even more self-conscious, self-doubting and with firmer convictions that he is unlovable, because he has even more proves now. Which would make him reject Stolas even more, deny Stola's feeling with more conviction and overall be confident that no-one will ever love him and that he is anything but a toy. He is already like that in canon but this time it will be thousand of times worst.

Okay but, lets talk about the route where Verosika and Blitzø manage to get ahead with their relationship and are dating when Helluva Boss starts. For this to work, I think that Blitzø should have worked a lot on his self-esteem and accept that people won't just leave him, and if they do, is not because he is the problem and makes everything worse, is just how relationships sometimes go (because I can't really see Verosika keeping with Blitzø's bullshit that long). So we would have a Blitzø more confident with himself and not self destructing that much. Still, he would still have some self-doubts that would lead to fights with Verosika, but they would manage to make their way through it.

In this route, Blitzø would have not had a necessity to use Stola's book, since Verosika could help him to get to Earth and have his bussiness. I can even see Verosika being an active part of the business and atracting clients so Blitzø and M&M could kill them. Meanwhile, Blitzø would absolutely be part of Verosika's orgies.

Sadly, this means that Stolas would still be as depressed as he was before meeting with Blitzø again, stuck in that toxic marriage with Stella and, overall, hating life. The only positive side would be that his relationship with Via would have not gotten damaged because of his infidelity, but that also means that Via would still be living in a lie where she doesn't know how miserable her father is so... yeah.

I can see Verosika getting along with Loona. Don't quite see her treating Loona like a daughter, but I definetly see her hanging out with Loona, talking her about things (sex presumably), introducing her to hellhounds and just overall being really close.

Maybe in this case Blitzø would not be that obsessed with Moxxie and Millie relationship, thou he would still observe them to time to take notes on "how not to mess my relationship with Verosika". Perhaps Verosika would join him because she thinks is fun.

The real problem is that, in this route, maybe Blitzø doesn't make amends with Fizzaroli which is a HUGE part of Blitzø path to healing, forgiving himself and be a better person imp. Is because Stolas they end up talking again and making amends. But maybe Verosika takes Blitzø to Ozzie's and convinces him to talk with Fizz and they reconciliate soooo... :D

In short, in this universe Blitzø would be in a better place that he is in canon at the beggining and have a sort-of-stable relationship with Verosika and be happy with it, while still having some struggles, doubts and guilt getting in his way to fully healing. Would Verosika help him to overcome that? I am not sure, but they would try to make the best of what they can with their relationship.

Ty for asking! I had fun writing this!

[innitmarvellous]

Yeah, I know, I said the last ace rant was the final part, but the third aspec book I read ('Sounds Fake But Okay') annoyed me again, lol. It wasn't all bad, but some bits...

Except that it doesn't? It never has? People say they love their friends or their family, or a character from a TV show? Or also idk, God or Jesus if they're religious. None of these imply romantic love even without specifying anything.

Well, good for her, but that's not much of a comfort, isn't it? So we'll inevitably die alone, but we don't need to fear that because we can still have friends - who'll desert us once they find a partner. Yes, well, that's certainly very nice :/

Lol, maybe that's why my existence is so "unrecognisable" then. Because I literally didn't have any friends before I started to use social media etc. And even know my biggest fear is too annoying, too boring, too whatever else for everyone - and I have a hard time to make out whether the people I consider friends consider me as such too 😭

Well, this part was at least relatable, even if I never thought about this before. Then again, it might have been the other way round for me. Being a girl/woman was literally never very important for me, and I never felt the need to adhere to gender norms just because it's expected. E.g. I never thought I needed/wanted to be pretty to be attractive for men. So it sort of did felt like things made sense when I realised that there is indeed no need for me to attact anyone with my physical looks.

---

The chapter about QPRs made me realise that this isn't an option for me either. The insecurities around this form of relationship would be simply too much for me. Like, having to agree on what the relationship looks like, what kind of things would be alright or not alright (re physical contact and all kinds of intimacy etc), how long it might last and all that...it would be near impossible to agree on anything like that once I would put in my wishes in that regard. Because it wouldn't feel right to push my demands on someone else, and yet I'm way too selfish because I also wouldn't want to live in a way another person wants me too. So...I think that's another dream I might as well bury right now, before I got into it too much. ^^

---

Yet another general thing: the books usually mentioned that we should think about what we would expect from a relationship and I did give this some thought. I think the main - and honestly almost only - prerequisite for me would be that any potential partner would accept me as I am. Well, and some mutual trust would be high up on the list, too. That's literally all I need, I think. I wouldn't mind if e.g. in case it's an allo person and they would have someone else to fulfill their sexual needs or whatever, as long as I could be sure of still having a relationship based on trust with them.

Yes, I know that this is already asking for way too much. I'm only too aware of that, so maybe it's understandable why I'm so frustrated. I know I should do it, but I'm too selfish to lower my standards, so there isn't much hope for me and I hate it :/

[amayadartan]

14

Chapter 13

Arch makes a revelation....

In pic starting from top and going clockwise - Arioch, Olly, Cruz, Abriella, Dartan, Arch, and Amaya in the center

“Would anyone like the good news or the bad news first?” Arch asked, looking around the room and now seeing they had been joined by Arioch. “And don’t you ever do anything like that again, or you’ll not be the one having fun in Caligo.” There was something about the glow that flashed around the mage that made everyone a bit uneasy; and Arioch just nodded, not sure he wanted to find out what the fuck the mage really was.

“Bad. At least that way the only way to go is up.” Olly finally answered. He figured someone had to, and he wanted to get Dartan away from Amaya as soon as possible.

“We are going to need to keep them closer together.  If he’s far from her again, we’re going to have a repeat of the asshole’s behavior.  I’m sure they can be in different rooms, but not different wings of the castle.” Arch answered, which made every other male’s jaw tick. “However, I believe that I’ve figured out the key to why they are here.” Brows rose and glances were exchanged around the room.  “The spell worked exactly as it should have.  Whether she was to be bound to Dartan “Dar-tan” or an angel “Dare-ten” is debatable, but the spell worked exactly as it was designed.  The spectre is just an egotistical asshole, and she the unwitting victim of a pronunciation issue.”

Abriella’s brows knit together.  “It was a protection spell for her hunting for some kind of relic from Earth.  Why would they now be in Imperium and bound together as mates?”  The logic was escaping her, but she was sure Arch had figured that out as well.

“Whatever it was she was looking for, it’s now here for some reason.  It wouldn’t be the first mystical or magical item from Earth to find its way down here.  It could even be in the Palace itself, although I have a feeling it’s closer to wherever they were teleported in at.”  Abriella nodded in understanding, now starting to put the pieces together.  “Binding the angel or asshole, in this case, to her ensures that the weak human doesn’t die here or get abandoned because the selfish prick decides to trace off home.  This explains why Dartan couldn’t trace with or without her, and why none of us could do so with either of them as well. It also explains why he can’t be far from her, if he tries to abandon her, he goes insane and has to get back to her.  His presence was there to be protection.” Arch explained as Abriella and Cruz both rubbed the bridges of their noses in unison, something that amused him.  Sometimes for being so different in personality, they were very much the same in action.

“So, how do we break it?” Olly asked, still not happy about the fact that Dartan would have to be moved closer to Amaya. Currently he had put himself physically between the two of them. He was going to see to her needs and protection personally, and once it was over, he’d take care of her in Imperium.  He’d already made up his mide.  Fuck the spectre and whatever he wanted.

“She has to find whatever she was looking for.  Wherever it is here in Imperium, until it is found, she’s bound to him.”  Arch said plainly, as if it was the most simple thing in the world.  

"Is there any way to keep this idiot from getting her killed?" Olly asked, looking over to where Amaya lay in the bed.  Dartan already seemed to be doing a fine job of injuring her, she didn’t deserve to die because her spell was fucked six ways to Sunday.  It would be easier if they could just kill him and keep her safe themselves.  He and Arch would be able to do it.  Maybe even draft Cruz into it.

"Abriella or Cruz are going to have to make her immortal.   We can't let her go back topside anyway, not after all she's seen down here and could accidentally spill.  She can't live out the rest of her life down here as a human, she’s too fragile.  It’s not like we don’t have other newb immortals."  Arioch's voice from behind Olly had all heads turning.   He wasn't wrong, and they all knew it.  

"He's right.  Like your friend Delilah, she will need to become immortal and reside in Imperium from now on." Arch agreed.  It seemed new residents were multiplying faster than rabbits in the Palace.  Or chinchillas, given the gardens newest residents. 

"That will not be a problem, it’s done.  Who is going to help her with that adjustment?" Abriella looked around the room expectantly. She knew her friends, those not already helping others who had just arrived in Imperium would no doubt help, and even some of those who were helping probably would pitch in.

"I can as we're searching." Dartan’s dejected voice came from the floor.  As much as he'd been infuriated at her for fucking up his life, at least it would go back to normal when it was over.  Hers was now forever changed. 

"NO!" Arch's voice was firm and at a higher volume than normal.  He was quite sure he was not the only one in the room that felt that way, but would currently be the one with the most tact. "Olly and I will both help her.  You will just stay close enough to retain your sanity, and Arioch will make sure you stay in line" Arch turned to face the spectre.  "I understand you did not ask to be involved in this, nor did you intend for her to be injured by your actions…TWICE…but things are as they are.  When this is done and you go back to your life, she will stay with us.  We will help her.  Cross me and I will make you regret it, eternally."  Again Arch glowed and everyone, including Cruz and Abriella, backed up. 

Arch turned to Olly, their eyes meeting for a brief second and there was something unspoken that passed between them.  "I will go prepare the room next to my old one for her.  I'll move back to it for a while.   That old wing will be quiet and peaceful." Olly nodded to Arch then turned and headed off leaving Arch to finish up anything else that needed done for Amaya.  

Cruz's eyes narrowed at his oldest and closest friend slightly. "Isn't that just down the hall from your potions lab, Arch?"  His head tilted.

Arch winked before turning back to Abriella. "You know, old friend, I think you might be right.  How fortunate.  I might have to move to my old room right off it."  He didn't even try to hide his grin.  "Now, how long before we can remove her from the infirmary, dear?  I don't want our guest to feel like a prisoner."  

Abriella had to fight laughing.  No one could ever say that the males in the palace were not devious, or that she did not adore every single one of them for it. "Tomorrow.  And we will need to get Dartan set up with quarters down the hall.  Far down the hall." She sighed and looked to the spectre, "the only reason no one is going to cause you pain is that we now know that it will cause her pain.  I can only guess that you were spared the effects of the mushrooms because you lacked a corporeal form.  However, let me assure you of something, you pull another stunt like today and once the spell is complete, I will take supreme satisfaction in introducing you to my demons in Caligo. You will behave and remember that she did not ask for this situation any more than you did.  And she is NOT your wife."  Abriella’s eyes swirled silver then went completely black before returning to their normal hazel.  A sardonic smile graced her lips before her attention turned to Amaya and her expression softened.   A soft kiss was placed on the human's forehead then the Queen disappeared.

[sweetestpopcorn]

How do you feel about Snape from Harry Potter? Do you think that he is similar to Ser Criston Cole in some ways?

Hi there and sorry for this huge delay... I wish you a very I live in shame.

I am going to begin by making it clear this answer concerns ONLY the asoiaf canon (books), so any redacted fans kindly move along. Thank you.

So, I don't see how anyone would think that Snape is in any significant way similar to Criston Cole. Yes both are ambitious, cunning in a sense, and brave, but who they are at heart, their journey and their ending is world's apart.

The whole point of Severus Snape as a character is that he starts of being presented to us as a villain of sorts - from Harry's perspective - even looks wise, he is a typical villain. The way he dresses, the greasy hair, not very handsome (to be kind), his beak of a nose. His House, Slytherin, another token of his evil ways if you would. Another clue that he's bad. What we come to find along the way is that actually, it's not as easy as that.

Severus Snape is a grey character, perhaps as grey as it can get. He has done some very selfish and reprehensible things, and at the same time, there's a lot of good in him, bravery as well. The beauty of it is that it does not erase any of the bad that he has done, or it is if people can understand nuance it only adds to the complexity of his character, because you can do good things and have qualities and still choose wrong at times and be a less than good person. It's good. It's human. It's amazing writing and understanding of the human heart at conflict with itself.

That's not the case with Criston Cole. Unlike with Snape, there's no redemption for him, and besides his skill as a fighter and military commander, and his bravery since he never once backed down from a fight, there's really no redeeming qualities to him. He's not a character who changed but rather one who revealed himself and didn't reveal anything good. He's not grey, he's a villain. A good villain for sure, as his physical appearance - at least when he was young - does not let on about his rotten nature. Unlike the villains we are used to reading about, he's young at the start, charming, handsome. He has black hair and green eyes, very much a Baratheon look, and Robert too was once described as being a maiden's dream. Criston's occupation would also speak of honour and high character, he's a man of the Kingsguard. His death, however, and his decisions, speak for themselves and he's a very good example of a "show don't tell" sort of villain. Nothing bad about him is ever told, but everything is shown -> using a child to move up in the world, being a creep to said child, turning on a woman he was said to love when she does not live up to his twisted version of her, spending the rest of his life trying to destroy her, and lastly dying in a pathetic way.

About their relationships with the women they "loved", there's very little if anything in common.

