#once again too male coded for women but definitely not a man either

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

i love my friends so much and i appreciate them so much but i also still feel so alienated because none of them struggle with substance abuse the way i do and they have a very different overall experience with men and also relationships and are not as aggressive and loud as i am they did not almost die they have not experienced the degree of sexual abuse i have and so on i of course enjoy spending time with them but i do feel a disconnect is always there and i guess thats normal and human and a lot of women feel lonely this way but i dont know i feel like there is something or someone missing it just feels like im waiting for something to happen but i dont know what

[jockpoetry]

supernatural sees women as a tool for development and strengthening of narratives/motivation and dean sees his body as a tool. is that anything?

When I saw this ask I really made the 🥴in real life. So, yeah anon, I do think there’s something to this.

Quick Disclaimer before I actually launch into my thoughts™: A lot of my read of Dean stems from my experience as both an oldest daughter and a transman. Being the oldest daughter was an experience I lived for many years, but I am also a man. I wasn’t raised as a man, I wasn’t socialized as a man, and even though once I came out upon reflection my masculinity was obviously there. Like I was a man™ before I knew I was a man. Even when I actively tied my identity to femininity for a long time! A lot of my prideful moments were based around statements like: “I was the only girl who (fill in the blank).” 

So I am just putting that out there before I launch into my spiel about Dean/Gender/Tool because they all interlock for me. 

I am also going to apologize in advance because I know this has fully gone off the rails and I’m not even done writing it yet. If this is incomprehensible ! Well, happens to the best of us.

First off, most importantly I guess before we discuss womanhood and Dean and the way both are utilized on the show I need to say that I personally don’t subscribe the whole Dean is female coded thing. 

It’s a read I can absolutely understand. But for me..he’s not. 

He’s a hypermasculine man to the point that when (and because he is written as a punchline, as the stupid™ brother, as the whore™, as the mother/father™, as daddy’s blunt instrument™, etc) Dean deviates from the pre-accepted definition of hypermasculine it’s Wrong. 

It’s Instantly Feminine. 

I think the internet has made the world very black and white, or blue and pink maybe. This point, I think, colors a lot of these discussions. Dean cooks, he cleans and so therefor he’s female coded. When that really just feeds back into the whole toxic masculinity loop. You can’t be masculine and cook and clean and cry. That’s for feminine people only. 

I get the argument! I do, I just think that Dean’s actions are not inherently feminine, it’s just in the vacuum of Female and in the Absence of Traditional Masculinity it makes sense to assign him female coded and move on.

IN FACT the way that Dean is the action hero of the show, the Masculine™ one on the show - but he cries, and he rages, and he cooks (Again and Again) and cleans (Again and Again). The fact he’s macho and confident but he has so little self esteem. Is frankly insane to me. You have this blaze of glory character who is so depressed that they have him kill himself. Twice. In explicitly “I hate myself, I hate hearing all the things I hate about myself, I want to destroy myself” ways. 

On just a regular ol’ network show that is just ungodly bad at times. They let their Male Hero cry - all the time (if I linked every example of this the essay would be...longer than it already is, but just take my word for it). Dean tears up and grieves and shows more than just Angry Horny Violent™ (he shows plenty of that, don’t get me wrong) but he’s Emotional (Again and Again and Again). In many different ways!

I mean, beyond even just tearing up, they make their Male Hero™ face sexual violence in pretty, uniquely horrifying - and queer! - ways.

Let’s make it clear, they did a lot of this unintentionally. 

Or they do it as a joke. 

Off of dean for a moment to say women are plot devices in this show. I could probably count on one hand female characters who have sincere depth to them that have roles outside of progressing plot, filling a filler episode, and who are still alive. Like even characters such as Charlie who are wholly developed, and interesting, are only remembered/mentioned/utilized to progress plots or fill an episode out - and then she dies. For pain™ for plot™ for no other reason than to traumatize a character. 

Which let’s also make it clear Dean’s trauma is also only used as a plot device (as is Sam’s but in a different way, and Cas’ trauma is a whole other barrel of fish we’re not gonna dive into right now). Like wholesale full stop they don’t actually care about what happened to him. Unless it’s relevant in an episode. 

Oh that boys home he was left at when he was 16 for months? Sure we’ll sprinkle that in in the back half of the series. Oh he was covered in bruises and said it was from a hunt (when it’s clear contextually they were from his father but saying the fantastical but true is easier than saying the uncomfortable but true). As Dean says though the story became the story, he was sixteen. He just went along with what John said.

We only see Dean ever truly rage at John, by the way, when either Dean is dead (when he’s between life and death and he rages at John, right before John “apologizes” for traumatizing him, for putting too much on Dean’s shoulders, and fucking dying) or John is dead (the Djinn episode where Dean is straight™ and John is dead™ and he goes to his grave and just yells and rages like he should have to his father in the real world).

Dean’s trauma from being both tortured and torturer in hell? Yeah, we don’t talk about that after it’s Relevant™. Even though it’s clear - especially in the demon!dean, mark of cain era, all those years later - Alastair still has his hooks inside of Dean. I stopped watching originally after s8 ended. I was fed up with the show, and with this whole renaissance I’ve been doing a rewatch and I’m into season twelve now and it really has never come up again. 

Even when he had the mark of cain and he was tasked with questioning and accused of torturing it was “the mark has changed you” and not “you were victim and victimizer in hell for forty years, which is longer than you’ve been alive on earth” (and, was about as long as he wound up living. Which is desperately sad.

Because we talk about Sam’s desire for a “normal” life but, Dean wanted out too. He was tired in the first few seasons of this show, he never had a chance to taste freedom (we don’t count the boys home, because that was a different kind of regimented life, and it was a false freedom) the way that Sam did in Flagstaff with Bones or at Stanford with Jessica. Love for Dean is sacrificing, it’s putting himself/his happiness/his well-being last.

Because Dean only knows love in the context of violence (like all of these fun examples, for starters) is a phrase that I’ve said a lot both in private chats and on here, and I absolutely think it goes to him being a tool (a blunt instrument, a plot device, so both textually and metatextually) instead of a person. Which Cas sees Dean’s shame/guilt and sees that side of Dean because he touched his soul, and saw more than just the Righteous™ man, more than just the tool, he saw A good man, not a machine. 

On the other side though you have how “bad guys” view Dean: Desperate, Sloppy, Needy, Dean’s hole (Again), which is again so wildly counterintuitive to the story of a Macho Man Hero™. You’re using vocabulary that is both queering him and feminizing (and I know this a meme format, but sincerely it is done in a derogatory way it is feminizing. It’s breaking him down to bare parts, to a sloppy hole). 

My whole rewatch I have been absolutely fascinated by how identity and free will is utilized/conceptualized on this show. Castiel has been my main focus, but Dean and how he is framed by himself and others is...fascinating - and frustrating. The writers inconsistency lends itself not only to this unintentionally queer character, but also one that again is incredibly easily read as a non-traditionally masculine character.

As a feminine character.

This show has so few female characters that of course it had to foist the roles/behaviors/plots that a female character might have onto a male character. Which I think is part of why reading Dean as trans (either transmasc, or transfemme) is so easily done like.   

Half of these are shit posts, but you can find trans allegories/textual evidence in this show again, again, again, again, and again. And this is unintentional, they don’t want you to look at Dean and see woman, former future or present. Like a lot of these I’m sure are punchlines for them, because women/queer folk are punchlines to them. 

Sometimes the only women in an episode are random witnesses who get two sentences of dialogue, and then the main guest character is a man. Who flirts with Dean, and Dean is receptive to it. 

They paint themselves into a corner, there are female Rabbi. So easily could Aaron have been a woman instead of a man, but they made the choice to play up the HaHa Dean & Men card. 

Because, again, Dean has filled the slot of Woman™ of Female Lead™ and the flirting would’ve been straight if Dean was a woman. It’s a plot device, they needed to have the guest character be disarming, be cute, make the main character flustered. 

It’s just the main character is a man, because they’re allergic to women. But they still need those female plots, tools of femininity, to move their show forward. I mean I am a big subscriber to transmasc Jo (no idea if anyone else is with me on this one, but let me explain). Jo is in love with Dean (concept) not Dean (actuality). Which, we’ve all had our eggs cracked by someone like that. We were in love with them until we realized we just wanted to be them.

He loved her like a little sister, she loved him like a lost idol. He’s a golden calf and she dies for him, because she believed in him, she was the original character dashed at the altar of the Winchesters. 

I fully believe if she had lived and if this show had a crumb of actual good writing Jo could have been a deeply compelling transmasc character. But I also think she’s a fascinating inversion of Dean. Dean is a Masculine Character who subverts Toxic Masculinity, Jo is a Tomboy™ she’s not your (if you take it straight, literally and metaphorically) average female love interest. She’s angry, she’s not soft at all, all edges and corners and thorns. She isn’t helpless, she’s stubborn but not in a “you’re going to get punished for this” way. She’s right when she’s stubborn. She’s helpful, she’s a martyr. 

I could do a whole other essay just on Jo (and Ellen, and Ash, what a fucking trio!) but needless to say Jo was one of the first...plot device feminine tools sacrificed to this show. She was a regular, she was unique, she was an engaging character, and she still died (to progress the plot? no. for man pain? yeah, for like three episodes maybe, and then it’s forgotten just like the rest of Dean’s trauma, as we mentioned above). 

Dean and Women and Love is a very interesting tool used too because. Boy they sure try to make Dean love women and it fails in small ways, and in big, meaningless, failed het domesticity (again) ways. Not to mention whatever Lust (in the form of a woman) having no effect upon him, when they could have used that moment to assert his Masculinity and Heterosexuality. He behaved normally? And...also...whatever the fuck the Adios thing was!

Like they have these opportunities to make him Traditionally (toxically) Masculine, but make the choice to...not? To soften him. Because it’s a tool. He’s their female lead, textually he had to take on the role of mother(/father) to Sam, but...I mean this is a million miles long already. I know, but we absolutely can’t not talk about his Paternal/Maternal behaviors. (Which appear again and again again and again, outside of his relationship with Sam even/especially). He’s the mother hen, sage, safety net, beacon, home to so many side characters they meet.

I mean in many ways Jody is also a Dean comparison. Lost her family. Found a new family. She is non-traditionally feminine, but easily flustered and Silly™ (let’s just drop the entire sex talk over family dinner scene with Alex and the boys and looking to them for help, even though she was already a mother, and she’s a cop, and a hunter and this confident no nonsense individual.... She’s not). We are meant to see her as this hard ass, but she makes extra food for the boys to take back to the bunker. She’s deadly in a fight, but also still easily overwhelmed and put into damsel mode, and she cares so much even in the face of adversity.

It’s also fun to see how Jo | Jody are reflections of Dean at different points of his life. Younger, cocky | Older, settled.

Even when the text tries to tell us that he’s not.

When it reminds us that he’s violent. That he is his father, even if he says that Sam is more like John (which was reflexive, which was angry because of Adam and how Sam was behaving like Dean in that episode, and yes there are parallels to be drawn between Sam and John, the show barely dives into them). Instead we’re told that Dean is John (Again and  Again and Again and Again). 

So intensely that a fanfictionalized version of the Winchester Gospels makes it an entire fucking musical number. 

And yet, despite the texts insistence to make Dean Macho Man Father Reborn™ We get this Dean who is silly (and directly compared/contrasted to the female character in this scene), soft, in heels, nagging, and... Sully (you know Sam’s imaginary friend who has the same Haircut Dean has, who is a softer, shorter, friendlier, campier, version of Dean who was a replacement For Dean until the real one let Sam back in? That? Sully?) it’s hard to take them seriously. 

Hell, even when he was A DEMON? What did they do? They had him sing off-key drunken karaoke, they had him doing this ! Like that’s your hero, unhinged, free to be as bad as he could be, and you put him in a cowboy hat in a romance with the king of hell. 

The Female Lead, everyone. Who’s biggest betrayal(s) comes at the hands of his love interest (again, a man even though it was an angel who could’ve taken any vessel! who could’ve been recast, who canonically dies admitting his love to Dean - that one), who he tries so hard to be loyal to. 

The contradictions of his character are laughable. He is so emotional, but if he is engaged about his emotions? He shuts down, or he’s exasperated about being asked about them. It really is Female Lead/Only Here For The Plot disease, because everything is more important than him. How’s he doing? Doesn’t matter outside of the context of how x character is doing or that y character is dead. Or his emotions only matter if they’re done in penance. 

They also really do frame him as Pretty Boy™ in a violent way, or in a derogatory manner. They’ll give us homoerotic shots like this or these and never really acknowledge how these are gay shots. Sorry the gun scene is a a straight up sex scene, the beer sip spilling out over his mouth is oral, the scene where Cas fills up Dean’s glass with whisky is also a sex scene, they do this shit on purpose but accidentally queer it up. If Dean was a woman these scenes wouldn’t even matter. They’d be passing moments, but because he is not just a man but A Man™ they’re insane to see.

Not to mention all of these scenes and all the ones I haven’t linked where Dean dresses up. He performs masculinity, but he performs femininity too. He’s a plot device that is slotted in to whatever role they need. He’s Super Straight Butch Man™ but coaches the lesbian on how to successfully flirt with a man. He’s Action Hero™ who sits through a montage with the same lesbian and yays and nays her outfits, and enjoys himself.

Fuck he loves dressing up, he feels better in these costumes because performing a character is easier than being himself. Because who is Dean? He’s a tool, both textually and metatextually. It is exactly how the women and because of the women on the show that Dean is the way that he is. If there was a more steady female presence Dean would not be half as much of a plot device or half as camp/gay/feminine/non-traditionally masculine/queer coded as he is. 

In conclusion....

[firstofficerwiggles]

Dress Code, Part 1

Part 2, Part 3 (T rated), Part 3 (M rated)

Pairing: Din Djarin x female reader

Rating: T

Warnings: Some swearing, references to sexuality, mostly just fluff with some longing

Summary: You’re headed out to shop when Din takes issue with your dress

Word Count: ~3000

Author’s Note: This will be at least a two part story, possibly three parts if I can make it all connect well. This takes place at some point between seasons or maybe early on in Season 2. 

P.S. There’s a tiny nod to Ed Sheeran in this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Is that what you’re wearing?” the Mandalorian’s gruff voice questions as you are getting the child ready for a day of supply shopping. It feels like forever since you’ve been off the ship and you are in dire need of fresh food and other essentials. You swear if you have to eat one more packet of reconstituted soup your taste buds will shrivel and die. You are also desperately looking forward to breathing in fresh air and feeling the sunshine on your skin again. As luck would have it, you’ve landed in a spot that is lush and green with a moderate climate, and as you flew by overhead you spied a bright and colorful village with a bustling marketplace.

Back home you never would have considered food shopping a reason for dressing up, but after many long months on a starship, these brief outings feel like a special event to you. In your eagerness to be outside again, you decided to wear a pretty sundress that you love. It hugs your curves in all the right places but still manages to be flowy and soft, plus you know this color is one of the most flattering for you. Ok, maybe you didn’t need to also do your hair and makeup quite this nicely, but you figured, why not? it made you feel good. Plus there was the added hope that maybe the Mandalorian would look at you for once as more than just a crew member. Not that you should want him to do that, you remind yourself strictly, he is your boss after all.

“I suppose it’s a little dressier than normal for shopping, but I think I look nice,” you respond smoothing your hands over the dress and feeling a small thrill of delight that at least he noticed the dress.

Din makes a hmpf sort of sound as if he wants to disagree with you but can’t bring himself to actually say anything definitive.

“What do you think, sweet baby?” you say with a wink to the child. He grins up at you and makes his happy cooing sounds. “He seems to like it.”

“Let’s get going,” Din says, ignoring your comment and handing you your cloak.

“I don’t need my cloak, Mando, it’s a warm, sunny day out there,” you tell him.

“So, you’re just going to go out, like that, exposed.” He is still holding out the cloak to you.

“Exposed?” you say with a laugh, “This is a perfectly respectable dress.”

“Your arms are naked and so are most of your legs and toes,” he points out. His hands are on his hips and he tilts his helmet as if his eyes are traveling down your body taking in the knee-length sundress and ending at your open-toed sandals. You feel your cheeks flush and the ship seems warmer all of a sudden as he scrutinizes your body.

“Mando, I know this is more skin than you’d ever show, but trust me, non-Mandalorian women dress like this all the time,” you reason with him. “Besides, I wasn’t aware this marketplace had a strict dress code.”

“What if it does?” he retorts.

“Seriously. Is that the best you can do?” You’re getting a little annoyed at him now, and as you think about it you realize he’s made a few off-hand comments recently about the way you dress. Why is he making this an issue?

Din knows he is being a pain in the ass about the dress and it has much more to do with him than he would care to admit. He’s noticed that you wear your prettiest clothes each time you leave the ship, but this is the first time he’s openly questioned you about it. When he hired you to help him out with the child, he thought you were much too beautiful and that it was probably a bad idea. Hell, everyone always has jokes about dads and hot nannies. But he also knew that was a really shitty and misogynistic reason to deny someone a job, so he hired you because you were clearly the best candidate. Din had been absolutely right in that area and he admired the way you had bonded with the child and cared for him as if he were your own. But still, lately everything you do has been driving him crazy with desire and he’s getting more frustrated by the day. Just yesterday he had walked in on you cooking dinner, playing music, and dancing around the ship’s tiny galley. He was transfixed as you swayed your hips to the beat and listened to the singer crooning to you that he was in love with your body. It had made him flee to the fresher for a cold shower just to calm down. Frankly, the sight of you in this dress is making him yearn for another cold dousing. Besides that, he knows that the moment you get to the marketplace, his eyes won’t be the only ones on you, a thought that makes his stomach churn with ill-placed jealousy, but one that does give him an idea for a better counter-argument.

“You’ll attract too much attention.” Din finally tells you soundly.

“Excuse me? Mr. Head-to-Toe Beskar? I attract too much attention.” You sound incredulous.

“I attract the right kind of attention that says, ‘back off’,” he replies, “but you attract horny male attention, that seems to say, ‘hang around and be a pain’.”

“Oh, puh-lease. I’m not the only one who can attract horny male attention, Mando,” you sass back at him with a playful look, “The galaxy takes all kinds, and who can resist a man in shining armor?”

“Well,” Din clears his throat and looks away for a moment, “that may be the case,” he mutters, but then he turns his visor back towards you, and says more confidently, “but the men you attract are much more aggressive and persistent.”

“Maker, Mando, that was like one time, and he took off after you punched him.” You will admit there was a scene a few weeks ago in a particularly rowdy cantina where some creep wouldn’t leave you alone, until the Mandalorian hauled off and hit him square in the nose. You had been mortified at the time that he had needed to do it, but you would also swear that Mando had enjoyed punching the guy.

“I didn’t like your dress that night either,” Din lies to you. He did like it but he didn’t like seeing other men like it too.

You roll your eyes at that comment and sigh, “Since when do you care so much about my clothing choices?”

“I care when they might bring you unwanted attention,” he insists, “I do feel a responsibility for your welfare even if you don’t seem to.”

“Well, listen, is there any chance you are going to let me wander around this marketplace alone?” you ask changing tactics.

“Hell no,” he replies swiftly.

“Ok, then, problem solved.”

“What do you mean ‘problem solved’?”

“I mean no one is going to bother me if you are by my side all day,” you explain. He crosses his arms at this, but he doesn’t have a response. “That creep in the cantina only got so bold because I was by myself at the bar while you were negotiating that bounty. I’m sure he wouldn’t have dared try anything if you had been right there.” You decide to take things a bit further in attempt to end this silly argument, “Would you care to make a wager?”

“A wager?” he’s curious now.

“If a man hits on me while you’re by my side, I’ll let you pick out my clothing for a month. However, if no one hits on me, you say nothing about my clothing for two months.”

“One month,” he counters.

“Alright, fine, one month, either way,” you agree. “But, it only counts if you are by my side, if you walk away from me all bets are off.”

“I won’t be walking away from you, and you better not wander off either,” he warns.

“Do we have a deal?” You hold out your hand for him to shake.

“Deal,” he says taking your hand.

---------------------------------------------

Your little party picks their way through the marketplace with ease stopping by stalls of fresh fruit, vegetables, cheeses, breads, and a delectable selection of pastries that has the child reaching out with both hands from his floating pram. The sneaky rascal had got a particularly large one in his mouth before you even had a chance to make your selection. Thankfully the vendor was entranced by his adorable face and hadn’t been bothered at all by his momentary thievery. This village has been nice and you’re enjoying the day not just due to the lovely weather, but also because of your little competition with the Mandalorian. You’ve noticed men giving you appreciative looks, but you’ve been cozying up to your Mando as much as possible, even going so far as to put your hand in the crook of his arm at times as you walk through the streets. In a few instances you were a little worried you might lose the wager when a particularly enthusiastic vendor was trying to make a sale, but fortunately for you, everyone had stayed polite and focused on helping you make your selections.

Din could see that he was well on his way to losing this wager. Normally, that would irritate him thanks to his competitive nature, but spending time with you like this was worth it. He had the chance to watch your happy face as you strolled through the colorful market and to listen to you cheerfully greet people and negotiate prices to get the best bargains. There was such an easy enthusiasm about you as you took pleasure in something that otherwise would have been mundane. It made him feel more lighthearted too. Yet the best part of this shopping trip was how attentive you were being towards him. Din was thoroughly enjoying the way you checked with him before making final selections of your purchases, the way your hand touched his arm, and the way you kept looking over to him with a smile. You were even letting him place a hand on the small of your back at times as he guided you towards different stalls. He had been right about you drawing attention from other men, but apart from a few appreciative glances, they had stayed away, no doubt because to all outward appearances Din and you looked like a couple.

You’ve been making good progress on your shopping list, and there are just a few more items you want to get before heading back to the Crest. You know you are supposed to be focused on picking up the essentials for the next few weeks, but your eye is drawn to a jeweler’s stall nearby and the pretty pieces he has on display. You let yourself wander over as the Mandalorian follows.

“Good afternoon,” the vendor greets you cheerfully, “please take a look, it’s all my own work, handcrafted right here,” and he gestures to a workshop behind the stall. He has many beautiful items but one necklace in particular catches your eye. It is a pendant shaped like a flower and it looks to be made of some type of silver. The flower has a second shinier metal filigree on top creating a lovely design that is topped off with tiny silver balls that glint in the sunlight.

“Would you like to try it on?” the jeweler asks you.

“Oh, I’d love to,” you reply eagerly. You lift the pendant up and place it around your neck, and then try to clasp it, but with your hair in the way, you can’t seem to get it to latch.

“Allow me,” Din’s fingers replace your own. You lift your hair up for him, and then tell yourself to breathe as his gloves gently brush over your neck. Perhaps it’s your imagination, but it feels as if he lets his hands linger there longer than necessary. When he takes a step back, you whirl around and ask, “How does it look?”

“You look beautiful,” Din replies, more honestly than he planned, your eyes lighting up at his compliment. He watches you turn back around towards a mirror the jeweler has set up to admire the necklace yourself. His eyes are drawn back to the pendant which is now glittering just at the top of your cleavage enticingly. He watches your delighted face in the mirror, enjoying the simple pleasure of wearing something beautiful.

“Your wife has excellent taste,” the jeweler’s words cause Din to turn his head and come back to the rest of the world. “That’s one of my favorite pieces.”

“What it’s made of?” Din asks the jeweler, not bothering to correct him on the word ‘wife’.  

“It’s silver with beskar plating,” the jeweler explains, “I’m not surprised she likes it so much,” he says in a conspiratorial whisper and a slightly cheeky glance at the Mandalorian.

“How much?” Din asks.

You haven’t been paying any attention to Din and the jeweler; you’ve been too busy admiring the pretty necklace and imagining what it would be like to wear it to a special night out with your favorite dress. You’re so caught up in your daydreaming that it isn’t until you hear a merry laugh from the jeweler that you realize how long you’ve been staring at yourself in the mirror. Your cheeks flush thinking that you must look so vain, and you turn to the jeweler and say, “Thank you so much for letting me try this on, but I suppose I better take it off now.”