Snape and Lily started out as friends. They were the same age and went to school together. Snape knew what Lily was, he knew that she was like him, and he liked her. It's finding another like him that first draws him to her. They became friends but for the most part, they had a very clear view of who the other one was, there was little delusion. Lily liked Snape but she was not afraid to call him out when she thought he was in the wrong. For the most part I would say they have a healthy friendship. Lily was maybe at times not the friend Snape wanted but the one he needed. Their final break in a sense shows this and how much Snape had lost himself, and to this, Lily was never blind. Even then though, and even through his humiliation, Snape never stops loving Lily, in a selfish way sure, but he never tries to harm her directly and he continues to try to protect her, again in a selfish way, but he does. It's only love from him to her, and Lily liked him very much, as a friend yes, but she did until she realised, or decided, he was going down a path she could not condone.

Criston and Rhaenyra are a completely different story. They were "friends" of sorts once, but more like in a companion sort of way and they were certainly never similar, this is not what first draws either of them to the other. Criston starts of as a grown man who takes advantage of a little girl - Rhaenyra was 8 and he was 23 - and tries to woo her to get a position at court and later on as a member of the Kingsguard, by means of being a favourite of the King's daughter. He watches Rhaenyra grow, being very clear that she had a major crush on him, uses this to his advantage and later on starts to develop feelings for her as well. Then, when she destroys his image of her - by either not being a poor maiden and rejecting the saviour that the white knight wants to be, or by trying to seduce him, depending on the version you believe - he turns vicious and starts to hate her. I would not call it love turned hate as much as I would call it a sort of obsession turned hate. And between them, I would say there was a mutual deception much more than a true friendship. Once it vanishes, Rhaenyra forgets about him and cuts him off and he hates her and tries to destroy her until the end of his days.

The dynamics between the Criston and Snape could not be more different. The development of the two characters are worlds apart as well, and where they start too.

I see nothing in common or at least nothing that is worthy of note, or of creating parallels between them that are not hollow and cheap - like most parallels are tbh.

Characters who resemble Criston and his obsession would be much more along the lines of Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) or Leôncio (Escrava Isaura). There is something of bookJorah Mormont in him as well, though the two start in opposing ways in a sense, and there's also definitely something of Humbert Humbert (Lolita) about him with how different his version of Rhaenyra is from the real her. But in a way Criston is none of them, I think he's more complex still in a way that he's a villain. It's very subtle and not said, and it's important to note he would never be painted in too bad a light since he was on the side who got to write history - though it's pretty clear Eustace doesn't like him as he was willing to throw him under the bus, which is very interesting - which leads too many people to thinking there has to be more.

No, there isn't. There's doesn't need to be. Not every twisted person is deranged and in your face evil, and some villains - the best ones - think of themselves as doing the right thing, as the heroes of their story. As a Kingmaker, giving the crown to the one they deem worthy. And not every villain needs something to have triggered him to "become" evil, something many seem to think needs to have happened with Criston Cole. And if I can add, this idea that there's a switch that turns us evil or good is quite dangerous. Like I said before, from the start he knew what he was doing, he was ambitious, he knew what he wanted, and whatever his reason for turning on Rhaenyra was, it has to do with how she affronted him and destroyed his image of her.

In a way perhaps Snape and Criston can be a lesson of sorts. In the first you have someone you would naturally think a villain, in the second, you have someone you would naturally consider a hero. But the twist is, that the hero might be a bitter not very attractive man who did a lot of wrongs, and the villain might be the once charming and handsome white knight who used a little girl and then wanted to destroy the woman she became.

[thegirlking]

The reality of leaving a toxic family and why I’ll always sympathize with Bruno’s decision.

Just finished my third rewatch of Encanto (mostly because I hadn’t watched it with Bulgarian dub but anyway), and it reminded me once again why I relate to Bruno’s character so much.

Because I have very real, personal experience with distancing myself from a dysfunctional family and a toxic parent in particular, so his situation hits a little too close to home.

So, here’s a few thoughts on Bruno’s situation and why it actually mirrors plenty of real people’s experience (including mine).

Let’s get one thing out first: the movie itself does not really frame his decision as leaving a toxic family situation, but rather as a kind of sacrifice he had to do to protect Mirabel from the prophecy – but that’s a very surface reading of it. In reality, no child should need any “protection” from their literal family and there’s something very wrong with that family if that’s the case. The fact Bruno felt he couldn’t trust his own mother with the prophecy, the fact he was certain everyone will assume the worst of it and feared the consequences it could have for Mirabel, is a massive red flag that he was in some kind of toxic situation.

And no, I don’t mean that he was openly mistreated by anyone – let me elaborate.

Love, toxicity and more – are you “abused enough” to justify making such an extreme decision?

In general, there is still a lot of stigma about leaving your family – the intensity of that stigma greatly varies by culture, of course. But there’s a certain idea of what’s an acceptable situation that requires cutting contact, usually when we talk about pretty extreme cases of abuse (and even then some people can be unsympathetic about it).

When we talk about a purely dysfunctional family, rather than a flat out abusive one, things get a lot more complicated. You could very well feel you don’t have it “bad enough”. You might convince yourself that you are being too sensitive for being hurt, that you are being selfish for wanting to leave. They are your family and they love you after all. Right?

Unfortunately, love and toxic behavior are not something mutually exclusive. That’s something people in general still struggle to understand and it’s a very harmful misconception. It’s very common excuse people make for their behavior, especially in case of familial relationships, that they can’t possibly be toxic to someone if they love them. It’s also something that prevents people from recognizing that they are in a toxic situation.

In Bruno’s case, even though we don’t have a full detailed context and backstory about his life before leaving, I tend to assume he wasn’t viciously abused by his mother or flat out mistreated by anyone else. See, I’m not one of those people who demonize Alma or the Madrigal family in general – of course they aren’t some kind of monsters and they love each other despite everything, I’m sure they actually loved Bruno. But as I said, love can coexist with toxicity. 

Ultimately, my point is - the fact Bruno was loved and not flat out abused by his family also doesn’t mean the situation can’t be toxic and harmful to his mental health. There are very serious red flags (both within the actual movie canon and additional information from the creators) that his situation was indeed bad. It’s clear he had already been isolating himself from the family for a while, that things were like that for years and nothing ever improved. This kind of environment is definitely unhealthy enough to cause someone to walk away.

Leaving isn’t easy and it isn’t pretty – people are going to be hurt

Now, let’s address one common argument about why what Bruno did was wrong – he left suddenly without any explanation, without as much as a note, and that was a seriously hurtful thing to do, especially for his sisters.  

I don’t disagree with this sentiment at all. Of course, the way he handled things was far from ideal and the family is also allowed to be hurt by it. And still, I don’t exactly condemn him for it. What he did may not be the "right" way to handle things, but it’s very realistic.

Leaving a dysfunctional family isn’t some kind of a wholesome affair where they pat you on the back and throw you a farewell party. A lot of people will prefer to cut off contact over time without properly talking things out, usually because they fear the backlash, don’t want to see the hurt reactions, and don’t want to hear the harsh words that would inevitably be exchanged. Having a direct confrontation with a toxic family about cutting ties with them can become very rough and even escalate a toxic situation into something far worse.

Going back to Encanto - curiously, we have an actual proof that things could have gotten very ugly if Bruno tried to confront Alma before leaving – you know that cut scene from the early development of the movie? The one called “Chores”, where we get to hear about the tense exchange Alma had with Bruno (named Oscar back then) before he left and what they said to each other? Sure, this exchange is very far from canon, but it does show what could have potentially went down.

Furthermore – does the hurt you cause by leaving erase the hurt caused to you?

Continuing from my last point. The family was undoubtedly hurt by Bruno’s decision to leave. That would still have been the case even if he handled things better.

Of course, when there’s still love present in the family, despite the toxicity, the family is not going to want you gone and would be naturally hurt by such a decision.

That’s exactly why it’s so difficult to make the decision - because you don’t want to hurt those people you actually still love. That’s why when you actually make the decision you might feel enormous guilt and shame about it. You might feel selfish, cruel and ungrateful. You might begin to question your own reality and your whole past experience. And you can definitely see that guilt in Bruno too, especially during his reunion with the family in the end – his nervous body language and rush to apologize (without expecting the same in return) speaks volumes and is frankly a little sad to watch.

The family's hurt is valid and justified, I'm not denying it - that also doesn't mean Bruno was somehow the bad guy who selfishly and heartlessly abandoned them. And it certainly doean't mean the hurt he caused them erases his own hurt and trauma. While such extreme criticism of his actions is thankfully uncommon, I do see some discussions that go into such direction and it rubs me the wrong way, because it feeds into the stigma about walking away from your family and it's just insensitive and potentially hurtful to real people's experience and trauma.

So, in conclusion, here’s the very harsh truth. Sometimes you need to prioritize yourself and your own well-being. Life is not a Disney movie after all and sometimes toxic relationships can’t be properly repaired, not even with your own parents. And the fact you are going to hurt someone by leaving does not mean the hurt they caused you (intentionally or not) no longer matters.

[aishangotome]

Minamoto No Yoritomo: Chapter 21 His POV

Chapter 21

♡———♡

Yoritomo, leading his squad, charged down the mountain and defeated a unit of Yoshitsune's army.

Yoritomo: The path is clear! Let's head for Morinaga's squad.

Soldiers: Yes, sir!

The soldiers raised their voices in joy.

Yoshino, sitting in front of Yoritomo on his horse, also raised her voice in excitement.

Yoshino: Yoritomo-sama! We made it through...!

(She endured it well, too.)

Remembering how she didn't utter a single complaint, I wanted to praise her more.

(It's a shame I can't do that in this situation.)

Yoritomo: Yes. It went well. That is, if nothing else happens.

Yoshino: Is there a possibility of something happening?

Yoritomo: Who knows. But it's part of my job to consider the worst-case scenario.

(Otherwise, I and my retainers would end up dying in the wilderness.)

I suddenly noticed Yoshino staring at me as if she wanted to say something.

(Did she sense that I was thinking about something unnecessary?)

Reflexively, I wanted to tease her, so I grinned.

Yoritomo: What is it? You look like a dog trying to read its master's mood.

Yoshino: ...!

Yoshino's face immediately turned sullen.

Yoritomo: If you were a dog, I guess it would make sense why you're so comfortable to hug.

I looked down at Yoshino's body nestled in my arms...

Yoshino: Dogs are fluffier than me!

(What a strange way to retort.)

Amused, I ruffled Yoshino's hair.

Yoritomo: You're fluffy too when I do this.

Yoshino: ...You don't have to pat my head every time.

(To think that even her face when she barks and bites back is cute,)

(I must be quite smitten.)

As if giving up on arguing, Yoshino readjusts her hood, which had been blown by the wind.

(I have to protect her.)

I vow to myself once again, but...

(That being said, a lot of unexpected things keep happening.)

The "worst-case scenario" I didn't reveal to Yoshino, of course, included my own death.

(I have the pride of being an essential figure in the shogunate. That's why I have no intention of dying needlessly.)

But I haven't lived a life so easy that I can say with certainty that I will survive.

(Before that happens, there's something I need to tell her.)

Yoritomo: Yoshino.

I thought about how to start and then quietly called her name.

Yoshino: Yes?

Yoritomo: I'm sorry.

Yoshino's eyes widened as she turned around.

Yoshino: Um... Did you eat something bad by any chance?

Yoritomo: Of course not. What kind of response is that?

(Is it that unusual for me to apologize?)

Yoshino: It's true that it's not right to treat people like dogs, but Yoritomo-sama's harsh words are a regular occurrence, aren't they?

Yoritomo: You fool. That's not what I'm talking about.

Yoshino: Then, what is it...?

(You have no idea, do you? That's so like you.)

I couldn't help but give a wry smile at Yoshino's blinking eyes.

Yoritomo: I'm going to end up putting you through more than I expected.

Yoritomo: It was my selfishness that dragged you, who was living a peaceful and happy life, into this turmoil.

Yoritomo: I intended to take responsibility and protect your safety from the beginning, though.

(It was my fault that Yoshino had to experience pain and sorrow that she could have been spared from.)

Yoshino: ...What's wrong? It's not like you to say such things.

Yoritomo: Maybe so.

(It's precisely because of times like this that I wanted to tell you.)

(The dead can't speak, can they?)

I gently lifted the corners of my lips and touched Yoshino's cheek.

Yoritomo: Yoshino, I will make sure you return alive. ––No matter what.

It was both an apology for bringing an innocent woman to the battlefield and a testament to my affection for her.

Yoshino coughed softly, as if she couldn't bear it anymore.

Yoshino: I... I want you to live too.

Yoritomo: How cheeky.

(I'm sorry. I can't affirm those words right now.)

(I'll do my best to make sure that doesn't happen, though.)

Reluctantly, I let go of Yoshino's cheek.

(If this is our last touch, it will be a very disappointing one.)

––If I were to die, this woman would cry.

The thought of not being able to wipe away her tears sent a chill down my spine.

.

.

.

.

.

Chapter 22

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[almadesarrollo]

THE DESIGNS ARE JUSTIFIED IF YOU UNDERSTAND HOW THE SERIES WORKS (REVERSED MIRCULOUS special)

As you know, the Miraculous special, the adventures of shadybug and clawnoir, will be released shortly, and I am obliged to comment on a controversy that has arisen with Adrien, as you know, my first post is trying to explain how the show works and what It is what people do not understand and why it is so criticized, well here I come again to explain a little about the controversy of the special and why Thomas' decision seems appropriate to me.

The controversy: about 2 or 3 days ago, the official designs of Adrien and Marinette as well as their alteregos came to light, the response from the fandom with Marinette/Shadybug was quite good, but Adrien/clawnoir, no, he Clawnoir's design seems to have been passable FOR some, but it was with Adrien's design that everything got messed up, and it received a lot of negative criticism, for example not being attractive, not pretty, etc. Defense of the show Thomas spoke out on Twitter and said: "It is not important that it is pretty, but that it serves to tell the story", which made the fandom criticize even more the attitude of Thomas and those who designed said designs. like "how little creativity and imagination"....

Well, once I know this, I'm going to try to explain why Adrien looks like this, Adrien looks like this, because that's what the puzzle requires and for you to be able to form it, a certain aesthetic is necessary, otherwise, nothing would fit....it's not necessary. of imagination or creativity, it is not laziness, nor a little love for the series. On the contrary, they are demonstrating the great work behind it by trying to make everything fit (it is not easy, this is like setting up a comecocos) come on, the appearance is The right one.

Through certain characters we can see what their future will be like or more or less where they will go, in this case through Jagged Stone we can see a little where Adrien will go in attitude, what do we know about Jagged? Well, to begin with, he's a crazy rocker, but the most important fact is that he and Anarka were together and then they divorced, basically because Jagged chose his music before his family and that's why he abandoned Luka and Juleka, so he's someone. quite irresponsible and childish as well as someone very spontaneous, extravagant and charismatic...all this is what Adrien/Chatnoir is and is becoming...so knowing this they present us with the design of the reverse where the good is bad, it looks like half punk and rocker with an aesthetic very similar to jagged, but also with the same makeup, oh well, what a coincidence, what does this say? He is giving us the clue and confirming that this is the way Adrien takes, yes, our Adrien is going to shoot, it doesn't mean that he will look like this in the future, but he doesn't give a small clue that he is going to be selfish, very childish and irresponsible and will think of himself above others (we can already see this a little in chatnoir).

Is it horrible? I'm not going to lie, yes it is horrible, but that won't matter, it serves to give the clue and continue putting together the puzzle and continue making theories, THAT'S WHAT MATTERS, THIS IS THE REST OF THE SERIES, and of course Thomas He has been very clear about that in his tweet, he is already telling you, he is telling you how the series works, if you are going to watch Miraculous expecting the other thing, then this may not be your series, because this is how it works otherwise, nothing fits then that's when there REALLY WILL BE SCRIPT HOLES.

Conclusion, Adrien/Clawnoir's design is correct and everything fits perfectly.

Later, I will write a post talking about the topic "design recycling" and why this really happens, since it is a similar case.

[armpirate]

The Only One || JJK || Ch. 29

Pairings: mafia!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, mafia, contract relationship

Warnings: Prostitution, torture, blood, use of drugs and weapons

Summary: You've always wished for a better life. Every single day at work, you were hoping something would change. Although you didn't think that change would come in the form of one mysterious man and a contract.

His controlling and selfish behaviour only wanted to keep you away from any other man that wasn't him, and you only had to wait for him.

Too bad you really thought you'd be smarter than Jeon Jungkook.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Aprox. time of reading: 11 minutes

Jungkook was sitting on the armchair, gaze lost somewhere in the room as he tried to understand how the attack happened. Although it intrigued him even more trying to understand who was behind it. The two possible men flew over his head, with all their reasons they had to try to harm them. 

He knew Namjoon though. A quick visit would have done the trick with him, assuring himself that everything was fine and under control. But ever since he lost Busan, his way of acting could've changed as well and turned more extreme. And if that were the case, were the other members aware of what he was doing?

Y/n, who rolled on the bed looking for his warm body, found nothing when she tried to reach him with his arm. Sitting on the bed, she looked around, barely being able to distinguish the different figures inside the room. 

She found him in the same place again, with his chin resting over his knuckles while his other hand hung over the armrest. It had been three days since they had to go into hiding after the attack, and somehow Jungkook always managed to end up in the same place and in the same position. 

—You still thinking about that?

Her voice from behind interrupted whatever conclusion he tried to reach, making him turn his head to get a short glimpse of her body when he looked over his shoulder. 

—I'm still thinking about several things —he pinched his temple—. And one of them is that we can't be hiding here forever. Whoever sent that shooter, knows I'm alive. And if it is who I think it is, probably he knows where we're hiding anyway. 

Aside from that, Jungkook had also received an anonymous note under his door. He thought it was a random notice, or maybe even a commercial pamphlet. But when he saw the printed sheet of paper, and read that it said the person responsible for their attack would be at a party in the Watchtower, he felt tempted to go. Of course he wouldn't tell her that, because if he did, he'd have her trying to convince him not to go there. And she'd be right on whatever she said. It was the best way to put a dartboard on his back once he stepped inside that building. 

—So, what's the plan? —she entered his view, sitting on the small coffee table in front of him.

—I'll contact Yejun so he looks after you while I'm away —he mentioned, bending forward to be closer to her—. It's better to show it didn't affect me, even if I have to walk around with a paralyzed arm. 

Y/n looked at him, seeing the determination in his eyes. It was no surprise that Jungkook was planning on going somewhere by himself, while he kept her hidden in that old apartment. But if he thought she'd be okay with that decision, and stay still, then he definitely didn't learn a single thing the three months they spent together. 

—You must be high, because I'm not letting you go out by yourself while I stay here without doing anything.

Jungkook tried to intimidate her by giving her an annoyed look, but he found her keeping her eyes on him, with thin lips and clenched jaw. Y/n wasn't going to hop off that horse, even less when he was injured and in danger. 

—If you make me stay here, I'll find a way to get out and go with you either way. You know that.

It pissed him off how right she was about that. Even if he locked her inside that house, while Yejun watched the door, she probably would find a way to break the window and get out of there. Getting her to do something she didn't want to do would end up being more dangerous than just taking her with him. 

—You annoy the shit out of me —he chuckled, rubbing his thumb in circles over her exposed knee. 

—Honestly, it's my only purpose in life —she joked.

—You know you don't need to prove anything, right?  

She nodded slowly. She didn't have to prove she was by his side after everything they went through. It wasn't a matter of proving herself to be worthy of his trust, but to defend and protect the same person that had always protected her, even when she kept taking all the wrong decisions she could come up with.

—I just want to make sure nobody hurts you before I'm able to.

Pulling her closer, Jungkook spread his legs a bit more to allow her body to fit in between them as they kissed. While their lips sucked into one another, his hands dragged her body off the table to place her over his lips, groaning during the kiss when he felt that familiar pain again.  

He felt protective of her ever since he saw her in the club with that pearled corset on stage, every decision he took since he met her was to keep her safe. He had fought with the members, had lost important territories, and even risked his life for her, and Jungkook still didn't think it was enough. It wasn't enough to try to keep her safe. He needed to make sure she'd be okay even if he wasn't around, he wanted her to live the life she couldn't live where she came from. And he would make it for her, even if he died in the process.

If it was them against the world, he wouldn't hesitate to watch it burn as long as she was okay.

✸ ✸ ✸

Her heart beated fast as the driver drove through the streets of Seoul, knowingly that with every turn and acceleration they were closer to the building they were heading to. 

Something warm covered her thigh over her black dress, and she found Jungkook's tattooed fingers squeezing it softly when she looked down. Traveling over his arm, she found his comforting gaze while he smiled without showing his teeth. He was just as nervous as her, the only difference between them is that he wouldn't allow himself to show it off -at least not while she was looking at him. 

—Nothing will happen to you while I'm around —he assured me.

—It's not me the one that I'm worried about —she confessed.

—Then I promise I'll keep myself safe as well —Jungkook's fingers pinched her chin—. Just stay by my side and remain calm, alright?

When they got to the big entrance in the parking lot, she instantly recognized the building. It was the first place they went to as soon as they landed in Korea. It definitely didn't bring any good memories, and she hoped she wouldn't have to add some more after that night. 

Jungkook intertwined their fingers tight, after he helped her hop off the car, and turned to the driver to be sure he would understand his orders.

—Stay here and call me in case there's any weird movement.

Waiting for the man to nod, and make visible he understood his boss' word, he kept his eyes fixed on him until his head moved up and down briefly. 

Feeling his neck tensing when they entered the elevator, he knew things would start getting messier the moment they both stepped out of it. All the different scenarios didn't have enough time to build up in his head, because Y/n pulled him in for one last kiss. 

It was slow, soft and intimate, sucking on his lower lip with such delicacy that she was able to make him forget for one second where they were. It was her way of promising she'd stay by his side, and that she'd make her best to get that moment to pass by as easy and fast as possible. 

—Don't let go of my hand —he whispered against her lips.

After saying that, Jungkook intertwined their fingers, holding her hand as tight as it was possible, enough to notice when she'd let go of his grip. 

Y/n felt as if there was a big neon sign upon them once they stepped out of the elevator, having most of the eyes of the people inside the party falling on them. If there was a moment she was glad she didn't know Korean, it was definitely then, when looks told her more than words could explain as they whispered to each other. Jungkook did understand several of the things that were said about her as they entered the room. It was common knowledge in that group that she no longer belonged to Sanhyuk, just like Busan was a territory that was part of Choi's heritage ever since he picked her up. 

Her grip on his hand felt tighter, as insecurity started getting the best of her, while her other hand grabbed the fabric of his blazer for more support. If there was some alcohol somewhere, she'd need it. Because there was no other way she'd be able to handle how uncomfortably she was feeling. 

Not even five minutes into the party, and Sanhyuk made his sudden appearance with a cocky smile that Jungkook was dying to erase. Instinctively, he moved Y/n slightly behind him, covering her with half of his body as soon as his eyes dared to land on her. It took him a lot of auto control and patience not to jump at him then. 

Her agony screams, while he scratched the initials on her chest, started sounding in the back of his head, sounding even louder than the ambient music that was playing in the background. He breathed deeply, knowing that any wrong move could make things worse for them. As much as he wanted to break his nose, he had to keep himself from doing so. 

—Look who dared to show up with his new lady —Sanhyuk spoke in English, making sure she understood what was being said between them—. I really thought I wouldn't see you here.

While he spoke, Y/n tried to read in between every line he dropped, getting any hint that could lead her to believe that he was the person behind their attack.  

—Why wouldn't I come? —Jungkook asked.

—Last time you were here, you took her away —he pointed at her with his chin—. And previous to that, you broke my arm in that corner —he pointed to a spot near the window—. It's quite obvious you don't fit here. 

There was nothing that led her to believe he was lying. Dropping some white dust on the reverse of his hand, he got his nose closer to it, loudly snorting it until it completely disappeared. He seemed his usual asshole self, at least until he dropped a question that would put Jungkook over the edge.

—Aren't things a bit tense in the Bangtan crew?

She suddenly felt his hand slipping through her fingers. And before she was able to stop him, Jungkook was grabbing Sanhyuk by the collar of his dark leather jacket. 

—That's what you'd like, right? —Jungkook muttered, pressing his teeth together— Making me believe the attack wasn't on you.

—What attack? What the fuck are you talking about? —Sanhyuk asked, frowning his thin eyebrows.

He probably thought he was smarter than him. Not only did he drop that sudden attack, but he was also mocking him and laughing at his face by bringing up the tensions in his family caused by him. It was clear he was the one who tried to scare them away, and the note clearly said the person was in the party as well. It was crystal clear for Jungkook. 

He was starting to get blinded by everything he had done to them, to the point of not being able to control what he was about to do. 

—Jungkook —another male voice called him from the side.

He froze when he looked over his stretched arm, seeing Namjoon looking at him roughly. He didn't even intend to separate them physically, because it was enough to call his name to get his attention. Although, that night, there was something else that led him to let go of Sanhyuk's clothes. 

—Come with me —Namjoon's eyes dropped to Y/n, going back to Jungkook—. Not her.

—She's coming, too.

He held her hand again, guiding her steps towards one of the rooms in the hall, after the man in front of them rolled his eyes at his attitude. It wasn't like he wanted her to understand the conversation, because she most likely wouldn't, but he didn't trust a single person in there. And certainly, at that moment, he wasn't trusting Namjoon either. 

—I told you to get rid of her, and instead you brought her here? —Y/n, who was sitting in one of the chairs in the room, earned a glance from him. 

—You well know that after claiming her, she's a part of me —he tightened his knuckles on each side of his body.

—You'll end up getting her killed —Namjoon stepped forward.

—That's what you'd want? —Jungkook challenged him.

—If I wanted her dead, I'd have dealt with it long ago. I'm telling you for her own safety.

—Her own safety... —he chuckled ironically, moving his eyes away— As if you give a fuck. 

—I give a fuck about the reputation our parents gave to us by passing their titles, and what the name of a dead foreigner could do to them —he replied—. Are you conscious of the amount of guns that might be pointing straight at her head right now? Just by claiming her, you made her a target for any person that wants something from you. What happened with Sanhyuk is just an example. She makes you weak, and vulnerable. 

—That could also work against them, couldn't it? —he tilted his head— If someone dares to land a finger on her, they'll be messing with me, and...

—And will it be of help if she's dead? —Namjoon tried to get some sense back into his head— Will it change her name on a grave if you torture the one that shoots faster?

—That's why you sent that shooter? —he grinned— Did you expect me to be scared?

—What shooter?

Y/n didn't understand a single word that was being said between them, but she was able to read through their body languages, and how tense they both looked. Especially Jungkook. At some point in their conversation, his confidence disappeared. His focus stopped being on the man in front of him, but her. His eyes showed a concern that made her sit straight on the chair, feeling instantly scared although she didn't know what was going on. 

Taglist: @kaiparkerwifes @sheylamc @amy2006jones @allamericanuniverse @00frenchfries00 @massivelyfullenthusiast

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

"[Jimin's solo career] hasn't taken off as much as I would like to. Him being in BTS and doing his military service have had a contribution to that. Maybe it will change once he comes back. Maybe not."