“There’s no need, lovely lady, your husband has already purchased it for you,” he says with a grin.

You’re stunned both by the jeweler calling the Mandalorian your husband and with delight that he has bought you such a beautiful gift. Before you realize what you’re doing, you throw your arms around Din in a hug and thank him profusely. He is stiff for a second, not sure how to react to your embrace, but then, his arms come up to encircle you and he pulls you in tighter to his chest. He can’t remember the last time anyone hugged him and he has missed it more than he knew. For a moment, Din allows himself to enjoy the intimacy of holding you like this, and he imagines what it would be like to be able to hug you all the time.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” Din tells you softly, the term of endearment slipping from his lips before he can stop himself. Your cheeks flush with pleasure at his words and when you pull back away from him your face is shining with the brightest smile he’s ever seen. The bustling marketplace falls away and it’s just the two of you standing in the sunlight with electricity buzzing between you, until the child coos loudly reminding you both of his presence.

“We should, uh, get the rest of the… supplies,” Din says sounding a little flustered. You understand that’s he’s feeling a bit shy right now after that public display of affection. You’re feeling the same way, wondering what all of this could mean. But you know that now is not the time to reflect on those thoughts, and instead you turn back to the child, scooping him up for a quick cuddle so he no longer feels left out. The Mandalorian also reaches out to give the kid’s long ears a stroke and says, “Are you still hungry, buddy? C’mon we’ll get you another snack.”

The rest of your shopping trip passes quickly and you’re back at the Razor Crest shortly thereafter. You are still floating on air after the day you’ve had. You keep sneaking glimpses at your new necklace and smiling to yourself like a besotted school girl. Even the drudgery of unloading and then securing all the supplies in the ship doesn’t put a damper on your spirits. The Mandalorian seems to be sharing in your joyfulness, humming a little as he lifts heavy crates and sneaks a few extra treats to the child. You’re getting ready to depart, when he turns to you and says, “Well, I suppose I should congratulate you on winning our wager.”

“That’s right, I did win,” you say happily almost having forgotten about the whole silly bet, “I knew no one would bother me with you right next to me.”

“Yes, it appears you were right about that,” he says grudgingly, “this time.”

“So that means one whole month with no comments about what I choose to wear,” you remind him.

“This doesn’t mean you should take this as an excuse to wear your most scandalous outfits,” Din tries to tell you.

“Uh-uh, the month starts now, no comments from you, sir,” you reply cheekily to him. You laugh a little to yourself, scandalous outfits, he’s being so dramatic.

“I’m going to get us on our way,” Din concedes his defeat and turns to head to the cockpit, but he can’t help to get in one last word as he tells you, “I’m sure your new necklace will look just as pretty with your more conservative clothes.”

“Maybe,” you reply attempting for a nonchalant tone, but failing spectacularly as your eyes light up at his suggestion.

Din makes his way back up to his pilot’s chair and begins the take-off procedure. He shouldn’t have made that comment about the scandalous outfits, it will just give you ideas filled with your sheerest and most revealing garments. But then, he has an idea of his own. Smirking under his helmet at his own cunning, he punches in the coordinates to the icy world of Hoth and makes the jump to hyperspace.

----------------------------------

Thanks for reading! Let me know if you’d like to be tagged for Part 2.

[variousqueerthings]

Daniel LaRusso: A Queer Feminine Fairytale Analysis Part Three of Three

(another massive, massive thank you to @mimsyaf​ )

part 1

part 2

8. Queerness and femininity and masculinity and the colour red and *record breaks*

If we spin the record aaalll the way back to this paragraph: “…looking at what it is girls and women in fairytales have/don’t have, what they want, and how they’re going to get it. It’s about power (lack of), sexuality (repressed, then liberated), and men.” Reading Daniel as a repressed, bisexual boy in a society that doesn’t accept his desires it’s interesting looking at how he moves through the world of the Miyagi-verse, at how threatened other men are by him, at how obsessed they are with him.

He’s out in the symbolic woods and these large boys and men see him and decide for whatever plot reasons to come for him. And they are large and violent and attractive and apart from Johnny again, they don’t have the nebulous excuse of fighting over a girl and even that excuse dies by around the midpoint when Johnny kisses Ali just to get a rise out of Daniel. He’s not trying to “win her back,” he’s not even really looking at her. He’s just trying to get a reaction. They don’t have any of the fighters in Rocky’s excuse either of Daniel being a macho opponent. 

You can read whatever subtext into TKK1 and TKK2 (which becomes especially tempting once CK confirmed that the guys he fought at seventeen have been thinking about him ever since – for thirty-five years), but TKK3 is where it’s really At in terms of obsession and lust and forbidden desires.

Silver is presented as both a handsome prince who saves Daniel and mentors him (where Miyagi is undoubtedly cast in a fatherhood role) and later on becomes twisted into a dark secret that Daniel has to keep, while he turns that thing that Daniel loves (karate, it’s… it’s karate… it’s also men, but it’s definitely karate, because karate makes him feel… things...) into an abusive, violent version of itself.

A wolf in sheep’s clothing.

But he’s also offering him something liberating. Whatever is going on in that nightclub scene is about something other than breaking Daniel down. Even the bloodied knuckles aren’t just about revenge. It’s about giving him something that he isn’t, in the end, willing to receive, at least not from Silver. In that roundabout, strange way of these feminine fairytales, it’s exploring hidden desires through the metaphor of karate.

Daniel wears red because it’s his colour. In the movies he wears red a lot. Often in scenes with violence in them (the beach/the hilltop in TKK1 and the date/the destruction of the dojo/the final fight in TKK2), but he also has a variety of shirts (and in TKK3 pants) that pop up all the way through the narrative. He wears a red jacket when he accepts Terry’s training, when he punches a guy in the face, and when he tries to get out of the training again (as badly as that goes).

Did anyone consciously think about red’s link to desire, obsession, and violence when they made these? Eh. But is it there symbolically? When he meets Johnny, when he fights Chozen, when he’s in emotionally fraught situations with Terry? Hell yeah.

Probably the most lust-and-violence infused red is that aforementioned punching-board-until-knuckles-bleed bit – not that I thought Terry was going to pull him in for a kiss, because I knew, logically, of course he wouldn’t right? There’s no way… is there? Or later on when Daniel punches that guy and ends up with blood all over his shirt and Terry once more grasps him, euphorically. Blood is violence. Blood is also desire. Red is Daniel’s colour, even though he doesn’t acknowledge it come Cobra Kai. (Maybe he just needs someone else - cough Johnny Lawrence cough - to inspire it in him again).

Daniel LaRusso’s narrative is exploring that most feminine of fairytale tropes: To want and be wanted by monsters and having to hide those desires.

“Maybe this time that strange churning in my stomach that feels like a mix of anticipation and fear will turn out good for me.” - Daniel’s mind.

At the end of the story, Daniel saves himself, with all of the strange mixed narratives around it, and the acknowledgement that the end of The Karate Kid Part Three isn’t satisfying and its aftermath will likely be delved into in the next season of Cobra Kai.

Nevertheless, he saves himself. Not from Silver or Kreese or Barnes, and not entirely, but he makes a decision not to give in to fear (and he continues to try and live by that decision, making it over and over again for the next thirty-five years, even when the return of Cobra Kai makes that difficult for him). 

He doesn’t do it by being the strongest in the land or even through a lucky shot (although that too). He does it by refusing to be like the male antagonists that surround him, by telling them they have no power over him. The narrative isn’t just his getting lost in the forest and all the monsters he finds there, it’s about how he redefines power for himself within that forest. 

He’s a man who isn’t violent, whose victories include helping out a girl whose ex-boyfriend just broke her radio, successfully doing the moves to a cultural dance he’s trying to learn, sitting with his father figure while he cries over the death of his own father, telling a girl that she’s just made her first friend, and breathing a sigh of relief that a tree that got broken has healed. 

Daniel LaRusso is a good boy is the point!

Karate is a metaphor. It can turn into many things: A series of lessons learned about how to be his own man and take care of his own house, a respect for the history of the father teaching him and sharing his home and story with him, fear, desire, masculinity (and the different forms that can take). 

When a tall, handsome stranger offers to teach him karate in the dark, without Daniel’s caretaker knowing how to help him, and twists that karate into something that hurts him - when he reclaims that, over and over, that means something too. 

This man is fine and definitely isn’t carrying the weight of buried karate-based queer trauma - could a traumatised man do this? *stares blankly at a former tormentor as blood runs down his forehead*

9. In Conclusion Daniel Has Kissed Dudes… Symbolically… But We Can HC Literally:

So there’s Daniel and his coded feminine fairytale narrative. It’s all a series of fun coincidences.

1. Ralph Macchio is just Like That

2. Red. All the red. 

3. large portion of his storyline is about lack of power. Yes, he regains that power by the end of the first and second movie through A Fight, but generally he is framed as powerless opposite these almost monstrously physically powerful boys/men. And in the third one it’s barely even about physical prowess (he’d still lose a real fight against Barnes or Silver) and more about regaining lost autonomy off the back of a manipulative, abusive relationship with an older guy.

4. The third movie in particular is narratively a mess, but if reimagined as a fairytale makes a lot of sense (because it’s secretly all about how karate is bisexuality and Daniel gets manipulated through that desire to be better at karate).

5. Queerness and femininity and themes about hidden desires that can only be approached sideways through couching those desires in symbolism: Handshake meme.

6. The fact that the more I think about it, the more feral I am for a Labyrinth AU.

7. To sum up over 5000 words of text: The inherent homoeroticism of wanting to be slammed against a locker by a bully, but extended over three movies and ever-more inventive ways of hurting pretty-boy-Daniel-LaRusso.

Johnny’s not going to be happy when he realises Daniel’s got other ex-rivals buried in his closet...

10. Some Other Stuff Aka The Laziest Referencing I’ll Ever Do

Further reading on trans Matrix

Further reading on masculinity and rape narrative in The Rape Of James Bond

Youtube Video from Pop Culture Detective (Sexual Assault Of Men Played For Laughs)

Some film/TV references in this: Dracula (Coppola), Princess Bride, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Labyrinth, The Matrix, Rocky, Princess And The Frog, Cinderella, Enchanted, Shape Of Water, Swamp Thing, Phantom of the Opera 

Some fairytale references: Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, The Wolf And The Seven Little Kids, Alice in Wonderland, Wizard of Oz, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, Company of Wolves (Angela Carter), Through the Looking Glass, Princess Bride

Also referenced is Alison Bechdel’s graphic novel and the subsequent musical Funhome. Further thoughts on this by @thehours2002​ and @jenpsaki​:

https://thehours2002.tumblr.com/post/650033577171533824/daniel-larusso-and-fun-home-click-to-enlarge

https://jenpsaki.tumblr.com/post/650530225997971456/cobra-kai-fun-home-inspired-by-goldstargirls

My list of Cobra Kai meta posts

I wanted to delve into fairytale movies more, but then I was like “fuck, I have actual work to do,” but I was interested in the ways male and female characters are written in these stories:

The Last Unicorn, The Never-Ending Story, The Dark Crystal, Legend, and Stardust.

The Last Unicorn is an interesting one because she’s not really human, until she is. It’s more like The Little Mermaid (the fairytale, not the Disney film) in tone, and of course there’s a pretty substantiated rumour that Andersen wrote that one as a metaphor for falling in love with another man (who eventually got married). 

Andersen in general is just fun to analyse as someone who popularized so many fairytales and exists as an ambiguously queer historical figure – might’ve been modern-day gay, bi, ace, but we’re just not sure. All your favourite fairytales can be read through the lens of queer loneliness and ostracization. Just like horror.

Anyway I didn’t go into the whole Little-Mermaid-Last-Unicorn transformation bit so much as the Monstrous-Desires bit, but I think there could be something to that too, with monsters representing otherhood and all. Stardust is a kinda-almost-this, except she sticks to her human form and all is okey-dokey by the end, she’s allowed to marry the handsome man and be a star.

The Never-Ending Story has Atreyu and Bastian and because of a lack of female characters, an interesting bond between the two of them, but mainly Atreyu is absolutely a go-gettem Hero Type and it’s just interesting to see how Bastian relates to him as both an audience insert, but also eventually as his own character in that world.

The Dark Crystal contains certain… androgynous elements of feminine and masculine coded characteristics in the main character because of how he’s not human, but also they do have a “female” version of his species that he needs to go save (and bring back to life) by the end, so in a way it’s both more and less heteronormative in its characters.

Legend sees another example of a monster (literally called Darkness and looking like a traditional devil) trying to seduce a princess through promises of power, and she “goes along with it” in order to trick him and succeeds in that trick, but is ultimately saved by the male lead. 

In conclusion: I don’t even have Shrek in this.

[saturnsummer]

i don't mind forever.

AU: When Sol is handed a case, she doesn't realise how big the case gets. Luckily for her, her best friend is here. (AU of lawyers at Hankuk Law Firm.)

notes: all credits go to @thenerdywriter !! she gave me this prompt just days after i joined tumblr, and i’ve been working on and off on it ever since. my first au series, so please go easy on me! i know i’m practically killing myself for doing two series at once, but i’ll deal with it later. as always, big love to everyone! any grammar mistakes and all will be taken fully responsible by me!

ao3 link

words: 4035 words

one.

Sol scrunches her hair in frustration. She twists her long, wavy light brown hair in a bun, fixing it with a jab of her white, long chopstick hairpin. She adjusts her bangs for good measure and resumes with her report. She reaches over to her coffee mug, only to find it empty. Great, it’s the third coffee she had today, and it wasn’t even lunch. Hearing her colleagues nagging on drinking too much coffee in her head, she stands from her desk and pushes the glass door of her office to the staff pantry. Her heels click against the marble floors as she strides across, filling her cup with iced water before retreating back.

It would have been a normal day at the Hankuk Law firm, but it wasn’t when she had such a pressing case.

It's been weeks. A client of hers has pressed charges against Lee Man Ho, claiming that he scammed her life savings. Lee Manho was a convict that was charged for raping multiple women and on several occasions, sexual harassment. He had been on good behaviour after his release for a couple of years, with no complaints and no news. Only now did his name resurface. He was snarky in his speech, manipulative and quick with his tongue, but most of all had a sinister smile that sent shivers.

Sol, being Sol, couldn’t say no to the poor woman. How could she? She experienced her fair share of poverty from growing up in a single-parent family that made enough to get by. She sympathised with her feelings, knowing just how stressed this poor mother must be when she can no longer afford to pay rent for her home, even less so the necessities for her toddler kids. Because, too many times, Sol was found broke and skipping meals so she could have her younger sister, Byeol, be fed instead.

With the help of the local police, she found more victims to be scammed, all similar in their scenario. Manho would call under the alias of a financial aid consultant, sometimes an insurance agent or bank teller. Then, he would extract their bank numbers from them, effectively draining their money away. By the time they victims tried to call back, the number would be out of order, or picked up by another voice, evident that he used another number to cover up his.

None of his victims had anything in common. Some were rich, some were poor. Some were female, some were male. And Manho had long disappeared in the wind the moment he got out of jail. He was said to be sighted once and when the police placed eyes on him, they lost him that same day.

His digital footprint was an utter headache as well. The police had other things to matter, and figuring out his digital footprint was the least of their concerns when they had important murders and urgent matters to solve.

But two could play this game.

Seungjae was a good friend of Sol’s. They were close acquaintances in school and kept in close contact. He, unlike Sol, was a whiz with computer codes and had his fair share of hacking experience. She remembers how he would hack into the system during school events and broadcast short music videos on the school televisions during breaks. Despite their age gap, he was always courteous, nice and kind hearted in helping others.

Seungjae eventually found a job with the police force, using his skills to legally hack criminal networks and dark nets. He was essentially part of a task force that identified suspicious activities like mass radicalisation, fake news and essentially tracking down internet hackers. It was a no-brainer that Sol would approach him, even though she knew that he could only legally hack under his work orders, not for personal favours.

Well it’s best she at least try.

She called Seungjae, who was fortunately free, and agreed to meet at a cafe. The sun was out, warming them from the autumn breeze that chilled them. Sol grabbed her coat and placed a post-it on her door, informing her colleagues of her business. Sol, while dressed in a warm coat, was undoubtedly freezing from the breeze. If only she could go back to law school, where she wore jeans and sweatshirts all day. Instead, she had a light blue long sleeved blouse, a knee length pencil skirt and a midnight blue blazer, and her only coat she had weakly shielding her from the cold.

“Sol A, what gives me the feeling that you aren’t calling for the purpose of catching up, but for a favour?” Seungjae asks as soon as his ice coffee arrives. Sol is amused at his habit, that he still calls her Sol A to differentiate her from Sol B, her colleague just working next door to her. But in response, she gives a small frown.

“Oppa, please? You have to help me with this. This case is driving me nuts!” She says in frustration as she stirs her ice tea. “Look, he’s off the grid, like properly off. I can’t even track his number or his email accounts. When the police placed plainclothes on him, he was like a ninja and they lost him within the first hour.”

Seungjae’s frown deepens. He knows of people who are good on the internet, but for an ex-convict to be running this alone? Furthermore, a convict who had no criminal record of scamming, conning and IT based crimes? There was definitely more to this.

“Sol A, do you think that he’s working alone?” Seungjae asks, stopping Sol in her speech. She tilts her head, the way she does normally when she puts the puzzle pieces in order. From her bag, she takes out a notebook and scribbles down the facts, then pushes it to the centre of the table.

“Okay, so we know that Lee Manho was convicted of rape and sexual harassment long time ago. Now, he’s running scams, and has no known background of coding or conning people, yet somehow the money appears in his bank account and it disappears the next moment.” Sol states as she circles her notes with a pencil and Seungjae nods.

“I think… I think you’re right, oppa. He’s definitely not working alone. And he could just be the middleman bringing the cash from one place to another.” Sol breaths out, realising how big the case has gotten. She’s not just going after Lee Manho, but she’s going after an entire team.

“You said that you can’t track his whereabouts, people he communicates with and where the money is going to?” SeungJae asks. Sol nods.

“Looks like someone is covering up the transfers and his tracks.” Seungjae concludes. Seungjae furrows his eyebrows. Sol recognises his thinking face and tries to plea once more.

“Please, oppa? You helped me check out and verify Yeseul’s boyfriend, which saved her life! Please, oppa…” Sol pleads with him. Seungjae knew how much Sol was going to dedicate to this, and besides, he was legally going to hack. He was fighting for those who couldn’t fight. What difference would it make? It felt wrong to ignore such a desperate plea.

“Fine. But you have to let me use a laptop that isn’t mine. I can’t have my superiors know I’m hacking into a case that wasn’t submitted to me again. God, Yeseul’s ex-boyfriend case got me a bloody earful from the captain.” He finally agrees, getting up from his seat and grabbing his coat. Sol lets out a relieved sigh and picks her coat too.

“Thank you, thank you!”

“Save it for later, when I’m done hacking. Let’s head back to your office for now.” He says and walks to the door. At that moment, Sol’s phone rings, and she picks up, knowing who will call at this time of the day. If it’s lunch, it has to either be Yeseul or Joon Hwi.

“Are you joining us for lunch, sunbae?” Sol takes a moment to close her eyes in frustration. This man is going to drive her insane.

“Yeah. Are you all ordering?”

“That’s right. Extra pickles?”

“Always. Add one more jjampong and kkampungi, too.” The receiving end goes silent.

“Who’s joining?” Sol gives a knowing smile as she unlocks her car.

“An old friend of ours.”

-----

“Wah, it’s been a long time since Seungjae-hyung could eat with us!” BokGi says, as he passes out the chopsticks and Yebeom unpacks the meals. Seungjae only gives a small smile while helping out with the food.

Despite the cold weather, the odd group of friends found pleasure in eating outdoors as opposed to their office pantry. It was too noisy some days, too quiet on some, and knowing how chaotic the group can get during lunch, it only made sense to have their meals downstairs at some benches. Besides, they could use a break from being stuck in their offices all day and look at trees changing their colours to shades of red, oranges and brown.

“Thank your noona here, for convincing me to come.” He says as he nods his head over to Sol, who is busy unpacking her pickles and noodles. Joon Hwi gives a smile as he stares at the delight on her face when she sees those yellow pickles on a plastic saucer.

“Hyung, what are you here for?” Joon Hwi asks, as he unpacks his noodles.

“This lady here has enlisted my help once again for a case she is working on. But it has to be off the books. Thus, my presence here instead of my cubicle back at my headquarters.” Sol chokes and she quickly takes a sip of her tea.

“Oppa, why do you make me sound so law breaking…” Sol grumbles. Yeseul, sitting next to her only gives a small smile and squeezes her hand.

“Seungjae-oppa did help me bring Yeongchang to jail. So I would consider his work, whether under his boss orders or not, to be lawful.” Yeseul quips quietly. The table grows silent for a moment, knowing how this topic took a mental toll out of them, but Yeseul was hit the hardest.

When Yeseul first started dating Yeongchang, everyone didn’t mind it. Only when Sol witnessed how Yeseul would be frightened to pick up his call and spotting bruises on her arms did she get Seungjae to dig into his personal life. Lo and behold, not only was he abusive, he was seeing two other women and they were treated badly, if not, worse.

Yeseul’s heart broke, this being her first love and the man she envisioned marrying. But with her friends' support, she took it upon herself to press charges on him, for the women he tortured and for herself. Representing herself and the women that he had failed to protect and taken advantage of, it wasn’t easy for her, having been so blind in love and still harbouring feelings.

The group stood by and silently supported. They accompanied her trials, no matter how busy they were. Sol remembers Jiho running from one courtroom to another on one occasion when he had to immediately attend a court hearing for a client he was defending. Sol had Yeseul stay over at her apartment during the entire situation, while Yeseul searched for an apartment nearby after moving out of his house. Even Sol B, who was usually cold, bought her meals and stayed to eat when the girls spent late nights in silence and drinking.

Finally, the judge ruled that Yeongchang was to be charged in jail. For the sexual, mental and physical abuse of these women, including Yeseul. It has been months since then and time can only tell how much she has healed. The rest can only give their silent support and be there for her.

“I didn’t mean to make the mood bad. Come, let’s eat. Also, what is the case about, unnie?” Yeseul quickly breaks into a smile, an attempt to let everyone know she’s okay. Sol gives a brief description of her case to everyone while she slurps her noodles and pickles.

“This is going to be difficult. If you guys are right, you might be dealing with something bigger than just Lee Manho.” Sol B states and Sol gives a nodded reply.

“Please don’t tell Superior Kim or Superior Yang about this. I really need to break this case and Seungjae-oppa is my only way to.” Sol informs her group. They give half hearted murmurs, not wanting to be meddled into Sol’s affairs. Well, all but one.

“Yah, why didn’t you come find me? I have my own contacts in the police as well.” Joon Hwi asks, a slight frown on his face. From anyone else looking, it would have been easy to miss. But for Sol, she knew that he was upset, interpreting his complaints as “Why didn’t you come and tell me about this first?”

“Because, Mr. Second Round Judicial Exam Pass, you have been too busy! Do I really need to remind you to eat every damm moment? You drive me crazy some days!” Sol argues. They launch into a light hearted argument, as the rest of the lunch group watches with equal fervour as they eat their meals.

“Guys, stop arguing, my ears hurt.” Jiho said, his tone in slight annoyance as he dove straight into the kkampungi and tangsuyuk. Sol finally gave up fighting, earning a teasing smirk from Joon Hwi. They continued their noisy meal, chatting and catching up with Seungjae. Seungjae gives them some updates of his pregnant wife and some interesting cases.

After their meal, they separated their trash neatly. The sun now hides away in the clouds, leaving little warmth against the chilly breeze of autumn. Sol brushes her coat and rubs her hands and arms. If only she could afford a better one than this old coat she’s been using since her first year in university.