That first sentence made me feel so sad, @reflections-in-a-critical-eye. Would you mind sharing why you think it hasn't taken off and the role being in BTS has played?

How much of it is because of Jimin, the company dynamics, the variables of the music industry. or just plain bad luck?

It's not as dramatic as it sounds, anon. But I'll talk about it, sure.

First of all, a solo career on a global level, an organic one, is not possible while one is still part of a group/band. That is, if that's the goal. I don't know exactly what Jimin wants. If he wants to tour the world on his own or not. But the reality is, it cannot take off if all the elements are not in place. Soloists who got big and were once part of bands used that as a stepping stone, but they removed themselves from that early on. Five years or so (like Robbie Williams or George Michael). Jimin spent his entire 20s with a group without given the opportunity to work on a solo album throughout that period. And now he's stuck in the military until 2025. Then followed by a BTS album and probably a tour or a few concerts. From that point onward, I have no idea what would come next.

But that doesn't mean the situation can't happen later in his 30s if he's interested in that and if everything falls into place.

This will always be a discussion that revolves around the artist's needs and what fans want. In this case, what I want. A lot of the times, I want more and more for him because I'm interested in his career. I may not even be right in my views on that career.

I don't need Jimin to be a global pop star. It doesn't mean he shouldn't have had the proper support of a label. And musically, he's tried a lot of things, but I don't see that as a bad thing. At least for now. Of course that having time and space to explore that would have a big contribution, but I don't think he got that actual encouragement up until he started working on his solo albums. He has gained experience in the last 10 years, he's not a rookie. But then again, I also don't think there should be so much pressure on him to deliver something spectacular given that he's only at the beginning of this road.

So yeah, me saying that his solo career hasn't taken off comes from a selfish place as well. Because I've seen a few years ago what his label is capable of doing when they want to support a group and the resources they direct towards that and to see that not happening to someone with actual potential is frustrating. It only makes me think of how it could have been.

Then there's the military service which would have happened anyway, regardless of any scenario. It just came in his case in a weird period. But that's life and things are never easy and they don't always go as planned. If we don't take variables into consideration, than this is a pointless conversation.

This is a topic that must be navigated between what we want, the reality of the situation, what Jimin wants and critical reception. Not all these elements fall into place and we might get tricked sometimes that they are all the same.

Whatever it is to happen, will happen. I'm still here and still interested to see how it evolves. If I were to think that there hasn't been actual potential, I wouldn't waste my time.

[danganronpa96]

Oh, this is a unique one for sure 🤔 I’ll try to answer this one as best as I can lol

DR69:

Motive 1 - First Blood Perk

As the first motive, I feel like a lot of them would still disagree with using such a thing. Even if there would be no trial, someone would still need to die. Yuri would make that sentiment very clear. Ironically enough, Hiroshi and Walter would both probably find some interest within it, wondering how they could’ve utilised it if they had it themselves.

Motive 2 - Granted Wish for Murder

If anyone were to have used this motive, most others would’ve called them out as being materialistic or selfish. However, Bojack might think about if it would be possible to wish for some sort of redemption in his life. And Walter, once again, might think about how to use an overpowered idea to his advantage.

Motive 3 - Swapped Secrets

Having no idea what secret of yours has been thrown into the pot, and who has even been given it, would put some on edge. I mean, Retsuko would definitely assume it’s her karaoke affiliation, but the others would assure her that it’s not a bad secret at all, and support her through her doubts. I’d like to think Mai decides they should all spill one secret so they all feel less on edge about it, but most get antsy about it (even though you’re all dead already? Jeeze guys what do you have to loose lmao). Kaidou just yells “I’M THE JET BLACK WINGS!” and Mai simply says “We know, sweetie.”

Motive 4 - Swapped Motive Videos

They would find it similar to their letter motive. Although, just seeing that person’s face rather then their words might have pushed a few over the edge. Especially if it got too manipulative like DR1’s motive videos showing the “aftermath” of things. Knowing who your video was swapped it however would change things again. It would be difficult to not want to ask the person to see your video, even if it did lead to very bad things for some (aka Sans/Peter).

Motive 5 - The Gun

Now this one’s definitely going to be a shocker for them. Sure, the Americans like Walter and Bojack are used to it, but the others will be a lot more cautious over the weapon. Hell, I don’t even know if Ena knows what a gun is (please do not give Ena a gun for their and our safety). They are just all glad they are all on the other side of the screen watching from the comfort of the theatre. Yuri gives it a 4/10 because it wasn’t a knife /j

DR96:

Motive 1 - Letters from a Close Person

This would remind them all of the motive video (well the ones who were actually alive during that motive). Curious, I imagine Fluttershy would ask Sans what he would’ve done differently if Papyrus had instead written to him. Sans guesses it would’ve be nicer to have a personally addressed letter, maybe would’ve given him some better closure rather than Papyrus being forced to film a video against his will. Dedede can only imagine his would be from Escargoon, or else a letter from Kirby would be as intelligible as scrap paper dunked in a fish tank (affectionate).

Motive 2 - No Sleep

Sans proceeds to leave the theatre (/jjj). Teto wonders if 2D could get away with it with his ‘void eyes’. 2D moves a seat away. Ashley would think it’s a weak motive, but as she watches what goes down, she gets a bit quieter. Cue Fluttershy sobbing over what happens next. Peter has probably already fallen asleep halfway through anyway (bozo).

Motive 3 - Handcuffed to a Partner

Some would think it would be a nice way to get along with others (like Fluttershy and Mr. Krabs) while others would just know they would be plotting murder the minute they get paired with someone undesirable (cough cough Peter). In that case, Brian hopes he can take on the responsibility himself. Although, he wonders that if he was paired with Parappa, what the other would’ve done about his nihilistic state much earlier on.

Motive 4 - Hallucinations

“Remember the time I started seeing dead people—” Peter is thrown out of the theatre. Miku, probably sat somewhere near the back, simply smiles, enjoying what’s happening on screen. How their feeble minds can be broken so simply just by seeing someone they’ve lost. Grief is a powerful narrative tool, is it not?

[crusty-chronicles]

The Moon and Sun (Big Sib Reader x Gon/Killua)

Ch 14: A Protector's Failure

Synopsis: You recall everything that's led you up to this point. The good and bad, while the boys try their best to cope with your temporary absence.

An: This is a skipable chapter because I know some people can't stand a backstory chapter. But it does give some insight on our insert's actions.

Key: 🌑☀️🌑☀️=pov change from Y/n to the boys. 🌘🌘🌘🌘=Transition between Y/n's memories/present

-----------------

Rushed footsteps could be heard throughout the forest. The little pitter-patter reverberating off the trees. A child no more than five being the source of the sound. Pushing her body the fastest it could go.

Unawares of the unforeseen threat giving chase. Slowly closing in from above. All at once the being descended down on her, tackling the child down to the floor. The both of them tousling on the ground from the force.

"Got you Kari!" The being announced.

Another kid. This one a bit older with a prominent gap between their teeth.

"You're getting better, but still not fast enough," they continued before helping the other one up.

"You were cheating, Y/n! You used your nen!" The younger one whined out.

"Duh. You should've been using your nen too. You would've been able to sense me coming."

The older one playfully bumped the other's shoulder. Giggling at the way she turned her head and huffed.

"C'mon, we've been away long enough. Let's head back to the village before they start to get suspicious." Taking the smaller one's hand and starting to lead her away. But there was a small tug pulling them back.

"Do we have to go back right away? Can't we stay here a little longer?" It sounded hopeful from the small girl.

"You know how Fathe-," the older one shook their head. "You know how Reik gets. We can't keep him waiting."

But a feeling of dread lingered in the air. Something foreboding in it.

Almost like a warning.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

You quickly jolted up. Breathing heavily as you came to. Catching your disheveled reflection in the puddle in front of you. (Having chosen a small cave to fall asleep in last night.)

That dream.

Why that one?

Why now?

You didn't want to see it. You didn't want to see her. You were already pushed past your limit, and now this? It was so frustrating you let out a scream. Your poor vocal cords straining once again, not yet fully healed.

God damnit.

Goddamn everything.

You forced yourself to calm down, remembering where you were. The NGL. You'd been here for about a week now. Only three more to go until you saw your boys again.

You didn't want to leave the boys behind, and part of you still wished you hadn't. That you had just stayed instead. But it really was for their own good.

You were no longer capable of keeping them safe. The altercation with the cat chimera ant had shown you that. You weren't good enough to protect them anymore. So it was decided you needed a safe place to train without distractions.

Without risking either one of them getting hurt.

And while that was your main reason for leaving so abruptly, it wasn't the only one. The blue hat tucked away in your pocket was another.

Kite.

You searched everywhere for him when you first got here. Tracking the faint trail of his aura all the way back to the place where you were attacked. Making sure to lower your heart rate in case that same ant detected you.

But all you found when you got there was blood. Caked and dried in splatters on the dirt. Too much for any living person to lose. You couldn't help but throw up at the sight.

Disgust and grief mixing together as you heaved up everything you had. There was no way he could've survived that. Even if he did manage to defeat that thing, he would've lost too much blood to just walk away.

And judging by the malicious aura barley in reach of your en, it was still out there.

You'd run away like a coward.

Like you always did.

And Kite paid the price for your selfishness.

You clutched his hat tightly as you recalled the sight. The little specs of blood on the brim were yours, but it may as well have been his from the way guilt seemed to consume you the longer you stared at it.

Another person you cared about dead because you wanted to protect your own life.

Maybe that was why you dreamt about her. A reminder that this wasn't the first time you'd run away so callously. Or maybe it was because of that stupid old man. Calling you by a name you'd long discarded, forcing you to remember the atrocities attached to it.

You didn't like remembering, but it was getting harder and harder to avoid doing so. You deserved to suffer, and maybe your mind decided torturing you with the past was the way to do it.

You shook your head to rid the thought. Now wasn't the time to feel sorry for yourself. You still had a long way to go before you were combat ready. Before you could stomach the sight of blood.

Although, you couldn't help but wonder how Gon and Killua were taking it.

You sincerely hoped they were doing fine without you.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

The sound of glass shattering echoed throughout the small home, startling Gon awake. There was a splintering sound of something bigger hitting the floor. Followed by a few curses.

That definitely wasn't right.

He quickly got up and rushed towards the living room. Eyes widening as he identified the cause for all the commotion.

Killua.

And he looked very upset.

Raising up something else to break before Gon stopped him.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

The small assassin didn't answer, fearing that if he did, he would once again break down.

"Where's Y/n?" Gon tried again. Knowing that there was no way you wouldn't have gotten up to comfort Killua.

But despite his good intent, it seemed that wasn't the right thing to ask right now. Killua walked over to the table and sat down with his head in his hands. Letting out a shaky breath as he eyed the crumpled up note he found earlier.

The boy in green following his line of sight and picking up the note to read.

Dear my little moon and sun,

By the time you're reading this I'll have returned to the NGL. I truly am sorry to have left without saying a word, but I have my reasons. I need to work on my own skills and strength so that what happened with the cat chimera ant never happens again. It's something I need to do by myself, no matter how much it pains worries me to leave you two by yourselves. I know you two of you are dead set on proving yourselves through Netero's game, but I could care less for that old geezer's instructions. Nevertheless, I know you'll both succeed in taking those two other game pieces. That you'll both improve your skills drastically. I have complete faith in you, so when the month's over, I better see your faces cross the border! I'll be waiting until then.

Apologies, Y/n.

Oh.

He understood now.

Though he wasn't angry with you like Killua. Just disappointed that you'd once again chosen to do this by yourself. A hunch that you still didn't trust them. Seems his instincts had been right after all. He looked over towards his best friend, frowning at the defeated look he had.

"Why...Are we not enough for them to stay?" Killua's voice was quiet, a drastic change from his previous frustration.

Then his despair returned to anger. Hands clenching and body lightly shaking.

"Do they just hate us!?! Were we really that terrible that they decided to leave again!?! Damnit Y/n, why do you keep doing this!?!? Why do you keep running away!?!?" Frustrated tears now running down his face.

"Was yesterday just a cover up!?! All of it, just pretending like they weren't going to leave us!!!"

Because you'd been smiling so much yesterday.

Joking around, tucking them into bed, giving them a goodnight kiss. Was all of it just so they wouldn't have suspected anything?

'Your friends will leave you.'

No, not you. You were supposed to stay. You were supposed to be here right now. You were supposed to be his big sibling.

A hand on his shoulder stopped his frantic thoughts.

"They weren't faking. They probably didn't know how to tell us." Gon tried to explain. It was what he figured anyways.

Because you didn't have to comfort him last night. You didn't have to put him back to bed. And the way you hesitated when he caught you sneaking out.... Conflicted like you didn't really wanna leave.

How could any of that have been faked?

But Killua wasn't fully convinced yet.

"That's just the thing, they don't trust us enough to tell us anything! How do we know that this time they're telling the truth!?!"

It hurt.

Not being able to trust the one person that was supposed to keep him safe.

Did you really go back there to get stronger, or did you leave to find Kite?

Because clearly you seemed to prefer his company over theirs.

"Think about it," Gon started.

"Y/n said they're going back there to get stronger. Do you know what that means? It means they're gonna fight. And do you what that means?"

If you planned on fighting then...

"They're going to break their promise...to keep us safe." But was that really why?

Killua didn't know anymore.

"If they really did leave for good, then why would they leave a note? Y/n is waiting for us. They're counting on us to get stronger. I understand why you're upset, I wish they would've told us too. But if there's one thing Y/n isn't, it's someone who doesn't honor their word."

And for whatever reason, those words started to ease the doubts eating away at him.

"How are you so sure this time?"

"Killua, they almost died just to make sure we were okay first. How can you not be so sure?" It was stated as a matter of fact.

And now that he said it, Killua felt like an idiot.

Yesterday was just you trying to have one last good day before you left. You probably thought you wouldn't get another chance. That you might die in the NGL by yourself.

It was real.

And so was everything else before that.

"You're right.... But I still haven't forgiven them. They can't just keep leaving like this. It's-"

"Worrying. I know." Gon agreed.

"How do you think they're holding up?"

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

It was raining again.

Pouring down in endless buckets. And the first good rain of the year usually meant...

Today was officially your birthday.

You must've been 20 by now. Maybe 21. You don't really remember anymore. Not the official date anyways. But the one thing you did remember was that it always poured heavily, and you hated it.

You hated it for ruining your fun when you were a child, and you hated it now for stalling your training. Once again stuck in some small cave to avoid getting wet. Left with nothing but your thoughts to entertain you. How unfortunate that they kept drifting back to the one thing you didn't want to think about.

The Mizaki Clan.

Your 'family.'

You blamed Netero for bringing them up. You blamed yourself for continuously screwing up. You blamed the clan for putting you in this situation in the first place.

A part of you was grateful for what they gave you, at least during the early years. Another part of you respected them for the opportunities they've given so many. But the biggest part of you hated everything they stood for. The part of you that would never forgive them.

Fuck it.

You were tired of fighting the thoughts away.

Tired of repressing memories that would just come back twice as strong.

It didn't matter anymore. No one was here to see you break anyways. You could be weak if it was with yourself. Relying on your own comfort like you always had.

The Mizaki Clan, a clan of skilled hunters. The duties of each respective member being divided into three categories: Trapper, Tracker, and Trader.

Most were orphans who'd been found and taken in. Few had been outsiders married in. Even fewer were born into the clan. For all the shit they put you through, they were anything but discriminate when it came to accepting new members.

You were an orphan. The story goes, you were found in the backyard of an abandoned residence. The man who found you, Reik, was the current clan head. But at that time he'd barely taken over the reigns.

To you, Reik had been your father. And the truth was the same for others around your age. You'd believed he was a compassionate yet stern leader. Someone to be respected and loved at the same time.

Oh how wrong you were. A naive and foolish child.

Turns out the story of your upbringing had been a lie. You'd found out the truth because you witnessed it happen to someone else firsthand.

It was at the age of seven you found out. The age where everything started falling apart. When the illusion of blind devotion started to fade away.

You'd been assigned a mission with a few others. Reik had been among them. The targets had easily been disposed of. Of course they were, they were ordinary people who happened to cross the wrong person.

When your group went to leave, a wailing sound filled the air. It was only a matter of seconds before the source of the crying was found. Father had discovered a small child hidden away inside a closet.

Who, upon finding the baby, met your eyes and told you, "It's our job to make sure we finish off our targets. No matter what, for the good of the clan. But it's also our responsibility to handle loose ends.

Our client only specified a man and a woman. Therefore this child is our burden. A baby is pure. Born without the sin of their parents. Do you understand, little one? None of this is personal."

The phrase became one you hated. "It's nothing personal." It was very personal.

Looking back on it now, he didn't have to take that baby in. He didn't have to take any of them in, yet he did. It had you thinking that maybe, somewhere deep down, that man actually felt guilt and remorse for what he did.

Then again, he always justified his actions with them being for the good of the clan.

A small part of you couldn't let go of the man you'd perceived him to be. Didn't want to believe his actions had never been out of kindness, but necessity.

You wanted to hate him, and you should have.

But you were just sad if anything. Frustrated that he was up on a pedestal that couldn't be questioned. Because if it was, they'd end up like you.

Like Kari.

Your Kari. Your little sister that had been taken far too soon from this world. Eyes such a light brown they were almost golden. Hair a fluffy mess of curls.

It was your fault she was gone.

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

At the age of seven you were what most would call an absolute demon. Always getting into fights. Always biting people and using the gap between your teeth as leverage to sink them in deeper. Always showing off.

Today had been one of those days.

You'd just come back from retrieving a special object. Your goal was to turn it in to either Reik or a fellow trader. You'd decided on the later, strolling through the dirt roads of the village.

What was the name of the person you were supposed to see? Winnie? Winfred? Wonka? Eh, didn't matter anyways.

You were gonna make a pitstop first and pay a visit to your favorite old codger. Kari was sick after all. Perhaps some sweets would make her feel better. And he was the only one with a working oven.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a harsh shove to your shoulder. A few other kids shoving past you. Laughing as they raced away.

You turned your head towards where they came from, watching as an old man tried to give chase. However, he was out of breath after only a few steps.

"Old Mr. Beuru?" You mumbled.

"DAMN BRATS! YOU'RE LUCKY I AIN'T AS YOUNG AS I USED TO BE!"

Your mood immediately dampened. You gave a sigh before focusing your eyes in the distance. Three mischievous auras on your radar. You summoned your nen towards your legs and took off towards them.

It was only a matter of seconds before you caught up. You gave a jump to land in front of them and glared.

Three teenage boys. Who would've guessed?

The ringleader glared right back, popping what you assumed to be candy into his mouth.

"If it isn't one of Father's favorites. Whaddya want? We don't have time to chattering around with a diaper baby."

His two buddies snickered at his remark.

You took the first one as a compliment. Being one of Reik's favorites meant you had a good shot of becoming the clan head one day. That you were a prodigy.

The second one you wouldn't let slide. You'd already outranked these fools in both physical and nen combat. But sure, you were the baby.

"Hand over what you took." Your voice was ice and your aura was authoritative. But it did little to deter them.

"Tch, like we're gonna give you any. You know how hard it was to con that old man?"

That was all the information you needed. You were hot headed by nature. Someone who strikes first, asked questions later.

At least, that was how you used to be.

In the blink of an eye, you'd used your Caster's Net to hog tie the boy's lackies. Your anger being palpable as you tackled the third. Pushing his face in the dirt and using your nen to pin him.

"GET OFF ME!" He screeched.

"THEN GIVE BACK WHAT YOU STOLE!"

"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" He then tried to throw you off. Using his own nen to find some leeway. But as you observed, you were indeed stronger than him.

"BULL! WE'RE MEMBERS OF THE SAME COMMUNITY! IT IS MY BUSINESS WHEN YOU DECIDE TO GO AND PICK ON ONE! NOW GIVE IT BACK!"

"HE HAD IT COMING, NOW GET THE HELL OFF!!!"

"GIVE IT OR I'LL-"

The threat died on your tongue as you were hoisted up. Your nen dissipating from the shock.

It was how you found yourself being interrogated by Father. The altercation causing quite the stir in the village. He questioned the three boys first.

"What was the reason this fight started? You know fighting within the clan is looked down upon. Even more so to be feuding with a member below your age group."

The trio wasted no time coming up with a lie.

"They just jumped us. We were minding our business when they came out of nowhere." The ringleader answered.

Unawares of the eyes focused in on his aura.

"You swear that's all that happened?" Father asked.

"Uh huh. If you ask me, they need to be kept in check."

If looks could kill, you would've ended his life ten times over.

"I see. Now, Y/n what do you recall happening?"

"I was just coming back from my mission and I saw the three of them running away. Mr. Beuru was chasing them so I assumed they did something. And I was right. They stole from him. They even admitted it."

If there was one thing you despised most, it was liars and thieves. Unbeknownst to you, in about a decade that would change to hunters.

Reik looked at you thoughtfully.

"So when they wouldn't hand over what they stole, you decided to get it by force?"

"Yup."

"Fath-Reik, they're lying!"

But he'd already found out the truth. Your aura had been convicting, untainted by deceit unlike the three boys before him.

"You boys should know by now that you can't get anything past me. Please return what you've taken. I promise your punishment will be more lax if you do."

The decision shocked the three boys. But even so, they wouldn't go down without a fight.

"It's no fair! You always side with them!"

"Y/n told the truth. You did not. Am I to side with a thief and a deceiver? You three will spend two days in isolation. Do I make myself clear?"

The trio's pockets were emptied out. Small bags of hard candy found in them. You watched as they were hauled off to the Room. Sticking out your tongue as they passed you by.

You figured isolation was an appropriate punishment. Two days without light, food, and water. Served them right.

You made your way back towards the main village, carrying the bags of sweets. Turns out the person they were stolen from was the one you had been on your way to see.

You knocked twice on the door before entering. The old man looked up at you surprised.

"Guess who just got three jerks in trouble?" You jazzed your hands, causing Beuru to let out a disappointed sigh.

"What was Reik's punishment?"

"Two days of isolation. They were really annoying too. Anyways, here." You held out the bags towards him.

At that, he smiled.

"Glad my day wasn't ruined after all. You know something, Y/n?"

You gave a hum.

"You might be the only kid I can stand. You've still got sticky fingers though. Now, you know what you hafta do if you want one of my deserts."

Because Old Mr. Beuru had to beg Reik for an oven. The only one in the entire village, just so he could bake to impress the old lady he liked. And she'd been the only one he baked for until you came along. His conditions had ranged from various trivia during the time he was growing up.

With that being said, you started humming up an old tune. Then danced in a way that was completely old-fashioned.

"I already had Shura play the Charleston several times, so I'd say I'm a pro now." You bragged, promptly falling flat on your butt afterwards.

The old man laughed, bagging you up something that looked chocolate. His expression turned serious as he handed it off to you.

"Speaking of Shura, don't tell her about what happened here. Okay?"

"Why not, she worries about you, you know?"

"That's exactly why. She's all grown up now. She doesn't need to worry about me when she's got her own life going on."

It was something you didn't understand at the time. Not wanting your child to worry about you. But you sure as hell understood it in the present.

"Now get back home. Isn't your sick sister waiting?" Beuru jested.

"Yeah, yeah. See you around, fossil," you threw over your shoulder as you left.

"Die in a hole, gremlin."

When you'd returned to your home, you had to dodge several of your peers to make it to your room. Most of them wondering what happened with you this time.

You never liked how quickly word would get out.

It didn't matter anyways. Their opinion on you didn't matter. The only one whose you really cared out was...

"Hey, Kari. How's the cold coming along?"

Said girl peaked her head out of a pile of blankets before ducking back down.

"I'm dying. This is the end for me. Remember the Alamo."

You walked over to her bed snickering. Harshly pulling the covers down as she shrieked.

"The Alamo, huh? You've been spending too much time with Deshin."

She pouted up at you. Fighting in a tug of war to cover herself again.

"You've been spending too much time with Deshin. I heard you got in a fight today."

"Yeah cuz' they made me mad. Don't you wanna know why?"

"No." She replied.

You pinched her cheek in retaliation, grinning at her noise of protest.

"Fine. Be that way. It's not like I went out of my way to bring you something special. Me? Never."

Kari quickly shot up at your words. Honey colored eyes beaming as you dropped the bag into her lap.

"You do love me!"

"No duh. You better share!"

Now Kari hadn't been a prodigy like you. In fact, she was the exact opposite. She was way behind the rest of her age group. Not even capable of reading the auras of those around her.

Tracker was off the list of what she would become.

She had a basic understanding of nen and was an enhancer from what you gathered. But she had trouble fighting. Severely lacking when it came to speed.

That scratched Trapper too.

You figured she would've been a trader. Then again, she wasn't very good with people. Most of the one's she interacted with treated her less than because of her weak nen.

She just didn't really fall into any role of the clan. And that made her a target for the older age groups. It's why you met in the first place.

If there was one good thing that clan taught you, it was that your family didn't have to be blood related.

You stood up for her, and ever since then, she'd been one of your own. Your little sister by choice. You'd done your best to coach her. Slowly helping her make improvements in her strength.

And while she was improving, it wasn't fast enough.

That night, the two of stayed up watching the stars. Intertwining hands and making signs while you ate whatever sweet Beuru had made.

It wasn't too long after that things started falling apart.

Your clan hadn't been made up of just any hunters. They were all Blacklist Hunters. Doing unsavory work in the shadows to keep the clan mostly isolated.

Children, like you and her, were trained from the age of three and up to perfect their nen. Prepared by the age of twelve to take the Hunter Exam in order to properly provide for the clan.

Always for the good of the clan.

But in the meantime, most kids with advanced nen would shadow the adults on their mission. You were one of three who had that privilege. The others being your 'best friend' and a girl a year older than you.

It was one of these missions you'd just been selected for. However, you had a condition if you were gonna help out.

Kari had to come with you.

It was more of you wanting her to get experience than it was because you wanted to spend time with her.

Nevertheless, she was allowed to come with you. Your task was to locate an undercover crime boss from his picture. Hers was to be there to catch him when he got scared out.

Finding the man was easy. Based on his stature and preferred traveling habits, you were able to find him in a week. Following the cruel and murky aura all the way to his hideout.

The easy part was done. The hard part would soon begin.

"If you see anything, act. Don't be scared, okay?" You ordered the small girl.

She nodded in return.

With that, you took off with the others in your group. You'd immediately been shot at as you entered. Dodging from side to side and trying to find some cover. Luckily, one of the people you were with had a reflecting ability. Nearly cutting the size of goons in half.

The rest worked on fishing out the leader. Two of the potential targets started running towards the exit. You were only fast enough to catch one. Cracking their skull on the pavement with a kick as the other escaped.

From Kari's perspective, she saw a man fleeing. And remembering your words, used a weak strand of nen to hold him down.

"Please stay still mister. It'll only be worse if you don't." Truthfully, she didn't want to kill anybody. She was counting on you to take care of it, like you always did.