Joon Hwi notices her trying to warm up against the cold and takes his coat from the chair, layering it on her. He honestly didn’t feel cold, but he knows he has always been the stronger one to resist against the cold. For Sol, it must be freezing.

“Take mine.” He simply says, taking the packs of plastic from Sol. If Sol had a hint of blush, he pretended to not notice.

“Oh, thanks.” She said as she took wipes from her bag and wiped down the mess on the benches and tables. “But I don’t need it. We’re heading back to the office anyway.” She shrugs his coat off and drapes it over her arm, returning it to him. He pushes it to her, and leans in closer to her.

“Help me carry it, so I don’t have to, sunbae.” He teases with a smirk, sending Sol in a fit of frustrated squeaks, chasing him as best as she can in her heels. Sol knows Joon Hwi gets a thing out of his teasing, and sends him annoyed glares as she continues to clear the tables. Jiho manages to sigh and Sol B rolls her eyes as she dumps the trash in the bins.

The group grabs their bags as they head back into the office, where Sol checks Seungjae in as a visitor at the reception. The receptionist hands him a blue lanyard with a visitor pass as Sol leads him to the elevators. Jiho and Bokgi are off to meet clients, and Sol B is headed to court for a hearing. Yeseul stops at another floor to her office with Yebeom, who needs to pick up some reports from a colleague.

Joon Hwi follows Sol to her office with Seungjae, despite his office being upstairs. Sol grabs her personal laptop from her bag, which is separate from her desktop computer and passes it to Seungjae, who takes a seat opposite her and starts programming the computer to begin hacking.

“What, did you just let him use your personal laptop?” Joon Hwi asks in concern as he takes a seat on a spare chair.

“Let him do it. Don’t you have your reports to do?” Sol asks as she turns to her own reports before typing in her findings for the new Lee Manho case. Joon Hwi doesn’t reply, and Sol sends an annoyed glance. He’s not going to leave unless he knows all the information of this case.

“Okay, I got it.” Seungjae says after a series of clicks and turns the screen to show Sol what he has found. Sol leans into a chart of bank transfers.

"From what I can tell, it seems like the money enters his bank account and is transferred to an offshore account. I can't trace where the money goes from there anymore." Seungjae explains as he uses the cursor to show them. "I can't tell who owns the account either. If I could take a guess, it's probably the mastermind of this."

"Wait, look. Lee Manho is getting paid a constant amount every single time before a large sum comes in and leaves." Joon Hwi points. Sol grabs her printed papers as she matches the amounts that her clients have given here. They match exactly to the large sums, but have no relation to the constant amount that he gets every scam.

"He's getting paid to scam? Tch, God, I hate this crook." Sol says through gritted teeth. Joon Hwi sighs and observes the anger rising in Sol. He places a hand on top of her clenched fist for comfort and her fist stops clenching as she sighs in response.

"Sol A, I can't track his location with your laptop. It's not exactly ideal, since it can be tracked back." Seungjae says, eyes darting while continuously typing. Joon Hwi could sense the disappointment in Sol's face, but it can't be helped. It was too dangerous from her location and IP address.

"Oppa, thank you for helping. I owe you one." Sol says as Seungjae scrubs her laptop clean from hacking traces. Seungjae returns her laptop and stands up. "You should go back, oppa. You've been gone too long."

"I'll keep you updated." He says as Sol guides him out of the office. Once she shuts the door, she pulls the hairpin from her hair and crunches her hair in frustration. She has the information on where the money is going, but it's no use when she can't find out where he is. Joon Hwi takes a seat opposite her.

"Don't stress." He says softly, and Sol bites her lip in frustration.

"Don't stress? How can I not? The police aren't giving me any information on him, delaying his location tracking! I can't even find him! How am I supposed to get evidence to charge him, if he can't even appear to show up to court?" Sol angrily spills, her hands flailing. Joon Hwi sighs but grabs a hold of her wrist.

"Don't get swayed by your emotions." Joon Hwi firmly says, sparingly into Sol's anger-filled eyes. She pulls her wrist back, taking a deep breath before gathering her hair up again.

"Fine." She grumbles. "Get out of my office, Prosecutor Han. Don't you have work?" This earns a soft smile from Joon Hwi. As he heads to the door, he turns back before he leaves.

"Don't... Don't do anything stupid or impulsive, you hear me?"

Sol clicks her tongue and gives a half-hearted nod. She turns back to her report and updates her findings and tries to diffuse the thought of asking Seungjae to hack with her laptop to find Man Ho's location.

For Kang Sol A, such thoughts don't leave easily.

-----

"You sure?" Seungjae asks, seated in Sol's car. Sol takes a deep breath in and nods.

It was a few days after Seungjae visited the office. Sol called the police as much as she could, but they always left her on the line or just said "we're working on it." Thus, Sol told Seungjae to meet her at a park, before driving to a random alley and passing him her laptop.

"Yeah, I'll take my chances." She replied. Seungjae sighs and begins typing away.

"You know you're putting yourself at risk?" He asks, eyes never leaving the screen.

"I'll put myself at risk for the justice of my clients." She says firmly. A few minutes pass as Sol stares out of the car and watches the bright moon and the clouds floating by in misty swirls.

"Got it." Sol turns her attention to Seungjae. On the screen is a map and a blinking red dot of Manho’s location. Sol reads the map and puts her car back in drive before turning out of the alley.

"Woah, do you know where you are going?" Seungjae asks, grabbing onto the overhead handle for support and his hand securing the laptop.

"Seungjae-oppa, don't tell anyone about this, okay? Especially not Joon Hwi." Sol ignores his question as she speeds up the car, turning into a drop-off point of a train station.

"Sol A, you're-"

"Sorry, oppa. But I need to find him. I can't sit and wait for the police anymore. I promise you, I'll be safe." Sol says. Seungjae couldn't say no. He knows how stubborn Sol is, how when she decides on something, she will commit to it wholeheartedly.

"If he's armed, you could get yourself in danger." Seungjae exasperatedly sighs. It was too big a risk to see the junior he treats as a little sister put herself at risk.

"I'll be fine. Look, you're on my speed dial. You know that I can handle myself. There's a reason why I took years of self-defence classes." Sol tells him. Seungjae nods his head unwillingly.

"You better call me after you're done." He says as he opens the door and gets out of the car. "Please, please stay safe." Sol nods and gives a small smile.

"Thank you, oppa." Sol drives away immediately, leaving Seungjae to pinch his nose bridge in frustration and concern. Silently, as he boards the train, he prays for Sol's safety.

-----

Sol knows the area well. As she parks her car at a carpark, she checks to make sure Manho is still at the bar. The blinking dot stays stagnant at the bar, not moving ever since she dropped Seungjae off. Getting out, she tightens her coat around her and thanks herself for the long trousers she's wearing. At least she isn't wearing a skirt, if she needs to beat someone up.

Entering the bar, she naturally takes a slow walk around. But hidden by the corner of the bar tables sit a lone man, with a cap, dressed in black button up and holding a glass of golden whiskey. She knew that was her target.

Taking a seat next to him, she orders a glass of soda water from the bartender. Man Ho chuckles next to her as he sets his glass down. Turning his head, he faces Sol with sly eyes, lips curled at the corner.

"Prosecutor Kang, you're quick." She hears him say and a chill goes down her spine. She lets her eyes meet the cold stare of Manho.

"Oh, you think I don't know you? You're the one after me more than the police are for the past weeks." Man Ho sinisterly says, a sick grin on his face. Sol grits her teeth and takes a deep breath to soothe her anger.

"Why are you doing this? You think it's fun?Watching my clients suffer?" Sol says through her gritted teeth. He only scoffs.

"My, my. Don't want you getting agitated now, don't we? We just started." He says, sipping from his glass again.

"Answer my question." She says with force. Man Ho sips on his glass, swirling the golden brown liquid against the large square cubes of ice as he exhales.

As the words fall from his mouth, Sol grows as cold as the glass in her hand. Her hands slightly shake as she hitches her breath. When her shaky eyes turn to Manho’s, his eyes are sly with a mocking grin. No, he can’t know.

"You’re just as feisty as your sister, aren’t you?”

[catie-does-things]

Patterns in Given Names in the World of Avatar

Or, Naming Your Avatar OC’s: Beyond Baby Name Lists

Naming an original character in any fantasy setting can be a tricky business. Do you use a real name? Do you make one up? Either way, it has to sound like it fits into the established world - but you don’t want it to sound too similar to the names of canon characters, either. In this post, I will offer an analysis of canon names of major and minor characters in Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra, looking for discernible patterns in the names of each of the fictional cultures of that world, and offer some suggestions based on my own experience for how to choose or create names for original characters in that world.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with using a “baby name list” for inspiration or even taking a real name from one of the cultures the show is based on and using it. But since the fictional cultures of the show are not complete carbon copies of real cultures, just picking a name from a list of Inuit or Japanese names won’t always give you one that actually fits in with the Avatar world. And maybe you’ve seen enough Water Tribe OC’s named Nanook (I’m guilty of this one myself) and want to get a little more creative. In that case, welcome to the advanced OC naming class.

And yes, there will be color coded spreadsheets.

Methods and Goals

To get a feel for what sort of names will sound like they fit into the world of Avatar, we of course have to look at the names of canon characters. For our purposes, I chose to exclude characters who only appear in spin-off material such as the comics or Kyoshi novels, and only look at the given names of characters from the two shows, Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra. I have sorted the characters by nation, as well as into cultural subdivisions where applicable. LoK characters from the United Republic of Nations have their own category, since in most cases we do not technically know the specific cultural origin of those characters’ names - though based on the patterns below and other context clues, we can make a reasonable guess for many of them. Characters whose names appear to be nicknames or pseudonyms (such as Longshot and Lightning Bolt Zolt) have also been left out. 

The aim of this analysis is to look for phonetic and other patterns in the names of each cultural group within the world of Avatar. We will be looking at the names as spelled using the Latin alphabet, since this is how most fan fiction is written, and how the character names are given in official material, but keep in mind that within the world of the show, all nations use the Han Chinese writing system, so names or syllables spelled differently in the Latin alphabet might be represented by the same character in-universe, or vice versa.

Finally, my guidelines and suggestions for how to choose or create OC names are just that: guidelines and suggestions. These are not rules. It’s your OC, you do what you want.

Without further ado, let’s start looking at some names.

The Water Tribes.

We don’t have quite the sample size for Water Tribe characters that we’ll see for some of the other nations, but 28 names is still plenty to look at. Notably, we have far more male (18) than female (10) names, a pattern we will see repeated without exception. Draw your own conclusions.

Water Tribe names appear to mostly be two or three syllables long, with most of the one syllable names being from the Foggy Swamp Tribe. Hahn from the Northern Water Tribe is the only other one syllable name. Two syllable names are the most common with 19 names, which is about two-thirds of the total. Three syllable names account for 5 out of the total 28, or less than one fifth - still, this makes them more common than names of the same length in any other nation, and more common than one syllable names in the Water Tribes, especially if you exclude the Foggy Swamp. If you’re looking to use an authentic Inuit or other Arctic indigenous name for your Water Tribe OC, I would be wary of names longer than three syllables, though, as we have none of these in canon.

Consistent with Inuit names, we do have a lot of /k/ and /g/ sounds. The letters K and Q are pronounced the same in Water Tribe names, though in Inuit they represent different sounds. 18 out of the 28 names have at least one of these sounds, with /k/ being far more common than /g/ (17 vs. 2 names). Of course, having the letter K in your Water Tribe OC’s name is by no means necessary, and especially if you are creating a lot of Water Tribe characters, you probably want some variation.

The digraphic consonant sounds /ch/, /sh/, and /th/ are almost totally absent, with the exception of one name from the Foggy Swamp, Tho. The /r/ sound is also never found at the beginning of a name, and the /j/, /l/, /w/, and /f/ sounds are totally absent. The /v/ sound is absent from all given names, but notably appears in the surname Varrick not included above.

Regarding gender differences, both male and female names can end in -a, but this is much more common for female names, with 3 male names compared to 8 female names having this ending. Notably, this accounts for all but two of the female names, and all of the female names end in a vowel. Consonant endings appear to be exclusively masculine, with final /k/ sounds being common, whether spelled with K or Q (8 out of 18 male names), though masculine names can also end in vowel sounds.

There do not appear to be major differences between the Northern and Southern Water Tribe names, however the three names we have from the Foggy Swamp Tribe are definitely distinct - all one syllable, and all open syllables ending in vowels. These sound more like Earth Kingdom names, as we’ll see, which makes sense given the location of the Foggy Swamp.

To my knowledge, only handful of the Water Tribe names are authentic Inuit names, and they are all characters from LoK: Desna, Yakone, Noatak, Unalaq, and Tonraq, or 5 out of the 28 total names. Yue is an authentic name, but a Chinese one. The main Water Tribe characters such as Katara, Sokka, and Korra all have invented names. So yes, you can pick from an Inuit baby names list (and Nanook does fit the patterns we see above), but you are by no means limited to this.

The Earth Kingdom

Since the Earth Kingdom is the largest of the nations, it makes sense that we have the most names to look at here, with 79 names total, including 56 male names and 23 female names. I’ve included Jet with a question mark, because he may be using a pseudonym like the rest of the Freedom Fighters do, but his name is also plausible as the one his parents gave him. Macmu-Ling, the name of the haiku master in Ba Sing Se, may also be a surname, but this is unclear given the limited information on the character.

One syllable names are much more common in the Earth Kingdom, accounting for 30 out of 56 male names and 10 out of 23 female names. This is roughly half of all Earth Kingdom names, or 40 out of 79. Two syllable names account for 34 out of the 79, or about 43%, with three syllable names being rare overall, just 5 names or 6%. Overall, Earth Kingdom names tend to be shorter, which is consistent with a basis in Chinese, Korean, or Vietnamese names.

Unlike with Water Tribe names, there do not appear to be specific sounds that stand out as distinctively Earth Kingdom. Notably, nearly all names begin with consonants, with only 6 names beginning with a vowel, and always A or O. All of the consonant sounds found in English are represented in at least one name. The /ch/, /sh/, and /th/ digraphic sounds are all present, though not abundantly common. The Earth Kingdom being large and diverse, this greater diversity in names also makes sense.

There is evidence of unisex names in the Earth Kingdom. Wu is used by both a male and female character (Prince Wu and Aunt Wu), and the name Song which is listed as female above we will see again as the name of a male earthbender in Republic City. Other names could also be unisex, but as most are only used by one character, we have no way to know. The only noticeable gendered pattern seems to be that several female characters have English names, which I separated into the fifth column above. This seems to be exclusive or near-exclusive to Earth Kingdom women. Jet could also be interpreted as an English name, but as previously mentioned, this is possibly a pseudonym anyway.

The few named characters we have from Kyoshi Island all have authentic Japanese names, or at least names taken from the Japanese language - oyaji is an affectionate term meaning “old man” or “father”. Kyoshi is distinct from the rest of the Earth Kingdom in many other ways, including a history of isolationism which Japan also has. As for the sandbenders, we only have two names, but Ghashiun stands out as rather distinct in its spelling. Visually, the sandbenders resemble the Tuareg people of the Sahara region, so that might be the direction you want to go if you’re looking for authentic names to use for your sandbender OC’s.

The curious name Macmu-Ling is based on the surname of the writer for the episode she appeared in, Lauren MacMullan.

Fire Nation

We have 13 female names and 33 male names, for a total of 46 known Fire Nation names. 

Two syllable names are most common, with 20 male and 6 female names, accounting for 26 out of the total 46, which is more than half. 15 names have one syllable, which is about one third of the total. Only 5 names have three syllables, or just one tenth, and once again there are no names longer than that. 

The letter Z stands out as appearing in 8 names, while it’s much more rare in the other nations - though notably the Z in Zhao is pronounced differently than in the other names. Also worth noting is that all the names with Z other than Zhao - that is, all the names where Z is pronounced as it would be in English - are names of members of the royal family, with the exception of Kuzon. The digraphic sounds /ch/ and /sh/ are both present, but /th/ is not. Other absent sounds include /v/ and /w/.

The Fire Nation gives us our only example of gendered variants on the same name with Azulon and Azula. This implies that the -a ending is generally feminine, though we only have two female names that use it. Ilah ends with the same sound, albeit spelled with a silent H. There is also one masculine name, Yon Rha, that ends in -a, though with a different pronunciation (/ah/ vs. /uh/). The -on ending may also be masculine or generally masculine, but again, only two names use it. Female names are also more likely to end in the /ee/ sound, whether spelled -i or -ee, with 6 of the 13 female names ending this way. Only two male names end with this sound, and one of them, Li, is unisex. 

In terms of basis in real world cultures, the Fire Nation often gets heavily identified with Japan in fanon, because they are an island nation with a history of imperialism, but what we see in canon is much more of a blend of Asian cultures, like the other nations. Some names, like Izumi and Roku are Japanese in origin, but some are also Chinese or Chinese-based such as Chan and Lu Ten. And as with the Water Tribes, the main characters like Zuko, Azula, Iroh, and Ozai, tend to have invented names. (Zuko especially would be odd as a Japanese name, since the -ko suffix in Japanese is feminine.) The name Ursa, curiously, is Latin - the feminine form of the word for “bear”. So while you certainly can use Japanese names for your Fire Nation OC’s, as with Inuit names in the Water Tribe, you’re not limited to that by any means. In fact, based on what we see in canon, I would say that if you’re creating several Fire Nation OC’s, you should have about an even mix of Japanese, Chinese, and invented names.

Air Nomads

With only 13 names, of which 9 are male and 4 are female, this is the smallest sample we have for any of the nations - understandably, since the Air Nomads are all but extinct for most of both shows. We’re even technically assuming that all of Tenzin’s children have Air Nomad names, but this is probably a safe assumption.

Two syllable names are still most common, with 9 of the 13, or about three fourths of the total. There are three names with three syllables, or a little less than one fourth. Aang has the only one syllable name.

With so few names, it’s hard to draw firm conclusions about phonetic patterns. The -a ending is seen on one name for each gender, as is the -i ending, and the -o ending appears on two male names and one female name. The -u ending only appears on one male name, but given the small sample size this doesn’t necessarily indicate a female Air Nomad name couldn’t have the same ending.

We do have clear and distinct real world basis for several Air Nomad names. Tenzin and Gyatso are both taken from the religious name of the current Dalai Lama. Rohan is an Indian name, and Laghima is a Hindu term for the spiritual power of becoming weightless. (Coincidentally, Rohan is also a French surname, but it was presumably the Indian name that the show meant to reference.) Pasang is a Nepali name, though a female one as far as I can tell, whereas it is used for a male Air Nomad. Tibetan, Nepalese, and Sanskrit names would thus all be good places to look for inspiration for your Air Nomad OC’s - though again, don’t feel limited to that. Chinese inspired names would also fit in, and Aang, like all the main characters, has an invented name.

United Republic of Nations

This group of character names, all from The Legend of Korra obviously, has to be considered differently. While we can make educated guesses as to the fictional ethnicity of most of these names, the fact is that many of these characters may be of mixed heritage and we can’t say for sure what the origins of their names are. In the chart below, I have color coded the names according to my best guess for nation of origin, rather than by gender. Names left in white, in my opinion, could be either Earth Kingdom or Fire Nation, and nothing about those characters gives us further clues.

With 31 names, we do have a decent sample size. Presumably Mako is a Fire Nation name and Bolin is Earth Kingdom, and based on the sound they do seem to fit in with those nations respectively. Raiko has a question mark because it is unclear if this is a given name or surname, but it does seem to follow the Zuko and Mako pattern and thus be most likely Fire Nation in origin. We also have the name Yasuko, for a character who is supposed to be of Fire Nation descent, using the -ko suffix on a feminine name.

Ginger and Buttercup I have designated as most likely Earth Kingdom because they are English names, and as we previously saw, only Earth Kingdom women seem to have names of this variety. Pema is presumably of at least partial Earth Kingdom descent based on her green eyes - this is also a real Bhutanese name. Characters like Lu, Gang, Daw, and Chung are all shown wearing green, and have one syllable names of the kind which are most common in the Earth Kingdom.

Hasook has a very distinctively Water Tribe name, and is of course a waterbender. Tahno and Ming-Hua are both waterbenders as well, though their names are less distinctively Water Tribe. These could simply be less typical names from one of the two polar tribes, or they may have Foggy Swamp Tribe heritage. (I believe this was a popular headcanon for Tahno, at least.) The possibility also exists that they have mixed heritage and may have Earth Kingdom or even Fire Nation names in spite of being waterbenders.

Conclusion

Like everything else in the world of Avatar, the names of the characters are inspired by and based on many real world cultures, primarily Asian, but no one fictional nation in the Avatar world corresponds exactly to a real world culture. When we look for or create names for original characters in this world, we want to respect the real world basis of these fictional cultures, but simply picking a Chinese, Japanese, or Inuit name from a list may not always jive with what we see in canon, in addition to running the risk of being a bit stereotypical.

With the canon patterns outlined above, fan fiction writers and fan artists should feel free to expand their search for names to other Asian, Arctic, or North African cultures, such as Thai, Burmese, Nepalese, Yupik, Aleut, or Berber names. Baby name lists can be helpful, but are often dubiously reliable, especially for non-Western cultures. Personally, when I want to give an OC an authentic name, I prefer to use Wikipedia to find real people from the culture or cultures I’m drawing on. I’ve joked about my own tendency to pick names of Japanese, Chinese, and Korean saints for my fan fiction, but searching for Wikipedia lists or categories of artists, philosophers, or scientists from a given culture can also be useful.

Wherever one chooses to look, name lists are best treated as a starting place - a name from a given real culture won’t necessarily fit into a given Avatar culture, and a name from a certain Avatar culture does not have to come from any particular real world culture. Fans should also feel free to invent names of their own, as the creators of Avatar did. Of the 20 major OC’s in my story Fate Deferred, half of them have real names or variations on real names, and the other half are invented.

And if you want to have a female Earth Kingdom OC named something like Jasmine or Crystal - these are also perfectly in line with canon.

[bywordofaphrodite]

Book Reviews 3&4: Nancy Drew and the Lilac Inn by Carolyn Keene & Trixie Belden and the Secret of the Mansion by Julie Campbell Tatham

This review’s theme is girl detective books ! Audience age range: roughly 12 and up !

Just as Enid Blyton’s books made me fall in love with magical creatures and faraway lands, detective novels became an obsession during late primary school, with classic lead female characters Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden being my absolute favourites. My school had an extremely small and limited library, and the Nancy Drew books were one of the only decent series there- even with a great chunk of the collection missing. My mother introduced me to Trixie Belden, which she insisted was better than Nancy Drew, though I refused to listen to such a declaration at the time.

Now, though? My opinions have definitely changed.

Nostalgic review

Rating: ★★★★★

From memory, Nancy Drew is a clever, beautiful and well-off girl in her late teens, living with her lawyer father Carson Drew and her housekeeper Hannah Gruen, who has looked after Nancy since her mother’s passing when she was only three. I always enjoyed the dynamic between Nancy and her father, as it was similar to mine with my father, also a lawyer- Carson doesn’t step in unless Nancy needs his help, but he does assist in legal advice when necessary. I also loved Nancy’s friendship with the cousins Bess and George, and liked that her relationship with her ‘special friend’ Ned never got in the way of solving mysteries or hanging out with her friends (‘hanging out’ was practically code for sleuthing in these novels anyway). Overall, my memories of this series amount mostly to exciting searches for missing heiresses, finding beautiful jewels and battling crocodiles in Florida.

On the opposite side of the spectrum is Trixie Belden- rough-around-the-edges thirteen year-old from a poor family living with both her parents and three brothers. Where Nancy has a housekeeper, lives in an affluent suburban neighbourhood and never wants for money, Trixie lives on the outskirts of a small town, both her parents work, and she is constantly reminded of how important it is to work for money as they do not have much of it to spare on mindless things. Nancy is a fairly solitary character, often working alone unless her friends show up, and even then she does most of the legwork; Trixie is also the main sleuth in her series, but her best friend Honey is almost always at her side. While the mysteries were great, the warm friendships in Trixie Belden novels are what I remember best.