The captive struggled against the bind before begging.

"Please! What is it you people want!?! Money??? I've got plenty! I can send thousands if you let me go! Little girl you don't want to be doing this!"

Kari closed her eyes and raised up her foot. Preparing to end his life. For you. She was gonna do this for you and nobody else. Only here because you stuck your neck out for her. She didn't want to tarnish your reputation.

Then the man said something. Something that completely stopped her in her tracks.

"I HAVE A FAMILY, PLEASE!!!"

She opened her eyes shocked. It was never really something she thought about before. These targets they'd been pursuing had still been people. People with lives and loved ones.

Was it really justified ending their lives?

Was a clan built on blood really something to be proud of?

Who were they to determine if someone should live or die?

It made her feel icky the more she thought about it. Someone paid for this man to die. Or rather, they paid for him to suffer. The rule: No witnesses, no survivors had been a Mizaki invention. He didn't have to die.

So then why were they doing it?

And with her newfound revelation, she released her nen from the man. He hardly spared a glance back at her as he ran. She barley felt your confused aura from behind her.

"Why did you hesitate?"

She jumped at the sound of your voice. Figuring you'd be angry she let him get away.

"It didn't feel right." She justified.

You could only scrunch your face in confusion.

"Why not? He was the guy we were looking for. If you didn't want to kill him, you should've just held him down for me or one of the others."

"It's not that...I didn't think it was right for him to die."

It was an odd thing for you to hear. Of course it was right. It was for the good of the clan. But Kari was younger than you. She wasn't used to this. It made sense that she wouldn't understand. You knew she would in time.

"Then I won't bring you in on any more 'people' missions. Okay? But right now we have to find that man before the others find out. Messing up means a punishment from father."

But it was too late. A thud sounded ahead of you. One of the others had already caught up to your target. And they didn't look too happy about it.

"YOU ALMOST LET HIM GET AWAY! I WANNA KNOW WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!" An older woman lectured.

Before Kari could take the blame, you stepped forward.

"It was me. I miscalculated and he slipped away. I'm sorry."

You always did this. Always vouched, always protected, always accepted the responsibility. And Kari hated it.

It wasn't fair to you.

Yet she said nothing. A fear that if she spoke, she'd be banished from the clan or worse.

She looked on regretfully as you were seated in front of Reik for questioning. She could do nothing except hope you'd be back soon.

Meanwhile, you were sweating buckets. You didn't like lying to Father. He could see through anyone with his eyes.

"Back here in less than a month? It's not like you, little one. From what I gather, you let the target go. Is that correct?"

The air felt tense...But you wouldn't give your sister up that easily.

"Yes, Father. It was my fault we almost lost him."

You were kneeled down before him with your head bowed. Trying to make yourself appear smaller.

"Really? Someone with as much precision as you let the target get away? This hasn't happened to you before. Were you distracted? I'm aware that Kari was with you."

You tensed up, already knowing you'd been found out. But you were stubborn, no matter the odds.

"She was. But I was alone when he got away. She had nothing to do with it."

Your aura was heavy with deceit.

"Y/n, tell me the truth. Kari was the one who let him get away, wasn't she?"

"...No, it was me. It was my fault."

You flinched as you saw him raise a hand in your peripheral. You were surprised when it cupped your cheek, guiding you to meet his eye.

"You should know I'm very proud of you. Not many would stick up for those they cared about when facing punishment. You have a loyalty that runs deep. A quality that makes for a strong hunter."

But as quickly as the warmth came, it was taken. The hand cupping your cheek moved back and slapped you. Your head turning from the force.

"But you out of everyone knows you can't keep things from me. I accept nothing less than the truth. This isn't a matter of stolen goods, this concerns our clan as a whole. I'm disappointed that you would jeopardize that."

The left side of your face was numb. A dark handprint already forming on your skin.

"I'm truly sorry." You quickly placed your head on the floor and put a hand over your heart.

"I didn't mean anything by it. I swear I didn't. Please find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you, just as I have forgiven those boys. But you still have to face your punishment. The one meant for Kari."

"Yes, Father."

"A week in isolation with the bare necessities. But before you go, I want you to think about something. You risk everything for that girl. You suffer for her. Lie for her. But what has she ever done for you besides get you in trouble? Your loyalty is everlasting and patient, but how much more will she put you through without anything in return? That is all. I hope the week will fly by for you."

You didn't know what to feel at the moment. You'd been praised for protecting Kari, then questioned on if it was the right thing to do.

You loved her, and she loved you.

Right?

She was always there for you when you got back. She always stayed up with you to watch the stars. Always engaged in silent conversations with you.

But then again, Kari never went on any missions you didn't. She never got tired like you and would stay up way past when you fell asleep. She only learned sign language because you found the book on it. She never really got you anything like you had through bartering.

You always covered up for her.

But you did it because you wanted to, not because she asked.

Everything you did for her, you never expected anything in return. Nothing except her support.

Was she supposed to be returning all these favors?

Were you going about this all wrong?

Father seemed to think so.

And maybe it did make you bitter that you were alone in the dark. Maybe you were upset that she didn't finish the target off simply because she didn't want to. Maybe you were upset that she kept blowing the chances you gave her.

Maybe you were tired of doing so much for so little in return.

But it wasn't as black and white as you were lead to believe. As soon as you'd been sentenced, Kari made her way to Reik.

"Is Y/n gonna be okay?" She asked.

"Y/n is facing a week of isolation in your place. They were very adamant on doing so. You should feel so fortunate to have someone who cares that much about you." It was said lightly.

But Kari couldn't help but feel like something malicious was hidden underneath.

"Why so harsh a punishment? It really wasn't all that bad."

She froze as she was met with small glare.

"It could've put our clan in danger. No witnesses, no survivors. If Y/n gets it in their head that it's okay to let our targets go, then they'll do it more frequently. They'll start to lag behind their age group. Right now they have a good chance of taking over the reigns when they're older.

I understand you two are close, but I fear your influence might make them soft. Make them weak. Perhaps it's for the best you two are less involved. It's for the well being of the clan that they don't fall behind. You understand that, right little one?"

And Kari's heart just about broke.

She had never viewed Reik as a father figure. He'd never been as kind to her as he was with you. And now that he verbalized he felt she was dragging you down, she could only dislike him more.

He didn't love you. He didn't love any of you. He just viewed you as a tool to get ahead.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

To say Gon and Killua were shocked would be an understatement. They knew that Palm was 'weird', having met her only once. But this was just absurd.

Apparently her nen ability allowed her to find and contact Bisky, of all people. Saying she did a little research. Whatever that meant. They were too weirded out to ask.

But it might've been for the best. Bisky had helped them out before. She'd been the one to help refine their nen attacks. Surely she could make them strong enough to defeat Morel's students.

Her first reaction upon seeing the boys again was anger. Hitting the both of them over the head for even thinking about completing their training in just a week.

Her next response was confusion. Noticing a very familiar presence was missing. 

Yours.

"Hey boys, where's Y/n?" She questioned. 

She was sure you left with them. Maybe something happened. And judging by the sulking expressions they wore, something did. Both of them deflating at the mention of your name.

"They didn't die, did they?"

Gon's head quickly shot up. Shocked and in disbelief that Bisky thought you'd die so easily.

"No! Y/n would never! They're just gone for the time being." 

"So dead."

This time it was Killua who spoke up, not wanting any further confusion.

"They're back at the NGL with our other friend. Y/n's training and probably looking for him. We…We got ambushed back there. Which is why we need to get as strong as possible quickly."

Bisky nodded, getting a grasp on the situation. She knew you were a bit flaky from your reaction on Greed Island, but maybe that could work in her favor.

Give these boys a little more incentive to push themselves.

"That's even more of a reason you should take training seriously. What do you think is gonna happen when the month's over and you don't show up? They'll be disappointed is what."

"Is it really gonna take a month?" Gon asked.

"Kite's back there, too. The sooner we get both of them out, the better." He justified.

There was something determined in his eye.

But it took more than determination to win battles. Especially up against hunters that had plenty of experience. It was best to take things slow and use up all of the available time.

It'd help them out in the long run.

"A month for sure. Now let's get started! We're going all the way back to the basics!" Bisky announced, causing grumbles from both boys.

You were strong enough to hold out for a month, right?

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

It was a murky day when you were released. Humid and cloudy. You hated it. Your footsteps lagged towards your home. You didn't think you wanted to see her right now. You'd spent so much time thinking about what Reik said.

So much time wondering if it was all true.

You hesitantly opened the door to your shared room. The creaking of the door signaling your arrival.

You were surprised to be engulfed in a hug. Why were you surprised? A mess of curls tickling your nose. You hesitated to wrap your arms around her.

"I missed you big sib. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you were in the Room for so long."

You just couldn't find it in yourself to be mad at her. No, she hadn't intentionally left you in the trenches. And you truly were a sucker for anything she did. A crumb of her affection and Father's words faded just like that.

"I missed you, too. Anything big happen while I was gone?" You already knew the answer.

"No. I've been completely bared from shadowing. That's about it...Oh! Shura said she'd play your favorite song when you got out. The one about fall."

She beamed up at you. You couldn't help but smile back.

"Really? How about we go see her right now? I'm sure she's still outside since it hasn't rained yet." A nice melody on the piano was just what you needed right now.

"And if she's not, can we just walk around instead?"

"Sure...But first I have to see Father. I need to get my next assignment before I get rusty."

You grabbed her hand and prepared to pull, but she didn't budge. You looked back at her in confusion.

"Something wrong, Kar?"

"That man isn't my father, and he's not yours either." Her tone was angry. Eyes glaring down at the floorboards.

It shocked you. She was never mad at anything. You didn't even register her words fully.

"What? Are-Are you okay? I know he's not really my dad, but-"

"You know what he really thinks of you? Of us? He thinks I'm a burden to you. He thinks of you as a tool for the clan. It's not right."

Her same words from that night.

But it only made your two loyalties clash. Your respect for Reik and your love for Kari.

"I don't know where all this is coming from, but please stop. You know you're not a burden to me. I love you. And I already know what I am. My purpose is to do what's best for the clan. To get stronger for my people."

She gaped at you for a moment. Then frustration radiated off of her.

"AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT!?! YOU MEAN NOTHING TO HIM AS A PERSON, AND YOU DON'T CARE!?!"

You could feel your own frustration start to increase.

"I didn't say that. I said it's my duty to get stronger for my people. Father sees my potential as a way to do it. That doesn't mean he doesn't care about me!"

She gave a cruel laugh.

"You're in denial! He doesn't love you! Why can't you see that!?! You're so brainwashed you can't even see what he has you doing! He's making you kill people!!! Normal kids don't do that!!!!"

"Well we're not normal! We're Mizaki! The best of the best! Sometimes that means getting our hands dirty! It's how it is! Why can't you see that!?!?"

"BECAUSE IT'S NOT RIGHT! THESE PEOPLE HAVE FAMILIES! THEY HAVE OTHERS WHO CARE ABOUT THEM! WE AREN'T IN THE RIGHT TO SAY WHO LIVES OR DIES! THINK ABOUT IT! WE DON'T HAVE TO KILL ALL OF THEM! IT'S DEAD OR ALIVE, NOT DEAD! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE SPARED SOMEONE WHO WASN'T A BABY!"

"WE HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY! IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL, SO WHY ARE YOU TREATING IT LIKE IT IS! GOD WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!!!"

Your eyes widened when you realized what you said. It was too late to take it back. You could tell by the tears now streaming by her face.

"Kar, you know I didn't-"

"I hate you."

Your blood ran cold. You didn't know how to handle this. She'd never said that to you before. And sure you had your fights, but never like this.

"You don't mean that." Your voice was pleading.

"I hate you. Just go away. Run away to Reik like you always do. You love him more than me anyways."

She pushed past you and out the door.

You could only stand in the center of the room. Mulling over everything that was said. Crying softly as you realized she meant every word.

She really did hate you, didn't she?

You should've kept your mouth shut. You just had to go and ruin everything.

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

You threw up for the fifth time today. Already two weeks in and you still couldn't do it. You still couldn't stand the feeling of blood. 

You managed to desensitize yourself some when it came to seeing it. The blue blood, at least. You didn't think you could handle red blood.

The feeling of it splattering against your skin or landing on your clothes was enough for you to panic. Collecting the rain and using it to rub your skin clean. To wash away the sticky liquid from your face.

Scrubbing away until your skin was raw. And even then, you still felt filthy.

Your ears picked up a whirring sound. Something was flying towards you. You had a good feeling you knew what it was.

You could feel the bloodlust before you saw the ant. It looked at you with a hungry expression. You were so damn tired of killing these things.

Trying to take out your frustrations on them, only to feel even worse after. It didn't help that you felt two more incredibly malicious auras awaken during the week.

Two more royal guards.

And you couldn't do a damn thing about it unless you wanted to die.

For now, you kept yourself busy with the weaker ones that approached you. Thinking you were easy prey.

"See that line," you said as you pointed to a straight line in the dirt.

"As long as you don't cross that, I'll let you live. I don't care what else you do." Your voice was tired, but healed.

It didn't sting anymore when you spoke.

"You think you can scare me? I'll eat your flesh from your bones!" 

The ant lunged towards you. With a snap of your finger, it's body was left hanging in front of you. Dead in a matter of seconds.

You released your nen and watched it fall. The blue spittle from its mouth landing on your shoe. Your stomach immediately churning in disgust.

Make that six times.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

The days seemed to fly by with Bisky's rigorous training. Gon and Killua were already two weeks in. Two weeks of forcing themselves to keep ren as long as possible. Two weeks of fighting Knuckle immediately after.