Regardless of whatever my thoughts may be after rereading books from these two series, I’ve never ceased referencing either of them and my love of the mystery genre still holds fast even now.

Nancy Drew and the Lilac Inn Review

Post-read: ★★

Synopsis: girl detective Nancy Drew is called to solve a series of odd goings on at her newly engaged friend Emily’s inn, in what seems to be an attempt to prevent Emily and her fiancé from opening. Disaster strikes when her aunt retrieves Emily’s inheritance of diamonds- Emily’s last hope to cover the costs of fixing up the inn- and they are swiftly stolen within the hour. Nancy vows to catch the thief and the intruder and save Emily’s inn from failure.

I struggled in choosing which Nancy Drew book to reread for this review, and after reading through multiple rankings lists I decided on the Lilac Inn because it ranked highly on every list. I now wish I had just gone with Crocodile Island anyway… at least there was something snappy about it. In between the bomb, the theft, the doppelganger, the underwater fake-shark, the kidnapping, the spear-gun attack- I think I’ve made my point. There’s far too much going on, and if it was well-written I would be okay with it, really I would, but it’s all so blandly articulated that half the time I had to reread just to make sure I’d read correctly what nonsense was occurring at any given time.

Straight out the gate, I just want to say how shocking the writing was- that’s shockingly bad, by the way. If I thought Enid Blyton’s work was stunted, well, this was far, far worse. Especially since it lacks the excuse of being written for young children. It was incredibly difficult to push through in the slower parts, and I must admit I basically skim-read the lead up parts to the action sequences (which were incredibly minimal compared to the gnashing crocodile teeth I longed for, but alas). Sadly for me, Bess (my old fave), George and Ned were not present at all, and I cannot remember if they had actually been introduced that early in the series because they are not mentioned once.

I did really like the concept of the story, and the element of Nancy having a creepy doppelganger posing as Nancy to cause mischief (she has several over the series) was fun, even more so that said doppelganger was an actual actress and quite ruthless in her attempts to steal Emily’s diamonds- I love a morally-corrupt pretty female villain as much as the next person, after all. There is a romance teased between Nancy and a young man staying at the inn, a young man who continuously seems to be in the same room as the diamond thief messing with Emily’s inn, but ultimately both never amount to anything. This hardly surprised me given the book is written in the thirties, and Ned and Nancy never do anything but attend dances together the entire series, but still, come on. He could’ve at least stolen the diamonds to add some spice to his useless appearances.

It’s possible that were a very talented scriptwriter to take this book and make it into a movie it could work out a lot better than it does on paper- provided the casting was done well. The sets would be interesting, and I think the creepiness of the ‘ghost’ in the orchard and the diving scenes would translate a lot better on camera. Normally I’m not one to nominate live actions of novels for no reason, but this thought kept recurring as I struggled to get through the writing.

Characters who aged well: Nancy is smart and weirdly good at everything (they don’t explain why she knows how to do all the things she does, but diving and freeing herself from bonds seems to be easy enough for her. Given male characters are always allowed to be perfect without training, I’ll allow it). For a female character written in the 30s she has plenty of agency and does not once rely on a man’s help to do anything, which is why I always enjoyed her books. Carson Drew also aged well- not present that often, but useful without being interfering, and his trust in his daughter is refreshing. As for the other main characters in the series… they didn’t even show up in this book so I can’t really comment on this.

Characters who aged badly: plot twist- I’m adding Nancy here too. She is a little too perfect, too polished, a common criticism by modern readers, though at the time of publication was her main selling point. Additionally, earlier editions of the series featured racist comments made by Nancy, although those have since been taken out. However, the publisher and creator of the first books was not a very pleasant person, so I find myself able to separate that from Nancy’s character.

Favourite scene/quote: ‘The article went on to tell that Nancy had just completed a course in advanced skin diving in the Muskoka River, and that she had finished first in total points in the twenty student group’.

I find this quote amusing because there is really no need for Nancy to be good at every single thing, and this is a good example of the many times throughout the series that Nancy is the ‘best’ at a very random activity that is often never mentioned again.

As for my favourite scene, though nothing interesting actually ends up happening in the orchard, I did like the eerie setting of Nancy dressing up as a ghost and chilling behind a tree for a while (okay it was partially eerie, mostly just oddly comedic). The actress/impostor posing as Nancy provided a few good scenes, too, but for the main villain of the story she was hardly in as many scenes as she should’ve been in.

After doing some research, I discovered something most interesting: Nancy was written with significantly more character by the original ghost-writer of the series, a woman named Mildred Wirt Benson, who wrote Nancy ‘embodying qualities that she wished she had’- but the publisher Edward Stratemeyer did not want a bold female character, and she was rewritten with similar dialogue but now accompanied with ‘dainty’ verbs to sweeten her words. Stratemeyer was also known for his beliefs that women belonged in the kitchen, and the only reason he created Nancy in the first place was to capitalise on young female readers who wanted their own equivalent of the Hardy Boys.

With all of this in mind, it’s very possible that the Nancy from my memories is a mix of the older and new editions, which allowed Nancy more personality as the series went on, no longer needing to confirm to the sexist expectations of the 1930s. And despite these origins, Nancy Drew aged quite well as an unintended feminist icon: she solves her mysteries alone and rarely needs Ned’s help at all; in fact, most of the time, Nancy is the one doing the saving. It’s nice to think that, almost one hundred years later, Mildred Wirt Benson’s version of Nancy is the one being kept alive, both on paper and onscreen.

Trixie Belden and the Secret of the Mansion Review

Post-read: ★★★★★

Synopsis: energetic teen Trixie Belden’s boring town of Sleepyside is turned upside down when a rich new family moves onto the property opposite her own, an old miser winds up in hospital and his empty mansion is suddenly inhabited by a runaway boy, and a missing fortune is waiting to be uncovered.

Whewww.

This was a massive breath of fresh air after the Lilac Inn! After being so unimpressed by both Blyton and Keene’s writing, Tatham’s writing restored my faith in my childhood judgement. Her words flowed well and the conversation between the characters was very natural. The blank slate characters in the Lilac Inn were showed up by the animated and multiple-dimensional characters in the Secret of the Mansion, and I never once felt the need to rush myself through the chapters.

Unlike my method of choosing a Nancy Drew book, I simply decided on reading the first Trixie book for this review. While I almost went for a later book where all the main characters had been introduced, I couldn’t remember how Trixie first met Honey and Jim, which I felt was pretty important to her character. I’m very glad I did. Even in the first book, Trixie endures so much character development (contrasting very strongly with Nancy’s flawless existence). Longing for a friend, Trixie takes herself up the hill to the newly habited mansion to introduce herself and her little brother Bobby, who she is babysitting to earn money to buy herself a horse. There she meets rich girl Honey Wheeler, a sickly and sheltered but sweet girl of the same age, whose parents pay little attention to her. Things fall into place with all the expected luck of a teen heroine- Honey’s governess is a lovely woman who wants Honey to befriend Trixie and offers to look after Bobby, and of course Honey’s stables are now filled with horses and a stable hand who can teach her to ride.

But for every easy thing comes an opportunity for Trixie to grow: she comes to admire Honey’s bravery after previously being irritated by her fear of trying outdoor activities; she ignores the stable hand’s orders not to ride the stallion and falls as a result, leading to her having to work to regain his trust and also being taught the valuable lesson to recognise her own limits; finally, as much as Trixie hates looking after little Bobby, when he is bitten by a snake Trixie is resourceful and quick on her feet in helping him, keeping him well enough until a doctor and other adults arrive.

Rather like the Lilac Inn, the mystery of the story centres on the hidden will to a supposed fortune of the elderly man who lived in the old mansion not far from Honey’s new home. On a whim, Trixie nags Honey into accompanying her to snoop around the building, leading to their discovery of the old man’s nephew Jim hiding there. By the end of the book, the girls have helped Jim to find the will and safely escape his abusive step-father. Later in the series, Jim is adopted by the Wheeler family, and also becomes Trixie’s primary love interest (I love that this relationship is not at all rushed either).

The reading level for the Trixie Belden series is listed as grade 3 and above, but I had no problems being completely involved and intrigued by the storyline and characters as a twenty-three year old. I think I’ll continue to read the series on my own time, as I always enjoyed the full character line-up developed after a few books in.

Characters who aged well: Trixie! If my praise during this review didn’t make clear enough, she’s a wonderful character with great development. Honey and Jim are also solid characters, and Bobby and Trixie’s parents are well-written too- supportive and kind, but realistic concerning raising Trixie to be a responsible kid. Also going to add that Trixie’s group of best friends- self-named the Bob-Whites of the Glen and consisting of her two older brothers Brian and Mart, Honey, Jim and the later additions of Dan and Di- have a strong presence and very distinct personalities when they show up in the later novels.

Characters who aged badly: nobody! All the side characters were well done, including the villain. He wasn’t over-the-top by any means, his abuse of Jim was both emotion and physical in a realistic manner that concerned the adults around him enough to comment on it without actually taking proper action to help him, as it often goes. I appreciated the author’s ability to write a male character the vulnerable one, to recognise what was wrong about the situation, and to gladly accept help from two girls younger than him.

Favourite scene/quote: “‘serves him right,’ Trixie said, wiping her grimy hands on her rolled-up blue jeans. ‘The mean old miser. You should have left him lying in the driveway, Dad.’”

An earlier quote in the book, this sets the tone for Trixie’s character: she’s messy, no-nonsense and cheeky. For a female character written in 1948 I found this quite amusing. There’s none of the internalised misogyny that often popped up in ‘tomboy’ characters of the time: Trixie just is what she is, and she’s great.

A standout scene would be Trixie sucking the venom from her brother’s snakebite to save him, and the chapters focused on the developing friendship with Honey and Jim while the two teach Trixie how to handle horses is also enjoyable.

Overall verdict:

My mother was right, Trixie Belden is far better than Nancy Drew in every category I can think of. I wish that the series had gained the popularity that Nancy Drew did, because it would make for a fun movie or television show. There is an eighteen year gap between the publication of the first novel from both series, and both heroines saw many more books written after that. Nancy Drew is so persistent, however, that multiple movies and even a recent CW show have been made, though it is not very accurate to the books at all. Even now, modern-day setting Nancy Drew mysteries are still being released under the Carolyn Keene pseudonym, showing her unending mythical status.

I still love Nancy, bad writing and all, but in all fairness, Miss Trixie deserves a cut of the nostalgic hype surrounding the girl-detective genre. I’d also like to bask in the poetic justice of Nancy not only remaining a more iconic character than the Hardy Boys, but also becoming more feminist as time goes on. I’m sure the publisher is rolling in his grave!

[what-if-nct]

Hi so shitty Catholic school anon is back! But this time it’s with weird things male teachers have said/done or things said about male teachers. TW: self harm, anorexia, sexism, racism, slavery, pedophilia, gender stereotypes.

So recently we had a lesson on self harm and there was one part where we had to say if a certain thing was true or not. So for example if self harm is attention seeking or if it mainly effects certain groups of people. One of the things was “self harm improves a person’s self confidence” and a male teacher said it did and that it is also attention seeking. He said that many people do it for attention and to make them selves look better. He then went on to talk about anorexia and said that lots of ballerinas have anorexia and “that is why they are so pretty” and also said that girls that don’t have anorexia or aren’t skinny are typically less attractive. Which is kinda really f-ing creepy and a horrible thing to say to anyone, especially a room with about 30 females in or 30 people in with female bodies. It’s creepy and disgusting. But I think he is getting fired because people walked out and were made to write statements about it which is a similar thing to what happened with another teacher that got fired.

So basically, we had a substitute teacher for a lesson in Geography about Mumbai. He started off talking about Mumbai but was saying very stereotypical things. We hadn’t actually properly started the lesson though because he didn’t give us the work or start talking about the parts of Mumbai which we were supposed to be talking about. He then somehow got to racism and the BLM movement. He said that he did not understand why it was black lives matter and not all lives matter. We tried to explain that all lives do matter but we need to focus on black people and what they had experienced. But he went on to say that white racism and white slavery exists too and that “it’s just as bad”. In the front row there was a person who is black and he constantly used them as an example. I was sitting next to them and the teacher would constantly point to them or go up in their face. The person who is black tried to give an example of racism that they face and he said that the same things happen to him too. They said that police officers often came up to them, assuming that they were criminal or a bad person just because they are black. The teacher then said that he had only once before had a police officer come up to him and it was because he had a red jacket and that a criminal who they saw on camera had a similar jacket. The person who is black was stopped by cops multiple times because of just their skin colour. The teacher who is white was stopped by cops once because they had a similar jacket to someone. And then when people said that worse/more things have happened to black people just because they are black than white people he started talking about the battle of Hastings. He tried to compare a fight (that from my knowledge doesn’t have anything to do with racism) that happened in a few hours a thousand years ago to all the horrible things that have happened to black peoples over centuries and still today. People had tried to get him to stop and to teach the actual lesson but he refused. A teacher next door came in and asked us if we were okay and what we were doing. Everyone in the class said that we weren’t okay and that we weren’t doing what we were supposed to but the substitute teacher said that we were discussing transport in Mumbai and that we had been doing that all lesson. And when he left we started actually doing the work but he soon started talking about white slavery and then tried to make it better by saying that the Conservative party is much better than the Labour Party. There was no need for him to say any of that and no need for him to force his opinions into us. Luckily, he was fired.

The next thing I don’t remember well since I never actually was taught by this teacher and it happened in my first year at the school. Basically a teacher had sex with either a year 11 or sixth former. So she would have been 15-18 years old at the time. He was also rumoured to be touching the older girls weirdly. He was soon fired.

A similar thing happens with another teacher who is currently still at the school. His downstairs often gets ‘happy’ whilst teaching and he leans over onto students often. I don’t know if this is predatory behaviour or not but it most definitely makes people uncomfortable. He is a substitute who works at the school and I’ve had him for many lessons. In one of my first lessons with him (when I was 11), he leaned over me and I could feel his stomach on my back and it soooo uncomfortable. Still, I don’t know if it an actual concern. But in my first ever lesson with him, me and my friend was annoying each other and kind of like just poking each other a lot. He could’ve just told us to stop but instead he decided to say that we were holding hands. This freaked me out cause at primary I was bullied/treated differently for the last 2-3 years for being not straight. It also started rumours that I wasn’t straight, which freaked me out more.

Next teacher~ Is still at the school and he is actually good teaching compared to the other teachers I’ve mentioned. But he’s said some weird things. Mostly some random stereotypical comments such as “women are typically more sensitive” and that “women take longer to get ready” and that “women are concerned too much about their appearance and wear too much makeup”. But in every lesson I had him, he always looked at people’s skirts. At my school there is a heavy focus on wearing skirts and that they must be below the knee and it gets mentioned at least once a day and always at assembly. Despite this many people would still roll up their skirt. Immediately when you walked into the classroom, he would look at your skirt and tell you to roll it down. When you walked past him in the corridors, he would do it too. And sometimes he complained saying that whenever he walked upstairs he was not able to look up because he would see a “girls knickers or butt or thighs” and so he had to look at the floor or walls instead. Why is he looking in that area anyway?! He shouldn’t be looking in that area at all even if their skirts are rolled down. I was never in this lesson but apparently he also started talking about how he thought abortion was bad.

Next thing is just how much the school puts an emphasis on skirts below the knee. And they say that it’s because “male teachers would feel uncomfortable”. It’s not us who should change it’s the male teachers then. Whilst doing online lessons a teacher (who is female) said that we shouldn’t have any underwear or certain clothes in the background because it would make “male teachers uncomfortable”. I understand why they don’t want us to have things like that in the background but why only talk about male teachers. At least why not say that it makes teachers in general uncomfortable or other students uncomfortable. But no it’s back to please change yourself or what you are doing because you will be treated weirdly by adult men even though you are a child and it’s their problem.

Anyway sorry about that. I kinda just wanted to rant again. Sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable. I hope you are having a good day and you aren’t near any creepy dudes. And if you are, I am very happy to bosh the creepy dudes. Bye bye~

Hi! Okay so every last one of those teachers are horrible and shouldn't be around children. Absolutely horrible. And the teacher who is putting his ya know that close to students is one hundred percent doing it on purpose and its disgusting, men know when they are visibly excited its just gross that he would even do that. And you were understandably uncomfortable, no teacher should be that close to a student. I am so sorry you were put in that situation. Really all of those teacher should be penalized. And seriously dress codes sadly aren't for the male students, but the teachers. A male teacher shouldnt be there if a minor's shoulders or legs are distracting. An adult man shouldn't be even looking up the skirts of teenage girls, you wouldn't even see anything if you weren't purposely looking, It's horrible. And why are young girls forced to change because a grown man can't control himself. I had went to a counselor's office in a kind of short skirt and she asked if I had any appropriate clothes or she couldnt send me to a male psychiatrist she'd have to find a female psychiatrist.....what the hell kind of sense does that make. If you can't trust a man with a young girl in skirt why is he even there?? Ugh it's absolutely disgusting. It really is there problem, not the young girl's fault. It's okay vent all you want, i hope you have a nice day and stay safe. If a teacher ever makes you feel uncomfortable make sure you go to a teacher you trust. Byee🌸🌸

[lexicals]

Liner notes for An Echo, An Answer

Okay let's give this a go I guess? I may add more to this if I remember things too lol

Fair warning this is an exceedingly long post. It has ~subheadings~ (ooh). These cover: 

Fun Facts

Notes about mira

Notes on actual writing/plot

Post-canon tidbits (to be supplemented by actual post-canon oneshot coming maybe not soon but definitely at some point probably)

Needless to say this contains some BIG OL’ SPOILERS. Please enjoy o:

Some general Fun Facts™:

When I posted the first few chapters of this fic, I didn't have a fucking clue where it was going. I didn't even know how kravitz died until I'd already posted like 10 chapters lmao. This was a stressful way to write and I am never doing that again

In terms of inspo, I remember there being a fic in which taako was a ghost and kravitz was a medium (if anyone knows what fic this is PLEASE tell me I cannot find it) and I think I subconsciously took inspiration from this. Also I’d already written a vampire au and I wanted more undead boyfriend shenanigans, I looove playing with the liminal aspects of kravitz being a dead-but-not-dead character

There was a goof version of this fic where kravitz wasn't from the 1900s at all and died in like. The early 2000s or something. He died having come back from/at a costume party, people assumed he was an actual ye olde victorian ghost, and he decided to just lean into it. Cue fake accent. This was scrapped mainly because I loved the ‘sleepy hollow’-esque man-out-of-time shenanigans way too much and also because I know very little about the early-2000s US but do you know what I do know a moderate amount about? 1900s england

I have not read the cask of amontillado and I did not know what it was until seeing the memes, which was after I wrote the basement body twist. I just wanted to have a cheesy secret basement behind a bookcase c'mon it's a murder mystery in an old spooky house let me have this

Anyone who's followed my content for a while probably knows that I'm a big trans kravitz stan, but I dithered over making him trans in this fic a Lot. This was mostly down to self-doubt abt a story ft. a trans man living as his preferred gender in that time period would be deemed "unrealistic" but in the end I said fuck it I want this & I think that was the correct move. Also I read a fair bit about absolute legend dr james barry & that made me a bit more confident about committing to the decision bc these people did exist & they deserve their rep

You may notice that all of the major OCs created for this fic are women. This was an accident but also I stand by it bc I think it helps to balance out the fact that so much of the ‘screentime’ is being dominated by the male leads (inc. angus, who probably has the 3rd most screentime after taako & krav). They’re also all just, absolutely indomitable people. I have a type when it comes to OCs. Speaking of:

Notes on mira:

Mira was very much a character created to serve a purpose, but she ended up becoming a lot more than that and I'm glad people warmed up to her while reading as much as I did while writing. She wasn't going to have anywhere near as much screen time initially as she did in the end but I just loved her & how her relationship with kravitz turned out so much that I ended up writing a bunch of snippets with the two of them just for me, which eventually turned into the fragment chapters because I wanted to share how gd cute they were. Also they ended up being pretty useful for plot too lol

She and flossy were actually kind of the same character to begin with, being kravitz's best friend who he lived with in a kind of lavender marriage with neither of them interested in the other but being happy enough being friends & pretending. I scrapped this pretty early for a lot of reasons but she was still the cause of his death in that version, whether or not she actively killed him. I think there was a gambling debts element at some point

Whatever iteration of the story, she was always going to be the cause of death. I ruled out actual murder pretty early on because I didn't want to tell a story about a gay, black trans man getting murdered in cold blood in his own home, which in a ghost story only really leaves manslaughter, and an accidental killing by a loved one was an idea that followed pretty hot on the heels of that decision - it's very sad, but there's no hatred behind it, so it's not too outright depressing for what is most likely an audience with a high population of marginalised people. That bittersweetness of tone - sad events, but almost always with loving intentions behind or around them - ended up being a real touchstone for the story as a whole

In terms of post-canon content for her, or I guess just stuff that wasn't mentioned in-fic lol, my idea of how her life played out is that she was a pretty solid pillar of her community for a very long time. She took what kravitz said about thinking about what she wanted to add to the world very much to heart, and her answer was for her to be to as many kids and vulnerable people as possible what kravitz was to her. Obviously in the end she poured a lot of herself into helping others out of guilt for having killed a man who she likely remembered a little rose-tinted, but the intent was always there before that too

I don't know how much this came across in the actual text but mira is mixed race (Black/white), though she is Black-coded in terms of how people see and respond to her (please tell me if I’m using these terms incorrectly). I downplayed a lot of the racial elements of this fic bc I don’t feel like it’s my place as a white writer to delve into those areas, but it is an element of her story that ties into anti-miscegenation laws and general societal attitudes and I didn’t just want to entirely gloss over those aspects, bc that wouldn’t be right of me either, so I can only hope the balance ended up working here, and for kravitz’s story too. I did a lot of the writing for mira’s story before even really thinking about this angle which is something I’ve learnt from now bc oh boy should I have thought about it sooner lmao........

Anyway. I love her. I’m very glad that other people love her too

In terms of story writing:

I used to watch A LOT of crime dramas when I was younger, and got so familiar with the structure of them that I used to predict who the killer was going to be about a quarter of the way into them almost every time. Most of the time the killer is someone introduced early on as someone fairly innocuous, but still notable, before the narrative doubles down on a red herring suspect who's proven innocent about 3/4 of the way through, paving the way for the real twist killer. You see where I took my base structure from here

So, mira is introduced early on as someone important to kravitz, who was involved in his life (& death) somehow, but in general she's more suggested to be a victim than a culprit - because of course she is, she’s a child and she loves him! I'm only just realising now that this is a "person of interest" style plot twist here. (Remember what I said about the crime dramas? Just so many of them.) But then in the end she suffered just as much as anyone else, so I guess you could say she's both a victim and a culprit, even by accident.......

Structurally I'm actually really happy with how this turned out. In my head (BECAUSE OH BOY I DID NOT WRITE ANY OF THIS DOWN! Or at least not in a coherent way) the story was split into three mini arcs - the enemies section ending with the kitchen blowout, the friends section ending with the the bay window scene, and the lovers section which covers the rest of the fic. This ended up integrating really well with the main mysteries/pulls of the story - the first being the will-they-won't-they (they will, it’s fanfiction, but how?) of the romance element, and then once that's tapering off starting to dig more into the murder mystery element, which had been more of a subplot up until then, while the romance moves onto the back burner a little bit. The dual genre was an interesting challenge to try to balance and I think it turned out pretty well!

While I'm on this, setting up my breadcrumb trails for the plot twists was simultaneously very stressful and very rewarding. Trying to keep things obvious enough to be noted but subtle enough not to give the whole game away? Gave me so many headaches lmao. I actually thought for sure that some people would twig about the body in the cellar sooner than ch42, but then actually in ch42 way more people picked up on fisher's sniffing around than I expected. Clues are hard!! But at the same time seeing the handful of people who called mira as an adoptive daughter, or the fact that krav fell down the stairs, or the fact that mira's og parents were involved was very cool and it made me very happy to see people picking up the little stuff and putting it together

QUITE A FEW PEOPLE SAID NICE THINGS TO ME ABOUT HOW CLEVER THE PIANO TUNING ANGLE WAS. I CANNOT TAKE COMPLETE CREDIT FOR THIS. IT WAS A PLOT HOLE THAT I SUDDENLY REGISTERED OUT OF NOWHERE WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER & THEN ENDED UP WORKING IN SO I GUESS IT TURNED OUT FOR THE BEST & MADE ME LOOK VERY SMART BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Something else that a couple of people have noted & that I only realised in the process of writing was the fact that a lot of kravitz's ghostliness in this fic has the potential to be read as an allegory for chronic illness/disability. This was something I only caught onto myself while I was writing the scene on the porch at the end of ch42 when I was writing kravitz's dialogue and was like..... oh shit that's a thing huh. Bc he is, y'know, quite literally housebound and limited in what he can do in a lot of ways, which is part of the reason I really tried to hammer home in that chapter that even though the fic ends with him being 'cured' (because that ending was always the intention from day one before I ever thought about this reading), they would have been happy together regardless. Love is not conditional!

Post-canon thoughts:

Taako and kravitz go into the house. Kravitz says oh my god what is that smell. Taako says he made blueberry pie earlier. Kravitz says okay we're putting bedroom fun times on hold I need that RIGHT NOW

Kravitz eats way too much too fast and spends the rest of the afternoon curled up on the sofa with a horrible stomach ache. He is not used to that much rich food. Taako is not impressed with this

He rolls his eyes and they watch a movie and talk instead and get to the bedroom fun times later

On the topic of food you Know krav ends up with a bit of a tummy from taako spoiling him. He looks & feels great and taako loves how comfy he is

Also on the topic of bodies I think krav does a lot of experimenting initially with what feels good now that he has a lot more freedom in presentation. He likes to mess with his hair a lot. Dresses and skirts are still a bad feel but a little makeup is fun sometimes. Kravitz living his best undeath 2k18 (I took so long to finish this fic it’s set 2 years ago now lmaoooo)

Kravitz lets taako drive him somewhere exactly Once before vowing NEVER AGAIN taako's driving privileges are REVOKED kravitz is going to get magnus to teach him to drive instead.

Taako says what the hell are you gonna do if you get pulled over you are a hundred and thirty and also dead you can't get a license. (He could get him a fake one, but he's not going to, because he's being petty about kravitz insulting his driving.) Kravitz says fine show me yours then. Taako says no but kravitz steals it anyway. A minute later he’s produced his own undoubtedly fake license out of nowhere complete with a fake DOB and a very nice picture

Taako says gasp kravitz that's ILLEGAL. Also you know you have to make this picture worse if you want it to be convincing right

Kravitz starts giving angus music lessons. Angus isn’t a natural by any means but he works hard and that gets him a long way

OH ACTUALLY I SHOULD PROBABLY SAY SMTH ABOUT THE REUNIONS HUH. GINNY THESE ARE FOR YOU:

Maybe it's weird to start with barry but the poor man has to have a sit down. He has so many questions. Kravitz what is the afterlife like it's fine you can tell him just give him a hint please and also can he maybe get like. A blood sample or something. No that's not weird it's for science what are you talking about taako bring him back

Kravitz is fully expecting lup to wreck his shit, and she acts like she's going to right up until she's close enough to give him a big ol hug instead. She says she missed him a lot & that he's much nicer to hug now that he's not a freezy boy, and kravitz goes ;_;

It's a very tight hug though. In some ways it is still a punishment

Also could he maybe hook her up with this death goddess of his? Lup would like to be immortal too, kravitz. Kravitz can you get a resume to your boss and could you write lup a reference while you're at it

Angus!! He’s so happy to have his other uncle back!! There’s a new caleb cleveland book he needs to read so they can talk about it!! All of this after a lot of crying and hugging.

I think at some point they do go over to visit mira’s descendants. Taako says hi remember me? I brought my boyfriend to visit! Unnamed great great grandchild #1 is like um he looks kind of familiar. Kravitz says well yes there is kind of a reason for that and it’s because I’m in that picture on the wall over there, hi I’m your great great grandfather nice to meet you

The family is a little weirded out by this at first but eventually they’re like. Well alright I guess do you want a coffee

Kravitz says yes please god do you know how many people keep offering me tea

He babysits for the youngest ones sometimes. The kids love him and the adults are happy to give him stories in exchange for his time, seeing as that’s all he asks for

Taako says ask them for money and contribute to this household kravitz. Kravitz says absolutely not they’re family and you’re already getting my youtube ad revenue

Yes kravitz has a youtube channel and is also very involved in the local music scene. He can’t do anything that would technically be classed as interfering with the flow of the living world but no-one said he can’t anonymously share some of his music here and there

Johann gets him a gig conducting for his orchestra every now and then. Kravitz is fucking ecstatic and finally gets to conduct some of his own pieces in front of an audience. Maybe they actually get to that biography johann mentioned at some point. Idk I haven’t thought about that part too much

Okay I wrote WAY more than I meant to here but I hope at least some of it was interesting and feel free to ask me questions if there are elements I’ve missed off of here that you want to hear more about! (Bearing in mind some of the answers may be “actual post canon content coming soon/later” lol.) As you can tell I have a lot of things to say about this fic & I’m always more than happy to hear that people are interested!! o:

[comradeclown]

OK, so in honour of my top posts now being me saying at various degrees of length that Arthur is gay (hashtag mylegacy, lmao…), I thought I should just go for it and actually dive in a bit a lot into why I read the character as gay. Now, usually all the justification I need to read a character as gay is “wouldn’t it be cool if this character I like/relate to/etc were gay like me?” and “it’s OK, officer, I do what I want”, and I’m well aware that 99% of the time it’s me using my own creativity to do a resistant reading + the film/book/whatever bumbling into subtext entirely by accident. And while I definitely don’t think there’s ever any more justification needed for any kind of LGBT reading, lol, as it comes to Arthur, obviously feel free to disagree with me, but I honestly think my read of him as a gay man is entirely textually supported, however unwitting and accidental that might have been on the part of the filmmakers (mind you, I don’t think it was Todd Phillips’ conscious intent, but I’m like… 85% sure Joaquin Phoenix knew exactly what he was doing).

(ETA that this is extremely long, so I’ve put it all under a cut.)

First of all, there’s of course… pretty much the entirety of Joaquin Phoenix’s performance (a very, very small sample can be found in my he gay son tag and just generally in my arthur fleck tag, ha), from his mannerisms to his physicality to the way he interacts with other characters. I know part of it is a function of wanting to go back to the character’s campy roots (which are themselves… you know…), and I know I’m relying on stereotypes to some extent, but first of all, you can’t divorce either camp or gender non-conformity from LGBT history and existence, and secondly this is literally how characters have been coded as gay throughout the entire history of cinema. What I’m saying here is that you can’t have a character who acts like Arthur does, literal limp wrist and all, or says “come on, Muuuurrrayyy, do I look like the kind of girl clown who could start a movement” the way he does, to pick one of many, many examples, and not evoke the long history of cinematic wink emojis at People Like Me.

That in itself would… honestly be plenty, lol, but it could be chalked up to, idk, Joaquin Phoenix doing his own thing, were it not for the fact that it’s completely reinforced at every turn by the filmmaking language, even down to his wardrobe choices, and it’s worth noting at this point that the framing is always one of empathy — albeit with nuance — and affording the character subjectivity, rather than being “ew, look at this gross [homophobic slur]”. Like, the very first time we see Arthur, literally our first impression of the character, he’s at a mirror, putting on make-up and then ruining it by crying, and while the make-up is of course part of his job, this is just not how the inner crises of straight male characters are expressed in the language of cinema. Of note too is the fact that he’s clearly visually separated from his co-workers in all the scenes at Ha-Ha’s, indicating his alienation from them, and while this could be chalked up purely to his disabilities, I don’t buy that that’s the only reason, given that Gary gets shit due to his dwarfism, sure, but at the end of the day he’s clearly “one of the boys” in a way Arthur (can’t be) isn’t.

There are honestly so many examples of the framing working to separate Arthur from conventional masculinity and heterosexuality that I’m just going to pick some highlights, such as: obviously, the way he expresses himself emotionally through dancing (to the point that one of his coworkers explicitly ribs him about it, “if your dancing doesn’t do the trick”), which again is not something that straight male characters do in the language of cinema. The fact that all the media we see him consume is musicals, classic comedies and a talk show he’s obsessively fannish about and watches with his mother — and we know he’s a fan of the show as a whole, not just Murray, hence him saying “I love Dr Sally” (and the way he says it…). Or, speaking of his media habits, when he’s dancing with the gun while watching Shall We Dance, this could have so, so easily been about him ~regaining his lost masculinity~ through, say, fantasies of revenge or badassery, but instead it’s about him being acknowledged as a great dancer and punishing bad dancers, and it all ends in slapstick anyway.

Also, while I’m on this topic, I want to address the nature of Arthur’s dissociative fantasies about Sophie. Honestly, I don’t read them as indicative of genuine romantic/sexual interest at all, because the film frames them as identical to Arthur’s more deliberate daydreams about Murray. I mean, not that I’m adverse to gay readings of that if that’s what you want to do, lmao, but to me they’re both very clearly post-traumatic fantasies of having another person look after you for once, of having someone value and cherish you and take care of you emotionally (which obviously has massive appeal if you’ve been dealing with the after-effects of catastrophic trauma all your life but nobody has given a shit about your suffering and you’ve had to be the one to look after other people to boot). Note that after the get-together with Sophie — which is clearly patterned after all those old comedies and musicals Arthur watches — the Sophie fantasies are incredibly platonic and involve things like having another person be there for you in a crisis, telling you something supportive, getting you a hot drink (in contrast with the reality of the hospital scene, in which Arthur is alone and he’s the one trying to comfort someone else, i.e., holding Penny’s hand), essentially no different from fantasy!Murray hugging Arthur and knowing exactly what to say to make him feel good about himself. Also note that both fantasies involve being the object of someone else’s affection, Murray picks Arthur out of the audience and Sophie comes to him, it’s a pillow princess Cinderella fantasy, more than someone loving you it’s about being loved. (And, once more, this could easily have all been v. v. different, the Murray fantasy could have been the much more conventionally masculine fantasy of being a famous comedian and being invited on Murray’s show, the Sophie fantasies could have had an undeniable sexual component, etc.)

Anyway, to get back to the general point of cinematic framing, again if the movie didn’t want me to read Artie as gay, it shouldn’t have had a pivotal moment in his character arc be him sitting at his mother’s vanity table, doing a new make-up look which involves using her lipstick, and then having a Moment while he’s literally holding a quasi-glamour shot of her.

And the thing is, all these reams of stuff aren’t even the key piece of the puzzle for me, which is the way in which the film as a whole can be read as a gay narrative. I’ve posted before about how part of the emotional catharsis of the film is about Arthur finally shamelessly embracing and even revelling in all his freakishness and socially-despised traits, a big one of which being what is arguably his effeminacy and… honestly I don’t need to explain how that’s a classic gay (and more generally LGBT) narrative, do I? Like, there’s a reason why a pivotal scene is Arthur having his hair-dyeing underwear rave in a flat that’s suddenly incredibly bright and sunny for the first time, it’s about reclaiming the pain and ugliness of your life and your circumstances into a space of potential liberation, which is honestly why this movie is always going to be incredibly personally meaningful to me for so many reasons, but definitely meaningful to me as a gay woman. (Again, this could so, so easily have been about him becoming some stone-cold badass or whatever, but instead the film has him dye his hair, put on a super garish new outfit and new make-up look, dance shamelessly in the street, and be incredibly campy on national television.)

More generally, there’s other aspects of the narrative arc that tie into this general theme and which also serve to continually distance Arthur from the conventional cinematic narratives of heterosexual manhood: for instance, once he starts fully embracing the Joker persona — which is… just Arthur, the crucial difference is in how others perceive him and how he perceives himself — any attraction to women, feigned or real, goes completely out the window and the only genuinely affectionate interaction he has with another human being is with Gary (I know we all love to joke about his first kiss being with Dr Sally, but it’s obviously Comedy Jokes and he doesn’t even kiss her for real, his make-up is completely intact; Arthur’s only real kiss in the movie is when he kisses Gary). Or, when Arthur’s personal narrative finally intersects completely with the larger social narrative — which is itself about upheaval, reclamation and potential liberation — the big triumphant moment is him once again dancing, this time for a cheering crowd, and using blood like lipstick to redraw his smile.

Or even, to a lesser extent, his whole sub-plot with his mother, before I watched the film I was worried that this was going to be the usual narrative about the henpecked guy who finally puts the bitch in her place as part of becoming a Real Man, and it’s not at all, quite the opposite, Arthur is not henpecked and is clearly in charge of the household, he genuinely loves Penny — and is confident she loves him back — and enjoys doing at least some things with her (them watching the Murray Franklin Show together), and up until the reveal any issues he has with her are largely the product of having to look after an ill person with zero social support and while working a physically and emotionally demanding job and dealing with his own disabilities. When he kills her, it’s a deeply sad and self-destructive scene and it’s the result of his profound anguish and sense of betrayal and he frames it as the bitter, trauma-haunted dark half of self-actualisation and self-acceptance (“that’s the real me”, “I haven’t been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”, “now I realise… it’s a fucking comedy”).

Or, at a more meta-textual level, the way the film is unabashedly both a pulpy thriller and a melodrama, just shamelessly embracing all its emotions, its pain and catharsis, without a trace of irony. Like, yeah, part of this is the immense sincerity and compassion Joaquin Phoenix brings to his performance, but it really is the movie’s approach as a whole, and when there is humour — and I do think there’s quite a lot of humour in the movie — it’s not the distancing, let’s-not-feel-anything-too-deeply-bro humour of your typical MCU movie, it’s the camp sensibility of laughing with and at your own tragedy. (Myriad examples down to the use of certain songs in the soundtrack.)

On a final note, you guys know how much I don’t care about authorial intent, but I feel compelled to point out that in his director’s commentary, Todd Phillips says, while discussing Arthur’s journey into becoming Joker, that he reads the larger pop-cultural character of the Joker as someone who doesn’t want women, and like… Again, it’s not like I think that he was deliberately making a gay narrative in any way, it’s just that if you’re creating this journey of a man who eventually becomes a character who’s not interested in women in that sense, you’ve also just ended up stumbling into a gay narrative accidentally on purpose, lmao, what’s the real difference between “at the end of the story, Arthur doesn’t want women because he’s ~da Joker now, baby, he doesn’t want anything~” and “at the end of the story, Arthur doesn’t want women because he’s gay and he’s no longer deeply repressed and closeted”?

Anyway, like I said, feel free to disagree, he’s a fictional character, lol, but this is where I’m coming from, and the reason why if everyone involved in the movie decided to make a statement tomorrow about how much Arthur Fleck wants to bone women I’d just say “shit, idc, I’m afraid you made a gay movie about Arthur Fleck, a gay man, it’s a little too late to retcon this bitch now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”. Also this is over 2,000 words long what the fuck I am so sorry

[dutten-does-the-fanfic]

I Want You Here With Me (Is It Too Much to Ask for Something Great) ch. 2

Title: “I Want You Here With Me (Is It Too Much to Ask for Something Great” Ch. 2 of 14 (ch. 1) Pairing: Isak Valtersen/Even Bech Næsheim Warnings: Language, internalized homophobia and implied child abuse Word Count: 3950

AO3

Summary: The one where it’s been two years since Isak last saw or spoke with Even, and no one knows that Isak ever knew Even at all.

Present

Fuck.

Fucking, fuckity fucking fuck, fuck.

Isak’s fucked.

This was supposed to be his year. The year where he turned everything around, the year he got well again, managed to take care of himself again, the year where he wasn’t so damned sad, where he’d finally be happy again.

The year he’d finally get over Even fucking Bech Næsheim and get on with his life; move towards getting his degree in Biovitenskap where he’d finally managed to excel in that fucking physiology class last semester – he fucking aced all of the anatomy questions after having studied for three days straight with only one hour sleep – and things were going to get better, for fuck’s sake!

He’s so angry. His fists are clenched and he can’t keep his breathing under control. People on the street keep looking at him as if he’s about to attack anyone who walks too close. A mother moves her pram over onto the other side of the street and Isak wants to shout at her that he’s raging about the unfairness of his life, he’s not a baby-murderer.

Because everything is unfair. So unfair.

He’s worked too hard for this; for his friends, his education, this new life he’s trying to build – a life without Even – but somehow it’s all ruined again.

He knows the guys will ask too many questions, things are too suspicious and he can’t fucking answer any of them, fuck. And Magnus is Even’s biggest fan, he’s not getting out of this.

Isak’s panicking, he knows he is. He can’t breathe and he doesn’t know if he’s even headed towards the flat because the earth is spinning all around him and suddenly he’s on the ground, head hurting from the impact.

He’s not bleeding, at least, Isak can’t help but think as he sits up and looks around. There’s a group of young women warily watching him, not sure if they should go over and help or just pretend he doesn’t exist. Isak doesn’t know whether to shout or cry.

He hasn’t been this bad, hasn’t let himself fill his body to the brim with alcohol, for several months by now, and just the thought of how much he’s regressing just from seeing Even less than a second makes his throat tighten and chest hurt. He feels unshed tears burning in his eyes as he slowly gets up.

He needs to get home.

He stumbles forward and tries to ignore the group slowly beginning to go their own way, still keeping an eye out for him. The hard knock on his head was at least beneficial in startling him out of the full-blown panic attack he was about to have.

He’s not far from the apartment, actually, but when he glances at the clock on his phone, he sees it’s been at least four hours since he left fucking Mikael’s apartment.

The guys will surely be back by now; maybe they’ll have been there for a while because Isak ruined the party by freaking out. Maybe they’re still at the party and Magnus is hanging onto every sound that comes out of Even’s mouth, just like Isak once did.

Well, maybe not quite like Isak did, because he’s at least 79% percent sure Magnus isn’t interested in dicks – the male sex organ, not the personality, although Even sure does fit into both categories – but were Magnus to go gay for a guy, it would definitely be for Even.

He can almost hear Eskild huffing at that phrase, but Isak tries not to think of Eskild too much, even though it makes his stomach churn from guilt. Eskild, the only one who’s actually figured out Isak even though he never confirmed it as much as he fled the Kollektiv.

He’s good at that. Fleeing, that is.

But not as good as Even was.

Isak breathes out and tries to make the world stop spinning as he turns the corner and heads down the street he knows is a straight-way to the apartment.

It feels shorter than usual, though, even though he knows objectively it’s supposed to take nearly ten minutes, it feels like he blinked and then he’s typing in the code for the apartment complex’s front door and then he’s trudging up the stairs to get to his own front door.

He pats his front pockets, and then his back pockets, and then the front again because, fuck, if he’s dropped the keys somewhere he’s completely screwed. Not only does he not have enough money to get a spare made, Jonas will rip him a new one and he’ll be on kitchen duty for a month because of that stupid bet they’d made when they moved in.

He’d been so certain Magnus would be the first to lose, though, and Magnus makes the best pasta dishes in the entire world, so at the time it had seemed like a safe bet. Besides, Isak had never actually managed to lose anything important – sure, he’d forget a hat somewhere, his headphones if he was really scatter minded, but he’s never lost his keys or his wallet anywhere, which is something that can’t be said for the other guys.

“Fuck it,” Isak mutters, just about to bang his head against the door frame, body already moving towards the wall, when he feels a lump in the pocket in his jacket.

Alright, so he’s a forgetful idiot. He doesn’t even have the excuse of being drunk, because he hadn’t actually stuck around the party long enough to have more than one beer and then the two beers he’d had during their pregame before they’d left.

He fishes his keys out of his pocket, cringing every time he they clang against one another. His head is already starting to hurt, but he’s more bothered by the completely irrational idea that the guys – if they are even home yet – can hear every single noise he manages to make, but if he inserts the key really slowly and then twists it equally as slowly so that he can literally feel the movement of the lock sliding out back, then they won’t know he’s gotten home.

Door unlocked, check, handle down, check, door opened to just a big enough slot that Isak can slither in smoothly?

Isak sneaks in past the doorstep, careful not to step on it because it creaks like hell, he turns around, holding onto the handle with one hand, the other hand pressed against the door on top of it as he slowly closes the door. He doesn’t dare to breathe until he’s heard the small click of the lock.

All the air he’d been holding comes out in a low whoosh as Isak straightens up, smirking at the door because he definitely won this round, thank you very much. Now he just needs to get to bed, and then –

He turns around to see Magnus, Mahdi, and Jonas all staring at him.

Their arms are crossed over their chests and Isak has a weird, unwanted vision of being the villain to their heroic tales where they take him down in their formation.

Isak shakes his head to get rid of the image, but stop as soon as he sees Jonas’ nostrils flare slightly.

“What the hell, man?” Mahdi asks. He looks like he wants to move towards Isak, but he doesn’t, and Isak is pretty sure his legs no longer function.

“Hva skjer?” Jonas asks. He looks so irritated, they all do in fact and, yup, Isak’s legs definitely don’t work anymore, but he’s pretty sure he’s about to cry, so he doesn’t have to worry about his lacrimal system.

“Where the hell have you been?” Jonas tries again. His arms are uncrossed, but he doesn’t look any less pissed, and Isak doesn’t know how to do this. “You’re supposed to pick up your phone when we call you. Are you aware of that? That’s how phones work?”

Isak opens his mouth, but he honestly isn’t sure if it’s to talk or to throw up. Maybe he’ll throw up some words – that would be a nice change, because he honestly doesn’t know what to fucking say.

“It’s been four hours, man!”

Magnus is surprisingly quiet and Isak can’t help but worry that this is the beginning of eternal silence because Isak is now a traitor. He clearly knew Even and had never introduced him and Magnus, and he loves Magnus, he really does despite all the Even-fangirling and the invasive questions and he’s still pretty sure he might cry any second now.

“What the hell happened at the party?” Jonas now sounds more angry than he looks, and Isak can’t stand to look at him but he can’t seem to look away either.

But now Jonas isn’t talking anymore, and Mahdi hasn’t said anything since his initial outburst and Magnus is still just looking at him, and Isak isn’t even sure if he looks worried or betrayed and his head hurts and he just wants to disappear. Right about now, actually, would be really, really great.

“Hmm?” Is all he manages to get out, and it’s the wrong thing to say. It’s quite possible the most wrong, the wrongest thing he could’ve said, because now even Magnus looks slightly angry and Mahdi is positively fuming.

“’Hmm’? Are you fucking kidding me? ‘Hmm’?” Mahdi repeats angrily, actually breaking superhero-team formation and taking at step towards him.

Isak instinctively takes a step back, his back hitting the door harshly and the force of it jars all the way up his spine.

Mahdi thankfully doesn’t notice, but Isak can’t tell if Jonas does or if it’s just a reflex to grab onto Mahdi’s shoulder to hold him back. Jonas’ facial expression doesn’t change at all, though, so maybe Isak’s lucky for once.

They’re all quiet, heavy breathing almost echoing throughout the flat. Isak can’t meet their eyes, so instead he looks at the shoe rack that none of them actually bother using, which is why he’s standing in a pile of shoes at the moment.

“Do you even have anything to say?” Jonas asks. His voice is harsh and Isak now feels the anger start to bubbling inside of him. Fuck, he’d promised himself that the angry outbursts were a thing of the past.

“You disappear for hours, and like that isn’t enough of a shitty-friend thing to do, Magnus met his goddamn hero tonight, and I know you for some reason don’t like the guy, but you could be a decent friend and support Magnus!”