Two weeks of worrying about you.

It was the middle of the afternoon and they were still struggling to maintain their Ren. Going on the second hour when small thuds sounded at the window.

It was raining, and heavily by the sound of it.

Both boys immediately lost all the fight in them. Giving up on maintaining their aura and looking dejectedly outside.

The rain.

You always smelled like fresh rain.

Something that had been odd, yet comforting.

It was like they just couldn't escape your presence. Unable to focus on training anymore now that they had been reminded of you. Missing you even more now that they couldn't avoid a scent so reminiscent of yours.

"Hey! What's the matter with you two!?! Training isn't over yet!" Bisky scolded.

But neither of them paid her any mind. Instead, watching as it continued pouring outside. Wondering how you were doing out there.

Did you have some shelter from the rain?

Were you warm?

Had you been able to find something to eat?

Things they were sure would have been laughable to you. 

"Can we take a break? Just until the rain stops." Gon asked, earning a confused look from Bisky.

"Why? You know we don't have time to be wasting. We only have two weeks left." 

She couldn't, for the life of her, understand why now of all times they would want to take a break .It wasn't like they were training outside in the rain. And even then, she'd still make them work.

"You wouldn't understand. Either way, we don't feel like training right now. Not while it's still raining. We won't be able to focus," Killua explained. 

It's not that he didn't trust Bisky, but the reason was just too embarrassing to tell her. Especially with Palm eyeing them from the kitchen.

"Fine. But don't expect any breaks for two days, got it?" 

The duo nodded, relieved they'd been allowed a small moment of peace.

Killua quickly went to crack open a window. Allowing the sound of rain to be more prominent throughout the small home.

Gon went into the room that had been yours. Eyeing the messy sheets with a bittersweet feeling. 

They'd spent about a week taking care of you here. Making sure you wouldn't die of blood loss. That you'd make a full recovery. And then you'd let in a hurry.

He grabbed the comforter you wrapped around the two of you that night. Dragging it out to the spot Killua had chosen.

The both of them sat down, tossing one side of the comforter over to the other. Basking in the warmth it brought along with your scent.

Almost like you were here, giving them a hug.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

It was only five days after your fight that you'd been assigned to shadow another mission. You didn't get a chance to apologize. She'd avoided you too well for you to even make the effort.

But you thought hard about what she said.

You didn't have a problem if Reik didn't really care about you. At the end of the day, he was a mentor. Made to make you stronger. And if that was the extent of your relationship, then so be it.

You only cared about if Kari loved you, and the longer it took to make amends, the less likely it would be.

The thing you really took to heart was her accusations towards the way the clan was ran. She was right about them not having to always kill a target.

She was right about many of them having families. You'd heard so many pleas that you eventually became desensitized. Maybe you could prove a point. Maybe you did have a choice and the clan just went with the easiest one.

It was just your luck that Deshin was shadowing with you. A boy your age with a mixture of black and white hair. Thus the nickname you gave him: cookies'n cream.

He was your rival in a sense. Always competing and pushing to out do each other. It became a friendship built on mutual respect. You argued and teased each other, but that's what kept things interesting.

Your assignment today was to stop anyone inside the building from escaping. A mundane job but considering you took the blame for the last guy escaping, it was only fair.

You scanned inside the building with your eyes as the others went in. It was a decently sized house. You couldn't help but pity whoever was inside.

You'd never done that before.

You watched the relaxed auras inside become overrun with fear. The little blimps of life disappearing one by one. A few screams here and there.

Then you saw one approaching the exit. It was a woman who appeared injured. Blood trailing down her head as she ran.

You quickly intercepted her. Her frantic aura calmed a bit upon seeing you.

"Oh, sweetie. You have to get out of here now. There are bad people inside. We have to run while we can, c'mon!"

You hesitated as she extended a hand out to you.

There was so much sympathy radiating off of her. Motherly, was the feeling. A stranger that was warning you about your own people.

It was dumbfounding.

Father never had this much softness in his aura when he addressed you.

The screams from the building started to quiet down. The woman only further urged you to come with her. Was that guilt you were starting to feel.

A job was a job.

But maybe, things could go differently this time.

"I'm really sorry, ma'am. But there's a bounty on someone who lives here. We have to take in everyone by association no matter what. Please don't take this personally."

She looked at you like she hadn't heard right. Then her panic was full force once again.

She let out a yelp as you summoned your nen to restrain her.

"Please! Please don't do this! My son, he's inside! Please, if you have any humanity at least let him live!"

You couldn't handle her pleas anymore. Using your aura to knock her out. This....This all felt wrong.

You knew if her son was an infant, he'd be fine. Maybe, she would be fine too.

You startled as you felt someone from the group approach. Another older woman. She looked between you and your still breathing captive.

"Why is she still alive. You have your orders."

You glanced down at the lady. Remembering Kari's words.

Dead or alive. Not just dead.

"Why...Why can't we let them live? Why can't we just leave?"

Your superior looked at you like you just grew two heads. Her surprise was replaced by a scowl.

"Because Reik said so. You know better than anyone else we can't hesitate. We have to finish the job we were given."

She moved towards your captive, pressing her shoe against her face.

"No don't-!"

'SMASH!'

A harsh stomp combined with a booming crunch as blood poured from what once was that woman's head.

"You've become soft, Y/n."

But all you could focus on was the blood pooling under that woman. She didn't deserve this. You could have saved her. You could have let her go.

The crimson liquid eventually reached you. Grazing the boots you were wearing before you stepped back. A feeling of disgust and something scared guided your actions.

Your eyes never leaving the body. Then all at once you felt vile start to rise in your throat. You quickly turned away and started heaving over a bush.

Shaking with tears brimming at the corners of your eyes. An innocent person's blood on your shoe. Dirtied and tainted.

You were tainted.

The woman watching you only scoffed. You were acting like a toddler in the middle of a mission.

You felt a hand reach out for you and shrugged it off.

"Don't touch me!"

You backed away and were met with a very concerned gaze.

"Woah, gap-tooth. Are you okay?"

It might've been the only time Deshin showed actual concern for you. But that was because you've never acted like this before. You weren't fazed by the sight of blood. Or at least you hadn't been.

You were supposed to be one of the greats, just like him. But right now, you were weak.

"I-I need to go. Right now."

You made a move to leave, but were stopped by a firm grip on your wrist.

"Is this about the fight with Kari? She told me you two got upset with each other. Maybe you just need a break. You're probably just stressed."

This was not stress.

This was a horrific revelation.

"Please, not right now." You were about five seconds away from crying. And then your reputation would be ruined. If it wasn't already.

You'd already been disgraced in front of your peers.

"Then let me walk you back. You're not in your right mind to go by yourself." Deshin could be just as persistent as you.

And this time, you appreciated it.

You gave a nod before scampering away. Going as fast as you could through the trees. Deshin was hot on your trail. Helping you when you would mistep.

You made it back to your home by daybreak. This time, jumping up to your window instead of going through the inside.

You didn't want to deal with anyone else right now.

You fell into your room, collapsing on the floor. Finally in the comfort of solitude, you broke down. Skittering towards a wall and throwing off your boots.

They were tainted.

"Dirty. I'm dirty. I'm gross! I'm gross I'm gross!"

You were sobbing openly now as you hugged your knees to your chest.

"Dirty Dirty Dirty!"

You were unaware of your surroundings at the moment. Not noticing worried honey colored eyes watching your breakdown.

She may have been mad at you, but she'd never seen you cry before. She'd never seen you this broken before.

What did they do to you?

What did they say?

She took small steps towards you. Inching closer and closer until she could reach out and touch you.

You let out a scream feeling arms wrap around you.

"NO! DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T!"

But the hug was tight. A head rested on top of yours despite the struggling.

"Shhh. It's okay. I'm here, Y/n. You're here with me." Kari tried to soothe.

You froze up at the sound of her voice. The feeling of her folding your fingers over and over again to sign out 'safe', helped calm you.

You sniffled as she continued to hold you.

"You were right. We don't have a choice. I tried. I really did, but they just killed her. Ari made me watch. I-I-I felt the blood under my shoe. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She didn't like the way you cried harder. She didn't like how she was right. She hoped deep down that she was wrong. That maybe she was just jealous about the attention you gave Reik.

She wished that was the case.

If it were, then she wouldn't have to watch her big sibling break right in front of her.

"I'm sorry, for saying that I hated you. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to get mad at you. Maybe if I hadn't, you'd be okay."

You shook your head against her.

"Not your fault."

Then your next words came as a shock to her.

"We have to get out of here. I don't want to be apart of this anymore. That lady, she wanted to help me, and I got her killed. I don't wanna do it anymore. I don't want to hurt people anymore."

You wanted to leave.

And so did she.

But it was practically unheard of to leave the clan unless it was for business. Could the two of you really do it?

"Hey, Y/n?"

You clutched her tighter in response.

"Promise me. You have to promise me you won't listen to them anymore. Not to any of the superiors and not to Reik. Okay?"

Her pinkie intertwined with yours.

"I promise." You whispered.

"Now can we do one more? A real promise this time."

She summoned her faint nen into her palm. You couldn't do anything but follow suit. Still in a daze from what happened.

"Let's promise that neither of us will ever fight or kill another human being again."

You nodded. Pulling back to look her in the eye. Taking a breath before starting the chant.

"On this day I do declare, it's on my nen that I swear."

A burning sensation tingled on your wrist. By the uncomfy look on Kari's face, she felt it as well.

You two would find a way out of here.

Without hurting anyone else.

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

Week three, and Gon was already on his way to fight Knuckle. Killua had stayed behind to have a talk with Bisky. 

Lucky, she was probably gonna give him some secret pointers.

Nevertheless, he approached the usual spot. A small huddle of dogs surrounded the Beast Hunter. You would have definitely liked Knuckle. You probably would have argued with him first, but you would've come around.

Just like with Kite.

He hoped the both of you were still okay. 

"You ready, kid?" Knuckle taunted as he stood up. The dogs around him whining at his lack of attention.

"You bet! Today for sure, I just know it!" Gon did in fact not know it. But he was hopeful he was getting better.

Then the thundering started.

And the rain once again followed suit.

It'd been doing that a lot lately. Maybe it was the universe playing a cruel trick. Whatever the reason for the murky weather, it didn't matter.

He lost all his fire anyway. Shoulders dropping and expression glum. 

"Geez, you look like somebody just died. Are you sure you're good to fight? Not that I care or anything, punk!" Knuckle tried and failed to hide his concern.

It didn't hurt to give him an honest answer.

"I'm sorry Mr. Knuckle, but it looks like our fight's canceled." 

"You scared of the rain or something?"

"No, nothing like that. It's just…the rain reminds me of my big sibling. You see, right now they're waiting in the NGL for me and Killua. They left to train, same as us. And neither of us can focus now when it rains. We just start thinking about them and if they're okay. If they've found our other friend there. 

We just miss them. I really miss them. So I hope you don't mind that I can't fight you now. I really don't mean you any disrespect." Gon looked at Knuckle expecting to see him angry.

Instead, he was sniffling and wiping his eyes. When he noticed Gon's staring, he gave a halfhearted glare.

"I'm not crying, so don't you go telling people I am! I just have something in my eye! Now go on home and get a good night's rest! I better not see you out here when it rains ever again! You'll *sniff* catch a cold!"

Gon held back a laugh as he walked away.

"Okay! I won't! Thank you Mr. Knuckle!"

🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️🌑☀️

You couldn't find any information on people who'd left the clan. Not even an old excerpt. Like the thought never occurred to anyone. As if it never happened.

Soooo, you resorted to just asking around. Your first attempt was old Mr. Beuru.

"Hey, dinosaur. I've got a question for you."

He swatted at you with an old dusty news paper.

"Yeah, well spit it out, demon. I open in ten minutes."

"What happens to people who leave the clan?"

He froze. All the color draining from his face. For a brief moment, you thought he was having a heart attack. You could feel uncertainty start to rise within his aura. You couldn't help but notice the worry there as well.

"Get out of my store." It sounded cold, but his being was regretful. Like he didn't want to be doing this.

"It's just a question. It's not like-"

"Get out and stay out. Don't ever come back here. I mean it, Y/n."

He'd never used your name before. Not unless he was serious.

It stung.

"Geez, fine. Not like an old man like you would know anyways." You left disheartened.

He wasn't joking. He didn't want you to come back.

And as he watched you leave, he sunk into himself.

"I really wish I could help ya, kid. But it's best if we both forget you asked that. I'm already at risk by not reporting that in, and who knows how many you've already asked. I have to look after my own.

May Reik have mercy on your soul."

The next few people you asked had similar reactions. All going deadly silent before turning you away. It must've been a taboo subject.

You decided there was one more person you'd question: Shura. One of the nicest people you've ever met. You knew she'd help for sure.

You followed the sound of light piano strokes. A feathery voice accompanying it.

"He’d take a very nice lady and talk her down small, till she fits in the palm of his hand.

Keeps his love on the shelf, only thinks about himself.

And that’s a cold-hearted man~"

You wasted no time shoving yourself to the front. Elbowing anyone who got in your way.

She stopped playing just in time to see you.

"Ms. Shura! I've got something to ask you! But in private tho because people keep acting weird!"

She laughed at your remark. Giving a playful roll of her eyes before addressing you.

"Only you, Y/n. Please make it quick. You know how restless everyone gets. You included." She got up and followed you a little ways away from the small crowd.

"Now, tell me what's on your mind."

"I already asked your dad if he knew, but he was just a grouch about it. And so are a lot of the people I've asked. I know you won't be though. Okay here goes.