Isak can’t hold the wince back. He’s not even sure if it’s because he feels bad about not being a better friend to Magnus or if it’s from hearing Even being spoken about as someone’s hero. Some fucking hero. Isak learnt that the hard way.

“Not even mentioning that Even – Even Bech Næsheim, world-famous director apparently knows your name? How do you know him?”

“Jonas…” Magnus starts, reaching his hand out to hold onto Jonas’ shoulder, but Jonas shrugs him off.

“No! I’m sick and tired of this. Are you going to start this shit again? You said you were going to stop, or was that just another lie?”

It feels like a slap. Or maybe a punch to the gut, because Isak can’t breathe. He can’t breathe and he needs, he needs –

He fumbles with the door handle without even turning around, mind barely registering that he needs to unlock the door first, but then his fingers apparently remember and he twists the handle, body thrown backwards with the force of the door opening and then he’s gone.

He can hear the boys shouting after him. He doesn’t even know if they’re trying to follow him – he just slams the door behind him and then starts running down the flight of stairs before he bumps into the front door.

He thinks he hears the apartment door open behind him with a last frightened “Isak!” but then he’s outside and he’s running and he doesn’t stop until he’s turning so many corners he’s managed to get himself lost.

Isak stumbles for a moment, trying to get his bearings back, but all it accomplishes is the nausea rising up until he’s throwing up on the side of the street.

There’s no one there to see it, thank god. He’s even more grateful no one’s there when the first sob escapes him.

Fuck.

Fuck.

This is not happening. This is so not happening. God, why is this happening to him? This was supposed to be his year, god damn it!

He bites down on the sleeve of his hoodie, trying to keep any and all sounds in. The last thing he needs right now is someone calling the police because of a disturbance, it’s bad enough that he’s publically intoxicated. At least he’s not a minor anymore.

Isak knows he can’t stay here, though. First of all, he’s in the middle of a street in a very nice area in Oslo, he clearly doesn’t belong here. Second, he’s absolutely freezing and he really doesn’t want to go home.

It almost feels like another punch when he realizes that it’s the first time in a couple of years that he feels like that. Alright, he needs to leave unless he wants to give himself another reason to be crying.

He gets up on wobbly legs, almost stumbling into the pile of vomit before he manages to grab onto a street light and balance his weight out properly.

He knows he should call Eskild up, but Isak knows Eskild will want to talk about everything and he’s definitely mad at him at this point for the radio silence.

Isak will survive. That’s all he seems to be good at, anyway. He hopes he’ll one day know how to live again.

He can find a basement somewhere. He was practically a pro at breaking into them back when he was starting high school; he’ll recall the practicalities when he gets there.

 Past

He shouldn’t have done this. He really shouldn’t have done this. He is an idiot for doing this, and he can’t stop pinching his underarms even though it hurts like hell, because he’s a goddamn idiot and he shouldn’t be doing this.

The coffee shop is loud around him, or behind him, really, seeing as he’s sitting at the elongated table along the window, nervously twisting his cup of black coffee in his hands. Isak watches the people’s reflections, trying his best not to pay attention to any couples or any mothers. There’s a small group of friends sitting near the back. They’re the furthest away from him, but they’re the ones he can hear the clearest.

Isak’s an idiot and he doesn’t even like coffee, especially not black coffee, but it’s all he can afford right now until either of his parents remembers his soon two-week overdue monthly allowance.

He shouldn’t have come. He’s already regretting this and Even hasn’t even shown up yet.

If he even shows up, a morbid part of Isak’s brain gets through before Isak can force himself to think differently.

Isak’s regretting showing up, because Even is clearly regretting asking him to come, because Even himself hasn’t even bothered to show up, and Isak kind of wants to leave, but then he really doesn’t want to risk it because what if Even actually does show up –

Oh god, what is he even going to say? Isak hasn’t prepared for this, despite not having thought about anything but Even since he kissed –

He can’t start blushing now, not if Even is just about to walk in – which he should be, considering he’s fifteen minutes late – because if he does, he’ll never be able to stop.

Although his face will be turning red for an entirely different reason if Even doesn’t show up soon. Not that there’s any actual public embarrassment in it – no one here knows that Isak’s supposed to be on a… on a date, oh my god, he was asked out on an honest to god date with a boy, with Even, and, yes, he’s blushing, but his pulse is also racing in a bad way because Even still isn’t here, and –

The small bell hanging over the door rings out clearly as the door pushes open, Even gracelessly stumbling in, eyes frantically moving over the people sitting in the café.

Even’s shoulders slump when he’s finished going through all of the people sitting at the tables; most of them at this point already done with the distraction to their everyday lives that Even had caused.

“Fuck,” Isak hears Even mutter, his hand raises to push his hair off of his sweaty forehead. Isak watches as Even’s entire body sort of just slumps in on itself.

Even lets out a shuddery exhale that Isak knows he’s only able to hear because he’s sitting right next to him.

“Fuck,” Even repeats, words coming out at an even lower volume this time. “Did he even show?”

“Maybe he’s fifteen minutes late,” Isak says, voice matter-of-factly as he tries to keep a straight enough face that he can take a sip of coffee without spilling all over himself.

He doesn’t even manage to take a sip before he’s sputtering into his cup because Even fucking jumps, one hand grabbing onto the table, the other grabbing onto his chest over his heart and Isak can’t wipe the smirk off of his face.

“Oh, you asshole,” Even moans, but he’s already sort of laughing as he doubles over, utterly failing in drawing in deep breaths. “Fuck, I have, fucking, palpitations!”

Isak actually lets out a startlingly loud laugh at that. “Oh, dear me.”

“’Oh, dear me’,” Even mocks as he clutches onto the vacant high chair next to Isak, already clambering onto it as he pushes against the metal step on the chair. “What are you, eighty?”

Isak snorts and tries to give Even an indignant look, but he can’t keep the grin off of his face.

“Well, let’s hope the guy you’re meeting is a little closer to your age than that, then,” Isak draws the coffee cup up to his face in order to hide his smirk away from Even.

“Asshole,” Even repeats, tone so fond and expression open and honest that Isak kind of forgets to draw in a breath.

Even hooks his foot around the leg of Isak’s chair, pulling back sharply and with enough force to actually move Isak’s chair towards his own. He’s grinning so widely even as Isak has to grab onto the table with both hands, nearly sending the cup flying as he drops it in order to save himself.

Even lets out a laugh as he grabs onto Isak’s left arm, curling his hand around his bicep, not letting go even as Isak manages to right his balance again. God, Isak is well on his way to palpitations.

They just sit there, not saying anything. Isak switches between actually looking at Even, who doesn’t seem to be able to look anywhere that isn’t at Isak, and looking out of the window, not seeing anything really. He doesn’t have any attention span left that isn’t already directed at Even.

“So what should I say to my date when I’ve shown up fifteen minutes late?” Even asks, gaze finally moving from Isak’s face to the coffee cup he’s pushing around on the table.

Isak hums, scolding his face into a completely serious grimace as his stomach flutters with giddiness at the word ‘date’. “Well, it depends.”

Even breaks character immediately, cheeks already splitting from a too wide grin. “On?” He prompts.

“Did you tell him you were going to be late?” Isak twists his upper body to better face Even, faux-serious expression on his face.

Even shakes his head whilst trying to mimic Isak’s facial expression. “No. You see, I was kind of an idiot and didn’t ask for his number, nor did I give him mine.”

“Ah,” Isak sighs out. “A rookie mistake,” Isak says, nodding slowly like he has a lifetime of experience on the matter.

“Hey,” Even whines indignantly, giving Isak’s arm a soft push before resting one arm on the backrest, the other on top of the table, his hands hanging in the air, wrists crossed over in front of his chest. “For your information, I was quite nervous when I asked him to meet me here!”

Isak doesn’t even try to hide the grin on his face. “Is that so?”

Even hums affirmatively, grinning back himself as he presses the tip of his shoe against the metal bar functioning as a foot rest on Isak’s chair. Isak can feel the side of his lower leg, all the way up to his knee, pressing against his own leg.

Forget palpitations, he might just combust on the spot.

Even clearly feels the same, because his hands can’t seem to stay still, so he reaches out and grabs onto Isak’s coffee cup, his hand so large it curls all the way around the cup, before drawing it to his lips.

Isak doesn’t even bother moaning about that Even is technically drinking his coffee.

Maybe he should’ve, though, in order to save Even from literally sputtering it back out.

“Jesus!” Isak exclaims, moving back instinctively even though Even didn’t even spit it in his direction, his hand already moving to pound Even on his back. “Are you okay?”

“What the hell is this?” Even coughs out, voice hoarse as he rubs his throat with his free hand.

Isak’s eyebrows furrow together in confusion. “Coffee?” This was a coffee shop, after all – surely that fact that he was drinking coffee shouldn’t come off as too big of a surprise.

“That was not coffee!” Even replies crossly as he puts the cup back down on the table. “That was…” Even stops as he searches for words to properly describe the atrocity he just tasted, “utter despair!”

Isak shouldn’t be laughing – he doesn’t think, anyway, that he should be, but the first laughter kind of just bubbles out of his chest all the way out of his mouth, and then he can’t really stop himself.

“Could you be any more dramatic?” Isak asks rhetorically once he’s managed to get his breath back.

And promptly regrets it from the look Even gets across his face.

“Wha–“ Isak starts out, but Even has already locked his hand around Isak’s wrist, tugging him off of the chair, only stopping long enough to make sure Isak doesn’t fall flat on his face.

“First, we’re getting some real coffee to drink,” Even starts out, twisting around so he’s walking backwards to the counter.

Isak laughs as he grabs onto Even’s hoodie, holding tight to make Even stop moving so he won’t bump into the woman standing in front of them in the line.

Even’s eyes are twinkling and Isak can’t look away.

“Does ‘real coffee’ mean overpriced, hot, sugary water?” Isak asks petulantly, making Even give him a look of faux-horror.

“Real coffee, Isak,” Even repeats. His hands curl around Isak’s wrists once again, pulling Isak closer until they’re standing toe to toe again.

It feels so much like the last time they were standing in front of each other that Isak almost pushes onto the tips of his toes so he can kiss Even. He probably would’ve if they hadn’t been standing in the middle of a busy coffee shop.

“And then,” Even continues without missing a beat. One of his hands leave Isak’s wrist to curl around Isak’s waist underneath his jacket instead, “We’re going to see the world.”

Isak thinks his own eyes might be twinkling as well.

Next part

[thecorteztwins]

🔥 villains. 🔥 the hellfire club 🔥the difference between naive and unintelligent characters

Welp, this all got STUPIDLY LONG and I’m really sorry. Under a cut because HUUUUUGE.

🔥 villains.There’s just been a robbery! All the jewels in the museum’s vault have been stolen! The culprits are….Sabretooth and Magneto!Yeah, that doesn’t sound right, does it? Thievery isn’t really something either of them do, they’re not bank robber or cat burglar types at all. And Magneto’s not a fan of Sabes to my memory, it’s unlikely he’d work with him unless it was essential to his ACTUAL goals…which this isn’t. But hey, they’re both bad guys, so they must do ALL the bad things! No matter what it is, it’s in-character if it’s evil or unlawful, right?This is the logic that I see running both often in fandom, and also sometimes with canon writers. There’s a mentality that if someone is villainous or bad in ONE way, then they must be villainous or bad in ALL ways. I think there’s always been this misunderstanding, as people do tend to think in black and white a lot, but I think it’s also increased with the rise of purity culture in Tumblr, where people/characters/works are All Good or All Bad, and if the bad guys aren’t depicted as 1000% heinously evil then it’s APOLOGISM. An example in RP would be that more than once I’d had people expect Fabian to be a racist. I can see why, given that he expresses sexism, classism, a bit of ableism, and disgust with physical mutations. But not only does he never express racism, he never expresses racism DESPITE AMPLE OPPORTUNITY. Think about it—his main antagonists are Magneto (Jewish) and Quicksilver (Jewish and Romani), he once personally fights Bishop (Black and Indigenous Australian) one on one, he’s on one team with Shinobi (half white, half Japanese), and his allies/underlings in the second-gen Acolytes included people who are African American, Moroccan (and Muslim-coded), and Inuit. And he never, ever, EVER even THOUGHT anything related to race (or religions that are usually implicitly tied to race) about ANY of them. Given how blatant his other prejudices are, I think he would very much let the reader KNOW if he were racist, anti-Semitic, etc. An example in canon…look, I’m sorry to bring up this dead horse again, but it is the best example that I presently have—Sebastian Shaw making the “women’s work” comment. As with Fabian, I get why it makes sense on the surface. He’s a powerful man, the proverbial rich old white guy, and he’s part of an organization where women walk around in lingerie as a general rule. It seems like it makes sense, it does, I grant that. But then if you actually look at his history…for 40 years of canon, he’s been allies and enemies with many powerful women, and never made a remark about their gender, never relegated lesser or menial tasks to them, never treated any of them differently as partners or foes, he actually never even flirts with any of them, be they opponents or partners in crime  (except that ONE issue when Emma is in Storm’s body and he kisses her…yeah that was a weird issue, why does a telepath need a gun to switch bodies?) Which is pretty unusual for a male Claremont villain. And he actually reacts with “I…see.” the one time a comrade makes a genuinely sexist remark. He doesn’t agree with him, he’s more like “wow ok I can’t believe he said that but I guess I’ll let it go since I want to recruit him” So, it’s actually VERY odd for him to suddenly say something like that, once you know the character. Especially since, like Fabian, he had TONS of opportunity in the past and he’s also not a character that most writers want to seem sympathetic or likeable. So it’s unlikely the writers were just trying to make him look good by playing down some secret sexist tendencies all this time or something. It’s more likely he just doesn’t have them BUT IS STILL A HORRIBLE PERSON! He just doesn’t need to be horrible in every way! Most people, even the MOST terrible, aren’t horrible in EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.That’s also why I try to avoid having Fabian being too homophobic (beyond “I can convert lesbians”) or transphobic, despite the fact that I *could* justify it (since those things are very intertwined with sexism)—because he’s awful enough. Giving him additional bigotries just seems stupidly redundant and cheap. Especially since I think people actually hate a bigoted character more than they hate a murderer; like I feel like if Duggan ever graduates to Shaw making a racist or homophobic remark, I might have to close his blog, but it’s fine to have blogs for fictional serial killers. By the same token, a villain having good traits doesn’t somehow eliminate their bad ones, especially if the good and bad traits are unrelated to each other. A mass murderer supervillain is not “actually a good guy deep down” because he loves his family; it’s actually VERY common for even genocidal dictators to care for their own. Hell, not to go all Godwin, but Hitler was an animal-lover and had a beloved dog. You can certainly point to good traits to show that a villain isn’t ALL bad (which as I just said, I support) but not being “all bad” isn’t the same as “actually a good person and just misunderstood!” Like, Shaw being an egalitarian in a lot of regards or was good to Madelyne Pryor or loved his father, doesn’t change he’s a heartless, morally bankrupt monster who abused his son and sold out an entire oppressed species (his own, no less) for his own financial gain. Mystique is an incredibly complex character, far more so than Shaw, but her love for Destiny and Rogue and many of her other good points don’t change that she hunted down other mutants for the government, abused her human son for not being a mutant, has committed rape by deception numerous times (though I think that’s due to the writers not realizing that’s a thing), constantly tries to manipulate her daughter’s life and choices, and I’m pretty sure I recall an issue where she framed a guy for domestic abuse just for funsies?Basically, villains are people. They have individual different traits and beliefs and motives, and those things will drive them towards individual different types of villainy. One villain probably won’t do the same kind of villainy that another does. Likewise, someone being a shitty person in one way, or many ways, doesn’t mean they will be in ALL ways. Pointing this out isn’t the same thing as denying their flaws or defending them, but some people do do this and that’s wrong too. Nuance needs to be allowed for. Pointing out Shaw isn’t awful in every way doesn’t mean I think he’s a misunderstood woobie whose crimes should all be forgiven. Pointing out Mystique has done awful shit doesn’t mean I think she’s pure evil and all her complex points should be ignored. It just means I don’t think characters should be strawmanned by fans OR writers as paragons or demons, especially when it contradicts what canon has actually established (with the caveat that canon is dumb sometimes too, and also some characters canonically ARE one extreme or the other, but I’m talking about ones who AREN’T)🔥 the hellfire clubI’ll give two on this! One is “unpopular” just in the sense it’s not something I’ve ever heard anyone express, but I’ve never heard an opinion in opposition to it either. The other is “unpopular” in that it does directly contradict a popularly held opinion.The first is that I think it’s stupid that Grant Morrisson made The Hellfire Club into a strip club, and it’s stupid that writers since depicted it this way. The Hellfire Club is shown in the 80s and 90s as being, first and foremost, an elite social club for the wealthiest and most powerful people in society. It’s basically a big posh country club, and most of its members are just regular people. Super duper rich people, but still normal people, lots of old money and new money and big business owners and politicians and probably royalty/nobility. Most of what they’re doing is big fancy, stuffy galas and balls, that kind of thing. But under the surface, it’s hinted that there is indeed a much more sexual underside to it. The female staff wear very fetishy maid costumes, the female Inner Circles literally have dominatrix lingerie as their getups, and while we actually never see what goes on beyond the closed doors in the 80s, nor was anything directly stated, the hints are definitely there that it’s as libertine in the private rooms as they are prim and proper in the ballrooms. We don’t know WHAT exactly is happening, only that it’s dark and decadent and surely sexual in some kind of “abnormal” (read: kink shaming) way.And then it turns out it’s just a strip club where the dancers wear corsets? Really? REALLY? I’m sorry, you expect me to belief that these oh-so-forbidden and secretive sexual delights that are available only to the richest and most powerful people in the world are…a TITTY BAR WITH NO ACTUAL TITTIES EVEN OUT???? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! It’s so fucking juvenile! It feels like something a 13 year old made up while trying to come up with the mos edgy, shocking, “sexy” thing he could. It just…doesn’t work. It doesn’t work firstly because it completely took away the whole “upper class veneer” that is as much an essential part of the HFC as the sex. In fact, I think more so. Writers, artists, and fans all like to focus on ZOMG THE SEXY COSTUMES but thematically speaking, I think the fact it’s an elite organization exclusive to the super-wealthy is much more important; that should be what they’re really about as villains, but writers end up focusing way too much on the shock value of the kink, and that’s how you wind up with stuff like this. The second reason it doesn’t work is that…it isn’t even shocking. When what they were doing was kept hidden, the reader could imagine no limit of decadence and depravity. When it’s revealed, and revealed as something that’s frankly super and common and TAME (seriously, strip clubs aren’t edgy these days) that you can get anywhere else, you’re left wondering why exactly anyone gives a shit about being in the HFC if this is all it really is? We should NEVER get to see what the HFC patrons truly do in private, and we should definitely never get shown that it’s just watching a woman pole dance with Victorian underwear on. That doesn’t make the HFC look sexual, it makes them look like PRUDES!Honestly, I do actually love the sexy sinful decadent aspect, but it’s overtaken the “extremely rich and powerful people trying to rule the world from behind the scenes through political and economic manipulation” aspect (which is far more interesting and villainous) that I kind of wish sometimes they had been created without the kink or colonial cosplay aspects, and instead had just worn some 80s powersuits.Now, here’s the “unpopular as in contradicts the popular” opinion. I see the Hellfire Club described a lot, in canon and fandom, as an organization of powerful MEN, as a bunch of MEN who just want to control others, as a BOY’S club…but aside from Sebastian Shaw, all the most prominent and effective members of the Club have been women? I mean, think about it. The names most synonymous with “Hellfire Club” in fandom are Emma Frost, Selene, Jean Grey as Dark Phoenix, and Sebastian Shaw. Shaw’s the ONLY dude that really gets any focus from writers OR fans; the women are almost always utilized more by writers and remembered more by fans. Heck, in the London Branch of the Hellfire Club, NONE of the male members of the Inner Circle even got NAMES, while ALL the women did. Now, of course, individual women in an organization being successful in said organization and beloved by fans/writers, doesn’t mean the organization itself can’t also be sexist. And like most people, the disparity between the costumes of both the Inner Circle and the mere staff does lead me to believe that it was probably founded and run only by men originally, and I bet women probably weren’t even allowed in for a long time (especially given that it was established in the 1700s) But that’s my HEADCANON. That’s what I EXTRAPOLATE. But what’s actually on the page IN THE PRESENT is women that are on equal footing with men, or superior to them. They’re not just simply ALLOWED in the Inner Circle, they’ve been dominating it from the first appearance with Emma ruling it alongside Shaw over Leland and Pierce, and then Selene coming in to challenge Shaw and Emma (with Shaw being terrified of her) in a way that none of the other members (all male—Leland, Pierce, Von Roehm) could. Gender is never brought up by anyone, even the most despicable male HFC members like Donald Pierce. So while I believe it was founded by sexist men, the Inner Circle seems pretty egalitarian now.But of course, there’s the costumes. I absolutely think it’s a sexist setup that the men get to wear (super ugly) period cosplay while the women are in fetish lingerie. It seems to be the standard uniform, and the fact that they haven’t CHANGED it shows that there’s definitely still some sexism.Except…it doesn’t seem to be a rule in-universe that the women HAVE to wear them? We actually see female members of the HFC, such as Selene, wearing clothing other than that while hanging out there; there’s actually a scene wear Selene is wearing pants and a sleeveless turtleneck with gloves. Maddy also wears a lot of black leather when she’s a member, but it doesn’t look like the Hellfire Club ladies getup, it looks like all the other stuff she was wearing in the 90s. And when Selene, Emma, etc., AREN’T in the Hellfire Club…they often still dress exactly like that, or in a similiar manner. I think it’s pretty clear that no one is MAKING them wear the uniforms, they just LIKE them, they’re probably “encouraged but optional” or something like that. And Emma even has that WHOLE DAMN SPEECH about how this is her armor, how it empowers her, etc. That said, while I don’t think any other CHARACTERS are making these women dress like that, I do think the writers/artists are. If a real woman made the speech that Emma did, I’d be like “ok sure, you go girl, do what feels empowering for you”. But Emma ISN’T a real woman. Every word in her mouth in that panel is being put there by Chris Claremont, a horny man with a dominatrix fetish who is trying to justify it by selling it as feminist. That is what it is. But just because that’s the case on a meta level…on an in-universe level, no one makes these women dress like this, and that’s very evident, and while the way they’re treated by writers/artists is definitely affected by them being women, the way other characters, including the Hellfire Club men, treats them, isn’t. At least not til shitty recent stuff. (I’ve seen some people think SHAW made the women dress like that….yeah, sure, like he could make SELENE do anything? He’s completely afraid of her but somehow can make her wear something she doesn’t want? Emma and Selene dress like that no matter where they are and whether they’re presently HFC members or not, but somehow he’s making them do that? HOW DOES ANYONE GIVE THIS GUY THAT MUCH CREDIT?)Basically, I think people are TRYING to be feminist, but it often ends up feeling like SEXISM to me? Because it’s totally ignoring and erasing the power and agency that these women exert in this organization, and often even claiming that it’s actually the men who have all the control, when aside from Shaw it’s usually the ladies running the show. It just seems disrespectful to me. It’s like, as much as people are claiming to hate a lack of agency for female characters, they seem more comfortable with that idea than a situation where women actually HAD it. Maybe it’s because they’re villains, maybe it’s because the costumes really are distracting and unequal no matter how the writers try to justify it (again, I wish they’d just gone with business suits), but there seems to be an overall fandom determination to insist on women like Emma Frost and Selene as victims or simply accomplices to a greater (male) villain, rather than embracing them as the Top Tier Bad Bitches they were/are, and, again, that seems more sexist to me than not. But I worry people will think I’m sexist if I say that. But you know me, you know I LOVE agency for female characters, and how I rail against it when see them ACTUALLY lacking it in comics, so you know it’s not that. I think it’s just a part of the rise in purity culture that even “progressive” people would rather see a woman forced or coerced to be a victim than choose of her own volition to be a villain and be GOOD at it :/🔥the difference between naive and unintelligent charactersWell, firstly, obviously there IS a difference. Naivete is just a lack of experience or learned knowledge, neither of which has anything to do with intelligence. A naive character may make mistakes in a new situation based on their lack of knowledge about it, and that may LOOK stupid to those who have this knowledge, but it’s not the same thing. I think we can agree that, say, Tony Stark isn’t stupid, but if he had to navigate in the wilderness, he might do things that experienced hikers and campers and outdoors people know are SUPER BAD IDEAS. Because this isn’t something he knows about or has experience with.So, I think considering characters who are new to this world (as is common in comics—lots of people from other dimensions, planets, and times) as stupid because they don’t know a lot of things we take as a given, is erroneous. I think it’s pretty common for fandom to look at, say, Longshot or Thor, and deem them as basically being idiots because they’re not familiar with their new environments…when in fact, we’d all be acting the same if we wound up in Asgard or Mojoworld. Not that there’s not other reasons they can’t be idiots, but not knowing what a toaster is isn’t one of them.The big difference is that naivete is a temporary state, and I think both writers and fans forget that. The character’s naivete will gradually decrease as they learn more and more. So if you’re writing an Avengers fic where Thor has been on Earth for five years so far, he probably knows what a toaster is, can order normally at a restaurant, isn’t confused by normal sights like cars or traffic lights or computers, etc., but could still be confused if he went to a Midgardian country with very different cultural norms than the ones he’s learned in the United States. Likewise, I can keep Malcolm perpetually baffled by new worlds in RP since time is kinda wobbly here and can be static or move forward or back as we like, but if I were writing him in a linear story, he would have to learn along the way about the technology and norms of other worlds as he experiences them; if he didn’t learn, THEN he would be unintelligent, not just naive. If he touches a hot stove once because he didn’t know what it was, and it burns him, that’s naive. If he touches it twice to test if it does the same thing again, that’s curious and maybe even smart, despite looking stupid to others. If he keeps doing it every day by accident, then THAT’S an idiot. Also, even a naive character may still be able to deduce that certain things are bad ideas, dangerous, etc. For instance, let’s say my character is a normal everyday girl sucked into a fantasy realm. She doesn’t understand the language, and the people around her don’t look like anything humanoid, but when all of them go quiet and still when a larger, more decorated one enters, and they all give it a lot of space, she can probably deduce that this is someone of great importance, and she probably should do what the others are doing and not risk pissing it off. She may know nothing about these beings or their customs, but she still can use her powers of observation and common sense. It may end up being a TOTALLY wrong move—for instance, maybe newcomers are meant to come introduce themselves to the leader by touching them–but it was a good, sensible guess. Whereas if she’d just walked up to the being and given it a good swift kick, that’d be unintelligent to an almost unbelievable point, and no amount of “she’s just naive!” could excuse it.Oh yeah, and optimism doesn’t automatically equate to naivete either. To be honest, I think that extreme cynicism is just as naive in its own way as thinking everything is sunshine and daisies, and I’d like to see this explored more in fiction rather than the perpetual “happy positive people are dumb and naive and just don’t know better, whereas the grumpy cynics are always smarter and more experienced” that media is so fond of.TL;DR Not only is naivete not unintelligence, it also should be a temporary state. It’s definitely cute to watch a naive character stumble around their new experiences, but in gaining those experiences, they’re going to become less naive, and make few mistakes. Naive characters should also still be capable of acting in ways that are sensible, even if they end up being wrong for the new situation. And being positive doesn’t automatically equate naivete either, nor does negativity equate to the reverse (and can be naive in itself)

[sunshineandfangs]

Klarosummer - Charity Car Wash || Berdinak Gara

@klarosummerbingo

Brief mention of Damon’s abuse of Caroline (Yes, I will hold that against him for all eternity.) But it ends on a pretty shameless fluffy note for Klaroline.

Caroline grinned, feeling much more like herself than she had in a long time, shoving flyers into people’s hands with aggressive politeness. Chirping that she expected to see them all at the Sexier Suds Car Wash! (Sue her, she was re-branding an old name. She had been at the head of both versions and thus had full authority to allow it.)

Not too long ago it would have been unthinkable that she could find her happiness in NOLA.

And yet...

---

Six Months Ago

Caroline could feel hot pressure burning behind her eyes, bit her lip, hard, to stem the release of any tears. For all that she had sensed the distance growing between she and her friends, never did she think it would come to this. But without her even really noticing the bonds between them had torn and worn away.

She smiled bitterly to herself. Fighting one Big Bad after another, always seemingly scrambling for survival. She guessed that didn’t leave much time to actually work on relationships. 

Bonnie who was a friend, but not her best friend. Tyler now just another mark on a long-list of ex-boyfriends who found more important things than her. Matt, human Matt, that pulled away from everyone, just wanting a normal, peaceful life. And Elena...

Elena and her Salvatore drama, who sneered at and guilted her for her confused feelings for Klaus yet turned around and slept with Caroline’s rapist without batting an eye.

Her once iron clad plan to attend Whitmore with Elena and Bonnie at her side was in tatters. Weakened bonds she could have handled, she would have smiled and borne it, no matter how it might have hurt her. Because she was loyal. And they were her friends.

She hadn’t considered how little regard they had for her. Concocting yet another “Subdue Klaus” plan (nevermind that he had left the friggin’ state) a plan with even less forethought than usual and endangered not only her own life, but her mother’s.

That crossed so many lines, she had no words. So, they were done. And she was lost. Unsure what she was supposed to do now.

---

She shook her head, banishing her depressing recollections. Obviously, some part of her had known what to do. As almost without conscious thought she had pulled a certain voicemail from her archive, held the phone to her ear and listened to his voice.

Caroline. I'm standing in one of my favorite places in the world, surrounded by food, music, art, culture, and all I can think about is how much I want to show it to you. Maybe one day you'll let me.

Surprisingly, it hadn’t taken long for her to make up her mind, settle on an entirely new course. And seemingly in an instant she had researched universities near New Orleans and applied. A Tulane acceptance in the mail and her things in the car, she finally got out of Mystic Falls, the warmth of her mother’s support carried with her.

And it quickly became obvious she had made the right choice, considering...

“Hello, sweetheart. Why am I not surprised to see you spearheading yet another enterprise?”

A small smile pulled at her lips, reminded of another time he had said much the same thing. She whirled, teasing him about just that.

“Recycling lines now, Klaus? I suppose at your advanced age some senility is expected.”

He just smirked, looking unfairly attractive in his normal Henley and jeans combo, the dimples on his face marking an appearance.

“I rather prefer the term “experienced” myself.” He stepped closer, snagging the belt loops of her Daisy Dukes and pulled her against his chest.

It was a struggle to maintain her scowl, though she refused to let him win that easily.

“Klaus,” she admonished him, “don’t make me drop these.” She waved her flyers around, their edges now slightly crinkled.

He leaned back a little to pluck one from her, the fingers of his other hand idly tracing a pattern on the little strip of skin her shirt had revealed. She withheld a shiver, watching him absorb the details of the paper.

His eyes slightly darker, he returned his gaze to her. “Sexier suds?” He carefully pronounced. “Now why am I simultaneously delighted and irritated by this?”

Caroline scoffed, snatching the paper back from him. “Um, because you’re a caveman and love the idea of me in a teeny bikini. Hate the idea of anyone else seeing me in it.”

He hummed. “Yes, I suppose that is rather accurate.” His brow then furrowed slightly. “And uh, what precisely makes this a “sexier” suds?”

She grinned evilly, restrained her giggle at the dread that crossed Klaus’ expression. She knew he expected that he wouldn’t like whatever she had to say, but knew that he couldn’t stop her either.

Caroline leaned a bit closer, gleefully noting how he gulped, and purred, subtly rubbing her chest against his (thankful that her bra hid the way her nipples tightened). 

“Well, you see, Klaus, pretty girls in skimpy outfits, all that skin wet and glistening... it attracts men like nobody’s business, probably some women too. But I’m an equal opportunity kind of gal, so there will be some hunky male volunteers too, clad in itsy-bitsy speedos.” She winked, pulling away from Klaus’ suddenly loosened grip. “Hence, ‘sexier’.”

“I see,” he said, voice noticeably raspier. “When did you say this was?”

“July 1st, should I expect to see one of your ridiculous sports cars?”

Klaus’ eyes glimmered, a hint of something she couldn’t catch flashing in his expression.

“Perhaps,” he offered noncommittally, walking back to her side to press a hand to the small of her back. “Enough of that though, love. Tell me about your day.”

Caroline allowed him to linger for several hours, offered up only a few token protests. Rolled her eyes at his utterly unsubtle glowers when she handed the pamphlets out to boys.

---

She had been washing cars and directing the others for a couple hours now, and was honestly surprised that she’d seen neither hide nor hair of Klaus or even any of his minions (the ones he thought he managed to conceal from her. Pft, please.)

Then she caught a flashy red sports car driving toward her. Speak of the devil.

Though she blinked in shock when Kol shot out of the passenger seat, swaggering up to her and kissing her hand. “Fancy seeing you here, darlin.’”

“Kol,” Klaus growled, emerging from the driver’s side, slamming the door a bit too hard as he passed the keys to one the volunteers.

His brother grinned up at her, slowly straightening as he peered over his shoulder at Klaus.

“What, Nik?” He drawled. “I’m simply giving the lovely lady a proper greeting.”

Caroline snorted. Kol may have only been resurrected for a few months, but even she knew that was a shameless lie. She directed her gaze at Klaus, deciding to ignore the pest.

“Why did you even bring him?”

Now, Caroline was expecting some mock offense from Kol and grumbling from Klaus. Instead, she was greeted with the astonishing sight of Klaus actually looking a tad embarrassed, Kol’s grin grown to truly shit-eating proportions.

Her eyebrows rose, darting her gaze back and forth between the two brothers.

“Well, Nik? Go on, tell the girl.”

Klaus glared, a much more familiar expression, as he reluctantly explained. “I figured you might want some help, sweetheart. There’s an awful lot of cars after all.”

“I caught him trying on speedos!” Kol burst out, unable to contain himself.

Caroline couldn’t contain her laughter, watching Klaus shuffle a bit awkwardly before death-staring at his brother again.

“There were almost pictures before the prat crushed my phone.” Kol shrugged. “But I got this venture out of it. I keep quiet and he takes me to see the sexy co-eds!” Work apparently done, the brunet took off, flirting outrageously with the first girl he saw.

Caroline just sighed turning to face Klaus, amusement reigniting at his expression. “Speedos, huh?”

Klaus huffed. “They’re ridiculous contraptions! I’d wear nothing before I inflict one of those on myself again.”

Her eyes widened, unconsciously glancing down at the bulge in his jeans, before she rallied and jabbed a finger at him. “Don’t even think about it, Klaus!” She yelped, face warm.

He smirked, prowling toward her, definitely able to hear the way her heartbeat accelerated. “I know you just pictured it, love,” he murmured, face unnecessarily close to hers. She sucked in a breath, their surroundings fading from her mind.

But then his expression softened, shifting from predatory to earnest. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and pressed a quick peck to her forehead. “I’m not here to make trouble for you, Caroline. I wouldn’t cause an incident at an event you worked so hard on.”

She felt a little flutter in her chest, warmth filling her at his words. Knowing he meant them. The old her would have said something scathing, tried to deflect from the intensity of his affection. But now she just offered him a little smile, tugging his hand away from her hair and pressing her own light kiss to his skin.

“I know.”

And somehow it was Klaus who could read her the best, as after a moment of weighted silence he pulled his hand free, whipping his shirt off with an easy flex of muscle.

“I do still intend to help though, Caroline. I heard there was a dress code?” He smirked, un-buttoning his jeans to reveal boxer briefs. “I’m afraid I’ve never been much for rules. Apologies, love.”

She couldn’t help but laugh again, warmth still curling in her stomach. Stooping to pick up his clothes - intending to bundle them away with everyone else’s - she snagged his hand with her free one and dragged him toward the long line of waiting car.

“Better put your back into it then, Klaus. I demand perfection.”

He just smiled.

“Anything for you, Caroline.”

---

Author’s Note: Title is “We Are The Same” in Basque. France is obviously tied to NOLA and the the man Tulane University was named after was born from a French immigrant. I already used French so I went with Basque, a recognized minority language in a specific region of France: Pyrénées-Atlantiques. Also, yes this lovely little title quotes Klaus, references the equal opportunity options of eye-candy, plus nods at the fact Klaus goes to a ridiculous event to flex for Caroline (and scare off all her fanboys).

[curioussubjects]

Non-jittery Thoughts on 15.01

Alright, had some time too calm the hell down, so I could have thoughts beyond a keysmash and a crying emoji. Chances are, too, that I’ll have more to say once I sit down with the episode again. Had to get these initial reactions/musings out of the way first.

This episode did a bang up job setting up the personal plot points for tfw. I’m super excited to see where this is going: Dean’s hell trauma revisited, Sam’s wound and its connection to his own darkness, Cas still struggling with belonging, Dean and Cas’s continuous wrongfootedness coming to a head. It’s going to be a killer of a season emotionally, and I am Here. For. It. 

Full disclosure: the biggest chunk is destiel related. In my defense, Dabb & co. didn’t have to enable me, but here we are.

More thoughts under the cut. 

General Thoughts:

My hype was not squashed! We got a really strong season opener and I’m so happy about it. Sure, we got running ghosts. But overall the episode was incredible; just a solid SPN episode all around. A+ job and kudos to all involved ♥♥♥

The new title card is gorgeous and full of meta potential goodness. See this post for more on that; op hit it on the head I think. For additional analysis, there’s this post from different op that is killer.

Opening sequence with tfw fighting zombie ghosts and running for shelter? Amazing. Showstopping. Breathtaking. 

Dean’s grief over Jack that’s embroiled in his grief for Mary. Just. “He was our kid.” That’s some complicated shit right there. 

Gotta love all the tidbits hinting at what is to come during 15.a, at the very least, if not the larger goal of the season. Reading y’all’s thoughts on the episode has been great so far, and I can’t wait to see what else crops up this week.

                                                              //

On Sam: Currently, Sam’s role in the more interesting aspects of the plot continue to not quite match Dean’s, which has been a problem for a while. I’m seriously hoping that changes some with Eileen’s return, Rowena coming in with some banter maybe next week, and whatever weird curse Sam got with that bullet wound. I’m loving the potential and I’m loving the prospect of having Sam brought back to the center of the plot. I missed some more emotional involvement from him this episode, too, but that should be addressed once things calm down and Sam and Dean can debrief. However, we got peak Sam in a crisis and it’s always a treat to see him do his job. Bless. Him telling the clown to shut up made my night. I love him so much. 

                                                               //

On Belphegor: First off, Alex did such a fantastic job. I giggled a ridiculous amount. Instantly invested in the character as bringer of shenanigans. Was not disappointed. Quick deliciously meta tidbits about Belphegor, some of which may not feature in the show, but are still *chef’s kiss* (x):

Moabite deity responsible for fertility and sexual power (in case the ep wasn’t clear on that lmao)

was worshiped in the form of a phallus (so glad that made it to canon jfc)

is a fallen angel??? hello???

he’s the demonic embodiment of sloth, BUT specifically negligence and apathy (i am screaming isnt negligence the whole ordeal with dean and cas atm...and apathy was the problem with jack’s soulessness) 

rules misogyny and licentious men (yeah ok no wonder he was a fan of younger dean oof)

the juiciest: emerged from hell to investigate marriage among humans (and is conveniently in the peanut gallery of dean and cas’s fight. funny how that happens. hilarious, even.) 

apparently after living as a man to experience sexual pleasure he was appalled and fled back to hell where sex between men and women wasn’t a thing i’m??? what?? (yet in the show he seemed ok with hot dudes ayy)

I’m glad my “horny on main” observation turned out to be so on point jesus. Can’t help but wonder how long he’s gonna stick around. His outside perspective is amusing, at the very least. However, the fact that he barely interacted with Sam, but was a lot interested in Dean as well as Cas (though to a lesser extent) makes me think that he’s doing more than just deus exing them out of zombies and ghosts or offering hell exposition. Seems like he going to expose SOME OTHER STUFF. ABOUT DEAN (AND CAS?). He is the “Lord of Opening” after all. And isn’t using their words and being honest the thing we’re all waiting for wrt to DeanCas?? There’s some opening up that is necessary posthaste. Listen, I know I’ve been saying they need a marriage counselor, but this is not what I had in mind. Pretty on brand, though, I guess lol

I’m also really interested about the coding work the character is doing in continuing to queer Dean’s characterization. Belphegor being himself associated with (male) sexuality, and the show clearly focusing on his attraction to humans of the man variety. I wouldn’t even call it subtextual at this point as Belphegor’s interaction with Dean in the car to was really overt. My hopes that the show might actually be explicit about Dean’s bisexuality is uhhhh getting high again *confetti.* Should also maybe at least note that using a demon to do this is probs not like the best strategy, but at least said demon was 1. not skeevy and 2. mostly sympathetic to the audience. 

This is all assuming, ofc, that Belphegor is not catfishing tfw (there’s precedence, after all -- and kudos to anon and op for the timely observations). 

                                                                  //

On Dean & Cas: I think it’s really damn telling that so much space was given to their relationship as like the most important thing going on with their characters? Obviously they have individual issues to deal with (their own struggles with Chuck, revisiting Dean’s stint in hell....which btw also eventually involves Cas too so *hands*), but my sweet baby jesus the validation feels good. Onwards. 

We actually have a weird amount to unpack here because, as others have said, the tension between them is coming from more than just Mary and Jack -- though Mary and Jack are absolutely the main stressors atm as well as emblematic of problems they’ve had for a long long time.  

I’m gonna start with Dean because boy do I love that dumbass; I want to shake him. So we have Dean: he’s grieving Mary, he’s angry, he’s scared, he’s lashing out. It’s a Thursday. We know he’s angry with Cas because he blames him for Mary’s death, even if indirectly. You know what that reminds me of? Dean hating Jack for causing Cas’s death, even though it wasn’t directly Jack’s fault. More importantly, though, both the loss of Mary and the loss of Cas were caused by the same catalyst: Cas going off on his own to solve a problem instead of asking Dean (and Sam, but really, mostly Dean) for help. Like, it’s the one thing Dean has very clearly expressed that Cas needs to stop doing (hi 12x19). It’s the same mistake Cas has been making for years. There was a false sense of security there during seasons 13 and most of 14, but alas. Again, here we have Dean losing someone because Cas couldn’t just come ask him for help. Like. It makes sense, and it’s understandable, despite Dean’s coping mechanisms being shit. In short, Dean’s actual problem with Cas is less that Mary is dead and more that Cas refuses to learn his lesson wrt them being stronger as a unit rather than doing their own thing and putting themselves and others in unnecessary danger. 

Meanwhile, we have a continuation of Cas just being really sad and heartbroken because not only is Jack dead, but he’s once again unsure about his standing with Dean. He wants to protect his family, he wants to protect Dean, he wants to come back with a win; once more, he goes off on his own to do it and it blows up in his face somehow. As much as I loved Cas getting mad at the end of last season, I get why he’s somewhat subdued again. He has his guilt and grief and doubt to deal with. He doesn’t want to be mad at Dean probably about as much as he doesn’t want Dean to be mad at him. So far I’m not yet seeing the return of the spark we got when Cas was defending Jack last season, but I’m sure Dean walking out rattled him beyond the hurt. I wanna see what else happens to make him leave “in a huff” (a bit of spec on this further down). That said, what I’m most excited about is seeing how Cas gets reintegrated into the family -- pretty sure that’s universal lol.

The juiciest part now, though: I was all about the interplay of distance and care that we saw between them; let’s pause here for a quick sec to appreciate how that same interplay has been such a central part of Dean and Cas’s relationship since always like ugh. So much of the larger plot points in the show have also been situations that kept them from being truly partners as well as being constant interruptions on their ability to USE THEIR FRIGGIN’ WORDS AAAACK. We give Sam a lot of flack, but everything has awful timing in this show. We’ve had moments of honesty and vulnerability, but they’re always always cut short before we actually get somewhere; before they arrive at a place where they can talk about their issues. If the “are you ok” scene isn’t a perfect microcosm of that idk what is  /sigh

So, yeah, the “Are you ok” scene oooh boy. I wasn’t as excited as some of you at this scene being an example that Dean still cared, as that was never a doubt I had in my mind (it was definitely a yes omg just talk jesus moments nevertheless). Dean couldn’t possibly just turn that shit off, no matter how much he thinks he’s done with Cas. Like, please.  What we do have is Dean indulging on his own need to know that Cas is, at least, immediately fine. Triage, if you will. Him walking off before Cas can either elaborate, or, most likely, tell him about Sam, is peak Dean passive-aggressiveness. The meltdown I had in the tags of a gifset of the scene is still relevant:

 #cas's little sigh of idk relief???#like he's so sad and physically fine but he's SO SAD and heartbroken#and here's dean finally not just being cold to him and ASKING ABOUT HIS WELLBEING#look at cas's face in tht second gif my heart#you can see him gd relax too i cant#and dean has his fucking check in during a break in the chaos face#im so mad#jdhakjsdfhklsd#and then dean just.........walks away and doesnt actually debrief or help or none of the things he would do#and cas is just...there all vulnerable and upset right before he clams up at the demon's quip#but it doesnt even last look at his damn face as he leaves IM SO#somebody hug him#skldjfhklsajdfa#he needs a dean hug#but noooo dean is being a jackass#this is awful#im not ok#i hate it when they fight#im over it that's enough drama dabb i take back everything i said about loving pain

I’ll definitely have more thoughts on this once we have whatever emotional payload next week.

All in all, I’m not actually concerned about the future of their relationship. They’ve been through much, they’ll be fine. I am, though, tickled that we’ll see these key problems in their relationship reach a point where they have to be dealt with. Also: I can’t wait for the catharsis that Cas leaving is bound to elicit. Both for us, the viewers, and the characters. Besides, Dean needs to go to a corner and have a think about his behavior and if pushing Cas away is really what he wants. And then maybe finally we can get that sweet sweet resolution of an affirmation about Cas’s place in Dean’s life. And in turn an affirmation that Cas does trust their family unit enough to depend on them. 

I think we got a good set up in this episode leading into whatever drama we get in the coming weeks. The tension was up to 11. Love it. Hate it. Personally, I think the empty deal might be what does sets off Cas walking out. Somehow, the deal is not a secret anymore. We have here another instance of Cas making a super important decision that affects The Family on his own and then keeping it a secret (to protect Sam and Dean, a pattern). Dean can be angry and think Cas is dead to him all he wants, he will blow tf up when he learns about this deal. Sam isn’t gonna be thrilled either, though he’s more likely to make puppy eyes of sadness and Disappointment than yell at Cas. Seriously, though, I can just see Dean saying some bullshit because he’s just so done and here goes Cas potentially dying again, which in turn will probably piss Cas off. Etc etc. Cue the violins. 

                                                               //

tl;dr: if episode 1 is any indication, we’re in for a wild fucking ride, kiddos. hold onto your butts!!! 

[gwenjoon]

Flash Thompson is Gay: A Comprehensive Visual Essay

TRIGGER WARNINGS: alcoholism, abuse, homophobia, brief reference to The Child Within, which contains pedophilia 

Over the last year and half or so, I have read a number of Spider-Man comics and have reached many conclusions about them, but my utmost conclusion is that Flash Thompson is a gay man. It is very difficult for me to label male characters as gay, since we’ve all seen the way fandom can completely brush off women in favor of imagined gay men, but once this idea took hold, it stuck. I do not see Flash as truly having been intended to be gay since his conception, or even highly coded that way like Kitty Pryde or Johnny Storm. But along the lines of Bobby Drake, I just feel that it would be the final puzzle piece that would make his 50+ years of character development make sense.