What happens if someone leaves the clan?"

And like clockwork, she paled. Looking at you with panic.

"I can't-I'm not sure-" she stuttered for a response.

"Oh honey, just what have you gotten yourself into to. How many people have you asked?"

"Dunno. Like ten."

She took a shakey sigh. Grief radiating off of her.

"... Those who leave the clan are thought of as traitors. And because they hold our secrets, they have to be...."

There was so much sadness in her eyes. All of it directed towards you.

"They're dealt with the way we deal with targets. And talks about leaving are treated like treason. The punishment is the same.....I-oh, Y/n. You can't stop by here anymore."

You were once again being pushed away. And this time you wanted to know why.

"Why? Is there some penalty for talking to me now?"

"Sweety, I've already said too much. You have to go home right now. Please, it's for your own good."

That caught your attention. Were you putting her at risk by talking about it? What did she mean by for your own good? You didn't get the chance to ask as she quickly backed away.

Leaving you standing confused.

You reported it all back to Kari, who had just about as much luck as you. With no other conclusion other than the both of you would die if you were caught, it was time to devise a plan.

You waited two weeks. Learning the paths each individual would take during both the day and night. Who would come and go.

With the recent change and in weather, you decided a rainy night would be the best chance. Nobody would be out. And if they were, you'd be able to handle them.

"Hey, Y/n. When we get out, you promise we'll stay together?"

You gave a wide smile at her question.

"Forever and beyond. But we gotta have some basic goals, don't you think? Let's have a big house!"

"And a dog! I want a puppy." She added.

You nodded excitedly.

"Ooh! I've got a great one! Let's go to one of those amusement parks! I wanna ride the big circle! I heard you can see everything from the top."

"I think they call that one a Ferris wheel. But yeah! Anything else?"

"Not that I can think of. But I have a feeling we'll come up with more."

It was one of the last interactions you ever had with her. One last bit of peace before everything went wrong.

You waited for the thundering sound of rain. Cracking open your window when it was in full force. You jumped down, bracing your legs against the force.

'Now you.'

You made exaggerated signs so she'd be able to see.

Kari gave a brief nod and jumped. You caught her with ease. Setting her down and making sure to have a firm grip on her hand.

"We walk. They might suspect something if we run." You whispered before leading her forwards.

You two moved in silence. The rain masking any potential audible steps. So far so good. You were about halfway through the village.

You were really gonna do it.

You were really gonna leave.

You could feel your heart beating in your chest. Both out of nerves and excitement.

"It's about time. We were starting to wonder when you'd try to leave."

The both of you froze. Angry and disappointed auras surrounded the two of you.

You shouldn't have asked around.

You shouldn't have tried to get information.

You really should have took Beuru's reaction as a sign.

Maybe then you wouldn't be here so afraid. So terrified of dying.

But you had a responsibility. You had something to protect right now. As long as she got out safe, you'd accept whatever happened to you.

You could feel her fear. See her shaking.

"Well, what'll it be children? A swift death or will you run?" A man questioned.

You tensed up and prepared to make your move.

'Guard up.' You quickly signed.

You felt Kari engulf her body in her aura, then released your own. Pouring all your ill intentions to make it stronger.

The feeling of it caught the people in front of you off guard. Some falling down from the force.

You took that as your opportunity to run. Using all your nen into your legs and pushing them the fastest they would go.

You could sense others falling in pursuit. Barley dodging any projectiles sent your way. You prided yourself on your speed.

It was good to know that all your training had paid off. You'd urged Kari in front of you. Making sure she was ahead of everyone.

A bullet whizzed by your check.

Not good.

"Keep running! Look at me! Look at me!" You ordered. Her frantic eyes meeting yours.

"Don't stop! Not even for a second because if you do, we're dead! I'll be right behind you, Kari!"

With that you turned on the heel of your shoe. Coming face to face with a very familiar person.

"I knew something was up with you, but I never would of guessed this." Deshin sighed out.

"Maybe if you tell Father what happened, he'll spare you. Both of you. I don't want to fight you"

You took a step back from him.

Was this what you sounded like to Kari?

Oblivious to anything not under Reik's eye?

Taking his word as absolute.

"Then don't fight me. Just back off and let us go." 

He flashed you a hurt look before you lunged forward. You just couldn't risk it. Not when the two of you were this close.

Your first made contact with his stomach. The attack surprising him. Not ready to block it off with his nen. 

You raced after Kari as he crumpled to the floor.

"I'm sorry."

You practically leapt over the gate, following after the faint trail of Kari's aura. Your hopeful look replaced by sheer terror when you reached her.

Reik had his hand around her neck, dangling her off the floor. He met your terrified look with one of disappointment.

"Naughty children, dealing with the consequences of their actions. Look at you? Are you frightened?"

You started trembling at the intensity from his aura. So malicious and cruel. So cold and unforgiving. You wouldn't feel another one like it until 13 years later. 

Your eyes unable to look away from the sight. Kari watched with panic as you took a step backwards. Then three.

"Y/N!!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!! YOU PROMISED!!!!" She struggled against the tight grip around her neck. Hopelessly kicking her legs in an attempt to get free.

Reik observed your cowardly actions with disapproval.

"Fine then, be a coward. Flee if you're so desperate to 'live.' Run if you're going to run. Use those eyes of yours to forever watch over your shoulder. But no matter how fast you are or how far you go, we will always be able to find you. Whether it be a whisper of your name or a spark of your aura, your fate is sealed."

A sickening 'snap' reverberated throughout the forest.

You didn't even get the chance to see her body hit the floor. Already fleeing as fast as you could. Pushing your legs the fastest they would go and then some.

You didn't stop for a whole day. Collapsing on the ground when you felt like you were far enough. You stayed on the floor unmoving.

Most likely you were going into shock.

You made no move to get up, even as you were shivering from the cold. Your clothes completely soaked through.

You laid there cold and now hungry.

But you didn't move, not an inch….

Because you deserved to suffer for her death.

You knew you were in the alleyway of some city, but that was all. You knew nothing aside from that. Your mind unable to process everything that just happened.

The first few days ended up with you reaching for Kari, only to find out she wasn't there.

It took you about a month to come to terms with your current situation. And when you did, you cried. You sobbed until your eyes and throat hurt. She was gone. She was gone and you couldn't even have a proper burial for her.

You were free, but at what costs?

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

The first year you tried to make an honest living. Asking around if anybody had food or water to spare.

You learned very quick the world wasn't too kind to street rats.

If you weren't ignored, you were yelled at for bothering them.

It got to the point where you were so hungry, you stole an old loaf of bread from a dumpster. The owner of the establishment catching you in the act.

He chased you down, along with some other men. And due to your malnourishment, you didn't have to strength to outrun them.

Instead, curling into a ball as you tripped. Clinging onto to only food you would have in days. 

Pain.

Excruciating pain.

Your first response when they started kicking you was to get up and fight back. But as you sat up and caught one of their legs, your wrist started burning.

Your promise to Kari.

You wouldn't have minded breaking it. You had no use for nen now that you'd been exiled from your clan.

But it was the only thing you had left of her.

So you endured it.

You let them beat you down until they got tired and left. Your bread smashed flat. 

You weren't even hungry anymore.

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

By your fifth year running from city to city, you gave up on trying to survive honestly. What was the point of being a good person anymore? You already had blood on your hands.

You used your speed to your advantage, stealing the money from wallets and purses in order to feed yourself. Using whatever was left over to buy yourself cheap clothes.

Occasionally you'd steal those too.

You weren't living anymore.

You were surviving.

You had nothing except your life and the promise attached to it.

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

About ten years in, you stole something that would become your golden goose. An old game cartridge with a ring. The name of it: Greed Island.

You remembered hearing about this. Some hunter dude made it. And from what you recalled, it was a very rare game. Going for billions at auction houses.

But you stopped caring about money years ago. No, what you were interested in was what the game did. 

It teleported people inside.

Away from the real world.

You'd finally be able to stop looking over your shoulders. You wouldn't have to worry about maintaining your zetsu.

So you went to one of those bidder places and promised you'd beat the game. Choosing whatever three cards they wanted if you were able to play.

The idiot, of course agreed.

And you'd spent two years there. Isolated because it was better that way. Card raiders showing up every now and then. But you showed them why it would be wise to stay away from you.

Terrifying them to the point they avoided your little territory. And you were content to live that way. Content to spend the rest of your days there.

Until the boys showed up.

And now you were here.

🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘🌘

You just couldn't do it. You couldn't kill these things without triggering your hemophobia. And if you couldn't work past that, then all the time spent here was a waste. You were useless if you couldn't even stand the feeling of a drop of blood on you.

You knew there would be much more when it came time to face the queen and her guards.

Damnit.

If only there was a way for you to fight from a sizeable distance. One that wouldn't risk anything touching you. One that wouldn't exactly count as you fighting.

A weapon was out of the question. Not unless you could use a bow and arrow. And even then, you had precise calculations, aim not so much.

You weren't exactly a manipulator and trying this late in the game would be futile. 

Maybe you could conjure something?

You were good at visualization. You were sure of that, even if you were a little rusty. So what then?

What would you conjure?

"Hey, Y/n! Guess what I found for us!" Kari shouted. You'd closed your ears from the noise, but were more than happy to go along.

"What'd you find?"

She lifted up the floorboard and revealed two small marionettes. A rusty clown puppet and a burnt ballerina.

"Get that out of the room right now. There's a 95% chance they're possessed." You lectured, not even bothering to touch them.

"They only look like that because I found them in a burt down farmhouse. It gives them personality. Please, can we keep them? We've never been allowed to have real toys. Please?"

And as always you were a sucker for her.

"Fine. Which one's mine and which one's yours?"

"You can have the ballerina: Shika. And I'll keep Henry."

"You give out the most horrendous names, I swear. But thank you for finding these for us."

Yeah.

Henry and Shika.

Puppets with strings.

They could be operated at a distance. And you had seen them plenty that conjuring would be a breeze. The only catch though…

Could you make them physical before time ran out?

You didn't get a chance to try it out before you were surrounded by ants. Probably a squadron if you had to guess.

"The line. Don't cross it." You warned once again.

But did they listen?

They never did.

You got up to one again use your Caster's Net. However, things just wouldn't go your way today. A fog rolled in. No, not a fog.

Smoke.

So thick you couldn't see through it. And neither could the ants judging by their confused sounds. You quickly focused your eyes to find their auras, not wanting to be ambushed.

Yet the second you did, a portal opened up under you. You fell to the ground of a small room along with the ants. 

The light in there was blinding. Like a hospital room. Then you heard a voice. A familiar voice you hadn't heard in years.

"Alright, let's see if any of you prove to be a good warm up."

That old geezer.

Of course the association sent him in.

Why wouldn't they?

You didn't have anytime to control your aura before it erupted. An anger so thick, it was suffocating. The ants near you collapsing on the ground as you made your way to the front.

Netero's eyes went wide when he realized that aura was coming from you.

"So you made it after all. I thought for sure you would have stayed with those boys."

"Cut the shit. Let me out of whatever this is and I'll have the pleasure of never seeing you again." You knew you were probably being too mean. But damnit, he sanctioned and allowed the things Reik did.

Were you not supposed to be upset with that?!?

"Still rude, I see."

Your aura only intensified at the remark. You took a deep breath before calming down. You were being an idiot. Overreacting after finally letting your memories resurface.

Holding a grudge against Netero but not against the man who killed your sister?

Pathetic.

You needed to ne smart about this. Not become overwhelmed by your grief and frustration.

"Just get me out of here. I don't have the time to be upset right now. I have to be training." 

At this, the old man quirked a brow.

"Training? These ants must be tougher than I thought."

"It's not the regular ants I'm worried about. It's that damn furry." You mumbled. You'd get that cat bitch back if it was one of the last things you did.

"Hey, old man? Let me ask you something. Why do you continue to associate with that man? You know what he's done. What he's still doing. Why are you still friends with him?" You wanted to know. To have bit of closure on that chapter of your life.

You figured if they hadn't come for you now, then you truly were free to live. That didn't mean you wouldn't be careful still.

"It is not my decision to associate with your-with Reik." He corrected before continuing.

"It's the Hunter's Association. I have no control over what they rule in favor of. But I suppose no one ever told you that. Not at your young age."

"I was seven. And now I don't care enough about hunters to ask around. I just wanted a straight answer, and now that I have it, get me out of here." You sounded drained.

By the dark circles under your eyes, you looked drained too.

"Very well then. I wish you luck out there."

"Suck an egg old geezer."

You remembered meeting the old man when you were younger. Reik introduced you as a prodigy, like he always did. Based on that, Netero challenged you to a game.

One he would have later challenged your two boys.

If you could take the ball from him, he would make you an honorary hunter. And back then that'd been your purpose. Your one goal.

So you played along. Almost swiping away the ball several times before giving up. You'd liked him back then. 

But your perspective of all hunters had been soured since then. You didn't want anything to do with them. 

And it would have stayed that way had you not met Gon and Killua. They'd shown you once again that hunters weren't all that bad.

That it was just some people who could be terrible. It didn't matter what they were. You'd changed a lot since you were a kid.

But now, you were starting to become the person you were.

The one who loved to be around their peers. 

The one who loved to joke around and laugh with their loved ones.

The one who loved living instead of being forced to survive.

---------------------------

Fun Fact #15: Y/n isn't a fan of sour foods. 'Why is it spicy' reaction

MASTERLIST

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs

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An: Sorry it took so long! We should be getting the alternate chapter for decisions in a few days. Maybe two??? Also for chapter fifteen, I present you with a choice 😏