This is not intended as propaganda or a way of seeing representation where it doesn’t exist, but a simple compilation of evidence.

We begin in high school.

Flash will probably always be known as something of a high school bully, even though he was only in high school for 28 issues in the 60s. It’s still hotly debated by fans and Spider-Man writers about how MUCH of a bully he was. In Lee and Ditko’s original comics, it certainly seemed like he and Peter were more mutually antagonistic towards each other, with the caveat that Flash was popular and Peter wasn’t.

No matter what, Flash had a fanboy obsession with Spider-Man, and maybe a bit of an obsession with Peter Parker, too, something both Peter and their classmates noticed and teased him for.  

There were times when Flash actually made some sort of attempts to be Peter’s friend, but Peter being Peter, and Flash being Flash, the attempts didn’t go well.

Flash was dating Liz Allan at this point. She teased Peter too, but eventually got sick of Flash berating Peter and dumped him. She then pursued a bit of a crush on Peter (which didn’t really go anywhere since Peter was pretty into Betty at this point). Flash didn’t like being dumped, but he seemed to focus more on the Peter part of this situation and ended up, like, stalking him. In a cute way.

SO Peter and Flash both get scholarships to ESU and kind of . . . accidentally become friends. How does it happen? I don’t know. They don’t even know. But it happens. Basically, Flash is friends with Gwen and Harry and they all hate Peter and Gwen starts NOT hating Peter and then Harry starts not hating Peter so Flash might as well not hate him either. 

Also, Peter is kind of hot now which helps everyone adjust.

Go get friendly with him, Flash. 

It’s just hard to buy Flash as being into girls when he likes men SO much. Like in Spider-Man: Blue when Gwen and MJ are dancing and probably making out and Harry, like most people who are attracted to women, thinks that’s neato, but Flash waits for his husband to return from war.

Flash goes off to the army pretty quick. Harry and Peter watch Flash make out with their girlfriends because he is nonthreatening and handsome.

When Flash comes back from the army, he is even more handsome, but he tells Gwen that he’s super into her and Gwen is like “if you loved me you’d be nice to my sexy boyfriend Peter” and Flash is like “okay” so Flash starts being nice to Peter. Real nice. It gets weird. Did a threesome happen? I don’t know. But Peter is definitely getting hot and Flash is definitely noticing.

Gwen dies. Everyone is sad, me most of all. But Flash feels the need to clarify some stuff to Peter. 

They graduate, Flash and Peter move in together, two bros chillin in a hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay.

Peter moves out and Flash thinks Glory Grant is hot but the relationship never goes anywhere because Flash is gay and Marvel comics is racist, but then Flash moves in with Harry. Flash was LONELY, you see. 

And then Flash is getting up the courage to confess his undying love to Harry when none other than Liz Allan swoops in and snatches him right from under his nose. 

But it’s gonna be okay because then Flash and Peter accidentally start dating! 

It might not be an accident for Flash.

In his defense, Peter really can’t just say things like that.

Also this happens. I do not generally find CPR romantic but, like, what were they going for here? The shirtlessness. The rain. The close up on the mouth to mouth. This sure was some way to frame life-saving efforts between two manly men.

So while this is all going on, Flash’s love life is getting . . . messy. I generally try not to think about it too much because it’s SO messy. Flash saves multiple young women from cults. He dates Sha Shan, cheats on her with Betty (who is in turn cheating on her vaguely abusive husband), and eventually hits Sha Shan. He is immediately horrified and runs away, Sha Shan moves out within one issue and it’s just . . . gone for decades. It went against years of character development and no one seemed to remember it happening. It might have been a way to get rid of Sha Shan (again, the racism), or a way to make you THINK Flash is Hobgoblin but surprise, it was the other abusive guy all along.

It’s really really poorly written, and a cheap plot point. Sha Shan deserved better. 

Then you have the thing with Betty. It’s like, they’re cheating! they’re forbidden! they’re in love! but it . . . doesn’t go anywhere either. Betty and Flash remain friends and seem pretty happy about it, until JM DeMatteis, the brilliant mind behind Kraven’s Last Hunt, tells us all in the 90s that actually they had a horrible breakup and Betty hates him. Wild. 

SO once that business no one wants to touch and everyone regrets has been pushed aside for some time, Flash starts dating again. He has a new girlfriend every week that he only seems to want to spend time with around, you guessed it, Peter Parker.

Here is an example. Flash is boxing and Blaze tries to literally have sex with him and he’s like “nah, hygiene” and then she comes onto Peter.

Indeed, Mary Jane. 

Then we have FLASH/FELICIA. It’s so good. I love them. Felicia starts dating Flash as revenge against Peter. Flash really wants to double date with Peter. Felicia is at first super annoyed that Flash is so GENTLE, but she falls in love with him. She even asks him to marry her.

Flash says no.

Things Flash tells Felicia Hardy when he breaks up with her: “I wasn’t attracted by your looks” and “I thought it would be cool to be this close to someone who was that close to Spider-Man.” 

These are things he tells her. They were really things he said.

While Flash is recuperating from his injuries, he starts freaking out that he and Peter aren’t actually friends (you were his best man, but you’ve never gone to a baseball game with him, so that makes sense I guess), and he starts talking about poetry. Poetry is a common way to queer code male characters. Take a look at Dead Poet’s Society or A Streetcar Named Desire.

But here’s the poem he mentions.

Make of that what you will. 

Flash gets pretty depressed. Starts drinking more. He can’t make a romantic relationship stick. He’s dreaming about the glory days. This is around when the retcon of his abuse starts to pop up too. 

And somewhere along the line, Peter Parker got hot.  

But things do get better for him! He reconnects with his sister and goes to rehab. He and Betty reconnect because APPARENTLY they’ve been fighting and Flash is a scoundrel and there is no evidence but I guess I’ll take their word for it. 

He also gets a job with Norman Osborn. Things get weird. 

In The Child Within, Norman Osborn’s abuse of Harry is paralleled with an explicitly sexual physical abuse from a father towards a son. In Sins Past, The Night Gwen Stacy died will be retconned to make it so that the woman Norman Osborn murdered will have had his children. I don’t like going there, but there becomes a distinctly sexual way that Norman’s relationships with Peter’s friends is viewed.

Flash is reminding Norman about his AIDS charity.

Flash would stick with Norman night and day if he could. 

Anyway. 

Here’s a fantasy of Flash’s! He loves Spider-Man!

Even when he’s fantasizing about a woman, he’s actually fantasizing about a man!

Okay, I will admit I have not read every Flash appearance in 616. I’m doing this whole “in order” thing right now and I haven’t gotten to a lot of Flash/Betty stuff. Maybe it will change my mind. I doubt it, but I like to keep my options open.

Moving onto Venom. Flash has been dating Betty long-term at this point, but his secret life as a superhero is tearing them apart (she thinks he’s been drinking again). Also, he just sort of . . . self-sabotages all his relationships. Guy’s got issues.

Then we have Flash involved in an incidence of gay-bashing. 

He didn’t fully understand what being gay meant. Been there, buddy.

Peter gives him the guy’s number and Flash has a chance to apologize and see two happy gay men living together.  

I don’t know, okay, but a guy calls Captain America Flash’s boyfriend. It happens. It’s there.

VENOM: SPACE KNIGHT. Please read this beautiful series about overcoming the cycle of abuse and learning to love again. Things get really gay with the alien goo.

Also, Venom has like always been pretty heavily coded as being . . . some sort of sexual metaphor. David Micheline went there real hard. Eddie Brock pretty much married the symbiote, but only Flash has the guts to make him a guy. 

Anything he desires. Anything at all. Whatever that might be.

Now for some Flash Thompson Looks:

Okay, let’s move onto alternate universes. 

Here, we have Flash in the Secret Wars version of Spider-Island.

He loved Lizard Betty the best he could. 

Avengers Academy! 

Then there’s Ultimate Universe: 

Love me some pen-sucking.

Not convinced? Well put this in your pipe and smoke it:

And, of course, The Amazing Spider-Man. 

“Chicks dig him,” he said.

I dig him, he thought.

Was this even about Flash being gay or about me loving him deeply and endlessly? Who knows. Who cares. It’s all true.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. 

[the-mira-life-project-mtf]

LGBT - I AM MIRA

My Transgender Journey

   When approaching the discussion of what type of L.G.B.T.Q. individual I might be, I fall in-between Gender Nonconforming and Gender Nonbinary. Personally I call the label: Gender Neutral or Gender Fluid as I deny that I am either male or female...but more like both at once. The only time I will use gender codes is on legal or medical documentation for statue of my genetic sex. I will even refer to myself as male as physically, that is what I think I appear as. For many years I tried to understand this duality of my gender and the only way I could understand it was through the ancient arts of the Animus and Anima.

Animus (David) & Anima (Mira)

   In Carl Jung’s school of analytical psychology, he purposed that there are two primary anthropomorphic archetypes of the unconscious mind. The animus and anima are elements of the personal psyche that makes up the human gender.

   The anima is the unconscious female form of the male body whereas the animus is the unconscious male form of the female body. The anima and animus can be identified as the totality of the unconscious feminine psychological qualities that a man possesses and equal to that a woman possesses, meaning that there is no one gender, but a duel-gender.

   The matter is simplified due to the construction of the human right (female) and left (male) hemisphere lobes of the animalistic brain. Depending on sex, we depend on either the right or left side for critical thinking and this shapes our primary gender. It is not to say that women don’t use their left lobe and men their right. The brain naturally bridges and this forms a non-binary form of thinking. At any time, we think as male and female when we interact socially.

   As children, our animus and anima are quite visible as we try to grasp the existence of being human. This is why we dress, play and find fascination in the non-binary body. As we age, we condition as male or female due to peer pressure, expectations and/or biology. Most lose touch with their second gender and this leads to radical behavior like male aggression and female feminism.

   Depending on how well developed the second gender is...we begin to metamorphoses into becoming transgender.

   The effect of the animus and anima can have naturalizing biological effects on our body through an imbalance of hormones. This can cause a man to form breasts (and be comfortable with them) or female to form facial hair.

   It is my belief that the anima, Mira, is as real is the animus, David; and together they form one biological entity. The malfunction however occurs as the biological sex has given superiority to the animus with the formation of a male reproductive system, muscle strength, lack of breasts, body hair and inability to bear children. Since the anima is also active and has the ability to gain superiority, but compromised by genetics, this causes ‘undesired’ changes to the host body to balance between the two genders.

   The question that I cannot answer is which gender is actually the superior without the aid of DNA? I believe it is totally possible, as in my case, to have the second gender be superior over my sex and this has led me to modifications of my body to balance between the two sexes.

Gender Nonconforming & Gender Nonbinary

   Of all the Transgender communities, gender Nonconforming and Gender Nonbinary do not live within the binary gender narrative. Most transgender individuals gear for an MtF or an FtM with a full switch to the opposite gender giving that sex superiority over the other. Gender Nonconforming (GNC) & Gender Nonbinary (GNB) live in-between genders and can vary to either side of the binary gender, but not as far as giving that gender superiority over the second gender. This makes treating GNB quite difficult as they need to be certain on what their balance is.

So how do you know if you are GNC-GNB?

   First, these individuals may identify as being both male and female; neither male nor female; in-between genders; on the outside of the binary gender spectrum; not having a gender or being totally genderless.

   There are a few who use the term ‘Queer’, which has been reclaimed as a respectful umbrella term encompassing a broad range of gender identities, expressions, and sexual orientations. I however refuse to use this term as ‘Queer’ which carries much passive aggression.

   The art of being Nonbinary evolves and changes rapidly as this group of people are hard to understand and definitions try to express their conditions evolve. Here is a list of GNC-GNB names:

Gender Ambiguous, Pangender, Neutrois, Gender Bender, Gender Blender, Gender Smoothie, Gender Expansive, Masculine Of Center, Feminine Of Center, Androgyne, Gender Fluid and my personal definition: Gender Neutral.

   Another clear sign of being GNC-GNB is how they use their pronouns. People who are Gender Nonbinary may choose to use gender neutral pronouns such as we, us, they, them and their, or other gender neutral pronouns such as zie(ze) (masculine) and hir (feminine).

   So in regard to my own pronouns; an example of a conversation might sound like this:

   ‘Good morning doctor, we been waiting a long time...’ even though I am all alone.

   ‘It’s taken us a few days to recover, but we are doing much better...’ again, alone and speaking for one.

Complicated Process Of Transformation

   As we’ve discussed, transitioning from male to female is not a complete transformation of the sex. It is a balance of the outward gender and internal hormones that activate parts of the dormant brain to bridge both genders. If a GNC-GNB made a full switch MtF or FtM, it would have devastating results if they were truly nonbinary. It is possible for a GNC-GNB to actually be a Transgender without knowing it, further changing to balance the dysphoria.

   When it comes to balancing between David & Mira, this requires self-reflection to find what causes the gender dysphoria; the underlying root to gender transformation. It is rather hard as the goal is not to be male or female but to also have male and female body characteristics all at the same time.

   If you recall the mirror experiment in Article:

A Blind Procedure — A Guess Of Day 1

, the body of a GNC might be best described as how it is mentally seen.

   For example: When someone say, describe your ideal body; I usually revert to the mental image I see: A tall, stocky 6 foot 2 build with low muscle mass…

Face:

   Rounded, pronounced upper cheek bones and normal hairline for my age. Hair is short, cropped to the shoulders with blonde highlights of my youth mixed with brown of my adulthood. My lips are feminine, filled out, but not massive; whereas my nose is masculine in appearance. No facial hair.

Neck:

   Slender, the structure pretty much unaltered from the physical neck.

Shoulders:

   Masculine in shape.

Upper Arms:

   Feminine in shape, low muscle mass and no body hair.

Lower Arms:

   Feminine in shape, low muscle mass and no body hair.

Back:

   No body hair.

Chest:

   No chest hair. My chest is supported by two B-cup breasts, firm and dome-like in appearance. The mammary glands are in full activity (leading to a possibility of discharge and sensitive). Nipples are feminine in appearance with darkened (brown pigmentation) areolas about quarter in size and puffy. The skin is very clear and white which is true when I shave.

Belly & Waist:

   No body hair...belly is rounded, but fat is redistributed to the hips making only one belly roll. The waist is narrow in appearance, but normal for males. The illusion is caused by posture and hips.

Genitalia:

   Feminine pubic hair design with a small flaccid penis that is unable to erect on its own. The main purpose of the penis is for urination. With time and dedication, and erection is possible and sustained by the sensitive glans. The penis should be small enough that it can shrink down into a clitoris like structure, giving the appearance of a vagina...but not. Testicles are small (pre-pubescent).

Buttocks:

   Feminine in size. Rounded and firm, but not large. The buttocks should blend in with the hips.

Upper Thighs:

   Masculine in form, maintaining muscular mass. Body hair here is acceptable if it is light brown or blonde (blonde being ideal).

Lower Legs:

   Feminine in form, but retaining lean muscle mass, but not obvious (no body builder building calf’s). Body hair here is acceptable if it is light brown or blonde (blonde being ideal).

Feet:

   Masculine in form, size 13 as they are now with no different modifications.

   It is through the modifications of H.R.T. to slow down, decrease and stop body hair growth, develop breasts, redistribute fat, feminize the face and stop hair loss on scalp. A reduction in penis and testicular size is also desired and the loss of libido is desired.

   Gender affirming surgery has not been greatly considered and is avoided as it is too quick of a change and unable to adapt to the new form. I have however considered breast augmentation (if breasts get too big) and genital surgery to modify penis into a vagina-like structure as it would be the easiest to live with. I however elect not to go this direction due to cost and mental impact it might have.

The Role Of Mira

   Psychology speaking, the role of Mira is far more developed than previously thought. Mira is the artist, the caregiver and dreamer of my personality. Whereas David is the scientist, authoritarian and researcher of my personality.

   Over the years, Mira has been developing faster than David as seen in skills and career choices. At the beginning (Pre-TG ignorance), I was seen as a strict, orderly, authoritarian and calculating. Due to outward aggression and superior thoughts over females; my animus was trying to become conditioned for my sex. I did not like the person I was becoming and literally overnight, began to mentally change as I left my comfort for a world of community service and care-giving.

   I have never done this before and flourished. Ironically, my ideal image in control was the Gender Neutral appearance with Mira taking the superior role.

   I turned away from science and went into care giving and community service to help others who needed it more than me. My whole demeanor changed, the way I thought of others, the way I talked and even body posture began to change for the feminine side.

   By my late 20s, my gender was reassigned as I hybrid my new found love as a caregiver and scientist and taught children environmental education. It was easily noted by my peers that I was changing as my first year I was very soft spoken and womanly, second year soft spoken and compassionate...hardly showing any aggression. By the third year, openly spoken and orderly, but womanly at the same time. I was even considered by a few L.G.B.T. as being possibly gay.

   It is not to be considered that I wasn’t masculine during this time. I maintained my passive aggressiveness quite well and did not put up with disobedience. Ironically, I hardly participated in ‘male-centrist’ activities like sports, drinking or power posturing. I hardly participated in ‘female-centrist’ activities like maternity, arts and crafts, beauty. I tend to balance between the two.

Mira And Dating

   This part could be an article in its self, but decided to add it under Article: Mira as it seems appropriate.

   Dating as a Gender Neutral individual was not top priority. However, there was once a bond that lasted for ten years before it ended quite abruptly! I was typically attracted to woman (as I am still sexually attracted to women and not men) and found one beautiful woman that ironically fit my mental image of my anima.

   Her name was Ruth, she has beautiful blonde hair with a light red-brown highlights. Her face angular and cheeks pronounced. Nose slightly masculine and lips feminine. Gorgeous green eyes and the fairest skin you’d ever see.

   I could speak to her as if I was speaking to myself! Her body was curvaceous with B-cup breasts and a slender waist with large hips.

   She herself identified as bisexual and could swing either male or female for love interest. I, at the time, was just male...straight and concerned over her sexual preference. It was clear after five years of dating that we were trying to decide who was masculine and feminine in this relationship.

   Ruth certainly did not want to take on the masculine side, probably because she was worried it would offend me. But when it came to dating, she was masculine and even made it clear that she preferred my ‘feminine persona’ over my masculine persona.

   It did not take much work to change into the female in this relationship, it came naturally and I enjoyed it. It made me happy, I could be Mira hiding under the name David as we dated.

   By year 9, our relationship began to deteriorate as I was expecting Ruth to take on the male role. She either did not understand or could not comprehend and her libido got the best of her. I was confused, as Mira (David), I can’t be sexual with someone of my same gender and having a nonbinary female being romantic with a bi female was too much for me and a panic.

   By year 10, (just a year before interest in H.R.T. and accepting I am also Mira), Ruth and I went our separate ways in a way that devastated me! I honestly don’t know how it happened, but it did and it was bad! It was a ten day trip down the Oregon coastline...I thought it would be the perfect scene for a romantic getaway. Just the two of us. Like normal, I resumed being the female and hoped Ruth would take on the masculine role. The first two days were fine, but I began to fall apart. I wanted her to do more, I was driving, cooking, cleaning, paying and leading in this expedition and it wore me down!

   For a brief moment, Mira vanished and David snapped out in a way that was hurtful! My limits were broken and I had doubts about our relationship. But shock came to me when Ruth told me that there was no love between us and we’d never be a partnership...she wanted me to break up with her...she wanted another commitment to someone else. I think she expected me to argue, but I just got up and washed my dishes and put the food away and said “I think your right...we are not compatible!” and I left her to her own device as I showered and cried.

   The trip was cut short and the next day I drove all the way from the California state line to Ruth’s home...broken and hurt. I did not let it show. I was equally pissed how she so easily threw me out. Not even a ‘Love you’ slipped from my lips, she tried to say something, but I just said ‘Goodbye...’ the type of goodbye you say to a love one who has died.

Like Johnny Cash’s song:

She Use To Love Me A Lot...

   I saw her through the window today. She was sittin' in the Silver Spoon cafe. I started to keep going.    But something made me stop...She used to love me a lot.    She looked lonely and I knew the cure. Old memories would win her heart for sure. I thought I'd walk on in. And I give it my best shot...She used to love me a lot.    I sat down beside her and she smiled. She said where have you been it's been awhile. She was glad to see me. I could almost read her thoughts...She used to love me a lot.    She used to love me with a love that wouldn't die. Looking at her now I can't believe I said good-bye. It would only take a minute to turn back the clock...She used to love me a lot.    I remember how good it was back then. And I said it's not too late to start again. We could spend a night together. Take up where we left off...She used to love me a lot.    But I panicked as she turned to walk away. As she went out the door I heard her say. Yes I'm in need of something. But it's something you ain't got...But I used to love you a lot.    I thought she loved me with a love that wouldn't die. Looking at her now I can't believe she said good-bye...She just left me standing there, I never been so shocked...She used to love me a lot.

   Only difference here...I was the woman who got her heart broken and then walked away in the end. The song was bitter sweet when Ruth messaged me 4 months later and asked that we go out for a dinner or movie...to start over again...I never responded. How do you pick up the broken glass of a failure?

   I still loved her, with all my heart. I was a true Davy Jones...heartbroken and heartless. I waited to see the message come through Facebook that officially told the world we were no more. But it never came. I wondered: ‘Did she ever tell her mom and dad about our breakup?’ ‘Tell them about the sexist pig I was?’ I never told my family...it was none of their business, but I think they know as I removed Ruth’s stuff and asked they not ask about her.

   Four months went by and I reflected on the event, ‘Where was Mira?’ ‘Why did I behave like that?’ It was my animus...I know it was! I was aggressive, mean; unruly! And I hated it! I became the very thing that wasn’t me...all over politics, lack of partnership and exhaustion! Ruth was right, we were not made for one another...and if we got back together...what will happen if it happens again? Being hurt once was enough.

   I thought about all she said, tearing apart her words like a puzzle. It then was clear to me: Ruth is bi, but her dominate trait is her animus. Her actions were ‘male’, she was sexually aggressive, overbearing, manipulative, authoritarian and expected everything to be done for her.

   That is how the men in my household acted. She said to me on that fateful trip ‘I think I am attracted to women more than men...’ I think she was trying to either save face for breaking up or wanted to hurt me, I don’t know. ‘You’re taking this much easier than I thought!’ she commented, but she was wrong!

   I wondered, ‘What if I was less like David and more like Mira...if I changed myself...would it make her happier? I can’t live this lie!’ I then began searching for a way to deplete the chemical that ruined our love...testosterone! It was here that Mira took over completely and even to this day works to balance me to what I envisioned myself at age 7. ‘Reduce the testosterone, reduce the androgen...flood your body with estrogen and change!’ I thought. Mira’s thoughts were no longer outside...but now my own.

   Seven months into our breakup and I already tried to change myself using bovine ovaries, but failed as the taste was overwhelming! I feel sorry for the women who have to swallow these shitty pills! With my H.R.T. appointment in place...I thought of something dreadful! Ruth contacted me again, wanting to visit me and I had a change of heart...I said yes, but she never came.

   If there was even a remote possibility of us repairing the past, could she live with a man trying to turn into a half-man half-woman hybrid? Would she accept me for who I really am? Would she love Mira over David? I felt terrible...all I thought was about myself and not of others. 7 months and I wanted to make it better. If I can’t be the man she wants...maybe she can love a Gender Neutral? But how do you tell someone who could share this information with family? Trust? Trust was gone when she said she did not love me.

   ‘Why can’t I just man up and did what she wanted...have sex!’ she made it clear multiple times that I wasn’t satisfying her needs. Even though we were not married, she wanted the experience and I wanted commitment. I though billions of sex crazed men who would have been more than happy to lay with her and she found the only guy who won’t even touch her!

    Sadly, the answer is really simple...just tell her that you are Gender Neutral and about to undergo H.R.T. to become what you are supposed to be...let her decide...what do I have to lose, we are already nothing at this time.